#the inspector had done a good job

[amypihcs]

Holmes... my dear man. Watson already loves you. You don’t need to flex those deductions extra hard just to impress him (and also Gregson, i believe?). Let poor inspector Baynes have his moment of glory 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[acewritesfics]

Hopelessly In Love | Tommy Shelby

⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: No

Fic Type: Imagine

Warnings: Sarcasm, teasing, two idiots in love.

Word Count: 1,821

TOMMY SHELBY MASTERLIST || MAIN MASTERLIST

“I need you," Y/N hears from behind her and turns around to see her best friend standing there, looking exasperated. 

“Good afternoon, Y/N. I sincerely hope your day is going well,” she begins sarcastically as she finishes hanging her mother's latest shipment of dresses on the racks.

Y/N works in her mother's boutique. A boutique in Small Heath sounded ridiculous considering the surroundings but her mother had opened the store, claiming that women needed a nice place to shop among the smoke and grime. “Well Thomas, it’s going so well that I’m sure nothing will bother me for the rest of the day, even when my best friend storms in like some neanderthal claiming he needs me like it’s a matter of life or death.” 

Tommy stood there, his hands in his pocket, looking at her unimpressed, his brows creased into a frown. A smug smirk stretches across her face. 

“What can I do you for, Tommy?” She asks, moving back behind the counter. 

“I need you to go to the races with me,” he tells her removing his hands from his pockets and stepping closer to the counter.  

“What? Has Hell frozen over or is it finally the day women have stopped throwing themselves at Thomas Shelby’s feet?” She teases her childhood friend. “Oh, Tommy, it must be hard,” she says pouting, giving her him a look of false sympathy.  

“Shut it, you,” he glares at her, elbows resting on the counter as he leans forward. “I’m being serious.” 

“Why do you want to take me to the races?” She questions him. They hadn’t been to the races together since before the war. It was sort of their tradition, one that was so easily forgotten when the war was over, and Tommy had thrown himself into making a better name for the Shelby’s. Instead of making the name better, he also made it fearful. “Why don’t you take that pretty barmaid you seem so smitten with. Or Lizzy, who’s more than eager to have a proper date with you.” 

“Why should I take them when I can take you, eh?” he asks, watching her as she busies herself with the clutter on the counter. She looks unsure but Tommy can tell that she’s thinking hard about it. “What are you afraid of?” 

“That you’ll forget all about the barmaid and fall hopelessly in love with me again,” she quips with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Just like when we were kids. You could never resist my charm and we don't want to break the barmaid's poor treacherous heart.” 

Y/N couldn't deny that she did like Grace, the barmaid Harry had hired, at first. She seemed lovely and got along quite well with her until she realized Grace was asking her a lot of questions about Tommy. At first, she thought the blonde woman fancied her best friend and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. Grace wasn't the first woman to end up with a crush on the blue-eyed devil. Tommy wasn't hard to fall in love with. But when she started asking her about the Shelby family business and the Peaky Blinders, she became suspicious that Grace's interest in Tommy wasn't as genuine as she made it out to be. And then there was the time she caught Grace eavesdropping and snooping around. She began to put two and two together. 

An Irish inspector and a pretty Irish woman, step foot in Small Heath at the same time. The barmaid, who's never actually worked in a pub before now, conveniently gets herself a job at the Garrison, the pub the Shelby Brothers frequent often and just so happens to set her eyes on the leader of the Peaky Blinders.  

She'd tried to talk to Tommy about it, but the stubborn man wouldn't hear any of it so she went to Polly who had also done the math. For a man who claimed to be smart, he became the stupidest idiot she's ever met when it comes to a pretty face. 

“I knew that love tea would have consequences,” he smiles thinking of the times they sat with his mother while she did what she called magic. He purposefully ignores her comment about Grace. He didn't want to talk or think about her right now. His sole focus is on convincing Y/N to go to the races with him, like old times and how he'd promised her all those years ago. “Maybe it’s why I never stopped being hopelessly in love with you.” 

"Don't tell Grace that," she says looking back at him before moving on to inspect the next dress, a pretty deep forest green with black beading and a black lace hem. 

"Fuck Grace," he scoffs, rolling his eyes. "This is about us." 

"There is no us, Tommy," she sighs and moves on to the red dress that's not as pretty as the green.  

"Just come to the races with me," he begins. "I haven't taken you in a while. Let me take you again." 

"Do I have a choice?"  

He shakes his head, "No." 

She looks at him, her brows creased into a frown showing her frustration.  

"Wear the green one," he adds, dropping £7 onto the counter.  

"It's only worth £5," she informs him, knowing there is no point in arguing with him. Once Tommy was set on something, there was no stopping him. 

"Buy something to go with it," he suggests. "Maybe some new shoes," he adds as he takes the dress off the mannequin and hands it to her, placing a soft kiss on her cheek before he starts making his way out of the store. "I'll pick you up at 8:30 tomorrow morning." 

"I despise you, Thomas Shelby," she calls after him. 

"And I love you, Y/N L/N" he says when he reaches the door and turns to look at her once more. "Hopelessly love you." 

Her smile goes from ear to ear this time as she watches him leave, with a slight shake of her head. She turns to go back to the counter to wrap the dress up and startles when she sees her mother standing there, a knowing smirk on her lips.  

"It's about time that boy made his move," her mother says, taking the dress from her and folds it neatly on the paper they use to wrap the clothing in. "Better late than never, I guess." 

"It's not like that, Mum," she says picking up the £7 Tommy left and placing it inside the till.  

"Of course, it is," her mum argues, walking towards where the shoes are and picks out a pair of black t-strap heels, to match the beading on the dress and brings them over to the counter. "Thomas Shelby has been in love with you since you were both five years old and you've been in love with him for just as long," she adds placing the shoebox on the counter next to the dress. "Don't waste any more time, Darling." 

"I do love him," she admits. "Some days I wonder why." 

"And you'll have plenty more of those days," her mum chuckles. "Now get out of here and go rest up for tomorrow."  

"I love you, mum," she says hugging the woman who gave her life.  

"I love you too, sweetheart." 

"I must admit, I did miss this," Y/N says, sitting across the table from Tommy as they sat in the VIP area of the racecourse, in the forest green with black beading dress he paid for and heels her mother picked out. 

After a successful day at the races, they made their way up to the VIP lounge where they got a drink, a meal and did some dancing. Tommy was unable to keep his eyes off her from the moment he saw her standing on the curb waiting for him to pick her up. It made driving a little difficult since he tried his hardest to concentrate on the road and not the beautiful woman sitting next him. And then when they got to the races, he glared down, silently threatening the men who dared to let their eyes linger on her.  

"Do you remember the first time we snuck in here?" he asks her, a soft smile on his lips. Leaning back, he watches her as she thinks back to it.  

They were 16 at the time and she had come along with him, his brothers and his father. He'd been to the races plenty of times before, but she'd never been until that day. They both got dressed in their finest clothes back then, which were nowhere near the standard of clothing they were in today. Tommy had tried to talk his way into the VIP section, using that silver tongue of his that he had been born with. Unfortunately, it didn't work, and they had found a space in the back that they could use to sneak into the elegant area reserved for the wealthy.  

They'd spent 10 minutes in the area before they were escorted out and off the grounds of the racecourse and were made to wait there until his dad returned from being inside. That night Tommy had made her a promise. 

"I promise that one day, I will buy you the prettiest dress and we'll go back there, and they'll let us in. When they do, we'll spend the night dancing and when I take you home afterwards, I'll kiss you goodnight." 

She feels her heart skip a beat as she remembers word for word what he had promised her. As she got older, she had always played it off as a silly childish promise that held no real meaning.  

Tommy stood up from his chair and moved round the table, standing beside her as he held his hand out towards her. "Let's go home, Love." 

Y/N takes his hand and stands up, grabbing her clutch off the table and lets him lead her back to his vehicle.  

Once they arrive at the passenger's side, Tommy decides he can't wait until he drops her off home. Stopping her from getting into the car, he pulls her close, a hand on her waist and the other caresses her cheek. 

"Tommy," her voice comes out as a whisper as her heart jumps into her throat at the little space left between them.  

"I can't wait," he breathes, his voice soft as he plants his lips to hers in a soft and sweet kiss. Both their eyes flutter closed as a rush of warmth envelopes them as they pull each other as close as they can, deepening the kiss. 

Tommy is the one to end it when they start to become breathless. "I am hopelessly in love with you." 

"I know," she says, unable to hide her grin as she kisses him again. "I am hopelessly in love with you too, Thomas Shelby." 

TAGGED: @chapter-in-my-old-diary - @hanawrites404 - @goblinjnr - @halsteadbrasil - @rainydayteacups - @alexxavicry

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[scarlettohairdye]

Home Ownership Was a Mistake

This is for @trickybonmot, who may or may not use some of these stories in a fic.

Okay. So.

In the year of our lord 2010, my wife and I were lucky enough to be gifted $20k by my parents, which in those days (given it was a historically low point for real estate prices in Seattle) was enough for a down payment on a house. It was an astounding confluence of luck and privilege that led to us being homeowners, because if they gave us the same money now it would go precisely nowhere.

Anyway, it was not enough money for a large house, or a fancy house. We looked at a lot of places, only some of which were move-in ready (and one of which was absolutely just a tear-down) and eventually settled on our current place, which is a 1910 bungalow with a detached garage that was finished and turned into a studio.

Was it the most aesthetically pleasing house when we bought it? No. The walls were white, the carpet was light beige, and the paint had seen better days. That said, it was move-in ready and the owner was pretty desperate to sell, so we took it!

The inspector let us know that some of the wiring was still the old knob-and-tube, so we'd want that updated sooner rather than later, but it looked pretty good. About half the outlets were grounded, so it didn't stop us from plugging in three-prong appliances. We just had to use more extension cords than maybe we'd prefer.

The Electrical

The first big house thing we paid for was to have the entire place rewired. Our circuit breaker was a mystery, we didn't have enough outlets, and we were tired of being stuck with specific layouts of our stuff due to the lack of grounded outlets. We were expecting about half the wiring to be up to code, and the rest would need an update.

Spoiler alert: HAHAHAHAHAHA.

The rewiring took about a week, and every morning the electrician sat down with us and told us what new fire trap he'd uncovered.

"Yeah, so the knob and tube wiring going to the lights in the ceiling? Knob and tube gets hot when it's running, and yours is under three layers of insulation."

"You know how you thought your outlets were grounded? They weren't, actually, the ground wire just went elsewhere into the house and wasn't connected to anything."

"So there's wiring in your crawlspace? Whoever put that in nailed some sheets of wood paneling over it, so we had to rip the wood paneling out to access it."

I think the job was about $15k when it was done, we had many many more outlets, and our house was no longer one bad day from lighting itself on fire. Victory, I guess?

The Studio Window

This was leaking a bit, and we knew it was leaking when we moved in. (South facing walls get all the weather in our region.) We were not handy enough to replace it ourselves at the time and we also didn't have money because I got laid off shortly after we bought the house and was making my living doing costume commissions. Solution: Trade costuming work to an acquaintance who did carpentry.

The window, we discovered, was not so much a finished window as it was a single sheet of glass sandwiched between some boards.

Badly.

The carpenter was not entirely she that she was qualified for the job, but she did manage to remove the single sheet of glass and replace it with a window that was insulated and actually capable of opening. She used caulk around it. It was way better than we had before. Maybe someday we'll have both studio windows replaced by a contractor who actually does windows, but this is not that day!

The Siding

The cedar shingles were no longer cutting it at a certain point, so we had the house resided. (Houses are money pits, in case you didn't know.) This was a $30k job (MONEY PIT!) and had several layers of badness.

Bad: Our house had no insulation. It was cedar shingles over the original siding, with nothing in between that original siding and our INTERIOR WALLS. There was occasionally a newspaper. Our PM asked if we wanted insulation? And we said yes, please!!! We did not have a lot of time to think about insulation or research the best type, so it's just sheets of the pink fiberglass stuff in there, but it exists and we have it now!

Worse: Underneath our laundry room was a horrorshow. The laundry room is an addition that was added to our house probably sometime in the 50s? And, uh...

Well, the siding guys pulled off the siding, took a look at what was under it, and immediately called the project manager. The project manager came out, took a look, and then called us. He said that the siding guys thought it really needed to be reinforced and stabilized before they re-sided it, which is very fair, because I think the people who built it originally were drunk when they did it. It was a fucking Wild West cowboy construction situation under there.

Yes, you heard that right: A LOAD-BEARING SHINGLE.

Our project manager also informed us that the siding guys couldn't do the reinforcement, because they're just siding guys. They don't do structural. This is very fair.

It also needed to be done by Monday so we could stay on schedule for the siding work.

We learned this on Friday.

I immediately called my general contractor dad and got his voicemail, because (I remembered belatedly) he was in Mexico getting dental surgery. There was absolutely no way we could get another contractor out to do the work over a single weekend.

It was up to us.

My wife and I (mostly my wife) went HAM on it. We rented big jacks from the tool library to prop the laundry room up while we replaced one of the entirely rotten support poles. One of the big telephone poles was so wrecked with dry rot we could kick it out of place. (It didn't even touch the BIG ROCK that was supposed to be its foundation!!! It was floating!!!) Several of the joists were also fucked, so we ran new joists alongside them and married them together. My wife dug holes while crouched in a 4' high space, filled the holes with gravel, compacted it by putting a piece of wood on top of it and hitting it with a mallet, and then installed an entire additional support system from 4x4s and deck blocks. She actually attached the support system TO THE FUCKING HOUSE, which was a big improvement from the way it was originally held on by vibes and paint.

Here's a tasty little before and after:

(Yeah, see how that visible joist at the front just... stops at the far left? There's a new joist right behind it now.)

This was completed with resounding cries of, "Good enough!" and "It's better than it was before!" The siding guys thought it was fine and sided over it. Someday hopefully we will be able to afford to tear the whole thing down and rebuild it with a properly poured foundation, but in the meantime the spin cycle on the washing machine no longer shakes the whole house. Victory?!

Ridiculous: The purple paint saga. My wife and I are lesbians who tend toward maximalism in our decoration style. Construction companies find this baffling. We paid extra to our siding company to get the extended color choices (if you order the siding with the color baked in it lasts longer, but you're limited to a particular range of colors) and spoiler alert: 90% of them are boring as fuck. We basically paid extra to have access to 400 shades of white and 400 more shades of beige. There were like three saturated colors in the whole book. Pathetic.

Anyway, we chose the one nice teal that was available and decided we'd paint the door purple, since all the purple colors were gray at best. The project manager then forgot to put in our order, and when he remembered he'd forgotten, ordering our siding through his company would have pushed back the start time by six weeks. We could still make the original start time if we ordered through a different company doing the same thing, though!

Me, immediately: And we wouldn't be restricted to your color palette, right? Him: Yeah, they can do custom colors. Me, slapping down a color card called "Fully Purple": MAKE IT PURPLE.

Bless this man, he went to the siding company and asked for Fully Purple. They told him they couldn't do that color, and also is he sure anyone wants this color? He called them on the phone and informed them yes, we did want that color, and also that he'd worked for them and he knew damn well they could do that color, they'd just have to custom mix it, so they needed to do their fucking jobs. Suitably chastened, they finally sent us a sample of the siding, and it was... okay. It was purple for sure, but a little de-saturated. Not the purple of our hearts.

I asked if they'd actually started manufacturing our siding yet or just sent the color sample. The project manager confirmed they hadn't, and if we ordered this imperfectly-purple siding now, it would be several weeks before we could get started.

"We're gonna paint," I decided, and our project manager put in the orders.

The paint store called him and said, "Hey, are you sure you want this color?" Yes, he assured them, that's the right color.

The guys doing the painting opened up the can and then called him and said, "Are you sure this color?" and he told them yes! They want that color!

At this point I told him he should just start responding with, "They're lesbians!!! Yes! They want the purple! They're lesbians!!!"

Eventually we cleared every hurdle god and the construction industry put in front of us, and now our house is Fully Purple.

It also has insulation, wiring that won't kill us, and a laundry room that hopefully won't collapse anytime soon. We got a heat pump installed that took shockingly little time and worked immediately, and our next project will be having the roof redone. Check back in to find out what fresh horror awaits us then! I think it'll be a second roof under our existing roof made of lead and asbestos tiles, probably!

[yuri-is-online]

haru nsfw headcanons hand them over

(╯°▽°)╯ ofc friend this damn near wrote itself. This is meant to be very general, I might try writing a fuller fic for him the future since he and MC deserve some alone time. Maybe they can leave the kids with Hyde for the weekend since he's supposed the be the advisor, make that loser do his damn job for once.

notes: they/them used to refer to mc, I have 0 experience writing smut so sorry if this is bad. I tried to keep things gn but a reference is made to face riding x-x this is harder than it looks. much like Haru-

I think Haru would be OK with casually hooking up, but the sex would be a lot less playful?  You're doing this to de-stress and don't have a lot of time so no need to do anything extreme. It still feels good, Haru would hate to leave you unsatisfied, but there's a lot less experimentation and he doesn't laugh or crack jokes like he would with a long time partner. There is also the prosthetic to consider; if he has one I don't think he'd want to get fully undressed with someone he's just hooking up with.  What happened to his arm is a sore spot even if he acts like it's not, so he doesn't really want to talk about it in a fwb situation even if you are close friends.  That's not to say that he would never tell you about the prosthetic and the story behind it, it's just not something he wants brought up during casual sex. If he doesn't have a prosthetic then I don't see him having any insecurities about taking his clothes off with a casual partner, though he probably still ends up staying half dressed just to save time.

If you're dating and he has a prosthetic arm, Haru still needs to work up the courage to take off all his clothes even though he really really wants to. Part of him is afraid you'll think he's broken or ugly, he doesn't think of himself that way but it would really hurt if you did. Praise isn't so much one of his kinks as it is a key part of his personality, he wants you to know that he's with you because he is attracted to you and he loves you. He wants you to say it back to him, needs it really; please tell him how in love you are and how attractive you find him. Want him as much as he wants you and watch how much he gets off on your need.

Loud whiner Haru is so real, he knows he can be loud he's just not ashamed of it at all. He's seen those posts about it being sexy when men moan and he already thinks he's a total catch, that just solidifies it. It ties into his praise kink, he's super sweet during foreplay but he almost always loses the ability to speak once you start fucking, so to let you know how good you are making him feel he just has to make some noise. He only really cries if he's had a really bad day or you've been away for a long time, he missed you ˙◠˙ so let him hold you as close as physically possible.

He's stupid easy to turn on. Laugh at his jokes, pull him around by his tie, even smiling at him will get him hard if he stares at you long enough. The fastest way to get him up is to wear his clothes, it's not smart for an inspector to declare a house allegiance but you will be literally cold before you stop wearing your boyfriend's jacket and he loves seeing you tie yourself to him. It can be sort of hard to tell when he's horny unless he outright tells you because he can hold onto those thoughts for a scarily long amount of time. He'll see you snuggling his shirt while he's on his way out the door to milk the cow and think about that all day until you're done with classes and he can have you to himself. This also means he's really easy to tease, do anything mildly suggestive, he'll start whining and won't even punish you for it later. Unless you want him to of course.

Haru is very big on service, he wants to be the one giving you pleasure but he's not picky on how he does that.  If it’s something you're interested in he's willing to try it at least once, but I can't see him being into harder bdsm/kink mostly because it takes too much time to set up.  He's been busy and away from you all day, he doesn't want to wait to fuck you.  Same with roleplaying, he gets the appeal but it's a lot of work especially if you want to bring costumes or cosplay into it.  He also kind of sucks at roleplay, he really likes making you laugh so he accidentally turns things into a joke. It doesn't turn him off at all, but he understands that's not really what you were going for so it might ruin the mood. His one hard no is anything that could injure either of you, he doesn't like seeing you hurt or worrying you when he's hurt.

Or so he says, but if you sit on his face and break his neck he's not going to learn a single lesson from it and will brag about it to Rui and Romeo.  He probably brags about a lot of things once he gets drunk actually, in the off chance you were wondering why Romeo isn't making eye contact with you anymore. Everyone in Darkwick knows you rode Haru's face like a bicycle seat and that he wants you to do it again, he has enough sense to know he maybe should pretend to have some shame but he can't bring himself to do it. You want him to be ashamed of making you scream that loud? Please it's not happening he loves you too much. I don't think he'd be super into exhibitionism either, he takes his job as Anomaly Ranger/Tamer really (too) seriously and getting frisky in front of the animals would be setting a bad example! He's less embarrassed about other people seeing, it's just that he really values his alone time with you and doesn't want to share it with anyone.

Other than those two things he's not picky. Want to fuck him in the ass?  Just make sure you prep him first. Ride his dick until it falls off? His place or yours? Probably safer at yours. Having a horrible day and want to suck his dick to feel better? How did he get so lucky, you're the best MC. Want him to rearrange your guts remove your ability to walk? He'd love to! But with how overworked he is that last one might be sort of rare. Haru is a very go with the flow kind of guy so if you want him to take a more dominant role he can, but he really appreciates it when you take care of him. Especially with how things are in Jabberwock right now, you gently insisting on taking charge is so sexy of you he might cum without you even touching him.

I could see him maybe liking it if you tie his hands back or above his head with your tie. He'd like to do the same to you too, it's just the impromptu nature of it that he finds really sexy, and again he likes seeing you in his clothes. If you were to tie his hands back while wearing his uniform shirt unbuttoned just enough for him to stare at your chest he'd skip the praise and go straight to the whining; he'd really love to have a picture of you sitting in his lap dressed like that. He's also a big fan of lingerie, but more on his partner than himself and not anything that takes too much time to get off. If you want to put him in a set he won't protest, but he'd prefer you pick it out for him since he's not the best at that sort of thing.

Despite how single mom core he is I don't see him having a breeding kink himself. He likes cumming inside, but more because it doesn't make as much of a mess than because he wants to get you pregnant. He's very good at playing into it if you have one, and if things stabilize in his life to the point he can think realistically about giving Peekaboo siblings then he could really easily develop one, but for now that'd be way too stressful for him to think about.

He gets really tired after sex but takes aftercare super seriously, I keep saying it but he really does want to take care of you. To him sex is another way of saying he loves you, and he doesn't want you to feel like he only loves you by halves. It's not unsexy to him to clean things up, but he doesn't rush it either. He likes being there to hold you, and is always pleasantly surprised when you are the one holding him. If he had more time he'd like to stay like that longer, maybe kiss you awake for a second round in the morning but he knows he can't stay away from Jabberwock for too long. If you're ok with it he takes pictures of you naked in bed together to go with all the ones of you in his shirt, if he's having a bad day he just looks at them and he instantly feels better. He'll never show those ones to anybody even if you would be ok with it, their his little alone time treats.

He's shown everyone that picture of him with his neck brace on when you broke his neck though.

[allieinarden]

Been thinking on how Maggie would technically still be a brand new member of the Simpson family if the timeline wasn't however many seasons long. Don't know what to do with those thoughts but I have been having them.

I’m so glad you brought this up because it happens to be something I think about continuously. I need everybody to embrace my theory of The Simpsons where the family having an unexpected brand-new member is fundamental to all of the characters as we’re currently (constantly) perceiving them:

Marge’s difficulties with her, up to this point, uneventful marriage (tempted to have an affair a few episodes in!) are the result of all her hormones still resettling combined with the stress of the pregnancy itself where Homer struggled to come to terms with the fact that he had to go back to his old job, and wasn’t very emotionally supportive as a result. As her older two children grow up, she’s gaining a sense of her identity outside of motherhood, while the new baby is simultaneously tying her more closely to the heart of her home than ever. She’s both more rooted and more unsettled than she’s ever been before and that conflict is reflected in her episodes.

In the episode “Lisa the Simpson” we’re told that Bart was a good student when he was in Lisa’s year, before his grades took a rapid dive from which they never recovered. The episode attributes this to a “Simpson gene” which makes all the male members of the Simpson family lose their intelligence at the age of eight. I have not lost my intelligence and think it’s very obvious that Bart is still trying to recover from all the aforementioned sources of stress that would have occurred right around that exact point in time. He faced some upheaval shortly before we met him and the Bart we know now is still trying to get his head above water.

Lisa tends to feel neglected and overlooked, identifies herself with her intelligence to the point where she has an identity crisis any time she’s not the smartest person in the room, and is constantly embarking on socially disruptive moral crusades. All of the above are clearly the actions of a child who was the baby of the family for most of her life and is now actively engaged in determining her value beyond that designation.

And finally, Homer’s contribution to his family up to this point has been completely based on his role as the provider, having spent the better part of the past decade since he and his high school sweetheart had that accidental pregnancy paying off the family’s debts and looking forward to the time when he had definitively done right by them and could transition to a lower-paying job without worry. Instead, the presence of yet another unexpected baby and his transition to the role of safety inspector have forced him to an awareness of the fact that his responsibility is ongoing, that his other two children—at ages eight and ten—aren’t babies anymore, that it’s no longer going to be enough to clock in every day to provide for them and then clock out and nurse a well-earned beer, that they now need him in a way they didn’t before and that leaving all the parenting to Marge is no longer going to be enough. I think that this reflects a reality of life for many working parents whose primary duty hasn’t been at home, until suddenly their home starts to demand them. That’s why The Simpsons doesn’t take place in 1989 or 2024 or any year in between, it takes place in the year that Homer Simpson becomes a father.

[morsesnotes]

I found this interview from when Shaun Evans was promoting S3 of Endeavour in 2016 and thought it was one of the more interesting ones as he gets asked some different questions. I particularly liked seeing him talk a bit about his peers and how he views his career.

Shaun Evans talks Endeavour series three, Hollywood and whether he'd star in Doctor Who

As Morse returns, the star of the hit ITV drama reveals what's next for his career By David Brown - Radio Times

Falsely accused Endeavour Morse was last seen languishing in a prison cell after being framed for murder. But fans of the hit ITV drama needn't despair - Shaun Evans is back on the case for a third series beginning this evening. Here, the actor talks about life as the Oxford detective, why Morse has endured for four decades and what the future holds...

So what has brought you back to Endeavour for a third series? I didn't feel like we should have left it where we did last time. It would have been odd. As a viewer, I would have been dissatisfied to have left it there because you'd have only been telling half the story. Luckily enough, we had the opportunity to come back to do some more and I think the stories are really good - particularly the final one. It goes along at a lick. It's a bank heist but it's also a love story. And it's heartbreaking. I think it's great and it ends in a really satisfying way.

The character of Morse has now been around for 40 years - why has he endured? A good story well told will stand the test of time. And if you throw in an unusual character - someone who is in a world but not of that world - then that's intriguing.

The original series of Inspector Morse did episodes in Australia and Italy - would you like to do an overseas Endeavour? Well, they keep telling me that the character is going to Spain. But I can take myself to Malaga. I'm joking, but I'm being honest too. There is a Spanish idea, but I'd want it to be right. I don't want this job to be a jolly or something that we take for granted and phone in. There are so many variables to that kind of thing: would the locations be as good? Or the actors? Granted, it would be a laugh to go away with Roger Allam, but would it serve the show?

Does Endeavour Morse become more like you as the series goes on? I think that’s a danger, definitely. The more comfortable and confident you get with something, the easier it could be to be less diligent about creating a character. But then you’d be taking shortcuts that you might not have done three years ago. So I try not to be complacent about it. I want to be even more diligent than I was when I started. But I admit that it's a tricky one.

Having a two-hour slot for a drama seems like a privilege these days - do you worry that viewers' attention spans could be too short to cope? I don’t worry about it at all. I feel like the work we’ve done so far has been very good. Some have been better than others - as would be the case. But I feel pleased with it. Now if audiences change and they feel that the episodes are too long, boring or complicated, then we’ll just stop. That’s OK. But I've seen some crime dramas that try to tell the story in an hour and, for me, it just doesn't work.You’re tyring to set up a killer, set up a world, solve it in an interesting or dynamic way and put in some character stuff as well. It’s nigh on impossible to do in an hour. I don’t think you can do it in a satisfying way. That’s my impression as an audience member.

Fans would be up in arms if you decided to stop Endeavour! No. I don't think that'd happen. It's just work. And they'd just fill it with something else. There'll be another brilliant show.

I think you'd make an ideal Doctor Who - would you like to play that role one day? I’ve never seen it! I think Matt Smith is a brilliant actor. And David Tennant also. But it just wasn’t my thing growing up and I feel like I’ve missed it now. I was in Moscow a few months ago and someone asked me about Doctor Who. And she thought I'd make a good Master. So if you’re offering me a part, then I’ll play the Master.

What about playing James Bond? Well, everyone wants to play James Bond, right? He always gets the girl at the end. And in the middle. And at the beginning, come to think of it. But I think that Daniel Craig would be a tough act to follow. He brings something really interesting to it.

Do you ever look at contemporaries like Benedict Cumberbatch and Eddie Redmayne and think, 'I'd like top billing in a Hollywood movie'? I know both those lads and I like them. But I never really think of my career like that. Of course, you want people to see your work, but I'm not interested in being the next so-and-so. It doesn't attract me. Mainly because it's short lived. It's better to keep working and do interesting stuff.

So being a big Hollywood star isn't all it's cracked up to be? I don't know. I suppose if you had enough clout to guarantee finance for a story you wanted to tell, then that would be a good thing. From a business point of view. But I don't spend my time being envious. There are so many variables in all that bollocks! When you desire fame or fortune - which are ephemeral things - you're building your house on sand, aren't you?

Do you have a dream project that you'd like to do? I'd love to do something about poets or photographers who have done interesting things and left an impression on their portion of the world. Someone like the American photographer Walker Evans. Or the French poet Arthur Rimbaud. 

So what's next for you? I'm purposefully having some time off. I've been busy and I'd like a bit of time to read some books and just study. I want to educate myself on writers, photography, filmmaking and poetry. I'm very lucky that I've now got enough money to have a bit of time to myself and study. I'm very lucky to be in that position.

[jediofbooksandsnacks]

This is from something saved in my drafts under the title Only An Afternoon. It is, generally speaking, a hot fictional mess but! I decided to post a snippet to celebrate Kogami's birthday. It happens during when he goes to pick up Akane from the detention center and deliver her to the CID. I mean, what must have been going through his head? Delivering her to the place he had escaped from? Just: *chef's kiss*

Enjoy your fictional cake my fictional blorbo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was 7 minutes to 11 am when Kogami arrived at the detention center.

The SUV was a loaner from SAD, a car that boasted all of the tech from a few years ago. The self-driving setting often didn’t work. The AC was perpetually on the fritz. Plus, the radio was stuck on one Sibyl-approved station that played the greatest hits of the past three decades, all padded by fill chatter from the DJ. At least the radio had distracted him as he drove over. When he parked, he clicked it off before he shut down the car. Silence surrounded him, both a blessing and a curse.

It was probably a curse. Consider this: a former Inspector turned Enforcer turned renegade turned SAD agent picking up his own former Inspector turned psycho-prisoner turned statutory Enforcer for delivery to the CID. Irony lived in there, somewhere.

A tug on the handle popped the car door open. Sunlight bathed him in midday gold as he got out, the discord both startling and astute. A breeze tugged at his hair, the same breeze carrying the falling flowers from the sakura trees down to their doom. Nature mocking her with its own beauty as the MWPSB doors inevitably swung shut behind her. Another irony. Soon he could start a collection.

The door closed with a thunk. The fingers of his right hand twitched for a cigarette.

Maybe just one. Hell, he’d smoked in the office, in his MWPSB room, even in her own car. Maybe it would calm the unsettled feeling in his stomach. No sense delaying it till later.

The one thing that held him off lighting up and sucking it down with determined gusto was this: Akane would know. It was dumb, but there it was. Gods, he was just like a kid back in school, not wanting to do anything to make his favorite teacher mad. Which said some fucked up stuff about how he thought of this relationship.

That door didn’t open until it was 11:06, and when it did—

Professionalism in an emergency was the whole point of his job. He’d helped crying children escape from a burning bus, taken action to aid troops advancing within a killing zone, hell, he’d even escaped his own CID captors in SEAUn. Yet, nothing had prepared him for seeing Akane come out of that hellhole and emerge into the shade of the detention center monolith.

He stood. His heart pounded in his chest. Goddammit it all to hell. He really would need a cigarette when this was done.

Brown eyes went wide when they saw him as surprise took over. There were no words he could think of at that moment. In fact, everything he wanted to say existed in the curve of the shadow on her face and was contained in her eyes. Finally, he said, “I’m here to get you.”

It was not the most gallant thing he could think to say, but this was not exactly the most gallant of situations.

Akane’s face relaxed into a smile, a smile thankfully not separated from him by a pane of bulletproof glass and under the dim lighting from the cells’ interior. Aware that he, too, was absorbing absolutely everything about her, he broke his eyes away. The pavement looked cracked beneath his shoes. “Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” A broad smile beamed across her face as she took the steps downwards, her hair blowing in the mild breeze. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“Is food all that’s on your mind right now?” The double entendre took a second to catch up, good god dammit. But it was a reasonable question, after all: the deal that had been struck, the machinations behind this, everything was so far unclear to him. Honestly, he’d give anything for a line into what was going on at the CID and save the sexual harassment call from HR for later.

Sunlight traced the lines of her face and was dimmed by her grin. Maybe it was jealous that he was there to pick up a more powerful force of nature. “Treat me to something.”

He had to stop himself from letting his mind wander into the gutter. As he cleared his throat, he reached for her duffel. “Yes, ma’am.”

[ewesless]

Found a Drabble in my Notes App #1

Finished it!

Original Note: Barbatos has been meaner than usual because the dumbasses surrounding him have been dumber assed than usual so time for a fluffy fix fic of everyone getting along!

Summary: Mammon, Leviathan and Barbatos open a food truck together.

Genre: Fluff, Food, Comedy... sort of

No pairings, GN!MC mentioned in a non-romantic way, Levi's fanboy kokoro doki dokis briefly because of Barb.

Levi got the idea from watching a series about a character who braved leaving her soul destroying corporate job to follow her dream of having a food truck.

Mammon helps him out because he is entrepreneurially savvy and can see the Grimm avalanche on the horizon. He provides the truck by cashing in on a favor.

MC is about to leave season finale style, but as an alternative to a sad and withdrawn goodbye they team up to teach them about Tex-Mex cuisine and help them get their food stall up and running.

They serve Street Tacos, Burritos and Tamales, traditional Mexican food, desserts, drinks, imported popular snacks and other deliciousness. Since Human culture and food is always a huge hit the exotic Human World food and Demon Fusion Cuisine is taking the Devildom by storm. (If I recall correctly Mammon got street tacos for he and MC, with grub sauce on his or something?)

Things are going pretty damn good, but then they get in serious trouble for having an illegal food truck (M: Wha?!? That guy lent it to me as a favor! L: Lololol Mammon nobody owes you favors!) and working without a foodhandling license.

Barbatos to the rescue. He had been out shopping and was observing the fiasco so he steps in and has a conversation with the Health Inspector about their options. He presents the bros with a one of a kind opportunity: "If I like your food then I shall acquire the truck and ensure that it is up to code, acquire all necessary permits, kitchen equipment, and ingredients for the two of you to remain in business.

Think "The Bear" meets "Ratatouille" (with no rodents of course) Turns out their stuff is the freaking bomb. Or as Diavolo once said (sic) "bussing". It completely knocked Barbatos's socks off. He is particularly impressed with their ultra flavorful, super slow simmered zebra barbacoa (their idea because they figured Barbatos Barbacoa would be a subliminal positive association for him too) and Mammon's salsa recipe that is made with the peppers used in Hellsauce.

Now that Barbatos has joined their team they become gods among chefs. Celebrities visit, it becomes a must have for travelers, Mephistopheles covers their story extensively and proudly and does an exclusive interview (but edits it equally extensively because Leviathan spent all his time talking about the anime and its manga) Asmo does lots of photos and designs their logo, uniforms, menu and social media page, Beel generously provides the funding for the ingredients so that he can eat without getting chased off)

It's when Diavolo and Lucifer come during a slow night and dine with them that it really drives home how well they've done.

Lucifer compliments them all on the food, acknowledges their hard work and success, how well behaved Levi and especially Mammon have been because they're hyperfocused and motivated. And he's also very proud of them for getting along too. (Both fight to hold back the tears and sniffles.)

Diavolo's glowing praise of Barbatos (as well as the bros) sends Barbatos into a blushing fit because he's being praised in front of everyone present. He can barely keep his pokerface up because he keeps breaking into a smile. (Leviathan goes 💓 because of his blushing face and genuine smile)

They have had an incredibly successful summer with the truck. Now that the season is changing trends change with it and new anime is released. Levi's infatuation ends and he gets into a series about Badminton. Mammon's taken his share already and he's been skimming off theirs. Barbatos had one too many frustrating encounters with Beelzebub sneaking back in line by wearing disguises and claiming he's getting them for his Fangol clubmates or someone else since he has a strict limit of items since it's part of the first come, first serve appeal.

It's officially over. A farewell is celebrated and the truck is closed.

When Season 2 of Levi's food truck show rolls around he reaches out to them about it.

"What do you say about reopening the food truck again? Maybe for a few months a year. Oh, how about a different cuisine each time?"

Though they won't openly admit it, they each realized they'd really missed it. Working together had been satisfying and they discovered that they enjoyed each others conpany and the new respect for one another.

End...?

[penig]

So we're having a rough summer and I haven't been talking about it because why brood but it's different when you talk about people being nice. So, thumbnail sketch:

We finally (as I've been wanting to do for years) got an estimate on getting the house rewired (pretty sure some of the original wiring installed in 1910 is in use) and partially replumbed (can't use the shower tub because the iron pipes are too clogged), and the paperwork for the loan took forever, and then a high wind came along (on my birthday) and dropped a dead redbud tree on our porch and a large branch on our car, which was totaled, and we had to buy a new (used) car and get a tree service to come out and take care of the fallen wood and trim the trees so no more wood falls, but the cost to take care of the big branch and woodpecker damaged tree in the back yard was more than we could afford with the car business, but that could wait a few months assuming no more high winds come along; and the loan comes through and we get the car squared away and the tree service is scheduled to come and we're starting to breathe again -

And I spy somebody putting what I recognize as a code violation notice on the front gate so I open the door and come out to tell her that if this is about the redbud tree on the porch we've already scheduled the work and she says: "It's everything on the lot. Cut it down to 12 inches. You have ten days" So I point out that most of the tall stuff is legal garden plants that should not be pruned in August, that it's two years since I've been physically capable of doing yardwork of any kind, that the work she's demanding is impossible in that time frame and oh yes, it's August, in Texas, with triple digit temperatures predicted for the foreseeable future and it could very well kill me to try. She thought there might be a local program to help me (No; they're all for structural work) and wouldn't budge. So that was like being shoved back underwater when we'd almost crawled out on shore.

But we put out a call to our friends, and people came over Saturday and did miracles, and almost every day this week somebody has come over (in addition to the people putting holes in our walls and ceilings and arguing over how to run the wires and occasionally turning pale at what they find) to help me in the mornings before the third digit kicked in. We did not, of course prune any of the poor heat stressed legal plants, but great inroads were made on the rest of it, and one friend even cut up the big branch in the back yard and the tree service people hauled it off, along with a collapsed picnic table which they told me, when they quoted the price for this small secondary job, that they would not take.

This morning I could barely move. I'm getting a lot of pain in the good leg as well as the bad leg, and in my back, plus I was just weak with heat and tiredness, and for the first time in almost a year I decided I'd better break out the cane again, at least to take the stairs and walk in the yard to discuss with the friend who came today, the last day before the inspection, where best to put his effort (because it was plain to both of us that I wasn't lifting a finger) in order to convince the inspector that we really had done the best we could and to let the stuff we couldn't get to slide until fall and spring.

And I guess one of the workmen noticed the cane, and noticed that the handrail on the upper staircase had pulled out of the wall on one end (it had been anchored to the sheetrock, not the wall proper; the other end was anchored in paneling and was fine; this happened a couple of months ago and we had bigger worries), and just - fixed it. Because it's certainly fixed now. As is typical in Texas most of the workmen are people I can't even talk to because my Spanish is as bad as their English, so it's not as if we've made friends with them. And I didn't see it done, nor did the foreman know who did it when I brought it up and asked him to thank whoever it was, so it wasn't somebody looking to make points. They just saw a chance to do a small simple thing to benefit a total stranger, and did it.

The point here being that two people - whoever called in the code complaint (seriously, that should be illegal in August, at least for yard code with no clear and present danger) and the city employee who wouldn't listen to reason - went out of their way to force me to focus on the least pressing problem facing us right now at the expense of my own well-being. But they are far, far outnumbered by the people who have gone out of their way to help us, just because we needed help.

So, suck it, cynicism!

[ineffablenlghtingales]

Okay, so with episode 3, we get some more backstory of Aziraphale and Crowley in Scotland (and get some of David's natural and maybe a bit exaggerated accent, but I'm not complaining. I loved it).

I died, I absolutely died when Crowley imbibed that laudanum. Not even kidding. 🤣😂

It starts with Gabriel holding a mug (his mug apparently) Muriel unexpectedly appears on Aziraphale’s doorstep and does a not very good job at pretending to be human (not her fault though, her first time on earth). But she's so ridiculously cute! I like her. Also, the exchange between her and the ineffable husbands. I can't.

Muriel *tries hard to be a human inspector constable* Crowley: Oh? You were transferred from another human settlement? Which one? Muriel: ... Crowley *grinning*: First time here on earth? *Thinking to himself* Definitely an angel, that one. Aziraphale: *so done*

She’s sunshine and sweetness personified, with solid comedic timing. Crowley pulls Azi aside and they talk about what's going on.

Then, we have Crowley planning to bring Nina and Maggie together, while Aziraphale is still hellbent on driving Crowley’s Bentley to Edinburgh to pursue his “clue.” Crowley is still reluctant to give him the keys.

Then, back to 1827 Edinburgh. Crowley and Aziraphale meet Elspeth digging up a grave. Crowley is of course, amused, while Aziraphale explains why grave robbing is wrong.

Azi, in the present day, drives the Bentley to Edinburgh and I love how irritated Crowley gets at him when 1) he drives under the speed limit bc the demon can sense when the car's under said speed limit, 2) Aziraphale changed the color of the vehicle from black to yellow and 3) "Are those travel sweets?" Crowley is not pleased.

Back at the bookshop, Gabriel is trying to figure out gravity. Crowley (gawd I love him) can't remember the why of gravity and I really enjoy how he comes down the stairs with a neat pile of books only to toss them in a haphazard mess (shame on you, bad demon, take care of those books! Why do you even both carrying them down if you're going to just throw them like that? 🤣)

Back in 1827, Crowley and Azi meet Mr. Dalrymple and learn more about his night work. Aziraphale, in the present time pretends to be a journalist and enters The Resurrectionists, the pub Maggie talked about. He learns about the records in the jukebox turning into the song "Everyday". Then he shows a picture of Gabriel to the pub owner, and the latter just so happens to recognize it.

Aziraphale notices the sign of the pub and sees Mr. Dalrymple depicted there, with a butcher's knife. He remembers.

Back in 1827, Aziraphale changes tactics and supports Elspeth. Elspeth gets her friend Wee Morag to help them, promising that one body (which she intends to give to Dalrymple) can get them off the streets. In the cemetery, Crowley and Azi notice guns that, set off by trip wire, go off.

Wee Morag accidentally sets on off, gets shot and dies. After some time, Elspeth decides to take Wee Morag’s body to Mr. Dalrymple for payment.

Dalrymple, however, doesn't give Elspeth very much for the remains bc Azi did some work with hastening the corruption, didn't Before they leave, Elspeth swipes a bottle of laudanum from his collection and returns to the crypt to drink the laudanum so she can be with Wee Morag. Aziraphale and Crowley try to talk her out of it. Crowley ingests the laudanum himself, which has a peculiar effect on him. (This was one of my favorite parts). "No. More. Dying. Enough dying. NO. MORE. DYING. NO MORE DYING. " Then, he shrinks, growls at Aziraphale and roars. He makes all these weird noises (I bet David had a good time doing this part, seriously. Crowley's just out of his mind here haha). Then Crowley gets very big and booms at Elspeth, "You have sinned very bigly....be good. Not pretend-y good but properly good!"

Unfortunately, as the demon and angel are leaving the scene, Crowley’s pulled through the ground to Hell, presumably to be punished.

In the present day, we see Azi in the cemetery in Edinburgh. He asks two men if he can use a phone and calls Crowley to reveal he’s in the cemetery and currently staring at the statue of Gabriel. He also tells Crowley that Mr. Dalrymple left Edinburgh in disgrace in the 1800s, killed himself and got a pub named after him. Aziraphale tells Crowley what he learned at the pub about Gabriel’s visit there. Then the pun. Holy hell, the pun. Crowley says he has to go because of the "awning of a new age" excuse me, sir. I love puns, so I appreciated that.

Then, then another of my favorite bits, Crowley brings on a rainstorm to try to get them to have their moment. Maggie tries to apologize for the other night when they were stuck in the coffee shop together. Crowley, I love him, have I said? He's hilarious. "Come on, rain proper. Hard." He makes it rain harder, hoping they seek shelter under an awning. They do, but then the awning breaks, dumping water on their heads.

Crowley finds Shax outside as she transforms into different people to remain incognito, and he's not impressed. I love he doesn't give a shit and just doesn't let her in. Also, we see how protective he is of his angel okay.

Next episode's recap ➵

[peakypolly]

All Is Forgiven | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: @runnning-outof-time

Summary: Tommy seeks comfort from Y/N after a job for Campbell results in the murder of an innocent man.

Content Warning: talks of violence, talks of murder.

Word Count: 1,002

A/N: Thank you to K for the request! This is my first imagine and I had a lot of fun thinking up this story, I hope it does Fluff! Tommy the justice he deserves <3 

The house had been quieter than ever before, Shelby Company Limited was in full swing and you were left to your own devices while Tommy was out on business. He was always somewhere else, he left early and came home late. What bothered you the most was how distant you had become to him, he was never truly there anymore. You had heard stories from Polly about how he used to be, long before you had ever met Tommy, long before France. How his smile used to light up the room and how his laugh could be heard from miles away. You thought you were beginning to bring him back to life, to how things used to be. You accepted him long before you were wed, you knew what you were getting into. 

The clock read a quarter past midnight, with nothing else left to do it was time for another drink. You moved towards the makeshift bar Tommy had installed in the living room, grabbed a glass from the wooden shelf, and poured the whiskey. 

“To you Tommy” you mutter as you toast to the empty room.

 Another night and another drink without him. You thought it odd that you were never invited to the Garrison for a drink with your husbands family. You had heard stories from Esme about how loud and rowdy the boys could get, Tommy always kept his composure. You wondered if he ever joined in on these nights without you. Whenever your absence at these family events was a topic of conversation, Tommy’s only excuse was that it was for your own good, as if being purposefully excluded was best for anyone. Esme went to family meetings, you didnt, that thought alone was enough to prickle your eyes with tears. Your spirits lifted however when you saw him. He had entered so quietly, you didnt hear his boots pound against the wooden floors. You were about to tell him how you felt about being left alone every hour of the day until you noticed there was something different about him. The way his eyes sunk into his face, how his head tilted slightly towards the floor, his shoulders slouched. 

“Tom?” You spoke softly, gripping the arms of the chair and raising yourself up, walking over towards him. He brushed his fingers over his chin as if he were thinking hard about his next words.

“(Y/N) I need you” He murmured as he held his arms out for you, then wrapping them around your waist pulling you into him. In return you threw your arms up around his neck, kissing his cheek lightly. Holding him, you felt his muscles which were tensed seconds earlier loosen around you.

“The plans were wrong” He whispered defeatedly 

“What plans Tom? What happened tonight?” you asked softly, you knew better than to ask such personal questions about his business, the business which he kept so closely to him and so far away from you. Tonight was different, the air drier, the walls around you closer, and the atmosphere heavier. You looked up at him, his face red and wet with tears.

“I killed a boy, a young boy- couldnt have been older than twenty. He wasnt supposed to be there, the plans were wrong we had the wrong man, Campbell told me it was the right place he said-” He recounted. 

“Campell?” You interuppted “Inspector Campell? The copper sent from Mr. Churchill? I thought his business here was done?” 

“He weasled his way back into my life like the rat he is, told me to go to this address at this time and kill a man that Mr. Churchill needs dead” He spoke rapidly “I did what he asked and now an innocent man is dead”

You  brushed your fingers across his face wiping away his tears, you had seen him cry before albeit on very rare occasions but not like this, never like this. You felt your heart shatter for him, you knew your husband had killed before but it always had a purpose for the betterment of the family. This time was unlike any other you had seen before.

“Oh Tommy” you mutter, as he sobbed silently into your shoulder. “It will all be sorted out, this blood isnt on your hands, it’s on Campbells he must have sent you there on purpose, i’d kill him if I could”.

“I pulled the trigger (Y/N) not Campell, this is my fault” he sobbed

“He sent you out there, this is his fault darling not yours” you grabbed his hand 

“I’m the devil (Y/N) you married the devil himself” he whimpered

“No, I married you, you are the strongest, smartest, and kindest man I know. Thats why I married you, thats why I love you. You have never made me think otherwise, and nothing,not even what happened tonight could change that”

You lead him over to the couch and sat him down, handing him a glass and pouring his favorite Irish Whiskey into it. “Drink this my love, this too shall pass, and tonight we will honor this man together, we will toast to him and you can let me take care of you Tom” you spoke gently, taking your seat next to him on the couch.

Tommy nodded, taking a swig of his whiskey and sinking down into the couch. You wrapped your arms around him, kissing him gently.

“I’d quite like that, i dont know what would come of me if I didnt have you my beautiful girl” he spoke, his eyes held less darkness than before. 

“There wouldnt be a me without you, and with time you will be okay and I promise Tommy, you are forgiven” you smiled. 

This was the first but not the last of many midnight conversations between you and Thomas, he stopped hiding things from you because he knew you could take it. He knew you would love him no matter what he did because you knew he did it all for you. 

[queenofcats17]

The Ink Demonth 14

Today's theme is Steam.

===========================================

If there was one thing Wally hated about getting roped into doing mechanical work, it was the conditions it had been to be done in. Janitorial work could be messy, sure, but it didn't usually require him to crawl into tight spaces to fiddle with things.

Which was what he was currently being required to do.

Currently, he, Tom, and Lacie were in the studio boiler room, trying to work out what was going on with a clog in the pipes.

"I don't see why we can't just call a plumber for this kinda stuff," Wally groaned, tugging on the collar of his shirt. "This isn't any of our jobs!"

"Drew's too cheap to hire a plumber," Tom grumbled from his perch on a step ladder.

"Especially not when he's got perfectly good free labor to throw at it," Lacie agreed, rolling her eyes as she fiddled with the boiler.

Wally groaned, throwing his hands up. "I tell ya! If I gotta do any more of these extra jobs-"

"You're outta here," Lacie and Tom said in unison. "We know."

Wally went a bit pink, ducking his head. If he hadn't taken his hat off due to the heat in the room, he probably would have been tugging it down over his face at this point.

"Yeah yeah, alright, I get it," he mumbled. "...You guys makin' any progress in figurin' out what's goin' on?"

"Other than the fact that it's a miracle this thing still runs?" Lacie tapped the side of the ancient boiler. "Nope."

"I'm not seeing where the clog might be," Tom said, craning his head around the pipes. "I- Fuck!" He was cut off as a blast of steam came out of one of the open pipes, blowing onto his hand and causing him to drop the wrench he'd been using.

"You alright?" Wally hurried over to the ladder.

"Shit... I'm fine," Tom said through gritted teeth, clutching his hand to his chest.

"Go run it under cold water for a little." Lacie didn't look up from her tinkering. "Don't want you getting burned."

"I'll be fine," Tom insisted as he went to pick up his wrench.

Lacie finally looked up, fixing Tom with a look that gave no room for argument. "Go run your hand under cold water," she repeated firmly. "The pipes aren't going anywhere."

Tom hesitated for a moment before letting his shoulders slump. "Fine. I'll be right back," he muttered before leaving the room.

Wally watched him leave with wide eyes. "How'd you do that?" He whispered once Tom was gone.

"I've had a lot of practice," Lacie replied. "Now you get up there and see if you can find the clog."

Wally had the good sense not to argue with her because he knew he absolutely was not going to win this argument and got up on the step ladder. "I'm startin' to wonder if there even is a clog," he said as he started to poke around.

"Might not be." Lacie shrugged. "Could just be that this thing," she hit the boiler again for emphasis. "Is finally giving up the ghost."

"It's kinda a miracle anythin' works around here," Wally said. Now it was his turn to nearly drop the wrench due to a blast of steam, but he managed to avoid getting hit.

"Ain't that the truth." Lacie cast a disgusted look around the room. "How'd y'all get all this past inspectors?"

"Pretty sure Mr. Drew pays 'em off," Wally said, tentatively sticking his hand into a pipe. "Or some of 'em, at least."

"Of course he does." Wally started a bit at the sound of Tom's voice as he reentered the room. "Found anything yet?"

"I think there's.... somethin' in here," Wally said, shifting to stick his arm further into the pipe. "I can feel something back here... Aha!" He pulled his arm out, triumphantly holding up a clump of... something. It wasn't clear just what the thing was, just that it looked... pretty disgusting.

"Nice job, Franks." Tom allowed himself a small smile.

"I'm almost done too," Lacie said. "Or as done as I can be."

"Whaddaya mean?" Wally climbed off the ladder.

"There's a lot of problems with this thing that I just can't fix," Lacie explained. "It'd honestly be easier just to replace it."

"But we know Drew won't do that," Tom concluded, running a hand over his face with a sigh.

"Exactly." Lacie nodded.

"Well, we did what we could." Wally shrugged slightly.

"We did what we could." Tom echoed in agreement. "And if Drew wants more, he can damn well hire someone else to fix it."

"Yeah!" Wally held up his hand for a high five. The hand that was still holding the unidentifiable lump. Tom's eyes flicked from the clump to Wally and he shook his head. Wally frowned for a moment before seeming to realize what Tom meant.

"Aw, shoot. Lemme take care of this," he said before hurrying out of the room to take care of the clump.

Tom let out a small snort of laughter. He didn't know how Wally could remain in such good spirits all the time but... It was kind of life-affirming. He wished he could have that kind of positivity.

[koishiro]

Pussy power | 방탄소년단

↳ SUMMARY: having to teach the lowest and failing class in school, you have to find a way to keep their attention and their grades up but it won’t be easy

↳ PAIRING: students!min yoongi, jung hoseok, park jimin, kim taehyung, jeon jungkook x teacher!reader

↳ GENRE: smut with plot

↳ CW/S: mentions of porn, age gap, stripping, protected sex, oral (male receiving)

Part 1 | 2

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I gulped as my pen scratched out my signature, as easy as that.

They had me now. There was no going back. What the hell had I done?

I realised my first mistake when they reminded me that I had to show my legs again every Friday afternoon until the exams.

"It is in the contract Miss, under Miss L/n duties“ Jungkook reminded me.

"I don't remember seeing that: And "contract!" where did that come from? I cried with mock indignation. "It's just a paper isn't it? What are you, budding lawyers?"

Yoongi had just rolled his eyes in response, "Well, anyway, it's there alright“

They showed me. They were right. There it was, the bottom of the page. It was my fault for not reading the damn thing properly. (Miss Lushbody messes up)

But, secretly I was very pleased that I was going to be doing it. They had been working hard and I needed to keep the carrot dangling. Keep them interested and all that. So, that's what I started to do for them every Friday at 4.00. (After the bell)

It kept them back a bit, but, there was always full attendance: The girls always got away quickly, so they never knew about the boys’ little treat.

And, I must confess that I loved doing it. My justification being that It helped to keep my boys in line. Each time I did it, I shifted my skirt up a little higher, much to their delight. Showing more and more of my shapely long legs. And sometimes, if I was in the mood, they got a brief glimpse of my panties. They all liked that. And while they headed home, I rushed into the ladies again to finger my clit and pussy. Oh God, even a mini-display like that was working me up. And, as the boys rightly pointed out, it was good practice for the full strip which, I could be doing for them later in the year. I just had to think about that possibility and I got really excited...

The weeks rolled on and Easter came and went. I gave out stacks of homework for them to do over the holidays and despite cries of protest, everybody handed in the work. It was fantastic.

Amazingly, we got through a full year curriculum in less than 4 months. I had ticked off all the boxes and when the Ofsted inspectors arrived, they were reasonably impressed. I was proud of my class. They had backed me all the way and when the official report came through there was even a little mention of what a good job I had been doing.

"How on earth have you managed it?" Asked a puzzled, but, appreciative Namjoon one day when he called me in for a chat.

"Oh, we found some common ground," I was able to say. And, of course, it was the truth.

"Well, however you've managed it, you've done a fabulous job" he said.

But, then he didn't know about my promise to do a striptease.

The GCSE exams came round and soon it was just a case of waiting for those results.

With more time on my hands, I started to watch that porn video again; watching it over and over again. I was beginning to enjoy the end a bit more. The part where they all got to fuck her, one after the other...I noted the ecstatic look on Miss Lushbody's face. Brilliant acting? or was it real? It looked damn real to me. Usually, I was naked after copying her striptease routine. And now, I couldn't seem to stop masturbating afterwards.

Did I really want to do the striptease for my boys, together with the "other stuff?" That was what I was thinking about as I toyed down below. I knew I would be very disappointed if I didn't get the chance.

Then, the results came through and were posted on a big board in the school's reception area. There were the usual mixed emotions of joy and tears as the pupils gathered around. My heart was thumping wildly. How had they done? I was desperate to know but I couldn't bear to look. If they had all failed I would be so disappointed and not just for academic reasons. So I just went back to the classroom.

After a short while, my lot came back into the room and from the way they were grinning, I knew they had done well.

I got that pounding in my heart again, as one by one they told me what they'd recieved. My throat went as dry as dust.

I wrote it up on the blackboard. Most of them had achieved C grade passes. That's when I knew for certain that my fate was sealed.

Min Yoongi 7/ Jung Hoseok 4/ Park Jimin 5/ Jeon Jungkook 6/ Kim Taehyung 4/

It was incredible, because, my class had achieved no less than 25 GCSE grade C's not to mention a lot of other lesser grades. My headmaster and all of the staff were astounded. "How did you do it?" They all asked.

I reckoned that all this success wouldn't do my career any harm at all.

But, all I could think about was the realisation that now I would have to do the striptease for my class. I would have to display my naked body for them all to see. As Jimin had so delicately put it, they would get to see "tits, legs, pussy, everything."

Soon, they would be able to get a real good look at it and see for themselves. As I had that thought, I bit my lip and flushed with shame. What was I thinking about? Me, an older woman, no less a teacher, exposing her private parts for young boys to drool over? I hoped to hell no one ever finds out: But, as for calling it off? No way. I couldn't wait to display myself. I was looking forward to it as much as my boys did.

Although, I had started out with a "no-nonsense" short hair style at the beginning of the school year, I had purposely let mymy hair grow to shoulder length in the last couple of months. I wanted to look more like the porn star in the video I was obsessed with. Also, for my forthcoming performance, I had a plan to put it into braids like she did and this was because I thought it looked sexy and would excite my male audience. And, copying her again, I would also be wearing 4 inch heels to make my legs look longer and sexier.

Someone shouted something out and it broke me out of my thoughts.

I knew what they wanted.

Now that the euphoria of their successes had died down, my forthcoming performance was all they wanted to talk about. When and where was it going to happen?

Jungkook, my brightest pupil according to his grades, had an answer for that one too.

"Miss, there's a pub not far from here that has a room they use as a small concert hall. It's very private and you can have a lock-in. You could do it there!”

I considered this and like the others realised that it was an excellent idea. I had been worried for a while at the prospect of doing it in the classroom. There was a strong chance for us to get caught on school premises and that would have been the end of my teaching career. There was further discussion on details and I told him to book up the room. I even gave him some money to do it and a bit more for some booze.

Jungkook said the landlord would let us do a lock-in and keep it strictly private, if we bought the booze and hired the venue from him. "It's just an end of college celebration," Hoseok piped in. And, seeing that everyone there would be 18+ on the night, it was all legal and above board.

So...everything was arranged.

It struck me how good Yoongi was at taking charge. I was his teacher and at 27 I was 9 years older than him, but, he always seemed one step ahead.

"What do you think?" He said. "Start at seven? I'll make sure the place is tidy and organise some chairs for your... erm... customers. There's also a changing room out back”

Was there anything this guy hadn't thought of? No wonder he had done so well in the exams.

The night of the striptease came around, finally. By then, I was desperate to do my act. Anytime I had the chance, I had gotten in some practise. Miss Lushbody was getting competition.

.☆.

I was so nervous, as I drove down to the pub that night; nervous, but very excited. A couple of the boys -Taehyung, Jimin and Hoseok- met me at the door, said I looked sensational. That gave me a boost, because, I had spent ages getting my hair and make-up just right.

It was 6.45 p.m. I knew that because I had looked at my watch about 6 times on the way over. On the back seat, I had my stuff. I had fished out my old graduation hat and cape for my act, as I wanted to look exactly like Miss Lushbody. Underneath, I would have a bodice, stockings and suspenders together with a pair of sexy black lace panties. I was ready, God was I ready.

I checked the place out. It was perfect and just as Jungkook had described. Yoongi had also tidyed up as promised and there was a front row of chairs positioned close to a small elevated stage. Music was already playing and I was informed that the piece I was going to use for my striptease was ready when I was.

My audience was all there waiting, and, no doubt pleased to see that I had turned up and was going through with it.

Jimin padlocked the door to the big room. We wouldn't be disturbed. We had the landlord's promise.

"Oh God, please get me through this" I prayed, as I went into the small changing room near the back wall.

I checked my make-up in the mirror again, still perfect and not a hair out of place. Taking a deep breath, I took off my street clothes and donned the outfit.

I was ready. Opening the door slightly, I gave the signal for the music to start, Then, I went out onto the stage. Suddenly, a spotlight came on. It was like I was a professional, although, I had never done it in public before. However I was confident, that all that practise copying Miss Lushbody was going to see me through.

The guys cheered and gave me a big round of applause. That gave me more confidence. I knew then that they were on my side.

Beforehand, I had reminded them again that there were to be no photos or videos taken. It was something that had been agreed upon earlier in proceedings. I had too much to risk otherwise.

Then the music started and I started to dance to it as I had practised many times. I had copied the sexy movements of Miss Lushbody and she was one of the best I had ever seen.

The act went well and very smoothly. I got everything right, every move perfect. First the cape then the hat came off. Then swaying and dancing as I undid the zip at the back of the bodice. My slim, shapely figure was revealed. Also, there was now a lot more female flesh for the boys to savour. The excitement in the room seemed to be rising and I was enjoying myself, more than I ever thought I would.

Then, teasing them, I took off my bra. I received murmurs of approval followed by wolf whistles. I was feeling great and in control. They liked my tits; "quite a handful" was how they put it.

Then, I put my foot up on a chair and began to unfasten my stockings. Nice and slow as I did, just like Miss Lushbody. Then, seductively, I slid the stockings down each leg. More whistles of admiration, but, I knew already that they liked my long shapely legs. They had said so many times when I had done the sample treat for them in the classroom.

Now, I was standing there in just my panties and high heels. Time for more teasing as the music continued to provide real atmosphere. The lighting obviously helped (well done Jungkook)

Then I had them spellbound, as, slowly and tantalisingly I eased down the panties.

"Oooh" they shouted as my pussy came into play. Proudly, I stood with my long legs planted apart to let them have a look: A good, long look. Everyone present seemed to be focused hard on my pussy, as I felt their eyes burning into me. Erotic shivers trembled through me as I thrust my pussy meaningfully towards the boys. They inched closer, heads grouped together; within sniffing distance, as they say.

"Look at your teacher," I was effectively saying look at her cunt. "I am exposing my most private parts for you”

I felt myself getting wet and knew with certainty that I would be heading down the same erotic path as a certain pornstar.

As a matter of fact, I couldn't wait to be their sexual plaything. I had developed that kind of emotional feeling for all of them.

To finish off, I turned round and went on all fours pushing my ass up and out; spreading my knees to give them the maximum view of my ass and pussy. What a sight I must have presented to those horny young men. By doing this, I was going well beyond what I had planned to do, but, I was desperate to bare my full femininity to them. It was, in effect, the erotic surrender of this 27 year old teacher, to her young male pupils.

"Stay like that Miss," Taehyung barked out and I was glad to comply with the order. I held my pose knowing they would be staring hard at my girly charms. I sighed, happy to expose myself to my young male students. It was what I had fantasised about ever since the idea of a striptease had come to me.

At that moment, I had never been so excited in my whole life.

After that, they were lining up to get at me and to be honest I found it almost Impossible to choose between them. I liked them all...wanted them all.

But, Yoongi with his top exam result was first.

"Steady boys. We've got all night." shouted Hoseok. He was right, I wasn't going anywhere.

That was when I reminded them all about condoms. It was a subject that I had repeated often enough to them during sex education and they had come well prepared.

As Jungkook was kissing me, I felt his fingers on my pussy "Oooh" I groaned. This boy could do anything he wanted to me. The others would see me allowing his advances, but, I didn't care, the striptease had got me so horny I needed lots of sexual attention.

I let Jungkook have a quick feel, but, the clamour from the boys I had worked up to a frenzy, all wanted a piece of me. Before he was pushed away, I whispered that he could have me later and he was happy with that. Also, it was something for me to look forward to.

And, It was all out in the open now. The boys knew that sex was well and truly on the agenda and that I was up for anything. Rotas, papers, contracts were out the window now. As far as I was concerned they could all fuck me. I was a bitch in heat.

They were all grabbing me at once, but, Yoongi stepped in to sort them out. He was commanding without having to say anything, they weren't going to mess with him. He commandeered me then for his own sexual use by taking me back into my dressing room.

When we got there, I noticed with dismay that all my clothes were gone. There was no way I was getting out of there anytime soon.

Yoongi unzipped and took out his impressive cock. It was thick and fully erect and looked about 7 inches long. I purred with pleasure as I took in in my hand. This was just what I needed. He stood me against the wall and I spread my legs apart. My pussy was so wet I hardly felt him pushing it in to me. He was going to be the first to fuck me and probably not the last.

"Oh, Oh, Yoongi~" I gasped as he pushed in. All the way in.

"I've wanted to fuck you for months Miss L/n", he said reminding me that I was in fact their teacher. But, at that moment it was the last thing on my mind. I was getting very excited sexually and nothing was going to come between that.

Before I could think of anything else, Yoongi kissed me, his tongue snaking inside my mouth and finding mine. Meanwhile, his big cock continued to dominate and ravage my pussy. It was such a size and he was intent on giving me full measure. In and out, In and out he hammered into me. I was getting the best fuck I'd had in many a long day.

" Hurry up in there" someone shouted - likely Jimin, but, Yoongi just kept on fucking me with piston- like thrusts.

"Oh Yoongi," I moaned, as he kept on bouncing my ass off the wall.

"They'll just have to fucking wait," he growled. "’Teacher is mine”

He came, minutes later, with a triumphant shout as I felt his cum spurt inside. As he took his condom clad cock out, I leaned back against the wall and groaned. What a fuck that had been, one of the best I’ve had.

Then Jimin came to take me up on my promise. "I've found a room," he told me. I didn't hesitate to go with him. At that moment I would have followed him anywhere.

It was a small first aid room, but, with a bed in the corner. Trust him to have cleverly sussed it out.

"Is this part of the pub," I asked fearing he had found another entrance.

"Sort of," he said "but, it's within the locked area”

There was a fresh cover on the bed as he lay me down on it. Somehow, I felt that I would be spending a lot of time in here before I would be able to leave.

First he had a good feel of my naked body. Kissing the parts he liked best. And he liked a lot. "What a fantastic body you have Miss," he growled.

"Jimin~," I sighed.

I had looked forward to him ravaging me like this and he didn't disappoint. His hands seemed to be everywhere.

Then he spread my legs and worked two fingers into my slippery cunt before fucking them in a slow but steady piston like rhythm. I swooned in ecstasy...

"I've dreamt about doing this to you Miss every night since you first mentioned the idea of stripping”

"You can call me Y/n now, Jimin, since school is over now-“

"No"...he said adamantly. "It's got to be Miss or Teach. Keep the fantasy going you see”

I understood, only too well.

And then Jimin fucked me, taking his sweet time about it and telling me how much he had lusted after me ever since I had shown my legs in the classroom. Our sex coupling lasted a while before he came with a shudder and a long groan.

"What about a date then Miss," he asked cheekily, "just you and me?"

I looked into his eyes and didn't say no.

Just then, there were little taps on the frosted glass window. "You're in big demand lady," I heard Hoseok shout.

After Jimin, I had Jungkook. He was so shy that he hesitated to make eye contact with me. The poor thing couldn't get it up. "Aawww," he said in frustration.

"You're all tensed up" I told him. "Just relax. It will come”

I let him fondle my breasts for a while until his cock finally sprung to life. "I've never had a blow job", he confessed. "Would you give me one?" I duly obliged.

As soon as my lips touched the tip of his cock, it went really hard. It was a big cock, similar size to Yoongi’s and I soon found that I had trouble fitting most of it in my mouth. I gave it plenty of loving attention, using my expertise to lick, suck and excite him. This boy was in ecstasy, but, soon found it all too much. In a short time he was spurting his stuff into my mouth. "Swallow it," he hissed and obediently I let his white cream slide down my throat. Oh God, he was so cute...I so wanted to please him.

Jungkook couldn't wait to get in the room. I had been aware of him pacing with impatience just outside the door. He was already fully erect, so this time, he lay down and I squatted down on top to take in his cock. As we got going, I bounced up and down taking his erection all the way in. This way I dictated the fuck. As we built up a steady rhythm he reached up and groped my tits. My nipples stood out proud as they usually did with handling like this. As we fucked I threw back my head and moaned...it was so good.

"Go for it Kook!" were the words shouted through the doorway. They thought he was giving it to me real good and proper. Well it was his ramrod cock that was impaling me so I suppose they were right. But I was in control and loving every second of it. "Stay hard" I urgedmd him as I kept up the action. Why was fucking so wonderful? It was heavenly and lasted a good while before he reached his climax.

Oh God! I remember thinking, I had to have him again...

Taehyung wanted me next. Jungkook had hardly left the room before he was bustling his way in. "I want my cock in that pretty mouth of yours, Teach," he announced. "You've lectured me with it often enough this year. Now it can do something useful for a change”

"But do it good," he warned as I took his hard cock in my hands and gladly started to suck. It was a bigger than Jimin’s, but, wisely, I didn't say so because ears might be listening and the boy himself might be standing right outside. So, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of having that big thing in my mouth. Lovingly, I licked the length of the shaft, before I got down to a rhythmic sucking motion. I tried to make it last, but, soon Taehyung was shuddering and I felt him about to explode. Then I got it all, as a jet of cum cascaded into my mouth and throat.

Taehyung ordered me to swallow..."every last drop" But I was doing that already. I gulped it down, spurt after spurt, before licking my lips. Yummy.

I thought about how many cocks I had seen to since my strip and did a count. "Where's Hoseok" I asked.

He was sitting in a daze in the front row. His eyes fixed on the stage and nursing a pint of beer. As if hoping I was going to do a repeat performance.

He turned his head when he heard me. "Hello Miss," he said. "Don't forget me, will you”

As if I would.

"I ain't had my fuck yet, Miss", he said reminding me in a husky voice. "And seeing how you went on your hands and knees and pushed your ass in the air, I fancy having you doggy style..."

Frank found a worn old sofa and turned it round so he could drape me over it. It was just the right height for a rear entry, my curvaceous ass so tempting. I was like a rag doll as he spread my legs apart and had a well - deserved feel of my thighs and bum.

"Go for it Hoseok," I urged. After all he had been patiently waiting while the others had been having fun. But, now, it was his turn to get sexily intimate with his teacher and he announced his intention to give me a damn good fucking.

I felt his big cock penetrate my wet pussy and sighed happily in surrender letting it happen. He humped me good and proper, his powerful thrusts nearly lifting me off balance. I hung on desperately, as his big cock plumbed and ravaged the depths of my pussy with devastating effect.

Everyone else just stood and watched. No doubt admiring his cockmanship and watching me getting well and truly fucked.

My inevitable orgasm came, like a tidal wave, as Hoseok’s relentless fucking sent me over the edge. With all the sexual attention I had been having, I suppose that this rare event for me had been inevitable. I was told later that my unbridled scream of ecstasy filled the room, as everyone stopped and watched my complete and utter sexual degradation.

I was their disgraced slut of a teacher.

I am ashamed to say that my vows and responsibilities as a teacher were swept aside that night as, one by one, the boys in my class lined up and sexually used me again and again. It went on ‘til closing time and beyond. At the end I was "literally" fucked out. Second time around, the pace was slower and they enjoyed me more. They respected each other's time with their teacher. Lots of kissing and feeling as the night wore on.

They were very good after that, I have to say. My clothes were returned and I stuffed my stripper outfit into a carrier bag. I managed to get my make-up and general appearance back to something normal and the boys chipped in for a taxi to take me home. Hopefully, the excited flush on my face would die down a bit before I had to face the public eye.

Before I left, six telephone numbers were pushed into my pocket. They didn't want to lose touch, they said. All of them wanted to see me again.

And that pleased me to no end, because, after all that had happened between me and my five boys, I too wanted to keep in contact.

As I sped off home in the taxi, I wondered idly what next year's class would be like.

Part 1 | 2

Date posted: 17/08/23

𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵

[berrypass-de-murdler]

82. Murder in the Park

Well I feel decent for the first time in a while so I'd love to introduce you to some stuff -

#1, I finally realized that it doesn't matter if people don't care about the cartoon so as long as I have the most dedicated followers, @itzr4v3n, @royalleblue, and @kirvee (sorry for tag ;w;) Your support means everything to me and without it I wouldn't have bothered making it this far in

Now it's time to meet the world's first Inspector Irratino plush-

Ok he's a little more rough than Aureolin.

I can't stop snickering when I look at him he's SO GOOFY HNGGGG

He will be mine forever

Sorry logico your bf's been kidnapped/jk

And also

Designed once more by Fletchinderat here is Superfan Smokey, the problematic 8-year-old dragon who is taller than many adults. A murder superfan and stalker, he is always in Logico's way and loves to commit his own crimes.

DON'T READ THE EPISODES UNTIL YOU'VE FINISHED THE FIRST BOOK!!

Logi goes to a park. It’s so fantastic. Except for the dead guy.

LOGICO: OHHHHH, YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME I CAN’T DO ANYTHING FOR MYSELF!!! [faceplants and sobs, so mature]

Pearl is there.

PEARL: OI. IH’ PUUHL.

And so are Tangerine and Lavender and Tuscany who also followed him to Hollywood or something??

LOGICO: WH- WHY? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?? TUSCANY: I have to MONITOR you. LAVENDER: Wouldn’t YOU like to know why. LOGICO: YES I WOULD, YOU BASTARD!!! TANGERINE: We’re doing a good job - we almost distracted him from the murder!

Tusc and Lav glare.

TANGERINE: Oh oops.

Logico legit can’t tell who’s done the murders anymore, because even the ‘innocent’ love to make themselves look as suspicious as possible.

PEARL: A’ A’ U EUHD OV THE REW-BEE TOT’S RAUND E’? SAY ISSA GOOD WAY’TA MUH’DA! LOGICO: …I don’t know what the fuck you’re saying. 

Tuscany is hiding in an ancient zoo with tiny cages and nothing in it. Except her, I guess.

LOGICO: Why are you in a zoo. TUSCANY: DON’T LOOK AT ME, I’M A WILD ANIMAL. And as an academic, I can assert Mx. Tangerine was at the Hollywood sign. LOGICO: Don’t you character-relevant dialogue quip at me, Mother.

Pearl, meanwhile, is attempting to sing.

PEARL: TWUYNK-GULL TWUYNK-GULL WEE’OOL STARE RANDO: MY GOD, SHUT UP!

After thinking of the line over and over again in his head, Logico still can't figure out what the hell Pearl was trying to say to him. He needs to do something better with his time.

(Skype noises)

IRRATINO: LOGUUUU LOGICO: EW, no. How are you doing? IRRATINO: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Logico drops the phone. Into a lake, too!

LOGICO: NOOOOO! IRRATINO: Oh my god Logico don’t cry, Jesus! LOGICO: I’M NOT CRYING IDIOT, I DROPPED THE PHONE INTO A LAKE! IRRATINO: Ohhhh yeah. Wait, how is it still working? 

Logico grabs for it and brings it out, drippin’.

LOGICO: ANYWAY, I’m at the PARK and I need some murder help.

IRRATINO: Yay! I’ll do some marot stuff. 

He does some marot stuff.

IRRATINO: Chancellor Tuscany was seen with a log. LOGICO: How does that help? IRRATINO: [shrug] Gotta go, my dishwater is VERY sad right now. BOOOP!

It turns out Tuscany was STILL running from blackmail… and finally got the person who was threatening her.

TUSCANY: Logico, you monster! You were my prized student and now you’ve exposed two of my murders? LOGICO: You’re keeping count? Not even I do that. TUSCANY: That’s OUTRAGEOUS! I wish you were still in college so I could expel you.  LOGICO: Yes, well, sad things happen sometimes.

Lavender is cheesing by the Hollywood sign when someone runs by and shoves him off the cliff. It’s Tangerine - they finally got their ruby. They wink at the fourth wall and take off.

The end!

Lel that had nothing to do with movies

Anyway I'm feeling better <3 Hope it lasts longer than my last happy break

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[bomberqueen17]

inspections

in terms of the kitchen remodel we are still waiting on like five pieces of trim and the door of one cabinet. so we're to the final details phase. which means the electrical and plumbing inspectors from the town have to come by.

the plumbing inspector came by and was super friendly and funny and was like "i guess i gotta run some water, i'll feel silly if i don't and there was a problem, but mostly i mean, if there was a problem you'd probably have noticed right?" and i was like yeah fair enough, wanna look at the gas lines they moved? and he was like oh i guess i will, sure. Super low-key.

The electrical inspector was similarly chill but he looked grimly up at the smoke detector they'd put up in not the place I'd expected them to, and said "that's. not where that goes." I said "it goes off all the time" and he was like "yeah it's way too close to the stove, I would not have put it there. But the problem is, you need there to be a carbon monoxide sensor within fifteen feet of your bedrooms, and the closer bedroom is seventeen feet that way."

Sure enough. It's the right kind of smoke detector but it's in the wrong place.

I looked up the manufacturer's instructions and they say to put it 20 feet from the main cooking appliance. Ten if that's not possible, but preferably 20. I measured, and it's eight feet from the stove. I can't get emojis to insert but this is the upside-down smiley, right here.

So the hallway location would have been completely fine for that, and in fact better. And that's where I had pointed out that they should put it, and that's where Jim had said they'd put it, and it's where I fully believed they were putting it until they finished the job.

So I'm displeased and have to psych myself up to call Jim and break the news to him, that it's not just that I could put another sensor up and be good-- the one they put in is just plain in the wrong place. I don't know if they can properly move it, they hard-wired the communication wire to the basement alarm, and I don't know if they can fish that through the ceiling that direction. (They can't, I'm one thousand percent sure the joists go the other way.)

But the alarm they installed, which cost me extra outside of the five figures of work done on the kitchen, is incorrectly located, and meets neither the manufacturer's guidelines nor town building codes. So I gotta put my big girl panties on and complain about that. I'd been preparing myself to just suck it up and set the smoke detector off every time I cooked but realizing that it's absolutely not supposed to be there has removed my last shred of putting up with that shit.

Hell fucking no. Now, how to say that nicely???? *deep breath* I can do it. Polite but firm.

On another note-- I went out of town for the weekend and got stuck there because of the snow, and finally made it back Monday morning, and when I texted the family groupchat that I'd made it home my mom was like "great!" and then literally one minute later was like "so what color are you painting your kitchen" so understand that y'all are not the only ones waiting to find out.

LOL any color would workkkkkk so I gotta pick one and do it. But probably not this week, as today's the last break in the weather and then we're supposed to get absolutely slammed with snow.

[honeyjars-sims]

2.15 Voices Carry

[As Chantal makes her way to Nico's office, she overhears him talking to Ambrose about Kayla Flemming. Her curiosity getting the better of her, she stops to listen]

Ambrose: This whole thing has just been an absolute nightmare. I knew that bitch would become a thorn in my side at some point.

Nico: Well you can’t expect classy behavior from low-class individuals like Kayla.

Ambrose: I don’t see how you dated her for so long. 

Nico: Me either. Well, she did pretty much anything I asked. Until she started getting mouthy with me. I lost interest really quick after that.

Ambrose: Well, you dodged a bullet. So, what the fuck do we do?

Nico: I don’t know, I’m kind of at a loss. How did she even find out?

Ambrose: That’s what I’d like to know. The way she was talking, she has to know something. 

Nico: Maybe she has someone on the inside.

Ambrose: I wouldn’t put it past her. I’m just worried this will escalate to an official inspection. We’re not prepared for that. We need to make sure no one finds out that the ingredients don’t match what’s on the label. I knew we should’ve stuck with the old seller. He was a bit pricier, but at least his shit didn’t cause reactions.

Nico: Well, I gathered all the documentation I could find for any purchases that could arouse suspicion. Unfortunately I'll have to wait until the paper shredder gets repaired before I can dispose of them, which won't be until next week. 

Ambrose: We should be ok until then. You have them secured, right?

Nico: They’re locked in my desk drawer. No one has a reason to go in there, so it should be fine.

Ambrose: Good. Well, if we’re shredding documents, they’ll need to be replaced with something. If an inspector comes, we need to have something to show them. 

Nico: Already on it. I have Chantal writing some receipts for me.

Ambrose: The social media girl? What did you tell her?

Nico: Oh, I just said the originals were damaged and I needed them rewritten for tax purposes. You know, she reminds me of how Kayla was when we first met. Believes anything I say and does whatever I ask. It’s been fun.

Ambrose: Ugh, you’re not fucking her, are you?

Nico: [laughs] You know me too well. Don’t worry though, I’ll be done with her soon. I’m already getting bored.

Ambrose:  I really wish you’d stop fucking around with these college students. I know we don’t keep them for long, but it’s going to come back and bite you in the ass one day.  We don’t need to worry about this one, do we?

Nico: She does ask a lot of questions, but I just have to give her the puppy dog eyes and flatter her a bit. Then she's eating right out of my hand.

Ambrose: Hmm, we could use her as a scapegoat. She’s already on everyone’s radar after that whole review business went down. It would be easy to deflect some of the blame onto her somehow.

Nico: I thought about that, but I do need her. Like I said, she does whatever I ask, and she is good at the job. I’ve had her doing work that’s way above her pay grade for a while now and she’s none the wiser. Saves us from hiring some graduate who expects a high salary.

Ambrose: I guess if you need her we’ll have to think of something else then. 

[We see Chantal heading towards the exit looking upset. She makes a text]

Chantal: [texting] Hey, it’s Chantal. I think I’m ready to meet with you now.

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