#the husbandification of evan buckley

[menace-behaviour]

*Bobby and Athena are visiting the Buckley-Diaz house*

Athena: So, how are you two handling life with a teenager and a baby?

Eddie: It’s exhausting, but also really great. I just didn’t know it was possible for someone to cry this much.

Athena: Oh, May was the same. Your little one will grow out of it, don’t you worry about that.

Eddie: Oh, no no. Our baby is an angel, she’s been no trouble at all.

Athena: But, you just said…

Buck: *Walking into the room holding the baby, tears in his eyes* Eddie, I love her so much! But not more than Chris! I love them both equally!

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Hen: So, how are things going with you and Buck? You’ve been together a little while now, huh?

Eddie: Good, actually! I think I’ve finally fucked the doubts about us out of him.

Chimney: *Who happened to be walking past at that exact moment* I didn’t need to know that. I did not need to know THAT.

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*Buck got a rescue dog and is absolutely in love with her*

Eddie: *Looking at her* It’s not even that cute.

Buck: Eddie, are you seriously jealous of my dog, right now?

Eddie: Jealous?? No! I don’t get jealous! Especially, not about a dog.

*Later in the night*

Eddie: *To the dog* Listen here, you little boyfriend thief.

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Buck: *Ate something with too much spice in it and his eyes are watering*

Eddie: Buck, look at me. It's okay. I would die for you. I love you so much. You're the best person I know.

Buck: No, it's okay. I'm not sad, I'm just white.

Eddie: *Holding Buck's head against his chest* Shush baby, it's okay. Christopher is here and we both love you with our entire hearts.

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Eddie: Will you come ice skating with me? I've never been.

Buck: Okay, but I'm warning you right now, I have terrible coordination. It took me, like, six months longer to walk than all the other babies.

Eddie: How's your hand holding?

Buck: Award-Winning.

Eddie: Then I think we'll be fine.

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Eddie: Buck, you can’t hold Chris’ hamster when your hands are covered in glue!

Buck: Correction: I can’t drop Chris’ hamster when my hands are covered in glue!

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Buck: How am I supposed to know if Eddie feels the same way? Are you sure he even likes men? I'm a total smoke show and he barely even looks at me!

Chimney: From the front maybe!

Buck: What the hell does that mean?

Chimney: It means everyday I am subjected to seeing my co-worker constantly zero-ed in on my wife's brother's ass!

Buck:

Chimney: And I, for one, am sick of it. So please, for the love of God, just ask him out!

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*Buck is having a wine night with Maddie, Hen, Karen and Athena*

*Text from Buck at 10:13 p.m.*

Buck: My love, I am intoxicated.

Eddie: Sounds like you're having fun, baby. I'll see you when you get home <3

*Text from Maddie at 10:17 p.m.*

Maddie: *Sent a photo of Buck passed out on Hen and Karen's table, phone in his hand, zoomed in on a selfie Eddie sent him* He cried himself to sleep about how in love with you he is.

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Eddie: Buck, I’m in love with you.

Buck: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, Eddie, remember? But, I appreciate the effort.

Eddie: No, I know.

Buck: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcoolcool. Unrelated, but I'm going to need to hear that on repeat for the rest of my life.

Eddie: I'm sure we could arrange that.