#the historical inaccuracies in this post i know okay

[casiavium]

Hey👋 lupae et cinaedi 🐺💁‍♂️💅🧚‍♂️it is the🔪✨Eidibus Martiis✨🗡️and you know what that means😉‼️ Send this to decem🔟of your sluttiest😏senators👨‍🦳👴for bonam 🦴🍆 fortunam 🔮🧿 or face decimatio1️⃣0️⃣🔪🫀🙀 and poena cullei 🐓🐕🐒🐍➡️🎒⬇️🌊🏊 for not🚫repaying🪙your debts💰! you say🤔there's no👎need to beware😱 the Ides1️⃣5️⃣of☘️March🏃💨! BUt the Ides have come💦🫦 but not❌ gone👋! Will you join🤝the conspirators⚔️in the trap🪤to🤺🗡️stab🔪🩸🫣Caesar🍌🍑😩🥵😳 for the greater good⚖️of the 🦅🕊️res publica 🍞🎪 (καὶ σύ, τέκνον 👶❓) or will you 🫵 avenge 😡 the death 💀🪦of the glorious👑dictator⛓️perpetuo🫅on this✨Idus Martias✨⁉️

Make the right👍choice🙇‍♂️for🏛️S📜P🏺🫒Q⛲R🍷🍇

[i-cant-sing]

To that one thought about the different monarchs YES TO ALL

Ahahaha im so glad so many people liked that idea (OG post here), so ive decided to work on it. So, lets set the story okay? (also btw do not @ me with historical inaccuracies and dates because i simply dont care about all of this that deeply). This AU will have multiple parts, where reader gets to travel through different time periods (and some of them will be real historic figures, others would be created by me).

Reader is a scientist, was working on her time machine (which is just a small box with time/year slots on it), and decides to travel to the past to solve some mysteries, or perhaps simply for the love of history.

So, where does reader travel to first?

1180. Landing right in the kingdom of Jerusalem. And who does she meet?

King Baldwin IV- the leper king.

Reader wanted to see how leprosy, a deadly disease at the time, had affected the king, who despite his conditions, still managed to possess great military strategies and IQ. And how even though his people knew about his outcome, still pledged their loyalty and unwavering support.

You, a scientist of the modern time ofc brought along futuristic gadgets with you. Knowing how youd look in your present era clothes, you wore a watch that allowed you to change into clothes of old times, to blend in easily. All of your gadgets were concealed easily because of their "invisibility cloak" feature.

You made your way towards the castle, making sure to not let awe be apparent in your face as you took in your surroundings, thinking of all the questions youd like to ask the wise king. Of course, you had to make sure you dont do anything to disturb the historic timeline, because then it just might lead to disastrous results.

Getting into the castle was easy, after all you had equipment to sneak you in undetected. You looked around as the servants rushed around, talking about making the arrangements perfect for the feast. You figured out that the feast was probably for another victory the king had gotten, which meant that everyone would be too busy to notice you snooping around.

With everyone engaged downstairs, you had your way up to the king's study, where you opened the door only to be met with a tall burly man standing there, looking surprised to see you.

"Who are you?" He barked, and you got the worst vibes from this man.

"Uh- Im a servant!" You said,backing up a little, just in case you needed to make a run. The man narrowed his eyes as he looked you up and down. "A servant? No servants are allowed in the king's study!"

"The king sent me here." You lied. "And why are you here if servants are not allowed?"

The man's eyes widened in rage before grabbing you by the neck. "Because Im not a servant, fool! I'm his brother in law!" He shook you hard. "And I dont think youre a servant, if you couldnt recognise me! I will have your head, spy!"

"GUY!" Someone yelled from behind you, making Guy look up as his grip around your neck loosened. "Let her go!"

"Your majesty, she's a spy-"

"She's a servant. I sent her up to retrieve my papers." Guy let you go, as you quickly turned around to see him- King Baldwin. You bowed to him as you gave him a glance, noticing his piercing gaze through his iron mask. His gaze shifted from you to Guy. "And what were you doing here, Guy?"

"I was looking for Sibylia, your majesty." He said.

"In my study? My sister is waiting for you downstairs. Go." Guy scrambled away with his tail tucked between his legs, while you watched as the king made his way into his study, leaving you outside.

You took a step back, about to leave-

"Well, come on in." He called you. You ponder over it for a second before walking in. Look, how many times can you meet a historical figure like him?

Baldwin was sitting in his chair, his eyes looking at you through his mask. "So, who are you and what were you doing here? And dont bother lying, unless you want to be tortured for attempted assassination on the king."

You bit your lip before sighing. "Im Y/n L/n." Clasping your hands together, you took a deep breath. "I came here because... I wanted to know about you."

He rested his chin on his palm. "Why? Do you not know about the king of Jerusalem? Where are you from?" He's not vain, but he knows that his numerous victories have made him popular over the years. So why do you not know of him? Or his brother in law, Guy, who is very vain.

"Im from nowhere. For as long as I can remember, Ive been travelling from place to another. Of course, Ive heard about you, but... I crave to know more." You said, partly telling the truth because you do want to know more about him.

His eyes remained on you, the same intense gaze. "And why should I allow you to know more? Do you mistake yourself to be worthy enough to even be in the presence of a king?"

Shit. He was trying to put you in the corner. You had to play this smart.

You smiled softly. "Of course not. Then again, none of us are worthy of anything God blesses us with." You paused, letting the words settle. "Your majesty, I only wish to know more about you because I like to write. I like to write about history, and when one day, God forbid, you succumb to your illness, wouldn't you like to be known for more than just your victories?" You'd read about how Baldwin IV was a fan of history and stories.

His eyes stared at you- no, through you. Unmoving, he replied. "Man shouldnt be so narcissistic to have someone write about his deeds."

You gave a nod. "Jesus wasnt a narcissist. Neither was Mary, nor Abraham. Muhammad wasnt a narcissist either, yet theyre mentioned in books- holy books, nonetheless."

The room fell silent for a few seconds, before he spoke. "True. But why should I have you write it, instead of using one of my scribes?"

"Precisely for the reason you just said." You raised your head a bit. "They'd write never ending praises for you, portray you as this omnipotent ruler, make you look like a narcissit even. I have a keen eye, your majesty. I like to look at what there is beyond the surface. If you let me be your scribe, I could write about details you dont even know. Id write about your strengths as well as weaknesses, for the generations to read and learn from you."

Baldwin remained still for a few moments before finally standing up, walking directly towards you until he was face to face. His blue eyes shining bright under his iron mask.

"I will let you write, under two conditions. First- I approve what gets to be in the book. And second... you spy for me."

"Wait, spy?"

He hummed. "Well, not a conventional spy. You wont have to leave this castle and penetrate enemy territories to eavesdrop. I still dont trust you enough. No- you- you will spy on my court. I want to know what is happening, when, where, and who says what." Under his mask, he raised a brow. "Do you accept?"

You pretended to hesitate, when in reality this was the exact situation you wanted to be in. "Hmm... yes. I accept."

"Good." He walks back towards his desk. "I expect that it goes without saying- complete discretion." You smiled. "Of course, your majesty."

-

Months passed by as you worked for the king. He let you in on details, allowed you to ask personal questions, and in return you kept an eye on everything that happened in court. Listening on to what the servants whispered to eavesdropping on "secret meetings" of the nobles- of course, headed by Guy. Oh how you loathed that vermin's guts. No- he had no guts. A spineless creature, who blatantly talked of the king's eventual demise and all the ways he'd make the kingdom flourish again, how he'd show "no mercy to Salauddin and his muslims". You have no idea how Sibylla was attracted to him- a man who plans her brother's demise openly.

As for the king, working with him- or for him, wasnt all bad. In fact, it was quite fun. The amount of stories, the secrets youve been able to discover- none of it could ever be found in any history book. Most of all, you respect Baldwin on a whole new level now.

His struggles, ever since he was kid- not being a legitmate ruler, his parents being forced to separate, then being diagnosed with leprosy but forced to keep it a secret, the competition with his other sibling to be the heir, and of course, even when he did become the king, he still had to prove his mettle- his worth that he's worthy of ruling even with his disease.

With his life expectancy being uncertain and a huge amount of responsibility being shovelled onto him, he had to learn a lot and master various skills in very short time.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Y/n could only imagine how isolated he must feel. Not being able to touch anyone, to have a significant other, to constantly win battles and do everything in your power to help the kingdom flourish, just for him to not even be alive to enjoy the fruits of his efforts. And worse, he's forced to give it away to his brother in law, that useless piece of shit.

Its one thing that confuses you about Baldwin. You know how persistent he is, how when he sets his eyes on something, he does everything in power and BEYOND to achieve it. For example, when he was only a child and had started to lose the ability to use his hands, he quickly learned to use his thighs to steer his horse. He did not let his disease hold him back, so how does a person as motivated as him simply allow his kingdom to be left in the hands of someone as incapable as Guy?

Then again, you suppose he's doing it for the sake of his sister. Baldwin adores Sibylla, and you could see why. Sibylla was his older sister, she took care of him, and she was forced to marry early because the court would only allow Baldwin to be king IF she were married, so that when Baldwin dies of leprosy, her husband could take care of the kingdom. Baldwin views it as the ultimate sacrifice, so even though he has tried to separate his sister from Guy, she has refused because she's in love with him.

God knows how. You wondered. Guy does not have any redeeming qualities, then again youre thinking like a 21st century woman. Woman of this time had the bar for men set below the deepest level in hell.

"So, what do you have for me today?" Baldwin asked you, snapping you out of your thoughts. You sighed, shaking your head. "Nothing new, really. Your brother in law, pardon my language your majesty, has been spewing shit about how he'll make the kingdom great again when you die. But when those nobles ask him how, he either has no answer and tries to cover it up by saying its a secret, or he'd say something so ridiculous- his ideas are bound to not only fail, but actually destroy the kingdom even more. I am surprised he doesnt give himself a headache by his own voice. God knows i get one whenever he opens his mouth." You complained, rubbing your temples making the king chuckle. Baldwin seemed to enjoy how informally you spoke.

"Guy is... something else. I apologise on his behalf." You could sense him smiling under his mask. You gave a small smile, but truthfully, your head was actually hurting a lot. You could only hope this was not a migraine developing.

"Would you like tea? Or wine?" He asked as he called in a servant. "Just water for me, thank you." You said, closing your eyes for a few moments as the sharp ache in your head increased.

Baldwin's eyes remained on you, a calculated gaze. "Are you alright? Should I call in the physician?" You shook your head. As if you could trust physicians of this time. "No, I'll be fine after I sleep." You have some medical potions with you that could heal your basic diseases and pains. A gift of modern medicine. But you'll have to use it discreetly, lest someone from this era discovers it and calls you a witch.

The servant soon brought in a chalice filled with water for you and you immediately took a sip of the cool water. Baldwin stood up as he walked over to the window, looking out into the dark night.

"Can I ask you something personal?" You asked. He hummed. You stared at his back, the white cloak he was dressed in. "Do you think if you never had this disease, would you still be a great king? A king who is so motivated to make his kingdom as successful as he can before his time is up?"

He looked back at you, and for a second you wondered if you had slighted him. But these past few months, you've learned to read his body language, despite how hard he conceals both himself and his thoughts.

"No." He said, turning back to the window. "I probably would've been a spoiled brat, I don't think I would've even been chosen to be king. I would've lost it to my half brothers." He tilted his head as he looked at a particular star in the sky. "I suppose my disease is a blessing. God blessed me with it to humble me. Had He not, I probably wouldn't be religious."

"And is that how you see your suffering? A blessing from God?" You asked as you pulled out the medical vial from your cloak and poured it in your chalice. Your headache had started to pulsate now and you needed this.

"I do. I have to serve my people, and my suffering has brought me closer to them and to God. And even with my disease, I was made a king. Isn't that divine intervention? My purpose on earth?" He said almost monotonously, as if he's had this conversation a thousand times.

You took sip of your medicated water, headache immeadiately reducing in intensity. "So... if you had the chance, would you still be the leper king? Or would you be healthy but... not a king? Just a man who gets to experience life like the rest of us, eat normal food, play with others, walk without having to wear a mask, or even fall in love?"

He remained silent, but his shoulders dropped ever so slightly. Tired? Or defeated?

"I prefer not to think about things I have no control over, Y/n." He finally turned around and his blue eyes looked at yours, though this time, there was something else swirling in them. "Finish your water and head to bed. I don't think you're well enough to tell me a story tonight." You smiled gratefully. Over these past few months, the king had enjoyed the modern world stories you told him. Some were literature classics, like Romeo and Juliet, others were straight up fanfic plots with details missing because he wouldn't have understood them anyways.

You were about to pick up your chalice when suddenly Baldwin fell to the ground.

"Your Majesty!" You rushed over to him, watching him tremble on the ground as he struggled to breathe. You dropped to your knees and attempted to remove his mask, only for him swat your hand away.

"No! You'll get it too!" He said, his eyes screwing shut in pain. He was worried about you contracting leprosy.

"Just- trust me." You pursed your lips as you moved his hand away and removed his mask, before removing the white veil underneath it, which was there to prevent his peeling skin and sores from sticking to the iron mask.

You didn't gasp when you saw his disfigured face. No, you'd seen it already when they constructed his face using modern technology. You touched his forehead with your palm, noticing how warm it was. This was one of his leprosy fevers, it was serious and quiet painful. But you already know he doesn't die until 1185 and it's still 1180.

"I'll go fetch the physician-"

"No!" Baldwin yelled, struggling to breathe. "No- just-" He suddenly whimpered as pain shot through every fiber of his body, making him dig his heels into the ground. Your heart wrenched at the sight.

"Its- too- hot- i-" you looked around before grabbing your chalice and bringing it to his lips, holding his head in your lap, you helped him drink the water. He drank it all, his forehead now covered in sweat and his face still contorted in pain. You held his hand and squeezed it.

"Its okay, Baldwin. I'm here. I'm right here." You whispered, his head resting in your lap as you gently wiped his forehead with your sleeve.

Baldwin stared up into your worried eyes, and that was the last thing he saw before he passed out.

-

Baldwin woke upto screaming. Opening his eyes, his blurred vision slowly cleared upto watch you and Guy screaming at each other, the latter had his hand clawed into your hair.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOURE TALKING TO, YOU WENCH?!" Guy yelled as he shook you harshly.

"A SPINLESS BEING NOT WORTHY OF BEING CALLED A MAN!" You spat back, eyes red with rage.

Guy's eyes widened at the insult before he raised his hand to strike you, but was stopped by Baldwin.

"Guy! Let her go!" Both of your heads snapped towards the king.

"Y-your Majesty?" Guy couldn't believe his eyes. He survived?

"I said- let. Her. Go!" Baldwin commanded as he stood up and walked over to them, making Guy immeadiately let you go and bow to him. Baldwin's eyes landed on you, and you gave him a small bow.

"Leave." Baldwin commanded, eyes fixed on you.

Guy looked up from his his bowing position. "Your Majesty, I'm so glad you're well-"

"I said, LEAVE!" Baldwin's voice boomed, his eyes never leaving yours. Guy scrambled put of the room quickly, and you started to leave as well, but Baldwin grabbed your wrist.

"Not you." He said, those blue eyes piercing into you. "I- how long was I out?"

"2 weeks." You replied.

Baldwin let out small gasp as he let go of your hand and slowly walked towards the mirror in his room. It was quiet for a minute.

"What... happened?" He asked, looking at his reflection.

"Well, after you fainted, I called in the physicians and they took you to your chambers. They had prepared some medication but were hesitant to apply it on you, fearing they'd contract your disease. So, I convinced them to let me do it since I had already touched you. When I was done, your sister, princess Sibylla and Guy came. Guy asked the physicians when you would be dying, and the physicians said a few days and that this time- you may not wake up from your fever. While your sister broke down, and honestly I'm not trying to create problems for you guys, but you could ask anyone and they'd tell you just how much Guy beamed at the news. Anyways, they both left soon after that. Things were quite for a week, with the physicians coming in to give me the medication to apply on you. Then-" you paused trying not to show your frustration in your voice. "In the second week, Guy started fussing around and throwing tantrums since you didn't die yet. I mean, I was in your room but I could still hear him yelling at the physicians outside about how his coronation was being delayed because you were still here. It pissed me off, but you know me- I'm not one to get into family matters. So I didn't do anything. Then today-! Ugh, he came in while I was in your bathroom and I saw him grabbing a pillow and bringing it near your face. He stopped when I chucked your bible at him- so sorry about that but it was nearest thing next to me- and I just asked what he was doing. And do you know what he said? He had the nerve- THE NERVE to say 'I'm just trying to end his suffering, in fact you should do it. I can't risk contracting leprosy, I'm the future king!' And then I chucked your golden cross at him- again very sorry for that. And then we got into an argument and well- that's what you woke up to."

It was quiet again. You looked at Baldwin staring at his reflection, and for a moment, you thought he wasn't listening to you.

Baldwin nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Y/n. You may go to your room now. I will send in some physicians to check if you've contracted leprosy."

You frowned. "I havent-" but you stopped. How were you supposed to explain to him that you're "vaccinated".

In the mirror, his eyes shifted to you. "I know, but I'd like to know for sure. For my peace of mind."

You nodded. "Look, I'll go apologise to Guy right now-"

"No. There's no need. I'll talk to him myself. You've done enough. Please go to your room and wait for me." Baldwin gave you a small smile and watched you leave.

Moments later, he had a guard fetch the head physician in, who confirmed your story.

"Its true, your Majesty. Y/n risked her life to be with you for the past 2 weeks. She didn't leave the room and would apply medication on you herself, changed your clothes, wiped your sweat and even fed you some soup herself. She seemed very determined- almost as if she knew you'd recover. I'm ashamed to admit that I... I did not think you would." The physician even confirmed all the shit Guy had been doing, but Baldwin didn't need anyone's testimony to know that Guy was planning his downfall- and celebrating it. He wasn't surprised by that.

He was surprised by 2 things:

1. You hadn't contracted leprosy.

2. He was recovering from his disease.

"Its true. As you'd asked, I had done a check up on Y/n and I did not find any signs of leprosy... or any disease. She's as fit as can be!" The physician said in awe.

Baldwin smiled at that, looking at the mirror again. His own skin had begun healing. Many of his sores had already disappeared, and his complexion was returning to normal. And physical appearance was one thing, but Baldwin could even feel himself healthy on the inside. That constant ache in his bones was gone, the fatigue was gone, the suffering was gone.

But how? How could it just go away like that?

It's been 2 days since he woke up, and his health only seems to be improving at an exponential rate. And he's still trying to figure out how he got well out of nowhere. Closing his eyes, he tried to recall the events of that night.

All he remembers is falling down, fever enveloping his body so quickly, he felt like he was burning up, and then you were there and you helped him drink-

Baldwin eyes snapped open. It made sense.

He called in the guard and had him fetch his senior council members in his court room.

"I have 2 surprises for you." Baldwin said as he sat on his throne, looking over the members (Sibylla and Guy were also present), all staring and perhaps gawking at how well he looked now. "My disease is cured. I no longer suffer from leprosy." The court immeadiately fell into whispers and mutterings before going silent when he raised a hand. "I know it sounds impossible, but as you can all see, my health has not only improved but in fact I have become stronger. My body is no longer ridden with sores and boils. I no longer wear a mask, neither do I require assistance in walking. In fact, I am even able to use both of my hands to not only use a sword but also-" He pulled out a dagger and aimed it an apple he threw in the air, piercing right through it. "- I am no longer blind in one eye."

The court erupted in cheer, congratulating the king and praising God for saving Baldwin and the kingdom. From his throne, he could see Sibylla clapping in joy and wiping tears from her eyes as she smiled at him, while Guy looked at him in shock.

"Your majesty! What's the other surprise?" One of the members asked.

Baldwin smiled as he stood up.

"I have found a wife. She's the one who healed me."

He looked at the court that had once again erupted into cheer.

"Jerusalem has a new Queen."

-

"What do you mean I can't leave?" You asked the guard who was stationed outside your door.

"Ma'am, as I said before, the king has asked you to wait for him and ordered us to not let you leave until he comes." He said before closing the door again.

You scoffed. Can't leave? Why the hell not?

It's probably because I insulted Guy. He wants to punish me because of that. Will he throw me in the dungeons? Or will he just have my head chopped off?

You pulled out your time machine, the small box in your hands.

Well, I'm not sticking around to find out. Time to leave-

Just then, you heard the door open, making you hide the machine again. Is he finally here?

"Princess Sibylla." You bowed.

She chuckled, grabbing your shoulders. "Now, now. There's no need for that. In fact, I have to be the one bowing to you now." She said before kissing your cheeks. She's always been very humble and kind, and over the past few months, you've developed a good friendship with her.

You gave her a quizzical look. "What do you mean?" She laughed again. "Oh come on. You don't have to hide it anymore. Tell me, how did you persuade Baldwin to marry?"

"The king is getting married? To who?"

Sibylla raised a brow at you. "To-"

"Sibylla." A voice cut her off.

Baldwin was standing at your door. You bowed quickly, he looked at you before shaking his head at his sister.

"Will you leave? I have to talk to Y/n."

Sibylla nodded as she walked towards the door, but not before giving him a hug and congratulating him.

You two were alone now.

Baldwin had his hands clasped behind him as he walked closer to you.

"How are you feeling?" You asked him, eyes shifting to his hands. Is he holding a knife? To punish you for insulting Guy?

"I'm well, all thanks to you." He replied.

"Huh?" You looked at him confused, but your mind was still occupied with his hands. What is he hiding?

I need to delay this and find an escape route to use my time machine. You thought.

"Um- I uh- I heard you're getting married." You gulped, eyes still fixed on his hands, trying to anticipate any sudden movements.

"I am."

"Oh um, congratulations."

"Thank you." Baldwin said, tilting his head slightly at your wide eyes fixed on his hidden hands.

Cute.

"Y/n." He called out to you.

"Look, if you- if you're still mad at me about what I said to Guy, I apologise. But- but just so you know, I- I DONT THINKS ITS GOOD OMEN TO MURDER ME BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!"

"Y/n."

"I WILL HAUNT YOU-! IM SORRY BUT I WILL AND I WILL HAUNT YOUR WIFE AND YOUR KIDS-"

"Y/n!" You looked at him as he stared at you with amusement. "You're being ridiculous."

"Huh?"

With one hand, he cupped your cheek as he brought himself closer.

"Why would I kill my soon-to-be wife?"

What? Wait-

"What?!" You shrieked backing away. "What kind of joke is that?!"

Baldwin looked insulted. "I wouldn't joke about this. You're very important to me."

"No- I- what?!"

He sighed as he sat on your bed. "Well, it makes sense, doesn't it? You saved me from an incurable disease, clearly you're the Chosen One, sent to me by God, and now I'll marry you."

You looked at him perplexed. "What are you talking about?! Saved you? All I did was help you drink water, apply your medication and-" you paused.

Helped him drink water... from my chalice... the one with... the medicinal vial.

"No." You covered your mouth in shock. What have I done?! This would change history completely! Shit. Shit. shit shit shit-

"Yes. You dont have to be so worried. The council is actually quiet happy that Im marrying someone, and they agree that there is no better match than the woman who saved my life-"

"I did not save your life!"

"Of course, you did. You gave your chalice-" "How is that even possible?! It only had water!" "Water that touched your lips first. Of course, it mustve been your essence, your saliva that healed me-" "Ew, no. Do you even yourself?! This is all unbelievable!"

Baldwin furrowed his brows slightly. "Its... not. I mean, look at you. You spent weeks taking care of me, you touched me, and yet did not even show signs of any illness, let alone leprosy! Of course, youre the chosen one!"

"I am not the chosen one!" You yelled as you pulled at your hair frustratedly. How could you fuck up so bad? If Baldwin really is cured, then history will be changed- and it will have disastrous impacts on future-

Baldwin pulled your hands away from your hair, tutting at you. "Dont do that. Youre the Queen, you cant hurt yourself."

"I am not the Queen."

He nodded. "Yet. But you are a princess now." Baldwin said as he pulled out the box hed been hiding behind his back all this time. Before you could even react, he'd already pulled out the big gold ring with a sapphire that had tiny diamonds around it and he slipped the ring onto your finger. You gawked at the ring making him chuckle.

Baldwin bent down to kiss your forehead sweetly before tapping your cheek admonishingly.

"Now, no hurting yourself princess. I want my queen in perfect health." Your cheeks reddened at how close he was, making him laugh even more as he pecked your forehead again and turned to leave.

You couldn't even say anything, he'd left you speechless. He looked back once, a lazy smile on his face.

"I should leave you to rest now, before Sibylla returns and starts pestering you with wedding preparations. She told me that shed been looking forward to this day for a very long time."

so this is part 1. thoughts????

PART 2 here!

[priceoftheduchess]

oh, father! where art thou?

part four.

highschool au, long lost lovers, enemies to lovers if you squint, grumpy and sunshine-esque dynamics (eventually), simon riley & fem!reader.

cw) angst, use of 2nd person, allusions/vague depictions to intimacy eventually, drinking eventually, breakdowns, motherhood, simon riley is father, un-canon lore! all of it eventually, MILITARY INACCURACIES SORRY SUE ME also not proofread!!! :U

a/n: guys!!! i have 100 likes on this account already 🥹 i want to kiss you all! also peep the hamilton reference ;P (sorry listening to “the world was wide enough” rn LOLL)

a/n 2: THIS IS SO FECKIN SHORT IM SORRY luvvies i try my best omggg !! also i might try to start writing some more intimate scenes ! if that’s something you’d all want! i’ve never written anything super explicit so ! tips are appreciated (no pun intended)

to my favourites! @girl-lostconnection @alkalineapparition and everyone else!

a/n 3: (i can’t shut the fuck up) if you want to be on my tag list comment on this post / my masterlist / send me a message! okay sorry bye enjoy

previous part

— dianna

It has been nearly three months since you’ve seen Simon. Boot camp has been nothing short of Hell, he’s told you in his letters. But he also tells you he’s happy. That the busyness makes him forget about his family. Or the lack thereof. That the working out makes him feel human again, and he loves the physical labor. Loves feeling needed.

And you write back that you love him. And that you can’t wait to see him again.

But the tap out is today. You’re bouncing on your feet getting ready, dressed in the sweetest sundress you own, taming your waves and beating your face. You’re a vision by the time you’re done and you nearly fall down the stairs from excitement. Imagine that.

“Sorry babe! Can’t come get you! In the hospital! Catch a ride! :,)” Ludicrous.

You make it to your car by some miracle and you’re at awe at the English scenery, and how it swishes by in an instant. Old buildings lining the busy streets, and historical landmarks on each corner. Such a vibrant city, Manchester. You can’t wait for Simon to be reminded of all of it.

You drive an hour or so out of the city, to a base secluded in on open field. You’ve never been to this part of England, despite living your life here. You park your car among others. Among mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. You realize now, that even if Simon makes this a permanent thing, you will not be an island unto yourself.

This thought comforts you as you walk, guided by signs and fancy military higher-ups. You see a field of men, dressed nearly the same despite some missing hats and some donning a jacket. A man finishes making a speech that has no significance to you, and you search the sea of men for Simon.

Searching excitedly for him, you bump into a man who dwarfs you. He is considerably large, his shirt fighting for its life. You scramble to apologize, looking up at him to realize he’s wearing. . . a plain black balaclava? The bridge of his nose is visible between his eyes, but everything else is simply a shadow.

But you’ve seen these eyes before. These eyes have undressed you, and these eyes have watched you walk from your final lesson to the parking lot. These eyes watched you graduate secondary school.

Is this Simon?

Who is this? It can’t be him.

The man takes off the balaclava before your mental battle is over and shoves it into his back pocket, wrapping a strong arm around your shoulders before kissing you sloppily — not giving you a moment to register the face under the fabric.

You pull away, your hand flying to pull your neckline above your cleavage again and you apologize.

“You have got the wrong girl, I can assure you! My boyfriend is around here somewhere. Maybe you know him? Simon?” And the man chuckles gruffly, forcing you to look at him.

“I know him well, dove,” he whispers softly, kissing your forehead. Millions of questions rush through your mind.

When did Simon get so strong?

What’s with the balaclava?

There is no time for you to ask for any answers before a man walks over, an ignorant saunter in his hips and a grin larger than life itself plastered on his face.

“This your bird, Ghost?” The man chuckles softly, patting your boyfriend’s back. He is so chipper and Scottish enough to almost make his words incoherent.

Ghost? What the hell happened while he was away from you?

“She’s my girlfriend, Johnny. Not just a bird,”

“Aye, my fault. Nice to meet you.” The man — Johnny — winks at you and shows himself off somewhere else.

“I’ll explain everythin’ later,” Simon says, as if he can read your thoughts. He follows you to the car, and the ride is silent.

So is dinner.

So is aftercare.

There are never answers. The balaclava sits on his desk, teasing you. Daring you to press the issue. But you never can. You wake up next to Simon for the duration of him being home, but you’re unsure who it is you’re truly waking up besides. Who has killed Simon and left this man in his space? In your bed? In your shower? Who has killed Simon and left this man to fuck you?

You feel horrible, you do. But, it’s. . . he’s quieter. Curter with you. This is when you decide to press the issue.

You decide while he’s nose-deep in your tits is best. Licking and biting like a man starved, getting his friction from the sheet.

“What’s with the mask?”

He audibly groans, negatively, and sits up. “Good timin’,” he snarks and goes to change into some new sweatpants. “Nothin’ ‘bout it, luv. Just don’t want all those people seein’ my face. I ‘on’t know. Didn’t figure it’d be an issue.” He explains, almost bored. “Don’t know these people. Don’t tell ‘em my name.”

“An’ you never thought to mention this’a me?” You’re not sure why you’re so irritated about this. Maybe because Simon has changed so much, so quickly. The muscle you don’t mind. But it’s everything else. The anonymity. The curtness. You know what happens from here, and it causes your eyes to sting. You know that one day, Simon will go from curt to silent. He will lose everything that brought you to him, and he will be a shell of himself. War is not kind. It is not gentle. It tears and destroys all in its path. War is not about what is right, it is who is left when all is said and done. And you’ve started crying.

“You’re different, Simon. You are short with me now. These is a different air about you. You don’t even wear the same cologne! You haven’t even unpacked your duffel, ‘ike you’re ready’a go back already! You’re still hiding things from me! Why are ya doin’ that?!” You’re ready to keep screaming but he cuts you off by shoving your face in his pecs. It’s not so bad here.

“Stop.” He orders. Already barking like orders like he’s some kind of Lieutenant. Oh, God, Lieutenant Riley? Could you imagine? You hope he lives to make it that far. “I understand why y’re upset, luv. Y’re scared of change, and of my change, but we weren’t goin’a be those same, timid fuckin’ secondary kids forev’a, yeah? Hell, y’ve changed ‘fore I did. Y’re gorgeous, and y’re a spitfire, luv. Got a sharp tongue now. I’m sorry if’ya think I’ve been short wit’ ya. And I’m not hidin’ nothin’ from you. I jus’ like my privacy, yeah? Don’t know those men, yeah? N’ I’m sorry that me losin’ the cologne is botherin’ ya, but it was from my Dad, luvvie. Couldn’t keep holdin’ on’na it.” He explains, and you feel a bit silly now. “We were bound’a change, luv.” He shrugs, kissing your head. “How can I make it easier for ya?” He asks, and your heart melts. You know now that you only have one condition.

“If you can just stay alive, that would be enough.” You plead, big ol’ doe eyes and batting eyelashes helping your case tenfold.

“I’ll fight for you, my luv. No one else can protect you like I can,” he says and you snort. So cocky, so quickly. You give him that luxury.

“Any other conditions, luv?” He asks, chuckling gruffly at your snort.

“I bought some new rubbers in preparation for today. Yes, there are many’a ways you can make this easier,” you wink. You’re stumbling into bed so quickly that you forget the rubber that started this to begin with.

Oh, what’s one round without it?

[poshbiscuit]

Ok, I have two questions for you

1.- What is your process for writing? Like, how do you plan out a story in the long term?

2.- How the fuck did you improve so much in so little time?? Ive been a fan of yours for some time and istg, CRaawloTT and ABCs and 123s are years light apart in quality!! And they were posted just with a months difference, like what??? Did you sign a deal with the devil?? Tell me your secret, ive been writing since 2022 and i havent improved a lot😭😭

Warning: This is going to be a ramble 😭

First of all, I want to say thank you for the ask and for reading my fics!! I really appreciate it :)

Now, for your questions:

1. I am someone who needs everything to be picture perfect before I even begin to think about writing the fic. So, I’ll come up with the vague concept first. Most of my WIPs don’t get past this point lol. But if they do, then I explore the idea a bit more. Make the concept more than just a sentence or two. Think about other things that could link and come into play. Think about how this concept COULD potentially be fleshed out into a story. Just get a word document, or a Google Doc, and just dump. Dump every single idea in your head, don’t overthink it. If you still like it after that, and you still have inspiration and passion for it, then start a rough outline. Now, an “outline” is subjective. Like I said, I’m an extreme perfectionist. Therefore, I’m not happy to start writing before I have every single moment of the entire story planned out. I have a Google Doc for “Yours, Veronica” which has a summary of everything that happens in every single chapter. It’s nearly 200 pages long. You do not need to go this crazy! 😭😭😭 This is just my personal preference. So I write an outline for the story. I go back and read it. I change it. I add more. I read it again. I research things to make sure there are no historical inaccuracies. I add more. I keep on redrafting it and adding to it and changing it until I am 100% satisfied. For “Yours, Veronica” this took me a few years. Again, you don’t need to be this particular about it, it’s entirely up to you. You don’t even need an outline! Write how you want to write. This is my personal planning system, and it’s what works for me. I like having a strict and thorough outline to refer back to when writing the chapters.

Okay, for your second question, I’m going to waffle a bit, so bear with me! And I do want to preface by making it very clear that I am not a professional writer. Like… at all. I don’t really know what I’m talking about! So take it all with a pinch of salt :)

I do want to say thank you. I can’t believe you’ve been around for so long! That’s incredibly sweet, and I appreciate you so so so much.

In terms of progress, I have a lot of thoughts about this.

I think a big reason why there is such a difference between CRaawloTT and ABCs is because CRaawloTT was so unfathomably bad. It was immature, there was no effort, no planning, no spellcheck, it was written rapidly and badly, and it was (objectively) stupid. I was young when I wrote it, and I had never properly written a story before. So my point is that CRaawloTT was such utter trash that literally anything would be better than it, which is why ABCs seems a lot better. I still don’t love ABCs and I still don’t think it’s very good in hindsight but oh my god it’s SO much better than CRaawloTT. The thing is, it’s pretty easy to be better than CRaawloTT.

Another thing that I do want to point out is that I was very young when I wrote my very first fic. Even though ABCs wasn’t that long after, when you are young your maturity rapidly grows and each year you’re like a new person. If that makes sense? So, I would say that I was really young when I wrote CRaawloTT (and it shows) and I was less young when I wrote ABCs (and it shows). I think even the end of CRawloTT has a pretty big difference to the start. But really, it is effort that is the main point. During those few months between the stories, I worked a lot on the new story and therefore was improving, and also was automatically making a better story. I was just doing at least the bare minimum, which I hadn’t done before.

I mean, even now I go back and I look at The Prom Bet (which is a ton better than ABCs) and I cringe because it’s so frustrating and immature and there’s a lot of contrivances. You have improved and you will improve. I’ve been doing this for nearly 6 years now and I know you may not feel like you’ve made progress but you have. We are all our own biggest critics. But if you want to keep on improving until you notice it, then all you can do with writing is just keep doing it and you will get better. It’s experience, that’s all it is.

I’d say a big tip is trying new challenges and getting out of your comfort zone and testing yourself. With ABCs, the difference was I started implementing things like minimum chapter word count goals and that made a huge difference. From CRaawloTT chapters that were rushed and less than 1000 words to ABCs which had chapters that were a minimum of 3000 to 5000. Another thing was doing an outline, like I mentioned before. CRaawloTT had no outline and I had no idea where it was going. I would randomly open a word document and decide “Uh okay, chapter 7? I guess… this can happen?”. The impact that makes on the quality of your story is huge because you’ve got a story there. It’s not guessing games, and spur of the moment incoherent babble. Of course there’s spellchecker too. Listen, ABCs still has a lot of spelling errors because I was still a bit lazy 😭 but it’s better. And that’s the progress that you’re talking about. Such basic tools that I just didn’t implement at first. So don’t beat yourself up! What I’m trying to say is that you probably started at a much higher level, with much more effort, passion and consideration. So, of course your progress isn’t going to seem as dramatic!

So really, it wasn’t like I went from “good” to “amazing”, you know? I went from “really really abysmal” to “not as bad”, which seems like a huge jump but it’s not. It’s just a big difference in quality, because the first one has such a lack of quality that anything feels like a big jump. I think you need to give yourself more credit.

Finally, and perhaps the most important point of all, is that I didn’t love doing CRaawloTT, and that shows in the writing. You can put hours of effort in, you can have all the talent in the world, you can use every technique in the book. If you don’t like what you’re writing, it’s going to be so clearly. I loved writing, I loved being part of the Heathers fandom, but I didn’t like CRaawloTT itself. I had no passion for it. I had passion for ABCs. I enjoyed writing it. I enjoyed the story (at the time). I was excited for it. That’s such a huge difference. Just like how I feel even more excitement for Yours, Veronica.

so TL;DR:

The reasons for the improvement from my first fic to second fic are that my first fic was just so awful, I implemented very basic writing and planning methods, and also I was very young when doing my first fic.

I’m sure you have improved, even if you don’t see it. Just continuously writing and gaining practice and experience is the best you can do

Implement challenges and goals if you haven’t already. Set a higher minimum word count for your chapters in order to improve pacing, for example. Write an outline, if that’s what helps you, so you don’t go off-track. Try a new style of writing that you’ve seen before that you like.

I am so terribly sorry for this completely unnecessary babble. I got a bit passionate there! I really really loved this ask and I really loved talking about this stuff, so thank you ❤️ good luck with your writing, I’m sure you’re doing great and you’ll continue to do even better. Have faith!

[kennedycore]

Ok I’m watching the kennedys, as you know, and I want to know your opinions on it if you ever watched it!

I also want to know why caroline had it canceled ?

aaaaaa i love reading your posts when you're watching the show!!! i'm happy to know you're continuing it lol

i watched it around 4 years ago ago so my memory of the show is pretty hazy (i've been itching to rewatch...)...

i think there's such a scarcity of kennedy media that i get happy regardless when there's a show/movie/documentary coming out about the kennedys.

i LOVE barry pepper as bobby, kristen hager as joan (in the sequel series), and kristin booth as ethel. they did such an incredible job!

i thought greg kinnear as jfk was okay and i didnt like katie holmes as jackie because i kept being distracted by the fact that she was katie holmes lmao

i like the pacing of the show but the production quality is a little iffy at times and some of the acting is sooo bad (the actor for j. edgar hoover stands out to me in particular).

like many people, i wasn't a fan of them treating kennedy family "myths" as fact and i wish there was more kick, joe jr., teddy, etc. the show mainly focuses on jack, bobby, ethel, jackie, rose and joe sr.

caroline got it cancelled because she didn't like a lot of the inaccuracies the show presented, which is the reason why a lot of critics didn't like the show as well. i'm sure she also wasn't a fan of the show presenting her father hoeing around with actresses and mobster's girlfriends lmao

some of the inaccuracies that were presented for example:

the family myth of joe offering jackie a million dollars to not divorce jack. when jackie heard about that rumor she called up joe sr and said "why only 1 million, why not 10?" lmao so it definitely wasn't true

jackie being on the verge of a drug addiction and constantly about to break down. jackie would take a lot of vacations away from the white house to recharge and she was nowhere near a drug addiction. she was chain smoking profusely though lol

bobby going soft on mobsters (including sam giancana) when in reality bobby famously struck down on a lot of organized crime syndicates during the 50s.

jack being reluctant to help james meredith, the first black student to attend the university of mississipi during segregation, when in reality he threatened to utilize the national guard if he wasn't allowed to attend that university.

the show just felt really sensationalist and i'm fine with historical inaccuracies for the sake of entertainment, but the acting and production quality was just... bad so it definitely didn't help.

[madwolfxiii]

Season 3 of Bridgerton. Holy shit. I loved it. As a fan of not just the show, but also the books, I am excited with some of the changes they are throwing in. But everyone on the Bridgerton fb group I am in are not. Should I be shocked since it's people on fb??? But I just had to share my little rant review that I posted in the group for all of the people being salty. Spoilers below!

What can I say about those final 4 seasons of Bridgerton except WOW. And it's a good wow. I was upset that it was split up but the season was still amazing. Romancing Mr. Bridgerton has been my favorite of the books (so far). And I feel like they really did it justice. They had the main story beats while still doing something different.

Moving onto the Francesca stuff. You know what. I am actually excited about the change to Michaela. At first when people were spoiling it I was just like, why do they have to do that? I feel like genderbending an established character is just lazy. But I can forgive it because I think it would definitely make their story interesting! Now I could be saying this because I haven't finished her book. I started it before watching season 3 and just got to where John died and Francesca had her miscarriage. So I am not so invested in her and Michael as people who have read the book and may consider it their favorite. But I can see why people would be bummed with a major change to their favorite couple.

But I HIGHLY disagree with everyone saying that the show will be unwatchable now. It's still the same story. Just Michael is Michaela and that will just present more obstacles for them. I do realize a big part of Francesca's storyline is her infertility and wanting children. That really doesn't need to change just because she falls in love with a woman. She can still have that struggle. They can show it during her marriage with John before he dies. Maybe they really struggle to get pregnant then they do and he dies and she loses the baby. Michaela can help her through that and they fall in love and maybe adopt!

But before I hear the "well their relationship can't be public because it wasn't allowed back then." Are you really looking for historical accuracy with Bridgerton? Mixed couples were DEFINITELY not allowed back then but the Queen is poc. Bridgerton is presented as like an alternate timeline to history. The real Queen Charlotte was not of color. None of the couples in the books are mixed. But Shona created this world where it is accepted in earlier times then real life. Not without scrutiny and struggle, obviously, as we see in Queen Charlotte when skin color is commented on throughout the season. But some people are okay with that inaccuracy but put their foot down with a main couple being a gay one? On the topic of them being accepted and being able to be public, well that may be part of the storyline and maybe the Queen helps them out. In the novelization of Queen Charlotte, her and George knew about Brimsley and Reynolds and they were okay with it. I'm sure the Queen would have found a way to let them be together if the story wanted to go that direction. Sadly we never found out what happened to Reynolds.

Also people are saying that Michael is supposed to be one of the hottest love interests and their book is the steamiest. Uh it still can be. Michaela looks pretty hot to me and I am as straight as they come. If seeing two girls be intimate on screen makes you uncomfortable then that's your problem. I am ready to see Franny get down and dirty with her lady love.

Also I totally saw Benedict as bi since season 1. He always came off as a little bi curious and I was so happy that he finally accepted it. Good for him for having a threesome. The only complaint I had about that particular storyline was how we would be watching some Whistledown drama then it would suddenly cut to the threesome. It was sort of jarring, as hot as the threesome was. But I thought it was cool seeing Benedict explore his sexuality because like I said, in actual history that was not allowed. But Bridgerton isn't following actual history to a T. It's paving its own way and I am fine with that. With the mention of the masquerade ball next season, Benedict will FINALLY get his love story. Maybe Sophie would be down for a threesome. Who knows.

Also to all the people STILL saying Polin was unconvincing...you need your vision checked because their love and their happy ending had me in tears. I was really happy with how well it did follow the book while also changing it up enough to make it interesting. Because if I want the beat by beat story of the book, I will just read that again. That's the thing people. WE STILL HAVE THE BOOKS. They are not going anywhere. This show will not "ruin" them.

[adosmess]

I've had an idea in my head for a year now, I would call it Japanese folklore AU. I have a storyline and some scenes that I would like to write and draw for it.

In the main idea we have Sun, a saint kitsune, not at all with 9 tails, I'm leaning towards no more than 6 here for him.

Moon in this AU is a tengu! Not quite in the usual sense, but a hermit or an outcast among other tengu. It's okay, he wasn't really looking forward to being among the others there.

Eclipse is similar to Sun in some ways! I've only looked at the fanon one up to this point, but maybe that will change at some point haha.

So, he is a kitsune too! A field kitsune, to be precise. Not as good and not at all trying to be so compared to Sun. And I'm leaning towards Eclipse having 8 or 9 tails! That would mean a lot.

And so... Do we have a Reader, or an original character? I'd like to leave it open to interpretation, but I'm also not going to leave the MC pure and simple with no backstory.

So, they're nekomata! (Or bakuneko depending on how the story goes, but who they are is a pretty important thing to know.)

I don't want to give too much away, but through a series of events in the story, Sun and Moon (or Eclipse) take us under their wing as young supernaturals who may need some help and apprenticeship in this new world and life for them.

I want everyone to take into account that the Reader, like the other interpretations of the characters I have presented here, are NOT children. They are adult beings. Just as neither Eclipse, nor Sun, nor Moon are related by blood to each other, they are NOT brothers.

The story will likely feature romantic, platonic, and queerplatonic relationships.

I tried to spend as much time as possible on historical and folkloric data of Japan in order to achieve creative freedom in this regard... Some things just didn't fit right when reading what Japan was like, so I'm going into historical inaccuracy and a lot of changes that hey, it's probably not even the same Earth. Probably not.

Thanks to anyone who read this post, I'm looking forward to actually writing more about my idea and drawing designs for each of them.^^ (I'm not sure if I'll write about this on ao3, but I won't say for sure that it won't happen either.)

[stellae-de-baphometis]

An Ultimate Revise: Who Or What Is Satan?

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

Okay... So I have a lot to say before I get into this post, because the original blog post I made was extremely problematic and I would like to address it, first and foremost.

My original "Who Or What Is Satan" post that I wrote was meant to be an educational and historical post, but it ended up being far from historically accurate whatsoever. It was full of errors and antisemitism, and I had absolutely no idea what I was talking about.

And so I've decided to completely rewrite and revise the entire post from scratch. It's something I've been wanting to do for a while now, because I really hate how my original post turned out and how antisemitic it was.

So without further ado, here is the revised and rewritten version of my original post, minus all the bullshit lol. Strap in, because this is gonna be a looong post! Full blog post is under the cut. ↓

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

So here's a little more info and backstory on the original "Who Or What Is Satan" post, before we get into the revised version;

⚠️ - TRIGGER WARNING: Antisemitism - ⚠️ About a year ago now, I wrote a blog post of the same title under the username of @/thebaphometicforest. At the time of writing that post, I was extremely uneducated and new to Daemonolatry, and I had also been almost fully indoctrinated into a Ne0-Naz1 cult on Reddit without realising it (cough cough the fucking cesspit that is r/DemonolatryPractices cough). The blog post I wrote was full of misinformation and antisemitic propaganda, and I'm really not proud of the fact that I used to hold such antisemitic beliefs surrounding Judaism and cultural appropriation in general. I have since deleted the post, though I believe there are reblogs of it that exist, for those who wish to seek it out for further context, or whatever other reason you may need it.

I would like to take the time to sincerely apologise to the Jewish community for how blatantly ignorant and disrespectful I was in my past. There is no excuse for my antisemitism; I was just stupidly misinformed. I want it to be clear though that I never intended to purposefully discriminate against Jews, I just didn't realise how problematic my views were at the time. I wanted to clarify that distinction; But the bottom line is that the intent doesn't matter. At the end of the day, I was still a dick. It is no excuse and I take full accountability and responsibility for my past actions.

Please know that my past problematic views do not represent me anymore and I have changed and educated myself since then. And with that said, I want it to be my main goal to help dispel antisemitism, ignorance, and bigotry in occult spaces as an ally, as well as advocate for the rights and wellbeing of the Jewish community not only in occult spaces, but overall. 💙

With all of that said, it's time to set the record straight and talk about who and what Satan actually is!

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

DISCLAIMER: Please keep in mind that I am not Jewish or Muslim, and therefore cannot speak from those perspectives on this subject. I understand and acknowledge that the concept of Satan originates in Judaism and have no intention to be appropriative. I'm simply just going off research and from what Jewish people in occult spaces on Tumblr have said regarding this subject. I also apologise in advance for any inaccuracies in this post. Please don't hesitate to point them out and I will correct them as soon as I can! Xx

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

+: GIF Credit :+

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

Satan has evolved to become a very complex character in the modern day. In fact, the very concept and idea of Satan can depend on who you ask, as there are multiple different spiritual paths that interpret Satan differently nowadays. Satan's history has also been muddied quite a lot over the years.

But what are the actual historical origins of Satan, and how did he even come to be?

༺・ The Origins Of Satan ・༻

So, where did Satan even come from?

The origins of Satan can firstly be traced back to Judaism, where Satan refers to an angel (Ha-Satan) that was initially subservient to God. It was only later that he came to be known as "The Devil" in Christianity (sometimes considered synonymous with Lucifer, a bastardised Greco-Roman god) and was referred to as an evil demon, devil, and fallen angel. Later in Islam, he came to be known as an evil spirit who went by the name of Iblis or Ash-Shaytan.

The concept and role of Satan varies drastically between Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and other belief systems which may have similar figures in their mythology. Let's further elaborate on what Satan means when it comes to these three belief systems.

Note: In the Christianity section, I have added a lot of my own interpretations and personal beliefs on the subject as I used to be a Christian as a child. However, I have not done the same with the Judaism or Islam sections as they are closed practices from what I have heard, and I feel that it is not my place to have a UPG on a closed practise, especially if I am not a part of it. Therefore, I will only be including historical info I have gathered from doing research in those parts and nothing more. I wish to remain respectful by not adding my personal input on those parts.

--- --- --- --- ---

+: In Judaism :+

There appears to be two main accounts of Satan in Judaism. The most well-know account is that Satan refers to an angel in the Torah named Ha-Satan (literally "The Satan") who is actually subordinate to God, rather than being an opposing force of God. His role was to test the faith of God's followers by tempting them to sin. If they resisted Ha-Satan's temptations, they were proving themselves faithful and loyal to God.

Another account comes from Satanail, the Prince of the Grigori Watcher Angels. The role of the Grigori were to descend to Earth so they could guide humans and teach them. But when they began having sex with humans and producing offspring such as the Nephilim, they were cast out of Heaven and became fallen angels. Some translations suggest that the Nephilim were a type of giants, whereas other translations suggest that they were the hybrid children of fallen angels.

Sometimes the archangel Samael is also equated with Satan, however they don't necessarily have the same functions. Samael was usually tasked with destroying sinners, whereas Ha-Satan was tasked with tempting and testing sinners.

--- --- --- --- ---

+: In Christianity :+

Here's where things begin to get muddy. Satan is referred to in multiple different ways in Christianity, and it really just depends on the interpretations and translations of the Christian Bible. Let's have a look at Satan's multiple titles that are mentioned.

~ The Serpent ~

Satan is considered to be synonymous with The Serpent that convinced Eve and Adam to eat fruit from the Tree Of Knowledge. In Genesis 3, the serpent claimed that if you ate the fruit, you could "be like God, knowing good and evil".

+. Genesis 3 .+ ❧ Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made. He said to the woman "Did God really say 'You must not eat from any tree in the garden'?" ❧ The woman said to the serpent "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die'." ❧ "You will not certainly die", the serpent said to the woman. "For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil". ❧ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.

In my interpretation, Satan brought liberation, indulgence enlightenment, wisdom, and free will to Adam and Eve through eating the fruit. He showed them that if they open their minds and were willing to learn new things, they could grow and flourish to be wiser than they once were, as well as constantly strive to be the best version of themselves.

It was actually God that brought about consequences for Eve and Adam eating the fruit from the Tree Of Knowledge, not Satan. My interpretation is that if you choose to embrace your true and best self, there are always going to be people who will not like or approve of you; But that doesn't mean that you are doing something bad (as long as you aren't hurting anyone or doing anything immoral of course, lol).

~ The Devil ~

I think everyone is aware that Satan's most well-known title that he goes by is "The Devil". Personally, I don't like to refer to Satan using this title because the word originates from the Ancient Greek word 'diabolos', meaning 'slanderer'. This implies that Satan is a liar and deceiver, which I don't personally believe. In my experience, he has always been a bringer of wisdom and truth.

Satan is said to be the "father of lies" and that he "leads the whole world astray", but I still have yet to see any evidence of him lying or leading anyone astray. The Christian Bible says that he lies, but doesn't show how he is a liar; At least not to my knowledge anyways. However, the God depicted in the Christian Bible seems to have lied about how the fruit on the Tree Of Knowledge would kill Adam and Eve... Because it didn't. It enlightened them and opened their eyes. It helped them to see the truth.

I can't really find any bible verses that suggest Satan actually lies; Only verses accusing him of being a liar. I did, however, find evidence that God lies in the Christian Bible. (Please note that this isn't me trying to be anti-Christian or anything, I'm just trying to make the point that there isn't really any evidence that Satan is deceptive in the Christian Bible. This is mainly to point out the hypocrisy of conservative/extremist forms of Christianity.) Here is an interesting verse that I found which may prove my point that God is deceptive and does in fact lie:

+. Jeremiah 4:10 .+ ❧ Then I said, "Alas, sovereign LORD! How completely you have deceived these people and Jerusalem by saying 'You will have peace', when the sword is at our throats!"

Just something to thing about lol.

~ The Dragon ~

It is when Satan is introduced as The Dragon that the idea of him falling to the Earth (presumably from Heaven) is addressed in Christianity for the first time. In the Christian Bible, Satan is described as taking the form of a giant seven-headed red dragon, donning ten horns as well as seven crowns, one atop each head. It is described that Satan is "hurled down" to the Earth, as well as his angels that serve him.

+. Quotes From Revelation 12 .+ ❧ Then another sign appeared in Heaven; An enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads. Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the Earth. ❧ Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in Heaven. ❧ The great dragon was hurled down - That ancient serpent called The Devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the Earth, and his angels with him.

+. Luke 10:18 .+ ❧ He replied, "I saw Satan fall like lightning from Heaven".

I personally don't really believe in angels or the Christian God, therefore I don't believe in fallen angels and I don't really buy into the divine simply being split up into "good vs evil". Instead, I believe in metaphorical fallen angels; Deities and spirits that were bastardised by Christian extremism and painted as evil, simply because they were anything other than the Christian God (e.g. Baal and Ashtoreth starting out as Canaanite deities and being demonised into the Goetian daemons that are Bael and Astaroth).

I think the whole thing of Satan being "hurled down" was most likely just a metaphor to symbolise his apparent defeat and that he had no place in Heaven, according to the Christian God.

~ The Morning Star ~

I think this is mainly where the whole idea of fallen angels came from, when Satan was conflated with The Morning Star, better known by the name of Lucifer. Funnily enough, Lucifer is never actually addressed by name in the Christian Bible; At least not that I could find. Rather, he is addressed as "morning star" and "son of the morning".

+. Isaiah 14 .+ ❧ How you have fallen from Heaven, morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the Earth, you who once laid low the nations! ❧ You said in your heart, "I will ascend to the Heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the upmost heights of Mount Zaphon. ❧ I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High." ❧ But you are brought down to the realm of the dead, to the depths of the pit.

+. 2 Peter 1:19 .+ ❧ We also have the prophetic message as something completely reliable, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.

These verses seem to paint Lucifer as some sort of fallen angel that was jealous of God and wanted to rise above him. However, what some may not know is that Lucifer didn't even start off as an angel at all. The name "Lucifer" is Latin for light-bearer. The Greek word for this term is "Phosphorus", which is also the name of a Greco-Roman deity!

Phosphorus was the personification of the planet Venus, which appeared as the brightest "star" in the sky at dawn, hence the term "morning star". Phosphorus was the son of Aurora, the Roman goddess of the dawn, hence the term "son of the morning". So technically speaking, Lucifer and Satan may not even be the same entity. At least, not historically. The concept of Satan originated in Judaism, whereas Lucifer seems to have spawned from the bastardisation of a niche Roman god.

However, when it comes to Luciferianism, Lucifer is seen as a guide/teacher, liberator, guardian, beacon of enlightenment/ wisdom/ truth, and even sometimes the "true god" as apposed to the Christian God. I personally differentiate Lucifer from Satan to an extent in my beliefs, but more on that a little later!

IMPORTANT EDIT: A good friend of mine has since informed me that the aforementioned bible verses weren't referring to the Roman god Phosphorus. I was incorrect about this. The term Lucifer was actually a title applied to the King that ruled over Babylon at the time, most likely Nebuchadnezzar (II) the Great. The King of Babylon was compared to the planet Venus because of his power and influence in the world. He was "cast down to the earth" because of his wickedness. In this context, "Lucifer" was a physical human being; Not an angel, nor a god.

It was only until Christianity that these verses were misinterpreted (probably because of mistranslation issues, though I'm not entirely sure) and the story of the King of Babylon was twisted into the tale of an alleged angel that got his arse kicked out of Heaven for "disobeying God" or whatever lol.

You can read more about the backstory in this PDF I found that goes further into detail here.

--- --- --- --- ---

+: In Islam :+

The concept of Satan is also found in the Qur'an under the names of Iblis or Eblis, also known as Ash-Shaytan or Al-Shaytan. He was a djinn and the "leader of the devils" in Islam. On some accounts, Iblis actually started off as a high-ranking angel and went by the name of Azazil (not to be confused with Azazel). Iblis was assigned the role by God of eradicating disobedient and destructive inhabitants of Earth, so that they could be replaced with humans who were more obedient. But when Azazil refused to create a successor, he was punished by being cast down to Earth by God, where he then became a shaytan.

In another account, God created Iblis from the fires beneath the seventh Earth. Iblis worshipped God for thousands of years, and eventually, he ascended to the surface and continued to rise in rank until he accompanied angels in the seventh heaven.

God then created Adam from the essence of clay and breathed life and a soul into him, and ordered the angels to bow down to Adam. But Iblis refused to bow down; Being a jinn born of the essence of fire, he felt superior to Adam and refused to bow down to someone he considered to be below him. His disobedience to God and efforts to prove humans unworthy led to him being cast out of Heaven, where he earned the position of an eternal enemy of humankind.

--- --- --- --- ---

So with all of that said, I would now like to talk about my UPG of Satan and my personal spiritual beliefs surrounding him! :)

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

+: GIF Credit :+

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

༺・ What Does Satan Mean To Me? ・༻

My personal experience of Satan is that he's a very complex figure made up of many different bits and pieces from other spirits and deities. But mainly, I view Satan as being a triune godhead made up of three different beings/aspects; Lucifer, Sathanus, and Baphomet. It's kind of similar to the "Holy Trinity" in Christianity. He's a diagram I made of the "Satanic Trinity" lol.

In my UPG, I see Lucifer, Sathanus, and Baphomet as their own distinct entities, but I also see them as all being aspects of Satan as well. Think of them as being like a hydra dragon; Three distinct heads that all connect back to the same body. I also believe that other daemons can hold this title as well (Azazel, Belzebuth, Mephistopheles, and possibly many more) but I also see the term 'Satan' as just that; a title.

My best friend @sortiarus-de--naturas--daemonum has a really cool UPG regarding Satan as a title. She believes that Satan can be anyone or anything, and that it can also be a title for people who appose Christian (extremist) values. I actually really love this lol and agree with it quite a lot. ^.^

--- --- --- --- ---

In regards to the Satanic Trinity, the number (3) is said to historically be a sacred and magical number, revered across many different cultures and religions.

❧ In Celtic Paganism, the Earth was said to be made up of three realms/parts; Land, Sea, and Sky. ❧ In Alchemy, there were Three Primes (tria prima) that corresponded with the three aspects of human nature; Salt (body), Mercury (mind), and Sulfur (spirit). ❧ In Greco-Roman religion and Neo-Pagan religions such as Wicca, the triple goddess was a triune godhead usually made up of three different goddesses (e.g. Artemis-Selene-Hecate) and was usually also associated with the waxing, full, and waning phases of the Moon.

I view Satan in a very similar way to this. I see Sathanus and Lucifer as being almost like polar opposites, with Baphomet being in the middle of both of them.

❧ If Lucifer is Above and Sathanus is Below, then Baphomet is the middling Within and All Around. ❧ If Lucifer is the Sky (Upperworld) and Sathanus is the Land (Middleworld), then Baphomet is the Sea (Underworld) that meets and connects the two. ❧ If Lucifer is the Radiance of light and Sathanus is the Shadow of darkness, then Baphomet is the grey Quintessence in between. ❧ If Lucifer is the Sun above and Sathanus is the Earth below, then Baphomet is the Moon that middles between the two. ❧ If Lucifer is the Waxing Moon and Sathanus is the Waning Moon, then Baphomet is the Full Moon that connects the two moon phases together.

These are the correspondences I personally associate with Satan. I also have my own UPG about how Satan came to be.

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

༺・ So... Who Is Satan Then? ・༻

I believe that Satan came to be through many different deities, spirits, influences, and Christian extremist paranoia throughout history. To an extent, I believe Satan to be a spirit shard of sorts. What's a spirit shard, you ask? Allow me to explain...

+: Spirit Shards :+

❧ A spirit shard is when a piece of a deity or deities breaks off and develops into its own entity that stands alone from its fountainhead deity. This is usually the result of vilifying and demonisation of gods from other religions and belief systems, primarily done by Christian extremists.

A good example of this would be the formerly mentioned Bael and Astaroth; I believe they are both spirit shards of Baal and Ashtoreth that came about because of demonisation by Christian extremists, and eventually those demonisations broke off from the fountainhead deities and became distinct daemons.

I also believe that there was some egregoric influence that aided in the creation of Satan as well. Thus, I feel that he could partly be an egregoric entity too.

+: Egregoric Entities :+

❧ An egregoric entity is a spirit, deity, or other type of entity that arises into existence from the collective thoughts, influences, and energy input of a distinct group of people.

Lord/Lady Baphomet themselves are a perfect example of an egregoric deity that arose from the collective belief in them being falsely conflated with "The Devil" by Christians. But more on their origins a little later. :)

--- --- --- --- ---

With all of that said, here is my take on how the three main aspects of Satan that are Lucifer, Sathanus, and Baphomet came to be! Please note that this is just my UPG and isn't meant to be presented as an absolute truth or fact; These are just my personal beliefs.

Note: In my practice, I believe in eight elements rather than just five. I believe in Fire, Air, Water, and Earth. I also believe in Spirit, but I split it into three aspects; Spirit Above (Radiance), Spirit Below (Shadow), and Spirit Within (Quintessence). Finally, I also believe in Void as an eighth element, which is represented by The Self, as you are the ultimate creator of your own personal practice. :)

.

∙---+ 🜍.~ Lucifer ~.🜍 +---∙

As previously mentioned, Lucifer seems to have originated from the Roman god Phosphorus, a personification of the planet Venus that appears as the brightest "star" in the sky at dawn, called the "morning star". Phosphorus also had a brother named Hesperus, who was basically the same but instead appeared at dusk instead of dawn, and was known as the "evening star". In some accounts, the two gods were later combined into one singular deity.

For whatever reason, this niche Roman god was then dragged into the Christian Bible with the coming of Christianity, thus demonising them and leading to an initial split of Lucifer as a spirit shard from Phosphorus/Hesperus.

Interpretations then spread of Lucifer apparently being some sort of "fallen angel" that was cast out of Heaven for wanting to "rise above God" out of jealousy and pride. They were then conflated with being an evil demon, possibly originating from the benevolent daimon/daemon that was initially a type of guiding spirit that provided wisdom and knowledge, and not actually having anything to do with being evil at all.

Lucifer then started being conflated with The Devil, The Serpent, The Dragon, and the entire concept of Satan in general, thus leading to Lucifer earning their place in the Satanic Trinity.

❧ Lucifer represents higher consciousness, wisdom, enlightenment, knowledge, spiritual liberation and freedom, a guiding light in the dark, expressing/embracing your true self, confidence, standing up for yourself, self-love, rebellion, and always striving to be the best version of yourself.

+: Other Correspondences :+ - Animals: ravens/crows, hawks, swans, tree snakes, doves - Colours: icy blue, sunshine yellow, snowy white, sandstone orange, rich golds/silvers/bronze - Element: Air & Radiance (Spirit Above) - Incense/Scents: sandalwood, lavender, juniper, amber, lily - Metal: Copper & Gold - Planet: Venus & Sol (The Sun)

.

∙---+ 🜔.~ Sathanus ~.🜔 +---∙

In my UPG, Sathanus is a complex daemon and deity that came into being via multiple sources. I believe that the concept of him spawned in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam; However, he later broke off into a spirit shard and egregoric deity, and further developed into his own entity over time.

As Christianity spread and extremist paranoia began to mount throughout the years, more and more deities were demonised and vilified in comparison to the Christian God. Deities such as the Greek Pan, the Celtic Cernunnos, and the Canaanite Moloch were all conflated with "The Devil" and falsely assumed to be demons. Overtime, attributes and pieces of these gods and many other vilified horned deities began to feed into the concept of Satan; And in an egregoric fashion, Sathanus evolved into a daemon and deity of his own.

He even has entries in several demonology grimoires that were written within the past few hundred years (e.g. Livre Des Esperitz and Liber Officiorum Spirituum).

Sathanus is primarily The Serpent, The Devil, and The Dragon. In the Garden Of Eden, he showed Eve that she wasn't bound to follow the rules of God if she didn't want to. He gave her the fruit of the Tree Of Knowledge to open her eyes and show Eve that she had freewill and could be the god of her own life. At least, that's my interpretation of it anyway lol.

Some rumours suggest that The Devil appeared at Witches' Esbats as a "great black goat with a candle between its horns". In this account, he was referred to as "The Witches' Devil".

❧ Sathanus represents worldly pleasures, power through knowledge, self-leadership, ecstasy, strength, confidence, insurgence, finding/embracing the beauty in darkness, finding hidden wisdom, nature, deliverance from limitations, courage, hedonism, and liberation through "sin" and freewill.

+: Other Correspondences :+ - Animals: dragons, snakes, goats, bats, spiders - Colours: blood red, jet black, electric blue, rich golds, rosewood / dark strawberry pink - Element: Fire, Earth, & Shadow (Spirit Below) - Incense/Scents: dragon's blood, rose, cinnamon, black opium, sandalwood - Metal: Lead & Titanium - Planet: Saturn & Terra (The Earth)

.

∙---+ ☿.~ Baphomet ~.☿ +---∙

A lot of people don't actually believe in Baphomet as an existing daemon or deity, but rather simply as a symbol representing universal balance; However, from my personal experiences, they definitely are a very real entity. But how did they even come into being? Let's have a look at the history of Baphomet, and how they came to be associated with Satan later on.

Baphomet was said to have been a Pagan deity or idol that was allegedly worshipped by the Knights Templar. The name Baphomet first appeared in trial transcripts for the Inquisition of the Knights Templar starting in 1307. However, there doesn't seem to be any evidence that Baphomet was worshipped by the Knights Templar. Furthermore, it has been stated that the name Baphomet was actually a bastardisation of the name Muhammad, the founder of Islam.

It wasn't until the 19th century that the well-known illustration of the "Sabbatic Goat" was drawn by Éliphas Lévi. It was comprised of a number of binary elements in order to symbolise the "equilibrium of opposites"; Half-human and half-animal, male and female, good and evil, light and darkness, above and below, mercy and justice, etc. Lévi's goal was to symbolise his own idea and concept of balance, with Baphomet being an ultimate symbol and personification of "The Absolute".

But what many may not know about Baphomet, is that Éliphas actually drew inspiration from two distinct existing deities to create his Baphomet illustration; The Greek Pan and the Egyptian Banebdjedet. Lévi equates his image with a god that went by the title of "The Goat Of Mendes" (Mendes is the Greek name for the ancient Egyptian city of Djedet). On some accounts, it is said that Pan is The Goat Of Mendes, but it is much more likely that this title referred to Banebdjedet instead, who was mistaken to have been goat-headed instead of sheep-headed.

The chief deities of the city of Mendes were the ram deity Banebdjedet (meaning "Ba of the Lord of Djedet"), who was said to be the Ba of Osiris, as well as his consort Hatmehit, the fish goddess. In my UPG, Baphomet was partially conceived through these two deities, as well as through Éliphas Lévi's illustration.

❧ Baphomet represents ultimate balance, equity, unity of the universe and all its elements, cosmic order, the cycles of life/death/rebirth, queerness, beauty, duality, love and peace, creation, liberating knowledge, embracing/becoming your true and best self, creativity, wisdom, manifestation, and nature itself.

+: Other Correspondences :+ - Animals: sheep, goats, rams, cats, sea snakes - Colours: amethyst purple, sapphire blue, stormy grey, charcoal black, oceany blue-green - Element: Water & Quintessence (Spirit Within) - Incense/Scents: oud, patchouli, sandal rose (sandalwood and rose), frankincense, myrrh - Metal: Mercury & Silver - Planet: Mercury & Luna (The Moon)

.

+: Divider Border Credit :+

--- --- --- --- ---

Please keep in mind that all of the correspondences and associations listed here are brief summaries of my UPG regarding these three deities/daemons. I will be making additional posts going into further detail regarding Satan as a triune godhead, hopefully in the near future! I'm not sure when the posts will be out though lol.

⭒☆·━━━━━━━•( 🕸 )•━━━━━━━·☆⭒

Welp, that's pretty much it for this post! Holy shit this took me so long to write. 😭 I hope this has helped you learn more about Satan origins, and Satan as a concept as well as an entity!

I wish you well on your spiritual path. :)

༺⋆✦. Ave Satanas .✦⋆༻

-Korv

[assortedvillainvault]

"#...though everything in me wants to analyse the intersection of power and species in this film I must grit my teeth and acknowledge it is#Not That Deep and british ecology will have no meaning in a fun little film adaptation from the 50's"

No, please keep talking. This is the shit I live for! Okay, we know the truth is that is makes zero sense, but trying to make sense of it sounds very fun.

My own tuppence worth on the subject is just noting that the film would have taken place only about 100 years after the Norman invasion, which presumably in this Disney animal 'verse means that lions and other non-native predators would have been in every major position of power for all of living memory. It makes me wonder if Marian being a fox could mean she was descended from and Anglo-Saxon noble line that was deposed by the Normans. This could then add to the reading of invasive species (the rich and nobility) harming the entire ecosystem of society by over-exploiting native species.

So we have a story of the trickster non-apex predator who fits into this ecosystem, who belongs there due to having a place in the multi-species (multicultural) society versus the invasive apex predator who is a symbol of royalty, divinely appointed, and yet he is very much not a real part of this community he would nevertheless rule.

As a Brit, it's pretty reflective of how the nobility of the UK still works nigh on 900 years on. It's not anti-immigrant (see the bloody tortoise character, which is definitely a non-native species) but I read it as a condemnation of people with power and status who are so removed from the common people they rule that they may as well be of another species from another continent.

King Richard returning at the end kind of undercuts this reading, though, so I am definitely trying to shove my anti-monarchist views into a narrative not made to accommodate them.

Anyway, please share your thoughts on this, I need someone else to go way too deep into things with!

@the-phony-king-of-england

You are both wonderful, terrible enablers and I adore you.

Honestly Lancre you've pretty much nailed the historical implications I was trying to articulate in my own brain - that of the rich being animals that do not suit the area they're occupying.

Be warned I'm going to expand on this via an ecological wandering ramble below with no clear conclusion, so yay???

This. Gets. LONG.

(Also I'm shaking hands with you tightly, Brit for Brit on monarchial views here)

Aight ok. Basics first.

The Disney 70's (not 50's, my bad) Robin Hood is a loose adaptation of various folktales regarding Robin of Sherwood, who's tales originate at earliest, from the 1100's, and stretch to the 1500's. Robin as a singular figue never likely existed as just one person, and instead is a conglomerate of various daring, altruistic thief figures of semi-dubious origin. Dubious because this is medieval England and there ain't much to do but get piss drunk and swap tales around the pub fireplace, so there's always an element of inaccuracy and exaggeration for entertainment.

The setting of the story takes place in the city of Nottingham, and the surrounding Sherwood Forest. Both of which still obviously exist, though Nottingham is obviously MUCH larger than it was, and the forest has been reduced to mostly pine plantations and scattered ancient remnants of the original woodland.

There's no map for the medieval borders of the forest becuase officials were relying on collective memory and physially walking around the wood occasionally to demark it's location, but guesstimates would move he green area on the left image to encompass Nottigham and widen the forest eastwards a bit too.

The above reduction in size makes me smad, but that's beside the point. Sherwood in all it's medieval 100,000 acres was a royal wood - permissible to hunt in ONLY for the King and his fave besties. This is a point I'll come back to later. There was 1 (ONE) road to london south through it, and that road was prime time for Robin & co. to do as they do best, as we see in the opening scenes of Disney's adaptation.

The disney adaptation uses anthropomorphic animals to depict the typical robin hood story.

This is where my little conservation-masters-equivalent-certificate having bum starts to get it's knickers in a twist.

Like. I get it. On a folklore and symbolism level, the basic animals make sense. Robin is a red fox, a figure in British folklore often associated with cunning, trickery and swiftness - making him a perfect rackish protagonist, an outlaw with a heart of gold. Foxes are known to steal, and adapt very well to both modern urban environments and the medieval woodlands and fields. Brilliant choice, no notes.

John.

...John.

*deep sigh*

I KNOW. Our national animal and symbol for royalty is a lion. I KNOW. John and Richard being lions is a direct tie in to the lion coat of arms of the Duchy of Aquitaine, one of the ruling families to invade as part of the norman invasion. John even speaks french on occasion in the film, and directly refers to it as 'the norman' way! I GET IT.

That we have not had any lions, much less the african lion alive today, living on our island since the last glaciation period is something I'm still bitterly annoyed about, but whatever. It's fine.

That this also implies that Normandy, aka modern France, has a thriving population of lions running about in some fusion of french temperate flats and the kenyan savannah is something I just have to grit my teeth and nod about, but WHATEVER IT'S F I N E -

*Insert aggressive bardcore accordion music here*

Ugh. Moving on.

Ecologically, and story wise, it would make most sense for the denizens of Nottingham to be anthropomorphised as animals native to the region. And for the most part this holds up. We have the rabbit family, the mice, the owls, blacksmith dog, the singing rooster and Lady Cluck the Chicken, who has my WHOLE heart in this film. Friar Tuck is allegedgly a badger...

...which I doubt, but I'll allow it I guess. (I would prefer the black & white be actually depicted, and for the man to have claws. Let him have his claws he deserves them.)

Then...we have Little John.

British ecology is famous as being incredibly lacking in the modern day, due to a combination of land management changes, hunting, climate change and our being an island nation. All our major carnivores are extinct, and have been for a long time.

John is a brown bear.

Brown bears have been extinct in Britian for over 1000 years.

Even at the earliest possible time of the film, brown bears will have been dead for 200 years. John's existence should have been something almost goddamn-messiah like in this film. Last of the giants type stuff. I'd love for Lancrew's above point of large british animals to have been defeated 100 years prior by Norman invading lions (deeeeeeeep sigh) to hold up here and have John be a last descendant of nobility. He's a common man in all the legends, but it would be a great addition to how he schmoozed John at the archery tournament.

Looking at Johns forces now instead...

...what the FUCK is going on.

This, I GUESS, is an easy hand wavy way to visualise bad guys vs good guys. Cute forest critters vs afro-french (DEEP SIGH) mega herbivores & carnivores shows an obvious power inbalance between the local animals and Johns forces, and explains why the townsfolk can't rise up on their own. Rabbits aren't exactly going to do much against halberd weilding plate armoured legions of Rhinoceros.

BUT GOD ALMIGHTY WE COULD HAVE TRIED FOR EUROPEAN FAUNA, AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT???

Easy stuff first. Sir Hiss looks about 1, maybe 1.5 meters long, is green, and has no allusion to venom in the film. I've got him down as a grass snake, our largest species. Excellent. No notes.

The wolves are also easy. Wolves didn't go exinct in England until the 1500's, and alledgedly survived in Scotland until the 1700's. While I personally dislike the depiction of wolves as purely villainous in media, here the Sheriff and his men are the perfect foils to Robin. A larger canine species, moving in packs and hunting him in his own woods (that he's SQUATTING IN, because the woods are owned by John and the crown!), and exempliying the selfishness of the crown by having the Sheriff be dressed in bright colours, with fashionable sleeves while the townsfolk are in rags.

Also aside from the Friar, who is fat in every depsiction of the story, the Sherriff is noticably overweight compared to his men and the pallid, sickly looking townsfolk. The fact his clothes fit him when he's a body type almost no-one else has is a great further subtle show of proof that he's living indulgently and comfortably in his life of active cruelty enforcing John's will, and has no intention of stopping.

His other soldiers....

...ok. Since Lady Cluck - a chicken - is half the size of brown bear little John, there's some leeway for size. The vultures I think could feasably have been ravens, magpies or crows: still a little subtly morbid still, fitting for guards. Or maybe storks or herons, or even seagulls! To keep the silly antics and mean streak.

I- look. The rhino's are the main kind of guard featured. They're big, they're strong, they're imposing to look at and occasionally bumbling.

European Bison were RIGHT THERE.

Pigs and wild boar are depicted as background characters in a couple of scenes. do. Do you have ANY idea how large wild boar can be? Especially 500+years ago?! These things FUCKED. And they actively fucked you up when they wanted to. This wouldn't even be a case of british animals being wiped out in the wars - these things were prevalent all over Europe!

WHERE ARE THE DEER. The penultimate prey species for large cats?????? Not a single goddamn doe or stag have I seen in this film?? Sherwood Forest was a DEER HUNTING FOREST?! Not even as soldiers, Robin should have been able to help anthropo-medieval Bambi away from the wolves at least once.

I am not going to even fucking talk about the crocodile. Madam, in whose climate? We can barely keep 3 species of finger-length lizard alive through our wet, cold, windy climate, howmst the FUCK-

My only course of action is to admit that at some point in this universes timeline: There rose a kingdom of immense power in East Africa that has since, over many generations, colonised northwards and subjugated/wiped out European ecosystems. They reached the british isles around the medieval period, and now thanks to Prince John and Sir Hiss hypnotising King Richard, they are continuing expansion eastward via the crusades.

The vultures are there to eat the carcasses of the conquered nations armies. There. Evil as fuck but also exonomical.

Do Not Speak to Me About The Raccoons.

As far as I'm concerned these are oddly coloured red squirrels.

I hope you enjoyed this absolutely insane spiel of nonsense.

[scribble-brain-aced]

I didn’t know people advertise their fics on here, so here’s mine:

Plot: Sir Pentious is having trouble adjusting to the hotel, easily triggered by memories he’d rather not have, of an asylum commitment that ended in his death. Knowing what the stigma of insanity does, he’s trying his best to forget everything from his past, and hoping that nobody ever finds out. Of course, that doesn’t help with the actual trauma. (Although, being from the Victorian Era, he doesn’t even know what trauma IS, and that definitely doesn’t help.)

Tags (copied from ao3): Trauma, Past Abuse, Mental Institutions, Angst and Humor, i think, How Do I Tag, Period Typical Attitudes, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Poor Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), What Have I Done, i traumatized the one Okay guy, Character Study, Historical Inaccuracy, Period Typical Bigotry, no beta we die like alex brightman, Bars and Pubs, Minor Original Character(s), Soft Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Traumatized Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel), Whump, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, emphasis on ‘hurt’, Suicidal Thoughts, but in the past, Not Anymore

it would be fun if you stopped by! i just posted chapter 5 btw. you dont HAVE to read it, though-

but uhhh yeah, i’ve never done this before, am i advertising right-?

[livia-dovehallow]

Tlh feels so disconnected from the other series. It ignores so many things established already, it's like it's in its own universe. For example:

- We know Cecily's father was an alcoholic and yet none of the adults noticed Matthew's problem.

- Cecily is very active and a fighter but in tlh she's like a stay at home mom and just takes care of Alexander.

- How is it that everyone is so accepting of all the lgbt characters. Like I know shadowhunters don't follow the same social rules as mundanes do but at this point in history being gay is illegal. LIKE YOU COULD GO TO JAIL. And you're telling nobody had a problem. I feel it really undermines Alec's story. He being the first gay consul is a big deal, his fight for himself and his identity is huge and here it's like it's not even a problem for someone being gay. I know history not always improves, so you could say that people got more homophobic with time, but how. How did we go from this generation to the Circle. Like let's pretend Alexander is the Lightwood ancestor, it means Robert is his grandkid, and we know Robert's father was awful. Are you telling me Alexander, Cecily and Gabriel's child, raised a person so badly? Like how? There's no connection.

- Also, how is it so easy for Anna and Ari, and possibly Thomas and Alastair, to adopt a child. Again, it was a huge deal for Alec and Magnus to adopt Max and Rafael, but for the tlh people is this easy?

- Also, we know Alex is the first gay openly gay consul, so should we assume Charles didn't get to be consul? Or he did get to be consul and the historians erased his sexuality?

SECOND TO LAST BULLET IS A MODERATE SPOILER TO THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE NOT FINISHED CHAIN OF THORNS BUT IT DIDNT MAKE SENSE TO ME TO COPY THIS ALL OVER WHEN IT'S AT THE BOTTOM SO I HOPE YOU SEE THIS WARNING OKAY SORRY

I have seen this sentiment a lot and I do agree with it. Alone (entirely detached from the rest of TSC and ignoring the fact that these characters are the children of my beloved TID characters), it's an all right series. But knowing that it is a TSC book, you're right. Ignores so many established things.

I just try to think of some of the more historically-inaccurate items as intentionally inaccurate so that TLH feels more welcoming and a better version of history than we know truly happened. However, that disconnects from TMI, as we know, because of how much prejudice Alec faced being gay. If TLH truly connected to all established events, I don't think Alec would have been so scared and felt so threatened.

(And, no, I don't think Charles ever became Consul but that's another story entirely).

Given that we know TLH familes are the ancestors of the TMI families (or most of them, at least), it just doesn't connect well. Obviously, big things could have happened between TLH and TMI that made the Lightwoods go back to being assholes for a generation (don't get me started on that either because Gideon and Gabriel would be so disappointed in them).

I get not wanting to feel tied to the family tree to create the TLH story, but CC should have stuck to what she had already established in a main series. Side books I think have more leeway of being retconned or adjusted, but not a main series, especially not the one that started it all.

So yeah, I can overlook historical inaccuracy to a pretty far extent, but stay consistent in your storytelling among the 4/5 published main series, at least. You wrote yourself into that corner; figure it out. Sigh.

TLH would have made a better series if it had been written as an NA series rather than YA and wasn't confined to a trilogy.

Cecily being reduced to a housewife angers me too much to even address it in this already long post but suffice it to say that I ignore that part of canon because Cecily Herondale-Lightwood is not a fucking housewife ksjflkjs

[vlovann]

Twilight of the Gods:

Mythosyns

(Inaccuracy & Stupid

Shenanigans Countdown)

Rankings:

S/6 - This is actually in the mythology or accurate to our pagan ideas of the gods

A/5 - Passable; As they should, not going above and beyond; Doesn't break immersion

B/4 - Could've done better or more research; could've asked a pagan; will continue with caution

C/3 - True Neutral

D/2 - Don't like it; okay?; Breaks immersion

F/1 - Absolutely not

Misc: no = automatic 0, comment out of number, silly

goofy, +/ - (.5), E/1.75, etc.

Lettuce Benenn - Episode 6: "Now Hear Of…”

1. Made by a non-pagan, perverted man: Ew/6

2. Those plant guys look like singing monsters and I hate it: D (for they look like they’re about to go 🎵bommmm…bom bommmm🎵)

3. Who the fuck are they not to know that that is in fact NOT Andvari, but MR. WEDNESDAY HIMSELF and they are FUCKED?: I (for IDIOTS, RUN)

4. Very condensed. There are entire missing aspects of the tale Fenja and Menja: B (they left out Nunja…nunja BUSINESS! No big seriously, King Frodi specifically wanted peace and prosperity for his people, not to salt the earth intentionally, and there was an entire Viking siege left out and the one that led it killed King Frodi and took his place, repeating the process of greed AND THEN the girls —who weren’t explicitly said to be sisters, which is fine— ground salt and the end of the myth would’ve actually been Mysing drowning, the aforementioned Viking)

5. HE’S RIGHT THERE! Y’all 🤦🏻‍♀️: Wtf/6

6. Up to Loki being the one who proposes cheating the builder, was accurate. However, Thor threatened to break every bone in Loki’s body if they didn’t find a way to cheat the builder. So, technically: B (for they didn’t have much of a choice)

7. Historically accurate homophobia, not because Egill likes men, but because: S (for HAHA! YOU’RE JUST A BOTTOM! 👉🏻)

8. Snek

9. Ergi is grammatically incorrect. Ergi is essentially “queerness itself”. Argr would be the correct term. Argr would be the old Norse term for faggot and faggotry: F ( @scarlet-silverweaver saw this post before watching this episode and they talk about it more in depth: https://www.tumblr.com/tyrannuspitch/762324491016781824/uh-oh-twilight-of-the-gods-got-it-wrong-yet-again )

10. I accept you for who you are, son. Here’s a sword and shield and my oath as backup: A (for as all fathers should)

11. I’m so confused: what?/6

12. They’re high as fuck: S (for they most likely got high back then)

13. Andvari…put your damn clothes back on and go back to the fire: D for (dumbass gonna get hypothermia 🤦🏻‍♀️)

14. Ah so that’s why she didn’t have proper clothes…so why not put on proper clothes if you knew you were going to war?: still F (for no excuses)

15. Can’t say anything about Sigrid’s backstory as that part is fictional and seems to be combined with a few myths from the get go: C

16. LITTERER!: F

17. THAT WAS THE MINECRAFT CHEST SOUND WHEN SHE SAT!!! 🤣🤣🤣/6

18. Bro, that could’ve actually been the perfect moment for some cunnilingus. Perfect surrender of power. Wasted: No (for if he wanted to; he would. Should’ve married that Valkyrie, Sigrid; apparently, non-weird sex is not allowed in this show that should be in a different art style to begin with for this)

19. See? Egill and Áile had the right idea: S (for them)

20: NOT THE EXACT “LESBIAN” PORN I AVOID! THAT WAS NOT THE SOLUTION 🤦🏻‍♀️: NO GODS PLEASE NO! -2637489495766/6 (FOR GET THE MAN OUT OF THERE, HE’S NOT NEEDED)

21. That jiggle was actually snort-worthy: wtf 🤣/6

22. Odin straight up stole Kvasir’s title 🤦🏻‍♀️: F

23. Thank you again, Animators, for not animating Odin’s dick: ⭐️/6

24: Odin was there…the whole time…: ew/6

Mythosin count: 49

Out of

6x24= 144

34%

Verdict:

[unhonestlymirror]

I've already made posts about it, I believe, but anyway.

As you might know, Ukraine has only 10% of blonde people. We are mostly dark-haired and dark-eyed. Many of us have Lithuanian kind of brown colour. Most of us also have naturally dark eyebrows and a bit darker skin. We are the Southern country, after all, but we also are the biggest country of Europe, so it's okay if you draw Ukraine blonde and blue-eyed (although I personally don't really appreciate that).

The reason why I draw Ukraine blonde, unnaturally blonde, I'd say, is because "blonde, blue-eyed" stereotype was attached to us due to severe russification. I want to highlight this since Ukraine, as a real country, has been going through a hard way of becoming herself again, and although it will take time to heal, it's already time to start recognising her.

And you know how much I like to weave symbolism in hair while making hetalia content, haha.

And I don't know why people perceive it as if I'm putting Ukraine's skin on myself. O_o XDD I am Ukrainian, but I am not the whole Ukraine. Actually, my personality is pretty different from the Ukrainian mentality. If I wanted to ship Lithuania with myself, I would simply do that, I don't find it cringe to ship countries personification's with your human OCs. I actually find cringe to tailor the country to suit you and your own desires, as people often do with my countries, because it helps to spread misinformation and historical inaccuracies, it erases the mentality of people, the most important thing in portraying any country. Many people in this fandom either tailor countries on themselves, not knowing shit or not caring about actual people from these lands, or just copy Himaruya's perception, which is even worse because he's a fashist.

Please don’t think that I pull the Ukraine suit on myself when drawing Ukraine, it really, really upsets me.

[spacerangersam]

Which characters from ghosts do you think would have a blog + what do you think it'd be about/look like?

i assume you meant tumblr blog, not like a...not tumble blog, but just in case, i talk about both

Kitty would have one, definitely. I think it'd be a general blog where she'd reblog gif sets of her favourite movies/quotes from her favourite books and songs, pics of artists she likes- and in between that just very random posts about anatomy and bones. She'd also just make posts about how her day was going and would use way too many exclamation marks and smiley faces. It'd be all pinks and purple, her icon would be like a drawing Alison did of her, her header a pic of her favourite ship, and the title her favourite song lyric. She wouldn't really bother with tags that much/care too much about keeping her blog organised.

[if we're talking non-tumblr blog though, I think it'd be a general one she'd just use as a diary of sorts, just talking about her day and everything good that happened, along with any nice pictures she took, cut in with her randomly gushing about something weird she'd seen or researched]

Thomas would, of course, have a poetry blog, both where he'd post his poems/other poems he likes/rants about poets and poems he doesn't like, and I feel deep in my bones that he'd reblog a ton of dark academia aesthetic pics/post his own 'aesthetic' pics that he'd add like five thousand tags to just to make sure everyone saw his very moving and very good picture of a door. that he'd already posted like 13 pics of. Maybe he'd even have a separate blog for it, and like i said, would use way too many tags for everything. I also think he'd constantly be getting into fights with other users about poetry. His icon/header would be some aesthetic pic, all dark and gloomy, and his title would absolutely be a quote from one of his own poems.

Maybe Robin would have one about space, and idk why but I feel in my bones Mike would have one, though I don't know what it would be about (well, okay, I kinda do. in my head he's a trekkie so it'd be a star trek blog). if we are talking tumblr, then the others all strike me as folks who are more into facebook/maybe twitter.

nontumblr, maybe the captain might have one where he talks about ww2 and tanks etc and spends paragraphs upon paragraphs correcting and bemoaning about historical inaccuracies he sees in movies/tv shows, and occasionally posts about birds. I could see Pat having a sort of general blog where he posts about his day and the like. I don't see the others having much interest in that sort of thing though.

[hobie-doh]

Ramble about Haru and Ryuji I wanna hear your thoughts about them, go off! Tell me about best boi

Ohohohoh okay you don't know what you've unleashed Anon!

Well first, they are one of the more unlikely pairs of friends within the Phantom Thieves, it's good for Haru to have someone who helps her let loose and Ryuji benefits from her knowledge of not only school related things, but also gardening as she's more than willing to help our favorite ex-athlete get some veggies in his diet.

Haru's enjoyment of ballet was primarily caused by enjoying villainous roles! Extra so on Myrtha and Odile (and no I'm not just saying that because Swan Lake holds a special place in my heart)

On a different note, her wish to run a cafe isn't from her relationship with Akiren but rather her grandfather's cafe that he run, as she wishes to bring happiness like he used to, as she remembers the joy it caused from the regulars and how much it meant to her father.

She's also super good friends with Yusuke and Ann, who help her catch up on all the teenage and child stuff she missed. She enjoys spending time with them considering Yusuke pushes her way out of her comfort zone but in a good way, and Ann sort of understands the sheltered rich kid life.

Ryuji actually excels in certain areas of school when he bothers trying, which he sadly doesn't most of the time. He's really good with basic biology and all things related to how humans work, just really bad about talking about it in scientific terms.

Despite his ramen habits and enjoyment of instant meals, he's also pretty well versed in nutrition, its another one of those things he never bothers to think about until the Phantom Thievery really picks up.

He's an absolute encyclopedia of all things pirate, he can tell you every historical inaccuracy in Pirates of the Caribbean and then turn around and talk about how good the movies are anyway. He also knows a whole lot about the ships themselves. (As an aside, he totally shocked Makoto by knowing about Theseus' paradox)

I hope those satiate your hunger for my thoughts Anon! I really enjoy talking about these two and am trying not to make this post a mile long!

[weirdstrangeandawful]

I don't care that Quinn is from the 18th century. They'd ask Rowan if they can use this as a side arm with the argument that it may be overkill for a blue whale but it ain't overkill for a first-rate ship of the line (it very much is, I did the math. I attached it below). Rowan would grant permission jokingly only for Carroll to ask him to mount it alongside their 12-pounder carronades.

According to my very very rough calculations, it's actually not that overkill for a blue whale. It might only just get all the way through. It will however get through about 10 first-rate ships of the line. A 12-pounder (of which Carroll's HBMS Resolute has 8) might make a sizeable dent in a blue whale but it won't even penetrate the hull of a first-rate (in reality, it will because wood is very brittle but spherical cow okay?). It does go to show you why the damage caused by cannonballs is less from the projectile itself and more the chain of events surrounding it including the splintering of the wood. It also goes to show the huge effect rifling has on projectile behaviour just considering muzzle energy alone.

But yeah, uh... here are your back-of-the-envelope spherical cow calculations in their original form and a LaTeX transcription for those too cowardly to read my handwriting.

You have no idea how hard it was to try and find the spring constant of wood. I eventually gave up and used the modulus of elasticity when compressed parallel to the grain and divided by the penetration distance which probably accounts for a fair bit of the inaccuracy. It was surprisingly easy to find the spring constant of chicken meat so I used that for the whale.

And this is accounting only for the kinetic energy of the muzzle velocity. None of the other physics mentioned in the post above, mainly because I don't know how guns work at all.

Tagging @whumpninja entirely because I think of overcomplicated and historical crack whump and you pop into my brain.