#the hetcanisms

[just-an-enby-lemon]

I just discovered the existence of @straightma (way too late for that uhu) and I'm thorn between finally releasing my cringe notes for the CW Detective Riddler AU and making straightwtnv, crying in pain that someone created something as cursed as straightma, having a panic atack because the Netflix went what if straightma but with Archive 81 and going "yeah my favorite author Jack Roblox" (don't make me start on the hetcanisms because that's actually physically painfull).

[thehetcanisms]

Tim has short hair 😔.

No!!! His abundance of gender is stored in the hair!

[thehetcanisms]

you're welcome!

straighttma,,,,straightwtnv,,,,,,thehetcanisms,,,,,,,im left with 1hp from psychic damage

[straighttma]

going back to hetcanisms, i think they’d be a band in the genre of “dad listening to song about socialism and oppression that doesn’t know it’s about that” only the songs do not have socialism and oppression

The hetchanisms are jimmy buffet. Make songs about nothing

[thehetcanisms]

cishet jonny wouldnt paint his fingernails or wear cool eyeliner or have ever had long hair or have his ears pierced, and that is such a tragedy..

[thehetcanisms]

Daedelus just shot Icarus. Like, with a gun.

[thehetcanisms]

Instead of a morality switch, Brian has a straight-gay switch. This is portrayed as bisexual representation.

I like that we all looked at Brian and went. Even in the hetcanisms. This man is not straight.

[thehetcanisms]

the Acheron and King Cole are both somehow metaphors for communism; that’s how you know they’re Bad and Evil.

Not the Bad and Evil communism!! O no!!!!!!

[thehetcanisms]

Mordred isn't trans, instead it's a Mulan situation, bc girls can't be knights or some shit. Guinevere is "one of the boys" archetype (and also undesirable by men because of that), so she's allowed to be a knight. And because she's better at being a Man than Mordred, she teaches him to be tough and less passive and basically like Gawain.

It's written as empowering.

It is not empowering

[thehetcanisms]

they wear a reasonable amount of belts (a shame really)

Only one belt per man😔

[thehetcanisms]

Their Norse mythology album wpuld be called the Straightfrost Incident

No bisexuals, fucking tragic

[thehetcanisms]

Orpheus in udad is much more brooding, and is NEVER described as pretty

[thehetcanisms]

Gunpowder Tim v The Moon Kaiser starts cheerful with the recruiter’s song and... pretty much stays that way. The horrors of war? Nah, it’s a fun, patriotic story about smashing space communism with shiny laser guns.

(And there’s no cannibalism.)

[Shrek meme] they don't even have cannibalism

[thehetcanisms]

The Hetcanisms would address their audience as “ladies and gentlemen” instead of “killers and renegades, liars and thieves”

And it would suck so bad

[thehetcanisms]

A Concept: Mordred is still trans in HNOC. The Saxons are all trans. The Saxons transed Mordred’s gender. It’s a metaphor for gay people adopting and why they shouldn’t.

[thehetcanisms]

the saxons are actually uncivilized brutes and the hatred towards them is portrayed as good and proper instead of misguided mutual prejudice. also there may or may not be some racist undertones(for example, the “violent ghouls” are all poc and the “good guys” are all white)

Racism? In my horrible cishet au? Its more likely than you think