#the heart of war

[camthecatchameleon]

man i love the pathetic crime polycule they live rent free in my brain

i think more people should read this book series. actually. go read it. its on amazon/kindle/nook. theres five books but the first three are all in the same book.

[thefandommind]

Eli Notes from a friend who doesn't know anything

A while ago, one of my friends gave me the all go to info dump and explain everything about the Eli Monpress series. Use a white board, they said, give me everything they said. I did not have a white board, so i instead made a Google slides presentation. It took me over 8 straight hours of hyper focus, and by that time I had lost point of the presentation, and it wasn't as well constructed as I would have liked.

What was then added onto these ill planned spark notes, was my best friend of 15 years offering the idea that instead of myself, who knows everything about this series presenting this creation, they, who knows nothing about it, would present the slides as if it was their own project.

To add to this once more, my other best friend, who also knew nothing about the series, while one call, announced they would take notes to further help my original friend who requested the presentation, but couldn't make it to the call.

Thus, here are the notes, typed as fast as possible over an hour long presentation, telephoned from one non fan to another. Effectively, a blind man improvising facts of a subject he doesn't know, to a very focused, well intentioned, deaf man. Who we then passed the notes onto someone who was actually looking for information.

content warning, crack, and lewd humor.

The Eli Monpress Manuscript Notes

From Professor Barens

Nothing Sensuallllllllllll…………

Everything has a soul called spirits that have existed longer than us and have their own cultures and societies.

Humans were made by sexy white shepherdess

Organizations

The council of thrones: the eu, all kingdoms united, capital, alber whitefall is the merchant prince. Council of thrones runs the council bounty list

Spirit Court: cps of council of thrones, they think spirits are treated equally

Spaper Mountain: they are spacial wizards, they follow the shaper mountains teaching and refer to it as teacher, they are secretive and very cultlike

YOU CANNOT LEAVE YOU CANNOT LEAVE YOU CANNOT LEAVE

Maincharacters

Worlds greatest thief: eli Monpress, is greatest theif, wants highest bounty

Worlds greatest swordsman; Josef, prince but not twink enough, has too op minecraft sword

The one to catch him: miranda lyonettem tryna catch eli, is repressed bisexual, just wants some good pussys, is apart of the catholic church, obsessed with respectibility politics, gross, fake leftist, thinks hes ruining spirit court cuz hes theif bisexual and naughty ;)

Biblical picture of akutagawa and atsushi

The triangle is a metaphor for eli bc they/them pussy and frogs, stream they/them pussy by butt piss

Miranda Lyonette -Spiritualist, obsessed with spirit rights -doesnt like theifs -doesnt like bisexuals cuz internalized biphobia -believes all spirits should be treated well -hates insufferable men, cuz shes secretly attracted to them -short temper, runs straight into trouble

Canon vs interpratation Miranda

Canon -long curly hair in tight braid -left finger has spirit court -giant ghost hound named gin -her family tries to marry her off -not anarchist, fake leftist, her first time with anarchy

Fanon -has undercut cuz heavy hair, no curly girly hair products -bisexual, -married to work and has gold nose piercing -gin good boy -her wind spirit tries to prank -family cut contact, little sis lesbian

Has a sea spirit which she keeps iinside her, dont think too much about it Has a wind, tone, moss, mist, bonfire, spirit Bullied a storm to giving her extra powers Sea spirit inside her, his name is mellinor, which is the towns name, so shes tied to the city, takes over river cuz hes a coward, is asserting dominance not in a sexual way

Sex appeal: 10/10, redhead, angry, loving, loyal, likes to fuck but she assosiates with catholics so shes in denial Piercing: gold nostril hoop Sexuality: bisexual, likes fem men but not twinks, hates men Ass; huge booty, v curvacious, tall and good figure Relationship: single, doesnt have feelings, but gets gay panic

Final thoughts she is hot

No circumfrance for butt but she curvaciious

Sara

Elderly milf, hates children, invented ollor relay, commits spirit abuse, smokes, bitch, hates men, eats cold fish to make boobs bigger

Canon: -forced man to give lungs -she says they/them pronouns dont make sense -not homophobic -elis mother, have been in the same room 6 times -has long cigarette holder, has multiple addictions -makes a cannon to use fire spirits -idea of famiy reunion was arresting husband for high treason, (treason when high) shoving son into an oubliette, forgetful -has a spy in elis town home, eli is not tru anarchsit _says mirandas pretty but not pretty as expected

Sex appeal: 6/10 pretty, powerful and cunning, cant keep relationship Ass: none Sexuality: straight but milf Relationship status: unhappily married

She is cunt

Etmon Banage (elton john)

Rectior spiritualist, head of spirit court, father of eli, adopted father or miranda Probably fake italian, has salt and pepper hair, married sara, raised son in tower, made him kinky, fought in war with immortal emperess, big guy in charge of spiritualist, committed treason, said son was worthless, squints when angry, doesnt yell

Sex appeal: 7/10 Piercings, no Sexuality: straght ace 4: man asss Relationship unhapily married

Giuseppe monpress

Og greatest theif, buguar, prefers to rop blind people, adopted eli, real italian, is gentleman thief, likes opera, concerned about son (disagree)

Canon: Not a wizard, spirit deaf, doesnt know what eli does 90% of the time, Likes money, refers to miranda and nico as dear, taught eli is catchphrase “first rule of being a thief is being homosexual” Knew his sons type is large blonde men, have eli a look when he met josef

Sex appeal: dilf 8/10 Piercings, ear piercings Sexuality: old gay Ass: man ass Relationship: old gay

Shepherdess, benehime

One of the three powers, daughter of the creator, she has favs which she calls stars, is naked

5000 years old, created humans, made then blind, curvy white woman always naked with long white hair, shes legit white not pale has a sphere that is the world to watch her favorite, current fav eli, she has a man who is a sword, he is her sword, his name is lord of storms, black hair grey eys, keeps him aroound cuz she cant have eli, touch burns you

Sex appeal; 9/10 hot but crazy piercings : no Seuxlaity pan Ass; big ass Relationship: obsessed with eli, cant love

JOSEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Liechen

Mother hen of the group, big buff man, knives strapped all over, stay strapped or get clapped, has powerful sword, runaway crown prince , josef liechen thereson esinlowe fullname, not twink prince but gets married off, not run away, au he and eli dated but broke up, cut a boat in half, found naked lady in mountain and are besties, cant die, convinced eli to keep demon, is spirit deaf, talks to his sword, oblivious when people are attracted to him, can cook , can clean, calls eli many names, says bastard, but doesnt say bitch , respects women but hates everypne

Sex appeal: 10/10 he is best man big tit is top Piercings: any Sexuality: bisexual, has type, mentally ill brunettes Ass: big ass, works out Relationship: dating comrades but doesnt like wife cuz shes a commie spy

He is my type 100% would let him step on me

Nico

Daughter of the dead mountain, demon seed, lost head, got picked up by sexy men, sweet girl, self doubt and anxiety, thinks friends will leave her, pushes herself tryna prove herself, has consumed men, has trouble eating food, deserves sweet, cant be killed, used to be from shaper mountain, was taught by unkillable man how to be unkillabke, then watched unkillable man be killed by another unkillable man, then she killed the unkillable man

Sex appeal: 10/10 can murder anyone Piercing: ears Sexuality: bi but likes her boys Ass; no ass Relationship: dating her mens

THE MAIN MAN ELI MONPRESSs

Thief, got second biggest bounty, he fingers doors, makes squeaks, cheats friends outa money for fun, DONT LAUGH AT GRETA COMRADAS

Ran away as child, got kidnapped by shephardess, likes being caught so he can escape, almost died, is best friends with josefs demon, wakes up spirits by rubbing them, extremely petty, he is manchild and insufferable, is easy going but will commit chaos, he relies on his ability to speak, has horrible trauma and not good relatiobshop with parents, ran out of window to avoid mother, hates smoking loves drinking,

Sex appeal: 10/10 (debatable) insufferable, man propaganda, good with hands Piercing: ears and knows Seuxlaity: likes blond men (me too) Ass; has ass 5: relationship, has crush on josef, is jealous when jossef and nico date

HE IS BRAT BOY UWU

[destiny-islanders]

gawrsh

[coffebits]

Redraw of this silly little thing I posted forever ago->

[irhinoceri]

All criticisms of The Acolyte are invalid because evil Manny Jacinto is hot.

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

[cactle]

POV: You’re watching the marineford live stream

[maroonmused]

just passed the fuck out

[eggdrawsthings]

"I've accepted my darkness What have you done with yours?"

[hayden-christensen]

OBI-WAN KENOBI: PART VI dir. Deborah Chow | released June 22, 2022

[camthecatchameleon]

why do they always fight on snowy mountains

I have no idea where the original tweet is from because the first time i saw it was a spiderverse meme edit

[echo-coyote]

Fun Fact: Togrutas are capable of echolocation

[stealingpotatoes]

ITS OVER ANAKIN I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!

(wrong answers only)

[destiny-islanders]

doodled a sora during a star wars marathon with frens

[sunflowersinheaven]

quick codywan sketch before bed 🦶🏻

[25shadesoffebruary]

Joker of all trades