#the heart of war

[camthecatchameleon]

man i love the pathetic crime polycule they live rent free in my brain

i think more people should read this book series. actually. go read it. its on amazon/kindle/nook. theres five books but the first three are all in the same book.

[thefandommind]

Eli Notes from a friend who doesn't know anything

A while ago, one of my friends gave me the all go to info dump and explain everything about the Eli Monpress series. Use a white board, they said, give me everything they said. I did not have a white board, so i instead made a Google slides presentation. It took me over 8 straight hours of hyper focus, and by that time I had lost point of the presentation, and it wasn't as well constructed as I would have liked.

What was then added onto these ill planned spark notes, was my best friend of 15 years offering the idea that instead of myself, who knows everything about this series presenting this creation, they, who knows nothing about it, would present the slides as if it was their own project.

To add to this once more, my other best friend, who also knew nothing about the series, while one call, announced they would take notes to further help my original friend who requested the presentation, but couldn't make it to the call.

Thus, here are the notes, typed as fast as possible over an hour long presentation, telephoned from one non fan to another. Effectively, a blind man improvising facts of a subject he doesn't know, to a very focused, well intentioned, deaf man. Who we then passed the notes onto someone who was actually looking for information.

content warning, crack, and lewd humor.

The Eli Monpress Manuscript Notes

From Professor Barens

Nothing Sensuallllllllllll…………

Everything has a soul called spirits that have existed longer than us and have their own cultures and societies.

Humans were made by sexy white shepherdess

Organizations

The council of thrones: the eu, all kingdoms united, capital, alber whitefall is the merchant prince. Council of thrones runs the council bounty list

Spirit Court: cps of council of thrones, they think spirits are treated equally

Spaper Mountain: they are spacial wizards, they follow the shaper mountains teaching and refer to it as teacher, they are secretive and very cultlike

YOU CANNOT LEAVE YOU CANNOT LEAVE YOU CANNOT LEAVE

Maincharacters

Worlds greatest thief: eli Monpress, is greatest theif, wants highest bounty

Worlds greatest swordsman; Josef, prince but not twink enough, has too op minecraft sword

The one to catch him: miranda lyonettem tryna catch eli, is repressed bisexual, just wants some good pussys, is apart of the catholic church, obsessed with respectibility politics, gross, fake leftist, thinks hes ruining spirit court cuz hes theif bisexual and naughty ;)

Biblical picture of akutagawa and atsushi

The triangle is a metaphor for eli bc they/them pussy and frogs, stream they/them pussy by butt piss

Miranda Lyonette -Spiritualist, obsessed with spirit rights -doesnt like theifs -doesnt like bisexuals cuz internalized biphobia -believes all spirits should be treated well -hates insufferable men, cuz shes secretly attracted to them -short temper, runs straight into trouble

Canon vs interpratation Miranda

Canon -long curly hair in tight braid -left finger has spirit court -giant ghost hound named gin -her family tries to marry her off -not anarchist, fake leftist, her first time with anarchy

Fanon -has undercut cuz heavy hair, no curly girly hair products -bisexual, -married to work and has gold nose piercing -gin good boy -her wind spirit tries to prank -family cut contact, little sis lesbian

Has a sea spirit which she keeps iinside her, dont think too much about it Has a wind, tone, moss, mist, bonfire, spirit Bullied a storm to giving her extra powers Sea spirit inside her, his name is mellinor, which is the towns name, so shes tied to the city, takes over river cuz hes a coward, is asserting dominance not in a sexual way

Sex appeal: 10/10, redhead, angry, loving, loyal, likes to fuck but she assosiates with catholics so shes in denial Piercing: gold nostril hoop Sexuality: bisexual, likes fem men but not twinks, hates men Ass; huge booty, v curvacious, tall and good figure Relationship: single, doesnt have feelings, but gets gay panic

Final thoughts she is hot

No circumfrance for butt but she curvaciious

Sara

Elderly milf, hates children, invented ollor relay, commits spirit abuse, smokes, bitch, hates men, eats cold fish to make boobs bigger

Canon: -forced man to give lungs -she says they/them pronouns dont make sense -not homophobic -elis mother, have been in the same room 6 times -has long cigarette holder, has multiple addictions -makes a cannon to use fire spirits -idea of famiy reunion was arresting husband for high treason, (treason when high) shoving son into an oubliette, forgetful -has a spy in elis town home, eli is not tru anarchsit _says mirandas pretty but not pretty as expected

Sex appeal: 6/10 pretty, powerful and cunning, cant keep relationship Ass: none Sexuality: straight but milf Relationship status: unhappily married

She is cunt

Etmon Banage (elton john)

Rectior spiritualist, head of spirit court, father of eli, adopted father or miranda Probably fake italian, has salt and pepper hair, married sara, raised son in tower, made him kinky, fought in war with immortal emperess, big guy in charge of spiritualist, committed treason, said son was worthless, squints when angry, doesnt yell

Sex appeal: 7/10 Piercings, no Sexuality: straght ace 4: man asss Relationship unhapily married

Giuseppe monpress

Og greatest theif, buguar, prefers to rop blind people, adopted eli, real italian, is gentleman thief, likes opera, concerned about son (disagree)

Canon: Not a wizard, spirit deaf, doesnt know what eli does 90% of the time, Likes money, refers to miranda and nico as dear, taught eli is catchphrase “first rule of being a thief is being homosexual” Knew his sons type is large blonde men, have eli a look when he met josef

Sex appeal: dilf 8/10 Piercings, ear piercings Sexuality: old gay Ass: man ass Relationship: old gay

Shepherdess, benehime

One of the three powers, daughter of the creator, she has favs which she calls stars, is naked

5000 years old, created humans, made then blind, curvy white woman always naked with long white hair, shes legit white not pale has a sphere that is the world to watch her favorite, current fav eli, she has a man who is a sword, he is her sword, his name is lord of storms, black hair grey eys, keeps him aroound cuz she cant have eli, touch burns you

Sex appeal; 9/10 hot but crazy piercings : no Seuxlaity pan Ass; big ass Relationship: obsessed with eli, cant love

JOSEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Liechen

Mother hen of the group, big buff man, knives strapped all over, stay strapped or get clapped, has powerful sword, runaway crown prince , josef liechen thereson esinlowe fullname, not twink prince but gets married off, not run away, au he and eli dated but broke up, cut a boat in half, found naked lady in mountain and are besties, cant die, convinced eli to keep demon, is spirit deaf, talks to his sword, oblivious when people are attracted to him, can cook , can clean, calls eli many names, says bastard, but doesnt say bitch , respects women but hates everypne

Sex appeal: 10/10 he is best man big tit is top Piercings: any Sexuality: bisexual, has type, mentally ill brunettes Ass: big ass, works out Relationship: dating comrades but doesnt like wife cuz shes a commie spy

He is my type 100% would let him step on me

Nico

Daughter of the dead mountain, demon seed, lost head, got picked up by sexy men, sweet girl, self doubt and anxiety, thinks friends will leave her, pushes herself tryna prove herself, has consumed men, has trouble eating food, deserves sweet, cant be killed, used to be from shaper mountain, was taught by unkillable man how to be unkillabke, then watched unkillable man be killed by another unkillable man, then she killed the unkillable man

Sex appeal: 10/10 can murder anyone Piercing: ears Sexuality: bi but likes her boys Ass; no ass Relationship: dating her mens

THE MAIN MAN ELI MONPRESSs

Thief, got second biggest bounty, he fingers doors, makes squeaks, cheats friends outa money for fun, DONT LAUGH AT GRETA COMRADAS

Ran away as child, got kidnapped by shephardess, likes being caught so he can escape, almost died, is best friends with josefs demon, wakes up spirits by rubbing them, extremely petty, he is manchild and insufferable, is easy going but will commit chaos, he relies on his ability to speak, has horrible trauma and not good relatiobshop with parents, ran out of window to avoid mother, hates smoking loves drinking,

Sex appeal: 10/10 (debatable) insufferable, man propaganda, good with hands Piercing: ears and knows Seuxlaity: likes blond men (me too) Ass; has ass 5: relationship, has crush on josef, is jealous when jossef and nico date

HE IS BRAT BOY UWU

[destiny-islanders]

gawrsh

[seratlantisite]

Nice try Bioware, but I know the state of Southern Thedas better than you do.

First off, it matters if the Hero of Ferelden is alive or not. When the First Warden recalled all wardens, our hero knew that was a bad call and refused, finally splitting off from Weisshaupt after years of mismanagement and taking scores of wardens with them. Their presence and leadership makes all the difference, rallying southern Thedas once more against the blight. If you have only an Orlesian Warden Commander in Amaranthine they’re less inspiring, but as long as you’ve done Awakening they are a boon nonetheless. There is someone to lead the fight against the darkspawn while other focus on the Venatori.

If you 100% completed Awakenings and also Soldier’s Peak, the Ferelden wardens have never been so prepared. They’re organized, they’re outfitted and they’ve been ready for this for years. Also, if you allied with the Architect then you have scores of strange research to give you an edge.

If Merrill completed her Eluvian then she moves south once again and joins the effort. She’s managed to cleanse the blight before and she’s ready to try it again. And her knowledge of the crossroads gives the south an edge on their movement and supply lines. If Hawke’s sibling is a Warden they accompanied her.

If the Inquisitor let Briala have power in any way, the Dales become the leaders in the war against the Venatori, forming a formidable alliance with Ferelden, Orzammar and the Marches, the likes of which have never been seen. And if you completed Jaws of Hakkon then their alliances with the Avvar and Chasind are stronger than ever.

Of course, if the Inquisitor kept the Wardens around after Here Lies the Abyss then their numbers are bolstered. It may cost Wiesshaupt later, but that’s Rooks problem. And if you completed the Descent, then the Inquisitor and Warden had a much better idea of what was coming and spent ten years getting ready.

They will not be broken.

They will weather this storm.

[coffebits]

Redraw of this silly little thing I posted forever ago->

[cactle]

POV: You’re watching the marineford live stream

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

[maroonmused]

just passed the fuck out

[yunyun160]

Brothers 💕

[eggdrawsthings]

"I've accepted my darkness What have you done with yours?"

[camthecatchameleon]

why do they always fight on snowy mountains

I have no idea where the original tweet is from because the first time i saw it was a spiderverse meme edit

[hayden-christensen]

OBI-WAN KENOBI: PART VI dir. Deborah Chow | released June 22, 2022

[destiny-islanders]

doodled a sora during a star wars marathon with frens

[echo-coyote]

Fun Fact: Togrutas are capable of echolocation

[stealingpotatoes]

ITS OVER ANAKIN I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!

(wrong answers only)

[anpanman95]

now that I got he appreciation post out of the way I’ll yap about what I loved the most about this whole scene because was a fucking masterpiece.

1. He looks fucked out and I’m going insane. His heavy breathing was blasting through my headphones and, although that is something that usually annoys me during these scenes, it was done carefully and tastefully. It felt natural and real, not overplayed, not overkilled, but raw and perfectly genuine.

2. Anyone else devastated by the absolute adorableness of this moment? Just me? This was such a cute short thing that casts light into their relationship. They’re both actually very carefree people, always have been, even if Jack had a hard time coming back to his true self. This moment felt so intimate and relaxed. From trying to make the other submit, playfully and sensually, they both pause here and quickly take a breather to gauge each other and decide how is this going to happen before Jack takes the lead again. These are truly Jack and Joke.

3. Wall slamming. It’s one of the cliches I absolutely devour. Ever since episode 1 I knew they would be the kind to do this. I knew their NC would be like this. They want each other too much, they’re gonna take and take and take.

4. No awkward stripping. Just desperate. The moment characters strip have always felt so unnatural for me. This was done hastily and they stumble and it doesn’t look pretty because it shouldn’t. They have wanted each other for too long for them to wait another second in getting themselves naked. Joke is so desperate he struggles with taking Jack’s shirt off and he doesn’t care nor slows down. It adds on the realness of it all.

5. More wall slamming. Dear god I’m unwell. No further words.

6. He was stupid hot for this. They are possessed. As they should be. There’s tenderness and roughness at the same time in their movements and touches, casting light on the fact they love each other but are desperately hungry for each other’s body. They never let you forget that, not once.

7. Did you hear my screams? I was not expecting that. What I’ve seen happen many times on BL NC scenes, is that there is a high contrast done in between the couple when it comes to portraying desire. Usually it’s only one of them that is more vocal or physical about it, while the other takes it and follows. Yin and War have mentioned they don’t want their characters to stick to one dynamic, and it shows a lot in this whole scene. They both are perfectly capable of taking the lead, they both want to take the lead, they both want to submit. They are equals. And that’s always gonna be that way.

The power play, the switching, the rolling in the sheets, the CONSENT, the loving looks, the gentle touches, the rough touches, the pauses, the desperation, the desire.

they did it all. not one single thing missing.

they deserve nothing less than a standing ovation.

yinwar, you did it again