#the gym life is hating going to the gym
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“I hate the gym” I say, as I show up to the gym for the 4th time this week
#I go 4 times a week#and I never hate it any less#it just gets me out of the house#and will undoubtedly make load in and load out easier#it also helpa the gender#and a the mental health#I just don’t personally enjoy it#gym#gym life#the gym life is hating going to the gym#but it’s free#and I want to be stronk#THIS IS BOUT GAINS
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My girly pop in all his beauty Sorry but I will share her everywhere whenever I can
+ some more sketches of her
Give him a anime beach filler episode
#digital art#sketch#original character#oc art#Since I can talk about him more on the tags for those who care to read#She's genderfluid with a like#70% preference for fem pronouns#Loves when people alternate between masc and fem though!#Biggest issues in life are#having 3 boyfriends#being hot#learning magic#going to the gym and getting hotter#loving cooking but somehow burning everything#yeah that's all#ah also I hate drawing feet
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I need to start exercising again, I would like to try jogging again but I literally feel like a disgusting slug whenever im outside and moving around other people
Also I have some kind of gait problem so I just hurt my feet every time I go jogging
#but that's the only exercise that keeps me engaged PLEASE TOT#but i hate doing it in public but I can't afford to go to a gym#but i really should try to get in shape#that and I've been advised a healthy diet because of some stuff that happened#how can i explain that the only way for me to have an actually healthy diet is to only focus on that and forget about every other part of#life pls pls pls plss#healthy diet? best i can do is bowl of fruit on the desk#consistency doesn't exist not in this brain#AUAUAUUGH#ok ok im gone#chlip chlip#weight mention#sorry for bitching about my body image again i just find it so hard to talk about put loud and i need#to or ill explode you knowww
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northam birds: tweet ☺️ chirp 🙂↕️ good morning hello 🥰
australian birds: WARBLE‼️SQUAWK‼️ WAKE UP 📣 ITS 4AM 📣 GO FUCK YOURSELFFFFFF 💥💥💥
#realising 'birdsong' actually IS nice and sweet and american movies werent lying was really funny#aussie wildlife so often gives the impression that they know you dont belong here and they still hate you for it. which is fair#but god i got absolutely no sleep last night n finally fell asleep for like an hour before this bird bullshit#my window was totally closed but it was SO LOUD anyway#had to go rifling through my life to dig up my earplugs 😭#so much for going to the gym in the morning. sad. oh well!
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#no but i actually hate that i made this blog to vent freely bc i have no other place to talk abt anything or my feelings or thoughts#and im a very isolated person and a shut in and i dont have a job or go to school successfully and i dont know anyone#like blah blah. i have struggled and im drowning in them all. like why the fuck cant ppl just comprehend that we all have different views o#life and the world? like 'wallowing' is .. i have heavy anxiety which is completely untreated and it gives me real bad suicidal ideation#if me complaining on a blog that im btw not forcing anyone to read helps me to stay alive and get my pain out... why does that matter to#other ppl?????? like why does other ppl get so mad seeing someone they dont know vent??#also this goes for everyone but u can literally have no idea abt all of a person's life#esp on here where all u see is like my text posts where i vent abt how i FEEL. bc i want to. ??? i want to do that so i do#u dont know the context u dont know my experiences or what has happened in my life or context#u dont know what has transpired between me and other ppl i vent abt#like u know fuck all. u dont have the right to pass judgement onto a stranger that doesnt even know u exist#and even if i complain on here bc i dont have a real life but i want to#u have no idea what im doing with the rest of my time???? im making lists im trying to look up info abt school and programs#im trying to read abt my mental health issues and im doing mindfulness and im going to the gym#i am trying!!! and u dont have any idea what i do or how i try and u dont have any right to judge me bc all u see is one part that is me#complaining bc this is what i use this blog for. genuinely i do not get why this is even a big deal or why anyone would follow or read smth#makes them irritated???????#idk.. i dont wanna disable anons and stuff (bc funnily enough no one ever says this stuff with their url 🤨) bc i dont wanna miss out on the#stuff but it is infuriating that i have nowhere to go no friends no therapist etc etc to talk#and this is all i have bc i want to vent !!!!!!! and then i have to be like ok now other ppl i dont even know#and who dont actually give a fuck abt me are gonna judge me and tell me im living incorrectly#and ive never gotten more such things than now? why do y'all hate that i vent abt losing out on my 1st love#and feeling heartbroken?????? what the fuck? that has nothing to do with anyone else but me? like genuinely wtf#i just wanna vent bc i feel like im drowning but now i feel like i cant bc ppl just judge and like ugh
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I wish I was not an unintelligent manchild.
#Vent#I wish I had interests that were properly 'adult'#I wish I didn't like being surrounded by toys and trinkets and games and comics.#I wish my room looked like how you'd expect an adult's room to look#I wish my art was refined. I wish I worked in mediums that were considered respectable to the average person.#I wish I could read. I mean like I really wish I could focus and read a book above a high school reading level. And properly disect it.#I wish I dressed properly. Plainly.#I wish I could feel comfortable surrounded by muted colors.#I wish I didn't enjoy obnoxious music.#I wish I didn't cling to things that reminded me of my childhood.#I wish I could be just like a normal adult office worker who was able to socialize properly and went to the gym#And then would go home and cook myself dinner and read and then go to sleep.#And I would still be miserable. I'd still be undesirable. But at least I'd be normal. I'd probably hate myself less. I'd be more respectabl#Why didn't I ever grow up. Why. What's wrong with me.#Why did I get a weird job. Why do I want weird things. Why am I weird.#Maybe if I was normal I could make fun of adults who have weird interests and get rid of the awful fucking pit in my stomach#Maybe I'd be marginally less miserable because at least my life is put together and at least I'm normal.#And I wouldn't have to waste time and money and energy doing weird things like going to conventions#(I was going to add to that but I rarely leave the house as is)#Instead I would just talk at the water cooler and otherwise think insightfully and deeply. Be a proper philosopher or something.#And with a better more normal job I'd have the money to be a philanthropist too#And I wouldn't bother anyone#And I DEFINITELY wouldn't be FLAPPING MY FUCKING HANDS WHEN I GET EXCITED#OR SINGING UNDER MY BREATH RANDOMLY WITHOUT REALIZING IT#OR BITING MY NAILS OR TAPPING MY FINGERS OR LISTENING TO MUSIC SO LOUD I CAN FEEL IT IN MY CHEST#I WOULDNT BE BOUNCING MY FUCKING LEG#I WOULD BE *FUCKING NORMAL*.
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yessss the gorn and whatnot I am In-ves-ted...
#hench gym-gay STRAIGHT spock and his space pals are gonna stick it to em <- looking around very obviously for a certain someone#Sometimes if a show has one beautiful vulcan woman I'm in love with in it I will watch it VERY legally - I only have the one life#I literally got into star trek AFTER falling in love with Tuvok - this is par for my terrible course#I can't wait to see what sort of y/n wattpad nonsense conversation/shenanigan Christine and Spock are gonna get up to#My guess is it's going to be something that you can play over 'you belong with me' by Taylor Swift#I absolutely hate their romance it does nothing but make them both look worse the longer it goes on#but I only truly care about T'Pring and Uhura in this show#I WANNA SEEEE THEEEMMMM
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finished writing two paragraphs for my termpaper literature review
#while my high school friend who used to fail classes is now on a vacation in Pattaya#cant believe this is my life i graduated top of class in every single grade of my education life this is ridiculous im gonna kms#ok no hate to her but do yall guys also think our life and happiness are dictated by where we are born?#i feel like u cant really overcome some thresholds in life no matter how hard you work if ur birth does not put u in that situation#anyway pls let me know what yall think while i go hit the gym#gotta get this ass FATTER for future bae#extreme gut wrenching sadness is temporary but a fat ass is forever
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Husbands
Husbands that look like they're being interrogated because it's almost 4 am and I spent my entire day painting walls
#Venting!!!!!!!!#im just venting idk im tired i have gym everyday and gym gives me massive anxiety so yayy#im kinda just making up for lost time specifically cuz it was around people im not comfortable witb#my family i mean#i was so sore when i got done i had to move a shit ton of furniture and i hit my head on a dresser#im just watching timtoks to make myself cry because i haven't properly cried in like 6 months and with my fucking life thats unhealthy :D#my cat died on Christmas eve aswell!!!#anyway yeah husbands#they're literally orbs from a childrens video game i am 15 i am a sophomore this is stupid stupid fuckin penguin i hate him#no i dont i love him#DOMT WVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE ENO BITCH HE HAS SUCH A CHOKEHOLD ON ME#THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IN LIKE 2 YEARS IVE BEEN OBSESSED WITH HIM I LITERALLY THINK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY EVERYDAY#i have issues#i just realized i misspelled emo im so tired im not rewriting that im talking bout mk he matches my other intersts more thats why i love him#one of my favorite childhood movies is interview with the vampire ofc i love him#im gonna eat ramen and prepare myself to lie to the nurse tomorrow cuz im not going to gym#i have the biggest urge to just keep thping if only i had this spark in school i hate my brain bro
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had a conversation about gym class with my friend who I went to school with today - it was depressing but also nice to hear that her experience with it (at that particular school) was just as bad as mine.
I don't think the way my school treated gym class was entirely normal tbh. it was completely different to the school I went to after, anyway. and everyone I talked to there only knew gym class to be a pretty fun, lighthearted thing. at my old school it was only about achievement, you had to be perfect, if not you were usually yelled at. and if you couldn't participate because you were feeling a bit ill (but not enough to stay home from school) you were ridiculed and/or insulted in front of the whole class. this happened with every gym teacher we had over the whole 9 years there.
it felt like two hours of punishment, there was nothing good about it. and it made at least the both of us feel like any kind of exercise/sport, especially in a group setting, was terrifying - for years after. even my much more positive experience at the other school I went to didn't make that go away.
#maybe my school really just sucked#I mean I already know it did. but maybe it did in even more ways than I thought#maybe it's a Gymnasium thing. idk. any Germans please feel free to comment if gym class at your school was like this#and it wasn't just because we were bad at sports or anything. I got very good grades in gym class at the other school. and my friend does a#ton of different sports now and everything#I remember there was a girl in my class who got a 1 (the best grade) in every other class and a 4 (out of 6) in gym class. and the teacher#was so fucking awful and gleeful about it. he made fun of her so much.#I'm pretty sure I was about to get a 6 in gym class right before I dropped out - and that definitely played a part tbh. I just couldn't#spend one more second with that gym teacher. he was horrible and gross and mean (and sexually harassed girls at another school! but of#course he was still allowed to teach at our school!! ľ#anyway. gym class was the worst part of my (already not great) life from 11 to 19 so I hope all my old gym teachers break both their legs :)#except one. he was really nice to us and didn't do any of the stuff the others did. but we only had him for a year in between all the other#ones so it wasn't enough :(#like one of our (female!!) teachers would loudly make fun of girls who said they couldn't participate because they were on their period and#in too much pain.#in front of everyone. when we were like 13.#I hate that woman more than any of the others.#lol it's funny how like half of my issues are because of my parents and the other half is because of that fucking school#I will never forgive my mother for forcing me to go there and never letting me change schools even though I asked to for 8 fucking years#personal
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there is truly nothing like the slowly rising dread of the amount of work that you need to do vs the impossible lack of will to get up off the floor
#i have so :) much :) to :) do :)#two quizzes. five lab reports. two assignments and one mcq. all due for this week lmao#and i have an appointment which will Not be fun and i’m seeing my grandad tomorrow which will also. Not be fun#oH. and a summer job interview . gross#fuck me sideways it’s also paddys days this friday. i hate my life#and i need to get back to going to the gym and swimming and writing again hahahah fine. ok#what if i just rot here#also. i have seen all ur asks about valewis and ted lasso i am so sorry. i all respond when i get the time to sit down and breathe#delete later
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hello i just wanna say i genuinely like ur observation about nishiki's fighting style and then ya manage to bring it back to ur 'drug addict nishiki' headcanon like it caught me off guard but im also not surprised that is so fair and real of u okay thank u
In a world where drugs dont exist, nishikiyama’s strength comes solely from his anger and i guess he goes to the gym too
#Thanks for the ask !#Yakuza loveblog#its not a headcanon his voice actor said so before he so does drugs and he does it to escape his terrible life ratpark style#i would in fact be more surprised to learn that nishikis rawdogging life i mean hes definitely not religious and i guess he has alcohol but#thats not enough for what he has to endure. we have to give him meth we have to let him do coke#like i have no reason not to believe he goes to the gym because he is literally vain and i bet he works out till he gets a six pack all#one my life sucks two my life sucks on the bench and he drags kiryu there too even though he hates going to the gym because it stanks and#the aircon is always blowing at the worst spots and the overhead lights oohhhh cant stand the bowling alley either he throws the ball as#hard as he can and it doesnt even touch the runway before its smashing into the pins thats why the y5 bowling completion is so easy he#wants to get out of there asap. im off track see everything goes back to kiryu i always neglect nishikiyama. like even kazamas like heres#some drugs now leave me alone and hea like hmm do i snort this or sell it. oh well SNNRRRT. like there is absolutely no reason for his#entire fighting style to be heavy attacks unless hes wired like crazy and its because hes so pissed off all the time plus hes teeming with#like. cocaine. hulking the fuck out. thats why kiryu feels so safe around him because he has every reason to believe that in a pinch nishik#i can grab someones head and pop it like a grape in order to save his life hes seen it happen before it wasnt just because he feels#comfortable and in sync with nishikiyama he literally has seen him punch someone so hard their skull caved in and hes like okay !#thats why he loves fighting him so much its because if nishiki punches him in the head he’ll just have to wake up the next morning in pain#its so fun trust me on this you need to be punched by your brother right now or youll die
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Call my school tumblr high the way they make the stupidest desicions that literally everyone hates and also how half the school is high
#silver.talks#‘ oh yes we have all this renovation money so instead of making desks a more suitable height or making more comfortable chairs or anything#to help students we will redo the floors and and also paint a beautiful blue wall boring white’ I am going to hunt you for sport#‘oh yeah if you late you can’t get excused because even if it’s reasonable this is just how life is lol. also we’re making it so if you’re#late three times you can’t redo tests either. what do you mean help depressed students. fuck no.’#‘ also you have to have a high score for gym and a 100% attendance if you don’t you either fail the year or get kicked out of school’ BITCJ#THE GOAL OF TGE SCHOOL WAS BEING INTERNATION NOT BEING ATHLETIC#I hate this so much I am actively considering dropping out
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The absolute power of not having to talk to people if I don't feel like it
#was at the gym having a gay ol' time minding my own business#and suddenly i look to the left and i see this guy i used to go to synagogue with at the door#the first time we met we thought we had some kind of connection bc we were both kinda weirdos and we didn't jibe with the rest of the group#both the more time passed the more he started realizing i was a WEIRDO weirdo who doesn't know how to make conversation#and it all turned really awkward#and to make it worse i had a bit of a crush on him and he could tell and he would be quite mean about reminding me he wasn't into me#so when i saw him today i wanted the earth to swallow me bc FUCK NO I'm not talking to that guy#if he comes up to me and tries to catch up i will kill myself on the spot and forever change the tragectory of his life#fortunately he didn't seem to recognize me at any point#he wasn't even that bad lmao i just HATE catching up with ppl i had any sort of mildly awkward relationship with#this isn't something i wanna put my energy into. goodbye
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🚬🧸🧃🎀
#anyway so yeah im so sick of hating myself. of missing out on things and being too scared to go after things i want when i have the chance#so sick of almost being 25 and having spent almost 6 years alone in my room missing out on life#and my mom and sister might be moving in the not too distant future#so i have to try to get my life together for real now!!! or homelessness will be awaiting me :D#what i will try to do.. is start going to the gym (w my mom so i dont have to deal w the anxiety of an unknown place by myself sksk)#i'll workout 3-5 times a week. every week. i like going to the gym so if i just get started i dont have a doubt i'll not be able to do it#i'll focus on finishing my english class. hopefully in december even if i have the possibility to get it extended a few months#then i'll start my other 4 classes in january#i'll be patient and wait for my ultrasound and get the gallstone situation fixed (latest in january if i need surgery)#(and i have to try to make sure i eat properly so i dont wind up with b12 deficiency... i cant eat anything without pain but i have to..)#also i have an appt at the psychiatric in mid october. and im still waiting on what my healthcare center says. hopefully i can get cbt#if possible i will really really try to apply for jobs as a personal assistant sometime between january-may#if i have a job instead of being on wellfare i will 1) have way more money 2) not feel constabtly anxious abt being rejected and homeless#i'll stop caring abt me being 'old' and a late bloomer. the planet is dying. who cares if im 28 and start university????#i'll take my time to finish high school. and the thing is i really should get a job before starting higher vocational education#bc the program i want to start i HAVE to have a laptop. and theres no way i can afford that now. cant even save up to it#also need to find and put myself up on waiting lists for student housing/apartments so i can actually move#i hate this city and i need to get the fuck out of here!!!!#but the world is crazy rn and it's super hard to find places to live and find jobs but it's not impossible so i need to try#i cant live like this & i have no idea how tf i'll manage to be a normal person and have a life but i need to try bc what else am i gnna do?
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i hate tumblr new format. alsooo whatd i miss
#listen my tumblr writing voice is disappearing since all i post are instagram CFs.#alas whats#errr i went to ecuador over the summer and holy i love cocktails#i got drunk for the first time and the next date went hungover to a diff date and then got into a relationship but i broke up with him like#two days ago#IB Y2 is effectively killing me and the last thing i needed was someoen that drained me#also i found an argentine show called rebelde way from the 2000 s#go di need to rant about it i feel so strongly like i just im so frustrated school is so much and i am bf-less (for the better) and#i turn 18 soon and i start college next sept and im gonna major in math and OH BUT i dont want to be alone i hate being alone oh oh oh#bu the show is so good but my deadlines are so heavy but the show but pablo and marizza#IB took over sm of my life like yeah i let it consume me but oh god oh oh oh#i hadnt had a legit interest or show i liked bc i know i get deranged about them#godd im also one of the only 2 girls left in the program#and i need to hit the gym bc like. grad is soon and why are boys in my school so mean#in ecuador this isnt a thing like friendships are sm closer in ecuador and dynamics are so different and oh i yearn to be with tehm i reall#do but the country is like not okay and i had a kidnapping scare but oh oh oh to feel loved by the people around you#anyways what else#sorry i disappeared fellas
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