#the grief of losing a sibling through disconnect is different

[mckinlily]

i am genuinely in love with your writing, particularly your foster care au. like everything about it is so good!! i adore the found family and wow you write the relationships between all of the characters so well! (I especially love the pride one it makes me so happy). if you have any other headcanons id love to hear them but if you want to save them or anything no worries, i just wanted to let you know how much i love your writing.

I literally don't have words, this is so sweet!! Thank you so much! And I am delighted to hear how much you love the foster care au. I was so convinced that I would be the only one interested in it, but I guess you really can't go wrong with found family. Complicated but loving relationships are my jam.

I was thinking about what headcanons to share, and you know who I haven't talked a lot about? Allura. Which is a TRAVESTY I tell you. How could I have done my girl dirty like that? But let's rectify that here:

Allura is the only child of Alfor Altea, a business tycoon who died unexpectedly just before she graduated high school.

This has left Allura very rich, very lonely, and feeling very disconnected from the majority of her peers.

Coran is an anthropology professor at Harvard, Alfor old friend, and Allura's godfather. He loves Allura very, very much and is painfully waiting for Allura to accept his help with her grief.

Allura is doing a double major of Political Science and International Relation. As well as a minor in philosophy, biology, hey maybe add in some engineering.

Some might see this as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Others would point out that Allura's hyper-competence is just like that. The truth is probably a combination of both.

Allura is also involved in like a hundred clubs and student-lead organizations. Shiro is only slightly joking when he asks if Allura intends to take over the entire campus.

Allura convinces Shiro into taking classes like pilates or gymnastics or volleyball with her for "easy" credits.

Both of them are WAY to naturally talented and FAR too competitive together. They'd be awful if they weren't also so darn nice.

A lot these classes are very woman dominated. There'd probably be a lot of rumors about Shiro joining just to "pick up chicks" if it weren't for most the class just assuming he and Allura are a Thing.

Somehow both Shiro and Allura still manage to be surprised that this happens every. single. time.

This is getting a bit into spoiler territory, but nothing big and this fic is taking forever to finish anyway so let's add...ROMELLE!

I'm going with a design based on @breezycheezyart 's Black Romelle because she's gorgeous and I can't unsee it

Romelle and Allura become friends their freshmen year, and Romelle is Allura's best friend after Shiro.

Romelle is an bubbly, social Art History major. Also I've decided to make her a lesbian because I can and it's what we deserve.

(This means so far Lance is probably the only straight character in the series. Sorry, Lance.)

Romelle hasn't met all of Shiro's siblings, but she's heard about them. She adores them vicariously through Allura.

(Hunk is her favorite).

It doesn't happen all at once, but over time Allura comes to adopt Shiro's siblings as her own. Or perhaps it happens the other way around. In any case, they're family now. It doesn't make up for losing her father, and perhaps it's because this new family is completely different that she accept it. No one will ever replace her father. But she's never had siblings before.

Turns out, she rather likes it.

[iamanartichoke]

I’m sure this is an unpopular opinion so don’t @ me but this has been bugging me so much since WandaVision came out that I just need to get it off my chest. 

I don’t understand Wanda’s grief. 

I can appreciate that the writers are going to great lengths to portray her grief as debilitating and genuine and raw, and that it’s more or less being treated respectfully. 

I can recognize that it’s an important story to be told, both in terms of framing a narrative around the stages of grief and using the MCU platform to bring awareness to the ways in which people struggle with loss, in addition to being fairly creative (the tv shows through the decades is pretty good) and setting up a multiverse that will tie into other franchises (Dr. Strange, probably Loki). 

Like, I get all that. 

But the root of Wanda’s grief is coming from Vision’s death. Yes, it’s about Pietro too, along with her background trauma, but 75% of this is about Vision - his death being a catalyst of sorts, the way in which he died, the pain of losing a romantic partner. But I just ... don’t ... feel it. 

I keep seeing those gifs of Wanda sinking to her knees and breaking down in the empty lot where their house was supposed to be. It should be an extremely emotional moment, but all I think when I look at them is, when did they get so established as to be planning to build a house? Why am I supposed to care about this and feel Wanda’s loss with her? 

Prior to Infinity War, we really didn’t get any setup for the Vision/Wanda ship. They didn’t interact at all in Age of Ultron. In Civil War, they may have shared a few interested looks but they were ultimately on different sides, with Vision even discouraging Wanda from doing what she felt was right (”If you do this, they’ll never stop being afraid of you” - which, I hate that, but that’s another topic). 

They had a conversation about fear, and also apparently Vision would just phase through Wanda’s bedroom walls (”Vision, we’ve talked about this,”), and ... that’s it? The majority of their relationship was established off-screen, in between movies. The entirety of their struggle in Infinity War consisted of the narrative telling us Vision had to be saved because he and Wanda were so much in love, but it did little to show us that was true. 

We didn’t get to see them getting from point A to point B. We didn’t get to see them interacting awkwardly while we knew that they liked one another but were dancing around it; we didn’t get to see their first kiss or watch them open up to one another; we weren’t there when they fell in love. By the time Infinity War came around and they were supposed to be a serious couple, I was not invested in them in the least (and actively disliked Vision but, again, another topic). 

This is all a very long-winded way of saying that it frustrates me that this whole premise of grief and loss (an entire tv series!) was built around this relationship that was barely established whatsoever in the MCU and that I personally feel no investment in. The “stakes” aren’t there for me; I can’t identify or understand Wanda’s grief because I don’t know what it is she’s grieving in the first place. I know cognitively, of course, but I don’t know emotionally. 

At least with Pietro’s death, the relationship was well-established. We saw how much they relied on one another; they were physically affectionate and Pietro was framed as kind of a caretaker for Wanda and it was clear that these were two siblings who were and are incredibly close. I still feel sad about Wanda losing Pietro. Not Vision. 

Not really to make this about Loki and Thor, because it isn’t, but at least we can understand Thor’s deep grief about Loki’s death in Infinity War, in addition to the loss of his friends and of Asgard, because those were all established things the audience was invested in. In TFA, when Bucky fell off the train, it was gut-wrenching for us as well as Steve because the narrative showed us how close they were and how much they loved each other. But Wanda and Vision ... it’s like how Clint’s family came out of nowhere and suddenly we’re supposed to care about them being dusted and sympathize with Clint’s grief-fueled murder spree. (I don’t.) 

I did not intend for this to be such a long post and, again, please don’t @ me bc this is just me getting it off my chest, not trying to start any discourse. Ultimately it just comes down to me being extremely frustrated at the quality given to Wanda’s grief arc when the thing she’s grieving didn’t, from the audience’s perspective, warrant it. It perpetuates that telling and not showing is a valid narrative choice, and perpetuates the idea that the audience is supposed to care about what they tell us to care about, not what we end up being invested in based on the quality of the story. And maybe that is a little about Loki, too, and the disconnect between how the narrative portrays him vs what tptb tell us he’s supposed to be - which, unfortunately, is at the root  of so much of the meta and discourse regarding Loki’s general existence. 

But, again, that’s another topic. 

[adiabolikpastel]

Title: Lunar Eclipse Masquerade

Shu pt. 2

Rating: PG

Word Count: 2,577

Pairing: Shu x ? (m/f)

ღ Being in charge is not easy for someone who hates pressure. As Shu attempt to run from his responsibilities, another one arrives - much to his dismay. ღ

Mun Yu: We made it to the second wave of LEM. I hope you all enjoyed the set up, and are ready for the main event. Our Lunar Eclipse is in full swing as the masquerade beings. These chapters will be longer.

Additionally: I would love to thank @dialovers-translations for translating the Shu and Reiji versus CD which show cased them during the Lunar Eclipse. It helped me greatly to write his personality.

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Despite what most people think, demonic beings are very social creatures. The elites hold countless balls and parties, celebrating their immortality together, and entertaining one another with stories. Typically, they are done in celebration for something – though this is not always the case. All types of beings from across the Demon Realm will come if the host is of high enough prestige.

There would be no such host if it was not for Karlheinz. Seated as the head of the Bat Clan (vampires), Karl’s reach spans far. Being the widow for the former Demon King’s daughter, and having children of the first blood, an invitation from the Vampire King is not one to refuse. Though why would you? In his immaculate castle within the Demon Realm, Eden Castle, it is always quite the spectacle. While the celebrations held in his Human World mansion are nice, nothing compares to a true night of pleasure within the true home of the King.

On this night, there was to be a Masquerade in honor of the first Lunar Eclipsed Moon in over two years. While this night may serve each species differently, the idea to celebrate its return was simply too tempting. For this reason, Karlheinz took it upon himself – or rather – his house, to host the event. This extended to his offspring as well, regardless of their personal agenda. Members of every social elite race accepted the offer, and gathered for a truly unforgettable evening.

So nosey. That was the only thought going through Shu’s mind as he arrived to this unnecessary event. There were so many guest in attendance, part of him felt it was a personal attack from his father. The man knew everything – so he found it hard to believe that he and Reiji could actually attempt to surprise him. That thought alone made him weary to even come, but it was better to follow orders than to disobey. He’d learned that lesson long ago.

Before coming to Eden Castle, it was rather nice to be back in the old mansion. He’d been gone for a year – being able to nap in all his old places was great. Not to mention, two of the louder brothers weren’t in the house – it was perfect. Then again, Subaru and Kanato were noisy on their own. Not to mention seeing Akumu – that was... a thing.

Not that things had ended badly between the two – far from it actually. Akumu’s place simply wasn’t meant to be at his side forever. Despite any attachment that may form. Subaru was going to have a much harder time letting go than Shu did. For him it was as simple as telling him that he was leaving. In typical Akumu fashion, the robo-boy simply nodded. That was something Shu liked about Akumu though, there was never any pressure with him.

Things were easy, because there wasn’t really anything to get. He was simply there to be used as needed for whatever was needed. Simple. No attachments. Shu had every intention to keep things that way. Hell, even during his short time back in the house, he used Akumu’s body to soothe some needs. Honestly, Shu felt like that was the type of relationship he could have forever. No stress. No expectations.

With all of his brothers finding some kind of ‘love’, Shu found himself thinking on the topic in passing. Though he never gave anything much thought. Especially since Reiji approved him with this new task – his fate seemed to remain alone. It would be cruel to bring someone into this, not to mention his own personal baggage. This was easier. Better even. The relationships his siblings had were so much effort – though that may steam from them being with humans. Shu could never see himself with something so common as one.

Now here at this party, however, he could see the appeal of having a partner. It was bothersome to have to be alone in a place like this. There was nowhere to sleep, and of course Reiji wouldn’t just let him make an appearance and then leave. His brother went so far as to have him stay close and actually speak with people. It was draining. The same phrases on loop. Again and again. To faceless person after faceless person. Shu could care less about any of these people.

Reiji urged him that these would be his people, if their plan came through. The idea made things slightly more bearable, but there would always be a certain disconnect between Shu and the rest of the world. How could there not be. He made that barrier long ago. After losing the one thing in life that made him happy. Even after learning that his friend was alive, that didn’t change the years of grief and torment. But now wasn’t the time for all that. Stand up straight. Smile. Pretend. If this was just a sample of what was to come, Shu was having major second thoughts.

The stress of dealing with so many people each day. Throwing parties for stupid events. Living each day under constant watch. Honestly, it was overwhelming. So much so that, he had to get away. With a small excuse, he left Reiji to finish the greetings. He had to get away for a moment. Out of this room. So he leaves the ballroom, wondering the halls.

The worse thing about Eden Castle was its ability to react to those inside it. Shu closed his eyes, groaning, and letting himself rest against the wall. He refused to open them. Not now. This castle would warp around his distress, turn him around, make him lost. That was the last thing he wanted. He simply needed a moment to breath. Preferably nap, but that wasn’t an option.

It was moments like this that really made him think about the future. How was he going to function as a leader? When all of this made him so uneasy. Even with Reiji at his side, all of the pressure – Shu lowered himself into a seated position. He hadn’t felt like this in years. Fear. Anxiety. It was suffocating. Shu couldn’t stop the memories flooding into his head. Why was this happening?

He wasn’t sure how long he sat in the hallway. He wasn’t even sure if he was really still in Eden Castle or not. The panic racing through him placed him in the past. Where his mother still lived, and lectured him daily. Where Reiji plotted and schemed against him. Where Edgar… Enough! Shu had to snap out of this, and in an attempt to do so, he gave himself a smack. This was ridiculous. It had to be this place, stirring up the memories he’d so desperately rather forget.

Picking himself up, he forces his will onto the Castle. Shu could feel its magic attempting to twist the view to his emotional distress. Perhaps all the training this past year wasn’t for nothing? Forcing himself up, Shu walked back into the ballroom. Upon his arrival, Reiji was dealing with some kind of mess. A table was over turned, and there were desserts all over the floor. What a hassle. He had planned to simply tell Reiji he was leaving, but that plan wasn’t going to work if his brother tried to get him to help.

As he debated with himself, an all too familiar presence made itself known. Shu searched the crowd to find the source. It was overwhelming in his current state of mind to ignore, like he normally would. Against his desires, his body followed where the call came from. It was almost sickening, this influence. Soon he found himself face to face with the one beckoning him, Karlheinz.

“There you are Ririe, I have been waiting for you to join us.” The vampire lord’s voice held such weight, even though he spoke so calmly. Normally Shu was able to resist most of his father’s influence, but for some reason tonight it felt stronger. Could it be the moon?

“Ah~ Shu-san, you look so handsome in that suite. I knew that design would complement you perfectly.” Another familiar voice chimed, as a woman made herself known next to Karlheinz. Shu would tell then why everything felt off. It wasn’t just from the moon.

Before Shu had a moment to speak, Karl placed a hand against his back, moving him closer. “There is someone special I have been trying to get you to meet.” He informs raising a hand to beacon someone over. Shu wanted to move out of his father’s grasp, but there was no escape. “Ajax, I am so pleased to finally get these two together.” He addresses someone Shu had never seen before.

This ‘Ajax’ was a tall, broad man, standing well over all of them, probably pushing about 8 feet. His skin was tanned, and his hair looked as though it were the mane of a lion. Similar to his father, it was long and held with a ribbon, but his bangs were pushed back from his face. While on most people they would slick back, his seemed to flare outward, in excitement, perhaps? He was dressed in an embroidered long-sleeved formal shirt rather than a suite, with a mask to match.

Next to him were two smaller women, one that came to about 6ft tall, and the other shorter than Shu. They both also had tanned skin. The taller one wore a two piece outfit, it stood out amongst the many dresses in the room. While it was simply a blouse and skirt, it seemed elevated, majestic even on her. The shorter female was dressed much closer to the tone of the event, with an off the shoulder ball gown, yellow in color with a navy lining.

All three of them had a pair of horns on their head, though each were different. Ajax’s were large, and split into three different pairs. The longest set on top of his head, moving back with his hair. The next were not as long, and the third fell just over where his ears would be. The larger woman had a pair, but they were much smaller in comparison. Just a single pair, that formed a perfect wrap around her ears, the ends sticking out just slightly. The smaller females were a combination of both. Only have one set, they dipped down as if to begin to wrap, but instead moved back, and extended upwards.

The three approached the Vampire King, bowing respectfully, “Karlheinz, It has been some time since we last met! It is good to see you well!” Ajax, voice was booming, but not with malice. He held great enthusiasm, and respect in his words. “So this is the young lad you had in mind? I can see the resemblance in you! Haha!”

Shu was utterly confused by what was transpiring before him. Just who were these strangers? Why would he of all people be introduced to anyone? Surely he meant to call on Reiji. Then again, he did use his true name, what could his father be planning.

“Yes, this is my eldest son, Ririe. As we look towards our futures, there is not a better son I could think of to join our families.” Karl goes on to Ajax. “While he does share my genetics, I assure you, he looks much more like his late mother.”

Ajax laughed, and scratches his head, “I should say the same for my daughters! They all carry their mother’s beauty that is for sure!” The taller woman next to him smiles but clears her throat. “Ah! Yes of course, my dear!” The large man moves to the side, and brings forth the smallest female. “How rude of me! I present to you my lovely youngest daughter, Callista.”

He all but pushes the female into Shu. Who was still trying to process what was happening in this moment. As he looked at the girl, he could see she was embarrassed to stand before him. What was he supposed to say? To do? “Um…” She was the first to break the silence, looking up at the young vampire. “It is… a pleasure to finally meet you, Lord Ririe.”

Shu just stared at her. How could his father even suggest this!? He had always sent brides to the home, but this… this was more arranged. This was – “You’ll have to forgive him, Lord Ajax. He must be in total shock from your lovely daughter’s beauty.” Shu could hear the enchanting tone in his father’s escort’s voice.

“Haha! Of course! Like all of my daughters, she is a beauty beyond compare.” The tall man boast happily.

“Perhaps we should allow them some time to become acquainted.” Karl suggested, and before Ajax could protest, the other woman clears her throat once more, elbowing Ajax a little. “Come, let me give you a small tour of the Castle. I am sure Burai would also enjoy seeing you as well.”

As the rest of them started to leave, there was one final word from Ms. Escort. “Do your best, Shu-san. Your father will be counting on you.” Her words were soft, much too soft for anyone but Shu to hear, as she followed after Karl and the others.

Leaving Shu and this girl, Call-something. Shu looked after his father, trying to decipher the meaning to all of this. While the final words of his escort rang in his head. Such a noisy thing. Clearing his throat, Shu took a moment to gather himself. There were far too many forces attempting to influence his mind, and he was growing tired of it all.

With a disgruntled sigh, Shu turns from the girl. He would have no part of this nonsense. Not once had he ever shown interest in the human’s their father threw at them. He sure as hell was not interested in a demon bride. Just because he was the eldest, did his father think he could simply marry him off? Ridiculous. Disgusted by the entire offering, Shu planned to leave. Leave this entire charade behind. Reiji would have to find someone else to take on the role of heir, because he was not the one.

As he began to walk away, a small hand grabbed onto his arm. “Wait just a moment.” It was that girl’s voice. He had no intention of listening to her, and shrugged her hand off. “Um, excuse me, I am talking to you.” She followed after him, he could hear here the sound of her heels behind him.

“I have no intention of doing as my father states. Leave me be woman.” It was cold, but Shu knew no other way to be.

That must have set her off, because before he knew it, the smaller being was in front of him. Hands on her hips, “The least you could do is speak with me. For just a moment. You may not like it, but I have a duty to uphold and-" While she was talking, Shu move around her, uninterested in what she was try to say.

Oh boy did that make her mad. The demon girl stamped her foot, and continued to follow him. “Listen, I know it is not ideal. I am beginning to think that you were not told about this beforehand, like I was. This must be a rather overwhelming moment, however, I will not be ignored. Lord Ririe we are to be married whether –"

Shu stopped in his tracks as she uttered the word ‘married’. It was so abrupt that she ran right into his back, letting out a soft gasp. Shu turned slightly to look at the girl once more. She was not hideous. Hair curly, skin tanned, body… Now that he looked at her, damn if her shape was not ideal. Curvy in all the right places. A nice pair of tits. Thin waist. Round hips, which he was sure translated to a large ass as well. Not to mention her eyes were piercing. A golden color, that looked similar to a predators.

Perhaps ignoring her was the wrong approach. He could be persuaded to use a bit more effort, since she was his type. “I’ll speak with you then. Not here though. Come with me.” Shu orders and holds out his arm for her to take. She is obviously confused, but she links her arm with his none the less. “Appearances. Don’t want anyone coming to attack me thinking I am upsetting you.” He says softly leading her outside.

“Well… I wouldn’t say I blame you. It was rather shocking to me as well when father told me of the news.” She says blushing slightly. Shu did not respond to her as they walked through the crowd. He could feel multiple eyes on him. Just who was this girl? She was clearly the daughter of a demon lord – though Shu had no idea which.

☆+ ﾟ .+ .ﾟ.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ｡. +ﾟ ｡ﾟ.ﾟ｡ TO BE CONTINUED ☆*｡｡ . ｡ o .｡ﾟ｡.o｡* ｡ .｡

[vivilove-jonsa]

Drabble prompt request! =) "Your name's not Alayne!"

Thank you so much for the dialogue prompt, my dear!  This got much longer than a drabble and I wound up going a totally different direction with it than I’d originally planned when you sent it but I hope you’ll enjoy a little mystery and amnesia AU anyway :)

****

“You’re name’s not Alayne!” someone shouts but it’s hazy.  It’s a familiar voice.  Or is it a stranger’s?  

I am Alayne.  Who else would I be?

Her name had been the first thing she’d learned…somewhere.

**

Red lights.  Blue lights.  The first things she sees after the darkness.  The mangled automobile surrounds her.  Sirens and the voices of first responders are near but foggy.  Is she dreaming?  No.  

There’s a gruff voice but his touch is careful.  “What’s your name, miss?”

She opens her eyes slowly again to find blue eyes looking back at her.  Blue eyes, black hair, ruggedly handsome.  

“Alayne,” she murmurs. “I am Alayne.”

His head tilts to the side, studying her.  “I’m Gendry, Alayne.  I’m going to get you out of this mess.”

She smiles feebly.  She wants to thank him but she slips into darkness again.

**

Bright white lights. They’re so glaring, so unpleasant. As unpleasant as the squeal of the gurney’s wheels and the squeak of rubber-soled shoes while strangers shout things about their patient, the Caucasian female, late 20s.  She’s a race, a sex and a vague guess at her age to them…along with the list of her injuries.  They’re focused on that.  

“What’s your name, honey?” a nurse asks with kind eyes like molten chocolate and curly black hair.

“Alayne.  My name is Alayne.”

“You got parents?  Siblings?  A boyfriend maybe?”

“There’s…there’s someone.”

Their faces float in front of her but she doesn’t know them.  Who are they?  Who am I?

Another face is there, solemn but handsome, dark curly hair and grey eyes.  Who is he?  

“Don’t worry, honey. We’ll find them,” the older woman says, squeezing her hand.

She wants to say more, ask questions of her own but she has an IV now and someone’s just given her a sedative.  She drifts.

**

Dim yellow lights.  It’s peaceful even though there’s no peace.  He’s here.  Somehow, she knew he’d come though she’s not sure how she knew it.  

He’s so distressed and it makes her sad.  She knows she should be, too.  It’s just all so disconnected and strange.  There’s odd images floating around, childhood memories that aren’t hers.  Or are they?  

“You were driving home from the market.  You’d said you wanted to make a lemon cake since we were celebrating.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why, sweetheart.  These things happen.  The police are investigating the crash.  The other driver took off and…”

“No, I mean, why were we celebrating?  Who are you?”

That’s when he’d realized something else was wrong, something the trauma team had missed.  

The doctor’s low voice is telling him about her head injury.  She remembers some things but most of it’s hazy and some of it seems like a dream.

Jon.  He’s Jon and he’s supposed to be her fiancé.  He is her fiancé but she doesn’t remember him.

They cry together quietly after the doctor leaves.  He’s gentle, so sweet and kind.  He assures her they’ll work through this.  He loves her very much and she must love him, too.  In time, she’ll remember.

**

Sunset washes the world in pink and gold.  They’re home and he’s brought her out to her flower garden.

“You enjoy being out here more than just about anything, I think.”

“I do?”  He winces and she wishes she could reassure him.  “It’s lovely.”

“When I first brought you to my home after…”  He’s grimacing now and she knows he’s deciding whether or not to share something unpleasant with her.  

“Tell me,” she said, soft but firm.  She wants to know.  They’re going to rebuild the memories she’s lost.  She’ll remember in time.  The doctors are hopeful but no one is more hopeful than Jon.  She wants to share his optimism.    

“I took you from your father’s house.  You were not happy there.  He kept you…locked away.”  

“Locked away?”  A flash of memory, green-grey eyes and mint on his breath.  It makes her flesh creep.

“He was not a good man, Alayne.”

Fear, isolation and something else lingers in the corners of her mind when she thinks of him.  Petyr.  The name of her father sounds queer to her but Jon says that’s his name same as her name is Alayne.  ‘You must remember your name, Alayne.’

“What happened to him?”

“He died.”

He bites out those two words and something in his tone makes her hesitant to ask more about it.

“How did you know him? How did we meet?”

“I was…”  He scrubs at the back of his neck, looking embarrassed. “I worked as a landscaper on his estate. I tended the lawn and we met one day.” He starts to blush.  “You leaned out your window.  You told me I’d kill your blue roses watering them too much.  We…we hit it off.”

She smiles when this flash comes to her.  They’d quarreled but only briefly.  The quarreling had quickly turned into flirting.  “I remember,” she sighs.

“You do?”  She nods and he’s pleased.  “When I’d come near the house, I’d look up towards your window and you’d come stand there.  If no one was loitering about, I’d wave.  If no one was around inside, you’d open the window and we’d talk.”

And we fell in love.

“You love our garden,” Jon explains, carefully taking her hand in his.  “You said you liked being outside as much as possible after…after being there.”

It feels good having her hands in the soil again, tending her flowers.  She spends hours in her garden until it’s time to go inside and eat dinner with Jon.  Jon, who loves her and took her away from Petyr’s house.

**

Sunrise, golden through the sheer curtains hanging in their room.  It spills onto her pillow as her messy hair fans out around her like a halo.  His fingers slip through it.

“You like my hair.”

“I do.”  

“It was brown once, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, you were dying it when we met.  I don’t know why.  Your natural shade is so beautiful.”  

His eyes are lit by the sunshine filtering in as he leans towards her for a kiss and another.  His arms are warm and strong.  

“If you don’t want to...”

“I want to,” she tells him.

She curls one leg around his thigh and sinks her fingers into his dark hair as he moves within her. Their soft moans and heavy breathing fill the quiet bedroom as birds chirp outside in her flower garden.  

He loves her and she loves him.  She’s remembering bits and pieces. She’ll remember all of it soon.  

But this morning, she’d woke up remembering something else, how much she loved the way this felt with Jon.

**

Christmas lights. Bright and cheerful music which Jon claims he hates.  He still smiles when she sings along to her favorites.  It’s funny how she knows them by heart.  Some things never left at all, she supposes.  

Their hands are clasped as they make their way into the store to shop.  Green and red decorations everywhere but that’s not what they’re shopping for.  Petal pink and soft whites.  Maybe some yellow.  

She loses Jon around the stuffed animals, giggling at him wanting to buy a bear nearly as big as they are.  “What will a baby do with that?” she teases.

“Mr. Bear will watch over her for me while she naps,” he says in a tone so serious she only laughs more fully.  

She heads towards the cribs, telling him to catch up.  She spies a little lamp with a cow jumping over the moon on the shade.  She remembers that nursery rhyme.  She wonders if she’ll ever be able to tell their child about her own childhood.

“Sansa?”

She turns though she doesn’t know why.  That is not her name.    

There’s a young woman, pregnant like her standing behind her with a young man.  He’s got black hair and blue eyes.  He’s familiar.  

“It’s her, Arya.  That wreck…I told you about the girl we pulled from the vehicle and how she favored your sister,” he’s saying to the young woman. “I can’t believe it’s really you,” he says to her next.

“I’m sorry?”

She feels Jon join her.   His arms wrapping protectively around her waist.  “Who’s this, sweetheart?”

I wish I knew. “Do I know you?”

“Sansa,” the young woman says again and her grey eyes fill with tears.  Her hair is dark like Jon’s and she’s familiar, even more familiar than the young paramedic named Gendry.

“My name is Alayne.” But for the first time, she’s not so sure.  ‘You must remember your name, Alayne.’

“We’ve looked so long, so many years.  I can’t believe I’d find you here.”

“Looked for me?”

“After Baelish abducted you, we feared we’d never find you again.  And then when he wound up murdered, we hoped you’d come home to us…if you were still…alive.”

“Murdered?”

She feels Jon stiffen and suddenly remembers.  Petyr choking on his own blood and Jon grasping her hand.  “I’ll take you away from here.  I’ll protect you, I promise.  No one will never know.  We’ll move far away.”  

“Why didn’t you come home, Sansa?  It’s been two years since he died.  Mother’s been mad with grief.  We all have.”

“I’m…my name is Alayne.”

“Your name’s not Alayne!” She’s so loud.  She stamps her foot like a child having a tantrum. Tears stream down her cheeks.  “Don’t you remember me at all?”

Shoppers nearby stop their milling about and stare at them.  Her own cheeks are burning with various emotions, humiliation and frustration.

But she remembers this young woman.  She remembers her as a girl.  

Sometimes, they would laugh but sometimes, they’d get angry with each other, a storm of hurtful words and bad feelings until one would beg the other’s pardon and they would hug and…

“Arya?”

[softlass27]

Okay okay you don't have to do this now, but i was also wondering about your Eve fic: I've always been a daughter, because MY GOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Like your entire thought process behind Eve's character, how her relationship with Paddy and Chas came to be, just kdlsf everything. Sorry okay xx luv you!

So this is probably the most random, spontaneous thing I’ve ever written. It was borne out of two Chaddy-related irritations.

The first was them having another baby barely one year after the traumatic loss of the first one. It was so strange to me that everyone reacted so happily when they announced Chas was pregnant again, literally months after being devastated by Grace. It seemed way too soon, like Eve was essentially just there to replace what they’d lost and help them move on from it. And their obsessive paranoia over making sure Eve was okay all the time drove me mad, and just made me think it was bound to mess her up. To quote my mother, “The kid doesn’t stand a chance with those two.”

The second irritation was the way Chas kept trying to push Aaron to engage and spend time with Eve just after he’d lost Robert and Seb – and the chance of having another child of his own. It was so insensitive and cruel of her to use Eve to guilt Aaron into moving on by saying that she “needs her big brother”. She (plus Paddy and Liv) didn’t give a shit that Aaron had lost Robert, didn’t let him mourn everything he’d lost, they just wanted him to bounce back and forget all about him.

Somewhere along the line I started thinking, wouldn’t it be great if Chaddy’s constant pushing backfired and Eve became the biggest Robert stan of them all?

So that’s basically where it came from – anti-Chaddy spite.

Eve’s character

Oh God, I was SO nervous about writing her. I had a really clear picture of her in my head – that she’d be pretty well-behaved kid, very girly, quietly confident, and generally quite a chilled-out kid. But getting all that across in a way that made her likeable stressed me out so much, I was terrified that people either wouldn’t like her or just wouldn’t care about her.

It’s also the only fic I’ve written where the focus isn’t on Robron (although ofc there’s LOTS of them in there), so I was concerned people would be annoyed by that.

Relationship with Chaddy

Ahaha where to begin?

So obviously Eve’s relationship with her parents was a big part of the story. I wanted to make it clear that their trauma from losing Grace was never dealt with because they had Eve so quickly, and unfortunately that means Eve is the one to suffer because of it. Their grief becomes unhealthy, and it causes flaws that they already had – control issues, overbearing natures, a belief that they’re always in the right – to spiral out of control into something more extreme and sinister.

In the first half of the story, when Eve’s still a kid, their controlling and overprotective behaviour is something that she’s aware of but accepts easily enough, because she doesn’t know any different. Then when she becomes a teenager, there’s a shift in how it manifests. Once she starts to understand that something’s wrong and pull away, this is when the real breakdown of their relationship happens. They basically go between two extremes – either smothering her completely by inventing illnesses/stop her from becoming independent, or pushing her away and giving her the cold shoulder whenever she tries to resist said smothering.

There’s a form of mental illness/abuse that I find absolutely fascinating, which is called Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy (NHS link here). Not that much is known about it, but it basically involves an abuser (usually a parent or caregiver) faking illnesses in their child. It can be for a variety of reasons – power, attention, control, financial gain. I wasn’t comfortable actually labelling Chaddy’s treatment of Eve as this specific form of abuse, since I’m not a mental health professional (not yet anyway, I’m training to become one!), but it’s definitely something I had in the back of my mind when I was writing this. I doubt it’s a story the show would ever do, since it would mean turning Chaddy into actual villains, but I think the potential is definitely there with Eve!

I suppose the other thing to mention is Grace. Oh, Eve’s feelings about her sister are so complicated, probably more complicated than I was able to convey, though I loved giving it a good go. When she’s still a child, Eve’s main feeling in regards to Grace is confusion. Confusion over what happened to her, why she makes her parents so sad, why her not being here means Eve doesn’t get to do normal things like other kids.

Then when she gets older and understands, her feelings get a lot more messy. There’s anger, sadness, resentment... and a strange sort of disconnect between what her parents tell her to feel and what she actually feels. Not to mention the cold reality she tries not to dwell on too much – the only reason she was born is because Grace had died. 

Relationship with Aaron

Obviously I wanted Eve to be close to Aaron, and for him to sort of be her lifeline, her only real shot at growing up “normally”. Chaddy foisting her on him so much as a child means he sort of naturally becomes a third parent as well as a big brother. He’s the one who provides the things that a good parent is supposed to – support, encouragement, pushing her to be the best/as happy as she can be.

So yeah, Chaddy’s plan to use Eve to make Aaron act in the way they wanted backfires MASSIVELY. She becomes the only one who helps him get through losing Robert, and who (admittedly unknowingly) helps them get back together. And in turn, Eve spending so much time with Aaron makes her grow up strong and resilient – just like he is – and Chaddy can’t stand that. Ah, sweet irony.

Another thing I like about Eve and Aaron is that – on the surface – they have nothing in common. Unlike Liv, who was basically brought in as a “mini female Aaron”, Eve is very much her own person and very different to her big brother. But there are a few subtle similarities in their personalities that I did try to show – they’re both quite blunt when they want to be, they’re both quite easily-pleased and find simple pleasure in things, and neither of them suffer fools for long. And they both adore Robert. Speaking of whom…

Relationship with Robert

Literally one of the first thoughts I had about this story was: Eve will fall in love with Robert instantly. What little girl wouldn’t? The sweet relationship between them was one of my favourite things to write, their conversations always seemed to flow so naturally. It was also a soothing balm to my irritation over Liv hating Robert for literally no reason (other than she wanted Aaron all to herself). It never made any sense to me, so I wanted Eve to be the exact opposite. Writing Chaddy’s reaction to this was also very fun lol.

One thing that’s really lovely about them is how Robert becomes the only person who really understands what it’s like to not get along with your parents (and to be constantly compared to another sibling). To feel suffocated/desperate to get away, yet also upset when they reject you and guilty because you aren’t falling into line with their plans for you. Of course Aaron understands to an extent, because he obviously knows what Chas and Paddy can be like, but it wasn’t something he personally grew up with.

Ballet 

So Eve’s dance career wasn’t planned, not at all. It was initially just a hobby I used to show that she’s a proper girly girl. It wasn’t until I reached her teenage years that I realised I needed some sort of big conflict to cause the final showdown. I knew whatever it was had to lead to her moving into the Mill, before leaving the village and getting away from Chaddy for good.

I know from personal experience that if you grow up in the north and decide you want to pursue a career in the arts, you’re probably going to have to leave home and move to where the opportunities are. So the idea came to me that turning Eve’s passion for ballet into a career choice would mean she HAD to leave home, and it would serve as the ideal catalyst for this final fight.

I do have a head canon in my head about how Eve’s twenties and her early dance career will go. Who knows if I’ll ever write it, though!

[almasidaliano]

because idk.. i just- i wanna know how to recover from the way he broke me. everything starts there. that’s the root. and i say yanno, it is what it is- and rationalize him and i talk and still i feel this hole this emptiness this longing. always disappointing myself, believing in him. hating myself for doing so when he never believed in me. and he’s here, i guess now.. and it’s better than nothing- or its supposed to be. but they feel the same. so nothings changed. he’s indifferent to whether i stay. he only cares when we’re dead and grief sets in. but pride consumes the grief- hes resistant to growth.

and i keep trying to prove myself.

why am i always having to prove myself? because i came from him & he was supposed to believe in me.

but he didn’t.

and i had moms yanno? but moms resented (still lowkey resents) my brother and i because he left. he was there w my brother tho. we reminded her of the pain it brought her. my mom did it alone but the price of that was her presence. she was always away. like now, i miss my mom. it’s mother days soon and i just wanted to see them. plans have now changed bc of a job, great money tho. i’ll see her for like 30 seconds. and then poof gone again. but it’s for us yanno? so i should be more understanding right? except i feel like i’m 7 again. and 8. and 9. and 10 through fucking 16. and she dryly supported me. tainted my visions with her preferences. everything was for her. and she was the parent who kind of stayed so anything for her. be expendable, dependable, accessible, always. i can please people so well because since birth i’ve been trying to get someone to give my existence approval. worth. and yes it comes from me- but when trying to get there this is the track i follow. so i don’t get far..

i choked down depression and anxiety and trauma- i beat myself just to knock out the demons and i tried to be everything, tried to do everything. (sound like me? lol) the problem? to do that i couldn’t be me. and the more i compromised me the worst i felt. and then i try to be me and i’m liked- but not understood.

i’ve never really been understood.

hell, i’ve never really understood myself. which makes it even harder to express and try to explain to others. but its like i came from you? how could you look at me so blankly, so foreignly? because all i’ve ever wanted was a family. i wanted family dinner and vacations. family homes. i wanted to grow up with some people for decades. i wanted to see my people in the stands cheering for me. i wanted to be held by arms other than my own when i cried at night. someone to discipline me, and guide me not teach me self sufficiency and preservation and then weigh me down w tasks. my mom throws things in faces. she refused to be a statistic . teen mom in new orleans? life’s over - she was gonna be different prove em wrong. and she did. she doing it. however, everything had to seem a way. still, that’s how my mother operates. she specializes in masks. so as her offspring- gotta make her look good support the image and shit. my plan/ dreams/ inspirations - she don’t like how it fit in the picture. so she tries to manipulate and i peep and concede . until i didn’t. and i was belittled chastised and discouraged. discouraged to be me. because no one wants someone like that- because no ones gonna stay or put up with that. because i’m broken and need to be fixed. and i just - i cant understand it.

what about me, makes people opt out of fighting? or trying ? or staying? am i just not something worth fighting for?

my insecurity starts there.

it’s like what did they see in me? or what didn’t they?

she named me diamond- because of the twinkle in my eye. i was so aware- didn’t even cry. super developed smart. quick learner. cute kid people liked me. intelligent athletic hardworking fast learner - stuco- early grad - all the scholarships i obtained - speaking for a donor gala - my literary works. i was president of organizations - great teen of america - gave a sermon - i just wanted to be seen. to finally be worth a moments notice. to finally be intriguing enough to explore and nurture. everybody always say oh you always been independent you self sufficient and i still don’t understand how that equaled, stand alone. i have empathic gifts. literary gifts. my mind is an outlandish tool. she named me after a commodity. something precious and overly valued, something cherished . key word ? THING not a title of a person- but i am a thing. still a commodity indeed. however undervalued abused neglected and disregarded. the irony. it’s like, my mom believes she royalty and i won’t knock it- but that would make me a princess or heiress to a throne type shit. but i’m cinderella and tiana and jasmin and ariel and belle and all of them yanno. except there was/is no magic here- so i wasn’t whisked away- proofed the answer- granted a solution or guide- i didn’t get the every lasting hope sprinkled on my storybook.

so i’m here now.. a princess. who may never become a queen.

however, it’s deeper than that. the reason i can’t believe you love me, or you’ll stay- is because they didn’t. and i’m still fighting for their approval or acceptance . while simultaneously tryna get them to give that to ME .

i just — i see your family right? everyone around me has family. has support has love. a mother’s love. a fathers protection. my little sisters all daddy’s girls.

and then there’s me..

the prototype.

i just think- fathers walk brides down the aisle. for me, i could never fantasize it. it was supposed to be my big brother. all i had, for light? was my siblings. and i have 9 . but i mean denzel and trinity. i was never going to be alone. as long as i had them. and i just knew i always would. i’m dumb close w my other brother ty now and that’s a blessing because he and trin are my hope. my other siblings i love, however i fear i cannot guide and or save. and there’s distance yanno? charley and i click HARD but he won’t talk to me.. no one talks to me..

but losing my brother just yelled - you know nothing. you’re not safe. no one will stay. no one can stay. and i can’t help but feel like its hopeless now. because trinity has always conceded with my mother for easier interaction and denzel and i, were individuals he and i could touch base more. we grew up together saw it all. so like now- trinity has a shifted opinion leaning to back my mom. so i now have that disconnect with her. so sometimes i don’t feel safe in her. my brother ty is a sociopath. who most sincerely doesn’t or rarely and even then very minimally, expresses emotions . he thinks logically and moves in ways to benefit him. he is amazing- he just doesn’t always (most always) have the capability of comforting or offering advice on most common things.

so it’s me. the next up- meant to lead and guide and protect. - except i’m a mess. and no one believes in me anyway.

thanks for listening.

-daliano

[curseburdened]

CHARACTER BASICS.

name: alastor amais moody

nickname: moody

age: thirty-five

gender: cis male

ethnicity: half filipino, half white

nationality: scottish

pronouns: he/him

education: hogwarts ( gryffindor )

occupation: auror

hometown: edinburgh 

current location: hogsmeade

affiliation: the order of the phoenix

blood status: pureblood

CHARACTER APPEARANCE:

face claim: bob morley

height: 5′10

weight: 161 pounds

hair colour: black

eye colour: brown

dominant hand: right

distinguishing features:

a wooden left leg

various facial scars

MAGICAL EXTRAS.

patronus: black stallion

wand: ten inches, blackthorn with a unicorn hair core

boggart: his disappointed parents

hogwarts house: gryffindor

amortentia: the smell of freshly brewed tea and smoke 

PERSONALITY.

positive traits:

+ confident, indomitable, and courageous

negative traits:

- paranoid, reclusive, and blunt

goals/desires:

seeing the true end of the war

finding peace

fears:

outliving more members of the order

caring about people too much

mbti: istj

hobbies: reading 

habits: gripping his wand tightly in his sleep

FAMILY.

father: amais moody †

mother: marisol moody née cruz  †  

siblings: none

next of kin: unknown

HISTORY:

amais moody was a man with something to prove. his parents had been aurors, as had his grandparents, and so on and so forth for as long as the family could remember. it came as no surprise whenever he stepped up into the position of being an auror, and even less of a surprise when he left his mark in the field.

marisol cruz, however, she was a different story. although she’d come from a pureblooded wizarding family in the philipines, they were wand makers, not aurors. her family expected her to follow in suit, or to simply marry up and spend her days rearing children. neither of those options were appealing to the witch, so, as soon as she had graduated, she relocated to scotland and got a fresh start, and started the necessary training to be an auror.

as time went on, marisol and amais became well known in their own rights in the wizarding community. the more time they spent together, the closer they became, and sparks began to fly between the pair. amais claimed the day he knew she was the one was the day she beat him in a duel and held her wand to his throat. the pair finally married in their fourties, and had alastor two years later.

born the child of two renowned aurors, alastor moody had a lot to live up to. though, in his earlier years he was a softer boy, bright and full of life, desperate for his parents adoration and attention. while his mother provided it in droves when she can, his father always pushed him away. ever-persistent, the little boy never let himself be deterred, trying effortlessly for his attention, even if that meant simply being shooed away after the slightest sign of acknowledgment. as a young child, his mother was the star of his universe, and his father, his father was a faraway planet he just couldn’t seem to reach.

despite the lack of attention, he received from his father, his childhood felt like a dream. of course, all dreams come to an end, and for alastor the dream ended whenever he was eight years old. marisol and amais had left on a mission in the early afternoon, marisol taking the time to kiss her son on the forehead, and his father even bothering to pat him on the shoulder before they left the cottage. they promised they’d be back that evening, and that they’d be back in time to put him to bed. the neighbor woman who was watching him waited until the latest hour she could before tucking him under the covers and promising to wake him when his parents arrived. stubborn as ever, he was resigned to stay awake until they came home, and at a little past one in the morning he heard the door to the cottage open and he sleepily scrambled to his doorway. standing there was his father, in a soaking wet cloak, and a somber look on his face. alastor tilted his head, looking for his mother’s smaller frame, but he didn’t see it. then his father shut the door, and walked over to the woman alone and spoke in hushed whispers. the witch covered her mouth, and the tears in her eyes spoke volumes, though the young wizard was deaf to them. whenever his father turned toward him, he moved back to his bed, hiding under the covers. he heard his father come to the doorway, and stand there for a moment. his father called his name, but he was to afraid to speak. his father repeated his name one more time, and then he shut the door. the next morning alastor would find out that his mother was gone, killed in the line of duty. but for that night, the dream had still existed, and he was able to believe, if only for a few hours later, that his mother would be coming home and everything would be the way it always was.

after marisol was gone, amais made more time for alastor. in his grief, his father clinged to the one piece of wife he had left, and alastor clung to the father he still had. the next three years passed in a blur for the pair, and then it was time for the younger moody to go to school, and the disconnect between the two began once more. there was an awkward handshake on the platform of 9 ¾, and he was off to school.

his time at hogwarts was rather unremarkable for the first few years. he wrote his father, made friends, and went through the motions. he was a good student, studied his books late into the night, and tried to stay out of trouble. though, when trouble arised, he was more than willing to stand his own. he looked out for the other members of his house, and of his year, and those younger than him, and even those above him when necessary. he wasn’t willing to stand by and let innocents get hurt, and these moments cost the house points, and on more than one occasion, led to disciplinary actions, but all of them were worth it to him, and earned the moody a reputation as a duelist in his later years.

all throughout school, alastor had struggled with the idea of what he would do after his seventh year. everyone expected him to follow in his father’s footsteps, in his mother’s footsteps, but there was always an ounce of hesitation coming from the wizard. while his skills were suited for the career, hell, some said it ran in his blood, he also wanted to be his man, follow his own path. he was his mother’s son, and he’d started to investigate careers for his other talents, and he’d nearly been convinced he wasn’t going to be an auror up until the winter break of his seventh year. his father had sat with him in front of the fire in the cottage that was filled with memories, and they’d just finished dinner when his father asked him what his intentions were. alastor froze for just a moment, debating if he should say what he wanted to say, or what his father wanted him to say, but looking into the mans tired eyes, he lied. auror. he said he wanted to be an auror, and watching the way amais’ eyes lit up, it was worth it. he told himself he could do it, if not for him, for his father. little did he know, it was the last time he would see his father, and he went back to hogwarts the next morning on his own, oblivious to the future tragedy he was going to ednure.

alastor is preparing to go home, and start the next chapter of his life when he recieves the news. it’s a formal letter from the ministry, and in flowery words it explains the end of the great amais moody. it’d been a mission, he’d been ambushed. it took four men to bring him down, he should find comfort in the fact his father hadn’t suffered though, and that he’d fought hard until the end. it isn’t pride the moody feels, instead, he doesn’t feel much of anything. the pain doesn’t come until later, and when it does, it hits him like a freight train. grief, anger, and the feeling of being completely and utterly alone.

as they bury his father, and everyone speaks about what a fine man he was, and all the good he and his wife had done, alastor can’t think of any of that. he can’t remember all the love and affection his mother smothered him in, he doesn’t remember the three years he’d shared with his father after his mother passed, or the pats on his shoulders. he didn’t remember the letters they’d exchanged, or the pride in his fathers eyes whenever he’d announced his intentions to become an auror. in those moments, in the graveyard, all he remembers his father’s last promise, and his mother’s last promise. the promise that they’d go home when it was all done, and everything would be okay. maybe they meant it, maybe everything could have turned out differently, but none of that mattered. it was then that alastor moody became a skeptic, and it was then that alastor vowed never to make a promise he couldn’t keep at any cost, and the bright little boy he’d once been disappeared forever.

in his twenties, alastor fufills the promise he had made his father and secures the future of the moody legacy for yet another generation. he doesn’t marry though, hell, he doesn’t even look for anyone, if anything he pushes them away. he buries himself in his work, and it becomes his everything. protecting the innocent, locking up the criminals, and protecting the wizarding world. no matter what kind of day he has, the wins, or the loses that they endure, the job is always there to welcome him home, and he’s ready to drown in it.

the job was everything, until trouble began to brew, and suddenly it wasn’t all that mattered. the order mattered. the wizards mattered. the loses start to matter, and he starts to feel again. he starts to worry, and care again. he has allies, friends that aren’t his flask again. when it’s announced the war is over, he is skepitcal at best, and he keeps his wand at the ready. he has a family again, and he won’t lose this one, no matter what it takes.

[acciomoody-blog]

ACCIO INTRODUCTION

STATS

name: alastor moody

nickname: moody

age: thirty-five 

species: wizard

gender: cis man

pronouns: he/him

occupation: auror

QUICK PERSONALITY

+ confident, indomitable, and courageous 

- paranoid, reclusive, and blunt

FAMILY

father: amais moody †

mother: marisol moody née cruz  †  

siblings: none

next of kin: unknown

SHORT HISTORY

amais moody was a man with something to prove. his parents had been aurors, as had his grandparents, and so on and so forth for as long as the family could remember. it came as no surprise whenever he stepped up into the position of being an auror, and even less of a surprise when he left his mark in the field.

marisol cruz, however, she was a different story. although she’d come from a pureblooded wizarding family in the philipines, they were wand makers, not aurors. her family expected her to follow in suit, or to simply marry up and spend her days rearing children. neither of those options were appealing to the witch, so, as soon as she had graduated, she relocated to scotland and got a fresh start, and started the necessary training to be an auror.

 as time went on, marisol and amais became well known in their own rights in the wizarding community. the more time they spent together, the closer they became, and sparks began to fly between the pair. amais claimed the day he knew she was the one was the day she beat him in a duel and held her wand to his throat. the pair finally married in their fourties, and had alastor two years later.

born the child of two renowned aurors, alastor moody had a lot to live up to. though, in his earlier years he was a softer boy, bright and full of life, desperate for his parents adoration and attention. while his mother provided it in droves when she can, his father always pushed him away. ever-persistent, the little boy never let himself be deterred, trying effortlessly for his attention, even if that meant simply being shooed away after the slightest sign of acknowledgment. as a young child, his mother was the star of his universe, and his father, his father was a faraway planet he just couldn’t seem to reach.

despite the lack of attention, he received from his father, his childhood felt like a dream. of course, all dreams come to an end, and for alastor the dream ended whenever he was eight years old. marisol and amais had left on a mission in the early afternoon, marisol taking the time to kiss her son on the forehead, and his father even bothering to pat him on the shoulder before they left the cottage. they promised they’d be back that evening, and that they’d be back in time to put him to bed. the neighbor woman who was watching him waited until the latest hour she could before tucking him under the covers and promising to wake him when his parents arrived. stubborn as ever, he was resigned to stay awake until they came home, and at a little past one in the morning he heard the door to the cottage open and he sleepily scrambled to his doorway. standing there was his father, in a soaking wet cloak, and a somber look on his face. alastor tilted his head, looking for his mother’s smaller frame, but he didn’t see it. then his father shut the door, and walked over to the woman alone and spoke in hushed whispers. the witch covered her mouth, and the tears in her eyes spoke volumes, though the young wizard was deaf to them. whenever his father turned toward him, he moved back to his bed, hiding under the covers. he heard his father come to the doorway, and stand there for a moment. his father called his name, but he was to afraid to speak. his father repeated his name one more time, and then he shut the door. the next morning alastor would find out that his mother was gone, killed in the line of duty. but for that night, the dream had still existed, and he was able to believe, if only for a few hours later, that his mother would be coming home and everything would be the way it always was.

after marisol was gone, amais made more time for alastor. in his grief, his father clinged to the one piece of wife he had left, and alastor clung to the father he still had. the next three years passed in a blur for the pair, and then it was time for the younger moody to go to school, and the disconnect between the two began once more. there was an awkward handshake on the platform of 9 3/4, and he was off to school. 

his time at hogwarts was rather unremarkable for the first few years. he wrote his father, made friends, and went through the motions. he was a good student, studied his books late into the night, and tried to stay out of trouble. though, when trouble arised, he was more than willing to stand his own. he looked out for the other members of his house, and of his year, and those younger than him, and even those above him when necessary. he wasn’t willing to stand by and let innocents get hurt, and these moments cost the house points, and on more than one occasion, led to disciplinary actions, but all of them were worth it to him, and earned the moody a reputation as a duelist in his later years.

all throughout school, alastor had struggled with the idea of what he would do after his seventh year. everyone expected him to follow in his father’s footsteps, in his mother’s footsteps, but there was always an ounce of hesitation coming from the wizard. while his skills were suited for the career, hell, some said it ran in his blood, he also wanted to be his man, follow his own path. he was his mother’s son, and he’d started to investigate careers for his other talents, and he’d nearly been convinced he wasn’t going to be an auror up until the winter break of his seventh year. his father had sat with him in front of the fire in the cottage that was filled with memories, and they’d just finished dinner when his father asked him what his intentions were. alastor froze for just a moment, debating if he should say what he wanted to say, or what his father wanted him to say, but looking into the mans tired eyes, he lied. auror. he said he wanted to be an auror, and watching the way amais’ eyes lit up, it was worth it. he told himself he could do it, if not for him, for his father. little did he know, it was the last time he would see his father, and he went back to hogwarts the next morning on his own, oblivious to the future tragedy he was going to ednure.

alastor is preparing to go home, and start the next chapter of his life when he recieves the news. it’s a formal letter from the ministry, and in flowery words it explains the end of the great amais moody. it’d been a mission, he’d been ambushed. it took four men to bring him down, he should find comfort in the fact his father hadn’t suffered though, and that he’d fought hard until the end. it isn’t pride the moody feels, instead, he doesn’t feel much of anything. the pain doesn’t come until later, and when it does, it hits him like a freight train. grief, anger, and the feeling of being completely and utterly alone.

 as they bury his father, and everyone speaks about what a fine man he was, and all the good he and his wife had done, alastor can’t think of any of that. he can’t remember all the love and affection his mother smothered him in, he doesn’t remember the three years he’d shared with his father after his mother passed, or the pats on his shoulders. he didn’t remember the letters they’d exchanged, or the pride in his fathers eyes whenever he’d announced his intentions to become an auror. in those moments, in the graveyard, all he remembers his father’s last promise, and his mother’s last promise. the promise that they’d go home when it was all done, and everything would be okay. maybe they meant it, maybe everything could have turned out differently, but none of that mattered. it was then that alastor moody became a skeptic, and it was then that alastor vowed never to make a promise he couldn’t keep at any cost, and the bright little boy he’d once been disappeared forever.

in his twenties, alastor fufills the promise he had made his father and secures the future of the moody legacy for yet another generation. he doesn’t marry though, hell, he doesn’t even look for anyone, if anything he pushes them away. he buries himself in his work, and it becomes his everything. protecting the innocent, locking up the criminals, and protecting the wizarding world. no matter what kind of day he has, the wins, or the loses that they endure, the job is always there to welcome him home, and he’s ready to drown in it.

the job was everything, until trouble began to brew, and suddenly it wasn’t all that mattered. the order mattered. the wizards mattered. the loses start to matter, and he starts to feel again. he starts to worry, and care again. he has allies, friends that aren’t his flask again. he has a family again, and he won’t lose this one, no matter what it takes.

[newyorkroleplay-blog1]

REAGAN HAWTHORNE –

Birthdate: November 11th, 1990 (28) Gender and Pronouns: Female, she/her Hometown: Chicago, Illinois Neighborhood: Dumbo, Brooklyn Occupation: Detective at NYPD Faceclaim: Melissa Roxburgh Trigger Warnings: Death

BIOGRAPHY –

Surprise! You’re having another baby! It hadn’t exactly been the news Amelia Hawthorne had been expecting to hear when she’d gone in for a routine yearly check up, at first thinking the doctor was just playing a joke on her. Already the proud mother of three children, she and her husband hadn’t been looking to add to their brood. Nevertheless, once the news had a chance to set in, the entire family was overjoyed at the thought of another baby. Nine months quickly flew by and after a nearly thirty hour labor, Reagan Hawthorne had officially come into the world, kicking and screaming. Her older brother and two older sisters were immediately taken with their newest sibling, all fighting over who got to be the first one to hold their newest sibling. It was the precursor for what the rest of Reagan’s life would look like. The blonde, quite frankly, can remember a single moment in her early childhood that someone in her family wasn’t there.

The Hawthorne’s, despite being natives of Chicago, wanted a change. New York had always been a dream and when the perfect apartment in Brooklyn fell into the Hawthorne’s lap, they didn’t have the heart to say no. Saying goodbye to everything you’d ever known had been hard for Reagan, even if she had only been nine years old. The sadness, however, was short lived once the blonde was planted in her new home. Her love of the city was almost immediate, Reagan insisting that she’d never want to live anywhere. Her father opened a small corner shop a few blocks from the family’s apartment while her mother took to Manhattan and found herself a job a paralegal at one of the city’s most prestigious law firms. Like they had Reagan’s entire life, her siblings made sure to always keep one eye on their young sister to ensure she stayed out of trouble. Every night at 6 o’clock, Reagan’s father would close down his shop and meet his wife at her subway stop and the two would walk back to the apartment together and prepare dinner for their awaiting children. It was perfect. 

Twenty minutes to close one regular Wednesday evening, twelve year old Reagan and her seventeen year old sister were waiting to go meet their mother when the sound of two men screaming, drawing the girl’s attention. Running for the office door, one shot rang out and then another and as Reagan pulled open the door she screamed. The next few hours were mostly a blur of police officers, her mother screaming and crying and her siblings attempting to get Reagan to talk, but she couldn’t. What would she even say? Losing her the patriarch of the family, especially in such an unexpected and gruesome fashion had left the family reeling, the matriarch taking it the worst. The apartment was a mess, their was no food in the fridge, and the bills had started to pile up around them. Too young to offer much assistance and too traumatized to allow herself to feel any grief, one night Reagan walked out of her family’s home and took off. Fourteen years old with nothing but the clothes on her back, for the first time in Reagan’s life, she was responsible for taking care of herself. 

She spent two years running with different crowds of people, doing whatever she needed to keep herself alive; stealing, fighting, running, it didn’t matter. In a city as massive as New York, it’s nothing short of a miracle that Reagan’s brother had been walking around Brooklyn (after a routine visit with his still grief-stricken mother) when he’d spotted Reagan huddled behind a dumpster. Like a feral child, Reagan’s immediate reaction was to run away, but thankfully, her brother eventually caught up with her. To this day the blonde can’t recall a time she’d ever been squeezed so hard in her life or seen another person cry so hard. Something inside her made her want to cry, too, but after living the way she had for so long, the most Reagan could offer her brother was gentle pat on the shoulder. The first words out of Reagan’s mouth when her brother had finally let her go were that she wasn’t going back home to their mother and if he tried to make her, she’d run again.

Moving in with her brother hadn’t exactly been what Reagan expected, but since the death of their father, it appeared her eldest brother had taken over the role. His one bedroom apartment was a tight squeeze to say the least, but Reagan couldn’t exactly complain. Too late to enroll in a regular high school, Reagan’s brother signed her up for an online high school program, insisting she needed to at least obtain a high school diploma. It had been a difficult adjustment for Reagan to say the least, but for her brother’s sake, the blonde knew she had to try. The program took time to complete, but a few months shy of Reagan’s eighteenth birthday, her brother and the rest of her family had pulled together to throw the blonde a small graduation party to celebrate her accomplishment. Reagan had been trying to reintegrate herself back into her family’s life, especially her mother, who had blamed herself for her daughter’s disappearance.

Without much thought about college, Reagan wasn’t exactly sure what she was supposed to do with the rest of her life. Get a job? Get married? Run away again? Her older sister quickly stepped in, her husband who worked at one of the police precincts informing her that they were looking for a new receptionist. It wasn’t exactly what Reagan had really wanted to do, but it was better than nothing. It eventually was the beginning of the blonde’s interest in beingmore than just a receptionist. Her brother-in-law had been a huge help during Reagan’s time in the police academy, encouraging her and on the day of her graduation, the blonde stood proudly up on stage with her entire family in the crowd looking on. Never in Reagan’s wildest dreams did she think her life would have lead to this moment, but for the first time in a long time, Reagan felt proud.

The life of an NYPD police officer was the exact adrenaline rush that Reagan needed, never knowing what each day would bring. In a way, it made her feel close to her father again, being able to help people who went through a similar experience as she had. It meant getting her own apartment and eventually after years of dedicated service, a promotion to detective. It also meant falling in love, even going so far to agree to a proposal. Her fiance, another police officer from a different precinct, was everything that Reagan could have asked for. Unfortunately, the two would never get the chance to make it down the aisle. Killed in action trying to protect his partner, a hero’s death his Sergeant had called it. To Reagan, it was just another person in her life that had been taken away from her. Much like after her father’s death, Reagan completely shut down. Taking a sabbatical from work, the blonde spent most of her time off trying to figure out where she was supposed to go from here. Reagan didn’t want to sit on her couch, watching her life crumble around her the way her mother had after her father. Instead, Reagan cut her time off short and after a full evaluation at the request of her Sergeant and has officially been back on the force for a month. The only thing Reagan feels like she has left is her job and she’ll be damned if anyone tries to take that away from her, too.

PERSONALITY –

( + ) self-sufficient, adventurous, tough. ( - ) disconnected, blunt, unstable.

[ganymedesclock]

Do you have any headcanons for the Voltron teams child selves?

Honestly, anon, I’m really glad that you asked this because I think that people often... really underestimate the amount of personality and autonomy children have? I’ve seen fics and RPs of younger versions of the paladins that seem to sort of assume there is a single default “child personality”, or maybe like... two or three of them, that are consistent from age 2 to age 13 when being a kid is pretty much just the first part of the process of being a person.

Shiro

My impression of a younger Shiro is really... earnest? Kind of a ‘teacher’s pet’ in the sense of, with an authority figure he really looked up to I can see him being very eager to please because he wants to be Good and Responsible, he wants to be a hero and a role model. At the same time, I get a sneaking suspicion that part of the reason Shiro in present is so drawn to Keith is because they had some things in common in the past, which... a glaring similarity between them is temper.

Shiro is frankly really short-tempered and snappy in the present so I figure any younger version of Shiro had kind of a worse handle on it, especially if he felt like something was really wrong. He’s the sort of person who would stand up to bullies no matter who they were, and with that kind of fearless I can see him actually getting into fights on occasion himself.

The real interesting thing with a really young/ “kid” Shiro would I think be watching him assembling that moral viewpoint and sense of values that are so dearly important to him. I like Josh Keaton’s headcanon that Shiro was raised mostly by his grandfather and a lot of that sense of old familial wisdom that he tries to piece together into something cohesive with his day-to-day life. As he gets older, I can see him being not quite so eager-to-please but in other ways, emerging even more as a peer leader and someone who’s quick to take responsibility for others, especially those younger than him. He was probably good at sports, too!

Another thing that I expect would be a factor here is Shiro as a quick study and someone who performs well academically, and with that and his sorta natural leader attitude and desire to make people proud, he’d come to put a lot of emphasis and effort onto his education. I can see him being a sort of student council figure in school but then, once he gets to the later grades and things get tougher, him going through a really difficult phase in late middle/early high school where he stresses out a huge amount and pushes himself way too hard trying to keep up that Straight-A reputation and his relationships/social life suffering, and that being kind of a dark chapter in his life that he worked through and let his hair down a lot in the timeline of the main show. Especially if he lost his grandfather around this time.

Though, Kerberos and its missing year would probably bring some old bad habits out of the woodwork for him...

Keith

Honestly I can see younger Keith as really, really subdued. Before meeting Shiro I don’t think he had much of that confidence to assert himself, at all, and being shuffled between foster houses, after losing his father I can see Keith having kind of shut down a lot. Just sort of keeps all of his limbs inside the vehicle and waits for everything to stop moving, doesn’t try very hard to connect with people because it’s not going to last.

Keith is super sensitive, emotionally, and, like what I said with Shiro and anger, I think the younger you’re spinning Keith the easier it’d be to get under his skin and upset him, especially around or before the age where he lost his dad because the implication we have is that Dad Kogane was a very soothing presence- Keith related to him mainly in that he was someone Keith looked to for comfort, so I think Keith at that age where, if he was upset, he’d be loud and proud about it, none of the internalizing and burying that he got into later- just plunk on your butt and bawl because that alerts Dad and Dad will make it better.

Of course, after losing his dad, I sorta feel like that crybaby inclination can’t go away- he’s still really sensitive, and easily overwhelmed, and his world has become very volatile and very upsetting so he’s overwhelmed a lot, and nobody will leave him alone but nobody’s filling that consistent comforter role that his father lived in, so he starts lashing out. I can see him having some really awful meltdowns, that he’s scolded for more than the grief and loss of security at the root of it is recognized.

So he internalizes it as he’s a “problem child”, he’s “angry”, he has “too much of a temper” and that makes him bury feelings of discomfort and fear, while, a certain amount of living up to expectations means he gets more comfortable expressing frustration. And that just gives him his tendency to explode that he has in canon- because he keeps stuffing his emotions until he can’t handle it any more and it overwhelms him.

I can see him taking up a lot of outdoorsy hobbies, his interest in photography and exploring areas just because he’s gotta get away from it all, and especially with how much I read Keith as an autistic kid who was diagnosed pretty late/close to the start of the show, and his alien heritage, Keith just feeling this profound awkwardness and sense of disconnect- but conversely, he’s athletic, and the natural world, compasses, weather follows fairly predictable patterns, they’re things he can deal with and prepare for. And with that, he starts to get his legs under them, a bit of a sense of confidence that maybe he’s not awful at everything, there’s safe places where if he explodes it doesn’t hurt anybody but him.

I think he met Shiro at around this point, a few years before his canon age, and sort of the work he’d done connecting with the outdoors and building confidence there gave him a better foothold for Shiro to just start towing that confidence into more populated environments, into school, towards accommodations where he can apply himself and start feeling more positive and in control of his life. Leaving the foster system, and thus not being reassigned to new houses, actually makes him feels like he has a consistent environment so that helps too.

Lance

I can see Lance just, being kind of a total ray of sunshine as a kid? Like, he’s the youngest but he’s totally his mom’s favorite, just a little, he’s kind of spoiled and he knows if he has an argument with his siblings he can leverage the advantage of running crying to mom.

He’s super squirrelly too, and impulsive, and it makes him a little difficult to manage and he probably has a lot of bumps and scrapes and broken bones, but he loves swimming, he’ll scrabble over everything and fidget and jump around and tackle people and he’s just this overly physical kid who doesn’t ever actually want to fight anybody he just loves everyone and it takes him a while to figure out how to be gentle with other people (and his own body). He might feel a little under pressure because there’s this really big family and all these different people, and he’s not sure he can keep up with them sometimes.

Personally I like the idea that he was influenced a lot by movies since that was one of the main bonafide ways to make him stay in one place, he’d just sit and watch movies for ages, in Spanish, and in English with subtitles, and while English isn’t his first language he grew up hearing it thanks to a lot of his favorite films and that affected his pronunciation when he did start learning. Just imagine kid Lance, lying on his stomach with his head propped on his hands, kicking his legs and watching old action movies.

He probably started going to school in the states before the Garrison. Initially it was part of a school exchange thing and he stayed with a host family (that he’s still really close friends with) but just, his whole sense of adventure and excitement going into it. And nerves, of course, because he’s new kid in the country, and I think a lot of the, wanting to be liked and seem cool is what really got him trying to take up a lot of the traits of his favorite action stars, because even if he didn’t have his family and especially his mom there for comfort, his heroes were still with him. He could’ve even had dreams of becoming a movie star himself.

It didn’t always end well, there were people who took advantage of his trust and newness and made fun of him or teased him, but, that’s also when he met Hunk, who, honestly, I really can see their friendship starting with Hunk standing up to Lance’s bullies because he’s seen this happen before and Lance just keeps trusting them and he doesn’t get it but not on his watch. That could even be the thing that pointed Lance towards the Garrison, and that pupates into the mostly-fearless Lance we see in canon.

Hunk

I’m going with the headcanon/theory that Hunk is related to Commander Hawkins and, like Pidge, he’s a Garrison Brat through and through.

From the start, there’s a certain amount of stress because there’s this clear Expectation of Greatness and, is he gonna live up to that? Sure, his dad is the coolest guy ever and he’ll totally tell everybody about that, smugly, but, he’s not his dad, he’s a lot smaller than his dad, and he cries a lot.

But he’s really curious and also kinda spoiled and can cute his way out of getting punished that time he took apart the TV and broke something important, so as much as it stresses him out to be in such illustrious company and inevitably greeted with “Oh, you’re Hawkins’ boy! He’s told me so much about you!” at every turn by strange and very important adults, he’ll keep soldiering on.

He gets into constructive toys and simple dishes and science fair projects and then starts playing with real ovens and motors, since he’s good at that, and that makes him confident, and he’s not so sure about talking to strangers because he’s a chubby kid who cries a lot, but, the more he studies and the more he tinkers, the more confident he gets and the more he starts to resent things that get in the way of him and really cool stuff.

And then happens puberty and a particular eventful growth spurt he hits faster and stronger than most of his peers and Hunk starts to realize he has some real power here. The smart aleck bully kids hesitate to mess with him or steal his books, the football coach and the boxing coach are having a small-scale personal war over him and are a little heartbroken when he joins the cooking club instead. And so begins a long quiet creep towards nearly unstoppable when he’s confident about his position, which starts to head towards a lot more situations.

I said before that I think that Hunk met Lance by confronting his bullies but after that, I can see Hunk being kind of charmed by Lance’s sense of adventure, only, they’re getting into the Garrison at that point and suddenly Hunk is reminded that there are, in fact, gods he fears, like his dad and the people who employs his dad.

Pidge

Personally my image of really young Pidge is absolutely nothing so much as this triumphantly beaming kid in overalls, absolutely covered in mud, showing you that she just caught a frog. Her dislike of the outdoors is a recent addition because at first she’s super excited by any new thing, as a pre-verbal infant I just imagine her as a bright-eyed fountain of happy babbles and noises and flailing.

About the time she goes into kindergarten she starts getting more discerning, and more disappointed, and a little more inclined to run wild because things are obviously wrong and people can be mean and what do you mean she has to share, these people don’t know the right ways to play or the important things like Matt does-

(and Matt is older enough that they don’t often want the same toys at the same time, at least, in the same way- and he’ll compromise when it comes to Pidge because he just adores her, right from the start, even if they squabble sometimes and he never quite forgave her for that one time she puked on his favorite shirt)

-but suddenly there’s these other kids, and she doesn’t like this at all and she wants to go straight home to Mom and Dad and Matt because she wants a refund on her entire peer group.

School is hard and frustrating and stressful and she usually doesn’t focus on projects or assignments because she’s too busy being upset at first and this warrants a pretty major response from the Holts because their baby girl is unhappy, and this gets a whole bevy of tests and observations and the conclusion is, yeah, she’s definitely autistic and probably ADHD, and adjustments are made and accommodations but there’s still this awkwardness, this difficulty between her and the other kids.

Free time becomes important, computers become super important because nothing is more important than having environments that are Just Hers, she wants her own room and her own things and her own space and that’s when she withdraws from the outdoors, grumbles about family camping trips more even though when her mom talks about types of flowers, the way that leaves works, soil and its properties, she still hangs on every word, chatters back fast and excited and happy. Because it’ll still be okay, as long as she has this, as long as the safe place is here- it’s her greenhouse, her safe place away from the wind and the cold and the elements.

And then it’s still safe, but it’s not full enough any more- and then she needs to go find them.