#the glorious gones being so young is devastating

[emometalhead]

The Outside // Paladin Strait

[happilyfeatherafter]

Happilyfeatherafter’s ficrec Fridays

Good friday y'all. Welcome back to a new fortnight of fics that I’ve read and loved recently. I took my first holiday of the year and IMMEDIATELY caught a cold that knocked me out for the week but at least it meant I got reading done. Save me, destiel, save me.

If you want to find more you can see my previous rec lists here!

29 March 2024

virga(e) by @shineforthee (art by @neversleepuntilfive) has gone straight to the top of the favourite fics ever pile, oh my god you guys, please read it immediately and admire the art that inspired it as part of @deancasreversebang. This fic is a thing of beauty from start to finish. In one version of the story of Dean and Cas, we find Castiel perpetually waiting in the desert, when a 26 year old Dean stumbles upon him drawn to the location mid-hunt. They must learn to trust each other, to figure out what's causing the push and pull that bonds them. The poetry of this fic, run through with this yearning devastating emotion on their journey together, coupled with the incredibly evocatively descriptions and research into the setting, come together to make the most gorgeous picture, the desert a place that seems desolate but is teeming with life. Much like the slowburn romance that flourishes between them. It also links back to post-canon in a way that is seeded so carefully and cleverly, and made my heart explode. It's funny, romantic, devastating, emotional, moving....I can't do justice to this fic with such a short snapshot, please read it for yourselves and come yell at me about it. It's so beautiful. shineforthee also has a great 9x06 fanfic gap one shot and an ongoing wip now too and I can't wait to read that! (Somehow need any more convincing? Check out @bloodydeanwinchester's Virga(e) liveblog).

It's all very complex by artichokeflower okay that was all very serious, so let's turn to a short and sweet smut fic that had me giggling gleefully throughout. 'After walking in on Dean's private time, Cas decides to do a little research and experimentation of his own and gets magically trapped in a book about sexual fantasies. And if that means Dean has to go in after him, well what are buddies for, right?' The thing that is just GOLDEN about this fic aside from the hot smut is the dry sense of humour, borderline French Mistake parody level porn and dialogue between Dean and especially Cas which just gets them so well...the cowboy scenes in particular. Glorious: “I’m sorry, Dean. That’s the end of the erotic violence. Are you hurt?” “Is there going to be any sex in your sexy fantasies?” Dean wheezed. “Not that the whole shoot out wasn’t fun. I just wasn’t expecting as much plot is all.” He coughed. That had probably sounded too eager.

Just Being and Just Having by Englandwouldfall I have recced before but is now complete!! This the post-canon fic series delves so incredibly beautifully into Dean and Cas’ history of miscommunication and gives them the chance to truly talk things out, finding themselves falling more deeply in love as they do so and understand their own mistakes but also what makes them work so well together when they’re no longer under Chuck’s thumb. Each chapter feels like therapy and a brain and heart massage! It sticks the landing so well and I just love these boys so much.

Something Happening Somewhen by allthismusic (@folkbloodbaths, art by @eggchef) aaaahhh time travel young Dean brought to the future to meet older Dean and Cas fic trope my beloved. A @deancaspinefest fic, Allthismusic is a fan of the trope too and this fic is a gorgeous tribute to it and the fics that came before. Cas saves 24yo Dean from an accident and brings him to the future when he witnesses what his life will be. Will Cas have to remove his memories to stop a paradox? Sweet and heartfelt, a joy to read.

Books, Pies, and Roommates by @seidenapfel (art by @kitshay) is a @deancaspinefest two-person love hexagon, with some excellently farcical misdirection. Cas moves in to the spare room of Dean's house, but he doesn't meet him, he meets Sam, as Dean is busy working. Cas is professor but helps his cousin out as a barista and his favourite customer is Deano. Dean's intrigued by the barista but he's not his online penpal and best friend Angel. Lines blur, connections are made, and hearts are gonna get broken...or are they?

Tag list under the cut, let me know if you'd like to be added! Please reblog <3

@dean-you-assbutt-cas-loves-you

[dire-kumori]

Okay so I do this thing when watching horror movies where, when a character does something incredibly stupid, I'll think "this idiot has dumb bitch disorder fr", yk, as a stupidly unfunny joke. When said character CONTINUES to do painfully stupid things, I'll just roll my eyes and decide "fine, if you're going to continue to be stupid and stress me out, then your last name is Dumbbitch now."

That information is important because OH MY GOD DOES EVER AFTER EVAN NEED TO CHANGE HIS LAST NAME. this dummy passing out MULTIPLE TIMES during his fnaf experience is giving me SO MUCH ANXIETY. he is sooooo dumb, I'm gonna need to come up with a third tier in my "dumb bitch" rating because the STRESS IS TOO MUCH. I felt like I was having an out of body experience reading his interaction with the Marionette from how terrified for him I was and how expertly you captured the suspense and quiet horror of the moment. I sincerely cannot stress this enough when I say: OH MY GOD.

I was so hyped for the Cassidy and Evan team up and it did not disappoint! What a beautiful blend of comedy and unsettling foreshadowing. And then i was SCREAMING when you ended their little duo on that cliffhanger, but I didn't even have time to be upset about the cliffhanger because you IMMEDIATELY followed it up with that emotional gutpunch of young Evan being traumatized.

"That same horrific moment played in his mind over and again. Grasping the sheet. Expecting to find his brother and coming face to face instead with a corpse." "For four glorious days he’d had the ideal big brother he’d always dreamt of, and he’d been too much of a coward to let himself enjoy it." "Clutching the Walkman he gasped, dry sobs wracked his body as his lips silently formed the words ‘it’s not fair’ over and over and over…" "If only Michael had just gone on being a bully. At least then it wouldn't have hurt..."

^ my only response to those lines is DIRE YOU AWFUL, AWFUL PERSON, YOU ABSOLUTE MANIAC, WHYYYYYYYYY MUST YOU WOUND ME SO

Like I was only partway through this chapter when my roommate came up to me and tried talking about something, and I had to be like "respectfully, can we continue this conversation after I finish this chapter. I'm literally begging you."

And i absolutely need you to know that I was just reading your ending notes on that chapter when my roommate inquired about whether they could ask me a question about the research paper they're writing. And then I was friggin half-crying as I said "umm, I'm currently emotionally devastated by the fanfic chapter I just read, but go ahead."

My roommate literally just looked up at me from behind their laptop and asked "....are you okay? (Me: no) ...do you need a hug? (Me: no) .... Drugs to make it hurt less [/j]? (Me: ...no)."

That chapter was so beautifully horrific, I'm both in awe of you and angry at you for this fresh new trauma. I'm literally still misty-eyed with a gaping, aching hole in my chest as I type out this ask :')

(I was able to get a hold of myself and help my roomie with their paper if you were curious. Twas the hardest thing I've done in my life, but I managed. Mostly.)

I had to go have a lie down for a moment after reading this. You're killing me, Kats. You're gonna kill me with kindness.

That is, if you don't kill me with pain first because those last two Saffron Pawn posts turned my heart into confetti. And then you hopped into my inbox to set what remained on fire. You monster (affectionate).

To be fair, Evan's already changed his name once, he can do it again. It's funny that you described it as having an out of body experience because...

You 🤝 Mike -> being stressed out by Evan's reckless disregard for his own safety.

Also you 🤝 Mike -> having out of body experiences.

...I'll stop now.

I'd say I'm sorry for the emotional devastation, buuuut I'm not, lol. Honestly, I was a little bit anxious about the reception to the second part. I'm always so impressed with how well you portray strong and painful emotions in your writing, so I feel like I'm being acknowledged by a grandmaster. Also, sorry, but I'm just kind of cackling over the mental image of your roommate looking at you confused while you sob over your computer (and since you look like Gregory in my head, the image is extra funny).

Lmao, I'm glad you were able to help your roommate with their schoolwork in the end. Danke schoen for your kind words, and for the cardiac arrest!

[sweetestlamb]

Walk Through A Storm

Author's note: Honestly, like I could help myself from doing this. it's short because I need to actually get my life together but enjoy. Oh also I don't wanna think anymore so someone give me title in the comments lol I'll pick the one that fits the best. (Thanks for actually giving suggestions, one really spoke to me!)

Summary: "I'm not ready to stop kissing you yet."

"I thought you were going to reject me." She whispers in between the small space between them, their lips are close enough to meet again in another soul burning kiss and he's tempted to close the gap again. They can talk later so for the second time in his life he wants to be selfish, she brings that out in him; makes him hungry for more than he thinks he deserves. She's been doing that since he first met her.

"I'm not ready to stop kissing you yet." Her eyes widen at his whispered words and without pause he leans closer softly pressing his lips against hers. She tastes sweet like the best candy he could never get as a young boy. Her little hands slide up his back dragging him closer and he goes easily, his walls are saw dust at this point and she's a windstorm. Wrapping his arms fully around her body he pulls her closer, cupping the back of her head as he swipes his tongue at the seam of her lips. She gasps in a way that makes his blood bubble and flow southward. The sea roars besides them providing the soundtrack to their first cognizant kisses. Hopefully the first of many.

The kiss drags and overlaps, her tongue persistent in his mouth and her hands busy stroking and rubbing at his back. It takes all of his willpower to sever their connection but he's starting to feel light-headed (and horny). This all still seems like a dream ever since he saw her running over to him, when she was supposed to be in Seoul. Leaving without telling him. Making him think the worst.

"Why do you look like you want to cry?" She cups his cheeks and he's reminded of that unforgettable night. She looks so concerned that he wants to disappear not used to being on the receiving end of such looks.

"Nothing. I'm fine." He tries to brush her off, viciously wiping at his eyes but she doesn't let him push her away, grabbing his hands tightly in her own. "Tell me what you're thinking. I told you everything in my head."

He almost chuckles at her expectant gaze. She sounds like him demanding payment.

"People usually leave but you're the first...to come back early." He smiles sadly thinking about all the people he'll never see again, and how he considered that she might go back to Seoul and realize that she was much too big for the pond that was Gongjin. He wouldn't have stopped her, she deserved the whole world.

"The first hm. I like that." He stares at her face, grinning at the satisfied grin and the enveloping dimples on both sides of her face.

"A daughter with your dimples would be dangerous, I think I'd understand how Chun-jae feels then." She pauses at his words mouth gaping and it hits him just what he's implied about their future. It's presumptuous and he should correct it but his tongue feels too heavy and her bright eyes suck the air from his lungs.

"Where's Mi-Seon? How did you get back so quickly?"

"Oh." She jumps cutely, suddenly hitting him on the shoulder and he winces ready to scold her for hitting him so close to his injury. But then she starts hitting herself on the head and instinctively he grabs her, stopping the self inflicted abuse.

"Stop that. I like that head." It's cheesy, something he would have cringed at if he heard another utter it but once he sees the smile she rewards him with none of that matters anymore, he'll say anything to make her beam like that.

"You're such a flirt." She fails at sounding bothered. "Oh and I left her in Seoul. It started raining and I realized you were it for me so I ran into the rain and left her on the sidewalk. Crazy right?" She starts snickering at her own words and he stares at her taken aback laughter forced out of his lungs at her infectious giggles.

She comes into his house like she belongs there, going to his fridge without permission and grabbing a bottle of water. He feels parched watching her drink it, never before has he wished to be a plastic bottle. So many firsts with her.

"What are you staring at?" She tilts her head like a bunny and he can't get the image of her with floppy ears out of his head.

"Cute."

"What?" She blushes furiously at his accidental slip and he clears his throat before grabbing his phone, desperately needing a distraction.

"Nothing. I'll call someone to pick up Mi-Seon."

"Who are you calling?" She asks walking over to him, sitting far too closely for his brain to function at maximum capacity. When a deep familiar masculine voice answers she squeals, bouncing in her seat and giving him thumbs up. He feels so proud he could burst.

"Don't say no. She's all alone and abandoned. What if something happens to her? Could you live with yourself?" He replies to the stuttering officers weak refusals and those are the right words to get the meek man moving, it's comical that he would be playing matchmaker for anyone else.

"You're a master manipulator." She accuses and he stares in surprise, "Does it upset you?" But she surprises him by leaning closer, spread deliciously across his compact couch. "No. It's sexy." Her face is glorious under the soft lighting in his living room and he swallows the drool collecting in his mouth, embarrassed when it starts a coughing fit. She thumps his back firmly before thrusting her water at him, "Drink." He listens obediently.

He gulps at the bottle, taking a deep breath before collapsing backwards into the couch.

"Am I making you nervous?" Making. As if it's only a present occurrence, as if she hasn't been making him swallow his words and expectations from the very beginning. He shifts looking at her through narrowed eyes.

She's far too innocently twirling her hair blinking up at him with wide eyes.

"You're doing this on purpose." She smiles serenely at the claim, leaning back onto the couch and by default his arm that's strewn across the top. She presses her body into the side of his body and he tightens his hold on her shoulder. It all feels too natural.

"I'm surprised it's working. You never seemed affected by me. You denied liking me so easily. Biological crisis, my ass."

He jumps at her cursing, she sounds too much like her father. It makes him smirk.

"I thought I had to. You were right, we are so different. I thought it was something fleeting for you, you told me you're someone who gets curious."

"Pfftt. You think I get curious about just anyone? I have high standards. I'm quite a catch you know?" Her signature bravado, but this time he can see through the veil better. Can spot the cracks and tears and it makes him want to protect her even more.

"I know. You're the best thing I've ever caught."

He'll never grow tired of being the reason that face turns so pink and flushed. (Immediately pushing aside an image of her beneath him.)

"Wait here. I have something for you." He wants to argue as she starts to leave his embrace but she's too quick for his grabby hands and he pouts at her unwanted departure. He moves to follow her but she's back before he's even finished putting on his shoes.

"Where did you go? We could have gone together."

"What? Did you miss me?" She teases, dimples flashing up at him.

"Don't be absurd." He denies but his cheeks burn yes.

"Whatever. I went to get this. Here." She thrusts a large bag at him, looking excited and embarrassed all at once. He takes it confused, prying it open and feeling more confusion wash over him.

"These are men's shirts." He says dumbly and she stares unimpressed at him, rolling her eyes before nodding.

"Yes. I got them for you in Seoul. Keep them even if you don't like them. They're a gift." She looks so small and... scared that he reacts without thinking, dragging his shirt over his head and throwing it to the side. The sight that welcomes him as his head pops out of the hole is not a new one, but it's still as effective as the first time. Hye Jin looks desperate, eyes locked on his now naked chest. His skin raises under her intense gaze.

"Miss Dent--Hye Jin ah?" His call doesn't do anything, well that's a lie it doesn't knock her back to reality like he'd expect instead it seems to be the siren call that lures her closer to him. Her hand outreached before landing on the tense muscles in his stomach, with one touch he already feels devastated.

"What are you doing to me?" He aches to feel and touch and kiss and fuc-

But it's too soon for all that. They haven't even defined this yet and despite all the lines they've crossed he wants to do this right.

Taking a step back he escapes her torturous touch and pulls a shirt from the bag, ready to cover himself back up from her too penetrating gaze.

"Wait." Her voice is so raspy and longing he has no choice and he watches mesmerized as she watches him hungrily, eyes darting all over his naked skin dissecting him. He swallows hard when he sees her little hands balled up in fists by her side. Disbelief swirling in his belly. "Okay. You can do it. That's enough....for now."

His cheeks flare at the seductively spoken words and to stop himself from devouring her like a starved man he slides on a smooth button down shirt. It fits him perfectly and gulps as he buttons it up. Nobody besides his grandfather ever bought him clothes.

"It's a perfect fit." Hye Jin echoes his thoughts smoothing a hand across the soft material. He stands ramrod straight at her ministration.

"Thank you. I'll wear it well." His throat is thick and he has to blink to chase away the tears pooling there, dangerously close to falling. She hums before stepping forward into his space again, that kiss effectively tearing down all the walls and lines they had both erected and drawn.

"You're already wearing it so well. But...it looks even better off. I can't wait to see it on my bedroom floor."

A scandalized squeak is all he's able to get out before she's diving at him and devouring his lips so roughly that they tumble onto the floor.

The pain in his shoulder is worth it as she kisses him senseless systematically driving out every doubt and insecurity. At least for tonight.

[isfjmel-phleg]

Role switch ask: 6, 7

6. Which character in your story has had the best luck? Which character has the worst luck? Imagine that they’ve each gone through the things the other has gone through. How are they different?

A difficult one, since I delight in tormenting my children! Since I got asked this one twice, I’m going to arbitrarily concentrate on the children/teenagers/young adults and save everyone else for later.

Best and worst luck are relative terms. Some characters have been more fortunate in some ways but have suffered in others. It’s difficult to quantify.

But for best luck, I’m going to give it to Tamett. Unlike the Coregean and Liennese royal children, he has a reasonably stable, loving family with siblings he gets along with. Unlike Rietta, Rachel, and Amarantha, he has no deceased or absent parents. He has no royal responsibilities, makes a good salary, has excellent educational opportunities, and is materially well taken of. He does have to put up with and be subservient to Josiah constantly, which is a pain, but he’s good at ducking out of involvement or subtly getting back at Josiah when necessary.

Worst luck is a harder call. There are dead parents and unfortunate circumstances and dashed hopes everywhere, some of which hasn’t been revealed yet. Elystan gets to go through the wringer physically, mentally, and emotionally--but he’s also good at getting what he wants (when feasible) and will have opportunities to not be so alone. Ayra lost her mother when quite young, was originally raised as her father’s heir but lost that (and the close relationship with her father) after her half-brother was born, didn’t get along with her stepmother, generally is stuck being related to Josiah, had to take on adult responsibility too early, and has a devastating secret that limits her options in life--but still has opportunity to find her place and be accepted. Delclis never knew his father, isn’t close to anyone else in his family and generally feels isolated from others, was denied his rights by a stepfather who convinced him he never wanted such a role in the first place, was denied the opportunity to seek the education and career that he most desires, inherited a job he hates, has his freedom to make personal decisions taken away, and has to deal with being the potential object of everyone’s manipulation and being punished if he doesn’t comply.

...I think I’ll give it to Delclis. Although you could make an argument for any of the others.

Delclis would have loved a job that gave him opportunity to study. He and Josiah would either have gotten along or at least tolerated each other--they’re both interested in science, albeit different fields. He would have grown up maybe less reclusive, shy, and awkward in a household that would have been more accepting of his interests. After completing his education at a boarding school and later a university, he would be rewarded for his services as the Prince’s companion and probably remain on good terms with Josiah for the rest of their lives.

Tamett would have been good at sliding under the radar as Talfrin’s publicly ignored stepson. He would have been better at getting along with Talfrin (probably bonding over sports) and Bethira (more receptive to her motherly advances), and he and Elystan would have been partners in crime. As someone not burdened with glorious scientific purpose like Delclis, he would have been less sure of his future plans and more okay with going along with whatever Talfrin had in mind. But becoming King would be the worst thing to happen to him. He doesn’t have the temperament for it any more than Delclis does, and he’d take refuge in being passive-aggressively stubborn, and his government would hate him. In general, he’d be a lot more simmeringly angry and resentful than he is in canon.

7. Take two characters in the story who have never interacted, or the two characters who know each other the least. What would their relationship be like if they knew each other better?

The randomizer gave me Rachel and Ayra, who, as far as I know, don’t know each other and won’t have occasion to meet any time soon. But let’s say that Ayra was visiting Rietta (they’re cousins), and Rietta was occupied with business and shoved the task of showing her cousin a good time onto Rachel. Rachel would be terrified of meeting someone so important (even after knowing Rietta for a while--royalty in general is still daunting) but would try her best to look after Ayra. This would be hard because Ayra is quite self-sufficient and would--consciously or not--make it clear that she doesn’t need a personal hostess. Since neither of the girls are naturally great at first impressions or bonding with people they don’t know well, it would take some time before they could connect. Ayra might see it as a challenge to get Rachel to conduct a conversation with her beyond polite small talk. But they might finally find a common interest and would afterward get along well. They would appreciate each other’s sense of humor, and Ayra’s capable of being a fun companion when she chooses. Rachel would end up having to be Ayra’s impulse control, as she is with Rietta.

[leam1983]

On Grief

This is a long one. You're under no obligation to push further if you don't want to. It's a personal post, so I'll more than understand if this isn't to your tastes. The normally-scheduled pedantry, commentary and memes will resume shortly.

One of my relatives was diagnosed with ALS. What started as an odd case of palsy in her left set of vocal cords that could've been far more benign was just confirmed by her referred physician. It's Lou Gherig's, and with her age and current condition, her prognosis is of three to five years, tops. Sure, Stephen Hawking blew his own prognosis out of the water, but a combination of notoriety and luck enabled him to eke out as much existence as medical tech could've possibly allowed.

We knew things were suspect when my aunt, a marathoner with a monthly sub to Runner's World, stopped running. Her food intake dropped like a stone, and she soon took to increasingly simple painting and drawing styles. At first we thought it was just her wanting to explore simpler rendering techniques, but then...

Then we noticed the twitching. How awkwardly her pens and brushes were set in her hands. She was in great shape and didn't mind living in the ass-end of Sutton, basically in the open country and with a path leading up to her front door that was all in rough cobblestones. She broke a hip against them, last year.

Her speech started to slur, lately. Her last bike trip also landed her in the ER. She doesn't bike anymore. She doesn't run, and being a gourmand by nature, feels obligated to restrain herself, for fear of gaining weight. She's aggressively vegan. Not towards others, but towards herself. No meat, no eggs, nothing. Most of us ovo-lactos and omnivores in the family know her constant snacking meant her seventy-plus body is desperate for energy.

From the look of things, it feels like the diagnosis broke through her bullshit reasoning for being vegan. She wasn't vegan for the sake of limiting her carbon footprint or making more responsible choices at the grocery store, but because she, as a lifelong anorexic, thought she was ugly and needed to lose weight. That's been a constant with her. Age catches up and skin sags? She mistakes it for a love handle, cuts out virtually all sources of protein and carbs safe for tofu, seitan and bean-based preps. Of course, like a lot of anorexics, she'd have bulemic episodes. I used to sleep over at her last bachelor pad, as a teen, and I remember her pantry was loaded up for bear with Danish cookie tins, Nutella jars and whipped cream. I remember she invited me over specifically when she intended to cheat. Then it was back to yoga, pot-smoking, meditation and shopping runs - and she probably kept her purging for when I was gone.

So yeah. I'm betting Belgian Asshole (see one of my previous posts) convinced her to break her vows and went looking for a "slice of authentic Tikka Masala", to quote his email. The entire family is made up of ethnic food diehards, so we spam-flooded his inbox with recommendations. Looks like she'll be eating meat again, soon. Her own email mentioned concerns of strength and stamina, so I get it.

Otherwise? We're gobsmacked. Imagine spending an entire weekday both at work and off work, aggressively goofing off because you're trying as hard as you can not to think of your favourite aunt's mention of assisted suicide as an option.

Three to five years. Maybe one, or two good Christmases. After that, her condition should probably have started to deteriorate quickly.

I'm not close with a ton of my own family. I love them all, but it's more a sense of polite respect than anything involving solid bonds. The only two folks I know I'll be devastated for when they'll die are her, and my youngest cousin on the other side of the family.

I'm mostly okay now. No doubts, no crisis of unbelief, no anger, no rage... But then I'll see her in a more diminished state, one of those days. How am I going to take to it?

Part of me keeps a tally of the deaths in the family. First, it was my uncle on my mother's side. Ruptured abdominal artery, with a leak small enough to pool into the gut's cavity for months. Decay settled in, guy got anesthetized for an intervention...

They didn't even bother sewing him back up.

Second one was my other paternal aunt's new husband. First one was great, but left the country in the seventies to go live in Stockholm with his medical assistant. Second one was a geologist and physicist at the same campus she taught as. French guy, the son of innkeepers four generations down. It showed, too. Our Christmas tables haven't been the same since he left us his recipie books, all his corny jokes on provincial eating habits, and his obstinate focus on turning every 25th of December into a Roman orgy probably befitting of the old Saturnalia traditions. I mean, when's the last time you've had an eight-course meal, outside of Thanksgiving?

Tumors in his mesenteric artery lined the blood vessel's inner walls, deposited virtually everywhere in his body. He was diagnosed in June and dead by August. He'd always been the lanky type, bone-thin even if he hoovered food like he'd never have enough. He looked even thinner in his hospital bed.

Then, my maternal grandpa bit it. Decades of casual alcoholism, cirrhosis more or less jumping on him around his seventy-sixth year. He looked a bit like John Keston, the actor who played Gehn in CyanWorlds' Riven. Same hairline, same hawkish nose, same eyes - just more Cajun and less New England-esque. I don't know if it was youth or stupidity or - anything, really, but I dropped by to see him, just two days before he died. I didn't realize he was tallying my life, asking me if I had everything in order, if things were planned.

Now, I understand.

Next one on the chopping block is Aunt Doris, still on Mom's side. She of the serial mooching, she of the concept of not needing much to get by if you were the cute one of the family. She was pretty enough in her prime, sure - if by pretty you meant "cigarette-butt blonde with a discount Farah Fawcett blow-up and an unfinished High School degree". First husband was an abusive ass who gave her an uncommonly sensitive son, second one figured she'd stick to the minimum-wage circuit while he tore out rotator cuffs or busted his C7 while on his outboard like clockwork. By the end, she roped my grandmother into living with her, spent her days sloppy-drunk and died on her ratty couch while falling asleep and choking on her own vomit.

Before them all, the youngest of my uncles died at age two. Cancer. Never knew which one, was told it didn't matter. You didn't survive much of anything cancerous, back in the late fifties.

Ping-pong this back to three years ago, and my oldest paternal uncle dies. Paul, who smoked like a chimney for most of his life and successfully stopped after discovering Champix. He got to live five great years as the high-IQ oddball he'd always been, smoke-free. Paul was the weird bird in the family, the type to remember a really engrossing story at two in the morning and making a note to call you up first thing in the morning to share it. He always had a project of some sort to work on, like a simulated investors' tank for young entrepreneurs looking to learn the ropes, or a Byzantine arrangement of coaxials allowing four of his lakeside neighbours to pirate his cable sub. He'd invite us over for dinner, gather all the ingredients we'd need for whatever it was he wanted to treat us to - and then he'd let us cook it - just sitting by the sidelines, chatting away.

He was also a bit of a narcoleptic, and looked a bit like William Howard Taft if you'd worked him out of these old sack suits and into modern shirts and suspenders. He fell asleep practically everywhere, with his more wakeful environments being his workshop and his property's dock. He took me out fishing, once, and knew what the entire family expected.

"Oars're here, Gremlin, fish're that way. Wake me up when you've got a bite."

At this point, it wasn't even a point of concern; it was just an Uncle Paul Thing, the exact thing you'd have expected out of this kind, eccentric blob of a man whose idea of fishing involved pushing his hat over his eyes and basically all but ensuring that his roaring snores would scare prey away. He'd been a supposedly high-IQ type, terminally bored with almost everything, only really getting agitated and interested back when I asked him for help for my Junior High Computer class's Javascript calculator. Once the syntax hit something familiar and he realized that JS has some similarities with FORTRAN, he was on a roll, acting like someone had snuck a Red Bull in his coffee.

Well, fibrosis caught up with him. His last hours were spent directing us on how to cook what would've been his last meal. I think he really just wanted to know we were alright, that we still could exchange laughs around the kitchen counter. He clocked out the way he always did, except he had an oxygen tube running under his nose. His head bobbed down, he snored loudly for a few minutes, then turned increasingly quiet...

And that was it.

And now there's Isabelle. The marathoner, my partner-in-crime when it comes to professing to have a healthy diet while occasionally cheating in glorious, weekend-defining means, my gateway to cannabis and also the first person who took my cringy self-insert fanfic fodder and went No, that's worth it! Push it, develop that universe of yours!

I wouldn't be almost two-thirds of the way through my first decent manuscript, if not for her, and I wouldn't be shopping for publishers with the same energy you'd reserve for weekend-grade Facebook putzing-about. I owe her part of my self-acceptance, and part of my discovery of what defines my routine to this day. Isabelle was my first meditation coach.

And in three to five years, she might be gone.

I just thought grief might be... noisier, is all. Louder. Right now, it's just germane to confusion, and it's sitting there. There's a pinch of fear in it, too. My parents are in their mid-sixties. How long do I have left with them?!

And the family and I just covered that up with jokes and, well, cooking. I've been told I'd make a half-decent therapist but - navigating your own emotions is hard work...

I don't know. I guess I needed to put this down somewhere.

[musicallisto]

𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒔

𝑑𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟 𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑓𝑡𝘩: 𝑔𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑎𝑐𝑜𝑛

𝐈𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 outside when someone knocks on the farmhouse door with the force of a thousand storms. Mathilde wishes she could have complained about being awakened in the middle of sleep, but rare are the nights, nowadays, when the constant shaking of her mind leaves her with a wink of sleep.

Mathilde is not fooled. Other women in the village have had the same fate. A uniformed gentleman at the door in the middle of the night, carrying a telegram, bears only one message. Despite her indescribable fatigue, Mathilde already knows the reason for this nightly visit as she opens the door, her belly in full boil.

Remains only one unknown, however; which name, which story, which love will she mourn tonight?

"Mathilde Péchon?" asks the postman with an air of extreme lassitude, as if the widows' pain were only a tasteless production for him.

Mathilde does not trust her voice to introduce herself, nor her legs to keep her upright. She nods. The tiniest bit of pity froths on the soldier's face; the next second, it is gone.

"Émile Péchon - your brother - this morning, near Duisy..."

The mailman's sentences are fragmented as if someone kept dunking her head underwater. She only distinguishes bits and pieces. Great bravery... heroic sacrifice... considerable progress... Hollow hogwash, lies from nasty newspapers, colorful slogans they plaster on posters! What does she care of great bravery, of heroic sacrifice, of considerable progress if they steal Emile from her? Émile, her Émile, her little brother, funny and helpful, kind and sweet Émile, so joyful every day!

"Of course, he will be treated well, Madame, well, as well as we can..."

Mathilde, her throat on fire, seizes the telegram that he holds in his hand, before closing the door on him, almost like in a dream. She does not need him to hear the unspeakable; she simply must read it on a piece of paper, cruel and impersonal.

Treated well? Did he say treated well? The thought fails to make its way through the fog in her head. Trembling, she can't feel herself unsealing the message. Her eyes run over the rain-washed print. Once, twice... a third time?

LTN. ÉMILE PÉCHON 6th ARMY. THROAT BADLY WOUNDED. RECOVERY ND DE VENDREST HOSPITAL. SIX EIGHT WEEKS CONVALESCENCE.

Wounded. Convalescence. Recovery?

A tear wedged itself in the corner of Mathilde's eye before she understood the words of the telegram; she dislodges it, staggering, the shadow of a sigh at the corner of her lips. A devastating wave of freshness envelops all the burns of fear and fatigue of her body, and her muscles relax so swiftly that she gets dizzy. Émile is alive.

The young woman stares for several long seconds at the address to which she must send her future letters, that war hospital, a glorious beacon in the night, where they are keeping her brother. Her determination grows in her like a stormy breath. She has never been so sure of anything in her life. Her doubt has lasted long enough. So Mathilde promises herself that she will not let anything or anyone try to cure her fever.

tagging; @lxncelot @missameliep

««  previous  |   next  »»

[spookypetrine]

Bewitching the Elements: Water

This chapter was a rough one bring so many emotions up for me. I only seems to express my feeling with crying if I am in water. The shower and the pool. I constantly want to float in water in emotional states and it does facilitate a lot of breakdowns for me. I don't show my emotions well or share them with others at all in a verbal way. When my fiancé passed away in 2018 I barely cried after his death. I didn't finally cry until my family took me on vacation to the beach a few months later. I went down to the beach alone to swim and I cried at the beauty of the ocean and the pain in my hear that he had never seen the ocean while he was alive. It was devastating and painful to think about as he was gone never to return and I was still here. I am still here and that healing was painful and still not done. This brought all of that back.

I have rambled long enough lets get into these questions.

What does the element of water represent to me?

To me it represents peace and sadness. It's soft and calming, but also have a secret rage. This is the ocean deep and dark with unexplored crevices that hold secrets of the divine feminine inside each person. The feeling of unabashed rage and a delicate side showing the perfect balance of the womxn. It is a glorious element to behold honestly.

What's my truest emotional nature feel like?

For me as I expressed before my emotional nature is a secret. I locked box that very few get to be privy to because when I was a child those emotions were belittled and pushed aside. As an adult I never learned to process them or control them just hide them. Shrink my feelings and shove them away from others. This also involved a lot of learning to cry quietly and learning how to function when paralyzed with depression. My depression took full effect in high school I was stuck in a cycle of having to function when every part of me wanted to hide from the world. Is this healthy or helpful? No. Does it cause immense problems in my personal life? Yes. Will it cause me to change? I am trying with self-therapy and meditation I am trying so that's something I guess.

What is my soul saying to me right now?

I need to meditate and once I finish this journaling I will probably spend the next few hours doing that and reflecting. I also need to pull some cards for some much needed clarity.

What does my shadow self feel like? Express itself as?

My shadow self is the scared little girl hiding in the closet every time someone knocks on the door. When I was about 2 my mother left my abusive father and we moved into an apartment in town to hide from him. Anytime someone knocked on the apartment door I would scream that it was daddy and try to drag my mother into the closet to hide from him. To this day my mother tells that story fondly as a cute anecdote about my childhood. It's a traumatic story about me trying to hide from my abusive scary father, but yes tell that at family reunions.

My shadow self is that little girl that never gets to be a little girl. That small child that had all of her carefree times stripped from her and was placed in a survival mood so young. My shadow self is her and as I write this I can see her in her Barbie footie pajamas hiding with her teddy bear. That is who she is the hurt child begging her mother to get in the closet to save her. She expresses herself every time I get a new stuffie to sit on my bed with me. Every time I do my make-up in a silly way or paint a picture. These are the moments when she comes out and slowly I am healing us both.

What does it feel like living in the world when I'm connected to my heart?

I know my worth in every scenario even in romantic ones. I don't let people use me as much and I stand my ground when needed. I don't let others abuse my heart and I don't do it either. She needs me to be strong and I am. If that strength ends in us being alone then so be it at least no one can take advantage of me any longer.

What practices can I turn to when I'm feeling overwhelmed, emotional, and like I need help?

Well, I write on here and on my google docs. I meditate or exercise. Watch something that makes me happy or read. Sometimes I watch ASMR videos online and enjoy the happy sounds and sights. These are things that help me destress when I need to.

What are the parts of myself I am still learning to accept and love?

I am a bigger woman and have spent most of my life being too big and too much. I am learning to use that and embrace all that I am and my physical body is. Instead of hating her and the person looking back at me in the mirror, I have to learn to love her and heal her as she needs. She is me and I need to make sure she is taken care of. Right now I am just going through the motions, but eventually, it will become and kneejerk reaction to love myself and build myself up. As needed I will be my own advocate because no one is going to do it for me or see my value if I don't see it for myself.

What are ways I can nurture myself through this?

This is a very new radical path I am on and I have to go it pretty much alone. In this time I just need to remind myself to be conscious that I am trying and be patient as I relearn to love my body and myself. To find beauty in my flaws and hope in my soul I will evolve to love myself despite the world telling me I shouldn't. I will.

[slashyrogue]

Basic Chickens AU: The Beast in the Tower

There is an old saying that goes, 'Don't judge a book by its cover.'

Prince Adam had never heard that saying as he didn't have time for ridiculous things such as books. He spent most of his life going to balls, his parents attempting to groom him for the throne.

As the Prince grew, it became well known in the kingdom that the prince was very handsome but quite impudent in his dealings with common folk. He had also taken to telling guards to clear the streets during his visits in the square, often taking things without properly compensating the shopkeepers.

The behavior was largely ignored as a collective rule.

It was Elias Thanatos's misfortune that he had been part of the collective.

The Thanatos Brothers had moved into Basica only weeks before, having been run out of their last home due to "unpleasant business" according to Gabriel, the youngest of the two.

Gabriel happened to be out of their shop that morning, which was the reason why Elias did not ignore the Prince's behavior like the others.

It was not known precisely what occurred, but several witnesses spoke for days about the Prince being pushed out of the shop with a yelled, "THIEF! THIEF!"

Then the guards came running, grabbing Elias and dragging him off in chains while he continued to yell.

The Prince showed off a rather strange watch all throughout the day after, his comments of the "deformed buffoon who dared to question" him noted and remembered.

After that, no one would go to the shop while Elias was there and informed as such.

So the older brother no longer worked the shop after, seen mucking up stalls and cleaning the stoop outside their home.

When the Prince stopped coming into town the following season, the villagers breathed a sigh of relief for their income. The mothers looking for their sons and daughters to marry the handsome Prince were quite saddened by his sudden disappearance, blaming the strange and deformed Elias for the trouble.

As years of resentment passed, the Thanatos brothers began losing more and more customers in their shop. Gabriel spoke of attempting to sell their wares in the other parts of the kingdom, convincing Elias to stay home and look after the house despite the argument that ensued.

Elias did not like to be alone but he understood. His hatred for the selfish young Prince grew even worse because of this, and if he happened to be in town any overheard mention of Prince Adam would start him on a tirade the likes of which many could not deal with.

A month passed with Gabriel gone, Elias's loneliness growing, and he was largely devastated most of the time.

Until one day he heard glorious news.

Prince Adam was dead.

He had grown horribly ill and died in his sleep, the decree read. The royal couple were in mourning for their son and would be for the foreseeable future until their grieving was over.

Elias could not stop smiling.

~

He stared at Adam with tears in his eyes. “No, no, it can’t be you.”

Adam reached for him and he recoiled, shaking his head.

“Elias, I...I’m sorry for what I did in the past. I did not know you then, did not—“

“You were a monster,” he hissed, “You ruined me and my brother. I...I could’ve loved the Beast despite him being a monster but I cannot love you knowing just how rotten you really are.”

Adam rushed after him and was pushed back so hard he fell to his knees.

“Highness...” Grigg whispered, holding out his hand.

Adam made no move to take it.

“I spent all this time so desperate to be me again....and now that I am I...I have nothing.”

Nigel scoffed. “Let him go, who cares at all for someone so...”

He shook his head, smiling at Nigel as tears rolled down his face. “I do. I care more for him than anyone could for someone and now...I’ve lost him forever.”

The silence he got in response was apt.

Adam didn’t deserve sympathy.

He may have learned to love but he was, at heart, still the monster he had been.

He didn’t deserve Elias.

He didn’t deserve to be happy.

Now that he was him again he would call on his parents and wed Sir Mason. It was the only thing could do.

[lilylovessev]

last chance // snily au

“Oh, shit.” Lily Evans knelt down, fumbling for her keys in the dark, simultaneously knocking on the door. She soon curled her fingers around them, just as the door was flung open by her incredibly irritated best friend.  

“Lily. It’s three in the fucking morning,” Dorcas groaned, pulling her up before helping her into the house. “Quickly, get inside.”

She stumbled inside, kicking off her heels before then immediately making a beeline for the kitchen. “I am so hungry.”

“You’ve got to get a grip of yourself.” Doe followed her, folding her arms as she watched the redhead perch up on the counter-top with a Tupperware box of leftover pasta from the fridge in her hands. “You’re twenty-five. We’re not kids anymore. You can’t be out every night. You’re not backpacking anymore. You’re not on the party islands. You’re very much here. You’ve already lost a job.”

“... for being late, on a few occasions. It’s ridiculous.”

“No, it’s not. You weren’t being anywhere near as productive as you’re capable of being. You fucked that right up, Lil.” As if she needed any further reminding of her mistakes. It was then that the brunette walked over to her, checking her pockets and grabbing her bag from her, pulling out a small vial before then heading over to the sink. 

“Really?” Lily moaned, rolling her eyes. “It’s barely anything.”

“You need to stop that too. It’s totally fucking irresponsible. You have no idea how makes that shit.”

“Look who it is,” Mar groaned, running a hand through her blonde waves as she walked into the kitchen. “Thank you for interrupting my glorious beauty sleep, yet again.” She glanced over as Doe threw the vial into the bin, shaking her head disapprovingly. “I thought that you were over that phase. How are you going to get through an interview tomorrow strung out?”

“Do I look strung out? I’m perfectly fine.” She argued, waving a hand dismissively.

“This is your last chance, Evans.” Doe sighed, “I’m surprised that Dumbledore is even considering you for the post. How did that happen anyway?”

“I don’t know. A flyer advertising the role was handed to me on the way out of my... despatch interview at the Ministry. I suppose it was good timing,” she laughed, but it really wasn’t all that funny. She had never been more humiliated than being fired by the Ministry. She’d put on a brave, couldn’t care less face, but had felt anything but that. She sighed, before downing the pint glass of water in one, before looking between her tired friends. “I’m not going to fuck it up, girls. You know that I need this job.” She was not going to end up back in Cokeworth. 

“Do you? Honestly, everything was going pretty perfectly for you prior to your sudden departure. You had a loving boyfriend, good job prospects... You were making something of yourself. I will never forgive you for giving all of that up. You know that you fucked James up. He was devastated, still is.” Yeah, he was still fucking obsessed with her, despite having had numerous girlfriends. He wanted her back under his thumb. That wasn’t going to happen, not in a million lifetimes.

They didn’t know. They really didn’t know. To them, James Potter was their charming, handsome friend. He was personable, funny, and had a bloody good job. He was respected. To her? He had been abusive, controlling and possessive. A deadly combination, that had quite literally forced her out of the country. That relationship had affected her, deeply so, but she just didn’t talk about it. She didn’t correct her friends, because what was that point? They could believe what they wanted, they’d never see that side of him. She had done everything possible to avoid seeing him since her return, but it was made difficult by living with these girls, whom she loved dearly. 

Perhaps, being at Hogwarts would help relieve that tension. She was more than qualified, given that she’d gotten perfect grades at school and for the year or so prior to leaving and traveling, she’d completed a highly praised research project in the area of Charms for the Ministry. It was just a shame that she’d then... fucked it up with the Ministry upon her return, knowing that they’d had great respect for her initially. She knew that she could do this. That she could impress Albus. She’d put up a facadé during her time with James, before everything had gone to pot. She could feign being brave for now. 

//

It was safe to say that she was nervous.

For starters, she was back at the Ministry. Secondly, she was interviewing to teach. Her? A teacher? Pfft, it seemed ludicrous. It really did. Why was she bothering? Why would he want a party girl on his staff team? Why would he want someone who had done very little growing up since her time at Hogwarts teaching there? How could he trust her? She had been Head Girl. What had happened? It was humiliating, honestly. She could have cried walking back into that place. She supposed that it was easier for him to travel to the Ministry than for her to get to Hogwarts, he probably had other business to take care of there. 

She waited outside of the assigned office, fully aware that she probably wasn’t ready for this. However, she’d try her best. This was a chance. This was a chance to establish herself, properly, and to shed the image that she’d created of herself. 

“Lily?”

She kicked her foot off of the wall, turning to see Professor Dumbledore gesturing for her to enter the room. She nodded, exhaling a deep breath before heading inside.

“It’s been a while, young lady. Sit yourself down.”

She dropped her bag to the floor before sliding down into the chair, immediately folding her hands in her lap.

“Thank you for this opportunity,” she started, looking across at him as he sat down opposite. “You have no idea how much I need this. I never really imagined myself teaching but I am more than willing to give it my best.” She listened as he then gave her a spiel about what the job would entail, that she’d be mentored and expected to also carry out another research project on the side due to her lack of experience. Professor Flitwick, whom she had much admired, was taking a sabbatical for a while which had opened up the position. He then went on to ask her a number of questions, most of which she answered... just about. 

“I’m sorry for my nerves,” she laughed, pushing her hair back behind her ear.

“This is quite unlike the confident girl that walked into my office rather demanding of the Head Girl post,” he remarked with a small smirk. “I’d rather like to see that attitude returned. Perhaps, a year or so back in the folds of Hogwarts will do you some good, away from negative influences.” It was then that she knew that he knew. She didn’t know, but he did. He knew that she spent time with people whom she shouldn’t, that she’d done things that she most definitely shouldn’t have done. Yet, he was giving her a chance, and for that she couldn’t be more grateful.

“Thank you,” she repeated, reaching out to shake his hand. “I’d very much like that.” 

[glenngaylord]

OUTFEST 2020 FILM REVIEWS:  The Rest Of The Fest

As the curtain closes on another Outfest, this one presented under extremely unusual circumstances, I sit in awe of the filmmakers and of the staff who put together not only a great group of films, but managed to creatively bring them to its audience online and at drive-in screenings.  Typically, you find yourself having to choose one film over several others, but with this new format, you have a great chance of seeing everything you want.  In past years, I found myself lucky if I saw 15 films.  This year I saw 23 features and 4 shorts programs out of the 160 on the schedule.  

As it’s impossible to get full reviews submitted for everything while the festival is still chugging along, I wanted to write capsules of the remaining films not covered at TheQueerReview.com .  Please visit the website for all the other reviews I wrote as well as those by my colleagues.

THE OBITUARY OF TUNDE JOHNSON ★★★★★

Melding a Groundhog Day-style concept with police violence against black people, this stunning film could not be more prescient and emotionally overpowering.  A black gay teenager relives his moment of murder over and over again, with slight shifts in the narrative taking us to someplace unexpected and earned.  Director Ali LeRoi directs his first feature as if he’s been doing it all of his life and has interpreted Stanley Kalu’s ingenious script with a great cinematic approach.  Gorgeously framed, beautifully acted, written, and directed, this is one of the most powerful films of 2020.

TWO EYES ★★★★★

I can’t form sentences here so I’m gonna vomit out words:  Instant classic. Glorious. Set over three centuries seamlessly melding a triptych of stories about gender identity.  I’m a blubbering mess.  Fantastic and very funny last line.  Travis Fine is a very gifted filmmaker who screams love child of Terrence Malick and Kelly Reichardt.  Heartbreaking. Inspiring. Unforgettable.  Montana is so beautiful.  Barstow is not.  A perfect film for anyone who wants to find their place in the world. I wouldn’t complain if TUNDE and TWO EYES both received Best Picture Oscar nominations.  

DRAMARAMA  ★★★★

Theater nerds rule in this incredibly endearing, early 90s set film about a group of high schoolers discovering themselves in one night at a ridiculous Murder Mystery-themed party.  Hilarious script, vivid and wonderful performances, and the opposite of a “Coming Out” movie in the best possible way.  Jonathan Wysocki has given us The Breakfast Club for air-kissing, mid-Atlantic accented freaks and geeks. 

CICADA ★★★★

What happens when a traumatized, bisexual man who has more sex partners than any standard montage can contain slows things down to concentrate on one kind but also traumatized young man?  This elliptically told film has a fun, flirty side but carries its heaviness with great ease.  A terrific feature debut for director/writer/editor/lead actor Matthew Fifer. 

THE STRONG ONES (LOS FUERTES) ★★★★

From Chile comes this sexy, moving story of two men at cross purposes who form a beautiful bond.  Set against some stunning scenery and mining the chemistry between its two leads for everything it has, I am half-jokingly calling it Brokeback Andes.  It’s so much more than that trite, hackneyed comparison.  

MONSOON ★★★1/2

Director Hong Khaou’s followup to Lilting sets its sights on modern day Vietnam as Henry Golding’s character visits to find a suitable place to distribute his mother’s ashes.  It’s a terrific mediation on a gay man finding a sense of belonging in a place he’s never been and Golding proves himself to be a subtle, compelling actor.  Perhaps a little too quiet and reflective, the film makes up for what it lacks in narrative drive with its awe-inspiring cinematography and immersive qualities.  

P.S. BURN THIS LETTER PLEASE ★★★★1/2

What an unexpected surprise.  Michael Seligman and Jennifer  Tiexiera’s documentary about a treasure trove of letters dating back to the 1950s brings us into the world of drag queens from almost 70 years ago.  With many of its subjects not only alive but in fine form telling their stories and the dishiest voiceover readings ever to grace a film, I was not only thoroughly entertained, but I didn’t expect to weep like Laura Dern at the end.  Oh, this is so so so so good. 

MINYAN ★★★★

Eric Steel’s feature debut has its own unique tone and a star making performance by Samuel H. Levine, a spitting image of a young Al Pacino/Sylvester Stallone hybrid.  With its 1980s Jewish Brighton Beach backdrop, this powerful yet subtle film about a young man coming to terms with his sexuality as well as his place within his religion, it’s a stunning debut.  Ron Rifkin is stellar as Levine’s charming grandfather and Alex Hurt (William Hurt’s son) has his father’s intensity.  Fantastic, lived-in production design which feels like its decade without resorting to the usual candy colored tropes and a evocative score makes this a memorable experience.  Reminiscent at times of On The Waterfront, this film puts a fresh new spin on a coming of age tale and finds so many moving moments from first sex to an elderly gay couple hiding in plain sight.  A must-see. 

SHIVA BABY ★★★★

Writer/Director Emma Seligman must have studied Rosemary’s Baby quite a bit with this angsty story set mostly at a memorial service.  Rachel Sennott is fantastic as a young lesbian who moves from one cringe-worthy moment to the next in an attempt to avoid as much conflict as possible.  The great supporting cast includes Polly Draper, Fred Melamed, Dianna Agron, Molly Gordon, and Jackie Hoffman, all note perfect.  Less a comedy and more of an emotional horror story, Seligman knows how to make the best of a cramped space and throw up an endless variety of obstacles.  You just want Sennott’s Danielle to get her goddamned bagel with lox and cream cheese, but the fates have something else, something better, in store. 

COWBOYS ★★★★

Steve Zahn gives a career best performance in this moving story of a father with mental health issues and his trans son escaping into the Montana wilderness.  Sasha Knight makes an impressive debut as Zahn’s son and Jillian Bell expertly walks that fine line between villain and empathetic character.  Its comparisons to Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid are not coincidental.  Not perfect by any stretch, it may feel fairly conventional, but it’s tackling a vibrant subject matter.  Extra points for giving Ann Dowd a role where we don’t hiss at her. 

BREAKING FAST ★★★

Solid romcom with a Muslim backdrop, this very tight, deceptively simple script provides just the right amount of sparks between its charming leads, Haaz Sleiman and Michael Cassidy.  While structurally not breaking new ground, the entry point into a world we don’t see enough of on screen coupled with food porn for days makes this a fun, funny, goes down easy delight.

ASK ANY BUDDY ★★★1/2

Q: Daddy!  Daddy!  What were the 70s like down at the Piers in NYC?   A: Oh shut up and watch this movie.  

An experimental collage of vintage gay porn and archival footage from the disco, pre-AIDS heyday gives this film a mesmerizing, museum installation quality.  While technically without a story, you feel like you’ve gone on a journey nonetheless.  Would pair well with William Friedkin’s Cruising. 

DRY WIND ★★★1/2

Slow cinema meets voyeuristic gay porn in this one of a kind Brazilian exploration an arid small town, a workers�� union crisis, and a man obsessed with the Tom Of Finland drawing come to life who motors into his life.  Overlong and a little too obtuse as it goes along, it’s worth watching this Alice In Wonderland takes a quaalude, gets a very hairy back, and has a lot of sex in the dirt. 

NO HARD FEELINGS ★★★★

This year’s Teddy Award Winner at the Berlin Film Festival, Faraz Shariat’s film uses its backdrop of a refugee camp in Germany to tell the story of Iranians and Irani-Germans searching for a better life.  Its three leads bring a spark and youthful energy to a story with devastating undercurrents.  A wrenching glimpse into the emotional effects an oppressive culture has on its people, yet told with a driving pulse. 

LILY TOMLIN: THE FILM BEHIND THE SHOW ★★★

A look behind the scenes as Lily Tomlin and wife Jane Wagner workshop their legendary 1980s Broadway show, The Search For Signs Of Intelligent Life In The Universe.  It’s great to see these two at the top of their game and get a glimpse of their creative process, but this documentary is almost devoid of incident and feels more like a sweet gift to the fans than a fully realized film. 

SHORTS: WHAT A BOY NEEDS ★★★1/2

A mixed bag here of people searching for excitement, I found a couple of gems here nonetheless.  Not to take away from the shorts I don’t mention, I want to single out two exceptional films. Ruben Navarro’s Of Hearts And Castles looks great, has a beautiful vibe, and shows us a lovely connection forming right before our eyes.  Kiko’s Saints proves highly original as we follow a female Japanese artist on assignment in France become obsessed with a gay couple who have a lot of sex on the beach.  Combining animation with fairly explicit sex, I loved seeing the male gaze from a female perspective. 

THE CAPOTE TAPES ★★1/2

I love Truman Capote. I grew up at a time when smart authors found themselves on talk shows and were treated like superstars.  I’ve read his books and always have been in awe of his ability to be himself.  Featuring never-before-heard tapes of Capote’s friends being interviewed by George Plimpton, unfortunately, I don’t think this repetitive documentary gave me anything all that new.  It’s still touching at times and for the uninitiated, this is a great overview of his life, but I was watching the clock. 

OUT LOUD ★★★1/2

A moving look at the Trans Chorus of Los Angeles as they prepare for their first public performance.  With its ticking clock storyline, director Gail Willumsen expertly interweaves storylines of its founder and members.  As such, you really learn what’s a stake and what it means to them.  I was lucky enough to see the chorus perform David Bowie’s Ziggy Stardust a few years ago and basked in the power of its mere existence…and was also ridiculously entertained. 

TWILIGHT’S KISS (SUK SUK)  ★★★1/2

This quiet charmer form Hong Kong shows us something we almost never get to see on film - two elderly gay men meeting and falling in love.  The fact that both have been married to women doesn’t stop them from exploring their feelings.  A little to gentle by half, I still was in awe of this rarity.

[aesthyuckic]

AVENOIR | l.dh - QUINDECIM

(gif not mine - credits to rightful owner)

Genre: High School AU (at beginning) ; Tarot Reader!Witch!Hyuck

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: (bold if in use) slow but with a purpose, belief contradictions (???), mentions of r*pe, blood, swearing, violence, mentions of abuse

Pairings: Lee Donghyuck (Haechan) x Reader (F)

DEATH: end of a cycle, beginnings, change, metamorphosis

The summer months seemed to go as fast as they came. Autumn was approaching rapidly but wasn’t quite there yet. It was the awkward time when it was unbearable hot out while the leaves were starting to fall and turn different shades to show their end for the year. It was exciting to them in all honesty despite the death of the nature around. Autumn arriving meant many things but most importantly it meant the end of them travel the country until next spring.

It also meant Cosimia’s birthday. She’d be turning sixteen later in October, not far off from the adulthood she thought she’d never come to reach. She thought it was the perfect age for some reason... Perhaps it was because she was young enough to continue being irresponsible without consequences like she wanted, but also because she was old enough to be taken seriously by the adults she criticized, privately, too.

She realized now, looking back on her passing childhood years how fast they had actually gone by. Some of them were even very blurry to her when she tried to recall it and realized how much she had taken away in those years as well... She hated it all. The great chunk of her childhood taken from her and especially the fact that adulthood was already sneaking up on her so stealthily...

“Hey, Haechan...” She called you him as she continued to stare out the window at the dull gray that filled the sky that morning as the trailer bumped on the highway. “Did you feel any different when you turned sixteen? Like it was a big deal or anything?”

“I mean, sorta.” He shrugged. “I rushed out to get my license so I got to drive legally for once and it does feel like a shift in perspective I guess. I think you start to realize how the slow years have passed and everything seems to have gone by faster despite how slow it might seem in the moment.”

“Hmm,” She hummed as her chin rested atop her hands.

“Why do you ask?”

“I feel like... something big is suppose to happen? I don’t know when though...”

“Can’t you see if something big is coming, you know, with your ability?”

“Not like that... Remember? One to two things at a time and they’re often vague for me...”

“Can you tell me what you see right now?”

“It’s more of feeling right now... Mostly of immense devastation and the feeling of fresh tears running down your cheeks, that’s it. Me crying is not that uncommon but that feeling, I don’t know.”

“Do you think it’s possible because we’re getting closer to Oregon?”

She turned her head around to look at him and he felt like he shouldn’t have brought it up the way she looked at him with doe like eyes. It’s true, the place she was so desperately looking forward too at the beginning when Johnny had found them was coming up soon. It wasn’t even a day away from them now... She has kind of forgotten about since she’d been so focused on Donghyuck lately. She missed her mother, even if the memory of her was blurry and she knew she was gone physically... There was nothing should could do about that but at least she felt the lingering of her soul around her sometimes...

“Maybe I don’t need to see her deathbed anymore.” She sighed. “I don’t feel like I do, maybe, I’m finally moving on from it.”

“You can always change your mind.” He mumbled as he rubbed her shoulder, lightly.

He noticed lately that the girl didn’t flinch at all anymore whenever he touched her. He could initiate it without a problem now too. As her trust with in him, grew he noticed how clingy she could actually be... There was no longer any room between them when they shared the bed. In fact, he’d often find her arm draped across his torso in the morning. He was still afraid for some reason so it was always feather-like, kind of sweaty and burned due to warmth but she didn’t seem to mind. Though, she still flinched whenever it came to any of the other guys they hung out with during their free time.

Of course there were times she begin to get overwhelmed or tremble and brushed the boy’s hand off of her. He could feel it when the breath hitches in her throat this time. She grabbed it gently, but quickly to take it off her shoulder. She didn’t let go of it, rather she just held it while she continued to look out the window in silence. He just looked at her as rubbed her thumb across his skin. She never looked back at him, just sat there while he stood, hand in hand.

The following morning, Donghyuck was the first one up which was not common. The birds chirped outside and the air ice cold when it hit his skin. He noticed their trailer was no longer moving which must have meant they’ve reached Oregon already. He looked out the window and was able to see the sky shined yellow at the horizon which faded to pink up into purple as the sun rises to push the night elsewhere.

He got out of bed, carefully not to wake up the sleeping girl. He got ready quietly too as she still slept peacefully and he snuck outside without her. He noticed a lot of their co-workers were also up and walking around. He assumed they were already setting up the booths and such for the day ahead of them. It was his turn to return the favor from awhile ago...

He grabbed a quick breakfast before he went to find Lucas who gladly helped cover for Cosimia in setting up their booth that morning. He had become distant friends with the other at that point but he felt rather awkward around him because of how rude and hostile he was at first. The taller had always been the friendly type and he understood where the boy slightly younger than him was coming from so he didn’t care all that much. It didn’t take long to set up either.

Donghyuck, oddly full of enegry that morning despite how little he slept decided to help a few other people with that tents that morning. He realized how easily the time got away from him as the sun began to rise higher and higher in the sky. He went to go grab some breakfast for Cosimia before he returned back to their trailer. Knowing her schedule by heart allowed him to sneak back in right before she woke up and make it seem like he never really left either.

She came out of their room only ten minutes after he walked in. She immediately noticed the plate of food on the counter which was visibly still very warm. She looked to find him on the floor with one of his books and a piece of toast in his mouth as he read. She also came to notice the slightly dark circles under his eyes.

“You didn’t sleep much, did you?” She asked.

“I feel great.” He responded as he munched away on his toast. “So, what’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is you let me sleep and you had to set up the tent all by yourself.” She huffed.

“Lucas eagerly covered for you, okay? I was return the favor from months ago too... Plus you needed the sleep.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I don’t know... I just felt it? Oh, can’t you let me be nice without questioning about it?! And where’s my ‘thank you’ too?!”

She rolled her eyes at what he said but she admitted that a ‘thank you’ was overdue. His face was all red and scrunched up as he tried to focus on the words on the page. She came around to the other side and stood next to him. He didn’t look up at her out of anger. To be honest, her face was red and hot as well in the silence with no acknowledgment. She bent down, putting her hand under his chin as she planted a kiss on his cheek which immediately sent all the red to his cheek.

“Thank you,” She muttered as she let go of him rather, roughly. “But next time wake me up please.”

She didn’t look back at him as she walked into the kitchen and grabbed the breakfast and even the cup of coffee he got for her of the counter. She left to go to the back again rather quietly as she also had a bright red face and slightly trembled. Once he saw her leave from view it took him every fiber of his being not to scream out of the dopamine rush. He had no idea that was about but he did like it, maybe a little too much since he wished she’d do it again.

He was able to calm himself down from the high just a little to get up to go tell the girl something, “I’m gonna go help in the big tent so you know where I am if you happen to need me. Enjoy your breakfast! I’ll see you later!”

He smiled at her, it somehow more big than it usually was and his tone more cheerful when he spoke to her. She nodded at him before he left. A smile appearing on her face after he was gone, a wave of relief washing over her as she settled down too. She did as he said, something very rare and took all the time in the world getting ready for the day ahead of them.

Donghyuck walked outside their trailer, refreshed by the cool air against his buting cheeks as he was finally able to breath properly. He didn’t even look around before he started to jump around like an idiot whispering a few words of encouragement to himself. He knows it was only a kiss on the cheek, but for her, that’s a big deal... He had finally gotten rid of the overexpelling enegry from his body after that but of course not without being caught.

“What was that?” A girl named Lia laughed hysterically when she saw him.

“Yeah, you’re never that energetic around us.” Jeno added.

“Oh, it was nothing,” He shrugged with a smile. “Just an adrenaline rush or something...”

“Whatever you say.” Lia hummed, knowing it was a lie somehow.

They all went to the big tent that was not too far from the trailers. In all the months they had been working there, he’d never been there for anything for some odd reason. He was kind of in awe of how big it was and how glorious it seemed. He was assigned to help with stage check by Johnny. The elder handing him the clipboard made him feel special in all honesty. It definitely felt like a change and everything had seemed different to him, but in a good way that day... He ran off rather happily to go the job he was assigned while big, sparkly eyes full of excitement.

Cosimia had just gotten out of the shower, already dressed in her signature flowy, long skirts and her overall dark clothing back at the trailer. She went straight to making lunches for her and Donghyuck that day. She had already made sandwiches and was cutting the fruit while she hummed, contently. Though, her mood shattered when she felt an overwhelming feeling of dread overcome her in that moment.

The lighting was no longer warm and inviting yellow but a cold and dark gray that seemed to have clouded her judgement. She only had negative thoughts before she completely paused for a moment. She came back with a small gasp and tiny tears already coming down her cheeks. She ran out of the trailer, her adrenaline through the roof as she still had the knife she was cutting with in her hand. She ran unlike she had in the past, this time it was frantic and she felt weightless due to her speed.

It already seem too late when she heard the gunshot go off... The crows around flew off while squawking due to the noise that felt like it hurt her right in the chest. She could hear people screaming from inside the big tent and scrambling around She stopped in her tracks at the sound, gripping the knife tighter. She just wanted to fall down and cry right then. She might have not been there to physically see it but she saw it.

She saw Donghyuck happily smiling as he walked on stage. He stood in the middle of it all, unsuspecting as the person and all black with a ski mask to cover their face slipped in, unnoticed. She saw the way the amethyst necklace he always wore because she made for him shattered into pieces once the bullet had come in contact with it only to pierce right through it, knocking him down, all bloody.

She trudged further, in tears and her knuckles turn white at the grip she had on the knife. A small figure emerged from the tent, in all black and with a gun in hand. They took in their mask, their face glistening with sweat as they took took in deep, heavy breaths. He was stupid, thinking no one else was around but rather in the tent paying attention to the boy he hated so much that he just shot.

“Hey, Ten!” She yelled, impulsive out of anger and sadness.

“I will shot you!” He threatened as he held up the gun in her direction while he shook.

“Like you did Haechan?” She asked, taking steady steps further to him as she seemed to cry harder. “Go ahead, what’s it going to do? Land you more time in jail?”

“How do you know what I did?”

“How the fuck you think, dumbass?!”

She continued to walk further toward him. She held her high to appear fearless. She just felt so heavy in her heart right then... He looked to be frightened by how she came closer with only grieve in her eyes. He had failed the notice the knife at her side that was almost hidden by the skirt she wore. He tried to adjust his gun but failed to do so because of hard he was shaking. He couldn’t shot her if he wanted the guilty was already eating him up and he had a terrible shot.

She came to stand in front of him finally. His gun was aimed at her torso and she quickly grabbed his wrist to move the aim up to her head. The mouth of the gun kissing her forehead. He looked more terrified by this action.

“He never did anything wrong...” She cried, her voice cracking. “I’m the one who was the cause of all the things that upset you... So why did you blame him and not me? Why did you have to hurt him? What good is it?”

He couldn’t find the words to respond to her questions as he looked into teary eyes that sparkled with the most hurt he’d seen from someone... She noticed he was focused on her now more than anything which gave her the opportunity to knock the gun out of his hand and drive the knife she held into his abdomen.

She backed away from him. His hand going toward the handle where her hand had just been. It wouldn’t be wise to take it out. He backed away, the black clothing he wore clearly becoming soaked from his own blood. His hands came to rest near the knife in his abdomen.

“Y-you bitch! You tricked me! You stabbed me!” He gritted before he fainted, the blood still coming out in pools.

She realized what she had done, something that could’ve been avoid, something she was against and something that was purely revenge driven in her mind... With her vision blurry with her own tears, she looked down at her hands seeing they were covered in Ten’s blood from when she did it. Her eyes widened and she started hyperventilating. Her mind was racing to every place it could, she couldn’t see anything that was to come which made her even more panicked. She no idea as to what was next.

Her ears started to ring and that’s all she could hear. Her vision remained blurry even when she wiped away her tears with her sleeves. She was focused on the blood that coated her hands and soon it was the only thing she was able to see. Darkness engulfed her, taking her away from the horrible image in front of her, on her and possibly within her...

[roseprincesskristina]

The Blue Pacifist's Delectable Dessert

((Heya guys. I have to upgrade a previous fanfic I made last year to make it a little more steamy than before. Changed a few sentences since they didn't come out right, fixed the title and such. But now, here's a better revamped version of everyone's favorite Maverick hunting duo enjoying their off duty vacation, or a private "meeting" away from their comrades at Hunter HQ. Before reading, you don't have to read or view this that involves yaoi, especially sexual stuff. However, for those of you who admire boy's love, then feel free to enjoy the fiction with your heart's content. Anywho, hope you guys enjoy reading! 😊✌))

Pairing: X/Zero

Rated: M

Franchise: Megaman X

Daytime at Maverick Hunter HQ, before the maverick crimes have occurred into the middle of the town on Abel City. Humans and Reploids still coexist as one into the similar society without restrictions. At Headquarters, the fearless hunting crusaders X and Zero, dueling against the king of all maverick monstrosity as well as former commander, Sigma. Right now, they are off duty to enjoy their lives together with no further disturbances from anyone. Especially the dual pistol wielding wild child, Axl. 

The brunette is finally working onto the reports in peace, away from the devastating wars, genocide and such, just to clear his mind except one memory to be stored forever. The only person who truly looks up to him more than others and accepts him for who he really is that he cannot live without: Zero. A serious mentor who is no joke and meant business when it comes to criminals. Even blood thirsty irregulars. Elsewhere, he is practicing in the training simulator for a perfect score, no mistakes. Thinking about his partner while training fuels his stamina, speed, strength and mind to increase ten times faster than before, as well as running away from his nightmarish past. Slashing and hacking each and every one of them in one sweep of a broom or feather cleaner. His saber is the vacuum and mavericks are the dust that spread the mess across the carpet. All set and done, this session has been completed. Civilians saved, villains whacked. With nothing better to do, he returns to check on his friend for an “emergency meeting”.

“Yo, X.”

“Oh. Hey Zero. How are you?”

“Meh, training’s alright. But way too easy for yours truly.”

“He he he. As you always say.”

Both of them chuckled during a small conversation. 

“So anyway, X. We’re gonna be attended on a serious meeting this afternoon about something important.”

“OK, Zero. I’ll be there shortly.”

He nodded as the rose red android walked off to his room. With a special plan he has in mind for his shy lover while rubbing his hands together, chuckling evilly.

“He he he he… Oh, I’ll give him a serious meeting alright. A very special one in store he’ll never forget for the rest of his life." 

This afternoon passed, the forest pupil eyed peace lover has been reminded about this "meeting” that his buddy mentioned earlier to participate as he walked over to his room to tell him that it will began shortly. The red blonde is already ahead of him, all prepped for something sexually important. A perfect chance for some fun until the blue hunter begins to knock on his partner’s door, but it was opened automatically.

“Hello? Zero? Are you in here? I’m here to inform you about the starting of today's meeting. Are you ready?”

He went inside to pick him up for the meeting, but then, something around the room has changed quickly. Red all around him, completely established. Candles, roses, and more into a special decoration. Could this be some sort a trick or perhaps anything else?

“Yes, my little soft cupcake~. I’m ready~. And this time, there’s gonna be some changes around here~. We’re having our own private meeting together~. Alone~"

The deep soothing and calm voice was coming from the shadows echoing across the brunette when the door had suddenly closed behind him automatically. Then, a strange long haired silhouette proceeds slowly with one hand placed onto the hip exiting from the bathroom. Closer and closer to him with the pink reddish tongue rotating across his lips.

"Z...Zero?"

“Come over here, my cute little disciple~" Allured the sunshine headed superior with his finger moving, commanding the sea armored buster user to proceed at him. "And let me.......comfort you with my hospitality~"

"Well... Alright then." Responded the blueberry 17th commander, covered by his own shade of blushed scarlet while proceeding towards his hard yet sexy senpai.

It was Zero, who had faked the whole scheme about the serious meeting shtick all along by surprise, roping his arms around his cerulean lover's neck after approaching himself to him.

"So~ How about you, X~? You ready for our occasional meeting alone~? With your one and only senpai~?" Comely said the erotic crimson ex maverick, rubbing his bae's underchin.  

"Uhh… Zero?” Flustered the shy Light bot. 

“Shhhhh~…. No need to speak, little man~” The blond placed his finger onto his young lover’s lips to interrupt his question, placing him politely onto the bed to sit him down. "Just try to relax by taking a seat to forget about those dull reports all day long and enjoy a quality time of watching me perform for you~“ 

"O...OK..." He hardly gulped.

Before the start of this romantic business, the sapphire droid looked towards his lover for a moment. Seeing him in a different outfit. Meaning that he’s not wearing his inner suit underneath his armor, but it shows off half of his body and abs while wearing a sparkling knotted crop top sided with a long dancing dress knotted around his waist, the different kind with a slit design showing the left leg. Detailed with a non see through mask to cover the luscious lips for later, along with the initialed pierced Z shaped gem within his succulent navel. It was very hot for him to wear, so he strips from it to cool down. Golden hair fully tightened into a ponytail to make it doesn't blond his view from gazing towards his pure blue joy.

"Uhh… Uhhh…” The brunette was speechless after witnessing his mentor’s gorgeous abs, blushing nervously like a strawberry.

“Mmm, you like my flawless abs, X~? He he he he~... Then perhaps I might show it off to you, if you like~” He winked flirtatiously at the empathetic B class buster user, starting to do a lustful belly dance slowly for a pleasurable entrainment while moving his manly hips to spice up the entire mood, including his partner in crime. Blowing a kiss while performing to keep the commander of the 17th unit company. As he dances, the unique hips are starting to sway motionly, performing in front of the only person he knows and trust the most. Then, he began to stroke all over his entire body endlessly to throw the mild pleasure upon his partner, moaning in satisfaction.

“Z…Zero..? What is going on?” The bright sapphire shades gun bearer asked, dripping by the sweat of flush.

“He he he he he~ No need to ask such pointless questions, baby blue~ What you really need to do is focus on my delicious hot body, waiting for you to become its victim~.” Winked the previous irregular android, motioning his hands upon his iron well being seductively right in front of X. 

Shaking his harden hips rapidly will shut away the boring stuff from his lover’s mind, wanting him to focus on what’s important, increasing the intensity of his energy. He slowly runs his entire body all over his abs and crotch to create an endless spell upon the shy brunette. To permanently spread around this room including him. Endlessly.

“Succumb to my glorious gem, X~ Try not to flee away from something impossible to resist so easily~” He compelled, pouring more of his charms on his tree bark haired boyfriend. “Obey my hard, ripped, succulent body~”

“Z...Zero…? Have you gone....insane all of a s-!”

Before he could even ended his sentence, the tall motivator in red jammed his lips into his shyly lover's, eating away the dreary worries right out of his body with a seductive force. But slowly while placing the hand onto his partner's cute little crotch.

"M...Mmmmph~?!"

"Mmmmmmmmmmm~"

"Mmmmph~! Mmmmmmmph~!"

"Mmmmmmm~ Mmmmmm~"

A few hours then, after for a longing spell of a smooch given by the upperclass crimson has forced the B class novice to wallow in a pool of desires, no hoping for exits or escape plans as an excuse to leave but to accept this love virus seeping down his core. Replacing the bad memories filled with conflict, into something more clear and important as in "staring at anything beautiful like my best friend" type memory.

"So baby~ What did ya think of my gift~?" He asked with awareness.

"It's beautiful, my master~...." Replied the blue sky themed android, compelled fully despite of the deep slurping kiss. "I will happily cherish your gift by placing my eyes onto you~...."

"Good boy~"

Perfectly hypnotized by the further kiss, the blond seductively dances his way to him with his hips rattling, bending over to make out with his friend’s lips deeply. Taking his hands and placed them on his buffed waists in the middle of dancing as he kisses the young blueberry, who started to caress his boyfriend’s legs non stop in a looping motion.

“Mmm~ I love it when you playfully massage my thighs, X~” He sighed in pleasure while kissing the honorable blue hunter some more. "Oh, your hands are so soft and yet also deliciously warm on my body~ Ohhh~ Unh~ U...Unh~..."

“Mmm…” The muffled moan during the mouth connection has drained the sadness out of the cerulean individual and filled his body with satisfaction. 

Now his true focus is on the one person he knows and trust while circling his arms onto his golden haired lover’s hips. While dancing even more lustfully, he smoothly strokes his body all over once more until suddenly…..

“Oops~! He he he he~ Oh my~.... What an unfortunate accident I’ve done to myself~. Or is it~?” He giggled, pretended that one of his fingers have slipped into his innie of the stomach.

The accident that happened right now is that the former scarlet Wily bot have “accidentally” placed his finger inside his diamond shaped navel. One of the most flawless man cave to ever search into, or perhaps to play with it slow and hard. 

The kind hearted gunner started to blush even darker when he first witness his red bae’s “accidental act” that he did. Almost fainted by chance, but unfortunately not. His pure little heart would began to pump a beat slowly and hastily at the same time. 

“Z….Zero! What in God’s name are you doing?!” Blushed the B Class hunter, covering his nose to prevent the starting of the perverted bleeding. But it’s useless.

“He he he he~ Maybe I should.... play with my cave just to amuse you even more~” Said the A Class mentor with a seductive tone, rubbing his godly pit of the navel with his finger before shoving it inwards by a slow motion.

He does so right away by circling his finger inside the navel slowly before doing something hard and fun. Moaning softly and panting with pleasure and starting swirling his tongue upon his lips has made the peace loving android very love sick. Seeing his lover playing around with his beautiful navel, this is completely new to him. His perfect desire towards his lovable potential boyfriend has launched the rocket up to the stars for a special 4th of July. The blue hunter flustered in red, attempting to resist this dazzling beauty before him, trying to fight off the spell from possessing his mind. However, it is no use to defend himself from it. 

“Mmmmmm~ It’s useless to resist, X~ Especially from my flawless charms~Just surrender to it and worship my treasure tomb~” He sexually compelled the young reploid, playing with his navel some more and licking his lips in sultry with a purr. Wiggling his entire hips to move his tiny tummy hole very closely to the sapphire droid. "Come on, boy~ I know you wanna taste this sweet dessert that you desperately desire~ Or are really you nervous~? He he he he~"

"G...Good God..." He gulped once again, fighting off his own inclination by attempt. Avoiding to break the code of the Maverick Hunters regulation that was promised not to disobey, but the irresistible charms caused by the blonde sword user would place a cage upon him to make it very impossible to ignore or to escape. With no choice but to suffer and witness the "poisonous" beauty before him. 

"Oooooh~ My navel is so hot along with my body~ Don't you agree, my sweet little kohai~?" Flirted the flaming themed slasher, deepening his tasty treasure hole to force his blooming violet to submit. Stretching it wide by two fingers of the other hand should be able to create an irresistible trick to toss it across his face. Exiting the entire tongue right out of his mouth, preparing for a rocking party, running the lips into a slowly yet circular pose. "It feels so good when I pleasure it so passionately~ And yet so freaking hot from all the hard work under the summer evening~ Maybe I should fetch something cool to keep my hard sexy body fully hydrated~" With that said, he immediately swipe the bottle of clear water kept in his mini fridge and opened it by removing the cap. However, the idea in his head was right ahead of him when he started to pour the pure H2O all over his whole anatomy. Chest orbs, stomach, the works in order to ultimately arouse the blushing B Class warrior. And most importantly, his crispy navel until one of the drops have entered within it.  

"Mmmmm~ That's much better~ So refreshing~" He moaned, while being all wet with more liquid splashed upon him. "I'm feeling so filthy when my body is still sweaty~ Guess I should clean myself up because I'm a dirty hunter~" Still moist into the raining drips of clean water, he commenced himself by caressing the crimson armored anatomy all day long. Sided with massaging the chest and crotch. Secondly, the rounded booty. Then last but not least, his treasured innie.

"Ahhh~ I can't stop polishing myself when I'm around you, baby~ Even my flavorable cavern is quite moist too, especially since I punish it~" He groaned in satisfaction, screwing with his irresistible abs and navel rapidly "without" ever to control himself or urges. Arousing his precious little pacifist by getting him to submit.

"Mmmm~ What a naughty little navel I have~ So soggy and yet irresistibly moist~ It even wants me to give a little punishment for being so wet from this cool water~"

"*gasps* M...My goodness... His gorgeous body.... Along with his navel... It's so... sexy.... No...! I must resist from this distraction.... I must..." He hyperventilates. Feeling of his core skipping a beat like a heart due to exercising for raising the blood level. He began to shield his eyes by looking away from the unavoidable charm, however, had almost peered at the handsome sun haired mentor's navel.  

"Mmmmmm~ That's right, baby blue~ What you've seen before you is the most perfect jewel of all~ You see, my navel may be beautiful, but it's kinda dirty for me to clean it up~ If only there's someone with a tender heart that would do me a huge favor, I'll gladly give him a special reward for his hard work~" He roleplayed, staring the attention at the sky colored freedom fighter who is still struggling to battle against his urges. 

The gorgeous red individual takes his other finger to allure the young reploid into a  “comehere” position while the other hand seductively explores his man cave even deeper than ever before. He winked at him sexually along with a chuckle and purred into his earport as he tilted forward. h

"Oh X~" Singly spoken the A Class expert, sex talking towards the kind hearted blaster user by lifting his head gently and whispers in his ear. "Mmmm X~ You're even more handsome in that shy expression on your face, trying to look away from my warm, passionate, unyielding body that I'm gonna give you for being a good boy who obeys his master~ I love that in a reploid~ Which is why it makes my navel REALLY hot by your innocence~...." Licking across the listening port, the young commander of the 17th unit have flustered to the max.

"O...Oh d..d..dear...." He shooked with slight hesitation, trying to backward himself from this cornered "predicament".

"Mmmm, I wanna please you the living crap outta you so bad, boy~ Even to punish you all the way~"

"G...Gulp..." The nervousness effect had already gain this opportunity to take him as well as the body under his control to assist him by force, stretching his eyelids of prevention trying not to fall asleep in the center of the blonde beauty's impossible view of sexual performance grappling around him. On the other hand, the tall mentor in bright burgundy strolled forward to give his "more than a friend" boy toy a very longing purr into his ear port.

“Purrrrrrr~"He said into his lover's hearing port. "Just give yourself up, kid~ Like I said before, it's useless to escape from my powerful charms~ Look into my eyes and be mine~ You have no choice but to surrender my spell~ Look at me, X~ Become my slave~"

"U...Uhhh… I….I…. ” Until then, the endless spell has grasped him tightly at last. Showering all over his mind with both his belly dancing pleasure and some delicious navel punishing to erase away the unwanted views of wars and death. All of it will disappear from existence forever 

“Yes, my senpai… I will focus upon your beautiful domain…” Said the hypnotized brunette, completely paralyzed by his lover’s consensual spell. 

“Mmmm~ Much better~” The blond smiled seeing his lover finally succumbed to the spell as he dances his way to him. Shaking his delectable hips non stop along with the investigation going on inside his navel until he finally reaches towards to the shy reploid. Placing his other hand on his cheek, rubbing in circulation like the one with his bottomless pit on the right and then, he tilted once again towards his ear with a ravishing whisper.

“You’ve been a very good boy, X~ I'm so proud of you for paying attention~" Zero grinned with glad. "For doing such a wonderful job, I think it’s time for you to enjoy your well earned dessert~”

He revoke his finger from the navel, gesturing his lover closely with his other one once more as the sensitive hunter slowly advances towards his stomach, preparing for a taste of his scrumptious treat. With him completely under the desirable spell, he shall gain the honors of inserting his tongue into his mentor’s stomach hole while feeling the groping palm squeezing his tiny blue bottom along a little spanking, wanting his bae belching out a silent moan of enjoyment. Finally enjoying the hot meeting with him alone was the excellent plan. Continuously rubbing his senpai’s hips while licking his prized gem. 

“Unh~ Uhh~ Oh yes~ Yes~ That’s it, my dear kohai~ Embrace my treasure closely as your life depends on it~" Panted the irregular hunting master, teasing his disciple's blueberry ass into a circular fashion.

"As you wish, my handsome senpai~” He muffled while licking non stop, blushing in pink shade due to the soft senses from his instructor's hand.

During the enjoyment of a private yet sensual meeting, both of them began to make out all the way upon the bed while the innocent android rubs the hips of his fellow dancer endlessly, while the pepper colored tutor continuously fingers his cave seductively. After that, he allows the emerald eyed hunter to lick inside of it with his tongue, swirling it around as he moaned passionately and permanently. 

“Oh yes~ Yes~ Mmmm~ Worship my man cave, X~ It needs its nourishment and must be parched immediately~” He panted lustfully of commandment

Yes, my sexy mentor~.... I will polish your flawless pit with all my force~...." Replied the ocean colored apprentice, searching deeper within the body hole by tongue.

"Mmmmm~ Oh God~ Unh~ Unh~ Keep going, baby~ Oh, my body is really boiling hot right now~"

The indigo hunter kept going faster and faster than ever while the blond wraps his arms around his neck, holding it closer for a deeper search as well as nourishment. Both of them moaned back and forth, right, left, up, down, in, out, hot, cold, night, day. Things are getting even more intense yet somewhat pleasurable. This sexual meeting between the two hunters is the best important meeting than any other kind of hobby. The master expert purrs again with lust and enjoyment while his indigo student kept licking his favorable snack/dessert further and further. 

“Oh X…. X…. X…. X…. X…. X…. X….X.... X.... X.... X.... X.... X..... X..... X..... X....X!!!!!!!!!

Several times of the red swordsman humming his lover’s name continuously until something inside him erupts with love juice. Panting even faster like he’s rushing to save someone from jeopardy as the sky painted gun fighter kept enjoying it harder and longer until the meeting has been concluded. All of the bad memories deep within the Class A mentor’s brain are finally replaced and done away with at last, storing a new one to help him remember someone close and trustworthy to him always. Finally, he can obtain the rest that he deserves, hugging his beloved blueberry with descending tears.

"Ahhhhh..... God.... That was extraordinary.... Thanks, babe~" He sighed, huffing with a thrill of sensation warming his frozen heart.

Nightfall arises as the beautiful moonlight appears above the skies, shining through the windows. Both hunters are cuddling each other closely, bodies pressed tightly and arms trapped around them in a loving sensual way.

“Oh Zero… This was the most romantic meeting I’ve ever attended to.” Smiled the innocent peace lover, intrigued by this new experience.

“Heh. Glad you think so, babe~ What’s really inspiring is that you really enjoyed the dessert I gave you~” He said.

“Y…Yeah. It really is delicious~” The brunette blushed as the blond kissed him on the forehead.

And so, both of them lean closer for a soft and deep kiss for an amazing day, hopefully it might get even beautiful next time when it’s nighttime. Saying “I love you” to each other before enjoying the comfort of each other within their bed. This has been the best vacation of their lives. No mavericks nor interruptions whatsoever to spoil their loving bonds. Just the two of them, all alone in this room. The blue monarch and the red hornet.

"I love you, my sexy red dragon~"

"I love you too, my beautiful blue unicorn~"

The End

[doof-doofblog]

"I Thought I Should Pop Something On, Just In Case!"

Monday 15th February 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope your week is going well so far! I know I'm a couple of days behind, but as promised I'll be making a post every day this week to make sure that I'm fully up to date! Part of me is thinking I'm getting a little too invested in EastEnders lately, not that it's a bad thing, but is it weird that I had a dream where I was actually part of the cast and I got to call everyone by their character names and real names? I recall the main two I was more friendly with were Kush (Davood Ghademi) and Whitney (Shona McGarty)! Crazy right?! Ha!

Anyway, there's a lot for me to catch up on so let's jump into Monday's episode. The first thing I'm going to mention is Ash, it's been a while now since we've seen both her and Iqra after they had split up, but it looks as if Ash is finding the break up more difficult that Iqra is. I mean, of course, it was her fault for lying to Iqra for so long so she's bound to feel bad. It appears to either be the day after Valentines Day and Ash is devastated to have spent it alone, as she mopes to her Mum and to Vinny, Suki shows very little sympathy towards her daughter, informing her that she'll quickly move on and forget about Iqra, however Vinny is a little more sympathetic and advises his sister to tell Iqra exactly how she feels. Taking his brother's advice, she decides to make a visit to Iqra after buying her a huge bunch of flowers in an attempt to apologise. Unfortunately, Iqra isn't as forgiving as she was hoping for, regardless of professing her love for her. Iqra makes it perfectly clear that once they once shared as a couple, is now dead, much to Ash's devastation! I have to say though, the one thing I have noticed is that no matter where Ash is, Peter is always lingering like a bad smell! Sorry, but I find it awkward, creepy and pathetic how Peter is kind of chasing after Ash, even though it's been made clear that she is a lesbian! But, I do fear that eventually Ash will fall for Peter's advances ... I don't know about you guys, but I don't really see Peter and Ash being a couple, I really can't picture it! What about you guys?

--

The second thing I'm going to mention is Lucas and Chelsea. Even though he's agreed to transport the drugs to Ibiza for his daughter, he does fear the possibility of getting caught, especially considering the fact that he's meant to be on probation. When he attempts to voice his concerns to Chelsea, she has no sympathy for him and plainly demands that he needs to make sure he doesn't get caught! He tries to explain to her that he's doing the job simply for her, to keep his daughter safe. However Chelsea doesn't seem to care, it's fair to say that he's never really been a proper Dad to her, so why should feel a sense of thanks to him for doing this job for her. She mentions how he never took her on trips to the cinema or spoilt her with popcorn or takeaway food, she states that just because he's willing to take drugs to Ibiza, it doesn't make him Dad of the year! As much as those words hurt him, it looks as if they play on his mind, as later on when she arrives back to Lucas's apartment with information on when the job will be taking place, he notifies her of the lovely food and goodies he's gone to out of his way to make for her. He's really really trying, isn't he? He really wants to make up for lost time and try and be the Dad he's always wanted to be ... It's never too late right? Chelsea acknowledges the efforts he's gone through for her but mentions that it's going to take more than just burger and chips, but as she looks back to the glorious food, a little smile spreads across her face! You guys saw that smile, right?! She definitely smiled! ... So we know Lucas is going to be taking the drugs to Ibiza next month, what are we thinking is going to happen? Will everything go to plan? Or could Lucas get into trouble or even danger?!

--

The next thing I'm going to mention is Max and The Carter's. After finding out the truth from Jack about the real reason why Linda decided to stay with Mick, Max seems to have completely done a U-turn! He spots Linda waiting outside the Minute Mart and takes his opportunity to approach her civilly. Without giving too much away that he knows the truth, he acknowledges that there's no hard feelings between them and that he completely understands her decision to stay with her husband. Linda seems thankful and grateful for him being understanding, but something tells me that when she finds out why, she's not going to be happy! Surprisingly, Max even greets Mick as he walks out of the shop, but of course Mick still holds some kind of hatred towards him so completely ignores the man and walks away. As Linda follows her husband, Max watches them walk away into the distance. Jack notices his brother interacting with Linda and voices his concerns on what he might've said, but Max reassures him that he never said anything, but the one thing he does mention is that he claims it's obvious that Linda still wants him and she's only with Mick out of sympathy! Unless Max is desperate for the woman he's fallen in love with, I really don't see how he is able to convince himself that Linda still wants him. Mick and Linda, Linda and Mick - they fit together like a hand and glove - even though they've had many ups and downs, I truly think that they are going to be a couple which EastEnders will never break apart. They belong together, I'm sure the majority of you must agree?

As the Carter's get back to their apartment, Mick comes to realise that every time he sees Max on the Square, the thought of him being with his wife intimately is going to haunt him, he admits to Linda that the only way they'll be able to move forward is if they sit down and she tells him everything that happened between them. Of course Linda feels that this might make things worse, does her husband really want to know the details of her infidelity? But Mick seems more than willing to just sit and listen to what she has to say, Linda stresses the fact that it wasn't Mick's fault, but she explains that whilst Mick was struggling with his past and wasn't talking to anyone, she felt like she was being pushed away, almost as if he didn't want her anymore. She states that she got pushed away so close to the edge that she very much wanted to have a drink, and Max was there to stop her from taking that drink she so desperately wanted. She claims that it was just a friendship to begin with, but each time she tried to get close to her husband, he wouldn't open up or lash out at her and she ended up falling into Max's arms, just because she wanted to feel wanted, loved. I actually found this moment quite upsetting but yet really touching, they come to the conclusion that all the really want now is each other, Mick wants his "L" back and Linda wants her "Mick" back just as they used to be. Meanwhile, as they are having this heart-to-heart, Max appears to rummaging through all sorts of files and documents, desperate to find something. What an Earth could he be looking for? Eventually when he sits down to his laptop he finds a document on Phil ... What on Earth does he want with Phil?! I'm sure guys know already, but I'm finding it a bit intriguing. We know he's desperately wanting Linda back, but what has that got to do with Phil?! I'm looking forward to finding out!

--

The final thing I'm going to talk about is Sharon and Phil! After everything they've been through, regarding Dennis and Ian, Phil and Sharon are trying to move forward and put everything behind them. It's fair to say that they both share a love for a young boy who sadly lost his life, Dennis seems to have been the main thing which has brought them back together. They had agreed to go for a meal that evening, even though Ben overhears their discussion of their plans and feels the need to voice his concern to his Dad, warning him that she'll only be after his money! But Phil being Phil, he tells his son not to worry and let him worry about his own concerns, he knows whether Sharon will be legit or not. Regardless of his Dad's warning, Ben seems to worry that after everything Sharon has put his Dad through, she simply isn't good enough for him! As Phil heads off to meet Sharon at the restaurant, he can't help but notice she's being chatted up by a young male - as he watches them from a distance, as much as Sharon is laughing along and the interaction being quite innocent, it looks as if he can't get past the fact that it reminds him too much of her and Keanu. I mean, it's understandable, right? 

He decides to head off back to the Arches, leaving Sharon to wait in the restaurant alone. However as he makes his way back to the building, Kat catches up with him, acknowledging that he had a promised her a decent car earlier in the day to help her get to her cleaning job, but the one he left simply isn't good enough. Being typical Kat, she mentions that she wants a refund, but of course in brilliant Kat-like way, she pushes up her breasts and pouts her lips. As Sharon realises she has been stood up, she takes it upon herself to track down Phil, eventually finding him in the Arches. She bangs loudly on the door and he responds by opening the door ever so slightly, enough room for him to peak his head through. Phil apologises that he shouldn't have left her sitting on her own but admits that he couldn't bring himself to have dinner with her, with everything that happened after Keanu, he still doesn't feel he can go back there with her. Regardless of that, he's still going to make sure the Vic will remain in her name, that is what he has promised her and mentions that he will not break that promise! As much as she appreciates his promise, when she slowly walks away from the Arches we see a small tear fall down her cheek, maybe she really did want things to work out with Phil after all? Only, without her knowledge, as Phil closes the door and looks back into the building, Kat makes herself known as she reveals herself wearing mechanic overalls with just her underwear underneath!

Now, Phil and Kat is a intimate pairing that I never thought I'd see! Is it really just a one-off? A random romp? A one night stand? Or is this going to be the beginning of a new romance? What do you guys think? How will Sharon react when she learns that Phil has slept with Kat? Will it be something that Phil or even Kat live to regret? Who knows? It's a very interesting and surprising ending to an episode, I have to be honest! I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next! Thank you all for reading! I'll be back again tomorrow following Tuesday's episode, and then I should be completely up to date! Enjoy the rest of your day folks! Love you all xXx

[feminist-propaganda]

Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of  Queen’s Gambit - Episode 2

Episode 1, which I wrote about yesterday, was called Openings. It walks the viewer through Beth’s childhood trauma. The violent car crash she survives, and her entrance at an Orphanage where she discovers tranquilizers and the Chess Board.

In the first episode, Beth connects with her mother through fashion, which manifests in embroidery, that her young mind associates with the chessboard.

Yes, in the first episode, we see young Beth using tranquilizers to cope with the pain her mother’s passing has caused her. But Beth didn’t learn substance abuse from her mother. In fact, we never see her mother using mind altering substances through out the series. That is something Beth learns from mainstream society, symbolized by the orphanage, and later the Wheatley household.

Lesson 2 : Dissociate. Sometimes.

At the beginning of Episode 2, we watch as Beth gets adopted by the Wheatleys. The viewer is uneasy during the first couple of minutes. We observe nervously as Mr Wheatley stares at her in the mirror of the car. Afraid that he might try to sexually assault her once she is in his home. We relax as we watch the car park in front of a nice house in the suburbs of Lexington. For a glorious minute, we think that Beth is saved. She has a beautiful roof over her head, a mother and a father, a new high school.

The Wheatleys have the perfect house in the suburbs, a richly decorated interior, a piano. But quickly Beth comes to observe that Mr Wheatley detests being around his wife, that he disapears ever so frequently to other cities. And that most of all, he exercises a power over Alma that seems stronger than the laws of Nature.

We see that whenever Alma begins to discuss a topic he is not interested in, he clears his throat and she immediately turns to more unsignificant, meaningless chit chat. As he disapears into the black hole of his “business trips”, we understand that adopting Beth was merely an exit strategy for Mr Wheatley. He wants to give his wife a companion before checking out. He wants to leave her and can’t stand the marriage, but he doesn’t want to feel guilty about it. 

We discover that Alma has an addiction to alcohol and cigarettes. That her doctor prescribes the same tranquilizers that Beth used in the orphanage. And that she washes away her brain with these substances day in and day out. it is difficult to watch Alma stare at the television as she works through a six pack, or lay in bed all day with a terrible hangover, only to blame it on a “virus”.

In this episode, which might as well have been called the “Feminine Mystique” we explore the topic of women’s existential crisis in the 50s and the advent of second wave feminism. Alma discovers that adopting Beth does not solve all of her problems, that she still feels miserable. That “the problem with no name” as Betty Friedan called it, is still very much present in her life. So what is it? Why does she need to drink? What is she trying to numb?

It is no secret that during the Second War World, women were called upon by the Western governments to join the workforce. 

They worked in factories, offices, telephone centers and kept the economy going as their husbands, sons and brothers were sent to fight Hitler’s Germany. During this period; women proved that they could get the job done. And when their husbands came back from the front, a massive intellectual movement was launched. The purpose of this new mouvement was to send women back home. Betty Friedan, (who is clearly Beth’s namesake) theorized this in her 1963 best seller : the Feminine Mystique. 

She explains how College Professors, Journalists and General Practicians all flocked together to create a new narrative. In the 15 years between 1945 and 1960 the mouvement was so strong that American women were getting married at younger ages than in the third world. They were getting pregnant before high school graduation. And the few that went to college dropped out as soon as they could get a ring on their finger.

A smear campaign was launched to discredit the “feminists” that had “gone too far”. They were trying to “be men” and they had only managed to become bitter, ugly, spinsters. This message was repeated over and over again, in the magazines and TV shows. Women were caged in their homes, bored to death and miserable. They went to therapy where they were diagnosed with “penis envy” and sent home with tranquilizers. 

To paraphrase the great Nigerian feminist novelist Chimamanda Bgozi Adichie, women were being raised to aspire to marriage which is all fine and dandy until they realized that men were not being raised to aspire to marriage. Not at all. They were raised to pursue exciting adventures, to challenge their great minds, to adopt a hobby and become the best at it. They came home to depressed wives, that had little to contribute to the partnership. The men, like Mr Wheatley,  were uncomfortable, it was unbearable for them to be married to such souless creatures. 

So the business trip was invented! 

What is remarquable about Betty’s account of what it is to be an intellectual woman in the U.S.A. during this period; is that she explains that the previous generation was the exact opposite of this. The mothers of the Bettys were the Alices. Mathematicians. College educated women. They had fought in what is now dubbed the first wave of feminism. Obtained the right to go to school, to have a bank account, to vote. They were the sufragettes. They wore white and relayed each other on the picket fence. They had fought very hard to obtain the right to exit the home, to stop belonging to men, to own property. And now their own daughters were being brain washed to abandon all of these rights and cage themselves. It was devastating to witness such a thing. I believe Alice’s character is named after Alice Paul who obtained the right to vote in 1920.

The first time Beth sees Mr and Mrs Wheatley argue, she sees the way he humiliates his wife. They are seen arguing in the driveway. He is leaving, he holds his briefcase and is about to enter the vehicle. In a couple of sentences, he tells her she’s a terrible driver, that she needs exercise, and belittles her new companion. In his own words: “She doesn’t seem like she has a whole lot to say”. Once Mr Wheatley leaves, Mrs Wheatley takes to the piano and plays a melancholic song beautifully. Beth comes down the stairs and watches. Mrs Wheatley pretends like she isn’t sad her husband left, like she doesn’t sense that he is in fact leaving her. That she doesn’t know that the business trip is a lie. She tells Beth “Please stop gawking you’re making me nervous”. In this scene, when Mrs Wheatley sees Beth coming down from the stairs she says in a fake, sweet voice: “You’re up early, must be all of the excitement due to your first day of school”. 

When she does this, Mrs Whealtey  is actually engaging in something called “The prevention of real talk”. Marco Rogers, who goes by the handle @polotek on Twitter theorized this in a tweet in January 26th. 

He continues

Twitter user @SerenissimaLAz1 chimed in and confirmed that white women were tasked with the Prevention of Real Talk. We see Alma do this several times during the episode. Every time she senses that a conflict might occur, she changes the topic of the conversation; adopts a fake sweet voice and steers the energy away from the issue at stake.

Instead of being honest with Beth about the state of her marriage, her doubts, she makes up a little story in her head. Nothing is wrong. Beth is excited for school. Beth then asks her head on : Where is Mr Wheatley? And Mrs Wheatley tells her that he must travel once more. She makes a sentence that seems to say that she believes him. And adds a snark comment at the end “As he likes to remind me, he puts the roof over our head”.

Thus, Mrs Wheatley summarizes the second wave of feminism. Women in the 50s could not win a single argument with their partners and had to resign every fight because in the end they weren’t the breadwinners. The were “just” the homemakers. 

Beth then tells this new mother of hers that she plays the piano beautifully and Mrs Wheatley tells us that she always dreamed of joining the orchestra, but that she had stage fright. Then she got pregnant.

Beth looks out of the window at the end of the episode. She’s started menstruating. She is atracted to some of her opponents in the chess tournament. She has learned that women that live inside of suburban houses are miserable. As she looks out in the window, and into the quiet driveway, she sees Alice’s face. Alice tells her “Close your eyes”.

These were Alice’s last words before she crashed into the truck, as we have explained. But here, they take on a new meaning. What Alice is telling Beth, is that in life, she will sometimes have to learn to dissociate from the situations she finds herself in.

According to the Better Health Channel:

Dissociation is a mental process of disconnecting from one’s thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity.

The dissociative disorders that need professional treatment include dissociative amnesia, dissociative fugue, depersonalisation disorder and dissociative identity disorder.

Most mental health professionals believe that the underlying cause of dissociative disorders is chronic trauma in childhood.

The episode presents the dissociative process that single mothers follow to cope with the realities of patriarchy. And how, when they do this, they make their chldren, espeacially their daughters, feel anxious. It is scary to think that the female adults are telling you to “close your eyes”. What is it that they don’t want you to see? And how long can they hide it from you? Mrs Wheatley tries to conceal her pain, use a sweet voice and stuff herself with tranquilizers. Alice is brutally honest, tragically self aware. Alice decides to live in a trailer, removed from society. She does not lie to her daughter. She lives in her own truth. But still, she says : Close your eyes. 

To win the tournament, her very first tournament, Beth uses the tranquilizers she stole from Mrs Wheatley. She can’t stand her own emotions, they are too painful. She is too afraid. She remembers the life lessons from Mrs Wheatley (Drink your pain away; be numb, pretend everything is fine, use a sweet voice) and Alice’s lessons (Close your eyes). One could even argue she uses the lessons she learned at the Orphanage, because we see Beth use a snarky comment when she beats Beltik about how he should’ve been on time. 

To beat Beltik, Beth blocked “it” out. In the terms of a psychiatrist : she dissociated. Pretended that she wasn’t under pressure, that no one was watching her, that she wasn’t losing. She ate the pill and mushed over her brain. Then she looked up at the ceiling and saw the pawns, and did what she learned to do at the orphanage. Visualize the board, move the pawns, envision every scenario, find the best move.

Beth rushed to the bathroom and takes the pill. She looks up at the ceiling and there is the chessboard. Finally she can focus on the board, and work her way out of the pickle she’s in. Win the tournament.

She comes back from the bathroom with a weird, relaxed look in her eyes. And she wins. 

Steady cold. And with the money from the tournament she buys more dresses.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Dragon Hunt

As he returned to the main ballroom, Evelyn was missing. His eyes scanned the room for her a while when the phone in his pocket began to ring. He picked it up and saw a message from Norma that startled him.

Dragon. Invasion.

“What?”

“The campus is entering lockdown. There are intruders.” She said in his ears.

Everyone’s phones were ringing with the same message. He turned and looked outside. All the darkened buildings and all the lights on the street were lit to full brightness.

Suddenly, everyone started running around in a panic. Sergey’s heart began to race as he looked for Evelyn and could not find her.

Caesar tried to speak to him but he roughly pushed him away and dashed into the crowd, following them outside.

A dark armed vehicle was waiting. The door in the side slid open and the students rushed to grab black metal automatic weapons.

EVA was shouting in his ear. “As a freshman, you are ordered to the dormitory!”

He tore the earbuds in his ears out and left them on the sidewalk. 

Those devil bastards from Herzog had found him.

Fury and rage as hot as the sun burned inside him. He ran under the lights, eyes and ears alert to any sound or movement. As he approached what appeared to be a church, the doors swung open. He halted, ducking behind a large tree as students started to pour out of the church, heavily armed and looking around, they all hurried away, leaving the door ajar. 

What had made them run?

Suspicious, Sergey dashed inside. Whatever it was they feared, he did not fear it.

The inside of the church was not well lit. Despite all the lights being on, the large space had many dark corners. Perfect for him to hide in. He tucked himself behind a pillar to watch and see what it was that was that had spooked them. 

The sound of footsteps echoed through the space in a slow leisurely rhythm. They stopped in the middle of the aisle. 

Sergey stepped out from behind the pillar and the two faced one another. Sergey realized that in this suit, he might have been mistaken for a parishioner.

He was facing someone in a black combat uniform reminiscent of the gunmen from 20 years ago.

“You’ve come here to die, Herzog scum.” He snarled at him.

In the distance, the rattle of gunshots sent the blood rushing through his veins. The thought of Evelyn meeting the same fate as Katarina galled him.

“Is it true you’re descendant of the White King?” A soft voice asked him in pitch perfect Russian.

He was facing a woman? For someone as tall as him, short stature was not indicative of gender. Now that he looked he could see her slight curves.  “It is true!”

“What is your Soul Skill?”

“I have no idea. But I don’t need a Soul Skill to break you in half.” He cracked his knuckles.

“Don’t you want to see it?” She asked.

Sergey paused. 

“You’re not curious? They’ve lifted the restriction on Soul Skills. You can use it.”

“I might destroy you.” He said, “EVA says the White King is the Strongest. Zihang says, it’s more violent than the Dark King.”

“Yes. But all the other students left. It’s just us.”

This woman was not like the cold brutes at Black Swan Bay who came in shooting at unarmed youngsters. She was half his size but wanted to face him with the power of a dragon.

“How does one use it?” He asked.

“Just focus on the word in your mind. The rest will come naturally now that the restriction is gone.”

“As you wish.”

Sergey closed his eyes and thought back to the vision of the white beast tied to the pillar, the fire descending from the sky.

The rest of the vision took him over, the twisting snakes gathered in his mind and the dull pressure and ache filled his head. As soon as the word formed in his thoughts, the singing vomited out of his mouth. The words of this song he knew since birth. He didn’t have to think about them.

He lifted his head, his hair tossing about his face like the mane of a wild stallion. The shockwave radiated out from him like a silent bomb. the woman ducked, shielding her head with her arms as the pews shattered into splinters and the stained windows disintegrated into fine shards. They floated in the air as though suspended in liquid for a moment and time seemed to slow down.

A secondary wave blasted the shards into a whirlwind with Sergey at the center, pelting his opponent with debris.

It was a glorious release, like waking up and stretching his arms up to a bright and warm morning sun after a long refreshing sleep. The rage and anger he’d been harboring for so long had found its true outlet.

Staring at his opponent, he was surprised that she was still standing. Her clothes weren’t even shredded. “Was this your plan to come here and see my circus trick?”

His voice sounded unnatural in his own ears. Now the paneling of the church walls began peeling off as the field of the cyclone grew wider to allow his opponent to stand in the eye of the storm.

“This is not my plan no. I was planning to fight the other students. But they were ordered away when you came in.” She answered.

He tilted his head in confusion. “You are not from Herzog.”

“No. But I’m afraid we might meet again someday. My job here is done.”

Sergey suddenly felt dizzy and tired. The blood rushed from his head and in so doing all the debris and wreckage he’d created came down with a tremendous crashing and clouds of dust.

He felt a sudden stomach ache and nausea and he doubled over, vomiting red onto the floor of the church. He wiped his face with his arm and it came back bright crimson.

Then he remembered the words he’d learned in class.

There were Soul Skills that could kill the user.

She’d tricked him and left.

He staggered over the debris in the ruined church and stared outside. The college was ablaze he leaned against the door frame, the memories of Black Swan Bay superimposed onto the scene before him. Was he cursed?

A shadow approached him and he stood up, glaring.

A man stood at the front of the door with his hands in his trouser pockets. He had neat white hair, a black suit, and a bright red rose in his pocket. Looking at the way he walked, he assumed his was a young man like him, but when he saw his face under the light, he was elderly, like a grandfather.

“There you are, Sergey!” He said cheerfully.

“Who are you,” he snarled, naturally distrustful of old men.

“Forgive me, my Russian is a little…” He shrugged giving up half way through the sentence. He held up an ID card to him. His name was Anjou and he was the principal of Cassell College.

He took him around the side of the ruined building where the iron fire escape led skyward to the attic. They climbed up the stairs and stood under a large clock and under the clock sat a man in a cowboy hat who smiled at him, sipping a beer.

“You were watching me!” He snarled in Russian.

The man chuckled, made a comment and raised his beer. “Hello, boy.”

Those were the only two words he understood.

The principal opened a large metal case and revealed a huge rifle. He handed it to him. He removed a glass tube from his pocket that was sealed with a cork and showed it to him. Inside was what looked like a blood-colored crystal.

The principal enunciated the words. “Sage Stone.”

He remembered hearing those words in Alchemy class. It was something capable of killing a dragon and was considered a fifth element along with Fire, Wind, Water, and Earth.

The Fifth Element, Spirit, could be wielded by those of the White King’s lineage.

“You understand. Good.” He moved to clasp his hand on Sergey’s shoulder but Sergey caught his hand and pushed it away.

Anjou did not take offense. Instead, he pointed. 

Sergey turned.  There was a strange figure standing on the top of the building. He was shining bright, like a torch, roaring like a lion. All the gunfire he was hearing was being directed at this creature.

“Dragon.” Said Anjou.

Sergey put two and two together. He wanted to hunt this beast. Like how Zihang was hunting Deadpool in Bolivia.

“Shoot him here.” Anjou pointed to the middle of his forehead. “When I give you the signal.”

“Okay.”

Anjou pulled a folding knife from the inner lining of his suit jacket. It looked antique with an elegant copper-inlaid wooden handle. The slightly curved blade had a twisted line pattern.

The principal began to chant, old sacred words that might have seemed unintelligible if they weren’t so familiar. If asked, he could probably recite them by heart.

He crouched like a cat and leaped into the air.

All sound ceased. All movement had slowed to a crawl. With the exception of Anjou and himself, all the world had paused in time. The principal moved faster than should have been possible, landing easily on the lawn of the church, speeding across the grass like a greyhound and climbing the fire escape of the other building towards the dragon on the roof.

“Sergey!”

His voice boomed across the gap. 

Sergey raised the rifle.

He was an accomplished hunter. It was one of his privileges. Hunting in the lifeless tundra was nothing like hunting the US with its overabundance of deer. He would travel days on the trail of an elk, crouch for hours as he waited for it to come close enough. After many days of grueling endurance, he only had one shot to decide whether or not the children would eat or go hungry.

He lifted the scope to his eyes and took aim.

This was the strangest quarry he’d ever hunted. A humanoid figure engulfed in flames, with two demon wings out from his back. He moved slowly, like a bit of seaweed under waves.

The Principal leaped forward and cut the devil in the forehead.

The center of the cut peeled back and a scarlet gold eye burst from the wound, looking about at the world.

Sergey was stunned a moment.

In the next moment, the dragon’s arms were severed.

Such a devastating injury would cause unnecessary suffering. His finger squeezed the trigger. He could see the bullet leave the muzzle and watched it travel with a bit of fascination. 

Time returned to normal. Hot blood burst out from the dragon’s third eye and the dragon screeched, covering his forehead with his wings. He took off from the rooftop and flew away from the buildings.

“Replace with live ammunition! Shoot it down!” The principal commanded.

They weren’t using live ammunition before? He lowered the gun. He then turned back to the man drinking the beer. He smiled at him and gave him a thumbs up.

What game were they playing with him? First, they bait him into using his Soul Skill. Next, they play with pop-guns while leading him to shoot the fatal shot?

Gunfire exploded below him. His heart sank in confusion, fear, and the traumatic recollection that sound evoked.

From the trees of the surrounding woodlands, something akin to a flaming bird rose into the night.  What was that? Another dragon?  The bird stopped, wings spread like a burning cross.

He huffed. Would Zihang believe it if he told him he killed a dragon on his second day?