#the girls are pawns and its sad

[inmydrcams]

Well, maybe fiyero had a point, the wizard indirectly manipulating elphaba to murder morrible and a handful of school girls would be really good for him politically. It takes morrible out of the picture and tells people that the resistance are awful people who murder children

[lotus-pear]

rewatched madoka magica again today bc i fucking hate myself and to absolutely no one’s surprise i went through all five stages of grief in a single evening

[ajearthlinggg]

Fiona Apple is so pretty omfgggg

[ouiouimochi]

Touch-move! Game for two

pairing: gen narumi x reader

genre: slice of life, romance(?), teen narumi

wc: 3k+

warning/s: profanities, manga spoilers for non-readers, no beta we die like (redacted), wonky format yey

note/s: takes place before narumi got recruited into the JAKDF. no mention of kaiju in this part. inspired by something I apparently experienced that I was unaware of until my friend hilariously told me (a better ending ig?)

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Gen Narumi was left on his own once more as his highschool peers chattered amongst themselves in their own groups. He paid them no mind, walking through the bustling hallways and up the stairs leading to the rooftop while absorbed into his handheld console. The male reached for the door handle and turned it, slightly wincing at the amount of light that greeted his face upon opening the entrance to the top of the school.

He strides over to his usual spot only to find it was occupied by a girl that he figured was his senior as indicated by the colored stripe on her uwabaki. She was staring intently at the familiar checkered playing board and its signature pieces

You didn't hear the rooftop door opening, nor did you notice someone walk up to your spot. Very immersed in the game of chess you were playing…

with yourself

Gen was curious as to why this senior of his was playing a game meant for two on her own. He would've thought you were quite the sad sight but he spectated you silently, watching as you moved the chessmen of both sides in turn. He eventually gets engaged as well, impressed at how you move the pieces as if you were placing two chess experts against each other— without having a bias as to which side to win either.

You thought hard about the next move, in a predicament. It was taking you quite a while to decide until a hand smoothly took a piece and carried the ivory knight to a specific coordinate.

You processed the whole setup, in agreement that the action was the best one at the moment. You were delighted, only noticing the person that joined you on the rooftop had crouched on the ground to impose themself in your game.

You allowed your eyes to trail from the unknown person's green-striped uwabaki before settling on the person’s face. He doesn't seem familiar to you, heck you think you'd never be familiar with anyone even in your year level. However, you can't help but think he was pleasant to look at.

“Make your move,” his voice rumbled, snapping you out of your thoughts.

You blink a few times before placing your attention back to the chessboard. You scanned the pieces before making a bold move of threatening the ivory queen. The unnamed boy comfortably settled himself on the side where the white pieces were positioned.

You look up at him as his red eyes surveyed the board. It was intriguing for you to see how focused he seemed to be in the spontaneous game. You may as well be delighted that another person has joined you in your lonely session, he seemed to be good at it too.

Clack.

You snap your attention back to the board before using the ebony bishop to take his pawn. The male raises an eyebrow at the move, making you unknowingly grin.

He scoffs and confidently moves his rook, challenging to take your knight. You lick your lips, excited to have a thrilling chess game with an actual opponent. You moved a pawn, confusing the other player immensely. You two continued to play the game silently, not even a word of introduction to each other.

Narumi stares blankly at the chessboard, gobsmacked at the turn of events. He had realized a few turns in that your actions all had a purpose— the unsuspecting pawn from earlier had upgraded itself into replacing the ebony queen he took from you. The gears in his head going into overdrive, he realizes that no matter what he moves, you'd be able to counter and corner him closer and closer to checkmate. His pride didn't allow him to lose, no it wasn't in his dictionary to lose.

You surprisedly blinked at his decision to move his remaining bishop. You furrowed your eyebrows, staring intensely at the board as if with intent to bore a hole into it.

The boy became impatient, “Move,” he had crossed his arms to tap on his bicep.

“I can't,” your soft-spoken voice echoed, making him realize this was the first time you talked. “It's gonna end in a stalemate no matter which piece I'd touch.”

Narumi gazed at your delicate face before evaluating the game, figuring out that you were right. A dulcet laugh pierced through the silence, sounding like the pleasant tinkling of bells to his ears.

The two-toned haired boy stared at the hand outstretched to him. You introduced yourself.

“Gen Narumi,” he huffed out, tone having no hint of respect meant for someone older than him. You cracked a small smile, not liking the stiff dynamics of this school hierarchy anyways.

The bell rings, signaling the end of your lunch break. You were slightly disappointed, wanting to play an actual match against Narumi. You started neatly fixing up the chessboard.

“Rematch tomorrow, got that?” you gaped at the male’s suggestion, secretly ecstatic that you found yourself a player to go against without judgment or underestimation. He helped you pick up the other pieces to place inside the board.

You nod.

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“No fucking way, I lost again!” Narumi cursed, not believing that someone as great as himself was capable of experiencing losses back-to-back. Although he won a few rounds and got a lot more of stalemates, his pride didn't allow him to have such a bad W/L ratio.

You giggled and sat up proudly, finding it amusing to defeat your…

‘Can we be considered as friends?’

You shook your head at the thought. Poking your tongue out when he accuses you of cheating. You ruffled his already messy two-toned hair, making him glare at you like an angry cat.

“A million years too early to beat me,” you hummed.

“We're the same age, you just skipped a grade,” he argued back, not liking how you were treating him like a kid.

“Fuck this game, I challenge you to a different one!” he exclaimed, tired of losing. He wanted to rub in your face that chess would be the only thing you can have over his head.

He takes out his Nimtemdo Sweetch, positioning the screen to be propped up on a stand. He gave you the blue controller, taking the red for himself. You tilted your head curiously, although video games were not a foreign concept to you, you were not well acquainted with them.

“Don't fucking tell me you've never played any other games,” he raised an eyebrow.

You look at him, a bit offended, “I have, actually! Go, Scrabble, Game of the Generals, and so much more.” You crossed your arms and harrumphed.

“All of which you play alone,” he rebuked, making you blow a raspberry.

“Hey! I play with people sometimes, like the nice elderly at the park…and…” you trail off, unable to keep up the confidence when he continues to stare at you expectantly. You scrunch your eyebrows and pout.

Narumi rolls his red eyes, “Not video games then, fine I'll teach you. It's not satisfying to win against someone who knows little of the game,” he flippantly said. Despite his brash comments, you knew he meant no harm at all. If anything, you found it cute that he was willing to patiently teach you how to play.

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“OI, Why aren't you doing the combo I taught you?? It'd defeat the boss so easily too!” Narumi continued to smash his controller’s buttons as he angrily barked out orders to you. You get irked, focusing on the boss you two decided to fight in co-op.

The male cursed as his character died due to being unable to dodge the monster’s specialized attack, leaving everything up to you.

“Go, go, go! Use your items for fuck’s sake!” he commented, scooching himself close into your space.

“Can you please stop backseating?” you exasperatedly responded, still focused on surviving and ending the fight.

“I wouldn't have to if you had stuck to the plan!”

“Oh my god, my skills were on cooldown to do the combo! The boss was also transitioning to its next phase, stop hounding me!”

Silent falls over as the screen showcases the ending cutscene, indicating a successful boss raid. You smugly look over at him, making him irritated.

“If you just stop being a metaslave, you would've responded easier to unexpected situations.” You tutted at him as though he wasn't the expert in video games among you two.

He growls(I can't AHSHDH I CAN IMAGINE HIM AS A GROWLING CAT), but otherwise stays quiet since you made a point. You made it clear to him during the gaming sessions that you were quite quick on the uptake, soaking in game mechanics like a sponge.

He feels miffed, as your mentor, when he can't help but notice how you were better in certain aspects of gaming than him. Another jab at his pride. However, he couldn't ignore how he's enjoying your presence and skills in different gaming mediums.

“Congrats on winning the judo tournament, by the way,” you caught his attention as he raised his eyebrow in question. You then dangled a small keychain, a trophy with the ‘#1’ engraved on it, in front of his face, urging him to accept it.

Narumi does not know how to react, he had already grown accustomed to not receiving praise or even acknowledgements for his feats. This was quite new, you even gave him a token of congratulations.

His ears burn pink as he accepts the gift. He does not allow himself to be caught lacking so instead of straight out thanking you, he hits you with a

“It's only expected for me to win the tournament,” he smugly huffed out, raising his chin arrogantly while straightening his back to look taller.

You jokingly rolled your eyes, “Confident? Play chess against me, then.” You challenged him.

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You were pleasantly surprised when Gen progressively improved in playing against you, slowly and surely bridging the skill gap between the two of you. He steadily gained more wins over losses recently too.

You furrowed your eyebrows, admittedly having a bit of a hard time. You zoned out for a while but noticed Gen’s lips moving from your peripherals.

Your eyes then lit up, before taking your bishop to check his king. You looked up at the two-toned haired male for his reaction only to be greeted with an intent stare from his carmine orbs. Confused, you tilted your head to one side as he pushed a hand on his forehead to mess up his locks. He muttered something too incomprehensible to reach your ears.

You didn’t dwell too much on it and took a bite out of the school cafeteria’s lunch sandwich he bought for you. It was quite delicious, actually — you could've sworn you've seen the limited promotion for this specific menu item. You shook your head and focused back on the board as he made his move. You smiled, a sign of guaranteed victory.

“Checkmate.”

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It was too cold to chill at your usual spot on the rooftop. You two didn't want to go anywhere filled with busybodies either, so you and your friend agreed to stay at the stairs before the entrance to the roof.

Despite being indoors, you still shivered, covering your arms for a little morsel of warmth. You closed your eyes before you felt a cozy weight drape itself across your back and shoulders. When you opened your eyes, Gen was already settling himself back to his spot. He didn't have his outer coat on anymore, finding that it was what he placed on you.

“Won't you be cold, then?” you asked, concerned for him.

“The cold’s nothing, you're just overreacting.” he rolled his eyes as he leaned backwards, his arms supporting him.

You can't help but smile, wanting to rebuke but decided against it.

“Thank you,” you gratefully said instead, knowing the male doesn't like to outwardly express his true emotions and intentions.

He wasn't making eye contact, instead bringing out the familiar gaming device and setting it up for you to play together.

You remember something and turn to your bag, rummaging through it, pulling out a small but well decorated package. You then extended it towards the two-toned haired male for him to take as he looked at you a bit weirdly.

“And what the fuck’s this for?” he suspiciously asked, eyeing the bag cautiously like a cat.

You rolled your eyes, “Just take it!” you urged. Excitedly anticipating his reaction.

He opens the bag to take out its contents as his eyes widen in surprise before turning to you in disbelief.

“Happy early holidays! Consider it as an early birthday gift as well,” you gave a thumbs up, but he shifted his body away to hide his facial expression.

It might just be from the cold but you can't help but notice how his ears were tinged a little red.

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Spring has arrived with the cherry blossoms blooming and scattering its petals into the wind. The front of the school was filled with a solemn atmosphere of tearful goodbyes among friends and the good memories made on campus. There were also students hounding other students to confess their dearest adoration for their crush and ask for their uniform button. You could've seen people confessing under the romantic blossoms if you squinted.

You sighed at your spot on the rooftop overlooking the front yard on your lonesome. Yet again, you didn’t notice someone sneaking up on you until they plopped themself beside you on the railings. You immediately recognized the messy black and gray mop of hair belonging to your only friend in this school.

“Shouldn't you be down there?” His question pierced the silence.

“I don't want to, to be honest.” you hummed out as he turned his head to look up at you, still resting on his crossed arms on top of the railings. You continued to watch the other students below hugging each other.

You heard a deep sigh before some rustling of clothes as Gen shifted his position to stand. He gets something from his pocket, catching your attention.

“Your hand,” he commanded as you placed your hand palm side up, awaiting what he'd give you. He unceremoniously drops a little accessory on it.

You inspected it, bringing it closer to your eyes. It was a very pretty keychain of an ivory queen chess piece made out of a crystalline material. It glinted beautifully in the sun as some refracted stray lights managed to hit the surface of your face. Gen might as well have had his breath stolen away right there and then, but refused to surrender.

You looked at him and gave him a smile wider than any he'd seen from you. You were quite giddy, more than happy that there was at least one person who was there to make memories with— to make your last year in this school more enjoyable than the previous years.

“Gen,” you called out his name so softly, the boy might have as well allowed his knees to give up on him.

“Thank you so much.”

“Why'd you need to thank me for a small, shitty gift?”

You shook your head.

“No… I mean to thank you for all the memorable lunch breaks of playing chess, of teaching me new games— of just hanging out with my lonely ass…” You spoke, perhaps his vocabulary may have rubbed off on you at some point.

Gen ran his hand through his hair, pushing it upwards as he looked away. He failed to muster up the words he wanted to respond with, being really bad with people for a long time. He didn't want to speak like he usually did, lest you'd burst into tears at his harsh tone even when you spoke with such sincerity.

Your phone rang, interrupting the moment. After picking the device up to your ear, Gen noticed how displeased you were getting each second that passed even if the call only had lasted for around 30 seconds at best. You clicked your tongue in distaste after the call got dropped.

“That's my signal to go,” you turned to your only friend, a bit hesitant. “See you around, I hope?”

He nods his head, waving goodbye when you start to leave. His carmine eyes can only watch as you disappear through the rooftop door.

You arrive at the front where the crowd has significantly dwindled already, only a few stragglers left behind. The sleek black car awaited you beyond the gates of the highschool. You continued making your way towards the vehicle but got stopped when you heard your name being called from behind you.

You rotated to be met with Gen standing tall with his hand on his chest. “Your hand.”

You follow as he placed the small item in your hand, it was a button— more specifically a button from his uniform dress shirt. You look up at him to ask but get interrupted by a beeping horn, reminding you to get in already.

You hesitate again, but end up having to go and leave the two-toned haired male. You get in the car, the vehicle immediately driving off as the damned highschool grew farther and farther from your visuals.

You open your palm and inspect the button. More questions forming rather than answers. It was more of a common tradition for the graduating students to give away their shirt buttons to either friends and admirers in order to symbolize leaving a piece of themselves with these people. However, you cannot forget the crucial detail you noticed when Gen removed his hand from his chest.

The second button, symbolizing the piece closest to the heart, was absent from its spot on his uniform— and it was right there sitting in your hands.

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i was supposed to be working on something else lmao-

will post part 2 someday when brain juice comes back

[arlana-likes-to-write]

You Look Happier

Part 4 of the Family, Pawns, and Sins of the Family

Summary: After every thing you've been though, it's time to move forward. While doing just that you run into a unlikely friend that looks past the scars you bare.

Warning: panic attack, mention of past abuse, suicidal thoughts, fluff, Kamala is a joy and I love her, small scene of a guy grabbing the reader, mention of nightmares, facing past abusers in court.

Word Count: 5.4k

Note: Ignore the fact that I said the next chapter of Second Chance will be posted today, I finished this one shot instead lol. Also, this will probably be the last part of this!

*

Healing was not linear. If this whole experience taught you one thing, it was that. Some days were good. They were great. You smiled and laughed without restraint. Those good days bleed into good weeks. Then, the darkness over your shoulder would rear its ugly head. All your hard work to overcome everything seemed pointless when you couldn’t leave your bed and your moms stayed by your side out of fear you would hurt yourself. There were close calls. The overwhelming urge sometimes became too much. You wanted to feel anything besides their hands on you.

Tonight was the end of a terrible day. You shut down after your therapy appointment. The mid-afternoon nap you took was ruined by a nightmare, and the court called, and they needed you to testify against Principal Cook. It was not your day. Still, you managed to pull yourself out of bed when the Avengers came over for a cookout. You sat at the fire pit with a marshmallow on the end of the stick. The flames engulfed the sticky treat and fell into the fire. Sighing, you blew out the flame and leaned back into the chair. You pulled the blanket to your chin and watched the get-together.

“Hey bug,” Natasha slid next to you. The chair was big enough for you two to sit comfortably without touching it, but you folded it against her. You buried your face in her shoulder and felt her hand draw shapes on your back. “How are you feeling?” Lying was never an option when they asked you this question. They would rather have the brutal, honest truth than a lie. It was a hard thing to overcome in the beginning.

“I’m,” Tired. Sad. Angry. “Struggling.” You sighed.

“Yeah,” Natasha kissed your forehead. “Today was a lot.” You nodded against her.

“Have you heard from the lawyers?” It was Natasha’s turn to sigh and kiss your forehead again.

“Not yet. They are talking with Cook’s defense team and hoping the man will take a plea deal.” You nodded and closed your eyes. The constant motion and her soft humming almost sent you to sleep. “Your mama and I have to go to the tower tomorrow. Is it okay to have your therapy session online?” The other thing was they refused to let you stay home alone on terrible days. It made sense. Through all of this, they wanted you to be safe.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “That’s fine.” There was no need to open your eyes because you knew there was a smile on her face.

“I love you, our firefly.”

“I love you too, mom.”

*

Today was better. Your therapist let you discuss your relationship with Wanda, Natasha, and the twins. It was a breath of fresh air to talk about something positive. The two Avengers were still in their meeting, so you waited for them on the common floor. It was half your fault. You were looking at your phone when a body slammed into you, causing you and your phone to fall to the ground. “Are you okay? Is your phone okay? Do you have a concussion?” You blinked at the girl with long brown hair and bright brown eyes. “Oh my god, I’ve concussed you.” She cried, placing her hands on top of her head.

“I’m not-wait. Who are you?”

“I’m Kamala Khan,” she offered you her hand, which you took to stand up.

“I’m-”

“Oh, I know who you are. Peter won’t stop talking about you. He says, You’re super cool.”

“I’m-” broken. Hurt. Sad. “Okay,” she laughed, and the sound erupted butterflies in your stomach. You noticed you were still holding her hand, and you dropped it suddenly. “Sorry,” you whispered. She smiled, picked up your phone, and looked it over.

“It’s not broken. I would have hated it if I gave you a concussion and broke your phone.” you were surprised by the laugh that you let out. It only made Kamala’s smile grow. “Here you go.”

“You should put your number in it,” a surge of confidence washed through you. Her eyebrows went up. “I mean, you did assault me. I think you owe me,” her mouth opened and closed like a fish. It was cute.

“I see why Peter likes you,” she said, handing you the phone so you could open it, and she quickly put her number on it. “I have to run-”

“Hopefully, not into someone again,” you said with a playful smile. She rolled her eyes.

“But I’ll see you again. Text me so I can have your number, too.” You waved bye as she ran off. Flopping onto the couch, you sent Kamala a simple hello with your name. For some reason, your cheeks were hurting from your smile.

*

You giggled at the funny meme Kamala sent you of Yelena and Kate that she made. You befriended the girl three days ago, and her goal seemed to make you smile. Even after a tough day at therapy, you were welcomed with messages from her that made it better. “Alright, enough,” your phone was ripped away from you. You gasped as you watched Yelena go through your phone. “You’ve been giggling all night. Who are you texting?”

“Mama, tell her to give me my phone back,” Wanda chuckled, standing over the stove to make dinner.

“Give her the phone back, Belova,” the witch laughed. “But I am curious who has got you smiling so much.” Yelena refused to give you the phone.

“First off, you’ve met Kamala,” she handed Wanda your phone. Instead of looking through it like the Black Widow, she returned it to you. “Second, I am going to kill her.” You smiled.

“We ran into each other at the tower,” you texted her, letting her know Yelena saw the memes she made. “Literally,” you mumbled. Every time you thought about how you met your new friend, you laughed. This was amplified when Kamala responded, saying you betrayed her trust.

“Hey,” Yelena snapped her fingers in front of your face. You jumped, not expecting it. “Your mama was talking to you.” The Blonde rolled her eyes and left the kitchen.

“Sorry,” you apologized. “What were you saying?” Wanda smiled with a shake of the head.

“I said dinner is almost ready. Can you go wash up and get your brothers?” You nodded and closed the book you were trying to read, but you were distracted by your phone. “And sweetheart,” you stopped to look at Wanda. “She’s making you smile a lot. Is there more going on?” You felt your body heat up.

“N-no,” you stuttered. “We are just friends,” Wanda smirked. “Mama, we are.”

“Okay, I’m just teasing,” you huffed and walked to your room. You dropped your textbooks and notebooks on your desk. Friends. That was all you and Kamala were. Nothing more. Right?

*

You were nervous as you stood outside Natasha’s home office. You could do this. You could do this. Knocking the door, you heard her voice on the other side telling you to come in. You entered and closed the door. “Hey bug, what -” she stopped mid-question. “Are you okay? You look like you are going to be sick.” Instead of answering, you walked to the front of her desk.

“Can I ask you something?” Natasha nodded, the worry evident on her face. “Can I go to the movies?” The Black Widow blinked at once, twice.

“Jesus, kid, you were about to give me a heart attack,” she let out a shaky breath and placed her hand on her chest for added effect. “Who would you be going with?”

“Uh Kamala,” you played with the fidget ring Yelena gave you after they saved you from Dmitri. “She and a few of her friends are in the city, and they invited me to see Detention Disaster with them.” It was a comedy. You looked at an in-depth review of it, so you knew nothing would trigger you.

“Are you sure? That’s a big step,” you knew what she meant. You rarely went anywhere besides the tower, the park down the street, and your brother’s school. Natasha and Wanda were with you even if you went somewhere outside your comfort zone.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, but you wouldn’t grow or heal if you stayed constant. “But I’d like to try.”

*

“That scene in the cafeteria was so funny,” Bruno said as he walked next to Nakia. “And it was shot so well,” Kamala chuckled and shook her head at her friend.

“Did you enjoy the movie?” She asked you. You were walking behind Bruno and Nakia.

“Yeah, it was funny.” Even after reading the very in-depth review, the movie still managed to make you laugh. Also, the comments Kamala and Bruno made to one another throughout the entire movie added another layer of comedy. They thought they were being quiet. Still, they walked no matter how often Nakia threw popcorn at them. You liked Kamala’s friends, who included you in their group.

“Hey, there is an arcade over here. Do you guys want to go?” Bruno asked. He stopped walking so you could catch up. The arcade was loud and unpredictable. There were too many things to account for.

“It’s up to you,” Kamala said. I can take you back home.” Home was safe and predictable—well, your brothers were not, but they knew your boundaries. But you shook your head.

“An arcade sounds fun,” you said. Today was good, and you wanted to keep hanging out with them. If they wanted to go to an arcade, then you would go no matter how much anxiety swirled in your stomach.

Luckily, it wasn’t busy. A small group of kids was at the basketball game, and some were looking at the prizes through the glass box. You bought a card with your tokens, and Kamala grabbed your hand to show you all her favorite games. You were worried that she thought you were clingy, but she kept a tight hold on you. Playing video games with your brothers helped you with some of the games. You beat Kamala on some of the two-player games.

It was fun, and you pretended you were a normal kid for a split second. No deep trauma that kept you awake at night. No scars that ached when it got cold. You were a kid having fun with her friends.

Until you walked alone as you decided on the next game, you needed a few more tickets and could get a new fidget toy. Suddenly, you felt a body crash against your back, and you stumbled forward. Your first thought of who it was was Kamala. For an Avenger, she was very clumsy. “Hey, watch where the fuck you are going,” you turned around to see a guy; he had to be 18.

“You ran into me,” you said. “You should listen to your advice.” You turned away, but he grabbed your arm and spun you back around. He pushed you against the arcade machine. The corner dug into your lower back, and you let out a pained yelp. Fear washed over you. His mouth was moving, but nothing he said mattered to you. It was happening again. Why? You felt frozen. The way his hands felt on you transported you to Jason, Conner, and Dmitri. Then, a new pair of hands were touching you.

“Hey, Y/n,” the voice said. “You’re safe. I need you to breathe for me.” Your chest felt tight, and it was impossible to get air into your lungs. “What do you need?”

“Hands,” you managed. “Get your hands off of me.” They were removed instantly, and you slid down to the ground, bringing your knees to your chest.

“You know you missed me kicking Bruno’s ass in basketball,” it was Kamala. Kamala was in front of you. “I mean, I was cheating, but don’t tell him that.” You managed a chuckle, which Kamala smiled. “Are you back with me?” You nodded, licking your dry lips. “Bruno and Nakia brought that guy to the manager, and he’s calling the police.” Again, you nodded. “Do you want me to call your parents?”

“No,” you finally spoke. The reality of the situation caught up with you, and embarrassment washed over you. You jumped to your feet. “Shit, sorry that was-”

“Whoa,” Kamala stood up slowly with her hand sup. “It’s okay. You did nothing wrong.” But you did, and if you just walked away from him, none of this would have happened. “No matter what happened, he should have never put his hands on you.” You nodded again. “Come on, let’s go somewhere more private.” She let you go to a small back room used for birthday parties. You were grateful she kept her hands to herself when she opened the door. You slumped in one of the chairs and placed your face in your hands. You heard Kamala sit in front of you. “Are you okay?” She finally asked. You sighed.

“I wanted today to be good and normal,” you said. “But it’s like one step forward and four steps back.”

“Isn’t that the point?” You removed your hands and looked at her. “Healing. Some days are better than others. It’s how it is,” she carefully took your hand, and you allowed her to. “And today was fun. I had fun hanging out with you.”

“I had fun, too,” you admitted. She smiled.

“These things will happen,” she continued. “And that is okay. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. I will be there to help you. If you want me to, at least,” she added quickly. You smiled.

“As long as I don’t scare you off.”

“You could never,” she spoke with so much confidence, and without hesitation, you almost believed her.

Delete Created with Sketch.

Today was a bad day. You had to go down to the courthouse to prepare for your testimony against Principal Cool. He wasn’t there, but you had to relive the whole ordeal. After that, Billy and Tommy begged to get ice cream. However, a man mistook you for someone else and grabbed you by the arm. The cherry on top was Kamala was on a mission with Carol. You missed the way she could make you smile and laugh.

It was past midnight. No matter how many times you tried to go to bed, every horrible thing flashed through your mind. Your phone buzzing caused you to jump, not expecting a phone call. Somehow, just seeing her name made you smile. It felt like your first genuine smile all day. “Hi,” you answered softly.

“Did I wake you up? I am so sorry. I can never figure out what time zone I’m in,” you giggled and rolled onto your back.

“No, I’ve been up. What are you doing calling me?” you asked. “I thought you said it was impossible to find cell service up there.” She was quiet, but you heard shuffling as if she was lying down.

“We usually can’t, but we found some. So Carol is calling Val, Monica is calling her mom, and I’m calling you.” Oh. That was a surprise.

“Why are you calling me?” She had her parents, brother, and her high school friends.

“Because I wanted to silly,” she answered. “Now, why can’t you sleep? Are you okay?”

“I’m,” Kamala knew bits and pieces of what happened to you. You strayed away from the more graphic details. It wasn’t easy to open up to your therapist. “I’m,” you sighed. “I miss you,” you admitted instead. Sometimes, it was easier to change the direction of the conversation.

“Awe, I miss you too,” you heard the smile in her voice. “I’ll be home soon, but you failed to answer my question.” you rolled your eyes.

“I’m tired,” you pushed the calm of your hand to your eye. And you were. You wanted to move past all of this and live a normal life.

“Get some sleep. I-shit. I’m sorry, I have to go. Carol needs me.” You were lucky she couldn’t see you, or she would have seen your frown. “Look, if you need anything, you call me, okay? I may not respond right away, but I’m here.” You nodded.

“Stay safe, superhero.”

“Always.”

*

Soft knocking woke you up. Slowly, you sat up and looked towards the sound. “Kamala,” you whispered. The girl was smiling on the other side of your window. You climbed over to it and opened it. “What are you doing?” She smiled.

“To see you. Can I come in? It’s cold,” you stepped out of the way, and she crawled through the window. It was a little clumsy. Her foot got caught on the window ledge. A small yelp, and she rolled off your bed and onto the floor. You cringed at the sound and were grateful that your room was on the first floor. Soon, your room was filled with laughter.

“Are you okay?” You closed the window. Kamala nodded and rubbed the back of her head.

“My pride took a hit,” you giggled and helped her. “Hi,” she smiled and sat down on your bed.

“What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be in space?”

“Well,” she took off her shoes. “The mission is almost over, and Carol doesn’t need me, so she said I could go home.” You raised her eyebrows at her.

“The last time I checked, this isn’t your house,” she said, looking around the room with a confused expression.

“You know, I thought my room looked a little different. There are not enough Captain Marvel posters,” you rolled your eyes. Besides, Carol may not need me, but you do,” you looked at the ground. Kamala placed her arm around your shoulders. That’s okay, you know that? It’s okay to need people.” You shrugged.

“I don’t want to be a burden,” you whispered. “You are an Avenger. You have more important things to worry about than someone as broken as me.” Kamala removed her arm and forced you to sit more on the bed. You crossed your legs to give her more room. She grabbed your hands.

“You are not broken. You are healing. That is a big difference. Soon, all these scars will heal,” you stared at your connected hands.

“What if whatever they broke inside me can never be fixed?” Kamala was quiet. She moved your hands so your palms were facing up. Her fingers were arms as she traced the lines on your hand.

“Then you learn to live without those parts,” she bite her lip. “When I discovered the true nature of my abilities, the old me was gone. I had to embrace the person I am now. It’s scary, terrifying really, but you have your family to help you,” she squeezes your hands. “You have me.” You looked at her, and she had a soft smile.

“Can you stay the night?” You whispered.

“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere,” you stood up to get some clothes to change into. Once she was ready for bed, you climbed under the covers with her next to you. “For what it’s worth,” she broke the silence. “I think you are pretty great.” You bent your arm to rest your head on your hand. She was lying on her back.

“You think I’m pretty, superhero,” she rolled her eyes and mirrored the way you were laying.

“What if I did?” You raised your eyebrows in question. “I think you are pretty.”

“Oh,” you squeaked and cringed at the nose that escaped. “Scars and all?” You questioned.

“They are kind of badass,” she said. “Makes you all hot with the ladies.” She wiggled her eyebrows. You chuckled and pushed the girl on her shoulder. She fell onto her back.

“You are such a flirt.” You said.

“Just for you, khobsurat,” you titled your head at the foreign word. “It’s Urdu.”

“What does it mean?” You questioned. Kamala faced you.

“Beautiful.”

“I don’t know how to do this,” you admitted. You were never in a normal relationship. Everyone wanted something from you. Everyone tried to hurt you. “I’ve been hurt by so many people that promised not to.” Your biological parents used you to get money. Jason promised to love you. Principal Cook and Coach Griffo were hired to protect students. They all hurt you.

“I can’t promise I won’t mess things up because I’m an idiot,” you smiled. “I can be aggressively passionate, overwhelming, and loud, but I will never hurt you like they hurt you.” You nodded, looking down at the shapes on your blanket. “You don’t believe me.” You wanted to. You tried to jump head first, but you weren’t sure if your heart could handle any more heartbreak. It was already bruised, bandaged, and broken.

“I want to. It’s just-”

“Hard?” Kamala guessed. You nodded. “That’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,” she yawned, covering her mouth. “Sorry, that was rude.”

“Get some sleep. It’s been a long day.” She nodded and closed her eyes.

“Night, khobsurat,” she whispered. Was it weird that you watched her fall asleep? Maybe. But you liked how peaceful she looked. You weren’t sure when the last peaceful night of sleep you had. You were a little jealous. Sighing, you turned to your side and hoped for a nightmare-free sleep.

*

The sound of thundering footsteps woke you up. It was your only warning before your door opened, the force almost falling off the handles. “Breakfast - hey, what are you doing here, Kamala?” You heard the girl behind you groan. Sometime in the middle of the night, you gravitated towards each other. Her arm is secured around your waist. It wasn’t an uncomfortable position. You only allowed your parents and sometimes your brothers to cuddle you.

“Not sleeping,” she mumbled. Her breath caused goosebumps on your skin. That was uncomfortable. Your mind flashed back to every time someone held you down, breathing against your neck. You tensed up. “Hey, are you okay?” You shook your head.

“Mom!” Billy yelled. “Y/n has a friend over that she didn’t ask permission ,and she’s having a panic attack.”

“Billy,” you hissed, but your brother ran off. Kamala removed her arm and created some healthy distance between you and her. You needed some space, not your brother getting Natasha and announcing you were having a panic attack, which you weren’t. Now, the hurried footsteps were from the Black Widow.

“Is she going to kill me?” You heard Kamala whisper as Natasha slowed down. That was a great question you weren’t 100% sure about.

“Kamala, what the hell are you doing here?” She asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be in space?”

“Well, you see, Mrs. Romanoff,” Kamala said slowly. “I requested to leave my mission early because she seemed upset.” Your head whipped around to look at her.

“You told me your mission was almost over, and Carol didn’t need you anyone.” Her eyes widened, frantically looking between you and the Russian.

“I did say that, didn’t I? It was a white lie,” she said. “I knew if I told you the truth, you would make me go back, and you sounded so sad on the phone,” she held up her hands, almost to defend herself. “Carol knows the truth, and she approved it. I couldn’t lie to her,” she pointed to Natasha. “She scares me more than you,” she whispered. Her comment made you laugh, but you were still angry at her even though her heart was in the right place. Natasha scuffed.

“I scare you now. Is that so?” You looked at your mom. Her arms were crossed, and she was leaning against the doorway.

“No, ma’am, Mrs. Black Widow, sir.” You laughed so hard that you snorted, which sent Kamala into a fit of laughter. Natasha had a soft smile on her face.

“Breakfast is ready, girls. Come on,”

“Thanks, Mom,” the Black Widow nodded and walked back towards the direction of the kitchen, not bothering to close the door. Kamala let out a shaky breath and slumped back into the mattress. “I can’t believe you lied to me.” You pinched her side, and the girl yelped.

“It was for a good reason,” you rolled your eyes. “Are you telling me if I told you the truth, you’d let me stay?” There was no good reason you had. “Exactly,” she pinched your side back. “How did you sleep?” She sat up and stretched her arms above her head.

“Good, actually,” your mind was blank; no nightmare woke you up.

“Good,” she climbed out of the bed. “Come on. I’m hungry. Your superhero needs food,” she rubbed her stomach.

“My superhero?” She winked at you.

“I like the sound of that,” she teased and grabbed your hand. You were a little stunned, but you led her to the kitchen, where the rest of your family was. My superhero, you liked the sound of it, too.

*

“I’d like to call Y/n Romanoff-Maximoff as my first witness to the stand,” the prosecutor said your name, and your stomach still dropped. This moment was what you were preparing weeks for. All you had to do was take the stand, tell the truth, and be free. Easy minus facing Principal Cook and the side full of his supporters. But you weren’t alone either. Every Avenger that was not on a mission seemed to be there; even the Bartons made the trip to the city. Still, you felt frozen in your seat. Until you felt a hand on your shoulder squeeze it.

“We are right here, bug,” Natasha whispered. “Eyes on us the entire time.” You nodded and forced yourself to stand up. The prosecutor smiled at you as you passed her and headed for the witness stand. You tried to keep your eyes on your section. Even when the Bible was brought over to you so you could swear the truth and nothing but the truth. But you were curious, so your eyes flickered to his defense team. His lawyer was whispering to him, but Cook was watching you. The man smiled and gave you a little wave. You looked away immediately, eyes scanning your section until you found Kamala. She smiled, and the weight on your chest disappeared. You let out a shaky breath. You could do this. You could do this.

*

“I am so proud of you,” Wanda said for what felt like the 10th time once the trial ended. Her arms were wrapped tightly around you.

“Alright, darling,” Natasha smiled. “Don’t hog her. She’s got other people to thank for coming.” With a sigh, she let you go. You made your way around the large group right outside the courthouse. You thanked everyone for their support and tried to ignore the press taking your picture. Kamala was the last person you went up to. Immediately, you slumped into her arms.

“Hi,” she whispered. “Are you ready to go home?” You nodded against her. She took your hand and led you to your parent’s car. There was no need to say goodbye as everyone was invited to the house for a small party. It was your one request to do after the trial. You wanted everyone close by for a gentle reminder you weren’t alone.

Once again, you found yourself at the fire pit as you watched the party. Kamala sat down next to you and handed you a plate of food. “Are your parents enjoying themselves?” You saw them talking with Natasha and Wanda. They weren’t at the trail; they stayed at the house to set everything up.

“They are. I hope you are ready to hear many stories of when I was a baby,” you smiled and took a bite of your hamburger. “You know Yelena gave me the shovel talk,” your eyes widened. You knew when the Blonde found out you were dating Kamala; it was only a matter of time before the ‘talk’ happened. “It was nothing bad. She did not threaten bodily harm,” you laughed, a little surprised, and sipped your water. “She did make me promise something.”

“Are you going to tell me what that promise was?” Yelena was with the Bartons. Nate was handing on her back with his arms around her neck. She caught you staring and winked at you.

“She told me this has been the happiest she’s seen you,” you looked at the girl next to you. She was looking forward, but you saw her eyes flick to you. It wasn’t the first time you heard that statement. You look happier. Everyone said it in their way. “Is that true? Do you feel happier?” It was a complicated question because there were days you were on cloud nine. Others felt it impossible to move forward. But she made it better.

“Yeah, I am,” you admitted. “So, what promise did you make to her?” She took her free hand in yours.

“Just to keep you happy,” she kissed your cheek. “And you know how much I love making you smile.” You rolled your eyes and felt your body warm up.

“Hey, lovebirds,” you heard Kate yell. “I think you should cool off.” You gasped as the cool water drenched you and Kamala. You ignored Kamala’s laughter and looked at who was responsible: your brother, the Bartons, and Peter.

“Tommy, Billy, I’m going to kill you.”

“Awe, why?” Tommy whined. “It wasn’t just us.” That was true, but you had a free pass to bully them.

“Besides, it was mom’s idea,” your head snapped to look at the Black Widow, who was now with her sister and Laura. She was smirking at you. You narrowed your eyes at her.

“Give me your water gun,” you said to Billy. Your brother looked at you, then Natasha.

“I’ll speak kindly at your funeral, soldier,” he saluted you and handed you the water gun. You placed your now ruined food on Kamala’s plate.

“Khobsurat,” she stood up and grabbed your hand. “Are you sure about this? You have a lot of life to live.”

“Oh my god, guys,” you laughed. “I’ll be fine.” Well, you hopped anyway. Besides, you knew Wanda wouldn’t let anything happen to you. You were secretly her favorite. You pumped the water gun and looked at the Black Widow. She shook her head and mouthed ‘no.’ You winked at her and used your powers to turn invisible. Since the Avengers saved you from Dmitri, you rarely used your powers. Besides the occasional training session Natasha and Wanda put you through. You were grateful for that; what they taught you kept you alive. It felt good to use your powers for fun.

You watched the Black Widow walk over to Wanda and wrap her arms around her waist. She was talking with Maria and Sam. Clever or suicide to use the witch as a shield, but it would not stop you. Carefully, you walked closer to them. “What are you doing, sweetheart?” Wanda asked. Natasha placed her head on her shoulder.

“Can I not love on my beautiful wife?” The witch narrowed her eyes at her.

“Who did you piss off?” You slapped your hand over your mouth to stop the sound of your laughter. Wanda glanced around the yard. “Get off of me.” But Natasha held onto her tighter. “Natalia Alianovna Romanova, I will not be your shield because you messed with our enhanced daughter.” Sam laughed, throwing his head back.

“You got your full government name,” he teased. You are in the dog house.” The Black Widow pouted, but her arms remained locked around Wanda.

‘Don’t even think about it,’ Wanda’s voice echoed in your head. Usually, it would scare you. Now, it was a calming presence when you felt her magic enter your mind.

‘Sorry, mama,’ You appeared behind Natasha and unleashed your water onto her back. Natasha gasped and moved Wanda to take some of it. You stopped immediately but still got her wet. You cringed. “That was not my fault,” you said. The witch sighed.

“I know,” Red Magic took the water gun out of your hands. “Run Romanoff.” The Black Widow’s eyes were filled with fear, and you laughed as she took off towards Tommy, who threw his water gun at her. Yes, you were happier—all thanks to them.

[thelov3lybookworm]

Gone Through Enough (part 3)

Day 3: betrayal

Summary: Fathers betray their children. Children betray their fathers. Its nothing new.

But at least they have each other.

•○●⛦●○•

Word Count: 1223

A/n: a lil tinier, fast paced. but i loved writing it lol, hope you like reading it 🤭

@erisweekofficial

✨ENJOYYY✨

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

The rough hand at Y/n’s waist squeezed at her skin, then started drawing circles as the high lord led her to his bedchambers.

She had no choice but to giggle at whatever he had said, disgust crawling through her veins.

Initially, she had felt betrayed. She had cried herself to sleep the night her parents had discussed their plans on how to execute the perfect assassination, feeling like she was just a pawn.

But she knew her parents would have kept her away from all this if they could, and so the next day she had gone up to them and asked them to give her any job and that he would help them out in any way needed.

Her father had smiled at her, his eyes shining with pride as he explained everything in detail.

And so here she was, batting her eyelashes and begging Beron to hurry up and take her to his room already.

"You know, that first day when you were back and you ran away after our dance, I was very upset by your actions." he whispered, the huskiness in his voice almost enough to hide the dangerous edge in it.

Y/n had already prepared her response.

"I just got so shy. You looked so ravishing, and I never imagined getting a chance to dance with you. And you made me feel so special, it was overwhelming."

"Is that so? Fret not, little mouse. I will teach you how to behave around me from now on."

His eyes shone with lust that disgusted Y/n. And not just lust for her body.

He wanted to control her. It was exhilarating for him.

He leaned close, his hand tightening on her hip, but Y/n danced back, her lips lifting seductively before she twisted on her feet, her feet carrying her towards his bedchambers.

Where Eris would be waiting.

Y/n was disgusted by Beron as he began racing after her, his chuckle sending shivers down her spine. How he could even want to bed someone he had seen grow up was beyond Y/n.

The double doors soon came into view, and Y/n sped up, grasping the handle as soon as it was within reach. She twisted it downwards hastily, then shoved it in.

"Stop making it hard for yourself, mouse. It will only end in punishment. The longer you keep me waiting, the longer I will keep you begging-"

He choked on the last word, and Y/n turned in time to see Beron’s wide eyes before he began sagging forward. She barely had time to jump back, her chest heaving as she watched him fall forward.

Lifting her eyes, she met the burning amber of Eris before he lunged forward, grabbing the dagger he had buried in his father’s back, twisting. The moment he pulled the jewel encrusted dagger, iron hit Y/n’s nose, the rusty scent so pungent it almost made her double over.

She retreated further, bile burning its way up her throat as Beron glared at her, then turned his head to sneer at Eris, his stubble more enhanced under the dancing fire from the hearth.

"Should have killed you when I had the chance." He muttered, the poisoned words a little too loud in the silent room.

Y/n stifled a gasp, her eyes flying to Eris. She had to hold herself back from going and holding his hand, which curled into a fist the moment the words left Beron.

"You should have. Now, see, I became the one whose hands you die at." Eris pouted. "So sad."

"You’ll never be enough. Never good enough for anyone to be loyal to you. It’s only a matter of time before you lie in my place, my body replaced by yours, my blood by yours. You weren’t good enough for the girl to return, what makes you think you’ll be good enough for a whole court-"

Eris had already shoved the dagger into Beron’s throat, his eyes wild as he stared at his father.

He dropped to his knees.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

Eris stared at the blood as it spread, seeping into his pants, the slight sting in his knees from his drop barely noticeable as his father’s words revolved in his mind.

Never be good enough.

Not for the girl.

Neither for the court.

Not for the girl.

Not for the girl to return.

Not enough.

He moved his eyes from the pooling blood to his writhing father, and he watched intently. Forced himself to watch as life left his eyes, Eris’s heart beating in his ears.

He made sure to watch in case he had nightmares in the future. This way, he could at least soothe himself that he had actually killed the old bastard.

He could not hear a single thing over the roaring of the organ, his blood running cold.

Warm bands wrapped around him from behind,jolting him out of his reverie. He lifted his head, turning to meet the gaze of his friend.

Her eyes were filled with tears and a silent apology, though Eris could not fathom what for.

She grabbed his hand, tugging gently. He went without question, numbness spreading through him as he followed her to the hearth.

She pushed him onto the couch.

She settled down next to him, staring into the fire as she fiddled with her fingers.

Finally, after long moments of silence, she parted her lips, licking them.

"I wrote letters."

He blinked, glancing at her before returning his gaze to the fireplace.

"Sounds… great."

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. "I wrote to you Eris."

He turned to her, his heart slowing down. His eyebrows knitted the longer he stared, eyes stinging.

"What do you mean? I never got any…"

A tear rolled out of her left eye, her face crumpling. "Oh, Eris."

She grabbed him by the neck, pulling him into her.

Eris stared at the far wall, watching as the light from the hearth danced.

I wrote letters.

And he had never gotten them. Or maybe someone had made sure he didn’t.

So that he could be isolated, so he could be easily moulded into the perfect heir.

Oh mother, boil me.

She had written to him, for gods knew how long, and he had assumed that she did not care about him anymore. That the only one he loved had thrown him aside, just like everyone else had.

I wrote to you.

And then he let go.

He clutched her back, sobs wracking his body as he buried his face in her neck. She held him back equally fiercely.

He cried just like he had before when he was thirteen, when his father would beat him and Y/n would come to comfort him. He sobbed for the first time in over a century, because alone, he knew even the walls were his enemy.

But with Y/n next to him, he felt like he could conquer the world. Like he could let out every emotion he possibly could and nothing could touch him ever again.

Now that she was with him again, tears and vulnerability was strength instead of weakness. They were no longer the sign of oncoming punishment.

And just like that, the betrayal he had committed against his father meant nothing to Eris.

°•°•°•○🌑○•°•°•°

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[doloresdisparue]

Since I've had some clown in my mentions claiming Nabokovs intent was to present Dolores as equally culpable echoing the good old "but what about her TEEN SEDUCTRESS powers to CONTROL MEN" let's collect some of what Vladimir "Strong Opinions" Nabokov said about the book and Dolly in particular:

"Some simply haven’t read the book or don’t understand it. It is not obscene; it has none of the dirt of many so-called realistic modern novels. “Most critics have failed to stress the pathetic side,” said Mrs. Nabokov. “It’s really a tragic story. Here, in the hands of this maniac is this poor girl—.” “And a very ordinary girl—” Nabokov put in…." (What Hath Lolita Wrought? Ithaca Author Distressed by Some Reactions,” Elmira Telegram, Dec. 14, 1958. )

"In Lolita, who’s the most likable person for you? It’s Lolita. It’s with her that the good reader should become friends. American readers, generally, talk of her as an unbearable kid, but you pity her as you would pity any kid. There’s something touching in her." (“While Lolita Travels Around the World, the Entomologist Nabokov and the Agronomist Robbe-Grillet Exchange Pawns on the Literary Chessboard”), Arts (Paris), October 28–Nov. 3, 1959, 4.) 

"She came entirely out of my imagination. Critics, in general, find her odious; I pity her: an orphan, alone in life with a demanding forty-year-old. When I wrote about her last meeting with Humbert, I cried, like Flaubert at the death of Madame Bovary. “She cries every night, and the critics don’t hear her sobs,” said Mrs. Nabokov." (“Nabokov Without Lolita”, Nouvelles littéraires, Oct. 29, 1959, 1–2.)

"But she’s also a very touching character. Toward the end of the book, the reader and the author pity her, this poor child who has been sacrificed on the altar of motels. It’s very sad." (“The Good Mr. Nabokov: Lolita’s Father Forsakes Nymphets for the Sake of Pushkin and Robbe-Grillet”), L’Express, Nov. 5, 1959, 32–33.)

"Is Lolita amoral? On the contrary. It has a very moral moral: don’t harm children. Now, Humbert does [...] And Lolita, isn’t she a victim and not a little slattern….After all, haven’t I indicated the evil of all this, in giving Lolita a stillborn child?" (“Conversation, Vladimir Nabokov: He Likes Humor, Tennis and Proust. He Hates Communists, Sade, Freud”),  L’Express, Jan. 26, 1961. )

"How, then, do you explain the “Lolita cult”? How do you explain all these girls who move, act, dress, and talk like Lolita? I wouldn’t know. Perhaps it is a result of the way the popular press has distorted my poor Lo. It has come up with something that has absolutely nothing to do with the book or Lolita the character. Lolita is the story of a sad little girl in a very sad world. The “Lolita cult” is something completely different." (“Love Today: How the Author of Lolita Sees It”), L’Europeo, June 23, 1966, 28–33. )

"Humbert Humbert is a vain and cruel wretch who manages to appear “touching.” That epithet, in its true, tear-iridized sense, can only apply to my poor little girl." (Paris Review, The Art of Fiction No. 40, Issue 41, Summer-Fall 1967)

"Lolita isn’t a perverse young girl. She’s a poor child who has been debauched and whose senses never stir under the caresses of the foul Humbert Humbert, whom she asks once, “how long did [he] think we were going to live in stuffy cabins, doing filthy things together…? [...] It is equally interesting to dwell, as journalists say, on the problem of the inept degradation that the character of the nymphet Lolita, whom I invented in 1955, has undergone in the mind of the broad public. Not only has the perversity of this poor child been grotesquely exaggerated, but her physical appearance, her age, everything has been transformed by the illustrations in foreign publications. Girls of eighteen or more, sidewalk kittens, cheap models, or simple long-legged criminals, are baptized “nymphets” or “Lolitas” in news stories in magazines in Italy, France, Germany, etc.; and the covers of translations, Turkish or Arab, reach the height of ineptitude when they feature a young woman with opulent contours and a blond mane imagined by boobies who have never read my book. In reality Lolita is a little girl of twelve, whereas Humbert Humbert is a mature man, and it’s the abyss between his age and that of the little girl that produces the vacuum, the vertigo, the seduction of mortal danger. Secondly, it’s the imagination of the sad satyr that makes a magic creature of this little American schoolgirl, as banal and normal in her way as the poet manqué Humbert is in his. Outside the maniacal gaze of Humbert there is no nymphet. Lolita the nymphet exists only through the obsession that destroys Humbert. Here’s an essential aspect of a unique book that has been betrayed by a factitious popularity." (“Apostrophes: Bernard Pivot Meets Vladimir Nabokov”), live television interview, Antenne-2 (Paris), May 30, 1975.)

And let's close with my blog title:

"Lolita is an indictment of all the things it expresses. It is a pathetic book dealing with the plight of a child, a very ordinary little girl, caught up by a disgusting and cruel man….But of all my books, I like it the best. " (Author of Lolita Scoffs at Furore over His Novel,” Niagara Falls Gazette, Jan. 11, 1959, 10B.)

Thanks for coming to his TED Talk

[alicerosejensen]

Where It All Began

Warning: a little angst, fear for the loss of a partner, caring, open final, fem/reader.

Synopsis: He will always be afraid of losing you and will not forgive himself if something happens to you.

A/N: I don't know what it is. It's just necessary to throw out these emotions somewhere. I like to write such lyrics to sad melodies that make me long for someone who's gone… (I am the queen of drama)

Leon never wanted to let anyone get too close to him. Long-term scars respond with pain and fear that at any moment a zombie will appear behind his back, clutching his shoulder with its jaws, tearing off the flesh, so he was always calmer alone. Perhaps of course not always, before Raccoon City he was less traumatized, even loved the girl with whom he naively thought to spend his life until she left him before leaving, but now Leon thinks that it was for the best. That rookie cop has been gone for a long time. He remained buried under the ashes of the destroyed city.

In his eyes there remains a lost light and not dead nobility. The desire to save every innocent life that is being taken away by corrupt corporations. There are few like Leon, but… he never fully appreciated his life. It wasn't even modesty, he just considers himself an instrument of the government. An ordinary pawn and never denies it.

Love is disgusting and causes pain when the object of your adoration is not around. Leon ignored that dull ache in his chest just like he ignored his feelings for you. He couldn't even figure out exactly when it started with him, you were one of those he saved and who didn't haunt him in nightmares, but you appeared in others and brought fleeting comfort, making him want to feel warmth and affection, You made him be so needy, but when he flirted with you, you only responded to a minor flirtation with your friendship.

Perfect love comes softly

Do you know all these poets beautifully praising a deep light feeling that also becomes a sweet poison that drives you crazy? Beautiful words will come to mind, the heart will want to do things for the sake of a loved one and Leon really wants to hold you in his hands and his heart. At the same time, he is afraid of being tied down, but this feeling grows in him like a branching tree that he gently cherishes looking at you, helping to do some little things.

No matter how much his soul broke into pieces after all the encounters with bioweapons, it was you who arranged it to blossom with renewed vigor with your beautiful inner light.

It was as if your hand was always outstretched for you to take him home, and he could heal all wounds and dispel longing by pressing his head against your rhythmically beating heart.

But Leon is not going to say "I love you." He is so afraid of these words, as if after their utterance there will be another outbreak that will take the lives of thousands of innocent people. He doesn't want to bring you to tears, he doesn't want you to worry about him, and he knows that he has nothing to offer you, so why then does this feeling that you evoke in him so much choke him, causing tears in his eyes when he sees that someone else showing romantic interest in you?

To his angel, who each time leads him out of the darkness to the warm light. For which he is still fighting.

Actually, this guy is cute, he doesn't hurt you, but Leon can't be happy. Only time after time he asks himself why, out of many saved, it is you, an ordinary civilian, who arouse such a feeling in him?

The storm clouds melt with you when you walk with him along the snowy sidewalks with a cup of hot coffee in your hands, discussing some everyday things, and Leon again catches every word, suppressing the desire to take his beloved by the hand, running his thumb over your knuckles. He looks into those lovely tired eyes that shine for him like a monument to the hope of something else worth fighting for. Then these tales of eternal pure love no longer seem so cloying and fictional.

And if something happens to you again, God forbid, he is ready to dig one grave for two.

Some new kind of love and Leon doesn't care at all that your boyfriend looks so enviously at how you dance with him, laughing joyfully, hugging him as a friend. Let someone dare to touch you - he can be rude not only to the bastards of the zombie creator.

Once you told him that despite the monsters living in the world, this world is not bad at all.

"Only you will never be mine in this world,"

Leon did not say it out loud, but clenched his jaw, lowering his gaze. From this thought, the world really became more and more terrible.

You were his angel even though he has big problems with religion.

Paradise could be found in your arms. You were more reliable than any honest words when you stroked his back hugging him in a difficult hour while he was not ashamed of his helplessness squeezed you in his vice. You've never manipulated him. They broke him, beat him, and you healed him. It was possible to be silent with you without feeling awkward. It is when Leon finally breaks down that he finally comes to you because his love poisons him. It hurts even when it becomes difficult for you to breathe and your lungs can't inhale enough oxygen because of this steel grip.

"I've lost so many people, but I can't lose you…" his head was buried in your neck and you could feel warm lips on your skin.

He could have hidden you from everyone, but he didn't let his selfishness get the better of his mind. That's why Leon doesn't want to leave, grabbing your face, staring intently into your eyes, leaning against your forehead. He wants to make tender love to you, forcing you to grab his shoulders, shouting a long "Leon" so that the sheets crumple to hell and your cheeks turn red from the heat while he takes possession of you. he wants more than anything to cover every inch of your body with kisses, grab your hands, interlacing your fingers and tell the stupid guy to get off you.

Leon loves to kiss this nose, although he does it for the first time being afraid of what is happening in it. The world will stop being so disgusting again because there is a house in which there is love….

And yet Leon is afraid. He allows himself an acceptable amount of destroying the fragile edge of friendship by laying you under him, whispering various pleasant epithets promising how you will feel good with him but then… You know yourself that this person is afraid of attachment and in the morning your heart will break into a million pieces when he leaves. Therefore, with tears on your cheeks, your palms are on his chest when you push him away from you, looking away.

"I'm sorry," Leon whispers, holding his hands on your waist when he realizes that this is the end.

You didn't accept his love and it's his fault that salty tears flow down your sweet cheeks that he loved so much. His wounded heart begins to bleed and if you understood this, you would never turn away from him. It wasn't worth destroying this fragile friendship because now that he realized that you don't have feelings for him, everything collapsed like a house of cards. Despite the fact that his soul screams from injustice, Leon does not dare to accuse you, so he calmly lets go of his love, knowing that he will look for a ghostly trace in the beloved place where you most often met.

Every day.

His beautiful love that still burns in his chest. He wanted so much to know the desired happiness with you, but you can't force someone to love, so he leaves, closing the door behind him and not understanding the reason for your tears, because you, just like him, were afraid that your heart would break…

[saintgoths]

ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇʀ ꜱᴇᴄʀᴇᴛꜱ

LEVI ACKERMAN X READER - THE MOON AND HER SECRETS. [AOT AU]

[PART SIX TO THE REALM'S DIAMOND SERIES].

WORD COUNT - 2,413.

RATING - 18+. [slight angst, soft Levi, jealous Levi, m/f sex, riding levi].

[she also has other pairings thus the hashtags but its mainly levi x reader]. comments, liking, following and reblogging would be appreciated!

SUMMARY - levi learns of the blackmail against you and decides to do something about it.

previous chapter - chapter five.

Sometimes you had wondered if you were the most unhappiest girl in the world, destined to fall into society’s chain of what is supposed to be a woman. You had thought your title and connections were to aid you to allow you to be a bohemian, yet alas, men had controlled the world, and you were just a pawn.

Your family had invited the Ackermans to dinner, chiefly, Levi had thought it was best for everyone to get to know each other before the engagement party. You had sat beside Levi, arms low as you had avoided your brother’s look, hands under the table, one had wrapped around your main suitor’s paw, Levi, a keen man had noted the sick look you had attempt to hide, observant, the Ackerman glanced towards his suitress from time to time.

“[Y/N] would fit perfectly in our family,” Kenny smiled, prideful he had sent a charismatic wink towards your way, his brief motion had actually aided you to gain a pinch of confidence, and in response, you had gently smiled towards Levi’s uncle.

“I’m glad to hear that,” your mother smiled, excited that you were marrying into one of the most famous and influential families in du Aurous. Sometimes you could catch the excited bite lip your mother would pass onto your father, and as kickback, you’d scrunch your eyebrows. “Grateful to hear that my dear daughter has been able to gain a suitor like Mr. Ackerman.”

“Call me Levi,” your suitor said and content, your mother’s face brightened. With a quick look towards you, Levi returned his gaze towards your family. “She charmed me.”

Alert, Alan coughed. Annoyed, you had finally looked at your brother before you spoke. “Do you have a problem?” You kindly asked, your sweet tone laced with an underlying distaste.

With bare eyes, your brother clenched his jaw ere he shook his head. “No, no problem,” he said before he picked up his glass and took a sip before he reminded himself to sit up and raise his cuo as he stood up. “I send cheers for my dear sister and Mr. Ackerman,” Alan said, the atmosphere quiet and focused on your brother’s slight tipsy state, the warm candles placed carefully on the long table that had been covered by a fine white cloth made by the best silk, you had still wondered how it never caught on fire.

“I wish my sister, the best and safest life, and a happy future engagement,” Alan said and as he raised his glass higher, the rest clapped their hands together before they had cheered at his hasty speech.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Before you had stepped outside with Levi, your mother had encouraged you to take one of your shawls fore you stepped into the night cold. Levi had wanted to speak to you privately, in the gardens that he couldn’t help but admire, as his eyes had painted over the setting, you had looked up at the moon, bottom lip tucked behind your teeth as you had gently thought about your future and what was to come.

“If there’s something you want to say, you can tell me,” Levi proposed.

Lips tight, you had thought of what he had just said, you clenched your shawl between your fingers before you moved your face to view him. “I can tell something is bothering you, correction, has been bothering you,” he continued, eyes soft, less cold than they usually were when he spoke to other people.

“Does it have anything to do with what happened yesterday?” He questioned as he then turned his body to face you properly. “If it is, I apologise---”

“It isn’t what you said yesterday,” you eventually said with a sigh. Eyes shyly trained on him, you looked at your main suitor with sad eyes before you spoke. “I’m not sure if I am supposed to marry you.”

Confused, Levi made himself laugh. “After what you have done to make me your main suitor?” He asked, astonished at your indecisiveness.

Arms now crossed; you had forced yourself to pull back your tears that you had felt creeping behind your orbs. You had wanted to speak, so deeply, and keen to know what had made you like this, the Ackerman had brought himself closer to you. “[Y/N],” he softly called. “What made you change your mind?”

With your hands now on your hips, you breathed in deeply to encourage yourself. “I don’t think it’ll be safe for me to do it.”

Confused, Levi pulled his head to the side. “Just tell me.” He painfully encouraged, in distaste of the anticipation.

“I’m being threatened by Sir. Argent,” you had said. “He wants me to marry him and if I do not, he will expose me to the public,” you explained as you pushed the shawl closer to your neck, you looked at your main suitor with wet eyes. “About my time with other men, especially Eren Yeager, he wants me to call off the engagement, along with my brother he has told everything to.”

“My brother, Alan, he is forcing me to marry him.”

“Do not call off the engagement,” Levi said, his voice husk and serious, he looked at you, his once soft eyes, steel with gravity.

Unsure, you shook your head. “I’m not sure.”

“[Y/N], I’ll protect you, I promise,” Levi persuaded, hands on your shoulders, you had gently smiled at his comment. “Come back to my home with me,” he said. “Stay for a while.”

With a frown, you had looked down at the floor. “I don’t think my family will allow it.”

“Do I have to remind you that you’re a suitress?” Levi teasingly asked. “You can do whatever you want. Especially since you’re under my protection.”

With a laugh of relief, you pulled yourself to hug Levi, satisfied of by protection.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

With the handle of a small bag within both of your hands, you had stood in front of the outside of the van Richesse manor, you had been surrounded by your family along with the Ackermans, it had been cold, Levi had offered to give his suit jacket to you but you had kindly rejected his attempt. So now, he had directed his attention towards your brother.

“She will be protected,” Levi carefully shared and as you could feel your brother share a look with you, you had awkwardly pulled your hands behind you.

“I hope the two of you will be talking about the engagement and the wedding,” your mother happily chimed and grateful for your mother’s warm presence, you bared your teeth.

“I promise that we will,” you reassured.

Hands clasped; your mother moved towards you. “Oh, that means I’ll have to come over soon, perhaps tomorrow! So Kuchel and I can help plan everything. You know how us mothers cannot be not excited when we our little ones are going tie the knot,” she shared happily, and as if her sentence had flipped a switch in everyone, the rest of the group invited themselves to speak. Levi who had been against the idea of being acknowledged as the “little one.”

As your personal coachman gathered you and Levi to the stagecoach, the both of you had shared your goodbyes before you had moved into the vehicle.

Most of the ride had been quiet, you had sat opposite each other; you who had enjoyed the night sky, and how big the moon had shone over the city, had felt Levi’s metal-like eyes steer into you, as if he had calculated how much your chest moved up and down in breaths and how much your eyelids had blinked. You had turned to him, curious to what was in his mind, he had looked beautiful, his greyish-blue eyes that usually bore into yours had appeared more inquisitive, thoughtful and curious.

His eyelashes had covered most of his eyes, and his usuall full lips were tight, as if he had prepared himself to ask a question that would move you uncomfortable. “You look like you want to say something,” you said and as he properly sat himself up, you spoke again. “Levi, is there something wrong?”

“You used to spend time with Eren Yeager?” He asked and awkward, you had moved your sight to your fingers ere you nodded. “And he had you after we danced at the Annual Ball?”

“Does it bother you?” You questioned. “I wasn’t even sure you were interested in me.”

Sour, Levi looked out of the carriage window.

“Eren and I do not speak any longer,” you softly explained. “We hadn’t, not for a long time.”

“That’s good to hear,” Levi muttered, and with his left hand clenched, he moved his hand towards his lap, unsure if he had wanted to speak any longer, you had pushed the back of your head against the seat and allowed yourself to enjoy the silence.

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

You had brought your legs close to your chest, comforted by the warm water that had been provided to you by one of the maids that worked in the Ackerman home; you had brought your chin to rest against your kneecaps and softly blew through your mouth as you gently traced your thoughts.

The maid had offered to help you bathe but you had wanted to be alone. Levi had been in his office and you had pampered yourself. You had speculated to what Levi and Kenny would do to protect you, two men who have never known you for a month doing their best to aid you, whereas your brother, who you have known your entire life had been ready to sell you to the bitter man just for the sake of reputation.

As you had comforted yourself in silence along with listening to the quiet splash of the movement of water, you had been aware that the door had creaked open, unmoved and keen that it had been Levi, you heard the way he had taken off his clothes and as you had opened your eyes, you greatly smiled. “Joining me?” You had asked and with a look of tease, the man had carefully moved towards you.

“Of course,” he confirmed and as you gently pushed yourself backwards to make more space, you trained your eyes on your main suitor who had made way to sit opposite you.

Of course, he’d look amazing wet, was what you had thought, he had such an intimidating stare, but the look he normally wore had always moved you into a lustful manner. You had watched how he damped his hair with his currently wet hands, Levi had used his digits to stroke through his straight raven locks, eyes keen on you, aware with the growing redness that spread in your cheeks.

“What are you going to do about Sir Argent?” You asked and as he pulled himself closer to you, you felt the pad of his thumb gently stroke your chin.

“Kenny and I will have it under control,” Levi responded, his voice soft and romantic but anxious, you had furrowed your eyebrows.

“You told Kenny everything?” You questioned.

“I told him of the things that mattered, not of what happened between you and Eren.”

Thankful, you had rested your face against his shoulder. “Thank you, Levi.”

“I want you to feel better,” he muttered and comforted, you had lifted your face to look at him to bring yourself to kiss him.

He had been accepting to your movement, his wet hand pressed against the back of your head as he gently embraced your lips. Softly, you had moaned, smoothly you had dragged yourself to properly sit on his lap and wrap your legs around his waist; Levi who had been quick with his movements had pushed his fingers between your thighs, his mouth had hastily moved up your neck while his lips sucked on your skin leaving his love against you body.

“You like that?” He whispered and responsive, you had nodded, eyes twisted shut you had aided yourself to rub your cunt against his fingers, figure tight as you could feel herself easily cum against his hands, embarrassed, you had pulled yourself back, your eyes doe as you could feel your body ached for more. “Don’t be embarrassed, I normally make you cum that fast.”

Humoured, you had wrapped both of your arms around his shoulders. “So arrogant,” you giggled fore you pressed your mouth against his lips. “Now make me cum again.”

“My pleasure,” he smirked as he smoothly pushed his cock inside of you, his girth had relaxed your body and in content, you had licked your lips as you could feel both of his hands move towards your hips, his arms had possessively folded around your figure and you could feel his warm chest press against yours.

You couldn’t help but moan loudly as he started to roll his body, and while the size of his shaft had stretched you inside, the man had begun to thrust his hips upwards, the length of his sex kissing the softness of your hearth, your hands moved to his shoulders as your moans attempted to keep up with his movements.

“Oh—Levi!” You whimpered as you had arched your back as reflex to the tip of his cock reaching to the depths of your cunt, moved, your eyes had watered. “So deep!” You breathlessly moaned. “Just like that, don’t stop---please!”

“Keep moaning for me,” he sighed, his hold tight as he continued to jerk his hips upwards. “So perfect,” he had moaned. “[Y/N], my [Y/N]!”  He moaned, the heat of his high had hastily made through his body but he had used his strength to hold back his climax. “Keep bouncing like that,” he encouraged.

“Yes! Yes!” You moaned fore, her nectar surged through your body, tired, you had rested your body against his, gratified with how he had resumed to use your body until he began to milk his ropes into you, his eyes heavy as he leaned back against his bath tub, using the time to catch his breath, you could feel the Ackerman pull himself out of you ere he commenced to stroke your hair before he started to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

“I���ll always protect you pretty bird,” he commented and content, you had smiled as you had tried your best to not fall asleep.

masterlist

[ksharoly]

Crown of the heir

crown are like headbands they make you look pretty and nice but crown's are the symbol of power and reign once it's place in your head the duties will also be placed in you as well.

"if i was a queen i will make men's bow" you changeling said to your mother.

"you will bore a king you're a women" your mother said as she fix your hair and clothes.

your mother was not very fond of you since she expects her first child to be a boy and not a girl she would scream at you for holding a sword since that day you been sneaking to the training area to hold a sword.

"no women have ever sit a throne" your mother said.

"rhaenyra will soon sit in the throne isn't she" you said while reading your book.

"she's no queen your the queen"

"isn't that stealing mother that's make me a usurper of the throne" you plainly said as continue to read your books.

"what's going on inside your head you should be thankful that i raised you and feel you bathe you" your mother angrily said.

"did I ask for it you despite me as your daughter your heir did that look like love to you oh by the way you didn't feed me or bathe me the maids did" you said as you shut your book.

"your under my roof as long as you in here you have no right to speak to me like that" your mother said pointing a finger at you.

"isn't this my home to its also my right to speak freely" you said.

"your my heir for now but once i gave birth to a boy your no longer my heir"

the door shut as you sit thinking that what did you ever do to them that they treated you this bad tear's falling down your cheeks.

their has been a news that king viserys have been sick and the days goes longer he's body weaken surely after he passed away the heir will eventually sit to the throne.

"its time the king will die and his oldest child aegon will sit to the throne and you will be the queen isn't that amazing finally your bringing power to this family" your mother said.

"your not sure about that didn't he named his heir rhaenyra" you said.

"oh the whore of dragon stone" your mother rolled her eyes.

when night comes you sneak outside of the house and explore the city with your red Cloak and a hidden knife in case.

when you were exploring you bumped into someone you quickly apologize but as you recognize his face he was aegon the eldest son of king viserys.

"well my prince aren't you supposed to be asleep" you said.

"as well as your my princess" aegon said.

"well do you want company you seemed lonely" you said as you two outside the border of King's landing near the ocean.

" of course my princess it's been a long time since we met" aegon said.

"your going to be king you know" you said as you watch the waves of the ocean.

"I don't wanna be a king" aegon stated as furrowed his eye brows.

"but that's what your mother wants"

"she didn't even asked me if ever wanted to be a king it's like I'm just a pawn to her" aegon said as the sadness took over him.

"well aren't we the same forced to be something we don't want" you said as you caress his face.

"I was also forced to be perfect smile like an princess bow to many dance for a lot"

aegon was sad that you need to in that horrible family forced into something that your uncomfortable with.

"i want the crown to be give to someone else that is soo much worthy than me" aegon stated.

"and who might that be my prince"

"my sister rhaenyra targaryen the true heir to the throne" aegon said as you two spend the night in the ocean.

that day raven was sent to the black as aegon wrote to her sister as the letter said my dear sister rhaenyra true heir to the iron throne yield to you that i will no longer come to the crown as i will be peacefully be a prince and wish to marry y/n huxley.

"well isn't this magnificent my wife aegon didn't want the crown alicent wanted the crown" daemon said as he read the letter.

"send a letter to aegon i wish to meet him and his lover" rhaenyra said smiling as thanks to the old god that she will finally be in good terms with her siblings.

as aegon open the letter he reads it and said my dear brother as you and your lover y/n come here you must bend the knee to me and i will take you all back to my heart.

when aegon and y/n come to rhaenyra they both bend the knee to her as the prove of loyalty to the realm and her the queen.

"oh dear brother" rhaenyra said as he hugged him aegon was stunned he never received any hugs from his family as he hug back.

"welcome to the family" jacaerys said as he also hug him.

"aren't you his lover you two will make such a great couple" daemon said as he shake hands with y/n.

"thank you my king" you said.

"well aren't you lovely my dear blessings for your wedding" rhaenyra said as she hugged you.

"thank you my queen it's such an honored to be blessed by you"

"no problem my dear"

as the coronation of rhaenyra you all attend to it as you wear a beautiful black dress as aegon wear black Alicent and rhaenyra made up as the house of targaryen was finally one.

the next following day you and aegon wed the wedding was held up at the dragon stone as you are now y/n targaryen the lady of dragon stone with her husband aegon Targaryen lord of dragon stone.

but one day your mother suddenly barged in rage as she shouted at you.

"YOU WHORE YOU'VE RUIN MY PLAN" you mother said as she shouted at you

"isn't this want you wanted" you said as you furrowed your eye brows.

"you're supposed to be bringing power to your family not this freaking bullshit"

"i did bring the power and that power choose me" you said.

"what kind of huxley are you! being selfish brat" your mother said.

"im no longer a huxley im a targaryen a lady of dragon stone and i will take anything that you took from me" you said.

your mother was furious as she takes out a knife and cuts your arm as soon as that happens the door open and the guards hold her aegon Rush to your side and look at your wound.

"take her out as this day comes that thing will not enter here" aegon said angry towards your mother.

since that day you erase the terrible moments that happened to you and live your life with your husband together you two have 5 children and live peacefully.

"There can be no failure to a man who has not lost his courage, his character, his self respect, or his self-confidence. He is still a King".

[emisprocrastinatingbywriting]

Alone and Forsaken

Chapter 9 Summary:

For months Joel Miller had become your safe haven. His presence in your life seemed to be guaranteed, especially with the fresh mark on your neck. When reality comes knocking, how will you cope without the person that had saved you in so many ways? Will you let the past trample you or will you be strong enough to overcome it?

Warnings: Past Trauma, Violence Inflicted By & On Reader, Threats, Angst, Reader Needs a Hug, Or Maybe She Just Needs to Kill Paul, Perhaps Both, Near Death Experience, Reader is Low-key a Badass Though, Reader Misses Joel.

A/N:

Hello y'all! Welcome back, I hope you guys have been doing good. This chapter is from the reader's perspective and starts off right where we left her cleaning up in the kitchen after Joel leaves for the river. Major warning for violence in this chapter, we love our feral queen. Also, given the overall shittyness of Paul's group, there are some threats towards her that imply SA but nothing actually happens. If the violence or those types of threats bother you, as always protect your own sanity please!

Chapter 9/20

The words widened the goofy grin on your face as you scrubbed the bowls from breakfast. Joel loved you. The idea of it made your insides warm and gooey.  

Chapter 9: Separated Pt.2

“Love you too honey.” 

The man that had carried you from the riverbank and tried to pawn you off on a distant brother had changed remarkably. Since the first day, he slowly transformed into the sappy alpha that had opened himself up for you despite the pain it caused him and then slapped your ass before he left for the river. He was somehow simultaneously a complicated and uncomplicated person. His past was enough to bring anyone to their knees but Joel wasn’t just anyone. 

Joel was a father of not one, but two girls that had died. You tried to imagine what that loss might feel like but were unable to. It seemed too big, too awful to comprehend. Even worse, for years after he had tormented himself with his perceived failure to protect them. It made you want to cry. A knot grew in your throat as you thought about him breaking down amidst wreckage in the previously locked room. 

You knew that talking about it had scared him at first but afterwards, you could’ve sworn a light had returned to his eyes. With the truth of his past revealed, you realized that that was what he had needed all along. He needed their memory to live on but wasn’t strong enough to let the words flow. Maybe that was your job, to break down his walls so that he could finally speak about his grief. 

A distant memory arose from the recesses of your mind. You remembered how your father’s mother had died a few months before the outbreak. Bits of your life before the outbreak flashed behind your eyelids as you strained to remember how the family you had mostly forgotten about handled it. You remembered foreign words chanted by your father and his siblings over a grave, mixed with days spent sitting in lowered chairs. You remembered how your father’s unruly frizz had been pushed back with product as he crouched down in front of you and explained that it was okay to be sad, but that she would live on through your memories. 

Childish confusion had filled you at his reassurance. Little fingers tossed dirt on to her casket after it was lowered but there was no sadness, just the inability to comprehend what had even happened to begin with. Perhaps you were too young to understand what the situation and its sentiments meant but the memory presented itself clearly now. 

If Joel kept talking, if he held the memories close without letting them swallow him, maybe one day they wouldn’t hurt him as badly. Perhaps in time, Joel’s heart would heal. He was your mate, which meant it was your job to soothe the storm that raged within him. The instinctual need to calm his heightened nerves was overwhelming but you took it all in stride. It was comforting to know that Joel needed you as much as you needed him. 

This was what you were for, to protect him in a way that he didn’t know that he needed. Joel loved you, despite the parts of him that were steeped in stifling grief. The least you could do was ease his self inflicted torture by allowing him to grieve properly. 

Plus, he had to deal with it sooner rather than later as you were under no allusions about what the future held for the both of you. An alpha could only knot his mate so many times before reality came knocking. The last thing either of you needed was Joel having a nervous breakdown when it did. The future didn’t scare you as it once did but you knew that your mate would need more reassurance that the sky wouldn’t fall again. 

The sound of the door opening pulled you from your plans and you placed the last of the dishes on the rack. A smile crept up on your face as heavy footfalls clomped towards the kitchen. Biting down on your lip, you tried to keep it cool as Joel neared. 

“That was quick baby, did you even get the water?” you teased. 

No response came from your mate and you rolled your eyes. You imagined Joel behind you, leaned up against the frame of the door with his arms crossed as his eyes raked over your frame. The trademark scowl would be plastered over his lined face but you knew that the melted pools of chocolate would give him up immediately if you looked. His eyes were your favorite part of his body. Well, one of them at least. 

“If you wanted me to come with you, you could’ve asked. Didn’t have to speedrun through your chores for me.” 

Again, nothing came from your mate. His scent remained distant, like he was still miles away, but you shrugged it off. Maybe it had rained while you were still locked in your thoughts about your grandmother’s funeral and plans for the future. 

You imagined how Joel’s ruggedly handsome face would crack open with a quirk of his lips when you turned. He was so easy to predict but you loved it. The warmth of his gaze was worth every other thing that you had been through in your life and it always would be. Utterly lovestruck at the thought of him, you whirled around excitedly to greet him. Only it wasn’t Joel that leaned against the doorframe. 

The scene before you was bastardized and revolting. How dare he stand in the place where your mate was supposed to be. How dare he show his face in the home that the two of you shared.  

Fear was what he had expected from you, that much you could see as the surprise at your lack of response forced his mouth wide open for a second before he snapped it shut. There was no fear. All you felt was a frenzied rage coupled with a burning sensation at the back of your throat from the muted scent of maple that radiated off of him. You could’ve barfed as it coated the inside of your nose. You had hoped to never smell it again. 

“Paul.” 

The alpha cracked a grin that didn’t reach his frosty gaze and you sighed. Looking at Paul, you suddenly felt older than you had in years. It was like a bully from childhood had returned to yank at your pigtails once more. Except now time had passed and his presence sucked all of the energy from your body, leaving you exhausted at the very sight of him. 

“Waiting for someone Angel?” Paul teased. 

Bitter contempt brought a litany of insults to the tip of your tongue but you swallowed them down. You tried to look around him towards the open door. There was comfort in the knowledge that Joel would come back soon and Paul wouldn’t stand a chance. The older alpha could tear him in half without breaking a sweat. 

“He’s not coming but don’t worry, he’s alive, Figured I’d take him as a souvenir for now. Who knows, maybe he’ll be fun for the guys. They like to place bets on who will last the longest,” Paul sneered.  

Joel was gone? No, that couldn’t be. He was supposed to come back. You needed him back. Panic flared up inside of you as you spiraled with all of the possibilities. Was Joel hurt? Was he scared? The anxieties piled atop of one another until tears fell from your eyes. You felt lonely. It was unlike the loneliness you had felt when Joel had ignored your advances. That had been manageable due to his proximity. 

As the tears dried on your face, you realized that this time you really were completely alone and it was due to the man that maniacally cackled in front of you. Deep rage spread from your chest, lighting every nerve ending on fire and tensing all the muscles in your body. The anger boiled over before you could stop it and an explosion of threats poured from your lips. 

“If you hurt him, I will fucking kill all of you. Do you get that? Or are you THAT dense? If you even think about hurting him, you’re going to die. He is MINE, do you understand that? MINE!,” you growled. 

Possessiveness was not something you had ever been known for until Joel Miller waltzed into your life. Or rather, until you waltzed into his. It shocked Paul. He had expected a version of you that no longer existed. A little girl who was made to pray and obey a wicked stepfather. A dutiful wife who was forced down the aisle by circumstance. A contemptuous omega who needed to be broken by a lengthy stay in the pit. 

The fact Paul didn’t know you anymore was a victory. He knew the innocent kid that he had preyed upon and the broken shell of an omega that he had tried to control. You weren’t either of those people anymore. Not since the infected had torn you from your friends and you had stumbled through the forest for days. Not since Joel Miller had provided a safe space for you to rebuild yourself into a stronger, more self confident version of you. Paul didn’t know who you were and never would again. You relished in that. 

The gruesome beast that had haunted your dreams had been shrunk down before your eyes. All that remained was a weak man who stood in the way of the one person who you had claimed as your own. 

“Look who's all grown up now. Did the old man teach you some things? Sure smells like he did,” Paul said as he sniffed at the air. 

You tried not to gag as he stepped closer, trying to get a whiff of your scent mixed with Joel’s. It felt perverted for Paul to ever have a part of your mate and you glared at him.

His teeth were clenched as he spat out, “Shame that the bastard was stupid enough to take the one thing that was MINE.”  

The fact that Paul thought you were his property only disgusted you more but you remained stoic in the face of his taunts.  

“And what was that?,” you goaded, already knowing the answer. 

You knew this game. Paul was trying to rile you up and throw you off so that he could strike but you saw through it. All you needed was for him to take the bait and he did. As he moved closer to your place at the sink, one of your hands slowly inched towards the knife that poked out from the drying rack and grasped the handle. He didn’t even notice, too busy staring at your curves as he approached. 

Fucking idiot, you thought. 

When Paul’s head lurched back in a dramatic cackle, you slipped the knife into the sleeve of Joel’s flannel. You refused to be afraid any longer, despite the fact that he had been one of the villains in your life for years. But that was the thing about monsters; only little kids feared them. You had grown, making the display in front of you nothing but more than fuel to add to the fire. The blade dug into your palm. All you needed was an opening.  

“You.” 

And that was it. At the base of all of Paul’s desperation was this sick fantasy that he had harbored for years about owning you. He wanted to tie you down, to keep you shackled to him for the rest of your life. There was no love involved in his need for domination. It wasn’t a bond that Paul craved from you anymore, not with Joel’s teeth indented on your neck. In fact, it had never been about claiming you as his mate. 

This was about control.

An explosion of emotions pushed you from the sink and towards the alpha. Grief, desperation, sadness, and above all else, anger, quickened your heartbeat. You were tired of it, of everyone trying to tell you how to live and forcing you into some predestined mold. 

The only person who seemed to understand who you really were anymore was Joel. He truly was your perfect match and he was somewhere in need because of Paul. An unfamiliar feeling leached into your body as you stepped forward. The mark on your neck tingled with feral greed and Paul blinked at the atmospheric shift. He’s mine, mine, mine, echoed from somewhere in your mind. 

The knife was wedged into Paul’s thigh before your brain even registered the action. As the blade tore through the soft layer of fat and thick corded muscle, a howl bounced off of the walls. The sound of it was delightful. You smiled at him and yanked the knife back before slamming it in deeper. A high pitched whine escaped Paul’s lips and you giggled at him. Rage flashed in his eyes at your amusement and his fist reared back, coming down hard against your cheekbone. 

The force of the punch knocked you to the floor. Pain blossomed from your quickly reddening face but you ignored it, pushing yourself up from the tiles and stumbling towards the door. Paul groaned as he launched forward and wrapped his fingers around your wrist, squeezing it until you heard a pop. The delicate bones crunched under his grip but you barely felt it. Adrenaline pumped through your veins and blurred the pain that coursed through you. 

With your survival instincts kicked into high gear, you spied the perfect exit strategy in an instant hanging on the wall. Quickly, you reached out and snatched the pot from its place. Before he could react, you bashed the metal against Paul’s face. Another cry of agony fell from the alpha as he stumbled back, hands pressed over the gash in his forehead. 

The sight of Paul in pain made the wrath inside of you grow and you laughed at the unfamiliar feeling. The exit was free with the alpha being dizzied from the blow but it meant nothing anymore. This was one of the men that had torn apart your life. Sure, the outbreak had morphed it into something entirely different than what you had hoped for but Paul was the one who went out of his way to make it worse. 

Paul was the one who had stalked you for years. He was the one who kept the group living in fear of Josiah and his council with his brutality. He was the one who allowed Jake’s boyfriend to be killed and supported the subsequent forced marriage. He was the one who married and destroyed two perfectly fine omegas of his own. He was the one that tried to destroy you as well. And above all else, Paul was the one that had taken your mate in order to harm him. 

Laughter rattled in your chest and you allowed the breathless rage take over. The darkness started and ended with Paul, you understood that as the venom seeped into your soul. 

You slammed the pot against his skull again and it felt so good that you kept going. After the third blow Paul swayed on his feet and collapsed. Blood splattered against the ground from his broken face but you kept going. Sweat and tears poured down your face as you moved down his body, beating his abdomen until his breathing turned to muffled wheezes. Paul’s eyes were blinking heavily when you finally threw the pot aside. He was close to passing out. 

A monster had been unleashed within you. This burst of rage was like nothing you had ever felt. The only thing that held any meaning anymore were the thoughts of Joel that bounced around your head. His booming laugh, the scruff of his patchy beard against your hands and thighs, his big hands rubbing soothing circles into your hips as you clung to him after a bad dream, the way he looked so hopeful everytime he placed a meal in front of you; like he wanted nothing more than to make you happy. This ghost from your past threatened all of that. 

Bare hands collided with Paul’s bloodied face. The act of beating someone was so foreign to you that you didn’t recognize the fists as your own as they rained down on him. It felt like you were floating above the kitchen, watching yourself tear into Paul with no ability to stop it. You heard the screamed insults as you scratched at his face and slammed his head against the floor but the person they came from was a stranger. 

Unfamiliar hands shot forward to tear you from his broken body but you fought against them. Teeth sunk into flesh and whoever had attempted to pluck you away groaned at the sting. It was only when three people ripped you off that you realized that you had fucked up. Anger had gotten the better of you and now you were alone, fighting against three alphas as an unfamiliar man heaved Paul from the floor. 

“Cut it out you crazy bitch, or I’ll give you something to scream about. Maybe a real knot would temper you,” one of the alphas barked in your ear. 

You stilled immediately in a show of obedience. If they were anything like Paul, these men didn’t care that Joel had claimed you and that was extremely dangerous. It was crucial that you remained calm if you were going to escape unscathed. Their hands pushed you down and you whined as your knees hit the tiles hard. Peals of laughter came from the men. Your pain amused them. 

Paul was dragged out of the room and you tried not to smile at the ragged state of him. With your face schooled, you directed your eyes to the floor and tried to think of a viable escape plan. It was then that you heard another alpha swear in disbelief from the doorway as Paul’s beaten body passed him. The familiarity of the voice tickled something buried in your mind and you snapped your eyes towards the entrance. The smell of citrus and cloves slapped you in the face as you met his gaze. There was no mistaking him. 

Cooper stood in the doorway for a moment, green eyes analyzing the state of you before he stepped forward. He looked more grim than you had ever seen him. He resembled a puppy that had been kicked for too long and came to expect the abuse. Any lightness in his gaze was gone, his eyes framed with the dark shadows that advertised his exhaustion. 

Cooper had never really been on your radar much when you lived amongst your group. He was always found somewhere on the sidelines during any of Josiah’s meetings and kept to himself for the most part. Paul had forced him into being one of the rangers that scrounged for supplies but he never seemed capable of returning unscathed. 

It was only after he had been shot in the side that Josiah overruled his brother and took him off rounds for good. You remembered how Paul had ensured that everyone knew how weak Cooper was, making him a social pariah by spreading tales of his cowardice. He had been entirely uninterested in his brother’s recovery while he laid in bed fighting an infection for weeks, refusing to let anyone visit him unless they were healers. Hell, even Jake seemed to care about Cooper’s recovery more than Paul for some odd reason. 

You remembered how Cooper used to hang out in the basement of the chapel amongst the dusty books and discarded boxes. One time you had found him leaned up against one of the desks when you were looking to find new reading material. You had jumped nearly three feet in the air but somehow Cooper was still the one that looked more terrified. 

Shame had filled you and you apologized, fleeing the basement before he could respond. You felt awful about your find. It seemed to be some sort of safe haven for him. After the interaction, you started to avoid it at all costs. Everyone needed a hideaway within that group and you refused to be the one to ruin someone else’s. 

The only time you remembered Cooper doing anything out of character was when you had stumbled upon him gardening along the edges of camp. You were sneaking back in after escaping for a few hours of peace in the cool waters nearby. Again, he looked guiltier than you did as he stood from the lupines and goldenrods. With the strict rules regarding how alphas and omegas should act and which jobs were appropriate, you weren’t surprised at his fear. Paul would’ve had a field day if he knew his brother was doing an “omega’s job.”

Neither of you had said a word to anyone and life went on as usual. The interaction was so miniscule that it had been lost to time until he walked into the kitchen. A loner through and through, Cooper had been an easily forgettable side character in your life. Even now, you only thought of him because of his connection with Jake. That’s all he had ever been to you, the alpha that your best friend had mated with under duress. 

“The guys out back are having a tough time getting the big guy in the truck, you better go help them,” he instructed the group around you. 

None of them were swayed and one of them grabbed a fistful of hair, wrenching your body upwards in defiance of Cooper’s demands. You groaned at the sting in your scalp. 

“What makes us think that we’d listen to you boy?,” one of them spat. 

Defiance sparked behind Cooper’s dulled eyes for a moment and he glared back at the men. 

“Do you think Paul is going to like it if her mate gets loose? Go fucking help them out so we can get out of here for Christ’s sake,” Cooper seethed. 

The second drop to the ground was shorter but still stung nonetheless. Two of the burly men strode past the smaller alpha, muttering to themselves as they glared at him on the way out, but one stayed behind. 

“What about her?” the last one asked. 

Cooper scoffed, “I think I can handle it. Go. Now. Before my brother wakes up and decides to hang you.” 

The threat of his brother worked and the man hustled out of the room, leaving you behind with an alpha that had remained a stranger for your entire life. He had only lived three houses away from you, just on the other side of Miriam and Rachel’s house. Still, no matter how far you dug you couldn’t scrounge up any other memories of him. Had Cooper ever talked to you directly? Had you ever talked to him? You couldn’t remember. 

“Why the fuck did you stop moving?”

The words were thrown at you like an accusation and you sat back confused. 

“Why did I - What?,” you sputtered. 

Nervous energy rolled off of Cooper as he threw his hands up in the air. His fingers pulled at his hair while he turned to begin pacing in front of you. He muttered to himself under his breath, arguing with some unknown foe in his mind. After tearing out a handful of hair, the alpha stopped in his tracks and turned towards you. Frustration pinched his face and his hands were bunched into fists at his sides. 

“We thought you were dead. If that raider had come back, Paul probably would have left it but no. No, you had to fucking set up shop here and now look at this fucking mess. You could have taken your mate and gone anywhere but you just had to settle,” he hissed.

 Cooper’s fists rubbed harshly at his tired eyes and you weren’t sure what to say. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out. Was Cooper… mad? At you? For what, you couldn’t even begin to imagine. The fact that he was even angry was shocking in itself, you had never seen him anything other than solemnly agreeable. 

“Do you know what he did to us? To Jake and me? All because of some stupid fucking fantasy about you. My - OUR daughter is nowhere to be seen and that’s because of you. Because he needs to keep us in line so that he can get what he wants, like always.” 

“D-daughter? Jake has a daughter? Wha - Wait, is he alive?!” you asked as excitement sped up your heart rate.  

Cooper deflated a little at your reaction and pinched the bridge of his nose. It made him look older than even Joel despite the fact that he couldn’t be more than thirty. He cussed under his breath before he looked back up at you. 

“Jake is alive. He’s safe, for now. I’m going to figure out a way to get Allie back and then I’m going to get us out,” he stated calmly. 

You watched as he moved towards the discarded pot in curiosity. His nearness should have scared you, being the lone omega amongst a brutal group, but you felt at ease. For some reason, you knew Cooper wouldn’t hurt you. Whether it be his connection to Jake or his mild naturedness, no alarm bells rang in your head as he examined the bloodied pot near your feet. He sighed and shook his head, breathing out an almost inaudible fuck me. When his eyes met yours again, they were determined. 

“Cross over the river, that should dull your scent, and then go east. If they catch you again, I won’t be able to do anything. I have people who need me. This is a courtesy because of how much you mean to Jake. I can’t - shit, I won’t risk them for you again. Do you understand?”

He looked up at you for confirmation. You nodded slowly, unfamiliar with this side of him. Determined was not a word that you would have used to describe Cooper before but now, it was written all over his face. 

“Good,” he sighed as he handed you the pot. 

The bottom of it was covered in Paul’s blood. You stared at it for a moment, the world falling away as you watched it drip onto the floor. Untethered from the reality you found yourself in, there were no words to describe how you felt. The situation was like a strange dream and you didn’t know how to pull yourself out of it. All you knew for sure was that Joel was not at your side and that was a problem. 

“And if I go west?” you asked. 

Cooper’s gaze hardened and he answered with a simple, “Don’t.” 

The nod you gave was mechanical, born out of the necessity to appease the alpha who wanted to help. Cooper didn’t need to know the truth. He didn’t need to know that the cord that was wrapped around your soul pulled you towards home. You couldn’t ignore it, no matter what. Joel’s presence somewhere on this earth was like a beacon of light and you knew you were bound to chase after it until your heart stopped beating. 

“Good. Now, I need you to hit me with that as hard as you can then get out of here. Do not let yourself get caught by one of those guys. It isn’t - fuck - they aren’t like the group we had before. They are so much worse and they won’t be uh, proper towards you. Got it?” 

“Yeah, I’ve got it,” you grumbled. 

Of course you understood. Alphas like these were like the boogeyman. Omegas all over had been told tales of their cruelty from childhood since long before the outbreak even started. They were the beings that lurked in the shadows, quickening the paces of omegas as they wandered anywhere alone after dark. They roamed in packs filled with like minded others and tore apart anyone they found. It came as no surprise that Paul had fallen in with them but you pitied Cooper for having to be involved. 

“Cooper I don’t know how to… Thank you.”

Cooper shook his head. Self loathing was written all over his face as his eyes turned glossy and he clamped them shut. Steeling himself for what was to come, he clenched every muscle in his body tight and released the tension with a sigh. When his eyes snapped open he nodded once, giving you the go ahead to strike. 

The loud bang of the pot slamming against the side of Cooper’s face was way less fulfilling than it had been with Paul. The alpha fell to the ground with a groan and all you felt was bitter guilt. He didn’t deserve it. 

“Go,” Cooper hissed from his place on the floor as he held his head in his hands. 

That was all you needed to hear. In an instant, you scurried over to the front of the cabin and shoved the first pair of shoes you found over your feet. A thick jacket was thrown over your frame haphazardly before you started pilfering through the back of the entryway closet for anything of use. There was no way of knowing how long before one of them waltzed in but you needed to be smart. 

The first thing you found was the silver pocket knife that Joel kept hidden under a stack of long johns on the second shelf. You slid it into your pocket. The next target was the rifle Joel hid somewhere in the cabin. You had watched him march into the trees with it slung over his shoulder but never thought to ask where he put it afterwards. It made you feel like an idiot. His presence always seemed so guaranteed. The assumption had been a silly fantasy, something that soothed you into forgetting that a cruel world outside of Joel’s oasis existed. 

Reaching up on your tiptoes to feel around the top shelf, your fingers passed over nothing but shells until you felt it. The cold metal bit at your hand as you carefully pulled out the handgun. The heavy weight of it in your palm was sobering. You were going to do this, you were going to free Joel no matter the consequence. There was no fear at the moment of clarity. All that remained was a sense of duty that had been engraved on the inside of your chest from the moment the bond was sealed.  

Grabbing a half empty box of bullets and slipping the gun into your pants, you scampered back towards the front door. The string that connected you to Joel was drawn tighter than it had ever been. You knew they were taking him somewhere further away. Whether he was trying to or not, Joel’s side of connection screamed out into the space between you. The feeling of your mate calling out pricked at the senses, forcing you into action. 

The latch was ripped open without another thought and you stepped out onto the porch. The air was frigid as the wind whistled through the trees. All you heard was the roaring gusts that shook the branches and kicked up bunches of snow. Several sets of footprints left idents in the snow and trailed off towards the river. Looking ahead, the path Joel used to check the rabbit traps seemed clear. With not a single footfall gracing the pristine snow, you started towards it.  

The snow was heavy and stuck to the bottoms of your untucked pant legs as you ran into the trees. Heart pounding in your chest, you dodged branches and clambered over the dips in the uneven ground. Your lungs burned from the exertion but you ignored it and kept racing towards the water. It was only when you heard someone let out a shout in the distance that you stalled. 

Crouching as close to the ground as you could get, you pushed your back into the trunk of a tree and thumbed the handle of the knife. All that surrounded you was trees and huge swells of white. Your breaths puffed out from between your gritted teeth as you strained to hear anything. From the left, you heard two of the alphas clumsily trying to wade through the wintry mess to make it back to the cabin. 

Should you fight? 

Should you make a run for it? 

Would they smell you if they got too close? 

The hesitation cost you time and soon their heavy pants were right on the other side of the tree. The first one swore under their breath as they stumbled over snow. After a second, the first kept up their clumsy jog while the other stopped completely. The alpha breathed heavily, painful breaths sucked in between coughing fits as he tried to gather himself. You waited for him to follow but he didn’t. 

“What are you doing man? We gotta go check it out, come on,” the quicker one snapped. 

Practically wheezing, the other man coughed out a tight, “Go see. I’ll wait here.” 

The other one sighed loudly and then stumbled off towards the cabin, where Cooper was undoubtedly recounting some bogus tale about the crazy omega that attacked him. You imagined their reactions and secretly hoped that they would be angered at the thought of an omega assaulting not one, but two alphas in one day. 

With the other alpha gone, the air was filled with labored breathing. Meanwhile, you sat with a hand clamped over your mouth to stay quiet. Simply being quiet wouldn’t work for long, you knew he would smell you soon enough. Waves of your scent rolled off of you, spreading out in search of the one that knew how to soothe you.

But Joel was gone and this man stood in the way of him being found. 

The ground was cold against your fingers as you got up and turned to face your prey. The man didn’t notice you as he was still bent over with his hands on his knees. His face was a deep shade of purple with rivulets of sweat rolling down his forehead. He looked old and not in the way Joel was. This man looked as if he had spent his entire life chugging back drinks and growing out the beer belly that bulged from beneath his coat. A rifle hung from his left shoulder and you watched as he clumsily dropped it to the ground with a grunt. This alpha was big and fearsome, as most alphas usually were, but he was slow. 

You could work with that. 

Carefully, you stepped towards him and pulled the knife out. Flicking it open, you stalked closer and closer until you smelled the stale cigarettes that clung to his skin. The closer you got, the larger he seemed but he remained blissfully unaware until you stood before him. He froze as the muted scent of a mated omega tickled his nostrils. You watched his jaw lock shut and the muscles in his back tighten as he readied himself to attack. What an idiot, you thought. 

The man lifted his head, only to be met with a wicked smile as you pierced his arm with the blade. He roared so loudly that nearby birds took to the skies. A meaty hand reared back to snatch your hair but you yanked the knife out of the wound, forcing a spurt of hot blood to splatter across your face. The coppery liquid landed on your tongue and you gagged at the taste. You slammed the knife back in, this time aiming for his chest and burying it as deeply as it would go. 

A small line formed between his bushy eyebrows at the second blow and his hands came up to tug uselessly at the handle. You laughed at his weak attempts to rip the blade from his chest. If he did get it out, the action would only hasten his inevitable end. The man was damned either way. The alpha interrupted your laughter as he spoke up in between pants. 

“Didn’t even see it coming,” the man choked out with red bubbles coming from the corners of his lips. 

He coughed and swallowed the blood that flooded his mouth before he continued, “Talking all sweet to his mate like a fucking pussy. Like any of your kind deserves that shit, fucking sluts. He thought it was you coming for him. Just looked up at me and boom, out like a light.” 

Joel. 

It all made sense. They had knocked him out in order to jump him. Of course, that made so much sense. There was no way they could’ve taken him alive if he was awake. Joel wouldn’t have surrendered to anyone, not when you waited for him at home. The alpha had taken him completely off guard and now mocked him for it? You wanted to scream. 

“You have no idea what you assholes just started,” you snapped.

The blade was covered in red when you ripped it from his chest cavity. The wound made a wet sucking noise against the metal and he hissed at the pain. You stopped, watching the blood as it dripped down the handle and covered your hand. Another hacking cough from the man sprayed steaming blood on your jacket, onto Joel’s jacket. The man tainting your mate’s clothing was the last straw.

Three more slashes ripped jagged lines into the man’s face before you finally buried the knife in his heart. A silent scream forced his mouth open and you shoved him back against the snow in disgust. A circle of blood spread out from beneath him as his body twitched and you watched it grow. By the time you looked back at his face, he was dead. 

You had never killed someone before. The only victims you had on your roaster was a collection of infected and a couple of slow moving rabbits. Those didn’t count. An actual human being was dead at your feet with your knife stuck in his chest. It wasn’t that you were freaked out at the fact that you had killed him. What freaked you out was how good it made you feel. 

The feeling was a twisted and greedy thing, shrieking at you from the depths of your soul to turn back to the cabin to rain hellfire down on everyone. An inner battle was waged within you as you gazed upon the corpse. One part of you wanted to rip out the throats of all of the alphas that swarmed your home, while the other part just wanted Joel back. 

The sound of crunching footsteps settled the debate and you quickly ripped the knife out before you sprinted towards the river. The wind stung your ears as you ran and pinched at your cheeks. You heard it when one of the alphas reached the discarded corpse but you were so close. He shouted for the others and you hastened your pace, bursting out onto the beach in a frenzied state. 

Chunks of ice slammed against the riverbank and sped across the surface. The water itself was quick moving, with white caps and fizzy swirls that tore up every bit of earth they happened upon. Massive rocks poked out from beneath the swells but you couldn’t see how many were hidden. 

You knew how to swim. Miriam had taught you once in the summer heat. Ever since that summer, you had grown in ability and frequently escaped with other teens to enjoy it without adult supervision. However, the water you had skinny dipped in once didn’t have a current. These rapids were an entirely different beast. Nevertheless, as heavy footsteps drew near, you found yourself plugging your nose before you jumped in feet first. 

The pain was instant. You remembered your mother snapping at you once for getting too near to a frozen pond after the first safe place had fallen. At the time, being no more than six years old, her harsh words had registered as mean. But as the frigid waters sparked every nerve ending in your body and set them on fire, you realized her harshness stemmed from educated fear. 

The shock of the cold held you down beneath the waves and you felt your body quickly torn away from the shore. You flipped and somersaulted weightlessly in the rushing waters, every attempt at paddling to the surface useless against the current. More pain erupted from your side as the river slammed you against one of the rocks and a groan was muffled by the water. Desperate to breathe, you sucked in a mouthful of the frigid water but it stung your chest. Panic bloomed from within at the realization that you were drowning. 

Your lungs screamed for oxygen but you were stuck, shoved against the solid stone and weighed down by the rapids. Opening your eyes didn’t help, as all you could see from the bottom of the river was black. Was this it? Was this how you would die? You were infuriated at the thought. How could this be the thing that killed you? After everything you had been through, drowning seemed absolutely ridiculous. No, this couldn’t be it. Not with Joel somewhere alone and in pain. Not when you finally had a home. You wouldn’t allow it. 

Bubbles were released from your lips as you cried and struggled against the stone. You paused, watching as they floated towards your right side and then it clicked. The strong current had flipped you around and battered you against the rock but all you needed to do was right yourself to push upwards. A chunk of ice thumped against your chest but you ignored the sting as you wriggled around. Placing your feet on the ground, you pushed off with all of your strength. With one final kick against the top of the stone, the crown of your head breached the surface. 

You sputtered and fought against the current as it whipped you further downstream. The surroundings were unfamiliar, far away from the spot that you had collected water from for weeks. It was a battle but you used all of your strength to stay afloat, kicking weakly as you tried to find a way to slow down. There was nothing to grab on to and as hard as you paddled, you couldn’t reach the side. You couldn’t help but sink when a huge wave came, slamming you back underwater and cutting off your air supply. 

Weakened from the cold, you were losing strength and felt yourself be pulled further away. Hands grappling with the rocks on the bottom to slow down, a scream was silenced by the waters as the jagged edges ripped a nail off of your fingertip. Cold water filled your mouth and you choked on it as your body dragged along the riverbed. Another swell flipped you over, your back colliding with another stone. You splayed out against it, helpless to the current until a chunk of ice knocked you loose.

Death seemed certain. The edges of your mind folded in on themselves and you struggled to hold the memory of Joel’s face in your mind. If you died, you wanted him to be the last person you thought of. Grief pulled at your heart strings and you focused all of your energy on trying to project your thoughts to him. You wished for a miracle. You wished that Joel would hear how sorry you were. For letting him go alone. For the crossfire he was caught in. For not being strong enough to survive. 

Just as you accepted your imminent death, you felt yourself fly off of an edge. A gasp of crisp air was all you managed to gulp down before your belly was slapping against the surface of the water again. You braced yourself to be thrown around again but nothing happened. 

The current had slowed and you quickly kicked your way to freedom. The moment your head popped up from the depths, you were panting and coughing up bits of the river. Your lungs ached and you retched, a torrent of swallowed water pouring from your mouth as you paddled to shore. 

The edges of your vision were blurred as you strained to pull yourself onto the side. All of the muscles in your back protested the movement but you managed to make it by crawling. Sitting back on your knees, you retched a couple more times until the remaining ramen from breakfast laid half digested against the icey shore. With your stomach emptied, you huffed a few more steadying breaths and looked at your surroundings. 

The fast running waters dropped off into a wide pool. It was deep enough to dive into and held itself up on a ledge above more rapids below. The excess from the swimming hole poured over its side, pummeling the rocks below before it shot out and resumed the aggressive current. You spied a metal bench someone had left behind on the other side of the river. It was tucked nicely under the branches of the surrounding trees and you realized Joel had mentioned this place before. 

Amidst the desperation of the first night of your heat, there had also been bits of downtime. Joel’s body had been slumped over yours when he spoke of it. The feeling of his weight coupled with your fingers shoved in his curls was perfect as you basked in the aftershocks of his brutal thrusts. Deep in the throes of feverish desire, the temperature of the room reached tropical levels. Sweat collected in every crevice of your intertwined bodies but Joel didn’t seem to mind. 

“It’s hot,” you whined. 

He groaned and you felt it when his cock throbbed at your needy tone. His knot had gone down enough for him to slip out but every time he tried, you locked your ankles around his back in protest. You knew Joel didn’t mind despite his grumbles. Plus, he couldn’t hide the smile when he snuggled his face back in between your breasts and you resumed playing with his hair. 

“Want me to move darling?,” Joel mumbled, his voice muffled into your skin. 

You giggled at the feeling of his facial hair brushing against your breasts and hugged him closer. 

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

Fuck, it was only a few hours since he had left but it felt like days.

You remembered how hard Joel had laughed at that. He had kissed the tops of your breasts before he looked up at you. 

“Can’t wait for summer. M’gonna bring you down to the swimming hole, leave your clothes on the bench and take ya right there in the water. Out in the open for anyone to see,” Joel growled. 

His words flooded your core with pure desire and turned your tongue into lead. 

“Mmmm… Like swimming. S’nice,” you replied dreamily. 

Joel had chuckled and you hummed at the way his deep timber buzzed against your ribs. You remembered how lips brushed over your bare neck, laying soft kisses over the spot that he would claim for himself weeks later.  

“Well then it’s a plan darling,” you remembered him whispering as he began to thrust into you once more. 

The memory forced tears to your eyes as you sat depleted against the shore. Amongst the frozen wasteland, your demeanor cracked against the weight of your isolation. The swimming hole sat right there but it wasn’t supposed to be like this. Tears dripped from your eyes and warmed your cheeks before they froze, becoming frosty reminders of your sorrow. You weren’t supposed to be here alone. This was a place that Joel wanted to show you. The first time seeing it was supposed to be fun. The fantasy of easy summer days spent swimming and fucking was ruined, leaving you absolutely heartbroken as you stared at the bench.  

You wanted to wallow, to curl yourself into a ball and cry until the tears were depleted but the string that held the two of you together would not allow it. It thrummed with energy, pulling you from the grief as you felt him slipping further away. It was a constant reminder that your alpha was alive and that grieving his absence was wasted energy that could be used to find him. 

With a renewed sense of purpose, you braced your cold hands against the snow and slowly pushed yourself from the ground. The bones in your wrist popped from the weight and you hissed, shaking it out as you looked eastwards. The river water had started to freeze your clothes, stiffening the fabric as you weighed the options. 

Cooper had told you not to go west. That was where the danger lay. That was where nightmares came to life and threatened to swallow you whole. That was where your so-called ex husband resided. Could you even call Paul an ex if you never had a choice in the matter? You decided that it didn’t matter. None of it mattered and you ignored Cooper’s advice, turning westward in pursuit of your mate. 

-

“Most of them went back already. Paul got his ass handed to him so they fell back. They took the alpha with them. Swear to God, the big guy looked like he was in better shape than Paul,” the red haired one laughed. 

The ginger spat a mouthful of gasoline onto the ground before he shoved the end of it into the bucket. The other one whistled and shook her head, chuckling quietly before she murmured, “Paul’s gonna be pissed that her mate got the jump on him.” 

“That’s the thing!,” he boomed in excitement, “It wasn’t even the mate. I swear to God, it was the chick. I’m telling you, she’s a fucking psycho! Beat the shit out of Paul and knocked out his pussy ass brother. Then she slashed up Kennedy and booked it. It was absolutely insane.” 

“No fucking way an omega did all of that.”  

They bickered back and forth as you listened from behind an empty oil barrel. You tried not to let them get to you, clenching your teeth as you stayed hidden nearby. It had been nearly half a day since you left the cabin and you were close to freezing to death. With the sunlight growing dimmer, you knew that you needed to find shelter or at least a new set of clothes soon. 

The cold had been unbearable after only a few hours of stumbling through the woods but the one upside to your travels was finding the plethora of cabins that laid just on the other side of the river. The first cluster had surprised you. It seemed that Joel wasn’t as isolated as he thought. Surely if these existed, other people knew about the cabins buried amongst the greenery. 

If either of you had crossed over to the other side of the river just once, you would have found that the reclusive hunter had been fairly surrounded by others on his western side. You had encountered a few other variations of hunting cabins along the way, all of them boarded up. Luckily for you, they had been abandoned but you lacked the strength to pry them open. Each time the door refused to budge you were forced to move on in hopes of finding another safe haven. 

After hours, you finally found a contender. Made of brick and a tin roof, the one story cottage was truly a sight for your sore eyes. The latch was padlocked but the door itself bumped against its frame with the wind. All that was needed was one harsh pull and the latch would be torn clean off the side of the cottage. Excitement overtook you and you darted from the treeline, yanking on the front door as hard as you could. It creaked with the weight but remained closed and you tried again. 

After your fourth attempt at ripping it open, the screws that kept the latch stuck on the doorframe had almost released themselves but then you heard it. You tilted your head at the sound of a rumbling engine. It took you completely off guard. You hadn’t heard the sound of a vehicle in months. After breaking from your confusion, you quickly vaulted over the rails of the porch and took off running for cover as a weather-beaten truck drove up the overgrown path. 

The truck was so large that both of the alphas had to jump down from their seats. You watched as the red haired alpha searched around the area, kicking at the large pile of snow next to the cottage until he foot banged against metal. He had reached down and grabbed the edges of a tarp, revealing an ancient jeep that looked as though it had been untouched for years. 

Meanwhile, the other had ripped the door open with ease and searched the space for any sign of you. With the harshness of the wind, you hoped that your scent had been swept away so that you could remain undetected to the pair. When she came up empty, she returned to her friend crouched by the jeep. 

As the two of them bickered about whether you had actually bested Paul, you looked towards their truck. The heat of a working vehicle was extremely tempting in your state. It only took a moment of imagining the warm air inside the cab before you decided. 

Shaky hands grasped the gun in your pants and fiddled with the chamber, emptying out the bullets to shake out any remaining water. You reloaded it and breathed in, waiting patiently for the right moment. Without the knowledge to do so yourself, you allowed them to take the precious petroleum from the rusted jeep to aid you in the journey.  

“Alright, better get going. We’re losing daylight,” the man sighed as he lifted himself from the ground. 

The woman turned to look at the ginger while he fiddled with the hose. A response was poised on the tip of her tongue but three shots cut her off. The first was clumsy and ricocheted off of brick into a nearby tree. You were rusty from the little experience you did have but the second shot managed to be a bit closer to its target. The woman shrieked as the bullet lodged itself in her knee and she fell to the ground. The final shot was the most on point as it hit the man square in the crotch. With both alphas on the ground, you sprinted forward. 

The man was a lost cause. He didn’t even reach for his gun. Instead he laid on the ground and cupped his ruined genitals as he screamed in agony. You felt nothing at the display except for slight anxiety about the fact that any of his comrades or infected nearby would have heard his dramatics. There was no pity for the alpha. Given the type of man Paul was and the vile threats that had been thrown at you in the kitchen, you figured that this man probably deserved the bullet. 

The woman was still alert and reached back to pull at the sling over her shoulder for a gun. Before she could get the long gun from her back, you rushed forward and knocked her flat against the snow. A gust of breath left her lungs as she hit the ice and you wriggled until you were sitting on her chest. Pressing your thumbs into her eye sockets, she screamed again and ripped your hands away before she flipped the two of you over. 

The fist connected with your nose and crunched the bone. Tears formed on your lash line at the bright burst of pain. You moved to retaliate but your opponent wasn’t finished. Blood trickled from the bridge as her fist came down again and slammed against your jaw. Again and again, the alpha launched her fists into your face until you felt disconnected from the pain. Buried under the ruthlessness of her attack, you felt as if you were drowning all over again.  

Swallowing your pride, you grasped at her belt. You knew that the enticing action would work and it did. Alphas like these only desired one thing, a wet cunt to break on their knot. It didn’t matter where or who it came from. The second the idea of taking you crossed her mind, you had won. A wide grin showcased all of her crooked teeth as you played with the leather and nuzzled the hand that was covered in your own blood. Your brain screamed at you to stop and the mark on your neck ached as you weakly grinned at the woman. 

“Aw, if that’s all you wanted, you could've asked. All of us would’ve spread you out real nice, bet that would help with that little attitude problem of yours, hm? You’d like that huh?” 

The smell of her arousal would’ve made you retch if you hadn’t already puked your guts out alongside the river just hours before. The scent was all wrong, it was too sweet to be your mate’s and your body knew it. You fought against the biological urge to recoil as your fingers smoothed over the leather in search of something to aid in your escape. 

“Maybe I should take you for a little test drive before we get back. You think Paul would mind? I mean, you’re already damaged goods,” she laughed. 

A high pitched giggle came from you. It didn’t sound like your normal laugh but somehow she bought it. Your fingers moved towards the front of her pants and you found it. The solid weight of it slipped over your fingertips and you smiled. Looking up at the woman, you batted your eyelashes coyly. 

“Mmmm… You know what I would like more than that?” you cooed. 

She grinned wider and asked, “What’s that?”  

“All of your guts spread out against the god damn ground, you sick fuck.” 

The knife sliced into her belly and she gasped. Looking down in shock, the alpha watched as the blade was torn through her lower abdomen in a jagged line. Bloodied tissue was released from its place in her body and it spilled out onto your own. A soft ah fell from her mouth and she collapsed beside you, panting as her life poured out onto the whiteness surrounding her. 

The pieces of her that had fallen into your lap produced small puffs in the frigid air. You watched in sick fascination as the mess steamed, wisps of vapor rising up and disappearing with every harsh bout of wind. She was dead when you looked over, graying eyes fixed upon you accusatorially. She wasn’t wrong to glare at you like that from beyond the grave. Hours ago your hands had been clean and as you stared back at her, you realized that she was the third person you had killed in less than 24 hours. 

You felt possessed by some greater power as you stood from the ground. The brokenness of your body didn’t bother you as you hobbled towards the cottage. She had nearly beaten you into unconsciousness but you trudged on despite your pounding headache. You barely felt human anymore, just going through the motions as you pilfered through the cottage. 

The towel that you used to wipe the blood from your face smelled like dust and blood shot out of your nose as you sneezed from it. Red continued to drip down your face but you just sighed. A mirror hung in the bathroom and you looked into it, noticing how bruises formed beneath your eyes and across your nose. You snorted at the sigh. It reminded you of the panda bears you had seen in a book once as a child.  

Your body violently shook from the cold and you tore through the drawers, abandoning your own clothes for a pair of baggy jeans and a thick sweater that advertised The Wyoming Mustangs. More spots of blood stained the collar and you groaned in frustration. 

Looking around for anything to stem the flow, you settled on shoving rolled up toilet paper up your nostrils to slow it down. Two pairs of athletic socks replaced your own fuzzier ones and you tried not to grumble at the fabric. Clearly the previous owners of your own home had better taste. After rifling through a plethora of sandals, you managed to find one pair of workboots that would suffice and laced them up as tightly as possible in hopes that it would keep the moisture out. 

The only moment of hesitation in your outfit change was the coat. The coat you had with you was one of Joel’s but it was soaked. It didn’t have any real use and you knew he wouldn’t care if you left it behind. But despite the dip in the waters, it still held the faintest whiff of him. You shook your head at yourself. It was just a coat. Still, you knew there was no way you would leave it behind, no matter how irrational it was. 

Easing yourself into a stranger’s jacket and throwing Joel’s over your shoulder, you walked towards the truck. Stopping only to collect the discarded weapons and gas, you hurried to the vehicle and threw everything in. You lifted yourself into the obnoxiously large truck with a groan but the second you shut the door, you melted against the driver’s seat. 

The cab was still warm and you hastened to turn the keys in the ignition to keep it that way. The engine sputtered once before it roared to life, drawing a sigh of relief from you as you pulled your seat closer to the vents. The warm air was intense, creating pins and needles in your limbs as they thawed out but you kept it cranked. Being cold was one of the things you hated the most in this world and it hadn’t been a problem for a few months. It hadn’t been a problem since Joel came into your life. 

The need to cry bubbled up and you desperately tried to shove it down. With a working vehicle and daylight dwindling, what you really needed was to stay on task but the emotions got the better of you. 

“Fuck, I miss you,” you croaked, allowing yourself to voice your misery for just a moment. 

But there was nobody around to hear. There was nobody coming to rescue you from the people who waited for you ahead. You were just a fool crying out for someone who was incapacitated. Life was not a fairytale where Joel would magically break out of his imprisonment and somehow save you at the very last second. The world was cruel and you realized suddenly that there would be no hero in your life unless you made yourself into one. 

“Jesus, get it together woman,” you whispered. 

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you looked towards all of the different buttons and the gadgets. Omegas weren’t allowed to drive, that was what Josiah had proclaimed to the group multiple times. They were too easily distracted by simple things, making them prone to accidents. Plus, they weren’t allowed to be away from camp anyways. Driving was never an option when you lived there. 

Rachel had given you a few impromptu lessons here and there during your year on the run, allowing you to test the waters in hopes that one day you would find a place more suitable to learn. It was hard to learn with the rugged terrain and hordes of infected. Although she had taught you the basics, it seemed like lifetimes ago and you struggled to remember the finer details. Did D3 mean something different than D2 and D1? Which one were you supposed to use? Did it matter?  

The clock in the dashboard changed with each minute that passed and you cussed. There wasn’t enough gas or time for you to freak out like this. Not if you were going to find Joel alive. And fuck, you needed him alive. Swallowing every bit of indoctrinated hesitation and every fear about crashing into the trees, you gripped the gear stick and threw it into D3. It sounded like the speediest option and faster was what you were aiming for. 

“Fuck it,” you sighed as you slammed your foot into the gas pedal. 

[roman-cup]

Notes/quotes I wrote down in my phone while rereading Carry on

I thought some of them where funny so I'll share

*man using his son as a pawn voice* (The Mage):" I won't see you become anyone's pawn Simon" DAVY WHEN I GET YOU I SWEAR-

Simom talking about Baz being a vampire: "...his cheeks get really full when he has a nightmare" ^ Baz is very open that he watches Simon sleep, not enough talk about how Simon does the same thing.

Simon and Baz both watch each other sleep they are so weird/affectionate

Simon: who knows what he's capable of in his sleep/ Penny: you do, as much as you watch him.

Simon saying the only nights of his life  where he sleeps is when Baz is not there vs Baz coming back from being kidnapped and not letting himself fall sleep until he see Simon there sleeping

Simom chewed on his cross. I would too.  Someone give him a fidget cube I think he'd like one.

Penny "You don't want to know why your girlfriend was snagging your sworn enemy?" Simon "I don't know about 'sworn, I've never taken a oath"  hes so silly

Penny: "If I caught miach golding hands with Baz, I'd want an explanation" Simon: "So would I" <-- he's so silly

"Fuck Baz, he'll do whatever he can to get to me" that's true Simom, just not the way you think

According to Simon Baz's family's politics is apparently  "Dow with the Mage, peacefully and legally" which is too nice for the Mage really. Kill him. Also very funnily peaceful considering how much Simon is shit talking him

Simon called Niall Baz's best friend like there is a lot of competition there. Baz knows 2 people and 1 is his cousin

"Penny to Agatha: you know Baz better than any of us /Simon: she doesn't know him better than I do" /Simon you aren't straight

"Ebb about Baz: Well you know him best/ Simon: that's what I said too! "/ Don't validate his obsession Ebb

I think Ebb has long clocked what's going on with Baz and Simon.

Ebb you are my favorite sad lesbain

Simon starts talking about how Baz's cousin Marcus was taken out of school by the Old Familes and Penny only vaguely knows who's he's talking about. Anyways Simom you know too much about Baz's family. Meanwhile you have not mentioned your girlfriend in any meaningful way in awhile.

"But Simon Snow--- my Simon-- still can't beat his power" <-- closest The Mage has come to acknowledge Simon as a son. Also David keep his name out of your fucking mouth.

Simon " We (him and Agatha) haven't spent any time alone since our argument. Honesty it's been a relief" Simon what do you mean its been a relif that you havent hung out with your girlfriend. Simon you do not like this girl. Neither of you like each other. (He goes on to say it's "one fewer perosn asking if he's okay" but still Simon. You don't like.this girl)

[justcallmesakira]

hii this is like my first time here requesting,,

aaaaa your writing is so cool i love it smm,,

prompt 13 angst, for fyodor?

i think it fits him really well,, and i haven't read angst for so long...

"Maybe...maybe in another life, another time"

Prompt 13

Sypnosis: Your like an angel incarnate to him but even so, you`re a pawn to the outside and will be.

Fyodor x reader

Genre: angst

Warnings: lots of sad stuff :(, no comfort

A/N: Aaaah finally first time writing for Fyodor! I hope you enjoy this anonie!! because its full of angst. YUMMY ANGST.

Etheral- Txmy ♥︎ ⇄ ◁◁ 𝚰𝚰 ▷▷ ↻ ⁰⁰'²⁵ ━━●━━───── ⁰²'⁰⁸

No matter how strong a pawn is,,, a pawn is a pawn for bigger plans then why does he feel like this? He wonders.

You had joined the decay of angels out of desperation. Nothing in your life was not really interesting anyways.

After Fyodor found out about your mere existence he was intrigued.

A human being this beautiful having such a dead and poor soul? What a wonderful day to be a saviour! He convinced himself that its just mere interest. At that time.

You were also pique by this mans goals and likings if anything you realized that he and you had alot in common.

He did not let his other subcordinates listen to his cello playing but he did to you, and only you. He did not lay his head on his other subcordinates but he layed on yours, He did not share his past experiences with his other subcordinates but he shared them to you, Only to you and no one else....Perhaps it was just an illusion to weaken his strength.

Fyodor saw all of the population as mere foolish human beings nothing else but you were an exception to his complex qualifiction

You liked his hair which reminded you of the feathers of a raven, sleek and violaceus, his bright eyes like comparable to a pair of plums, fresh from heaven.

Sure, he wasnt the best in person but you admired him, quite alot but somehow you felt sympathy for him. Everyone else would look at his direction and cover away, scared and terrified but somehow because of your naivety you felt something for him. You cant tell whether its from your heart or mind but something similar to pity. But now things are different...why do you still have that aching feeling in your chest?

"Fyodor, Fyodor dont cry" drip drip...

You are a mere pawn, nothing else but was that true?

The terrace you stood on had white lilies here and there looking as pretty as a ocean of pearls.

There was barely a trace of emotion in your face as you kept staring at the sun almost setting so the night scenery can introduce itself. Too bad you wont be able to see tonight.

Quiet footsteps could be heard, quiet like a mouse towards your figure. You realised it was fyodor, ah yes the same smell of lilac and evil.

"Are you ready, dusha moya?" the voice asks, tone as careful and delicate as glass. Like the glass covering the greenhouse from above.

"This garden is quiet the exiquitive one with its prickly rose vines sheltering the top." Fyodor states to calm down the atmosphere in this plot of flowers. "I wonder if they ever get tired of protecting the glass garden" you spit out, with no expression in your voice and your back turned against fyodor who only walked loser to you.

Your head turned around with a blank expression on your face.

"Strange girl....."

"Well, zayka its time to bid farewell even the sun is setting a goodbye" Fyodor finally revealed the words out with a smile in his face, the smile you will never be able to see again.

You picked up a white lily in your warm hands and gracefully slid it behind your hair tucking a strand of hair and finally turned around to face him, this time with a smile on your face which makes the mans eyes widen for a second.

"You're right, Lets go." you calmly voice out with a somewhat soft expression on your face as you walk towards him on the clean grass.

At that time you couldnt make out fyodors expression, whether he was sad or happy or just emotionless.

He reaches out to you with his hand asking you to put yours over his.

"It was nice knowing you, Fyodor. It really was but i guess this is our goodbye. But you know... Even though i shouldnt say this since i am but a sinner i really love you, I really do."

Your pretty lips mouth out these shattering words to him though i doubt he would feel anything anyways either way he wont be able to feel the warmth of your hands ever again nor the care of your words asking him if slept or eaten anything.

As Fyodors ability activates the life in your eyes slowly wilt away like a lily symbolizing peace.

"Maybe,,,maybe in another life, another time"

It was almost time that you died and met your punishment so with every emotion and strength you have you said out your last words as your head gently falls to his side with your lashes flattered close.

Fyodor did not smile at that.

He simple carried your corpse in bridal style with your white sleeved arms dangling down and gently placed your body on a huge pile of white lilies.

The view was beautiful indeed with the lilies hiding aspects of your now run cold body making you look etheral finally at peace.

"Fear not myshka, i will soon join you in hell too." with that the terrace was locked. Locked from dangers, threats and any bad omen.

"Farewell, Fyodor I hope you enjoyed the part you played these past 3 years"

A/N Fun Fact Fiction time!: The rose vines sheltering the glass of the green house in a symbolization to fyodors heart. The white lilies symbolize grief so he locks away any trace of emotion. By this reader puts one of the lily in their hair and asks metaphorically if fyodor ever get tired of protecting his emotions in order to achieve his goal! Also reader worked with fyodor for 3 years and an average white lily lives up to 3-5 years :)

[joylinda-hawks]

Ah Xiang. Do you think I'm crazy? Aren't you afraid that one day I'll go crazy and kill you? (...) Then I won't stop my madness. WOH Episode 10, Part 10. WKX continues talking to GX, telling her that if GC is watching ZCL so closely, something must be wrong. He tells GX to keep an eye on him, and if something starts happening, she's to let him know immediately. GX nods silently in agreement. WKX stands up and asks GX if he thinks he's crazy, GX nods in agreement again. WKX continues asking if the girl isn't afraid that one day he'll go crazy and kill her. GX explains that she'll be with WKX even if he goes crazy, and if he kills her, she'll follow WKX even in death. WKX says that's good, and adds that in that case, she won't stop her madness. Meanwhile, at the Yueyang Sect residence, GC talks to the students in the main hall and explains that the Hero Conference will be held soon and that they should give it their all and not be lazy. The students accept this and leave, leaving only GC and SS in the main hall. SS walks over to the table where GC is sitting and tells him that he worries too much, adding that things have been pretty quiet lately and there shouldn't be any problems. GC tells SS that he doesn't know about this, but Jianghu only seems calm at first glance. In reality, threats lurk everywhere. SS replies that it's probably not that bad. SS then says that heroes from all over the world have gathered in Yueyang City, and the Ghosts Valley won't dare to disturb the peace again. GC replies that humans are unpredictable, the Five Lakes Alliance has many enemies. GC continues that the Ghosts Valley isn't the only one that wants them to fall. At that moment, GXL enters the main hall carrying a boxed meal. The girl is sad and doesn't know what to say, after a while she breaks down and goes to the table greeting the two older men. She puts the box of food in front of her father. Then she says that she sees how busy they both are lately, so she cooked them some lotus seed soup. SS states that GXL is a good child and it's good to have a daughter. GC states that they won't eat and that he should take it to ZCL. The girl doesn't know how to explain the situation with ZCL and tells her father that she doesn't want this anymore. GC asks what, and GXL asks her father why he engaged her to ZCL without even asking her. The girl is upset about this, adding that ZCL is still a child. GC explains that children are growing up and her marriage was arranged earlier. She adds that in a few years they will be able to get married. GXL is dissatisfied and states that ZCL doesn't like her. GC firmly states that it is the parents who decide on the marriage of their children. So how can a girl ask her father something like that. He states that his daughter is impudent. GXL kneels before her father, and SS asks GC to calm down and asks the girl to listen. WKX is still in a bad mood and lets GX know that after so many years of being around him, he knows how to behave. WKX realizes that he is on the verge of madness, and ZZS's behavior pushes him even further. Therefore, he asks GX if he is mad, GX is very devoted to him and says that she will always follow him. GC realizes that what is happening around is planned by someone and is aimed at destroying the unity of the Alliance and its foundations. SS is naive and does not realize the danger. GXL, meanwhile, does not want to be just a pawn in her father's game, but GC has ironclad principles and does not allow her daughter to disobey. The rejection of WKX by ZZS had a negative impact on the Ghosts Valley leader, who decided to take revenge.

[back2bluesidex]

Girl Crush Follow up Drabble: Afterglow

98% of the comments under Girl Crush are requests for part 2!! and trust me when I tell you that I had no plan of continuing it, I still don't. The story was supposed to be angsty with a sad ending and a promise to part 2 can very well ruin it all.

I could not possibly make Yoongi magically fall in love or make him jealous even when he feels 0 emotions for her. That's just not possible. But as most of you have been asking her to move on and find her own happiness or maybe someone new... I gave it a thought.

Thus, Afterglow, follow up of Girl Crush, is on my WIP and will be posted on 17th November, Friday, 12:30 pm EDT.

A little sneak peek is right under the cut.

Being rich doesn’t mean you are the happiest person in the world, but quite the opposite. At least in your case.   Being rich means losing your right of loving a person and being loved by them as you are nothing but a pawn that is to be exchanged at the right time through the right deal.  Being rich also means you will be traded again and again even if you are a worn out, old, rugged piece because there would be someone always trying to buy you at the lowest possible price.  That’s how you landed on your second arranged marriage (as if the first one had not broken you enough), your second husband and this is the second time you feel like you are falling and breaking, crushing your soul, exhausting your emotions to its extent.  Three years ago you were married to Min Yoongi, someone you loved and someone who loved someone else.  It’s been two years since you divorced Yoongi. It’s been two years since you walked out of his home with a broken heart.   Yes, your love life certainly didn’t gain anything out of your and Yoongi’s broken marriage but your father gained what he was promised with. For a year, you tended your broken heart, your insecurities, you made yourself believe in the fact that you indeed deserved to be loved. Just because your first husband didn’t love you, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world.  Just when you were at the peak of your healing, your father decided to sell you off once again. This time to a larger empire, holding more power, more wealth and endless benefits for your company.

[fay-run]

are we not one in the same?

you, raised like cattle from birth. your blood perverted, corrupted, letting you change your likeness at a moments notice. a gift, they told you. a miracle. but it was no miracle. "father" thrust this upon you before you were even a quickening in helena's womb. this was a curse. you were a puppet, and they showered you with prayers and praises to keep you from seeing. the ultimate assassin, you would be.

then i came. it called to me when i was young, too young to understand. sometimes i still feel the warmth of the blood on my hands, the blood of the ones who raised me from my "birth". i ran, and ran and ran and ran, for years. i stole, i slaughtered, i starved, i survived. and i was barely human when the demon-butler found me. he promised me a home, safety, family. the years had not been kind to me, though i was still a child. i went to the temple and i found you and i felt it must have been fate. though much was still unknown to me, i knew you were my sister the moment i laid eyes on you.

sister. we were still so young. when we could steal away, we would braid each other's hair as we might have if we were born into a simple life. we laughed and cried and confided in one another. you told me how your mother beat you, i told you when i ran the temple one day, she would pay for laying her hands on my sister. it was then you swore yourself to me, to be my right hand when i rose to my birthright. though i think even then, the bitterness in you festered. i saw it when you killed your mother the next week, as if only you should have the right. the demon told me i should have sarevok punish you. perhaps i should have.

the blasphemy i had thought but never uttered during those early years in the temple. how badly i wanted to take you out of that wretched undercity and out into the wilds of faerun. but i was so frightened. i was being threatened and praised as bhaal's chosen-to-be in the very same breath. i was safe for the first time since feeling that blood on my hands. who would i be to take you out to the streets, to endure what i had endured? helena was a witch; but trust me when i say she was nothing to the monsters i had faced.

years passed. a decade; two. a wedge was driven between us beyond our control, tension thickening and thickening until it threatened to snap. pawns. our rivalry was fabricated for the entertainment of a cruel god. neither of us could see beyond our hate; hatred that, when pulled back, was only a cover for the most painful type of love. a love that was not strong enough to withstand fate. because, dear sister, this end was fated from the very beginning.

he knew we would find comfort in one another when we were young, he knew we would see ourselves as one in the same. he knew his influence would place the seed of distrust in the two of us until it grew and grew, taller and faster than we could ever hope to control it. he knew you would betray me.

in many ways, i betrayed you, too.

i was angry for a long time. now, as i stand above your pile of gore, i am just sad. it is over, i am free of him. forever. but why does freedom taste so bitter? is it because i know you were never given this chance i was? is it because i am suddenly remembering you for who you once were to me? you loved the stars when you were a girl. you said you believed each one was its own world, and if the fates had shifted even only slightly, we might have been born on one of them instead.

my sister, i loved you. my sister, i mourn you.