#the general hope is to have myself a very interesting and spooky summer

[cryptidheights]

Hello spooky office my old friend, I've come to haunt your creepy halls again

[asexualbookbird]

insert Imagine Dragons Radioactive Gasp Here

Hi. Coming up for air. I'm surrounded by yarn ends and fabric scraps I'm sweaty and covered in paint. I was a tiny bit productive this July! Made lots of progress on the Irish Lullaby Blanket, painted our balcony, started a few projects I really shouldn't have, and oh yeah! READ EIGHT BOOKS?? Who am I. I'm twelve books ahead of schedule according to goodreads, eleven by StoryGraph standards. It's wild. It helps that my library is holding an adult summer reading bingo contest and I fully intend to fill out the entire board.

The City We Became by NK Jemisin ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐- WAOW. I initially rated this four stars, but sitting on it and coming back to it now, it was absolutely a five star read. I would love to reread it, the world was intriguing, and the AUDIO NARRATOR WAS STUNNING! I do try not to judge the contents of a book by it's narrator, but what a performance! When library bingo is over, I'm listening to book two ASAP.

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oh look! A Classic I actually enjoyed! I don't want to judge horror on whether or not I'm scared, because it IS kind of tough to get to me, but this was fun! I could see the spooks! Even if it wasn't spooky For Me, Personally, it was still a fun time!

The Butcher of the Forest by Premee Mohamed ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oh. Ouchie. A shortie, but a goodie, I'm kicking myself for returning the ebook immediately because I would've liked to go back and reread bits of it if not ALL of it. A not exactly new take on fae, but an interesting one that I actually enjoyed.

Starling House by Alix E Harrow ⭐⭐⭐⭐- I did NOT intend to read this directly after Hill House but I am SO glad I did. THE PARALLELS!!!! The circular story!!!! THE STARLINGS!!!! I laughed, I cried, I yelled at Arthur, there were surprises I genuinely didn't expect, but made so much sense in hindsight. I don't exactly buy the romance, but I'll let it slide this one time.

Ghost Station by SA Barnes ⭐⭐- Two stars is Very Generous. And I'm sticking to it because the concept is still intriguing and if you squint there was some Leech stuff going on. Maybe I should just reread Leech. Sigh. Ophelia was hired to do ONE. JOB. To make sure none of the team members have Want To Murder Disease. And then Birch shows signs of Want To Murder Disease and she KEEPS IT QUIET BECAUSE *checks notes* HE KNOWS HER DAD HAD WANTS TO MURDER DISEASE. Everyone is stupid. They're scientists and everyone is fucking stupid. It wasn't scary, because EVERYONE WAS FUCKING STUPID. Biting all of them.

Thornhedge by T Kingfisher ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Oh T Kingfisher, you have never disappointed me, why do I read anything else. Another fun take on the fae! It's so hard to get me to like a fae book, so GOOD JOB KINGFISHER! I liked the new take on Girl Locked In A Tower, I liked that Toadling was surrounded by love and still encouraged to do what makes her happy. Again, I almost reread (listened. Whatever) this immediately just for funsies. Another banger from T Kingfisher.

The Sun and The Star by Rick Riordan and Mark Oshiro ⭐⭐⭐ - I've been waffling on this rating a LOT. Disclaimer that I haven't read any of Riordan's stuff since the OG Percy Jackson series, and that was ages ago so I can't compare this to that. This was a fun little book, but it felt a little heavy handed with the themes even for a middle grade. It doesn't make me want to read more, but I'm not mad I read it at all.

The Scapegracers by HA Clarke ⭐⭐⭐⭐ - Okay. Listen. Look. Look at me. Was this The Perfect Book? No absolutely not. Was it a banger? Did I have fun? YES ABSOLUTELY YES! It's a book I could've needed in high school, but I wouldn't have been mature enough to appreciate it so I'm glad I have it NOW. Angry Queer Teen Girls will run the world. And I'm here for it. So looking forward to the rest of the series, I need to know what sort of mischief these girls get up to. I hope they curse another fuckboy. They deserve it.

BONUS! I also watched The Haunting of Hill House on netflix! One bingo square said "read a book then what the movie" and I really thought Mike Flanagan's Hill House was a movie but no it was ten (10) hours of spooky fucked up family dynamics. Also Nate Ford was there. Naturally. It was good! It was creepy! I wanna watch it again JUST FOR THE TREE HOUSE. I was skeptical when I first started because who the hell are you people (Steve, Shirley) but no it was fun! But also. Fuck Steven and Shirley. Congrats to Theo and moving in with her girlfriend of one week, peak lesbian stereotypes. Biggest complaint is with Mike Flanagan and his need to not only kill cats, but get close up shots of said dead cats. What's up with that my dude. What did cats ever do to you?

Plans for August (how am I saying that) are The Bone Season side by side comparison with the first edition and the tenth anniversary edition. I'm counting that as two books, I think, because it IS two books, and looking at them next to each other, there's a pretty sizable difference in page count! No clue about word count. This is part of book bingo (reread a book you didn't enjoy the first time), and this has helped me realise that I've been avoiding this for a Reason. I truly and surely did not enjoy The Bone Season and have no desire to experience that again. Don't know what to do with this information. So. I'm rereading it. Yay.

I have a few sewing projects I'm working on, and I am SO CLOSE to finishing the Irish Lullaby Blanket! It's exciting! So lets go!! Bring it on, August!!

[zehecatl]

rec post for @f-eef that got too long for its own good, and is now just. a general rec post i guess

(as of writing, today is the steam summer sale! writing this before that goes live, so no guarantee everything on here is on sale, but! most of these are older games, so it’s likely. keep them in mind~)

- Iconoclasts my absolute favourite game, ever (along with OFF, but shh), if you check out one game from this list, let it be this one. it’s a genuinely almost flawless package, with gorgeous pixel art, fun gameplay, a really good story, and a cast of characters i just. adore. it’s so so so good, and three years later, i’m still not over it

- The Binding of Isaac so there’s this genre called roguelikes, wherein the whole gimmick is that, when you die, you gotta start from the Very Beginning; and the ‘point’ is getting better and better at the game, until you win! it’s super easy to just, play a few runs (they generally don’t last that long!), and then go on with your day, so it’s a really fun game to just waste time in, if you just wanna chill with some game. and, in my personal opinion, Isaac is the best roguelike game, with so much stuff to unlock, a whole slew of items to play with, and so much content it’s kind of unreal. i definitely think the DLCs are worth picking up, but it’s mostly for more content than like. actually being necessary

- Terraria it’s minecraft, but 2D. unlike MC, it’s got a bit of guidance, which i personally prefer, with bosses to fight and such. an absolutely BLAST with other people too

- A Hat in Time a 3D platformer, ala Mario, that’s just. super charming. it’s also really fun to play. i haven’t actually played the DLC’s, since i played it way back, but i’ve heard good things about Nyakuza Metro, which does look super slick, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

- Slime Rancher you are a slime rancher. you ranch slimes. it’s honestly just wholesome as hell, and just exudes happy vibes. mostly for running around and collecting slimes, ngl

- The Messenger really funky retro game, wherein you play a ninja on a mission. it’s primary draw is definitely in its gameplay, but there’s a surprising amount of story for this kind of genre? i honestly really just like this one. it’s neat

- Underhero you play as a cute minion, who kind of like. managed to kill the hero. and whoops, guess you’re doing his job now? it’s got that undertale vibe, though i’d say it’s less polished than it. HOWEVER, it’s absolutely lovely and it’s climax is REALLY good

- Hatoful Boyfriend bird dating sim. trust me. the ‘secret’ finale route is just. *chef’s kiss* fantastic

- Night in the Woods if you don’t mind having a very poignant sad time, oh my god, i could not recommend NITW more. it perfectly captures that period when you’re done with school, and suddenly your whole life is stretching before you, and you feel so so fucking lost, and overwhelmed and pained with it. it’s just. so good. a sadness worth experiencing 

- Shovel Knight another retro game! this one is, pretty much, the king of the genre, and for very good reasons. the first one (shovel of hope) doesn’t have much story, but the latter ones really add on it. they’re honestly just, really solid games! with funky knight characters!!!

- Hyper Light Drifter man, it’s just a masterpiece. everything about it is perfect. it’s been like, five years, and it’s still one of the very best indie games

- Tell Me Why it’s currently free for june! and it’s a story game! plus, if you like the genre, the devs got the ‘Life Is Strange’ serie(s) to delve into!

- Cat Quest honestly, i just really like this little game. the gameplay is SO much fun, and everything else is just. really charming :’)

- Yoku’s Island Express metroidvania, where you play as a dung-beetle post officer, and the gimmick is that it’s pinball-y! it’s really fun, and very cute and just an all around good time :)

- Owlboy you play as an owl boy! named Otus! and you can fly around, and there’s GORGEOUS pixel graphics, and a neat story, and just. the BEST cast of characters. it’s delightful

- Yuppie Psycho + Count Lucanor just gonna bundle these two together, because they’re both REALLY GOOD. YP is the newer one, and is therefore probably ‘the better one’, but i like them both a ton! they’re 2D horror, but i wouldn’t say they’re that spooky? though that might just be because they’re pixel games! you explore spooky place, and weird stuff happens around you. just a really fun time :)

- Angels of Death my FAVOURITE rpgmaker game, it’s main draw is, a 100%, the main characters and the relationship that develops between them. i just love it a whole lot, and it’s got that lil’ tinge of horror that i, personally, fucking adore. there’s actually an anime based on this, but i haven’t seen it myself!

- Celeste curve ball! it’s a 2D platformer! it’s really good, got a ton of accessibility features, and has like. the tightest gameplay- and, on top of that, surprisingly emotional story! 

- Bastion putting Bastion here, because it’s actually the only one i’ve properly played, but you could probably buy any of the Supergiant Games, and come out satisfied. Bastion is the oldest of the bunch, and is definitely a bit less polished for it, but i personally adore it; the gameplay probably hasn’t aged that well, but i think the story and presentation more than makes up for it

- The Darkside Detective funny point and click adventure, with great wit, and a pair of characters i kind of simply adore. it’s main draw is definitely its humour

- Littlewood very wholesome and chill farming game, that feels more like an RPG than something like stardew valley- i’d not recommend it over SV, but if you want more of SV, Littlewood might scratch that itch!

- Pony Island + The Hex absolutely adore both of these, though if i had to rec only one, it’d probably be Pony Island? they’ve both got that undertale-off vibe, though Pony Island definitely leans harder into it. very interesting plays, both of them

- Oxenfree another horror-ish game! primarily story-focused, but oh boy, what a story! i’m a BIG fan of this game, and the sequel was recently announced too! definitely worth a look if you like ghost shenanigans

- Creature in the Well wasn’t a 100% sure if i should rec this, but beside the finale boss, i really enjoyed my time with this! it’s this weird pinball inspired hack and slash, with some amazing vibes

- Kindergarten 1 + 2 they’re just fun little games okay. the 2nd is much more fleshed out, but the 1st one is really fun too

- the Henry Stickmin collection I JUST... LIKE THESE GAMES A LOT... i think you can find the old versions somewhere on the internet, if you wanna check them out first? idk, they’re fun!

- LIMBO + INSIDE personally, i like INSIDE more, but both of these are classics, and also they’re made by a danish team, and i like them a WHOLE LOT

- The Final Station i could not tell you why i like this game as much as i do, but oh my god. i love this game? it’s got a dying world, neat pixel graphics, big zombie apocalypse vibes, and a weird little story

- Year Walk i love Year Walk :)

- Smile For Me if you liked undertale’s lovely cast of characters, oh boy, you’d likely LOVE this game! it’s really, really, fantastic, and the epilogue (not in the actual game lol) hit me right in the feels

- Pikuniku just a fun little game! there’s not really much there, in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a wonderful little play, one of those games that just sets out to give you a good time, and absolutely success. i like it a lot :’)

- A Short Hike wonderful game, where it’s more about exploring the island than actively finishing the game. it’s real wonderful

- ULTRAKILL ANOTHER CURVEBALL! no idea if you like FPS, but oh my god. ULTRAKILL is so fucking good. just an absolute blast to play. there’s a demo to check out, and i’d definitely recommend it, because if it’s a genre you might like, you’ll love this one (OH also it’s in early access, which means it’s not finished yet! personally, i don’t mind that, especially considering this is more gameplay focused, but ya’ know!)

- My Friend Pedro it’s honestly just really fun to play, and sometimes i still think about the implied lore, and go all !!!!

- Little Misfortune another point and click! this one is pretty short, and is set within the same universe as their other game, Fran Bow, which is much bigger, but idk. i like this one. it’s dark cute

- This Strange Realm of Mine i honestly dunno how to explain this one, because it’s kind of weird and a bit odd, but i really like it, in all its weird poetic glory. it’s neat!

- Donut County you’re a terrible racoon who’s ruined the whole city with holes. it’s great and i love it

- OneShot another ‘gives me undertale vibes’, though this one was in development before UT, if i recall correctly! it’s so good, and it’s got some fantastic meta bits, and i love Niko. i love Niko so much

- Inmost gorgeous vaguely spooky game with a neat story... my favourite genre

- Sayonara Wild Hearts i’d call this more of a spectacle than anything else, but oh my god. what a spectacle it is! the OST is amazing, everything about it just hits right, and even if you suck at the gameplay (which i did), it really doesn’t matter, in my opinion? it’s just great all around!

[rpgmgames]

November’s Featured Game: Grimm's Hollow

DEVELOPER(S): ghosthunter ENGINE: RPG Maker 2003 GENRE: Indie RPG, Adventure WARNINGS: Discussions of death, losing a loved one, grief SUMMARY: Grimm’s Hollow is a spooky, freeware RPG where you search the afterlife for your brother. Reap ghosts with your scythe, explore haunted caves, and eat ghostly treats on your journey through death.

Download the game here! Our Interview With The Dev Team Below The Cut!

Introduce yourself! *BB: My name's Bruno and I did some of the music along with Nat! I’m super happy to have participated in this game! *NW: I’m Nat Wesley, a.k.a. Natbird! I’m a composer available for hire with a few projects in the works. I’m honored to have had the chance to work on the soundtrack to Grimm’s Hollow! *GH: Hello! I go by ghosthunter online; I started developing RPGs with a friend in school when we found out that we both enjoyed RPG Horror. I enjoy art, webcomics, cartoons and narrative-driven indie games a lot. I bought RM2K3 on sale and started pouring pixel art into it, before learning how to do things like chase scenes, cutscenes, etc. I used to fantasize about making my own game, drawing dungeons and ghosts in the back of my sketchbooks, before I finally started Grimm’s Hollow. Now I’m near the end of high-school, and I’m hoping the best for uni!

What is your project about? What inspired you to create this game initially? *GH: Grimm’s Hollow, originally, wasn’t as ambitious or personal. It was simply just going to be “my first game”, something that I could finally put my doodles and RM2K3 skills to. I wanted a game that a younger me would have enjoyed, back when I first discovered the classic RPGMaker games and replayed them constantly for those endings. That was my initial inspiration. It eventually evolved into an action turn-based RPG that relies on timing, yet it’s mostly narrative-driven. You traverse death in search of your sibling, and try to make an escape. There are unexpected pieces of me that ended up in this game, some of which I’m still noticing even now.

How long have you been working on your project? *GH: Since the summer of June 2018.

Did any other games or media influence aspects of your project? *GH: Standstill Girl, OFF by Mortis Ghost, Undertale, Over The Garden Wall, and the animation medium in general.

Have you come across any challenges during development? How have you overcome or worked around them? *GH: Many! Making your first game is such a giant learning curve, that the list of challenges goes on. I would say that the most difficult issue I encountered (and that, in some ways, I am still facing after release) is working around the limitations of the game engine I am using. I wanted to see whether creating an engaging but simple 1-party RPG in RM2K3 (without going completely custom) was feasible, and I experimented with quick time events as part of that. I worked around the engine’s built-in formulae so players could see progress when they upgraded their stats - although the game might display as defence as “10”, in reality the game stores it as 40 since the engine splits defence by 4. Since I did not want to create an RPG which was too complex for my first game, I also scrapped traditional staples such as armour or weapons. There were also issues such as having an appropriate “game over” handling event which wouldn’t shoot you back to the title screen after you lost a battle; getting RM2K3 to play a small cutscene where you faint and respawn somewhere else was tricky. I felt that if the player had to reload after a loss, it would disrupt the game flow.

Have any aspects of your project changed over time? How does your current project differ from your initial concept? *GH: Like I mentioned before, the game started off impersonal. I just had a soft spot for a spooky cute aesthetic, and I wanted to indulge in that. It was (and in its essence, still is) meant to be a short story, to keep the player invested for the short game length - nothing grandiose. The original draft did not have Baker play a role in the narrative - he was just an ordinary shopkeeper NPC. For a long time during development, Lavender did not even have a name. In the very first draft, she was a silent protagonist the player could name and customize. But she played a very active role in the final outline, so it was hard not to give her own unique voice when one emerged from the narrative naturally. I am glad I did; she grew on me quite quickly! Grimm was virtually unchanged from beginning to end. The only difference was that a close friend suggested that he seemed like he would be into drinking Oolong tea - so that’s what he offers you when you meet him. Timmy also did not go under massive overhauls like Lavender and Baker did, but his relationship with Lavender became much more fleshed out as I wrote the narrative. In other facets of the game’s design, there were not many changes to the original prototype.

What was your team like at the beginning? How did people join the team? If you don’t have a team, do you wish you had one or do you prefer working alone? *GH: It was just myself, doing the art, writing, programming, etc. But halfway through creating the second cave, I realised I would need a very specific sound for Grimm’s Hollow. So, I contacted Nat for music, but I also created a post on tumblr calling for a composer since there were many tracks to make. I met Bruno as a result! I am very happy with their work and I am so grateful I’ve got to work with them! (Some players are asking for an OST release, which is in the works).

What is the best part of developing a game? *GH: I really enjoyed the early stages of development: creating new tilesets, sprites and maps and piecing them together in the editor, then taking a small screenshot and sharing it with my friend over summer vacation … It was nice to see the game’s world slowly come together. I think that’s what I enjoyed the most from beginning to end: that sense of world-building, that sense of relaxation from making a small cosy game. The latter started to disappear as work and other responsibilities started to intrude, and pressure began to seep into development time - but I never stopped loving making the world and characters. I also want to say that, by lucky chance, I have met a lot of kind people from making my first game. I’m very grateful for that, so thank you to everyone.

Do you find yourself playing other RPG Maker games to see what you can do with the engine, or do you prefer to do your own thing? *GH: All the time! Other RPG Maker 2003 projects are great inspirations for pixel art tilesets, as well as how to code harder features such as custom menus. They’re also just fun to play.

Which character in your game do you relate to the most and why? (Alternatively: Who is your favorite character and why?) *GH: Lavender and Timmy are relatable to me in multiple ways. I can’t elaborate on Timmy since that would go into spoiler territory, but I somewhat relate to Lavender’s insistence on managing her life on her own - sometimes to her own detriment. I’d say the most fun character to write for was Grimm. He can be unintentionally silly while speaking in the most formal way, but also very caring too. Everything he does and says was easy to write, whereas I had to think harder for the interactions between everyone else - especially for very crucial scenes regarding their development. That being said, my favourite is still the game’s central two siblings. I can not pick between them for the life of me.

Looking back now, is there anything that regret/wish you had done differently? *GH: I wish I started testing even earlier! Not only does it give you a good sense of what’s missing, but seeing people enjoy what you’ve made yet get hindered by bugs is a very strong incentive to fix your game immediately. When I was lacking motivation or was stuck, I found that good feedback and support made me motivated again. I also wish that I could have pushed the deadline a little further, or perhaps released the game on Early Access since it will take me a while to refine post-release bugs - but as it is, the 31st of October really was the deadline for my game due to external circumstances (no, that deadline wasn’t just because it was Halloween!). Other than that, I wonder if using an updated version of RPG Maker would have produced the same game …? It’s hard to tell, but I hope people enjoy it for what it is - I will be working on that post-release patch soon!

Do you plan to explore the game’s universe and characters further in subsequent projects, or leave it as-is? *GH: There are no current plans, but I would be happy to have the opportunity to improve and expand on the game. As it is, the game’s released for free and done as a hobby, so I would struggle to do that by myself.

What do you most look forward to now that you have finished the game? *GH: Earlier on, I was really looking forward to players’ reactions. Games are made to be fun, and I would have felt distraught if my game didn’t achieve what it was set out to do. Yet it was not just about the gameplay; it was about the narrative. I hoped that what I found funny, the player would too; what was heartfelt to me, was heartfelt to the player as well. Like sharing a laugh, or just a good experience together. I hoped they would enjoy the feeling that went into it, despite the struggle of making it against circumstance and limitations. Now, I look forward to resting and sleeping once this over. I want to explore my other interests, improve, and explore new media. I want to relax, and refocus again like I was before the heat of development.

Is there something you’re afraid of concerning the development or the release of your game? *GH: Bugs! Some are easy to fix, but others are harder due to the limitations of the engine (e.g an error in one ending is caused by an overflow error).

Do you have any advice for upcoming devs? *GH: Show your game as early as possible, to as many people as possible. As soon as you have something playable, it’s ready for feedback. You’ll see if that game mechanic you spent hours refining works, or if it doesn’t work and why. You’ll understand what players enjoy and what they want more of, but also what they don’t like or don’t enjoy. And you will definitely encounter bugs. You’ll be able to pinpoint and fix minor problems early on that can easily become a larger issue later. You’ll be able to fine-tune your game so its best bits shine, and the difficulty is just right.

Question from last month's featured dev @dead-dreams-dev: Is there anything you’ve added to your game for no other reason than because you’re hoping fans will get a kick out of it? Fanservice, fourth wall breakage, references to other games, jokes, abilities that are just ridiculously overpowered and badass, etc? *GH: It’s hard to say; game design is trying to find the intersection between what’s good for the player, what the developer enjoys, and what’s feasible to implement. Every decision made should be conscious of that … I think a lot of the game’s early light-hearted jokes was not only made because I enjoyed it, but I hoped the player would “get a kick out of it” too. But more so, I think it’s because I would struggle to write a story which is serious and bleak from beginning to end. The game is a little self-indulgent in the narrative that way.

We mods would like to thank ghosthunter & team for agreeing to our interview! We believe that featuring the developer and their creative process is just as important as featuring the final product. Hopefully this Q&A segment has been an entertaining and insightful experience for everyone involved!

Remember to check out Grimm's Hollow if you haven’t already! See you next month! 

- Mods Gold & Platinum

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

thank you! i think you're genuinely the only person that has ever said they actually like the fact that my bathrobe is obnoxiously pink. and you're absolutely right, one of the things i like most about it is that it hurts people's eyes. i love it actually. if you ever celebrate halloween you should absolutely add your bathrobe to your costume. an amazing idea. since it has a mouse face on the hood it could be two costumes rolled into one - both a vampire and a mouse (if in the middle of the evening you get bored of one), which i think would be awesome. and you probably wouldn't get cold (is it cold in nz during halloween? because here it almost always is). we don't celebrate halloween in lithuania either though. which i'm a bit bummed about, because halloween sounds super fun. mostly because of the dressing up! but i did celebrate it once, when i was 11 or 12 maybe? me and a couple of friends decided it would be fun even if it's not really celebrated here. so we dressed up, even went trick ir treating (half the houses had no idea what was happening and also i pretty much froze to death because i was dressed as a dead bride and refused to put a coat on because then you couldn't see my dress) and also watched horror movies. 12 (or 11) year old me thought it was amazing.

oh yeah! i've broken a knife on 2 separate occasions i think. once i tried to get something out of between the blender's blades, used a knife and then accidentally turned the blender on (i'm so fucking glad it was a knife and not my fingers). so the tip of the knife broke off (the blender was ok tho). and the second time i have no idea how it happened. i was cutting up broccoli and the knife just fell apart??? i was so confused, because one second i'm holding a knife and the next it's just two pieces of a handle and the metal part, all separate. had fun explaining that to my dad. you sound pretty unlucky too! i mean, a cut every time you use a knife, but you don't even notice it at the time? i think it's just that knives are out to get us (it's my newest conspiracy theory). i actually get double vision too sometimes! mostly when i'm tired, but i just figured that it was because i have really bad eyesight

they definitely SHOULD teach about gender and sexuality in school. it's a really big problem that in a lot of places it's either not compulsory or not even in the curriculum. honestly, everything i know about sex ed or lgbtq+ i had to learn myself on the internet, because we only had one class when we were like 13 years old with a guest speaker and it was mostly biology and then a little bit about menstruation and pads for girls (i have no idea what they told boys because we were also separated). so sex ed definitely sucks a lot in my country and i bet it's the same in a lot of others, which makes me really mad

exactly!! it's so hard to tell whether i'm feeling romantic or platonic love sometimes! it's confusing. also i remember one time me and a couple of friends had a sleepover and the friend's, who was hosting, parents weren't home so we watched romance movies (scandalous i know). again we were maybe 12. and they kept going "oh he's so hot" and intensely watching the sex scenes. while i was looking away from the tv whenever sexy times were going on and commenting on how much i loved the house design and the garden. gee i wonder what that means. (still can't believe it took me this long to figure out i was ace)

the breakfast went very well though! it's so interesting how different traditions are everywhere. i hope your lunch and the rest of christmas day went well too! (also i forgot to ask last time, but what is boxing day? google says it's mostly a shopping holiday, is it that? we just call it the second day of christmas and it's pretty much the same as christmas day but there's no presents!) but yeah i hope you had fun with your extended family on boxing day!

having acid reflux sounds like it sucks. i love breakfast, it's my favourite meal of the day (when i don't have to rush that is) and i skip lunch a lot because i usually have no time for it (my schedule kinda sucks), so i usually try to have a bigger breakfast. but hey, peanut butter is good! so at least you can have something that tastes good for breakfast!

aaand i feel like this ask got away from me. sorry it's so long!

it’s because i have t a s t e. it may not be GOOD taste but it sure is...taste...and i am proud of it. and yes, i love the idea of adding my dressing gown to my costume specifically because it means i’m basically in my PJ’s. minimal effort. comfort to the max. living the dream. halfway through the night i’m tired of being the vampire no one invites in so i drop to my knees and start the mouse act. mice are good at getting in houses and getting to chocolate and such. the dream. also i absolutely would get bored of one costume within the space of a few hours knowing me, so that’s a plus. uhhhh halloween is october which is. mid-late spring so it really depends on the day. it might be a little cold, might be shorts weather. I rarely leave my house at night so I’m not an expert on nighttime temperatures sdflsdfjsd. 

I used to wish we did Halloween here but that was mostly because I wanted lollies. Although I also liked playing dress up as a young kid so maybe very young me would’ve vibed with the costume aspect. I know there’s a photo of me when I was like, 5 and my best friend of the time dressed up as witches at some point, maybe we had our own little halloween. I also possibly had a halloween themed birthday party once as a kid? I remember the little gift bags having spooky things in them and also possibly a bat cake but my memory is too bad to remember for sure. aha that’s the problem here too, no one locally would ever think to buy lollies to give out so it’d just be like um. you can have an apple I guess? at least you had fun though! i respect the commitment to the costume despite the cold. 

that is such a stressful story to read, i fear for your life. although i understand the knife breaking in that first scenario. that would be terrifying though. what if the blender launched it,,, nOPE. i’m very glad it wasn’t your fingers, that’s some horror movie shit. the second time is just,, it be like that sometimes. it was probably just waiting to happen. my parents have a cheese grater with a loose handle and it. falls off. every time. i dry it. with the dishes. and every time i fear for my life as the grating bit drops off towards my feet as i’m left holding the handle. i should expect it by now but i never do. I get scared every time it happens. knives are definitely out to get us, i fully support this conspiracy theory. oh yeah, tiredness doesn’t help with double vision. i kind of need bifocal glasses by now but I also don’t want bifocal glasses so i just suffer but I suspect having them would reduce the double vision. maybe. maybe not.

yup! i remember someone handing out tampons and pads at primary school, i assume after giving a talk about periods, idk. i do also remember a teacher pulling the girls aside and being like yo, this is what a period is, here’s a horror story about my daughter and a tampon, enjoy the trauma, go back to class. good times. we did actually get really comprehensive sex ed concerning most things at my high school but that is faaaarrr from the norm around here, clearly. although teenage boys are good at filling in gaps, in my experience. they’re like little sex encyclopedias that offer up information without you asking. i didn’t ACTUALLY want to know that but i do now, i guess, thanks michael. 

dude. the ‘oh he’s so hot’ comments are so confusing. ‘hot’ is like a category of attractiveness that I’ve never understood. ‘isn’t he hot?’ what does that MEAN rebecca. i think i asked once if it meant like, attractive or good looking. and the person i asked was like, you know, hot. you just look at them and, you know- no i don’t know. what is this. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a sex scene with people my age though, generally i just zone out for them sdkfhskdfh. i feel like there’s definitely all these indicators when you look back like oh yeah, should’ve realised i was ace then, but it’s just. such a hard sexuality to figure out. not that other sexualities aren’t but you’ve got to figure out an absence of something when you don’t even know what the something feels like- it’s a challenge.

I’m glad it did! It is interesting, for sure. I’ve always been interested in how winter Christmas’s work. As a young kid I didn’t understand hemispheres...obviously...i was like 5...and i’d go out on Christmas morning to see if there was snow. and sometimes it’d be a bit chilly in the morning and I’d be like damn. we almost had some this year. it’s a shame our climate tends to be too hot for snow on christmas :// like no you tiny dumbass it’s summer you little idiot there will be no snow no matter what. everything ended up going super well here :). boxing day is basically just a shopping holiday, i don’t know if it has any significance in any other way, i’m sure it did at one point, but i know there’s always boxing day sales everywhere. I think it’s also a public holiday (?) to give people another day off work and that, but I could be wrong there. I know I also used to regularly go to the races (horse races) nearby that were always held on boxing day, it was like a 150 year old tradition or something until people in attendance started dropping and I think they finally shut it down a couple years back. I didn’t care all that much about the horses but they also had food and carnival-type rides and such for the kids which is why I loved it. also we tended to meet extended family there for a picnic lunch.

acid reflux is like the least of my problems sdfkjshdkf. it’s annoying but it’s pretty managed with medication, I have to watch certain foods and drinks but I’m used to it by now. I think it’s also what causes me to not be able to eat large amounts normally so I survive a lot on snacks and a reasonable sized dinner. works for me. but peanut butter is good! i’m glad i can have that! I used to also have vegemite but that’s a bit more of a push, it’s easier to stick with peanut butter.

also it’s fine!! my responses are always very long too sdfjhskdf.

[artofabeginner]

The Totally Not Normal Train Station

There is something to be said about the aura in a train station. People bustling to and from different places, unaware of how time stands still as they wait. There is something to be said about the people that use the train station located on E. Federal Dr. They are the type of people who care little for the rules of the universe or the rules of time.

For example, see that man with the extremely tall top hat? The one who looks like he came out of the 1850′s? His name is Michael Kain, he is not in fact from the 1850′s. He is from the 2080′s. Shocker right. Don’t worry, top hats don’t come back into fashion. He’s on his way to a convention. 

Don't look shocked, here. Look at that woman in the sun dress, now I know what you are thinking, “Why is she wearing a sundress on this cold and chilly winter day.” It's because it’s not. In fact, she is currently living in last summer. I think she's on her way to meet her date.  How do I know? Look at the date on her ticket and the flowers in her other hand. Spooky right? Not really, I know her. She likes  to relive this one, not entirely sure why.

  Look at that child over there. The boy with the blonde hair and the blue eyes, who is currently wearing a red striped shirt and jeans. You didn’t notice him before? No shocker there, that's the point. His job is to look as generic as possible. Why? I just told you, it's his job. 

  Now look at that dog over there, isn’t it cute? No nothing is wrong with the dog, it's just a dog I wanted to point out, sheesh. Now that alley cat over there, that ain’t no cat. Look at it closely, look at its fur, how it flickers in and out of sight? How it glides through the shadows, how no one notices it as it curls through their legs. It's familiar of course. And if there is a familiar there's a witch! 

Look at that man over there, he is the only one who acknowledges it. What do you mean how do I know! Look at him, he keeps peering towards it as he reads that newspaper upside down, he is clearly the witch. Look at his bag, can you see the herbs poking out? Don’t worry, it's basil. Stop freaking out, Basil is used for protection, which he so clearly needs.

Ugh, look behind him, that man in the shadows, it’s a federal agent. Oh, come now, did you really think the feds wouldn’t be looking for him? What for? For magic use obviously! Of course, it's a bit too late for a protective spell, can’t do much against the law I suppose. 

Now that woman over there is interesting, I’m not 100% sure what she is. I mean there are so many different races it's hard to keep track! No, stupid. I’m not talking about human races; I’m talking about aliens. She could be a martin, but they don’t usually appear as a woman. Although, that would be the greatest disguise. 

Now, now. Ignore her, she isn’t looking for trouble, that person in the corner, by those trash cans, now they're looking for some trouble. In fact, from the looks of it, they're about to start a fight with the woman standing next to them. Of course, that won’t do anything, seeing as she's a ghost and last I checked you can't punch a ghost. Believe me.

Oh, here comes the train. No, don’t get on. It’s not ours, it's theirs. You clearly haven’t been here before. There are multiple trains that go through this station some are for us, and some are for the others. This one in particular houses the circus. No not a circus, THE circus. That woman in the corner is going to get on, so is that man near the stairs. It’s funny though, seeing as they are on opposing sides, of course THE train is the only place they will get any privacy! Star crossed lovers obviously. It's like you've never been in love with the killer clown of the opposite circus, whose leader is a master sorcerer who is threatening to kill your mother. 

Oh, Look at that woman who's just come down the stairs. Her name is Emily Van Weber. She runs this train station. She is very powerful, so I wouldn’t talk to her. Of course, she is powerful, her last name is Weber? As in of the Weber family? As in the world best time weavers? Wanna know something funny? She was supposed to take over the family business, but then she took a trip to Venus and fell in love with this alien who I believes’ human name is Ken, so she ditched everything and made a bunch of  underground, illegal train stations, like this one, who defy the laws of time and space. She is technically wanted by the entire galaxy. She also runs an underground bunny smuggling operation. Yeah yeah, keep laughing, but there are times and places that don’t have bunnies and will pay a lot for some.

Now that man next to her is definitely not Ken. I think he’s Alexander Murdoch. The future president. Don’t worry, you won’t live to see him rule. He's super corrupt, but like he’s chill with the place existing, so long as we hook him up with 1920’s dishwashers. Hey! It's actually the most smuggled item in his time, you can make a load of money, and it's super illegal. Like “punished by death” illegal. Eh, I'm not sure why, I don't take trips to his time often, it's quite boring really, and by this time the protests have quieted and the people are complacent, which is clearly no fun.

Don’t look down trodden. Here, look at this badge. Yes, I know it looks worthless, but it's from a rebel group a couple of years after his “death”, don't question the quotation marks, and I am a part of it. They totally tear down the government and like it's pretty dope. Why wouldn’t I be? It's a rebellion!  

Alright, quiet down, I want to hear their conversation. Well I want to know what type of dishwasher he’s looking for, so I can get it first. I'm going to sell it to him obviously. Ugh, okay so here's how the deal between them works, she doesn't need to get it for him, but as long as someone who works or uses the trains sells it to him then it's fine. Don't be like that, I am a part of the rebellion, I am also making money on the side. Yeah, it's a bit manipulative, but it's not like the rebels know about this place, besides we’ve tried to start a rebellion sooner, but there is only so much one can change.

Is that... Oh crap, Stand in front of me. No not like that, like this. Now don’t look at me, it'll blow my cover.  That woman over there, the one who just showed up, the one in the wedding dress. We aren't on great terms, in fact most of the people here aren't on good terms with her. She is probably going to her wedding, or well one of them at least. She is literally married to someone in each era. It keeps her cover up. She is looking for a way to bring her true love back. Doesn't seem hard I know, considering time means nothing in these parts. But here's the thing, her love doesn’t exist. Okay, okay, wait till she leaves and I’ll explain.

Did she get on the train? Good. That means she's headed for the 80’s, interesting.  Anyway, like her love used to exist, but then she was caught committing this suuuper bad crime, so they uncreated her? I can't tell you what she did, just that I helped catch her. Which, in hindsight I feel bad for, considering I kind of agree with her. But that's not important anymore, she can't be brought back because she no longer exists. Don't look so scared, you wouldn't even be able to commit the kinda crime that would get you uncreated, your body literally would not survive it.

On another note, have you seen that man that was standing at the stairwell, when she came in? He entered the train? Great, just great. Well I was supposed to meet him a couple years ago, thought I would explain myself to him, but seeing as he's already popped into the 80’s and I really don't like the 80’s, I’ll see him some other time. No, the 1980′s are fine, in talking about the 3080′s. It's kind of a mess. Don’t worry about it, just some mega virus turning people into mindless pigs. Eh, they figure it out, but y'know, a lot of people get sick, and I really can't deal with it. 

Welp. Guess that's that. Where am I going? Nowhere, you’re leaving. Well, your train is here, and you have to go. Tell you what, if you find this place again, I’ll be waiting. I’ll tell you more next time. But for now, you have to go. Or else, you'll be here for another couple hours, and you don't have that kind of time. Heh, time.  Hurry the trains going to leave!

Goodbye! See you in a couple of years! Stay away from milk, trust me! Also stay away from your parrot. Oh, did I say that out loud?  Don’t worry about it! Bye!

As I said before, there something about the train station on E. Federal Dr. Just like there is something about the train Station on SW. Kentucky RD. Or on NE. Venusian St. It’s not the fact that technically these streets don't exist or that the train station cannot be found by those who don't deserve to find it. But rather. it's about those who are considered worthy of it that really make the place what it is. I mean, who decides that a smuggler, a ghost, a killer clown, a spy, an alien, and you are all worthy? The aura of this place, an aura filled with the weirdest of things, time and space and hope and power and love and hate. This aura that shouldn't exist, but does. It is the aura of the worthy, and only those who understand that enter.

[queensdivas]

A Damned Soul Chapter 4 (A Vamp Gwil Fic)

I’M BACK FROM THE DEAD BITCHES! Yes I have a concussion but I gotta power through it because I love writing and missed writing this book. Also! 39 isn’t dead! I’m bringing it back bitches because I’ve missed writing Pat Murray so badly! 

Here ya go ladies and gentlemen! If you’d like to request a certain bohrap or Queen dad let me know. If you would like to be tagged also let me know! Please enjoy because I’m back and more head issues than ever! WHOOP WHOOP! 

Previous Chapter

Taglist: 

@mexifangorl @i-live-for-queen @leah-halliwell92 @its-funny-til-its-not@bonafiderocketqueen @b-i-g-i-r-l-b-i @teathymewithben @mayofbrian@brianmydear @sprite-jh

The top was down as the warm summer night of warm July was wrapping itself around the car. It felt nice..and it being a very long time since I found myself in America. Not that I don’t mind the states at all, just enjoy a quick visit every once in a while for the kicks of it. Never imagined she would drag me over here..but somehow she managed to wound up over here. 

Stopping at the red light as she began fumbling through the radio station till a familiar guitar riff was beginning to play. John Denver has swept the nation with his new song Country Roads, but Annie's song really hit it home for her that summer to turn out being the song that would play nonstop in the car. 

A very loud Volkswagen van pulled up next to us, rolling down the window as all the smoke from the van came out. I’ve never been high in my life, but the amount of smoke that came from that van would’ve made anyone high. It was so damn strong that I think we got a context high from it. 

“Hey brother. Do you know how to get to Shark Island? We heard that there’s some voodoo lady who can hit us up with more weed!” So how does Voodoo and weed connect? Now I’m curious on where to even find this voodoo. My entire life I’ve been dealing with witchcraft..but voodoo has been something interesting since it’s even older than most witchcraft. 

“Yeah. Actually we’re on our way there to find her ourselves.” Robin told them as they nodded. 

“Alright! Road trip!” They yelled as the light turned green for the van to start driving hard down the road. 

“C’mon. I’m a witch and would enjoy learning about voodoo. If you don’t wanna go we don’t have to.” Shifting into the next gear then flooring the gas pedal. We caught up with the Volkswagen to keep up the same speed, the hippies were screaming at us through the window as Rolling Stones was blasting through their van. 

“Let’s get there before the pot heads.” She encouraged as I let off the accelerator to change into the next gear. Pushing my foot all the way down on the peddle to zoom past the van. Robin cheered as she also turn up the radio. 

“COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER YOU'RE MY KIND OF MAN! SO BIG AND SO STRONG! COME A LITTLE BIT CLOSER! I’M ALL ALONE AND THE NIGHT IS SO LONG!” She sat up in the car to allow the wind to blow her hair all over the place and her body to be enticed by the music and wind. 

Stopping the car on the roadway that was lit only by a long line of torches down to the large mansion. In the middle of swap island? Why exactly do I get myself thrown in these situations where we end up in the middle of somewhere like back in Transylvania. 

“What do you think? Super spooky?” She giggled as we began going down the driveway slowly. Owls and cicadas were roaring all over the woods as we eventually stopped at the house. The large red doors opened as a very old women dressed in all blue came out of the doorway. She carried a gold cane that smacked onto the ground for the torches around us to become brighter. 

“I presume you’re here for my services?” Her voice carried through the entire property as we climbed out of the car. 

“You may come inside. Shoes off at the door.” It was like watching a ghost floating away, leaving a trail behind her. She grabbed my arm to guide me up the stairs as the humidity of the swamps fell on top of us like a wool blanket. 

Before she started up the stairs to the house to wrap her arms around my neck as I put my hands on her waist. Placing those beautiful lips against mine as my hands gave her waist a little squeeze. Her beautiful brown skin was glowing by the vast amount of fire around us.

“Careful..or the voodoo that we do will tear our souls.” She giggled as she ran up the stairs to start taking off her sandals. Taking off my tennis shoes to see her already walking through the mansion, her fingers grazing over everything in the hallway. Her dark yellow skirt was flowing as we walked to the sitting room to which I was so damn enticed that I forgot to notice she stopped walking. 

“My name is Wislande Janvier. You come seeking answers over a little situation you two are constantly in.” Pouring black pebbles into a tiny circle then a cluster of white feathers in the middle. 

“Situation? What do you mean a situation?” Robin chuckled as the snap of her fingers the white feathers burned into a white smoke. 

“She doesn’t know? Your story is as old as they come, though is slowly disappearing from the world.” Wislande began making the smoke dance in front of her as it danced its way over to Robin. 

“Open your eyes.”

“How come you never changed her?” Hyacinth broke my train of thought from the living room. Fixing my jacket in the mirror as I took one last glance to make sure I looked somewhat decent. Each time I always try to look somewhat presentable even though over the years it's gone from tights...to suits..to now jeans. I very much prefer jeans instead of tights. 

“Don’t think I haven’t tried in the beginning. Each time I even attempt to change her it would end up cause her body to immediately shut down. Like her body just flicks off whenever it hits her vessels. Tried it for the first few times, but it was just so much more painful.” Walking out into the living room to see Hyacinth was sitting on top of the couch licking himself. Oh god stop stop stop! He must’ve known what I was thinking because he looked up..smirked and continued to give himself a bath on my couch. 

“Hyacinth. If you’re going to live in my home then..then we gotta lay some sort of guidelines.” Sighing as I stood above him. God just realizing how big he is sitting on the couch. Think they call him mainecoons or something but regardless of what cat he is! No bathing on my couch!

“But what about the rest of your homes? Because if I could have the house in Montreal or even the one in Aswan that would be quite exquisite. Wait how many places do you have now by this point? Eleven? Twelve? You wouldn’t happen to have one in Alaska or very far north Canada? Do tell so when we fix this sticky situation I can have a nice place to return.” Glad to know that my vast amount of properties across the world is more important than him showing some sort of house manners. Scoffing as I noticed an empty moving box was sitting right next to the table with the tape right on top of the table. Let me try this one more time before I pack his furry arse up. 

“Just..no cleaning yourself up on my furniture..I have a bathroom and you’ve been around long enough to know that it's just weird to do that right in front of me or everyone in general. I imagine in your lifetime you’ve had a vast amount of owners who would let you do whatever you want in their house. But I’m different as you can see. Just no more bathing yourself on my furniture please.” His head came back up to stare directly at me. Raising his paw up to his mouth gradually with those eyes squinting at me. Oh I wish he would! OH I HOPE HE DOES! His tongue sliding against his fur as I nodded, getting up from the ground to nod at his actions. 

“Fine. I’ll give you one of my places! Now..how would you like to be sent there?” Snatching him up by his stomach to keep a tight grip around him so he wouldn’t budge. 

“Hey hey! Let me go you bloodsucker!!” Screaming as I tossed him into the box. Quickly closing the flaps to start taping up the box. 

“You realize that I’m a cat! I love boxes!” He wasn’t moving or trying to jump out of the box. Shocking. Maybe when I’m done taping his arse up he'll start getting ancy. Don’t worry I don’t plan on sending him anywhere. He’ll just be going with me into town so he can start “fixing” my situation. 

“If you were just a regular cat yes! But your human side can’t stand living in a box!” He went silent as I tossed the tape to the side of the room. A few seconds passed as he began scratching the box. 

“Okay you had your fun! Let me out!” Time to go see her. Picking up the now heavy box since this guy is stupidly big for some reason. He began moving around to the box and it almost caused me to drop it. 

“Okay okay! I promise I’ll stop the licking on the couch. Can’t exactly pop into the shower with you and diving into salt water won’t solve the problem! Now let me out!” He was so close to getting out till he screamed at me to let him out. 

“If you’re so old and so wise..why on earth have your manners not developed.” Locking the cottage door to then begin walking towards the car. He was still screaming at me to let him out, but was being drowned up with my humming of some simple John Denver. Though American..he still has some very beautiful songs. 

Throwing him into the passenger seat as I walked over to his side of the car to begin putting the top of the hood up. Yes the sun is going away, but it looks a little more cloudy than I like to have a top down. My playlist was already beginning to play as Hyacinth was hissing in the box. 

“Please no John Denver!” Walking towards the other side of the car to put my side of the hood up. 

“Why? Can’t stand good music?” He was quite till his eyes looked through the handle holes. 

“I just don’t want to cry.” This is for cleaning yourself up on my couch. Turning the dial as he was beginning to meow obnoxiously in the box. Listen to it and wheat bitch! Climbing into the driver side of the car as John began singing through the radio. 

“Screw you Gwil.” He was actually cry!? Glad to know that one thing he can do besides be a pest is to be an amusement by watching him sob to John Denver. Putting the car into reverse as I began turning us around, then beginning to drive down the dirt path to get on the main road. 

“MEEOOOWWW!” Ignore him. 

“MMMMMEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!” He’s being a little attention seeker. Just ignore him. 

“MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW MEOW!” Nope. Not giving him the stupid satisfaction of annoying me and him getting out of the box. 

“Fine. Two can play at this game bloodsucker!” HE coughed a little then stuck his head out in one of the handle holes. 

“BUT THE COLORADO ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH! I’VE SEEN IT RAININ FIRE IN THE SKY! SHADOWS FROM THE STARLIGHT IS SOFTER THAN A LULLABYE!” 

“DON’T YOU DARE INSULT THE MUSIC OF JOHN DONVER!” He wouldn’t! He wouldn’t dare insult the signing of John Denver! 

“ROCKY MOUNTAIN HIGH!” Turning the car sharply to the side of the road then parking it on the side. Ripping open the box to see him with big stupid eyes looking like regret. 

“Fine. You can have the house in Alberta Canada if you stop meowing like alittle twat AND NEVER INSULT THE MUSIC OF JOHN DENVER!” He smiled as he climbed out of the box, kicking it to the floor then getting comfy in the seat. 

“Glad we can come to an agreement. What part in Alberta?” 

“Right on the shore of Eva Lake. Absolutely gorgeous since no one travels that far north. So the air is very refreshing.” He purred as he sunk into the chair as I got back onto the main road. 

Pulling up to the curb as I climbed out of the car with Hyancith falling slowly behind. He kept purring as we got closer and closer to the shop as my fingers began feeling a little numb from the fact of this happening again. 

“Oh my god are you really nervous?” Snapping at me before I could open the door. Is it wrong to be nervous. 

“Well I can’t help it ya know.”

“Open the stupid door you bafone.” He tried jumping on top of my shoulder but I dodged his jump for him to fall on his feet. Shaking his head as he sat back down on his butt. 

“That was rude of you. I was going to hide in your jacket so she wouldn’t notice me.” For someone who calls himself wise..he sure is a dumbass. Like she wouldn’t notice a large bump in my clothing. 

Walking into the store with him poking his head out from the back of my jacket. This was so stupid! The door closed behind us as a woman came out of the back with a wooden crate filled with some sort of jars. 

“What can I help you with?” She began unpacking the crate as I approached her. 

“Ummm..I would like to have a scrying done by..umm..Miss Robin La Torneau? I was planning on getting it done when you were in Highbridge but you two left before I could even give it a shot.” Nervously laughing as I felt Hyacinth shaking his head behind me cause his whiskers were tickling my cheek. 

“She went to buy some fish for dinner, should be back in a few minutes or so. Knowing her she got distracted by some kind of animal or some sort of attraction a person has on the side of the street. Please sit at the table behind the curtain till she gets back.” Nodding as I walked through the curtain to sit down at the table. Hyacinth climbed out of my jacket to walk all over the table trying not to knock over anything. 

The room was egg white that had painted leafs and branches all over the walls and even the ceilings. The only light source in the room was a light that had vines with little lights acting as leafs. It felt so magical oh my god. 

An old blue wardrobe had a bunch of herbs, a collection of different colored candles,  a bunch of small knives, some kind of mixing bowl, and other witchy things were in the wardrobe. I’ve never seen her shop before so decked out in so many different spices, and everything else. 

“Has she always been this witchy? I swear this place looks like something you would see on Pinterest. But an actual witch place. Do you know if she has skulls in a secret closest or even lambs in the back for sacrifices?” What a furry ass hole! 

“A dog? Since when are you into dogs?” Shit! Hyancith looking at the curtain for his fur to start rising. Shit shit! Yanking him from the table to shove him back underneath my jacket. 

“Let me out! I’m going to kill that dog!” He was muffling from my jacket till I zipped it up then smacking the back of it. 

“Don’t say a word otherwise we’re screwed!” Yelling through my teeth as she was moving stuff around in the other room. He was still moving around in the back of my jacket till I leaned back into the chair for him to stop moving. Looking like a fucking hump on my back as she came into the room. 

Her beautiful wild curly hair, her beautiful golden skin was shining with the dimmed lighting in the room. Those beautiful grass green eyes lost in her looking at me..and this dumbass cat on my back. 

She wore a long high waisted red skirt with a black dress shirt that had a little bow tie around the collar. Small black heels were on her feet as she was tapping her foot. Every time we come into contact she gets all nervous and her foot always starts tapping. 

“Good evening sir..ummm. May I ask what kind of reading were you wanting today?” She looked so beautiful so nervous in front of me. 

“No real preference.” Come to think of it..would it be a good idea for her to read my future or anything? Would that cause another sort of body shut down? 

“Figured I’d try something a little different and do some capnomancy..sound okay?” Nodding to her as my thumb as began moving in small circles. She was beginning to gather things from the wardrobe. 

“So I heard that you came all the way from Highbridge to see little old me.” Little old you? 

“Ummm yes.” 

“You’re totally blowing it!” Smacking my back as she spun around to see what happened. Acting natural as if it was her imagination doing the voices. Stupid cat! Causing so many stupid troubles in my life! 

[thirteen-jades]

Get to know the blogger:

1. FIRST NAME: I guess I’ve not really kept this very secret, so might as well put it out there officially again. Jade.

2. STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF: What isn’t strange about me, honestly? If I had to pick, I get occasional taste, smell, and auditory hallucinations. The first two especially tend to be pretty pleasant, often things like cookies or other sweets.

3. TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON: Honestly I think the only people that I really register as being attractive are those I’m romantically interested in already? If I had to list some things, I think for women I’d say medium-sized breasts, red/brown/unusual hair colors, and… I’m not sure about a third thing, other than “not things I find unattractive”. As for men, mostly it’s non-physical things afaict, though height/strength may play into it some? Being princess carried is 10/10 super hot.

4. A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF: I tend not to get bored of the things I eat, I don’t think? I have a pretty limited rotation of foods that I step through and it doesn’t bother me much. Orange chicken is nice.

5. A FOOD YOU HATE: I don’t typically think of myself as hating foods or being a picky eater but in retrospect I don’t like: hot/spicy things (red pepper on pizza is about my limit, though I do often put it on mine), anything even remotely bitter, or things with a texture like raw seafood. That crab stuff in sushi seems to be fine but sashimi is super uncomfortable and I don’t like any non-fish seafood that I can think of.

6. GUILTY PLEASURE: It’s hard to remember the last time I really felt guilty about much of anything; mostly I don’t do things that make me feel bad. I like chocolate with caramel, I guess? Don’t feel guilty about it though.

7. WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN: Lately it’s been sweatpants. Used to sleep naked and might go back sometime.

8. SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS: Serious relationships are great. I’ve had pretty limited experience with them and seem to struggle to do romantic love in general but would very much like to have a loyal (if perhaps polyamorous; that doesn’t seem to bother me so much) partner that I love dearly. I might not mind having more than one partner myself but I’m not really gonna worry about #2 until I find #1 at this point.

9. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE: Changing the past is spooky and dangerous. Do Not Want.

10. ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON: I don’t think so. I can be affectionate towards certain friends, and would very much like to have a better chance to be more affectionate, but overall I tend to be fairly detached from others.

11. A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN: Rewatching/re-consuming things is painful and uninteresting for the most part. I used to reread books and stuff when I had limited access to things but nowadays I don’t see why I’d do it and hate watching movies I’ve seen before.

12. FAVORITE BOOK: I don’t really have the attention span to read books anymore unfortunately. Probably either a textbook of some kind or some TTRPG book. Or the thing I’m writing, if that can really be called a book. Which it probably can, actually?

13. YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE: Fantasy animals included? That’s hard and would need some aggressive research to find which creature is best suited to transform me into a monstergirl. IRL animals only? Fox, cat, or snake probably. Am not really well-suited to caring for a pet now, so it’ll have to happen later in my life. But I’m in no rush anyway.

14. TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL]: This one’s hard. I am not very interested in or focused on romance in general. I daydream about my own OCs a lot, but don’t really do shipping so much.

15. PIE OR CAKE: I love me some French silk pie.

16. FAVORITE SCENT: Wish I could smell well enough to have an answer for this one.

17. CELEBRITY CRUSH: I don’t care about or even know any celebrities to crush on, nor do I do crushes or romance in general afaict. So, none.

18. IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO: I’d have to visit my friends, I think. If I weren’t confined to earth or this reality my options would increase a lot; I’d love to visit any of my settings or the Moon or something if I were properly equipped to survive in them.

19. INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT: Wildly introverted. Spent most of the last summer talking to zero people face-to-face and was pretty much fine with that. It’s not uncommon for me to go whole days without face-to-face socializing and be unbothered by it. With my online friends, while I do interact more often I often need to pull away a little to recharge and can’t do constant contact with people. It’s also hard for me to initiate contact with anyone.

 20. DO YOU SCARE EASILY: I don’t think so.

21. IPHONE OR ANDROID: Android.

22. DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES: Yep. Not super often nowadays, and it’s taken me like 2 months to get most of the way through Code Vein, but I do enjoy them. I play a bit of Star Wars Battlefront 2, Classic (2005) as well, and am actually a moderator for a Discord server for that game. It’s a good time.

23. DREAM JOB: Well, some kind of engineer, I’d hope. Seeing as that’s what I’m getting my PhD in. If I were restricted to things practical in this world I’d probably pick what I’m going to end up doing, which is working with semiconductors and the like. Or an astronaut. If we open this up to sci-fi or fantasy, there’s too many things I’d love to list.

24. WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS: Save it, mostly? Pay off student loans and make sure my friends are set for a good long time and save/invest the rest. I’d make sure to spend a little bit upgrading my computer and visiting my friends, as well.

25. FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE: I sincerely can’t think of anyone or anything I hate, let alone a fictional character. Shinji Matou is an asshole I guess?

26. FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER: It’s kinda depressing how many things I loved until I got distracted and forgot all about them, but I often enjoy rediscovering and coming back to them. Homestuck would be the best example of one I used to really love and genuinely can’t get into nowadays though. I liked it, but I think the magic is largely gone for me. Moment’s passed and all.

[sawthefaeriequeen]

Top Ten Books Read In 2018

1) The Last Summer of the Death Warriors by Francisco X. Stork

I picked this up at a book fair, read the summary, and figured I'd surprise myself with this author I'd never heard of before. It's about the friendship between DQ, a guy with terminal cancer dealing with his complicated feelings for his estranged-but-conciliatory family, and Pancho, a guy who's biding his time until he can get revenge on the person who's killed one of his family members. I like that both boys are raw and real and people—Pancho obviously has messed up emotions, but DQ can be plenty bitter and angry too: he's not an Inspirational Cancer Patient stereotype.

2) The Sherwood Ring by Elizabeth Marie Pope

Girl moves into her uncle's old ancestral house sometime during the 18th century and gets immersed into the past lives and loves of the ghosts that thrived there during the days of the Revolutionary War, their paths often crossing each other's. I swear I have never seen more delightful ghost characters in my entire life.

3) The Unbound by V.E. Schwab

So by the time I'd picked this up, I was having mixed feelings about V.E. Schwab – on one hand, she'd always written worlds that engage me almost instantly with their creativity. On the other hand, I'd just recently been horribly disappointed by the ending to what's been her most popular series so far: I thought her final Shades of Magic book did a most spectacular job on dropping the balls on everything good about it. Up to reading it, I'd thought the author's hype was deserved. But after, well…

So when I picked this up, it was with much trepidation. I'd loved the previous book, The Archived: the big old house setting, the grim closed-off girl/sweet sunny boy dynamic the lonesome warrior setup, all were like catnip to my id. I didn't want it ruined by a bad sequel. Fortunately, this book took everything I loved about the book and turned it up to eleven. It upped the stakes, it intensified the relationships, and it also added a mental illness angle that I personally found very meaningful.

The author is still kiiinda on notice so I'm not sure I want a third book. If there is one, dear God, please be good. *crosses fingers*

4) Turtles All The Way Down by John Green

I remember thinking, as I was reading this: this is really, really working for me but will it work for someone neurotypical? 2018 was hell and I was just so desperate for the people in my life to get it, and so I kept hopping on trains of thought like this.

Anyway, this book was spot on in what goes on in the wirings of my anxious brain. Green's usual turns of phrase took an incredibly frenetic turn at times, which, I know, is exactly what it's like to have a mental illness. This is not a book about "this is what to do" it's about how it IS or how it can GET.

I'm still really grateful for that quote about the spiral – how it tightens, but also how it eternally widens. When I first saw the cover, I thought it was kind of blah; now I look at that spiral and see something different. I see the hope of creating a new 'normal'.

5) The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

This was so readable it surprised me. I thought I'd go slow on it because: war story where it's a foregone conclusion that it ends tragically for the leads? Yeah, I'm not in a rush to reach the end of that. But I blazed right through this book. There's something really addictive about Madeline Miller's storytelling and how she brings her characters together and follows their blossomings and downfalls through the years. And then, the course of the Iliad and the inevitable sadness for Achilles, Patroclus, and Briseis was more like the slow turning of the tide rather than getting hit with a tidal wave. Anyway, not only was it readable but I'm finding myself eager to re-read it.

6 ) The Hero and the Crown by Robin McKinley

Part of my Read Everything Robin McKinley Writes mission that began last year. I'd liked the sheer escapism and the desert setting in The Blue Sword, but that whole white savior thing kinda put me off from enjoying Harry and the book more fully than I would've liked.

It was not so for this book, thankfully! Who knew that reading about the nitty-gritty of slaying big scaly beasts could be so satisfying? That's classic Robin McKinley, as I'm learning – you love what the protag loves. And then I really dug how the dead dragon's ghost haunting Aerin acts as a metaphor for mental illness.

(As I continue to wrestle with my diagnosis, I continually appreciate all the depression/anxiety metaphors I encounter in media. Maybe one day I'll make a post about it) AND ALSO: a love triangle that's actually well done and that serves our heroine's identity and character rather than taking away from it? Yes. Yes, thank you.

7) A Certain Slant of Light by Laura Whitcomb

Yeah so, this book killed me. It's about two twenty-something ghosts with unfinished business who find themselves in the bodies of two teenagers whose souls appear to have completely vacated theirs. They find themselves falling for each other and trying to find out what happened to their 'hosts' and what went on in their past lives. They also find themselves battling to survive the hostile home lives that their 'hosts' left behind. It's all very beautiful and kind of twisted and also a love letter to words and probably my most unexpected book of the year. And I have NO idea to rec it to people. "Read this, it's kind of fucked up but gorgeous but also can get triggery so step warily?" Uh.

8) Deerskin by Robin McKinley

See warnings above. Oh God. But really, I totally respect Robin McKinley for going full-out faithful to how utterly fucked up fairy tales can be while still creating a survival story. I'm not just talking about Lissar surviving spoilers incestual rape and miscarriage (indeed, I'm not qualified to talk about it) but how hers is a story of healing: by surviving the elements, by nursing living things back into life, by building herself up into a legend without even knowing it.

9) Muse of Nightmares by Laini Taylor

Just an incredibly satisfying ending to a duology that at the same time echoes that quote from Michael Ende's The Neverending Story: "but that is another story and shall be told another time." I love when something ends with that sense of: "there are even more stories and adventures for our beloved characters out there than you can possibly fathom, and you are now free to make up them yourself."

10) Autoboyography by Christina Lauren

I was intrigued by the premise: a half-Jewish guy and a Mormon guy fall for each other over the course of a writing class. And upon starting it, I could tell straight (heh, straight) away that it was going to be a favorite. It's an unabashedly kilig romance about falling for the wonderfulness in each other,and both mains are fucking adorable, and made me want to give them both a ton of hugs. Oh, and this book further reinforced my belief that the key to first-person writing is having a good voice.

Another thing is, I basically never see YA books that deal with growing up in a religion and actually-loving it and having it be an inextricable part of your identity… and then having to deal with the darker, prejudiced sides that you really wish would be excised from it altogether especially if they are opposed to who you are. To deal with it sensitively and touchingly, not only in a YA book but in an m/m romance? Well done.

honorable mention!

-The Secret History by Donna Tartt

I was reading this on the bus on the way home to the province for Christmas and I could not stop laughing and I had no idea to explain to my very curious sister that it was because half the protagonists were high as a kite at the funeral of the friend that they all killed and one of them had just very noisily killed a bee in the church vestibule and it made the loudest sound on the planet and they're all gonna have to ~aesthetically grieve and pallbear now even though THEY killed their friend and w o w it's like Nuwanda from Dead Poets Society was cloned five times.

Sometimes "pretentious people murder someone and somehow it is hilarious" is just exactly my cup of tea.

and a couple of series binges!

Almost 10 years ago (god, what the hell), I had a "YA Paranormal Romances I Might Actually Like" list, and the two trilogies below were on it. There's something gratifying about finally crossing off books on your TBR that have been there for ages:

-The Shade Trilogy by Jeri Smith-Ready (Shade, Shift, Shine) This series came out on the tail of the Great YA Paranormal Romance boom and I really wish I'd picked it up then (I also really wish some of the covers it got weren't so damn off-putting. It's like Animorphs all over again) because it's such cut above so many of the books that were being churned out in those days.

The premise is: what if there was a global paranormal event that left the portion of the population born after a certain year with the ability to see ghosts? I really like that the author thought this out thoroughly – it's not just a oooh spooky ghosties gimmick. Everything is affected: the educational system, the police force, politics, technology, travel, you name it.

The heroine was smart and truth-seeking and had nuancedrelationships with lots of female characters (bff, mentor, aunt who raised her, mom who died… ), the Betty love interest was a total sweetheart who also didn't seem too good to be true and who was capable of making major teenage fuck-ups, and the Veronica love interest was a rock-and-roll ghost who had the post-life character arc that I sadly wish Maggie Stiefvater had given Noah Czerny. I kind of loved them all a lot and one of the reasons I wish I'd read these books as they came out was so I could've been un-jaded just a little bit about Those Pesky Love Triangles.

(Someday I…really ought to make an analysis about why I dislike love triangles in general and what exactly was up with the ones that DID work for me.)

-Wolves of Mercy Falls trilogy by Maggie Stiefvater

I read the whole series toward the year's end. It was precisely the cold-weather binge I was craving. I may have my quarrels with some of her writing decision, but really few people can do atmospheric, poetic writing the way Maggie Stiefvater does. The romances were a bit too YA for me in this one, but I ended up really sympathizing with every single POV character anyway. And I mean, cold and poetry and family and books and wolves-as-family*.

(*One day, I'll have the emotional armor to watch Wolf's Rain again. )

[thetravellingvagrant]

Day 17- Salzburg: In Which I Meet A One Eyed Monster

I decided to get myself out into Salzburg to explore early, today. Partially because I had already grown intensely tired of my new dorm-mates despite none of them having done anything particularly egregious, but also because, given how much I was paying to stay in this city, it seemed like it would just be a waste not to. I had planned a full-on touriststravaganza for my first day here, with nary a ring-road or random bog in sight. My plan then, based almost entirely on word-of-mouth recommendations was as follows; I would take a walk through Mirabelle gardens, situated not too far from my hostel and supposedly quite pleasant on my way to the Natural History (and Science) museum of Salzburg, which I had been told was a particularly excellent example of natural history (and also science) museums. After spending a few hours there, I would climb up to the Hohensalzburg castle, which had been leering down at me from the mountainout centre of the old-town since I had arrived, daring me to come and see it, if I was hard enough. Once I had had my fill of the thrill of being slightly elevated I would meander back down and have a stroll along the street on which Mozart was born and had now become a tat-hive of the highest order before finally, getting myself a lovely meal and heading back to my shitty little hostel which cost the earth.

I arrived at Mirabelle gardens not long after my plan was finalised. To be honest, I didn't spend very long there at all. Perhaps it was more spectacular during the summer, but I found the entire experience, as I did the gardens themselves, flat and uninspiring.

4/10

That didn't stop other tourists from taking a constant and steady stream of photographs, though. Of what, I am not sure; there didn't appear to be really anything of aesthetic interest within a hundred foot radius of the place, but snap away they did.

Disappointed with the gardens, though secretly a bit pleased to have freed up a little more time to spend on my other, more interesting activities, I walked briskly to the Natural History (and also Science as well) museum, paid nearly £10 to get in and, grumbling at how expensive literally everything is here, made my way inside.

The very first room of the museum  contained an approximately life-sized model of a giant squid (AKAthe best animal and I will hear literally no disagreement from any one of you motherfuckers) hanging from the roof in full attack mode

14/10

so I pretty instantly forgot how much I had just paid and began having an uncharacteristically good time. This...I think humans call it...enjoyment...continued as I progressed further into the museum, also.  Fans of terrible taxidermy (and I know there's at least one of you reading this...), I soon realised, would be disappointed with today's blog entry, as this museum was just genuinely very good and very slick. Nearly every exhibit looked like the thing it was supposed to, with no mangled up faces, or eyes popping out or bursting at the seams or anything. There were a...few odd exceptions, sure

I’m naming no names, incredibly buff marmot...

but for the most part, I really couldn't fault the museum. It was entertaining, well laid out and just generally expertly put together. It even had an aquarium (featuring an octopus and everything) and a reptile zoo. It was grand.

Fans of the blog with an extremely long memory, though, may remember on my very first trip, I visited a science museum named...NEMO or something, in Amsterdam, which, although very good on its lower floors, steadily detached itself more and more from reality as one proceeded upwards. Unfortunately for the Salzburg museum of Natural History (and also science, that's there too), though very fortunately for me, it had followed in NEMO's footsteps.

Interesting, well labelled and well thought out exhibits and animal displays petered out after around the third of five floors and gave way to...I'm not really sure what. They stopped signposting things in English after that. It appeared that what I had thought was an exhibit on Africa, though, had slowly transformed into some truly and utterly bizarre musings on mythical creatures- or at least I hoped so as it would go at least some way to explain the following:

Oh...hey, guy...

Then things really fell apart. I walked through rooms full of spooky masks

Ah!

past randomly placed posters full of cryptids

AH!

and...Garfield?

AHHHH!

The fever dream of the 4th floor, however, would pale in comparison to the full on tramadol overdose of the 5th. After meandering through a fairly good bit on the deep sea, the fifth floor straight up shat itself and delivered one of the weirdest and least coherent exhibits on the human body I have ever seen in my life. Pictures, more than words would do the experience justice,

Pictured: My nightmares

though a few highlights included an interactive display on how shit is formed, a pulse reading machine which declared one man who I witnessed use it as legally dead and a room full of stuff on sex and reproduction which boasted a picture of several women in their vests and pants with a button next to each. My best guess and rudimentary understanding of German told me that you press the button next to the woman you find the most attractive. When you did, it would display the stats for each woman and rank them by popularity amongst museum-goers. For anyone that's interested, the busty one was the winner.

Also of note were a series of little keyholes that one could peer through, each one of these tiny windows a porthole to the various stages of doing some sex. The first hole had a little barbie doll applying perfume to herself, the next hole had the same doll, now nude and with nipples amusingly etched onto her in pen, getting banged by a Ken doll. The next was just a picture of some random birds, which seemed...out of place and the final hole had a big collage of...like, leather and handcuffs and various other accoutrements of kink. It was deeply odd and rather jarring, sitting amongst a hitherto fairly child-friendly exhibit on reproduction.

Confused, though fairly sure I had now seen everything (including a wall of taxidermied dogs, positioned like, right next to the sex room) I left the nature part of the museum and checked out the sciency bit. It was shit and I spent very little time there. Overall though, the museum was still very good and probably benefited from all the weird junk in it. I definitely wouldn't forget my visit at the very least...

I had spent too long in the natural history (and hey, guys, don't forget about science!) museum and by the time I left, it was bordering on getting dark. It hardly seemed like it would be worthwhile climbing the big hill to the castle if I left it much longer, so I decided to do that next, postponing food, much to the chagrin of my angry tummy.

The walk up the hill was tiring, though enjoyable and peppered with fairly decent photo-opportunities.

I mean, it’s ait.

and after not-too-long, I arrived at the castle, sweaty, though triumphant. I walked through the main gate and...oh, you needed a ticket. And tickets were 10 euros. And it was only open for another half an hour. Right. Good. Okay, that was worth it. I turned around and headed back down. At least I had had a nice walk...

Yeah. Great.

After a quick stroll through the obsidian-dense crowds populating the street on which Mozart was born and where the  sheer quality and quantity of Mozart themed tat you can find is simulatenously both tremendously impressive and utterly depressing

Fuck you.

I headed to a local eatery for food. The diner was fairly low-end; very much your average sort of shitty UK takeaway level of quality, though somehow I still managed to spend over 10 euros on a very basic burger, too-salty fries and a small bottle of water. Oh, Austria!

I returned, very tired and (after those fucking fries) very thirsty, to my dorm. Upon entering, I realised that I was to share the room with some new guests. Three screeching, giggling Australian girls, who were every bit as immediately irritating as they sound. One of them was sitting on my bed.

“Oh, am I on your bed?” she tittered

I was so tired and the transgression so bizarrely rude that all I could muster in response was a gruff “Yes.”

I think she expected me to be better natured about it, but I doubt she would have been so light-hearted about the whole thing if she had returned to discover me sitting on her property, so she could fuck off. She moved from my bed, clearly making a mental note to never speak to me again and I retook my now pre-warmed throne.

I didn't hang around in the room for too long, darting back outside to the hostel's courtyard to quickly make some phone calls before finally returning to the room and to my bed, proper.

The lights were off as I cracked the door open for the second time. The Australian girls had gone to bed , already. It was 8:30pm.

“okay...” I sighed, not willing to  take my laptop downstairs, as the only communal space in which I could use it was current;y being used for the nightly broadcast of The Sound Of Music. Yes. Nightly. It looked like I was working in the dark for the rest of the evening.

More irritating, still, was the fact that one of these girls, the one sleeping above me and indeed the bet-sitter extraordinaire had decided to make use of the tiny little nightstand which sat next to my bunk to house her phone for the night. It was very clearly designed to be part of the lower bunk's set-up, but okay, I can just about understand not wanting to sleep with your phone next to you on an upper bunk, I guess. She had, however, neglected to switch it to mute, meaning that with every text, notification or update she got (and she got a stunning amount of these throughout the night and early morning) the phone would vibrate noisily right next to my fucking head, distracting me when I was awake and waking me up when I was asleep. Because there was a physical aspect to the vibration also, earplugs couldn't even block it out fully. It was a lot of fun.

Mercifully though, at around 2am, all her apps had updated, the notifications ceased and people stopped texting her, having received literally no response for the previous six hours and I could finally drift off to sleep, angry and exhausted.

[caitlinmargaritareads]

Book 23- Pet Sematary by Stephen King

[Originally posted November 10, 2019]

It has taken me quite a while to articulate this review, and I’m still not 100% sure how to begin. After a week of putting pen to paper [and scratching out the pen to rewrite], I still come up short with my review for this novel. Let me start by saying it has taken a year of coaxing and talking myself up to be able to pick this book up. Over a year ago, a very kind customer of mine gave me two brown, paper sacks filled with all of her Stephen King books [partially due to my sudden interest and mostly due to her sudden need to Marie Kondo her place]. I immediately tore through The Shining, Carrie, and Misery, but subsequently had weird and unsettling dreams which made me take a break from King. Generally speaking, I like to choose titles based on the time of year [in the winter, I like to settle in with something dense that I can use as an excuse to stay in, and in the summer I opt for lighter, fun fiction that I can breeze through], so this year I decided to follow suit with Halloween and read the scariest book that I could imagine- Pet Sematary. Being an older title, many of my friends and acquaintances were excited for me to join the King Club by reading what is dubbed one of his scariest novels. I, however, had my doubts. As I’m sure has been established on here [many, many times], I am NOT a fan of horror or being scared. I will never understand why people choose to be scared and I’ve determined that it’s a switch in my brain which has been left dusty and unused [and I’m totally okay with that]. Pet Sematary forced me to take a giant leap into the unknown, and allowed me to expand my reading interests into a genre that I had only dappled in previously. I will try my best to concisely summarize the plot [emphasis on the word “try”] and then offer my own critical review of the text. As opposed to some of my other reviews, THERE ARE SPOILERS, so please be warned and skip the rest of this review if you are unfamiliar with the plot and wish to read it yourself.

The story follows the Creed family- Louis, Rachel, and their two children Ellie and Gage- as they move from Chicago to Ludlow, Maine for Louis to work as a doctor on the local college campus. As they begin exploring their new home, they meet their new neighbor, Jud Crandall, who immediately welcomes them and settles the unease that Louis had been feeling. Jud, a lifelong resident of Ludlow, gives them the lay of the land, warning them about the dangers of the main road they live on and pointing out the trailhead behind their property, on which he offers to give them a guided adventure. As promised, after a few days of unpacking and settling into their new house, Jud takes the family on a seemingly innocent trip down to the Pet Sematary- a small burial ground for the local children’s deceased pets. He shows them the space where his own childhood dog, Spot, is buried, and when asked about the deadfall of branches near the back of the sematary, he warns them to stay away. The trip to the sematary leaves the family disgruntled and unsettled- Rachel disapproves of their children’s close encounter with death, and Ellie becomes hysterically frantic that their cat, Church, will die and be put in the sematary. Louis soothes the woes and worries of his family, promising never to take his children back.

Normalcy sets in for the Creed’s, until Louis’s first day on the job when a young man named Victor Pascow is brought to the clinic. Irreparably maimed in a car accident and drawing what seem to be his last breaths, Victor comes to in Louis’s arms, grinning at Louis as he mutters this warning- “It’s not the real cemetary.” Louis, shocked by the young man’s alertness, cannot seem to respond as Victor continues, “The soil of a man’s heart is stonier, Louis… a man grows what he can… and tends to it.” Victor’s whole body dies at once, leaving Louis terrified, clutching the corpse, and grasping for some logical answer to this episode. Later that night after Louis falls asleep, Pascow comes to his bedside and guides a reluctant Louis down to the Pet Sematary. Pointing towards the deadfall behind the sematary, he warns, “Don’t go beyond, no matter how much you feel you feel you need to… the barrier was not made to be broken… Your destruction and the destruction of all you love is very near…” When Louis wakes hours later, he is convinced it was all an unsettling dream until he pulls back the sheets to reveal muddy feet covered in pine needs. The logical part of Louis’s brain takes over, trying to rationalize the insane experience. Soon the dream is all but forgotten, until the fateful day that Church is run over by a semi truck on the main road and killed.

Led by his trusty neighbor Jud, Louis has his first encounter with the Micmac burial ground beyond the deadfall, where he buries Church and is told the history of the tribe. The next day, Church saunters into the garage where Louis is working, smelling of sour earth, with pieces of plastic bag stuck in his whiskers. None too surprised, Louis brings the cat inside and feeds it, repulsed by the blasphemous presence of his daughter’s dead cat. Louis tries to rationalize with himself, thinking that the cat must’ve been stunned and not dead when he was buried. But Church does not seem to be his spry old self, walking in funny patterns and lacking the grace of a real cat, leaving Louis with a shadow of a doubt that he did, in fact, bring the cat back to life. When Ellie sees her old cat, she immediately notices the smell, and the fact that there is something off with Church. The family seems to ignore the glaring differences though, and continue on with their lives as usual while Church continues to exhibit more and more out-of-character behavior.

The plot finally comes to it’s point when their toddler Gage, is run over and killed by a semi on the main road. Distraught and unable to come to terms with his death, Louis sends his wife and daughter to Chicago to stay with his in-laws as he begins to plot his son’s second burial. Knowing what he plans to do, Jud harshly warns Louis to leave Gage in peace and tells the story of another local who brought back his son and was driven to murder/suicide after the fact. Unmoved, Louis continues with his plan and buries Gage at the Micmac burial ground. Gage comes back, possessed with unflinching evil, and murders both Jud Crandall and Rachel before Louis is able to kill him for good. Louis, unhinged by the horrors he has seen and convinced that he “waited too long” with Gage’s reburial, takes Rachel’s corpse up to the Micmac cemetery . “Darling,” it mutters, and then the story ends.

I want to start off by saying, I really liked this book. It scared the bejesus out of me, but it was so worth it. If you’ve read King, you know he likes to drag out the story [much like this particular review I’m writing]. He painfully details the protagonist’s backstory as a dramatic build up to the climax, and this can often lead some readers [myself included] to internally scream, “GET ON WITH IT!” However, with Pet Sematary I feel as if this technique truly lent to the creation of the story and was absolutely essential to the climax of the plot. While the idea of a cemetery in general gives me the creeps, what is even more unsettling is the slow unraveling of Louis’s mind. Whenever he tries to make logical sense of a situation [i.e. Church’s resurrection], he compromises another piece of his rational mind, and the more he does this, the more likely he is to do something rash and unreasonable. Now, I would make the argument that the presence of the Micmac burial ground [and it’s demons, spirits, etc.] are mainly responsible for the undoing of Louis Creed. I enjoy when a supernatural entity is the antagonist [its extra spooky when an unseeable evil occupies any story], and King does a grand job of creating this wicked presence which subtly alters and influences the minds of anyone who has visited the Micmac burial ground. Jud himself admits to wrong-doing by bringing Louis there, claiming there is a draw to the burial ground for all who have visited, and it is presumed that anyone who has been there will fall under the same spell. Talk about creepy!

The one thing I have an issue with is how quickly Gage is resurrected and then killed again. Now, don’t get me wrong, every single word that involved zombie Gage is horrifying and left knots in my stomach- Even now, I shudder as I think of Gage taunting Jud in his own kitchen before going in for the kill. BUT, it seemed to me that after ALL that build up, we should’ve gotten more time with possessed toddler Gage before he gets killed. The other point which had no resolution, and which I did not summarize, is Ellie’s sudden onset of clairvoyance after Gage’s death. As soon as her little brother dies, Ellie begins having horrible dreams about her family and the Pet Sematary. When Louis sends Ellie and Rachel back to Chicago, Ellie goes insane with worry and anxiety, convinced that something horrible is going to happen to Louis [or happen because of Louis] in their absence. In her dreams, Paxcow [aka Victor Pascow] comes to her, warning that Louis is in danger. When they finally get to Chicago, Ellie’s hysteria becomes so uncontrollable that Rachel decides to immediately turn around and go back to Ludlow to check on Louis [which is how she ends up murdered by her dead son]. King, however, does not go back to Ellie at all once Rachel leaves Chicago. This leads the reader to question what Ellie may already know, and whether or not she will end up back in Ludlow with her insane father and re-animated mother. My hope is that Ellie stays with her grandparents and never has to see her parents again- and maybe, hopefully, we get a sequel a la Doctor Sleep?!

All in all, this book was fantastically horrifying in all the right ways. I truly understand why this book is considered one of King’s best and most terrifying novels, and I would say I have to agree. If you’re a fan of a good thriller, and this review hasn’t completely ruined your will to read it, I recommend giving it a try. I’d loan you mine, but the back cover just fell off. If you’ve made it through this review, congratulations! I am currently cross eyed and giving up on any further edits or alterations.

5 out of 5 stars

[podcake]

Week One: The Bridge Review

In the spirit of innovation to start this fine month of September, I found myself in a mild panic over the summer to find just the right shows to discuss for my review month. These next five weeks are sure to be filled with audio drama galore that I personally deem one of the most creative by far, and even that is vague in itself.

I spend my days raking through the long lists and the little cracks, spelunking the deep archives of iTunes and Twitter bios to seek out the goods, the bads, and the meh emojis out there, giving each and every one it’s shot. But no matter the title, efforts in innovation seems to be something each and every audio drama producer seems to have in mind from the get-go.

When you throw yourself into a community reveling the plights of being a stand out, unique product, how do you properly pinpoint ones that utterly, truly encompass the concept? Simple-you focus on the teeny, tiny little details. 

Thus I found myself feeling dead set on talking about The Bridge, a podcast that emerged some time around the summer of 2016 but I have yet to properly cover despite me occasionally bringing it up. The Bridge tells the story of an alternative modern day where a Transcontinental Bridge is watched over by the appropriately titled Watchtower 10 in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. From here we get to know our main character Henrietta Perrault, better known as Etta, who much rather be telling spooky stories than giving her assigned traffic reports. 

Etta is also haunted by the disappearance of her mother, among other missing people, something that has plagued her childhood and followed her into adulthood and is the fuel behind most of her actions throughout the series aside from her own natural curiosity. 

I can’t help but give it kudos for avoiding the dreaded “strapped to a chair narrating over more interesting past events” formula, despite having all the qualifications to completely revel in it. Quite a bit of the exchanges happen in the safety of the broadcast room though it’s properly utilized to have it both be a place of Etta’s storytelling and her interactions with her crew. 

It’s more or less a framing device that makes way for some interesting and often humorous interactions and expanding lore. The bridge in question turns out to be a rather mysterious and eldritch location, providing a kind of suspense and spook factor the show transitions into rather seamlessly with a certain level of self awareness from the watchtower crew, as if they’ve been through this all before.

The eerie elements are not of the heavily grim and gritty variety and more in that slightly off-putting category that labels the bridge as something possibly not of this world or merely haunted or both. And that’s nothing to say of the villains in the first few episodes, providing some interesting psychological warfare with the heroes and even some grisly violence sprinkled in. Nothing on SABLE levels, though enough to elicit an uncomfortable shift in your chair.

All around, The Bridge has the same appeal as Wolf 359: providing a small but plucky cast we quickly get attached to as we slowly watch the layers peel back and whatever character type their filling to be picked apart. And of course there’s the crucial similarity of The Bridge easing its way into deeper, darker territory about its world without entirely losing its sense of humor. If this is a trend forming in audio drama is something I’ve been puzzling over for some time, but it’s certainly one I encourage if it means raising stakes while still keeping its heart in the right place. 

But, if there is any weak point in the show it’s in its audio editing. The Bridge comes with some pretty effective backing tracks and a cast of actors that are expressive in their deliveries, but the shifts in perspectives are a rocky boat. It can be hard to tell when exactly a character’s view point is being swapped out for another, mainly because the audio doesn’t properly communicate it. 

This may or may not be a noticeable detail to some, but perspective changes in an audio drama are normally signified by a variety of ways, normally as a break of silence followed by some sort of new sound effect that shows a transition to a new location or even a music cue. The Bridge has yet to fully establish changes of scene, which could make following dialogue very confusing. And given the moderate sized cast we have so far, it makes backtracking pretty much inevitable. 

The sound is clear and yet still feels messy due to the scenes seeming like they’re not entirely in relation to each other. It’s a bummer seeing as how this is much more of a problem with plot relevant dialogue than in its side missions.

A little detail I’d like to point out, and the main reason The Bridge is being marked for “innovation”, is due to its take on mini-episodes. What helps The Bridge breathe life into its world while still having an ongoing narrative is the clever inclusion of these little shorts that are just cool enough to be standalone projects. These are smaller and simpler stories shipped out in between the original episode continuations, some of which have little relevance to what might be going on in the linear timeline, and yet it’s easily the most effective way to have the best of both worlds.

The mini episodes may seem like filler and padding to others, and perhaps it was always intended to be, and yet I can’t help but be impressed by the simplicity and organization that these shorts provide for the story’s general lore while not weighing down the main story to shoehorn it in. It is by no means the ultimate highlight or the most exciting part, but provides a kind of flourish to what is within the realm of reality for this world.

If things like immortality inducing macguffins will be used later in the series as relevant plot points is its own question, though they make for neat little asides for now.

The Bridge is easily at its best during its tenser moments, “Oops! Part Two” still being one of its most intriguing episodes in terms of dialogue and an effective build in tension that might make way for some interesting confrontations in later seasons. Even it’s follow up episode works to strengthen the events presented before and makes way for a broader lens we are slowly being introduced to, opening up the audience to what could be a much bigger mystery about certain characters, their roles, and whatever secrets the bridge may be hiding.

For me personally, I’ve always been a fan of concepts about bringing life to usually inanimate landmarks and The Bridge certainly scratches that itch for me. It didn’t quite work for me in Mabel, though The Bridge manages this formula in a way that’s just subtle enough that any stranger events to come are anticipated. If what we are to expect from the bridge’s otherworldly nature is that of utter malevolence or perhaps something simply beyond the comprehension of our characters is something certainly worth tuning into. 

What makes The Bridge worth listening to, in a technical sense, is its simple but effective storytelling overall. If it plans to truly dedicate itself to its main mysteries and flesh out its world more for the better is something to hope for in the future. It still feels like the show is still in its training wheels and has yet to truly reach its ultimate peaks and reveals, though I enjoy the even pacing it has adapted so far. It’s patient and steady, unlike the fictional waters its fictional towers reside in, but seems to know the benefits of a climb that keeps listeners invested but not bored or rushed.

The Bridge has the makings to be a pretty impressive audio drama experience: a good set up filled with little hidden mysteries to discover, decent voice acting, and a willingness to progress and build from its focal point rather than letting its oddness consume its overarching story. As to where it plans to go is still up in the air but in a way that seems focused and could make for some cool and creative episodes overtime. In the mean time, I say The Bridge has a strong, and steady current that’s easy to get swept up in.

[phynxrizng]

A WITCHES CONFESSION ABOUT HALLOWEEN

PAGAN A Witch’s Confession About Halloween OCTOBER 25, 2017 BY LAURA TEMPEST ZAKROFF Photo by the author of a festive display in an Atlanta neighborhood When I was a young Witchlet, the words Halloween and Samhain were largely interchangeable in the larger community. Typically the phrasing would be something like, “yeah, Samhain – aka Halloween…” – this thing, also known as that thing, same thing – especially when dealing with the general public. My understanding was that it was a way to say, “this thing is based on our beliefs, another connection to be aware of.” As the years have gone by, more and more distinction, sometimes with the aid of a crowbar, has been made. Generally that Halloween is a secular, manufactured or other-faith origin day, while Samhain is sacred, witchy, and ancient. Which is totally fine, and something I find interesting to observe. Human behavior, especially in regards to trends and changes, fascinates me. For me personally, what has changed over the years is my relation to Sabbats (in the Wheel of the Year sense). I’m not inclined to mark a specific day with a rite or celebration unless I feel called to do so. Instead of focusing on a specific day, I am marking and observing a larger seasonal shift. As I mentioned in my working with the dead post, some things aren’t seasonal to me either – they’re a year-round kind of thing. So if I’m remembering and working with the deceased on a regular basis (especially on their birth and death days), that tends to take the oomph out of a specific day or time that others may devote to it. I acknowledge Samhain, but I’m not likely to perform a specific rite on my own for it. So what about Halloween then? Here’s my confession: I freaking LOVE Halloween. To me, Halloween isn’t about remembering the dead, as much as it’s about celebrating life and its cycles. It’s about playfulness, creativity, confronting fears, spooky stuff, and finding beauty and life in death and decay. It’s a celebration of the wyrd, weird, and wild. It’s a time where sometimes you can really be yourself inside and out. It’s not about dressing up or buying costumes, though I enjoy watching other folks do it. As someone who must outfit for the stage regularly, I don’t get much of a thrill getting into costume. In fact, I have been known to snarkily refer to it as “amateur night” – but I still get a kick out of it. (I’m a Gemini, I can be an asshole at the same time I love and enjoy something.) As someone who makes a living out of being an artist and thinking creatively, I love to see other people shift their consciousness to play. I think it’s healthy and fun for folks to use those muscles more, to see how costume can transform the spirit – even just for one night. “Communing” – new painting by the author Halloween represents creativity to me. In my family, we never bought costumes from the store or rented them – we made them from scratch and spare parts. The first Halloween I can remember, my grandmother sewed for me an E.T. costume, and my brothers were Reeses’ Pieces (made from hoops and fabric). Grandmom was a seamstress and could make anything with a pattern (and then some.) My dad has always been crafty with his hands, so there was the year someone was a Coke can, a Sony walkman, a can of Campbell’s soup, and other fun things. The Catholic school we went to had a Halloween parade for many years, until it was phased out by the time I graduated. Scares about razor blades and drugs in candy in the late 80’s and the infamous “you’re too old” (despite my brothers having done it through high school, so it was more about girls being out on their own at night fears) curbed trick-or-treating. Mom still decorated the house though and pumpkins were procured and carved.  But as fears fueled by Satanic panic and stranger danger cut back on Halloween festivities, as I grew up, I found myself tied more deeply to the season itself. I became more aware and appreciative of the shedding of orange, yellow, and red leaves against brilliant blue skies. The smell in the air and the temperature shift makes me feel even more alive every year – like waking up after slumbering under the heat of summer. The telling of spooky stories and ghosts, of transforming of front yards into graveyards, bedecked in bones and cobwebs. Meanwhile the changing habits of the squirrels, rabbits, and birds talk of upcoming changes, and preparing home and self for the winter ahead. Speaking of home preparation, it’s my favorite time of year to shop. I try not to accumulate STUFF, but I love acquiring useful, well-made things that are decorated with some of my favorite witchy and spooky motifs. Leading up to Halloween (and on serious sale afterwards), I refresh my stock of kitchen towels and linens – covered in ravens, owls, bones, and witches. I replace out broken mugs and dishware with new ones. I definitely needed that bin shaped like a giant black cat for a storage basket. So yes, it looks like Halloween at my house all year around. And that makes me stupid happy. It’s also why I love going to New Orleans this time of year. (And when I lived in New England, it was a trip to Salem, MA.) New Orleans is such a mix of old and new, grit and glitz, dead and living spirits – and it dresses up with no reserves this time of year. But it’s not too crazy for someone who gets anxious around large crowds. We spend time with folks who are another kind of family, perform our art to add to the festivities at various balls and other events, and enjoy being alive in the middle of it all. When you think about it, days and seasons can come and go without us doing anything about it. We don’t acknowledge them because we HAVE to – the world isn’t going to stop because you didn’t do a certain ritual for a Sabbat. It will continue on. But when we can find pure joy in revelry, in feeling more alive, in celebrating what makes us wyrd – that’s truly living and acknowledging the sacredness in life.  I hope you all have a very happy and playful Halloween! TAGGED WITH:HALLOWEENPAGAN NEWSLETTERSAMHAIN...MORE Sponsored Links You May Like This app will get you speaking a new language in 3 weeks Babbel Diabetes Treatments Yahoo Search What Does Your German Last Name Say About You? Ancestry by Taboola October 18, 2017 Samhain Season: 4 Ways I Work With the Dead October 26, 2017 Navigating the Witch's Maze in Dark Times  RECENT COMMENTS 0 COMMENTS "Thank you, to Laura Tempest Zakroff, for your article "4 Ways I Work With The ..." CHARLENE MCCLARNEN FLINT SAMHAIN SEASON: 4 WAYS I WORK ..." "Thanks, Laura. Shared on FB." MACHA NIGHTMARE SAMHAIN SEASON: 4 WAYS I WORK ..." "I've experienced this in the gender equity sphere. Older Second Wave Feminists are potential allies ..." MACHA NIGHTMARE A WITCH’S MANIFESTO "Not a whiney old geezer at all - always a pleasure to have your feedback. ..." TEMPEST A WITCH’S MANIFESTO BROWSE OUR ARCHIVES   FOLLOW US!   GET THE LATEST FROM A MODERN TRADITIONAL WITCH SIGN UP FOR OUR NEWSLETTER  Enter email address SIGN ME UP!Also, send me the Pagan Newsletter and special offers.  Search this blog... GO! POPULAR AT PATHEOS Pagan 1  8 Ways to Celebrate Samhain RAISE THE HORNS 2  Five Prayers for Ancestors Most People... DANDELIONLADY 3  Samhain – A Solitary Ritual JOHN BECKETT 4  Irish-American Witchcraft: Elf-Locks, Tangled Hair, Ill-Luck,... AGORA  RELATED POSTS FROM A Modern Traditional Witch  PAGAN Navigating the Witch's Maze in Dark Times A MODERN TRADITIONAL WITCH  PAGAN Samhain Season: 4 Ways I Work With the... 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LEAVE A COMMENT  206 Shares ABOUT US ADVERTISE WITH US PRIVACY POLICY TERMS OF SERVICE WRITE FOR US FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK Copyright 2008-2017, Patheos. All rights reserved.   REPOSTED BY, PHYNXRIZNG

[dcnativegal]

In which Jane turns 60 in the desert

Thursday, July 25th, 2019 was the first day that we were all together, everyone present. On Wednesday, my cousin Targ (a nickname created from “Margaret”) and her mother, my aunt, my father’s only sibling, Mary Lee Lincoln McIntyre, had arrived in a rental car from Eugene airport and checked into a cabin at Summer Lake Hot Springs. My sister, Elizabeth Lincoln, drove my kids, Jonah and Clara, and two of her kids, Yuuki and Makoto, and her husband Jim, up from Reno, arriving just after noon. My cousin, Julie McIntyre, drove with her son, Shayden, all the way from Tucson, AZ.  Valerie’s youngest, Arden, and his partner Maggie drove in from the Willamette Valley, and Valerie’s sister Karen arrived on Thursday from Chiloquin. Karen left on Friday, having to prepare a sermon for Sunday, so by Saturday morning, this was the assembled crew:

We had a more serious portrait shot but I tend to prefer the ‘act goofy’ photos. I look like a zombie, well fed after the apocalypse, Valerie is simply laughing. Mary Lee, age 86, is clearly game for anything. Yuuki is doing a pose. Maggie is blowing bubbles. Everyone was a good sport.

Months ago, realizing I was headed to the end of my 60th year on earth, I decided to invite the descendants of Ruth and Henry Lincoln to the Oregon Outback, Great Basin, High Desert land of Paisley to celebrate the fact of my existence. Not all could come, but a surprising number did. And the two relations of Valerie who were easily able to join us, got to meet more of my peeps.

That Thursday, we enjoyed a Mexican themed dinner, accommodating the vegan and the beef-eating, the gluten free and the ‘organic-only.’  Since July 25th was the day I decided would be my designated birthday with everyone as my captive audience, we played “Vertellis.”  It’s a Dutch card game that’s pretty simple: four rounds are organized into individual and group questions. I picked two categories of individual questions: Looking back on the year, what was good, crazy, interesting… and, looking forward to next year, what do you plan, hope for, find challenging? Everyone picks a card with a question, and you answer as honestly as you wish when it’s your turn.

I highly recommend https://vertellis.com/ for gatherings of people you don’t regularly see, especially around holidays. The answers can be hilarious, revelatory, and touching. When Valerie drew a card about picking something from the past year that she regretted, she told us: “I should have bought that primer bulb for the weed whacker way sooner!” Ever the practical gal, that Valerie! Clara hopes that the immigration hearing goes well for her husband, Jose. The answers spanned quite a range, and helped us to know each other a little bit better.

Why do we gather relatives only for funerals and weddings?  Or for old people’s 90th birthdays? Why not age 60?

I did feel selfish about the whole thing, off and on. My family had to spend money on the flights, the rental cars, and then the cabins at Summer Lake Hot Springs. My friend and coworker, JD, and his husband Joey lent me their RV camper, so 4 of the young’uns could sleep in that for nothing’. There were 4 Lincoln/McIntyre/Matteuccis and 4 Lincoln/Frey/Saitohs in each cabin. There was a lovely symmetry to the housing. The inside of the cabins has a southwest, rustic feel:

They are not air conditioned, and it was quite hot during the day, although as we say out west, at least ‘it’s a dry heat.’  Here in the desert, it is also very dusty. Thank goodness the temperatures cool off at night to around 50 degrees F, and there’s almost always a breeze.

There are the fabulous hot springs pools, too: here is the pool house at dusk, run through a filter:

We managed to escape the heat by going to the swimming hole in the Chewaucan River, which I’d never been to. The water is cool but not freezing, and clear, so that I could sit in a shallow spot and pick out flat rocks for Clara to skip. Even my aunt went, situated in a camp chair, safe from the water, and an elderly chihuahua named Uddha came, too. He stayed well away from the watery fracas.

Valerie and Uddha

Mary Lee and Uddha

 Someone stacked rocks in a lovely sculptural way:

We spent Friday schlepping to Picture Rock Pass to look at the petroglyphs, and then to Crack in the Ground, where I’d been wanting to go. That place is magical. Aunt Mary Lee sat comfortably in the shade on the picnic bench while the rest of us went one way or another, deep into the crevasses. My cousin’s son Shayden is a confident free climber and scaled all the way to the surface. We breathed in the moist, cool air and reveled in curious rock formations.

Shayden at Crack in the Ground

Where did this fern blow in from? Way to the west? I salute you, brave, flying little fern.

Looks like a path in the Holy Land, or a Roman ruin….

 “Crack in the Ground is a volcanic fissure that formed at the western boundary of a small graben underlying the Four Craters Lava Field. The Crack and lava field were recently dated at about 14,000 years old. The fissure is about 2 miles long and 70 feet deep, and disappears into lake sediments at its southern end. Therefore, this supports an interpretation that Lake Fort Rock rose no higher than this level in the last 14,000 years.”  http://www.fortrockoregon.com/Crack.html

Although impressing my family with the gorgeousness of high desert Eastern Oregon was deeply satisfying, the best part of the visit was the conversations. Family lore was reviewed by Mary Lee, who lived it, and Elizabeth, who brought a copy of a bound books she had made of her genealogy research on the Lincolns and the Smiths (my mother’s side.) Jonah was asked about The Future of Film, and Makoto shared that he’s looking forward to his semester in Japan where he can improve his Japanese and get a bit more feeling about the land of his father’s ancestors. I didn’t actually have any deep conversations. I felt a little bit like a bride: everyone’s gathered here to see me (and my beloved), and my job is to play my role and make sure everyone has enough seltzer to drink, and a comfy clean pillow. It was enough to create the event of gathering: I hope to continue conversations with my sister, cousins, and children by phone with more depth now that we’ve seen each other in the flesh.

 The family came in from Brooklyn, DC, Philadelphia, Virginia, Delaware, Albuquerque and Tucson, all very urban places. The empty expanses, and the star lit night sky, will surely stay with our visitors. Arden, Valerie’s youngest, was a firefighter in Lake County and knows a lot of cool locations, like the dry Loco Lake. He took the youngest generation to check it out on at least two nights. I was too tired. But from the photos, it looks like yet another spooky, otherworldly piece of the Oregon Outback.

Yuuki is the most photogenic creature that ever was, and was beautifully lit at Loco Lake by Jonah.

 Beautiful Clara, and Jonah making Alkali Angels??

 Apparently Loco Lake was a highlight for the youngest generation.

For the oldest traveler, Mary Lee, I think the best part of the trip was just seeing everyone. She’s lived and visited most of the planet, and reared her three children in New Dehli and Lebanon. She knows world history and writes plays about strong women, including Eleanor Roosevelt. She survived being widowed in her early 40s, and again in her 70s. She loves Italy, travel in general, gems, and her children and grandchildren. She loves me enough to deal with flight delays and dusty heat. She is amazing.

I was born in the evening of August 15th when Perry Mason was apparently just starting on TV. My father had just turned 30 two weeks before my arrival, and my mother was just 23. My mother passed away when she was 55, and my father after 7 years in a nursing home following a devastating stroke at age 69. Neither lived long enough to know my life as a divorced lesbian, and would have wondered at my choice to live in Paisley. Hopefully they’d have come around to my being gay, and as long as I have a job and am self sufficient, my father would have relaxed about the move. He’d also loved all the gun-toting, horse-riding republicans and he’d have adored Trump. Mom would have romanticized the First Nation people, and asked me about all the churches we’ve tried in our futile search for another St. Stephen’s. In any case, their daughters, myself and Elizabeth, are doing fine, and so are our five children. Mary Lee has 5 grandchildren, too. The 10 great grands of Ruth and Henry.

Ruth Turner, the descendant of slave owners. Henry Lincoln, cousin to the Great Emancipator. In that tension lies most of American History.

One thing that I reflect on as I think about the descendants of Ruth and Henry, is that we are committed to the social good, and to the arts. My sister is learning Healing Touch for working with animals and humans. Cousin Julie is an expert on pollinators, working against all hope for the healing of the environment with the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. Her sister, Targ, is a middle school guidance counselor. Brother Andrew McIntyre, who couldn’t come to Paisley, is a professor of acupuncture. Yuuki is an artist, exploring gender and the biracial life as a Japanese-American hyphenated human, with courage and sass. I’ve been a social worker for 33 years, now psychotherapist to the bruised and broken-hearted of Lake County. My daughter Clara is in charge of a tutoring site in Prince Georges County for at risk Latinx youth, using her bilingual skills to bring children and grandchildren of immigrants more opportunity through education. My son Jonah makes music videos in Brooklyn, living in what Beverly Tatum Daniel calls the borderlands where cultures complement, challenge, connect and stimulate each other. I asked him recently why he only dates women of color, particularly women of the African Diaspora. He says, they can relate to being of two cultures. Since he grew up white in a non-white world, he feels like a code switcher, too.

We are all in our own way, justice-seeking.

 The other part of the birthday extravaganza was letting people give to me. Receiving. Valerie had been reading a book called, It’s Not Your Money, by Tosha Sliver, who’s an amazing writer using humor and an ecumenical lens. I started reading it, and found this prayer, which I inhaled into my heart for the awkwardness of receiving all the love of my family for my birthday.

Here I go, headlong into my 61st year, giving with complete ease and abundance, wildly open to receiving.

[witchesweird]

I’ve never gotten it. There’s a Hallmark-stamped mania preceding Halloween and ending abruptly at the crack of dawn on November first and I’ve always felt just outside of it. Now that I’m a dad and I have to explain what the normal people are doing, I’m seeing how objectively weird it is. My youngest dresses up as some kind of character or animal almost every day and it makes him feel special. On Halloween last year, he took a look at the throngs of children combing the streets with their undignified parents, begging for candy and said “Daddy, we have candy at HOME.” He felt utterly unspecial and a bit uncomfortable. My oldest son, now a teenager himself, is not particularly keen on trick-or-treating except for reasons of nostalgia. He is nearly my height.

This pains me.

When I was a child, I lived on a farm. Near the end of summer vacation, we would inevitably have a day of it being slightly less hot than normal, and I would get the urge to search for ghosts, carve a Jack-o-lantern, dress up as a witch or a warlock, and parade around with a staff. My Halloween jonesing would this begin somewhere between August and September, and I would uncharacteristically become interested in counting the weeks til the most magical night of the year. I have a photo of myself dressed as a clown around age five, and I look absolutely depressed. My hatred of clowns comes not from IT, or fear, but a general annoyance that I once dressed as one when I wanted to be, say, a vampire or a witch. A couple times, after begging endlessly to be taken trick-or-treating, I dressed up with items from the closet only to have it rain and still ask to be taken up and down the road to our nearest two neighbors, miles away. They were unprepared, and the whole thing was disappointing. I never developed a sweet tooth for anything other than chocolate, and I can only remember being taken out on Halloween twice as a child. A third Halloween when I was closer to 13, a friend a few miles away had me come over to walk his little rural neighborhood with him, dressed as Wyld Stallyns. We knocked on twenty doors, interrupted some older teens having a threesome (they came to the door in only underwear and holding some bondage gear, and the two girls couldn’t stop laughing), and went home with about six pieces of candy apiece.

I’m saying that my real-life bonding experiences with Halloween didn’t go as well as Snoopy and the Peanuts gang led me to hope. The watercolor backgrounds and fall-breezy soundtrack over the sunset and nighttime scenes felt liminal, magical, mysterious and I yearned for that feeling every Halloween.

Oh, and also I grew up in a haunted house. I’ve written about those experiences before and I surely will again. The haunting events were so commonplace for us that you couldn’t come into our house and make up a story saying you’d seen a ghost. You didn’t just SEE the ghost, and we wouldn’t lead guests with stories or wind them up. People had enough experiences that were nearly identical that we were skeptical if they ever deviated from the norm;“Oh you saw a ghost? What’d it look like? Yeah, you’re full of it.” So other kids would spend the night at my house, have a weird experience, and understandably be prevented from returning or not want to, and that was YEAR-ROUND. I’ve had as many encounters in December and July as I have in October... if not more. I’d be craving that spooky feeling from walking in a graveyard in an autumn fog at sunset but getting nothing and I’d think “okay NOW it’s socially acceptable to be spooky, let’s DO this”. I’ve never been a particular fan of horror films (though I’ve done music for two and had a one-second, ill-fated cameo in one as “Blowjob Guy”... long story) because for Eighteen years, I’d experience not-usually-scary stuff at random. Getting ready for prom? Door swings shut and slams as guitars ring out and fall over. Need to pee in the middle of the night? Dark figure standing over the bed. Steps coming down the hallway? No person there. Random knocks on doors, doors suddenly being locked, cat running out of empty bedroom yelling bloody murder and refusing to return. TV turning on or off by itself. Nothing huge but definitely constant weirdness.

Now that I’m arguably an adult, Halloween makes me nostalgic for... yes, the weird little haunting stuff, the spooky feeling, the strange energy of the last moments of a sunset fading from the clouds, and the feeling of my heart in my throat as I realize that there is now something else in the room with me. It’s a very personal, solitary kind of nostalgia for me, and one that I have a hard time explaining to my kids. I wanted normal Halloween but instead I got what I got; the weird Halloween. I dig it... now.

It’s independent of Heavy Metal, gory movies, Rocky Horror, waxy-tasting fun-size Halloween “chocolate”. It has a lot more to do with walking into a cedar forest (where the ghosts in my house seemed to actually reside), feeling like everything is unreal for a couple hours, and emerging from the fog with a new wand plucked from the center of a mossy circle in the forest, left there by a child 80 years ago.

Part of me has always felt way, way outside of the Halloween that everyone else celebrates, but maybe the spirits in the woods just had a different angle to show me.

[docandprof]

In Which There Are Interviews

What’s up Doc?

I am glad to say that “things” actually happened in my life this past week or so. By that I mean I don’t have to feebly grasp at the ordinary events of my life to come up with something to write about. Let’s dive in!

I’ll start with a pleasant surprise. It was a beautiful day for February so my friend and I were going to go play some frisbee after class. Naturally, I went to my room to drop off my backpack and grab the small-plastic-disc-that-you-toss, but noticed a gift bag sitting in the middle of my room. I tried to think of a reason why Anthony would have gotten a gift at this time of year, but came up empty when suddenly a strange female rose from the blankets of my lofted bed with a spooky “Hello there.” Yep. It was Lyss. For weeks she had been blatantly lying to me, saying she couldn’t come visit. Turns out everyone around me knew she was coming for weeks and I never heard a peep about it. Nevertheless I was excited to see her and we had a good, relaxing weekend with the J man and friends. Oh, I also got my cuddle buddy back :) but I won’t go into more detail on that. 

Among that happiness though there was some frightening, eye-opening news shared with me that our old friend had a stroke. To think that someone so young and healthy could be rushed to the ER like that. What’s more is that she was a close friend. Until it happened it always seemed like “Oh things like that won’t happen to me or people in my life”, you know. I am just so thankful she is doing alright now. It was a real eye opening experience as to how fragile our lives really are. In one instant - poof - that could be it. So let us cherish every moment. Alright, monologue about the omnipresence of imminent death aside, I have had many an interview in the past week!

Interview #1: Entrepreneurs - So for my entrepreneurship class we had to interview an actual entrepreneur and make a video of it. I expected it to be twenty or thirty minutes since we only needed to make a max ten minute video, but we ended up talking with the founder and director of sales of the company for two hours! Both guys were really nice and very interesting to talk to. I did not expect that experience to be what it was, but I’m thankful for it! In case you were considering starting up an entrepreneurial venture (I want in, if that’s ever the case) here are some tidbits about entrepreneurship. I don’t think they’re anything new, but I learned that it is not the idea that makes a business as much as it is the team you have working on it. Also, it is probably better if you can do a few things really good than a lot of things really average. Anyways, it’s probably okay to say it, so I’ll mention that the company is Socio, an app for connecting all sorts of social accounts with other people in just the shake of a phone. 

Interview #2: Honors Mentor - An hour after my interview of the entrepreneurs, it was time to switch to the other side of the table. I arrived early for the interview, as expected, and myself and the other interveiwees talked with the faculty director of the program who happened to be quite the funny guy. To give you an idea of him he could tell stories kind of like Pehle and had the calm confidence of Dr. B, so he generally seemed like a guy worth knowing. Before the interview, he challenged us to slip a “meow” into our interviews and we also did power poses to decrease cortisol levels, which may or may not actually be effective. The interview itself was conducted by two previous mentors and was pretty standard. I think I did a fair job, and by the end of the interview we were discussing octopus consumption and sushi burritos so, I’m confident. (Maybe.)

Interview #3: Internship - This one was just this morning and so that you aren’t super curious while reading, I think it went well. It was a ways away from my dorm so I had to figure out the bus system around town, and let me tell you I was more concerned about getting there than the actual interview - that is until I got there without any problems and realized I was about to walk into my first interview for a “real world” position. I arrived early, so the interview began a bit ahead of schedule. She walked me around the facility, renovated just two years ago and still looking brand new, modern, and like a generally nice place. We got to the back of the building and SHE ATTACKED ME WITH A SHOVEL! Just kidding. She motioned me into a glass cage where there was another interviewer waiting to hit me with a folding chair and follow it up with a body slam. However, there was really nothing to worry about so I swallowed my nerves and walked in, past the point of no return. It began as most interviews apparently do - “so tell me about yourself.” So I did. She then told me more about the company and the work I would be doing and they took turns asking me questions to which I threw out some (hopefully) solid answers. Unfortunately, the internship is here, so I wouldn’t get to go home for part of the summer and the pay is less than I would hope for. Between the low pay and having to find and pay for somewhere to live, this does not financially seem like a good option. In terms of actual work experience, the atmosphere there, and my coworkers, I think I would enjoy that much more than an underwriting internship at my mom’s company. But I won’t get ahead of myself anymore seeing as I have not been accepted for any positions. I will likely just be spending the summer giving out donuts and smiles, as I am experienced in. 

So I had quite a bit of interviews in quite a short amount of time. 

Hey! This is exciting. I finally learned how to swing out! This move is the foundation for real swing dancing. This was the move I missed all the lessons about last semester and fell hopelessly behind. Not this time though! I was on fire last night! And not just because 40+ people were crammed into a tiny classroom, but I felt a confidence in dancing that someone with my skills and my hips should never feel, but it felt amazing! I am glad I took up swing dancing because it is turning out to be lots of fun!

Now to answer your question I totally didn’t almost forget about after all that ^. There is surely no such thing as too many adventures. I mean adventure in all senses of the word. Travelling the world, the town, through a book, or exploring yourself, I believe all of these to be adventures in their own right and you can never have too much adventure, for adventure is the progenitor of progress! And as Andy Dufresne says in the Shawshank Redemption, “‘Get busy living, or get busy dying.’” If the adventure stops, life stops, and that is not good. So whatever adventure means to you, keep it going. This week I will recommend lofi hip hop radio on YouTube by the channel ChilledCow. If you haven’t heard it, it’s great to study to! Alright. That’s enough. No question this post, I figure you’ll have enough to talk about. 

I’ll be seeing you then.

Professor Souls