#the future because of exams lmao but right now i am going to focus on the genshin livestream on friday

[show-choir-gal]

“Pretty Boy” Oliver Wood Smut

Requested by: savannah117230 on wattpad "Can you do an Oliver Wood smut? They could be best friends since 3rd year but she is a Slytherin so they kept their friendship a secret but in their 5th year their friendship is exposed. You can make up the rest because I'm not that creative lol."

A/N: I really like this idea! I'm going to switch it up a bit but I still really enjoy this! I did a bunch of drinking towards the end of it so if there's anything wrong just lmk lmao.

Warnings: SMUT, cursing, a brief instance of sexual assault, oral (male and female receiving)

Word count: 7,473

Guide: Y/N: Your Name Y/L/N: Your Last Name Y/H/C: Your Hair Colour

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I was the presumed heiress of Slytherin, both my parents were very prominent and well known Death Eaters. I was even sometimes called Slytherins "princess" just waiting for another noble Slytherin to come and sweep me off my feet. Marcus Flint, a boy in my year, was convinced he was my "knight in shining armour" and would try to get with me every chance he got. Typically, it always ended with me saying, "I'm sorry but who are you again?" But it never stopped, he was really persistent. It was kind of sad though, but I had to just deal with it. It was a big shock, to my fellow housemates, when I showed up at Quidditch trails. I walked out onto the pitch and just saw all these mouths agape. I looked at every single boy on that pitch with confusion. "We just weren't expecting to see you here Y/N." Our captain, Duncan Pucey said with almost as much as confusion drawn on his face like the rest of the boys standing there. "You boys seem to forget my father was a keeper his entire time here AND played for years on the Falmouth Falcons. Now, can we please stop gawking at me and start trials already?" I retaliated. It was no surprise when I made the team, but it was a surprise when I was placed as a chaser. I for sure thought I would be keeper just like my father. Duncan pulled me aside the last practice before games officially started, "I want you to know that you're brilliant in any position you play, but I need you as a chaser. There's a boy on the Gryffindor team, his name is Oliver...Wood? I think it's Oliver Wood and he knows Quidditch almost as well as you. I need you to keep the chasers on the best path to keeping us winning." He explained as he patted my back and then sent me off to the locker room. And that's exactly what I did. I was keeping the chasers in check, including Duncan. We made plays that no one dared to mess with and were almost impossible to beat. I wasn't entirely like my father, no no. My mother was the brightest witch of her time and it was clear I was following those footsteps as well. Best of both worlds one would assume. I wasn't some Slytherin who only did enough to pass class, I was going above and beyond each time and I quickly made it to top of my class.

The end of our second year wasn't super eventful, until Oliver and I were paired together for what seemed like the millionth time in Charms. Professor Flitwick rarely ever let us choose our own partners which would typically would be fine with me, but I was just continuously paired with Oliver Wood. Once I saw his usual grades, I immediately knew why. He was doing enough to pass, such a shame because he actually was brilliant. Our last class of charms before final exams came and went, but Professor Flitwick surprised me when he called Oliver and I up to his desk after class. "Is there something wrong Professor?" I questioned, shifting my bag behind my shoulders as I pulled my Y/H/C out from behind the bag. "Not per-say Miss Y/L/N. But I am concerned about Mr. Wood. He seems more concerned about Quidditch than his grades." "But I don't need good grades to get recruited for Quidditch." Oliver butt in, to which I rolled my eyes and scoffed. "But you need good grades to graduate Mr.Wood," Professor Flitwick turned to me, "Miss Y/L/N, could you be his study partner?" Professor Flitwick almost pleaded with me, but I didn't have the heart to turn down one of my favourite professors. I let out a long sigh, "I suppose." I replied as I crossed my arms across my chest and moved my weight onto my right leg and hip. Professor Flitwick beamed with delight, "Brilliant! 20 points to Slytherin. Now you two have a good rest of your day." He said as he started to clean up his classroom, Oliver and I made our way out of the classroom and toward the dining hall. Oliver opened his mouth but I responded quicker, "No, you are not getting any Quidditch secrets. Meet me in the library tonight at 7 or I will find you and drag you there myself." "Is that a threat or a promise?" He asked with a smirk. "Wipe that fucking smirk off your face before I decide to hex you instead." The smirk dropped off his face and we entered the dining hall and went our separate ways as I rolled my eyes, eager to let my friends in on the trauma of Oliver Wood I will endure for the foreseeable future.

Our third year came up a lot faster than expected, but I was still excited. I entered Platform 9 3/4 with my parents, and immediately we were met with stares and whispers. We quickly said our goodbyes, but not before my father handed me a broom. As he handed me the broom, he hugged my mother closer and smiles grew on their faces when they saw the excitement in my eyes. "A Transylvanian Barb! They're brand new! But why?" I asked, confused about the gift, but still excited nonetheless. "Our beautiful girl deserves only the best. Keep breaking records out there darling." My mother said before they pulled me in for one last hug and kiss before I boarded the train. I made my way to the back where the Slytherins were, but I couldn't help but notice all the stares and whispers now directed toward me. Directed solely toward me. I just hurried to the Slytherin car and I saw all my teammates waiting for me. We were all so excited for the new year because a new year meant new Quidditch plays. But a new term also meant that soon enough, you were Olivers study partner. It wasn't the ideal situation, but if it meant that the only person close to your skill was still on the pitch, and I was willing to make sure I had a worthy opponent. Soon enough, Oliver was asking for help in all our classes. I didn't mind, I got to keep him accountable, but it took up a lot more of my time. Eventually, it was nearing the time final game of the year. Gryffindor against Slytherin. Both of our teams were practicing as much as we could. I almost had no time to breathe, but this would all be over soon and everything would be a lot better and easier. I found myself in divination class, seated next to Marcus and Terence at our table. We were learning tessomancy, the divination form that requires you to read tea leaves. This class was meant to focus on soulmates and finding their initials in our leaves. Terence was struggling to figure his out, while Marcus just smirked at me. "It's your initial, looks like you really are my soulmate babe." Marcus said with a smirk. I shot him a disgusted look, "Mine is an 'M' BUT before you say anything it's the initial of the persons last name you git." I looked down at my cup and realised my mistake, my cup was upside down. That 'M', is actually a 'W'. I wasn't going to admit this to them though. "Fuck," I sighed, "Must be Malfoy." I played off how I really felt and what everything really meant. There were plenty of people in this school with last names beginning with 'W', but I didn't want to press it to much longer. I ended up helping the rest of the Slytherins and Trewlaney gave me 15 points for Slytherin. I immediately went to my usual spot in the library and just hoped and prayed to Merlin everything would go back to normal. Oliver arrived moments later and took his usual seat. We had two essays to write so we just created small talk every now and again to fill the air. I finished before Oliver, I did some studying before he finished. I proof read his essay, it was actually really good. "Oliver, this is great! I told you that if you a little more effort in you would be great! You might not need me much longer." I said with a playful chuckle. "I would hate to end these study sessions, working with you is actually quite fun and you help me keep on track. Who knew the princess of Slytherin had it all? Looks, smarts, and excellent quidditch skills." Oliver said with a smirk, which made me blush. "Alright pretty boy, I love my ego being stroked, but both of us have practice tonight. Mine is soon, yours is later. I'll see you tomorrow on the pitch Wood. Can't wait to kick your ass." I said as I sent a wink his way and walked away after all my stuff was packed away. I made my way down to the pitch where I got ready and headed over to Duncan to discuss what plays we need to make and so on. By the end of practice, we had a solid plan in place for the game against Gryffindor. We were all radiating positivity with how well practice went for us. We all changed but as soon as we left the locker room, Gryffindor was making their way onto the pitch. Marcus went right up to them and I followed, not wanting anything serious to happen. Marcus was about to say something but I grabbed his arm and pulled him away, "Marcus if you lay even a finger on them before the game tomorrow I will make sure you don't play and you're a sub next year. Step away from them or I will force you to back away." "Awe you're hot when you're angry. How about this, I don't do anything to these pussy's and when we win we celebrate in my dorm and you sleep with me?" Marcus asked in a condescending tone as we walked away. I stopped and immediately started to pretend to gag at the words that just came out of his mouth, "I would much rather sleep with Wood over there ten times over before I even thought about touching you." I practically yelled. All eyes were on us. "What does Wood have that I don't clearly I'm packing a lot more than him." He said as his right hand moved to touch his member through his pants and his left hand trailed around my waist and  squeezed my right butt cheek. That was all I needed to immediately cock my arm back and land a hard punch directly on his nose, which was now just gushing blood down his body. Marcus stumbled back and scrambled to his feet. Terence started to bring him off the pitch. I took my wand out and pointed it at him. I started to make my way towards him when Duncan and a few other of my teammates held me back with all their strength. "I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU FLINT. I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU THE NEXT CHANCE I GET. I SWEAR TO MERLIN. YOU WILL WISH YOU NEVER EXISTED YOU FILTHY PIECE OF SHIT EXCUSE FOR A WIZARD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, I had tears streaming down my face at this point. Both from the experience and the pain my throat was in. Miles ran to get a professor as Duncan hugged me and apologised to the Gryffindor team. Duncan held onto me as we made our way to meet with Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall. I made eye contact with Oliver as I passed by and he looked broken just from witnessing the exchange. Duncan and I met with the Headmaster and our head of house in his office and explained everything that happened. It wasn't a long meeting but it wasn't a short meeting either. Duncan agreed with Snape and Dumbledore that Flint was going to be out for the last game of the year and sub for most of next year. We made our way to dinner and all eyes were on me, but I just ignored it and just put on my RBF and plotted revenge (and how I could possibly tell my parents). It was the day of the biggest game of the year to us. I got to the locker room extra early to clear my mind and go through last minute plays to make sure they were as clean and thought out as possible. Duncan followed not too long after me and I informed him of some errors I found and we worked through them. Once the rest of the team was in the locker room and changed we went over the game plan. After Duncan's speech, we entered the pitch to some cheers but mostly boo's. We were all on the pitch when we got into our positions and went up into the sky. Before we took our actual positions, Oliver sent a wink my way. I just shook my head and shoo'd him away to the posts. The game was going great, we were leading but not by much. We needed that snitch to win. Terence was so close to catching it, Charles wasn't making it too easy though. I paid as little attention as possible toward the seekers fighting for the snitch. Fred and George Weasley were towards the left of me but pretty far behind. I had just caught the quaffle and was heading towards the goals when all of a sudden, I was hit hard in the side and I let go of the quaffle as I flew off my broom from the force of the hit. I hit the corner of the Slytherin stand and just free fell to the ground. I was out cold before I hit the ground. Terence caught the snitch, but people were concerned with my limp body lying on the ground. I woke up later that day in the hospital wing, my team was surrounding me. They told me everything that happened. Fred and George performed a Dopplebeater Defence and the bludger went straight for me. It hit me hard enough to throw me to the corner of the stands like I was a muggle rag doll and I immediately fell hundreds of feet to the ground. I had several broken ribs and many more fractures. But I was more concerned about my broom and if we had won. Duncan chuckled, "We did win, Terence caught the snitch right as you hit the stands. And your broom is fine. I grabbed it before it plummeted to the ground." We were all caught up in conversation when there was a throat clear from behind my team surrounding my bed. "Leave her alone Weasley's, she doesn't need to be hurt anymore." Duncan said, in a voice so firm yet so angry. "We came to apologise." The twins said in unison. I chimed in before Duncan could, "It's fine. You guys can go. I'll be fine." I smiled and hurried them along. "We're so sorry Y/N," Fred started. "We didn't think it would curve and get you." George chimed in. "We promise, once you're better we'll get you all the sweets you want," I cut them off, "Guys it's okay. It's a game of quidditch. I'd be naive if I didn't believe I would never get hurt. I forgave you a long time ago. But I still appreciate the care you two have." I replied with a smile as they handed me a bouquet of wild flowers. They made their way out, I placed the flowers on the bedside table. I looked up and saw Oliver. "How are you feeling?" He asked as he took the seat next to me. "Besides just a blanket of pain, I'm pretty good now that you're here." I said with a smile. There was a thick silence that enveloped both of us, eventually Oliver broke that silence. "Are we friends?" He asked. "What do you mean?" "Like, you've really grown on me in our study sessions and I want to be friends with you but.." "I have an image to uphold Wood. But we can, if that's what you want. Just, we must keep the study sessions professional. Secret friendship, for now," I said, I saw the sorrow in his eyes "It's a secret for now. Until I can figure all this out. I promise Ollie." I said as I stuck out my pinky finger, he chuckled and hooked his pinky finger with mine. Oliver came down every day to help me with homework and our usual study sessions. But once everyone left we just chatted like old pals. It was so much easier once I could actually go back to classes and roaming the castle. Every day meshed together; I went to my classes, bickered back and forth with Oliver, had study sessions, and then snuck away to have alone time with Oliver and acted like normal friends behind closed and hidden doors. I hated it, but being the "heiress of Slytherin" I had an image to uphold. Hopefully our 5th or 6th year I can just be open about this, but right now is not the time. Especially because I don't know what they'd do to Oliver. It was more for his protection, and he figured that out the more we hung out and talked. The deeper our friendship grew, the more we learned about each other... and the more I started to feel something more for him. The end of the year came so fast, yet went by so slow. Saying goodbye to everyone hurt when the one person I didn't want to leave I couldn't even say goodbye to. No matter how bad I felt, Oliver and I still wrote to each other practically every day. Each new letter was a countdown to the first of September, a countdown to seeing my best friend. But with each letter also came stronger and stronger feelings I had never felt before. Was this love? Was this what love felt like? What is this feeling?

The first of September has come yet again, welcoming me to my fourth year at Hogwarts, but this time my family and I were accompanied by the Malfoy's. Mum and dad have always wanted me to marry Draco, keep the pureblood line going. I didn't hate Draco, he was very annoying for an 11 year old, but I didn't hate him. Neither of our families believed in arranged marriages, but they definitely mentioned a married between Draco and I often. Draco was definitely infatuated with me. Trying his best to flirt with me and to keep my attention on him. At the train, I hugged my parents goodbye and hugged Narcissa and shook Lucius' hand. Draco and I boarded the train together, "Now, I sit with all of the older years and first years aren't allowed, but after tonight you can always find me when you need me." I said as I sent Draco a smile. Draco took my hand and kissed it and went on his merry way to find someone to befriend. My eyes drifted from Draco to Oliver, who seemingly was watching the whole time. He shot a smile my way, causing me to blush. I walked passed him to the Slytherin cart and he slipped a piece of parchment into my hand. I kept walking and as I entered I sat in my usual seat, but only Terence and Miles were in their seats. I read the note, "I really missed you, more than ever. Meet me on the pitch at 8?" I let out a smile as I slyly slid the note into my right pocket. We continued our conversations of our summer holidays as more of our peers came through and sat down. I announced that I was the quidditch captain now that Duncan has graduated. We all enjoyed our time together once again, after all, it was just another year and another House Cup we were determined to win. It came to the sorting ceremony and I only was anticipating Draco and his sorting. He was sorted into Slytherin faster than I was, but he was proud and made his way over to me and kissed my cheek before sitting right next to me. My teammates just looked over at me, and then Draco, and looked more confused than when a professor calls on them and they're not paying attention. Draco happily chimed in, "I'm going to marry her. Join the Malfoy and Y/L/N pureblood names and have the greatest bond to ever occur in the wizarding world." He had a smile beaming from ear to ear. They all shifted their gazes onto me, questioning if it was real or in his imagination. "I'll explain later, don't worry guys." I said to calm them down, which it only helped slightly. The upperclassmen made their way to their perspective common rooms. I told my teammates how it wasn't fully a thing, arranged at least. It was encouraged but not forced, and to just let Draco believe whatever he wants to believe. They all finally understood and proceeded to start a whole new conversation. It was almost 8 and I decided to sneak away from my friends and down to the pitch. If someone finds me on my way there then I can just say I need to cleat my mind or something like that. I can always get myself out of trouble. As soon as I walked by the Gryffindor locker room, I heard a faint whisper and made my way to see inside. As soon as I cracked the door, an arm reached out and grabbed my forearm and yanked me inside. I practically fell onto whomever just pulled me in. I looked up and saw Olivers infamous smile and pulled him in for a tight hug. The hug seemed to go on forever, but eventually we let go, but not fully, his arms were still wrapped around my waist and my arms were wrapped around his neck. "Oh how I've missed you." He said with a smirk, but there was definitely something hiding behind it. I was studying his face like it was a written exam. And caught on and he guided me to the benches right behind us. "Obviously I wanted to say hi, but that's not the only thing I wanted to talk to you about," Oliver started as he sat beside me, "I've been having this thought and this feeling for a while now," I was confused, and the furrowed brows and now titled head made him keep going. "I know you like sleeping around and fucking whenever you can... NOT that it's a bad thing because I like that too. But... B-but I want to know what it's like to like, sleep with one person. And I just hope you've been feeling this sexual tension too, Y/N. Would you like, to like, maybe be friends with benefits?" He asked and he started to blush as he looked away. I knew it was too good to be true, he didn't feel the same way I think I feel about him. But if this was the closest to a relationship I could have with him, I was going to seize the moment. "I'm glad you felt the tension too, I was starting to grow exhausted just hiding it," I said as I inched a little closer to him as I unbuttoned the top buttons of my white blouse, "I was getting tired of hopping from dick to dick. Although the variety was nice, getting railed by the same cock over and over sounds so much better to me." I got even closer to him, I moved his hands to my bare thighs and my hands tugged at his shirt. Oliver crashed his lips into mine, the rough intensity of the kiss threw me off guard but I enjoyed every moment of it. I quickly deepened the kiss, feeling myself grow wetter and wetter as Oliver finished unbuttoning my blouse. I unhooked my black bra and he took off his turtleneck and we threw our articles of clothes onto the ground, just letting them land wherever they pleased. I took one look at his body and my mouth dropped. Toned but not overly defined, a perfect middle ground. Oliver took full advantage of the moment and placed his hands roughly on my bare sides, sending sparks throughout my body, and he pulled my into him and crashed his lips onto my bare neck as he sucked and bit every inch of my neck and collarbone. Oliver was still in a sitting position while I was standing over him, one leg on each side of the bench. As Oliver found my sweet spot, he started to pull my skirt down to my knees and I took it off and threw it wherever it decided to land. He started to leave hickies all over my upper body he kissed his way down to my breasts. He took my left breast into his mouth and sucked and kissed every inch of it. His right and trailed from my side down to my warm and wet pussy. He didn't even hesitate to move my panties out of the way and rubbed the folds of my dripping wet pussy. That feeling all on its own made me whimper and melt into him more than I was. His mouth moved to my right breast and give it the same attention my left breast received earlier. His left hand was free and moved to unbutton his pants and pull out his pulsating cock. As soon as I felt his cock touch my thigh, I positioned myself over his member. "I've waited all summer for this." He said right before he took his cock and rubbed the tip up and down my soaking wet folds. He stopped at my entrance but before he could say anything I lowered myself onto him, feeling his cock fill up all the empty space inside of me. No one has ever filled me so perfectly. I crashed my lips onto his as I rode his cock up and down and making sure he understands what he's getting. "If I didn't want this, I wouldn't be this wet for you... pretty boy." As those words left my mouth, Oliver held me close to him, picked me up and laid me down on the bench. He would alternate his thrusts between fast and slow, seemingly trying to pace himself so he can savour this moment. I felt my core start to contract and tighten and my pussy became more and more sensitive. In between my increasingly shallow breaths, I noticed that I was edging closer and closer to my climax. "Ol-Ol-Oliver," My breaths were becoming more and more shallow, "I-I'm g-g-g-getting cl-lose." Oliver was letting out low grunts of pleasure as he gripped my hips tighter than before, but with the words that seemingly dripped out of my mouth, Oliver thrusted harder and faster than he had previously in our little rendezvous. With each new thrust, a new grunt or groan came out of Olivers mouth, I could feel his cock twitch inside me and I knew he was ready to cum. I reluctantly brought my right hand down to my clit and started to stimulate myself while he thrusted into me. I started to feel myself become undone in Olivers grasp, my head was thrown back and my back arched as I let out a final pleasure filled moan. Oliver watched in awe and pleasure as I came undone on his cock. Once my high finished, I pushed Oliver back and got onto my knees in front of him. I took his hard cock into my hand started to pump before I placed my lips onto the tip of his dick. I pumped his shaft as I played with the tip of his cock with my tongue. I felt his cock twitch in my hand one final time before he let his cum release into my mouth. He was a mess of sweat and heavy breathing, I swallowed his seed as he sat on the bench we were just having our most amazing high on. I started to gather my clothes and get dressed, as I was putting my bra on I said, "That was-" I was cut off my Oliver, "Amazing." "That was amazing," He said as he slapped my ass, "I would love to do this again." He pulled me closer as he still hungrily looked me up and down. We both finished getting dressed but then he grabbed my hand and sat me down on the bench again, "We should probably figure out a game plan for this, like rules for us being friends with benefits." I nodded my head in agreement. "Alright, chime in any time you have something to say," I nodded at his statement and he continued, "Consent is the most important thing of all, we are still friends and I trust that both of us will let the other know if sex isn't in the cards for the night. We are friends above all. Secondly, we should probably stop when one of us gets into a relationship. Lastly, no catching feelings." He finished with a chuckle, but my face sort of flushed but I tried to keep my composure. "Couldn't agree more." I said behind a fake smile as I stuck my hand out for him to shake, and he returned the favour. I snuck out of the Gryffindor locker room and went into my own, grabbing my broom and waiting to see Oliver walk up to the castle. I went onto the pitch and just flew around, trying to sort through my own thoughts. I realised it was close to curfew and so I landed, but my broom back in its spot and headed back up to the castle. My team was waiting up for me, scared that something had happened to me but I assured them I was just at the pitch starting to get a game plan going and clearing my mind. As the boys trickled out of the common room, the only ones left were Terence and I but we had sat in silence for some time and I was just staring into the fire. "Is everything okay Y/N?" He asked, which slightly startled me enough to look him in the eyes. "Of course I am T, I just...have a lot on my mind." I said with a bit of a forced smile. He wasn't quite sure if he was buying it but then he said, "Okay, but I care a lot about you and I want you to know you can always talk to me." He placed his hand on my thigh in reassurance, I placed my hand over his and shot him a smile before standing up and heading to our dorm rooms. Maybe Terence could help take my mind off of Oliver only wanting to fuck me. And that's what started to happen. Several times a week, Oliver and I would meet up and either just have a grand ol' time or just to fuck but during the day, I was growing closer and closer to Terence. But Oliver still definitely had my heart, in more ways than one. Nothing I could do would make me feel differently. Oliver and I were both captains, which made fuck sessions and wagers even better than before. Slytherin won the first game of the year, so Oliver had to eat me out, and honestly he might've loved it more than I did. When Gryffindor won their first game, I gave him a blowjob and really whatever he wanted. The Quidditch house cup was quickly approaching and both of us were starting to have stress sex several times a week. He was my release of this stress and I was his. The day before the last game against Slytherin and Gryffindor, Oliver and I had just finished working on our DADA essays and I was cleaning up when Oliver just looked at me and said "Oh, I have a girlfriend now. So, no more funny business." He said with a smirk and a chuckle as he collected his things and went on his way. My heart sank to my feet as tears welled up in my eyes, but I just wiped whatever there was away and I marched my way down to the pitch to try to take my mind off of everything going on around me. I changed into my uniform and sat down thinking and rethinking plays as my leg bobbed up and down with stress. I had notes scribbled everywhere and I was struggling to keep my head on my shoulders. Terence, Miles, and Adrien walked in expecting them to be the first but were shocked to see me but even more shocked to see the chaos surrounding me. Terence asked the other two boys to give them a moment and he sat next to me and rubbed my back, trying to soothe me. "What's going on Y/N?" "A guy I thought really liked me doesn't and he has a girlfriend. We were doing a friends with benefits thing but I hoped it would turn into more." I replied and he pulled me closer. "Well clearly he's an absolute git for leaving you for someone else, even if all you two did was fuck. You deserve so much more than whoever that asshole is." "You're right, I deserve so much better than him. I shouldn't have let it go on this long." "I know this is quick, but we have been hanging out a lot more these past few months and I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend? No pressure, but the hogsmeade dates made me feel a type of way and I hope you feel the same." I smiled and cupped his face in my hands and kissed him, "I would love to. Thank you for showing me I deserve better." We both smiled and the team joined us in the locker room as I reworked plays with my newly cleared mind, well, not fully cleared. Practice went really well and I'm very pleased with what we have prepared for tomorrow. We came down from the sky and Gryffindor was awaiting us in the pitch. "Trying to calculate how much you're going to lose Gryffin-snore?" Adrien shot at them, unprovoked but no care in the world. "Save it for the game boys. See you on the pitch tomorrow, Wood." I said in a dark tone as I shoved passed him as Terrence and I interlocked fingers as we walked into the locker room. It was officially game day and the dining hall was buzzing with wagers and thoughts for the day. Terence and I walked into the dining hall hand in hand and I looked over at Oliver who was staring straight at me. I looked away as we made our way to the table where the rest of our team was sitting. We ate a hearty breakfast and headed to the pitch. Once we were in the locker room and all changed we went over the plays we needed and I finished with a speech, "[...] I know I never say this, so believe me I need you all to listen and take this to heart, play dirty. I will be giving commands but I trust you all know how to play dirty since most of you have been playing that way all year against my wishes... Yes Pucey, I'm talking to you. But you all better hope that if you get a foul on purpose, you better hope Merlin finds you before I even start to hunt you down. Go out and kick some Gryffindor ass." We all exited the room and made our way onto the pitch. Terence and I exchanged a quick peck right in front of Oliver right before we all took position on the pitch. Madam Hooch released the balls and I immediately got the Quaffle and headed toward the goal posts. Angelina and Katie from Gryffindor got on both sides of me but before they could successfully perform a Body Blow on me, I picked up speed and drifted in front of the goals as I threw the Quaffle in and scored. "Forty-three seconds and the first goal goes to Slytherin! The goal was made by Y/N Y/L/N and made a new school record for fast goal made in a match!" Lee Jordan announced. The game went on for ages but I was on fire. I was scoring and checking like no tomorrow, to say I was determined was an understatement. I was fighting for that win, I wanted to see Olivers face lose first hand. And almost as quick as the game started, Terence caught the snitch and Slytherin won! I briefly looked over at Oliver who looked heartbroken, but in more ways than one. I was broken from my chance when Terence came up and pulled me in for a passionate kiss. "And there is it folks, Slytherin's seeker Terence Higgs caught the snitch which landed Slytherin the win of the inter-house Cup! Oh, and by the looks of it he also scored the winning kiss with Slytherin's Captain, Y/N Y/L/N! Y/N won the game with brilliant plays and won Terence's heart!" Lee Jordan said before he said his usual Quidditch game closing announcements. The night was buzzing with drinks and games and cheer in the usually gloomy Slytherin common room. A few weeks passed and Oliver and I were studying for our History of Magic exam when he suddenly stopped and looked at me. "Oliver, are you okay?" He kept staring, I snapped my fingers a few times in front of his face which seemed to take him out of his trance. "Are you serious?" He asked sternly. "About what?" "Dating Terrence." "Well, yeah. That's why we hang out all the time. He treats me like I matter. Anywho, we shouldn't be discussing this because you are also in a relationship. Now keep studying so you don't fail." I left that night feeling uneasy but acted like everything was normal. The end of the year approached fast, but Terrence and I agreed that we just weren't meant for each other romantically and so we broke it off and remained friends. Finals were coming up and so Oliver and I were cramming like we had for countless exams prior. We were in the library very late each night, and this night was no different but something about the atmosphere was very different. "How are you and Terrence?" Oliver asked. "Oh, we broke up a while ago." I replied, keeping my head on my study guide. Olivers head shot up and he looked at me, "What? Why?" "Well," I started as I looked up, "Since you want to be nosy, we just were better off as friends. Simple really, nothing too extreme or anything. How are you and your girl?" "We actually broke up yesterday." "Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you okay?" He pondered that question for a bit, before finally saying something that caught me off guard, "Yeah, but I miss our old nights together." He was waiting for my reaction, hell even I was waiting for my reaction. I missed them too but I didn't want to go through all those feelings all over again. "I miss them too Ollie, but I don't want we used to have. If I'm being honest," I looked around to make sure no one was still in the library, "I caught feelings for you and being friends with benefits hurt me and really messed me up emotionally. I can't put myself through that again." Olivers reaction went from shock, to confusion, to relief. I watched the gears in his mind turn every step of the way for him to process the information I just gave him. "Well that's a relief, I caught feelings for you as well." He said with his signature smirk. My brows furrowed, "Then why did you date another girl?" "To try to get you and your body out of my mind, but the Slytherin heiress has her way with men and I never forgot our endeavors and I just kept missing them. I didn't think you felt the same, so I suppressed my own feelings. I'm sorry, I should've said something sooner." There was an awkward silence between us for a few moments, before Oliver spoke up, "Is that why you destroyed us in the inter-house Cup?" I started to blush and nodded my head yes. His eyes widened and a smile formed on his face, "I hate to admit it but it was bloody brilliant. You're bloody brilliant...on and off the pitch... Can you be my girlfriend?" I blushed and just smiled at him, "Of course. But it's still a secret." The year finished and Oliver and I had successfully kept our relationship under the radar. I hated it but I had a plan, I think.

Fifth year rolled around and started off great. Nothing too exciting happend, except whenever Oliver and I were alone it was more cute and no sex. We mutually agreed to wait. A couple days before the inter-house cup, we snuck into an empty classroom and just talked and chilled together since tomorrow we were both going to be super busy. I was sat atop a desk and Oliver was standing in front of me and holding my hands. Oliver and I leaned in for a kiss when suddenly we heard the door open and a gasp fill the empty room. Both of us spun our head in the direction of the sound, and in the doorway was Lee Jordan. Lee immediately left but that little thing just knocked the wind out of you. "Fuck." I muttered under my breath, "Alright. Hopefully he doesn't go around blabbing about what he saw." "And if he does?" My eyes darted around the room in a moment of pondering, "If he does, then we'll have to make it official in front of everyone." "Is that okay for you?" "We deserve to be open about our relationship. I just need a day or two to get all my ducks in a row. You deserve to be in a public relationship." Oliver smiled at that statement and pulled me into a kiss. We both left the room and headed to our prospective common rooms. The next day started off with an early practice. Lee hadn't spilt the beans about what he saw, yet. I was a bit more nervous than ever before but I still led the team like tomorrow was the last day of their lives. We all left practice happily but I was a bit behind, cleaning the room and pondering my thoughts. I walked into the dining hall for dinner and all eyes were on me and whispers immediately started. I just strutted to my usual seat and just dug in. My teammates opened their mouths and I immediately shot back, "If sone of you says ONE THING I will make sure you don't play tomorrow. I finished eating and went straight to my dorm and fell asleep. I wanted nothing more than for things to be normal again. I woke up bright and early and headed to the pitch. I knew Olivers plays so well, so I was busying myself with coming up with new plays and how to implement them. Eventually the rest of my team joined me and we all got ready. I gave one of the best speeches of my career, but before I could step away from being the centre of attention Marcus asked, "Are you and Woods really dating?" I took a deep breath in, "Yes, yes we are. Now go on the pitch because I never want to hear another word about this. Got it?" We all entered the pitch a few minutes before Gryffindor did, one they came out I immediately looked for Oliver. We made our way over to each other and we looked into each others eyes. "I love you, pretty boy." "I love you too, princess." Oliver threw his broom onto the ground and grabbed my waist and pulled me into a deep and passionate kiss as the crowd roared behind us.

[amindofstone]

A update about the current state of your authors work... please read. It´s kinda important I guess...

Not me being done with life, college, family, humanity! And the never ending pandemic! Like seriously I and every other person that wears their masks would really, really appreciate it if some other people would wear their damn mask too! PLEASE! For the safety of every nations people! Please wear your damn masks or else I´ll send Trafalgar Law and Roronoa Zoro to come and cut off your heads! Thank you. I appreciate. <3

Like if you don´t want to wear them then just stay home. What is so hard about that?! GOD DAMN!

Anyways. *internally screaming because of 99 problems in her life *I need a shoulder to cry on but my mother’s is occupied by my tiny cousin crying on it because we told him that the tooth fairy doesn´t exist. My aunt and my mother send me death glares *help

But lemme get to the point.

I just wanted my dear followers know that I did not forget you or any other person that requested a match up until yesterday (15/06/2021), right before I closed the requests. In fact, every request that got send in so far is accepted and worked on or at least got marked with a character I´d ship yall with.

BUT PLEASE just know that I NEED TIME to actually work on them properly. Those who read my already published match ups will know that I put a lot of time and work on them. SO please be so kind and have patience and mercy with me.

Currently, there are ca. 25 accepted requests for match ups and about 5 + imagines I am working on. I try to do my best and get as much match ups done as I can. Until then please bear with me. College is having the best of me and not being able to go to the library is not helping at all. I can´t even see any other students or friends because my father is close to a heart attack whenever I tell him or my mother that I want to go out because of the fear of me getting the corona virus again (and yes, it sadly is possible to get infected by covid twice.).

Other than that, take care of yourselves my dear mask wearing people and those who actually stay home and enjoy eating and staying in bed all day long just like me. (It´s an actual wonder that I did not gain much of a weight. Just a tiny bit of fat on my tummy that will leave as soon as I start doing my little workout routine. LMAO!) Drink lots of water. Eat healthy food. Work out a bit or go for walks in bit or none crowded places. Love yourselves and rewatch Naruto and Jujutsu Kaisen because yall never know what the future will do to Itadori Yuuji and Uzumaki Naruto.

(You see what I did there? Exactly I only wish my mask wearing humans the best because I am sick of having to hear the sentence “Ma´am/Sir please put on a mask.” I .Am. DONE!)

BYEEEEEEEE! I Love every single person that likes and reads my stuff! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! THERE ARE PEOPLE READING AND EVEN LIKING MY STUFF!! *crys in trilingual 😭💙🥺

Okay Alright I leave and enjoy the rest of the night by finishing “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier” and then switching to Boruto because ya girl is a hoe for Hatake Kakashi and my friend is one for Uchia Sasuke, that mf. I´ll never get over the fact that he gets to have a family with Sakura. She deserves better but let’s put that aside for some other time…. (But if anyone likes to talk about Boruto I´m on episode 96. *winks)

Ok. Love you! Byeeee! 💙

P.S.: The list of stuff I am working on is getting longer and longer but don’t hesitate to send me ideas for imagines/oneshots. Because I can assure you that when it really inspires me I will be working on it instantly while not even sparing a glimpse at my long ass list of imagines and match ups or my studies. My hands truly have their own will.

Oh and yes I'm crying because of the picture at the top. You see how my man Luffy, the future pirate King, is giving my other man Naruto, the actual hokage, a high five?! Y'ALL SEE THAT! I'M IN TEARS! 😭 That's my desktop wallpaper. 🥺

Sorry. I'll leave now for sure....

Update (26.06.2021) : Please don't make any requests for match ups. I'm sorry to say that but I would like to finish the ones that were send in before I choose to close the requests for it. I kinda feel bad that I'm making y'all wait for so long but I'm at the end of my semester and I have to focus on the upcoming exams so please have a bit more patience with me. Thank you in advance. ♡

[thatabitcryptic]

How do you think fidds and fords relationship developed over the years? Like from college to marriage(May and Fidds) to portal partners to enemys to lovers etc. I have my own headcanons but I want to know what you think!

O o o o o o o ok I am a sap so uhh here we go

So during college I don’t really think they had an established romantic relationship,, I personally like to think it started out with ford disliking fidds with. A. Passion.

He’s stuck in the worst University, in the worst dormitory, with the worst roommate.

Fiddleford played banjo almost every night which distracted him from his study. He was loud and rowdy, trying to make conversation when ford was clearly busy and not interested. He was just a southern hick who didn’t take lessons seriously and in Ford’s opinion was wasting his time here.

Until... (please forgive me idk how American schooling works let alone college lmao) end of term exams (I feel like their called finals?? I haven’t a clue tbh) ford starts to push himself harder and harder in class because he can’t fail he can’t he has to prove he’s not just some freak no one wants but he can’t do it he can’t focus it’s all too much he’s going to fail. Everything’s all wrong. He’s missing Stan something.

Fidds sees him struggling to study. Ford’s restless in his chair, grumbling to himself, wiping his tears eyes and he’s standing up and pacing. So fidds, the kind soul that he is, asks what’s wrong to only be met with ford leaning in close and yelling at him about how it’s all his fault he’s failing with his ‘hick southern quirks’ keeping him from concentrating. I hc fidds to be very sensitive about his accent and upbringing when he was younger so this is a heavy blow. Ford sees his face shift from confusion to anger to anxiety and he feels terrible. Uh yeah next he breaks down into fidds’ chest soaking his shirt and just repeating how sorry he is.

Fiddleford comforts him and immediately forgives him bc he is clearly remorseful and tbh fidds just be like that. After ford calms down he starts freaking out again because he’s got exams coming up and he’s not going to do very well. So fiddy boy offers to help but ford is doubtful... and fidds can see it on his face. So he goes and grabs a little knickknack he had been working on (idk what it is but it’s very impressive to ford)

Fidds help him pass all his classes with flying colours. This is when ford realises that he’s gay. However my guy has some internalised homophobia.

Anyway now that they are on better terms they start to hang out and goof around as college buddy’s. If ford gets stressed fidds notices and rests a hand on his shoulder. Ford is very not straight. Also it’s canon that they stay up late and talk about the future which is sweet so that happens.

Okay so college kinda goes like that nothing explicit but lots of pining (hehe) from both sides - fidds is also a flustered mess but ford is blind to it bc there’s no way he would like me back but I’m not gay so it does matter ahaha (ford has lots of emotions)

So fidds’ marriage uhhhh I don’t really have anything positive to say here except for tate so idk

Emma-may. I don’t think she’s all too great considering she left fidds when he needed her most. Also I do think fidds was attracted too her at some point but I don’t think he was ever in love with her. He just got married and had Tate because that’s what you did back then, got married settled down and had kids.

(Oh to set it in the timeline this would be after college when ford was researching gravity falls alone - so the invitation to be the best man at the wedding was heart breaking for him bc he had no clue who this Emma-may was and he felt more alone than he ever had since Stan was kicked out.)

Next portal era!!

Ford doesn’t want to drag fidds away from his family but he needs his help. Ruh roh his feelings resurface and just a heck of a lot of pining.

Fidds and may are going through a rough patch (uhhhh she’s cheating oof) so he is super excited to see ford, to sort of get away for a bit - I like to think they filed for a divorce right before Ford’s call.

Again ford and fidds’ relationship doesn’t become offical but they are both yearning SO MUCH. Oh what Fidds is designing the bunker? oh what he can only fit one bed down there?? Welp Ford’s fine with that bc he’s not gay,, it’s not gay to blush when you homie puts his head on your hair. (Lots of ford waking up to being hugged and he’s fine with that bc ...they’re just friends)

Also fidds is like sad bc his marriage failed so ford is awkwardly trying to cheer him up while also seeing an opening but he represses that’s bc it’s insensitive and he’s totally straight .

Canon blah blah blah

(also may stinks bc even tho you are getting divorced you don't give up on someone who’s going through a huge storm,, especially if he’s the father of your son but idk that’s just my thoughts)

Now 30yrs later. Ford and fidds get together and finally get married :D I have too many ideas about how this could happen so idk but is very fluffy and soft

Okay ahahaha those are my thoughts and I have more small details about them during the portal era I didn’t put in because this is already VERY l o n g.

[jeffywittek2020]

Ah, so it was painful to watch. But at the same time I'm kinda proud of him, he had the courage to go on there and he took all the shit that came his way and owned up to stuff. I have to be honest and say, he was trying to talk his way out or around some stuff, which I don't like, but I feel like he's doing that to not incriminate his friends. And that's going to be his downfall, if he doesn't stop. He has to just say his last word, like Ethan said. He needs to read the article fully and make another video about this with the new perspective that he gained there, own up to it, say sorry, and he'll be good. Because to me, it was clear, when he was starting to trip over his words, it was because he was trying to explain himself and tell the truth without throwing his friends under the bus, which, sadly in this case, doesn't seem to be possible and in the end it made it worse for himself.

And that brings me to my next point, which is... Fuck Todd and David. They are watching this from the sidelines as Jeff is being chewed up online, called a rapist and pedophile and they don't even seem to care. He is still being loyal and trying to not throw them under the bus, but his "friends" are not returning the same energy. Especially Todd... Hope he enjoyed his fucking vacation.

And even bigger point - how do they (David and Todd) not feel guilty about what happened that night and think it's okay to ignore this kind of stuff. Especially when at the end of the article the girl who was assaulted said that all she really wants is for them to acknowledge and apologize for this. (not a direct quote, but what I remember from reading it few days ago, so correct me, please, if I was wrong) Where is their respect and compassion for this girl???

About the interview again... I think Jeff was just very nervous and flustered, and also scared about how this all affects his future. And I completely uderstand, I would be shitting my pants if I were in his position and would probably start crying after being grilled like that.

I'm supportive about Trisha and Ethan correcting and checking him on few things, but I don't really feel good about the fact that they wanted him to speak on his friends. Like he said himself, they have to speak for themselves. But in the end it all got better. Also, I was glad to see that Jeff and Trisha have come to terms with whatever kind of beef they had. It feels like this thing is coming to closure with Jeff and I'm content with still supporting him, because it is visible that he cares and he's learning from this.

At the end of the day, I'm sad that the focus has been taken away from the main problem here, which is Dom and getting justice for the girl. Instead this has become this whole "he said - she said" thing. I really hope something is coming for Dom, legally talking. Because otherwise he's not gonna come online and it won't affect him that much. He doesn't have an online career anyway, so nothing to lose, and if there's not any action taken legally, he can still get a job at McDonald's or something, so he would be fine. But I hope he won't be.

I'm so so sorry this is so long but I wanted to gather all my thoughts together (and they're still all over the place lmao) and also hear your opinion if you're up for it. Because I respect the way that you can look at things from different perspectives instead of blindly defending or hating on someone.

I hope you're doing well and are resting after your exams, even with all this going on. This is mentally exhausting, so if you need to step back, please do! Wishing you the best! <3

Okay and I just want to re- empathized something you said right away. A girl was SA and she deserves peace and justice.

I may be a fan of Jeff, but at the of the day this girl’s story deserves to be heard and I’m glad it is. What happened that night was not okay and I am disappointed Jeff played a role by being there , even a minor one at that.

I agree that I think Jeff should make one last statement. He should own up to his missteps and then as much as I don’t think it’s gonna be fun for anyone; he just has to ride the wave of hate. Like Ethan expressed, I think Jeff can come out on the other side of this and I really am rooting for him

As for Jeff seemingly protecting people I really don’t know what to think. I was talking to my friend about it and I think I truly don’t understand his position. Because I said to my friend is you pulled some BS ima call you out. Doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore. However, I would never have to publicly call out my friend for 100,000s of people to hear/see. And maybe people would argue Jeff choose that life by being “an influencer” but I’m not gonna act like I completely understand what position he is in.

Todd and David not speaking out this and frankly anyone else who was there but obviously some people are involved then other is just disrespectful. I haven’t read the article since it came out so I also really can’t remember but I think asking them for apology and them not even acknowledging the situation? Not okay

And again I will repeat if there is a reason your not commenting on it now; say that.

And l am def skipping around but I am glad Jeff went on the podcast. I don’t know if Jeff was watching the whole stream but the things they were saying, whether you agree with them or not, they were tearing him apart and frankly I was like holy shit and the fact that he was still willing to go on after all it says something about his character that he willing to be criticized and actually listen to it and hopefully he will take away some of the points they made to him.

I know it’s not time to be jovial but what fucking time line did we land ourselves in where Jeff and Trisha had a mostly civil conversation over zoom ? Never thought I would see the day.

Dom deserves jail.

I been trying so hard to form my opinion about all this from the day the article came out until now, but I really can’t. My brain is all over the place

And I’m not ready to stop supporting Jeff. I don’t think I will be posting on here like the way I was before for a bit, but at the end of the day I really do have so much love for him. I just want to see him learn and grow from this and I really think he can.

Thank you anon 💕 right back at you or anyone else reading this: you are not obligated to stay here or read these things if they are making you feel some type of way. Besides the fact I had exams, I was truly upset by all this and being on here or any other social media platform would have made it worst.

Wishing the best to you anon :) I hope you are having a great end of the weekend

[purplesurveys]

1149

A

What is your age? 22, but there’s less than a month to go before I turn 23.

What annoys you? Literally every single person who still supports the government at this point. For context, we are back to square one and we’re under the exact same quarantine imposed in March 2020 because of the surge in cases. Nothing has changed and nothing has been done in the last 365 days while people are getting hungrier and poorer. I’m done feeling hopeful for this country and I cannot wait to abandon it forever.

Do you have any allergies? Apparently, grass. Can’t be exposed to it for too long otherwise the skin on my thighs turn red and occasionally even get rashes.

B

Do you know anyone named Billy? Kind of, but they’re girls with their name spelled as Billie.

When is your birthday? April 21st and spending it in quarantine once again this year...

Who is your best friend(s)? Angela and Andi.

C

What's your favorite candy? I like gummy bears and worms. As for sweets, I really like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Butterfinger, Twix, and the Hershey’s Cookies and Creme bar.

When was the last time you cried? Maybe a day or two ago while watching a snippet from Caught in Providence.

Have you been out of the country? Yes.

D

Do you daydream? Not so much these days. I’ve been better at keeping my focus at work.

What's your favorite kind of dog? I love alllllll dogs, but I’d usually be wary of smaller dogs because 87% of the times I’ve met some, they’re aggressive or a bit moody. I don’t like stereotyping dogs as much as possible but because I’ve had direct experiences to back it up anyway, *shrug*

What day of the week is it? It’s a Sunday.

E

How do you like your eggs? Scrambled, poached, or an omelette with lots of fillings. Balut is also great.

Have you ever been in the emergency room? Only when I was born, I’m guessing.

What's the easiest thing ever to do? Idk, what comes easy to me might not be the same for others. But my answer would be to smile, regardless if it were genuine or otherwise.

F

Have you ever flown in a plane? Yeah, many times. The child-like excitement I get whenever I get on one will probably never go away, either.

Do you use fly swatters? No, my mom usually uses old shoebox covers or rolled-up scratch papers we have lying around to swat them.

Have you ever used a foghorn?: Only in video games lol, never in real life.

G

Have you pet a goat? I don’t think I have. I’ve pet lots of animals before but I don’t think a goat has been one of them yet.

Are you a giver or a taker? Giver, but I’ve been allowing myself to take more these days.

Do you like gummy candies? Love them.

H

How are you? We’ve entered summer weather now, so I feel hot and miserable. It’s also Sunday and I am stuck at home, which doesn’t make me the happiest camper.

What's your height? 5′1″ or a tiny tiny tiny bit taller than that.

What color is your hair? It’s black but on extremely rare occasions I’ll catch a single light brown strand when I play with my hair.

I

What's your favorite ice cream? Cookies and cream and chocolate chip cookie dough. My friend Leigh actually started her own ice cream shop recently and I bought her coffee crumble ice cream, and it is sooooooooo fuckinggggggggg good??????? It’s so rare to find coffee ice cream where I live period, so I’m fucking stoked to have a close friend who makes literally the best one and in generous servings too.

Have you ever ice skated? Many times as a kid. I was never formally trained, but it was something I wanted to try from watching other kids play in mall ice skating rinks; and when I did give it a shot, I ended up enjoying it. Luckily my mom was encouraging and actually frequently dropped me off at a rink so I can practice gliding and all for a few hours while she ran errands.

Have you cheated the IRS? That’s like an American tax thingy, right? We don’t have that here and my employer handles my TIN.

J

What's your favorite jelly bean? Not a big fan but if I had to have Jelly Belly, I obviously would want to get the pleasant-tasting ones.

Do you tell jokes? Yes.

Do you wear nice jewelry? Only on special occasions.

K

Do you want to kill anybody? I don’t want to kill anybody but I certainly wish a good number of public officials would finally die.

Do you want to have kids? Yes. I really wish I could still have a future with them. Thanks for the trauma, my real asshole of an ex.

Where did you have kindergarten? Somewhere.

L

Are you laidback? I doubt my friends would use this to describe me. I for sure lean more towards the uptight side of the spectrum.

Do you lie? Eh, occasionally.

When is the last time you sent a hand-written letter? I have no idea. Christmas 2019 maybe?

M

Ever talked in a microphone? Sure. Many times.

Do you still watch Disney Movies? I very rarely get in the mood for them if I’m by myself, but yes, I’d gladly sit down and watch should an opportunity come.

Do you like mangoes? No.

N

Do you have a nickname? 99% of people call me Robyn while my family calls me Byn, but there are a select few friends who’ve stayed long enough with me to catch other names I’ve gotten over the years, which have since become inside jokes/nicknames. There’s Reben and Rolayn, and literally just yesterday ‘Roby’ happened when I ordered food for lunch so that will probably catch on as well.

What’s your favorite number? 4.

Do you prefer night over day? Absolutely.

O

Are you an only child? No, I’m two siblings away from that status.

Do you wish this was over? I haven’t felt that way, no.

What is the closet orange object near you? An orange tumbler my Kuya gave me as a Christmas gift in 2019. There is also orange tape wrapped around the charger adaptor of my company laptop.

P

What one fear are you most paranoid about? Waking up in the middle of surgery and being unable to speak nor move.

Do you play any instruments? Nope.

Do you think you are pretty? Some days.

Q

Are you quick to judge people? No, unless they are already blatantly showing their character like being rude towards service staff, tossing their trash to the ground, or cutting in queues. Whenever those things happen I give myself the space and freedom to guiltlessly judge.

What do you keep quiet about? How dysfunctional my family really is, and the things I really want to say about Gabie.

Do you have any quirks? Food-wise, I like peeling off the breading from fried chicken and placing them on the side of my plate so I can eat them last, because they’re my favorite part.

R

What’s a good reason to cry? Frustration. Crying can be really helpful in lessening stress.

Do you think you're always right? No.

Do you watch reality TV? Not religiously, but I love watching snippets of reality shows on Facebook because they’re all so embarrassing and it’s hilarious to watch hahahahah. Literally last night I was watching clips of Big Ed on 90 Day Fiance.

S

Are you a social person? More so now than I was years ago.

What states have you lived in? I lived in Manila briefly but it didn’t take long till we transferred to another city for a more peaceful life in the suburbs.

What is your favorite season? I wanna say winter because of what I’ve seen from it in movies and shows, but I’ve never actually experienced it before.

T

When did you last sleep in a tent? Sometime in March or April last year.

Do you like tomatoes? Mostly in diced form. Tomato sauce is fine but I don’t really like it in my pasta. Bloody Mary also tastes rather awful.

What time did you wake up? 8:30 AM.

U

Do you have an umbrella in your car? I think so, yeah. I finally placed one in there lmao.

Do listen to Usher? Eh, not really. 2000s R&B isn’t my thing, save for Beyoncé.

Describe the underwear your wearing? It’s light blue.

V

What’s the worst veggie? I never learned to like pechay. I’d still eat it, but only because I like cleaning up my entire plate.

Do you like movies with violence? Some. Like I hate action movies but I enjoyed A Clockwork Orange and Scream lol.

Where do you want to go on vacation? I recently bookmarked an Airbnb in Zambales and the accommodation is basically this super cute line of tipi-styled huts by the beach. I'd love to have a solo trip push through once this Covid mess subsides.

W

Ever been on a wave runner? No.

Where do you work? I work in a PR company.

Do you wish on stars? Just sometimes.

X

Have you ever had an x-ray? Only for mandatory medical exams.

Do you own a xylophone? I think I had a toy one as a kid, but it’s not with me anymore.

Have you watched the x-games? No, not interested.

Y

What did you do yesterday? I stayed at home; ordered food for Angela as a surprise; debated if I should buy a pair of Air Maxes – and ultimately decided I’ve already spent too much this month to deserve a new pair of shows lol; and just settled to buy a new night lamp for my bedroom. I also watched the newest episode of 2 Days 1 Night and ate more of Leigh’s ice cream while doing work.

Do you like the color yellow? Only in mustard yellow. I also like the song Yellow, heh.

What year were you born?: 1998.

Z

Do you believe in the zodiac? No.

Has your bank account been at zero? No. I remember when I was first opening my own account at the bank and the clerk told me to make sure I don’t go below P2,000, and my intensely by-the-book ass has been following the rule ever since, even though my dad has told me it’s absolutely fine to go below it so long as I have P2,000 back in the account after a month hahaha.

Ever been to the zoo? A few.

[codenamesazanka]

Forgive this, but I gotta rant!

I don’t really like Deku! I feel his character has unutilized potential - or, rather, the character he is supposed to be isn’t the character he is. Of course, this is my opinion.

But yeah! I get it - he wants to be a Hero, he wants to ‘save people with a smile on his face’, but he’s quirkless. Still, supposedly he had this great determination and heroic qualities even before meeting All Might - his hero analyses, him applying to UA... which really means nothing. And that’s all he did.

Sure, he’s a kid, he’s 14, give him a break, but there was so much he could’ve done!!! Learn first aid(!), learn self defense, volunteer, community service, all that. He’s said to be smart, sure, but even better way to show this is to have him realized or had planned for his future Hero career by gaining supplement skills before he ever applied to UA. I really really wish we could’ve seen the UA kids learn first aid.

Biggest problem I have - though, granted, this is brought up in the story - is that everyone still thinks being a Hero is punching bad guys, when it should mean helping people. And yeah, it’s not just Deku, but he’s supposed to be so different All Might thought he should be his successor. The scene where he saves Bakugou, honestly he was also standing in the crowd hoping for a Hero to come - its only when he realizes it’s his friend, that he says his body moved in its own. Which, true, is brave; but him helping a unlucky rando without a second thought might have been better. Have him Good Samaritan the heck out of strangers.

It’s just, the story makes him out to be so kind and gentle and self-sacrificing, and yeah, I can see the times where those shine through; but I also am reminded of that time he heard Todoroki’s family life and decided the appropriate response is to focus on their upcoming match, and when he helps out Bakugou and Eri, it’s because it was relevant to him (recognizing Overhaul in the latter case). Sure, it’s just how stories and plot conveniences are - but there should be other times too for randos; just like two panels of it at the beginning of the chapter.

(Which is why I like the protag from Vigilante much better! In his spare him he just decides to pick up litter and help ppl in small ways, to destress! Yes! He missed his high school entrance exam saving a stranger from drowning! He’s got his flaws, he’s not pure heroic either, but he’s much more aware of his to help people than Deku)

The base for his character was Jack Midoriya from the oneshot My Hero; but Jack fitted well for his story. Iirc, He didn’t want to be the greatest hero ever, he didn’t even really wanted to save everyone really - he just wanted to be a ‘hero’ and help out. At least that’s more honest. He couldn’t be a hero tho, but he showed initiative in trying to get as close as he could to it - working for a support item company to get his hands in support items to be a hero with, going vigilante. But transplant that character to BnHA then try to say Deku is selfless and kind and determined from the get go is a bit of a mistake.

He’s also really not that smart. You know who’s really smart? Shigaraki Tomura!!! Hero analyses, sure, but besides brief tactical brains when relevant to plot, most of his fights is just punching. IIRC.

And why did he care so much about Kouta not liking Heroes? Leave the kid alone, let him hate cops if he wants

*

(Another pet peeve - the fandom’s focus on his quirklessness and how he meant he suffered great discrimination. He was obviously bullied for it, and I don’t doubt there is discrimination for quirkless people - but I don’t think it’s as bad as others make it out to be. I’m ready to eat my words, but I just don’t feel the story supports this - but again, it could be fault of the creator for now showing.

Like, just looking at him doesn’t tell you he’s quirkless. There’s no visible marker of it. He’s not gonna be called a ‘mutt’ or ‘dumb lizard man’ at first glance. Appearance-wise, he’s still the ‘norm’ in the universe - no appendages, no physical transformation.

Besides that, there a lot of people with ‘useless quirks’ - quirks that don’t do much at all, factor very little into their everyday life or skills. This is a superpowered society, sure, but it’s one where people are forbidden to use quirks unless licensed and where you still need boring old accountants and taxi drivers and real estate agents and busboys. These jobs don’t require quirks.

Instead, often we see it’s that people with the more ‘unheroic’ quirks that gets the short end of the stick. Mutant discrimination, quirks that can easily harm people if not very careful, quirks that violate human taboos (like blood drinking). I think, yeah, there is a hierarchy of valuing people for their quirks, definitely, but it’s not a clear hierarchy with quirkless people at the bottom. I do wish we see more quirkless people doing stuff!! But honestly I think there’s very little difference between someone quirkless and someone who has ‘bendy fingers’ (David Shield) for a quirk.)

*

Moreover - tho this is more the fault of the author I guess? - is that only according to genre and story conventions do we know Deku and Shigaraki will duke it out, or otherwise confront each other. There’s very very little interaction between the two beyond their actions effecting each other (and not on purpose, it just so happens because they’re on hero and villain sides). Their goals don’t even factor each other in beyond the vague

There’s still ample time for Deku to find out more about Shigaraki but the idea of Deku extending a hand to help Shigaraki is kinda laughable right now. Honestly Bakugou and Shigaraki had better connection and potential; for one, one of Shigaraki’s schemes was all to capture Bakugou and recruit him; for another, Bakugou learning that being a Hero isn’t punching out bad guys and having to save people’s hearts is an actual, interesting storyline that develops both characters, IMO.

All Might reaching out to Shigaraki and redeeming/ trying to redeem him? I’ll accept because I love whacked up Shimura family drama! The connection between the two, AFO’s meddling with them both, all that buried history and mystery to uncover, all those emotions of hatred and guilt, and the emotional consequences of Shigaraki getting incarcerated or executed for his crimes and All Might willing to try his hardest to prevent that / soften that for him, which contradicts his supposedly heroic and impartial justice law-abiding gimmick; and the fate of the story and effects on society resting absurdly on how their relationship turns out, bringing up questions about sacrifice and familial duty and justice - yes, absolutely!!!

Deku saving Shigaraki? :/ nothing to back that for now, still.

Petty, but it’s partly why I don’t wanna see allying-with-the-heroes-type-redemption for Shigaraki if it means Deku helping him lmao. Anyone else who’s relevant, sure! Fucking Gran Torino could work.

[lunebinnie]

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… ���

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

[issasideblog]

Introduction!

Well, um hello lolol~

How’s it hanging?

This is my first post on this blog, I’m not even sure if I’m going to post anything, but I guess it’s a good place to post my feelings and other things.

I have no idea how to start this, so I guess I’ll just link this post on my other blog, it’ll give a shorter explanation of what’s happening right now heh.

Okay, so hopefully you’ve read that if anyone does read this, or if future me reads this then hello, hope you’re Gucci now~!

Like I said in that post, I’ve been feeling quite down recently.

I’ve always been like this, but recently it’s gotten worse and I’m not entirely sure why, the only reason I can think is that I’m changing medication.

But it doesn’t really explain why I’m constantly sad, or empty/numb

Don’t get me wrong, I do feel happy sometimes, but not a lot.

I don’t have many friends, but I don’t mind to be honest.

I’ve always struggled with friends, this is apparently because I have Autism (there’s that too lolol~), so I’ve never really had friends for a long time.

But, I have one close friend (my best friend) the others are just people I hang out with at school, since I don’t really leave my house. 

I don’t really like the others too much, I know that sounds mean. But I’ve always struggled with attachment.

I don’t get attached easily, especially after I found out that they were talking about me behind my back.

Every single friendship I’ve ever had has ended like that, so I kind of don’t trust many people.

I said above that I rarely leave my house, this is for many reasons I guess.

1. I’m scared of people.

That sounds kind of weird in a way if you don’t understand.

I hate meeting new people, and being around other people makes me incredibly nervous, but I don’t really show it.

I can’t make eye contact with people (another thing to do with my autism heh)

2. It triggers my OCD

This also sounds kind of weird, but I’ll explain.

I have really bad OCD (Which could also be part of my autism apparently) but I hate being touched, and as soon as someone touches me I feel contaminated and have to wash.

I can’t sit in any place, beside my bed without feeling dirty and having to wash.

Nobody can sit on my bed, or I have to change my bedding.

If I don’t shower I feel disgusting but sometimes I have no motivation to shower which makes me feel even worse.

3. I’m paranoid

I constantly feel like I’m being watched, no matter what I’m doing. I could just be sat in my room (like I am right now) and feel like I’m being watched. It stops me doing certain things (like exercising) and I have to change really fast.

Being outside triggers this even more, I feel like everyone is watching me and judging me, or that I’m being followed.

To be honest, I just prefer being inside. I feel safer I suppose, but not entirely safe.

My school life is even worse.

My grades are terrible, so is my attendance.

I struggle to get out of bed on a morning, because I’m exhausted, I have no motivation and I honestly don’t see the point, I feel like I’m not going to live long enough anyway. 

That sounds like I’m going to kill myself, but I wouldn’t because it would hurt people I care about, I guess.

I find it hard to believe people care about me, but I don’t want to risk them being hurt.

But, I’m very clumsy and kind of self-destructive. I don’t really look after myself, and often miss meals and don’t eat or drink for ages.

~

Recently, I’ve started sleeping in school.

I’ll just be listening to the teacher talk and lose focus and just fall asleep.

I fell asleep in my exams, which I failed.

That made me sad, but no one knew heh, people that knew got mad/judged me heh.

I literally have no energy, so I try sleep whenever I can.

Min Yoongi who?

~

I have no motivation to try in school, even though I want to.

I haven’t done homework in three years, nor have I tried hard.

I don’t have good relationships with teachers because of this. They hate me heh.

I sometimes skip lessons, which makes them hate me even more.

My maths teacher now despises me because me and my friend didn’t go to her lesson and gave us a detention (which I couldn’t go to because I wasn’t at school because I was too depressed heh, but my friend did so she doesn’t hate her). But another girl skipped the lesson and didn’t get into trouble which I found rude.

Now my maths teacher treats me like crap and will pick on me any chance she gets which makes me feel like crap and stops me going to her lesson.

I’ve nearly been expelled three times, which was a rollercoaster lmao.

But the latest was last year:

Like I said in my other post, I have Bipolar disorder, which gives me severe mood swings.

During this incident, I was in a manic state, I literally couldn’t control myself it’s kind of like being drunk in a way?

Anyway, me and this teacher were messing around in maths and he said something that I can’t remember and my manic self (please remember I had no control over this, I couldn’t control myself) said

‘Screw you too’

I don’t even know what happened, but he got pissed and yelled at me.

Then sent me out.

A while later, my best friend brought my bag out and I got sent to the deputy head (I think that’s who he is I honestly have no idea lmao).

I later found out she brought my bag out because my actual maths teacher (not the one that sent me out) said if she brought me it, I’d accuse her of doing something to it.

Probably not wrong tbh

Yeah, so I got sent to the maybe deputy head, I don’t know guy for the rest of the lesson (it was my last period, so I could go home straight after). He made me, my best friend and our ex best friend stay behind, except my ex best friend ran off.

We both had to give a statement of what happened????

(This is kind of turning into me talking shit about my school whoops)

But then yeah, my best friend said she didn’t want to do it in case they lied against us, but she was forced to.

THEY DID LIE AGAINST US IT WAS RIDICULOUS.

Around this time, I was being forced to stay behind because I was missing school.

Apparently, it was to ‘catch up’ but I didn’t do anything besides sit there???

So, it was basically a detention, even though my reason for missing school was my mental illness.

Anyway, I was forced to write an apology letter to both teachers, even though I didn’t do anything to one of them?

The whole screw you was literally a joke??? I thought we were messing around which we were.

Anyway yeah, they refused to let me leave until I did it.

(I couldn’t get out without them letting me)

I can’t remember what I wrote but my head teacher had to help me because I refused to write it, because in my mind (and many others) I didn’t do anything wrong, I couldn’t help my actions and they knew it.

But yeah, I was forced to do this, and went home crying.

My parents were pissed.

I’m pretty sure they called the school and told them to retract the apology or something. I don’t wanna ask now lmfao.

So, them both the maths teacher and the other one that I said it to (he’s now my physics teacher and is nice to me??? but it’s gucci) hated me and so I stopped showing up to that lesson, and form (she was my form tutor)

EVERY MATHS TEACHER I’VE HAD IN SECONDARY HAS HATED ME WTH WHY AM I SO UNLIKABLE???

~

Anyway, my school didn’t believe me when my parents told them I had bipolar disorder.

The school phoned my doctor without us knowing, and asked if I actually had it.

My doctor phoned my parents because it’s confidential and they needed permission, which we gave.

But yeah there’s that too.

I have so many bad incidents in school what even

~

Because of my disorder and other shizzle, I have a lot of appointments, I miss a lot of school.

At one point my teacher (the physics/screw you guy. Why is he always in this? He’s nice now but still) told me I should cancel them.

I can be really suicidal and put myself and others in danger do you really want that, buddy?

But now, they’re demanding all letters of my appointments, but it’s confidential????

Like uh no go away, my mental illness don’t get your own they suck.

~

My PE teacher (I am so tempted to give her name because I really don’t like her but I’m not actual that mean, she also might see this and sue me lolol)  is one of the worse for dealing with my illness tbh, despite the fact her brother killed himself.

This next part is probably gonna sound really attention seeky but meh, I’m just going to be honest here, because honesty is the best policy.

She treats everyone else really nice (except a recent incident with my best friend) but it comes to me and she’s horrible.

She ignores it, and/or blames it on me (this is another thing entirely ugh).

One time I was really depressed in physics (ITS THE SCREW YOU TEACHER AGAIN FGS LMAO) and he was like ‘I’ll email pe teacher and tell her’ but instead of telling her I was sad, he said I refused to work????

I was sat in the changing rooms, basically crying and she comes in and yells at me for not doing pe.

(side note: I don’t do PE because of my paranoia, insecurity and OCD heh)

I haven’t done pe in three years wth you know this???

Then she goes

“Do you want to talk about it? Never mind you never do.” and walks out.

I don’t like talking to others about my feelings, because in my mind they don’t care and I’m just a bother to them.

~

In year seven, I was forced to go to the school councillor.

She brought another girl (who for the record, is horrible and I really don’t like her).

She then started talking about my bipolar and saying stuff meaning the horrible girl knew all aboout my private stuff.

The councillor then went on to say my disorder is my own fault????

Apparently, I was just hanging around with the wrong people and not having enough confidence??

No, I have a mental illness, I can’t prevent it.

~

Trigger warning: self-harm

A few years ago, I used to cut myself (I don’t anymore) and my teacher was trying to force me to take my jumper off, and at some point, I got in trouble for cutting myself h e c c.

~

A few weeks ago, I told my teacher about how I was struggling with body issues and starving myself. She asked me how I was once but did nothing else.

If it wasn’t for my friend and parents realising I could have starved myself to death, and she would have watched it happen.

I even wrote a song about it recently and it was obvious it was about me, but my teacher read it (it was for an assessment) and said nothing.

~

Alas I cannot think of any more incidents at school, there are literally too many.

Ever since an early age, I’ve struggled with sleep.

I can go days without sleeping or sleep all day.

This sometimes actually depends on my bipolar.

If I’m manic, I can stay up for days, if I’m depressed I can and most likely will, sleep for days.

I also have something called delayed sleep phase syndrome (Jesus I have a lot of problems)

So, my sleeping schedule is messy.

It’s literally 7:30am and I haven’t slept even though I’m exhausted.

My whole life I’ve had low self-esteem.

I hate everything about myself.

This could be because I’ve been bullied my whole life.

One of my biggest issues is with my weight (You can probably tell where this is going so trigger warning)

I’ve always gone through phases of not eating for days, or rarely eating but recently has been the worse it’s ever been.

I was barely eating, I’d go days without eating, sometimes I would force myself to throw up.

I was constantly over exercising and sometimes I would lose all energy and I’d just collapse to the floor and couldn’t get up, but I’d still push myself.

I lost all my energy, which led to me sleeping at school, as you read above.

I even nearly fell asleep while walking home once.

I told my teacher this too once, not the whole thing, just that I was insecure and wasn’t really eating (like you read above) and she didn’t do anything.

Like I said, I have low self-esteem so I rarely like myself.

I constantly think my friends hate me, this is also because almost everyone prefers my best friend to me and leave me for her.

I think I’m unlikable, and honestly, I’m sure it’s true, no matter what others say.

No matter how many compliments and things I get, I never believe it, they just make me think I’m being pranked and people are laughing at my reactions.

I also get intrusive thoughts sometimes.

I’ll just be doing something and thoughts about me being worthless and other things like that will bombard my mind, or I will get thoughts about killing myself or killing others and I can’t stop it.

It’s just something that happens to me now, to the point it rarely bothers me.

I sometimes, not often, hear things and hallucinate.

This is rare though but has been happening more and more often recently.

They’re usually voices telling me my friends don’t like me, I’m worthless, stupid, they insult me and things like that. They also just repeat things I’ve heard during the day really loudly.

I’ve never really told anyone this.

I sometimes see flashes of faces and people in my sight, I’m not sure if that’s hallucinations but yeah.

Above I said that I’ve always had bad friends, besides now.

One of my worst was being bullied constantly, I don’t even know why I tried being their friends, I was very naive.

One of them still hates me rip.

He’s dangerous now so you know, kind of paranoid.

Another friendship was when one girl’s mother was a drug dealer and they all tried pressuring me into doing drugs and smoking with them.

I never did, I just came up with a lie it wasn’t hard to be honest.

They probably knew but who cares?

Earlier on I said I have paranoia (if it can be called that).

But yeah, I feel like I’m being watched all the time, no matter what I’m doing.

I’m not sure who, but I just feel like someone out there is watching me either through my window (so I always have my curtains closed), through my camera (so I always have them covered) or through a hidden camera in my room which I can’t do anything about.

I once hid under my covers because it got too much, but the feeling was still there.

I’m suddenly exhausted.

My mind has gone blank, but I’ll try post more I guess, if I remember, or have something to write about.

Thank you for reading!

I hope you have a good day/night! ^-^ <3

 I’ve probably made loads of mistakes here because I suck hEH SORRY

[springleaves]

HELLO IM ALIVE jk im not really 

its been like.. two weeks i guess??? idk i dont remember the last time i posted hahahah oops

school has been sucking the life out of me and its really just... not good,,

right ok i got a lot of explaining to do and this is gonna be v long but you know what i’ll put a tl;dr at the end if you'd rather not read long walls of text 

yes i am well aware i posted something along the sort of this back in january however, im reiterating some points from back then as well as having to revise some points and explain a couple of things so here we go (under the cut)

i currently have two weeks of easter break (thank jesus) but i will be studying pretty hardcore from here on out because my exams start very soon :/ and i cant afford to slack on these exams because they’re basically going to decide my future lmao

i apologise for the lack of posts and art or whatever you could possibly follow me for in which case idk what,, but thats gonna keep going till the end of exams aka end of june. in which case after that you’re gonna see so much of me you’ll probably get sick of me ;’) this summer will be when i really try to step up my art game and all that jazz, like starting to draw other kpop groups i stan, potentially open an online shop for kpop fanart merch, whatever compels me at that point, either way, i will be much more active during summer, providing that my current art state is over (ill explain this next)

another important point to make is that i have really tried to keep up with these birthday gifts but it consumes so much more time than i originally anticipated that it would and im struggling to keep up with the dates along with my school work. i sincerely apologise to everyone and for the upcoming birthdays for my lateness. part of this is also because im currently in an art slump, where i fail to draw almost anything to the point where i cant even doodle at school. arguably this happens all the time during this time of year (final stretch before exams and the like) so i should have expected it, however i do with for people to bear with me. i will try to complete all late birthday gifts asap, and hopefully complete a bunch in advance for posting after the school term restarts but i cannot promise anything, i hope you can all understand

regarding requests and to any who were possibly interested; during the times i was still posting somewhat frequently, i was planning to open them this easter break. however after going through the last two weeks without having an ounce of time to draw let alone motivation, i dont think i;ll be doing that. (i do still have one request to do that i’ve struggled on for a long time so thats another thing) again, i apologise to people who were interested in requests. i can assure you that after everything is finished and summer break is here they will be open again, however it is very likely that i may start doing commissions (aka you pay a set fee for art) alongside it thus requests may be of limited slots of something of the sort, but i will definitely continue doing requests no matter what even if they’re temporarily closed.

final point: holy fCUK ive missed you guys but yeah if you’ve read all of that thank you i love you ♡

tl;dr:

was inactive for past two weeks bc of school, gonna be inactive till end of june or so

literally cant draw for shit right now because of art slump and focus on exams/studying

you’re gonna get sick of me in the summer

i will try to continue posting birthday gifts but absolutely no promises

requests wont be open until the summer where i also wish to open an online shop + start commissions

i still love you guys

[cupsofintea]

Just checking in

Haven't posted anything in ages, just thought I'd break the streak right now lool I knew I wouldn't be rajin to update my own blog, left that profession back in primary school. But must make it a point to update this thing every time it crosses my mind! It's been a month since I've been in Malaysia for summer hols. June was pretty hectic because of Raya, so it's been mostly open houses here and there, catching up with friends and family. So, that's over. July came about a week ago, and it was just last night I had my first emotional breakdown, because of teh feelings of uncertain-ness of my future. Lately (for like the past year) I've always been putting the thoughts of my future on hold and just focus on the present, study je dulu bla bla. But honestly a big factor of me suddenly reevaluating what I actually want to do at the end of the day is just seeing most of my peers doing something useful with themselves this holiday; interning/attachments at companies which exposes them to the life of their future career or whatever. Even if you're just needed to staple documents or make coffee for your bosses, it beats becoming a couch bum at home, doing nothing that you can add on your CV. But I shouldn't be so hard on myself I guess, because I'm only in my first year. Speaking of first year, my results are coming out in 2 days. I know it's going to be bad. I really could have done better. Honestly, my first year hasn't felt like I was doing a degree. Like I wasn't busting my ass enough to even deserve to complain. It felt like a holiday with episodes of stress from teaching myself most of the course when it comes to exams, even doing so at the last minute. It's been a whirlwind of feeling socially anxious, scared that I don't make enough friends that I'm supposed to, to feel secure. But that all panned out okay, I guess I've found good friends in my first year. I still need to try expand my social circle in my course, though. It's crazy to think the reason I'm friends with these two girls from my course is 'cause at the time I was still on my extrovert mood for the first couple of weeks in uni, so I was forcing myself to talk to yknow people in my course (which are mostly whites) but the only one that evolved into becoming a friend was this black girl I talked to (which at first seemed really sombong) but turns out yknow we're both just first years wanting someone to approach us first. I'm glad I was that person for her :) And then I got to know my other only friend in my course through her. So yeah those are my only two friends in Physics! Sounds damn sad lmao. I did make a few acquaintances though but I just need to stop being scared of making it anymore than it is. Anyway, I really hope I don't have to repeat a paper besides the one I have to next month. I'm freaking out for Maths because I hardly sent in coursework and never went for workshops but it counts quite alot for my final grade.. I'm so so stupid. I promise never again in second year. Really hope I can even proceed onto second year. Yeah, it has come to that. I hate it when people ask 'so what are you doing cuti ni?' because I am literally not the person to be asked that question. Especially when it comes from adults. I sound pretty useless when I answer 'just going with the flow' lmfao but nah they'll forget about it the next minute so it's all good. My life, not yours!!! But seriously speaking, I'm just gonna be here and there for the next 2 and a half months here. Exercise a little, play some sports, dance a little (I went for two dance classes but idk if I'll go for another anytime soon), I went hiking with my friends (that was fun! wanna go hiking a few more times), eat alot, I have already tried out all the boba milk(s) that is currently of the hype rn in this damn country haha, oh yeah study for my repeat paper lol, spend time with loved ones, spend time with Adam because LDR for a long time again after this :(, and yknow a bunch of other stuff. Don't worry uncles and aunties, just because I'm not doing an internship this summer, doens't mean I'm doing "NOTHING" for 3 months, okay? ;) Guess that's all for now. Til next time~

[daniedoodles]

Danie’s Dilemmas Ep. 26: Books Closed

Today of all days, I’ll Always Remember You by Hannah Montana could not be taken more seriously. It’s the last day of senior year. In spite of how much I anticipated to cry on this day, I actually didn’t, possibly because I’ve thought about it so often for the last two months (or maybe it’s because my last diploma isn’t until this Thursday so really, everyone’s last day is slightly different). I have so much to say, but none all at once. This has been said time and time again, but I feel like for most of high school, we had the tendency to take it for granted; we all wanted to drop out or give up at some point because it just felt like there was nothing about our experiences that implied that eventually, it would get better. All those times complaining about homework or cramming for exams... except now that it’s over, we can’t help but focus on the good parts about it that have also come to an end, most of which were moments spent with friends doing dumb shit lmao. 2019 so far has proven to be one of the most bizarre years thus far. I’ve spent time with people that I never thought I would get the chance to, endured the most UNserious exam season, and now, the most UNserious last day of school. Since I was not remotely prepared to face the last day in terms of taking the opportunity to formally thank all of the people that made high school as fun as it has been, I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone and mention them on this episode :) And yes, I will be mentioning names. We’re NOT in high school anymore so there’s no need to play guessing games. 

Vicky: I never know how to start these things without making it sound cringey or sappy, but bitch we have been THROUGH it. Regardless of how we’ve managed to not get into a single class together throughout the entire three years we’ve spent in high school, we somehow managed to stay hella close which you should know by now, I am incredibly grateful for. I haven’t exactly been as active with the group, but that’s only because I know we have all of summer ahead of us to make up for it. Just know that I’m always going to be here to be the voice of reason, but also your partner in crime. We’ve laughed too loud and cried too hard over the dumbest shit, taken bomb ass photos and eaten too much food. I’m so excited for what other dumb shit we can do together. When you’re out on your own adventures, pls text me so I know you’re not dead. I love you, my favourite rat. OwO

Alex: Whew, sis. We came together on the oddest terms, talking about failed love interests and all that bs, but aren’t you glad that it happened? Otherwise, we wouldn’t have had that deep talk at the ridge, wouldn’t have realized how similar we were in terms of how bad we are with gaining closure lmao. I’ve never felt more comfortable to cry as hard as I have about the death of a fictional character as I have been with you, and that speaks volumes because I hate crying in front of other people. Last summer was by far one of the best summers I have ever experienced and I’m grateful to have spent a majority of it with you. Thanks for saving my ass when I snuck out of the house that one time and for staying up and feeding me after I got back from being out until 3am. Now that school’s out, let’s get on that mf tanning grinddddddd. ily bitch. I swear, I feel like I have I lot more to say for you but right now I’m coming up blank. But I feel like you already know what else there is that I have to say... if not, I’m saving it for your birthday (hurry up and be 18 already goddamn). 

Laureen: Laureen you already know we’re on the same wavelength lmao. Even though I feel like I see you the least of all in the group, it’s comforting to know that it doesn’t lessen the integrity (sorry to give u ptsd from the diploma) of our friendship. Being born on days that are so close together really be hitting us different. I swear, there have been so many times where we’re just thinking about the exact same thing, which is both cool and creepy. LIKE OUR GOD TALKS OMF. Seeing that we’re both the moms of the group, we gotta stick together to take care of our crackhead children. But fr, I trust you with everything. My future children, my own life, my phone, my butler ;) How are you not my emergency contact, honestly? We need to have a car talk and see what comes out of that. There is so much more I have to fill you in on. (also don’t forget about clubbing next Thursday eeooow). 

Joscelynn: Let me tell you, Joscelynn, how big of a blessing it is to have you live so close to me. Out of everything that you’ve done for me, I think the one I’m most grateful for is for the time that you “broke” into my house to check if I unplugged my straightener LMAOO... or that time when you just hugged me while I was breaking down in the washroom at the end of the day where I had a test for all four periods. As much as I don’t know who most of your tea is about, it’s nice to know that you’re comfortable to confide in me and the whole group about all kinds of things, even when we don’t ask for the kind of detail you provide HAHAHAHA. Also, thanks for always coming in clutch with all the board games. Much love, Pennywise. <3

Diane: I know we sort of hit a wall with our friendship at one point, but I’m really happy that we were still able to recover from it and rekindle our friendship. I understand that the circumstance is all different now, and we aren’t as attached to one another as we once were back in junior high, but I think there’s some good in that because we were able to grow at our own pace. Although we have to admit that we did grow a little bit apart as well in the process, I like that we are both still able to reminisce fondly on the moments we’ve shared in the past. You’re one of the brightest minds I know :). I feel like I never told you enough but I always appreciated how easily you could bring a smile to people’s faces. Yeah, keep doing it. If you ever need to vent, I’m only a 4-minute scooter ride away. 

Anna: Holy shit sis, idek where to begin. You’re by far the biggest reason why I was able to haul my ass through to the end of high school. If you didn’t look out for my water intake, or the little errors in my calculations... I don’t even want to imagine it. You’ve done so much for me and have had to endure all of my shit that I can’t encapsulate it all into a single letter. I can’t thank you enough for all the memes that have made me piss myself on countless occasions, no matter how old they were nor how often I would look back on it, for recommending me to the program that will finally release me from the constraints of the status of being a “broke ass bitch”, for staying up with me discussing all kinds of things from the environment and ethics, to fortunes, astrology, love, and TEA. We’ve both seen each other at our most vulnerable and beaten down state (which is literally every English class), and we’ve celebrated each other’s triumphs, but most importantly, laughed at our failures (English, again omg). I can’t help but get emotional whenever I think of how you’re gonna be leaving soon for UBC, but it’s not like that’s going to affect how often we keep in touch anyways lol. We can’t just have the kettle always overflow, you know? Fr tho, I’m big fucking sad about you leaving, but I’m also so proud of how far you’ve come. I really don’t know how tf I’m supposed to be able to cope with suddenly not seeing you everyday. Ugh, ew I’m crying now but as I was saying, thank you for everything. I can’t wait to get those dream recorders out on the market after we’ve gathered all the knowledge on neuro/psych and business so we don’t have to wake up in the middle of the night and write out the dreams in our notes anymore. I’ll miss you a fuck ton ON GOD. 

Cheyenne: Cheyenne!! I’m so glad I met you and Anna when I did :)) we made the best chemistry lab group, we basically made titration our mf bitch. There was always so much comfort in knowing that we were all on the same page about not getting assignments done on time for English lmao. You just hear that sigh of absolute relief. I’m happy to have become close enough with you for you to be able to trust me with all the stuff you’ve spilt, and for reading your cards when you need them read. I can’t wait for all of us to actually do shit together this summer, I don’t even understand how we let the summers prior pass us like that. In all seriousness though, Cheyenne, you’re so kind and genuine, I’m glad we’ve gotten a lot closer this year. After summer, I guess I’ll be seeing you around campus!! 

Yuan: Bitch, hay nako. Where to start? I don’t think I’ve ever been quiet OR in a bad mood after hanging out with you. I’m glad that I was able to count on you to distract me from getting any work done in class and for getting photos of mee sleeping. Grabe, nakakabwiset HAHAHAHA. Actually though, I don’t think we’ve been close-close up until recently but I’m still so happy that we are now kasi ang saya mong kasama. Not a lot of people can convince me to speak Tagalog so already that says something. Basta, I’ll keep this short cause it’s not like we’re not seeing each other over the summer. We’ve got a lot of time to make more memories. Pwede nang uminom (thank God). Thanks for all the laughs, and for keeping up with the bullshit I write on this page lol. 

Joaquin: Hey, “best friend” wassup?? We haven’t been close for long either. In fact, we’ve barely just hit the 2-week mark of our friendship. But I will say that that was the most last minute transition from acquaintance - close friend. Even though we’ve been in at least one class together during each of the three years, we weren’t necessarily on active talking terms... until now. Thus far, every moment I’ve spent with you and Yuan, or just you, have all been for the books. I don’t think I’ve laughed as much as I had on that one day that we went to Southcentre. Already I can say that you’re one of the greatest people I know: generous, kindhearted, hilarious, and with a great taste in music. I’m excited for whatever it is that ends up happening in the summer, spontaneous or planned, I can’t wait. :D Ps. Thanks for getting me out of the house lol.

Jay: James, bruh. We haven’t been in touch lately, but I feel like you already know what’s coming to you, considering a majority of my indirects to you are basically just going to get reiterated right at this moment. Always know that I genuinely appreciate all of the deep talks we’ve had in the past and that you’re one of the few people I trust to openly express my thoughts to. I hope everything with tennis continues to go well, and that we get to catch up soon ‘cause lowkey it has been TOO long since we’ve last talked-talked.  

Maxine: Max, by the time you’re back on social media, you’re probably never gonna see this because it’s going to be buried so deep into my feed and I know that you’re too lazy to scroll that far down, but I’m gonna write it anyway. We’ve been friends for awhile now, and only now, in our second semester of senior year, did we manage to get into the same class ever since junior high, and it’s safe to say that there has never been a dull moment with you... to the point where I’m pretty sure we made the teacher hate us. I don’t know why you were so set on saying goodbye today when we literally live in the same community and have each other’s numbers, but aight lol. Max, you really be the OG out here. Every time we talk we can’t help but reminisce on how much we sucked ass at opening our own lockers in grade 7 and to this day it still cracks me tf up. Thank you for dealing w my bs after all this time, and for letting me stay at your place before and after school in junior high. ily  

Jerry and Cam: Y’all we go WAYYY back. Even though you guys didn’t attend school at bob, I still wanted to make a point of thanking the both of you for reconnecting. Plus, this is one of the few opportunities I have to acknowledge the support of my audience (LMFAO) so I thought “why not?”. We’ve only hung out once since February (or March? idek), but that’s definitely gotta change now that we’ve got a lot more free time. Y’all know where to find me when you need advice/opinions/someone to talk to when you’re bored/a tour guide to the boring south lmao (or maybe not that.. I lack street smarts). 

That’s it. I’m also probably going to email my teachers because I did not have the time nor the energy to do anything before the last day of school so that’s how they’re going to get it. Is this what it means to be eco-friendly?? Writing emails instead of actual handwritten cards??? I mean.. okay I guess. 

In conclusion, ending the senior year is bittersweet. If there’s anything I’ve learned from going through it all, it’s that you should get all your shit over with in your grade 10 and 11 years, so you’ll be cruisin by senior year. Also, don’t deprive yourself of hanging out with friends. That shit sucks ass and you’ll regret it a lot. 

ps. just because high school is ending, does NOT mean that this is the end of Danie’s Dilemmas. You really think the tea’s gonna stop there??

For now. 

Keep up. 

x

[vanessessity]

talking to my own reflection pt.2

Let me tell you, sophomore year was a whirlwind. First semester was probably the most disappointing thing I have ever experienced. I was pre-med, so hopeful, with my Biology and Society major and I felt like things were really going right for me. I wasn’t going to change my career and plus, my mom would be ecstatic to hear that her dream would finally come true. So, yea. I was gonna be a doctor. “Was”, that is. First semester ate me from the inside out and spit me back out. I had to take general chemistry, retake my other biology class that I almost failed, I was faced with narcissistic deans who told me “You can’t get into medical school with that GPA. You’ll never get in, are you serious?”, I went to the pre-med advisor twice a week like she was basically my therapist, I was at the highest stress I have ever been in my life. The chemistry exam averages were 30-40% and you’d celebrate if you were within standard deviation of a failing grade. I didn’t understand anything this school was doing. Grade inflation is always talked about, but I’ve always believed that grades don’t really matter (I know I freak out about my GPA, but thats only when I think about applying to graduate school-and I mean, I’m a well rounded student). But the fact is, okay- you’re getting an A. Sure, that’s awesome. Obviously. But what have you learned? If you’re celebration comes from just the fact that you got a 35%, it surfaces a bit of doubt about how the university-the system, I should say-evaluates their students. Basically, I just didn’t like doing it-I didn’t feel like it was right. Like it was moral, almost. Though I did work my ass off for that bio class and got a final grade of a B+, so that was cool. But there was class that really had an impact on me first semester.

Controversies about Inequality. I hadn’t even known I signed up for it. It was just on my schedule, so I gave myself a high-five because it sounded quite interesting and so I went. I started to learn that it was one of the most popular classes at Cornell and it was super hard to get into. I didn’t even know what department it was. Sociology? I haven’t even- I didn’t even know what the fuck that was. I knew Ms. Robinson taught it in high school, but what the hell. What was I doing in this class? The professor seemed cool and excited to teach, the syllabus was pretty interesting and I was curious. I guess that’s all it took, really. I started really getting into that class. I attended a lecture-I suppose my first of its kind-for extra credit and it was the best talk I have ever been to (’til this day). It changed my life-my whole perspective on what everything was about. It was about mass incarceration and wow, did it move me. I remember getting home at around 9 or 10pm and I went straight to the internet to do more research on this horrible, horrible injustice of the system and lo and behold, I found a paper my professor wrote. She was an expert on mass incarceration. That was her field. Not only that but how mass incarceration affects black boys in school. Listen, this night was a pivotal moment in space and time and everything between that for me. Immediately, I emailed her (which I do not, do not, do not do. But, I did) and I thanked her for the opportunity to attend and I told her that I was super interested in her research and she emailed me back saying to come into office hours. So, I did. And I literally fell in love. She was-sorry, is-one of the most passionate, caring, thoughtful, most insightful person I have ever talked to. She spoke to me about her research and I left her office in awe. Sociology was a whole other field I hadn’t discovered until now and I was flustered. I loved it, but I was flustered. Thought the coming months, sociology was like that spec on your glasses you always tried to rub off but it just wouldn’t budge. Everywhere I looked, it was there. It really made me think about things in ways that was similar to how I actually wanted to. There was no “I got a 30%. Nice”. There was no “I have to study my ass off and then some and get a C”. Everything was genuine. Haskins really didn’t care about grades either to be honest, she always said she wanted us to succeed and she gave extra credit opportunities every other week, to be honest. There was a time at the beginning of one lecture where the undergraduate advisor in the sociology department gave a speech on majoring in Sociology and it was there that everything came full circle. Once I had time, I went into Prof. Cornwell’s office and poured out my heart-“I want to be a pediatrician. Sociology is so cool, but I’m going to medical school and I don’t know what they’ll think. I really want to do this”. And she pushed me to think about what I wanted. So, from then on, I decided I would switch my major to Sociology. From that moment, I started thinking about why I was doing things rather than its contents. “I have to do this to get into med school.” “Does this meet my requirements for med school?” “Is med school really going to take me with my GPA? Was my faculty advisor right?” But, why did I care? Why did I want to be a doctor so much?

Winter break came and I dropped the whole pre-med fiasco. It was just a waste of my time. I told myself, maybe in the future but definitely not now. Especially not at this school- I won’t feel accomplished. Well, I was majoring in Sociology… then what? I had to rethink my whole career path from the very beginning and I really had to dig deep and ask myself tough questions. Why do I care about sociology? What is it about it and why is it so interesting to me? Then I thought, wait. I just started majoring in it because it was interesting to me. That’s all, it’s that simple. That’s when I knew there was a second piece missing from all this. I immediately knew where my heart was and all it took was some little tiny steps here and there. Talking to Haskins, exploring sociology, majoring in it. I knew there was something else I had to add. My once star-crossed field of study became my focus-psychology. Always, always, always have I been interested-more than anything-in the field of psychology. It all came back to psychology. Why was I studying Biology and Society? To learn more about the brain. I didn’t care about anything else, I thought to myself I just had to get through the easy classes and then I would be able to finally learn about the brain and its anatomy, its functions, its biological processes, how it works, how it perceives information, how humankind needs it. That’s where my true intentions laid. I always knew, but I just didn’t have the courage to tell myself that it was the right thing to do. It was too easy for me, I thought. I need something that is challenging. But listen, pre-med kind of wanted to make me jump off a building and may in the middle of the road. Yea, it was challenging but I also was not having a great time. And my girl told me something that I haven’t really thought about. Maybe psychology was so easy for me because I actually understood the material and I was actually interested in it and I wanted to learn more about it. I never really thought about it like that and she was right. Of course, as always.

Second semester was really when I hit it off. I changed my whole spring semester schedule and I was so fucking excited. No more hard sciences (even though I will indeed miss biology) and I was on my social science grind. This was really it for me, I thought. I found my true passion-oh gosh. I forgot to mention a big factor in me choosing [cont’d at the airport] psychology as a major. First semester, I got accepted into an integrative neuroethology lab as a research assistant. The name is kind of extra I’m not gonna lie, I just use it to sound kind of pretentious, but  [cont’d on airplane] I just research how developmental early experience manipulations affect later prosocial behavior. I really got into it, I really did. My graduate mentor is awesome and I love her very much; she’s like my idol and reminds me of myself at times. So I really got into research and went to lab meetings every friday at 8am. If that’s not commitment, I don’t know what is. First semester lab meetings consisted of reading a book and discussing a chapter each week and I really enjoyed it (cognitive dissonance? maybe). Second semester each graduate student a some undergraduate students gave presentations about their data and results. Doing research and all of those meetings and getting into the nitty-gritty, I think it’s what made me go from a stable pre-med to an on-the-fence pre-med to an unsure pre-grad-school. It definitely had a huge impact on me and I can’t believe I didn’t mention it above, but yeah. I love it. So, next semester (fall 2017) I plan on being in two- but we will see what happens with that whole situation. Anyways, second semester lmao.

I found my true passion. Psychology with a mix of Sociology and a sprinkle of Inequality Studies was and is exactly what I needed to satisfy my academic hunger. The professors actually care about their students learning, they’re always excited to teach, excited about learning with their students and growing, they put in effort and make sure we are doing the same. I love it. All very down-to-earth individuals. Second semester I really rocked it in terms of my grades and studying. I still worked my ass off, don’t get me wrong. It was just smoother and more… me. I’m really grateful I went through the realization that I had and that it happened at the perfect time. I’m really proud of myself. I really am. So, yea. That’s that regarding my career path and choosing my journey. I actually just found out a few hours ago that I got two A+s (even though they were in tagalog and lab but hey whatever), so it’s starting off pretty good. Scared for the rest to come, but it is what it is.

But in terms of my social life, it definitely has been a bit weird. I got closer and closer with *. * pops up here and there but not that often. That’s fine. But anyways, yeah. I don’t really mind. Also made a new close friend, *. He’s always great. He’s honestly the only one who I’ve really had a genuine connection with. Made friends with *, she’s nice. I have a class with her next semester so I hope we stay in touch. She’s very chill and down-to-earth. I mean I don’t know, I like keeping my circle really close so like I said, I don’t really mind. Time alone is completely fine as well cause it keeps me in check. I feel as though I’m pretty socially balanced right now but a few friends won’t hurt.

Let’s see what else… well, I mean theres my relationship and where do I start with that one? I fall more in love with that girl every waking moment and then some. She’s been so good to me and I really can’t ask for better because better doesn’t exist when I’m dating the love of my life. She makes me so happy and I am so excited to be seeing her in a few hours. OH. This summer! This summer I have the amazingly perfect opportunity with a human development lab up in NAU and guess who’ll be by my side!! I am super, super excited for that as well. It’s honestly the perfect lab for me, studying neurodevelopmental issues in children and how it affects learning and attention. It’s so fucking great, I am so excited to be on board for the summer. AND they’re taking me to my first conference. Honestly, it was so so perfect. I can’t believe everything worked out the way it did. God is real, believe #that. So, yeah. I’ll be spending the whole summer with my girl and it’ll be wonderful.

I’m really happy with my life right now. I feel like I can’t complain about anything, except I keep on losing weight so thats not good and my mom will hate me cause I’m gay, but thats usual. But other than that, I am living my almost ideal life. I really can’t wait for the future and I’m extremely grateful for the things that God has given me this past year. It has been a whirlwind and I’ve been loving every second of it. Until next year, then.

[purplesurveys]

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Do you prefer hardly toasted at all or burnt toast? Leaning towards burnt but not completely. What time do you have to be out of bed by on a typical day? I have morning classes throughout the week, so for this semester I have to get up byyy 7:30 to take a shower, then I start driving by 8 to get to my 9 AM class. Other sems were kinder and allowed me to sleep in. When was the last time you cleaned your bedroom? Last Tuesday. My dad’s coming home tomorrow so I threw out whatever I didn’t need anymore so he doesn’t get greeted by a messy bedroom. In real life do you laugh like 'haha,' 'hehe' or something else? I don’t take note of my laugh but I’m sure it sounds like a high-pitched haha. Do you know anyone who says things like 'lol' in real life? Yeah much of the crowd here pronounces ‘lol’ the way it’s spelled.

Do you have any unusual skills? I could but I don’t exactly know what counts as unusual lmao. Do you have any bug bites right now? No, I don’t get a lot of those. Is there anything annoying you at the moment? Mmm nope, I think I’m good. Who's your favourite person? My girlfriend.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? DOG. I can’t stand cats. Like I will defend cats and feed them and care for them, but I cannot stand their attitudes. Do you like to look at other peoples' houses? Tbh, yeah. They’re interesting to look at and it’s also a nice source of inspiration for when I’m thinking of how to style my own house in the future. Are there any chores you actually enjoy doing? No, unless I’m in a mental breakdown and want to focus on chores to feel better, in which case I like folding laundry. What's the weirdest compliment you've ever received? I don’t really store compliments in my memory haha so I’m all blanked out. Do you remember all those rhymes like 'i before e except after c?' I know that rule but we were never explicitly taught rhymes about it. When did you last have an 'Oh, I get it now!' moment? Maybe in the last week when I did my readings on WWII and the Cold War? I’m currently taking an international relations class and the readings for it have revealed more things about both of those wars than the total amount of things taught to me for 14 years in my last school. Would you say you're more witty or childish about jokes? I can be both. Do you get on with boys or girls better? Girls. I don’t understand guys; all of the ones I know are rowdy, pushy, and don’t shy around with inappropriate humor and my patience is too short for all three of these things. Do people often confide in you? Do you like it? Pretty often, seeing as people view me as the ‘mom’ in friend groups. I like it; it shows they trust me and that’s really the most rewarding thing. Who is someone you really admire? Probably one of my professors who taught me comm theory for one semester. Do you prefer piano or guitar music? Piano. I hate acoustic songs. Do you like helium balloons? Uhhhh sure? I don’t have much of an opinion on balloons. Have your parents ever suspected something untrue about you? YES and it drives me MAD. There was one time I must’ve stepped on a cigarette butt and it must’ve fallen out from the bottom of my shoe when I got in my car to drive. My dad cleans my car after a few days and lo and behold, he sees the cigarette butt and his mind immediately went to “Robyn smokes.” I got so mad and told him I was willing to let him smell me and my breath and whatever just to prove that I don’t smoke and have no plans to. He still brings it up every now and then and it’s so annoying. Fuck whoever threw that butt on the ground. Do you have any fears that seem weird to others? Watching commercials at night. No one knows about that fear of mine other than Gab precisely because people will find me weird and’ll interrogate me nonstop about it. Have you ever wished you'd been born someplace else? I think about that sometimes. What do you think about videogames? They’re cool, and video game developers deserve tons of respect. Are there any forms of Art you personally find pointless? No, art is a body of work and the moment an artist gives their work meaning, then it’s never pointless. What would you, or do you, study at college? I study journalism, I’m hating every second of it. Are you tired right now? I am, but I have an exam on Friday so I have to study thrice as intense as I already do. Have you ever had, or wanted, a pet ferret? No, I never wanted anything other than a dog. Is there anything you find undeserving of the hype it received? Lots of TV shows and movies. Do you think it's better to label yourself than be labelled? It’s best to not rely on labels. What's something you do a lot? Drive. Are you currently on any other websites? Nope, just on Tumblr. I wanted to take one survey before I start studying. Are you good at using Photoshop? Sisssss I don’t even have it on my laptop. I never want to touch that program.

What were you last embarrassed about? I drove my girlfriend’s sister from school to their house, but her sister never informed us that she was bringing a battalion of friends with her. I have a really small car and they were five in all, and they squished themselves in the back and I felt super bad about it. Are there any clothing items you really want but can't find? I’ve never had that problem before. Have you ever been told you naturally tilt your head a certain way? No, cos I don’t? Or at least I don’t think I do it to a point that it’s noticeable. What does your dream house look like? Square, white, big windows. Do you wear a lot of make-up? I never wear any makeup. When was the last time you laughed at someone? Yesterday, when Kate tried to sing in the car. Do you have any projects on the go right now? Nah, just want to focus on acads for now. What's a habit you find gross? Spitting and smoking. I couldn’t pick; the two are equally low. Would you rather have a Poloroid or a Lomo camera? I don’t mind either. When was the last time you were jealous? Last night. Do you, or did you, really look forward to when you can finally move away? I am looking forward. Are you the one who holds everyone's bags at theme parks while they ride? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA the attack on this one. Uhh yes, I get motion sickness and I faint easily, and I quickly learned that rides are not for me so I always hold my friends’ bags. What's the worst tattoo you've ever seen? Faces are particularly bad. I also hate tattoos in cursive. What's your favourite name ever? Olivia has been a winner in the last couple of years, but ‘ever’ is kind of a bold statement which I have no answer to. Are you a hat person? I never wear hats. When was the last time you were totally grossed out? Kate used an eyelash curler in a MOVING vehicle. I can’t stand the idea of using products that require you to go near your eye, so I was squeaming beside her. Have you ever forgotten how to do something simple? It happens to the best of us. Are you ever jealous when you see couples or friends together? No, because I have a girlfriend and I have friends. Has anyone ever approached you in the street and asked to take your picture? No. Have you ever disliked something just because most people liked it? Hahahaha it can happen. That’s what happened to me with Game of Thrones. Does anything hurt on you right now? Not at the moment. What song's stuck in your head? 214 by Rivermaya, then covered by Bamboo, then covered by JM de Guzman hahahaha. Do you ever look at people and think 'Why do they have a kid?’ It’s not so much ‘Why do they have a kid?’ but more of ‘Why are they a parent.’ Did anyone ever tell you that earwigs crawl into your ear while you sleep? I don’t think so.