#the fun awkward uncle

[jello-bbq]

Oel Nga'ti Kameie

(Platonic! Tsu'tey x Avatar! Reader) (Platonic! Jake x Avatar! Reader)

Jake is not the only avatar the Omaticaya decide to take a chance on. A failed government experiment must also prove themselves alongside him. Will this prove too much for an already overflowing cup? Will their insanity be cured? Or will they spiral further with Tsu'tey as the one assigned by Mo'at to teach them?

Listen. I know the child as the government experiment with an obviously traumatic backstory who also has frequent nosebleeds is so overused but it had to be done.

Part 2

They had only meant to observe. To watch. To guard Grace and Norm as they took a few samples from the trees. And yet here they were, stuck on top of a tree. How had they gotten there?

Fuck if they know.

Jake had been playing with some plants, motioning them over when he'd seen them watching curiously.

Without hesitation, they followed, barely dipping their hand into the curved divots before the plant shrunk. It had brought out a laugh from both of them. "Fun, right?"

And then it wasn't. The plants reacted in chains, all plunging in a way that had them laugh again. Jake raised his gun, aiming behind them.

When they turned, a large creature stared right at them. They reached for their gun.

"Don't shoot!"

The creature did not break eye contact, and neither did they as Grace continued.

"Trust me marine, you cannot pierce that hide. You'll only piss it off. Don't run either, stand your ground."

They felt it more than heard it. The tension lowering every so slightly as Jake put the gun down. Or at least they hoped he did, because they could only take so much of knowing a gun was at their back.

The creature snorted, swinging its large head and smashing the nearby trees. Cracking sounds filled the air. Wood splintering to fine pieces.

Grace was still talking in a low voice, sharing facts that certainly did not help the threat of being crushed to mush. Or their spine splintering like the trees had.

As they stared they felt something in their gut. Instinct. A feeling telling them to act on it. And so they did, stepping forward and hissing at the large creature, hammerhead tita-something, Grace had said.

The 'angtsik stepped back ever so slightly, letting out an almost relenting snort. Iridescent fans flared out at each side of its large flat head and it bucked forward, showing that it would not give up so easily.

That seemed to spur Jake on. He ran out from behind them, waving his hands in the air and yelling as he did.

That made the 'angtsik halt, fans folding back. It bowed slightly and turned.

Jake laughed, unbelieving that it actually worked. "Yeah, that's right! Who's bad?" He whooped, yelling at the creatures retreating backs. "That's what I'm talking about, bitch!"

They shook their head, smiling. You'd almost believe there were two children on this mission.

The victory was short-lived.

As Jake went to shout more curse words, they felt a prickle at the back of their neck. They ducked. Just in time to catch a glimpse of something black flying over Jake's head.

"What about this one?" Jake rushed, raising his gun again. This time, they followed his lead and raised their own.

The new creature turned to them. This one was smaller, but something about it screamed that it was more dangerous. They say prey should know how to identify a predator. "Run, don't run? What?"

"Run! Definitely run."

And so they did. The palulukan fell behind them, choosing to go after Jake, but they didn't know that. No, every echoing footstep rattled behind them. It was close. It was gaining. Its teeth were just inches from their neck.

Maybe it was the new environment. Or the lab experiments fresh in their mind. Perhaps another defect to add to the list. But they fully believed the palulukan stayed right at their heels.

Instinct took over reason. Screaming that every sound in the forest was the palulukan after them.

Nothing made sense after that. And so, they woke up in a tree. How had they even fallen asleep? Where was the palulukan?

They felt too tired to ask. Cogs in their brain freezing together as their surroundings sunk in.

Pandora. At night.

A beauty they had never seen. Until now.

Bioluminescent moss clung to the branches. When they peered over the edge of the tree, the glow dotted the forest floor below. A constellation shining so brightly it drowned out the sky.

They almost made their way down, startled instead by some small animals huffing around in the undergrowth.

A bit too late, they noticed the lack of a gun. Nothing to defend themselves with but a knife tucked away in their boot. And so they decided not to push their luck. They stayed in the trees. Trying their best to weave through the forest on the branches, but their best clearly could not compare.

As they tried to gather the courage to jump from one branch to another, they didn't hear the rustling in the trees.

"Come on," they muttered, trying not to get distracted by their glowing surroundings. Or else they'd never make it out of the forest. That sounded agreeable still.

A figure in the shadows, cleverly hidden, draws its bow. A clear shot at one of the Sky People that dared to roam in fake forms. There is no hesitation, and his grip almost loosens before a different glow fills the air.

Startled, the figure stares at the atokirina. Seeds of Home Tree. Sacred to Eywa. It flits right over the blade of his arrow, still aimed for the killing shot. It moves up the carved wood and rests in the air in front of him as if making sure it would be seen and understood.

And he has no time to dwell on it as the seed flies away, accompanied by the sounds of what could only be a person falling to the ground.

They had fallen. Slipped on a patch of moss as they ran forward for a headstart. So much for staying off the forest floor. "Fucking hell," they grumbled, wiping a bit of shining moss from their face.

It isn't long before they notice. Figures surrounded them. In the haze, they can hardly tell, but they all hold something sharp-looking and shiny, pointed straight at them.

It is also instinct to raise their hands. A fleeting show of peace as they stand slowly, blinking fast to get the blur out of their sight. Were they crying because the fall hurt? "I'm-" they try, words catching in their throat as one of them moves forward.

Clearly the leader of what appeared to be a hunting party. He sits tall on the direhorse. Imposing. Demanding respect. Arrow drawn directly at their heart.

"Why do you venture into our lands?" He asks, and it shocks them for only a moment that they could understand the words.

"I didn't mean to, I got lost-"

The Na'vi scoffs. "Of course, you are lost." He leans in slightly, if only to dig the tip of the arrow against her collarbone. "You Sky People are in 𝘰𝘶𝘳 home."

They say nothing. For what can you say against the truth? Nothing. So they take a different route. They step forward.

The Na'vi on the direhorses shift, holding their bows tighter, pulling at the strings more. They see it even as they keep their eyes on the one in front of them.

The blade pierces skin and in the light the shade of red is beautiful. However, no one pays attention.

"Kill me then." The words aren't said lightly. They carry a weight that the leader almost reaches to understand. "I am one of the Sky People, shoot me."

Four fingers grip the string tighter. Golden eyes narrow, and again he finds himself nearly releasing the killing blow.

This time, he is not interrupted by one atokirina. This time, they flood into the small clearing.

Their eyes widen in awe. No idea of the situation's weight. Not knowing anything but whispers of prayer, a soft exclamation of wonder. They don't understand why breaths hitch when one touches their hand. Or why the bows drop to their sides when more start to find their way to them.

One hovers over the wound on their chest, still dribbling crimson. It hovers as if in disapproval, then moves to fly in front of the Na'vi whose arrow made the cut. Hugf

They stand painfully still, afraid to move and scare them away. Though they still did not know what they were. Or why they were here.

The moment is beautiful while it lasts, but eventually one starts on its way, and they all do. They leave behind nothing. Nothing but the memory of their feather-like touches.

Only then do they notice how much the air has changed. There is still the tension, now more of a background note as confusion takes the lead. "What?"

Something is said in Na'vi, a quick beat of words. An order.

The words prick at their brain. A feeling all too familiar. But they have no time to dwell on it as arms grasp them and they are hoisted up onto a direhorse.

It is instinct again that has them wrap their arms around the one in front of them, who they recognize immediately by the way he grunts.

When they deign to pull away and take their chances, the Na'vi speaks. "Do not move unless you want to fall off."

And with that, the direhorse is rushing through the trees.

Their hands tighten at the sudden movement, a leaf slapping them in the face. A slight rumble felt in their fingers has them sure that was intentional. Though there is no time to hold a grudge.

The forest whips past them, a blur of color that has their head spinning in the best way. It isn't long before the gallop slows to a casual trot and the blurs turn into figures. Plants, trees, large arches of roots. A soft stream here and there.

The beauty isn't lost on them, their head swiveling to try and take it all in. Hair flies everywhere. The Na'vi they cling onto grunts again and despite wanting to mouth off, they shut up and move slower.

They'd love it if the plants were the last things they would ever see, and they were sure they would be.

The hunters were taking them somewhere a body could be disposed of easily. And that body would be theirs.

Pain courses through their shoulder. A flash of color accompanies it, a moment of red. The feeling is so clear that they flinch, turning sharply.

"Stop that," commands the Na'vi in front of him, "𝘴𝘬𝘹𝘢𝘸𝘯𝘨." The last part is added under his breath.

Briefly, they wonder if the Na'vi had hit them. But their shoulder remains untouched. No sign of crimson, not even of the pain they'd felt just a moment before.

No, they knew what it was. The ever so present hauntings of her past.

To some people, the past haunts through unrelenting memories. You see something, anything, and are somehow reminded of the past.

To them, memories had nothing. The past haunted them with aches. By brushes of searing pain, echoing all that they had ever felt before. And their life had plenty of pain to portray.

A cry signals their arrival. Drums follow, welcoming the hunting party back. The sound brings them back, and the pain is almost completely forgotten as they stare.

Roots so tall they resembled mountains. Sheets of glowing moss coating everything in soft light.

Hometree, standing tall and proud. Crafted so beautifully by Eywa. The love of the people almost tangibly flowing through it. If there were words to describe the sheer awe in face of it, they had yet to learn to them.

The same people gather, sneering as they realize meat isn't the only thing the hunters have brought back. And the avatar is reminded it is not their place to be in awe.

"Demon," some of them hiss, making sure to say it in English.

They realize they still hold tight against the Na'vi, and releases their grip. The horse moves slowly enough that they do not fall off.

The crowd follows, even as they dismount and weave through them, pulled along to the Olo'eyktan.

When they reach the front they meet the eye of Jake, who mirrors the look of confusion. Jake is being pulled through the crowd as well, and the crowd reacts similarly.

"𝘖𝘦𝘭 𝘕𝘨𝘢'𝘵𝘪 𝘒𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘪𝘦, 𝘖𝘭𝘰'𝘦𝘺𝘬𝘵𝘢𝘯."

Their attention turns back to the conversation happening beside them. They know the greeting but hold off, thinking they would not take kindly to it seeing as they were a demon.

"𝘖𝘦𝘭 𝘕𝘨𝘢'𝘵𝘪 𝘒𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘪𝘦, 𝘛𝘴𝘶'𝘵𝘦𝘺."

The foreign language itches at their brain. They try to fight the feeling, knowing what is next, hoping that they can hold it off.

Jake is pushed alongside them as the greeting is returned. They spot the Na'vi who had been pulling him. For a moment the itch stops. She had moved to stand a bit farther away, which piqued their interest.

Especially as the other Na'vi, Tsu'tey, keeps his grip on their forearm firm. His other hand held a spear as if ready to plunge it into their chest at a moment's notice.

"𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴?"

The words are forcing their way in. Squirming as the itch intensifies. And their efforts at repression are futile. Their eyes clamp shut. Information floods the front of her mind. Phrases. Words. Infixes. Crowding their thoughts and drowning them out.

Only Jake seems to notice, trying to hide his concern. "You okay?"

It lasts a second but feels longer. Like time had slowed and each millisecond brought more pain. And then they understand, but the pain doesn't go away. Like needles piercing through bone.

They understand the previous words now, even with the fog of pain.

"𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦." The words are solid, unmoving. Tsu'tey clearly thinks the same as he struggles to spit out words to say otherwise.

They were curious too. They had almost accepted that they were to be shot and thrown off a cliff far away. Instead, they were here. At the very heart of the Omaticaya.

"𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘌𝘺𝘸𝘢." It is the other Na'vi that speaks up.

"𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦! 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘦!"

Absentmindedly, they sniff the air. This does not go unnoticed by Tsu'tey, whose glare and grip become firmer.

"𝘍𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘢 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘛𝘴𝘶'𝘵𝘦𝘺."

"What's going on?"

For a moment, the English sounds foreign. Their brain falters, like it has been worked to overdrive and is sputtering to cool down. Which, they suppose, is exactly what it is.

The pain starts to subside, slowly, as if it doesn't want to leave. And they are reminded of what comes next. The blood. This time, they know they have to hide it. They sniff.

"My father is deciding whether to kill you."

The blood begins to drip.

"Your father?" Jake moves from their side. "Nice to meet you sir-" Instantly he is surrounded. Spears surround him, the hunters hissing as the blades glint.

Tsu'tey is among those that stepped forward to threaten his life.

They sniff again. The blood drips.

"𝘌𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩!" A voice rings out. "𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘴."

Everyone turns, and the distraction is enough for them to wipe at their nose, their hand coming back with a smudge of crimson. No one notices, hopefully.

The pain has dulled enough that they can look up and see the one approaching them. Her gaze is severe.

"That is Mother. She is Tsahik- the one who interprets the will of Eywa." The Na'vi speaks softly, bending down as if worshiping the ground to be walked on when the Tsahik draws near.

"Who's Eywa?"

They tap at Jake's hand, shaking their head lightly without looking at him. How was he so stupid?

The Tsahik stops in front of them, looking at them in disdain. "What are you called?"

"Jake Sully."

An expectant look is thrown their way and they almost ask why before Jake says their name for them.

"Do you not speak?" The following gase seems even harsher. Or do you not wish to?

She moves to them first, procuring a long thorn and noting the wound tracing just below their collarbone. They don't flinch as the thick edge of the thorn comes up to trace it. Quickly, harshly.

Their blood is tasted, and she moves on to Jake, striking his chest with a flourish. The sharp end is brought to her lips this time, and his blood is tasted as well.

He hopes Jake is smart enough not to comment.

"Why have you come to us?"

They decide to leave the talking to Jake. He was better at that. Besides, they were fighting the next drop of blood slowly making its way down their nostril.

"We came to learn."

"We have tried to teach other Skypeople. It is hard to fill a cup which is already full."

They almost react at that. Their captors had certainly tried. And succeeded, his mind reminded him.

"My cup is empty, trust me. Ask Dr. Augustine, hell, ask them. I'm no scientist."

"What are you?"

They brush a finger under their nose, hoping to play it off as natural.

"I don't know," he faltered. "I was a Marine- a uh, a warrior. Of the Jarhead clan."

That almost has them snort. Tsu'tey laughs outright. "𝘈 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳! 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘺!"

"And you?" All reaction ceases as the Na'vi look to them.

"I was-" they clear their throat. "I am also a warrior." An oversimplification, sure. But they did not feel like baring all the nuances of what they were.

More reactions. Jeering. Laughing. "𝘏𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳𝘴!"

"𝘕𝘰!" That one word is enough to silence all reactions. The Olo'eyktan speaks again. "𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘰𝘳 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘯. And the first child. 𝘞𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦."

"What's going on?"

"𝘋𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘛𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰."

She goes to retort but the Tsahik turns to Tsu'tey, effectively cutting her off.

"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪��𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘯𝘰𝘸." She turns back to her daughter, conveying the same message.

They feel Tsu'tey would argue if he could. But instead, his gaze hardens, not even trying to plead like the other.

Finally, she turns to them. They almost don't notice, another drop of blood slowly creeping down. "You will be taught the ways of the people."

The sound fades momentarily, as if someone's turned down the volume. Thankfully, she is talking to Jake and when she speaks again, the words are clear. "Tsu'tey will teach you. Learn well. We will see if your insanity can be cured." She gives them both a final look before turning away.

Staring at her retreating back, they wipe at their nose again. More crimson.

[lyticiaart]

Extremely rushed sketch because I love funcle Barry 06 and awkward early puberty (literally) wolf girl Yifa.

[thrumbolt]

Maybe Tamlin was pissed about Feyre's pregnancy because no one came to ask him if he couldn't just drop by for 5 seconds and shapeshift the babies wings away for the birth.

Like, it's his power. He's a high lord. He could easily change the appearance of that child in her womb for a few hours.

But nah, they rather risk her dying.

[tswwwit]

Just imagining Dipper's parents finally trying to get their shit together and rekindle their relationship with the twins after several years of almost no contact, only to show up in town and 1. Dipper doesn't recognize them at first, and 2. When they remind him who they are, his brain scrambles for a second because, in his head, his "Dad" is already in the shack, scamming groups of tourists for loose change. He nearly goes, "huh? But my dad is-," and points to the shack, before catching up with his brain and realizing who he's talking to

[omg-snakes]

How does the narrow face affect the chance of that snake’s survival? Or is it just an indicator of probable other defects?

It's pretty bad and I'm not sure if he'll be able to eat. He emerged fully so I was able to get a better look at what's going on.

His bottom jaw is reduced and twisted. He can open his mouth but it looks like his glottis is very narrow, too, and pushed close to the front of his mouth. His trachea may be pinched. The quadrate and/or supratemporal portions of his skull (top back) are also deformed and jut out slightly.

There may be other defects at play. I know it's a boy because his hemipenes are currently everted, which is not normal. He did manage to absorb his yolk, but his navel is not fully sealed shut. He's not kinked, though, and he moves normally so we'll see if his condition improves and if he's able to eat once he's completed a neonatal shed.

He reminds me of an Italian greyhound with a severe overbite. I'm going to call him Iggy, which is the most common name for that particular dog breed.

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

When you have to take off your socks to change into clean socks and your bare feet touch the floor for exactly fifteen seconds and the dry, smooth sensation makes you want to chop your toes off

[ike-mcswains-mortician]

you’ll do it better, show me how.

“empty page” by the crane wives but it’s hero oak

[kiddphel]

Has Wolf ever unexpectedly been left on Mayday babysitting duty?

Oh absolutely. And the best part is Wolf has no experience with human babies. He helped raise wolf cubs with his pack but never human children. He doesn't know what to do and children are so grabby. Wolf thinks "oh kids like dogs. I'll just let her play with my wolf form for a bit" not knowing that kids LOVE to grab and pull animals cuz they have no concept of how to play with animals. So now here's this poor dog getting his ears and tail grabbed by a toddler.

He's not BAD with kids. He likes kids. He's just bad with BABIES. Wolf is better with like. Ages 5-12. But he gets better the more Peter B. makes him babysit. Which Wolf keeps telling him to stop doing (he doesnt actually mind)

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

uhhhhhh he;s in my brain

criminal

[dumbshitforfree]

in wisconsin if you dont eat twice your body weight in dairy by the end of the year the milk marketing board comes to your house breaks both your kneecaps and throws you over the illinois border. repeat offenders are drawn and quartered at the mars cheese castle by that years newest master cheesemakers

[crowfeathers]

i cant tell if im fixating on I Am a Cat but if i am that’s just. hilarious.

anyways im so glad sneaze and waverhouse are both played by famous japanese actors in the 1975 movie it’s what they deserve

[mvncesa]

decker suddenly having, like, 3 kids all because of quin & his muses

[bunnys-kisses]

lust is a loaded hand gun

max verstappen

cw: smut/pwp, ferrari!reader, baby fever, seduction, cowgirl position, alcohol/drinking, breeding, the reader wants to have a baby and chooses to have it with max, max is not aware

this bunny runs on comments & reblogs! feed the rabbit!

part 2: love is a kick to the stomach

this sounded stupid. but you wanted a baby. and while that was an easy task for most women, you knew that there was something impersonal about picking from a catalogue. reading profiles felt weird, like you were looking for a used car rather than the biological other half of your child. even if you'd raise them without a father, you'd rather have a night of passion than an awkward doctor's visit.

charles leaned back in his seat and asked, "why don't you and i just make one." he shrugged his shoulders. he considered himself close to you. you had been teammates for a little over two seasons and prior to that you knew each other. he didn't mind being the one to help you bring a child into the world, "i can be his uncle and he'd never know."

but, as close as you were to your teammate. you had other drivers in mind.

you made a face, "no offense, charles. but it would feel like doing it with my brother." being teammates meant you two knew too much about one another. you worked well as teammates and rivals because you were more like siblings. while you appreciated the offer, you felt it was weird.

charles asked, relaxed in his seat, "why are you doing this anyway? isn't there a million ways for you to have a child."

you shrugged, "i want to be a mom, i don't know. leave my seat behind to another woman and let her make all the history. i'm honestly tired. i've reached the peak and now." you sighed, "i want something else. i've got enough money to retire and let my future child retire before they're born." you crossed your arms, "i don't want to be doing this shit until i'm forty and just degrade in the skills department. end on a high note." while it was not an insult to other driver's on the grid. you felt bad that they never got to really be parents due to the schedules.

"so you need to seduce a driver to make that happen."

you nodded, out of the corner of your eye you spotted the driver you had your eye on. while you eyed the man crossing your path, your voice got softer, "and i think i know just the driver."

charles looked over to the direction you were looking at. he noticed who was walking by and he looked back to you, shoulders dropped, "max. you're going to seduce and have a child with max?"

you looked back to charles and shrugged, "why not? what's not to like?" max wasn't a perfect man, sometimes you wondered about the mechanics of his brain. but, you knew your child with him would lay waste to the track in the future.

"i can name a few. do you want them alphabetically or severity of it?" charles asked.

you gave him a look, "it wouldn't be hard to get him to sleep with me. you, me and the rest of the garage has seen how he looks at me. i mean who else do i have to choose from? either they're too old, they're rookies, or they have girlfriends. and i'm not getting a heel in the eye because i'm trying to have a baby."

charles rubbed the bridge of his nose, "i think you just like him."

you tensed up for a moment, "no. this is all just simple. scheming... nothing more. i don't expect to trap him with a child. he is free to live his life after i'm done with him."

charles found it hard to believe. not on your end, but max's. he had heard at sickeningly lengths about how max felt for you. it was probably the most eloquent the driver had ever been. if you got pregnant by him, he'd be getting a ring the next day. he sighed once more, "then have fun with the wold champion. i'd say to be safe, but i think being unsafe is the whole point of this."

you gave the once over of max in the near distance and smiled, "don't worry charles, you'll get all the details in the morning." which earned a groan from your teammate.

-

it started over a bottle of wine and ended in the motor home of red bull. you and max had gotten frisky over the evening. you wondered if anyone was selling the photos of you two in the back of the restaurant to tmz or some other trashy outlet. you had shared two bottles of wine over dinner. the benefit of being as wealthy as you were, you could throw the cash onto the table and giggle as you stumble out of your place.

you knew someone had a photo of max kissing you at the table to 'taste' the sauce that came with your meal. as if he couldn't take some from the plate.

but back in the motor home, you had dropped your purse by the door. in the dark of the place, you two were starting to get undressed. heels kicked to the wall, your bracelets set on the coffee table. your dress was on the floor by the bed, your bra over the lamp by the bed and your panties on the bed.

"i'm on top." you said as you kissed max's lips. he tasted like wine and fine dining. he tasted and smelled expensive. in all fairness he could be worth more than a micro nation. he was not an easy man to buy, but the currency of sex was in high demand. max wanted you, and you knew that because he got on his back without much argument.

you were both naked on the bed. the faint lights gleamed through the large windows as you rubbed up against max with no other lighting. you could see his face against the shadows of the night. his blue eyes were like gems and they pulled you in. whoever he ended up with would be very lucky.

but tonight you needed him. he was an important piece in your plan. you rubbed against him and with a little help, you sank down onto his cock. while cowgirl wasn't the best position to try and get pregnant, but it ensured that your plan would work. any position is a working one.

"you're beautiful."

"i know." you said as you rubbed yourself against him. you braced your hands on his strong chest. he was a handsome man, he was good at what he did and he was a winner. you knew anyone would be lucky to have him, but tonight was the perfect partner. you knew a child with him would be perfect.

you continued to rub up against him. the roll of your hips were methodical. this wasn't the first time you slept with a man. you moaned when max groped your breasts, massaged the flesh between those bear paws he called hands. soon you sank on his cock and shuddered, feeling the heat raise in your belly.

this was a mission, no time to get attached. you were both tipsy from the alcohol and the driver under you were more handsy than ever. you try not to feel the emotions that came with it. the feeling of being attached to someone you were having sex with. you batted charles' assumptions about your feelings for max out of your mind as you rode the dutch driver.

you were determined to get pregnant tonight. you measured it all down to a t, all you needed was for max not to get whiskey dick. you curved your back to get closer to him, your lips met his as you moved up and down. his cock was snug in your, but it went in almost perfect. the blunt head hit against the furthest parts of you. your heart hammered in your chest as you moved your hips.

you pushed hair out of your face before your braced your hands on his chest once more. he was very toned, you almost wanted to joke about what happened to his slightly kinder chocolate addiction. but that was neither here nor there.

"you feel so good." he grunted, "why haven't we done this before? fuck." he panted, he could feel the heat in his cheeks as you rode him. he had been with others before but being under you was a pleasure no money could buy. you were really good at it, knowing exactly how to make him feel good.

"good things take time." you panted, part of you wondered what would happen if you covered his mouth. you didn't need the dirty talk, this was a mission. if you wanted a casual friends with benefits, you'd try something online or another in the paddock. fucking max was a certainly that you'd get pregnant. it didn't have to be intimate or soft. it was a means to an end, and you'd get there no matter what.

the sounds of your fucking filled the room as you continued to move against him. you raked your nails down his chest, catching his nipples which made him moan. he was cute on his back, letting you take over. you wondered how deep his affection for you went.

you didn't want the emotional baggage of it all. tonight you were both drunk and having sex in the motor homes. it would be a one night stand before you two finished out the season. you could feel the heat across your back as you stared at him.

his eyes were closed and his mouth slightly open as he panted heavily. there was heat in his face and you felt something tug in your chest. he was beautiful, you hated to admit it. but max verstappen was a pretty boy.

he was already blissed out, his noises forced you by the movement of your hips. you licked your lips and without thinking, you left a mark on his collarbone. it was stupid, but it excited your further.

you continued to move against him. your breasts bounced with each move of your hips. you felt moans in the back of your throat and a hum in your soul. pleasure was close and it wasn't long before you really worked yourself onto his cock and finished.

the tightness around his cock made max's back arch a little bit. he could feel the heat in the back of his head. his heart pounded as he watched you continue to ride his cock. he panted heavily and soon climaxed as well. you made sure to get everything you could out. you kissed him once more before you stopped. when you pulled away you got off of his waist and laid down on the bed.

"wow." he said out of breath.

you didn't want to talk. instead you turned your head to kiss him on the lips to keep him quiet. there was no time for mushy romantic bedroom talk. you needed him to fall asleep before you could leave.

you tried to count down the seconds, placing kisses across his heated face. you reminded yourself that there would be some lucky enough to keep him for life.

when you pulled away from his lips after one last kiss, he curled up beside you and right then fell asleep. you stayed awake, when the heat cooled in your body. you hoped your mission was a success. the lust and the alcohol still made its rounds in your body. but you were lucid enough to find your clothes in the dark and slip out of the motor home before morning.

you'd never bring up the event to max, only briefly mentioning it to charles. you'd drive harder after that, in the end you'd secure a world championship. as you kissed the trophy and your country's national anthem played, you were already pregnant with your child.

-

your retirement was a shock to max. you could've easily decorated your home with many trophies over the next few years. but at the end of the 2024 season, you bowed out. you thanked fans and told them that it was a new chapter in your life. and then like that you fell off the face of the earth over the off-season.

max tried to find ways to contact you. where did you go? what happened? why leave at the height of it all? the more he thought about it, the more questions were raised in his head. he asked around the paddock, even going as far as to ask charles where you went. the other drive shrugged and told him that you moved back to your home country with a "little extra luggage". there were no social media posts. nothing. it nagged in the back of his brain for what felt like a lifetime. what happened to ferrari's princess?

it wasn't until almost three years later, max had claimed another world championship. it felt like these days he was riding high. he was still the best. but as he walked into the paddock to train for the upcoming season, he stopped in his tracks. he felt like he was splashed with cold water.

there you were, three years older with a glow to you. you were laughing with charles and lewis, you looked different but in a good way. you were in overalls and a ferrari shirt underneath. you were more curvy than you were when you were driving. and while you were still beautiful like the sun, pulling max in. what made his stomach drop was who was in your arms.

a young boy, with big curious eyes and round cheeks. he held onto you tightly, his small fists in the fabric of your shirt. he seemed curious about the track, but not scared of how big it all felt. while max would've assumed that you got married and had a child as a lot of people did. but that's not what had happened.

max knew right away at the first glance of your son. looking at him was like looking at max's childhood photos. even in features that matched your own, your son carried a lot of max in him. the itch in his brain after you fell off the earth all those years ago came back, this was where you went. the boy looked like him and if he was right about the boy's age then dates lined up. there was no question. max verstappen was your son's father. and when you noticed him staring. you simply smiled and gave him a wink, shifting the boy in your arms and pointing at the me. when your son smiled, max felt something in his gut. looking at you, holding your (his) son, made max feel like he was home. and all those feelings he had been carrying poured back into his head and heart. the same emotions that allowed you to bed him. <3

sequel: love is a kick to the stomach

[apomaro-mellow]

steddie falls into porn cliches on accident

Steve was in the middle of washing the conditioner out of his hair, loving the silky smooth feeling and watching the water turn from cloudy to clear as it was all rinsed out. He was ready to start washing his body in earnest now, when he heard the doorbell ring.

For a second, he was ready to just ignore it, thinking it might be a delivery or someone trying to solicit. They could leave whatever they had on the doorstep or keep moving. Then the bell rang a second time and Steve remembered that he was in fact supposed to answer it.

Robin had hired a plumber to fix their sink. She told him they'd be coming between 8 am to noon. Steve had gotten in the shower exactly at eight, thinking surely he had enough time in that window. What kind of plumber showed up this promptly!?

Steve turned the shower off and grabbed the first robe off the hook. It wasn't his, he knew that. But in his defense, Robin wasn't home and he liked to air dry when he could. She could get mad at him later for snagging hers. He tied it hastily, rushing to the door before the plumber left.

-------------------

Eddie waited for the door to be answered, checking his watch while he did. Today was his only appointment, so he thought he was doing well by showing up on the early end of the window. He was ready to spout the rehearsed script when the door opened. Good morning, Munson and Son Plumbing. You got a problem with your drain pipe? Well I'm here to fix it. Fun fact, I'm a guitarist, so I'm pretty good with my hands. Anyone you know looking for lessons?

His uncle didn't always like him plugging his side gig, but putting up posters around neighborhoods wasn't quite as successful as actual face time. Then the door fully opened and he got an entire eyeful. A dripping wet god of a man, his modesty just barely preserved in a bath robe. It did nothing to hide his thick, hairy thighs or impressive chest.

"Hi I'm here to handle your pipe!", Eddie blurted out. "I'm mean I'm good with my hands! P...plumbing! I'm the plumber, I'm here for your plumbing."

"Oh, y-yeah, we've been expecting you", Steve tried to close the top of his robe more and that made Eddie self conscious about staring.

Steve introduced himself and Eddie did the same as he was let into the house, somehow not putting his foot in his mouth as he did. Steve took him to the problem sink and Eddie got to work while Steve excused himself.

He went into his room, looking for something presentable only to find it was mostly his stuff for the club. Definitely not appropriate for a plumber visit. Then he remembered why. He had started a load of laundry last night. And when he woke up this morning, putting it in the dryer so it'd be ready once he was done with his shower.

He went to the laundry room to do just that, emptying the contents of the dryer into his hamper, bending over to do so. Once he was done, he'd be able to put together an outfit that didn't make him look like a desperate housewife.

Eddie had just finished tangling with the pipe. It didn't take as long as he had expected but his shirt was drenched now. He listened out for Steve, hoping he was nearby so that he didn't have to call for him, only to hear something...odd.

He followed the sound until he came to an open door and realized what the sounds were - little grunts of effort. Eddie bit his lip, letting logic and reason work themselves out. Steve knew he had someone in the house and the door was wide open so he couldn't be-

Eddie walked through the door and there was Steve, bent over, top half in the dryer, bottom half sticking out. His robe had began to hitch up, revealing just the bottom of that perfect ass.

"Holy shit", Eddie squeaked out.

"Hey? Plumber guy? I know this is awkward but would you mind helping me out? My robe got caught on something and I can't-I can't free myself."

"Um, okay? So should I just...should I just?", Eddie got behind Steve, hands fumbling. Should he adjust the robe or would that be rude?

"Just grab me and pull", Steve said, wriggling around more and stopping when he heard a rip.

"Yeah, okay, yeah I'll just", Eddie grabbed Steve's hips and pulled, to no avail.

"Gonna have to do it a bit harder than that", Steve said. "Here I'll, I'll try and push too."

Eddie swallowed as he pulled again, Steve's hips coming flush with his own and eliciting a gasp from the other man.

"A...again."

Eddie pulled again, harder this time. He had kind of been working with a half chub. The kind Steve had to feel right between his cheeks every time Eddie pulled on him.

Steve gasped with each time their hips came together and it was getting hard to pretend his asshole didn't flutter with each movement.

"Fuck, just fuck me already", Steve whined.

Eddie wasted no time in dropping his pants and rubbing his cock against Steve's ass, precum dripping and Steve still wet from the shower. The tip slipped in with ease and then the rest of him and Steve's hips wouldn't stay still and then he was fucking him oh shit he was fucking him he was fucking a client while on the clock.

Steve's voice sounded goddamn ethereal, echoing inside the tub of the dryer. He was giving as good as he got, pushing back with each thrust and Eddie got to watch his dotted cheeks jiggle with each impact.

Eddie pushed the robe up more, licking his lips as he was rewarded with the sluttiest back arch that he'd ever seen. He wasn't going to last and this Steve guy wasn't either. Eddie came first, one hand on Steve's hip and the other bracing itself on the dryer so that he didn't fall over. Steve's cock spilled into the floor, a mess to be dealt with later.

"Fuck...you really are good at handling pipes", Steve laughed through his panting.

When Eddie left that day, he didn't get Steve's number. But a week later their company got a call about a clogged toilet and specifically requested that Eddie come over, that they only trusted his expertise. This time, Eddie wouldn't let it slip through his fingers. And this time when Steve greeted him in a half open robe, it was on purpose.

[auroralwriting]

how do we feel about spencer x hotchner!reader (hotch’s older daughter or maybe younger sister)

spencer dating hotch’s younger sister would include…

Spencer absolutely pining over you when Aaron brought you to one of Rossi’s mansion parties

“Hey, uh, Emily? Who’s that?”

“Oh, Hotch’s sister. Why, you like her?”

“No, of course not!”

Spencer is quick to a find a moment where you’re alone, approaching you and giving you a random fact he know

You actually stood there and listened, asking him more about it!

“That’s really cool, I didn’t know that. What happened next?

That’s the moment Spencer fell for you, no doubt about it

The whole time, you two mingle and get to know each other

After the party ended? you slipped Spencer your phone number casually. Poor boy thought his heard was going to explode

You were so unlike his boss. Hotch was stoic, busy, serious. You were fun, sweet, happy.

It started out with phone calls...

"Spencer, you won't believe what I saw today!"

Spencer would chuckle, "What did you see today?"

"The cutest little puppy!"

It took Spencer no longer than two weeks to muster courage (from Emily) to ask you out

Of course you said yes!

You two began dating not too many dates after...

... but neither of you told Hotch, yet

"He's gonna kill me."

"Spence, he is not going to kill you."

"He could!"

He didn't. He actually loved that the two of you were together. Of course, he didn't show it on his face or in his words, and Spencer nearly passed out while telling him, but you knew he gave his approval. He was a protective brother over everything!

Cute coffee dates, museum dates, Doctor Who binging dates

It killed you when the team was away, knowing your boyfriend and brother were both in potential harms way

Honestly, being a mother to both of them

"Spence, baby, did you drink any water today?"

"Well--"

"Nope, go drink water, right now. I don't care what you're doing unless someone is actively dying. Don't tell me if they are."

Que immediate phone call to Aaron.

"Tell me you slept last night."

"You know--"

"Shh! Tonight you'd better get eight straight hours or else I'm flying to fucking Idaho to make sure you do. And make sure Spencer drinks water!"

Hotch and Spencer definitely both complained about your mothering

Emily totally would keep an eye on you for them and snitch to you when they wouldn't take care of themselves

Going out with the team!

Holding hands under the table, resting your legs across his lap, putting your head on his shoulder

Unless Hotch was there. Spencer would feel too awkward to show any PDA around him

Babysitting Jack with him!

Jack quickly calling Spencer, "Uncle Spence" and it nearly made you cry... and him... and Hotch... and Beth

Yeah, Spencer Reid was stuck with this family now

[mellowmadds]

Casual Study Dates | Peter Parker

(MCU) Peter Parker/Fem Stark Reader

Warnings - slightly suggestive

Summary - Avenger’s compound a usually busy place hustling with activity seems unusually quiet for the day. leaving y/n and Peter in a sticky situation (pun intended)

Word Count: 1,237

°°••....••°°

Avenger’s Compound, a place that’s usually bustling with activities and combat training sometime’s has quiet days like this where super-powered humans who have insanely intense hearing can hear a pin drop from across campus. For you though being one of the youngest on the team you hated those days because it seemed as if everybody always wanted to see what you were up to. You weren’t necessarily an avenger but you were extremely smart and helped out around the lab and worked on some Stark Industries projects with your dad every once and a while. And that’s how you met Peter Parker and during those first two years of awkward conversations and study dates you two seemed to find some comfort in all that awkwardness.

“Are you nervous about MIT sending out their decisions soon?” Peter asked while getting comfortable on your bed while staring out at the beautiful city view.

“Why would I be nervous Peter? Most of my family are MIT Alumni.” You said a bit cocky if you really think about it.

“I- know it’s just I figured maybe you’d be experiencing the same nerves I was. It was a stupid question nevermind sorry” Peter stuttered out.

“You don’t have to be sorry Peter and you definitely don’t have to worry my dad put in a good word about you. You’re one hundred percent getting into MIT” You told him confidently.

You knew Peter was an anxious person and you’d do anything to take his nerves away.

“Now are we going to keep stressing about MIT or are we going to figure out these formulas that Bruce gave us to solve?” You asked while holding up the stack of papers labeled ‘Top Secret Formulas’.

Peter nodded his head yes while lifting his body off your bed to instead sit on the edge of the bed closer to your desk where all of your work was scattered across your laptop.

“But first I need to put some music on or else I won’t be able to focus” You said before sliding the miscellaneous papers off your laptop.

“That’s the Stark in you talking, how can you focus better with music blasting in your ears?” Peter asked while laughing.

“I guess you are right, that is a classic trait of my dads. But it just helps me focus better. I don't know, I can't explain it.” You turned on your playlist before flipping to the first page of the stack of formulas Bruce assigned you to solve.

Your speaker was loud but who cares it’s not like anyone cared or was listening everyone was off doing their own things. The first few songs were upbeat and fun but the farther you got into your playlist the more guilty pleasure songs started playing, but Peter didn’t mind he was blocking out the music anyways so he could focus better on the formulas in front of him. What you didn’t know was that Steve and Nat were standing outside your room listening.

“Knee deep where? doing what?” Steve said worriedly looking over at Nat.

“It’s just a song Steve stop being so old-school” Nat smirked back at him.

“But Peter’s in there with her, what if they aren’t actually studying?” Steve asked as any worried uncle would.

“The song is talking about having relations in the bathroom during dinner time, that’s not appropriate Nat” Steve said firmly not accepting any excuse now.

Nat wasn’t interested in continuing this conversation any further and started walking toward the living quarters where there sat Bucky, Clint, Bruce and of course Tony.

“What’s got you so tense Cap? Your boyfriends right here if you have to relieve some tension” Tony laughed making fun of Steve and Bucky’s unusual bromance.

“I think you should worry more about what your daughter and Peter are doing upstairs” Steve said, crossing his arms.

“What? What are you talking about Cap? His vigilant ass better not be corrupting my innocent perfect daughter” Tony angrily stated as his face turned a shade of red nobody expected.

“They are listening to a song about having relations in the car and bathroom” Steve said pointing upstairs to your room.

“And you didn’t shut it down the moment you heard that? What kind of uncle are you?” Tony asked running up the stairs to take a listen for himself.

“Oh my gosh the lyrics are filthy but it sounds so calming, how does an artist achieve that?” Tony muttered under his breath before harshly knocking on your bedroom door and bursting in unannounced.

“What’s going on here?” Tony yelled loudly only to be met with a view of you sitting at your desk and Peter sitting on your bed leaning against the headboard with a textbook and stack of papers sitting on his lap.

“What dad? We are busy figuring out the formulas Bruce gave us. Why the hell is everyone crowding outside my room?” You asked, pointing towards Steve, Bucky, Nat, Clint and Bruce all huddling in a circle outside your bedroom door.

“Well we heard the song you guys were listening to and were a bit concerned. You guys aren’t acting on those lyrics are you? You guys better not be under my roof” Tony questioned with a look of disgust on his face.

“What the hell are you going on about dad?” You asked looking over at Peter who looked like he'd seen a ghost.

“Are you guys having sexual relations?” Tony asked in disgust as your playlist suddenly skipped to the next song which would make your case even worse.

“Head so good, she's an honor roll she’ll ride your what like a carnival?” Tony repeated the lyrics.

“I am on the honor roll though, so it’s not entirely a lie” You replied back smirking like a smartass.

“This is not a laughing matter young lady, we are talking about something serious here, answer my question right now” Tony stated with a straight face not joking around anymore.

“Yeah we are and what about it?” You said, shrugging your shoulders.

“Y/n not in front of everybody” Peter said shyly.

“Who cares Peter they were going to find out sooner or later anyways, might as well just tell them now” You said looking back at everyone’s shocked faces. As you looked past your father behind him stood Bucky handing Clint a ten dollar bill.

“You guys had a bet going on about us?” Peter asked, looking back and forth between them but also keeping one eye on Tony just in case he might try to kill him.

“This conversation is not over and from now on this door stays open” Tony said sternly ignoring all the giggles and snarky remarks coming from his fellow avengers. Your playlist then starts playing a different song which lightens up the mood just a little.

“This one has a dance to go along with it, watch H-O-T-T-O-G-O it’s like the YMCA'' You said while doing the dance.

“I like doing the YMCA” Steve said, smiling now entering your room.

“Of course you do because you're ancient” Peter said jokingly.

As you can expect you didn’t think you’d be ending your day teaching Steve Rogers the Hot To Go dance however you wouldn’t trade the quiet days at the compound for anything because at the end of the day you’re just one big family and you wouldn’t trade them for the world.