#the food wood taste super legit

[gifti3]

Is there any canon info about belphie being able to give people the best dreams (or the worst nightmares) theyve ever had in their lives?

i think a belphie induced dream would feel real to life but everything good would be dialed up to 100. while for nightmares its the same but for everything bad to the point where you can actually feel pain

Anyways I was imagining him giving MC a forehead kiss while theyre napping and they wake up later amazed like

Wow i had the most amazing dream and it was so vivid too....how do i go back?

[zombiecicada]

Headcannons for nonsurant?

Nonsurat, I’m sure he’s perfectly sane, the that his head canons are the tamest of the three.

-Nonsurat identifies as male and uses he/him pronouns, but doesn’t mind being called they/them or even she/her. It’s honestly whatever. Sexuality wise, he isn’t huge on any labels, but has a preference for masculine presenting people. He’s never made this clear to anyone and doesn’t feel the need to explain this to other people. It’s frankly none of their business anyways.

-His current full legal name is Sir Nonsurat Lancelot Ceren. He also often goes by the name Lance for simplicity’s sake. Current he’s equivalent to being forty or so years old.

-He is the older brother of Dragato and Falspar. He’s also the brother of Meta, Arthur, Bedivere and Galacta. After Bedivere’s death and Meta and Galacta’s disappearances, he considers Falspar and Dragato to be pretty much all he has left, and is very protective of them. Arthur’s withdrawal from everyone alongside severe mistreatment on Arthur’s behalf has lead Nonsurat to be extremely weary of him, but deep down he knows he would protect and save Arthur if needed. He is the only one of his siblings to ever marry, and was married to his partner Javil. After Javil was corrupted by Nightmare, he prefers not to speak about Javil and is endlessly trying to find ways to cure their corruption.

-Nonsurat is one of the Blitzar Soldier Rebellion’s top generals, alongside the main blacksmith and weapon’s expert. He is always repairing everyone’s armour and weapons, upgrading them and working hard to find new and creative ways to improve the gear the rebellion has. While he’s a decent mechanic (fighting in an intergalactic war you learn how to make quick repairs on ships and fix problems) he leaves the hardcore stuff to Dragato, focusing on welding and patching hulls rather than the super technical things. He was the one that crafted his, Dragato’s and Falspar’s new sets of armour.

-Nonsurat’s favourite pastimes include drawing and sketching, he’s incredibly artistic and loves to design unusual and highly complex armour designs. While he’s not as good at painting as Dragato is, he greatly enjoys it all the same. He’s also good at wood carving, on night watch he usually just finds himself a good stick and spends his moments of peace carving away. He’s also fond of reading, as well as studying magic. But his all time favourite hobby is crafting weapons and armour, he would have a huge collection of weapons if he had the time to appreciate them and room to keep them all. He also greatly enjoys sparring, and fighting, and even enjoys killing demonbeasts as he is very good at it.

-Out of all the brothers Nonsurat is perhaps the least picky when it comes to any kind of food, and claims to not have favourites. He’d eat legit anything, and is usually the first to try something new no matter how unusual it may be. Dragato and Falspar see him as a terrible indicator for if food is actually good or not, as when he is asked about what it tastes like, he’ll always reply with ‘eh. It’s fine’ which can either mean he really likes it or he wishes he never put this in his mouth.

-Nonsurat has the ice and something akin to the magic copy ability. Using his axe or some other weapon he can channel forth large sheets of ice, or he can channel magic to accomplish various things. For example he’s used his magic to make the enchantment that allows Dragato’s and Falspar’s wings to switch between cape mode and wing mode after studying Meta’s dimensional cape and trying to copy the magic spell. He also used his magic to make the rings he and his siblings wear along with Dragato’s help. Finally, he has the ability to preform some completely random magic attack similar to Magic Roulette, where some completely random in the nearby vicinity will happen. This ability has a massive cooldown time, and he can only use it every so often.

-Nonsurat is well skilled in using all kinds of weapons, but his favourite is his trademark axe that was given to him by his mentor. He’s had it for a long time, and alongside using it to channel his magic he uses it as a walking aid and for balance.

-During his time in the GSA, Arthur had Nonsurat at the frontlines most of the war, as he was incredibly skilled in combat and very physically strong. During his breaks from the frontlines, he wasn’t allowed to rest, instead being pushed to help in the weapons department. Constantly teetering on the edge of complete burnout, he often went months without getting to see his brothers. It was during this time he met his partner Javil, and the two kept each other sane throughout the war.

-Nonsurat is an amputee, at the age of eight he got caught in an assassinate attempt that was meant for his mentor. While his mentor was able to save them both, Nonsurat was severely burnt and had to have his wings removed, also simultaneously sustaining severe nerve damage that leaves him with a terrifyingly high pain tolerance. Dragato and Falspar are constantly worried for him when he comes back from fights, as there’s a good possibility he’s broken bones or torn muscles and he cannot tell. He’s a severe workaholic due to Arthur rarely allowing him to genuinely rest, Falspar often has to remind him to take a break and that he’s worth more than the work and accomplishments he can provide. Nonsurat struggles to talk about his feelings and care about what happens to him, perhaps one of the few things keeping him moving at all is his burning desire to protect Dragato and Falspar with everything he has. He talked more before the fire, and denies having pyrophobia.

-He is ambidextrous, and has very, very big strong paws for a puffball.

-Currently he helps Falspar and Dragato run the rebellion, serving as one of Falspar’s strongest warriors and a fierce combatant. He spends a good deal of his time making sure the frontlines are okay, as well as repairing armour and weapons, but Falspar forces him to take breaks more often, during such he’s trying to find a way to undo Javil’s corruption.

-His theme song is Marketland by Lemon Demon.

[juiceastronaut]

Writing Commissions Open! (Dm for payment details.)

Hi everyone! Opening commissions for the first time, let's see how this goes! Any fandom is accepted, give me a character description and a dynamic and I'm off to the races. Word count for requested fanfic cannot exceed 5k words (I'm only just starting out and don't want to overload myself until I'm aware of my limits.)

Fandoms I've written for and are provided as some examples below include: Dungeon Meshi, Mob Psycho, Owl House, Helluva Boss, Fate Series, Castlevania.

More info under the read more:

The price will be sliding scale,

1k words: $15

2k words: $25

3k words: $30

4k words: $35

5k words: $40

Will Not Write: Any ship with minors/adults, minors in a sexual context, incest, rape/noncon (can be negotiated if its within the context of a BDSM scene), beastiality, and anything with bigoted language in a sexual context (ie. raceplay).

I reserve the right to refuse a commission if it makes me uncomfortable.

Special Interest Characters That If You Comission Me For I'll Be Super Happy: Kabru (of Utaya), Falin Touden, Laois Touden, Toshiro Nakamoto, Reigen Arataka, Serizawa Katsuya, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, Lancelot, Saber, Siegfried, Hunter Wittebane.

Some samples of my work (links to the fanfics will be below)

Example One:

He remembered…the first time he had a slice of cake. Standing at about three feet tall at five years old, the servants had fed him extremely basic, nutrition-dense meals, more interested in teaching him proper etiquette with spoon placement than cooking him good food. Then, as a demonstration of how to slice, divvy out, and eat dessert, they brought out a chocolate truffle cake, with coconut sprinkles on top. He had never seen anything like it before, the colors of the cake practically saturated in comparison to the glob he had been used to. And they let him eat it, the wonderful flavors practically melting on his tongue.

He wouldn’t eat his other food after that, throwing an absolute hissy fit on the floor, demanding the cake again, chucking the food back at the servants and sobbing his eyes out. His father actually had to be called for that one, and the chef was instructed to start cooking him more complex meals. “You jump started his palette, it’s to be expected that the Ars Goetia have refined tastes in food.” Only the most wonderful of meals graced his table from that moment forth, and his tantrums stopped, eating happily through his lessons once more. Stolas could not for the life of him figure out how those events produced the same feelings inside him.

Example Two:

This stupid bird. If it had just flown away when Hunter told it to. Found literally any other witch that wasn’t the nephew of the person explicitly hunting creatures like it. The wood of the box slightly darkening as droplets trickled from his face down onto it. He hated this stupid thing, hated how he’d grown to like it being around, its dumb chirps in the morning as it asked for breakfast, the way it listened to him when he talked to it about the books he’d been reading. He didn’t want to lose it.

He found himself already shaking his head.

Example Three:

“Gotta tell you Serizawa, this kind of gave me whiplash. I thought you were gonna list the fact I…well, I thought you were angry.” “I’m not angry. Well…I’m–” Serizawa sighed, the words failing him. “Woah, wait, are you upset? Look, I know it wasn’t the most lucrative pay in the world but it was legit all I can afford. I’m not paying much more to myself than–” Serizawa dipped Reigen, spinning him around, which succeeded in silencing him. He swung him back up again, trying not to notice the flush on his cheeks, “I know, I know…just…” Get it together, we’ll know and do better. “It’s not just–” It just don’t come natural to think…that you’d want me for me. “--This is just what I need to do right now,” Serizawa whispered. Reigen nodded, looking off to the side. I swear, I’m really trying. “No and I…I understand that, like I said…” Reigen looked back at him, smiling, “You don’t have to justify it to me. I knew I couldn’t keep you forever.” Oh I’m sorry, I promise, I’m doing my best. Serizawa looked into Reigen’s face, and felt in his grasp the slight shake of his frame. The song ended and Reigen attempted to push him away. But Serizawa caught the corner of his sleeve, pulling him back. His mouth gaped open and shut like a fish. This is how he knew that Reigen didn’t feel the same way about him, he would’ve been so much better at getting the words out than Serizawa. “I–” I just haven’t learned how to be human as you are yet.

Example Four:

Laois started looking around while Toshiro worked, Kabru going back into their cave to change into fresh clothes, picking up his rock again afterwards, going up to check on Toshiro. He looked up for a moment, then went back to work. Kabru laid down beside him, holding his rock up, watching the light bounce down his arms. He sighed and stretched out, putting the rock down, resting his eyes. “You two seemed to have fun,” Toshiro spoke. Kabru cracked an eye open, speaking through a yawn, “What do you mean?” Toshiro looked at him, then back at his journal, “I…forgive my forwardness, but you two left here fully clothed with armor and then you came back with no armor, half-undressed, and soaking wet.” Kabru held up his rock again, “We found these rocks while we were at the stream.” “I see…” “Why do you ask?” Toshiro shook his head, “No question, just an observation. I’m glad you two had fun.” Kabru tilted his head, feeling his brain trying to click into that, analyzing Toshiro’s response, trying to decipher its meaning. He decided against it, however, curling up on his side and closing his eyes again. “You should–” Kabru yawned, “--speak up more. No one's gonna bite you if you do.” Toshiro paused in his writing, “Oh?”

Example one, two ,three, four, and some more for good measure

Let me know if you're interested!

Edit: First commission finished! Read it here

[astaroth1357]

Demigod MC Series: Demeter

Have I been using this series to vicariously punish Belphie for the events of Season 1? I cannot confirm nor deny that statement.

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter

Lucifer

Didn't think too much of the "human" when they popped out of the portal. Sure they had a straw hat and a huge basket full of produce but it wasn’t like they were… Wait… No… Were they…?

Oh no. Oh nonononono, this is not good…!!

Demeter is notoriously doting and protective of her children (see her freakout and breakdown after Hades abducted of Persephone as proof) and they've pretty much done the EXACT. SAME. THING. here!!

It was a mad scramble by him and Diavolo to contact and appease their godly Mother Bear before she came roaring down to Devildom herself to turn them all into barley. Thankfully, Zeus must have intervened at some point because though she was indeed PISSED, she didn't threaten to barge in… yet.

She made one thing very clear. Bend so much as a single hair on her precious child's head and there would be WAR…

The MC received a 24 hour security detail after that. Just Mammon wasn't going to cut it, he needed NO chances. It was a full rotation of Mammon, him and Beel for the entirety of their stay (Asmo and Levi both threw hissy fits at the prospect of babysitting, Satan couldn’t be trusted not to kill them just to irritate him, and Belphie was out for… obvious reasons).

In some ways, it wasn’t so bad. The MC was a very mild sort of person, rather even tempered. He’d dare say they were pleasant, mostly content to just tend to their gardens and be out in the moonlight…

But the problem was, he just could not convince them to stay OUT of nature. Including the forests, which were full of hellish beasts fully intent on gnawing their flesh from their bones… and their specialty was plants, not animals, sooo…

Their habit of sneaking out to wander the woods got so bad that he very nearly considered pulling a Belphie 2 and locking them in the basement for their own good. But Devil knows what damage their mother would do if she found out…

At least they make for pleasant company… And Diavolo seems to like them quite a bit himself so the mortal gets a pass from him. Now if they’d only consider their own safety for a change…

Mammon

They make him a KILLING.

Like, no seriously. Their produce is insane!! He’s never tasted food so good, especially stuff that’s come fresh from the ground! It only took a few berries for Mammon to throw on a straw hat himself and start harvesting! He’s a farmer now, baby!!

Weeellll not quite. He’s still absolutely only in it for the money, but anything he brings to a farmer’s market goes so fast that he can hardly care about the labor! He’s never made this much Grimm in his life!! And it’s totally legit for a change!

He bought himself another car, paid off half of his debt, and even got Levi back that 2 or 3 grand he leant him centuries ago. Really, Mammon’s living his best life and it’s all thanks to MC!

It’s a good thing his blatant grifting doesn’t hurt his relationship with them at all, in fact they seem to enjoy having his help regardless. They bring him drinks on hot days or invite him on picnics and stuff, it’s… it’s really sweet. They’re very nice to him and he appreciates it…

But… COULD YA JUST STAY PUT ALREADY???

It drives him INSANE that they won’t stay out of dangerous places!! After he started caring about them for more than just a meal ticket it only got even worse!!

He’s not usually one for monitoring someone’s every move (that kind of control freak behavior is more a Lucifer thing) but he eventually had to set up familiars around the House just to keep them from sneaking out at night...

What was so interesting out there anyway?? There wasn’t any kind of plant that he could bring them himself! They didn’t have any need to be out there!! 

They’d keep telling him they’d be fine but it’s not like he’s going to actually buy that. They were too… nice to be dangerous or anything so why would he believe them?

No more running off, MC! Please, he’s beggin’ ya!!

Leviathan 

Wait, gardening? Like, being outdoors and stuff? Ew. No thanks, he’ll pass.

That was more or less his first reaction when they showed up and it never really got much better than that…

He admits that they’re friendly and it’s not like he dislikes them or anything, but their thing so far from his thing that they just don’t have a lot in common… you know?

For starters, they get So. Antsy. when they’re inside for too long! He tried to invite them to a marathon once, but they could hardly keep still and kept looking around like they were searching for a window… He said, “to jump out of.” They insisted just for some fresh air, but he didn’t buy it...

They’re nice enough to listen to his rants, but they’re barely ever inside for him to do so and like HELL is he going to leave his room and stand around out there for that long. Ranting is at least a one to two hour engagement! What if he gets hot out there? And have you SEEN Devildom bees?? Hell no!!

He has, however, asked them on multiple occasions to reproduce flowers he’s seen in different anime, especially ones that have a very unique look and they’ve done some real wonders with that!

He can now claim to be the only person to ever own a Ruby-Jade Vine plant, straight from the pages of TSL when it was used to brew tea for the Lord of Lechery during his brief illness and-is anyone even still listening anymore?

The point is, it’s a flower so rare it was imaginary but now HE has it!... or had it for about a week until his utter incompetence of all things plant killed it…

He begged the MC for another but they were out of the plants they needed to make it and would have to go back to the human world to find more… He’s still mourning his loss… Poor Henry 4.0…

Satan

Well… He’s called this MC “salt of the Earth” and he does truly mean it. Take of that what you will.

He doesn’t get much in the way of intellectual conversation out of this mortal UNLESS he’s talking about plants, farming, or botany… Interesting topics and complex in their own right to be sure, but that’s pretty much their wheelhouse and they like it there.

That being said, the feats that they can perform are genuinely mind-blowing! They are the ONLY person he has ever met who can cultivate the Devildom’s own ultra-rare Phantom Orchid, a plant only blooms when it reaches a perfect state of undeath (i.e. both taken care of and neglected just enough so that it's only barely alive. The balance is so tricky to master that one hasn’t bloomed down there for centuries!)

There’s also something just genuinely relaxing about watching them work or helping them in the gardens… More so than he’d ever expected from such a simple activity.

He admits that he’s taken quite a few strolls through the flower-filled courtyard of the Demon Lord’s Castle just to admire its beauty... But anything that they can grow just blows all of that out of the water!

They even taught him several magic botanical techniques so now he can grow some pretty mad plants himself. Lucifer never expected to find that giant Venus Flytrap in his closet, but one was there regardless. 😏

Just… out of curiosity one day, he asked the MC if they could make him a new kind of catnip. Not for any nefarious reason! You know… just for research purposes…

The nip they made was so effective that the House grounds were FILLED with nipped-up cats for a whole month! He was in Heaven!! (and Lucifer practically wiped those plants from existence so he couldn’t get any more… asshole...)

That must have inspired them because they apparently made a demons-only version that they told him about WELL after the fact. Had he known, he probably would have burned the stuff on principle... Do you know how dangerous demon-nip could be to them? Experiment responsibly, MC!

Asmodeus 

Ehhhh, gardening SOUNDS like one of those things that should be super Devilgram-able, but then you realize how sweaty and dirty you get in the process and it’s a huge turn off… Sorry MC.

When they first came down to the Devildom, he thought two things: 1) Such a sweet little flower child, as adorable as they were, would never survive; and 2) even if they could, he would never ever see eye-to-eye with them on the “wonders” of getting all up in the dirt.

Well, he was right about 2, but certainly not 1. Personally, he thinks his brothers worry about them too much, they ARE still a demigod.

At one point he saw a pack of hellhounds almost trample one of their vegetable gardens and they lost it. Word to the wise, never try to take on a child of Demeter in their own garden. Those hounds were wrapped up in rose vines before they could even yelp...

Yeah, the MC would be fine.

That being said, while everybody else clamors over their produce, he thinks that their flowers are really where it’s at!

Taking just five minutes in one of their gardens is something else... He’s never seen blossoms as healthy and immaculate in all the Devildom before! Their beauty could (almost) rivals his own! What they do isn’t just a hobby, it’s an art.

He’s taken multiple pictures with their blossoms and they go viral every time. It’s so rare to actually see gorgeous, petal-filled flowers in the Devildom, most of the native plants are of the man-eating variety.

His only complaint about this MC is that they seem to feel much more at home in work clothes and dirt than they do in any sort of party-look he tries to give them… Cute as they are, they can afford to gussy up sometimes can’t they? Mud and grass stains don’t make for a good look, sorry.

Beelzebub 

Beel gardens and the MC gardens as well. Add on that they seem to be able to grow all manner of fruits and veggies and he likes this one. A lot.

They had just finished apple-picking when the portal nabbed them so they had a massive basket of apples at the time. Naturally, Beel more or less stole the thing on sight, but the apples inside were so juicy and good that he almost shook them down for more on the spot!

Imagine his surprise when they, half pleadingly, explained to him that if he got them some seeds they could just grow more… and it wouldn’t even take that long.

To be clear, the formula he saw was this: Get seeds > bring seeds to mortal > mortal grows seeds > mortal makes endless supply of food….

Congratulations MC, you’ve now earned the sixthborn’s eternal loyalty after a grand total of… two minutes. He didn’t even know their name, but he was willing to take a bullet for them (provided he got more of those apples).

The next several months were spent with Beel attached to them to the hip in some way, but honestly? It was just so wholesome anyway…

If he’s helping in the garden, he never complains. He does most of the heavy lifting and actually likes being out there with them (unlike others...)

Many afternoons were spent sitting under fruit trees and talking. Sometimes, they go to the trouble of preparing a picnic or something but it would always inevitably end with Beel plucking the whole tree clean of whatever ripe (or unripe) fruit he can get his hands on with a smile. 

The MC never minded though. That’s just another excuse to grow more, right?

His only problem was when the MC would sneak out to the forest… especially when they get too antsy and just go alone. 

He HATES it when they do that! How is he supposed to keep them safe if they just wander off?? He knows that they have a special connection to nature and all, but it isn’t safe…

He’s flown in and scooped them back up to the House on numerous occasions and his “talking tos” get sterner after every rescue... Please stay put, MC! He’d have so many reasons to be sad if you were eaten… 😔

Belphegor 

Okay, he was looking for a capable, if not gullible, human. Not a shoeless flower hippy!

He honestly wasn't expecting much out of this one... Damn their little heart because they did genuinely believed his lies, it’s just that they weren't… well… They were really good at gardening.

… And it grew kind of hard to keep hating them whenever they'd show up just to give him fresh berries or a bouquet to see him smile… He may claim that his heart is made of nightmares and orphan tears, but who doesn’t enjoy being given a batch of flowers? 

Damn their sweetness too… Right to here.

When it came time to kill them he had a heavier heart than he thought he would, but kind of saw it like putting down the sacrificial lamb. Gotta be done to reach better goals... Stiff upper lip and all that.

Unfortunately for him, they had taken to carrying packets of demon-nip with them as a self-defense measure…

He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected when they shouted “Get nipped!” at him mid-attack, but it wasn’t a face full of some smelly herb! Like, really smelly…! Actually, that smelt kind of good… Hold on.

Turns out murderous rage really doesn’t last long after you get what is effectively ultra-strong catnip thrown in your face. They ended up having to go and tell Lucifer what happened themselves because Belphie was way too blissed out on the floor to do anything... They were legitimately worried they might have fried his brain...

He’s told the effects of the demon-nip lasted three days. He doesn’t know, because he hardly remembers any of it... They described him as like he was high on “weed” and “ecstasy” at the same time but he doesn’t know what either of those are either so it wasn’t helpful…

Truthfully, they were so nice to him while he was recovering that he couldn’t even be mad afterwards so all's well that ends well? Either way, he’s sleeping under their orchard trees from now on. It’s peaceful out there...

They burnt all that nip though. It’s some strong stuff...

[foryoumyheroes]

Stan Twitter

[Midoriya + Todoroki + Bakugou + Kaminari] and their secret stan accounts.

A/N:  Gender neutral reader and [H/N] stands for [Hero Name].  Aged-up AU and everyone is already a Pro-Hero. Kinda SMAU? 

Disclaimer: I recently became aware that the word “simp” has been appropriated from AAVE. As someone who is not from the black community, I genuinely apologize and I don’t have an excuse for my ignorance. I am removing it from these hcs! I consider myself an ally (but I clearly have a lot of work to do) and it is my own fault for not educating myself, which I hope to do more of in the future.

I also have to give credit where credit’s due I love @myherowritings​ ‘s SMAUs and was inspired to write this from their works so please check them out if you’re reading this!  

Izuku Midoriya: 

Goes the whole mile. Has a [Name] stan account with 10k followers. Interacts with other [H/N] stans regularly. Retweets edits and compilations. Makes his own fancams and edits. 

Vote [H/N] for the top ten  @[H/N]might345  I am so lucky to be able to get the entire @official[Hero Name] x @Super_Groupies collaboration collection!! It sold out within minutes! 💨💨 It was kinda stressful haha. 😅 Thanks again to everyone who supported our favorite Hero! http://bit.ly/G4peUrTd36A

Vote [H/N] for the top ten @[H/N]might345 Thank you to tik tok user @rainbowinureye for giving me permission to post their playdate edit of [H/N]! It’s so well done and the cuts and the scenes line up perfectly 😊 http://m.tiktok.com/WrqKOXWpYbU  

Vote [H/N] for the top ten  @[H/N]might345 I made another [H/N] edit to the song “This is Love” by Illene Woods slowed and pitched version 😊💕💕 Please tell me what you think and how I can improve! http://bit.ly/dK9-c7QOcWg 

Of course it’s edited perfectly with all of the clips synced up perfectly?? It’s a byproduct from his All Might days. He’s still sure to respond to every person who gives him constructive criticism on how to improve his edits. 

Unintentionally becomes a meme?? Becomes known as the fanboy to end all fanboys. Like this guy is EVERYWHERE. He’s in the comments of every [H/N] funny moments and [H/N] battles but every fight is poorly edited to the sound of vines and every official interview posted by official YT channels. 

Stream Fine Line  @randomaccount360 The wildest thing about Twitter is that one [H/N] stan account that comes running whenever you mention their name. 

Vote [H/N] for the top ten @[H/N]might345 replying to @randomaccount360  hahaha! I am here! 😁

High-key people think that he’s one of those stalkerish fans?? Like he’ll post pictures of you eating at super close angles that no other news site has and it isn’t like a pic a fan has asked for either... it’s like a candid photo of you shoveling back food 

But you guys are legitimately dating?? He lives with you?? It’s just so embarrassing to know that he runs this popular stan account of you that you rarely bring it up asdfg ;; You ;; politely look away.  

Vote [H/N] for the top ten @[H/N]might345 Isn’t @official[Hero Name] the cutest? Here’s them eating the souffle pancakes at Flipper's! It was super good! http://bit.ly/fQE__7riZko

Mashomallow @mashomallowfood  replying to @[H/N]might345 OP how do you know what the pancakes taste like 

Pinky step on me @Minastannn replying to @mashomallowfood  OP pls respond it’s a legit question 

thehighground @ayeyeye  replying to @[H/N]might345  @official[Hero Name] if you are in danger please wink twice  

OHH if you get hate?? He will respectfully put that person in their place in the most eloquent way possible. Five pages, doubled-spaced, MLA format, works cited page. 

[H/N] > Deku >:(  @[H/N]might345  It has recently come to my attention that people online have been saying that Deku is a better hero than [H/N] and I am here to say that is not the case. Not only is pitting two heroes against each other extremely toxic but [H/N] has shown time and time again that they are the more successful Hero. [1/24] 

Show this thread 

He exposes himself by being tagged in those “Get to know them better” trends and it wasn’t like he was ever hiding the fact that he ran the stan account so he has no problem doing it. He’s so casual with posting a selfie of himself and saying his name and likes and dislikes but the people who tagged him just thought that he was just a regular fan?? Not Pro-Hero Deku?? 

#WTFDeku is trending for a whole day in Japan. 

It answers a lot of questions but opens up more. 

Everyone legit thought that @[H/N]might345 was just a rich kid with a lot of free time this whole time. But no?? It was Number One Hero Deku?? Does he make the edits when he’s fighting villains or something asdfg 

It makes him so happy though!! You guys would be chilling and his phone dings from notifications and he’s turning to you so happily like, “Look, [Name]! Another popular fan account retweeted my compilation of you! I can’t believe they noticed me!” Asdf i love this boy. 

Shoto Todoroki: 

LOOK even before you two debuted as Pro-Heroes he was your number one stan buying all the merch, watching all of the interviews. 

Interacts with other fans occasionally. 5K followers. Verified by Twitter for some reason. Has a generic name like @[Name]snumberone and thinks that it’s polite to always end his posts with a simple :) 

He’s told you about his side account before, but you know that he has one dedicated to Endeavor hate, so you always think that he’s referring to that one. 

Horny on main for some reason?? People think that he’s socially inept and doesn’t really understand a lot of jargon or slang, but thanks to Kaminari and all of the other stans he’s studied up because he thinks that’s how you’re supposed to talk on the internet. 

Like someone will post a pic of you holding something between your thighs like a water bottle or your phone or wallet while you tie your hair up or sign something for a fan and he’ll be like “goD i wish that was me.” 

it’s photosynthesUS @queenking[H/N]  Can you believe that there are people out there that don’t think about [H/N]’s thighs at least once a day?? coughcough anyWAY on an unrelated topic here’s several pictures of those beautiful legs http://bit.ly/pH6KeOjpKeI

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone replying to @queenking[H/N]  I can die happy if those legs suffocated me 

[H/n]’s biggest fan  @[Name]snumberone  Another fan messaged me saying that they liked my account :) thank you. I love [H/N] more than anything. 

[H/N]’s biggest fan  @[Name]snumberone Someone messaged me this from a site called Archive of Our Own? They said since I like [H/N] so much I would like this. It’s pretty enjoyable :) although kind of OOC? (is that right?) 

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone I thought I would try my own hand at [H/N] fanfiction since it was so fun to read I binged the entire tag last night :) But please be warned that it’s not for underage readers. 

Would try to fight the haters in the most passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive way possible. He had no problem with trying to square up against the chief of police and he’s incredibly stubborn. He immediately responds to their post and tries to shut it down as quick as possible and sometimes it’s ;; kinda hurtful 

One time a hater account was spreading negative things about you and after Shoto came on the scene they quickly ended their thread with a “Of course [H/N]’s white knight came to save the day again 🙄🙄”

Within the next hour he changed his bio to “[H/N]’s white knight” 

Doesn’t get that trend where after someone posts something thirsty about someone else another user will reply by thanking them for something random? 

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone Has anyone seen [H/N]’s arms after their most recent fight with a villain? They can break my back like a glowstick :) and stick their tongue down my throat ig 

Stradandelous @pikadeegeek  replying to @[Name]snumberone  Thank you for paying for my anger management classes :))))

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone replying to @pikadeegeek  Oh, do you have me confused for someone else? I know that @realbakusatsuou needs anger management lessons 

He gets exposed after someone posts a picture of you and him smiling at each other cutely and someone responds with “🥺🥺 get someone who looks at you the way Shoto looks at [Name] and soba. It must be nice to kiss one of the cutest Heroes of the century” 

[H/N]’s biggest fan @[Name]snumberone  replying to @bossbiccc Thank you but soba will always be number two to [Name] :) and it was nice. 

Everyone then collectively LoSeS their minds and connects the dots like hUH?? You included!! You aren’t spared from this shit!! You spend your whole day with your jaw dropped to the goddamned grOUND as you scroll through his side account. Did he try all of that before or AFTER writing his fanfiction?? 

Endeavor gets news of it and learns just how horny his youngest son is and nearly goes into cardiac arrest. 

He just slurps his soba when everyone under the sun confronts him about it and he’s just like “what about it?” 

Katsuki Bakugou: 

About 600 followers. Doesn’t interact with anyone other than retweeting posts and liking them. Rarely comments. Never answers DM’s. Only follows one person and that’s @official[Hero Name].

You don’t know about it. No one knows about it. If he had it his way, no one will ever know about it.  

Occasionally he posts, but it’s mostly him flaunting the fact that he got limited edition or super expensive [H/N] merch that gets sold out in seconds and he’s super fucking smug. 

my hero [Name] @[H/N][Name] check out my limited edition [H/N] figurine. their costume is covered in real strakowski crystals. they did a good job with the face too.

Whatcanisayyyy his parents are designers. He has a taste for the finer things in life. 

He’s not much of a texter in general? So he doesn’t go off on lengthy arguments with people who post hate like the other two. Surprisingly mature when he does this. He reports or blocks them, but he’s always proud to know that these lowlife people can’t bring up a good argument because he always finds holes in their points. (They also don’t have the whole story. Which is? He loves you.) 

NEVER retweets or likes content that involves you and another Hero being shipped together. Purely Ground Zero x [Hero Name] only. Who gives a damn that Creati x [Hero Name] got the most votes from the Official [H/N] Fan Club?? Bakugou ,,, does not see it. 

Kinda boring really ;; he only has that many followers because he only retweets the BEST [Name] content and he’s fucking proud of it. 

He gets exposed when you and he get dragged to a club with Bakusquad one day. You’re on the dance floor with Mina and Sero and he’s just reclining in the booth retweeting paparazzi pictures of you that night and Kaminari manages to sneak up behind him and takes a picture of him without him noticing. People ofc zoom into his phone screen and find out that hE FUCKING HAS A WHOLE STAN ACCOUNT DEDICATED TO YOU?? When y’all are dating?! He’s retweeting photos of you in your outfit that night when he was right there?? He sometimes uncharacteristically comments 🥺 or 😍 or “my love”??? 

The goddamned UWUs that are passed around that night!!

The unsuppressed anger 😨😨

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway @realbakusatsuou YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!! IT WAS SAID THAT YOU WOULD DESTROY THEM NOT JOIN THEM!! 

Red Riot @theofficialredriot replying to @NOTjammingway The PLOT TWIST OF THE CENTURY! NOT EVEN THE SHARINGAN COULD’VE PREDICTED THIS

Cellophane @Serophanetape  replying to @theofficialredriot  No wonder he’s changed since our school days... 😔😔 as his bros we should’ve seen it... the good in him...the c o n f l i c t 

Pro Hero Ground Zero @realbakusatsuou  replying to @NOTjammingway  Shut. The fuck. UP!!! 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  ASDFGHJKLHELPMEEEEE http://bit.ly/DVtNve4qySA

Show this thread 

woah pass that  @hellofolksclapclap Transcription of @NOTjammingway’s post that was taken from his IG live for anyone that needs it 😊

[Chargebolt]: [to Red Riot] and anyway, I there I was barbecue sauce— [two knocks appear on his door]. Huh?  [Red Riot]: [walking to the door] were you expecting anyone?  [Chargebolt]: No—? [Door slams open loudly. It falls to the ground off its hinges.] [AHHHHASDGHSPE?] [T/N: how did he manage to keysmash in real life?] Bakugouuuu! [Screams impressively high pitched.]  [Ground Zero]: I’m going to fucking kill you!  [Red Riot]: Bakugou, no! Stop! What would [Name] think?! [Ground Zero]: [Name] can’t fucking look at me without laughing anymore!  [A whole bunch of voices interlap and more screaming ensues.] [A faint ‘wheee’ is heard.]  [END.] 

Eventually he just fucking owns it and is like yEAH!! I HAVE A [NAME] STAN ACCOUNT WHAT OF IT?? 

hero for all  @official[Hero Name] Love you too, @[H/N][Name] <3 <3

Pro Hero Ground Zero @realbakusatsuou  replying to @official[Hero Name] ...You’re lucky I didn’t deactivate the whole fucking account. 

He still retweets things to this day, but now he’s getting more bold. 

Denki Kaminari: 

Unlike the others his official twitter IS his [Name] stan page. 

He’s going back and forth from posting about his battles, his promotional content, and then splits them all with retweets that are like “I’ve NEVER wanted to hold a hand so bad before in my life. I SWEAR!” 

IMAGINE if he did have a stan account though. He would be going back and forth between his official and stan account and like fake beefing with each other. 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  [Name] just defeated 28 villains today!!! FUCK👏ING👏TWENTY EIGHT👏 The talent in this household... the sexiness... 😳😳

i sent you my love pls respond @[H/N]steponme replying to @NOTjammingway Dude I’m going to steal your lover 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  replying to @[H/N]steponme  You wouldn’t dare 😤 😤😡

i sent you my love pls respond @[H/N]steponme replying to @NOTjammingway   If that’s your lover why are they buying MY animal crossing turnips? 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway replying to @[H/N]steponme @official[Hero Name]... say it isn’t so... 

hero for all @official[Hero Name]  replying to @NOTjammingway  What the FUCK is going on 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway  Replying to @[H/N]steponme They’re in your acnh island but they’re replying to MY tweets we are not the same 

Since he’s a Pro-Hero and therefore a public figure, sometimes he gets flagged by karens on the internet for saying stuff like “pls sit on my face [Name]” on his official twitter and he always replies to comments that are like “Think about the children!” with “This AINT about them!!”  

If his S/O is getting hate he’ll reply to them such as

dog mom coffee lover @lilyjargon920 I’m sorry I can’t help it, [H/N] is so ugly ESPECIALLY after a fight 

Pikachu’s long lost son @NOTjammingway replying to @lilyjargon920 That’s a strange way to say that you’ve never gotten anyone hot and bothered 

Flip-flops between being super horny and “Can i hold your hand ;;; PLEASE” 

Whenever he takes mirror selfies in his bedroom his bed is like ;; half [H/N] plushies 

Because he’s not hiding anything he’s able to interact with your page freely and most of the time his retweets get more likes than your tweet because he’s just randomly thirsty without it having anything to do with your og tweet. 

He tries tik tok trends on you and reposts it on his twitter as well. He tried the “getting naked in front of partner” challenge while you were in the middle of working at your desk at home and you just looked at him like “Put some clothes on HOE” while laughing and getting back to work. 

He posts Boyfriend ASMR POVs but most of them are like self-indulgent fanfiction and he’s talking to “[Name]” instead of making it open to everyone. 

Everyone in Class 1-A clowns him so hard for this. 

Present Mic plays one of them during his radio one day as a request from a listener and he had to leave the room but since he’s so loud his laughter was basically the only thing people hear. 

[nad-zeta]

Hello, hello, hello! I loved your head canons about the warlords' ages and I wonder if you can write head canons of the warlords' profession, not in modern AU but the warlords deciding to go to the future with MC and well, the profession they would have!! Thank you so muuuuuuuuuch. 💕

Hi hi, love! 🌻Thank you sooo much for the ask! This is legit my third time writing this up, the first time I did this, I forgot to save the word file, and the second time my laptop crashed right after I finished writing it😭....... But finally, here it is🌻! I’m so happy you liked my HC, I hope you enjoy this one, and I hope you have a good day! ❤🔥

Headcanon: Warlords and their future jobs 

Nobunaga

I think the second Nobunaga arrives in the future he would become a businessman

He would start off small from your apartment, but within the month he will turn into the biggest corporate leader, having thousands of people working under him

He would spend the first few weeks just chilling in the future with you but soon start to get bored

He would also, low key feel like its wrong for you to be supporting both of you

He does some research on stock trading and then starts playing around with your life savings

Good thing for you, Nobunaga is a clever man, and he manages to triple the money in a week by playing around on the stock market

He uses the income made, to start a small business, which soon starts growing at the speed of light

This man will not be able to work for someone so I can definitely see him being the CEO of his own company

He will be the ruler of the corporate world in no time

It’s pretty funny how in the span of a year he has earned the old name he once carried in the past “Devil king.”

Masamune

This is a no brainer

Obviously he will be a chef

I think he would start off small like finding a job at a local café but then soon take the culinary world by storm

It started off when the two of you went to eat at one of your favourite cafes

He enjoyed the food so much, he couldn’t help but pop into the kitchen to thank the chef (◕‿◕✿)

The kitchen was absolute mayhem and the chef had told him that he was very short-staffed

And that is how Masa got his first future job

He worked in the café for a few months picking up experience and learning to use all the futuristic equipment

From there, he bounced around from place to place learning all sorts of cool culinary techniques

I think at the end of the day he will most likely open his own restaurant

One that specializes in authentic Japanese cuisine

Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if he opened a branch of the restaurant in Nobunagas company

Mitsunari

I can see this cutie angel being a teacher or professor

I think he would be a great academic and educator

I can actually, see this boi being a professor teaching all sorts of subjects from statistics to the art of war ヾ(●ε●)ノ

The first few weeks of being in the future with you, he spends in the library absorbing as much knowledge as possible

One day while he is sitting and reading up on every and any subject, he overhears a group of struggling professors at a nearby table

Apparently they had been trying to solve a certain equation for months now but to no luck (ﾉಠдಠ)ﾉ︵┻━┻

Mitsunari walks up to the group and cheerily asks if he can be of some assistance (◕ᴗ◕✿)

Usually the group would just laugh and chase the random stranger away but desperate times…

They hand Mitsunari the equation and this clever boi takes one look at it and starts writing out the answer

The math professors were sister shook… Like he didn’t even freaken, need a calculator (◯Δ◯∥)

They legit offered him a job as a lecturer and he soon becomes the students’ favourite absent minded professor (◕‿◕✿)

I think he will most definitely also publish a few research papers as well and contribute to the body of knowledge in all sorts of subjects

Ieyasu

Also super easy he will either be a vet or a doctor although I am leaning more towards veterinarian cause of his love for animals

He will most likely join Mitsunari in university, cause he is a super-smart porcupine he will become a certified vet in no time

Also spends the first few weeks of being in the future at the library absorbing as much medical knowledge as possible

He gets the idea of becoming a vet after watching a bunch of animal rescue shows on the national geographic channel 

While you are at work he starts volunteering at an animal rescue during the day to pass the time

That is where he met one of the vets that help out at the rescue in their free time, he legit liked Ieyasu so much he took him on as an apprentice, while Ieyasu was busy completing his studies

Later on he will most likely have his own veterinary practise

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if he starts his own animal rescue on the side as well

Within two years the two of you move to live on a big plot with all yours and Ieyasus rescued pets

Hideyoshi

Hideyoshi could go one of two ways hehe 

If Nobunaga comes to the future with yall then you best be sure this boy is ganna help Nobunaga rule the corporate world

Buuuut if it’s just the two of you, I 100% see him becoming a primary school teacher

Like he would just be so good with kids

He is basically trademarked as mama hen anyways, so why not put him in a primary school to teach lil chics

I think he would be such a good teacher, supportive, kind, and patient

He has enough practise lecturing Nobunaga for bad behaviour, so he might as well put that to good use correcting the behaviours of troublesome kids

He gets into teaching when your sister drops her kid off at your apartment to babysit

You had work, so the only one that could care for the child was, the mother hen himself

He sat and taught the little boy how to read and write, this impressed your sister so much that she recommended him for the position of substitute English teacher at her child’s school

At first Hideyoshi worked as a substitute teacher, but soon he became the designated aftercare teacher and within a few months he was teaching his own class

The children absolutely adored him although they would sneak behind the school building to eat candy cause, they didn’t want to get yet another lecture from Yoshi on the negative health consequences of their favourite sugary treats

Mitsuhide

100% detective (¬‿¬)

I mean can you just imagine how sexy he would look in a trenchcoat… like OMW (づ￣ ³￣)づ

The first few weeks of spending time with you in the future you introduce him to CSI and Law and order and he is super fascinated

You are so amazed by the fact that he can figure out who the perp is 5 minutes into the show

The crime in your neighbourhood was pretty bad, but since Mitsuhide’s arrival something crazy happened 

The crime seemed to disappear. 

Like no more robberies, no more drunks walking up and down the street, just peaceful quiet calm neighbourhood 

One day as the two of you were buying snacks for your CSI bingeing session, two armed men came into the convenience store 

You looked over at your lover who seemed completely unphased, like one of the robbers were legit pointing a gun in his face, yet Mitsuhide looked uninterested

Within a blink of an eye, Mitushide managed to disarm the men and tie them up 

The police were hella impressed with the way Mitsuhide handled things 

He helped the police department solve a few petty crimes in your neighbourhood and soon they started calling him up, to help them crack some difficult cases

After a while he becomes the most famous and popular detective in town

The government low key recruits him as an agent to help them

Kenshin

Again I don’t see Kenshin working for anyone

I think the first few weeks the two of you arrive, bunnies start following him around

Looks like the bunny lord is never safe from the love of the cute fluffy creatures 

The two of you will definitely be living on a bunny farm

Kenshin, although he doesn’t admit it, has a soft spot for the cute fluffy creatures 

So the bunny farm is actually more of a bunny rescue although that’s just his part-time job

As he adapts to the future, I can see the farm transforming into being a bunny and sake farm

Lol Kenshin loves Sake so much 

He knows how good sake should taste, so naturally he starts to make his own and sell it

This starts one day when a friend of yours invites the two of you to a sake tasting

The instructor was so impressed with Kenshin’s keen sense of taste that they got to talking and before Kenshin knew it, he had two people willing to sponsor him, to start his own sake brand

Naturally he never backs down from a challenge

He actually goes on to become the largest Sake producer and bunny rescue

Yukimura

I can legit see this boy doing something active like being a firefighter or gym instructor- cause lets be real this boi is ripped

Or actually maybe both

The first few weeks of being in the future he managed to save 2 peoples lives by fearlessly running in a burning building

The firefighters were legit so impressed they decided to take him on as an intern

He got some of the perks, i.e. free gym membership to stay fit

That’s when he started giving out a few pieces of advice to the people around him

“Like seriously dummy, don’t you even know how to do a proper squat, u legit ganna hurt your back if ya keep doing it like that.”

The members of the gym appreciated his advice so much, some of them started paying him to become their instructor, and soon the gym decided to hire him part-time

Now when Yuki isn't running into burning buildings saving people he is training people in the gym 

Best be sure he is gonna drag you to the gym with him

Shingen

Hehe I’ll admit I’m not too sure what this boi would get up to in the future

I think the first few weeks will be spent with you just adapting and getting to know everything

I think he would continue on with his carpentry

He kinda starts to notice your apartment is furnished in super cheap furniture

You tell him you are just a student in this time and don’t really have money to buy anything fancy

He buys a few cheap pieces of wood and starts furnishing your apartment with the most beautifully crafted furniture

Some of your friends visit the two of you and notice the remarkable craftsmanship and start commissioning him to make them some furniture

After a while he becomes the best carpenter in town

Goes on to open up a shop selling the different furniture he makes

I can see him hiring people in need, and that need a fresh start and then teaching them the trade to be able to make something of themselves

I can also see him volunteering at rescues and fostering bear cubs cause he misses his so much

I hope you enjoyed this dear and thanks again for the ask! ❤❤🔥🌻

[noblechaton]

sorry for this but i need 2 ramble a lil

ok so like first off health-wise i’ve been able to eat again for about a month now which has been nice but i’ve been really timid and slow about it and only go for things that i’ve been able to keep down bc i don’t wanna risk it (i eat a hot dog like every day at this point tho most of what i’ve tried has stayed down without much issue at this point but i spit certain things out on instinct like shrimp. i can still taste certain stuff hours after eating it too but it seems hard to figure out what foods and stuff cause it. it seems like certain flavors?? spices maybe?? also i started drinking alkaline water bc i heard it might help and idk if it did/does but i drink it all the time. maybe it’s related to the rest of this?? idk)

i’m not totally out of those woods yet tho i don’t think bc my neck/throat has been super uncomfortable and even in pain almost 24/7 the entire time i’ve been able to eat again and idk what that’s about. i kinda think it might be like not scabbed over but like it’s recovering from me losing ~40 pounds out the mouth for a month or two lol but i’m also really easily scared that it’s something more serious and do everything i can not to think about it (chewing gum has helped tbh)

and i still have tons of what i think is indigestion (as in a lot of burping lol. also it feels like food might still come up if i don’t make a conscious effort to keep it down whenever i burp too much or w/e) and i’m also still pretty uhhhhhh (gross word incoming) constipated and i think it’s making my stomach/sides hurt as a result (tho it could be due to my lack of eating or what I do eat not being great for that?? idk tho like i demolish rails of crackers and i think those are good for that?? maybe??)

and idk what to really do about all that at this point bc like. i’ve run every test i can really think of?? all of them came back good somehow meaning i supposedly don’t have the bad stuff i thought i did but like ik something isn’t right or else my throat wouldn’t feel weird?? since i got approved for legal weed i got a lil dropper thing but i’ve been really nervous about using it bc i’ve never done anything like that before and i don’t wanna fuck anything up since at least i can eat rn y’know?? (which is also why i haven’t been taking any medicine, especially my prescriptions which legit seem like they made things worse which isn’t surprising since some of them legit conflicted with each other but i also kinda wanna try pepto or tums again or something but again i’m nervous about ruining what lil peace i have)

i kinda wanna go back to a doctor but since they’ve been.........annoying to work with at best and bc i’ve gone so much this year i don’t really wanna go again and waste time/money if they’re not gonna be able to diagnose me y’know?? the only tests i can think to do at this point are another endoscopy, the one that goes up the other end and/or a (gross word incoming) stool test which idk like after a full year of my issues seemingly evading the doctors intentionally it’s hard to convince myself it’d be worth it but also i wanna be better now like 100% better and im tired of not knowing why i’ve been like this

beyond that tho i’ve been sleeping like pure shit and not going to bed before like 6am at best most days and waking up around 10am-1pm every day meaning i don’t get a lot of sleep anyway hhhh and my fam’s getting real testy lol which means this big trip we have planned for august might be real fun (if i don’t stay home with the cats anyway) and plus i really miss the cat bugs which is making things worse bc i don’t have anything to hyperfocus on rn (other than halo and kh1 lol)

all this health stuff has really like changed me and i’d like to think it’s mostly for the better but i need to get thru it to know for sure. like i wanna eat healthier again like i was and i wanna feel like working out and shit and not be as afraid as i’ve been (which has been so bad that i’m typically afraid to sleep but that’s been the case all year tbh). writing the lil bit i’ve written seems to have helped but i also feel like i’m kinda stumped up with that again which bites. plus i kinda haven’t had anyone to talk to about any of this since april where a few of my friends went radio silent on me (which was v cool) and so it’s all kinda been stuck in my head and gradually building and making things worse im sure 

idk. i just wanna be thru this and start really being myself again. it also sucks bc i keep feeling myself crushing/loving on two ppl who i do wanna confess to but i don’t wanna do that till i know i’m gonna be okay for sure but to do that i gotta go to a doctor again but there’s no guarantee they’ll actually figure it out since they’ve been as clueless as me but kinda rude sometimes too and hhhhhhhhhhh

[doubleddenden]

Since today sucks for people whose mothers are bitches or absent, I propose we talk about our favorite burgers to get our minds off of it.

I shall start with a few

The Flamethrower Burger, DQ: so this behemoth from the Queen of Dairy is a total opposite to the ice cream they're usually known for. 2 buns, 2 deliciously made burger patties, lettuce, tomato, jalepeno bacon, pepperjack cheese, and flamethrower sauce. It's big, and it has one mission: to destroy you and your hunger. Trivia: this is the burger that made me start to appreciate veggies on my burger.

The Bacon King, BK: this is a fairly simple burger in terms of ingredients and shouldn't stand out to me as much as it does: thick smoked bacon, American cheese, ketchup and mayonaise, and two flame grilled patties between sesame buns. The patties and how they are made make the difference here. Tasting the char broil is such a delight, though it is a rare one since it is usually overpowered by sauce.

The Skeet Burger: this burger is probably not that well known since it is a local delicacy to those that have even heard of it, making it even rarer. I have a saying when it comes to food: the sketchier the location, the better the food. Your natural super shined super nice looking restaurant that serves hundreds of customers a day cannot compare to this random wood and tin shack on a gravel road in the middle of the woods. The burgers are super customizable with onions, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, pickles, etc, and you can double up on some, including the patty. But one patty should be more than enough. A fair warning: it's a big, meaty greasy boi, so if you have a condition that it might affect, then maybe try something else. But if you do, you are in for Nirvana on a bun. The first time I took a bite of one, I felt a small boom in my stomach- not an exaggeration btw, I was legit concerned at first, but after that bite I was in absolute bliss. My dad ate one and was full for an entire day. My friend ate a double skeet burger with extra cheese, and he could only eat half. That's a true burger for you.

Local burgers are not off limits but do try to describe it in detail. Let us unite in our love for burgers on this kinda bad day for those like me.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #191

“i got a baseball bat beside my bed to fight off what’s inside my head.”

Museum date or aquarium date? I suppose aquarium. Have you ever been a part of a protest or a march? No. Do you play any video games? Yes. Did you ever have an emo or scene phase? Yes. Name a subject you know a lot about. Meerkats. How would you describe your style? Too-Poor-To-Dress-Goth-So-Wears-Band-Merch-And-Graphic-Tees-Instead. What’s something most people love that you hate? Coffee. Who knows the most about you? Sara. Applesauce or pudding? Pudding. If you could create ANY mix-up or mythical animal and have it be brought to life, what would it be? I think I've mentioned a meerkat with butterfly wings before? Or bird wings? Describe a moment that is a prominent memory, but didn’t have a strong impact on your life. Uhhhh there's a lot. One random one would be learning to ride my bike. If there was one problem/issue you could wipe off the face of the earth, what would it be? Ohhhhhhhhhh god, there's so much. Maybe poverty? Do you think everyone in our lives serves a purpose, or are some people just there? In the story of your own life, no, not everyone. How do you feel about getting your picture taken? I hate it. Most embarrassing poster you’ve ever owned? Never owned one I was embarrassed by. When was the last time you were in a public setting and a stranger annoyed you? I'm not sure. Strangest pet peeve? Probably how much I hate people going in/out the wrong door. If you could make a guest appearance in ANY show, which one would you choose? Uhhhh Supernatural, maybe? Who do you think is the most underrated comedian? I don't know enough comedians for this, nevermind less successful ones. Do you always make eye contact with people when you’re speaking to them? No; this is something I'm super awkward about. I don't know how long "normal" eye contact is, so I think it's very easy to notice how, when talking to you, my eyes will suddenly wander. Could you see yourself having a child with the last person you kissed? We physically can't. We both don't want kids, anyway. Who is your favorite person to have random conversations with? SARA. When you were small, did you ever ask where babies came from? If you did, do you remember what your parents told you? I think I did, but I don't remember. What’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever been given? That I was/am "absolutely beautiful" and deserve "everything in the world." Who did you have your first kiss with? How did you meet that person? Jason. We "met" via Facebook because I accepted his friend request because I thought he was a different Jason lmao. Apparently he saw me in the hall and knew he had to talk to me so somehow found out my name. Which. I still want to know how. I've come to find how creepy our origin story is lol. Have you felt butterflies in your stomach today? No. Did anyone/anything get on your nerves today? No. Think of the person you fell the hardest for. What first attracted you? I don't know which I fell hardest for, honestly... because one was to an unhealthy degree, but my bond with Sara is healthy. I know I'm closer with her than I was Jason, but I guess by definition I still "fell hardest" for him? In that case, I thought he was really unique, even odd, which I appreciated. Has anyone recently found out something you didn’t want them to know? I got to where I told my therapist about the RP hobby, per Mom's and Sara's recommendations. I'm trying to work towards not being so secretive and embarrassed by what I love, so I very slowly got it out to her as practice and as a trust exercise. Is there something you currently want, that you can’t have? HA, there's a lot. A drawing tablet, for one. Who was the last person to make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable? LAAAAAAAAAAAAAWL. Probably the last person I had a social interaction with that wasn't my mother. Think of the last film you watched. Who was your favorite character in it? Buddy (Elf). What color is your couch? Tan. What are you known for? Probably as the unsuccessful, antisocial, lazy 23-year-old that still depends on her mother. Has anyone ever threatened you? Yes. Have you ever been scammed? I don't think so? Are you making sure you’re using your full potential? Boy, I try, but I know I don't. If you have a partner, have you ever had to sleep in separate beds? If you don’t, how would you feel if a future partner wanted separate beds? We're long-distance so like. It'd be a bummer, but that's it; I understand wanting comfort, and even I know sleeping on your own is comfier. I'm just a cuddler and would sacrifice comfiness for the sake of physical closeness. What is something you are skeptical about? People’s intentions. <<<<<< This. Is there a murder case you find absolutely fascinating? I'm sure there's some I've forgotten. What is an unusual item somebody you know owns? Ummmm. OH HA Sara keeps the complete/"good" sheds of the snakes in her room. What’s the oldest TV-show you like? When was it made? I Love Lucy, 1951. If you have a job, do you prefer morning shifts or evening shifts? N/A, but I know I'd prefer morning. Do you have a mug with your name/initials on it? No. Have you ever designed your own mug? No. Is there a game that you excel in? A number. Have you ever been in a row boat? No. What are you most confident about? Most insecure about? Ummm... probably photography, I guess? I'm most insecure about "odd" interests and hobbies. When are you most likely to say something you don’t mean? When I'm angry. When was the last time that you saw fire? I'm not sure. Probably while lighting a match to burn some incense. Do you like wearing sunglasses? Why or why not? No. I don't like my vision being dimmed. What do you think in general of girls with short hair? Rock it. How about guys with long hair? Usually attractive to me. Have you ever seen somebody get shot? No. Would you ever try one of those DNA kits? Totally. With films in languages you do not speak, do you prefer a dub or subtitles? It depends if the voiceovers are convincing or not. Generally, I like those because subtitles distract me. Which cuisine do you like the least? That I've tried, Japanese. Are there any foods you dislike because of the texture? YEAH. LOOOOOTS. Do you let your pets sleep in your bed? Yes, except Bentley. Who are your favorite songwriters? Otep Shamaya probs tops the list. What are your favorite one-hit wonders? YO "My Own Worst Enemy" by Lit is a BOP. Have you ever seen anybody naked by accident? Maybe? Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about a celebrity? ... lol yes. Have you ever changed your clothes in the car? Yeah. About how quickly does your hair grow? UGH, fast. Because I have it short now, it's overgrown in like, two months. It looks awful where it is now, but I should be getting it cut this month. Do you have to/choose to shave anything unusual? Fuck "have to." No one has to shave anything if they don't want to. But anyway, I suppose you can consider above my lip "unusual." Much to my annoyance, I have dark body hair so develop the dreaded "ladystache" if I leave it alone for too long. Do you groom (wax, pluck, or thread) your eyebrows? No. If you wear makeup, what are your preferred brands? N/A Did your school have somewhere for girls to get emergency pads/tampons? Yes, but for a bit of change. Fucking stupid. Did you have to take showers after gym before going to your next class? No. Were you in any extracurricular activities or clubs in high school? I was in the art and honors club, but we didn't do after-school activities. Have you ever picked up and kept a rock because it caught your eye? I think. Have you ever laughed at a scene (TV/film) that wasn’t meant to be funny? Ha, I'm sure. Have you seen any Hannibal movies other than The Silence of the Lambs? I haven't even seen that, but I want to. I know it's a classic and have heard great about it from horror fans. Have you read any of the Hannibal novels? No. Do you like any indie movies? Probably. What part of a man’s body do you find most attractive? I'm suuuuch a sucker for prominent shoulder blades/moderately muscular backs. What part of a woman’s body do you find most attractive? I'm weak for hips. Do you think guys look good in makeup? YO most I see doing it fucking rock that shit. I deeply respect guys who embrace their more feminine traits. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? No. Do you like bread crust on pizza or do you prefer it cut off? Mmmmm love it. Have you ever driven while drunk/intoxicated? No, absolutely never would. What’s the worst/hardest drug you’ve taken? N/A What is the worst/hardest drug you’ve been offered, but declined to partake in? Nothing. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for trying it? I was just curious about how it tasted and knew a bit wouldn't hurt me. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you expectantly turned pregnant? The only way that could currently happen is if I was raped, and I don't know what I'd do. I lean towards carrying it would probably be legit traumatizing to me so yes, but I suppose I'd have to be in that situation (knock the fuck on wood) to truly know. What is the weirdest ailment a pet of yours/your family’s has sustained? Ummm. The weirdest... probably the intestine thing that killed Cato. I can't remember precisely, but I believe it was some type of infection that completely clogged him. Maybe even a disease. If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy hotel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free? In the car. Is there a situation you caved into peer pressure and regretted it? Maybe? Have you ever been in a relationship that was going great, and then suddenly something weird happened and you just KNEW it was going to be over soon? That happened with Jason. I had this odd feeling something was off for a little while. He was quieter and seemed somewhat depressed, which was totally unlike him. I even asked him quite a bit if something was wrong, but he always reassured me he was fine. Which of the guys you’ve been interested in hurt you the most? lul we knooooow. Do you know anyone who is engaged? Yes. Do you know anybody who is pregnant? Yes. I'm going to one's baby shower next month! What is your relationship status on Facebook? Taken. Would you be able to name everyone you’ve kissed? Yeah. Last person you watched a movie with? Sara, her dad, and I think her mom and one brother was with us? Who has the power to break you? I honestly hope no one anymore, at least not entirely. But Sara comes the closest. Favorite “little kid” movie? TLK. What are you listening to? WoW's Grizzly Hills music. :') Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Sara. Or Mom. It depends on the subject. Do you find smoking unattractive? Very. I think it says something about how much you care for your health. Have you ever just laid down outside and stared at the stars? Yup. Has anyone ever asked you if you were bipolar? I don't believe so. What was the last thing you looked up on Google? Types of rat cancer for that pet ailment question. We don't know with certainty, but that's likely what killed Tezzeret, brain or eye cancer or something like that. Do you lose interest in someone quickly? If you do something stupid, ha, bye. I can lose interest very fast but also slowly. Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Yes. Does your password have to do with a boy/girl? No. Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry? Yes. Think back to last year. Who did you like? Sara. How did you meet the last male you called? He's my dad so like- Ever been kissed on the leg? Maybe? What was the last thing you ate? Ham, cheese, and mustard on wheat bread. If you HAD to kiss someone right now, who would it be? Sara. Who was the last person you rode in the car with? Mom. Name some things you love about winter? NOT HOT AS FUCK, snow, frost, gingerbread, chocolate-covered peanuts, I can walk outside without worrying about ticks, my birthday, hot chocolate, looking at Christmas lights/decorations, nice tree designs, Christmas itself... I just love winter. Last person to hear you cry? Probably Mom. How do you feel about your relationship status? I love it. Only thing that could make me happier is if we weren't long-distance. Is it possible to be JUST friends with someone you wanna be with? I dunno. Have you ever been given roses? Yes. Would you ever sky dive? I don't think so. Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed? Sara's bed. If you dated someone that someone else liked, would you rub it in their face? Uh no, I'm an adult. Have you received a text message that made you cry? Yes. What do you think of your country’s education system? If you could change it, what would you do? WOULD YOU LIKE AN ESSAY????????????? I'd change a fucking load of things. If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go? No. Is there a celebrity that everyone else seems to love, but you find totally overrated? Why is it that you don’t like them? I'm not in a place to really answer this; I'm not knowledgeable of almost any celebs' lives. Think back to the last time you got really angry. Do you think your anger was justified, or did you act in an over the top way? It was fucking justified. If you could volunteer for any charity, which one would you choose? Do you think it’s more important to help humans, or are animal and environmental charities equally important? Probably one for the environment as far as volunteer work. We're absolutely annihilating our one and only home, and if we don't collectively get our shit together as a species, we're gone. I think both are equally important. Do you have any allergies? If not, what do you think the worst thing to be allergic to would be? Pollen. I think the worst of the ones I know would be any deathly-allergic food, especially those that there are traces of in many foods. What do you think of the term plus-sized in modeling? It is it empowering or demeaning? It's demeaning in its name. Just use "modeling" as the term. "Plus size" just makes it sound as if you're not a "perfect" model. Do you prefer holidays where you relax, or actually do things? Mmm, depends on my mood, honestly. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? No. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? Totally. Do you sleep in a bra? I feel very sorry for anyone who does. Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? Personally find Game Grumps or Shane Dawson the funniest people on there. Sprite or Mtn. Dew? I hate Sprite, so. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. What is the 10th picture in your phone/camera of? A picture of Roman as a kitten. :') Are you friends with someone who’s autistic? My niece is, if she counts. Has anyone ever walked in on you having sex? No. Have you ever had a Bic Mac? No. I don't like lettuce on burgers. What’s your favorite part about the holidays? Seeing how excited my niece and nephew are. How old is your television? Idk exact years, but we had it before the divorce, so it's been a while. Would you ever dye your hair an unnatural color? BITCH I always want my hair an unnatural color. Have you ever been to the zoo before? Yes. If you’re reading a book, what page are you currently on? N/A How many online accounts do you have? Or have you lost count? I've definitely lost count. Have you ever been to a convention? (comic, YouTube, etc.) A reptile one. Have you ever done a first aid course? No. Has anyone ever compared you to someone you don’t like? No, I don't think so. Do elevators freak you out? Yes. How do you find new music to listen to when you want it? YouTube recommendations or Spotify. What is the biggest difference between you and your best friend? OUR FEELINGS TOWARDS MEDICATION. YOU NEED IT SOMETIMES BABE. What is something most people are turned on by but you’re not? Penises in general. I'm still bi, but seeing a dick is just. Ugh they're just hideous to me okay. Is there anything you wish you had done with a current/previous significant other? No. Well, I'm curious how actually deep sex would feel, so I guess I kinda wish Jason and I went that far, especially now that I'll probably never have actual intercourse again, but. Oh well. What are the top three qualities that draw you to a new person? Charismatic, caring, and respectful. What job would you be terrible at and what job would you be good at? Anything dealing with customers; exposing animals to healthy human contact. Do you think that forgiveness is mandatory to move on from something? I think so, to fully move on. Name three things you would buy if you had the money to buy them? A PS4, drawing tablet, totally new and better camera. If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? Sara's reaction to seeing me in her room on her birthday. Her face was the most priceless thing ever. What did you think was cool when you were younger? Light-up shoes lmao. Who do you wish you could back into contact with and why did you stop in the first place? Megan. She lied about just about everything in her life for pity. When I finally called her out, she was so upset with herself that she like, fell off the face of the earth. Have you ever had a dream of stabbing someone? No, but rather Dad trying to stab me. What’s the most bizarre Horror movie you’ve ever seen? Idk off the top of my head. Would you ever take a Lie Detector test for your significant other? No, but only because I find them as bullshit. Especially as someone with anxiety, I'd be so scared of something showing as a "lie" to remain calm. Plus, a question may just prompt a memory or thought in you that shows up on the test or whatever but isn't related to lying, stuff like that. Ever had a forbidden love or lover? No. Do you like canopy beds? YES. I WANT ONE. If you could summon any animal to come to your rescue, what animal would it be and why? Ummm maybe a bear? They're tanks and super dangerous with their claws, teeth, and muscles.

[maevefiction]

Your Light in the Mist - Chapter 42

We left the Gold Coast on February 13th, returned home for two days, then were off again…first to Berlin for a screening of ‘The Night Manager’ with a Q & A session, then on to Vietnam, where shooting began the day after we arrived. The entire experience there was life-altering, in a way. The people, who were so kind, generous, and welcoming, and the locations, some of which had never before been filmed, were majestic and evocative of a land time had, to our benefit, forgotten…but most of all, the opportunity to immerse myself in a culture I had little knowledge of was humbling, and miraculous, and I made every effort to be out and about with every spare moment I had. When production wrapped in mid-March, Jordan announced that he was planning on relocating to the area, and I found myself just the tiniest bit jealous. There was such a sense of peace there, despite such a tumultuous upheaval in the not so distant past…a testament to the human spirit, our ability to keep pressing onward, to continue to live, and even thrive. A lesson in perspective, I suppose.

Tom was due in Los Angeles on March 20th for a photoshoot, so we opted to go directly there instead of heading home to London and then back out again. The 21st was booked with interviews, which would be followed by the official ‘I Saw the Light’ premiere on the 22nd. This was the first time I’d be walking a red carpet with him, other than the brief appearance at the Cube. Though Tom normally preferred the Beverly Hills Hotel, we were staying at the Loews Hollywood due to its proximity to the Egyptian, where the screening would be held, and Sadie’s Kitchen, the venue chosen for the after party. Our room was on the 15th floor, modern décor in shades of grey, white and burgundy, with a view of the Hollywood sign…currently packed with a team of stylists, garment bags and rolling racks making me feel like a sardine in a tin. Granted, a very lovely tin, but a tin nonetheless. Tom was almost ready to go, his bright blue suit complementing his eyes perfectly, black necktie offering a bold contrast to his white dress shirt. I was still in my skivvies, one of the gals taping me into my strapless bra ‘just in case’. Despite the opportunity it created for an epic wardrobe malfunction, I was totally in love with my gown. It was strapless with a sweetheart neckline, gradient purple, near black at the top, fading to pale lilac midway down in the front and plum in the back. The skirt was floor length and full, and both a portion of it and nearly the entire bodice were decorated with silver vines and leaves, cascading downward like a waterfall. I’d opted for dark purple heels, on the thick side because I figured there was less of a risk of tripping in front of the press line that way. Around my neck was my tourmaline necklace, and my hair had been pinned up in a loose bun. As I pondered what food choices awaited me at Sadie’s, the gal announced that my tits were secure and I was instructed to step carefully into the gown, zipped up, and released into the wild to fend for myself. Tom’s hands descended upon my shoulders as I inspected the contents of my clutch one final time, making sure I had a room key, my cell phone, tissues and a Snickers bar.

“You look gorgeous, as always.”

I turned my head to meet his gaze. “You don’t look half bad yourself.” He grinned, releasing me, and I spun around to get a better look at him. “Mmm. That is a nifty suit. To the left…to the right…where will…aha, LEFT. What’s that, eight out of ten or something?”

“I didn’t realize we were collecting data. Will the results be in the form of a bar graph or a pie chart?”

“A fifty page thesis, actually. Available for sale on Amazon. I figure we can fund our retirement with it.”

He laughed, interrupted by his phone chirping. “Car’s here. Let’s roll.”

“Walk. I’m going to walk. Probably. Rolling sounds like ‘a YouTube Star is Born’. But I suppose that could fund some shit too…”

We exited arm in arm, piled into the elevator with a bunch of other fancy people I didn’t know, then climbed into the black SUV waiting for us. It was still light out, the day bright and sunny. Our vehicle was sixth in line when we pulled up to the Egyptian Theater, and my jaw dropped at how old-school big-glam Hollywood it looked, the red carpet lining the courtyard, velvet ropes and press wherever I looked. It was far from my first rodeo, but it was the first time I’d be at such an event in the capacity of ‘movie star’s plus one’. A low whistle escaped my lips.

“Wow, so we’re like, really doing this. Surreal, Tom. Sur-REAL.”

He took my hand in his, pulling my attention away from what I could see outside the window. I smiled at the sight of the excitement written all over his face. “It is that, positively. And I’m…I’m…well, I’m like a live wire, Maude. Crackling and vibrating and super charged with energy because I’m not walking this one alone, you’re going to be right by my side and…” He let go of my hand, flinging both his up in the air and waving them around jazz-style as he grinned. “I. AM. UNCONTROLLABLY EXCITED!”

I leaned in to kiss his cheek, quickly wiping the lipstick I left behind away with one of my tissues. “My god you are just too cute. Does this car have a sick bag? Because the cute is going to make me barf, for sure.” I mock-gagged.

He continued to grin like a fool as he pointed to the window behind me. “We’re up! It’s time! Let’s go, my lady. LET’S GO!”

Before I could ask for a moment to get my shit together, he was out of the car, the roar of waiting fans greeting him as he ran around to my side and opened the door for me. I took his proffered hand and stepped out into the daylight, the roars growing louder, our names being shouted above the din by press and onlookers alike. As we made our way down to the entrance, Tom stopped to sign and take selfies as long as time would allow, and then it was time for us to strike a pose. The flashes were the worst part, a ceaseless strobing that made it very difficult to focus, but mid-way through my eyes and brain seemed to adjust and I found myself having a really good fucking time mugging for the cameras with the man of the evening. The interviews were a blast, Tom taking the lead and doing most of the talking, pulling me in here and there when it was someone he’d interacted with on previous occasions or mentioned my name. We were like a comedy improv team that sang on command, and by the time we made it into the actual screening I was totally high on fun. Not exactly the right vibe for such a serious, angsty, sad movie, but in the end I was grateful I went into it with a boost because the ended pregnancy talk scene was difficult to watch even though it was the second time around. There I sat, holding back tears with Tom’s hand in mine, shaking, and me rubbing his wrist with my thumb. As soon as the credits rolled we were ushered quickly to the car, and then it was off to Sadie’s. I was a very intimate setting, the décor an eclectic mix of woods, stones, metals and glass. The food was a bit too micro for my taste, and there were moments when I seriously considered grabbing an entire tray of hor d'oeuvres and making a break for the coatroom. Tom had been indulging in champagne all evening, and Rodney’s band was in the house, so I knew that it wouldn’t be long until an impromptu jam session occurred. I’d avoided going to the bathroom since we left the hotel, and the three sodas I’d guzzled made it impossible to postpone any longer. I kissed Tom on the cheek, leaving him with the drummer whose name I’d been given but could absolutely not recall and headed for the rest room. Fitting into the stall was the first hurdle, turning around was the second, and it actually got more and more complicated every step of the way until my hands were full of fabric and my ass was on the chilly seat. Figuring out how to wipe was the Rubik’s cube of the process, and I stared at the toilet paper dispenser for an untold amount of minutes. I heard the band begin to play Move It On Over, heard them finish, then start up with Long Gone Lonesome Blues. Tom’s yodeling snapped me out of my stupor and I bunched all the fabric in the crook of one arm, tore off the necessary quantity of sheets with my free hand and took care of business like a boss. As I thanked the gods for auto-flush, I unlocked the stall, dropped the fabric back in place and propelled myself outward…right into Lizzie, who was wearing a far more practical dress that wasn’t all floaty and poufy and just waiting for an accident to happen. She grinned.

“So? Enjoying the party? Or did you come in here to hide like, you know, I DID?”

I laughed. “So far, so good. Nice to know it’s not just me who seeks refuge in bathrooms, though. But this time it’s a legit visit. Which was terrifying.”

“Maude, there are more dresses in my closet that I wound up buying because they were unfit to return then I care to count. Wine, toothpaste, hair gel, lipstick, chocolate, things I don’t even know what they are and probably don’t want to…and lemme tell ya, I know all the best bathrooms for hiding in SO many cities all around the world. The private ones with really loud fans are just…” She sighed. “Perfection.”

Washing my hands, I nodded. “Oh yeah. Peace and quiet. If they only came with a Do Not Disturb sign…”

“Oh my GOD, there’s a bathroom in a restaurant in Toronto, I can’t remember the name but I know where it is, I can see it…damn…anyway, they HAVE that.”

“No they do not.”

She nodded, walking to the stall furthest from the door. “Yes they do! Best twenty minutes of my night a few years back.” Turning, she waved. “Okay, I’m goin’ in. If anyone’s looking for me…”

“I have no idea where you are.”

She blew me a kiss. “Bless you.”

As I re-entered the chaos, I was hit with an extra-loud, slightly slurred version of Hey Good Lookin’, and I couldn’t wait to round the corner and see Tom in action. And take a video. Which I’d totally post on Tumblr because surely it was something the entire world needed to see. The band had set up on one side of the dining area, which had been cleared of tables, and they were surrounded by cast and crew, some standing and clapping, others dancing. Tom was easy to spot, and as I worked my way through the crowd, I noticed that there was a woman hanging on him, her arm resting on his shoulder as she shimmied to the beat. She was waiflike, incredibly thin and tall, taller than Tom, even, in her white stilettos, her white mini dress so short I didn’t think it would be possible for her to sit down without putting on one hell of a show. There were triangular cut-outs at the waist, and her platinum blonde hair hung halfway down her back. Her eyes were huge, greenish-grey, and beautiful, the stand out component of her heart-shaped face with its perfect Cupid’s bow mouth. I’d never seen her before and had never asked him to point her out in the film, though I now recognized her from it, and as I registered that it was the woman he was terrified of running into, and that we’d forgotten the possibility of her being there, or at least I had, my heart began to pound in my chest. Claudia. Right there, in front of me, rubbing up against my fiancé.

As the song ended everyone cheered, and she placed her hands on either side of Tom’s head, turned his face towards hers, then kissed him squarely on the lips in far too intimate a fashion and for entirely too long. I heard a few gasps, but they were eclipsed by the roaring of my heartbeat in my ears, and I fought the urge to scream as I watched him gently push her away. He turned back toward the crowd, stone-faced, and when his mask slipped almost imperceptibly I knew he’d spotted me. I wanted to run, flee the scene, disappear into the night but this was a party full of his co-workers, part of the promo, and doing so would certainly hit the gossip rags in a flash and had the potential to damage the success of the film and so I stood, and I faked a smile as he walked toward me with the woman who possessed a cache of sex tapes starring them both at his side. Once they were two feet away, she opened her clutch and pulled out what I knew to be a hotel room key, as it bore the same logo as the one in my own. Her voice was a much higher pitch than mine, volume just loud enough for both Tom and I to hear when she spoke, pressing the plastic rectangle into his hand.

“Here’s my key. Panorama suite two. I’ll see you shortly.” She turned to me, smirking, then back to him, gesturing in my direction with her thumb. “You can bring her too, if you want, even though she’s not exactly my type. That giant cock of yours more than makes up for it.”

She grinned widely at me, then walked across the room, hair swaying back and forth as she rolled her hips, finally vanishing around the corner and into the hall that led to the exit after what seemed like forever. I heard Tom say my name, and I looked up, but I stared at the knot in his tie because I couldn’t look him in the eye. He took my hand in his, which I permitted, and after his first ‘good night’ it dawned on me that one, I should do the same because two, apparently he’d decided it was time to get the fuck out of there. As soon as we rounded the same corner Claudia had minutes earlier, I pulled my hand from his. Neither of us spoke then, and when he began to do so in the car, I silenced him with a terse ‘not now’.

The ban continued as we entered the hotel, and throughout the elevator ride. Once the room door was closed and locked behind us, I held up both hands, palms toward him.

“Tom. I’m going into the bathroom. I’m going to take this dress off. I’m going to take a shower. I’m going to try and calm down and return to some sort of quasi-rational version of myself. You are going to stay out here.” I could feel the rage bubbling up, words I shouldn’t say spilling out of my mouth. “Unless, of course, you’re planning on joining Claudia, which, FYI, I am NOT.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for that. That’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. I’ll be out when I’m ready.”

Once safely tucked away, I focused on each individual detail of every task. Zipper down. Dress off. Hang up the dress. Tape off. Bra off. Underwear off. Water on. Test water. Step into shower. By the time I’d dried off, I once again understood that the man on the other side of the door loved me, and that I loved him, and trusted him, and that we needed to discuss what had happened because there was a side to this story I’d yet to hear, and doing or saying or thinking anything without having that knowledge would be unreasonable. And wrong.

He was sitting on the floor, jacket and tie off, shirt unbuttoned ,back leaning up against the bottom of the bed with his knees up and his head in his hands. Hearing me pad across the carpet, he looked up at me, his forlorn expression shifting briefly to one of desire, which baffled me until I realized I was naked. Knowing that he wanted me in the midst of all this was strangely comforting, and empowering. I pulled a robe out of the top dresser drawer, wrapping it around myself as I walked to the bed and sat down, his body to the left of my own. His gaze was cast downward again, and I reached out and began rubbing the back of his neck, speaking softly.

“Will you sit with me and tell me what happened?”

He nodded, rising quickly and joining me on the mattress. His eyes met mine, and he inhaled deeply.

“I had no idea she’d be attending. I didn’t even think to ask. If I’m honest, I hadn’t given her a single thought in months, not until we watched the movie here, and even then the possibility of her turning up didn’t even cross my mind for more than a few seconds…and I pushed it away as me being paranoid. As soon as I started in on Hey Good Lookin’ I felt someone to my left, which wasn’t out of the ordinary as people had been all around me since we began playing, but the someone was incredibly close, and at first I thought you’d snuck up on me and were going to join in, but when I turned to look it was…her. And there I was, in the middle of a song, in front of everyone, and I wanted to stop and get away from her but…”

It was my turn to nod. “In front of everyone. I know that feel.”

He shook his head. “I told myself to remain professional, to keep going, and I thought if I pretended that we were filming I’d be fine. Then she…she…she kissed me in front of everyone, and I just couldn’t believe it and she just kept going and I wanted to shove her off me but that would have looked…and so I did it as normally as I could and the whole time I was hoping you were still in the bathroom but then I saw you…” He paused. “And when I started toward you she came WITH me and then the keycard and what she said…then watching you keep yourself together when I knew you were…I’m sorry. So, so sorry. If that kiss makes it online…my god. I’m sorry.”

His head was in his hands again, shoulders shaking as he wept, and I recognized that this experience had been so deeply traumatic for him that he didn’t quite realize it yet, his unconsciously focusing outwardly serving as diversion. I wrapped my arms around him and held him to my chest, stroking his hair until he quieted enough to listen. When he was able to look me in the eye again, I began to speak.

“Thank you for explaining. That’s essentially what I thought had happened, and, I’m very sorry it happened to you.” His left brow rose. “What she did was so completely inappropriate…I mean, that’s not really surprising, but…yeah. Is it okay if I go through my thought process here?”

He half-smiled. “Yes.”

“Obviously, there’s a component of jealousy. That hit me first. This beautiful woman that’s been intimate with you kissed you right in front of me, and you look amazing together, and she’s tall and blonde and skinny…and the way she presented the keycard to you made it seem like you had an arrangement, a plan in place. Most of way back here all what was going through my mind was that you’d been secretly contacting her and set this all up. But, then I reminded myself exactly who, and what, she was to you, and the jealousy turned primarily to anger, directed at her, but there was still enough jealousy left to generate some serious nastiness on my part directed at YOU. And, like I said before, I wanted to avoid that because it was likely baseless and unwarranted, the jealousy. So I showered, and I listened, and DAMN that anger is way worse now and you should probably keep that room key far the fuck away from me…” I took a deep breath. “Sheese. Again, I’m very sorry this happened to you. However you want to handle it, I’m here to help. Whatever you need, okay?”

He reached out to touch my face, letting his fingertips drag across my jaw and down my neck before grasping my hand.

“I wasn’t even thinking of anything happening to me. I was afraid of what you’d think, and…”

I entwined my fingers with his. “I know. And I appreciate that. We’ve been through some shit, my dude, and I’m a runner. Or, I was. Now…you’re more important than my internal bullshit struggles.”

A smile lit up his face, but it faded quickly, replaced with fear, then sorrow, then anger over the next several silent minutes as he stared at me.

“Maude, all I know in this moment is that I’m finished being afraid of her. I remembered what you said back in New Orleans, our options, and…well, it’s time, I think, for her to know that what she views as having the upper hand…isn’t. Not anymore.” He ran one hand through his hair. “So. I’m going up there, and I’m going to deal with this for once, and for all. Unless you think it’s utter madness to do such a thing.”

My mouth dropped open as my brow rose. “Oh, it’s madness, alright. But I like it. Hmm…”

He laughed, then poked my collarbone softly with his finger. “Ah, a plan is afoot, is it?”

“No. A plan is a plan. Not a foot.” He groaned and covered his eyes briefly, gaze returning to meet mine as I continued. “Okay. Several things to consider here. Ideally, you’d do this alone. Are you comfortable with that?”

“Well, yes and no. Going in, absolutely. But when I visualize reaction scenarios, I am concerned that a situation might arise that would result in an unfavorable outcome.”

I snorted. “Yeah, as in her recording the entire exchange and then heavily editing it to paint you in a…a…let’s go with ‘negative light’.” He nodded. “The hotel security feed would take care of pinpointing when you entered and when you left, but everything in between is up for grabs, and that’s not acceptable. Having a witness seems warranted, but who’s the witness? Am I the witness? Does my bias preclude me from being reliable in reporting the truth?”

Tom nodded again. “Likely, yes. But you’re the only witness available who’s privy to all the details of the history involved, and I wouldn’t trust anyone else to maintain any sort of confidentiality.”

This was something I had zero desire to participate in, for a multitude of reasons. It was pre-Maude, and in that aspect, none of my damn business. But since Claudia’s future actions could significantly impact my life, even if said impact was short-lived, that made it potentially my damn business. Then there was what I knew…what she’d done with him, and, far worse, what she’d done TO him. Unsettling at best, rage inducing at worst…in other words, I’d be walking into a situation wherein keeping myself in check was questionable, but of the utmost importance. And there it was, another lightbulb moment in the life and times of Maude Gallagher-soon-to-be-Hiddleston. I chuckled, and he stared at me, confused, head tilted to the side as he attempted to discern what was amusing.

I patted his knee. “I’m just laughing at my own stupidity, because I totally forgot that I’m a member of your PR team and thus have a rather valid reason to accompany you since part of the discussion will include…PR. And it ALSO gives me a reason to behave myself. Total coup, right?”

His arms wrapped around me, kissing first one cheek, then the other. “Oh, yes. Check mate.”

“No, that’s just the check. The checkmate is me recording the whole exchange on my phone, which will be tucked in my bra. Or somewhere.”

He pulled back, eyes wide. “Isn’t this a two party state? I recall you mentioning that…”

“Yeah. It is. But that won’t stop me from leaking it if the need arises. You know, someone could steal my phone at any given moment. It’s totally possible. I’m forgetful. I leave things behind ALL THE TIME…”

“Maude, you are deliciously fiendish. And I love you so.”

“Aw, thank you, baby. And I’m a total hypocrite, because I just admitted to being willing to do what I believe she shouldn’t. Anyway…criminal prosecution for this sort of thing is very rare. She could sue, of course. But I don’t think I care. Do you care?”

“I do not.”

“Cool. Hopefully we’ll never need to use it.” I rose, both hands finger-gunning in his direction. “Let’s do this.”

He stood, tugging at the fabric of my robe. “Should you dress first, do you think?”

I glanced down at myself. “Oh. Right. This is not one of my ‘don’t fuck with me’ ensembles.”

Snorting, he began re-buttoning his shirt. “Quite the opposite, actually.”

“Thomas. I’m struggling to keep a firm grasp on my professionalism. Cease.”

“Firm grasp, you say?”

I pretended to not hear him and searched my travel wardrobe for something that would work, in the end opting for black leggings, a fluffy, grey, oversize turtleneck sweater and my Birkenstock boots. As I caught sight of myself in the mirror on the way out the door, I decided my choices were just the right mix of business and badassery…but a V-neck would have made hiding the phone a whole lot fucking simpler.

****************************************

There we stood, outside Panorama suite number two, me turned away from the door with my shirt lifted and bra on full display as I wedged my phone into it and hit record. Tom and I exchanged a few words, and then it was Titty Time again. I was relieved to hear the playback was nice and clear and began another session, putting a finger to my lips to let Tom know we were on the record, so to speak. He knocked loudly, then even louder when there was no immediate answer. When he paused, a clicking that could only be high heels on tile was audible, its increasing volume indicating the wearer was travelling in our direction. The door swung inward to reveal Claudia, now clad in white lingerie, a lacy bra, bikini panties, garters and filmy white stockings, all paired with the same white stilettos she’d worn to the party. She placed one hand on her hip, smirking widely.

“Well, well, well. Hello, Tom. I expected you to turn up, but not…” A thumb with a fuchsia fingernail jerked in my direction. “…her. Not exactly a pleasant surprise, but, whatever. Come on in. I’ve gotten off with my vibe three times already but I’m still SO fucking horny. Just one kiss from you, that’s all it takes…mmmm…”

Tom held up a hand, palm towards her. “Stop, Claudia. Right now. Control yourself until we’re behind closed doors, for god’s sake.”

She bit her lip. “Oh my, someone’s feeling forceful. Must be my lucky day!”

We walked in past her, and she followed after closing the door and engaging the slide-bolt lock, stopping in front of the not-so-mini mini bar to face us.

“Anyone else want a cocktail before cock?” Neither Tom nor I replied. “Well I do. I need one. Who wears a turtleneck to a threesome? Christ.”

Tom’s jaw clenched, then released as he spoke. “I’m afraid you’ve misinterpreted the reason for this visit, Claudia. Hint, it’s not for a threesome. I’m only here to have a conversation with you, one we should have had quite some time ago. Maude’s presence is due to the fact that she’s a member of my PR team, and will serve as my advisor if necessary.”

She was stunned, silent, and the fingers she’d wrapped around a bottle of rum went white with the strength of her grip. When Tom noted it didn’t appear as if she’d reply, he continued.

“I’m not going to waste my time re-hashing the past, but I will say this…I made it abundantly clear that we were done when I discovered you were secretly filming our encounters. When I also made it clear that I didn’t love you, and pointed out that I’d never given you any reason to believe our relationship was anything more than purely sexual in nature, you threatened me. You threatened to provide a detailed account of our interactions to my family and friends, you threatened to publish all of the videos you’d made online, and you threatened to ruin my career and make my life a living hell.”

She’d done several double takes during his speech, looking at me, then back at him, then back at me, as if she couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that I might be aware that something had transpired between them. She finally relinquished her hold on the rum bottle, lifting her hands in surrender. “Tom, that was…I was…I just said all that because I was angry. I didn’t mean it.”

He scoffed. “Really? You didn’t mean it? Yet you accepted a million dollar payout from me?”

“I thought we had a future, Tom. Together. The money was like…alimony.”

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response, Claudia. What I want you to know is that from this day onward, you are to come nowhere near me. If for some reason we find ourselves at the same event or function, don’t approach me. Don’t speak to me. And most of all, don’t fucking TOUCH me. If you refuse to comply, I will not hesitate to file a restraining order against you.” He took two steps closer to her, his face now inches from hers. “Do you understand?”

She didn’t respond, and he repeated the question, his tone far harsher, volume ratcheting up five notches on the dial.

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Crossing her arms, she sneered at him. “You know, I still have all those videos...it would be such a shame if they went public and Maude found out what kind of person you really are…”

And there was my cue. I pulled Tom backwards and away from her, then stepped in front of him.

“Maude is acutely aware of the contents of ‘those videos’, Claudia.” Air quotes. I felt like an Office Space character for a second, and really, really wanted to tell her that if she would kindly fuck off and die that’d be great. “Opting to publish them is entirely your choice to make.”

Her laugh bordered on hysterical. “So you’re fine with ruining his career and making yourself a laughing stock? That’s cool. I’ll totally publish them then.”

I shrugged. “Be advised that there will be repercussions that will affect you personally and professionally if you choose to take such action.” She opened her mouth to speak, and I held up my hand to cut her off at the pass, my right index finger pointing up toward the ceiling. “First, since you’ll be violating the terms of the NDA you signed, a suit will be filed for breach of contract wherein we’ll be requesting both expectation and disgorgement damages. That means you’ll be on the hook for repayment of the one million dollars you received as a settlement, as well as any lost revenue Tom incurs as a result of the breach. Secondly, criminal charges will be filed under California’s Revenge Porn Law, which defines said revenge porn as the publication of nude photos or videos of a person one used to be intimate with, without their consent, with an intent to cause serious emotional distress. Each video that was filmed in the state of California would incur a penalty of a fine in the amount of $1000 and up to six months in jail…based upon Tom’s estimate as to video quantity, you’d be facing a prison sentence of up to ten years. Thirdly, and lastly, criminal charges and a civil suit will be filed for your violation of the Invasion of Privacy act. California is a ‘two party’ state when it comes to audio recordings of confidential communication in situations and locations wherein there’s a reasonable expectation of privacy. Audio that’s a component of a video is covered under this particular statute, and penalties include a fine of up to $2500 and a year in jail. Long story short, Claudia…do you want to wind up in jail? Because publishing those videos is how you wind up in jail.”

While I spoke, I’d witnessed her face first going pale, then gradually reddening until it reached a final almost-purple hue. She was shaking with rage, and I just stood there, certain she was going to attack me Dynasty lady-feud style. But she didn’t, pausing, instead to digest what I’d said as best she could and find a way around it. Her eyes, now more grey than green, narrowed as she spoke.

“My attorney will drag out your breach suit for years, and if you win, I’ll hide all my assets and file for bankruptcy and you won’t see a dime, ever. As for the rest, there’s no proof Tom never consented to filming. Same with that distress bullshit. My word against his. I’ll take those odds, and when I’m acquitted of all charges I’ll sue YOU guys for damages and take even MORE of Tom’s money.”

Raising my brow, I leaned in a little closer to her. “Tom saved all your texts and voicemails. Every. Single. One. They’re tucked away, safe and sound, on the very phone you sent them to.”

If Tom hadn’t been paying such close attention, the highball glass she picked up and threw would have hit me right in the face. He’d jerked both of us to the side, and the glass shattered when it hit the wall. With me in front of him, he propelled both of us toward the door at top speed, slid the bolt and pushed me out into the hallway, slamming the door behind him in the midst of the sound of more shattering glass and her screams of ‘get out, GET OUT’. We headed for the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator, rushed back to our room, entered and locked our own door, both of us unsure as to whether we were pleased, frightened, or a bit of both.

I reached up under my sweater to pull out the phone, hitting the stop button to end the recording. Tom placed his hands on my shoulders, eyes on mine.

“Are you all right?”

Nodding, I felt my mouth twist into a half smile. “That went better than I expected, honestly.” I stood on my toes and planted a kiss on his left cheek. “Thanks for rescuing me from death by assorted beverage containers. How do you feel?”

His eyes shifted down and to the side, then returned to my face. “Relieved. Like I’ve gotten some closure, and that I’m no longer at her mercy. The fear, the anxiety in regard to my past actions becoming public…that’s subsided significantly. But there’s trepidation present, resulting from her expression of violence towards you, which I’m not quite sure how to handle.”

I slipped my phone into his pocket as I wrapped my arms around his torso. “She just realized she’s powerless, and she was NOT happy about it. Probably best to let it go and hope she finds a new hobby. Or a good therapist. Or Jesus. Something.”

“Maude, if that would have hit you…”

“It didn’t, though. I’m fine, you’re fine, and…that was over the top, wasn’t it? Was she aiming for me? Or you? Or the wall? Wow, I’m kinda freaked out now.”

He pulled me to his chest, kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry. I knew her behavior as I experienced it was abnormal, and I shouldn’t have involved you.”

I leaned back, reaching up to caress his cheek. “You realize I knew too based on your description of your experience, yes? I’m glad I went with you. She would have spun that visit in the worst way possible, Tom, if the opportunity presented itself. Now she can’t, and I’m glad for that. As for the rest…we have a plan in place if she releases the videos, and we’ll follow through with it. She knows now that you’re no longer afraid of that happening, and that you’ll fight back, and I’m thinking maybe that will take all the fun out of it for her.”

A heavy sigh escaped him. “I hope that’s the case, my love. Truly I do. And I’m not going to dwell on it, because allowing her to diminish our joy is akin to giving her precisely what she wants, and she’s stolen enough already. This shop’s doors are closed. Permanently.”

“That’s an excellent way to look at it, Mr. Eternal Optimist. The doors are closed and the shop’s in the rearview as we travel the road ahead of us into our future.”

He simply stared at me, a small smile upon his face, his eyes once again full of all those things that made me both weak in the knees and disgusted with my sappy-ass self all at once. I rolled my eyes.

“Man, you’ve gotta lay off that adorable shit. We’ve got three months to go until the wedding and when you look at me like that…I just want to say fuck it and go find a judge and do it, like, right now.” Next came the tears shining, ready to spill over. “No. Oh my god, not helping, Tom. NOT. HELPING.”

He laughed. “I’m not even sorry.”

“Color me thoroughly unsurprised.”

“I’d rather color your inner thighs with love bites.”

“That can be arranged.”

Less than an hour later, we were spooning, and I felt his breathing change as he slipped into sleep. I lay nestled against him, wide awake until near dawn, trying to force myself to stop thinking about Claudia. Her actions seemed, as I reviewed the evening’s events, to indicate she hadn’t quite…let go. Far from it, actually. I wondered what she actually wanted, after so much time had passed. Was it more money? Was it revenge? Was it still…Tom? Was it all three, perhaps? And then I found myself wondering how far someone who behaved as she had tonight was willing to go in order to get it. Whatever it was she wanted. And it shook me, so I sang our wedding song to myself in my head until I calmed down, finally dozing off reminding myself that things which were terribly frightening in the dead of night were often immediately vanquished as nonsense by the light of day.

[iheartsurveys]

189

Hey, what’ve you been up to today? I’m off until Thursday when I start my new job, so I slept in, ran some errands annnnd yeah that’s pretty much it. Oh and I’ve been binge-listening to the podcast Serial’s first season.  I decided I should get in to podcasts since I’ll be commuting on the metro for work and may get tired of listening to my music all the time, so I started Serial just to see what it’s about and wow I’ll probably finish season one before I start work lol Do you like Chinese food, Mexican food, or American food better? It really depends on my mood... I crave Mexican the most though probably Is your TV HD? Yeah, aren’t most all HD these days? What’s your favorite thing to order from Taco Bell? I don’t eat Taco Bell.  I used to looooove their cinnamon twist things though, they were good What do you think of off-brand soda? Eh, I prefer brands, even if non-brand tastes the same

Do you save pennies? Not specifically pennies but I save change in general just because it’s good to have sometimes. Are there any windows in your room? Two What’s your favorite scent? I just answered this fairly recently. I have so many favorites...cookies, fresh bread, apples, currently super into balsam ~tis the season and whatnot Do you like hot, cold, or lukewarm showers?

It depends but typically hot unless it’s really hot outside, then lukewarm ish Do you know what all the buttons on your remote control do? Nope If you could house any pet, what would it be? Giraffes are very impractical to have as pets I think but ugh I’d love a giraffe.  I’m good with dogs though, even though Britt has a pup that I spend a lot of time with because we live together, and I see my home pups a decent amount of times a month, I still want my own dog :( def can’t since I’m starting this new job, at least not yet

Do you smoke cigarettes? Nah What about weed? Also nah Do you pluck your eyebrows? Yeah sometimes.  For a few years I didn’t get them waxed and just periodically tweezed but they got crazy so I’ve waxed them a few times in the last few months Do you keep your room clean? I try to but it does get messy as the week goes on.  I think it’ll be better now that I’m no longer working from home Do you carry a wallet or a purse? I carry a wallet in my purse Would you rather it rain or snow? Maybe snow.  Rain gives me migraines sometimes Dark hair or light hair? Dark Do you grit your teeth a lot? No but I think I clench my teeth in my sleep sometimes Do you like to swing? On a swing set, sure.  Not in a relationship lolllll How about jumping on a trampoline? I haven’t in a while but I enjoy it Do you like when it snows, or does it just ruin your plans? I liked snow when I was in school and it got cancelled, but now as an adult it’s kind of an inconvenience more often than not Do you like the taste of beer? Not particularly. I can drink some though Are you toe nails currently painted? Nope Do splinters really hurt as bad as people portray them to? Sometimes they do Have you ever had Vodka and Red Bull? Yeah as a shooter Futhermore, what’s your favorite energy drink, if any? I used to drink Red Bull in college but don’t anymore.  So none Do you have long eyelashes? Sadly not really.  They’re decent and can look pretty long with good mascara but naturally they’re just eh Do you have long fingernails? Yes actually, my nail beds are deep af.  I weirdly used to be super insecure about having long nails like even when I cut them they’re still a decent length...that was back in middle school though now I’m like fuck yeah my nails are great lol Do you have long arm hair? It’s a normal length I think? Do you shave your legs? Yes when I feel like it Is your hair healthy? My ends are kinda dead currently but I don’t want to cut it How often do you wash your hair? Every other day at least, sometimes longer than that depending on how it looks/what’s going on in my life Do you love Family Guy, or hate it? I’m not a fan Does your family put up Christmas lights? Not outside, no.  Britt and I may put some on our balcony though What third generation console is your favorite? PS3, Xbox 360, or Wii? Wii  Do you use a closet or a dresser to put your clothes in? I use both What do you think about guys who wear pink? Good for them who gives a fuck what color people wear it’s 2018 Which do you like better – carpet or wood floor? Wood looks better If you could have any car, what kind would it be? A Jeep, I like both the Grand Cherokee and the Wrangler.  I’d also die if I had an old VW van  Do you cuss a lot? Yeah a decent amount What religion are you? None really.  Raised Catholic and had communion but we kinda fell off the church wagon after that and now that I’m older I’m like hmm, idk what I believe tbh.  So that’s that Have you ever done drugs? No What kind? - What’s your favorite fast-food restaurant? Chick-fil-a Do you like kids? Some haha, some can be bratty How often do you like to have sex? I’m single, not in a friends w/ benefits situation & not casually hooking up with randos sooooo yeah I’ll keep ya posted when that changes lol Do you do your own laundry? I’m 24. So yes. Do you have a cell phone or do you use a house phone? Cell Do you throw shit under your bed? I have a under-the-bed bin with summer clothes/shoes and my printer under my bed and that’s it Are you any good at math? I mean, basic math yeah.  And I was good at geometry.  But the rest, nah Do you like Dairy Queen? Omg I looooove DQ Zoe and I always used to go senior year Are you currently in college? If not, do you plan on going? I graduated two and half years ago holy shit I’m getting old How the fuck are your grades anyway!? I did pretty well minus like 2-3 stupid classes...well 2 stupid classes the other I kinda dropped the ball on on my own but hey I didn’t fail any! I’m really annoyed though that I have these recurring dreams about school like the ones where I never went to class and show up for the final and I’m like omg I’m gonna fail! Or I have the “I missed the bus oh noooo” dream and yeah idk I dream about school a lot and hate it because I’m always stressed lol Do you skip school often?

Lol contrary to my dreams I did not skip all semester. I did skip on occasion, depending on the class/time of day.  Oh but actually senior year I took a 100 level international relations course that had over 100 people in it and we had 4 exams total which made up the whole grade, and the exams were open note, so I legit never went to class aside from the first one and for the exams and I did well 

[avengerleague]

‘Mimic’

Avengers x Female Reader

(Pairing: Steve x Reader)

Chapter 2: Three’s a Crowd but Four’s a Pajama Party

Summary: You and a few of the Avengers are quarantined after the events of chapter 1. You get to know Wanda and Peter a little better and after everyone goes to sleep, you talk to Steve into the early hours of the morning. Featuring Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Doctor Strange.

Word Count: 4346

a/n: Hello friends so sorry this took me approximately 3 decades to write but I’ve been super super busy with work before finals. It’s super long so I hope you like it, like I legit think its almost double as long chapter 1. I had a whole nother part that I thought was going to go at the end of this chapter but it was already so long so I decided to just make it its own chapter so that’ll come out next. Thanks for reading ily ily tell ya friends! (also in case you didn’t know, ‘six degrees of separation’ is a game where you have to connect one actor to another actor based on only movies people have acted together in. For example for John Krasinski to Chris Pine you could do John Krasinski to Emily Blunt in A Quiet Place, Emily Blunt to Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, and Meryl Streep to Chris Pine in Into the Woods.)

 Chapter 1   Chapter 3

--- 

“Hey kids, how was the drive up? Not too bad I hope. The flight was a breeze.” Tony walked into the lab room you were all in with a swagger that was unparalleled.

 After you, Wanda, Peter and Steve had arrived at the facility, you were escorted through a back entrance by people in hazmat suits to enter the lab through airtight doors and sealed tunnels. They put you in four separate but adjacent, clear, cube shaped rooms. The rooms were all touching so each of you shared two walls with two other people. Wanda was on one side of you, Steve was on the other, and Peter was diagonal. The observation cells were roomy, but vacant. Pretty much all each one had was a bed, a nightstand, a chair, and a door where food could be dropped off; however, it didn’t really seem like a come and go as you please type of situation.

 Steve walked up to the glass, “Let’s just say everything was much more convenient when we were still based in the city.”

 “Hey Mr. Stark,” Peter said raising his hand “I have a question.”

 “I thought I told you to stop it with the hand raising,”

 He looked at his hand and dropped it to his side. “Oh yeah, sorry. But I was wondering how we’re supposed to go to the bathroom since we’re, you know, imprisoned in glass rooms.”

 “Aw c’mon, you guys aren’t imprisoned, you’re just detained,” mocked Tony. Steve rolled his eyes. “And I think someone in a hazmat suit is supposed to come by every couple of hours to take you guys to a sterile bathroom or something. I don’t know, ask Banner. It’s his lab.”

 “I’ll be honest, this situation is not ideal.” Wanda huffed. That was a nice way to put it.

 “One more thing Mr. Stark,” Peter said, “I came here in my suit, it there anything else I could wear?”

 Tony grinned, “You know what? I have just the thing.” He walked across the room and opened a cabinet. He pulled out an Iron Man t-shirt with matching pajama pants. “How great are these, am I right?”

 “Yeah Mr. Stark, thank you…” That was obviously not Peter’s first choice of outfits.

 “You know what? You’re all getting them. You can hold onto them too. They’re yours. Cap you’re gonna look great in this. What size are you, small?” he put a pile of the clothes on a table. “Just get Bruce or someone to bring these to you guys when he comes back in.” He gestured a pair of finger guns and started towards the door.

 “Tony, wait!” Wanda called out and Tony spun around.

 “Yes dear?”

 She threw her hands up in exasperation, “Isn’t there a tv in here or something we could do to kill time?”

 “This is a laboratory, Wanda, not a play room.”

 “Oh come on, you’re Tony Stark!”

 “Yes, thank you. Why don’t you get to know our guest, do some team bonding or something? Sing kumbaya. That’s a thing people do, right?” with a flash of a smile Tony strolled out the room, leaving no time for a response.

 Your mind was completely blank. The past couple of hours had been such a whirlwind that you hardly felt like this was real life. You were locked in a room with three of the Avengers for who knows how long and nothing to do but sit in a chair and stare at the ceiling. Since for contamination reasons you guys had all been driven to the facility in separate cars, you hadn’t really gotten a chance to speak to anyone since Manhattan. You really wanted to get to know all of them but since you were the odd guy out, you were kind of hoping one of them would break the ice…

 “So Y/n,” Steve caught your attention from behind you, pulling up his chair and straddling it so he was sitting on it backwards, using the back as an armrest. You obviously didn’t know the guy, but it felt out of character; like he was trying to be edgy or something. “How in the world did you end up in the middle of that fight?”

 “You know, I was wondering the same thing.” You chuckled. You moseyed around the small area you were enclosed in and looked around. “I was just on my way back to my apartment when people started screaming so I went to check out what was going on and badda bing, badda boom, I’m in a glass cage next to Captain America in the Avengers facility.” You plopped down into your chair.

 “Badda bing, badda boom?” Peter raised his eyebrows. “Please. I saw you help that kid. You went out of your way to save him. It was awesome!”

 You shrugged it off, you were no hero, especially compared to them. “I was just trying to do the right thing; anyone would have done it.” You played with the hair tie around your wrist.

 “Except not anyone would have done it, because there were hundreds, literally like hundreds, of people who ran by that kid and didn’t do anything.” You glanced up at him and back down at your hair tie. “Well what about you guys? How did you all get there so fast?” you asked the group.

 “Steve and I were actually only there on business.” Wanda was sitting on the floor with her back against one of the glass walls. As she spoke, her eyes were trained on the chair – which she was levitating with her hands. That was going to take getting used to.

 “Lucky we were.” Steve chimed in.

 “And I was there because I live there.” You looked over to see that Peter was lying in a hammock made from his webbing. “Well in Queens at least, not Manhattan, but as you can see I have ways to get around. Speaking of, I gotta find a way to call my aunt and tell her I’m here, she’s gonna kill me.”

 “I seriously can’t believe you’re the spider guy!” you said, shaking your head in disbelief.

 “It’s Spiderman and what exactly is so unbelievable about it?” Peter put a hand on his chest in mock offence.

 You laughed, “No, I just mean ‘cause it’s awesome. But also, like if I saw you on the street I wouldn’t be like ‘that guy is for sure Spiderman’.”

 “Did you ever consider that maybe that’s the idea?”

 You thought about it for a second, “No,” you shrugged, and Wanda laughed.

 “But uh, Y/n,” Steve caught your attention. “Tell me about yourself.” He seemed genuinely interested. You had always heard that Captain America was such a nice guy and it really seemed like it was true. He was holding back a little smile and he had about the kindest eyes you had ever seen. And that isn’t even mentioning that he was completely beautiful and literally anatomically perfect.

 You opened your mouth to respond but before you could do so, the door to the lab swung open and a man who you recognized from the Avengers as Bruce Banner walked in the room. He looked nice, but also like he’d never been relaxed a day in his life; not at all Hulk-like.

 “Maybe later?” Steve said with a half-smile. You couldn’t wait until later.

 “Hey guys, sorry I took so long. I had to track down Strange and –” he looked behind him and saw that no one was following him. “He was just,” he peered back into the hallway. “He’s probably coming.”

 He made his way over to a cabinet. “We’ll have to start out by running a few tests and –” he opened the cabinet to reveal it was filled with t-shirts, posters, action figures, and mugs with Iron Man on them. He walked over to the wall and pressed a button, causing his voice to sound over the intercom: “Tony, would you please stop putting your merchandise in my labs?”. He walked away towards another set of cabinets when Tony’s voice came back over the speakers: “But Bruce, then I wouldn’t get to hear you complain about it.” Bruce rolled his eyes and began to rummage through a few other cabinets looking for something. He glanced up at you, “Sorry about Tony, he’s a bit of an… acquired taste.”

 “That’s an understatement!” Wanda interjected with her hands cupped around her mouth.

 “Anyway, I’m Bruce Banner.” He found what he was looking for and walked towards you.

 “I’m Y/n, Y/n Y/L/n.”

 “It’s nice to meet you Y/n. I’m sorry I can’t shake your hand but there’s the matter of the solid glass wall between us.”

 Peter snorted, “Oh come on Bruce, you of all people could break through this if you wanted.”

 “Steve too probably, since all he does is jump through plate glass windows.” Wanda teased.

 Steve massaged the bridge of his nose, “You two are too powerful when you’re together.”

 “Well actually this isn’t exactly normal glass.” Bruce continued, ignoring most of their commentary. It seemed like he had to be used to those kinds of interruptions by now. “This glass has been tested under hundreds of different circumstances that would cause most normal glass of the same thickness and size to break, and it held up. Including a trial with the other guy. So, you’re pretty secure.”

 “Or we’re pretty trapped,” Steve countered.

 Bruce shrugged, “Yeah.”

 Out of nowhere, a large orange circle began to appear in the middle of the lab, as if it was being drawn with a sparkler. With eyes bulging you looked from Avenger to Avenger to see if they had any reaction to it. They didn’t. Apparently, this was normal too. The circle got bigger and a moment later a man in a full hazmat suit stepped out.

 “I thought you were right behind me.” Said Bruce to the man.

 “I was, until I wasn’t.”

 Bruce scoffed it off and put what he was holding on a rolling tray table, walking it over to the man. “Y/n, this is Dr. Strange. He’s going to be running some basic tests on each of you and taking a blood sample.”

 Peter’s head shot up from he hammock, “Wait a minute, aren’t you not a doctor anymore or something?”

 Dr. Strange gave him a look that was Medusa level stone cold, “I’m taking your blood, not performing a craniotomy.”

 “Is the suit really necessary?” Steve said, flipping his chair around so that he was sitting in it normally with his forearms resting on his knees.

 “Sorry Cap, standard procedure.” Dr. Strange rolled the tray table towards the set of doors that led to your cubes.

 “Oh wait! One more thing,” Peter exclaimed. “While you’re out there, can you grab one of those pairs of Iron Man pajamas for me?”

 He looked over at the pajamas then back at Peter, “I suppose.”

 You’d been in these clothes all day and if you’d have known you were going to be quarantined for an undetermined amount of time in the Avengers facility, you would have worn something a little more comfortable. There was a lot worse you could be wearing than Iron Man pjs; “Could you actually grab a pair for me too?”

 “You know what? I could use some pajamas,” Wanda joined. “C’mon Steve, what about you? Three’s a crowd but four’s a pajama party”.

 “Thank you for the offer, but that’s gonna be a hard pass. The last thing I need is Tony walking around with a picture of me in pajamas with his face on them as his phone’s lock screen for the rest of his life. Because I’m absolutely positive that’s what would happen.”

 After grabbing the clothes, the doctor pushed through a couple of doors and a moment later he was clearing the airlock and entering your isolation chamber. He turned to move a few things around on his tray and before you knew what was happening, the legs of your bed grew a foot and a half like magic, so your legs were dangling off of it like a doctor’s office. Or maybe it was more like technology since you were dealing with a place Tony Stark built? But that guy did just walk into the room through a glowing circle that appeared out of nowhere…

 “So that portal thing was pretty cool,” you tried to break the ice. “Dr. Strange, right?”

 He pushed up your sleeve and wrapped the device around your arm to measure your blood pressure. “Yes.” He said not looking up from your arm. He was probably being short because he was busy doing your check up, but he seemed like a pretty to-the-point kind of guy anyway.

 You decided to keep trying. “Do you have a first name? Or do you just go by ‘Doctor’? Is ‘Doctor’ your first name?”

 He let out a small chuckle, no,  less than a chuckle. It was more just exhaling a little bit more through his nose, but it was something. “It’s Stephen.”

 “Stephen! Wow. Steven and Stephen: battle of the Steven’s,” you said glancing over your shoulder back at Steve, who seemed to be amused by your interaction. “So which one is the true Steven? Like the real Steven?” You looked back and forth between the two men. Dr. Strange unvelcroed the device and wordlessly tied a rubber tourniquet around your left arm, but Steve raised an eyebrow in thought. “Well, I was born first…”

 The doctor rolled the tray to the bed and situated himself in front of you. Without looking at anyone he said, “Well I have a PhD.” Both were irrefutable facts but there was something about a PhD that was an argument ending power move.

 “Yeah, also he can fly, and you’re just really fit.” Wanda pointed out to Steve.

 Doctor Strange picked up the syringe and stuck you with the needle to take your blood sample. Getting blood taken wasn’t normally your favorite thing, but you still had so many questions about this guy that you hardly noticed. “Alright but what about ‘Strange’?” You said making an air quote with your one free hand. “That can’t be your real last name.”

 Peter whipped his head around. “THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID!”

 The doctor glared at Peter, “Aren’t you like, 12?”

 Wanda burst out laughing.

 He turned to her, “And you--”

 She put her hands up in innocence, “Hey, I haven’t said one word about you today except to hype you up as the superior ‘Stephen’.”

 He cocked his head, “Yet.”

 “Yet.” She leveled with him.

 He refaced you. “Anyway, yes it actually is my real last name. As a kid I was made fun of it constantly, so I do realize how… unusual it is.”

 “YOU WERE ABOUT TO SAY ‘STRANGE’!” Peter exclaimed.

 Wanda nodded her head, “He was totally about to say ‘strange’.”

 You laughed at their dynamic and turned to Stephen. “I honestly do think ‘Strange’ is such a cool last name though. Especially combined with the ‘Doctor’. It makes you sound like…”

 “Like a party magician.” Steve took the opportunity.

 “You know what, I wasn’t going to say that out of respect for the PhD, but I’ll be honest, if I hadn’t met you yet Stephen and a magician had walked up to me and introduced himself as ‘Doctor Strange’, I wouldn’t have questioned the name choice for a minute.”

 “Why can’t I walk into a room in this facility without being berated about something?” Stephen questioned removing the needle from your arm.

 Wanda stepped in to answer, “We’re not targeting you Strange. Actually, the only person in this room who hasn’t been flamed tonight is Y/n, and that just because we haven’t known her long enough to find anything flame-wothy yet!”

 “Flamable.” Peter offered.

 “Anything flammable yet!” Wanda re-finished.

 Bruce popped back into the conversation, “Yeah that’s why I’ve been staying out of this as much as possible.” He said motioning to the isolation chambers. “You can’t say anything; the young ones go for the jugular.”

 Stephen put a cotton ball and a Band-Aid over where the blood was taken and put your set of tools on the bottom shelf in an airtight container. “Alright, I guess I’ll just have to start being mean,” he said pulling out what he needed to go to the next person’s room and tossing the pajamas onto your bed.

 Wanda’s eyes widened, “Start?”

 “Should you really be mocking the person who is about to come at you with a needle?” he warned, rolling the cart towards the door he had come into your cell through.

 She made a heart with her index fingers and her thumbs, “Love you!”

 --- 

After Bruce and Stephen left with the samples and scans (was it cool or creepy that they could take scans of you just from your being in the cube?), things had been pretty boring in the laboratory. Wanda had taken to levitating things around the lab, but there’s only so many times you can do that before the boredom overcomes you. Peter still had his webbing to play around with and he could walk on the ceiling and everything, but even that had gotten old pretty fast.

 You and Wanda had played a few hand games for a bit like sticks and concentration, but you had to change the way the games were played since there was a glass wall between you. Steve and Peter talked for a while, though it was mostly just Steve answering Peter’s ridiculous questions about things he’s done over the years. You tried to get everybody to play six degrees of separation but it hadn’t really worked out since 1) Steve still wasn’t caught up on movie pop culture, 2) Wanda was from Sokovia and hadn’t seen a ton of American movies until she joined the Avengers, and 3) for a teenage who lived in one of the biggest cities in the world, Peter was about the least cultured person you had ever met (how had he never seen The Godfather?). You’d played 20 questions and the few games that Tony’s weird voice robot, FRIDAY, had in the system and after a while, the night had eventually wound down.

 Peter and Wanda had gone to sleep a few hours ago so all that was left was you and Steve. You were still wired from the crazy day, and Steve said he sometimes had insomnia. As the lights dimmed to adjust to the other two going to bed, Steve had turned to you. “So, it’s definitely later, tell me about yourself. Take two.”

 You had sat against the corners of your isolation chambers farthest from the other two but right next to each other, so you wouldn’t make too much noise. You were pretty sure FRIDAY made their cells turn soundproof when they went to sleep, but you still felt weird talking at full volume. For hours, you and Steve were sitting on the ground like little kids, with your backs against the glass, talking. You were really only less than a foot away from each other; if the glass wasn’t there, your shoulders would be touching.

 You had been talking about everything. You’d started by telling him about the basics. How you’d ended up in the city, where you’d grown up, a little about your family, but quickly pushed the conversation to talk about him. There was nothing you could say that would be half as interesting as anything that had ever happened to him. You talked about recent events, what it was like being in the Avengers, and he told you about some of the members: their backstories, their personalities, and what they could do (“So Bucky has a cybernetic metal arm, that’s a long story. And Natasha was a Russian spy, that’s also a long story. Also Vision was created from this thing called the mind stone combining with the old version of FRIDAY called JARVIS, and he can fly and walk through walls and stuff. That one, I don’t even really know where to start”).

 He’d told you he has a running list of everything that he needed to catch up on, so you’d started giving him movie recommendations (“You can’t only watch good movies, Steve. I wholeheartedly believe that bad movies are just as important to forming our culture”). Your favorite part, though, had been the little questions. Things like ‘what’s your favorite color?’ or ‘tell me about your mom?’ or even ‘if you could punch any one person in the world, who would you pick?’. You each must have asked dozens, if not hundreds. Talking to him came so easy that the hours were flying by. You we’re joking with each other and telling secrets and it was just so comfortable. He would yawn and stretch his arms and in the dim light his cheekbones looked razor sharp, you only wished the glass wasn’t preventing you from reaching out and touching him. Your eyelids were heavy but how on earth could you close your eye on this perfect person?

 Steve’s eyes turned up and he whispered to the air “Hey FRIDAY, what time is it?”

 “It is 2:13 a.m.” the voice responded.

 “Wow, 2:13.” Steve said, shaking his head in disbelief. He turned back to you. “We’ve been talking for hours.”

 “I know, it’s insane” you laughed softly. “You know what else is kind of insane? This—FRIDAY.” You motioned in the air.

 “Yeah, I’d definitely say it takes some getting used to.” Steve sat up from the glass wall and scooted his body, so he was sitting crossed legged, facing you.

 “You know what it reminds me of? Did you ever see—Never mind, there’s no way you could have seen it. But there was this Disney Channel Original Movie when I was growing up called Smart House and it was like exactly like FRIDAY. Well not exactly but you know.” You turned and mirrored the way Steve was sitting. “Anyway, long story short, in the movie the house basically tries to become the family’s mom and obviously chaos ensues. There’s this iconic party scene and I’m pretty sure there’s like a tornado or something in the house at one point, and its great, you have to watch it. Add it to your list.”

 Steve chuckled, “Alright, well I’ll definitely add that to the top of the list.”

 You pointed at him “You promise?”

 He put his hands up faux-defensively, “I promise.” There was a moment of comfortable silence. He looked down into his lap, then off to the side. “Now, I don’t know how early Banner is going to be back in here, so I’d better let you get some sleep.” Steve stood up off the ground.

 “Okay but don’t say ‘you’d better let me get some sleep’ like I haven’t also been talking to you non-stop for 4 hours,” You laughed, standing up.

 Steve smiled and walked over to his bed, “Goodnight Y/n.”

 You smiled back, “Goodnight Steve.”

 You sat on your bed and tied your hair up with the hair tie on your wrist. You normally had no problem ending your nights by watching Netflix or reading a book, but ending your night talking to Steve Rogers for hours certainly wasn’t too bad either. You laid down, pulled the covers up to your neck, and turned onto your side.

 “Hey Y/n,” Steve whispered, and your eyes fluttered open. It was now pitch black in the room and you couldn’t see him as you suspected that FRIDAY had adjusted the lights since everyone was in bed.

 “Yeah?”

 There was a pause. “Would… you want to watch it with me?”

 You thanked god that it was so dark that he couldn’t see you blushing and grinning. ‘Watching Disney Channel Original Movies with Captain America’ sounded more like an answer on a dating game show than a real thing that could happen in your near future. And how insane was it that Steve would even want to hang out with you in the first place? You felt butterflies just thinking about it.

 “I can never say no to a good movie,” you replied. You settled into your bed and snuggled into your pillow to, hopefully, dream about Steve Rogers.

--- 

You were awoken when the lights in the lab clicked on, sensing somebody walk into the room. In through the swinging double doors came Bruce, Tony, and Stephen. You sat up and sleepily rubbed your eyes. Considering this was just a bed in a cell in a laboratory, and you had gone to bed so late, you had gotten a pretty good night of sleep. Part of that could be due to the fact that you had been talking to dreamy dreamboat Steve Rogers for hours before you went to bed. You looked over at Steve who apparently (and god bless) slept shirtless. Was it possible that he looked even better after he’d been asleep for hours and had serious bed-head? You know what? Not only was is possible, you were sure he did. He looked back at you and sent you a soft smile as he ran his hand through his hair. You smiled back and quickly turned back to the men who’d just walked in. You really needed to get better at staring at people.

 Wanda pushed herself up onto her elbows, “Three geniuses walk into a lab…”

 Tony leaned on a counter. “Well I know I’m a genius Wanda, but these guys?” Stephen and Bruce both shot him glares, Stephen’s a little colder than Bruce’s. You didn’t think Bruce really had it in him to be all that cold to anyone.

 “Let’s not play this game Mr. Stark,” Stephen said, still glaring at Tony.

 “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to push any buttons Doctor, what was it, Weird? Doctor Weird?”

 “Anyway,” Bruce said, stepping between the two men. “We have some good news and some neutral news.” Now that caught your attention. “What do you want to hear first?”

 --- 

Chapter 3

---

Tagged Blogs:

@avengerleague

@thewhinersoldier

@breeisnotamazingx

@writings-and-stuff

[chelmsford6]

If You Want To Improve Your Chelmsford MA Home Try These Things

Being a Chelmsford MA homeowner is quite rewarding. It means you get to incorporate your own personality into a home. This is your home and you need to be assertive and make the changes that you want to make. In this article, we present good advice on home improvement.

Do not underestimate the amount of work that a project is going to require before you begin. Making a list of all your expected tasks and requirements. You may also want to get an additional opinion to ensure you didn't miss anything during your assessment. You can save more money if you are clear about everything that needs doing.

If you are updating or improving your kitchen and will be working in the vicinity of a fireplace or gas line, it is extremely important that you shut off the gas before starting your project. The utmost care must be taken in these situations. A fire could damage you and your efforts in any project.

Tailoring pillows to suit a teenager's tastes is not that hard. You can use old t-shirts with neat designs, band shirts, or even jeans to cut and sew into pillows. This can add personality and lighten the mood in a young teenager's private space. If you plan on hiring a company for your project, it is vital that you ensure they are legit. Using a company without an address is not a good idea, since they are likely not reputable and probably too small. Stick with companies that are reputable and reliable.

Before applying paint or stain to something made from wood, smooth the surface with sandpaper and wipe the object with a tack cloth or damp rag. Using a sandpaper that is fine will make it smooth. Wiping it off removes dust which could leave bumps behind.

Keep any small jars (like baby food jars) for use in organizing your space. You can use screws or super glue to attach these jars underneath a shelf. Small things like nails and screws, beads or jewelry making supplies can be stored in these jars. Twist the jars into the lids back under the shelf. This will help maximize your space and efficiency.

New fixtures such as handles and knobs for your cabinets can brighten up any kitchen. An old kitchen can be brightened up by using cabinet knobs, which are easy to change. This is the perfect time to give the cabinets a thorough cleaning and is easier to do while you have the hardware removed. All you have to do is screw the knob on and you're all done.

When you're planning to tackle a major renovation job on your own, you can still benefit from a little professional expertise. Write extensive notes on the work you plan to do, and ask a contractor to review them for you. One missed step during the planning stage can result in shoddy work which can lead to a much more costly renovation project.

If you have owned your Chelmsford MA home for a while, or newly acquired it, you may feel that it is time for a bit of updating and work. The tips from this article will help you on your home improvement journey.

Looking to sell your Chelmsford, MA home? Contact Shannon Anderson, a ChelmsfordMass realtor from Your Way Real Estate

[jonasmaurer]

a taste of the Big Apple

Hi friends! How are you? We’re back from an amazing girls’ weekend to NYC. Liv has been asking us to take her for years and since I had a companion pass that expired in January, we decided to go for it.

We left Friday morning and got into LGA around 10pm. We were both hangry so we literally had a midnight snack at the hotel: avocado toast for her and a turkey burger with sweet potato fries for me.

We stayed at the Hyatt Centric in Times Square. I did a little bit of hotel research and chose this one because it had awesome reviews, a great location, and wasn’t bananas expensive. It’s close to lots of shops, restaurants, Times Square (obvs) and the theatres. We got an AMEX platinum card earlier this year – we use a few different cards for miles and points – and wish we would have enrolled sooner. It is AMAZING. You get awesome perks and benefits (like free entrance into many airport lounges for yourself and 2-3 guests) and the travel benefits. I booked our hotel through AMEX travel and the rates on the site were much lower than the other rates I found online. You also get free hotel upgrades upon arrival (they upgraded us to a bigger room on a higher floor), early check-in, late checkout, and hotel credit at certain hotels. We got a $100 credit, so room service twice was free. I’m not affiliated with AMEX in any way, but if you’ve been scoping out the platinum card, my referral link is here. We loooooove it. 

After our midnight snack, we crawled into bed and woke up the next morning ready for a full day of adventure. After a quick breakfast, we spent some time walking around Rockefeller Plaza, hitting up the enormous American Girl store, LEGO, and FAO Schwartz. We walked over to the New Amsterdam theatre for our first show: Aladdin.

TBH I didn’t have super high hopes for Aladdin. We’ve seen the animated version at least a thousand times, the live-action version a handful of times, and while I love Disney and LOVE Broadway, I didn’t know if I’d be thrilled with it. (I was just trying to find some kid-friendly shows that Liv would enjoy so she’d fall in love with Broadway forever.) I was thrilled with it. It was so different from the animated version and the cast was insane. The genie. You guys, the genie is a pure masterpiece of a human. He’s hilarious and incredibly talented. Friend Like Me was maybe 15 minutes long and I never wanted it to end!

Interesting fact: the man who played Jafar is the SAME GUY who voiced the animated character. He was also brilliant. The whole cast was wonderful and I loved that they made it a little different (and way more entertaining) than the animated version. 

After Aladdin and our lunch of popcorn, M&Ms and skittles, we dropped all of our shopping goodies off at the hotel, added some layers (beanies, tights under our pants, and gloves), then walked over to Bryant Park to spend the rest of the night ice skating and exploring the Christmas shops. 

(That’s a waffle with Nutella, marshmallows and strawberries)

Bryant Park is one of the many things that makes me want to live in NYC. During the holidays, it’s magical. There are little shops and food stops surrounding the ice skating rink. (Pro tip: get your ice skating tickets online so you can book a skate time in advance and avoid the giant line.) We had dinner at Fever-Tree because it was heated – it was chilly! – and then skated for 2 hours. Liv was a bit apprehensive at first, but within 20 minutes, she was skate-RUNNING around the rink and I was chasing to catch up with her haha. Let it be known that I managed to avoid falling by some stroke of luck.

Saturday morning, we had hotel room service while we got ready:

(they had banana almond meal pancakes that were fantastic)

and then caught a cab to the Museum of Natural History. This was my first time at this museum and I was blown away by the exhibits. The animals and dinosaurs were massive and we walked around for 2 hours, jaws on the floor pretty much the entire time. It was really cool to explain some parts of history to Liv that she hasn’t learned about in school yet, and I learned a lot of new facts surrounding cultures, animals, and their habitats. I’d definitely pop it in the “must-do” list for NYC with kids. (Note: I bought our tickets online in the cab on the way there and it was another easy way to skip out on the giant line to get in.)

We walked around in Central Park for a little while, and then caught a cab to the Gershin Theatre for Wicked.

Wicked is one of my favorite musicals of all-time and I was really hoping that Liv would love it. As soon as it ended, she told me she wanted to see it again. I’ve seen it maybe 8 times now and don’t ever think I’ll be sick of the story or the music, and I think that this Elphaba was my favorite one.

Here’s a little video of her singing for morning enjoyment.

    (Fun Broadway tidbit: I went to high school with Ben who’s the phantom on Broadway and was in a couple of shows with Sean who’s starring in Beetlejuice. He was Captain Hook when we did Peter Pan and I was a male pirate— a glimpse into the future for how our respective acting careers would transpire lol.)

After Wicked, we were ready for dinner, so we walked over to Don Antonio’s for the best pizza of our lives. They make legit Napoli-style wood-fired pizza, and the gluten-free pizza was like REAL PIZZA: doughy and briny and perfect.  

Liv loved the margherita pizza and we also shared a fresh salad with arugula, balsamic, and tomatoes.

During dinner, we talked about how much we loved the show and both agreed we wanted to see another one. So, we ran down to TKTS and got cheap 5th-row seats for Frozen. I felt very similarly about Frozen as I did to Aladdin (not on my personal “must watch” list but really wanted to pick shows Liv would be into) and ended up loving it. They also had some small twists to the story and the cast was fantastic.

We walked around Times Square, enjoying the commotion and the lights, and came back to the hotel around 11. 

Monday morning, we caught our flight back to Tucson! It was a whirlwind of a trip – and we really only had two full days there! – but I think we absolutely lived it up. The best part: Liv is already begging the Pilot to let us move out there.

It would be pretty easy for him to fly out of LGA or JFK, just sayin’.

I thought I’d share two things that made this trip way easier:

– This inflatable booster seat. While I wouldn’t use this for daily transportation, it’s perfect for traveling. Let it be known that I’m the person that sucks at blowing up balloons (it takes me like 20 years), but I could inflate this in 20 seconds. It gave Liv the perfect little boost in the taxi to and from the airport and also to and from the museum on Sunday. Since I had it with us, it also made the perfect booster seat for our shows on Sunday. (They offer boosters to the kiddos but they go quickly for matinees. It was convenient to have our own!) It folds up and fits in your backpack, and I just carried it in our shopping bag that day.

– These boots. (Most similar one is here!) Easy Spirit reached out to see if I’d like a pair of shoes. I usually delete or decline free product offers because I feel like it’s wasteful and sometimes brands request multiple posts about their $20 salad spinner or whatever and I’d rather just buy and share what I like… but I thought these were cute for winter. Most of my boots aren’t very comfortable for all-day walking, are too fancy, or too high. I ended up wearing these every day we were there, fresh out of the box, and no breaking them in. (Yes, a risky move.) I liked that they were cute enough to wear to a show, but comfortable enough to walk around in all day, and didn’t give me a single blister. Wins all around.

(with these jeans, this jacket <— on sale, and this sweater)

(with these jeans and similar sweater)

I really enjoyed a special weekend with Liv and had such a wonderful time with her; something I’ll always remember. I think NYC is still a bit too much walking for P and the shows might have been a tad long for her. Also, since her eardrum ruptured she can’t fly again for a couple more weeks.

She had the best weekend with the Pilot and it was fun that they got to spend some time together. He took her to Chuck E Cheese, jumping at Get Air, to a birthday party, and to Friendsgiving at Kyle and Meg’s house. I missed that little goose so much!!

Now we’re back in town with the fam and I’m starting to get pumped for Thanksgiving. This morning, I’m off to tackle my exploding inbox and get some work stuff done before a fun crafting party with friends.

Have a wonderful day and I’ll see ya soon!

xo

Gina 

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[cameron-allen]

Nadira: New OC

Name: Nadira

Name meaning: Exceptionally rare and hard to find. A nicer scientist lady named her because Nadira is the first and only.

Gender: Straight Cis Female

Family: None. She is a mutant, the only one of her kind ever to have existed

Default verse: Normal/modern/realistic (ex: Sherlock BBC verse)

Height: 5'3"

Hair: straight, chin length/Bob, no bangs, dark blonde with highlight streaks

Skin: light tan

eyes: amber with gold flecks

Wings: Bird-like. deep auburn like an eagle on outer wings with streaks of gold. creme inner wings with streaks of black. She does not alter her clothes. Instead, she opts for a larger size for a comfortable fit and wears a backpack at all times to disguise the extra bulk. Yes, her wings are fully functional and are capable of making Nadira fly.

Super powers: flight via wings. Legit, that’s it. No gills, no telepathy, no telekinesis, no immortality, no etc. Just flying by use of her wings. Nothing supernatural or spiritistic about her at all.

Personality: Quiet, reserved, cautious, self-conscious, observant (by sheer necessity), and the silent brilliant type. She does not trust easily, and understandably so. Animal lover and ‘whisperer’.

Home: out in the country, surrounded by hills and woods. Somewhere she can stretch her wings- literally. She has a private hidden cam and security system installed connected directly to her phone so if she is stretching her wings and someone comes, she can quickly find a safe place to land and make herself presentable soas to evade detection.

Job: Professional photographer

hobbies: Reading, photography, flying, being at one with animals and nature

likes: promises kept, trees, untouched land, flying, the color blue, all animals- almost, soft words, gentle actions, her personal space

dislikes: being touched, shirts and dresses, the city, people, cages, handcuffs, chains, scientists, anything medical related, snakes, spiders, liars, violence, sudden movements, harsh/loud words

~∞~

Nadira is the first and only homio-avian mutant, achieved by rogue scientists in Togo. The government caught wind of the illegal experimentations when she was 15. In the midst of the chaos of the bust and not wanting any evidence left behind, the head scientist uncaged Nadira and told her to go and not to be seen. Not wanting to wait to be told twice, she flees for the trees and then flew high and far.

Her life as a runaway mutant teenager was difficult, she found. She was forced to start her free life as a thief to get clothes and food. That first month was especially hard until she learned about: money. It took another month or two for her to grasp how, exactly, money works. This knowledge armed her with what to steal, and how to both buy and sell. She was determined to become independent of thievery.

Through this, she picked up cameras, magazines, and thus, photography, something she fell in love with.

She never went to school, but she was taught things like math, science, and reading. And she does love to read whenever she can. It is how she learned the majority of what she knows.

Nadira does not trust anyone to know of her wings. The scientists had made it clear that no one must know because of whag they might do to her. She also is smart enough to kmow she never wants to be found by them again. Not after she had tasted relative freedom for so many years now. The thought of being caged or chained again without the option to fly off for safety is terrifying.

[liifegambler]

Tagged by: @underoosed​ <33

Tagging: IDK ANYONE WHO WANTS TO TBH, if you’re reading it and wanna do it, just say i tagged you pLS 

RULES : answer the questions in a new post and tag some blogs you wanna get to know better !

A  -  AGE :   28 B  -  BIRTHPLACE :   california C  -  CURRENT  TIME :   9:30 am D  -  DRINK  YOU  HAD  LAST :   water E  -  EASIEST  PERSON  TO  TALK  TO :   janni, em, sam, tiger, jean, taylor, skye, blythe, cosmo uHMMMM like so many ppl tbh?? legit all my partners that i talk to and stuff are super wonderful and sweet and chill so <33 F  -  FAVORITE  SONG :  this changes all the time tbh like i have favoriteS but i can’t think of just ONE that’s been the one forever; my taste is really all over the place lmao -- been jammin a lot to ‘southern nights’ by mr. glan campbell lately tho (lots of hamilton, disney, bruno mars, awesome mix, panic! at the disco and harry styles lately) G  -  GROSSEST  MEMORY :   uhMm i legit got no clue *eyes emoji* H  -  HORROR  YES  OR  HORROR  NO : horror yaH! i’m not big into gore for gore’s sake or cheap jump scares but i dO love a good horror movie (rare as they come)  I  -  IN  LOVE ? :   with oscar isaac? yes, yes i am. J  -  JEALOUS  OF  PEOPLE :   not really?? i mean i have moments where i’m like “man i wish i looked more like that” or “man, i wish i could do that” or idk lil things like that? but i just move on past it pretty quickly so it’s not a huge deal K  -  KILLED  SOMEONE :   that’s a weird question.... L  -  LOVE  AT  FIRST  SIGHT  OR  SHOULD  I   WALK  BACK  BY  AGAIN ? :   you gotta slap me in the face and tell me cause i’m never going to assume that anyone is interested in me lmao i meaN i may get heart-eyed myself, but if ur feelin it you GOTTA TELL ME, SHAKE ME M  -  MIDDLE  NAME:   that’s for me to know and you to find out (if you really care that much) N  -  NUMBER  OF  SIBLINGS :   one younger brother O  -  ONE  WISH :   to be able to live life w/o having to worry about money EVER P  -  PERSON  YOU  CALLED  LAST :  mom Q  -  QUESTION  YOU’RE  ALWAYS  ASKED :  i’m legit drawing blanks lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ R  -  REASON  TO  SMILE :   animals because they always make me happy, dumb jokes/puns, good friends, my funko collection, travel ! S  -  SONG  YOU  SANG  LAST :  be our guest (yeah, that’s right i often jam to disney tunes on my way to work) T  -  TOP  3  FICTIONAL  CHARCTERS :  rick grimes, poe dameron, leslie knope (and a billion others i’m 100% sure buT YOU MADE ME PICK 3) U  -  UNDERWEAR  COLOR :   white V  -  VACATION : take me back to australia pls -- sad thing is i wanna spend a couple weeks AT LEAST there, but lol @ me thinking i could get that much time off work ever =__= W  -  WHEN’S  YOUR  BIRTHDAY :  january 12 (29 next year, RIP me) X  -  XRAYS :   haven’t gotten any in a long time *knock on wood*  Y  -  YOUR  FAVORITE  FOOD :  pasta alWAYS, my mom’s shepherd’s pie, or like good chips/salsa i could eat for forever Z  -  ZODIAC  SIGN :  capricorn *~