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facets-and-rainbows · 5 years ago

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Blue Exorcist 10th anniversary book Q&A session

The 10th anniversary book has a section where Katoh answers 100 questions submitted by fans on Twitter, so here they are translated/paraphrased! May contain manga spoilers up to the recent flashback arc, so be warned.

(Note that I’m playing it very fast and loose here because there are A HUNDRED OF THEM, so not exact wordings, but it should capture the gist. Lemme know if there are any you want elaborated on)

1. Katoh likes the feel of traditional drawing more than digital but is impressed with how far digital has come

2. Meph THOROUGHLY ABUSES spacetime to watch all his shows and ensure that he gets all the merch he wants

3. Did the girls take all of Yukio’s school uniform buttons in middle school? Yes, they did (apparently it’s like A Thing for girls to ask for a button from their crush at middle school graduation, based on some sad movie from the 60s where a guy who got drafted as a kamikaze pilot gave a girl one of his uniform buttons to remember him by)

4. Rin's tail is about a meter long

5. There are tons of servants working at Mephisto's mansion. Belial is in charge of them

6. Katoh borrows from all sorts of neat real locations when making settings

7. Katoh identifies with pretty much all the characters the most! Except Lucifer.

8. Demon designs she's proud of include the impure king and hachirou, pretty much anything that was the main one in an arc

9. Katoh lists a bunch of her favorite musical artists/music she’s listening to recently: King Gnu, Official Hige Dandism, Kenshi Yonezu, BAD HOP, Sakanaction, Keyakizaka 46, Hypnosis Mic, Aimer, B’Z, Queen Bee.

10. Awww the rabbit manga that characters are often reading isn't just Robo to Usakichi, it's an even older one that she drew as a little kid

11. She likes industrial style interior designs

12. Rin and Yukio alternated who got the top bunk growing up, because they couldn't agree on it lol

13. Katoh cares a whole lot about panel layouts and speech bubble positions, might even be her favorite part of the process (it shows!)

4. Katoh does NOT have a mashou, lol

15. Rin has probably been practicing in secret so he can learn to carry stuff with his tail

16. Izumo probably got into shojo manga around 1st grade, her mom had some around the house

17. Specialty dishes: Rin - lots of stuff but especially nabe Yuri - stuff you can throw together quickly Shiro - stuff he learned from Yuri and/or cookbooks, alongside teaching Rin Yukio - Does. Not. Cook.

18. Can't pick a favorite place she's been on research, but there's no place like Japan

19. Kinzou's band isn't currently meeting because demons, but he's probably still thinking of new songs

20. Hardest characters to draw: anyone with detailed flowing hair. Hardest to write for: Lightning and Gedouin. She had to go read books about serial killers specifically for material for Gedouin, lol

21. Suguro actually gets a dorm room to himself, though allegedly Yukio is technically assigned as his roommate, lol. Didn't end up that way what with Yukio being a teacher and also Rin’s whole...situation

22. Shiemi makes some of her own hair accessories! Cute

23. Katoh doesn't mind if you include stuff with fan letters but check with the editor first

24. Time for making each chapter: Planning/storyboarding: 1-5 days. Sketching: 3-5 days. Drawing/inking: the rest. Just...the rest of the time

25. Neither Suguro nor Izumo have dated before and neither is currently dating. But that's probably just because things were hectic for them! It could happen

26. Yukio breaks 5 or 6 pairs of glasses a year, someone get this kid a strap or something

27. How many spare glasses does Yukio have? Check the fanbook lol it's in there (dang it Katoh)

28. The demon she wants us to pay the most attention to is Lucifer. Because plot.

29. What's under the Order's big meeting table? It's a BOTTOMLESS PIT and if you fall in it you DIE that's what makes it COOL (laughs)

30. What are the job requirements for the angelic legion? Literally just Arthur liking you and inviting you to join

31. She WANTS to do more character profiles but just hasn't gotten to it

32. Rin's tail feels like a cat tail, texture wise

33. The "red Assiah fire" is literally just actual fire nothing special

34. Rin's current hair color is light blue fading to white at the ends

35. Thoughts on Rin's growth: she likes that he stays positive in awful situations and she also thinks it's very main character of him to face the past instead of avoiding it

36. Mephisto didn't purposely surround Rin with stuffed animals when he woke up after going crispy. Mephisto's bed is just Like That

37. Kurikara was based on a cool sword she found in a sword book, but that one was technically just a ceremonial sword. The symbol on it us a Sanskrit letter kaan (sp?) associated with Fudou Myouou

38. Kuro can communicate with normal cats and hangs out with them often

39. Sometimes Shiemi's skirt is extra fancy around the hem what's up with that? Apparently it's an optional accessory that comes with the skirts help I haven't noticed this and don't know any fashion terms in any language

40. When coloring, Katoh always tries to have an overall theme in mind ("emphasis on blue" etc) so it comes together in the end

41. Yes the twins are genetically related to Shiro because of Goro (she says they're like his nephews but I say GENETICALLY at least they'd be indistinguishable from his children)

42. Strongest mom of all the strong moms around here? Yuri! Did you SEE her give birth??

43. Are you careful about your own health Katoh-sensei? Not particularly! Her mom has had to bring her food at work sometimes! Don't do this at home kids

44. At the dating events Shura goes to, does she drink cocktails in moderation? Yeah, she probably downplays her normal drinking habits at these things. But normally she's down for just about any kind of drink

45. Lucifer just really likes oysters okay

46. How many pages of manga does Katoh draw in a day? If she's being good about self-care: three. Maximum number ever: TEN

47. Mephisto is one of those folks who can eat like a garbage compactor and never gain weight. Possibly because his body resists that sort of change the same way it resists aging etc

48. First food Rin cooked: fish burger type patty. Yukio's favorite things Rin cooks: fish simmered in soy sauce, yellowtail with daikon radish. It's fish all the way down

49: Did Rin ever get more monthly allowance from Mephisto? It doubled! He gets TWO 2000 yen bills now (rip) [T/N: That's uh, that's USD $37.26 a month or 33.10 euro]

50. Why isn't Rin more popular with the girls? He gets nervous talking to them, plus he's too oblivious to notice even if he DID have some fans

51. Why change Suguro's hair? She gets bored with keeping everything the same, and she wanted a visual representation that he was getting serious and going into kind of a training arc

52. Things Katoh pays extra attention to when drawing: trying to capture the feel of whatever she's drawing (like "that looks warm and soft" or "I bet that guy stinks" cough Lightning cough)

53: Does Rin take after Yuri more? (He's got her eyes!) Katoh tried to draw Yuri so she looks like both twins. Personality, too - Yukio has her smarts and Rin has her optimism

54: Do you ever wanna be like Mephisto? Well she'd like to be able to get away with just ANYTHING EVER, but no, let's not be like Mephisto

55. Konekomaru not only carries around a cat toy in case he meets any cats, he MAKES cat toys to carry around based on what he thinks the cats would like

56. How'd you come up with Shima? Go read the fan book!

57. Do the kids have Twitter/Instagram accounts? Rin - probably not. Konekomaru might be on some social media. Paku and Izumo are totally on instagram

58. Is there something Rin makes that you wish you could try? All of it! That's the whole idea! He's good at cooking!

59. Will we ever have a (G-rated) reveal of what ALL of Mamushi and her family's tattoos look like? Maybe! She'll think about it

60. Does Arthur have a repertoire of different hairstyles? Not really, he just puts some of it up on the top. Heck he might even have people to do that for him

61. If you wrote a shojo manga what would it be about? She'd have to do a lot of research before even coming up with a story, since there are so many style differences between the genres aside from just the subject

62. The other two of Mephisto's top 3 favorite foods: Cup ramen and....f-fried bubblegum?? Is that a THING???

63. Where do you start when drawing a character? Usually the outline of their face but if it's a complex pose/composition she'll start with whatever's in the foreground (like hands)

64. If Katoh could have a familiar, what demon would she choose? Mephisto. As the all-powerful author, she might actually be able to command him as a familiar!

66. If you swapped Yukio and Rin's relationship around what would change? not much, you'd pretty much have Rin going to the Illuminati and Yukio going to the past

67. Top 3 foods/souvenirs to try in Kyushu? Well she doesn't know what’s good CURRENTLY but when she was there she always used to like burdock tempura udon, hakata torimon (a kind of manju with white bean paste inside), and Chikae style cod roe. today I learned Katoh went to high school in Kyushu

68. Katoh listens to music a lot while she's storyboarding, then when she and the assistants are all drawing and inking they put various videos/movies and stuff on in the background

69. For all his hitting on girls, is Shima actually popular with the ladies at all? He's got enough girls in his life that he probably COULD find a girlfriend if he really wanted, but the double agent thing tends to get in the way. He still wouldn't be as popular as Yukio though (side thought/translator’s note: Shima would be proud of being number 69.)

70. Katoh has the ending planned out in a big-picture way, but there are still a few details here and there that she's fretting over

71. It's cute when the boys put their ties over their shoulders when they're working on something! Where'd that come from? She just figured a tie might get in the way and that seemed like a realistic way to get it out of the way

72. Looks like Yukio is getting some facial hair! What about Rin? They're both about the age for it, but maybe Rin can't grow a beard yet. Maybe a little peach fuzz here and there

73. Katoh's favorite blue exorcist merch? There were some exorcist licenses a while back, and the exorcist pins. Basically it's really cool that these little accessories she drew ACTUALLY EXIST NOW, LIKE YOU CAN HOLD THEM IN YOUR HANDS

74. Okay realtalk how long do we have left, I don't want the series to end yet? We're solidly in the second half by now but it's not, like, ABOUT to end yet

75. Katoh would be a Knight meister, based on what characters she likes to play in games and such

76. How many people in the whole exorcism cram school? More than you think! She doesn't give a number but apparently licensed exorcists also attend classes for new meisters, etc, so there's a wide age range attending

77. How's Arthur feel about, like, studying Taming on the way to becoming Paladin? He's at least mostly accepted that you have to use demons to fight demons effectively

78. Konekomaru started wearing glasses in his first year of middle school, so like 7th grade (more recent than I thought!) He has one spare pair, in contrast to Yukio lol

79. Katoh's current obsessions? Ghost/scary stories! She's even been going to live readings of them recently

80. Media Katoh consumes for inspiration? A wide range of foreign teen drama, horror/suspense, shojo manga, light novels, anime, etc. Special focus on things where two boys are in conflict or there are brothers involved

81. If they weren't exorcists what jobs would they have? Rin - chef. Yukio - doctor. Shiemi - uh, florist?

82. Inspiration for the design of True Cross Town? Katoh and her assistants gathered up a bunch of references, picked out stuff they felt matched the tone, and mashed them all up together

83. Did you use any references etc for the school/exorcist uniforms? She says she probably should have but she just kind of made them up before publication

84. Favorite part of drawing? For color pages, picking out a color scheme. For black and white, drawing in all the little details (though she doesn't always get time to lately)

85. Once again confirms the demon kings' weird hair is a representation of their horns. ADDS THAT PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SEE DEMONS CAN'T SEE THE WEIRD HAIR

86. Now that Yukio's at the Illuminati, where's he gonna get his Jump SQ and spare glasses? Well he probably never planned to stay for long, but hey it's a big ship and they might have an optometrist and/or newsstand there

87. Do you base the demon characters on any references etc? Not really, she just gets a general idea of popular demon designs and then makes up her own in her own style

88. Merchandise Katoh personally wants to have made: stuff that an adult could just use in their day to day life. Also, it's not gonna happen, but if her favorite figure brand made AoEx figures she could die happy

89. If Beelzebub's host body was a beautiful woman, how would Shima react? Would the womanizing win out over the bug phobia? Katoh replies that Shima would probably just faint from being near a girl that pretty, before the bugs even got involved

90. Will the twins ever get to smile and eat dinner together again?? We'll just have to wait and see!

91. What do you check at a "scenario check"? what's a scenario check man I dunno They check for people being out of character or the setting feeling off. They had a lot of these checks for the anime, but they also do them for the drama CD, games, and all that other stuff where multiple authors are involved

92. Why does Shura use baldy as an insult for people who are clearly not bald? She feels like they have some kind of metaphorical, mental kind of "baldness" and she's calling them out on it. Whatever that means

93. After Blue Exorcist ends, what do you want to draw next? She has SO MANY IDEAS, SO MANY

94. Did Katoh make up the Shinto chants that, for example, Izumo used against Gedouin? They're assembled from bits of actual Shinto prayers according to what feels right in the scene

95. Yukio reads the Jump SQ, right, and, just hear me out here, he likes gag manga, right? Does this mean he reads Salaryman Yukio? It's something he would read, but let's say that in the AoEx universe there's just a very similar manga that he finds oddly relatable

96. What do Yukio and Shima do in their free time on the Dominus Liminus? oh my god you guys this ship has so many amenities. Yukio probably spends time reading in the library, which they totally have. There's also, like, a gym, and a movie theater, and a THEATER theater, all of which are free. Shima probably hangs out at the pool (!) and goes to the movies, and hits on illuminati girls, lol

97. Easiest character to draw? The ones with boring simple hair, lol. Lightning gets an honorable mention for ALSO not having eyes in most shots, but Rin wins--he was specifically designed to be easy for Katoh to draw because that's what you want in your main character

98. How do demons understand gender? They just possess whatever feels like the best match to how they feel in Gehenna, whether that's a man, or a woman, or a rat, or whatever

99. Where do you start when you're coming up with a story? She starts with character design and how the characters relate to each other. Currently she's just continuing an existing story, so she works on splitting up the overall plot into episodes and fleshing it out with scenes and information about characters

100. When do you feel most happy? She honestly feels like she lives a very happy life overall. Mentions noticing a lot of little things, like how nice her cats' heads smell when she cuddles them or taking a nice cold refreshing drink of water. There's happiness in everything. aww.

#blue exorcist #interview #Ao no Exorcist #translation

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dollsorwhatever · 5 years ago

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Rainbow Raver: An analysis

Alrighty guys, let me start this off with a quick note: Nothing about this post is in defense of Isaac Larian, the CEO of MGA Entertainment- Isaac’s tweets and accusations at Amina of StudioMucci are objectively indefensible and laced with racially charged insults. I’ve pretty much always thought of him as a shit person so he can get fucked and I have no desire to even think to defend him. This post is entirely about Amina Mucciolo and whether or not the LOL Surprise doll Rainbow Raver (from Hairgoals wave 2) could have potentially been based off of her work- more specifically her hairstyle- and if she is, is that wrong or even legal? Full analysis below the cut (it’s long as hell)

Let’s get started. Amina Mucciolo’s first post with the hairstyle in question was on November 23rd, 2018 (this being the first time she had ever posted with this exact color scheme, as per the caption of the post):

As per the Amazon listing description for Lol Surprise Hairgoals Wave 2, the collection’s official release date was June 12th, 2019:

This collection had also leaked in early June, prior to the official release on Amazon, both via Taobao listings and by Target releasing a few cases prior to the street date on accident. In doll and toy design, it typically takes 12 months or more to take a doll from the original concept sketch----> production and retail sale. There are less than 6 months between Amina’s first post and the official release of Hairgoals Wave 2 on Amazon, fewer if you account for the actual manufacturing times and the leaks prior to official release. In order for MGA to have stolen Amina’s hairstyle for Rainbow Raver, they would have had to:

-Start an original design sketch -Proof and revise the sketch multiple times -Create a physical prototype of the design

-Source the materials and choose the colors of Rainbow Raver’s hair and clothing, then approve a factory sample out of potentially hundreds of samples

-Then finally, mass manufacture the doll for retail sale. Something else to note is that Rainbow Raver is one of TEN dolls in Hairgoals Wave 2:

In order for MGA to have stolen Amina’s hairstyle for use in Hairgoals Wave 2, they would have had to stall the release of the other nine dolls, which all come in a single case, with the exception of EDM BB- the doll sitting next to Rainbow Raver- which was the Ultra Rare doll of the line and only came in every second case. Rainbow Raver, however, was sold in every single case of Hairgoals 2. (I would know, I got 4 of her out of 6 individual Hairgoals capsules I ordered on Amazon in June of 2019 lol) In order for them to stall the release, which was timed alongside several other LOL Surprise releases for Fall, they would have had to risk losing several million dollars and push back every other release for 2019- thus throwing off their entire release and production schedule, and potentially ruining their relationship with retailers by not providing the stock they ordered on time.

It is logistically impossible that MGA would have been able to steal Amina’s hairstyle and produce a doll in 6 months, then insert her into a collection of nine other dolls.

But wait, there’s more. In July 2019, MGA released the next collection of LOL Surprise dolls- The Winter Disco Lils collection:

This collection was comprised, almost entirely, of lil siblings for the dolls in Hairgoals wave 2..including Rainbow Raver’s Lil Sister:

So not only would MGA have had to delay the release of Hairgoals wave 2 in order to manufacture a doll based on Amina Mucciolo, they also would have had to delay the release of Winter Disco Lils- which I’ll also note, is one collection in a 4-part Winter Disco line for 2019, which also would have been delayed had MGA stolen Amina’s likeness for a single doll.

IN CONCLUSION: It is quite literally impossible for MGA to have stolen Amina’s likeness for this doll in the timeline needed for this to have happened, both from a production standpoint and a financial one.

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Now! Let’s take a look at MGA’s design portfolio to see how they could have produced this doll without Amina’s hair as a reference:

In 2004, the Bratz Tokyo A Go Go line was released:

This line features colorful fashions, references to Japanese pop culture and....multicolored micro braids, even in pigtails:

I happen to have this entire collection and every doll has multicolored micro braids rooted into their hair, but I’m going to cite Fianna since her hair is the most similar to Rainbow Raver’s in that the micro braids are placed in the exact same manner- symmetrically rooted across the middle of her parting:

And Rainbow Raver’s hair:

One thing to also note is that Fianna also comes with two braids hanging loose by her face; this is notable on the stock pictures of the doll (I pulled the tendrils back on mine).

Now let’s look at some other MGA dolls through the years with similar design features, to establish that Rainbow Raver’s aesthetic is incredibly common for MGA dolls. I’m gonna go with the most notable ones because jeez there’s a lot. Bratz Live in Concert (2005):

Photo credit to Max on Flickr Brightly colored streaks, references to Japanese pop culture, pigtails. Bratz Action Heroez (2013):

Bratz Twisty Style (2013):

Bratz Study Abroad Cloe (2016):

Note the colorfully-streaked pigtails and clear vinyl skirt, which is also a design featured on Rainbow Raver’s outfit:

Bratz Music Festival Vibez Jade (2016):

Yet another vinyl skirt, rainbow leggings, reference to music festival clothing (which is what Rainbow Raver is inspired by)

Also to note is that this collection was designed by some of the the same people that are currently on the LOL Surprise team.

LOL Surprise Hairgoals Wave 1 Splatters doll (November 2018):

Rainbow Surprise doll: Rainbow Dream (2019):

Rainbow Dream features a hairstyle based in teal, with rainbow streaks throughout:

Clearly, rainbow streaks, micro braids and pigtails and rainbow striped clothing have been staples in MGA’s designs for well over a decade at this point. So now that we’ve established that it’s all but impossible for MGA to have stolen Amina’s likeness for this doll, let’s ask:

Do companies use real-life people and artwork as inspiration in the design process?

I can tell you now, with absolute certainty, that toy companies DO use pictures of real people and artwork as inspiration and references for designs...just as almost every other company does, and that includes Studio Mucci.

Whether you think it’s wrong to use outside inspiration when designing a product or piece of artwork is up to you. I’m inclined to think you probably don’t think it’s wrong, unless you believe that everything you love, every TV show and every piece of artwork, came from a vacuum without external inspiration and references. It totally didn’t by the way.

Is it legal to use outside inspiration, including photos of real people, as references for product design?

Unless the product point-blank copies a trademarked logo or design, yes.

None of the featured similarities between Amina and Rainbow Raver can be trademarked or copyrighted, and Amina cannot claim teal hair with rainbow streaks, or rainbows in general, as her Intellectual Property.

I’m going to end this post by saying that I feel for Amina. Black creatives are so often stolen from, undervalued and ignored, and it’s frankly irresponsible to expect a normal person to know this much about toy design schedules, and it’s even more irresponsible to expect a normal person to have a catalogue of every MGA toy release logged in their mind- heck even most doll collectors don’t think about this stuff.

And once you add in that MGA had hired her to do content for them, that even further cements the belief that they’d stolen her work.

But no matter how easy it is to believe that’s what happened, it’s factually impossible and Amina was just wrong on this one.

I think the official LOL Surprise statement was sufficient at providing a basic design timeline for people that probably don’t understand how long it takes to make a doll, and was incredibly respectful of Amina’s work and humanity.

Isaac Larian’s subsequent comments were disgusting, racist, and completely lacking in empathy for Amina’s feelings.

I hope Amina can move on from this, and that Isaac Larian learns to keep his big mouth shut- at least, after he issues a public and private apology to Amina personally, considers making a sizable donation to BLM to make up for the horrible things he said.

Thanks for reading.

#Lol surprise #rainbow raver #mga entertainment #amina mucciolo #studiomucci

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captainmarvels · 7 years ago

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wicked games [6]

Summary: A relationship’s survival is dependent on communication. What happens when you find out Tom’s only manner of communicating is nonexistent?

Pairing: CEO!Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: Dry humping, substance abuse; minor violence; excessive use of the word ‘fuck’.

Word Count: 7,253 [I seriously can’t stop myself]

A/N: Oh. Did I forget to mention this series was a slow burn? || Dedicated to @stvharrington because this series and I would be nothing without her.

series masterlist

Casual.

That’s all it needed to be.

That’s all it was.

Right?

The rest of your visit to Optimo went well. Ana came in shortly after you and Tom had finished making your mark on the place, so to speak. She took in your measurements over your clothes, making you stand on the same pedestal Tom had used earlier that evening.

“I am going to need you to take off everything except the undergarments you have on now. I will be back in just a few minutes. As for you,” Ana turned to face Tom, who looked away from his phone to meet her stern gaze. “... you know the drill. No peeking.”

Tom nodded, grinning as she patted his shoulder, leaving the two of you alone once again.

“No peeking?” You asked, looking at him through the mirror.

“Usually I don’t come to these appointments, but when I do, I do like to maintain an element of mystery and surprise, you know?” He had made his way over to you, his hands settling on your hips as he met your gaze in the mirror.

“You can - you can stay, if you’d like,” You mumbled, your eyes falling away from the reflection as you played with the hem of your shirt. You felt him squeeze your waist, his lips pressing a kiss to the back of your arm.

“Only if you want me to, darling. You sure you want to ruin the fun?” You snuck a peek at him over your shoulder, catching a glimpse of him raising his eyebrow as he smirked.

“Thought you said we were reserving the fun for later?” You giggled when he rolled his eyes, dropping his hand to squeeze your ass.

“I’d love to put that pretty mouth of yours to work again, darling. Don’t tempt me,” He whispered. You hummed at his words, turning to face the mirror as you felt his arms snake around your waist, toying with the waistband of your leggings.

“Now, you heard Ana. Strip.”

Nodding, you gasped quietly as Tom pushed your hand away, his own hands gently pulling your pants down your legs as you watched. He let them pool at your ankles, his fingers barely brushing against your smooth skin as he stood up.

His hands came up to your waist, carefully pulling your shirt up and off of you; taking his time as if he were savoring the moment. Tossing the clothes on the chair next to him, you watched his hands wander over your body. His eyes studied your figure in the mirror as his fingers traced over the delicate lace of your lingerie, as if he were seeing it for the first time.

“Do you pick out the designs for the new lingerie you buy, or…” Your voice trailed off as you met his gaze in the mirror. Tom smiled, shaking his head as his hands fell away from your body. You mentally cursed yourself for saying anything at all, your skin already missing the warm touch of his hands.

“Sometimes, but not always. My taste is more on the… simplistic side of things. I tend to leave it up to personal choices and wants when it comes to this. Did you have anything in mind?” He ran a hand through his tousled curls, his eyes memorizing every single one of your features as he licked his lips.

“How do you feel about red?” He perked up at your suggestion, eyes wide and teeth digging into his lip. Just as he was about to answer, Ana entered the room, rustling sheets of paper and measurement tape in her arms.

“What did I say about peeking, Holland?” Her attitude was stern, her hands resting on her hips as she looked at you both. Tom blushed, staring at the ground as he clasped his hands behind his back.

“I want him to stay… if that’s okay?” You spoke up, your cheeks hot with embarrassment as you stood there, practically naked in front of a woman old enough to be your grandmother. She glanced over at Tom, who nodded, agreeing that it was your idea.

“Fine. But only because I like this one, mister.” This one?

You didn’t have much time to ponder over Ana’s phrasing as she gently moved Tom to the side, her cold hands splayed all over your legs, stomach, and back as she took in your measurements for just about everything - garter belts, underwear, bras, and you were pretty sure she mumbled something about a corset along the way.

Once she was done, she motioned for both you and Tom to follow her back to the drawing table at the center of the room.

“These are some ideas I drew up based on what we had talked about over the phone. Let me know what you like and don’t like, and if there’s any changes you want to add. I’ll be right back,” She hurried off without another word, leaving the two of you alone to scan over her meticulously detailed outlines.

The designs were astounding and breathtaking - the lace details were better than anything you had ever seen before; so simple, and yet so elegant. You noticed she had scribbled in specific colors for the sets: black, only.

You were beginning to figure that Tom’s favorite color had to be black; why else would all his clothes, his entire office, and probably his apartment, be decorated in black and white monochromatic layouts?

“Darling,” Tom’s voice, soft in your ear, pulled you out of your thoughts. His hand was resting on the small of your back, a small smile on his lips as he looked at you. “You mentioned something about red earlier?”

“Oh, yeah. I uh, was thinking… it’s my favorite color, so I’d love to maybe have some of these in red, too, if that… if that’s okay?” You bit your lip, tapping your fingers against the hardwood surface as Tom nodded.

“I love that idea. I’ll let Ana know - are you sure you don’t want to request anything else while we’re here?” You shook your head, rubbing your arm as you felt a slight draft enter the open space. Tom only nodded, leaving you alone as he flashed you his phone, mouthing “be right back,” as he stepped out of the room.

“What do you want now?”

“Hello to you too, bro. Mum and Dad want to know if you’re bringing anyone to dinner tomorrow night.” Harry did nothing to hide his annoyance as he spoke. Tom rolled his eyes, glancing back towards the room where he had just left you alone.

“No, unless you want to tell them I’m with Harrison.”

“Funny; never would have pegged you for a bottom. Or pegged you at all, for that matter.” He snickered from the other end of the line.

“You’re disgusting, Harry.”

“Oh God, you don’t know the half of it, mate!”

“I’m hanging up now, twat. See you tomorrow, unfortunately.”

“Oh c’mon, you know you never get tired of seeing this beautiful face. See ya.” The line went dead, and Tom held out as his temptations begged him to smash the phone to complete ruin.

“Not today,” He muttered, running a hand through his hair as he took a few deep breaths, calming himself down.

You were combing through the designs while he was gone; Ana was beyond talented, and this was just everything on paper. You were beyond excited to see how they’d look once they were brought to life.

Ana’s words resurfaced to the forefront of your mind as your thoughts wandered off.

“Only because I like this one.”

What could she possibly have meant by that? The obvious answers in particular came to bear anxious weight. Tom’s definitely brought other girls - other interns? - here before, most likely to get their lingerie measurements taken. You wouldn’t be surprised if that were the case; you were more than aware that he had definitely had a relationship like this at least once before.

You just didn’t want to admit it stung just a bit more than it should.

“So, anything I need to know before you leave?” Ana’s voice popped your bubble of concern, alerting you of your surroundings. Tom magically appeared on the opposite side of the table, his suit jacket draped over his shoulder.

“I want double orders of everything, in black and red. I’ll send other specifications over by the end of the week.”

“Sounds perfect. A pleasure meeting you, sweetheart,” Ana pulled you into a tight hug, a small squeak leaving your lips as she squeezed you tight. Tom chuckled at the sight, smirking when you glanced at him. “... and a pleasure seeing you again, Holland. Stop disappearing all the time, alright?”

She had rounded the table, pulling him into a hug as well. You could tell he was slightly uncomfortable; his face was flushed as he quickly pulled away, running a hand through his hair with a slightly nervous expression written over his face.

“I’ll do my best, Ana. Have a good night.” He came over to you, wrapping an arm around your exposed waist as she left, waving goodbye.

“Please get dressed before my impulses get the best of me, darling.” He whispered in your ear, squeezing your hip before stepping away. You shivered at the short moment of contact, quickly crossing the room to grab the clothes from where Tom had placed them earlier.

Finally dressed, one of the various staff members of the shop guided you back out the way you had entered. Tom’s driver was waiting for you in the exact same spot, as if he had never left. This time around, Tom let him do the gentlemanly work, leaving you alone in the back of the car while he rode upfront. He flashed you a small smile before facing the front, leaning over to say something to the driver.

Next thing you knew, the divider was rolling up, leaving you in complete, isolated darkness.

“Martha, I need you to make sure the room I had set up last month is clean and prepped. I’m bringing someone over. Also, pull out the liquor from my birthday.”

Ending the call, he released a deep sigh as he closed eyes.

“Is she the girl you were telling me about yesterday?” Tom looked over at his driver, slowly nodding.

“Yeah; Y/N. Works as an intern at the company,”

“Doesn’t seem to be your type, boss. She’s… the complete opposite of all the others. Not to be rude, but,” He shrugged as Tom rolled his eyes.

“Thanks, Nicky, but I got the idea. Focus on the road, yeah?”

At some point during the somewhat long ride, you fell asleep. You woke up at the sounds of hushed whispering outside the car, followed by a streak of bright light striking your face. Groggily sitting up in the backseat, you bit back your tongue as you looked out the window.

You were pulling up outside one of the most luxurious buildings on this side of the river, the massive structure looming over the rest of the city. As you took in the rest of the area, you realized you weren’t anywhere near Central Park, but Sutton Place. Confusion blindsided you as you recalled that Tom’s primary address was near the landmark, but all you could see across from you was the East River.

The door on your left suddenly opened, Nick appearing alongside it.

“We’re here, ma’am. He’s waiting for you inside the lobby.” He helped you out of the car, gesturing towards the main entrance behind him. You quietly thanked him, spotting Tom at the main desk as you walked towards the massive front doors.

“It’s incredibly difficult to find time for things like that, I’m afraid. Ah, darling,” He turned to face you as you finally arrived at his side, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“I thought we were going back to…?” You let your question trail off as Tom slowly shook his head, glancing over at the receptionist.

“Diane, it’s been so great seeing you. Take care, alright?” He didn’t wait for an answer as he took your hand, leading you towards the elevators waiting behind glass doors.

Once you were alone inside the marble interior of the elevator, you aired your question again.

“This isn’t the address listed in the contract. You move recently?” Leaning against the wall opposite you, Tom chuckled.

“No, actually. I just have two apartments, a few blocks away from each other. Some would say that’s a bit too over the top, but I consider it more of a… safety precaution.”

“And why’s that?” You supported yourself on the rail of the elevator, quirking an eyebrow as he avoided your gaze.

“Remember my friend Harrison?” You hummed in response. “Well, he’s my best mate. But sometimes, he can get to be a bit too… much. I bought out this apartment a few years ago as a sanctuary away from him and the stress of work. Besides, this place has a fantastic view,” He shrugged as he toyed with his cufflinks, glancing up to meet your questioning gaze.

“If you want to be away from him… why pick a place so close to your actual apartment?” The elevator bell rang at that exact moment, opening its doors to reveal a crisp, white and black foyer interior.

“Right this way, love.” Tom ignored your question, holding out his arm. You took it, your steps falling in sync as you entered the room together. The interior left you breathless as you took it all in. Mahogany wood floors, a massive, all diamond chandelier, and sleek black and white walls spanning the floor plan as far as you could see. The decor was stunning, and you found it hard to believe that he had taken it upon himself to decorate it all. The kitchen was off to your right, a beautiful view of the city outside its windows. There was a small laundry room to your left, where Tom was kicking his dress shoes into as he let go of you.

“Make yourself at home; I’ll be right back.” He walked away, passing through the gallery into what you assumed was the living room. You slipped off your coat and shoes, leaving them in the laundry room before heading off towards the kitchen.

Everything was stainless steel; from the counters to the stove, and everything in between. You ran a hand over the cold surfaces as you scanned the room. There was a small TV built into the wall by the sink, and you couldn’t help but chuckle. Really? I’m going to die if there’s a fucking tv in the bathroom.

You marveled at the view from the kitchen’s windows, the city and park to your right, and the skyline directly ahead. Grabbing an apple from the basket of fruit sitting on the table by your side, you headed off into the living room. You nearly dropped the fruit as you studied the enormous space.

White fabric and black leather couches - at least six - filled up a portion of the space; some lined up alongside one half of the room, almost right up against the massive windows. Two smaller seats sat next to a collection of art statues on wooden pedestals, a miniature bar lining the wall opposite the windows. Tom was behind the counter, mixing a glass of vodka and rum when you met his gaze. Your mouth was gaping, and you quickly clapped a hand over it, eliciting a small laugh from him.

“Impressive, I know. I can give you a tour, if you’d like.” He raised his glass, taking a long sip as you looked down at the apple in your hand.

“I might pass out if there’s a second floor.” Tom grinned, setting his now almost empty glass on the counter.

“That floor is for my housekeeper and driver. They’re married, and I thought it’d alleviate some pressure if they could just… live where they worked. C’mon, I promise it’ll be quick, yet amazing.” You rolled your eyes, following him out into the gallery.

The black wooden walls were decorated in abstract art, a few portraits of famous painters and inventors scattered in between. Not a single picture of any sort of family, though.

“All the bedrooms are on this side of the penthouse, along with the bathrooms and a full size dressing area.”

“Dressing area? Isn’t that what you have a bedroom for?” Tom laughed at your question, shaking his head as he started walking. “No, seriously. A dressing area?”

“Yes, darling. A dressing area. It’s where I have the tailors fit me when I can’t make it out to the shop, or when I need them to take something in before an event, last minute. It’ll also house your event attire, just so it doesn’t get ruined. This way,” He stopped outside the second door on your right hand side, unlocking it with a silver key.

The door swung open, revealing a pristine, yet again, white and black interior. You stepped in first, your feet slowly sinking into the plush carpet lining the floor. You passed the bathroom and closet on the way in, too captivated by the spacious bedroom.

There was no specific decor lining the walls; only a massive mirror situated in the corner, a large vanity lined with a few jewelry boxes and other trinkets opposite the bed. It was a king size with a velvet black duvet and white pillows lined up against the grey headboard, off on your right. Floor to ceiling windows were dead ahead, showcasing a stunning view overlooking the city, with a row of plush seating right in front of them.

“Do you like it?” Tom was watching you from the door, his back resting against the frame as he spoke.

“It’s amazing. Oh my god,” You said as you sat down, peering out the windows.

“Well, this is your bedroom. Whenever you want it.” You whipped your head back, eyes wide and jaw wide open as you looked at him.

“Mine?”

“If you had agreed to move in from the beginning. Remember? I said I’d keep it a viable option if you ever changed your mind.”

“Did you bring me back here just to change my mind, Tom?” He averted his gaze as you said his name, tugging at the knot of his tie as he cleared his throat.

“Of course not. I’m no manipulator, love.” You quietly hummed, looking over the room once again while he stood, rooted to the floor.

“Do I get to see your room, too?” You bit your lip as he met your eyes, a small grin pulling at the corner of his mouth.

“Whatever you’d like, princess.” He smirked as he watched you walk back to him, your hips slowly swaying.

“Don’t get any ideas, mister.” You whispered, pulling on his tie just a bit before slipping out of his grasp.

“You’re a minx, you know that?” He said, shaking his head as he shut the door closed, following you to his room.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about! Now c’mon, I’m waiting,” You giggled as he squeezed your ass unexpectedly, his free hand unlocking the door with another key.

“Get in here,” He growled playfully, gently pushing you into the massive, dark interior. The walls were all black, matching wooden floors mirroring the dark ambience as you observed the space.

To your right was his bed; king size, all black everything decorating the mattress, with a matching headboard made up of black, wrought iron rails. It faced the tall windows that lined the other half of the room; the entire city of New York on display for him. You spotted a similar seat setup to yours along one side of the windows, a desk and large dresser opposite the foot of the bed. Once again, the walls were devoid of any decor, accentuating the vivid minimalist detailing of the room.

“This feels like it’s straight out of a horror movie,” You whispered, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. Tom was leaning against the wall, fiddling with his cufflinks again.

“Why do you say that?”

“It’s so dark in here. I’m starting to think I’ll find a body tied up in your closet or something,” You said in a hushed voice, trying your best not to laugh as Tom gave you a bewildered look. “Seriously! Do you hide people in here?” Your poker face was impressive, making him think you were dead serious as you looked at him.

“You’re joking,”

“Tom, tell me you’re not some deranged psychopath,” A giggle slipped out at the last second, and the visible relief washing over Tom pushed you over the edge. You were practically wheezing as you feel back on his bed, your lungs begging for air.

Tom rolled his eyes, quietly chuckling as he strided over, climbing on top of you as your giggling died out.

“You think you’re so funny, hm?” You met his darkening gaze, a familiar shiver crawling down your spine as you nodded. “Let me give you something to laugh about, darling.”

You were momentarily confused by his words until you felt his hands on your sides, slipping under your shirt and tickling you. Your laughing commenced once again, your own hands undoing his suit jacket to get back at him.

You were slightly taken aback by this playful, joking side of Tom, but decided to ignore the questionable feeling in your gut as you rolled around the bed with him, your laughter and heaving breaths mixing together.

Once you successfully pushed Tom off of you, he proposed you stay for dinner.

“I’m starting to get the feeling you like me,” You teased as you walked into the kitchen, his arm wrapped around your waist.

“Where the hell are you getting such a daft idea?” You smacked his chest, rolling your eyes. He laughed, squeezing your ass before stepping away towards the counter.

“Cheeky boy you are, Mr. Holland,” You stuck your tongue out at him as you took a seat at the counter.

“You’ve barely scraped the surface, princess.”

It was just past midnight when you realized how late it was, having spent almost the entirety of dinner asking Tom about his time in college. Not to your surprise, he expertly deflected every question. He coyly suggested you spend the night - in your own room. You agreed, knowing it was best to avoid spending a decent hour or two riding back to your apartment. Tom had set up the room for you as you got ready for bed, providing you with a clean, spare set of his pajamas and other toiletries. He left before you were finished, texting you a simple “goodnight” a few minutes after he had gone.

Disregarding what Harrison always called a ‘normal’ bedtime routine, Tom found himself rummaging through his extensive liquor collection. Settling on a bottle of whiskey, he served himself a few drinks on the rocks, stowing away the handle before he got too carried away.

He finished half the served glasses by the time he sat down by the windows looking over the park. He was nursing his fifth one when his phone lit up, a text from Harrison staring at him.

Are you coming in the morning? Have something we need to discuss.

Tom ignored it, downing the rest of the brown liquid before reaching for his last glass.

“This is fucking pathetic.”

Not much time had passed before Tom woke up, the bright, early sunlight streaming through the windows stirring him. He had fallen asleep in the living room, scattered, broken glass and melted ice sitting a few feet away from him.

“Damn it,” He quietly muttered, wincing as he spoke. The massive headache currently pounding against his brain was hurting like a bitch.

He slowly stood up, mumbling a cold greeting to his housekeeper, Martha, as he made his way from the kitchen to his bedroom, stumbling over every other step.

Barely making it past the door, Tom struggled to get to the bathroom without hitting his head against the doorframe. He cursed himself under his breath, reaching for the rather large bottle of pills sitting on the counter.

Walking back to the kitchen, he grabbed a bottle of water, downing three of the pills before Martha returned.

“Do I need to call Mr. Osterfield again?” Her stern voice grabbed Tom’s attention, his headache slowly subsiding as he met her glare.

“What for?” He muttered, already annoyed just with the mention of Harrison’s name.

“I found traces of white powder by the bar, again. Have you forgotten what happened the last time you messed around with cocaine?” Tom waved her off, rolling his eyes as he slowly stood up.

“It wasn’t… fuck, it wasn’t coke, alright? Just some… leftover crushed up Adderall. I swear!” He held a hand up when she raised her eyebrows, her eyes telling him she wasn’t buying a single word he spoke.

“I already told you what’ll happen the next time you mess with those godawful things. Don’t think I won’t follow through, Mr. Holland.” She waved a finger at him before walking out of the room, barely missing Tom’s hushed curses.

“This is my fucking place, for fuck’s sake.”

You were woken up by the sound of dull knocking at the bedroom door, followed by a soft, female voice.

“You can come in,” You called out, slowly sitting up to greet your visitor as the door opened.

It was a slightly older woman, dressed in what appeared to be something close to black scrubs, carrying a small tray of food.

“Good morning, miss Y/N. I’ve brought you breakfast, per Mr. Holland’s request,” She smiled sweetly at you, slowly making her way to the bed as you pulled the covers up to your chest.

“Oh, thank you. That’s really nice of him.” Martha only nodded, still smiling as she set the tray down next to you.

“Would you like me to bring you anything else?” You surveyed the food; toast, bacon, eggs, orange juice, milk, and a cup of freshly cut fruit. You shook your head as you took a quick sip of juice.

“Just a question - do you know where he is?” You shrugged your shoulders as you took a bite of the bacon, your stomach suddenly growling. She chuckled, nodding as you smiled.

“He’s training in the gym down the hall. Although, I will personally suggest it would be best if you left him alone for a bit while he’s there; usually only works out when he’s angry or stressed.” She bid you a quick goodbye after that, shutting the door behind her before you had the chance to ask about her… suggestion.

Why would he be angry already?

Tom was running his regular boxing session, currently throwing calculated punches at the massive punching bag in front of the mirror. You were standing by the miniature locker room, still donning his borrowed pajamas. You had washed up after breakfast, only to realize you didn’t have other clothes to wear. Sticking with what he’d given you, you found yourself watching him train from afar, savoring the little grunts he made every time his gloved fist made contact with the bag.

From his reflection in the mirror, you could see the sweat glistening on his forehead and arms and his usually perfect, moussed locks were a sweaty, slicked back mess. Even when he was kind of gross, he was still hot.

Stop that.

You pushed away the thoughts when you recognized a familiar warmth spreading in your lower abdomen, your thighs involuntarily pressing together as you watched him switch sides on the bag. The way his back muscles moved… oh, god.

“Princess? You okay?” Tom’s voice pulled you out of your dirty thoughts, spurring on a nervous warmth that rose to your cheeks as you met his gaze from across the room.

“Did you say something?” You asked quietly, biting down on your lip.

“Just said good morning when I saw you in the mirror, but you didn’t answer me. Did you sleep well?” He pulled out the wireless headphones you hadn’t noticed before, setting them down on a weight bench before walking up to the bag again.

“Yes, very. That bed itself may just convince me to move in,” Tom nearly missed the bag, his fist making swift contact with the mirror. You gasped, running over to him as he fell back against it, sinking to the floor.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” You kneeled down next to him, cupping his cheek as he quietly groaned.

“Yes, I’m - I’m fine, don’t worry,” He slowly stood up, gingerly brushing your hand off his face as he stepped away. “So, you’re considering moving in, then?” His tone seemed… hopeful, to say the least. You smiled carefully, shaking your head.

“Key word was ‘may’ there, Tom. You sure you’re alright?” You came up behind him, resting a hand on his waist as he gently pushed the bag backwards with his hand. He tensed at the contact, but made no move to pull away from you.

“I think I’m done for today,” He said, undoing the velcro strap on his glove with his teeth. He dropped one to the ground, turning to face you as he undid the other. “Meet me in my bedroom, love.” He licked his lips, smirking when you nodded, your hand falling to your side as you stepped back.

He picked up the fallen glove, tossing them in a basket by the weights as he walked off into the small changing area. Once he was out of sight, you ran out of the room and straight into his.

You sat on his bed, your back resting against the surprisingly comfortable headboard. You toyed with the hem of your shirt, taking in a sharp breath when you heard the door open a few minutes later. Tom appeared, bare chested with only a towel wrapped around his waist that hung dangerously low on his hips. His hair was wet, perfectly slicked back, a few, stray water droplets running down his abs.

“Enjoying the view, princess?” He quipped, chuckling when you averted your gaze, shaking your head.

“So…”

“Don’t worry. I didn’t ask you here to fuck, darling. I mean, usually that’s why I would but, I need you for a different reason right now.” Oh. Wait what?

“What is it?” You sat up straighter, straining your neck to see what he was doing as he stood in front of his dresser.

“Which of these,” He spun around, holding up three different dress shirts. “...would you like to wear?”

After a more ‘proper’ tour of Tom’s penthouse, you found yourself sitting on the largest couch in the room, watching some random holiday movie on the gigantic plasma screen hanging on the wall. Tom came out of the kitchen, juggling two bowls of chips and popcorn in his hands. He set them down on the coffee table, nudging your thigh with his hand as he sat down.

“What?” You looked over at him, raising an eyebrow as he massaged the flesh.

“Wanna play a game?” He whispered, his eyes looking down at your lips as he spoke. You got the hint, rolling your eyes playfully. You threw your arm onto the back of the couch, your hand coming up to play with his curls at the nape of his neck.

“What kind of game?”

“How about the one you say I always win, princess?” He chuckled darkly as he watched you shift, swinging your leg over his lap, your ass resting on his thighs. “That’s it, baby.” Your hand cradled the back of his head as he cupped your cheek, pulling you down for a kiss.

His tongue swiped over your bottom lip, asking for entrance. You whined as Tom’s hand came down hard on your ass, kneading the flesh while his tongue finally danced with yours. Your hands were intertwined in his hair, pulling every time his hand squeezed your ass.

Without a second thought, you started grinding against Tom, your hips slowly swiveling against his. He grunted, moving his hands to your waist to push you down against his rising hips.

“Fuck, darling,” He growled, pushing his hips up in search of friction. His hardening cock felt so fucking good against your clothed cunt, the fabric rubbing against your sensitive clit with every movement. His lips had strayed away from yours, kissing all over your jaw and neck as you moved in tandem.

His mouth found yours again in seconds, his teeth sinking into your bottom lip as he brought you in for another kiss. Your moans mixed together with your panting breaths, pushing you both closer to the edge.

His cock was straining against his sweatpants, the friction growing more intense with every move of your hips. The knot in your stomach was growing tighter, Tom’s quickening pace knocking you over the brink in record time.

“Oh fuck,” You whimpered, your hips stilling as your orgasm hit, Tom’s lips collecting your mewls as his own hips faltered. His hands dropped to your ass again, squeezing the flesh as he came right after you, a low growl his only warning.

Your head fell against his shoulder, your chests heaving with parallel desperation after your whirlwind activity. He kissed the exposed skin along your collarbone, his breath hot against your warm skin.

“I win,” He mumbled, dropping his head back against the couch. You let out an airy laugh, raising an eyebrow when he pushed you against his chest.

“How did you win, if I may ask?” He laughed, patting your ass as he met your mildly confused stare.

“You gave in first, darling. And you came first. Ergo, I win.”

“Since when are there rules to dry humping, Holland?” You scoffed, crossing your arms so your chest stuck out just a bit more under the dress shirt you were wearing. Tom’s gaze dropped for a moment, his teeth digging into his lip as he glanced up at you.

“Them’s the rules, baby. Deal with it,” He retorted, taking you by surprise as he spun the two of you around, pushing you down into the couch. His lips attached themselves to your neck, making you giggle as his hands undid the buttons of his shirt.

You moaned when his lips started sucking on your sweet spot, your fingers tugging on his hair as he smirked against your skin.

A loud knock startled you both, Tom pulling away to sit back on his knees.

“What is it, Martha?” You scrambled to sit up, covering yourself with your hands as you tried to fight back your growing flustered state.

“Mr. Osterfield is in the foyer, and he’s asking to see you immediately.”

“Tell him I’m bu-”

“Already did, Mr. Holland. He’s insisting.” Tom waved her off, rolling his eyes as he stood up.

“Fucking Harrison, what the hell does he want?” He muttered under his breath, turning away from you so you wouldn’t catch his words; except you did.

“Stay here, love. This shouldn’t take too long,” He cupped your cheek momentarily, stroking his thumb over your lip before leaving.

Once he shut the door, and against your better judgement, you quietly made your way over to the other side of the room, instantly picking up on two muffled yet loud, angry voices in the gallery.

“Learn to pick up your damn phone, you imbecile!”

“Harrison, would you calm the fuck down, for fuck’s sake? What the hell is your problem anyways?” Tom watched him pace back and forth, his chest heaving with frustration and pent up anger.

“The fucking dinner, Tom. The fucking dinner with your fucking parents! Did you forget? It started almost forty fucking minutes ago!”

“Oh, fucking shit.” Tom muttered, his pulse picking up as fear and anxiety flooded every nerve in his body.

“Oh fucking shit is right, Holland! Your father had to send me to drag your pathetic arse all the way to the fucking house! Can’t you get your fucking shit together for one fucking day and do something right for once?” Tom took a step back from Harrison, his hands balling up into fists as he locked eyes with him.

“Don’t be such a fucking twat, Harrison. Yeah, I forgot, but for crying out loud, it’s not that big a deal anyways, alright?” Tom was struggling to keep a lid on his rising anger, his face flushed a bright pink as he held back his tongue.

“Not a big deal, huh? Keep fucking up like this, and you can kiss the goddamn company goodbye, Tom! If you can’t get your fucking shit together, the twins are getting the golden key to your dream job, you dumbfuck! All because you can’t think outside sex and spending money! You’re a fucking idiot, Tom, I swear to God,” Harrison scoffed, leaning against the wall as he tried to calm his breathing.

“I know she’s here, Tom. Martha didn’t have to say anything; I could tell the minute I walked in the door. Does she know, Tom? Does she know how fucked up you really are?” Harrison’s voice was getting louder with every word he said, each one spoken out of spite.

“Mate, calm the fuck down, alright? You’re starting to scare me,” Tom said through gritted teeth, taking another step back as Harrison stepped away from the wall.

“Did you spend all day with her? I’m shocked, in all honesty. I thought the routine just consisted of shopping and fucking, then you’d have dear old Nicky drive them home, every damn day - am I wrong, Tommy?” Harrison scoffed, smirking as he watched Tom shake his head.

“Fuck you and your fucking constant scrutiny of my love life! You’re too busy up my ass for anyone to even like you!”

“At least women like me for more than just what I can do in fucking bed, Tom. Anyone gets a whiff of who you really are, and they’re out the fucking door in the matter of seconds! Why do you think your parents have these fucking dinners in the first place?”

“Enlighten me, you fucker. Why?”

“Harry and Sam always bring their girlfriends to these things, but your pitiful self always shows up with me and a bottle of hard liquor. They’re worried about you, dumbass!” Harrison walked up to Tom, who pushed him away as he reached out to him.

“That’s a fucking lie if I ever saw one, you piece of shit. You know damn well they’ve never given two fucking shits about me or my love life! Now get the fuck out before I fucking hit you, Harrison, I swear to God I will -”

Tom landed a clean right hook against Harrison’s jaw, forcing him back against the wall. He spat on the ground, the tiniest spot of blood on the corner of his mouth as he pushed himself up, hitting Tom straight in the stomach.

“What the ever living fuck was that for, you motherfucker!” Tom yelled, shoving Harrison against the wall, his hand instinctively wrapping around his throat, squeezing tight. All he could do was laugh, wincing at the pain as he struggled to breathe.

“You call yourself my fucking best mate, and yet you come into my home and fucking hit me? You’re whole different brand of fucked up, Osterfield.” Tom growled, ignoring the pain in his hand as Harrison scratched his skin, trying to pull him off.

“Tom,” He wheezed, his throat burning.

“Get your miserable ass out of here before I fucking ruin you, Harrison. Go!” Tom let go, smacking the side of his face with his knuckles as he fell to the floor. Tom kicked him in the shin, muttering a string of incoherent swears as he pushed Harrison towards the door, his best friend practically dragging himself on his knees.

Nick showed up at the base of the stairs next to the kitchen, a pained look of shock written over his face as he took in the scene before him.

“Get him out of here, now.” Tom said, watching Nick help Harrison into the elevator, letting him slump to the ground as the doors shut.

You were sitting on the couch, hugging your knees to your chest. Tom opened the door leading into the kitchen with Martha following close behind. You saw him holding an ice pack over his hand, a few specks of what you thought was blood scattered over his chest.

“Tom, oh my god,”

“You need to leave. Right now.” He ignored you and grabbed his phone off the coffee table, gently pushing you back against the couch as he walked past.

“What?”

“You’re leaving, now. Martha, please,” He didn’t even look back at you as he left the room, slamming the door shut. You looked at Martha, who avoided your gaze as she held out two bags.

“New clothes, and here are your shoes. His other driver is waiting for you outside in the foyer.” She placed the bags on the couch, dropping your shoes on the floor before excusing herself, heading out the way she came in. You ignored the gnawing feeling eating away at your heart and mind as you quickly changed, leaving Tom’s clothes on the couch as you walked out of the room.

The driver was waiting by the elevator, a pair of sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose. He said nothing as you approached, pressing the button and entering the elevator shaft without a glance or even a nod of acknowledgement.

So much for a good day.

A few hours had passed since Tom had kicked Harrison out and sent you home. He refused to see Martha or Nick after locking himself up in his bedroom. He snorted the last of his pills and was struggling to ignore the part of him that desperately craved the few ounces of cocaine he had stowed away from the last time.

Once he was sure the coast was clear, Tom made his way to his favorite place; the living room bar. He sat down on a bar stool and pulled out a few glasses. He studied the bottles of liquor on the counter, grimacing as he realized that every single one of them was a previous ‘gift’ from his father.

“Fucking asshole,” Tom muttered, grabbing one of the wine bottles by the neck. He flipped the bottle and threw it over the counter, cheering when the glass shattered against the wood floors, glass flying everywhere.

“Serves him right, that fuck,” Tom said as he grabbed another bottle. He flipped open the card tied to the neck, reading over the printed text.

Happy birthday, son. x Dad

“You don’t even know my birthday, you motherfucker!” Tom screamed, throwing the second bottle against the wall behind him, covering his face with his hands as glass flew about.

Kicking a few broken shards to the side, Tom sat down and poured out an entire bottle of scotch into a couple of glasses, throwing the bottle over the counter and relishing in its crashing sound against the hardwood floors.

He downed three glasses of the burning liquid before grabbing as many of the others he could, carrying them to his bedroom.

He slumped down outside his door, nursing the drinks until he fell over, his head hitting the floor with a loud thud.

So much for numbing the pain.

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wishingfornever · 6 years ago

Text

1/5/18 – No Contact: Her Words

Ariel’s alright. It’s a miracle she’s alive with no broken bones. I saw the wreckage. So… fucked up. I asked what happened and she told me that a “Russian Skank” (her words) was on the phone. That’s all I needed to hear, I can figure out the details from that alone.

She was with two other people, close friends of hers and they form the THREE MUSKETEERS!!! Her words, again. None of them got hurt. One is a bit mentally fucked meaning he’s shaken but he’ll live. Probably not talking alright, could have some head damage that isn’t showing yet but I doubt it. Doctors would have found it.

Ariel was able to come home from the hospital almost immediately after. That’s good, a bit envious. If I were in the US with the same injuries, I’d pay twice as more, stay twice as long, and be half as well for it. The US is not the place to live if you suffer injuries or get sick.

Of course, I wasn’t thinking that at the time. I was relieved that she’s okay. She is more angry at the other driver than worried about her own well-being. She’s bruised, pretty badly. Her back, which she has had surgery on, is perfectly fine. No damage there. As stated, no broken bones. She just hurts but that’s way better than most could hope for. If this were a tabletop RPG, she’d had rolled a 16. Rolling a 20 meant she’d walk away, not even a scratch. Not sure how true that is. Only played D&D once with Jeremiah but it was a rigged game because the GM was a player and the players immersed themselves with loot and progression in video games rather than the story in tabletop. So, we played it wrong. D’oh.

Regardless, she’s doing pretty well all things considered. Like, amazingly well. She said she should have died. People say she has a guardian angel, I know the angel’s name. The child she couldn’t have.

Not sure if I believe in angels or even religion, but something looked after her. The car looked like it’s damage was mostly on Ariel’s side. It may have flipped a couple times because it was off the road and I couldn’t see any tire scrapping in the grass. I’m not certain, though, as I know nothing about investigating car accidents. This would be the first one and I was only compelled to do so because Ariel messaged me, “Got in a car accident; going to bed.” Paraphrased, of course, but I didn’t have time to talk to her. It would have been quite late for her anyways.

I fell asleep a bit after, watching SovietWomble. Rather than continue writing, I left it on a cliff hangar. Bad of me to do so, but I figured I was tired and ready for bed. I’ll talk about it tomorrow.

Of which, current time is 8:30. A bit later, of course. It’s late. My mom and I hung out. A very busy day. It began pretty well, sort of… or… not really. I woke up because of my cousin and my mom gossiping on the second floor. No time for a shower, but I got ready. My hair was a poofy mess. We dropped off Adela at work so we had the car. What did we do with this liberty? We got breakfast. It was this place called Le Peep. Food was okay but I thought the eggs I cooked was better. The sausage they had was pretty… okay. Kind of weird. If you go there, get breakfast with sausage patties to see what I mean. Not links but the patties.

By the way, I’m going to eat meat while my mom is here. Not sure if I mentioned that. Had a ton of meat today, too. What’s weird is that it’s not appealing to me anymore… like… it tastes… less good. It’s baffling.

Anyways… after breakfast, what did we do? Went to Firestone to check Adela’s tires. They were going to be finished at 12 and it was like… 9 at the time? Yeah, about 9. We walked a short distance to the mall to watch the movie, “Coco” which started at 10:20. We got there at about 9:40 because my mom hurt her foot doing something and walked slowly. Weirdly enough, my ankles have been hurting a lot lately and my big toe on my left foot feels like there is an infection near the nail. She doesn’t know this because she’ll pester me to wear ankle braces that I don’t wear anymore because I don’t do a lot of sports anymore.

Regardless, I was able to ignore my shitty ankles and was walking ahead of her at my regular pace and found myself stopping. Then waiting. Then continuing again to repeat the process the ENTIRE day.

While there, I was trying to avoid going even NEAR the ice rink. Made me think of Esther. Fuuuuuuuck. Worse yet, the movies reminded me of Esther, too. During parts where you’re not meant to cry, I was fighting back tears. Sometimes, it was because of the movie but initially it was because I miss her. Whatever, I’ll bring her up perhaps once more and I’ll try to avoid Esther for the rest of the post. For now, let’s talk Coco.

Janis was right when she said it was a good movie. I thought I ruined the movies when I saw a variety of trailers and I was like, “Oh, so spoiled...” and I was concerned I wouldn’t like it. Speaking of spoilers, good luck avoiding them.

Anyways, I go through 3 bags of Welch’s candies which (with a cost of a 24 ounce cup of Coke: Zero cost 19.30; highway robbery) before the halfway point of the movie. I didn’t even notice. That’s a bad sign for me but a good one for the movie. I was very enthralled by it. I’m sure my mom was, too.

It begins with three Pixar employees talking about the effort that went into it and then wishing us a happy experience. When it begins, I immediately see the pizza truck from Toy Story later followed by toy story pinatas. So, there are the easter eggs. Really early. There MAY have been more… but I couldn’t see for myself. I stopped easter egg hunting. Like, I think I was looking at the texture of a Mariachi’s outfit and was admiring it? Or maybe I was just looking at the designs and thinking about that instead.

I’m not sure.

Anyways, it’s very typical of Disney. Young child is passionate about something, family doesn’t like said passion, child discovers himself, the passion, and his family. Everything comes together.

What I DIDN’T expect was the turns along the way. It’s like taking a detour on a road you generally follow. You’re still getting the same destination, but you appreciate a different journey. This one was very scenic with lots of surprises.

The dog, however… that muthafucka. I noticed immediately when the dog noticed him and interacted with him. Physical being touching a no longer physical being. That caught my eye. When he didn’t have to pass through this… like, undead shield? Yeah. I noticed that, as well.

I started to hypothesize that the dog was more than it seems like he was some sort of mystical force. Needless to say, it would appear so. It turns out he’s a mystical creature called an “alebrije” which is like some sort of spirit guide. I’m not a very GOOD Mexican, so I’ve heard of them but I’m not sure how true that is. I was a little disappointed to see that I was correct as there was no theory to discuss. Maybe now that we discover he’s an alebrije he can’t return to the world of the living? Oh, he can. Nevermind, then. No theories from that.

Of which, those dogs are supposed to be special for some sort of reason. Because they have no hair, they’re very delicate so that made them sacred maybe? I’m not sure. I’m pretty ignorant.

Anyways, I noticed a lot more. Like… they got Mexico down. I felt like I was at my aunt’s house (Tia is spanish for Aunt and Tio is Spanish for uncle, remember that from the movie?). There is a lot of dirt in Mexico, of course. Their cemeteries look exactly like in the movie. I remember my mom chastised me for embarrassing our family in a cemetery. Our family, not myself. Our family. Because we were in front of our ancestors. Try to remember this.

Anyways, their house was a bit cleaner than my aunt’s house but oof. So similar in the layout. Not to say my aunt lives in filth, mind you. Literal dirt. It’s everywhere. She doesn’t live in a town or city so there are more dust storms where she is. So… sand blown, I guess? Still, it looked just like her house. Then again, I guess it’s more of a ranch at that point. :/

I think Miguel’s older brother or older cousin. He was sort of a ditz who polished shoes. He has this green Mexican soccer jersey. I noticed it immediately because I have the EXACT same one and I used to wear it a lot. In fact, he and I looked very similar except my skin is lighter. That was my favorite shirt for a while which is weird because I don’t like green. I tend to avoid it, actually.

The plaza… the bronze, somewhat untended statue… there are a lot of those in Mexico. Mexico is a very old country. Technically, younger than the United States, but it was civilized sooner. Mesoamerican peoples, if you want, but more the Spanish began their colonies sooner and had more people to expand with because Spain didn’t make it their policy to promote race. Rather, they were more fond of religion rather than race.

It’s easier to convert than to change the color of your skin. “Oh, the Spanish killed all the Aztecs and the Mexicans are just Spanish blah blah blah I voted for Trump” shut up. Just… no. Shut up. You hear in the US how people are 1/64th Cherokee or some bullshit but they’re so white they may as well be fluorescent. Mexico? Everyone is brown! “Oh, the Spanish raped them while the US accidentally killed the locals with smallpox hurhurhur-build the wall!” ��Stop it. Shut up. Sure, probably a lot of rape went down but Indians in Mexico (yes, not saying Native Mexicans, I’m aware) are still a thing. Like, their culture is still around. In Mexico City, you’ll see people proudly dressed in old, Mesoamerican attire doing Mesoamerican things. The Day of the Dead began as an Aztec holiday. Spain was FAR nicer to the natives than the British or the Americans were. How much nicer? Nice enough that entire populations of countries are brown. There are pictures from the 1800’s of full blooded Aztec men in the garb of the era. Full blooded. Meaning not exterminated. The picture I have in mind comes from Mexico City. Meaning he wasn’t sent to a reservation, like in the US or Canada. Rather it was Mexico, who was the second country in the Americas to abolish slavery, happened to have the FIRST Indigenous Person as a president of a country. Benito Juarez. Yeah, instead of giving smallpox blankets to the native population (there are actual records and letters from the 1800’s detailing this happening, so it isn’t fake) they made one president. President. Of a country. Native. Slavery was banned almost immediately.

“Oh, well Mexico is still a shit hole.” Shut up. Stop it. I’m running out of straw.

Sorry. Went off on a rant… anyways, because colonization was perhaps easier for the Spanish, they were able to build MUCH more far sooner. They weren’t able to build that much far north, however. Like in Texas? Mexico had a hard time getting settlers, so they appealed to Americans hoping they’d settle there and would act as a deterrent to keep the Americans from invading. Turns out, that’s a bad idea.

Oh, look at that! Another rant!

I’ll try to be quick. The Mexicans had three conditions for Americans to move into Texas: Convert to Catholicism, learn Spanish, and obey Spanish laws. I can hear the Trump supporter frothing at the mouth, saying, “That’s what we need to do! Make them convert to my branch of protestantism which I claim is nondenominational but is really protestantism, they need to learn English, and respect our laws! That means respect the wall and come legally! And also not leech off the welfare system and be self-reliant!” but keep in mind that the Mexican government was GIVING these people free land. Not a fucking welfare check, they were giving them the right to settle. They INVITED Americans to move to Texas to become citizens. There wasn’t this crazy fucking test to determine how American you can be. It’s such a dumb fucking test and that’s coming from someone who LOVES history.

Citizenship is difficult in the United States. It doesn’t have to be. The greatest minds don’t need a filter to get through. It doesn’t keep the country any safer. The reason citizenship is difficult is because the US has had a FEAR of foreigners since the late 1800’s. Wop means “Without Papers” I’m told, implying Italians were the first illegal immigrants. Not sure how true that is, but needing to take a test to prove you’re American enough defies what the United States stands for. I like to believe that the Statue of Liberty isn’t just a suggestion. It’s more:

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame, With conquering limbs astride from land to land; Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame. "Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Well, they came with hope and this poem ringing in their ear. Then they were told to go away. They were told by they who rest at ease, the wealthy, the scattered few among a nation of many who live without worry that their ivory towers will never fall.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

As I was saying, Texas was a BIG opportunity. They who came were not tired. Perhaps poor, but not all. They didn’t need to breathe free because they already were back in the United States. This was not the message of Mexico, however. It didn’t need to be. They just needed to colonize a piece of land and they needed to be good Mexican citizens.

Catholicism? No problem! Learning Spanish? It was the trade language in the Americas at the time, so if you wanted to trade with the Native Americans then your best bet was to learn Spanish anyways. Obey Mexican Laws? D’oh! Americans couldn’t do that. You think it’d be simple, but that breathing free shit is difficult for an American to comprehend. They REALLY needed their fucking slaves. Like, god damn. Really? Most of the American Texans who fought for a Republic of Texas didn’t own slaves. Probably. However, I can guarantee the ones who actually had any position of power had slaves. Because a slave is like a fancy german car. It’s a status symbol.

If you’re American and you’re reading this, you probably don’t own a fancy car but I’m sure you want one. In fact, if you’re an American and you’re reading this, I can almost guarantee that you don’t have a fancy car but want one because most Americans are fucking poor. If you were poor back then, then you’d want a slave even if you can’t afford one.

My dad… we saw the Alamo a couple years ago. The movie, not the actual location. Him, I, and Jonny. He actually cried. “These poor men… they… they fought for freedom!” No, they didn’t. They fought to keep the black man down and would later oppress brown people in the Republic of Texas. Nevermind MODERN day Texas. So fucking dumb.

Speaking of MODERN Texas, I asked a senior in high school who works with me and had NEARLY straight A’s about history. Didn’t know shit. Asked her about Texas history, specifically the Alamo. She said, “I think it’s in Texas.” I laughed because she forgot the Alamo.

But, yeah… There is a lot more history in Mexico than the US. That’s because remembering the Alamo is fucking stupid and modern Texas’s school system isn’t teaching the children anything. That’s why. Also, maybe because Mexico was colonized sooner and had a larger, more clustered population that wasn’t targeted by genocide. Perhaps that’s a better reason, eh? Anyways, I could almost see a cathedral overlooking the plaza. I don’t remember if there was a church, but the plaza I’m reminded of had a beautiful cathedral. Almost picturesque. I was filled with such pleasant memories of Mexico. Which is nice, because a lot of people don’t have such memories.

The street vendors… that’s something too. It feels like you’ll see them everywhere. Sometimes, they don’t even have tables. They sell their wares and hold it, often walking through clustered traffic. They’re usually smiling though… weird now that I think about it. Every minimum wage worker I met today was miserable and had no energy. Huh…

Anyways… The movies he watched with de la Cruz. They were based off this old Mexican actor. Very dreamy. I don’t remember his name but I remember his movies. He was basically Mexican John Wayne but more handsome and he could sing.

I did notice that the dresses the dancers were wearing before he died were kind of solid. Like, I always remember the many bright colors of the dancers but then again, this was a stage play. Mexican culture is so very colorful. Like… so colorful. Of course, it can also be a sort of drab layer of khaki because dirt, but there is still color. It’s nice.

And on the actual day of the dead? Omg, a lot of orange. It was beautiful. You do leave food out for your family at the ofrenda but I’m not sure what you do with it after… eat it or throw it out? Erm… Weird. I’ll ask my mom about it. The ofrenda requires a picture or whatever though I’m not sure what ofrendas were like before the invention of the photograph. Even after it was invented, photographs were pretty expensive. Maybe a drawing or their written name? Weird thought.

But all that color in life… well, there was even more color in death. Like, fucking shit, Pixar did an amazing job. Like, holy fuck. So colorful and the bridge was so beautiful. The petals that you cross… breathtaking. I loved the old Aztec designs everywhere, mixed with more modern but still old buildings. It was… perfect. Like, I was just… well, I think you get it.

What I loved a lot in the trailer was watching a skeleton try to cross the bridge, only to sink into the petals. I thought he was like a thief or something and his sins that burdened him made him too heavy to cross, leading to him trying to redeem himself while the BAD GUYS who want the main character dead chase the two and the thief is saved at the end and is able to cross the bridge.

They didn’t go that route. They went in a far more touching route which is perhaps better and less cliché, as ironic as that may seem considering what I said about it being a typical disney plot.

I LOVED how he tried to disguise himself as Frida. Frida Kahlo is a Mexican painter. I went on a walk today with Adela and while discussing the movie, Adela was talking how they made her character more cartoonish because the real Frida was sort of… depressed and under-appreciated? She was also a Communist, which I like. The way they portrayed her was mostly out of fun but not spite. I think the jokes respected her while also taking a couple quick jabs. That said, I think Adela really likes Frida. She knows a lot about her. I’ll be sure to remember that.

Like… every scene with Frida is just gold. Or any scene where Frida is REMOTELY involved.

I just looked it up. Frida wasn’t the only Mexican to be represented. I guess I was so immersed, I stopped looking. Like, everyone at de la Cruz’s party was a prominent figure in Mexican history. HE HOSTED ZAPATA!!! MOTHER FUCKING ZAPATA!!! Ooooooooh, that’s awesome! Also, they featured a Mexican wrestler as well as several actors and actresses. Again, the details. The pink band is a reference to a mariachi band that I don’t know but my mom does. Can’t seem to find the reference. Mariachi bands have a lot of weird names, btw. I don’t remember the one from the movie.

I remember the crowd. I remember looking at all their eyes. It was captivating me. I felt like no two characters had the same model. Each was unique. It’s just… so much detail. SO MUCH!!!

Like it’s visually stunning. And the alebrije of the Matriarch… I said it was Kiki. Turns out, I was right. Darling kitten. And how darling kitten sees itself. As a fucking monster of epic proportions. Yeah, that’ll work.

There is a lot I don’t know. Like when you drink tequila or eat food as a skeleton… where does it go. Like, they said they don’t have restrooms (which I think is crap because Mexicans are vain creatures who care about their smaller details to the T; except for maybe Frida because she never got rid of that unibrow because she heavily embraced who she was) so they can’t go anywhere. They just… exist with it. Unusual.

And there does seem to be a sort of class system as evident by the impoverished communities. I’m not sure if they have currency… I’m sure they do, however, as they have people who work ON HOLIDAYS!!! Like, holidays? Really? Don’t they have families with ofrendas? They are so dedicated to their jobs. How do they manage? And the woman who dealt with the Not-Thief dealt with him again the next year. She doesn’t take days off. Rather, she works. So, I literally just googled “In the afterlife” and got a bunch of Christian shit for auto-suggest. I finished it with “of Coco, is there money?” Didn’t get an answer. Got a Cracked article that suggests Hitler goes to the Mexican afterlife but not much else.

Eh, that might be a theory for another day. I guess I won’t be spoiling too much because I’ll wrap it up. It was very touching. I saw the movie and felt the right emotions but cried for the wrong reasons. I tried not to, of course.

Family is everything to Latin culture. Family is sacred. More sacred than white families. Yeah, that’s super racial but deal with it. My brother is kind but I don’t really know him and my niece… she robbed me. Mexican families… family can rob you as well, but it happens far less. You’re expected to love your family unconditionally. Even if you just met them today, and you will just meet them today.

It… boggles the mind. I wasn’t meant to be Mexican. I’m not very close with my family. I felt guilty because my family… they think they’re close with me, but they’re not. No one is. I think my mom feels it. She and I sat in silence at breakfast. We can’t talk. What can we talk about? I feel very disconnected. Maybe that’s why she worries about me so much. My dad was my hero almost since the day I could form an opinion. I followed his lead, his beliefs… I did so blindly. I see him now… he’s different than I am. We have different beliefs. We have different personalities. We’re different people. I look to my mother. We have different beliefs. We have different personalities. We’re different people.

I don’t feel I belong. This sounds like some sappy teenager shit coming from a 26 year old. I don’t talk to my cousin’s regularly. I used to… maybe I did belong once. What changed?

It’s getting late and I’m losing control of my emotions.

Edward sent me A BUNCH of texts at once. I wanted to respond, but I couldn’t. We had ordered pizza and I was in the same room as family. Distancing myself, watching old SovietWomble streams. Maybe I should stop. There is a lot of uncertainty in my life and perhaps that’s not helping. I don’t play video games, but I watch others. A very voyeuristic way to handle gaming.

I’ll text him tomorrow before work. Edward, that is. Let him know that I’m not ignoring him. I want to, don’t get me wrong, but not because of him. I want to ignore him for myself. I don’t want to socialize right now.

I got a haircut today, after the movie. Told you I’d mention Esther… we got close to the rink. I was ahead of my mom, so I wasn’t afraid of her seeing me. Of course, there was this food kiosk… delicious stuff. Esther and I snacked there during our ice skating outings. They were nice.

The haircut, however, was $18.50 of TOTAL BULLSHIT!!! Like… eh… I can’t describe it. My hair is short, but that’s it. Because I have a naturally round head, I look like a pentagon with the pointy part facing downward. Drat! And my sideburns were uneven! The guy seemed okay, I don’t think I’d like him as a person but he seemed… professional enough. I could almost hear his opinions leaking out of his lips talking about something REALLY stupid. I think it was racial but I think I’m just getting overly sensitive…

Actually, no. I think he was complaining about how someone was late. Yeah, and the entire day I was thinking that Americans are shitty people because we demand everyone else to be so punctual. Like, fucking hell. That’s why I didn’t like him. Shitty reason, honestly. Maybe that’s why my hair looks dumb. I’ll gel it back soon.

I lost my hairbrush at the party. So, I guess it’s good I still have a comb. That’ll do for now but I’ll need a hairbrush again or a less thick comb? I guess less thick, just too many teeth. Hurts my thick hair. Oh, and silver is easier to spot now. Drat. I considered dying my hair before so I might again. Hrm…

Driving back, a Chevy Camero cut my off. I was pretty angry. Lost my temper. It wasn’t that bad but it was the first time in a while. Not bad. Still, this dude almost pinned be between his shitty Chevy and a relatively large moving truck. Not a full on semi but still bigger than the average truck on the road. I would have been pissed.

I don’t like driving Adela’s car because I’M responsible for it. If it get’s wrecked, that’s my fault. I don’t like that feeling so it stresses me out. I plan to go back and get my truck. My mom is offering to come back in July with it, but I declined. Mostly, because I need to pack things because I don’t intend to come back. And I also want to visit a friend in Dallas. I think she’ll bring my truck in July. Hopefully, I’ll be gone by then. Idk.

Had Whataburger today, too. Not sure if I mentioned that. I think I did. Don’t suggest it. The service was kind of rude. I compared all these workers to myself and I felt… ashamed on their behalf. Like, I know the job sucks but have a bit more optimism. Fucking god damn. It’s soul draining but I still spend most my work days smiling.

I’m great at customer service, too good even. That’s how I got the cemetery job. I don’t suggest it.

Anyways, I think that’s everything… I wanted to watch Ferdinand a while back because it’s a movie about a gentle bull and the message is bullfighting is cruel. It’d be great if it wasn’t for the fact that JOHN CENA is a voice actor in it. Like, fuck you, John. I hate you and your dumb fucking face. “Can’t see me” I wish I couldn’t, I really do. You never served in the military, either which confuses a lot of people because they seem to think you have. “Oh, it’s just a character!” No, fuck that character. If it’s a character, then change your god damned name. I hate his dumb face, I hate his dumb voice, and I hate everything he stands for. Oh, you salute because you respect those serving in the military? Every fucking day I worked in December, I saw a dumb CGI movie with DUMB fucking penguins called “Surfs Up 2!!!!” with INCREDIBLY WACKY HIJINKS HUR HUR HUR and his dumb penguin representation saluting smuggly. No! Stop it! Stop that! You piece of shit penguin fuck! I hate you and your dumb penguin face thinking “I’LL SALUTE ON THE BOX ART, HUR HUR HUR!!!” Stop it! Stop it.

Like… eh… I think it was a cheap movie anyways, but… eh… I’m sure the makers asked them what they wanted to be because one of the wrestlers is an otter? Idk, I don’t care enough to watch and find out. It’s just John Cena is dumb. The fact that he’s a meme is also dumb.

Oh, and a few days ago? I got a prank phone call. A little kid claiming to be John Cena. Oh, I hope he calls back. I’ll start checking caller ID and I’ll fuck with him when he calls. Please, let this brat child call back. I’ll tell him the name and inform him that his parents have an account with us and they’ll be charged a fee for “Inconvenience Calls” and that the only way to get rid of this fee is to have his parents explain why they called. So, this dumb and gullible little child will talk to his parents and tell them they have to call Dollar General because of some contrived lie. Hopefully, he’ll mention John Cena. I’m sure they’d laugh.

Anyways… I really let loose on John Cena. But I refuse to see ANY movie with him in it. Maybe he’s an alright guy in person, I don’t know because I think everything about him is dumb. Ferdinand is supposed to be a Spanish bull. So get a Spaniard to voice act. They got a bunch of Mexicans and Mexican-Americans to voice act in Coco. Why should Ferdinand be any different? That’s dumb. -,- That said, I do want to keep Bullfighting alive in MN. As it’s fictitious, I can do whatever I want with it. So bullfighting… without killing the bull. It’ll be great but I’ll have to work on it. Basically, the swords are replaced with a non-deadly rubber sword. It basically becomes a dance with death at that point. Eh? Eh?! Eh… I’ll work on it.

It’s 12:09. I work in… 8 hours. I wake up in 6. Time to go. Good night, I’ll keep talking tomorrow. If I forgot something, I’ll bring it up then. :D

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