#the first love of his life dies horribly in his arms

[verymuchsoyes]

Upon rewatching, it's clear that RayV is the saddest, wettest creature, but he doesn't behave in that pathetic way Fraser and RayK do, so his suffering gets overlooked

[iridescenttttttt]

Sit down it’s time to talk about how all of the characters in TSAMs are deeply traumatized and flawed and most actions that the characters take that people are frustrated by can be explained if you consider that the trauma plays a huge role in the actions they take in response to stressful situations they’re constantly being put in.

[suiana]

(yandere! demon harem x gn! human reader) (reader is human)

"i think it's working! i see their shape-"

"cursed satan! our blood sweat and tears are finally paying off? we'll finally see a real human?"

"kya kya kya! I'm so excited!"

your ears ring loudly, your hands clutching the sides of your head as you let out a soft whimper. what the hell just happened?! one moment you were in your room lazing around, the next a magic ring formed below you and now you're... in hell?

is this hell? did you die?

you weren't quite sure if it was. it certainly looked dark and eerie with the current setting you wer ein Right now having skulls everywhere. but seeing the horribly demonic creatures in front of you talk in minecraft enchantment table confirmed everything you suspected.

that you were dead. probably.

"u-um... am i dead-"

"huzzah! the human has been summoned! they're so tiny!"

"oh my satan below! look at them..! they look just like an angel..."

"kya! i want to eat them! look at their confused face!"

you stare at the three demons who were surrounding you, blinking slowly before you let out a shaky sigh. were they talking about how many sins you've committed? the amount of times you jerked off to fictional characters? is that what the book in their hands were? a list of all your wrong doings?

you immediately submerged yourself in a depressive state, frowning as you begin to silently regret all your life choices up until now. damn it, you should've jerked off one last time before you died-

meanwhile, the demons were discussing what dinner they should give you.

"kya! do you think that the human will enjoy goat broth with human meat?"

"no no! allow them to eat elven tarts first! those are nice!"

"you fools, we should ask them first."

one of the demons mumble, arms crossed across his toned chest before the other two demons nod excitedly, turning towards you. their grimoire was immediately throw away, hitting a poor skull off the shelf.

oof.

anyway!

"ahem... human, allow us to introduce ourselves... we are-"

"kya! demons!"

"yes! and we're so excited to have you here!"

"worry not, you aren't dead. we just summoned you because we wanted to have a human for our experiment."

the three of them suddenly talk in english, eagerly looking down at you with wide grins. you wouldn't have been so thrown off if not for the fact that their teeth were so sharp and they looked like they were about to chop you up for their so called 'experiment'.

you gulp nervously, opening your mouth to ask them what type of experiment. but it looks like they read your mind or something.

"kya! it's a love experiment! don't worry!"

"yes! don't you worry too much cute human! we will never ever hurt you! maybe love you too much though..."

"mn, that's right. we are just conducting an experiment..."

the calmer of the three pauses mid sentence, approaching you as he suddenly bends down to your height, his demonic appearance closing in on your face. your heart races, feeling his hot breath on your skin before you feel your mind go blank at his words.

"where we see how long it takes for a human to fall for three demons. specifically three that are obsessed with said human already."

...

huh?

just... what the hell was going on?!

[witchesverse]

life & death

pairing: agathario x reader

summary/request: the oldest deities, life and death, fall in love with a human but everything falls apart when her child dies. centuries later, you meet your past lovers on the witches' road.

content: angst without a happy ending, mention of death, crying, agatha being angry and hurt.

masterlist

You have been around since the start of life and since then, you have only managed to fall in love with two witches.

One of the witches was your complete opposite and not in a personality or aesthetic way, but in a way that she took life whilst you gave life. She was Death and you were Life. You would think that Death and Life would not be able to stand each other, but you craved each other.

For a very, very long time, she and you were each other's only lovers. Until you met Agatha Harkness. It was unbelievable that two of the oldest deities fell in love with a human, but it had happened.

Alas, it fell apart.

You had breathed life into the child growing in Agatha's stomach and all was good. His heartbeat was strong and you could feel his life churning through his body. Then, you felt nothing.

For the first time in existence, Life had fought Death.

It was wrong. It went against the natural order of life and death. But you could not bear to watch Death take away one of your most precious creations.

So, the boy lived for six years.

When Death came back for a second time, you couldn't fight her. It broke both of your hearts to watch Agatha cry and beg.

But even love cannot stop the natural order.

Once he was taken by Death, your relationship with the witches' was killed.

There was deep hatred in Agatha's heart for Life and Death. She hated how you did not keep the life in him and she hated how Death took the life. After that, everyone went their separate ways. The only connection you had with Death was feeling her take the life from your creations.

But centuries later, you met your lovers on The Witches' Road.

A grin was plastered across Rio's face as Agatha clawed at her and screamed in anguish.

"I hate you!" Agatha practically growled.

Rio turned to you with a dramatic surprised look on her face. "Do you hear that, my love? Agatha hates me! That's news I haven't heard before."

You stared at her, unsure of how to reply. Rio had always been the more sarcastic and cruel one, but her sarcasm seemed too cruel.

Agatha grunted, turned away and walked hastily down the Road.

Her coven glanced between the three of you with a look of confusion on their face.

You sighed. This was going to be horrible.

And so it was.

Rio continued to make comments towards Agatha, which only angered her. There were a few times you thought Agatha was going to slap her across the face.

You hadn't said much. Being Life, you preferred to watch people interact. You have done your job by breathing life into them, and now you can watch them use that life to their own liking.

It was as you all sat around a campfire you found yourself talking.

"I have a scar." Rio abruptly spoke.

Agatha laughed. "No, you don't."

Yes, I do." She insisted, glancing over at you and locked eyes. You shifted awkwardly under her gaze.

"A long time ago, Y/n and I had to do something we really didn't want to do, but it was my job and I had to do it."

Agatha stiffened.

"And in the process, we deeply hurt someone who we both love." You continued as you understood who she was talking about.

"And she is my scar," Rio concluded.

You wanted to say more, but Agatha stood and muttered something about needing fresh air. Naturally, Rio and you followed her.

Agatha stood in the middle of a deeper part of the forest. Now, that you were further away from the coven, you could feel how strong her life was and that made you smile.

You brushed your hand against Agatha's arm but she pulled away. "Don't."

"Agatha, you know we couldn't control it."

Wrong words. There were unshed tears in Agatha's eyes and her brow furrowed. You watched as pure anger filled her eyes before sadness washed over.

"Couldn't control it?" Her voice wavered with emotion. "You are Life and she is Death. What the hell do you mean you couldn't control it?"

She dug her finger accusingly into your chest.

Rio grabbed her finger and stepped into her personal space. Agatha tried to pull away but Rio kept a tight grip on her.

"I understand you are angry, but-"

"Angry? Are you fucking serious, right now?" Agatha made a noise of disbelief. "I feel furious, hurt, abandoned, heartbroken, and lost. You both took my boy away from me and expect me to just be angry? You are unbelievable."

You swallowed roughly. You had imagined this exact situation millions of times in your head, but now that it was actually happening, you didn't know how to react.

"Agatha, I loved Nicky dearly and taking his soul was the last thing I wanted to do. I gave you something that has never been given in all existence because I love you and him." Rio spoke calmly and sincerely, completely different from how she spoke sarcastically earlier.

"If you really loved me, you wouldn't have taken his life away." Her eyes flicked over to you. "And if you really loved me, you would've kept feeding him life."

"You're both monsters."

Those words stung. You bit your lip and held back tears from forming in your eyes. You didn't want to cry, not in front of them.

Being Life, you weren't used to being called cruel names. People praised and worshipped you. But being called such a cruel name by a person you loved broke your heart.

Agatha scoffed at the silence and walked back to the coven, leaving Rio and you alone.

Rio didn't seem as bothered by Agatha's words. Being Death, she was constantly called cruel names, therefore, she was used to it.

"It's okay to cry."

"I'm not going to cry." Your voice broke with emotion as you said that.

Rio sighed, pulling you into her embrace. You buried your face in the crook of her neck and you cried softly.

"Why can't she understand that we couldn't stop it?"

"Nobody will ever understand it. Humans think life and death are simple but don't realise how complicated it is."

Rio kissed your neck before pulling your face out of her neck and cupping it lovingly. She wiped your tears away with her thumb and sadly smiled.

It broke her heart that you were upset.

"I miss her." You sniffled. "I miss us."

Rio's brows furrowed and she wiped her own tears away. "I know."

You wrapped your arms around her neck and kissed her softly. Your heart fluttered and you relaxed in her hold. Kissing Rio was one of the most magical feelings.

When you broke apart, you rested your forehead against hers.

"Do you think she will ever forgive us?"

"No, I don't," Rio answered honestly.

You sniffled. Her answer broke you but it was the truth.

No matter what, Agatha would never forgive you for what you did. You will always be considered a monster to her.

[coichii]

SUNFLOWER - HAN

pairing - spiderman!bf!han ♥︎ fem!reader

genre: angst & comfort

word count: 1.8k

warnings: cursing, reader thinks Han died, shitty writing that I thought was good at first

summary : Han led a double life, being your loveable boyfriend to Spiderman in the blank of an eye, obviously always putting himself in harms way for the sake of Brooklyn. You knew this about him, doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare you to death whenever he gets hurt.

A tap on the window stops your thoughts.

It’s 10pm on a Tuesday, so a knock on the window of your 7 floor apartment building in the middle of a dangerous city isn’t very, well, welcoming.

Carefully, you stand up, not failing to grab the hard baseball bat laying in you closet for moments like these.

Slowly and quietly, you make your way to the window, opening it and putting your weapon into batting position before your eyes lock onto the man behind the glass.

“Woah woah, baby. It’s just me.” Han defends, holding his arms in the air as if he had just been wrongly convicted. “Why do you have the bat.”

“Damnit Hannie! How many times have I told you to stop doing that!” You huff out, dropping the baseball bat out your hands as he chuckles and climbs in.

“Hey, honey~.” He teases in a sing song voice, wrapping his arms around your torso after closing the window. You can feel the warmth of his body, but you’re still upset.

“I’m going to seriously hit you if you keep doing that.” You pout, turning your head from him in fake anger; it’s hard to be mad at him for long.

“Don’t worry, cutie. It won’t hurt anyways.” He winks, causing an even deeper pout to form on your lips.

“Hmm, you still upset? Lemme kiss that pout off your lips then.” He grins, then he’s kissing you.

It’s sweet and slow, saying words lips can’t. His hands move from around your torso to your waist, giving the flesh a tight squeeze. You love kisses like these with him so much that you can almost forget what you had seen on tv earlier in the day.

Keyword : almost

A highly wanted criminal had escaped the prison early in the morning, and Han— well, SpiderMan was tasked with stopping him, which he didn’t.

They had ran into eachother near the Brooklyn Museum, and things escalated from there. Spiderman was injured slightly, and while you know that he heals fast, knowing exactly who was under that costume made your heart ache every time he got so much as a scratch on his body.

You pull away slowly, and Han furrows his brows. “Baby, are you still hurt?”

He bites his lip, the look in his eyes turning almost somber. He doesn’t like when you worry about him, not because he doesn’t like the attention, but because it makes him feel guilty.

Sometimes he wishes he could take all the worry you have about him and bury it far away, but he knows that for as long as he wears that suit, you’ll be worried about him.

“I’m fine, y/n. Don’t worry about me, okay?” He consoles, giving you one last peck on the lips. “Why don’t you get some sleep while I finish some paperwork work, hmm, bubs? It’s late.”

You frown at this, studying the look on his face intensely before you move away and sigh.

“Okay. You’ll be in bed soon though right?” You look up at him, and he can’t help but put his smile back on his face.

“In no more than an hour, hun.” He assures, moving towards the bathroom to take a quick shower before starting. “I won’t be long”

You make your way to the one bedroom in your shared apartment, mind still caught up in the events of the day.

You knew that the one who had escaped was very dangerous and had hurt hundreds of people before he was finally locked up for good. The fact that he was now free formed an aura of uneasiness around you and the entirety of New York City, and it was evident.

The streets were quieter; a horrible sign in the city that never seems to sleep. You could feel it in the air that everyone was on high alert, including your boyfriend.

The paper work he was doing? All of it was connected to him. He was a serious threat, and it was scaring you. The last thing you wanted was for Han to get seriously injured.

It’s happened once before when you guys had already been dating for a while, right around the time he told you that he was Spiderman.

He got beat up pretty brutally, and it had struck a fear in you that you hadn’t even known existed.

The fear of losing him.

That night when he returned, you held on to him and cried for hours. He desperately tried to comfort you, running his hands across your back and telling you he was fine.

Even if he was though, you’d still worry about him.

How could you not.

◂—♥︎—▸

It’s 5pm now, and you had just got off of work.

As you walk through the city, the feelings of brisk, autumn air soothing you, you realize it’s been too quiet. Even quieter than it had been yesterday.

You hadn’t been on your phone since it’s muted during your work hours, and you like to keep it that way until you get to your apartment, but you’re starting to think you should check it.

Nevertheless, you keep your regular pattern, walking until you reach the familiar building and door, walking in.

The anxiety is still eating at you, so you’re not surprised when you find your self turning on your TV and going to your local news station.

What does surprise you though, is when you see a live video of Spiderman laying on the harsh concrete clutching his side.

The air leaves your lungs, being filled with something else. Something thin, something dreadful.

It’s fear.

Your fearful eyes are glued to the screen. You want to look away, but it’s as if there’s an invisible force forcing you to stare at the TV.

It’s your worst fear broadcasted on live television, and there’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is let the tears roll pitifully down your cheeks as the reports ramble on and on about his health, but you don’t want to listen. All you can do is pray.

Pray that those days where he held you weren’t going to come to an end. Pray that the times where he would swoop you up and take you to the roof of various buildings wouldn’t come to a close. Pray that even while it pissed you off, he would still be crawling through that window in your bedroom at the dead of night. That’s all you needed.

Him.

◂—♥︎—▸

You don’t know how long you had been there, but you don’t flinch when you hear the apartment door crack open.

You do move when you see who walks through the door.

There, a very beat up Jisung makes his way through the door, bruises and scars littering his arms. Cuts are all over his pretty face, causing a red tint all over. That’s all you can see through his tank top and long pants, but you know it must be worse.

You don’t know how you process all that, because once you register that it’s him, your running towards him faster than you’ve ever ran.

“J-Ji.?” You manage to stutter out, touching his skin delicately as if he could shatter, and honestly, you were scared he would. “Ji! O-oh my god! I t-thought you d-died!”

He grabs onto your hips, pulling you into his chest and rubing your back to console you. It usually works, but today, it’s only making the tears flow harder.

“What? Sweetheart, I’m fi-“ but you weren’t hearing it.

“Fine..? FINE!? You were not fine! I watched you lay there on the ground almost dead and you want to tell me you were fine?! I don’t know how much longer I can sit there and watch you ALMOST DIE, just for you to come home and say you’re fine, Han! I can’t take it.”

Your rambling angrily, stopping when you read the look in hans eyes.

fear & despair

“W-what do you mean by how much longer. Please don’t m-mean what I think you mean.” You can see the tears forming in his eyes as he pieces together your words and your shacked with guilt, taking a deep breath before speaking again.

“No. I don’t mean that at all. I-I’m just emotional. Just g-give me a minute to think, and then we can talk.” You whisper that last sentence, turning around and walking out of the shared living room, leaving behind a very shattered Jisung standing there, hand out as if to reach for you, but missing.

Missing by a long, long, shot.

◂—♥︎—▸

It’s not too long until you find yourself walking out of the bedroom, finding Han laying on the couch, seemingly staring into nothing, and this only makes you feel more guilty.

“Hey.” You start, seeing as Hans head swiftly turns towards your direction, eyebags heavy.

Have these tears always been blocking your vision?

“Listen. I am so, so, so sorry for how I acted. It was so wrong of me to yell and scream at you when you were still injured, especially to the point you would think I would even ever consider breaking up with you. I don’t want you to think being Spiderman is a burden for me, I was just emotionally overwhelmed and I am sorry.” You start, watching as his eyes slowly start to twinkle with tears.

Have these tears always been rolling down your cheeks?

“I just…can’t stand watching you get hurt. The thought of you.. n-not coming home kills me. You mean the most to me that anything or anyone ever has in all of my lifetimes, and the thought of losing you? It fucking scares me. But I shouldn’t have yelled at you or pushed you away. I’m sorry, Ji.”

He’s sat up by now, grabbing your hands in his. His eyes are sunken, and he still has various scars on his face, but the bruises have faded by now. You wish you could kiss all his pain away, but it’s hard to when it’s the emotional kind now and you feel as if it’s your fault.

“It’s okay, I understand. But listen to me, that’s never going to happen. I’m never ever going to leave you here by yourself. You will always have me. Until we grow old and much farther, I will never leave you.”

His words fill you with the sort of comfort you hadn’t felt for a long time, settling the aching in your heart that you carried for longer than you care to remember.

You knew there was going to be countless times where he was going to get endangered in the future, and you were never going to stop worrying about him. But for now, you felt at peace with him, your Spiderman.

Your hero.

back to masterlist

A/N : oh my goodness… proofreading this day of post is hard. I write a story and think it’s hits, then I go back and read it and it’s horrible…

[ashwhowrites]

Older Eddie (like maybe 5-10 years) finds out you’re pregnant and he leaves because he said he wants to live a life without fear of dragging a kid down. He comes back before reader has the baby and wants to be involved and the reader struggles to let him be and you pick the ending!

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you for requesting 🫶🏻

Runaway daddy

Eddie had the mentality of never growing up since he was a teenager. He didn't want to work until he died, a girlfriend was cool but marriage was too much of a commitment, and he did not want to be held down by a family.

His parents left him behind, and he was raised by Wayne. Wayne seemed fine never having his own kid and Eddie asked him about it. Wayne said it was easier to be alone and not suffer from the thought of being a horrible husband and father. Eddie understood that and he lived by it.

Then he made the mistake of falling in love. Her name was Y/N; she was younger, smart, and beautiful. She brought new emotions to Eddie's world and spun him all over the place. He tried to fight it at first, pushing her away and never letting her get close enough to change him. But she fought back and was determined that she could make him fall in love, and he did.

He was smitten by her. He worshipped the ground she walked on and felt safe in her embrace. She took care of him in a way he craved his whole life. She was the first person to make him feel loved. And that whenever she looked at him, he felt worthy to be standing in front of her.

Eddie should have known it would all come crashing down. Nothing good lasts forever and why would he be an exception? He was lucky enough to be loved by her for the past three years, he wasn't going to be lucky for the rest of his life.

It all crashed on top of him when he found the test in the trash. It was buried, clearly meant to stay hidden. It wasn't like he tried to find it, he was taking out the trash and dumped it. The test landed facing up and he felt everything in his body freeze, his heart, his blood, hell even his soul. He broke out into a nervous sweat and closed the trash bin.

He went back inside, quickly racing to the bathroom again with the trash in his hand. He went over to the sink and splashed cold water on his face, but nothing settled the anxiety he felt in his stomach. He prayed it was a false positive and that's why she hadn't mentioned it. He hoped there would be some type of miracle.

~~~

A week passed and he barely got any sleep. He held her in his arms as she slept peacefully, but his stomach turned as he thought about a baby growing in hers. He didn't want a baby, he couldn't be a father. How did it even happen? He did everything in his power to have safe sex just so this wouldn't happen.

He sighed as he got home from work, he swore he was losing hair from all the stress.

"Hey baby, dinner is about finished," she greeted as he walked into the kitchen. Eddie looked around the kitchen, the table was set with candles and flowers. It was a romantic sight, but he feared what it meant.

He was silent as he sat down at the table, smiling as she placed a plate in front of him. He felt like he could puke at any second but he tried his best to pick at his food.

"So, I have some news for you," she said, her smile was so big. She looked so damn happy and excited, she wanted this. "I took a test a week ago but I wanted to confirm before I said anything. But I went to the doctor today and I'm pregnant!" She beamed as the words left her lips. A bright light in her eyes that he had never seen before. Her hands landed on his as she waited for his response.

He gulped as he felt the need to puke but choked it down. He slipped his hand out from hers, and her face fell slightly. But she recovered quick and placed her hands on his again.

"It's okay to be scared, we'll be scared together,"

"I don't know how to say this gently, but I don't want a baby," he admitted

He felt horrible as he watched her face fall and tears immediately filled her eyes.

"What?" she whispered, her voice cracking. This time she removed her hands from his.

"I'm not ready! I mean we aren't even married!" Eddie panicked, standing up from his chair

"Who's fault is that? It's been three years, Eddie! I would marry you in a second, baby or not" Y/N replied, keeping her calm as he paced around the room.

"We are not having this baby" Eddie scoffed, shaking his head as he placed his hands on the chair, leaning over it.

"Excuse me?"

"I can't be a dad, Y/N. I know I can't and I don't want to be. I love you more than anything, I'm sorry but I'm not doing this" Eddie explained, his eyes apologetic as she sniffled.

"Doing this? You're sorry that you refuse to have a family with me?" Y/N snapped, standing up.

"It's nothing personal! I don't want a baby with anybody" Eddie defended, she came toe to toe with him.

"So where does that leave us? Because I'm having this baby" She declared through clenched teeth

"Then I'm leaving" Eddie threatened. He didn't want to break up or leave her. But he didn't want to have a kid, someone he could disappoint and ruin, someone he would drag down.

Eddie watched as anger filled her eyes, a slight light of hatred that made his body quiver. Maybe he should have been honest that he was scared. And maybe he should have given himself a chance before immediately turning to walk away.

"Well, I guess it is a good thing we aren't married, because once you walk out that door, fucking leaving me and your baby behind just like your scum of a father, you have no reason to ever show your face again. Now get the hell out!" She yelled, tears flying down her face as she raced to the bathroom.

Eddie sighed as he heard the door slam and the echo of her sobs bouncing off the walls. He stood there for a few minutes, trying to think if walking away was what he wanted. There still might be something left to save, all he had to do was knock on the bathroom door.

He took a deep breath and began walking down the hallway. He stopped once he hit the bathroom, his hand softly touched the doorknob. Then a static of electricity burned his fingers, he hissed as he pulled back.

He was a coward so he took it as a sign. He passed by the door and into the bedroom, packing up his part of her life.

~~~

The first few weeks without Eddie were more painful than Y/N imagined. There were so many moments she wished he was there. When she got morning sickness, she wanted him to rub her back and tell her it was okay. But the cold floor of the bathroom reminded her she was on her own.

Her bed was empty, but his body was still formed on the sheets. This was supposed to be their home, this was where she wanted their kids to grow up. In a way, she got what she wanted but she didn't think she'd lose him because of it.

She wanted to blame herself. They had been together for years and it was her mistake to never ask questions about marriage and children. If she was smarter then she wouldn't have been so torn apart now.

The more she was alone, the stronger she became. Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. Eddie was still long gone and she had no idea where he ran to, half of her cared and wanted to call. But she already hurt herself enough and didn't want to beg a man to come back to her. And she didn't want to use her baby as a reason.

She did everything she could to be prepared. She read books and took classes. Her anxiety and fear started to wash away, excitement took over and she found herself finally being happy.

Eddie couldn't say the same. He heard in movies and books that the whole world changes once love is taken away. He couldn't believe that was right. But he did because he was alone in Wayne's trailer hating himself as each minute passed.

He chose this, he knew. He put himself in hell because he was afraid of something new. He was scared of that commitment to her and to the baby. It killed him to know he was just like his father. He spent years hating that man, wondering how a child could be so terrifying that running was the only option. He wondered why he couldn't just stay and learn a family is nothing to be scared about. He knew his father wouldn't have the answers because Eddie had none.

It was selfish, point blank. Instead of taking responsibility, he left her to deal with it all alone. He thought of calling, begging for forgiveness, begging for her. But he wasn't sure if that's what she wanted. She seemed to hate him when he left, and he didn't blame her. He didn't want to cause her more hurt by showing back up at her door. He wished he knew what she wanted.

Once a month passed, Eddie couldn't keep running away. He missed her and he hated being without her. He talked himself up as he reached for the phone.

He dialed the familiar number and listened as it rang.

"Hello?"

Eddie felt nervous once he heard her voice

"Hey, it's Eddie. Can we talk?" He asked if she said no, he'd move on. But he wanted at least one last fighting chance.

"About what, Eddie?" He could tell by her voice she was irritated

"Can I come over?" said

~

Eddie nervously knocked on the door, offering a small smile once she came into view. She stepped aside and let him walk in.

They sat in silence on the couch for a few moments before he got the nerve to speak.

"I want to start with that I am so sorry," he turned his body to face hers but she looked down at her lap. "I'm sorry for the fight, the words I said, the pain I caused, and for leaving."

"Did it solve anything?" she asked, looking towards him. "Did leaving and running away take away the fear and responsibility? Did you get to relax this last month because you knew your part was over?" Her voice got more snappish as she spoke.

"It solved nothing, and I will admit that. I felt horrible for just leaving and feel even worse knowing I was prepared to do exactly what my dad did. I don't want to be him and I don't want to be alone like Waybe. Baby," he said softly, his warm hand holding hers, "I love you, and being with you has taught me that even when I'm scared, you are with me. I won't be alone, I'll have you. I know I made a mess of everything and ruined something so special. I hate that I took that excitement away. But I want to do this, I want to be a dad to our baby."

Y/N bit her lip as she thought. She wasn't sure she wanted Eddie to be involved with her, but their baby was a different story. Their baby deserved to have them both. She slipped her hand out of his and held it herself.

"I'll give you another chance to be a dad. But I'm not ready to give you another chance at being my boyfriend. This month away was hard, and I needed you here. I want to be with someone who would be there no matter what, and I don't think that is you." she explained.

"You don't want to get back together?" Eddie choked out, he could feel his eyes tearing up.

"As of right now, no Eddie."

"I understand," and he did. It sucked and upset him, but he was the reason.

"But we will co-parent and our baby is our only focus right now," Y/N said

"I can do that," he said, "We're going to have a baby!" he cheered, a real smile on his face.

He was scared, but he knew it would be okay.

"I'm scared too, but we got this," she said wrapping her arms around Eddie into a hug. He hugged her back and melted in the comfort of her arms.

The baby was the main focus now, but getting her back was right behind.

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlx @ineedmentalhelp123

[mooncleaver]

Love Is The Reason

ღ pairing: gojo satoru x fem!reader, familial fushiguro megumi x fem!reader

ღ warnings: MAJOR JJK268 SPOILERS. pls don't read if you don't wanna know!! slightly cannon divergent

What the hell.

His ears didn't stop ringing as he brought his body up from its position on the surprisingly soft surface, feeling every ache known to man throbbing all over. Megumi felt the cosmic numbness ebbing away like a flash, and suddenly, he could discern the warm cotton wrapped around his upper body along with the linen sheets that lay beneath him. The three—out of many—scars on his face pulled his skin tautly, so close to his eyes where that devil's face wore his for however long this limbo period was. It hurt to open his eyes. Well, it hurt to do anything, but he's thankful that he can see the world through his own view.

Megumi's ears perk up to the sound of poorly attempted hushed arguments. The sound was so familiar that for once in his life, he was relieved to hear it. To feel that irritation ticking in his chest, the mindless crease that's fully starting to make itself known on his forehead and that growing scowl—he could truly cry at the return of bodily autonomy.

Nobara was trying to fit herself inside a present-shaped cardboard box while Yuji stood next to the thing, pushing down the lid on top of her head, which ruffled the strands like crazy. Of course, the girl would not stand for this butchering of her beauty. She spent a lot of time trying to look presentable. Not that this pink-haired fool would understand.

Megumi is hit with a deep sense of dejavu as he sits up against the headboard, looking back at the memory of Gojo doing the same exact surprise tactic to announce that Yuji was, in fact, not dead after his literal heart got ripped out of his chest. The boy can feel a smile forming on his lips, and he makes no move to try and stop it.

"What are you two doing?"

He sees Yuji and Nobara freeze in their spots, both eyes widening comically. A second passes before the two let go of whatever it was they were contending about, rushing forward to stick their faces into Megumi's. The former vessel looks—well, he looks like he's had better days. He's thankfully clean of all the blood oozing out of his skin when he fought Sukuna for the last time, his usual uniform with the red hoodie looking incredibly pristine, absent of any rips or blood. Still, some are sticking onto his face, notably a darker shade cutting down across his eyebrows as the dried blood clings onto his wounds. Nobara looks happier. God, he thought she died. He was ready to mourn her with all the losses he'd suffered, but for once, Megumi was glad to hear her voice. He welcomes it. She's wearing a black eyepatch on top of the eye that she lost fighting Mahito, and her uniform is equally as clean as Yuji's—Megumi can tell that she's relieved by that fact.

Finally, they're back together again. The trio of first years with lost dreams who've gone through horrible, terrible things now have found hope again—hope that never died within each other.

"Fushiguro!!" The two yell in unison, going in to hug him despite knowing he didn't usually like that kind of thing. But to their honest surprise, Megumi returned the gesture, fully and truly, closing his eyes and letting out a breath. Yuuji and Nobara didn't hesitate to tighten their arms around the spiky-haired boy, be damned the near-death exhaustion clinging to their bones. They may be battered and bruised, but they survived.

After a quiet moment, the momentum was back again as Nobara looked at the two boys with a disgruntled expression, her exaggerated self on display at the lack of reaction to her return. "You know, the class's Madonna, who everyone thought was dead, by the way, turned out to be alive?! You two should be either wetting yourself or crying with joy!"

Megumi didn't even bat an eye, unlike Yuji, who was scrambling out of his mind, replying to her in his usual stoic and flat voice. "I see. My bad."

"So, the bastard is dead then." The Fushiguro didn't phrase that like a question, more so stating a fact. The fact that he was here in his own body, alive and breathing, undoubtedly meant that the curse was dead. It was still surreal to utter, knowing that this was the one thing they'd all been fighting for since forever. Maybe now, everyone who was gone didn't die in vain.

Nobara sounded like she was still in disbelief, shaking her head slightly while she grinned and exclaimed, "Ha! Yeah! Itadori beasted that guy like it was a piece of cake!"

"Eh.. well, it was pretty tough, I'm not gonna lie. I cried a little when resonance was hit." Yuji himself could only scratch the back of his neck at the rare praise, his eyes crinkling into thin lines as he admitted his own emotions. It was kind of daunting to be the one who killed Sukuna with the fact that he used to be the curse's vessel. But out of everything, making that final blow was something he didn't once hesitate on. Yuji was going to finish all this madness. It all started with him and ended with him—the way it should be.

Megumi didn't sound too surprised at the boy's admission, only giving him a look in response. "I know. I saw everything happening inside Sukuna."

"Ugh... don't even remind me. Well, at least you two have the shared experience of being a vessel now." No matter how sour the fact was, it was true.

Breaking his thoughts, Yuji suddenly lit up as he shifted through his pants pockets, haphazardly pulling out the crumpled pieces of paper in his hand. "Oh, wait guys. I have something for you two. It's from Gojo-sensei. Gojo-san, too, I think."

The pink-haired boy grew incredibly sullen at the mention of both his teachers. He'd miss calling out to the two Gojo's, mixing the couple up despite your previous urgings to the students of simply calling you by your first name. Of course, your husband would not absolutely have that, sneakily going behind your back and basically forcing his students to call you Gojo, too. If he couldn't get the second years to follow, he'd make his own kids do it. The man would not pass on the chance of hearing people call you by your shared last name.

"A letter.." Megumi looked shocked at the fact. His sensei (and self-proclaimed dad who stepped up) never did this kind of thing—seriously, that is.

Growing up with Gojo and his wife, Megumi knew the white-haired sorcerer never strayed away from being lighthearted and childlike. Despite witnessing the lanky heir change from the bratty 18-year-old who approached him as a child in the streets into the mature, married man he was the last time, it just wasn't in his nature to be doing some sentimental things like this. That was more like something you'd do. From the daily lunch notes, deep-meaning gifts (that he still kept to this day), and the affectionate texts you'd always send, he would wager that you might've been the one to drag your husband to write the letters. But, knowing that Gojo probably had a feeling that he wouldn't make it out of the fight, it's not impossible that this truly came from him.

Nobara chuckled at his tone of voice, silently agreeing with his disbelief. Gojo was definitely not the type to do this.. it unsettled her.

"I feel you.. this is totally not like him. It's slightly gross to even imagine him writing letters.."

Though, after reading, she crushed the piece of paper in her hand, pursing her lips. Yuji noticed this, facing her to ask what it said. With slight hesitation, Nobara revealed that it contained information about her mother's whereabouts. To be honest, she wasn't sure how to feel. Some part of her still longed to feel her love.

"Oh, did you even want to know in the first place?"

She shook her head as she looked down, leaving no room for the topic to be continued. "Not at all."

Suddenly, they heard the very, very rare sound of Megumi's laughter ringing out from the bed. Gojo would've bawled knowing he made his son laugh. It took a moment for them to snap out of the shock, seeing the fresh face of their friend's smile. He looked like a brand new person—content, young and carefree. It was refreshing.

Megumi hasn't felt this happy in a long while. He expected that the message wouldn't be some deep, meaningful thing, but out of everything, it was a joke about how he killed his biological dad. He wasn't sad, surprisingly. Megumi never really knew the man that left him and his sister to fend for themselves, and the memories he had of him weren't great. At least he found some closure. The boy shook his head, reading the familiar and large handwriting of his father figure. You'd think that it'd be messy, but as the former heir of the Gojo clan, Satoru was a trained guy in the art of handwriting. He wouldn't be caught dead with scribbles.

Unfortunately your father isn't around anymore!! Cuz I killed him!! Sowwy!! :P

Short, simple, and kind of foolish.

He bit back a grin. Even in death, the man couldn't take anything seriously.

Beneath it was a softer and more serious note. From you, of course. Megumi did not doubt that you wrote this to make up for your husband's short message, writing a heartfelt one that he could sense even before reading. The two of you must've known that this was not a fight you would come out of. And as much as that hurt him, Megumi was glad that he was in your last thoughts. It meant a lot to know that you and Gojo believed he, Nobara, and Yuji would live through everything.

Firstly, don't take this idiot too seriously. If you're reading this megs, we're probably gone, but hey, you're okay! Live your life fully okay? Don't forget that you're still a kid in the end. We're always looking out for you, sweetheart. ♡

There was a chibi doodle in the bottom and a sweet greeting that said,

— Love you beyond infinity, mom & dad

Megumi could tell that this was Gojo's handwriting. It was meant as a joke (the boy didn't call Satoru dad very often, despite calling you mom. It was kinda cringe.) but he accepted that sincerely. You two were his parents, biological or not. He loves you so much.

And he'd promise that for you. For Satoru, too, to be honest.

To live life fully.

Ever since he knew what living meant, he never intended to live a proper life. The absence of his biological father and the death of his mother left an untreated wound in his heart, altering his mind in a way that left him isolated—a recluse from the world, almost. The only thing that used to keep him going was his sister, Tsumiki. Now she is really gone. But then, everything shifted when he first saw Gojo Satoru.

It was a big change to have people to look up to. To have a mother. Megumi called you mom way before he even considered Satoru as his father figure, and it was one of the most precious things in life. You never took that for granted, always spoiling him and treating him like he came from your own womb. You knew you'd never take the place of his biological mother, but you wanted to be someone the boy could rely on in such a cruel world. It was a bit strange when Satoru first brought up the idea of raising the Fushiguro boy. You were both still 18, barely even adults with so much pressure and responsibilities. But you knew, from the moment you saw this poor boy getting dragged home by your boyfriend, that you'd love him like no other.

You and Satoru gave him and Tsumiki a home. An unlikely one, but a home nonetheless. You gave him a love like no other, an unconditional, wholehearted, and absolute kind of love, even when the two of you were struggling. It was a type that couldn't be described by words and only felt. That, along with the friendship and true family he found within Nobara and Yuji, made him realize that even if he didn't live his life for himself, there were others in the world. Other people, whether that'd be a mother, a father, a sister, or a brother could give everything meaning. A reason to keep going.

At first, he only lived for Tsumiki. To use everything he had to save her. But then he found himself living for you, for Satoru, for Nobara and Yuji. Once more, he would try again. This wasn't a chance he'd take for granted.

Reading the note made Megumi feel a kind of warmth he hadn't felt in a long time. The kind that he last felt when you hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead before everything in Shibuya happened. That was probably the last time he saw you happy and alive. The world was dull when you died. A victim of that son of a bitch curse Mahito. That was a loss like no other, so incredibly painful and numbing.

At least you died in an honorable way.

After that, he didn't know how to function. Tsumiki, Nobara, and now you. The boy felt half of his soul chip away.

Your husband was even worse. Inconsolable. Watching his wife die in front of his eyes before getting sealed the second after. When the man came out of the prison realm, anyone could tell he wasn't the same. There was no chance the old Gojo would ever return. And sure, he was still lighthearted, but Megumi could tell there was a weight in his gait—the heavy burden of the loss of his darling wife dragging down every word that came out of his mouth. He saw the sadness, longing, anger, and pure vengeance in his eyes. It never did go away. Not even when Sukuna butchered the man in half. At least now, the two of you were together in the afterlife. Megumi truly hoped that. He didn't believe much in that kind of stuff, but for his mother and his father, he prayed for a final peace to be granted.

That hope—along with the one amongst the living pushed Megumi to go on. To not just survive but to really live. Even beyond that, there were others too. His cousin, Maki, who was thankfully alive, and even Toge and Panda.

This was love. That unanswered purpose of life. It's to give love and find love in others. Love is why people do crazy things: to sacrifice the world, to sacrifice themselves. That's why he kept living even when his own dad disappeared or why he kept fighting to keep his sister alive. Love is why, despite the grief, Satoru still fought for you, for your memory, and for your efforts. Love is the reason he's alive.

And if anything, Megumi learned that when you have people in your life, you'd do anything to keep them in it. That's what you and Satoru taught him. Waking up in his own body again and greeted by the sight of his best friends—that was one of the biggest blessings he has ever received.

For his family, he would do anything.

i'm fucking crying. like actually. 3 chapters to go until this manga ends and i still can't fathom everything happening bruv

btw, this is what i imagine the letter would look like haha. half cannonical cuz it's the panel translation!! excuse my handwriting um

also sorry this isn't really proofread lol, i really wanted to post!!

dividers @cafekitsune @i-mmaculatus

[spinji]

I think what gets me the most is that despite the villains losing, they all still got what they individually set out to achieve.

Tomura wanted to destory the causes of his suffering, and he was the one to deal the final blow to All For One. He wanted to destory society and how it thought about people like him, and he did. He just didn't invision what would sprout from the ashes of that society was kindness. It's small now but the helping hands he never recieved are starting to come forward and the tragedy is that he'll never see what his efforts ultimately did. The world would not be changing for the better if Tomura Shigaraki did not do everything to tear it apart and show where the problems lied.

Toga wanted to be loved, able to live the way she pleased and people would accept that. She died a free girl, not in the custody of cops or heroes but in the arms of someone she loved who wanted to learn everything about her and give that love back.

Dabi just wanted attention from his father and accountability for the horrible things he swept under the rug while he played hero to the public. Even if they're brief, he still gets the time and attention every day now. His father's dirty laundry is public knowledge thanks to his efforts but he still comes to talk to him every day and make up for his shortcomings on a personal level. His slow march towards death gets to be spent with the people he wanted the most.

Spinner wanted ambition. He wanted a purpose to his life that left an impact on the world, something that made him more than an empty shell. At first he achieved that through following Stain, then following Tomura, conviction to make it clear to the world that the people society tosses aside are still people. Now, even if it's through tears and gritted teeth, he has a purpose to the rest of his life: tell the story of Tomura Shigaraki. Not the villian who decimated Japan, but the friend who liked to play video games, and the hero that saved him from his old life.

[yanderes-galore]

What about a platonic yandere Aegon II with a daughter!reader after B+C?

Fell in love with this idea ON. SIGHT. Broke my own rules on this, my bad. I don't usually do young darlings, but for this it made the most sense. Don't expect stuff like this all the time... but I love the idea of Aegon, Helaena, and Aemond being platonic yanderes to Aegon's Daughter. Unfortunately no Daeron as he's not around during this period.

❗️SPOILERS FOR HOTD SEASON 2❗️

Yandere! Platonic! Aegon II with Daughter! Darling

(FT. Helaena + Aemond - Aftermath of Blood + Cheese)

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Obsession, Overprotective behavior, Child death/Murder, Blood, Manipulation, Fear of loss, Isolation, Mature language, Targcest (Aegon/Helaena), Medieval gender roles, Toxic family dynamics, Forced companionship.

First of all, let's talk about who you are.

In terms of being Aegon's daughter...

You could be one of his legitimate heirs with Helaena.

That or maybe you could be a bastard from one of his many flings. Perhaps one who later became a cupbearer for him?

Regardless of how... Aegon gets horrible after the death of Jaehaerys.

Before the assassination, Aegon isn't... very invested.

He's paying more attention to his first son, hyping Jaehaerys up as his heir.

He cares for you, but not as much as his first son.

He keeps an eye on you yet you're often with Helaena.

Helaena takes good care of you... even if your father is often busy.

You're well cared for, even as a bastard Helaena doesn't wish to leave you on your own.

Perhaps, as a dreamer/seer, she senses your fate beside Aegon and wants to aid you through it.

Your life is... decent within the Red Keep one way or another.

Things only really go downhill when the Blood + Cheese incident occurs.

Jaehaerys is murdered in the night due to assassins sent by Daemon.

The news is devastating.

Helaena spent the whole night with her mother, holding her remaining children and you in her arms.

You're older than the babe(s) when it all happens, perhaps a young kid (To make it make sense, you can probably age the characters up from canon)

In the morning... your father is furious.

Aegon's screaming at anyone he sees.

Maids, servants, the Small Council, his knights...

Anyone.

Aegon screams about Rhaenyra and her side killing his heir.

One would not think he is a man close to his children.

He only seemed to like Jaehaerys because he was a male heir.

That's what you thought, at least.

Until Aegon kept coming to your chambers.

You were often with Helaena before and after the death of your sibling.

So you were not expecting to see Aegon come in to pester you.

You are his by blood, you are his eldest daughter.

Aegon himself didn't realize how... affected he was.

He didn't know how grateful he was to have you until his son was murdered.

Aegon is a man doomed to lose all of his children in the end.

Perhaps even you.

Helaena knows this well and is worried when Aegon shows a sudden interest in you.

Aegon would get noticeably more... protective of you as his daughter.

He may have no eldest son now, but you're still one of his eldest.

He never lets you out of his sight after the death of Jaehaerys.

Helaena often asks he leaves you alone, but the king never does.

"Oh please, wife... let me see her. I won't cause her any harm."

Aegon drags you to Small Council meetings and shows you to Sunfyre.

He's paranoid yet proud of you, his eldest daughter.

He isn't affectionate at first.

But when Jaehaerys dies, he's suffocating.

The king, your father, holds you close.

During Small Council meetings, he has you right beside him or in his lap.

When his Council asks him to leave you with Helaena, Aegon blatantly refuses.

"Far as you're concerned, this is my daughter and she has the right to sit here."

Aegon would not allow betrothals.

That's one thing both he and Helaena can agree on when it comes to you.

You mean too much to him to be married off.

Even when you're of age he dismisses the thought.

Aemond is no doubt appointed as your bodyguard.

He doesn't trust Ser Criston Cole, said man did nothing when his son died.

Even if you are a woman, Aegon raises you like you're his next heir.

Maelor, his other son, is too young for now.

So, for now, you are his main heir.

If anything threatened you, Aegon is not waiting.

He will order Aemond hunt them down.

That is unless he can kill them himself.

You aren't even really allowed to play with Jaehaera or Maelor at times.

You miss your time with Helaena, your mother...

Now all you really see is your uncle Aemond or your father Aegon.

Sometimes you see your grandmother, Alicent, but Aegon isn't keen on it.

It's strange how Aegon goes from indifferent to obsessive about you.

He sits by you all the time, giving you books and often ordering Aemond to look after you.

Aemond would much rather patrol King's Landing with Vhagar... but he adores holding you in his arms so he can't complain.

Aemond may sneak swordsmanship in to teach you in private, even if you are a lady.

Aegon is irritated about it, but soon allows it.

You must be a strong queen... give Rhaenyra a run for her gold...

A way you could get Daeron involved in this is maybe you get to write him ravens while he's out being a squire.

I know this is primarily meant to be Aegon... but I feel at least most of the other Greens would be involved.

Aegon knows you should have a dragon... yet he hates the idea of something going wrong.

Sure, you get along with Sunfyre... he won't even let you near Vhagar... and Dreamfyre is rarely even with her rider...

You'd be fine with a hatchling of your own... but Aegon would be extra careful when giving you one.

He's already lost his first heir, you aren't dying too.

He's so nervous about losing you.

Even more so when he gets burned in battle.

While he's in pain on his bed, he doesn't stop asking about you once he's coherent.

You're left in Helaena and Aemond's care... but often are sent to visit the burned king.

Aemond doesn't see you as a threat to the throne.

In fact there's times he treats you like his own daughter, teaching you High Valyrian... a language Aegon isn't very proficient in.

Helaena is often showing you insects and singing to you as she holds you close.

When you visit Aegon he is adamant on you cuddling up to his good side, holding you close as he hisses in pain.

His body may be broken at this point... but he loves you dearly.

You are his little princess, his little future queen, he's sure of that.

Even in his bed, burned and helpless, he'll keep you safe...

Helaena and Aemond love you too, after all, not a soul will touch you with The Greens.

[xxchumanixx]

hiii, could you write a Tim Bradford X Grey!reader? She is sergeant grey’s daughter but adopted, so everyone can imagine themselves as they want 💕!

and they have to sneak around because she is “off limits”, also maybe younger than him??

and one day, while they are at her house and they are doing it (idk if you write smut, if you don’t you don’t have to go into details ofc). Wade goes at her house because she was not answering her phone and finds them while she is literally on top of him ??

Not just any man

Tim Bradford x Grey!reader

Warnings/Tags: 18+ mdni!, smut, p in v (wrap it before you tap it!), language, fluff, secret relationship, reader is Grey's adoptive daughter

Word count: 1.722

Authors note: Hey love, thanks for the request! Yes, I do write smut. I hope this fits your expectations! I really appreciate the idea with the reader being adopted, so everyone can imagine the reader as they like!

Enjoy!

There was a lot you had Wade Grey to thank for.

Catching you with your boyfriend wasn't one of those things, though. Especially when your boyfriend was one of his officers and he was older than you.

You were in so much trouble.

It had all began when you met Tim at a charity event hosted at the police station (not the best place for an event like this, as your father later would always like to mention).

It had instantly clicked.

The thrill of doing this behind everyone's back was what excited you the most the first few months - that was, until Tim confessed his feelings to you.

You were deeply in love with each other, and no one would be able to separate you - not even your father, even when he decided to fire Tim, if he ever found out.

When you were a baby, barely a few months old, Wade had adopted you.

Your parents died a few days prior, losing everything, including their lives, when a drug deal went horribly wrong.

You didn't know much about them, but you didn't care. The Grey's were your family, not them.

Family didn't end in blood.

You were a little older than their biological daughter, but you were still your fathers little girl.

Which meant you were off limits - to everyone, including Tim. Not that it would have stopped you, though.

You had to sneak around of course, but someday your parents eventually had to find out - especially if you wanted to spend the rest of your life with Tim.

It just wasn't supposed to be that day, especially not like this.

You and Tim had been busy that day, you both had a day off and had been cooking together, went shopping (yes, you did that together, when your parents weren't near), and watched movies.

All that time you didn't look at your phone, though - missing several calls from your father.

Now, you were very busy with Tim, as he placed kisses down your neck, making you shiver in delight.

Your naked body's pressed together, his fingers brushing over the curves of your breasts, wandering further down.

Your fingers touched him wherever they reached - his muscular chest, his back and his arms, brushing through his short hair as his fingers pleasured you.

His lips found yours, muffling a moan, as his fingers went in and out of your tight pussy, his palm brushing your clit in the process, sending shivers up your body.

You loved every second of it.

You loved the way he always took care of you, the way he took his sweet time.

The knot in your stomach tightened, as he quickened the pace of his fingers. Gasping his name your fingers dug into his shoulders, his lips ghosting over your neck, as his thumb drew figure eights on your clit.

With a few last strokes you came, moaning his name, pure bliss pulsing through you, blinding you momentarily. You rode out your high on his fingers, before he removed them, smirking down at you as you gasped for air.

He was breathtakingly beautiful. His eyes that shined like the stars at night, full of love. His face, his lips and his hair - he was perfect the way he was.

And he was all yours.

His lips found yours again and he stroked himself, before he aligned his dick with your entrance.

Slowly, he inched forward, stretching you out in just the right way, the initial pain quickly fading into a feeling that was so much better.

When he was fully settled, he started to move, not giving you much time to adjust.

A throaty moan passed your lips, as his hands gripped your hips to steady himself. You fell into a steady rhythm, the familiar knot in your belly already forming again.

"Fuck." he breathed, one of his hands finding your breast, pinching your nipple. Moaning loudly your legs wrapped around his middle, taking him even deeper.

He thrust into you vigorously, your moans mixing together. But you wanted a change in position.

Pushing him back you sat up, his brows furrowing in confusion. You pushed him onto his back, causing him to chuckle knowingly, as he realized what you were doing.

Smirking, you straddled him, not wasting any time to sink down on him again. He groaned, his hands gripping your hips, steadying you.

“Oh fuck…” His moan was like music to your ears, raw and unfiltered, as you started to move, up and down and up and down.

Skin slapped on skin, as he gripped your ass, helping you in your movement, when he suddenly stiffened, pulling you into his arms to cover you up.

"Tim wha-" you wanted to ask what happened, when you heard it.

"You better be kidding me!"

Flinching, your head snapped in the direction of your father's voice, body pressed against Tim, as your eyes widened.

"What the hell?" you yelled, your father's back turned towards you, one hand on his pistol.

"What the fuck?" Tim cut in. "What the hell is he doing here?"

"What the hell am I doing here?" your father bellowed, as you climbed off Tim, frantically searching for your clothes. "What the hell am I doing in my daughter's house? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

He shouted - never a good sign.

Tim searched for the right words, not sure how to explain, as you threw his shirt at him.

When you were both fully clothed your father had already left the bedroom, pacing in your living room.

Walking towards him you tried to come up with an explanation. It would have been useless to lie, so you decided to confront him with the truth.

"We're together." you spoke, swallowing. Fast and painless - just rip the bandaid off in one move.

Your gaze fixed on your father who so suddenly stopped, you thought time had paused for a second.

"You are what?" he yelled, anger clear as day on his face, a vein on his neck popping out. Tim stood somewhere behind you, not daring to say anything.

After all he was still his boss.

"We. Are. Together." you repeated word after word. "We are in a relationship. We love each other."

Your father's eyes nearly bulged from their sockets, as he stared at you, mouth agape.

How we're you to explain, if he suddenly had a heart attack?

"You of all people!" he spoke angrily, pointing at Tim and you stood in front of him, blocking his way as your father took a step closer. Giving him a pointed look, he fell silent.

"Dad, I'm not thirteen anymore!" you tried to reason, shaking your head at him. "Im twenty-six! You don't have to protect me from men - and you definitely don't have the right to tell me who I date and who I don't!"

Blinking rapidly he tried to process your words.

"But-" he started, irritation clear on his face. "Y/N, you're my daughter! I told them you're off limits!"

Furrowing your brows you looked at him in disbelieve. "You did what?" you almost shouted. "God, you're so embarrassing!" His eyes were wide. "I am embarrassing? Seeing my daughter naked with a man - that is embarrassing!"

Your cheeks flushed, not wanting to be reminded of that, as you looked away.

Sighing he tried to find the right words, only making unintelligible sounds, though. "I can decide on my own who I want to be with, dad." you explained, brushing away a lose strand of hair.

"But-" he tried again, brows furrowed in sadness, and your heart grew heavy. "You're my daughter, my little girl! I can't just hand you off to any random guy!"

"What?" Tim interrupted, stepping forward. Rolling his eyes your father shook his head, fully knowing he could trust Tim Bradford.

If anyone, it was him.

It grew quiet, as you bit your lip, nervousness washing over you in waves. Would he fire Tim? Destroy his entire career just because he loved his daughter?

He sighed heavily, wiping over his face with his hand.

"Look, you didn't answer your phone all day so I got worried - and then I find you with him!" he explained, briefly pointing at Tim, who grabbed your hand, not letting go even as your father's jaw clenched at the sight.

"I'm not ready to hand you off just yet."

Closing your eyes for a moment you took a deep breath. "Sarge, I love your daughter and I want to be with her." Tim started, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze.

It would all be good.

"I'm not willing to give her up, just because you can't let go."

Your father's brows rose at the bluntness of his words, but he kept quiet, chewing on his cheek as he thought.

"What if you break her heart?" he wanted to know after a while, tilting his head. "Won't happen." Tim returned without a moment's hesitation.

You couldn't help but smile at his words. You loved him with all your heart and you knew he did the same.

Your father swallowed, nodding after a while, eyes glistening. "If you just so much as look at her in the wrong way, I will make the rest of your life a living hell." he swore Tim, huffing at his emotions taking over.

Letting go of Tim's hand you walked to your father, hugging him in relief. He returned the hug, his arms the same shelter as when you were just a small child.

"Thank you." you whispered, happy tears filling your eyes. "When he hurts you, just tell me and I'll get rid of him." he offered, letting go of you.

Judging by Tim's huff he heard his words, but you were sure he did it intentionally.

"I love you, dad." He smiled down at you, the emotions still clear on his distraught face. "I love you too, kiddo."

Rolling your eyes you hugged him again, before letting go and walking towards Tim.

Smiling up at him you took his hand back in yours. It would all be good. He returned the smile, still a little hesitant because of your father's presence.

Standing on your tip toes you kissed him, causing your father to immediately protest.

"No!"

[sammyluvr]

✶ . ၄၃ . like a miracle — sam winchester

cw : gn!reader, fluff, poor editing, mentions of sam's trauma from the cage and becky, mentions of guilt, talk of marriage and weddings, implied sex from the night before, 1.1K words. requested !

summary : oddly enough, after sam's awful run-in with becky and their short lived marriage, sam realizes that he wants something like that with you, only real and safe.

oftentimes, sam feels that wherever he goes, his bodily autonomy will not be honored. unfortunately, oftentimes, this is true. he remembers being in the cage with lucifer. it is indescribably horrible. and most recently, he was forced into a marriage with becky. he doesn’t remember it all, but the thought of it makes him feel a bit nauseous and he can’t help but suspect what she did to him.

only with you can he forget how dirty he feels sometimes. not all the time, especially not these days. but he misses you, even though you’re right there. last night, being with you between these white sheets felt better than good. a momentary reprieve in the darkness and horror of it all. this morning, as he wakes, the sun coming in through the motel room blinds is not so bright that it hurts his eyes, but the perfect light to illuminate the bridge of your nose and highlight your silhouette under these sheets, their softness a pleasant surprise. last night got quite hot; the blanket must’ve fallen to the floor.

it’s a miracle that he still feels at peace as he wakes up. that your skin on his still feels sweet and warm and comfortable. all this is such a rarity recently. but he’s safe with you, and he knows it. he loves you, and he knows that even better. he adores to have you in his arms, this he knows well, too.

part of him is incessantly guilty. maybe most of him. it’s easier at this point to believe that all of the awfulness that his life is, is deserved. how could all this have happened if it wasn’t? how could god be so cruel? later, he’ll find out that god just is that cruel. worse than he could imagine.

all that guilt and self-deprecation, and sam lets himself have you. sometimes he does think he doesn’t deserve you. but you smile at him and it’s everything real and right and bright in the world. you smile at him because of him, and that must mean he’s doing something good. you love him and he’s the best person he’s ever met, so maybe he’s not as bad as he thinks he is. you love him and he actually believes it. and you love him in such a pure way, he thinks that it makes him better.

so what if, amongst the horror of it all, he could have something more with you? this is enough for him, it really is. but don’t you deserve more if that’s what you want? he could give you more, and you deserve everything in the world.

one would think the prospect of marriage would be a frightening one to sam, now. but frankly, he’s been through so much worse than becky. somehow, the idea is stuck in his head. it’s something he gave up on after jess died. damn, back then, it was everything he wanted. those first years, he agonized over it. cried about it, raged about it. he still thinks about jess. he still thinks about the ring he bought her. he lost it in the fire.

but seeing you, framed in these simple white sheets has him thinking. it has him wanting, somehow hoping. he doesn’t feel hope very much, though he’s always fought to be the optimistic one. he needs to see you in white, in the sun, at an altar. he’s always liked the way you look in white. every time you’re in your fbi get up, the jacket comes off and it’s just that plain white button up you’ve had for years… god, he loves it. god, he loves you. 

you wake to him staring. your eyes drift open, squinting a bit from the morning light until they adjust, and when they do, he’s looking right into your eyes already. a soft smile graces your lips. he looks incredibly fond of you.

“hi, love,” you murmur, voice hoarse with sleep. he brushes a hand over the side of your head, the feel of his fingertips and the look in his eyes are overwhelmingly affectionate.

“hi, honey,” he smiles back. he closes the small space, giving your lips a chaste kiss, then your cheek and your forehead. “i love you.”

“i love you, too,” you say easily. he’s at ease and it makes your heart swell. it’s not often that he gets to be at ease. 

“have you ever been to a wedding?” he asks out of the blue. a tiny look of confusion flashes across your features, but the question makes your heart skip a beat.

“a few, when i was a kid,” you answer, voice hushed. you thought weddings and marriage would be a subject that he’d like to avoid for a long while after becky. it’s been months, but you’ve still been careful, and you planned to be for as long as it seemed fit.

“did you like them?” he murmurs. you raise a brow softly. your hand rubs up and down the skin of his waist.

you give him a little shrug and your hand drifts from his side to rub at your tired eyes, then back to his scarred skin. “i guess. there was food and dancing, that part was always fun. but weddings, i’m sure, are very different for kids than they are for adults. are you asking if i think i’d like a wedding now?”

he’s been caught, but he supposes that’s what he was trying to do. “yeah,” he confirms in a whisper, hoping desperately that you’re not turned off or scared by the idea.

“i don’t know,” you answer honestly. his thumb brushes over your cheek. “depends on whose wedding, i guess. the idea of marriage is a little scary. but if it’s something you want to talk about, then… i wouldn’t be scared to do that.”

“no? you’d be alright with that?” he wants to be sure you’re not just saying that for his benefit, but his heart is already soaring. he understands why you think the idea of it is scary. he’s worried about it too, but a lot less when he remembers it would be with you.

“yeah,” you agree gently, that little smile still on your lips and tugging at his ability to hold back from kissing you. sam loves to kiss you when you’re smiling. “i’d be okay with that.”

“thanks,” he says softly, no longer finding it necessary to resist kissing you. his lips find yours again, then your jaw and your neck. his fingertips dance over your cheek and forehead and then wrap around your own free hand. his lips brush over the skin of your neck as he speaks, “i just think you look really good in white.”

he knows it's premature—there’s still a lot to talk about—but he’s got this aching urge to look for a ring. he wonders if there are any nice jewelers in this town. he’ll have to spend a long night hustling pool to afford anything decent, but he’s willing. god, he feels crazy for wanting to look for a ring. but he doesn't feel guilty for it. he doesn’t feel guilty for loving you, and like a miracle, he doesn’t think he ever will.

[xzaddyzanakinx]

Not That Kind of Guy

Part Eight: Stalker!Anakin Skywalker × femme reader series

Warnings: stalking, weirdo behavior, psychotic/delusional behavior, possessive/protective, sexism/misogyny, sexual content/fantasizing, pervy behavior, panty/scent kink, mask kink (Ghostface), gaslighting/manipulation, spitting, cumplay, nude vids, masturbation, oral, creampie, dick piercing, forced male orgasm GEN. SMUT[Be sure to pay attention to future warnings in the series]

Info: Anakin is a straight sex god and he’s so cocky about it until he lets himself think about how lucky his is and then he turns to a puddle bc he loves you so much [diary entries from Ani] extremely not proofread. MDNI 18+

“Did you have fun princess?” He asked, tenderly kissing your temple and tucking a hair behind your ear.

He had one hand above your head, resting on the door to your apartment, the other now lightly gracing your hip with a soft squeeze.

“Mhm.” You nodded, melting at the rich timbre in his voice.

“So pretty.” He whispered, looking down at you like he hoped he’d suddenly gain the ability to swallow you whole and never let you go.

His eyes were so intense, steeled icey blue that held the warmth of the summer seas. Contradictory but somehow very fitting for him, you couldn’t imagine him with anything else.

You’d never grow tired of the way he poured his soul out through the pools of black that encroached on that pretty blue. He didn’t ever have to say what he thought of you. It was clear to anyone who witnessed the way he looked at you, that he was wholeheartedly devoted.

“Kiss?” He asked softly, his breath a whisper across your lips as his nose brushed against yours.

“Plea-“ you couldn’t even get the full word out before he wrapped an arm around your waist and cradled the back of your head, his lips soldering to yours.

The moment his mouth moved against yours, the strangest feeling washed over you. One you’d felt before, the thought you’d had in the past.

He’s loved you in a past life. How else could his lips feel like home?

It was tender and smooth, all lips and no tongue. But passionate all the same. How he managed to breathe life into your very soul with just that kiss… you’ll never know.

That ache. That horrible terrible ache had been back for some time now, your affliction of sexual suffering had returned in full force and your mind was overwhelmed with those feel good chemicals.

That ache turned into a full fledged pain in a matter of seconds.

All from one kiss.

Is it desperate of you to ask for more? Would he even consider it? This is the end of your first real date. He’s so… old fashioned that he wouldn’t possibly…

“What are you thinking hmm?” His gravely voice derailed your train of thought as he mumbled against your lips, never fully breaking away from you, keeping that heated connection as if he needed it to breathe.

“I’m thinkin’ of you.” You whispered.

“Well I’d sure hope that you were.” He chuckled.

“Shit I didn’t mean-“

“No, I know what you mean.” He silenced you quickly, “I just like to tease you. Make you buffer.”

And goddamn did you.

His tongue invaded your mouth so smoothly that you felt like it had always meant to be there. He tasted so familiar, he smelled so welcoming. He held you so firmly against his chest, one hand inching down your back, giving you plenty of time to back out before he cupped your ass and squeezed.

It was truly outrageous the way your entire body was screaming for him. It was taking everything in you to stay sane, your mind felt like it was buzzing. Overrunning your nervous system with micro-sensations that you could’ve never felt with anyone other than Anakin.

Intensifying a thousand times over when he pushed his groin against the softness of your lower stomach.

You would’ve died of embarrassment at the pitiful whimper you let escape if Anakin hadn’t been there to swallow it up and fill your lungs with the fiery breath of his undeniable need for you. He growled, truly he did. Like a feral beast that had been caged and starved for days on end.

And you were his meal.

“Inside.” He said, his voice low and commanding.

You faltered for a moment, not because you didn’t want to, but simply because of the way he was speaking. He’d always had the ability to leave you speechless with his stern tone. But this was different.

This was authoritative. Not like his voice of the previous times, no. He was demanding it.

For some reason, you liked it. It made you all the more weak for him.

“C’mon baby. Gimme the keys.” He whispered kissing your jaw as he fished in your back pocket to grab them, he knew he’d sent you into a stupor and he didn’t have the patience for you to snap out of it.

The door opened and shut in record time, Anakin locking it behind him without missing a step.

“Bed?” He whispered, kissing you softly, a smile quirking up the side of his mouth.

“Uh huh.” You nodded.

“Uh huh.” He mocked you, grinning as he scooped you up with both arms and carried you to the bedroom.

“I can walk you know?” You giggled, cheeks flushed.

“Not fast enough.” He countered, slipping off your shoes and socks and doing the same for himself after sitting you gently on the bed.

You had started to take of your shirt when he gave you a disapproving glare.

“I’ll undress you.” He said, “wanna take my time.”

The bed dipped under his weight when he kneeled before you, looking down at you like he was seeing the Seven Wonders all at once.

“Come sit in my lap princess.” He requested, leaning against the headboard and unashamedly palming his erection to make himself more comfortable.

You stared, practically drooling. You couldn’t believe he was finally here. In your bed. You’d get to see what you’d dreamt of so many times. To prove those dreams right. To have him cure you of that ache.

“Sit.” He said gruffly, snapping his fingers to get your attention.

“R-right.” You nodded, obeying immediately and straddling his thighs.

“Getting distracted are we?” He teased, kissing down the column of your throat, leaving wet marks behind. “You’ll see it all soon enough. Just let me have my fun first yeah?” He finished with a sharp nip to your collarbone that made you yelp.

“Kiss me again.” You whimpered, this time Anakin obeying you for a change.

He was eager to fulfill that request, immediately diving back into the depths of your mouth. Laving his tongue across yours tortuously slow and savory.

He hummed a question of consent as his hands traveled up your thighs. You nodded in response and earned a chuckled and smile from him that broke your kiss momentarily.

He kneaded the flesh of your ass with the hands you’d held in your own so many times. The hands you’ve wanted to touch you like this for so long, it was just as satisfying as you imagined it would be.

He gently groped and caressed you while devouring your mouth, eating up those beautiful moans leaving your lips. Soon enough his calloused fingertips graced the soft skin of your bare belly, hardly making contact at all, just enough to send a shiver through you and leave goose-pimples in their wake.

“More?” He asked, his lips leaving yours in favor of worshiping the gentle curve of your jaw.

“More.” You whined, nodding your head quickly as your hands tangled into his hair.

He raised his eyebrows to quiet your grumbling of protest when he pulled his lips from your neck. Anakin gently lifted up your shirt and once it was gone he immediately unclasped your bra and tossed it to join your shirt, as if it would burn you if he left it on you for a second longer.

“Oh goddamn.” He moaned, supporting them in his palms to feel their weight.

“Perfect. How is everything about you so fucking perfect?” He looked up at you with an expression that almost mirrored pain.

Anakin’s facial expressions were always something of a mystery to you, he conveyed so much through them. But, there were times like this when you wished you had a book to reference. It was pained, almost mournful, akin to the expression you’d expect to see on someone’s face the first time they witnessed a painting that made them feel something.

“Ani…” you whispered, reaching out to touch his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“I- I just adore you so much.” He said, his hands slowly releasing your breasts in favor of smoothing over the expanse of your abdomen and back, anywhere he could reach uncovered skin, he was trying his damndest to touch all at once.

He nuzzled his face against your breast, a whimper leaving his lips. Looking up at you with pleading eyes. A stark change from the authoritarian figure he’d been before. Right now his body language was oozing submission.

“Everything about you is everything I’ve ever wanted.” He mumbled as those plump lips enclosed around your nipple and allowed his warm tongue to swirl around it.

Your hands raked through his hair and from the little bit of stimulation your cunt fluttered around nothing, you felt so desperately empty. Needing something, anything, you started to rock your hips just enough to drag your clit across the bulge of his jeans.

“Fuckin’ hell.” He groaned, his strong hands gripping your hips tightly.

He let his head tilt back against the headboard as he sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and pinched his eyebrows together. Bucking up against you with each little thrust punctuated by a pitiful ‘uh’.

You were amazed at this change of roles. You would’ve never in your wildest dreams imagine Anakin-uber masculine-Skywalker to act this way in bed.

And oh god did it excite you.

“Baby please?” He whined, his once confident hands shaking as they caressed your arms and finally took your hands to lace your fingers together.

“What is it Ani?” You cooed.

“Need you bad.” He whimpered, uncharacteristically timid. “Need you so fuckin’ bad.” He whined.

Jesus Christ, you didn’t think your ego could grow any bigger. You’d need a canoe to travel across the lake of arousal seeping through your jeans.

“Want me to take care of you, Hmm?” You whispered in question, looking down at the red faced man beneath you.

“Uh, mhm.” He nodded, his bottom lip quivering.

“Oh baby,” you soothed, your hands leaving his to cradle his face. “don’t worry. I’m right here.”

“Lord have mercy.” His eyes practically rolled back in his head at your quick acceptance of this little submission kink of his.

You couldn’t help but giggle, it was cute. Way too cute.

“What’s my boy need?” You asked softly, grinding down on his unbelievably hard dick.

“Need you, need you everywhere.” His voice sounding broken.

“What do you say Ani?” You teased, eager to play this role for him.

“Please, please, please.” He begged not only with his words but his eyes and his actions too.

“Get this shirt off for me.” You commanded softly, tugging at the hem of his shirt.

He moved quickly and whipped it up and over his head, his mouth parted as though he wanted to say something but couldn’t.

You on the other hand, had a lot to say.

“You’re beautiful.” You whispered, exploring his tattooed skin, soaking up the images and committing them to memory.

“What?” Anakin asked, wearing that same pained expression from before.

“I said you’re beautiful.”

“You?” He huffed out a laugh before giving you a shy smile. “You think I’m beautiful?”

“Very.” You nodded, smiling right back at him.

“C’mere my sweet girl.” He said, his voice low and warm.

He pulled you even closer, skin to skin. Letting your body heat meld the two of you together the same as the warmth of your kiss cemented your lips in an embrace.

He was regaining that confidence from before, you realized now that maybe he just got overwhelmed. Maybe he just really did want you as badly as you wanted him.

This wasn’t a bossy confidence though, this was the confidence of a man who knew how to please. He touched you like he’d played you like a violin a million times before. So gently laying you back on the bed, so softly licking his way down your stomach to unbutton your pants and free you.

“Shit sweetheart.” He moaned, tugging at your panties until he had them in his hands.

The white cotton was so soaked that it was almost see through. Something about it made Anakin feral.

“All this f’me baby?” He cooed, keeping one hand on your body and the other firmly holding that wet spot to his nose and breathing deeply.

“Smells so fucking good.” The words tumbling out of his throat in a low rumble, the hand on your skin traveling down between your legs.

“This little pussy need some attention?” Teasingly he circled your entrance with his thumb, making eye contact as he committed a sin so delicious that it should be stricken from even the devils playbook.

He shoved the wet spot of your panties into his mouth and sucked on it like his life depended on it. His eyes fluttered shut and his now unoccupied hand clenched tightly, the veins in his arm cropping up across his inked skin.

“Oh god.” Never had you seen something like this. Never did you think you’d ever see something like this.

This is the stuff you wanted to see but was never brave enough to ask or lucky enough to have happen to you unprompted. Your hole clenched around nothing and Anakin obviously felt it because he immediately moved two fingers to prod at your entrance, waiting until you nodded your head before pushing inside slowly.

A choked sob left your lips and his free hand palmed at his cock while his head tilted back in the ecstasy of pleasuring you and getting pleasured because of it.

His deft hand unbuttoned his jeans and unzipped them quicker than you’d seen most men do with both their hands. And he was only using one. Talented fingers indeed.

You thought he would pull out the cock you’d been dying to see, but of course he didn’t. He was a gentlemen despite the depravity of his kinky actions. He wouldn’t dare jump straight to penetration without having you cum first.

He was just shoving his hand down his boxers to readjust himself so that he could lay down between your legs without stabbing a hole in your mattress with the cock of steel clearly visible beneath that checkered fabric.

Anakin tossed your panties aside and opted for the real thing instead, not waiting before removing his fingers and bringing them to your lips.

“Taste baby.” He gently commanded, watching you intently as you licked your juices from his fingers. “God damn you.” He whispered, in awe of the throaty moan you made.

He dove between your legs. No slow introduction of his tongue, no gentle kisses. No.

He was hungry.

He went straight to lapping away at you like he’d been stranded in the desert for weeks and your pussy was the first thing he’d come across.

It sent you into a spiral, stole the breath from your lungs and seized up your muscles.

“Anakin… Ani…” you whined as his tongue parted your folds and licked into your cunt.

“Hmm?” He hummed, sucking your sopping folds between his lips.

His gaze met yours and it was a beautiful sight. Those pretty eyes of his staring up at you in pure unadulterated adoration. You’d expected to see straight lust. But that was just a background emotion within his eyes.

He wasn’t lusting after you.

He was worshiping you.

That realization alone was enough to break down that first wall on your way to orgasm. Your hands flying to his hair and tugging him right where you wanted him.

He eagerly sucked at the little nub of pleasure, finding it instantly like he’d mapped out the expanse of your cunt before. He knew *exactly* what you needed.

And he was overjoyed to give it to you on a silver platter. He sucked and rolled your clit with his tongue, sneaking his fingers back up into you to massage your leaky walls. Massaging that sweet spot that made you whimper.

He’s loved you in another life. How else would he know that he’d have you trembling in a matter of seconds like this?

Your legs spread wide, you hooked your ankles together over his back, trapping him there and earning a laugh from him. As if he were amused by the fact that he was unraveling you at the seams.

You gripped the sheets and moaned like you never had before, devastatingly low and rumbling. The vibration of it felt like your heart was being ripped from your chest as your world imploded. Anakin never wavered, never stopped as he finger fucked and clit sucked you through the most intense orgasm of your life.

He wouldn’t have stopped then either. Not if you hadn’t of begged him.

“Anakin please.” You whined high-pitched and close to tears. “Please I don’t wanna cum again so quick…”

“Why?” He muttered against you as your thighs squeezed his head.

“Want your cock.” You hoped that this would sway him but it didn’t.

“You’ll have it.” He growled. “Just gimme one more.”

“I-I can’t… it’s too s-soon.” You sobbed out, trying to catch your breath.

“No it’s not.” He said matter of factly, pumping those long fingers into you like it was his life’s work to make you cum.

“Fuck… fuck oh shit.” You clawed at his shoulders and he didn’t even flinch.

If anything it spurred him on and had you seeing nothing but blinding white light as he pulled your soul from the depths of your core and stole it away for himself.

You were vaguely aware of his quietly spoken praises and compliments as he crawled up your body and caressed your marred skin. He’d painted you with little love bites that he now proudly traced and pet.

“There she is.” He chuckled when you finally resurfaced from the sea of pleasure he’d dropped you into.

“Ani I can hardly breathe.” You panted wildly.

“Need some help baby?” He teased. “I know CPR.”

“Shut up.” You let out a breathy laugh.

“Yes ma’am.” He said with a grin, nuzzling your breasts and lazily circling your nipples.

“Anakin!” Your hands coming to swat his away. “M’sensitive.”

“On your nipples? I’ve hardly loved on them.” He pouted.

“Hardly?” You admonished. “Really? They’re so raw I’m gonna have to put some lotion on later.”

“I’ll do it for you.” He cooed.

“Yeah? That’s just an excuse for you to play with my tits again.”

“Of course it is.” He admitted with a shrug.

“At least you’re honest.” You sighed.

“Mm.” He snorted. *’yeah sure’*

“Think you’ll be recovered enough for me to make love to you?” He asked, voice low and honeyed. “Or should I wait three to five business days?”

“Make love?” You grinned.

“What? You making fun of me?”

“No I think it’s cute.” You giggled with a light blush.

“Well I don’t think I can call sex with you ‘fucking’.” He chuckled, kissing the valley of your breasts.

“Why not?” You looked down at him, propping yourself up on your elbows.

“Cause you’re too precious for that.” You could tell he was being completely honest just from his tone. “You deserve respect while I defile you.”

He snickered and nipped at the soft part of your breast, making you squeal and giggle, shying away from him.

“No, no, no, you get back here.” He growled, dragging you back over to him with two firm hands on your hips.

“Anakin!” You yelped and broke out in a fit of laughter that dissolved quickly into a breathy moan as he latched himself onto your neck, licking along your throat slowly.

“M’not done.” He mumbled, lifting himself up and pressing his covered bulge against the slick surface of your pussy.

“Maker…” you groaned, wrapping your legs around his waist and drawing him closer.

If he was talented with his mouth and hands… it’s hard to imagine how well he can wield that monster between his legs.

“Please…” you whispered. “Anakin please? Fuck me?”

“No.” He shook his head.

“What?” You squeaked.

“M’not fucking you.” He chuckled. Grinding his hips down onto you. “Didn’t you hear me princess?”

“Fine.” You giggled. “Anakin? Make love to me?”

“Oh absolutely.” He growled, attacking your neck with his lips and tongue.

He pushed up and kneeled between your legs, suddenly you realized he’d completely shed his jeans along the way somehow. Left just in his boxers you could see his collection of tattoos continued on his legs. And a wet patch of his own spotted the fabric where his weeping cockhead rested. He looked just as impressive as he felt beneath those boxers.

“Condom?” He asked, panting as he gazed down at you with glassy eyes.

“Are you asking me if I have one?” You asked with a confused look.

“No sweetheart.” He laughed. “I’m asking if you *want* one.”

“Oh.” You blushed, feeling a little silly for not understanding immediately. “I- I don’t… I mean…”

“It’s up to you babydoll.” He soothed, his warm palms feeling across the plush part of your thighs. “I’m clean. Haven’t been with anyone in a while.” He gave you a bashful, crooked smile.

“I mean, I’m on birth control… yeah- I haven’t…I’m clean too.” You nodded.

“I know baby, but I need you to tell me okay?” He said softly. “I want you to be comfortable, this is a decision for you.”

“But I want you to know, I plan on being exclusively with you.” He said, caressing your cheeks gently.

“Me too.” You whispered, thankful that he’d said that so you didn’t have to.

‘Not for long’ he thought, hiding his snickered laugh with a click of his tongue. ‘

“Good girl.” He beamed. “My good girl.”

You nodded and felt a blush creeping up your cheeks. “Yeah.” You giggled.

“So what’s my girl want huh?” He asked, taking one of your hands the the wrist and dragging your palm down his stomach to his waistband.

“Want it raw?” He smirked.

“Anakin!” You hid your face in your free hand.

“Oh, you do don’t you?” He teased, bringing your hand lower and helping you wrap your fingers around his thick shaft. “Tell me princess, do you want me to *’fuck’* you raw?”

“Yes.” You squeaked in the tiniest voice you had.

“Dirty little thing.” A devilish grin spread across his kiss bitten lips and he licked his top row of teeth like he was preparing for the last feast on earth.

As you started to timidly pull his boxers down, he let you get all the way to the base of his cock before his hand shot out and grabbed your wrist.

“Look at me.” He said in a voice so gentle compared to his steel grip.

“Huh?”

“I should warn you.” He ran his knuckles across your cheek and then let his thumb traced the slope of your neck. “I have my dick pierced. I took the ring out.”

“You what?” Your mouth dropped open and your eyes flickered from the cock just out of sight below your palm and the serious blue eyes looking down at you.

“I have a cock ring.” He said plainly. “But I don’t have it in right now.”

“Why?”

“Pretty presumptuous of me I know, but I didn’t want you to freak out if we ended up here.” He said softly.

“I appreciate that.” You couldn’t help but smile, how sweet.

“Course baby.” His voice rumbled. “Just be warned. Got an extra hole down there.” He smirked, laughing.

“Oh I didn’t even think of that.” You gasped. “Damn I’m glad you said that before I saw it.” You giggled, turning serious before biting your lip and tugging the elastic down to expose his length.

“Holy shit.”

“S’a mouthful isn’t it?” He grinned, clearly enjoying the look of lust painted fear on your face.

“Yeah.” You scoffed, wrapping you hand around it and feeling it twitch beneath your touch.

Eight inches and thicker than you thought you could comfortably take. The bruise colored tip weeping precum that looked good enough to taste, so you did.

Anakin could’ve died a happy man at the sound your wet mouth made as it willingly wrapped around his cock head for the first time.

“Goddamnit.” He grunted, his knuckles white as chalk with his hands folded tightly into fists.

“Thats it. Good… good girl baby.” Gritted teeth and groaned words tumbled from his lips as he released his gripped fists and opted instead to cradle your head and help guide you to take his monstrous cock.

“Look at you,” his voice shook when you gazed up at him with half lidded eyes. “taking me so well darlin’, there you go.”

His thumbs brushing against your cheek bones in soothing circles while his fingertips dig into the back of your skull to keep you steady.

“You tap my leg if you need me to stop got it?” He said seriously, that delicious commanding voice that made your pussy flutter. You hummed in response and Anakin seemed to love it.

“Christ baby…” that masculine timbre falling back into that pitiful whine you’d heard before.

“Gonna look so fuckin’ good.” He whimpered, letting his head fall back so he could look up to the ceiling.

He laughed, like an actual laugh when his head dropped against his shoulders, you sucked hard on his tip and that shut him up right away.

“Oh fuck.” He whispered, his head snapped back down to see you looking up at him when amusement clearly in your pretty eyes.

He shook his head and smiled, “I’d lean down and kiss you, but I’d rather keep you like this.” He grinned, shooting you a wink and puckering his lips to send you a kiss.

“Luckiest man alive.” He groaned pushing his wide cockhead farther back into your throat, his body shivering when you involuntarily swallowed around him and gagged.

“Gonna just… just need-“ he whined, his chin resting against his chest as he sucked in a breath, the muscles across his stomach tightening.

“God damn you.” Breathing out with his cheeks puffed out slightly he angled your head back and made the most angelic sobbing sound you’d ever heard.

“Just be still… be so fucking still m’kay?” His eyebrows raised into a swoop, his eyes closed, nose scrunched up and teeth clamped together with his top lip slightly raised.

“Perfect. Perfect.” He praised you, petting your hair to soothe you as he very, very lightly wrapped his other hand around your throat so he could feel himself there.

“Take a breath.” He told you quietly, you complied, breathing deeply through your nose as your eyes watered heavily. “God… good girl, again.”

“Hold it,” he choked out as he slid oh so slowly farther into your throat, the burning sensation was foreign to you, but it wasn’t wholly bad, it sent a little *zap* of electricity straight to your core.

“Just a little more. Doin’ s-so,” his face scrunched up tightly as he fought to keep control and not just ram his entire length into you like he wanted to. “So good sweetheart. So good.”

“Gotta train this tight throat to take me hmm?” He nodded as if you answer for you. “Yeah? Good.”

“Fuck, f-fuck okay…” he panted, “going deep as I can alright?”

He pushed in until your eyes were so blurry with tears that you could hardly see his cherubic face turn strawberry pink. You swallowed, gagging loudly and triggering Anakin to let out a pained whine.

“God-fuckin’ damn…” he trailed off into a whimper, “shit I could cum… I could fuckin’ oh shit.”

You moaned at the thought of having done practically nothing but listen to instructions and doing it so well that he could cum just from stuffing himself in your mouth. You were *so* glad that you did.

“Baby… baby no, no-” he cried out and hiccuped loudly, thrusting ever so slightly, oh so shallow, “no… no!” He tried to remove his cock slowly but you weren’t having it.

You’d felt him twitch, you felt his muscles tighten and his grip on you had changed, so you braved the last bit and pushed your nose into his groin and nuzzled into his coarse and curly hairs, breathing in his musk before completely cutting off your air supply.

“Fuck!” He grunted, thrusting in tight controlled movements as he shot his hot and salty cum down your throat. “Fuck baby, no… I didn’t-“

“Ah, ah-“ he was a stuttering mess as he slowly extricated himself from your throat. “Don’t you dare… fucking swallow that yet.” He panted.

“Wanna see it.” He moaned, slipping his thumb into your mouth to hold you jaw in place as he watched it ooze down the back of your reddened throat.

“So fuckin’ pretty.” He whispered before catching you completely off guard and letting himself drool over your open mouth, the string of saliva dripped down to join his cum and he quickly shut your mouth. Holding your jaw in a tight grip with one hand.

“Now you can swallow.” His free hand brushing away the tears from all your hard work. “Good job. You did so good.”

“Except for the part where you didn’t listen to me.” He said, raising his eyebrows but breaking out into a smile when he saw the prideful grin on your face.

“Tasted good.” You rasped, your throat feeling sore already as you stuck out your tongue to prove you’d swallowed every drop.

“Hmph.” He snickered. “Knew you’d like it.”

He tapped the head of his cock on your tongue just for good measure before he lowered you onto your back. His hand creeping down your tummy and back home between your slicked folds.

“You hear that sweetheart?” He chuckled, pushing his fingers back inside your warm, gummy walls. “So wet you’re squelching baby.”

“Ani…” you shied away, hiding your face.

“Ah-ah, no ma’am.” He softly chided, peeling your fingers back while his other hand stayed between your thighs. “Be proud of it.”

“All this is f’me isn’t it?” He asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Uh huh.” You nodded embarrassedly.

“That’s right.” He nodded along with you. “Be proud of it,” he scissored his fingers as he pumped them in and out of you, “my favorite sound.” He smirked.

“But I think I’ll have a new favorite soon, yeah?” He smiled, removing his fingers and licking them clean before giving his cock a few quick strokes while he pushed your legs up and to the sides of your torso.

“What’re you doing?” You panted, still trying to catch your breath.

“Never done it like this?” He asked, his mouth quirking into a smile when you shook your head no.

“Oh well you’re gonna love it.” He snickered. “M’hold your knees to the bed like this.” He demonstrated, locking you into place beneath him while your cunt was on full display.

“Then I’ll just,” he sighed as he thrust slowly to drag the tip of his cock back and forth through your folds until it caught in the dip of your soaked hole. “Push into this pretty little pussy.”

He sucked in a deep breath and looked at you for permission which you eagerly gave. His cockhead gently entering your cunt despite the dull heated pain that followed his gentle descent. You whined at the stretch, the position you were in only making it worse.

“Shh, I know doll. I know I’m sorry.” He whispered, “you can do it baby. You can take me.”

“Yeah.” You nodded, a sharp intake of breath following his short shallow thrusts to ease you into it. His cock was only half way, but the way he had you folded made you feel so, so full.

“Rub your clit f’me huh?” He instructed, “there, that’s it. Good girl.”

“Little circles hmm? That feels good?”

“F-feels good Ani.” You nodded, a breathy moan leaving you.

“Mmm.” He mumbled, slowly sheathing himself to the hilt.

“Fuck… oh you feel so deep.” You gasped.

“M’deep alright.” He chuckled, “like it?”

He circled his hips paired with short strokes that left you breathless. You couldn’t speak, you could only grip the head board and watch him slide in and out as you made wet, lewd, slapping noises each time he hit home.

“Yeah, you like it huh?” He teased, shifting you slightly, instead of his hands in the crook of your knees he slid them beneath you and gripped your shoulders.

“Relax okay?” He said softly, lowering himself down to rest lightly on your chest. “Good, just like that. Wrap those sexy little legs around me.”

“Better?” He hummed, the new angle was less intense but equally pleasurable, he’d only done that to show off. *shithead*

“Better.” You nodded, your hands exploring his toned back, lightly scratching along his shoulder blades.

“How do you want it princess?” He asked, “however you want it, I’ll give it to you.”

“Deep n’ slow.” You mewled, feeling every ridge and vein in your slick heat.

“Mmm of course you do.” He chuckled, “wanna be filled don’t you baby?” He nibbled on your earlobe, thrusting hard and dragging himself back out slowly, a delicious combination that had your head spinning.

You could only imagine what it would feel like if he’d left his jewelry in. It might be too much, he was already bullying your sweet spot with each plunge of his rolling hips. He’d render you useless if he added much more…

Of course, he did.

He slurped and lapped and your already raw and red nipples, having your cunt contracting around him rhythmically.

“Ani- Anakin please.” You begged, not really knowing what for.

“Words baby.” He grunted, pulling the sensitive bud with his teeth, releasing it slowly so that it rolled against teeth and lips on its way back to its natural position.

“T-too much.” You hiccuped.

“Need me to stop?” He asked, slowing down.

“N-no!” You shook your head frantically, “no don’t.”

“Then what do you need sweetheart?” He cooed.

“Cum… need to-“ you keened, your forehead resting in the crook of his neck.

“Oh I see.” He chuckled, “reach back down there for me m’kay? Pinch your poor puffy clit.”

“This?“ you slurred out.

“Does it feel good?” He grinned.

“Uh huh.” You whimpered.

“Then do it just like that.” He smirked. “Poor thing.”

“Got you all stupid don’t I?” He snickered.

“Nngh.” You tried to protest but unfortunately he silenced you with his tongue, or fortunately depending on how you looked at it.

He shushed you playfully and started to drill into you at steady pace, his cockhead kissing the deepest part of your core each and every time.

As strange as it is to say: his cock felt at home when it was buried inside you. Like all you’d been missing your whole life was this.

“C’mon doll, you can do it.” He mumbled, his forehead pressed to yours. “Cum for me pretty girl. Let me hear it.”

All you could do was try your best to breathe as your nails dug into his skin. He hissed in pain but it only made his wicked smile wider.

“That’s right princess, tear me to pieces if you need to.” He grinned. “I’ll wear ‘em proud, yeah? Show off those pretty marks.”

You nodded, biting your lip, “Ani.” You whispered, “m’so close.”

“I know baby” He said, kissing your nose gently. “Can feel you gripping me.”

“Where do you want it?” He panted, “want me to paint you with it?”

“Gods… m-my pussy.” You nodded, “cum on me.”

“Filthy minx.” He laughed. “You got it.” He clicked his tongue and slightly changed his angle to really drive the nail into the coffin that would trap you.

He’d killed your need for anyone else. No body. Absolutely no one, could wreck you like Anakin had. You were right.

You were so right.

Your body had been screaming for him all this time because it knew. It knew that he was meant to be yours. Now that he was, you’d never let him go.

So you held on tightly as you sunk your teeth into the meaty corded muscle of the curve of his neck and fought to keep yourself from drowning as he fucked you into oblivion. The fire had burnt so brightly that it blinded you in an instant, hot flames licking at your insides as your body stiffened to escape the sizzling sensation that enveloped your entire being, body and soul.

The come down was slow, like the natural transition from inferno to lukewarm coals.

You were semi-aware of Anakin pulling out and stroking himself wildly over your spent and quivering pussy until his hot seed splattered across the soon to be sore apex of your thighs.

He crooned, pulling you to his chest and holding you tightly as though we were afraid you’d drift away.

You stayed like that until morning when you awoke to find him cooking breakfast, in just his boxers and socks.

Diary Entry

Baby. I knew you needed me. I knew you loved me. I knew you’d be perfect for me.

Never been so fucking proud of you. Taking me so well, letting me stretch out that pretty pink pussy. Gods it was just…

Listen. I already knew you were divine, I knew you held the elixir of life. The nectar of the gods. I knew that. I’d felt it, tasted it.

But what I wasn’t prepared for was the way you were so warm and welcoming, you just fit me so well. You were made for me, nothing could ever describe how truly perfect last night was. Nothing.

Then… then when you were trying your hardest, working that tight virgin throat to take me… I’d almost forgotten that I’d uncovered the lens on your camera.

I couldn’t help but laugh. I caught our first time on camera and lord have mercy I have watched it an unhealthy amount of times since I got back home.

You just look so fucking sexy.

I’d dreamed it. Imagined it. Even made it happen. But seeing it in person, up close, consensually? I’d never in my wildest dreams thought it could be that good. I’m amazed I lasted long enough to get past your tongue.

Diary Entry: August 3rd

Now I just need my little doe to love Ghost too.

I’ve been thinking about it. I even considered abandoning the idea all together because I was so thrilled I’d finally got you. But I realized, you’d be disappointed.

You’ve come to enjoy Ghost I think. Whether you admit it or not.

I’ve seen your face when you come home and find a flower or some candy. I always put it in the kitchen so I can see you clearly. It’s adorable.

You pop your head around the door when you come home like you’re expecting me to be standing there with a hatchet. I can see the fear in your eyes. Then you’ll see a little note from me and you smile. Then scan the room for those cameras you’ve become semi-aware of after wiping that happy expression from your face.

Or maybe I’m just really selfish. Because I don’t want to give up this game just yet. I need you to love both sides of me. Maybe it’s just too much fun. I’ve really been getting a kick out of it.

I see you when you scan the area while walking around with me, I feel you inch alittle closer, hold my hand alittle tighter, everytime we walk past someone dressed in all black. Nobody in their right mind would walk out in broad daylight in a Ghostface mask baby. Don’t be ridiculous.

But maybe he’d walk around like that at night? Maybe snatch you up on a Friday night after a fun outing with your friends? Drag you into an alley and fuck you senseless? I bet you’d like it. I know you’d like it.

But I’ll ease you into it. I don’t want you to be afraid. I want you to accept that you want Ghost to do those nasty things to you.

BOT IS READY!! Let me know if he’s good, I tried. Apparently stalkers are difficult for AI

PART NINE

Tag-List:

@wickedtactics @tsugumiholic @kingdomhate @burnthecheshirewitch @exquisitcorpse @arzua10 @bby-imasociopath @depressed-kay @aliciaasky @naty-1001 @mrsmikaelsxn @bunnylovesani @ausskywalker @angelsadmired @slut4starwarssmut @chocolatepalacecloudhoagie @starkiller419 @hearts4mitski4 @lethargic @allhailbuckybarnes-blog @shadowhuntyi @mortalheartache @fallinlovewithevil @sythethecarrot @chaoticantihero @vadersslut @luvvfromme @anakinsbaee @sweetcheesecakesblog @luvskywxlker @angelsadmired @kaminokatie @anakin-pilled @graveyard-stray @chiaraanatra @jediavengers @zapernz @lunalitva @salted-snailz @queenofchaos99 @ellie-luvsfics @dazednstars141 @rorysbrainrot t @hopesworlld @lonaah @t8Izw @guiltycherries @syralix @doblasftcisco

THE TAGS LIST IS FULL! But if you want to be tagged I will comment ur username for you. Love you all so many.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

The moment they realized they were in love (First Realization)

Adam

When Adam first met you, he was attacking the hotel full force and on his deathbed. However, he noted how well you fought and how forceful you were in combat.

This admiration only followed when he awoke in hell, and Charlie took him to the hotel to attempt redemption. Even though you were initially cold to him, he couldn't help but appreciate you.

The Vees became the hotel's primary foe once Adam had become a sinner. Battle after battle occurred on the front lawn. You were so protective and forward-thinking that no one had a chance to hurt him.

He started seeking you out not for any reason other than wanting to understand your motives better and why you acted the way you did. However, this was a horrible lie he told to save face.

During a recent battle, you got struck and hurt pretty severely with an angelic weapon Val shot off. All the pieces aligned with Adam as he watched you fall. He couldn't imagine life without you.

Adam fought the hardest he ever had and was the biggest factor in your victory against the Vees. He did not care for the praise or boasting the others gave; all he cared about was nursing you back to health.

Alastor

You had been a good worker at Mimzy's bar, always taking the flapper girl role very seriously, even though you died long after that.

Alastor met you a handful of times, always appreciating how well you fit the outfits and danced with the other girls and band. Jazz was always his all-time favorite, but the club played great swing tunes.

It was the day that you began wearing a specific red number gifted to you by your boss, and Alastor made his monthly visits weekly and eventually daily.

He enjoyed watching everyone cowered away from you when he sat center floor to witness your best performances. He was always right there smiling and cheering you on.

He never realized how these growing affections turned into love till he saw that stupid loan shark put his hands on you. As soon as he did, he was a dead man, and Alastor stood before everyone, threatening them.

You were thankful, and the simple touch of your arm so you didn't break his boundaries sent his heart soaring higher. He realized he was a dead man walking when it came to you in his life.

Husk

Being a slave to your soul bind was hard work for some and easy for others. You were one of the lucky few who got an easy life working under Rosie.

Husk admired how you always had a genuine smile and a go-getting problem-solving attitude. Even when it came to his sour pussy cat attitude.

Due to Rosie's favoritism over you, it was quick work for you to earn favoritism with Alastor, letting the grumpy bar cat have some more much-needed freedoms.

He wouldn't lie; having you around was his immediate enjoyment of your presence. However, things changed as you talked to him more and listened to him as well.

He realized how fucked he was when you sat there with a soft smile on your face letting him talk about anything and everything. When Al came downstairs and went to order him around, you sat there firm in your place, shooing the deer off.

He would do anything to thank you for the little bits of freedom you keep granting him and the kind warmth you emanate from that smile he adores.

Lucifer

When you stumbled upon the Hazbin Hotel, everyone was amazed how someone so cheerful and outgoing like Charlie could be a sinner and an alive one at that.

However, you were quickly acclimated and right by Charlie's side, helping Vaggie get her girlfriend's dreams up and running—something Lucifer noticed right away.

You never saw anything as too outlandish or even weird; you were just right there helping in any way you could, which is something he began to love about you.

You also extended this sunshine positivity to him, which only elated him more. No amount of darkness or fear was safe from you and your warm positivity.

He knew he fell the moment he eagerly expected your appearance in his daughter's study. No, he couldn't wait to see you enter his, which would only be five minutes later; he had to see you now.

Of course, as soon as you entered and a bright smile crossed your face, he knew he was safe and could conjure anything up, and you would be right there by him, making it all work out.

Vox

He first encountered you when you were looking for a job after you fell to hell. Your looks screamed sex work; however, your personality fit more of an office role.

He didn't know why he took pity on you, so instead of letting Val have you, he stepped in and gave you a job as a secretary in VoxTech.

You were a diligent and hard worker who ensured he never missed a meeting or production interview. He was honestly grateful for how meticulous and organized you were.

You even helped the other Vees, which took much off his plate. He was so thankful you learned how to calm Val and assist Vel.

He realized the fatal error in his plans, though, when he saw Val trying to make a pass at you. He was livid and quickly explained to Val that you were his and his alone.

Though he refused to admit to you or anyone else why he was so hostile about the interaction, he knew deep down that it was because you were growing on him. You were designed to be so helpful to him, no one else.

Prompt assistance: @literallurker

[sammysbrokenheart]

Infinity.

Summary: You and Billie met before the fame and the fortune, but some things aren't always meant to be. (written in your pov)

Billie and I have been attached at the hip since we were 14. We did everything together and that's how we like it.

When we turned 15 it turned into something flirty. It was so innocent though. Two best friends seeing each other differently. That was also around the time Ocean Eyes happened.

Billie's life changed rapidly, but your bond stayed exactly the same. Somewhere during all the chaos you two fell in love and your best friendship turned into your first ever relationship.

"Baby I miss you," she says over the phone. That was the only way that we could communicate lately because Billie became so busy.

"I miss you too my love," I say sitting up from my bed. It was the middle of the night, between all of the touring and craziness she always tried to call. She sometimes forgets that timezones exist.

"When I get home I'm gonna spoil you rotten baby," She said and I could feel my heart skip a beat.

She's supposed to come home in three days and I can't wait to finally see her again. In three days is also my 18th birthday and in all the years of dating (all two years) she always made sure to make your day special.

I remember last years birthday was so romantic. She filled my bedroom with balloons and other cute decorations. After the shock died down we had dinner and watched Spirited Away. That's our favourite movie to watch together.

~~~next day~~~

"Why the face?" my brother asked when we were busy washing and drying the dishes the next day. I almost cut my hand from shock because my mind was so occupied.

"Yesterday Billie and I were talking and I don't know... I feel uneasy," I say handing him the knife in my hand.

"Why?" my brother said with a confused look on his face.

"I don't know I haven't heard from her since then and I know it could be nothing, but it doesn't feel like that..." I say scrubbing the plate in my hand.

"Come on it's Billie we're talking about... She loves you," he said slowly taking the plate out of my hand.

I could feel tears forming in my eyes and my heart felt heavy. She did love me. I kept repeating that to myself

"Heyyy stop doing that! It's gonna be okay," he pulled me into his arms and I couldn't help but cry.

~~~next day~~~

I woke up bright and early. I couldn't sleep from excitement anyway. I spent the better half of my morning picking something to wear and when I finally did it was 10 am, I spent 3 hours picking something to wear.

My parents and brother surprised me with a very sweet birthday breakfast. After the birthday breakfast my best friend Allan and Britney came to drag me away to some surprise.

I tried not to be too excited about it. I kept thinking that maybe Billie was waiting at the destination, hidden away somewhere to surprise me, but that wasn't the case. The surprise was a lovely picnic with all of our other friends. They sang for me and baked me the most delicious cake yet somewhere deep inside I was disappointed.

I looked down at my phone, no message.

"Come in birthday girl let's go take some pictures by the lake," Britney pulled me up from where I was sitting and dragged me to where the others were standing. Allan brought her camera and she was super excited to take some pictures.

After another hour they took me back home. At home my mother and father were in the backyard chatting and my brother was nowhere no be found.

Time passed slowly and before I knew it, it was dark. I stared up at the ceiling. Every second felt agonizing because they were seconds without Billie. Maybe I jinxed myself? Why did I say what I did yesterday?

I picked up my phone and tried to call her. What if something was wrong and she wasn't okay? Her call went straight to voicemail which was very unlike her and that made me panic even more.

The next morning came slowly. Anxiety kept me awake all night, this horrible feeling landed in the pit of my stomuch. I slowly dragged myself out of bed and went straight to the bathroom.

I decided to freshen up and take a shower immediately. There was no use in trying to sleep again. I went to pick up my phone and saw that it's off, it must have died in the middle of the night.

After placing my phone on charge I went down stairs to make myself some breakfast. Suddenly there was a knock at the door.

"I know I fucked up and I know you're probably mad at me, but I swear I can explain," Billie said as soon as the door opened.

I could feel my heart melt. All the anger and disappointment disappeared the moment I saw her.

"Y/N..." she said again and I realized that I must have zoned out.

Without any warning I wrapped my arms around her holding her tightly. It felt so comforting to be in her arms again like finally coming home after a long trip. Billie was my home.

"Let me make it up to you?" she asked and I nodded immediately. I didn't care what we were doing or what she had planned as long as we were together.

She was recognized all day and because she has such a big heart she made sure to give every fan equal attention. It made my heart swell to see her interact with her fans. It made me proud. At the same time spending time with Billie made me realize that I had no idea who she was anymore.

In the middle of our outing to the movies she got a call. She apologized profusely whispering frantically as she quickly got up and rushed out of the movie theater.

I sat there frozen staring at the screen. For some reason I couldn't move and for a moment it felt like I couldn't move at all.

This was her way to make up for missing my birthday and she left. She left.

That night she was on a plane back to wherever, I didn't care to ask, when she told me she was gone I immediately ended the call.

~~~two months later~~~

I broke up with Billie a week after that incident, I didn't want to, but it was for the best. I refused to watch us slowly drift the way I've been doing. My girlfriend became a stranger to me.

"Okay sis this tree is ugly as hell," my brother said with a judgemental look on his face as he examined my tree decorations.

I stood back looking at my Christmas tree.

"What do you mean!? This is the prettiest fucking Christmas tree ever," I said defensively.

My father peeked through the door, "He's right sweety..."

"Dad why would you take his side!" I said just as the doorbell rang.

I hurried to the door, it was probably Allan coming with her gift for me. I opened the door and immediately closed it and ran back to the living room.

"Who was it?" my brother asked then suddenly the doorbell rang again.

"Don't you dare!" I told him, but he didn't listen.

"Oh my gosh Billie!? Come on in baby!" my mother beat my brother to the door.

My brother bolted along with my dad. Suddenly it was just Billie and I alone in the living room. I quickly walked to the tree and started to remove the decorations. It was fucking ugly.

"This is a God awful tree," she said standing next to me and started helping me remove the decorations.

"Shut up..." I said.

I could feel her look at me every once in a while, but I didn't dare to look at her.

"So... Fuck Y/N look at me!" she said cupped my face in her hands forcing me to look at her.

"Billie I don't know what you're doing here-"

"I am here to get my fucking girlfriend back. At first I was a smart ass and I wanted to prove to myself that I'm alright but I'm fucking not. I'm not fucking alright Y/N," she said. I pushed her hands off of my face and took a step back.

"Y/N I know I get busy and I'm sorry for not always bringing you along on my journey, but I want you here. I want you with me, please let me prove to you how much I want you around," she said and I sighed. I had no idea what I was going to do.

Cliffhanger ♡♡

[witchesverse]

someone loved me, someone fucking loved me.

pairing: rio vidal x reader

summary: you have lost the two most important people in your life: your wife and son. so, when death visits, you need to hurt her.

content: mentions of death, crying, magic fighting, punching in the face, angst without a happy ending, bleeding, heartbreak, mention of agatha harkness x reader.

You felt when she died. It was an uncomfortable, eerily feeling; you felt alone for the first time in centuries.

You ignored the feeling. You didn't want to believe she was dead. You couldn't believe she was dead. Agatha Harkness doesn't just die.

You felt her presence before you saw her. It was a gloomy, depressing feeling; you felt desperate for the first time in centuries.

"You can't ignore me, you know," She spoke softly.

You shuddered at the sound of her voice. You hadn't heard it since he died and never wanted to hear it again. Alas, you knew you would. That stupid promise Agatha made Rio promise meant you would.

"Go away, Rio."

Her hand brushed against your arm and you flinched, pulling away from her.

"How?"

The world seemed to pause at your question. The chirping from the birds and the rustling of the trees seemingly vanished.

Rio stuttered an incoherent sentence before taking in a deep breath. "It had to be one of them, okay?"

"What?"

"The kiss of death."

A blast of magic slammed into Rio's chest and sent her flying into the wall. Tears were glistering in your eyes as you stalked towards her, magic surrounding your fingers.

You couldn't kill Death, but you sure as hell could hurt her.

"I fucking hate you." Your voice broke with emotion as you screamed at her.

Another blast of magic hit Rio when she tried to stand, forcing her back to the ground.

"You are an evil, horrible monster and I wish I never met you." You snarled. "You have caused only pain and chaos for my family. You are the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

Rio didn't reply and that only angered you.

You lifted her body and threw her out a window. The glass smashed, piercing her skin. Her body landed in the field of flowers surrounding your house.

Rio was on her feet once you got to her. She was bleeding in multiple places and her own magic surrounded her fingers.

"You don't want to do this," Rio said. "You know who will win."

"I don't need to win." You summoned another ball of magic and aimed it at her, which she dodged.

Your magic wasn't enough to hurt her. You needed to feel her blood on your skin.

You tackled her to the ground and straddled her stomach. You landed a few punches to her face before she managed to grab your wrists and stop you.

"I didn't want it to be her."

You fought in her hold. "Bullshit."

"And I didn't want it to be Nicky, either."

"Don't." You felt your heart breaking into a million pieces at the sound of his name.

The day Death took Nicholas was one of the worst. You cried and begged for her to bring him back—for your boy to come back. Agatha didn't beg, but she cried. You remember holding her in your arms, promising that it would be okay whilst Death stood over you, watching the heartbreak that she caused to happen.

"I never wanted to hurt you." She whispered. "None of you. I wanted you both to be happy."

"I hate you."

Uncontrollable tears fell down your cheeks and you gasped for air in between sobs. Rio brushed away a few tears with her thumb, smiling sadly.

That action broke you.

You wrapped your arms around Rio's neck and buried your face in the crook. She slipped her hands under your shirt and rubbed comforting circles.

"I hate you so much."

Rio hummed. She knew you did.

"She promised me that she would come home. She said that nothing bad would happen to her, but you k-killed her."

Your voice broke again. You couldn't believe those words were leaving your mouth.

"I know, baby."

You cried until you couldn't cry any longer and she held you in her arms the entire time. She kissed your face every time you expressed your hatred for her and she let you make her body bleed with your fingernails and teeth.

She wasn't going to leave. Not this time. She promised that once Agatha died, she would stay with you until your end. Even if you fought her, screamed, and hurt her. She would never leave.

And no matter how big your hatred for her was, her love for you was always 10x bigger.

[shinysobi]

pretty u

summary: when joshua, your best friend gets engaged, you can't help but feel as though you're missing out on something important. jihoon, your other best friend, kindly offers to set you up with one of his many friends. chaos ensues, seungkwan is an observer who knows everything, and unfortunately, mingyu is a hapless victim.

pairing: woozi x fem!reader

genre: crack, fluff, angst

word count: 10k~ish

warnings: alcohol consumption, general warnings apply

a/n: angst central again lmao but there's something good for everyone ig hehe also dedicated to gigi, who's been the first reader of this hehe

a/n 2: reblogs/comments/likes are, as always, much appreciated! tell me if you like it lmao

chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3

Chapter 3

I learnt, at a very young age, that the best thing to do in any situation, is to ultimately do nothing. If you do nothing, then you will never fail. I’ve managed to spend my entire life doing the bare minimum, but right now? Right now, with Jihoon’s face half a feet away from mine, close enough for me to see the dried tears on his cheeks, I begin to wonder if it’s the best thing to do.

“You should say something,” Jihoon says, wiping his face, “I didn’t run half a mile uphill just for you to say nothing.”

What does he actually want me to say? I’ve furiously racked my brain to find the correct words to say to him; in the aftermath of the argument, but I’ve always come up empty. Its odd, and strangely humbling, this experience. Should I even say something? Am I allowed to? Jihoon stares at me, and it’s only then that I realise, he’s still holding my hands.

“I’m sorry.” I say, “I’m sorry for everything I said that night.”

“No, you were right. I shouldn’t have forced all those decisions on you when you were not—are not ready.” Jihoon says, “but I really can’t imagine myself in a world where I am not your friend.”

He leans down, picking up a plant, “for your kitchen garden. Your chive plant died last month.”

I take it from him, the lingering warmth of his hands on my skin, “this is your idea of a housewarming gift?”

“This is all I could get at such short notice,” he replies, “all the other stores were closed, so I got this from a street vendor.”

“That’s—unexpectedly sweet of you, Jihoon,” I say, turning to place the pot on the floor, “do you want to come in?”

Jihoon nods, before slipping off his shoes and his jacket, entering my still-unfurnished house. All of a sudden, I’m self-conscious about the state of the place, even if he has seen worse. What am I doing, getting worked up over Jihoon entering my home?

“Look,” he begins, standing in the middle of the kitchen, “these past few weeks have been a personal kind of hell for me. I know you don’t care, but I’m just putting it out there. Life without you, without seeing you every day, without talking to you, has been hell, and I don’t want to live in it anymore.”

“Jihoon,” I begin, but he holds up a hand, silencing me.

“I’ve felt like shit, knowing that you’re just out of my reach, to the point where even if I reach for you, you won’t be able to see me, to talk to me, to be the kind of person I know and love, and it’s been excruciating, having to live with that knowledge.”

“Jihoon, what are you trying to get at?”

He takes a deep breath, as if readying himself for something horrible, “what I mean to say, is that I lied.”

“What? You lied about what, Jihoon?”

“It’s about—” he throws up his hands, “don’t you have any alcohol around here? Why do I have to have this conversation with you while sober?”

“Jihoon, I just moved in today. Of course, I don’t have alcohol, you idiot.” I cross my arms over my chest, “if you have nothing else to say, then you should leave. It’s getting late, and I have a lot of work left to do around the house tomorrow. If all you came here for was to apologise  then it’s fine, I accept your apology—”

“Damn, woman, will you let me finish? I’m trying to get at something!”

“Well then, get at it faster!”

“I lied about getting over you!”

One thing I hate about this apartment is how silent it is.  In my previous apartment, at all times of the night, there would be someone making a noise, and I hated how it would disturb my sleep. Right now, there’s silence. There’s silence and then there’s us, standing in the half-dark. Jihoon looks like he wants to say something, but has been holding himself back. 

“What-what do you mean?” I say, after what seems like a lifetime, “what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I said that I lied about getting over you. I liked you back when I was doing my military service, and I still like you now.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I can assure you, I’m just as serious about this as I am with my work.”

“Then are you saying—”

“I like you. I’ve liked you for a long time, and I think I’ll continue liking you for a long time.”

“Jihoon, I don’t like you like that.”

“I know,” Jihoon looks pained, and for the first time in my life, I want to lie and say that no, Jihoon, I like you too, but I can’t, “look, my feelings are my own. You don’t have to reciprocate them. You and I are separate people, and I don’t want to impose my feelings on you.”

“Then why did you say all this?” my voice communicates all my frustration, “then why did you come here and tell me all this, if you didn’t want to sway me? You were the person who kept telling me to move on, and now you come here and tell me this?”

“Because I felt like I was dying!” Jihoon yells, “not talking to you, not seeing you, not being able to text you, all this made me feel like I was dying. I didn’t tell you anything because I wanted to preserve our friendship, but when I can’t see you around, my heart feels as though it’s stopped functioning. All I could think about was you.”

“Jihoon,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t betray my frustrations, “you don’t like me in a romantic light.”

“Don’t presume my feelings.”

“I’m not! I’m just pointing out that we have been friends for a long time, and that your feelings for me might just be you overthinking your feelings of friendship and thinking its something else when really, its just friendship. I don’t think you like me romantically, Jihoon. I think you’re just confused.”

Jihoon doesn’t say anything for a long time. I would have felt better if he had cursed me, or if he had become angry, but all that remains of Jihoon right now, in this moment, is someone whose feelings are replaced with—just nothing.

Jihoon checks his watch, “look, it’s late, you should get some sleep.”

He turns around,  opening the door, and pauses for a moment before turning around. “I don’t care if you’ve stopped, or if you’re terrified of moving forward. I’ll stay there with you until you’re ready. I don’t care how long it takes.”

“And another thing.”

“Yes?” I ask, voice cracking in the middle of the word. This is going to haunt me in my nightmares.

“Your dream,” Jihoon says, hand on the door handle, “I’ll help you fulfil it. No matter what it takes.”

—

Seungkwan is at my door the next morning, even before I’m fully dressed, carrying a box of Jeju oranges. Even before I can open the door fully, he’s in my apartment, staring at my face. 

“My mom sent these for you, by the way,” he says, then takes a look at my face, “whoa, Sunbae, you look like you haven’t slept all night.”

“I know, I know,”  I mutter, “just had some things to think about, that’s all.”

“Think about?” Seungkwan starts to unpack my crockeries, “you look like hell. I’m not kidding, you look awful.”

“Wow, thanks, Seungkwan, that sounds like a great compliment.” I mutter, settling down into a chair, “coming into my home on a Saturday and telling me I look ugly, way to make a girl feel great.”

“I’m not being sarcastic, I’m concerned. There’s a difference.” He sits in the chair next to mine, “is there anything I can help with?”

“Seungkwan, you’re sweet, but this is something I can’t really talk about.” I mutter, “some things aren’t meant to be shared with everyone.”

And really, what can I say? ‘oh, don’t worry, Seungkwan, my best friend since university, the person with whom I haven’t been talking to for the past few weeks, came to my apartment last night to confess that he had feelings for me?’ How does one even begin that conversation? Not to mention the embarrassment that Jihoon would face if I were to ever spill the beans to the guys. He’s always been intensely private, even in his romantic affairs. To spill his secrets would just be cruel.

It's really, really not as though I haven’t received romantic confessions. There have been people who have asked me out, who have said that they liked me, from university classmates to people at work. Even in school, when all I could think about were university entrance examinations, and how I had to get into a university in Seoul because that was where my sister went too, I had a few people tell me they had feelings for me, I have had people get angry when I turned them down, I’ve had people get sad when I said, no, I’m sorry. Yet, all this feels new. What do you actually say when someone you’ve known for years, tells you that they hold feelings for you? What is the appropriate thing to say, especially if you don’t know what your own feelings are?

“You know, I grew up with three older sisters, right?”

“Yes, you keep reminding me of it every other day.”

“Yes, so,” Seungkwan leans forward, inspecting my face, “you look like you’ve got something weighing down on your mind. And while I might not be Joshua-hyung or Jihoon-hyung, I can be a pretty good listener.”

“No, I don’t think I can tell you this. It’s not my secret to tell, and even then, I don’t want to burden you with something that shouldn’t be your responsibility in the first place.”

“Sunbae,” Seungkwan asks, “does this have anything to do with Jihoon-hyung?”

I stare at him. “When did you get so fucking perceptive?”

“So, it is,” he leans back in his chair, self-satisfied and smug as hell, “I knew it. I knew he’d do something like this.”

“You knew?” I ask, and Seungkwan nods, “you knew, and you didn’t think of telling me? not even once? Not even a single heads-up?”

“And? What would we even say? ‘Jihoon-hyung likes you, please be advised he might try to confess his feelings?’ Would you have even liked it?”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.” I shake my head, “really? This is something everyone knew about?”

Seungkwan nods, “I think most of us are aware of Jihoon-hyung’s feelings towards you, given how he acts.”

I hold up a hand, “Wait, pause. How he acts? What do you mean, how he acts? I’ve never seen him be anything other than perfectly normal with me.”

“That’s the problem with you,” Seungkwan clarifies, “your baseline is different when it comes to Jihoon-hyung. He treats you much more differently than he does all of us, and you’ve never noticed? Not even once?”

“No, clearly, I haven’t, Seungkwan, explain.”

Seungkwan takes a deep breath, as if trying to gather his thoughts into a proper sequence, and begins, “well, for once, he always does what you want, even if he is initially against it. With anyone else? You can’t even convince him to lift a single finger, but he drove all the way to the restaurant that one time, dropping the recording for Soonyoung’s new album. Sure, he didn’t get in trouble, but he did that just because you called.”

“He ran out of a recording session?” I have to repeat myself, because in all the years that I have known Jihoon, he’s always put his work before everything else. In university, he spent days and nights in the makeshift recording studio he had in his home, only venturing out to get food once every two days. Even his recording studio was off-limits to us, until he had finished working on a project. That Jihoon left Soonyoung in the middle of a recording session to come pick me up because I was drunk? “Should I apologise to Soonyoung?”

“The only person you should be apologising to, is me,” Seungkwan send me a dirty look that would have anyone else cringing, “I come here to help you unpack and decorate your home, and this is what I have to hear?”

“You’re a traitor. You’ve been hiding Jihoon’s feelings from me for god knows how long, and now you expect me to be nice to you? Get a grip on yourself.”

“This is,” Seungkwan wags a finger at me, “this is just shooting the messenger. You think the others haven’t kept his secret from you?”

“What? Even Jeonghan-oppa? He’s betrayed me too?”

Seungkwan smiles, “there are no allies in this stupid game you both are playing. We’ve all known about his feelings ever since he came back from the military and hung up that stupid photo of the two of you on his wall. He would have had it framed it if the quality wasn’t like it was taken on a microwave.”

I think about the picture, Jihoon with the flat cap and me beside him, flashing a wide, toothy smile. “He tried to get it framed?”

“Seungcheol-hyung had to talk him out of it, because it’s insane, having a picture of another girl framed and putting in your bedroom while you’re trying to get a girlfriend is not the best thing to do, in retrospect.”

“Ah yes, wasn’t this when he was dating the music major? The intern at the office?” I’m trying to keep my voice light, but unfortunately, I know everything about his past relationships, the serious and the casual. The girls at university, the intern he dated for a month before she dumped him, and the office worker who he dated for a year before she finally grew sick of him and left. “I don’t remember them that well.”

“Liar. You remember every detail.” Seungkwan grins, “just like Jihoon-hyung can recite the names of all your exes backwards if he wanted to, “You remember every detail about all of Jihoon-hyung’s relationships. Yes, this was when he was dating the intern, and Seungcheol-hyung pointed out that it probably would not be the best look to frame a picture of the girl your girlfriend hates, and put it in your bedroom where you could see it every morning and every night.”

“May we all thank Seungcheol-oppa for his infinite wisdom.” I say, and Seungkwan gives me a high five, “wait, she hated me? but I was nice to her! And not fake nice, which is what I generally am, I was actually nice to her!”

“She still hated you, though. There was nothing you could do about that relationship.”

“Really?”

“Really. It’s the same the other way around, too. Remember when you were dating that artist who hated the idea of Jihoon-hyung being around?”

“Oh, him? I remember that. He once tore down all the pictures I had with Jihoon, insisting that I was cheating on him. in his defence, we were twenty-three, so, I don’t blame him for making bad choices.”

Seungkwan groans, “this way, it’s going to take at least a hundred years before you wake up, too. Sunbae! Have you not realised it yet, or do I have to spell it out for you?”

“Realised what?”

“That you like hyung as well? That its not just him who’s chasing, but also you?”

I scoff, “no, I don’t like Jihoon! I don’t know why you are saying this, but I don’t like Jihoon. He’s simply a friend of mine.”

“You once drove to Hwacheon in the middle of winter for his birthday.”

“That’s different! It was his birthday, he was in the military, I had to do something! Besides, he only got one day for his leave, and none of you guys could go.”

“Sunbae, driving to Hwacheon is a bit too much, don’t you think?” Seungkwan stares at me, “you’re telling me you drove through snow and went halfway to North Korea for your friend?”

“Yes! No! I don’t know!” I wail, falling onto the floor on a heap, “all I know is that I want Jihoon in my life. I can’t live without him; these past few weeks, its as though life has lost its meaning for me. I don’t find my work fun anymore; I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I can’t give him up.”

“I don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty romantic to me.”

I narrow my eyes, “you’re just enjoying the fun, aren’t you?”

Seungkwan giggles, “and what if I tell you I am?”

“I’d kill you.”

Seungkwan says nothing, just continues to grin as though he’s watching a sitcom, or a variety show. What would a variety show based on my life look like? Something like I Live Alone, but entirely for people struggling with romance problems; if I worked in a bigger broadcasting company,  I would have pitched this idea. People would get on there, and just talk about their romance problems.

“Sunbae—no, noona.”

Seungkwan calling me by the familiar honorific catches my attention. Since I have known him, Seungkwan has never once referred to me in that familiar a tone, always with the more respectful sunbae, reserved for departmental seniors. Especially since joining the news desk, he has refused to call me anything but. It gives me a sense of respect, obviously, but it also seems as though he has always kept me at arm’s length.

“You’re being familiar with me, Seungkwan,” I say, “what’s happened?”

He sits next to me on the floor, staring at me, “noona, have you ever really done anything for yourself?”

I give him a look. “What do you mean, if I have done anything for myself? Everything I do is for myself; I think we’ve established that. If you made a list of the most selfish people you know, I would probably rank top five in there.”

“That’s what you think. You always keep talking about how you’re doing things for yourself, but in reality, all you do, is based on the needs of others.”

“I think you’re trying to make me into a martyr, Seungkwan, when all I have done is be a selfish person.”

“I also think that you consider yourself to be a selfish person because that’s what you’ve been taught to believe.”

“Seungkwan,” I say, mildly, “look at the society we live in. its either hyper individualistic, or it’s based on outdated systems of collective identity; either way, I’m not actually doing anything I want to do myself. It is all things I’ve been taught. How to be, how to act, how to think.”

“And that isn’t wrong, per se, but you have to think, at some point, that your existence is based on how others think of you. Even with Jihoon-hyung, you’re just going off of what we might think of you, what he might think of you. Have you even figured out your own feelings?”

“And what if we break up? What if I say to Jihoon, that yes, I’d like to date you too, but we break up soon? Within one month, two months? I’m terrified of losing him, to the point where I’m happy to be his friend just to keep him in my life. Why else do you think I rejected him?”

“You rejected him?” Seungkwan screeches, “noona, you’re in love with him, and you rejected him?”

“Being friends with him is more important to me than being his girlfriend,” I say, “to be his girlfriend is something I don’t want to imagine.”

“Because you don’t want to be his girlfriend, or because you don’t want to get your hopes up?”

I groan, lying back down on the floor, “I don’t know, and I don’t want to think about it either.”

Seungkwan smiles, “hey maybe, you should try and think about what you want to do, before doing what everyone else expects of you. Even if that’s what you are going to end up doing anyway, maybe, you should at least be aware of what you want.”

—

On Monday, I walk into the office with my eyes bloodshot, and dark circles underneath them, ten minutes after the team meeting has begun. Both the Editor and the Assistant Editor take one look at my face and decide not to tell me anything for showing up late to the meeting.

“We were talking about your column, Sunbae,” Haewon says as I nurse my coffee, “the readers loved it. We’ve been getting so many responses and letters to the office after you began the column.”

“We are?” I ask, “who the hell is screening through the letters, then?”

“I am,” the Assistant Editor says, “I figured you didn’t need one more thing on your plate, and I sorted out whatever you had to. For the first time in a long while, we have fan mail coming to the office.”

“Huh?” I catch the last part of that sentence, “we have fan mail?”

“Yes, and a lot of it, too,” the Assistant editor smiles at me, “at this rate, we might start a radio show if we have the funds for it.”

“We’ll never have the funds for it,” I wave a hand, “having a radio show is out of the question.”

“Still, it seems nice that the desk is getting a lot of other attention too, other than doing book reviews and movie reviews.” The editor says.

“You do realise, all this is coming at the expense of my sleep?” I grumble, “this is the worst idea you could ever have. A radio show? I can barely talk to people. You want me to go on a show and talk to people in real-time?”

“Yes, yes, which is why we are not thinking about it,” the Editor clarifies, “you just need to continue writing the column as you have been. That much is enough for the desk.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes, Sunbae,” Seungkwan slides an energy drink towards me, “it’s enough for the desk if you just do things as they come by. No one is asking you to do more than what’s required.”

“You say that now, Seungkwan, but pretty soon they’ll be asking favours from you, too.” I smile at him, “don’t let anyone walk over you here. Its difficult to stop them once you’ve begun letting them have their way.”

During lunch break, Seungkwan sidles up to me in the cafeteria, where the members of the desk have congregated (on news of them serving galbi-tang), and asks, “Sunbae, have you finished moving in? Jeonghan-hyung wanted me to invite you to a party this weekend.”

“Why didn’t he invite me himself?” I ask through a mouthful of beef, “has he lost my number?”

“No, he’ll probably invite you personally, but he wanted me to tell you beforehand.”

I narrow my eyebrows, “what am I, some sort of minister? Why are there levels of protocol when approaching me for an event?”

Seungkwan shrugs, “you know how Jeonghan-hyung is. You once told him you were uncomfortable at a party, and he’s taken that to heart ever since.”

I roll my eyes. The party in question was one thrown in the first year of university, after appropriate introductions had been made, and me and Jihoon had been invited out to a party by Joshua and his friends, where I got blind drunk and regretted it the next morning. Ever since that night, the boys have been particular about when to invite me out, none more so than Jeonghan, who apparently vetted all his invitations through Seungkwan, “tell him I’ll be there. And from now on, don’t let him vet his applications through you. If he wants to invite me out, he can call me himself. I don’t mind.”

“You do realise, if I relay your message verbatim to hyung, he’s going to be even more cautious of you?”

“Well, I’ll tell him myself, then.”

“Don’t tell him.”

I stare at Seungkwan, who looks serious, “really, sunbae, let other people care about you once in a while. Jeonghan-hyung is only mindful of your boundaries because he doesn’t want to overstep. He doesn’t see you as a burden, or as someone he needs to treat with kid gloves for the rest of his life.”

“Well, doesn’t matter what he thinks. If he continues to treat me like I’m a child, others might get annoyed with his actions.”

“Others? You mean the people that respect you and are cognizant of your boundaries and your shortcomings?” Seungkwan places a piece of meat in my rice bowl, I’m almost done with eating, “sunbae, people that make accommodations for you aren’t doing it because they secretly hate you, or that they’re bothered by your presence in events. They’re doing it because they want you to be there, and they like you enough to go out of their way to make a place for you at the table.”

“Seungkwan, this is much more complicated than that.”

“I don’t see why it has to be so complicated,” he says, standing up, “you keep being kind to people, but when they want to extend that same kindness to you, you reject it, saying its excessive. Aren’t you hurting yourself in the long run?”

“Seungkwan,” I hold my head in my hands, “I can’t just change my way of thinking.”

“Yes, I know,” he shakes his head, “just that—you should try at least.”

—

When I enter my apartment that evening, there’s a cloud hanging over my head. Its not simply the absence of Jihoon, but also Seungkwan’s words. To think that I haven’t been trying to accept the attentions of people, well, why am I trying to deny it? its correct.

My phone rings, and I pick it up without even checking the caller ID, “hello?”

“I had to hear from Jihoon that you had moved.”

I sigh. This is the last think I wanted to do at this moment, have a conversation with my mother, “sorry, I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to talk to anyone. I was too busy with work these past few weeks.”

“Still, it would have been nice to know that you moved, from you, and not from Jihoon.”

“Wait, mom, why—why are you talking to Jihoon instead of me?”

My mother laughs on the other end. It’s a nice thing, to hear her laugh, “because Jihoon, no, not just him, all of your friends call me more than you do. Jihoon even came by our house a few weeks ago, and had a meal with us.”

I sigh, “really, Jihoon—he’s going to piss me off at this rate.”

“No, don’t take out your frustrations on Jihoon. He’s a nice boy.”

I wonder how my mother would react if I told her that her ‘nice boy’ stormed into my apartment and told me he was in love with me ever since he went for his military service. She would probably jump with joy. “Sorry, mom,” I say, hoping my thoughts aren’t seeping into my voice, “I just started a new column at work.”

“Really? That’s so nice, I hope they aren’t overworking you.”

“No, mom, they’re not. I came home right on time today.”

“That’s good.” She says. I say nothing. What else is there to say? For someone who’s been alienated form their family for so long, all that remains is a string of hollow formalities and conversations that die out in a moment.

“How’s my sister?” I ask, in an effort to continue the conversation, “has she talked to you recently?”

My mother perks right up, “have I told you, your sister is getting married? She’s marrying Yong-Hwa in the spring. Has she not told you yet?”

In fact, my sister had told me, had told me how she was getting married to the love of her life, a prosecutor, and how she was envisioning the rest of her life with him, with children, a happy home, and more. It made me jealous; to see someone achieve their dreams when you are struggling with your own is not an easy thing.

“I heard,” I say, “how’s dad? Are his health problems persisting? Should I send more vitamins?”

“No, no, he’s perfectly fine. He’s still working as a lawyer, even though the doctor has told him not to. He says he’ll continue to work till he’s eighty.”

“Hah…dealing with father is tiring, isn’t it?” I groan, “I’ll come down the next time I get some time off. I’ll talk him into retiring properly.”

“You don’t have to do that,” my mother says, “knowing that you’re working hard is good enough for me, at least, this way, I can think that you’re doing well.”

“That’s good, then,” I reply, “sorry, mom, I’m getting another call. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, but don’t go for too long without talking to us.”

This is fine. To know that my parents are doing well, its okay. I can hold on for longer if that’s what helps them. I’ll be the daughter they’re proud of.

—

I’ve been wandering for far too long. Always trying to be the best version of myself. But what lies at the end of this journey? Is it just a means of fulfilling my parents’ wishes?

On most days, I want to be alone. So, I push people away, just to benefit myself. It has got nothing to do with how I feel about them, it’s just how I feel most at ease. I’ve always been on my own, its just easier. Its easier to be the person people relied on, instead of the person who had to rely on others. But just for once, I’d like someone to tell me that it will be okay. It will be okay to break down, that it will be okay if I fail. My life has been so barren, that even trying to do anything otherwise is too much. For so long I’ve been someone whose life has been dictated by the wishes of others, that I fear I wont even be able to live well if I decided to live by my own.

What does it mean, to have a dream? I had a letter sent to me, saying that their dream is to find happiness on their own. Well, happiness is something that comes after a long time. I’m searching for it too, but I hope you find it, sincerely. To walk towards happiness isn’t something that’s easy. But I appreciate you for taking that step. To walk towards what you want. What you need.

There’s another letter, that says, ‘I don’t have a dream yet’. Don’t worry, a dream isn’t something that’s complicated. They aren’t supposed to be; you’re supposed to find something that makes you happy, that makes you want to live again. That’s all. that is all there is to a dream. All around us, people are living day to day, they’re living without finding what makes them happy. I hope it finds you soon.

I’m tired. I’m tired of trying to find something that gives me purpose. The way I’m living now, it’s enough for me, to live an average existence, to live in a way that gives me peace, if not happiness.

What happens when that peace is taken away, too?

—

Jeonghan throws good parties. That’s a given. It’s not as though he invites many people, or that his parties are a riot of good fun, but he always makes people feel at ease, if not with his actions, then with his words. Its who he is. A source of constant comfort, that I feel guilty for trying to take advantage of.

I arrive at his house after finishing work with a bottle of wine, hesitating before I press the doorbell. Jeonghan lives in a house in the middle of Seoul that he got for dirt cheap because the people who lived in there were violently murdered in the early ‘00s, a fact that I had asked him about once, and he had simply brushed it of by saying that if there were ghosts, he would befriend them. I’d given up on asking him after that one exchange.

The door opens within ten seconds of me ringing the doorbell, and Jeonghan greets me with a wide smile, “I thought you wouldn’t come! Can I give you a hug?”

I nod, “I told you I would be there,” but the rest of my sentence is drowned out by Jeonghan enveloping me into a large hug. He smells like an expensive perfume, mixed with the familiar smell of chicken and beer. Ah, so its that kind of party.

“Make yourself at home, the rest of them already have.” He says, ushering me into the living room, “the rest of the boys are already here. We were just waiting for you.”

“Waiting for me?”

“Because, my dear writer, you’ve always turned down any invites for parties for five years now. Now that you’ve accepted my invite, you’re the star of this gathering.”

I don’t say anything, but my discomfort must have shown on my face, because he suddenly stops me, “hey, just so you know, I meant that as a joke. Seungcheol just got a big promotion at work, so he’s been bragging about that for an hour now. I doubt anyone will pay attention to you.”

“That’s nice.”

All around the low table, there are cans of beer, snacks, and boxes of fried chicken. Jeonghan must have prepared for a lot of people to come. Seungcheol is talking about his job, how he was now the team manager of marketing, and how happy it made him, to have so much responsibility at such a young age. There’s Chan, Vernon, and Seungkwan, gossiping about their respective fields of work, and Mingyu is sleeping on the end of the table, while Minghao and Wonwoo talk about how work has been nowadays. Jun is noticeably missing from the group, but I can see him in the kitchen, making himself another drink, and then, there’s Jihoon. Seated between Joshua and Seokmin, talking about something I can’t hear. I stand still in my tracks, unable to move. What do I say? After rejecting him so painfully, what do I say? I’m sorry, Jihoon? Sorry about what? Sorry about not being able to accept genuine affection in the fears that it might ruin the one good thing I have for myself?

“Aren’t you going to sit?” Jeonghan asks, gesturing to a seat beside Jihoon, “I thought you would be more comfortable if you sat beside Jihoon, since you’ve known him for longer.”

In fact, I’d rather sit anywhere other than beside Jihoon, but I take the seat next to him gingerly, and Seokmin eagerly moves over. Seokmin is like a child, eager, soft around the edges, and someone you want to protect, no matter what. Maybe if I could look into people’s minds, Seokmin’s would be pure, devoid of any harshness of the world; is that why I tried to protect him even when I had no right to?

“Noona,” Seokmin giggles, “have I told you about the play I’m performing in? I’ll give you a ticket, so you have to come, okay?”

His energy is so infectious, I can’t help but smile with him, “of course, I’ll come to see you.”

“Are you okay?” Jihoon asks, his voice so quiet I barely miss it, “you don’t really come to occasions like these.”

“Felt like it,” I mutter, “new year, new me, or should I say new apartment, new me?”

Jihoon laughs, “yeah, you seem like you’ve changed. Your hands are shaking.”

I look down at my hands, and true enough, they’re shaking. Whether from nervousness or something else entirely, I don’t know, but they’re shaking. I ball my hands into fists. Whatever happens, don’t let anyone know what you’re going through. “just tired, perhaps.”

“You have been working too much,” Joshua pipes up, “you never reply to any of my texts anymore.”

“That’s because you keep asking me about flower arrangements,” I reply, “why would I look at flowers when I can’t smell them?”

“Sunbae is very busy at the news desk,” Seungkwan pipes up, “did you know, she has a new co—”

“Shut up, Seungkwan,” I  mutter, reaching over to stuff a chicken leg in his mouth, “the work has been just harder these few days.”

Jihoon stares at me; it’s the same look he has in his eyes whenever he’s landed on something to probe, and sure enough, he asks, “why? What’s going on at the office?”

“Nothing!” I say, far too quick for it to even go past Seokmin or Joshua, (whom everyone, not just me, have deemed as the most scammable) “its nothing! Seungkwan just wanted to brag about his workload to everyone else.”

“Why the fuck would he do that?” Vernon asks, but is largely ignored by Jeonghan (my angel prince saviour Jeonghan) who arrives with drinks, a grumpy Jun in tow, announcing, “who wants shots!” and despite pushing thirty, Seungcheol, who had paused bragging about his work promotion, raised his hands, grabbing one of the shot glasses. Even Mingyu wakes up from his nap, raising his hand in the air and grabbing one of the shot glasses. They’re all going to regret it, I think to myself, then, feeling Jihoon’s eyes on me, grab a couple of the shot glasses myself. The drink is sugary, and multicoloured (Jun once wanted to be a bartender in university). It goes down far smoother than expected, since I’ve had Jun’s drinks since university, and they have tasted like battery acid far too many times for me to expect something nice out of his concoctions.

“This is actually nice,” Chan says, “hyung, what did you put in this?”

“Won’t be telling you,” Jun pulls a face, “you’ll just make it for other people and then take credit for it.”

Of course, this ensues in a squabble, with Chan loudly protesting that he would never do that to his beloved Jun-hyung (he would, I know) and Jun proclaiming that Chan is nothing but a dirty jerk who wants to put his grubby little hands, on Jun’s hard work and his creation (most likely, it was from a Reddit forum on bartending). One by one, the rest of them enter the argument, and I lean back into my seat, laughing at their antics. Its always chaos when I meet the boys, but somehow, its also peaceful. They’re loud, boisterous, and from whatever pictures Joshua and Jihoon had shared from their one shared ‘boys’ trip’, dirty as hell (these people laid out a carpet of towels instead of just drying their feet) but they know how to put someone’s mind at ease. Or at least, my mind at ease. I don’t know about others.

Its almost two in the morning when they quiet down. Jeonghan might have bought this house because it was dirt cheap and he wanted to make friends with the ghosts, but this house has one of the most gorgeous verandas I’ve ever seen. It looks out onto a peaceful Seoul street, and in the middle of the night, there’s no one here to complain if I smoke a cigarette.

I light one up, letting out a puff of air as I sit down on the marble flooring. It has been a long time since I smoked a cigarette (three days), and some of the smoke goes into my eyes when I let it out of my lungs. Its not enough to make me cough, but my eyes water nonetheless.

“You can smoke inside, if you want.” Jeonghan appears at the corner of my field of vision, “in fact, I think Minghao is smoking one right now.”

“Just wanted to get away from the noise a little,” I say, shaking the cigarette, “want to sit beside me?”

He shrugs, but crosses his legs and sits beside me on the marble flooring anyway.

After barely a minute, he turns to me, and without any warning, says, “so, has Jihoon told you he’s in love with you?”

I start coughing. Big, hacking coughs, and he just stares at me while I recover. I cannot believe I called him my saviour. “What—what do you mean?”

Jeonghan, the irritating bastard, still has that same, serene smile on his face, “you can’t possibly think that we all spent the last few years with our eyes closed now, have you? We’ve all known about Jihoon’s feelings for you, and now that you’re here, I can see that its reciprocated.”

“Wha-how are you even making these assumptions? I don’t have any feelings for him!” I whisper, “and yes, I know about his feelings. Even if they caught me somewhat by surprise, I’m aware of what kind of feelings he has for me.”

“And?” he leans close, “how does that make you feel?”

“How should it make you feel? I feel worried.”

“Worried?” he pulls a face, “if you wanted to get him off of your back, you’d say something like ‘I feel uncomfortable’, but you aren’t, because you don’t really feel uncomfortable, do you?”

I stare at him, fuck Jeonghan and his perceptive nature. “it’s not that I don’t feel uncomfortable, I just-don’t see the point in his confession.”

“Why? Why would a mere confession have you feeling this way? If you don’t want to accept it, then just say so. No one here,” Jeonghan points to the room, “will fault you for that. In fact, I think they’ll all commend you for it. Jihoon can be a tad bit difficult at times.”

I scoff, “he’s not difficult, he’s just—Jihoon.”

Jeonghan laughs, “see, I knew it. I knew there was something else there that you weren’t letting on. Now, come on, tell me,” and then spreads his arms wide, “tell oppa what’s bothering you.”

“If you refer to yourself as oppa again, I might have to kill you.”

This time, he laughs loud enough for people to hear inside, “fine, fine. I won’t be doing that anymore. But tell me, my dear writer, have you never thought about it? even once?”

I shrug, “of course I have. Everyone has those kinds of thoughts once in a while, I’m no different from the others, of course I’ve thought about it.”

“And?”

I shake my head, “nothing good will ever come out of it, because it’s a fifty-fifty chance. We either stick together until the end of time, or we break up and I can’t interact with him ever again.”

“So, you’d prefer to not try at all.”

“Yes, that’s exactly it.”

Jeonghan says nothing for a long time, and then finally, shrugs, “it’s your choice. If you don’t want to do something, then you shouldn’t force yourself to. But can I tell you something?”

“Yes?”

“When did he say that he started having feelings for you?”

I think for a moment, “since his military service.”

Jeonghan grins, sly, just the way I know his smile works, “As someone who’s seen Jihoon since his university days, I can tell you something. He’s got it wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Yes. He’s liked you since the day you walked into his life. There has been no moment in time when he was not in love with you. He might have realised it late in life, but he’s always been in love with you.”

I stare. Jeonghan isn’t the kind of person who makes random statements, so for him to say this, its strange. Jihoon has been in love with me ever since the first day? but that doesn’t make sense. “You do realise he’s dated other people too, while he was friends with me?”

“Of course, I know that. Both you and him have been running away from your actual feelings, but that doesn’t make it any more apparent that you have both been in love with each other since the day you met. Or at least, it has been that way for Jihoon.”

With that, Jeonghan stands up, dusting off his trousers, “there’s a guest bedroom in there for you. If you’re tired, just go inside and sleep.”

I look inside, where Chan is currently trying to balance a beer can on his forehead, “and the rest of them?”

“The rest of them can sleep on the couch,” he says, “it’s the least they can do after creating such a ruckus in my own home.”

��But you invited them.”

There’s a slightly evil glint in his eyes as he says, “yes, yes I did.”

—

The next morning, I wake up to people talking all over themselves, and the smell of pancakes wafting in the air. That has got to be Joshua. After cleaning up in the attached bathroom, I walk out of the guest bedroom, coming face-to-face with Jun, who’s carrying in his hands a very large tray, heaped with pancakes and a singular glass of milk.

“Is this for me?” I ask, and he nods, gesturing towards the kitchen, where Joshua is busy cooking a meal for thirteen people. Or fourteen, if you count me.

“Sorry, I can’t have breakfast right now,” I sidestep past him, and Jun follows me out into the kitchen, “sorry, but I have to leave right now.”

“Without having breakfast?” Jun asks, setting the tray down, where Chan promptly picks one up and stuffs it into his face, “you should have something at least.”

“Had too much to drink last night,” I offer up as a feeble excuse, avoiding Jihoon’s gaze. It’s strange, piercing in a way that I am not really used to, “I should probably get going. There’s still so much to be done in my apartment.”

“Speaking of apartments,” Wonwoo speaks through a mouthful of pancake, “when are you going to call us all over?”

“As soon as I can,” I reply, “I’ll host a potluck. You all can bring a dish, and it’ll be a party.”

“Instead of that, just make Mingyu cook,” Soonyoung grins, “he’ll be eager to help if it involves you. And cooking. But mostly, you.”

I open my mouth to say something, but Jihoon stands up, slipping on his stupid khaki jacket, “here, I’ll give you a ride. Come on, then.”

“Ah but hyung, you still have so much on your plate—” Chan is promptly cut off in the middle of his sentence by a swift elbow to the ribs by Seungkwan, “hyung! Why the hell did you do that?”

Jihoon ignores the squabble currently breaking out at the dining table, and stares at me, his car keys dangling from his left hand, “want to come?”

Before I can say anything to accept the offer of a ride, Soonyoung raises a hand, “Jihoon, weren’t you supposed to meet the other producers and sound engineers today? I’m supposed to be there too, but will you not be attending?”

Even though Jeonghan hisses at Soonyoung to shut up, I can already see the cogs in Jihoon’s mind turning. Clearly, he wanted to talk to me, or at least, he wanted to make an effort to talk to me, “I’ll take a taxi, then.” I say, trying to make an excuse for myself, “don’t worry, Jihoon, you don’t have to drop me home.”

“No, I can drop you off and then go to the office,” he begins, but Joshua cuts him off (while wearing a Rilakkuma apron) saying, “can’t Mingyu take her home? He’s going in the same direction as her, so he can drop her easily. You don’t have to overexert yourself and drop her off at the apartment when you’re going in the opposite direction.”

While not one to turn down a free ride, I raise my hand to complain that I don’t need to take Mingyu’s car to go back home, but Mingyu walks into the room at that moment, and before I can say anything, Joshua turns to him, saying, “are you going back home right now?”

“Yes, hyung, I’m off for the weekend since Minghao is handling the meetings this time around,” he says brightly, “I can drop her off!”

“That’s settled, then,” Chan announces, “Jihoon-hyung can take Soonyoung to the company.”

“You brat,” Soonyoung scowls, “why is Jihoon hyung and I’m just Soonyoung? Do you have no respect for your elders?”

“I once saw you vomit into a flowerpot,” Chan says, “at that moment, you lost all respect in my eyes.”

Before another scuffle can break out over breakfast, Mingyu says loudly, “I’m leaving then!”

—

I’m a big fan of travelling in silence. Even if it is with someone I like, I prefer to sit in silence and contemplate, instead of chattering on about my life. That’s a lie. Mingyu chatters on and on about the new collection and how its selling better than he or Minghao expected, “This is such great news for a fashion brand that was launched less than a decade ago, noona,” he says, while driving his fancy car, and I sit still in my seat and pray that he hasn’t noticed the awkwardness between me and Jihoon. I don’t expect him to notice, either. Mingyu might be nice and well-meaning, but he’s also painfully oblivious.

Which is why it takes me by surprise when he turns to me, while the car is halted at a stop sign, and says, “so, have you figured out what to tell Jihoon-hyung yet?”

I cough, “how-how did you know about that?”

Mingyu laughs, “you think we all were unaware of how he feels towards you? Pfft. Noona, we’ve been observing him since he was in university. He’s always been gone for you.”

I stare resolutely out of the window, “you’re evidently kidding.”

“Noona. He used to stay up with you when you had exams, he used to make sure you weren’t dead when you used to hibernate for long periods of time, he even had a space for you in the stupid apartment studio, are you seriously telling me you had no idea that he was in love with you all this while?”

“Of course, I didn’t!” I want to scream and tear out my hair in frustration, “of course not! I thought he was just looking out for me because I was his only female friend, and after university, I thought to myself, that this is how he usually is! Why would I think that he’s in love with me?”

“Well, he thought that it would be enough to impress you.”

“We were twenty-two! I thought he was an immature weirdo who had no idea how to maintain female friendships!”

“Yes, he’s usually like that,” Mingyu resumes driving, “but he’s got degrees of being familiar.”

“I know. Jihoon’s like a cat. He approaches you at his own pace. Doing anything else will just push him off.”

Mingyu laughs, “you know what, noona, I think you’re a lot like a cat too.”

“Kim Mingyu, watch what you’re saying.”

He grins, “you know I’m correct.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to say it this way.”

“The way I see it,” he says, slowing down as the car turns into the parking lot of the apartment, “you’ve always approached people at your own pace too. Seokmin and I were overenthusiastic when meeting you for the first time, and you refused to even acknowledge me for the rest of the semester.”

“Sorry about that, really.”

“We didn’t mind then, and we don’t mind now,” he shrugs, “its just who you are. And to accept the kind of person that one is, and then to continue caring for them, yeah, that’s love.”

“Jihoon’s just my friend,” I say, getting out of the car, “he’s just my friend, nothing more.”

“Noona, the fact that you keep repeating this to all of us, makes me wonder who it is that you’re trying to convince. Is it me, the rest of us, Jihoon-hyung, or yourself?”

“Kim Mingyu,” I warn, “you’re overstepping.”

“Sorry, noona, but I have to ask,” he walks into the elevator after me, “have you always seen him as a friend, and nothing more? I saw how you used to, no, how you still treat him differently than the rest of us. You’ve always had a soft spot where he was concerned. In fact, you still do, and you’re hiding it.”

“Drop it, Mingyu. You have no idea what happened the last time I said anything about this.”

The elevator dings, opening onto our floor, and Mingyu steps out right behind me, “Then tell us, noona. We, all of us, Jihoon-hyung, everyone around you—we are stumbling around in the dark because you’ve been so closed off about your past.”

I shake my head, pressing the keys in the keypad lock, “maybe, you shouldn’t be knowing about this one, Mingyu.”

The door closes behind me with an audible click, and even without pressing an eye to the keyhole, I know Mingyu is still standing in front of my door, deliberating over whether or not to knock. In the end, his loyalty wins over his curiosity; he walks away, over to his own apartment.

I sink into a heap at the doorway. What do I do? I know I’ve told Jihoon to ignore the confession and be exactly as we were before, but that is not possible anymore, now that I know how he feels towards me. every interaction I have with him will be grappling with this same truth, and I’ll always be wondering about how he feels towards me.

Out of habit, I pull my phone out of my pocket, swiping through messages and emails, when one of them catches my eye. It’s a simple, single-line message.

Read your column. I know its anonymous, but I know how you write.

—Sungwon

How bad is rock bottom? Is it possible to go below that? I have to remind myself to breathe, as I slowly collect myself from the floor, and go about the rest of my morning. Of course, I shouldn’t think about the people who have left me behind. It’s a disservice to myself. I’ve spent enough time and money in therapy to know that. But what happens when the past refuses to let go of you?

I dial the first number I can get my hands on. After three rings, Jeonghan picks up, his cheerful voice filling the line, “hi! Did you reach home already? Did Mingyu crash the car?”

“Oppa.” I say, “you have to listen to me carefully.”

“Why?” Jeonghan’s voice, so cheerful moments before, has been filled with anxiety, “what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lie, even as Jihoon’s voice floats over the line, yelling is she okay? “don’t let Jihoon know anything’s happened, please.”

“Yes, you reached fine?” Jeonghan says, voice nonchalant, “okay, I’m in another room, tell me what’s wrong.”

“Jeonghan-oppa.” It’s taking all  have to not break into sobs, “I once told a friend, that I liked them.”

“Okay, and?” his voice is kind, so kind, that it drowns out the other voices in my mind saying you don’t deserve this, “what happened?”

“He said—he told me that I’d ruined our friendship, and he never talked to me after that.”

“Oh, oh no, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry to hear that. What else can I say, that will help you feel better?”

“Just—hear me out, for now,” I continue, “and he’s never contacted me, but all of a sudden, he sent me an email last night.”

“What did he say in the email?”

“That he’s been following my writing. I don’t understand, how is it easy for people to be like this when they’ve hurt someone else?”

“Are you afraid Jihoon is going to break off all contact with you, and then email you years later like some kind of pathetic loser?” he scoffs, “if he did that, I would be first in line to break his legs.”

“No, I’m afraid I’m going to be that person to Jihoon,” I sob, “I think I’m going to hurt him and leave him behind, and that I’ll be the person to deal him that cruel hand.”

The line is silent on the other end.

“Jeonghan? Are you there?” I ask.

“It’s me.” Jihoon’s voice sounds rough around the edges, as though he’s been crying, “I heard everything.”

“Jihoon.” I plead, “please don’t do anything that’ll hurt you.”

“I’m coming over in ten minutes,” he mutters, hanging up.

And it’s done. Over. Fuck. I’ve thrown away years of friendship because I didn’t want to accept my own emotions and grow beyond the scared girl I was as a child.

I want to cry, but even that effort is too much for me, sinking down into a heap in the middle of my living room, listening to the sounds of the wall clock ticking down every second.

Even before ten minutes are up, the keypad beeps, before the door opens to reveal a very windswept Jihoon.

“How did you know my password?” is the only thing I can say to him.

He rolls his eyes, “you use the same password as my studio. Of course, I know your password.”

“Fair.”

Jihoon stares at me for a beat, then takes a deep breath, before kneeling down on the floor beside me, “I overheard everything.”

“I’m going to curse Jeonghan and his high-volume phone,” I mutter, “I told him to keep it a secret.”

“To be fair, he was only protecting you.” Jihoon laughs, “he didn’t know I was more persistent than he could ever imagine.”

I shoot him a dirty look. Jihoon sighs, “look, I know, the way I said things to you, wasn’t the most ideal—”

“They were horrible, actually,” I cut in, “you yelled at me that you loved me, and then you left.”

“—man, just let me finish,” Jihoon says, without any real spite, “but I wanted to tell you, that my feelings still haven’t, and will not in the future, affect the way I see you. I’ve always been proud to call you my friend, even if you keep secrets from me.”

“I don’t keep that many secrets.” I mutter.

“Really? Then what about the whole anonymous column thing?”

“You knew about that?”

Jihoon scoffs, “I’ve seen you write since the beginning of university. I know how you write better than anyone else, of course, I knew it was you.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I’m respectful.”

I scowl, “continue.”

“I just wanted to say that even if you wanted to push me away, you can’t,” Jihoon says, smug smile on his face, “I’m impossible to get rid of.”

“You’re not selling yourself very well.”

“You still haven’t given me an answer to my confession.”

“Look, Jihoon, it would never work,” I say, turning away from him, “we know too much about each other. We’ve seen each other’s worst moments. And what if we break up? Who’s going to tell the rest of the boys that we no longer have the same dynamic that we used to have and that its going to be different around us? They have the tact of a bull; you know how they are going to be.”

“That’s them,” he replies, “I’m asking about you. I want to know what you think.”

I sigh. Jihoon’s face is remarkably close to me; from here I can make out the tiny little freckles he has, and the way his eyes are shining, “I’m scared.”

His skin is so soft under my touch, has he always been this way? Jihoon leans into my touch as if he’s never felt anything like this, “scared of what?”

“That I’ll like you too much. That once I take a step forward, it’ll be too difficult to restrain myself again.”

Jihoon laughs, the tip of his nose touching mine, “one step forward, is okay. It’s allowed.”

“Are you quoting Crash Landing on You?” I laugh, even as his lips touch mine.

Kissing Jihoon is an experience; his skin feels soft under my touch, but his lips are insistent against mine, demanding and reverent alternatively, as though he can’t believe his luck that he’s kissing me, or that this is a dream, and what he needs to do is possess it, and then, this memory of a moment will be forever engraved in his heart. My hands go to the back of his neck, where his hair is softer than usual—has he washed it—but all I can feel, under my fingers, is how his heart beats, quicker than I’ve ever imagined it to be, and how it mirrors my own.

I don’t want this moment to end.