#the first being my edit ehehehe

[archivalofsins]

hey, do you remember if mikoto/john ever made any comment about the viewer's opinions? fuuta outright tells the voices to shut up, amane acknowledges them when fuuta asks her about it, and mahiru mostly just feels like her thoughts and love are being rejected. i dont think mikoto/john ever even acknowledge the viewers thoughts about their situation outside the double mv and vd, and even then that could be about what es thinks about them and not the omniscient viewers.

They do!

It's one of the things specifically highlighted by Milgram and Yamanaka within his tweet about Mikoto's voice drama. Through the fact that they recognize and view what Es has deduced through Milgram as valid.

To keep it short. Mikoto references the audience opinions in these instances.

This has been editted to get rid of spellings errors and add more context. Editted on 02/28/24. (There were so many spelling errors to correct don't know if I got them all. I added so much more quotes from the timeline and interrogations and tried to adjust for tone.)

"Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" (Doesn't directly reference Es just that things now feel like they never end. Along with things he's never even heard before.)

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" (Specifically asking Es how they think this works instead of divulging any information he's heard from the audience that would in fact be beneficial to Es who after being asked immediately shows they don't know a damn thing about it. Staying consistent with what happened in Amane's voice drama prior.)

"Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing." (Recognition of the punishment attached to the guilty verdict working properly for Mikoto and that's adding to his stress. So, yeah he's hearing the voices.)

"You know that because of Milgram! I don't care about the law, I want to know what you think!"

His birthday interaction from last year. (Him asking if there's really another him implies, he has heard the audience bring it up.)

His birthday interaction with Futa after his verdict.

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday) Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday? Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday. Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything. Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

Also, the fact that Mikoto's entire defense for his actions pivoted from I don't remember, and Milgram probably got the wrong guy by mistake to the other one did it. Which not much different from the excuse he gave before but was an excuse widely jumped on and presented by the audience after he was called out for faking for a good period of time and being bad rep. Well, to say the least- It puts a different meaning behind this line,

"“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Since it encapsulates what his first trial was like in a nutshell. Where people either called him out for faking/lying or blamed the alter for all the violent acts making him out to be the scoundrel. People even posited that what we see in MeMe is fake because it's far more graphic than the others and cuts and that this could be due to him having DID and lookie here.

In fact Mikoto's mental footage was so violent... "It's unforgivable." That was my judgment. "That too could be just a fake or attributed to multiple personalities, right?!"

Overall Mikoto, like many of the prisoners, does not state what the audience has told him. However, he heavily implies through his actions he's been told something. What that something is we don't know and given his first verdict percentage he would not be as inclined to tell us as the others would. Hell, even then a lot of others don't tell is. We were never shown what innocent does to a person outside of this from Mu.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday) Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean…Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

But yeah, since you were just asking if he referenced the audience outside of his voice drama and music video there's no need to read the rest here. What comes after this basically goes over how I tend to tell when the prisoners are subtly referring to the audience and other things but it's very long.

Now onto the interesting stuff. Because I wrote this before rereading the question and seeing you were asking about things outside of the voice drama and song. So, I'm leaving it.

Mikoto discusses the audience in the way similar to how Mahiru does. Never referring to the audience or the voices as an individual entity or directly instead either referring to that as Milgram collectively or referring to it as an extension of Es' actions and decisions.

Even in Double and I Love You neither of them refer to a big group of people but go "You".

"What you trampled is my, “This is how to be in love with you”."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

Unlike the rest of the prisoners who refer to multiple parties, Mikoto and Mahiru couldn't give a damn less about who is causing them problems and considers the audience, Es, and Milgram all the same entity. Never really separating the three. Because they don't care to.

Other prisoners that do this are Haruka, Shidou, and Kotoko if I'm remembering correctly.

"I will definitely make you love me again."-"Hug me again as you once did."

"You don’t even know yet, and yet."- "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment... Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless. The vote that negates the option of death, the love that won’t perish."- "No thank you, it’s none of your concern."- "Shall I fulfill your request and elect to live."

"That's why I became your fangs."- "Tell me why you tell me, “Stop'. Don’t you dare stop now."

Kotoko and Shidou do something interesting in their second trial songs having parts where they both directly refer to Es and the audience separately within their songs. Referring to Es at the beginning and then the audience in the second half.

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

Shidou Trial 2 Voice Drama

"But... as long as Milgram continues in this direction. We won't be able to save those who get injured if I'm not forgiven." ...! "Even now, Shiina-kun is in a condition where any digression could be fatal. She can't live without my treatment. If I'm not forgiven she will end up dying."

Just want to highlight how Shidou uses the same tactic as Mu but somehow what he does ends up succeeding and what she did doesn't. A lot of people may think that's because none of them asked to be put in that situation and Kotoko was the one who attacked. Yet, my honest response to that would be what the fuck is actually stopping Shidou from helping if he was guilty?

Like prisoners who were Guilty once can still move around and interact with others and the things around them. Unless one is assuming that the punishment for being guilty trial two is worse than one. Something I don't believe would make sense and would not be fair considering this would just simply for many of the prisoners be their first time being guilty. Although, this is Milgram so maybe who knows.

Even in a situation where the trial two punishment for being guilty is harsher than trial ones; what the fuck is stopping him from teaching or instructing someone else within the prison on how to help if he were restrained? He even said Amane could be assisting him and Yuno has been. He's very replaceable, actually. So, it's wild this worked.

As we will get into it is wild any of them are getting away with what they are.

He also doesn't say this as if it will change later. Instead he literally states that Mahiru now just can't live without his help which given injuries should not be true. Yet considering that she hasn't been getting better over the course of trial two honestly yeah, I guess he's right.

That's... true I suppose. "From now on conflict between the prisoners will probably become more frequent."

Dude why the fuck does he say this??? Like no I'm being serious why does he fucking say this? Especially considering last we heard from Haruka in his second trial voice drama Shidou and Kazui were meant to have been negotiating a ceasefire? This sounds like something an individual about to start a conflict would say. A person about to throw down if you will.

Like what the fuck does he know in regards to this? The most good faith interpretation is the ceasefire negotiations have failed. Yet, it's still a weird thing to just add. Especially since he says conflicts between the prisoners. Implying that people other than Kotoko may end up instigating fights.

Even though most of the other prisoners are simply attempting to mind their business and he's the only one who directly states hostility towards Kotoko in various ways.

Others that state having animosity towards someone are

Yuno,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least? Yuno: I wonder. The ones that are painful just to watch are Haruka and Mu-chan.

Futa,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Mu,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with? Mu: Yuno has been really cold lately so maybe her a bit.

Shidou,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko? Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve thing with violence.

"To extract that fang, now."/“That’s why I became your fangs.”

Oh, and he has some feelings on Mikoto as well.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with? Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

What those feelings are beyond me. However, he speaks of his current disposition as though it's a problem. So, I'm putting it.

Kazui,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Kazui: To be honest, probably also Kashiki-chan. It feels like she sees through all the things I don’t want anyone to notice.

Amane,

Q.06 Are there any prisoners you don’t get along with? Amane: Kirisaki Shidou.

and Mikoto,

Q.12 What do you think about Kotoko? Mikoto: I don't like her.

It makes sense that we the audience would know whom everyone is hostile towards. Especially since we just blatantly asked in some written interrogations. However, it's not as though many of them have been presenting their hostility towards each other openly.

Outside of Amane and Kotoko everyone else attempts to be cordial with each other or just outright avoid people they dislike. So, it's still weird he would know this unless he's really good at reading the mood and paying attention to others.

Something he has not shown himself to be. Though, maybe he really is. Still considering he has two individuals he'd could possibly have an issues with this really sounds like some shit somebody who wants start trouble says.

"If I'm not there... They will be in even more danger!"

Bitch you will be there- Guilty or not. You're not getting out of this panopticon any earlier unless you see yourself out buddy. Where do you think you go if you're guilty? The sunken place? You gonna mentally tap out because of the guilt and constant bombardment of being told you're wrong by the audience?

Other people who have been Guilty before you with no warning of what that mental or evironmentally entailed were still able to help and speak to others while suffering under the affects of said verdict. The child did it grow a backbone man! You're an adult and apparently you hold a lot of stake in the fact that you are... So, at least make it make sense why you do with your actions.

In case Shidou has forgotten we have a third trial. So, he's just being a fucking manchild here. Does he think we're gonna kill him immediately after he's voted guilty in this second trial out of three? Does he think as soon as the guilty verdict hits Kotoko is going to attack him? That's the most reasonable and good faith interpretation of this statement.

Like she did attack guilty people that's a fair concern to have. Yet, he's currenty being guarded. Because now that an attack has happened once the others are more on guard.

As Yuno implied would be the case,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks? Yuno: Is she an idiot? Nothing’s going to change in the world if you just act out violently where everyone can see.

If a person just acts out violently where everyone can see most people will reasonnable recognize that person is apart of the problem too. They won't usually assume they're the solution to anything. Plus again the fact that other people were guilty before him and he knows what that could reasonably entail he should be preparing for that possibility. It's clear that he wants to avoid it by any means and is doing his best to do that.

Which I can't fault the man for that's only natural. But-The fuck is Shidou's second voice drama fearmongering 101?! Why the fuck is he acting like this towards the end?

I bet you're thinking Gunsli is this your first time listening to Shidou's voice drama and honestly yeah it is.

This man is in here like what will they do without me. Despite the fact that a majority of viewers have pretty much agreed the child can take him out/is a serious threat to his safety. At the point the previous statement is widely considered a genuine concern true if anyone wants him dead outside of himself in this facility he is going to die. Because we know that from the beginning Shidou has wanted this all to end and to get the death penalty.

That he's been smoking to be unhealthy,

20/08/04 Mikoto: By the way, why did you two start smoking? For me it was just a means for communication with people at work. Kazui: Hm? I don’t really remember……It’s maybe changed nowadays, but in the past it was just natural for everyone to smoke. What about you, Shidou-kun? Do you remember? Shidou: ……I wonder. I suppose…… I just wanted to do something that was bad for me. Mikoto: Ahh, I kinda get that. It’s like eating instant ramen in the middle of the night.

So, he came into Milgram already trying to get out of life in general. So, he can't threaten himself like Haruka can. He's still gunning for that death sentence even now.

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY”."

The only thing he can do is what he's always done used the lives of those around him to excuse his actions and validate his own existence.

"But it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”. If the voices crying out in pain, can be saved by me- Allow it to be my charge and mission."

Like I don't know why he came in here acting like this verdict gonna make him someone he ain't and never was. Like man you couldn't even take care of your own- You want us to leave you in charge and responsible of even more people. People who have no reason to have to listen to or take him seriously. People who don't even like him.

Meanwhile Shidou's kids in Triage out here looking like they need Yusuke Urameshi not Shidou Kirisaki. What will they do without me? Man I don't know probably have a better grasp of road safety. You know just spitballing some guesses here.

He came in here really pretending to be the guy and for who? Himself because he's fucking weak and emotinally immature. He can't handle the mental stress of a guilty verdict, he couldn't even handle his own social relationships when his wife was alive,

Q.19 What was your partner like? Shidou: A strong person. I tend to be a bit careless in my personal life, so I was always relying on her.

or taking care their kids after she either died or got ill.

Like listening to the end of his second trial interrogation is legit hearing him hype up his own importance. As though he's going to be a meidcal doctor on the frontlines of a war and voting him guilty is equivalent to immediately killing him in front of a bunch of injured civilians. Halting people from getting aid. When that's not what's occuring here at all!

He's still going to be in Milgram and he will still have another trial. Like maybe he thinks that's what's occuring because of Kotoko but that's even weirder. Because there are more people against Kotoko's actions in the prison than for them.

One of which is fucking Kazui who is already guarding him.

Shidou... "I need to be punished... But I also need to stay alive or young lives will be lost."

Oh, Shidou you're such a martyr.... Pushing to the side your selfish desire to die because you're sick of living with yourself, your own failures, and the fact that the things you worked towards weren't the benefit you thought they would be and instead a massive failure-

Q.15 Do you think you’ve made a contribution to society? Shidou: I used to think my work was a contribution to society.

All because you've found something that validates your existence again. Something that,

"Tells me, the reason it’s ok to be here."

Again I need to highlight we're not fucking killing him with this verdict. Telling someone what they did was wrong is nowhere close to comparable to murder. Also, Kotoko can attack prisoners whether they're innocent or not. Jackalope's brought up that the prisoners are allowed to attack each other during the intermission all of them regardless of verdict.

Unless they're physically restrained and thuse made unable to they can still do it. Plus some of them are shown in full restraints within Undercover still ready to attack somebody if needed. It's not like she is completely bound to acting in accordance with Milgram's rules as has been highlighted before.

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday) Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time. Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you. Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets. Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly……

Yet, throughout his second trial voice drama he keeps subtly pushing this idea that not only will Mahiru die if we vote him guilty but he will too. That not even really touching on the fact the one to bring up a death sentence or execution as a result of the trials to begin with was Shidou.

He brought it to this point and is now lamenting about it being there like oh what should I do.

"I... I don't know what to wish for anymore. I'm starting to think that I want to live. That I want to be forgiven... Despite being so riddled with sins...! ..." Shidou... Do you remember what i told you? "..." Back when you were still fine with dying at any moment, I told you to deperately want to live. "Punishments for sins exist in the first place because we have an attachment to life. your existence in itself is a sacriliege to Milgram and myself", I said. "Yes... I remember." And now, finally, you've gotten attached to life and finally become a real prisoners of Milgram. That's what I believe. You wanting to be forgiven and your wish... Those are the steps that now represent you. "...That won't do... I musn't be forgiven. Otherwise... the countless lives I've taken will never be paid back." Heh. If you're really trying to give up your life as compensation for the people you've killed, then there's no reason to stay alive that will hold up anyway. "..." Don't face them with a life that you're so willing to throw away.

Es greatly sums up the main issue with Shidou's logic.

He is ready and willing to die.

Yet, all the people he killed weren't. Usually people seek medical attention for help, because they want to live. Because they're in pain and they don't want it to get worse. Thesse are people who are trying to survive and seeking out what they believe is the most appropriate help for either themselves, a family member, hell even a stranger on the street if someone calls an ambulance.

It's incredibly tragic when help doesn't get there soon enough but it's down right dispicable when the help is there and decides no you'll die today because I feel like it. You understand what it's like to have to take in order to give and I need to take from you to give something to myself. We're all suffering and you know some people like myself deserve to suffer less than others so this is just how it has to be.

Since that's the case-

"You're in my way...hurry up and die."

I see no difference between this and this.

"Please, go ahead and die already."

Excpet one of the people making this sort of statement puts a lot of stock in being a mature adult and never acting childishly. While the other is at least emotionally honest about their mistakes.

Why did I bring all of this up? To highlight a key difference between Shidou's voice drama and his song. Es never rebuts Shidou for saying he's the only one that can help or calls what he's doing a hostage game.

Making it more than likely Shidou is referring to the audience and the voices he heard discussing his case or something from his real life given the quotes around the phrase. This is more than likely something Shidou has said in reality or had said to him. I lean more towards the first interpretation when it comes to viewing these put in quotations lyrics as direct snippets of quotes from statements the prisoners have said but I'm not that committed either way.

The point is it highlights that he's not just referring to Es here,

"I want to be INNOCENT, I want to live. So this is unpleasant, hurling slurs of “hostage game”, you do know that it’s up to me? That’s right, there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable. The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding. So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable."

He's instead speaking past Es and directly pleading to the audience or voters.

Which is the same thing Kotoko does here-

"So, make yourselves my reason. Just choose the only choice, GUILTY. Say that sympathy is useless. Hate evil as the evil that it is. Don’t you dare stop now. I want a reason for judgment execution, I want it. Give me the next target “UNDER”."

Notably not stating that she became our fang before that but leading into that again. These lyrics (along with the prisoner 011 line in Kotoko's case) recontextualizes the entire song as a direct plea to the audience with allusions of concern towards Es. Mostly merging the two and going if you're on good terms with me I'll be on good terms with all you and your proxy if not things could get messy.

This showcases that they all see no difference between the audience, Es, and Milgram like stated before.

The ones who are more direct while referring to the audience are Yuno, Futa, Mu, Kazui, and Amane. Instead referring to multiple parties through their songs or one.

"I’m the one who chose, let you and you and you all in."

Yuno mentions two others before stating she let "you all" referring to the audience in.

"Don’t get cocky, you in that cypher."- "Tolerate, impress those spectators."- "This prison hosts ears and lethal eyes, I’m sick of it. You and you, throwing around rules for fun, hoisting up morality and feeling good. Should I succumb, make your wish come true? Full of yourselves, are you?"

Futa seperates the prison host from the audience the spectators. In a way showing off that he views Es as an entity hosting an event and the ones spectating as the actual entity he needs to impress or sway to his side. He's basically going if the audience likes me I'll be fine.

"So, it’s wrong? Oh shove that! INNOCENT, isn’t that right?"

It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is. "It's personal?" Yeah. That's right. "That's strange. I did think that, despite being neutral as a warden you did have some things you dislike, but..." ... "Isn't it unusual to openly reavel a personal dislike as a personal dislike?" You're splitting hairs. "Seems like you really disliked my crime... I get it! Maybe it's because you're so young... Which is to say... ..." Hah? Stop staring at me so openly. It's disgusting. "..." ... [Es punches him]

Honestly warranted he is making fun of Es for the same reasons Jackalope did in Es' voice drama. Being a bit green behind the ears. Which is never fun. So, of course after that the first thing Es does is do the same thing to Amane in her interrogation after this.

... Now I feel better. "-Ow! What are you doing all of a sudden..?!" It was an instinctive reaction. Don't take it personally. "Would you stop just punching me in the face without any hesitation? ...huh Anyways... That's how it is, huh? That's how it is...?"

Kazui stating "That's how it is..." highlights that he does take note of Es' personal feelings. He not only does that but seems to take a moment to mentally compare them to what he's been hearing from the voices over the course trial one. Really honing in on the fact that Es says them disliking Kazui's crime is a personal thing.

Meaning that Kazui knows full and well that Es' personal opinion does not matter when it comes to the verdict and may have concluded as such. Something made even more clear by his second trial song opening with him telling Es to just go shove it. Fuck off get that nonsense out of here.

Kazui literally forgoes Es' statements on his actions from his second voice drama at the jump of cat like oh well the guard said it was wrong but fuck that- Innocent is the right answer. It's the conclusion you all came to the first time so.

Double down. Hence the-

"Lie, until it gets better, follow the king of the masquerade. Lick that sin and oppose punishment, until you can meet the king of the masquerade."

The only allusion to Es in Cat is,

"So it’s wrong? Oh shove that!"

This is because Es has already said they personally dislike Kazui's crime or people who act based on their sexual desires. Meaning if Kazui's crime is that of a sexual nature trying to sway Es on seeing it any other way is pointless. So, he no longer has an interest in convincing Es his behavior was okay. Plus he's not even really concerned by what the audience themselves have assumed or figured out. Something alluded to through how comfortable he in while singing Cat in comparison to Half.

Amane's is rather straight forward as well. Considering her song starts with direct recognition of the audience/spectators going-

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen! It’s the beginning of a most wonderful day! However, there are blasphemers and silent by-standers, who would have it otherwise. We must not give into them, they are the ones that should be judged." - "I disavow you, eyes corrupted must be crushed."

These are the only references Amane makes to the audience and Milgram. Literally going those who agree with me you know what to do. Those who don't well we can't give into those people now can we!

Then there's Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."- "We are just the same. Don’t you think it’s wonderful to control them with my gentle sting?"

Mu compares how what the audience is doing is no different from what she has done. So of course it only makes sense she'd be Innocent. Then specifically speaks of Es after. The one who is also controlling people with their gentle sting. (This statment does apply to the audience as well. Since we're impacting the prisoners through the press of a button a gentle sting/poke. )

The lines calls attention to the emotional and psychological abuse Kotoko points out as being just as bad as what she's doing in her voice drama. Something Es also brings up as a factor in Mu's case during you guessed it her second voice drama.

When Mu says she never really hit anyone herself and Es goes yeah you just had other people do it for you.

"I haven't bullied anyone! I'd never do such a mean thing!" ... "I've never once hit anyone or poured water over anyone's head. I wouldn't do something like that!" ... "I'm not lying. I'm not being dishonest! I really haven't done anything!" I see. I'll take note of that.

Just like Kotoko did with Es. Saying just because you never hit anyone doesn't mean you haven't caused harm or incited it to occur. As Es attempts to highlight they never really used excessive physical violence/took it as far as Kotoko did with the prisoners. Despite the fact that they have hit them and impacted some of them just as negatively as Kotoko has.

Even more so from the admission of Mahiru in her second voice drama.

"I mean it. It doesn't hurt. Compared to the way I felt when you chose not to forgive me... Not at all." ...! "Not at all... Nothing. None of it hurts. It's not...as big of a deal. Ever since, I've constantly been hearing...voices saying I couldn't be forgiven. Yours? Whose? I don't know... I don't know, but... I've heard them this whole time." Mahiru, calm down... "Was what I did such a bad thing? I just... had a normal relationship like everyone else...! That's all I did! Why can that not be forgiven? Hey, why? Why? Why?"

Kotoko's second trial voice drama does well to follow up on those similarities It's Not My Fault, Bring It On, and Backdraft highlighted between the prisoners and those who watch Milgram. The same mentality to jump into something that is quite frankly no one other than the parties involved business just to turn around and blame others when things get bad.

Later

"Ah- But if you don't forgive me, then Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that." ...! So, you've heard about that nonsense, too? "Mhm! Haruka-kun told me. So, I could rest easy according to him. That made me happy... It made me really feel our friendship!" You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is? "Why would I? Haruka-kun says that's what he wants. So, there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend? "Isn't it exactly because he's, my friend? Isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?" ... "Are you planning to tell me, "That's not what friendship is."? Then, what is it? It's about sticking together because it's beneficial for everyone involved, isn't it?" I don't think Haruka is benefitting from that at all. "No way... It's not like you'd know what's good for him." ... You sure are tough to beat. "I really don't get what it is you're trying to say, Warden-san. Haruka-kun is free to decide what he wants, and I'm not doing anything wrong. It's not like I asked him to do that!" I see. So, that's how it is, huh. You don't say anything; just because you're present, the wishes of those around you evolve to benefit you- Oh, so that's it. Like, a born queen. No, it's as if you're influencing your surroundings not with words but with pheromones... Just like a queen bee. "Pheromones...? I'm not sure what you're going on about but I'm not a fan of that lewd-sounding stuff." That's not the nuance i was talking about. "Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of not being forgiven than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good, for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?" ...You're making my blood boil. "Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe, too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff." ...That is...a very enticing proposal. "Right? Hah, hehehe." Abandoning all thinking... How nice it would be if I could just do that. "...If you ask me, I don't really get why you don't do it..." Because this is the role I'm playing! "But this role was giving to you, wasn't it?" ...! "You didn't end up doing this because you wanted to, right? It's not a dream you've had for a long time or anything, Warden-san? So, there's no need to let it tie you down. Couldn't you just quit?" What are you... "Warden-san- We call you warden, because that's what you are, right? And I wa sassigned the role of prisoner, but that doesn't mean I'm now nothing but a prisoner at heart, too. After all, I'm still me." ...! "Are you okay warden? Are you feelings sick again?" Haah...haeuahh... "That's because you keep thinking too much about difficult things." ...Gyh!... Haah... "Just stop. Being the warden, that is."

Es brings up that Mu is emotionally manipulative. That she hones onto any weakness to exploit in those she dislikes and makes herself look small so those around will feel more inclined to help her. Through her voice drama, like many of the other prisoners, Mu uses the same tactics that got her into Milgram to begin with.

From her first voice drama Mu is well aware that Es has issues when it comes to thinking about themselves outside of their job as prison guard. She recognizes it as a trigger which she willfully exploits in an attempt to get her point across better.

Then despite saying what Kotoko did is no concern of hers and since it was approved by the warder it'd be wrong of her to disagree with it earlier in the same voice drama her tone changes a lot near the end.

"Huh? But that has nothing to do with me." What? "The ones who are suffering are the ones who have done bad things right? You know, like, what goes around comes around?" ... "Besides Kotoko-san hurt and was mean to the people who you chose not to forgive, right?" ...Yeah. "Wouldn't it be weird for me to have any thoughts on that, then? After all, I didn't do anything wrong. You forgave me!"

Yet, suddenly when the idea that she might be viewed as in the wrong later comes up Kotoko is running amok and is a prisoner more deserving of not being forgiven than her. Because Mu as she has always done puts targets on other people to avoid being singled out herself. Then to add insult to injury she directly contradicts what she says about friendship and it being letting the people around you do what they want.

By continuing to badger Es into quiting being a guard and stop taking the role so seriously. Because Es taking their job seriously does not benefit Mu. It puts her at risk of being singled out and votes guilty later down the line. So, it's better if they just drop it.

If they don't/can't she has no issues, or qualms making the situation more difficult for them by poking at weak spots until Es-

If you want to betray from jealousy I’ve told you what’s gonna happen.

What's the point of highlighting all of this? Why include all the others when this is just meant to be about if Mikoto references the audience over the course of trial two.

Well, to be completely honest this isn't about them.

Even though at times this seems to be about the others. They're only being used as examples of how I analyzed the information provided and discerned through my own perspective when the audience was being referred to, how it was being referred to and why.

It is just easiest to explain that method over the course of all the prisoners and build up to Mikoto.

It just so happens that this may stand out more overtly with Mu than any of the other prisoners. Because of how consistent a character she is. Like she states in her voice drama no matter what labels external forces put on her, inside, in her heart she will always be Mu. She, like all the other prisoners, isn't changing and has no desire to change.

Their only desire is to escape punishment and gain social power and influence by any means necessary at times.

This is important with how they refer to the audience and the entities they choose to suck up to. Many of the prisoners have recognized being nice to Es just does not matter long term because they are just a proxy. They don't have much power or influence over how the prisoners are viewed.

Sure, it's good to get along with them for images sake during the interrogation but ultimately how well off they are with the guard doesn't heavily impact their verdict.

Yet, as long as they aren't outwardly and overtly malicious, they can get away with harassing Es if they want to. Mu's whole thing is making it appear as though she had no malicious intent or at least if she did it was a warranted response to the circumstances. She's just a victim, an underdog biting back. It's not her fault people were mean to her, but she doesn't just have to take it on the chin and wear it.

She has a right to protect herself after all she was-

"Having such a hard time." and "Trying so hard."

She was at a point where she couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was all dried up and her sorry spells weren't working.

Mikoto is the same way throughout his voice drama.

A mix of Mu and Mahiru's behavior. Basically, they're all passive aggressive about it. Dancing around the point instead of tackling it head on.

Not really elaborating on what they've heard but more so implying it through their emotional states and responses.

"If you just laugh and pretend, usually things will work out in the end right?"

X

"I'm pretty good at that! Making things work out to the best of my abilities." Is that so... "Eheheh... But...it's not coming to an end. All of this. With things I've never even heard before, the whole ti- The whole time... Haah... I have to see through all of these irritating experiences...!" You emerged, huh. "Hey. Looks like you haven't received a beating yet, Warden brat." ...! ... "Hah? What, are you scared?" Like you didn't get beaten by Kotoko...! "Heheh... That was just because she caught me off guard. We went at it again while you were asleep and it's not like i lost there."

Mikoto in his second voice drama similarly to Mahiru and Kazui does not willfully give Es or the audience information. Instead questioning Es on what they believe and what they saw.

"As for alters... Why do you think they're born?" In precise terms it's called, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Generally speaking it refers to when a person experiences severe pain or stress, and a new personality is created in order to isolate the original personality from the resulting trauma. "Yeah. I... probably come out to ease the stress I experience."

It's important to note that Mikoto (John) is not speaking in past tense here but present tense. So, he's not stating I emerged in the past in response to the stress Mikoto was experiencing. He's literally saying I'm coming out now to ease the stress he's currently experiencing.

Subtly calling to attention that Milgram, the verdict and the audience voices are causing Mikoto stress and he was brought out to handle and relieve Mikoto from that.

Even elaborating after that-

"The fact that I come out for longer just means that I'm constantly under extreme stress."

Again highlighting the negative impact Milgram has had on Mikoto's mental health and wellbeing. Yet also calling to attention that Mikoto (John) doesn't have a clue about what the source of the stress is. Just that Mikoto must be stressed for him to be here. Saying that just means and going off the fact that he's here at all to discern that.

Them asking this at least confirms again that they both recognize the audience as well as Es at least know Mikoto has Dissociative Identity Disorder. Something Mikoto states he's heard from the voices on his birthday as well.

The fact that he's questioning if there's really another "me" on his birthday means he more than likely heard that from the audience. He doesn't really get the chance to broach it in his voice drama or doesn't broach the topic.

Yet it is made abundantly clear before that occurs that Mikoto is aware due to the voices he's heard from the audience. So there's that as well.

All this makes the moment after this particularly interesting.

Stress... Namely, the environment of Milgram, right? "Right. You're decision to not forgive me is especially stress inducing. That's why I'm entrusting me with my heart." I see. "Not like I can blame myself. From my point of view, I'm being blamed for a crime I can't even remember." If that's the truth, then... You're the one who committed the murder? "Yeah, it was me. I killed them off." ... "So, I, Mikoto really didn't do it." Can i ask... Why you killed them? "They annoyed me." Who did you kill? "Just whoever was walking around nearby." ... How many did you kill? "Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

Just whoever was walking around-

In this empty ass back alley looking underpass in the dead of fucking night. Okay, Lil' Slugger. I believe you.

I too walk around in the dark of night to secluded spaces with no public foot traffic and a loud passing train that would mask not only my screams but those of anyone else around this is true and reasonable. It's something we all have to do we can't control where our homes are located or find other safer alternative night routes at times. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and people like Mikoto are there.

Sometimes you have to walk up to or past a suspicious ominously posted up stranger that definitely doesn't look in any way to be waiting to initiate a hit. That's not something any person would want to avoid in the middle of the night on their walk by all means. I would have seen you like this and went whelp fuck my house is that way... Aw, damn he's either gonna kill me or I'm gonna get home but I gotta walk that way. Better start praying and speed walking.

I ain't even a religious person but I need something to have me right now.

We already made eye contact. I saw him see me. That was my first mistake. Can't get out of it now. Whelp, I have the perfect song for this. I'm such a fucking disappointment. Oh, this route will be shorter there's not many people on it! We'll get home faster. Now I'm about to die.

I would be so pissed to die because this guy was just what fucking waiting to hurt somebody. What the fuck man pick up a contact sport and put the bat down!

Think I was fucking around when I said okay I belive you well ha ha; no. I wasn't. I don't believe this is the truth in this instance. However, I one hundred percent believe this is some city shit. The fucked up thing is what he just said isn't unreasonable like that shit happens there's senseless violence all the time. That doesn't make it better he really went on the mic and said,

"I killed someone because it really was just one of those days, I'm quirky like that. I didn't even know them. Didn't even know their name. They were just annoying had those hit me with a bat vibes you know."

Like dude fuck you that's not better. That's substantially worse actually. I'm sorry this has nothing to do with the question. It's just... Rewatching Mikoto's second voice drama is a trip. One second it's like if you did do that for the reason you stated then you're kind of just objectively the worst person here and continuing to vote you guilty would be better.

He just admitted he just does this shit to relieve his own stress and it doesn't matter who he hits. It's not personal in any way. Does having a hard time and demanding job excuse that? I don't think it does. These were all people to his own quick and flimsy admission had no connection to him. Never wronged him, hell they're strangers whose only crime was walking near him.

Yet the child who killed their abuser is barely treading water while he's here coasting-

That's fucked up! The fanbase did Amane Momose dirty and it really just seems like it's because she's a child. Because these fucking adults be acting hell of childish and they are not getting as much heat as this twelve year old has. Be better. The fuck type of defense is this. He really came in here and said,

"I felt like it so I did. What's the problem?"

Then a majority of people went alright go off he's such a victim- Of what nepotism, marginally good looking priviliege?! Being shippable and okay to sexualize leading to people liking and projecting on him more than a twelve-year-old?! Because all of those things are actually helping him a lot if you take a step back to think about. Like if you take in the image in full he's doing quite well now in comparison to the shit start he had.

He literally said I killed just because they annoyed me. I didn't even know them and people went I do not dee the problem with that. Go off king people do be annoying. If you don't want to die don't be annoying in public. Being annoying death penalty actively abusining your child for years and killing a cat come on Amane jumping to murder due to that was a bit of leap wasn't it. Like even if your religion said so sweety killing is bad.

Because the truth is if he was Amane's age and gave the excuse that was given here it wouldn't be working. It would be giving repeat offender energy he would need to learn a lesson. He would be hiding behind his disorder.

Even though Mikoto (John) may only be admiting to committing the murders to cover for Mikoto which I'll go into again later... I'm mostly highlighting this to go this should not have made him be more favorably viewed. Like people really just ignored he said that shit.

Yet, then other times in the voice drama it really sounds like listening to your friend lie about the disorder they have blatantly and without restraint to get out of something they simply did not want to do to begin with. To an individual that is woefully underinformed about how the disorder works. Which is me saying it's fucking hilarious. It is absolutely amazing. He should keep doing that actually.

It's not Mikoto or Mikoto (John's) fault that people are ignorant when it comes to dissociative identity disorder and stereotype people that have it. He should take advantage of what aids him. If that's the ignorance of others in this age it takes ten seconds to start researching. No one has to teach anybody in the real wold except teachers and they ain't paid well for it.

We gotta figure it out on our own. He is in jail he doesn't owe society or anyone in that jail shit especially the truth and he isn't giving it.

Mikoto (John) goes me fronting longer has allowed me to stabilize which probably isn't good and means Mikoto the prisoner is disappearing. That is not typically not how Dissociative Identity Disorder works. I don't know why anyone would want to present it as though it does work the way Mikoto (John) is purporting. He's basically saying that alters are born at random and are immediately violent.

This is a a very weird and stereotypical way of discussing and presenting people with DID. That has led to the demonization and stigmatizing of the disorder. It's not like it can't happen people can have violent alters but usually they're responding to a trigger not just being violent towards uninvolved parties or just lashing out at anyone while outside of stressful situations.

Plus, alters can go dormant but that doesn't just happen due to someone else fronting. They can also be integrated. Everyone is different though. So, maybe that's just how this works for Mikoto. Though, alters do disappear for a bit that happens as well. So, why is Mikoto (John) acting like Mikoto's gonna die?

It's difficult for me not to question how this was phrased, especially given what others have pulled over the course of trial two. A good deal of trial two has been prisoners going well if you vote me Guilty someone else will disappear/die- So, you should just like find me innocent. It's that easy find me innocent and everything will be fine.

Like these assholes have genuinely forgotten they are in here because someone has already died. They really be out here like I will certainly take a life but it won't be mine. Do as I say not as I do. Violence is bad and we wouldn't want to hurt anyone let's all just get along.

Where was this Barney ass logic when you were giving people head-on collisions with bats, knives to people's chest, committing malpractice. Like none of these people have said there's no reason to take a life because they've all fucking done it. Just that there's no reason to take away their lives. At least with the people who have brought that sort of thing up.

Isn't that sort of fucked up? That all of trial two a good deal of prisoners threatened the audience with the idea of someone dying as a result of the audiences' actions. Completely ignoring, downplaying, or evading the fact that someone has already died because of their actions.

Instead, it's about reducing harm in the present suddenly. Yet they weren't thinking about reducing harm when they did what they did. Maybe reducing harm to themselves. Then when their victims come up they get real quiet suddenly. Unless it's Shidou or Mahiru who immediately turn it around and make it about how the victims deaths are impacting them.

How it's making them feel bad.

Even ignoring all of the emotionally questionable things presented here and over the course of trial two. Pushing that to the side and just taking the voice drama by itself.

It's riddled with contradictions. For example, this statement

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?"

Let's again ignore the fact that you were working and taking the fucking train before Milgram. Something that is not only expressly shown in your music video but corroborated by Mikoto's own testimony that directly conflicts with seeing you on a fucking train,

Q.12 How do you travel to work? Mikoto: Road cycling. It’s one of my hobbies, and it’s good exercise too. The fact I don’t have to worry about making the last train can be both a blessing and a curse.

Meanwhile in clown town where the alibis are shit and keeping a story straight is dead.

Q.17 Do you smoke? Mikoto: Only electric. I used to smoke real cigarettes in the past, but since I started my job I’ve stopped.

Like they even change the tote bags they carry so one has the color we fucking have had associated with Mikoto (John) and the other doesn't so the person taking the fucking train is more than like Mikoto (John).

Not even adding to the fact Mikoto confirms that he's the one who works at night in his fucking first written interrogation through this answer-

Q.06 What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

All things that appear or are alluded to in MeMe. Either from the tarot cards or expressly shown like with the images of him returning home.

Ah, man it'd be a fucking shame if on top of all that there was canonical merch that showed Mikoto vaping after the murder or holding an e-cigarette.

Certainly no one has that and the staff wouldn't provide us with something so damning because they like to keep things up to interpretation and it's not meant to be solvable. It's about how we all view it, view it in our hearts through our feelings.

Meanwhile the third anniversary art coming in with a steel chair.

(Something I brought up way before, along with the idea that the art from the third anniversary is in fact the prisoners after their crimes. Even getting this merch to check more closely. )

Oh, Holmes I'm absolutely stumped at what this could mean. Surely this is still just Mikoto (John) too. It could be no one else. Mikoto is an honest innocent man who couldn't hurt a fly.

All he did was dream. Except when that witty bastard plum forgot he still smoked cigarettes occasionally just a few times. Quitting is difficult, yes, even when moving over to the same thing in a different form. It doesn't mean he's a liar.

For another example, here

This is not Mikoto (John) in MeMe smoking in the tub but still Mikoto. He's an honest but confused man. Who wouldn't know or rightfully remember no longer smoking cigarettes.

Okay time to stop joking around-

It is more reasonable to recognize that they both appear throughout MeMe and Double and this is subtly displayed through their stated habits, clothing, and facial expressions. Then just ignoring the pile of evidence that shows Mikoto (John) clearly had a life outside of here too.

Along with that again to Mikoto's own admission trial one he was the one more active at night until recently. Stating with extraordinarily little prompting-

Q.20 Are you more of a morning person or a night person? Mikoto: I used to be basically nocturnal. Recently though I’ve been falling asleep pretty early.

Ignoring all of that again he's still just fucking lying.

Just because alters don't front doesn't mean they don't have a stable internal existence. What the fuck are you on about right now? Like at most I can generously say he meant it was becoming easier for him to front but this was bullshit.

This was not a good way of phrasing that. Again alters that don't front have personalities and could even have rich lives internally. So, Mikoto (John) is on some nonsense. Like he's just testing what he can fucking get away with because he knows Es is stupid and ill informed.

Every day I question how he is getting away with it when the honest answer is,

People frankly don't care to see it and that's fine.

There's even the fucking fact that Mikoto (John) directly fucking contradicts himself right after stating this.

"Evidently, the time I've been fronting has been getting longer. So, this "me" has been able to stabilize. Isn't that the reason we can talk properly?" ... "If I had stayed a monster maybe that would've been better. ...What?" You've turned out to be much more rational than I expected... I'm surprised. "I'm a university graduate after all."

Alright, Mikoto (John) which the fuck is it?

Have you only recently been fronting enough to stabilize leading to you being able to communicate properly or did you front for all of fucking college?

You were at least aware enough of it to consider yourself a college graduate. So, what's the truth? Huh which fucking is it?

"Can't remember I was just born back then, you know. It's kind of fuzzy."

I am once again asking how you fucking remember college Mikoto (John)?! Yet, were just born back then?

Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room-

The threekoto or trikoto theory.

Because some people may want to say if you take into consideration the existence of a third unknown alter than all these inconsistencies can be explained, Gunsli. This is what all those inconsistencies are hinting towards, it's the perfect explanation you're just choosing not to see it.

Yes, I am choosing not to see it that way.

Yet that's not only because it doesn't bring me any narrative joy and subtracts from it. It's also because I view that concept as a cheap fix-it solution where a new factor has been shoved into the narrative in order to account for things within it that could be logistically explained by other means. There's also no actual evidence to this being the case.

One could rightfully say what about the inconsistencies you just pointed out though.

Those could simply be explained by a fact that Milgram has brought up since the beginning of the series-

The prisoners can lie.

If the prisoners who are under more restrictions than Mikoto (John) still have the freedom to lie why are people assuming Mikoto (John) isn't lying as well? Especially when being faced with an unknown, dangerous situation, in which he's been threatened with the death sentence? Like wouldn't the reasonable response to such an odd situation be to keep your information yours alone. Not willfully give it to an entity exerting power over you?

So, the inconsistencies found here very well could be there to hint at what exactly happened once all the information is examined together.

Though, let's be serious for a bit.

Let me walk down that bridge with anyone who wants to go there? What's the actual probability that all the information that they gave us-

Including naming the songs,

MeMe and Double.

Along with willfully adding this fucking very overt line,

"Doesn’t matter if you didn’t wish for it, can’t get rid of me now. Just the two of us, relieved, aren’t you? I’ll protect you (us)."

Are all actually statements meant to mislead the audience and both Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are being honest about not remembering the murder and this third more recently born alter is the actual murderer. Because given that statement on the crimes and Mikoto (John)'s admission that yes, he is a college graduate, the lyrics in Double pointing out we made him out to be a scoundrel-

In my opinion that would be the most reasonable conclusion to draw if I were to believe this is true with the information we've been given so far.

Even if that were the case and all of these other things were red herrings.

These would all be objectively the worst red herrings in existence. Because that isn't a red herring it's a fucking school of them. Grab a fishing rod and get to it. This is past the point of being considered a red herring and instead would be more aptly described as a series of overt lies.

You know a good red herring is when people can actually figure out it is that and there's evidence in canon alluding to that being the case and what is commonly accepted as truth being disingenuous. I'm not the biggest Steven Universe fan nor do I hate it passionately. I'm more neutral to it.

So, let's use it as an example.

-Spoilers for Steven Universe-

In Steven Universe it turns out Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz are the same fucking person. There is art that alludes to this before this reveal. There were speculations and theories of this being the case. What Steven Universe did not do repeatedly at any point was go she's not a diamond we swear this is a normal Rose Quartz.

They didn't draw attention to the elephant in the room over and over. Most of the characters in the series believed fully that she was a quartz and had been lied to for years. It's never called attention to because it is a wildly accepted truth. So, nobody questioned it.

Yet, there were still hints this was the case enough for people to speculate such far before it was revealed to be the case. My point is red herrings are seen not heard, not repeated over and over. A red herring by definition is one misleading clue or accepted truth meant to trick the viewer into believing something that is untrue or move them away from the truth.

It's not a consistent pattern.

-End Spoilers for Steven Universe-

Then to add more insult to fucking injury why the fuck would Deco*27 say this-

This isn't a red herring this isn't even within the canon.

This is a statement he made independent of the canon. Outside of that he didn't even have to give a specific number but did anyway. He could have just said what will happen to the Mikoto's now. If they wanted this shit to remain ambiguous. Yet, he still used two unless this translation from the Milgram app is simply wrong and it added that.

It'd be weird but machine translations have been weirder.

Yet, considering everything I've seen it truly makes more sense for me to believe Mikoto and Mikoto (John) are both being dishonest for self-preservation reasons than to believe that the entire series has been lying from jump.

I just find it more likely that these two who found themselves in such a strange situation, who are vehemently trying to convince the audience and the other prisoners around them that they are honest trustworthy men are just fucking lying about a lot of provably false shit. Then as it tends to happen when someone is telling lies off the seat of their fucking pants there are many easily spotted contradictions and direct confirmation of actual truths.

Because the truth tends to be consistent lies aren't unless a person is very skilled at it. (Glances at Kazui.) Throwing all that to the side.

If the idea of there being three alters brings someone joy, then that's all well and good. I'm not trying to stomp that out or rain on anyways parade. I just don't personally want the information I discuss to be associated with that or have any interest in discussing that interpretation.

There are a lot of people who'd have a great time doing that. I am not one of them.

Because I feel using that idea to excuse the fact that the alibi, excuses, other statements Mikoto has given, and the reality of the situation through the songs extracted directly contradict each other in a way that highlights he may not be being honest is not only incredibly convenient for him but somewhat disingenuous.

This includes his voice dramas and the birthday interaction before Double premiered. Unsurprisingly.

I'm not looking for an easy fix for those inconsistencies that keep Mikoto looking infallible and like he couldn't hurt a fly. I'm not looking for something that frames Mikoto as being in the right, a good person, and a victim of circumstance while highlighting an alter as being completely bad and in the wrong always. Because that sort of story is lacking in nuances in my opinion and wouldn't be fun to me.

If that were the case it would make it feel as though the story itself was highlighting Mikoto's character having dissociative identity disorder as the reason for him being a murderer or the only thing that led to these issues occurring. Something that just doesn't feel right to me personally.

It's never like what has Mikoto done/chosen to do or how could he have responded differently or managed stress better. Nope it's always an alters fault, it's always the disorders' fault. There's no respect for Mikoto's own agency because he's a guy with a disorder, he didn't mean it, he couldn't help it, that's just how it is.

The impressive thing is how often Milgram as a series pushes back against this interpretation and simplification of dissociative disorders in general.

Then the fandom pretty much plays into this trying to tell others there's a definitive way to know if someone has it, how many alters they have, and at what time an alter is out just by vibes and speaking patterns alone.

As if dissociative identity disorder doesn't involve a shit ton of masking and trying to appear fine to avoid being singled out by others.

Milgram highlights this issue with the perception of dissociative disorder through Amane's voice drama.

Where Es literally implies that since Amane's case doesn't present the same exact way as Mikoto's and she cannot do the same things as him that solidifies to them that Amane herself cannot have a dissociative disorder. So, in Es' eyes what Amane is doing is just playing pretend by referring to herself as we and god. So, really all she is or appears to be to Es at the end of the day is a kid throwing a tanturm and playing make believe.

Well... It's in vain. So, you might as well listen to me while we're here. "I won't forgive you. I won't forgive you." Prisoners can't attack the warden. This is one of Milgram's core rules, although a certain guy with multiple personalities managed to slip past it. "I won't forgive you... I won't forgive you..." Which means Milgram doesn't dictate who the prisoners are by their body but by their mind. If the mind isn't accounted for then the rule doesn't apply. It bothers me that there's a loophole, but... "I'll kill you...! I'll kill you!" Thanks to this defective rule we can confirm this; The 'you' holding the scissors right now isn't a god or a concept. It's Amane Momose herself. "...I'll..." So, what you're doing right now really is just a game of pretending. This is stupid.

Then Amane later in her voice drama calls out Es for referring to themselves as we. Saying that Es must just be playing pretend to avoid taking accountability for their actions as well.

Es makes the very severe and common mistake of assuming all dissociative disorders present the same way and immediately has their own logic used again them. Leading them to have another crisis of identity. They're shown to have a serious lack of understanding of themselves and their opinion.

Something that from the beginning of Milgram has been shown to cause them discomfort in multiple voice dramas. Mu's first and second one, Kotoko's first and second one, and Amane's second one. This same logic could very well lead to the audience making a lot of the same mistakes as Es is presented making.

Well, that was longer than I anticipated. But, there's a lot of things about Mikoto that imply he not only heard the audience voices but took the reaction he received into account when deciding on how he proceeded.

Other than that, I've got a birthday to have. Sorry for the long answer and going much more in depth than I needed to. I also hope none of this was rude.

Though i can't really control how I'm interpreted.

[taffitoast]

Aaaaaaahh, I'm getting so much stuff about KCS and I literally am in love with all of it.

Ima share some of this stuff people have done as jokes and just random art. Even some of my own doodles. [Of course not EVERY doodle but most]

Let's start with stuff from Artfight!!!

I do have another one from my friend Berry, but the image is hard to post here lol.

These are two I've gotten for KCS! The first one is by @melodyartiez . We are chaining and they did my lovely boy! The next one is by Remus Weemus. [Linking their Artfight down below!]

Next we have some things from @tacxx :000, she draws awesome pictures that I get to post >:]. Now these are BOTH From Tacxx and they have great art, you guys should definitely go follow them >:]

Now we have some Doodles IVE DONE eheheh (minus a few for reasons to not mess with tacxx eheheh)

The first two are WhiteBoard Doodles of the guy. With the last one being from a Gartic Phone Game. I only drew the head lol. The body and legs were drawn by 2 other people.

AND FINALLY. But hopefully never last. A member on Discord redrew one of my previously drawn pictures. [This is the same member that edited the BALD KCS drawing.]

I am including their redraw and my orginal art which can be seen in a previous post here on my account.

Thank you if you looked through all this awesome art! Go check out the people who contributed in this.

Here is the Artfight Link for Remus Weemus

Update on the A03

Chapter 2 is almost done, sorry it's taking me so long! I will be getting it done asap.

[tealenko]

The Three Letters (Chapter 11)

Chapter 11: The Price in our Scars

Soooo here we are. I'm getting better, only a few months between chapters looool To be fair... This is my peak of angst (it's really not that angsty, but my heart is as soft as it gets). If this was fluff I would've posted it a week after ch.10. But hey, I got there in the end.

Btw, I keep finding mistakes in this one, idk why, but I don't have the heart to keep editing and there's no beta... So we die like Jacob didn't ehehehe Anyways, hope you like it!

As always: inner thoughts are in italic.

Summary: Lara finally tells Jacob what happened to her in the years they were apart. What she did. And, summoning her worst fears, her words manage to wound Jacob to an unseen level of torment, the kind that only she is able to dispel.

Words: 6380 Rating: Teens and Up Warnings: discussion about being a willing volunteer to a human sacrifice

All Chapters -> [link] Read in AO3 -> [link]

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"A human sacrifice?" Rage and pain fused into a stream of words, spilling uncontrollably from his mouth with the roaring waterfall as its background. "You offered yourself as a HUMAN SACRIFICE!?"

~ 5 minutes earlier ~

Sofia chokes a melodic hum as she returns from finishing her morning tasks, happiness on the brink of overtaking her body, before she tames it, as she walks back to the western village.

The place is deserted when she arrives, with most of the people focused on restoring the castle ruins in the southern settlement, where Levi is now headed, and where Sofia should be going too, but she decided to stop here first in order to see how her father was doing.

After an overall scan of the empty town, she assumes his task is now over and has probably moved on to the next duty on his to-do list. Nevertheless, upon further inspection of the place she left him behind, she realizes the repairs aren’t finished yet.

To say she is surprised is an understatement. 

Her father has never left something in the middle of it, has never disregarded his duties, except for once. A mistake of which she is a direct consequence. But she knows that, for something like this to happen, there has to be something really wrong with him.

Under any other circumstance she will panic. Sofia’s mind would surely think the worst of the situation, imagining something terrible must have happened to her father to cause him to abandon a task still unfinished.

It would have to be the end of his world for him to neglect his duties, afterall.

And she isn’t wrong.

Nevertheless, she doesn���t have the time to think about all this.

With a loud bang, coming from the farthest cabin in the village, Sofia’s attention is instantly captured, and any preoccupation about to be formed is instantly dispelled. The sound of the door slamming against the wood beams resounds with might throughout the empty town, its intensity amplified by the calm that had reigned before.

Her eyes have no problem recognizing the distant figure storming out of said cabin.

Jacob doesn’t even spare a moment to look back, too absorbed in his own thoughts to acknowledge her presence, striding with decision in the opposite direction from where his daughter stands. Neither does Lara, with the same focus as he, who exits with the same urgency after a few seconds, too preoccupied to follow Jacob to let her gaze stray from his path.

Just like that, Sofia is left behind in the village, completely alone. Yet, instead of the panic she would normally feel, her emotions are now a confusing amalgam of shock, worry and bewilderment, way too tangled to unravel. But, more than willing to try, she sighs, picks up the forgotten tool, and starts replaying the bizarre scene in her mind as she resumes the 

task she had started earlier that morning, trusting Lara to handle whatever is already unfolding.

She’ll know what to do.

~

Jacob’s steps are larger, faster than hers, and so, she loses sight of him soon after he leaves the village. Luckily for her, she doesn’t actually need to see where he’s going to know where he’s headed.

She gets to the path to the observatory and, as she suspects, neither of them follow it all the way up there, taking instead the side route that leads to his favorite hideout at the top of the waterfall.

Despite her intuition, there’s a part of Lara that fears he won’t be there when she gets to the hidden cliff. Perhaps she is right, but too late, and Jacob has already left the place by the time she manages to reach it.

She’s thankful, for a moment, when reality overrides her fears, finding him standing next to the wild current of water, completely focused on the way it flows and falls with strength toward the abyss, crashing against the distant ground so many feet below where they are.

For a moment, she is so glad she’s found him, that she forgets the reason he stormed away from her.

She forgets, just for an insignificant moment, what her heart knows is true.

For a moment.

And then, the moment is over.

Lara only needs to take a step closer to see his face. 

It’s more than over.

He had been so supportive of her, so open and accepting, so patient. When she started talking about the worst parts of her journey, how she took the dagger despite all the warnings, how she endangered Jonah yet again. The deaths, the loss, the pain. He did not make a single comment, listening in silence without casting any judgment.

She couldn’t even look at him, eyes fixed on the ground while her trembling voice narrated the last year of her life, and he just let her, waiting patiently until her story had an ending. 

Lara knows she couldn't have gone through it otherwise, mustering only the courage to look at him once her tale was over.

Then, and only then, is when she realized her words had completely obliterated him.

She’s seen Jacob angry before, but never like this. Their little argument four years ago, when she disobeyed his wishes and went looking for the Atlas, was merely a taste of what his rage could really be.

Without warning he turned around and ran away from her. And now that the fleeting happiness of having reached him is leaving her body, she’s starting to realize this may well be the very last moment they spend together.

Jacob is an empty shell of himself, looking at the thundering water in complete silence, expressionless.

Right… A tear flows through her face as she closes her eyes, Lara’s mind coming to terms with the reality of her situation, and the consequence of her actions. It was too good to be true, after all.

With any other person in front of her, that would be it. She would flee from him and would never look back, as she’s done with everyone she’s ever disappointed, being all too used to running away from anyone who manages to see what she’s truly made of.

But Jacob isn’t any other person and, before she has the time to panic, operating now on basic instincts, as she did when she followed him here, Lara starts walking in his direction.

Too good to be true.

Half of her body screams at her to run, to hide, to protect her feelings. To survive.

But the other half has more gravitas, its influence now deeply rooted in the control of her body, rising with more strength than her many preservation instincts for the first time ever, pulling her in the opposite direction instead.

Towards him.

He’s too good to be true.

Lara’s mind replays the torment she found on his expression before he fled away from her, twisting it like a dagger into her heart.

And I… Am not.

She’ll never feel deserving. She’ll never feel enough. And that, no matter the circumstance, is always present in every single one of her thoughts, of her choices, including the catalyst that has led them to this moment.

Lara felt both relieved and anguished after sharing her adventures, her decisions. Her mistakes. She needed him to know, to see her. The real her. Let him see the truth and decide, with no further distance or embellishment, if he is really in love with her and not just an illusion. A mirage. An idealized version of a hero that never existed.

And now, she has her answer.

He’s not.

Another tear falls when she stops walking.

How could he?

Even her thoughts tremble as her mind speaks the excruciating truth.

How could anyone?

Lara is now close enough to reach for him, but the moment her hand starts to rise she stops it, too afraid to face what she knows is going to happen next.

Anger, disbelief… Disappointment.  

And she doesn’t know which one will be the winner of the battle Jacob is now fighting, but for some strange reason, she fears the latter to an unexpected degree, making her want to run away even more, and leave all this pain behind.

Survive. 

Nevertheless, she stays.

She must stay. 

Despite always wanting to help, to do what’s right, in her quest to stop Trinity Lara made more than a few excruciating mistakes, too many choices linked to terrible and haunting consequences to be able to count them, and now, she must finally face some of them. 

She must pay the price.

So she stays, in complete silence. Standing there with patience, just as he did for her, on the edge of the abyss. Embracing the reality forming right in front of her eyes, letting her tears fall as the reason she’s done all those terrible things vanishes into nothing, getting ready to witness him break the illusion that’s kept her heart running for years now.

How could he not?

After what seems an endless wait, he finally turns. 

There’s no disbelief nor disappointment in him.

There’s anger, indeed, but, despite simmering with unseen strength, is not nearly enough to be close to what she had predicted. Inconsequential, as well as every other sentiment and emotion brewing in him, casted away as one remaining feeling conquers his entire being without finding a trace of resistance: fear.

"A human sacrifice?" Rage and pain fused into a stream of words, spilling uncontrollably from his mouth with the roaring waterfall as its background. "You offered yourself as a HUMAN SACRIFICE!?"

Her tears halt right away, replaced now by confusion while she does her best to process what’s really happening.

“A. Human. Sacrifice.” Sounds closer to spite this time around. The terror inside him turning swiftly into a mixture of sorrow and disbelief brewing out of control to gain possession of every inch of his body.

In one second, Jacob closes the distance between them. In the next one, he has his hands on her arms, holding her in place with a trembling pulse as his heart demands an explanation.

“What were you thinking!?”

“I…” She doesn’t have the time to answer. 

Before Lara is able to find the right words to say, Jacob's head sinks downward, completely defeated by the possible reality that never came to be.

“How could you do that…” He barely whispers, no longer a question to her, but to the universe, tormented now in the present by knowing how close he was to losing her. His hold strengthens, no longer his decision, with his body acting on its own to be sure she won’t slip right through his fingers. “How could you… How could you…?”

His voice goes beyond breathy, no force left in him to finish his question and hold back the tears that are desperately trying to overrun him.

Someone had to. She wants to say, but isn’t able to either, all basic abilities to function more than lost as the sight presented in front of her turns somehow into something even worse than the hell she was expecting to unravel. I had to.

“Heavens, Lara. You… You…” His words choke as they form, but he forces them out nonetheless, pulling back his emotions long enough to finish them before they stream down. “You could’ve died.”

A tear starts falling, unhurried.

“You should’ve died…” 

Two more join the first one. 

“By all means, you should be dead.”

And he breaks. 

A third waterfall joins the scenery and starts pouring from his eyes, his grip tightens even further, head down still, being now Lara the only thing that keeps him from slipping away from reality.

“And I…”

There’s a part of Jacob that screams at him to surrender and stop talking, to take a moment to breathe and to think, to look at her. But his pain blinds him to all sound and, instead, his eyes remain fixed on the ground as his fears, already fed to the brim by the years of anguish and separation, take now complete dominion over his being, stripping away all traces of self-control, fueled by the weight of this newfound information.

“I…” His eyes close for a moment, fighting the idea as it leaves his body. “I would’ve never found out.”

Stating it out loud, makes the concept even more painful than when it was chained and trapped deep into his body. Somehow, putting it into words, makes it more harmful. More real.

“You would’ve saved the world and I’d be here, alone, left to spend the rest of my long, pointless and miserable life imploring God that you were lying when you said you love me, praying so that your absence meant you had forgotten me. Every second, every day, pleading and begging that the reason you don’t come back is because you didn’t want to.”

Jacob shakes his head for a few seconds, tears still having free reign over his face, too well aware of the way the alternate reality he’s painting would’ve ended.

“A wasted life of prayers.” He adds, the anger melting further away under the influence of the sorrow. “Perfectly knowing, through every single squandered breath of my empty, drab and meaningless existence, that the reason you won’t come back to me is because you’re dead.”

Lara remains silent, focused on him, all old fears disappearing while far worse take new form inside her body, shaping all of his words into anguish as she witnesses the pain she’s causing him. 

Nevertheless, she remains silent.

She owes him that much, at least.

The grip on Jacob’s hands starts to soften along with the stream of water flowing down his face and, with his head still focused on the ground, still unable to look directly at her, he eventually releases her from his hold, tears fading away little by little at the same speed his grasp finally crumbles, no strength left in him to keep alive neither of them.

His hands fall, almost surrender, back to their place, feelings invading him as his own lack of sleep, the emotional shock, and the strength he just employed without knowing it, mix carefully into a transcendental form of tiredness to leave him standing there without the will to do anything else for a while.

When that while comes to an end, he takes a few steps backwards, literally at the edge of the abyss, putting some distance between them as he stands right next to the falling water, needing the added space to finally be able to look at Lara. After a mandatory moment to breathe, eyes shut and hands closed by his side, he puts everything aside, and forces his sight to move.

What he finds once it sets on her, is enough to cast away any remnant of his anger that the tiredness still hadn’t taken care of, leaving the fear and the pain on their own as they find themselves a new reason to upsurge.

“...”

Lara remains stoic, looking directly at him. Strong stance, composed breathing and focused expression, all mixed into the woman that stands now before Jacob. No emotion palpable in a single inch of her body, no feeling painted or leaving its trace behind.

And yet, it's the most harrowing vision he’s had the chance to witness in many hundreds of years he’s been alive.

In fact, he doesn’t feel alive, for a moment, or at least, he wishes he wasn’t.

Lara’s skills to conceal her inner turmoil normally excel the average and, right now, they even go far beyond what are usually her own, reaching levels of realness so high that she’s almost able to fool herself.

The many emotions fighting and arguing inside of her have caused such disarray that she isn’t able to act as a consequence, with no trace of them in her expression, making her look like she’s staring at the void.

She’s staring at the void, indeed.

But not for long.

The battle royale disputed inside her body quickly elects a champion among the countless emotions fighting in it and, at the speed of a lightning striking against the ground, the winner takes control and makes her drop to her knees, emotionless still.

Jacob stares, not knowing what else to do, unable to pinpoint what she’s experiencing just from her expression. Too many shades of too many feelings to strike them out as a single color.

But that doesn’t last either.

After a few moments of staring at nothing, her eyes move to his, sinking in them, as she’s somehow striving to read his soul, searching for something in them she’s both eager and afraid to find.

“I…” He attempts to say, but that’s when she finds it.

A cry of tears bursts from Lara without notice and, unlike before, this one could not be more different.

Her dignified stroll towards him a few minutes ago, with feelings streaming slowly down her face as her heart twisted inside of her, is nowhere near what she’s experiencing right now.   

The tears cannot be called that anymore, for they are no longer drops of water. A flood, conquering her eyes, muddy and unstoppable, running from her eyes and her nose and mixing with her cries into a complete mess.

Perhaps it would be more proper to call in an explosion, than a cry, a mix of howls and grunts exiting her body without a trace of warning nor preparation, fighting and crashing against one another on their way out.

The soft breaths of pain she displayed before are now long forgotten, her entire being conquered by a concoction of choked weeping and sobs and faltering breathings followed by loud gasps as all of her desperately attempts to get some sort of air supply to remain alive. 

Her body seems to be trying to coil around itself, still on the ground, head down on her legs and arms wrapped around her knees in what seems like an attempt to guard herself from the entire world, and all the pain within it.

The wails and whimpers carry on for a while, frozen in what could almost be described as a prayer-like position, while hugging herself for every second that it takes her to exorcise the many battling feelings and cast them away with this shaky, unrestrained and raw stream of tears.

Jacob is too strained, too tired, to react as he would usually do: crumbling into a million pieces after witnessing her doing so. Instead, he just stares for a few seconds, and starts moving.

The gap left between them is quickly closed with a few long steps and, after taking a moment to breathe, he crouches in front of her, remaining in complete silence as one of his hands moves to rest on her shoulder.

As if it were a black wire, the contact instantly grounds her, the defeated emotions redirecting away from her and flowing back into the earth, the cries fading little by little while the tears remain, all feelings escaping without resistance, while the one that prevails, still undefeated, quickly takes over her body.

To say Jacob is surprised, would be an understatement.

What seemed like pain only a few seconds ago shifts gradually into something different, brighter, and for a moment, he could swear her cries sound like giggles. After another, he hears the unthinkable.

Is she laughing?

His head scurries to the side trying to get a better angle of her face.

She is laughing, indeed. The tears are still there, but she’s laughing.

More than a thousand years of life, but nothing in them prepares him for this moment. Not a single clue of how to act, what to do. How to feel.

Nevertheless, the explanation needed doesn’t make itself wait and, as she recovers a more normal disposition, unwrapping herself to look at him, what’s left of her internal battle finally vanishes, leaving the entirety of the spotlight to the main victor.

“I thought this was it…”

Relief.

Lara wipes the tears aways, taking a few moments to catch up with her breathing.

“Thought it was over… You and I.” An incredulous giggle exits her body. “I…”

Jacob hugs her. 

He is exhausted, and hurt, and now he realizes he’s hurt her too, which puts him in extreme danger of continuing to fall into their well-known vicious cycle of pain and suffering, destroying themselves in a helpless loop of infinite guilt.

She did something to hurt him, which hurts her in return. He sees her hurt, so it hurts him too. And, in that fashion, they could torture each other until the end of time, if he was willing to let it continue.

He is not.

Instead, Jacob just hugs her. One hand on her lower back as the other buries in her hair, bringing her as close as he’s able, apology and forgiveness all melted into a deep and solid embrace.

She leans into it, with amends of her own, embracing her mistakes and their consequences tight within her arms, feeling as undeserving as ever while she takes in all the pain she’s caused him.

“Should it be over?” 

Lara’s voice is thin, shaky, almost a whisper, but her words aim at her target with strength and precision.

Jacob breaks the embrace, hands back at her arms, his eyes looking in hers for any kind of explanation that contradicts what he knows she really meant.

There’s none to be found, and still, he cannot fathom the idea.

“What…?” He shakes his head in disbelief, reluctant to even contemplate what she’s suggesting.

“After all I’ve done…” She looks down, summoning courage as her fears shape into words. “It’d be only natural. If you don’t, if you didn’t…” Lara has known the concept by heart for a while now, but still unable to say it out loud, she lets context fill in the gaps, and just adds a simple: “Anymore.”

“No…”

She doesn’t seem to hear his reply at first.

“You’d probably be better off without…”

She does the second time around.

“No.” Concise, powerful. Soft, yet strong enough to halt her line of thoughts. 

After a moment of emptiness, with only their breathing and the roar of the waterfall filling the surrounding air, Jacob moves his hand with care and redirects her chin to make her look at him.

He expects to see tears in her eyes. Instead, they're mostly filled with acceptance, which is somehow more successful at harming him.

“No.” He takes his time with this last one, letting room in his voice to let her know how much he really means it. “Never.”

Lara breathes deeply, shielding herself from the truth.

“I am broken.” She offers it as an explanation.

He isn’t willing to accept it.

“So am I.” Her eyes flicker with hesitation for an instant. “So is everyone.”

She fights back.

“You cannot love me…” Lara states, as if it were true, not sure who she’s really lying to. “No one can.”

Jacob sighs and lets his head fall onto hers for a few seconds, needing the pause so all of his thoughts can rearrange and shift to form the adequate words to express himself.

It’s easier to let her see his true feelings when he’s able to write them, to process them, to put them all in the right order before reexamining them to infinity before turning them into ink. 

Such rich emotions cannot be improvised into words, cannot be materialized without choking inside his throat or formed into something that makes complete sense. But for her, he’s willing to try.

After another sigh, he turns back to his previous position and decides to ignore all the turmoil, letting his instincts do the talking.

“I see you, Lara.” 

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

“I truly see you.”

He looks away, his mind searching for the right words for an instant, but he forces his eyes back to hers: say it as it is. 

“I’ve always seen you.” He smiles a little. “You.”

Her heart sinks a little by the way he says you. Lower, deeper, too many feelings tangled in such few letters.

“How could I not?”

Another pause. 

“How?”

Jacob shakes his head a couple of times and, for the first time in a while, offers her a subtle smile.

“And I think, you see me too.” He adds, after giving the idea a thought. “Know me well enough to trust my words, my feelings…” 

One last moment of silence.

“After all I’ve been through…” He corrects himself. “After all we’ve been through… Do you really think my sight is mistaken? Do you really think I cannot see you, You, and all of you, instead of this false idealized image you assume I must have created to be capable of loving you?”

Lara gulps and blinks a couple of times and he considers it a win, having in mind it is the first reaction she’s had since he started his impromptu speech.

Say it as it is. Jacob repeats again as a mantra inside his head, displaying his feelings as they are, bare just for her to do with them whatever she wishes.

“I, love, you, Lara. You.” 

The inflection in his voice, the way he says you, yet again, like that little word weighed tons more than any other in the dictionary, filled with so much affection and devotion that the three letters cannot do anything other than fall and plummet right straight into her heart.

“My feelings aren’t shallow, aren’t vain, nor hollow, either. I am not painting expectations or illusions into your skin and taking them as true, I am not shifting reality to cast upon you the shade I desire most. I’m not conjuring some sort of goddess and seeing her in you, Lara. In fact, it is the other way around.

I haven’t fallen, and then started to see my feelings on you… I saw you, I see you, and that’s why I’ve fallen. And you may not believe my words, Lara, but at least you can trust what I see.”

Her eyes are fixed on him, taking in all he’s saying completely frozen. Afraid, perhaps, of doing something that would halt his speech.

Lara’s heart bubbles inside her chest, her soul slithers through her body, all he says coating her pain and dissolving it into non-existence.

But she remains silent, and that gets her exactly what she wants: he keeps talking.

“I know there’s not a heroine in front of me, nor a saint or a martyr. I do not see or seek perfection in you. 

I know your story, I know your flaws. Your mistakes. I’m well aware that the horrors you suffered in order to survive equal the pain you have inflicted onto others to achieve that exact same goal.

So I can assure you that I am not lying to myself, putting you into a shiny armor, savior of the entire world and everyone in it, and ignoring anything else in front of my eyes.”

Usually, she would’ve been crying by now. And if she weren’t, that sentence would surely be the one to tip the scales and release the river. 

Usually.

But she doesn’t.

Her full concentration in what he’s saying, added to the fact that there may not be any tear left in her entire being, is powerful enough to prevent it. 

She feels too much to cry and, if she did, she wouldn't be able to keep hearing anything he’s saying.

And she’s not gonna let that happen.

“How could I ignore what’s really in front of my eyes? How could anyone?” 

Jacob combs her hair lovingly, pinning behind her ear the rogue strands that always manage to escape her ponytail. 

“I see how stubborn you are, your focus. I see you try, and fail, and yet, I see how you keep trying. Your courage and determination, your fire and rage. How your mind works, how your body follows it. 

The way you’ll stop at nothing to get your target. 

The way you’ll abandon your target to save a life.

I see your pain. I see your fears. I see your regrets.

No one, Lara, is undeserving of love. No one. 

But least of all, you.”

His other hand falls, slowly tracing her arm to link with hers, fingers lacing slowly, tugging a little with endearment. 

“I know why you may think so. I’ve been there too… But know that when I say that I love you, it’s really You who I’m talking about.”

The hand resting on her head moves slowly, adding it to his speech. 

“Perhaps for them,” he points towards the village, or towards the entire world, she’ll never know, “you may be little more than a tale, a legend. The unknown hero that materializes when it’s most needed and saves the day without asking for anything in return. But for me,” his hand turns to rest on his chest, “you’re not. You are not…” He smiles a little. “I know where you come from, why you came here. What your target was, and your motivation. I know why you abandoned it… Why you destroyed it.”

Memories fill the air as Lara understands what he’s truly saying. He’s seen her at her worst, but also at her best. He knew she wanted the source more than anyone, knew why she had to find it. For her, for her father. But he also knew why she helped them.

To save his people.

Why she destroyed it.

To save him.

Almost as if he could hear what she’s thinking, Jacob’s hand moves the exact same moment that those words form inside her head, leaving his chest in order to cup her face.

“You… Are You. Imperfect, headstrong… Unique.” His smile deepens. “Lethal, yet loyal. Solid, yet delicate.” 

Glee isn't able to describe Jacob’s feelings. Unadulterated joy radiating from him as his words travel the road of describing her to perfection.

“You’re the most beautiful soul to have ever graced this Earth with its existence… That, is what I see.”

He gets closer.

“How could you, for one moment, believe there’s a reality where I wouldn’t love you? Where I wouldn't care, or feel anything? Where I wouldn’t miss you, or fear for you? Where I wouldn't be terrified for your life? Where I wouldn’t be angry at your self-sacrifice?”

He laughs softly, fear and anger long gone, conquered by the love inspired by the same qualities that caused the anguish in the first place.

“Of course you volunteered as a human sacrifice, wouldn’t be you otherwise.”

Jacob sighs, but the smile is still there, as the conflicting notion that his fears and love are caused by the same thing manages to settle a newfound calm into his soul.

With most of his demons cast away, he falls into silence, leaving an empty floor she’s now more than willing to take in order to reply to the unanswered question she didn’t manage to form into words before. 

“I had to.” She says it as if she was telling him the sky is blue. An objective statement and decision, not a whim, nor a death wish.

“For the greater good?” 

Despite his words, there’s no judgment in his sentence, not anymore. More comfortable with the idea, now that he’s realized she wouldn’t be the woman he loves if she had done anything different, Jacob just wants to know and understand everything to completion.

Her voice trembles as she delivers her answer.

“For you…” 

“Lara…”

Whatever remark he’s about to make never takes form, her words cutting his off before he’s able to develop them any further.

“You keep asking me to survive, to live. Why would you think I’d feel any differently?”

“I’ve lived enough…” He insists.

So does she.

“Not for me… Not with me.” She moves to point a finger on top of his chest. “Of course I did it for you.”

As he puts his feelings into order, Jacob’s hand wraps around hers, keeping it glued to his heart so she can feel against it the truth of his words, accompanied by the loud beats that crash through him.

“In vain… You, wanting to die to save me, would’ve only managed to kill me.”

Lara brings their hands to her lips and plants a kiss on his, keeping them there for a moment before mirroring the original pose, moving them now to rest on top of her own heart.

“You got it all wrong.” She says, with the flicker of a smile painting her face. “I wasn’t trying to only save you; I was just fighting. For you. To protect your world. And yes, I put myself in danger, but it’s also what kept me going. In the end, it’s the reason I’m alive.”

Jacob looks confused for a moment, until she starts to explain herself.

“Told you I got the chance to change everything, change it all. My mistakes, my losses… They tempted me, offered me a different life, with my parents in it, without the suffering, without the pain… And I didn’t even hesitate, not for a second, because of you.

You.

I couldn’t risk You, Us. 

I couldn't change the world and erase the only thing worth fighting for. But, above all, I just couldn’t, after everything you’ve been through, after what happened here, I would never choose to have that power. No one… Should ever have that kind of power. You taught me that.”

Lara wears a full-on smile, unable to hold it back as her eyes focus on his reaction to her words: beaming love and pride in equal parts.

“So I fought for the future, instead, our future, for the chance to come back here, to see you again, to hold you.” 

And so she does, her free hand cupping his face as her mind retrieves for him a fragment of his letter.

“All in this world would be meaningless if you are no longer a part of it.”

Unable to contradict his own words Jacob laughs a little, resting his head on top of hers, taking the time to process it all.

After a while he stands up, and she watches him go toward the edge of the cliff, looking at the water just as he usually does, admiring how it falls and flows with its constant movement.

It takes Jacob a long minute to finally speak.

“You’d have broken me, you know that, right?”

She decides not to reply.

After all, he’s right. She knows that.

Instead, Lara just stands up, walks slowly to where he is, and hugs his back employing the lightest touch she’s able to summon, letting her arms wrap around him to provide the comfort he needs as he finishes saying what they both already know.

“Not knowing what happened to you, why it happened… It would've been my end too.”

She breaks the hug and, for a moment, he thinks he’s reopened a wound, when he was just trying to be honest, but when he turns to try and save her, he finds her calmly looking for something on one of the inside pockets of her jacket, on the opposite side where he knows she carries his letter.

“I…” She says, as she empties it, pulling out a somehow wrinkled envelope, but one that’s in way too good of shape to be the one he gave her years ago. 

Lara offers it to him.

“I know.” She admits, arm extended, waiting for him to take it. “I’ve read your words too many times to be aware of the pain I almost inflicted on you… ” She smiles at him. “So I thought maybe mine would be able to soothe it a little.”

He takes it with care, staring at the envelope as if he had just been gifted with a relic from God himself.

To Jacob.

“I was going to send it… Just in case, you know.” She grabs his chin and redirects him to look at her. “But then I wouldn’t be able to do this.” 

Her hand traces his jaw on its way to his hair, tangling in it to bring him closer to her. 

By the time their lips meet, his hands are on her too, holding her close, near, moving with care to explore her body. Nothing too haste, or hungry. Just a thousand feelings, slowly finding their way to be expressed into something real. 

Despite the softness of the exchange, Jacob needs a moment to focus once it's over, feeling overwhelmed, ever so slightly, as his mind tries its best to catch up with his heart.

Once he’s back to reality he smiles at her, letting her know he’s ready to keep listening.

“Gave it to someone I trusted, instead. I needed to think… To hope, that I’d be able to hand you this in person. That I’d come back to you.”

He looks at Lara one more time and then stares at the letter. Without asking, she nods as a reply, giving him permission to open it.

He’s more than ready.

Jacob seats at the edge of the cliff and breaks the seal.

With her mind suddenly replaying all she wrote and felt, Lara stares at him, and for a moment, she thinks of leaving him alone. Nevertheless, the thought is casted away almost immediately and, after gathering some resolve, she decides to sit by his side.

She takes in the scenery while he begins to read, not wanting to bother him but, just as it did with the Divine Source, her hand moves on its own, and her fingers intertwine with Jacob’s before she’s able to do anything to override that order.

Lara stares at the view of the valley, following Jacob’s ritual of getting lost into the many glimmers of the falling water, as this one focuses everything he is and gets sucked into the letter.

Despite not wanting to distract him, she simply cannot help herself, and contradicting her own wants, the contact remains unbroken.

Maybe I’m distr…

The thought never takes form.

By the way he strengthens the grip, radiating love and affection, it’s obvious that he doesn’t care.

And, after feeling every bit of it in the tender gesture, neither does she.

-----------------------------------------

Boom! Done with the angst. Next chapter -> The Third Letter Yaaaaaay~~ Now you know why the fic is named that way (most of you surely were expecting this moment for a while now)

Being the next one a letter, I can already tell you I'll take me less time than this one.

I mentioned the angst problem but, the other thing that made this longer than expected is that, after having the whole Jacob speech already written, I watched for the first time ever every season of Buffy the vampire slayer (in like, a week lol) and coming back to write this I realized most of his speech was almost identical to Spike's speech at the end of the series (the "I love what you are" one) and despite being a coincidence (like, I was amazed, because you cannot imagine the level of similarity) I felt like I needed to change my own (but I didn't want to completely change my vision), so it took me a while to find a new line similar to my original draft but not too similar to the one in btvs. So yeah. Also, I've spent a month reading spuffy fics, that may also have influenced how much this has taken me to write ehehehehehe Oh well... I have no regrets.

As always, feeling a bit unsure about the ending. Think it can be better, but I'm posting this today, so it'll have to do lol

Finally, and sorry for the long af note, wanted to thank you for taking the time to read my madness, means a lot. Still cannot believe this is over 4000 hits as of now. Feel free to leave a comment about whatever, they always cheer me up, motivate me to write more. In any case, thank you for reading this. Love you, and see you soon (fingers crossed) ~~tea

[prince-liest]

I am literally checking your blog daily how the backflipping DUCK did I miss the recent snippet!?!?

It is genius. Bestest thing in the entire universe. I am filled with admiration for your skills. If I were home, I would be screaming into a pillow.

Just how do you make snippets this good?!?? Hahah♡ /pos

Backflipping duck got me, HAHA, thank you for that. Honestly, this entire chapter has been sitting solidly in "there's a lot of emotional fallout here from the previous installments of this series, and it is making me very paranoid about pulling both of them out of character," so I'm really glad people are enjoying the bits of WIP that I've been posting! Now that I've made it through a night out followed by an all-day party, I can sit, relax, and edit the shit out of it prior to posting so that I feel solid about it, hahaha. Anyway, thank you so much! <3 These kind messages have been fueling me amidst all the chaos, ehehe.

More replies specifically on the snippet under the cut! <3

okay I'm DYING over that snippet, alastor is going through a crisis not feeling comfortable with what they've been doing any longer and trying to figure out how to express that and one of the first things vox says when he breaches the topic is "I'm gonna dress up valentino as you and fantasize about fucking you anyway" like buddy!! all horny no brain asdfg they're both killing me omg - ✨

Vox was allowed like two seconds of healthy, genuine communication prior to the snippet I posted before I was like, "Hm, one sec, gotta remind everyone who he is," hahaha. He was, to be fair, mostly trying to be glib in that moment in a way that just didn't land.

Vox says "well it doesn't have to be literally you if you don't want" and Alastor hears "I've objectified the idea of you to such an extent that I'm going to go to such length to still realize my desire to fuck you" and oof.

Hi, anon who loves your writing snippets here 👋 Reaction summarized: “The Emotions They destroyed their cage Yes YES The Emotions are out” In other words: I am ready to be utterly obliterated. Hit me with the emotional weightlifting these two idiots are about to do. I’m rubbing my hands vigorously like a little creacher, a raccoon or common housefly, perhaps. On another note, so happy you’re getting off to a good start in your residency! As someone who’s been below the poverty line for most of their life, I know how thrilling it can be to look at future housing prospects. There’s nothing I love more than decorating a new space to make it feel like home :). I hope for the best for you these upcoming months!

Ehehehe, what a GREAT use of that poem. >:D The emotions really have finallly destroyed their cage. Time to face the music!!

And ahhh, thank you! Yeah, I've moved around a lot throughout my life (including switching houses weekly between my parents most of my life) and I feel like one of the ways I adapted to it was just being very gung-ho about decorating and home-ifying a place I'm staying, so I'm so excited to finally have a space that is All Mine To Do With As I Please without being concerned about roommates, etc, etc. And it won't be permanent, but I'll be there three years, and that's a decently long time!!

[dynamic-k]

ok i seriously cannot think of a question. AAAAAAA-

ummm... Because I can't think of one for Super Sticks, I am actually going to ask about The Spark AU.

Soo... Chosen has powers. The Spark is a Human AU. Other sticks- wait no humans- have been seen to have powers, like Quarter.

I swear why do I actually like and feel attached to Quarter- something is seriously wrong with me. He appeared for like, what, one chapter, and didn't even say anything?

If The Spark is a Human AU, then why do some humans have powers? Unless it's a human AU with powers. In which case, I'm an idiot.

Besides that, what does resonating actually mean? What is a 'core' and do people from other worlds have it as well? What does it do? You said somewhere that The Spark and a core are not the same thing.

What is The Spark?

Also, reading back on chapter one, what would have happened is Second touched Quarter's cage?

Like- because he's connected to it, would it hurt if he just- I dunno how to say this, but just kind of poked it with his finger?

hmmm... What is Quarter's powers like? Like- what is it actually, and how did he intend to use it in the fight?

Also if he can make solid things i can kind of just imagine him making letters in the air to talk. Oooo- does he know sign language? ASL, or BSL??? Oh I can just imagine him talking excitedly with Hazard from Super Sticks!!! (Before Vic gave him the gene supplements thingies, of course)

CROSSOVER hehe

See you next time, have a lovely day!

-R

Yay!! Spark AU ask!! My first one ever, actually- :O

jaehjawghrkjWJRGHAR *insert feral happy noises*

Disclaimer: I am under the influence of a coffee. Beware of rambles.

First off! I need to clarify things, since Quarter technically does have powers but also doesn't-

Remember this scene in chapter one?

"human modificators"

The Faction is artificially granting their own, different types of synthesized power. It's not efficient, has many drawbacks, and isn't exactly healthy for the Factionist receiving it. Quarter has a sensitive mental connection to his ability, enough that it sent waves of a mental, phantom pain striking through his head like a hammer when Demo was flung into the energy and broke through. Such a sudden break was rather harsh on the Factionist.

If Second would have touched it, he would've been granted a little shock, as Quarter's energy is highly electric. But just a minor bump against the glowing cage lines wouldn't hurt Quarter at all. It was the sudden and unexpected force, not to mention the strength of Chosen's throw that contributed to Demo's speed as he was launched, that really contributed to Quarter's brief mental agony.

I am really, oddly happy for some reason that Quarter stuck out to you! I spent like twenty some minutes making him, and I plan for him to show up later at some point near the end of The Spark, edition one.

....Yes, I may have a sequel planned, shoosh- XD With the big ol' clifferhangery ending, I kinda have to make another fic don't I~?

I hope that answers your question, about why a lot of the Factionists are superpowered despite the tag on the fanfic labeling the AU as a Human AU. Which, is true, because it's an Earth in the story that everyone lives on, and everyone [with some possible exceptions] is a human. But, you know. Modificators. Human experimentation~? :D

Honestly, with how many people have asked a similar question: wondering why there are superpowers present despite the fanfic being labeled as a Human AU... I probably should add another clarifying tag, like the "Alternate Universe - Superpowers" one... XD Oy. I thought my clarity was okay on that front, but apparently not.

Luckily, we have these asks!! :D I am answering the questions, ehehehe

Resonation lore is a big deal in The Spark AU. I'll say what I can for now, it's such a rambly topic for me- XD

As far as "other worlds"... Uh, there is only one relevant to the plot right now. Which is the one that I implied Chosen and his parents came from when Chosen was rather young as stated in-story.

Second was born on Earth, though, as seen in the flashy-flashy-backy-backy~ U v U The poor boy has no clue...

A core is like a store of energy? but not like superpower energy or an energy that can be utilized for running/powering something, more like... How do I say this... More like the heart. A core is not vitally important to whom it belongs to, but it is a big part of who the character with the core is and what kind of potential the character has for certain things that are not human in nature at all~

It will be explained much better later in the plot.

The Spark and a core are very not the same thing, but the Spark is something that can be contained within a core, and only within a certain species that isn't human that Chosen and Second may both happen to be- *is cut off before further explanation*

Quarter's artificial power is sorta... the ability to create electric matter and shape it at will. It's quite formidable, and he utilized it to encase the roof in a large electric energy barrier, glowing cage lines meant to keep the fight from moving off the roof, and to keep Chosen contained with the other Factionsists so he couldn't flee.

Not like it worked- O w O Chosen is a LOT stronger than he looks, and Demo is so huge, it took the trio quite by surprise~

HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?!?! :O I AM IN SHOCK- Yes, Quarter does use his ability to draw words in the air, he loves practicing cursive especially- WHAT THE STICK, YOU GUESSED THAT SO SPOT ON RIGHT-

Quarter does know a fair amount of sign language. Used it mostly before he joined the Faction and ended up receiving his current power. He's very close with Demolition and Kree, and often only communicates with them using looks and facial expressions, of which the other two tend to understand very easily due to how long they spent training together.

The process of receiving a synthetic power is quite painful by the way!! :D And, uh, most of the Factionist incidents/encounters are drawn up to play some sympathy toward the guys. Also because, I like giving everyone a character and personality! U v U Even if it does mean spending a little extra time creating said OC.

Now the Mercenaries are a liiiittle bit different in the sympathetic regard? As in, you can tell they're only following orders, but they do enough harmful things it's difficult at the start to, uh, feel the exact same way about the four of them, than it is to feel about any other misguided Factionist who believes they're in the right. Mercenaries, uh... let's just say I have plans. I say this a lot, don't I- ...we'll get there when we get there, I really can't spoil tooooo much~ >:3

Anyway, Quarter's plan was as I mentioned: Making the cage to box Chosen in, so his two teammates could fight him better. Quarter would have also joined in the fight two, creating energy arrows or projectiles once he was sure that the initial cage lines were stable. It does take him a moment or two to make sure that the energy he is outputting is in place. A detriment, or weakness, I guess.

More crossover ideas!! TS!Quarter and SS!Hazard, oh STICK. They'd be besties, for sure. O w O

Fun fact: TS!Hazard is NOT mute, actually. :3

That's all the TS!merc info you'll be getting out of meeeeeeeee- /total-lie, I-can't-keep-my-mouth-shut

[bitchiswild]

storytime on how you got married because i just remember being at work when all of a sudden the marriage bot appeared and i was like ? 'who' and then BOOM you and lila were now a married couple (also the day my heart broke???)

@kittyl1z ohh Sienna... will your heart break again when I tell this story?😭

I basically gave the gist of how Lila @lilacura and I got married in the first goon central story, but sienna wants the details,so the details she will get. 😌

So it all started when Lila and I were planning my trip to her country cause we both love planning things for fun. We yapped about things we would do, where i would stay, how long i should stay, when i should come over, how she would buy me a plane ticket (sugar mommy fr) etc. THENNNN WE GOT OFF TOPIC AND STARTED talking about our birthdays, THEN we talked about our horoscopes and how she's a fire sign and I'm an air sign, so I told her that we are compatible because fire needs air to live.😎 (HAHAHA)

The she was like "STOPPPP WE'RE SOULMATES🤭" and i was like "YESSSS ATP PROPOSE TO MEEEE🤪" I was kidding during that time... but then Lila was like 🤨"who said u weren't already my wife?" in my mind i was like oh?(EHEHEH) I looked at my finger and replied to her "wheres the ring??? i see none" 🤨🤔

Then lila left to go find me a ring, she was sending me photos, but your gurly was being VERYYY MUCH PICKY WITH HER RINGS🥰 BUTTTTT Lila worked hard trying to find me a ring but none piped my interest so i went to look for it myself and sent her a pic of it and she was like "OH YOU LIKE THIS ONE?" ( yes yes i did) the she told me to wait then a second later SHE SENT THE SAME PHOTO I SENT HER TO ME AND TOLD ME TO ACT LIKE SHE CHOSE IT. so i was like "OMGGGGG ITS SOOO NICEEE YESSSSSS" then i took the ring and brought it to an editing app and edited the ring on My finger and sent it back to lila AND IT FUCKING LOOK LEGIT LMAOOOOO.

THEN THE NEXT DAY, THAT WAS WHEN WE ADOPTED KEER @keervah AND JADE @jade-jini AND LILA TOLD ME WE HAVE 2 KIDS AND I TOLD HER THAT WE DIDNT EVEN GET MARRIED YET AND WE ALREADY HAVE KIDS😭😭 but then Lila was like "I proposed yesturday🙄" and i was like "but theres no wedding🙄" ( like we didnt even sign papers😯) of course that made lila be like "WOW OKAY OUR ENGAGEMENT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU" i was shook🧍‍♀️ ( LIKE DID I NAWT SAY YESS???? I AGREEED, OUR ENGAGEMENT MADE ME GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET, BUT WE JS NEVER SIGNED PAPERS?!) THEN SHE WAS LIKE YOU DIDNT EVEN GET ME A RING ( but little did she know i had a ring ready for her 😎 in my camera roll) So i sent it to her and of course SHE LOVEDDD ITTTTTT WHAT CAN I SAYYYYYYYYYYYY

It was perfect it was so her too then YOU SIENNA GOT BROUGHT UP CAUSE WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THE FANFIC ABOUT ME, LILA, AND SIENNA (the love triangle ff) ( guys would you be down for a fanfic like that?) ( IM KIDDING PLSS) and how in the fanfic lila would be the one to win in the end and i was TEASING I SAID "WHAT IF I LIKE SIENNA TOO" then lila got sad 😔 ( my bad bb) and was like "but we are the ones getting married." (rememberrr i said yesss to her proposallll i wouldnt js do it with any oneeee :p) but i apologized :3

Then the next day we added a marriage bot to the server :3 Thats when lila and i made our marriage official surrounded by people we love and care about watching me click the yes button😭🎉

In the end I’m happy and I hope lila is happy too😰(CONFIRM NOW!!) we are silly, we cry together, be sleepy together, send each other TikTok’s and chat all the time we are two peas in a pod (soulmates even 💅🏼) and I wouldn’t change a thing :33

:p

Our marriage anniversary is on March 1, 2024 💍🎉

but thats practically it for the story its a mess but thats just how i roll😎

LILA AND I'S RINGS 💕💕

[lepertamar]

So seeing as you’re also a fan of Star Trek TOS and vulcans, I thought I’d share an observation........in the stars that rise at dawn, the whole Tamar-Elīya drama/the Tamar Incident when she runs away to become a holy, is kind of a deep subversion of the thing in the first Star Trek movie where Spock runs away from Kirk and the Enterprise and tries to take the Kolinahr ritual....but of course Spock was wrong and Tamar was right :’)

EDIT: i got and wrote out this ask in mid 2022 and then never posted it because ???? forgot it somehow. or maybe i had a reason, bc it was complete. anyway here, this is not quite up to my 2024 standards possibly but w/e:

Okay okay I need to like REALLY luxuriate in this. wow. ehehehe. omg the extent to how exhaustively this follows the star trek incident and also how many subverting switches/equal-and-opposite reversals go into every step. how, blow-by-blow the subversions here are. especially in terms of like....especially the stuff I've kept talking about regarding the way Sehhinah does so much 'subversion' of both like, mythology and common genre tropes: it subversions are best when it really sticks to subverting only by changing a couple things mostly about the connotations/emotional affect/motives involved, or "what actually happened, if you described it while projecting as few connotations and assumptions onto it as possible" and this is like.....wow?? one of the most intensive ones?

but okay okay okay so like..........compare/contrast, Tamar runs away because Eliya doesn't know who she is anymore and their friendship is based on nothing, a holding pattern, vs Spock running away because Kirk knows him TOO well and his love friendship for Kirk is too intense and makes him not-himself. Tamar runs away mainly to run to something (to cleave to a people and to a god and to experience an irrevocable sight that will become an addition to herself) and her getting away from her friends without warning is mostly secondary to that, a sort of perception that what has been awakened in her (her self-understanding, her desire, the things she has come to know and be, even before her actual burning) is an impassable disconnect with her old friends and life that she doesn't know or care about enough to try to salvage without being untruthful to herself. Spock runs away mostly to get away from his life with Kirk, in space, with humans, from the fear and shame that he is becoming polluted and un-Vulcan and too-human from their influence and the feelings and desires this life stirs in him, and he tries to take the Kolinahr not for its own sake but because it's a socially acceptable and very Vulcan/not-human way to prove to himself that he's a Real Vulcan and eradicate the human half in him that makes him ashamed and self-loathing of himself. uh hang on where should i put a cut

And also.....Spock fails the ritual because the elders at Gol sense that he is not genuine in his desire or his reasons, and Tamar succeeds because she is truthful, she begs and states simply "I want to see Your soul, all of it, even though it is brighter than anything at all." But that's not even the crux of things, is it? It doesn't mean the parallels diverge there, because Tamar's changes vis-a-vis Eliya came from her decision and desire and the fact that she perceived that she could not continue to live as she had; and this is in fact also true of Spock! They both return, reluctantly, due to the intervention of an outside factor, to their old place and their old friends, and the barrier continues. They are unfitting and different and the same. For different reasons, Tamar IS different and has grown away and knows things about herself and the world that Eliya hasn't, and the things she has seen and life she has built in the meantime have integrated into her Self sincerely, and she won't pretend otherwise. Spock is not as different, but he wants to be different, he wants to not belong here and wants to belong on Vulcan instead, and he has made a (he thinks) irreversible break anyway, which is helping him lie to himself and everyone else as hard as possible.

The Eliya parallel and divergence from Kirk role too: There's the similarity: Eliya does not understand why Tamar left, like Kirk doesn't understand why Spock left. She is hurt and confused. Kirk is too. She genuinely doesn't care as much about Tamar burning out her eyes as much as she cares (at first) about the fact Tamar broke their childhood promise and did not share this important thing with her and ghosted and left her, and (later) about the evidence that burning out her eyes must have been something so Much and big and truthful about Tamar's Self that Tamar thinks Eliya can't share in her life anymore because Eliya doesn't understand what it's like to feel a trembling Much truthful sureness and self-seeing of desire that extreme and that worth anything. Kirk is hurt and confused that Spock left but also from the start is astonished and alarmed that whatever it was, it was so extreme and intense that Spock tried to purge all his emotions about it, and didn't and still won't even explain properly. Eliya insists and assumes it was her fault, and tries to put words in Tamar's mouth about it, "sorry for whatever I did to drive you away." Kirk fears and suspects the same thing about Spock but tries not to assume so, but the thing is that Kirk is right and Eliya was not, and over the movie it grows. Kirk offered Spock friendship and love and duty and stirred humans desires and emotions in Spock and revealed Spock to himself, revealed truths about himself to himself, in a way that Eliya never once ever could. Eliya could never have been a Kirk to Tamar but she also could never have been a brown-haired-anime-boy-childhood-friend to Tamar's white-haired-anime-boy-childhood-friend who mistakenly throws his lot in with a force too Big for him out of arrogant assumption that his friends aren't enough or that his friends make him soft. because she was not and never had been the site of potent revealing-of-the-self-to-one's-self -- the woman with the burned tongue, Safira, the concept of seeing the face of G-d and living the rest of one's life with such knowledge, batshit interspecies (.....''''species'''') bond winning out over intraspecies ones, was the Kirk thing, and Sarek, not Kirk, is closer to Eliya here.

Other contrasts with mirrors: the Kolinahr is a ritual that purges emotions irrevocably and that is its point, whereas becoming a holy is all about intense emotional passion, but irrevocably causes you to lose something as well, but the loss is the direct opposite of Kolinahr in its effects and motive, given it makes you continually subjected to EXTREME emotions and stimulation and intrusion of g-d etc and the price is of losing a part of yourself (a bodypart/sense organ, your abled-ness, your purity and rest/silence/privacy/(....singlethood)) and the price is just kind of inherent to it, not the purpose of it.

Aesthetics also: desert, judaism vibes, god(star trek humans)-and-its-creation(v'ger)-dynamics. uh. 'star' in title. poor pacing. i'm killing it here etc. oh yeah.

[starsofthestorm]

three more scug designs!

btw usually ill refer to slugcats just with they/them pronouns but some of them will use pronouns like he/him or she/her depending on my personal headcanons for them i think arti and hunter use any pronouns but use she/her the most, rivulet uses he/they, and spearmaster uses any but primarily they/them idk man its just how i see them, call any of them whatever you like !!!!

anyways

monk is one of the few slugcats in the group with no glowing whatsoever, instead being able to grow flowers on their back these flowers can be picked without hurting monk, and if gifted to any creature will remove any hostility that specific creature has towards whoever gave it to them. the effect stays even if the flower is lost, and the flower doesnt mean the creature wont go back to being hostile.

its kind of like. "wow this is a great gift ok i wont beat the shit out of this person" and if you arent treating said creature kindly it will go right back to hating/wanting to eat you

monk is always at max karma and can grow karma flowers (although pretty rarely) alongside the normal ones. the karma flowers dont have the same effect as the normal flowers, just. normal karma flower !!

theyre pretty quiet, but super friendly and hate seeing people fight. they suck at breaking up fights, though, and usually just end up trying to find somebody else to break it up

bros also really short thank you for your time

monk uses he/she pronouns

next up is artificer !!

artificer, along with a couple others like hunter and spearmaster, does most of the protecting for the group.

although capable of glowing, its not something she can do easily and its not something that really worth trying to do

Along with her normal explosion jumps/explosions, she can do a MASSIVE explosion which stuns and/or kills any creature in a pretty large radius. usually if theres a lot of creatures in one spot she'll go in, explode once or twice, and then come back so she doesnt stun/hurt any of the scugs in the group.

she can use the massive explosion once, maybe twice before needing to lie down and cool down. using it causes her scars to start glowing a bit and smoking and they get very hot which hurts arti a lot, so she doesnt use that explosion very often, only when she really needs to.

her usual explosions often work fine if she overheats from any of her explosions it has the same effect, but it starts a lot slower and just keeps building up- faint glowing, getting hotter, and starting to smoke

shes very protective over the others (at least, the ones she likes) and struggles a lot with keeping her emotions in check, as she has a habit of getting worked up over things and needing to sit down and calm herself down for a bit.

arti uses any pronouns, she/her preferred (she and hunter are partners. love them)

aaand hunter !!

Hunter is based on a lantern mouse in terms of design. when sleeping, relaxed, or in bright spaces, she looks like the first design (dark red/orange-red one), but in dark places or when feeling a strong emotion they kind of "pop" to the lighter form and constantly glow (like a lantern mouse), their eyes and tail tip glow the most (eyes also get slightly lighter in color)

hunter is fairly serious but likes to slip jokes into conversation while keeping a straight face and not changing their tone at all, just to see if anyone will notice

shes usually hanging out near artificer

has the rot (of course how could i not) and sometimes it'll start to effect him more than usual, causing them a lot of pain and making it hard to walk. if it gets bad enough she can just collapse and wait for it to wear off enough for them to get up again

hunter uses any pronouns, she/they preferred (eheheh artihunter)

edit rq to mention: hunter does have scars, but theyre too dark to see on the darker ver and the glow from the other ver hide them (aka i forgot to unhide the layer with scars so here we are)

artihunter doodle next

[plantwithoutplot]

2, 6, 17, and 19 for the fanfic asks?

Oooooh thank you for the ask!! You've picked super interesting ones 👀✨

2. Do you read/reread your own fics?

Rarely! The thing is, I do minimum 2 rounds of editing for each chapter, but it often ends up being 4 or 5 rounds. . . ( ˊᵕˋ； ) So after all that, I usually don't wanna see my writing ever again lol

B u t ! I do reread it once in a while, either to remember elements I wrote (and forgot wince then), or to remember why I enjoyed writing a story in the first place! (*´▽`*)❀

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

Y E S !!

I don't have any with which I have been obsessed with yet in the One Piece fandom, but I have a two, from Voltron and BNHA, that I could reread forever!!

Aka be ready for heavy angst becquse that shit is my comfort content ( ´•̥̥̥ω•̥̥̥` )🤧💛

Thirty Days by Storytime23 (Voltron)

The Way You Used To Do by edemah_ruh (Boku No Hero Academia)

17. What's something you've learned about while doing research for a fic?

SO MANY THINGS Σ٩(๑º ﾛ º๑)۶✨

A short list of things I learnt about are: story structures, facts about Otters, bits and pieces of various mythologies, weapons, assassination attempts, more weapons, poisonous gases, sharks, limits of the human body (in terms of survival). . .

Listen. Be it topics I have researched (and then followed through the hellish rabbit hole that is wikipedia 🐌), writing, or what I actually enjoy writing/reading, it has helped SO MUCH!!

Do not look down on the joys of researching a subject for it only to be dropped or abandoned. It may spark new ideas or be a turning point for your writing, even if researching something can look tedious at first 🐟🐟🐟

19. Give us a small teaser from one of your WIPs.

Eheheh greedy much? 👀 or also it is the fact I haven't posted in two months oops my own hubris is the root of the problem again

I don't have anything edited yet to share BUT here is a snippet of the next chapter of Speak Up, Boys!

٩(๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)۶🌊🩷🩵

"See―" The blue-haired one cackled, pointing at the brothers. "Told you it was true!"

"So the Cain Instinct is real..."

Oh, how thankful Rayleigh was not to have kids.

Yes, he did raise the Cabin Boys with Roger and they were like sons to him.

But he was not a father.

He was not a Dad.

Nooooope. No no no. He mentally chanted as he downed the rest of the his rum. Not going there. Not a dad. Never a dad. Nu uh.

[litfeathers]

Behind the scenes of Evelyn's Journal

Since this was a bigger project, I thought I'd make a behind the scenes post to talk about how it came together, and share some easter eggs!

———

Firstly, I want to impress how long it took to record and edit this thing. An almost 15 minute long runtime is a MARATHON! It was a lot of work, but also a lot of fun and definitely worth it!

———

The wanted poster and meetinghouse graffiti are direct references to my fic A Most Certain, Strange, and True Discovery of a Witch. This is the poster Evelyn grabbed on her little vandalism excursion:

———

The frustrated look that Evelyn described Caleb making was this absolute classic:

(the wet cat gene is strong)

———

Evelyn’s bird drawings are a reference to her book of bird sketches from my fic There Are Owls and Witches in These Woods. Her sketch book has been passed down the generations of the Clawthorne family, and is my explanation for why they all have human realm bird palismen! They use her book for ideas! :D

———

Did anyone notice something special or significant about the day Evelyn and Caleb had their picnic? 😏

———

There is an AU where I kept this in /j

———

This is a cut line. I am not sure if this is me talking at the end, or Evelyn lmao

———

...the reason I was watching Elsewhere and Elsewhen in my sound booth? I was listening to Philip’s accent to figure out how Evelyn would imitate Caleb ahahahha

———

If you…let’s say…recognize Evelyn’s cackle?

*Slowly puts her finger on her lips*

Shh. No. No, you don’t. /lh

———

The light spells poofing at the end? That is actually Eda de-transforming from harpy mode at the end of Reaching Out! It was such a nice, clean poof! No background music or dialogue to work around! *chef kiss*

———

If you've read my fics, you can consider this story an alternate ending for There are Owls and Witches in These Woods. Everything up to the week in which this journal was written remains the same. There is a divergence when Evelyn decides she needs to protect Caleb by breaking off their friendship. Let’s just say that evening played out very differently. I'll let you guess and imagine for yourself what happened when Evelyn tried to break things off with Caleb. But I will give you this hint: his wish was very important. 😉

———

This is the sketch I sent @bananadramaaa to show what I wanted for the cover art. Behold my artistic skills:

It was so cool to watch the cover art come to life! It was only the second time I’ve ever commissioned an artist (and first time commissioning something complicated), and it was such a positive experience! If you need art for something and their commissions are open, I HIGHLY recommend them!

(Also we snuck a few easter eggs into the art ehehehe)

———

And it's time for some final thoughts.

I wanted to do something REALLY cool to sort of…I guess serve as a love letter to The Owl House? This show has been an amazing ride, and I wanted to create something as cool as I could to show my appreciation!

I wanted to show my gratitude to this silly, funny, wonderful, heartwarming show for existing. And to thank it for getting me writing and voice acting again. I am so grateful I decided to sit down and watch it last summer. I was lured in with the promise of witches and magic and owls, and ended up with a story that spoke to me so deeply.

Thank you, Dana. Thank you, crew.

And for anyone who made it this far, thanks for checking out my silly recording, and for being interested in my rambling. I hope you had fun!

Seriously. Thank you. 🔥🪶

[arcsin27]

so in slavic legends vampires were reanimated corpses that looked extremely varied, from red bloated monsters to balls of flesh to just a guy. theyd come back and knock on doors, kill livestock, ruin food supplies, shapeshift, cast spells, and yeah suck out blood/life. they were like prankster wizards.

fast forward to the 1700s, austria is movin in on slavic countries (i forget which), and some scientist guy whose name i forget is checking out one of the peasant villages that commonly have these beliefs. well this village is having a vampire problem, people have been dropping dead, everyones in hysterics. scientist guy, being of the age of enlightenment all obsessed with facts and logic, watches the villagers deal with the vampire

he was stunned by what he saw. the body had been dead for a while now, but hadnt decayed at all. there was blood pooled in its mouth. it had an erection (eheheh). when they staked it, blood poured from its face. he wrote back to austria about all this because "what the fuck" yknow?

this was one of the first times the myth of vampires left rural eastern european villages and entered the modern western eye. yeah, a corpse with a boner and blood in its mouth.

my teacher was right, no wonder we have characters like edward cullen nowadays. cant get more on the nose than that

side note: the signs of vampirism are literally just normal decay stages. bloated and blood red skin, blood dripping from mouth, erections... they just didnt know thats what happens to corpses back then so they thought it was a demonic event lol

heres a source, i know it doesnt seem like the most reliable but it lines up pretty well with wikipedia and what was said in the class i attended. the peasant was Petar Blagojević and the austrian scientist guy was Imperial Provisor Ernst Frombald

edit: i swear im not making up the boner thing those sources left it out but this one didnt

[prince-liest]

your orchids are so cool! can we see the entire collection?

I will ABSOLUTELY show more photos of my current hyperfixation, ehehehe, thank you so much! <3 I've moved the cattleya to my eastern windowsill and my dendrobium nobile is chilling in the place of honor on the kitchen counter where my biggest bloomer at any given point in time goes, and one of my violets is also in my bedroom for some pizzazz, but the rest of the orchids and violets/streps are on this plant shelf!

She's a bit tall, so I've added the dendrobium nobile (Angel Moon 'Love Letter,' lovely but mild fragrance!) side by side to avoid stretching the dash too much, haha. I have it lit with Barrina LED lights on timers, and they have a super cozy glow, don't let my camera auto-editing the lighting to be so stark fool you.

The top row is hard to get a good zoomed out pic of because the Oncostele Red Silk 'HOF' flower spike is so damn tall, so I've cut it out of the pic since it's not blooming yet - but soon! This is where I try to keep all my currently-blooming flowers, and the oncidium takes up a ton of space at the moment... and as you may be able to see, the yellow and harlequin phalaenopsis are soon to be losing their blooms! They're both growing new leaves and roots at the moment, and the yellow phal actually has been in bloom on the same spikes for 9 months straight, which is absolutely insane. They're both no ID grocery store plants, which tend to be bred for really prolific blooms!

The second row is currently housing my blooming violet and strep, as well as my two smaller non-blooming streps. The bottom left one is actually a mini, so it will be staying in that small pot forever! One of the huge pros of violets for me is that they don't really exceed a 4" flower pot size ever, no matter if you've had them ten months or ten years.

The mini strep is Fernwood's Silhouette, the larger one is DS Riushele (google this one, the blooms are a deep purple and super frilly!), the violet is Frosty Cherry, and the far right strep is Bristol's Mascara!

The bottom row is where I try to keep my currently non-blooming orchids, but the little rescue I found at the store with most of the flower spike snapped off and one measly (and super pretty) flower left made it down there as well for lack of space, haha.

The tallest plant here is a Dancing Lady oncidium orchid that has an amazing and strong fragrance. It used to be in my kitchen and filled the whole kitchen area with its scent in the mornings! The smallest orchid in the clear pot is actually one I kidnapped (with permission) from my program director's office to rehab it, lol. I'll be giving it back once it puts out another flower spike. The big pot on the bottom right has a pure white phalaenopsis that's currently growing a new flower spike for the third time in my care, and it's a flower that my mom gave me, so it holds a special place in my heart!

Then the very top left tiny phalaenopsis orchid is just a little purple grocery store mini that had almost no roots left for a long time. It's flowered twice in my care before I messed up its roots trying to separate it from being double-potted, so I'm very proud that it's now growing a new leaf. And lastly the two violets are Cajun's Queen's Lace (left) and PT Wild Plum (right, post plant surgery).

And that's the orchids and violets! :D I actually have, uh. Checks watch. 41 plants including hoyas, nerve plants, a fiddle leaf fig, and a pothos, not to mention the aquarium garden and the edible patio plants, so this isn't actually all of them, but the rest are elsewhere in the house and aside from the ones I mentioned in the first paragraph aren't in the orchid/violet category!

[devilofthehounds]

God Eater 3 Character Novel | Spinning Bonds: Chapter 3

[image id: A novel cover. Zeke Pennywort from God Eater 3 stands with his back to the viewer, his scarf billowing in the wind. Overlaid within the scarf is an image of a young Zeke with his four brothers, smiling happily. The text, when translated into English, reads “God Eater 3 Character Novel | Chapter 4: Zeke Edition | Spinning Bonds”. /end id]

This is a fan translation. Original text here.

Masterpost 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

For a while after that, we spent our days as part of the base.

Using the safe routes that the peddler showed him, Saul made daily expeditions in the trailer to sell valuable goods that Rhys picked out.

Today, he was taking Keith with him to a nearby settlement to set up a market stall.

The rest of us stayed behind at the base, enjoying some peace and quiet for the first time in a while.

"...And that's it. That's how you play poker. With me so far?"

"Yeah... Kinda."

We were sitting on the rooftop. Rhys was teaching me how to play cards.

"So, this is the strongest hand. Four cards of the same number plus a joker, making five cards."

Spade. Heart. Diamond. Club. And the most powerful of all: the joker.

Rhys arranged the five cards, this particular set being aces.

"Huh, so this is the strongest... Five of the same type. Hey, just like us!"

"That's right. The strongest hand symbolizes the strongest bond... I like the sound of that."

Rhys smiled. But then—

"Rhys! Zeke!"

Neal came up from downstairs.

"What's up, Neal? Huh... What's that?"

Perched on Neal's fingertips was a butterfly with the most amazing wings I'd ever seen.

"It came through the window just now! Can I keep it?"

Neal's eyes shined with excitement as he spoke, a rarity for him.

Though it looked like it could fly away at any moment, the butterfly stayed still, looking quite comfortable on Neal's finger.

"Alright, Neal, you can keep it. But don't let it run loose! I don't want to find bugs all over the house!"

"Aw... Why not? They're all so cute."

Neal brought his hand out of his pocket to reveal several spiders, happily crawling about.

"Gah! Why would you put those things in your clothes?! Gross! Get rid of them!"

When I said that, Neal's eyes narrowed.

".........Fine."

The next moment, Neal threw the swarm of spiders at me.

My high-pitched scream echoed throughout the base.

I ran outside, desperately shaking out my clothes to get rid of the spiders, which had somehow gotten on my back. At the same time, Saul and Keith pulled up in the trailer.

"We're back! ...Huh? Zeke, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not crying! Neal, he—he..."

I turned around. Through my tears, I could see Neal on the rooftop, snickering. Next to him, Rhys waved down at us, clearly exasperated.

"Alright, what happened? Are you two fighting again? Be sure to make up with each other later, got it?"

As he climbed out of the passenger's seat, Keith was snickering, too.

"We're home!"

"Hey, Keith, welcome back! Did you find anything interesting?"

"Mm-hm! Check it out!"

Keith held up an old robot toy with three drills on its arm.

"Keith was amazing. He took this broken toy and used some parts that were lying around and got it working again."

Keith flipped a switch, and the robot's drills started spinning.

"Whoa! So cool! Did you really fix it all by yourself?"

"Eheheh..."

"Looks like Keith has a talent for tinkering with machines. ...You know, Dad always used to say, 'If you give your all to master your chosen craft, then that can only increase your odds of survival.' Maybe Keith just proved him right."

"Dad said that...?"

"Yeah; it's what he left behind... But if you really like machines, Keith, you should give it a shot. Who knows; it may come in handy one day."

"Yeah... Yeah! I'll do it! I'll remember those words!"

Today was just full of rare expressions, wasn't it?

It was the first time I'd ever seen Keith so happy.

"Well, anyway, gather round, everyone. I've got a bit of an interesting story to tell."

At Saul's request, the five of us convened.

"I heard this from the people at the settlement we stopped at today. Apparently, there's a Port ship making the rounds in this area... to try and take kids to safety."

A Port. If I remembered right, it was a new type of base that started getting built after the Calamity.

I'd heard it was supposed to be safer than a satellite base, and that God Eaters were deployed to protect the people who lived there.

"I'm thinking of making contact with the ship. If we can strike a deal with a Port, we might be able to get some protection. Even if we can't, we might be able to get supplies delivered to the base. This could be our chance."

My eyes lit up, hearing such news.

But for some reason, Saul looked troubled.

"But... it sounds pretty fishy. From what I've heard, it's only young kids that get taken in. I've even heard word of parents being separated from their own kids."

"Huh...?"

"I don't know the details, but we shouldn't let our guard down. Still, if we can establish a connection with the Port, we'll be able to rest easy for the time being. I don't want to miss this opportunity."

It was a new hope, one I never could've imagined.

Perhaps our journey together was nearing its goal.

"Hey, Saul. The Port's protected by God Eaters, right? Then... why don't we become God Eaters?"

I'd heard that even kids could become God Eaters.

The ultimate warrior that could defeat Aragami. With that kind of power, there'd be nothing to fear.

Plus, if even one of us became a God Eater, we'd have an easier time getting the Port to protect our family.

"I bet I could—"

"No way."

It was rare for Saul to speak so harshly.

"...Look, Zeke. I know you just want to protect our family. And hearing that makes me really happy. But becoming a God Eater is off the table."

"But why?! I'd be super strong, I know it!"

"And after you get strong, then what? You'd spend your days doing nothing but fighting Aragami, never knowing when you might die. ...We're not aiming for a battlefield. We're aiming for safety."

Saul knelt down, looked me in the eye, and gently ruffled my hair.

"We five brothers are one. ...We don't let anyone cross a rickety bridge alone. Alright?"

"...'M sorry."

When it came to taking risks, the five of us had to stick together. I knew that.

But in reality, it was always Saul and Rhys crossing those rickety bridges to protect us.

It was about time I protected my brothers, too.

"I hope you understand. Now, let's get that cargo unloaded! All together now!"

Although Rhys patted me on the head and told me not to worry about anything, it still felt like he was treating me like a little kid, so I couldn't really cheer up.

Midnight, that same day.

As the sky began to turn white, I suddenly woke up and realized Neal wasn't in his bed.

I snuck out so I wouldn't wake anyone. After searching for a while, I found Neal crouched in a corner of the base, hugging his knees.

"Neal! What are you doing outside this late? Wait... Are you... crying?"

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Seeing Neal quietly shedding tears, I quickly knelt down next to him.

Laying at his feet was the butterfly from earlier.

"Is... Is it dead?"

"I put it in the container properly, but... when I went to check on it, it was already..."

Neal's eyes were red and puffy as he stared at the butterfly's unmoving body.

"You've been crying out here this whole time...?"

I'd thought it was just one little insect.

But to Neal, it had been an irreplaceable friend.

"...I'm sorry, Neal. I said some nasty things about your friends."

I sat down beside him and put my arm around his shoulders.

We stayed like that for a while until Neal calmed down.

"...You know, Zeke? I agree with Saul."

"Huh?"

"I don't want you to become a God Eater... I don't want you to go off on your own."

Neal stared at me, his eyes full of tears.

"I want all of us to stay together forever. Keith feels the same way, I'm sure. So please... Don't even think about doing anything dangerous, okay?"

I really was a terrible big brother.

How could I protect my little brother if I was the one making him feel like this?

I was the worst, not even considering my brothers' feelings.

"...You're right. I didn't think about how it'd make you guys feel."

I held Neal's shoulders tightly.

As I shared my body's warmth with his, cold from crying all night, I made an oath.

"Sorry. I won't say anything stupid like that again. We five brothers are one, right?"

"...Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise! I won't leave anyone behind, and I won't leave anyone alone! So, there's no need to cry!"

Neal wiped his eyes. This time, he gave me a small smile.

I wanted to be able to help my brothers, too. That feeling rang true, but... in the end, maybe my brothers were right. I was being too hasty.

What I should do. What I could do. I was so close.

I had an important mission: to protect the bonds between us brothers.

[riveriafalll]

Oh also for the Harry Potter and the Job he should have gotten fic I was wondering how you decided on the romantic pairings cause a couple of them are different from nttd & I was curious as to whether there was anything thematic about them as well/ why this version of them would work well

hope you're having a good day, apologies for the barrage of asks haha

🍁anon

Oh! The romantic pairings weren't actually my idea - my beloved beta @once-and-future-fandoms who is more moral support than editing help ehehehe, kinda fell in love with nttd!Theo and Pansy, and really shipped Harry and Theo (notter canon was written across the doc a lotttt), and they also adored Panmione canon (actually they wanted thronmione canon, Theo/hermione/ron/pansy, but I needed to do otherwise for plot)

Since NTTD had already established its main pairings, and id tagged half of them, I couldn’t add in the canon Once wanted for NTTD, so I decided to write a fic specifically with those pairings. When I’d decided that, I then needed an actual plot - the summary was actually what came to me first, usually I struggle massively with summaries and write the fic first, but here, the summary occurred to me first.

Personally, I think that Harry is over his Draco crush - he definitely had one, and it was a big part of him understanding his bisexuality (that’s a lie, he still doesn’t), but Theo is such an enigmatic character, who is kind and understanding but fiery and incredibly smart and just a hint of arrogance, that Harry is drawn to him.

For Pansy and Hermione, Hermione is still crushed over losing Ron, despite knowing it was for the best and being half the driving force for the divorce, while Pansy is so sick of being the proper Pureblood wife, that they gravitate towards each other at first to complain about how shitty men are, then the fact that they both were pushed into being the mum friend and the responsible one and finally they realise how similar they are, and that they really get along.

For Draco, I’m writing his marriage with Astoria to be of utter devotion. He adored his wife, he thought that she was the most beautiful, elegant, strong, fierce woman in existence, and he worked hard every day to be the husband and the man that she deserved. Even six years after she’s died, while he isn’t stuck in grief or dealing with it unhealthily, he’s still so in love with her that the idea of anyone else is impossible. Dracos story is about finding friends, rather than love, and that despite what people say, his children don’t need a new mother.

Never worry about asking lots of stuff at once!!!! Fan interactions really make my day, and I love to hear them!!!

Edit: I thought I posted this???? It was in my drafts, but I could have sworn I posted!!!

[mxddyhero]

Top five Juza cards :3

Chel you have unleashed me now this is truly my final form let's GO

There is no beating this card. I saw this single bloomed card and fell so in love you don't understand. He is so head empty biting onto that lollipop,, it fills my heart with the fuzzies just KNOWING how happy and content he is being able to openly enjoy sweets like that... AND THE BACKSTAGE STORY FOR THAT CARD WAS SO SWEET grabs you-

This was GOING to be no. 1 but I just didn't have the heart to rank it higher so-

Fallen Blood is an event that can be soo personal... every time I read it, I cry fr. Like my man just wanted to be a hero, a true protagonist AND HE WAS THE LAST IN AUTUMN TO GET THE LEAD AND THEY WERE TELLING HIM THAT KIND OF ROLE WASN'T SUITED FOR HIM... AND THE CARD BEING CALLED GIVE ME LIGHT BECAUSE HE WANTS THE SPOTLIGHT AND ALWAYS HAS SINCE HE WAS A KID??? IM CRYIING RN-

Blazing Beachside passion or whatever the fuck the tryouts were called. It was literally the first event I ever played,, I got the juza ssr in my first 10 pull not even knowing who the fuxk he was yet bcs I hadn't read the story and went to bed and saw the gem heist happened and I was SO SCARED BECAUSE I WAS LIKE NO WAIT MY PRETTY GUY- Thankfully I didn't lose him!!! Anyway he looks lovely here (ft. an edit someone on ig made after we were talking about how this shirt is perfect for him I'm so sorry I don't remember their user-)

This is literally one of my fave cards ever. Let me tell u why. First of all,, its an Sr so easier to get (/lh). But also. I have thought waaay too hard about this card so I'm gonna ramble ab it.

So okay right. Mans is constantly stalked and forced by people wanting to fight him, so it stands to reason that his casual outfit (default sprite) would be dark and unassuming so as to not draw more attention to himself and has to be somewhat practical to move in in case he needs to actually run/fight with the people chasing him. The purple jacket isnt that out of place with his hair, so the pop of yellow is really the only colour on his fit but even that kinda goes with with eyes. Yeah, he has his o high uni, but he kinda has to wear that and aside from the jacket it's very much the same as his casual (dark trousers, white shirt). But with this? The first time he's voluntarily worn something colourful and cosy. Granted they're travelling, but like that's even more sad because they're going to a place where no one will know/want to fight him. But he's surrounded by people that he knows care about him too!! Muku, Sakyo, Izumi, Tenma especially. He doesn't have to worry about keeping a low profile, he doesn't have to think about how he'll be able to move in it should he have to resort to running again. He can be COMFY and wear what he wants, no holds barred and he KILLED IT. Like of course he still has his lil jacket around his waist but this is so far removed from any of his other fits at this point in the story and its so cute to me !!! He just looks so happy and at peace !!!

This one's normal again I promise ♡ ehehehe wedding card 🥰 (also camera.. man after my heart FR)

God this got long I'm so sorry...

[kasey-writes-stuff]

MCYT Tickle fic exchange

I got @sleepy--anon <3 /p and I went with the prompt of Sometimes when Sapnap is editing, Dream will just sit next to him on the floor, cross-legged, and start "stealing" little items off his desk until he notices. When he looks at him he gives Sap an "innocent" smile, but as soon as Sapnap takes off his headphones and pushs the chair back he jumps up and runs off giggling hoping he'll chase him 😊

Sapnap was sat editing and Dream was sat on the floor beside his desk criss cross applesauce, Dream began to grow slightly bored and began to slowly steal things of sapnaps desk! Sapnap didn’t even notice at first but after he stole sap’s water bottle that’s when he noticed. So without a word he took his headphones off and quickly pushed his chair back and within seconds Dream took off!

Dream was running as fast as could but giggles bubbling up and eventually out made him slow down involuntarily and so before he could even make it to the back door and to the yard sapnap was able to grab Dream and carry him to the couch, he quickly sat on his waist effectively pinning him down! Dream squeaked as giggles already poured out “EEK sahhahappp!”

Sap smiled happily “What giggling already?” He says sarcastically knowing already how much of an anticipatory giggler dream is “sahhappp yoouuu ahhahallrhehehahhaddyyy knohohowww!” He smirks “yea yea I do! Let’s not make you wait any longer then” He quickly scribbles on Dream’s ribs making Dream wiggle around beneath him as he squeaked before he began laughing softly “EEK SHAHAhahahhapppp!”

Sapnap smiles smugly “yes dreamlee? Too ticklish? Hmm are you too ticklish for the tickly tickles hmm? Well what if I just went right here?” He vibrated his finger tips into the spot where your pits and ribs meet and Dream squealed before falling into full laughter! “EEEEP SAAAPP NOHOHOTT TTTHEHERREHHE!” Sap smirked softly “oh? But this is such a good spot dreamlee!”

“BUT IHIHITTSSS NNHAHAHTTT!” Dream yelled between laughter and sap snickered “oh so should I move then? Maybe to right….” He paused moving his hands to hover over different areas of dream’s body in attempt to drag out things and to keep Dream guessing… Dream giggled residually “sahahppp eheheh” Sap couldn’t help his fond smile as he looks at Dream “what can’t take the anticipation hmm? Too much for you?”

Dream nodded softly smiling sheepishly “mhm” Sap gently ruffled his hair “Alright alright so is there a specific spot you want tickled dreamlee?” Dream blushed softly feeling flustered at trying to think of a spot… “uhm well… I… of you don’t mind… maybe my thighs… and then my tummy and hips..” Dream was blushing beyond belief as he spoke and as he finished, Sapnap was smiling widely grinding his best friend cuter than he could ever believe someone could be “Of course dreamie

He wasted no time as he moved to sit on dreams shins and quickly began scribbling on dreams inner thighs making him squeal as he fell into frantic high pitched giggles “EEPP sahapnahahpp ehehheheheh!” Sapnap grinned smugly in satisfaction loving dreams high pitched giggles “yes dreamlee? Is this good or do you want squeezes instead because I’ll do which ever you prefer” his smug smile turned genuine as he looked to dream awaiting a response, Dream thought about it a bit “thihihiss ihihisss gohohoddd fohohorr nohohoww”

Sapnap nodded “alright just tell me when you want me to switch to squeezing or else just move spots” Dream nodded and laid there giggling happily for a few minutes the scratches were very tickly but also relaxing and to be honest he was keeping things slow for a bit in hopes he could last sapnap’s big finish longer… After another few moments dream begins to speak up “heheheyy sahahapp?” Sap pauses for a few moments “mhm what’s up Dream?” Dream giggled residually at first “cahahnn yoouuu uhuhumm chahhann yoouu… can you go for the big finish… I wanna see how long I can take it this time”

Sapnap nodded “of course dream! You ready?” Dream nodded an excited but nervous smile on his face “I’m ready…” Sap smiled softly “okay then… 3…2…1!” He quickly pushed up dreams shirt to his ribs and began blowing raspberries on his sides as one hand vibrated into his inner thigh and his other squeezed at his hip and even sporadically ran his hand up to where his armpits and ribs met and his very top ribs!

Dream hiccuped before loud laughter began flying out “*hic* EEEE SAHAHAHAPP IHIHITTSSS SOHOHO BAHHAHAAAA NAHAHTT THEHEHE NIHIBBSSS!” Suddenly sap had begun nibbling on dream’s side and tummy causing a surprised shriek for escape him mid sentence, sap smirked softly as he spoke between nibbles and raspberries “Awe can you not take the nibbles? Are they too ticklish hmm? Are they just so ticklish it’s maddening because of how it makes you wanna run away and escape it but yet also you don’t wanna actually get away”

Dream’s face was very very red so red the red began to bleed to his ears and neck he was not good at taking teasing at all despite being very good at dishing them out “SHUHUUTT IHIHITTT SHUUTTT IHIHITT SSHUHUTR IHIHITT!” Sap simply grinned smugly “Oh right teasing makes it so much worse aweee it makes it all tickle sooooo much more and you know what else would make it tickle more?” Dream looked at sap through his nearly mirthful tear filled eyes “WHAHHATTT?!”

Sap’s smirk grew to devious grin as he says “if I focused here” he focused right on the edge of his hip where his hip and thigh met with one hand, “And here” his other hand moved to the back of his thigh “and finally… here and if I sped it all up!” And so his mouth moved to dream’s lower belly! His mouth and hands sped up to full speed! Dream snorted before he fell into silent laughter and after only a minute tears fell down his cheeks making him immediately begin pushing at sap’s head and tapping his arms to signal for him to stop!

Sap quickly stopped and began rubbing the areas to help stop the ghostly tickles, Dream giggled residually as he took in deep breathes “hohohoww lohohonnggg dihihiddd ihihihi lahahssttt?” Sap smiled as he ran a hand through dreams hair “hmm I’m not sure exactly we forgot to set a timer but I think about four minutes? Last time I think it was about three so your stamina has increased by about a minute then but your ticklshness has definitely not decreased! If anything maybe it increased as well!” Dream rolled his eyes as he lightly shoved him before grinning deviously “oh shut up! Say sap has your stamina increased at all…”

Before sap even attempted to answer he was up and off the couch Dream quickly running after him “C’MERE SAPNAP!” “GET AWAY DREAM”

The end