#the fic will eventually make sense but maybe not for like idk 6 or 7 chapters LOL

[motokeith]

contributing to the 2023 klance renaissance by posting bizarre and entirely self-serving fic

[jean-dieu]

6, 7, and 20 ! -Yunessa

Yay! Thank you for these, Yunessa !! <3

6. Which mythic path did they choose and why? Do they regret it?

Lazare: Azata for Lazare and no, he doesn't regret it. While clearly good-aligned and wholeheartedly with the crusaders, Lazare doesn't "fit in" exactly, and he's quick to welcome anyone ready to join their cause no matter who they are.

It's a bit ironic for a commander to be spontaenous, but Lazare is a perfect example of Acting First, Think Later (maybe, if his two brain cells collide). Somehow, it works. Maybe it's the sheer power of his good will and determination, maybe it's something else, but Lazare never regrets the choices he made because even when things don't turn out like they should, he knows he acted in accordance with his heart.

Raphaël: Angel, of course. There weren't many other possibilities for Raphaël beside maybe legend. He did make a few Aeon choices there and there but his faith, his values, his moral compass naturally guided him to the Angel path in the end.

He did regret a bit not accepting Iomedae's offer and gives up on hys mythical abilities as he does feel a bit... Nervous at the idea of telling a goddess no, especially a goddess he has so much respect for.

A worry he quickly sets aside when many celestials actually joined his ranks as it was some kind of divine confirmation he was going what was good, and that Heaven was with him.

Because I like "what if" and alternate AU/Dark AU, I can't help but think of what could (big emphasis on COULD) happen if the Devil mythic path was available while starting Angel. I think that would be interesting (and devastating thank you very much).

Ziel: Ziel's still at the begining of his route so it's a bit early to say if he'll regret things or not.

He started as a Demon despite him, just succumbing to rage and not controlling anything... Which is very scary for a tiefling. Eventually, the trickster path will come to light for him, and he feels happy at first to be able to use his fucked up sense of humour instead of rage for his newfound abilities.

But knowing what awaits a Trickster... Ziel will eventually struggle to keep a sense of himself. As much as he relies on dark humour and sarcasm, there's plenty of things he just can't take lightly. And deep down, he's just a scared child that barely knows what he's doing.

7. Is your KC religious? If yes, which deity do they follow? If not, what is their view on religion?

Lazare: Lazare collects faith in the way that he struggles to find a Divinity that really fits him. He prays Shelyn, Desna and Cayden Cailean. After all, he's a kind free-spirited artist that believes wholeheartedly in freedom and self-determination. Also, beer is cool.

As he was born and raised in a brothel, he has a deep respect for Calistria and her followers, but he doesn't pray her himself.

He never got to learn things "properly" and has his very own conceptions of his Deities' teaching, and while he still understands their philosophy, he lacks the knowledge to fully grasp the extent of their domain.

Post crusade, he will also add Nocticula to his Deity portfolio, as the Reedemer Queen is THE divinity made for him.

Raphaël: Idk, is he?

Jokes aside, OF COURSE he is religious. He has devouted his whole life to Sarenrae, trying desperatly to please her and to follow her principles even when they contradict his natural instinct and way of thinking.

He knows this damn well, and yet, he still thinks Sarenrae's ways are an ideal to strive for. Since he was a child, he dreamed of becoming a priest. As an older teenager, he's "kindly" reoriented (I wrote about it in a small fic there) from priesthood to Inquisition as it's deemed it's just more... Fitting for such an angry individual.

His faith is however bound to change.

Since birth, Raphaël has heard divine voices he and his family thought were from Sarenrae because... Well, who else would it be. He wasn't very vocal about them though, only revealing it to close friends in the church's rank, but he never questioned it.

Later in the campaign (as it's something I've taken from the TTRPG WOTR game I have with friends), as he meets Ragathiel, he learns that the voices weren't from Sarenrae but from the General of Vengeance himself.

It's something Raphaël takes time to process in the sense of it was very unexpected, and it does change quite a lot of things. While he stays an Inquisitor operating under Sarenrae's name, he finally accepts his role as more or less Ragathiel's chosen one, and manages to find some peace as the Angel's principles and teachings match his more than Sarenrae's.

Ziel: Ziel was raised an Abadarite. His father was a cleric, and he has been involved in te church's life during his childhood. He was quite disinterested in it, mostly just following his dad around, not caring too much about Abdar's principles as a whole but not rejecting them either.

When his father is accused of corruption, Ziel finds the whole trial suspicious, and is persuaded in his father's innocence, as he feels like his father was way too faithful to commit such a crime. Cast aside and excluded from their own circle, Ziel witnesses his mother leaving them both and never coming back, and his father turning to alcoholism to cope with the shame.

Seeing his father in such a state deeply angered him, and he hold Abadar responsible for his father's state, thinking it's completly unfair he didn't do a thing to protect his father who is and has always been a honest man. He will now gladly spit on Abdar's name, not even caring of repercussion as it's his father that matters, not himself.

As a teenager and as he begins to start stealing to support his father that can't find work with his reputation, he's introduced to Calistria by fellow thieflings and eventually converts, determined to seek revenge for his father, wanting to clear his name.

As he grows up, and as he becomes a hardened thief, parts of him feel less and less angered at Abadar, to the point of him sneaking in one of his temple at night just to pray for his father's solace.

20. Which event of the crusade traumatized them?

Answered there!

[thursdayinspace]

20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @thatfragilecapricorn30 @randomfoggytiger and @baronessblixen thank you!! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 70.063 -- this is my new AO3, so that's why it's still so low, haha.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only X-Files now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? spectacular (glasses sex!), it's the day the world didn't end, from this morning forward (that makes me so happy), got you covered, wild side

5. Do you respond to comments? yes. if I ever don't, I'm sorry, it's not because i didn't love your comment, but i just don't get around to it right away sometimes. but i try to reply to every single one because i love them all.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ohhh. i don't write super angsty endings . . . I guess mend into pieces bc it's season 2 and they know they're making a mistake, but we all know they'll figure it out eventually, so.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? they pretty much all end happily. i'm going to more or less randomly pick five ways to say i love you. because i loved writing that ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? so, okay. there are two stories here i want to tell from an old fandom. one is funny. one is kind of great, really?

the funny one: i got a looooong comment on a fic, like several paragraphs long, going into great detail about why the fic sucked and why i sucked and why i had personally offended them by writing fic at all. they obvs meant to comment anonymously but forgot to log out. by the time i got to my computer, they had deleted their entire account. of course i had their name in the ao3 email. i laughed so hard at that.

the kind of amazing one: i got a very rude anon on tumblr, and i responded by saying i'd be happy to discuss their criticism, but i wasn't going to have a conversation with a hockey puck with sunglasses, and asked them to come off anon so we could talk. and they did! they showed up in my dms a short while later. we solved nothing and did not part as friends, but i actually have mad respect for that. wherever they are today, i hope they have taken some anger management classes and are doing well!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yeah, i certainly do. idk what kind? the porny kind? lol no i mean it's kind of lame but fun.

10. Do you write crossovers? i wrote a stargate atlantis/firefly crossover centuries ago but that was it. or maybe start trek with sth else, i don't remember.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't think so, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! it's so much fun and i would do it again.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? mulder and scully!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plan to finish all of them.

16. What are your writing strengths? it used to be dialogue but i don't think it is anymore. idk? i think i can create an atmosphere?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i tend to repeat myself a lot and then skip over other things completely. i'm not good with transitions between scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't done it, but if it would make sense for a fic, i might do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? stargate atlantis. i was very late to the fanfic party.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? it's called 'ellipsis' and is still with the beta. but of the ones i've already posted, either from this morning forward or yesterday's future.

Randomfoggytiger added additional questions:

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life? i mean it's a hobby but it's definitely also a way of life. there isn't ever a time when i don't think about writing and everything all the time connects in some way to a thing i'm writing and i can't imagine what i'd do without writing.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript? completed manuscript! or notes? uhh . . . both?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration? everything. random things. i can't think of one specific thing, it can be literally anything.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing? both thoughts are equally awful lol

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective? yeah, i think so. not in any big way, but about smaller stuff, just the way i look at certain things? yes.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN? ao3!!! my tinkerbell brain loves the comment section, haha. also it's just so much nicer to read on ao3 and there's the download option, so also as a reader, def ao3.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it? 70.063 - no, i'm not satisfied with it. i used to write multi-chapters with more words. but it's a new account so yeah starting small again.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably? jasper fforde's 'thursday next' series. it's where i stole my name from. literary detectives? oh man. it's the kind of story where you wish you'd had the idea first. go read it!!!!!

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it? i am really really lucky to have been given so many amazing compliments and i appreciate every single one. i couldn't say what means the most to me . . . probably when it's personal to the commenter? when someone tells me sth i've written touched them in some way. bc that's what i want to achieve.

10. What defines your writing style? lol idek man pretentious purple prose? i think i live somewhere between overuse of metaphors and focus on the rhythm of a text. i love writing in english bc it flows so nicely. idk is trying to make it sound nice a style bc then that's at least what i'm going for.

who hasn't been tagged? no pressure tags for @backintimeforstuff @nachosncheezies @actual-changeling and everybody else who wants to!

[charleslelurk]

Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2024

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 23

2. Word count posted for the year: 240k

3. Fandoms I wrote for: F1 RPF (and One Direction but I am keeping this to just F1 writing)

4. Pairings: Max/Charles, Carlos/Lando, Charles/Carlos, Lando/Max F, Lando/Max V, Max/Daniel

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Drunk Myself Down (298)

Bookmarks: Erosion (235)

Comments: Erosion (48 comment threads)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): I think the fic I worked on in 2024 that I am most proud of... might be one that is not posted yet. Dare I say. So for the sake of this evaluation, I am going to say Erosion because whenever I read any part of it back, I am really just dumbfounded by the fact that I wrote it. Like... I did. But I do not feel that I am actively being the caliber of author who pulled of Erosion, if that makes any sense. The prose and metaphorical language my brain made for Erosion feels like something that I can't just tap into at any time, like somehow something else inhabited my body while writing that fic. We'll never know how I managed it.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): It's not that I am not proud of it, but I can see now how much more potential Four Week Wedding had if I had given it more time, but alas I cranked that puppy out in one afternoon and hit post. Sometimes, you just need to let the brainworms be free, whether they are perfectly polished or not.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: It has to be Bee's reaction to One Glimpse of Relief. I cried real tears over Bee's messages on discord after Bee read it. I was straight up distracted for hours by rereading the comment they left on the fic and the messages, like maybe nothing compares to bringing your friend so much joy that their joy moves you to tears? Idk though.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: All across November I was suffering™️ because that is always the worst month of the year for my joint disorder, as well as the absolute lack of sunlight in the northern hemisphere. I still did manage to write during those months, but even November to now is like night and day as far as how much motivation and energy I have to write.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: I learned a lot about myself and my writing through the kink prompts. Mostly because I tried to write kinks and tropes that I was scared to, like I almost posted that prompt list with only 20 items because I wasn't sure there were another 10 in the generator I was really comfortable and capable of writing, but then I did write things that scared me and got positive responses and even some new insane brainworms from it so it was a cool experience. I think I suffer from constant "what if I don't pull of whatever I am trying to do in my writing and then it's embarrassing" disease so it's always scary to write a dynamic or situation for the first time, but I tackled some of the things I was scared to write through the kink prompts (Side note, there are still four prompts in my inbox I want to eventually get to, but I needed to write some longer form stuff for a bit and work on my WIPs)

More under the cut.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is from In the Silences because I am a sucker for star imagery.

"Do you–" Lando hiccups. "Do you think I fucked up too much?" Carlos can read between the lines. He knows what Lando is asking. Carlos tips his head back and looks at the stars, ample in the sky. They hang above him, millennia old. He envies them. They don't have to deal with emotions or heartbreak. They just get to exist and shine, to bring joy to people millions and trillions of miles across the galaxy.  Carlos supposes what Lando did really is inconsequential compared to all of that. Miniscule, in fact, to the grand scheme of things. 

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: Well, I started writing again. After spending tens of thousands of dollars on a creative degree I let get dusty for 5 years, I finally started writing again. Even if it has largely been F1 RPF. But that's like sort of a big deal. To me.

But also, I hadn't written smut for... a decade before this year. I was so scared to be bad at it, that I just gave up even when I was still writing fic before my great writing hiatus. And you know what? I fucking love writing it, and it's so fun. I'm really glad I got over myself.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I don't want to put pressure on myself to write another 200k+ words next year but it would be pretty cool to write even more next year than I wrote this year.

But I also want to continue to challenge myself to write unique stories. I want to write more canon compliant, chaptered fic and challenge myself to write race sequences and strategy. It scares me because it always feels like there is something else to learn about F1 and someone always knows more than me, so it will be embarrassing for someone to catch mistakes if I am to write races, but I should just do it.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): Dare I say... Lando? His inability to filter and the way he wears his heart on his sleeve just got my writing gears turning again and again and again.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Um is this a good time to mention that a number of the less insane moments from Borderline of a Bad Idea are straight from the homoerotic situationship I was in my freshman year that briefly ruined my life? Like, my situationship got insanely jealous when I started to have a thing with a guy (pause for laughter, yes I am gay now, but I thought I was bi then), and we slept in the same dorm bunk on multiple occasions... yeah. I can't speak on it too much without revealing more about the plot of the fic but Carlos and Lando's initial shenanigans and tension is highly inspired by my own college experience.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: I'm sorry to say it but... writing an outline does help. I'm being so for real. When I get an initial idea, I write whatever scene is in my head. But then... I have to figure out how the characters got to that point. Whether it be physically or emotionally, there is a lead up and ramifications of whatever that brainworm is. And that has to get figured out. So you better make a bit of an outline. Legit all of my fics that aren't one shots have an outline. Sometimes more specific than others but that outline helps no matter what.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I am obviously looking forward to finishing Borderline of a Bad Idea. It's going to be insane. But I also have a WIP I started over the summer that I am slowly working on that will be... hopefully my best work yet when it's posted. Fingers crossed. I need it to leave people in shambles, I want to make readers cry. And then I am working on a fic for the Carlando Winter Break Exchange and I am very excited about this fic. It's very... different in certain ways. But the different is good (I hope). Those are probably the next three substantial fics I will be posting, but after that I don't know for sure. There is something like 8 fics on the docket, but who knows how many of those will see the light of day or not.

[raylaui]

A Masterpost? In this economy?!

You can call me ray!

Sona ref

Mostly posting turtles right now but I'm also a fan of Destiny 2, Treasure Planet, Jak & Daxter, & Star Wars

This is my art blog. Likes, most reblogs, and follows are from my main -> tumblr.com/controlled-spontaneity

Please note! While the only things I post and engage with are wholesome family stuff and some action/angst, * I am an ADULT *

Proship/t-cest DNI !!! You're NOT welcome! Respect the boundary and see yourself out ! >:[

Jak and Daxter Comics - Masterpost

Destiny 2 Masterpost - Coming Soon

***

Teenage Mutant Ninja Neko

- My own TMNT iteration - Basically TMNT what What If ... Cats! -

Prologue : 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

Chapter 1 : Coming Soon

***

Rise of the TMNT - under the cut below

- - -

RoTTMNT inspired Playlists

Paint the City Green

Raph - Donnie - Leo - Mikey - April - Casey Jones - Casey Junior

- - -

RayLaui on AO3

Post ROTTMNT the Movie fics (All in the same AU)

The Echo or The Answer? (completed)

Common sense said the stages of grief were coming in the wrong order. Common sense said that the Krang trapped there was ruthless in revenge as he was in conquering worlds. Common sense said that after two days there was little left to hope for. Common sense said it would be wise to let this go, let Leo go and honor his memory by living a good life. The very thing Leo sacrificed everything for.

But Leo wasn’t common. And neither was Mikey.

Mikey would rip apart the universe for his family. No matter what it cost.

-> Playlist

-> Art : 1 - 2 - 3 - comic - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

But Who Will Carry You? (in progress)

Finally, Raph thinks, they can settle and stay away from danger for a little while. But you can't plan for what your enemies are up to. And you can't control which wounds heal, and which ones are permanent.

AKA: Raph and Donnie face the lingering consequences of what it means to be under Krang control.

-> Playlist

New Strain on the Block (COMING SOON)

April gets mutated? Baby turtle OCs and reluctant Dad Draxum? More likely than you think.

Colors in the Sky (Coming Soon-ish)

Leoichi friends to enemies to friends to ???? Leo and Yuichi have to make a reluctant journey together to find a cure before it's too late.

Constellations of the Colossus (Coming ... eventually)

Rise Space Arc. Because reasons.

Do Not Mourn the Butterfly Weed : An OC centered fic 17 years AFTER the movie idk maybe this will be something

- - -

Turtles & Co. refs (in my syle)

Raph - Donnie - Leo - Mikey - April

Splinter - Draxum

?? - ?? - ?? - ??

ROTTMNT oc's

Nike (Andonika) - Spike

Lyko - Aria - Arbu

- - -

[partly-cloudyskies]

tagged by @big-meows always happy to talk about mah storeez

How many works do you have on AO3?

29. seems like a lot, where does the time go?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

630,542 where??? time??? go??????

3. What fandoms do you write for?

lessee we got ur ducktales, ur gundam with from mercury, night in the woods, amphibia, outer wilds, xcom and deltarune. man i really forgot about that single xcom fic i wrote. i really did intend to write something in that fandom. i still might maybe idk

4. Top five fics by kudos?

There Will Be No Dancing i've always been really happy with this one. i feel like I really caught the energy of the characters. i'm glad people seemed to catch that energy y'know

Hypothesis i wrote this almost immediately after deltarune came out i think it was like the 2nd one with that pairing and i always kind of felt like it got kudos mostly cuz it was so early. i mean it's not bad but idk, i think it just got out the door early and that's why it got attention. my favorite part is the bit with berdly

Under the Shadow of the Snack Falcon the first fic i posted when i started writing fanfic again after, like, over 20 years. i'm glad it's in the mix

Orbits imo this is my most, like, technically accomplished fic. in terms of structure and theme and that. there's another outer wilds fic i wanna write. been sitting on it for a while. hope i get to it someday!

Rite of Spring my night in the woods magnum opus (that i completed, sorry glass factory). i named it after the stravinsky ballet. i felt like it was thematic, idk. i really had fun writing for lori

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try to. i mean people make a stink about comments being important so i try to reply to the ones i get, even if it's something innocuous like 'thx for reading!'

some fics i don't respond at all and it's usually cuz of any number of badbrain circumstances i am under at the moment. always feel a lil bad about that. not enough to make a stink of it, bad in the sense that you see a banana that you left out too long and now it's all brown and mushy. that kind of bad

well, all any of us can do is try

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the view from mars, i suppose? or maybe it's monument. or quests! i kind of liked quests.

view from mars is kind of a bog standard teen crush melodrama, but i liked writing the girls from amphibia so i thought i'd give it a try. would like to do another amphibia story someday.

monument is an outer wilds fic, so everyone dies (spoilers i guess) and it's about, like, your work outliving your life and then even your work eventually disappears and then what's left? and maybe asking what's left isn't even the right question. you know. existential stuff. play outer wilds

quests is me indulging myself cuz i have a thing for pairings where one half is gonna have to take care of the other half and like, is lena really up for that and what happens when she gets in over her head cuz webby gets in over her head. idk i'm too much of a sap to take this to its angstiest conclusion and it gets resolved p quickly which might make it seem a little pat but the story did what i set out for it to do so i'm cool with it

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

there will be no dancing, probably. it's got a pretty sweet ending. just don't read the stories in the rest of the series. it's fine it's cool

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not that i've seen. i did see a comment where someone was asking a leading question like they wanted to get into some Discourse but i just ignored it and nothing came of it and we all lived our lives

9. Do you write smut?

ya when the notion strikes. if we're examining the ways characters interact with each other sex is one of those ways and it'd be weird to exclude it over all the other imo

10. Craziest crossover?

i never actually tagged this is how we grow as a crossover huh. but @big-meows was the one to initially conceive of a stardew/ducktales crossover so i ain't taking credit. i guess the only other option is red brithright, my current wip: star wars and witch from mercury

it's not really a crazy crossover tho. they're both sci fi franchises that started in the 70s and prominently feature protagonists with complicated relationships with their parents and have laser swords. kind of an obvious crossover

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of. it's hard to know if i'd care even if someone did. i guess i'd be miffed if someone were making money off of it somehow

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have had requests, never saw if they actually did it but i always said yes

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i've had some beta-ing but idk if i'll ever co-write. i've got a pretty light presence in fandoms so i doubt i'll get involved in anything more collaborative then, like, prompt weeks

14. All time favourite ship?

idk man i mean i wouldn't devote days of writing to any ship unless they were my all time fave to some degree. weblena's always gonna have a place, sulemio is the new hotness but i think there's something enduring in it. i'll always have a soft spot for barrisoka

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i like to think i'll finish all wips eventually. yes i know that's dumb but i still like to think it

16. What are your writing strengths?

idk i like to think i'm p okay at juggling an ensemble. like when there's a lot of characters and giving them all a little moment to characterize themselves. even if it's just a single line. i hope that comes across. and i love to have a sense of place, like an environment that feels authentic. i love a good place and want others to feel like they can see it. who knows if that works

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i think i tend to get bogged down in details to the point where i have to step back and ask myself if i've lost the thread of the story. like i'll get preoccupied with how characters get from point a to point b when that shit don't matter

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

don't think i've ever done

19. First fandom you wrote in?

starcraft. used to be part of a writing group that did varying degrees of starcraft. all ancient history by now

20. Favourite fic you've written?

hm. probably there will be no dancing. like yeah again i feel like i was pretty on for that one. punchy and funny and written deep in the perspective of the pov character. i really do wish i could keep that kind of writing for long projects! but alas

if you see this feel free to do your own!

[variousqueerthings]

Johnny and ADHD

alright, I’ve wanted to write something about ADHD Johnny for awhile now.

Waaay back in February @deliciousbananavoidpurse made this post and I made some haphazard additions, but now, at last, I ramble!

This isn’t really an addition to that list so much as a... idk, seeing it from an almost fic-but-kind-of-meta point of view. Those points In Practise, with an additional young Johnny.

1.

Johnny’s a kid. He and his mom have been living hand-to-mouth for as long as he remembers, in and out of schools, in and out of apartments and cars. Of course he’s going to be flighty, spaced-out, unfocused.

He’s an easy target – not very big (he doesn’t get a lot of good meals), dirty clothes, and… weird. He gets beaten up sometimes, but mostly he sticks as much to himself as he can and doesn’t go to school if he can help it. Laura saves up and gets him a walkman.

After that it’s like the world doesn’t exist to him at all.

She thinks that’s easier than trying to make him live in it. But he deserves better. They both do. So she makes a decision that changes everything…

2.

Johnny’s not going hungry these days. In fact, he eats constantly, like he’s making up for lost time. His clothes are new and he gets anything he wants. He’s enrolled in school properly.

But Johnny himself doesn’t change much. He’s vibrating with an energy he can’t explain – normal for boys – he skips school, he goes off somewhere in his own mind, struggles with making friends, gets into fights he can’t win, and all day he listens to music. Still skinny, still flighty, still weird.

Tries new things that become all-encompassing for him and drops them one day to the next – normal for boys, all normal for boys – and then -

3.

Johnny sees those boys: Tall, broad, leather jackets, rad bikes, shining, beautiful. He watches them through the window for hours, transfixed in a way only riding his bike and listening to music used to do. 

He joins Cobra Kai.

And finally, like a dam breaking, he focuses. He focuses like he’s a machine. Like nothing else matters. He takes everything happening at home, every beating he ever took, every failing grade (he tries, but school never manages to matter – the other Cobras help, simply by being there and sometimes especially Bobby forces him to sit down and write a paper, but he’ll never be smart, that’s fine), and he puts them into his fist.

He trusts Kreese to tell him what to think, what to feel, what to do. Finally, finally, everything makes sense. It’s just him and his body and someone he trusts telling him what to do with it. 

Nothing else matters.

4.

There are other things that matter. 

He’s getting his life in order so he can leave Sid’s and take his Mom with him. He’s going to be the right kind of boyfriend to Ali. He’ll do well enough in his final year to make up for the previous ones, and he’s got karate, and Kreese, who’s telling him he’s the champ. 

Who he can trust.

But he gets into trouble, he drinks, his grades continue to slip, and suddenly (or is it gradually, he can’t tell with time sometimes) Ali is telling him he’s changed – angry, volatile, forgetful, (okay he was always forgetful, but it’s getting worse – is karate the only thing he cares about?), but it’s fine, he can fix that too. He just has to change everything that doesn’t work. If he can be that good at karate, it just means he’s not trying hard enough everywhere else. Just needs to try harder.

Just. Easy. He has a plan. He has a hundred plans.

5.

It all blows up in his face and suddenly he’s faced with the truth: that there really is nothing he’s good for. Karate? What’s that ever gotten him? What else has he got to show for it? 

He’s still just the same kid he was – alright, he’s bigger, babes will stop and check him out, he’s learned how to charm people if he has to, but those are just scripts and they don’t work for long if he doesn’t have anything else to back them up and they bore him - they bore him in ways he thinks have gotta be different to what everyone else means when they say they’re bored. 

He doesn’t have a plan. He has a hundred plans. He doesn’t have anyone to tell him what to do. He doesn’t know what to do. He knows what to do.

He drinks more. What does it matter, he’s young, life’s short, there’s nothing he can learn now (and really, if you know a couple of things you can scrape by – when they turn off the lights he knows he forgot to pay the bills, when he gets arrested he knows he fucked up and let his emotions get away with him), and before he knows it it’s 2002.

6.

His mom dies. Robby is born. Someone smarter than him could figure out some kind of poetic meaning behind that, but he’s not smart, so he just lets the moments pass him by like everything else has passed him by.

He’s getting by with what he knows. The world outside is like a blur. He’s got what he’s always had: music, a car, his looks. He’s doing okay for someone in his mid-thirties who doesn’t know how to boil spaghetti and drinks first thing in the morning.

 Probably all the fighting. He kept it up, informally. Maybe because it’s too deep in his bones for him to let go of, even if it just reminds him over and over that he couldn’t take it. That he can’t take it.

He fights whenever it all gets to be too much and even the drinking doesn’t work. Sometimes he punches walls to fight himself. It’s like a sharp feeling that he can’t ignore that can only be silenced with fighting. The off-button.

7.

2017 (again, the past is a blur. 2017? what happened to thirty-five? What happened to being young? Someone who’s young is allowed to be like this, but he’s…)

He never owned a computer. He never learned new words or anything else that wasn’t immediately important. He makes a handshake deal, because his credit is shit, but also because he never figured out how contracts really work. He still struggles with bills (you can leave anything to the last minute and beyond and things can still turn out okay), struggles with communication. His old scripts don’t work any more and he can’t learn new ones. He’s forgotten enough promises he made to watch Robby’s matches or drive him to school – even his birthday sometimes, even when he writes it down and forgets where he wrote it down - that Robby wants nothing more to do with him. Forgets groceries. 

He’ll do or say something and people will look at him like he’s stupid and he doesn’t know why. He refuses to ask, because he just wants the looks to go away. He knows he’s stupid. He knows he can’t figure things out. He knows, okay? Shut up.

He’s not an alcoholic. He just drinks to wake up. To forget. To calm down (that electricity that existed in his body as a kid never went away, even though he’s so so tired. The machine inside of him that won’t shut off without a fight, won’t let him stop moving). To sleep. To drink. To do something.

He sees Miguel and has a hundred new plans. He sees the future like it’s right there and a million miles away. He was never good at implementing long-term plans. He thinks maybe karate can save him, just like it did when he was a kid. 

8.

There’s something wrong with his brain. Has been all his life. That’s not how he was told, he was given a bunch of tests and gently informed – undiagnosed it can lead to some of the problems you’ve had, it’s normal, it’s okay – like he’s dying of cancer. But that’s the gist of it. He didn’t fuck up because he didn’t try hard enough, he was always going to fuck up. That doesn’t make him feel better.

It means quitting the alcohol is gonna fail. It means he really is stupid. It means he could’ve never been the kid his mom needed. It means he was easy for Kreese to manipulate. It means Robby could be fucked up too and he’s failed him again. It means he’s not worth the time and pain that people invest in him, like his mom, Ali, Shannon, Robby, Bobby, Miguel, Carmen, Daniel -

“Hey.”

It means he’s got Emotional Dysregulation. Translated: he’s the kind of man who has to work extra hard not to cry (explains why he was such a pussy as a kid. Also explains all the pain in his chest and throat right before roughly... 70% of his most recent fights). And fuck, he just failed.

“What?” Anger is better. It’s also a dysregulation apparently, but it’s better than being weak.

“It’s okay,” says Daniel, and of course he’d think that – he’s never seen a nameable problem he didn’t wanna fix, but didn’t you hear LaRusso, you can’t fix this. Never could. 

“It’s not about fixing,” answers Daniel. “It’s about understanding. It’s about knowing who you are. If you know who you are, you can make a choice.”

“What kinda choice do I have?”

Daniel shrugs. “You chose to take in Miguel. You chose not to fight me, more times than I chose to fight you in the last couple of years. You chose that you wanted to know who you were. And you chose to try being sober. Those are all good decisions in my book. Anything else… we can figure things out from here. Trust me.”

He places a hand on the back of Johnny’s neck, grounding him. Daniel has that power. The power to make everything okay for a second. 

Johnny thinks: Please tell me what to do. I was always okay once you gave me something to do. Like karate. Figuring things out is… too abstract. Eventually though, he knows, if he’s patient, Daniel will tell him what to do next. 

He just has to trust him.

9. (Extra: things Johnny does, because of the brain he has)

Johnny trusts easily, despite it all. He’s honest (and sometimes too literal). He’s passionate. He’s driven. He’s loving. He feels, so so much. He’s protective and he’s loyal. He tries his hardest, even when everything – including his own brain – refuses to help. He believes in second chances for others (and he’s beginning to believe in it for himself). He’s good with kids when he lets himself be. He’s learning to be gentle with himself and others. He’s learning that bravery takes many shapes. He’s learning that he can learn, and he’s learning what he needs for that to happen. He’s a good mentor. He’s learning to be a better friend. He’s kind. He’s honourable. He’s trying to rectify his own mistakes, and he’s trying not to let the mistakes of others continue to impact his life. He’s moving forwards.

[btsandvmin]

Ask: Reply - 2021.03.25

Time to go through some of your asks! I am glad you seemed to like the new format and I’ll keep it up for now. (If you have any suggestions for improvement feel free to comment.) I got a lot this time and with pretty varying topics, so it took a while for me to write this even if it still seems pretty sloppy. I also got two asks I just answer briefly but didn’t want to include due to the topics. Anyways, let’s get to it. :)

Topics:

Ask 1 - Anon share about shipping Ji/hope and becoming a Vminie Ask 2 - Reasons to ship Vmin and no leaks of a relationship (+ rumors ask) Ask 3 - Stress over my analysis “making people delusional” Ask 4 - Tae/kook and Ji/kook being big ships (+t/k shippers ask) Ask 5 - Not enjoying a bond because of it’s shippers Ask 6 - Vmin videocall while getting make-up. Ask 7 - Vmin shaking hands Ask 8 - Wheesa from Mamamoo Ask 9 - Any wholesome fic recs?

(I got a few more left, but the post was getting long, so I’ll save them for next time. I promise I’ll answer them in my next ask post.)

Ask 1 - Anon share about shipping Ji/hope and becoming a Vminie

Hi and thank you for sharing your story, I always find it interesting to read how people found their way to Vmin and in particular if they shipped something else first. Don’t worry about it being long, it was a fun read. :)

I see what you mean with there being “something about Jimin” and I actually think he is so shippable with all BTS members. He truly works so well and is so sweet and cute with all of them. I also think Ji/hope (as many hyung x maknae line ships) is a very underrated ship. And they used to be very big on the fanservice on stage in the early years too so they definitely have some “questionable moments” in that sense as well. 

I think the way Jimin express his love for all his members is amazing and has probably lead to all of them expressing their love a lot more opnely. Think of how Jimin started their tradition of giving gifts for their birthdays for example. Honestly, all BTS ships are good ships but I really think Jimin’s way of being so openly affectionate just makes all his ships very soft and full of love. But yes, more love to Ji/hope please, because they have a lot of great moments. 

It’s interesting how you say you were affected by the platonic label Vmin has. I really think it’s very strong and works very well on a majority of the fandom and on most people that don’t dig a bit deeper and question what Vmin have actually done. That being said, a lot of the surface level things for all ships are great, and I do think you really have to deep dive into a ship to get the more actually questionable moments a lot of the time. And I think with Vmin this hasn’t been done so much, so people might be surprised when they actually do look closer.

I also like how the lipstick moment and the kissing the doll moments made you end up questioning Vmin. For me who has looked at Vmin for so long these were just more examples of things I had already seen, but I am sure many newer fans (just like you did) would react and look twice at these moments. I’ll tell you though, these moments are just barely scratching the surface of questionable things that Vmin have done.

I am glad you like my blog and think the things I say makes sense, though I do want to be clear and say it’s just me guessing and making theories. I am glad they make sense, but I could still be wrong. :P Thank you again for sharing your own story, and I hope you will keep on enjoying Vmin and my blog. <3

Ask 2 - Reasons to ship Vmin and no leaks of a relationship (rumors)

I mean, I think I have shared my reasons to ship Vmin in pretty much every post I have ever done on this blog. There’s a lot of them after all... But if you haven’t already I would suggest checking out my posts 10 Reasons to ship Vmin and 10 more reasons to ship Vmin. 

I stress the point that Vmin could easily be platonic but simply extremely close all the time as well, so we could definitely be reading too much into things. Of course this goes for all shippers (or rather believers, there is a difference after all). I suspect your question might not be about shipping but rather if Vmin could be real and what reasons I might have to think that is possible. You can check my post Shipping vs Believing if you want to know how I view things very differently when it comes to simply shipping and anything that goes beyond shipping).

As for what makes Vmin stand out as more likely compared to other ships I guess the main things I take into account are: The songs, Vmin being careful (including friendzoning and other members’ reactions to them), their sometimes contradicting behavior (like them being soulmates but seemingly being awkward with some things or not being together as much as we might expect etc.), the way they do some very romantic looking things and have increased those behaviors over time and then just a lot of interesting moments and their close relationship in general. Also, soulmates is not a label to underestimate.

As for leaks I think you have to ask the same question for all idols, and all relationships. I mean, how many leaks of any BTS relationship have we gotten? I don’t think the guys have lived in celibate for their whole careers. Not to mention a lot of idols date secretly, and for LGBT+ idols I am sure they would be even more careful. But at the same time people also would likely be less suspicious unless they do something very obvious. I mean, think of all the things we have seen BTS do openly. I also think we have to remember that if it’s something that the fans doesn’t want to know or believe it also is less likely to get spread. For example that an idol they love would be LGBT+... because heteronormativity and homophobia is not to be taken lightly either. I also think you underestimate how many secrets insiders in all entertainment industries are keeping. I am sure many idols are pretty open with their dating to many, but it doesn’t get spread because there is a risk with being the whistle blower as well. Perhaps in particular with exposing someone’s sexuality which could ruin their whole career... And any person trying to ruin BTS’s reputation at this point might honestly get lynched by all of Korea.

I also know some rumors (not about sexuality) even gets pushed away as spread by antis etc. So sometimes even when rumors leak they get shut down. In the end there are a lot of rumors floating around, many that contradict each other as well, but I don’t think lack of rumors has to mean it is impossible for it to be happening. Again, many in the LGBT+ community aren’t even out to their own family and manages to hide that... We don’t know enough about how two members in a relationship would be or how open they would be to begin with. I suspect in the case of Vmin they would be very careful and only a select few would know. 

There could also be leaks, but they don’t reach the mainstream fandom. Like how I learned about the problems and disbandment talk back in the summer of 2018. Some things definitely do get leaked, but it is also very difficult to know if they are real or not until confirmed.

But I do think if a couple is real and they are pretty open with it, eventually they would either be in an obvious glass closet or there would be rumors or even confirmation. Because if a couple isn’t careful to begin with then they clearly risk exposure and likely wouldn’t mind too much to be outed.

It’s definitely a complicated topic, and a whole world we as fans don’t know enough about to even come to any real conclusions. So don’t worry about not knowing, it’s not like we as outsider can easily know how things work as they are likely even different for each company, group, couple, individual etc.

I also want to adress one ask I got but won’t include, about a particular sasaeng rumor ((part of ask: there was news going around by saesung (idk if I spelled it right sorry)...)). I only have two things to say, because I don’t want to spread any of these rumors or want any of you to look for these things.

1. Rumors are rumors, we have no idea what sources they come from and many times they also contradict each other. Often they can be spread by antis of some kind with an agenda to hurt or worry. It’s better to simply pay them no attention most of the time.

2. If the rumors are ridiculous in nature, as the one you asked about, it’s even better to not spread it further. In this case it would go against the personalities of the members and against their own words. It would mean BTS lied to us straight to our faces about something there is no reason to lie about, and thus doesn’t have any reason to happen to begin with. Be open of course, but also think critically. Don’t worry in vain, just try to ignore stuff like this.

Ask 3 - Stress over my analysis “making people delusional”

Thank you a lot @phantomavenger​, your message really soothes me. This is a dilemma I’ve struggled with a lot over the years actually. If sharing stuff and theories about Vmin might not be good, no matter if I am right or wrong. Because if Vmin are together I am basically working to exposing them against their will and if I am wrong I might be a factor in people believing in something that isn’t real, which might end up hurting them. 

I usually end up thinking that maybe it’s better for things to come from me with a more nuanced take than that someone else finds it and it spreads in a more uncontrolled and delusional way right away. If that makes sense? I know this might sound very conceited, but since I know my words are being spread I at least hope to make people understand the importance of not jumping to conclusions and sounding too sure of anything we don’t really know. Again, a lot of ships have believers, and that says something. We should all be careful both for our own sake and for the privacy of the boys. Normalizing delusional behavior is what usually leads to worse and worse things being done “in the name of the ship” as well and I just don’t want that from Vminies. The trickle down effect of people misunderstanding or twisting my words is also a bit scary.  There are also so many shipper at this point that I think most things I point out will eventually likely be pointed out or noticed by someone else anyway, so...

But you are right, I can’t take responsibility for people taking my things out of context or getting convinced even though I try to tell them not to. In the end I write analysis on Vmin because I don’t think anything I find is enough to actually prove anything (this goes for all ships btw). I’ll share my analysis and with it I will also have many reasons on why shipping real people and “knowing a ship is real” is so much more difficult than many seem to think. 

Here’s a sneak peak in case anyone is interested. 

Don’t worry, I’ll try to edit it and make it more concise. Thank you again for your kind words and reassurance. :)

Ask 4 - Tae/kook and Ji/kook being big ships

Hi, and wecome to the fandom! I hope you will enjoy being an ARMY and keep liking Vmin. :3

I answered recently about big ships (Ask: Reply - 2021.03.18 Ask 3 - What makes a ship big?) and I’ve talked about popularity regarding these certain ships before as well in Why do you think Vmin get so brozoned by the fandom?

First I would like to say that “vibes” to me doesn’t really say much... All shippers clearly have their own perception of the members and their dynamics, otherwise everyone would ship the same thing. That being said I think projecting is part of many shippers’ reasons to ship and definitely think it’s part in why JK ships in general are very popular. Not just within BTS but for straight ships as well.

I don’t think there is ever one simple reason for why someone ships something, and same for why they might think a pair is actually together. Me might all have our own reasons for why we like a certain ship. For me all ships in BTS have good enough chemistry and dynamics to be shipped and I don’t think there is anything weird with those ships being popular. Especially since they’ve basically been popular since the start for their own reasons and then simply kept growing.

In short I think these things might play a big part in why some ships get bigger than others:

1. Projecting and falling for a ship similar to your own preference in a relationship 2. Amount of moments, and type of moments. 3. Type of relationship and the fandom view. Some dynamics will draw people in more even if it’s only percieved dynamics and stereotyping. Sexual tension and complicated drama is more “fun” than “friends to lovers” trope. 4. How popular they are. Big ships will grow bigger faster. More exposure and material by fans might make people find big ships easier. 5. Room for analysis. Honestly, if a ship seems “complicated” it might be more interesting to dig deeper into. So when people see analysis of ji/kook or tae/kook they get interested and might get more involved. Basically if analysis are being made it will make people more invested, and for Vmin it’s not that people can’t analyze them, but rather that not many have. So you won’t find as many fans deep diving and looking harder at Vmin compared to many other ships.

Again, ships might be popular for many different reasons, but I don’t think size of a ship really is that important. Just ship and let others ship what they like as well.

I also want to briefly adress an ask I got but that I won’t post, because I got yet another ask about Tae/kook. I’m sorry I won’t include the ask but I definitely agree with your comment to “Look at V as an individual person, not part of a ship”. This should be obvious and apply for all shippers. 

But I do want to say that I don’t think shipping a particular pair is the problem, it’s how you do it. I personally see no problem with shipping anything as long as it only is shipping, which is a fantasy. I ship Chen x Baekhyun from EXO and Chen is married... I simply enjoy their dynamic as a fantasy. Just like how I enjoy characters in a book or movie I am aware it isn’t real. I mostly see shipping as a problem when you let it affect how you behave towards people with different opinions or if you push it onto the people themselves which is never ok (even if it would be real). Of course there are many examples of shippers taking things too far, but I don’t think the ship in itself is the problem, but again what those shippers might do. So yeah, I condone any shipper who crosses the line and push things onto the members, but I don’t think shipping in itself is bad.

Ask 5 - Not enjoying a bond because of it’s shippers

Hi, and first of all I am sorry you are feeling like this. I think sadly this is quite a common problem, and I am not sure I have any good answers for you. But I’ll try. I do recognize this feeling though I have mostly felt it in other fandoms where shippers of “rival” ships got me so annoyed it was difficult to not just see the shippers’ reactions every time they had a moment. Which made it less fun and sometimes hard to enjoy their moments even though I would have usually. What I did in that case was actually stop engaging in the fandom all together for a while, to take a step back as many of my own fellow shippers’ negativity about the other shippers and their theories affected me as well (btw this was a fictional ship so it’s quite different in many ways).

It’s sad when shipping affect us this much, but it can be hard when we invest so much time and get so much enjoyment out of it. I am not sure how bad you feel, but I think when you feel conflicted (possibly cognitive dissonance) when coming across ji/kook content it might have gone a bit too far (I talk about it a bit in this post) and be too attached to the idea of your own ship. If so you might want to consider taking a step back and engage with the fandom less and just focus on enjoying the actual content we get. If you simply react due to shippers and don’t actually care if ji/kook are happy together (or even would be real) I would simply suggest trying to stay away from those people. Sadly over analyzing the members happens a lot and will likely not stop anytime soon. I know it’s not that easy, but I don’t really have any better advice. Try to find places you can be while feeling happy, or take a break if you have to. Distance and time might help at times and I know many people who take breaks from their fandoms when they get too much for them and they get less enjoyment from being part of the community.

For me I did also have a period when looking at Ji/kook made me a bit annoyed or even sad. It was during a period when I was extra sensitive and wasn’t feeling very good so even small things affected me more than they should. But it had less to do with Ji/kook and more to do with consuming very toxic narratives from Ji/kook shippers that basically included Vmin being fake or played up. The idea of Vmin being fake hurts me much more than any other ship being real. Consuming a lot of quite toxic Ji/kook theories made me think Ji/kook being real would equal Vmin being fake and thus seeing Ji/kook hurt a bit.

What worked for me was realizing that this narrative makes no actual sense and there is no point in me worrying about Vmin being fake. And if they would be I know my reaction would simply be to walk away as I wouldn’t enjoy BTS if they lie about things there is no reason to lie about. This took away the feeling of being insecure, and I can be happy with just knowing Vmin are soulmates, no matter what kind. 

I also stopped looking up analysis of other ships and simply keep in mind that even if other ships are real it doesn’t change the bond between Vmin. I know enough about other ships to see their weird moments and to know I shouldn’t be certain about my own ship. I can also see what other shippers might see in a moment on my own at this point, so I do see how seeing moments might make you just think of what theories it might lead to. For me it was about changing my own mindset about other ships vs Vmin and to simply not consume content that was toxic or made me feel bad. Basically, even if Ji/kook or any other ship would be real it wouldn’t bother me as I know what Vmin has is still incredibly special and genuine.

To me this worked, but every person has their own limits. I would suggest backing off from consuming shipping content and simply look at how much the actual content shows the love between the boys. And also if possible try to get with the idea that even if another ship is real, that isn’t neccessarily bad. I would be happy for any ship if it was real at this point as long as they make each other happy, and I don’t feel threatened by other ships because of it.

As for shippers being bad or toxic, sadly with size and confidence it seems to happen a lot. I simply don’t bother with antis or over analyzing shippers of any kind that put very negative narratives on the boys. I know there will always be some bad ones in all bigger fandoms, so I try to not let it affect me too much. In fact I feel more hurt when my own ship communities engage in toxic behavior as that is harder to ignore and walk away from.

Thank you for sharing your struggles and I hope I could help maybe even a little. I know it’s not easy and as you say the guilt is also hard to deal with. I know I might have strayed away from your actual issue, but it’s a very difficult topic for me too. But at least your worry shows you truly do care for the members and don’t want to see them in a negative light. Just try to do what you need to do to feel better, even if it might be hard to do. Also thank you so much for liking my blog. <3

Ask 6 - Vmin videocall while getting make-up.

I am going to be frank here, this is a moment where fans most likely saw incorrectly and then some still spread it as a Vmin moment. I know people debated about it when it happened and I am sure people still have different opinions on it. But for me since it seems pretty clear the screen corresponds with how Tae moves the phone and takes a picture of himself. I think it was on selfie mode, not that it was a video call. This image I found might be edited because it look very much like Jimin, but it could also be accidental that this screenshot really really looked like him. I know it really looks like Jimin and the paleness of the screen makes it difficult to know... But if you watch the video in it’s original size and quality you see it’s Tae pretty clearly.

The video is  [BANGTAN BOMB] Jin's Sunglasses Collection in Hong Kong - BTS (방탄소년단). You can watch it around 2.10. Sorry for bursting the bubble. But hey, at least we know Vmin actually do facetime each other despite how much they see each other. :)

Ask 7 - Vmin and shaking hands

Vmin really are extra with the shaking (and holding/touching) hands, aren’t they? To be fair I think they do this quite a lot with other members as well, but it’s still definitely a Vmin thing. ;)

As for Brooklyn 99 I have watched clips, but not the full show, so I know who Holt and Kevin are... But I didn’t know they did that. That’s really sweet. Though obviously it sucks they can’t just be like any other couple and would have to make hand shaking their public display of affection (though I suppose it could just be their personalities as well? Like I said I don’t know the show too well.)

Funny but I actually wrote a little drabble Vmin part of something similar at one point... Though it wasn’t about shaking hands but instead fist bumps, as Vmin was doing that a lot at that time. I just find the idea of Vmin making anything normal into something cute and intimate, like an inside joke, very endearing. Thank you for sharing. :)

Ask 8 - Wheesa from Mamamoo

Thank you for sharing this cute moment. :) I really do like Mamamoo and from the few moments I have seen with them they seem really sweet with each other. Also I love Twit, it’s such a bop! 

Wouldn’t it be amazing if Vmin followed suit and Jimin appears in Tae’s MV for KTH1? :3

Ask 9 - Any wholesome fic recs?

Hi and thank you for your kind words. :3 English isn’t my native language and I struggle with being articulate sometimes, so your comment makes me really happy. :)

As for fics I am sorry, I have two big fic recs and I feel most of my favorites are included in those. (Huge Vmin fic rec and Vmin fic rec - Canon compliant) I know they don’t have any indications of rating etc. but for now looking through these lists to check if they fit what you like is what I have. If anyone has any particularly wholesome BTS fics to rec feel free to add them in the replies. :) Thank you and sorry for not coming with any actual recs in this reply. 

And that will conclude this post as it was starting to get a little long. :) I do have some asks left, and I’ll try to answer them as soon as I can with my next post. Thank you all for your interesting questions and shared stories. I hope you found this post enjoyable, or at least worth a read, as it included some pretty heavy topics.

[sasarahsunshine]

I have a strange tendency to create alternate universes in which my favorite character has a dissociative identity disorder. In this case Hotch so imagine that due to the abuse at the hands of his father Hotch and Aaron are two different personalities hotch just stopped taking control once their father died and Aaron had control most of the time or at least That was until David Rossi told Hotch that he would be very useful in the FBI. the one who joined the FBI was Hotch not Aaron. Aaron is the loving husband and lawyer while Hotch is the serious and stoic FBI agent. I just have one question, how do you think the team would find out?

Anon, my sweet Anon— your brain is so amazing. Like, oh my goodness.

So I personally have not done any research whatsoever into DID, all I know is what I’ve seen in various media’s online (tiktok mostly- which I know isn’t a good place to get information but some people on there like to share their own DID experiences), and the couple of episodes of Criminal Minds where they explored it (however I have read that Tobias wasn’t a good example of it).

In a fictional sense, I could see this being executed really well on the show (or in a fic). Especially if nobody knows about the two different personalities (or even if only Rossi knows).

Hotch is this stoic, no nonsense unit chief. He’s a badass who takes care of his team, his family, and his “unit” (I’m not sure if everyone with DID calls their multiple personalities a unit but I have seen two different people call themselves that so… idk). He comes out when things get too overwhelming for Aaron to handle. When emotions and tensions are high, Hotch fronts to take care of things.

I can think of some perfect examples of this too! Like when Emily and Reid were trapped inside the church of that cult? And the governor showed up to try and regain control of the situation- Hotch just got in his face and told him off. “Those are my people,” type of attitude. The whole “sit down and shut up” scene in the Alaska episode too- ugh.

And then when the team needs a calm mind, a soft hand, a small smile to show that they’re doing the right thing- that they did okay- Aaron is there. He’s a father first, a friend second. He cares too much and his heart is too fragile.

I’d like to think there might be another personality in there, but with no name. The broken man who seeps through the cracks every once in a while, gripping that glass of whiskey as he sits alone in his apartment, staring at a photo on his desk of Haley. Someone who is there to deal with the emotions Aaron can’t handle. Someone to cry and scream and punch the wall so Aaron doesn’t have to feel the burden of Hotch’s failure as a husband and father.

Okay that got sad, whoops.

Gonna talk about the team finding out under the cut!

Also, I legit think is anyone found out it would be Reid first. Not because I’m a Hotchreid whore, I swear. I legit think that he would know what to look for after the Tobias incident, and it would kind of be an accident. He would be speaking with Hotch and notice the subtle shift in facial features, the faraway look in his eyes as Aaron fronts for a moment to check on his team. He’d take note of that, maybe store the info in the back of his mind. Then pay attention as it happens again. Eventually he’d find a safe place to speak with the man, alone, to ask about it as delicately as he can (once he has enough evidence on his side). Hotch would be reluctant to admit anything, but Aaron might feel a weird sort of relief that he has someone to share his secret with.

Over the years he might eventually feel safe enough to tell some people. Garcia first, because he knows she’d love and accept him no matter what. She promises not to tell his secret as she hugs him, burying her face into his shoulder and telling him how ungodly happy she is that he trusts her with something so big. (I can see her getting or making him some sort of gift, kinda like the reversible octopus toys? One side is for Hotch and the other is for Aaron. Aaron thinks it’s cute, Hotch feels weird about having a toy on his desk lol).

When he tells Emily she just smiles and places her hand on his. She doesn’t really say anything, but she kind of insinuates that she knew. Which, she might have. She’s been a spy, for crying out loud. That woman has seen shit, lol, and she’s observant. Unlike Reid, she just left Hotch alone about it. But she feels endlessly grateful that he feels safe enough to tell her (even if it’s 6-7 years after they met). Emily is the only one who can help him front who he needs (Hotch or Aaron) when in situations where it’s almost impossible (panic attacks for example). She learned trigger words on her own.

Hotch doesn’t tell Morgan, not with words. They’re at a bar after closing a case but before going home. It’s just the two of them, sitting at the high top and sipping from their beers, watching whatever sport is on the TV (not paying attention). Hotch let’s himself slip and Aaron fronts. Morgan watches the shift, the way his facial features relax a little, his eyes dazed for a moment before brightening up again. Aaron glances at him after that, and Morgan understands. He doesn’t say anything, just tips his beer and clinks it with Aaron’s. They don’t talk about it.

I honestly have no clue how JJ would find out, but I can imagine Garcia or Emily tells her. She’s kinda weirded out at first because she doesn’t understand (and her only experience with someone with DID almost killed her best friend). She’s wary around Hotch for a week or so, but eventually goes back to the way things were when she can see that he’s still the same person he’s always been.

And then Rossi just watches the team in the bullpen, laughing and goofing off, as he sips his coffee from his own office, and he smiles. Because Aaron is with them, leaning against Emily’s desk and pretending to be annoyed that they’re not doing their work. And Rossi is glad that Aaron has a family he can be himself around. That he can be both Hotch AND Aaron around.

[sunny-speaker]

HI!!! Just finished reading the Dangerous Gift and boy do I have thoughts!!! Gonna put them below a cut for spoiler reasons

OK SO 

general thoughts I had were that It was pretty good! Not my favorite book but it was a necessary piece of the puzzle. from the snippets I had seen before, I definitely didn’t like snowfall. I was kinda tired from having a caps lock protag from 13 so I wasn’t looking forward to it. I get why Snowfall was that way but I would have preferred to see a more “cold” approach to her personality. I LOVED her character arc and how she grew tho. 

Lynx is perfect. As always 

NOW ONTO SOME OF THE IMPLICATIONS OF 14 

Glacier: I was in the camp that thought Glacier dying was stupid since we didn’t know much about her and I shipped her with Blaze. I still do, but seeing Snowfall’s POV made Glacier’s death more emotionally impactful. Still wishing for a Glacier winglet 

Jerboa II (III) : Holee shit where do I even start. Like, Darkstalker was fucked up but Jerboa was FUCKED UP. Like, maybe this showed us what Darky could have become if he was allowed to continue but...sweet lord....and the last spell??? The actual Jerboa II like what happened to her?? and Jerboa III is basically a clone now, AND she has a Jerboa scroll. I haven’t reread it but does it still exist?? Because that’s a Problem.

Animus Magic: So its permanently gone. How we feelin bout that? Like, it makes sense that Jerboa II would do something like that but part of me is a bit salty because I had ocs and adopts I was making that are set in the future and this just throws it all out the window. For the sake of my ocs, I will pretend there is some solution to this eventually. 

Humans+Sky: Ok so I didn’t think we were getting main plot humans this soon, but works with me. Honestly I was waiting for the moment Winter learned that scavengers were sentient. Bit worried about the implications of the epilogue, like.. Abyss??? Feeding a dragon to it? F e a r. Still waiting on that Sky and Peril reunion scene, but until then maybe I can finally write that fic I had about it. 

The Gifts: Ok so I originally thought the “a secret buried far below” was the Forbidden Vault dont @ me. I Love Opal and I want MORE DETAILS. Who was the Queen she served? How far before Diamond was she? Appearance? Come on Tui I thrive on details. Also I loved Snowfall with the tiara like Yasss Queen tear down that wall!!! Go Girl!! 

The sisters: I had no idea that Glacier had other children until this book and It honestly feels like the two were an aftersight. They probably were added later but you think Winter would have thought about them once right? Crystal was ok I guess. Mink is precious and also the ENCHANTED CROWN OH MY GOD. Fucking Diamond worst Mother-In-Law ever. I can’t wait to see the baby squad arc now that there’s five of them (Cliff, Auklet, Peacemaker, Bumblebee, Mink). Wish we knew who their father was, or if he’s still alive, but let’s be honest he’s probably dead and we all think Battlewinner did it. At least give us a name Tui please. 

There was gonna be another section on how I didn’t like Snowfall’s crush(?) on Sky but I realized Snowfall is 7?? I thought she was the same age as Winter (5). And Lynx is 6. Sky is 8 so I guess there isn’t a problem but I could have sworn Snowfall was 5. It would have made sense narratively, with not being ready for the throne. IDK I think I may be remembering things wrong. 

P.S. heres the age conversion rates I use

5= 14/15 

6= 15/17 

7= 17 

8= 18 

[lokkanel]

Writing Tag Game!

I was tagged by @ghostcat3000 😽

Tagging @hodgehegposts @vmcgmidlifecrisis @mazarin01 @always-evak @modestytreehouse (no pressure ;)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18 (including a collection of 22 ficlets)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

189,059

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Connection (rated E, 30k)

Even is flying back home to Oslo, Isak is moving to the States.

They meet somewhere in between when their connecting flights are cancelled due to a storm.

~

One week (rated M, 12k)

This thing going on between Isak and Even, whatever they called it - fuckbuddies, friends with benefits - was simple, fun, nothing more. They were friends, they were both free to do whatever they wanted with other people. They’d just meet and have sex whenever they felt like it.

Simple.

Until what was bound to happen eventually did and Even fell for Isak.

(or Even has seven days to give Isak the full boyfriend experience) (no one is a robot here, though)

~

Right next door (rated T, 24k)

Isak's life is turned upside-down when a handsome stranger moves in right next door...

~

Midnattssol (rated M, 32k)

Even is a successful writer suddenly at a standstill, who decides that fleeing Oslo to spend the summer in the remote village of Grønnvåg in the northern fjords will help him write his new book. There, he will meet Isak and find a lot more than his lost inspiration.

Written for the 2021 SKAM Big Bang with beautiful illustrations by Jasmine

~

Lover, where do you live? (rated T, 16k)

The day he turns eighteen, Isak eagerly awaits to see the name of his soulmate be revealed on his skin. But when a mark finally appears, it is nothing more than a few thin, unreadable lines...

4. Do you respond to comments?

Yes.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It was Connection back when this story was still a one-shot. But then I wrote four additional chapters to fix that angsty ending. I’m weak.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

They all have happy endings because I’m a sap, but I’d say the ending of On Christmas morning might be the fluffiest.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

No.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have written only once E rated story so far and some M rated scenes, so I can’t really say I have a particular genre, but knowing myself it would be smut with lots of feelings I guess?

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Someone wrote a fic that was heavily inspired by one of mine. They later indicated that my fic was the inspiration so I believe it was more homage than theft but still, I wasn’t exactly happy about the way it happened.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Right next door, Let them talk, Alone with you, Senses and On Christmas morning have all been translated into Russian (links in the author’s notes)

Someone asked if they could translate one of my fics in Korean but I never heard from them again, so who knows? Maybe it exists somewhere...

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No

13. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Until recently, I believed I would never finish Will you stay? But I’m starting to want to get back to it. I still like that story and I want to tell it till the end.

14. What are your writing strengths?

Feelings, sensations, knowing the characters deeply (so I’ve been told? idk)

15. What are your writing weaknesses?

Battling with a language that isn’t my own and sometimes spending hours on just a few simple phrases. My incapacity to expand my writing and develop scenes beyond what is not the essential core of the story.

16. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

If it makes sense and doesn’t render the story inaccessible to those who don’t speak that language, why not?

17. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

SKAM (first and only)

18. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Midnattssol.

[phulpakharu]

fanfic writer q&a’s bc new account

doing one of these here instead of twt to.. idk... think of this as the rice on the ground of this account.. the ceremonial whateverning. also, i like talking about myself.

answers after the line break (i’m not listening to the like = answer thing tho)

1. depends on the situation. if i’m sitting down to write, like intentionally, i will usually play music. it depends on what i’m writing. i have playlists for many fics, so i will play those, or a playlist that fits the tone of what i’m working on, maybe even an album. otherwise, i go for the lo-fi hip hop beats, because at this point i’ve been conditioned to focus when it’s playing.

2. i have ruksana!! she’s usually the first person to see my work, idk what i would do without her. i do sometimes leave fics unbeta’d (only ones i post impulsively though, lol)

3. third person. on occasion, there may be a first person pov line or two, but the perspective overall doesn’t change. my poetry, however, is in first/second person usually.

4. both! depends on my mood + what feels best for the story. i usually default to present tense, but i’ve been writing past tense more recently.

5. short and sweet. however, i do have two longfics i plan to get out this year. oikage vertigo, and yuka character study 2.

6. one-shots! though, again, i am attempting multichapter fics. they’re just more difficult, so it’s an adjustment.

7. yes! i like rarepairs! even if they don’t really make sense in canon. it’s fun to explore characters and potential relationships. however, i’ve never actually written for a proper rarepair... unless you consider furusawa and yatoyuka rarepairs lol (i don’t think they are - though daiya fandom sucks & definitely does not give much attention to anything other than m*sawa)

8. in character. i don’t think a character needs to be EXACTLY like in canon, but too much deviation from their character takes me out of the story. might as well just make a new character at that point. also it’s just easier to write lol. besides, in my opinion, you can deviate from canon however u want, as long as the character still feels like themselves, if u get what i mean.

9. idk if i have a favourite trope. domesticity and slice of life maybe? angst? is angst even a trope lol? i enjoy sadness, i guess? oh i really enjoy the cliche of characters just Looking at one another, and pining. i think the looking & not looking is so fun, it makes me want to off myself <3

10. no

11. oikage, yatoyuka, furusawa, miyumei, furumiyu, beigguang, (some other genshin ships maybe.. idk yet. i will probably lose my shit over azdaha and zhongli), kagehina, tsukikage  .... these are so many lol

12. mis*wa (fandom is so obsessed for no reason.. also they look like cousins) and sak**tsu (fandom ruined them so quick)

13. fluff usually. i’ve never written smut lol. actually... i may have some light smut in my vertigo fic, but that’s still to be decided. smut is not my forte, but my friends said i was doing alright, so i’m not discouraged by any means.

14. both <3

15. i don’t? or i do? idk. i just think of scenes/lines/scenarios that are SUPER SPECIFIC, and eventually, over time, i have a whole fic done

16. i don’t plan shit. i mayyyy have a rough outline, but it’s super loose. i usually just write as i go, out of order, and then piece it together into something comprehensible. hasn’t failed me yet.

17. yes! i think it’s fun to do so.

18. ‘ravenette’ ‘bluenette’ (or any unnecessary physical descriptor in place of pronouns or the character’s name) i see too much of this & i loathe it. just say the character’s name for heaven’s sake; i promise it feels much more natural than the hair colors.

19. um... planning. lol. idk how to construct stories. well, i do. however, a vague outline is not the same as a finished work. translating my ideas into words can be difficult, and a plot is terrifying. that’s why i write so out of order, it’s more natural for me. also i do this for fun, structuring it would make me nervous, and nervousness leads to anxiety, which leads to me not having fun. however, i do write quite routinely, almost every day, it’s just a habit at this point.

20. this is less advice, and more a tip. whenever i feel like a scene isn’t working, i either step away and come back to it later, or.... i will write out the scene/what i think/want from it in my notebook. changing the medium in which you work helps see it with fresh eyes. same goes for location! feel weird? sit at your desk instead of the bed! sit on the floor! sit in the kitchen! sit on the balcony! environmental novelty rocks!!!!

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

Are you going to finish the Tiny Virgil AU? Cause the last chapter ended on a cliffhanger. If you don't feel like finishing the whole thing, you could maybe give us bullet points of what was supposed to happen?

Ahaha whoops, I kinda forgot that fic. at the rate I'm going, it'll take like ten years for that or any of my other fics to get finished. Tbh, I actually have a whole outline for that one? Acantha (@theeternalspace) and I brainstormed the rest ages ago and then I took our thoughts and bullet-outlined it out.

The thing is? Like, emotionally I want to hold onto my thoughts and finish it, but if I am to be completely honest, realistically it probably won't happen. Because I wanna prioritize Gibbous over it and all.

so tldr: I'd like to write more installments, but in the case I never finish it and/or you don't care about spoilers, check the read more for what happens.

warnings: hurt/comfort, crying, morally grey sides (all sides are present so beware idk its been awhile im not up to date with how the fandom handles this sorta thing)

Chapter 5

Anx cant believe he forgot about Thomas!

He was so caught up in Creativity wanting to play with him, he's forgotten about his whole purpose

He goes to the real world, worried about all the things that could've befallen his host without his guidance

Anx is confused to be faced with adult Morality and another...side?

"Thomas?"

Thomas is big, Anx is not

This can't be real, can it? How can he protect Thomas like this?

Roman shows up, but the damage is dealt (Ro and Pat converse a bit)

Virge starts panicking and panics even more when he sees Thomas affected by it

Ro & Pat try to comfort Virge but no use

It's Thomas who gets to him. Who is...helping? Why?

"Wh-why are you so nice? I'm bad, I hurt you--I do bad things."

Thomas looks sad at that. He tries to explaining that he doesnt think Virge is bad, he can be good

Virge doesnt really understand but at the same time...Thomas loves him??

Thomas offers him a hug and he accepts it. Still so confused but at least his host loves him.

Chapter 6

Virgil ends up tuckered up in Thomas' arms

"Crying is exhausting, don't like it" He complains to Roman.

"I know. You've been very brave, little prince."

It's not that late but Thomas seems nervous. "I should go to bed." (Basically feels like if he doesnt adhere to his childhood bedtime, he'll get in trouble aka lil Virgil's influence)

Patton asks if he'd like for him to accompany him and Thomas nods

Roman and Virgil end up back in the mindscape with Patton promising to follow soon after

Roman tucks him into bed

Patton comes back, looking tired, and both Roman and Patton agree to talk with Logan in the morning about things

in the morning with Virgil still asleep, Lo, Pat and Ro talk briefly

Logan shares some theories (Age regression maybe?)

Patton tells them what's up with Thomas

Roman decides to bother the Dark Sides. "If this happened before in the past, they would know, wouldn't they? And if they're behind it this time then I can get them to stop it"

They decide to have Patton look out for Thomas again and for Logan to watch over Virgil while Roman ventures out to the Dark Sides

Chapter 7

Logan mulls over what is happening

Grateful that Thomas is going to bed early at least

He is not worried, he is Logic

Tries focusing hard on his book

Virgil wakes up, disappointed to see Logan and not Roman

Roman ventures through the dark mindscape

infodump detail on how it differs vs. the regular mindscape, quiet, silence nobody is around

"HELLO" Roman screams as his brother pops up

"What do I owe brother dear for this visit?"

Virgil is worried about Roman, but Logan placates him a bit

The two end up doing a puzzle

During which Virgil randomly hugs Logan

When Logan asks why, Virgil explains "You're scared. Hugs make me feel less scared"

Logan thanks him for the sentiment but insists he is not scared

"You're scared, I can feel it. It's okay, I get scared lots of times so you don't have to." Virgil says

And then Logan's fear dissipates

He stares at Virgil, shocked, because did tiny virge take his fear away??

And if so, if tiny virge knows how to do this, has adult Virgil been doing it without them knowing??

Chapter 8

"I know you did it" Roman growls. It makes sense really. Remus did random things for sh*t and giggles

Remus blinked "Oh! You found out about ____, didn't you?"

"What no!" Roman says, disgusted. "I'm talking about Virgil."

"Wait, you think I did it with Virgil? Mr. Emo?"

"NO!" Roman snaps. "Stop playing dumb!"

The two have a scuffle, ending up with Remus having a sword at Ro's throat (who is stuck in green goop)

"I really don't know what you mean." Remus says, "What is it exactly do you think I did again?"

Logic must hate him, Anx thinks, otherwise why would he be looking strangely at him?

but its okay, even if it really really really hurts, Anx has done it before and would do it again to keep from any of them feeling pain

He asks if Anx took his fear away and he nods

surely this must be a happy thing but Logic seems even more upset

the fear grappling tiny virge is foreign. It's so different than fears he's taken before. He finds himself drowning in it. he doesnt quite understand most of it. But there's fears about himself, Logic being scared for him, not of him. (basically oh boy adult fears are much harder to process for a child Anxiety)

Logic grips his hand and asks for his fears back

"I can't" Tiny Virge says, shaking like a leaf

Logan asks it again. Virge shakes his head "I can't, I--I don't know how!"

He really doesnt know how. Usually he just holds it all in until it explodes.

Logic echoes some of what the fear is telling him, that Logic cares for him. And weirdly, it means a lot for him to hear that Logic actually cares.

But noooo he must only care because of Thomas, right?

Anyways this is resolved somehow idk lmao and then Logan is called to help with Thomas

Virgil promises Lo he'll be okay, not wanting to stop him from being able to help their host

Logan promises he'll back momentarily

Virgil squeezes Zola and tries his best to stay calm

Previously on Rem and Ro

Roman spills the beans on whats up

Deadbeat silence

Remus then babbles about how he has no clue what Roman is talking about, but is super intrigued and wants to check this out for himself

He sinks out as Roman grabs onto his ankle, but isn't enough to stop him from sinking out.

Chapter 9

"Hiya!"

Little Anx squeaks, shadows gathering at his feet, ready to strike at....

A Green-Dressed Creativity? He dresses fancily like him.

"Princey?"

Green laughs. "No, I'm The Duke! Princey's my brother!"

And Lil Virge is kinda confused but rolls with it because Creativity pretending to be someone else/splitting himself into two is a very Creativity thing to do and isn't too worried about it.

Roman shows up, fuming

However, because of Virgil, he has to play nice

They end up having a pretend tea party

Roman finds himself shocked that Remus is decent with kids? Or at least a Kid Anxiety??

He still says outrageous things but Virge giggles at them (Basically kids really have no baseline for moral right-or-wrong, they find talk of murder funny)

Roman feels a bit guilty/regretful realizing he never played much with Remus growing up

Eventually, Logan pops up slightly frazzled

He's relieved to see the twins there looking after Virgil

Explains the situation w/ Thomas to Roman while Remus and Virgil play

Patton pops up, looking slightly weary, leading Roman and Logan to insist he take a day off from watching Thomas

Upon seeing Logan & Patton, Virgil runs up to hug Logan, but shies away from Patton

Patton tries to hide his disappointment about this

Remus tries to leave upon seeing Lo and Pat are here

but Virge clings to him, insisting he stays

The Others agree, and Remus perks up a bit.

Somewhere, there's a discussion about Virge again, late at night?

Logan reveals Virgil taking fears from him

At some point it's decided to leave Janus out of it as it's unknown how little Virge would react to him and the fact that Janus most likely knows what's up and has chosen to stay out of it

It's decided that Remus and Roman will traverse the Imagination to see if there's a solution there

Logan will be with Thomas

Meanwhile Patton will look after Virgil

Chapter 10

Patton's POV

Little Virge is upset about both Remus and Roman leaving

they try to placate him but it does little. (Telling him how they'll stay safe and they don't want him going because they want to keep him safe)

Patton's heart breaks but he has to holds back Virge.

Eventually the two have heart-to-heart

Apparently the two had a classic childhood spat, that means a lot to Virge even tho poor Pat doesnt remember the spat at all.

Pat tells them they're the best of friends now, even shows him evidence

Virge feels a little better

Sees a snake stuffy in Pat's room, asks about Dee

Patton deflects

The two end up making cookies together

The Imagination is a bust, although the twins return squabbling in a good mood

And Remus has a "present" for Virgil, who delights in it.

They chat, when suddenly Virgil screams

Chapter 11

Virgil's POV

He's been trying his best to stay calm, to hold back the anxiety gained from Logan and also the other fears swelling inside of him

But it's too much, and push comes to shove. A burning sensation occurs

And it explodes

He has a panic attack and realizes it extends into the real world

Overwhelmed and upset, he runs off.

He runs off to his hideaway and sits there

Getting bombarded with fears

He's there for what feels like hours when--

"Oh my dear Anxiety" A crooning, unfamiliar yet familiar voice says

Virgil looks, surprised, to see Deceit!! There's a lot more scales and he's wearing a funny outfit but it's him

He is happy to see him albeit sobbing into his capelet because of what happened.

Dee holds onto him going, “Shhhh everything’s alright. Shhh it’s not your fault. It’s my fault, I’m sorry—“ and Virgil interrupts shrieking it can’t be his fault, because in his mind Dee would never do anything bad and it hurts Dee to know that young Virge has so much faith in him.

"You'll hate me" But Little Virge refuses to accept that. "You're lying, you don't mean that"

"Okay, you caught me. "We stay best friends forever" OR something along those lines

Dee convinces him to bring back to the others, that they don't hate him

When they return, the others "freaking out" is a mild understatement.

Dee slowly produces tiny Virge out of his capelet.

Hisses at them to keep their distance because crowding Virge will only freak him out

Apologies and misunderstandings are made clear

Thomas summons all of them and they all have a sleepover

Virgil falls asleep snuggled between Remus and Dee

Chapter 12

Maybe Roman's POV?

Along with Thomas, they have a discussion

Dee waits a bit, before revealing that he's behind the reason for Virge's current state.

As his role Deceit, he has access to both truth and lies. One lie is that Virgil believes his kid self died and is no longer a part of him--attempting to actively repress those memories

He then points out the childish aspects of each side's function. (Maybe Logan input something about growing up and stuff)

P: "But why would Virgil think this?" J: "oh gee, I wonder why. It isn't like he was made to feel like an outcast from a very young age or anything"

Instant Guilt for all

Anyways Dee explains some mishap occurred, thus reverting Virgil back to this state

You get the sense Janus isn't telling the whole truth.

Janus says he has a way to fix things, and that's when there's a noise

"Anx?"

Virge is there, standing incredibly still, slightly heavy breathing

"Anx, it's okay, we're not upset"

Little Virge heard everything and is upset but he understands

He knows Thomas needs big him, and the others reassure him that they'll be there for him, each having a small moment with him

Then he starts glowing brightly, causing them all to be alarmed, Janus included

Chapter 13

Virgil is back and boiiiiiii is he freaked the heck out

The Others including Thomas are all there, F*CK how can he ever recover after they saw him like that?

He's both embarrassed and mortified

Not to mention it hurts to have two sets of childhood memories rattling inside his head. One that was lonely and painful, and the other that was happy but fake

He snaps at Janus and ends up fleeing in his room

He doesn't duck out

He cant do that

He just doesnt....go out. He doesn't want to hear the jokes start. He doesnt want the babying or the pitying to start.

He does his job and that is that.

(inwardly he knew this would happen, but not like this)

They try summoning him (Thomas included) but he wont come out. His door is locked.

Patton slips a note under the door but Virge refuses to look at it.

Blares MCR

Somehow Zola appears in his room, and he'd like to tear it apart or something, but he can't help but squeeze the stuffed bat tight and cry for the childhood that never was.

A week passes, and there's a very sad prince at his door

Virgil ends up letting him in because look, he's not a monster

it's very...awkward at first

but they eventually have a heart-to-heart and some snarky banter

and Virgil is very confused when Princey feels the need to apologize to him

They also discuss Janus and Virgil very reluctantly agrees to talk to him

Virgil ends up talking with Janus over tea

Janus doesn't really look at him, staring at his teacup as he explains himself

and dammit, Janus has hurt him (but then again so has Virgil hurt Janus)

But a part of him really misses him. A part of him that has always missed him.

Janus explains he just wanted to know where he went wrong in their friendship, that he went the round-about way because knew Virgil wouldn't talk to him but messed with things he shouldnt and accidentally caused Virgil to revert to the age before their friendship started fraying by accident.

He admits that he almost wanted to leave Virgil that age, to take advantage of it as a way to start again, but ultimately couldnt let himself take advantage of virgil in that way

He also apologizes, telling Virgil "Showing weakness isn't bad. I told you once that you had to stay strong and not let anyone see it, but I was wrong" and that he understands if Virgil doesnt accept his apology right away or if ever

And Virgil doesnt completely accept, not yet, but he's willing to try

It ends happily with them going down to dinner with the others. (possibly Virgil having moments with the others??)

the end

BONUS, Written Scene from Chapter 11 w/ Virge's and Janus's reunion because I was self-indulgent and wrote ahead

“Oh my dear Anxiety,” A silky voice croons, so achingly familiar.

He sniffles, raising his head to meet eyes with the much older face of his best friend; Deceit. It has to be, there is no other side whose left side of face is reptilian in nature. He’s crouching beside Virgil, only one set of arms present at the moment. He’s wearing a funny outfit, but then Deceit has always dressed funny, just like Creativity. Neither of them have ever been worried about standing out.

“Dee!” Anxiety cries out, all but flinging himself onto the older side. The velocity of it flattens the two onto the ground, with Deceit letting a small grunt from the impact. He’d be more worried about possibly hurting Deceit if he wasn’t too busy bawling his eyes out into the strange cape Deceit is wearing.

Deceit strokes his hair, so soft and gentle. Then two sets of arms hoist Anxiety upwards, settling him onto Deceit’s lap. Deceit hugs Anxiety, cocooning him in a warm embrace. For a moment, everything feels normal again. As if they’re all kids still and Anxiety had sought Deceit for comfort after a bad nightmare.

Then Deceit speaks, saying words meant to be comforting. They are comforting at first, until Deceit says things that don’t make sense. And Anxiety knows Deceit is a liar, that he says things that aren’t true. But he knows when Deceit isn’t lying. They’re best friends after all.

“Shhh, it’ll be alright. Shhh, it’s okay. You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not your fault. It’s mine. I hurt you and I’m--”

“No!”

“No?” Deceit repeats.

“No, it--it--you didn’t do anything bad, you wouldn’t!” Anxiety says, nearly shrieking, “You’d never, ever, hurt me. We’re best friends and best friends don’t do that.”

A strange, choking noise erupts from Deceit. Anxiety looks to see Deceit’s human eye glistening. His best friend’s lips quiver, like Anxiety gets when he gets too scared to speak. Except Deceit is never scared. He always knows what to say in a situation, confident in ways Anxiety could never be.

“Oh, I’ve forgotten what you were like at this age,” Deceit whispers, so low that Anxiety thinks he wasn’t meant to hear it. Then Deceit shakes his head, a weird laugh escaping him. “You’re going to hate me, Anx. Or rather, you’re going to hate me more after this is all over.”

“You’re lying,” Anxiety accuses, his fingers tightening around the fabric of Deceit’s cloak, “You don’t mean that. I love you, Dee, you’re my best friend and--and...Big Me is still best friends with you, right?!”

Deceit inhales sharply, as if there’s something stuck in his throat. Before Anxiety can even grow concerned for his well being, he breaths out a long dramatic sigh.

He rolls his eyes, smirking, “Alright, you caught me.”

“I did?”

“Yes. I was only lying to scare you out of crying,” Deceit assures him, “I didn’t mean to scare you into thinking we weren’t best friends still. Of course we are.”

“G-good,” Anxiety huffs, “don’t scare me like that, Dee, I don’t like it!”

“I won’t do it again, I promise,” Deceit says, his smirk fading a bit as he takes on a somber expression, “it still isn’t your fault for what happened, Virg--Anxiety. Neither I or any of the others think it is. They certainly despise you for it.”

“Despise?” Anxiety’s heart jumps a bit, “Oh! You mean...you’re saying...they don’t despise me?”

“I don’t know,” Deceit raises an eyebrow, “Why don’t you try reaching out? See what their fears tell you.”

Anxiety closes his eyes, sticking his tongue out in concentration. If he thinks super hard, he can envision everyone's fears like spider webs, branching all over the mindscape, interconnected in some ways and in others, completely disconnected in each side's little corner.

And he is the itsy bitsy spider, that scuttles about and maintains the webs to some degree. Because a little bit of fear is good, it helps keep Thomas alive. So he traces the webs and searching for what Dee suggested. There is one thread present, in every nook and cranny of the web, he searches, even in the splinter-offs. One fear that repeats and loops through the whole network that he has never seen before.

"Oh." Anxiety breathes, eyes widening. They're not afraid of him. They're afraid for him, worried about his safety and wellbeing. Anxiety doesn't know what to think of that.

[furubabes]

Okay. Somebody Asked. @shoujobell and @cryptidaicat, y’all encouraged this. I’m gonna tag this #long post if you wanna filter.

So here. I got the urge to write and so I ranked the Fruits Basket couples from my favorite to least favorite. These aren’t my complete thoughts because I could honestly do multiple full meta posts on each pairing, but I tried to justify and explain all my choices. Standard disclaimer, this is subjective and we can agree to disagree.

Part 1: Just the reasonably popular ones

1. Kyoru: Someone’s gonna call me unoriginal for this but it’s fine. Kyoru is the main romance of Fruits Basket! They bring out the best in each other and build each other up as characters. Kyoru is basically my gold standard take on Sunshine Girl x Grouchy Dude, and I’m not even usually into that trope otherwise. Their romance is one of the few that feels so genuinely necessary to the story. They love each other and like each other. Kyo understands Tohru in a way no one else in the narrative does, and vice versa. They’re in love like soulmates and also like awkward teenagers. Kyoru invented romance. If it’s boring to like healthy romances with realistic development, I’ll be boring.

2. Tohrin: If Tohru didn’t end up with Kyo I would only want her to be with Rin. I guess they have some of the same appeal as Kyoru for me - Rin reads Tohru in a way a lot of people don’t. I also like how honest and raw they are with each other. They yell! They fight! Rin is down to just straight up knock Tohru over to keep her from rushing off. Also, they’re both absolute fashion icons. Goth x Prep rights. I firmly believe Tohru Honda is bisexual.

3. Yukeru: This is my favorite Yuki pairing. I followed @yunsoh way back when the reboot first started and her blog has got me absolutely hooked on Yukeru. I think Yuki’s arc would have just made a ridiculous amount of sense if he was gay. It screams comphet. Kakeru is an excellent complement to Yuki, and their bond feels incredibly natural. Honestly I feel like it’s the most organic romantic development outside of Kyoru. I think realistically they wouldn’t have gotten together until post-canon and frankly Yuki shines in his friendships much more than romances, so I’m not absolutely dying for them to be together, but if Yuki’s going to date anyone Kakeru is my pick.

4. Arisaki: Man... I just like them. They strike me as less of an epic love and more of a comfortable partnership. I also read them both as lesbians anyway lol. Honestly I think they both had feelings for Tohru at one point and bonded over it. The way I picture them happening is honestly just Arisa at 25 frantically googling “is it gay to hold hands with my girl roommate who I spend all my time with and also we never date men“ because Saki bought them rings that look like wedding bands but they could just be super close friendship rings and oh god she’s in too deep. They’re dating for four years before they notice.

5. AyaMine: But Jessie! You literally never post about this pairing! Yeah, you’re right. I never think about them actively. But when ranking the canon ships I realized that I like the two of them together because they’re chill and understated. They’re huge loud personalities on their own but as a couple, they just feel like two people who are happy together and like spending time with one another. No drama, no mess, very understated. No plot contrivances driving their relationship. Good for them.

6. YukiKyo: Okay, so I can be convinced to put on my YukiKyo goggles more often than not. It feels iffy because there’s debate about how closely related all the Sohmas are and these two are called “cousins” a lot in school, but since half of the Sohmas are dating each other anyway, I err on the side of them being more of a clan than a proper blood family. Anyway, YukiKyo is my designated angst fuel. I think it would realistically be pretty one-sided from Yuki’s side, since we see him wanting Kyo’s approval from a very young age, but I like exploring the what-ifs of their lives if they’d been friends instead of rivals. In canon, I like to think that after high school they’re not best friends in the traditional sense, but either one could show up with a dead body and the other would help them bury it, no questions asked.

7. Yuchi: Really? Yuki’s wife is my third favorite pairing for him? Look, I adore Machi, and I still like Yuchi. But as I’ve been watching the reboot and reading others’ metas, I think I agree that their relationship could have been very powerful as a platonic one, sort of running parallel to Yuki and Tohru. I like them together but I think there wasn’t quite time for a complete character arc for Machi and her growth sort of begins and ends with Yuki. I don’t object to them being a couple in canon and I think they’re genuinely very sweet, but once again, I think Yuki stands out in his friendships more than anything. I would have liked to see Machi strike out on her own a little more.

8. Haru x Yuki: I don’t have any particular feelings towards them but I love their dynamic already and I think as a couple they’d both be really easygoing and comfortable with each other. I think a childhood crush turned close friendship is honestly the narrative that works best for them so I have no need for the two to date canonically, but every time they interact in the anime it gets a laugh out of me. They’re cool. They’d make a very pretty pair.

9. Mayutori: I’m Mayutori-neutral. I think they suffer from Fruits Basket’s pair the spare syndrome, but out of the side pairings that don’t have too much impact, they’re one I enjoy. Mayu’s fun as a character, and painfully relatable, and I like that Hatori’s eventual romance isn’t with someone who reminds him of Kana or something like that. I also want good things for Hatori. Mayutori has serious heterosexual energy though. I’m not saying this as a pro or con, they’re just very straight.

10. Hatsuzu: Okay, Haru and Rin aren’t this far down because I hate them. I’m perfectly fine with them being together in canon. But I think their romance almost... functions better as individual motivation for their character arcs than it does as an actual relationship, if that makes sense? Rin’s backstory episode is heartbreaking and her motivation to protect Haru is compelling and sympathetic, but their actual scenes together just don’t move me that much. Their romance is the least interesting part of either character for me.

11. Hiro x Kisa: Yeah I never got into it that much. It’s cute, it’s a sweet depiction of childhood crushes, but I’m not a fan of the idea of them ending up together. Kisa’s a cutie and Hiro is entertaining but the two of them together don’t actually do much for me. The dynamic between them is almost like if someone did Kyoru with none of the nuance. Ultimately though, they’re kids. I don’t expect them to have a deep and complex romance.

12. Yukiru: I think it would be a disservice to their characters if they were a couple. People far more eloquent than me have already written plenty of meta on why Yuki and Tohru aren’t what the other needs romantically, so I won’t get into it, but basically I just think their canon friendship is so beautiful and meaningful that I wouldn’t want to change it. Yuki and Tohru support my thesis that not all soulmates are romantic.

13. Tohru x Momiji: Welcome to the subjective dislike corner! This pairing is reasonably popular among people theorizing who Tohru would be with if not Kyo, but for some reason it just sits poorly with me. I can’t rank it any lower because there’s nothing evil or morally wrong about it! I just really don’t like it. I’ve quit a few fics because this pairing came up and I just can’t enjoy it.

14. Kakeru x Komaki: Idk, I just think Kakeru latching onto the one girl who was nice to him and put up with his bullshit and then being with her forever isn’t compelling. Komaki’s also probably his beard. She’s likable as an individual though.

15. Akigure: There’s plenty to say about the age gap, Shigure being in love with Akito since she was a fetus because of The Dream, the implications of a 15-18 year old knowing he’d one day want to be with a then-10-year-old... yeah, you get it. But even if I was able to put all that aside because Soulmate Destiny Logic, I still don’t think I’d like Akigure. I think they’re interesting as bitter, codependent exes, but I don’t like the idea of Akito ending up with anyone who she abused or who abused her. I think she has so much growing to do as a character and staying in a relationship within the Sohma family to do it can’t be healthy for her. I can’t see them living happily ever after, nor do I really want to.

16. Kurisa: I think what frustrates me the most here is that I want to like Kureno and everything about this romance is written to dull his most interesting traits. First of all, the age gap. Yeah, it’s gross, I don’t like it. But even past that, the love at first sight, instant fixation with each other, and lack of actual chemistry just kills me. Arisa’s stated reason to like Kureno is that he reminds her of Tohru, basically piggybacking off the chemistry she and Tohru already have, and his total lack of agency means the plot just sort of carries him along. It frustrates me that Takaya could have done something pretty cool by making them simply friends who have a chance encounter and then build a friendship from there that parallels Kureno’s abusive dynamic with Akito. It would be neat if a stranger’s kindness was the push Kureno needed to get himself out of the Sohmas’ grasp, without all the nonsensical drama about them being in love. It would also be less of a disservice to Arisa, who basically just spends the whole series pining for Kureno after they meet and I hate it. I could write a whole post about this. Maybe I will sometime.

17. Kyoko x Katsuya: I don’t think their story is romantic. I think it’s tragic for Kyoko, and if it were framed that way within the narrative, I wouldn’t object so much to its existence. But... Takaya just really likes age gaps with a younger woman and an older man, so the narrative romanticizes this man marrying his student. Katsuya can be depicted as well-meaning as you want, but he’s still got a ridiculous amount of power over Kyoko. She was also still pretty young when she had Tohru, which doesn’t make things any better because it’s clear that the relationship turned physical when Kyoko was a teen, thus dashing the idea of Katsuya legally marrying her to save her but not actually doing anything creepy. I wish Fruits Basket framed this as a story of Kyoko escaping one dangerous situation by entering a relationship with a huge power imbalance, because that happens to girls all the time and it’s tragic and compelling. The events of the story could stay the exact same and if the framing changed I would be fine with it. But this is not that. This is just a really romanticized teacher/student age gap. I’m not into it.

Part 2: Rarepairs, weird shit, and others (oh my!)

1. Yuki x Kakeru x Kimi: OT3. I’m enamored with the idea of this hot mess polycule.

2. Momiji x Kimi: Chaos meets chaos. This couple would say uwu without any irony and also steal your car keys. They’re both perceptive and smart hidden under a layer of cute and I’d wanna watch them play 4D chess with each other.

3. Kazuma x Kunimitsu: Idk how old Kunimitsu is so if he’s like 20, strike this one from the record. But I saw one post once that was like Kyo slowly realizing Kazuma and Kunimitsu were gay and had been dating for years and it was funny as hell.

4. AyaTori: It’s cute. Opposites attract, black and white hair, and Aya only listens to Hatori anyway. It’s just fun to think about.

5. Megumi x Hiro: They don’t interact in canon I just think Goth x Punk-Ass Bitch is a great concept.

6. Motoko x Nao: They’re both loud as hell and Nao having a gf that towers over him is funny. Maybe Yuki would finally get some peace.

7. Machi x Kimi: I don’t see them actually being compatible in canon but I think they could have a really homoerotic college friendship.

8. Hajime x Mutsuki: This is just YukiKyo, the non angst version.

9. Akito x Hanajima: I’m so wary of shipping Akito with anyone but this is kind of fun. The two are friends in canon and Hana isn’t remotely afraid of Akito. Plus Akito never abused Hana. I can sort of see it.

10. Hiroshi x Yusuke: Makes no sense, wouldn’t be relevant, but if those two just never spent any time apart and continued being a pair for life it would be a really good bit.

11. Akitohru: I don’t think it’s healthy to date anyone who’s previously stabbed you.

12. Kazuma x Hanajima: Stop. Go to jail. Hana’s one-sided crush is funny though.

[cornerstonc]

SENSES & OTHER ODDLY SPECIFIC HEADCANONS.

1. WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE SMELL LIKE:  i’m??? not sure. what do cats even smell like being the tidy and decorous creature he is, tho, i don’t think it’s like. Outlandish to consider that he might employ some very light fragrances-- nothing overpowering or strong bc he is a cat and that makes him picky about things like that, but. idk. maybe he smells like dryer sheets and fabric softener bc he wears cute little clothes ...........i mean the cat kingdom definitely has dryers. definitely that said i have absolutely taken a fresh dryer sheet and rubbed it all over my dogs, so maybe he’s done the same before too

2. WHAT DO YOUR MUSE’S HANDS FEEL LIKE:  very soft and fluffy-- he has some longer strands of fur which hang over his paws. they also most likely feel a little bony and thin under that fur, and his claws, like. what i’m pretty sure of cats coughs, are easily unsheathed with enough maneuvering (and of his own doing, too) also yes his claws are. very sharp fjiefap he rarely uses them, tho-- not necessarily bc he doesn’t have the instinct to, but bc he just. rarely finds himself in situations where that instinct is triggered. he will definitely still shred the hell out of something if somehow prompted to tho

3. WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY EAT IN A DAY:  not much. in the past, i think he’s gotten used to having his meals interrupted, so he’s gradually started just grabbing small things whenever he has the opportunity to rather than sit down for an actual meal rip this may eventually change after retirement, but who knows. this is also probably part of the reason why his favorite foods tend to be those that are Convenient and easy to carry with him and of course, there’s the fact that during banquets like we see in the movie, he and natoru do not have places at the table, so i went with the headcanon that they retire to the kitchen whenever they can during them in order to like. nab a bite here and there also like i’m just amused by the image of natori walking through the castle with some salmon onigiri wrapped in a napkin in one of his paws pulls a lin when he sees another cat eyeing it and just shoves what’s left of it in his mouth and stares like >:T keep walking

4. DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE A GOOD SINGING VOICE:  y e s and no one could ever convince me otherwise sorry lies down i also like the idea that he comes from a family where music was just integrated into everyday life

5. DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE ANY BAD HABITS OR NERVOUS TICS: he falls back on adjusting his glasses if he’s nervous or caught off-guard, etc.  other than that, i’d say not really. bc as hardworking and dutiful as he is, he’s also still. a cat, and an old one at that, and while he may skimp on eating more consistently, sleep is another story altogether lmao. he’s certainly taken to disappearing to Hiding Spots in order to nap so he’s (mostly) undisturbed, but it’s not necessarily bc he’s not getting Enough sleep otherwise he might also do it bc he’s well aware he talks in his sleep, and he does not need that extra embarrassment should he say anything particularly incriminating fjjifepa

6: WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY LOOK LIKE/WEAR:  pretty much Always dressed in a long changshan with floppy sleeves, but i’ve always liked the idea that it’s not always the same one and that he occasionally wears other colors (and since it gets brought up in my fics All The Time, i also like the idea that sometimes he wears very nice, fancy ones with more decoration or pattern, tho they’re generally still mentioned to be hand-me-downs from Somewhere) other than that, as mentioned above, he’s a tidy and well-groomed cat, so if you see him looking a little harried or unkempt or worse, u can rest assured shit hit the fan somewhere .......on that note, i do not know if the cat kingdom cats shower/bathe like humans do or whether they groom themselves more like cats do, but i think it’s probably for the best not to go down that rabbit hole

7. IS YOUR MUSE AFFECTIONATE? HOW MUCH? HOW SO:  i mean. yes, but it’s probably not very obvious to those not in his circle of loved ones. many who have seen him only from afar about the castle likely have an expectation that he is critical, cold, and perhaps even unreasonably strict, but aside from the middle one, it’s not really the case, and he’s generally fair and sympathetic when dealing with those who look to him as kind of a supervisor (and particularly lenient when it comes to those who are either young or inexperienced or both). but he typically isn’t affectionate with them in any meaning of the word and with loved ones, his affection presents itself more as the desire to provide for them, whether that be financially or emotionally or so on. more than anything else, he wants to be stable ground, and that often means working in the background where no one is aware of what he’s done in the interest of their wellbeing

8. WHAT POSITION DOES YOUR MUSE SLEEP IN:  Like A Cat fjieeio generally he sleeps curled into a ball, but i imagine that when he’s allowed to sleep undisturbed, he’ll tend to sprawl out a little in his sleep

9: COULD YOU HEAR YOUR MUSE IN THE HALLWAY FROM ANOTHER ROOM:  if he wanted you to, yes. while he’s perhaps more accustomed to speaking softly in the interest of. Secrecy, his position also requires him to interact quite confidently, or at least firmly, with other people er cats?, including strangers, servants, and other royalty, and he has little issue with raising his voice or speaking very sharply and/or assertively if he feels it’s warranted ......it also can’t be understated that he’s very often been left in the role of quasi-parent, so he definitely has some approximation of The Mom Voice which he can employ when he sees fit

[otometearoom]

I Finished Tsumugu Logic!! Overview/Rant

It took me a month, but I finished the last chapter of the game and got the true ending. I will keep playing to get all of the other bad ends, etc. 

I have so so many feels about this game, y’all. I will be highlighting a few chapters in the game, so if you haven’t finished it. Beware of spoilers!!

[MANY SPOILERS/ENDINGS BELOW]

To recount my feelings throughout the game for each character: 

1. Tsumugu is a cutie pie. I actually really related to him, because I’m also at that point in my life where I have to decide what exactly I want to do for the rest of my life. I just finished university, but I’m still unsure about my career ahahah. So, seeing Tsumugu struggle to figure his life out was refreshing. 

2. “Sosei” is so hot. I laid eyes on him and thought, uh-oh, he’s my new addiction ahahah. I would buy his merchandise if there was any. The dude loves sweets (how cute is that) and he has such a good head for mysteries (my dream man). Plus, he’s a tsundere but really cares about Tsumugu, often giving hints and advice to him. He’s a very trustworthy older brother/senpai. I could gush over how much I love Sosei for ages. His drunken habits -> those are to die for. He becomes so lewd and straightforward. I love it. 

“Koyo”, on the other hand, I didn’t like him as much as Sosei. Which is weird, cause I love ikemen. Maybe I’m just drawn more into the withdrawn, mysterious guys?? I do like the concept of twin brothers though. I have a bit of a dirty mind so when the twins said they shared everything, even their gf, I was like ohohoho, 3p? 

I absolutely enjoyed the twins together though. I love seeing them pretend to be the other. I wish they had more of an appearance lol. I could even say that Sosei and Koyo are a scale higher than Tsumugu for me. I wish the twins were the main protagonists ahahah. No offense Tsumugu. 

I’ll just summarize my first impressions for others real quick: 

3. Kotoko - I thought she was cute, but I never really liked her and couldn’t quite pinpoint exactly why. This feeling will come into play later on. So at first, I was like meh, she’s okay, I guess. But, as I learned more about her, I really didn’t like her character that much. I mean, I wouldn’t say I hated her but I didn’t find her as a good fit for Tsumugu. 

- When she told Tsumugu to be a salesman or whatever. I was like, do you even know Tsumugu? Lmao. I didn’t know if it was just me empathizing with Tsumugu cuz I’ve often been told of what I should be, but no one asks what I want to be. 

- When she didn’t want to help Mirei, I thought how odd, for someone who tries to befriend everyone, she’s not doing so well as a heroine. I mean, it was realistic, at least. But, I think the chapter where she admits that she tries really hard to fit in so others will like her was starting to draw some red flags for me. It made me wonder how much of her was ‘real’. Idk if I’m making any sense though.

- When she swung the knife at Tsumugu, I didn’t hate her as much as I did when she swung the knife at Sosei (who protected Tsumugu) and killed him. I was furious then. 

4. Sally - I admit I was really turned off by the girly lolita style. Mainly because I’m more tomboyish irl. But, she had a good sense of justice so I actually liked her. It did come as a shock to me though that she was the “gorilla” girl that was forced to kiss Nozaki. Tbh, I was kinda sad she died at the end. Like, I know she killed Hikone, but I could understand her motive better than I could understand Kotoko’s motive. Maybe cuz I have an older brother and can’t see myself being a brocon? ahahah. 

5. Toma - In terms of hotness, he comes 2nd right after Sosei. He’s a really good friend. And I absolutely adore how he scares ppl with his glare lol. i love yankees ahaha. He’s not afraid to speak his mind. He’s a very solid character.

6. Daimon - My girl crush. High key curious who she’s arranged to marry because her fiance seems boring. Who takes an hour to choose a handkerchief? Anyways, Im sad that Daimon and Sosei never got to meet because I’m low key shipping them. Idk if they’d click well romantically because they’re so similar, but I would’ve loved for some sort of interaction. They’d make for an epic couple, solving mysteries. I really wanna write a fic for them. 

7. Tsukasa Tsukasa - I didn’t like him because of the cheating and blaming on my poor Toma, but after that, he was okay. Plus, he helped write the Tsumugu’s love letter to Kotoko. Which I find is funny, because Kotoko copied Tsukasa’s writing, thinking it was Tsumugu’s. Ahahah. The lesson here, folks, is that don’t use your own handwriting in love letters, you never know if you’re crush will copy said handwriting into your own suicide letter. 

8. Mirei - that girl can sing. I kinda cried after hearing it cuz I was going through something at the time and it really encouraged me. 

9. Landlady & Hikkimori - Both names that I can’t remember off the top of my head. I think both people are fun. The landlady is super supportive. And the hikkimori refusing to talk with Sosei made for a fun dynamic. I genuinely enjoyed seeing Sosei offended. Nice way to see emotions on my fave character. 

10. Other characters (Rindo, Happy, Travel Club Members) - I genuinely did not care enough about ahahah. I think I even enjoyed seeing some of them murdered, tbh. They were really horrible people in different ways. 

The Black club members headed under Fumi. Like what? How do you control victims to be assailants and live with yourself to be a future kindergarten teacher? Like what? I couldn’t live with myself if I was her. Plus, her disproportionately large boobs were really weirding me out. I can’t believe Yu died all because Fumi wanted to f*ck him. It’s like one day you’re living your best life and someone thinks, ah, I wanna ruin this person. 

Don’t even get me started with Nozaki. That dude is a piece of trash. Human garbage. He knows how it feels to be a victim and yet thinks it’s his right to assault women. I wanted to slap that guy so hard. So many times. He was like the boy who cried wolf. He kept pretending to be dead and eventually died in the hands of Kotoko. XD I wonder what his last thoughts were. To have died in the hands of someone he trusted. 

Hikone was another nutcase. From what I understood, he just saw everyone else as characters in his book. Sure, he didn’t physically harm anyone, but doing nothing and observing is just as much of a crime as committing it. 

Shun. I never really like cutesy guys. But when he turned out to be an ex-pimp plus lover of Fumi, he fell off the likeable scale. 

Yoshimoto being an uncontrollable drunk murderer was the only thing needed to complete the psycho Travel Club members. Tbh, I thought he was the one behind the killings at first ahaha. 

Suguha. I thought she was a tough chick. It was cool to know that she had another motive to get closer to Fumi. Because I thought it was weird how she took her cellphone at the BBQ restaurant. It’s nice to know that SEEC still foreshadows like that.