#the fandom comparing when they actually are the best duo is exhausting

[henry-fox-biggest-stan]

“Mike loves El, El is so much better than Will, she’s the real main character”

“Mike loves Will, he’s more important than El and the real main character”

Why are you comparing them to fight over who mike prefers? I love Mike but they both SOLO Mike, “El is better” “Will is better” bitch they both are better, what does Mike do? Whine?

[bellarkefanfiction]

Lina got the chance to catch up with @ticogirls author of I Think You're Cute, Between the Lines, what a delicate heart, what a hard head and many more on ao3.

BFF: Tell us about yourself!

Mel: I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who starts sweating whenever they get this kinda question but here goes: I’m Mel and despite what my Twitter handle says, that’s not short for “Mellamy” lmao. I’ve been on Tumblr for close to eight years now (I just got a small stroke from saying that), I watch a fuckton of TV and movies (I mean. Who doesn’t, right?), and I’m also a proud BoC (Bisexual of Colour).  

BFF: When did you start shipping Bellarke?

Mel: The first place I saw Bellarke was, I think like many of the fandom, on my Tumblr dashboard. During the post-S1 hiatus, one of my favourite gif-makers (she’s changed her URL and gone on several hiatuses so I genuinely don’t know where to find her anymore) was posting a bunch of gifsets of them. Again, like many of the fandom, from the gifs and screencaps of S1 alone, I basically assumed Bellarke was already a canon couple and decided “ooh, they cute. Lemme watch this show for that Good TV Romance™”. (Once more, like many of the fandom, I got a Rude Awakening when I started watching the show because it turned out to be So Much Worse… but also So Much Better.)

As for when I started really shipping Bellarke in the actual show, I think a lot of people fell in 1x02 (Bellamy saving Clarke from the grounder pit) or 1x03 (Clarke relieving him of the burden of mercy killing Atom). While those were both huge steps for me in terms of perceiving their relationship, I don’t think I really fell for this ship as a potential romance until 1x04, ‘Murphy’s Law’. The Charlotte/Murphy conflict peeled back the layers on both Bellamy and Clarke: his posturing and bravado was melted away in front of the delinquents, and all of her cool logic and reasoning was temporarily suspended. That, for me, was the first episode that really showed that despite all their oil/vinegar clashes throughout the show, at their very deepest core, Bellamy and Clarke were always going to be unified by the same goal — to protect their people.

BFF: How long have you been writing fanfiction?

Mel: I used to write (bad) fanfiction for some older fandoms, back when Wattpad and AO3 weren’t even conceived yet and all we had was FanFiction.Net and LiveJournal. Shit, I was really out here when ‘My Immortal’ was still being updated, lmaooo. I stopped for several years for a multitude of reasons — overstuffed schedule, physical exhaustion, a bunch of big life transitions, mental health issues etc. Bellarke was THE ship that restarted my fic-writing engine in 2015, and I think because of that, I’m always gonna have that Soft Spot for them.

BFF: Are you a part of any other fandoms?

Mel: Aside from The 100, I’m a huuuuuuge Star Wars hoe. Original trilogy, prequels, Rogue One, current series — I love them all. I’m genuinely nervous about Disney’s future plans for reviving this franchise but having quite literally grown up on this stuff, I just don’t think it’s ever going to be possible for me to walk away from this franchise, no matter how Messy it gets (and I’ve a feeling it will!).

I’m also really big on the MCU (currently obsessed with Thorkyrie) and From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series, which I have no shame admitting is the guiltiest of guilty pleasures.

BFF: Are there any writers that you’ve drawn inspiration from?

Mel: I’m going old-school here, but I’ve always been enamoured by Douglas Adams (author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series) and K. A. Applegate (Animorphs series). It’s not so much about their kickass creativity with plot or characters, but more of the rhythm and pacing of their writing. They’ve each got a great way of balancing story and characterisation, all underscored and punctuated with these unique comedic inflections and beats.

BFF: Do you have favourite side-pairings or characters you also enjoy including?

Mel: I love writing Minty and, I’m not gonna lie, it’s mostly as a fuck-you to the writers for refusing to acknowledge Monty Green’s Gayness™. Memori have got a really fun dynamic to write too, and I still include a lot of Jasper/Maya in my fics because they deserve to be happy and in love forever. As for solo characters, Raven is hands down my favourite to voice, mostly because I feel like I can 100% relate with whatever’s going through her head in any given situation.

BFF: What are your favourite tropes to write?

Mel: Oh LORDT, do you got a full hour???

Lmao okay but real talk, I absolutely love writing Enemies to Friends to Lovers. I prefer Modern AU’s, simply because I like the concept of breaking our fave characters out from the grimdark world of The 100, to see how their relationships and attitudes could possibly evolve if they were allowed to care about dumb stuff like TV shows and public transport instead of just whether they manage to live or die. I am also a die-hard fan of the Roommates trope, simply because it’s the most convenient fic-writing device for ensuring that your ship will always have some reason to share the same space alone together with some regularity.

BFF: What do you predict will happen in season 5? Especially for our favourite duo?

Mel: So this is basically just “do you think Bellarke will become canon in S5”, right? (lmaodskjfhks) Well I hate to sound like I’m pushing a fatalistic attitude towards S5, but honestly, I don’t see Bellarke becoming canon in S5. After all, they’ve got a lot of ground to cover once they reunite on the ground. Six years is a heck of a long time, especially when one of them fully thought the other was dead. (It’s hard for us as fandom to grasp because we have been shown that Clarke’s fully alive and well, but we gotta remember, death is a separation of utmost finality. It’s not just like thinking someone’s away or missing.)

I do, however, think it’s feasible to expect some kind of recognition/acknowledgement of explicitly romantic feelings on either one or both their parts.

BFF: Do you have any plans for other fics you’d like to write, if so could you spoil or tease us?

Mel: Oh boy, do I ever. Full disclosure, I’m currently working on about 6 or 7 fics for Bellarke alone, but they’re setting up to hit at least 8k in length each so they’re definitely not going to be ready for publication anytime soon.

I do have one that I’m planning to post as a multichap, which means I won’t have to wait until it’s fully completed. I don’t want to give away too much, but it’s based on a French romcom titled Blind Date (Un peu, beaucoup, aveuglément). It’s basically a neighbours / enemies to friends to lovers AU, and I’m really excited for y’all to read it!

BFF: What advice would you give novice writers?

Mel: I answered this question a good while ago in this post here with a few major points, but I think the most important one is this:

You are your best competition. I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but this is seriously the most important thing for me as a writer: DON’T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS. It never makes anyone feel better (especially if you’re, say, writing fic for a big fandom with a lot of existing content). Honestly, it doesn’t even make sense when you think about how every writer is different and has their own unique style.

Be your own harshest critic, but also your biggest cheerleader. Write for you, to express yourself. That way, whatever you write/publish, at the end of the day, you feel good about it.

[aja154ever]

GRANRODEO LIVE 2017 G12 ROCK☆SHOW Pierrot Carnival - 09/23/2017

Set List

Pierrot Dancin’

恋は mirage

Punky Funky Love

Glorious days

Fake lover’s true heart

ナミダバナ 

FAT SHAPER

チキン・ヒーロー

君に one way love

Can Do

move on! イバラミチ

Y.W.F.

エンドレスサマー

少年の果て

CRACK STAR FLASH

silence

カナ��ヤ

modern strange cowboy

We wanna R&R SHOW

Infinite Love

Go For It!

UNDER THE SKY

G12 AAAAAAHHHHHHH. It’s my first time to attend the G series. I was so excited as I saw this as a chance to hear more GR songs live outside the PieDan album, but somehow the set list turned out to be very similar to the PieDan tour. But it’s okay, I'm not really complaining. And I was just so happy to see that many people gather for the love of GRANRODEO. Long post under the cut!

Honestly, I didn’t think I can get all pumped up because I was far on the 2F and GR live shows are best enjoyed in small, intimate places like Zepp. But the seats actually gave me more space to move and groove, and the sight and energy of the people around me convinced me to be free and lose myself.

Pierrot Dancin’ - Okay I died from the acapella intro. That’s it. No words.

恋は mirage - Really good considering it’s the first (well second ‘cause it’s the second day) time Kiiyan sings this live

Glorious days - The bridge part. OMG what is it in Budokan’s sound system that makes Kiiyan’s voice sound so better argh. Anyway messed up lyrics in the last part, but then okay, it can pass as intended miss

チキン・ヒーロー - Uwaaaa. Who expected this?? I admit that I didn’t like this song compared to other GR songs but now hearing it live, just WOW. It’s impossible not to enjoy this.

君に one way love - OMG I didn’t expect this would make the list so I was just so feeling blissful waving my hands. Really one of my favorite GR songs. Got the lyrics wrong in the last part again and I shouldn’t be reporting about this anymore because that’s just normal for the lyrics writer himself, Kishow

move on! イバラミチ - My 3rd time to hear this live. So far, the best performance out of the three.

In Y.W.F.’s last “boku wa yoi ko”, e-zuka comes to pat Kiiyan on his head. SO PRECIOUS!!

エンドレスサマー - Best production performance for the night, with the dancers and effects *slow clap*

CRACK STAR FLASH - silence - カナリヤ - modern strange cowboy - We wanna R&R SHOW - Classic exhausting line-up. You’ll really know the difference when Kiiyan sings their older songs vs the latest ones. Well it’s basically the years of knowing those songs so he really performs them way better than the new ones. And this is coming from me who has heard him sing PieDan songs live for 3-5 times than classic songs I heard him sing once or twice.

ナミダバナ, silence, We wanna R&R SHOW - long stretch part (I still don’t know what to call it) but his voice, his skills, his everything, *me gets down on one knee, presents a small black box* Marry me, Kiiyan. Now.

Infinite Love -  AAAAAHHHHH. This was the most unexpected song for me. I was so happy!! I got into tears as my heart overflowed of infinite love for GR.

Go For It! - My first time to participate in IGPX!!!

UNDER THE SKY - Kiiyan why did you have to end this happy night with a sad, slow song??? Argh. I wanted a third encore please.

MC and Other Points

I think there was little talk than in the PieDan live.

G12 was broadcasted live and e-zuka-san said that they were given a 4-hour time slot, so in the first MC part he joked, “From now, we’ll go talk for one hour!” Then in the IGPX part, he said that they’ll be doing it for 30 minutes!

Shin-kun didn’t use a mic at first. He went on to shout his greetings, “Konnichiwa!” Oh this kid is so adorable ^.^

Shin-kun’s parents came to watch him live.

When Takita-san turned the television on the night before, it was just in time for the broadcast of the PieDan live. Apparently, he fell asleep on the 月に抱かれて眠りたい part.

e-zuka-san shares that the music for BSD movie’s theme song is close to getting done. Kiiyan worried about writing the lyrics. e-zuka-san said that he was just lying; he’ll cut the encore short and make the song immediately!

e-zuka-san was so nervous as he was playing the piano in the We wanna R&R SHOW intro. Worse, he got distracted by Kiiyan’s sudden ‘insert hum’ that he thought he forgot the next notes. “Don’t go putting in fakes suddenly! You didn’t do that yesterday! My mind got lost!” He blamed Kiiyan for getting too hyped because of the live broadcast.

Kiiyan loved how the crowd called for encore too soon that they haven’t even gone down the stairs yet. He even imitated how the RB first shouted the GRAN part as he got amazed, “You can make such voice?” He was laughing because seriously, the GRAN shout sounded really crazy, in a good way. Thanks RB!

Kiiyan tried to throw his towel on the 1st floor seats but it failed to reach. Lol. He dramatically got down on his knees as the towel just fell on the ground. Ow cute Kiiyan, there, there. But yeah, that was such a waste :(

e-zuka-san played the fool in throwing his wristband to the crowd as it ‘accidentally’ fell behind him several times. Shin-kun ended up getting the wristband.

And lastly, the HUG awwwww T.T

Photos/Posts from Official Accounts:

More photos on GRANRODEO’s official Facebook page

What more can I say? This is my 6th GR event this year and probably the last? So there’s that loneliness in my heart as I cherished every G12 moment. G7 will be in Okinawa so I can’t go T.T I just have to haunt Kiiyan in other events then.

It just makes me reflect on how I got dragged into this paradise. I first learned about this Taniyama Kishou seiyuu when I first heard his singing voice in UtaPri. I was just starting to get into the seiyuu world at that time, and I didn’t really notice him as Natsuki. But when I heard his beautiful singing voice, I immediately searched about the seiyuu. I got to watch him on Maji Love Live (DVD) and I was convinced that this man has the best singing voice I’ve ever heard. I got into other seiyuu anyway, and it was months after again when I got to watch him perform as GRANRODEO’s Kishow in the KuroBas event (DVD). It was so lively and looked so fun, and there’s something about his performance that draws you in. I started learning the KuroBas songs. Yet I was still into other seiyuu at that time lol. Honestly, I admit that I’m not much of a fan of Kiiyan as a seiyuu. Simply because I like the others’ voice more and then there’s the fact that he doesn’t get to play major anime roles often.

But then, but then. OMG. I don’t why, how, what, but Bungou Stray Dogs came crashing into my life and I fell in love with the most vicious duo in Yokohama, Double Black. Let it be known that I actually decided to watch BSD because of the seiyuu in it but putting that aside, I then learned to love the story and the characters so much. But the Mamo-Kiiyan combi is just too much for me to take in esp after watching their Uemura tanteisha episode. And Nakahara Chuuya. *takes a deep breath* Of all the characters I’ve watched Kiiyan play, Chuuya came to be an easy favorite even if he only appeared in very few episodes. And I said I wasn’t into Kiiyan’s seiyuu voice but his Chuuya voice AAAAAHHHHH, which is actually close to his real voice AAAAAHHHHH

And while I was starting to drown in the BSD fandom, it was just in time for GRANRODEO’s new album release: Pierrot Dancin’. You know, I’m a poor being and I don’t really buy things for myself like goods, but I just really wanted to buy the new album because I wanted to support Kiiyan. And I’m glad I did.

Then the AniUta app got released and it was such a blessing because all GR songs were there so just in a few months, I learned most of their songs in their 12-year long career. Now I’m proud of myself. *wipes corner of my eyes*

Taniyama Kishou, as seiyuu and GR, has been saving me from my depression this year. Our love story sure took some time to develop, but now I just feel so much admiration, love, and gratitude towards this person. As sappy and crappy as it may sound, but Kiiyan became the most important person to me this year.

OMG this went on longer and more dramatic than expected but I just love Kiiyan, my Darlin, my BIG SUN. I’ll do my best to keep seeing you. Cheers to more years to spend together.  ♪＼(*＾▽ ＾*)／＼(*＾▽ ＾*)／

[p-artsypants]

320 State Street (17)- December 10, 2016

Previous

FF.net | AO3

Before we get into the chapter, I want to talk to you as a human.

As a writer and an artist, my job and my livelihood is to put my heart out on a platter (or the Internet) and wait for the knife. And for some reason, I like this arrangement. I love writing FanFiction, I love the whole process. And if you follow me, you’ll notice I’ve been reaching out into other fandoms to exercise. This story is so rich and complexed, and I still love it, but there was a disconnect whenever I tried to work on it. Then my mentor sent me this nugget of wisdom from David Foster Wallace. For anyone that wants to be a writer, I hope you read it.

“In the beginning, when you first start out trying to write fiction, the whole endeavor’s about fun. You don’t expect anybody else to read it. You’re writing almost wholly to get yourself off. To enable your own fantasies and deviant logics and to escape or transform parts of yourself you don’t like. And it works – and it’s terrific fun. Then, if you have good luck and people seem to like what you do, and you actually start to get paid for it, and get to see your stuff professionally typeset and bound and blurbed and reviewed and even (once) being read on the a.m. subway by a pretty girl you don’t even know it seems to make it even more fun. For a while. Then things start to get complicated and confusing, not to mention scary. Now you feel like you’re writing for other people, or at least you hope so. You’re no longer writing just to get yourself off, which — since any kind of masturbation is lonely and hollow — is probably good. But what replaces the onanistic motive? You’ve found you very much enjoy having your writing liked by people, and you find you’re extremely keen to have people like the new stuff you’re doing. The motive of pure personal starts to get supplanted by the motive of being liked, of having pretty people you don’t know like you and admire you and think you’re a good writer. Onanism gives way to attempted seduction, as a motive. Now, attempted seduction is hard work, and its fun is offset by a terrible fear of rejection. Whatever “ego” means, your ego has now gotten into the game. Or maybe “vanity” is a better word. Because you notice that a good deal of your writing has now become basically showing off, trying to get people to think you’re good. This is understandable. You have a great deal of yourself on the line, writing — your vanity is at stake. You discover a tricky thing about fiction writing; a certain amount of vanity is necessary to be able to do it all, but any vanity above that certain amount is lethal.

At some point you find that 90% of the stuff you’re writing is motivated and informed by an overwhelming need to be liked. This results in shitty fiction. And the shitty work must get fed to the wastebasket, less because of any sort of artistic integrity than simply because shitty work will cause you to be disliked. At this point in the evolution of writerly fun, the very thing that’s always motivated you to write is now also what’s motivating you to feed your writing to the wastebasket. This is a paradox and a kind of double-bind, and it can keep you stuck inside yourself for months or even years, during which period you wail and gnash and rue your bad luck and wonder bitterly where all the fun of the thing could have gone.

The smart thing to say, I think, is that the way out of this bind is to work your way somehow back to your original motivation — fun. And, if you can find your way back to fun, you will find that the hideously unfortunate double-bind of the late vain period turns out really to have been good luck for you. Because the fun you work back to has been transfigured by the extreme unpleasantness of vanity and fear, an unpleasantness you’re now so anxious to avoid that the fun you rediscover is a way fuller and more large-hearted kind of fun. It has something to do with Work as Play. Or with the discovery that disciplined fun is more than impulsive or hedonistic fun. Or with figuring out that not all paradoxes have to be paralyzing. Under fun’s new administration, writing fiction becomes a way to go deep inside yourself and illuminate precisely the stuff you don’t want to see or let anyone else see, and this stuff usually turns out (paradoxically) to be precisely the stuff all writers and readers everywhere share and respond to, feel. Fiction becomes a weird way to countenance yourself and to tell the truth instead of being a way to escape yourself or present yourself in a way you figure you will be maximally likable. This process is complicated and confusing and scary, and also hard work, but it turns out to be the best fun there is.

The fact that you can now sustain the fun of writing only by confronting the very same unfun parts of yourself you’d first used writing to avoid or disguise is another paradox, but this one isn’t any kind of bind at all. What it is is a gift, a kind of miracle, and compared to it the rewards of strangers’ affection is as dust, lint.”

—

“It’s snowing!” Tuff screamed at the top of his lungs.

“About time,” stated Astrid, from the counter. “It hasn’t snowed properly since thanksgiving.”

“I say, we go dune sledding on Sunday.” Tuff proposed. “Or, we could hook up the sled to my four-wheeler and ride around in the field behind my house. What do you guys say?”

Hiccup, who was now a mere shadow of his former shelf, smiled slightly. “Um, you know, that could be fun. What do you think Astrid?”

Hiccup always asked her permission to have fun these days. Because he felt like he didn’t deserve it himself. Which was a retched way to live. And she told him as much. Still, the look of guilt never washed away from his face. “I think that sounds like a great idea.” She smiled back.

“Awesome! I’ll make sure to get the sleds. I’ll text ya later with the details.”

Astrid was unbelievably grateful that it was winter and their friends were mostly oblivious. She didn’t need anyone asking about why she and Hiccup had lost so much weight, or why Hiccup was always exhausted. The obvious answer is that he couldn’t sleep. The more complicated answer was that the lie was literally swallowing him whole.

Jail or not, she couldn’t take it anymore.

On the way home, both were quiet, before Astrid finally spoke. “We should tell Heather.”

The car swerved slightly. Astrid couldn’t tell if it was black ice, or shock. “What?”

“We can’t keep going on like this. We have to tell someone. If anyone, it should be Heather. She would understand the best.”

Hiccup’s eyes never left the road, but she could see how fiercely he held the steering wheel. “I…” He began. “I understand.”

“I think you’ll feel better.”

“Will you?”

She pursed her lips. “Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll call her when we get home, and invite her over.”

Astrid nodded, tension leaving her shoulders.

—

True to his word, as soon as Hiccup pulled into the garage, he took out his phone and called Heather.

“Hey Hiccup,” she responded on the other end of the line.

“Hey Heather…” He hesitated.

“Is something wrong?”

“Um…sort of. Are you busy tonight?”

“Tonight, no. I get out of work in an hour. Why?”

“I was just wondering…if you would be willing to come over? Astrid and I want to talk to you about something. It’s…about Scott.”

Heather was silent.

Astrid leaned in close to listen.  

Finally she responded. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that too. I’ll come over after work. See you then.”

Hiccup released a sigh. “Okay, see you then.”

He hung up the phone and sat in his chair for a moment, unwilling to move. “It begins.”

“Yeah.”

“Astrid.”

“Hiccup?”

“I love you, always.”

“As do I.” She smiled back in return.

The duo walked inside, to see Valka working on dinner. “Hello my darling children!” She responded with mirth.

“Hi mom,” they responded in unison.

“I’m making spaghetti for dinner. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” smiled Hiccup. “Um, Heather is coming over in like an hour. So, can you make a little extra?”

“Of course! Anyone is welcome at our table. Any particular reason for the visit?”

Hiccup looked away. “I just thought it would be a nice gesture.”

Valka, as a mother, knew immediately when her son was lying. But for once, she decided not to push it. “It’s nice of you. She must be lonely.”

“Yeah…” added Astrid. “Lonely…”

The kids withdrew to Hiccup’s room, to plan what they were going to say when Heather arrived.

All the while, Valka speculated.

—

An hour later, Stoick returned home from work. A few minutes after that, Heather arrived, all full of smiles. Truth be told, when Hiccup invited her over, she was ecstatic to come. There was never a warmer house then the Haddocks. Hiccup and Astrid greeted her with hugs. While Hiccup held her, he whispered. “We’ll talk after dinner.”

She nodded against him.

Valka’s spaghetti was…interesting, to say the least. Astrid had gotten used to the woman’s cooking. Not to say it was bad, it was better than her own mother’s…but it was always…interesting. She always tried to improve on something, as the case this evening when she added cinnamon to the sauce.

Heather ate it without complaint, just thankful to be eating with company.

Hiccup, despite being hungry as he always was, just pushed a meatball around on his plate. What was the point if he was just going to throw it up later?

“Why Hiccup, is something wrong? You’ve barely touched your food.” Valka asked, motherly concern radiating from her. “Yeah Hiccup,” Scott spoke from the empty seat at the end of the table. “Is there something wrong?”

Hiccup glanced up from his plate to make eye contact with the apparition. This had been happening for about a week now, and Hiccup was close to his breaking point. Yet, he would not respond to the ghost, since it was only an illusion of his own sleep deprived mind. He only glared at it.

“I’m fine, just not very hungry.” He responded to his mother, politely.

“You haven’t been hungry for a while now. Are you feeling well?”

Scott spoke again, “I’m kind of hungry, not very thirsty though. I’ve got all the water I could ever want.”

“It must be a bug,” Hiccup answered, interrupting. He hadn’t mentioned these ghastly visits to Astrid, or anyone for that matter.

“Must be nice,” Scott went on. “Being warm, and eating. Speaking. Having a nice family…and here you are, eating diner with my wife and my girlfriend. You just won’t be content until you take everything from me, will you?”

“They weren’t yours to begin with…” Hiccup muttered under his breath.

“Did you say something?” Asked Astrid.

“Uh, no, just making a mental note to myself.” “Gotcha.”

Scott called out, getting his attention. “Do you want me to leave? Am I bothering you?”

Hiccup didn’t respond.

Another conversation was happening between his parents and Heather, but Hiccup was just trying to tune all sounds out. But it was Scott’s grating voice that pierced through everything.

“Oh go on Hiccup, go ahead and tell everyone what’s bothering you. After all, you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. Right? Right?”

If looks could kill. Hiccup glared down the table at the beast that tormented his awaking life. He nearly bit his own tongue in frustration.

“I know what you’re thinking. Rational thought is trying it’s best to take over and get me to leave. How dare I bother you after all I did? Pretty hypocritical, huh? Because of course, I didn’t feel bad about cheating on Heather with Astrid. I didn’t feel bad about attacking you in the dead of night. So why should you feel bad about dumping my body in the lake? Is it that you feel so impure, Mr. High and Mighty? You feel like you have crashed down to earth from your lofty place of perfection?”

“I’m far from perfect.” Hiccup thought to himself.

This thought made Scott go silent, and when Hiccup raised his tired eyes from his cold spaghetti, the ghost was gone.

Hiccup breathed a sigh of relief.

—

After dinner, Hiccup, Astrid and Heather retired to the basement. All was quiet as Hiccup made sure the door was closed and that Stoick and Valka were engrossed in a Christmas movie upstairs.

When Hiccup finally came and sat on the couch next to Astrid, Heather could see the mounting pressure in his shoulders. He simply swallowed and rubbed his legs in a nervous tick.

“So…” Heather began. “About Scott…”

“Yeah,” added Astrid.

“Before you say what you have to say, I…wanted to talk to you guys about something that’s been bothering me.”

“O-Oh?”

“Yeah…the police said it was a suicide…but I know Scott. He…” She hummed in thought, and took out her phone. “He sent me a message the day he went missing, it said, ‘Heather i know you’ll probably never forgive me and i understand. Just wanted you to know that im sorry for being the worst. ill be out of your way soon.’”

Hiccup and Astrid just listened.

“The thing is…Scott and I weren’t on friendly terms at the time. We were both extremely mad at each other. And he’s the kind of person to hold onto a grudge. He was…arrogant. He wouldn’t apologize…and he wouldn’t commit suicide.” She shook her head. “It just…I think…it might have been foul play.” She sighed. “I mean, I don’t have any evidence to support it, but he and David did piss off a lot of people. But it just feels…off. You know?”

Hiccup and Astrid looked at each other, before nodding.

“Back in November,” Hiccup began. “After Astrid’s father passed away, I invited her to come with me to Africa, and offered her the basement suite so she could save her rent money.”

Heather crossed her legs. “I remember.”

“So,” Astrid continued. “We went to my house and began packing up my stuff…and Scott showed up.”

A clear dread came over Heather’s face as the situation dawned on her.

Hiccup continued, “I was sitting in the kitchen, taking a break, when Scott spotted me and attacked me. And…we fought. Astrid tackled him and got him off of me, but then I tackled him back. It was all kind of a blur.”

When he hesitated, Astrid continued. “Scott had tried to strangle me, and then went in to strangle Hiccup. I heard him shout, ‘I hate you’ and that he was going to kill him. So I grabbed a skillet and hit him in the head to knock him out.” She rubbed her arm uncomfortably, and closed her eyes in shame. “Only afterwards, there was a bunch of blood coming from his head and he…I killed him.”

Heather was wide-eyed and slack-jawed. But didn’t say anything else. Hiccup took over, “since his dad is a judge, I…I convinced Astrid not to call the police and I went and hid the body.”

“Where?” Heather voiced.

“I took Eret’s boat out on the lake, and dumped him way out there.”

Heather leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees while her folded hands covered her mouth.

“I’m sorry we dropped this on you,” Hiccup said, “I just thought…we thought you should know.”

“Thank you.” She said finally. “I know it was an accident, but…I honestly thought that Scott dying was the only way I was going to get peace from him.”

“Was it that bad?” Hiccup asked with a cringe.

“He was calling me at home and work with threatening messages. He messaged my friends and family to turn them against me…it was just a nightmare. So…thank you. Thank you so much.” She dissolved into tears.

Hiccup and Astrid both came around her and hugged her tightly.

“And it sounds so horrible to be thanking you for something like that, but I never thought I’d have peace of mind ever again!” She wiped her cheeks. “And his life insurance policy was still awarded to me…it wasn’t much, but I paid off our mortgage, and that’s something I don’t have to worry about anymore…” She shook her head, sniffling. “I feel like the maiden trapped in the tower and you two are the knights that slew the dragon keeping me hostage.” She broke out of their hug, her head clearing. “But I still don’t understand why you felt the need to hide the body.”

“Soren Jorgenson is a very powerful man.”

“Right, but the penalty for hiding the body is higher than manslaughter.”

“It is?”

“Yeah…” she thought, “I’d have to look it up, but I think it’s around five years. It’s one of those things I vaguely remember from my criminal justice course.”

Hiccup blanched, a frown coming over his face.

“Well, I won’t tell anyone.” Heather assured, collecting herself. “This was an accident. And I know you. Both of you are kind and gentle spirits that want nothing but the best for mankind. But if I may…Hiccup, I still think you should tell your dad. If just for closure.”

Hiccup was quiet, thinking.

“Are you sure you’re…okay with this?” Astrid prodded.

“I don’t know…” Heather shrugged with a mirthless laugh. “I think I’m in shock!” She shook her head. “You two covered up a murder, but of a truly evil man. I just…who am I to judge? I won’t say anything, since this…isn’t my problem anymore.” That final sentence was said with freedom, and peace. “He’s gone.”

“Bitch, I might be.” Scott spoke from the corner of the room. “And you’re happy about it? Your husband died, bitch. Maybe if Astrid hadn’t killed me first, you would have, huh?”

Hiccup frowned heavily in his direction, full of contempt.  

“What? I’m just saying what you’re thinking, Hiccup.” He smirked, “because, as you often remind yourself, I’m just a figment of your imagination.”

Astrid took a deep breath, and managed to smile. “I feel…relieved.” She told Heather, honestly. “It feels good to talk about it, and let it out. You know? And knowing that you…don’t hate us…it’s just…nice.”

“But you don’t feel any better, do you Hiccup?” Scott was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. “This didn’t help at all, did it?”

Hiccup closed his eyes and rubbed a hand down his face in exhaustion. Scott’s voice just seemed to suck the life out of him. He peered over to Astrid and Heather who were now talking animatedly, with smiles on their faces. The bags under Astrid’s eyes seemed to stick out to him. If this talk made her feel better, then it was all worth it.

—

It had been two days since Hiccup got any concrete sleep, and tonight was no exception. At around 4 am, he stood in the kitchen waiting for Toothless to finish a steak.

In the dim light, the only sound was the quiet smacking of Toothless’ jaws and the quiet hum of the refrigerator. Hiccup leaned against the counter, the cold granite chilling his arms. Outside, the world looked like a snow globe, and all was calm.

But within Hiccup, the guilt continued to swirl like an endless sea.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take, bud.”

“You don’t know how much more you can take? You don’t even know!” A sickly voice came from behind him.

“Oh, would you just give it a rest?” Hiccup responded, not bothering to turn around.

“I can’t sleep, Cousin. The current just keeps spinning and spinning me. I’m so tired…”

Hiccup glanced back only to gasp in horror.

The ghost behind him appeared as a bloated, rotting corpse. Bones exposed were the flesh had been torn by fish and sharp rocks. As he spoke, filthy black water dripped from his mouth and eyes and pooled on the floor.

Hiccup backed up against the counter, wanting to run, but frozen in place.

“How could you do this to me? To your own family? What about my mother? Does she know my restless spirit is trapped in the lake? Does she know I never found peace?”

“Stop. You’re not here.” Hiccup clenched his eyes shut. “This isn’t real.”

“I died before my time, Hiccup. I still had so much to live for…I still could have turned my life around.”

“It’s just an illusion.” He whispered.

Liquid touched his bare feet and his eyes shot open, only to see the floor covered in the inky water that still poured from Scott. Hiccup hopped up to the counter, only for the fluid to pull him back down like tar.

“Don’t fight it, Hiccup. This is your guilt, and there’s no way to escape it.”

“Leave me alone!” He shouted.

The liquid bubbled up, crawling up his legs.

“I will forever be your companion, tormenting your dreams and filling every hour of your day.” The apparition stepped closer, easily wading through the gunk that flooded the room. The appearance wasn’t like Scott anymore, and the voice sounded different, but still familiar. “You’ll never be free.”

“Shut up! Leave me alone!” He was now screaming, blind to the rest of the world.

“I’ll never leave you alone.” The ghost said, grabbing his face tenderly. The black liquid dripped out of it’s eye socket to reveal familiar steely green eyes. “Because I am you.”

Hiccup went to scream, but the bony hand closed around his throat. Only strangled noises escaped. He cried for help.

“I’m everything that you hate about yourself. I’m the evil within you. The sin that overwhelms you in your weakest moments.”

Hiccup clawed at the hand holding him, tears leaking from his eyes. “Let…me go…”

“As long as you hold this secret, you will drown.”

Distantly, he heard his father cry out for him. “Hiccup?! What’s wrong?!”

“What will it be? Jail?”

“Hiccup! Say something!” Astrid called.

“Or death?”

Hiccup took a shuttering breath, breaking through the horrors of his own mind. “I killed him! I killed Scott!”

Everything that had been haunting him disappeared, and he stood in the kitchen again, his legs trembling and his body drenched in sweat. His family surrounded him.

“What did you say?”