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damn-stark · 3 years ago

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Ch.10: I Hear a Symphony

Chapter 10 of Cherry

A/N: I really hope you all enjoyed the chapter, I loved how it came out. *cue in song Bundle of Joy from Inside Out*

Warning- ANGST, LONG CHAPTER!, Talks of injury and loss and grief, violence, FLUFF!!, swearing, SLOWBURN ;)

Pairing- Jean Kirstein x reader,

Episodes- 2x36-2x37

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

Good and bad memories tried to surface and distract your mind from the dooming thoughts that plagued your mind, but you were persistent in pushing both away. It was too painful to relish in either. Instead you basked in the feeling of the setting sunlight beams kissing your skin ever so gently, whilst the chilly evening breeze flew past your body and howled in your ear.

The sound of Titans, cries of other soldiers echoed everywhere, but you tried your best to drown it all out as you thought you were going to fall into your death. You hated the darkness, but you welcomed its deafening sound in your ears. Because at least hearing nothing was better than hearing the chaos that surrounded you. And you didn’t know why you were so willing to embrace death. Maybe because it was better than trying to get your hopes up with fake scenarios where you lived, when you knew there was nothing you could do. Or maybe because dying would make the heartbreaking pain stop.

But nevertheless, you were too hopeful, or too hopeless. Because as the smell of a Titans breath rushed in your nose and their drool splashed on your face, suddenly wire wrapped around you and reeled you out of the Titans hot mouth, pulling you instead into the secure and the warmth of someone’s tight embrace—Jeans tight embrace.

After your bodies crash into one another, suddenly time didn’t move as slow as you felt it did seconds ago, this time it moved too fast. Now every feeling you pushed back returned, while the chaos that the day had turned into welcomed you back. Pain also returned to your body, it was a persistent factor as the quick speed that Jean had moved in got out of control and made him crash onto the earth with you still secured in his arms. You both rolled on the grass until you both finally came to a stop.

Time after you finally stopped moved at its normal speed, unlike your pounding heart. You finally peeled your eyes open one by one and felt relief wash over you as you saw the grass and dirt in a much closer perspective. You couldn’t rejoice in the fact that you were safe, because that wasn’t true, you were still surrounded by mindless Titans. What you did do though was stay in Jean’s embrace a bit longer, just like he kept his arms around you, finding that the both of you were actually embracing the fact that you were alive, that he got to save you in time.

You stayed that way for a minute longer, it felt like longer, but it was only a minute, or even a few seconds longer. After that you quickly pulled away and met his shocked gaze, noticing his cheeks were a very soft shade of pink as he noticed you were on top of him. Jean didn’t say anything, he actually felt like his words ceased to exist from his head until you slid off him. He could find his composure after that and was quick to drop the…weird tension and instead slap his hands on your shoulders to begin pestering you. “Y/N, are you okay? Did that asshole hurt you?”

You shake your head and offer him a faint but assuring smile. “No he didn’t. I’m just a little bruised, but I’m fine.” You scan his body as he sits up, and let out a relieved breath when you find no injuries on his body. “What about you?” You ask as you lean towards him with your eyebrows deeply furrowed in concern. “Are you okay?”

Jean doesn’t hesitate to nod to assure your worry, pushing himself to his feet and helping you on your own. “Come on, let's get on a horse,” he said as his fingers slid off your wrist. “And stay close.” He turns his head to shoot you a warning glare, his once softened brown eyes, now as intense as usual. “I’m serious, don't pull anything reckless. Need I remind you that you don’t have your gear on.”

“I know,” you scoff with a pointed glare. “I’m not some suicidal maniac.”

Jean looks to you and the corner of his lips twitch before he eventually shoots you another warning look and then focuses back on your surroundings to make sure no Titans get close. But even when you finally got on a horse, safety was still not a guaranteed thing with chaos in every perimeter. When you look over your shoulder you see that Reiner was still surrounded by mindless Titans all trying to tear him apart. And even if you had the instinct to still worry about him, you couldn’t focus on that feeling and instead you fully focused on who he still had in captivity.

“What about Eren?” You ask Jean from the top of your horse. “We—”

“No,” Jean cuts you off instantly, “we nothing. You have no gear. And there's too many Titans surrounding Reiner, for everyone to be over there,” he sighs as he follows your line of vision. “But I think—” Jean suddenly cuts himself off and pushes his horse to step forward a bit as he catches something he quickly points out. “Look! Damn, Commander Erwin really is a devil.”

You make the horse move beside Jean and you catch only the final act of the scene Jean had seen. Through the chaos you see Erwin falling down to his horse with his blade in one hand, while the other arm you noticed was missing. It was an unbelievable sight, but it was true and not some hallucination from your exhaustion. “How the hell,” you mutter as you watch Erwin land on his horse, seconds before drifting your eyes to the sky after noticing Eren in Mikasa’s grasp. That sight also left you incredibly awestruck because she was injured but still fighting. “Incredible.”

And after Mikasa finally had Eren with her on her horse, without hesitation Erwin rode forward with his balde raised over his head to yell out a reassuring command, “All soldiers, retreat!”

Doing as he said, you and what was left of the Scouts rode forward to return home, and you didn’t dare look behind you anymore, you couldn’t handle it. All you wanted now was to get home, eat and sleep, you didn’t want to think of what happened or the change that had happened in a single day. You didn’t want to think about him, or what he did…even if you knew that once you lay on your bed and were surrounded by silence, that what he did would come to mind, even if you wanted to avoid it, every single memory and every ounce of pain would plague your mind and make you cry to your pillows. And maybe it was better to let go of it, feel everything once you were under your sheets.

But that time couldn’t come quicker because before anyone could get far a Titan was hurled your way, landing just a few feet away from the squad, disrupting the formation and causing you all to come to an abrupt stop as to not fall, or crash into someone else through the screen of smoke that came from the dead Titan. You tried to look behind you to see what sort of trouble was caused because of the Titan, but you couldn’t see anything through the smoke, not even Jean who had been riding beside you—once part of the smoke, and dirt had cleared from your phearial view, all you caught was Reiner throwing Titans like some mad man. Your worry after that heightened. Not only for you, but for Mikasa who had been injured with weaponless Eren riding with her. You worried for Erwin who was now missing an arm, for Jean, Sasha, Connie, Armin and the rest of the Scouts.

However you could do nothing to help any of them—“shit,” you grumble. You move further, but stop soon thereafter as you see Mikasa and Eren in the distance, both off the horse they had been on and a Titan heading directly towards them. “Shit.” You repeat again, clenching your reins and signaling your horse to move towards them.

“Y/N!” You hear Jean shout. “What the hell did I tell you!” Both him and Armin fall at your sides and catch what you had seen, all three of you noticing the same man from earlier that day, Hannes, with them too. “Stay close, y/n.” Jean repeats as you all continue to ride forward the trio ahead, catching the old man swinging around the Titan that had been heading their way. “Give the old man backup!”

Right as the three of you sped up however a loud whooshing sound catches your attention. You look over your shoulder and see that Reiner had hurled yet more Titans your way, you then have to stop as to not fall from the impact—“Reiner?” Armin gasped as you both looked over at him in the distance. “What’s he doing?! Does he not care if Eren is eaten?!”

“He does,” you answer him, “he just doesn’t want us to get away.”

“Don’t get in our way, you big sack of shit!” Jean bellows angrily before the three of you continue towards Eren and the other two. But before you could reach who you’re running towards, you’re unaware of the Titan hurling your way until it’s too late. Armin and you catch it once it flies over your heads, but when you try to warn Jean about it, the Titan crashes too close in front of him and causes him to fall out of his horse. Jean crashes onto the ground with the back of his head smacking the ground first, the harsh impact makes him go limb, and causes your own heart to clench as your eyes widen out of fear of the worst.

“Jean!” You bellow as you jump off your horse without thinking, not caring for what could be lurking around, or what could crash nearby. Armin called out for you, he wanted you to be careful since you were defenseless, but all you cared about was Jean. Knowing if he was alright was your priority, it took over everything else and made it all less significant. It was selfish, you knew, but you were afraid to lose him like you lost Marco. “Jean!”

Come on please be alright.

You fell beside him and quickly cradled him in your arms, not fretting to lift him up to bring his chest close to your ear so you could try to hear his heartbeat—come on, come on, not you too, please not you too—you kept thinking as you pressed your ear against his chest, and held in your breath so that sound wouldn't get in the way of what you were trying to hear.

“Y/N—”

You raise your finger in front of Armin's face to cut him off as you anxiously wait, finding yourself closing your eyes while you wait for what feels like an eternity. You longed to hear what you craved so anxiously that once the sound of his heart beating echoed in your ears, it felt like music to your ears. You were filled with overwhelming relief and happiness that a soft whimper escaped your lips as you released that breath of air you had trapped in your lungs, feeling a smile tug on your lips as well. “He’s alright,” you assure Armin. “He’s alive.”

“Okay,” Armin nods, letting out a relieved breath of his own before his hands wrap around your arm to help you to your feet as you had Jean unconscious in your arms. “We—” Armin cuts himself off as he catches the Titan coming your way over his shoulder. He’s then filled with dread and worry since he sees that none of your horses were nearby. You were all left defenseless and in more danger than before. “Come on,” he urges you as he pulls you away from the open field and stops under a tree.

Armin let’s go of your arm and steps in front of you to try his best at protecting Jean and you from the Titan who posed a threat before you. You wanted to try anything, you wanted to help Armin as he waved his blade at the Titan, but all you could do was hear the chaos that was happening around, feel the thumps of the Titans stomps as they rattled the earth below you; but all you did was watch soldiers die by Titans, notice the old man they called Hannes get torn apart by the Titan he had tried to kill. You caught Mikasa and Eren on the ground, seeming to share a moment they probably thought was their last as that same Titan reached for them too.

All that came to mind again was if this was the end? After all the trouble Reiner had gone through to take you with him, to keep you safe, now you were closer to death again all because of his doings, not only you but every single one of your friends—his friends once upon a time too.

Death seemed certain again, and even if the beautiful painted evening sky brought you comfort in this close brink to death. Death was still something you didn’t want. That no one wanted. But what could you do but face it?

Nothing.

You were weaponless, injured, exhausted and stuck with Jean unconscious in your arms and Armin trying to protect the both of you with a hand grabbing yours while with the other he waved his sword at the mindless Titan. It wouldn't do anything, he knew that, but he was trying to keep you safe because he was afraid that if he left, if even for a second, that another Titan would grab Jean and you while he was too far to do something about it. You’d do the same you did admit, so you didn’t urge him to do something else. You held onto his hand and found comfort in that too.

But nevertheless, as death was just around the corner, suddenly everything went silent, every chaotic movement came to an abrupt stop and something in the air seemed to shift. The eyes of the Titan that had been in front of you shifted and looked directly past you, it’s body freezing for a split second before it stood up and it, and every other Titan that surrounded the area went running past you. The sudden change left you with your mouth agape and when you looked at what they were suddenly focusing on, the sight of them pouncing on the Titan that had once threatened Eren, and Mikasa only surprised you furthermore.

“What the,” you gasp, unable to finish your sentence from your disbelief.

“I think Eren did that,” Armin mused whilst he stood up with his hand still around yours.

You stood up too and couldn’t tear your eyes from the gory scene. “What exactly did he do?”

“I don’t know,” Armin shrugged, “but whatever it was, it has the Titans distracted,” he paused and tugged you with him. “Let’s go before they finish their meal.”

Not hesitating to listen to what Armin instructed, you hurried and climbed onto approaching horses and secured Jean behind you so he wouldn't fall. Seconds after though, there was another shift, this time instead of eating the Titan, their attention changed to Reiner and Bertholdt, and they began chasing them away, leaving the Scouts goal to once again come into play—“Full retreat!” Commander Erwin shouted at the top of his lungs once he saw Eren secured on a horse.

Again you tried your best not to look behind you as you continued your path back home, but it was impossible to keep yourself from at least stealing a last glance back. Doing so as expected hurt every fiber of your body and broke your heart more. You once would’ve been worried and panicked to help Reiner, but now, as your eyes fell on his Titan all you saw was a traitor and an enemy. As heartbreaking as it was to urge that thought in your mind, it was true and you couldn’t shake it off. The one thing you did feel pity for was seeing Ymir return towards the struggling pair, you didn’t know why she did so considering Historia was riding with all of you, but she did, and unknowingly it was the last time any of you would see her.

——

“Cherry!”

You pull your eyes away from Commander Erwin being taken away by the medical staff, to see Levi hastily approaching you.

The sight of his face brings a small tired smile to your face, but the exhaustion doesn’t keep you from meeting him halfway and throwing your arms around his neck to pull him in for a much needed embrace. Levi is as always surprised by the gesture, but he, as always, returns the embrace. “How are ya, kid?” He whispers as he moves a hand to the back of your neck to keep you close. “What the hell happened? You had me worried.”

Your bottom lip trembles at his questions, but you fight every nerve in your body to keep yourself from breaking down in front him. Instead you hold onto him tighter and bury your head in the crook of his neck, proceeding to mumble out your response against his shoulder. “I’m okay. I’m,” you pause to draw out a shaky breath. “okay.” You pull away, and offer him an assuring smile that he couldn’t tell was forced and hiding your real emotions behind it because it was well hidden by the darkness that the night brought. For once you were grateful for that.

“Actually,” Hange interjected out of nowhere. “Y/N, might’ve suffered a mild concussion considering that she hit the back of her head after Reiner, and Bertholdt transformed.”

Levi’s eyes snap towards Hange, and the grip he had around your arms tightened as they continued. “She also might have gotten a cut, or a small bump.”

“Hange,” you hiss as you pull away from Levi, and shoot them an intimidating and burning glare.

Said person just shrugs and excuses their reason for saying the truth to Levi. “I’m sorry, but I had to, I knew you wouldn't have said anything Cherry. You would’ve had me worried.”

You cross your arms over your chest and huff out, “tsk. I’m okay.” You begin to walk away from the pair and avert Levi’s scolding glare. “I’m going to go check on Jean now. Okay? Goodnight.”

“Hey, brat where you are going.” Levi protests after you, preparing to tackle you down if the need arises. “Come back here.”

You wave at them both and quicken your pace to run from their overbearing worry, but Hange is quick to grab your arm and drag you away with them both. “Come on,” they say, “let’s get you bandaged, fed and put to bed.”

“Huh? I’m not a child,” you sneer through gritted teeth.

“No,” Hange agrees, parting their lips to continue with a lighthearted comment but getting interrupted by Levi beforehand.

“But you are acting like one.” He scoffs. “And if you don’t want to be treated like one, cooperate.”

Hange leans their head towards you to bring their lips close to your ear to whisper something Levi wouldn't hear. “You know what I think?” They smile softly, “I think he loves treating you like a little girl. He misses it.”

You glance down at their hand around your arm and then meet their gaze, raising a quizzical brow to silently question their own actions with a simple look they understood by proceeding to just drop your arm with a nervous giggle. “Why don’t we hurry on up before you collapse on us, yeah?”

You sigh, and hide your threatening smile. “Whatever.”

——

“Fuck.” He groans softly, “what a fucking headache.” He rubs his forehead with the pad of his fingers and let’s out another soft groan while he groggily sits up in his bed. “Fuck.” He lowers his hands and rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands, dropping them to his sides seconds after and letting out a deep sigh as he stretched out every sore limb he could. His eyesight slowly cleared and he fully took in the small room that wasn’t his, but was forced to stay in for an injury he thought irrelevant. He thought of laying back down for a minute longer, but as he dropped his hands to the mattress a sound he suddenly picked up on in the room made him freeze. He was afraid to turn and identify what it was he heard, but he gives himself a quick confidence boost and slowly turns his head to see…you.

At first he thought this was some dream, like a very weird dream, but after he rubs his eyes again and his vision clears, he still sees you asleep on a chair. Regardless, he still didn’t believe you were here, so he closed his eyes again to see if it would clear things up. But no, everything was undeniably clear, you were balled up on a chair with drool running down your chin, and a hand hanging down from said chair. His eyes followed what your fingers hovered over and he wasn’t surprised to see a book you had dropped after he assumed you passed out.

But, why? Why were you here?

He was surprised to say the least, he was also beginning to feel something else he couldn’t describe, but he didn’t try to investigate that further when his question still remained unanswered. But he also didn’t try to wake you up to ask you directly, he saw you too peacefully sleeping in the uncomfortable wooden chair to try. Instead he quietly swung his legs over the bed to slide off the edge and slide his feet into some slippers.

However once he was on his feet, that's when he faced a small predicament. He didn’t know what to do, he’s never had someone asleep in his room; he knew he didn’t want to leave you alone in the room, that’d be rude, but he was truly lost. His eyes scanned the room to try and find what to do, finding no solution until they landed on your book on the floor. He then thought of picking it off the floor, carefully making sure to tiptoe backwards to throw said object on his bed, it was then that he finally noticed a small box on the bedside table.

He caught himself staring at it for a moment out of curiosity, seeing a small note attached to the box with his name elegantly written on the parchment. He walked towards it to reach for it, but before his fingers could touch the box, from the corner of his eyes he caught you waking up almost as if someone had scared you awake. He turns to face you and shortly thereafter it doesn’t take you long at all to sit up and face him too.

“Oh, Jean you’re awake, finally.” You greet him with a faint smile. “I’ve been waiting for some time now. You had me worried.”

Jean scoffs and crosses his arms over his chest. “Oh I’m sure you were very worried,” he remarks as he points to the drool dribbling down your chin. Your face burns and you’re quick to take out your cloth from your cardigans pocket to wipe it all off.

“Not like you can speak,” you retort and point at his bed head

Jean quickly brushes his fingers through his hair and does the best he can to fix it before he gives up and just ends up looking at you again. “Whatever,” he sighs out, “it doesn’t matter. What are you doing here?”

You stretch out your arms and let out a long yawn before you stand on your feet and stretch the rest of your limbs, hearing bones crack after that uncomfortable nap. “Well after waking up from some sleep, I came to make sure you’d wake up.” You explain as you walk past Jean, feeling his eyes follow your figure as you stop by his bedside table.

“Why?” He couldn’t help but ask.

You pick the box off the table and slowly turn to meet his gaze and give him an answer with a small smile on your features. “Because I was worried.”

Jean's eyes narrowed on you and he lets out a lighthearted scoff as if he had heard the most absurd thing ever.

“What?” You question with the box in your hands.

“So what?” Jean huffs out, “you waited for me to wake up to check if I was fine?” He leans towards you, showing that weird face he makes when he's mocking someone, before also letting out a breathless laugh. “You’re joking.”

“No,” you roll out slowly in confusion to his behavior. “Why would I be? I was worried for you Jean.” You tilt your head and your smile widens. “Is your head okay? Or are you suffering some sort of mild confusion after hitting your head?”

“No,” Jean scoffs out, whilst his eyes study your face to see if you’d crack and just laugh and say you were joking, to wait for the mocking remark, but when he noticed you weren’t joking, that your smile didn’t fall and the genuine look in your eyes didn’t didn’t change, he was the one that changed. The amusement slowly fell from his face, and his eyes flickered away the intensity they usually carried to slowly widen and show the hundreds of different emotions racing in his mind. He couldn't believe what he heard. He knew you cared to some degree, because after all you were best friends, but he didn’t know you cared so much as to wait for him to wake up after getting hurt.

Jean just couldn’t believe that he actually had someone who cared for him like that. He had seen this gesture once not so long ago (like days ago), and he was upset—jealous, because he wanted that specific person to care for him like that, but once he saw that she never even batted an eye his way he got slightly upset. Yet, now he was slowly coming to realize, as you stood in front of him with the small box in your hands, and a sweet smile on your face, that he was always looking the wrong way, that he hadn’t noticed that the person who cared that much for him was right in front of him. You.

Jean saw you now.

He noticed your eyes seeming to gleam brighter by the sun's beams peeking through the window and his heart did this weird flip inside his chest, and your smile made his stomach…flutter. For the first time it seemed that he actually opened his eyes, it even seemed that every color that surrounded him grew brighter, more beautiful, he even swore he could hear a sweet and nice melody in his head, something he hadn’t felt before. No. It felt different before, not as exciting or heart racing. The only problem was that he didn’t know what it was that he was beginning to feel. He didn’t want the feelings to go away, but he couldn’t necessarily identify them yet. Could you?

“You-you w-were worried?” Jean stammered out. Not at all making it any obvious of what he felt—way to go Jean.

“Obviously,” you scoff as you squint your gaze on his stunned face. “Why wouldn't I be? Hey are you sure you’re okay, maybe you hit your head a little harder than expected.”

Jean snapped from his stupor, blinking to drop his gaze while he took a step back and assured your concern. “I’m fine.” Instead he chose to focus on the box in your hands. “What is that?”

“Oh, right,” you glance down at the box and push it towards him, lifting your gaze to meet his. “I made this for you. I know you hate getting pampered, but I wanted to make you a small care package.” You smile sweetly. “To thank you for saving me, and because you’re hurt.” You want to fiddle with your fingers due to how flustered you felt, but the box in your hands made it impossible. “There's some soup I made for the headache,” you smile wider and notice that not once has he pulled his gaze away. You only wondered what was going through his head. “Trust me it works, Hange would make it for me all the time. And there's also stuff for the pain and tea packets. Just don’t tell the others, okay? I didn’t make the rest any.”

“Oh,” Jean says while he took the box from your hands and lowered his head to hide the blush that crept on his cheeks. “Thank you. Shouldn’t you be getting one of these too? Considering.”

You scoff and walk past him to grab your book and silently judge his unmade bed. “I’ve been pampered enough. Levi wouldn't leave my side since I got back, and he also lectured me.” You stroke your chin and continue, “It’s good he doesn’t know why Reiner kidnapped me.”

“Why did he take you?” Jean probed.

You drop your hand to your side, and look at Jean over your shoulder and don’t answer with the full truth. “Cause he said they could use me in his hometown,” you shrug, “whatever that means.”

“Or was it because he’s obsessed?” Jean snapped bitterly.

You slowly turn on your heels to face him, but avoid his stare. “It doesn’t matter,” you deadpan. “He’s gone and he didn’t get what he wanted. None of that matters anymore.” You draw in a deep breath and feel your exhale tremble with emotions the subject quickly brought up, but you made sure to hide it all before Jean could pick up on it. You hadn’t let yourself think much of it. You knew it wasn’t ideal, you knew you were going to crack eventually and feel it all at once, but you didn’t want to face those feelings yet. You were just letting the pressure build. Unfortunately so.

“And how are you feeling about that?” Jean asks what you knew he’s been dying to know.

You shrug and clench onto your book. “I’m over it.” You offer him an assuring smile he doesn’t believe. “I’m fine—”

“Y/N,” he cuts you off, sounding a bit more demanding, “tell me.”

“Jean, I’m fine.” You insist and tug your smile wider. “Really. Now let’s go get breakfast, or what’s leftover.”

Jean stands in the middle of the room as he watches you walk to the door. He wants to press on the matter, but he also doesn't know how to really ask you of your feelings. So he lets it go. Even if he regrets it.

“Also,” you continue with a genuine grin as you wait for him to join you outside of the room. “Can we talk about how impressive it was when you swooped in to save Mikasa? I mean wow, you should be proud! I mean, I am.” You smirk and nudge his elbow once he falls beside you. “This might be the moment where she finally talks to you.”

“Heh,” he feigns a laugh. “Sure.” His eyes drift to your face and he can’t help but smile as he catches yours.

*1 WEEK LATER*

“In the past I've done things. Bad things that are irredeemable. Things that I’m ashamed of.”—“I guess I wanted to know,” he exhales deeply, “if you’d hate me if I told you what I’ve done. If you’d forgive me?”

It all made sense now. You understood the meaning behind Reiners words that played on a constant loop in your head, your own naiveness in that moment made you nauseous now. The memory of kissing him, of feeling butterflies every time he was close, or walked into a room made you feel disgusted. Not in him, but in yourself.

You wanted to forget, tear the memory of him from your brain and poison every happy piece of memory with the truth of what he was, but one week wasn't going to do that. Perhaps no measure of time was going to cure all the dreadful feelings that plagued your heart and mind. Keeping yourself from crying wasn’t as hard as trying to forget, but it was still a chore, you’ve managed to stop crying every time you were alone, but you still did so at night under your covers, and sometimes when the feelings got too heavy for you to carry, you had to escape to your own space. Like now.

The night was chilly, the skies were clear and showing off the beauty of the shining stars, but bitter and annoying wind gusted past your balled up body on top of the castle's walls. The tears that rolled down the curve of your cheeks were swept away by the gusts of wind that broke through the material of your sweater's hood to howl in your ears. You could also hear other sounds that accompanied the nighttime besides the wind, like crickets chirping on the ground, and leaves from the trees flapping about while everything else fell asleep to wait for the break of dawn. The only sound that stood out and you picked up on was the creak of the door as someone pushed it open.

You debated looking back, you didn’t want to talk to anyone right now, but your curiosity got the best of you and you carefully peeked your eyes over your shoulder to spot that Jean had been the culprit of breaking the silence of the night. He didn’t say anything, he stepped past the door and let it close behind him. You could see his eyes try to find your face under your hood, but you turned your head before he could see your tears and puffy red eyes. And since he didn’t say a word, you broke his silence. “I saw him ride in, I’ll talk to him later.”

The sound of Jean’s lips parting sounded in your ears, but he still couldn’t find words. He just knew right away that the usual chirpy demeanor you carried wasn’t present; you didn’t greet him with a smile, a witty joke, or a stupid nickname. He even noticed how you were sitting, it was something that would pass by him before, but now as he saw you hugging your knees and resting your chin on your kneecaps, it clicked that you did this when you were upset. Seeing you like you were, made him want to speak up, but he couldn’t figure out what exactly to say. Or really he didn’t know what to say. All he thought of doing was joining you on top of the castle wall.

Albeit once you heard him sit beside you, you turned your head and looked the other way to hide your eyes. “Do you need something?” You mutter.

“I noticed you missed dinner,” he finally managed to speak as he handed you an apple.

You take the apple off his hands before you shrug and clear your throat. “I wasn't hungry.” You sigh and try to push him away to be alone again. “I’ll be inside in a minute.”

Jean glances at the ground below, noticing it was a far distance from where you both were. He couldn’t help but wonder how you found sitting up here so comforting, with one look down he already felt his stomach churn. Yet he didn’t move to walk away like you wanted, he scooted closer to you and continued to pester you. “What are you doing up here all alone?”

“Looking at the stars,” you mumble, your eyes definitely not even getting a glimpse of the sky.

“Oh? Well you know the stars are in the sky, right? Not on the wall.” Jean said, mustering an airy laugh that made you turn your head to look ahead instead.

And with your hood on Jean couldn’t tell if your eyes were lifted, but it did give him the chance to lean in and grab your chin to turn your head so you would be facing him instead. That’s when he took note of what you wanted to hide. He saw the tear streaks on your face, your red gleaming eyes and the sad frown on your lips. Knowing he noticed made you want to cry more—stupid—you thought whilst you shoved his hand away and looked away again.

“What’s wrong?” He instantly asked in a more firm voice.

“Nothing,” your voice quivers. You put the apple away in your hoodie pocket to rest your chin on your knees, whilst you bite the inside of your cheeks for a brief moment to fight the need to cry at the simple yet meaningful question. You had to close your eyes, but that just made the tears roll down. “I’ll be in a minute.” You insist. But he doesn’t move, he stays quiet. And even if his stubbornness made you angry, you were glad he didn’t listen. It lets you open your eyes and finally lift your head after a couple of quiet minutes to ask a question. Or at least the beginnings of one. “Jean, you said you’d be honest with me right?” You sniffle and let your eyes drag to the corner to see him already looking at you.

He nods, “right.”

“Well,” you swallow thickly, “then please be honest. Do you think I’m strong?”

Jean blinks and his eyebrows furrow to express confusion and concern to the vulnerability in your voice and face. It made him answer with a stupid answer instead of with the truth that he already had in his head. “What?”

You hook your fingers together and look away from him to clarify what you thought was clear. “Do you honestly think I’m strong? I asked Levi, y’know, but well of course he’s going to answer with what I want to hear, he raised me. So please be honest with me.” You draw out a shaky breath before looking at him again to finish your sentence. “Don’t lie.”

Jean nods and parts his lips to assure you with the truth in a tone of voice that was soft at first. It sounded weird to hear him speak like that….yet you couldn’t help but like it. “Of course. I mean,” his eyes widened with excitement. “You’re just like Captain Levi and Mikasa. Somehow. So yeah I think you are strong.” He wanted to add a lighthearted and joking comment but he saved it for later instead.

Nonetheless you still scoff and look away from him. So maybe he should’ve added the joke—“if I was like them, I would’ve done what was right, I would’ve known that Reiner and Bertholdt were our enemies all along.” You began to rant with anger seeping through your voice the more you continued. “We could’ve avoided all those deaths. Erwin wouldn’t have lost his arm if I was strong. But I’m not. Because even if I’m physically strong, I’m actually weak. I’ve always been. I mean,” you huff out with frustration. “I couldn’t even fathom the thought that they were traitors even if that’s what I was sent to do. And I should've known,” you scoff. “I mean…” you pause and shake your head. “I was close to Reiner. He said stuff that should’ve stood out. But it didn’t because I trusted him.”

“So what?” Jean quieres after, “you’re weak because you trusted people?”

You turn your head and meet his gaze to answer, but before you could agree he continued. “You’re weak because you’re kind?” Jean doesn’t let you answer, he exhales deeply and holds your gaze, his own voice expressing frustration and a hint of sadness. “They were our friends, and you liked Reiner as more than…one. I don’t think that makes you weak. Caring doesn’t make you weak. I,” he pauses and swallows thickly. Through the light of the stars above, you saw his cheeks turn pink, you didn’t know why, but they did. And instead of continuing with that comment, he flickered his eyes away and smoothly changed the subject. “If you think that makes you weak, then we all are because we all trusted them. But you’re not weak, I mean,” he smiles and slides his eyes over to meet yours, “you risked your own life to help me when I was unconscious.”

Your lips tug into a faint smile and you shake your head to add onto his comment. “I think that qualifies me as brave.”

“Stupid actually,” he scoffs lightheartedly, his smile tugging wider. “You’re strong because after all the people you’ve lost, you keep fighting. After all that’s happened in the past couple of months, you’ve remained yourself, you still have a smile on your face…” he pauses again and once more changes the subject as smoothly as possible. Hiding what he really wanted to say. “You’re strong. And I don’t say that about everyone, so cherish it.”

You giggle, and share a lingering gaze and a sweet smile, before you let go of your knees and let your legs slide down to let them hang them over the edge. You leaned in towards him and caused him to blush harder because of how close you were. You were oblivious to it, but he definitely noticed how close your face was to his. He even grew rigid and nervous. But again you didn’t notice. Instead you proceeded to make him more so with your question. “Jean, can I hug you?”

Said guy nods without hesitance, his blush blazing brighter but luckily not pointed out as you wrapped your arms around his neck, and he slowly peeled his arms away from his side to wrap one arm under your arms, and the other one around your shoulders.

It took a couple of seconds for either of you to find the embrace comfortable, it was just such a weird gesture from either of you. Yes, you were best friends, but physical comfort never went this far, if you ever needed comfort like this, you always had Marco. Plus Jean was a bit prideful so he never accepted comfort, or actually showed his emotions to anyone. Sure he got frustrated, but he never let people see him be down, not until the funeral pyres, even then you both comforted each other with half hugs. And it was fine, neither of you minded it, but that was the reason why it felt so weird being so close to one another, so stiff.

At first of course. Because as strange as it felt for the first few seconds, now it felt…nice. So nice. It felt amazing, like you could be in his arms for hours. His body radiated a warmth that engulfed your entire body as he pressed you closer. It felt so comforting, and safe; the way an arm wrapped under your arms with his hand gently balling the material of your shirt, while the other arm stayed wrapped around your shoulders and his hand slowly slid to the back of your neck and the pad of his thumb gently caressed the skin.

His hands also felt soft and not rough and dry. He also smelled nice. Being in his hold made you wonder why you’ve never done this before, sure Marco gave good hugs, but they didn’t compare to this one. It felt as if you both were in much need of each other’s comfort because you even felt him relax into your embrace. He was hesitant at first, you felt that by the way he had felt so stiff at first, but after a few seconds you felt his whole body just completely give in, you even heard him sigh out as if all the weight had been lifted from his body.

Neither of you wanted to let go.

“Thank you,” you broke the comfortable silence. “For saving me and for being honest with me.”

“Thank you for helping me,” he interjected softly, “I didn’t tell you before, but thank you.”

“Always.” You grin, “I’ll always help you. I can’t lose you too.”

Jean’s breath hitches and his hold around you tightens. There's a slight tension that you did feel, so you were quick to break it before it got thicker. “Also, your hands are very soft.”

He huffs out, “thanks?”

You smirk. “It almost feels as if you haven’t worked a day in your life.”

At that comment Jean instantly pulls away from the hug, placing his hands on your shoulders and pulling his head back as he scoffs out offended and bewildered. “Excuse me?! What did you just say nerd?”

You shrug innocently. “That your hands are soft?”

“What about your hands?” He argues as his eyes narrow on you.

Your grin proudly and you pull out your hands in front of the both of you to slowly turn them so he could see both sides. “Egg yolks, oatmeal and raw honey work. I use them all the time.”

Jean drops his hands from your shoulders and a smug grin of his own grows on his face. “Well I,” he points to his chest, “unlike other guys, I actually know what self care is.”

“Is that so?” You snicker while you swing your legs over the wall and slide down to the land on the stone floor.

“Obviously,” Jean puffs his chest out, “it’s what makes me a great guy.”

You look at him over your shoulder and express a teasing laugh as you watch him also land on the floor behind you. He falls by your side and just rolls his eyes at your teasing laugh. And before he could add a remark, your laugh dies down and your grin falls to a faint smile as you bring up something you had in mind to tell him. “I wanted to ask if you wanted to come with me tomorrow to where Marco and I would hangout. I just made him something, and it’s going to be our last day here tomorrow and I don’t know when we’ll return so I just want to do something small.”

“Oh,” Jean’s own smile falls. “Yeah,” he nods in agreement. “I’ll go with you.”

“Good,” you smile softly, “I've been meaning to go for sometime, but I couldn’t muster the courage until now.” You turn to walk back inside, but before you do something else comes up. “Oh and bring extra clothes, we’re doing something after.”

“What?” He inquired curiously.

“It’s a surprise.” You finally continue with your path back inside, but before you could open the door Eren does so first.

“Y/N, Captain Levi is,” Eren pauses and his eyes narrow on your face, making his comment change. “Are you crying?” He snaps his eyes to Jean and his gaze turns to a raging glare. “What did you do to her, Jean?!”

Jean scoffs, “nothing! Why would you assume that?!”

You walk past Eren and leave both boys to talk amongst themselves with a soft and happy smile on your face.

——

“When you said we were coming here, I thought it was just going to be the two of us.” Jean whispers in your ear as he glares at all of your closests friends following behind you.

Your eyebrows pinch together while you turn to look at Jean with your lips pursed together. “They were all Marco's friends too Jean.” You smile and look at Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Connie, Sasha, and at Historia slowly lagging behind the group. “He would’ve loved the company.” You shift your eyes back to Jean and narrow your gaze on him as he rolls his head to look back ahead in annoyance. “You’ve been acting weird lately, Jean. Are you sure you’re okay?” You point out, noticing that the question made his shoulders stiff and his eyes wide.

Said guy doesn’t meet your gaze and just nods before looking away and asking you a question that the breeze carried out. “We almost there?”

You look ahead and spot the big green tree that poked out of the tall green grass that you were walking through, you had spotted it for a mile now and the farther you got, the more you knew you were close; you could hear the running lake that the tree was rooted by, and the familiar sound made you want to run forward like you had done many times before. But you waited and just picked up your pace, having to look over your shoulder as Armin nervously spoke up.

“Y/N, you asked for permission to come out here, right?”

Your lips tug to a smirk and you throw a thumbs up that doesn’t reassure the boy whatsoever. “Of course,” you continue to assure him. “I wouldn't leave without permission.”

“Then why did we leave so early?” Mikasa quiered.

“Because,” you smile sweetly, “we need to enjoy the full day before we have to go into hiding. Trust me I saw the to-do list on Levi’s desk, we’re going to need this.”

“To-do list?” Sasha probed with concern.

Eren looked back at her and said what you were going to respond with. “Welcome to the Levi squad, besides fighting Titans we’re also a cleaning unit. You’ll have fun.”

“Loads of it,” you snicker as you look back ahead and notice that you were now out of the grass field and seeing the big tree, and blue gleaming lake for the first time in three years. The sight of something so meaningful to you made your smile fall to a frown, and brought tears to your eyes. You stopped in your tracks not seconds after your eyes fell on the scene ahead, and everyone else stopped behind you. Nobody pushed you to move forward, they let you reminisce on the memories that began to surface in your head.

They were all so sweet and nostalgic now. They were heartbreaking knowing that the boy you had met here would no longer be able to come back again like he said he would. You would no longer hear his laugh that echoed quietly with the memories that played in your head, you would no longer see his smile every time he came here to enjoy the sun, or the refreshing lake on a hot summer day. Marco was gone and he would no longer be able to draw out what you both found in your field journals, he wouldn’t be here to talk to you anymore. He was gone and all you had were memories of him. Old memories that wouldn’t be replaced by new ones.

“Come on,” you say to everyone as you walk towards the tree, stopping just in front of its trunk to smile softly at the names that were carved on the bark. Tears wanted to break through, but you held them back while you felt the carving of Marcos name under your fingertips as you gently ran your hand over it. Your name was carved out besides his and you couldn’t help but notice that they seemed to be carved a lot lower than you remembered.

“Marco, you came!” The memory of your voice played.

“Of course!” You remembered him smile as he saw you hang down from the tree branch. “I’ll always come.”

Your smile wobbled at the playing memory, but before you could let yourself cry you slid the bag strap off your shoulder, and opened the flap to pull out a small headstone. You followed by kneeling down on the grass, and placing the headstone on the ground beside you to begin digging a small crater on the ground; not caring that your pants or your hands were going to get dirty. And at first you were doing the task alone, but soon thereafter Eren knelt down beside you and helped you as Jean’s concentration got lost on the carving of Marcos name.

Digging the hole didn’t take long since it wasn’t deep, the hardest part was finally placing the small headstone down and tucking it in its place. The hardest part of this was reading the words you had struggled to carve on the small headstone that read; “May you always Rest In Peace Marco Bodt. A beloved Son, Brother, Friend and Soldier.”—however, even then you refused to cry. Instead you smiled softly as you placed down a partially bloomed yellow rose that was surrounded by white lilies.

Before you stood up to let the others place what they had brought, you kiss the tip of your fingers and gently press them on the headstone and linger on the ground a bit longer. “You’ll always be special to me my beloved friend,” you whisper before you push yourself to your feet, feeling Jean’s hand fall on your shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze. You looked at him and smiled, lifting your own hand to cup his before you shifted your gaze to watch the rest of your friends place flowers, or personal items that they brought to place on Marcos grave. The only person that was left to place something down was Jean, you didn’t expect him to, if he wanted to, or if he didn’t, then it was his choice, he was here that's all that mattered.

What he did end up doing however, was walk towards it and crouch down to carefully stroke his hand over the headstone, he stayed like that for a couple of minutes before he stood back up and fell by your side again. After that a long silence was shared for Marco, where all there was to hear was the running lake beside the tree, the birds singing in the distance and the gentle breeze swirling in the sky. The silence lasted for a while after, before you quietly broke it. “Thank you all for coming,” you smile sadly as you step back to face them all. “I appreciate it and I know he would too.” Your sad smile turns to a small grin and you take another step back. “Now there are some things we still have to do before we have to head back, so let’s go!” You walk past the group and the tree to trudge on ahead towards your last destination.

“Where exactly are we going?” Connie asks for the rest of the group. “You’ve been cagey about it. And I know I joke around with you, but it’s all lighthearted fun, okay? So please don’t hurt me.”

You look at him over your shoulder and shoot him a pointed gaze before you look back ahead and finally announce where you were taking them. “We’re going to a waterhole close by. It’s a place where I and some of the veteran Scouts like Miche, Hange, Moblit, Nanaba and others would come on their days off. It’s very fun.”

The walk lasted a bit longer since your destination wasn’t far from where the tree was, and instead of walking in silence this time, small conversations were had behind you, you could hear your friends laugh and joke around as they followed you, even Historia as quiet as she had been was heard speaking to Mikasa. Even Jean and Eren were having a civil talk amongst themselves for once. All while you walked in a peaceful silence, and with a small smile on your face as you enjoyed the warm beams of sun hitting your skin, and heard birds chirping on the trees that you saw coming ahead.

When you walked through the small patch of woods that had the waterhole at the end of its treeline, you saw a fallen down tree and you jumped on the log and walked on it, stretching out your hands at your sides to better balance yourself on top as you looked overhead to see more birds singing up on the trees all around you. You would have kept distracted at the sight of the birds, but the sound of Sasha shouting out help, and Eren and Jean silently arguing pulled your attention to the scene happening behind you. And as expected it was a disaster, Sasha and Connie were holding each other to try and not to fall, whilst Armin took Mikasa down to the ground with him, as expected Eren and Jean were trying to race each other and trying to push each other off, but they both ended up falling, and the only one who made it across and landed perfectly by your side was Historia.

You smacked your lips and turned your head to share a teasing look with Historia before you both shared a smile and turned to walk off without them. “It’s just down this path,” you told her as you guided her, and the rest of the group catching up behind you, down a marked path. And once you finally reached the end of the treeline there it was, a beautiful blue waterhole; it wasn’t that big nor deep which made it perfect to swim in. Which also reminded you, “you guys know how to swim right?” You ask as you turn to look at the group.

They all nod and Jean steps forward to interrogate you. “Do you know how to swim?”

“Of course,” you scoff as you flash him a smug grin before you turn to walk to a poorly made shed just feet away from a man-made ramp, built down the slope that led to the water. “Hange taught me.” You finish sharing with him whilst you enter the shed and come back out with four wooden boards. “There aren't enough boards for everyone so we have to pair up.” You throw them all except for one down on the ground, proceeding to throw your bag to the side to begin kicking off your shoes, and pull your socks off before you take off your clothes and strip to the swimsuit you had underneath. When you return your gaze to the group you see them do the same, and catch Jean tearing his eyes away from you before you caught him. Luckily for him.

And with partners in mind, you consider Eren just because you knew how competitive he could be, but as you step towards him Jean blocks your path. “We can go down together.”

“Ah,” you smile nervously as your eyes fall on his toned abs and chest for a second—that’s impressive…wow. I've never seen him without a shirt on. Wow—you catch yourself thinking to yourself before you quickly blink to meet his gaze, “I was going to,” you pause and look beside him to catch Armin had beat you to Eren, your eyes shift Mikasa for better speed down the ramp, but Historia got to her first, so you had no choice. “Fine,” you breathe out as you pull the board closer to you and walk towards the top of the ramp. “I would come here with Marco and the rest of the veteran Scouts on the hot days to race down the ramps, or simply have fun.” You grin as you reminisce about the memories and turn to face your friends who were listening behind you. “It was fun just like mud sledding.”

“Mud sledding?” Armin quieres.

“Hmm,” you nod, “in the rainy season we would go to this hill not far from the grounds and slide down them.” You scratch the back of your head and sigh as you remember the worst part. “Albeit having to wash outside wasn’t fun, but Levi would get mad otherwise.”

“Let’s do it sometime!” Eren beams.

Your grin widens and you nod excitedly before you continue by placing the board on top of the ramp, and holding it in place with your foot. “Who wants to go first?” You ask, but see no volunteers, instead they urge you to go first after they take a step back. “Fine,” you groan—it’s not like we’re going to die—you look at Jean over your shoulder and smirk. “You trust me right?”

Said guy narrows his eyes on you and lingers in silence for a moment before he sighs out and nods. “Do I have a choice?”

“Nope.” You beam as you sit down on the board and then catch Jean standing still beside you. “What?” You question as you look up to him.

“I want to be in front,” he complains.

Your face twists into an annoyed expression and you scoff before you rebuttal his comment. “Have you done this before?” You don’t let him answer and do so for him. “No, so stop being a man about it and sit behind me.”

“Fine,” Jean grumbles as he hides his blush and does as you say, being hesitant as he wraps his hands around your waist.

“Okay, ready?” You ask happily.

Jean exhales deeply, looking at the water over your shoulder and noticing now how high the ramp was from water, how poorly it was built and how long it all seemed. He doubted this activity after he let his worry surface, but he trusted you so he nodded in agreement. After all, if you said Marco did this, then he could too. “I guess so.” He agreed.

“Okay then!” You beam happily as you tighten your hold on the board and take one last look at Jean. “Hold on!” And before he could back down, you use your legs to push yourselves down, feeling Jean’s hold tighten and your heart race as the adrenaline kicks through your blood. To gain more momentum as you slide down the ramp, you run your feet on the ramp and only throw them out forward once the ramp flies off into the air.

“You’re crazy!” Jean bellows after the board shoots off into the air.

You look behind you and smirk. “That’s exactly what Marco said the first time!” You look back ahead and in that second of time that you were in the middle of the air, just above the water, time seemed to slow down. When you roamed your eyes over the scenery around you, everything seemed much more beautiful, the sky seemed more blue, the sun shone a brighter and a more fierce yellow, and the waterhole appeared to shine like a blue crystal. The wind that rushed past your face while you were out in the middle of the air felt refreshing and freeing. For that slowed down second all the bad things that had happened in the past disappeared, and you were filled with overwhelming joy.

Through all the rush there in the sky, beside you, you caught sight of a beautiful blue butterfly flying overhead. The sight of its flapping wings brought a bigger and brighter smile to your features. You tried to reach for it, but before you could touch it, gravity pulled the board down and the rushing feeling returned time back to normal. And before you could hit the water you let out a happy scream before you pushed yourself off the board to cannonball in the water.

A couple seconds after your dive, you opened your eyes under the water to take in the sight of the deep blue water that surrounded you, catching Jean still under with his eyes squeezed closed, his cheeks blown out like a chipmunks holding in their nuts, and his fingers pinching his nose to hold in his breath while the other hand flapped around. It was a funny sight that made you huff out an admiring smile before you swam towards him and carefully grabbed his face, the feeling of your hands on his cheeks making him peel his eyes open but remain stiff as he stayed under. You shot him a wider and assuring smile and his brown eyes only widened as he held your gaze. You couldn't tell what emotions ran through him, but you did notice that he faintly mirrored your smile before he grabbed your arms and pulled you up to the surface.

“See,” you breathe out as you pull your hands away and run them down your face to wipe the water off your face and eyes. “Not bad.”

He wipes the water off his face before meeting your gaze and nodding. “No you’re right. Terrifying.” He says sarcastically.

You laugh and shake your head before you turn to look up and notice that your friends had been watching and waiting for both Jean and you to resurface. After they got their confirmation their figures disappeared and not seconds later Sasha and Connie came rushing down, both screaming at the top of their lungs and sloppily splashing into the water. After them followed Historia who switched partners and was now with Armin, and as expected she was in the front with a big happy grin on her face before she dove into the water and resurfaced with the same child-like grin; because she just like you forgot the pain from the week before, it might just be for the day, but she let herself enjoy the moment with you and her friends.

“That was so much fun!” She shouted as she threw her arms up in the air and splashed water at Armin and Sasha beside her. “I want to do it again!”

Lastly Eren and Mikasa rushed down the ramp, and even if Mikasa shouldn’t be doing this because of her injury, she tightly held onto Eren as he sat in front. And as much of a brave and strong person as she was in the field, here, as she and Eren rushed down, her eyes were closed, and she pressed her face on his back and had her arms wrapped around his neck. They both had smiles on their faces, with Eren having the bigger grin before they splashed into the water and resurfaced with her.

No matter what had happened before, no matter the pain you all were going through, today, spending time with each other in the water, took away from that and brought an overwhelming happiness to everyone. Everyone was making new memories that would stay with them forever.

“Having fun?”

You look to your side and notice Jean walking up beside you. You nod whilst you rub your hands together to try and get them warmer as the cold water on your body makes you tremble. “Yeah I am, are you?”

Jean wraps a towel around your shoulders before he sits beside you on the log. He nods and follows your line of vision to watch Eren, trying to pull Connie down into the water from their partners shoulders as they play their water game Sasha suggested—“I have to admit, you know how to turn a day fun. At first I thought this was going to be a disaster.”

“Ahaha!” Connie laughs evilly after Eren loses and splashes in the water.

You side eye Jean and express a feigned laugh. “Haha. Always so kind Kirstein.” You return your gaze to the group in the water and hug the towel tighter around your body. “Even if my nose is always in my books, I can be fun, okay? It’s just another one of my good traits.” You look at him and flash him a mocking smile whilst you touch your chest. “It’s what makes me such a great girl.”

Jean's eyes fall on you, and he rolls them as he shakes his head and lightly pushes you to the side, and making you genuinely laugh. After a couple of minutes it dies down and you sit closer beside him to once again look out at your friends in the water with a happy smile on your face.

“Marco would’ve loved this,” Jean muses.

“Yeah,” you assure him in a whisper. “He would’ve.”

Jean's eyes flicker away from your friends and he steals a longing glance at you. He thinks you would be too busy watching Sasha wrestle with Historia that you wouldn't notice, after all he’s never had it happen, but this time it was different, you didn’t catch him staring because he was swift to look away, but you did turn to steal a glance at him. And knowing that, noticing your eyes on him made him smile because you did look back at him. He didn’t know if you knew of his feelings that he’s failed to keep discreet, but he was happy that you looked back at him. It made his heart flutter, and fill with hope that he wasn’t filled with before.

Maybe this time he would get the girl, maybe this time it would be different. And he knew you needed time after what happened with Reiner, but that didn’t bother him, he’d be patient for you. He’d wait. He just hoped that none of the upcoming tragedy, that all these problems you all were going to face wasn’t going to get in the way of that.

Hopefully not.

A/N- let’s hope our jean-boy gets what he wants and gets the girl this time 🤞🏽 let’s hope.

Tagged- @expectoscamander , @greenygreenland , @that-soft-lesbian-friend , @dai-tsukki-desu , @usernamehere91 , @avocadopoosae , @romancried , @victor-criss-bish @moo-moo-meadow

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dorovahkiin · 4 years ago

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Is Reiner's promise to Ymir still relevant?

(This is an update on my old post)

In the recent 137 chapter Reiner almost died again being surrounded by titans. Ancient titan shifters came to help - one of them was Freckles Ymir who saved his life. Reiner was obviously surprised as you can see above.

Now I'm aware I might be delulu, but I think this is the perfect opportunity to address the promise again after being saved by Ymir.

Now some people wonder: What promise am I talking about?! So here's a little trip down memory lane...

Reiner's mission has always been to get back the Founder in order to avoid the rumbling. However, the consequences of this mission was that Paradis would be doomed. And that means Historia would be in danger either. Because not only Marley, but the whole world hates Paradis. Without the Founder Paradis loses its protection. Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir were aware of that when they kidnapped Eren in season 2. That's why Reiner and Ymir wanted to take Historia with them - she'd been safer with them than being alone in Paradis without the protection of the Founder.

So we record: Reiner's mission to retrieve the Founder has always the consequence to jeopardise Paradis and Historia. Because without the protection of the Founder the other nations can attack and exploit them forever. They fear and hate Paradis. Udo once said that Marley treats Eldians good in comparison to other nations:

Anyway, back to topic: Ymir knew Historia would be in danger if Reiner's mission was a success, that's why Reiner gave Ymir the promise to protect Historia regardless.

However, Reiner failed his mission in season 2. Eren managed to escape with the help of the scouts. When Eren controlled Dina Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir felt the coordinate and realised their theory was right about Eren being the founder. Then, Ymir commented Historia was safe for now with Eren (the Coordinate) staying on the island.

However, in rts the promise became relevant again when Reiner, Bertholdt, Zeke and Pieck tried to retrieve the Founder once more. Because if they would have been successful to kidnap Eren, Paradis and Historia would be in danger again. Before the fight started Reiner reminded Bertholdt of the promise he had given:

At this point I want to make clear that Reiner was even determined to fulfill his promise in warrior mode. In the end Ymir sacrificed her life, so he better be determined to fulfill it.

But the fact it has been brought up again means that Reiner took it seriously.

...

Now many years have passed and the promise wasn't brought up again. Because there simply wasn't the opportunity to address it since they weren't close to retrieve the Founder again.

The closest we got was when Marley invaded Paradis right before the rumbling. But they failed yet again.

And now, right NOW after 137, there is the next and probably the last opportunity the promise could have relevance. Why?

After Zeke's death the rumbling stopped. Jean blew up Eren's titan's head. I guess Eren is pretty much done and will die next chapter (I believe in Reiner Helos theory btw).

But the rumbling being stopped and Eren being dead would have the consequence that Paradis is in danger again. Eren genocided a lot people, but not the whole world population. There are still many people left who could harm Paradis. Unless they'd be like: "Ok, never mind, we're good now", but I could imagine they now hate Paradis more than ever. As a consequence, Historia would be in danger again either.

And here's where Reiner's promise is relevant again. It was nice Ymir saved Reiner last chapter and I hope it reminded him of it again. And it's nice to see Ymir doesn't support genocide either and I wouldn't have expected otherwise from her. Because even if it harms Historia's safety genocide is just insane.

I wonder what Ymir would have told Reiner in 137 if she was able to talk to him.

Now imagine Reiner kills Eren next chapter and through that titan powers cease to exist. Don't know if that's possible, just a thought. Titan powers are the reason everyone fears Paradis. What I wonder though is if the world still hates Paradis if titan powers are destroyed. I couldn't blame them at least after Eren almost genocided the whole world lol.

With two chapters left I'm afraid not everything will be concluded, but let's see what Isayama has planned.

But either way, Reiner's whole arc has always been about becoming a saviour.

#Reiner #reiner braun #reikuri #reihisu #yumihisu #yumikuri #snk 137 #shingeki no kyojin #historia reiss #Ymir #historia x reiner #reiner x krista #reiner x historia

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extremelyblackandwhite · 4 years ago

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the unseen one - 30

Pairing: Hades!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: none

A/N: i’ve been foreshadowing this ending since like mid fic and i’m proud for not giving up on this ending which i almost did but thankfully i did (yay plot consistency). i’m rly emotional about finishing another fanfic, it’s been such a joyful ride and i wanna thank everyone who commented and liked/reblogged my work for these past months, you guys are fantastic. enjoy xx

A kaleidoscope. A kaleidoscope was the first thing that broke through the darkness in various shades of pink, white, and grey. The images were blurry and the colours vibrant as it spun through the darkness, soon enough becoming the only thing occupying what once was a sea of darkness. The once silence that wrapped itself around like a tight hug gave way to the sound of stream water, sounds of nature and spring slightly blooming in her ear drums. What once was nothing was blooming and alive.

A warm feeling settled over her chest and in a harsh move she opened her eyes, raising her chest and gasping up for air. The first sight was bloom, the perfect utopia of what spring sounded like in every song and every fairytale with various different flowers and tones of various colours. She looked down at her hands, noticing how warm they were, almost too warm and as she was about to snap her head back, petals started falling onto her palms.

She should be scared, but she somehow wasn’t and as if it had been a taught movement, her hands moved up to her hair, feeling more white petals falling on her palms and legs. Y/N looked around, not understanding where she was standing or where she was for that matter. She was surrounded by a blooming environment, blooming so slowly yet so fast she could see the flower buttons open.

Slowly but surely her senses started to recover to her, noticing the cold marbled stone she was sat on and the warm sun hit her skin. Bucky. Was Bucky alright? Where was Bucky? Her mind couldn’t wrap itself around her last memory of Bucky’s terrified face. Was he okay? Where was he? She was removed of her line of thinking by a shattering sound. Y/N immediately turned her head towards the sound seeing Hecate mouth wide open as if she had seen something fantastic.

- Where’s Bucky? - her voice came rather raspy but the goddess of witchcraft was still standing there wondering if Gaia was playing tricks on her. Dead mortals don’t come back to life. Dear gods, dead mortals who gain the hatred of half the pantheon don’t come back to to life as part of the pantheon itself. - Where’s Bucky?!

She questioned again, turning around and placing her bare feet on the grass patch yet unlike normal, the grass did not turn dark green, instead blooming from her steps as if she herself controlled nature. Hecate stopped her by putting herself in front of Y/N. She knew better not to annoy a newly born goddess specially because she didn’t seem to know what she was and therefore had little to no grip with what she could do.

- I’ll get someone to get him, you need to sit down. - she motioned for Y/N to sit down as carefully as someone handling a bomb. Hecate quickly send a equally confused nymph to go grab the incredibly depressed god of the Underworld.

Y/N sat down against the bark of a cherry blossom, looking at Hecate who had a very confused yet careful look in her eyes. The goddess of witchcraft sat next to Y/N as more petals started to fall on her hands. She had forgotten how it was to be next to a very nervous goddess of spring.

- Where are these coming from? - Y/N threw the bunch of petals onto the ground, noticing they kept falling onto her hands.

- They’re coming from you. You need to stop stressing or they’ll keep showing up. No harsh emotions, just breathe.

- Why are you talking to me as if I were going into labor? - more petals fell off making her huff, throwing another bunch on the ground. - What’s going on?

- In the easiest ways of putting it in ... I would say you’re ... well, the goddess of Spring. - she pointed out at the once dead grooves which were now blooming like the rest of the Elysium. Damn, it was better than the rest of the Elysium with his beautiful tall blossom and fruit trees with a substantial amount of flower bushes and other grass weeds.

- The goddess of Spring no longer exists, Bucky told me so. - she replied, very overprotective over the answer she had gotten from her beloved. Like an expression of her huffing, more flower petals fell over on top of her hands.

- Goddesses doesn’t cease to exist, specially a goddess responsible for a whole season. They are ... chosen if they cease to exist. The titans seem to have chosen ... well ... I guess you.

- That is not funny. - she got up from her sitting position, once again smoothing over the petals that had stuck to the fabric of her gown. Hecate surely was not her biggest fan but she knew what she was and she definitely was not a goddess. At least she didn’t felt like one. How did goddesses even feel? Did they fell any different from mortals? She was about to question Hecate about that fact when two nymphs entered the grooves pulling a very unwilling God of the Underworld with them.

Y/N turned to face him, the first thing calling her attention was the stubble turned beard and the dark bags under his now very wide awake blue eyes almost as if he wasn’t expecting her to be there. Y/N rushed over to him, wrapping her arms around his neck, burying her nose in the space between his neck and neck. Bucky stood still wondering if he was dreaming again or if he had finally managed to overdose himself with ambrosia but no, she was there, she was there with her arms wrapped around him and flowers blooming from the top of her head and dropping onto him. His eyes settled on Hecate who had the same surprised eyes yet slightly less than him.

Y/N pushed back, noticing something wrong in Bucky’s aura but he was still staring at her. He caressed her jaw with his knuckles, thumb caressing the soft part of her cheek. Noticing its warmth and her soft smile he didn’t know if he wanted to raise her up or kiss her. He settled on kissing her, noticing the newly added honey like taste to her lips and more flowers falling onto their hands.

- I’m not sure if I adore this. - she caressed his beard, making him chuckle as he kissed her again. - Stop, when was the last time you slept?

- Long enough, this might be some hallucination of you.

- No, I’m here.

>>>>>

The Underworld was a mess and that was something that came rather lightly from Y/N’s point of view as it normally used to be constantly messy full of dead souls and unruly nymphs. However, today, it seemed like everything had broke loose and every single god, goddess, demigods, oracles and every single thing that could be considered mythical and gone down to the underworld for her coronation. Was she happy about it? No. Was James happy about it? Also no. They’d rather be in their secluded little spot of the underworld without anyone around. However, protocol demanded the new goddess of Spring to have a public coronation if she became Queen of the Underworld. Besides, Y/N was a bit way too cheerful to see those who had wanted that spot see her gain the crown to the Underworld.

- I’m going to catch you, sunflower. - Bucky chuckled lowly as he briefly saw the grass she had stepped on bloom with white roses. He heard her giggling in the distance and then it stopped, rendering him alone and somewhat lost and because he wasn’t used to the newly found sunlight, the fresh air and fauna that surrounded him in the Groves, he asked for help from one of the nymphs who were taking care of the flora.

An annoyed nymph turned to be face to face with her King, pointed towards a direction. He was aware that this was supposed to be a fair game, something fun that his beloved had come up with in the moment bored of coronation preparations, but he would rather be done with it quickly so that they could enjoy each other’s companies and bring her back to a very pissed and very stressed Hecate.

He walked and walked, listening always for the river that the undead and nymphs had spoken up and asking ever so often for directions for other servants. They would whisper a “Over there” and point or a “Go North”, and Bucky would believe their words because they had been nothing but loyal to him. In fact, much more loyal to them than others had ever been to him - he found that, in the afterlife, people - or what was left of them - were much calmer and kinder than those who were still alive.

Soon enough, he found his beautiful Y/N humming by the river. Her delicate feet were dangling and lightly touching the water that ran on the stream and her eyes were shut, head moving to the rhythm of the chirping birds and a small smile played on her lips. Quietly, he inched closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her to him and burying his face in her hair; it smelled of everything good about spring, from freshness to wild flowers and ripe fruit.

She giggled and kicked her legs up in the air, clearly enjoying the attention she was receiving but also no liking that her little game had come to an end which meant she had to return to the very much annoying job of preparing for the ceremony.

- Seems like I found you. - the God of the Underworld grinned against her hair, setting her on the ground but holding onto her hips, admiring her figure; her newly found position led to her being constantly adorned with luxurious fabrics, veils with beautiful patterns and so many jewels, mostly gifts from Demeter from all people, but somehow it was when she wore something as simple as a white dress enveloping her form and golden sandals that he found her the most mesmerising. The simplicity and purity that he had fallen so hard for that he moved heaven and earth to have, regardless of what everyone else said, regardless of how lowly they found Gaia to have named a mortal Goddess of Spring. She was always a goddess in his eyes but the actual title did suit her better than anyone else. - Did you have fun escaping your responsibilities?

- Would have been funner if you didn’t cheat, Bucky. - she raised her eyebrows at the man and crossed her arms, knowing fully well he had. How else would he know his way through the newly found Groves if he barely entered them. Sighing, she kissed his lips lightly and then grabbed his hand to take him to the nearest shade. - I’m sure Hecate sent you after me.

- Yes, she says you’re being quite impossible but personally, I was hoping we could have some personal fun. - he smirked, pressing a kiss to the shell of her ear, then to her neck and collarbone, making her shiver and push him to the side lightly. - Such a harsh no.

- I don’t need my nymphs to see that. - she blushed and fidgeted with her hands and wedding ring, sitting down and resting her back against the bark of a tree. The God of the Underworld chuckled and sat beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist. - But I can be swayed if you cancel the whole ordeal.

- You know I can’t. - he kissed her shoulder. - They’re already very upset over your decision of giving the souls of the Elysium their memories.

- They are much more happy and you can’t deny it. - she pointed out. Y/N had technically been a ruling consort ever since she got wedded to Bucky in a very small ceremony where no one but them were included. As such, Y/N had put forward a motion to give the Elysium’s residents their mortal memories back, something that of course had been passed as she was fiercely backed by Demeter who could put the fear in any god by just looking at them. It had made the residents much happier and Bucky much happier considering he could now speak to his friends, family, and most importantly Steve. She on the other hand had managed to reunite with her parents and introduce them to Bucky which managed to be their version of normality. This had however created a stir with Zeus who was still very much upset a mortal was now a goddess he could no longer order around. - This is ridiculous, why do they need to see it?

- It’ll just be for a few hours. Besides, I wanna see you become my Queen.

- Okay. - she shrugged. - Only because I love you.

- I know. - he smiled, lovingly. - I just hope you don’t change your mind, we’re sort of in this forever.

- What does Steve say? Til the end of the line?

- Til the end of the line, sunflower.

THE END

tag list: @philogrobizedvee @keithseabrook27 @inlovewith319 @nwbstan @romanoffs-heart

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rosaline-kei · 4 years ago

Note

If it's ok may i request a yandere!armin x mikasa fanfic set in the aot world? If that's comfortable for you of course.. I loved your fanfic, Bared and I am in desperate need of some arumika content.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titan nor its characters.

Title: Yandere

parts: 1/2

Synopsis: Unknown to everyone but his victims, there’s a side to Armin that he dedicates to protecting his beloved.

Rated: T / M (I’m not that sure; but it’s a fanfic about yandere so there’s that. Read it at your own risk. I might finalize the overall rating depending on the second part.)

Pairings: Armin Arlert / Mikasa Ackerman

Read it also on / Please Leave a Review at: my Ao3 / FF net (might post there soon.)

A/N: i’m chill with writing yandere stuff i guess? But remember guys, don’t be a yandere in real life lmao. I hope this was okay, considering i don’t really watch/play yandere animes/games?? I think?? Except for the classics y’know, like Mirai Nikki haha. That aside, thank you for enjoying Bare! (which y’all can read on my Ao3 lmao). Also, the time period / current time setting of this is messy but shhh.......

Control.

While many cadets would think otherwise, Armin had always struggled with control, sometimes even more than Eren.

Murderous urges never ceased to come creeping up his spine, crawling its way into his heart; strangling it and him entirely—pleading for him to let them go. To let loose whenever anyone goes a little too close to her; whenever anyone dares to invade her personal space, trespassing in his territory.

But Armin knew how to play his cards. Behind his innocent and naïve appearance, deep inside the insanity that dances around his heart like a frisky pup, he was an intelligent and strategic man, who knew how to play this game.

Killing Eren was never, could never be an option. Even if that reckless boy dragged Mikasa down into the turbulence that surrounded him, even if that dense idiot carelessly spat insensitive rubbish in Mikasa’s direction, even if one day he might finally become a sensible man, who was capable of loving her—he can’t kill him. And it was not just because they shared a history together, because they shared a bond.

It was because he knew Eren’s death would send Mikasa in a spiral down into the depths of hell or null. He had the horrid chance of witnessing it once; the impact of Eren’s death on Mikasa.

And it was because he loves Mikasa, he didn’t want her to suffer through that again, so he kept Eren and a few others that appeared to be close (but not that dangerously close) to Mikasa. He didn’t, and never wanted to see her hurt. Besides, he would often think, there are other fathomable and less bloody ways of making her mine, before anyone else.

For now, Armin wasn’t fixated in eliminating the ‘what if’ possibilities where Mikasa winded up with someone else that wasn’t him. For now, he chose to instead focus on his next step in this messed-up game. And for now, in this game, he decided to let them live.

Call him obsessive, but the blonde was lovesick.

Armin didn’t remember how his feelings escalated into this splendid travesty; how this wicked side of him woke. What he did remember was that one day, a day where Eren was absent, a day where it was just the two of them, a day where Armin really had the chance to admire and marvel in the Ackerman’s heavenly presence, did he start to fall.

“Armin…? Are you alright?” Mikasa asked softly, taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “You appeared… troubled earlier, was it because you saw him?” The concern emanating from her tone was enough to throw Armin’s senses off a cliff; and that was barely an exaggeration. Anything, and maybe everything that came out of her mouth was considered a melody to Armin.

Her.

Everything about her was a soothing melody. Her voice, her breath, her heartbeat. Even just her looks. That much was enough to compose a symphony in Armin’s head.

“No… it’s nothing.” Armin assured with a hum as he turned towards her direction, putting on the brightest smile he could manage in the dim-lit room that they were to rest in. For a motel in the underground, this far exceeded Armin’s expectation. Despite the poor lighting along with the peelings of decayed wallpaper hanging loose from the cracked, yellowed walls, Armin had honestly anticipated for the condition of this room to be much worse, with insects possibly crawling about, spiders readying to defend their territory or hunt.

Regardless, as long as Mikasa was comfortable, it was fine.

That aside, the last thing Armin had expected was to see that man who harassed him back then, when he was forced to doll up, dress up as Historia Reiss. Then again, the fact that the two of them were ordered to investigate these parts of the underground for clues regarding a separate issue (one that was fortunately not about Eren being kidnapped, again) was even more unexpected, bewildering even. The crippling world existing on the surface was chaos enough, and Armin would’ve had expected for Levi to keep them around in case that Ripper would show up since they were vital members of his squad. Or at least, not send two cadets on a mission alone, having to navigate the unfamiliar underground the first time by themselves, with a poorly drawn map that could’ve been mistaken with a child’s doodle. Then again, as much as he’d like to question his decision, he didn’t have an opportunity to. Who knows what was going behind the scenes? Armin couldn’t help but ponder.

On the bright side, he was alone with Mikasa.

On the darker side, however…

“If anything, I should be asking you that, Mikasa.” Armin remarked, his smile and other features morphing into something more worried. “You looked… uncomfortable, out there.” It took him every ounce of effort to not let his maliciousness seep through and poison his tone when he thought back to the stares Mikasa received—particularly by one herd of obnoxious barbarians that were bold and foolish enough to cackle out inappropriately snide remarks about her oriental features as they made their way towards the bar.

It made his blood boil.

“…I just don’t understand why people like them exist, that is all. I don’t have time to be concerned with people like them.” She said coldly; a tone and sentiment Armin hoped to never be on the receiving end of. What’d he ever do if Mikasa were to hate him? Or if Mikasa were to find out his… tendencies?

Armin didn’t plan to find out. He was a curious soul, but not that curious.

Slowly, Mikasa shifted herself slightly to the left side of the bed before patting the vacant right side. “Lay down… there’s room. Besides, that couch looks like it could be invested with termites.” She offered calmly, resisting a yawn.

“E-Eh?!” Armin stuttered, face flushed. He had been too busy… scheming, and had forgotten that there was a possibility of them having to share a bed.

It wasn’t the first time but… he wanted to feel her warmth, so badly, so desperately. He wanted to cling onto her, and never, never let her go. He wanted to be close to her, to be overwhelmed by her godly presence again and again. It would just be the two of them. No distractions, nothing.

Unfortunately, Armin had to reject, or rather postpone her offer, as reluctant as he was.

His hand stretched back, scratching the back of his neck nervously. “I… would love to, but… I haven’t eaten any dinner yet since we left. I saw a store selling bread nearby, so I’ll head there for a bit.”

“What?” Mikasa’s eyes widened, shocked to hear that he was running on an empty stomach. “I’ll come w—”

“No, it’s fine!” Armin reassured. “You need to… rest. Please.” He didn’t want to trouble her.

Despite his plea for her to rest, she stood up in protest, stomping her way towards him. The fierceness in her eyes clearly made it evident to him that she was against the idea. Cute, he thought. He adored how dedicated and devoted she could be to the people she made room for in her heart, he greatly appreciated her concern, but…

“But it can be dangerous—”

“If I don’t come back within forty-five minutes… then come looking for me.” Armin smiled. “Don’t worry. It’s just a quick stop, and I’ll head back. I can handle my own.”

Mikasa looked at him, stared with him eyes brimming full of genuine worry, concern and conflict. It made Armin’s heart skip and flutter. That look served a reminder to Armin that she cared about him, so much.

After a long tangible silence that stood between them (that Armin didn’t break, couldn’t break. He was too hypnotized by her looks; by her), she finally resigned and with a sigh, “Fine.” She said.

Armin was perfectly capable of handling himself, she knew that. He wasn’t weak. Even if he didn’t excel in physical strength as much as she did, he made it up with his brains; his intelligence that always aid in his and their escape in whatever tricky predicaments.

“But… please,” She muttered, her hands reaching out to grab his free hand, holding them closely, tightly. “Don’t stay out too long… the later it gets, the more ruffians are out there.”

“U-Uhuh!” Armin nodded, savouring her touch, her warmth, feeling the heat rising to his cheeks and a mad rush of blood surging. It was thrilling, and an expression nearly slipped from his control.

Control Armin, control. He reminded himself. Now wasn’t the moment for Mikasa to witness how much she had an effect on him. He was practically wrapped around her finger, in some sense, and he didn’t mind. It was relieving, he was glad.

Perhaps if it wasn’t just the two of them, he would have more control about his expressions that had a possibility of exposing what he felt for her. He loved her, but at the same time, what he felt for her was more than that.

There was no going back, now.

Once Mikasa had let go, he left, knowing that there was no time to waste.

As he left, he felt a wave of ecstasy swinging within him as he relished the lingering warmth that Mikasa’s hand had imprinted on his. Ahhhh! The warmth is all the same… He thought, humming to himself as he skipped towards his destination. Her touch is all the same… ah… sometimes I just want it all to myself.

Upon arriving at his destination, his humming stopped, and what took over was a determined look mixed with some animosity. Taking a deep breath as he re-calculated his plans, he entered the bar with a thirst for vengeance.

#snk #aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #arumika #Mikasa Ackerman #armin arlert #armin x mikasa #mikasa x armin #mikasa #armin #my fanfiction #my fanfic #aot fanfic #snk fanfic #snk fanfiction #aot fanfiction

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soyouareandrewdobson · 4 years ago

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Things Dobson mocks because he is too ignorant...

One “talent” Dobson seems to have, is the ability to alienate a lot of people through his opinions. And while he claims to be proud of that talent because he believes those he alienates are just assholes and racists who disagree with him CAUSE he attacks their abhorrent worldviews, the reality is much simpler; On average, people just don’t like him cause Dobson has no idea what he is talking about, which won’t however stop him from mocking the mere existence of certain things/interests and the people enjoying them. And those people tend not to be racists who want to see non-white people go extinct, but simply nerds and enthusiasts who like to enjoy their hobbies without the input of someone who won’t get over how he was bullied as a nerd back in school, but at the same time will bully you for being “nerdier”.

I could go into more detail how I mean that by analyzing a lot of his anime related SYAC strips as well as his soapbox strips on comic culture in a row. However, for the sake of “simplicity” I just like to go over one of his oldest strips, published around 2011. Back when Dobson was portraying himself still as a human. This strip alone will show how even a decade back, Dobson could just be an asshole to any “nerd” who dared to be into stuff he wasn’t, how he could manage to piss off many people all in one going AND be unfunny.

Now the first thing I want to put out is that I do not even think that Dobson’s primary intention with this strip was to mock others and their interests. See, one thing about So you are a cartoonist especially in its early days was, that it was in a way Dobson’s attempt to make himself look likeable in the eyes of others. He portrayed himself just as an Average Joe, wanting to make comics. This strip itself was even part of a series of strips I like to call “Things Dobson likes/dislikes”, which really were just him in each panel pointing at something he is into or not.

And honestly, part of me does not mind it. It is just Dobson’s attempt to show others how “quirky” or contrarian he is. The problem really steams more from the following two facts: a) It is not really a cartoon or comic if you think about it, because there isn’t a joke, punchline or story attached to them, just Dobson showing off what kind of person he is and b) that his “things I do not understand” comic is really mean spirited compared to the others if you look just a bit deeper into it.

Right from the beginning the strip is just indicative that this will be more mean spirited than Dobson will later like to claim it was. Otherwise he would not feel the need to say “chillax” as a sort of semi defense mechanism, cause if he really intended to make his grievances heard through “good fun” he would not need to say that. So from the gate we can assume its snarkier and more hurtful than it needs to be. So lets get through the things he does not understand, shall we?

Sports: I will admit that I am not really into sports myself, neither as a fan or someone participating in it competitively. I go to the gym however in order to feel good about myself and do something for my health instead of going every Friday to McDonalds. In addition, as long as you do not go overboard with being a fan or participating in it, I understand how sport can unite people (see events like the Olympics and Soccer worldcups) , and while I am baffled upon the fact that the salary of many people in sports (particularly soccer and football) are ridiculous high in addition to money they make with advertisement deals etc. I have respect for them. Respect for how they can stick to a hard training schedule, can take injuries, will do stuff for charity etc. Furthermore, unlike Dobson, I do not believe people who are into sports are dumb. Yes, I know the stereotype about college footballers and sports who only graduated because of their sports activities and are otherwise “meatheads”, but that stereotype does not apply to everything in reality, Dobson. Ever heard of NFL lineman Duvernay-Tardif, who also has a degree as a surgeon? Granted, he made that title only in 2018, seven years after the comic was made, so look a bit further and see what we find… Oh, look: Myron Rolle, college football player and later members of the Tennessee Titans and Pittsburgh Steelers around 2010/12: Has a bachelor degree in exercise science and in 2008 studied for a Master of science for medical anthropology in the UK.

Ron Mix, famous AFL and NFL football player forever immortalized in the Hall of Fame has a Juris Doctor Degree and after his work as a sports became an attorney.

And that are just three examples googled up in relation to American football. Other famous sports worldwide have degrees in medical and sports related sciences. Heck, one of Europe’s most famous boxer’s in the 2000s, Vitali Klitschko, not only has a doctors degree in sports, he is nowadays head of the governing party of Ukraine, following the independence of the country in 2014.

So stop wiggling your three sets of eyebrows and cease your smug grin and shove that periodic table up your ass, Dobson. I bet you yourself don’t even fucking know the chemical symbol for silver or titanium you Agonizing Twat who never got over the fact some popular kids in school bullied him.

Final Fantasy: I doubt Dobson ever even tried to play Final Fantasy or ANY JRPG, honestly. Heck, not only does Cloud look pretty wrong (anime hair seems to be another thing Dobson can not draw) but frankly, the statement of Cloud being an emo is false and is based on misinterpretation. Bear with me for a bit; Final Fantasy 7 is in my opinion a good game and it had a major impact on the series and the perception of JRPGs in the west. However, I do also believe that many people overhyped its quality over the years. Including SquareEnix themselves, who particularly around 2005 released all sorts of tie in and sequel games, including also the movie “Advent Children”. Or as I like to call those things, Tetsuya Nomura’s wankfest, because now all of sudden everything is related to some guy called Genesis, we have even more characters to supposedly care about than we already got through the original game, happy end override happens almost on every corner and “goth” aesthetics are everywhere. And Cloud himself became an embodiment of that emo/loner stereotype in anime and manga around that time, despite never having been like that in the original game if you ask me. Yes, Cloud in the original game went through a lot of emotional trauma and he was not like some happy go lucky laid back shonen manga protagonist. But he also didn’t come off as a pretentious fucktard who never showed emotions and shut himself off from his friends and allies. He was more of a determined person who still cared for others and wanted to stop Sephirot so no one suffered like he did. His most “depressing” moment was when Sephirot revealed his false memories, making Cloud question his own existence as an independent being to the point he was broken enough to hand the Meteor sphere to Sephirot, but that was about it. But hey, “emos” sell better, so SquareEnix tried to sell that aesthetics and others were just so dumb and further misinterpreted it as emoness being Cloud’s main character trait, when in reality freaking Squall Leonhard in his original game was worse than Cloud in comparison.

I also find the implication of Dobson, that Final Fantasy is pretentious in that panel funny as fuck. Cause Final Fantasy 13s’ pretty dumb story and wankery of clicheed anime tropes not withstanding, the average Final Fantasy game has a straightforward fantasy plot of good guys vs bad guys, with some twists and anime tropes thrown into the mix. The most pretentious guys in those games really are just the bad guys when they talk on average about how the world is suffering and misery, and even that is just straightforward nihilism to justify why they want to destroy everything. It is in fact so straightforward, most little kids will get it particularly in the first 6 games of the series, which are just set in more “classic” fantasy worlds to begin with. I am not saying the Final Fantasy franchise as a whole is flawless (I really am not a fan of 13 and its sequels, but if you like it, you do your thing) but you do not need a thesaurus to get why people enjoy it or individual games from it. So stop hating on an entire game series, which btw has actually some pretty awesome female characters in protagonistic roles in it too.

Twilight: Both an example of Dobson’s hypocricy and idiocy. Idiocy cause frankly, what is hard to understand why people liked the books? Twilight (in my opinion) was just a professionally published self insert fanfiction, in which Bella/the reader fell in love with the local bad boy who just happened to also be a vampire. Sure, a vampire in name only (seriously, if you asked me, the Cullens could be replaced with a lot of other fantasy creatures and it would barely affect anything), but that is beside the point. Shameless romance stories about someone falling in love with the bad boy who deep down has a heart of gold and just needs someone to fix them, are nothing new. So I was not surprised that people, particularly teenaged girls and other women, enjoyed it. It was the romance literature equivalent to fast food which just happened to explode in popularity because Young adult novels were a simultaneous hit and something needed to fill the void after Harry Potter. I read the first book myself and I thought nothing in particularly wrong with it, aside of the fact I thought the book itself was plotwise kinda dull. But that was not why people bought it, they wanted Bella getting together with the bad boy. The fact Dobson did not understand on what the popularity was build up on, is just an example for how Dobson does not even in theory understand how stories work and what it is on a pure technical level that makes them interesting and sell worthy to others.

As for the hypocritical aspect, that comes up nowadays when Dobson claims he feels bad for mocking Twilight all those years ago and how people were bad for making fun of it and Stephenie Meyer. That those who did it were like women hating assholes and still are if they do not apologize. Cause frankly, I feel a majority of people “apologizing” are just dishonest with themselves now. Apologizing primarily because in the eyes of some other people they look up to, if they do not they will be pariahs. Especially when extend of their initial childish disdain for Twilight becomes clear. I e.g. do not hate Lindsay Ellis aka the former Nostalgia Chick, but the fact she made a big apology video on Meyer was laughable when you see how she “stood” to her opinion back in the day to the point she wrote a novel to mock the kind of story Twilight did. Sure, she admitted to a lot of her own faults back in the day so there was also some self reflection to it and I respect that. But I think in a way this was also a tactic to just appease some other people and it does not take away that initially she had those thoughts about Twilight. And frankly, Twilight is problematic in a way.

Again, I read the first book and I did not consider it the worst thing in the world, just kinda dull for my taste. However, having read on a lot of things that happen in the book series itself, it is clear that Bella and Edward are some pretty horrid and selfish characters who barely get called out or face consequences for terrible actions. Take also into account the pacing of the story and you get on average a book series that deserved a certain amount of criticism from a technical point of view and Meyer’s at least being questioned about some of her decisions in the writing process. It did however not deserve book burnings or people mocking and harassing fans and the author, the former being mocked by Dobson here funnily enough.

Transformers: And what is it you find weird about people caring for cars? This is not even me being a cars fan here or something, I just ask because even that “explanation” is no explanation at all. He is just saying “I don’t care for X because I also do not care much for Y”. The correlation between the two is missing.

As for why people care about those two things Dobson, perhaps it is for the following:

Cars because people like the aesthetics, the technics, like to build stuff or get a rush by driving them. Transformers, because people just like action as well as the lore to the franchise and think giant robots turning into vehicles is cool, as long as Michael Bay is not involved in creating a story.

Furries: As with cars, likely aesthetics. Anthropomorphic animals have been part of our culture even long before cartoons (just look at fables, fairy tales and legends all across the world involving animals) so I assume there is even something more subconsciously involved with it. And frankly, I like furries myself. Some of them are way better artists than Dobson could ever be. That said, I do as an individual draw a line at furries that harass other people and show creators, hurt animals or are combining their interests with some really weird sex fetishes (two words: diaper fur). Which I guess do many other people cause there is a healthy amount of furries and non furries who have standards. The thing is just Dobson seems to think all furries are the same. Not to forget that for a long time he did everything denying he was interested in furries, citing his college as a reason for it cause people there installed a hatred for furries into him. A wonder then he would even enjoy Looney Tunes anymore. And honestly, himof all people mocking people for having a “sick” fetish? I am sorry Dobson, but compared to the kind of inflation you drew, I would say the average furry (as in someone who just draws two adult fursonas making out with each other under consent) is less “disturbing” than you. Someone who did not just inflate the female, at times underaged victims, but also made them pop/killed them.

DnD: I wish I had the comment Dobson posted on deviantart under the comic, as in it he digged himself even deeper with every panel and the explanations he gave. Just to show I am not pulling it out of my ass when I say for DnD one of the main reasons he hated it was that he thought nerds made the fantasy genre even nerdier by adding math to it.

Oh no. The fact people have to add numbers from a couple of dices together is too high of a math concept for Dobson. So those people must have absolutely no lives and are all just fat, bald and with acne.

Seriously though, fuck off. I am not into table top gaming, but whoever is, they shall just have fun. And stop body shaming nerds with the way you draw the DnD player here (and in that other infamous DnD comic he did), especially when you yourself look like a shaved egg in real life. Heck, did you know of all people Vin Diesel enjoys DnD?

Just let the people enjoy their adventure campaigns and come together once in a while instead of being shut offs like you, whose only experience with an interactive fantasy story involves playing Skyrim at 10 fps.

And yes, I am aware that Dobson has changed his opinions on DnD now thanks to some podcast. But based on his record, I feel that Dobson only did join it because it is now the cool thing to care on average about DnD as nerd. In addition he also did not own up to his past “mistake” till people just called him out on his bullshit often enough.

Klingons: Okay, I am not much of a Trekkie myself, but again, I get that people just like the aesthetics of them and the story crafted around Klingon culture within the franchise. So, just let them have fun with it. What is even the “joke” here? That people enjoy it despite it “just” being black Asian barbaric samurai in space, which is a very simplistic, in my opinion even outright racist description based on the choice of words here? Frankly, I am glad he did not just also add a racist Japanese accent to the guy here.

So there you have it: Things Dobson does not understand and essentially mocks for existing. And don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with Dobson not “getting” those things. Everyone has their own tastes, likes and dislikes as well as reasons why they are into it or not. I e.g. understand that people enjoy Bob’s Burger, but I myself really do not like the show much, because most characters come off as annoying to me in terms of personality and quirks. That said, I understand the visual appeal to it, if you like it that is fine and if you ass why I don’t like it I will give an explanation to it. What I will not do is make a comic mocking the existence of it, imply that my disinterest is correlated to me thinking there is also something inherently wrong with you if you enjoy it and build my disinterest on none existing issues with the thing in question.

Dobson however seems to have done that quite a couple of times and combined with his self righteous nature, it becomes kinda obvious why people began hating his stuff to the point that almost all of 4chan and tumblr developed a stern disdain for him.

#adobsonsartwork #adobsonartwork #syac #andrew dobson #twilight #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy #ff7 #sports #western comics #dobson being a prick to nerds #so you are a cartoonist

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magus-of-the-color-pizza · 5 years ago

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Beyond the Summary

So here’s the thing. The Story Summary came out and everyone on Twitter is roasting it for not being a real story. However, aside from one or two plot points (which I will identify in a second), a lot of people seem to be missing just how... rushed and plothole dense the story is? So, in order to properly address this, I’ve compiled this little list of grievances regarding the story in and of itself, regardless of the way it’s been “told”.

There were a few additional plot points that I personally felt didn’t make much sense, but which, ironically, could if they were developed well, which of course they will not be. I’m going to go in order with the Summary. Let’s get this over with, shall we?

-me after reading the Story Summary, 2019

Before the gods of Theros rose to power, the titans—horrific primal urges made flesh—roamed the mortal realm, sowing death and destruction in their wake.

Let’s get this out of the way immediately: yes, the titans make sense from a Plot perspective, but hey, did you know? Despite being represented on the cards, in the story they actually DO NOT BREAK FREE and are irrelevant! They are simply a plot device to introduce Klothys! The conflict of THB is unrelated to them! (Also, there are only 2 of them, which I find kind of weird but whatever)

Klothys, the god of fate, volunteered to act as jailer and sequestered herself in the Underworld for eternity.

Ok, clever way to introduce the new god, except for the fact that we’ve been told in the past that the Gods of Theros require constant devotion/followers or they will lose power/cease to exist. How did Klothys avoid this fate?

Ashiok's visions are more real than most, and in one of them, Elspeth seized Heliod's spear Khrusor. When the vision had passed, a twisted version of the spear remained, dripping with darkness and power.

For this to happen, it would have to be intentional on Ashiok’s part. It might be, but it’s weird to omit that. What were their intentions in granting Elspeth that spear?

Secondly, Ashiok learned of the Phyrexians' existence and promptly planeswalked away to learn more of these true living nightmares.

Ashiok is the type of person that plans miles ahead. If they gave Elspeth the spear intentionally to wreak chaos, do they not care to see what happens next? And what happened to all their plans regarding Theros and the nature of the gods and belief? I can understand they’d be very interested in Phyrexia, but it seems weird to just drop everything and go.

And when gods clash, mortals suffer the consequences. One such consequence took the form of rifts to the Underworld from which countless monsters poured forth. Erebos, the god of the Underworld, was consumed by this conflict. He hated Heliod most of all, and in his rage, he neglected to keep a tight grip on the souls under his purview. News travels fast, even in the afterlife, and Elspeth heard talk of rifts to the mortal realm. Realizing her work in the Multiverse was not yet done, Elspeth gripped her shadow spear and headed toward a hidden exit in Erebos's palace—but she wasn't the only one seeking escape.

This whole paragraph is... oof. The rifts are a super convenient plot device, not to mention Erebos’s slight mischaracterization. The whole image of Elspeth just up-and-leaving the realm of death is pretty funny, I have to say.

Klothys was furious. When Xenagos attempted to take her place in the pantheon, she was understandably upset.

I’m sorry, her place in the pantheon? Yes they both fall under Gruul colors but not only does the pantheon not have a finite number of spots, Xenagos became the God of Revels, that has nothing to do with Destiny. Also, Klothys made the decision to remain to seal the Titans, remember? She had no followers.

As Elspeth headed toward freedom, she gathered allies. Along her journey, she faced many battles and powerful foes, and she fought them all off. After each victory, she raised her spear high and proclaimed: "Behold, the true Khrusor! Heliod wields a fake!"

Aside from being salty at the fact that we’re just going to leave Elspeth’s struggles at the generic “many battles and powerful foes” (Who? Why? Where? How? When?), keep in mind that we are still in the Underworld for this part of the story. So the faith she is supposedly gathering for herself/the weapon by proclaiming its true nature to, I guess, random people that were hanging around while she beat up her foes (unless you’re telling me she gathered an army, which raises way more questions) (which will be relevant in a second) comes from Returned, not living denizens. That raises so many questions I think I’m just going to move on to the next part.

She also clashed repeatedly with Calix, emerging victorious every time. After all, she was a seasoned warrior, and he was freshly made. But with each battle, Calix did a little better—he was learning his foe as he learned himself.

This part might be the one that irks me the most, to be honest. As previously stated, Elspeth has defeated many powerful foes. This Calix guy, who is a masterwork of sentient mana-construct created by Klothys, wants to return her to her place in the underworld. So first of all, he finds her, ok, that I can accept. And then...? They fight. So Elspeth beats him up and leaves him alive? Or does he make a daring escape? Because they “clash repeatedly”. Did they just agree to meet every day at the same hour? Why does Calix not play it smart and ambush her if he can track her so well? Why does Elspeth not kill this severe threat to her mission? Wh- you know what, let’s just move onward.

Heliod stood in Elspeth's way, refusing her passage out of the Underworld. She could not be allowed to escape. She would be the end of him. She was the cause of all this. Ranting under his breath, he charged Elspeth with his spear Khrusor . . . which promptly shattered in his hands. For each time Elspeth repeated that her shadowspear was the true Khrusor, the onlooker souls believed her. And it was the power of that belief, that devotion, that caused her lie to simply become truth. Staring down the point of a spear that was no longer his, Heliod yielded.

Heliod’s descent into paranoia is actually something I really regret not being able to see in full (must’ve been some powerful paranoia indeed since it made him wage a solo war against ALL the other gods). What I’m going to point out is that Elspeth’s plan... works. Really? You managed to gather so much faith (again, from dead Therosians) that you managed to surpass the unofficial Main God of this world and his very much official Khrushor to become fake? I mean I know Ajani and the leonin did their fair share of spreading doubts regarding Heliod (speaking of, where the hell is Ajani for the events of this set?), but I really have a hard time seeing how Heliod loses this battle even though he is the one that started the conflict, yes Therosians may begin to turn against him but to lose their faith completely... I’m not sold. Also, Heliod just gives up? Damn, this dude started an entire war based on the fear he might be replaced and then when a mortal challenges him, he yields. This is a god that has erased entire cities from existence!

Erebos simply took the defeated sun god and placed him beneath a giant boulder, where he would suffer for all eternity, or until he was forgotten by his worshippers above. As for Elspeth, Erebos gifted her his eternal gratitude—and safe passage back to the mortal realm.

Like a random boulder? A boulder big enough to be a nuisance to a god? And why can’t Heliod just move? It’s not like he has the responsibility to hold up the heaves/surface/underworld, it’s literally just a boulder. Also, reminder that Heliod is the most venerated/important god on Theros. The fact that he is so nonchalantly removed from his duties and placed under punishment is downright absurd! Especially since the whole Xenagos thing was a huge controversy among the gods, who are, in a wonderful metaphor of the capitalist status quo by the way, way more interested in preserving their collective status as deities than actually going after the other gods, despite being rivals (it is canon that they have technically agreed not only not to harm each other but also to not interfere directly with each other’s affairs on the surface). Also, he’s alive! Who will take his place as God of the sun/day/light/whatever? Sure generations would forget him eventually but for the meantime, Therosians will just live on with no deity of so many important things? What? WHAT

After a brief reunion with Daxos, Elspeth planeswalked away.

Oh ok. So Elspeth is finally free, meets up with her lover, who has been transformed into a demi-god (is it reversible? Is he sentient? What happens to him now that Heliod has been defeated?), chats, and then leaves. How was their reunion? What did they say? Can Daxos be saved? Is he gonna be a regular Therosian now? Do they care about each other anymore? Does Elspeth get the catharsis/absolution she craves for being manipulated into killing him? Guess we don’t care, huh.

Calix looked on, his very being in agony. It was his purpose to return Elspeth to where she belonged, and now he could no longer reach her. But in his darkest hour, a strange idea sparked within him—and he simply planeswalked after her.

And finally, the line most people have been nitpicking on (for good reason). Calix is a freaking “created being”, which according to MtG rules, should NOT be able to innately possess a spark! What’s going on, huh? We’ve been bending “spark rules” for a while now (Jiang Yanggu and Mowu, the Royal Scions, Kaya’s ABSURD ability to transport non-planeswalkers to other planes) but this is a straight-up break. Also I love the “Rip to your mana construct but I would simply planeswalk” memes people have made about this, but one more thing. Did Calix miss the part where Erebos says Elspeth is free to go? What would happen if he brought her back, huh? “Oh no man don’t worry, she’s good”. Even if Calix believes Klothys’s will is more important than Erebos’s (if Klothys even still wants Elspeth back in the underworld after Erebos pardones her), how does he think he’s going to get her to stay there if Erebos doesn’t want her? Just gonna straight-up kill her? And again I ask, WHY didn’t Elspeth kill this guy? ARGH

-a visual metaphor of being a Vorthos right now

That concludes... whatever the heck this was. Thank you for listening and if you have any comments or additions, please let me know. I will say one thing: it is terribly ironic that the world that first sparked my interest for both writing and the magic story by kicking off the “golden age of mtg story” is also the one where the story is reduced to random blurbs on cards and whatever this garbage fire was. Truly a sad day for all of us.

#mtg #magic the gathering #theros beyond death #magic story #elspeth tirel #heliod #ashiok

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chillax-kass-w · 4 years ago

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After All | RM4

[Reiner Braun/Reader]

Happiness seems impossible for Reiner, but he may get there after all.

Read on AO3

[As a note, the format of this story is as follows: chapters actually titled “Chapter _” are current to the Marley Arc, chapters titled “M_” are Reiner’s memories in succession, and chapters titled “RM_” are the Reader’s memories in succession]

The evening of the infamous choice between regiments, (f/n) found herself leaning against the wall in front of the stage. She was next to a bunch of her friends, Annie, Armin, Sasha, and Connie to be exact. They were all silent. She couldn’t blame them. The hell that was the Battle of Trost was as cemented in their minds as it was Human history. Her legs still ached from the over exertion, the strained muscles still needing time to heal. She needed time to heal, too. As she focused on massaging her thighs, Jean approached. When she made eye contact with him, she saw something so faint in his eyes, some determination she’d never seen.

“Jean, you’re really set on the Scouts?” Armin’s question was news to her. It felt like the entirety of the Trost excursion had left her outside of their loop, and she felt it too invasive to question what they saw there. She hadn’t even asked Reiner yet.

“Yeah,” came his reply.

“Woah, are you serious? I mean, aren’t you terrified?” Sasha had jumped off the wall in surprise.

Jean tilted his head. “Huh? Of course I’m scared. I’m not an idiot here.”

“Then why are you—”

“Because I am scared of the Titans, and I wanna do something about it. But listen. I understand joining the Scouts isn’t for everybody. I won’t guilt trip you, unlike a certain suicidal maniac.”

Connie sighed. “Eren, huh. Guess he’s already been a Scout for a while now, hasn’t he?”

Before (f/n) could get a word in edgewise, a voice resounded near the stage. “Cadets, fall in! Head over to the platform! Time to make your choice!” Despite these words, Jean continued to stand in front of them.

“At the end of the day, there’s nothing anyone could say to persuade you into risking your life. Same goes for me, so believe me when I say this decision’s all mine.” With that, he turned to follow orders. (f/n) felt proud of him, despite knowing he had to have seen something terrible to change ideologies as he had. She stood to her full height to follow after him, but first she turned to her friends.

“You know, I’m proud of you guys, no matter where you go.”

When she lined up with the rest of the surviving 104th cadets, she felt anxiety well up in her. She could see the back of Floch and Gordon’s heads directly in front of her, as well as Sandra and Keno a few rows over. She wondered where they would go. She wondered where everyone would go.

What did their fates hold?

“Good evening. I am Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps.” The presence he held was immense. “Today you will choose your regiment. The reason I’m up here is to invite you to become part of the Survey Corps. But I should warn you. In the recent Titan attack, everyone here experienced what the average excursion outside is like. I’m sure nothing else in your lives came close to it. Though you’re trainees, you experienced sacrifice. As a result, I’m sure you came to know your own limits, and the terror of the Titans. Nevertheless… While it’s true we suffered heavy losses in this attack, the human race has advanced towards victory like never before.

“By now, everyone is aware of the existence of Eren Yeager. Through his actions and all of yours, the Titan incursion was halted and we have obtained a path to understanding the true nature of the Titans. I’m not at liberty to tell you much here regarding Eren, but believe me, he’s proven himself as an ally who’s willing to lay his life on the line. And we also know that in the basement of his old house in Shiganshina District are answers about the Titans that even he doesn’t have. If we can just get to that basement… I believe we’ll find clues that may free us from a century of domination by the Titans.” He paused to survey the crowd, and (f/n) felt her breath still. Hope was in sight? Her fist tightened over her heart, its beating a reminder of the lives lost to retain hers. “And yet, if we are to perform a full investigation of that basement room in Shiganshina, we first need to take back Wall Maria. In other words, our aim is the same, but now that we can no longer use the gate in Trost, we have no choice but to take the long way around, from eastern Karanes District. The path that took one of our battalions four years to clear is completely lost. During those four years, over ninety percent of the Survey Corps soldiers died. That’s ninety percent in four years.” If (f/n) was still breathing, at those words her lungs ceased to be. She knew it was crazy to join the Survey Corps, but she had no idea her odds of meeting Death were so high. A small part of her wanted to turn and run. “Even in the best case, sending another battalion to Wall Maria would mean five times the casualties and twenty years of work. Those aren’t realistic figures.

“The Survey Corps is always looking for talented people. Since many are killed every time we go out, we suffer from a chronic shortage of personnel. I won’t hide it. Those of you who join the Survey Corps will participate in an expedition beyond the Wall one month from now. A supply route needs to be put in place as soon as possible. I believe the mortality rate for new recruits going on their first journey outside is about fifty percent. But those who do get through it go on to become superior soldiers with a high survival rate.

“Now you know the dismal state of affairs. Those of you who are still willing to put your lives on the line, remain here. Let me reiterate, the majority of the people who stay here and enter the Survey Corps will likely die. Ask yourselves if you really have it in you to sacrifice your life for Humanity. That’s all. Those of you who wish to join the other divisions are dismissed.”

At that, a slew of cadets turned to leave. (f/n) recognized many of the faces. These people fought the Titans, and they decided it was best to leave the fight now. She didn’t know what the answer was. Looking at the sea of people, she made eye contact with Gordon, who only shook his head as he passed her. Floch didn’t look up from his feet long enough for her to see his expression. She felt overwhelmed by the fact that her squad, who she’d fought so hard with, who she’d promised to protect with her life, was leaving her in this moment.

Or was she leaving them?

She didn’t know. She barely comprehended the fact that Connie and Sasha stood in front of her, rooted to their spots either out of fear or desperation or some waning determination. Was she glad they were risking their lives with her? Or did she want them to turn tail and run, if only to preserve the lives most precious to her?

Did she want to run?

In a way, she did. If the Commander’s words rang true, she would only be signing up to see her friends take Sarah’s place. She would be set to be too late over and over again. She’d fail them. She’d let them die.

No.

She’d make sure they didn’t die.

There was no running to the safety of the Walls when that safety was undependable.

“If you,” came the Commander’s baritone voice again, “were told to die, could you do it?”

She couldn’t unearth her voice to answer, but someone in the back answered for her.

“We don’t want to die, sir!”

The Commander nodded. “Of course. Everyone, you look good. Very well!” His salute was the epitome of perfect, suitable for a figure such as he. “I welcome the newest members of the Survey Corps! This is my real salute! Devote your hearts to the cause!”

She turned her head with bated breath, barely wanting to see who embarked on Death’s journey with her. Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Krista, Ymir, Bertholdt, Reiner… All of her friends save for Annie flanked her, and yet again she wondered if she was glad.

“I see twenty two members in the 104th Survey Corps who have given the salute. You have withstood your fear well. You’re all brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect.”

The Commander’s respect only added more weight to her shoulders.

#reiner braun #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun/reader #aot #snk #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin

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hadesglance · 5 years ago

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All hail the new queen... - 22 (Hades Original Story)

You fought your way through the maze of the underworld to make a deal with the King…intrigued the lonely king listens…

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve Part Thirteen Part Fourteen Part Fifteen Part Sixteen Part Seventeen Part Eighteen Part Nineteen Part Twenty Part Twenty-One

You sat uncomfortably in the middle of the classroom. You’d put off some of your electives that you should have taken your freshman year, and instead of being in a giant lecture hall you were forced into a class of first years. Written across the board was the word ‘MYTHOLOGY.’

You laughed to yourself as you looked at the book list. “Anthology of Mythology” including the works of Homer and Hesiod, along with “Mythology: Tales of Gods and Heroes.” If only they knew the truth of it all. When you told Hades about it, he chuckled telling you wouldn’t have a hard time passing this one.

You had to admit, it would be interesting to be part of something that the world thought was fantasy. You were certain you’d provide a different perspective to things.

You sat up a little when the professor walked in. Your eyes widen in surprise as he was not what you anticipated. He was tall and handsome, practically like he’d walked off a movie set. Great hair, bright eyes, and a chiseled chin.

He smiled at everyone as he set his briefcase down, “Good afternoon everyone, I’m Professor Talbot. You can call me Professor or Talbot. I see my student aid has already handed out the syllabus, good.”

He turned to the board erasing the large word before picking up the marker writing, ‘Greek Mythos.’ He snapped the cap back on turning back to everyone, “Now let’s just jump into it. Myths pretty much originated from the Greek culture. Can anyone tell me why?”

You looked around the room seeing no one willing to answer, you sighed raising your hand up. Talbot smiled and pointed at you, “Greeks was considered to be the center a of civilization and they believed that many of the natural disasters were the work of gods.”

“Yes, can you give me an example, Ms…” He sat down on the desk in the front of the class.

“Y/N…” You shifted a little in your chair as everyone looked at you, “and…um…uh the eruption at Thera…then they thought it was the battle of the Olympians vs the Titans.”

“Very good. Not many people know that.” He looked down at a list on his table, “You must be Petrakis?”

“Guilty.” You made a face nodding.

“Greek then?” He smirked a little as you confirmed again, “Interesting, I don’t often have a student who actually was raised in the culture I’m teaching. Do you mind sharing if you actually believe in the gods?”

You felt heat instantly rush to your face being put on the spot. You stared at him licking your lips, “Uh…Yeah…I was raised to be a little more unorthodox then most.”

“Huh…” He smiled at you still a glimmer in his eyes, “That’s interesting, I’m sure you’re going to make this class much more colorful.”

You shrugged a little as he moved on beginning to talk about the topic you brought up. How Greeks didn’t have a way to express what was happening around them, so they invented Zeus and the other Gods to explain volcanos and storms. You tuned him out a little as you opened the book skimming through it occasionally as the class began to discuss the relationship of natural disasters and deities.

It wasn’t until they began to talk about winter that you focused back in. Talbot had connected his computer some time ago throwing up pictures on the white board. This one you knew very well now.

“The Rape of Persephone…” Talbot pointed at it as he explained the scene, “Hades, the god of the Underworld forceful took the Demeter’s daughter to his realm…He forces her to stay there, tricks her into eating the fruit of the Underworld, which makes her stuck there.”

“So, Hades is a bad guy in all this, like the devil?” You looked at a kid in the front feeling insulted.

“Yes.” Talbot pointed at him making you frown further.

“No.” You spoke up shaking your head. Everyone looked at you instantly.

“Excuse me? Ms. Petrakis, you have a different opinion?” Talbot leaned forward quirking an eyebrow interested in what you had to say.

You stared at him for a moment before taking in a deep breath, “Hades is not a devil, and he’s not a bad god. His association with the dead gives him a bad rep, but he’s really…a god of balance.”

“Can elaborate?” He straightened up curious by your statement.

“Um…” You looked at the image on the screen remembering back to Persephone’s visit and what she told you, “Take this image…everyone calls it ‘The Rape of Persephone’ when they misuse the word key word. You have to go back to its archaic root of rape, which is to displace, to seize, and take away by force.”

You sat up pointing at the picture, “There is not a sexual assault in this…he seized because she was bringing so much life into this world and it was making it unbalanced. It was when they resided with one another that they discovered a love between the two of them. Persephone was a young goddess and didn’t understand the way the world worked. Hades took the time to educate her.”

“Persephone was heartbroken that she had broken the balance and began to see Hades as a force needing help, but she missed her mother desperately. By the time Demeter got Zeus to side with her, Hades had made a case to explain his actions and Persephone had been in the Underworld long enough to need food which he gave her.”

You smiled a little thinking of yourself and Hades, “The meals the shared brought them closer together and soon a relationship blossomed. Everyone forgets that Persephone was the Queen of the Underworld and helped form the river Styx. She assisted Hades in the creation of his realm and the resting places of souls. Hades and Persephone are the very definition of balance. Death can’t exist without life, but what is life worth if there isn’t the risk of it ending in death?”

“So no, Hades is not a bad guy that our modern interpretation would make out to be. He’s so much more than that.” You smiled a little feeling a burning on your arm, “He’s everything this world needs him to be. He watches over every soul that departs this world and ensures that they are protected and arrive where they need to be. May it be the Styx, Elysium, or Tartarus, he made a vow when he took over watch of his kingdom to maintain it and protect it. He’s not a god of death, he’s a god of life.”

Hades leaned over the large table that everyone was at staring at the words of the prophecy. Since he’d brought you back injured to Olympus, Zeus had begun an investigation into it full throttle summoning weekly councils. Asking everyone to dig up everything they could to see what they were missing.

The problem was, there was nothing missing, and they had all felt the shift below. Something was unchained in Tartarus, “Are we sure it’s him? It could be anyone of them…”

“Hades…” He looked up at his siblings all staring at him. Several of them had their mouths slightly ajar amazed.

“What?” He looked behind himself to see what they were looking at. Seeing nothing he turned back looking to Zeus next to him.

“Hades…what are you feeling right now?” Zeus put a hand on his arm as if to get him to pause.

“I…uh…” Hades stared at him a moment confused but then he felt it. A strong stream of belief…devotion… He shut his eyes soaking it up as bits of your words began to reach him.

“You make it sound as if he’s real.” Talbot smirked a little.

“He is and he’s more then you’ll ever understand if you believe any of this rubbish.” You closed the book in front of you, “They painted a picture without seeing it all…None of the gods are like this. They are so much more then meddlers, and the fact of the matter is the new gods are muddling everything up with romance and hijinks.”

“New gods?”

“Never mind…” You shook your head a little smile still resting on your face, “You just need to know that Hades is so misunderstood, but if you look at him from the right perspective you will see this world would cease to exist properly without him. Without any of them.”

Hades eyes snapped open feeling power surge through him from your testimony of him. He looked around the room seeing a small glow around everyone. You had just stood up in front of a class of 40 students and declared your faith in them…in him. Everyone at the table felt it.

“Whoa…” Hera flexed her hands a little, “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt faith that strong.”

“Right…” Artemis smiled at her, “I feel like I could go ten rounds right now.”

The rest of the room began to agree as excitement filled them all. Zeus watched them all raising his hands up, “Now, let’s not be to careless. We’re all here for a reason. Just like we felt this now…we all felt the disturbance weeks ago.”

Hades sighed nodding his fears he felt earlier subsiding as he felt your faith rise in him, “I’ll go and look.”

“No.” Zeus snapped his head to him, “No…that won’t be necessary…send a message. If it was his chains that were broken…we don’t need him having a chance to escape when the door opens.”

“Zeus…” Hades tilted his head a little, “We should be sure. If Cronus isn’t there…”

Everyone in the room flinched at his name. Zeus sighed hanging his head, “I know, but I can’t risk it. If he’s there and the door is closed…he is still contained. Only you have access there, and only you can give permission to enter.”

“And me.” Everyone looked a Percy. She swallowed, “But only when I reside in the Underworld.”

Hades nodded slowly, “Y/N, does as well, but she doesn’t know it.”

“Then we’re fine.” Zeus looked at everyone, “Hades send a message to our guards in Tartarus. The tyrant Cronus will not roam these lands unchecked. Not under my rule.”

Everyone nodded in agreement. Zeus let out a soft sigh before he smiled, “Good…Spring is in six weeks. Hera, Demeter, Persephone…I would like to proceed as we normally would. Invite everyone…make it grand…I want it to be a party that draws everyone out of their hidey holes.”

Percy smirked a little, “Oh…trying to flush everyone out are ya?”

Zeus winked at her, “Darling, the Spring Fling is the party to be at to feel rejuvenated each year, dismissed.”

Hades watched his brother’s shoulders slump a little before he perked them back up, “You’re trying too hard to act like you’re not terrified of the situation.”

Zeus looked at him for a moment remaining silent before he smiled, “I haven’t seen you so glowy since the dark ages.”

“Is it that bad?” Hades looked down at himself, “Do I look Apollo in the morning?”

“Worse…because she loves you and it shows. It’s not a normal glow…it’s like…sticky and mushy…” Zeus reached pinching his cheek chuckling when Hades slapped his hand away, “I want you to not worry and go home and tell her thank you from all of us.”

“Zeus…” Hades smiled before letting out a sigh, “I’ll go in…”

“I said no.” Zeus’ smile fell his face getting very serious, “If anyone goes in to face our father, it will not be you alone. Not after what he did to you.”

Hades looked away nodding slowly. Zeus was right, he felt good now, but he was certain he’d falter under his father’s gaze, “Alright…I won’t, but the second you change your mind.”

“I won’t.” Zeus clasped his hands tightly on Hades’ shoulders, “Now please…go home. Give Y/N a kiss from me, it was quite a spark we all felt here today.”

Hades chuckled as his brother winked at him stepping away. He turned away fading back into his office. He looked at the work on his desk contemplating doing it for a moment before shutting the big black notebook, it was nothing he couldn’t do later.

He walked around the large home he’d created for you. Lately, he’d been seeing little things here and there that had changed. The house used to feel so…so rigid and cold. Now…it felt like a home.

You had left articles of clothing everywhere, claiming that it was cold and easier to just grab something nearby. You’d bought Cerberus dog toys, which he scattered all over, ensuring that he could run and grab one dropping it at your feet to throw for him. Then there were the splashes of color that you helped Percy leave behind. Painted flowers on the walls, growing plants that you watered daily, and more…

He smiled turning the corner to the living room stopping instantly. He choked looking down to the ground as tears hit his face. Happiness never could stay with him long could it…

You let out a long-exhausted noise as you walked in from the garage setting you stuff down on the kitchen counter. You stood there a moment looking around. Cerberus wasn’t there to greet you like normal, “Hm?”

You walked down the hall searching for him, “Cerby!”

Nothing. If he wasn’t with you, he had to be with Hades, so you began to walk toward his office and only stopped when you saw him next to his master in the living room staring out the window. You smiled as you changed your direction.

“Hellooooo…” Your smile faded as Hades turned to you. His face was covered in tears and instantly you were to him shaking your head with worry as you reached for his face, “Hades, what happened?”

“I’m so sorry…” He whispered taking your hands away from his face holding them between his hands, “I…Y/N…”

“Hades…” You felt yourself beginning to tear up, “whatever it is…”

“You have to go home…” He began to nod as he tried to explain. Everything was all backwards and he didn’t know how to handle this, “Your mother…she’ll need you…”

“…what do you mean…Hades?” You took in a painful breath, “Hades?”

He looked down to you mournfully as your phone went off, “I…”

You didn’t take your eyes off him as you pulled out your phone. Somehow you already knew it was going to be Jonah. You felt you nose begin to tickle more as you put it up to your ear, “H-hello?”

Hades watched as you shut your eyes large tears falling down your face as you let out a choked sob. You let the phone drop as he pulled you into a tight hug trying his best to comfort you in your pain as it only grew quickly. His eyes drifted outside the window where he saw your father taking Hermes hand to be guided to his eternal home.

When you calmed down enough, he helped you pack a bag before taking you home. He sat in the car with you until you were ready to get out. He helped you inside and for the first time he saw death on the opposite side.

You embraced your mother who collapsed into your arms. You were no longer allowed to cry as you supported her. Her soulmate ripped away from her too soon. For mortals it was always too soon.

Hades’ heart ached as he shook Jonah’s hand before pulling him into a hug. He only wished to let him know that his father left them all with parting words of love, but he couldn’t. How would he know that? Right now, he was just Nick…a doctor…not the King of the Underworld.

“Thank you for bringing her here…” Jonah spoke softly before letting him go.

“Of course,” He nodded slowly, “I’m so sorry…”

Jonah took in a shuddered breath tearing up again, “Yeah…yeah…he didn’t tell anyone he was…anyways…um…I’m glad you’re here too. I-I could really use your help…uh…the steps…”

“Yeah…” Hades nodded putting his hand on Jonah’s shoulder, “Anything you need…”

“Good…thanks…” Jonah swallowed before turning away toward the back slider. Hades glanced over to you before following him out. Your eyes were shut tightly as you gently rocked your mother back and forth on the floor.

How did you all survive this pain? He only knew your father for a few short months, but he left such an impression that his heart ached and felt shattered. Was this what he’d feel when you…

He stepped outside pushing the thought away before it finished. Swallowing down his feelings he began helping Jonah finish the steps to the porch. He watched the young man work through his loss by finishing the last project he worked on with his father. With every nail he hammered in he let us a small sob before swallowing it back down.

By time they finished more family had shown up. Hades shook everyone’s hand, took every embrace, and offered his condolences when necessary. This was not like the first time he met everyone. There weren’t children running around, or beers in the garage.

Instead everyone was there helping maintain the house. Everyone had a task to help with the preparations for the funeral while you and Jonah helped your mother. Your uncle’s stepped in taking care of anything financially, while your aunts took care of anything household related.

A meal was prepared, a prayer was said, and offering made to Hades to ensure Chris’ safe passage. He shut his eyes accepting it before looking up seeing you across the room staring at him. Grief filled your features and he wished with his very being he could ease it for you.

A few days later it was the funeral. It was simple, and more family arrived from across the country. During this time, he stood next to you, silent, waiting for you to call on him for anything. You never did. You remained strong for those around you.

The reception afterwards is what took him truly by surprise. Again, he’d never experience death on this end. It was much like his philosophy, balance. Your father was buried, but it wasn’t his body that you cherished. It was his life and your family chose to celebrate it.

He found people crying and laughing as he moved around the house. They told stories of when he was child that reminded himself of moments with his own crazy family. They spoke of moments when he stepped up helping other’s when no one else would. Taking over complicated situations, that in the end had everyone admiring him.

Through it all you never cried. You never complained, you only kept pushing forward. Filling the buffet, talking to family members, helping your mother, your brother, and everyone else. Never once did you step away to take a moment for yourself.

He suggested you stay a few days longer, but your mother insisted you leave. It was obvious she was in pain, but it wasn’t as bad as that first day. You tried to offer again, but your mother took your face in her hands, “It is time for me to try and fight alone…I will call if I need help.”

“Ma…” You stared into her eyes for a moment before nodding, understanding that she needed to face this next step in her journey, “anytime, okay? Morning, noon, or night.”

“Okay.” She kissed your cheeks before waving you both off.

There was nothing that came to mind that ease the tension he felt between you and him. Words would come to him, but nothing seemed to do the situation justice. They just felt flat and useless.

Following you inside he sighed finally needing to break the silence, “Y/N…I know…”

He stopped when you stopped moving. Your back was facing him, but he should see your body shaking in the dark. He was afraid of this…that this place would break down the wall you had built.

“…Hades…” You let slip past your lips as your fist clenched tightly.

“Yes?” He swallowed taking a step toward you.

Your voice was barely a whisper, “…can I see him?”

He shut his eyes frowning, “…he…he asked me not to.”

You turned to him tears cascading down your cheeks, “I just…I need to say goodbye…please Hades…please…”

He swallowed feeling his nose begin to tickle as you pleaded with him. He wanted to desperately give you everything you wanted. He wanted to give you that closure, “Y/N…I can’t go against a souls final wish…”

“Please…” You reached forward taking his jacket into your hands clutching onto him like an anchor. Your voice cracked as you spoke again, “Please…Hades, it hurts…and I don’t know how to move past this. I can’t…”

“I know…” He took your face into his hands whispering to you, “I’m afraid this is a wound you will never heal from…I am so sorry…”

You sobbed before collapsing into his arms. He scooped you up taking you to your room. He held you in your bed until you cried no more tears. He stayed until you fell to sleep thinking back to those final moments with your father.

Hades stood there looking at the ghostly form of Chris Petrakis. He looked intact meaning he had gone peacefully. He looked at Hades curiously, “Nick?”

Hades wiped a hand over his face, “Mr. Petrakis…”

“What…” He stared at him for a long time it seemed before it clicked, “Oh my…”

“I am sorry for the deception, sir.” Hades stared at him, his pain evident on his face, “It was…necessary.”

“I can say so.” Chris put his hands on his hips smirking a little, “So…how does this work?”

Hades shut his eyes feeling another wave of tears coming on as he summoned his book. When is appeared in his hand he opened it, “Uh…you…you lived a good life…you have a choice…Elysium or another life to live.”

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Chris smiled at him. How this man just accepted everything as it fell into his lap, even in death, was alarming. He just found out that a god was real, and involved with his daughter. How could Hades explain that to him?

Hades swallowed looking away, “Sir…”

“You love her right?” His eyes sprung back to his face seeing his glowing smile, “Oh my girl…she always extraordinary.”

Hades smiled a little as a tear fell down his cheek, “Yes, sir, she is.”

“Oh son, come now…it’s alright. I knew this was coming.” Chris stepped toward him wringing his hands together, “But I need you to be strong for her. She won’t allow herself to break around her family, but when she finally does, it will be with you. She trusts you…and she will ask the world of you…she’ll beg to see me and you can’t let her…she won’t heal otherwise. She needs to know that you…and only you are here for her. She can’t lean on me anymore.”

“But…if she could say goodbye…” Hades suggested staring into his eyes.

“No…I know she’ll come out stronger if she doesn’t see me again. Just promise me you’ll always take care of my girl.” Chris smiled at him.

“I will, you have my word.” Hades told him nodding.

“Good…that’s what son-in-laws do.” Chris winked at him, “Now…I thought there was supposed to be a boat…”

Souls rarely found their way around Hermes to speak directly to him anymore, but Hades was glad this family was different. They had a special place in his heart now, and he vowed to make sure that you and your family were always well looked after.

He took your hand kissing your fingers as you slept sealing a deal with himself. He would not allow you feel this way again if he could have a say in the matter. From this moment on he would make sure you would be happy, even if it meant sacrificing his own happiness to do it.

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dolcetters · 4 years ago

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THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

TAGGED BY: @hyaciiintho ( ;-; AAA THANK!!! )

TAGGING (don’t feel obligated to do it!): @forsakenflora , @avadite , @yinseal , @inseparabilum , @reigningsniper , @tsume-awase , @canisfuria & YOU if you wanna!

FILL OUT & REPOST ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

----------------------------------------------------

MY MUSE IS: CANON / OC / AU / CANON-DIVERGENT / FANDOMLESS

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK (he’s fetishized a lot; thanks, i hate it)

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK (i’d lean more toward no)

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO / MAYBE (stares into the abyss)

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO / MAYBE

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL (true neutral, my boy)

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? ♠ || i have an ongoing joke that “canon is a slab of meat that we slow-roast at 475 degrees and carve for the juicy bits” but at the same time it’s not a joke at all, i’m being perfectly serious. i’m definitely a lot less strict than when i started for writing canon characters way back yonder, but i also DO like to keep within an array of canon boundaries because i’m not writing for an OC in this instance, i’m writing for an established character. ...it also doesn’t help that my character’s handled differently in the 4 types of media he shows up in but. i grew up reading DC comics and writing for beast boy, so i’m kind of used to “multiple takes existing for singular character”.

that being said, my take on dol is clearly canon divergent (since... he’s alive and my default verse takes place after the nest raid) but it pulls primarily from brotherhood/manga with a couple dashes of 2k3 series (since that’s the only media that gives us a length of time that he was in the labs). but given that i follow along with just about every scrap of information provided in the manga on this clown, i’d say i follow canon fairly strictly... but there ain’t a lot to go off of, so my reins are pretty loose no matter how you look at it. my city now.

SELL YOUR MUSE! AKA TRY TO LIST EVERYTHING, WHICH MAKES YOUR MUSE INTERESTING IN YOUR OPINION TO MAKE THEM SPICY FOR YOUR MUTUALS. ♠ || (*￣3￣)╭ well, hello, there. aware of dog? yes. this is he: dolcetto mcgrouchyboots, and he is not happy to be here at all. he is traumatized, sassy, wants to throw hands with teenagers, has no sense of self worth, and will absolutely use himself as a meat shield in order to protect any and everyone he cares about. he is spliced with: dog. his favorite weapon: sword. if you listen carefully, you might hear dog-song rising on the east wind as he approaches (don’t tell him axel taped a cassette player to his back). he comes from a found family of complete and utter morons with a lot of damage, they live in a partially underground bar, work as information brokers, and are all DEFINITELY fully functioning adult people. they say gay and trans rights. if you like angry boys with a sense of humor semi-on-par with griffin mcelroy, this is the boy for YOU!!!

NOW THE OPPOSITE, LIST EVERYTHING WHY YOUR MUSE COULD NOT BE SO INTERESTING (EVEN IF YOU MAY NOT AGREE, WHAT DOES THE FANDOM PERHAPS THINK?). ♠ || he’s only featured in a handful of episodes/chapters across all media, doesn’t have a significant amount of dialogue, and we only ever see him lose to the protagonist(s) despite that he seems more than capable of fighting anyone else. easy to brush off as a “aw he died and that’s sad but we didn’t really know him, moving on”. from what i’ve seen in my years, people are more interested in him being a cog in the machine of “greed is sad” and less interested in... HIM. which is fair, i guess, but hhhhhh

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? ♠ || i don’t know if i can pin-point any ONE thing, but i’ve always been drawn to characters with some sort of connection or bond with animals (example, once again, being beast boy from teen titans). i also have an IMMENSE weakness for the found-family dynamic. so when the devil’s nest appeared during my first watch through of brotherhood, i was pretty much... hooked. immediately. and devastated. immediately. as for what drew me to writing dol, specifically... probably his loyalty, his drive, the fact that he WOULDN’T FUCKING STAY DOWN no matter how many times someone knocked him flat on his face. i vibe with that. grew up very much in the mentality of “fall down 7 times, get up 8″. also, he had a sword... which always beats guns on coolness factor. and i loved his fire. ...and that he was a complete fucking idiot who’s really bad at kidnapping i mean HOLY SHIT THAT’S HOW YOU TRIED TO GET HIM TO COME WITH YOU, DOLCETTO, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING--

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? ♠ || dol has always been a great source of ...venting for me? <xD ever since i started writing him, i’ve always found his muse--specifically--to be extremely cathartic and comforting. i dunno if it’s because he lets the more... jaded side of me come out, even when we’re both trying to be optimistic?

because i’ve been in 2 emotionally abusive friendships. i definitely have some left over hurt, pent up anger that hasn’t been given closure, a hell of a lot of underlying bitterness that i never got the opportunity to confront those people, BUT i still try to be. y’know. welcoming, friendly, supportive, despite a voice in the back of my head being paranoid?? i think dol continues to give me outlets to expressing that. somehow. not that i use him as an excuse to do it, more so i have more opportunities to do it when i’m writing him as opposed to writing someone like beast boy, who’s usually more on board with keeping the peace than picking a fight. i’ve also invested SO MUCH TIME and ENERGY into his background and headcanons and things that i kind of can’t quit him now, nor do i want to.

... and aside from that i just want him to have a happy ending god, fucking damnit.

SOME MORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS FOR THE MUN.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO ( or i certainly hope so )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO ( definitely have moments but eh! )

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO ( kind of... varies. i’d say i’m more hyper aware)

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? ♠ || i definitely like to think i do when it comes to pre-established things in canon. but when it comes to what i’ve built on my own over my years of writing for dol (and the nest members as a whole), it’s kind of my sandbox and i’d appreciate you not stomp around in it.

unless i need to be learned a thing, like... one of the nest members, vi, is a trans-woman. i’m a cis-woman and i try to do as much research as i can and educate myself, but if i ever fuck something up please tell me, i’m doing my best but i’m more than willing to listen. i want to grow.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? ♠ || pretty sure everyone does! >xD but yeah! i FUCKING love it. especially since i’m writing for a minor character. =//o//= it shows people are interested in him despite his overall lack of content.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? ♠ || i’d definitely be curious as to why but i doubt i’d be offended or take ... any personal harm from it--y’know? it’d be more of a “let me hear your perspective and maybe it’ll expand my own understanding, or i might not agree after the explanation and that’s cool”!

an exception would be for an obviously shitty one that’s shitty for no reason, like... acTUALlY, he’s TOtaLLY hom///o///pho//bic, to which i’d be like “bitch, no, get away from me; no one in this bar is straight, die mad”.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? ♠ || again, it’s cool! there’s not a lot of canon material so you can take his portrayal a variety of places. if we don’t jive, it’s pretty whatever.

my one exception to this is probably people who, in the past, have told me i write him being “too mean”. which will never cease to confuse me. because even after al straight told dolcetto he was 14, dol was still like “I REALLY WANNA SMACK HIM but i’d just hurt my hand so you’re off the hook”, he’s angry like 85% of his dialogue in the manga... i’m just confused. where are you seeing the “uwu pupper~” persona. you can write it, that’s fine, i don’t care, just don’t get irritable when i don’t write him like a cute puppy. because here he is. suggesting we just kill izumi because she’s being troublesome. yeet. ...he’s an asshole.

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? ♠ || whatever, just don’t be a dick or speak badly about me or him in my presence because, flawed as he is and while i won’t make excuses for him, i’ll stand up for him. go somewhere else, my dude. i, personally, don’t have the energy for your negativity. nor do i have the patience.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? ♠ || i’m more okay with people correcting my spelling (gently). because of the way i taught myself to read, i’d be FUCKED if auto-correct or spell-check didn’t exist. i also google correct spellings constantly. so spelling, yeah, i already know that i’m terrible at it so feel free to correct type-os or spelling mishaps, it ain’t no thang.

grammar i’m a bit... pickier about. because sometimes i’ll purposely do a “grammatical error” because the punctuation or otherwise further drives the pacing or mood i’m trying to give my writing. i may not know ALL the rules but i break them from time to time... FOR THE ART.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? ♠ || i wanna say i am?? while i definitely do want to seriously explore and flesh out and grow dol as a muse and character, i’m “not above” goofing around, poking fun at him, or just being plain silly on the dash. RPing is escapism for me and i strive to keep my blog a peaceful safe haven on the dashboard, both for myself and my followers.

i try to communicate to the best of my ability and despite my anxieties, and while i may not be able to follow or RP with EVERYONE (for obvious reasons) i’m open to interacting with ... pretty much anyone who throws me a bone. i’ll speak up if i’m not down for a plot or interested in a certain relationship or interaction, but i’m certainly not going to be rude or dismissive about it. i know what that feels like. i’d say yeah, though! i think i’m pretty chill. e-e you tell me.

#♦: ooc answer .#[ ;0; THIS WAS FUN ]

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tcm · 6 years ago

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Getting Older by The Day: LOGAN’S RUN (’76) by Greg Ferrara

In the 1950s and ’60s, a doomsday idea began to gain traction: over-population. The idea, stated simply, was that human population would outpace food production. In 1968, Paul R. Ehrlich released his book, The Population Bomb , to overwhelming commercial success. The doom and gloom tome predicted everything from hundreds of millions dying in the 1970s from starvation, to London ceasing to exist by the year 2000. Yes, that actually was one of its predictions. A year before its release, another book debuted to a more restrained reception, though it too took its cue from the overpopulation fears and mixed them with fears of a youth revolution. The result was Logan's Run.

The authors of Logan's Run, William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson, begin with an impossible premise and quickly segue into a far-fetched story. The premise is that 75% of the population of the planet is under 21 by the’ 70s, then 80% by the 1980s, 85% by 1990 and so on. This is, of course, impossible. If 75% of your population is under 21, say in their mid-teens, then in 10 years they're all going to be older than 21. To get to 80%, all of them have to have twice as many children before then and more than half of the over 21 population would have to die in the same 10 years. And this would have to repeat itself every few years without missing a beat, a heartbeat that is.

The solution to all of this out of control baby production, in both book and movie, is euthanasia, although how that's carried out in each is quite different. In the book, one’s death is known to them instantly. In the movie, the population participates in something called Carousel with the false hope of possibly being reborn. The other difference? In the book, your final day is your 21st birthday. In the movie, it's your 30th.

In the futuristic society of LOGAN'S RUN, people live out their lives in domed cities never worrying, never struggling, never aging. Babies are assigned by name and number to their lifelong career. No one questions what they do, and everyone accepts that at the age of 30, a small light embedded in your palm begins to blink red. When that happens, it's time to go put on your white and red flaming anatomy jumpsuit, float up to the ceiling like Charlie Bucket high on Fizzy Lifting drink then hope like hell you get renewed. What actually happens is you get blown up and the population is kept in check.

Except, of course, for those few who don't accept it. They're called Runners because, let's be blunt here, they're not idiots. They know Carousel is a one-way street and they're going to do everything in their power to take a detour. Once someone runs, Sandmen jump into action. Those are the security guards of the domed cities who make sure if you run, you die. And since Runners have already figured out they're going to die anyway, why not go for the brass ring one last time?

Enter Logan, a Sandman. Logan (Michael York) isn't just any Sandman, though. He genuinely wonders why people run. Maybe it's not so crazy to live beyond 30 after all. When the computer running everything assigns him the task of posing as a Runner to find out where Sanctuary is—that's where the Runners go—Logan and his companion, Jessica (Jenny Agutter), begin to realize they've all been duped. The air outside is fine and growing old isn't nearly as awful as it's been made out to be. But that still doesn't mean he can change anyone's mind and, even if he could, attempting to do so will most likely result in his death.

That's because the other Sandman all think Logan really is running, including his friend Francis (Richard Jordan). But once they find a mad robot living in the area just outside of Sanctuary and an old man living in it (Peter Ustinov), all of their preconceptions are challenged.

LOGAN'S RUN is particularly relevant today. Sure, as a film it has a definite pre-STAR WARS hokiness to it and special effects too reliant on high-tech shopping malls and well-made but poorly lit miniatures. But as a story, it works quite well and speaks to some of the most popular doomsday scenarios facing us today. When AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR (2018) was released, in was following in the footsteps of LOGAN'S RUN. After all, Thanos is concerned with overpopulation as well, it's just that he goes with "kill half of everyone" over "only let people live until 30." Nonetheless, the two dubious solutions are brothers in arms and both strike a primordial chord, not just that concerned with survival, but with living itself.

The frightening thing about being told you can't live past 30 becomes immediately evident to you once you hit 31. Life continues and, surprisingly, you get wiser and more settled into the rhythms of life that keep you from the kind of existential panic a younger you might face. No one wants to be told they have to end all the learning, all the living and all the fun, just to make things better for everyone else because, deep inside, we know that's a bunch of hooey. If everyone can't live how they want to live, no one is better off.

LOGAN'S RUN gets that. The movie and book approach the story in vastly different ways, and I'd love to see a movie get made that follows the book's story, but until then the 1976 classic is a pretty good start. The costumes, settings, effects and music are all deeply entrenched in a ’70s sensibility which usually earns it the dreaded "dated" label from far too many people. The fact is, science fiction is of its time and in 1976 dealing with overpopulation issues was front and center. LOGAN'S RUN was about that, but it's also about depleting resources and how to handle that. And its villain is far more compelling than Thanos, the mighty Titan who wants to snap his fingers and kill off half the universe. That's because the villain isn't the computer running everything, it's the population itself. A population of people who have, for decades, willingly gone along, questioned nothing and lost their lives as a result. The enemy in LOGAN'S RUN isn't age, it's us. But like a lot of science fiction, it assures us that in the end, we can do better.

#Logan's Run #Michael Anderson #Jenny Agutter #Michael York #31 Days Of Oscar #Greg Ferarra

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dicecast · 5 years ago

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The Problem with Thanos Part 1

(Note I wrote this after Infinity Wars but before Endgame)

So I have some very complicated feelings about Thanos, and this isn’t helped by the fact that he is the first majorly popular villain from the most popular media franchise in history, so the pressure is on in regards to him. So I feel compelled to have a few disclaimers off the bat.

Firstly, yes, Thanos deserves his title as the best Marvel villain, though that isn’t saying much (I’m not really counting Loki cause by this point he is as much an anti-hero rather than a full antagonist) and his presence basically made Infinity Wars the one of better overall marvel movie thus far. He is a good character, a good actor, and a good villain. So calm down fans, I’m not saying Thanos himself is bad

Secondly, I don’t think anybody is bad for liking the character, Infinity Wars is a fine movie, you aren’t bad, don’t get defensive of your big purple mass murderer ok children?

Third, and most importantly, the actual dynamics of the character….aren’t bad. At least they aren’t bad necessarily. Everything about Thanos works, if you give Marvel a lot more credit than they deserve. But

Ok so for those who have managed to avoid the marvel franchise, let me just say, good life choice, keep it up, but here is the beat.

Thanos is an alien Titan Demigod thing who realizes that as life expands across the universe, we are using up the natural resources. So, like the world’s most ambitious Druid, he proposes to solve the problem of overpopulation in the most literal way possible. To wit he wants to get all the Infinity Stones, basically these all powerful magical items, and wipe out 50% of the universe’s population with a snap of his fingers. The heroes attempt to defeat him and…they fail. He snaps his fingers, 50% of everyone in the universe dies, movie over, sucks to be you. Literally 50% of everybody just turns to dust, including fucking baby Face Spider Man.

(wait....)

Which was a pretty shocking ending, well played Disney. I really do think the final death sequence was the most impressive overall sequence in any of the marvel movies. Unlike most Marvel villain, he has a clear motive, distinct personality, and is actually you know…a challenge for the protagonists, and as I said, he is a good character. Cause he had like feelings and shit. But I see a lot of people talking about Thanos like he is the real hero or he has some reasonable points or he is an anti-hero and…no he really isn’t. He isn’t just evil cause he wants to kill trillions of people, he is also objectively wrong about pretty much everything.

Now this isn’t actually a bad thing. THanos is the villain, I’m ok with the villain being flawed, I mean that is kind of the point. In fact what makes Thanos a good character (maybe, kinda, sort of, its complicated) is the fact that he is the exact type of person who would fall for this reductive thinking, because his greatest personal flaw is his inflexibility, so again his following a wrong value system makes sense

What makes Thanos interesting is that he is an extremely proud person who doesn’t have the normal conventions of pride, in that he really isn’t making it all about him. Thanos genuinely isn’t a glory hound, he doesn’t want attention, he isn’t seeking recognition, he doesn’t want glory or fame and seems to be pretty happy living as melon farmer. Its more the arrogance of thinking he knows the answer everybody else doesn’t rather than wanting something actively from others. Which is at least the foundations for an interesting character. Thanos’ perception of self is one of the guy who makes the necessary sacrifices so others won’t have too, he is the guy who stoically dirties his own hands on behalf of the collective good. Basically is the moral equivalent of the humblebrag, he doesn’t ask for praise or glorify himself directly, but it is a core part of who he is, like the most passive aggressive utilitarian.

And because he firmly believes he knows exactly how things should be done and what steps ought to be taken, he is utterly without imagination. He basically is like ‘oh this is how the thing needs to be done’ and does it, it never occurs to him to challenge his preexisting perceptions or think outside the box. Which is why, when he has a know, Infinity Stones he sticks to the 50% mass death plan rather than…I don’t know…use the infinity stones.

Sorry, maybe I didn’t empathizes that enough

Thanos wants to solve a problem of limited resources with…infinity stones. Seriously do you not see a problem of imagination here?

And again, all of that would be fine, if this was on purpose, again Thanos is the Villain and villains being wrong The problem is how the movie frames it, specifically as a moral issue.

Cause they seem to think this is an ethical debate, throughout the movie, the protagonists present the argument as one of morality.

“Oh no, Thanos, don’t kill 50% of the universe that would be wrong”, which of course Thanos doesn’t respond to. The dynamic being presented here is ‘idealistic good guys’ vs. ‘practical bad guy’ but that is just the absolute wrong argument to make.

But the argument that should be made is “Oh no Thanos don’t kill 50% of the universe, that is a horribly ineffectively and ultimately flawed way to solve the problem of overpopulation and limited resources”. Cause like…this isn’t a moral debate, it’s a basic practical debate. Why bother arguing about the merits of utilitarian morality when the act in question isn’t even utilitarian, it’s just dumb. The movie presents this as “efficiency vs. morality” but in practice is actually “flawed methodology vs. a ,theory which isn’t fundamentally stupid.” Cause guess what people, murdering 50% of all life in an instance doesn’t actually fix limited resources, especially when many of those living things are resources.

This is a horrible way to solve the problem of overpopulation. Even ignoring the whole “Infinity” thing, killing 50% of the population simply doesn’t work because

1) Its utterly clumsy. See actual conservationists have to be extremely careful about population control, because reducing biodiversity risks weakening the overall eco system. The universe losing half its population would cause a massive shock to every ecosystem simultaneously, causing further damage which actually would make things worse.

2) While overpopulation is a problem, it isn’t really the major problem in terms of the environment, over consumption is a much larger issue. If you killed 50% of America, most of that would be India and China, but the US consumes far more resources than your population numbers would suggest. And the largest environmental issue on our planet, namely the whole “We are all going to die of Climate change bit” is actually not a population issue or even a resource issue so much as a “the world is literally getting hotter” issue, reduce the population all you want that doesn’t really reduce our Carbon foot print as long as we still use fossil fuels. If the earth had only 3 billion people, but all of those people lived in first world countries, we would still be facing the problem of climate change.

3) You will have to do it again in a few centuries anyways, remember its more than 50%, cause you have the inevitable deaths caused when planes don’t have pilots, doctors cease to exist, infants who die due to abandonment, and the panic as society changes in the blink of an eye, which risks war and worse, which doesn’t just reduce the population it also cause more environmental damage. Which impedes you know…actual conservationist efforts. Its not like anybody learns their lesion from this, unless Thanos plans to make himself immortal, he is going to have to do this on a regular basis. Its like trying to solve the Baltimore crime issues by nuking the Eastern Seaboard, it doesn’t work. And what is depressing is that I know some people in the comments will totally try advocating that.

See its not actually “Idealistic vs practical” its “Practical vs. impartial” or rather ‘simple vs. complicated”. Thanos is faced with a complicated nuanced multi-dimensional problem and his solution to it is the most literal minded simplistic one imaginable, snapping his fingers and hoping that somehow works. And you hear certain people (douchbags) advocate this sort of thing all the time, presenting ‘simple solutions that people would do if they only had the guts” like

“IF you want to solve homelessness, just kill them all”

“If you want to solve terrorism, just nuke the middle east”

“IF you want to solve immigration, just build a wall”

See these solutions aren’t just ethically wrong they…don’t work. And it imagines a narrative that our leaders aren’t doing these things because they are pussies rather than because the problems actually aren’t easily solve. Trust me if there was a simple and unethical way to solve any of the world problems, our leaders would have done so by now.

(Look politics)

Which again, isn’t necessarily bad, again, Thanos is the bad guy and he is the exact type of person who is going to think the problem with the world is that nobody is strong willed enough to solve the simple problem rather than you know..research the issue. But that isn’t actually the problem. The Problem is a 19th century pseudo scientist named Thomas Malthus

Thomas Malthus was an English Victor (imagine a Catholic priest bit without the dignity) who noticed that when it came to rabbits, once their natural predators went extinct, they population exploded, they overconsumed the resources around them and then they were left without any population. Malthus theorized that as war, famine and pestilence decreased, the human population grew and resources would grow scarce and then we would all die. Thus we need to have some degree of hardship to keep the population in check. Because humans can double their population every 20 years, we are all screwed, which is what he calls the “Cycle of Misery”. And this theory is…entirely wrong.

(Absolutely full of shit)

To quote John Greene

“And what is amazing about the persistence of this theory is its complete lack of connection to actual human history”. Thomas Malthus hasn’t just been debunked, he was debunked in his own life time. Cause in reality, population does grow as industrialization reduces infant mortality and disease, but then it goes down once the standard of living raises to a certain rate. As people get a better standard of living, they get a greater choice in having kids, how many kids they want and how frequently they wish to have them, to say nothing about increased access to contraceptives and sex education. Which is why Western Europe has a lower birthrate than India. The over population problem of the modern world not because life in undevolped countries isn’t hard enough, its because it is too hard, people in bad circumstances have more kids, better educated people living comfortable lives have less kids, which is why assuming we don’t all die from climate change, the population will eventually start to decrease over time. See Thomas Malthus’s theories played a major role in the English response to the Irish Potato Famine, and the man most responsible for the suffering Charles Trevelyan, justified much of his policies by saying he was preventing a future cycle of misery. That the Famine was not the fault of poor English economic planning or the long standing poverty of Ireland, or you know…everything else about the English occupation, but was instead the Irish’ fault for having more kids, and the Famine was a good thing for keeping the population down to reasonable levels. To quote Trevelyan

“The judgement of god sent the calamity to teach the Irish a lesson and that Calamity must not be too much mitigated…the real evil with which we have to contend is not the physical evil of the famine, but the moral evil of the selfish, perverse, and turbulent character of the people”

1.5 million Irish people died as a result of this policy and another million emigrated to America, and Ireland is still pretty pissed off about it to this day. See Malthius thought the world population boom was a very recent thing, when in fact that has been a constant in human history, and with the exception of the Black Death, no amount of hardship has every reduce human population growth.

Thanos is drawing on Malthusian theories and it just…isn’t a good theory, it wasn’t then and it wasn’t now (and yes I know it did jump start a lot of other much more valid theories, here is your token acknowledgment of the good Malthus did here, I hope it was worth 1.5 million people). It’s a theory which sounds good but doesn’t really work in reality, because you know…the world is complicated, and a tiny amount of land can grow more than enough food to feed everybody on the planet. We have right now, the capacity to make the entire planet run on renewable energy and end starvation, it’s actually utilizing what we have which is the problem, one that doesn’t have a simple solution.

And I have to reiterate this again, none of this is necessarily a bad thing, Thanos is after all the villain, having a villain who is inspired by Malthusian ideology makes sense, after all its something the heroes of the movies can oppose and overcome, you know like in a story. And not only is Thanos a realistic depiction of the exact type of person who would take Malthusian theory seriously, he also is a nuanced complicated and interesting character in his own right. All of this would be perfectly fine except…lets be honest, Disney isn’t actually going to refute Malthusian economics. Maybe the next movie will surprise me, but what is most likely going to happen is that the heroes will use the power of love, friendship or just general idealism to basically argue that “The ends don’t’ justify the means” and defeat Thanos by punching him really hard in his big purple face. And while yes, the ends don’t necessarily justify the means, that isn’t the argument worth having here, because guess what? You don’t need to, weather or not the ends justify the means is ultimately irrelevant because…the ends don’t even work in the first place.

I see a lot of people walking away from Infinity Wars acting like this is a complicated issue when it really isn’t, and that gets to why Malthusian economics conintune to be believed when they really aren’t true. To again quote John Greene “I think there is a very seductive logic to the idea that resources, especially food is finite.” And this movie contributes to a very false understanding to population and resources, and it’s the worse form of a false understanding, not that presents itself as wise (See also the Population Bomb). Again, despite having far more people on earth today than we did 500 years ago, fewer people will die of starvation this year than any other period in human life, and that isn’t by %, that is the total number. Human existence is not a zero sum game, it is possible for me to have my life improved and yours as well, this all or nothing mentality Thanos advocates presents itself as selfishness but instead it is simply diluted.

This is not even getting into the other nonsense regarding population numbers which we will cover next time, or Why Thanos not being a racist makes his character weaker.

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