#the fact that he makes it 30 years is kind of a miracle

[softgrungeprophet]

so the downside of giving kaine a cane when he gets older, it turns out, is that i keep spelling "cane" wrong in my notes because i keep writing his name instead 😂😭

[igotanidea]

Lollipop: Dick Grayson x kid!sister!reader

(part 1 of 4 for the batboys x sister!reader)

This was not supposed to end up like this.

At least at first, cause it was showing signs of impending tragedy.

He was only going to be gone for like 15 minutes with the best intentions of getting his little sister the biggest lollipop available at the fair shop.

And the fact that this beautiful girl was standing there casually, throwing glances his way had absolutely nothing to do with it.

Yes, he was flirty chatty, I mean – can you seriously blame a man with his look and charm? No right? No, of course not.

But, being the responsible older brother, he grabbed his sister and carried her piggyback straight to the shop, while cracking jokes and making the five-year old laugh softly, in the way only little kids can. Literally lighting up his entire world and having a great brother-sister bonding.

„So. Which one of the lollipops would you like Y/N?”

„That one!” she pointed her little fingers to the red and yellow piece of Candy on the display.

„Sure thing, little one, let me handle it for you.”

„Your daughter is so cute…” the girl Dick had an eye on, appeared next to him, flipping her hair flirtatiously, flashing him a bright smile.

Daughter?!

Shit.

Did he look that old that someone might take Y/N for his daughter?!

Was his hair going grey or something?

Did he have wrinkles?

He wasn’t even 30 yet and now he was appearing as a father figure?!

He loved that kiddo, he truly did, but this?

Too much.

„She;s actually my sister” he managed to say even though there was a whirlwind of emotions inside him.

WAS HE OLD NOW?!

„Oh, so cute. And you’re on the babysitter duties I guess?”

„Something like that.”

„Dick!” Y/N squirmed on his shoulders getting impatient and wanting her sweet.

Under any other circumstances in any other company that little word coming out of the word of a five year old would be completely Innocent and harmless, however Y/N had no idea what kind of reaction it may get from a – well- stranger.

“Did you teach her such language?!” the girl frowned in rebuke.

“What?” Dick chuckled nervously “No, no, you don’t understand, this is not a curse, it’s—”

“It sounds like one to me.”

“No!” Dick grinned “It’s actually my name!”

“Your name?” the girl raised an eyebrow “Are you for real right now?”

“Dick!” Y/N cried out again, wriggling so hard she almost fell from his shoulders, but due to some miracle he caught her safely, torn between wanting to smooch her cute little face and hiding her somewhere so she wouldn’t embarrass him even more. “Shh, kiddo. The adults are talking.”

“But I want –”

“I know little one, but if you could just give me five minutes—” Dick held his sister tight to his chest, whispering in his ear but she was not going to take his mysteriousness.

“Hi!” she turned around in her brother’s arms and called upon the girl “you’re pretty.” Her words were only as honest as a kid can be. No filter, no hesitation, no embarrassment and no overthinking.

“Well thank you. I’m Elle.”

“I’m Y/N.” the little girl reached her hand to the older one, squeezing it with the most stern face she could produce still being the cutest human being to walk the earth. “And that’s my brother, Dick. Dick! Come say hi to Elle!”

“That really is your name?”

“It’s Richard actually. But everyone just call me Dick. No subtext, I swear!” he laughed seeing Elle’s sceptic face expression.

“He’s my favorite brother!” Y/N clung to his legs, wrapping those tiny arms around them “yesterday he braided my hair and all the girls in the kindergarten were looking at me with jealousy!”

It was more likely shock, cause “braided” in Dick’s dictionary meant doing so many complex swirls that the complicated hairstyle seemed to stay on the head only by a miracle.

“And he watched all episodes of Dora the explorer with me! He even learned the song, come on Dickie!!” Y/N pulled his trouser leg “come on, sing with me! Jump in! ¡Vámonos! You can lead the way! Hey! Hey!” every exclamation mark was highlighted by the girl's joyful jump.

“Hey! Hey!” Dick grinned getting carried away by the cheerful melody and only after a while realizing that he must be making a fool of himself. “Yeah… um….”

“My brothers love that cartoon too.” Ellie smiled

“Oh, you have brothers?” now that was something the resident flirt could pursue “may it be that they are Y/N’s age?”

“Five and three. Do you think maybe they could hang out?”

“Oh, I absolutely think they could hang out.” Right, because it was all about the younger siblings. “Care to give me your phone number so we can arrange the da--… I mean the acknowledgement?”

Five minutes later Ellie said her goodbye and Dick was left with the very valuable number saved safely in his phone.

“Great job Y/N.” he put his hand up (not too high) so the girl could high (again- not too high) five him.

“Duh!” she scoffed with the face of a girl boss. “But seriously, you should up your game Dick!”

“Up my--? WHAT?! Where did you heard that?!”

“Uncle Wally—”

“Uncle Wally will not get fast enough to run from me now.” Dick hissed

“Hey, Dick?”

“Yeah, Yeah, I know, let’s get you that lollipop first, my little diva. You deserve it.”

He picked her up from the ground and spun joyfully in the air.

Who would have thought that he would actually be the oldest brother to such a tiny precious human, serving perfect role as her guardian angel.

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

David Duchovny: ‘The X-Files took up my life, but it was a miracle’

It's behind a paywall so if somebody has access I would love to read the article

Update : got it, thanks @aimsies-mctaymellburg

David Duchovny: ‘The X-Files took up my life, but it was a miracle’

As Fox Mulder in the hit sci-fi show, the actor and singer peddled fringe conspiracy theories. Now the 63-year-old says Mulder’s paranoia is everywhere.

In hindsight it wasn’t a great idea for me to kick off an interview with David Duchovny by suggesting that he was a musical dilettante. You’re most likely to know Duchovny, of course, as Fox Mulder, the conspiracy-theory-guzzling FBI agent in The X Files, one of the biggest shows of the Nineties, watched at its peak by 30 million in America alone. Perhaps you saw him as the womanising writer Hank Moody in Californication or the 1960s detective Sam Hodiak in Aquarius. You may even have read some of his five books.

Duchovny, a New Yorker living in Los Angeles, is less known for music, although he’s been making rather decent folk-rock for a decade — songwriting, playing guitar and singing in a honeyed drawl. His 2015 songHell or Highwater has been streamed more than a million times while Layin’ on the Tracks, from 2020, has pointed lyrics about a certain politician (“It’s a killing joke that no one laughs at/ A stupid orange man in a cheap red hat”). He has released three albums, with a fourth due next year, and this month plays Latitude festival in Suffolk and the 2,000-capacity Shepherds Bush Empire in London.

So does the 63-year-old feel that he should no longer be seen as just a musical dabbler? “That’s part of a lazy person’s perception,” he says, bristling slightly. “It’s a lens through which people want to see me. I think music is an innocent art form — you listen to it and you have a response. To bring any kind of baggage to bear on it in the beginning seems to me to be dishonest, but that’s the way things go.”

YouTube clips of recent shows suggest people were having a lovely time, I say. This doesn’t have the soothing effect intended. YouTube footage lingers “because of the horror of the cell phone”, Duchovny says. “It’s a pet peeve of mine.” Is he tempted to ban them at his shows, as artists from Prince to Bob Dylan have? “I don’t know that I can enforce that view on anybody.”

For Duchovny, it’s as much about phones limiting his performance as it is about the audience not living in the moment. “To do something unique or for the first time, to reach for a note or play a different melody — all these are chances you might take if you weren’t inhibited by the fact that somebody is [recording] it,” he says. “You’ve got to be able to fail and the ubiquity of cell phones makes failure scarier than it needs to be.”

Failure is the key to another of his jobs: podcasting. In his series Fail Better, he adroitly interviews guests including Bette Midler, Ben Stiller and Sean Penn about their failures. “I feel like I’ve been failing my entire life,” Duchovny said on launching it in May. That may sound strange from a man with English degrees from Princeton and Yale, who has won a Golden Globe for The X Files and another for Californication.

Is he familiar with Elizabeth Day, the British journalist who has hosted a successful podcast called How to Fail since 2018? When Duchovny announced Fail Better, Day tweeted: “I might invite David Duchovny on @howtofail to discuss his failure to be original.”

“This is the first I’ve heard of it,” he says. “If she wants to be rigorous in her thinking, she would investigate what my approach to failure is. I don’t know what her approach to it is. My sense, since failure is universal, is that there’s room out there for more than one discussion.” This is a rather po-faced response to what seemed like a playful comment from Day, and surprising because Duchovny has a wicked sense of humour. He can also afford to be more magnanimous, given that his podcast is at No 12 in the UK chart and hers is at 54.

Gillian Anderson, his X Files co-star, certainly likes his podcast, writing this week on Instagram that she had listened to all of the episodes and found them “intimate and vulnerable … very smart questions, although I wouldn’t expect anything else from you [David]”.

“It’s very sweet,” Duchovny says. “I will email her and thank her. I’m sure somebody running my social media is … I don’t really like to be on social media.” Later that day his Instagram account replies to Anderson’s post: “Thank you for listening, you have an open invite [to appear on his podcast]!”

That encounter would be worth hearing because his relationship with Anderson is fascinating. Despite their chemistry in The X Files there were rumours of friction — although they looked to be getting on swimmingly when they appeared on Jimmy Kimmel’s talk show in 2016 to publicise the return of the show, which ran for two more seasons.

When asked by Kimmel about frostiness between her and Duchovny in the Nineties, Anderson collapsed into giggles, laid her head in Duchovny’s lap and put any froideur down to the dampness of Vancouver, where the series was shot. Her hair kept going frizzy, she explained, and “for every single take we’d have to stand there and blow dry my hair again”.

“And I got pissed at that?” Duchovny asked.

“Well, I think it added to the tension,” Anderson said.

“It kinda makes me sound like an asshole,” Duchovny replied.

Anderson had nothing to do with him leaving The X Files in 2002, he says now. “That was just me wanting to have a family, but also to try other things. It had kind of taken up my life. There was no animosity with the actual show and the people that I worked with. I am proud of the show — it was culturally central in a way that it’s very hard to do these days in a fragmented landscape. There’s so many lightning-strike aspects to it that I can’t help but think of it as some kind of a miracle.”

The X Files gave conspiracy theories a kind of nobility — “the truth is out there”, as its tagline ran. Now they are more widespread and pernicious. “Mulder’s way of looking at the world was through conspiracy and that was the fringe at that point,” Duchovny says. “It doesn’t seem to be so fringe any more. It’s really the world that [The X Files creator] Chris Carter foresaw happening almost 30 years ago. He’s almost clairvoyant in that case.” Is Duchovny more evidence-based than Mulder? “Not at all. I’m an artist — I am associative-based and I see poetry as science and science as poetry.” So are there some conspiracy theories that he buys into? “No, I’m talking about art. I think conspiracies are mostly just lazy thinking.”

One failure that has shaped Duchovny is that of his marriage to the actress Téa Leoni, who starred in Bad Boys and Deep Impact. They married in 1997 and have a daughter, West, 25, and a son, Kyd, 22, but divorced in 2014. “That darkness does deepen you. It makes you more empathetic and humble,” Duchovny says. One of the themes of his podcast is “the difference between humiliating and humbling. Often we focus on humiliation in our culture. I don’t see any positives coming from humiliation, but I see a lot of them coming from humility.”

One wonders if the reference to humiliation has something to do with Duchovny checking into rehab for sex addiction in 2008. Could him playing the bed-hopping Hank in Californication be a case of art imitating life? “People never tire of trying to figure that out,” he says with a sigh. “But to me, that’s not what acting is about. I don’t look for things that are mirroring my life in any way.”

Well, there are parallels in Reverse the Curse, the 2023 film that Duchovny directed, starred in and adapted from his book Bucky F***ing Dent. He plays a would-be novelist who has “sacrificed his artistic dream to put food on the table”. His father, a publicist, did the same, publishing his debut at 75, the year before he died. The film has some really funny scenes, including one where Marty and his son have a farting competition in a motel room that ends up smelling like “an aquarium that fed a sock”. That may have come from a line in Aquarius where someone says something similar about a police station. “I might have ripped it off, I’m not sure,” Duchovny says. “ You can ask Elizabeth Day about that.”

David Duchovny will perform at Latitude festival, near Southwold on July 25 and 02 Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 on July 27

[abarbaricyalp]

If you can combo 5,6, 30 intimacy for Sam and Bucky... Thank you

5: holding hands, kissing the back of it 6: kissing the tip of their nose 30: being protective Not gonna lie, I had difficulty imagining them being in a situation where they'd be kissing each other's hands and noses while also needing to be protective 😅 I know this is probably not what you had in mind, but it would not leave my mind.

All things considered, a cave behind a waterfall was pretty damn romantic. Bucky had found the cave. The dinosaurs they were hiding from, were not his fault. He should get all the points for the romanticism and lose nothing for the dinosaurs.

"Let me see your hand," he said, scooting closer to where Sam was washing his hand off in the waterfall. They should stay away from it. Who knew what kind of vision dinosaurs had. Sure, he'd been obsessed with them as kids, but he was pretty sure dinosaurs were one of those things that books in the 20s had been wrong about.

Sam held out his hand without complaint, which was a small miracle. "I cut it while we were climbing," he explained. He sucked in a sharp breath as Bucky put his thumbs on either side of the gash in his palm. "It's pretty deep."

Bucky nodded in agreement. For the first time in this whole forsaken night, the fact that they weren't in battle gear was actually helpful. He tore off the hem of his shirt and tied it around the middle of Sam's hand. It was not remotely sterile, but he couldn't really do anything about that. This would at least keep him from bleeding so badly and maybe keep dirt from getting in easily.

Sam stared at his hand, cupped gently in both of Bucky's and then let out a short laugh. "Oh my God, we look like a stupid action movie."

Bucky thought they looked like stupid action movies pretty regularly, but he figured Sam meant an action adventure movie. One of those ones with jungles and cargo crates and giant monsters, ancient runes and lost cities. Impossible feats of strength, like jumping over a ratty bridge or climbing up the side of a ship in the middle of a storm or hanging out of the blown out window of a two-seater plane. Probably based on a video game or some other existing IP.

"Those don't usually start in the middle of dinner at a local pasta place," Bucky pointed out. "We didn't even get our second glass of wine."

"It was good wine. Congrats on recognizing that. I'll make you a cultured man in no time." Sam started to pull his hand back, started to make to get to his feet.

Bucky curled his fingers around Sam's, up high, away from the cut. Sam settled back on the rocky ground with a raised eyebrow. "We can't wait around for someone to throw another temporal displacement bomb at us, Buck," he pointed out. "We've gotta figure out a way out of here."

"I know," Bucky accepted, though he kind of didn't think it'd be that easy. Without any reinforcements, without any gear of their own, what the hell were they going to do? Use their cells to call for help? He doubted that even the Kimoyo beads could traverse millions of years. And no one knew where they were, or were expecting them some other place. They wouldn't be missed until something else exploded or they missed the next call-out. It had been a long time since Bucky had felt helpless--he could force his body to extremes unheard of to survive, to protect Sam--but being chased by a dinosaur he couldn't name through forest growth so dense and thick and large the sun didn't reach the ground and then being forced to climb a cliff face so new every rock was rough and unpolished had just about wrung out the hope from him.

"I just..." He hesitated for a second, then brought Sam's hand up to his mouth and placed a soft kiss over the bandage on his palm, then turned Sam's hand over to kiss his scrapped up knuckles. "Just wanna make sure you're okay before we get back to adventuring."

Sam's face softened. He put his other hand to Bucky's cheek, thumb brushing over the crooked prop of it midway down where he'd been hit by a falling rock earlier. "I'm okay, Buck. Eventually, we'll have to add lizards to our list."

"What list?" Bucky asked, shaken from his deepening, pooling panic. Back to the world of a beautiful waterfall and dappled sunlight just for a second.

"Androids, aliens, and wizards."

The force with which Bucky rolled his eyes was enough to skyrocket the blooming headache snaking through his brain. "You can't say wizards and lizards in the same stupid catchphrase."

"Sure I can," Sam scoffed. "We're fighting morons who call themselves the Serpent Society. I think we need to add lizards."

"Just accept that you and I do not fight wizards that often," Bucky insisted.

"We fight wizards plenty."

"When, Sam? When do we ever fight wizards?"

"Loki," Sam said.

"Loki is a god. Apparently. And neither us ever fought him."

Sam reached over then, hands on either side of Bucky's face, and realigned his nose with an audible crack of cartilage snapping back into place.

Bucky had been led to believe by countless sci-fi books and his favorite modern movie that dinosaurs hunted by sound because their eyesight was bad. This was the only reason he did not howl with indignant pain and anger. He smacked his hands up against his own face--which did not make anything feel better--and glared at Sam--the effect of which was lessened by the tears that had naturally sprung to his eyes.

"Asshole," he ground out. "I told you it would set itself. The serum always puts things back where they belong."

"I couldn't stand looking at it anymore," Sam defended. "And it was making your voice sound weird. Move your hands." He batted Bucky's hands away and examined the line of his nose, then the full effect of his face. "Right as rain. Stop being a baby." He leaned forward and kissed either side of Bucky's nose, then the bruised bridge of it, then brushed the tip of his nose against Bucky's in apology.

Fine, that was enough to sate Bucky. He brushed his nose against Sam's again before leaning back against the cave wall. "How are we gonna get out of this one, Sam?" he asked.

Sam adjusted to sit beside him, grimacing as rough rock bit into his shoulders and back. "I don't know. Do you think the temporal imbalance will still be where we came in at? It disrupts the fabric of time and reality, right?"

"I don't think anything at all about this shit. I just call Strange and tune him out when he gets bitchy."

"So, all the time," Sam surmised with a tired, but affectionate, grin.

"Yeah, kind of," Bucky admitted. He dropped his arm around Sam's shoulders and pulled him closer. "Do you know anything about dinosaurs?"

"Not really," Sam admitted himself. "I missed both boys' dinosaur phases."

"Do you think they're, like, diurnal?" Bucky ventured.

"No idea. There had to have been some nocturnal ones, right?"

"Yeah, but probably not the big ones."

Sam's eyebrows rose in thought. "They're all big, but I guess that kind of makes sense. So, what did you have on you for our date night?"

Bucky looked at Sam with a little bit of an abashed look. "Don't make it sound like I wore a tac belt," he muttered. "I just have a few knives. Didn't even have a gun in my jacket. Wherever that is now. I don't think a handful of combat knives are going to help us out here."

Sam had retrieved his own knife and flipped it around in his fingers. Each time the sharp side passed over the pads, it made an low scratching sound. Sam didn't need Bucky to tell him to take care of his shit and clearly he did it well. It still wasn't going to help.

"The only thing we can try is looking for that temporal weakness," Sam decided. "And the longer we wait, the more likely it is to close."

"I'm gonna tell Torres you had no faith in his ability to find us," Bucky threatened emptily.

"I don't think he'd blame me," Sam assured. He stood, then offered his hand down to Bucky to haul him up. "Hopefully we'll be able to tell when something big is coming at us. We didn't recognize the sound last time because we weren't prepared. Now we know what we're up against."

Bucky nodded. "Stay close to me, alright? Vibranium is still stronger than dinosaur teeth."

"Your arm is the size of their toothpicks, Buck," Sam pointed out, but he let Bucky take the lead.

Bucky half expected something to be waiting for them as they came through the water. They had to get into it to get back to the cliff face and all he did was hope there was nothing flesh eating in the water. Large or otherwise.

But there was nothing waiting for them and nothing eating them. A win all around.

The water helped wash away some of the grime and blood though, which was nice. Bucky had no idea if dinosaurs had acute olfactory systems, but he imagined smelling like the landscape and not unknown human should help. Besides, he thought better when he wasn't disgusting.

The climb down was a different kind of difficult from the climb up. Gravity was useful, but neither of them could see what they were doing and Sam kept managing to put his foot down on Bucky's fingers.

"I'm usually flying," Sam pointed out in a hiss while Bucky pulled out some ancient foul language on him. "I don't have to climb."

Impossibly, they managed to get to the ground without dying. The landscape they'd been dropped into was wetter and greener than Bucky had been expecting. There was foliage and trees and the cliffs provided run off that snaked around in thin streams. It had been a mad dash earlier to find shelter, so Bucky hadn't been able to examine their current prison. He wasn't sure what the safest route-of-action would be.

Sam kept looking up at the trees, but he evidently wasn't finding what he was looking for because he kept walking with a grunt.

"I don't think we should risk eating anything yet," Bucky called over to him, jogging a little to catch up. "That should really be a last ditch effort. Like...you should eat me before you eat something you find here."

Sam's nose scrunched in abject disgust. "I'm not eating you. I'm not looking for food," he added. "I'm looking for birds."

"Why?" Bucky asked. "I don't think birds existed back here. They're all, like, pterodactyls."

"Pterodactyls aren't the closest relatives to birds," Sam corrected. "I mean, like, birds are the closest living relative to pterodactyls, but not the other way around."

"Why are you looking for birds?" Bucky redirected. Because he kind of didn't care about living relatives when they were stuck with the old version.

"Because I--" Sam stopped suddenly, just on the other side of an opening in the tree line. "Buck," he warned so quietly Bucky almost couldn't hear him. Bucky pushed away the safety bar arm that had gone out in front of him so he could stand by Sam.

In the clearing, there was a whole entire T-fucking-rex.

There were lots of times Bucky's thinking brain shut down in favor of his fighting brain. Back in the war, he'd always felt like something else took over his body and moved it around like the worlds most skilled marionette. Since breaking Hydra's conditioning, he'd felt the Soldier settle into his skin during difficult fights.

Coming face to face with a real fucking T-rex, huddled like the world's largest chicken over a nest, had about every dissociative disorder filling Bucky's bones and muscle and soul and hollow spots. He put himself in front of Sam immediately, pushing Sam back so that he'd have a head start on the running.

The dinosaur was tense, but hadn't stood. Bucky had a cat. He knew that look. He knew that not standing didn't mean anything for a predator with power. It was watching them intently. Buck felt like he couldn't move.

"Sam, run," he whispered, pushing at Sam's hip again. "I'll distract it. You need to get back to the cliff."

"Shut up," Sam whispered back. "Just...just let me think. Give me a second."

The T-rex crouched. Terror punched through Bucky like a real object. He almost got sick with it. "Sam, please," he begged. "Get out of here."

"Hey," Sam said. Loudly. Bucky jumped and looked at him with wild desperation. "We're not here to hurt you or those eggs," he said. "We didn't mean to walk this way."

The T-rex cocked its huge head. It blinked, the way lizards did, which was uncanny. And then, for some reason, it settled back down.

"What the fuck is happening?" Bucky whispered.

"I'm saving your life," Sam answered. To the T-rex, he added, "Are there others around? We could use some help."

The T-rex bellowed. It wasn't like in Jurassic Park. It was...deeper. Fuller. Not so metal-on-metal reverb screeching. It was still damn terrifying and Bucky yelped a little. "What the fuck, Sam?" he hissed.

"T-rex is one of the closest relatives to birds. I can talk to birds, ergo I can talk to dinosaurs," Sam explained like that made any sense.

"What the hell do you mean you can talk to birds? Did it just call another T-rex over here?"

"Actually, she called the other one to some other spot. She wouldn't want it near her nest. We have to go meet it."

"Like hell," Bucky objected.

"Do you want to make this trek on foot again? How did that turn out for us last time?"

"What do you mean you can talk to birds?" Bucky repeated.

"Thank you very much," Sam said to the dinosaur. "And sorry again." He ducked back into the tree line and pulled Bucky with him. "I'll explain later. Right now I need to focus. It's not the same as with birds. I'm having to think a lot more here."

"Did you drink the water? Are you having hallucinations? Hell, am I?"

Sam pinned an unimpressed look on him. "Let's just get going before she changes her mind," he said blandly.

Not for the first time that afternoon, Bucky wondered what the hell his life was.

[zizz-asdf-re-r-o-u]

So You Want To Know Garu & Karu (Timeline Edition)

Very loosely inspired by Idololivine's Olivine post and Halfeti's Edmond post. Update: here's Phaerlax's post about WRITING Garu&Karu

Lore spreadsheet: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1BSTEdunb5PwVkhcuoEkaFVXUIk02FCnsoYkhL8yB9pA/edit?gid=221633315#gid=221633315

This is also going to double as a directory of all my Garu/Karu analysis posts.

Note: I did not play every 2022/2023 event, so if Garu/Karu had a tiny cameo in other events, I might have missed it even when watching recordings of past events. Please let me know if I'm missing something or have something wrong.

Warning for many spoilers & also trauma!

This timeline was last updated when Ch 14 pt2 was released.

This is an attempt at a complete timeline of Garu & Karu's history, that we know of. I've written quite a few meta about Garu/Karu, and thought we also need a concrete "these are the canon facts of their history".

Pre-Eiden Arrival:

Assume all these dates are before from Eiden's arrival in Klein.

[25-30 years ago before Eiden arrived in Klein] Garu was born to a nomad wolf spirit pack with a gemstone in his throat (Misty Vale, Ch 14)

[20-25 years ago] Garu, still a cub (in Earth normal wolf years, that would mean 3.5~ months old, unsure about Klein wolf spirit years), is kidnapped by some humans that eventually brought him to the Council of Sorcery (Ch 14).

[20-25 years ago] Kolt and his research team force Garu to transform into a wolf yokai/human form. Karu is formed as a DID trauma protective response. (Ch 14)

[23 years ago] Huey disappears, Eiden is born

[20-23 years ago] Kolt & his team continue to torture Karu, while Garu is dormant during the experiments, Cashel takes care of their injuries. (Ch 14)

[20-23 years ago] Rei returns to Council of Sorcery, Cashel catches him up with what's going on. The church has some kind of plan for Kolt's experiment (aka Garu/Karu), so 2 scientists on Kolt's team remove Garu's gemstone, Karu kills them, Rei & Cashel escape with Karu. (Ch 14)

[10-20 years ago] Garu/Karu and Cashel/Gramps are hiding in a cabin in the Dead Zone, killing monsters, taking care of people who get lost in the Dead Zone. At one point, Cashel/Gramps nearly drowns and never recovers from the illness. (Ch 7)

[3-10 years ago] Gramps dies, leaving Garu/Karu to wander Dead Zone alone. They do also find a cave for their main hiding spot. They also meet Blade occasionally in the Dead Zone. (Ch 7, AxBxO)

[Year Eiden arrives] Eiden meets Karu 1st, then Garu in the Dead Zone. Eiden proposes the human slave plan & Karu accepts. (Ch 7)

At this point, I don't know where the timeline is, because we don't know when the events are taking place amongst the main chapters, so I'll split it into sections.

Main story timeline:

Ch 8: Garu/Karu meets the rest of the gang and moves into Aster's mansion.

Ch 13: Garu reunites with Rei & co, they travel to Wood territory to find Kuya & Quincy because the Wood territory is in danger.

Ch 14: Karu makes Rei promise not to tell Garu his history, in part 2, he does anyways.

Events/SSR timeline:

Master's Gift: revealed that Karu idolizes/occasionally visits Kuya

Mystic Banquet/Endless Banquet SSR: G/Karu are not invited to the yokai banquet because they're under 100 years old and not as powerful as Yakumo. Kuya takes them and Eiden along to be his attendants. Shenanigans happen. Note: In the lore document, it says that Garu produced purple flames during his performance. That was actually Kuya that created the flames.

Idol Fest: Karu is a fan of Blade's idol persona.

Klein Star: Karu and Dante hunt a wild animal as a birthday present for Eiden.

Eerie Escapade/Howling Cyclone: It is revealed that Yakumo reads adventure stories to them, Garu likes drawing pictures, and shenanigans happen.

Silver Miracle: Garu sticks up for Kuya when the rest of the clan assumes Kuya is endangering Eiden with Night Crane shenanigans.

AxBxO/Forgotten Fruit: Shenanigans happen inside a book AU. Garu officially asks out Eiden to be his commander/master. Karu admits that he doesn't hate Eiden in a very backhanded way.

Misty Vale/Ethereal Guardian: Garu finds how hints about his past, so we can assume this event happened before ch 14 for sure.

Frozen Echoes/Binary Starlight: Echo spirits shenanigans happen including Karu getting kidnapped for 2/3 of the event. Garu & Karu perform with Edmond & Quincy for the Festival, Aster sells merch with everyone's face. Karu is scouted and then auditions to be a model, shenanigans, he gets some fans, and then ends up being a model/promoter for one of the restaurants.

Garu/Karu make cameos in Journey to a Nu World and Fancy Capricio, but they're AU/dreamland events and therefore not happening in the real (Klein) world. The only thing that happens in the real (Klein) world is that they join the clan in the hot springs.

Desert of Dusk/Stampeding Adventurer: Garu goes with Eiden to a town outside of Solaria while Dante is investigating it. Shenanigans. We can assume this event happened before ch14 because Garu has another confusing flashback.

Dessert Island Knockout/Beguiling Windchaser: Garu wins round 1 of the sports competition, and then together with Dante & Quincy wins the final flag of the whole contest. Garu is fast enough to be able to dodge both Dante and Quincy's (paintball/fire) attacks. Karu is apparently afraid of ghosts now, and can be easily fooled by human scent tricks.

This post will be updated as future events/chapters occur!

All my Garu/Karu analysis posts:

[amazing-spiderling]

For the character ask game, Scott Summers and/or Kurt Wagner, #7 & #12

<3

7. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Scott: People making jokes about Scott yelling "JEAAAAN :00000" all the time will never not be funny to me. IDK there's just something about people who end up marrying their high school sweethearts that's a little wacky. And as much as I enjoy ragging on the guy, I am glad that the fandom has come around and is appreciating his character development, especially from the last 20 years of comics.

Kurt: I've literally never met an X-Men/comics fan that doesn't like Kurt. Like he may not be their FAVORITE, but he's kinda the unproblematic fave of the fandom, so if you bring him up, the odds of people having something positive to say are pretty high. If anything, I think people are better about criticizing a bad writer or bad production decisions for any wonky characterization, rather than jumping to, "this is why this character sucks" like I've seen them do for other characters in comics.

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

Scott: Wow, my feelings about Scott are kind of a jumble. I haven't read that many comics that focused on him specifically, so I feel like I'm drawing from all of the various media interpretations... I hesitate to make a claim about comics Scott because I'll say something like, "he writes a blog about baking" and someone is going to come in and be like, "X-Factor explicitly stated that he writes about gardening".

Okay, upon a little thought, I do have one. After he was resurrected following whatever the hell was going on between the Inhumans and Mutants in "Death of X", Scott felt REALLY BAD about what happened to my boy Alchemy, and we didn't see it, but offscreen he made sure that Tom was at the front of the line for Mutants to bring back to life on Krakoa. He yelled at Emma about it, too. (That last part probably was elaborated on, but I want to imagine that he was mad about that death in particular, since she used his voice/commanding personality so heavily and ended up getting Alchemy killed without a second thought.)

Kurt: I guess I'm not really sure if this is a headcanon or just like, a gut feeling- but... I don't see Kurt ever settling down, getting married, having kids. Which is kind of a wild thing to say because the man is HUSBAND MATERIAL THROUGH AND THROUGH and Marvel writers who get to take a swing at future versions of the X-Men love giving him a family... but he's always married to some rando who showed up in one (1) forgettable comic from 30 years ago that nobody remembers. It's sort of the problem of having chemistry with everyone, but then maybe not having a "spark" with one person in particular.

My use of the word "spark" here is intentional- as those familiar with his arc during the recent Krakoa era of X-Men comics might have picked up. Kurt creates the idea of a "spark" as a universal concept for Mutants of any/all faiths to embrace, a means to protect the sanctity and respect for the miracle of life. He was one of the few to recognize the need for Mutants to have something outside of themselves to pursue, and it came at no small cost to himself. In fact, he became something of an outsider, observing the community he loved, so that he could better serve them- and that I think is the crux of the issue. His "true love" is not another person, it's the preservation of a dream, and providing hope to all mutants. Even in the alternate world where he married Wanda and they had TJ, the couple lives apart from one another, each a part of their own respective teams because while they loved each other, they realized they could not focus on their duty when they were together. The mission still came first. I don't know that I mean he should join the conventional priesthood (if only because time has shown not enough comics writers are well versed enough in organized religion to write convincing and compelling comic stories about it) but his devotion to the Legionaries was close enough for me.

It's a bit of a double edged sword- I think it's something that makes his character unique, and I could turn this idea over and over in my head endlessly, but it comes at a bit of a cost from a meta perspective. I think part of the reason there's not as much fiction for the poor boy is because he doesn't have really solid canon ship fodder (NightWolves shippers have all my respect, mind you, but somehow it seems to draw a niche crowd?), so he tends to sit in the background like charming blue set dressing. It's okay though, we all still love him.

[forestshadow-wolf]

Blossoms of love

Stories and feelings

Pairing: soap/ghost

tags: angst, hurt/comfort, hanahaki, mentions of past character death

Ao3 link || chapter 1 || chapter 2

As hard as he tried, sleep evaded all attempts at capture. Still he kept his eyes closed, hoping by some miracle to catch even a wink of sleep. 10, 15, 30 minutes passed before he gave up, finally deciding the eventual back pain from the position wasn’t worth pretending to sleep anymore. When he opened his eyes he was met with a certain pair of piercing, blue, scottish eyes. He felt a less than comfortable flare of pain in his throat, thankful for the mask covering his face.

At some point while he had his eyes closed, Price had moved to the seat next to Gaz, and they were playing a game of cards. Soap, seeing that his eyes were open, scooched over to the seat next to him. The ache didn’t ease as soap sat down, in fact it flamed hotter as soap knocked their knees together. The pain was so great that for a moment he forgot how to breathe, and he hoped only he noticed how raspy his breathing had gotten.

“You alright, L.T.? Bin kind o’ wheesht th’ lest tae days.”

“English.”, the playful jab was second nature by now.

“Quiet. Ye been quiet since yesterday.”, he clarified. Ghost had to clear his throat before replying. Soap gave him a quick look that he couldn’t quite decipher.

“I’m always quiet.”

“Ah ken, but not this quiet.”, his chest seemed to tighten at the scot’s words.

“Don’t worry about me, johnny.”, he could hear his own breath rattling in his chest as he spoke.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence after that. Though it wasn’t too long after that soap began telling ghost about his day yesterday. How he’d been helping a rookie fit one of the vehicles in the shop, which quickly led to how his granda taught him how to fix all sorts of vehicles.

“He sounds like a good man, johnny.”

“Aye, he was.. He got hit by a drunk driver a few years back, he didn’t make it to the hospital. My nan was heartbroken.” he fidgeted with his fingers as he finished, as if he hadn’t told anyone until just now.

“She…”, he had to clear his throat again, “did she develop…” he trailed off at the end, not wanting to… offend him. Soap nodded his head.

“They offered surgery but, uh, but she refused.”

“Sorry to hear. I… I know the pain.”

His chest twanged with pain, and his breath rattled again as he was overcome with an urge to ease the sergeant’s pain. He was unable to cover the wet cough that took over his body without warning. A hand began rubbing soothing circles on his back and shoulder, and suddenly he had swallowed barbed wire. The next hack brought out copper tanginess, and spit softened spindles to coat his tongue and lips.

When the fit was over he could feel two pairs of eyes on his back, and one on his masked face. He could feel a very slight dampness on his lips, which he assumed indicated his mask hadn’t been left unaffected.

“Ghost.”, price called over in a concerned voice.

“‘M fine, cap. Swallowed a fiber from my mask by accident.” he answered, not turning to look at the man, ignoring the way the debris on his lip rubbed irritatingly between his lip and the mask when he spoke. The twin sets of burning gazes stayed for another excruciatingly long moment before dissipating.

He took a steadying breath that rattled so loudly he was sure soap could hear before lifting up the bottom of his mask, just enough to rest on the bridge of his nose. Soap’s gaze hadn’t wavered once, and his eyes shot down to his lips as soon as they were exposed, recognition lighting up in them.

“Ghost..?”, the words were barely above a whisper.

“This isn’t-.. It’s not… my first time.”, he breathed through his mouth as he spoke.

“We hafta- you should- price has to know.”

“No.” ghost immediately shot back, “not yet.” he added to ease the blow.

“Ghost..”, soap, oddly enough, looked saddened by his words.

“Please, johnny, I should have a few more weeks, at least, before it gets too bad. You can’t tell him.” ghost was nearly ready to get on his knees to beg, when soap finally relented with a dejected sigh.

“You said… this wasnae your first time?” soap asked after a moment of quiet. He nodded.

“It was years ago, and I got the surgery to remove it.” he said softly.

“Why didnae ye just tell whoever it was?”

“It doesn’t work like that.. And I couldn’t.”

“Why not?” ghost whipped off the remaining petals and pulled his mask back down.

“It’s gotta be a natural reciprocation, johnny.” he said, purposefully playing dumb.

“Ah ken that, but why couldnae ya tell ‘em?”, he got the feeling soap knew what he was doing. He answered with a sigh.

“We were both military. It was a bad OP with faulty intel, and it only got worse from there. They didn’t make it, along with several others. A few weeks later I, along with a few others began developing symptoms. I got it removed as soon as I could, it took almost 2 months of recovery. Those two months were the worst I've ever experienced. Don’t think I could do that again. One of them chose not to, they were given the flower just before they died, I heard they got buried together. After that I only went on solo for a while, that’s why I go on so many now. Old habits and all, ya’know.”

Soap hummed an understanding as he shook his head to clear his mind of the memories.

“... Ye ken who it is?”

“maybe.”

“Think ya got a shot?”, the scot asked, an honest question.

“Dunno.”, ghost answered just as truthfully.

“Do I get ta ken?”, soap asked lightly.

“No.” ghost answered just as light. Even as the pain in his chest simultaneously eased up and stabbed deeper at the same time.

-------------

@checkerscharlie @halb-nichts @heyitsropi @trekkie-in-space

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Chapter 2 - Ephemeral Aurora

Hello! I just wanted to say that I'm a huge fan of your work and uh... I searched you up on the internet and found out you have a very fascinating Forensics blog! I am left speechless by your fantasy work and by the genius experiments you show and explain through detailed videos and pictures! If you would allow me, it would be my highest honour to share a hot beverage with you, as a way of thanking you for your effort and dedication. P.S. : I work in I.T. in the same building as you. I found out yesterday thanks to Molly Hooper.~ James M.

She found this Direct Message on one of her blogs under the name of The_Notorious_JM, an eloquent IT worker who, apparently, had been in the same building as her - And she'd never met him before! Quite certain, it sounded similar to what happened with her and Sherlock, being in association with Lestrade, but not having met for years! My, she wasn't the best at making friends, but when someone so nice goes out of their way to befriend her, she's more than willing to engage! Very excited, yes she was - So excited that she immediately replied to him; The text had been sent the previous week - And what a coincidence, the very night that almost sealed her already doomed fate!

Regardless, she replied to him, setting the time and place for their meeting; A nice breakfast before work, at her favourite vintage cafe she always frequents. As per usual, she dolled herself up very nicely that morning - Nicer than usual, in fact - And she made her way towards the cafe. The weather was unexpectedly lovely for a mundane day in London - It was sunny and warm, just as she loves her days! 

Entering the cafe, she lifted her sunglasses up on her hair ( she always did love how her hair looks, slicked back with those glasses, exposing her lovely features and impeccable make up ) and looked around the tables, looking for the man in cause. He had told her he's quite average and doesn't stand out - A simply tired man in his 30s, black hair and black eyes, dressed in simple and quite boring clothes also - Unfortunately, that hadn't helped much, considering the customers. Thankfully, one man lifted his hand up and smiled like a sweet, bashful dove, and Katrina was simply endeared to sit in front of him. He looked adorable and so kind, this man, and he kept his smile on his face constantly - Though she, of all people, knew not to underestimate how scary people can be, underneath all this social facade.

A gentleman in the right sense, James had gotten to his feet to help her remove her coat, and pull the chair for her - So she was right, the famed British chivalry was NOT dead! Oh, how thrilled she was to witness such gallantry! "Fancy meeting you, Miss Raven." the man spoke; His voice was gentle and rather soothing, Katrina noted. She was highly auditory sensitive, so she naturally leaned towards people with lovely voices that didn't startle or put her on edge. Simply from the calm washing over her with every word he uttered, the lady was content with the idea of making a new friend. "Eh - I'm sorry, I'm not that good with social interactions. It's a miracle I even befriended someone nice like Molly - And that's mostly because she offered to pay for my coffee one day when I forgot my wallet." he chuckled, at little embarrassed.

"oh, yes, Molly is a wonder personified! I, also, would have been friendless in this place, were it not for her being so kind to me when I was hired. We don't meet that often these days, our schedules are conflicting a little, but I always love to take her out to pubs or cafes once in a while." admitting to also being a social failure, the two found themselves unable to stifle their giggles - Were they pathetic? Were they tragic? Were they losers? Perhaps all of them! But it mattered little, in such great company.

"Oh - Forgive my manners, I completely forgot to introduce myself. Name's James, but my colleagues call me Jim. I'm fine with either." the girl smiled dearly at him, and she nodded her head. How she loved this simple fan talk.

"No need for apologies, it's quite alright! It is not your fault we had already gotten absorbed in this engaging conversation." she waved her hand dismissively. "May I call you James? I think it's a beautiful name." he chuckled timidly, looking down, but still nodding in agreement. "Say - Can I ask you something?" he urged her to go ahead. "What do you do in IT? Programming? Accountancy? Hacking?"

"Oh, I - Well, I do some accountancy, yes, but I mostly do programming. I'm not yet allowed to do too much hacking, but it's fine, I'm still learning, so I'm getting there." office work can't always be fun, Kat realised with a little sadness.

"I bet you're bored a lot at work, huh? There's few things that can beat hacking, in this industry, am I right?" James' dark eyes widened with surprise - She was a Forensics Doctor, what did she know about hacking? She couldn't... Or, could she?

"You?" she nodded, wearing the cunning smile of a vixen. "You're a hacker?!" he asked in a hushed tone. "That's wicked!"

"I've always been interested in video games and computers, so this came natural to me. I needed a hobby to pull myself through Med School." her laughter was so charming, crystalline like an angel's lullaby/

"Have you ever done anything fun with it?" he leaned over the table, completely forgetting about his latte. He had to hear more of this little mischief!

"I paid for my holidays abroad." what an innocent princess smile! It hid all the nefarious deeds she's done!

"You're insane! I could never, I -- I'd be too scared to do something like that!" he was flabbergast, yet genuinely impressed. "Say - I have this personal project I've been working on. It's a game based on hacking - Kinda like... A digital escape room? Or - Or, I guess, some puzzles and riddles, you could say? Anyway, it's a thinking game. It's still in it's beta state, but would you be interested in testing it once it's playable?" how in the world could she refuse those beautiful doe eyes of his?

"I would be honoured to! I haven't done anything that fun in so long! I am so excited! I hope it's going to be soon!" she did a little cutesy clap, making the man before her chuckle at her silliness. "Thank you for trusting me so much with your precious project, despite us just meeting for the first time!"

"I can always assume anyone who is Molly's friend is a great person, just like her." aww, wasn't he so adorable~.

"Hey, can I be nosy a little~?" the lady giggled, playing with a strand of her long, blue hair. "You and Molly... You are dating, aren't you?"

"How... How'd you know? Did she say anything to you?" she simply shook her head, smiling enigmatically.

"You're just - You know... I guess you could call it a girly hunch. You're very cute when you mention her name. I just guessed - You're the one who confirmed my theory." the two remained in a glowy silence, smiling at each other dearly, sipping from their coffee.

"I didn't... I didn't realise I was so obvious." his voice went even softer. "I am really like, you know. I'm like to have someone like Molly in my life. She is... She is very kind." 

"Yes, I can completely agree with you. The world is a better place with her around." Katrina placed her hand over his own, squeezing it lightly. "I hope the two of you will have your happily ever after."

"How romantic..." he smiled, nodding in gratitude. "Yes, I - I hope the same also. Thank you, Miss Raven. Thank you - For being such a special friend. I know it may sound pathetic for a man my age, but I've never had anyone being so kind and understanding with me. You, and Molly - I thank you both."

"You have nothing to thank us for - If you weren't a lovely person, neither of us would have bothered with you." with a playful wink, the bluenette chuckled charmingly and leaned back in her seat, ordering another caramel mocha.

"This Sherlock figure - He must be a lucky man." the girl couldn't help but arch an inquiring eyebrow. "Molly spoke about him... A lot." a lot...? Why would she... Oh! Oh... It was only then that it clicked to her - The man Molly has been having a crush on for YEARS and years on end; The gorgeous young man, a genius like no other, handsome, with a masculine jaw and lovely cheekbones, with sharp sky-like eyes and adorable dark curls - And quite possibly, the most dazzling smile in the world - Or so she said; That man... That man WAS Sherlock! And she probably didn't want to say his name, in case she'd make a fool of herself! Goodness - What a coincidence! "Said you'd just meet recently, and he's been praising you for how much you helped with the last case." Sherlock Holmes praised her? In front of the woman who has a massive crush on him? Poor Molly must have been devastated!

"He - He praised me? Truly? I - I'm flattered! That's not something I hear too often." she was surprised, very surprised. "I'm undeserving - Though yes, it was an insane case - Very, very scary, and I'd rather not go through something like that again. I almost died, you see - I was unnervingly close to death. I don't understand why I got entangled in this mess - I'm not smart like Sherlock, I'm just a little intuitive, if anything - So why... Well, I can't tell!" she took out her lace fan from her purse, making a little air for herself. Remembering that whole case and how close she was to death always seemed to make her feel a little suffocated. "I had a lot of fun unveiling the mystery, don't get me wrong - But I'd rather leave Sherlock to unmask the criminals. I don't like being in the line of fire like that."

"That must have been scary. I heard some rumours about it - People talk a lot around the office; And then there's Doctor Watson's blog detailing that case - A study in pink - He called it. The gun, and the two pills - I heard you played that game - How did you know which was the right one?" that nervous smile of hers stirred feelings inside his heart.

"I didn't." she whispered. "I thought the gun was a fake - I've never seen a gun before - So I asked if that was the true way out. The killer said yes, for the others, but not me, I had to play. That's why I thought - Maybe it's not the pills that are poisoned, but the water you had to take them with - So I waited to see if he took his pill with water, and my theory was half-confirmed. I took mine without water also - Bloody awful ordeal - And I was perfectly safe. Whether it was luck or not... I don't want to think about it too much." folding her fan, she tapped it softly to her lips, half-dissociating from reality as she remembered that night.

"That must have been horrible. I hope you're feeling a little better by now." he sounded sympathetic towards her; Before he could say more, however, the girl's phone rang, revealing a most interesting ringtone; The chorus of a Scorpions song, 'Still Loving you'. Fascinating taste in music. "Please, excuse me." she looked at the caller ID; It was an unknown number. "Hello, Sherlock. What is it?"

"How did you know it was me?" came the very man's amused voice. "I never gave you my number."

"You just did." the lady huffed with glee. "Nobody calls me - And I have all my acquaintances' numbers registered in this phone." she explained casually.

"Smart." he noted dully. "We have a date tonight." how could he say something so outrageous, with so much nonchalance?

"Say that again?" she was, in all senses of the word, flabbergast.

"Chinese circus. I'll pick you up at 7." came his explanation. She needn't any more details - This was clearly for a case. A most intriguing case.

"Are we faking, or should I take it as a proper date, then?" perhaps she wasn't even realising, James thought as he was the beautiful woman before him, but as she was speaking of the phone, her fingers were twirling around a velvety strand of blue hair, just like a lovestruck schoolgirl would, speaking with her crush. Fascinating how one's eyes could sparkle, and a smile can become so dazzling; A woman in love with emanating beauty and charm, just like a Goddess of the Sun.

"There's nothing to say it can't be both." he hung up, without allowing room for protest or a continued conversation; Katrina's cheeks were warm, and a huge pinker than usual.

He almost felt bad for interrupting, but he simply had to break her unknown reverie. Their shift was going to start soon, unfortunately for both of them. "Let me guess - Sherlock?" he smiled cheekily at her, almost like an elder brother teasing his little sister.

"Sound deduction, Special Detective M!" she exclaimed all of a sudden. "You won't try to steal our job, will you? First, a hacker, and now, a detective? Ha! What can you not do!"

James simply chuckled, shaking his head. Her theatrical replies amused him greatly. "I'm good, I'm good - I think I'm better at working in the shadows, anyway. I don't consider myself too much of a front guy."

"Oh~!" she made mysterious noises. "M, the Notorious Hacker of London, strikes again! What will he do next - Steal the Queen's Jewels?!"

"I rather like the sound of that - Just like my username! Has a nice ring to it!" he laughed at her silliness. "Perhaps I will do just that! I will stay on the throne, and then - You should see me in a crown!"

"Yes, yes, just that!" she encouraged his villainy. "Then - The Swiss Bank - It's the easiest; Book yourself and Molly a nice honeymoon trip abroad! Maybe the Maldives!"

"The Swiss Bank? You joke! That's too much for me, I'm just a small programming guy who wants to make a game -- I couldn't possibly have the skills for that!" the girl's smirk widened, yet said nothing. "No -- Really? You? Ha! You're far more dangerous than the Notorious Hacker M! Nobody would suspect you!"   "I'll let you figure that out on your own, James. We've got to go clock in soon." the man offered to pay, and before they split ways inside the building, he promised to hand her the USB with the game soon enough.

In the meantime, however, she couldn't help but think - How in the world could a Chinese Circus intertwine with a case worthy of the Great Detective Sherlock Holmes?

Since it was a Chinese Circus, Katrina thought she'd fit in; She had always appreciated the culture - Partially thanks to the introduction into Chinese Imperial dramas that opened this whole new and impressive world for her; In her mind, the hanfu was the prettiest outfit, and although she wouldn't dare wear it on the dirty and wet streets of London, she would be more than honoured to become a Chinese Princess, at least for one day, running through the gardens of the Forbidden City.

For this date, however, she'll choose something a little more tamed, yet still in theme; First, she styled her hair coquettishly yet still appropriate for her age, long and flowing with the wind, yet with some cute flowery accessories pinning two soft braids. She chose a long skirt, pink like a peony and tied tightly to her waist - It was delicately embroidered with the patterns of plum flower branches in blood. The blouse, white with bell sleeves and a small collar, was tucked neatly in the skirt - It, also, had soft petals embroidered across the hems. For once, she had no jewellery, and only sported a small pink purse filled with all necessities. She couldn't wear pot shoes with the troublesome cobbled streets, unfortunately - Though she had a perfect pair of pink and thick mary jane shoes that matched well with her white stockings.

As promised, come 7 o'clock, Katrina heard a knock on her door; She got up from the couch, and she answered. Sherlock was standing tall in front of her. It was the first time he peered into her apartment, and he couldn't help but analyse - He wanted to know more about this genetically successful specimen. 

"If you want to get a glimpse into who I am, how about you come in for a cup of tea? I am sure that would be enough time for you to analyse just about the whole place." she opened the door wider, welcoming him inside.

"Have I really gotten this obvious?" he asked, though he knew the answer. He sat down on the couch in the living room, and waited to be served tea. "Lovely place. Suits your tastes very well." indeed, you wouldn't say this apartment once was identical to his own - In fact, it hardly even looked British at all, were it not for certain elements that couldn't be so easily removed or changed.

"Thank you! I am very happy with this safe haven." she replied, smiling charmingly. "Mrs. Hudson also loves it - She's given me an offer to buy it. Said she'll only give me this offer - So I've been going out of my way to decorate it to my tastes... And save enough money to get the whole thing for myself."

"Great deal indeed." he muttered, straightening up back a little to get a better look at the place - Although, his eyes couldn't help but dart towards the lady who was humming along to the softly-playing melody from the background, and preparing the tea. Just like her outfit, the song was Chinese - Who knew she would be interested in the culture. What a scary coincidence!

"Do you know Chinese?" he found himself asking, watching as she carefully placed the tray on the table. The porcelain set was Chinese; White, and painted with pink flowers and gold. Manually, he deduced. Well painted, but still, not an expert. Did she do it herself?

"Yes, I've been learning it for the past few years." even more of a coincidence. "I can't say I'm an expert - I haven't dedicated my time entirely to learning it - But I think I'm at least around mid-level. I can hold a conversation well enough, comprehend phrases, and even understand and write some of the easier symbols."

"I see... That's useful." he hummed to himself, watching her slender fingers pour him tea with such grace, as if she was recreating the sacred tea ceremony. "What do you suppose is a book that everyone would have at home?"

"Lord of the Rings?" her joked earned a small exhale of amusement from the man, though he didn't deny it. "Back home, every household had two books - The Bible, and a Dictionary. Don't ask why - Take it as it is."

"Duly noted. Good insight, as always." he nodded to himself, leaning to grab the foreign tea cup. "Did you paint these yourself?"

"Oh, yes, I did! It was a lot of fun! I've seen this design in one of the dramas I watched, and I simply had to recreate it." her joy seemed to amp up immediately, he noticed. "I only use this set on special occasions though, it's very precious to me. Usually, we just use Lea's set. It's very cute and fancy - I'd say it has Versailles influences."

"Fascinating." yes, and not quite. He might appreciate art, but he couldn't say he was that much of a die-hard enthusiast. "What about the fan on the table? I suppose you're taking it with you? It matches your skirt."

"Well remarked - Yes, I also embroidered it - Just like with this outfit. I love embroidering. I'm not the best, I know, but I found it relaxes me. Mrs. Hudson saw me embroidering on the window pane one day, and that's how we got so close." he wasn't surprised a doctor with nimble fingers would be dexterous in other crafts also - One needn't create a masterpiece, you create quality products.

They didn't speak more, through the duration of them drinking tea; Normally, this was a time to be sociable, but he was far too lost into the ocean of information, to come up with word-riddle plays, a game of chess, create poems or even indulge in old-lady gossips.

An eccentric woman this one, even if she doesn't quite realise it herself; No wonder Donovan hates her. Few people would step on their normalcy, to indulge in their niche love for another culture, or anything that isn't quite the socially acceptable norm. Does that mean she's brave? Confident? Or simply that she's come to a point where she just wants to find her own happiness without caring for others' erronated opinions?

The whole place was impeccably clean, and tidy; There was nothing out of place, not a single thing. Very meticulous and attentive to details. The apartment was big, and had the stairway to upstairs - Who knows what kind of personal wonders are hiding up there also? All artefacts that would showcase her passions and love for whatever she's interested in.

There is one thing, however, that he noticed, and that is the lack of any family pictures, or anything to remind her of personal relationships she has - Most people have that, don't they? Anything to remind them of home? He could find, in his sight, nothing of the sort. That would correlate in a peculiar way with his own theory - That she is wallowing deep in loneliness. He's never had a problem with that - He doesn't find it a nuisance, in fact, he enjoys his personal space and the ability to be as quirky as he needs; But ordinary people are desperate for interhuman relations.

This impeccable specimen before him was wearing a passive smile, looking at him; Surely, she doesn't always carry herself with such grace, does she? She looked like a scroll painting depicting one of those tragic Four Beauties from the myths. They say, the more beautiful a woman, the more she suffers. What a silly fortune-telling. "Alright, Magnolia flower, shall we?" at once, Sherlock rose to his feet, offering his hand in a gentlemanly way. 

He played cheeky, Katrina thought, immediately smiling with joy; He called her magnolia flower - That was Hua Mulan's name. A most valiant beauty, known throughout history. If she didn't know better, she'd call him quite romantic! Or, perhaps he was hinting towards her tragic fate - That sounded more of a Moriarty route though.

"Much obliged, Zhang Heng." oh, the stellar look on his face! Katrina placed her hand over his own to raise to her feet, then left the house together, hooked to his arm. They passed as quite the lovely couple, she'd go as far as to say that, once they passed by a mirror.

Sherlock called a cab and opened the door for her, just like a gentleman would, and told the driver the location to this Circus. Katrina wondered what this circus was all about - Would it have acrobatics? Gymnastics? Traditional dances? Or some curious kind of entertainment she was unaware of?

She remained hooked to his arms as he guided her up the stairs, and into the building. At the booth, she spotted John with a lovely-looking lady. Was Sherlock's plan to crash John's date? Or was he trying to blend in and investigate without being suspected. John went to pay for his tickets, two, for him and his date; But Sherlock butted-in with an innocent smile. "I phoned back and got one for myself and my date as well." John's face screamed murder. "Hi. I'm Sherlock, and this is Raven, my date."'

"Hello! It's lovely meeting you!" the blue haired lady stood out a little too much, she realised, not that it would let her politeness waver.

"Erh... Hi! I'm Sarah." the two ladies shook hands. "Sorry, I'll be right back." she must have fled for the toilet.

"So... I know you're investigating a case, that much was obvious, but are you also going to tell me what's going on, or did you just take me as your trophy wife?" the serenity with which she spoke almost surprised the detective, yet he didn't hesitate to reply.

"We are here on a date, of course, I promised you that much." he spoke as a matter of factly. "Investigating the case is just entertainment for us. A bonus, if you will." "No, you're not here on a date, stop using Raven as an excuse to ruin my real date just for an investigation!" John immediately snapped at his flat mate. "It was the perfect opportunity." Sherlock answered plainly. "You couldn’t let me have just one night off?" the poor medic was exasperated. "Yellow Dragon Circus, in London for one day. It fits. The Tong sent an assassin to England ... " so they've got a secret society and assassins from China. Should be fun. "Dressed as a tightrope walker. Come on, Sherlock, behave!" came the veteran's exhaustion. "We’re looking for a killer who can climb, who can shin up a rope. Where else would you find that level of dexterity? Exit visas are scarce in China. They need a pretty good reason to get out of that country. Now, all I need to do is have a quick look round the place ... " the mystery thickens - Oh, how she'd have liked to have been able to have helped with the investigation from the very beginning! "Fine. You do that; I’m gonna take Sarah for a pint." John completely dismissed him. "I need your help." begrudgingly, Sherlock admitted. "You have Raven! She's more than capable of helping you in your blind chase! In fact - I'd say she's better than me! Now leave me alone!" poor John was at his wit's end. "I couldn't possibly - What if she messes her outfit? It would be a tragedy, John, have some empathy!" what a jokester, using her coquette style against his flatmate. "I do have a couple of other things on my mind this evening!" the detective didn't get it. "You are kidding."

"I don't think he is kidding, John. I don't think he understands." Raven smiled, showing pity to the poor man. "What - What are you two talking about? What’s so important? We've got to solve this case!" Holmes was frustrated with the lack of cooperation. "Sherlock, I’m right in the middle of a date. D’you want me to chase some killer while I’m trying to ..." John tried to explain, but without being so forthright with his intention.

"He wants to pursue Sarah in the future a little more in depth; Romantically, or more." Katrina tried to explain it as diplomatically as she could.

"For God's sake, John - We've got three dead bodies and a running criminal, and all you think about is to get off with--" seeing Sarah approaching, the blue haired lady wrapped her hands around Sherlock's arm, forcing him to shut up as she cuddled into his side.

"Sherlock, darling, I think the show is about to start soon - Shall we go take a look? Sarah's returned also." how inconspicuous, the detective noted, offering a wry smile followed by a nod as he guided her towards the room with the stageplay.

They approached the play, surrounded by candles on the ground. Everything was nicely decorated, and Chinese instrumental music played. "You said circus. This is not a circus. Look at the size of this crowd. Sherlock, this is... Art." John didn't sound too happy about seeing art. Why though? She couldn't understand. "This is not their day job." the detective looked around, his keen eye scanning every inch of the chamber. "No, sorry, I forgot. They’re not a circus; they’re a gang of international smugglers." why in the world are they dealing with smugglers?! As the show began, a Chinese woman in her middle ages took the spotlight. She was wearing a red outfit reminiscent of a Qing dynasty Peking Opera, embellished with gorgeous jewellery; And even her make up was fantastic! "Her outfit is marvelous! I've always loved Peking Opera!" she watched with complete focus as the woman showed off a large arrow, and then stepped towards a veiled object about as large as her; She took the sheet off, revealing a huge crossbow-like mechanism decorated like a lion, or a serpent dragon. She gracefully placed the arrow in the mechanism, before taking a feather from her head ornament - And as soon as she placed it on the metal plate that activated the mechanism, the arrow was shot at incredible speed, lodging itself into the wooden wall in front. "How wonderful!" Sarah had also gasped in awe, looking at her date.

The assistant, a man wearing a typical male mask painted with the same Peking Opera allure, got chained, and put against the wooden wall. "Classic Chinese escapology act." Sherlock explained to them. The crossbow’s on a delicate string. The warrior has to escape his bonds before it fires."

The gong was hit once, startling Sarah enough to jump on her date; John seemed thrilled being so close to her; Sherlock looked at them with a certain boredom, then looked at the blue haired lady; She was clutching her embroidered fan, hiding that mesmerised smile of her. It seemed, seeing such rare art before her very eyes, got her quite euphoric. In spite of how easily startled she usual was, she hadn't flinched a bit from the sudden loud gong; And it was no surprise, coming from a Peking Opera enthusiast. Those were the perfect cues for the actors to perform certain moves. He was more intrigued whether or not she knew how to perform. The performer lady took a small dagger, showing it to the audience. "She splits the sandbag; the sand pours out; gradually the weight lowers into the bowl." she did just that. The audience watched the man struggle, and the weight descend swiftly towards the bowl. "Stay with John and Jean and make sure they're alright." the detective softly tapped his date's shoulder.

"You're leaving me to third-wheel their date?" she looked like a distraught kitten, looking up at him like that. "You can't just abandon our date - You have to take me with you. I already missed most of the investigation." she tried to convince him, but it was in vain.

"Not this time." he seemed very sure of himself. "I'll make it up to you." placing both hands on her shoulders, he turned her back towards the performance. "Don't mind me - Just enjoy yourself. I know you're into this." and he left without another trace.

Just as expected the escapologist just narrowly escaped; Nevertheless, a round of applause welcomed the performers. How fascinating! "Ladies and gentlemen, from the distant moonlight shores of the Yangtze River, we present for your pleasure the deadly Chinese bird-spider." as she walks away, a masked acrobat descends from the ceiling, rolling through the air as the broad red textile wrapped around his waist unravels. The audience applauds and he stops a couple of feet above the ground, holding his body parallel to the floor.  "Did you see that, Sarah?" John looked at his date, fascinated. "Yes, it was awesome!" Sarah replied back with just as much glee.

Katrina, however, was mute; She was far too busy enjoying the show to realise the black curtains at the very back of the chamber fluttering - Until Sherlock was thrown out, and a Chinese warrior right after, ready to annihilate him. John was the first to rush in and push the enemy off of his friend; Katrina followed soon after, hitting the man with a masterful kick to his mask; And Sarah came last, hitting him with some wooden sword or something. The enemy was on the ground, unconscious; Sherlock took off his shoe, revealing a lotus-like tattoo on his heel.

They didn't wait too long around - They grabbed each other and ran away, taking a cab towards the police station. There, they weren't greeted by Lestrade, but some inexperienced punk who didn't seem to have any clue what was going on. Katrina wasn't quite sure what the international smuggling operation meant, or who the people involved were - She was missing all the pieces of the puzzle; All she knew was that a precious item was stolen, and the Chinese troupe came to get it back - Problem was, no one had any clue what they were looking for.

Finally, they returned home to their flat, and stood straight in front of a wall filled with evidence. There was talk about a rendez-vous spot, and how the troupe won't leave without the stolen item retrieved; For once, Katrina felt as useless and out of place as any person who ever stays around the genius Sherlock Holmes, and has no insight into his brilliant brain. She felt awful.

Sarah was the first to speak up - She asked whether she should leave or not; Frankly, Katrina felt the same, she just didn't have the heart to voice it. Thanks to John, she remained, and agreed to order takeout. The medic went to grab something from the fridge - It was empty. In the meantime, Saraj was looking at the evidence board and felt compelled to make light conversation with the detective. "So this is what you do, you and John. You solve puzzles for a living." she found herself wondering. "Consulting detective." came Sherlock's mindless reply. "Oh. And you, Raven?" she tried again, hoping her fellow lady would be more talkative. "I'm a forensics doctor for the police. Part time hacker and blog runner." Katrina tried to make small talk, but was unallowed, for the detective reached for her wrist and pulled her to his side.

"Your talents are wasted on them." he grumbled. "You said you know some Chinese - Look at this. It's a Hangzhou dialect. A cipher. Any ideas?"

"It's Suzhou." the lady corrected him immediately as she bent a little to look at the pictures depicting yellow graffiti symbols. "It's Suzhou dialect. The term 'Hangzhou' was a misnomer of the time. All accord of the term being used, as far as I'm aware, have been corrected to 'Suzhou'." Sherlock turned his face up to look at her, quite flabbergast.

"Fascinating knowledge you have sometimes - But does it have any relevance in breaking the code?" 

"Nope." he could only groan. "I only know a few symbols - Like here, the single symbols on the paintings - That is the symbol for 1 and that is for 5. Together, they make a 15." the man nodded in agreement. "The numerals on the wall are the same - Two symbols put together and you make a whole number. But you don't need me to know Chinese - Your symbols have already been translated. Look at this -- 9 MILL -- Does that mean anything to you? Does it stand for... 9 million in some currency? Chinese people use the Yuan and the Dollar for international commerce."

Sherlock immediately shot up to his feet, yelling for John and pushing the photograph into his face. "John, look at this. Soo Lin at the museum – She started to translate the code for us. We didn’t see it! “NINE,” “MILL.”  Nine million quid. For what? We need to know the end of this sentence." he hurried to put on his coat. "Where are you going?" the medic asked, frowning in confusion. "To the museum; to the restoration room. Oh, we must have been staring right at it!" Sherlock was already almost half-way out of the door. "The book, John. The book – The key to cracking the cipher! Soo Lin used it to do this! Whilst we were running around the gallery, she started to translate the code. It must be on her desk." just before he rushed out, the lady called out his name.

"Sherlock!" she cried. "Wait!" this time, in spite of her soft voice, he did hear her, and stop, albeit a little impatiently.

"I don't have time right now, and I can't take you with me. It's too dangerous. Just stay here with John and Linda. I promised I'll make it up to you." though he tried to leave, the girl gripped the sleeve of his coat. "What is it?!"

"Sherlock, listen to me!" her gorgeous eyes looked up into his own, as if pleading to be heard. "You asked me two questions today - If I knew Chinese, and about that book - We already figured out the code, but what's it applied to? A book. What book? The most common book that could be in London, right? A London guide of sorts, a dictionary, something like that - It wouldn't stand out to anyone who'd see it. It's completely natural and harmless. So, perhaps, every number corresponds to a page number, a paragraph, a specific word -- You can't go there and search blindly, while you're being hunted down by professional assassins - At least know what you're looking for, find it, and then get out of there quickly before you get hurt."

"You're worried about me?" he found himself smiling almost tenderly at the lovely lady before him.

"Of course I am!" she exclaimed without the least bit of hesitation.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." he reassured, kissing the top of her head once again. "You've given me all the information I needed to narrow my search. I'll be quick." and thus, he bolted out of there, searching for a cab. What a brilliant young woman.

Katrina was a little lost in her reverie while Sarah ordered takeout - While the two were chatting, however, the doctress had a frightening eureka. Those people were professional assassins, and Sherlock Holmes just thwarted their plans. Surely, they'd want the enemy eliminated, yes? So... What was to say... They weren't already going for their flat? In a panic, Katrina went outside; There were still a few people around, but not much. She quickly dialed Sherlock's number. "I'm busy, make it quick."

"I think we're in danger." the line was silent. "I just realised - These guys aren't just ordinary smugglers right? They're the Chinese Mafia. They're among the best when it comes to silent assassinations, aren't they?"

"Just stick to John and Martha. I'll be back soon." he reassured her briefly. "Call Lestrade if you're anxious." Before the lady could answer back, however, a tall bulky man wearing black clothes and a hoodie spoke to her from behind, making her yelp loudly. "Raven? What is it?"

"Th-There's this creepy Chinese guy who's asking me if I have it - I think he's referring to the thing that was stolen from them, right?" she gulped, making small backward steps. "Wh-What do I do? Quick, What do I do?" her legs were trembling violently like two flowers in the breeze. "Sherlock, I am terrified." her whispery tone, completely petrified, sent a shiver down his spine.

"RUN!" 

His command came in vain - Before she could even react and sprint away, the enemy lunged her way, grabbing her by her long flowing hair, punching her to the ground; Her phone fell to the ground, but Sherlock could still hear her cries of pain and alarm - Nobody came to her aid, not even when she was on the ground, with an assailant choking her to death. Soon, her mind slipped away, and darkness veiled her vision and consciousness entirely.

But before I could do anything, the man attacked me, making my phone fall from my hand and holding me in a choke hold as I struggled and struggled to breathe, but to no avail. Sooner than later, I could feel my mind slipping away at a rapid pace and darkness soon veiled over my whole consciousness.

Once she finally awoke, she was painfully bound to a chair next to John and Sarah. Just as she expected, the criminals burst into Sherlock's flat and took them hostage. Neither of the three even dared to speak to each other for they were far too frightened.

The woman performer from the show spoke in the same melodic voice as before, though now, it made the hair on the back of their necks stand up. "A book is like a magic garden carried in your pocket. Chinese proverb, Mr Holmes." Holmes...? Was she mistaking John for Sherlock? John tried to explain himself, but it was for naught. "Forgive me if I do not take your word for it. Debit card, name of S. Holmes." "Yes; that’s not actually mine. He lent that to me." they were so doomed.  "A cheque for five thousand pounds made out in the name of Mr Sherlock Holmes." she continued voicing her reasons behind believing John was actually Sherlock. "Yeah, he gave me that to look after." their only real saviour would be the very man's genius, or him tracking her phone down - Again. "Tickets from the theatre, collected by you, name of Holmes." they were in deep trouble. "Yes, okay ... I realise what this looks like, but I’m not him." no one was going to believe such an unconvincing man. "We heard it from your own mouth." oh, damn his sarcasm! “I am Sherlock Holmes and I always work alone because no one else can compare to my massive intellect.” it would have been hilarious, were they not in such a precarious situation. John soon realised any attempt at persuading the woman were completely hopeless. "Did I really say that? I s’ppose there’s no use me trying to persuade you I was doing an impression."

Before he could finish the sentence, the woman rose a small pistol and pointed it at his head, making John cringe away from it, blowing out a panicked breath and in turn, making the woman grin. She loved tormenting her victims... What a sadist. "I am Shan." that name spoke nothing to the girl, though John seemed to have heard that name before. "Three times we tried to kill you and your companion, Mr Holmes. What does it tell you when an assassin cannot shoot straight?" she cocked her gun, and with a very long tension moment, she pulled the trigger -- Thankfully revealing it to be a blank. This scenario was a million times scarier than the cabbie from before. Kat was so scared, she wanted to cry - She was good at thinking under stress, but she had no clue how to escape a Chinese gang pointing their firearms at them! "It tell you that they're not really trying." Shan continued her terrifying speech. "If we wanted to kill you, Mr Holmes, we would have done it by now. We just wanted to make you inquisitive. Do you have it?" she cocked her gun again, warning them this one wasn't a blank anymore. "Do I have what?" John asked, completely clueless. This case, once again, quite eluded him in many ways. "The treasure." Shan specified, approaching the barrel of the gun to the army vet. "I don’t know what you’re talking about." poor John was trying to struggle against the restraints, but it was no use. Nothing worked.

"The treasure...? John - The man who attacked me asked me the same thing. Is it about the 9 million thing? Is that what they were searching for?" Katrina asked, hoping he would know more - Alas...

"Ah, Miss Black, what a delight. A sight for sore eyes, just like my client suggested." Shan's comment made Katrina's head shoot up with revelation.

"Your client - Moriarty?!" the Chinese woman smiled sardonically.

"And as clever as expected." her henchman stomped to the victims' side, and took the blue haired lady up by the chair - Shan took the sheet off the ceremonial crossbow, and Katrina was placed in front of it. Great. She's in danger again. When will this end? Hopefully not with her life. "Everything in the West has its price... And the price for her life... Information." Shan turned back to John, threatening him. "After you, Miss Black, if your beloved doesn't tell us where the treasure is, that one is going to die next, facing the same execution." she pointed towards the terrified Sarah.  

Faced with such imminent danger, Katrina would do incredibly poor; She was panicking and thinking irrationally, or rather, not at all. How could she think of a way out, when she can't balance her chair to the side and escape the arrow, she can't undo the ties, and there's no one to save her? It is an equation with no solution! Only Deus Ex Machina could save her.

Shan continued her interrogation of poor frantic John - The treasure was revealed to be a hairpin. "The Empress pin valued at nine million sterling. We already had a buyer in the West; and then one of our people was greedy. He took it, brought it back to London and you, Mr Holmes, have been searching." if Sherlock didn't tell her what the case was all about, Shan summarised it perfectly well. "Please. Please, listen to me. I’m not ... I’m not Sherlock Holmes. You have to believe me. I haven’t found whatever it is you’re looking for." John was getting desperate, and rightfully so. There was no getting through with Shan. "I need a volunteer from the audience!" the medic was begging her to stop this execution. "Ah, thank you, lady! Yes, you’ll do very nicely." she pointed towards the bluenette, before stabbing the sand bag - The victim trio were watching the sand swiftly fall into the metal bowl of the crossbow. "Ladies and gentlemen. From the distant moonlit shores of NW1, we present for your pleasure Sherlock Holmes’ pretty companion in a death-defying act." As John tried to plead for everyone's lives, trying to make the woman understand he wasn't actually Sherlock, she only ignored his words and put a black origami on Katrina's lap; It was a black lotus, masterfully done; But the doctress had no time to analyse the pretty origami - She was close to death... And quite the gruesome death. To think she wanted to be pretty on her death day...

"You’ve seen the act before. How dull for you. You know how it ends." Shan taunted the blue haired woman.

"I’m not Sherlock Holmes!" John's voice boomed loudly through the echoing underground, but no one reacted. "I don’t believe you!" Shan snapped at the veteran. "You should, you know!" unexpectedly, Sherlock's voice resounded from somewhere behind Katrina. "Sherlock Holmes is nothing at all like him."

"Sherlock!" she cried out for the first time since she'd been abducted. "Sherlock, please, hurry!" Shan rose her pistol, cocked it and aimed it towards him. He immediately dodged to the side of the tunnel, disappearing into the shadows, making one of Shan’s thugs start to hurry toward the end of the tunnel. "How would you describe me, Raven? Resourceful? Dynamic? Enigmatic?"

"Dramatic!" the terrified bluenette wailed. "And incredibly late!"   "That’s a semi-automatic. If you fire it, the bullet will travel at over a thousand metres per second." Sherlock spoke to her, at the same time he knocked out one of the thugs. "Well?" Shan still kept her pistol aimed that-a-way.

"Well -" he hit another henchman over the head with a crowbar. "The radius curvature of these walls is nearly four meters. If you miss, the bullet will ricochet. Could hit anyone. Might even bounce off the tunnel and hit you." out of nowhere, Sherlock kicked away a dumpster-fire, distracting Shan whilst he lunged to untie the damsel in distress. She could feel his warm fingers touching her own - Every touch on her skin gave her hope, it gave her vitality - Though every glimpse towards that descending weight quickly erased any of that. Unbeknownst to her, a henchman took Sherlock by surprise - He looped a long red textile around the detective's throat and joints multiple times, wrestling him away from the chair, from rescuing the victim. Katrina couldn't see the struggle behind her, only hear Holmes' pained grunts and groans of struggle, fighting off the enemy. "Sherlock, please...!" she couldn't look anymore - She didn't want to see the arrow shooting off and piercing through her skull. That was too macabre to even think about. Instead, she hung her head down, letting the tears fall down her cheeks in river.

With her eyes closed, she couldn't see that John managed to get up, struggling with his chair, and kicked the crossbow trajectory elsewhere; Sherlock, also, headbutt the criminal and, with his pocket knife, swiftly cut off her restraints, jumped forwards, dragging her off the chair, and onto the ground. The arrow shot the criminal in the chest, killing him instantly.

Katrina could feel two strong arms embracing her tightly; She was pressed against his chest, shielded and protected. Sherlock, her hero, saved her once again. 

To think she'd be trembling and weeping so much - The detective was looking down at the girl he was holding so dearly, how she was practically nestled like a kitten in his pocket, how she was clinging to him, but couldn't calm down, even knowing she was safe? Normal people, faced with such imminent death, with close calls - They're so pitiful.

"There should be Five Beauties in China, instead of four." it took some straining from the girl to actually hear what he was saying. "You're safe now." his hands found their way cupping her cheeks, wiping away her rolling crystal tears. "I've got you. You're safe." the most response she managed was a nod of her head. He noticed the evident prints of the assailant's hands around her neck, and the burns on her wrists caused by the rope - But he doubted she would be worried about that, above all. "What kind of monster would dirty a lady's outfit?!" he gasped theatrically, knowing it would do the trick.

"THEY DID WHAT?!" as expected, Katrina's head shot up, and Sherlock could see her shocked expression, it was almost comical. She almost had a most grotesque death, and she's worried about her outfit. What a fascinating specimen. "They are quality textiles - This dirt will be horror to clean off! Oh, that Moriarty owes me a new outfit!"

"Moriarty - Again?" Holmes sombered immediately.

"Yes... Shan said Moriarty was her client. We would have been targeted regardless of the hairpin problem." Katrina finally found her words again.

"Things are getting more complicated." the man hummed to himself. "Can you stand up?" she shook her head. Poor darling was still trembling hard. "I'll help you out, come on." he dragged her up, but didn't account for her weakened state - Katrina collapsed in his arms, fully lax, as soon as she was standing up.

"Sorry, I... I really... Can't feel my legs." she muttered softly.

"Well - A damsel in distress deserved the proper treatment, I suppose. Can't bypass the British gentleman chivalry -- That is what you said, didn't you?" in one swift move, Katrina was, once again, being carried like a princess by the cheeky detective. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you quite enjoyed this."

"I do like it." her honesty was bewildering to the detective - Such genuine yet heartfelt honesty... For some reason, he found it endearing. He couldn't stand Molly's evident crush on him - Exploitable, but for the most part, mundane, irrelevant and borderline annoying. Katrina's kindness, however, felt... Different. He found it... Acceptable. Well, more than acceptable, actually. "I'd just rather not have to go through an incident that thrown me an inch away from my death. I don't think my heart can take this much."

"Well - I promised I'd make it up to you for that failed date, didn't I?" he had a half-smile on his face. "I'll try to downgrade the death chances, and up the ordinary. So - A coffee, perhaps?"

"Yeah, coffee sounds amazing. I know a nice to-go place next to this park." finally, her smile was back, albeit, still wavery and uneasy.

"We can do that." his voice remained calm, soothing even. 

They soon returned back to their flat after briefly speaking to the police and the newbie detective. Katrina, in spite of her exhaustion, needed to take a long bubble bath and scrub away the disgust from her body; She needed to relax somehow, to wipe away her fears and anxieties. She'd been through enough - She deserved a break already.

Still, after performing the self-care routine with all of its steps, she finally flopped on her fluffy bed, opening her laptop to watch some movie and pass out. Sometime through the middle of the movie, she heard her phone buzzing twice. She received two messages - One from James, and the other... From an unknown number called M. Moriarty. In a flash, she took a screenshot of the lockscreen, capturing both messages in the same picture, before finally reading them both properly.

"Hello, Raven! Sorry for disturbing at this hour, but I needed some advice. I don't really have many friends, so if it's okay with you, can we meet up for a warm drink and walk through the park? Heard the weather's going to be lovely tomorrow at noon. I'll bring the game USB stick for testing also. - Jim from I.T. "

Moriarty's message, however, sounded quite different - And in a rather teasing, playful manner.

"I hope you enjoyed our little game of Fan-Tan. Next time, let's make it less dangerous, and more fun. After all, I wouldn't want the little black bird to bring her own death before we get to meet and play The Game - M "

They already started playing the game, Katrina thought to herself, all fear vanished as she plugged in her hacking devices and began tracking down the mysterious Moriarty, her #1 fan.

Oh, Mr. Moriarty, I am more than eager to play this little game of Tag with you~.

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[umichenginabroad]

Week 0: Sleep 0

Hi, my name is Alex Shamoun, a rising sophomore in Robotics. I am Michigan born and raised and I am very excited to be able to share my journey through Reykjavik, Iceland. Iceland is a very unique country in both geography and culture. Iceland being an island formed with a large amount of volcanic activity gives it both a geographic uniqueness and due to its separation from everyone else it was able to be culturally unique. Over these next 7 weeks I can’t wait to share what I get to learn and experience with you. 

Me getting my last bit of real sleep for the next 48 hours.

I will say that while Iceland may be a really nice destination to visit, packing to be here for 7 weeks was not fun. That comes from the fact that Iceland is cold and windy, but despite being from Michigan I don’t really know what I am going to be dealing with. I’ve mostly got a lot of sweaters and hoodies but I also have my fair share of graphic tees and UofM shirts. I spent multiple days packing and repacking just to try and make sure I am well prepared for whatever environments and situations confront me. I think I have enough stuff to where no matter what happens I will be good but who knows. What will I be able to wear or will I freeze? I will learn that and much more very soon. 

The mess that is trying to pack for Iceland and being unsuccessful in said venture.

I am writing part of this while at Reykjavik airport after landing from my overnight flight. We left DTW at 8:30 pm and it was a group of four of us UofM students on an Icelandair flight. I will say that Icelandair was kind of alright. The price was pretty good (when compared to Delta), however there was no meal for a 6 hour trans-Atlantic flight (you have to buy it). I ended up just eating some Kaleche(middle eastern pastry) I had packed with me to satiate my hunger. Once we got off the plane and got through customs we were met with our fabled guide for the next 7 weeks Christopher, and oh boy did he live up to the legends. 

The man, the myth, the legend: Christopher, keeping us entertained.

Christopher was foretold to us by the students of last year as a very eccentric and high energy man and for it being 6 am that was definitely true. He was up and active, telling dad jokes, speaking in a high energy voice and was tryna get us going and honestly it was working. This man actually worked miracles on us, while the jokes weren’t the best it was just the fact that we were able to talk and his energy was flowing into us just by being around him. Christopher was honestly one of the only things that got us through the morning and the airport.

On the drive over from the airport to our apartment we were able to actually see the volcano that is erupting. While we weren’t able to get too close, we were still able to see the smoke plume of toxic gas coming from the volcano. It was really interesting that it was just literally that close to the place we all flew into and that it was completely safe for us to  be there.

The volcanic plumes in the distance

After this we all got situated in our apartments and worked out details with roommates. The view from my apartment was absolutely fantastic. I’m in a 3 bedroom apartment where I thankfully have a single room. We have a balcony on the 4th floor and so you can see the Hallgrimskirkja church (extremely large lutheran church) (pictured at the end) over the heads of all the buildings and it’s really beautiful.

Everyone in the apartments after the drive, trying to stay awake while waiting for them to let us in.

We were given some free time in which we went to the grocery store ( of which I’ll probably talk more about next week) and just explored the city. In the end it was a lot of walking which I am going to be doing again tomorrow. To cap the day off and bring an end to probably hte most busy and tiring 24 hours of my life, we went to a really fancy restaurant called Loa. We had a magnificent 3 course meal. I had lamb soup, lamb shank, and (not lamb) chocolate cake. Iceland is known for its lamb and fish, and this was some really good and tender lamb. Honestly though, the chocolate cake was what really sold me on the meal, it was absolutely delicious and exactly the right amount of chocolate. 

This lamb shank was glazed in a sauce, cooked on top of mashed potatoes and roasted vegetables. 

I have had a really busy day (i’ve been up all day and yesterday) so I am going to call it a night and send this off and report more of my journey later. Stay tuned and have a wonderful night.

The view from my window at 12:30 am, the sun never sets on Iceland, much like the British. The Hallgrimskirkja church is the tall tower that is pointing out of the skyline.

-Alex Shamoun

Robotics

Engineering in Reykjavik

[hidelias]

No tears left to cry | Klaus's young years #4

This is the 4th one-shot about Klaus and Rin's young years >>> AO3 - Wattpad

In this one-shot, I address Klaus's coping mechanisms, particularly in rehab. TW: References to drug use - Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - Sexuality (non-explicit) - Illness of a loved one.

Summary: Rin is a 20-year-old punk girl born with a strange power that she uses for illegal work: she can teleport, make herself invisible or intangible. Over several nights in police custody, just over a year ago, she met a strange cellmate named Klaus… also endowed with an extremely invasive power: that of communicating with the dead. That day, she walks through the doors of the Lakeshore Hills rehab facility to pick him up after his 30 days.

Excerpt:

"How did you handle the situation this time?"

I was well aware that his seemingly radiant attitude of the moment was possibly in no way representative of the way he had lived his 'stay'. At the half-way appointment and diagnosis, he'd literally been a rumpled old rag. He wouldn't talk about himself. But I knew that - if I asked - he'd share it with me. He shook his head, looking down at his Twinkies, his smile just fading.

"I was allowed to keep my music…"

His headphones were around his neck, and for - all his subsequent rehabs - this remained an absolute constant. Music helped him isolate himself from his power. The one on his walkman, the one at concerts, even the one I sometimes hummed. It wasn't a miracle cure, of course not. But it at least kept him in touch with reality and gave him a kind of endorphin rush capable of briefly damming up the spirits. And similarly, he added:

"…and I always had the option of banging one of those junkies".

It took me a long time to realize that Klaus's power was not only linked to death, but also to life. That this part of him would always be prominent, and that what may seem to the outsiders to be perverse frivolity was in fact as much a part of who he was as being a ghost magnet. One seemed to be able to counterbalance the other, for a while anyway, as if life's impulses could transiently take over: when he was having sex with anyone and for a while afterwards, the effect wasn't that different from a shot of ketamine.

You know how he is. He sought this effect, having undoubtedly rooted one of the many facets of his pansexuality. I always used to say that the 'P' in 'pan' stood - as far as he was concerned - for 'Pleasure', the A for 'Attraction' and the N for 'Necessity'. Unfortunately, we could have continued the list and added that the next S was all too often for 'Sustenance", when he was negotiating a place to sleep or funding for his dope. The final letter L for 'Love' - unfortunately for him - didn't enter the equation until years later, in its romantic meaning anyway. And that story didn't end well.

[thepropertylovers]

The Wreck

“Life changes fast. Life changes in the instant. The ordinary instant.”

PJ called me yesterday to tell me he was on his way home from the farm. It was close to 3 pm, around 2:50, and he was trying to make it home before our house tour that we filmed back in February premiered on HGTV’s YouTube channel. I answered the phone jokingly complaining about the pile of clean clothes he threw in the corner of our room that I was now folding, and he was telling me how the drywall contractors that were supposed to start working on Holiday House didn’t, in fact, start that day. Normal Wednesday stuff.

As we were talking, my sister beeped in, so I told him I had to go, and I answered her call. We talked for about five minutes before a number I didn’t recognize beeped in. I was invested in what we were talking about, so I made a mental note to call them back when we hung up. A second later, that number called back and again, I didn’t answer. Then, Lori, PJ’s mom called me. I told my sister I would call her back because I had to take Lori’s call, so we hung up. When I answered, his mom was frantic.

She told me PJ had been in an accident on his way back from the farm, that he was fine, but he truck was totaled. For a split second I thought she must have gotten it wrong because I had just talked to him and he was almost home. Nothing could have happened that fast. Life changes in the instant.

Our daughter and I were supposed to go to the farm with him yesterday, just as we’ve done all week, but I told him we couldn’t go because I had work to take care of at home, but that he should go real quick and come back so we could watch the premiere of our house tour before picking the boys up from school at 3:30.

When I got the call from his mom, I quickly called my mom to pick up the boys and Anna and I jumped in the car to rush to PJ. As we were pulling up to the spot where his phone was pinging, I saw a fire truck and seven or eight police cars, a wash in a sea of blue and red lights. This couldn’t all be for PJ, I thought. This had to be for another wreck, too. It was all too much. None of it was making sense.

When I pulled up to the scene, he was walking around with a cut on his head as police officers wrote things down on white pieces of paper and the debris from his truck was strewn all across the road. The shovel he used for mulch at the farm. The mat that protects the bed of his truck. His side mirrors. Broken glass.

It feels like some kind of miracle that he walked away from that with just a sore neck and a few scratches. The truck was morbidly contorted, but it took the biggest beating and protected him as much as it could.

PJ is a fixer. He fixes things when they’re broken. He fixed my belt when it snapped last week. He got our Land Cruiser unstuck when we ran over a stump last month. When something goes wrong, he’s always there to fix it. But who would fix him if he broke? How could anyone do as much as he does? Thoughts that went through my head about a million times yesterday.

But our guy is fine. He walked away from that crash and by the end of the day, he was home to kiss our kids good night. I fell asleep squeezing his hand and feeling so fortunate we got to spend another night together, the same way we have for the last 13 years. And this morning when I woke up early and turned over and saw him sleeping there, so soundly and so peacefully as if nothing happened, as if our entire world wasn’t almost destroyed yesterday, I knew he would be alright. We all would. And for that, I was grateful.

Life changes in the instant, the ordinary instant, but sometimes, if you’re the luckiest person alive, it decides to stay exactly the same.

[dailyaudiobible]

12/25/2022 DAB Transcript

Zechariah 8:1-23, Revelation 16:1-21, Psalm 144:1-15, Proverbs 30:29-31

Today is the 25th day of December, also known as Christmas day, welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is great to be here with you. We have taken this journey from the beginning of the year all the way to this day and this day marks the turn of human history. This day marks the arrival of the Savior of the world and there is nowhere that I'd rather be to celebrate this than here with you, around the Global Campfire Merry Christmas everybody.

Merry Christmas everybody. It is so wonderful to reach this point every year, in this most holy day and this most beautiful day of celebration and the fact that no matter where we are in the world, we can celebrate it together here. And I trust that wherever you are the peace of Christ descends upon you filling your heart with joy and filling the world with joy. And I'm glad even on this Christmas day we can gather together and move forward together and take the next step forward together in the Scriptures. So, let's dive in. We obviously are picking up where we left off, no matter what day it is or what holiday it is, and we have been moving our way this week, through the book of Zechariah. And we will continue to move our way through the book of Zechariah, today and tomorrow and all the way up until a couple of days before the end of the year. Today, Zechariah chapter 8.

Commentary:

Okay, so obviously it's hard to ignore and hard to miss that today is Christmas day and we are celebrating all over the world, the arrival of the Savior. And this is a passage of Scripture that I have read every Christmas day, well, this would be the 17th time in a row, 17th Christmas, reading these passages. And all of the while, I’ve read these passages and thought, man I wish we had a manger scene, like I wish we had the postcard Christmas reading but this is what comes up. And so often, I've thought, this is and all that encouraging for Christmas day, but I really enjoyed what we read in Zechariah today. Just hearing from the Lord and I quote from Zechariah, God speaking here, “I care passionately about Zion, I burn with passion for her. The Lord proclaims I have returned to Zion. I will settle in Jerusalem. Jerusalem will be called the city of truth, the mountain of the Lord of heavenly forces will be the holy mountain. Old men and old women will again dwell in the plazas of Jerusalem, the city will be full of boys and girls gathering in its plazas. Even though it may seem to be a miracle for the few remaining among his people in these days, should it seem to be a miracle for me, says the Lord of heavenly forces. I'm about to deliver my people from the land of the East and the West and I'll bring them back, so they will dwell in Jerusalem, they will be My people and I will be their God, in truth and in righteousness.” Just one more time where we get to see that God, no matter what happens, will not relent and surrender what He loves, His treasure, His people. And if Christmas day doesn't tell us anything else, it has to tell us that, the lengths He's been willing to go to. Not only to get our attention, but to capture our hearts because He loves us so much. And yet, with all of that I end up generally speaking, pretty much every year at some point during Christmas day listless. There's like nothing that makes it happen, it just kind of comes blowing in, it is like all of the joy, all of the celebration, all of the gifts, all of the smiles, all of the laughter, all of the joy of the kids. Like a whole month of preparation for the day and maybe that's part of it, all of this preparation and then it comes and goes and then you wake up and it's over and it came and went so fast. I think that's…that's part of it, but then there's like the reading from…from Revelation today, wrath and judgment in bolts being poured out on the earth, really awful things and it just doesn't feel like Christmas. And it took many, many years where I just really trying to reconcile the baby Jesus. And then this…this Jesus of judgment in the book of Revelation. Until one year, it just really hit me, this is the same Jesus and how does that work when Jesus came to earth, helpless, but He didn't grow up and stay helpless. He grew up and rescued the world in udder humility. And then we read in Revelation about an all grown up Jesus who is the all-powerful One, who has come back to earth to eradicate evil like, to destroy the things that are destroying human beings, to eradicate from the world the things that are destroying and consuming His people. And so, over the years I've read through the book of Revelation many times and read through this passage on Christmas day, many times. And I’ve begun to realize, this is what He was coming to do. Whether as a little baby or as the resurrected Christ. He’s not mad at people, He's very mad about the things that destroy people. And very mad about people being willing to participate in things that will not only destroy them but everyone around them. And we hate death. I hate death. I have been touched by it. I hate it, on a day like today. I miss my mom and dad enough to start crying right now just talking about it. I hate that death has separated us. But I love that they are hidden away with Christ in God. I love it that they are with Jesus on this Christmas day, and I love it that His coming, His arrival for us is hope that no goodbye is forever. And what we see happening in Revelation is the destruction of the destroyer, the destruction of the whole system that is kept mankind in bondage, telling us that in the end He will and reign for ever and ever and ever. I want that, I want to see that, I want to be there. I want to see the judgment on death. That death has no more sting, that grave has no more victory, that things that destroy us no longer exist and are no longer categories. And it seems to me as we read the Scriptures, we can love the baby Jesus, but if we want the ultimate victory, we need the warrior risen Christ, who will not put up with evil another minute. And so, we find ourselves in the in between. And I think that is what blows in upon me during Christmas week, during Christmas day. Some people call it the blues, the Christmas blues. That sort of tinge of, I guess almost depression, the blues. I’ve learned that really at its core that feeling at least for me is longing. No matter how we prepare, no matter how much we work, no matter how much joy that we can conjure on Christmas day, we still know that it's not perfect and no matter how close to perfection we can get, it comes and goes so quickly. And then we got to think about going back to regular life. And there’s longing in that, we want to stay in this place of rejoicing and goodwill toward men and hope. But the work is not yet complete. Time is not full. So, we are here in the chaos of this world as witnesses, or as lights in the darkness, and we endure along with God in His patience, in His love for everyone, that all might know. And we’re invited to collaborate in being a light or a city on a hill or the salt of the earth, we’re not just here helplessly hoping to hide out and wait. We have a very visible role to play in drawing people to Lord. So, I expect that this longing that some of us may feel, is not unlike the longing of those who were waiting for the arrival of the Savior in the first place, wondering when things are going to change, wondering when there will be hope again, wondering when God will come with his mighty power and restore things. And then almost as if in secret, He came and did just that. And we are longing for His return when everything will be back together again. And so, if you end up feeling like that and I know like, I’m talking to brothers and sisters around the Global Campfire, around the world. And so, for some of you there is nobody else, here spending Christmas day by yourself and us being able to spend time together as a community. This is a bright spot in that day, but maybe you're lonely or maybe there are missing people at the table this year that were there last year or maybe there were relationships that you had last year that you don't have now, and things look quite different. Or maybe there are new additions around the table this year that are joyful and full of celebration. We’ve got a couple a little baby granddaughters who are just walking and running around and that is, that is about, that is about as close to pure joy as I can get to right now. But regardless of the scenario, if you find a point in your heart where you’re like my feelings do not match the festivities of what is going on. This is a very wonderful celebration, and I am feeling a little off from that feeling. Look inside your heart. We were made for things to be right, and we know they are not right, and we long for them to be put back together and we hope in the Savior for that to happen. And although it is happening. It has not reached its completion. But the further that we walk with Jesus, the more we can see the contrast between His hope for humanity and what we've made of this place. We long for restoration. And I have realized that is part of Christmas. The celebration isn't just because He came, the celebration is that He came and changed everything, and He is coming again. So, if you feel little off at some point today, rest in that, this is the soul crying out to be made whole and the awareness that we cannot make anything perfect on our own. So, may we hope in this child born and laid in a feeding trough from livestock, in the lowliest state in a cave. He’s not a little baby anymore. And if Revelation is indicating anything, it's indicating that He is not weak or timid. He is our Savior. He is within us. He will never leave or forsake us and one day He will return and make all things new again. Merry Christmas everybody, Merry Christmas. May the joy of the Lord be your strength, may the peace of Christ be with you always. Amen.

[rastronomicals]

7:07 PM EDT September 2, 2024:

Robin Trower and Jack Bruce - "Fall In Love" From the album Truce (January 1982)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

Truce reminds me that every great album is an unrepeatable miracle, and if that's so, and it seems to be, then shit, I can't even explain the late 60's Stones, or Led Zeppelin.

I mean, if BLT, Trower & Bruce's previous effort, made just a year before Truce, is a great album--and I heartily believe I can defend this thesis--then how come this one so very much fails to catch fire? Trower had made a couple of smooth-jazzy sounding records as the '70's waned, and they were in order, OK and better than OK, so we know that talent will out with this guy, even if he's swapping genres. And come on, it's Jack Bruce singing and playing bass. It is in fact mystifying. They were kind of, I think, going for some kind of funk/R & B vibe, and that could have worked. Trower's group before Procol was The Paramounts, and R & B is what they did. And of course, Bruce was in the Graham Bond Organisation, which if you happen to be British, there is no finer fucking pedigree for an R & B guy.

But what drags it down is 1) songwriting, which I guess is always a crapshoot and 2) some early '80's-typical production mistakes that wimpify the sound, gated drums in one instance and girly BG vocals in another. And Trower never really cuts loose. Even on In City Dreams he went off more.

Really, the only decent song is the first one.

It comes up elsewhere with music in my Foobar lists that I don't think is that great. Big Generator or Weather Report or that ICP thing with Sonic Youth. If I don't like it, why do I even keep it around? Why keep it in a place where it will be even played? And that's a damn good question, but I think that bad tunes from good artists kind of make me appreciate the good stuff that much more. Having just listened to Truce all the way through again for the first time in 30 years, I don't want to ever do it again, but a crappy song here and there from a good artist is sort of a mnemonic for me, keeps me from getting out of whack with admiration and awe. 'This is how it can go bad.' And except for "Gonna Shut You Down," Truce will serve that function moving forward.

[jodilin65]

TUESDAY, AUGUST 30, 1994 Boy, I can’t believe how many entries start off with “I’m in a great mood” since I’ve been here, but it’s true. One of the reasons I’m in a great mood now is cuz I got my period. The other’s cuz I’m only on Phase 2, but yet it’s a miracle already. I’m nowhere near as tight or as wheezy as I am in the mornings or at the end of my day.

Yesterday I rearranged all the photo albums. It took a few hours, but it was fun and well worth it.

Yesterday my back sure was killing me, my boobs were killing me and I had a ton of water retaining in me.

Yesterday I got an 11-page letter from Bob, but none from my mom yet.

Last night I checked Andy’s VM, he had 57 messages. I was asleep when he came in to get his tapes, so I know he made it in OK last night. I haven’t talked to him yet, though.

Still no calls from Fran. Great, huh? I don’t know if it’s cuz he’s lost his phone, or what, but I certainly don’t miss putting up with him.

Tom’s working on installing new stuff on the computer and he’s having fun with it. Later we’ll do the thank-you cards and work on the new cooler.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 28, 1994 Boy, have I got my work cut out for me! I still haven’t gotten my mom’s letter yet, but I began a letter to my parents a little while ago.

Tomorrow I’ll have been here one whole year!!!!

Andy’s got 47 messages on his VM and he’s going to have more later.

Tom downloaded some new fonts from America online before he went to work. He told me to go through them and write down the ones I didn’t like. There were only two I didn’t really like that were samples and some of them looked the same but had different names. I really like Old English and St. Frances.

Tom’s going to show me how to make word search puzzles soon. Supposedly it’s really easy. All you do is size it, tell it what words you want to seek out, and it’ll scramble it into a word search puzzle.

The C drive crashed, so Tom had to transfer what was on there to another drive. This is why I’m glad my journals are on the B drive, as the stuff is not stored on a main drive. It goes on a floppy disk.

Shall I do another book of letters? I’m thinking about it and if I do, I’ll use 79. Got a letter from Kim yesterday, thanking me for all those Bob letters. She said she read them all in just two sittings. Wow. I thought it’d take her 20 sittings.

Tom got a book on how to make your own books, pamphlets, boxes, etc.

Yesterday he worked a lot on the cooler, making major progress with it, and I helped.

Yesterday we also went out and I got two bras. Haven’t got new underwear yet.

I got a triad optical illusion book to color. It’s a lot like the one Kim gave me in Deerfield that I’ve been looking all over for.

Also got 3 new really nice journals. Now I have a total of 81!

Sex with Tom and I have been so much better. In fact, we broke another record. He came this morning! I’m sure he’d never lie about it, but it was a mild one where nothing really came out. He said it felt really good like he was cumming, then it instantly got soft. Women sometimes have very light orgasms, so it’s possible for a guy too, I’d guess.

I wrote up the messages for the thank-you cards for Margaret, Geneva, Char and Jim and Goldie and Al.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 1994 Got another shocker in the mail today. A wedding card and check for $50 from Goldie and Al. It makes me wonder who else will shock me.

It’s kind of sad to know, though, that if we had a kid, no one from my side would send even a card. Oh well, as long as Tom and I are happy. That’s what really matters. Tom said that if we did have a kid, I’d have nothing to worry about. Yeah maybe, cuz Tom’s right about most things and my parents have been known to shock me in the past. They’ve surprised me over the last few years.

As of yet, I don’t expect to hear from any aunts, uncles or cousins, but that’s their choice.

Our new color-splash address labels came. They’re really nice and there are 5 different colors - pink, blue, green, peach and yellow. I put some in journals.

Later…

Tom got up at 5:30 and we made pork chops and French fries. Then he ate me out and worked on the computer before showering and going to work.

I lay out for nearly an hour and I did get a little color. It’s pretty hot out there, but the strangest thing about it was, was that I didn’t see one bee. Fine with me, though.

I just checked and Andy’s got 35 new messages and 4 saved ones. A co-worker of his has also left several messages. I never really knew just how many minutes you could use up on VM, but I know it’s a hell of a lot more than on a regular answering machine.

I really hope to get my mother’s letter today, but in the meantime, I sent Kim and Bob’s. Weekends are when I’m the busiest, so I may mail their letters every Friday, instead of every Monday. When I’d send them on Mondays, they’d usually get them on Thursdays. If I sent it on a Friday, they’ll probably get it on Tuesday. Tom says maybe even Monday. It’s weird how it only takes 2 days for me to get mail from MA or CT, but if I send mail there, it usually takes 4 days. It’s 4 days back and forth to FL seemingly, too.

I did some singing a little while ago. It started off a little strained, then not too bad at all.

It’s been really quiet around here lately. I love it. May God please keep it that way!

Well, I’ve really been into word search puzzles lately, so I think I’ll go do that and I’ll write more later.

Later…

Bummer! No letter from my mom. I got all junk mail today.

Tammy got her figurine in one piece. Thank God. I hope my parents are as lucky and get theirs in one piece, too.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 1994 Last Tuesday Tom trimmed my hair! Yup, he sure did, believe it or not, and he did a great job. He trimmed off about an inch. Now I can really be on my way to healthy hair by having him trim it regularly. No more worrying about some hairdresser suddenly going scissor-happy and taking off a foot or more.

Yesterday I called and told Ma all about CD ROM which we finally got, but I’ll get to that later. She asked if we’d gotten anything for our wedding from anyone she knows. She also commented on the thank you card that we sent them saying that that’d be nice to send to anyone that sends us anything.

At first I thought that it was kind of strange of her to bring that up since the wedding was almost 3 months ago. Then, the mail came and then I knew why she was bringing it up. Can you believe we got a card and check for $50 from Charlotte and Jim R?! This sure caught me off guard and came as a huge surprise, but at the time, it’s a bummer to know no one would send us shit if we were expecting a kid. Ma’s bad-mouthed the shit out of me to so many people for so long, that in their eyes, I could never be fit to be mother material.

I typed them a quick letter on all that’s been going on since I came here and when Tom gets up I’ll see if he can print out a thank you card with our wedding pictures on it. I don’t want to wait on this, though, so if I have to, I’ll just send the letter.

He’s been so busy. He hasn’t yet done up thank you cards for his mom’s two sisters, the 3-D postcards for Dave and Evie, Lisa’s letter, or my letter.

Anyway, Tom got up at 5 AM yesterday to show me CD ROM. It’s amazing! I mean, it is just so cool and it’s a tangible thing that shows me that my dream may still be achievable after all. It’ll take time and work, but it’s like having a quality home recording studio. It has a karaoke thing in it and you can record on different tracks just like they do in studios and on and on. It does lots of different things. We can’t make CDs yet cuz what we’d need to do it with costs a couple of grand. However, the prices will come down, but for now, we can go through the steps that come before the actual making of a CD.

I never thought in my wildest dreams that I could share my dream with the one I love, while we combine both our goals and dreams. While he’s promoting my singing, he can promote his programming and other things he does. I picked out some music to start with and he’s putting it into the computer without having to play it. Then somehow I’ll sing to the music and he’ll mix and arrange it to however it sounds best.

Yesterday for the first time in what seems and feels like ages, we had great sex. And I mean, great sex. We always say we’ll keep up on it regularly, but never do cuz of life’s unexpected happenings, but I hope that’ll change. I sure got my cake and ate it too, as he went down there and ate me out, as well as went in there. There was no pain or pressure at all. Especially when we do it on the living room couch. That’s a lot easier than the bed.

Ma said she mailed the letter she wrote to me, so I hope I get that today. I wonder what she has to say. I guess the usual everyday stuff.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 23, 1994 I sure thought I was going to puke a while ago! My heart was booming too, but after laying down I felt better.

Again I didn’t sleep too long. Maybe 5 for hours. I figure, though, my body wouldn’t have woken up if it were that tired. The bad thing about it is, is that it shoots my whole day with Tom. I’ve been up since 8 PM.

Yesterday when I woke up, I had gone the longest I’d ever gone without my meds. I was 6 hours overdue on it. I woke up very wheezy and was scared, even though I knew I wasn’t in any real trouble. I thought it would take a couple of hours, though, to get it under control, so I asked Tom to please leave as I didn’t want him to have to deal with it too. He said he’d rather stay to take care of me, closed his eyes, put his hands on my chest and it stopped. It just suddenly stopped. It was amazing.

Later…

Yuck! Gross! I threw up a little while ago. Luckily it wasn’t that bad. Tom heard me and came out nauseous, too. He didn’t throw up, though, which was nice. His is due to too much acid in his stomach and we think I fried the wrong foods. I fried fish sticks from a TV dinner and he suggested that it could be processed differently and not for fryers. Plus, there were no frying instructions on the box for frying.

Hang on while I go brush my teeth.

Later…

OK, that’s much better. Tom went back to bed. I feel much better and I can breathe OK and I’m not too tired.

Tom said not to worry about us losing time together cuz it’ll all work out. Well, his encouragement does help.

I think I’ve been going about the Phase-Out wrong. I’m supposed to draw on the cigarette before the holes and not cover them up with my lips. This way the hot air inside the cig mixes with the cooler air outside the cig to create condensation to trap the tar, nicotine, and carbon monoxide before they can get into my lungs.

I noticed stretch marks on the tops and sides of my breasts and asked Tom why it was so when I’ve never lost 40-50 pounds of “boob weight.” He said it’s cuz I never wear a bra, but not to worry about it. Well, I’m not worried, but I thought about it. I’m wearing a bra now, as support for any part of the body’s good just like when I wear the tummy/back supporter. It also helps relieve the soreness I get before that time of the month. I need new panties, so maybe sometime I can get matching bra/panty sets.

MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 1994 I taped the Barbara Streisand concert for my parents. I also typed a letter for Bob, so I’ve got letters going out to him, Kim, Lisa and Brian. I’m too tired to write anymore right now, but I will in an hour or so.

Later…

I just worked out a little while ago. The next time I work out two days from now, I’ll be adding the fourth and final weight. It’s pretty heavy now.

I spoke to Tammy, too.

When I showed Tom the thing I typed up which I copied in, he said he needs to work on communicating himself better to me. When I asked him if he was mad about it, he said no cuz he’d never be mad at me for expressing my feelings. Other than that, things are fine. He was in a good mood last night and this morning. I was, too. He grabbed my butt and squeezed it this morning and said he hopes we can have sex soon. Me too. I just get frustrated at times cuz of what I wrote before. I also want it practically all the time. I never thought I’d be like that and I wish at times that I didn’t have such an appetite.

He said he could feel my hipbone, unlike ever before. That’s cool, but I still wish my thighs and belly would go down. I still have some craters in the backs of my thighs too, and I weigh 102.

I cleaned Tom’s ears with peroxide and alcohol. The concoction Brenda taught me.

Piggles and I went for a swim earlier while Tom was in the shower.

Tom said that within a couple of days, he’s going to type up a response to all I typed up. He said don’t worry, though, it was all good stuff and he’s already thought about what he’s going to say. That’s cool and I’ll copy it in here.

I killed a huge daddy-long leg that was in my room by my speaker. I sang. I changed the sheets. I set the VCR up to record Andy’s shows, and that’s about all for now.

I hope I get the letter Ma said she did for me, but I doubt I’ll get it until later this week.

Where the fuck is our wedding pictures?! Tomorrow Tom and I will have to call them in Vegas and see where the hell they are.

Tomorrow we’re going to the post office to mail my parent’s tape of Barbara. Also, the figurines for my parent’s anniversary and Tammy’s b-day.

I may get my hair trimmed, too. It really needs it.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 21, 1994 Yesterday I was up for nearly 20 hours and when I fell asleep it was only for 5½ hours, so I’m pretty beat.

I got a letter from Lisa which I copied into 35. It’s so sweet, and she sent Tom one, too. I’ve written her back and Tom says he’s going to write her back.

Later…

It is now only 12:33 AM, but I will be copying this into my journal as is, after Tom reads what I’m going to type here. Why am I doing this? Well, I think it’s something that can help me and Tom. This way Tom can read what I write about my feelings so he won’t have to say to himself, “Now how did she word that?” or “What did she say she thinks or feels about this or that?” Sometimes it’s easier to keep track of written words, rather than spoken words. It’s kind of like what a grocery list does. You have a damn good idea of what you need, but a list allows you to always see it, so you’ll be sure to remember and better understand it. I won’t do this regularly. Only when there are things going on that are confusing.

Do I expect Tom to do this, too? No. Only if he wants to cuz I don’t want him to ever do something he may not want to do. Also, I understand that he has little time to do this and that writing and typing are more my things than his.

OK, there are 3 issues that have me somewhat or very confused as far as what Tom and I want and agree on. Other than that, I am very happy with my life and know I’m the luckiest son of a bitch alive and that Tom’s one in millions. The 3 topics I will write about are sex, having a kid, and company.

When I discuss all these topics I’ll be saying how I feel about them. Both the ups and downs on them, etc. I’m also going to say what I think Tom feels, but I fully understand that I could be wrong. Therefore, after he reads this, I hope he’ll correct me with the things that are wrong, so I’ll learn more about him and understand him better.

Sex…

I have mixed emotions about this, just like the other two subjects. I want to do it almost every day, yet I also want to never do it again. Right now I feel like the only thing that’s good about it is when he licks me. The thing I feel that greatly improved is his getting in there. It’s getting easier and easier and much less painful. But how do I think I make him feel? Like shit, if not close. It’s been about a year now and he still can’t cum. Does this make me feel confident and normal? No. What’s confusing me about it? Well, he says he doesn’t want to hit on me for sex. I feel the same way cuz I don’t want to make him think that we can only have sex when I want it. He says he wants to be spontaneous, but he also says stuff like, we’ll do it tomorrow or at such and such a time. He says when he lays down with me it could very well be a signal. But how do I know that? How do I know that he doesn’t just want to talk? If not, who makes the first move? Should I ever make a move when I’m almost positive he’s too tired, or should I wait and see if he does? If one of us wants to do one thing and the other wants to do another, should we both do what we want? Or should only one of us? And if only one of us, then who? When’s the right time during sex to suggest that I do certain things to him or that he do certain things to me? When should he just do whatever and when should I just do whatever without saying anything about it? If he goes to do something to me that I don’t feel like doing, should I tell him not to do it, or should I let him do it if it makes him happy? Should I ask him, for example, if when I’m doing him by hand if it’s too light or too hard? Or should I just let him let me know? Another thing is that I feel that he thinks that I think sex should only please me and that’s far from true, otherwise I wouldn’t care that he hasn’t cum and want to know what he likes. And doesn’t like, for that matter. Another thing, for example, is that he’s told me he couldn't care less about my hair, meaning he doesn’t care if it’s long, short, braided, etc. but is there something else he may care about that may arouse him? Anything, no matter how common or unique, like red lipstick, a blue G-string, or a black shirt? Does this make me wish Tom could magically turn into a woman when we go to have sex? Not at all, cuz sex is sex, regardless of what gender you do it with and it’s complicated with anyone. Plus, sex is more about whom you do it with, not what you do it with. That’s at least how I see it.

Well, that’s all my questions and feelings about that.

Having a kid…

This one’s the most complicated of all, cuz there’s so much more to it. Sometimes I think Tom wants a kid, sometimes I think he doesn’t. I think that’s normal, though, cuz I feel the same way. When I feel sick or tired, I’m glad I don’t have one. Or when Tom’s too busy working his ass off with little free time at all for even us. He said he wasn’t glad he didn’t have a kid and said he was concerned about what my reaction would be if we found out I was pregnant, but then just the other day, he mentioned using rubbers cuz he didn’t want one now or in 9 months. I can see him not wanting one now, but I thought he doesn’t usually get in the habit of trying to predict what he’d want in 9 months from now. So do I not avoid fate and the possibility of getting pregnant? Or do we rubber it up? I don’t know why Tom would or would not want a kid, but here are the pros and cons I came up with after thinking about it:

Cons:

Fear of miscarriage and the pregnancy killing me.

Fear of the pain and dying in labor or delivery.

Fear of losing Tom cuz I’d be a bitch carrying it and fear of losing him during having it and after cuz of the stress of it, lack of sleep and me being so fat.

Fear of the kid coming in between us and making us fight more.

Fear of us not having any time together.

Fear of postpartum blues and being a sexual turn-off.

Fear of lack of sleep.

Fear of losing our lives and not being able to afford it.

I don’t know anything about raising or caring for kids.

Pros:

A life and a responsibility to take care of and teach and watch grow with Tom and when I’m home alone bored.

Despite the fears I’d have, the curiosity of having a life growing inside me and having it.

A great learning experience for me.

The sense of knowing there’s someone I can take care of, instead of someone always taking care of me.

Instead of listening to and doing for other people’s kids, I could listen to and do stuff for my own.

Playing with it and learning different things as far as caring for it step by step with each year and its different ages.

Hoping and praying that I’d be the best mom I could be and breaking people’s beliefs that I’d be just like my mom (though I don’t worry what others think that much).

A human thing created with the one I love, rather than an object that’s ours like the computer or the TV.

Being there for it when it’s sick, sad, or makes a major accomplishment in life, be it personal or something it’s learned.

That concludes that one, but I still feel I’m sterile only cuz it’s hard to believe otherwise. It’s like with me being in Arizona. I never ever believed that could happen and it still blows my mind.

Company…

This is the least confusing one. We’ve recently done our share of talking about this, but there are still a few more baffling things about it.

First of all, here’s the #1 important thing I can say for both of us. I know Tom would never play daddy and tell me I can’t go somewhere, or do something or see someone. I love him for that. My thing is that I’d never leave without at least a day’s notice or several hours or if there was something going on where my attention was demanded here at home. The only time I’d suddenly leave would be if Tom was asleep or working and I know I could be back in time for him to be around (or very close enough). Or for example, if Andy or Larry called while Tom was sitting right there and they asked if I wanted to go somewhere and Tom said, “Sure. No problem. There’s nothing going on right now that can’t wait or immediately needs your attention.”

Tom’s made it sound like I’ve had lots of company since we’ve been married, but I counted since we’ve been together. Before there was that piece of paper, there was us, and we’ve been together for about a year. Here’s how I see my visitor track record. I won’t count Andy cuz he’s local and there’s never been a problem with Andy that I’ve known of. He’s never taken our time or taken me away from something important.

Kim, Phil and Alex were here for 3 days and Larry was here twice. Out of 1 year, I’ve been around here at the house 98% of the time as far as I see it. I asked Tom if he was jealous and he said no. Now, I’m sure Tom would come out and say it if he was, but I still get the feeling that he might be cuz of certain comments he makes, like, “Nobody takes me places.” Here’s an example. I’ll make up to further explain why I thought he was jealous. Let’s make pretend Andy’s here and he’s at work and he knows Andy’s here. Tom feels left out and then in a way takes that “left out” feeling out on me. Well, I hope he knows that there are times when I and everyone feels left out, but that doesn’t stop him from being my #1. Of course, my first choice is to go places with him, but I think everyone should have a right to their friends and family occasionally too, and I think he knows how I feel about that. He sees his family way more than I do and they all live here, for the most part, so I think he understands how I feel.

There were two other shocking things he said, that in my mind are far from true. He said I’ve got lots of friends and this whole other life that he’s not a part of. No way. I’ve got only Andy as a friend and I have no life at all other than my hobbies and chores here at home. There have been countless times when I’ve been home alone bored, wishing Tom were here, wanting to talk, wanting sex, wanting us to be in business, wanting to be a singer, wanting a kid, etc. He’s more a part of my life than anyone’s ever been. Even more so than Andy.

The other thing was that he said he was afraid he couldn’t count on me to help with the business if Kim stopped in, for example. You’re talking once every year or two, though, for 1-3 days. People put their regular life on hold much more frequently than that without falling too far behind in housework, their loved ones, etc. My parents have lots of company and don’t always travel together and they’re happy, so it can be worked out. Also, my brother, I guess I’ll only see 1-3 times a year.

I will use my best judgment possible when it comes to someone wanting to come here or take me somewhere, but all I can say is that I’d never put them over Tom. It’s just like when Tom goes away to work for 12 hours for 4 days out of the week. I still know that that doesn’t mean he puts his job over me.

To conclude all I’ve written, well, I know the easiest thing to do would be to never have sex, never have a kid, and never have company. Do I really want to do that, though? No. I believe in “no pain, no gain.” I’d really like to take the cons that go with the pros of all 3 of these things and try to get rid of all the cons I could in the meantime about each one. I don’t want to keep being a procrastinator or chickening out, despite how easy that is to do.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 1994 Today I begin Phase 2.

I got up late today, and as of now, Andy should be in Springfield. The poor guy must be exhausted after flying and riding in a car for a total of 9 hours.

I taped his shows today and I’ll be doing that all next week, as well as Monday the 29th. When I went to check to see that his shows weren’t cut short at the end or the beginning, which they weren’t, boy did I get a hell of a view for the first second of the tape! Like I said, he’s renting a camcorder. Last night he told me he filmed himself beating off so he could see what it looked like from someone else’s point of view. Then he said he erased it but I’ve learned a lot lately about videotaping. For example, if I taped a movie, rewound it back to the beginning, taped another movie over it, you’d no doubt see a second or two of what was originally on the tape. He’s still going to film in here when he returns, by the way.

I’m going to go watch TV, then I’ve got some other stuff to write about.

Later…

I watched Tales from the Crypt and I’m now ready to write more. Tom and I are going to work on the sides of Piggy’s cage tomorrow so that the sawdust can’t keep getting out. Actually, we may work on it later on this morning.

I began to copy some of the pictures of animals and cartoon characters he downloaded. I’ve done about 7 of them so far and so far my luck’s been good. They’re coming out nicely.

My mother called a few hours ago to tell me that yes, she would like me to tape the Barbara Streisand concert that’s to be on HBO for two hours this Sunday. I had mentioned it to them before and asked if they wanted it, but she didn’t. Guess she changed her mind.

She also said that she had just got done writing a letter to me. Oh my God! With it being a once-in-a-lifetime thing for her, I figured I’d never get a letter from either of them until next year. That’s cool, though, and I look forward to it.

I typed letters to Kim and Brian and speaking of changing minds, well, Kim’s in for a hell of a surprise, but let me go have a cig first.

Later…

I had my smoke and did a few more drawings.

As you know, I decided to keep all of Bob’s letters in a notebook. Well, I’m filling up the rest of #35 and was so bored when I began copying what I’ve got. I figured - why keep so many copied letters? So, today I mailed out a manila envelope stuffed with letters. Kim will be really busy with that. Because she’s never home, it’ll probably take her months to go through them all.

So, what shall I do now? I think I’ll go do some editing. I definitely need some coffee first to go with the event. Editing’s so boring for the most part.

Later…

I just did a little editing and had some coffee. Now I’m going to go look back and see if I can find the date of when I had my last asthma attack, so I can be psyched when it’s been 1 whole year!

Later…

I found the date of my last attack where I had to call 911. It was November 16th. I’ve gotta make it to the 1-year marker. Please, God, let me?!

Later…

I wish Tom would get up now. I’m bored and although there’s stuff I could do, I really don’t feel up to doing it now. Maybe I’ll go draw some more. Sure, why not?

I’ve now got about 15 drawings done. Some look really good and others are just so-so. Now I’m a bit drained, so I’m going to lie down till Tom gets up.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 19, 1994 Boy, did I sleep late. I was up for a very long time too. I fell asleep at almost 9 AM and slept 10 solid hours until 7 PM. Guess I was exhausted cuz I very seldom ever sleep that long.

Tom and I chatted and fooled around. He also downloaded some pictures which I’m going to try to copy for kids’ computer coloring books.

Got my new SS card today as well as my license. This picture looks a bit better.

I sure got mail from Bob today. Like 12 pages’ worth. I also got a 2-page letter from Brian. Last night I copied some into #35. I’ll probably do more later.

Tom got a 1-month sample time/day planner in the mail today for the month of September. The thing a busy executive would use. It’s pretty neat, though, and we may get it for a whole year.

Tom went to bed at 10:00, then an hour later Andy came over. He brought chocolate-covered nuts from Joan and 7 tapes for me to tape his soaps. He leaves tomorrow at 2:30.

I’m doing laundry and hanging stuff out on the line. It’s fun and I don’t mind. Plus it saves us a little bit of money by not using the dryer. It’s just something else to do.

I did my workout with the 3 weights.

I’m psyched for Phase 2 on Saturday.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 18, 1994 I did a little editing. On one of my completed convo tapes, I have a convo with me and Nervous and another with me, Nerv and Fran. Both are so incredibly boring. Nervous is no fun in these convos cuz he was unusually calm and friendly, so right now I’m erasing them. I just run it through on play and record. This way it’s less confusing if I erase something I don’t want.

I just took my meds and boy do I like these time-release capsules better. They seem to work better. My stomach feels better being able to take these with food.

I think I’ll go decorate more envelopes in which Bob’s letters will be mailed.

Later…

I decorated one more envelope with my colored pencils.

I’m also erasing a portion of the other side of the tape. I’ll end up erasing one whole side, plus half of the other side.

I just had an idea. Well, every now and then I get in the mood to write but don’t really have much to write about. Journal #35 is only half full, so maybe I’ll go copy in there some letters I haven’t copied. I was using it for phone numbers, but there’s still plenty of room in #53 for phone numbers.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 17, 1994 Yesterday was Tammy’s 37th b-day. I spoke with her and she was telling me about some of the things she got.

Today I went for a doctor’s appointment and I got 11 refills on my meds! That’s a year’s supply. They gave me the Theodur in capsule form, rather than in tablets and the good news about it is that I can eat with it.

On 9/7 I’ll be going to an ear specialist to ask questions about my ear.

Not too much else is going on. I’m recording a movie for Tom right now and now I think I’ll go listen to tunes, then make a pot of tea.

Later…

I did my workout routine and in a little while from now, I’ll take a bath. I could use some freshening up.

I was just listening to some edits while I colored up a few more pages in here. Perhaps I’ll do more editing later. It has been a while and I have some ideas to try out.

Tom mentioned something about getting up early to do laundry as well as computer work. Maybe I’ll be up when he gets up. If I am, I hope he’s in the mood for fun. We haven’t had any in nearly two weeks cuz we’ve both been so busy.

Andy left a message earlier about coming over today to hang out by the pool. I called back to let him know that sounds good, but I may sleep late tomorrow. I’ll call him when I get up. He’s now officially on his vacation.

Well, that’s all for now. Now I’m going to go finish my tea and take a bath. I’ll write more later.

Later…

I decided not to take a bath right now. I just stopped the VCR from recording and now I’m not sure what I’ll do.

Tammy had said something about mailing off a letter Lisa wrote to me. I hope I get that tomorrow as well as letters from Bob and Kim.

When the fuck is our wedding pictures going to get here? If they don’t come this week, I’m calling Vegas to give them a piece of my mind.

Later…

I just did two drawings. Both were women. One’s OK, but the other’s a nightmare. Now, I’m finally going to do some editing.

Tom will be home any time now, but in the meantime, I thought I’d write. I got up at 1 PM today. Andy and I talked earlier. He’s rented a camcorder and may come over later after Tom’s gone to bed to film. I’d really like to film the house and my wall drawings to send to Tammy and my parents.

Earlier I also did some typing on #51.

I took a much-needed shower, brushed out and straightened my hair.

I don’t really have anything else to say right now. Just that I’m bored out of my mind. I hope Tom will be in the mood to play around when he gets home, but we’ll see. He’s probably going to be too tired.

I made up some fried shrimp a while ago. It was so good, but I’m still hungry, so I’ll go make up something else.

Later…

I thought Andy said he was coming over tonight, but he meant tomorrow night. Friday he takes off.

Tom’s going to call in sick from work tomorrow so he can do more work on the cooler and also do some computer programming.

This Saturday I begin Phase 2 of the Phase-Out program. I will have two holes punched into the filter.

Tomorrow I add the third weight to the leg and bun firmer as part of my workout program. I’m disappointed to have to say that when I was at the doctor’s office I was weighed at 104. I took my measurements a little while ago and here’s what they are: thighs 20½, hips 33½, waist 25¾. That sucks and I’d really like to reduce these measurements by 2-3 inches.

I tried Tom’s weekly experiment earlier. He bought instant coffee with a box of different flavors you add to the coffee. You don’t need to put milk or sugar in it. Well, I didn’t anyway. It was a little bitter and not what I’m used to. There was French Vanilla, Mocha Almond, Irish Crème, and Amaretto. The last two taste like cough syrup, but I’ll check them out. In the meantime, Tom won’t be buying it again. I remember during 1986-1988 when I used to see Nervous almost every day, the two of us were really into cinnamon coffee, but it was brewed. Not instant.

Well, I think I’ll go do other things for now and probably return later to write more.

MONDAY, AUGUST 15, 1994 Tom just got up, and believe it or not, I was playing a little guitar. I’m getting really tired, though, so I expect to go to sleep soon.

Later…

Got up at 1:30 today. I quickly spoke to Tammy. I sent her a message on Prodigy and I also wrote up the last 7 postcards (3-D) to my parents, Bob, Kim, Tammy & Bill, Lisa, Becky and Sarah.

Tom came home early from work beat and has gone to bed. Now I need to go pee and I may go for another swim.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 14, 1994 Tomorrow’s workout day. I do it every other day and I’m up to 2 weights out of the 4 on the thighs. I’ll be at 3 in a few days.

On the 20th, it’ll be time for Phase 2. That means 2 tiny holes in the filter for 2 weeks.

Last night I was playing around with the 3-D postcards. It blurred into a multi-level, but I still couldn’t see the hidden image.

I took my colored pencils and decorated Bob’s envelopes with different colors. Last night I colored the outsides of my next book. Instead of gold-trimmed pages on a few of my journals, I now have one with lots of colors. My next journal has no lines in it and I may use calligraphy pens from time to time.

I tried sleeping a while ago but had no luck.

I asked Larry again, and he did say that Ma wanted to ride with him. Probably just her, though, as Dad will stay behind with the dogs. Really? They know a million people. Can’t they find someone to dog-sit for them?

I’m really bummed that Tom couldn’t meet Larry and Jenny. I sure hope they can meet the next time. However, the next time around, the kids could be in school and Larry could maybe be by himself.

Well, now it is time for a very big jump. We’re going all the way to journal 76 now!

Later…

Got up at 10:30 today. I told Tom all about seeing Larry and Jenny. He’s now taking a nap.

Other than that, there’s not much else to tell. I was just watching some TV and now I’m kind of bored. Guess I’ll go do some computer work now.

Later…

Tom just got up a little while ago and I just got out of the tub. It rained here today and rain always makes me feel yucky. I’m now finally starting to wake up now that the sun has set and I took a bath to freshen up.

I recorded a movie earlier and in about 15 minutes I’m going to record another.

What else can I say? Well, I’m in the mood to write, but I just can’t think of anything to write about.

Later…

Tom just ran out to get smokes and right now I’m kind of frustrated. I slept till 11:30 today and I really wanted to get up at 8 AM every day. I’ll just have to make myself, even if it means 4 hours of sleep for a while. Not much else is going on at this point. I think I’ll just watch TV for a while. Later on, I may do some more writing.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 13, 1994 We got a killer electric bill today of $425. Ugh! I told Tom to just switch over to the EC and that I’ll just have to get used to it and keep adjusting to this climate as I’m going to live here for the rest of my life.

I got up today at 11:30 and so far all I’ve done is take a shower and type Kim a letter.

My brother still hasn’t called yet, so his visit here is still up in the air. I’ll put my face on soon, anyhow.

Tom’s working on getting the other EC in. Although they say it’s only 100º, it’s 37% humid, so it feels like 110º. It’s deathly hot and humid in the house, so I’m really looking forward to the other EC being installed.

I just put the fan full blast by the foot of the bed. Now I feel much better.

Tom’s taking a shower right now, then I’ll go put my face on.

Later…

I’m kind of bored right now, just passing time and seeing if Larry calls.

Tom’s out of the shower and he’s now watching TV. When he’s indoors, he’s pretty much either at the TV or the computer.

The humidity in here just knocked down my journal chart. That’s OK, though, cuz after I finish this book I’ll have to update it.

Tom’s not in the greatest mood right now cuz he’s very overworked and we may have company. Tom’s not really any more into company than I am.

Sometime tomorrow I’ll type a letter to my parents. What shall I do right now? Oh, I don’t know. Just be bored and lazy, I guess.

Later…

I wish my brother would hurry the fuck up and call if he’s coming. I hate waiting. I feel like I’m in a doctor’s office.

Later…

I guess my brother isn’t coming, so I’m going to go for a swim.

Later…

I went for that swim I needed. Yup, I did and now I feel much better. More so cuz we switched back to the AC. The EC makes it too damn humid in August. It felt like someone took a wet sheet, heated it up to 200º, then wrapped it around me. This is the very type of weather, climate, and feeling I wanted to escape from.

Still no call from Larry, so who knows where the hell they are?

I started a shopping list and tomorrow Tom’s going to shoot on over to the grocery store after work. He’ll be going in at 5 AM for 5-6 hours.

Later…

Tom went to bed a short while ago.

It feels so much better in here now that the AC is back on.

I think I’ll go type up a letter to my parents now.

Later…

Guess who was here an hour ago? Yup, Larry and Jenny. I really stressed it upon him to call first and I’m bummed Tom couldn’t meet them. He said they were scouting the area when he recognized and remembered the way. They were only here for a little while, but it was so good to see them. Jenny’s only 2” shorter than me and boy is her hair long! It’s down to her lower butt. She looks a lot like Sandy. She’s skinny, but her face is very plain. Larry’s hair is now as long as Tom’s and he had it in a ponytail.

Tom and I may go to see his parents tomorrow.

I typed a 3-page letter to my parents. I had just finished printing it out when they came, so I quickly added on the back of their letter that they had just come.

I asked Larry if he still wanted Tom to write down directions and he said he’d remember. They’re now heading for Arkansas, then to Mom and Dad’s. I’ll eventually get to see Sandy and Larry.

Later…

I’m wide awake and probably will be for a while.

I forgot to check Prodigy for any mail I might have gotten. I’ll do that now, then I’ll go watch some TV.

I hope Lisa got her tapes by now and enjoys them.

I forgot to mention that in Larry’s truck were many boxes of whipped cream. Guess that’s just what he was delivering. They also had a very very small dog with them. It was so cute and I very fearlessly picked her up. Brandy’s her name. That seems to be a popular name for animals.

Later…

I just watched a little TV and went for another swim.

I haven’t checked Prodigy yet cuz I’m getting kind of tired, believe it or not. I know, though, that I’ll be up for several more hours.

A little while ago I had a sneezing fit. Tom said he thinks I may need antibiotics. I agree. I know what I need right now. A nice hot steaming cup of coffee. I haven’t had any at all today.

Later…

This visit went so much better, not that the first one with Larry alone was bad, but everyone was so relaxed. I can now really see what I’ve always figured. I’m his favorite sister. That makes me feel good, but sad for Tammy. If my brother was given two choices, one being to be paid to see Tammy, the other paying to see me, he’d pay to see me.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 12, 1994 Got two letters from Kim today and I also spoke to my parents. It’s their 43rd anniversary. I told them their present would soon be on its way. The figurines are done now. All I have to do is pack and ship them and pray they arrive there in one piece.

Larry called today. He was in Phoenix, but couldn’t find his way here. Jenny was with him. He said if they found their way here, I could’ve gone with them to CA and returned home tomorrow. Sounds cool but I wouldn’t want to just suddenly desert Tom. They’re going to try to stop by tomorrow in the late afternoon. That’d be even better, so Tom could meet them, too. I talked to Jenny for a few minutes, too. Larry said he may bring Mom out and that she wants to ride with him. When? I don’t know.

I finished my project in #71.

Later…

I’m still up, but not for long. I went for a swim a little while ago.

I got a 3½-page letter ready to go out to Bob on Monday. Over the weekend, I’ll type letters to Kim and my folks. I did a little typing on #51.

Spoke with Andy who’s psyched at the thought of having only 6 more days till he goes home. He had planned on stopping to see Tammy, but now he’s not sure if he’ll have the time to do so.

He really liked the 3-D postcard I sent him and he wants to get some, too. My dad said he’s still trying to figure his out.

I’ve got some color now, but I really wish I had the color that Tom and Andy have.

You know what I should do right now? While I’m still waiting to get even more tired than I am, I should write as many names as I can think of in case I ever do end up doing an autobiography. I still doubt I ever will, but I’ll try to go beyond those 48 names a few pages back. Even if I barely knew them, knew them long, or if they’re jerks, good people or both. I remember some people’s names and what they looked like but there are also so many people’s faces I see, but I can only remember their first or last names only.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 11, 1994 Well, today’s Nervous’s birthday. Andy asked if I was going to call him. What’s the point? Crystal will just hog the phone and not let us talk. With Crystal and the distance between us, it’ll never be like old times. He’s a closed chapter now.

Tomorrow’s my parent’s anniversary, so I’ll call there tomorrow. I finished their figurines as well as Tammy’s.

Tomorrow’s also asshole Fran’s birthday. I still can’t believe he hasn’t called, but tomorrow he may try thinking I’ll be all sweet and friendly to him just cuz it’s his b-day. He’ll have thought wrong, though, cuz I’ll hang up on him.

I called SS and someone was supposed to call me back, but never did. What else is new with them?

Tonight I’m recording 6 hours’ worth of TV for times I get bored or lazy.

Today Andy was over. We were out by the pool where I got more color.

I got no mail today, but we mailed out more of those 3-D postcards. I began two pages of Bob’s letter and by Monday I’ll finish that as well as do one for Kim and my parents. I’ll be back to write more later.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 10, 1994 Just thought I’d take a break from the project I’ve been working on to get up to date on some of the things that have been going on. First of all, the major project I’m working on is in #71. I’ve randomly picked 48 people that I’m writing 2 pages about. Of course, I couldn’t pick everyone, so I just chose the first 48 people I could think of. Some of them are negative, positive, or both. Some I knew briefly, some all my life. Some are family, friends and acquaintances, lovers and enemies.

BOL #11 is done and from now on, all letters will go in a 3-ring binder or a manila envelope. I have a grand total of 293 letters! With the ones I haven’t copied, I know I’m just over the 300-mark! Wow! That’s a lot of letters.

Anyway, it’s a real sauna outside and very quiet. Tom said he thinks they took off next door a couple of days ago. He said the kids were all in the van and they were putting in boxes. Yeah, I think they did take off somewhere. Cool.

Yesterday I went to get a new license with my new name. They took another picture and I hope this one came out better.

We went to SS for a new SS card in the new name. He had to get a new one too, cuz he lost his a while ago.

Speaking of SS I called them today to find out what the hell’s going on. Am I on it or off it? She said I’m listed as on it, but I’ve got to call back tomorrow to talk to someone else. Like Tom said, if someone wants to give me money, I’ll take it.

Later…

I just did some laundry, so now I can write some more. Yesterday we ordered these colorful splash labels that say Tom & Jodi Lin S. Also a Post-it pad of paper. That says, Tom & Mystery.

We picked up two of the same kinds of figurines of a cactus with a narrow flowerpot behind it. One’s for Tammy for her birthday and the other is for my parents for their anniversary. I ran out of paints, though, so it’s delayed. I sent them cards saying that their gifts would be late. Tammy, who I talked to today, asked if I sent them anything and said she just sent a card. I gave her one hint about her gift and theirs. I said “paint” and she asked why she’d need paint. She asked if it was a picture. I said no, then quickly changed the subject. She’s no doubt going nuts trying to figure out what the hell it is.

I thought of a neat way to test my parent’s reaction if I ever was pregnant. Next April I’ll tell them I am as an April’s fool joke. If they flip, then I won’t ever talk to them if I ever do get pregnant for real. What if I were before April? Well, I’d really like Tom to be the one to tell them, but since he may not want to, I’m sure Tammy will.

Tammy asked how come Tom never calls her, but maybe we’ll surprise her one of these days. I told Tammy it works both ways. Bill’s never called me and he’s always welcomed to. Then again, I really don’t care for the guy.

Later…

My project’s 2/3 of the way done. Tom said he thought it was an excellent idea and that if he were teaching a writing class he’d tell his class to choose 20 people and write 2 pages about each one. That’s cool. I thought he’d think it rather strange if anything at all.

He may be a half-hour late this week as he’s stopping to feed his sister’s dog. She and Dave are in CA. He’ll also be leaving a half hour early before work to go feed the dog and let it out. I’m just kind of waiting for him now.

I guess I’m all up to date with everything. Gotta go get my jeans and Vegas tie-dye shirt off the line.

Later…

OK, I got my stuff off the line. The animals next door are there. I could hear them, but very faintly.

I am wondering if having my own child would impact the way next door annoys me. I believe the reason for this is that if you constantly hear your own children, it becomes difficult to distinguish them from others. Additionally, most people prefer the sounds of their own children over those of someone else’s.

Later…

I just heard the phone ring, but I figured it was just Andy calling to say hi, so I didn’t answer. It was a message from Tom, though. He’s at Mary’s and he’s going to be home between 7:30-7:45. I’ll have dinner ready for him either way. I made up cheese noodles with bacon bits and I’ll also make him two hot dogs.

I got a letter from Bob today and this time around he did something new. He addressed it to both of us.

I did my workout today and now I’ve got 2 weights in the thigh holder. In 2 weeks, I’ll be up to 4, the total amount.

I’m still on Phase 1 out of 4 until the 20th.

I did dishes, watered my plant outside, and that’s pretty much it.

Earlier today I had a sneezing fit for the first time in ages, but it was nothing compared to what I used to go through back East. Then, after that, I had the runs. I’m fine now, though. Last night Tom showed me a very easy way to print pictures and I did several. Today I was going to do some more, but I couldn’t get it started. Oh well.

Later…

Tom’s home now eating his dinner and when he’s done we’re going to chat for a while. I’m kind of horny and hoping for fun, but if he’s too tired I’ll understand.

MONDAY, AUGUST 8, 1994 Last night I’m sure the whole city of Phoenix was woken up by the massive thunderstorm we had. It woke Tom and I up sometime at 2 AM. It was really booming out there. I wished it was going on, though, when I was awake to see it. I like how I’m sure it woke them up next door.

Andy was probably pissed at being woken up and not up able to see it and enjoy it. He loves storms.

Well, I have 4 pieces of mail going out. A letter to Kim, a letter to Bob, Tammy’s b-day card, and my parent’s anniversary card.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 7, 1994 I have a million things to write about, but I’ve just been extremely busy to do so. Andy was over last Thursday and Friday. We hung out back by the pool, got some color and typed letters.

Yesterday I got a long 5-page letter from Bob. Also, my Phase-Out system came! I’m really psyched about it, too. It’s an 8-week program. Every 2 weeks you punch in 2 perforations into the filter with little tiny sharp needles.

Last Friday I taped The Guardian in SP. Luckily it came out just fine, but Andy kindly taped it as a backup.

It’s been peacefully quiet around here and Tom and I swam this weekend.

He and I are doing great and yesterday we had some serious fun sexually. It has become so easy for him to get in me and I’ve really loosened up. Today we didn’t have time for fun, but tomorrow we’ll make the time.

Yesterday, besides hot sex, we went out shopping. He got a computer book and some other stuff. I got 3 new journals, this pen I’m writing with, and also a purple one.

Also, 3-D postcards. When you look at them they’re all different kinds of pretty colors and patterns till you see the hidden image. It’s like stereo for your eyes. Tom’s mastered the technique, but so far I’ve only been able to see one postcard, plus a moving one he downloaded on the computer. There were 30 postcards. We’re sending 1 to David & Evie and I’m using the rest cuz he couldn’t think of anyone else to send them to. I’m sending 1 to Andy, 4 to my parents, 4 to Tammy & Bill, 4 to Lisa, 4 to Becky, 4 to Sarah, 4 to Kim and 4 to Bob. I put the postcard stubs and stuck a few at the back of this book. Mostly I put them in numbers 4 & 14.

Well, I’m totally beat now, so if I’ve forgotten anything I’ll write it in tomorrow.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 6, 1994 OK, now I finally have about an hour to write.

I just remembered that today’s that asshole Rosemarie’s birthday. I think she’s 30.

Gotta do my 1-2-3 workout today. The exercises are 20 minutes and the warm-up and cool-down take 10 minutes, so that’s 30 minutes total. I love the back and tummy supporter as well as the wrist weights. They’re great for when I’m sitting up typing.

I called my sister that day to tell her all about it, then got to talking with Lisa. She sang part of Get on Your Feet by Gloria and oh my God! That kid can really sing. She’s going to be great when she gets older. She already has vibrato. I didn’t get that till I was 22 and she’s only 11. Tammy says if that’s what she wants to do, she’ll support it. Thank God she’s not as negative as she used to be or is like Mom who was very discouraging. So, anyway, Lisa went on to tell me she wanted Gloria’s Spanish tape but had no money, so I made 3 tapes of Gloria’s best stuff.

I made 1 Spanish tape and 2 in English and I even put the voice exercises on that Bill made.

Now I’m going to go listen to music, but I’ll continue on later.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 4, 1994 I certainly have news to write about, but I’m so very tired now that I may not get into too much detail.

Yesterday my Tone-up 1-2-3 finally came and I love it! It’s the best method I’ve ever done. Clean-cut and simple. You do it 30 minutes every other day. I’ll expand more on it tomorrow.

I also talked to my parents. Ma asked if the shirt fits Tom, did he like the baseball, does he like sports, what kind of car does he have, what year is it, and do I drive it?

I talked to Dad, too.

I’ll write about Lisa and the tapes I’m sending her some other time.

Andy was here today and we were out back. I got some color and he may be over tomorrow, too.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 3, 1994 Got a letter from Bob yesterday as well as a wedding card and a letter from Alex.

I typed Alex a letter, but I won’t send Kim and Bob’s letter until Monday. I figured I’d send Kim and Bob letters every Monday and every other Monday I’ll send letters to my parents. I’ll send messages to Tammy whenever I’ve got something to say.

Our US West bill came yesterday. Amazingly enough, there were no calls billed from Fran. We’ll have to see how the next bill is and check the Sprint bill when it comes.

Fran also hasn’t called. What luck, huh? I really didn’t think he’d go down so easily. He’s not easy to shake off.

Yesterday we went down to a Social Security office. We didn’t have enough documents for proof, so we took forms with us. However, we can’t mail photocopies of documents, so we’ll go there again next Tuesday.

This Saturday I’ll probably get more journals.

Later…

Now I’m sitting at my blue card table, instead of laying on the bed.

I brought the old lamp I made in middle school in a woodshop in here and it’s now on the table. I just got up to wash the lampshade cuz it was filthy. I wish the lampshade weren’t so dark. I’d like to get a white one. The lampshade’s now drying out by the fan so I don’t end up getting zapped.

Tom will be getting up real soon. He has to work the next 3 days.

There was a surprise from him when I woke up. A huge poster of a still shot from our wedding video. It’s really cool. Sort of grainy, but if you stand a little further away, it looks so cool.

Yesterday we began our first task as far as shaping up the back room goes. We picked out tools that I may need, especially cuz he’ll have tools he uses in the back little room and the garage. He put up a pegboard on the door where the hot water tank and the washer are. It’s in this little square area between the garage and kitchen doorway. The other kitchen doorways are off the living room and off the back room, but that one’s more like an archway. I believe there were once sliding glass doors there before the back room was added on. Anyway, on the pegboard, we put screwdrivers (regular and Philips), a hammer, a pair of pliers, a broom, and a duster. I hung the mop up on a holder that was already there.

It’s 6:02 now and I think I hear his alarm. If he doesn’t come out by 6:05, I’ll go make sure he’s up.

Thanks to a commercial on TV, I learned something new. I have feminine powder, and I’d sit back on the toilet and try to stick some down there but when I’d sit up it’d go all over. Well, this time around I put it in my underwear. The tip came just in time as I got my period and it really helps keep me dryer.

Tom’s up so I’ll see ya!

Later…

Tom showed me changes he made with the picture printing program and now he’s eating hot dogs and watching the news.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 2, 1994 Boy, was I busy yesterday. I busted my ass cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing the kitchen floor and doing laundry. I washed the little rugs in the kitchen and bathroom and the curtains seem like they shrunk, though. Before I washed the curtains, I touched up the soundproofing stuff in the windows. There are tons of gaps in them, so I shoved in cotton balls and the last of the silver foil labels. Lots of the labels had fallen when I woke up. Instead of all the work wearing me out, it pumped my adrenaline, so I ended up being up for 20 hours when I finally knocked off at around 4 PM. I got up shortly after midnight. I’m still a bit tired.

Later…

Larry called yesterday. He started off by saying he was down the street and wanted to come over. I thought, holy shit! I’ve been up so long and look like hell. He was only kidding, though, and was at Mom and Dad’s in Florida. He said his plans are all fouled up, but he still hopes to get out here this summer. I told him all about my unpredictable schedule and why I understood that oh so well. He said Larry’s done riding with him for the summer cuz he has to go to school early cuz of Band or something like that.

Jenny just got back from camp, so she’ll go on the road with him. I hope to meet up with all of them eventually, but right now Larry’s done traveling alone.

I finally remembered to ask his age which I figured was between 38-40, but like most of us in the family, he looks younger. He was teasing me by saying I look 14. He saw our wedding video, and I thought, oh no! He said it was very good and I didn’t look fat.

He’s still looking forward to meeting Tom and when I said how blessed I was, cuz most guys are jerks, he jokingly goes, “I’m a slut.”

I don’t think that was a joke, though, at one time and I said I probably would have been too if I were a guy.

He also mentioned my possibly going with him on his rig maybe to CA for a few days. In the meantime, he doesn’t know when he’s coming, but I told him what Tom’s days off were.

MONDAY, AUGUST 1, 1994 Tom got up an hour ago. He slept for 12 hours. Lucky him. I wish I’d done that, too.

I was just playing with Piggy while he was working on his computer program.

I just did another huge round of journal housekeeping. I took out address labels that were in the wrong books. I wish I didn’t stick the stickers I just stuck in this book (4 of them). Why? Cuz I have so much doodling on the front and back covers of so many journals, especially in the beginning that it’d be nice to cover it. Well, I’ll be getting these TV dinners regularly, so little by little I’ll cover them.

Tom just came in and closed the air duct in my closet, so no spiders can come down.

Later…

Yesterday I didn’t do too much. I watched the women’s gymnastics and a movie I taped when I got up.

Tomorrow we’re going to go get my name changed with SS and also discuss the letter SSI sent. I still need to call the Registry of Motor Vehicles too.

[carolap53]

Jesus Was A Workplace Minister

TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman

01/08/2024

"Isn't this the carpenter? Isn't this Mary's son and the brother of James, Joseph, Judas and Simon? Aren't his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him (Mark 6:3). In 2005, a movie entitled The Passion was released that chronicled the last twenty-four hours of Jesus' life. During a flashback scene, Jesus was seen in his carpentry shop making a table with his mother standing by playfully observing. It was a very beautiful scene that reminds us that Jesus was a carpenter for most of his adult life. In fact, Jesus was more qualified to be a carpenter than the Son of God in the eyes of the people because that is the history they knew of this young working class man from Nazareth. Consider that in the New Testament of Jesus' 132 public appearances, 122 were in the marketplace. Of 52 parables Jesus told, 45 had a workplace context. Of 40 miracles in the book of Acts, 39 were in the marketplace. Jesus spent his adult life as a carpenter until age 30 before he went into a preaching ministry in the workplace. And, 54% of Jesus' reported teaching ministry arose out of issues posed by others in the scope of daily life experience. Saint Bonaventure said, "His doing nothing 'wonderful' (his first 30-years) was in itself a kind of wonder." Work, in its different forms, is mentioned more than 800 times in the Bible -more than all the words used to express worship, music, praise, and singing combined. God created work and He is a worker. "My father is always at his work to this very day, and I too, am working" (John 5:17). So, the next time you are tempted to minimize your daily work as anything less than a holy calling, remember that Jesus was a workplace minister as a carpenter in his community. He has called you and I to reflect His glory in our work.

[straycatboogie]

2023/05/21 English

BGM: The Smiths - The Queen is Dead

Today was a day off. This morning I started using ZOOM to attend the online meeting about autism. This is monthly meeting I have attended for over 7 years. I got surprised at its length... I remember this. About seven years ago, I had been offered as "we will held a meeting about autism. I hope you enjoy it". It had been a great chance we started our history. I just had thought "I want to talk about the problems I am having at my workplace, and also the issues I have had since my childhood". Yes, it is a light motivation therefore I never imagined that I would start using the system of job coaches or change the system of welfare this city have through the meeting (indeed, I changed the system "lightly" and that's all, but that's enough). And... not only the outside of me as various systems, but I changed my inner world itself. Through the meeting I have grown myself up until now. Through connection, I started having interest in learning English. I have enriched the skill of my English and the connection I have had steadily. Life is mysterious. I am grateful for my luck and happiness.

Through today's meeting, I have learned various honest and serious issued the members confessed. How can we build the ideal relationship with our lovers and families? Members said their opinions each other as "making rules is important" and "not needing too much". Me, when I had lived in my parents' house, I had been suffered from terrible relationship therefore became a heavy drinker. I had had a rotten mind and spent the days like hell. Although we had been under the same roof, we didn't talk each other... and I started living in my group home and being separated from my parents. Now we have a good relationship, being not too close or not too far. Probably it is because I quit alcohol too. Indeed, we might need more intimate connection because our partners are precious, but I guess sometimes we have to "let them free" from ourselves relying on their decisions.

This afternoon I went to the temple. Although I had no purpose, I wanted to change my mood. At there, I read Ludwig Wittgenstein's "The Blue Book". I can remember this. The meeting about autism I wrote above had started me thinking various things in a philosophical way. A precious friend I am thinking as "a teacher" or "a master" had said to me as "your opinions or ideas are really profound", and that comment made me think as "I might be good at doing some philosophy". From "The Blue Book", I thought I had got the mystery of communication I have. My sense and words can be delivered to others. That must be an enigma. Through his thoughts, Wittgenstein tries to touch the diversity this world have I guess. A lot of "ideas", "points of view", "senses" are there. I should be surprised at that fact, and learn that this world's existence itself as a miracle. That's what Wittgenstein might tell me. I accepted it.

This evening I heard that Andrew Rourke, known as the Smiths' bassist, had passed away. He was just 59. I will be 48 this year... I got a certain shock by it, and enjoyed his playing with The Smiths' "Hatful of Hollow" and "The Queen is Dead". This news made me set a fire to my soul. What can I have achieved in my life? Nothing... I remember my 20s and 30s. They were a real days of anger. There were two emotions/wills. The one is "I must be bigger", "I never end my life at this barren place". And the another is "I want to die", "it was a mistake to be born". I can remember that they certainly sang in their songs that kind of ambivalent emotion. I respect them because they expressed that ambivalence with their beautiful tunes and playing. Rest in peace.