#the fact that he is so blasé about the whole thing in that last page

[pinkbowsandprettyprose]

Do you think Aoyama kun knew at the time that Ichigo was in fact the cat he saved? If so... That's very scandalous 🤭 frickin offering to bathe with her.

If not, do you think he ever found out later?

Did he know when he first brought her home as a cat? I don’t think so — I mean, how could he? Maybe he suspected something was up subconsciously when he dreamed about her when they were in bed together.

While I headcanon that Masaya suspected Ichigo was Mew Ichigo almost immediately, I’m not sure he would have made the connection to a literal cat.

Did he find out about her cat form later? Absolutely, it’s canon that he did!

[lubdubsworld]

⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆

Chapter 1

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.

Rating : 21+

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is. 

When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.

Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.

Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.

It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?

I glanced at the article again.

The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.

I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.

And then my eyes reached the end of the article.

Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.

I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.

But it was impossible.

It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.

I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.

I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.

I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.

But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.

And then Jungkook had happened.

Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .

But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.

Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.

A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.

I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.

Showtime, I thought with a grimace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy  to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.

“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”

My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.

With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.

Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.  

“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.

I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.

“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely.  She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.

“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.

“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.

“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.

“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while.  We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”

His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.

How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?

“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.

“is that a problem?” he asked.

I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.

“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.

“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.

“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.

“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.

“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.

“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.

“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.

“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.

“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”

I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.  

“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .

“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”

“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.

“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.

“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.

“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”

I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.

“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.

“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.

“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”

He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.

“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.

Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.

“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.

“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.

“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .

“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.

“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.

I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.

“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.

But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..

The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.

“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”

I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.

Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.

“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.

“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .

“I’d carry you.” He said simply.

“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.

“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”

“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”

His gaze dipped to my lap.

“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.

“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”

And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.

Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.

I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.

It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called Jungkook that evening.

It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.

“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.

“Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”

“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.

“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .

Silence followed for a few seconds.

“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.

“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.

“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.

Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.

“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.

Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.

“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong.  She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”

God I wanted to strangle him.

“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.

“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”

I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.

“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”

“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.

I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.

“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.  

“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements  and you have to have  a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”

Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?

“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.

“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”

“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.

“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Alright.”

Silence again. I exhaled shakily.

“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.

“Good night, Jungkook.”

Click.

I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.

She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.

Well, so did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth  always surprised you.

“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.

“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.

He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.

“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.

“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.

“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.

“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.

“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.

“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.

“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”

“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.

My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and  I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”

Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.

“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.

“You remember.” I said, pleased.

“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”

“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.

“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.

“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”

“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”

I shook my head.

“Oppa…”

“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.

I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.

But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.

“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.

Namjoon grinned.

“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.

“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.

“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.

He laughed.

“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have  a nice picnic.”

“Namjoon, I can’t…”

“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is  give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”

It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.

I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.

/Jungkook called me back almost at once.

“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.

“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.

“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.

“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”

I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?

“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.

Oh.

“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.

“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.

“No. Why?”

“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.

“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.

“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.

“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.

“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”

I stayed quiet and so did he.

“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.

“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”

I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.

“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .

Jungkook didn’t reply.

“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.

I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.

“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.

“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.

“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.

“That’s nice.  You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.

After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”

I frowned a bit.

“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”

Another pause.

“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.

“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.

“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”

Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.

“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”

“I need to go.”

“Alright.”

“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loneliness .

It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.

It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,

Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.

And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.

I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .

 Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.

Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.

“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.

Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.

Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.

“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .

“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.

“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.

Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.

“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”

I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.

“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.

“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”

I nodded.

“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”

“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”

I leaned back to stare at him.

“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.

Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.

“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.

My heart turned over inside me.

“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.

“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.

“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.

“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”

I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.

“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Alright then.”

“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What?”

“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“

“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.

It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.

“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept

Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.

Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.

“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.

It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.

Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.

Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.

I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.

“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply.

I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.

“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”

She looked away.

“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.

“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”

Lisa didn’t respond.

“Jungkook  knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.

“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.

“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.

“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”

She stared down at her feet.

“Yes. I’m greedy..”  She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”

She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.  

“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.

I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.

“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.

I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.

“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.

“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.

“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.

“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.

“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”

“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.

“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.

“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.

Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.

The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s

I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone,  simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.

He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.

“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.

“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.

“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”

I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.

“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”

“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.

“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.

“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.

“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.

“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.

“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”

Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.

“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.

“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“

“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.

I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.

“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.

“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”

Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.

Sighing, I nodded.

“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”

“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.

I nodded.

“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”

“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.

Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.

“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”

“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”

“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”

I stared at him, biting my lips.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”

It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.

The smile faded.

“What?”

“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.

“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.

“Jungkook , I…”

“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“

“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “  All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.

I stared at him, horrified.

“Jungkook….”

“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”

My throat went dry.

“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”

“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.

“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“

“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.

Jungkook went completely still.

I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .

He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.

“ A girl?” He whispered.

I bit my lips, nodding.

“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.

“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.

Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.

I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.

I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.

“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to. 

I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.

“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg. 

ooh i don’t have a taglist for this so please comment if you wanna be on it. 

[rhetoricandlogic]

I read Ruin of Kings so you didn’t have to. You’re welcome. Now buckle up, we are in for a bumpy ride and it’s almost all downhill from here.

You know how sometimes a mediocre thing is made even more mediocre. For example, have you ever had a lukewarm bath ruined by a leaky tub that you don’t quite fit into? Have you ever grabbed some french fries from your least favorite fast food restaurant and they were over cooked? Have you even been so hungry/daring that you decided to buy gas station “pizza” and it was cold? Well…do I have the book for you!

The Ruin of Kings

Now, to be perfectly honest, I went into The Ruin of Kings excited. This book had ALL THE HYPE. Tor was pushing this book like they’d just found out they had free rein in Hamsterdam and Marlo was nowhere in sight. It had a blurb by Glen Cook (aka the Godfather of Grimdarks). It had good reviews by The New York Times, The L.A. Times, and Kirkus. Book Review said (and I quote): “With the scope and sense of fatality of Patrick Rothfuss, and well-choreographed action sense of Brandon Sanderson, Lyons leaps into the big leagues of epic fantasy and sticks the landing.”

In this one sentence Book Review raised the bar to unimaginable heights. If you’re a fan of the fantasy genre, Sanderson and Rothfuss are two unimpeachable names. Sanderson, whose body of work contains The Mistborn Saga, The Stormlight Archives, and Elantris as well as the last three books of The Wheel of Time, is enjoying a stretch of writing that I don’t think will be challenged by anyone soon. When you read a Sanderson book you know the character development is going to be first class and you know (without a shadow of a doubt) the magic system is going to be new and intriguing. When you name drop Rothfuss you are bringing The Kingkiller Chronicles into the conversation. I cannot adequately express or overstate how good that series is. In fact, if you haven’t read it, stop reading this, go read that and we can continue this conversation later.

Book Review wasn’t just telling us that Jenn Lyons is in the ballpark with those other great writers. Book Review was telling us Jenn Lyons was up to bat and pointing beyond the back wall. I was overjoyed and eager to add yet another great author to my collection. I was expecting world-class worldbuilding, intricate attention to character development and a first-rate magic system we haven’t seen anywhere else.

After reading the book and then re-reflecting on the Book Review statement I am reminded to the wise words of one Mr. Luke Skywalker:

Amazing. Every word that you just said is wrong.

Much Hype Comes to Nothing

The Ruin of Kings is not well paced, nor well written, neither is it particularly engaging. It is needlessly packed with twists, turns and the type of moments that would have had M. Night Shyamalan’s suspension of disbelief waving a white flag. The magic system was not really a system, so much as just a thing that happened. The character development lacked originality and leaned heavily on gotcha moments to push the rhythm of the writing. I saw neither well-choreographed action nor amazing scope. What I did see was a book that was eager to please but fell well short of that simple goal.

Let’s start with the pacing. It is a shambles from the get-go. The Ruin of Kings takes a small page of out Rothfuss’ Kingkiller Chronicles and goes with the “story within a story” mode. The story is told from the viewpoint of the protagonist and one of his antagonists. This causes the plot to ping-pong back and forth from different points of view and different timelines. Which in and of itself should not be a problem — George R.R. Martin plays with timelines all throughout his books and I have no problem keeping up. That’s because Martin leaves markers along the way so you can keep track of the action. In The Ruin of Kings I haven’t decided if it was bad writing, bad pacing, or some combination but I found the timeline not so much confusing as it was muddled. Part of the problem was the extreme shortness of the chapters. The author doesn’t allow you the time and space to get invested into a scene before whisking us away to the next one.

Doing Too Much With Too Much

Next, there were too many characters, doing too many things. In Wheel of Time there are about 20 main characters, another 30-side characters and an additional 40 (or so) random characters. But each character is distinct enough and the writing is good enough that nothing seems rushed or incomplete. The characters don’t get lost within each other. In The Ruin of Kings, there are people splashed across the pages for no apparent reason. The book has shapeshifters who may or may not have been people, and gods that may or may not have been doing the Zeus thing and pretending to be people. There are dragons and people that were demons and demons that were gods. It was just… a lot. A lot isn’t bad, if it’s done right. A good gumbo can have 30 ingredients. In the hands of many a southern grandma it can be delicious. This wasn’t delicious, this was just a lot.  

Another thing: significant events happen “off screen”. The Night Angel trilogy by Brent Weeks was notorious for this. I didn’t enjoy it in that series, and I don’t enjoy it now. There is no excuse within a sprawling epic to have 2 years of someone’s “training” take place on a mysterious island and not show the reader this training. We are just leapfrogged years into the future while our protagonist is buffing himself up. We need to see this development. I would have been fine if Lyons had taken out 3 gratuitous twists and given us more of our protagonist’s time on the island. Stop throwing desserts at us, give me some salad, some steak, put some meat in this meal!

Speaking of twists (since you brought them up), there were too many. It seemed as if everyone’s character was someone’s secret father/mother/goddess or grandfather/assassin, oops I meant cousin/brother, or god/prostitute/murder madman, or was it secret wizard/assassin/god? It got to the point where I got disinterested in the twists because the whole thing was a twist. A twist isn’t particularly interesting if there is never a straight section to set it up. When the whole book is one perpetual turn you have no basis by which to judge. It starts to feel like the twists and turns are more of a crutch as opposed to a device used to push the story into uncharted or unexpected territory. Even by the time you get to the FINAL TWIST (emphasis mine), you are desensitized by all the preceding twists and it’s easy to be blasé about it. Which is a shame, because the FINAL TWIST contained the good writing, good set up and good follow through that seemed to be missing in the rest of the book.

Not Recommended

Honestly, I was so annoyed by the book, I got a second opinion to see if I was being too harsh. I talked to fellow reader, BookWyrm, about my feelings. He summed it all up nicely. He said, “At best, it’s a mediocre book that leaves some potential for the follow ups”. And after 560 pages that felt more like 1200, I wanted and expected more than mediocre from an author who was hyped as the next Sanderson or Rothfuss. Maybe part of the ruin of this book was the unworldly expectations, but the pacing, the ridiculous twists stacked on top of twists, followed by lack of any real system of magic and shortened chapters didn’t help. I award this book no points and may god have mercy on its soul.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS^2 RE: Chapter 13, The Funeral

The Funeral, huh? So, Blaperile thinks it's gonna be Gamzee's, but actually I think Dave's is also likely.

Though I guess they can coincide, since both died on Candy Earth C.

I figure Roxy might play a key part in the proceedings again. But I hope she'd at least be less blasé about everything like she was with Dirk. Jeez, Roxy's win-state really revolves around hosting a funeral every few years, huh?

It started with Frigglish and Rose, 6 months apart. Then fast forward seven years to Dirk, some more years to Dead Jade (and, coincidentally, that was the day she went into labor, right?), and now here we are.

---

> Page 303

Cool. Yeah, that's too fancy a church for it to belong to the rebellion. This page, at least, is about Gamzee's funeral, both image and text.

Nice glass-in-lead windows, I must say.

> Page 304

Lots of trolls. Figures, since he was a figurehead and all.

Blaperile has a good point. There isn't any seggregation between humans and trolls.

... But Jane doesn't really acknowledge the trolls present in her eulogy, it seems. Don't think these trolls are really Human State Citizens, ya know.

Jane's doused in photographer flashes. Such a spectacle she makes of everything. Huh, didn't notice the flowers. I guess it's a nice touch, with trolls giving such importance to blood colour. Guess for Jane it's more about Gamzee personally than acknowledging there's any merit, even in a historical sense, to the hemospectrum, of course.

> Page 305

Can I just say I hope we're not gonna be subjected to all the crap Jane is going to spout?

I hope Dirk and Jake are going to have another heart-to-heart. I won't get my hopes up about Yiffany (I'll- I'll just start referring to her as Fanny, I think) getting a speaking role anytime soon. Although, who knows? She might have a few course words she'd like to share about the whole charade.

Blaperile has a good point, how come Fanny's out in plain sight now? Is Jane propping her up as temporary-heiress, while Tavros is supposedly kidnapped? I mean, when she says "me and my family", you'd kind of think she wants the term to include Fanny, you know?

> Page 306

TMI, Jane. TMI. Jake is right freaking there, too.

Okay, you know. I think Fanny can't hold her tongue for much longer. Magic collar or not.

> Page 307

Hopy shit! Go Jake! Way to show some spine, at last! Well, okay, granted, he got back in Jane's circle specifically to spy, but this situation is really uncalled for.

Here's to hoping Fanny isn't immediately subdued by Jane's personal security. Wreck some shit, girl!

Reeeeeeeeeallly interested in knowing more about her personality. I mean, we've got her squared away as rebel fairly truthfully, I'm sure. But there's a lot of ways for her to behave in that role.

And does she have any powers inherited from the Becquerel side of her genes, I wonder?

> Page 308

Wow, Jane can make anyone sound like a martyr. Really wondering what Fanny's going to do now. She would have been best to do away with the leash right away. I'm afraid she's working on instinct here, though.

> Page 309

Uuuuuh- Is she going to open-? To peak at-?

> Page 310

She is, isn't she? She's going to open the coffin!

Then afterwards, only Harry hasn't manhandled the corpse, out of all Earth C teens. :P

Blaperile posits: what if the coffin's empty? Well, true, Jane could've revived Gamzee, if she felt so inclined. Big IF there, though.

> Page 311

Fanny, dear. What?

She's just making a ruckus for kicks. I don't think she has much of a plan here. This is... quite tame for all I could imagine her doing. Pretty sure her leash is gonna get pulled in quickly, at this rate.

> Page 312

... Eeesh, is she really going to shock her? On live TV? Really, Jane? Have you no shame?

> Page 314

The opposition here, between Jane's words and her actions. It's staggering.

Hey, there are even carapacian mourners in the church? Huh. Didn't think they'd- who am I kidding, they're so easily led astray.

> Page 316

Aww. Okay, so Jake at least was smart enough to lower the voltage a bit on the collar. Still, ugh. Can't believe Jane sunk THIS low.

It seems Jake's conflicted on how to proceed now. Risk his cover, or let an innocent girl be pained much longer? Heh, "Little Red". Cool nickname for a wolf girl.

> Page 317

So! Gamzee was in fact in the coffin!

... Jane, really, you've sunk so low, at this point you don't need a redemption arc, you need a bungee cord.

> Page 318

If that's really Gamzee, and not a puppet placeholder, what's his face look like? Decomposition set in yet? I'm morbidly curious.

> Page 319

Pfffff. Oh bye.

Guess those soccer shoes were due for some good use, right?

> Page 320

Pffffff. That's a surprisingly blasé reaction, it's like a real throwback to Act 1 / Act 6 Act 1.

> Page 321

:/ :/ :/ Jane really doesn't think much of Fanny, and now she's even admitting it on camera!

She's wrong, though. Fanny's parents are worried sick about her, and I'm sure they're trying to mount a rescue operation at the first occasion.

I would LOVE for them to show up here though. Rose and Jade have a lot to account for, but Fanny shouldn't pay their bill in this.

> Page 322

We don't know her well enough, Jake. Who knows what goes on in her head?

Can't blame her for trying to wreck Jane's shit after what she pulled on her, IMO.

> Page 323

Well, okay, Fanny's rounding things up.

She kicked Gamzee's corpse out of the story (we can only hope), so points for that!

And she smacked the remote out of Jane's hands. Now for her parting gift? Give Jane the collar to wear and shock her? Double middle finger adieu? What's it gonna be?

> Page 324

See, here? Jake acknowledging his status as a doormat while admiring his genetic decendant's rebuttal of the role? That's awesome.

> Page 325

Jane's sending in the hounds to capture the... well, the loose hound, I guess. Are the windows gonna get cracked by a SWAT team now?

> Page 326

Oooooh! Nice! It's the cavalry to the rescue!

Cool. Lots more action in this than I'd have figured. It helps that all Strilondes that could have taken the stage were unavailable. (I mean, Brain Ghost Dirk was unavailable in that he's incorporeal and virtually invincible for all but Jake.)

[daggerandrose]

It’s been awhile hasn't it? 

I didn’t want to do another supernatural themed fic rec list bc I’ve already made one. So I decided to make a list of fics that’ve stayed in my head after I’ve read them aka fics I’m obsessed with! I’m going to try not to repeat any fics from previous fic rec posts I’ve done... but it’s probably going to happen lol

Enjoy and make sure to leave a nice comment and kudos!

The Only Thing That Keeps Me Grounded, 27k, @lululawrence​

“Shit, I definitely missed the last train.”

“Oh no,” Louis lamented. “I’d offer a ride, but I’m part of a carpool and we’re full already. I’m so sorry.”

“Really, it’s fine.” Then, what Louis said sank in. “Wait, I thought you were here alone?”

“Oh, I am. I’m the only one dancing here tonight. The others were working. In fact, here’s Nick now.”

It felt like slow motion as a tall, lanky man with incredible hair came walking over towards Louis. He smiled before pulling Louis into him and giving him a quick kiss.

“Nick, this is my new friend Harry. He just moved to the area and he’s amazing at swing. Harry, this is my husband, Nick.”

Fuck.

Or the one where Harry moves to Washington DC to be a nanny and never expects that his past struggles with love will be brought to a head. He definitely never expects the solution to it all will be the man of his dreams that just so happens to be married to the other man of his dreams.

Play Me a Memory, 26k @jacaranda-bloom​

Louis lives with his nine-year-old son Jake in a peaceful beachside community on the east coast of Australia, working as an entertainment coordinator at the local five-star resort. Harry is a recluse who lives on millionaires row and writes musical scores for blockbuster movies. When the roots of a wayward willow tree create havoc at his home, Harry is forced to stay at the resort while repairs are carried out.

Cue matchmaking storms, muffin preferences, laughter, love, and a whole lotta music.

David S. Pumpkins, 3k, by @indiaalphawhiskey​

Louis has a Halloween party to go to, and the perfect outfit to wear. It's a little odd that people in weird clothes keep appearing and disappearing. Skeleton outfits? A three piece suit covered in pumpkins?

Mysterious.

Moon Dances Over, 2k, by @londonfoginacup​

Louis knows that his tail is, frankly, stunning. His iridescent blue scales shimmer in even the slightest sunlight, and his fins have grown since he presented, delicate and almost transparent in their webbing.

He also knows that that means he’ll be one of the first to pick tonight, as the most beautiful omegas are blessed to pick their mates first. It’s considered a huge honour, since the guppies they’ll eventually birth will certainly be beautiful as well, bringing favour on the whole clan.

Louis has a stubborn streak, though. He’s always been rather a fan of mating for love, and there’s someone he’s had his eye on for a long time now.

Fiction Romance, 17k, by @rougeandtonic 

Harry has a type.

He likes older, sophisticated, mature men. Well-educated men. Men with life experience and passion for arts and social causes. Men who are established in their careers, who've sorted their lives out.

Niall knows this.

And so Harry can't understand why he's sat here opposite Louis Tomlinson.

A punk Louis/uni Harry blind date AU.

Hello My Name Is Harry, 3k, by @a-brighter-yellow​

Louis’s 20-year high school reunion takes a turn when a celebrity classmate – who also happens to be Louis’s long unrequited crush – unexpectedly shows up.

A famous/not-famous AU inspired by Chris Evans.

Howls Like a Beast (You Flower, You Feast), 16k, by @indiaalphawhiskey​

France, 1754. Château de Versailles.

“You don’t love me,” Louis had said, utterly blasé as he callously fractured the heart of a Harry that was just barely eighteen.

“I do,” Harry had insisted pleadingly, green eyes already watering.

Louis had rolled his eyes, exasperated and flippant in the way only beautiful, young boys could be when faced with the affections of a baby prince. He had run his finger down Harry’s cheek then, had forced him to look into his eyes as he delivered the final blow.

“You’ll change your mind once you’ve seen more of the world,” Louis had teased, pressing a brutally delicate kiss onto Harry’s lovely, pure cheek. “Once you’ve been properly defiled.” He had whispered filthily, delighted by the gasp he heard, the frantic pink blush that had rested high on Harry’s cheeks, the power he had felt at knowing he could make the Crown Prince squirm.

Everywhere and Nowhere, 16k, by @2tiedships2​

Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food."

"What has he given you?" Liam asked.

Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though."

"Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school."

"What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?"

"I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you."

Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

White Pages, White Lace, Big Hands, WIP, by @the-cheshire-pussy-cat

“He touches his sides, his neck, his lips, all the places Harry has just been, all the places that still tingle from Harry’s touch. Such a strange feeling Louis has, so unreal and nerve-racking. He can’t begin to describe what Harry has done to him, what about Harry makes Louis want to call him… Daddy.“

Or, a gratuitous Sugar Daddy!Harry and Student!Louis AU.

[pomegranate-belle]

For Day 6 of MattFoggy Week: Past or Future

That’s right folks, we’re busting out the TIME TRAVEL!

It’s still in shambles, but have some bits of what I usually call the Obligatory Bittersweet Time Travel AU, even though it has literally my very best pun title ever: “The Temporal Forecast is Decidedly Foggy”

—

The day it happens, his mind and heart war between the cold shock of losing the most important person in his life and the colder knowledge that this was always coming someday. Matt Murdock is dead. Really dead. There’s a body this time, and Foggy can barely look at it but he forces himself to. Forces himself to examine every scar, every birthmark, to make sure. To make sure this isn’t an evil clone or an illusion or—

It’s not. Everything is exactly as it should be.

Except that Matt is dead.

He died saving a kid, so at least he’d be happy about that, Foggy thinks. Not that it does him any good.

—

“Could I go back?” Foggy asks quietly. “Could I change it?”

Strange sighs and fiddles with his sleeve cuff, a troubled expression on his already troubled face.

“Those are complicated questions, Franklin, with complicated answers.”

“I know, I just— Would I be able to try? Would you let me? Or is it a... Is it one of those butterfly effect things, where I’ll, I don’t know, destroy the whole timeline if I sneeze in the wrong place?”

That at least brings a smile, wan, to the sorcerer’s face, and Foggy mirrors it back at him.

“The universe is a fragile thing, but it’s not as fragile as all that. If I sent you back... Time would bend around your existence. Make room for you. If unraveling the universe were as simple as a man’s wish to save someone he loved, well, I’m sure the universe would have ended many times over by now.”

It’s... A lot to digest, but the gist is simple.

“You’ll help me, then,” Foggy realizes.

“Time is contradictory by nature, both flowing and immutable. If you do this, you will never return to this time, and you have no guarantee that your presence in the past will make any significant difference in his fate.”

“Yeah,” Foggy agrees softly. “I know. But he’s... This is what I want to do. I’ve already made up my mind.”

Because it’s not that he ‘doesn’t want to live without Matt’ in the suicidal sense — at his core, Foggy just isn’t that sort of guy; even at his lowest, he’s always wanted to live. If this wasn’t an option, Foggy would figure out how to deal with that. But, as things stand, this is an option. It might be a weird one, but Foggy has learned to embrace mystical weirdness wholeheartedly.

“Franklin—“

“C’mon, Doc. It’s fine. I always wanted to be Marty McFly.”

—

This. Isn’t right. Foggy can feel it in his bones, that it isn’t...

He spins in a slow circle, taking in the street around him, and—

Yeah, there.

The Chinese place he and Matt used to love, the one owned by the same family for three generations that they had gone to after finals every semester. It had been crushed during the Chitauri alien attack, and never rebuilt. Situating himself directionally, Foggy moves his gaze upward. But the garish point of Avengers née Stark Tower is nowhere to be seen.

“Ok,” Foggy says, gently, trying very hard not to knock himself off the knife edge of calm he’s feeling. “Ok. So. A little further back than I was thinking.”

—

The newspaper trembles in his hands, pages rustling obnoxiously.

“Hm. Ok. A lot further back than I was thinking.”

Which is bad. Really, really bad, because the plan had been to have Strange help him out with the aftermath — what to do, new identity, the whole shebang. Assuming he survived rushing into danger to save Matt, obviously. Only, Foggy’s about a thousand percent sure that Stephen Strange was not the Sorcerer Supreme — or, in fact, any type of Sorcerer at all — in 1996. So.

—

Which is the point that he realizes why the date is so familiar. How could he not, after spending years watching Matt try to muscle his way through his father’s death alone?

—

“I’ll trade you my watch for your bat,” he offers hastily. “Look, it’s— it’s a really expensive watch, ok, you pawn this and you could get a new bat, but I really need—“

“Yeah, alright,” the kid says, suspicious but holding out his hand for the watch.

Foggy tosses it at him, and the boy drops the bat to catch it before racing off down the street. Foggy grabs the discarded bat and hefts it over his shoulder.

“Yup, this is a terrible idea, Foggy Nelson,” he tells himself.

Not that it’s gonna stop him.

—

“You even think about touching the Murdocks again, and I’ll make you regret it,” Foggy growls, standing over the gunman and pressing the bat to his windpipe — channeling Matt’s intensity as best he can. “You tell your bosses that too.”

“Oh yeah, and you’re gonna make me you fat fu—“

And Foggy’s, you know, just not in the habit of taking that sort of verbal abuse. He gives the guy a nice hard kick in the nuts that has him swearing a blue streak.

“Dickhead.”

There’s a rough sputter of a laugh, then, but it doesn’t come from Foggy or from the goon on the ground. It comes from Jack Murdock, slowly levering up to his feet and swiping blood from his nose and mouth. He spits a glob of worryingly red saliva onto the pavement.

—

“Who are you?” Jack rasps.

He sounds, Foggy thinks with a slight pang, a little like his son after a fight. Well. His chronology’s off, Foggy supposes. Matt after a fight sounds like Jack after a fight. And speaking of chronology... He’s pretty sure telling people his actual name might make the universe implode somehow, but it’s best to give out something he knows he’ll remember to respond to.

“Percival Franklin. You can call me Percy,” Foggy says wryly, offering a hand.

Jack shakes it with a painfully familiar grin dancing at the corners of his bloodied mouth.

“Jack Murdock. But I guess you knew that already, huh.”

“Big fan of your work,” Foggy replies, totally blasé.

And he means the boxing, really he does. After all, though he’s never seen Jack Murdock box in person he’s described enough of the videos to Matt to have a pretty comprehensive understanding of the man’s career. So. Definitely the boxing. He may just also mean the very good genetics Jack passed on to his charming and insufferable vigilante son.

—

“Matty’s a good kid,” Jack says. “Deserves better than... Well. Than to have an old man like me. I’m supposed to be taking care of him, but half the time he’s the one taking care of me.”

“I knew a guy like that once,” Foggy replies quietly, neglecting to mention that the person in question is the same. “Those are the ones you’ve really gotta watch out for, huh? Real tough and independent. But if you look, they need things just like anyone even if they won’t say it. Maybe your son tries so hard to take care of you because he needs you, doesn’t like it when you’re hurt. He deserves to have a dad that loves him, and that’s exactly what he’s got. That’s what I think.”

—

“You don’t have to worry about me,” Foggy tells him.

He’s the one that should be worried. Matt’s just— so little, and Jack, despite his bulk, looks a bit gaunt around the cheekbones. Foggy wants to feed them both and bundle them in blankets, which is a terrible instinct to have when they don’t know him from Adam and all his money is decades in the future. Jack offers a familiar crooked smile that makes Foggy’s heart ache.

“Doesn’t mean I won’t. What you did for me, for my boy... Hell, I can’t pay that back. If you ever need anything...”

Foggy shuffles his feet.

“Well. Uh. If you’re offering... I could really use a place to crash for the night.”

—

A chill creeps up Foggy’s spine. After years with a superhero for a bff, he’s learned to trust his hinky gut feelings, so Foggy’s pretty sure he’s being watched. Unfortunately, the hinky gut feelings do not come with a handy compass pointing him in the direction of whoever’s creeping on him. Which is— unfortunate.

It could easily be a simple mugger, or maybe one of Roscoe Sweeney’s guys. But it might also be one of those freaky-ass Hand ninjas, attracted by the mystical weirdness of Foggy’s time traveling. It could be Stick. Somehow, that feels like the worst option of all. There’s no way he’s going to let that abusive dickhead anywhere near Matty, no way no how. He’ll— he’ll train Matty himself if he has to. Not in the martial arts stuff because that is lightyears beyond Foggy’s self-defense skill set, but... The senses. He can help with those, maybe.

—

Across town, the last of Roscoe Sweeney’s enforcers heads down a dark alley. His intention is to find somewhere to lie low, to wait out his boss’s anger and the cops’ search attempts until he can get out of town.

There’s a loud clang from behind him, and he startles, whirling around to face... Someone. Something. The darkness is too thick to pick out more than a vaguely humanoid shape.

“The— the hell do you want?”

“You went after the father and failed,” the shadowy figure growls, low and menacing. “So you came after the boy. That was a mistake.”

—

“How do you know all this stuff?” Matty demands, his fingers still sliding unerringly across the pages of his book.

For all his scholastic prowess, Foggy has never mastered reading and speaking at the same time. It was always something he’d admired about Matt, and knowing he acquired the skill so young is startling.

“I, I had a friend,” Foggy explains distractedly. “My best friend was like you.”

That makes Matty pause.

“Just like me? Even...?”

He lifts his small hands from the Braille to gesture at his ears. Foggy smiles.

“Yeah. That too. He taught me about the things that helped him.”

—

“You don’t have to be alone,” Matty says stubbornly. “You’ve got us now.”

Foggy tries hard to blink back the tears, presses a hand to his mouth for just a moment as he gulps down the sob caught in his throat.

“Yeah,” he agrees, his voice croaky and weak. “Yeah, I’ve got you now.”

—

Foggy’s never actually met Stick, and it’s not like Matt could have described what he looks like, but when an old blind dude with a perpetual scowl starts cropping up around every corner, well... A person gets Suspicions.

—

Foggy’s breath catches painfully in his chest. It’s been— years now. Foggy’s gotten what few hallucinations of his Matt’s return he was going to have out of his system.

And yet.

A familiar silhouette graces the skyline, crouched on the corner of a roof across the street — and there are two stubby little horns on his head.

Foggy can’t stop the sob building up in his throat, but he presses a hand to his mouth anyway, tries to muffle it.

“Matt...?” he chokes out once he can breathe again.

There’s a slight shift as— as Daredevil tilts his head, and then he darts away over the rooftops.

[readingwebcomics]

Analyzing Questionable Content: Pages 151-200

High school bully or not, I’d like to reiterate the fact that Dora’s presence is so terrifying that it can repel a trained government agent. That’s a level of badass we should all strive to be.

…I mean like, don’t actually beat people up and steal their cigarettes, lung cancer is bad. But still!

Before getting into things, I’d like to open with a little bit of bookkeeping: First, as was pointed out to me by at least two different people, I COMPLETELY misread #123 – it was Marten who was helping Steve out on a date, not the other way around. This was completely my bad, so I personally retract everything I said about Jeph’s timescale.

Secondly, on my point on Dora’s identity crisis, user Scarlet Manuka had this to say:

For the time frame of Dora's goth phase, I think that Jeph is actually trying to present this as a genuine identity crisis for Dora - but it's also likely one that's been a long time building up. She's probably been becoming increasingly disenchanted with it for the last couple of years, and given that Raven complains that she's missed fifteen or so meetings, it looks like she's already subconsciously let it go quite some time in the past. I think we're seeing more the conscious realisation of a process that's already happened. In many ways that's what an identity crisis is: the realisation that the slow incremental changes we all experience every day have added up into something big while you weren't looking, and that something you thought was part of you really isn't any more.

That’s a perfectly fair point and one I didn’t consider. Thanks for bringing this up, under this light the time frame of Dora’s realization and her gradual shift into a different identity over the course of the next few comics makes perfect sense.

Finally, it was pointed out to me by Marco on the QC Forums that it’s only fair to link to the comic itself in these posts. While I had figured it was really simple to find the comic for whoever’s reading it considering it’s one of the biggest, longest running webcomics out there, they do have a point that I at least owe it to supply links to the site in these posts. So from now on, the dumb intro blurb to each of my posts will hyperlink to the first comic in the batch I’ll be talking about. That way, you can read along with the analysis if you so wish. Cool? Cool.

Now with that all out of the way, let’s move on to the analysis. Agent Turing has nope’d out and Dora saw herself out, letting Marten know that if he buys her dinner she’ll call it even.

This is a weird case of me totally getting WHY Jeph’s going this particular direction – he needs Marten and Faye at an ice cream shop to reveal a bit more about Faye’s backstory, which we’ll be touching on a bit later – but the particular setup for doing this feels… off. This right here reads like a textbook case of a writer going “Fuck, how do I get these characters to do XYZ…” and this being the best solution they could come up with. What’s worse about this is that only a few panels later, Jeph offers a much better alternative:

Literally all he had to do was have Faye be the one to bring this up: Instead of the panel with Marten blatantly asking “So THAT happened, what do you want to do now?” have Faye be the one to bring up that Marten owes her a little something for helping out with the situation, he brings up the ice cream parlor and then the rest of the comic goes on as normal. This may sound pedantic, but it’s a case where just a slight change in wording makes all the difference between sounding contrived and sounding natural.

I have… issues with this comic.

On one hand, Faye is opening up more about her past. A small, innocuous thing spurred her on to open up a little more to Marten, the reminder cracking her mask and showing just how much trauma she’s really containing within. You can tell this is more than just “bringing back memories” – his death had a profound impact on her, there’s something she’s not wanting to bring up or discuss but is being partially dragged to the surface. This is good character writing, and an amazing step in Faye’s character arc. It spurs curiosity, sparks intrigue, makes you WANT to keep reading to see the next time Faye’s mask cracks because you want to see what she’s hiding underneath it.

On the other hand… there’s no nice way to say this – at this point, Jeph is not talented enough at drawing to portray this from an imagery standpoint. The faces are too stiff, the expressions to stock. Faye doesn’t look like tears are escaping from her despite her best efforts to keep a straight face, she looks like she’s mildly disinterested and a blue line to represent tears was drawn on top of her face. Writing can take you far, but the thing about comics is that the written word is only half of the story. Anything you sell with words, you need to also be able to sell with expressions, with physicality and staging.

I’m not an expert in art – not by a LONG shot, I couldn’t draw a comic to save my life – so I can’t exactly offer any advice on how he could’ve made this work better. I’m at least glad to say that with time Jeph came to improve his artistic style, making moments like this feel a lot more natural down the road. He eventually gets comfortable enough with his drawings that he’s able to tell a story using JUST body language, which is admirable. Clearly, we’re not there yet… and unfortunately, it hurts the mood that this comic is trying to sell.

After a week of guest comics, we continue the story with Faye sharing stories about her childhood with Marten, showing just how comfortable she’s become around him that she feels at ease sharing details about her past she likely wouldn’t share otherwise.

Oh, and we’ve got some revelations about Marten’s past here. The Thanksgiving comic where he talks about how his family drives him crazy is starting to make more sense now, isn’t it?

Here, we see three things displayed. First, the fraction used in Marten’s dialogue instead of just saying “half”. I… don’t get why that is. It makes me irrationally angry though. I’m aware that’s fully on me.

Second, this serves to showcase both Marten’s blasé attitude about his strange upbringing and offer potentially an expiation as to why he seems so passive about everything. I’ve offered up the idea in a previous post that when he goes out and makes a choice, it’s enough to completely shift his entire world, so that may have served to encourage him not to not want to rock the boat and keep his head low. This, however, might serve as an alternative explanation, or at least another piece of the puzzle – growing up in a… let’s call it “untraditional” household where his parents were clearly quite open about what they were doing with his son, the fact that Marten grew up to be rather milquetoast serves to make a certain degree of sense.

Third, Marten’s being sassy. I like when Marten’s sassy. As I said, his character kind of… devolves in later comics, so seeing him have a spine enough to throw this out is always fun to read. Plus, it also serves to showcase how comfortable the two of them are with each other that Marten can sling this stuff out without fear of retaliation.

Setup...

The next day, Faye’s leaving for work when a surprise visitor comes to their door.

Marten’s comment always makes me laugh. This comic in general is just hilarious, from Amanda – Faye’s sister’s name is Amanda by the way – triple bomb thrown right into Faye’s lap to Faye’s 404 error to Marten not even missing a beat in his reaction to what’s going on in front of him.

Honestly, I’m with Marten here. And once again, I’m afraid I have to point out the fact that Jeph isn’t quite talented at drawing facial expressions yet ruins the punchline to Faye’s joke in the last panel. At least the writing serves to keep the humor going strong, and don’t mistake me here – these next few comics are gut busters. I fucking love the chaos Amanda causes by just stepping into their lives.

Oh yeah, I guess I should talk about Amanda now, shouldn’t I? Well, uh. Hm. She’s a Lesbian. And she’s a bit of a troublemaker. And like a little bit of a ditz?

…yeah that’s literally all I can think to describe her as. Cut me a little bit of slack here though, at the time of writing we’re on page 4010 and I’d be genuinely surprised if Amanda was in more than 50 pages total. The only real significant things I can think to say about her as a character is how what she says and does serves to inform Faye’s character.

Like right here – we can see the whole “doesn’t plan much further than the very next step you’re about to take” mentality runs in Faye’s family. Also, Jeph’s trying different angles out! Good on him, even little changes like this can serve to make the action feel at least slightly more dynamic!

“Clitoriste” is an amazing word and I hope to find a way to work it into at least one conversation before I die.

Amanda hangs around the coffee shop, swapping sex stories with Dora as Faye desperately tries to claw her own eardrums until Marten comes along. And as I’m saying this, I realize with hindsight that Dora’s being super cool right now, not only letting her loiter around her business but also realizing she was kicked out of her house at least in part because of her sexuality and so is letting her know “Hey, fucking girls is AWESOME, right?” to keep her mind off current events. The more I talk about Dora, the cooler she gets, seriously.

“Aerodynamically curvaceous” is another amazing phrase, this one great enough that Jeph eventually made it into a T-shirt. Seeing as I have as many curves on me as a string bean does, there’s no way I could get away with wearing it myself, but the fact that the shirt exists makes me a little happier to be alive.

Anyway, this comic goes on to show that despite the circumstances, Amanda is taking this rather well all things considered, and Faye has faith that given some time to sit with the information their mom will come around… Also that Faye was a damn good student, which might go on to explain how she was able to absorb so much information about guitars when her ex rambled on about them so much – she just retains information THAT well.

This comic… raises a LOT of questions. The last comic involves characters from another webcomic entirely, making this a fun little Easter Egg/crossover sort of deal. That being said, this raises a LOT of questions about the continuity of QC. Does it take place within the universe of Diesel Sweeties? Or does Diesel Sweeties exist within the universe of QC? The fact that we have a humanoid robot here – does that serve to shed a light on AI development in the QC universe? Did Jeph consider what AI development there would be at this point in writing? I assume not, as thus far the only intelligent devices are Anthro PCs. Is Clango an Anthro PC? Is he a prototype of a more advanced synthetic?

These are questions that were never intended for me to ask, aren’t they? Yeah. That’s what I figured. Considering the fact that Amanda has a girlfriend is canon, and the following phone conversation on the next page is canon as well, the best way to rationalize this is to just pretend that last panel doesn’t exist. Remove it entirely, and this strip fits in perfectly with QC’s established continuity and universe thus far.

Unless you REALLY want to find a way to fit Diesel Sweeties into QC’s universe, which I suppose wouldn’t be that difficult considering it’s a non-plot focused gag-a-day comic, but that’s entirely up to you.

Oh, and speaking of the conversation the two have over the phone:

Credit where it’s due, Dora’s expression on the first two panels is clearly different from the standard set of facial expressions Jeph usually puts on everyone. It’s always nice to see some experimentation! And here’s another situation where Amanda’s main purpose is to drive forward Faye’s character – here we get another hint of something that happened in her past, confirmation that she hasn’t dated anyone in a long time and some kind of source of a reason why she hadn’t. The scar on her chest, the death of her father, the lack of a love life stemming from some event… pieces to the Faye puzzle are falling into place, but we still don’t have everything. We’re given just enough to inspire further curiosity though, which – and I know I’ve said this a hundred times before, but I will say it a hundred times again – is good character writing.

…all that said, I sincerely hope that phone was shock proof. I don’t think her Mom’s exactly going to be in the mood to get her a new one.

Considering Amanda stole her credit card and all, I don’t blame their mom for being furious at her. That said, it’s nice to see that it didn’t take long at all for her to calm down and want to talk things over.

And here, we have specific confirmation that there was a set of “circumstances” that led Faye to want to leave home and move up here. Another piece of the Faye mystery falls into place.

Amanda’s immediately heading off to the airport to return home, leaving Marten and Faye to reel in the wake of an… I’d say it’s fair to call it an intense day.

HAH! If you haven’t read all the way through QC, you don’t understand why that’s so funny in hindsight. Trust me, give it another few hundred comics and it’ll make sense. God, I wonder if that specific reference was intentional on Jeph’s part, or if he just likes Vespas? Then again… he IS an anime buff, it’s entirely possible both events stem from FLCL.

Oh hey, there’s that pink Anthro PC again. We saw them back at the LANPark. Haven’t added them to the character list though since we don’t even know their name, but it seems like Pintsize has friends and a life off-panel. Good for him! I do wonder what ends up happening to these guys later though… Most likely they all just drift apart and move on with their lives.

...Why am I so sad all of a sudden?

And here we see an example of the two of them openly flirting with each other, dipped deep in sarcasm of course but that’s just how these two roll. Their inter-personal relationship has progressed really well and at a nice, natural pace so far. At this rate, something should be coming to a head very soon – either one or the both of them need to acknowledge the fact that they’re getting closer, or something’s going to happen that will throw a monkey wrench into the dance they’re performing.

Ugh. I’m coming to hate whenever Marten says “What do you want to do now?” Maybe it’s just me, I’m willing to accept I’m reading too much into this, but whenever he says that all I hear in my head is Jeph going “I can’t think of a more natural way to transition into this next scene so I’ll have Marten ask this question to push the scene forward.” It just feels like bad storytelling to me, it really does.

Now, I need you to hold onto your seats right now, because what you’re about to read next might just be the greatest comic you’ve ever read in your life. The mere act of seeing this may very well knock you out of your seat. Are you ready for this? I don’t think you are – I don’t think ANY of us are. Brace yourselves.

My man, Jimbo! And yes, he is officially called Jimbo now, so we’ll be changing the name in the character stats screen at the end of this post. And this man, this absolute LEGEND, is living the dream – quitting his blue-collar job to pursue his passion in writing! He’s worked hard to get where he is in life, and now that he’s here, the fruits of his labor are paying off! As a commercial electrician who’s writing on the side, I strive to be like Jimbo one day. God bless you, you absolute PINNACLE of human achievement!

I can’t NOT show off more Jimbo comics, he’s just that great. Also, Faye’s drunken antics are fucking hilarious.

Credit where it’s due to Faye for not only helping Jimbo out with his writing but also doing it as a completely on-the-spot Haiku, while totally piss drunk. Not even going to lie, that takes talent.

Faye’s willingness to engage in behavior like this raises… questions. Questions that I’m not entirely comfortable asking right now considering the author’s own past with alcohol. I’ll touch more on it when we reach the batch of comics 501-550, I’m going to need more time to prepare myself to talk about it in a way that’s as respectful as possible.

And finally… the moment of truth. When long-time readers of QC remember the Pre-500 era, there are two things that come to our mind: The actual conversation that happens at issue 500 that marks the transitional phase of QC into the kind of webcomic it is today… and the headbutt-crotch-vomit comic.

Behold.

I’m not even going to try offering commentary here. Absolutely nothing I could say can be better than what you just witnessed in this comic.

This page right here… it has an interesting dynamic between its first and last panels. Panel one, again, Jeph takes the time to make a new facial expression for Faye as she’s waking up, one that looks nice and works with the dialogue to communicate how she’s feeling. And then in the last panel… well, I don’t think it’s exactly controversial to say that her face in the last panel doesn’t communicate the confusion and rage she’s supposed to be feeling as expressed in the dialogue, is it? Jeph is getting there, his artistry is clearly evolving, but he’s not quite talented enough to pull it all off quite yet. Still, little improvements should be applauded!

And here we get another character confirming suspicions raised back in #172, that being Faye clearly has some relationship hangups stemming from something happening in her past. This raises some concerns considering their more flirtatious behavior around each other and their developing inter-personal relationship. At this point, SOMETHING has to happen to inspire a reaction or change out of one of the two, or they may very well find themselves trapped in stagnation… keep that in mind for a little while longer. On the art side of things, something to note that I just realized… Steve has a shine in his eyes to make them look more natural and full of life, but Marten’s doesn’t. Is there any particular reason for this? And why am I noticing it just now? Actually looking back a few comics, the “shine in the eyes” detail only started with #186… again, in all characters except Marten. Is there a significant reason for this? Or is it just a detail that’s easier to do with the shades of color in people’s eyes except for Marten’s for whatever reason? I don’t have an answer, but it’s something to keep in mind at least while we watch the art evolve.

Also, one more thing?

Either Marten’s a liar, or Faye’s ass is just THAT good that it converted him. My money’s on the latter, considering people routinely talk about how baller Faye’s ass is.

Yes, I did just use the word “baller” unironically. No, I don’t have any shame, thanks for asking.

…payoff. 

And again with the fucking contraction thing… It’s not subtle if other characters are pointing it out! I know, I’m the only person willing to die on this hill, and I KNOW it’s long-passed and nobody’s concerned about it anymore, but it genuinely bothers me! This is a stupid character traits that… bah, I’m not going to repeat myself again. On a lighter note, this particular comic showcases how much better Jeph’s gotten at drawing faces. It’s not much, but it’s better than the stock expressions that most characters usually wear, and you can see some subtle actions and thoughts expressed in the way Dora or Faye’s eyebrows move, in which direction their eyes are facing… it’s nice stuff.

I won’t show everything in these next three comics, but I wanted to showcase this series of events at least because this is some good character writing that says a lot about both Steve and the new girl Jeph introduces.

Setup…

Payoff…

…and subversion of expectations.

Sorry Marten, but I’m with Steve here 100%. That was clever, well-played, and EXTREMELY hot all at once. It’s too bad we don’t end up seeing much of Ellen after this because she has SUCH a strong established introduction.

And what fortunate timing – we have another collection of guest comics, which ends RIGHT at #200:

And here we go – the spark of conflict in the relationship dynamic between Marten and Faye that I predicted we needed. How’s Faye going to deal with this? How’s Marten going to deal with this? What if on this date it turns out he’s actually, seriously interested in Dora? Would this push Faye to action? She’s made it clear, at least to the people around her, that she’s not interested in pursuing something with Marten… so what if someone made her put her money where her mouth is? Well, we’ll find out one way or another come the next batch of comics.

While we’re still talking about this batch however, let’s do our usual deal of comparing the art shift between the first and the last comics in the batch:

This is a clear-cut example of a lot of small, subtle tweaks happening over the course of a long enough period of time making a clear, distinct difference. The biggest change, of course, being the faces of everyone as I’ve been bringing up all throughout this post – everyone looks so much more EXPRESSIVE. You can get a proper read on someone’s mood based on just how they look alone now, and I find that super impressive… admittedly, it also makes me wish that Jeph could/would re-do the ice cream comic in this newer art style to properly capture the expression on Faye’s face that he wanted to capture, but you know. Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve.

So what did I think of this batch of comics so far? Personally, I think it’s the best batch yet – the best improvement in art, the most introduced on Faye’s character, the best sarcasm from Marten… a LOT was improved in this batch, and that deserves praise. I like where the plot is going, I want to know more about Faye, and I am hooked on the will they/won’t they story, especially with the newer developments in the complexities of their relationship web coming into play.

All that said, let’s take a look at the data analysis for this particular batch:

Marten: 34/50 – 68%

Faye: 33/50 – 66%

Dora: 12/50 – 24%

Amanda: 12/50 – 24%

Steve: 6/50 – 12%

Pintsize: 5/50 – 10%

Jimbo: 3/50 – 6%

Ellen: 3/50 – 6%

Turing: 1/50 – 2%

Grand Total:

Marten: 166/200 – 83%

Faye: 163/200 – 81.5%

Dora: 51/200 – 25.5%

Pintsize: 50/200 – 25%

Steve: 22/200 – 11%

Amanda: 12/200 – 6%

Sara: 7/200 – 3.5%

Jimbo: 5/200 – 2.5%

Turing: 4/200 – 2%

Raven: 3/200 – 1.5%

Ellen: 3/200 – 1.5%

Scott: 2/200 – 1%

Miéville: 1/200 – 0.5%

Ell: 1/200 – 0.5%

Do note that in this last batch, 12 of the 50 were non-canon guest comics, so I didn’t count any characters showing up in any of them. Either way, it looks like Amanda was in enough comics to create a barrier in the stats between main and major supporting characters and minor characters as far as amount of time they’ve shown up in the comic goes. I don’t know if anyone else finds that as interesting as I do, I just think it’s neat.

In any case, tune in next week for the exciting conclusion to the double-date story! And a trip to the hospital!

…the two things aren’t related, I swear. See you then.

[sophoreads]

Annotation notes for Wicked Saints

Attached under the cut are my word-for-word annotation notes pulled straight from my copy of Wicked Saints. Check out my previous post and goodreads review before reading the annotation notes.

I only decided to start annotating this book 115 pages in, because I realized that there were so many problems I was complaining about to my friend Sophie over text that I thought “Hey, I’d better write this shit down so I have receipts/can easily reference my thoughts.” I’d never really done annotations before, so I pulled out a new pack of sticky notes and color tabs that someone gave to me for free when I was in college and got to work. I ran out of sticky notes (started a new pad) and yellow tabs (borrowed last few from a weird tab/highlighter I found at the bottom of my college study stuff bin). I also got so frustrated I had to put the book down several times, because I’d paid eighteen dollars to pre-order this fucking garbage.

Pg 115 Pink tab – Character note --Bitch do you want to kill him or not? This is like bad Reylo fic— (Nadya being ~~inexplicably~~ held back from killing Mal, because she really wants to kill Mal, but just CANT for SOME REASON)

pg 123 Yellow tab – writing/literacy/grammar note --no note written— “He braced himself for the inevitable summons from his father. It arrived immediately by way of servant wearing a plain brown mask that left only his eyes visible. One of his father’s personal servants.”

Pg 137 Yellow tab – writing/literacy/grammar note --WTF is “it commanded attention”?! This whole throne bit is needlessly over-explanatory and could be fixed by adhering to golden rule “show, don’t tell”—

pg 139 Yellow tab --you don’t have to repeat the same thing twice!— “…Serefin paused, swallowing down the anxiety threatening to choke him. He was suddenly unspeakably nervous.”

Pg 140 Yellow tab --you just said they didn’t know who it was and now, not even a page later, you’re literally describing Mal and saying you DO know who it was?! WHO TF EDITED THIS SHIT— (Izak telling Serefin that they don’t know the vulture who escaped, then the vulture lurking behind him describing the backstory of the vulture who escaped)

pg 145 pink tab --what, is she Canadian now?— “You’ve realized your father isn’t so good a father to you, eh?” she [Pelayega] asked.

Pg 146 Yellow tab --For all that Duncan over-explains things in this story I still don’t fucking understand the High/Low prince thing??? Not once has she gone into it. And what the fuck is a slavhka?— (in reference to the first mention of there being “low princes”)

pg 148 Blue tab – Plot note --Why is the church still standing they LITERALLY TORE IT DOWN! THIS PART OF IT COLLAPSED!!!— (in reference to parijahan lying on top of pillows in the church Mal and Nadya just destroyed to get rid of the Vultures)

pg 153 Yellow tab --Are we really still saying “invalid” in the year of our unbridled insanity 2019?— “…Your mother, Estera, is an invalid…” (Mal making up a fake background for Nadya)

pg 153 Blue tab --SINCE WHEN DOES HE HAVE TATTOOS ON HIS HANDS— (in reference to the very first mention of Mal having tattoos on his hands, 153 pages into the story)

pg 155 Pink tab --Anna is so flat a character she could be removed from the whole book and not one thing would change— (in reference to Anna deciding to leave the group to re-join Kalyazi forces. I hold by this statement because Anna had no fucking role in the end of the book, and was therefore a useless character throughout)

pg 157 Pink tab --I’m sorry are we ETHNIC CLEANSING?! IS THIS WHAT WE ARE ENDORSING?! WTF?— “…then we can cleanse Kalyazin of the heretics entirely”

pg 163 Blue tab --this is the first we are hearing about any hierarchy in the vultures, which we should have read many chapters ago, not just when convenient for the author/plot— (in reference to first mention of Crimson Vulture)

pg 164 Yellow tab/Blue tab (overlapping domains) --Inches? FRACTIONS? IN THIS ECONOMY?!— (what is math in medieval Poland)

pg 167 Yellow tab --Still have not defined nobility and what makes a family “noble” or slavhka or whatever “low prince/royalty” or some shit— (In reference to yet another mention of low princes/royalty and somehow differentiating them from slavhka)

pg 168 Blue tab --I am more interested in gay Romeo/Juliet in a blood mage society than I am the entire plot of Wicked Saints— --Also this interaction feels cringey and thrown in for…no real reason?— “You’ve missed so much! Did you know that Nikodem Stachowicz was caught in the palace archives with the youngest Osadik boy?” (Zaneta)

pg 170 Yellow tab --FIRE YOUR COPY EDITOR— He shrugged, burying his tattooed hands in his pockets. “It binds over time, magic does. Especially blood magic. It’s so accessible. You don’t have to have a true affinity for it…” (Mostly I got furious over the fact that we’re only just getting Mal’s tattoo hands, which was obviously written in as an afterthought for his character partway through the writing process and not retconned into the story. I also just hate the sentence “it binds over time, magic does.”)

Pg 170 Yellow tab --Page 170: “walked on” Page 177: on horseback. WHAT IS THE TRUTH?— “Malachiasz stopped to wait for Nadya while the others walked on ahead” (this note coincides with a future note)

pg 173 Orange tab – blatant parallels to and lifts from Dragon Age franchise --you get a special shame-color for copying Dragon Age (also WHAT IS YOUR MAGIC STRUCTURE HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE) (it’s just bad writing)— “He was referring to witches—apostate magic users outside the gods’ approval—but there had been no witches in Kalyazin for decades. Their route of magic was considered just as heretical as blood magic…”

pg 176 yellow tab --Emily A Duncan focuses [more] on the little actions of Malacheezit than she does for any other character and it hurts the story— (specific reference to line “He fidgeted, fingers picking at a hang nail” interjected in dialogue. This action-dialogue tag does no service to the story at all.)

Pg 177 Pink tab --What the fuck? Is this about Holy War or is this a romance fantasy? (note the order: not “fantasy romance”)— “In a flash, his hand was underneath her chin, thumb brushing against her jaw…If Nadya hadn’t been sitting down she suspected her knees would have given out on her.”

Pg 177 Yellow tab --SINCE WHEN DO THEY HAVE FUCKING HORSES?! FIRE ALL YOUR EDITORS FIRE THE PUBLISHER— “Nadya let her horse wander instead of tying it up, sending a short prayer up to Vaclav to keep an eye on the animal so it didn’t stray too far.” (These horses were never mentioned before (note connects to a prev. note) and were never mentioned again after this. I literally cannot fathom how or why this book made it to final printing in this state.)

Pg 183 Pink tab --All this romance shit seems so forced for both Nadya and mal. I see no actual attraction on either party?— (I’m not recording the second note as it is a crude remark against the author, a remark of which I still stand by, but would be damaging to both her and myself. However, the emotion of the second note follows the concept of “anyone who knew what they were talking about wouldn’t write this kind of bullshit.”)

Pg 185 Yellow tab --“Per se”? I’m sorry is there LATIN in this world? (it’s bad writing)— “He wasn’t putting it off per se, he…”

pg 186 yellow tab --“It was fitting THAT assassins…” ugh— “It was fitting assassins chose to strike that same evening” (Doesn’t the author have a masters degree? And works in a library? How is her writing this chopped and sloppy, omitting crucial subject/action markers?)

Pg 198 Blue tab --Jesus, are prostitutes of war a NORMAL THING? WE SHOULD BE SAVING THESE POOR WOMEN— “The girl is…” He faltered, convincingly. “Well, you understand.” He winked at the soldier. (the soldier doesn’t even remark on Nadya’s sex slave status) (Also I realize that “prostitutes of war” is not the correct vernacular, however I’m committed to giving you my direct and exact notes. I know that they are slaves of war, sex slaves specifically, and do not receive true compensation or reparation for their suffering.)

Pg 201 Pink tab --HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NOBLES? YOU LIVED YOUR WHOLE LIFE IN A MONASTERY!— “Nobles are nobles,” she [Nadya] said waving a hand. “Regardless of where they come from. The pettiness of court transcends all cultural boundaries.”

Pg 202 Blue tab --WHAT THE FUCK? EXPLAIN YOUR MAGIC/MYTHS— (referencing the blasé and brief mention of Wolf Changers, which we never hear about again)

pg 203 blue tab --WHAT NECKLACE? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?— --Oh, that necklace, that was mentioned in the first chapter, forgotten, reintroduced the following chapter, then COMPLETELY forgotten again! Bad writing. Bad props.— “Her prayer beads were safely in her pocket, so she clutched at the necklace Kostya had given her.”

Pg 205 Blue tab --Is her accent suddenly better?— (reference to previous statements of Nadya having a terrible travanian accent, hence the sex slave thing to the border guard so she doesn’t have to talk, but now she’s talking and there was no reference to her improving her accent at all or even working on it.)

pg 207 yellow tab --I can see Emily has a kink for masks + chin grabbing— “He [Serefin] reached out and took her chin in his hand, lifting her face up to his” (Mal has also done this to Nadya countless times and she orgasms almost every time.)

Pg 209 Orange tab --The veil, yet another stolen Dragon Age concept!— “…closed her eyes, letting herself feel the invisible wall separating gods from men. She felt it the moment they had stepped into Tranavia, the weight of the veil pressing down against her, choking off her only access to the divine.” (This is also the very first reference to any such veil being in place. It took 209 pages for this to be mentioned, in a book chock full of a girl talking to gods in her head. Also, they’ve been in Tranavia for awhile. Why wasn’t this mentioned when they first stepped foot inside? (because it’s bad writing))

Pg 209 Pink tab --Nadya’s powers seem almost limitless at this point— “Holy speech whispered through her head and she moved to disassemble the spells woven through the walls. She couldn’t take them apart completely— someone would notice, precautions in place—she was just making them fuzzy, bleeding them out. She dulled them so any information imparted back to the mages who set them would appear mundane.” (If Nadya’s powers (at this point in the book) are tied to the gods, there is no mention of which god provides these powers. If this is meant to foreshadow that Nadya has her own powers, it’s a lazy job. It’s simply overpowered and oversimplified. )

Pg 210 [no tab just a sticky] --oh FINALLY we hear how they met!— “I’ve known him [Rashid] my whole life. And we crashed into Malachiasz about six months ago after getting into trouble with some off-duty Kalyazi soldiers.”

Pg 214 [no tab just a sticky] --also can we acknowledge the whole “brown girl serves a white girl” thing because WOW— (in reference to Parijahan playing handmaiden to Nadya at the palace)

pg 215 Pink tab --“Couldn’t worry about the prince”? wasn’t HE the one she wanted to kill in revenge for Kostya? (IS THAT ALL FORGOTTEN NOW?)

pg 216 Pink tab --First Zaneta is Indian [coded] and now she’s black [coded]? WHAT?— “…a tall girl with luminous skin like onyx threaded with gold…her spiral curls fanned out around her head like a halo.”

Pg 217 Orange tab --The game? Court intrigue? Masks? This all reeks of Orlais and direct theft from Dragon Age— (in reference to basically the whole castle competition, masks, etc)

pg 217 Yellow tab --And now we’re switching perspectives mid-chapter? Just start a new chapter!— (in reference to the very first mid-chapter perspective switch, which will occur more from here on out)

pg 232 yellow tab --I am so sick of these italicized words without any translation or description— (in reference to szitelka which I still DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS)

pg 233 pink tab --what the fuck is Nadya’s perspective? Does she want to kill all Tranavians or not? Emily make up your fucking mind— (in reference to Nadya getting pissed at Mal for killing the other blood mage girl in Nadya’s duel, so that Nadya wouldn’t die and the duel would end)

pg 234 pink tab --literally when has Nadya worried about his safety, esp. when she’s the one always threatening to kill him?— “She hadn’t forgotten, not even while she found herself worrying about his safety and wanting him by her side.”

Pg 235 Pink tab --oh FINALLY we get a description of his tattoos! 235 PAGES IN!!!! BULLSHIT YOU HACK WRITER!— “She found her eyes drawn to the tattoos on his long, elegant fingers. They were simple, straight lines: two on either side of each finger and one down the back that started at the bed of each fingernail and ended at his wrist in a single black bar.” (I literally vomited in my mouth when I read this)

Pg 238 Pink tab --Oh so Mal can’t murder to save you but you can murder Tranavians and its fucking justified? Nadya is such a bad Nazi char.— “It’s not an apology for murdering that girl, she noted. But it was a start. It was something from this boy who obviously had no morals and no regard for anything that didn’t serve his own interests.” (Nadya is the worst hypocrite and I want to punch her in the face)

Pg 239 Yellow tab --Hanged? Since when? Has hanging? Been a threat? Ever? In this world?— “…or else this whole mess of a plan will go up in smoke and we’ll all be hanged for it.”

Pg 240 Pink tab (this is another omitted note because it is a crude comment in part against the author, but the other half does say that Nadya is such a virgin and that I am second-hand embarrassed because this book and the “romance” scenes are so bad)

pg 242 blue tab --If Nadya used blood magic, why don’t the gods cut off her powers for her heresy? It would only make sense— (this is just a general comment on the chapter and how, after the duel and Nadya used blood magic, her gods were still talking to her. This is also before we find out that Nadya has her own powers)

pg 247 yellow tab --the way this is lazily written we’re supposed to assume it’s Ostiya at the door. Could be written much better (all of this could be written much better)— “Serefin hastily wrapped his still-bleeding hand with cloth while Kacper got the door. Ostiya blinked her single eye at the sight of both of them.”

Pg 248 Blue tab --“delicate gov[ernmen]t? we don’t even know how  the gov’t is even structured!— “This was too far. It would crumble Travania’s already delicate government.”

Pg 259 Blue tab --Oh good, a love triangle. Good to know Nadya’s type is “blood mage  tortured/charming boy” that grabs chin + kisses hands— “…and wasn’t sure what to do with this charmingly awkward boy. That he was one of the most powerful blood mages in Tranavia...She wavered too much already; she couldn’t allow herself to feel any more.”

Pg 260 Pink tab --Literally all that Parijahan does is be soft + comforting? That is literally all she does to Mal + Nadya + Rashid?— “Nadya usually didn’t see this side of Parijahan. It relieved her to see there was a warm softness to Parijahan’s flinty gaze.”

Pg 270 Blue tab --What do you mean? When did you mention that the gods had withdrawn their power from Nadya?— “She had no magic. She had nothing. She had no hope without her gods.”

Pg 275 Blue tab --But they would abandon her for using blood magic you dumbass— “The gods wouldn’t have abandoned her. Not for a few doubts, not for kissing a heretic—not even that.”

Pg 278 Blue tab --Okay this is actually a really cool scene— (when Nadya is first using blood with the pendant to see her way out of the room the rogue Vultures locked her in)

pg 280 blue tab --Calls her “little bird” is this Mal?— (referencing this unnamed god that Nadya is talking to via Kostya’s necklace)

pg 287 yellow tab --sloppy transition makes it seem as though a new person is talking— (Basically for the next two pages Emily incorrectly punctuates her paragraph breaks while Pelayega is talking.)

Pg 294 Orange tab --Velyos=Solas=Mal? Oh my god is this whole plot a regurgitation of DA:Inquisition/Trespasser?— “Have you heard of him? I suppose not. The veil went up, Velyos broke away. Your gods were probably relieved, but here he is once more...”

pg 298 blue tab --fucking called it (“acted like he was dead”? Literally said before that he was “sent to the country”)— (in reference to Serefin seeing Mal and discovering that his cousin is the Black Vulture. Previously, a not so subtle mention of a nameless male cousin of Serefin’s was “sent to the country” when he was young. I immediately pegged it as being Mal. But now it is written that Serefin was led to believe that his cousin died? The inconsistencies are rife.)

pg 308 pink tab --Does Nadya literally have no self control or sense of morality (for her own morals)? What the fuck is this?— “Then her traitorous, heretical hands betrayed her as she reached up and wove them into his hair, pulling his face down to hers and kissing him. Because she was angry with him, furious with his lies, but not even her anger was enough to cool the burning she felt when he was near; the heat that spread through her nerves when he touched her.”

Pg 308 Pink tab --ooh power shift, she’s doing the chin-grabbing now!— “She took his chin in her hand, directing his gaze down to hers.”

Pg 309 Blue tab --except for the vultures that kidnapped her? What about them?!— “Go to the cathedral when you’re finished here,” he said. “None of the Vultures will give you any trouble.”

Pg 313 Pink tab --Didn’t want the fate of nations? She LITERALLY came here to topple the monarchy and uproot Tranavia and start a mass ethinic cleansing— “She was only one girl; she didn’t want the fate of nations resting on her decisions.”

Pg 314 Pink tab --YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS YOU DUMB BITCH— [the dumb bitch being Nadya] “The war took something important to me,” she said, fingering Kostya’s necklace unconsciously. She couldn’t think about how it had been Serefin who had led that attack. (Nadya literally forgets and completely forgives Serefin for what she believes is Kostya’s murder (we know that Kostya wasn’t killed by Serefin but his BABY BRO WAS). Like, wasn’t Kostya super important to her? And she tried to kill Serefin in revenge but Mal stopped her? And in literally less than a week she totally forgets about it?)

Pg 318 Pink tab --Honestly, Mal deserves better than Nadya. He’s clearly doing his best and she’s just being racist and unwavering.— He opened his mouth, at a loss for words. Finally, he asked, “Will it always be like this?” Would it? She couldn’t say. Would she ever be comfortable with what he was? Or would it always be this constant hot and cold, friends one second and enemies the next? “I don’t know.” (Nadya is so abusive in this whole relationship I feel bad for Mal)

pg 321 yellow tab --He literally said he only told her the truth?! Mal has literally not told one lie?— “He was a liar and she wanted his truths”

pg 322 yellow tab --The whole order of this scene description + the characters is clunky and wrong— (no further comment really, that pretty much explains it)

pg 326 pink tab --Did she literally forget about Kostya? Did Nadya literally just forgive Serefin b/c she thinks he’s cute and tortured? LITERALLY? WHY?— “Serefin. He’s good,” She nuzzled his chest. “I like him. He should live.”

Pg 327 Blue tab --Can Serefin suddenly write his own spells now?! I thought only Mal could do that— “As he sat down at his desk with spells sprawled out in front of him, blood still drying on the pages, he couldn’t shake the feeling…”

pg 335 pink tab --That’s right, bitch! You’re damn nigh abusive to him and for some reason he keeps coming back! I don’t know why since you have the personality of a Nazi but for some reason Mal just really wants to fuck you!— “How could she be the only good thing to happen to him? She had almost slit his throat, had hung him off a railing. She didn’t even trust him, not really.”

Pg 351 Blue tab --since when have we seen a fucking calendar system?— “…turned the tide of a battle in 625 when…” (this is a “Vasiliev’s Book of Saints” entry for chapter 33. There is one more reference to a year in an earlier codex entry (tsk another Dragon Age ripoff) for something like 15XX. We don’t know what year it is, nor do we know when/why they started counting. Maybe it’s not critical for the story but it IS critical if you’re bringing it up.)

pg 357 orange tab --Literally Solas’s plot in Trespasser— “She bit back a cry of pain and shoved her magic harder up at the veil. If this was when she died, then fine. Fine. She would tear this veil down first and bring the gods back to Tranavia with her dying breath.”

Pg 360 Blue tab --How did she get here? Already? These scenes are so lazy, show me Nadya scrambling up the dais to Mal’s waiting neck— “He idly spun a chalice on the armrest and Serefin watched as the cleric stood and darted for a dagger that reseted a few steps away. It was time to test just what he could do with this power. (now it’s Nadya’s POV) Malachiasz’s eyes closed. He tilted his head back, baring his throat to Nadya’s blade.”

Pg 363 Yellow tab --Did we just miss Serefin fighting his father for Nadya’s sexy threatening? Was that really a real choice the author made?— (Nadya looks over at Serefin) “Serefin was on his knees, hunched over in pain, blood oozing from his head, one hand white-knuckled on the ground holding him up. Dead moths littered the floor around him. The stars around his head began to flicker out.”

Pg 368 Yellow tab --you CANNOT call it an “Adam’s apple” when there is no “Adam” or Christianity in this fantasy world! Lazy writing indeed!— “His head tilted back, Adam’s apple bobbing, as he swallowed hard.”

Pg 376 Yellow tab --this line is so cliché and fucking bad why the fuck is it even in here?— “The king is dead, long live the king,” she said, handing it [the crown] to him [Serefin].

Pg 376 Yellow tab --And why didn’t you write that the other vultures disappeared? There is so much missing here— “Where are all the Vultures?” Ostiya asked “Most probably fled with their king,” Serefin said.

Pg 378 Yellow tab --Is what enough? Power? Crown? What the fuck? This is so sloppy— “Will this be enough?” she asked him [Serefin]. “To stop the war?” … [Serefin:] “It will”

pg 380 yellow tab --No clear description of where Mal is. Is this physical or ethereal? What the fuck is happening?— (Mal’s whole epilogue)

[scorpio-karma]

Kai Parker Tag

from @kingcobrakai1972

1. Honestly, I don't know it's not that deep for me. He's obviously my favorite male character out of the whole series, my favorite pairing for Bonnie, but not much else beyond that. If I was hard pressed I guess I would say he's Bonnie's psychopathic lover to me because that's just so ingrained in him.

2. Probably 6x08 the thanksgiving episode, mainly for the flashback, but there was a lot going on in that episode that was just done so well. I realize I am weirdly attracted to psychopaths (in TV) so there was that element but I also loved how he flirted with Bonnie. While I'm not made at the ending of the episode I did hope that he would be stuck with Bonnie longer there for him to kinda grow on her, but it was pretty good the way that it went, one of the few times TVD didn't suck at their jobs and make me feel like I was watching a teen vampire show on the CW.

3.

4. His incessant talking and ability to make everything sexual especially when it comes to Bonnie. Also his obsession for Bonnie--I realize that it's not particularly healthy, but, damn, after watching 5 seasons of the Stefan, Damon, and Elena snooze-fest it was great not only seeing someone obsess over Bonnie but in an interesting way. Like his obsession didn't just take over his character, it was a part of his character. He was more than his obsession.

5. I know people are going to kill me for this, but honestly meh. I've mentioned probably more times than necessary that I gave up on the show mid season 5, but I came back in season 6, but not quite. I didn't actually watch season 6 until well after the entire season aired, I'm pretty sure season 7 had even started by that point. I'm not someone who really cares about spoilers so when I watched season 6 it was entirely to see Kai, who I had already read about through his wiki page, so I went into season 6 fully knowing he died.

While I was attached to the character I wasn't all that sad that he died because a) I knew before hand and b) it's hard caring about death when it comes to TVD. I'm pretty sure the last death on the show I had any legitimate feelings for on the show was Alaric in season 3 and even that was kinda pushing it because the storyline around it was so meh--and that was a thought I had as a casual viewer of the show. Even with Bonnie's death at the end of season 4 I was pretty blasé, although annoyed that she died over Jeremy, because there's pretty much a guarantee that every character who does comes back and low and behold she did.

Although I will admit I was pretty disappointed with how he died and not really for the usual reason, but more because of how permanent is was. Like I kept trying to think of ways he could have not been dead because he still had his heart and I didn't really pay that much attention to the more to remember that beheading was an actual way to permanently kill a vampire. So I guess the best way to characterize my feelings when he died is "he'll be back" and he was.

6. No. I don't actually have that many dirty dreams and when I do it's rarely with TV characters, it's actually always people I know.

7. 😲😮🤕

8. Young Kai because that's the version that endeared me to the character. The older Kai is post merge and I actually wasn't that big of a fan of that version of him--he was less entertaining to me.

9. Who is this random character and why does everyone ship him with Bonnie? 

So fun fact, I first got introduced to Kai through fanfiction. I was new to fanfic at the time and really had no real attachments to any ships with Bonnie (or any of the characters for that matter) so I read any and everything with her except for Bonkai (and Kennett but for reasons that still are unclear to me today because I still won't read them). In general, and this is still applies today, I don't read OC's and characters I'm not familiar with as main characters. My imagination is kinda crappy so when reading it's hard for me to imagine the character if I have no real prior knowledge of them, it's why I didn't like reading as a kid, there were just words on a page for me. My comprehension skills have vastly improved but then not so much.

Anyways due to this I didn't read anything with Bonkai until I got desperate and had run out of Bonnie fics I was interested in. I first read this fic and though it's not that great it did spark me to read other Bonkai fics and most of all context for this character, so I reluctantly watched season 6 and was actually pleasantly surprised that it was watchable. So this was around mid-2015 which is when there was a lot of Bonkai fic being written, at least from my perspective because it was inescapable to me which is mostly why I conceded, but for the most part my first impression was who is this and why does he keep coming up in my searches for Bonnie.

10. I'm sorry, but Kai Parker and for this specific Bo Burnham quote: Stop sticking with artists through thick and thin. If I stop entertaining you, leave me. Don't "stick with me". You wouldn't stick with your mechanic if he stopped fixing your car would you? I am in the service industry-I'm just overpaid. Now that's not to say I've abandoned him and he doesn't entertain me any more, but for the most part what years of TVD have taught me is exactly that, don't stick with things because of a sense of loyalty but because it's actually entertaining, and Chris Wood has never been as entertaining as he was as Kai Parker and I think that's something we can all agree on. So I pick Kai Parker everyday.

tagging @dontbeallupinmyfriesdawg @lokiprincess @aint-no-baby-momma-drama @meritamen

[texanredrose]

Dear Diary - July

July 4th- Dear Diary, Father called today. He tried weaseling around the terms of our agreement but I held firm. I know quite well that he doesn’t approve of the fact I’m attending the gala with a date he hasn’t personally vetted but he doesn’t get to have a say in who I include in my life anymore. In the back of my mind, I’m also highly aware he would object to everything about Blake, strictly for his own poor opinions and not because Blake is anything but a stellar individual and a sweet, heartfelt soul. Ultimately, it was foolish of me to talk her into attending the gala without first ensuring she understood the... full situation. The world I knew growing up was so enclosed that the realities of the world at large have yet to truly trickle in, old grudges and outdated views holding firm when they have no good reasons to cling to them except out of vain pride. I’ve made mention of severing ties with Father, but I never told anyone aside from Winter the details. Blake and I are supposed to go for a jog tomorrow morning; I will address it then. I tried calling her but the words caught in my throat and I...

I realize- not for the first time- that Blake is a better friend than I truly deserve. She picked up on my sour mood and turned the conversation away from my family and the gala entirely, pulled me into a discussion about a show I’ve never even heard of but now am interested in seeing. She’s made a claim that I can’t possibly see working in even the most abstract fictional sense and started discourse over the whole debacle, so now I feel compelled to witness for myself to see if my mind changes. We’re having a little watch party at her place on Friday- provided our conversation tomorrow goes well, I suppose- and the reprieve was nice. But I can’t help feeling like going to the gala- although an event I am required to attend- is a huge mistake.

Winter understands- perhaps better than Blake or Ruby ever could. She’s been separated from that world for longer but she knows what’s to come. Everyone will ask about her service, about why it ended, and she won’t lie- we’ve spent far too much of our lives lying to everyone and ourselves. She’ll square her shoulders and tell nothing but the truth with clear pride and from that moment on, everything will be different. From the moment Penny’s brought up, Winter will go from respectable former service member to an irresponsible single mother in their eyes- because staying in a loveless marriage where both of you cheat on the other like most people drink water is somehow the morally righteous avenue in comparison. And that she’s adopted? The circumstances around that adoption? Perish the thought of caring for another person out of something other than blood compelled obligation or financial opportunity. It makes my blood boil.

Even as I’m writing this, Blake’s checking up on me via text. Ruby, too, though she seemed busier nowadays. I know she’s been spending more time with Penny and I’m glad my niece- which... I suppose I haven’t been thinking of her as such until recently, but that is the proper familial relation- is becoming friends with my best friend. It’s... strange, in a way, because even though it’s only Winter and I now as blood relatives... I feel as if I have a bigger, more supportive family now than at any other point in my life.

I know I started this diary with the express intention of chronicling my exasperation with Winter and Yang but... it does feel nice to write the words ‘I feel very loved right now’ in my own handwriting and know that I fully mean them. 

And now Yang’s texting me. I guess Blake enlisted everyone’s assistance to cheer me up. I wonder what her response would be if I jokingly referred to her as my future sister-in-law. Jokes of that nature are typically her domain but... well, maybe it takes speaking in a language she understands to get her to notice Winter’s advances.

Regardless, it’s just occurred to me that I do have quite an extensive support network and I should set up contingencies. In the event Blake still wants to attend the gala with me, I should have a back-up plan; I think I’ll reach out to Pyrrha, see if she’s free that evening and could stay in the area if a hasty exit is required. Winter and I may be mandated to remain at the event but, if either Blake or Yang begin feeling uncomfortable- I don’t see the latter missing out on anything falling within the classical definition of a ‘party’ but Winter seems adamant- they can leave at any time they wish.

I already envy them that freedom.

July 5th- Dear Diary, Again, I find myself a bit amazed. Blake possesses a very intricate understanding of the worst case scenario and she seemed rather blasé about the whole thing. I don’t believe for a second she’s that confident in facing those stuffy morons at the gala- I can see in her eyes how she wants to balk and run- but she’s going to try and I’ll always admire her courage to try when every instinct screams at her otherwise. Also, our jog went a bit... longer than either of us expected; we both forgot the initial limit we’d set and just... kept running. Our conversation took so many turns- I actually find myself looking forward to the possibility that someone might incense her enough to pull a passionate rant from her mid gala. It would be glorious to witness and being able to say she’s my date to all the stupefied morons? Priceless.

Also, my conversation with Yang last night drew on a bit longer and I... was reminded of a few things. I sometimes forget that she plays her cards so close to the vest, to use a phrase, and hides her turmoil behind a mask of support. I suppose effectively raising Ruby on her own had some bearing on the way she always seems to keep her troubles to herself rather than ‘burden’ her friends with such thoughts, but that’s what we’re here for, damnit, and I’ll not stand idly by when something is bothering my friend and potential future sister-in-law.

After a lot of work, I managed to ferret the issue out of her. It seems she’s a bit intimidated about the gala. While she’s promised to dial back her puns and brash demeanor, she worries she’ll embarrass either myself or Winter, and while her heart’s in the right place, neither of us are worried about such. I tried to assure her of that but I’m quite certain my words fell on deaf ears; I forget, also, that she’s not as confident in herself as many believe. A cocky strut and a large smile can fool many but her vulnerabilities are there, if one looks close enough. On the upside, it provided a perfect opportunity to provide her Winter’s number, if only so she could see for herself that Winter has utmost confidence in her. That seemed to lift her spirits but, as of yet, she hasn’t reached out to Winter.

I swear, these two will be the death of me.

July 9th- Dear Diary, I spoke to Pyrrha and it turns out she and Nora have plans the night of the gala to see a movie. The theatre isn’t too far from the museum, so they’ll be in the area and happy to provide their assistance. Well, I’m not so sure about the ‘happy’ part; Nora didn’t seem entirely enthused but Pyrrha managed to talk her into it. Not sure what’s going on with those two but they’ve certainly been hanging around each other more often as of late. Probably a good thing; Pyrrha could use a little of Nora’s effortless ability to relax and just be goofy while Nora could certainly use a lesson or two in conducting herself according to... well, common decency. I swear, half the time, I think she purposefully ignores well established etiquette just to see how many people she can rile up, but she means well. I think.

At any rate, this secures Yang and Blake a back-up plan in the event things go south. Another round of assurances have occurred in the past day, going every which way- and I mean that literally. 

Winter has talked to me, promised to intervene if Father gets up to his usual tricks, which he no doubt will, and I assured her that I’d rather he do his best to tear us both down rather than just one of us suffer the consequences. I think it helps ease her mind that I’m willing to stand beside her, knowing quite well the hell we’re going to be walking into, but we both broke free of that world. If we must return, it won’t be alone. Funny, to think there was a time I envied her so greatly, I refused to talk to her. I suppose children aren’t the best equipped to handle the figurative minefields we navigated in our youth. It’s nice to think that she’s on my side, firmly; that we have each other’s backs. I think... I think one of these days, I should apologize for holding so much against her without saying a word...

Anyway, after ensuring that we were on the same page, we then had to deal with Yang and Blake. I’m not sure which of us had it harder, to be frank. I opted to try again explaining to Blake the sort of environment she’ll be walking into... it brought a considerable amount of shame to my heart to admit how awful these people are, and how I aspired to be exactly like them at one point in my life. Although I never said as much, I think she might’ve picked up on my fears that I’m truly no better, and she... well, did her usual Blake thing and offered for us to show up at the gala and then immediately run away, find a nice ice cream parlour, and settle down for a treat. While I’m not sure if her advocacy for avoiding the whole thing came from jest or seriousness, it made me laugh, because I honestly think it would be a much better way to spend an evening. Ice cream with a dear friend beats sitting in my apartment watching reruns and doing paperwork, anyway, and I do so enjoy her company. Alas, that seemed to be the extent of her concern regarding the events, and she’s steadfast in her courage to handle the whole ordeal with that quiet little smile of hers. I’ve recently begun to think how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends, and Blake comes in very high on that list.

However, by bringing it up again, it seems I unintentionally gave Blake the idea that I might want to take someone else instead. Preposterous, mind- no one else can read Yang half as well, aside from Ruby, and I’ll not be bringing that miniature tornado anywhere near these morons for fear she’ll either become embarrassed or challenged, neither of which would end well for all parties involved- and it took a fair amount of time to convince her otherwise. Truthfully, I can’t imagine bringing anyone else with me, not only to keep an eye on Winter and Yang but because I don’t think I’d want to have anyone else at my side when the vultures begin to circle. Blake’s seen... well ‘my worst’ is a bit misleading, since I’d like to think I’d grown a bit by the time we met, but certainly not my best. She’s seen the ugly side, the part I’m still trying to weed out from my soul, and knowing that I’m walking back into the garden where it grows wild- again I find myself questioning if this is the right decision to make. But that’s what the back-up plan is for, I must remember that. I’m a Schnee and I plan for every eventuality.

Anyway, setting aside the myriad of thoughts pinging around my head regarding this ridiculous gala, there’s what little I’ve gleaned about the communications between Yang and Winter, from the four most reliable sources.

From Winter’s perspective, she’s done everything she can to assure Yang that her presence is not only wanted but welcomed, and that anyone who makes her feel otherwise will be ‘dealt with’- a fine, empty threat at first, but there are times when I see a look come into Winter’s eyes I haven’t seen since her days in the military, and I’m not so sure ‘empty’ is the proper word. Of course she wouldn’t hold it against Yang if she didn’t want to go- really, neither of us could- but welcomed the company, and supposedly she admitted that she’s looking forward to seeing Yang in her dress again. It's both strange and fascinating to watch how quickly those jagged, rough edges from our childhood and beyond are melted away when Winter talks about Yang. I think 'smitten' is putting it lightly; I don't doubt Winter would fight the whole Atlesian army with one arm behind her back if Yang asked her to, and she'd do it with a smile. It's actually adorable and I never thought that would be an apt description for my little sister.

From Yang's take, I'm beginning to think this attraction goes much deeper for her. Not to say Winter's interest is purely superficial but it suddenly occurred to me that Yang never really showed much hesitation entering romantic relationships before or flirting with whoever caught her eye. She's dated before- and run the gambit as far as potential partners go- but the prospect of asking someone out or being asked out always seemed like no big deal. It might happen, it might not, but she didn't seem to concern herself with the outcome a great deal. Now, though? I swear, it's like she's worried the world might end if she makes the wrong move. Suddenly, every little thing she does matters, and it's stressing her out. On the one hand, I worry for my friend's health; it can't be good for her to continue worrying about how things might go. On the other... I'm a bit relieved she's taking this so seriously. Winter's rarely, if ever, spoken to me about her romantic leanings, seeing as the intimate nature of the conversation calls for... well, a closer relationship than we'd had for a few years. Now that we're actually talking about these little details, I can tell how serious she is about pursuing Yang, and knowing that an equal amount of care and consideration is being taken the other way around comforts me. However, Yang's sudden obtuseness and refusal to believe what's clear, plain as day in front of her face is vexing to the utmost degree.

Ruby's helped shed light on that. Apparently, I'm not in possession of all the facts regarding the sisters' upbringing. After Ruby's mother passed and Yang took over Ruby's care, their father shut down. I'd gleaned as much from their comments regarding their home life but I'd perhaps misjudged the duration; it seems quite clear that their father is still very upset over Yang's mother leaving him, as if he never truly healed from that loss even after all these years. In the back of their minds, the sisters have always wondered about the relationship between their father and Ruby's mother- if it was genuine love or merely a terrible coping mechanism- and that has made both of them reluctant to pursue anything serious in the romance department. It might be a fear of turning out like her mother holding Yang back or perhaps even taking after her father and falling into a deep depression if the relationship were to fail. Ruby's convinced it's just a phase, that Yang just needs a little more time before she'll come to the obvious conclusion that, yes, she likes Winter just as much as Winter likes her and they should give dating a chance.

The final bit of the puzzle is Penny, surprisingly enough. We talked a bit when I drove her over to Ruby's apartment, and she was very open and honest about how Winter's been acting when she thinks no one is looking. Penny hasn't expressed concern, per se, but she's noted that Winter will sometimes be caught up in her own thoughts, humming the tune to some high tempo song, though she usually frowns when she notices that's what she's doing, and often appears contemplative before resuming her humming. When I asked her what sort of songs Winter hums, she informed me rather bluntly that they're the kind Yang listens to- driving rock ballads with brash vocals. I'm not entirely sure what Winter does and doesn't tell Penny, so I opted to leave it at a comment on how I didn't think her musical tastes tended that way. At which point, Penny rather bluntly informed me that Winter had started listening to that sort of music because Yang did, and that probably had something to do with why she would frown from time to time about it; it probably made her think of Yang and miss her, because they don't spend nearly as much time together as Penny spends with Ruby or I spend with Blake.

Ultimately, the only logical conclusion I can draw is that I need to engineer more opportunities for Winter and Yang to interact, to help both of them get over themselves. Hopefully, with the gala just two short weeks away, I can provide plenty of excuses for just that. I'm sure they can sort through their respective issues together, in time. Absolutely.

July 10th- Dear Diary, I've orchestrated two more small gatherings. My intent is to have Blake assist me in providing Winter and Yang with plenty of one-on-one time. We'll see how it goes. Here's hoping for the best!

7 - 12

I. I gotta write this down. Fifty years from now, when I’m old and grey and can’t remember my name, I want to remember THIS NIGHT. Holy shit. Where do I start?

So, Weiss called me up a couple days ago saying she wanted to have a “game night” with Blake, Winter, and me- which, for one, surprising she didn’t invite Ruby, but Rubes is hanging with Penny so I GUESS I understand it, but even so- and I was like, sure, I’m game (I’m hilarious). Well, we get there tonight, and wouldn’t you know it, little Miss Frosty thought it would be a good idea to bust out Remnant: The Game. I INTRODUCED HER to this thing and she thinks she can beat me? AND she doesn’t bother inviting Ruby, the only person to give me hell over the years? Oh, it’s ON.

But it goes way beyond that. Because GUESS WHO starts off the night by mentioning how we’re all tragically at a disadvantage? Winter. Because of course the woman who served time in the military things she’d got the chops to play against ME.

So now I’ve already got my list of priority targets and a plan: put Blake between me and Winter, let them duke it out while I eliminate Weiss (safest bet since she always charges into a battle and never reinforces her back line) and then sweep Blake away in time to DESTROY Winter. It’s a matter of pride at this point; I ain’t gonna make it easy for her to use whatever tactical insight she might have over me to her advantage! I’ll go toe-to-toe with her at the end but I’m not about to get knocked down early!

The first few turns go exactly like I expect. Blake picks Menagerie (which, by the way, props to Weiss for getting the expansion, I really wish they’d include Menagerie in the base game) and Weiss goes for Mantle. I’ve got Vale and Winter picks Mistral- and I gotta ask her at some point to tell me some stories from there. She talks about it pretty fondly and soldiers get up to all sorts of mischief I can only dream of; she’s gotta have a few good ones. Anyway, I leave just enough of a weak point that Blake can’t resist cutting me off from Menagerie, but it also puts her squarely between me and Winter, so check THAT box. Meanwhile, I poked Weiss over in Mantle and she’s ready to make me pay. I’ve got enough good cards from my first few hands, so I’m building up my defenses in preparation for my strike.

And then Winter, this beautiful, wonderful, ridiculous woman sees RIGHT THROUGH ME and back doors her way into Vacuo, decimating the NPC defenses to establish a stronghold, completely letting Blake control the trade routes.

So, at this point, I’m impressed! But it takes more than that to beat YANG XIAO LONG at her own game!

The next few turns are pretty standard- except, like, Blake and Weiss started... HARDCORE FLIRTING. I’m not even kidding; I never thought I’d see ONE person I could describe as “thirsty as fuck but classy about it” much less TWO, but here I am, sitting front row to the “Weiss and Blake need to get a room wow” show. Winter didn’t seem to notice but, hey, I got EYES for this sort of stuff, I know when my friends are pining, and I sure AS HELL know when they REALLY want to make the first move but they’re too chicken shit. I decided to let them keep flirting; honestly, as long as they’re preoccupied with each other, they’re not giving me ABSOLUTE HELL which is pretty necessary after a few bad hands and a shit dice roll. Luckily, I’ve adjusted my defenses, so I’m ready if Winter strikes, but I think I’ll have to do the pragmatic thing and take Weiss out first. Between the two of them, Weiss is more likely to help her sis out even in a game, and I can’t fight a war on two fronts and succeed at this stage.

Then comes the moment of truth; I’ve just duked it out with Blake and we’re both weak, weak enough that Weiss COULD over extend and nearly wipe one of us from the board, and it’s an opportunity she’s NEVER passed up before. I’m ready to start cursing when Weiss goes AND ROUTS BLAKE! Like, it was BRUTAL! She ran herself thread bare just trying to reach the furthest spot BUT SHE DID IT. In one turn, Blake’s lost every territory she had, and she’s out of the game. 

But then it’s MY turn, and I hit on the three cards I needed, and Weiss spread herself WAY too thin. I’m in awe at my luck. I proceeded to absolutely STEAMROLL Weiss off the map, eliminating TWO PLAYERS in ONE TURN. Like. I’ve been playing this game FOR YEARS and I’ve never seen that!

So now it’s down to me and Winter. I honestly lost track of where Blake and Weiss went after that turn; they might’ve gone to the living room or something, I don’t know, because I am FOCUSED. Winter’s got a solid hold on Mistral and Vacuo, but I’ve got Menagerie, Mantle, AND Vale. Downside: I’m stretched thin. Not thin enough for me to be worried, but I know I’ll need to commit to a front. Winter’s pretty strong, all things considered, and I can’t bank on my perks to carry the game; I know I’ve only got two turns max before Winter’s gonna to cut through my lines like a hot knife through butter and wreck all my perks AND my supply lines.

And that was when I saw it. A side of Winter I hadn’t seen before. I got to see SOLDIER Winter, OFFICER Winter, the woman who’d held lives in her hands and made the tough calls and had to find a way to sleep at night with them.

Let me just say: I’ve never seen anything hotter. The pure focus, the grim determination, just how serious she was taking it- I might know that this is just a board game but I could see in her eyes that the miniatures on the board represented more than just plastic to her. For all the strength in her posture as she looked down at the game, I could see the cracks. Winter had only attacked the NPCs in Vacuo, which are almost impossible to NOT beat; now she’d be facing off against me, and it would be harder to come out of the fights without casualties.

And- she was RELUCTANT. Beneath the confidence and pride, there was a vulnerability. She didn’t want to lose, yeah, but more than that she didn’t want to lose her troops. Winter...  she CARED. About the little plastic figures, she really did, and when I pointed out as much, she brushed it off, but I could still see it. The way she picked up the dice like they were toxic and how she steeled her nerves.

When she looked at me right then, I was SO FUCKING GLAD I was sitting down because HOLY SHIT my knees went weak. This is a woman with cold fire in her veins, at once not wanting to burn but ready to incinerate, ready to do what she must but also obviously wishing she had another option. 

And suddenly, I GOT IT. Like, it all made sense- how she’d had a rough relationship with Weiss when they were younger, how the military helped her see the error of her ways, her attempts to reconnect with Weiss- everything about Winter clicked into place at that moment. She’s always seen herself as someone who wanted to do something, something more, but couldn’t find a way to accomplish it. So instead, she became devastatingly good at the things she NEVER WANTED TO DO. And now she’s at a point where she CAN go those other routes but SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW! But she’s tryin anyway, and that- I can’t even think of the words but it just, it gets me? Like, deep in my soul, I just resonate with that so much, with that burning desire to try even when you don’t know, to stumble through, but I at least am willing to fall flat on my face. Winter isn’t, at least not yet, but I think she just needs someone to show her it’s okay to stumble. Someone’s gonna be there to catch you.

So before we really got into it, I pointed out that it was really late and I have work early in the morning- which, for the record, isn’t a lie! I do have the early shift tomorrow! Then I suggested we call it a draw.

I’ve never seen anyone agree with me so quickly. Or look so relieved. I don’t think we should play Remnant: The Game again anytime soon; it’s obviously still too soon for Winter to be really entertaining stuff like that. But, damn, for what I saw tonight?

If I wasn’t already crushing so hard, I’d be worried my poor little heart would give out on me. There’s so many layers to her and every little peek just makes me want to see more! Weiss also invited us to a movie night later in the week; I’m dyin’ already to get to it!

I honestly didn’t think I could get this bad. And we’ve got that fancy party coming up! I wish I could bottle up this feeling and pull it out on rainy days. Nothing’s bringing me down any time soon!

20170715

I find myself motivated, putting pen to paper again, though for a much different reason than last time. I hope that looking back on my words might provide me with some sort of insight because, at present, I find myself too entirely possessed of a number of emotions to even begin processing them all.

Earlier this week, Weiss invited me to a game night, which seemed such a mundane and normal part of civilian life that I admittedly jumped at the opportunity. Little did I know, Yang would also be present, as well as Blake- the latter is a rather interesting character and seemed a touch intimidated when we spoke, though I’m not sure why. I’ll investigate more into that matter at a later point.

Anyway, throughout the game- a military strategy game; I should’ve expected such from my sister, rather than cards- I found myself consistently losing focus. I shouldn’t have chosen Mistral as a starting point. It made ascribing names to the figurines under my command far too easy, and with Terry’s recent transfer to Vacuo, I set myself up for a rather trying time. 

And I think... no, I’m sure Yang picked up on that. She’s perceptive- and clever, trying to set me up to take out Blake while she focused on Weiss, but that’s another matter- and she called an early end to the game before things got out of hand.

Now, I’m recently returned from a movie night among the same company and I’m... conflicted. It occurs to me that Yang is friendly, overtly so, and that her actions might just be those of a concerned acquaintance with perhaps a little first hand knowledge of the trials I face. But I find myself wanting to take them as something different, as a prospective partner trying to be supportive. It’s not fair to either of us, perhaps, but I can’t seem to stop myself from doing it.

I honestly can’t recall much of the movie. I’m sure Weiss meant well, opting for a storyline with action, but the military setting... it reminded me too much of the life I’ve left behind. The fact it was a “historical” representation of one of Atlas’ most famous battles also chaffed me raw; significant license was taken in many regards, and each inconsistency piled upon each other until I was fidgeting more than I was still.

But Yang noticed and put a hand on my arm, talked quietly so I had something else to focus on during the hard-to-watch scenes. She’s such an open and caring individual; I truly doubt I’ve ever done anything worthy of her presence in my life. Even as just a friend, I am more than grateful for her.

And I had the opportunity to repay the favor. I suppose I’m the only one she feels confident speaking with regarding her birth mother; she mentioned having a solid lead on a location for her again and a few of the reasons she can’t pursue it immediately. Although Blake seemed to be of a mind that she should leave the past alone, I encouraged her to seek her own closure. I even offered to accompany her.

I’m not entirely sure she’ll take me up on the offer but I believe I saw Yang’s eyes light up, shine in a manner that I’ve rarely seen. I assured her I would be able to get the time off from work with no trouble and that Penny can always stay with a friend while I’m gone.

I don’t know what possessed me to say all that, to make the offer in the first place- I’m not sure if I can actually get the time off or if I’d be comfortable leaving Penny alone. She’s improving by leaps and bounds since she met Ruby- and she’s apparently made new friends in a Pyrrha and Nora, who appear to be other friends of Ruby’s, and Weiss seems familiar enough to not be concerned- but I still feel confident I’d stand by the offer were she to take me up on it.

I’m a woman of meticulous planning. I calculated every step, even when unexpected obstacles appeared. My plans might’ve changed vastly in the past few years but that doesn’t mitigate the work I put into making those plans to begin with.

So how could I be moved to something so rash as a trip to the border? It would be at least a day’s journey by airship, perhaps warranting an overnight stay, and if Yang had said she was leaving tomorrow morning, I’d be packing a bag rather than writing all this out.

I fear that my feelings for Yang are getting the better of my judgment. More, I’m quite certain nothing ill will come of it, and for someone who sees the danger in everything, I’m aware enough to realize I may be making a grave mistake.

But this isn’t nearly as serious as I’m making it out to be, is it? Romantic entanglements, regardless of intensity or brevity, are ultimately a surmountable challenge, a wound that can heal with time if things go awry.

What I mean is: I think my affections for Yang may go deeper than I initially thought. And even if I’m destined for heartache... I think I’m okay with that.

I’m obviously not in my right mind. I’ll not be confessing my undying love anytime soon, of course.

But I will be packing an ‘A’ bag tonight. If Yang wants to go, I will support her, and I’ll be ready to support her if she opts to go alone.

More and more of my plans are involving Yang. So, too, do they involve Weiss and Penny.

Is this what it’s like to have a family?

July 19, 2017

This is just a post to say that I am extremely nervous Because it’s two days until the party and while Fire and Ice are dancing around each other even more than before, I’m also going with Princess, and she’s been unbearably sweet the last few weeks? I’m not even sure what’s going on anymore???

Even though she absolutely destroyed me in a board game last week. Like, absolutely wrecked me. But she wrecks me every time she smiles at me, so I guess it’s no surprise there!

Anyway, I might be scarce the next few days. Enjoy the queue in the meantime.

July 21st- Dear Diary, This is perhaps premature, but I’m about to finish my preparations for the gala. I’ve been texting Blake and it seems like she’s battling a last minute bout of nerves; she offered for us to run off to a movie theatre if I’d rather not have ice cream. I suppose that means our movie nights and little watch parties are rather enjoyable for her.

I hope tonight goes well. I think it’s rather apparent that Yang and Winter are getting closer; they seem to be confiding in each other more. Only a few more nudges and they’ll be together, I’m sure of it!

P.S. ... it’s too early to tell if this was a massive mistake or the best thing that could’ve happened. I think we all learned a lesson tonight... I also need to treat Blake to a dinner... and do something for Pyrrha and Nora...

Personally? I think I’m inclined to count tonight as a win regardless. But I should contact some lawyers just in case.

7 - 21

LET THE RECORD SHOW.

I FUCKED UP.

I REALLY FUCKED UP.

20170721

When I found Penny, I learned what the phrase ‘mother’s intuition’ truly meant.

When I finally reached out to Weiss, I learned what the phrase ‘unconditional love’ truly meant.

Today, I learned what the phrase ‘I am living’ meant, because there is no more apt a descriptor for this sensation.

I’m calling Yang first thing tomorrow morning. I’d hate for her to think I might be cross about the whole debacle. To be frank, I can’t stop smiling, even as I pen this. I will relish the look on Father’s face until my death bed, and even after.

And I need to thank Weiss for making this all possible. 

Right now, I’m going to drink a glass of wine to celebrate.

July 21, 2017

... I’m going to eventually make a longer post about tonight (yep, the party, just got back, though ‘escaped’ might be the better term) and you know... in my free time, I come up with as much fictional content as my fingers can produce... and if I’d read a description of tonight, I’d leave a comment about how the suspension of disbelief is a very real thing and the events portrayed completely destroyed it... but here I am, having seen with my own eyes... and I have to say...

... truth really is stranger than fiction.

July 22, 2017

Who wants the dirty details on last night? Check below the cut.

I just have to get this out. I swear, on all the fanfic I’ve ever produced, that what I’m about to describe actually happened. I know none of you are going to be inclined to believe it though. I’m still not sure I do.

So Princess’ party, the one where I was basically there to help babysit Ice and Fire. It was at this museum- because I guess that’s what the upper echelons of society think is cool, just milling around surrounded by ‘interesting’ things to make up for their emptiness; I might be a little bitter- but we arrived in grand style. Limousine, Princess escorting me while Ice escorted Fire, glasses of champagne and insincere inquiries into our health and such- if I believed for one second any of it was real, I might’ve been charmed. For all the boring small talk, standing beside Princess... I’m forced to admit there was a certain romantic quality to it.

Okay, before I go into the other stuff, allow me to gush first. Princess... I suppose it would be rather accurate to say I adopted the moniker for her at first to mock her. Then, it became something of a joke- a lighthearted tease. But last night, I swear, I am entirely sincere when I say she looked like a Princess. I could wax poetic about this for a while but I’ll try to tone my gay down a little. I dunno what it was but seeing her in such formal attire... the only regret I have is that she wore more makeup than usual. I’m not against a little foundation of course- and I... probably go a little overboard on the eyeliner and eye shadow- but it covered up her scar. Honestly, I think that is the one thing that encouraged me to get to know her, above all else; it hinted at something much deeper than what I took at face value. Aside from that, she just... carried herself differently. Regally, almost. I’ll admit, I prefer when she’s relaxed and casual- as much as she gets, anyway- but... I definitely see the appeal of her more formal posture. And, yes, for all those who asked: we did get to dance and I didn’t fall flat on my face. I mean, we spent most of it talking about Ice and Fire but... I noticed she danced much closer to me than Fire did when she was teaching me. And she felt so comfortable with me, like she was really enjoying it. That part? I couldn’t write something that magical.

Anyway, about an hour in, everyone’s moved past the polite part and the gossip machine is starting up. I think the whole cataclysm of events started with someone making a snide remark to Ice about her somewhat recent adoption of a child she’d found (I’ll admit I don’t have all the details but from what I understand it was an important turning point in Ice’s life that steered her back towards Princess and repairing their relationship as sisters) and that got Fire going. I may complain about her propensity to make puns and lewd jokes, but there’s this other side to it that people don’t really acknowledge much. You have to be extremely well versed in conversation and language to not only make those sort of jokes but to steer others into creating opportunities for you to do so; the people who best utilize it are also the ones who tend to make more puns and innuendos than any other, because they’re constantly aware of what’s being said and what lies beneath what’s being said. (A skill I am woefully lacking in, despite what you all might think; I’m certain there’s a sex joke in there that I can quite articulate but Fire certainly could. Without blushing.) With an opening created- and something of a single mother herself, considering her family- Fire went off in the classiest way, with the sweetest smile and keeping a tight lid on her anger. At first, at least.

And then Princess’ father decided to join the conversation. I’ll have tea with the devil before I subject myself to his company again. Honestly, after meeting him myself, it’s an absolute wonder anyone connected to him could have a scrap of a soul, with as black as his is. I’m just going to refer to him as Douchebag McMustache for the rest of this- I don’t really care about how long that is; the accuracy is more important to me. (And I did say it to his face, so it’s not like I’m being duplicitous.)

After Douchebag McMustache butts in, things start getting tense. Princess and Ice are cold towards him- and I mean below absolute zero. I’ve never seen either of them just... wall themselves off like that. It was terrifying, if I’m honest, because it didn’t sound the least bit like they weren’t used to it. I’m fairly certain that’s how they must’ve been for most of their lives, to everyone. Just... cold, biting, and bitter. Icebergs lingering in the dark, adrift at sea.

By that point, I... well, I was getting mad. Every word, every movement he made, all he did was cut down their accomplishments and make light of their triumphs. And all these mindless, rich, stuck up assholes just chortled right along with him, encouraging him even more to continue dragging them through the mud. I think it was when he pointed out Princess’ scar, how it must be so difficult for her to find a ‘respectable date’ given such a ‘horrific deformity’ that I snapped.

So, I did what any sane person would do in that situation. Douchebag McMustache is the CEO of a large corporation. I proceeded to list off every setback, every public affairs disaster, every little shred of doubt that might make an investor a bit nervous. And then I used his own words about me against him. He’s a racist bastard- that much I’d already known- but he decided to go the standard route of implying I must be of subpar intelligence purely because of the ears on my head. So, obviously, if someone as dumb as me can see how terribly the company is being managed, how their profits will be taking a sharp dive soon, how his ability to contain situations is severely lacking, then it’s bound to be known by the public, and then I proceeded to cite every single article and report to back up everything I’d said. I did my research before walking into that lion’s den; it took a few all nighters, but I have more than enough shade to throw on anyone who might’ve tried trading verbal barbs with me. When he accused me of trying to undermine the trust others might have in him, I admitted that I intended nothing of the sort. I just wouldn’t want to have any of my money tied up with him when those stock prices start falling, is all.

Because that’s how you get the attention of people like this. Physical harm, emotional scaring, environmental concerns- that doesn’t shake them, but mention how that pocketbook of theirs might suffer? Now you’ve got them by the balls.

I expected to get a few snide comments, some side looks, and maybe even a threat or two. I was ready for that. I don’t think Princess was- my reaction, at least, if nothing else- but... maybe it’s my optimism talking, but I swear, I think Weiss absolutely supported every word that came out of my mouth. You should’ve seen the way she looked at me then; it was more than gratitude it was... almost admiration? Perhaps something softer? The part of me that just wants to tell her that I might be falling in love with her wants to say that it was adoration and pride, but I think that’s reaching a bit too far.

Anyway, the moment it became obvious that the other guests were discreetly checking the articles themselves- and maybe even making arrangements to sell off their stocks- is when things really got out of hand. Douchebag McMustache doesn’t have the same calm, cold, steely resolve as his daughters; he got angry, and he said something absolutely disgusting that I won’t repeat. The basic gist: not only did he grievously insult his daughters, and their mother, but every woman out there, so add ‘misogynist’ to the list of ‘reasons this man is an absolute asshole’.

Now, one thing you must understand about Fire: she’s an extremely intelligent woman. She hides it sometimes beneath jokes and charm, but she’s keen. However, when it comes to almost anything, she’s more prone to acting on instinct and using her strength to her advantage.

So she absolutely walked straight up to Douchebag McMustache and said something to him- it was so low, not even I could pick it up. Whatever it was, it prompted him to take a swing at her.

And that was when he fucked up.

She decked him. Straight to the face, didn’t hold anything back, absolutely decked him. I heard the nose crunch and everything, watched him go flying back.

I’d like to say we stayed there and turned the whole party into a brawl. I’d really like to say that. But Ice immediately reacted, rushed over to Fire and told her to grab me and get the hell out of there. Which we did, because Princess is nothing less than thorough; she’d had an escape plan in place since the beginning. 

After we got picked up and whisked away, Fire... well... I think it hit her pretty hard that she just laid out the father of her crush. Don’t get me wrong! I really didn’t think Ice was upset with her over it last night, told her as much, and she called this morning to confirm as much! But, ya know. I’ve mentioned Fire’s always been concerned about having an anger management problem and things like this make her worried that she’s, I dunno, turning into some red eyed rage monster or something. 

I haven’t talked to Princess yet. I figure she’s going to be way too concerned about Ice and Fire to really

Well, speak of the devil. She’s calling me now. I’ll give all of you an update at some point.

July 22, 2017

I said I’d give you an update and here it is, fresh off the presses: I am very gay.

That is all. Stay tuned for more of me flailing while trying not to crush on my friend.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm Liveblog #14

UPDATE 14: Trigger Event

Last time I had finished Arc 3, and was about to start Arc 4! Turns out the Undersiders managed to pull off successfully the bank robbery and got away with minor injuries, the worst of them being a dislocated shoulder – which I’m told really can be fixed by pushing it back into the socket, but it hurts a lot. Arc 4 is titled ‘Shell’, and that tells me absolutely nothing about what its contents, so let’s start.

Taylor returned to school after...what, two days of not going and two days of leaving in the afternoon? Her grades must be awful by now. I’m almost 60% sure Taylor is going to leave without completing the school day. So, the setting is the school, and the very first line is spoken by the Brockton Bay Miss Congeniality Award Winner -- Emma. This arc is off to a potentially painful start, isn’t it?

Indeed, Emma has come to taunt Taylor and tell her nobody noticed her absence – which is true, not even the teachers seems to have noticed. Taylor tries to defend herself by acting blasé and shooting back a few jabs about Emma’s lack of maturity, content that if Emma was taking the time to do the old routine of scathing words and opening old wounds, then she wouldn’t have time to prepare the proverbial tar and feathers later. The fact that Mr. Wildbow conspired with his authorial fiat to make Emma be deliciously clueless about the events of this story makes this scene almost funny:

“Really, Taylor?  Tell me, what are you doing with yourself?  You’re not going to school, you have no friends, I doubt you’re working. Are you really in a position to call me immature, when I’ve got all that going for me and you just… don’t?”

If you knew, Emma...you know, somehow I’m not sure what Emma’s reaction would be if she ever finds out Taylor is a cape, or if she finds out Taylor is a supervillain who robs banks and threatens people with black widow spiders. I’m not sure if Emma would be surprised and wondering if she missed any hints, or if she’d be befuddled Taylor didn’t send swarms after her as revenge, or if she’d scoff and think ‘oh, of course Taylor is a criminal’. Maybe she won’t ever find out. For now there’s a strange feeling of satisfaction at knowing that Taylor is officially a budding villain and Emma is clueless about it.

Taylor laughs in Emma’s face, pretty much ending the scene, and scampers out of the classroom without a care in the world. Well this went better than it could have gone! It’s a relief, honestly. Taylor muses that she has been...curiously fine despite, you know, committing a felony the day before. The reasons why are simple: one, she went to school, breaking the pattern of skipping it. In fact, she just completed a whole day of school! I sincerely congratulate her for that. The other reason is that her recent actions aren’t in the front page of the newspaper. We made page three of the Bulletin, coming behind a one and a half page story on an Amber Alert and a General Motors advertisement. Given that having a big article describing her terror wouldn’t make her look like a heroic person, this must be great for her conscience. It also helps that those who are considered as ‘heroic people’ are getting bad publicity right now: All in all, the story had been more focused on the property damage, most of which was caused by Glory Girl and the Wards. Hmmmm...how did the other Undersiders react? Was any of them bummed about the lack of front-page recognition, or are they fine with being relegated to the third page? It doesn’t say – yet.

Now that Taylor spent a whole day in school, she’s in liberty of doing what she wants, so she goes to the Docks, but not to the Undersiders’ hideout. She’s going to a market. Alec, Brian and Lisa were there. No sign of Rachel, I guess it’s because committing crimes isn’t enough to forge bonds of camaraderie with the person you tried to mutilate less than a week ago.

Oh. There’s a different reason here. She’s well known enough that she’d catch someone’s eye, and from there, it’s only a short leap to figuring out who the people she’s hanging with are.” Huh...Brian is right about that. I hadn’t considered it...but I’m supposing Rachel likes it more this way. She’s not the most sociable person around, she may be fine with having to stay away from everyone’s eyes.

It also helps that this way Rachel is conveniently away from the way dogs are treated around here. A woman walks by, carrying a dog wearing a sweater. That’d be enough to make Rachel ballistic.

“The sweater. The dog being carried.  Rachel would be up in her face, telling that woman it’s not the way a dog should be treated.  Screaming at her, maybe threatening violence, if one of us didn’t step in to handle things.”  

Rachel is like a more extreme and rage-filled Cesar Millan. Somehow I have the feeling saying that would be a ticket to getting punched in the gut. To the surprise of no one, it’s said mistreatment of dogs is what would make Rachel be truly angry, which prompts Taylor to ask the big mystery of the day: “Has she killed anyone?” ...apparently she has! Honestly? I didn’t expect that. I thought that Rachel would be the big red herring here, that somehow she hadn’t caused any deaths, but turns out she has, even if it may be classified as ‘manslaughter’. I doubt Armsmaster cares about the distinction, so that’s one killer found. Which one could be the other...hmmmm...

Alec returned from the stall wearing a Kid Win shirt. Classy behavior, Alec. He must be feeling real proud of causing damages to Kid Win’s stuff. Next Alec will buy a skateboard painted like Kid Win’s hoverboard and use it to light up a bonfire, I guess.

Given that right now they’re spending money around, Taylor asks what’s going to happen now with their, hm, “job and payment”. “It’s just a matter of handing the cash over to the boss later tonight.” I had thought the boss would pick up the cash from where they had left it! Is Lisa going to hand it over in person? Nobody cares because they all trust the boss. Other than that, they’re free to do whatever they want until they have a new job to do.

I felt kind of conflicted about the ‘take it easy and wait’ plan.  On the one hand, taking a break sounded awesome.  The last week had been intense, to put it lightly. On the other hand, it sort of sucked that we wouldn’t be out there on another job, since I’d be waiting that much longer for a chance on getting more details on the boss.  I’d just have to hope I could find something out tonight.

Sorry, Taylor, there are...273 chapters left. You’re not finding something out tonight. Besides, the more she spends with the Undersiders, the less she'll want to betray them, I’m sure of it. They’re pretty much the only people willing to spend time with Taylor and be her friend, I doubt she’ll be in a hurry to tattle on them once she gets attached to them emotionally.

Lisa steals Taylor aside for a shopping trip, taking her aside and talking about what she’d buy. Is she faking her enthusiasm so she could take Taylor aside? This felt a bit forced to me. Anyways, that’s the end of the chapter. It was...largely uneventful. There’s not really much to comment there, however, there is something I was passed here by my screener, one of the comments in that chapter.

she’s spending so much time trying to figure out which of the others have killed; it’s going to turn out Lung didn’t make it, i’m betting.

It’d be a twist! But sadly it wouldn’t work, because if Taylor had caused Lung’s death, well, I don’t think Armsmaster would have been roundabout over it. Besides, he’d be punished much more than he was, right? And finally, the Undersiders would have heard something if the leader of this big gang in the Docks died. No, it can’t be Taylor. That’s good for her, the thought of someone dying because of her...that’d hit her hard. To the next chapter!

Lisa channels those TLC programs about what clothing people have, telling Taylor what her clothing says about her. It’s largely accurate.  “You’re observant, detail oriented and focused.  More than any of the others.  You watch, you interpret, and then you act with this careful, surgical precision. That’s a strength and a flaw.” Perfect! I agree. And you want to change it so everyday people are caught off-guard by Taylor’s personality? Not really, apparently.

“I don’t like lying to my dad.” ...there’s going to be a lot of lying, won’t there? From what I see of Mr. Hebert, I can’t say he’d approve of Taylor being one of the Undersiders. Lying to him or telling him and having to go against his will anyway...it’s like choosing the lesser evil, isn’t it?

Lisa proceeds to show the extent of her powers, informing Taylor of her theories. “At first I thought your dad was abusing you.” That’s...a bit of a nonchalant way of saying that, Lisa. Thankfully, Taylor doesn’t react to that. Lisa theorizes that what bothers Taylor the most is at school, and this has been a topic of discussion with Brian and Alec. “I could help make the suckish parts suck less,” she offered.

...

...

...that’d be...I’m not sure if it’d be great or not. My initial thought is “oh, please, go ahead!” but this would cause all sorts of trouble, wouldn’t it? Those bullies would back off, but people can be insidious. Things can get worse. Lisa could risk being accused of something. Taylor could get interrogated about the strange friend who pranced into the school and confronted a few people. This could go wrong in many ways, I think...

“Having me try on clothes is fine,” I told her, doing my level best to keep my voice calm, “But you interfere directly in my problems, and I’m gone.” I can always appreciate somebody who wants to keep both sides of life apart. The smallest leak can lead to Taylor being found out, after all. They discuss the clothes Taylor is going to buy, Lisa is paying for it all. “A bribe in exchange for your silence,” Lisa winked at me. Keeping silent about offering to solve Taylor’s problems, you mean?

Apparently not. This is about how badly Lisa managed to screw up, about Panacea being in the bank. Looks like the rest of the band didn’t find out she was there. It’s less about they doubting her skills, and more about they being teenagers. They wouldn’t let her live it down. Hah! Lisa reiterates that she’s willing to intervene in Taylor’s life whenever she wants. Hmm...foreshadowing? A simple gesture of friendship to further the characterization or Mr. Wildbow setting things up for Lisa taking action in the problems if Taylor’s life? I’m not sure. Or it could be nothing, and I’m clinging to this for nothing. What can I say, I love mysteries, I tend to focus on anything that can hint something happening later in a book.

Once the shopping is done, they all reunite at Fugly Bob’s, where the food is so greasy paper bags turn transparent and there are foods like ‘Hideous Bob’. Anyone with any sense then waited a year to give their hearts a chance to recuperate. Really now. I think my brand marketer heart is the one that needs to recuperate. I literally shuddered. Thank goodness this is fiction!

Taylor inquires what’s going to happen later. Any other crimes to commit anytime soon? Taylor hopes it’ll be less intense, with less confrontation with capes. Taylor doesn’t want to risk dismemberment. Nothing is said, so I guess there’s no plan for the foreseeable future. They continue eating a while longer before Taylor decides this is a grand time to ask for an infodump. “I know it’s kind of cliche, but when people with powers get together, isn’t it kind of standard to share origin stories?” Please do, guys! I’m interested in hearing everyone’s backstories. Judging by everyone’s reactions, there aren’t happy memories at all. That’s the end of the chapter. Will there be answers the next chapter? I hope there are.

Hello there, I finished the update and decided to add this caveat. Fair warning, since things got heavy, I wasn’t exactly in mood to joke around or anything like that. Sorry, things are getting tough here.

So yes, next chapter. It starts in a promising way: “Let me put it this way.  When you got your powers, were you having a good day?” Taylor says ‘no’. Looks like getting powers isn’t done through happy thoughts. There are many with the potential to have powers, but only someone who has been pushed far enough will acquire them – and not always, I suppose. Would I be correct to suppose that Taylor’s awakening of her powers was a byproduct of her bullying? Some would think that it’d be her mother’s death, but...I don’t know, the way Taylor has to reign in her powers – like shown in the first chapter – shows a link between anger and her powers, instead of sorrow.

Nobody tells their backstories, but Taylor wants to tell hers. Well that’s nice. I’m a bit disappointed I won’t hear the backstories for the rest of the Undersiders yet, but there’s a lot of Worm left. There’s time for that. So, Taylor, how did you acquire these powers of yours? The people I’m talking about… I don’t want you to take revenge on them on my behalf or anything. Looks like my guess was accurate.

“I guess I feel that if you guys jumped in and beat them up or humiliated them or made them tearfully apologize, I wouldn’t feel like I’d dealt with things myself. There wouldn’t be any closure.”

Judging by how you’re going to stoically endure it, there won’t be any closure at all unless you move away from them. It says a lot of Taylor’s inner strength, I guess. So, Taylor starts talking. She starts by telling there were three girls making her life miserable, and that her worst moment happened at a time those three stopped. During that time, one of the girls that sometimes joined in taunting Taylor apologized and turned into her friend – and now I’m afraid of reading anything else, because I’m already guessing where this is going. I can’t say I have ever experienced something like this from any side, but false friends are a bit of a touchy point for me. Tough luck, me, you’re going to read this.

...wow. This is actually worse than I had expected. I heard Mr. Wildbow got inspirations of moments that did happen to people he knew. I can only say that if this is copied verbatim from one of those moments...I hope the person who went through this is okay and is happy right now. So, to describe it in few words: the bullies filled Taylor’s locker with used tampons and pads, left it in there for two weeks, and locked her inside. No wonder this is one of Taylor’s worst days ever!

Gaining this new power was very disorienting at first, like having a whole new sense – which is pretty much what this was. Suddenly Taylor could feel the bugs’ location, what they were seeing, and it was all very confusing. Taylor was taken to the hospital and while she was under observation, she pinpointed what was going on in her head. And that’s how she got her powers. Oh, that friend? She simply didn’t talk to Taylor again. And that’s Taylor’s trigger event. Highly unpleasant. This is grim, really.

Alec says what I’m sure a lot of people have thought or said while reading Worm: “Why don’t you use your power?” And he isn’t happy with Taylor’s response about how it’d be easy to guess it was Taylor doing it – they would have no proof, in my opinion – so he insists. Brian...he sides with Alec on this, and Lisa says nothing. Looks like even the characters in this story have a hard time wrapping their heads around Taylor’s refusal to fight back.

Alec wants to give crabs to the capes they encounter and is disappointed with Taylor refuses. I’m not sure what to do with this information, hah!

So, Taylor explains why she refuses to do anything, and it’s because it’d enter into this complicated Ouroboros of constant retaliation. Bullies suffer lice, they get frustrated, they torment Taylor further, Bullies suffer even more lice, they get even more frustrated, they torment Taylor ever more...and so and so, until somebody gets hurt. Paraphrasing. Taylor has repressed a lot of anger, too, so she knows her own limits and that if she lets her anger take over her, she won’t contain herself for much longer. All in all, it really is a show of Taylor’s strength, if anything for other people’s sake. She may be angry, but she isn’t angry enough to actually try to make other people suffer.

Lisa leaned forward, “Tell me it wouldn’t be awesome if we kidnapped their leader, pulled a hood over her head, dragged her into a van and dropped her off in the woods at midnight, ten miles out of town, with nothing but her skivvies.”

Honestly, Lisa? Hell no, it isn’t awesome. I’m all for revenges -- honestly I have a bit of a vindictive streak, I admit it – but that’s too far, isn’t it? Lisa disappoints me a bit by smiling at the mental image, but in the end she refuses to acknowledge it, saying it indeed would go too far.

“Then why the fuck are you a supervillain?”

“Escape.” The word left my mouth almost immediately, before I’d had a chance to even think about what it meant.

Escape from her everyday life of school bullying, you mean? Blowing off some steam and frustration? It’s not entirely wrong, Taylor herself admits it.  All she wants is to keep these two lives separate and spend time with friends. “Yes, Taylor, we’re friends,” Brian said, “And we appreciate, or at least, I appreciate that you trusted us enough to share your story.” Alright! It’s official! Taylor, you’re definitely not going to betray the Undersiders now that Brian said this. Guess you’re a villain from now on! Have fun.

Now that Taylor shared her story, it’s somebody else’s turn, but nobody wants. Alec doesn’t bother to say a thing, and Lisa simply says she’ll tell once she had a few drinks, but she’s still underage. Golly, how about that, haha! I always find it a bit amusing when seasoned criminals are concerned about comparatively minor offenses. The supervillain refuses to indulge in underage drinking! Man I love that trope; too bad I don’t read see it very often.

Since nobody wants to share, Brian decides he was going to be the one to bring up the exposition now. Great! I know pretty much nothing about Brian, this should be a chance to see his past, what kind of life he had before being a supervillain...hmm...something I noted is that the powers and the trigger events themselves have no link, at least in Taylor’s case, so I can’t guess what Brian went through that caused him to acquire powers. What’s for sure is that it was very bad. How bad...that remains to be seen next time.

Next update: five updates

[movietvtechgeeks]

Latest story from https://movietvtechgeeks.com/supernatural-winchester-brothers-somewhere-heaven-hell/

'Supernatural' Winchester brothers somewhere between heaven and hell

Last week’s episode of Supernatural had something that never fails to make me a very happy fan indeed:  The Winchesters listening to each other and trusting each other and telling each other the truth. THANK YOU, SHOW! (And writer Davy Perez). That alone is enough to make a good episode imho. But actually, there was one more thing that will always make me happy – Winchesters in glasses. Is it hot in here? So let’s talk about what I liked first, and then I’ll get to the things that didn’t quite work for me. I really really loved that last conversation between Sam and Dean, where Sam comes clean about working with the BMoL and Dean, instead of flying off the handle and feeling threatened and betrayed and thus shutting down, instead hears Sam out and they come to an agreement. Dean isn’t anywhere near trusting them – and I don’t think Sam is either – but the brothers are on the same page about cautiously taking what they can from the BMoL while still retaining their independence as hunters. How easy that will be I’m not at all sure, but the important thing is that the brothers are together in the decision. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved Sam more than when he steeled himself and told his brother the truth. Sam: Either way, I shouldn’t have lied to you, and I’m sorry, man. Dean: (not walking away or even looking away) Well, okay. What do you want me to say? Do I like it? No. Do I trust them? Hell no. But you’re right. And Sam, in return, waits to pick up the next call from the BMoL until Dean gives him the go ahead. That conversation, and its upshot, are emblematic of where the brothers are this season. It’s because Dean feels some sense of security in his relationship with his brother that he’s able to not run away or panic, as he would have in other seasons. He knows Sam isn’t going anywhere; as much as he told Sam to pick a side, I think he knows that Sam will always choose Dean. In fact, Dean’s comfort with telling Sam to pick a side in the first place is indicative of that sense of security. And I LOVE that. With all they’ve been through, I hope they know what we as viewers know – they will always pick each other. [caption id="attachment_43830" align="aligncenter" width="600"] Caps by @S_Verasini[/caption] I loved their brotherly banter throughout the episode too, from Sam’s disgust over Dean’s post-hunt skeeviness to knowing how many boxers Dean brought and just how dirty they are, inside out or not, to their playful jostling over whether to tell Gwen the truth about what happened. Dean: Trying to make you feel better. It was his idea. Sam: eye roll I will never not love a glimpse of domestic Winchesters, so Dean threatening to use the fancy shampoo that Sam (tries to) keep hidden from him was much appreciated. And Dean not wanting to let Sam drive, that was a nice piece of continuity, hearkening back over all twelve seasons. I also loved Crowley’s arc in this episode. I may have leaped up off my sofa when he ended up outsmarting Lucifer after all – in part because go Crowley and in part because I love love love when Show can still surprise me! Mark Pellegrino and Mark Sheppard remain absolutely delicious together, every scene crackling. Including Lucifer in a bridle, which necessitated his comment of ‘kinky.’ I mean, what else could he say? I also love that Crowley’s relationship with the Winchesters and Castiel continues to evolve. Dean and Crowley teaming up again (shades of their epic bromance a few seasons back!) was wonderful – pretty sure Crowley thought Dean looked as hot in those hellhound glasses as the rest of us did. Their conversation was just the right amount of snark and ribbing. Dean: Maybe I’ve rubbed off on you. Crowley: Maybe I’ve rubbed off all over you. Not entirely the same thing, Crowley. I may have laughed out loud. But there’s also truth underneath – and Dean’s thank you for saving Cas was clearly heartfelt, even if Dean himself is still too smart to entirely trust the King of Hell. And then we get Sam’s thank you to Crowley too, with the brothers once again on the same page. This was a big move forward in Crowley’s story – but of course, Sam and Dean don’t know that Crowley isn’t telling them that Lucifer isn’t actually in the cage.  Or that he has ‘big plans’ for the imprisoned-in-his-lovely-Mark-Pellegrino-vessel Lucifer. What are you up to, Crowley? I can’t wait to find out! I also liked the guest stars, including Kelvin the angel (Nathan Mitchell) teaming up with Cas (though he needs some coaching on how to pronounce Castiel). Castiel’s  story arc also took a surprising turn in this episode, as Kelvin urges him to come back ‘home.' To Heaven. He makes a compelling case, and Cas makes the surprising decision to go hear Joshua out – without telling the Winchesters. I feel for Cas, never truly at home, always feeling like an outsider no matter how often the Winchesters assure him that he’s family. I don’t blame him for wanting to hear Heaven out, but I also don’t trust the angels, not even one who seems nice enough like Kelvin. I loved the character of Gwen (Angelique Rivera, who did a great job), an obvious parallel for Sam – smart, courageous, determined – so that when she talked about lying to the person she’s closest to, both Sam and the viewers knew that this was a parallel for Sam and Dean. Gwen: Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? But I didn’t. I lied to make things easier. We find out in the last scene that Sam heard her – and stopped lying to his brother. I particularly loved that she kicked the Winchesters out of her house when they insulted her intelligence by trying to tell her that Marcus was killed by a bear. Their “you’ve been through a lot, sometimes the mind plays tricks on you…’ sounded way too much like ‘stop being a hysterical female,' and I loved that she wasn’t having it. Kudos, Davy! Other things I liked?  Dean’s small soft smile when koalas are mentioned. I’m guessing that was Jensen, and I loved it. Gifs please, fandom! The final showdown with the renegade hellhound was beautifully filmed by Serge Ladouceur and directed by Nina Lopez-Corrado, who did the hellhounds justice throughout the episode. They could so easily be cheesy, but Nina never lets that happen. She did a fabulous job of amping up the suspense every time we saw things through ‘hellhound vision’, especially as Sam and Dean meet with Gwen and Ramsey is watching the whole thing. I had goosebumps! Seeing the hellhound through the lens of Sam’s glasses on the ground was brilliant! And I love that Gwen saved Sam using the iconic green cooler and that Sam ended up killing the hellhound blind. We’re getting a lot of Sam F—king Winchester this season! I didn’t love everything about the episode, though the quibbles are pretty minor. As much as I enjoyed Sam ribbing Dean about needing a shower, Dean is usually more of a neat freak, and he hates having ‘fluids’ all over him. I’m not sure he would have been so blasé about being covered in monster guts, or so gleeful about it, let alone flicking it all over the room. I guess maybe he just wanted to gross Sam out, but it didn’t seem entirely Dean. And while I usually love love love the meta episodes, I think I love them more when they’re just that – episodes. This episode infused some in-jokes and meta comments throughout, which sometimes jarred me. Give me an entire meta episode ala Robbie Thompson, and I’ll eat it up with a spoon, Show! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love The Walking Dead crossover as Dean comes in swinging Lucille – and commenting that his dad loved it -  perfect shout out to Jeffrey Dean Morgan. But it did throw me out of the story for a minute. And were the Queen of England references a GISHWHES shout out to Misha?? Also, I don’t understand why Sam keeps giving the BMoL so much credit. THEY killed the Alpha Vamp? Umm Sam, pretty sure that was YOU!  Unless he just wanted to convince Dean to work with them, but I’d really like to see someone give Sam the credit he deserves for saving the day like that. Including Sam himself! So where is the Colt now? Does Dean know it’s back in play? What will Cas decide about Heaven, and what does it want with him? What are Crowley’s big plans for Lucifer, and how will they affect the rest of the world? And who are the ‘old men’ pulling the BMoL’s strings?? So many questions going forward, but with Supernatural, that’s usually a good thing. The episode was aptly titled, and I think implies more than we know right now – where is Heaven in this big board game? And where is hell, with Crowley once again truly in power and able to make changes. Are the BMoL aligned with either, or a separate force to be reckoned with? That leaves the Winchesters perhaps truly between Heaven and Hell. And, if Supernatural plays out as it always has, the only ones who can save the poor humans caught in the crossfire. Check out next week's Supernatural Ladies Drink Free above.

Movie TV Tech Geeks News

[berrychanx]

I'm sad that he never found out about 🙀 ichigo in any of the anime. Or even Petit Mew Mew. That would have been a funny moment

Do you think Aoyama kun knew at the time that Ichigo was in fact the cat he saved? If so... That's very scandalous 🤭 frickin offering to bathe with her.

If not, do you think he ever found out later?

Did he know when he first brought her home as a cat? I don’t think so — I mean, how could he? Maybe he suspected something was up subconsciously when he dreamed about her when they were in bed together.

While I headcanon that Masaya suspected Ichigo was Mew Ichigo almost immediately, I’m not sure he would have made the connection to a literal cat.

Did he find out about her cat form later? Absolutely, it’s canon that he did!