#the fact that I analyzed things this much isn’t saying great things

[amongaesthetics]

I’ve found a super secret way to deal with RSD.

I used to feel like I was being annoying and that people only felt obligated to hang out with me, like they didn’t actually want to be friends with me. But, with “Screw It (RSD Version)” I just… text how often I want to, even just to say hi. With “Screw It” I realized there’s… not really a reason to consistently be texting or inviting someone you don’t like to hang out.

Even if it just sounds like they’re being polite in inviting you (“oh we’re going to the mall. You can come, if you want”) it isn’t necessarily saying they don’t really want you there. It’s actually a pretty basic “getting to know a friend group” activity? Like, if that’s the only way you’re invited to things, you don’t see them doing the same to others, and nobody’s talking to you outside of it, then maybe you’d be right. If you ask a favor or a slight delay in leave time and they refuse for obviously stupid reasons compared to you being able to go with them, then yeah, maybe think about it.

But people will stop courtesy inviting you if they know you’ll say yes AND they really don’t want you. So say “Screw It”, and go to figure out the vibes of the person/group you’re hanging with.

[avelera]

To add onto your point about Viktor pushing people away I think this is shown a lot through his interactions with Sky. When they first meet as kids she clearly takes interest and wants to talk but he looks down to gesture to his boat when she is called away. He believes that it is his destiny to be lonely. Shortly after when meeting Singed, Singed asks “why aren’t you playing with the other kids,” and Viktor steps out from behind a rock to show him his leg. Singed’s response is a double edged sword because he says that “loneliness is often a byproduct of a gifted mind,” on one hand he is calling Viktor intelligent and implying that his disability isn’t what makes him lonely, however Singed still essentially reinforces the idea that Viktor is inherently going to be lonely because of his mind.

Later (in life, technically it’s earlier in the show) she flirts with him and he surprisingly refers to her by her last name only despite knowing each other for so long. This act pushes her away, especially at a time when he probably did need to ask for help as he had just coughed up blood earlier in the episode and passes out not long after she leaves. While I do not think he harbors any romantic feelings for Sky both the way she shows interest with him as a kid and as an adult proves Singed wrong. She doesn’t find his intelligence isolating, she admires him for it and wants to get closer but Viktor has put up a wall because he’s already internalized that loneliness is a byproduct of his existence.

She also does not even hesitate to try pull him off the hexcore when she has no idea what it is.

Viktor is often shown with themes of loneliness but it is contrasted with the fact that he is constantly around people that would move heaven and earth for him if he asked. This really shows that the internalized loneliness that makes him push people away and refuse to be selfish is also tragic because he and Singed are wrong. He does face a more difficult time being a disabled zaunite in Piltover for sure, but pushing out those who wish to be close is a fate he curated himself since he believes it’s how it has to be.

I think you said it very well!

One thing I love about having the full Arcane story with S2 is that we can really dig deep and analyze who these characters are now.

I'd argue Viktor came across as pretty... flaw-free in S1. He's still complex, but most of the problems he faces seem to come from issues outside his control, like his disability and his terminal illness.

I think S2 brought into focus what Viktor's flaws are, including his intellectual tunnel vision and, as you noted, his tendency to think himself lonely when he is the one constantly pushing people away, perhaps as a result of that awful line Singed fed him when he was a kid. (Silco and Singed are both great examples of damaged adults trying to help the children in their life, teaching them the lessons they learned, but in so doing scarring those children with their own issues and pain because their situations actually aren't parallels.)

So much of what Viktor does in S2 revolves around loneliness. Normally, I think such loneliness plots would be about someone finding love for the first time, or learning to love themselves despite it. But the strength and quality of Viktor's loneliness story, what I think brings it closer to a more realistic story, is that it takes two to tango. He's projecting rejection onto others like Jayce that isn't there. He's thinking he needs to isolate himself and even as a child to play alone, even though Sky was right there taking an interest. He was just too obsessed with his work (admittedly, work that would save him from a terminal illness so like, I feel him on this) to see that he was letting the life he had pass him by, or that there were people trying to help him, who were actively helping him if he just looked around.

He does it in 2.02 to Jayce too, by the way. Regardless of Hexcore influence, he chooses "the Mission" of securing a legacy over the friend who is right here beside him, offering help, who has come back to Viktor after Viktor chastised him for leaving his side. Jayce listened and he's back now, but Viktor is now so consumed by guilt of the other person he ignored that he's missing the loved one he's ignoring right now.

Viktor then builds this commune of people that sure as hell looks like a wall he's building against loneliness. He speaks with their voices, they are of one mind, they share their emotions, and yet Viktor still self-isolates there, spending his time with the hallucination of Sky, set apart from the other cultists in his giant bubble on the hill, making them look up to him like angels singing praises to God. And that too is lonely. It's not true connection. And by making everyone into One, it's still loneliness, it's still his old patterns. Combining everyone into one person with one will so they can never leave you (no one is ever shown leaving the commune, btw, all foot traffic flows inward) still ends up with him alone in the homogenous soup of everyone he turned into him.

Wizard Viktor is another example of this behavior, the ultimate conclusion of it, why he needs Jayce to get through to him. Only Jayce can show Viktor that his loneliness is in his own head, it's a product of his own behavior, he is pushing people away and ignoring them and then being upset when they're not there, and then when they come back he pushes them away again in favor of "the mission" in favor of "legacy", and even if it's in favor of finding a cure for himself, he pushes away people who are trying to help him with that. And he doesn't let Jayce in on the fact he's dying which is another example of not letting people who love him help him with his most important mission of saving his own life.

This is getting way too long lol but ok:

TL;DR One of Viktor's flaws is self-imposed loneliness that still makes him lash out at others and ultimately leads to some of his most heinous crimes like the assimilation of the cultists and attempt to make everyone into One Being, which is still the same behavior of self isolation, and that's why only Jayce can get through to him that he was loved the whole time and he's only lonely because he keeps ignoring his loved ones and pushing them away.

[generalsdiary]

Ratio and Aventurine are Sherlock and Watson coded but not in the way you think. Where one might assume Ratio would be Sherlock because of his intellect and analytic approach to life and the comments he makes, allow me to switch the perspective. Aventurine is an addict. To what? To feeling like shit and endorsing it, to having low self-esteem, to rejecting everyone in a way so no one gets too close and realizes how vulnerable he is, how much he yearns for love. He hid it away so well that he himself isn’t aware anymore of how much he wants it. to be loved, appreciated, and seen as more than just his luck- much like Ratio wants to be seen for more than just his achievements (poor man ain’t aware of how much he wants it either). Aventurine plays this perfect little role of a charismatic, lucky, fun-to-be-around persona. And that’s all it is, a play, a stage act.

let us switch gears back to Sherlock and John. Sherlock is also an addict, depending on at which point in the timeline, it is nicotine, drugs, crime cases, and similar. Here is where the point lies. Who is the one that pulls Sherlock out of that shit, out of the drug den, to hide his cigarettes away? John. We think Sherlock functions fine… before John, sure. After John, after Mary dies; oh no, Sherlock is not well without him. He can barely function, (yes, Mary’s death comes also in account here, but I won’t get sidetracked), living in a mess, doing drugs again, smoking, treating himself like shit and like he is worthless. So, who reminds Sherlock of his worth, of his genius, of the fact that he is human and not just a performance act that he puts on of deducting others? John. Both Sherlock and Aventurine throw these spectacles, these performances, these acts of a grand image, they play it and they dance to the song that others sing, moving to the melody that strangers decide; playing into whatever image that is painted of them no matter how untrue it is, ex. Aventurine will play a gambling alcoholic as much as you wish although he is more than that, and Sherlock will play the killer, the crazy ‘psychopath’ that kidnapped those kids and poisoned them, and he is also more than that. The difference is that Sherlock performs his knowledge and analytic skills, unlike Aventurine who keeps those cards close to his chest- that is how he survives, that is how he survived, his instinct, his trauma making him aware of a lot of things in his surroundings and aware of everyone else; carefully analyzing everyone to ensure his safety. Aventurine is better with his tongue, knowing what to say and when to say it, with much better people skills- that is what got him this far after all; so, he performs with flashy promises, with fun games- gambling with his own life because what is it worth to him anyway anymore? it circles back to his ‘the only survivor trauma’. Sherlock was ready to gamble his own life (S1E1) and who stopped him? John. Well, more like who saved him. The drug addiction that Sherlock has is a bit downplayed and it always ends fast within the episodes, but in its own way, it is also his gamble, him not valuing his life as much as he should.

yes, in a way Ratio and Aventurine can both be Sherlock. But it is not about Sherlock, as much as it is about Watson. And exactly what Watson brings to the table, to their relationship. In the case of Johnlock, Ratio is very much Watson. The one to tell Aventurine his life matters, the one to go along with his plan of deceiving Sunday- because Aventurine had this great plan, a huge gamble. sound familiar? The usual thing about Sherlock with big plans, ex. exposing Mary after getting shot, going to Magnussen’s to sell Mycroft’s PC. And who follows along even when they don’t agree? John.

to take into account Johnlock in the later episodes/at least the second season, when they are closer- we are brought up to speed on where Aventio are. it is a well known fact that Aventio knew each other before the first scene in the hotel of them interacting. So, they have a history, and their period of getting familiar is over. They know each other. we only see John openly criticizing Sherlock later in the series, be it insulting him or calling him out on his bullshit. The same thing happens with Aventio, where Ratio is the one to openly state his thoughts and criticize. While yes, one may argue that that is in Ratio’s character to behave as such, if we recall the scene between Ratio and the MC, he doesn’t behave that way if unprovoked. And Aventurine wasn’t provoking him, hence the conclusion. As much as Ratio seems like the black sheep here, the odd one out (which he is don’t get me wrong), in this perspective it is Aventurine who is that. and yes, Ratio walks on eggshells around him, apologizing for his harsh words. these two aren’t the perfect puzzle pieces for Johnlock, they do differ in the way they walk in public and who leads the way, and of course the point of this isn’t to make them overlap, but to draw parallels. And while writing this, truly a lot of opposing things came to mind, where both couples differ in such vast ways, all four being complex, rich characters- it pained me that Aventurine and Veritas would be compared to Sherlock and John only in the way that the “genius” matched the “genius”. smh.

Now the way Ratio is Sherlock is very simple, he doesn’t consider himself human- more like, doesn’t allow himself to be human, to feel, to connect, to breathe; when he is too much of a human – and the main reason he wasn’t accepted into the genius society. Poor Ratio, cursed because he wants to help and spread knowledge, what a mean fate struck upon the burned out gifted autistic asexual kid. To switch to Sherlock (also very autistic asexual coded), he is the most human out of them all, (I believe Eurus calls him that but I don’t recall the exact quote, also pointed out by Mrs. Hudson, John, and Mycroft), trying to be this analytical machine when his caring bleeds through his skin, evaporating through his pores, his love for John and so many others making him pull himself apart and do anything to protect them, ex. killing Magnussen, giving himself to Smith to a guaranteed death, faking his own suicide to protect Lestrade, John, and Mrs. Hudson. Sherlock who, much like Ratio, wishes to be strict in his way of life, but cannot help wanting to explain and help others, and Ratio here differs by wanting to help everyone improve while Sherlock is willing to help only after the person has shown some amount of will, intelligence, proved themselves in some way (Irene Adler) or he so rarely happened to like them (ex. the kid that was at Mary’s wedding). Although, their shared way of calling others around them idiots is neat. I’d say this is their main connection and outside of it they are extremely different characters, which is why further comparison is pointless and shallow if you just want to compare characters because they are quote on quote the clever one.

Case in point, Aventurine is Sherlock because Ratio is John, and the one that saves him. The one that grounds him, and Aventurine NEEDS him. He needs Veritas. And Sherlock needs John. Therefore, Aventurine isn’t Sherlock without Ratio, much like there is no Sherlock (be it books, movies, or the show) without John. It is more about the relationships between them than the actual characters, and that, honestly, makes it even more beautiful.

[kikyoupdates]

Tears of a Villainess ⭑˚🗡️⭑ 𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑦

yandere!ocs x reader

yandere, reverse harem, isekai, original characters x fem!reader, slowburn, slowburn yandere

Reincarnation isn't as great as it sounds, especially when you've been reborn as none other than the villainess. Fated to die if you stand in the heroine's way, you immediately resolve to distance yourself from the plot. As long as you have nothing to do with any of the relevant characters, surely, you'll be able to avoid an untimely death. But in a horrible turn of events, the heroine ends up wanting to get close to you. Are you really doomed to meet the villainess' tragic end? Or is there an even more sinister fate that awaits you?

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Man. Am I seriously going to have to reject another guy from the same family? 

You blink tiredly, not even bothering to hide your lack of enthusiasm. Rowan grips your hand tight and faces you with a bright, expectant gaze, still down on one knee. Fiona’s been trying her hardest to retain her composure, but you can hear her squealing excitedly in the background. 

To put it simply, there’s a lot happening right now. Certainly not how you envisioned your day going. 

Well, alright, then. Better to get this over with as quickly as possible.

“Sorry, but no,” you say, and you watch as Rowan’s eyes go wide from shock. “This is very abrupt, first of all. And I already mentioned that I’ve been recovering from illness, so now isn’t an appropriate time to be having this discussion. You can’t just spring something like this on me. Also, I didn’t get to finish my apple juice earlier because you decided to trespass all of a sudden.” 

Rowan furrows his brows, but he doesn’t stand up right away, nor does he let go of your hand. 

“You won’t marry me?” he frowns. “You didn’t even take a moment to properly think it through. I apologize for startling you, but if you just give me a fair chance, I’d be happy to prove what a fitting partner I would be. I believe I’m a suitable candidate, and I’m confident that your parents would approve of our union.” 

…shit. 

Come to think of it, that’s right. You already told your dad that you would be fine getting engaged to pretty much anyone other than Alistair. Rowan has a point in saying that your parents would likely be on board. They may dote on you tirelessly, and you’re spoiled as can be, but they still have a few basic expectations, and one of those is that you marry a wealthy, respectable man. 

Since Rowan is Alistair’s cousin, they share the same household name and prestige. In fact, your parents might jump on this opportunity in an effort to try and mend ties with the Calderwood family. You’re not sure how you’ll be able to get out of this one. 

Then again… do you really have to? 

You take a moment to think about it. Officially, Rowan had nothing to do with the plot of the game or any of the villainess’ bad endings. He didn’t fall for the heroine, nor did he ever interact with her, as far as you remember. He’s a side character. Even less than a side character, perhaps, because his character doesn’t tie into the progression of the storyline whatsoever. 

Even if you agree to get engaged to him, it’s unlikely that anything bad would happen. The only reason you’re so hesitant is because he’s related to Alistair, but why should it matter to him if you end up marrying his cousin? You’re still not following the plot of the game, and you’re not interfering with his love life either. 

You know that most of your concerns may be rather unfounded, and a lot of that is due to simple paranoia. If you break things down and analyze them rationally, getting engaged to Rowan carries little to no risk. It’s certainly not a death sentence. 

Unfortunately, there’s another issue.

You just don’t like this dude. 

He gives off a bad vibe. The fact that he waltzed in here uninvited isn’t a good sign. Nobles have certain rules and etiquette they’re expected to follow, and while it’s understandable that an outsider like you would need some time to adjust, he didn’t seem to care that he was acting without any respect or regard for your feelings. 

Not to mention that his intentions seem incredibly crass. What kind of person would jump at the opportunity to get with their family member’s ex-fiancée? It’s in rather poor taste, you have to admit. Plus, his expression when he was recounting how he’d heard of Alistair’s engagement falling through…

He looked positively delighted.

You hastily withdraw your hand, much to Rowan’s visible disappointment. All you really know about him is that he and Alistair don’t seem to be on good terms. They had a few brief, unpleasant exchanges in the game. Just a few sentences of dialogue, but more than enough to convey how disconnected they are.

It’s entirely possible you’re reading into things too much here, but if your hunch is right, then it sounds like he wants to marry you purely to spite his cousin. 

And that’s the kind of pettiness you’d rather not have in your life. 

“I’m not sure how my parents would feel about you going after your cousin’s former flame,” you remark with a grimace. “I’ve never heard of someone within the same family openly pursuing their relative’s ex-fiancée. It makes me question your character, if I’m being honest.” 

Sensing you likely won’t be swayed anytime soon, Rowan finally stands up. He takes a moment to adjust his coat back in place, and despite being rejected, his self-assuredness quickly returns. 

“The heart can’t help what it wants,” Rowan smiles. “And I’d been interested in you well before Alistair even announced his engagement. I had been working up the nerve to propose to you for quite some time, so imagine my surprise when I heard that he’d already beat me to it. I felt incredibly discouraged, but he’s family, so what could I do? I simply endured all the while and tried to work through my frustrations, but when I heard the news, I knew I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me by.” 

Everything he’s saying reeks of bullshit. What was stopping him from proposing to you sooner, as he claims he wanted to? He didn’t need to wait and ‘work up the nerve’ to do anything. He could’ve just gone ahead and done it.

“Of course, even then, I still wasn’t completely convinced,” Rowan piles on. “I’d heard many tales of your beauty and extravagance, but now that I’m actually seeing you and speaking to you, I can confidently say I’m sure of my decision. I admire your strong spirit, and you’re so inexplicably charming, in a way I can’t even describe. I understand that it doesn’t paint me in a flattering light to covet the woman my cousin once planned to marry, but I’m not the kind of man who can deny what he wants. My heart is set on you, and I doubt that will ever change.” 

Fiona squeals again, having to clamp her hands over her mouth to try and quiet down. It’s not like you can really blame her. What she’s watching right now is basically the equivalent of a soap opera. 

You narrow your eyes. If he’s really doing all this just to stick it to his cousin, that would be horrifyingly pathetic, but also kind of impressive. You have to admire the sheer strength of will it takes to commit to something so stupid. 

“Well, I’m not thinking of marriage right now,” you say. “My engagement with Alistair only just recently settled. Above all else, I want to focus on myself for a while, and I need to properly assess all my options. I’m not just going to rush into yet another engagement.” 

Rowan looks like he still wants to keep pushing the issue, but fortunately, he must realize he’s not going to make much headway, so he relents. 

“I understand,” he nods. “I’m sure you must have a lot of things weighing on your mind. And it must be especially difficult hearing this after you spent a grueling night recovering from sickness. You’re such a strong, dauntless woman. It’s truly breathtaking.” 

Bro. Is this guy ever going to stop kissing your ass? 

“Uh, sure,” you reply, scrunching up your nose. “Anyways, I gotta go now. Please show yourself out.” 

“But you’ll consider my proposal?” Rowan asks hopefully. “Because I really do think that we would make an incredible pair. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove my worth to you.” 

You’re just about to brush him off again and put an end to the conversation, but as it so happens, that’s not what fate has in store for you today. 

Instead, your father emerges from the manor.

Oh, balls. 

You already know this can’t possibly end well, so you go as far as trying to shove Rowan along—much to his blatant disbelief. It’s difficult to get him to budge since he’s bigger than you in stature, but either way, it wouldn’t have made much of a difference, because your father has already spotted him. 

“[Name]!” your father calls out. “What’s happening? Who is that man? One of the servants said they noticed a strange carriage pulling in. Hey, you there! Get away from my daughter at once! Just what in the world is the meaning of this?” 

He’s furious—or at least, as close to furious as he can be, all things considered. You’ve come to realize that he’s not exactly the most intimidating guy. Unless you’re the kind of person who’s terrified of math problems, that is. 

Your father cartoonishly stomps across the lawn, looking less authoritative by the second, but Rowan still minds his manners (which is something you didn’t think he even had) and bows deeply.

“Please forgive my intrusion, Count [Last Name],” Rowan says, greeting him with a calm, confident smile. “My name is Rowan Calderwood. I understand you must be startled by my appearance, but I came here hoping to speak to you and happened to chance upon [Name] while she was out in the garden.” 

“He was just leaving,” you blurt, but of course, your attempts to end the discussion are futile. 

Your father glares at him. “How dare you solicit my daughter’s company after showing up here uninvited. You didn’t even have the decency to announce your arrival. And you say you’re from the Calderwood family? I was under the impression that our households weren’t speaking. This is remarkably classless of you.” 

Hell yeah! You tell ‘em, dad!

You’re tempted to start pumping your fist in the air and cheering, but against all odds, you manage to hold back. 

However, if there’s something you’ve learned about Rowan in the brief time you’ve known him, it’s that he’s a stubborn, determined son-of-a-bitch. It takes a lot to faze him, and even then, he doesn’t let his smile slip. 

Most people in his position would have been ashamed to be called out for their rudeness, but he manages to face your father with a clear, unwavering gaze. 

“I am Alistair’s cousin,” he nods. “It’s true that we’re related, and that I am technically from the same household as him. But his decisions have no bearing on my own, and although that side of the family may not be speaking to you at the moment, it doesn’t change how I feel. All I care about is [Name], and today, I came here to ask for her hand in marriage. With your blessing, of course.” 

You sigh. 

Well, he went ahead and said the thing. You suppose there’s no backtracking now. You’ll just have to hope that your father won’t be so easily swayed by—ah, never mind. He’s already struggling to contain his smile. 

“You want to marry [Name]?” your father blinks. He pauses to clear his throat, but the twinkle in his eyes is unmistakable. He looks as excited as a child on Christmas morning. 

“She’s an incredible woman,” Rowan nods. He’s not an idiot, and he clearly realizes that the best way to turn the tide in his favor is to start praising the ever-loving shit out of you. “We admittedly haven’t spoken for very long, but I can already tell that she’s a very intelligent young lady. She has such a vibrant, distinct personality too. I find myself drawn to her more and more with every passing second.” 

Your father fails to hide his smile altogether this time. “Well, of course,” he hums. “My daughter is remarkable in every possible way. And she’s not just intelligent, mind you. I daresay she’s an honest-to-goodness genius.”

“That’s no surprise. I instinctively knew she was far more distinguished and impressive than any of the other ladies I’d spoken to. She’s the type of woman who can’t possibly be forgotten or overlooked. She shines as brightly as a lone star in the dark of night.”

…okay, I’m all for being complimented, but they seriously need to stop acting like I just solved world hunger.

“Yes, yes, I’m amazing,” you mumble half-heartedly. “Anyways, I was under the impression that I would have the entire day to rest and recover my strength. I’m not well enough right now to be entertaining guests.” 

You’re not being subtle about how desperately you want Rowan to hurry up and leave already, and the bastard clearly knows it, not that he gives a single shit. 

Luckily, your father still seems to believe that you nearly crossed over into the afterlife last night, and he quickly assumes a more stern expression.

“That’s right,” he frowns. “Forgive me, sweetheart. You must still be suffering from the aftereffects of your illness. I’m afraid we’ll have to cut today’s meeting short, Rowan. You must not have known that [Name] wasn’t feeling well, but all the same, she needs enough time to fully recover.” 

Rowan glances over to you, and although he does a pretty good job of hiding it, you can tell that he still doesn’t buy into the story about your ‘sickness’. 

Which, fair enough, since the story is total bullshit.

“Of course,” Rowan nods gravely. “I didn’t realize that [Name] was unwell when I decided to make the trip here. Given the circumstances, I understand why it would be difficult to come to a decision right away, and I don’t mean to rush you along. I just wanted to make my intentions clear. I hope that you will at least consider me as a potential marriage candidate, and allow me to court [Name] in the meantime.”

Your father stops to purse his lips, then looks over at you hopefully. It’s obvious that he wants you to get engaged, and normally, most noble parents wouldn’t even bother asking for their child’s opinion on the matter. You’re fortunate in that they love to spoil you rotten, otherwise this decision would already be set in stone.

“[Name], I know you’ve just recently ended an engagement, but you were saying you’d be open to marrying other men,” your father prods gently. “I will give you some time to think it through, but will you please give Rowan a chance for the time being? Your mother and I want you to find a good man to spend the rest of your life with. It’s important to keep an open mind.”

Rowan smiles brightly. “Please allow me the chance to prove myself, fair lady. I promise to devote the rest of my life to your happiness.” 

He certainly says a lot of pretty-sounding words, and by the looks of it, your father is quickly being won over. 

Still… at least there’s no official engagement or anything. Your father is giving you the opportunity to date him for a little while and see how you feel. Plus, you did say that you would be okay with virtually anyone besides Alistair. It wouldn’t be fair to shoo every man away without even giving them a chance. 

“Alright,” you concede. “I wouldn’t mind meeting with you for a while and seeing how things go. But I make no promises. My engagement with Alistair taught me that I’m looking for someone who is up to my standards. I don’t want to get engaged again without feeling confident about who my partner is.”

“That is completely understandable. As expected, you are mature beyond your years, and I wouldn’t expect you to settle for anything less than what you deserve.” Rowan crosses a hand over his chest and bows once more. “I will do whatever it takes to reassure you that I am your perfect match.” 

Well, he’s definitely confident, you’ll give him that. 

“I wish you a swift recovery, dearest [Name].” Rowan grabs your hand in his again, and without wasting a beat, raises it to his lips and gently kisses it. You wish you could say that you’re completely unfazed, but he’s damn attractive, and it’s admittedly been a while since you had any love in your life. 

He offers you one last smile before he goes, eyes twinkling with amusement, delight, and some other emotion that you can’t quite make sense of. 

“Good day, my lady. I will await our next meeting with bated breath.” 

Finally, he leaves, and he’s barely halfway in the carriage before your father pulls you into his arms and starts peppering your forehead with kisses. 

“Oh, my sweet, lovely girl!” he praises. “Look at you! It’s hardly been a few days since you broke things off with your former fiancé, and you’ve already got another suitor lined up! I apologize for ever being stern with you. I should have known you would have countless other prospects. A fine lady such as yourself will have her pick of all the men in the land.” 

You chuckle weakly and let him hug to your heart’s content. It’s good that at least one of you is excited. Actually, Fiona looks pretty damn excited too, based on how she keeps grinning ear-to-ear and clapping her hands. 

Even now, you can’t help but worry that Rowan has ulterior motives, but you suppose it’s a good thing you’re going to have a little trial phase. You can get to know him and figure out what he’s actually like. He didn’t make the best first impression in your eyes, but perhaps his rudeness can be overlooked if he genuinely wants to be with you. There’s no harm in at least giving him a chance.

Besides, how bad can he be? 

Charming, handsome, benevolent, desirable—those are only some of the words that have been used to describe Alistair. 

In truth, he’s heard just about every compliment there is. Having grown up in a family that constantly stressed the importance of reputation and elevating oneself, he devoted his entire life to becoming the kind of person he could take pride in. Even now, he continuously seeks to improve upon himself. As his father once said, a man never stops growing, and he should never seek to be satisfied with mediocrity. 

Alistair isn’t perfect. He knows he will never be perfect, and nor will anyone else, because humans are inherently flawed. 

But he can strive to be as close to perfect as possible, and that’s exactly what he’ll spend the rest of his life doing, until his very last breath. 

Lately, though, he hasn’t been feeling so good. Something happened to him that completely shook his worldview and left him in utter disbelief. Something that reminded him of just how imperfect he truly is. 

And that, of course, is the fact that he was rejected by you. 

Alistair isn’t good at handling rejection, mainly because he’s gone his entire life without ever being spurned. He’s used to being met with nothing but praise and approval, looks of adoration, and oftentimes, envy. 

So, when you kicked him to the curb and outright called him ugly, right to his face, his ego took a massive hit. 

It just doesn’t make any sense. 

Roughly a week has passed since you broke off the engagement. At the start, Alistair felt rightfully offended, but he told himself that it was for the best. He never wanted to marry you in the first place. Clearly, you are even more unstable and thoughtless than the rumors suggested, so good riddance that he’s not being forced to become your husband anymore. 

It’s better this way. He was able to avoid a painful, miserable marriage. Now he can move on with his life and focus on what he actually wants to do.

And yet, his mind is filled with thoughts of you, no matter how hard he tries to make them all disappear. 

He simply can’t wrap his head around it. Someone like you actually had the nerve to reject him? Seriously, you? The most infamous noblewoman in all the land, who is notorious for stirring up discord and being utterly distasteful? 

It wouldn’t have hurt as much if some other woman had rejected him. It still would have shocked him, of course, but it wouldn’t be such a bitter pill to swallow. 

After all, what does that say about him? If even you didn’t find him fit to be your husband… how can he ever hope to reach the heights he’s always dreamed of? What kind of pathetic life is he living?

He’s so ashamed he can’t even put it into words. 

“Greetings, Alistair!” 

…and unfortunately for him, it’s about to get even worse. 

Alistair knits his brows together. His least favorite person in the world (other than you) has just arrived. 

Rowan, his insufferable cousin, proceeds to flash him a grin. He’s always got a rather off-putting expression, but today, it seems especially pronounced for some reason. 

“What do you want, Rowan?” Alistair sighs. “Yet again, no one was expecting you to come by. It’s quite tiresome how you keep showing up without warning. My parents aren’t even home right now.” 

Rowan keeps smiling. “Do I really need a reason to visit family? I found myself in a good mood today and figured I would drop in. It’s a shame that my uncle and aunt aren’t around, but surely us cousins can exchange a few words, no?” 

Alistair doesn’t bother to hide his scowl. That’s honestly the last thing he wants to do right now. Goddammit. It figures he’d be stuck dealing with this asshole when he’s already in a terrible mood.

“Make yourself at home,” Alistair shrugs. He beckons a servant closer and asks them to prepare a fresh pot of tea, then sits down on one of the sofas and folds his arms. Rowan sits across from him, still with that shit-eating grin on his face.

What does he keep grinning about? It’s so irritating. 

Alistair narrows his eyes. “Is there something on your mind? It looks like you’re rather excited for some reason.”

“Oh, you noticed?” Rowan muses. He leans forward, interlacing his hands, and his grin widens, disturbingly enough. “Forgive me. Like I said, I found myself in a good mood today. I got rather lucky earlier, if I say so myself.”

“In regards to what?” 

“Ah.” Rowan stops to frown for a few seconds. “Sorry. Now that I think of it, I’m worried it may not be a good idea to share the news right now. I’m afraid it may still be a sensitive topic for you.” 

Naturally, Rowan could care less about hurting his feelings, but now that he’s said those words, Alistair can’t help but want to know. 

And so, he takes the bait. 

“What are you on about now, Rowan?” Alistair mutters. “Just stop with all these mind games and say what you want to say. Get to the point.” 

Heavy silence settles over the room, until finally, Rowan chuckles. 

“In that case, I may as well be candid. Truthfully, earlier today… I paid [Name] a visit. I received her father’s permission to begin courting her. With the intention of marriage.” 

Alistair blinks. 

Uh, what? No. There’s no way. It can’t be. Surely he must have misheard or something. 

Because… because it just wouldn’t make any sense. You rejected him not long ago. You told him you couldn’t foresee a future with him. For the first time in his life, he was tossed aside and treated like he was useless and unwanted. 

And now, he hears that you’ve already picked someone else to replace him? And not just anyone, but his piece of shit cousin, Rowan? 

Alistair feels sick. He clamps a hand over his mouth and draws in a sharp, shaky breath. It feels like the room is spinning. He swears he can see stars. 

Needless to say, Rowan has never been happier. 

“Oh, my,” he mumbles in a fake, condescending tone. “Are you quite alright, Alistair? You look rather pale. See, this is why I was hesitant to share the news. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it. Chin up, cousin. You’ll get through this.”

Alistair doesn’t respond. It takes a while to get a hold of himself, but he slowly withdraws his hand from his mouth and lets it fall to his side. 

Once his breathing finally settles, he proceeds to glare at Rowan with the intensity of a thousand blades. 

“...are you fucking kidding me right now?”

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[lifsheep]

Ok so I made a theory a while ago with a friend, who posted it in a thread on Twitter, and since some new things have happened with this “new” mocha I wanna share my new takes on this theory :]

Link to the main theory (pls read this before continuing): https://vxtwitter.com/unluckybluelily/status/1890453801087180818

Now, there are a few new things shared on Pili’s stream yesterday which kinda confirm this theory and bring up interesting points

His job back “home” is more of a commitment to the community and making sure everyone is okay

They used to have a news paper service

Paper was a expensive thing to get

Someone delivered it on a reindeer

They had a rat problem

Doesn’t care about twilight

There was a time he used to kill a lot of people for fun but left that life away

He remembers killing but doesn’t remembers why he started to do so

Before the factory he lived in a place with a big purple screen with magic

Isn’t a cat but doesn’t know what he is

Got used to being a cat

The mentions of pap frost and the factory pretty much confirm that this mocha is from Halls smp, as well as hints about him being the mayor of a town he built, Snowden.

The first thing that stands out to me is the killing part. We know that after being betrayed by his towns people h!Mocha went through a villain arc which has lasted till trsmp, but he says it was a life he left behind….

Perhaps this could be referencing other smps (also called realms in canon) before Halls winter smp where h!Mocha could’ve been killing people for fun. Another hint to that could be that he doesn’t remember how he started to do this, and if that period of time was from when the people of Snowden betrays him, he would definitely remember the “why”.

Still, if it is referencing that part of Halls winter smp, then perhaps this Mocha is a h!Mocha from an alternate universe where he forgave the betrayal done to him, unlike our tr!Mocha.

Other than that, another interesting thing is that Mocha isn’t really a cat, but do got used to it and doesn’t know what he actually is. This could also hint at this Mocha being more of a memory erased Mocha than an alternate version of Mocha. The reasoning behind this being that tr!Mocha acted a lot more cat like due to “getting used to being a cat” for far longer than h!Mocha. If this was an alternate version of h!Mocha then it would probably should be used to being a cat as well, but isn’t.

Another mini theory that this fact brings is that Mocha could be some sort of changeling. Before dying, I do remember mocha referencing doomed relationships, which reminds me a lot of this server called “dedsafio”. Pili is well known in the Hispanic community thanks to his roleplay as an otter in it. If Mocha is a changeling, it could potentially mean that dedsafio is also a realm Mocha was in before trsmp, and it could also explain why h!Mocha suddenly became a human in Halls winter smp for a while.

Lastly I wanna analyze a bit the fact that h!Mocha doesn’t care for twilight unlike tr!Mocha. I remember tr!Mocha saying that he related a lot to Edward, which could actually explain his fascination and fanaticism of twilight, and why h!Mocha doesn’t care for it.

Edward is basically a monster that falls in love with a human and constantly battles his urges to kill and consume her blood from what I am aware. To the dismay of many critics, Edward and Bella do end up together and have a happily ever after. This does parallel a bit how tr!Mocha views relationships, a great example being his friendships with Pangi.

tr!Mocha hates himself and views himself as a monster, or something harmful to others, which is one of the key reasons he pushed tr!pangi away, he felt he would be better off without him. Still, unlike what tr!Mocha envisions as the likely scenario of tragedy and hurt, in twilight the main character get to be happy despite all of the problems they face. This would make twilight not just any movie for tr!Mocha, but one that directly fulfills his fantasy of a happy ending.

h!Mocha on the other hand by not having experienced any of the tragic relationships tr!Mocha has, wouldn’t feel this connection at all, therefore not really caring for it.

That is all folks! Maybe one day I will write more tinfoil hat theories that somehow become true hours later lmao

[maxdibert]

Hello, I've been following you for some time and I love your posts and analyzes about Severus, I regularly update your blog hoping for more and I always wanted to send you something, but I never had the opportunity.

But recently I saw a video on TikTok, which I didn't pay much attention to, but I saw the comments and one of them talked about how if Harry was a woman and looked like Lily, Severus would be a pedophile and that that gave people the creeps. And I, personally, find this statement very funny, because as far as I remember, Snape never had inappropriate contact with any Hogwarts student, or with anyone, in fact. But people intentionally forget that the only person who had the opening to do this was Peter Pettigrew. Ron himself said that they slept together and, probably, Peter saw the boys, literal children, changing their clothes, but, obviously, it would be Snape who was the child predator.

Sorry if it wasn't very understandable, English isn't my first language and I'm using Google to help.

Hi! Thank you. I'm glad you like my rants and sometimes nonense lol

About your pint... Well, this is a very old story. If I had a penny for every time I’ve read someone spouting this nonsense, I wouldn’t be rich, but I’d have enough for a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. It’s so absurd that I don’t even think it’s worth refuting, but just to clarify a few things:

Severus resents Harry for two main reasons, and neither of them has to do with being in love with Lily. It’s not something as childish as “uh, my crush married someone else.” No, there are several layers to it.

The first and most obvious is that, unfortunately, Harry is the spitting image of his father, who, unfortunately, was a jerk who spent his school years torturing people—specifically, and with great enthusiasm: Severus Snape. James spent seven years hunting him down and attacking him for sport, backed by his loyal ally Sirius Black and supported by his lackeys, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. While the latter two might not have physically assaulted Severus, they were there as enablers and complicit bystanders. Four against one, at the end of the day.

Severus never had the chance to heal from that abuse because, at 21, he was forced to return to the very place that had been hell for him. He had to teach students who were likely old enough to have witnessed some of those humiliations during his time as a student. A victim cannot heal in the place where they were consistently harmed.

Then Harry comes along, looking like an exact replica of James, and every time Severus sees him, it triggers him immensely. When he looks at Harry, he doesn’t see Lily’s son, nor does he see a child—he sees his abuser. And we all know Harry isn’t to blame for any of this, but the thing is, we can’t expect someone who isn’t acting rationally to be rational. Especially when we’re talking about someone who desperately needs therapy and probably medication, neither of which he’s ever had access to.

Then there’s another factor—a deeply emotional one—which is that Harry’s very existence is a painful reminder of Severus’s own role in Lily’s death. The fact that this kid is there, an orphan, is a constant reminder that Severus overheard a prophecy, reported it to Voldemort, and that Voldemort then chose to kill the most important person in Severus’s life because of it. It’s a perpetual mix of anger and guilt.

Looking at Harry forces Severus to relive his past as a victim, his most humiliating moments, as well as the terrible decisions he made because of them and their devastating consequences. This doesn’t excuse his behavior, but it does explain it quite well.

What I’m trying to say is that the reasons behind how he treats Harry are deeply tied to trauma. If Harry were a girl and resembled Lily, Severus would still feel deeply triggered every time he saw her. The only difference would be that instead of seeing James in her, he’d see Lily. I think, rather than anger, it would fill him with depression and guilt to such a degree that, instead of antagonizing her, he’d try to avoid her as much as possible. He wouldn’t want to get within ten miles of her because seeing her face would constantly remind him of the person he failed and indirectly condemned.

At no point do I imagine anything even remotely sexual crossing his mind. Especially when you consider that Severus never once confessed his feelings to Lily or behaved inappropriately toward her. I do think he’d act “softer,” but not because of her appearance specifically—more because Severus is always gentler toward women. I mentioned this in another post, but his more cordial relationships are almost always with female characters, and when he’s cruel, it’s typically far worse with men than with women.

People who lack even the most basic comprehension or analytical skills… Honestly, if they’re going to hate on him, the least they could do is come up with more convincing arguments. Sometimes it’s just exhausting to explain why their theories don’t make any sense.

[rollercoasterwords]

hi there! i saw a post you made ages ago about gender not necessarily being a static thing and being something that can change over a person’s lifetime.

excuse my ignorance in this but do you think that is something that applies to a person’s sexual orientation as well? i always appreciate your insight on these topics.

also, apologies if anything is worded strangely. english is not my first language.

no worries, i can understand u perfectly! and my short answer to ur question is yes

longer answer is i don’t think anyone is born w some innate metaphysical identity that they can unearth to discover their True Self; i think sex, gender, and sexuality are largely socially constructed, though obviously materially rooted. the comparison i sometimes make to explain this to students is to think about an accent—certain physical aspects influence accent (mouth shape, vocal chords, etc) but ultimately the accent a person has is almost entirely shaped by the world around them; babies aren’t born with some “true” accent they have to discover about themselves. but that doesn’t make a person’s accent any less real or “natural”!

i think where some people get defensive abt the idea that sexuality isn’t necessarily static or innate is that oftentimes conservative voices have used this specifically to say that being gay is a phase, etc. this is a very clever trick, in which heterosexuality is enshrined as “natural” and any sexuality departing from that is a phase, a choice, etc, such that many queer people have found themselves cornered into arguing that queerness is also natural and innate, just like heterosexuality. but the ‘born this way’ narrative will ultimately not lead to liberation, because it fails to question the basic premise that heterosexuality is natural and innate; in reality heterosexuality is just as constructed and contrived as any other form of sexuality, and in fact we often see the lengths that people must go to in order to hide this fact. kinda like the wizard of oz behind the curtain (the invention of heterosexuality by jonathan ned katz is a great book abt this!)

the other sticking point i think people often have with this concept is that they think saying sexuality isn’t innate means people can just pick & choose who they’re attracted to. but that’s not how social constructs work! again, going back to the example of accents, just because an accent is socially constructed/developed does not mean that people can just snap their fingers and get a new accent. this is because social constructs are grounded in material realities and have material effects; they’re not just playing make-believe. money is another good example of a social construct that has very real and tangible material effects; i can’t just take monopoly money to the store and buy something.

so…yeah. i think sexuality can be just as fluid as gender. maybe you’ll be attracted to something at one point in your life and that’ll change over time, or maybe you’ll identify with one sexuality and then later figure out a different label works better for you. when it comes to queer politics & queer communities, i really don’t see a point in trying to nitpick or analyze whether someone is REALLY x sexuality, or what the “correct” label is for someone to use, bc i find labels more useful for identifying shared struggles than for like. unearthing buried metaphysical truths about identity lol. i also have found that i personally am much happier not worrying about figuring out my “true” sexuality and just using whatever label best fits my experiences & how i’m perceived in the world

[katerinaaqu]

Hello :) firstly I wanted to say that I love your analyses and I love all the information and knowledge you’re able to give us, thank you soo much for that.

Secondly since you know so much especially about the odyssey and Odysseus and I’ve recently seen a post where you explained the calypso situation I wanted to ask if you’ve made such an in-depth analysis on the Circe situation? I’m convinced the whole thing wasn’t consensual but there are always ppl saying stuff like “what Hermes said isn’t important” “Circe was at his mercy when she asked him to do the deed with him so he tricked her into doing it” “Odysseus was invulnerable to her powers so that means he wasn’t in danger meaning he willingly slept with her” and since I haven’t read the odyssey in a while I wanted to ask you .

Tysm for your time and I hope you have a wonderful day

Hello and you are very sweet! I really feel happy you do enjoy them and I am also grateful to receive comments and thoughts from you under my work 🙏 it always means so much when people get interested in the ancient texts much more when they honor me with their trust on tye matter.

I believe you are referring to my latest answer then where I re-analyzed the Calypso matter.

OF COURSE I can! I would be happy and delighted to especially since their relationship is so complicated and fascinating to begin with. The way in which it evolves in a very interesting degree and the way both characters share common traits is also fascinating. Circe is called also wily or with tricks which also seems to correspond to the essence of Odysseus himself. A power couple no doubt. But indeed so misunderstood by the media and their interpretations.

So here goes sorry if this is long:

I find it so interesting how far selective interpretation goes 🤔 😆 I find it interesting that indeed there are people out there that read the passage where Hermes SPECIFICALLY mentions how Odysseus has no choice and say that "oh it doesn't matter really!" Hahaha so to be more precise the passage goes as such;

Then you shall not refuse the goddess's bed if you want her to release your comrades, and she shall offer entertainment to you

(Translation by me)

The passage is clear. Hermes tells Odysseus he has no choice but to accept the bed of Circe's if he wants to save his men and see them again in human form. I find it quite interesting that people ignore that or they claim it is unimportant to the plot. This is literally the reason why Odysseus is there. What is more I find the notion of the moly immunity funny because Circe was not a force to be reckoned with only with her magic. In fact Homer also writes afterwards;

However make her swear a sacred and great oath that she will have nothing else bad in store for you so that she won't hurt or unman you when she has you stripped naked.

(Translation by me)

Hermes clearly states that Circe does not need to turn him into an animal to be dangerous. In fact as someone else said before me, it almost seems like Circe might as well kill or castrate him while she has him naked and vulnerable. Hermes clearly states that Odysseus is not safe even if he is immune to her power at that specific moment. It also shows that Circe could harm him at every moment and the only reasons she didn't were this promise that he extracted from her and perhaps her own feelings for him (curiosity or other). Throughout the passage Odysseus was speaking on the fear he was feeling even from moment number one;

And she opened the fine doors calling me in and I followed her with a heavy and grieving heart

(Translation by me)

Odysseus was literally frightened. All the time. As he said he had a grieving heart (ἀκαχήμενος ἦτορ) and he continued to be distrustful of her and afraid even if he had extracted that oath from her.

However my heart could not be pleased for I was distracted as my mind was always thinking on dark thoughts

(Translation by me)

I adore how Homer uses the word ἀλλοφρονέων (=to think differently, to be distracted) but the word αλλόφρων also used in modern Greek to speak on someone who is mad or crazy and is also used as a phrase to indicate someone who is not just worried but someone crazy in fear. Odysseus has extracted the promise, he has accepted the attentive care of Circe and her handmaidens in the bath and he is now sat before a real feast and he is crazy in fear and doubt. His continuous sense of anxiety is obvious in the passage. So to say that Odysseus was just fine and that the whole adventure with Circe was a breeze and that he was safe against her just because he had eaten the Moly at that time seems to me funny since every part of the passage shows how he was afraid. What was more, there is no guarantee that the Moly would protect him forever from Circe's magic not to mention that as we said before, even without her magic Circe had plenty of aces up her sleeve starting from her animal entourage till a potent knife at the time that she had Odysseus under her mercy (thus the need for a promise on her part).

Also even if we say that Moly would keep him immune forever, what about his men? His men had not consumed Moly and it was obvious that the only reason that Odysseus was there was to rescue his men. What guarantee did he have that Circe wouldn't enchant his men again if he misbehaved? Quite frankly as I said above, Circe's likeness for his boldness or potentially his mind plus the oath he extracted from her seems to be the only thing that prevents Circe from using his men as hostages once more. Quite frankly the whole adventure with Circe was a very big hostage business. Odysseus was thinking on his men's safety (not to mention the rest of them waiting by the ship) apart from his own and as you see he was already very much afraid as it was.

I also find it interesting that the reason why Circe seems to be getting Odysseus immediately to her bed is that she knew he would come. Just like Polyphemus knew by a prophet that Odysseus would blind him (although she didn't know the nature of the person that would blind him) Circe says that she knew from Hermes that a certain Odysseus would arrive at her isle on his way back from Troy. So in one way someone to say that Circe was out of options seems at least funny as a notion. It seems that she knew who was coming she just didn't seem to know the conditions that would bring him there.

Now was Odysseus attracted to her?

In my opinion there is no doubt about it as he describes how beautiful Circe was. Would he consider to sleep with her if it weren't of Hermes's advice? In my opinion no. Odysseus would absolutely be finding Circe attractive given her beauty and her divine nature, which is no surprise there but finding attraction to one person and act on it are two different things. In my humble opinion I do not think that Odysseus would act according to that attraction. Would he be curious on the experience with an immortal goddess? Absolutely. He is a naturally curious person and he wants to gain knowledge from other experiences in his life. Would he act up that one? Again I think not.

The reason why I think so is that the essences of loyalty in marriage are not as cut and clean as we usually think of in modern times. True if we judge from Hera myths, it was not preferable for a man to have extramarital affairs but it was generally tolerated. Agamemnon speaks on the affairs he had and many others had affairs. Odysseus would have no reason to hide his actual attraction towards Circe (and he doesn't given how he does speak on her very warmly eventually). Throughout his narration he mentions many things negative about himself including but not restricted to; the conquest and enslavement of Ismarus, his mistake to insult God Poseidon, self-destructive thoughts, feeling of fear towards Circe or Calypso, his moments of sadness and isolation etc. All of these things would be considered embarrassing or even diminishing for him. Why would he hide affairs at a world that was more tolerant towards the affairs and instead say all these others that would make a king or a warrior embarrassed?

Now there is an interesting question of course as to why did Odysseus remain there for a year?

It is indeed food for thought to think about it because once his men were back to human form in theory he could leave right? That in my opinion is not cut and clean like that. For once he had to wait until his men were back to good health and spirits to travel and he might as well take advantage of Circe's hospitality to refill their batteries. However there is also the moment where in the Odyssey his men arrive personally and scold him that he forgot about their country and their homeland for the arms of Circe. So one can think indeed; did Odysseus indeed forget himself?

In my opinion it is possible. His men are not the only ones who wanted to refill their batteries. So was Odysseus. In fact he has MUCH MORE in his plate than the average human already. He has already been at war, he has the war crimes on his mind anyways and he has also witnessed most of his men dying in horrifying ways (Cicones, Polyphemus, Laestrigonians etc) and he has just witnessed the results of his actions as well with the Curse of Polyphemus and the way that the sack of Aeolus fiasco happened. Odysseus already was suffering a lot. Regardless of the fact that he was always afraid of her, the hospitality she offered was very much needed. He could rest and enjoy some safety of dry land for a change after everything he had been through and Circe kept her promise and was a very good hostess to them. Odysseus too needed that break. It is possible that he forgot himself at the care of Circe and quite frankly Circe seems to be also wishing to keep Odysseus by her side so she does seem to make it as easy as possible for him to stay.

So Odysseus enjoying some nice rest after so long, even in the arms of a goddess that scares him makes it cheating? In my opinion no. What is more it seems that the fear of Odysseus was always apparent. It seems that he was avoiding requesting from Circe to let them go the whole time. It almost felt like he was putting the whole thing off out of fear for her anger and refusal. He almost seemed to be gathering off the guts to tell her. When his men straight out demanded it he didn't seem to have a choice but to comply. So it shows how scared he was when he literally BEGGED Circe to let them go by falling on her knees.

And then I climbed onto Circe's beautiful bed and hugging her knees I begged her to set us free with a cry.

(Translation by me)

So basically Odysseus felt helpless before her and he had to do the employing ritual to her (you can see my other post about this ritual) so that he would be sure that Circe wouldn't refuse him or be angry at him. That same fear continued later for when he came back from the Underworld, he preferred to stay by the ships. He was literally brought back in by Circe herself who gave him some advice.

But while most part of the text in the Odyssey indeed implies the lack of free will or lack of options etc someone would think why would Odysseus be considered a cheater in the hands of Circe?

I think the answer lies to the general idea that many people have that we should consider Odysseus as an unreliable narrator and that all the details he lists are lies to cover his cheating.

Although as a logic seems to be very generalized, and it COULD hold some water in regards to some details, I still am not convinced as mention above that Odysseus is lying here. For starters he was already very emotional when speaking to the Phaeakes and an emotional Odysseus is the most honest Odysseus (we saw his emotions betraying him with Polyphemus, with his revelation with the Phaeakes or later with Penelope). Odysseus was already in a very strong emotional state so I do not think his narration is inherently doubtful. What is more, he does seem to have so many details in his narration about himself that are not positive about himself. He would have no reason to hide the specific one. And Odysseus mentions how Circe never had his heart before (see also my other answer here). I cannot find much of a reason for him to lie about that when he has literally admitted everything else that could paint him in an unpleasant light (especially his hubris with Polyphemus).

So to sum up yes I think he was being forced. His men were held hostage and he had to save them. Circe was never helpless regardless of the situation and she had many different ways to kill him if she wanted to. Would he be curious anyways? Absolutely. Would he act according to that curiosity? In that case I think not. He does say so himself and his imprisonment in Calypso's island in his narrative was supported by other characters and the poet so why would he lie for Circe either. One can definitely think about his emotions and how strong they would be about Circe but I think regardless of that, he wouldn't have necessarily act towards that curiosity given how his psychological state was originally

But I guess this is everyone's guess.

I hope this helps. It definitely it is up to you what you want to interpret and I will be happy to offer more passages inside the future reblogs and such! ^_^

[dootznbootz]

As someone who is also really uncomfortable with the Zeus/Odysseus art trend, I completely understand where your coming from!

People’s treatment of Odysseus’s assaults in general makes me really upset. Just the other day I saw a comment on a post saying that “Odysseus wasn’t loyal to his wife yet expects her to be loyal to him” and not once in the replies did I see someone mention that he was literally assaulted. It’s absolutely gross and makes me hesitant to go deeper into the fandom.

I remember being so frustrated when the snippets of “There are Other Ways” came out because so many people were making Hamilton jokes and talking about how he always talks about his wife yet cheated. When in the song it was so clear he was being coerced which is yknow, not a form of consent. I couldn’t even listen to it because it made me so uncomfortable, and even now with the full version out the fandoms reaction to it overall have soured me to it. Which sucks, because I do think it’s a great song.

Also I don’t even think Epic completely erases Calypso’s assault? At least, I think it’s left ambiguous enough during the time jump that people can come to their own conclusions. Specifically when Calypso says “Soon into bed we’ll climb and spend our time” just really gives me the impression that something else happened.

I suppose in the snippets we’ve seen of “I’m Not Sorry For Loving You” it seems like Odysseus and Calypso are on slightly friendlier terms, but I don’t think that negates the fact she could’ve assaulted him. And I’ve always took that song as pretty manipulative on Calypso’s side, with Odysseus more so trying to placate her. But that’s going into theory territory.

And even if he isn’t SA’d in Epic it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to be there!! Same with Homer’s Odyssey. It’s so infuriating to see the cheating narrative be so widely spread when that is just not what happened.

Anyway’s sorry for the long rant, but I wanted to say that it’s nice to see you take Odysseus’s SA seriously. It’s not something the fandom does enough.

It's okay for the long rant. Sorry I took a bit to get to it but I wanted some "soft chatters" for a bit before I tackled this one :)

"Just the other day I saw a comment on a post saying that “Odysseus wasn’t loyal to his wife yet expects her to be loyal to him” and not once in the replies did I see someone mention that he was literally assaulted. It’s absolutely gross and makes me hesitant to go deeper into the fandom."

I completely understand you with this stuff. ;~; I used to go through Odyssey tags often as I LOVE possibly finding new people to follow and fun things but too many times I would see shit that pissed me off. ;~; I've honestly kind of just stuck to my mutuals that I trust tbh. And honestly, there's soooo much shit of people just straight up not understanding the context/culture/meaning/etc. of the Epics and just taking it at face value and not understanding the meanings. :/ I'm no expert, but I also have analyzed and researched quite a bit on my own to try and get the full picture. I think in order to truly enjoy the Odyssey, you need to just... really soak shit in, you know?

When Calypso, that lovely goddess,  tried                           to keep me with her in her hollow cave, longing for me to become her husband,                                  or when, in the same way, the cunning witch Aeaean Circe held me in her home filled with a keen desire I’d marry her, they never won the heart here in my chest.

(Book 9, Johnston)

Odysseus tells this to the Phaecians. They are strangers that he will likely never see again and who are isolationists. Therefore his story that he told probably won't be "spread" to others so he can probably say whatever. So he doesn't have to worry about "Penelope hearing a different story than the one he told to her" if people wanna argue about how "Oh well, he didn't tell Penelope about the 'affairs'"(He tells her everything as well btw.)

He could literally say "Oh yeah, I had the time of my life!" but he doesn't because that's not true. Odysseus has no listed concubines, I just literally don't see him as the type of guy who's really into that.

And while yes, he would be devastated if she didn't "stay loyal", he does sound like he'd be understanding. He asks his mother in the Underworld if Penelope had gotten remarried to "the finest of Achaeans". And we all know of Odysseus' words of "when Telemachus has a beard, feel free to remarry". Even when first "rejected" by Penelope in that she didn't hug him when he sat across from her, he was incredibly hurt but asked for a separate bed. He literally could have had it where Penelope takes a different bed and he takes their luxurious/fancy one because he has the rest of the household on his side.

But he DOESN'T!

Because he adores her for fuck's sake!

Funny enough? I have the weird reaction of like, weirdly searching out "Good" animatics as it was a weird reassurance of "yes, people see that it's wrong." as while holy fuck. so many stupid, awful jokes about "Say No to This" in the comments (I have learned to just stay the fuck away from youtube comments on Odysseus shit. :') ) but like, seeing and HEARING how yes, this was fucked, was weirdly really nice for me. yeah, it took a lot of digging but there's a few "There Are Other Ways" that I love. Literally, both are unfinished wips and they're still my favorites. If you can, please give these two a watch and some love for the creator.

This was back before we heard the full song and it's still very good. How he's on guard until she "magics" him and the colors change. After that he kind of moves like a "puppet" but he's still resisting as best he can.

This one is literally still sketches but it's my absolute favorite. Oh my word. The body language, PENELOPE FLASHBACKS!!! Showing cute bits of Penelope's character and how awful this is for him. (Penelope is so cute. She puffs up her cheeks to make him laugh!) How he really is scared that he'll have to go through with this in order to save his friends until all his past trauma floods back and he just can't. It's lovely.

And yeah Idk how to feel about "I'm Not Sorry For Loving You" :/ I don't know how it'll be yet, maybe there's something in another song that shows Odysseus' real feelings or whatever.

And with just the whole cheating thing, yeah, it's really upsetting to call what is blatant assault "cheating". As wild as it sounds, Odysseus' story has been more relatable for me than any other stories like this, even modern ones. I've spoken a bit about it before but yeh, victim blaming at its finest. I find him and his story and his love for Penelope slkdfj very relatable. It's honestly really nice to write about in a sense..

(I'm pasting this from an old post of mine but yeh)

I have never had a story that felt like how it actually FEELS. The "aftermath" and "regaining life". It's hopeful and feels really good. It's been years since "everything" but it just felt nice to see "Everybody has the chance to get better." Even Nestor, Helen, and Menelaus, while still dealing with their traumas, are doing a lot better now. And after literal hell, Odysseus got to be with his family and loved ones again. He can start living again. It's why I'm just...idk passionate about this? I'm not a murderer or a war veteran but I see myself in him. Hopefully, y'all see me as nicer though!😂(plus, let's be honest, the Odyssey is romantic af and OdyPen is right up my alley as well >:D )

I really hate the whole "he's a guy so therefore ____" whether it's used as a "Boys will be boys. they can't help themselves" usually aimed at female victims or a "Men always want sex. they cannot be victims.". It's fucked up and used against ALL of us. :( Doesn't matter if it was history. People, no matter the era, should never be put through "Are you Victim™ enough?". He is one.

Idk the Odyssey means a lot to me. I hope it's okay I take some liberties with my fanfics as it's nice healing through him :D I AM kind of using my own experiences and ideas and it feels nice. I don't think Homer necessarily meant for this but eh, anything that helps is good :D He's a war criminal that I relate to.

[in-death-we-fall]

Murderdolls: Turning The Corner

By Tom Lindgren Photo: Frank White

Hit Parader 462 — March 2003 (drive link)

They say that lightning rarely strikes twice in the same place. But these days you’d have a hard time convincing Joey Jordison about the validity of such a claim. With the immediate, out-of-the-box success of the Murderdolls, Jordison has now played a vital role in helping two bands reach the apex of New Metal acclaim. And while the ‘Dolls have yet to attain the level of fame and fortune enjoyed by Jordison’s “other” band, Slipknot, this trash-’em, bash-’em glam metal unit seems well on their way to grabbing hold of rock and roll’s proverbial gold ring. On their debut disc, Beyond the Valley of the Murderdolls, Jordison and his bandmates— vocalist Wednesday 13, guitarist Acey Slade, bassist Erik Griffin and drummer Ben Graves— have proven that they’ve got what it takes to deliver the kind of high-impact, action-packed sound that a fast-growing legion of today’s fans crave to hear. With all this good stuff goin’ on, we figured what could be better than having a heart-to-heart chat with Jordison and Wednesday about all the positive things happening within their musical lives.

Hit Parader: How satisfied have you been by the kind of reaction that your first album has generated?

Joey Jordison: It’s been great. But one of the first things I learned with Slipknot is that you can’t let any sort of commercial expectations get in the way of what you’re doing. You’ve got to make the music you want to make and then let things just take their course. But since the music of the Murderdolls does have a very broad-based appeal, I would hope that a lot of people would get into it. This isn’t just another one of those records with the kind of depressing lyrics that you hear out there. This music is the polar opposite of that— in fact it’s the polar opposite of just about everything that I’ve heard played in the last decade.

HP: Do you include Slipknot in that assessment?

JJ: Absolutely! I’m not criticizing what we’ve done in that band in any way. But this band was designed to be different, and it is. If I wanted to make the kind of music we make in Slipknot, I just would have waited until we all went back into the studio. But I wanted to do something different. I play guitar here— not drums. There are no masks, and the music is about as fun and exciting as it can be. I’m not saying it’s better… only that it’s different.

HP: The band has received some criticism because of your lyrics. Was that something you anticipated?

JJ: It wasn’t something that surprised me because a lot of people take things on a very superficial basis. They don’t want to delve one inch under the surface because they might end up revealing the truth. Anyone who’s listened to our songs knows that on songs like Graverobbing U.S.A. and Kill Miss America we’re just having fun. That’s the main thing— this is great rock and roll music that is fun to play and fun to listen to. Don’t try to analyze it much more than that.

Wednesday 13: I’m one of those people who is a definite product of his environment. I grew up in North Carolina, which is a conservative place where there really isn’t that much to do. So I was forced to listen to a lot of music and watch a lot of horror movies. That’s the real inspiration for most of my lyrics. I loved movies like Night of the Living Dead and Friday the 13th, and some of the stuff we do plays off of that same kind of mentality. You just can’t take it too seriously.

HP: You’re (sic) sound is an amalgam of old and new. How would you describe the essence of what the Murderdolls are doing?

JJ: It’s rock and roll, that’s the best way that I can describe it. Rock music has lost so much of its edge over the last ten years. What was once this great outlet for rebellion and fun has become this sad-mouthed excuse for bemoaning everything. Our goal was to get rock and roll back on the right path. I like to say that the world needs us right now— that this is the right time for the Murderdolls to make their mark.

13: We’re taking all of our influences, everyone from Motley Crue and Twisted Sister to Alice Cooper and the Sex Pistols and just mixing them all together, shaking them up, and seeing what comes out. It’s just a blast. There’s an edge of craziness and danger to everything that spices it all up and makes it very exciting.

HP: Do you believe that it’s time for so-called “hair metal” to make a comeback?

13: I’ve never trusted any musician that looked too normal. I want my rock and roll heroes to be larger-than-life. Maybe today’s kids don’t know any better because that’s all they’ve been exposed to, but we’re here to show ‘em that you can look cool and sound cool too. It’s really sad that an entire generation of kids have grown up without seeing bands really lay it on the line on stage. I remember seeing the Plasmatics, and watching them destroy everything in their path. That was incredible… that was rock and roll!

JJ: We’re trying to avoid being labeled in any way, but we know that’s asking for the impossible. We’d like everyone to just enjoy what we’re doing, but we know that a lot of people are gonna look at us, listen to the music and call us “glam”, “trash metal”, “hair metal”, whatever. It’s no big deal. We knew from the day we came up with all this, that the Murderdolls were going to shake things up. That’s all that matters. By now, we’ve heard it all, and it’s all okay. We’re presenting something that’s very aggressive, that’s got a definite attitude. We’re not trying to reinvent the wheel here. We’re just trying to make sure that the wheel runs as fast, as loud and as far as it possibly can. This is the kind of rock that I love— the kind of stuff I grew up listening to. The problem is that nobody is playing that kind of music these days. That’s why I keep saying that the Murderdolls are needed now more than ever before.

[paradiseinternet]

I Hate Tony Stark: Chapter Three

pairing: Tony Stark x Soulmate!Reader

word count: 3.1k

triggers: foul language, childhood trauma, poverty, anger (although reasonably justified).

author's note: another chapter in the bag :)

also posted on ->

Chapter Three: My Darling, You Are Glowing

For a birthday, this one has turned to shit and has officially claimed spot number two. Quite remarkable considering second place was originally rewarded to the birthday you realized your family couldn’t afford nice things. There isn’t necessarily a tier for these types of birthdays, but considering how your life has been going, you’re making one up on the way.

As a recap, you are currently standing in front of the reception desk inside a questionable 2-star motel. Your room is on the highest level, that being the ninth floor, and there is no elevator. Tony Stark, your deadbeat of a soulmate, decided to rush down to the lobby to obtain a business card with an address on it—while still being in your pajamas. This leaves you with a rather limited set of options for when your soulmate (a genius) will most likely arrive in his high-tech, attention-drawing Iron Man suit.

Run out of the building and try to hide in an alleyway or find a crowd to blend into.

Run up the stairs to gather your backpack then run away.

Ask the receptionist if she’s a snitch, then hide behind her desk.

Do nothing.

The first option, although the most appealing, isn’t the smartest. With you being a lady in a nightgown running into the night, there will be no doubt some predator waiting to attack. Additionally, without so much as your flip phone and keys, you stand no chance of getting back into your apartment while also sacrificing your most expensive possession (the phone).

Looking at the second option makes it seem plausible, until you’re reminded that you have never run a marathon, much less bolted up nine flights of stairs. Even if you managed to get to your room in time, the great genius most likely noted your motel room number and will be bee-lining it your way.

Although the third option wouldn’t be your first choice, considering how the others are lining up, it seems to be a worthy consideration. There is a lot of room for error, and you run the chance that she is a snitch. Afterall, when facing the boy-billionaire, it’s hard for any woman to say no. Even if she isn’t a snitch, doesn’t the suit have some form of heat-radiation-detection-thingy? It would be rather naïve to not have all the military gadgets installed to resemble a Mission Impossible movie. Now that you think about it, it’s going to be remarkably difficult to hide from someone who has a toolbelt that rivals Inspector Gadget.

Which leaves you with the final option. You are not doing the final option.

This is as much analyzing you can do because you are wasting precious time!

Without further consideration, you turn around inside the lobby in hopes of finding something to cover yourself with. In the corner you spot a raincoat that doesn’t fit the evening’s weather but is better than nothing. On top of the coat rack you took the raincoat from, there was a bucket hat. Perfect! Quickly putting everything on, you begin to make your way outside.

The receptionist behind you yelled something in which you shouted back, “I’ll bring these back! I promise!”

Stepping outside into the mildly brisk New York night, you felt confident in your abilities to blend in with the night people. Sure, you don’t have shoes on which is a bit of a red flag in your disguise, but hopefully the night will mask your socks.

‘I got this. I got this. I got this,’ you repeated to yourself as you depressingly realized there were no people around.

One of the things you learn in horror movies is to never look behind you, and since you wished to take no chances, you maintained that fact of fiction. Another thing is to never go into the darkness, but since you were wearing fuzzy socks instead of shoes, the darkness would be a better bet.

You tried to stay out of the line-light of the streetlights, but this part of town seemed to be nicely lit to your dismay.

Correction, insanely lit. The area around you was constantly brightened up and it seemed that the more you walked down the sidewalk, the brighter the light got. There was no in-between darkness like how streetlights were typically separated.

Looking up in confusion, you gasped in bafflement.

It was at this moment you heard something like a putter become silenced as the sound of heavy metal dropping temporarily replaced it. This noise seemed to be coming from where you had just left—in front of the motel’s main entrance. He has arrived.

This new piece of information got swept under the rug as you continued to gaze up at the sky. The streetlight-less sky. As in, there is no light above you to light your path. In fact, as you tilted your head to look in front of you, there wasn’t a single streetlight on this side of the sidewalk.

Your face is contorted to one of amazement and terror as you slowly let your head fall down to your body. There, from under the thick raincoat, you could see a light shining from the bottom of the coat. Reaching for the clasp that you had used to close the coat previously, you then noticed that your hand was glowing. Not letting that stop you, you undid the clothing you stole only for a beam of light to escape from every corner that you opened.

You are, for lack of better terms, a fully lit Christmas tree. Every inch of your skin is glowing, and it was so strong that it was emitting through your nightgown creating a bright silhouette of your body underneath.

Squeaking in embarrassment, you tied the raincoat back up to try and shield away possible onlookers and save your dignity.

This is when the noise from before was taken out from under the rug and presented to you on a silver platter.

Whipping your head back up from gazing at the lighthouse that is now you, you twisted your body to stare at the reason for the clanking metal from before. There, a few yards away, was the Iron Man. From breaks in the suit you could see glimpses of a light shining through. The light that was no doubt emitting from your soulmate.

‘Oh god,’ you thought in bewilderment. This is the person you were destined to be with, the one you have cast away because of what his genius mind has done. The man you hate.

There the two of you are, separated only by a few steps in the night. You stand like a deer in headlights except you aren’t the deer but instead the headlight. He wasn’t doing anything, just looking at you from inside his dented-up mask.

‘Can I outrun this?’ The answer was no but that didn’t stop you.

You don’t know what it would be like to run in a marathon, but this might be a casting call. You went from headlights to car really quick as you ran as fast as you could down the street. Granted, you knew that outrunning him is impossible considering his clear advantage, and it also doesn’t help that you’re a thousand glowsticks taped together. But when the very man you have been running away from since the age of 16 is now behind you, any idea is worth taking a chance on than possibly encountering that wild Pokémon.

As could be expected, you didn’t make it very far. Deciding to chance a look behind you, and saw nothing there, you turned back around only to run full force into a wall. Except this wall is metal. And alive. And 100% not what you want to be dealing with on your birthday.

Falling on your butt from the sheer force that was the Iron Man, you couldn’t help but yelp as your tailbone seemed to get the worst hit. That’s going to hurt later.

So there you are, laying down on the cold New York sidewalk in a stolen hat and raincoat with nothing but your nightgown and fuzzy socks to keep you warm. Your heart was beating considerably faster, but whether that was from the run or the soulmate being in proximity, you were unsure.

He took a few steps back then released himself from his metal body, stepping out onto the brightly lit sidewalk. His face was a little banged up and wetsuit-type clothing in possession of some minor rips, but he was no doubt glowing as bright as a star. It seemed to be that by proximity, the shine that the two of you emitted was growing ever stronger as the distance was being closed.

Reaching his hand out, he gestured for you to take it as a means of being helped up off the dirty ground. Then, something twisted and snaped inside your heart. Your brain no longer clouded by adrenaline but of an equally powerful drug—rage.

“Hey--,” he began but was cut short as you slapped his hand away, perhaps with a little more force then necessary.

You watched as his face went from shock to confusion, like the mere thought of anyone touching him in a way that wasn’t gentle, was taboo. At the same time, the glow started to fade away, as if the skin contact was enough to flick a light switch into the off position. Within a few seconds of stunned silence, the only light remaining was of a distance streetlamp and the faint glow of the metal handicap within his chest.

Quickly getting up from the ground by yourself then taking a step back, you stood as tall as you could while in the presence of such a highly regarded individual. You hate him, for good reason, but he is still a man with power, lots of power.

Even after straightening your spine you can’t help but note he is a whole head taller than you, very contrary to what you believed from watching the TV. Additionally, the screen didn’t do justice to his good looks, up close he looked even more spectacular . . . wait, what?

He chuckled, “Okay, you’re probably confused. I get it, lot to take in.”

Whatever he was referring to, most likely the slap of his hand, you couldn’t care less. He was talking to you, the person you have been avoiding religiously, and you are saying nothing.

“Wow,” he continued. “You . . . you’re really here.”

What is there to say? At least a million and two things. You could start by introducing yourself, but that would defeat the point of remaining anonymous.

Tony released a breathless chuckle, his voice soft but charged with excitement, “I just can’t believe it. It’s—this is it! We’ve finally met.”

How do you explain to someone who thinks they’ve done nothing wrong that everything is wrong? That your life has been a rollercoaster of emotions and bad deals because of him? Anger boiled in your chest, but something was suppressing an outburst. You couldn’t pin your finger on the emotion, but it was strong.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” You came back to reality as he asked you a question, staring at you expectingly.

His eyes looked . . . hopeful. Like a child has just been shown a bucket full of candy and the only thing that could damper their mood is to take the candy away.

You’re going to take the candy away.

Your tongue swept across your dry lips, readying your first words to this increasingly intimidating man. Perhaps the reason he was becoming intimidating was because you never actually planned for an accidental meeting. There was the thought that you would yell at him, scream, curse, give him an earful. Yet here you are, a thousand things to say but no words to say them. He is intimidating because you are in the presence of the great Tony Stark, and your mind has already built in a program explaining to you that he is nothing else but a celebrity on a screen. You and he have nothing in common—except you do. You two have a very big something in common.

“Forget . . . ,” you started, struggling to make words connect. “Forget that you saw me.”

This was for the best. If he really is your soulmate, he’d respect your wishes. Afterall, what are soulmates for if not servants to each other? Besides, this really is for the best. He’s oblivious to the pain he’s caused and is ignorant of the full story. As far as he’s probably concerned, this is the best day of his life. The first day of a long life spent with someone else, forever not alone.

His eyebrows knit together as he makes an interesting face that mimics a comical expression of confusion.

“I don’t follow. What’re you talking about?” He asks. “How am I supposed to forget something so captivating?”

The compliment goes over your head, too focused on managing this situation and tilting it into your desired path.

“This meeting shouldn’t be happening,” you struggle to maintain a steady heartbeat as your head began to drift down.

“I completely agree,” he replied.

Your head whips back up, shocked by his response. Did he understand? Is this some form of soulmate ability you’re unfamiliar with? Maybe this birthday is starting to brighten up.

A smirk is perched on his lips as he continued, “Dinner then? I didn’t mean for all this to happen while you were in your pajamas, so let’s start out fresh where we’re both prepared.”

The hope dies quickly as now you need to clarify what you meant.

“I was thinking about a steakhouse. You like steak? There’s this place that holds a constant reservation for me so--,” he was starting to talk again but you interrupted him.

“I don’t want to go out for dinner,” you tried to clarify.

He paused as his eyes showed something like a processor going through his brain.

“Yeah, good point. It’s a bit formal to start out with. Besides, probably best to avoid the crowds after the show I made,” he chuckled while pointing in the direction of the expo. “PR is going to have a field day. However, I do have to warn you, I make an impression everywhere I go.”

Towards the end of his statement he then made a motion to himself as if saying ‘I am Tony Stark, after all’.

The overinflated ego oozing out of this man was almost intoxicating, making it hard for you to breath. Not to forget that everything that was could out of your mouth was going over his head.

You tried to reinstate your point, “I don’t want to go out with you.”

This sent him into a moment of more analyzing, trying to decipher the latest bit of words you sputtered out. Everything you’ve said so far made sense to you, but it didn’t make a whole lot of sense to him.

“Okay . . . I can work with that,” he paused. “So, what do you want to do?”

“I want you to leave me alone,” you replied bluntly.

A few seconds passed by while both of you stood at an impasse. You’d like nothing more than to go back to your motel room and pretend none of this ever happened, but if you do this right, you’ll never have to worry about your relationship with Tony Stark ever again.

“Now why would you want something like that?” He asks suspiciously, slightly tilting his head to the right in curiosity.

Well? What’s your response? Sure, you have a reason (a damn good one at that), but is he worth reliving that terrible experience? Honesty is most likely the best response, but he just isn’t worth your time.

“Once upon a time I asked for this—a connection. But now, I don’t need it,” you sighed in frustration. “And frankly, I don’t want it.”

This took him back, not expecting someone to reject him. Him. Tony Stark. Surely rejection isn’t an often-had drink that he has.

“I’m not following,” he said, you could hear his voice raise in equally matched frustrations. “We’re meant to be together. That’s literally the whole idea of a soul—sorry, were you not educated on this topic?”

Your face changed into one that looked to be light anger, for this man who doesn’t know a thing about you, is questioning your knowledge.

“Yes, yes, I do know what soulmates are along with their premise. I don’t want one,” you solidify the statement with a subtle nod on your part, mentally confirming to yourself that this is what you wanted.

He seemed to almost scoff, “What? Fate has put us together; this is something you don’t just throw away. It’s something you accept, what everyone accepts.”

This bull is not going down without a fight, so it’s time to put your game face on. You tried to do this civilly, but if you need to play a little dirty, so be it. He should be familiar with the premise, considering his previous line of work resulted in the death of so many. The primary executioner of your father needs to know exactly how much you don’t need him.

“Yeah, just like how I accepted--,” you bit your tongue, the thought of your parents passing still stinging your heart. You almost slipped, almost admitting to him his own sins. Instead you say with a little wetness in your eyes, “I don’t owe you anything, nor an explanation. You’re just a problem I don’t need. Soulmates are your reality, Stark, not mine.”

The band aid has been ripped; you’ve given him your thoughts. And based on his silence, you’ve managed to say the right things. It only took a few moments after your statement, however, before he spoke again.

“Please rethink thi--,” he began softly, only to be cut off once more.

“I don’t need--,” here it is, the salt into the exposed wound. Time to cut the head off the snake. The venom was practically dripping down your chin as you finished your sentence, “--some overinflated ego telling me what my life is supposed to be like. This is my future, mine.”

In that moment, you felt something in your heart strain. It didn’t hurt, but it certainly couldn’t be ignored. And then, for a split second, you thought maybe this wasn’t the best idea.

No going back now.

[underland-posting]

Long ass rant about why I think people don’t like The Underland Chronicles

I saw a conversation on Reddit about why TUC wasn’t nearly as popular as Harry Potter and Percy Jackson and all other fantasy novels about kids fighting against great evils and somebody presented a really good point.

TUC is incredibly realistic. They are realistic in the sense of the effects of all of those awful experiences aren’t cured by the power of friendship. When the adventure ends, that doesn’t and didn’t mean it’s all okay. A lot of Suzanne Collins’s stories are extremely realistic when portraying kids in these horrible situations— The Hunger Games is her most notable example. But we’re not here to talk about her other works— Gregor is who we’re here to analyze.

I read through the entire series a couple of times these past few weeks (I swear I’m normal) and the more I look at it, the more I really realize just how much being in this war messed up Gregor. He was 11 when he first went down, and 12 going on 13 when he left. He fought a war and killed sentient beings, witnessed murder, witnessed a literal genocide, and had all the scars to prove it. He was a little boy.

To get to the point, I feel like the reason this story is so much less popular than it should be is because it never gave that happily ever after everyone was used to. His story ends in uncertainty. He is scarred, hurt, has extreme PTSD, and he’s supposed to just… go back to normal after all of this? Even in Virginia, far away from New York, how could he go about his regular life again? Mrs. Cormaci even equated him to her late husband, who was a war veteran— whether it was Vietnam or WWII I can’t tell.

There was no clear ending. Gregor lived a lifetime and a half at only 11 years old. There was no joy, no celebration, just a scar-covered child in his tiny apartment bedroom with his baby sisters who will never quite know what he went through. And I feel like that’s an uncomfortable reality to present readers with since a lot of people are conditioned to believe that there’s going to be a happy ending after we get through the chaotic scary part. But that’s not how it works. It just doesn’t.

That trauma has completely changed Gregor— he is a different person with a different life and different perspective on the world. He is not the same and he can’t go back to what he was before. And a lot of people who haven’t experienced that or just don’t know how it works find that unsatisfying or disquieting. The idea that trauma isn’t just something that can be cured with a couple days of R&R after a rough patch doesn’t compute. That’s something he has to live with forever, and it’s also something that it seems a lot of people don’t like.

I could go on and on but I’ve been rolling around these thoughts in my head like a little freak for days. Of course, all of this is just an opinion (one fueled by poor sleep and a shitty med schedule) and none of this is to be taken as fact. These are based off my experience and things I’ve seen others say that just makes sense to me.

Addendum: I almost went into how much I relate to Gregor as a character just in general. How much of an impact it has that his story feels like it’s over as soon as he has to live a normal life again, how he already knows it’s impossible for him to be normal, how he’s already withdrawing from his family because no one else gets it and there’s nowhere else he can be or go: it makes me so evil I swear I’m okay I’m so normal

[yuseirra]

More about 159~

hahaha XD aw, GOSH this comic is CRAZY, I think it would be fun if I read it as books and in volumes, it's because it's incomplete, and scattered eps that things feel so tense and awkward, I'm sure. It'd have more sense of flow as a volume.

I wrote a lot of things based on my stream of consciousness this morning (because well I draw hikaai and I DO care a lot about character portrayals and analysis) and I want to share it with you all! I reread it after the heat of the moment and I find it really funny,

If you want to feel assured about Ai and Hikaru (and perhaps ONK as a whole) or like the ship hikaai, I feel this is another post that could help you. Like I said in my ch 159 review, if this ain't it, I have no idea where this is going to head and I might as well take a break off from this piece for a bit and get some air. P3R episode Aigis is coming out on the 10th (great timing!) but I think I'm on the right track. I got so many things right since I picked this up thus far :D So for now, here we go again:

This is just my intuition and a piece mostly based on gut feelings.

Ha;; This morning, I saw someone extremely worried about Kamiki and Ai and couldn’t leave them feeling uneasy... I’m not in a position to calm others down, though!! I'm the one who needs to be calmed!! give me time to brace myself!!! I get tense because I care about where the story's gonna go too!!! I analyze characters and make fan works. I HAVE to look into the source material and make sense of things in order to do that o<-< I’m really stuck with this manga, aren’t I? What a ride... Okay I know the character looks a bit out of it. But listen, even if we criticize the character, we should wait for the next chapter before doing so. Come on, what would Kamiki even LIE about in the first place? Let’s sit down and think calmly. Let’s go over the facts.

Honestly, it would have been better for Kamiki if Ai wasn’t an idol. If Ai hadn’t been an idol, Ai wouldn't have had to die for deciding to keep her very kids with him!! Ai was murdered because she was an idol who had a boyfriend and kids(it's an absurd reason but to Ryosuke, that was his reason to go through with it). If she hadn’t loved Kamiki, she wouldn’t have died. This isn’t Kamiki’s fault, of course!! To add, if Ai weren’t an idol, they might not have broken up in the first place. Even if they had broken up, Ryosuke wouldn’t have tracked Ai down and killed her!! Things would have been so much better for this character if Ai hadn’t been an idol. His situation on the matter, It's totally the opposite of Nino and Ryosuke’s!

To Kamiki, Ai was certainly one-of-a-kind and irreplacable, yeah. But from Kamiki’s perspective, Ai was never a perfect, flawless figure that he found the need to idolize. She was someone who learned acting from him, who was clumsy and scattered, who needed his guidance in the beginning. She shared the same pain, opened up to him, understood him, accepted him, and loved him. Even though she gave him a deep wound and they parted ways, even when he thought she didn’t love him anymore, she remained precious to him to the point where he was willing to give his life for her. She was the person he wanted to marry. Ryosuke and Nino would kill her for not being perfect enough, but that’s not who Kamiki is. He’s actually the biggest victim of that incident only after AI herself. If Ai had survived, he might have been able to meet their children, reunite with Ai, clear up misunderstandings, and more importantly, Ai would still be alive. That alone would have made life more bearable for Kamiki than living in a world without her. I keep saying this but I'm sure he wouldn't have leaked the address to Ryosuke on purpose. I wrote many theories about this and I came to a conclusion that it must have been a mistake on his end, after getting drunk from sadness after Ai dumped him in the phone call. What kind of mastermind could he even be regarding this case? He was 19 at the time. It's total nonsense. There is no reason for him to try and attack Ai who tells him she has their children growing smart and healthy. He's lying about it to Aqua to make him feel better about avenging him because he believed that's what him and Ai's wanted.

What kind of grand conspiracy could a character like this possibly be behind? At least when it comes to Ai’s death, I don’t think he’s responsible. Even if he grew mad, I feel like that would have taken place after it happened. So what is it that this character wants? I’ve been curious about that too-

When I heard anime S2's opening, I immediately realized!! He wants to see Ai again! Would Aqua say something like,

Aqua has Ruby, Kana, and Akane. He’s not going to live just to get closer to Ai or live solely for her love. Maybe to fulfill Ai’s wishes, but that’s different.

“Without you, I cannot live anymore

I would sacrifice anything for you

I can’t get enough of your love

What should I use to fill in what’s missing?”

If Kamiki has any goal, it’s this: He's never been seen to have a desire for Ai to be the ultimate, perfect idol. He’s not twisted that way. If he’s twisted, it’s more like, “I’ll give anything for Ai.”

Think about it. If someone you love died, what would you want most? You’d want them to live again, right? You wouldn’t go around committing serial murders saying, “No one can surpass them!” You’d just want to see them again if there was even the smallest chance. That’s the most important thing. Nino and Ryosuke are twisted. They liked Ai as an idol, not as a person. But this person has two cute kids with Ai... even though they never got to see them properly. He says he has paternal love, and I believe that because there’s no reason for him to hate the kids. He was prepared to take responsibility, after all. Wouldn’t he be happy about having kids with Ai? Wouldn’t he find them adorable, especially since they look so much like him and the one he loves? Seeing how much he still cares for Ai, he’d probably love their kids too. He refers to them as "Yours(Ai's) and mine". He’d probably want to bring Ai back for the sake of the kids, if not for himself. He even believes Ai died because of him, so that would only add to his desperation and longing. When someone dies, they can’t come back, so that possibility doesn’t usually cross the mind-

However, It seems that the songs are saying there is some kind of hope for that becoming a reality even if the chances are very slim. To think Kamiki would have wanted to preserve Ai’s image as an idol and that's what's been driving him? No way. That’s exactly what killed Ai. He’d probably be sick of that... He just wants Ai to live. That’s his motive. He’s been hanging onto that.

As for the Hikaai ship, I had been holding off on judgment until Ai’s feelings came out. I felt like I won’t know until I hear from Ai herself how she feels about him so I waited out for quite long till the entirety of the movie arc, until it got its closure-

And it really occurs to me, people don’t seem to realize how much thought and conviction it takes for Ai to feel that strongly about a person.

Ai is scared, has a sensitive soul, overthinks things, is defensive, and gets wary. She’s afraid to love and get close to people because she doesn't want to get hurt.

But Ai couldn't give up Kamiki’s child because they were what she had with him, even while she was afraid it would be a burden to him!! Do you know how much certainty, affection, and love that takes? It doesn’t seem to resonate with people as much as it does for me, it's such a deep and strong feeling. That's what really got me. She was scared, but she still wanted them because they were theirs...and she protected their children with all her heart that point onward.

This kind of love is something that you might encounter just once in your lifetime, you might never get to meet someone like that at all.

So I thought, “Good for Ai. She found someone she loved that much.” Kamiki must have been a really precious person to Ai to make her feel that way.

In my opinion, for someone to make Ai feel like that, they would have to be the kind of person who would give out their every part of their organ, even their heart to her if that's necessary, and still think it’s not enough. And when you listen to the songs, the speaker does really seems to express that kind of emotion. That's why I thought 'Oh, this is definitely Ai's lover. This is Kamiki that's saying these things.'

You have to trust Ai’s judgment. Ai is serious about love, and she found someone to give it to. He's the one person she decided on. She wanted to live her life with him, worried about him until the end, named her children after jewels because they looked like the one she loved. Had her son who takes after his dad so much have the characters "love" and "longing" in his name. That’s how much she adored him.

What does that tell you? And when you look at the backstory, it seems Kamiki thought he loved Ai even more than she loved him.

Then that must mean he must have treated her really well. So, it’s not about whether Kamiki loved Ai or not anymore. That's totally just a given!! What’s important now is what he has done since Ai's death.

In chapter 155, he said he was "going to do what he could for Ai" and left. Then Aqua showed up near him in this chapter saying, “I need to save you.”

When you listen to the songs, the narrator keeps saying they don’t mind dying. This is a character who has already said they could die for Ai. So what will they do? I think they’re planning to die “for Ai.” But is offering something for Ai or dying for her really what Ai would want? No. Ai would want Kamiki to live and be happy, and they know that, but they’re lying to themselves. That’s the lie this character tells. It’s a self-sacrificing but self-satisfying kind of thing. That's why Aqua says the lies "are for his own sake". This also explains why Ai left a message asking to help Kamiki. This character is someone who could go to extremes "for Ai", but Ai didn’t want that, which is why Aqua is trying to stop it.

If this isn’t the case, then I won’t be able to make sense of this manga... Haha, the Persona 3 DLC will be out soon, so I’ll just go play that...

This feels right to me, though. If it’s not, I don’t know what else it could be;;

Maybe Kamiki's been possessed by an evil god? But even if that’s the case, the motive he has would probably still be about "saving Ai".

On another note, Kamiki was so gentle and kind in his tone when speaking to Aqua. He spoke really softly, didn’t he?

If he had been able to raise the kids with Ai, he would have been the type to pamper and spoil them... He'd have been a sweet dad. I feel like Ai really did choose a good guy to father her kids.

The way he speaks to Aqua feels quite similar to the last lines and atmosphere of the lyrics of Mephisto.. something about it will be brought up soon, I mean Aqua's wearing that same clothes.

To Kamiki, Aqua must be his and Ai’s cute son, right? But does he know Aqua’s soul is originally that of a 30-something-year-old doctor? If he’s possessed by an evil god, maybe he is aware of these things. But if he doesn’t, it might be a bit awkward. His son is almost the same age as him inside...

Aqua is Aqua, though? But that thought still made me laugh a little. I could imagine Kamiki suddenly speaking very formally towards Aqua upon figuring out he's actually the doc who aided Ai with delivering his children safely. Kamiki seems like the type to speak with a lot of courtesy... the way he speaks has been very polite. It depends on the character, but I think that is part of how he is originally.

[serquinndoesstuff]

I HAD TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST AND PUT THIS SOMEWHERE!!! ALSO THERES PROBABLY GRAMMAR MISTAKES SO SORRY ABOUT THAT!!

Character Analysis of Cosmo (based on dialogue and other stuff!!!)

- Disclaimer: I’m stupid and may or may not misinterpret stuff and I’m not the best at analyzing stuff…! BUT I LOVE THIS LIL GUY SO ILL TRY MY BEST!!!

- Based on his active ability and the whole purpose of his character within Gardenview itself (teaching kids to be generous) one can see that Cosmo is a very kind person, he quite frankly sacrifices himself for those around him. Due to his self sacrificing nature it can definitely lead to him having self doubt about his abilities or not enough (compared to other toons at least) as shown in some lines

- Completing a machine:

- “Hmm… maybe I could improve some”

- “I think that was uhm, good enough?”

- “Finished! How fast was that?”

- Active Ability:

- “I hope this cookie isn’t too dry…”

- From these lines we can see that Cosmo’s tends to fret over what he’s doing, I mean there are lot of expectations for you when you’re a healer yknow? (This is based on game logic, because in this case Cosmo literally acts as life support for others! That’s quite a bit of pressure!!!”

- The lines above and other lines from the game can also show Cosmo constant want to improve whether it be tweaking recipes (questioning if his baked goods are too sweet, too dry, or even trying to make each cookie cookie delicious!) to even doing machines (questioning how fast he was or outwardly be aware that he could make improvements)

- He’s also tries to be considerate of others and always willing to give a helping hand (ref to his generous part of his personality). He also tries his best to uplift other toons despite their situation…

- Examples of this in Dialogue,

- Conversation with Astro, Cosmo states, “You look a little down… Do you want a cookie break later?” He even later says that if Astro reconsiders his offer that he’ll be ready!

- Conversation with Boxten, where Cosmo states, “I think you do great! Try not to stress about it…!” This displays Cosmo’s kind hearted nature alongside woth showing that he tries his best to affirms his friends!

- Conversation with Finn, Cosmo says, “Hey Finn did you need anything to feel better…?”… Do I have to repeat myself?

- These are only SOME of the examples of Cosmo’s consideration and kindness that he holds for other toons (more examples can be seen with interactions such as Flutter’s, Sprout’s, and maybe Pebble’s with the whole treat things)

- He also tends to take things literally or at least tends to be a bit clueless when things aren’t clear,

- Examples in Dialogue,

- Gigi’s whole conversation with him, Cosmo literally fell for the “it says gullible on the ceiling!” Trick

- Finn’s and Cosmo’s conversation with him not understanding the “Sturgeon” joke until Finn fully explained it

- Debatable: Shrimpo’s conversation with him, Cosmo takes Shrimpo’s words literally about going back to the last floor (I personally feel that Shrimpo says things to say them and doesn’t actually literally mean that he wants to go back if that makes sense???)

- He’s also the type of guy who really enjoys spending time with those who he considers as friends!

- Examples in Dialogue;

- His whole friendship with Sprout… They spend at least a good amount of time together if they’re bffs/friendship bracelets

- Conversation with Ginger, in that conversation he’s literally happy over the fact that he’s able to spend time with his cousin especially since they don’t get to see each other too often

- Conversation with Goob, Cosmo actively seeks to hangout with Goob here, inviting him to taste test cookies (something that Cosmo most likely knows that Goob loves based on his attentiveness with others!!!)

- Conclusion: Cosmo is so much more than a silly cakeroll and his friendship with Sprout (no hate to Fruitcake at all, I frankly enjoy the ship dearly). He’s a character who genuinely loves to spend time with others while also trying his best to be there for them in any way that he can. He’s definitely not perfect either as seen with his self doubting, self sacrificial, and literal-mindedness mindset. Overall I just think he’s a great comfort character and is literally one of my favorites… Sorry for yapping <3

[object-show-opinions]

what do you think about X?? ^^_^^

I have been procrastinating for so long for this one, as I feel 4 and X can be pretty random and hard to analyze, but my 7 followers need me!

X, X, little X-y. The beloved co-host to Four’s sadistic tendencies, and even called the favorite host by the TPOT-ers… before Two became nice

X obviously debuts in “X Finds Out His Value” and gets 4’s help to find out his value, which turns out to be 7. Not much to say here, other than that it lays a pretty good foundation for what would come later in BFDI.

X properly shows up as we know him in BFB, to kind of serve as Four’s co-host and as his reverse, showing more kindness to the contestants, but still having the characteristic chaos of the Algebraliens that we knew of the time, driven home by the the fact they didn’t have a set asset.

They serve to help Four with challenges, clearly being good friends with them, although their relationship doesn’t seem to be that good in pre-split. When the split happens, he first decides to stay with Two before being stolen back by Four as the first challenge of Battle for BFB.

With this in mind, I’m going to take a quick detour to 4x because it can be pretty important with how close the characters are. 4x can DEFINITELY be toxic at times. Four isn’t really great at showing his affection at first despite how long they know each other and X can be kind of fickle. Although they mourn 4 during the finale of BFB, other times they don’t quite seem interested.

That’s not to say they don’t work well together. Despite Four not showing it well, they DO care, as a fact. X, like I said, does miss Four when he “leaves” (I don’t really know how to decide what happened” and literally does not know what to do when Four is multiplied into oblivion in pre-split. They’re an interesting duo.

Back to the topic I was actually asked to write about, I really like seeing how X progresses. At first, to me he was more boring then Four: silly and kind of cute, but not much else. BFB in general was never my favorite season, so that also makes my opinion complicated. So at first, my thoughts on X were generally negative.

But what’s really interesting is seeing how X grows more confident with time. At first, despite being an algebralien like Four, they don’t seem to have any powers. However, we see the little things he and Four do together as Four trains him, with X being a lot more powerful and seemingly more confident then when we first met him, which honestly made me think a lot higher of him.

One more thing that makes me like X a little more now is how the writers managed to keep him somewhat consistent, which has always been a problem for me when it comes to Four and even Two in the earliest episodes of TPOT. He’s always been a little silly, a little sadistic, and someone who cares but also has their own opinions and thoughts.

Final summary, X confuses me but he’s been climbing up the ladder, and I’d like to see more of him in TPOT, maybe even in a potential season 6. They’re pretty cool overall.

[death-in-a-handbasket]

One thing that bothers me about some ranpo fans is that they woobify him. Like, the mans kinda neurodivergent coded, and people tend to act like hes "baby" for those traits

my brother in christ, that is an adult man! He struggles with some things but that doesn't mean he wouldnt go to a sex shop or have kinks or whatever

YES SO TRUE 🙏

gonna go on a bit of a rant here because I have a great many feelings on this and honestly anon if you wanna dm me to go on a discussion spree I’d be all for it >:)

okay see, I get what they mean when they point out how immature and energetic he is, but at the same time every character has stupid and strong parts to them in different ways. Take even someone as serious as Fukuzawa, who tries offering fish to ever cat there is, or perhaps Dazai, who is one of the most complex characters in bsd, and yet is always knee deep in a prank of some kind

Ranpo is an immature shit but that’s because he wants to be as a sort of reclaiming of a childhood he was deprived of and because it makes things easier to be happy-go-lucky, but he’s still an adult and perfectly capable of acting like one, so seeing people baby him completely without acknowledging the fact that he’s seen dead bodies in all sorts of states and has knowledge on pretty much everyone’s personal beef at a glance, well it’s kind of a letdown from a fandom that has such pride in analyzing its characters. if y’all wanna be so smart as to make comparisons between Dazai, his irl counterpart, and the books he wrote, you can do the exact same with Ranpo and read all about eroguro (and the rabbit hole known as pink films I found on the side while researching)

innocent and baby. yeah sure LMAO

this isn’t to say they’re wrong for making him goofy, I just wish he was known as a whole and not just for certain parts, like have we forgotten he’s on par in intelligence with Dazai 😭 cmon now guys

I could spend all day sitting down and talking about the intricacies of his character and any bsd character for that matter, and as someone who is legit diagnosed autistic also with a baby face, just because someone is neurodivergent and silly in the face doesn’t stop them from from being absolutely vile on the down low, me and the majority of my friends are walking examples of this, and let me tell you the server convos get WILD