#the extremely funny thing is that people react to sea life the way the book portrays monsters. like OUH ITS FUCKED UP AND TERRIBLE

[attractthecrows]

I'm gonna ramble for a bit but the more i think about it the more the Society is just wholly ridiculous. Warthrop goes on and on and on about how he studies REAL creatures that are monsters NOT MYTHS. But what the hell is the definition of "monster" if you remove the mythos? an animal of strange or terrifying shape. ANIMAL. "Philosopher of aberrant biology" jsut fucking call yourselves biologists

"weehh it's aberrant biology its different"

do these things eat. do they sleep. do they breed. do they have normal natural behaviors and a native habitat. THEY'RE ANIMALS. they are animals. if there's a large enough population to sustain themselves that all have similar traits then it's not aberrant its just how they are

"the things we study are deadly and monstrous and extremely weird!"

so's a mantis shrimp

[lukeios]

The plot holes of Eldarya

Hello wonderful people of Eldarya fandom! Along with some other players we have prepared a little something for you: The list of all the plot holes in the first season of Eldarya. 

The list has over 2000 words in total. I am so, so proud of us and I would love to give special thanks to @aokane-eldarya who wrote probably over 1/3 of this by herself! Everyone who participated is tagged, so make sure you check out their blogs! 

And of course, before we start: this is not an attack on Beemoov - it’s merely a critic of their writers. More under the cut. 

@kyriechristeeleison

- Chrome surviving Leiftan's attack. Leiftan isn't an amateur killer and wouldn't let him stay alive.

- Game said Leiftan never kills children and yet the next episode he tries to kill Chrome.

- Chrome saying he contacted Leiftan, event though the other episode informed us he "summoned" him. 

@cintanna-rants

- A plot hole between Valkyon's spin-off and the game. In the spin-off, he dreams about his mother even though in the game he couldn't have seen her at that point. 

- During the Leiftan & Erika vs Lance fight in the last chapter, Lance acts like he thinks Erika is just a simple human, yet in chapter 26 he fainted precisely because he discovered she was an aengel and thought he knew why Leiftan wanted her.

- Leiftan “sacrifices” to tell Valkyon about Lance’s weakness (a neck injury). None of this is mentioned in the last battle nor ever again. Why did Leiftan sacrifice for then? What was the point of making him betray his pact with Lance and risk his life if that info doesn’t matter? 

@aokane-eldarya

- Leiftan threatens Lance to kill him, as well as all the other members of his race, if he hurts Erika: not only does he do nothing when Lance kidnaps Erika (while we have the proof in episode 30 that Leiftan is still able to subdue Lance), but Valkyon is the only other dragon in existence.

- By extension, he didn't react as expected (if we refer to his personality) to the story of the potion.

- Leiftan who is the demon of the crystal: he was able to act normally while having a part of his mind threatening the Oracle, which is absurd (nonrespect of the principle of the cost of use of magic ). During his imprisonment, Miiko talks about the fact that the corruption stopped suddenly and Leif explains that he stopped because Erika suffered from it. If Leiftan had had the power to stop the corruption caused by the Naytili crystal (and therefore, by someone other than him), he would have done it immediately since he knew from the start why she was suffering. In any case, it was not Leiftan who stopped corruption, it was the use of the Fenghuang flute.

- Leiftan tells Erika that he did it all for her. But the fact is that he started acting before Erika arrived on Eldarya and she doesn't think it's strange. 

- In the spin-off, Leiftan says he will respect that Erika doesn't follow him, suggesting that he will pursue his goal. In the end, as soon as Erika holds it against him, he decides to abandon his projects and accept his "mistakes". The funny thing is that it's been weeks, even months that we know what Erika thinks, he could have given up before.

- Episode 30, the "Lance VS Erika and Leiftan" confrontation. The writing suggests that Lance doesn't know Erika's race, which is wrong. It will also be noted that Lance didn't think of using the dragon spell that had allowed him to imprison Leiftan the time he came to destroy the crystal.

- In episode 15, the history teacher tells us that the daemons refused to sacrifice themselves.

- Then thanks to Fafnir, we learn that, in reality, Lilith and her supporters were for the sacrifice, Dagon and his supporters were against; they killed each other.

- Episode 30, Erika says that she and Leif must sacrifice themselves because their ancestors refused to sacrifice themselves.

- It will also be noted that hundreds of dragons sacrificed themselves for the Blue Sacrifice, but that it lacked just the equivalent of a daemon / aengel for the vegetables to be nutritious.

- Erika who doesn't remember that Dagon was one of the daemons invoked by Naytili

- Leiftan had a redemption. When he died, there was a white feather. Leiftan should have fought with his angelic aspect and not only with his demonic aspect.

- Depending on the situation, the terms aengel and daemon are used either to denote the same thing or to denote two different things.

- Lance refers to Erika and Leiftan by saying "the aengel and the daemon", even when Erika says to her "I am a daemon".

- Ezarel fights with a foil, a training weapon that cannot hurt. He uses it as thrusting and cutting weapon whereas it is only a thrusting weapon.

- The Guard sends civilians to unprotected villages; Lance just had to go there to use them as leverage.

- Lance, who is experienced, attacks by arriving by sea, a disadvantageous position because exposed, to arrive on a beach in a basin with only one narrow exit, with then the optic of crossing a meadow also exposed. The Guard decided it would be funnier if it got stuck on the beach itself.

- Lance is ready to negotiate: he agrees to allow the Guard to evacuate the faerys on Earth (The same faerys he wants to destroy). The famous faerys which are not there because evacuated in the villages. It will also be noted that suddenly the total population of Eldarya is reduced to only the inhabitants of the Guard.

- Lance donated ingredients for two gates: two gates to evacuate hundreds of people. I thought it was too expensive per person.

- Lance sent Enthraa, a mermaid who can't get out of the water, to kill Erika and Miiko ; Erika and Miiko thought it would be a good idea to be within the range of Enthraa.

- In episode 30, the hamadryads meet around the ancient tree of Yvoni. The same tree that had burned and the remains of which had been removed.

- One day, Leiftan and Lance released a monster who swallowed all the knowledge of the library. We still don't know why.

- Everyone knows that the dragons have sacrificed themselves. Even Lance. It was while reading books in the library that his hatred developed, suggesting that there is information that we don't have about the Blue Sacrifice. We still don't know this info: Lance just seems to blame the faeries for letting the dragons sacrifice themselves, nothing else.

- How did Lance and Leiftan become partners? We don't know. Why does Leif say that without him Lance is nothing? We don't know.

- How did Ykhar know that Leiftan was a traitor? Where did the hostage go?

- Ykhar and Chrome who tell an experienced killer that they are going to report him.

- Chrome who says that Leiftan manipulated him to join him whereas, in a previous episode, Leiftan reminds Chrome that it was he who called him.

- Some members of the Guard speak several languages, but no one can read the instructions on a package of pasta. And since Erika seems to have no idea where the language is located, it must be a package of alien pasta.

- Ewelein was to give us a gift. We are still waiting.

- The faerys had recent humans books, like Twilight. Ykhar didn't know what television was: yet, her favorite book was Barjavel's " The Night of Time", in which we talk about television.

- Oluhua said that it was not possible to use Leiftan's blood to transfuse Feng Zifu, without explaining why. She was not on Leiftan's list of traitors, so we still don't know what Oluhua knows.

- Miiko announces to us that there is a ritual acting as a lie detector. She must have forgotten its existence when she had to find the traitors of the Guard.

- Erika learned to understand the familiars. She quickly forgot about it.

- Erika is described as a high school student in the CGU. In the story, she is around 23-24 years old since she finished her studies.

- the Guard claimed to be able to detect dragons. Lance and Valkyon are proof that this is not true.

-  Nevra, as a vampire, is able to smell blood from a small cut. Her sister was unable to smell the blood in Ykhar’s room.

@lukeios

- (Death TW) Ykhar's death and her body looking pale after 2-3 days in the room. Total disregard for research. The body should be in stage 2 of decomposition.  

- The clothing and armors. Dressing a warrior into an armor that shows stomach - the most vulnerable part of the body - is somehow inappropriate, even for a fantasy setting. If they had other clothing used for battles OR the game would be pure fanservice - it would be ok.

- For some reason Lance's sword from The winter illustration seems like too much. It looks too broad, like a piece of a metal wall. It doesn't seem like it would be useful in a fight - it seems way too hard to use that thing than it would be necessary. Mind you - if something like this is happening in a fantasy setting, an explanation is mandatory. Is the sword extremely light? Is it made of a material that is changing shape? This point isn't exactly only about the sword. Beemoov keeps on throwing things at us without a proper explanation and if the explanation is even present, it's not explored enough. 

- Our pet is killed in episode 30. Does it change anything in the page section of pets? Is the exploration frozen? I don't think so. 

@waywardpeachworld

- Stealing food from Earth for many years without a way to preserve it. Not making a connection with any humans because "they are evil".

- Miiko told the MC there are humans in Eldarya who are searching for her. Where did they go?

- The potion fiasco. What happened to all the photos of the MC? Aren't her parents wondering "who is this girl who looks like us?" in the albums?   (according to an anon, the potion was able to erase any proof of her existence on Earth. No photos were left. Thanks, Anon! )

-They can make very powerful potions that literally erase somebody from the memory of everyone who had known them in a different realm but still cannot make a “potion” to preserve the crops they steal. 

- Ez's crimes were mentioned once and never again. This information seemed too important to just be left alone.

@glassmoonfortuneteller

- How at the beginning of the game, they mentioned us several times Erika’s special eye color (purple with golden light) and how this was an important clue to know what kind of faelienne she is. It’s never mentioned again even after we found out she’s an aengel. Apparently it wasn’t that relevant.

- How the guard has a portal to Earth near the HQ facilities but Erika never seemed interested in it to go and see it for herself since she arrived at Eldarya, especially since she was determined to know everything about the portals when she still had hope of going back to her world during the first episodes.

- When Lance kidnapped Erika, she finds out Enthraa is a traitor and that she’s working for him. After she’s rescued and goes back to the HQ, she doesn’t say this to the other members. They found out about it only when Enthraa ambushed Erika and Miiko in later episodes and gets killed.

- How food was rationed and limited at the beginning of the game, but in later episodes this doesn’t seem to be a problem anymore.

- How Lance said he found out about the sacrifice of the dragons in the library archives, but during Erika’s history classes in the HQ they said there weren’t any records about the blue sacrifice and all they knew was passed down through generations through oral traditions and tales. If that’s true, then Lance and Valkyon would have known about it since they were kids with adults telling them about the stories of the creation of Eldarya.

- What happened to Marie Anne after she was captured and purified of the faerie blood? She’s not mentioned again after that.

- Humans in Eldarya were mentioned once, and that’s it.

- How Erika is characterized as a very kind and empathic person but didn’t seem affected when she found out Ykhar was killed.

- How Leiftan was the one who killed Ykhar since he was with Erika and the other guard members in Memoria the whole time.

- Alajea’s fear of water is not a thing anymore.

- Why Erika took Valkyon leaving with Lance as a betrayal, she was right there when that happened and saw that he did it to protect her. 

@nelielombrelune

- Miko told us dragon’s ingrédients were necessary to open portals, but later she finally said those weren’t really “dragon” stuff but they called it like this because, you know, everything there is a mess.

- Humans were supposed to be a threat on Eldarya (Miiko mentioned secret societies like Illuminatis, Templars or Freemasons but we’ve never heard about them anymore)

- There is no real food in Eldarya and the Guard has to open portals to Earth to steal foodstuffs for Eels survival. They don’t know how to cook and eat raw pasta in the firsts episodes but a few episodes later they throw tea-parties where Karuto & Erika bakes crepes and cakes. 

- In episode 20, Leiftan says he's been waiting for Erika for years. Except that he does not seem to know who she is, nor her species or where she comes from, how she came here, nor her connection to the Oracle...

- When we’re in Ashkore PoV he said his ancestors killed the daemons

- Once upon a time we had to choose a “job” (infirmary, library, and I don’t remember the third one), but we never hear about it in the next episodes.

- On the illustration where Leiftan saves Erika from falling off the cliff, his wings are white, he’s got only 2 and his horns have disappeared 

- In episode 30 Lance calls Erika “the human” though he knows she’s an aengel

- What about the war ? Lance killed his brother, Erika and Leiftan sacrificed themselves and then what ? Did Lance just leave after all the time he tried to destroy Eldarya ?

- “In episode 29 Miiko (I think it was her) says that they will have enough water for everyone because they filter rainwater but in episode 19 someone has said that it barely rains in Eldarya...”

@momiyi-chan

- Three enemies of Eldarya (Triades, Illuminati, and Templars) are mentioned but never make any appearance. It is said the Templars are trying to get MC to rescue her. Where are they?

- Until episode 20 the Guard was looking for the pieces of the crystal, that were scattered on Eldarya. That was never mentioned again. Crystal became irrelevant.

- Who taught Naytili to corrupt the crystals? Leiftan and Lance were very interested in learning that skill, but it was never touched again.

@hsakurausasuke

- Mary Anne is still rooting in prison. It's like she disappeared.

@velleitxs

- Erica cannot decide if she is an aengel or a human with the blood of an aengel

@susymei 

- Episode 15, we never learned the consequences of telling or not telling the Guard, that Ashkore was stealing food in the HQ. 

- Ashkore doesn’t kill Huang Hua because Erica likes her, and yet he wants to kill her few episodes later. 

- Episode 26. We can kind of flirt with Lance. There is some tension on the cliff (if you pick right choices) and he protects us from the heat of the volcano. The episodes afterward completely forgot about those choices - it’s like Episode 26 never happened. 

@valethari

- The episode in which Gardienne becomes a mermaid to go back from the Kappa Island to the HQ: She almost drowns and her S/O saves her and carries her up the stairs to the infirmary effortlessly and princess-style. When Colaïa was the one in the dungeon and Karen, Alajéa and Gardienne tried to bring her to the sea again, they said she was SO heavy because her tail is pure muscle, and between THREE people they had a lot of trouble carrying her.

Well, that was pretty long! Thank you for reading all of those! Have a nice weekend guys and stay healthy <3 

[pastelbatfandoms]

Get to know My OC-Meghana

01. What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick it for the symbolism, or did you just like the way it sounded?  I actually looked up names that went with either Hercules or Megara and found Meghana,which is an Indian name that means Thunder. 

02. What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness? Her biggest weakness is definitely her emotions and her powers are more dangerous when she’s emotional which makes them easier to exploit. 

03. What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves? Her natural beauty

04. What are their favorite traits about their lover? (one psychological and one physical)  

Hades- Meghana thought he was Charismatic,funny and cute when they first met,yes she knew he was The “Villain” of Olympus she just didn’t care. It was when he showed off his more intelligent and even gentler side that Megs started to fall in love with him.

Physically? I mean have you seen him? and I don’t mean his Blue skinned,monstrous side that everyone thought of. (not that she minded that) but his more human look but still godlike with the bright blue hair,piercing eyes,that magnetic smile and those muscles ♥♥

Harry Hook- Another one of her Lovers that has Charisma for days. Also being The Son of Captain Hook aka Killian Jones,Harry had a wild unpredictable side that Meghana loved. But Harry also had a Sensitive side that he showed to very few. 

Physically-Where to start?! Harry’s smile,that body,that hair,his killer dance moves,THAT ACCENT! 

05. Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?  Confident,even when she was a Virgin lol

06. Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying? No

07. Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)? 

08. What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?  Her Temper,But being with a band of Pirates they kinda embrace that. Her Impulsiveness,her stubbornness. 

09. Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday? Spring and Winter. They don’t really celebrate Holidays on The Isle. 

10. Is your character more feminine or masculine? Feminine but with God like strength 11. What is something that would make your character fly into a rage? Being left for someone else,being used. 

12. Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up? Well she kind of had to give up her Powers while on The Isle. (At least The Darker ones.) But probably her Inner Strength. 

13. What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker? Light sleeper,if she sleeps at all. Cannot sleep alone,but always looks like she’s sleeping peacefully. 

14. Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates?  Meghana’s never truly been alone. First it was being born into a family of Gods,then getting sent to The Isle with Hades,then joining Uma’s Crew after Hades dumped her. 

15. Is there a certain person in this world that they cannot stand? The very mention of this person’s name makes them tremble with anger or fear.  Maleficent. But not out of fear.  16. Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like? Her Father is The Hero/Demi God of Strength,what do you think? 17. Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children? Yes well Marriage anyway. 

18. What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode?  Anyplace her loved ones are,she’s very adaptable. 

19. Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?  Meghana can be peaceful until you push her buttons,being a student of Hades and on a Pirate Crew you better believe she has a Temper. Uma and Harry taught her how to fight without the use of her powers and she has become rather good at it. 

20. Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? What about mythological creatures? Yes,her Favorite’s are Big Dogs and Horses. Her favorite Mythological creatures are Pegasi,Unicorns and Cerberus.  21. What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?  Well she’s already dealt with being Abandoned,I suppose her parents hating her and never being allowed back in Olympus. (Which doesn’t happen)

22. What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?�� Besides her Godlike Beauty she doesn’t really have any other unique traits. But unlike most Greeks her hair is a Golden Red like her Fathers. (until she goes to the isle)

23. What is your character like when it comes to school? What subjects are they good/bad at? Do they get in trouble a lot or are well behaved? When Meghana was in School on Olympus she was a very good student. The Classes and School (which looked more like a Cathedral) were very different from Earth’s or even Auradon Prep. Meghana’s favorite were Music with The Muse Euterpe and Pegasus Riding with The Goddess Nike. 

24. In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like? I kinda already did....

25. Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day? Being sent to The Isle of The Lost by her Father and Zeus. 

26. What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc?  Hades is a very demanding yet gentle lover. If there is something Meg is not comfortable with,which is few and far between he comes to realize,Hades won’t do it. But when he’s jealous that’s another matter entirely. Hades can also be especially Seductive and persuasive when he wants something. 

Harry is very Charming and Flirtatious,though he gets Jealous as well,although it more has to do with his insecurities more than anything. Harry is very dominating and passionate in bed,usually taking the lead,unless it’s a day where Meg feels more Dominant then Harry can become Submissive as hell. Harry also likes using his Hook as well but not in an Extreme BDSM way more of an Enticing,seductive way. 

27. If your character was going to get arrested, what would be the most likely reason for it? Using her Powers and going Evil like Audrey did. But Aurodon doesn’t really do arrests,more like Banishment. 

 2 8. If your character became a celebrity, what would they be famous for? Model or Olympics.

29. What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?  

30. When it comes to the arts (music, film, theater, etc), what does your character like?  Greek Poetry,The Ballet,Musicals,Fine Art,Anything Opulent with a darker undertone,She also has a fondness for Dance Music and Black Metal. 31. Would your character be the kind capable of killing? Would they enjoy killing or only use it when necessary or, perhaps, refuse to kill no matter what? I think Meghana would only kill when Necessary,like if someone she loved was threatened or hurt,or if she was blinded by rage and betrayal. (like when Hades left her for Maleficent) 

32. If your character’s lover offered to take them out on a dream date, what would they want to do? A date with Hades would be a bit unusual,if still Gods,they would probably spend the majority of the time in The Underworld,then sneak up to the surface for a picnic. 

With Harry it would be a bit more daring,more going out at night on The Isle,teaching her how to sneak into places,teaching her how to sail and telling her about his adventures in Neverland when he was young. Causing a Ruckus wherever they went.

33. If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go? On Olympus it was to her favorite Water Fountain in The Nymph gardens,usually taking Pegasus along with her. There’s not much freedom on The Isle to be alone but at times she’ll go up to The Helm of The Ship or her Quarters for privacy. That’s usually only when she’s troubled though as she is the type to not like being on her own,especially on The Isle. 

34. Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc)  Grapes,Pomegranates,Apples,any fruit really as well as Bread. Though recently she has become fond of Sea Food. 

35. Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go? Megs is a DemiGod so No,she knows what lies ahead and is even looking forward to it.

36. Does your character have any medical conditions? Are they serious or minor? Do they affect their day to day life? No

37. What are some of your character’s pet peeves? What are some things that annoy them or disgust them? Flirting,being Manipulated,Liars,Judgemental people (Villains and Heroes alike) 

38. What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc? The Isle is usually cloudy so she has gotten used to that. Sun or Rain is both fine with her,Megs doesn’t really have a preference.  39. When people look at your character, is there some assumption they might make about them just by appearance? Is that assumption correct? Snobby,Evil,Immortal (Contrary to popular belief Gods are not) Selfish,Reckless,Naive,,Mean. Yeah she really is none of those things,she can be a tad Selfish at times but that is not always a bad thing. Also Just because she is Friends/in love with Villains does NOT make her one.  40. Does your OC have any guilty pleasures they enjoy? Hobbies, past times, music, etc that they wouldn’t want known by others?  Well few Heroes know that she still dabbles in the dark arts every now and then,even sneaking a peak at Mal’s Spell Book once or twice. Other then that not really no.  41. Does your character’s family affect your character in any way? They used to and to some extent still do,since she is stuck on The Isle. 42. Is there anything in your character’s past that they regret, haunts them, or they wish they could change?  Maybe encouraging Audrey to become Evil,Meg didn’t do it on purpose only saying she knew where Audrey was coming from and how she felt,also if SHE had Maleficent’s Staff....Also not liking Mal on The Isle because of her Mother... 43. Does your character have a switch that changes aspects of their personality whether they are around friends, family, etc. Is there someone who gets to see their true self? Not really. I suppose she’s more on and Intimidating to those she doesn’t know.  44. Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character? Losing Harry or any of her Friends on The Isle.  45. Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve? A bit of both. Though she has become more guarded as of late.

46. What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover? Meggie is The Queen of Affectionate gazes but on a more physical level,she does give her boys kisses on The Cheeks when she’s excited and neither Harry or Hades are averse to PDA. 47. Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along? Outgoing definitely. She started off as a bit more Introverted until she met Hades,but Megs has always had a Sassy,’I can take care of myself’ side just like her Mother.  48. Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious? Her Men flirting with someone else or being Flirted with. Which is a problem because both Hades and Harry are flirtatious by nature.  49. What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood? Not so much anymore. But she has had to wake up or comfort Harry during a particularly bad night terror.  50. If your character confessed love to their crush, boyfriend, girlfriend, etc, what would they say? When Meghana first confessed her feelings to Hades,during an intimate moment,Hades was at first taken aback,he never told her he loved her,until they were broken up,but he always called her My Queen or My Love so Megs took that as the same thing. 

With Harry it was very mutual,though they were both cautious at first,Harry looked at her one day while with the crew and whispered “I think I’m in love with you.” Megs responded back in kind and they’ve been together ever since. 

[karazor--el]

Interview Exclusive: Andrea Brooks on Working on Shows With Passionate Fandoms, Eve’s Development, and Favorite Things!

The CW’s Supergirl is mid-way through its fourth season and we had the pleasure of hopping on the phone with Andrea Brooks, who plays Eve Teschmacher on the series, to discuss what got her into acting; Eve’s progression throughout the series; as well as some of her favorite things!

FANDOMOPOLIS: So, how did you first get into acting? What inspired you to become an actress?

ANDREA BROOKS: I kind of fell into acting; I’ve been doing it for at least half of my life now, professionally. I was actually a competitive figure skater growing up and I attended an open casting call audition for figure skaters for a Disney movie. I ended up auditioning for a small role and they liked me. I went through a bunch of rounds of casting and wound up reading for the lead role – I didn’t get it, but by the end of that whole process I had an agent and a casting director who liked me. So, I really did fall into it through figure skating.

Did you know before then that you wanted to be an actress?

ANDREA BROOKS: Acting always appealed to me; before that I was in a theatre troupe. I still remember sitting around when I was four years old, watching Sesame Street and thinking, “oh, I want to be that kid talking to Cookie Monster!” It was always in the back of my head. I grew up fascinated by movies, and I used to cry when movies ended and the credits would roll.

How is it playing two completely different characters: one in a world with superheroes and aliens, and another in a coal mining town?

ANDREA BROOKS: It’s interesting and I feel very fortunate! I’ve been able to straddle this line for quite a number of years and play both roles, which I realize – a lot of people don’t have that opportunity. It’s fun to work on a show where you deal with a lot of dark scenarios, dealing with crazy political things; whereas, When Calls the Heart is a more positive show and about community, less fast-paced. When you’re playing two characters on the same day, there’s a lot of refocusing and tuning into your emotions that has to be done.

How have you enjoyed seeing Eve’s character develop from a mainly quirky, happy go-lucky character, to exploring a deeper development as she works with Lena?

ANDREA BROOKS: It’s beyond exciting. This season is my absolute favorite. The transition from her working at CatCo to L-Corp allows her to express herself in a more honest way, she’s really able to display who she is and hone her craft as a scientist and do more interesting work that appeals to her.

How fun was it to film 4×2 ‘Fallout’ with Melissa Benoist & Katie McGrath?

ANDREA BROOKS: There was so much funny, physical comedy in that episode… running around, being trapped, running through hallways, it was pretty chaotic to shoot – but hilarious and amazing. I adore Melissa and Katie and we get along famously; it really never feels like a work day with those two. We all love reading; podcasts; we all have so much in common. It’s an effortless, working friendship.

Did it surprise you to see how positively and quickly fans reacted to the “Team Science” pairing with Lena and Eve?

ANDREA BROOKS: It totally surprised me. We had joked about it, because any time anyone is paired with Katie – there’s going to be a hashtag. I had so many amazing messages from fans. Especially women who are in science, who feel that women in science are underrepresented on television, thanking me – and I find that so flattering.

With Eve’s Yale/nuclear science background, do you think we’ll see her aspire to be more than assistant at some point?

ANDREA BROOKS: Yes, I think that’s fair to say. I love that Eve is unassuming – you never know what she’s going to do or say. She’s spastic and unpredictable, but brilliant. I like that she’s multi-faceted in that way. There’s definitely more to come when it comes to Eve’s background. I’ve been extremely busy with the show for the second half of the season.

Have you learned any new science terms from playing Eve?

ANDREA BROOKS: Absolutely. A few of us, specifically our script supervisor, some of the crew, sometimes I wrangle Katie into this – we give ourselves little science lessons behind the scenes anytime we’re science-ing on set. I bought an art book on the periodic table recently; I like to think I kind of know what I’m talking about when I’m doing these things? It’s fun to do the side bits of research, without actually having to do science!

How is it being a part of two shows (Supergirl & When Calls the Heart) with such strong fan bases?

ANDREA BROOKS: It’s so fun! Both of the shows air at the same time on Sunday nights this year, so it’s pretty hilarious to open social media and watch two very different fandoms duking it out. I feel so lucky to be a part of anything with a fan base at all, it’s a total gift; getting to be a part of two different shows with fandoms that are supportive and love what we do, is just an absolute treat.

Onto some of “Andrea’s Favorites” –

Favorite scene to film so far from Supergirl?

ANDREA BROOKS: The scenes from ‘Fallout’ stand out to me as a favorite, because it was so fun, and funny to shoot. Or any time there’s action; I do love stunts. I love watching stunt people do their work and being involved in that. That scene at the end of season two where Eve brings in milkshakes and they explode – that’s fun. Anything physical – I’m a fan of.

Favorite costume of Eve’s on Supergirl?

ANDREA BROOKS: I love Eve’s outfits, especially recently! She’s grown up a bit from her CatCo days and come a long way from her rolled up sweaters. One of my favorites is actually what she wore in ‘Fallout;’ that pinstripe black dress with the blue belt. I absolutely love that dress.

Favorite custom of Faith’s on When Calls the Heart?

ANDREA BROOKS: I do love my nursing costume; we upgraded this season. For the past four years she had one nursing outfit, and then this year we re-constructed it with thicker fabric; it’s a cool period piece. I also love the coats, all the characters have fabulous coats, constructed from the ground up.

Favorite thing to do in Vancouver?

ANDREA BROOKS: We have a beautiful sea wall that runs all the way around downtown, and you can run it, bike along it, go on walks. In the summer, it’s a great thing to do; you can grab an ice cream and go for a walk around the sea wall. And I love biking; we’re a very active community and I quite like that because I’m pretty active. I love working out and walking places, and Vancouver’s a great place for that.

Photo credit: Judy Bishop on Flickr

Favorite current TV show?

ANDREA BROOKS: This is a bit embarrassing, but I am a bit of a reality show junkie. Right now, I’ve been watching a lot of these docuseries. I just watched the Michael Jackson one; Lorena; the OJ Simpson one that came out last year. I love true crime; so anything on that subject will be of interest to me.

Favorite vacation spot?

ANDREA BROOKS: Hawaii – particularly the Big Island, is gorgeous. Some of my favorite cities are Tokyo and Paris.

Favorite book?

ANDREA BROOKS: We’re on the subject of true crime – that still very much appeals to me in books. I recently read Bad Blood – actually Katie McGrath leant me that. It’s a story of Elizabeth Holmes and her sham Silicon Valley company that crumbled. I loved that. I’m reading Kitchen Confidential, the Anthony Bourdain biography. I’m reading Columbine – I have five books going at any time. Generally, I love non-fiction.

It sounds like fans of Eve certainly have a lot to look forward to in seeing Supergirl dive deeper into her background, and where her character is going next in the second half of season four. Thanks again to Andrea for chatting with us!

Fandopolis.

[cosmosfated]

   There's few lifetimes he can remember in technicolor.  Most of them are muted or otherwise lackluster, their colors taken or simply incorrect yet unable to be argued for one reason or another.  One such memory is in such high definition that not even divine intervention could mute the colors of.  Not because it was chaotic or too much was going on, no─ rather, just the opposite.  It was the peacefulness that got the better of his memory to remind him every time it could.  Oh does he wish he could forget, though.

   He told Lost that he'd sleep.  He didn't want to, he's fairly sure the fear in his voice was clear.  The both of them, they're haunted─ just not in the same ways and not to the same extremes. He's haunted though there’s no doubt, plagued with guilt and regret and fury long stifled.  Wreaked with wrath and envy, shouldering things that not even their world's self-proclaimed Atlas could even begin to think of.  That was his “normal”.  This is his curse.

He's rather quickly swept under the current, the feeling of drowning in light different than that of drowning in water or even tar. It hardly takes him any time to remember where he is, though, as he blinks away the discomfort of a suddenly bright room. Of course he remembers where he is. How could he ever forget?

He's in the royal library of the Capital, dressed in proper finery and robes, arms and face decorated with runes and jewelry, making sure that one of his classmates isn't dozing off again. He's younger, much younger, thousands upon thousands of years younger. Still full of hope, still learning and still easily excited- but that's ridiculous, why would he have any reason to lose Hope and stop seeing the Possibility within life? The world is vibrant and full of life and love, culture is flourishing and new inventions are cropping up. Seers are starting to get better lives, no longer treated as toys and more as strange equals who have a difficult time. Speakers, like himself, aren't treated quite the same by themselves but anyone who acts like that towards a Speaker with a Seer around gets quite the verbal beat down. Sometimes it's physical, if people don't learn not to talk down towards Speakers. Not that he minds. Society's opinion never really mattered to him as is. Life is, for the most part, perfect.

Or at least that's how he'll come to think of it, thousands of years later.

His footsteps hardly make any sound against the floorboards, just the shuffling of cloth and highly refined socks with very little details on them unlike other Seer-Speaker duos that become 'favored' by royalty. He sighs and leans down to be relatively at eye level with the figure he's grown to be quite attached to. "Michael." No response. "Michael are you awake? We have more exploring to do."

The figure shifts, and the hat he was wearing falls to the floor, showing the short bouncy hair that is equal parts silver and brown and his vibrant hazel eyes. "M'awake you hyper bastard. Give me a moment." He stretches, cracks his back a few times with quite the ... unnecessary noise, then gets comfortable in his seat again. "Before you ask, yes. I did finish what we were assigned. A long time ago actually."

"Is that so?" The young Speaker looks up with a smile towards one of the ladies helping to keep the library clean and organized, who smiles softly in return and blushes slightly. "Mary, can you vouch?"

She laughs, nodding at the question. "He was very dedicated today, My Lord. He has finished all assignments and even completed most of his chores for the wings of the castle. Er, sorry-- you requested I call you Amon, I apologize."

"It is alright. You are just doing your job. As is Michael, for once." That earns him a punch in the arm, which he snickers at. "Come on, I have something you might enjoy." He gestures to follow him and heads out after setting the books down on the table where other stacks are placed for his perusal.

There's a sigh, and the heavy falls of boots against the floorboards in briefly quick pursuit to fall into step with the well dressed Speaker. They go back and forth about their days, little jokes and terrible plays-on-words, all of them remembered in such clear detail they may have just happened the day prior. Michael adorns his weapons and royal crest on the way out, promising the other guards that they'd be someplace special. There's an exchanged look between Speaker and Knight, and a brief laugh. At it again, sweeping the unsuspecting off of their feet. He has a particular fondness for the rowdy ones, so he's noticed.

They don't make it all that far out of the gates though, before something terrible happens.

One moment, the world was in bright colors and vivid fabrics, grass he knew was green and skies he knew were multicolored. One moment, the world was seen, and he could tell you each individual stitch in his clothes and point towards them, fussing even over the smallest details just to make people react in funny ways, bratty as he could be. And then, all of a sudden, pain erupted from his chest, and then something like fire spread throughout it. Endless terrible awful pain that wasn't like the other deaths he experienced before. The Intent behind the strike was so strong and so wrathful that he actually, for a moment, despite knowing that he doesn't go down so easy anymore, feared that he would truly and honestly die. He drops to his knees, too stunned to talk and too afraid to have anything to say. He hears shouting, but his ears are ringing. The world is starting to fade to grayscale, and he knows what that means.

He’s dying.

He wasn't supposed to die like this? That strike wasn’t meant for him? What does that mean? He was just walking, he just shoved Michael playfully... His head jerks up towards the Gods, his vision blurring and fading. He tries to say something, but blood fills his lungs and chokes him in a painfully slow way. The Intent is making it prolonged and though he can feel the magic trying to heal him, the damage is done. This body, this LIFE is finished. And as young as he was, as new as he was to all of this, the fear gripped him in a vice. The Intent clouding his mind and the blood suffocating him, all he could do was let go of this life listening to the sound of the sea that he just left, that he didn’t realize he wouldn’t see again in the way he saw it then.

He didn't get to show him the little cove he found on the beach. 

That’s a shame... Michael always loved the beach.

   He wakes up to seeing the familiar colors and pinpricks of light that designate not a time long past but a time far in the future yet still in the past. His mind swims and he tries to say something- but nothing comes out. He tries again, and again, but he still can't talk. Panic grips him all over again; did he die again? Is he dead? Oh gods what if this is his final run, what if someone finally found where he--

   His gaze settles on Lost. Focuses a bit more. The panic starts to ebb away, though the fear of his nightmare remains. He still can't speak, but he doesn't need to now does he? The request is unspoken yet answered.

   There's a reason why Speakers are not seen without Seers nearby.

[rawliverandcigarettes]

10 Questions

Tag time ! Thanks a lot to @illusivesoul for this :D It’s nice to feel included even though I’m still very new around. (this is going to be super long because I can’t seem to shut the hell up. :3) 1. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you like to live ? I guess I enjoy living where I live, which is France. The country is small but there are many landscapes to choose from, and you don’t even have to travel that much to find mountains, blue sea, cities or forests. I also enjoy poking fun at my own country and culture way too much for what would be decent. Foreign jokes about us are just too funny xD And even though we too are crippled with political and social issues, I look at some other countries (HMHM America), and yeah. It could be so much worse. 2. How did you discover Mass Effect ? I was a great KOTOR fan already, but I tend to stick to what I know, and I rarely venture to new stuff on my own. It was a combinaison of friends, good reviews and a very cheap copy on a shelf of my local store that finally made me play Mass Effect 2 for the first time (I started with the 2, then the third, and ended with the first one, which is definitively not how you play a trilogy). 3. Do you have any tattoos ? If you don’t, do you want any ? I don’t have any tattoos, and I’ve considered getting one many times. But given how expensive they are, I don’t think they’ll ever be enough of a priority for me to commit to this vague idea. I have many other expensive things I’d rather do first :3 4. Do you have any pets ? Kind of ! My parents own 4 cats, that I can’t help but consider my own too even though I moved out. They’re cute and insufferable, one of them is completely insane, looks like Dracula on steroids and is called “Le Mérovingien” like this french Matrix character that curses all the time, One of them lost a leg in a car accident, but hopefully he worked through the trauma and is perfectly healthy and energetic again. The two left hate each other’s guts and their war force us to separate them at all time. So my parents home is a very calm place as you have guessed. 5. If you could recommend 3 games from any genre, what would they be ? 1. The Beginner’s Guide This game has to be my all time favorite. It’s not a proper game so to speak, more like a narrative experience based on interactivity by the creator of The Stanley Parable. It’s not for everyone and generally you will either don’t get why it exists or you will be slapped so hard you won’t be able to express yourself for hours. It talks about creation, game creation specifically, toxic creative relationship, depression, the relationship between the creator, the creation and the public consuming it, and meaning. A masterful example on how narrative design can push further the boundaries of classic storytelling for consumerism and turn it to painful expression of artistic obsessions. I love this game so much. 2. Silent Hill 2 I am a huge survival horror fan, because in their essence they try to answer a crucial question in game development in the rawest way: how do you make the player react ? The survival horror genre is all about direct reaction, and reaching the player beyond the screen in their very comfort zone. You can go the easy, cheap way of throwing buckets of blood around and slap a few jumpscares here and there, or you can try to play with your medium and crawl right underneath the skin, which has always been Silent Hill’s way of throwing it down. But I think Silent Hill 2 is where the payoff is the greatest. It’s not an easy game, because it’s old and counter-intuitive in level design, camera and puzzles, and it gets easily frustrating. But some of the greatest, most creative ideas I’ve came across in term of narrative level design have been explored there. Plus the themes are actually very mature for the gaming public of 2000, as they deal with illness, sexual frustration, surviving abuse and alienation from society and your loved ones. It’s raw, it’s twisted, it’s haunting like a fever dream. And it’s actually very, very smart. 3. V4-11 HALL-A A very neat visual novel that didn’t do much noise besides specialized audience, and definitively deserve a shot ! In this game you are a barista in a cyberpunk society, and you encounter a various cast of characters that you befriend and serve. It’s super chill, the soundtrack is lovely, it’s bound to make you crave for a cocktail as you play. Maybe I am somewhat criticial on how it ends, but otherwise it’s a very heartwarming experience with slight sadder undertones. It goes on with the trend of “you witness big events from a NPC/civilian viewpoint”, which I adore. The game went out while my team and I were producing a game that share some of the concept, and it was a lovely surprise ! (it’s very cheap as well, and the creators need financial help !) 6. Song that you’ve listened a lot lately ? Careful What You Wish For, by Coil (it’s weird and somewhat depressing, you are warned) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHIlBk5vbVI 7. Guilty pleasure movie ? Mhhh. I’d say Sweeney Todd by Tim Burton. It’s over the top and very melodramatic with undiscussed sexist undertones when it comes to how female characters are depicted in this world, BUT what can I say. Gothic cheesiness mixed up with musical numbers never seem to stop being my jam. 8. Unpopular opinion about Mass Effect (optional) Ouh boy. I have so many it’s extremely hard to pick a single one. xD I’m going to settle for Andromeda and try to summarize my opinion, but I might do a very very long separate post to explain what I mean in lenghts later. I haven’t played Andromeda much because my computer is sad and dying, but from what I saw and what I undertsood from ulterior research, I think Andromeda’s worldbuilding is broken on many levels, and some narrative choices made very early by the team affect the stakes so much they’re basically nonexistent, and, at least for me, the lack of stakes drove the entire quest to be rather pointless. I’m a very nitpicking person, especially when it comes to themes, cohesion, society and space stuff, and a lot of what happens in the first hours prevented me to believe in the story and the characters inhabiting it before they even had a chance to do anything significant. :/ I understand why people can bypass that and enjoy the story and characters still, and I am sickened by the amount of abuse some of us spat towards Bioware, but my suspension of disbelief got shattered in the first hours of the game multiple times, and despite how much I wanted to like this new epic journey, I’m... not your target audience this time, Bioware. 9. Favorite books ? Argh. Mh. Good question. I can’t really say if any of them are my favorite, but I like them enough for them to be featured here -and I have stopped reading for years so I have trouble remembering any. So in no particular order, The Hobbit by JRR Tolkien, Animal Farm by George Orwell, The Art of Game Design by Jesse Schell, the Ellana trilogy by Pierre Bottero, Beyond Good and Evil by Friedrich Nietzsche... I can’t really tell to be fair. I need to read more. 10. Dream job ? Game developer, specifically in narrative design (how surprising I know). And I am very fortunate to be living the dream right now. <3 I am starting my very own indie company, and our very first game, Xenophever, is on the rails right now. I won’t lie ; it’s a hard life. Only time will tell if the sacrifices were worth it, but I bet they will be :D It’s over ! Thanks again for the tag ! I won’t tag everyone because I don’t know enough people yet, but feel free to hit me up if you want to do this so I can cook you up some neat questions :D

[blainematters]

For your reading pleasure, a selection of awful fucking quotes from CC’s latest *~masterpiece~*. That’s right, I read all 407 pages so you don’t have to! Unless you too are a complete masochist, in which case go nuts.

This is image heavy, fair warning. Some names have been slightly altered to protect the crazies who would read this and cry.

Audiences found the show’s campiness to be rather charming, its unique underdog spirit resonated with them, and a global phenomenon was born. Nice description of Glee there. Very original. Good work.

Pitying looks were cast upon the unfortunate souls without seats, as if they were third-class passengers on the Titanic. The death of 1500 people in the worst maritime disaster in history is not a funny or clever simile.

Luckily for him, these days Cash had a little help to take the edge off. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three large pills and two marijuana gummy bears. This is how the main character treats his anxiety. He takes this combo with whiskey. This apparently makes him ‘completely numb’. 

He thought it was funny how there was hydrocodone, weed, and alcohol flowing through his veins at a work event but he wasn’t the biggest douchebag onstage. Except he really, really is. Funnily enough people on drugs aren’t the best judge of character.

If he responded with something they didn’t like, his social media would be bombarded with pictures, videos, and GIFs of decapitated animals, human feces, and militants destroying priceless artifacts.

“Olá, fucktards,” Davi said—his use of American slang was a work in progress. What. This character is brazilian, and he swears constantly. Those are his only character traits.

“That’s incredible, Huda,” Mo said. “If only diplomacy worked as efficiently as a fandom, there would never be war again.” I’m fucking dying.

“Young lady,” the psychologist said. “I have studied the human mind for more than four decades. I understand the appeal of joining the transgender community, but I promise you, the transgender movement is nothing short of a trend for nonconformists. In fact, it is still considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization.” Sorry, what appeal? What even is this nonsense? Why does it go on for five pages? Why the need to unnecessarily torture the trans character with this when it makes no difference to his storyline? Why?

Mo had suffered from OID (overactive imagination disorder) since childhood. The condition wasn’t officially recognized by the United States Department of Health (because Mo had made it up) but the disorder was just as taxing and consuming as any. From the entire community of people with mental illness: Fuck you CC. Fuck you for this awful, awful thing. Kindly go fuck yourself for pretending you have any understanding of what a mental illness is like to live with. Ugh.

A very good-looking man in his early twenties. He wore thick sunglasses, a black leather jacket, dark jeans, and designer boots. Yes, this is how ‘Cash’ is described. He’s also been previously described as a total mess who hasn’t showered in days, so I’m not totally convinced it’s accurate.

“I’m T0pher C0llins. It is such a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Carter.” T0pher C0llins? Are you fucking shitting me?

“I walked into my bedroom and saw Peaches had taken a huge dump in the middle of my bed, so I had to clean it up and put my comforter in the washer.” This is said by the only girl in the group, in front of ‘Cash’, who she idolises. Because girls are just stupid fucking blabbermouths right?

“-it’s getting asked advice on how to break into the industry from the guy taking a dump in the stall next to you” Oh look, another thing that has never, ever happened.

“You gotta say that shit so no one labels you as a future has-been—that’ll kill a career. Even if it’s obvious you’ll never do anything but the show you’re on, you can’t admit it.��� The first honest and realistic thing in this book, and it only took till chapter seven!

“Every time I get any recognition he writes me into a coma or puts me through something horrendous as punishment. After I was on the cover of TV Guide, he put a dangerous stunt into a script and it broke my ankle. After I won a People’s Choice Award, he put my character in a coma for twelve episodes. The list goes on.” I wonder how Ryan Murphy will react when he hears about this character who is so clearly him?

“Nothing is stranger than fanfiction,” Cash said, like a sailor recalling his encounter with a horrible sea creature. THIS ENTIRE BOOK IS REAL LIFE FANFICTION YOU HYPOCRITICAL ASSHOLE.

“He’s a little jaded, I’ll give you that—but after all the joy he’s given us over the years, the least we can do is let him be a human being. ” Yes, let the straight white cis male tell you all how to think, feel, and act. Your hero isn’t a douche, he’s misunderstood. Let him treat you like shit because who else gets that experience?

The world’s biggest rubber-band ball bounced into the horizon like a deer recently freed from captivity. Chapter nine: ‘Cash’ destroys a national landmark for shits and giggles.

The actor excitedly passed out tickets to Topher, Joey, Sam, and the Sacagawea statue—mistaking it for Mo. He’s also a racist. Are we surprised?

Why is he dancing like an epileptic on roller skates? Aaaaand a joke about epilepsy. I’m sure Hannah loves it.

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” Joey said. “One day I woke up and decided I had had enough.” ‘Cash’ cures his crippling agoraphobia by just going outside. Again, fuck you CC. That is not how mental illness works. Do two seconds of research for fucks sake.

“The night we were all watching the season six finale of Wiz Kids at Joey’s house, I was actually supposed to be watching Billy while my mom was at a Bunco party. I gave him some cold medicine so he would sleep and ran home to check on him every commercial break.” Drug your disabled siblings, your friends will think you’re cool and laugh about instead of telling you  that you’re an awful fucking person. Which you are.

“Then one day, as I was posting a GIF of a decapitated giraffe on her profile, I learned WizKidLiz01 was a little girl with Down syndrome.” Also on the list of things that make you an awful fucking person… plagiarism or no, don’t do this shit.

“So what’s your real name?” Topher asked. “Now, that you’re not going to believe,” Cash said. “It’s Tom Hanks.”

“They were the most eccentric group of stoners Cash had ever seen and he couldn’t take his eyes off them, like they were the subjects of a fascinating nature documentary.” One character is literally screaming her head off with paranoia and scratching invisible bugs in her skin, but hey, watching teenagers on a drug trip is so interesting!

“I think you’re giving him too much credit,” Cash said. “He’ll be long gone by then.” Oh yeah, ‘Cash’ is extremely preoccupied with death. He frequently says shit like this alluding to it. No-one notices.

“Because if you don’t, I’m going to tell the fangirls about the treatment we’ve received today and unleash them upon your establishment like a plague of locusts! They’ll harass you, humiliate you, and chase your wrinkled, old, racist ass into hiding for the rest of your miserable existence! Do I make myself clear?” Um… what? Why would you even?

“Of course the brakes worked, I was just fucking with you,” Cash said. ‘Cash’ continues to be the absolute worst by making someone think she’s going to die. Of course, she somehow she also doesn’t know that James Dean died in a car accident. Sigh.

“But I think we’d know it if he was mentally unbalanced or an addict of some kind.” YOU ARE EIGHTEEN YEARS OLD AND YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT. YOU LITERALLY JUST DESCRIBED ‘CASH’.

“You lose the right to humanity when you become famous. It’s just the way it is, but I’m not going to whine about it.” Except in this entire book.

“I’m transgender!” Sam declared. “I know what it’s like to have everyone treat you like something you’re not because people have been doing it to me my whole life. I’ve never met someone who could relate—but it’s like everything you just said! We’re both trapped! We’re both prisoners of unfair expectations!” These! things! are! not! comparable! Mostly because ‘Cash’ could leave that life any time, Sam won’t ever stop having to deal with being trans. Shut the fuck up CC. Sam then spends waaaay too much time explaining gender and sexual identity to ‘Cash’ because he’s a complete moron.

Darla spoke with the energy and enthusiasm of a camp counselor on crystal meth. How is this joke in any way appropriate when the main character is clearly a raging drug addict? He’s literally constantly tweaking.

The others stared at Cash in disbelief. It was like a demon living inside of him had taken the reins. Watch as these people we’re supposed to believe all got into prestigious colleges like Colombia and MIT completely fail to recognise the signs of an addict going through withdrawal.

They had never in their lives felt more exposed, more violated, or more gutted. It was as if someone had ripped off all their clothes and chucked their hearts into the depths of the Grand Canyon. ‘Cash’ is so self-obsessed and full of self-pity he decides to out two people in the group and tell another she’s wasting her life just to make them all feel as awful as he does. What a delightful person huh?

“Joey, I have always wanted a gay best friend. I’m not mad because you hid your orientation from me; I’m just upset because of all the Will & Grace opportunities we’ve missed out on.” ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

He was staring at Topher with a weak smile and his eyes were opened just barely enough to see. He clearly knew who Topher was, but Topher couldn’t place him.

“I have glioblastoma,” Cash said. “That’s a fancy stage name for brain cancer.”

I was fine and could easily hide this until a few days ago, but now I’m so weak and frail you don’t even recognise me. Usually Glioblastoma on the brain stem causes symptoms like seizures, confusion, paralysis, vomiting, dizziness, and loss of basic functions, but I’m a special snowflake and get to stay able-bodied and cognisant until the end!

“In April I started getting these really bad migraines,” Cash explained. “A doctor came to the set and recommended I get a scan. We were behind in production so the producers wouldn’t give me time off to get it done.” It’s all Hollywood’s fault he’s dying! Not his for not getting any fucking treatment. And actors can and do take days off for health reasons, that shit is totally allowed.

“Holy shit,” Topher said. “These are all mine.… You’ve saved every letter I ever wrote to you.…” That’s not totally fucking creepy at all, ‘Cash’.

“He’s not a bad person—he’s got brain cancer! That’s why he’s been behaving the way he has!” That makes everything okay! Except not really. Cancer doesn’t give you a free pass to be an asshole. You aren’t making the most of what life you have left, you’re just being a shithead.

“The actor had had so little control over his life, but his death was exactly how he wanted it to be.” Yes, he dies five days later. No-one wondered about his odd behaviour or suspected he might be sick until they visited him in a hospice. These people must be so stupid they can barely function for this to make sense. He’s been dying for months and nobody at all noticed? Bullshit.

“Oh gosh, I’m so nervous to hear how it went! I practically feel like I came out as transgender, too!” NO MORE.

“Not to be a downer, but did anyone watch the footage from Cash’s funeral today?” Mo asked. “Why did they wait a whole month to have it?” Topher asked. “Because it was sponsored by Canon and their new camera comes out this week,” Mo said.

I don’t think companies generally sponsor funerals? Let’s just hope it wasn’t an open casket, that shit would be nasty after a month.

“Fuck off, I’m banging Marilyn Monroe.” No, god no. Please no. Just end this thing now please.

The aspiring writer felt like she and her friends were living a ridiculous happy ending straight from the final page of one of her outlandish stories. Uh…

And a bonus from the author’s note:

However, for the purpose of good storytelling, the characters’ opinions and choices are sometimes flawed. Please do not view their actions as generalizations or examples to follow, but as the mistakes and triumphs of individuals. All of my characters were awful and/or treated like shit by everyone else, but that’s for the sake of the story. It’s not my fault if you act this way and everyone hates you! (And still love me please god I’m so alone...)

[jozalynsharp]

Mo'Nique and Why She Should Be an Inspiration to Comics Everywhere and My Ex Who Told Me I Wasn’t Funny

      It's December 30th and my fiancee and I are filing into the MGM Garden Arena for the John Mayer/Dave Chappelle show. The energy in the room is vibrant. John comes out, plays some songs, and speaks on music with an expertise that made me fall in love with him as an artist all over again. Then Dave comes out. You can taste it in the air. Everyone in that room knows that someday they'll be telling their children about this experience. Dave tells 25 minutes of jokes then brings up the Netflix pay scandal. And he says to a sold out arena that "Mo'Nique is a legend.". After this weekend, I don't see how anyone can disagree with him. 

      I have been a fan of comedy my whole life. I have quite a few influences, but very few female ones. One of the biggest reasons I could even picture myself doing stand-up at all was Mo’Nique. When my friend found out what Mo'Nique meant to me he got me a ticket to see her new residency at the SLS.        Some of you are reading this confused because you don't know what she means to this metal music loving, comic book collecting, video game playing, raw comedian. If you can’t really wrap your head around it, it probably means you have never seen Mo'Nique LIVE in her element. And shame on you for having preconceived notions about me.

      When I was in my early 20's I was in a bad way. I had lost all self worth, was gambling in excess, and had garnered myself an opiate addiction. I was in a relationship that had me so down on myself, had me believing I was so worthless, I had begun to live my life as such. I stole Vicodin from wherever I could find it just so I could numb myself to the fact that I couldn’t find anything to love in the mirror anymore. I was adrift and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but I knew I loved comedy. I would watch hours of stand-up comedy and it would be my reprieve from the constant barrage of negative inner thoughts. I had been telling stories with my girlfriends one night, doing my best to make them laugh, and my oldest and dearest friend interrupted me. Her tone of voice would have made a lightbulb spontaneously appear over her head if we had been in a cartoon she sounded so revelatory. She pointed at me and said: “You should do stand-up comedy!”. And it clicked. That’s exactly what I wanted to do. Once I figured out how to make people laugh, I was always chasing the next punchline way before I even recognized what I was doing. I wasn’t ever the pretty girl or the popular girl. I was the smart girl. I hated being the smart girl. People just want to cheat off your paper and they only want to be your friend in class in case there’s a group project. And no one especially wanted to dry hump the smart girl, and that’s all I wanted out of a Friday night at 17. I knew that people that made me laugh made me want to dry hump. I knew that people who made me laugh made me feel butterflies. I also knew the feeling of making people laugh was like being dry humped by the whole offensive line on Homecoming night. I wanted people to see me and say I was the funniest girl they knew, but I was horrendously shy outside of my extra-curricular theater activities. Although I wanted to be clever and tell stories and make everyone laugh, my severe lack of confidence meant I only showed that side of myself to my closest friends. Add a unibrow and some very poor fashion choices to that mix and I wasn’t exactly screaming anything but “dork”. My friends loved me though. My family loved me. There was always someone around who would laugh at whatever commentary I was spewing or story I was re-enacting. So when my dearest friend, my most practical and level-headed friend, looked me right in my eyeballs and said: “You should do stand-up comedy.”. My heart exploded. The gears in my head all felt like they clicked into place. Not only had someone validated me as funny verbally for one of the first times in my life, but someone had also presented an idea so out of the realm of my reality that was exactly what I wanted out of life. Make people laugh every night onstage for my job? Um, YES PLEASE. Where do I submit my resume? Unfortunately in stand-up, there is no application. It is a sea of possibilities of ways to start and each one is more daunting than the next. So I decided to present this new dream to my boyfriend at the time. We had an extremely unhealthy relationship due to him being too young to take responsibility for the fact that he pressured me into a relationship he didn’t actually want to be in anymore, and I didn’t want to look myself in the mirror and admit just how wrong we were for each other. I had allowed myself to come to a place where one man had torn me down emotionally so severely that I didn’t even realize how abusive it was until I relayed the stories to people who loved me later. Now, don’t jump to crucify him. We were young, and everything about our relationship was wrong from jump. But that’s a story for another day. I remember looking across the table of a BJ’s Restaurant & Brewery at him. This was someone I thought I loved, and I was still so naive and young to think that people will behave the way they’re supposed to and not the way they are going to. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized these are two very different things. I pushed my fries around on my plate and finally worked up the courage to say it. I couldn’t really bring myself to look at his face. I knew in my heart of hearts that whatever came out of his mouth following whatever I had to say would hurt me, because after a year together, I was finally starting to realize the difference between “supposed to” and “going to”. I faked nonchalance and spoke as if it was a silly idea I was presenting for conversation’s sake. “I’m thinking of trying stand-up comedy.”, and I laughed nervously waving my fork around to punctuate “stand-up comedy”. He didn’t even look up from his food. His body didn’t react. He only shoved another forkful of food into his mouth and said through a twice baked potato: “Why? You’re not funny.”. And then I thought to myself: “Well he must be right. He’s spent everyday with you for a year. Surely, if you were funny he’d be the one to know.”, and I moved on with my life.

I moved on right up until I came across a comedy special called “I Coulda Been Your Cellmate” from the star of one of my favorite movies: “Phat Girlz”. The concept of this comedy special alone shook me to my core. Mo’Nique doing stand-up for hundreds of inmates inside of a women’s prison. How could someone make people laugh in that situation? It seemed impossible.

Then the special started, and she could have done a funny sketch or just launched right into the jokes. However, as I have since learned, this is not her style. She spent the first part of this comedy special giving a voice to these women who will spend most of their natural lives behind bars. Mo’Nique took her time in the spotlight right then to highlight what is broken about prison and the so-called rehabilitation system. At one point an inmate asks her why she came there, and what she said next forever changed the way I looked at our prison system. It also forced me to confront my own inner prejudices against those who’ve been or are incarcerated. I hadn’t opened my heart to their humanity. Growing up in a conservative small town, I had only thought of them as less than decent people, and hadn’t considered how they got there. What tragedy had befallen their lives to drive them to where they were today? My heart ached with a newfound sympathy. Her statement was so profound to me I haven’t forgotten it in ten years: “We live in a society that threw you away, and they said you weren’t worthy and you weren’t valuable and that you were trash. I don’t believe that.” Soon the shot transitions to a stage built outdoors and a crowd of female inmates all wearing different colors to designate their danger or security threat. Mo’Nique then came onstage and took control. She would bring you right to the point of a real “a-ha” moment about us and our society. Then she would hit you with a punchline so funny and so unexpected, I was snort laughing by myself in my living room. Slapping my leg and cackling like an old prospector who just found Gold and couldn’t believe his luck. Now, I could write a massive amount on this special alone, but I’m here to talk about the NOW. I took this trip down memory lane to paint a picture of who I was when Mo’Nique’s stand-up got inside my craw. Because shortly after seeing this, I packed my bags and left. She had said right into that camera that she had been told she wasn’t good enough over and over, and yet here she stood more than good enough. There she stood, a success in her own right. So I loaded myself and my dog onto a plane bound somewhere far away from the man who told me I wasn’t good enough both in life and in my ambition.

Fast forward a few years and I move to Las Vegas, Nevada. My first friend (and still to this day friend) was none other than Bobby Wayne Stauts. He introduced me to a world of amateur stand-up that I didn’t even know existed. I wanted to be a part of it so badly, that I spent three weeks just going out to shows and open mics and befriending comics. Some of my friends who are reading this are like, “Jozalyn, you SURE did ‘befriend’ some of those comics.” and to them I say: Go Befriend Yourself. Then a friend put me on stage one night for 3 minutes and the rest is, as they say, history. Now, let’s jump ahead in the timeline one last time to last week. My friend takes me to see Mo’Nique at her new residency at the SLS. I’m euphoric at the thought of seeing the woman who taught me how to clap back at bullies in “Phat Girlz” and inspired me to shut out the people saying I wasn’t going to be good at stand-up. Her opener Correy Bell had me laughing so hard I almost lost a strip of eyelashes because I was crying. Then, Mo’Nique came out. Gorgeous and statuesque, her smile lit up the whole room, she danced her way to that microphone and before we knew it we were all on our feet dancing with her. Just sharing in a moment of pure joy. No judgement, no pretensions, just everyone in a room feeling unbridled joy at exactly the same moment. She did exactly what I fell in love with her for from the beginning. She made us laugh, she made us cry, and she made us think. She challenged her own belief systems, she challenged our belief systems, and she challenged how we treat each other. She told stories so raw and so real, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her because her pure vulnerability was beautiful.

Then the meet and greet comes. I am sweating and nervous. You don’t often get to meet personal heroes, but I can tell you when I do I want to vomit. Did I do that? No I just cried uncontrollably while standing in a line full of people drinking and dancing. I realize now that Mo’Nique being the thing that pulled me out of traumatic experience also meant that she would take me back there for a moment. And the tears that flooded down my face, the same tears that threaten to fall as I write this, were tears of gratitude. This woman inspired me to chase my dreams in a very real way. It comes my turn and she hugs me deeply and says some things into my ear that I will keep with me forever. I will to write them here, or anywhere because they are mine. When she speaks to you, you just know some things are for you and that moment. Then she pulls away and lets me tell her my story. I walked away knowing I’d never forget this experience. As lucky as I felt then, I then am lucky enough to be invited to do a guest set a few days later. She sends for me when I arrive. I walk into her dressing room and she smiles at me. She squeezes my hand and says “Hello, baby.” and I remind myself that if I cry in front of Mo’Nique again she’s gonna think I’m a crazy person. So I choke back those tears and smile and say hello back. Her energy is palpable. I feel so positive and comfortable, I just know the night is going to be fun. And it was. It was one of my favorite performing experiences to date. I got to watch her bring the house down and I went home that night giving a middle finger to all those people who said “Never meet your heroes.”.

I will save a lot of the memories of that night for me. They are special to me and I don’t believe everything is meant to be shared. I believe some things are meant to be cherished and don’t need repeating. However, there are some things from that night that made me think that a lot of comics, not just female comics, I know could take a page out of the Mo’Nique handbook. Here’s what I took away from this experience:

Don’t be afraid to be real. She showed us her heart and it made those laughs feel so very good. It felt like laughing with your favorite cousin who you only get to see once a year for the holidays. It felt like laughing with that person in your life who you laugh so hard with every time you hang out and only you guys think each other is funny. It felt so very good. A pure laugh that sits in your belly and came from your heart.

Be good to people. All of her messages can be summed up in one message: “Be better to each other”.

And love those who love you. She spent real genuine time with each of her fans that stayed for the meet and greet. She hugged us like she lost us in the grocery store and thought we got snatched up. She didn’t fade. She gave every one of those people 110% of her right up until the moment she walked offstage. Hell, for all I know she was back there hugging the staff and giving them all those positive vibes she seems to be made of.

The fourth thing that I took away was how much she cared that the experience was good for me. She check on me FOUR times before my set. She even apologized for interrupting me while I was reading my notes. She checked on me and made me laugh and showed me love before I even touched the microphone. She didn’t need me to prove that I was funny before she treated me with kindness and love. She did it because I was, as she says, her “Sister in Comedy”.

Comics can so often can ascribe their personal feeling on a comic’s “talent” to how they feel about a person. Deigning them to be “hack” or an “open micer” or “not funny” somehow making them less worthy of kindness it seems. How many of us check on someone we’ve never seen go up even once before they do a guest set on our show? And no I’m not counting you saying “Tight five. Be funny and I'll light you at four.” as checking on them.

And finally, the last thing that I will hold with me for as long as I am in this crazy industry was what she said when I thanked her for the opportunity. I will hold onto this as a principle in my life. It is the kind of person we should all aspire to be. She took my hand and said: “Just promise me that when you’re where I’m at, you’ll reach your hand out to the next little girl trying to make her way and help her up.”.