#the everchase | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

b33viemm · 1 year ago

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oops. i blacked out. this is very long btw haha cw// blood, being hit by a truck? not super graphic, also emotional apathy, some self-loathing, implied domestic abuse

It's no big surprise that you turned out this way. You never sought it out, but it's always found you somehow. Maybe it's because it's the only thing that's ever sought you out. Do you feel wanted? Or do you no longer feel the pressure of wanting to be wanted? Of wanting?

You were always a good student. But not good enough. Not good enough for people to care. But you tried to care. You tried to make them care. You were so consumed in your studies that when you finally graduated from school there was no one at the ceremony for you. There was no one at the ceremony. There was no ceremony. You wish someone had come.

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You kept going to your job at the gas station because you had to pay for the apartment. You had an apartment, right? It was warm. You liked your apartment. You never stayed long. You keep going out. You wonder why you keep going out. You call a cab and ask the driver where you're going.

Your boss asked you to take the night shift. They said no one else wanted to. You didn't understand. You didn't want to take it. You signed your name on the board. Your name? Your name.

There were far fewer people coming in this late.

---

No one ever comes in this late.

You wish you had someone to talk to.

You shouldn't have taken this shift.

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Your boss asked you to take the night shift. They said no one else wanted to. You understood. You wanted to. You signed a name on the board. What name?

You liked the quiet. You wish someone would walk in. It feels good to be alone.

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One day your hand passes through the door handle to the station. You try again. It's the strangest sensation you've ever felt. You turn on your heel and walk down the road. Your boss never calls about it.

---

You never asked to become like this, yet you find yourself alone at the station every time. You haven't seen any coworkers in weeks, haven't spoken to any customers in just as long. You've stopped being paid. That's okay, there's nothing for you to pay for. You still show up every day. Sometimes you can't quite grasp the door handle. On those days you leave early. But you always come back.

---

When was the last time you slept?

---

You are walking down the empty road to work. It's dark. It shouldn't be this dark. It's quiet. It shouldn't be this quiet. You like it. A dragon roars behind you. It's so loud, that's the only thing it could be. You think about all the stories you heard as a child. What would it look like, if you turned around to face it? Would it be a magnificent being too large to fathom? How would it feel to be something that big and loud? Surely it must be a lonely existence, the only other creatures you see as small as ants, the world a 30-minute walk around. Does the dragon feel confined?

You wonder if it is a lóng. Good fortune? That's what your mother always said. You were born in the Year of the Dragon. She always said you were her good luck charm. Where is your mother? Maybe you and this lóng could find kinship in your solitariness. Is it isolating, being such a large creature, such a godly figure? Is the pedestal of worship so far above the ground that you are not even certain if a ground is there at all? You turn around.

It is not a dragon.

Your mother was wrong.

The light is so blinding you wonder if you are staring at the sun.

The dragon roars.

You are flying. On the dragon? It is not a dragon.

The bones in your body break. There is blood pooling where you lay on the asphalt. Black creeps into the edges of your vision. You cannot see anymore. It's over.

You turn around to see the back of the shipping truck driving away. You felt that sensation again, like the door handle. It's the strangest sensation you've ever felt. Your body ripples where you stand. You feel like your arms are coming loose. But your body is not rippling, and your arms are not coming loose, and your bones are not breaking, and your blood is not pooling where you lay on the asphalt. You are not lying on the asphalt. You are walking down the empty road to work. It's dark. It shouldn't be this dark. It's quiet. It shouldn't be this quiet. You don't feel anything.

Your mother was wrong.

---

Something's changed.

---

You continue going to work every day. You no longer need to unlock the door first. It feels like nothing to be alone.

---

Incorporeal. You learned a new word today.

Is this how it feels? Are you a ghost? You don't feel dead. You aren't dead. You don't know how you know this. You died. You did not die. What does it matter?

---

Apathetic. You learned a new word today.

---

Lonely. You knew that one already.

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It's late, even for you. You should have been home by now, but that science classroom was the worst you've ever seen. Your hands are pruned from the water and the cleaner. You don't get paid enough for this. You don't want to go home.

Your car starts ringing. You're almost out of fuel.

It is so foggy you cannot see around the bend in the road. You see a gas station around the bend in the road. Was that always there? You take this road every day. You don't remember this building.

You pull into the familiar parking lot on the long, straight stretch of road.

There is no open or closed sign. There is a sign but it is blank. There is a sign but it has been spray painted over with a vibrant pink. There is a sign but it has been spray painted over with a deep grey. There is a sign but it is unintelligible and has been eaten away by rust. There is a sign and the store is open.

You pull in next to the pump. You don't know why you came here. Your tank is full. You get out of the car and approach the store. It's late. The store is open, even though there is no one behind the counter. The lights flicker as you step through the open door. You see a clerk behind the counter. You want to say hello, but you don't want to say hello. You don't say hello because there is no one behind the counter.

You don't remember why you wanted to come here.

You walk into the snack aisle and take a bag of chips off the shelf. The bag is very loud. The bag is too loud. An 18-wheeler roars by. It reminds you of a dragon.

You place your drink on the counter with the clerk. The drink is quiet. The clerk is quiet. There is no clerk. The store is empty. They ring up your drink but the register makes no sound. The lights flicker again.

You smile at the clerk as they pass you your drink. They smile back. It's a nice smile. You wish it existed. You wish you could stay here and look at it forever.

You are outside the station, holding a bag of chips. The station is dark and quiet. An 18-wheeler roars by. You don't notice it. You are thirsty. You wish the gas station was open so you could buy a drink. Music plays from the open door, and the clerk inside bobs their head. The night is quiet and you are alone and you should get home.

---

It's late, even for you. You sat in the janitor's closet for 30 extra minutes to put off the drive home. You don't want to go home.

You're driving down the road. Didn't it turn here?

You drive up to the gas station and try to open the door. It is locked, but there is a clerk inside. You don't recognize them. Do they look familiar? You knock on the dark glass. The store is empty. The sign is flipped to closed. You don't want to go home. You turn and go home.

---

It's late, even for you. You've been sitting in your car for 20 minutes because you can't remember why you got home so late 2 weeks ago. He asked why. You can't remember. I'll make you remember, he said. You don't remember. You should get home.

You're driving down the road. Why does it twist so much?

You pull up to a gas station you don't remember. You need an energy drink. You don't have the money for an energy drink.

You walk in and say hello to the clerk behind the counter. They look up sharply. They make no noise. That's okay. You walk up to the fridge and pull out a water.

You walk up to the counter. The clerk stares at you intensely. That's okay. You hand them your water. They tell you they went to school there. They gesture at your sweatshirt. Me too, you say to the empty air. You add that you clean there. The empty air smiles. It's a nice smile. You wish it existed. You wish you could stay here and look at it forever.

You are outside the station, holding an energy drink. The station is dark and quiet. The road is empty, save for your car. You crack open the can. The hiss cuts through the silence. Music plays from the open door, and the clerk inside bobs their head. The night is gentle and you are smiling and you should get home.

---

You always leave work late at night. Students can be disgusting and the school is large and the school is quiet.

You're always driving down the road. It's always empty and straight as an arrow, so you speed down the strip with the windows rolled down just so you can feel free and alive. It's always twisting through the woods, so you take it slow and listen to the sounds of the crickets and the birds and the leaves and the breeze. The trucks that sound like dragons roar past.

Sometimes there's a gas station.

Sometimes you stop.

Sometimes the door is locked. Sometimes the sign is rusted beyond comprehension. Sometimes there's no sign.

Sometimes there's a clerk.

Sometimes you are unaware of all the sometimes. You say hello to a familiar clerk you've never seen before.

---

You ask them their name. The store is closed.

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You ask about the music they play. There is no music playing. A dragon roars past.

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You ask them when their shift starts. They say late.

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You ask them when their shift ends. They say late.

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The gas station is closed.

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The station is locked but you can see a clerk inside.

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The gas station is abandoned.

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You compliment their smile. They blush, and you think it's the most beautiful color you've ever seen.

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You ask about the music they play. You both like the same genre.

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You ask them if they have any pets. They say they hear dragons sometimes. You understand.

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The gas station is closed.

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You talk with the clerk in the gas station that you've never met before until the sun comes up. You are outside the gas station and the gas station is closed and your phone is ringing and you have 20 missed calls. You don't want to go home.

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It's late, even for you. You don't know why you're late.

You drive down the road, looking for the gas station with the clerk and the chips and the dragons and the music.

There is no gas station.

---

It's late, even for you. You don't know why you're late.

You drive down the road, looking for the gas station with the clerk and the chips and the dragons and the music.

There is no gas station.

---

5 weeks. There is no gas station.

7 weeks. There is no gas station.

10 weeks. There is no gas station.

Was there ever a gas station on this road?

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It's late, even for you. You should have been home by now, but two toilets clogged in the gym locker rooms. Your pants are wet from the water all over the floor. You don't get paid enough for this. You don't want to go home.

Your car starts ringing. You're almost out of fuel.

It is so foggy you cannot see straight down the road. You see gas station lights down the road. Was that always there? You take this road every day. You don't remember this road.

You pull into the familiar parking lot on the winding road in the woods.

The store looks like it is full of fog. You cannot see inside. There is a sign and the store is closed.

You pull in next to the pump. You don't know why you came here. Your tank is full. You get out of the car and approach the store. It's late. The store is open, even though there is no one behind the counter. The lights flicker as you step through the open door. You see no clerk behind the counter. You want to say hello to the empty air. Why do you want to say hello to empty air?

You don't remember why you wanted to come here.

You walk into the candy aisle and take a bag of caramels off the shelf. You can feel the sweet sugar sticking to your teeth. You cannot open your mouth. An 18-wheeler roars by. You do not notice.

There is no one behind the counter. You peer into the employee-only room but there is no one there. You walk back to the counter. There is no one behind the counter. You feel very alone. The air is damp. The lights flicker again. Fog coils around your feet. Your pants are soaking. You place the caramels back on the shelf. You wish you had someone to talk to.

You are outside the station, holding a bag of caramels. The station is dark and quiet. An 18-wheeler roars by. You don't notice it. You turn around to face the store. It is closed.

You hear someone walk away around the corner where the trees begin again. You run to catch them. There is no one there. You notice some old dried blood on the asphalt. You wonder whose blood it is. You hope they are okay. You walk back to your car. You don't know why you came here. The night is quiet and you are alone and you should get home.

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He wants to move. You don't want to move

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You are moving, so you quit your job at the school.

---

You remember a clerk in a gas station. You don't know where the gas station was. You don't remember the clerk.

Love is a strong word. You don't feel very strong. You wish you were stronger.

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The gas station is filled with fog. You cannot see outside the glass windows. You see a car pull up next to the gas pump. Their car.

They exit the car and stand by their door, staring at the gas station before entering. They pause in the doorway and stare forward. The lights flicker. They pause in the doorway and stare forward for 20 minutes. Fog coils around their feet.

They walk into the candy aisle. You hear them pick up a bag. The bag is silent. 10 minutes pass. A dragon roars by.

They turn to look at you. They look into your eyes. They walk to the door to the back room. They come back. They look into your eyes. Fog fills the room. You cannot see the back wall. You do not say anything. You do not say anything when they turn and place the candy back. You do not say anything when they turn back to you and look into your eyes.

The store is closed and you are leaving. A dragon roars by. The dragon is lying.

Love. You knew that one once.

Avatar of the stranger but its just someone who makes an absurd amount of AI art and deepfakes.

Avatar of the flesh but its just someone who makes disturbing ads for PETA

Avatar of the eye but its just a huge comic nerd who’s constantly condescending about their knowledge to everyone

Avatar of the desolation but its just someone who purposefully messes with office/school microwaves, making them unusable

Avatar of the slaughter but its just a LARPer who’s wayyyyy too into the ‘fighting’

Avatar of the lonely but its just a gas station clerk who always takes the night shift by themselves

Avatar of the dark but its just an electrician who’s really really bad at their job

Avatar of the spiral but its just a clickbait YouTuber with really long videos and weirdly familiar but untraceable background music

Avatar of the corruption but its just someone who writes weird shipfics with awful, insidiously unhealthy relationship dynamics

Avatar of the end but its just a goth who hangs out at cemeteries that won’t stop death infodumping to random bereaved people

Avatar of the hunt but its just an edgy middle schooler who pretends to be a wolf and keeps winning at tag against kids who aren’t playing

Avatar of the web but its just a scam phone caller who’s good at getting old people who aren’t good with computers

Avatar of the buried but its just a construction worker who always has to be the first one to do any excavating or digging

Avatar of the vast but its just someone who makes religious talks about how large and all-encompassing their god/gods is/are

Avatar of the extinction but its just an artist who constantly makes climate change or pollution related exhibitions.

#uhhhhh #oops #i really dont have any excuses for this #uhm #i hope it wasnt super bad #again thanks for the idea everchase haha #maybe ill upload this somewhere that isnt some random tumblr post #the magnus archives #the lonely #writing #hashtag maybe i relate to the lonely more than i thought #its so late #i also do NOT know where i got that dragon thing #im chinese tho #i think our dragons are super epic #cw implied abuse #cw blood

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