#the era of collective ‘surely they won’t just. do that.’ was perhaps the finest hour

[joshuaalbert]

the only thing about picard s3 i miss is the one single week between the first episode and the second when jack had been officially introduced but his parentage was still unconfirmed. the insane theories people were coming up with during that time were the best part of the show.

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War. Part 5: Last Ride of the Douche Brigade

Part 4

Welcome back to Genealogy, broseph. There’s more to the title, but I’m not gonna use it, because I’m not a conformist.

When we left off, the kingdom of Verdane had been laid low, deceived by a subtle manipulator who none of them ever suspected might be working against them.

It’s possible they brought this one on themselves.

Anyhow, let’s go on to chapter two and see which of our allies decides to be an ass this time. 

Sigurd governs the region from Evans Castle, with his newly-wed wife Deirdre ever at his side.

(These two scare me.)

However, Grannvale’s actions in Verdane are ill received by neighboring Agustria.  The lords of Agustria lead a storm of heated rhetoric denouncing Grannvale. To make matters worse, the renowned pacifist Agustrian ruler, King Imca, has been slain by an unknown hand.

(Does the unknown hand’s name rhyme with ‘Vanfroy’?)

(WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE)

Even as the Agustrian crisis unfolds, the bulk of Grannvale’s army remains in Isaach.

(Guess which one of these lords isn’t totally evil. Go on. Guess. I’m sure you can get this one.)  

As the sole defender of Grannvale’s front, Sigurd once again finds himself in battle…

We start off zooming in once more on Nordion, where Eldigan and Lachesis are-

… Where Eldigan and LACHESIS are having a fight.  This is where we learn that Eldigan might have gotten the hair genes, but Lachesis clearly got the brains.

Lachesis: You’ll only be endangering yourself for a lost cause. He won’t listen to you!

Eldigan: You mustn’t say such things about your king! I, too, have heard the rumors of King Chagall’s involvement, but they are just that: rumors.

(Spoiler Alert: They are not rumors.)

Eldigan: There remains no evidence against him. Surely, His Majesty will see reason in this matter, if I simply persuade him.

Lachesis: But-

Eldigan: Enough! I’ll leave three of my finest knights here to defend Nordion, should the worst come to pass.

(Three. Three. Eldigan, you suck.)

Eldigan: Lachesis, you needn’t look so sad. I will be back. I promise. I’m not about to abandon you in death.

Lachesis: Eldie…

(Turn back, you fool! That’s one of the evil castles!)

(WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE)

Eldigan: Your father before you worked so hard to build an era of peace with Grannvale. A war will only bring ruin to our people, bringing disgrace upon your good name for generations to come. I implore you: Do not start a war!

Chagall: So it’s you… Eldigan of Nordion. You dastard… my father adored you, and you used his trust to undercut me at every turn. But now my father is no more… long live the king of all Agustria! For years you’ve made me play the fool, and now, I will reward you in kind. Guards! Throw this man in the dungeon!

Eldigan: W-wait! Your Majesty, please-

Chagall: Feh, good riddance, the eyesore. Send my orders to Bordeaux at Heirhein: Seize Nordion Castle! Once that nuisance is dealt with, we’re clear to throw all we’ve got at Grannvale!

Chagall: … There is no turning back now. Even so, I still don’t know if we stand a chance.

(Protip: The moment you’re describing yourself and Manfroy as ‘we,’ you’re already fucked.)

Manfroy: Remember, Grannvale still adheres to that tawdry old peace treaty with you, and their entire army is distracted in Isaach. Strike now, and you could not possibly fail.

Chagall: You’re right. The downfall of Grannvale will mark the rise of Agustria as Jugdral’s new leading power! “Chagall, Emperor of the World”… I like the sound of that.

Manfroy: Hmhmhm… we can only hope your ambition will be rewarded.

Man-boy: That isn’t our only problem, milady. With Lord Eldigan gone, we need to be aware of Heirhein’s movements.  Knowing his lordship’s absence, a strike from them is inevitable.

(“And for some reason he told everyone but me and two other guys to take a vacation.”)

Boy-man: After the Verdane incident, they’re most likely out for revenge on us. Especially lord Elliot.

Lachesis: Ugh, that Elliot… I can’t believe how many times I’ve had to tell him I’m not interested in him. Smug, self-absorbed swing like him are the absolute worst! If only more men were cut from the same cloth as Eldie… it’s too bad they aren’t, else perhaps someone would stand a chance to marry me. Perhaps.

(You keep telling yourself that brother complex will last forever, sweetie. I’m auditioning husbands for you as we speak. Fire Emblem!)

Rightfully Confused: Er… be that as it may, Lord Eldigan’s Cross Knights are still dispatched to the north at Fort Silvail, well away from here. We three are all who remain. Nordion is vulnerable, and they know it. Rest assured, my brothers and I will do all we can to defend the castle, but the odds are against us. I’m sorry, milady.

Lachesis: Very well. Thank you, Yves. But please, look after yourselves. Don’t waste your lives for me. Be sure to tell Eva and Alva that I’m sorry for this.

Yves: We are not worthy of such kind words, milady. Even so, Lord Eldigan handpicked us to defend you. Our lord gave us a task, and we will see it through. As paladins of Nordion, our lives are yours no matter what. To our dying breaths, we live to defend you!

Lord Bordeaux of Doucheheim: Ahahahaha, that’s perfect! Elliot, lay siege to Nordion at once! Let’s see some tears roll down Eldigan’s cheeks!

Elliot of Doucheheim: With pleasure, father!

Oifey: I bear a message from Lady Lachesis, pleading for aid.

Sigurd: They’ve taken Eldigan?! Why… why in the world would they treat a man so esteemed this way? Inform everybody to make ready. We ride for Nordion at once! No matter the cost, Lachesis needs us. He might never admit it, but Lachesis has always been dear to Eldigan. The loss of Lachesis would gravely wound him…

(Oh, bro, the problem is she’s too dear to him. And he’s WAY too dear to her. If you get my meaning.)

Deirdre: Milord… you’re preparing for another battle, aren’t you?

Sigurd: I’m sorry, Deirdre. I owe so much to Eldigan. I could never abandon his sister in a time like this.

Deirdre, Slayer of Men: I thought as much. I’m not about to stop you. No… I will accompany you.

Sigurd: What?! No, I can’t allow that! I refuse to endanger you like this.

Deirdre, Breaker of Souls: Milord, do you not remember our vows? You swore to never leave my side, and I… I am uneasy. I have a feeling that if you and I were to part, we would never find each other again. Please, grant me this. Let me stay by your side…

Sigurd: I’m sorry… you’re right. I did promise. Very well! Let us ride together. But you mustn’t leave my side.

Deirdre the World-ender: I won’t.

And there’s our set-up. Eldigan’s sister is in trouble and we must rush to protect her, because her brother decided to leave three dudes in case of invasion. Better than Aideen’s father leaving just Midir, I guess, but still. Now, since time is of the essence, let’s go shopping and do the Arena for a few hours.  

The armory has a Thunder tome for sale, so I have Azel buy it. It’s lighter than his Fire tome by a good margin, and that should really help his combat effectiveness until we can get him a Wind tome to round out his collection.  I also buy have him sell the Skill Ring since he doesn’t really need it, and give it to Lex to help out his accuracy a bit. Round things out by buying a Steel Lance for Finn and a Steel Bow for Midir.

Now then. Arena Time!

Sigurd: 7 wins, Gained two levels; +3 HP, +2 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Speed, +2 Defense

Deirdre: 3 wins, Gained one level; +1HP, +1 Magic, +1 Resistance. The order of the universe is restored.

Quan: 7 wins, Gained three levels; +4 HP, +2 Strength, +2 Speed, +1 Luck, +2 Defense, +1 Resistance. Praise Quan. All hail to Quan.

Ethlyn: Two wins, Gained one level. +1HP, +1 Speed, +1 Resistance

Arden: Four wins, gained one level; +1HP, +1 Strength, +1 Magic(?), +1 Defense

Noish: Two wins, gained one level; +1 Skill, +1 Luck.

Alec: Three wins, Gained one level; +1HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Speed

Finn: Five wins, gained two levels; +2 HP, +2 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Defense

Azel: Five wins, gained two levels; +1HP, +1 Skill +2 Speed, +1 Magic, +1 Luck, +1 Defense, +1 Resistance

Lex: Five wins, gained two levels; +2HP, +1 Speed, +2 Defense

Midir: Three wins, gained one level: +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Speed

Ayra: Seven wins, gained two levels; +3HP, +3 Skill, +2 Strength, +3 Speed, +1 luck

Jamke: Seven wins, gained three levels; +2 HP, +1 Strength,  +1 Speed, +2 Luck, +1 Resistance

Dew: Two wins; Gained one level; +1 HP, +1 Speed, +1 Defense

But wait. There’s more. See, on this chapter only, the first person to get to Rank 7 (In this case it’s Ayra because she’s perfect) gets to run into a Myrmidon named Holyn. And after you beat him…

Holyn: The way you fought. You were brimming with spirit! Hm, I’d wager there’s something you’re here to fight for, right? All I’ve done is chase the money for all these years… but I look at you, and suddenly it all feels so meaningless. Hey, I don’t suppose you’re recruiting? Maybe using my blade for something real and grander than myself is just what I need.

So here’s Holyn! He’s quite a badass; like a slightly slower but slightly more bulky Ayra, basically. And like her, he comes with both Pursuit and his own personal special sword skill; in his case Luna, which gives him a chance to randomly lower the enemy’s defense to zero before he attacks.  He also has Minor Odo blood, which means he actually is related to her, albeit distantly.  Probably a third cousin or something crazy like that.  And of course, he can do the Arena himself, so… yeah, gonna be here for awhile longer…

Holyn: Six wins, gained two levels; +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Defense

All right! This run’s Noish now has the dubious honor of being the first unit abandoned forever. Sorry, Noish, but it’s just that I am pretty sure you haven’t gotten one good level this entire run.  As opposed to Midir, who has gained nothing but amazing levels and yet still can’t beat the arena. I don’t know what’s going on with him.  

*deep breath* Let’s go save Lachesis!  

Here’s the chapter map. Evans is in the bottom right corner, and just like in the last chapter Nordion is just to the west of it, with Heirhein to the west of that. There are three other enemy castles, all of which need to be taken, and a large cluster of villages in the very center, scattered among forests. Most of them have just money, but a few have very excellent items and it’s… it’s not easy to get them all. I’ll try, but don’t hold your breath.  

Sob.

To start, we have to reach Nordion and fight off the Douche Brigade before they are able to kill Lachesis and take the castle. Let’s look in at her situation.

Eh, We’ve seen worse. The first few turns are going to just be having our units run their butts off to try and reach her before her three idiots friends get slaughtered.  To start, have all your horse units move as close to Nordion as they can, with one exception: Ethlyn should move just one space more than Deirdre can.  Because…

SISTER IN LAW SLUMBER PARTY FUN TIMES!        

Deirdre: Everything will be all right, I can feel it. So long as I’m at Sigurd’s side, our happiness will see us through.

Ethlyn: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sigurd as happy as he’s been since he met you. He’s practically a changed man!

Deirdre: Ethlyn…here. I’d like you to have this. I’ve been meaning to give it to you for a while.

Ethlyn: Oh? … Is… is this a light brand?! Wow, these are so rare and hard to come by! Are you sure you want to give me this?

Deirdre: Of course. I know that it will serve you well.

Ethlyn: I can’t thank you enough, Deirdre! I’ll always treasure it.

The Light Brand is a pretty cool sword; it can attack from either one to two spaces away, like a mage or a throwing weapon, but the difference is that while it acts like a normal sword at close range, it casts a spell if used from two spaces away.  A great tool for sword units who have better magic than strength like Ethlyn…

… Should.  End turn.

Lord Doucheiott of Doucheheim: She’s been playing cruel games with my heart for years… but look how the tables have turned! I’ve an entire army behind me, against her insignificant guard. What could she possibly do? She’s powerless to resist coming back to Heirhein with me! And who knows… Perhaps one day she’ll admit she wants it.

God dammit, another rapist. We should start mounting their heads on our pikes to try and discourage future ones.

Naturally, the Douche Brigade takes this turn to move closer to Nordion, just as we did. Behind them, a general and the armor knights wait in a defensive line between us and the cast-

DUDE I WAS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF SAYING THAT.

Scrooge McDuck: Under the old king, you couldn’t even dare to meddle in any of his property… yet it is the easiest thing to cheat Chagall! Strip everything of worth you find and bring it back here. Leave no stone unturned!

Now these four little fucks go right for the villages in the center of the map, and start burning them. And as you see, they’re Neutral units to start with; even if we reach them, we can’t kill them until after a story event turns the Anphony faction hostile to us. And that happens when you, you guessed it: Take Heirhein. From here, the game becomes a race to destroy Heirhein’s army and take the castle ASAP in the hope of getting someone to the villages fast enough to save them; I have personally never managed to save them all, though getting the majority is pretty doable. I’ll give it the old college try on this run, but it’s stupid hard and even one unexpected wound on a unit you were planning to help can fuck the whole thing up.

Pray to Quan, he who giveth his shining heir Finn to the world.

Switzerland: Let’s wait and see how this unfolds. Instruct the men to remain where they are until the dust settles.

Hey, that’s two Agustrian lords who aren’t total douches, him and Eldigan. I mean, he’s not a great guy on account of anyone with a brain could tell that Herhein is as evil as a barrel of Nazis, but at least he isn’t trying to rob his own people and/or rape a young woman.

Once again, nothing to be done but move closer on our turn. Everyone goes as far as they can, and end the turn.

On Heirhein’s turn, they reach the castle and start their attack. And now the second annoying part of the map starts. See, Yves, Eva, and Alva give you a very neat item if you can manage to get them out of the mission alive. But while they are stronger than most of the enemy units; they are also massively outnumbered and, to put it mildly, total fucking morons. So even if you save them from Heirhein, which is not guaranteed by any means, they will run right up to pick fights with any enemy unit that comes remotely near them, even if it leaves them surrounded and chipped to death from all sides.  The only way to reliably do it is to make sure that after you kill all the Heirhein Douche Brigade, you leave Lachesis right here by herself, thus gimping her experience gain for the entire map. And Lachesis is a fuckin’ good investment, to put it mildly.  

There really isn’t a good option here, is my point.  I may make this a short update and leave it to a vote after I take Heirhein, that part is fairly simple to keep them alive through.

When we actually reach the battle, you guys are in for such a pinch.  

The Heirhein phase goes about as well as can be expected; the enemy divides its attention among all three knights rather than focusing on and killing one. All three of them take some damage, but they’ll live until we can reach them. Now, it’s finally time to rock.

Looka that! Even Alec got a kill, like a real boy.  I have Sigurd run in and talk to Lachesis, recruiting her.

Lachesis: Yes, he’s still in Agusty. It’s as if all the lords have turned on us… Please, Sir Sigurd… lend us your might. No matter what it takes, my brother must be saved.

Sigurd: Of course. I’ve no fondness for bringing war to foreign lands, but in this case we’ve little choice. His Majesty, King Azmur, is aware of King Imca’s assassination, and of Chagall’s hand in it. He’s received word of Chagall’s ambitiions to invade Grannvale itself, and has already approved military action. His Majesty also believes Eldigan’s rescue to be vital if we’re to put an end to hostilities. Rest assured, Lachesis. I swear that I’ll save Eldigan…

Careful, Siggy. Deirdre will get jealous. Now, before we end the turn, let’s take a look at Lachesis.

So here’s the new girl. She starts out underleveled and with base stats that aren’t particularly great other than Speed, which honestly should be a flag screaming LEVEL HER UP. Fortunately it isn’t super hard to do that because she’s a great support unit already: Like Ethlyn, she can use both swords and staves, and comes with a unique weapon called the Miracle Sword that is on a tier just above Steel and just below Silver, which can only be used by female characters. Further, she comes with the ability Charm, which gives allies near her a 10% boost to both accuracy and evasion.  For Holy Blood, she’s got Minor Hezul; +20% to HP growth and +30% to Strength, which is the sort of thing I wish Dew had.      

On the Nordion phase, the Three Stooges choose to go on the offensive rather than hide behind Lachesis where they FUCKING BELONG, but they do kill one enemy and weaken another. My hope now is that Elliot will choose to go for one of my units rather than them.  Come on, douche, Midir is in your range! Parked on a tree!

Good man.

Now it’s time to wipe him out. The first thing to note is that Elliot himself has a droppable Silver Lance, which means we want the kill to go to Quan, for preference. To start, I have a few other folks team up to remove his bodyguards…

Solid. For Elliot himself, I think Lex should be able to soften him up without killing him, so I have him engage with his pretty new toy, putting it to good use for once…

And then send Quan in to finish up.  

Oh, that was pretty much perfect. Wonderful, you guys, wonderful.  Everyone also makes a straight run to Heirhein after their attacks, because the enemy has officially been wiped out now.  Time to start crashing against their defense line! It’s all fairly standard stuff, with only two things worth nothing. First: the general leading them has a droppable item, the Return Band. It lets the unit holding it warp back to your home base whenever they want. That’s not terribly useful, so I’m taking it as a ‘whoever kills him gets it as their bonus.’ And then there’s this:

There are two ballistae in this group. They’re not a huge danger to land units; they aren’t very accurate and they aren’t very strong. But they have a huge range and they can totally annihilate any flying units they target, so it’s a good idea to start training yourself to spot and track them now, for when we actually have some of those. For now, though we just have to end the turn.  We have one more turn before the first bandits reach the villages; this is gonna be close either way.  

Lachesis can start off her tenure in our forces by healing her own idiots back up to full. With luck she’ll gain her first level in doing so.   The rest of the team rushes forward again, and now we’re in range of the Douche Brigade Part 2.  If I have this done properly, the horses will be able to do a solid start on them and then rush past to start going for the castle itself, and then the infantry can mop up.

I probably don’t have it right.  

End turn!

… That’s it? One guy takes one shot at Quan and you end your turn? Bastards. And now the bandits are in the villages, so the time limit has gone down sharply. Come on, my turn!

Some, you know, thank-yous to go around here. I’d like to thank Sigurd for missing and throwing off the rhythm when he was supposed to kill that guy, and I’d like to thank Finn for disappointing me with a level for the first time. Also, after all that boondoggle about getting Quan a Silver Lance, I forgot to have him equip it, so thanks to my stupidity.  

Still, probably it will go okay. Alec might not die. End turn!

… Well, I was right about Alec, anyway. I forgot how hard that general hits, dammit.  Okay, reset. Let’s try and go after him first, taking away his leadership stars from his army. Maybe we’ll take fewer hits that way, too.  

WHY WON”T YOU DIE?

FUCK OFF.

*deep breath*

Okay. Well. Um. End the turn. This is gonna be ugly.  

WHOO!  Oh, jeez, we came… really close there. That was bad.  But in the end we pull through without losses.  A lot of very hurt people, though.

Buuuuut guess who is close enough to start heeeeeelping…

Welcome to the fight, slowpokes.

Now, with the cavalry beat up pretty bad, I have an issue.  Lex, Finn, and Midir really need healed. But I also need to keep pushing forward. So I have Quan and Alec rush out to kill one of the ballistas;

And let Lex tag the other, then run down to the west. This puts him out of the range of anyone; he can’t get healed, but nothing can attack him this turn. For the rest, I have Sigurd take out a lance dude and run up toward Heirheim, with Ethlyn behind him in case he gets a boo-boo.  Finn, now the only person left in this mess, runs for his damn life, stopping only to Javelin a dude.

Well-javelined, bro.  The enemy is now three attack units and a priest, and everyone they can attack is in reasonable health. Including Jamke, who is high priority target because he can’t fight at melee, and yet he’s durable enough to last and dodges like a cat. I hope they go for him. End turn!

… Shit, got to close to the Cross Knights. Well. Even they can’t die to this few enemies. They are going to steal a kill, though. Fuckers.

On the Heirhein phase, the two remaining armors decide to bully the Cross Knights, and you know what? I don’t even care. They don’t steal any more kills, they don’t die, I’ll take it. And on my turn…

The enemy is taught the error of their ways. Sigurd, Quan, Ethlyn, and… Alec, of all people, reach the outskirts of Heirhein and can attack next turn.  Let’s end-

… I forgot he has a bow and parked Sigurd in his range. Oops. Well, he doesn’t do too much damage. And at close range he uses a sword, so the best choice to take him on is actually Quan; I send Sigurd and Alec to clear the way…

(And I think Alec absorbed Noish’s very little usefulness to become some kind of Alec-Noish fusion with the combined power of both. Which is actually only average power.)  

… And with the way clear, I ignore the mooks and send Quan right at the boss.

Praise Quan! Okay. Okay. Ethlyn has a 100% chance to hit.  Unless I’m reading the math wrong, she can do this, and then I can take the castle next turn. Everyone else can just start moving up north toward Anphony and the villages. I might pull this off. Ethlyn, don’t disappoint me!

…………………. Ethlyn, why is every good thing you do also tainted by the miserable stench of failure this run? Is it Finn? Did Finn steal your talent? At least you’re super fast.

I move everyone up toward the next objective except Quan, Sigurd, and Alec. On Heirheim’s turn the two remaining mooks take shots at them, no biggie, both miss… except one also blocks Sigurd’s path to conquer the castle!

Dick! We could have gotten through this without additional bloodshed, but you had to make it personal.

And with that, Heirhein falls. When you take a castle all the units ‘tied’ to it immediately die, so the last mook just vanishes.  

Sigurd: Nordion should be safe, but Eldigan is still being held in the capital. Furthermore…

Oifey: Yes?

Sigurd: I’m hearing that the frontier towns in the central forests as grappling with bandit raids. We can’t afford to leave them be.

Oifey: Agreed. It is crucial that we help the locals, that we might convince them we aren’t their enemy. In that case, we must ride for the north at once. There’s no time to waste. Let’s go!

Thanks, Oifey.  Because I wasn’t already feeling rushed.

(DAMMIT CHAGALL DON’T PUT YOUR CREEPY OLD-MAN FACE ON SCREEN WITHOUT WARNING ME)

Chagall: There had better be a good explanation for your behavior, Macbeth!

Scrooge Macbeth: Er, um… my humblest apologies, your majesty! Forgive me, I beg of you! I’ve already sent the order for Waltz’s sellsword unit to move in at once!

(“And behind him, Tango and Cha-cha’s units are ready to make war upon your command!”)

Waltz: Bet he’s gonna send us in, then ‘ave his men turn tail right when we need ‘em. I’m stayin’ put till I see how this all plays out. Oi, Beowulf, how about you?

Beowulf: Yeah, I ain’t up for this at all, Waltz. That Macbeth swine really rubs me the wrong way. I’m this close to just walkin’ off the job.

Waltz: You’re a free man, Beowulf. If a job isn’t right for you, you’re free to quit it.  That’s the funny thing about mercenaries, innit? Today’s pals are tomorrow’s foes.

Beowulf: Amen to that. Hopefully we’re not gonna end up enemies someday. Wouldn’t have a hope in hell against you, would I?

(FORESHADOWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING)

Waltz: Heh… ain’t met anybody in the whole world who can take me!

*cracks knuckles* Sounds like a challenge to me, bro.

And now, to close things out, let’s start our turn, and meet the one shot we have at saving those villages…

Mystery Bard: Bandits? Isn’t the Agustrian army doing something about them?  

Villager: The army? Hah! That’s rich, boy! The army’s too busy with their little civil war to deal with our problems. Clearly that’s more important than our safety. Actually, that’s not all… rumor is, the Lord of Anphony himself is pulling the bandit’s strings here.

Bard: Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding. That’s it. That guy’s gotta go. I’ll go sort out the bandits, okay? Now, how big a reward’ll be waiting here for me when I get back?

Villager: Still full of hot air, are ya? Just get outta here, wise guy. Nobody here’s got the time to listen to you blowing your own horn.  

Lewyn: Sylvia?! Damn! Er…I mean… you found me!

Sylvia: Yeah, I found ya! You had your fun with me, so you’re just dumpin’ me without so much as a goodbye?!

Lewyn: Hey, mind that tongue of yours! We barely just met here a week ago! We’ve only been out for dinner… what, two or three times? You’re a dancer, I’m a bard… there’s not much else to it.

Sylvia: But… but you called me adorable! That… that really meant a lot to me…

Lewyn: Er… sometimes I just say things and odn’t really mean them…

(Smooth, brah.)

Lewyn: Oh, come on! Enough with the tears! Things’ll probably get rough out there, though.  Think you’ll be okay?

Sylvia: Yeah! I like it rough!

(She’s fourteen, by the way.)

Lewyn: Jeez, she was crying her eyes out just a few seconds ago. It’s like she never really grew up.

(See above.)

Sylvia: Huh?

Lewyn: Er, nothing! Let’s get going.

Hilarious! Hahahahaha! Yeah, she really is fourteen. Didn’t make that up. Fourteen years old. And yes, she can marry someone.

I said I was going to marry off every possible girl. Because of story reasons. Damn my soul. 

I’m going to go take a long, hot shower and try to scrub off this feeling of shame. The rest of you, see you back here next week when we try to forget everything we just saw, and start our counter-attack on those village robbing fiends!

… Fourteen.

Total Resets: 4.  Finn, why. 

Part 6

[wikitopx]

What do the films American Psycho, Scott Pilgrim vs The World and Repo Men have in common? Well, they were all set in the city of Toronto!

You don’t have to be a cinephile to appreciate this Canadian city, though. Here lies all the glittering modernity of cities further south in the USA, with just a fraction of the gun violence, and a hearty boost of ethnic and cultural diversity.

So if you don’t mind the slightly strange accents or a bit of northern wind-chill, perhaps this Ontarian capital may be the vacation destination for you. In which case, you’ll probably be looking for things to do in Toronto. What a total coincidence that you’ve stumbled across this article then!

1. Toronto Reference Library

This is not a tourist attraction in the same sense that some other entries on this article are. That is, it isn’t a place where you go in with and come out having accomplished an act of Tourism.

This is the type of attraction that strikes a similar chord to St. Andrews Church. Come here for a love of books, knowledge and learning. This complex is vast, with students and casual readers scattered all around. Expect light background noise in the lush sound of pages flipping, fingers typing and the hum of air-conditioning.

Fans of Sherlock Holmes might be interested in the Arthur Conan Doyle Collection of this library, considered one of the most comprehensive in the world. Marvel at the first edition of Sherlock’s adventures, or pick up a copy of Doyle’s other, less well-known books.

2. Casa Loma

Originally built for Sir Henry Mill Pellatt, a Canadian financier who was credited with pioneering hydro-electricity in Canada by building a plant to harness the power of the Niagara Falls, Casa Loma is stunning.

A house built in the Gothic Revival style, sitting at 140m above sea level and overlooking the rest of Toronto, Casa Loma has been the setting for many a famous film, no doubt because of it’s otherworldly architecture. Jutting turrets, exposed grey brick and grand glass windows, it plays to every gothic fantasy there ever was.

The attraction here, however, doesn’t end with just the castle itself. Casa Loma is also known for its enchanting gardens. Wandering around the immaculately groomed grounds will leave you feeling like you’ve stepped back into a place far, far away, from a long, long time ago. Fr those wishing to learn more about the history behind this building, self-guided tours are available here in several languages!

The original X-Men movie was actually filmed here!

3. Queen Street West

New York has Soho, Toronto has Queen Street West - known by locals as Queen West.

You won’t be able to mistake this type of area. Every metropolis has something like it. Instead of plaster and paint, you find brickwork and graffiti. For tourists, this is the land of Chinese restaurants and antique stores. You can even swing by after the sun goes down for a drink with live jazz music at The Rex.

If hipster adventures are your thing, this is the street for you. And what meal could really be more hipster than brunch? For those seeking a less conventional meal experience, give our recommended King and Queen West Brunch Walking Tour a shot. Link below!

4. Toronto Zoo

Almost every major city has a zoo of some sort. However, not every zoo can claim to have the same number of species in its care as the Toronto Zoo. As of now, it has over 5000 individual animals in its care, totalling more than 500 species!

Even if those numbers seem abstract to you, at least know this about the Zoo. It is one of only 13 Zoos around the world that has the privilege of hosting Giant Pandas. They are further distinguished by the fact that they, in fact, have 2 Giant Pandas! Who on earth could possibly resist these charming fuzzy creatures?

5. Ontario Science Centre

You’re never too old to learn something new! Whether you’re 6, 16 or 60, there’s sure to be something interesting in the Ontario Science Centre for everyone.

For the older ones among you, there are the typical science exhibits you may remember from middle school excursions. Think planetariums, practical physics exhibits and fun science shows demonstrating the seemingly impossible!

If pure science doesn’t quite seem to be your cup of tea, take a walk around and admire the many art displays around the museum. Ogle at The Maple Museum Forever Tree or consider the significance of climate change with the Portraits of Resilience photo exhibition.

In the spring and summer season, there’s even an outdoor park section of the museum where one can see live moss graffiti and take a ride on a tree slide made of 125-year-old Eastern White Pine.

6. St Lawrence Market

St Lawrence Market can look like a stern - even boring - structure from the outside, but appearances can be deceiving. Step inside, and you’ll find yourself whisked away into the delightful mess of one of the world’s best farmer’s markets.

To clarify, know that St Lawrence Market is actually split into three distinct sections, namely The South Market, The North Market, and St Lawrence Hall. Depending on when you drop by St Lawrence Market, the mix of shops will be different. Weekends would really be the best time to come, as The North Market holds two special events on each day.

Saturdays are for Saturday’s Farmer’s Market, a centuries-old tradition where Ontarian farmers bring their finest seasonal produce down to Toronto, where Sundays are when The North Market floods with antique sellers hawking their wares.

Fresh produce is not all there is to the Market, however. If you do come down, be sure to come down with an empty stomach, as St Lawrence Market is also home to hawkers selling the best of Ontarian comfort food. If you’re looking for a good Portuguese egg custard tart or a proper Canadian peameal sandwich, St Lawrence Market is your place!

7. Distillery District

Where Kensington Square may have piecemeal sections of Victorian-era architecture splintered across the neighbourhood, the Distillery District rocks the Victorian vibe through and through.

As the name suggests, this area was first developed as an industrial complex to support the distillation of whisky. At one point, this neighbourhood held the biggest distillery in the world, exporting more than 2 million gallons (7.6 million litres) of whisky a year. When alcohol was no longer enough to keep this busy industrial area afloat, the district did undergo a period of abandonment.

In the modern-day, however, the Distillery District has been yanked back to life. Now a pedestrian-only area, the industry that’s come to wash over this area is art. Expect galleries and theatre shows here, and stop for a bite to eat in one of the District’s many award-winning restaurants and cafes.

8. Niagara Falls

What can be said about the Niagara Falls that has not been said before? It is an awesome sight, in the most original sense of the word. It is a vivid display of Mother Nature’s might, flowing at up to 68km/hour (41 mph).

For those not familiar with North American geography, did you know that the Falls actually span across both the US and Canada? However, if you were to visit Niagara Falls from New York, you’d be seeing a completely different Falls than from Ontario. The good news here, though, is that the Ontarian end of the Falls is the grander one, with a much wider brink and more powerful stream. Score for Canada!

While it is about a 1.5-hour drive away from Toronto, it is definitely a must-see for anybody in the southern region of Ontario. In addition to the falls proper, there is also the Niagara History Museum, two different waterparks, as well as the World’s Largest Free-Flying Aviary - Bird Kingdom. For those who feel the prospect of planning an entire day trip out to the falls is too overwhelming, perhaps an organised tour might be the option for you! Check it out in the tour link below.

9. Ripley's Aquarium of Canada

Ripley’s, an American franchise better known for their Believe It Or Not! museums all over the world, has an aquarium in Toronto. Rather than the usual exhibits on strange phenomena from all over the world, the focus of this museum is on the somewhat more standard topic of aquatic life.

That is not to say, however, that this aquarium is in any way lacking intrigue. Featuring a total of 10 different galleries, a day in this aquarium can see you through a mind-boggling number of activities. From a journey on North America’s longest moving walkway - with some of the ocean’s most dangerous animals swimming around you - to a swim with real stingrays, you can look forward to a truly immersive experience with Ripley’s. For those who cannot stand queues at popular attractions like these, pre-booking your ticket is an absolute must! Look in the below for where you can book tickets online.

10. Royal Ontario Museum

Located right in the middle of downtown Toronto, no visit to the city is complete without at least a brief visit to the Royal Ontario Museum. It is the largest museum in Canada, and certainly one of the largest in North America.

The Royal Ontario Museum covers more than just art. Let sheer curiosity be your guide, and you’ll find yourself seeing everything from Near Eastern and African cultural artifacts to the world’s largest collection of fossils (more than 150,000 specimens!). There’s even a gallery that’s a life-size mock-up of the St Clair Cave in Jamaica, complete with 20 bat specimens and over 800 models.

Just don’t expect yourself to be able to finish the whole museum in a day (or even a whole week), as there are over 40 galleries in this museum, totalling more than 6 million artifacts. If you took only a second to look at each artifact, that would still amount to almost 70 straight days of browsing!

Read also: Top 9 things to do in Nagoya, Japan

From : https://wikitopx.com/travel/top-10-things-to-do-in-toronto-2-705721.html

[fashiontrendin-blog]

The Ultimate Guide To The Tudor Pelagos

http://fashion-trendin.com/the-ultimate-guide-to-the-tudor-pelagos/

The Ultimate Guide To The Tudor Pelagos

It’s the diving watch that nobody can get enough of. No, not the Tudor Pelagos, which is the watch we’re actually here to talk about – rather, the Heritage Black Bay. Whether in bronze or steel, framed by a burgundy or navy aluminium bezel, it is the blue-eyed posterboy for Tudor’s recent renaissance, and a modern classic in every sense.

Yet, amazingly, this handsome waterbaby was only reissued a few years back, drawing its retro design cues from an old Tudor diving watch that went by the name, ‘Submariner’.

Sound familiar? Of course it does. Switzerland’s modern-era genius Hans Wilsdorf founded his Tudor label in 1946, forty years after launching a little brand you might know called Rolex. Named after the colourful English historical period (Wilsdorf was a self-confessed Anglophile), Tudor was built on the promise of, “a watch that our agents could sell at a more modest price, that would attain the standards of dependability for which Rolex is famous”, as Wilsdorf put it.

The Tudor Pelagos Backstory

By the mid-fifties, he had launched in parallel to Rolex’s immortal, James Bond-endorsed Submariner the Tudor equivalent, which was immediately snapped up by the era’s pioneering SCUBA hobbyists and elite naval frogmen. Cased-up in Rolex’s signature watertight ‘Oyster’ case with screwed-down crown, yet fitted with cheaper, outsourced mechanics, the Tudor Sub’ was realistically affordable kit for French Navy divers until 1981.

Despite its successes, Tudor, like so many others, was damaged by the ‘quartz crisis’ of the 1970s, when cheap Far Eastern imports hammered the traditional craft in Europe. Rolex tried its best to bail out its sibling, but Tudor eventually disappeared from the limelight, pottering along (ironically enough) in the Far East.

That is until 2010, when the ‘Heritage Chrono’ revived one of Tudor’s groovy ’70s waterbabies with a kaleidoscopic ‘Monte Carlo’ dial. Two years later and Tudor was hands-down back in the game, thanks to the launch of the Heritage Black Bay – the watch that has consolidated Tudor’s newfound identity as a colourful, nostalgic, and extraordinarily affordable brand.

Which brings us – finally! – to the Tudor Pelagos. Because, as lovely as the Black Bay is, in all its iterations, it is ultimately a tribute act. A Now That’s What I Call A Tudor Submariner greatest-hits mix of retro details, such as the famous ‘snowflake’ hours hand of 1969, the oversize crown, and the ‘Pepsi’ bezel of the GMT (aka The Watch That Won Baselworld 2018).

A Modern Day Diving Watch

The Pelagos launched quietly in the same year as the first Black Bay reboot, and was designed on a blank sheet of paper with a simple brief: make the perfect modern diving watch. Much like the Submariner back in 1953, in fact.

Nothing was overlooked and everything is just-so. It is almost impossible to see where Tudor could improve on things and sure enough, apart from 2016’s left-hand-crown version and the switch from an ETA movement to Tudor’s own top-flight MT5612 calibre a year before that, nothing else has been tweaked since 2012.

The Build Quality

Its potent cocktail of saltwater qualifications starts with the titanium case – a super-tough metal that’s incredibly tricky to engineer to diving-watch tolerances, yet lightweight, with a grey sheen that complements a two-piece suit as well as a wet one. Not only that, but Tudor’s casemaking facility has managed to machine and seal up all those titanium components to a water resistance rating of 500 metres. Far beyond the reach of the finest SCUBA divers, but ‘good to know’ and hugely reassuring at that.

Then there’s the use of scratch-proof ceramic for the most prominent surface of the watch, the rotating timing bezel, meaning glances against coral (or brick walls inside trendy pubs) won’t scuff things up. The aforementioned mechanics stay self-wound thanks to an internal rotor that swings with your arm movements, but if you leave your Pelagos motionless on the dresser top on Friday night, it’ll still be ticking come Monday morning thanks to a power reserve of 70 hours (the previous ETA calibre manages a mere 42). It will have lost or gained just a few seconds, thanks to above-and-beyond levels of fine-tuning at Tudor’s watchmaking ateliers, surpassing even the strict requirements of Switzerland’s ‘COSC’ chronometer rating (the official system used to certify the precision of Swiss watches).

The Design

It’s as if Tudor has been building up to the Pelagos ever since 1954’s Submariner – and as future-forward as its physical make-up may be, what’s particularly charming is the one concession to its genetic makeup: that snowflake hours hand from 1969. Meaning it sits alongside the Black Bay collection not as the all-mod-cons show-off, but rather a more utilitarian and professionally minded offshoot.

“Though Tudor has a long history of building eminently capable dive watches,” says mad-keen SCUBA diver, free diver and diving watch authority, Jason Heaton, “perhaps its best one is its most recent.

“The Pelagos has been called by many the best modern dive watch, full stop, and I’m not inclined to disagree. The minimalism is born out of pure, stripped-down utility, saved from brutal sterility by the mesmerising cerulean dial and ceramic of the Blue version.

“And then there is the clasp,” Heaton continues, “which is perhaps the Pelagos’s pièce de résistance: micro-adjustment notches allow for fine-tuning while the floating section expands to accommodate a thick wetsuit and contracts to take up slack as the suit compresses under water pressure.���

The most impressive feature, however? The pricetag. All of the above – Rolex pedigree, military heritage, future-proof engineering, in-house precision mechanics and super-smooth styling – is yours for £3,160.

The Helium Escape Valve

As if the Pelagos’s rigorously complete package of sub-aqua features wasn’t enough, there’s a helium escape valve thrown into the bargain too. In total contrast to the primary purpose of diving watches, however, this actually has nothing to do with the pursuit of SCUBA, snorkeling or indeed doing the washing up. Instead, it is a simple device located on the caseband, invented by Rolex over 50 years ago for industrial divers working on the submerged steelwork of oil rigs for days at a time – deep ‘saturation’ dives in bathyscaphe diving bells.

The divers’ pressurised atmospheric air was saturated with helium, which, being the smallest atom, passes through the microscopic gaps of even the most rugged diving watch. Once their ‘tour of duty’ was over and they returned to ambient pressure conditions, the dial crystals of their Rolex Submariners were popping off, as the helium gas inside couldn’t escape quickly enough. Rolex’s response was a remarkably simple, patented valve, located on the side of 1967’s Sea-Dweller Submariner model – also upped to 610m water resistance for good measure.

There are far too many me-too diving watches out there, unnecessarily fitted with helium escape valves – after all, the chances of deep-SCUBA-diving while wearing a watch worth thousands of pounds is slim enough; the chances of making it into an industrial bathyscaphe at the bottom of the ocean practically negligible. But as the direct descendant of Rolex’s professionally endorsed divers, the Pelagos is a rare example of a diving watch whose helium escape valve you can forgive. Expect, even.

Owning A Tudor Pelagos

How To Wear It

The great thing about a diving watch? Even if you don’t dive at all, you can realistically justify wearing one from a luxury watch brand – unlike anyone with a Porsche 911 GT3 RS who doesn’t make track days a regular fixture. You can put it on and forget about it, safe in the knowledge that a spontaneous dip in the pool or unexpected cloudburst may mess up your hair, but certainly not the delicate Swiss mechanics ticking on your wrist.

The luminous dial markings are handy for checking the time en route to your 4am bathroom visit, and you know its chunky case will survive a knock or two, whether your clambering back aboard a RIB or assembling an IKEA flatpack. For all its specialist purpose, it doesn’t even command much of a premium (unlike that race-worthy Porker) plus its voluptuous proportions and purity of design make for a discerning statement accessory. Bottom line? A Tudor Pelagos is fish, fowl, or whatever else you want it to be.

Tudor Pelagos Iterations

Black Ref. M25600TN-0001

As pure a diving watch as can be, its monochrome aesthetic working across the board, from flippers to wing-tips. Assuming your natural habitat is more land than sea however, wear this with the classic combo of black rollneck, neutral chinos and – thanks to the Pelagos’s choice of techy titanium case over classic steel – a pair of boxfresh white trainers.

Blue Ref. M25600TB-0001

Cobalt, midnight, sky… when it comes to wristwatches, much like clothes, blue is the coolest and most versatile colour. Green may be a trend having a go, salmon suits only the swarthiest of tans, but the blue dial is one trend that looks set to stay, for good reason. So hats off to Tudor for a) answering everyone’s pleas for a blue version of the Pelagos in 2015, and b) exceeding everyone’s hopes with a shade that manages to channel the Maldives shallows. So, essentially, let this watch speak for itself, pairing with a muted palette of linens, vintage Persols and an insouciant swagger fit for a Riviera quayside.

LHD Ref. M25610TNL-0001

Back in the early seventies, the story goes that the French Navy’s elite frogmen made a special request to their watch supplier, Tudor: they wanted ‘left-handed’ versions of their Submariner diving watches, which could be worn on the right wrist with the crown on the left for easy adjustment. Before, some left-handed divers had even had to make do by wearing their watches upside down.

Bringing this little-known quirk of its history to light, Tudor took everyone by surprise in late 2016 with a new edition to the Pelagos diving range, named LHD for ‘Left Hand Drive’. Crown duly on the right (enabled by simply turning the in-house mechanics by 180º, and turning the hands 180º the other way), it also comes with two tastefully retro touches: urgent-red date-window and ‘Pelagos’ markings, plus so-called ‘beige’ luminescent paint to mimic the patina of vintage models (no, really, the official grade of SuperLuminova® is ‘Beige’).

The deliberately vintage vibe, in concert with utilitarian robustness, is ‘modern urbanite creative’ through and through – as nu-hipster as it gets. Think artisan denim workwear, trucker’s cap, and an alarming passion for talking ‘craft’ over a pint of similarly crafted IPA.

The Movement

A highfalutin ‘haute horlogerie’ movement, with its hand-polished screws and finicky tourbillon carriages or perpetual calendars is all very well, but designing a utilitarian ‘base calibre’ like Tudor’s MT5612 in lieu of the long-proven, industry-standard automatics made by Swatch Group’s ETA facility is – while less romantic – a far more impressive feat.

More have to be made on an industrialised level, to similar precision and tolerances, with a longer lifespan in terms of both physical robustness and future-proofing. Setting up a base-calibre ‘manufacture’ with all its CNC milling machines and expert technicians will cost upwards of €10 million and require years of development. Tudor is clearly stepping up by several gears.

Production is stepping up, too. With 2015’s original MT5601 movement complete with power reserve function having proved its horological chops in the North Flag model, this tiny powerhouse is now driving proceedings across Tudor’s men’s line, in various subtle iterations (the Pelagos’s MT5612 comes with a handy date function).

It’s proved its chops elsewhere in Switzerland, too, with industry stalwart Breitling now adapting the MT5601 for its own chronometers in a surprise exchange deal that sees the pilot-watchmaker supplying its own in-house B01 chronograph movement back to Tudor, who, by the way, still manages to keep the price point below the equivalent Breitling chronographs. Who knows how… we’ve all stopped asking questions like that, with Tudor’s ever-ascendant capabilities and (presumably) economies of scale.