#the entirety of my twenties has been a constant cycle of 'youre not gay because youre trans and therefore not really a man'

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I find it frustrating how being a gnc and gay makes it hard to talk about my experiences as a trans person.

Both because the experiences themselves are so different from the norm. And because, if i try to talk about transphobia I face there's this underlying idea that because im a feminine trans man, I deserve it or at least could avoid it by being less feminine.

And there really is no way to win because if I'm feminine, then I'm not really a man (or not trying hard enough to be one) but if im masculine then I'm not queer enough and get shit from within the community for that too.

And I cant relate to the average trans masc experience (tm) because my (lesbian) mother's idea is that I should be a butch lesbian instead of a fem gay man so the lack of acceptance from them comes in the form of barring me from wearing makeup or "flashy" clothes, as opposed to the more typical enforced femininity.

How much of myself am I expected to give up? And more importantly, why is that expectation coming from other queer people, people who should know better?