#the entire time they filmed it meant nothing ever happened to make the tension & chemistry go away

[raisedbythetv89]

in an alternate universe somewhere kristen bell saves jason dohring from scientology and in return he saves her from ever marrying dax shepherd bc the two of them get together instead.

[mae-gi-writes]

Behind The Crown (Part Two) | Kevin Moon Imagine (The Boyz)

Prince Kevin Moon x Second-In-Command Reader. A Royal Kingdom AU.

Genre: fluff, royal kingdom au, angst

Words: 3K

Part One | Part Two

-------

The sun is shining a little too bright the next day as Kevin peels his eyelids open. For a minute, he allows himself to mull over the peaceful chirping of birds outside, the gentle lull of waves in the distance crashing against the cliff's edge. 

And then, last night rushes back to him like a tidal wave.

He'd held her and kissed her, kissed her till she was nothing but a gasping mess against his lips, until her legs had melted into jelly and his hands had found a way around her waist to hold her up and pressed against his torso. 

"Kevin," she had breathed, and that had only incited him to dip his head down and kiss her once more, addicted to the taste of her. She was pure art that he held against himself and Kevin was certain there was nothing more that he wanted if she was in his arms like this forever. 

"Wait--" she'd turned her head then, causing his mouth to kiss her jaw instead, "this--this isn't right. We shouldn't--" 

"Shouldn't what?" He murmured breathlessly as his lips trailed up her cheekbone, "I'm prince of Meridia, I can do whatever I want." 

Hands on his chest, she pushed him slightly so that she could look into his eyes, and that had only caused him to gaze down in naked adoration. Desire swam in the pits of his stomach, rushed through his veins like a drug that left him light-headed.  

"Don't," her voice was rough, "don't look at me like that."

Kevin gazed at her. His lips tilted up in the tiniest of smiles.

"Run away with me," he answered.

"What?" She pulled away from him, "how is that going to solve anything?" 

"I've listened to my parents all my life, carried out my duties without protest, and I'm so sick and tired of people telling me what to do," he said as his tone hardened slightly, emotion clogging up the back of his throat, "this is my life, I want to be happy with someone I love, someone I care about."

He had always been so open with Y/N, vulnerable enough to let her into his deepest fears and allowed her to treat his wounds like an injured animal. But this, this felt different. A good kind of different. The chemistry buzzing between their bodies was something he couldn't deny, and when he searched her face for any indication, he found the answer he was looking for. 

"What about your parents?" She asked softly, "what about everything that you'd been working so hard for?" 

He hesitated slightly before responding, "I...I don't know." 

They had parted ways without a full conclusion to their discussion, but not without the prince tugging her over once more to kiss her goodnight until she had blushed straight to her toes, a spluttering mess against him as he watched her stumble her way back to her chambers.

Kevin lets out a dreamy sigh at the thought. He knows what he has to do. He also knows that the end result isn't going to be pretty. His parents have so much faith in his leadership, have trained him and built him to be the next king ruling over the land of Meridia. But what good does leadership bring, if he can’t lead with the one he wants at his side? 

“Kevin?” The queen gives him a quizzical look as she peers out of the royal chambers, having heard his knock, “what are you doing up so bright and early?” 

“I need to talk to you,” he says, and there must be something in his tone that makes her features grow concerned, before she pulls the door open a little wider for him to step through.

Inside, the King is busy having breakfast in bed, face lighting up instantly at his son’s appearance, “Kevin! What a wonderful surprise! You’re usually up by noon, at the very least.” 

“Father,” the prince bows, a sign of respect and courtesy, with a hand crossed over his heart. He straightens up and continues, “there’s something I’d like to talk to you about.” 

“Good timing, because there’s something I’d like to give you.” 

Now is really not the time to be bearing gifts, is what Kevin’s mind is urging him to say. But he finds that the words die halfway up his throat when his father pulls out a black box tied with a royal blue bow, the color of Meridia’s flag itself, from his cupboard. 

“That’s all yours,” the King extends it out to him, and he has no choice but to take it despite the multitudes of protests screaming through his subconscious. 

“What--” Kevin swallows thickly, “what is it?” 

The box feels heavy and warm in his arms, a little too warm. Or maybe it’s just him, the uncomfortable prickle at the back of his neck urging him to tell the truth. 

“It’s a wedding gift,” the King motions towards the said box, “open it. Go on.” 

Wordlessly, the prince slides the bow off before gently peeling back the top cover. A gasp slips out of his mouth when he comes face to face with the crown-- or more precisely, the King’s crown. 

His head shoots back up, eyes wide with alarm, “you--I can’t--I can’t take that.” “Sure you can,” the King says jovially, “you’re going to be King of Meridia soon. People will look up to you, respect you for that.” 

“But--Father--” Kevin takes a deep breath, “there’s something I want to tell you--” 

“And everyone has been waiting for this moment. Just wait till they see you! They’re going to be so amazed--” “But father I--” 

“I can already imagine your crowning. It’s going to be a beautiful spectacle. People from all over the country are coming to see you--” 

“Darling, dear,” the Queen’s voice suddenly cut halfway through her husband’s speech to halt his ramblings. She gazed at Kevin, prompting him to speak up with a soft open smile on her face. 

And that smile breaks Kevin’s heart, for he knows that once the words were said, it would change their world -- their relationship -- forever. Would rock that safe harbour and turn it into a storm. 

So Kevin only dips his head down and bit his lip. His eyes flickered up to his parents, saw them waiting with mirroring grins, and only let out a shaky exhale. 

“It’s nothing,” he mumbles out and averts his gaze instead, “nothing at all.” 

---------------

The moment Kevin opens the door to let her in, Y/N knows that something is off.

“What?” she asks the moment she steps foot into his bedroom. If he thinks that she doesn’t notice the way his shoulders bunch up or the fact that he’s wound so tight she can practically see all the tension holding his body together, then he’s a bigger idiot that she thinks him to be. 

Her fingers are still thrumming with the aftermath of yesterday’s events. But she shakes her head, attempting to dissuade her thoughts from straying in places where they are not meant to go. 

“Kevin,” she says after a long bout of silence, not really enjoying the fact that 1) he hasn’t looked at her once since she got here and 2) he hasn’t said anything when usually, Kevin can’t shut himself up. When she speaks up next, there is a tinge of concern breaking through her soprano, “what is it? What’s wrong?” 

A pause. Then, he turns around like a culprit, eyes cast onto the ground as though he’s done something shameful, something worth being punished for. 

Air catches in the back of her throat, “tell me.” 

“I--” biting down onto his lower lip and shaking his head, he bristles, “I--I’m sorry.” 

Y/N frowns. Sorry? For what? For kissing her yesterday? For declaring the fact that maybe there’s something more than friendship between them? For having made a mistake he now regrets? 

“Look, I tried talking to my father about--” he gestures between himself and her, “about us, about what happened. And how I feel.” 

Y/N stays quiet. Her stomach clenches. 

“I can’t--” Kevin’s alto his shaky, practically trembling with emotion while he shakes his head, “I can’t tell them, Y/N. It--It would break their heart.” 

She’s expecting it. So she doesn’t know why it feels like someone has just gutted her, grabbed her by the insides and pulled out the entire contents of her stomach to leave her hanging and filled with a hole. 

Swallowing thickly and allowing the words to digest, Y/N just nods.

“Please,” Kevin murmurs roughly, “please say something.” 

What does he want her to say exactly? It’s not like she has any choice in the matter. She opens her mouth, closes it when there’s nothing she finds worth saying. Taking a deep, shaky breath and forcing her expression to be wiped blank, she finally murmurs out: 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, your highness.” 

“Y/N, please don’t do this--” 

But she’s already swivelling around and walking out of his room before her legs give out and before her heart cracks in two, feeling like a dead weight she’s carrying lodged inside her chest. She can still hear Kevin’s protests behind her, shouting at her to come back, but it’s not until she hears his running footsteps on the marble floor that she takes off into a sprint, running blindly and as far away as possible as he can possibly be, until she stumbles out through the stables and keels over to catch her breath. 

Tears brim through her eyes like a film blurring the ground before her, and as a soft sob falls from her lips, her head bows in a desperate attempt to regain some of her sanity. She hadn’t known this would be so hard, hadn’t known that there is such pain gripping her heart with icy fingertips before practically wrenching it out of her chest. It leaves her bare, it leaves her vulnerable, and she can’t help but curl her arms over her middle, a pathetic move of self-defense as her knees fall to the ground. 

It hurts. The tears fall silently, a steady trail cascading down her cheeks. It hurts like she’s never ever been hurt before. She loves him, always did. And yesterday night had proved that he’d returned her feelings.

And now? Now it’s even worse, because she knows there’s something great that she’s lost. 

But she should’ve seen this coming. It’s her fault, after all, for believing that maybe her ending would’ve been bathed in happiness. She guesses that it is the price to pay for having fallen in love with a prince, of all people. 

She doesn’t know how much time passes until she can finally lift herself to her feet. Taking another shaky breath and allowing her chest to rattle with the aftermath of the pain, she swivels around and strides back into the castle.

--------------

“Has anyone seen Y/N?” 

The King looks up from his daily scroll of news transcribed by his attendants, a list of duties to be completed folded in his lap, and catches sight of Kevin striding into the hallway reeking with agitation. 

“Don’t think I saw her around,” the King glances up at his attendant, who only shrugs in response, “maybe she’s training. She usually is whenever she’s off duty.” 

“She wasn’t present at all yesterday, she should’ve been around,” Kevin all but stomps his foot. He feels like a child who hasn’t gotten what he’s wanted, but he doesn’t care. Not right now. The only thing he wants to do is try to talk it out with Y/N. His heart is messy enough as it is, torn between his parents’ expectations and the girl whom he cares for deeply. It doesn’t help matters that he hasn’t been able to see nor hide or hair of Y/N from her escapade yesterday morning. 

“Your highness!” 

Kevin’s head quickly whips back to see one of the soldiers running in with a paper in hand. He hands it over, breathless, as the prince’s eyes scan over its contents. 

“What?” his jaw falls slack in surprise. He turns to the soldier, who automatically bows, “where did you get this?” 

This isn’t happening, his mind chants, no no no, she promised, she promised--

“She gave it to me herself, your highness,” the soldier stuttered with averted eyes, “said that she didn’t want to work for the Kingdom of Meridia anymore, then handed me her resignation--” 

“You’re lying!” Kevin blurts out in a yell, heart skipping in panic. 

“I--I swear I’m not. She--She even signed it.” 

Indeed, as the prince scans to the bottom, he notices her initials. Anger blossoms through his stomach and without hesitation, he crumples the paper into a ball and throws it to the ground, “where is she?!” he hollered, “I want her brought here, this instant! Now!” 

“B--But your majesty, she’s gone back. It’s too late now, she’s already heading to--” 

But Kevin isn’t listening, already walking away with rapid footsteps and all too wrapped up in his own world of desperate pain that he almost misses his father’s words booming from behind him, “Kevin! Where are you going?!” 

That causes him to halt by the doorway, one hand on the smooth Victorian column. He glances back through his curly bangs, sets his gaze upon his father’s for a full minute. 

And proceeds to dash out before anyone can stop him. 

-----------

“It’s so nice to have you back Y/N,” Jacob bustles around her like a mother hen as he sets the hearty potato and beef stew freshly made from this morning. Y/N forces her lips into a smile but only manages to pull up a grimace, which her brother doesn’t fail to notice as he sits down opposite her. 

Jacob’s place had been the only solution to her after she’d calmed down enough to stop beating herself up about how she isn’t a royal and will never be. Of course, he’d welcomed her with open arms and a bright smile, so bright that it had almost wiped out any negative feelings rolling through her. Almost.

However, as much as he loves seeing his sister present and in the flesh -- they always joked that one day she’ll come back to him with one less leg since she’s always been too brave for her own good -- it is clear from her countenance that there’s something more bothering her, other than her pathetic excuse that she apparently ‘missed’ him. 

Y/N’s life had always revolved around castle walls. She’s never really been homesick. 

“Tell me,” Jacob gazes at her now, eyes filled with understanding when hers decide to concentrate on the rice bowl before her. There are blue shadows imprinted underneath her eyes and though she has spent the entire day acting cheerful and somewhat carefree as she usually is, he hasn’t failed to notice the puffiness of her eyelids or how her face gets shadowed in sadness whenever she thinks he’s not paying attention. 

“Y/N,” Jacob prompts, chopsticks tapping his bowl to get her attention, “tell me. You don’t drop by for anything. So there must be something.”

Her lips pressed together. For a moment, only silence reigns. 

A soft exhale escapes her mouth, before she says in a shaky soprano, “I kissed the Prince.” 

“You what?!” Jacob’s eyes go as wide as saucers. He can’t stop himself from gawking at her. 

“I--” she blinks at the tears now threatening to consume her once more, “I kissed the Prince. I kissed Kevin. And I--I--” 

Her eyes fly up to lock on her brother’s own maroon orbs through her film of tears, “I love him,” she chokes. 

Silence reigns over the room as she waits, eyes lowered towards her plate, for her brother to berate her with facts and his judgment about how she could even do such a thing or even get involved in a situation that she knew would end up with complications. 

But Jacob doesn't say anything. She peeks up at him through her curtain of parted hair, surprised when all she finds is a kind of delicate sympathy glimmering across his face. 

"So did you just leave? Without telling him?" Jacob asks softly.

She nods, slightly guilty. It sounds bad when he puts it that way, so she says, "I resigned yesterday--"

Knock knock knock.

The two freeze up in their seats, ears perking up in alert at the intrusion. 

Then, a muffled voice echoes through the door, a voice that causes Y/N's eyes to snap up towards the nature of the sound.

"Excuse me? This is Prince Kevin, from Meridia. Sorry to disturb you. Uhm  I've heard that you are Y/N's brother. Is Y/N here?" 

She blinks, meets Jacob's eyes who are just as wide as hers. 

She wastes no time in diving under the table, much to her brother's surprised yelp. 

"What are you doing?!" He hisses, head swivelling from her crouched figure to Kevin's figure behind the door.

"What does it look like I'm doing?!" Y/N scowls, "I'm hiding!"

"Well, he's obviously asking for you--"

"If he asks, I'm not here. I never visited you."

"But--"

"Just go!"

Jacob lets out a heavy sigh, before he reluctantly slides off his stool and heads to open the door. 

"Hi," there is sweat glistening off the Prince's face when their eyes meet, his eyes already flying over Jacob's shoulder in search of his second in command, "have you seen--"

"She's not here," Jacob hurriedly interrupts.

"Please," Kevin's alto cracks slightly, "I just want to talk to her. Please."

“I told you she’s not here.” 

“I saw her horse. I know it’s hers, please. I know she’s here.” 

It’s useless, Y/N thinks to herself while squeezing her eyes shut, trying to stop her heart from running a thousand miles an hour at the tone of desperation clinging to Kevin’s alto and making her heart tug in all sorts of wrong directions. 

“Please,” Kevin murmurs. 

That does it, causing her to wrench her body out of the cramped table space before she storms over to him, anger slowly simmering in the pits of her stomach. 

How dare he show up here after telling her that he wasn’t going to sacrifice his reputation because of what he wanted in life? How dare does he show up here, unannounced, and expect that she’ll be okay with the whole ordeal. As if watching him dance around with someone else in his arms isn’t bad enough! 

“What?” She almost barks out from behind Jacob. The latter jumps back to let her march through, obviously not new to her temper tantrums, and Kevin stumbles back impulsively, flinching when he catches sight of her scowl. 

“Hey,” the prince of Meridia’s voice is soft. 

“What do you want Kevin?” Y/N doesn’t even try hiding her exasperation, knuckles clamped down so hard onto the doorway that she feels the wood chips biting into her fingers. 

He takes a moment too long to answer. 

“Why did you leave?” 

Y/N is too focused on trying to find a coherent answer to notice that Jacob has gently let himself out of the back door. 

“Why did you leave, Y/N?” Kevin repeats. 

“Did you expect me to stay?”

Guilt swims through his eyes, "you could’ve told me--”

“Told you what exactly? That I didn’t want to see you live your life with another woman after what happened between us? Told you that my heart hurts every time I hear the word ‘wedding’ and ‘princess Delia’?” 

She knows that each word sprouting from her mouth is a dagger aimed straight for his heart. But at that particular moment, she really doesn’t care whether he’s hurt or not. She wants to hurt him, wants him to feel the pain she feels.

For once, she wants him to know how it feels to be in her shoes.

Silence drags out between the two individuals, each staring at each other and Y/N practically rendered breathless from her small outburst. There’s so much going on in his face, so many emotions flittig through his eyes but she’d rather not see them. Instead, she clamps her gaze down onto his soaked-through white silk shirt and absentmindedly wonders why in the world would he wear one of his best attires to head to the village. 

Not that she cares. She doesn’t care. At all. She doesn’t care what happens to him, doesn’t care whether he gets married off or not. But she’s not going to stick around to tolerate it. She can’t. It’ll break her heart. 

A hand comes up to grasp her chin softly, “look at me, Y/N.”

Despite her mind sending out alarms of protest, her body reacts on its own and her eyes slowly drag upwards. What she sees in Kevin’s mahogany pools almost makes her gasp, for they are filled with such tenderness, a fragility mixed with pained guilt, that her chest tightens uncomfortably. 

“The wedding is called off.” 

She blinks. Frowns. Silence. 

Then: “what?” 

Kevin’s lips curl slightly upwards, “I told them to call off the wedding.” 

She can feel something lodged in the back of her throat, “What do--What do you mean?” she pauses, “I don’t...understand.”

"I don't want to marry Delia, I don't want to be King of Meridia if that means losing you Y/N," he tugs her close with his other hand wrapping around her waist then, so that she stumbles into his chest, "all these things, they're not worth it. Not if--" he takes a shaky breath, "not if you're not mine."

Her heart practically soars through her chest, his words totally throwing her off track and causing her jaw to fall open and gape at him as though he just grew a second pair of eyes. 

Kevin only chuckles and brushes his knuckles over her cheekbone, "please say something."

"I--What do you want me to say? What did your parents say? What--No, you can't resign Kevin. You can't do that--"

"My parents have nothing to do with whom I chose to spend the rest of my life with," he cuts her off with a determined glint in his eyes, "I told them that if I'm to rule over Meridia, then I get to choose who the hell I want to marry. And that's not Delia," their eyes lock onto each other, "it never was Delia."

It is relief that Y/N feels first, blossoming through her chest as hope lights up a fire within her. Blood rushes to her face, not knowing how to reply to his sudden confession when she hasn't even been expecting him in the first place. 

"So," Kevin exhales a breath, closes his eyes for a brief moment, before opening them again with newfound determination, "will you? Be mine?" 

"I--" her brain feels like scrambled eggs. The agreement is at the tip of her tongue, it's just right there. And yet she can't find the strength, nor the courage, to utter them out loud. 

Because she's scared. She's scared that this might change everything, because it will.

‘Are you sure about this?’ She murmurs.

He nods firmly, determination glinting in his eyes. 

Taking a deep breath and letting it seep through her teeth with her next exhale, Y/N finally dips her head down into a single nod. 

‘okay,’ her voice shakes with emotion, ‘okay.’ 

A sigh so loud and filled with relief shudders throughout Kevin’s entire body and he all but collapses against her. 

‘I won’t let anyone hurt you,’ his breath washes against her ear at his murmur, ‘I promise.’ 

And before she opens her mouth to say anything else, the prince of Meridia has already swooped in to catch her lips in a firm, passionate kiss. A kiss filled with all the promises he agreed to kiss, a kiss that rendered her weak at the knees and made her a gasping mess, hands slipping up his neck as the man tilted his head to kiss her a little deeper, a little longer. 

When they both part for air, Kevin lets out the softest of sighs while pressing his forehead against hers. 

“I’m no princess,” Y/N says through a choked up murmur, her eyes finding the warmth emanating from his own in shades of golden warm hues making it impossible for her not to melt right into his embrace.

“I know,” Kevin’s nose bumps against hers, “and that’s exactly why I love you.” 

[bluesfortheredj]

Faking It.

You used to have a crush on the man you were going to get in bed with for a while, for about five years to be precise, but you never expected to have do what you were about to do in front of a closed set crew with cameras pointing at you from all different angles with him. It was almost a dream come true for you even though you’d never say it out loud for Ben to hear, and you were excited that your first sex scene would be with someone like this who was just as shy as you were about it.

“I know you used to fancy him,” Ben comments as you try and force your breakfast down.

“Huh?”

“Evan… I know you used to fancy him. I remember on your dating profile under the ‘ideal man’ section was his name.”

“That was until I met you though obviously!”

“Goes without saying,” he winks, “is it weird having to pretend to have sex with someone you used to fancy?”

“Well I’m not entirely sure yet.”

“Will you think of me when you’re trying to get in the right frame of mind?”

You push your plate of toast away and stand up before making your way over to where Ben is by the kettle then drape your arms over his shoulders and kiss him deeply, your hips grinding into his as his hands attach themselves to your waist and pull you against him. He quickly spins you both around so you’re now backed into the corner of the kitchen work surfaces and as he trails wet, open mouthed kisses down your neck you close your eyes to savour the feel of it all.

“Yeah,” you finally answer, “I’ll think of you.”

“Good,” he smirks, nibbling your skin softly, “just try not to say my name.”

“No promises on that,” you exhale as your fingers weave their way through his thick hair, “oh god Ben you’re going to have to stop before I need a cold shower. I’ve got to get to set!”

“Fine,” he huffs, leaving one last long kiss on your neck, “try not to think about that too much though… wouldn’t want you getting all hot and bothered with him.”

Ben had certainly left you with a lasting memory as you sit in the back of the cab with your finger tips running along the side of your neck as you remember the feel of Ben’s lips against it. It’s not good to be thinking such things really as you feel a slight tingle between your legs and know you need to save any of this to make sure your scene looks real enough without going the whole way.

Evan’s first to greet you with a warm hug and a smile when you get to set then you take the first hour to go through everything with the director, boom operator and the two camera operators who would be the only ones on the closed set that day. There are nervous looks exchanged between the two of you but you end up laughing through the tension as you position yourselves fully clothed on the bed with Evan crawling his way up your body so they could check the lighting.

“Hey, come here often?” he grins as he mimics a thrusting action while lights are angled towards you both then dimmed.

“Not as often as I should,” you laugh.

Had his eyes always been this bright?

No, think of Ben, think of Ben, think of… maybe not, that’s making it worse.

“How’s Ben doing? It’s been far too long since I saw him,” he asks as if he can read your mind.

“He’s, uh, yeah he’s good. You two will have to catch up while you’re over here filming, he’d like that.”

“As soon as this scene is over and I can look him in the eye again,” he winks.

The wink was much more powerful in real life than it was through a screen, and you’re thankful that you’re already vertical else you were sure your knees would have given way at the action if you were standing.

“Ready to shoot?” the director asks.

“Ready as we’ll ever be,” Evan nods.

You both head off to the dressing rooms to undress and change into the modesty garments which for you included skin coloured knickers and nothing else but a robe to arrive at set with. It had already been agreed that you were comfortable with some breast on show, although it did take some convincing from Ben, and having had consulted with the intimacy co-ordinator throughout the creation of the scene both you and Evan were comfortable with the idea of what was to happen. Every move had been carefully choreographed to make sure you were both okay with everything that was going on which had also put Ben’s mind at rest as well, knowing there’d only be one brief touch of your breast.

Your fingers fiddle with the loop of your robe belt as you walk to set, your heart rate speeding up a little from initial nerves, but as soon as you see Evan and his understanding smile you relax a little and take everything in your stride as you slip under the covers of the bed and wriggle free of your dressing gown for someone to take.

“Ready for me?” he asks, and damn the younger version of you is screaming at this moment.

“Absolutely,” you nod, shuffling onto your side in preparation for the start of the scene.

The filming itself goes by in a blur of bumped noses and misbehaving sheets as they slip too far down Evan’s body to reveal his modesty protecting underwear, but the other takes run much more smoothly and you end on a high note with the loud moan of his character’s name; Ben’s luckily not slipping off your tongue instead. You’re both quickly covered up and go your separate ways to dress and before you head back to set for the last piece of filming for the day you quickly check your phone to see a couple of messages from Ben.

- Let me know how it all goes x

- Or maybe not… do I even want to know? This is so weird. I love you xx

You shoot a quick ‘I love you too’ back to him then carry on with the day completely unaware of the slight jealousy that was rising in Ben as images of you and Evan whirred around his mind, blowing everything out of proportion. There hadn’t been much talk of the relationship you were meant to portray with him on screen, only the overview of the intimate scene that you wanted to go through with Ben, and knowing that you’d definitely fancied Evan at some point in your life was making him feel a little insecure in case these feelings came flooding back through the chemistry you were creating with one another.

“Sorry!” you call out when you finally come through the front door after the filming overran by a couple of hours, “I got us take away on the way home though!”

Ben sits on the sofa in silence after having the afternoon to mull things over, and he’s practically convinced himself that you’re in love with the guy again.

“Ben? Earth to Ben?!” you laugh as he stays looking at the blank television screen, “I have pizza… come and get it before it goes cold. It’s your favourite!”

“Thanks,” he mumbles as he gets up but avoids eye contact with you.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Have fun today?” he asks as he tears some slices of pizza and slides them onto a plate.

“Uh, yeah, it was good. Everything went well with the… y’know… it was the bit afterwards that was a disaster!” you chuckle.

“And how was the sex scene?” his gaze is fixed on the plate as he grips it with both hands.

“As good as it could have been. Was over pretty quick thankfully, it was mostly a blur of hands and lips then it was done.”

“How did Evan find it?”

“You’d probably have to ask him that one… we didn’t exactly talk about it afterwards. Ben, tell me what you’re thinking because I can almost see the cogs moving in your head.”

Ben sighs as his grip loosens on the china then he reluctantly peeks up at you through his eyelashes.

“You and him getting so close on set… what’s to stop your old feelings coming back?” he mutters quietly, sounding embarrassed at his own thoughts.

“Ben!” you laugh, “that was a stupid crush! I won’t deny that younger me would have gone absolutely mental at the thought of having a scene like that with him, but current me didn’t! I’d rather be at home with you under a blanket watching shitty telly than pretending to have sex with Evan bloody Peters. Even if you are in a huffy mood...”

His mouth slowly turns up into a smile as he finally looks at you properly for the first time since you walked through the door, and you move around the kitchen island to stand in front of him as he turns towards you so you can place your loving touch upon his cheek and reassure him with a kiss.

“You’re my ideal man Ben. You always will be,” you whisper.

“Damn right,” he winks.

Would you do an evan one? Reader working with evan, they have an intimate scene and reader is with ben who gets a lil jelly over it!!

@peachllobotomy @lv7867 @aynsleywalker @pink-lemo @painthatiusedto @itisjustmethistime @mamaskillerqueen @queenslandlover-93

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 8: Sweet 25

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Be My Only)

…in which Y/N feels alone at Harry’s birthday party.

Warning: angst that took a slightly unexpected turn, jealous passive-aggressive Harry.

Word count: 8k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Chapter 7: Behind The Scenes - Movies and actors aren’t what they appear to be.

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"Look what I've got!"

Harry flopped down on the treehouse floor and proudly showed his little neighbor the silver signet ring on his left hand. Though it just remotely fit his thumb, Y/N thought it made him look so cool, like an adult. Besides, it was the most beautiful ring she'd ever seen, much more beautiful than her parents' wedding bands.

"My dad gave it to me for my birthday," he said smugly, pulled it off his finger and showed her the word STYLES engraved on the inside.

"It's so shiny!"

"Of course it is! It's silver!" The thirteen-year-old chuckled as he put the ring back on.

Y/N paused for a second. "Wait, your dad came back?"

"No." Harry shook his head. "He mailed the ring to my house."

Though he acted like it was no big deal, Y/N knew he was disappointed. She personally wouldn't want the mailman to deliver her birthday present from someone she loved. But of course, she wasn't going to make that comment.

"That's great!" the girl exclaimed to lighten the mood. "It means you have your dad's address now, you can exchange letters with him!"

"Nah, mum won't give me his address. I'm surprised she let me keep the ring." He gave her a shrug, frowning a little.

"Don't be sad," she told him. "At least he loves you and still thinks of you."

"Yeah, I guess," he said, this time the corners of his mouth turned up.

"And tomorrow is your birthday! Let's throw a party here! I'll decorate this treehouse and ask my mum to bake you some cookies—"

Harry cut her off, "actually, my mum's gonna throw me a party."

"Oh..." With that, her face fell. She fidgeted with her pigtails and thought for a second before glancing back up to meet his eyes. "I suppose you've already invited lots of people?"

"Yeah."

That answer made the little girl sad. She'd almost forgotten that Harry was a popular kid who had plenty of friends. Meanwhile, she only had two, him and Celine. That explained why she'd spent her tenth birthday with just the two of them. Harry's birthday, however, would probably be massive and exciting. Too bad she would not be a part of it.

"What's wrong, Bambi?" He gave her a grin and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's all right, you're also invited. In fact, your name is first on the list."

"But your friends are all older than me." She pouted. "I won't be able to talk to anyone at your party."

"Well, it's my party. You can talk to me."

Y/N crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at the boy. "You sure you're gonna talk to me the entire time and ignore the other guests?"

As much as he wanted to, he couldn't promise her that. So he exhaled and plastered a beam on his face. "Okay, how's this? Let's celebrate my birthday today with just you and me. The party tomorrow is for everyone, you can also come if you change your mind. But today, you're my one and only guest."

"Really?" The way Y/N's face lit up made Harry's grin grow twice bigger.

He nodded quickly. "You take care of the food and I'll go buy some decorations. We'll meet back here at three?"

"Deal!" she said happily, gave him a fist bump and ran back to the rope ladder.

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Ever since they got together, Harry had spent more time at Y/N's place than his London house. Though she refused to let him help pay the rent (by help, he probably meant him paying it all for her), she loved to think that they were sharing a flat. What could be more special than going home after a long day at the bookstore just to cuddle him, and rant about her day so he could rant about his? They would do boring couple things like cook together, order in, watch lame movies, sometimes his (lame) movies, and have a lot of sex. Life was great.

Tonight, she was reading when he emerged at her bedroom door after finishing washing the dishes. She didn't look at first, but he was just idling there instead of coming bed, leaving her no choice but to give him some attention.

"I'm in the middle of an important scene now, so if you're gonna do a striptease, please do it fast."

"What's the point of doing a striptease if you do it fast?" He chuckled and leaned a shoulder against the doorframe. "Don't mind me, I'm just admiring your beauty from afar."

"Great, keep doing that, my narcissistic ass loves it." She grinned and turned her eyes back on the page.

"They got together yet?" He asked.

"No." She shrugged. "They've only kissed. But I've read too many books like this so I can totally guess what happens next."

"Yeah? Tell me," he said with a lopsided grin. "I'm intrigued."

His weird emphasis on the word cracked her up. Harry successfully caught the pillow she threw at him and then jumped right on top of her, squeezing her with the tightest hug. She let him nuzzle her neck like a kitten and went on, "so...my guess is that he'll do something stupid in the next chapter, she'll get hurt, and he'll realize what an idiot he is, so he'll do something romantic to win her back. But a good story doesn't just stop there."

"Wow, tell me more." He lied on his stomach and rested his chin on his knuckles, like a child listening to bedtime stories.

Y/N cleared her throat, trying to be serious. "Okay so, the antagonist will try to sabotage their relationship. It could be a bitter ex or strict parents that don't support them. But of course, those people all fail, and the couple will soon realize how much they love each other, then and only then will they have their happy ending."

Harry cackled as he sat up and kissed her lips. "What's the point of reading if you can already guess what's gonna happen?"

"What matters is how it happens, silly." She snorted and closed her book. "Now, where's my striptease?"

"Why should I give you a striptease when tomorrow's my birthday?"

"Tomorrow's your birthday?!" She faked a dramatic gasp but did not get the reaction she wanted from him.

"Nice try." He chuckled. "There's no way you forgot my birthday."

"I did though."

"Oh yeah?" Holding her by the hips, he guided her to straddle his lap and pulled down the spaghetti straps of her top, so he could spread his kisses across her chest. She tossed her head back, her lips parted to release the heavenly sensual sound of his name. Just the sight of her going weak for him had got him all riled up. "I was gonna tell you not to get me anything." His voice was dangerously low. "But thank God you don't remember my birthday."

She pulled away, her face contorted. "Wait, why can't I get you a birthday present?"

"Because all I need is right here." He tickled her sides, and she collapsed on his chest, laughing so hard that her eyes watered.

"Stop it, asshole!" she shouted when he stopped the torture. As his hands fell back to her thighs, she held his face between her palms. "But seriously, why? We used to always get each other birthday presents."

"I know you, Bambi. You'd overspend on my birthday because you think you should get me something expensive."

"First of all, I don't think so. Second, I already got you something, and it's not expensive at all."

"Really?" He stroked her hair. "What is it? Show me now?"

"I'll show you tomorrow night."

"Ooooh, did you buy new sexy lingerie for me?" He snuck one hand under her nightgown to squeeze her ass, but she seized his wrist before he made another move.

"Nope, it's better." To his disappointment, she placed his hand on her hip instead. "You'll be so happy you'll burst into tears, baby."

"Aww, I'm already overjoyed," he said, pulling her down, her head was on his chest. He stroked his hand steadily up and down her back, meanwhile rearranging his thoughts and making room for a bit of silence before he spoke again. "You're not throwing me a surprise party, are you?"

Her eyelids shot up when she heard the question. "No," she lied.

"Good." Harry nodded, still staring at the ceiling. "Because I want you to come with me to the party at Jeff's house tomorrow night."

"Your manager's throwing you a birthday party?"

"Kind of."

Shit.

"I told him not to, but he insisted on doing it. He and the cast and crew of the movie I'm working on had been planning it for weeks." He combed his fingers through his hair and blew up his cheeks. "I'm actually nervous. I've been told many important people are on the guest list."

Y/N propped her head up, her nose crinkled. "I bet this is Ruby's idea."

"Why do you hate Ruby so much?" he asked, sounding amused. "I know she wasn't so nice to you when you met her at my place, but that was mainly my fault, love."

His oblivion was really bugging her. She almost blurted out that Ruby had shown up at her place and offered her money to break up with him. But at the same time, she didn't want him to know that. He still had to play Ruby's love interest in this new film. Y/N didn't know much about acting, but she knew actors needed to get along in real life to deliver great chemistry in romantic scenes. The last thing she wanted was to create tension between him and his co-star that would affect his performance.

Immediately, she shrugged off the thought and pursed her lips. "Fine. I'm sorry I'm so bitter that I dislike your ex."

"Hey, I didn't mean that." He held her hips down when she attempted to get off his lap. "I love you, you know I do. I just don't want you to think about my past with her all the time. It means nothing to me now. You, on the other, mean everything. That's why I want you to go to this party with me. I need your support." He could see it in her eyes that she was a bit reluctant, so he continued, "You said you were curious about my life as an actor, right? This could be a fun experience for you. And you might meet an actor or actress that you like there."

A part of Y/N was still unsure, but how could she say no when he was giving her those puppy dog eyes?

"Okay, fine." She gave in. "But I'll wear my clothes and drive there on my own. Do not spend your money on me."

"Deal!" he gleefully said and pressed a kiss to her lips.

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Y/N returned to the treehouse at 3 PM, only find her friend sitting in the corner with his head on his arms. Harry heard her footsteps and looked up, his smile was turned upside down. He looked like he was going to cry, and Y/N had never seen Harry cry before, so she didn't know what to do. Swallowing hard, she took quiet steps toward the boy and sat down right by his side. The happy and fun birthday decorations were the opposite of the gloominess cast upon the two kids.

"W-what happened?" she asked.

Harry let out the longest sigh before he spoke, "I lost the ring."

It was only then that she noticed his empty thumb where his father's ring had been. She waited for him to start crying, but he didn't, even though his lips were quivering and his eyes were glossy. Y/N had always thought wanting to cry but not being able to was the worst kind of self-torture. She knew that, because during many fights with her dad, her mother had held back her tears to the point where agony was etched on her face.

"Hey, it's alright." Y/N patted his arm gently. "You might've dropped it somewhere. When was the last time you had it?"

"I don't know." He shrugged, holding his head and thinking for a long moment until he was calm enough to remember. "I guess...it was an hour ago, maybe? I ran to the store to buy some candles."

The girl stood up right away and offered him her tiny hand. "Come on," she said. "Let's go search for your ring!"

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Though Y/N hated inconsequent polite conversations and the awful mixture of expensive perfume that gave her a headache, she had to say that this party had exceeded her expectations. Everything here screamed rich. Most of the guests were A-list celebrities. There were people serving canapes, wine, and expensive cocktails. And they were playing her favorite songs (she assumed her boyfriend might have had something to do with this). Harry's manager Jeff had really outdone himself this time.

Before arriving, Y/N had thought only Harry's friends had been invited. But it seemed like Jeff had made sure all the big names in the film industry in London were there tonight. She recognized most of these people and she didn't watch that many movies. Maybe she should have gone out to buy the most expensive dress she could afford, and not shown up in this lame long sleeve bodycon dress that made her look like the cheapest walking being in the room. If Celine had been there, she would've screamed at her to go change. But maybe Celine would've got distracted, freaked out and fainted the second she saw her favorite actor, Cohen Guard drinking champagne with top model Jacelyn Fox. They would've made fun of these rich people together while fangirling about them. It would've been so great.

But Celine wasn't there. And Y/N was all alone.

She knew she shouldn't look down in the dumps at her boyfriend's birthday party, but how she acted and what she thought wouldn't make any difference. Nobody paid attention to her, anyway. She'd come here alone and had only spoken a few words to her boyfriend before Jeff stole him from her. The manager didn't even bother to wonder who she was, or why she'd been invited. She didn't matter to anyone here except for Harry.

So she'd found her place in the corner of the room, watching her boyfriend talking to a director Jeff had introduced him to. He looked nervous and kept glancing back to where she stood, probably to get some emotional support and make sure she was all right. She had to put on a beam whenever he stared, but the second he turned away, she went back to looking miserable. Y/N was completely alienated at this party.

"Y/N!"

Her heart leaped in joy the second she spotted Niall waving at her with a massive grin on his face. My savior, she thought to herself and immediately went in for a hug.

"You came!" Niall said. "Harold was afraid you'd change your mind."

"Nah, I didn't want to let him down," she said and took another sip of champagne.

"Where's Harold?"

"He's over there with Jeff and some directors."

Niall's eyes followed where Y/N's finger was pointing at, and he didn't comment anything else. He probably knew it was a duty for people like Harry to meet new people at parties like these, but at the same time, felt bad because Y/N was abandoned. So he quickly changed the subject by complimenting her dress. She didn't know if that was even half the truth, but it certainly made her feel less self-conscious now.

They spoke for a while until she noticed that Niall had been eye-flirting with a blonde from across the room. It seemed like he wanted to go over there and start a conversation, but didn't want to leave Y/N on her own. As much as she wanted to be selfish and keep him here with her, she ended up telling him to go talk to that girl.

"Are you sure you'll be fine here?" He raised an eyebrow in concern, making her laugh.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Like one hundred percent sure or ninety percent?"

"One hundred." She rolled her eyes and pushed his shoulder. "Go! Before she finds someone else."

"Okay." Niall gulped down his drink and put the empty glass back on the table next to him. "But don't worry," he told her, "Harold's coming."

Y/N looked up as Niall left and saw that her boyfriend was indeed making his way here. Harry stopped in front of her and leaned in, but then remembered just in time to kiss her on the cheek and not her lips like he'd intended to.

"Sorry I took too long." He pulled away, keeping his hands behind his back. "Was Niall bothering you?"

She grinned and shook her head. "No, he was actually keeping me entertained with his jokes."

"Are you bored?"

"Not at all."

He gave her a half-smile. "Okay, now you're just being sarcastic."

"You gotta love me for who I am, mister," said Y/N as she playfully poked his chest.

Harry eyed her from head to toes. She could already guess what he was thinking about when he wetted his lip and took a deep breath. "I really want to ruin your lipstick right now," he said in hushed tones. "That dress looks so fucking good on you."

"How about we sneak out of here and you can ruin more than just my lipstick?" She stepped forward, not breaking their eye contact. The look on his face was priceless. He had his mouth and eyes wide open, trying to appear as composed as he could, but she knew his heart was racing.

"We can't, love," he said at last.

Though dismayed, she couldn't blame him for not wanting to risk it. They shouldn't even be talking to each other right now.

"But...but...I can show you around," he added. "Jeff's got a huge house and—Have you checked out the sushi bar? There's a sushi bar."

"Yeah, I ate so much that so many people were staring and I had to leave," she said, chuckling slightly.

Harry hesitated, and yet he couldn't help but stroke her cheek with his thumb before tucking a black strand behind her ear. "I'll make it up to you after this party, I promise."

"I'm looking forward to it." She pressed her lips into a smirk. "So...why don't you show me around?"

"Okay, come—"

"Harry!" Jeff pushed his way through a group of people and clutched Harry's arm as his whole face lit up "Director Garrett Spielmann is here! I sent the invitation to him for fun and he actually came!"

"Oh God, that's great, uhm...but..." Harry paused to look back at his girlfriend. "Can you keep him busy for a moment?"

"Are you insane?!" Jeff cried out. He was too hyped to notice the girl standing behind his client, so he went on, tugging at Harry's arm. "That man directs only Academy Award-winning films and works with only potential Academy Award-winning actors! Please don't let me down!"

"But—"

"No!"

"Jeffrey!" Harry groaned like a little boy but Jeff refused to listen. He dragged his best client by the arm toward the white-haired man standing in the middle of the room. Y/N gave her boyfriend two thumbs up to let him know she was fine, still, he looked extremely guilty.

"I'm sorry and I love you," he mouthed at her. To be honest, that was all she needed to hear at the moment.

Now alone again, Y/N decided to go explore the house on her own. It was actually great to be a nobody because no one there came up to talk to her; they let her wander freely like a ghost among the living. After walking around until her legs were tired, she had found a bathroom. She didn't really need to go, she simply wanted to get away from the party just for a little while. The bathroom sounded like a great idea for that. In fact, it took her back to her prom night, when she'd spent most of the time making out with her boyfriend in a stall instead of dancing. The bathroom could be a great place if you wanted it to be.

Having been to Harry's and Isaac's house many times before, Y/N already had an idea of what rich people's bathrooms looked like. So she wasn't exactly surprised to see the one at Jeff's. It was similar, scrupulously clean with gleaming granite countertops, walnut framed mirrors, and fragrant fluffy towels carefully folded on a chair. Could she just stay here while waiting for Harry? It would surely be better than going back out there.

However, once she'd finished reapplying her makeup, she heard some voices and footsteps down the hall. They got louder as the people came closer, and then sauntered in two twins who looked and dressed like supermodels. It was Ruby who walked right behind them. Y/N guessed they had just arrived because she hadn't seen them until now.

The twins didn't pay much attention to her, though she'd noticed the way they had sized her up when they entered. Ruby, on the other hand, gave her a long hard glare as she walked past. Y/N didn't want to start an unwanted conversation here, so she had to leave quietly.

As she had just walked out of the door, the girls thought she was gone, so they began talking.

"Hey, Rubes, who's that girl?" one of the twins spoke with the most annoying high-pitched voice Y/N had ever heard. As much as she hated to eavesdrop, the conversation was about her, and she had to know how mean they were going to be. So she stood by the bathroom entrance with her back against the wall, listening to everything they had to say.

"I saw her laughing with Harry earlier," the same twin continued. "Do they know each other or something?"

"Is she his new assistant?" the other one joined in.

"Nope," Ruby said with a calm yet mocking tone. Her laugh echoed in the room. "She's here to serve drinks."

This bitch!

"They seemed like close friends to me," twin number one said.

"Oh, please." Ruby scoffed. "Harry is nice to everyone who works for him."

"But have you seen her dress?" Twin number two scoffed as she commented, "I mean, girl, are you at a birthday party or a funeral? I feel so sorry for her if she thinks she can fit in looking like that."

Y/N clenched her fists and bit so hard on her bottom lip that it turned white. If this was secondary school, she would've confronted those ladies like she'd done to the mean girls back then. But now she was an adult, a guest at an exclusive party, her boyfriend's birthday party. She knew better than to cause a scene and draw any attention to herself.

So she took a deep breath, held onto her rage and got out of there. That was when she bumped into Isaac.

"Hey, lady, watch where you're going!" he said with a beam but she was too upset to return one.

"Thank God you're here," she said. "I was about to lose it and bitch slap Ruby in the bathroom. Fuck, that bitch!"

Isaac blanched as soon as he heard. "Wait, what happened? Where's H?"

"Talking to Garrett Spielmann over there."

Isaac turned his head so fast it could've fallen off and he wouldn't have cared. "The Garrett Spielmann?" His blue eyes brightened. "The director of Vendetta Of Retreat, the best movie of all time?!"

"Jesus, calm down, you movie nerd." She gave his shoulder a nudge. "Well, he's busy speaking to Harry, so maybe wait a bit before you rush in to ask for a photograph."

"If I do fangirl too hard, please stop me," Isaac pulled a silly face that made her shriek with laughter.

Ruby and the twins had finally entered the room. All eyes were on them when they ambled in like models on a runway. They didn't pay attention to anyone, so Y/N assumed they probably didn't see her now that she'd blended right into the background, where she should be. She watched the actress kiss the twins goodbye and make her way to Harry. Everything she did pissed Y/N off, even the way she hugged Harry and held him for much longer than she did the others.

"Bitch," Y/N muttered, thinking Isaac didn't hear it. But he did, and he burst out laughing.

"So you've talked to the Declan twins?" he asked, pointing to those girls.

"No, but they sure had a lot to say about me. All awful things."

"Don't mind them. Their father is a millionaire and they think they're the British Kendall and Kylie Jenner."

His comment made her snort. "They are as bratty as those Kardashian girls, so that's actually correct."

The pair shared a good laugh at her comment and then Isaac added, "love your dress by the way."

"Many of the guests here would disagree, but thank you," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Well, I personally love it. But your outfit's still missing something."

"Of course it—What are you doing?" Y/N widened her eyes when the man took a step closer. Not saying a word, he pressed two fingers to the corners of her mouth and pushed them up.

"There ya go," he said with amusement as she pushed his hands away, smiling this time.

"You're a nerd," she said.

"And you, little lady, is a bully."

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The kids couldn't find the ring.

They had searched everywhere on the road from their houses to the store and they had asked everyone they knew. Nobody had seen the ring. Or maybe someone had, and they'd kept it for themselves. So Y/N and Harry returned home empty-handed and Y/N blamed herself for everything. As soon as they'd entered their treehouse, the little girl burst into tears.

"Hey, kid, what...what's wrong?" Harry gripped her trembling shoulders and crouched down so their faces were at the same level. "Hey, don't cry. It's not your fault."

"If it hadn't been for m-me...and...and this two-person party, maybe...maybe you would still have your r-ring," she said while sobbing into her small palms.

Harry's brain stuttered for a moment, he always panicked when his Bambi cry. Her tears had power over him, and he was still trying to figure out how to deal with them. Carefully, he held her little face and stroked her head, telling her to calm down.

"It's not your fault, Bambi. I was careless, and the ring was too big for me so it fell out. None of this is your fault. You've been nothing but a good girl."

It was funny how he hadn't thought of that when he lost the ring. He had been too upset about losing it that the reason why didn't matter. Only when he saw Y/N's tears did it occur to him that, if not today then sooner or later he would've lost that ring, anyway. You could never keep something that wasn't meant to be yours.

He took the girl's hands and pulled her down on the floor with him. They were sitting face to face, their fingers intertwined on his lap. Quietly, he watched her sniffle for a moment, and then she stopped crying.

"Maybe..." She freed one hand from his to wipe her wet cheeks. "Maybe your dad will understand if you tell him what you just told me."

His face went blank at once. "I-I don't think...uhm..." he stuttered, biting his lip. "I don't think he needs to know."

"Of course he does!" she cried out. "He gave it to you for your birthday."

"He didn't."

"What?"

Y/N gave him this innocent look that made his heart ache, for he knew he was a terrible person for lying to her. With his head hung low to avoid her big questioning eyes, Harry admitted, "he didn't give the ring to me. I-I found it in my mum's closet. She told me it used to be his and let me keep it."

Slowly, he looked up, expecting her to get angry. After all, he'd made her think it'd been her fault that he'd lost his father's gift. But Y/N only asked, "why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

The girl didn't sound querulous but rather perplexed and concerned. She didn't understand why he felt the need to lie, especially to her. Should she always be an exception?

A line appeared between his brows as he began to fidget with the buttons on his shirt. Embarrassed, he said, "because my dad...has never sent me a birthday present before. Maybe he doesn't even remember I exist, let alone my birthday. But I wished that he did, so I lied about him sending me the ring. I thought that...if you believed the story, I would too, and it'd become the truth."

The boy eventually looked up with sad eyes that made him look like a criminal who'd just pleaded guilty. However, the look his sweet little neighbor was giving him didn't make him feel that way. She didn't say a word and got on her knees to wrap her short arms around his torso. He was frozen for a second, but eventually relaxed to accept the hug, thinking it was one of the best gifts he'd ever received on his birthday.

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Harry had been watching his girlfriend and best friend for long enough to feel uncomfortable. He didn't care what Isaac had told him. He knew Isaac's feelings for Y/N couldn't have just vanished overnight. Maybe Isaac still loved her. Maybe he wanted to prove that she was wrong to choose Harry. Maybe he was waiting for an opportunity to win her back. Maybe that opportunity was tonight.

Stop, said the voice inside Harry's head, he was over-analyzing the situation again. Still, it was frustrating to see her so happy with Isaac.

"Harry is made for that role! He's perfect! Aren't you, H?"

"Huh?" The actor blinked rapidly. Only now did he realize everyone was staring, and he felt like a fool for not knowing what it was about.

"Garrett's new movie," Ruby reminded him. "I said you should audition for the role of the space soldier."

"Oh, no, I'm not—"

"He's so humble," she cut him off, giving his shoulder a subtle squeeze to say he should leave this to her. The truth was, he wished he could leave everything to her and go be with his girlfriend right now.

"It's good to be humble sometimes, but don't underestimate yourself," said Garett, who had been greatly entertained by Harry's laid-back attitude and Ruby's energy. He flicked his fingers between the two of them. "You could be perfect for the roles of the lovers."

"Well, I don't know about me, but Harry is the perfect choice." Ruby nudged him, making the few other guests standing there 'aww' at once. But when she was sure nobody paid attention anymore, she leaned in to whisper in his ear, "you're acting like a sheep. Remember what I taught you."

Harry did remember her advice. He knew if he showed these people that he was any less than them, they would start seeing him that way too. However, it'd been hard to put on a great show knowing he'd left Y/N on her own for most of tonight. Now she was alone with Isaac, which didn't really help him feel any better.

When Harry glanced back to where those two had been just a minute ago, they were already gone. His eyes desperately searched for them from left to right, but they were nowhere to be seen in the room. Now he began to feel hot under the collar, almost like he was standing on fire.

"Excuse me."

The word slipped out of his mouth before he could think twice. He ignored Jeff saying his name, shrugged Ruby's hands off him, and muttered a sincere apology to the director he'd probably never get to speak to again. He needed to find his girl.

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"And over here we have...the sushi bar!"

Isaac fell about as Y/N presented it to him like she was the owner of the place. "Are you sure this is the first time you've been here?"

She gave him a shrug. "I had nothing to do for the last two hours, so I walked around. But this could be my house in twenty years. Who knows?"

Smiling, she picked up a clean plate to get some sushi rolls for the two of them. He watched her hum in satisfaction as she ate one, and with a mouth full, asked him if he'd like to try.

"No, I—"

"Come on, open your mouth."

He pretended to look annoyed but still opened his mouth so she could feed him the roll using chopsticks.

"Good?" she asked, and he nodded, making her giggle. "See? I told ya. This is the only good thing about this party, to be honest."

"Our surprise party would've been better." His comment made her beam fade away. As she said nothing else, he went on with a sigh, "I'm sorry you had to cancel it at the last minute. Did Harry know?"

"Nah, if he had, he would've asked Jeff to cancel this party." A corner of her mouth quirked up as she lifted her shoulders. "I didn't want him to put himself second on his birthday because of me."

"You think he would've done that?"

"Yeah. I know him," she asserted. "He's not enjoying this party at all. You can just see it in his eyes."

Isaac obviously couldn't. Nobody here could, except for her. Maybe it was her special talent, one she'd always taken pride of. She knew him better than everyone in this house. But unfortunately, they were the ones receiving his attention tonight.

"Well, hello Isaac."

When Y/N heard that scratchy voice, she didn't have to turn around to know it was one of the twins from earlier. She could never get that obnoxious high-pitched tone out of her head. As she turned around, the girl shoved an empty glass into her hands.

"Get me some more champagne," said twin number one, who had a slightly higher voice than her sister.

Y/N pushed the glass back to the girl. With a hostile glare, she said, "I don't work here. You have arms and legs, do it yourself."

The girl raised an eyebrow and puckered up her lips. "Are you sure you don't work here?"

"Hey, that's enough, Emma."

"Oh, you're hanging with the party staff now, Isaac?" twin number two said as she stepped forward to back up her sister. Y/N almost told him to leave it to her to handle these bitches, but he didn't even give her a chance to try.

"She's my girlfriend. Speak to her like that again and I'll tell your father what you really did in Vegas."

The twins had their mouths hanging open but neither could make a sound, and Isaac didn't want to wait for them to speak. He grabbed a startled Y/N and pulled her with him, away from those girls, to an empty balcony and shut the glass doors to muffle the loud music and noisy conversations.

Just as he was about to say something, she interrupted him. "Why did you tell them I was your girlfriend?"

"I didn't...I didn't know what to say. I was angry that they said that to you." He breathed and shoved his fingers in his golden locks. "They both asked me out two years ago, and I turned them down. They're still bitter about it, apparently."

"They both asked you out?"

"Weird, right?" He snorted at the look on her face. "You okay, Smiley?"

"Yeah." She looked up to meet his eyes. "I would've kicked their asses had you not been there."

"Thank God I was there. You're one violent little girl."

"Who you calling a little girl?" She playfully hit his chest only for him to catch her wrists and hold them down. The two of them were dying of laughter when the door opened and Harry appeared.

"Bambi?" His voice stopped them at once.

Isaac let Y/N go, giving Harry a grin, but he didn't get the same attitude in return. The way Harry's eyebrows snapped together and his lips set in a hard line had said it all.

"I'll leave you two alone," said Isaac as he gave his best friend one last glance before leaving.

Once the door fell shut, Harry turned back to his girlfriend. Y/N didn't hold his gaze for more than a second. She turned her head to stare at the trees and fairy lights in Jeff's garden.

"I was looking everywhere for you," he spoke, his voice was low. "Are you mad at me?"

"No."

As she released a shaky breath, Harry expected her to continue. But what came next was silence. Terrifying, grim silence that made his bones ache and his heart sink. He took a step forward to stand by her side and refrained the need to reach for her hand. He knew any move he made was being watched. He was nothing more than a poor book character waiting for the readers to decide whether he was good or bad.

"What were you and Isaac talking about?" He asked, his eyebrows pulled together as he studied her reaction. He didn't have to say it, she knew what he was thinking.

"He was just keeping me company while you were busy with the other guests," she replied with a straight face.

"You know I can't spend all my time with you, Bambi," he said steadily. "People would get suspicious, that's how rumors start."

"I know. That's why I'm not blaming you."

"You were though."

"I wasn't!" She shot him a glare. "I just felt uncomfortable, so I came out here for some fresh air. Why's it a problem for you?!"

"Because you're clearly upset that I'm not spending enough time with you tonight and you won't admit it."

"No." She laughed wryly, shaking her head. "I'm upset because I don't feel welcome here. These snobby rich people look down on me, H. I know it's not your fault, but why are you trying to pin it on me?"

"Are you seriously doing this right now?" He breathed and quickly glanced at the door to make sure no one was looking at them. "You want to get to know me. Well, this is me, Bambi. I'm not just the boy you grew up with, I'm also an actor. And sadly, what those snobby rich people think of me matters. I don't like that, in fact, I hate that. But I still have to go through with it every day. So why can't you just be supportive?"

"If I weren't supportive, I wouldn't have come here, H." She stared at him in disappointment. "It's sad that you think I still need to get to know you. I've known you my whole life, and this isn't you. All you've been doing tonight is trying to please other people. You're not having fun on your birthday and these people are not your friends. They don't even care about you."

"I don't need them to care about me, I need them to accept me. That's the only way for me to mean something here."

"You are something to me," she softened her voice, but he let those words go over his head.

"It's easy for you to say because you're not one of us. Maybe you should've stayed home."

Fear crossed his face as he realized what he'd said. Abruptly, he reached for her hand, muttering a late apology only for her to push him away.

"I didn't mean it like that—"

"No, you were right," she cut him off. "I should've stayed home."

When she stormed off, Harry was paralyzed for a whole second. His mind was blurry until it suddenly hit him what this could mean for them. The last time she'd walked out on him, he'd lost her for a year, and could've lost her forever had it not been for that bloody storm. He couldn't lose her again, especially not on his birthday.

Terrified, he chased after Y/N, but she had blended right into the crowded room and disappeared like a ghost. Before he could make it to the exit, a hand pulled him back by his shoulder.

"Hey, there you are!" Ruby said, her eyebrows rose. "Come on, I—"

"Not now Rubes." He shrugged her off, only to bump into the Declan twins as he attempted to run.

"Hey, Rubes, that girl turns out to be Isaac's girlfriend. Why did you say she was here to serve drinks?! "

Ruby's eyes bulged out when Harry looked back at her, and now he finally realized what had happened when he wasn't there. Y/N had been upset for a reason which he'd been too oblivion and selfish to figure out.

"I can explain," Ruby blurted, but he stopped her before she could start.

"Please don't." He pulled away and then dashed toward the door.

.

.

.

"Wait!" Y/N shouted before Harry blew out the candle on his cupcake. She looked so serious with her eyebrows knitted together and her arms crossed. "Before you make your wish, I have to give you my present first."

"It's not how it works though." He scoffed. "It's always: blow the candle, make a wish, and then open presents."

"This is a special birthday so we don't play by the rules," said the little girl as she reached inside the back pocket of her jeans. "Close your eyes."

Smiling, Harry shut his eyes. He told her she shouldn't have bought him anything, and she replied by saying he talked too much. On the count to three, the girl told him to open his eyes.

"Ta-da!"

"A...ribbon?" The boy looked confused, but at the same time, amused by the birthday surprise she was holding in front of his face.

"Give me your hand." Y/N giggled. She didn't have to explain herself, because when she wrapped the pink ribbon around his thumb and tied both ends together into a nice little bow, he finally got the idea.

"Now you can tell everyone you got a ring on your birthday!" She blushed, chewing on her lip. "This was kind of a...last-minute idea. And you know, I don't have money to buy you a real one—"

"I love it!" He cut her off while admiring the 'ring' on his thumb. "It's beautiful."

Her eyes sparkled with joy as she clapped her hands and promised him, one day she would get him a real silver ring. He told her he couldn't wait until that day and finally blew out the candle.

"Do early birthday wishes come true?" He asked after having made his wish.

With her hands on her knees, she gave him a shrug. "We'll find out. But did you wish for your dad to come back or for you to find the ring?"

"I wish for us to always stay together."

Her reaction to his answer wasn't what he'd expected.

"Harry! Why would you say your wish out loud?!"

"Well, you asked me what it was." The boy chuckled at the horrified look on his little friend's face. "This is a special birthday, remember? It doesn't follow the rules of ordinary birthdays."

Harry's reassurance made Y/N sigh in relief. She pursed her lips, batting her eyelashes at him. "I hope you're right."

He knew he was right. They would always stay together. Because what would he do without his girl?

.

.

.

"Bambi, wait!" Harry burst right through the door and leaped down the steps with two strides to catch up with Y/N. She heard his voice and only walked faster toward her car, clutching the strap of her crossbody bag so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

"Go back inside, you're making a scene!" she shouted at him without slowing down, but Harry didn't give up. He pushed past the people who were trickling out of the house. Their indistinct voices were sizzling in his ears, but he brushed them off and tried to keep up with her pace.

"Baby, I'm sorry!"

"I don't wanna hear it!" She covered her ears like a child, striding ahead. Just as she was about to reach her car, however, he jumped right between her and the door, holding her arms so she wouldn't push him out of the way.

"I didn't mean what I said!"

"And I don't care," she grumbled, turning her head from left to right. Her face reddened as she realized there were people watching them fight in the driveway. Harry, on the other hand, was too delirious to care.

"Please, I'm sorry I said that to you." He held her face dearly so she would look at him instead of those strangers. "That was stupid, really stupid. I should've been there for you instead of him. It won't happen again."

"What are you doing? People are staring at us," she said between gritted teeth, but he wasn't listening.

"I love you, Bambi. I love you so much—"

Y/N covered his mouth with both hands, the color drained out of her face. While she was in shock that he'd screamed out those words, he was snickering into her palm.

"Are you fucking insane?!" She pushed him away. "Jesus Christ, how much did you drink? You're fucking craz—"

That sentence was left unfinished as he held her face and bent his head to kiss her deeply. His lips were soft, his mouth hot. His tongue thrust into her mouth as he turned them around and pinned her against her car. The next thing she knew, she was kissing him back, shoving her fingers in his tangled hair, moaning his name. They kissed like no one was watching. His hands worked their ways around her body, caressing her body that was made just for him. She was his girl, his one and only. He told himself that before pulling away, one hand on the glass window, the other holding her neck, their foreheads touching. They held each other's intense gaze for a long moment while panting and trembling.

Y/N had only read about the type of kisses that made your head spin and your heart stop, but with him, she could feel everything she'd thought didn't exist. It was always fireworks when they touched, and she could probably never get used to it.

"Why did you do that?" she asked quietly, her hands clenched fistfuls of his shirt.

He sucked in a shaky breath before closing his eyes. "Because you wouldn't hear me out."

"Well, you were rude to me. You hurt my feelings."

"I'm sorry. I was...I was going insane in there," he said, his eyelids fluttered. "I didn't like seeing you with Isaac, and I didn't like how I'd been distracted the whole night just thinking of you. I used to be...good at it you know, putting on a fake smile and parading around like I enjoyed every single moment. But tonight, I could only think about you. I worried that you might not like it, that you weren't happy, that after tonight you would change your mind about our relationship. I just...I hate that you're not like us, you're too good for our pretentious world. So if I'm not careful enough, I can lose you easily."

"I didn't...didn't know you felt that way." She pouted, slowly caressing his cheeks. "I'm sorry, maybe I should've been more understanding."

He shook his head. "No, it was my fault. I didn't realize some people had been awful to you."

"Did Isaac tell you?"

"No, one of the twins accidentally said it." He frowned. "Maybe both of us should've stayed home. I'm not a dick when I'm alone with you."

His remark about himself made her giggle. "I almost threw away my birthday present for you because you were a dick," she said and asked him to give her a moment.

Harry arched an eyebrow as he watched Y/N open her crossbody bag. Before he could say a word, she pulled out from a small pocket a silver signet ring.

"Got this from a thrift store. It's embarrassingly cheap, I promise." She smirked as shock transformed his face.

"Wait, is that..."

Y/N nodded. "I don't remember what your dad's ring looked like exactly, so I'm sorry if this one might look a bit different. I had the word BAMBI engraved instead of your last name. See?"

"Wow, you are narcissistic."

"Oh, shut up!"

Harry was beaming like an excited little boy when she took his left hand and put the piece of jewelry on his ring finger, which fit perfectly.

"Happy sweet twenty-five, my love," she said. "Now you can tell everyone this is the birthday present from someone who really loves you."

Too emotional to speak, Harry dragged his Bambi back into his arms and showered her face with gentle kisses. He repeatedly whispered into her ear how much she meant to him and how lucky he was to have her in his life. Though she already knew, her heart still bloated, filled with affection.

"People have seen us together." She nibbled on her bottom lip while observing his face.

"It's fine, don't worry." He kissed the tip of her nose. Despite what he'd said, the look in his eyes had failed to cover up his fear. "Whatever happens, you'll stay with me right?"

"Always." She pressed her lips against the curve of his jaw, her hands tightened on his hips.

[queensqewed0722]

Jon Snow and Sansa Stark :  The Game of Thrones OTP that I never saw coming

I’m going to begin this post by saying that I never watched a single episode of the HBO series Game of Thrones.  Nada.  I tried with the very first episode of season 1 but at the time, I was in the middle of the second book “A Clash of Kings” so I dropped the series.  Being the purist that I am, I prefer to finish the novels first before getting into their film or television adaptations.  This allows me to compare and to fill in any missing pieces in the adaptation.  I told myself that I would finish all the novels, then just catch up with the series.  But I kept on putting off both the novels and the series so now, here I am, still in the middle of “A Storm of Swords: Part 1″, and on the eve of the first episode of the final season.  I doubt very much that I’ll be able to finish all the novels in time for the final season run.  But I do have all the books, except for the one with the maps, and I’m looking forward to the final novel “The Winds of Winter”.  

So why did I have to premise what I’m about to say with that?  That’s because I want to emphasize that I never had any preconceived notions when I found myself falling headlong and getting onboard this ship called “Jonsa”.  

Truth be told, I did have a little bias initially towards the Jon/Daenerys pairing, but this was purely because of my having read the first two novels.  It had nothing to do with me thinking that they would make a lovely pair.  I just thought that it would make sense, plot-wise, given who they were.  At the onset, I already guessed that Jon Snow was no ordinary bastard, that he had a birth secret that would turn the game of thrones upside down.  And Daenerys is the last known Targaryen princess.   I guess I’ve watched enough anime and KDramas to be very familiar with this kind of twist in the story.  In any case, I didn’t get into the novels for the romance.  I just found this whole complex universe fascinating.    

So I don’t recall anymore how I found myself aboard the ship.  I think I was browsing YouTube randomly and decided to check out some GoT clips.  Then I think I stumbled onto some MVs made by creative fans, or I found the clips of their reunion scene and other scenes of Jon and Sansa together in season 6.  Either way, I decided to check them out.  Lo and behold! I found myself practically hit between the eyes with the sheer chemistry and sexual tension between these two!  It was the last thing I expected to see.  

I think what really did me in were their reunion on Castle Black, and when Jon kissed Sansa’s forehead on the battlements.  

That reunion was just so emotional.  Without saying much, only with their facial expressions, it was more than enough to tell me how much seeing each other meant to them.  Of course, if you think about it, it was probably out of sheer relief and a bit of hysteria because I doubt they ever expected they would see each other again, much less see each other alive and well, or as well as can be expected after what they’ve gone through.  But then, there was Jon, watching Sansa sip her soup, and the way he looked at her, it was as if she was something precious and delicate.  Sansa was more reserved during that scene, her feelings more of a puzzle to me.  As if after the adrenalin rush of their reunion had died down, she was not entirely sure how she would conduct herself in front of Jon, whom she never really interacted with when they were growing up in Winterfell.  But Jon’s words at that moment were very sure:  they will stay together.  “Where will WE go?”  

And then, after the Battle of the Bastards, when they talked and he kissed her on her forehead, it was, to me, the physical manifestation of that look that he gave her when they first sat together after their emotional reunion.  That to him, Sansa has indeed become very precious and I guess he only realized at that moment exactly how much.  

One can always argue that the forehead kiss is a sign of brotherly affection and Jon’s reassurance that he trusts her, in spite of what happened.  In all honesty, that was what my mind was telling me.  However, my gut feel was saying otherwise.  The vibe that I got when I first saw that kiss, and even during several repeat viewings that I did afterwards, where nowhere near the area of filial love.  It was something else.  If I didn’t already have an inkling about who Jon really is even from the books alone, I would have icked myself out with what I was feeling.  But knowing what I knew about who he was, it just occurred to me that this, this thing between Jon and Sansa, makes much better sense than Jon and Daenerys.  This is of course, based purely on the scenes from the series that I saw, and not from anything that I’ve read yet.  I haven’t reached that point yet in the novel series where Sansa’ character has grown enough for her and Jon to make sense together.  But if the series reflects the direction of the novels as a whole, then I would expect them to happen eventually even on paper.    

There were also the other scenes in between of Jon and Sansa together, where Sansa’s feelings were more on the surface.  I don’t have to analyze them in detail anymore as I’m sure so many have done that before me.  In any case, I don’t need further convincing as far as these two characters are concerned.  It’s just that, after having seen what I’ve seen of Jon and Sansa together, I can’t unsee it anymore.  It effectively destroyed whatever little bias I had for the Jon/Daenerys pairing from the novels that I was initially expecting.  

If the drama were to still go the route of Jon/Daenerys, after everything that it made happen between Jon and Sansa, then I will feel very shortchanged indeed.     

*Credits to lauraZvidZ, the owner of the video that I quoted on this post.  This was one fanmade MV of the Jonsa pairing that I especially love, more so because it compared them to Ned and Catelyn, and Ned just happens to be my most favorite Game of Thrones character of all time.  

[starwarsnonsense]

Top 10 Films of 2018

This is rather delayed (mainly on account of an extended bout of laziness on my part), but I was still determined to get it out there! While I don’t think 2018 quite reached the heights of 2017 (nothing matched The Last Jedi or Blade Runner 2049, for example), there was still a lot of great cinema. 

As always, keeping this list at 10 meant I had to omit some great titles. Just so you get an idea of what I had to leave out, here are some honourable mentions: Eighth Grade, Lady Bird, Revenge, Phantom Thread, Thoroughbreds, Lean on Pete and Game Night.

1. Roma, dir. Alfonso Cuarón

Roma is a deeply special film, and I’m very fortunate in having got to see it in the best possible circumstances - projected on a huge cinema screen, with its gorgeous, silvery cinematography a marvel to witness. This film takes the kind of life that would usually be forgotten and turns it into an epic, interweaving the story of a loving, resilient housemaid with the seismic political events unfolding in Mexico in the early 1970s. The shots are highly symmetrical and geometric, with characters passing in and out of pre-established frames. But this is clearly intentional, and - to me at least - the story felt no less personal for it. There are several all-time great scenes in this film, and while I don’t want to spoil any of them with extended descriptions, I will say that there’s a sequence in a hospital that balances the mundane and the monumental in an extraordinary and heartbreaking way. This is breathtaking, masterful filming, and I felt it did justice to Cleo’s life without ever attempting to claim her experience. The film is quiet and the dialogue is almost perfunctory, relying heavily on its visuals - it’s cinema at its purest.

2. Annihilation, dir. Alex Garland

True story: I was so desperate to see Annihilation in a cinema that I flew to New York for it. Of course Annihilation wasn’t my sole reason for travelling to New York, but you can be damn sure I made a point of tracking down an Alamo Drafthouse that was showing it. And boy was it worth it. This movie does a magnificent job of fulfilling the potential of sci-fi, taking otherworldly concepts and ideas and using them to interrogate some of the most profound and frightening truths of what it means to be human. This movie has a quietly hypnotic quality to it, and Natalie Portman continues to prove that she is one of the finest modern actors - she says so much with her face and her movements that lines are hardly necessary. I will continue to follow Alex Garland’s career with great interest...

3. Beast, dir. Michael Pearce

Beast was probably my biggest surprise in film in 2018 - I went in expecting nothing, and was bowled over by it to the point that I rushed out to see it again at the first opportunity. This film follows lonely outsider Moll and her ardent love for the mysterious Pascal. There is a heightened, almost supernatural, quality to their romance, and the actors - Jessie Buckley and Johnny Flynn - have electric chemistry. This film delights in playing with the viewer’s fears and suspicions, constantly adjusting them as the characters evolve over the course of the movie. It’s a great fusion of genres - mystery and romance - that also functions as a superb character piece, and it is entirely worth your time.

4. Bad Times at the El Royale, dir. Drew Goddard

This film is bonkers in an amazing way. A bunch of seemingly random strangers gather at a hotel that’s far from its glory days, and it isn’t long before all hell breaks lose. The ensemble here is terrific, with all the cast members playing off each other in a succession of utterly delightful ways. Every character conceals a secret history and motive, with their layers gradually being peeled back as the movie plays out. Special mention must go to Cynthia Erivo, who is simply stupendous as a session singer who I wound up considering the film’s real hero - she’s marvellously charismatic and complex, and her voice is a complete wonder. This film is a messy tangle of mysteries, and I had a wonderful time unravelling them.

5. First Reformed, dir. Paul Schrader

I have a weird soft spot for ‘crisis of faith’ movies (think Silence), and this is a very fine entry into that niche. Ethan Hawke is superb here as a priest attending to an old church that has effectively been reduced to a chintzy tourist attraction, and I found the depiction of how he struggles with his faith, overwhelmed by disillusionment and the immense crises facing the earth, fascinating and beautifully written. Schrader wrote and directed this film, and it is one of his greatest achievements - the dialogue probes deep, never feeling trite or obvious. I also appreciated how the spiritual was so often conflated with the personal, with a thin line drawn being drawn between the divine and the carnal (that end scene is a woozy thing to experience). It’s a beautifully judged film, made all the more fascinating for its ambiguity. 

6. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, dir. Morgan Neville

The greatest testament to the power of this wonderful, good-hearted documentary is probably that I went into it knowing practically nothing about Mr Rodgers (he just wasn’t a thing here in the UK) and left it thinking he’s the hero the world needs right now. I’ve seen so many documentaries illuminating the ugliest parts of humanity that I didn’t realise how much I needed one spotlighting the best bits. But this documentary isn’t pure sentiment, though there’s a lot of that - I found a lot to admire in Mr Rodgers approach to child psychology and education, particularly his conviction that every child can benefit from a warm, steady presence, even of the source of the reassurance happens to be trapped in a TV monitor. I can only hope this inspires a fresh wave of documentaries on similarly worthy subjects.

7. The Wife, dir. Björn Runge

Glenn Close is coming for that Best Actress Oscar and no one can convince me otherwise. With The Wife, the whole movie transparently rests on the shoulders of one woman - Close’s performance is almost sphinx-like, being enigmatic and low-key to the point that her emotions are almost invisible. But their failure to manifest doesn’t mean they don’t exist, and that is perhaps the point of the whole movie. Joan Castleman might seem like the ideal wife of a great author, but she is revealed to be far more than that - a singular individual with dreams, passions, ambitions and regrets. Glenn Close makes the gradual reveal of each facet magnetic, to the point that the slightest twinges of her facial muscles become potent symbols.

8. Blindspotting, dir.  Carlos López Estrada

This is an urgent, gripping movie that tackles some of the biggest issues there are. Collin and Miles are friends, but this film sees their friendship challenged, the dynamics underlying it interrogated. I’ve seen movies described as “empathy machines” before, and Blindspotting is a great example of that. It sucks you into the day-to-day experience of living Collin’s life, whether he’s getting a window into the hang-ups of the people whose belongings he is moving (he drives a moving truck) or just chilling out with his friends. Alongside this, it also portrays how terrifying it is to live as a black man in America, how vanishingly little value appears to be placed on your life by those in authority. There’s a rap scene at the film’s climax that consolidates all of Collin’s rage and hurt, and it truly packs a punch.

9. American Animals, dir. Bart Layton

This film portrays a very different side to young American manhood from Blindspotting. Instead of living from day to day, the protagonists of this film start out with pretty much everything they could need - stability, support and good prospects. They choose to unsettle their existence by staging an outrageous heist, clearly dreaming of becoming legends and injecting excitement into their comfortable lives. American Animals does a fantastic job of pulling their plan apart, and since it was based on a true story director Bart Layton does something quite ingenious - he combines real interviews with re-enactments, the filmed scenes being switched out and adjusted according to the conflicting testimonies. In this way, American Animals becomes much more then a depiction of entitled young men seeking to mythologise themselves - it also functions as an interrogation of truth, and the myriad deceptive qualities of cinema.

10. Mission Impossible: Fallout, dir. Christopher McQuarrie

I have no idea how this franchise keeps on stepping up its game, but it does. It reminds me of how the James Bond films ended up taking Bond to space. I can see MI doing that at this point, except we all know that Tom Cruise would actually fly into space for it. With that prelude out of the way, I just need to stress what a fantastic action movie this is. The set-pieces here are marvellously staged, and their execution made them absolutely gripping - I was anxious over every punch, flinching at every cracked bone. McQuarrie is a true master of tension and suspense, and the movie was simply a magnificent ride. I was lucky enough to see this in IMAX with @bastila-bae, and the mere thought of people watching this on smartphones fills me with the rare kind of sorrow known only to shameless film snobs.

Look out for highlights from 2019 - coming up in a few months!

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #202 - Grandma (2015)

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes, #373.

Format: Blu-ray

1) Beginning a story with a title card which simple reads, “Endings,” throws the main character into a startling change. Nothing is settled when it is ending because endings are directly tied into new beginnings, which is what’s happening here.

2) An early strong indication of who Lily Tomlin’s Elle is (in some way).

Elle [about her relationship with Olivia in comparison to the one she had with her late wife]: “You’re a footnote.”

Olivia: “A footnote? That’s a really horrible thing to say.”

Elle: “Well I’m a horrible person.”

3) Lily Tomlin as Elle.

This film is supported on the back of its main character. Elle is everything through the film. She is the driving action and while the motivations may be based on granddaughter Sage’s needs it’s her emotional drama which is the through line of the story. Tomlin is able to play Elle as a consistently interesting, multi-faceted character. We understand the coarse, mean exterior and we understand that this largely is a survival instinct. Part of it is to keep the pain of her breakup hidden, part of it is to keep people distant, and part of it is just because she’s fucking pissed off. The longer the film goes on, the more Tomlin shines in what is one of the best performances of the veteran actresses career.

4) Julia Garner as Sage.

As someone who shares I think all her scenes with Lily Tomlin, whoever was going to play Sage had to hold her own against the veteran actress. Garner does this wonderfully, making Sage her own and wonderfully different from Tomlin. We see her as someone a little more insecure as Elle, or at least a little less “fuck you” to the world. But she finds a nice balance between who she is and who her grandma is trying to get her to be. Garner’s relationship/chemistry with Tomlin is strong and just grows as the film continues, marking a number of exchanges which show they’re equally matched in many ways (even if one might think Sage is on a lower playing field when it comes to verbal sparring).

5) Nat Wolff as Cam.

There are a number of small performances in this film from notable actors which really standout. Wolff may not have much screen time, but he does well to make you root against Cam (which he should). He plays a douche bag/loser wonderfully and you cheer when Elle beats the shit out of him.

6) I’m Elle.

Sage: “You know you’ve got a real anger problem.”

Elle: “No no, I don’t, I have an asshole problem. When people are assholes, I get angry.”

7) More than anything else, this story acts as a mini-odyssey. It’s a journey story where each scene is a stop on the journey. These stopes are not defined by a place or a problem (the problem is consistent throughout) but instead by characters. This is a journey about interacting with characters and exploring realtionships. And one could argue that the destination of the journey is Sage’s abortion (that is what they’re getting the money for) but I think the destination is Olivia’s house at the very end. But more on that later.

8) Laverne Cox as Deathy.

I do love some Laverne Cox in my movies, so her appearance here is a wonderful addition. Cox is immediately sympathetic and kind upon first meeting her, being one of the few people who doesn’t give Elle shit and who Elle doesn’t give shit back. Although a smaller role, Cox makes it as believable as ever. You become invested in Deathy because you only see the character, not the performer.

9) What works about the film is that it is wonderfully simple. It has clear goals and motivations, with every action based on a character choice. It is a wonderfully organic story that doesn’t try to do more than it should. It is focused and clear which is in part what makes it work.

10) Judy Greer as Olivia.

Every time I watch this movie I am absolutely mesmerized by Greer’s performance. It is so incredibly visceral, so honest, so pure. There is some base difference between how Greer plays this part and many of her other roles which just makes it really interesting. An X factor which allows her to have one of the (if not the) best performances of her career. She has this WILD chemistry with Tomlin and through her honesty, through her heart, through her sometimes painful but sympathizing vulnerability, she steals the show.

11) Sam Elliott as Karl.

There’s a good chance Elliott gives the best performance of the entire film in his short scene. He definitely steals the show from Tomlin by portraying the depth of the relationship these characters have. And then there is this absolutely gut wrenching pain which he shows off when the abortion comes up. He’s kind of a creep - asking a woman he knows to be gay for a kiss and sex in return for a favor - but you still feel for him at the end BECAUSE of Elliott’s performance. It’s vulnerable and painful, just really great.

12) I always liked this line.

Elle [after her daughter asks if she liked men since she was married to Karl]: “No I always liked women, I just didn’t like myself.”

13) Marcia Gay Harden as Judy.

There’s a lot of build up to the encounter with Sage’s mom/Elle’s daughter, born from character discussions about how scary she is. And Elle decides to go to her ex-husband BEFORE she went to her own daughter, which speaks a lot to the character and the relationships. And holy fucking shit, Judy is scary. And kind of a raging jackass, really condescending and judgmental. Harden plays the character wonderfully, she’s incredibly powerful and memorable. But Judy is a fucking jerk. Like, her daughter is already feeling bad enough about what’s going on and she’s going the extra mile to give her shit. And THEN she gives her widowed mother such an intense railing for just…being who she is? Honestly most of what we see of Judy is her as a mean spirited asshole and we understand why Elle/Sage didn’t go to her before they did. Although her final scene in the film does act as a redemption of sorts, which is nice to flesh out the character. But I think Elle puts it best.

Elle [about Judy]: “She’s such a brat.”

14) Potentially the climax of the film, the car ride to the women’s health clinic after the pair get money from Judy is such an intense moment of tension for both characters. They’re both really shaken from their encounter with Judy, they’ve had a long as hell day that has been nothing but stress, they’re running up against a clock, so all this tension and conflict just comes boiling to a head when the car breaks down/they’re yelling at each other. It is a sneaky climax (if I’m right and this is the film’s climax), but I do believe it is an organic moment of highest tension.

15) Garner’s best scene in the film is when Sage and Elle are at the women’s health clinic. It’s this quiet moment right before she’s about to get an abortion and there is this soft vulnerability Garner has. She’s still strong, she still goes through with it, but you can tell the situation is upsetting her and the actress plays it with great honesty. I love it.

16) The scene between Judy and Elle in the waiting room while Sage is having her abortion is a brief but important moment of connection between mother and daughter. They have a lot of issues to work through (as we got to see earlier) but they’re civil here and Judy is able to move past her assholery to be honest with her mom for a second.

17) I think this was the destination of the journey story all along. Elle on Olivia’s doorstep.

Elle: “Of course it meant something to me. I loved being in love with you.”

This is a wonderful last scene. It’s tricky, because you would think everything in the film would be leading up to Sage’s abortion. But that’s not where we start. We start with Elle and Olivia breaking up/Elle being horrible to Olivia. It’s through this day, through Elle pretty much analyzing all her past and present relationships, that she gets comfortable enough to be honest with Olivia. She has lost so many people in her life, as this day showed. She can’t loose one more too. Not totally. Yes they breakup, but at least Elle was honest. I love that.

Grandma is a film which is short and sweet. Its story is elegantly simple and it doesn’t get weighed down by anything superfluous. With absolutely wonderful acting across the board with a number of great performances, coupled with absolutely wonderful character writing, Grandma is just one of those hidden gems which is worth your time.

[thesinglesjukebox]

CAMILA CABELLO FT. YOUNG THUG - HAVANA [5.27] East Atlanta affair...

Maxwell Cavaseno: Young Thug plus Latin grooves has typically been an automatic victory lap, so it's not going to be any surprise that Jeff in Denis O'Bell mode is going to be satisfying. What's interesting is that in this chunky affair, Cabello actually manages to feel a sense of restraint and avoid indulging herself far too much. Yet at the same time, perhaps a more energetic vocal that didn't feel far too withdrawn might've hit just the sweet spot. [6]

Joshua Copperman: It took a while for this song to stick with me; I couldn't get past the piano hook, which isn't a sample but sounds like one. The rest of the beat feels watered down from the sultry jam it could have been, though the piano break when Young Thug comes on and does his thing is a cool little moment. Camila's performance even has some interesting quirks, but not even a crack team with Jeffery, Ali Tamposi, Frank Dukes, Starrah, Pharrell, and Trumpet Flourish can make it into a bona fide banger. [5]

Nortey Dowuona: Nice salsa keys but awkward as heck bass and drums, while Camila is really not making a good case for her solo career. Young Thug is sadly subdued and caged in the beat. Meanwhile, Camila stuffs the song too full with all of her scratchy-voice cooing. [5]

Andy Hutchins: I liked these keys better on "Dedication to My Ex" and the "oh na na"s better on "What's My Name," but credit is due to the dearly departed member of Fifth Harmony for at least mostly trying to stop doing entire scales every bar. Trouble is, that moderation makes her sound a bit too much like Selena Gomez, and the instrumental is far too busy and layered for someone to stand out while riding it -- even Cabello, who tries her typical tricks in the pre-hook, and Thugger, who has the good sense to not stray too far from the undulations in his verse. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: If I can stop thinking this is "Same Old Love" pitched at Lana Del Rey (enough writers contributed enough parts that some of it might be), this is pleasant reheated drama. Only problem is, if half of her heart's in Havana, so is half of her chorus. [5]

Jonathan Bradley: Camila Cabello was born in Cuba. Havana is the capital of Cuba; the name is an anglicized version of what might be a hispanicized recasting of a Taino name. Young Thug was born in Atlanta, the capital of the US state of Georgia. Atlanta is an anglicized version of what is ultimately a Greek name. "Havana" has a rolling Latin piano riff submerged in the murk that characterizes Southern US hip-hop in 2017; you might imagine Metro Boomin remixing "Havana" and making it even gloomier and more dissociative. If that were to happen, perhaps Young Thug could contribute another, more memorable verse. "Havana," as this song demonstrates obsessively, sounds a lot like "Atlanta," even though there is little linguistic link between the two. Is it fun to join the dots like this? Is it fun listening to the dots being joined? [4]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Camila is Cuban and Young Thug's an ATLien, sure, but these associations that "Havana" wants us to make are shallow and cipherous, distractions meant to lend credence to a song that fails to capitalize on the strengths of either vocalist. For all the clamorous uproar that occurs whenever Camila decides to sing, one would hope that there would be just as much disdain for a relatively reserved approach that's worse than her most ostentatious moments. But no, many will praise her restraint here or feel indifferent to it, failing to recognize that she needn't restrain her vocalizing for a song that's ostensibly less suitable for her histrionics. Like Young Thug a few years ago, Camila's simply in the process of discovering how to best use her voice, especially now that she's flying solo. But she overshoots (er, undershoots?) here, sounding more bored than ever, stymieing the chemistry she could have had with Young Thug. Even then, it's clear that Jeffery could've been more unhinged too -- just imagine the intense back-and-forth that could've been present between the two if they engaged in varying degrees of unpredictable vocal delivery. The tension that occupies the interstitial space between salsa dancers? That's not here. Which means that there's no heat able to radiate outward to all of Camila and Thugger's onlookers. [3]

Alfred Soto: No fan, I succumbed without fuss to the "I Feel the Earth Move" lilt of the piano and Camila Cabello's ease with the verse melody. There's nothing Havana-esque about "Havana" despite the singer's ethnicity, though, unless a trumpet solo = Latin.  And there's no fucking reason why Young Thug should share space except for streaming hits. [6]

Josh Love: This is a perfectly fine song with a reliable trad-Latin melody but it could have been so much more if Thugger had been given room to breathe. Not sure why you call him in to do a feature that any number of anonymous artists could have delivered. It's like the old adage about buying a Ferrari and then only using it for trips to the grocery store. [5]

Julian Axelrod: The only reason "Havana" isn't a Bond theme is because there hasn't been a Bond film worthy of a Young Thug verse. Isn't it wild how we go on for months pretending songs like "Pillowtalk" are sexy and then something like this, which finds the exact musical midpoint between 1966 and 2006, comes out? What a shame. [8]

Leonel Manzanares: Certainly her strongest solo single -- a mid-range cooing instead of a blaring Camila is definitely more appealing -- but the motionlessness of its structure takes a lot of strength from both her vocal and the rolling Young Thug verse. Still, that danzón/chachachá piano (of course, that unmistakable i-VI-V chord progression echoing decades of Cuban music) and Frank Dukes's clattery beat show a step forward for Cabello. I do want more of this, but better.  [6]

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