#the entire scene is great in so many ways. But also I might. I might have a bit of a thing for Dale here.

[langernameohnebedeutung]

cops hate this trick too

[pedroscurls]

secret crushes (one-shot)

summary: you've known hugh for years, having not only a personal friendship with him, but also a professional one. then, ryan decides to play matchmaker unbeknownst to you or hugh. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader word count: 4.5k warnings: this is complete filth bc how can you not look at that first photo and just be fine??? anyway - porn with little plot, unprotected p in v, public beach sex, seated cowgirl, oral - m receiving, light dirty talk, no use of y/n. a/n: this is for the anon who requested this spicy idea! i hope you enjoyed it as much as i did writing it. i haven't opened up my requests since 2017 (i think), but ya know, that might change after this lol. i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman! this is purely fictional.

“All expenses paid,” you hear Ryan say over the phone. “You deserve a vacation. Even Blake agrees.”

“Ryan, no,” you protest, beginning to clean up your small coffee shop for the day. When you opened your own coffee shop so many years ago, you didn’t expect that not only would it be great business, but that you’d be very close friends with Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman. 

“Oh, come on!” he says. “When was the last time you took time for yourself, hm?” 

There’s a silence that engulfs the two of you.

Before you can even speak, Ryan chimes in. “Exactly. You’ll have your own hotel room. You don’t have to spend the entire trip with us, though, we will be hurt if you don’t hang out with us, and–” he teases. 

“Okay, fine! Fine,” you huff. “I’m sure after Deadpool & Wolverine, you need some time for you and your family too.”

“Yeah,” Ryan replies. “I feel like I can be a good dad now.”

You let out a quiet laugh. “You’ve always been a good dad.”

“Eh,” he chuckles. “So, we’ll see you at the airport this weekend?”

“Sure.”

“Actually, we’re going to pick you up.” Ryan decides. “That way, I know for sure you’ll be coming with us.”

“God, you’re annoying!” you laugh. “Fine. I’ll see you and the family this Friday night. After I close up.”

“No, no. We’re leaving in the morning. Your coffee shop will be fine.”

“I know, it’s just–” you sigh, resting the phone between your ear and shoulder as you rearrange the bags of coffee on the display. Your mind drifts momentarily when you see the Laughing Man coffee beans, thinking about Hugh. “Nevermind.” 

“You think too much,” Ryan points out then his voice turns serious for a moment. “You’ll be okay. Your shop will be okay. In the time we’ve known you – Hugh and I – you’ve always been working, busting your ass.”

“I know,” you then move your gaze to the amount of photographs on your wall behind the counter. They are photographs that you’ve taken, candid ones of your employees, landscape portraits of the trips you’ve taken to find the best coffee beans, even personal photos of you and your family and friends, including Hugh, Ryan, and Blake. 

“So…” he says. “Pick you up Friday morning?” 

“Yes, Ryan. You can pick me up Friday morning. You’re very convincing, do you know that? You just never quit until you get your way.” 

“What can I say? I’m very persuasive.” He chuckles. “Okay, I’ll see you Friday. Have a good rest of your week. Call me if you need anything.” 

“I’m sure I’ll see you and Hugh before then,” you tease. “At this rate, all this free coffee I give you does amount to a free trip.”

“Exactly! Talk to you later.” 

—

You hadn’t spoken to Hugh in weeks, knowing that he and Ryan had been doing constant press conferences and interviews after Deadpool & Wolverine came out. You’d never admit it to either of them, but you did go out to watch the movie and it only fueled the crush that you had on Hugh. Especially that final scene. You’d be lying if you said that you didn’t go home that night with thoughts filled of him. Shirtless and glistening. It was rather inappropriate, really. Not only did you and Hugh start out as friends, but you also had a partnership with him where he sells his brand of coffee at your coffee shop and takes a cut of what the sales make. It’s worked for years now and you never really looked at him in a way that was more than a friend or partner. You knew he was good looking, so sweet and funny, but it wasn’t until months after his divorce that you started to look at him differently. You had to wonder if he looked at you the same way because you started to notice how often he would come by when you were closing up to help you clean, or how his gaze on you would linger, his touches seemingly becoming more and more less friendly and more intimate. 

You’re already on the plane with Ryan, Blake, and the rest of their family. It never felt like you were the odd one out. Both Ryan and Blake always made you feel like you were part of their family. There were plenty of times where you and Hugh would babysit Ryan and Blake’s children while they were busy and always, they’d ask for Uncle Hugh to sing songs from The Greatest Showman. You were always right there next to him, singing and performing alongside him to entertain the kids. 

When you moved to New York, it was a big leap of faith. It wasn’t always easy, but Hugh, Ryan, and Blake made you feel less alone when there were times you weren’t sure you were ever going to make it out here. Now, you can’t even think of leaving New York. It has become your home. These people… They have become your family. 

You look up from your notebook to see Blake and Ryan staring at you, both with big grins on their faces. You can tell they were hiding something, so you shut your notebook and point at them.

“Okay, spill.”

Ryan feigns a gasp, palms raising up in surrender. “Can’t my beautiful wife and I stare at you lovingly?” 

Blake lets out a quiet laugh and rolls her eyes. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re both really bad liars,” you point out. “What is it? Why are you both smiling at me like that?”

“We’re just happy that you’re finally taking some time to yourself,” Blake replies, moving to sit next to you. 

“You’re much more convincing than your husband,” you say loud enough for Ryan to hear.

“I take offense to that,” Ryan says. 

Blake turns to you and looks down at your notebook, tilting her head in amusement. “Even away from your coffee shop, all you can think about is how to improve it. Don’t you ever stop working?” 

“Never,” you laugh, opening your notebook for her to look through. “Fall is right around the corner, so I’m just thinking of a few specialty drinks that I can introduce for a limited time. I hear pumpkin spice is very popular.”

You and Blake stare at each other and then erupt into a fit of laughter, both of you shaking your heads. “Can you promise me one thing on this trip?” she asks.

“I can try.” 

“Try to have some fun, don’t think so much about work. It’ll be there when you get back. We’re in Hawaii for two weeks. Just–” Blake shrugs. “Be open and let loose.” 

You arch an eyebrow. “I feel like there’s a hidden meaning there somewhere.”

“Oh, there is!” Ryan nods, a grin lining his lips. “Or is there?” 

“The both of you,” you shake your head. “Are ridiculous.”

“Ah, but you love us,” Blake grins. 

“Unfortunately,” you tease. “But okay, I’ll do my best. No work. No thinking about work. I’ll try and focus on being in the present.” 

“Maybe you can meditate,” Ryan calls out. “You know, Hugh swears by it.” 

Hugh. The mere mention of his name makes your heart flutter and you subconsciously bite your lower lip. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Blake who tries to bite back a smile. 

“Yeah, maybe.” You stand up and then motion towards the bathroom, excusing yourself from both Blake, Ryan, and their kids. 

Blake then turns to Ryan and grins. She whispers very quietly. “I think it’s going to work.” 

“I sure hope so. Neither of them have any clue what we’re trying to do.” 

“You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it. They’re the only ones who haven’t seen it,” Blake says. 

“Oh, Hugh’s seen it,” Ryan winks. 

Blake chuckles. “Well, let’s see how this trip goes.”

“If it all goes well, they’ll be leaving together,” Ryan replies. 

—

You’ve been in Hawaii for three days now. You’ve possibly spent every moment with Ryan and his family since arriving. You didn’t mind though. Being in their company helped keep your mind away from work, away from the responsibilities that await you at home, away from Hugh. Today, though, Ryan and Blake want to spend the day at a secluded beach to allow their kids to roam free and have fun without worrying about possible paparazzi. 

You look at yourself in the mirror, dressed in a deep blue bikini set – a halter triangle top tied at the base of your neck and back, and a cheeky bottom with side ties that rest on the side of your hips – with a white, long sleeve cover-up. You take a few pictures of yourself, wanting to send it to Hugh or even post it on social media, but you don’t. Instead, you turn off your phone and set it inside your bag before you leave your room to meet Ryan and the family. 

Throughout the entire ride to the island, Ryan and Blake can’t keep their eyes off of you. You busy yourself, though, with playing with their kids, hearing their laughter fill the car. You can tell they’re excited, jumping up and down in their seats as they talk amongst one another about the things they’ll do once they get to the beach. 

It isn’t until you all arrive at the beach and climb out that you notice another car in the lot. Ryan had mentioned before that it would just be his family and you, so you had to wonder if maybe he had gotten something wrong along the way of planning this. But if you were concerned about it, he certainly didn’t show it himself. Instead, he climbs out of the car and grabs the kids’ bags from the trunk before he and Blake motion for you to follow them onto the beach. Your toes hit the sand as you slide your sunglasses on your face. You tell Ryan and Blake that you’ll be at a distance, allowing them at least some time to spend with their kids without you and it gives you enough time to try and meditate. Maybe it will work, you tell yourself. 

You don’t see anyone else nearby and you’re at a good distance from Ryan and Blake, so you set down your towel and bag, removing your cover-up and sunglasses. You make sure to reapply more sunscreen before you walk towards the water. It’s cold and it causes a shiver to run down your spine, so you force yourself to dive in to get acclimated to the temperature of the water. 

The beach had always calmed you down, kept you grounded. It was one of the reasons why you had been so hesitant to leave your hometown of California. From one side of the coast to another. Once you come back up, you run your hands through your wet hair, slicking it back away from your face as you stand, the water only reaching your upper thighs. When you open your eyes, though, your jaw drops. 

Hugh is within a few arms reach as his eyes meet yours. The surprise look on his face tells you all that you need to know. 

He had no idea you would be here.

And neither did you. 

You can’t help but let your eyes take in his frame. His broad chest, water trickling down his frame, disappearing into the waistband of his black board shorts. He’s pulling his shorts up just a bit, but it gives you a good view of the v-cut he has and immediately, you’re aware of the feeling between your legs.

But just like you’re checking him out, Hugh’s also allowing his eyes to roam over your frame. The bikini you’re wearing is so tiny and tight around your frame. He tries to tell himself not to get excited at the mere sight of you, but it’s hard. He’s getting hard, so he does his best to think of other things that could lessen his excitement. 

Since his divorce, Hugh had taken comfort in your presence. What started out as a friendship turned partnership had blossomed into something else. Surely, you felt it too. Or at least that’s what he told himself. 

“Hello, you,” he calls out. 

The both of you begin walking towards each other, meeting in the middle as the waves crash around you. 

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” you say softly. Out of instinct, you reach out to give him a hug, warms snaking around his shoulders. This feels good, hugging him like this feels fucking great. You feel his hard chest and hair against you. He’s so wet, so slick and you just want to–

“I think Ryan may have forgotten to tell us both,” Hugh says, voice deep and husky against your ear as his arms wrap around your waist. Hugh shuts his eyes as he feels your breasts against him, his fingertips resting just above your backside and he feels his manhood stir awake. 

Quickly, Hugh pulls away, slowly lowering himself in the water to cover the growing erection between his legs and also to keep some distance between your bodies. You do the same, swimming further into the water as you both continue to float. 

“And Blake,” you add. “You think it was intentional? You ask, turning to look over your shoulder to see both Ryan and Blake staring at the both of you. 

Hugh looks over at them and lets out a quiet chuckle. “Dunno,” he answers. “But I’m glad you’re here.” 

“Me too,” you blush, heat rising in your cheeks. “How long– How long have you been here?”

“Three days.”

“Those fuckers,” you chuckle. “They totally set this up.”

Hugh laughs alongside you and tilts his head in amusement. He watches you closely, seeing you gnaw at your lower lip nervously (it’s something he’s noticed about you very early on). You bring your hand up to stroke your hair back away from your face and Hugh can’t help but smile to himself. He likes you. Really likes you and he knows that he shouldn’t act on it, knows that there should be some boundary, but he can’t help himself. 

“You nervous?” he asks quietly. 

“What?” you answer, looking up at him. “No…”

“You’re doin’ that thing you do,” Hugh points out. He gently reaches out and runs the pad of his thumb along your lower lip, causing you to release it between your teeth. 

“What thing?” 

“You know what thing,” he chuckles, slowly swimming closer to you. “You bite your lower lip a lot when you get nervous or when you’re deep in thought. So, you’re either nervous or you’re thinkin’ about somethin’. Which is it?”

“Neither,” you lie. 

Hugh narrows his eyes slowly and drags his thumb at the center of your lower lip and down to your chin until he hooks it in his grasp. “Now, I know you’re not someone who lies,” he begins, moving his thumb across your jawline. “Don’t tell me you’re lying now.”

“I’m both,” you blurt out, leaning against his touch. “I’m nervous and I’m thinking about something.”

“You’re always thinking about something,” Hugh points out. “Do I…” he asks hesitantly and drops his hand back into the water. “Do I make you nervous?”

“Right now you are.”

“Why?” 

“Because…” you whisper, looking deeply into his eyes. “One, we’re both basically half naked.”

“We’re at a beach,” he says with a small smile. “We’re in our bathing suits.”

“Half naked,” you correct. “And two, you’re just–” you stop yourself and drop your eyes to his lips then back up to gaze into his eyes. You then remember what Blake told you. Try to have some fun. Be open. Let loose. Now, you understand exactly what she meant by that. So, you let out a shaky breath and continue. “You’re just so fucking hot, Hugh, and yes, you’re making me nervous because you’re literally shirtless and wet, and you’re muscular and it’s just–”

Hugh’s laughter interrupts your rambling. You notice the way his nose crinkles upwards when the laughter comes deep within the pit of his stomach. Suddenly, you’re very aware that you just made a fool out of yourself and you gently shove him. 

“It’s not funny! You asked and so I told you. I was being honest!” 

“I’m not–” he sighs, his laughter dying down. “I’m not laughing at you, baby.” The term slips past his lips so effortlessly and he reaches out from underneath the water to grab a hold of your hip, pulling you to him. “I’m laughing because you think I’m hot to a point that you’re stuttering over your words. Have you seen yourself?” The smile remains on his lips and his thumb begins to rub circles at your hip. “Because if anyone should be nervous, it’s me.”

“You?” 

“Oh, come on,” he says. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed that I’ve got the biggest crush on ya.” 

“Wait, you what?” your eyes slightly widen in surprise, but you can’t help the way your stomach flips in excitement. 

“I’ve got a crush on ya,” he whispers. “And I shouldn’t even be having crushes at this age,” Hugh chuckles nervously. “But I do. I like you.”

“You’re not joking?”

“Why would I be joking?”

“Because you can have literally anyone you want and–”

“I want you.” Hugh says, leaning down to rest his forehead against yours. “Do you want me to?” 

“More than you fucking know, Hugh.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders and press your lips against him. You sigh against him moving your legs to wrap around his waist underneath the water as you move your lips against his own. 

Hugh growls against you, both hands moving to your hips as he leans further into you, tilting his head to get a better angle of your lips. He didn’t realize this was how his trip was going to go. After Ryan convinced him to take some time off, especially after the success of their movie together, he was hesitant. He didn’t want to take time off. He was used to being busy, especially after his divorce, but Hugh had only agreed to come on the trip to figure out his feelings for you. 

He just didn’t realize that you’d be here too. 

In the distance, you and Hugh can hear a faint clapping and hollering. You both pull away to look over at the noise and see Blake, Ryan, and their kids jump up in excitement, cheering for the both of you. You see them wave in your direction before they begin to grab their things, making their way back to the parking lot. You then look at Hugh and gaze into his eyes.

“Are they leaving us? Leaving me?” You ask. 

“I can take you back,” Hugh says softly. 

You bite your lower lip and nod. “Only if it isn’t–”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if our hotel rooms are right next to each other,” Hugh chuckles, slowly then moving his hands down as he grasps your backside in his large hands, pulling you flush against him. His gaze darkens as he stares into your eyes. He thinks maybe he might have moved too fast, but when you roll your hips against him, he knows exactly what’s going to happen next. 

You want him just as bad as he does. 

“Hugh,” you whisper, voice laced with desire. “Please.” 

“Tell me, baby.”

“I need you.” You bury your face in the side of his neck and gently nip at his skin, feeling his hands move under you, his long fingers brushing against your core as it causes you to gasp. 

Hugh’s painfully hard against his board shorts and he lets out a low groan when he feels your teeth scrape against the skin at his neck. He feels you squirming against him, moaning into his ear and he has to pull away briefly to look into your eyes. 

“Are you sure?”

“If I have to say please one more time…”

“I don’t mind hearin’ you beg,” he winks. “Come on.” Hugh leads you out of the water and towards his towel in a much more secluded area. You drift from him for a moment to grab your things before following him, watching him lay out his towel before he takes a seat on it, legs spread wide. 

You bite your lower lip and lay out your towel in front of him, dropping to your knees as you crawl towards him until you're seated on your knees between his legs. “We won’t get in trouble, will we?”

Hugh shrugs, reaching down to cup your cheek. “Don’t think so. Ryan made sure that no one but us should be here and–”

“That’s good enough for me.” You lean down and move your hands to the waistband of his board shorts. He’s dripping wet from the water and you can see the outline of his length perfectly due to his shorts sticking to him. You hook your fingers into the waistband and slowly pull it down enough to see his length spring free. Hugh lets out a low groan of relief and reaches behind you to undo the knot at the base of your neck. Once loose, he watches your top fall open to reveal your breasts. He doesn’t have enough time to take in your newly exposed chest because your hand wraps around his base, soft lips grazing the head of his manhood. 

“Ah, baby,” he growls, moving a hand to your shoulder, gripping it tightly as your mouth wraps around his tip. Hugh shuts his eyes and tosses his head back, moving one hand to rest on the towel while the other remains on your shoulder. 

You look up at him, feeling an immediate possessiveness wash over you. He looks so beautiful like this, eyes shut, chest heaving, and at your mercy. 

You begin to stroke his base as your tongue swirls around his tip, lapping at his precum. His groans slowly become louder as you lower your head to take more of him, stroking his base when you realize you can’t take him whole. He’s larger than you expected, girthy and long, and it excites you. As you continue to stroke him in time with sucking his length, you feel Hugh’s hand move from your shoulder to the back of your head as his hips slightly lift itself. He pushes himself further into your mouth, feeling the tip of his cock hit the back of your throat repeatedly. 

“Fuck,” he moans, eyes opening to look down at you. God, Hugh can just come at the sight of you. Tears slightly stinging the corners of your eyes and your mouth stuffed full of him. What a beautiful fucking sight, he thinks.

Slowly, Hugh has to pull away from you because he feels the pit of his stomach tightening, searching for release. He lets out a low growl that reverberates through his chest and you lean up on your knees, licking your lips. Hugh reaches out for you and pulls you on his lap, hurriedly moving your bikini bottom to the side. He grasps his manhood and runs his tip along your length, feeling your wetness coat him with each movement.

“You’re wet for me?” he asks, eyes staring up at you. 

“Only for you.” you reply, eyes fluttering as you feel his tip slowly push into you. He releases his hold on his length and rests his hand on your hip, leaning down to press soft kisses against your chest before he moves onto a breast, flicking his tongue against your nipple repeatedly before he wraps his lips around it. 

You let out a loud moan, moving your hands to his shoulders as you slowly lower yourself onto him, your walls tight and wet sliding down his cock. You feel so full of him and he’s not yet fully in the hilt. The stretch is almost painful, but you’re so wet and throbbing that you have to stop yourself from slamming down onto him. 

“Oh god, Hugh,” you whimper, nails digging into his shoulders as you move along his length, not yet allowing him to fill you to the hilt as your walls begin to make way for him. 

Hugh moves his lips to your other breast, eyes staring up at you. He wants more of you, needs more of you so he slowly lifts his hips, inching further within your depths. 

“Shit,” he groans, watching as his cock disappears into you completely. Hugh’s hands rest over your hips as you pull him closer to you, chests pressed against one another as you slowly roll your hips against his. “So fucking tight, baby,” he whispers against you, forehead resting on yours. 

“You’re–” you gasp, feeling his hair at the base brush against your clit as you continue your movements. “So big,” you moan, eyes falling shut. 

Hugh gently pecks your lips and takes a hold of your hips to guide you along his length. He watches you reach for his cowboy hat, placing it on top of your head and Hugh has to force himself to hold back his release. 

“You’re so hot,” he moans, allowing you to take control of your movements. Hugh can’t help the way your walls tighten around his cock – you’re so warm and wet, so inviting and tight. He knows he’s close, but he can’t– he can’t finish without you finishing first. 

“Baby,” Hugh whimpers, holding you flush against him in a tight grip. “Don’t– Fuck, baby, don’t move.” 

“It’s okay,” you whisper, hands moving to link at the base of his neck. “You can come, Hugh.”

“No,” he shakes his head, losing his resolve as your hips move forward and backward slowly. “You have to be first– Shit…”

“This won’t be the only time,” you say reassuringly, lightly pecking his lips. You then increase your movements, hips moving forward and backward at a faster pace. Hugh’s so deep in this position and you know you’re close, but you’re determined to have Hugh finish before you. 

“Sweetheart,” Hugh grunts. “Baby, I’m–” His eyes flutter shut as he lets out a loud groan, mouth slightly agape as his fingertips dig almost painfully into your hips. His release shoots inside of you, painting your walls as his manhood throbs within your depths. 

He’s still half hard and you take this moment to begin bouncing along his length, using your hand to reach down between you to rub your clit and Hugh’s eyes narrow. He pushes your hand away and rubs your clit with his thumb in a circular motion. 

Hugh feels possessive and almost animalistic at the sight of you using him to get yourself off. He can feel your walls begin to tremble and he’s still a bit sensitive, but you just feel so fucking good. 

“Come on, baby,” he coos, applying pressure to your clit. “I know you’re there. Come for me, sweetheart.”

That’s all it took. Your walls tighten around his length as your body trembles against him. Hugh moves his hand to wrap his arms around your waist, leaning up to press his lips against yours. He’s still inside of you, his length softening as the moment passes. 

You move your lips lazily against his, heavy breaths passing through the both of you as Hugh pulls back slowly. “Wanna head back to the hotel?” he grins. 

“Oh, hell yeah.” 

[bookdragonideas]

Here's the thing. I'm a girl, and as a girl, I really like it when girls are portrayed in fiction. Especially fantasy.

But so much fiction/fantasy mixes up 'girls' with 'unstoppable forces of female badass' and there's not necessarily anything wrong with having a character who is an 'unstoppable forces of female badass'. But it gets old real quick. And it is not the same as portraying normal girls, or having good female characters.

And that's one of the many reasons I love Avatar the Last Airbender.

Because all the girl characters have flaws and weaknesses and sometimes act like idiots or jerks. They get emotional and make mistakes. They lose fights or arguments or are just wrong sometimes. Some of them are amazing warriors, and some aren't. Some are powerful or special and some are normal, with nothing special about them.

And I Love that.

I was around the same age as Katara when I first watched Atla. And I instantly connected with her as a character. I loved her optimistic attitude and her fighting spirit. And I could relate with her anger, and with her maternal instinct. I admired her fighting skills of course, but I loved how the show portrayed her compassion and kindness, the way she could both beat up a bunch of bullies AND enjoy a relaxing day at the spa. She was a baddass warrior that should never be crossed. But she was also a normal teenage girl who had a lot of the same internal struggles and problems that I did.

(I never connected to Toph on the same level, but I did relate to her on a few things. She's an adorable trash gremlin who would commit any crime for fun and I love that. But she struggles with being both independent and letting people help her, and I still struggle with that sometimes. I've learned that sometimes, you can help others by letting them help you.)

Yue is, in my opinion, a perfect example of a type of hero that seems to be disappearing. She is not a warrior. She is not a fighter. She's not even a bender.

Yue is a perfect princess, a perfect daughter. She is extremely feminine in a rather older sense.

And she was the only one who could save the world. She gave up everything for her people. She saved everything, everyone, the entire world. Without ever becoming a fighter.

Yue is a perfect example of a girl who was never more than a girl, and how that's okay. Not every girl has to be rough and tumble and fight for her rights in order to change everything. Sometimes it's okay to just be a quiet obedient girly girl. Sometimes that's all it takes to be a hero.

And I love that. Yue is strong in her own way. She is unique and interesting. She appears in only a few episodes and yet manages to be one of my favorite characters.

Song is another great example of this. Song is a healer in a small town. We don't see much of her but we see her compassion and empathy. She is gentle and generous. A healer not a fighter.

She watches Zuko steal her ostrich horse and does nothing.

Is that because she's kind and generous and knows he needs it more? Or is it because she's a healer girl who knows she can't actually stop those two from taking the horse? Maybe neither, maybe both. I have always thought that the scene where Zuko steals the horse and only the audience knows she saw it is one of the most thought-provoking in the series.

Suki is a badass warrior woman who is an awesome fighter and good leader. She is one of the best non bender fighter we see in the entire show. She was one of the smartest, most efficient, and powerful characters we ever saw.

She kissed a boy she had just met because she thought he was cute.

Now don't get me wrong I love SokkaxSuki. Its one of the best couples in the show.

But Suki totally did the old 'love at first sight' thing. And that is awesome. Because when she kisses him she delivers one of the best lines, not only from her, but, I think, in the entire show.

"I AM a warrior, but I'm a girl too."

Being a warrior doesn't mean that she isn't also a teenage girl. She might be a fighter, but she still gets crushes and likes to flirt with cute boys. And hey, she picked a good one. Not every boy is going to come break you out of prison.

Anyways, let's have more realistic girls in fiction. And please enjoy the next 24 hours.

[waitineedaname]

i was thinking my little thoughts while falling asleep last night, and a concept occurred to me: what if binghe learned about the system not from shen qingqiu, but from shang qinghua

look, he likes shang qinghua alright. he's pretty disinterested in p much anyone who isn't shen qingqiu, but on the list of People Luo Binghe Tolerates, shang qinghua is relatively high. he gave him advice on wooing sqq, after all, and sqq likes his company, so binghe tolerates his shang-shishu

but the thing is, shang qinghua is a spy. has been for decades. binghe knows this. really, everyone knows this at this point, which isn't a great look for a spy, but still. and since shang qinghua is a spy for mobei-jun, who is a subordinate for luo binghe, then technically shang qinghua is also working for him, but you don't get to the position of demon emperor without a healthy amount of suspicion for everyone in your court

so he decides to test shang qinghua a little bit. nothing major, just a little poking around in his dreams. he starts out with a subtle touch, just sifting through his memories. most of it is what he expected. he sees his time on an ding as a disciple and then later as peak lord, he sees him working for mobei-jun. he sees mobei-jun in some compromising situations, which he files away for later, and then sees him in an entirely different flavor of compromising situations, and binghe immediately decides to act like he never saw that

then he decides to take a more direct approach and starts nudging the dreams in other directions, to see how he might react to certain scenarios, test his loyalty. he expects shang qinghua to act cowardly, or bluff his way through a situaton, maybe even draw his sword if pushed far enough

what he doesn't expect is for shang qinghua to frown at the changes luo binghe made and go "I didn't write it like this"

what

binghe is so bewildered by that response that he loses his grip on the dream for a second, and before he knows it, shang qinghua has spun the dream scenario back into the way the scene originally played out. he steps back and looks satisfied. "there we go," he says. "that's how it went. you know, if I'd known I'd be dealing with this scene myself, I would've written it differently"

what the hell does that mean?

fascinated, luo binghe continues to test him. most of the time, when he toys with someone's dream, they're completely unaware of the changes. shang qinghua, despite not seeming aware that he's lucid dreaming, seems very aware of how each scene should go. except for, strangely, many of the scenes that binghe himself was in. binghe pulls up one from his disciple days, one of the times he remembered shang qinghua coming to qing jing on some errand. he hadn't even changed anything yet, had just let the dream version of his younger self launch himself at shizun in a tacklehug, but shang qinghua tsks and takes the reins from him before he can make any edits. "sorry bing-ge, but that was just way too out of character," shang qinghua says. the dream copy of luo binghe's younger self is sent further away, watching the peak lords with a sullen gaze. he's skinnier than binghe remembers being at this age, and one of his eyes is swollen with a purple bruise. that doesn't make any sense, luo binghe thinks. he hadn't been beaten on qing jing peak for years at this point.

the shen qingqiu beside shang qinghua in the dream stands with his back straight as a ruler, and when his gaze lands on luo binghe, he sneers behind his fan. shang qinghua sighs. "cucumber-bro really wasn't as good of an actor as he thought he was. he's way too soft to ever seem like the original goods."

alarmed, luo binghe dispels the dream and steps out of it entirely. sure, he knows shen qingqiu's personality changed almost overnight when he had that qi deviation. everyone knew that. he avoided questioning it much, unwilling to look a gift horse in the mouth when it meant having a shizun that cared for him

but shang qinghua. shang qinghua seems to know something more about shen qingqiu's personality change. something he's not sharing. luo binghe didn't like the idea that one of his subordinates could be hiding something as vital as this from him

well, this had been a test of his spy's loyalties, hadn't it? perhaps he should make a visit to an ding. he had some questions.

[yumeka-sxf]

In addition to Yor's epiphany scene, this scene was the other one I was most looking forward to in season 2 - a scene that, in my opinion, is one of the most Twiyor-ish scenes in the series so far 💖

Why is it so significant? Because there was no reason for Twilight to put on any Loid Forger acting in that moment. He wasn't conversing with nor being scrutinized by anyone. So why would he give that soft smile followed by such affectionate, comforting words as "お疲れ様/otsukaresama"? (this can be translated in many ways, but generally it's something you say to thank someone for their hard work).

The answer is because it's something he truly felt...he understood the sacrifice Yor made for Anya's happiness and genuinely appreciated it (if only he knew the sacrifice she made on the larger scale, lol). While he's a bit perturbed at first since some onlookers were snickering at him, it didn't take long for him to soften and then graciously carry his queen and princess the girls back to the ship 😭

But Twilight overall was really soft in this episode and I loved it~ From his blush upon seeing Yor to the several times he gave that same soft smile when talking with/looking at her...I think Anya was right when she called him out on the ship about missing his wife 😅

I liked how the anime conveyed his shock when noticing her bruised face...what must have been his thought at that moment? 👀

The scenes of the family activities translated better in animated form in my opinion. While they were each only a single panel in the manga, they lasted a few seconds each in the anime, plus the addition of the insert song helped the with the comfy, wholesome vibe~ Also the part where Yor inadvertently chucks Anya across the ocean is still hilarious.

Loid's dorky skip at the beginning of the episode translated very well in animated form too 😅

The ending of this chapter in the manga always felt a bit rushed to me...it quickly jumps from the aforementioned scene of them returning to the ship, to suddenly being home, reuniting with Bond and Franky, having a meal together, then Twilight meeting Sylvia, all within a few panels. Even though I wish the anime added more than just some additional scenes of the ship leaving the island, I felt it flowed much better in the anime since, just like the family activities, each scene in the ending lasted a second or two instead of being a single illustration.

But I love how this chapter/episode ends, with Yor, Anya, and Bond napping while Anya draws about her family vacation. This seems to take place the next day or maybe later the same day they got home, so makes sense they'd still be tired from the trip!

By the way, the manga has this additional scene showing that Olka and company are safe. Weird that the anime didn't stick it in at some point.

Also, the anime team didn't have to go so hard with this episode's key visual but they did...and I love it 😍 Might actually be my favorite of the key visuals so far!

I was very happy to see the "surrounded by liars" panel finally animated! This is such a funny scene and a great way to fully wrap up the cruise arc.

I also burst out laughing at Yuri's locker 🤣

Damian is surprisingly laid back in this episode. I think the reason is because Anya's antics aren't directly involving him. He tends to go total tsundere only when she's actually talking to him, lol.

The new scene of Yor getting the keychains for her coworkers was a nice addition! Guess it's canon that Yor and Anya didn't sleep for the entire trip back, lol. Glad they got to spend family time on the ship too! (though I wish we could have seen Yor's reaction waking up in Loid's bottom bunk bed, haha. He must have brought her to his room since he wouldn't know where her room is. Unless she woke up before he even put her in a bed, in which case she would have been super embarrassed knowing he was carrying her around in public 😆)

Looks like next week the anime will be changing the order of things a bit and giving us the Becky home-wrecking and Fiona chapters (the latter of which seems to have some anime original content?) The Becky chapter is one of my favorite stand-alone chapters...I'm already dying of laugher thinking about it 😂

[deramin2]

I keep seeing people make the unspoken assumption with The Legend of Vox Machina that large changes made, especially to their most beloved parts, were rewritten that way from the beginning. I don't see a lot of space held for the idea that they might have tried writing things the way they happened in the AP and it didn't work. The things that hit hard in the breadth of an actually play may not emotionally work at all when condensed.

Percy's death and resurrection is a great example. Immediately killing off Ripley and then rushing Percy back home to attempt a resurrection worked really well in the actual play with player/audience knowledge of the gamble inerrant to resurrection and an agonizing week before any resolution was possible. But condensed into an animated show with almost no passage of time, it would take away the weight of that death completely. It would remove the stakes not just for his death, but all others after him.

Multiple resurrection rituals are another thing that worked really well in the AP, but would end up being tedious and repetitive in animation. Especially when they all miraculously work. You don't have a DM telling the audience what the stakes are and then see the gamble pulled off successfully.

In adaptation writers often have to choose between 1:1 events without the context that made them impactful, or changing events so the emotional beats translate. I'd much rather have the heart and the vibe be what's kept.

It's also very silly to say "XYZ didn't happen" when the season hasn't ended and we might not have gotten to it yet. I've seen people be salty about this numerous times only for it to come up in the next set of episodes. You have to be a little chill when you know things got moved around to fit better.

I just feel like if you dwell too much on the desire to see your favorite bits adapted exactly as they happen, it's easy to end up disappointed. And easy to miss why things might have had to change to make a stronger story in a different medium. You have no idea how many times things were reworked to fit before a different direction was taken. You have no idea how much they actually cared and wanted to keep things. Or even what was most important out of a scene to the creators themselves.

The AP was a first draft and sometimes as a writer you have to kill your darlings to better support the entire story instead of specific cool scenes that emotionally miss in the broader context of the story. I'd much rather lose scenes I wanted to see in order to see a whole arc that ultimately hits home on the same emotional level.

[bengiyo]

Hello 👋

All of your favorite horniest sex scenes?

Hello! I've been busy, so this has taken forever to get to!

I don't always need the guys to bounce around on each other and gyrate enthusiastically for it to out as horny. Oftentimes, I find myself more drawn in by the building desire between the characters, and the explicit acknowledgement of release. I like when the sex feels like it's also revealing something to us about the characters. I've highlighted many of these before, but it's fun to revisit.

Ghost Host, Ghost House Episode 4 Couch Scene

I will never get over this scene, and especially the director's cut of it. These guys knew they liked each other almost instantly, and it was so rewarding to see them reach a place where they could express that. Bonus points for discussing the logistics of gay sex.

This show has been on Gaga and YouTube for a while, but it's also now available on Viki!

La Pluie Episode 6 Floor Scene and Episode 7 Bed Scene

I liked this scene so much that I wrote about it. Again, there's a lot of anticipation between these two, and you can tell how far it's built up because Patts has to dial it back down when Saengtai wants to stop. It's especially important to me because Saengtai does blow Patts in the next episode. If you're on iQIYI, there's an extended cut of that at the end of the video lists.

Mood Indigo: The Post-Funeral Scene

These two are so horrible for each other, but damn are their sex scenes compelling. Theirs are the kinds of scenes only possible between two people you know can never work long term. I was so glad that we got back to Haruhiko in Playback, and the first thing he did was blow Rio in a car. If you haven't seen the Novelist, and you're itching for hornier BL, it's right there.

The End of the World With You "You're Soaked"

From the same team as The Novelsit, we got to experience baby's first fuckboy in this incredible show. Again, I love when we get scenes with couples who aren't ready to work, because they're allowed to have raunchier sex. They get to amp the intensity of the physicality because they need to give a reason why someone was so caught up and missed the warning signs. I actually love the car scene later as a more romantic intimacy scene, but we're focusing on horny here.

Jack o' Frost Birthday Sex

A common theme here with the Japanese offerings is that people are allowed to have more interesting sex scenes right before they split. This is true even in Jack o' Frost. We get a really great oner from the leads that precedes their breakup and Ritsu's accident. I think this might be my favorite of this list because the actors have to build the entire scene together since there aren't any cuts.

Gameboys 2 Bed Scene

Cairo and Gav are one of my favorite pandemic couples we got on screen, and I was quite relieved for them when they finally got to have this moment. We also confirmed they switch, and I love that.

Wedding Plan: Namnuea Showing Off His Stamina

No list for me would be complete without including them. I really loved seeing two gay men go at it after clearing out all of their misunderstandings. They had already had sad goodbye sex. It was thrilling to see them having enthusiastic, athletic sex. This also leads directly to one of my favorite emotional payoffs for a closeted character of all time.

Kiseki: Dear to Me Reunion

The second couple stole this show, but damn if I didn't love the way these two played out sex across multiple years between their characters. These two really suffered, and I really love the way Taro Lin and Hsu Kai captured the changes between these two as Bai Zong Yi grew and matured. This really was a solid sex scene.

Love Class 2: Sungmin and Joo Hyuk

I just really wanna thank them for reassuring me that if Korea wanted to, they could deliver.

Sleep With Me Jeans Scene

I am not a lesbian, but I share their beliefs. This scene was so good. I loved that these two, who have different kinds of disabilities, were able to have a very fun sex scene. I really like when it's clear both characters want to be there.

Only Friends: Boston and Top in the Car

Despite my eventual disdain for this show, I was impressed with Neo and Force for giving this incredibly selfish sex scene between their characters. This entire scene is about injured egos, and it's a standout scene from this show. We won't discuss the rest of the show here.

Thanks for the ask!

[tsxkkis]

omg omg can i request? pls ignore if you dont!

s3 of haikyuu will always be my favourite season, maybe due to the fact that tsukishima realizes his potential in playing volleyball? (him having his MOMENT is my favouriteee scene)

so could you write gf manager reader x tsukki, where reader witnesses him having his first moment (blocking ushijima's spike), injuring his hand etc etc up until they receive their throphy and medals in the end ?🥹🥹💕 shes a proudddd reader and literally just smooch smooch hug hug tsukki because hes the mvp of karasuno x shiratorizawa 🥰😤

i realized that theres nobody includes this scene in their fics and i wonder why? 🤔🧐

# tsukishima kei - mvp

a/n: i am terribly sorry anon bcs this took so long T-T i'm not quite sure about some parts of this fic but overall i really enjoyed writing this request!! tsukishima is my fav for many reasons, one of which being the fact that i see myself in him a lot, and the particular moment during the shiratorizawa vs karasuno match is also my fav from the entire series!! i hope u enjoy reading this fic^^ i feel like it's not exactly what you asked for, so i'm sorry if i went too far away from your idea....

summary: tsukishima finally regains his love for volleyball.

warnings: a few swear words here and there, the fic doesn't exactly portray what happened in the series (i switched it up a bit)

'are you stressed?'

'not even a bit.'

'you're lying. i can read you like a book.'

tsukishima kei let out a deep breath, rolling his eyes as he looked away from your face. you were obviously right; there was no way he wouldn't be stressed before the game that determined whether or not karasuno would go to nationals. as much as he hated to admit it, he was almost as stressed as others. he was just better at controlling which of his emotions are shown.

you squeezed his hand, his fingers instinctively intertwining with yours. all it took was a reassuring smile from you to help with his nerves, his muscles finally relaxing after being tensed up for the last twenty minutes or so. he still tried to get used to you being more than a friend. your relationship was quite awkward and fresh, so much so in fact that you never even had your first kiss yet.

'i'm sure you'll do great.' you stated calmly, trying to hide the fact that you were even more stressed about the match than him. 'in fact, i'm positive that you'll win.'

'even if we do, it won't be because of me.' he mumbled, letting out a silent laugh when he saw the angry look on your face. 'oh, come on. it's not like i'm the greatest player this team has.'

'you know i hate it when you talk down on yourself.' you said, the tone serious and sharp, rather unusual for you. it stayed like that for only a short while, taken over by a softer, understanding one. 'you're a vital part of this team, tsukishima. winning this match is not up to a single person. it's a team effort. your input is as important as that of kageyama or hinata.'

he opened his mouth to say something but was instantly stopped by the voice of his captain, daichi, calling the team up to quickly warm up as the match was about to start.

you smiled at the boy, letting go of his hand before lightly patting him on the back.

'do your best for me, alright?'

'i will.' a barely noticeable smile appeared on his face, his hand affectionately ruffling your hair. 'don't worry too much about it.'

you finally realized why tsukishima kei never tried more. why he would never stay longer like other karasuno players to polish his skills, why he didn't truly seem to love the sport he chose to play in high school.

'you're insufferable, you know?' his words sent shivers down your spine. 'why don't you leave it the fuck alone?'

opposite forces, some might say. no one really knew what drew you and tsukishima to eachother - both of you completely different from one another, and yet oh so similar at the same time. frustration took over you every time you looked at him, and now you knew why.

he was like a mirror in which you could see all your flaws, and it irritated you a great deal.

his outlook on life and the way he viewed himself made you furious. how can someone be so full of contradictions? so cocky and confident, and yet so vulnerable and self depreciating at the same time. so full of himself and yet so hateful towards the person he saw in the reflection of every window, every mirror.

how can someone so great at what they do, so intelligent and talented, be so critical?

'because i can't! i can't leave it alone, you absolute moron.' the thought of how loud you were didn't stop you from continuing to shout, a mixed look on your face that tsukishima couldn't quite decipher. were you angry or sad? and why the hell would it bug you so much to evoke such strong emotions within you?

'you're saying i'm insufferable? from the moment i laid my eyes on you, you've been nothing but insufferable. so much so, that i want to gouge them out every time they spot you.' you ignored your watery eyes and tsukishima's surprised face, almost as if he didn't expect you to blow up like this. 'it pains me to see you be so full of doubt and hatred and i- i can't understand why you would think so lowly of yourself, why you feel inferior to the other guys in every way possible, when you could be so much more than them. do you even realize your potential, tsukishima?'

he stayed silent. for the first time since knowing you, tsukishima kei did not have an answer to your words.

'your doubts are so irrational i don't know if it makes me angry or sad. you're truly incredible on the court. you're intelligent, you can read the opponents well, you have the physical predispositions for volleyball and a natural talent that you choose to ignore because-'

'but what is talent without passion?'

that singular sentence managed to catch you off guard so much you had no idea how to answer him. such a simple question, and yet such a philosophical, confusing one.

'why should i put my all into something i'm not even passionate about, huh?' tsukishima tried to keep his composed nature, but it was hard to stay intact after what you've said. as much as he did not want to admit it, your words hit him deeply. 'why waste my time and energy for something that does not give me any satisfaction at all? tell me that, because i have no fucking idea.'

'passion is not something that dissapears once and never shows up again, you idiot.' you took a step closer, as if that was going to help you get your point across. 'if your passion is genuine, it will always be there. whether small or big, it will always crawl around in the back of your mind. if you ever truly loved volleyball, the moment where you fall in love with it again will come sooner or later.'

your words were met with complete silence, but you didn't mind. tsukishima slowly processed your words, a focused look gracing his face, lips in a tight line. even though it was only a couple of minutes, for you it felt like hours - awaiting an answer, any answer at all.

tsukishima moved closer, his tall frame hovering over you as he wrapped his arms around you, catching you in a tight hug, much to your surprise.

'thank you.' he mumbled quietly, glad that in this very moment you couldn't see his face, and the stupid smile plastered to it.

the moment where you fall in love with it again will come sooner or later.

tsukishima's mind lingered over these words whenever he played, awaiting this moment to come almost eagerly. the match was particularly hard - with ushijima wakatoshi as their opponent, the chances of winning were incredibly slim. every spike of his went through the block, his serves were absolutely killer, and his teammates did everything to deliver the ball to him at all costs.

what a hassle.

you noticed that his demeanor on the court changed from what it used to be. tsukishima seemed more invested now - almost as if he was trying to impress you, to keep his word. as happy as it made you, you were still anxious about the match and it's final score, hand shaky and a bit sweaty as your eyes followed the ball flying around from one side of the net to another.

another spike from ushijima, it'll probably be another point for shiratoriza-

and that's when you realized.

you saw the ball hit the ground on shiratorizawa's side of the net surprised gasps from everyone watching the match. you saw the shocked look on ushijima's face, the horror in the eyes of his teammates as the ball bounced off of the floor for the second, third, fourth time.

silence took over the court for just a mere second, quickly interrupted by tsukishima's triumphant scream.

he looked more than content with his performance. he looked... happy.

the rest of the boys joined him, screaming in unison. it was just one point, right? but for some reason, for both you and tsukishima, this one was worth a thousand.

for the first time in years, tsukishima kei felt that his spark for volleyball came back.

you noticed that his eyes were now focused on you, a full, cheeky smile gracing his face, and it only made you tear up. a short moment, probably insignificant for people around, but for the two of you it was like a breath of fresh air, like getting rid of the shackles that once held you in place, enabling you from moving forward.

'y/n, are you... alright?' coach ukai looked with his brows slightly furrowed, confused by your teary eyes and big grin plastered to your face.

'yeah, yeah, i'm fine. sorry, coach.' you mumbled, bowing a little as your eyes focused on the court. 'actually, could kiyoko replace me here for the rest of the match? i'm not quite feeling well.'

'tsukishima is injured.'

'what?' akiteru spoke in unison with you, terrified voices mixing together as you looked down from the stands to see the boy walking off of the court and rushing to the medical office along with kiyoko. your instincts took over you - feet moving on their own as you quickly ran towards the same place.

the two blondes followed right behind you, stopping only when in front of the door to the medical office, gasping for air after such a short run. as athletic as your boyfriend was, you were quite the opposite; getting tired after a little to no physical activity at times.

tsukishima saw your head peeking through the doorframe, a small smile on his face the moment he laid eyes on you.before you opened your mouth to say something, he already gave you an answer.

'yes, i feel fine.' he stated quietly, sitting down on the edge of a chair. 'you don't need to worry.'

'are you going back on court?' he only gave you a small nod in response, seemingly feeling better already as he stood up, his hand taped up.

you looked up at him, taking in the expression on his face, just how focused he already was. he looked almost as if he already had a plan to defeat shiratorizawa in this match. seeing him so eager to go back and play almost made you laugh a little - you swore you never saw him get this invested into something ever.

'go and win then.' you mumbled, patting him on the shoulder as he headed towards the gym hall.

'oh don't worry. we will.'

you couldn't stop the tears rolling down your cheeks as you saw karasuno emerge victorious from the hardest volleyball match they had to play this year, hugging yachi tightly as both of you celebrated the win of your team.

the triumphant screams filled the gym hall, the team emotional after doing what many deemed impossible. as most of them enjoyed themselves, not planning on leaving the euphoric state for a long while, tsukishima could only think of doing one thing - going to you.

you were the only person he truly wanted to celebrate with.

after the ceremony of getting the medals, to everyone's utmost shock, considering your relationship wasn't exactly public, tsukishima went up to you almost immediately, a cocky smile on his face as he ruffled your hair, looking down at you from behind his glasses.

'you didn't exactly look quite as content with your performance before getting the prize.' you mumbled, looking at the blonde haired boy with your head tilted to the side.

'well, i could've blocked more of ushijima's spikes.' he started, rolling his eyes at the sole idea of not being able to do that during today's match. 'i only managed to block one and-'

you decided to use the only method that was for sure going to shut him up in that moment, lightly grabbing him by the tshirt and pulling him closer, lips clashing for a split second in a short, sweet kiss.

'no talking down on yourself today, kei.' you said, unconsciously smiling as you saw his face getting red at what you just did, cheeks covered by a tomato-like red colour. 'i'm proud of you no matter what you think about today's match.'

he stood still for a few seconds, as if processing what had just happened seconds ago, the redness on his face deepening with each passing moment. his hand was quick to grab yours, almost dragging you away from the team and to a more private, less occupied area of the building.

'do that again.' he mumbled, after he finally led you to a quiet hallway.

'huh?'

'it was... nice.'

your eyes lit up, a cheeky smile gracing your face as you finally realized what he was on about.

'ohh, you want another kiss?' you said teasingly, eyes quickly glancing from his face down to his lips. he rolled his eyes, unamused by your act of playing dumb.

'come on, don't make me repeat myself.' still somewhat embarrassed of what he was asking for, tsukishima stood in one place, awaiting your next action.

a sigh left your lips as you took a step towards your boyfriend, standing on your tippy toes to be able to reach his face.

'alright. i guess you deserve it, match mvp.'

your arms were wrapped around his neck in no time as your lips gently touched his, tsukishima immediately kissing you back, hands positioned on your waist as you felt a smile creeping up on his face. he let out a short laugh, seeing your face being just as red as his was moments ago, hand reaching to squeeze yours.

'what?' you mumbled, as he hasn't spoken a word since breaking the kiss.

'that's surely the best prize i got today.'

taglist: @moonswolfie @wyrcan @kitsune-kita

[merakiui]

mera im curious...what is the most pathetic and desperate virgin concept u can come up with for any boys you choose in twst??

I have so many that I will try to write pathetic virgin concepts for each twst guy!!! >:)

✧ Riddle who gets off to your notes. It doesn't matter how messy or neat they may be, how filled or lacking the page may be, or even how useful they may be if the exam covering that material has already happened. He knows it's wrong to have pilfered your notebook, but he couldn't help it and he assured himself he'd give it back under the pretense of having found it (which isn't entirely a lie). He sits back in his chair and flips slowly through the pages, not particularly reading the material you've written, as he idly fucks into his hand and pictures diligent you, sitting in class and penning notes. There are doodles in the margins of the pages: cute flowers, smiley faces, hearts, what looks to be Grim. He thinks about how you hold your pen, how you might chew on the cap when you're bored, how your hands also touched this very notebook... Great Seven, he's a mess.

✧ Trey who is so strangely fixated on your teeth and mouth. At first it was cute because he's so serious about dental hygiene, what with how he ensures Ace and Deuce brush their teeth properly. But with you it's different. When you smile, he pictures your teeth in his shoulder or your mouth on his neck, pressing kisses or sucking fresh marks into his skin. And when you're eating, he notes the way you lick your fork or spoon clean every time and it gives him such a vivid image of you giving his dick the cutest, most gentle kitten licks. He has to excuse himself before anyone finds out he's painfully hard. >_<

✧ Cater who gets off to the many selfies and photos he's taken with and of you. Sometimes he scours the other students' Magicam accounts to look at the photos they've posted of you and his mind runs wild with thoughts and what-ifs. That photo of you sitting between the twins during their birthday party has him wondering if they fucked you on that very couch after the festivities had worn down. Or that photo of you and Kalim sopping wet after the both of you got caught in the rain... He's zooming in to see if the rain's made your uniform shirt see-through all while thinking about how you and Kalim may have warmed up. Cater can't seem to look at pictures of you without thinking about sex, and it's even worse when he sees the pictures he's taken of you and him. A spaghetti scene you recreated from a popular romance film has him imagining what could have happened had you just leaned in a little closer. Or that one alchemy mishap in which you were turned into a tiny fairy for the day... if he put you in a jar....... :)

✧ Ace who gets off on teasing you. They say partial truths often lie in the joke, and Ace sure does love joking about very specific things when it comes to you. He drives you mad every time, but because the two of you are close friends he gets away with it. He sticks his fingers in your mouth when you yawn to prod at your tongue, all while saying, "If you keep yawning like that, flies are gonna get in your mouth~" Or he'll squeeze your hip after you've eaten sweets just to mess with you. Or he compares your hand to his (for some odd reason) just so he can get away with touching you. Or he shows you a card trick that ends with him tucking the card behind your ear rather than pulling it from that area. His teasing feels more like flirting, but anyone who notes this is earned a swift denial from Ace.

✧ Deuce who gets off to the domestic moments in your friendship. Sharing a mirror in Ramshackle when he spends the night, preparing meals for each other, and even walking to class and talking about very boring things (like the weather). It makes him feel so special, and sometimes he pretends the two of you are a married couple. Deuce gets so embarrassed if anyone points this out, especially the elderly who see the two of you in town and comment on how cute you look together. He adamantly denies it, but later he's in the bathroom imagining married life with you and it gets him so worked up.

✧ Leona who gets off on the power imbalance between the two of you. Realistically speaking, he's stronger, both in terms of social class (after all, he's royalty) and also physically and financially. But that doesn't matter as much as it does when he's around you. Despite all of this, you know how to match Leona's wit, always keeping him on his toes, and you treat him as you would others even while knowing just how much power he has over you should he choose to exert it. Leona just likes the feeling of being number one in your world. Possibly a little too much, considering it never fails to get him excited. :)

✧ Ruggie who gets off on sneaking up on you. At first it was to pickpocket you. Steal spare change for himself or take your wallet just to watch you panic when you can't find it, but he's come to love the way you turn around just in time to catch him. He knows he does this on purpose solely to get caught, but seeing how you huff and glare lightheartedly at him... the way you purse your lips or the way you snatch your things back and laugh softly about how he ought to try again next time... He doesn't even care about your wallet anymore. He just wants to hunt you down and catch you for himself. You're the real prize here. <3

✧ Jack who gets off to your difference in size and strength. At first it wasn't something he thought of, but then you come to him and beg him to help open jars or stuck windows and he does it so easily. He refuses to believe you're struggling that hard with it, but then he watches you attempt to open a jar and it all clicks into place. Oh, you're...really cute and small and so fragile compared to him, who's all muscle and raw strength. Jack knows you have your own strengths and in no way does he think you're weak, but he's always reminded of your size and strength differences whenever the two of you are doing things together: training/sports, lifting heavy things (which are often very light to him), and even standing side by side. He thinks about how much bigger he is and he feels so flustered when those thoughts get him hard.

✧ Azul who gets off to your body language. He knows what it means; he's studied human customs well in advance before coming up to the surface. But oh you tempt him every single time you arch your back when you stretch or when you yawn and make such cute, sleepy sounds. It's even worse when you bend over to reach for something across a table or bend down to grab something that fell. He's digging his nails into his palms to steady himself, but that doesn't mean his thoughts are steady. He may look entirely composed with his usual smile, but in his mind you're getting fucked six ways from Sunday. You can't give this man any gifts because 1) he'll scramble to pay you back and 2) he'll delude himself into thinking it's a courting gesture and that you want him sooooo badly each time you offer him a snack from the school store or give him something you think he could get more use out of.

✧ Jade who gets off to your banter, especially the threats. Great Seven, you tell him you'll gut him and turn him into eel sushi and OOOOOO he's on the edge of his seat like: "yes...... and?? and????? what else will you do to me?????" all with the wildest, sharpest smile you've ever seen him make. He gets so worked up, so flushed in the face, so terribly aroused, every time you threaten him with anything. Yank him down to your height and mutter a threat, whether outlandish, violent, or something as silly as "I hope both sides of your pillow are hotter than hell," and he's saving these interactions in his memory for later recollection.

✧ Floyd who gets off on your praise. Call him a good boy or congratulate him on his test score or cheer for him at basketball practice and he's over the moon with excitement. He eats up your praise like it's his last meal. Say more good things to him! He wants to hear Shrimpy's praise every day, and when he's in a bad mood all it takes is the memory of you saying he's done well and he's back to his usual excitable self. He likes your praise a little too much, as evidenced by how hard it gets him. orz he spends too long thinking about it while he lies in bed, staring at the ceiling while he lazily strokes himself to thoughts of you calling him a good boy.

✧ Kalim who gets just a little too worked up at your proximity. He makes for such good best friend material. It's natural you'd be drawn to him because he's just so sweet and friendly. So it's completely normal when you spend the night at Scarabia and you end up falling asleep beside him in the common room, or when he feeds you outright because that's just how he is! He wants you to try all manner of yummy foods. It makes his heart race faster when your lips close around his fingers or you unconsciously snuggle up to him. He loves you so much. orz

✧ Jamil who loves your obedient nature. It has him horny gripping every time you scramble to do well on a test or in class so you won't upset the professors. You try to keep out of trouble because you're a good student, and he loves every bit of it. He wants to ruin you, take your obedience for the professors and twist it so that you'll only ever listen to him, follow what he says, trust in his words. He could just hypnotize you and maybe a sick part of him wants that. Maybe he wants to experience what an entirely obedient, cock-drunk (Name) is like...

✧ Vil who uses his professional opinions as a way to feel you up. He runs his hands up your sides to smooth wrinkles in your uniform out, all while reminding you to take care of your appearance. He fixes your tie just to get close enough to smell your perfume or shampoo. He loves how you lean into him, trusting his judgement because Vil could never lead you astray. Secretly, Vil's just getting away with every touch under the guise of giving you advice or fixing your uniform or even getting measurements for tailored outfits for school events. It's much too easy.

✧ Rook who, unsurprisingly, gets off on stalking you. He's such a creep! He watches you from afar and gets hard over the smallest things. It's likely because you're so vulnerable and unaware when you go about your daily life and he gets to invade such a secret slice of your life. Whether you know he's watching you or not, it doesn't matter. Just the idea that, on some level, you might be able to feel his prying eyes gets him so unfathomably excited.

✧ Epel who loves a good competition and gets so into it if it's a competition between you and him. Whether it's something athletic or academic, he's always ready to engage in a friendly competition with you. Unfortunately, when you smirk at him and tell him he'll need to give it his all, he gets excited in...other areas. To think all it took was some competitive banter and your smirk to have the blood rushing downwards... T_T if he loses this competition, is the punishment a make-out session? Epel can certainly dream.

✧ Idia who is too scared to talk to you in person, so he codes a Magicord bot he uses as a practice dummy. But then things get a little out of hand when innocent chats turn explicit and soon he's role-playing with the false you. Idia knows it's not real, but it feels real when you tell him all the things he wants to hear. It's shameless e-sex, but it's the best (and only) e-sex of Idia's life. ;;;; he feels immensely embarrassed afterwards.

✧ Malleus who gets off on your smiles. It's such an innocent thing, but then it has him thinking so deeply about it late into the night. You're so sweet and precious. He could picture your smiles all day... Malleus loves you more than words can possibly describe. He thinks about the little things that make you so wonderful, but most of all it's how expressive you are when you smile. Sometimes he has a habit of letting his thoughts stray into intimate fantasies, but it's nothing terrible. He wants to love you wholeheartedly; that includes physically.

✧ Lilia who gets off on surprising you and subverting your expectations. He finds it so darling when you have certain assumptions about him, only to be entirely wrong when he disproves them. Though he's oh-so-cute (a fact he would never deny), there's more beneath that adorable veneer. He's a mysterious who loves popping in to startle you when you least expect it. Be it in the library or in the halls, he always finds you. And your shock is a sight he drinks in merrily.

✧ Silver who is so enthralled by everything about you, so no matter what you do it always makes him feel so in love and fluffy. He's never known this sort of love before, but he's always so honest about his feelings and so his attraction to you wouldn't be any different. You could be napping peacefully in class and Silver's watching you from across the room with the softest, sweetest smile on his face. He thinks about you day and night; you even fill his dreams. Most of it is entirely normal and innocent, but then all it takes is for someone to suggest something less-than-pure about you and suddenly Silver's thoughts are derailing. Oh, he's never thought about sex before. But sex with you? That seems very appealing, so much so that he's feeling much hotter than before. ;;;;

✧ Sebek who, in spite of everything, gets off to the fact that you're human. There's just something so...appealing to you. He struggles to put it into words (and he almost doesn't want to), but you're so soft and sweet and enticing. Maybe Sebek secretly likes your being human because it makes you seem weaker by some strange default? But then he dwells on this and that doesn't seem to be the reason. Truthfully, Sebek likes your humanity because it's charming. Because there's something about you that feels and smells different. Maybe it's because you're the first human to make him feel so aroused that he deems you worthy of his own affections, or maybe he's just hopelessly, pathetically in love with all of the things that make you human and he's trying so hard to deny that.

✧ Rollo who gets off to your scent. Maybe it's a perfume you wear or maybe it's your natural scent. Whatever it is, he's carefully borrowing insignificant items that smell just like you so that he can hold them up to his nose while he masturbates. You're just so perfect and your scent drives him crazy and he feels like a filthy pervert each time he does this, but it's too late to stop. He's already in so deep. Just your scent alone has him shuddering through messy orgasms; imagine what you'd do to him if you were here in person and he got to touch you...

✧ Neige who gets off to indirect kisses. When you share a spoon or bite from the same snack, his pulse is racing at the prospect of having indirectly kissed you. He's so eager and excited that he has to try so hard not to let his face get so flushed with arousal. And you're so relaxed about it! You're so cool... He could admire you forever. <3

✧ Che'nya who gets off on watching you when he's invisible. It gets him hard every time he catches you in an intimate or compromising situation. Whether you're bathing or changing or masturbating, it makes it all the more tempting when he's completely invisible and you have no idea someone else is in the room with you. He's thought about pressing himself against you when you least expect it just to feel you flinch or to hear your breath hitch. And then there's the thought of fucking you when he's invisible, where you'll only see yourself stretching around a cock that isn't visible to your eye. >:)

[coraniaid]

The scene where Willow confronts Faith is Choices is kind of fascinating to me, because ... well.

I like Choices quite a lot, and I think Willow's dislike of Faith is perfectly understandable and in character (and her speech has some fun but probably not intentional foreshadowing for later seasons), but it's hard not to notice that the narrative expects you to be rather more unambiguously on Willow's side than I think is really warranted.

I mean, Willow might not have been the most popular girl in high school, but she has multiple close friends, a nice boyfriend, a stable [and fairly comfortably middle-class] home life, she "represents the pinnacle of achievement in Sunnydale High" in the words of her school's principal, she's trusted enough to teach at the school, in a year she'll be able to go to any college she wants (and, unlike some people, she can afford to go anywhere she wants), she used to hack into government computer databases (before she ever met Buffy!) and now she's teaching herself dark magic "for fun" and she hasn't [yet] ever suffered any real repercussions for either of those things.

On the other hand, from what little we hear about Faith's past we know she grew up poor and that her mother used to get drunk and beat her, that she didn't have any friends and dropped out of high school young, she is very strongly implied on multiple occasions to have been the victim of some pretty horrific abuse before being called as a Slayer, and after being called as a Slayer she got to watch the one adult who ever told her she mattered get killed horribly in front of her before fleeing across the country to a town where she doesn't know anybody, still has no friends, doesn't have a job or go to school and lives alone in a motel in the bad part of town. And when she accidentally killed a man, while trying to do the whole slaying vampires thing she's supposed to be doing, the Watcher's Council -- who never actually bothered to send her a new Watcher of her own -- decided to have her abducted and dragged away to England [a fate which surely nobody deserves].

Yet a part of Willow clearly thinks (and almost outright says) "oh, well, yeah, but she hangs out with Buffy sometimes when I don't get to and she slept with the guy -- not my nice boyfriend! -- who I used to have a crush on (and who I was briefly cheating on said boyfriend with), so it's clearly impossible to say which of us really had things worse and I don't need to feel sorry for her". And -- again, while this is great characterisation for Willow -- it's kind of hard not to notice that the writers think she has a compelling point.

Yes, sure, Faith has defected to working for the Mayor and has a knife drawn on Willow this scene (she's not anything like a blameless victim at this point of the story) and it takes a certain level of physical bravery for Willow to stand up for herself despite that. But ... I mean, come on. "You had friends like Buffy" is only true if you accept it to mean "you had exactly one friend, who was Buffy". "It's way too late" for Faith to seek forgiveness ... how many people has Faith killed at this point? One, by mistake? Giles has killed more people than that. "Some people think you had a lot of bad breaks?" Yeah, actually in Faith's shoes I'd want to hit Willow after she said that too.

I realize that part of the show's central thesis -- something that explicitly came up as recently as Earshot -- is the idea that everybody, regardless of how comfortable their life might seem from the outside, has their own sorrow and pain and (only occasionally metaphorical) demons to fight. But while that's not entirely wrong, it's also ... not entirely complete? Everyone has it bad sometimes, but some people really do have it worse than others. Pretending otherwise is ... not a serious position to take.

Willow's life could be better, but she's not gone through anything like Faith has. I'd argue she literally can't imagine how bad Faith's life has been. She really doesn't have as much moral authority as the show's writers think she has at this point.

[Compare this part of Season 3 with the first half of Season 6, when the show is overflowing with sympathy for Willow's abrupt descent into magic addiction but has no sympathy at all for Amy Madison, whose own magic addiction is just implied to be because she's inherently a Bad Person who Willow needs to avoid and whose own horrific past and abusive mother and complete lack of support system is just entirely forgotten about. Or, indeed, to the weird take of Dead Man's Party, which has Buffy apologize to Willow for ... what? Having problems of her own that don't revolve around Willow? Being too busy mourning the loss of everything she ever cared about to tell Willow how uniquely special and amazing she was for learning rudimentary magic? Not being grateful enough for Willow restoring Angel's soul without bothering to ask Buffy if that was something she still wanted her to try?]

So, the overall effect is ... yeah, it's a good scene. But it's almost a good scene despite the writer's intentions, not because of them. It's much less of an ambiguously triumphant moment for WIllow than I believe we're meant to read it as.

[p1utofairy]

PICK A CARD

“kissin’ and hope they caught us.”

what will a night out with your future partner be like?

disclaimer ✩: 18+ mature themes. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. this is my early thanksgiving gift to y’all 💗 i’m so thankful for the constant support and feedback idk how many times i can say it lol but thank you. enjoy and have a great holiday!

PILE i.

i can see you two in a club/party setting. the music is so loud it's pulsing through your veins, it's not usually your scene, but your person is right by your side holding you close. their hand is resting slightly on your back/waist guiding you through the crowd — i feel like they'll smell really good too they have a distinct fragrance on that's comforting to you. i feel like you'll be so giddy and excited to be outside with them and be seen together. lots of heads will turn for sure. i feel like y'all are a power couple…like looking at you two walking in together just makes sense but it also triggers jealousy and disbelief in other people? you and your person may come from different backgrounds or have different aesthetics but y’all pair together very well. they’re gonna be looking so smug lollll your person is the silent but confident type, like having you on their arm will shut everybody up and they’ll love it. this person could be very popular or well-known in their profession…i'm getting a serena van der woodsen type of vibe so people can definitely be infatuated with them. you might not even like dancing but you will with them! you're gonna be on cloud 9 the whole night, pile 1. some of you might not smoke or drink but you’ll feel high/drunk off them the entire night it’s so cute! u are my high by dj snake and future vibes for sure.

PILE ii.

the atmosphere is sensual af, pile 2. it's giving the vibe of a private dinner at an upscale restaurant/bar or hotel. your person planned this out very meticulously, and they managed to pull it off without you knowing too many details. you’ll be so happy to be sitting across from them and enjoying their company — i feel like you both don't always have the time to just sit and unwind because you both have very demanding jobs/schedules. i see you two flirting a lot with your eyes and smiling so big…the energy is very warm and playful. the sexual tension will be very thick between the two of you lol they might make comments throughout the night about how good you look. the lighting seems very dim and red seems to be the major theme so you could be wearing a red dress, they might give you a bouquet of red roses, their shirt might be red — idk it's something along those lines lol the color red is just significant for some reason. the food, their company, and the ambiance will be 100000/10 and the night won't stop there 😮‍💨 cause when they get you back home? soon as i get home by faith evans just came to mind LOL yeah they’re going to want to make up for lost time and please you in any and every way that they can. OKAYYY PILE 222.

PILE iii.

ah this is my introverted pile! i don't think you get out much, pile 3. if you do it's usually because someone begged you to come out and socialize or you pushed yourself to go. you like having your own space and privacy, and sometimes it's a bit overwhelming having to constantly socialize and be around a whole bunch of people that may not mesh with you. i think that your person will be receptive to this, and will take baby steps to get you out of your shell. they’d take you somewhere where you can relax and be comfortable like a drive-in movie theater or maybe somewhere in nature…it's somewhere you both can be alone and in your own bubble tuning out the rest of the world. i can see them holding you close and you’re leaned back against them just so content and reveling in the precious moment. it’s a night you’ll never forget because you’ll realize just how much they mean to you, and how far you’ve come in this connection. it's reminding me of that picture of ariana grande and mac miller at coachella. so so cute.

PILE IV.

y'all are that cute couple that ride for each other, okay!!! y'all will be so in loveeeeeee my GOSH the passion and desire will be so heavy and evident between you two. lana and asap rocky in the ‘national anthem’ music video vibes — it's like that bad boy meets good girl trope. i feel like this person would want to take you places you’ve never been before…they’d want to get all dressed up in fancy clothes and go out on the town with you. there'd be multiple activities in one night. omg they're so spontaneous it'd feel never-ending! you two will be so giddy around each other lol always cracking jokes and laughing about any and everything. i don’t think that it matters where they take you per se, pile 4. you will have the time of your life regardless. they just know how to light up every room that they walk in and ensure that everyone is having a good time! it's so cute and refreshing, ugh. they're going to really sweep you off your feet. they might have a really nice car and you’ll love being a ✨passenger princess✨ LMFAO they might tease you about it too. this person will be your best friend just as much as they are your true love.

[riverlarking]

what i use: potplayer for capturing frames photoshop cs6 (can find it for free here or in other links on the tag) qbittorrent torrenting sites (this, this, eventually this) sharpening action arial rounded mt bold for subtitles

assuming you know how to torrent, if possible download what you want to gif in 1080p or the highest possible resolution etc etc

frames

open video in potplayer, go to the moment you want to gif and go back a couple frames (10-20) from when you want your gif to start (i usually just spam press D a bunch) (to see which key you have to press to go back on frames, right click > jump (to) > previous frame

now press CTRL+G or open frame capturing through right click > video > video capture > capture consecutive images...

my settings for capturing frames

(important to turn off subtitles before doing this or they'll be captured on the image too)

the folders i save it to -> i created a bunch of frame folders that i fill up since the way frames load in my photoshop require me to load an entire folder into it. so i capture an entire gifset's frames into one folder and then load up the entire thing

press 'start' on the consecutive image capturer, then start playing the video (best to mute it since the video might start playing slower), wait until the part you want to gif is over and stop the video, press CTRL+G again to stop the capturing

2. photoshop

depending on your photoshop you can either 'load files into stack...', which opens up a folder and you can manually choose which frames you want to load, or 'load multiple dicom files..." (what i have to do), where you select an entire folder to load its contents into photoshop

once you do either of those things, you got this

now click 'create frame animation' on the bottom

now we click on the three bars and 'make frames from layers'

!! if you loaded up frames with 'load frames into stack...' at this point you also have to click 'reverse frames' since they load in reverse order with this method for some reason

now we got our frames on a timeline and delete anything you dont want in your gif. if you have frames for multiple gifs on the timeline, go to image > duplicate and duplicate for however many gifs you got and delete the unnecessary frames from each one

crop tool, type in dimensions up top (in accordance with tumblr's dimension graph, so if you want a wide gif like the one on the top of this post keep it 540px). i usually crop my gifs to between 540x400 and 540x500. once centered on how you want to crop, press enter or double click on the image to crop

press ALT+CTRL+I or go to image > image size... to resize

open the actions tab if you don't have it already open, go to 'load actions...' and find where you saved the sharpening action you downloaded from the top of this post

i only use "all in one (sharper)" and "convert to animation (frames)", but unchecked the "canvas size" option on the latter one since we resized the gif ourselves

select 'select all layers current layer' on the action (the other steps we already did) and press play

our gif frames will turn into a group so now go to "convert to animation (frames)" and press play again

this will pop up at the end, leave it at 0.05 (maybe 0.06 if the gif is going too fast)

if we were to export the gif now it would look like this

now comes the coloring, which is personal preference. the reason i chose hannibal for this gifset is to show the white balance tool that works great in tinted scenes

open a 'levels' layer and selected the bottom eyedropper. then click it on a place on the gif that should be white but isn't (i clicked on hannibal's shirt collar). the gif coloring will change accordingly

then pick the top eyedropper and click on anything that should be black but isn't (you can click on multiple places and see how the color changes, keep trying until you find one that looks good)

the coloring difference with just those two clicks

and then the coloring is up to you, i usually just add more levels layers and color balance

here's all of the layers i applied to color this

VERY IMPORTANT to get into the habit of selecting those two thingies on each layer you apply (on the subtitle text layer select all three) so that the coloring stays the same on all frames

difference

+ subtitles settings using the text tool

shadow and stroke to make your subtitles readable

saving the gif. click ALT+SHIFT+CTRL+S or go to file > save for web... here are my settings

that's it

[catmask]

genuine question – and i hope it doesn't come as weird – but how do get into...pokemon? </3

pokemon universe feels so big and there are so many games and i really like their designs – both for pokemons and trainers – making ocs in this setting would be so cool but i have no idea how to. begin!

could you give some advice?

ps leaving compliments for your comic and art in general!! i really like how your pieces are so colorful! gives the vibes of some small but cozy and fun town in a videogame..

no worries!! it seriously depends on what you are interested in - gamewise, region wise, and story wise.

heres what i can say. if you like typical top-down style pixel art rpg games where you solve tile puzzles and build a little team of monsters, any of the games before x and y is a good choice. platinum is a great introduction to the series because it doesn't baby you but is still decently difficult, heartgold/soulsilver are the 'coziest' games imo but may spoil you because of how much content there is, black/white and black/white 2 are the most story-driven of the games and bw2 is probably the longest play of all the games. emerald is also great, but its genuinely a hard game even as someone whos been a fan of the series for years. i would say to start with hgss because they're my favorites, but they're so good it might raise the bar too high for all the other games pixel-art games.

if you prefer 3D graphics, but still like the 'run around catching guys and solving tile puzzles', i think sun and moon are the best of the 3D games! the story is engaging and a little more modernized so that there are actual cut scenes, i think the pokemon available are cute and the region is really pretty. i thikn after that, x and y is pretty cute! the story is less strong in comparison to sun/moon. importantly; every game in the 3D era has a new type that was not present in the pixel art era - the fairy type, so if you want to learn the MODERN type chart and balances, the 3D games are where you'd need to start.

finally, if you're not a fan of the 'catch pokemon run around region' type games, pokemon has a LOT of really awesome spin off games. my favorites are as follows...

pokemon mystery dungeon explorers of sky. its the strongest story the pokemon company has ever written, and im a big fan of the mystery dungeon style gameplay.

pokemon ranger (any ranger game!) the story and graphics are cute, and it focuses on rescuing/rehabilitating pokemon more than capturing them. really lovely expansion of the pokemon universe.

pokemon go, because its free! so if you dont want to download a rom, or sink money into a new franchise, its an easy way to get into it.

pokemon snap - this was actually my very first pokemon game i ever played! (never owned it though heha) but there was just a remake for the switch, if you've got a switch that is. the game focuses on photographing pokemon in their natural habitat, and its really quite cute. slow paced and fun if you're not sure about battling yet.

finally... if you weren't looking to get into games at all, pokemon art + fan creations are personally my favorite things in the entire fandom! artists and writers and fangame devs are the people who hold this fandom up, engaging with their creations is a great and typically free way to involve yourself... im sorry this is so long, i hope this helps!! and ppl are free to add on to this hehe

[hvlcy0n]

BETTER THAN ME . choji tomiyama x fem! reader

+ choji doesn’t understand what’s so great about your stupid boyfriend, but then it turns out that he’s even worse than choji imagined.

+ 5k words

+ SFW (account is 18+). UNEDITED. toxic relationship. infidelity. pining. reader’s feelings are ambiguous b/c of choji’s pov.

+ the dimensions of choji’s character are so interesting. like yeah umemiya might've rewired his brain but there's no way that early season one choji just VANISHED entirely. like he might be boyish and happy-go-lucky but he's still gotta be a little fucked up and selfish somewhere. i hope i at least landed somewhere on the target with this one, even if it's the veryyyyy edge.

choji despises your boyfriend.

everything was so much simpler—so much better—when you occupied a permanent spot at his side, your presence a comforting constant in the mayhem of his daily life. although you never donned shishitoren’s trademark yellow jacket, you were its backbone behind the scenes, a pillar of support that grounded choji and kept him tethered to reality so that he could continue serving as a proper leader. he trusted you implicitly, whether it was to catch him when he impetuously launched himself into your arms or to offer an unbiased opinion on his dilemmas. 

it was no wonder that he eventually caught feelings for you. he wasn’t sure when the shift happened—when the sight of the soft smile painting your lips and your skin bathed in sunlight first made his eyes widen and his heart thrum in his chest; when his first instinct at a whiff of danger became ensuring he was planted between you and whoever he perceived as a threat; or when he first found his gaze lingering on your petal–soft lips as you chattered on about nothing in particular. but, it happened. 

he initially intended to test his luck as soon as possible, but togame was quick to reel him in, lazily advising him to back off and let his feelings settle so that he wouldn’t cause unnecessary friction. he knew how choji could get when a pretty girl piqued his interest and how it would be a brief whirlwind of ecstasy, coquettish touches, and shiny novelty before it would inevitably fizzle out. relationships weren’t really choji’s thing—he itched for excitement and adrenaline, and his attention span was limited. even you knew that. while he could be a good friend and strong leader, being a proper lover was something else entirely. 

but, unlike the other girls that choji would go for, you were already so cemented into choji’s life that togame was concerned that pursuing his little cat–and–mouse games and temporary infatuation would upend your bond entirely and knock choji off balance if things went south. you, on the other hand, were a sharp contrast to choji. you were never one to entertain fleeting attention or allow yourself to get attached to someone with the knowledge that it won’t last. even if choji’s confession didn’t make things awkward, togame reasoned that you’ve witnessed so many of choji’s flings come and go that you likely wouldn’t even take his feelings into consideration. 

that was the downside to your close friendship, after all—you’ve personally shaken hands with every skeleton in choji’s closet, and that was something that could not be undone.

begrudgingly, choji obeyed. but, much to togame’s surprise, choji’s feelings did not waver when left unattended to. nothing about his emotions were transient, as his best friend had suspected. if anything, his taste for you intensified, pluming into an electric, white–hot craving that drew him into your orbit like a papery moth to flame. the thought of calling you his not only sparked a sense of exhilaration, but it also plucked at the strings of his heart and caused a ticklish warmth to seep through his entire body. 

this was different. choji didn’t just want to have you—he wanted to keep you. and before he knew it, fantasies began to permeate his thoughts. he relished the idea of showing up at your house unannounced for a sleepover and making chocolate chip cookies with you at midnight, of tagging along with you for your errands and dragging you with him for his, of being able to kiss and cuddle you simply because he wanted to, of feeling the weight of your gaze on him and only him.

it didn’t matter if you wished to swallow him whole—to engulf him in his entirety and dissolve him into ash. in fact, the thought alone was enough to make him shiver with anticipation.

he had to have you.

choji was never one to shy away from achieving his goals, so he became bolder with his touches, finding new reasons to casually have his hands somewhere on your body. the stray pinky that “accidentally” landed beneath the hem of your shirt when he grabbed you to startle you; the hands that rested on your stomach and waist just long to toe the line of platonic affection when he lunged to wrap you in one of his usual bear hugs; the way he would press up against you in bustling public areas because of course, there’s no space—he slowly pushed your boundaries, nudging you closer and closer to the edge. testing the waters. searching for any sign of rejection.

he delighted in the way you received his affections in stride. it was a positive sign, he thought—the way your eyebrows would raise in incredulity and your eyes would darken in disdain whenever a man would try to worm his way into casually touching you was never lost on choji. yet, there you were, giggling and chiding him lightly when he would nearly bowl you over or skip rings around you in his excitement to see you.

you never pushed him away. a tingle would shoot down his spine whenever you’d give his hair a congratulatory ruffle or hurriedly snatch him up by the back of his jacket and pull him closer to you to keep him from wandering into someone’s path. he wanted—no, needed—more of it. 

as far as he was concerned, you liked him. 

so, what the fuck happened?

choji’s progress came to a screeching halt one overcast afternoon when you popped up at a group hangout with some random guy he’s never seen before in tow. at first, choji believed he was a fan of shishitoren who you just happened to stumble upon with how eager he’d been to shake hands with choji. he was amicable and outgoing, introducing himself as “kenji” before proceeding to compliment choji’s sneakers and jacket.

at first, choji was welcoming toward the attention and spoke with him genially. but the light in his eyes flickered when he watched you sidle up to kenji and lock your arm around his own with a content smile. why were you so chummy with him? in choji’s eyes, he was plain and forgettable, without a single striking feature that would set him apart from the crowd. he was such a stark contrast to you that the possibility of you two dating was so far beyond reality that choji assumed you just had a wacky family tree. 

so, when you planted a kiss on his cheek and introduced kenji as your new boyfriend, choji’s entire body froze, and all he could manage was a monotonous “huh?” after a few seconds of silence. 

your boyfriend?

your boyfriend?

your boyfriend?

the shift in choji’s demeanor was palpable, the glow in his eyes dimming entirely as a shadow of bitterness and thinly veiled distaste settled over his amber irises. the group, noting the sudden souring of the atmosphere, observed choji with a restless unease as he stood there in silence. you were too distracted to notice, cheerful voice cleaving through the thick, heavy silence as you launched into a condensed version of how the two of you had met. but, choji didn’t hear a word you said. he was preoccupied with staring at the man you’d dragged up to him, gaze calculating and curious as it swept over him from head to toe. 

he didn’t understand.

why did you choose someone like him?

you were self–sufficient and valued a sense of ambition in the people you chose to associate yourself with. however, whereas choji at least had goals, kenji was revealed to not only be unemployed but to also not have even an inkling of an achievement he wished to attain. normally, choji would’ve understood someone’s decision to simply “vibe.” it wasn’t even that long ago when all he wanted to do was laugh and have fun, but it was different coming from him.

what’s worse, as choji’s gaze drifted over his physique, he became positive that if push came to shove, he would be too weak to even hope to protect you. what good would he be as a boyfriend if he wasn’t even strong enough to ensure your safety? would he even be willing to take a beating for you if he knew he was outmatched? probably not. you’d need someone to walk you home at night and watch your back, especially in this area. choji could do it. of course, he could.

but, there was still something unsettling about him that choji could certainly sense but couldn’t place. at the time, togame had thought he was only reacting that way because he’d beaten him to the punch, but choji was positive that something was off. and he did not like it.

what did you see in him?

the next couple months of choji’s life were dreadful. it was as if you’d been stripped from his life, your sudden absence leaving a gaping hole that he couldn’t manage to fill. you started spending all of your time with kenji, abandoning choji in your wake and leaving him to flop pitifully around on his couch and search for some way to temporarily alleviate the sting. you were hardly around anymore, and whenever he did see you, you were hanging off this guy’s arm like some decorative arm candy and smiling like he was the greatest thing since fucking sliced bread. it was infuriating.

if only he hadn’t listened to togame. if only he’d approached you first. if only he’d taken the leap. if only, if only, if only—all of these fucking missed opportunities. what was he doing? choji was always a risk–taker, someone who would shamelessly pursue their goals and plunge headfirst into the fray. why was he just sitting here?

there had to be something wrong with kenji—something choji could use to his advantage to convince you to dump him.

and by the grace of whatever higher being watching over him, choji’s prayers were answered. 

free of the rose–tinted lenses that obscured your gaze, choji was able to take note of certain behaviors that slowly began to appear once you two hit the three–month mark. the superficial, forced undertone to kenji’s smile as he listened to you talk, the way you’d often complain about him reading your texts but taking hours to respond, how nonchalant he became about asking to borrow money from you—all of it made choji’s chest swell with an odd combination of relief and anger. 

he could be perceptive when it counted, and it was as if his eyes were finally able to pierce straight through kenji’s facade and perceive him for who he truly was beneath the meticulously curated persona he’d stitched together for himself. 

and choji was right.

he didn’t deserve you.

choji could see it in the faint, dark crescents sunken into the skin below your eyes and the sorrowful distance in your gaze whenever you would occasionally zone out. that bastard was whittling you down, slowly yet steadily siphoning your energy straight from your body. all of the “borrowed” money that was never returned; the new fluctuations in kenji’s mood that would spike from mellow to angry whenever he didn’t get his way, only for him to later placate you with affection and gifts and beguile you into apologizing for upsetting him; the gradual increase in his influence over what clothes you wore—you were being reduced to an empty shell of yourself.

it was even worse when choji finally snapped and began to openly complain about your boyfriend, vehemently pointing out why you should leave him, and you resisted. frustrated tears glimmered in your eyes as you insisted that you were “just going through a rough patch,” and that things would get better soon. after all, when you’d been cast out and reeled in so many times it made your head spin, all you could do was wait to be invited back into his arms, just like always. 

after all, it wasn’t as if he’d cheated on you, you’d argued. that would be unforgivable. according to you, he was still a good boyfriend, just emotional and insecure, which were issues that could be remedied through effort. disloyalty had always been a dealbreaker for you in both friendships and relationships, and it was only choji’s luck that it was the one thing that piece of shit hadn’t failed at.

it wasn’t fucking fair.

choji was certain this would never be an issue if you’d chosen him. why can’t you see that even now?

you’d begged choji to give him a chance and hang out with him just once, and he’d see that kenji wasn’t so horrible after all. after all, kenji seemed to really like choji. at first, choji was adamant that he wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, but all of his whining and griping and foot stomping were no match for the teary, pleading look in your eyes. he finally agreed, but only on the condition that you would go with him to get ice cream afterward—without kenji. 

that was enough to satisfy you, so you arranged for the two of them to meet, both of them settling on a little diner in the seedy area of town. it just so happened that togame had business along the same street, so choji excitedly proposed that they walk together and then split off to their respective buildings. however, when togame agreed, he didn’t realize that he would be subjected to another one of choji’s rants about how much better he is than kenji for the duration of their journey.

“this is so unfair!” choji complains, crushing a weed peeking from a crack in the sidewalk beneath the sole of his sneaker. he turns on his heel to face togame, who’s quietly strolling along three paces behind choji with his hands tucked inside his jacket pockets. “don’t you think so, kame–chan?” he walks backward, doing his best to keep up with his friend’s ambling pace. “why should i have to go? i already know i don't like him, and i’m not gonna change my mind.” spinning to face forward once more, he uses his momentum to kick an empty aluminum can laying in his path, sending it careening down the pavement. "'s stupid."

“you’re going because you can’t tell her no.” togame remarks teasingly.

“nuh-uh! since when?” choji scrunches his nose. “i’m only going so i can check this guy out for myself."

“no, you’re not.” he shakes his head. “if you were, you wouldn’t have dragged your feet for twenty minutes and complained the entire time.”

“‘cause he’s weird!” choji insists. “i don’t really know exactly what it is, but there’s something off about him. i don’t like the way he looks at her. it makes me feel all gross.” 

“he’s her boyfriend.”

“well, he shouldn’t be!” choji shoves his hands into the pockets of his shishitoren jacket. “ever since he’s been around, she’s looked like death.” his eyes narrow slightly, the boyish tone to his voice quieting into something sobering, something serious. “she’s different, kame–chan, and i don’t know what to do. she won’t listen to me no matter what i say.” he grumbles the last sentence.

“i know what you mean,” togame hums. “unfortunately, she’s in pretty deep. i’m not sure there’s much you can do.”

“what's so cool about him, anyway? choji huffs. “i’m way stronger than him, especially after ume–chan taught me how to make my fists heavier. i can keep her safe from all the weird, creepy guys. and she thinks i’m funny.”

“initiative, probably.” he muses.

“hey!” choji barks out, pointing an accusatory finger in togame’s face. “you were the one who told me i should wait! i was gonna make a move.”

for a moment, togame is silent as he reflects on their previous conversation. “oh,” he murmurs, eyebrows raising in realization, “i guess i did. sorry, man.”

choji sighs theatrically and stretches both arms above his head. “nah, it’s cool.” he folds his hands behind his head. “it just pisses me off.” he mumbles. “i wish there was a way i could just break them up. she’d be way better off without him leeching off her.”

“choji,” a low warning rumbles in togame’s chest.

“huh? c’mon, you know i’m right!” 

“i agree,” togame sighs, “but you can’t just run around interfering with people’s relationships.”

“well, yeah, duh. but this is different.” choji argues. when togame doesn’t look convinced, he presses on. “he never texts her back, he’s always borrowing money, and i don’t like the way he talks to her.” he ticks off the list on his fingers before shoving all three fingers in togame’s peripheral. “that’s three strikes, kame–chan. three."

togame nudges his hand aside. “i didn’t realize you were suddenly the king of relationships.” he snorts, and choji frowns, catching his dig at his past romances. “so, you got a plan?”

ah, a plan. he didn’t get that far.

choji practically deflates. “i mean, not really . . .” but then, he comes back to life the next moment, eyes gleaming. “but i’ll think of one!”

togame chuckles and reaches over to ruffle his friend’s hair. “yeah, you might have to wait this one out.” 

choji sighs heavily and returns his attention to his surroundings. he’s never been fond of this area, which was home to various pubs, run–down motels, and sordid love hotels; but kenji suggested the diner in the vicinity, and choji truly didn’t care where the two of them ended up. but, the more he considered it, the more curious he was about such a decision. is it some kind of a set–up? he sure hopes not; he’s wearing his brand new sneakers, and blood is too dark to blend in with the bright red fabric. at least he'll get there early enough to be able to scope the place out beforehand.

“ugh, i hate this place.” choji grumbles, scrunching his nose.

“me too,” togame admits. “‘s a shame that the only place they sell that limited edition ramune is smack in the middle of all this.” he gestures loosely to the towering buildings around them. “oh, yeah, turn left at the next corner. we’re still a couple blocks away.”

choji nods. “got it. but anyway, just buy a bunch of ‘em all at once,” he advises. “it’ll be easier that way, and you won’t have to come back as often! oh, oh! that reminds me! did you know that—”

“wait.” togame’s footsteps cease abruptly, and choji slows to a halt with him, puzzled.

“what’s up? something wrong?”

for a moment, togame stays silent, but choji takes note of the way his brows knit together and his eyes flicker to and fro as if attempting to comprehend the scene unfolding before him. “the hell is that?” he nods at something across the street, and choji curiously follows his line of sight.

no way.

no way, no way.

choji’s eyes widen in surprise when he spots kenji ducking out of some filthy alley a little way down the street, tailed by a dainty blonde who giggles and tugs at the hem of her denim miniskirt as if trying to smooth out the fabric. his heart pounds as he witnesses kenji hook a hand around her waist to draw her in and whisper something in her ear. there is nothing platonic about their embrace or the way the girl gazes up at him through her lashes, which means no chance of mistaking this as a friendship.

as choji stands there, not daring to breathe and the incessant throb of his heart echoing in his ears, a moment of clarity washes over him.

kenji is cheating on you.

a tangle of emotions engulfs choji’s mind. at first, there’s disbelief. in one fell swoop, it swallows him up like a torrent of icy water, shocking him down to the bone and causing a numbing sensation to bleed through his stiff body all the way to his extremities. all he can do is stand there motionlessly, processing. he can’t believe the irony of the situation—the opportunity that just tumbled its way into his lap. to be practically handed proof of the one thing that choji needs to have your boyfriend kicked out of your life—he almost can’t believe it.

once he realizes the truth of the situation, an effervescent, ticklish flood of joy sweeps away the stupefaction. he was right all along. a huff of incredulous laughter is kicked from his chest, a wide, cheshire smile spreading over his lips. he was right. he knew kenji was a shitty boyfriend. he knew he wasn’t the one for you. you had to break up with him now!

but, before long, his smug grin begins to wither as anger sets in. it’s a slow crescendo. lava wells in the pit of his stomach, bubbling and roiling and churning as it begins to rise higher and higher, scorching him from the inside out until heat thrums beneath his skin and any remaining glee is set ablaze. kenji is cheating on you. how could he? how dare he? suddenly, choji’s fingertips itch for a fight, hands balling into fists at his sides. 

he doesn’t even register that his body has launched itself forward until togame’s hand is clamping down on his wrist with an iron grip, halting him in his tracks and bringing him back down to earth. “whoa! you can’t just go chargin’ in.” togame flinches at the fire in choji’s eyes when he snaps his head around to glare at him, but he still doesn’t release him. 

“let go.” choji’s voice is monotonous, but the energy vibrating in his body is anything but.

“i’m doin’ you a favor here, man.” togame keeps his voice low to keep kenji from noticing them. “listen. if you go runnin’ up and knock his lights out, he’ll just go cryin’ back to her, and she’ll drop you for good. you need proof.”

proof.

there’s a beat of silence before choji snaps out of it, his indignation tempered by a sudden wash of lucidity as he realizes that togame is right. “ah . . . oh! good thinking. uh . . . a picture!” the idea flashes through his mind, and he hastily looks to his friend. “quick, take a picture!” he urges, having now returned to his usual exuberant self. “before they stop being all mushy!”

“uh . . . wait, okay.” blanching in the face of a time crunch, togame finally lets go of choji’s wrist in favor of anxiously fishing around in his pocket for his phone.

“hurry, hurry!”

“i got it,” togame yanks his phone free, only for choji to groan when togame begins fumbling with it, the perspiration on his palms causing the device to slip in his grasp. “the camera app . . . the camera . . .”

“gimme that!” choji snatches it out of togame’s hand and rushes to open the camera app. he feels as though he may burst a blood vessel when he centers kenji and the girl in the image and has to wait for the lens to focus properly. “come on, come on,” his tongue pokes out in concentration as his thumb hovers over the camera icon. 

he isn’t sure how many pictures he took, having spammed the button so relentlessly that the entire screen shone white for a split second. but with their blatant disregard for the public eye, he’s positive that each one is incriminating enough that kenji can’t weasel his way out of any accusations cast his way. he feels a stab of satisfaction as he tucks togame’s phone into his jacket pocket, blissfully ignorant to togame’s awkwardly extended hand.

“let’s go say hi,” choji leans forward slightly, gaze alight with a twisted thrill that sends chills down togame’s spine. his hand shoots up in an energetic wave. “oh, kenj—”

togame’s calloused hand slaps over choji’s mouth, muffling his voice. “don’t do that!” he scolds, leaving choji to stare at him with rounded eyes. “what if—” he recoils sharply when he feels choji’s tongue drag across his palm, and he instantly snatches his hand away, face contorted in revulsion. “ew, that’s disgusting, dude. you can’t just lick people.”

“why can’t i?” choji fires back.

“‘cause it’s nasty—”

“not that.”

“oh,” togame wipes his friend’s saliva off on his pants, grimacing. “you mean talkin’ to him? ‘cause,” he expels a long breath, “if you let him know now that you caught him, he’ll have time to think of a lie before he sees her next. you gotta let her bring it up so she can see how guilty he is for herself.”

“mm,” choji hums. “you sure that’ll work?”

“i might’ve screwed up before,” togame nods to where kenji and the girl are saying their goodbyes, “but i’m positive ‘bout this one.” he turns to face choji, and choji blinks. “i’ll send you the pictures. you should go see her now since kenji’s gonna be busy waiting for you at the diner. she may have been forgiving,” his eyes drift lazily back to kenji just in time to watch him slink off into the alley once more, “but i don’t think she will be this time around.”

yeah. choji shifts his attention back to where kenji and the girl once stood. that’s right. you don't harbor even the slightest tolerance for infidelity. when you see the photos, you’ll dump him for sure, and choji will be there when it happens. watching. waiting. the first one to comfort you. the first one to pull you into his arms and soak up your tears. the first one to witness the tumultuous storm of wounded pride and heartbreak that will inevitably envelop your mind and rip you apart at the seams. 

and when you finally—finally—shatter, choji will be there to collect the pieces.

that’s what “friends” are for, right?

[drakorn]

Rewriting Veilguard Part 5 - The Antivan Crows

Rewriting Veilguard Part 4 - The Veil Jumpers

Disclaimer: I don't hate the game, I actually think it's quite great given the development hell Bioware went through in those 10 years. This is more of a hypothetical universe where there was less of that behind the scenes drama. Just a fun writing exercise.

Writing an Origin Story Mission for the Antivan Crows

The Antivan Crows might be the one faction next to the Grey Wardens of whom we know the most about. They’re hired assassins, cold and brutal and calculating. They recruit children and mercilessly raise them to be killers. The Crow training involves killing your own peers to emerge as the victor. They keep a prison off the coast of Antiva City, where they hold people for “fun and torture”. The life of a Crow is rewarding, true, but it is also filled with darkness and a lot of blood. With all this canonical info established, we can confidently say that the Antivan Crows, while undoubtedly resourceful and clever, are not very nice people.

So why are the Antivan Crows in Veilguard so nice?

When I pictured the Antivan Crows before DAV released, “idealistic freedom fighters” wasn’t exactly what I thought of. Yet this is their entire role in the game, slightly controversial freedom fighters who fight against impossible odds.

Well, as you’ve seen with my takes on the Shadow Dragons, the Grey Wardens, and the Veil Jumpers in earlier posts, such a depiction can make sense if you just take your time to explain it in the lore. Why would the Crows suddenly be so much more of a force for good than they were in the other games? This, along with many other questions, shall be answered in just a tiny moment.

This is my take on a potential Antivan Crow origin story. Have fun!

Creating Rook

So, for the fourth time (wow we’re really stuck in that starting phase, are we), we press the start button and listen to Varric’s narration introducing the general state of Northern Thedas. This time, we pick the Antivan Crows as our faction and get this as our little intro blurb:

“You are an Antivan Crow. Swift knives in the dark, the Crows are ruthless assassins, both respected and feared. Some see them as nothing but cold-blooded killers, others as Antiva’s shadowy protectors who hold the nation’s true power. As a member of house de Riva, now a full-fledged Crow, you are summoned to take part in a secretive Crow operation in the occupied Treviso. Your first true contract is waiting for you. But are you worthy of fulfilling it? Are your skills, and your blades, sharp enough?”

Straight off the bat, of all the factions in this game, the Antivan Crows have the absolute easiest way to explain the last name applying to all races. House de Riva is simply the last name all crows belonging to that house choose. It’s just the way it is, no matter what race you are or where you came from. The question is: how exactly did Rook join the Crows?

Well, here’s where we’ll tap into the organisation’s more controversial and darker side. Here we go:

If de Riva is a human, they will have been bought from a poor family as a child, their parents giving them away just so they could have some coin again.

If de Riva is an elf, they will have been bought from Treviso’s Alienage for much the same reasons. In fact, the Crows have a habit of recruiting elves into their ranks because they tend to make the best assassins.

If de Riva is a dwarf, they were picked up as a child beggar in the streets, as their surface dwarf family likely died in some way.

If de Riva is a Qunari, they were taken in as the sole survivor of a group of Tal-Vashoth who sought to escape further inland from the Qun.

The Crows don’t really care about race or status when it comes to recruitment. But no matter who they recruit, the training starts in their childhood and lasts all the way until Crow membership. It’s tough and brutal. And we need to reflect that, guys, Thedas is not a friendly place. Especially in the North. Especially at this time.

In all four cases, Viago, who is now the Fifth Talon and leader of House de Riva, took us in personally and often trained us himself, sometimes along with Andaratei “Teia, please” Cantori. They are, for the lack of a better word, the closest thing to parental substitutes we’re going to get. And we’re going to make this amusing because Viago relentlessly and mercilessly throwing shade at us while secretly carrying some level of fondness is a very very engaging dynamic.

For the sake of this playthrough, let’s go with something a little more unusual and pick a Qunari rogue.

Once we’ve finalised our de Riva, we press the start button and Varric continues his narration. And we get to learn a little bit more about the actual state of the Crows by the time we begin the game: First Talon Caterina Dellamorte called upon a special gathering of Crows in the city of Treviso, the organisation’s ancestral home, which is now being occupied by the Antaam, but not the official branch. This is one of those units that broke off from the Arishok, who is still waging war against Tevinter. This particular unit is led by a warlord called The Butcher. To ensure the liberation of Treviso, Caterina called upon as many members of the Antivan Crows as possible. House Dellamorte, House de Riva, House Cantori, and House Valisti, are now leading an underground fighting force against the Antaam, willing to use their skills to free Antiva.

So you see, we’re still including the freedom fighter angle because it certainly does make sense for the Crows to go against the Antaam. But we provided just a little bit of an additional explanation. Caterina wants the more idealistic and spirited members of the Crows to join the effort because this is something personal. And she needs those who care about a little more than coin and death to accomplish this. The remaining Crows are still out there, doing contracts, being cold and callous. But now, we give an in-universe reason for things to be the way they are presented to us.

Well then, now that we have created our de Riva, let us jump into the game!

The Treviso Chantry

Instead of using the Cantori Diamond, our Crow base is going to be something a little different. Let’s actually implement the lore and explore some history. The original Antivan Crows started out as monks in the area surrounding Treviso. In the years since, Treviso has been nearly destroyed on two occasions and a lot of rebuilding had to be done. So, instead of setting the main crow base in the HQ of one of their houses, we’re gonna set it in Treviso’s Chantry.

The idea is that Treviso’s Chantry is the ancestral base from which the Crows fully operated. But Treviso has been rebuilt so many times that people just forgot that. Well, not really forgotten, the place just looks utterly unrecognisable to its earliest incarnation.

Well, Treviso’s Chantry is grand and beautiful now, think of places like Notre Dame. And just like Notre Dame, it has its secrets. In the years since the last rebuilding, the Crows took the Chantry and secretly kept expanding on it, using House Valisti as the main financial donor. The upper areas were entirely turned into a maze-like collection of rooms that can house a multitude of Crows at once. And the walls were given tons of secret passages and hidden doors. This is the main Crow base, and only fully initiated Crows know how to access it. It is also, most importantly, the one base where Crows are bound by their code not to harm each other. We know how much literal backstabbing these guys get up to, so we absolutely need to establish some kind of neutral ground. Still, ever since the incident in Tevinter Nights, where most Talons met a most gruesome end, there is tension in the air.

We arrive to the Treviso Chantry by rooftop, accompanied by our Talon, Viago de Riva, as well as all the de Riva Crows that were able to join this effort. Like shadows, we traverse the rooftops and ascend the Chantry’s walls like a group of Ezio Auditores. We find some secret passage in the walls and enter the Crows’ main base.

Right off the bat, Viago pulls us aside and tells us to be on our absolute best behaviour. Four of the Crows’ leading houses are gathered here, and we will not tarnish de Riva’s reputation by being ourselves. Classic Viago.

The Nest

The wide attic areas of the Chantry are referred to as “The Nest”, for this is still where the first Crows “hatched”. And now, it’s used as a massive gathering place, including its own opera house-style auditorium. This Chantry is just the definition of extra but that’s what the Crows are about.

As we walk towards our gathering, we can have a few encounters:

We can encounter Viago and Teia Cantori exchanging in something that is obviously flirting to the knowing eye and ear but can very well be masqueraded as diplomatic conversation. Viago also produces his snake…EMIL, EMIL the snake, not…no! His pet snake, which he got in Tevinter Nights. If you join the conversation, Teia acts absolutely delighted to see you and greets you like the cool and loving mom she is, whereas Viago stares daggers into your soul for daring to interrupt this moment.

We meet Antonio Valisti, the current head of House Valisti. He is both a Merchant Prince and Talon, a very powerful combination. He eyes us up and down and seems even more critical of our very air than Viago, and we thought that wasn’t at all possible.

We find some notes and letters regarding Crows being sent out to hunt down Zevran, who is still on the run. He has stopped waging his one-man-army war against the Crows and is currently lying low.

We can overhear a conversation between Jacobus, his cousin Dareth, and Heir, talking about Jacobus’ training and what it truly means to be an Antivan Crow.

NOTE: In this World State, Zevran is still alive.

We meet Illario Dellamorte and can engage him in polite but tense conversation. He seems to still not having gotten over the death of his cousin, Lucanis, the Demon of Vyrantium. He can only hope to keep his memory alive by being the deadliest assassin he could possibly be. We can be friendly to him here, and he seems to appreciate the sentiment.

The Great Contract

We settle down in the Nest’s auditorium and Caterina Dellamorte, First Talon, steps on stage, and we immediately feel the sheer deadly power and authority oozing from her, despite, or maybe because of, her age. She delivers a short and deadly speech on how this broken part of the Antaam invaded Treviso, led by a man called Daathrata, or “The Butcher”, as the locals refer to him.

Caterina announces that all Crows gathered here have a contract now. All four houses have been bought to assassinate the Butcher and as many of his Antaam soldiers as possible. And who is the client with so much coin for this contract? Well, we’ll meet them later.

Caterina orders the Crows to rest up and prepare, they will be carrying out their plan soon enough. A few select Crows will be chosen to accompany their Talons and meet the client in another location.

Later that evening, Viago approaches us, declaring that he’s chosen us to accompany him to the meeting with the client. He’s incredibly grumpy and stiff about it and tells us to better not make him regret it. At the same time, he concedes that out of all the Crows of House de Riva, we have shown some of the most promise.

Meeting the Client

Heading to meet the client is, as with all Crow-related stuff, shadowy business. So we’re not going to take the streets but jump across the rooftops once again. While we do that, we can see a few things happening below:

We see members of the Antaam dragging a mage out of a house to expose them to the qamek treatment. The Butcher hates mages. Nothing we can do for this one, we must remain in the shadows for now. Even if we want to help them, Viago holds us back. There are too many eyes.

We see the citizens of Treviso being lined up for overall inspection by the Antaam, to see how obedient they are under the new regime.

Eventually, we arrive at our meeting spot: Café Pietra. There, we meet Rayan Ivenci, the Governor of Treviso. Now, for Ivenci, I have something slightly different and more elaborate planned than what we see of them in the game.

Turns out, Ivenci is the one who made the contract and paid the Crows to assassinate the Butcher. Antivan nobles do have a well-established history of hiring the Crows to take out political targets, so this is no exception. Since Ivenci is such a wealthy person, they had enough coin to hire all four houses currently active in Treviso.

If we’re feeling bold, we can even mention how superficial this contract is given that we’re planning to kill the Butcher anyway. Viago gives us another death glare and reminds us of the Crows’ ways of operating. A contract belongs in our very DNA.

Ivenci explains their plan to us: They’re planning on negotiating peace talks with Daathrata onboard his Dreadnought, which is docking just outside the Drowned District. And while they’re having these talks, the Crows can swoop in and perform their assassination. They mention that Daathrata’s main reason for breaking away from the Arishok’s Antaam is that, despite his cruelty, the Butcher doesn’t want to fight in a senseless war against Tevinter. Peace talks are, therefore, not outside the realm of possibility with him.

Our plan put in motion, Ivenci departs and the Crows prepare to gather all forces for a massive descent upon the Qunari.

An Old Friend

When Antonio, Caterina, and the Crows they brought along, leave, Viago and Teia remain. When we ask Viago why we’re not leaving, he says that we still have another meeting to attend. Another contract for after this one is over, so to say.

At this moment, Varric Tethras joins us at the table, with a mug of mulled wine, as he needs that alcohol and coffee is just not his thing. Viago and Teia obviously know him from The Missing so that connection is established. Varric greets us and we probably know him very well, as pretty much everyone knows Varric thanks to his books. And being the Viscount of Kirkwall and serving the Inquisition years ago obviously added to his reputation.

Viago and Teia start talking to him about the contract they have been discussing for a while now. We, as players, obviously can already guess what it is, but the language is kept very vague right now. At this point, de Riva may begin to wonder why exactly we were allowed to stay with two Talons discussing a contract with a new client.

Turns out, Viago has proposed we join Varric and carry out the contract. Even though he has his absolute grievances with us and thinks we’re an annoying baby, he can’t deny our skills.

Varric looks us over and we can have our first little conversation with him, in which we express our interest and curiosity in this strange new contract. This first talk is going to determine partially how Varric perceives us. We can be strictly business-like, as a classic Crow like Viago would behave, or perhaps be a little more idealistic towards the Antaam situation, like Teia. In any case, the meeting ends with Varric stating he’ll wait for us after the Butcher contract is done. Viago barks at us to leave and so we do.

Preparations

Back at the Nest, we have a final strategic meeting with the four houses and determine exactly what everyone will be doing. Here’s the plan: House Valisti, since they have the most and longest experience with Daathrata by having fought him the longest, will go straight for the Butcher’s Dreadnought. House Dellamorte will handle the Antaam in the streets of Treviso. Houses Cantori and de Riva will take care of the Drowned District. Now, we have a first choice presented before us, as there are two different sections of the Drowned District we can focus on:

The Prison Camps: We focus on Antaam’s prison camps and liberate those the Qunari have captured. It’s not entirely out of the goodness of our hearts; the Crows need a win in the public’s perception of them to show that they are both a group to be feared and relied upon.

The Military Camps: We focus on the Antaam’s direct military camps and fracture their overall defences and might. This will weaken them in the long-run.

Whatever we choose is what Houses de Riva and Cantori will prioritise first. If there is still time, we shall focus on the second. While Teia is very much for liberating the prisoners, Viago wants to weaken the Antaam’s overall strength. And this is where our de Riva comes in.

NOTE: As you may have noticed, I am referring to Rook as “de Riva” throughout this write-up, for the same reasons I stated in the other background write-ups.

Well, we have already established our de Riva to be a little more on the idealistic side, so we choose the Prison Camps as our battleground. Let me make one thing perfectly clear, though: we do not actually decide this in-universe. We are a regular Crow. Teia and Viago are Talons. Sure, they could ask us for our opinion, but we don’t get the end say. We just chime in with our own opinion and sway them to this decision. In this case, we support Teia’s idea and she convinces Viago to go along with it. Viago gives us a “this is so your fault” look, but lets it go.

The Crows Descend

What follows is a cinematic of Caterina sending us all to take up positions for what is to be a great shadow battle. The idea is to not engage in open warfare but more so in a Crow way, silent and deadly.

We get a scene at the Butcher’s Dreadnought. Governor Ivenci and some of their guards await to be let on. And this Dreadnought is massive, an absolute unit of a ship, easily overshadowing everything else in the docks. The gangplank is lowered and Daathrata, the Butcher, steps out. He’s an imposing, intimidating Qunari warrior who looks like he can snap anyone in two, including other Qunari. But when he opens his mouth, he is surprisingly well-mannered and soft-spoken, which kinda makes him look even more intimidating. He guides Ivenci and their guards on board. We see Antonio and the Valisti Crows hover on the rooftops surrounding the docks, ready to strike.

At the same time, in the streets of Treviso, we see Caterina and Illario getting the Dellamorte Crows ready to ambush groups of Antaam soldiers and clear the populated areas. Caterina pulls Ilario aside and tells him this is his moment to prove himself and lets him lead the house into battle. This visibly takes aback Ilario.

Lastly, Houses de Riva and Cantori gather on the rooftops surrounding the Prison Camps in the Drowned District. There are many guards around, and even more prisoners.

Now, we get to make another choice: How exactly do we approach this? Teia suggests killing the guards quickly and quietly and then let the prisoners out. Viago, on the other hand, wants to poison the guards and let them die from their food and drink. There are some nice campfires with pots of stew around. So, do we:

Attack the guards directly and kill them as swiftly, quietly, and efficiently as possible?

Or do we poison their supplies and let them choke on their own dinner?

Well, we are still a de Riva and at this point we’ve pissed off Viago enough times. Let’s try and placate him again. We’re in the poison camp. Viago comments that finally, a shred of reason still exists in our head. Since we’re a Qunari ourselves, we now get a bit of a unique flavour to this mission: We know that this particular unit broke off from the Arishok’s Antaam, however, unlike in DAV, they did not break off from the Qun, still holding their own belief to it. As such, they still have Qunari cooks and craftsmen among them. As such, we can play a bit of dress-up: we’ll play the role of a Qunari cook and poison the food ourselves. This is where playing a Qunari really comes at an advantage for us because they won’t suspect us nearly as much as anyone else.

Viago gives us some Adder’s Kiss poison, provided by Emil, and asks us to bring back some qamek for him to study if we find any. He asks this in a bit of a nerdy way, like this is the one poison that still eludes his collection. The other Crows will hold back for the time being while we…go in alone. Mierda.

The Prison Camps

Cut to a little later. Instead of the tight, badass, and sexy Antivan Crow leather attire, we now find ourselves in a plain dress and shirt (I’m going for a feminine Qunari de Riva here). We sneak into a tent filled with cooking supplies, and either knock out, kill, or convince the actual cook to go away. Either way, we are now the cook.

We look around in the tent and find ourselves absolutely aghast at the sheer lack of flavour and variety that is Qunari food. Antivans are supposed to be a mix of Spain and Italy, but the food aspect is definitely Italian-coded. So we look around horrified and mumble something along the lines of “Mierda, no wonder they are the way they are.”

We then set about brewing some fresh stew, which we are utterly disgusted by. As an Antivan, we are used to excellent food full of rich flavour and spices. We really have to reign ourselves in to not make the stew too tasty. This is absolute torture for our poor food-loving heart. This food deserves the poison.

Now that our food has become entirely disgraceful to our standards, it’s time to deliver it to the Antaam.

There are three prison camps aligned next to each other in total, meticulously placed upon the still-standing and dry parts of the Drowned District. We have to sneak the poison into three large pots, one for each camp. As we traverse the camp, we get the following encounters:

We see some prisoners, citizens of Treviso who somehow scorned the Qunari, being tested for potential new rules in the Qun. If we pass them, the Qunari will pull us aside and order us to show some people how to cook. We can play along and actually show them some excellent cooking skills.

But we also see those who actively volunteered into the Qun. They are currently being given weapons or infrastructural jobs. They are clearly under pressure but treated exponentially better than the prisoners. Why are we showing this? Well, if you recall DA2, some people actually did join the Arishok of their own free will. We must show that not everyone actually despises the Qun, or would rather join it than be killed. In any case, it’s important to see.

Whenever we pass one of the main cages with Treviso’s citizens inside, we can try to damage the locks to allow them to escape. This, however, adds the potential consequence of some prisoners trying to make a run for it and being swiftly executed. We choose not to damage them for now.

We see a cage full of mages who were exposed to qamek. They are utterly mindless, almost tranquil, but even…worse than that. In the huge tent next to them, we find a Qunari keeping watch over the poison. We quickly kill him and hide the body, and take a few vials with us for Viago.

When we reach the main pots, something happens each time that will allow us to make some more choices:

Pot 1: Another cook is already filling it. We can either tell them to fuck off or convince them that our food is better prepared since the other tents were befallen by rodents from the canal. Yes, we saw that. We do not lie. The Qun has no lies.

Pot 2: Pot 2 is broken because someone knocked it over and is now being punished for it. We can quickly scurry around and find a new pot to fulfil our duty here.

Pot 3: Pot 3 has a more merciful Qunari captain who let some prisoners have their fill first. You see some people eagerly looking up to you, waiting for food. Dammiiiiittttt. I don’t want to kill the citizens! So do we maintain our cover or find a way around this? Since we’re playing an idealist Crow, we choose to bullshit our way out of this. We make it look like as though one of the Antaam soldiers pushed us and we dramatically let our remaining food spill on the floor. Apologies, huge apologies, we shall get a new fill. The guard is being punished.

Once all is done, we get a very Ghost of Tsushima-style scene where de Riva stands amidst the Antaam and watches the soldiers slowly succumbing to Viago’s poison, except for the third camp. And some others obviously see the poison take effect before eating anything. We quickly dash to where we left our gear. A few minutes later, the Crows descend upon the camps. We re-emerge, once again dressed in our Crow outfit. Viago and Teia join us, and Viago begrudgingly admits that yeah, we’ve actually done a satisfactory job, whereas Teia nudges him teasingly, saying that he can be proud every once in a while.

We then battle against the Antaam, with Viago, and Teia fighting by our side. We mow down those who survived the poison. And because we didn’t break the prisoners’ locks, none of them prematurely escape into an early grave.

Ambush

As soon as we start letting out the prisoners, however, something changes. Something drastic. We see a strange light out on the water and look to the Butcher’s Dreadnought, only to see it go…

BOOM

The Dreadnought fully explodes into smithereens and the debris even reaches us here. All of House Valisti was on board that ship, as well as Daathrata and Ivenci. Before we can react, however, we are suddenly ambushed by a whole new wave of Antaam soldiers. Somehow, the military camp made it here in seconds. And they begin cutting down the escaping prisoners. Mierda, maybe letting them run earlier would have been a better idea. Some would have died, yes, but not as many as right now.

We engage in another, much fiercer battle against the Antaam, but the Crows are driven back. We are not used to open warfare. Now the Qunari have the advantage. We retreat onto the walls.

From there, we see how the streets of Treviso are crawling with Antaam as well and two great Dreadnoughts sail down the river. Where did those come from? Did the Butcher suddenly gain forces? How? Why? How did he know? How…how did he know that we would be planning this? This is too calculated to be a coincidence. Viago and Teia come to the same conclusion: someone betrayed us, betrayed Treviso, betrayed us all to the Butcher. Speaking of…if the Butcher knew this, then the exploding Dreadnought was no accident either. That means he has to still be alive. Maybe we can even save Antonio.

But we also see the Dellamorte Crows struggling in the streets. Teia and Viago begin to argue on what to do next, and we can make a choice here, another big one:

Do we follow Teia and aid the Dellamortes in the streets of Treviso?

Or do we stay with Viago and pursue the Butcher and try to save Antonio and Ivenci?

Well, Viago taught us that a contract needs to be finished, no matter what. We speak out in favour of pursuing Daathrata. Viago agrees with us and Teia rallies House Cantori to help the Dellamortes in the streets. We pursue.

The Butcher

As we race along the docks and fight our way through Antaam soldiers, we are joined by Varric who asks if now’s a good time to make it an outside operation. Viago doesn’t even hesitate to let him join, and so we fight. There are so many Qunari, it’s actually insane. The Crows are way out of their depth here.

While the rest of House de Riva is fighting, we, Viago, and Varric reach the remains of the Butcher’s Dreadnought. We see the corpses of all the House Valisti Crows floating in the water or burning on the wreck. We also find Antonio, who is barely alive and severely wounded. We pull him out of the wreckage and begin patching him up.

We then explore the still-stable parts of the Dreadnought for any signs of the Butcher. Just as we’re about to give up, we see a smaller Qunari ship sailing along the docks. We see the Butcher and Ivenci on it. Well, gotta save the Governor.

Without waiting for Viago and Varric, we hurry over the burning debris, acrobatically swing ourselves back onto the docks, shoot along the piers, jump over gaps and missing parts, see another ship, a fishing vessel, sticking out far enough that we could maybe risk it, quickly make our way there, jump on the boat, climb the mast, the Qunari vessel is almost past us, unsheathe our daggers, SWING OURSELVES FROM THE MAST, DESCEND UPON THE BUTCHER, EZIO AUDITORE!!!

Whoom

We are suddenly stopped, mid-air, as Ivenci stops us with magic, blood magic even; freezing our blood so that our fall is halted. The Butcher calmly turns around and gazes us straight in the eyes. Then, he slowly unsheathes a dagger coated in qamek, and slowly, almost sadistically so, stabs us in the chest.

Ivenci lets their spell go and we drop on deck, our vision blurring, our thoughts dissolving as the qamek spreads through our body. Ivenci is the traitor. But…he made the contract…why would he…

Ivenci looks at us with pure hatred, something unexpected. He looks even more into this situation than Daathrata. Slowly, we fight back and rise to our feet. The Butcher sighs and engages us in battle.

What follows is a very blurry, very short boss battle that basically ends with the Butcher stabbing us again and sending us into the waters of Rialto Bay.

Awakening

We wake up back at the Nest with Viago nursing us back to health. Fortunately, the qamek on that dagger was but a small dosis, so we are certain to recover soon. It’s always good to start acquiring immunity. Viago knows what he’s talking about. As we look at him, we see, for the first time that he’s genuinely worried about us. And no condescension hides that.

He explains that Varric found us floating in the water and dragged us out. If it weren’t for him, we’d be dead. He awaits us at the café when we’re ready. Ready for what? Well, for the other contract. Are you fucking kidding, Viago? Viago dismisses our incredulity by reminding us that contracts are what we’re all about. He asks us what happened with the Butcher. We come back to our senses and tell him that we need to tell something to the other Talons. Viago understands and allows us to get ready.

Slightly slow and wounded, bandaged, we make our way to the auditorium. Teia meets us on the way, glad to see us alive. We see that Viago and Teia are the only unscathed Talons. Caterina is heavily bandaged, as is Antonio. Illario is taking over House Dellamorte while Caterina recovers. Antonio is the only Valisti left. But at least, thanks to us, there is still a Valisti left.

We tell them that Ivenci betrayed us. That they’re a blood mage. That they and Daathrata work together. The Crows are furious, especially Antonio, who wants vengeance for his house. But they also commend de Riva for, albeit while not having finished the contract, at least getting this valuable intelligence.

After the meeting, Viago and Teia take us aside and prompt us to return to the café now. Ivenci and Daathrata think we’re dead and that the other Crows did not receive information on the betrayal. Let us keep it this way for now. Us disappearing out of Treviso on another contract with Varric is a perfect opportunity. We ask what this contract is about but they still won’t say, stating that it’s best for Varric to explain it himself.

Meeting Varric

We meet Varric back at the Café Pietra. He’s glad to see we’re alright and if we’re ready to depart. On our way here we saw that Treviso is currently in a bit of a turmoil. It’ll take a while before all of this is settled. And now, we have two main targets to kill here: Daathrata and Ivenci.

Yeah, the fact that Ivenci’s a traitor is a huge twist in DAV, but I think there is an interesting story to be told if we know they’re the traitor from the get-go. Now, we can wonder why they did it.

We ask Varric what this other contract is about, and Varric says he’ll tell us when we’re way out of Treviso. We can get a little impatient and ask what kind of target this could possibly be that it requires such secrecy. Are we hunting a god or something? Viago and Teia exchange some glances, but we don’t notice.

Instead, Varric encourages us to drop the de Riva name for now, as the Crows…do have a reputation. Best if we just come across as a normal Tal-Vashoth. We need a new name.

We lean back and think. Then, we simply say “Rook.” Varric raises an eyebrow. We shrug. “Close enough to a Crow while still sounding different enough.” Viago visibly and audibly groans in the background. “That’s not what secret mean-“ Teia can’t help but laugh. Varric smirks. “And the strongest piece on the chessboard. I like it.”

Leaving Treviso

Before we leave Treviso, we can have some final talk with Viago and Teia. We do get a little bit more insight into how both of them kinda raised us while still keeping us as a part of House de Riva. They are basically our parental figures, which is super rare among the Crows unless you are blood-related. Even though Viago demeans us all the time, it’s clear he has grown to somehow care for us. While Teia gives us a lot of advice for how to handle ourselves on the road away from all the Crows, Viago simply says something along the lines of “Get this contract done.” At this point, we exasperatedly ask “Mierda, WHO is the target???” and Varric leads us out of the café.

What follows is a cinematic of Rook and Varric sneaking through the streets of Treviso, dodging Antaam patrols. Once we’re out, we take a look back at the huge old Chantry. Still confused on what this is all about, we turn away and follow Varric into the unknown.

And there we have it! A potential origin story for the Antivan Crows! It’s getting really fun doing these. I’m very much enjoying it, and I hope you are too. Next time, we shall head to the Necropolis and explore a potential origin story for the Mourn Watchers. Stay tuned!

Rewriting Veilguard Part 6 - The Mourn Watchers

[thenightshadowqueen]

The best character from each longform

(in my biased opinion)

This is (obviously) a long one, so if you do want to read it, more below.

(Also I left out the Patreon plays. I might do a separate post for them later; we’ll see.)

Jimmy (Tom, Toby’s Secret Pocket)

Look, Jimmy is the best. He’s adorable. He’s the representation we as the autistic community needed. He has happy flappy stimmy hands. He can’t walk through doors. We love him. (STOPINTHENAMEOFTHELAW!!!!!)

André Beetroot (AJ, Burglary and Bobsledding)

André Beetroot (André Beetroot) was iconic the first time around, but his return as the first recurring SFTH character obviously had to be memorialised.

The boy witch (Sam, Moist and Magical)

I was tempted by the witchfinder general, but the boy witch won out with “Henry Cavill with a wasting disease” and his thick accent. Also the cheeky little look he gives his grandma (Luke) when he flips her off wins him a lot of points.

Hugh’s mum (Tom, Marigolds Bluebells and Hugh)

She’s, like, a fair bit unhinged, but she has good intentions. She’s got amazing quotes, too; “why couldn’t you have just stayed in my womb forever” and “if you love something, lock it up” are both deeply concerning, but I love them.

The wife (Tom, Murders in Space)

This one is kind of an obvious choice. I mean, her quotes are glorious, and honestly “have you ever heard of feminism, James?” gets her top spot automatically.

Mario the sheep (Sam, the Lighthouse)

Was this even a question? I love Mario intending to be a one-scene character and then being forced to star in the whole play. I love the human bits. I love “🐑fuck you🐑”. I love the sheep (aka Sam) having a fucking breakdown at the end. 10/10 all around.

Titch (Luke, the Unrelenting Aubergine)

Listen, I was very tempted by Old Lady Margery (and by Derek), but in the end, canon queer guy with commitment issues and insane amounts of blindness around his own feelings won out. What can I say, I have a type in fictional characters.

Troll Son (Luke, Wine Under the Bridge)

Everything about this character is perfect. Screaming as hello? Colourful troll as a metaphor for being queer? Correcting a geography fact? It’s got it all. It’s perfect. I love Troll Son and his wine bar in Ipswich.

Juliet (AJ, Caesar and Juliet)

Is anyone surprised? She’s a murderous girlboss. “[My mother] said you have to be careful about men; they can be corrupted with power. But what she didn’t know is that so can woman.” They can, and I’m here for it. She’s bathing in blood and her skin is glowing. I love insane women.

Watson (Sam, the Mystery of the Midnight Circus)

Watson, driven mad with grief over his divorce and his one-sided love for Sherlock, becomes a murderous clown. Am I supposed to not love this? Is there even another choice in this play? And his breakdown at the end was gorgeous.

Priscilla (AJ, Pricilla’s Final Petal)

I was very tempted by both of her mums, and also a bit by the groundsman, but ultimately, Priscilla won out. She’s the title character. She’s confused, but she’s got the spirit, and she’s working through her trauma with a buttercup and a piano lesson. Good for her.

Marty (Sam, the Evil Make-a-Wish Kid)

I considered the seven-year-old detective, but in the end, Marty won. He’s evil. He’s a make-a-wish kid. What more can I say? He’s got an iconic smirk. He burns down all the petting zoos on the entire planet (and his mum). He dies at the end. He’s brilliant.

Derek (Tom, Susan’s Holiday)

There were a lot of great options in this one, but “I like looking at the back of another man’s head” was too good to pass up. Also, I adore the whole monologue he has while he’s waiting to be buzzed in.

The gasoline salesman (Luke, Beetroots and Murder)

Okay, I know he’s only in, like, a quarter of a scene. I know that. And I can’t tell you why I love him so much but I do. He’s just. I just love him. I can’t explain it. There are so many great characters in this play, but the way he says “could be, could be” has captivated me. If you understand the way my brain works, please contact me, because I don’t.

Peter Steven (Tom, the Milkman)

I love so many characters in this play. I love Gareth, and I love the Texan bartender, and I love David the milkman. But Peter Steven is the sweetest, most traumatised little boy and I want to protect him. I will adopt him and I will never make him walk on his knees again. I will throw away the PS5 and I will let him dig up the back garden as many times as he wants.

Johnny and Janae (Luke and Tom, the Neighbour’s Under the Bed)

I know they’re two separate characters, okay, but they’re a set. I want to keep them together. And I just can’t choose, okay? They’re two autistic children whose neurodivergence presents in opposite ways, and their parents don’t know what to do with them, and oh look, I’m back to wanting to adopt traumatised children.

Captain Egbert (Luke, the Leftenmost Window)

Shoutout to the mum, but Egbert won this one. He’s, like, kind of an idiot. I’m here for it, though. He’s got the iconic “diluileayilybilyeilysilym” speech. He wants to go to the ~astral plane~ but he’s waiting for his birthday. He lets his wife dip him into a kiss even though it’s 1940. I love him.

The king (Sam, the Prime Minister’s First Day)

Listen, I love several characters from this one, but I’m going with this one. He’s unapologetically a dick. He wears impenetrable armour made from diamonds stolen from Indian subculture. He’s impossible to beat. He’s brilliant. (Also did anyone else kind of find Sam hot as the king or is that just me?)

Franz Haberburg (Sam, the Excited Chinchilla)

Obviously fuck Nazis (god I hope that’s obvious). That being said, some of SFTH’s best characters are Nazis, and this is one of them. He’s glorious. I have never seen such a brilliant rendition of a Nazi chinchilla.

The Italian detective (Tom, the Ingredients)

He can’t pronounce paella. Do I need another reason?

Chip (Sam/AJ, the Cardboard Stegosaurus)

Oh look, another traumatised child! I want it. (No, but seriously, I love Chip and his English/French seizures.) Also he’s one of the few characters who switches actors mid-play, and I love that.

Persephone (Tom, Wild Wet and Worrisome)

She’s amazing. “HEY!” is a gorgeous siren call and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. She deserved a happy ending and I’m still sad we didn’t get one. I like to think she swam to the shore and found Geoff again, and they lived happily ever after on a boat at sea, singing and not having to kill anyone.

Full Set O’Hands and his love/bother (Luke and Tom, No! I Always Loved that Caravan)

I know, I know, another set of characters, but you really can’t separate these two. They’re insane. I adore them. They’re just… Honestly, these two are comedy gold. Good for them because they are fucking timeless.

Andrew (Luke, All Eyes on Nigel)

Listen, Andrew is a naive little thing, and he must be protected at all costs. He goes through so much shit in this one, and I just want to wrap him up in a blanket and send him to rehab.

Magnus O. Puss (Tom, BUS)

Okay, this was a VERY close one between them and Arthur B. D., but Magnus is a genderqueer icon and we love them for it. Also, I feel like this is some of the most unhinged Tom content we have and I live for that.

Jeremiah (Luke, Inside the Mysterious Cube)

I was so torn because I love Bubba, too, but I’m trying to avoid putting sets of characters where possible, and Jeremiah just edged past Bubba because his death scene was gorgeous. (That is a mildly concerning reason to have a favourite, I will admit.)

Lord Lafayette (Tom, the Midnight Mystery)

You may be noticing a pattern; I adore Tom’s insane characters. We just don’t get to see that often enough. I love his very sexual flirting with Lady Lafayette (Sam). I love him making fun of the detective’s (Luke’s) shirt. I love “what does any self-respecting rich man do when he has a little boy in tights” followed by “captured—and only captured” as a save. I love him.

Dangerfield (AJ/Tom/AJ again, Once Upon a Time I Killed Mum)

I love the confusion when Tom briefly takes over as Dangerfield; it’s not often we get to see AJ understanding something that Sam doesn’t (I say this with all the love in the world). Dangerfield is so fascinating to me. He’s a “cleaner” for a crime lord, but he has mixed feelings about the things he does. I want to know how he got into it in the first place. How did he come into this life? I want to know.

Barry’s wife (AJ, the Hare who Wore a Sweater)

I don’t remember her having a name, but I could be wrong about that. She’s so sweet; she just wants to knit sweaters for the hares in peace. And then Jimmy the hare gets shot, and she and her husband go on a revenge plot. I’m here for it. I love her.

The king/tank commander (AJ, the Oopsie Daisy Bulge)

He’s obsessed with tanks. He used to have gay sex with his fellow tank commanders, but only as a joke. He sailed all the way around, through the other landlocked counties, into the east of France, and they never saw it coming. He drove tanks into the ocean. He’s so stupid he’s almost smart. I love him.

The landowner/farmer (Luke, Too Big to Be a Jockey)

He farms peasants (Luke, you genius). He’s such a dick, with his classist remarks about Johnny Jones, but somehow I love him anyway. His interview process is looking at a photo of someone and then hiring them, and he’s honestly wonderful. I love him.

Larry (Tom, Long Johns—Strike!)

Literally the only thing he does on screen is die. That’s it. That’s his whole purpose. And he does it beautifully.

Wizard Asceroth (Sam, the Dark Moons of Slough)

ASCEROOOOTTTHHHH!!! (I don’t have another reason. I don’t need another reason.)

The French waiter (Luke, Lost in Your Eyes)

I don’t know. I really don’t. But something about this character has stuck with me since the first time I watched it. Gorgeous accent. He kisses Amanda (Sam) for no reason at all. He gets stabbed by a gun. I love him.

The Lady of a Thousand Don Juans (Luke, the Meringue Haberdashery)

She tricked her husband for years. She murdered her own child. She has been a curse on all the Don Juans in this town. She’s one of the only villains who win at the end of a longform, and that’s very impressive. I love her.

Xavier (Tom, Oh my God is This a Joke?)

(Please refer to my previous statement about Nazi characters.) Okay, look. He’s a horrible person. But we as a fandom choose to disregard that because Tom looks amazing in a leather jacket and scarf. I am not above this. I am, in fact, a part of this. Tom looks amazing in a leather jacket and scarf. “I will die as I have lived…. Shirtless!” has to be one of the most iconic lines of all time. There was never any competition.