#the dude playing this game sucks tho get him outta here -_-

[weirdo09]

miles morales meets lucas sinclair- a crossover

miles was just walking down the streets of brooklyn, new york when suddenly a portal opened up. he looked around to see if anyone could see what he was seeing and ofc nobody did. then, miles ponder on whether or not he should go in, ‘i mean, why would a portal just open up outta nowhere?’ though, his thoughts would soon be interrupted when the portal started to suck him in. “wa-!” miles started to say then he went shooting down the portal. “AHHHHHHH!!” miles shouted(ya’d think after all the portal jumping he’s done, he’d get used to it but nah) after a while, he finally landed somewhere (can anybody guess where it is?) miles got up, dusted himself and checked his surroundings. ‘i’m definitely not in brooklyn no more.’ he thought and started to walk as a way to better see exactly where he is.

miles walked for a short time when he saw a sigh that said welcome to hawkins, indiana! ‘weird, why would the portal take me here?’ and where exactly is here?’ he thought but decided to go and find out. soon, miles made it to town and was greeted by what looked like a bunch of people dressed in 80’s fashion. he decided to ignore them and to keep looking for a way back home.

miles kept walking when he bumped into someone.(can you guess who that is?) it was the one, the only lucas sinclair. “hey, you good man?” lucas said as he lended miles a hand, mikes took it gratefully. “uh, thank you-.” miles began to say but he was distracted by lucas’ outfit and his overall look. lucas had on what looked to be like something that his dad would’ve wore a long while ago. “uhm, i have a kinda weird question but what year is it?” miles asked, looking lucas up and down. “it’s ‘86, why?” lucas asked curiously. “oh, no reason!” miles said nervously. “uhm, ok so what brings you here in hawkins of all places?” lucas asks as he gestures for miles to walk with him.

“well, i guess i just fell here?” miles said, slightly rubbing the back of his neck while walking. “yea? well, this town is a little- what do you say? weird?” lucas informs miles. “i’ve seen weird, i’m pretty sure i can handle this lil town.” mikes chuckles and lucas smiles at that. “we’ll see, where ya from?” “brooklyn, brooklyn new york.” miles answered. “cool, cool so, do you wanna maybe hang out?” lucas asked with a half smile on his face. “sure, when?” miles asked also with a smile on his face.

“how about now?” lucas said, grinning as big as possible. he grabbed miles’ hand and ran. “hey-!” miles shouted as he was pulled.

they stopped once they reached the arcade. “the palace?” miles questioned “yea, you ain’t got one of these in new york?” lucas asked curiously. “nah, not that i know of.” miles answered “well, let’s go then!” lucas said excitedly, again grabbing miles’ hand and pulled him inside.(miles secretly loves that he keeps doing that)

once they got inside, lucas got some tokens and miles decided to look around. ‘it really does look like the 80’s in there.’ ‘where the food at?’ he thought.(this is me cuz wherever i go, i gots to know where the food at) “hey, kid ya lost or smth?” a strange dude says to miles, miles turns his head in the direction of the sound. “uhm, no?” “who are you?” miles asked quizzical. “i’m keith, the owner of this fine establishment.” keith answered a little snobbishly, chomping down on his cheese puffs. “hey miles, ya ready to play some games?” lucas said while walking over, shaking a bucket of tokens.(idk this is from my experience of arcade games so) “oh, yea! see you, ig keith?” miles said with confused look on his face.

lucas sent keith a glare thankfully, miles didn’t see it and they headed over to the arcade games. “so, whatcha wanna play?” lucas asked looking at all the old games he used to play here(and still does, secretly tho) “hm, i don’t really know how about you choose?” miles answered and asked, smilingly. “how about we play dig dug?” lucas said, turning his head to miles. “sure, how do you play?” miles asked

they played for a good while. there was plenty of laughter and goofiness. miles got a higher score than lucas which queued lucas to hollering about why is miles so good. “how are you that good?” lucas huffed “well, let’s just say, i know my way around a stick.” miles teased, lucas rolled his eyes playfully. “ready to head out?” lucas said grinning. “yea, yea sure c’mon. i wanna see the rest of the town!” miles said impatiently, pulling lucas by hand. “ok ok-!” lucas chuckled and they were out.(the arcade that is)

lucas gave miles the proper hawkins tour. the last stop, the sinclair residence. lucas opens the door with his key and they head inside. erica’s on the couch when she hears the door open. “who’s that?” she said turning her head around to lucas and miles. “uh, just a friend.” lucas said with a hint of regret in his voice.(this boy is down, babe) “oh yea, miles this is erica, my lil sister.” lucas said to miles with a half smile. “oh, hey.” miles said with a lil smile on his face “yea, hello to you too.” erica said and walked up to lucas. “is he your boyfriend? and please let him be better than jason.” she whispered in lucas’ ear.

“wait what-?” “ERICA!!” lucas said, blushing very hard. miles busting out laughing.

@adorewillbyers @foodiewithdahoodie @adoremaxmayfield @butterflies-for-michael @verashalurks @thebylerfiles @pimplepogue @l0v3c0r3e @willbyerswithglasses @willbyerswithagun @tinylittle-superfan @geolikesstrangerthings @background-character-341 @no-ordinary-demigirl

[dissidiawol]

i am also of the opinion that the tomodachi life mii vinnehsauce is just a sweet lil guy with his own merits but we DONT need that conversation rn

[moon-ursidae]

GAME SESSION 3 RECAP

i took 2 days off bc day 1 i was super ultra mega tired, and yesterday i was in a lot of pain. BUT WE’RE BACK AT IT TODAY

i watched some of the retro replay playthrough w troy and nolan ft. various guests and getting an insight on this game makes it even more meaningful than it already is.

of course, spoilers for both the games and the hbo series below!!

hours played: around 8 hours? less breaks this time

ALRIGHT SO

kickin’ it off in the financial district!

these hunter trucks fucking SUCK

HENRY AND SAM!!!! YYEEEESSSSS

joel was beatin the shit out of him dude goddamn

this must be nice for ellie to finally have someone around her own age to interact with other than grumpy man joel

i also like how joel is taking up the rear now. the adults are on the outside while to kids are on the inside. cool lil details man

SHIV DOOR!! and it’s a whole apartment?? fuck yea

i’ve been meaning to mention this but i like that you can hear joel breathing. it’s a great way to add to the immersion and a little look in on what joel’s feeling. awesome awesome details

UGH sam just wants to be a kid dude :( i feel bad i wanna take the toy to give to him later. but henry’s right about only taking what you have to

OH MY GOD THERE’S AN UNCHARTED BOARD GAME IN HERE!! AND JAK AND DAXTER!!

omg there’s one that’s called the turning and it looks like ellie is on the front of it w another girl. i totally forget what her name is but i think it’s alluding to the left behind dlc?

STOP ELLIE WAKING JOEL UP🥺

OH MY GOD THEY’RE LEAVING??

STOP ELLIE “we stick together” AAHHHH🥺🥺🥺

“did you just see me?” “don’t let it go to your head. let it get to theirs” KAHSKSHAKSV

the way that she trusts him to keep her afloat!! they’ve come so far already!!

“hey you” 🥺

“he saved me too” after ELLIE says that, then he eases up. HOLY FUUUCK DUDE 🥲

only after she says that THEN he reconsiders what he was about to do. fuckin hell man the writing and the acting is AMAZING

i’m glad to be outside of a city again. they stress me tf out.

ISH!! i’ve been waiting to find his stuff!

omg ellie whistling “sounds like a spaceship! i don’t even know what a spaceship sounds like” i LOVE HER

ish was hella smart tho choosing to live out on a boat for a while. then living in the sewers lmao. “i’m gonna be a sewer mole-man”

alright took a dinner break before pressing forward :)

i don’t like the sound of these clickers behind the door. knowing my luck i’ll have to deal with them

this area made by, i’m assuming, ish is so cute!! ellie and sam being kids for a little moment! so sweet!

the world is so rich with story dude. the notes i keep finding down here, specifically kyle’s note? goddamn. and what’s under the tarp? heartbreaking dude. “jesus” is right joel. fuck

uh oh spaghetti-o’s!! we got seperated! the way that joel TOWERS over sam is kinda funny to me tho

listen i was horrible w a bow but now i kinda love it not gonna lie

THE WARNING ON THE OTHER SIDE💀

these quiet moments between are really nice. the dialogue is always super interesting

DOGS!!

this house was DEFINITELY a bachelor pad bro. the neon cocktail sign above the kitchen? the dartboard? the decor? definitely a bachelor pad

also sam and ellie playing darts was super cute

YUHHH BRINGIN SAM AND HENRY W US TO TOMMY’S WOOO

wyoming??? and we’re only in PA???? goddamn we got a WAYS to go

skip ohio tho it’s cursed

JOKE BOOK TIME!!!

bro they don’t get the pizza joke?? they’ve never had pizza?? THESE POOR KIDS

oh shit sam’s got jokes too!! fuck yea!!

kids bein kids man this is what they need.

god this is so pretty

that sniper scared the fucking shit outta me

ellie telling joel to be careful🥺

oh my god the horde coming in was INTENSE

it’s nice to see joel lettin loose a bit sharing stories w henry and ellie :)

i have ellie to thank for that mefinks

“i’m scared of ending up alone” UUUGGHHH ELLIE I WANNA HUG YOU

i do remember what happens here, which hits different when sam talks about how the people might be trapped inside of the virus, conscious but not able to control themselves. saying he’s scared that it’ll happen to him

kids shouldn’t have to have philosophical conversations like this dude it’s really sad to see

I FUCKIN KNEW ELLIE PICKED THAT TOY UP WHEN I DIDN’T SEE IT ON THE FLOOR

i was gonna say that i wish they put some kind of music in the back when we’re shown sam’s bite, but the silence makes it more impactful

uh oh. it’s too domestic in here something bad is gonna happen like i dunno maybe SAM MIGHT BE DEAD OR ALMOST TURNED??

oh fuck no i didn’t wanna be right why he doin that no no no

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

BOTH OF THEM?? UUUUUUGH FUCKIN A DUDE

henry actually seemed happy last night :(

and the way joel looked afterward? god fucking damnit dude.

and the music?? i- 🫠😥

this game is basically teaching me to never get attached to characters ever

FALL??

that’s quite the fuckin jump dude

JACKSON?? yuh yuh yuh

i didn’t know that they introduced jackson in the first game!

the environment here is really pretty. the trees and the mountains in the back? very peaceful

new clothes for the duo very niiice

“i don’t know what i’m feelin” i could not imagine bro joel and tommy might be completely different fucking people than when they last saw each other

“i believe his last words to me were i don’t ever wanna see your god damned face again” your honor, they are brothers

and the way joel is kinda gettin in digs at tommy when he’s explaining what happened to ellie saying that he’s a quitter lmao

i also noticed that ellie is closer behind joel and that she’s progressively gotten closer to him as the story has progressed. THE LITTLE DETAILS MAN UGH

this shit is gonna look GORGEOUS when the remake comes out

i wish i had a ps5 dude ugh

“i know. step on the fucking palette” i love that even she’s annoyed lmao

“be careful crossing that thing” “i will” such father daughter stuff right here

SHUT THE HELL UP THE HIGH FIVE??? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“that’s too small of a grave” :(

i know joel is trying to teach ellie to not get attached and to not ruminate on things for so long, but i feel like she needs to be able to talk about it even just a little bit dude. she said she wants to talk about it but joel immediately shot it down and just wants to move on. UGH joel stop being so dad rn

them talking about finding something to eat ugh so father daughter bro 🥲

TOMMY!!!!!

STOP I’M GONNA CRYYYYYY

HORSES!! YESSSSSS I CAN PAT THE HORSE!!

it’s like i’m playin red dead now LMAO

ellie doesn’t want joel to leave her🥺

TOMMY GOT THE PICTURE OF JOEL AND SARAH😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

“i’m good” WHAT??? the way that i gasped SO LOUD

the way that i’m literally crying over a picture of a fictional father and daughter and the father of said daughter is like “i’m good” JOEL WHAT?

AND DOGS??? BUCKLEY??

buckley we are bffs. i have declared so as i have pat you on your cute lil head

i really am playin red dead now lmao

i don’t like that there’s cover boxes and bottles laying about

joel’s makin it sound like just tommy is gonna take her out west. if ellie doesn’t like going to eat with maria without joel, i have a feeling that she’s simply not going to go out west without him.

bro joel sounds like he wants to get rid of ellie. i do not like this

🚨FAMILY FEUD🚨

oh shit there’s actual alarms now

the camera angle during the scene after the bandit raid where ellie is explaining everything at turbo speeds while joel is trying to check on her is SO GOOD

it’s like tommy and maria are watching them and noticing their relationship and that they care about each other.

AGAIN THE MUSIC??? KAHAKSHOABDOSH

“what’s that all about?” oh ellie… ellie ellie ellie

maria’s right though. and she has every right to be angry. tommy has way more on the line than joel does

“here we go” LMAOO

“it’s best this way” is it bc joel knows he won’t be able to let her go? he can’t deal with the pain so he wants to cut it off before it goes any deeper? UGH idk dude i’m just so emotional rn

ellie knew something was gonna happen bro. SHE wanted to leave before anyone could leave her. UUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH

now i’m REALLY playing red dead lmao it feels weird not tapping X at all

“i don’t know what’s goin on” JOEL YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT’S UP

THE MUSIIIIICCCCCCCCUUUHHHHH

i just used like all my fucking ammo… FUCK

i think the song that’s playing is called “the choice”???

uh ooohhhhh here comes the scene about ellie not being joel’s daughter 🫠

THE URGENCY IN HIS VOICE

THE WORRY

WHEN HE’S CALLING FOR ELLIE STOP

i found a comic upstairs and he said “another comic of her’s” I AM SCREAMIINNNGGGG

the hesitancy when she told him to admit that he wanted to get rid of her

and then he just changes the subject

is joel worried that he’s not enough to protect her?? is that what’s happening here?? “i trust him more than i trust myself” joel you’ve broght this girl from boston to wyoming what do you MEAN bro

the way he shifts everytime sarah is mentioned 🥺

i’m gonna start fucking crying again

JOEL.

J O E L.

“i sure as hell ain’t your dad. we are going our seperate ways” JOOOEEEELLLLLL

and ellie staring at the floor leaning up against the dresser :(

god the look on their faces during the ride back to jackson. joel looks guilty and ellie looks so fucking sad

“eh. you know me my mind’s all made up” i’m genuinely fucking crying right now why like i-

now i’m thinking about the bts of pedro and bella on the horse at the university!! YUUH

“you good?” “i’m good” BC THEY’RE GONNA STAY TOGETHER YYEEESSSS SLAYYY

i get why the choice was playing lmao

THE HOUR!! YEESSS! i really like this one :)

AWE joel explaining football to ellie 🥺

JACKETED JOEL YESSSSSS

i’m like super emotional rn i don’t understand

callus hahaha

this just feels comfy. fall. layers. the colors. the horse. the apocalypse. KIDDING. but yea everything else feels cozy

FLAMETHROWER!

ellie holding on to joel is so fuckin cute

“watch yourself” “you too” i’m so proud of how far they’ve come

alright i stopped before dropping into spores bc i am tired and in pain lmao i don’t feel like dealing w more infected rn

all in all, HOLY FUCKING SHIT. lots of emotions this time. lots of tears. lots of sweat. very very emotional.

idk it feels like a privilege to play this game to me? maybe that’s why i waited 9 years to play it? which i’m glad that i did bc my love for storytelling and my eye for certain things has grown a lot over the past year, and i feel like i can enjoy the experience of the game more.

i also feel like i’m more mature enough to play it now? it always scared me to play, which it still does, but i feel like i’m more equipped to handle the subject matters and the material.

i know that i still have a lot of emotional turmoil to get through, so i will save it for tomorrow!

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

Monsta X during Sex

A/n: @ddaengbaepsae basically cowrote this, bless her thotty brain

Warnings: Just pure filth, kinda soft though shut up I’m soft for them

Word Count: 2656

Son Hyunwoo (Shownu)

Welp he’s big all over folks

Stay safe, use lube

It’ll be fine he’s a big teddy bear

He might hurt you but he’d never mean to

He’s not the type to fuck around he’s definitely a one woman man

He’d be slow to initiate a physical relationship, too, he’s a shy baby under all those muscles

Not at all the jealous type you could thirst over another member right in front of his salad and he’d be like “You’re right, Jooheon does have juicy thighs”

Only very specific situations would make him feel possessive

For example if he comes home and you’re wearing Hoseok’s hoodie

His ears start turning red and you have no idea why

Rips it off you all hungry kisses hands everywhere

You’re shook when he gets a little rough with you, bites your shoulder when he comes

While you’re getting dressed after he puts his hoodie on you with a kiss and a sheepish smile

Missionary, lots of slow strokes, kissing

He’s a hard worker tho if you know what I mean 👀👀

Worries about your pleasure over his

High-key oblivious to you seducing him

You can suck chocolate off his fingers and he’s like “Jagi I can buy more chocolate, relax.”

You can strip off your clothes and he’ll be like “oh should I run you a bath?”

You’ll have to deadass put your hand on his dick for him to get it

He’ll be all blushy at first but then he’ll kiss you hard

So good at oral look at those lips sis. Won’t even ask you to reciprocate but would be so grateful if you do, stroking your hair, a little praise “You’re so good to me, Jagi.”

He’s so shy about asking for what he wants in general but if you do something he likes once, he’ll ket you know by his body language, throw his head back and buck those dancer’s hips

He isn’t very vocal at first but he’ll get a little more comfortable he’s never actually loud

Unless you sit on his face

Don’t @me Nunu loves it

This is when he’s loud, all deep throated moans and he’ll go hard, you’re gonna forget your own name, sis

He loves curves, loves you in white and lace

He is not a one night stand guy he’s a serial monogamist for sure

If he’s fucking you he’s in love I don’t make the rules

He’s fairly vanilla and he’d be highkey worried he’d hurt you if you were into choking or something like that

He would try anything for the person he loves but he’d be uncomfortable if it were something rough

He knows how to move, we all know that, so in any case you’re a very happy girl

Yoo Kihyun

So Ki wants you a lady in the streets

You start dating him thinking you got this traditional boy from a conservative household

But behind closed doors…

“Why are you wearing panties? You don’t need those here.”

He’ll buy you expensive lingerie just to fucking RUIN it

Look you leave his place sweaty and sticky and covered in hickeys

It’s a real walk of shame

He wants you a MESS the first few times he won’t even fuck you because he wants you hooked on him before he ever puts it in

You gotta beg for it every fucking time

But when he finally does you best be ready

He’ll have you ass up on all fours trying to blow out your back

Saying shit like “This is what you wanted, yeah? Wanted me to fuck you like my pretty little whore?”

You’re fucking SHOOK

Also he IS low-key a nice boy like in public he’s making you cover up your marks and shit

But the minute you get a little chummy with one of the other boys he’s ripping off your scarf like “oops”

He’s not that loud bc he’s focused on making you loud af

But he’s a real dirty talker he’ll whisper some shit to you at a restaurant that’ll make your legs shake

He’s the type to make you take off your panties in the bathroom and when you come back he’s talking intently with the boys while he just runs one hand along your inner thighs to tease you

He will be loud if you let him fuck your mouth tho (and you will please who are we kidding?)

“That’s my good girl. My sweet whore.” Throaty moans

Low-key kinky he’ll just randomly buy a riding crop and ship it to your house with a note like “tonight?”

He would love you in a diamond collar

Nothing even remotely submissive about this man

He’s a good time but you better be ready he doesn’t play if you’re his you’re his no questions no complaints

Lee Jooheon

What a fun time

But also such a fucking tease

Another one who wants you messy and keening

Acts all innocent when you beg all wide eyed “What do you mean, princess, I’m barely touching you? You’re so needy today.” All dimpled smirk

But he’ll fuck the life outta you right after

Also just a sidenote he’s got a fast tongue you know that vibrating thing? King of that

He sends you texts all day at work 50% sexts 50% sweet like “when are you coming to see me? I miss you.”

He is a s w i t c h you can’t change my mind

But he’s a brat if he lets you top, so whiny and desperate and he’ll know exactly what will make you give in.

Has a bit of a praise kink tbh so he might be a good boy just for that

When he doms he’s soft tho all praise all the time

He’ll praise you for being a brat be like “oh, I love it when you’re feisty. Do that again.”

Jooheon likes ass sis the more the better if you got cake and wear tight jeans around him you won’t be wearing them long

You gonna have handprints on that booty like at all times

Loves doggy style so much

Adventurous he would definitely fuck you somewhere public like a parking garage or a public bathroom he gets off on adrenaline for sure

High sex drive, all over you when you’re busy working from home and when you’re finally like “ok ok I’m done let’s do this” he’s barely touching you skating his mouth over your skin just to give you chills

Loves to show you off wants you looking like a bad bitch when he takes you out he loves it when you make heads turn

He’s not exactly possessive but he does want all your attention at first he’ll use aegyo and be pouty to try and get you to pay attention to him

If that doesn’t work then he’ll use that Libra seductiveness

LOUD AF

Particularly during blowjobs he will wake the dead “Please please please…” So desperate and whiny

Unironically refers to you as “his girl” like you meet his friends and he’s like “this is my girl”

Down for anything he’ll make all your kinks and fantasies a reality

Loves you wearing something revealing kisses all your exposed skin big open mouthed kisses

Softest sweetest cuddler afterward

Would be the BEST fwb

Chae Hyungwon

He strikes me as the the type to have a fwb for a real long time or be a serial monogamist

King of the long, deep, slow stroke game

You can beg him to go faster all you want but his patience will end you

Lots of stamina we’re talking all night y'all every single time

No quickies here you gotta carve out 2 hours in your schedule minimum

Look at that mouth phew you’re gonna need a good two hours to recover after he goes down on you too

It’ll take a while he can breathe through his ears you feel me

He’s pretty vanilla at heart but he’ll choke the shit outta you if that’s what you want, tie you up, whatever he ain’t scared

King of morning sex I just know it

Sleepy, slow, sweet morning sex

Have you in your feelings when the sun is barely up

SUCH a good kisser, wow

Mostly dominant in bed but he loves you on top

You have fingerprint bruises on your hips at all times

He doesn’t get possessive much at all he’s confident he’s got you on lock

If he does he’ll just throw shade at the dude you’re flirting with and fuck you an hour longer that night to remind you why you’re with him

One of those shuts the kitty down for two full days types, tbh he’s low-key BIG

Big big praise during blowjobs if you give the good succ he gonna fall in love

“Your tongue is sinful, you know that? You look so beautiful with your mouth full.”

Like before you fuck him the first time you’re worries he’ll be boring in bed because he’s quiet and sweet on dates

Then one night he kisses you goodnight and suddenly presses you against the wall, lips right by your ear: “You’re inviting me in, yeah?”

You’re like “Yes SIR”

After about an hour and a half you’re exhausted and sweating, muscles sore and he’s deadass asleep with one arm thrown around you

He’s full of surprises

Lee Hosoek (Wonho)

You first see him and your instincts tell you to run he’s gotta be a whole fuckboy

He wants to be and he’ll try but he’s s o f t

He would do a one night stand and then take you to breakfast and text you two hours later asking if you wanna hang out again

You’re absolutely shocked when he calls you the next day because the sex is definitely not soft

At least not at first

At first he’s throwing you up against walls, pulling your hair, all whiny moans and praises “God, look at you, all spread out like a whore for me.”

And he’ll keep it up but he gets low-key sweet as he inevitably catches feelings

Starts going down on you all the time, being a real tease, slow licks, two fingers in and out

Moans against you it makes him so hard to taste you

The cuddliest baby afterward

High-key possessive don’t even think about flirting he’ll have you backed into a corner marking your throat and breasts up in front of God and everybody

Wants a lot of attention but mostly wants to give you a lot of attention

I don’t know if a louder boy exists tbh

Good luck keeping any of your private times private he’s such a moaner, pleads with you, dirty talker esp when you give him head

“You’re gonna make me come so hard, will you open your mouth and let me see it on your tongue?”

He’ll want so many nudes of you

He strikes me as a real ass man just like Joo

He WILL eat the booty like groceries

He’ll try to wife you if you like anal but sis bring a lot of lube

BIG BIG BIG

Like he knows he’s big but he doesn’t realize how big

Scary big

“You wanna put that where?” Big

He’d sub he’s a switch he’s a good boy too

He is not too proud to beg and he’ll wear your hickies like a badge of honor

He’s strong he loves to manhandle you, throw you over his shoulder and smack your ass, standing sex in the shower holding on to your hips as he bucks up into you

Proud of his body and never wears a shirt around you if he doesn’t have to

Big boyfriend material though despite his fuckboy charm he is loyal and sweet

Lee Minhyuk

He might be a fuckboy look I know he seems soft but there’s a strong demon in there

I feel like he lives to make women fall for him but may or may not catch feelings himself

He’s the type to woo you hard and then kind of ghost you because he’s in too deep

Down for anything sexually a big switch

He’ll be excited to try new things and beg to hear your dirtiest fantasies

Sexually manipulative, he’ll talk you into anything

He’s so much fun but what a wildcard one night will be just missionary and kissing the next y'all are trying out every position in the Kama sutra

Talks a lot, praise, especially when you are on top

Whiny moans, bucking his hips but trying to be a good boy

He👏 loves 👏curves I cannot emphasize this enough

He’s fucking you from behind waxing poetic

“You’re so sexy. The curve of your spine, the way your lower back dips just before…” Skating his hands along your ass before he grabs a handful

He’s always touching you during, hands and mouth everywhere, soft open mouthed kisses on your throat, your breast, your thighs

King of foreplay

He’ll just touch you everywhere, run his hands along your things as he kisses you, your back, your arms, has you trembling before he ever gets to a sweet spot

Loves to overstimulate you but he’ll let you to it to him, too, he loves making you a mess but he’ll love being a mess for you too

Would love you to tie him up he’s a good boy

If he so desires he’ll turn the tables so quick it’s scary, though, he can talk you into anything, remember?

Absolutely an angel in aftercare, sweetest boy, bring you water and snacks to prepare for round two

Im Changkyun (i.m)

The biggest fucking tease

Will dirty talk you until you are weak in the knees

Sexts you in the middle of the day

“Remember when you rode me from behind? Let’s do that again tonight.”

He doesn’t forget a single moment because he’s watching everything, how your face looks when you’re close, the sounds you make

Inside a week he knows exactly what you’re weak for and will use it to his advantage

Teases you mercilessly when he goes down on you, but when you do come it’s overstimulation city he’s moaning against you and coaxing a second orgasm right after the first

He loves to bite you, oh boy, your inner thighs are covered

But that moan he lets out when you bite his neck? He loves to be marked

Cocky, arrogant in bed at first “I know what you like.”

But as he catches feelings he’s more open with you when he’s inside you than he ever is outside of bed

Emotionally attached to sex so when he starts to fall in love it gets even better

He starts to praise you instead of talking shit

Loves you on top, the awe on his face

Breathy, low moans instead of those usual grunts and growls

“Honey, you kill me, you know that? You were made to fit around my cock, yeah?”

He tries out every position but always ends up in missionary, looking in your eyes, kissing you hard and hungry

He memorizes every curve of your body, every face you pull when you’re coming apart because he wants to be able to call it up when he’s away

Low-key body worship when he’s in his feelings

His praise is very personal, too, he’ll talk about how the freckles on your shoulders are constellations, kiss everyone while he’s fucking you from behind

He makes sure you know what he sees in you

If you want to top him he’ll agree and let you but pretend he’s not into it until you really get going

You’ll break him the first time, he’ll beg you, hips bucking, so loud

He needs a girl who can do both

If you’re bad bitch down for anything he’ll fall in love on sight

So soft in the mornings, Eskimo kisses, murmured praise

[ultraklll]

Tony Miller as a Gun For Hire! Tagged by the lovely @envyfelled ! Ty! This was super fun! Also, I'm on mobile, so sorry for the garbo formatting! (Fun fact, tonys voice claim is laura bailey as fiona/fem!boss)

Paired With Fangs For Hire:

Boomer - "Heya buddy!" followed by excessive scratching behind the ears | "Fuckin' love this dog, can sniff out a peggie like shark sniffing out blood. Good trait to have! Awfully convenient too…" | [patpatapatptpataptap] | "Atta fuckin' boy Boomer!" When she sees him get a kill | "Who's a good boy! Who wants to kill some cultists!" | "Wanna play fetch? Rip out their necks?"

Peaches - "Good girl…" | stealth gang stealth gang | peaches: mows down peggies/tony: a baby!" | "I jus' think it's funny that when we went to the Henbane, we picked up a cougar, Addie, an actual cougar, Peaches, and joined a crew called the Cougars… Just'a thought," 

Cheeseburger - "This reminds me'a Vegas pride, saw plenty'a bears there too" | "Kinda ironic to find you in Jacob's region, all things considered," [snickers to herself] | [PATPATPATPATPATPAT] | "Get outta my pockets! These snacks are mine, not yours!" | "You remind me of those like, beware of dog signs, but the dog is always a sweetheart who'd rather play with a home invader rather than attack them," 

Paired With Other Guns For Hire:

Jess - stealth gang stealth gang stealth gang | Jess has a MASSIVE crush on Tony. Everyone can tell. Tony knows | jess: guns are fucking lame and the sniper rifle is the cowards weapon/ tony: uses a sniper rifle/ jess: actually sniper rifles are cool as fuck | "Good shot Jess!" "S-shit, um, thanks, Tony," 

Grace - sniper gang sniper gang!! | [steals a headshot Grace was lining up] "Cmon Gracie, thought you were meant to be Olympic level!" | highly competitive, do a shot whenever they get a perfect headshot to die instantly | smug top solidarity | also heavily depressed solidarity 

Adelaide - [acts like she's not sleeping with her nephew even tho Addie knows she definitely knows] | Tony is either constantly laughing or constantly face palming over the shit addie says | have gotten into an argument once bc addie said john was a top 

Nick - "What's up eye in the sky?" | [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [flirts over radio] [fli | Nick: speaks/Tony: god I just love the way you fucking talk | often talk about kim together | "Can we have a barbecue at your place once these fuckers are dealt with?" | [pretends not to be bitter the Deputy got to help deliver Carmina and not her]

Sharky - "Heya baby!" | [constant back and forth flirting. It's embarrassing] | any second they're both not talking is a second they're making out | Can and Will go john wick on some peggy ass if he gets hurt badly | "Do you wanna have a sleepover?" "Lemme ask my momma," | she calls him Charlie :> | loves him so so much they're just constantly talking about anything and everything | literally like A Comedic Duo. Have together for certified funnies

Hurk jr. - "Junior! This'll be just like Kyrat!" | competitions about who can shotgun a beer faster every 4 seconds | WILL tell you stories about their time in Kyrat together | Tony has punched Drubman sr in the nose before and she'll do it again | "Hey Tony? You still in contact with Ajay?" "He sends me a royal postcard every now n' then. Apparently it's boring being king, and his only solace is that his new bodyguard is cute," 

In Combat: 

Seeing an enemy - "Fucker in my sights," | "I got a bullet with your name on it… actually I don't, who the fuck has time to carve names in bullets, but you get the idea- im just gonna shoot you now" | "You're dead on arrival, shithead," 

Sneaking - "You'd think me sneaking is counter productive because I'm 6'4 and have a very loud gun, but you're the boss Dep," | "Shhhh… we're huntin' shitheads… Heard it in a game," | [shoots alarm boxes] "You ain't allowed to call your friends, you're all grounded," | *peggy triggers alarm* "Fuckin snitch!" 

Killing an enemy - "SKULLCRACKER!" | "I just don't miss!" | just fucking headshot after headshot after headshot | [sucks in breath through teeth] "God damn I'm good," | when shes not using her Wifle (wife rifle, a 45/70) she's being FUCKING EFFICIENT with her ak-ms or just blasting ribcages open with her shotgun

Reviving - "Up you get, baby," | "You ain't dying on me that easy, Dep" | "Not today Satan!" | "You gonna let some unwashed asshole kill you?" 

Hurt - "Motherfucker!" | "That's another scar I'll tattoo over," | "Thank god people find scars sexy," | "God fuck that's smarts!" 

Downed - "Dep! Give me a hand?" | "Clean up on Aisle 4 needed!" | "Don't worry about me, just bleeding out over here, no rush," 

Revived - "Drinks on me when this is over Dep," | "Thanks babe!" | "I'll kiss you when we get outta this mess," | "I owe ya!"

Driving: 

Entering a vehicle - "Lemme take over I'm a way better driver than you," | "Floor it!" | "Hang on I've got a mixtape, just hope I havent fuckin' crushed it," | [takes the opportunity to roll cigs] | *peggies roll up* "Keep her steady!" [leans out the window and headshots the peggie on their ass, causing them to crash the car, like that isnt the coolest shit you've ever seen] "Aight cool,"

Reckless Driving - "Watch the fuckin' road asshole!" | [desperately tryna grip the wheel so she can take over driving] | "STOP THE CAR! I'LL JUST FUCKING WALK!" | "Are you tryna kill us?! Fuckin' swap seats now!" | tony is the designated driver bc one she's fucking good at it and two shes also a really bad backseat driver. Just let her drive 

Changing Radio Stations - "Now don't tell Charlie I said this but some of the peggies music is actually good,"| "John's a prick but his music taste is fuckin' good," | [punches radio in when Only You comes on] "...Sorry… Force'a habit…" | "Bold and brave my ass, John looks like he needs help getting spiders out of rooms and wears fuzzy pink bathrobes," 

Idle: 

"Man, John's a freak, and yeah I mean that in the sexy way. Someone who demands so much outward control whilst being a shithead little brat likes to get trussed up like a thanksgiving turkey and stuffed like one too. Don't give me that look Dep, I'm right and we both know it," 

"That dude Jacob ate was called Miller?? God, that could've been me if I was much older and way uglier!" 

"Faith just makes me fuckin sad man. She's been manipulated and groomed into this life by fuckin Joseph- she's so goddamn young too. I'm not gonna tell you what to do Dep, but that's just my two cents,"

"Joseph's the worst kind of man- a manipulator. He tells you what you wanna hear, targets the misfortunate who have nothing left to lose, builds a fucking army out of em. The other heralds I'm ok with arresting, but Joseph's got to go,"

[Lights cig with either her fancy lighter or by striking a match on the bottom of her shoe] "Don't start smoking, Dep,  bad for your health," 

Location Specific: 

Testy Festy Aftermath - [pinches bridge of nose] "Not again…" | "Anyone got a water and like, 3 aspirin?" | "Ain't the first time I've woke up passed out in a field, won't be the last," | "Did we at least get a photo from the night? I've won the competitions here for the last 3 years in a row now, I'm not fuckin missing one cuz of these peggies," 

Falls End - "Fuckin shame to see Falls End like this, but Mary May and Jerome will take good care of her now weve got it back, they always do," | "Think we'll get free drinks for life at the Spread Eagle when this is all over? Actually, we probably won't even get free drinks for week, so for life is wishful thinking," | she enjoys playing with the singing fish on the front of the speed eagle and keeps tryna convince Mary May to let her take it for herself bc tony goddamn miller has the biggest singing fish collection in the entire county 

Seed Ranch - *loud whistle* "this place is swanky as fuuuuck… Not that big a fan of all the dead animals though…" | "IS THAT WEED ON THE TABLE? Johnny boy you fuckin' hypocrite!" | "Oh he's definitely got a secret room behind one of these bookshelves, like a home torture room? Oh my God, what if he has more than one...?" [starts frantically pulling books off shelves] | regarding his shelves with peggie memorabilia [takes baseball bat to it] | [pretends she's never been here as she frantically stuffs any of her own belongings she might've forgotten here into her bag]

Entering the Henbane - "Don't trust a goddamn thing you see here. You think you see something you're not supposed to, hit it," | [swinging at bliss induced angel/animal/faith visions] | "Can we try savin' Faith? Don't feel right killin' her, she's so young…" | "Can we go to Sharky's place? I left some stuff there that could be worth picking up,"

Hope County Jail - "Sheriff Whitehorse has always been a good man to me, Dep. Would appreciate it if he lived through this," | "I always feel like a giant whenever I come here, everyones like 5'3. Virgil, Tracey, Charles, all shortasses," | "I think it's cute they gave you a little pin! You're part of their Pride now! Or whatever the cougar equivalent is to a lions pride… do Cougars even travel in packs? Aside from when Addie used take the girls out for drinks,"

Entering the Whitetails - "Always feels like something's watchin' you in these woods. Keep your eyes peeled," | "Always felt like there's something in these woods that there ain't supposed to be…" | [Shifting from foot to foot] "Can we get a move on? Aint'a big fan of standing around waitin' to get shot by some fuckin' sniper with a bow," | [watching Jacob's video punishing Pratt] "I'll fuckin' get you outta here, Stace… you just gotta hold out a second longer," | [about all the dead bodies and 'you are meat' graffiti] "Love what Jacob's done with the place," 

The Wolfs Den - "Eli Palmer is a good fuckin man. Kind, smart, careful and ruthless against peggies. We've made a good friend here, Dep," | "Heya Wheaty! Got a few more vinyls for your collection! They're all my own though, so be careful with em," | "I don't think Tammy likes you that much Dep. I don't think she likes much of anything anymore, other than attaching jumper cables to Peggy's nipples… Oh god, my piercings hurt thinking about it," 

Joseph's Island - [hand firmly on rifle grip] | "Creepy, evil motherfucker, had him pegged right from the start. Well, not pegged. I'm not pegging Joseph. I'd rather stick my dick in a ceiling fan then go anywhere near him- I'm just gonna stop talking," | "You know what? No one else has asked it so I'm gonna- where the fuck does Joseph sleep.  In the church? In one of these houses? In the dirt somewhere? What if he hangs upside down from trees like a bat?" 

[sege-h]

1, 10, 16 for Cyclone. 5, 13, 20 for Storm. 3, 14, 22 for Ry. 11, 23, 31 for Sharp. And 7+29 for all four.

tHESE ARE LONG SO

Cyclone

1. How does your character sleep? Peacefully, fitfully? What position do they sleep in? What is their typical bedding like?

Tbh I don’t know him well enough yet to know if he sleeps peacefully, or be a 100% certain on his position. But he strikes me as someone that sleeps either on his back, or on his side. Tho I do know for sure that his bed is a nice big one, and it’s a mess of pillows and blankets. Some of the covers are soft, akin to silk. It’s just him in his bed but that doesn’t stop him from surrounding himself with pillows, with at least 4 by his head.

 10. How is your oc about medical care? Do they avoid any form of healthcare that they can, do they seek it out over every little scrape? Do they treat their injuries/illness all by themselves?

He usually treats his injuries and illnesses by himself, unless it’s something pretty serious, then he seeks out a doctor.

 16. If your oc could only eat one thing for the rest of their life (while miraculously not suffering from malnutrition), what would it be? Does this match their favourite food?

Oof this is another one that Idk him well enough for. But I know he likes meat, so probably steak? Well seasoned, maybe with some sauce on it. I think he rarely eats things plain, like JUST a steak with nothing on it.

 7. How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Do you have any voice claims for them?

He’s p new but also I suck at describing voices. I don’t THINK he has an accent? Definitely no voice claim. His voice is…idk. Gravely??? I feel like that’s not the right term. Like Idk gravely but more high pitched??? IDK

 29. If your oc was in a video game, what would their idle animation be? (When the player stays still for too long, the animation that plays.)

I feel like it’d be him tapping his foot and going from grinning to a lil frown.

 Storm:

5. Your oc has to make something for an art exhibition. What would they make? How terrible is it? Would they enjoy making it?

Tbh I feel like Storm’s the kind of person to just leave random garbage on the floor and watch people be like ‘hmm’ at it like it’s modern art. Or he’d put in a bit more effort and crush something metal or a soda can in some weird impossible-ish way and just leave it there.

 13. What is your oc’s immune system like? Are they invincible to illness, or are they compromised completely from the slightest of dirt?

He’s somewhere in the middle, honestly? He’s usually relatively okay, but is prone to falling ill when it’s cold/flu season around winter, though when he does get sick he rides it out pretty fast.

 20. Does your oc have any pleasure that embarrasses them so they keep it secret? Or are they open about all the things they enjoy?

He doesn’t have anything that embarrasses him as far as things he enjoys go. Though there are things that he’ll keep secret for the sake of the safety of his friends. He won’t reveal that he lives in a big mansion (the fact that it’s a mansion doesn’t matter to him, just that he has a roof over his head), or just how much he enjoys Zee’s company, unless he’s really close to someone.

 7. How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Do you have any voice claims for them?

Storm’s actually one of my few OCs that has a voice claim! Kind of. The voice from Mugen from Samurai Champloo, but a tad more high pitched. He has a southern accent, though he fakes it. Whether it’s convincingly or not depends entirely on how funny it’d be for it to be obvious it’s fake in the moment HSGDHSGDSH

29. If your oc was in a video game, what would their idle animation be? (When the player stays still for too long, the animation that plays.)

He’d play around with his artificial arm by making crackles of electricity.

 Ry:

3. How easy to annoy is your oc? Do they have common pet-peeves or are they stoic in response to everything? What is their reaction if the source doesn’t stop?

I feel like it’s not easy to annoy him if you’re a stranger, at least as long as you’re trying to annoy him just by jabs at his own person. He’d get more annoyed if jabs aimed at his brother start happening. But otherwise he either brushes off annoyances, or fires back at the people trying to annoy him by trying to annoy them in turn.

 14. Does your oc do anything “just for the aesthetic”? Or are they completely practical in everything?

Tbh 90% of his look is ‘just for the aesthetic’. There are practical uses in the things he uses, such as things that conduct electricity and/or will amplify the power of his element based hits. But there’s also no practicality in the back of his shoes being able to draw from his power and light up and leave an electric trail behind him. It’s all just shiny zappy aesthetics SHDGSHGD

 22.How long can your oc stay focused on one task before they get bored? Do they constantly have to switch things up or do they hyperfocus? What sort of things is it the opposite for?

Unless he’s in some sort of danger where he definitely has to 100% focus on the task at hand and getting out of trouble, he can get pretty bored if what he’s doing isn’t interesting to him. Like he could mess around with the zircon for hours, trying to figure things out about it. But give him, idk, a rubiks cube, and he’ll mess around with it for like 5 minutes before going ‘uGH I cant do it this is boring’ and trying to find something else to do.

 7. How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Do you have any voice claims for them?

Ngl I have 0 idea how to describe his voice and I definitely have no voice claims

29. If your oc was in a video game, what would their idle animation be? (When the player stays still for too long, the animation that plays.)

He’d pause and. Idk how to describe like. Take a stance with his arms on either side of him to make electricity surge over them a few times, kinda like mini lightning crackles.

 Sharp:

11. How competitive is your oc? Is every little task something that they can win, or are they just in competitions for the fun of it? Is there anyone they’re most competitive with?

GOD HE’S SO COMPETITIVE. If you give him ANYTHING and tell him it’s a competition, he HAS to come out on top. Doesn’t matter who he’s up against, especially if you introduce him to it like ‘this is a competition and this other person is SO good at this, I bet they’re better than you at it’ he’ll go fuckin. Feral. SHDGSHDG. He HAS to win and prove that he’s better or at the very least worthy

 23. What is the most annoying sound to your oc? What’s the most pleasant? Is there any reason?

Tones of voice that sound even the littlest bit condescending to him while someone is talking to him HSGDHS He hates being looked down upon, or made to feel like he hasn’t tried his best even though he knows he has. He really really hates the type of talk that makes him feel like the person talking is basically saying they know him better than he does himself.

He loves the sound of rain. He loves rain in general, and if it’s not an outright windy storm, he’ll go out in it. Being out in the rain is connected to him getting to relax and calm down at this point.

 31. What time of day is your oc most awake? What about most tired? Do they get up at the same time every morning without need of an alarm, or is their sleep schedule all over the place?

The morning is when he’s most tired, and the afternoon is when he’s most awake. His sleep schedule is all over the place when it comes to waking up. Sometimes he gets up in the morning without being prompted to, other times he sleeps in. Winter is when his schedule leans more towars “sleeps in” 90% of the time because he’d rather stay snuggled up in bed than get up.

 7. How would you describe your oc’s voice? Do they have an accent? Do you have any voice claims for them?

I ACTUALLY FIGURED THIS OUT RECENTLY AND I HATED HOW IT HAPPENED SHDGSHDGSH

Ok so I had like a clear type of voice for him in my head for months, but no examples of it or ways to describe it. And then a week or so ago there was a video on my dash. You know the purple scientist dude from OK KO? Well evidently he’s voiced by a VA that also voices a character in GTA.

So the video was voice clips from his character in GTA, synced to clips from the dude from OK KO. It had some types of profanities bc ofc it did its GTA, the types that’d normally cause me to stop a video and move along. But I didn’t because the goddamn voice was *perfect* for Sharp. ESPECIALLY how he sounds like when he yells. There’s this one bit where he yells “rrgghHHHH ASSHOLE!!!! EVERYBODY!!!! ASSHOLES!!!!” and it’s goddamn peak Sharp both in the line and in the voice and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. So I just sat there listening to this continuously like ‘wow! I hate when certain things are mentioned but this is Sharp’s voice!!’

 29. If your oc was in a video game, what would their idle animation be? (When the player stays still for too long, the animation that plays.)

God honestly this made me imagine like. You know how in Sonic CD if you leave it for too long, Sonic taps his foot a few times and then when too much time’s passed he just goes ‘I’m outta here!’ and jumps off the screen?

Something like that except instead of occasional foot tapping Sharp’s muttering things like ‘c’mon play the game’. And he progressively gets shoutier like ‘play the game…just…just. PicK UP. THE CONTROLLER!! AND PLAY THE GAME!!!! PLAY THE GAME ALREADY!!!!’ until he finally has enough and lunges at the screen like “juST FUCKIN GO ALREADY GIVE ME THAT CONTROLLER!!!!” shdgHSGDHSGDHS

[sawyersick]

all the questions for that ask game!!! (or as many as you want lol)

holy fuck bee............................. ok get red E its a Lot

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

Idk what I would say but I probably wouldn’t be that freaked out... the last person I texted is a good friend/coworker and I trust him

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

I uhhh can’t remember who the last person I kissed was because it was years ago but let’s assume it was my ex..... he was a toxic pos who tore me down because he had low self esteem so yeah I don’t really like him

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

I would be upset if it was anything more than weed or the ocassional drink or if it was a full blown addiction and I would be mad if they didn’t tell me on principle...

 Also I would not be very comfortable if they did it around me because I’m a weenie despite hanging out in hardcore punk groups...... also I can’t stomach the smell of cigarettes im sorry

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

nope! 

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober, I don’t drink

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

like..... as a significant other? I guess. I’m pretty bad at telling my feelings to people and I’m kinda clingy when I like someone. idk if I’ve ever *explicitly* messed it up tho

7. What does your last received text say?

“sick” and then the sparkly heart emoji five times 

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

lots and lots and lots.... unfortunately. we were together for a year and a half

9. Where was your last kiss at?

fuck bitch I don’t remember.............. school? my house? his house? the pool??? man the last five months of that relationship were affection-less

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

I don’t have one!

11. What do you drink in the morning?

water and sometimes tea

12. Where did you sleep last night?

the car and then my bed when I got home

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

I mean everything takes effort... I don’t find it hard to do things for people in my relationships but I get frustrated when it isn’t reciprocated and I burn out

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

nah

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

yes....................... many..........................

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

I TRIED to be a good emo and like the rain but tbh I get really reasonally depressive so I prefer the sun 100%

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

nope!

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans!

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

hopefully!! I met this real cute punk boy last night

20. Does anyone like you?

HA I doubt it......... I usually come off as the little sister type to most people

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nope! 

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

probably

I suspected that he had internalized homophobia but also he was weirdly transphobic to me so I dropped it and pretended to be a cis girl around him which is weird because I think he liked boys??????????????????

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

YES this girl from high school who talked about tentacle porn to school admins for no reason and did lots of other weird shit 

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes! I have a whale on my hip and I want to get tiny scissors on my arm soon

25. In the past week have you cried?

yes I watched queer eye and a disney movie lol

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

I follow like 12 samoyeds on instagram but the last dog I saw irl was this ADORABLE black lab who was a service dog and he rested his head on his human’s lap when she sat down in the library and I wanted to cry

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

I have a towel hanging right out side the shower so I grab it, then step out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

hm idk I think so? I definitely kissed a guy who played tennis but he forced it on me so I don’t count it

29. Do you think you’re old?

yes because I hate tiktok

30. Do you like text messaging?

I don’t mind it!! The service at my house sucks tho so I prefer cloud based texting like instagram or facebook messenger

31. What type of day are you having?

A good but slow one! I had a really good night last night so I’m just resting now

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

I’d honestly rather get snake bites if I were to get a piercing but in general I’m afraid of facial piercings

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

warm! then I can head down to the lake :)

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

yes! he’s one of my best friends and I talk to him every day and he lives in scotland and I’d like to meet him one day

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship! Flings personally make me feel icky and I’m over that

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

I’d like to think I’m complicated but I’m a simple man..................... you show me whale, I like

37. What song are you listening to?

any song by Liily, all day every day

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yes! I perpetually feel bad about everything!!!!!!39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

there was! but not anymore because she ghosted me for no reason40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

This person is so cute and kind and creative and nice and sweet and fashionable!!!! and fun to mosh with!!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?

half an hour ago ish???42. What is wrong with you right now?

I am constantly depressed and there’s nothing I can do about it exceot keep myself insanely busy but that means there’s no breather for me and also I probably have adhd but can’t afford a therapist43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

FeMaLe dude just say chick

pretty well! I like her favourite band and we talk like once a week at the very least44. Does anyone disgust you?

yes my ex was very nasty and tore people down to his level and also this one person from high school who fucked over my friends 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

depends on who.... eye emoji............. but probably yes I have low standards46. Are you in a good mood right now?

yes!47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my parents? but other than that it was thanking Nick from the band Unpopular Opinion for the lovely tabling opportunity last night48. What color shirt are you wearing?

white T shirt with a cat pink sweater with a cat49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yes one of my parents says nasty things when in a bad mood50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

yes my former best friend who ghosted me and this girl who keeps flaking on plans with me and also a boy who got mixed up in weird drama with me and his ex that I never wanted to be a part of51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

I’ve never really falen hard for anyone, just periods of obsession. I guess I’m waiting for that one sPeCiAl sOmEoNe

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

yes, but I’ll settle for waiting53. Do you like rain?

a little of it!54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

I’d rather they not be a alcholoic because I had a raging drunk coworker who scared the shit out of me once but I guess I’d be okay with the ocasional drink/drunk night as long as they’re safe55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

So many times... I keep my mouth shut because it would never work for one reason or another...... also I’m so SICK of having to make the move all the time I just want to be fawned over I’ve never had anyone do ANYTHING romantic for me 56. Do you like to cuddle?

.......................yes57. Are you shy?

not normally! I LOVE being social but in relationships yeah because I’m insecure58. Do you get along with girls?

yes? girls who don’t get along with girls are lame...... lift each other up don’t tear yaselves down59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

nope! But I’ll admit I thought about it haha60. What do you carry with you at all times?

chapstick, money, and pepper spray

ya boy don’t mess around61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

depends on the haunted levels, as long as the “ghost” would only watch/appear and not scream or whatever or try to make contact I guess that would be fine? but if It tries to disturb me I’m yeeting mysef the fuck outta here because ya boy needs uninterrupted beauty rest62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

yep! I dragged one out for a year and a half when I really should have ended things much sooner than that63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

nope! Been single for around two years now64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

YES HOLY SHIT65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

I fired some pieces in my pottery class! my mugs and bowls came out so well

and I met the cutest punk boy last night!!!!!! he’s so cute and very my type and I got to dance with him in the mosh pit!!!!!!!!!! tell me that’s not the cutest punk thing ever

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

19, 18(17???), and 21

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

I’ve only gotten them done once! It was very enjoyable but I’m a cheapskate so I’d probably rather do them myself68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

leopard print I guess69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

one! A turtle from the Maui Ocean Center. I’d like to add a few more sea-related ones and maybe a totoro I bought at a con a few years back70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

literally who the fuck even are these people71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?   

android 4 lyfe72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

never? my DnD group would get round table or little caesars73. Do you like diet soda?    

I guess? I like it the same as diet soda74. What color are the walls in your room?    

one purple wall and the other three are pastel mint75. Are you 16 or older?    

yeah baybee76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?  

nope  77. Do you have a job?   

yep! I’m a windsurfing instructor   78. What are your initials?    

ZSKMTS

but usually I go by SS79. Did you ever have braces?    

nope! I’ve got near-perfect teeth :D80. Are you from the south?    

nope!

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

I talked about meeting my favourite band again!82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?

no because he forced himself on me when we were young and I think he remembers and is ashamed and also doesn’t live near me anymore    83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

idk, I’m close but not in different ways with both of them84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

I was really good at the tumbling unit in 6th grade85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?   

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? I don’t go to the movies much 86. Do you smoke?    

no the smell of cigarettes makes me want to vomit87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

I love heels but I LIVE in flip flops bc california88. Is your phone touch screen?    

yes???? damn when was this ask game made89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?  

straight.......... I’m too lazy to curl it  90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?  

nope! I’m a weenie  91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

the ocean!!!!!!!! But I guess a pool bc I’m afraid of the flesh eating bacteria in freshwater lakes92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

no but I HAVE made out on some random person’s lawn lmao93. …Had sex in a car?  

no I’m a virgin  94. Are you single or in a relationship?   

single pringle who loves to mingle 95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

selling my art and listening to cool bands and dancing with cute punk people!!!96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? 

the day after the fourth of July   97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yes! I just got a new phone and the camera is way better than my old one

the low lighting setting is  c r i s p 98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?  

I made out with this one friend of mine like twice and then I never did it again bc I felt icky  99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no I don’t drink100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

NAH BRO YOU GOTTA UNFRIEND THE FUCK OUTTA THEM NO RAGRETS 101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

nope I’m a virgin102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

Liily? did you mean Liily???? my favourite Liily song is Wash, Toro, or The Weather103. Do you have any tan lines right now?  

yeah one from the ring I wear every day  and like a shorts tan from summer104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?

hell yeah but ONLY if the cowboy boots are bright red or hot pink no exceptions

[lynxgriffin]

Straight Outta Monster Narnia

HEY HEY I WASN’T EXPECTING TO DO THIS EVER AGAIN BUT WE’RE BACK

I’M GONNA PLAY ME SOME DELTA RUNE HERE

THOUGHTS AS I GO! ARE UNDER THE CUT!

Here we GOOOOOOO~!

Survey Program! Nice! Ominous!

I am here yes!

Truly excellent dude

OH MAKING A VESSEL NOW what are we Xehanort

NEATO I can pick Chara or Frisk heads or others…

Let’s do someone new. This kinda longish hair head.

STRIPES FOR DAYS! Longish sleeves, methinks

The legs are almost all the same LMAO

This is so friggin creepy I l OVE IT

Favorite food is PAIN nah it’s soft

BLOOD TYPE D. D for DOGGO

You have been gifted with kindness, not-XionFrisk

Pain AND seizure. Kinda wonder what happens if you say no tho…

But I don’t want to start over so let’s go with yes

OH FRIGGIN BUUUUURNED BY THE GAME, HAHAHA

Hi Toriel, you’re looking nice!

That’s a lot of friggin trophies over there

Also Kris, you need some eyes

RELIGIOUS SKA

So we have overachieving perfect child and sad boring child, okay

Awww Gerson wrote a book! How neat

It’s only you…..FOR NOW!!!!

It just isn’t home without white fur stuck in the drain, is it

CHAIRIEL’S RETURN!!!!

Also there’s some weird graphical flicker going on when I move and I wonder if it’s not because I’m playing full screen here

“Spray For The Boys, Flamin’ Hot Pizza Flavor” Damn Toby I missed your incredible sense of humor

DOES TORIEL USE PET SHAMPOO please say yes

ASRIEL’S AT COLLEGE AND UNDYNE’S A POLICE MONSTER, PERFECT

PROFESSOR ALPHYS IMMA GET AN A+ IN ANIME CLASS

DAMN who do I pick as my partner

Like…I really want Temmie…but also Snowdrake…

Random snake is also very good…

Ahhh I see this is gonna be pre-determined

HAHAHAHA FUCKIN BURNED AGAIN BY THIS HORRIBLE BLUE DUCK

Thank you cool snake I love your origin story

Oh this reindeer girl is very cute

MOTHA. FOKKIN. SUSIE

I instantly love her, goodbye

Oh Alphys you’re so not good at putting anyone in trouble

I JUST REALIZED TEMMIE HAS HER EGG ON THE DESK

Susie are you eating chalk

Oh sheet I like Susie less now

GAH DAMN THIS ESCALATED QUICKLY

Susie, Kris doesn’t even HAVE a face

Haha totally cut off my answer there

Hmm. I sense…a theme here.

Wow this really is putting on the restrictive aspects here

Now that’s a spooky face

Oh it ain’t gonna be that simple, mean girls

Well, this sure seems like an underground! Also…Kris is green now, okay

Hi there creepy waving things!

To reiterate: this is soooo creepy AND I LOVE IT

Puzzles! We got puzzles again! CREEPY PUZZLES

Whelp, we found Susie, just kinda hiding out in a…dead dust bunny thingie

LOL so much for a party member following you around

Well this is a new and interesting take on the bullet hell mechanics

Such interesting and different architecture

THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESSSSS

Yes let’s take a sudden HARD SHIFT into Final Fantasy

THE QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS that was an MST3K ep you know

About like…Leonardo da Vinci actually. Except he was a whiny bitch

LMAO Susie just “nah destroying the world sounds neat”

JOKESTER SANS GLIDES IN A FLAMING TRICYCLE SURE WHY NOT

VERY DIFFERENT COMBAT SYSTEM

“Dunno how I got an ax but like, that’s cool”

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE REMIXES OF THIS BATTLE MUSIC OKAY

Dunno if there’s a pacifist version of this game but I stick to tradition so I’m gonna try it

RALSEI. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

THE POWER OF FLUFFY BOYS SHINES WITHIN YOU it sure as hell does, game

The heckin heck Ralsei is so cute

Yup yup we gonna try pacifist this first time!

“If you’re reading this…I guess you’re dead.” Fair enough.

Gaster noises when trying to use the cell phone, hmmmm…

It’s an inverse papou fruit!

Susie just up and attacks this cake, all right

Battle is cool but it’s gonna take some getting used to, think I accidentally used both of my items

YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION WON’T SAVE YOU NOW

“It’s like a dinner made out of three glasses of milk” Ralsei you’re SO CUTE

Now to see if TP stays leveled between battles…

“I thought you were running away.” / “Yeah, I finished.”

Fugdamn I want —pictures of Spiderman— remixes of this music ON MY DESK TODAY

FRIGHTENING FANFARE

Damn that puzzle still is tricky

Gah damn that was hilarious but also terrifying

We have the power of FLUFFY BOYS and MEAN GIRLS we are UNSTOPPABLE

Ohhh so that’s what the heart outline does!

Now that is a coooool cat and I like him already

Awww I don’t have enough money for the spooky sword

Susie just roastin’ everybody left and right

THEY GOT BARRY

These mechanics continue to be interesting and a bit more complex

“Damn, didn’t get to impale myself” I’m sure you’ll get your chance Susie

It’s really interesting how we’re basically group-battling to PREVENT the tank from beating the crap out of everyone

Oh now that light trick is weird

They keep throwing the usual chess and playing card guys at us and somehow I’m Suspicious

Is that a bucket. ARE Y’ALL HOMESTUCKING AT ME AGAIN

LMAO did Susie call us the Fuckboys or something

Oh, the Shit Squad, I guess!

THE POWER OF THE SHIT SQUAD SHINES WITHIN YOU HECK YESSSS

“I, Mr. Society, am far too intelligent to ever bow down to such a tyrant!” Hmmm.

Oh, it’s Sir Lion Plateface again

L E G S

THE BOSS JUST DRINKS A GALLON OF MILK THAT’S FINE

Well Ralsei got kinda junked there but WE DEFEATED SIR LION PLATEFACE

Cakes…are also my enemy…

Yeeeeah kinda saw that one coming

Susie I get the feeling you’re not going to enjoy being a bad guy either

Dang son I have no clue what’s going on anymore WE JUST HAD SOME SALSA IN A TREE STUMP

This jack’s got my number

That sure is a three-eyed three-headed cat thingamajig

Awww I like Clover

“All proceeds go to kicking your ass” CAN I USE THIS LINE IN REAL LIFE PLEASE

Hot damn we just squeaky hammered our broken cake into ULTIMATE CAKE

Why does a sweet little boy have a mustache indeed.

Create a machine to thrash your own ass, nice

It’s my beautiful death laser duck! Tops in GUN’S

Man Susie and Lancer are just having the time of their lives here

Finally, respect for pinecone-eaters!

Awww Susie, are you actually starting to worry about someone who respects your eating of chalk and pinecones

Oh thank goodness, got through that maze thing

Yes, finally, it’s our DUCK TANK LASER

Why does it say Tuna on it

“Your design sucked so we blew it up” This is like that one Berlin tour guide I had

GANGED UP ON THEM WITH KINDNESS, HA

Whelp, back to telling enemies that Susie will kick them in the shins I guess!

YES LANCER JOIN THE SHIT SQUAD

OMFG THAT FAAAAACE WHAT IS THAT FACE

Hey we’ve got a full Final Fantasy team now! Neat

STOOL FORME

I like how Lancer just sliiiiiides around outside the party instead of walking with

Hmmm well that friendship feeling didn’t last long

You done got locked in the dungeon

Yup sure did eat that jail moss two minutes in

HUH, we’re controlling Susie now

In which choices do not matter…

SUSIE’S FOKKIN PISSED

And we can’t control her actions…but why controlling the human soul?

A pair of eyes got arrested?! What IS the world coming to?!!

Oh dear, we found a bunch of kings in baby jail

Why are these filthy cages so happy-looking

Awwww Susie joined the party for realizes!

So, this about final boss point for this business?

Why are you guys just sitting on a pile of loot

And just who is this sassy lost child?

BAAHAHAHAAA

HECK YEAH WE GET TO FLIRT AGAIN

I am now BED INSPECTOR yes

Hello again fancy blue boy

“Can…can we see it” / “No.”

This sure is a jammin party with CLUB MUSIC OH HO HO HO

Awww he put his bicycle to bed

‘Welcome to my shop, you ungrateful worms” HELL YEAH

I do not wisheth to hear your MP3s! I would rather listen to the sweet song of Death!

Prepare for a battle with…WHATEVER THIS IS!!!!

JUST FUGGIN CHUCK RALSEI AT SIR LION PLATEFACE, I LIKE IT

Six dollars, for all of that?! Geez

WHELP this looks like final boss time…

Hiiiii there Lancer

Oh dang is gettin serious now

Oh woooow that’s…someone’s fetish right there

HOKAY that was tricky but! Having the defense abilities certainly helped with pacifism through that…

Despite ending this peacefully, I don’t think this scene is gonna end on a happy note…

W H E L P

DAYUM that face from Susie!!

Awwww poor Ralsei

We only have BAD-byes WUAH WUAH WUAAAH

DAWWW lil’ Asriel-lookin dude with glasses (and YES I see that anagram there)

LMAO Susie’s face

EPIC ROCK MUSIIIIIC

Also I’ve really been enjoying the color effects

Awww look at this epic adventure you two had in the closet

So basically we went to Monster Narnia, neat

Awww Susie likes Monster Narnia

Oh no we worried Toriel! THE WORST

LIBRARBY

YOU STUDY THOSE HOT DEMON COMICS FOR COLLEGE, TEMMIE

Hiiii Toby you busy makin’ something!

ALPHYS NO, YOU BETRAY MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE

OFFICE UNDYNE, DOn’T ARREST ME

I like reindeer girl’s rowdy hospitalized dad

PARTY ANIMAL TORIEL CONFIRMED

I like how there’s just a poster on the wall in this room that reads PAIN

The police tape simply reads NGGAAAAAHHHHH!

Good grief there’s SO MUCH STUFF TO EXPLORE HERE BUT I HAVE TO KEEP GOING

Snowdrakes don’t have arms, oh no!!!

“Does it hurt to be made of blood??” ….Yes. Yes it does.

HIIIIIIIII SANS

Woah woah woah WOAH WOAH SANS

Everyone is here! Even Ice Wolf!

Yes I’ll take a Double Ice Pizza you weirdos

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD IT’S BURGERPANTS

10 OUT OF 10 GAME NOW

HIS FACES!!!! “C H I C K S”

That was brilliant, Burgerpants, thank you for existing

Catty!!! Hey where’s Bratty!

Noooo you gotta be besties with Bratty!

Brother Doug…?

Oh no, Mettaton, come out and talk to us!

ASGORE, HELLO

OMG Asgore hugs

Soul flowers….???

Awwww got some flowers for Toriel

THE GAY GUARDS IN THEIR GAY FLANNEL, YAY

It’s so late but I can’t stop until I’ve talked to LITERALLY EVERYONE

Thaaaat’s politics! …Rarely.

Comes to church for the fruit juice, sounds about right

DOG GRAVE, NO

Let’s go into the woods…what could go wrong…

Why can’t I get into the creepy shed…

Well, I think I got everything, so let’s go home now…

ASRIEL MAINS YOSHI IN SMASH CONFIRMED

Awwww Toriel is not big on Asgore’s bouquet!

OKAY decided to go to sleep here.

…Well that didn’t work out great

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

UUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT??????????

WHAT????????????

WHAT?????????

HAHA I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUK HAPPENED IN ALL OF THIS BUT UH. WHEN’S CHAPTER TWO??

THAT SURE WAS A HELL OF A THING

No really Toby please WHAAAAAAATTT

OKAY I HOPE I DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING IMPORTANT BYYYYEEEE

[rxcusant]

Lol explain Kingdom hearts to me. Like all of it. Cause I'm confused as fk. Not KH3 tho cause I'm still going through it.

buckle up lads

so theres a buncha keyblade masters called foretellers and theyre all runnin round like headless chickens cause their master disappeared and nobodys telling each other anything so they all start fightin (except this one guy luxu voiced by max mittleman, he grabbed a box and high tailed it outta there) and then it sparks a keyblade war for all the light in kingdom hearts i think ??? and then i legit forget what happens from here because i hate ux with every fiber of my being but it made this cool place called a keyblade graveyard, its pretty dope.

fast forward 1000 years and we got the cool wayfinder trio all living in land of departure about to take their mark of mastery except terra doesnt pass because Mark Hamil Said Darkness Sucks. also we meet this old guy Xehanort he kinda sucks a lot. theres these enemies called unversed rolling around and mark hamil tells aqua and terra to go stop them but ventus said HEY IM COMING TO and ran after terra so aquas left to be the mom to bring them both home idk and its revealed ventus is made of pure light and xehanort literally split the darkness form his heart and it made vanitas-- hes responsible for all the unversed, he sucks, we dont like him but we love him-- in an effort to forge this thing called the X-Blade (PRONOUNCED LIKE KEY BLADE I HATE THIS SERIES) that will open the door to kingdom hearts, and the x-blade can only be made when pure light and darkness clash, and like... restart the keyblade war and bring about balance?? idk. And xehanort wants to live long enough to see this happen so he literally possesses terras body. Cool! Just what the poor guy needed. Ven and vanitas fight and ven sacrifices himself so he goes to take a Very Long Nap and vanitas just dies like the bitch he is. But ven’s heart finds his way to baby 5yo sora who decides HEY ILL HOARD YOU IN MY HEART FOR THE NEXT 11 YEARS and thats why roxas looks like ventus. Aqua yeets him in the land of departure and then like..locks the world up and it turns into castle oblivion.  meanwhile terra and aqua punch each other and terras about to fall into a darkness pit but aqua sacrifces heself to get him out and so she ends up trapped there for 11 years and terra??is now terranort and has amnesia and this old dude Ansem The Wise finds him and adopts him and an apprentice. yeah. bet he wont regret that decision ; )

10 years later kh1 happens and sora and riku and kairi are chilling on destiny islands until it explodes and riku fucks off to the darkness and kairi fucks off to soras hearts -- i hope she said hi to ventus in there-- and sora ends up in traverse town where he meets donald and goofy. YOU SEE king mickey of disney castle also fucked off because worlds are disappearing to darkness and he left donald and goofy a note to go find The Key cause thatll help. so they do and they journey around with sora and become good buddies i love the trinity trio so much. eventually they meet riku at hollow bastion again and hes been posssessed by this dude Ansem whos not Ansem the Wise but is actually Xehanort’s Heartless (i hate this fucking series) and they find kairis comatose body chillin in the corner and they have a fight scene thats engraved in the memory of Everyone whos ever played PS2 KH1 KAIRI! KAIRI! OPEN YOUR EYES! ITS NO USE. THAT GIRL HAS LOST HER HEART. SHE CANNOT WAKE UP. oh my god why didnt they add a skip scene button. anyway they punch the possession outta riku and sora stabs himself with the keyblade to release kairis heart BUT it also releases his own heart which created his nobody, Roxas, who got vens heart???who thats why he looks like ven?? and it created namine who is kairis nobody because??i honestly forget i hate this goddamn series. anyway soras a heartless for a few minutes but kairi got her heart and life back and wanted to get some sweet sweet screentime and so she saved sora and restored him Thank you kairi. so sora dumps kairi off at traverse town and goes to give Ansem / Xehanort’s Heartless a good ol ass whopping ad they win and restore the worlds but kairi and sora are separated again I’LL COME BACK TO YOU, I PROMISE! I KNOW YOU WILL! WHEN YOU WALK AWAY YOU DONT HEAR ME SAY PLEAAAAAAASE OH BABYYY DONT GO oh also riku and king mickey and sora closed the door to kingdom hearts and trapped riku and mickey in the realm of darkness, that was a thing.

and then chain of memories happened. theyre in castle oblivion!!! whoa!! we meet the organization for the first time! whoa!!! we meet namine!! whoa!!! so like namine has sora-memory powers and can tinker with his memories and the memories of everyone hes connected to (AND HOLY FUCK IS THAT BOY CONNECTED TO A LOTTA PEOPLE NAMINE IS VERY POWERFUL) and the organization is making namine rewrite soras memories as he progresses throuhg castle oblivion to turn him into marluxias pawn so he cna use sora to like..overhtrow the organization, i think?? i hate this seriees. but it all works out in the end except soras memories are so scrambled he decides to sleep for a year to get all the right ones back. MEANWHILE RIKUS IN THE BASEMENT OF CASTLE OBLIVION and hes fighting his own demons i mean darkness i mean ansem i mean xehanorts heartless and he meet up with mickey a few times and then he meets DiZ and he also meets a replica of himself--yeah by the way the organization is making replicas, That Sure Wont Ever Be Referenced Again : )-- and its this game that rikus like YEAH I CAN USE THE DARKNESS AS POWER AND STRENGTH and HES GONNA WALK THE ROAD TO DAWN and then every riku rper put dawn in their url and i got confused trying to keep them all straight lord please help me im a little ol sammi

then we have 358/2 days for the DS which i never replayed cause it was tedious af which is all about the organization and roxas’s time in the organization and meeting his best buds axel and xion and saix standing in the corner being a jealous little binch PLEASE SAIX JUST BE NICE THEYLL GIVE YOU ICE CREAM TOO IF YOU ASK POLITELY Xion is another replica except shes a replica of sora but something got messed up and she got his memories of kairi which is why she looks like her but with black hair for whatever reason, i think nomura just wanted a cool goth girl to add to the series and we all thank him for it, and she and roxas become so close they kinda start influencing that weird memory shit going on and xion keeps trying to leave the organization to set things right but axel always gets stuck with the icky jobs and we got the iconic GO ON YOU JUST KEEP RUNNIN BUT ILL ALWAYS BE THERE TO BRING YOU BACK and i think around this time roxas is also super fed up with the organization and decides FUCK YALL IM DONE and punches saix and leaves. but xion finds him and they have a cool boss battle sequence got i love you xion you are a POWERHOUSE but roxas defeats her and she dies and its the saddest thing in the world AND NOBODY REMEMBERS HER WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT!!!! anyway roxas decides hes gonna punch kingdom hearts next cause it was xions last wish but riku, who is sporting a cool blindfold for edge, is like HEY WE NEED YOU TO WAKE UP SORA and roxas is all SORA THIS SORA THAT I DONT GIVE A FUCK and tey fight! and riku loses cause roxas has two keybladees! OBLIVION IS THE BEST KEYBLADE IT LOOKS SUPER COOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH WOW but riku rips off his blindfold and summons the darkness and he takes on ansems, xehanorts heartless, appearance and he squeezes roxas until he passes out and then they yeeted roxas into a data twilight town for a few days.

so enter kh2 with the 6 hours roxas tutorial in the data twilight town until he goes to find sora and returns to him. SO FINALLY AFTER AN ENTIRE YEAR sora wakes up with all his proper memories and so does donald and goofy and theyre like COOL LETS GO FIND RIKU AND KING MICKEY and they go journeying around the worlds again to stop the organization. meanwhile axels gettin desperate to see his best friend for life roxas again and kidnaps kairi but shes like HEY I AINT HAVING THAT and runs off and ends up in twilight town but axel finds her and kidnaps her anyway but then saix kidnaps her to the world that never was. and so soras like WE GOTTA GO SAVE KAIRI AND RIKU NOW cause by the way earlier like midpoint of the game maybe Mickey was like SAY FELLAS DID SOMEONE MENTION THE DOOR TO DARKNESS and its one of my favorite quotes in this hell franchise, so like THYE KNOW KING MICKEY IS OK that just leaves kairi and riku and stopping the organization. so they find kairi and they find riku and sora cries a bit and im just happy the destiny trio is together again. And DiZ showed up again, hes actually ansem the wise, and he talks about computers and hearts and research and xemnas, the organizations leader, is likeI WAS YOUR APPRENTICE! BUT YOU DIDNT LET ME DO ILLEGAL HUMAN EXPERIMENT SON HEARTS SO I KICKED YOU OUT AND RREMOVED MY OWN HEART AND THATS WHY THERES A HEARTLESS AND A NOBODY OF XEHANORT and ansem the wise is like YEAH BITCH and he explodes and riku turns back to normal but he also really needs a haircut. so they go punch xemnas in his zebra coat and riku and sora chill in the realm of darkness for about ten minute son the beach, i guess aqua was hanging out somewhere else, and they get a message form kairi in a bottle and the door to light opens and they go home and it was literally!!!!! a better fucking ending!!!! than kh3!!!!!!!!! thats my tea!!!!!!

so then we have KH3D, dream drop distance, which begins telling us ‘hey when you kill a heartless and a nobody that person is gonna be recompleted so uhhhhh xehanorts coming back Thats Not Good, make sora and riku do their mark of mastery test in the realm of sleep to get the power of waking’ and thats the whole game but its great because flowmotion! dream eaters!  TWEWY TWEWY TWEWY T W E W Y!!!!!! playable riku!!! fun worlds!!! soriku!!! except KH3D’s fatal flaw is THEY INTRODUCED TIME TRAVEL INTO THIS FUCKING COMPLEX HELL HOLE I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM FOR THAT. anyway rikus been doing a great hecking job!!!! except sora ended up in twtnw and kept chasing the dreams into the deepest pit of slumber and the organization broke his heart so they use him as one of xehanorts vessels [gesutres to my blog with will smith arms] yeeah babey. and riku is understandably like HEY GIVE ME MY FRIEND BACK and xehanort is like FUCK OFF TWINK and mickey and donald and goofy and axel, whos been recompleted as lea, arrive and steal comatose sora back form xehanort and xehanort monologues about the X-Blade split into 20 pieces- 7 of light, 13 of darkness- and so hes gonna make 13 vessels of darkness with his heart inside them and the guardians of light gotta gather 7 lights to clash and bringg about the keyblade war or bring about kingdom hearts, i-- i literally hate this series so much Why do you think i went on a year long hiatus??? i needed to calm the fuck down-- either way xehanort yeets off with his darknesses and soras STILL comatose and rikus like I WILL DIVE INTO HIS SLEEP AND SAVE HIM BECAUSE DEARLY BELOVED IS PLAYING AND if i continue this joke someones bound to get mad at me for ‘’’pushign a soriku agenda’’’ BUT YKNOW WHAT, RIKUS A REAL MVP AND PUNCHES A NIGHTMARE VEN AND SAVES SORA AND SORA HUGS HIM AND ITS GREAT AND I LOVE MY SONS SO MUCH and the kh3d ends with them saying ‘hey look kairis gonna do something!’ but Little Did We Know.

and thats your summary of what the fuck happened in kingdom hearts. i hate this game so much.

[countcalebwrites]

My military experience Pt. 1

I wanted to travel and get the fuck outta Louisiana. My dad and my brother had air force experience. I figured I’d join them. So I called a recruiter and started the process. My mother was really angry.

Shit man. A lot of my cousins around where I was raised are drug dealers. I was a late teenager who was homeschooled that wanted to get away without tons of college debt. The military just seemed like the answer. So I went to the recruiter. Had to train for a few months and make sure I was able to run and be in shape.

My body and running don’t mix. I have an uneven natural balance and my feet are large (I wear size 17) and rigid with no shock support. When I run, my back my hips, and my feet hurt. A lot. I remember running one morning and trying to take all the pain I possibly could and then fainting on the side of the road. This one lady stopped her car and said “oh I thought you were dead”

Awkward.

Anyway, my physical shape was acceptable. I still couldn’t run but I hoped that’d fix itself somehow down the line. I had to focus on the other part: passing the test to get in in the first place. So eventually I got transferred to a base in New Orleans. I had my own hotel room! (that I ended up sharing with this navy dude but whatever) My memory a little hazy but I remember there was a waitress at the restaurant connected to the hotel, and while we were eating, the navy dude made a motion like he was sucking her boobs. I don’t know why I felt the need to share that detail, but yeah. She did have big boobs I guess.

Anyway, we go to the base to take the tests. I think first test I took was the ASVAB. Something like that. Just know it’s an air force assessment test. I had sinus issues and my nose kept running while I was taking the test so I took it slower than my peers I remember. I didn’t want anyone to see my nose running so I waited a bit so I could sneak out unseen and maybe get to the bathroom for some tissue. When I walked out, I instantly get handed the test and everyone is looking at me and the guy is like “nice young man you got an 84!” and everyones looking at me and clapping. Then someone is like “yeah we were waiting on you, about time”

I’m just trying to make sure no one is noticing my nose running the whole time.

Awkward.

I was happy with my score. I didn’t study for the test or anything and it was high enough to get me the job I wanted: Cyber Systems Operator. My main goal with the military was to get computer science experience for 4 years and go get a programming job or something.

Anyway, I had to do physical tests too. The recruiter kept saying don’t mention things you don’t need to mention or you’ll probably get sent home. I understood what he meant. We had to take a drug test. I remember going to the bathroom and this black dude was like yeah do your thing brotha. I was like aight…

I was pretty proud of myself that I was able to piss on command like that. One dude kept having to go back and drink water.

I also remember us getting our blood drawn for something. This one army dude who kept talking all tough was yelling and screaming when the nurse went to draw his blood. The nurse was like “Are you really…a grown man..afraid of getting your blood drawn?”

When it was my turn she said “I hope you not gonna cry like that last guy” lmao

I remember a doctor having to examine me and he asked if I had any birthmarks and I told him I have one near my chest. He asked to see it and I said I didn’t feel comfortable taking my clothes off for that. He looked really annoyed. Later I get the same doctor for another test where he has to feel my balls for something. So I told him “well since you know….we’ve gone this far…I guess I can show you my birthmark. And sorry.”

He told me it didn’t matter anymore and he understood my anxiety.

After all that, it turns out I was SPECIAL and had to go to a doctor who wasn’t on the base about my ears and my feet. So I had to stay in the hotel again then head to the appointments they set for me

My new roommate was an army guy. I didn’t really know much about him but he liked putting the TV on cartoon network. He didn’t seem like he wanted to kill people or anything. Just some white dude who said he wanted to be a cook or something, I don’t remember.

So anyway, I head off to my appointments. I first went to a doctor for my foot. I remember a really hot receptionist chick. I was like damn I wish I lived in New Orleans. I was afraid to make eye contact with her!!! I felt so adultish, filling out paperwork and etc on my own while being afraid of a hot receptionist chick. The doctor talked to me and the whole convo was basically I don’t know if your foot can handle it but hey, might as well try. I agreed.

The other doctor I saw cleaned my ears and things suddenly were louder to me. That blew my mind. I had never really been to an ear doctor before and I didn’t know that was possible.

Blah blah. I go back to the base. After I wait in the waiting room for like 8 HOURS I finally got to go back home. I’m not exaggerating 8 hours. I saw Gridiron Gang and some other movie and I played Halo. I remember when I was playing Halo there was a black chick next to me giving me advice. She was like “you gotta shoot them!!” and I was like “thank you for telling me that I have to shoot people. in this shooting game” She was kinda cute but her yelling was making me nervous which is why I was just like ok I’ll just put the TV back on movies.

So fast foward I end up going back to the New Orleans base months later and I got sworn in as a trainee! I remember this one fellow air force dude said the plot to Inception was bothering him a lot so I tried to explain it. I don’t think my analysis got through to him, but whatever. We get our plane tickets and all that shit. I remember one dude was like “Damn our souls basically belong to the government now” and I was thinking “wow kinda late to be thinking about that huh??”

Fast forward we on the plane. I didn’t get seated next to my fellow air force ppl. I sat by this white lady leaving New Orleans. She was really nice to me. I was kinda spooked by it. I was like “why is this white lady being so nice, she plottin some shit??”

She asked if I was a boy scout or something cause I walked in with a bunch of other teen boys and I was like “Nah we air force” etc. She told me “Thank you for your service” and I was like “well I didn’t really do anything yet ma’am haha” (and I wanted to say I’m doing this to make a better life for myself not for the country but whatever)

I got off and got on another plane in Texas. This plane had a lot more military ppl on it. I sat by this black dude from chicago. He told me I seem really chill, then he pointed at a dude in front of us and said “see that dude? He’s 18. And married.”

“what an idiot. I’ll fuck a girl but I ain’t about to marry her you know??”

I just kinda nodded and said something like “heh yea I’m not tryna do relationships right now, especially marriage tho”

Off the plane. And the whole atmosphere changed. I suddenly felt anxious. I was right to feel that way.

Suddenly people are yelling “GET ON THE BUS” and etc. I realized this is it. This is the start of training. I got on the bus. They explained a bunch of shit to us and told us to walk in the building. This training instructor kept yelling NIKE and I was like who that. And I had a nike shirt on. He was talking about me. Oh shit. I don’t really remember much stuff here but I remember getting yelled at a lot. Stuff like “get up the stairs you moron!” and etc. I later found out these verbal insults are scripted and I shouldn’t take them to heart.

After a bunch of brainwashing seminars and shit we get sent to our dorm. The training instructor who escorted us there was this white man and he swore a few times. Then he told us that if we like rap then we shouldn’t be offended by the swearing. I guess his logic made sense. I didn’t really care but yeah.

The next day we get our REAL training instructor. A black dude. Dude was ripped. And terrifying cause he seemed like he had mood swings. Another  scripted Training Instructor trait. We had to go get our underwear, uniforms, etc. I remember when I had to get my boots. They didn’t have any boots in 17. I was confused. and afraid. I just took a random pair and walked off and this one lady called me back and gave me a pair of 16s. They fit pretty decently. But I was late because of all that. So when I rejoined with the group, the instructor was like “and that’s how you cuff your pants” and I was like “shit. this is gonna come back to haunt me isn’t it??”

It did. I got yelled at for not having my pants cuffed properly several times.

Here’s another thing about my foot: I also can’t stand for long periods of time. I can walk around just fine. But standing in place hurts too. I get fidgety and shift my body to stop the pain. That got noticed by my instructor very quickly–he eventually pulled me aside and asked me what my problem was. I told him and he told me I should go to the doctor soon.

I went to the emergency room. These two chicks had basically graduated from training were there for something, don’t really remember. They asked what was wrong and I said my foot. They went “Awww” and I honestly didn’t know how to take it because there’s this kinda toxic masculine culture I picked up quickly in the military so I couldn’t tell if they were being sarcastic or really saying “aww poor you”

Anyway, I saw the doctor. He told me “hah, you’re fucked” after looking at my foot, which was turning blue. In those words. He asked where I was from and I told him. He mentioned the term “Coonass” that he picked up from when he was stationed in Louisiana. When I told him “coonass” is probably a racist term, he told me “whoa woops I didn’t know.”

He told me he liked me cause I was really laid back and jokey with him despite all what was going on and wrote a waiver saying I can sit or exclude myself from physical activity whenever I wanted.

Hell yeah! (Kinda)

I wasn’t going to be able to graduate with that waiver, so in the end, it was just a temporary relief thing.

I took a psych eval test somewhere in this week and it asked all kinda questions about mental state, suicide, depression, etc. I admitted I was depressed. It was very depressing being in this hostile environment with a foot that was preventing me from doing everything properly.

I later got called in by the psych eval people. I was really worried that saying I was depressed was gonna get me in trouble or something. Turns out I had left a question blank.

“Have you ever considered suicide?”

Well….damn. I think I spaced out when I saw that question. I told the truth. I did as a younger teen. (and I was getting close to there in this situation, because I felt like dead weight and my brain was going numb, but I wasn’t going to tell that psych eval dude that)

He asked why I didn’t do it and I told him because it would bring too much stress on my family. That was that. Back to my dorm. I had an appointment scheduled for my foot (a doctor that wasn’t an ER doctor). Somewhere in all that, I remember we had this speech by this Carl Winslow looking ass instructor. He walked in and said “Yo ass is grass, and I’m the lawnmower.”

My dad told me that quote a lot. I smiled because I finally realized where he got it from.

I didn’t smile after he told us that the government owns us and could sentence us to death if we don’t cooperate though.

Anyway, I remember going to church. You (kinda) have to go. You don’t HAVE to, but if you don’t, you gotta stay back in the dorm and clean up. I’d rather pretend to listen than do that. So yeah. There were two sessions. First session was this small study session or something. This lady put on this christian military music video and I found it a perfect time to nap a bit, as I was pretty sleep-deprived. I woke up and this dude was crying saying it was so touching to see the story of the troop guy coming home to his wife. I was like “yea dope or whatever” (I didn’t see it, as I slept)

After that, we got to the main part of the church. There were different kinds of services you could go to. Even wiccan! But I chose christian, cause I didn’t really want to stand out or anything. It was ALL PROPAGANDA.

Like extremely. The preacher said God wants you to go fight and God doesn’t like cowards. I was like “Alrighty then” and started tuning out anything after that. Whack ass shit.

Fast forward, got to go to my doctor’s appointment. The air force was coming off some type of sex abuse scandal, so the rule was: you can only travel in groups of 2 or more. You cannot travel alone. So I had a partner to come with me. I went to my doctor’s appointment and the doctor told me my foot issue will probably only get worse and I should probably seperate from the military unless I can somehow numb the pain. Damn. I walk out, and my wingman is gone. I was stranded at the damn’s doctor office for hours and I ended up missing lunch. Cool.

I remember calling the office for my dorm and explaining my situation. He kept saying “Trainee, where’s your wingman?” and I kept saying “I don’t know.” Then he said “”You are a waste of The USA’s resources. Goodbye.” and hang up. That kinda hurt my feelings lmao but the doctor near me told me “well it’s not your fault”

That was that. I got transferred to another dorm later. I’ll continue this another time and talk about what happened in that dorm and the end of my military career.

P2 here

[thegeminisage]

today’s zeldablogging, big big huge very much spoilers everywhere:

WHERE DO I EVEN GO FIRST there is. so Much

out towards the ocean, i suppose...i see a shrine, and something else glowing that could be a settlement or lava or even a great fairy, and there are those islands to think about

GOD IT'S A COMBAT SHRINE a minor test of strenth okay okay i can do this

oh pffft that was easy

and i got...a giant ancient core, which sounds nice but probably won't let me upgrade my rune

how come the bokoblins can use bomb arrows in the rain and i can't?!

OH MY GOD....

first skeleton bokoblins, then skeleton lizalfos, and now skeleton moblins?!?!

wish i had marked that other glowing thing with a pin...i can't find it now lol

and i am at the islands!! man these bridges sure are tiny and high up

all this climbing i want to do and its about to rain :/

oh good. more flying guardians :|im trapped on top of this island in the middle of a lightning storm in the night besieged by moblin skeletons and keese swarms and my only non-metallic weapon is a korok leaf smh

mkay i am All Done with the islands im gonna warp back to the tower and mark the glowy thing this time

oh they just look like mushrooms?? well i'll go pick them i guess

OH OMG IT'S A FAIRY FOUNTAIN SKDFGH YES!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!!

only 500...but i know it gets worse :| im saving up

oh this one is blue!! how pretty

haha i still think they look more like mermaids...can't see their legs and they pop up outta water :3

OMG I SEE THE FIRE DRAGON

THE DIN ONE

IN THE DISTANCE AAAAH!!!!

so far away ;u;

i can't even take a good picture!!!!

oh no

oh NO

skeleton moblins...and now a skeleton hinox ;___;

...skeletons only take two hits. im gonna go fight it

omg the hinox fight music plays nooooo rip m having eventide flashbacks

oh my god! wow! okay! this one takes more than two hits!!

it's lightning too i can't even use my bomb arrows what did i get myself into........

OMFG HE IS TEARING OFF HIS OWN RIBS TO THROW AT ME LSKDJFHG

oh the lightning is a hinox thing. Great i only have metal weapons rn

aaaand he ran away with the dawn. ok

oh dude this shrine is cool you have to like play putt putt golf hahaha

OMG IM GOING TO CRY

i found another memory and it's of zelda saying she's prayed all her life like her father wanted and she still can't make the gods hear her......im so sad for her

there's nothing wrong with you my sweet daughter!!!!

this is cool tho the talk of her father and mother and grandmother and link's father

they have families and lives, it's so neat, i wish i knew more about them

tho ofc almost everyone who knew and loved link is long dead now......

ah. i paraglided her, but

to get out i have to bypass all these flying guardians. Great

NO SKDFGJH ONE SAW ME

so its laser grazed me and only took one heart and i was like thats it?! i'll fight you!!

then i got hit directly and it nearly killed me so now im running

NOOOO THERE'S A LYNEL HERE JESUS GOD

I JUST WANTED TO GET TO THE SHRINE AND I RAN RIGHT INTO HIM SDLFGJH

god and a blue hinox in the way too Why

omg i unlocked a monster shop lskjghf now i will see him in villages at night!!!

ah the shrine is on top of this huge rock pillar, how do i...?

maybe i can glide from a nearby cliff!!

okay...okay...it's not sheer rock, there must be resting places, if i glide form here maybe i can do it

i can't glide from where i'd like bc of the hinox (:

I MADE IT

they better not make me solve a fucking puzzle too

ah good they didn;t

FLAMEBLADE thats so badass

oh god another blue lynel

maybe it's even the same one

my dude i just wanna travel....i promise, i promise

FINALLY the akkala research lab!!!

dude better have some sick duds or something for me i swear to god

the music in here is lit i love it

uh

there's a...blue glowing statue

looks like something out of the tower of the gods awww

haha it's damaged! poor thing

this old man like "show me the wounds on your body you suffered" bro are you asking me to strip

oh my gOD his electric guitar pose thing

jesus chrkjrgh

EVERYONE IN THIS GAME IS A GIANT HAM

im doing a quest where you have to carry fire

AND IT STARTS RAINING

this game has made me LOATHE rain! i thought that was impossible and yet!!!!!

im running out of map stamps :/ why would you give me a world this big and limit me to only 100...?

aaaand it's raining

and my ONLY TORCH BROKE god i keep accidentally using it to hit things!!!

FINALLY i did it!!!!! god that was so tedious

oh my god this guy could make me such amazing gear, but i don't have the materials </3

now to check out this maze building it looks super weird and i can see a shrine in it......

how the fuck are you even supposed to get there i hope my glider can take me

lovely. the wind's blowing against me and i see flying guardians from here

noooo they're EVERYWHERE and i have to do a MAZE oh my god

i can solve it on my map and mark the dead end routes, fortunately

i still kind of want to explore those routes lol

oh they're so bare......maybe not

if i miss something like a korok seed or whatever a guide will direct me back here later

or...maybe not

i mean im next to the shrine but it's surrouned on all sides by wall?

bet it's too tall to climb even with potions and my gear

ooh or if it isn't those lfying guardians will fuck me up in a snap

YES i got lucky and found my way in from the top

or no i found...a sword, great, how do i get into the SHRINE

YES here it is

dude i got an ATK+ helmet!! i got GEAR!!!! YES

AAAAH I GOT ATTACKED AS SOON AS I GOT OUT

nope fuck this im fast traveling. goodbye forever, maze island

geez i guess that must be nearly it for this province then i got one shrine left i think and then i could........go to death mountain?

tbh kinda tempted to go back down to lake hylia but i'll pass for now, i want more Plot

i suppose i didn't do akkala beach but it's small and remote so i'm ok with that for now - i can clean up the endgame stuff later when better guides are out

there's a stable next to this shrine!! yay!!!!!!

omg there's a goron here!!!!! hi!!!!!!!!!!!!

finally hit 10k rupees

ooh this guy is talking about a legendary sword...GIMME MY MASTER SWORD

tbh i'll be disappointed if there's no special quest to get it tho like you just...find it? kinda weak

AAAH I CAN CHANGE MANES HERE........jemma has a floral mane now ;w;

too bad i didn't find this before, i can't ride her up death mountain, unfortunately - it's so much faster to fast travel, and she might get hurt, and i'll have to get on and off of her so much... ):

oh wait, i haven't explored the lake yet! i forgot! i can take her there <3

all the guardians here scared the shit out of me but they arent functional, thank god

NO FUCK THERE ABSOLUTELY IS A LIVE GUARDIAN HERE.....fuck fuck i can't KILL them

omg no i see TWO of them

if it was just one i might try my luck, but...no way

i'm sure in the future i'll be able to get more guardian arrows but right now i have, like, 4? so i can't waste them

and when i have the guardian armor that'll help too but. not Now

aaah i found somsone whose ancestors died at that tower...apparently the last stand was made there at what used to be the fortress after the castle fell ;_; and he wanted to pray there but it's too dangerous and i am AD oh my god

i can see the death mountain tower and a shrine from the akkala tower, but i can only reach the shrine by gliding. the tower is surrounded by (UGH) snow

lol the shrine is by a stable too

AAAH kass is here!!!!!!

AWWW he said the song he's playing was used by the ancient hero to call his horse!! gonna cry omg

bro lmao there's an ostrich running around here what kinda shenanigans

oh my god this dried lava under the tower is SO COOL it's so BIG and i feel so SMALL

ah, eldin tower - so this is the eldin province

wow the first stops are quite a ways up on this one! lucky i have so much stamina

ooooh my gosh the eldin map is HUGE and FULL OF LAVA im not sure im Prepared for this!!!

lol in a fun twist the temperature gets HOTTER as i gain altitude. ohhh man

i guess...i wanna do plot. i'll try to make it to goron city, and come back and explore later

when i have more fireproof elixirs lol rn my inventory is packed so i could only buy 3

oh my god i can't use wooden weapons, my arrows turn into fire arrows as soon as i get them out, even the loot will catch fire if you leave it too long, this is Intense

OH MY GOD A STONE TALUS BUT IT'S LIKE, MAGMA-Y

okay this is cool i wish i hadn't waited so long

lmao i accidentally drank a defense elixir and erased my fireproofness early OOPS

omg you can't use bomb arrows either dkgjhdfg the heat makes them explode instantly

unfortunately the only thing that makes a dent is ice arrows and i just don't have enough rn....BUT I WILL RETURN god that is so cool okay anyway

all right......i really like this region. normally i'm a water person, ESPECIALLY in zelda games, but rain and lightning have been nothing but a pain in my ass since i started playing. maybe i was ready for some #Heat

HA there's the fucking blood moon good thing i DIDN'T kill him it would have been erased right after

the blood moon looks kinda cool when the air is already like this tbh but i still hate it

like on a gameplay/story integration level it's a cool way to explain monsters coming back

but also im angry on behalf of hylians and everyone else like

no matter how hard they fight every month it comes back, it's all in vain

the music here is super cool, also

omg i found a little camp of gorons!!

ooh, a hylian...and he'll give me fireproof armor for lizards OOOO:

hahahaha...they can't dig up ore because of a lizard monster

my heart twisted, fondly

geez i wish i had time to catch some lizards...........

i caught a few but not 10, and i only have one elixir left, since i used one early. i guess if it comes to it i could try to make another but

YES okay i did it!! good

and armor i now have!!

altho i hope i don't run out of armor inventory space that would SUCK what with all the work that goes into collecting and upgrading it tbh

LOL i hit an emu or ostrich or whatever it is and the meat it dropped immediately became roasted oh my god

HOLY FUCK THE MOUNTAIN IS ERUPTING

NOW THIS SHIT BRINGS BACK MEMORIES OH MY GOD

running for cover!!!! almost dying!!!!!!!!! good times im so happy

it's like getting to do it the very first time all over again

oh my god i just got a divine beast cutscene as i got to goron city i am quaking in my boots it is SO BIG

and now i'm out almost 3k rupees but i have full fireproof armor!

oh my god you can get a goron massage at the inn

"it doesn't hurt a bit" yeah i bet

[cue lots of screaming]

omg theres a gerudo lady sleeping here!! are you not on fire?!?!

SO IS PAINTER DUDE...?

omg they must have elixirs ldfjkgh

"abandoned mine - do not stray from path! both literally and figuratively" slkdfjgh what does that MEAN...

aw, they sleep on beds of hoat coals

man this shrine im doing is so complex!! like many multiple rooms, it's neat

i got like 9 orbs now i need to find somehwere to trade them in

omg so im lookin for the goron who went to get the stuff out of the vault and HE'S TALKING IT'S SO WEIRD it still always shocks me

how do i..? my bombs don;t work, so

OH OMG I CAN USE THE CANONS i thought maybe you had to wait for permission lol

poor goron he's scared and trembling...haha just like the ones in the fire temple. bye

HE TALKED IN HIS OPENING CUTSCENE...IM SO GLAD

yunobo! aww he's precious i love him

i suspect this is the area where i'll have to get inside the divine beast tbh bc of all the cannons

lol almost yped it with one n. shh

the embers here are so pretty...next time i paint hotland i'll remember them

i wanna paint THIS, tbh

like, anything. from this game. god Damn

ooooh a daruk statue

omg IM GETTING A MEMORY YES!!!!!!

I LOVE HIM

I LOVE DARUK

WHO PATS BACKS TOO HARD AND PUNCHES OUT ROCKS

oh my god he had the same kind of barrier that yunobo put up around himself are they related!!!! im gonna cry i love them so much

yep hahahaha the next words out of boss's mouth!

oooh he has the blessing, that's what the barrier is

yunobo's at eldin bridge...? that's MILES away

OH!!! omg my brother reminded me there are two in tp hahahaha so i guess i got them mixed up

so where is eldin's bridge actually......

too bad i cant swim up lavafalls lol

i found a minecart and put it on the track but bombs dont make it go and i can't magnesis it when its under my feet??

AHA, STASIS

okay that was super fun but i hate beating up my weapons like that

there's a shrine here but the glowing orange blends right in with this lava, i nearly missed it

AWWW yunobo's gonna be the canonball! bless him

omg is he gonna follow me!!!! I HAVE A FRIEND

IM GONNA CRY FINALLY IM NOT ALONE <3333

oh god okay here we go i guess??? im so scared

like. its so big.i cant impress upon anyone who hasnt played it. how big it is. and the mountain is so much bigger and i am so small. i keep saying that but i'm like. DWARFED by this thing, it's truly incredible

ohhhhh an escort mission.......and stealth, which im Bad at. man, the elephant was a lot cooler so far

AWW omg we snuck past the first one and he went "hee hee!" and it was so cute i love him so much

he stands at attention so quick when i do the stop whistle please please i love him

also i feel like i recognize SO many voices in this...i gotta imdb it later

the voice acting isn't even anything extraordinary, it's like, not awful but nothing jaw dropping

but the fact that they speak blows my mind every time

i used to fantasize about that in a "fff yeah right the day after never" kinda way and here we are.....

omg i got stuck and talked to him and it's like. what he said was completely useless but it's like having a companion!!! oh god i've been so lonely

oh god i looked up too far and saw the beast and it is. so big. i know i keep saying this but it is gargantuan. it's HUGE. i can't believe how big it is

lol i couldnt figure out why the trail ended and spent half an hour wondering what i was supposed to do

turns out i should have been firing at the divine beast this entire time so i gotta go back and start over and walk up the trail again LMAO

at least you only have to clear the sentries once

ah FINALLY im inside!

DARUK IS TALKING TO ME ;_;

HE ALWAYS KNEW LINK WOULD BE BACK im so sad. i feel human emotion

oooh it's all dark in here

and blue flame!!

ohhhhh man i love these 3D maps

OH MY GOD YOU CAN TURN IT

it's so big. oh my god

wait it isn't hot in here! i can use any item i want!

god i forgot how the music becomes creepier the closer you get

i can't believe this...turning the whole dungeon...some stone tower temple shit

ooh okay still hot OUTSIDE of the divine beast...too bad

noooo i found the cockpit pod thingy...like are their skeletons just decaying in there or

ooh boy oooookay last one here we GOOOO...

"PAIN IN THE CRAG" LOL NINTENDO PLS

omg daruk cheering me on as i fight ;______;

awww that wasnt too bad ive fought WAY worse enemies just roaming around on the map

oh ew GROSS

DARUK ;_;

me after daruk sent link away: aaaww i love him but that wasn't as gut-wrenching as mipha's

me after daruk saw yunobo from a distance and they waved at each other: literally actually crying, there are tears really on my face

WHY COULDN'T MIPHA SEE HER FAMILY FROM A DISTANCE, HUH

if it doesn't happen i swear to god i will draw it if i have to

oooh boss is talkin about the master sword

it's in a forest - that's gotta be the lost woods or i'll eat my pointy green hat

but i mean. if you just find it. there's gotta be some kinda quest or build up

wow, i'm finally at the tippy-top opf death mountain...i feel like i could go anywhere from here

omg i flew to a shrine and i have to complete a training thing to get in??? oh my god

oh no. i have to climb the thing. #why

aww that wasn't too bad. did it on the first try

i found the end of the map on "land" ... it's a deep gorge and you die if you go too far down, probably even if you're on foot

but there's land beyond that, even on the map, so it doesn't feel as freaky as just MEGA WIND on the ocean

why is there a hinox EVERYWHERE i try to go. why.

dude theres a giant skeleton of some sort on my map...omg

probs a hinox there too tbh

...wait a second.

i'm at a HOT SPRING

i recover hearts by swimming, so maybe i could fight this hinox...

AND i have daruk's protection, three whole charges, two fairies, my hearty radish food, and mipha's grace.........i can do it!!

wow okay and i just used up the grace and one fairy on this bokoblin camp so nevermind

tbh i don't even like fighting them...i suck at combat and the rewards are almost never worth the fight

okay but i literally could get anywhere from death mountain i think and i do mean LITERALLY that isn't hyperbole, assuming i had infinite stamina. damn. thats a Big Mountain

gonna go investigate the skeleton

there's monsters under it! i am standing above them on the ribcage and cheesing it with bombs

also it says eldin great skeleton was this a dragon.........

was this in the trailers or was it somewhere else?

standing inside the skull of this thing 

i realize just how BIG the dragons are

like. damn

everything in this game makes me feel like an ant

lol this is the First Ever shrine i'll have to come back to not bc i can't figure it out but bc i ran out of fucking arrows. incredible

the problem is i can't really explore here bc my fire armor hasnt been improved at all, my defense SUCKS

i just died bc i found a talus lol and it two-shotted me and like. i have a pretty good amt of hearts, here

also next time im exploring first i feel like i'll never know if ive seen everything or not bc i'm all lost and don't know what i looked at and what i didn't :/

i hate to like, leave it and say i'll come back to it bc i know i probably won't, but games are supposed to be fun! and attempting to explore this area with all my armor at 3 defense is like. not fun. dying over and over: Not Fun

i feel like seeing or doing something new!!

what i need is my own copy of the map on the computer so i can just mark off the areas i wanna explore later

oooh i found an interactive map!! which i can't. screencap and annotate for myself, but

oh well, it's too much trouble to find one, and ps would be really slow rn anyway since i havent used it in awhile

however this map DOES have memory locations, so i'm gonna grab a few of those

okay NOW i found a shrine idk how to do. tbh i can't be fucked rn, i wanna go get memories

holy fuck the first memory i unlocked had like a PILE of dead monsters link just fucked up, including a silver maned lynel, which my ass has NOT killed yet, holy shit

ONWARD

HOLY SHIT the one i just got was in the trailers!! zelda crying on link ;_;

i'm glad tbh bc i was lowkey like...well i know you get her out of the castle bc she cries on you later

but no!!!!

also he strains of zelda's lullaby, them being covered in mud, and link's master sword! MAN

i can't get to anymore atm so i guess i decide where i go next...

tbh i wanna do gerudo next like my brother which means going thru lake hylia!! so it will be a long time before more plot, i guess

ah! the blood moon! gonna warp to the stable and watch it with that guy

lol he's all beautiful moon tonight, eh, finally the blood moon

UM HE'S FREAKING ME OUT HE JUST STARTED RUNNING AROUND AND SAID HIS BLOOD WAS BOILING???

"IT'S SO GLORIOUSLY RED, ARISE MONSTERS" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

and he acted totally normal after!

"oh you were researching the blood moon too?" WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM YOU FREAK

yep goodbye im leaving

upgraded my armor as much as i could with the fairy, STILL can't afford anti-guardian tech, am actively dying without it, will attempt gerudo and/or lake hylia tomorrow

[survivorelara]

Episode #7: “Bon Appetite Bitch” - Dani

Merge time baby, this is where the game starts. My first job is to figure out who flipped in that last tribal, I'm betting on Loris, but if it's John I'd probably understand as well. Regardless it's disappointing because as far as "OG Tribe Lines" it's now 5v5v2, which sucks.

I think I've likely got an ok position at the moment, the real move is trying to make sure I've got an in with a lot of people, and to make sure I find myself in the majority.

Here's hoping my first tribal council doesn't turn out to be my last due to social misplays.

We merged woo, my streak of never dying premerge continues :D. However, it does feel like an early merge. There's still 12 people left, I have a strong feeling someone ain't gonna make the jury... 👀

I just noticed im the only Aquarius left woot woot. Game wise, hello, it's merge. I'm finally messaging  people, introducing myself and what not. I'll check in later to list all of the people that don't like me, but for now let's go into this hoping that I'm charismatic

Ok sooooo...... tribal did NOT go as planned but it still was good because I could’ve gone easily but drew t saved my ass because I saved his last week. we love good karma. Roxy literally forgived me without asking her to and we have merged so I don’t feel that at risk anymore. :) I just gotta keep talking to everyone so my name doesn’t get raised.

oh lord. You know idk what I’m gonna do yet Because I don’t want to work with pre friends but i don’t necessarily like my tribe either So that leaves me with loris Idk I’ll figure it out

For now, I'll do a hot or not and comments Roxy- NOT. I have to talk to her almost continuously or else she'll think we aren't allies and vote me out. (not that we are allies rn but still) Ci'ere- DECENT. He's nice but replies are sporadic and idk if he wants to work with me. Loris- HOT AS FUCK. my #1 right now, he's p cool <3 John - STEAMING? He is so nice and so cute but he seems close to purple drew. Purple Drew - LUKE WARM. Love the dude, but I am semi trying to avoid pre game friendships. Little Mix Drew- STRAIGHT FIRE. only bc of LM. in reality, more SEMI WARM. it may turn out that each side has a little mix supporter? Drachus - WHO TF KNOWS. I cannot tell if this man is playing me or not. He tells me he can't vote him out, but is that true? We havent been to tribal and he seems to be lying to me about how much he knows. If he really doesnt know all that... he seems like someone I can maybe work with. We've been loyal to the end for each other before. Just keep in mind- I'm not playing for 8th. Emma- queen? She's inactive but a great number for me. We tell each other stuff and she's just precious. Kori- challenge threat, and someone who I want to be my shield. Dani- shes so inactive bruh like what even Dylan- also inactive.

so its 5 revati, 4 auva, 3 zosma. Zosma and Auva have 2 a piece of people who I loved pregame and would consider working with. So who knows? I have a double majority, so lets not be surprised when I'm first out.

Well, I THINK I'm in an ok-ish spot. I've talked with a LOT of people, IDEALLY the next one gone is Sam just so that I can get Dani more on my side and make it clear that I wanna work with her.

I'm a little salty Altager didn't beat the basic tribe name of Orion... but I'll get over it... eventually...

In other news, I ate a burger today... it was adequate.

MERGE BABIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm elated to make the merge AND get to name the tribe! Like that's fucking sickening! I'm excited to see what the merge holds for me because that was a rocky pre-merge phase. Like obviously I wasted my idol, blah blah. And like I was an emotional mess like the entire way through. It sucks being the one that has to blindside people and like break hearts- but in the end, that's the way it is. I just love that I'm getting to play IN THE MERGE. Like I rarely ever do that because I am too much of a physical threat (in most ORGs) to be allowed into the merge. So I'm super glad that I get to play in the merge and I just have to put myself in a mindset where I can be carefree and not let the stress of the pre-merge weigh me down!

Well, The challenge went pretty well I think, not sure if I won or not though, we'll see.

I'm getting frustrated with Ci'ere though. Everytime we talk they take hours to respond, even when they initiate the conversation, and I respond within 4 minutes. My patience is definitely getting tested.

Well, I didn't win the challenge, I was closeish, got all the right constellations. I just kinda, didn't math correctly in calculating my Tiebreaker number... not sure what I even did to reach that number anymore.

Regardless, I just gotta keep the target off of me, get a feel for what others are thinking, and go from there. Ideally Sam or Ci'ere since Dylan who I'm still not a fan of won.

Ci'ere has been making a bit more effort with me, which has me a bit suspicious, so Sam is ideal just to make it clear to Dani that I DO wanna work with her.

What do people do when they merge? Like this concept is so foreign to me that this laziness is actually nice. Its peaceful and serene. Like my god. If this is the case, why the fuck do I not try to make the merge more often? Honestly, this revelation is so beautiful, I may ugly cry just thinking about it!

ok no offense but the conflict between dani and ci'ere seems literally so beyond fake i can't even comprehend it. maybe im wrong but like it feels so planned, like dan's funeral or smth.

also ci'ere just like formally asked to work with me which was really sweet so hi. they also spilled some tea about roxy/drew/drew2.0 and how theyve been working together without me so. yoinks. glad i won immunity because i wouldve been so lost

Man i'm finna make that bitch dani leave, im working my ass off to save ciere and get her outta here since she's HELLBENT on getting us out. No no, you don't do that. Hope you enjoy merge boot and hopefully just missing out on jury :)

So yeah, the main name floating around has been ci'ere. But the thing is, I've been talking with people and dani seems disposable to a lot of people. So i'm tryna convince the people i'm close with to vote her out instead of ci'ere. Because here's the thing, if dani survives until next vote and ci'ere leaves, she's going to be after me. What i'm saying to my crew is that if ci'ere survives, he'll be with us while dani isn't close with like anyone, she just talks to throw names out cuz she sucks at this game. so like, if people really want ci'ere out, it'd be so much easier to simply blindside him next vote if we wanted, because he'd feel so safe. Esp since im 95% sure one of those 2 have an idol, so i'm gonna try my best to either flush it from ci'ere, or blindside the fuck outta dani sending her home packing with it

suprise bitches after a boring pre merge i am actually playing the game i just need to see which side everyone is on i may use my idol to have my side be on control i could probably be first merge boot before i play yikes! also me and loris are powerful... he has the legacy advantage his mind omg

I hate this cast. Yell at me for a short confessional if ya gotta.

Deadass probably setting myself up for failure this vote with going after dani so hard but fuck it idc, didn't have a chance to get rid of her after louise had left and she told toby to get the fuck outta here, and now I do and she's going and hopefully joins him in the vl :) toby this one's for you homie, miss ya lots <3

W e l l, things have went left here at the Orion camp 😄 I woke up to Andrea & Loris letting me know that Auva 2.0 was after me & that I should play an idol if I had one. Apparently the Auvacados are getting bad vibes from me? However, Dani was the one that made a move against y’all so why am I getting getting ya knickers in a bunch? I previously started laying down the groundwork to have people turn on Miss Dani, but I decided to toss that plan out the window. Last night, Loris told me that John Coffey was the Revati that flipped last round and it’s because he’s friends with Drew H. I’m certain that the Drews, Roxy, & John have an alliance that finalized right before the merge. So that needs to be broken up right away. I went to Dylan, an OG Auva, to let him know that his old tribemates said he was on the outs and they made an alliance with Louise, Dani, & I. He seems to be interested in voting with me, and if he isn’t, then he’s a flop.

Sam called me “babe” earlier & I really cannot with this flirting strategy, but I’m not opposed to it! I guess I would consider him my final 2, but I’d say he’s playing well so I might need to cut him before that hehe.

I don’t like this back and forth running around nonsense, so I’m laying it all out on the table. I exposed the Auvacado 2.0 alliance. I hinted that I have an idol that I really don’t want to use, but I probably will just in case they think I’m bluffing & people don’t target me in the future for it. Apparently this caused people to start scrambling which I’ll have you know is my favorite type of egg. Deviled eggs are good af too 😈

Sam says that we shouldn’t go for Roxy because he has an in with Drew T. & that we should keep Dani the target because she threw out our name. Dani says that John & Kori threw out my name to her. Do I believe her? Not exactly. In the tribe chat when I asked Dani to vote for Roxy, she says that she likes her & would rather do someone else. This is a mess. So right now it’s looking like myself, Sam, Andrea, Loris, Emma, Dylan & Drew T.?

Why is everyone always going after me what the shit. Its drew t and h fault im like their fuckin scategost I jk I love them but im so annoyed why is the fall out if the shit theyfor do, gets blamed on ne when I havent dine anything loll fuck off

I love u drews tho

I knew going into the merge that I wanted Ciere out sooner rather than later; and when an alliance with Dani and kori was formed I thought I’d be able to get him out right away. Dylan won immunity which is awesome because he’s easily my favorite right now. Idk what it is about him but we just vibe really well right now. I’m not sure where I stand with old revati other than kori who asked me to be his final 2 the other day. I’m a wannabe puppet master and nobody was taking my bait to vote ciere. Well it seemed like they were until little rat decides to announce that I had an alliance with the Drew’s and Roxy. I went telling everyone the chat is barely even active and we voted together once. As of now the majority is seeming to want Dani and Kori isn’t answering aoooo idk who I’m voting for I kinda still want to do ciere cause I swore to Dani I wouldn’t vote for her, but I also don’t like her attitude all that much tonight. Same old Dani from unifinished business, but I actually was going to have her back. I’m a mess!!!!!!!!111

WELL BITCH I MIGHT BE GOING. These motherfuckers REALLY want me gone huh? WELL IM NOT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT. Roxy will rue this day. ROXY WILL RUE IT. She just fucked over her whole damn alliance.

Dani is voted out 9-2-1.

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW35

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Aubz Alexis Austin

IN (For -8 points hit): Jesus Raz Ings

Fucking darkness. The darkest of darknesses. This GW past has sunk my season so it is time to chase points and say fuck the world. Fuck you Mark Hughes. Fucking fuck you. I will have one sleep with dreams of an Ings hat. A nice night's sleep ahead only for reality of his 2 pointer to come crashing down upon my soul.

GK:

None. Lol at me.

DEF:

Really need a Newc clean with Lejuene and Dummett in for me this week. 

Sakho goes again for a 1 pointer. Great pick and great job by me.

So too will Kiko. Hoping for a two pointer and sub on 61' would be a huge coup for me. Fuck him.

MID:

Some guys here. Zaha looks great happy to have him. Watford suck so hopefully Woy doesn't be dumb and leaves Benteke out of the squad where he belongs the absolute piece of shit.

Double City mid is back with Kevin and Raz seems like a couple of good friends.

Finally Andy King gets a run out. Go on Andrew get me 2 points thanks.

FWD:

Jesus feels like a great pick no brainer pick with Kun on the shelf. 

Next to him is new friend flying without Daniel Ings. Just chasing here and with the team sheet leaked every week I can bench him if he isn't going to start. Might get another cheeky start out of him with Kloppo rotating for UCL in full effect.

CAP:

Jesus the tap in merchant. If the game is 8-0 as I expect then I might actually get a green arrow. What is a green arrow? No clue. I genuinely couldn't tell you.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Auba and Mahrez

IN (For -4 points hit): Jesus and Raz Sterling

These felt easy to me; simple moves.

Auba out because Wenger, rightly so, is fully 100% on board with Europa League being the only thing that matters for Arsecast so he said he might not even play Auba... Since Auba is cup tied he wants to try some stuff with the actual first team UEL squad. Fair enough from him... I’m sure Auba will still play some amount of minutes in the 0-45 range but the Kun injury news - out for the season - is just too good for Jesus in FPL. They don’t even have another striker in their squad except for a 19 year old child named Lukas Nmecha. Ok.

Arguably simpler of the two moves is Mahrez to Raz. Feel pretty unlucky to not get Riyad points since owning him, his stats in some of the matches were huge, and keepers made some really good stops on him, such is life, such is FPL... But even a fully firing Mahrez / Leicester can’t come close to touching the ceiling of Raz and the supremacy of City. End of.

Ditching Mahrez also means I’ve decided to keep Son... I’ve been thinking about it all week and just kept coming to the conclusion - wait, why are we getting rid of Son?

I made this exact same mistake earlier in the season. I don’t think ANY City attacker will feature in all five of their remaining fixtures, but we’re still all fine to get them in because they’re really good. Well I feel exactly the same feelings towards Son. He’s just really good and a really good pick. He won’t start all four of their last four but he’ll probably play like ~250 minutes and that’s a lot of points for someone of the quality of Sonny. Let’s go bro I’m not fucking you off like last time. I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm, though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool.

GK:

Only ten guys for me this blank gameweek starts with Karius straight in...

Since GW23 (12 matches) in the 4-3 Liverpool win vs. City where Karius became the nailed on first choice keeper - LFC have the most clean sheets in the league, least goals conceded (tied with MUN and TOT), and second in the league to City for xGoals allowed... That’s pretty fucking dominant.

Up the Reds.

DEF:

Rolling four dudes out there... Not expecting many points but I’ll take what I can get in this GW.

Lowton goes at Stoke, very cleanable fixture, but who am I kidding Burnley don’t keep cleans vs. anybody so maybe I can just hope for a Lowton assist or to get get subbed off after 60′ but before they inevitably concede... I can dream.

Mama Sakho bias is in again. Hilarious that we both have Mama even tho Palace have six cleans on the season... Fucking hell what are we doing? Mama still a pod favorite though and if Palace can ever manage a clean - maybe this week vs. on the beach Watford - then Mama is a beast on bones. Come on you Eagles.

Lascelles is gonna garner heavy transfer rumors this summer I reckon. He might be the best English pure CB in the world straight up. Unless you’re one of those people who believe in Stones, Cahill, and Harry Maguire... fuck outta here. Let’s get some clean points Jamaal.

Lastly Van der Hoorn vs. City. May not play - though we expect him to do - but fucking hell it’s City. Won’t even be mad if he doesn’t play because I’m just praying for NOT negative points anyway in City’s first home match since winning the title. Maybe they’ll just have a festival and score 10 who the fuck knows?

MID:

New / old friend Raz hello, nice to see you little guy. He’s been by far my favorite FPL pick from City all season and so I’m backing that. It’s kind of funny when you sort mids by total score it looks like it’s close between Kev (190 total) and Sterling (200 total) but when you break that down to points:minutes ratio and/or points per start it is truly not close at all. Raz in.

Still a big fan of the Arnie pick even though he blanked vs. Stoke... Just hoping that Moyes can resist the temptation of going Carroll up top and stick with Arnie up there because it’s mostly worked and Arnie has really flourished... Even though Andy’s finish was delightful. Come on Arnie.

Lastly Wilf. What a great guy. Love him and he’s top class. Gotta hope like Arnie above that Woy keeps Wilf up top and doesn’t dip back into the Benteke pool because that water is shit. I wonder where Wilf will be playing football next season...?

FWD:

Gayle goes again for me. Not the best debut in a blank last week when they score two and the other forward hauls but hey he was still good as he has been for most of the season... His stats are very good especially for a guy on a promoted side. Come on Dwight treat me BABYYYYyyyyyyy!!!

And another new / old friend in Gab Jesus. Eyebrows icon legend tap-in merchant. If he gets, as we’re lead to believe, 400ish minutes from here on out then holy fuck. He’s the easiest pick ever and should be the first name in all FPL team sheets. Who knows? But I hope.

CAP:

I’m on Jesus. I feel as though he’s a touch safer then Raz for ya know, 60-70+ minutes, and that’s really all there is to it. As I mentioned above they have basically no other forwards without punting on a child. It’s their first home fixture since winning the title so should be party atmosphere. Let’s score a lot of points Gab........... But very scared with no Salah as he’s in the leaked lineup. Still think he’s not a good pick for rest of season - but if I had Salah or if I were free hitting this week I’d 100% cap Salah over anyone because he’s by far the best player in the league.