#the dude is ugly as well but most men are but at least in his case I can say he's at least not boring.

[mexashepot]

Someone: (points to a woman she thinks is beautiful and to a man she thinks is ugly) I still cannot believe these two are together! Me, who finds them both ugly: מצא מין את מינו

[threepandas]

Bad End: Soldier A

I'm pretty sure you know the story. Everybody does. Chosen Hero, Demon King, they fight, save the day, yada yada. Everybody supposedly lives happily ever after. Everything sunshine and roses. Puppies and farting rainbows. But... but it's NOT.

It's really fucking NOT.

I used to love reading stories like that. They were escapism. Grand adventures in a terrible, grey, slowly crushing hellscape of a world. But... but, FUCK. At least there weren't drauger! No demon wolves or skeleton soldiers! Or the FUCKING little flying bastards. God. I HATE those ones the most.

They have sharp, needle-y little claws and teeth like a SHARK fucked a TREE THRESHER. And they scream. Just... yowl and yowl in this ear splitting high pitch like they're trying to DEAFEN you ON TOP of trying to rip you apart.

That life was peaceful.

I was a fool to wish for anything else.

I am not the Chosen One. I'm not even a supporting character. I remember this bullshit little yarn, and I? Am NO WHERE fucking in it. I am just... just some rando, in this struggle of demons and Gods. The child of Some Dude. We... we had chickens. Fat, happy, lil hens.

I remember being ENTRANCED. I had lived all my life, before, in suburban sprawl. So chickens? Strutting around and chasing bugs? Tiny me was hypnotized.

It saved my life.

I half wish it didn't, some days.

That I died, sudden and without the chance to truely comprehend, along side my family. That my neighbors eldest hadn't seen me by the coop. Grabbed me desperately as he ran for his life. Our entire FUCKING village...

There were six survivors.

I was one of them.

And it's... it's all just? FLAVOR TEXT for the Chosen One's tale of Glory. A reason for why she's so NEEDED. So BELOVED. Look how AWESOME she is! Saintess, because when are they NOT? Hero, because it's all about HER. A god damned LOVE STORY thrown in, because THAT'S important, while people are suffering! Dying!

Are? You? KIDDING ME!?

Legends speak of a "Hero's Party". I know damn well it's true. That it WILL succeed. But FUCK that. FUCK waiting for her to "be ready"! To gather allies and turn from some sheltered little rose, into the warrior we ACTUALLY NEED. It's my world too. I was the one who had to help dig out survivors! Tend to the wounded! Fight off swarms! Hold back the dead!

I...! I was the one who had to LOOK PEOPLE IN THE EYE and... AND-!

B-Because sometimes? SOMETIMES?! Those bites DON'T HEAL. Can't heal! They are filled with so much demonic power, that the only thing they CAN do is corrupt. Fester. Poison. Sometimes you're already DEAD and nothing short of the oh so precious SAINTESS could possibly save you.

But she's not HERE... is she?

So you have a choice.

If you're lucky? It's JUST a limb. A chunk of flesh. But more often then not... well... The lucky ones have time to say goodbye. The unlucky ones get to be twisted and used against their friends. Their family's. And if you care. If you CARE AT ALL? You put them down before that happens.

Because they wouldn't want that.

It... it feeds a HATE in me. An ANGER.

No, that's not right... it's more like? It feeds...

A RAGE.

An ugly, burning thing. That's hollowed out my chest. Wrapped around my bones. Fueled by the memories of every innocent I failed to save. By the fear and the suffering, that just keeps dragging on and on and ON. An endless slog that seems designed to break men down. Destroy us.

I feel like it's killing the humanity in me. The kindness I once had. Like I am burning away everything but purpose. And will have nothing left when I am done. IF I am ever done. It... it used to scare me.

Now I am to angry, too tired, to be afraid.

Let me die. I do not CARE. So long as I TAKE THEM WITH ME. Burn them ALL. My brothers in arms, my sisters of war, those that fight and fight and FIGHT? They feel the same. We didn't fucking WAIT. Refused to watch the slaughter. Gaining ground only to lose it, losing ground only to claw it back.

Holding the line.

We can't actually KILL him. We know that. Only the Saintess can actually fucking END this nightmare. But his monsters? Those still fall too steel. And if we are to die regardless, why NOT in defense of our homes?

We've managed to push a path, deep into the Demonic lands. A spear point to stab the heart of HIS damned empire. We... we can hold it. MUST hold it. At all costs. For that flimsy, weak willed, half trained NITWIT of a child. So when she FINALLY gets off her ass and stops making goo-goo eyes at her trainers? She can come and finish the job.

Then get crowned queen of forever or something.

I don't know, I don't CARE. I'm going to buy some damn chickens. Fill a yard with them. Honor my parents and be the best damn farmer this world has ever SEEN.

Another crash against our shields. Screams as someone's arm breaks. As someone else is savaged through a crack in our barrier, as something probably gives. I slam my spear forward. Vital point. Vital point. Ignore the strain. The way your arm feels like a giant is stepping on it. Like some is trying to rip the shield from your grip. Hold... HOOOOLD!

Go for the eyes. Aim for the throat. Kidneys. Arteries, arteries, heart! The spear is wretched from my grip. I shout for another. Reach blindly, trusting my countrymen. I feel the grip of another one pressed into my hand. I slam my spear forward.

The fight goes on.

For hours.

It was some sort of ape-bear chimera things this time. But bigger and with spikes. No ones quite sure if they're in the "fucked up monstrosities" book yet. I'M certainly too dead on my feet to check. I sit an eat some fucking soup. Mmmmm, rations soup. Technically edible! My favorite flavor.

In the distance, sits the Demon King's fancy ass doom castle.

Any closer? And HE might be inspired to actually "deal" with us. I can't wait for the day it-An explosion of noise from the command tent. Everyone's heads whip around to stare, alarmed. But... but that didn't sound... BAD shouting. It takes us a long, long moment. It had honestly been YEARS since some of us had HEARD such a noise. But...?

W...was that?

Excitement?

I passed off my soup to a newbie. He honestly needed it more anyway. Told him to eat. Then got up and headed for command. Something was happening. As I got close, the flap was all but ripped open. A commander, actually? Smiling!? What the fresh hell?

A commander looking for someone. Spots me. Waves me over and in. I jog over. The tent is practically HUMMING with excitement. And there, on the tabke with the war map? Is an old, OLD dagger. Very... magical girl, in design. Flourishes, sparkling, and lovely dispite being what must be... what, centuries old? Worn to hell and back? What IS that?

It's the weapon of a previous Chosen One.

A Holy Blade.

Holy Shit. HOW. Where?! Where AND HOW!? I thought the royal family snapped all those fuckers up too show off! If not them, the Temple! I'm met with seni-hysterical laughs of disbelief.

A PRIEST stole it.

Nearly DIED doing so. Temple's probably FURIOUS. Gonna come to get it BACK, most likely. We're gonna have to move FAST. We're gonna only get ONE chance at this. I nod. Ready for whatever command needs me to do. Hold off some holy knights? Punch a priest? I'll get... SUPER excommunicated, but? Fuck it. If it saves lives.

No.

No they need me to wield the blade. I'm sorry?? WHAT.

It's apparently Maiden Locked. Fucking... Maidens Only! Got lucky? No holy weapon for you! Married but a virgin? Weaponless! Oh, fffffuck yooooou, creepy perv deities. There are LIVES ON THE LINE, in this, a GOD DAMNED WAR, and you LOCK the import weapons behind "mint condition pu-"!!!

The commander cuts of my, frankly, VERY understandable rant.

Hands on my shoulders. Looks me in the eyes. Will I Do This? I would have to take the knife and sneak behind enemy lines. Into the demon kings castle. And try to get the jump on him. NO ONE would be able to go after me. Help WOULD NOT be coming. If I fail... that's it. Game over. The demons would have me.

I laugh.

It is... not a cheerful sound. Not like it once was.

Is it even a choice? Of course I am. Frankly? I hope it hurts. I hope it's slow. Hurts every second and feels like eons. That he BURNS from the inside out. I'm gonna make him EAT IT.

Waiting until night would be suicide. They get stronger at night. Can blend in to the shadows. But they're cocky. They won't expect an attack just before that. So twilight is when I'll strike. Afternoon, when I head out. I... I leave my gear behind. Say my goodbyes.

I'm not the Chosen One.

Just some farmer's daughter with a grudge.

It don't think I'll be making it back. Don't really expect to even succeed. But by the gods... I plan to HURT him. Every piece we chip away, is one the soul behind us doesn't have to fight. I do this not for me. But for the child who will never know the FEAR that I did.

I will die so they don't have too.

The castle is dark. Humming with power I can FEEL but can not understand. Grand and sweeping architecture. Great windows that should let in far more light then they do. A blood red carpet upon bone white floors. The walls are black. It... some how merely stepping inside, seems to suck all color but red from the world. All heat.

I see no one here.

But I hear whispers.

I tighten my grip around the weapon. The only thing that feels WARM. These hallways are designed to make you feel small, I can tell at a glance. I refuse to give in. I am a farmer. A soldier. I do not CARE about your damn castle! I dig deep into my memories, keeping to the walls, and try to remember where the hero found her foe.

I trace the path in my head. Cut out the lost wandering as best I can. Right slightly, then forward, I think. If I am wrong, I can double back. Follow the book's path exactly. I move slow. As quite as I can.

Still... I find no one.

No servants, no gaurds, no resistance of any kind. Something like fear sighs like a specter down my spine, cold and vague. Something is not right. I do not let down my gaurd... but the longer it persists? The worse my paranoia grows.

Finally. The throne room. Magnificent beyond measure, in blood red and monochrome. Rare touches of gold glint and catch the eye. Stained glass giving it all a surreal scene from high above. The runner at my feet plush enough to render my foot steps silent. It is red... so very, very red.

The Demon King leans against one fist, resting on his throne, magnificent and beautiful like a statue brought to life. Carved of pale ivory and obsidian. Just as feeling as stone. A monster. Living testament that what's inside counts most of all. For inside him? Is nothing but a void. A malicious PIT.

I will see him dead.

On silent feet, I sneak forward. Only to freeze at the foot of the stairs to his dais, my eyes locked on his face. Horror seeps through me.

An amused smirk.

"Oh don't stop NOW, you're so close." Breaks the silence. Golden eyes open, lazy and entertained. "By all means. Try."

My grip on the dagger felt almost painful, for how hard I was gripping it. He... he wasn't even bothering to move. Didn't even see me as a threat. F..Fine. Fine then! If it was a mistake on his part or NOT, I would TAKE IT. Any chance. Any chance at ALL.

The pressure of that gaze felt immense. But I tilted my head up, put my shoulders back, and moved. One step. Then another. Up the stairs. Onto the dais. Forward, slowly. I paused, just beyond his immediate reach. Not that it was anything like real safety. I stared. Shaking. Knowing I was shaking and unable to stop.

He sat splayed. Reclined and leaning against his fist, robes rich and arranged just so. The very picture of indolent decadence. It was deceptive. I KNEW it was. A trap. But to get too him... I had to step closer. My eyes moved from the splay of his legs back up to his face. His smirk had grown teeth. I... I refused to run. I would finish this.

I stepped forward. Between his long legs, feeling distinctly like I was balanced over a bear trap, and lifted the dagger. I refused to hesitate. Wait to see if he changed his mind. I slammed it forward. Right through his heart. Glaring, as I looked him right in the eyes. The blade HISSED. Like acid meeting stone.

He laughed.

Grin full of unhinged glee, a vice in the shape of a hand clamped around my wrist, and the world SPUN. I slammed against the floor, the Demon King straddling me, at the foot of his thrown. He loomed. Behind him, above me, shown a magnificent window the lit him from behind. Like a halo.

"You didn't even HESITATE. You'd rip my heart out, if you could. Wouldn't you?" He says. Almost an whisper, nearly a groan, filthy with something that terrifies me and shouldn't BE there. "I KNEW I sensed something. KNEW you were out there."

I desperately try to push the knife deeper. Use everything I can to... to just-!

All I want... All I NEED? Is to see it come out the fucking OTHER SIDE. Please. Gods, PLEASE! End this! I'm gritting my teeth. Snarling. This BASTARD. I HATE him! I HATE HIM!

"Ah~ That's it, little one." He groans. Not even bothering to hide that he's apparently getting off on this. I'll kill him. I'll FUCKING KILL HIM! "Good~, that's right. Just like that. Give IN~♡ I'll take SUCH good care of you. I've always wanted a little pet. Focus it all on me. Give it ALL to me~"

My brain feels like it's on fire. My lungs filled with ash and flame. I hate. I hate and hate and HATE! I can't think. Something is... wrong? Wrong! The blade hurts to hold. Like it's rejecting me. No. NO! I HAVE TO KILL HIM! I may not be the Chosen One but-!

It finally becomes too much. The pain of holding the blade out weighing my hate. It's like ACID. My hand spasming away like I was trying to touch a hot stove. My palm is an ugly red. Wounded.

In one fluid movement, my wrist is released, the blade pulled free, tossed aside, and my wrist recaptured, before I can claw his fucking eyes out. I grit my teeth. Fangs grinding togeth-... wait.... what?

I stare at my hand.

At the black talon like nails where normal nails were, just this morning. And feel... horror. My... my teeth feel weird. My eyes hurt. Sides of my head too.

"Got you~"

He throws his head back in a triumphant laugh. The sound echoing like a nightmare. Even as I watch, the pigment of my skin is changing. Draining away to something even. Something almost too pale. Unnatural.

"I'm so glad you've decided to join me, darling." My hands are slammed down on either side of my head. His face inches from my. Eyes burning with something terrible. "I haven't had a bride in SO long~ following your progress has been FASCINATING. And now! Oh little thing, I get to KEEP you all to myself. Make you GOOD for me. Learn every inch of you. You should be excited, darling~"

"I'm going to make you a Queen."

[susiecarter]

I know you wrote alot of different superbat tropes and I'm not sure if you're taking suggestions but I don't think you've covered a jealousy trope. I'd love to see Clark helplessly jealous of Bruce and all his beautiful men/ women he dates and Bruce genuinely being none the wiser of thinking maybe Clark is avoiding him all of a sudden is because he's come to his senses and realised that Bruce's friendship is a waste of time or the reason for Clark being rude ( or as rude as someone like Clark can be ) to some of his dates is because he's annoyed with brucie Wayne and his airheadedness / fakeness . And then Clark just loses it when confronted and confesses how he feels and then they have life changing sex lmao !

:D Hi, anon! You're not wrong, haha, I am ALL ABOUT the tropes—and while I have to admit that part of the reason I've never written a fic focused on jealousy is because jealousy doesn't usually tickle my id particularly well (especially with these guys, because I enjoy their delicious angst the most when they're feeling insecure and unsure of themselves emotionally = they're usually holding themselves back/deliberately trying not to put themselves forward as an option :'D) ...

... I have to admit that the way you are framing this prompt is working for me VERY MUCH INDEED. *______*! Your parenthetical is totally correct, Clark being genuinely rude to an innocent third party is kind of a hard sell :D and basically all of the rest of this, I love—the more I think about it, the more I can buy Clark feeling Some Kind of Way about all the gorgeous models (dudes, ladies, neither, Bruce Wayne is ~flexible) Bruce has on his arm all the time, one second wishing that that were him and the next second telling himself not to be so stupid (and it's not precisely that he'd LIKE having lots of people staring at him, flashes going off in his face, all of that—but it wouldn't be about Superman, it would be because he was with Bruce, because he was Bruce's and everyone was seeing him be Bruce's, and he'd have Bruce's attention, too, the headiest part of all—) ... and also feeling a certain uncharitable degree of, like, frustration, because none of these people actually know Bruce, and so it's annoying to watch them be dismissive or patronizing toward ~Bruce Wayne~; he wouldn't be like that, he respects Bruce, he cares about who Bruce actually is, he'd be grateful if Bruce gave him the time of day and he'd do whatever he could to be worthy of it ... and also being afraid he couldn't get Bruce, or if he got him, couldn't keep him, when he'd have to compete with people who look like that, people who can swan their way through upscale parties just as smoothly as Bruce can, people who are glamorous and confident and important. ;-;

And OF COURSE he'd tie himself into a huge ugly knot about it, of course he'd get himself worked up in his head over it until he can't stand to watch Bruce smile and ~bedroom eyes~ at and kiss EVEN ONE MORE OF THESE GD RANDOS, and OF COURSE Bruce would take that carefully imposed distance at least ten wrong ways at once and decide he must be the problem. :'D I will never get tired of writing Clark snapping in the face of Bruce's unwillingness to believe Clark genuinely wants him and articulating his actual feelings as forcefully as he can figure out how to, AND *clenches fists* YES, LIFE-CHANGING SEX INDEED. :DDDDD

So, yeah, as always, I can make you no promises, but if I do actually manage to write this idea, I will 100% give all credit to this ask (and/or to you directly, if you want to send me a follow-up with a username I can attribute! IF NOT NO WORRIES ♥ and seriously, thank you so much for the ask and the prompt!)

[d1onysusw1n3]

Luke castellan -

daughter of Dionysus pt 2.

╚»★«╝

Tw: lil bit of spice, alcohol bc well Dionysus, Astrope,Luke,Jake,And Amy are all 18+

*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*

You know, I'm one of the most powerful people in the world, and yes I said one, Just above straight Men and Old white ladies with that one ugly side pixie cut, I'm a demigod, and a damn powerful one too. I believe everyone has morals, Sometimes I don't necessarily follow mine, but A for Effort. Anyways this all started when me and my stupid friends decided to throw a damn party late at night whilst stealing wine from the janitors cabinet and while potentially threatening his cabin with arson. Honestly like I said I do have morals, they just don't agree with me.

I sigh shaking my head at the sight before me. Currently me, Jake, Amy, and Luke were sat in My dads office as he was supposed to “scold us” due to the party Amy threw for "thanksgiving", though we all know it was just her trying to wow a boy, like usual. To be real honest with you, if it was Chiron I’d be quaking in my boots. If it was anyone other than my dad, I would at least feel guilty for it. “You bozos got yourself in trouble and now instead of me sitting down drinking my Diet Coke, I’m here yelling at kids!” He screams throwing his hands up. Classic Mr. D move. Being more mad at the fact we cut into his “Me time” than teenagers stealing alcohol and threatening the janitors house with arson. “Rigggght, so your mad because your here, not because Astrope threatened to burn down Tito’s cabin?” Jake says again with a squint biting his lips while scrunching his face in confusion.

“Get out.”

We all head out his office in a straight line I turn around opening my mouth to say something, probably idiotic, and would do nothing but piss my dad off more. Though he just slammed the door in my face making me pout. “ASSBUTT!” I scream at the closed door. "SHUT IT RED." My dad screamed back through the door. rude.

“My dessert privileges are revoked until I’m wrinkly but damn was it so worth it” Amy sighs in content. “Anyways catch ya losers later gotta run” she waves at us before walking off to the Aphrodite boy shes been trying to court.

"Dude does she ever just enjoy being single." Jake sighs at her. I slip my hand into Luke's as he zones out on the new kid Percy. Man I don't know what's gotten into him but its throwing me off, i don't have a good feeling at all.

I feel a small squeeze of my hand, my eyes trail over to his beautiful features, you could tell he was God gifted. I see a soft smile grow on his cheeks. Immediately I felt better. I just smile back giving him a peck on his nose. He bends down planting a sweet kiss on my forehead.

"Mmm, you smell like sweet grapes." Luke mumbles while his lips are still attached to my forehead.

"EUGH YOU GUYS ARE WORSE THAN AMY." Jake rolls his eyes while fake gagging.

"Hey jake~" A Aphrodite daughter waves at him seductively.

"Hey baby what's going on?!" He immediately stops fake gagging and wraps a flirtatious arm around her shoulder while trotting away.

"Dude he's such hypocrite." I mutter.

"BITCH!" He turns yelling at me.

"WHORE!" I scream back.

“You guys are a handful.” Luke sighs while dragging me to our field. Last time we made out there grape vines spouted all around us. It was beautiful. But embarrassing.

Luke’s pov:

“Would I be the daughter of Dionysus If I wasn’t?” Astrope says as i pick her up twirling her around.

“You make a good point princess.” I mumble in awe of her raw unique beauty.

“Why thank you pretty boy.” She smirks down at me with that mischievous grin as i gently lay her soft body down in the long grass. All around us were grape vines and vegetation. I lean down giving her a long sweet kiss on her beautiful fully red tinted glossy lips. Her lipgloss tasted of sweet red wine. If anything could describe her it would be wine red. wine Red hair, wine red glossy lips, wine red converse. She was beautiful.

“Your beauty takes my breath away astrope.” I whisper down at her. I couldn't help but to get chocked up, Especially since I won't know when the next time I'll see her.

She blushes and shies away from me due to all the attention I was giving her. I mean she was used to eye gawking attention usually in a comedic way or little boys wanting to drool at the sight of her, usually new campers, yet I don’t think anyone has loved her the way I do.

“Stop luke last time I accidentally grew grape vines and my dad made me tend to them all summer.” She huffs at me.

"All the better? Sweet grapes, and my favorite girl." I lean down once more placing a sweet kiss to her full lips. She sighs melting into my body, Our limbs were tangled together as the grape vines behind us, but I could care less about those. I could feel her getting more needy as her tongue grazes my bottom lip, immediately i push my tongue in her mouth, she opens giving me access. This kiss was passionate and needy. I could tell she was getting impatient as I run my hand up the side of her thigh, then down the middle splitting her legs open so I could lay in between her. she drags her soft hands under my shirt up my bare toned back, I shiver at her touch, the pads of her fingers were warm and soft, they felt welcoming.

"Mm I need you baby" I rasp into her ear. I felt myself slowly getting excited by the way she was grinding up into me.

"Then take me." She leans up to whisper in my ear. Immediately I run my hands under her shirt gripping her chest whilst running warm thumb over her nipple. She moans at the contact arching her back up off the grass and into me. I could feel every vein in me light in a deathly uproar of flames. My body felt like it was aching and the only thing that could cure me was burying myself into her tight cu-

"Oh gods!"

Astrope POV:

"Oh gods!"

I shoot up pushing Luke off of me, he rolls on his back with a oof. I look over to see Chiron and.. My dad. Only he was staring at us with a gaping mouth and a crushed coke in his hand. Well I'm fucked.

"may the gods have mercy on me." I mumble a quick prayer.

"YOU WONT WANT THEIR MERCY. AND YOU LARRY CASTILLO, ILL KILL YOU!"

“MY NAME IS LUKE!?” he screams while scrambling up sprinting down the field.

My dad runs after Luke but by the time he passes me Luke is halfway across the yard in long strides, he's a warrior and my dad was cast out of Olympus for falling in love with a nymph, you can guess who won that race.

"GODS, WHEN I CATCH YOU LANCE CASTIAL ILL KILL YOU!" My dad screams while wheezing out of breath from the lack of exercise he gets. My dad shoots up turning around pointing a daunting finger in my face.

"IT'S LUKE CASTELLAN, LUKE DAD." I argue.

"YOU GIRL ARE IN HUGE, GIANT, GIGANTIC, LARG-"

"Okay! I get it!" I scream over him whilst slapping his finger out my face.

"You don't get to be mad. THAT LITTLE BOY WAS FONDLING YOU!" My dad screams flailing his arms over his head whilst jumping.

"Fondling? Really!" I start while my lips quiver in embarrassment. "Or was I just kissing my Boyfriend and you came in and ruined my whole date." I say as my face heats up in embarrassment.

Nobody has to go through what I do. I remember saying that my dad don't have a normal father daughter relationship, its because we don't. I don't have a father, I have a mediocre friend, that's where he stands, you know the gods in Olympus swore to never contact their children, even whilst we're dying out. Yet those gods don't want anything more but to hold their children, they long for them, it's apparent in the secret gifts they drop, or the hotels like apollos for his children to rest peacefully during missions, You know what i got, a father that can fully interact with his daughter but chooses to instead mope around drinking coke praying for the day the gods let him back into Olympus.

"I don't get it, You don't talk to me or hangout with me, I've never had a childhood or a proper relationship with you, when I want to talk to you or spend time with you," I scoff. "Your working and I need to call you Mr.D but when I have a boy who loves me, would do anything for me, you're now my dad and now you say no?" I stop looking at his now blank face.

"That's it nothing to say really?"

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "I don't know how to do the whole father daughter thing, I'm new too this, But you are my daughter and i'll be damned if some boy ever tried to hurt my little girl." He walks over wrapping his arms around my shoulders hugging me tightly.

"Unlike the other gods I've seen you since you were just a baby astrope, I have raised you with help of the people at the camp, You are my little girl, I would burn the whole world if it meant I'd save you. You hear me?" My dad pulls me back to stare into his eyes, he wipes the falling tears off my face while placing a warm kiss to my temple.

"I Love you dad."

"I love you too red."

I hear painfully slow claps behind me so I turn around to see Jake and Amy slowly sarcastically clapping.

“Such a beautiful moment” Jake voice wobbles as any wipes away a fake tear.

“you shitbags.” I mumble.

“Yeah well now that this is over Luke wants to know if he’s going to be beheaded or not?” Any points to my dad.

“Depends on the weather.”

“DAD!”

“Kidding…maybe”

I sigh shaking my head at all there of them, bunch of idiots. We make our way back to main camp and we see Chiron standing there awkwardly. I slowly walk up with my head held down and tail tucked between my legs like a kicked puppy.

“I’m sorry Chiron that you had to see.. anyways I promise to not do that again, happy Hanukkah!” I spit out quickly while turning on my heels and running to my dad’s office. Currently he’s giving Luke “the talk” I know he’s scared shitless. As soon as I burst open the door I see Luke leaned back talking to my dad whilst, drinking a glass of wine?

“So no blood, that’s a good sign.” I sass at their comfortability. It was nice.

“No Luke was just telling me about how you two met!” My dad smiles at me. Wine. Oh lord Luke is in for a treat. I smile as luke hands me a glass I walk over to the seat next to him laying my legs across his lap. I was zoning out sipping my glass whilst watching my two favorite people get along. It was all that I ever wanted and more.

[leupagus]

Live Gus Reacts! After a nap

So this one isn't going to be long because my carpal tunnel is acting up, but I loved this episode. Yes, there were some after-school-special elements, but I think Chuck Hayward knocked it out of the park, especially considering this was his only screenplay for this show (of course, he's won Emmys for Wandavision and is about to run his own show so dude knows what he's about). It felt much more interwoven than last week's, and certainly flowed a lot better.

I'm hilarified that Edyta Budnik's Polish background was used for Jade's character, similar to how most of the Richmond players' actual backgrounds are used on the show (and why I had her reading a book in Polish in the WifeGuy fic I'm writing). I will say that Rupert, specifically, clocking that was an interesting moment because there is a very real (and ugly) history of prejudice against Polish immigrants in England; Rupert was not being charming there, by any means. The whole interaction with Rupert and Nate in this episode was really fascinating, because Rupert's clearly alarmed at the fact that Nate is getting outside support — he was so effective at cutting Nate completely off from everyone at Richmond, but here Nate is, building his own network here (Roger's invitation suggests to me that this isn't the first time Nate's been out with the West Ham staff/team after a game). And for Rupert, that's unacceptable — Nate's become as much a "possession" to him as Rebecca once was, so he's going to try his best to keep Nate isolated. Unfortunately for him, Nate is still The Great and is learning to balance his newfound pride with his enduring kindness. So however that shakes out will be fun to watch, I think. (All the fingers crossed that it ends with Rupert getting struck by lightning, because really how could you improve on mardia's masterpiece.)

One thing I hate about this storyline, though, is that Nick Mohammed is still having to field abuse from racist fans who think he hasn't "atoned" enough to be allowed happiness or character growth; I love seeing more of Nate, but not at the expense of Mohammed having to deal with this bullshit.

Re: the Colin storyline, I can't really say whether or not it was handled well or poorly, because my personal reaction to it has overwritten that kind of objective analysis. I've read a few reactions, which run the gamut, and I can see how those scenes may have left people disappointed/elated/angry/satisfied. For me, knowing that this episode was written by a Black man my age, from my mom's alma mater (and uhhhh glad to see they changed the mascot from when she went there) and that he and Dylan Marron were the two writers "in charge" of Colin's storyline does make me more inclined to see the choices — Ted's ridiculous Denver Broncos analogy, Isaac's lashing out and somewhat remedial "how does gay work" questions — as deliberate explorations of how straight men can and do react to finding out their friend is gay: not perfectly or even well, but borne out of love and respect and desire to protect. I was very grateful that the entire team immediately accepted Colin, because the last thing I wanted in that moment was "realism." Ditto with Colin's playing improving in the second half of the game, now that his two lives are (at least partially) connected; that's likely not what would happen IRL but I didn't care, even a little bit.

I'll admit I VERY much dig Rebecca as Tough Mom character this season; she's been doling out some extremely good advice to people, and it's delightful to me. Yes, she's a main character who's not getting enough to do, but like Ted I think the show still works when she's not in the spotlight, and when she gets to be the one offering support rather than needing it. And I adore her and Roy's weird-ass relationship, it's just incredible to get these glimpses into how they see each other.

Other than that: Sam giving Jamie the middle finger AND a beautiful smile was amazing, Jamie being pleased to be clocked as queer was interesting, the Higgins And Rebecca Buddies Fun Time is still great, and I want every one of Trent Crimm's t-shirts. And a clementine.

[menelaiad]

hi menelaiad do you know who broteas is are you able to explain who all the broteas' are i need so much help

broteas? oh THIS guy. yeah. what an elusive beast.

so. there is a broteas that is the son of tantalus (sibling to pelops and niobe) he is synonymous with the sculptor broteas. this is also the same broteas who doesn't honour artemis and throws himself on a fire. (an australian poet made a reception piece that says broteas was the son of athena and hephaestus and threw himself on a fire cause he was so ugly. but that is reception clearly inspired by the original)

there are TWO broteas' in Ovid (broteas'? broteai?) one is the tantalid and one is just another dude who dies fighting centaurs.

confused? yeah, you're supposed to be. lemme' explain as best i can and with how I understand all this:

PAUSANIAS tells us that this sculpture of cybele was made by broteas, son of tantalus. so that's pretty clear cut:

[3.22.4] and some thirty stades farther is Acriae, a city on the coast. Well worth seeing here are a temple and marble image of the Mother of the Gods. The people of Acriae say that this is the oldest sanctuary of this goddess in the Peloponnesus, although the Magnesians, who live to the north of Mount Sipylus, have on the rock Coddinus the most ancient of all the images of the Mother of the gods. The Magnesians say that it was made by Broteas the son of Tantalus.

(here is the carving just cause yknow its nice. good job broteas)

APOLLODORUS tells us of this broteas:

[E.2.2] Broteas, a hunter, did not honor Artemis, and said that even fire could not hurt him. So he went mad and threw himself into fire.

NOW. we know this is the son of tantalus guy (or at least we can HEAVILY imply it is) because he's literally talking about the line of tantalus. the paragraph before is about tantalus and the paragraph after is about pelops. so it'd be weird to throw an unrelated guy in there.

HOW did he dishonour artemis? as far as i'm aware we do not know. or at least there's nothing concrete. the accepted or widely shared story comes from the little information we have: being a hunter, broteas should have been devoted and good to artemis, however, he abandons her to carve cybele in the mountain and dedicates his life to her. some even say refusing to carve anything for artemis. despite their connection through the hunt. so, being dishonoured that way, artemis sends him mad.

OVID also tells us of this act from Broteas and becomes the events and the guys name are the same?? we assume it's the same dude.

May you be worthy of truncation, like that son of Astacus, Melanippus, a maimed corpse, your head eaten by your fellow men, or may you give your burning limbs to the kindling pyre, as they say Broteas did in his desire for death. ***** some believe this is the broteas who is the ugly son of athena and hephaestus. but i dont THINK it actually says??? i mean the 'desire for death' fits that narrative better BUT who knows broteas was driven mad so.

the other broteas in ovid is said to be a twin of ammon. so we can say this is a different guy because tantalus didn't have a son called ammon that we know of. so.

NOW. you're probably wondering about Tantalus II (first husband of clytemnestra killed by agamemnon. if that makes ANY sense to you i personally cannot abide that path but okay. a bunch of different sources put HIM either as the son of broteas, thystes or niobe. so. take your pick on that front?

DID THAT CLEAR ANYTHING UP FRIEND??? ;;;;;;;;

[lingy910y]

Ian and Mickey Meta Questions: Clothing

this is my moment 🙏 aka just me rambling to myself @gallavichmeta

1. When do you think the first time was that one wore the others clothes? And what feelings did they have about it?

I’m looking through gifs and it seems like the earliest occurence is during 2x01/3x11 with this grey hoodie? and my only interpretation of this is that sometime during the s2 summer, Ian left it at the dugouts after they fucked. and Mickey saw it in the corner of his closet since he also forgot to give it back, and naturally was drawn to it without realizing it’s Ian’s to help him cope with how sad he was :/

2. Mickey is the youngest brother in his family and Ian is the middle brother in his family. What feelings do they have about hand-me-down clothing?

Mickey didn’t care at all cause that’s the way life was for him in Terry’s household, sadly.

Well canonically Ian was tired of living under Lip’s shadow and he’s his only older brother, so naturally some of his clothes are his hand-me-downs. You can also see that in the show. I think that Ian didn’t rly mind this particularly, just shows how close he is with Lip y’know? and they have different styles but so similar at the same time esp Lip’s is more nerdy

3. Do you think either of them have a favourite outfit or item of clothing?

Oh I know Mickey fucking LOVES his black boat neck sleeveless tank. mans wears it all the time, like if he was in a dress up game this would be his default option. I saw a cute fanart speculating that the reason why he mostly wears sleeveless clothes esp in early seasons is bc he overheard Ian saying he esp loves a r m s in men so he cut them specifically, but I feel like he felt uncomfortable and wants to stretch his arms. we all know how he’s a man of action

On the other hand Ian is obsessed with military outfits 💀 first of all bro got the ugly buzzcut. ok sure, whatever, he changes hairstyles every season anyway. but then he was wearing his rotc uniform everywhere?? cutting it into shorts for the club? and he dared mickey to wear the camo for the gig 💀💀 he literally has a kink for it and it’s embarrassing i’m sorry. tho I’m a hypocrite cause he does look good in it, but when does he not? if a watch counts as an item of clothing tho I’m gonna say that instead

4. Do you think either of them have a least favourite item of clothing?

Can I say Mickey’s first wedding suit? Because he was yanking the bowtie when he came out of the dressing room and the whole thing was both literally and metaphorically was suffocating him. which was why it was so meaningful for him to get to choose his white suit (and other stuff in his second wedding), even if he had to straight-up take his and Ian’s by force ASDKFJL

Ian telling Mandy he didn’t want to starve himself to fit that golden thong was so :((( I think he also greatly regrets his job at the club, so all memories involving it are prob bad for him. rly wished the show didn’t just brush how he felt under the rug

5. What do you think their personal style says about them?

Well Mickey’s style screams thug (not necessarily king of the southside) that’s for sure

Ian’s fashion sense is very wack lmfao. I think it just means that he’s a silly goofy boy! Someone said "every cis gay millenial dude owns this shirt" under a gifset of his raglans 😭

6. What items of clothing hold most significance for them?

Didn’t Mickey personally say in 11x05 that he “loves this shirt” in response to the black shirt he was wearing, and the whole fandom agreed that it’s the same one that Ian wore to Mexico 🥺 MEANWHILE HE WAS WEARING THE FLANNEL?? THAT SPANS A WHOLE TIMELINE

And Ian’s EMT jacket def means a lot to him. Everytime I look at it I gain new waves of emotion so I can’t even imagine what he feels when he reminiscences during late nights TT

7. Do you think the way Mickey’s sense of style changed over time was to do with his relationship with Ian?

Yes, definitely. Says a lot that he was dirtier in the early seasons, like he never gave a fuck abt his appearance bc there were other things to focus on before Ian did. I can imagine Ian nuzzling Mickey’s shoulder during another one of their summertime fucks at the dugouts, so Mickey wanted to clean up nice for him without directly saying anything. And how overtime, he dressed more and more fashionable :D

8. Ian has worn a few different uniforms (ROTC, janitor, EMT, prisoner, fake EMT etc etc) over the course of the series, how do you think they made him feel?

I feel like the ROTC and EMT uniforms made him feel empowering, like he’s reaching his ambition of doing something with his life. Then the other ones like his stripper outfit as I’ve mentioned in 4, janitor, prison, fake EMT uniforms rly made him feel horrible. But I think he did grow to like his prison uniform after seeing Mickey in that white tank top all the time, maybe?

9. How does their emotional state affect their clothing choices?

It does, but I can’t necessarily find much apparent examples? But I like how in 3x09/ abandoned building, Mickey was wearing his sweater. I think sweaters and sadness definitely go together

10. We see Mickey wear colourful/Hawaiian shirts a couple of times, how do you think those types of clothes make him feel?

It makes him feel fun! The first time he clicks his tongue, does a little dance, and asks ian for his approval & the second time he lets out a “ooh!” He’s a cutie. I rly get emotional whenever Mickey gets to experience the little joys in life that he never rly got to express when he was younger. Then I get emotional for a different reason - he had a whole dream of laying in the sun with Ian in Mexico but he ended up doing it alone or not at all I’m fucking crying

11. Compare their first and last appearances, what do their outfits tell us about the characters?

They both dress more “maturely” in the last eps compared to the first ones :0c cargo jackets(?) !!!

[magnoliamyrrh]

Paul is a fucked up manchild who berates his mom the second he gets supernatural powers and sees himself as better than everyone. That’s only if you can get past herbert’s awful writing where his villains gotta be fat and gay and he repeats these facts every single time they switch povs as if the audience has somehow forgotten (seriously, highlight every time herbert mentions the villain is fat. It’s so common it’s just boring stale writing). Paul in dune is the worst kinda self insert fanfic. Dune is such a shitty book girl how do you enjoy it

ohh he definetely is a man child; i feel bad for him in like the first half of the first book mainly bc hes a teenager, hes 15, like, a teenager teenager not an almost adult 17-18. he may come from a powerful family but hes just thrust into very messed up circumstances, more or less tortured to prove hes human, has to grapple with being some sort of raised-to-be-exceptional genetic experiment and being used in some weird intergalactic lie and war, and incredible amount of historical pressure and other things. like, at 15, hes more kid than adult dealing w this. but also, while being 15, he is smart, and charming to others, and he quickly rises to great infleunce and is good at manipulation. and yea the moment he gets some more power he turns it even against his own mother, against himself, and against others and the longer they go on the more insufferbale he becomes; what ground of expeptionalism in him existed gets raised tenfold -hes an inherently flaued character by all means who even when he tries he fucked up badly many times. i mean like hell, among all the shit he ends up doing, even just that thing that he himself didnt have the power to put shit in order, so he ends up forcing it on his son, like how he was shoved into a bunch of things when he was younger

and yes lol i am well aware of the villan thing. i do get that in this context the "fat" thing and even the gay pedo thing is moreso an allegory for greed and the keeping of and hoarding of precious things (im Not saying fat ppl are like this mind u, im not saying its good either, but in many cultures fat has or is indeed revered as a sign of wealth; and this is used to contrast to those who dont have, and i reckon this is where it comes from in the story). but yes, i do think thats uhh i hate this word problamatic. the fat thing, the gay thing, the pedo thing. definetely part of an ongoing issue of attaching several of those characteristics to villans, and also of making villans generally ugly, thus associsting the two together. like yup, its definitely not good

idk tho, i think. dune was written in the 1960s by a white dude. like, it doesnt suprise me that that stuff is in there. ive read plenty of things that have parts of them that are problamatic or outdated or offensive and it just,, is what it is. like idk i can enjoy something while also being aware and critical of the parts of it that are fucked up - i think if i wasnt able to, i wouldnt be able to like,,,, explore a lot of the literature that exists out there, especially older literature, no matter from where its from in the world or if its written by men or women. most of it or most authors at least have written some weird shit or held some weird shit. idk just a stupid parallel off the top of my head i love the 1001 nights stories - i grew up with them - but theyre filled to the brim with weird shit and problamatic things and sexism and racism and slavery and whatever else, like absolutely filled - to an extend they reflect the times. i still, however, enjoy reading them tho

i also dont know how much paul is a self insert - maybe. ive never read the dude as sympathetic or a sympathetic anti-hero much. i did find the idea that out of this all-female order theyd have the idea that a male would be the one w the greatest power and some sort of prophesied force of power weird, sooo idk maybe. but idk, if its a self insert i rlyyy dont think its supoosed to be a flattering one much. the dude just gets worse and worse as the books progress, and he ends up after fucking up so much and being too weak to fix it, exiled, alone, spending his last yesrs wondering in loneliness and deep regret. so, i dont think its shown that his superiority complex or anything else brought him something good; it just lead to tragedy

mostly i like the series for the intricacy of its plot and the way its introduced, the messages it tries to send even if it at times fails or does so badly. like yea, its not perfect, but it is trying to ssy something about foreign meddeling and co-opting of religions and cultures and desperste situstions, or colonialism and capitalism, of exploitation, greed, power, etc. and also in very large part its lore, its scifi elements, its weird out there mysticism, and all the parts of it that are very, very weird. i am fascinsted by the world that this dude created. im a really big fan of magical realism and to an extent the books are like this - because they start more normal and over time become more and more mystical and fantastical and weird and less grounded as more concepts, creatures, and affects of the spice are introduced. i also do like that the main character isnt an actual hero. all this talk of prophecy and whatever, but its all bad, and it goes so fucking bad. its to an extent a subversion of classical fantasy tropes, combined with space scifi.... and yes. there are times when the writing isnt great, or when its outdated, or when it hammers things again and again (like the villan thing). i also think in many places the writing is intriguing, careful, and calls for attention and contemplation of what is happening

and idk apart from something like 1001 nights..... to an extend, i feel abt dune as i feel about game of thrones. i rly love those books. yes theyre writing by an old white man. yes there are parts of them (less than the show id say) which are problamatic and outdated and i could go on a whole list about that. but, i still enjoy them. i think the world grrm martin created is insanely insanelyyy complex, beautiful, fascinating, the lore is some of the deepest and most intriguing ive ever seen, and the character writing - the sheer complexity of the characters, the willingness to show how fucked up humans are and how often things are so stupidly complicated, the way he can get us to love even insufferable characters, the way there are no perfect good heros, the broader anti-war and even climate change message, the harsh and grounded realism of much of the series,,, the way theyre also kinda like magic realism, bc over the books magic keeps coming back more and more, the world becomes more full of mystic and mystery and prophecies which arent 100% true, the way the books are largely a subversion of fantasy tropes. like, yea. theyve got issues, grrm martins writings got issues. but i think theyre brilliant in many ways at the same time 🤷‍♀️

so i guess. yea. im definitely not saying the books dont have issues or theyre perfect or theyre the peak of literature. but im still able to enjoy parts of them

[shewantedtoandsoshedid]

This man text me to check on me after the storm...

I'm a little upset he didn't text me before the storm, but I didn't even think to text him at all tbf. I don't even think that he text his girlfriend beforehand; their relationship is so weird and distant to me. Far be it from myself to understand the intricacies of being Catholic and modern dating... Anyways I think her and I are probably the only two people he text... Our mentor probably text him.

Idk... Either I'm his only friend or there's still something there. Like if he gets married, his brother will be his best man, but who else will be standing up there with him as a groomsmen? He's too traditional to have a woman up there and honestly I wouldn't want to. Does she have so few close friends too that it works out? Will it just be uneven? Probably boy cousins if he has any... I'd join for a bachelor party, that he'll probably get roped into and hate tho.

None of this is actually my problem. They might be engaged already at this point, tho on his salary? I doubt it. I am one two people he cared enough about to make sure that I was alright and offer help to, outside of his family. Well if they've been dating this long, I suppose that makes her family... Okay so I'm the one person outside his family. Lol

Idk man. Someone said when you make guy friends effortlessly, it's called pretty privilege and you just have to make sure that your guy friends have the best intentions. Idk that that's true. I've always felt more like one of the guys, but maybe all the guys never saw me that way? Maybe I projected that they only saw me as one of the guys and really they saw me as a pretty and chill girl. As an adult most of the men I've been friends with have shot their shot or indicated that they wanted to at least.... Fuck, why did nobody tell me I'm pretty after like age 10?! That's when we need to hear it most! Yanno, a friend was talking to this guy on my behalf once in high school and asked what he thought of me... And his answer was, "she aight". I knew enough about self esteem to walk away from that dude, but I don't know that I ever let go of that mentality (funnily enough, his cousin was head over heels for me; but I'm fairly sure he just wanted to fuck, I bet he was pretty annoyed that I liked his tall, dark, and handsome cousin. Oh well, maybe don't be a lech; cause like this to be clear, the lecherous cousin wasn't ugly on the outside). I was not gorgeous, but not ugly, just me; just aight.

And so when my ex came along calling me beautiful I thought here's someone that sees me and isn't afraid to say it, but everything she ever said was just lies for her own personal gain. So where does that land me...? Determining my own worth again, someplace I'm very well acquainted with; but struggle to navigate. And honestly, while physical features have moved me, they've never been the most important thing I sought out in partners. All of the gorgeous men I've been friends with had to have good personalities as well; call me greedy.

What I want is the express opinions of every man I've ever met so that I can analyze all the data and draw conclusions. Especially if they found me attractive from the start or only after they got to know me, like I suspect. 🤔 I'm discounting the opinions of women because in general the women I hang out with would find anyone beautiful I think. They'd never call someone ugly because of their physical features. I also have to acknowledge the how much racism and exoticism might have factored into my experiences. 🙃

The data may be imperfect, but I still want it. I want to understand how others see me; how they value me. Sure I'm smart, that's never been in doubt, but what else do you value about me?

[cryptometaphor]

Axel: Dude don't follow that beast infection. She's a tranny and like the incel queen

Me: ahahahaha I LOVE IT imma go call Sarah the incel queen right now

Poof: (giggling)

Havoc: Whose this bitch?

Poof: Y'all should listen to Jim. He's the rizzler. He knows what girls want

Axel: Jim's a good friend but he a fucking simp bro

Havoc: Yeah you just want guys simping for you

Poof: Naw man. Jim's in love. Like guys are cringe as all hell desperate for sex, children, like I get it. We all want that. But when one actually explores their feelings and is in love? It's so precious.

Poof: Like, that's the thing. When you're boys, you get abused and become useless ass men. But every so often the boy comes out.

Axel: Pedooooo

Havoc: But we're wrong for desiring cunny

Poof: y'all just want cunny to goon.

Me: Ok I'm back. I saw this vintage ad of like strawberry macroon ice cream too... If this business idea works out, imma buy me and Sarah some macaroons to celebrate

Poof: Awwwww

Axel: Fucking simp man STOP you're embarrassing yourself

Me: Macaroons taste great man, you ever had them?

Axel: I'm sure they do but come-on man. Sarah isn't even here, you don't gotta put on the act. It's just use dudes

Havoc: Well and poof

Axel: She ugly. May as well be a guy

Havoc: Don't give her that credit

Poof: Jim do you think I'm attractive? I'll send pics

Havoc: Typical woman behavior. Wants to wreck

Me: I am not gonna be tempted by any mid ass woman.

Me: I mean yeah you're alright, what's your point?

Poof: Alright?! Daaaaammmnnn

Axel: Rejected

Poof: Not even. Like I know men. Jim is in-love. Like he wants to smash, but he's not gonna jeopardize what he has. Damn. How do I find that? Look at my choices Jim. These two? Most of you people

Axel: You people? Poof: Men

Axel: Well than say men. What do you mean you people lol

Me: Like I'll be honest with ya Poof, guys like me have high body counts. You're gonna have to be ok with that because finding that girl we really love is hard. Like I spent years, DECADES trying to fill that void. Women think it's attractive to act stupid and docile. It's not.

Axel: Dude shut uppppp

Poof: stfu Axel. Jim, what do real men like?

Me: Intelligence. And I don't mean (nasal voice) "well y'see, the weight of a neutron is..." I mean that's impressive, but I mean self aware. Like you've ever had a sperg rage and just thrown a box of rusty nails at someone?

Poof: LOL. Havoc: Jim likes them schizo

Me: Schizo is where it's at. The more schizo the better. Like last girl Sarah was arguing with, she was like "you have a crusty cunt!"

Poof: Daaaammmnnnn

Havoc: Jim is literally gonna die. Like Sarah gonna kill him in his sleep yandere style.

Me: I mean only if I cheat on her or something. Which I'd never do.

Axel: Simp

Poof: Shutup Axel

Axel: You a simp too. You know Jim is a short guy right?

Poof: I don't care. Never said I wanted to have his kids, but yeah I'd fuck the shit out him.

Me: Many such cases.

Havoc: That's the thing. Women just see red pill pseudo Chads as exotic pets. He might as well be the dog and peanut butter

Me: Dog pill

Poof: Yes, women are big gooners. But at least we don't cry about it and go on no fap thinking it's gonna give us magic powers

Me: This is true but like, you should be aiming for love, what does it matter if the guy is short?

Poof: Well that's cause I know life is tough and they need to be big enough to be a soldier or an athlete. Like not everyone can be a scientist or doctor

Me: I mean I don't think height has any bearing on any of that

Havoc: omg you're so liberal...

Axel: Like when you're more liberal than the woman...

Me: I'm serious like. Evidentially wars are on the decline and...

Axel: Bullshit

Poof: With climate change, economic collapse etc. you're either a bandito or dead.

Me: Well you were hating these guys but your politics are adjacent to theirs.

Poof: I know you've said yourself that's how people operate where they hate their own the most. "Better an enemy than a traitor"

Me: I did say that

Poof: It's true. Like these guys fuckup my political line cause they're stupid. And yeah they're tall, but so was Shrek

(Sarah gets on and puts her mouth right onto the mic)

Sarah: KEEP YOUR CRUSTY CUNT AWAY FROM HIM

Poof: Jump scare, Jesus lol

Me: Based honey!

Sarah: Also what's this shit about not dating Shrek? Like if you wouldn't fuck Shrek, you're not a real woman. I'm revoking your woman card.

Havoc: So are you saying...

Sarah: No, you guys are nowhere near Shrek

Axel: But Jim is always gonna be second fiddle to Shrek even if Shrek isn't real. Ten years from now you're gonna be like is this the best I can do?

Sarah: I waited for Jim for more like 20 years. Besides, he's my little puss N boots

Everyone: LOL

Sarah: Havoc is Donkey. Axel you're like... A taller Rumpelstiltskin

Axel: Wow

[the-acid-pear]

Dreams tonite were actually remembered let me write down what I gathered

Earliest I can remember is a scene from what was Up 2. I didn't know it was Up 2 for a bit bc i was watching the movie in chunks (unsure if on or off camera). The protagonist was a woman this time, maybe Ellie, and she didn't look that old but she was dressed like a grandma with a cloth over her shoulders hunched back and w a cane.

When she tried to go up the stairs to her house (she was in a hurry) they broke and like monster house it was like they were trying to eat her. She was w a boy, anywhere from teen to young adult, who was holding her trying to pull her out. She even was completely submerged at one point.

She did make it inside the house tho and there were like 15 minutes left but I just didn't feel like finishing it despite finding it very enjoyable.

I think I was off at school now. We were gonna get a special class but I was sent off elsewhere. So now I was sitting on the side to a therapist's office. Middle top there was a desk with the professional and two chairs in front and to the side past the door there was I laying in the therapist couch™ just chilling with my phone as these people came and went. At least 2 did before Tim Burton showed up. His name sounded way longer tho so maybe they called him Timothy Burton or something.

Dude looked a bit more pale and disheveled but he had the black curly hair and beard. He was also pretty tall. And also very fucking awkward about the fact some guy he didn't know was in the room as he went to therapy (he was with someone else too I think he was being dragged here). He did say hi to me shyly waving a hand and I said hi twice bc I'm awkward like that. I thought of asking him for an autograph not bc i gave a fuck about the guy but bc i mean might as well you know? But then I didn't and was allowed to leave.

Outside I met with a shit ton of old faces. For starters there was my first BF from primary school who was having a meltdown because they tried to teach him about sexualities, but there was also the Bully™ also from primary school (he stuck longer than the first guy) who was just puking red, idk if it was blood but bro was going thru it. But I also looked my former bestie in the eye and spoke to her and she told me in the room another bestie of mine one with whom I didn't have a bad falling out had been in the class and I got really sad bc i loved that girl and I wanted to see her.

We then got lead to a big field. Reality and fiction mixed idk if I was back in the movie or not. I don't remember this as clearly. I complaint about the surroundings coloration. I met with two men outside. I stole two different pairs of sunglasses, second from a bat man (like the rusty lake guy, he was asleep).

Then I was with my class. And we were tasked to remake some... Buildings we'd written about before.

They made us run towards a wall full of boxes with clothes where we'd pick whatever we needed most, except as I looked around them not finding anything I needed (I wanted something masculine) I realized these were all clothes from my grandma. Complaint to myself about my dad not telling me where they were before.

I went inside of a warehouse. I was looking for art supplies. Many people were working on wood. There were half finished chairs on a table. I didn't know what I wanted

With another guy we found in a shelf pens inside a pencil case, and for some reason he was removing them one by one. Bro spilled some liquid paper (LICUI PAIPER) on my black puffy jacket. I was upset

I walked past a now SECONDARY school classmate. Not a friend, but the third wheel of the big brain sisters. She was killing it with her design.

Then a primary school guy again, a good friend. Good aside from us being extremely toxic that is. We made each other worse. Anyway his thing was flat and ugly it was just a sea with a little island and and even littler palm tree or perhaps human. I laughed really hard because I remembered this was what he had originally written in an act of laziness, and I loved it. He was actually touched by the fact I remembered such a thing and thanked me.

I went outside. Outside they didn't let me touch my notes, in fact, they took them away. The 2 men were now 2 teachers, I'm sure women. I was frustrated. I kept thinking of other things I'd do and after failing really hard to draw an arm I decided actually I'm not going to fucking do this.

And then I woke up

[death-and-other-myths]

The Emperor and the Nightingale

ACT 2

(The Emperor sits in his throne room, seated upon a shining throne carved from marble, plated with silver, and accented by mother-of-pearl. He is surrounded by at least one hundred people. Some are his advisors and royal entourage— the group of well-dressed men about his age that sporadically relay quippy remarks and compliment him. All others are various entertainers.)

(Acrobats flip through the air. Fire dancers tumble to the right. Trained dogs are doing backflips on the left. A troupe of mimes perform on unicycles center stage.)

Emperor:

(Holds his head)

Oh woe. What have I done? What did I do to deserve a life so dull? So empty. I’m so bored and hollow I think I might die.

Royal Entourage Member #1:

Don’t die your majesty.

Royal Entourage Member #2:

But I’m sure if you did, it would be the best death.

Royal Entourage Member #3:

No one would die as handsomely as you!

Royal Entourage Member #4:

Whippy Zot Zam Zam! You’re the best, dude!

Emperor:

(Still writhing on the throne)

Woe… Woe… Woe…

Empress:

(Emerges into the room with the slam of the doors. Her hair is pulled into a slick ponytail and her make up is sharp and cat-like. She stomps to the throne confidently in one of her most ostentatious gowns. As soon as the appears, every party freezes to bow.)

Everyone out!

(She stomps to her throne to sit beside her husband.)

Emperor:

Dearest? Is that you? It’s so dark. So cold.

Empress:

Stop being dramatic, darling. Look, I’ve brought you the most glorious present.

(Alphonse and Ophelia enter the throne room with four robotic guards. A fifth one trails behind with Richard in tow, who is gagged and struggling.)

(The four guards are hauling the Nightingale by a gold chain around her neck. She has matching chains around her hands, which chime and jingle when she walks.)

(The Emperor peeks through his hands at first, then sits up with an astonished look.)

(The Nightingale looks human, but maintains a somewhat radiant form. Her hair is milky white. Her skin shines iridescent. She is barefoot, but wears a satin dress woven from moonlight. It shimmers with her movement, glinting just as pointedly as the arrow still stuck in her back.)

Emperor:

(Awestruck)

What is this?

Alphonse:

We are pleased to introduce the Nightingale, your majesty. Queen of midnight and lord of the enchanted forest.

Ophelia:

One of a kind and ready to perform at your command, this mythical creature’s song truly lifts the spirit.

Alphonse:

The Nightingale heals all ailments, even those of the heart.

Ophelia:

The Nightingale is yours, my Emperor.

Empress:

The Nightingale is ours, my love. What do you think of my generous gift?

Emperor:

(Has yet to blink)

She’s the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on.

Empress:

(Aghast)

Ah-Psh well. Yeah. If you have a thing for animals.

HEY! Sing, you!

The Nightingale:

(Does not move. Does not sing.)

Empress:

I command you to sing right this instant.

Heal my husband’s heart!

The Nightingale:

(Glares at the Empress)

Get this arrow out of me.

(The guards jerk her chains.)

Ophelia:

Obey your Empress, beast.

The Nightingale:

I obey no one.

Empress:

Quite an ugly little bird, if you ask me.

Alphonse:

(Turns to Richard)

You. Make her sing. Use your woodsman tricks to tame this beast.

Richard:

(Struggles to free himself of the gag)

My lady, forgive me.

Empress:

That’s more like it.

Richard:

(Gestures to the Nightingale)

I was talking to her.

The Nightingale:

(Glares at Richard)

I know you, woodsman. First you abduct thousands of my children, then you have the audacity to capture a god. Is there nothing you humans won’t ruin at the slightest touch?

(Shakes her chains at him)

The second I am freed yours will be the first life I collect!

Emperor:

Wait, wait.

(Gets up from his throne and jogs to them)

My dear, dear Nightingale. Forgive me. Forgive us our rudeness. Please, release her from these chains.

Alphonse:

Sir, with all due respect, that is ill-advised.

The Nightingale:

I am going to kill you.

Emperor:

Come now. There’s no need for bloodshed.

And you, kind… feral man that delivers my birds…

Richard:

Richard.

Emperor:

Yes. See to it that he is freed as well. You are my guests.

(Cautiously, they unchain her.)

(The Nightingale rolls her neck once it’s free of the gold. Though her hands remain bound, Alphonse and Ophelia hesitantly back away.)

(The Nightingale eyes the Emperor suspiciously.)

Emperor:

Better?

The Nightingale:

(Looks him up and down)

Are you the Emperor?

This man that is dying from a broken heart?

Emperor:

(Looks about the room uncomfortably. He leans in close to her.)

Is that— is that what they told you?

The Nightingale:

(Lets him come close)

There is great sadness in your eyes.

Emperor:

(Watches her. His face somewhat fragile.)

(The Nightingale leans over to glare at Richard, then teeters back to gaze at the Emperor again. For a long time, she considers him.)

(The Empress, Alphonse, and Ophelia look on with great interest.)

The Nightingale:

If I help you, you will take his arrow out of me and allow me to return to the forest?

Emperor:

Yes.

The Nightingale:

Then you will never set foot in my kingdom again. Not for me,

(she shoots a look at Richard)

and not for any of its tenants. If I ever see you again, I will not be so merciful.

Emperor and Richard:

Yes

(She pauses for a moment.)

(Takes a breath.)

(And then the Nightingale begins to sing.)

(It’s similar to the one they heard that night in the forest, though slightly less bird and a little more human.)

(Though infinitely more beautiful. There might be words, but it’s an ancient, operatic chant the likes of which no one has ever heard before. There’s a swell of gasps in the court as a palpable energy fills the room. Arms raise to wipe tears from their eyes.)

(The Emperor gasps, clutching his chest with an astonished smile on his face. When he squints his eyes, tears fall, and he can’t help it. He crumbles to his knees at the feet of the night god. She kneels with him, offers him her hands, and finishes her song.)

The Empress:

(Wipes a tear from her eye with a long red nail and offers a clap. The rest of the room follows suit.)

The Emperor:

(Shudders)

I can’t describe it. The gloom has lifted. My head feels clear. I haven’t felt such joy since I was a child. What have you done to me?

(He cries)

I feel full of light. All darkness is gone. Oh beautiful creature from the wood, how can I ever repay you?

The Nightingale:

(Rubs his back sympathetically)

You can stay out of my forest and never contact me again.

(The Emperor takes her hands.)

The Emperor:

I had no idea a song could change my life so much.

(The Nightingale smiles and tugs at her hands but he won’t let them go.)

The Emperor:

What if you leave and the darkness comes back?

The Nightingale:

That is none of my concern.

The Emperor:

You can’t leave. You’re the only thing that has ever brought me relief. Or true happiness. I don’t know what I’ll do without you.

The Nightingale:

You’ll manage.

(whips her hands free, but doing so causes pain in her shoulder)

The Emperor:

You must stay.

Alphonse:

You heard the Emperor. Cease her!

(As the robotic guards close in, Richard jumps forward, ripping the golden arrow out of the Nightingale’s back.)

Richard:

RUN!

(The Nightingale wastes no time, shoving past the Emperor and darting out of the throne room. She’s lighter than air and quick as the west wind. Her bare feet pound against the red carpet that lines the hallway, but she cannot return to her true form just yet. Her wound is still healing.)

(Guards and people shout all around her. Butlers and waitstaff throw themselves against the wall. Robot guards try to grab her, but she’s too fast. The Nightingale runs through a hall of statues. She runs through a kitchen stuffed with hundreds of cakes. She runs through a room that is just one giant dance party. Each room is more horrific than the last.)

(Desperately looking for open air, the Nightingale discovers the aviary. At this, she pauses. It is a giant ornate iron birdcage holding thousands of birds— all of whom are screaming at her.)

The Birds:

Help, mother! Help!

More Birds:

Run, mother! Run! In her moment of distraction, a golden arrow spears the Nightingale through her stomach. She looks at it— at her iridescent blood. And the scene goes black.

NEXT ACT

Table of Contents

[daedalmirage]

judge || ch3 trial || banri || re: gawain, mostly

There comes a time in which all young boys must grit their teeth for the first time to become men, and there forms a threshold which he calls his self-restraint, the levee to the flood that is his worst and most damnable emotions. 

At some point, faced with the torrent that is the decision to kill or let be, Banri crosses his line in a new way, for the first time. His tentative strategy has always been to hide from the world, to deny it’s being there, that if he closes his eyes and wills it away, reality cannot, will not, may not touch him. But his nerves and mind and lungs are and dripping with the inescapable choice, and like a fever in his blood, hot and burning against the rain of absolution given Manako and Daisy’s way, Banri’s jaw locks. His throat tightens, his eyes feel hot.

Banri gets furious.

Not in his tone of casual annoyance, bouncy and unserious. Not in his tone of disappointment, stern but sympathetic. No, this is forceful, this has weight, and for somebody so typically dull and even in the way he speaks, the strain on his throat is self evident.

“And what does fucking about and letting the vote go to the wayside prove, huh?! You heard what Misery said she’d do last time. We can’t get away with not voting for someone again, or else, someone else dies in her stead. You think they’re going to let us have the cure after it got thrown in the bush? They’ve probably already cleaned that up, like they do every crime scene and every corpse, so we can’t even read it now if we even tried. They never intended to have that available to us, and. And what?"

He hugs himself, tight. Too tight.

"You’re going to try to game the system again? Keep her alive in exchange for somebody else who had no part in this? Well, guess what got us here! Guess what keeps fucking getting us here! Sonia’s dead because we tried to be smarter than the rules. Nina’s dead because we tried to be smarter than the rules. Someone, either Manako, or whoever Misery chooses, is going to die because we tried to be smarter than the rules. Each time we tried, we just fucked ourselves over. We keep fucking ourselves over, and if we try to play it again by seeing if Manako can still read the secrets, we’re just going to fall into the same pit again."

He pulls on the drawstrings of his jacket as if in effort to rip them off.

"So what does this all do, huh? You think you’re absolving yourself by not voting, like that doesn’t make you complicit in the death of whoever gets picked? Like you're not making a choice any which way? As if. Not voting for the culprit’s still a choice: it’s just the one that lets your hands feel the least messy. The one that lets you sleep better at night, because at least you didn’t push for it. At least you get to say it’s not your fault.”

Something in him has unwound. The face stoic, controlled, plausibly deniable, has become unmistakably shaken.

��I know you’re not stupid, Keizo, you know that, and you’re hoping that needle lands on you, right?! That you can be the martyr and, and take the shot that was meant to go for someone else? But you’re one in thirteen, dude. It was Ray, last time. What are you going to do if you have to watch someone else get gutted, someone who didn’t contribute to being in this room in the first place, because you went and put your hands up? And this isn’t just about just him, this’s to everyone. Are you all going to bank that it’s not you who gets picked to pay? Are you ready to see what you get chosen to sacrifice?” 

Too scathing for someone who considers this man his best friend. But Banri was never good at hanging onto those. Things he’s hiding, things he’s left unsaid, things he barks out in the heat of the moment when he has nothing but his words to make him feel like he’s not completely helpless.

The glasses keep the welling of his eyes out of sight. The anger loosely fits over his pleading, desperate and ugly from his unsightly livid face.

“I don’t want to kill Daisy! I don’t want to kill Manako! I don’t want to kill anybody, it’s, not a matter of, deserving, or having a hand in it! Not at all! Who wins in this? Nobody, no matter what we do! Every choice we have to make, we have to live with. We didn’t ask to be here again! Nobody wanted anybody to get killed, nobody wanted it to turn out this way."

"But look where we are and what we have to do despite that. Look, I don’t care what you feel like is right to do at the end. But if you make that choice, you have to understand the gravity of it. You have to accept that you’re going to sacrifice someone uninvolved for that, and everything that means.”

His throat is hoarse. His part is over.

There is no honor to be found in war.

[slowsweetlove]

Okay we were 14 people in this screening. All couples except for me and one biker two seats over.

Break on through to the other side.

I love this fucking movie. Totally immersive. All the art departments did a wonderful job.

Jeff spoke about how he wanted the movie to look dense textually and boy oh boy did they deliver.

I want all the clothes. Doesn't matter men/women the wardrobe is beautiful.

Props and set decoration is a dream. The shift alone from a late 50s/early 60s kitchen to a 70s kitchen is so nuanced. And for people that care about this stuff it can really take you out of it if it's done wrong. But oh they did it so right here. The peeling wallpaper and the rotting window frames? I'm here for that shit.

And why did we start to build so ugly nondescript monochromatic cars when we had so beautiful colourful crafted vehicles back in the day?

The cinematography is so beautiful. The lighting, the colours. Just stunning.

And if you don't listen to the soundtrack all day and night I don't even wanna talk to you.

On to the actors.

I've never consciously seen Boyd Holbrook in anything before but now I've got to look him up on imbd. Any recommendations? I loved Cal with his spunky little earring. He just seemed to be a cool dude that really loved working on the bikes.👍

Oh Tom. I like your mumbling mess of line delivery (just makes it hard to sometimes understand him for a non native English speaker). Heartbreaking story arch. So well done. Hated that Johnny's family never came first for him. At least it seems like that in the film. His last goodbye to Betty? The last time he spoke with Kathy? He knew he'd be toast at that meeting. 🥹

I've only seen Jody Comer in that Ryan Reynolds movie (I forgot the title) and liked her very much in that. She's a force of nature in this. Kathy getting the last 'He's mine' in while leaving the bar was such a power move. Benny must be an exceptional good lay if she decides to keep him around.

The scene with the red dress is so creepy. I just wondered. Did the original vandals not know what 'the girl in the red dress' was? And if they did, fuck them for making Kathy wear it. Jodie deserves some recognition for this movie.

Austin.

What can I say that hasn't already been said? I'm so happy they didn't grease his hair like Johnny's but let it flow free. The scruff makes his lips look even bigger. Lashes this long should be illegal on any man. Jeff shooting him from behind while starting up a bike was such a power move. That 🍑 fine as hell. Look wise, out of all his movies, this totally feels the most like Austin himself.

I know Benny is supposed to be this dumb kid, up to no good, never taking responsibility and I get that in parts. But he never made a promise to Kathy or Johnny to be more. He has his mind made up about who he is and who he doesn't want to be. And he communicates that very clearly. And that is no easy feat to achieve.

In my experience only people with a clear view of the world, knowing their own shortcomings and their strengths have that. Is Benny a headstrong mf? Of course he is. Did he ever pretend to be something else? Not from what I've seen.

All his crying scenes totally got to me. But the scene on the stairs is another heartbreaker. The sobbing? 😭

The 70s looking good on him too.

I can't wait to see this again. And again.

And to get all the scenes in slow motion GIFs.

Finally going to meet Benny tonight.

Debating putting on the leather and jeans.....

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

So anyways, here’s my list that absolutely nobody asked for of the least hot to the most hot Disney prince

10. Prince Charming (Prince Henry according to Disney Wiki) (Cinderella, 1950)

He is called Prince "Charming", but there is nothing about him that's charming in the slightest. The 2007 direct-to-video sequel Cinderella III: A Twist in Time did redeem him a little by making him more humorous and interesting, but still, he isn't that hot to me.

9. The Prince (again, Prince Florian according to Disney Wiki) (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, 1937)

Yeah, this prince ends up pretty low in my list because he just wasn't interesting at all and his physical attractiveness couldn't be appreciated at all mostly due to the limitations the animators had animating him. Besides, when you take close-up look at him, he looks like he's wearing makeup, which is just a no for me, I don't care what anybody says. I like "One Song", though.

8. John Smith (Pocahontas, 1995)

I can't stress enough just how John Smith is one of my least favorite Disney men, which is partially why he is so low in my list. He is not an ugly dude by any means, objectively speaking, so I get why Pocahontas would be attracted to him on a physical level (I wish she had gone for Kocoum, tho), but Idk man, he just doesn't grab me at all.

7. Prince Adam, A.K.A. The Beast (Beauty and the Beast, 1991)

Okay, many people have joked about the Beast version of Prince Adam being hotter than his human version, and they are right but to an EXTENT only. Still, I think Adam is pretty darn good-looking, even with his ginger hair (only few guys rock ginger hair, don't @ me). Unfortunately, we have yet to see enough of his human side, which I think would be a very interesting outlook on his character. I'd love to see how he would cope with the trauma of having been cursed to be a beast and living with that for a decade (and when he was a child, A CHILD!!!!). With all that being said, Adam is kind of hot but not hot, HOT like the ones I'mma mention later.

6. Li Shang (Mulan, 1998)

Ah, yes, my guy Li Shang is one of the hottest military men we have seen in animation. Over the years, I never cared for Shang that much, and even though he is technically not in my top 5 of hottest Disney™ men, I won't deny he is very attractive and looks fantastic (and realistic, might I add) shirtless. The fact that he's a little shy with Mulan in the end of the film, in spite of him being a whole warrior, adds points to his hotness, imo! In this house, we love and respect Li Shang.

5. Prince Phillip (Sleeping Beauty, 1959)

Out of the trio of the classic Disney princes, Phillip is definitely the one that's the most interesting, attractive and charming. He might be lacking a little when compared to other latter heroes in terms of character development, but Idc, he deserves credit for being the first Disney prince that actually had a personality, was charismatic and active in the rescue of his lady, something the first two didn't do yet get an unfair amount of credit for it. I find Phillip to be quite hot and charming, which is why he ends up high in this list, something I usually don't see in others's lists of hot Disney men, and I think that's an injustice. Give my guy Phillip more credit!

4. Flynn Rider, A.K.A. Eugene Fitzherbert and Prince Horace (Tangled, 2010)

Of course Flynn had to be high because he's, well, Flynn Ryder and you can't debate that. There is no doubt that Flynn is one of the most interesting, charismatic and funniest men in Disney canon. This dude is pure gold, and he is incredibly hot and charming, which is a very nice plus. What else can I say? He's just that sexy. I believe Flynn would have been even hotter in 2D because traditional animation just has something about that that makes someone a hunk or a gorgeous woman.

3. Prince Naveen (The Princess and the Frog, 2009)

Prince Naveen might have been a typical arrogant womanizer at the beginning of the film, but let’s be real, can you really deny his incredible hotness? Naveen is a hunk, and Tiana definitely won in life by not only opening her own restaurant, but also by getting a man like him. Naveen learnt his lesson in the end and was willing to do anything for his lady in the end, which earns him extra points for hotness, imo. I love Naveen and he is definitely one of my favorite Disney men (and one of the most underrated, if I say so myself).

2. Aladdin (Aladdin, 1992)

Aladdin was and still is a hunk, no matter how many years pass by. There's something about dark hair, thick eyebrows and a nice smile in a man that's just! so! appealing! Aladdin was drawn to look like a teen heartthrob (I mean, he was inspired by Tom Cruise. Let that tell you something), and he is still swooned over after all these years (almost 30). Aladdin is one of the most attractive Disney men not only for his looks and physique, but also for him charisma, personality and bravery, which is a great plus for anybody, really. Anyone who doesn't think Aladdin is hot needs to gets their eyeballs checked. Just look at my man <3

1. Prince Eric (The Little Mermaid, 1989)

And last, but certainly not least, we got Prince Eric. Prince Eric usually ends up very high in the hot/sexy Disney male characters lists, and for a very good reason. Eric is undoubtedly the sexiest, most charming (10x more charming than actual Prince Charming ever was) and most handsome prince Disney has ever given us. When I began watching The Little Mermaid, I just developed a crush on Prince Eric because he is just so attractive. I love his smile, his captivating eyes, his black hair and thick eyebrows. Now, when it comes to character development, he is, of course, not necessarily a top 3 character, but he sure is far more interesting and charismatic than the princes that came before him. The fact that he was a dog-lover and was willing to sacrifice himself for his lady is a giant plus. Eric isn't just a hunk, he is the definition of a hunk, and y'all can't debate me on this! Eric is my favorite Disney prince and I just love him so much because he is just so nice, loving, loves sailing and is an overall selfless guy. Eric is so cute and hot at the same time <<<333

[nobodyfamousposts]

My-Crack-ulous: Aku-Maid

In which I am a horrible person...

No seriously. Don’t read this.

For @mermain123, for bringing up the cursed image that started this mess in the first place.

Mermain: i said i was suffering

Mermain: i didn't want you to make the internet suffer

Me: That sounds like the internet’s problem.

Also for @bloody-writes. You know why...   ; )

_________________________

Hawk Moth was a supervillain who had been terrorizing Paris for the better part of two years.

But no one could really argue that not all of his ideas have been good. Or well thought out. Or in any way sensible even.

Like the time he akumatized a baby.

Or the time he akumatized a girl to transform people into exact replicas of herself.

Or the fact he keeps akumatizing Mr. Ramier for going on 29 times at this point…

Or the other time he akumatized a baby…

Times that he destroyed Paris. Times that he nearly destroyed the world. Times that he gave people powers that were completely contradictory to the goals of getting the Miraculous he was after by erasing the heroes from existence or transforming them in ways that made the Miraculous inaccessible.

But none of his akumatizations had ever gotten him as much hate, caused as much misery, were were ultimately as pointless as this most recent incident.

Aku-maid.

It was known the instant she was akumatized. As soon as she was transformed, a wave of power enveloped the city. And within that wave, half of the people of Paris were transformed as well. 

…the male half.

Her power was to transform all the men of Paris. She didn’t even have a weapon or attack that did it, it just happened almost instantaneously. All men suddenly found themselves changed.

Or rather, their outfits…

“Ah!”

“What the hell—!?”

“I can’t get it off!”

One by one, every male in Paris suddenly found themselves in a much different state of attire. What had just been a normal day full of various styles and appearances had all suddenly become very…frilly.

“WHY AM I A MAID?!”

Much as implied her namesake, the akuma’s power involved transforming whatever any man was wearing into some variation of a maid outfit.

Every man.

All over Paris.

From Andre Bourgeois, who has refused to leave his office to make an official statement…

“ANDRE!” Audrey shouted, banging on the door. “Get out here this instant!”

“But, honey, I can’t be seen like this!”

To Roger Raincomprix, who has tried to continue his normal duties despite the…change of uniform…

“Stop in the name of the law!” Roger shouted, reaching into his pockets in an automatic reaction to try to get his handcuffs. While the dress he was wearing did still have pockets, the only item they procured was a cleaning rag, which was notably less threatening as the suspect in question stared for a moment before deciding to take off.

“HEY!”

And yes, even to…

“I’m a Macrophage!” Adrien gushed happily as he lifted his lengthy skirt to give a twirl.

…even to Adrien Agreste, who was apparently the only one to find anything pleasant about the current crisis.

Nino stared.

“Dude. Seriously?”

“I’ve always wanted to cosplay!”

Nino, having been long-since exposed to his friend’s deep love for anime in its many forms, at least knew what a Macrophage was. But even so, he couldn’t help but feel there was something odd about the way Adrien took to the long pale dress and cap.

Kim rested a hand on Nino’s shoulder. “Just let the guy enjoy this.”

“At least somebody is.” Nathaniel muttered bitterly as he tried to hide as behind his sketchbook. It was a futile attempt, of course, as he at most only covered his face, leaving the red dress, white apron with pockets, and knee-high boots on full display.

“I don’t understand how he can.” Max complained. He tugged at his own skirt in vain, looking at Adrien’s ankle-length ensemble enviously. The skirt was much shorter than he would have liked—reaching a couple inches above his thigh and almost seemed to be defying gravity to stay that way despite his attempts to get it to either flatten or otherwise lower. “I question the design choices.”

“But you look just like Misaki from Maid Sama! And Nathaniel looks like Lizbeth!” Adrien insisted. “It’s totally a cosplay!”

Max just stared incredulously. He was wearing a black dress with puffy sleeves that tapered off just shy of his elbow, white apron, a cap, and thigh-high black stockings and knee-high boots, it seemed Adrien did have a point.

Max, in all fairness, didn’t particularly care in favor of the problems that came with suddenly finding himself in a short dress, heels, and a corset.

“I just can’t peg where Kim or Nino’s outfits are from.” He continued, studying the outfits in question contemplatively. “But give me a little time! It’ll come to me!”

The boys had been having an afternoon hangout session in the park. No girls. No teachers. No Gabriel Agreste or bodyguards to whisk certain teen models away. It was supposed to be a normal non-drama-filled day.

…which was naturally when it became something less than normal and certainly more than drama-filled.

“I think I get why girls complain about this sort of thing now.” Kim said, looking at his shoes. “These heels are kind of uncomfortable…”

“Are you sure it’s the heels and not the flippers?” Nino asked, annoyed.

Sure enough, Kim was wearing flipper-heels. They were black and also had black ankle straps with a little bow on each. This strange footwear did seem to go with Kim’s talent in swimming, which was also emphasized by the ruffle maid swimsuit they matched with.

“Nah, it’s definitely the heels.” Kim insisted.

So this was what their all-boys’ afternoon had come to.

Kim was wobbling on unsteady heels.

Nathaniel groaned and kept his ever reddening face covered.

Max was questioning where they could procure jackets. Long jackets.

Adrien was giggling to himself and asking if they could do a full Cells at Work group cosplay.

And Nino paled, suddenly realizing something.

"Guys. Guys, we have to hide!"

"Why?" Kim asked. "It's annoying, but this akuma doesn't seem really dangerous."

"No, you don't get it!" Nino hissed. "If Alya catches us, we will NEVER live this down!"

Nathaniel looked over the edge of his sketchbook. “Alya wouldn’t actually post pictures of us to the Ladyblog, would she?”

A long pause followed.

The boys paled.

Except for Adrien, who turned to them with a gasp of excitement. “Do you think she would? We could do a group picture!”

All the other boys paled even more, looking downright ill.

And immediately took off running.

Or at least as well as they could with heels. None of them made it very far without tripping, stumbling, or simply struggling to stay upright as they still tried to move away from the area as quickly as the heels would allow.

“But what’s wrong with—?”

“JUST RUN, ADRIEN!”

“Who thought maid outfits with high heels was a good idea?! How can anyone be expected to clean in these things?

“I will never draw high heels on a super heroine again.”

“I can’t breathe! Who created corsets?! What objective does this achieve besides crushing one’s lungs?”

Nino groaned, still running. “I hope Hawk Moth is suffering as much as we are!”

_____________________

If Nino Lahiffe had the ability to break the fourth wall and peer into the events happening outside of his immediate vicinity, he would be happy to find this was actually the case.

And he would laugh.

Oh, how he would laugh.

“Sir…?”

“Don’t.” Came the dark growl from a very unhappy supervillain. “Don’t say anything, Nathalie..."

This was an akuma that impacted every male in Paris. Every male.

…even to Hawk Moth, himself.

“Why did this happen?”

It would appear that even Hawk Moth was not immune to Aku-Maid’s power as he had been similarly transformed. And unfortunately, due to the change, he could no longer access his Miraculous. The Butterfly broach had disappeared, having been transformed along with his outfit.

And his outfit had…actually left much to be desired.

Which was truthfully just a nice way of saying it was ugly.

Really, really ugly.

Normally the picture of stoicism, Nathalie had to pretend to cough to avoid reacting.

“Can’t you order the akuma to undo it?” She eventually was able to ask.

He lowered his head and closed his eyes in concentration. “No. It’s no good. I’ve lost the link!”

His eyes widened and he clutched his chest in a panic.

“Where is the Miraculous?!” Hawk Moth demanded, trying—and failing to pull at the tasteless dress. But as others across the city had already discovered, the clothes were magic and would not be removed or displaced. Not even the frock or the cap he now wore.

“Sir, you were transformed when you changed. It looks like the Butterfly Miraculous was transformed along with you.”

He froze, eyes widening in horror. “But that’s—”

He grasped at the empty place on his chest. Where once had been his lapel and pin now only had ruffles and a leathery texture. His mask remained in place, though it was now fully black except for the openings around his eyes and mouth, which were bordered with a lighter grey color. The material and outfit overall had a shine to it that could be found on any wetsuit.

To put it nicely: he looked atrocious.

To put it bluntly: he looked like some sort of BDSM role-player with a maid kink.

So it was fortunate, perhaps, that no one else in Paris would have to be subject to the sight.

Except Nathalie. Who was probably going to have nightmares.

Or a coronary from the laughter she was trying to hold back.

It was admittedly a bit hard to tell.

But it seemed she was handling the situation a bit better than Hawk Moth, despite the fact that the man was currently unable to see himself or the full extent of the monstrosity he now wore.

…this was probably for the best. Given the man’s fashion sense, there was really no telling whether he would be horrified or inspired, and nobody would want to find out.

“I can’t contact the akuma! And I can’t call it back!”

He moaned, covering his…already covered face with his hands. “I’ll never be taken seriously again!”

Nathalie resolutely held back from pointing out he was barely being taken seriously now.

“It’s��not that bad?” She tried. Not very well, but she tried.

Hawk Moth clutched his head in horror. “Unless Ladybug and Chat Noir can stop this akuma, we’re doomed!”

“Sir, it’s just an akuma that puts men in maid outfits. It’s really not that bad.”

“DOOOOOOMED!!!”

__________________________

The akuma, for her part, was unaware of her benefactor’s misery, too busy enjoying the abject misery of everyone else around her.

Nobody knew just what had set the girl off to get her akumatized in the first place. Her comments about men being “the eye-candy now” suggested an argument. The maid outfits involved suggested what the topic of the argument had been regarding.

To be honest, nobody had actually realized she was the akuma responsible. She did appear fairly normal by akuma terms, dressed in a seemingly authentic Victorian era dress more befitting as an authentic Lady’s Maid compared the frillier, lacier varieties that the men around her had suddenly found themselves in. What would normally have gotten her a few odds looks was mostly ignored in the face of the sudden change. Few even took notice of her dark purple skin or black hair. Or the fan in her hand.

“THAT’S RIGHT! SEE HOW YOU LIKE BEING OBJECTIFIED!”

The yelling…was a bit harder to miss.

It was the first thing that drew the attention of the three girls settled at the cafe.

The second thing was the various cries of horror as several of the men around them suddenly discovered their state of dress transformed into…well…dresses. Of a variety that made the little cafe appear more like a maid cafe than anything.

The third thing was the appearance of a familiar face running down the road, holding up his long white dress to make running easier as he looked for a place to hide.

Marinette stared.

“ADRIEN?!”

Adrien Agreste was running around in a long white and pale cream Victorian-era dress and cap, looking like Cinderella running from the ball. Except a maid.

A quick glance to her companions showed that both Alya and Kagami were similarly staring in befuddlement, so this was neither her imagination or a fever dream.

“Adrien? What’s going on?” Alya asked for everyone.

“It’s an akuma!” He replied, quickly. “She’s putting everybody into cosplay!”

“…cosplay?”

“Yeah!”

“…everybody?”

He paused, glancing around. “Well…all the guys, I think?”

Marinette stared.

“…Just that?” Alya asked, thankfully taking over while Marinette’s brain started to become aware that this WAS Adrien she was talking to. “She’s not doing anything else besides putting guys into…‘cosplays’?”

He blinked in confusion. “I…think so?”

“She isn’t…I don’t know…commanding you or anything?”

“Well, she hasn’t yet. Which, really, isn’t so bad for an akuma if you think about it.” He said with a frown before he noticed the strange look on Kagami’s face. “Kagami, are you okay?”

Kagami made a strangled sound.

“Marinette?”

Marinette pretended to choke on a drink from an empty glass to avoid speaking.

“Can I add to your order?” The waiter came by, seeming unconcerned by the ruckus or the act that he was now wearing a rather cutesy maid outfit the likes of which would be seen in a maid cafe in Japan.

“You don’t seem put off by this.” Alya pointed out, noting his relatively unfazed attitude compared to the panicking of the other men around them…or the gushing from Adrien.

The waiter took it in stride.

“It’s okay.” He replied blankly. “I’m already dead inside.”

“Oh.”

He turned to Kagami. “Do you need anything else, Miss?”

Kagami was still staring at Adrien, blushing furiously.

“I think I have a problem.”

“You mean a kink?”

“A. Problem.” She spoke through gritted teeth.

“Story of my life.” The waiter replied as he refilled her glass of water, either unaware or uncaring of the specific nature of her trouble.

Alya gasped in sudden realization. “Wait! If this is happening here then…” She turned to Adrien. “Where were Nino and the boys?” He blinked, curious. “Oh, they decided to head home. Why?”

An almost sinister smirk formed on Alya’s face. One that would have anyone it was directed at cowering in fear. And strong enough to be felt from several blocks away.

Unbeknownst to them, Nino felt that smirk like a trail of cold fingers down his back, and promptly threw himself into his room and slammed the door shut behind him.

As if she sensed this, Alya slammed several bills on the table and dashed out the door.

“GOTTA GO!”

Realizing an akuma was about, Marinette was right on her heels. She found a nearby alleyway and immediately prepared to transform and face this latest threat.

“Oh my god. OH MY GOD.” She broke down, letting out the laughter she’d been trying so hard to hold in. “He’s a dork! The boy I’m crushing on is a complete DORK who is in to cosplaying! He thinks maid outfits are COSPLAY!”

…or she would be.

“And here I’ve been driving myself nuts with anxiety over just asking him out and he doesn’t even—”

Any minute now…

“Marinette!” Tikki hissed. “You need to stop the akuma!”

“Can’t I just take a picture first?”

“MARINETTE!”

“Oh fine…”

_____________________

Luka didn’t realize anything had happened. He felt a bit off balanced for a moment, and a bit colder, but attributed that to being on the Liberty. So he simply shifted his stance to be a bit more steady and continued playing. It wasn’t until the drum stopped that he realized something was actually wrong.

The look of shock from Mylene and the following shriek from Ivan cemented it.

He spun around, not sure what could have elicited such a cry from his fellow bandmate. And at first, he couldn’t really tell what had happened. Ivan was crouched behind the drum set, covering his face with his hands and trembling in what appeared to be mortification.

Then he noticed the mobcap on Ivan’s head, which he was pretty sure hadn’t been there before. And Ivan’s shirt seemed distinctly…fluffier and frillier than he remembered seeing a few minutes ago. He tried to move closer to offer help, only for his own balance to be off. And when he looked down…

Oh.

The dress was new.

As were the stockings.

And the notably thinner and sleeker heels on his boots.

He hummed to himself, considering the change.

“Akuma?” Juleka asked him.

“Most likely.” He replied.

Mylene had rushed up to their practice stage and to Ivan’s side, even as he moaned for her to not look at him. The poor guy was completely red in embarrassment. Seeing how upset he was, the other three had backed away, leaving Mylene to try to help her boyfriend.

“Luka, are you okay?” Rose asked worriedly, trying to respect Ivan’s need for space while also checking in on their other effected bandmate.

“I’m fine. It was just a surprise at first.” He replied.

It wasn’t every day that you suddenly found yourself in a maid outfit, after all. It was a simple outfit. White off the shoulder puffy sleeves with black frills. A black tube skirt. White apron. And…he reached to his neck where a weight was, feeling a choker.

Huh…

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

Honestly, he could be in worse.

Rose seemed surprised at that. “Really? Even with those shoes?”

He looked down at the shoes in question. The boots were his style—surprisingly, given it was an akuma. The higher heels were definitely different from his norm, and clearly what Rose was referring to. In any other circumstances, she would be right.

But...

Luka smiled, shifting his stance and resting a hand on his hip. “Well, someone had to teach Jules to walk in heels. And I couldn’t show her if I didn’t know how myself.

Juleka huffed. “Don’t say that like you didn’t enjoy playing dress up.”

Luka merely curtsied, not only showing off more of his slightly ripped and punk-looking fishnet stockings, but almost proudly displaying his ability to move fluently in heels.

Rose appropriately “oo-ed” and “aah-ed” at his display. Juleka merely shook her head and smiled. Ivan was still recovering from his panic attack and had resolutely refused to come out from behind the drums, despite Mylene’s reassurances.

“So it has to be an akuma, right?” Rose asked.

“If it is, I want a picture or two, at least.” Juleka muttered as she admired Luka’s outfit, mumbling about commissioning Marinette to recreate it in her size. She hadn’t known maids could come in this style.

Mylene nodded from her place at Ivan’s side. “Though it seems rather fortunate if this is all the akuma is doing.”

“We don’t know if that is it, though.” Luka warned. “For all we know, there could be some other ability she has if she catches us. It would probably be safer if we hid out inside until this is over.”

The others agreed. And Anarka, bless her soul, actually came up with a large blanket for Ivan to wrap himself in to preserve his dignity. Then she and Mylene helped the taller teen to safely relocate to inside. Much like Luka, Ivan’s shoes had changed, but he was substantially less able to maneuver in them. And no amount of effort or force on his part could seem to separate the heels from his feet.

Once he and the others were inside, Luka moved to follow. He hesitated, however, at the sound of something landing behind him.

“Viperion? We’ll need your help.”

He turned to see Ladybug standing tall. And was that perhaps a hint of blush on her face?

Oh. 

A shame.

It looked like Juleka wouldn’t be getting her pictures, after all...

_____________________

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

He shuddered, backing away from the door as far as possible.

“Ninoooooo…”

It was a fight for survival.

“C’mon, Nino. Just open the door.”

The survival of his dignity, but still!

He’d lost track of the others and immediately rushed home and to the safety of his room. His room, which he could lock and hide away in until this all blew over.

“I have a key!” Came Chris’s voice. “Somewhere…”

“Give it and I won’t take any pictures of you.”

“Deal!”

His room, which his traitorous little brother was willing to allow the enemy entry into.

Under any normal circumstances, he wouldn’t be this desperate. But if Alya caught him like this…

Black dress. Puffy at the shoulder, sleeves that extended to his wrists and were bound by white cuffs. A white smock tied back with a white ribbon. White bow at the neck and white frills along the bottom of the dress?

Oh yeah…Alya would never let this go…

He knew he shouldn’t have gotten into all those anime Adrien pushed him into! So what if the maids were cute? And sure, he’d admit he's had a thought or two of Alya in such attire...

But how was he supposed to know Alya had such thoughts as well? And in the complete opposite direction! Clearly this was the akuma’s magic punishing him!

Nino looked to his window.

It would be a long fall, but it was his only escape.

But would the broken legs be worth it when Alya would soon figure out what he did and be able to catch up to him easily?

Maybe he could try to climb up instead…but in these heels? It was suicide!

“Fufufu!”

…screw it. 

He opened up his window, only to meet a new pair of eyes.

Ladybug stared in surprise from her place at his windowsill, a certain box in hand.

“…hi?”

“Oh thank god!” He exclaimed. He took her by her shoulders, half leaning out and half pulling her in. “Alya’s insisting on taking pictures! Please tell me you have my Miraculous with you!”

“Actually, about that—”

“I don’t care! I’ll do anything! Just please—SAVE ME!”

Ladybug looked back behind her to a distant rooftop and the other allies she’d left behind.

The sound of a key jingling could be heard and Nino stared up at her, pleadingly.

Well, she could never resist the eyes…

By the time they’d gotten the door open, the room was empty.

Nino was gone.

_____________________

Six heroes stood assembled.

Ladybug.

Chat Noir.

Carapace.

Viperion.

King Monkey.

Pegasus.

Six heroes.

Five of whom were male.

And…still wearing some semblance of feminine maid-like outfits.

Ladybug wasn’t sure if she should be impressed or worried.

“What the hell?! I thought the Miraculous were supposed to change us into our hero suits?” Nino groused.

Contrary to his hopes and expectations, using the Miraculous had not transformed him into his normal Carapace look, but had rather simply given him a different outfit. The dress itself was green and had a turtle shell pattern, while the apron and waist belts were a brown color. The bowknot around his neck was a dark green and a brown to match the apron. He wore stockings. And to his very limited relief, his shoes were flats instead of heels.

“Well, at least this skirt is longer.” Pegasus said, now wearing a dark brown blouse and bicycle skirt. The skirt went to just above his ankles, for which he was grateful. But this seemed to be countered by the increase of height to his heels.

Plus no corset. The outfit was still fit tightly and not very comfortable, but at least he could breathe now.

“Though I believe we’re getting away from maid-wear now.” Chat said, conversationally.

Pegasus gave him a flat look. “I’m not complaining.”

If Chat had witnessed his earlier ensemble, surely he would understand.

King Monkey, for his part, seemed somewhat appeased with his Miraculous suit. It was a notably more Eastern style of dress, appearing more like robes worn by palace servants. He wore a light brown waistcoat with wide sleeves over a blouse and a wrap-around skirt. It looked heavy, but Kim seemed to have no trouble with it. Maybe it was made of a lighter material…?

And Viperion’s dress was different in style as well. Whereas his maid outfit as Luka had been more punk, this was more sleek. Wearing a green sleeveless dress and white smock, as well as what appeared to be a green corset. The dress had a slit at the sides, giving more maneuverability for his legs…as well as more show, given the appearance of a garter belt and stockings. His shoes were high heeled but including a beautiful snake design that wrapped around his ankles. To finish it off, rather than remain bare, his arms were covered in what appeared to be loose green sleeves that started at his elbows and extended to his wrists.

…maybe a picture or two wouldn’t hurt? Or three? Because the amount of details on these outfits were amazing and she was just brimming with ideas now…

Ladybug broke out of her musings when someone tugged on her shoulder to get her attention.

It was Chat. Chat who, much like the other heroes, as dressed in a fantastical outfit. Though a maid outfit, it was definitely more cat-themed with a giant paw-like gloves covering his hands, a paw print on his apron, and bow and bell on his tail which rang as he shifted.

What material was that made of, anyway? She kind of wanted to give it a feel and see if she could find something to compare it to. Maybe a quick sketch?

Oh. Right.

Akuma.

Maybe if she was lucky, they could finish this quickly so she could rush back home and take notes while she still had the ideas bouncing in her brain.

…maybe someone would have gotten pictures by then…?

“Ladybug?” Chat whispered, snapping her back to reality.

“Yes?”

Chat frowned in concern. “Is the Guardian okay with this?”

Ladybug froze.

“PSST! Ladybug!” Came a voice from a nearby rooftop, drawing her attention.

“Master Fu?”

“Ladybug! Here’s the Miracle Box. Take as many allies as you can and resolve this as soon as possible!”

“Master? Are…you hiding in a box?”

“No questions! Just go!”

“…he’s fine.”

Chat seemed uncertain, but decided not to pry.

“Let’s just split up and find the akuma.” Ladybug said. “But don’t engage until we’re all together!”

With that, the six split into three groups, with Chat and Carapace going one way and King Monkey and Pegasus going another, leaving Ladybug and Viperion searching together with the former trying not to get caught stealing peeks at the latter.

“Is something wrong?” He asked with a smile.

…trying. The key word was trying not to get caught.

“No! Nothing!” She replied quickly. “I’m just…surprised that you can still move so quickly in those heels.”

“I’ve had practice.” He explained, still smiling. He even lifted one leg behind him, managing to stand perfectly balanced even on one leg in heels.

“I…see.”

Part of her wanted very much to laugh. It was the same part that had found this entire day ridiculous. The other part of her was her inner artist at work and really wanted to make a few sketches inspired from the presented outfits. Like Viperion’s sleeves…and those shoes with a snake coil wrapping around the ankle…

“Ladybug!”

Gaah! Focus!

She turned towards the shout to find King Monkey and Pegasus stumbling towards her.

Her fingers twitched. She ignored it.

“We found the akuma.” King Monkey reported. “She doesn’t seem to be doing anything. Just…kind or roaming around.”

“And laughing.” Pegasus added bitterly. “She appears to be doing a lot of that.”

“How’s THAT for ‘doll them up’?” Came a shout from street level. “HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, HUH?!”

As if on cue…

Ladybug and the others peeked over the edge of the roof.

“Has she displayed any other powers?” She asked.

“No.” Pegasus replied. “From what we could see, her power has already been activated to…obvious effect.” He hesitated, resolutely avoiding mentioning his new outfit or the indignity he’d already suffered. “She has only been laughing. And tripping the occasional person while searching for someone in particular—possibly the one responsible for her ire.”

Ladybug nodded. “At least she’s distracted and doesn’t know we’re here. We just need a plan of attack before we try to fight her.”

“No problem!” King Monkey said with a grin as he reached for his weapon. “We can just do a head on attack with our weapons and—”

They stared.

In place of his staff was a broom. A normal cleaning broom.

They sent cautious glances to each other before they checked their own inventory.

Said inventory consisted of a broom, a bucket, and a feather duster.

“I believe that constitutes as a problem.” Pegasus stated worriedly.

“That’s no fair!” King Monkey exclaimed. “Adrien was able to summon a machete!”

Ladybug blanched at that. “A what?!”

Pegasus pushed up his glasses. “I believe it’s a component of his…‘cosplay’?”

“Pfft!” Ladybug covered her mouth with her hand.

“Ladybug?”

“I-it’s nothing!” She replied hurriedly.

Viperion raised his eyebrow at her but didn’t comment.

King Monkey at least seemed to take it in stride.

“Now we just need a plan for attack!”

“With what?!” Pegasus questioned, waving the feather duster in frustration. “Our weapons don’t work!”

“More like our weapons aren’t actually weapons.” Viperion said, considering his bucket.

“I could smack her.” King Monkey offered, holding up his broom. “Maybe your feather duster has dust on it and could make her sneeze?”

Pegasus gave him a flat look.

“I think the broom is the best weapon we have right now.”

“Don’t knock a bucket!” King Monkey commanded, resolutely. “I got one stick on my head one time and it took hours to get it off! Buckets are evil, man!”

Pegasus sighed and rubbed his head. “It concerns me that you’re the second person I know whom that has happened to.”

Ladybug coughed, discretely trying to draw attention off that particular subject lest identities be at risk. “Anyway, I think I have a plan...”

______________________

To be honest, it wasn’t that difficult of an akuma. Especially not with six of them teaming up against it.

Akumaid truly see to have no ability other than the initial one of transforming what any male in Paris was wearing into something embarrassing...unless you were Adrien, apparently. Aside from that, she showed no other power—neither over the clothes themselves or the people wearing them. Well, she wasn’t controlling any of the victims or shrinking the clothing to choke them at any rate...which if you think about it, was rather lame for an akuma in the power department.

The only real disadvantage in battle came in the difficulty the boys had moving freely in their current outfits. And the afore noted lack of proper weaponry.

Their advantage of surprising was ruined by Chat’s bell ringing before they could ambush her, and both Carapace and Pegasus losing balance with their heels and falling over. King Monkey’s outfit, while longer, also meant more fabric to flap about and resist his movements regardless of how light it may have been, so he wasn’t able to get a hit in fast enough before the akuma turned on him and knocked him away.

Chat was able to get a hit in though.

With his…Kitty Wand…

“THIS IS MAGICAL PUNISHMENT!” He shouted as he smacked the akuma over the head.

“Chat. Chat no. Chat why?”

And Ladybug had hopelessly lost her composure by this point and was laughing. Just laughing. Laughing so hard she was crying actual tears as she smacked her own thigh in her struggle to breathe. Viperion was trying to help her stay standing, keeping an arm around her to support her as she half leaned and half chuckled tears into his chest.

“What’s going on? Does the akuma have some power over Ladybug, too?” King Monkey asked.

…

Viperion sighed.

“Sure. Something to that effect.”

Ladybug wheezed.

“LADYBUG!”

“Lu-haha-lucky haha-charm!”

It said something when her own Lucky Charm magicked up a paper bag. With Ladybug still victim to her fit of giggles, Viperion simply put the bag over her face and had her try to breathe.

“A paper bag doesn’t help with out of control laughing.” Pegasus noted as he forced himself to his feet.

“Do you want to try to figure out the Lucky Charm?” Viperion bit out in annoyance, Ladybug still shaking in his arms.

Pegasus coughed and backed away. “No, thank you.”

Ladybug let out another giggle.

“All right, enough! I’ll stop her!” Carapace shouted, reaching for his back. “With my…serving plate.”

His shield.

His precious shield was gone.

“…Carapace?” Ladybug asked.

The newly rendered Turtle Maid sighed and simply threw the plate as he had his shield, not expecting much.

…the plate slice flew through the air at a surprising speed, but missed the akuma entirely. Instead, it sailed past her, hitting a light post.

Ladybug had expected it to bounce, but instead there was a sound of shredding metal as the serving plate actually tore through the lamp post and into the concrete itself.

The lamp post, now detached, tilted and fell over—conveniently on top of the akuma before she had the time to realize what was happening and move out of the way.

SLAM!

It fell on top of her and she hit the ground.

“Huzzah?” Kim asked.

“Well…that’s one way to defeat an akuma.” Pegasus marveled.

“Great. Now can we fix this already?” Carapace asked impatiently. If they took too much longer, someone was bound to catch them.

That someone would probably be Alya.

And that was the last thing he wanted at this point.

“But I kind of wanted to make a sketch at least…” Ladybug muttered to herself, holding the paper bag Charm to her chest.

“LADYBUG!”

She waved her hands insistently. “I’m on it!”

But she could dream…

“MIRACULOUS LADYBUG!”

It was with some disappointment that the Miraculous Cure wiped away the outfits of the other heroes, returning them to their original costumes.

“OH THANK GOD!”

“That was…horrible…”

“Corsets were invented as a torture method, I swear…”

“Shieldy!” Carapace exclaimed, hugging the shield in relief. “Never leave me again!”

“You okay now, Ladybug?” Chat asked her in worry.

“I’m fine.” She said, even though she wasn’t really. She felt like she’d missed a chance, even if it was for the greater good. But it would have been an abuse of her power to be taking pictures of the guys in that state and she already felt bad enough for breaking down laughing in the middle of the fight.

In that moment, however, the loveliness of ladybugs that made up the Cure returned from their task of restoring Paris to flow over Ladybug herself before vanishing, leaving her holding an envelope in their wake. Curious, she opened the envelope…

She gasped.

Inside were a multitude of photos of the other heroes. From different angles. In different positions. All of them in their new outfits.

Ladybug bit the inside of her cheek to keep from responding and drawing attention to herself.

…Thank you, Tikki.

Best. Kwami. Ever. “Ladybug…” Carapace said in growing wariness. “What is that?”

“Nothing!”

“Ladybug. That better not be what I think it is…”

She shoved the photos back in the envelope.

“It’s nothing at all!”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

Noticing the stand off, the others approached as well.

“It was just something I was missing, yeah.”

“Then let us see it.”

“Can’t.” She replied, clutching the envelope to her chest. “It’s…Ladybug stuff.”

“Hand it over. Right now!”

"NOOO! THESE ARE FOR THE FUTURE OF FASHIOOOON!”

“GIVE US THE PHOTOS!”

“Wait—did she get any of all of us in a group cosplay pic?”

“NOT NOW, CHAT!”

Unfortunately, that small distraction was all she needed to get away.

Viperion, the only one having been pretty nonchalant this whole time, simply watched her leave and the others shout after her.

“…isn’t she going to take our Miraculous back?”

_________________________

Angela sighed, already dreading what was to come.

It was a humiliating end to an already humiliating week as the former akuma victim had been forced to return to her job to go over the updates for the new Ladybug game with the rest of her team.

Said updates were apparently to include maid outfits for the female heroes thanks to one particular coworker who had decided to work on maid outfits for the female heroes instead of the level he was assigned. It had been part of the reason she had been angry enough to be akumatized.

The fact that he was insistent on shoving his maid fetish into the game for no good reason other than having them be eye candy was the other part.

The images in question that he insisted on bringing featured the three female super heroes of the city: Ladybug, Rena Rouge, and Queen Bee.

But not as anyone had ever seen them.

Instead of their usual hero suits, the three girls were portrayed in sultry, even provocative poses. And most notably, all three were wearing some mockery of a French Maid outfit…as what would be believed by Americans, no less.

They might as well have been the initial sketches of pinup posters.

“You can’t still be serious!”

“Hey, I’m not the one who got akumatized just because I was jealous that someone else had a good idea.” He said bitingly and giving her a pointed look, perhaps still a bit bitter of the aforementioned experience that her akumatization had caused.

“It’s not a good idea, John.” Angela countered. “There was no reason to have the girls be running in maid outfits.”

He shrugged. “We could just say an akuma did it. After all, we did just get an akuma who did exactly that.” He said, giving her another look.

She clenched her fists and was about to retort when their team lead entered the room.

The meeting commenced and she’d been forced to bite her tongue. Each of the team members went over their progress and updates for their contribution to the game. Level design. Enemies. Testing.

And then came his grand achievement. Instead of the level he was assigned, he gave scantily clad designs for three of the eight known heroes.

What effort.

“I was thinking we really need to include something to make our game stand out, so I made some extra skins for the heroes.” He bragged, sending her a smug look. “The appeal would sell plenty of copies.”

“Or the controversy.” Angela muttered back before turning to the team lead and hoping that the man leading their group had more empathy…or sense.

The team lead looked over the designs with an analyzing gaze. Tiffeny, despite the initial impression his name would give, was a rather buff man who took no shit. But was also a guy. Who liked guy things. But did those things include young women in maid costumes?

After a moment, Tiffeny dropped the pictures on the table and looked at John incredulously. “You know, if you were going to base skins off recent events, you could at least have been authentic.”

John stared. “What?”

“It was the guys who were affected by Akumaid. Not the girls. If we’re going to do maids, we need to keep it true to life, just like the rest of the designs we’ve included. We talked about this when we started this project.”

“But it’s what the audience wants!” John argued.

“Do you know who comprises the majority of our audience?” Tiffeny asked. “Girls. Girls, gay guys, and those who are exploring their interests. Guys in the outfits would sell leagues more than the girls.” He started ticking his fingers “It’s different. It’s original. And it’s based in actual events. People would love it.”

“But…they’ll love this!”

“Man, if people wanted to see sexy girls in skimpy clothing, they’d play literally any other game! Or watch porn.” Tiffeny explained. “But what game do you know of has had guys in maid outfits?”

“Well...”

“Exactly. We want to stand out. And we even have recent events as justification. So if you’re going to be wasting time you should be spending on level-making to put people in maid skins, then get those male heroes some maid costumes.”

“But that’s not fair!” John exclaimed.

Tiffeny paused at that. “Hmm…you’re right.”

With that, he turned to her. “You’re good at designing. Make some butler outfits for the girls. Something dashing to serve as a counter for the guys.”

Angela blinked in surprise for a moment before smiling.

“Sure thing!”

“You know…” one of the other workers noted. “While we’re on the subject, I WAS thinking of some medieval armor designs for the girls and princess dresses for the guys.”

“Hey yeah! Like a light green for Viperion!”

“Maybe teal might be better?”

“Ooo! How about…”

Soon enough, everyone seemed to be invested in the new plan.

Everyone that is, except John.

“Lovely!” Tiffeny said cheerfully. “Plan it out and bring the concepts to me later.”

With a new task in hand and John’s pouting to forever be a memory to hold onto, it seemed her day was looking up…

_________________________

“That was some akuma battle.” Marinette said as she slid into her seat next to Alya.

The reporter, however, only looked annoyed. “Ladybug had apparently called all the male heroes and I completely missed it!” She groaned and leaned back in her seat, bemoaning the lost opportunity.

If she’d hadn’t been so focused on tracking Nino for the purpose of collecting blackmail ensuring his safety, she would have been able to catch all of the male heroes in their maid outfits.

Marinette smiled. “You know…I may have a connection…”

Alya gasped.

“No.”

Marinette giggled and slid over her phone with a picture showing.

“NO WAY!” She cried out before staring up at Marinette in shock. “Girl, you have to send me these!”

“Wait—you have what now?” Nino had arrived, initially hopeful that he had avoided the worst of that day only to have those hopes immediately dashed upon arriving to see the two girls sharing what could only have been one thing…

“I have pictures of the heroes in their new outfits.” Marinette replied cheerfully as she swiped through her phone. “Oh look, Nino! You’re in here, too!”

“WHAT?! NO!” He shouted, rushing forward.

Marinette quickly grabbed back her phone and hid it in her pocket with an overly sweet and not at all innocent grin.

“Mari, come on, no! Don’t do this to me!” He begged.

“Don’t do this to ME!” Alya cut in. “You can’t just show me that and take it away! That’s just not fair!”

“Don’t worry.” Marinette assured them. “It’s going where all my blackmail material goes.”

“Wait what?”

“Since when do you have blackmail material?”

“Since somebody started a game of ‘let’s take pictures of Marinette while she’s asleep and post them online’.” Marinette replied dryly.

Nino groaned. “Come on! I said I was sorry!”

“And now I can be just as sorry.” She replied blithely.

Which was to say: not sorry at all.

“Come on! Alya made me do it!”

“It was just in fun! Marinette! Please!”

“Do you want me to beg? Cry? I’ll cry.”

“I’ll pay you! Pretty please! At least the heroes if nothing else!”

“Oh no you don’t!”

“My blog NEEDS this!”

Marinette smiled at the minor chaos she had caused as the normally happy couple bickered with each other.

Sweet sweet music.

“Hey, Marinette!”

And speaking of sweet…

She turned to look up at a certain blond-haired model as he arrived at his own desk. Though he seemed to be a bit distracted by the arguing couple.

“Hey, Adrien!” She greeted, for once with no stutter to speak of.

“Hey, um…are they okay?” He asked, gesturing to the two.

“Oh, they’re fine.” She said, waving them off. “Just…a bit excited over the recent akuma.”

At that, Adrien brightened. “Wasn’t it awesome?”

She nodded, trying to keep her laughter inside.

“You…ah…enjoyed yourself then?”

Adrien shrugged, looking a bit sheepish. “Well, it’s not often I get to dress up in a way that’s ‘silly’. Or in anything that isn’t promoting Father’s brand. And I’ve never gotten to cosplay. So it was…really fun.”

Oh. Ouch. Okay, that one kind of hurt. The poor Sunshine Child…

“You know…” Marinette said, leaning over her desk and smiling at him. “I’ve seen a bit of that one anime you mentioned.”

“Cells at Work?” He asked, brightening up.

She nodded. “Mmhmm. I could make you a jacket based off the lead Red Blood Cell. And if you like, I can keep it so you can wear it whenever we hang out.”

He gasped. “Really?”

“Sure! Maybe you can come over sometime so we can try a fitting. We could even play Mecha Strike.”

Adrien beamed. “That sounds great! Thanks, Marinette!”

She waved him off and went back to full sitting in her seat.

Alya and Nino both became distracted from their arguing by the miracle they had just witnessed.

Marinette Dupain-Cheng had just spoken to Adrien Agreste…and not a stutter to be heard!

“What the heck, girl?” Alya whispered, sliding into her seat beside her friend. “Since when could you do THAT and why haven’t you done it sooner? I could swear I saw hearts in his eyes!”

Marinette shrugged, grinning sheepishly. “After seeing Adrien Agreste in a maid dress, I kind of wondered why I was so scared of talking to him to begin with.”

Alya laughed. “Well, at least something good came out of this, then.”

“You know...more good WOULD come out of this if I had pics of those heroes..." 

“Really, Alya?”

“You’re pretty much the only one who managed to get any shots of the male heroes!” Alya exclaimed. “Seriously, how?!”

Marinette giggled.

“Just lucky, I guess.”

________________________

OMAKE 1:

Knock! Knock!

“Felix?” His mother called on the other side of the locked and barricaded door. “Will you be coming out?”

“That depends. Do you have a camera?”

A pause. Which was all the answer he needed.

“Then no.”

OMAKE 2:

Fortunately, in the midst of their searching, the team had managed to find the akuma and her primary target, getting between the two.

“So what happened?” Ladybug asked him.

John gripped his skirt, nervously. “She’s my coworker in developing a new video game and she didn’t like my input.”

“What set her off?”

The guy rolled his eyes. “She’s one of those types who wants to take the fun out of video games.”

“What?” Ladybug blinked.

“Okay, so I wanted to put some maid costumes in the game! It was just for fun! Besides, it would have added a bit of pizazz! Something for the players to enjoy!”

“You could just try making a good game.” Pegasus pointed out. “If you have to rely on a cheap gimmick to get buyers, it may not be a good product.”

"I'm sorry, really! I mean, sure, I'm still going to put it in the game, because who wouldn't want hot maids, but still! That doesn't mean I deserve this!"

The akuma raised her fist and shouted at him. “THEY ARE HEROES, DAMMIT! THEY DESERVE BETTER THAN MAID SKINS JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE GIRLS!”

Ladybug blanched. “Wait…is the game about me?”

Pegasus coughed and looked away. “There have been…rumors, yes.”

Viperion tilted his head. “That seems like a double standard though…since we’re the ones in maid outfits...”

“Not the point, Viperion!”

Ladybug frowned.

“I don’t think I want to help now.”

“Ladybug!”