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thewakeless · 5 years ago

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Pregnancy Fic

Explicit crack fic with double mpreg for the lolz

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20208106

Yehaww,” dan screeached as he rode his favorite daddy, his hands in the air like a rolller coaster man. Under his beautiful hairless body phil was sweating and groaning like a man. “Yes, danny, come at me, you look so good baby angel!” Dan thrust his hips, and with this thrust came hard all over Phil’s stomach and chest, tears coming out of his eyes. “Aaaaaah!” Phil came at the exact same time, pulling at dan’s hair with the incredible passion of a fertile 32 year old man.

“Your all sticky baby,” said Dan while he swirled his fingers on his own cum which was all over phil’s pale body.

“Viscus.”

Dan popped his boyfriends thick fat dick out from inside of him and lay down by his side kissing and licking at his neck. “You smell so good.”

“I feel so good, cause of you,” said Phil squeezing Dan.

They fell asleep, and dreamt of sex.

In the morning Dan ffound himself thirsty again and began sucking at Phil’s cock and testicles, licking his toungue over them until the older boy came and woke up. Then they had cerela in the kitchen, and some more sex on the couch. Dan was full of hot cum inside of him. They didn’t need to use a condom, after all, boys can’t get preggers.

In the evening they ate chinesse food, worshipped the devil and played mario kart. Then they had more sex, on a kitchen stool. After all this hot sexy sex they went and took showers together, Dan got on his knees again, he loves sucking the good cock. That night they slept like angels, dreaming of angel sex.

It was the next day that the PROBLEM. Phil woke up very early, he wanted the sex but Dan was still asleep and he wasn’t a ffucking rapist. So he went to the bathroom to jerk off, and he was jerking off, looking at himself in the mirror all attractive and pale. He was looking at his dick, when he noticed that somethng was different. He moved towards the mirror, his hand on his dick, there was a bit of a bump on his tummy. The tummy that dan kept spilling all his sweet cum into. Phil felt himself grow paler than pale, he was white as cum.

He felt the lump on his stomach, it was hard, not as hard as his dick, or the wall, but still very hard. Maybe he was getting abs? Hot, I thought as i stroked my dick and came hard over my reflection. After he finished he went back to bed, where Dan was on all fours fingers himself. “Daddy,” he croacked. “Daddy, i need your hot love rod.”

Phil went into the bed and oblidged spilling all his cum inside of him again. After that they took a little nap and then they ate cereal.

A week later PJ was hosting a sexy halloween party in June. Dan went as a bondange unicorn, Phil dressed up like a lumberjack. They had very good sex in the bathroom, and when they came out all their friens teased them.

“Dan you can’t keep off him for one minute!” said PJ laughing and throwing a chip at them.

“That’s not true,” said Dan blushing. His body was almsot naked, it was a very good body, but he was shy and kept folding his arm over his revealed chest. Phil was very hungry. He ate pasta, and chips, and drank some coke. He didn’t even have any alcohol! But then his tummy hurt and he went to the bathroom and threw up. But then Dan came back into the bathroom and they fucked again. Dan’s ass began to hurt.. They went home and had cereal.

The next morning Phil was very sick, and so they had none of the sex. Dan was sad. “He said do you think there’s soemthing wwrong? Maybe we should take you to the doctor.” It had never been four hours before Phil had gotten an erection before.

Phil said that he didn’t want it. What he wanted was more cereal. He ate it, but then he was sick all over his shirt. He went to the bathroom and took a shower, no shower sex, he was very sad. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, and then he frowned. There was something very very wrong! His dick looked the same, but his stomach didn’t. It was swollen, bloated, it was weird. He ran his hand over the bump, it was hard, but it didn’t look like abs.

“Maybe I should go to the doctor,’ he said, tear in his eyes.

Two sexless days later they went to the doctors together, not holding hands, because of the crazy phandom stalkers who always wanted pictures of them fucking in teh bushes, which tehy only did on dan’s birthday because of his exhibitionist kink, and also the fact he liked the smell of bushes and was not alargic to them. At the doctor they took Phil’s blood, but not like a vampire, and then they checked him heart and had him pee in a cup, dan helped by holding his pretty dick.

He said:

“The results will be back in five days, you rest lad.”

Phil rested, and had cereal. They were so so worried. Dan even called Kath, and told her how sick Phil was. It had been 46 hours since they had had had sex. It was very bad.

In the morning of another day which was very sunny and hot, Phil woke up too hot and stripped naked. Dan wanted his cock and started stroking his sweaty thigh, but then he stopped and looked over at his beautiful boyfrined. “Phillie,” he said, a frown on his forehead. “Phillie omg.”

“What is it?” said Phil looking down at his cock.

“It’s-it’s-” Dan moved his hand up, not to Phil’s big cock but to his stomach which was even more swollen, so swallen, like a ballon. “Baby, i think…. I think…..” his eyes glazed over. “I think I’m gonna be the DADDY now!”

Phil stared at the lump and then looked at Dan’s face and his big warm deep honey colored eyes with their long eye lashes and glimmer of lovey love. “Daddy? You don’t mean,” his heart stopped. How could this happen? He was a MALE.”

“Think about it, there were all those times I came right on your bellybutton, and that has a channel into your internal organs,” said Dan nodding his head, he had studied this in law school.

Phil put a finger in his belly button and gave a wild moan. It was so good. So good. “Ahhhh!” he screamed as he fingerered his belly button, He fell back on the bed, too turned on to move. Dan quickly straddled him. “Is this what Daddy # 1 likes now???? He said. He moved his face to Phils pregnant tummy and began licking at his belly button hole. Licking. Back and forth. Phil was screaming, moving wildly, lost in the pleasure. It was only a minute later that he came violently, his belly button pulsating from his orgasm.

“Oh my god.”

Dan kissed his check, all happy from having pelased his man. “Nothings gonna change baby,” he said.

In the morning after eating some cereal, and Dan rimming his boyfriends sexy belly button again, the Doctor called.

“Hello Mr. Lester.”

“It’s Mrs. Howell now,” said Phil smiling all dopey.

“I have some big news to tell you.”

“I think we already know Doctor.”

“Your gonna have twins!”

“What!!!” Phil was so surprised, he looked at the dan, and suddnely he was so happy. “Twins! Is it a boy and a girl??”

“Yes,” said the doctor.

“Kanye and Buffy Dan, we’re gonna have Kaney and Buffy!”

“I am very proud of you,” said the Doctor. “You can call me here if you have any questions, I will be incharge of your birth.”

“Thank you,” said Phil.

They had some sex that day, and Dan rode Phil very hard but then he asked Phil to spill his good cum on Dan’s stomach so that they could have more babies. Phil did it, but he was a little jealuse. He wanted to be the only pregnant one. He wanted to be the mother/father, the birther, he didn’t want them to share. In the night, he couldn’t sleep. What if Dan got pregnant? It was sooo soon, and they would have 3 babies, maybe more, it was all too much.

He didn’t want Dan to have a baby now, his hormones were very weird and bad. He sweated in the bed, wrapping his hands protectively around his children. Next to him dan was sleeping, naked. He looked good, but Phil could not even.

That night, crying, he left. He had to see Kath. This was too much.

DUm DUm dum.

Phil didn not drive to his mothers because he is a gay and can’t drive and because he is a pregnant and can’t drive. He took the train. A very handsome man tried to hit on him, but Phil blushed and said that he was married. Dan had made a ring oout of a condom wrapper. It was on his finger, but he had to take it off when he fingered dan. The man understood and asked for a picture of his wife, when Phil showed him Dan he said:

“He is very handsome, you are a very lucky man.”

“Yes and we are going to have twins.”

And phil told him all about the cum and his belly button. The man as very surprised. Then his mom came. They were sitting in the kitchen of the house and she as making minced pies. The smell went thru the house, but Phil was too nauseous.

“You don’t look right Phillie has something happened?” she said, as she opened his mouth like a mother bird and deposited the food in there, like worms, you know?”

“I have something to tel you, but I don’t know how you’re gonna react.”

She sat and her eyes were big. “Is it about you and Dan.”

“Phil blushed.”

“You can tell me - I think-” she stopped herself, and breathed, reached over and grabbed his hands. “I know you are the homosexuals, that is very good of you, very good,” Her hands was warm. Phil started to cry again. God, these hormones, I thoguht as I pushed back the tears from my eyes. It was so hard to be a man.

“It’s more than this.”

“Oh?”

“Yes… I….. I….. I am going to have Dan Howell’s twins.”

His mom was shooketh.

In the morning, Martyn bought a little stuffed animal for Kanye and a little doll for Buffy. They had pasta, and in the evening, when the sun was down, and they were in the big yard, Phil started to cry again, and not just because he missed dan’s incredibly tight a*shole. “I never thought this was possible,” he told his older brother.

“But it is,” said Martyn knowingly.

“I am so exited, but I’m also scared, what if Dan is pregnant too? What if we can’t raise 3 children? What will we tell the phannies???”

Martyn, who was a very good brother, sighed. “You can tell them that tehy are mine and Cordelia’s kids. You can say that we died in a bloody accident and that you are rasing them for us.”

Phil’s eyes became teary. “I love you so much,” he said to his older brother as he hugged him. “You are so good. I will say you got choopped by a helicopter.”

“Yes,” said Martyn. “And we will go into hiding, so that you and Dan can raise your triplets.”

“Triplets?” said Phil.

“Oh yes,” said Martyn. “The doctor called, he said there were 3 children in your blood reports. The last one is also a boy.”

Phil’s mouth fell hard. “Another boy?” He was exited but confused. There was no cereal to eat.

That same day, Dan came to the house. He was very sad and upset, crying in his hot leather shirt that stuck to his body in all the right words. Phil wanted not to see him, but he looked so good. They fucked a little on the porch of the house until a neighbour screamed and then they fucked in the hallway because the famiy was asleep. Dan got cum on the walls. “This is very bad,” he said as he cleaned it off.

Phil new that they had to talk. He pulled dan into his secret place, which was a very cool basement apartment with instruments, he used to be in a band. It wa very sexy of him. They sat down on the drums. All dan was wearing was a leather shirrt.

“I have something to tell you,” said Phil.

“Me too,” said Dan.

“At the same time?” said Phil.

“Of course,” said Dan.

“I’m Pregnant” (Dan says this) / “I’m having triplets” (Phil says this)

They looked at each other, and then started to cry and hug, and then they fucked again.

It was very hard to film videos during the pregnancies, because their body were changing. Phil was very big and his cock grew too, Dan was big and he was also very naked most of the time, because his belly button (which was an outy) was turned on it he more shirts. They had to fuck a lot because the Doctor said it woud keep the babies healthies. And they aso had to decide the name of the other boy and Dan’s little girl.

One night after worshipping the devil, Phil came up with a very good idea. “Maybe we should have our phans decide what to call them?”

Dan would have jumped up, but when your pregnant yyou can’t jump. “Oh! Yes! What a good idea. But we can’t tell them. What should we say we are asking for?””

Phil cocked his head to the side looking all cute even though he was very pregnant with 3 little babies. “Maybe tell them we are making new sims characters?”

“Oh! Yes!” said Dan as he went to get cereal. “Phil MMIchael Howell!” he said as he picked up the empty box. “You ate all my cereal?”

Phil blushed. “The babies were hungry dan.”

Dan was not happy. “You owe me one,” he said.

Phil sighed. “Okay, i’l go get the fur suits.”

They fucked furry style whil watching nature documentaries, and then dan drank phil’s cum because he wanted his little girl to be very pretty.

In Septermber, the names of the new babies were announced. The boy was going to be called Harry Styles Howell Jr. and the girl was going to be called Britney Bitch Howell, but they were going to call he B.B for short, it was a very cute name. Now with all their baby names they began fixing the apartment for the babies. They painted the gaming room pink, and Phil’s old room blue and they they had very messsy sex and splattered paint all over their naked pregnant bodies, and they both looked so beautiful that they took pictures of themseles, with paint all over their nipples, and bellies, and cocks of course, and their faces full of cum. They were very artistic, like vogue, or tumblr porn.

It was harder to keep the pregnancy secret, they could not go outside, or else the Phans would see them! So they had to stay inside and sometimes the doctor would come to check on all their babies. He was very haappy for them ,but he also thought they were sexy, he told them this a lot. Phil glowed but Dan was very shy and he would back away behind his boyhusband.

Kath came to see them, and Lousie, and PJ and sometiems Cat too but they didn’t like her very much. Once Chris tried to come but they didn’t open the door for him. They didn’t see many people. One day Tyler Oakley came by, he did not know they were pregnant but when he saw them his eyes grew so big and he laughed and then stopped laughing and then laughed again. “What did you do???? I want a baby!”

Dan adn Phil told him. . He said he had done that lots and lots and had never gotten pregnant. They were confused. “Maybe if you showed me,” said Tyler casually.

Dan adn Phil wanted tyler to have a baby too, so they took off their clothes and fucked. Phil’s belly was making this hard but his dick was still harder. They fucked and fucked, and spilled the seed over each of theri stomachs.

Tyler was watching them with a hungry expression. “I’ve done that a lot, but I stil have never gotten pregnant.”

“That’s so sad,” said Phil who was happily rubbing his stomach babies.

“Maybe if one of you did it to me….” sayd Tyler hopefully.

Dan adn Phil looked at each other. “No! Said Dan. He was quite upset. “We don’t share our intimacy with other people.”

Tyler got angry. He stood up, his dick was very hard from watching dan and phil make sweet love. “Your just selfish. You have magic sperm that coudl give me the baby I always wanted and you’re keeping it to yourslef.”

Dan adn Phil looked at each other. ““No! Said Dan. He was quite upset. “We don’t share our intimacy with other people.”

Tyler stomped his foot hard on their floor. “Your gonna pay for this!” he declared before storming out of the apartment and bacck to America.

Dan and Phil held each other, and all their babies were together, and their stomachs were touching and even though Tyler had been very bad to them they were so so happy. Dan kissed Phil’s little nose. And then Phil sucked his dick. They went to sleep.

In the morning Phil started to feel real real bad.

He had had a bad dream. He told dannie all about his dream and then cried. In his dream Tyler told everyone they were gonna have babies. They went on twitter real quick to check, and there was a big old tweet from Tyler, telling the world they were gonna have babies.

“How could he?” said Dan resting his head against his boyhusband’s shoulder.

“I’m psychic,” said Phil.

“It’s probably because of the pregnancy, it makes things weird. U never used to eat cartboard remember?” Dan told him.

Phil nodded his head.

They had cereal and then worshipped the devil, but in the evening there was no more avoiding it. They had to answer all the tweets and investigations. Phans were going over all their recent videos (which had been from the neck up, or photoshopped) and getting evidence. Dan defended himself on Twitter a lot and called Tyler a perv and a liar. Phil had some popcorn because he had already eaten all the cereal .

This got worser the day after when someone hacked their phone and got their naked pregnancy photoshoop pictures. They were posted all over tumblr, they broke tumblr. Both prengnant boys looked sooo good, dressed only in colored paint and cum, their eyes glazed over from love making, their arms and legs wrapped up against each other. But there pictures were very exiplicit, you could see their cocks, and as*holes and also how fat they were getting from all those babies.

At first Dan and Phil tried to say that it wasn’t them.

But ti was their apartment.

So instead they posted a 17 hour video explaining the situation. It was a lot like this:

“Hello Internet.”

“Hello Gays.”

“We have something to tell you-” they said together.”

And then the camera panned down real slow and real good to show their beautiful bellies. “We are having babies!!!1” they both started crying.

They told their wonderful viewers all about their sex life, and how they had come sooo much on each others bellies. And they told them their baby names, and showed them ultrasound pictures and told them how they nervous they were for the birth. They also said that the paint photoshoot was gonna have some IRL merch soon, and that they would appreciate purchases because there was a lot to buy for little Kanye, Buffy, Harry Styles Jr, and B.B.

The phans were sooooo good about it. Everything was lovely and positive. Twitter and tumblr had all their pictures. There was a song made. A lot of beautiful art and these phanies just kept watching the 17h video over and over again, many died of dehydration but it was still a good thing.

But all this changed when Phil began feeling liquid leaking out of his belly button. (OMG guys this liquid isn’t even dan’s cum, would you believe???)

The doctor was verya nxiious when Phill came in. He was worried about how all of those babies was going to come out of his bellybutton. Dan was nervous too, and he was wearing a dress for the first time, it was soo pretty and white with flowers, and he was wearing heels because he was feeling more “feminine” now that he was about to give birth adn also because Phil had fucked him really good that morning. The heels were sparkly blue, like Phil’s eyes.

Phil was on the hospital bed, and he was sweating. Dan thought he looked very good. “You look soo baby,” he told his boy. “I could eat you like marmite right now,” he confessed in a whisper. The doctor heard:

“That’s very sexy of you,” he said to Dan.

Dan blushed.

Phil started pushing. He was pushing so much. But it was differed because he did not have a vagina. His belly button kept getting bigger and bigger to allow the baby to come thru, and then there was a plopping noise and it came thru, and then which the doctor was not expecting the belly button closed off again.

“Oh,” he said as he grabbed the baby. “I think the other two need a little more time in there.”

“Oh,” said dan and phil. They were tired.

The Doctor passed the baby to Phil first. It was kanye, and he was majestic. A little boy with a long of finger hair and big brown eyes. “Awwwww,” said Phil as he stroked the baby’s little cheek. “He looks like us.”

“What a good little Kanye,” said Dan and then he began playing the Life of Pablo from his iphone.

They were in the hospital for four days, but the baby was very healthy. Kath made it a little blanket that had kim kardashian on it. Phil cried a lot. He was so happy to be a mother/father. Dan couldn’t waitt for their other babies.

They went home, and put him in the blue room.

Then they had cereal.

Kanye was getting stronger every day, but he was also a strange baby. Sometimes when Dan and Phil were not there, he woudl begin hovering over the crib, and then he would make a noise like a police siren. It alarmed the new parents, but they loved their little boy all the same. About a month later Phil had the twins Harry Styles Jr. and Buffy. They had blue eyes, and looked super super cute.

In the house things were very busy with the 3 babies but Dan’s hormones were also very strange. He needed to be sexed every 4 hours precisely, so Phil was very busy, he had to feed his babies (and his nipples were very sore) and then fuck Dan. It was a busy time. He had to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with things. In the night sometimes they would watch Buffy the vampire slayer, and Kanye who could fly would wonder around the room like a little angel.

They were making a day in the life of Fathers, when Dan started to feel bad. Phil was holding a camera up to his face, and Dan was standing in a very cute blue dress with little Harry Styles Jr. in his arms, when suddenly he looked confused. “Why is my bellybutton wet??” he said.

“Honey again?” said Phil because during the sex they liked that.

Dan shook his head. “Oh, no,” he blushed. I think- I think-” he looked at Phil, all surprised. “I’m gonna have it NOW!”

“Oh my god,” said Phil.

He grabbed buffy and handed her to Kanye that flew her back to the crib and then he took care of his husband. He lay him down gently on the sofa and breathed with him, hoding his hand and kissing it. “It’s gonna be alright, it’s gonna be alright, I’ve already done this 3 times, I know what’s gonna happen.”

“It’s so good having you hear baby,” said Dan, who was crying, and holding his stomach. “I’m so scared.”

“She’s gonna be beautiful,” said Phil who kissed dan’s belly button. But this was bad becaue it turned dan on, dan screamed he told phil to stop and he moved in the bed, and then there was a plop, and his belly button opened like a flower and britney bitch came out. She was a very preotty baby, and very very blonde. They kissed her head and called her Princesss.

Kath and Martyn came to visit the babies, they passed Buffy, and Harry Styles Jr, and Britney Bitch around, and all of them were healthy and beautiful. Kanye was zooming around the room like a drone. Kath said it was very strange, but Dan explained to her that he had devil powers and then it was alright.

They were a big happy family, and there was a lot of cereal.

Martyn and Kath baby sat the babies and then Dan and Phil, alone again and not pregnant went and had sex in some bushes. Dan screamed “yehhhhaw,” and then he made the mistake of cumming in Phil’s belly button again.

“What if we get pregnant?” said Dan, so so scared.

Phil shrugged and then said very quiely. ‘I could just eat it”

Dan nodded, knowlledgably. “It is what cats do.”

“Yeah.”

They kissed very much.

“Four kids is enough.”

And they lived happily ever after although Phil did have to eat a couple more kids.

#my writing #phan #crack fic #mpreg #the double mpreg nobody asked for #lowkey my fav thing i've ever done #channeling fanfiction.net circa 2006

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hazbincalifornia · 4 years ago

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Something Very Special

Chapter 4: A few moments of reflection.

Likes, replies, and reblogs are all appreciated, both here and on ao3!

Warnings: Mpreg

Ao3 link

Blitzo prodded at his stomach in front of the full-length mirror in his room while wearing only his pants. It was a bit more obvious without a shirt and coat on that there was a slight bump, especially considering his slender physique. It had been a few hours since the visit with Stolas, and he could still almost feel the owl-demon’s hand against him.

Before leaving, Stolas had insisting on getting to feel his stomach again- it wasn’t sexual, as promised, but it made Blitzo shiver, the gentle way Stolas moved his fingertips over the skin and how he cooed with his eyes glowing brighter than usual.

“They’ll be perfect. I’m so glad you decided to keep them. This will all be worth it, Blitzy- you’re doing something very special.”

He was almost a month through, and there hadn’t been any real side effects yet. None that he’d actively noticed, anyway- he’d been a bit queasy while drinking coffee a time or two and had puked in the bushes on the way home from the bar after work once, but that could have just been the cheap, shitty booze and the fact that he’d been more ‘spinning’ than ‘dancing’ by the end of the night. Loona had pretty much dragged him back to the apartment when he almost passed out anyway- not his fault that the snacks weren’t good enough to waste money on so he ended up drunk way too fast. Ugh, he'd probably have to drop drinking, wouldn't he? Greeeeeeat.

In the other room, Loona was listening to some punk band he couldn’t recognize. He liked the fast, loud sound it had to it though, all the lyrics fuzzed through the walls so it was just the beat. Blitzo drummed his fingers over the bump.

“You’d better not be any trouble, you hear me? The most I want to deal with is people calling me fat or some shit. Maybe I can get something tailored? Might have to ask Stolas about that. I’d hate to be just popping out of everything in my wardrobe, I’ve got too good of a sense of fashion for that and I can’t deny the world me at my best.” He’d need to make a list of things he wanted before but hadn’t been willing to push his luck with Stolas on.

Actually, now that he thought of it... he’d been kind of pushing his luck the last few days, hadn’t he? He’d even insulted Stolas to his face earlier, but the owl had barely even flinched, too swept up in the fact that Blitzo was agreeing to keep the baby. If it meant he could loosen his lips a little outside of the bedroom, Blitzo’d count this as a double success for a while. Maybe that was another side effect- hormones? The inhibitions to not tiptoe around the dude who knocked you up? The one who knocked you up being more lenient himself? Who fuckin’ knew! He’d never exactly asked Mom about what it was like having him and his sisters, he figured nobody who wasn’t about to have kids did shit like that who wasn’t a pervert.

Blitzo’d been playing ball with Stolas for... geez, at least six months at this point? He’d never written it down or anything. It always felt like pins and needles until he either said some dumbshit thing Stolas didn’t find funny that he had to fumble over a half-assed apology for, or Stolas just started getting raunchy right in the middle of the calls he insisted on at least twice a week. At least when the guy got started, most of the time he just burnt himself out with an occasional ‘mhm’ or ‘oh yeah’ from Blitzo, who was getting pretty good at tuning it out. Horny bastard was probably jacking off during half of them too, from the squelches and moaning noises. Weirdo. It was like he didn’t know about porn or something.

But! But, he’d offered to leave actual sex off the table for five full months with the baby thing. It really said how much he wanted this, and it also said that Blitzo was probably going to be able to get away with a lot more than usual if Stolas was willing to forgo their ‘fornication’ (seriously, who used words like that, just say ‘fucking’ like a normal person) for the entire time. Maybe Blitzo could actually get lucky with someone else for once, if he wanted to.

“What do you think about all of this? I figure the weight will be worth not having to worry about him just scooping me up and running off during work hours. And that’s on top of actually having some real good stuff out of our little relationship besides him just not taking the book back.” He paused. “And the sex when we get around to it. That’s usually pretty good.” He turned to Spirit Jr, who was propped up on the bed. The stuffed horse just stared up at him, but he felt fairly sure that the emotion given off was approval. “Very helpful. Thank you.”

“Yo, Blitzo.” Loona rapped her knuckles on the doorframe before pushing the door open, and grimaced before slamming it shut again. “Geez, get dressed first!”

“I’m in my room, just ask first!” He tugged a hoodie on, the oversized fabric completely smothering his frame when he looked down before opening the door again, meeting her eyes. “What is it, honey?”

“Just making sure you were still keeping it.” She held up her phone. “Millie asked and the notifications are getting annoying.”

Blitzo squinted at the screen, and could see that Millie had sent a picture of Moxxie pacing with his fingers laced behind his back.

“Geez, he’s acting like it’s his baby or something. Priss. Yeah, I’m keeping it.” He rubbed an idle circle over the pocket of the hoodie, fingers criss-crossing a star on the inside of it. Of course, it didn’t have much power without the book in the other room.

“I know, just making sure you weren’t changing your mind and trying to cut it out in there.” She raised an eyebrow. “I’m only asking because this was the fourth text and she was worried you’d done something stupid. Did you check your phone?”

“Yeah, of course!” He blinked before heading back to where he’d hung up his coat, digging into the pocket before pulling out his phone that was currently flashing with several missed texts. Four long rambling ones from Moxxie, three slightly shorter ones from Millie, and then one each from Loona and Stolas. (Stolas’s was just a series of emojis that Blitzo didn’t really feel up to interpreting, including for some reason several leaves.)

He shot back a text to the IMP groupchat.

Im fine u gyus, dont worry aboutme. Its all good nd im keepingit.

He flopped down on the bed to start scrolling through Voxtagram, and Loona firmly snapped the door shut at the same moment the bed creaked from his weight.

“G’night, Blitzo.”

“G’night, Loonie! See you tomorrow bright and early!” he called back at the sound of her plodding down the hall. “We’ve got another job lined up!”

If he was lucky, maybe nothing else would even have to change.

#daddy blitzo #helluva mpreg #shadow writes stuff #hb #helluva boss #one time

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lovemesomerobobois · 4 years ago

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Ik you got a lot of mtmte op just now, but can we have him protecting his s/o or something? Post war would be interesting, maybe some rouge con snuck into their room or something?? Idk. Lovely writing btw!!

Sorry this took so long!! A week passed and I was like, oops I missed the asks!

Optimus x Gender Neutral bot, rated T for language, minor violence and uhhhhh very very little possible mpreg? yeah, sorry

this kept getting longer and longer xD ENJOY!

Peace is frail in the best of times. After eons of systemic formism and violently manifested unrest and rage, no one expected anything but conflict. No matter how hard anyone tried, hatred and division persisted.

Optimus battled with the shame of being glad that he and his conjunx avoided the worst of the danger this new Cybertron had to offer. During council meetings, when reports focused on cross faction violence and the murders of innocents, he longed to serve as an officer, to command justice in the law, but what law was there left to uphold? Even before the war, justice was a fever dream.That he ever believed in it seemed foolish now.

Standing in the hall outside his apartment, Optimus thought of this as he stared at the crumbled latch dangling from the door. He listened for some reason to enter. His conjunx was covering a double shift at the nursery downtown, so he took comfort in knowing nobody was home when the break-in took place. There was nothing particularly valuable in the apartment, but Optimus grimaced when glass shattered somewhere within.

Fuck, he was exhausted. Worn to his wits’ end, he debated turning around and going to visit his partner while they worked. He would call Prowl to come take a look, but the situation didn’t merit much energy.

He was halfway down the hall when a piercing cry spilled from the apartment. Going rigid, he whipped around, quickly equipping his blaster, and retraced his steps. Without hesitation, Optimus kicked the door and it swung on its creaky hinge and banged against the wall. The living room was trashed, flipped furniture, broken vases, but Optimus wasn’t expecting the glowing crystals or the blue energon flower petals scattered among the debris. He was taken aback only for a second before he spotted blotts of fresh energon on the floor. He followed a trail to the bedroom, all the while muffled cries and words swarmed him.

He heard pleaded stops, and snarled fuck yous and then a sickening thud, a fist connecting with something solid. Optimus shouldered passed the door and burst in, overcoming the first stranger and knocking him into the wall. A second mech turned on him, knife in hand, and he ducked a swing and swiped the attacker’s legs out from under him. A cursory glance was sent towards the berth, where his conjunx was sprawled, invents coming and going with a rasping sound, but they were alive.

The first stranger lunged for Optimus and clawed at the back of his neck as if trying to rip out his spinal cord. Optimus reared back and landed heavy on the ground, the mech pinned between his bulk and the floor. The other was struggling to his pedes, so Optimus shot out his kneecaps and rolled off the other, now wheezing, mech. He grabbed the mech’s shoulder pauldron and flipped him over, swiftly cuffing him. As unnecessary as Starscream said it was, Optimus always kept a pair in his subspace.

He left the first stranger to restrain the second, who was groaning and cursing, clutching his bleeding knee but doing no good.

Optimus glowered down at him, pressed the muzzle of his blaster against his helm and barked, “What did you do to them?”

The mech snorted. “Your skank would be fine if they’d listened to us.”

“Who are you,” Optimus growled. His trigger finger ached and he could care less about this piece of trash, but if he killed someone, even in defense, it could seriously hamper political delegations with the remaining Decepticon loyalists and the rogues taking refuge in the city. He tried again, “You have two minutes to explain before I blow your brain module all over the floor!”

“Fuck you, Autobot scum. You think you own the planet? You think you have any right to make decisions for the rest of us?” He spat on Optimus’ pedes. “No, you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing, and we’re here to remind you that we all die. We all bleed.”

____

Prowl shook his helm when Optimus recounted the conversation. Jazz and a few other officers already dragged the rogues off, and a medic was checking on his conjunx. The two mechs stood in the hall to avoid the mess of the apartment as they spoke.

“I’ve seen better assassination attempts from blind mechs,” Prowl grumbled. “Regardless, we’re going to have to relocate you two. There are a handful of flats West from here, should work.”

Optimus wrung his servos together, glancing inside. “Thank you.”

For a moment, there was silence. It raked over Optimus’ nerves and left him jittery and unstable. The medic still hadn’t come out. Prowl patted him on the shoulder and headed out, and Optimus continued to fret while he waited for the all-clear.

Finally, he was allowed inside. His conjunx was propped up against the headboard, their wounds bandaged and their gaze lazy. Optimus thanked the medic and closed the door before hurrying over to the berth. His partner blinked slow as their optics brightened and they gave him a listless smile.

“Optimus. . . Are you alright?”

Optimus climbed onto the berth and curled into them. “Yes, yes I’m fine,” he muttered. A servo on his chin forced him to look up.

They smiled again and kissed the top of his helm. “I wanted to surprise you.”

He looked at them, confused, until they whispered two words that made him feel like he was dreaming, like all this was surreal.

“I’m carrying, sweetspark,” they said. “The sparkling is safe, and so am I. I love you, Optimus. I could never do anything but love you, my darling.”

Optimus buried his face in their side and wept. Tears of joy, exhaustion, fear, everything poured out of him but he felt no shame in his tears. Here, in his conjunx’s arms, he was safe and appreciated and happy. He trembled with his sobs while they pet his helm and soothed his fears and his anxiety. They hushed him and chased away the dark clouds that fogged his mind.

Optimus would die for his conjunx, and they would do the same in an instant. Perhaps that made their relationship volatile, but peace was never an option.

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fyrapartnersearch · 4 years ago

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1x1 M// Fantasy Romance OC search

Hey! Y'all can call me Eyo or Eyofin, I’m a queer female, 27 years old, full time job and yada yada. Looking for some new fun to keep me going during these great awesome amazing wonderful times. I tend to be long-winded so I’m trying to keep this as brief as I can.

About me & my writing:

CST Timezone

13+ years of writing experience

Looking to write OC’s, although I’m happy to take inspiration from established universes

Huge Overwatch dweeb, into anime, fantasy, art…the whole nerd package. I like making friends and OOC chat a lot, and I typically get on with people who have similar interests!

I tend to write 500+ words per post, 3rd person, past-tense. I have no length requirements so long as you give me something to bounce off. I’d like coherent grammar and spelling, but I’m not crazy picky.

Chill atmosphere. RP'ing is a hobby and isn’t worth it unless it’s fun for everyone involved. That being said, I can comfortably respond once a day, but I usually match my partner’s pace. I expect you to understand if I need to go a few days without replying, take a break, or go on hiatus. Also, ditching happens. I get it. I don’t sweat the details. If we’ve crossed paths before and it didn’t work out, but you’d be inclined to try again, I’m totally down.

Looking mostly for M/M, tho I’d be open to F/F too. That being said, nothing turns me away more than someone who only plays the submissive role, so if this is you, we’re not going to mesh. I’d rather not distinguish what position characters take in bed and let it flow naturally.

21+ just because I find it much easier to relate to people closer to my age.

I really enjoy writing smut. I think I’m one of the few people that can pretty much just write it forever (although whether I write GOOD smut is...eh...debatable). That being said, I do still expect a story, and the level of smut can vary depending on what you’re comfortable with. I don’t have many limits at all, but my big, non-negotiable No’s are mpreg, A/B/O, scat, and vomit. I’m always happy to fade to black or accommodate your limits, no questions asked. We can discuss this more in private.

Email or discord are my preferred methods of writing

My characters tend to be very quirky. I like giving them extremes: making them particularly amazing in a few areas, at the detriment of being severely lacking in others. Flawed geniuses. I enjoy giving them pretty radical personality types and don’t do well playing mild, average characters. I tend to break the molds of realism pretty often.

What I’m looking for:

Genres: high fantasy, superheroes, supernatural, adventure, modern fantasy, monsters, apocalypse, etc.

Character-driven. Come at me if you have OC’s you’re craving to play and we'll smush him with one of mine and see what happens! I’ve got mostly humanoid characters with a monster or two thrown into the mix. I like human x creature pairings quite a bit, but am fine with human x human and all other sorts ;)

I like both fluff and dark themes. Sickeningly sweet romance and then a dose of violence. Relationships that are sunshine and relationships that are twisted and messed up. I think it’s fun when a roleplay has tons of up’s and down’s across the board

I’m cool doubling as necessary to carry the plot along

My plot ideas:

I’m actually pretty dry on plots at the moment, so if you have something you’re craving let me know! I’m open to most things. Here’s a few vague possibilities off the top of my head:

Kingdoms at war: Can be various types of kingdoms, but two individuals on opposite sides of a war end up in a situation where they have to depend on one another to survive: getting stranded, a huge monster attack, unexpected bigger enemy appearing, etc. They could be the leaders of each kingdom, the children of those leaders, or random soldiers.

Knights and monsters: A famous knight or bounty hunter ends up in an unlikely scenario where he’s paired up with the kind of monster he’s usually fighting.

Rebellion: Characters live in an oppressive regime. One character is gathering up a rebellion. The other, who could be anyone ranging from a poor nobody to a rich noble, decides to follow along with their cause.

Assassins/Bounty Guild/Mercenaries: Through a wild series of circumstances, one character ends up joining an elite group of assassins/mercenaries, and it’s up to the other character to train him. (I would love to play the experienced guy in this situation!)

Superheroes: BNHA or Tiger & Bunny inspired. Characters join an organization to be superheroes. They could be classmates, assigned as partners, or, similar to the assassins plot, take on more of a mentor/student role.

Adventure: Characters are explorers tasked with reaching a specific location, chasing after some kind of legendary treasure in an incredibly hostile environment. They can be rivals or partners, or from various different walks of life all trying to reach the same goal.

Gladiators: Boys in an arena, either a fighter and his owner, or two fighters who have to duke it out for the crowds.

I also have a few pre-made OC’s, and I’d love to write any of them! Since this post is getting rather long, you can find them at https://toyhou.se/Eyofin.

Thanks for reading through! If you’re still interested you can email me at [email protected] or Discord @Eyofin#2223.

#independent roleplay #oc rp #multiple paragraph #long term #email #smut rp #submission

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killian-whump · 6 years ago

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WHookWeek: The F Word

Hello, and welcome to my TED Talk. I’m KW, and I’m the head mistress of the Killian Jones Bang Train. In honor of Wish Hook Week, I’ve been asked by absolutely no one to provide an in-depth look at our facilities and the special amenities and stations we’ve added to accommodate Old Hook, Wish Hook, and Detective Rogers.

First, allow me to say that we here at the KJ Bang Train have every sympathy for those who choose not to acknowledge the existence of Wish Hook (or his tengential other versions). We have a highly sophisticated protocol in place for such riders on the Bang Train, which we have tentatively titled, “Shut Up and Bang the Other One Then”.

However, for those of you who have adopted a “the more the merrier” or an “if it has Colin’s face, I’ll bang it” approach in your life, we have adapted and expanded all of our stations to allow for this exciting new addition to the KJ Bang Train. Please, come along with me for a veritable word wall virtual tour.

Current KJ Bang Train Stops

Aside from the last 30-40 years of their lives, Wish Hook and OG Hook both had the exact same experiences and relationships. As a result, nearly all stations service both Hooks concurrently - a fancy word that means at the same damn time. However, most stations do have special kiosks and exhibits relating to one Hook or the other. Let’s take a look...

Stop 1: The Liam Jones Lookout Whilst technically a station, this small stop is more of a pause in the Bang Train’s route. We have never witnessed anyone actually getting off at this stop, aside from those few souls who forgot they were riding the Bang Train and thought they’d take in some brotherly love. Generally, these riders return to the Train a little shaken, having seen a bit too much brotherly love for their tastes. Still, the stop is here if anyone ever shows up to man the place.

Stop 2: The Millian Mile This gorgeous, scenic stretch of stations is the second largest stop on the KJ Bang Train’s route. We have canon-compliant banging, canon-divergent banging, and AU banging... all of which service both Hooks equally. We also have an additional station devoted to OG Hook for all your Underworld banging needs. Bang away, you tragic star-crossed lovers T_T

Stop 3: Golden Hook Gateway Don’t be fooled by this stop’s golden appearance. All that glitters is not always consensual. Or maybe it is. But it’s probably not. This stop caters to both Hooks equally, though one’s likely to have a slightly more positive experience than the other. AU bangings, canon-compliant FoeTP bangings, canon-divergent bangings... We’ve got all the dirty, filthy bangings you could possibly want here. Just make sure to wipe your feet before boarding the train again. We don’t know where you’ve been, you dirty fiend friend.

Stop 4: Tinkerhook Terminal This fun, spritely stop is the first of several located in our lovely Neverland Neighborhood. This stop caters to both Hooks with plenty of jungle bangings literally everywhere and anywhere bangings can occur. There’s also a special “Reunion in Neverland” Kiosk that caters solely to OG Hook and S3 bangings, as well as a Storybrooke Kiosk for any of your post-S3 bangings with either Hook (or both, we never judge).

Stop 5: Captain Pan Camps As soon as the Bang Train pulls in at this popular stop, you’ll be asked by our porter if you prefer the Dark Camp or the Light Camp. You’ll want to make sure you choose wisely, my friends, as there is a BIG difference between the two! Both cater to all of your Captain Pan bangings, albeit in very different ways. Both also have an OG Hook specific “Reunion in Neverland” Kiosk, as well as a “Wish Pan” exhibit that promises untold future wonders for both Hooks... or nightmares, depending on which camp you chose ;)

Stop 6: The Lost Boys Layover Stops are rarely as raucous (or dangerous) as this one, which is why we do not allow drop-offs with later pick-ups here. We used to, but no one ever seemed to return, or they showed up late and on death’s door from Dreamshade poisoning. Instead, the Bang Train will remain in station, ready for evacuation, for the duration of your visit. Make sure to check out the “Felix Fracas” exhibit and the Mess Hall, which serves a lovely foie gras. (Please Note: All of our Lost Boys are physically over 18 and mentally deranged.)

Stop 7: Tiger Lily Territory The last of our Neverland stops is a beautiful paradise of nature. Specializing in blow darts, Lost Boy evasion, and bangings, this stop also boasts a lovely Post-Series Kiosk dedicated especially to Wish Hook. If Wish Hook isn’t to your liking, shut up and bang the other one instead.

Stop 8: Hooked Queen Haven The third largest stop on the Bang Train’s route, and the largest non-canon stop, this station has a small Pre-Curse Carriage Ride to greet you as soon as you leave the Bang Train. This rollicking ride is the only part of the Haven that services both Hooks equally. From there, the station diverges down two separate paths. The left hand path is for Wish Hook, comprised of Pirate Queen and HQ Endgame stations, while the right hand path is for OG Hook’s continued pre-curse and post-curse Hooked Queen shenanigans and various AU stops.

Stop 9: Captain of Hearts Cave This rocky dungeon-like stop caters almost exclusively to OG Hook, though there is a small kiosk for those who choose to believe there was some banging attempts before the two Hooks’ paths diverged. Make sure to check out the “History of Male Submission” exhibit, which runs year round for absolutely no reason at all, unless you know what I mean, then you know what I mean, and would surely agree with its inclusion here. For no reason. At all. Have a nice day :)

Stop 10: Captain Gothel Grove This dark, ominous stop is definitely one for seasoned bangers only. Be sure this is where you want to stop before you get off the train, because once you’re here... Well, you might be here for a longer time than you’d like. This stop is exclusively for Wish Hook, as OG Hook refused to touch this stop with a ten foot pole, much to Mother Gothel’s disappointment. Warning: Don’t eat the mushrooms. Or drink the tea. Or... Really, just watch your back, like, the whole time. Forever. This one is a genocidal maniac.

Stop 11: Hookriel Harbor This stop was originally much smaller and in a different place on the route, but it was upgraded and relocated as of Season 7. While the original station was devoted solely to OG Hook bangings, the new and improved station now focuses more so on Wish Hook and Wish Ariel’s relations. There still exists a kiosk for OG Hookriel, of course, along with all the original content from the first incarnation of this much-loved stop. Old Hook also gets some love here.

Stop 12: Sleeping Hook Spot This quaint little stop is centered on OG Hook’s AU/Divergent bangings with Princess Aurora. There is a small kiosk for potential Wish Hook post-series bangings, just in case you have need of it. This quiet refuge is just the place to calm your nerves before reaching the next stop...

Stop 13: Captain Swan Central Station The largest and busiest stop on the entire Bang Train line, this bustling hub boasts all the amenities one would expect from a 5-star establishment - a coffee shop, a gym, a pool where ill-fitting suits just happen to fall right off, plenty of hotel rooms with only one double bed, etc. There’s also special sub-stations for Lieutenant Duckling, Captain Swan Threesomes (just slap a name on the end of “Captain Swan” and there’s a station for it), Captain Swan 2.0, and just about every other variety of this endgame ship that your dirty little heart could possibly desire. Make sure to check out the special year-round exhibit entitled, “How Many Hooks Is Too Many Hooks?” Spoiler: The answer is none. There is no such thing as too many Hooks for Emma to bang at once.

Stop 14: Captain Charming Cove If you’re looking for a bromance, you’ll have to look elsewhere... for this is the bang train. We got nothing but bangings here, and these two DO bang at this stop. Choo Choo, All Aboard! We also have an MPreg Kiosk for all your mpreg needs. Nobody judges here. All Hooks welcome.

Stop 15: Krakillian Kreek A watery stop full of nothing but HUGS!!! (And tentacles. Please mind the tentacles and keep an eye on your orifices.)

Stop 16: Old Hooks Home This special stop caters to Old Hook, and Old Hook alone. Anyone and anything you might want to have Old Hook bang - it can happen here. Granny, Lady Tremaine, Old Emma, Young Emma, you name it. There’s also Taco Tuesdays and free bingo every night.

Stop 17: Hooking Utensil Utopia This Rogers-centric stop boasts the finest beignets in the world, as well as some top-notch detective work if you’re into that kind of thing. Oh, who are we kidding? You’re here to bang some Hooks... and the Hooking Utensil stop has the sweeeeeetest banging this side of the Pancake House. Wish Hook is also welcome, of course, both pre- and post- Hyperion Heights.

Stop 18: Hook Coven Crossing Still need more Hook? We’ve got you covered. Here at Hook Coven Crossing, your Hooks can bang other Hooks... and still more Hooks... whilst banging still more Hooks... and then a few more. All the Hooks are here, and they’re all waiting for you each other! :D

Stop 19: Last Chance Alley We here at the KJ Bang Train like to see to ALL of our riders’ needs... and that’s where Last Chance Alley comes in. All bangable ships that don’t have stops of their own can be indulged in here. We have kiosks for Red Hook, Black Hook, Wicked Hook, Hookfire, Stubble Sandwich, whatever we call Hades and Hook (why does that still not seem to have a name? maybe Blue Hook? No, that would be Blue + Hook...)... All the smaller ships are here, along with Captain Floor, Captain Bondage, some interactive “Make Your Own Threesome” exhibits and a self-contained Orgy Pile! Make sure to top off your ride on the Bang Train with this one-of-a-kind stop!

Stop 20: Right Back to the Start... The KJ Bang Train is life. The KJ Bang Train is love.

#whookweek #killian jones #wish hook #detective rogers #all the hooks #i meant for this to be more wish hook exclusive #but then it kinda got away from me #but here it is #oc #not whxmp #kw writes a thing #kj bang train #all aboard #choo choo

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redvelvetreel · 6 years ago

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Red Velvet Reel 8: Dirt Nap:

[Fic Directory]

Pairing: [Married] Spicyhoney (Underfell Papyrus x Underswap Papyrus)

Summary: Edge is sleeping in too much, and it's starting to freak Stretch out. Too bad he sucks at confrontations, and Edge takes this opportunity to springboard into a topic Stretch never ever wants to discuss. Now they're both unhappy.

Characters: Edge (Underfell Papyrus) & Stretch (Underswap Papyrus)

Contains: Mpreg/Skelepreg! Domestic Fluff! Sleepy Edge! Worried Stretch! Anxiety! Discussions of death and wills! Crying! Emotional hurt/comfort (mild tho)! Misunderstandings!

Rating: Teen and up! (I guess?)

Note: The official start of Phase II! :D Should clarify the title is a pun/double entendre, lol, nobody actually dies!

Sleepy mornings were his favorite.

Edge was too tired and out of it to put up his usual defenses, indulging in the raw affection he sometimes struggled with in his more alert moments. Waking up to see his husband snuggled up against him, so openly relaxed and at peace, never failed to soothe the unspoken concerns in Stretch’s soul.

...Were.

Stretch shifted into a more comfortable position, propping his head up on his arm as he watched Edge sleep. He stroked down the arms wrapped around his waist absently, glancing at the clock on the bedside table.

11:30.

There was that familiar prickle of concern. This was the second weekend in a row Edge slept in past 10. He usually only ‘slept in’ until 8:30.

“Darlin’,” he asked softly, running a gentle hand down a shoulder blade and along the humerus, “Are you feeling well?”

“Mmm...” Edge complained, turning further into Stretch’s chest to escape the tickling fingers. Stretch laughed at that reaction, enjoying the way his husband’s shoulders shook by extension. “Stop...”

Stretch rolled onto his back, bringing Edge with him. The sleepy monster huffed, rearranging himself into a more comfortable position, cheek pressed against his husband’s chest. He blinked blearily, voice rough with sleep, “Why’re ya up?”

“It’s past 11, Babe,” Stretch placed a hand on Edge’s forehead, discreetly feeling his temperature, “That’s the third weekend I’ve been the one waking you up. I’m getting worried you’re coming down with something...”

Edge gave a dismissive snort, “M’fine, Honey Bear.” Stretch smiled at the pet name, rubbing circles on Edge’s shoulders and pulling him closer. It did nothing to soothe his frazzled nerves.

“Yeah? Then why are you so sleepy, hmm? This entire week, I’ve been the one waking you up for work. You don’t usually sleep through your alarms.”

“You’re a bad influence,” Edge teased, obviously more awake now, although he still didn’t lift his head. “You and your laziness. Blue warned me, but-“

“I’m serious, Pap,” Stretch persisted, grabbing his husband’s hand and threading their fingers together, “What if you’re getting sick? We should go see Undyne again-“

Edge made a face at that, “Stretch-”

Shaking his head, Stretch continued earnestly, “What if something’s wrong with you? What if something’s wrong with Pancake?”

Edge changed his position so he was resting on his elbows, almost like a cat. He maintained eye contact as he put his head back down, tracing lazy hearts over the sternum.

“The baby is fine. I am fine,” Edge said slowly and carefully, mouth quirking into an almost mischievous grin, “Since they are your child, it’s only natural they crave sleep. That’s a good sign.”

“Heh,” Stretch smiled briefly, resting his hands on Edge’s hips loosely. As much as that comment filled him with warmth, however, that sense of unease and dread was overpowering. “We still need to get it checked out. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

“If anything happens to me, you would adjust and carry on.” Edge sighed almost like he was disappointed, like that was the most obvious answer in the world. Like it didn’t make Stretch’s soul freeze at the mere thought.

“Don’t-“ His throat felt tight, a heavy and unpleasant feeling settling in his bones, “Don’t say that!”

“Why not? I’ve been a part of your life for 6 years and 4 months. I’ve only been a part of your daily life for 1 year and 8 months.” Edge was so blasé and frank about it, like he was talking about the weather or something. “It would be difficult and painful,” he cupped Stretch’s cheek as though that made this whole horrible conversation any better, “But you can do it. I know you can.”

“What are you even talking about?!” Were they having the same conversation? “I’m even more worried now, thanks, so we’re absolutely going to the doctor now. Even so, it’s probably not life or death-“

“Yes it is!” Why was Edge still going on this horrible tangent?! “Life and death are all part of the same thing! Gain comes with loss. I could die today, tomorrow, two years from now, or twenty. We all Fall Down someday. Actually, back home-“

“Edge,” Stretch grabbed his face, butting their foreheads together, more than a little desperate, “This isn’t Underfell! You don’t need to worry about dying anytime soon!” He let out a little, shuddering breath, thoroughly spooked, “Geez, how can you even be thinking about this now of all times-“

“Papí.” He recognized that tone of voice, oh no- “We cannot control what events come our way, but we can control our reactions-“ Edge cut himself off when Stretch hugged him a little too tightly, face burrowed in the junction between his neck and shoulder. He pet the back of his husband’s skull gently. “You never know what could happen, so it’s very important we have a plan.”

Stretch shook his head stubbornly, feeling the beginnings of tears as his soul seemed to thunder in his chest. He wasn’t going to think about it. He wasn’t going to imagine this. “No.”

Edge went quiet for a moment as though he was actually surprised by the strong reaction he was getting. Bastard. “Let me tell you what I want you to do when I dust, then-“

Stretch groaned as loudly as he could, voice starting to break, “You are literally killing me!”

His husband continued to stroke his back reassuringly. “Well, in the event of my murder, Red is going to avenge me, if necessary. You don’t need to worry about that.”

Stretch wanted very much to make a snappy and irritated remark, but found himself trying to regulate his breathing. This was such a stupid thing to be upset about-

“It’s very selfish, but I want you to keep wearing my ring, and if possible, sprinkle some of my dust on it. When you proposed, you told me you would be mine forever- so I’ll hold you to it.”

Stretch’s shoulders shook with the force of his head shaking, unable to articulate anything coherent. He wished this was just idle talk- a cruel and morbid prank- but he knew his husband was being serious. Edge continued to stroke his skull, using his other hand to hold him close.

“I won’t ask you to remain celibate or single, but remember, I own your heart. My ring always goes first. And if you DO end up with someone else, which you can, and maybe even should if Pancake outlives me, then-“

“Stop, stop!” Stretch gasped incredulously, feeling like he was going to burst into tears, “How can you possibly want to talk about that?”

Edge looked at him incredulously, “It’s an important conversation we need to have. I have several plans for Pancake’s future, but I need your input first.” He pulled out three folders from his inventory. “The pink folder is in case we both die and it’s for our brothers. The yellow one is in case I die and it’s for you. The blue-”

“Oh my God, you’re gonna die-” It felt like a knife had been thrust into his soul, and he could practically feel Edge turn to dust in his arms. Why else would he have such detailed plans? “You’re gonna die, and leave me alone with Pancake-” His chest was starting to hurt, and it felt like it was getting harder to breathe as the waterworks started.

“I am not going to die! I’m fine!” Edge pulled him against his chest, alternating between patting and rubbing his back. He actually sounded alarmed now, “Why would I die now, when I have so much to live for? Don’t cry!”

Stretch tried to say something else, but it just came out as a watery blubber.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m okay, Papa Bear.” Edge held him until he managed to get his breathing back under control. Maybe he didn’t have Edge’s soul reading ability, but it wasn’t hard to tell his husband was definitely spooked, “Why are you crying?” Edge brushed away the tear tracks gently, “This is a complete overreaction! I’m not going to dust from sleeping too long-”

Somehow, that little phrase cut through the haze of grief and Stretch saw red.

“I’M overreacting?!” Stretch sputtered in a rage, pulling away with an indignant huff, “You-! How dare you!”

He didn’t wait for Edge to answer, “I was just asking if you were coming down with a cold! You’re the one talking about death! I’m sorry I worry about you?! This whole death talk cruel and unnecessary-“

Edge flinched, pulling away, and Stretch was immediately filled with remorse.

“Babe, Sweetheart, love of my life, please,” Stretch wasn’t above begging, literally clasping his hands in supplication, “I didn’t mean it that way. Sorry.”

This was a weird, bad awkward. Stretch kept talking nervously, “If you want to discuss the future, how about we look at the best and happy one! Like, how we want to decorate and furnish the nursery! Or look over at Blue’s baby shower theme and venue suggestions! Literally anything else, please, please.”

For a long moment, Edge was quiet, something unreadable in his expression as he scrutinized his husband’s face. Finally, he nodded stiffly, “...Ok.”

Great. Now Edge was mad or disappointed in him, and he felt bad again-

“I’m sorry I upset you,” Edge said quietly, obviously considering his words very carefully, “If it makes you feel better, I will go and see the doctor.”

“No-“ Stretch sighed scrabbling at his face, “You’re right, I overreacted- you’re not dying, you’re just, like, utilitarian and morbid. Efficient and morbid?” He kept his hands over his face, not wanting to see Edge’s expression at that poor word choice. “Anyway, I know you hate the doctor, and I was getting carried away, so-“

“It’s fine.” Edge’s tone was still cautious and calm, and he quickly got out of bed. Stretch only lifted his hands to look up at his husband when he felt the gentle weight of a cellphone on his chest. “You should-“

“Are you mad at me?” Stretch sat up quickly, cellphone tumbling to his chest as he caught Edge by the wrist. “I’m sorry- I know this sort of conversation is important and you meant well, so I didn’t mean to be dismissive or anything. I’m sorry I didn’t react well, but you just caught me off guard-“ The words just started tumbling out, a roiling sense of unease that was making his anxiety spike, “And then talking about Pancake like that was just a little too much for me! I mean, they aren’t even born yet and you’re already prepping for a future where you’re not there and I just- I can’t even begin to even think about a future without you and I can’t fathom having them but not you so I just panicked-“

“Papí.” Edge’s tone was firm but warm, taking his hands with a squeeze that was too tight to be pleasant. It sure got him focusing on that instead of his frenzied thoughts though. “You need to calm down. We’re done talking about that.”

He let go of his husband’s hands only to move onto the phone, “You will call the doctor and set up an appointment for Thursday morning. Then you will come downstairs and we’ll have brunch.”

“I love you.” Stretch buried his face in his husband’s ectostomach as he threw his arms around Edge’s waist. “I’m so sorry-“

“Why? I made you cry.” Edge’s tone was warm and he rubbed his back fondly. “I’ll make you a Coolada-” Edge stopped himself. “Maybe tea would be better. I’ll add some honey. And I’ll make some of those grit things you love so much, with extra butter to it this time. We’ll also have eggs and toast and… Uh...”

Why didn’t Edge include any Underfell dishes in that line up? Edge wouldn’t eat the grits or eggs, and he almost always made Greempanadas when he was in a Brunch mood...

“Whatever else you want.”

This was backwards. Edge had a very definite uneasy tension in the way he was carrying himself, and Stretch should be comforting him. He didn’t have a reason to be this discombobulated. “But-“

“Call her, and then come down when you’re ready,” Edge was stern, as though he could read his mind, pulling away and making his way to the door. He paused at the door jamb, looking over his shoulder, “It’s fine. Stop agonizing over this.”

Stretch watched him leave, trying very hard not to agonize. He had obviously offended/hurt Edge with that comment, to the point his husband was backing off anything related to Underfell. That wasn’t what he wanted at all, but how was he supposed to turn this around? Edge, understandably, didn’t want to talk about it anymore…

Right, Edge was the kind of guy who appreciated actions over promises and words. Thursday, ok. That would give him several days to show Edge... something. But what? [ Start of Phase II: ███████░░░░░░░ 50% ]

#spicyhoney #Underfell Papyrus #underswap papyrus #redvelvetreel #fanfic #skelepreg

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oblivioustoast · 6 years ago

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i was going back thru my tagsofthewhathaveyou posts and damn if they didn’t still make me laugh so now it’s time fooooorrrrrrr

Tags of the Week or Something Like It -

Greatest Hits!!!!

#Checkmate atheists

#i bet spooks hassle him all day trying to possess that rockin bod

#g spoot

#make sure to play it loud enough to hear in my coffin so i'll know my cue to kick it open

#*takes next train to garbage hell*

#HAS SCIENCE gonE TOOO FAR?????

#go big or go home as i never say

#so weird it almost seems like if you do something instead of nothing at all that results can be achieved

#do it. drink fire.

#I'm IN HeELL

#this better be good or I will kill everyone who's ever betrayed me

#so I ran him through with an axe.

#I had an idea for a script once.#It's basically Jaws except when the guys in the boat are going after Jaws#they look around and there's an even bigger Jaws#so the guys have to team up with Jaws to get Bigger Jaws#I call it Big Jaws#I already got a sequel in mind. It's called Way Bigger Jaws.

#y’all are pervs

#i want to tranquilize him#with my vagina

#CHROST

#DEAD TOM’S DEAD

#i round up to lesbian

#PLEASE DON’T LOOK IN THAT GUITAR CASE IT IS FILLED WITH SECRETS MOTHER

#hide this behaviour from your family in case they add it to their list of things to frown about

#The refreshing crunch of Sonic mpreg

#I'll date who I wanna date you hot potato chicken nugget ass double dipped bastard

#it’s like assassin’s creed but worthless and annoying

#i remember being angry the day i discovered the patella wasn't literally a little bowl that cradled your knee like a tiny leg helmet

#...............how to toothpaste

#having multiple heads and terrifyingly powerful visages must be hard for all of you

#Whatever the hell fucking time or day it is on what the fuck ever planet I'm on

#i am terrified of macauly culkin tbh

#some1 call da hottie police

#*toot toot too-* *stops* fuck. *toot too toot*

#i bet you looked down here to see if there was a little extra joke in the tags

#no not that low-- THAT'S NAUGHTY

#ok but if Xena's not in it it's not true

#if you ignore my flaming vomit body

#can i liver here?

#I mean who the hell knew bananas were flammable they never mention that

#these things are too glamorous to stick in my glorious orifices.

#one day the aliens will come and use our love of hollywood pets against us

#ain't nobody fuckin' with my click click cl...why won't this fucking remote work?

#abandoned you sayyyy….

#Thomas the NSFW Engine

#thigs gap

#are you out of YOUR MIND

#then again it doesn't really matter because the sun will explode and everything

#dogs getting hired is why I can't get a job. Thanks Obama

#I could make a list of people who need to stop. This list would span the Atlantic.

#partner in crime or partner in.. *whispers*....sexual activity

#Did you know that wolves also enjoy Mimosas like people?

#nope useless let's eat them

#no wanking till winter

#everybody is so utterly fucking dead jim

#this isn’t helping my fucking raging FIERY EXPLODING DESIRE TO SHHHHHHHHHHHHH #SHAG HIM

#the other day i found a relative in a jar in the roof and THAT’S NOT SOMETHING ANYONE SHOULD HAVE TO STUMBLE ACROSS.

#quite a goddamn pickle if you ask me

#*crawls under a rotten log in the middle of the woods to die*

#but beastiality?!?!?

#my vibrator just electrocuted me.

#is this a joke I'm going to punch you in the lips with my mouth

#this is a vagina you can't fool me

#why can dogs even snore what is the point

#If the FBI sees this I’M KIDDING jfc

#I think it would be amazing to be killed by Christopher Lee.

#my first blowjob i was really scared so my boyfriend let me put nutella on his penis and all was well

#australia is an animal joke factory

#just click your heels three times and then eat that mothafucka

#Pooh u ok?

#feelings disgust me

#ACTUALLY I WOULD TOTALLY DOWNLOAD A BUTT

#everyone is gay on tumblr

#you know what appeals to me sexually? cake.

#i also took the 'are you a potato?' test and the result was inconclusive.

#abraham lincoln could tell you that story and you would make him apologise for lying to you.

#I NEED MY HEART TO LIVE

#not even that time when i picked up that hitchhiker who turned out to be dead

#It's like Being John Malkovich only SEXY

#this isn't a metaphor for sexuality it's a tag about how i'm really bad at baseball.

#look don't come to me for spiritual advice i think the impending zombie uprising will sort everything out

#this scared the lousy shit out of me

#like when your house gets too dirty so you burn it down

#tagsofthewhathaveyou #sorry if this is hella long #technically it’s under a read more #but idk if mobile kept it that way

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ladyseara · 8 years ago

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Total Eclipse of the Heart (12)

Fandom: Haikyuu!!

Part 1 of the Seasons of Love series

Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Kuroo Tetsurou/Kenma Kozume, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Kageyama Tobio/Hinata Shoyo, Bokuto Koutarou/Akaashi Keji.

Tags: Alpha/Omega AU, Mpreg, Male pregnancy, getting back together, fluff

They couldn't keep it a secret forever. Tsukishima's mother saw pregnant Yamaguchi. They knew this won't be easy, but no one said it will be this hard.

The last person Yamaguchi wanted to see right now was Tsukishima’s mother. She has never liked him. Since they were kids, she always treated him maybe not badly, but with distance, definitely coldly. She took every opportunity to show him, how insignificant his family, how much he and her son don’t match was. When they’ve told her they got mated, she was angry. She slapped Kei and then throw Yamaguchi out. She said he doesn’t belong there and he never will.

Of course, they were still together. Yamaguchi’s parents helped. Tsukishima even lived with them for a few weeks, before his mother finally gave up.

Now they knew it was only temporary.

Seeing her, in front of him, somewhere in the back of his head Yamaguchi knew that sooner or later she would find out. They wouldn’t be able to hide Aki forever. But they didn’t mean to let her know this way.

“Tsukishima-san” Yamaguchi forced to smile. “Good Morning.”

“Good?” she raised her eyebrow. “What are you doing here? And…”

She saw his bump and Yamaguchi could literally pit point the moment she connected the dots. Her face from pale turned into red in less than three seconds. She was angry. Really pissed.

“Is… is my son here?” she hissed.

“Um. Yes. He’s still in the bed but-“

He didn’t had a chance to finish his sentence. She passed him, without taking off her shoes, and stormed deeper into Kei’s apartment. Yamaguchi closed the door and took a deep breath.

This is going to end badly. He could feel that.

The last thing Tsukishima wanted during his free morning, was somebody interrupting his and Yamaguchi’s small make out. Well, at least if said person was Oikawa, he would be angry, but could live with that. But when it was his mother to drag him out of the bed, mumbling something under her nose, he knew they were in trouble.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” he asked, putting his clothes on.

“Me? What am I doing here?” she raised her voice. “Kei, you’re in trouble. I want explanation and I want it right now. What this filthy Omega is doing here?”

“I suggest you should keep your voice down” he said firmly. “First of all, Tadashi isn’t filthy. He’s my mate and you should remember that. Treat him with respect, because he’s family.”

“Tsukki, it’s fine, really. I don’t mind” Omega stood next to him, but both Tsukishimas could smell his nervousness. “Maybe I’ll make some tea? We could talk about... all of this.”

“This? Yama, it’s not ‘this’. This is us. And my mother should know about it. But yeah, tea is good. Especially for you. And you should eat something, before you got dizzy. Remember, doctor Sawamura said you should always keep balanced glucose level.”

Tsukishima gave his mother an angry look and walk to the kitchen. He prepared the tea, while trying to focus. He had to make sure his mother won’t harm Yamaguchi, both physically and mentally. Omega sat down and looked at his fingers. He didn’t want to look at his mate’s mother. To be honest, he was a little scared of her. She had strong, Alpha’s scent, now mixed with anger.

“Your tea. Drink it slowly, it’s still hot.”

“I know, Tsukki. Thank you.”

“Gross. Why are you doing this, Kei? I’ve always knew you have a good heart, but taking care of some pregnant Omega…”

“Not a ‘some pregnant Omega’, mom” Tsukishima rolled his eyes. “This is my mate. And our child.”

“Your? Omega’s for sure, but I strongly doubt the bastard is yours, Kei.”

“W-what?” Yamaguchi lifted his gaze. “I’m sorry, but are you implying that I… that me…”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I am saying. I’m sure my son is not the father. I mean… you two broke up. I’m sure Omegas felt lonely easily. You probably slept around with anybody, who showed you some pity…”

“Mother!” Tsukishima barked. “Watch your words!”

“I’m just saying the truth, Kei! Why don’t you see this?! Since the very beginning, this kid is only doing this because you’re rich. Don’t you remember, how beaten he came to our house once, because his father was drunk? How you lend him money and he never paid back.”

“I gave him money for food, mom” he said slowly. Yamaguchi remembered. That night his father beat the shit out of him and his mother. How he run to Kei’s house, covered in blood. He cried, because his mother refuse to call the police. He remembered how Tsukishima gently treated his wounds, how he bathe him and feed him. And then gave him money to buy more food and medicines for his mother. He felt stupid, because he didn’t pay back. But he wanted to, yet Tsukishima never accepted that. Hearing how his mother taking advantage of this made him sick.

“That’s what you believe in, son.”

“Thi-This is Tsukki’s child. I didn’t…” Yamaguchi felt nausea. He took a deep breath. “I wasn’t with somebody else.”

“If you’re so stubborn, we will examine the DNA, Omega.”

Tsukishima snorted.

“We’ve already know the results, mother. Aki is my son, if you like it or not.”

“Oh my god, this is even worse.”

His mother stood up and started walking around kitchen. She was clearly even madder than before. Tsukishima gently touched Yamaguchi’s back and rubbed them a little.

“Relax” he whispered. “Eat. You need to eat, Yama.”

“I feel sick, Tsukki. I can’t…”

“Okay. But take small bites, please. Remember you’re doing this not only for yourself” Alpha reminded him.

“Y-yeah. Uhm. I’ll try, Tsukki.”

“I know” his mother interrupted them again. “I’ve found the solution to this whole mess.”

“Mom, I’d like to repeat that this isn’t a mess and we don’t need any solutions. If you don’t accept this…”

“Hush, Kei. You’ve done enough. I understand you have your needs, but making this boy pregnant? And it’s too late to abort this baby.”

Yamaguchi was pale. Abort? Really? He was over eight months pregnant, how can she even think about killing his baby? He covered his bump with his arms.

“Even if it wasn’t too late, I wouldn’t harm it. And I strongly recommend you to not trying ether” Tsukishima stood up. He was shaking with anger. “How could you even talk about killing your own grandchild?!”

“This won’t be my grandchild. And keep your emotions in control, Kei. We have to think about our family social status. What do our friends say? You, a second son in lawyer’s family, carrying a strong, famous surname, being with what? An alcohol addict’s son? Over my dead body. I hope nobody knows about this.”

“Mo-“

“Don’t interrupt me, Kei. This is what we’ll do. The Omega will give birth. And then we will pay you. A lot” she emphasized. “For disappearing from our lives. I don’t care if you’ll raise the baby or give it back to adoption. Just don’t show up again.”

“I’m done. Get out. Just get out, Mom. I don’t want you to show up again in my life. Just… leave” Tsukishima gabbed his mother’s arm and dragged her towards the door.

“Wait? You’re really attached to this baby? Oh Kei, why? You can do so much better than this. Okay, if you’re gay, fine. We’ll find you a male Omega, but from better family. One of the judges has a nice son, he’s just 20, but this should be enough.”

“No, Mom, you don’t get it. I love Yamaguchi. Okay? I love him. And I love our child. This is why I won’t abandon them or pay them for leaving. No. They will stay. Stay here, with me.”

“You’re as stubborn as your father is” she sighed. “I don’t know, why both you and Akiteru took after him, really. God help us. Okay. You want to keep him? Fine. Make him your mistress. Marry a boy from a good family. Many lawyers live double lives. You can do it to. Officially with someone respectable, someone with prestige good enough for our family name. And this boy… he can be a mistress. Happy enough?” she asked, looking directly at Yamaguchi. “Kei will rent you an apartment. You can live there with your kid. Whenever you will have an urge, you can go to him. And then get back to your proper consort. We’ll kill two birds with one stone. You have the baby and this Omega, but you’ll also make your family proud.”

Yamaguchi was cold. How could she talked about this so emotionless? Such coldly, calculated vision of Tsukishima’s life, like he was an object to move him around impassively. He wanted to scream – Tsukki wasn’t a toy, he should live his own life, directed by his own decisions.

But if – if – this would be the only way to still be with him, Yamaguchi would say yes. He would become a mistress and live forever in the contempt. A thought about Tsukishima sleeping with his consort, having legimate son with somebody else – this will probably destroy him. Feeling someone else’s scent on Tsukishima everyday… Or less. Twice a week? Every weekend? Now and then? But how will Aki feel about this? Could both of them lie to him that they just don’t live together? More than anything else in this world, Yamaguchi just wanted a normal, healthy family for his baby. He should have known Tsukishima’s mother will never allowed that.

“Tsukki, this... this is…” he tried to speak, but out of a blue a wave of pain got through his body. He screamed and his cup fell on the ground. Glass broke and tea splashed on the ceramic tiles. His head got dizzy, and his legs felt numb. He could feel something wet and sticky between his legs. “Don’t” Tsukishimas mother held her son’s arm. “He’s faking this.”

“Even the bleeding?” he barked and rushed to Yamaguchi’s side. He gently hugged him. “Call the ambulance.”

“What for? I’m telling you this is…”

“CALL THE FUCKING AMBULANCE RIGHT NOW!”

The ride to the hospital was quick, but for Tsukishima it was like an eternity. Ambulance took Yamaguchi, who (maybe for better) had fainted and Tsukishima, who was about to go crazy. He held Yamaguchi’s hand in his and tried to speak to him, at the same moment he was giving as much information as possible to the paramedics. Gladly, one of them was Bokuto – a familiar face was a big help for him.

“He’s probably gone into labor” Bokuto explained, checking Yamaguchi’s pulse on monitor. “But it’s too soon.”

“I know.”

“What happened?”

“My mother happened. She… oh my god” Tsukishima kissed Omega’s fingers. There were so cold. “She made a scene.”

“Shit” Bokuto barked. “The last thing you’ve needed right now. Okay, call hospital, we have an Omega giving birth to early. We’ll need Sawamura ASAP. Takao” he said to his coworker “Make him book operating room. I have a bad feeling about this.”

Tsukishima looked up, horrified.

“What are you talking about? Bokuto-“

“Don’t panic, Tsukishima. But he’s bleeding and their pulse, I mean his and child’s, are weaker than before. Shit, Takao, have you called?”

“Yeah, they are waiting for us. Block 3C, we will park right under it.”

Suddenly, the monitor gave a short BEEP and Yamaguchi’s heart beat started to fall down dramatically. Bokuto clenched his teeth. “Hypovolemia. Shit. Shit. He’s in shock.”

„Bokuto, what-”

“Not now, Tsukishima! Okay, I need an oxygen. Come on, Yamaguchi, we’re so close. I need a 3 mg of Adenocor, right now!”

Tsukishima, despite the situation, was somehow under Bokuto’s spell. Usually this man was loud and chaotic, but now he looked like a conductor, he seemed to have everything under control. If the situation was different, Tsukishima would probably say something, maybe even praise Bokuto, but now he focused on Yamaguchi. Omega was paler than before, he looked like he was suffering. He was sweating and breathing hard.

Out of the blue, the ambulance was filled with prolonged sound.

“Fuck!” Bokuto screamed, seeing flat line on the monitor. “Takao, faster! We’re losing them!”

First of all, sorry for the long break. I had some personal issues and on the other hand this was the hardest chapter for me to write. What you’ve read is probably 6th or 7th version of it. Somehow I found it the best, I hope you’ll like it. There are only two chapter of Total Eclipse left. I hope you’ll stay with me till the end :)

#Tsukkiyama #tsukishima kei #yamaguchi tadashi #haikyuu!!#Total Eclipse #Bokuto Koutarou

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lavenderprose · 8 years ago

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Fic: As Many As Possible Squeezed In Between

Title: As Many As Possible Squeezed In Between Author(s): Lavenderprose Rating: T Summary: The Nikiforovs welcome their firstborn.

Notes: My contribution to Victuuri Week Day five, the prompt for which was ‘Domesticity’ and, specially, the Yuuri prompt which was ‘Family’. This is VERY VAGUELY omegaverse (I think the universe concepts are mentioned?? once?? aside from Mpreg of course) and is one part of something I hope to continue. It’s the first part of a longer story I hope to write about Viktor and Yuuri going from first-child jitters to fifth-child expertise.

I’m just a fucking slut for pregnancy fics ok don’t question me.

I’m also trying out a new writing style for this one so feedback before I refine it an put it on Ao3 would be great!

Looking back, Yuuri is almost certain that he gets pregnant after his third World gold.

He and Viktor fall into bed together with wine in their stomachs and laughs in their throats, and Yuuri's heat isn't due for three weeks. Viktor calls him darling and sunshine and love of my life and forgets to put on a condom in the flow of endearments and pheromones.

He announces his retirement a month and a half later, Viktor at his side. He's twenty-seven now, and though he managed to come back from an ankle injury during the Grand Prix circuit last year, he doesn't want to push his luck. Three World golds, two Grand Prix golds (and one silver) and one Olympic silver are in their cases with all of Viktor's medals, there is a sense of accomplishment draping itself over him like a warm blanket, and his husband is waiting for him to join him in his coaching endeavors.

"Competitions won't be the same without a Nikiforov to write about," says a reporter after the press conference, and the words hang in the air for almost a full thirty seconds before Yuuri realizes that he is the Nikiforov whom is being spoken to. He's still getting used to his married name even after two years.

"Ah, thank you," Yuuri says, and then very suddenly doubles over and vomits on his husband's shoes.

"Bozhe moy!" Viktor says, stepping back reflexively and then leaping forwards again to yank Yuuri back from the carpet, allowing him to retch two more times onto the hardwood. A circle forms around them, people screaming like someone has shot a gun and not simply gotten sick. Yuuri has never felt so embarrassed in his life.

"I'm so sorry," he says to the reporter, hand over his mouth. "Oh my God, I'm so—so sorry—" He feels himself gag again and looks to Viktor, beseeching.

"Bathroom?" Viktor implores of the general population of the room. "Please, my husband is very sick—"

A woman—a security guard, by her uniform—steps forward and hands Yuuri a metal wastebasket then leads them to the bathroom. Yuuri is sick once in the bucket, and then twice more over the next twenty minutes spent folded in front of the toilet, Viktor holding his hair back and making soothing noises from behind.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?" Viktor murmurs into the uneasy calm that ensues afterwards, Yuuri trying to convince himself that he's done and Viktor petting down his hair like he's the dearly departed Makkachin. Viktor hasn't yet trained their puppy well enough to convince her to sit still for long periods like Makkachin used to, just allowing Viktor to squeeze him and pet him. Yuuri has become the temporary replacement. He doesn't mind the affection right now.

"Because I was feeling fine," Yuuri mumbles. He rests his cheek on Viktor's shoulder, mouth carefully turned away from his face. "I was fine until I smelled that man's cologne—" At the mere memory of it, Yuuri gags. He scrambles to the toilet, but discovers he doesn't have anything left to throw up. Viktor's shoes make shrill noises on the tile as he adjusts himself to kneel behind Yuuri again, holding back his hair.

The door to the bathroom creaks open. Viktor's name echoes off the walls in Yurio's voice.

"In here, Yura." Viktor pulls away briefly to unlatch the stall door, and Yurio saunters in with his hair tied at the top of his head and car keys swinging from his finger, like he came straight from the gym.

"Okay then, Katsudon?" Yurio asks. His voice has deepened in the last three years, now reaching baritone. To Viktor, he poses, "Do we need to take him to the hospital?"

"I don't know," Viktor says, while Yuuri makes vehement noises of denial.

"I just want to go home," he says, miserable, cheek against the toilet seat.

"Well get your face off the toilet, Katsudon, Christ. People shit on those things."

Yuuri retches again.

"Shit," Yurio says, heartfelt, and then there are two pairs of hands trying to comfort him.

They finally make it to Yurio's car half an hour later. Yuuri has realized at some point that Viktor must have texted Yurio to come get them—he's the only person they know crazy enough to drive regularly in Saint Petersburg. Viktor likely doesn't want to subject Yuuri to the indignity of public transportation in the state he's in.

A block from their condo, Yuuri's bleary eyes focus on the corner drugstore and a spontaneous but pressing thought enters his mind. He tells Yurio to pull over and, when he does, gets out of the car without a word to sweep into the store.

Viktor follows, perplexed. "Yuuri? Are you getting sick again? I'm not sure they have a bathroom here—"

"No, I'm just—" He sighs turns into the family planning aisle. He's probably been down this aisle dozens of times, both with and without Viktor, but it feels almost like walking into another world. He completely bypasses the condoms and comes to a halt at the end of the aisle, presented with ten different options at various price points. His hand strikes out practically of his own accord and grabs the closest one.

"Yuuri?" Viktor mumbles, wide-eyed as Yuuri goes back down the aisle. "A pregnancy test? Yuuri?"

"Um—yes, yeah." Yuuri hurries past him, hoping he'll just follow and not ask questions in the middle of the drugstore.

Viktor comes up behind him at the counter as he's paying and dumps three more tests on the counter—expensive, fast-acting ones. "These too, please," he says to the bemused shopgirl, sounding strained. "I'll pay."

They get back into Yurio's car, both of them in the backseat ("I'm not your fucking chauffer, Viktor.") with the bags clutched in sweaty hands. Yurio parks in the underground structure using Viktor's code and then follows them up in the elevator, trying to look aloof even as his eyes stick unfalteringly to the back of Yuuri's head. In the apartment, Yuuri dumps all four tests on the counter and sorts through them.

"Which one?" he asks of Viktor.

"Pregnancy tests?" Yurio demands, loudly and from six inches away.

Viktor taps the white Cyrillic script on a blue box and says, "This one says it develops in one minute and it's 99% accurate."

"They all say that," Yuuri says as he grabs it and sweeps towards the bathroom, still wearing his coat. Yurio is making a sound like an overboiling kettle—impressive, considering the octave at which he now speaks.

He grabs Viktor's water cup from last night off the counter and pisses in it, dips the test in it and replaces the cap. With tests in one hand and pee cup in the other, he goes back into the kitchen and unwraps the rest of the tests.

Viktor stops him before he unwraps the last one. "Save one to take in the morning," he says. "Just to make sure."

"Okay, yeah." Yuuri dips the other two tests in, leaving one of the expensive tests Viktor bought for the morning.

"Is that your pee?" Yurio seethes.

"Yuuri, Yuuri." Viktor picks up the first test. "What do pink lines mean? Two pink lines?"

"It should say on the test." Yuuri yanks it out of Viktor's hand. It has, indeed, developed two pink lines, one fainter than the other, but definitely there. On the other end of the test, it identifies such an outcome as indicating a positive result. Yuuri drops the test on the counter and curls his fingers over his mouth. "It says I'm pregnant."

Viktor picks the test up again and pores over it as though it will speak and confirm or deny Yuuri's statement. When it doesn't, he sets it down and checks the other two tests. Two more positives; one blue plus sign and one 'YES'. He sighs and folds his hands in front of his face, sits down on one of the island stools. Nobody has taken off their coats.

Then Viktor's shoulders start shaking, face still tipped forwards into his hands. Yuuri's heart breaks on the spot, not quite able to believe that his husband is crying about this. If anyone should be crying, it should be Yuuri.

"Viktor," he says softly. "Viktor, I'm so sorry."

Viktor's head shoots up. There are indeed tears on his face, but his mouth is wide, heart-shaped, his eyebrows tilted into an expression not of sadness, but of—happiness isn't a strong enough word. It's Yuuri's first quad flip and Viktor saying I do and the words Gold medalist Yuuri Nikiforov echoing through a stadium of twelve thousand people all at once.

"Oh, Yuuri, no." Viktor shoots up from his chair and comes around the island. "Don't apologize. I'm—" He presses big hands to Yuuri's stomach. "I—am I…Yuuri, I'm…"

"You've broken him," Yurio whispers, awed.

"A papa?" Viktor whispers finally. His hands tighten into Yuuri's coat. "Yuuri, I'm going to be a papa?"

Yuuri's breath catches on the inhale. His hands clap over Viktor's, overwhelmed. All he can do is nod, slowly at first and then faster, faster until he's practically giving himself whiplash. Viktor pulls him in, arms wrapped around his waist, face going to Yuuri's neck to sob.

"Um—I should—go—" Yurio starts inching towards the door.

Yuuri strikes out a hand and grabs Yurio by his coat hood, pulling him into the circle of his and Viktor's arms. Yurio barely struggles.

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Yuuri takes the extra test in the morning, very early because Viktor told him not to pee during the night and he's absolutely bursting. This test, too, comes out positive. He returns to the bedroom to sit on Viktor's hips and show him. Viktor presses kisses to his belly and then lower, lower.

It's this test that is posted to Instagram to tell the world.

#babynikiforov is trending within hours.

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The muscles in Yuuri's back spasm suddenly, forcing him to set down his dinner plate and eject a pained, "Oh." He leans against the kitchen counter and dips his head between his shoulders, trying to work the cramp out. Aza, who's grown to be bigger than Makkachin, comes to nuzzle at his hip and Viktor follows close behind.

"Yuuri?" he asks, his large hands immediately on Yuuri's back.

"I'm fi—" The muscles in his back contract again and he cuts himself off with a groan. "Oh, oh, oh—"

"I'm calling the midwife," Viktor says, pulling away to search for his phone.

"No!" Yuuri groans. "It's fine, it's late, I don't think it's—" He cuts himself off and goes completely silent—so silent that the sound of water hitting the floor can be heard through the room. He looks down and watches it pool around his feet, pants soaked.

"Um," Viktor says from the doorway. "Should I—"

"What do you fucking think," Yuuri demands in the direction of his soaked pants.

Viktor runs somewhere unseen in the apartment, returning a moment later to rifle through the cushions on the couch. Yuuri, when he can make his legs move, shuffles over to the table and sits down, wet pants and all, hand on his distended belly. Any day now, the midwife had said last time they saw her.

"Yuuri, my love," Viktor say, poking his head into the kitchen. "I can't seem to find my phone."

Yuuri throws his own across the room.

"Thank you!"

Later, much later—when they're both fathers, and Yuuri knows what it's like to push a human life from his loins, and Viktor's pinky finger has been dislocated and relocated, and their daughter has been held by every figure skater in Saint Petersburg, and Viktor has counted her fingers and toes dozens of times, and Yuuri has introduced her to Yakov as his granddaughter and watched the old man actually weep—they will find Viktor's phone, dead as a fucking doornail, in the cup holder of the car.

In the present, Viktor uses Yuuri's phone to have a frantic conversation in Russian with their midwife—Olesya Semyonovna, a woman who's been delivering babies for longer than Yuuri's father has been alive, and who reminds Yuuri simultaneously of his sister Mari and an a particularly curmudgeony mule—and then calls what must be someone in Yuuri's family, because he's suddenly speaking in stilted Japanese.

"Sorry to be awake you," Yuuri hears him say, and thinks seriously about laughing, but he's worried that if he laughed right now it would do something, and he's determined that he isn't going to move until Olesya Semyonvna arrives and starts barking orders. "But, um—Yuuri is working. Is in working? Baby comes." He turns around and holds out the phone to Yuuri. "Your mother wants to talk to you."

Yuuri moves his arm the barest amount necessary to grab the phone and hold it up to his ear.

"Mama?" he says, softly.

"It's me, Yuu-chan," she says, her voice immediately comforting. "How's my baby boy?"

"Fine," Yuuri says, but then revises to, "Nervous. Scared. I miss you."

"You'll be fine, Yuu-chan," she says. Then, "Does Vicchan know how to make dashi?"

"Um…I think so."

"Ask him to make a pot. It will be gentle on your stomach and give you some energy. If you think you can keep it down, eat some rice with it. Keep hydrated. In the morning, I'll get on a plane and come meet my granddaughter. Okay?"

"Okay," he says. "I love you, mama."

"I love you too, Yuu-chan. Will you put your husband back on the phone?"

Yuuri does so, and Viktor and his mother talk for another few moments—making travel arrangements, Yuuri realizes from Viktor's stilted responses. Viktor spends a solid six minutes trying to convince his mother that he'll pay for her flight, and that he'll pay for Yuuri's father to come as well. He can't tell which one of them wins that particular battle of wills, but he has no doubt that Viktor will somehow find a way to keep that money leaving his mother's pocket one way or another.

Olesya Semyonovna arrives and immediately berates Viktor for letting Yuuri sit in the kitchen in his soiled pants. Viktor leaps into action, guiding Yuuri into their bedroom to help him wash off and change into a comfortable and loose pair of pajamas. Viktor holds him and rubs his sides as he winces through another contraction, then they return to the living room. Olesya Semyonovna has pushed all of the furniture against the walls and spread out a deflated birthing pool in the middle of the room.

"Viktor Konstantinovich," she says, handing him a bright purple bucket, "Bring me water."

Over the next half an hour, Viktor alternates between filling the pool and monitoring the dashi, while Olesya Semyonovna sets up her equipment and mumbles to herself in vaguely-perturbed sounding Russian. Yuuri rocks through two contractions on the sofa, breaths slow and hitching.

"Yuuri Nikiforov," she says to him, using his full name for lack of a patronymic, "Take pants off, get in pool."

Yuuri does so, and immediately takes up residence against the edge of the pool with arms folded on the edge and knees under his belly, rocking back and forth with the water. He drinks the soup Viktor brings him and listens to his husband and midwife mumble back and forth in Russian. The lights are dimmed and he manages to doze for awhile, holding Viktor's hand over the edge of the pool and listening to the low music someone has turned on in the other room.

Their daughter is born early the next morning.

"What will you name her?" Olesya Semyonovna inquires, handing her to Yuuri once both of them are finally clean and in fresh clothing, Yuuri laying exhausted in the center of his and Viktor's bed. Viktor is still wandering back and forth between the living room and bathroom, carrying bucketfulls of soiled water and still wearing the wet clothing he's been in all night.

"Viktor," he calls softly.

His husband immediately changes direction, hurrying to his side. There are bruise-colored bags under his eyes to match Yuuri's and two of his fingers are splinted together, which Yuuri is beginning to feel bad about now that he doesn't feel like he's being torn apart.

"What is it, darling?" Viktor asks. His hand traces the curve of their daughter's head, still in awe. "What do you need?"

"Our daughter needs a name," Yuuri murmurs, brushing back her wisps of black hair. She has his eyes, and Viktor's heart-shaped mouth.

"Yes, she does," he says softly. "Is it the one we agreed on?"

"I think so."

Viktor's eyes don't waver from their daughter when he says, "Irina. Irina Viktorovna Nikiforova.

#Victuuriweek #Victuuri #Viktuuri #Viktor Nikiforov #Katsuki Yuuri #Maggie's fic #Yuuri Prompt #Day Five #Fic

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