#the dongfish

[tehamelie]

Reminder:

[official-penis-posts]

Official The Horngus of a Dongfish is Attached by a Scungle to a Kind of Dillsack (the Nutte Sac) Post

[shutupandplayasong]

Sometimes I think about that fic I read where instead it of being labeled "tomark" it was labeled "delongus"

[ohmyplasticstars]

I have this little creature species I made I like to call Ancilla and uh

They're little parasitic human like creatures that live inside other animals and use them like snail shells

The way they're born is when two ancilla breed they make one very premature baby and then they grab some near by pregnant animal

Usually keeping one before hand, or finding one randomly if they're inexperienced at making kids, or making that animal pregnant by mating it to another animal

And then they take the pregnant animal and shove their premature fetus into it's womb

And the two fetuses will fuse and make one creature

They can basically use any animal as their host,

Bird, bugs, animals, fish, HUMANS

And they always poke out through the mouth, but if there's not enough room for the torso they'll remove the head to make more room and they usually reflect the features of whatever animal they inhabit

So I made some sacabambaspis ancilla

And a dongfish one

They're not very big insize, they'rearound half as big as whatever animal they inhabit

So these little guys and real little guys fr

Anyway time to make them gay or something

CREATURE YAOI BEAM NYOOOM

[toothpaste-for-the-skin]

Oc-tober day 11 lol:

The title of this was originally supposed to be smth like “The Birth of Hoover” as a funny thing but I don’t think this had enough effort to make that joke 💀

[optimisticabomination]

wait, i knew the image was fake, but no one was gonna tell me it was on the wikipedia page for Aristotle??

[azurine-cryptid]

everyso often i think of the dongfish and its dillsack

[italianarsonist]

Every once in a while, I remembered this image exists

[millionmovieproject]

[gorillahaut]

[ravenleii]

I’m convinced tumblr wrote this pfish’s description and you absolutely cannot prove me otherwise.

[awful-amateur]

FUCK YOU /lhj

Hey guess what tictac

W h a t? 🙃🥳

[epprbcu]

Dongfish

you know what? screw you get fact-checked. thans to snopes.com

- 🧱

[thepartyponies]

no one:

me: …

me: the horngus of a dongfish is attached by a scungle to a kind of dillsack (the nutte sac)

[nuttytani]

My manager is a total grandpa but he can kick some ass?

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Pairing: Tartaglia | Childe x Zhongli

Premise: Ajax is a popular idol named Tartaglia and is known to be a bratty prince and hard to work with, or so they say. His agency has hired him a new manager, since his previous one quit, yet again!

A/N: heavily inspired by that one dongfish art here and here. I mean not 100% but you'll know it once you see it. But what actually made me write an idol au was because of this IU clip here

Fic can also be read here on my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51099172/chapters/129105334

Chapter 1

Being famous and infamous was a pain in the ass, Ajax Turov decides, flicking through the manila folder handed to him by Rosaline. 

Sure, he had his wealth, fame and popularity, but it never really was enough for the prying public. See, thanks to the press and his past managers, internationally-famous solo idol Tartaglia had earned the nickname Childe.

A bratty prince.

Seriously. Was it his fault they were so incompetent? His previous one had just stormed from the company building a small handful of days earlier after receiving an admittedly harsh scolding from the idol himself for failing to pick him up on time. Which meant the variety show he had been scheduled to participate in had cut him out completely.

The lack of compassion of his ex-managers. He was busy enough as it was—he didn't need the added stress from the failure of his managers added to that mess of a soup. 

Rosaline had heard about that incident that occurred a few days ago, and called Ajax to her office. She was in a bad mood, he could tell that much from the tone of her voice and furrowed brows. Though, she always had a resting bitch face, but today in particular she looked livid, like a witch waiting to boil him in a cauldron. 

“Thanks to your outstanding behaviour, yet another manager has quit! We’ve barely reached the end of this year and it’s already the 11th time now.” She stared at him, clearly unimpressed by the downward turn of her lips. 

“You should be thankful that we managed to find a new person within a short time, and don’t you dare scare this one off, or there will be consequences.”

“He will start tomorrow, 8 am sharp.” She dismissed him with a wave of her hand and he left her office feeling pretty annoyed.

Now that he’s back in his break room, on the stuffy couch, he sulks, still going through the folder. It really isn’t his fault. Perhaps his agency hires the worst people on purpose. Few mistakes are human, but it’s more than a coincidence when multiple managers make the same mistake hundreds of times. He doesn’t want to blow up at his managers, no one deserves unjust anger but, he also has a limit. Why shouldn’t he be upset? He has more than the right to when it starts affecting his career that he built with literal tears and sweat. 

A small picture of a man catches his attention, as he flipped through the pages. A brunet with long hair tied to the back, beige coloured gingham cardigan. Typical.  Amber eyes hidden behind chunky black rimmed glasses. Grandpa-esque, even his granny doesn’t wear these old styled glasses anymore. 

Nerd. They hired a stereotypical nerd for him, he concludes.

.

“Please give me your phone for a moment.” 

Ajax found out that he really didn’t like the new manager. He talked like a grandpa, would text like a grandpa and even wear clothes like a grandpa. Not to mention, he was a total nerd and annoying as hell. A control freak who thought everything he did was right and what Ajax did was wrong. 

“Fine, but let me get some fresh air first.”

“But your–”

He left before his manager… What was his name again? Zongzi ? Well whatever, he left.

What Ajax really needs is a smoke break. He is under stress with all the shit that’s been happening, especially with how the paparazzi is on his back about hiring yet another manager. Then there’s this new drama that he got a part in, and is supposed to play as the second love interest, it’s been taking a huge chunk of his energy. Even though his screen time is short, he still needs to put in the effort to show that yes, he can act, and he is worthy of the role he received. 

He takes a puff of the cigarette and thinks for a moment. 

Perhaps entering the entertainment industry was a mistake, but he would still do this all over again especially if it helped his family in terms of finance. Before Ajax started earning in heaps, they weren’t doing so well. His dad would take up multiple jobs to make ends meet and his mom would work overtime and come back home later than normal. 

He takes another puff and closes his eyes. Letting his muscles relax as they were too tense throughout the day. 

“Ohoho, well isn’t this the number one Tartaglia, in the flesh.” 

Ah shit. He was too lost in thoughts to hear people sneaking up on him. 

“Hey pretty boy, don’t be scared. We just want to…Talk with you.” A stranger comes closer, way too close for comfort and smiles creepily. 

“That’s right, no need to panic.”

“Can’t believe we got lucky enough to meet with the real deal. Wanna taste him boys?” one of them cackles and looks him up and down. 

It sends shivers down his back, man, he just wanted to smoke but he gets harassed by perverts instead. Disgusting. Talk, yeah right, as if he buys it. 

Ajax drops his cigarette to the ground and someone behind him breathes down his neck. “Why so quiet? Now, don’t be a snobby bitch.” The man behind him tries to grab his shoulders.

Alright, that’s it, someone better get ready to receive an elbow in 3, 2–

“AAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!”

There’s a crack, followed by a loud scream and then a thud. Ajax is rooted to the spot but he still tries to turn around and see his– manager? and that weirdo below his foot too. Huh. 

The rest of the gang quirk up, “who the fuck are you? Tsk, pretty boy brought a bodyguard ay?” 

“Let’s shake the fella up real good haha!” The larger man from the group, probably the leader, runs towards the bodyguard (since when?) and tries to land a punch on him except his manager catches it and twists the arm of the burly man with such ease, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Was this really his nerdy as hell grandpa manager? The fuck? This was lowkey hot. 

The burly man is quickly pinned down and receives a bruising punch right under the jaw.

“Scram, now.” Amber eyes looked straight at the group with a dangerous glint. Though the glare was not directed at him, it still made the hairs on his arms stand. 

The threat however, was more than enough for the rest of the creeps to scramble and run like crazy while letting out horrified screams, but that’s not really important. 

Ajax had no idea that his nerdy manager could do that. The man in question looked like a totally different person as he dusted his hands and wiped his glasses that had blood splatters. The glasses…had blood splatters! He punched the creep so hard that it broke skin.

While he was still wrapping his head around whatever that just happened, his manager looked at him with concern and asked him in a voice so low, he could have mistaken it as the wind blowing. “Are you alright, Ajax?” His manager comes closer to him

“Yeah…Thanks errr–” he takes a quick peek at the ID hanging around the other man’s neck “ – Zhongli. Though I was going to elbow ‘em anyway.”

Zhongli raises an eyebrow at that, as if skeptical of Ajax’s fighting skill, but nods anyway and takes off his beige cardigan. “Here, take this. It’s a bit chilly here. Come back inside when you’re done taking a break. I���ll wait here,” he says and takes a seat at the bench nearby. 

Ajax pulls the cardigan on and thinks just maybe his manager isn’t THAT bad after all. Tiny bit less grandpa than before but that doesn’t excuse his “all knowing” personality. 

He huffs and breathes in the scent of the warm cardigan. 

“It’s warm….” Ajax mutters and breathes in the scent of the cardigan. 

.

Ajax Turov, was just like any other senior year high schooler. On the way back home, or more like while wandering around town, wasting time while going back home, he was stopped by a random man. Saying that he had a pretty face and good proportions, gave him his contact details and rambled about how Ajax should participate in the show called the Abyss; an idol survival

He scoffed at it at first, why would he take part in this stupid show, but as he talked about it with his other siblings, they encouraged him to ring up the scout. 

“You’ll get good money just for being on the show!” His elder sister smiled at him excitedly and looked at the other brothers as if urging them to convince him.

“Why not, it’ll be a new experience, and who knows you might become a big shot”

“Our Ajax? A big shot? Ha!”

Ajax Turov took up the offer soon enough.

The show lasted for 3 months and he came out on top. No one expected the redhead, with no prior vocal or dance training to last this long and clear the show with such finesse. Thanks to it, he gained a mass following amongst the media and people loved him. They wanted more of this charming newbie. 

Multiple idol agencies reached out to him, but he decided to choose Fatui Entertainment (since he knew a few of his distant relatives worked there and heard that it was a decent company).

This is how he came to be known as the soloist idol, Tartaglia and within 2 years his popularity skyrocketed becoming the number one idol in Teyvat. Putting the famed Barbara from Mondstadt to shame.

His songs hit the billboard, becoming an international sensation. The boy was an all rounder, from singing, dancing, acting, he nailed it all. So many directors and CEOs from other idol agencies begged on their knees to Fatui Entertainment to have him exchanged. Money was involved, apparently but not much is known. Obviously, the offers were rejected. Instead, the idol Tartaglia participated in many variety shows, runways and dramas. His face was on everything and anything. Kids toys? Check. Perfumes? Check. Sunglasses? Check. Restaurants? Check. The list went on. 

He was basically the next big thing and his agency knew it, and took advantage of it. He is and will be the hottest idol in town from now on and they were ecstatic to have such a rare gem in the palm of their hands. 

But with popularity, there’s a mixture of good and bad press. In the entertainment industry, he got nicknamed as “Childe” due to his bratty personality, or so they claimed. 

“He treats us like shit”

“We don’t exist to him, he’s just a bratty prince who thinks we’re at his beck and call”

“Even those arrogant fictional CEOs are better than him”

“Once, he made me go back to starbucks and get him a new coffee, ‘cuz I couldn’t get his order right”

“Pshhh seriously? That’s nothing. He got pissed at me for being late to pick him up or something. It wasn't even that late”

The alleged ex-staff who worked for him, spread rumours about the idol Tartaglia being high maintenance and badly treating the workers for absolutely no reason. Said that he was an asshole through and through.

Those rumours were quick to disappear thanks to his die hard fans and his agency working behind the scenes to actually show real interactions that the idol Tartaglia would have with his real staff. Which was the complete opposite of how the haters painted it as. Unfortunately, once a rumour goes around it never truly dies down. People were wary of him and hardly any good managers would take the job for him. Those who did were broke, depressed and desperately needed the money and even the slightest of reprimands would have them quitting. 

Zhongli was also one of those broke people who desperately needed a job, freshly graduating university didn’t guarantee him a stable job even with his excellent grades and good words from professors. So he took the job as Tartaglia’s manager, since no one else was willing to. How bad could it be? 

.

“M’kay, that’s enough break time. Let’s go Mr. Zhongli.”

“Of course. Please, keep the cardigan, you seem to be cold.”

“Thanks, by the way, what type of detergent do you use? It smells kinda nice.”

“Hmm… I’ll have to go back home and check, though I’m pretty sure it's actually silk flowers.”

“Ohhhhh– fancy smanshy.”

some notes: zongzi- is a traditional Chinese rice dish made of glutinous rice stuffed with different fillings and wrapped in bamboo leaves (you'll see foods similar to zongzi in other cultures, some of you may recognise this as chimaki as it is called in Japanese cuisine).

So, I'm definitely planning to continue this, though updates may be irregular since it's currently exam season for me. Anyways come fangirl with me about these guys on my twitter or ao3!! Super obsessed with them and I hope this "phase" never ends. I still have so many more ideas and things that I want to share so let's hope they keep coming!

[gay-plague-doctor]

I drew the dongfish (don’t judge my handwriting)