#the disability doesn't help either but when has she ever

[majicmarker]

just ran the numbers and i am very much strapped for cash and will be for the foreseeable future (barring some miraculous sudden windfall, which, not hedging my bets on that, so—)

with the new year ominously around the corner, i'm offering tarot readings for some insight into your year ahead:

$20 for a two-card check-in (want vs. need)

$45 for a basic four-card spread (the issue at hand + past/present/future influences and guidance)

$60 for an issue-specific spread (love, career, dream interpretation if you're into that, etc.)

$100 for the celtic cross (if you INSIST)

also!:

editing services (rate dependent on the project—DM me if you have anything in the works, and we can chat more. my experience ranges from résumés to fiction manuscripts in any and all stages of development. if you're indie publishing, i can also provide back cover text, taglines, and optimized search keywords for amazon.)

or, if you feel like just Giving Me Money but you want to give less than the aforementioned rates, here's my ko-fi.

(you can also buy my books! that money just takes a hot minute to actually get to me, so as much as my creative integrity would prefer this route... yk how it is.)

[norris55s]

the great war - max verstappen

mercedes driver schumacher reader x max verstappen social media au (set from 2021 and beyond)

a/n: this was a ride lol and it took me forever but i liked my own idea and i hope its kinda good :) fc is sydney sweeney

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France, 2021.

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Austria, 2021

f1news

f1news: It seems that the Hamilton-Verstappen rivalry doesn't end with them, with the hostility between Y/N Schumacher and Max Verstappen amping up despite their childhood friendship. They are reportedly not on speaking terms after Verstappen's aggressive move on Schumacher to take the lead in the French Grand Prix that ended in her DNF. She is now reported to be on her Mercedes' side, hoping for her teammates eighth title, instead of her initial neutral stance.

ferrarilove: are we going through brocedes without them even fighting each other for the championship

leclercnorris: i can't believe a championship battle will take another pair of childhood best friends

sebvettelchamp: once again childhood best friends to platonic soulmates to enemies to strangers when will this end

hamiltonszn: as she should

hearteyesnorris: this season has more drama than i would've ever hoped for

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Great Britain, 2021

f1news:

f1news: Lewis Hamilton's teammate was not happy with his celebrations after the Silverstone Grand Prix, with Y/N Schumacher avoiding Mercedes' over the top win party even with her podium finish. She is very upset about it, considering Max Verstappen was in the hospital after the impact of the first-lap collision, where she was reportedly seen.

maxv33rstappen: At least someone has a moral backbone in that team.

scuderialewis: lmao she's such a double faced bitch

carlandofate: it's getting rowdy

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Belgium, 2021

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Italy, 2021

f1news

f1news: Max Verstappen and Y/N Schumacher arrive to the Monza paddock together, with a reconciliation evident after the Silverstone crash fiasco.

schumi33: WE WON

ynbabygirl: not a mercedes civil war brewing instead

f1news

f1news: In response to Y/N's statements about the Monza crash, Max said: "It was an unfortunate racing incident, not something I wanted to happen."

verstappensainz: they were JUST doing better i can't

checosakhir: what's worse the downfall of the mercedes power duo or the downfall of schumacherstappen

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Turkey, 2021

f1news

f1news: Turkey marks Y/N Schumacher's first win of the season. Max Verstappen congratulates her with a hug.

ricciardoheart: lewis' face at the hug was priceless

gaslyyyy: how about toto? lmfao

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United States, 2021

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Mexico, 2021

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Brazil, 2021

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Abu Dhabi, 2021

f1news

f1news: Y/N Schumacher on who she wishes will win the championship this weekend: "I'll be happy either way. So much has been made personal and it's not. When I realized that I was much happier and I have enjoyed the season and this titan battle more than ever. This isn't my battle, but they're both really good friends and I appreciate that too much to risk it. However, as Lewis' teammate I will do whatever I can to help."

y/nschumacher

y/nschumacher: It was a tough season with lots of mixed emotions. I'm so grateful for the team, and so proud of their Constructor's Championship. For now all I want to say is congratulations to lewishamilton for an incredible season; we will get you the eighth. And congratulations maxverstappen33! I have seen how hard you've worked for this dream, and now you're living it.

comments have been disabled

f1news

f1news: Y/N Schumacher seen at Max Verstappen's championship after party.

lewiswonder: oh she deserves a place in hell

formuladutch: orange army we move for her

schumacherstar: the death threats are gonna get so bad... jesus

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New Year's Eve, 2022

f1waggossip

f1waggossip: As if 2021 didn't have enough drama, we are starting off 2022 with a bang as Max and Y/N were spotted sharing a New Year's Eve kiss.

hamiltonteam44: no wonder the dumb bitch was so eager to see crashstappen win

lhfourtyfour: never beating the wh0re allegations!

schumacherprincess: so hateful and misogynistic. maybe listen to lewis' position on feminism once?

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2022

f1waggossip

f1waggossip: Despite being constantly asked about the nature of their relationship, Max Verstappen and Y/N Schumacher have refused to answer questions on the topic, focusing on the 2022 season as Red Bull and Mercedes struggle in the beginning of it. However, they are constantly seen outside of races, continuing to fuel rumors.

norrizzz: what do y'all want them to say lol they're probably fearing for their lives

schumachersiblings: for whatever its worth its cute lol

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2023

f1waggosip

f1waggossip: The secret everyone already knew is out. The Schumacherstappen relationship is confirmed with a very public kiss, after Max won his third world championship in Qatar.

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2024

y/nschumacher

y/nschumacher: Lewis, it has been the honor of a lifetime to race alongside you as your teammate. You have supported me from the moment you met me, raising me up when you rose up. Every part of me that is any good at racing has learnt it from you. I'm eternally grateful, and I wish you all the best in your new, red adventure. Don't ever forget your girl in black and green. Let's enjoy 2024!

lewishamilton: Love you, kid.

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2025

y/nschumacher

y/nschumacher: I vowed I would always be yours if we survived the great war. And then we became teammates four years later. I love you, Max. I can't wait to beat a four time world champion in equal machinery.

maxverstappen1: I love you. Always have.

[trans-androgyne]

Hello, if you have time in really confused on something and was reccomended messaging you

I'm fairly new to Tumblr, I've only been on here a year and a term I've been newly introduced to is transandrophobia and I'm really very confused. I'm getting a solid mix of people saying it's a thing and people saying it's not and I keep trying to look it up but it's just people arguing with each other

I'm just. Very confused. Please help

Thank you

Of course, happy to help. Transandrophobia is the system of oppression that targets trans men and transmasculine people. Most people use it to mean the intersection of transphobia and sexism that primarily affects trans men and mascs--by sexism, I mean both misogyny and antimasculinism. Examples include the "Irreversible Damage" narrative that paints us as delusional little girls too dumb to know what's good for us and our bodies (misogyny), and the way testosterone is demonized and trans men/mascs are encouraged to stay off it even by other queer and trans people (antimasculinism).

The biggest issue people take with it is that they don't think sexism affects men or that they can have any unique experiences ("trans men can't be oppressed for being men"). This is a misunderstanding of both sexism and intersectionality. If you look up sexism anywhere, just about every definition will clarify that it usually affects women but can also target men. And basic intersectionality is that all of our identities--including race, gender, transness, disability, and everything else--all interact to create a unique experience with privilege and oppression. People will claim that intersectionality exclusively means two systems of oppression (like misogyny and racism) intersecting, but that is most certainly not how I was taught it in college. None of this is to say that men are generally oppressed for their gender, it just means that trans men and mascs can and do in fact have experiences specific to them--manhood/masculinity is not the "default" experience, as there is no default human experience.

There are a couple even less valid issues people take with the term. They'll say that, unlike trans women, trans men and mascs "just don't need" a word to describe their oppression, that we're just trying to copy from "transmisogyny" and our oppression is either "just transphobia" or "just misogyny." This is a very silly argument. It is both transphobia and misogyny, interacting. When my doctors misgender me to be misogynistic towards me, that is both. That is transandrophobia. The woman who coined the term transmisogyny states that trans men and transmascs may require "additional language" to talk about our issues, so she doesn't even agree with these people. Folks will also attack the makeup of the term, saying "transandrophobia can't exist because androphobia doesn't exist." This misunderstands how words work; it's like saying "homophobia can't exist because I'm not 'afraid of things that are the same.'" Also, androphobia (the literal fear of men) does exist, but it's not really what we're talking about. Additionally, people will claim trans men and mascs are using this term to try to say that trans women oppress us. This is just blatantly false; nobody notable in the conversation has ever claimed anything close to that, and the few individuals who have said something like that are immediately shut down as terfy/bigoted.

I apologize for the length, but I hope that helped break down what the term means and why people have issues with it. I didn't really include examples for length reasons, but I would be happy to share more or answer any other questions you have. Thank you for seeking an understanding of the term.

[lover-of-skellies]

Rambles about heavy subjects under the cut

So uhhhhhh

I never thought I'd have to make a post like this, because it just feels weird and I'm not sure what to do or how to phrase things, but

My grandpa died yesterday. I wasn't there when my mom received the call from the hospital, I just heard about it from my sister. My sister and I were never really all that close with him because of some issues within the family, and our mom wasn't too close with him for a while either, but she'd made amends with him. She'd go see him, pick him up for holiday dinners and gatherings so he could be with us and be a part of the family again, and then she'd take him home. He was a diabetic, so she'd even taken on reminding him to take his meds and things, whenever he was with us. I can't tell you how many times she went to the little bar where he liked to go sing karaoke every Tuesday night (I believe. I think it was Tuesday, but it could've been another day of the week, too)

Even though my sister and I weren't really ever close with him, he meant practically the world to our mom. She's been talking to some people, since he didn't have a will or anything written up. His passing was sudden and unexpected, so now everyone's scrambling to figure out the details for what to do with him

We don't have a lot of money. Sometimes it's hard scraping by, as is. My mom works at a hospital, my sister started working at a pet store, and I'm fighting with the social security people to try getting disability. I've been denied probably 3 times already, but I'm still trying my hardest to get through to them

The cheapest option for funeral stuff for my grandpa is cremation, but even then, that's $3000. We don't have that kind of money. His girlfriend's pastor chipped in maybe $500, I think, but beyond that, I'm not sure. I feel like I need to do something to help this situation, since my mom absolutely doesn't need this financial issue on her shoulders. She has a lot to worry about already as things currently stand, and I feel bad that I can't do more for her, but. All I can do is this. Making a post, rambling about the situation, and maybe asking if people could consider donating a little to my Ko-Fi

Donations would help a lot tbh, and I think my current donation goal was set to like... $200 - $250, something like that, but. It's a start. There are some things in my shop you can buy, I'm gonna try to add more soon, and I have commissions open, even though I haven't drawn in ages

I feel really icky about doing this and asking for donations, because I know that for a lot of us, money is tight, and I understand that things aren't cheap anymore. $300 used to get you a heaping cart of groceries that'd last a while, but now, it barely covers enough to last 2 weeks

I.... don't really know how to finish this post off, or how to properly close it, so. Again, donations would be greatly appreciated and it'd help a lot, and I'd be so, so grateful for every cent of it. It's not an obligatory thing by any means. You don't HAVE to donate, and if you can't afford to, I completely understand

[deramin2]

Essek constantly gushing about his partner but pointedly not giving his name hits me so hard in the feels.

Two formative childhood experiences for me:

ONE

I was severely, mercilessly bullied as a child at every school I went to even if they're was no overlap of kids, and authority figures either ignored me or directly told me it was my fault. I was socially toxic. Any other kid who publicly associated with me was also targeted for harassment. I was best friends with a girl around the corner but because I was a couple years younger (in itself an invitation for bullying) and a parish, we could never let anyone know we were friends.

I've been told I should be upset at her for this, but it wasn't her fault. It was the other children who made it a fact that she would be harmed by publicly being my friend. She didn't make those rules, we were both just honest that it existed and there was nothing we could do to change that. The best we could do to survive was at least protect her. And that benefited me by actually having a friend.

So if we talked about each other it was"my friend." No names. No acknowledging we knew each other in public. No introductions to other friends. Keeping that divide up was necessary to survival. I had a couple friends on the same freak level as we and we were in fact targeted with additional harassment to get to the other person. It was a legitimate threat to live with. At some point I just stopped thinking it was ever necessary to reveal who my friends or family are unless it's both explicitly relevant and necessary.

TWO

I learned to use the internet in the late 1990s when anonymity was considered a best practice. Don't give out your age, sex, location, or other identifying information. You don't know who is on the other side of that screen or what they will do to you if they know. Sperate your online and offline worlds to protect yourself.

This helped reinforce experience one because clearly adults also acted like those kids and this just normal human behavior no one will ever put a stop to that you need to be on guard for at all times. Build in air gaps so if one of you is compromised it's harder for the perpetrator to get to other people you care about. Defending them through anonymity is a way of showing you love them.

Also since some family are searchable through have state government jobs that right-wing nut jobs chips target them for, I wanted to make sure they couldn't be connected to me as a queer trans disabled person active online. In case something I said led to them being targeted.

(This is correct advice, even though it flies in the face of modern online conventions. There are tons of malicious people on three internet who will target you and anyone you love if they decide to hurt you.)

RESULT

By default, I refer to people by their relationship to me, not their name. My friend, my partner, my parent, my family, someone I know, etc. Often I avoid gendering them to make it even harder to identify them. I have to consciously consider if the person I'm talking to has any reason to know my associate's name. Blacklist everyone, then whitelist exceptions.

I do this even if both people know each other because the specific association feels dangerous. Better to be viewed as acquaintances than a meaningful relationship that changes how either of us could be viewed. It's not even really a judgement on thinking the person is untrustworthy, I just don't want to spend any extra energy thinking about it. It doesn't even feel relevant because my relationship to this person fellas like it conveys more information that actually matters.

ESSEK

Essek knows both he and Caleb are being targeted by powerful people who have shown they will target loved ones to get to them. Additionally, tensions between the Empire and Dynasty are still high and it could very easily compromise how their own sides view them if it's known that they're romantically entangled with someone from the other side. It could also blow each other's cover and make their meeting places more vulnerable to attack. Especially if their enemies know they could hit both of them at once.

It's genuinely dangerous for their connection to be known, so they don't name names. It's not even a matter of whether Bell's Hells would intentionally misuse that information, but what they also could just let slip to the wrong person. It's not really worth the risk when "my partner" is all the information they actually need to understand him.

My guess is that Essek said "Bren" is hiss partner because they already know a Bren sent them to Astrid. And since Caleb no longer uses the name Bren it would be much harder to connect them. It would have caused more questions, more prying, and more risk to give no name for his partner when directly pressed. So he gives a truthful but less dangerous answer. The anonymity is an act of love.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for telling my mom to either go to therapy or shut up + possibly blowing an airhorn or something in response?

(the airhorn thing is like 80% a joke)

We've had a long string of bad events happen in the last few years. And when I say "we" I mean WE. Each of these things have affected both of us. I don't want to go into too much detail for privacy reasons, but it has been 5 solid years (so far) of bad events.

I won't sugarcoat it. Shit's definitely fucked. And I don't blame my mom for being negatively affected by it all. HOWEVER it does not help the situation to constantly complain about it. My mom has been progressively complaining more and more about how miserable she is to the point where I honestly do not remember the last time we had a day without her complaining about being miserable. (Yes, this includes holidays and both of our birthdays, which I've tried to make holidays and her birthday as good as possible for her, yet she complained about everything I DIDN'T do)

That in itself is irritating, but I could let it slide if we were both putting in equal effort. But in the past 4.5 years, I have been the only one working. It's not the best job (retail) but it's better than nothing and I at least make some money. My mom gets disability, which is not much, plus she gambles and sometimes wins, but not much. She pays for food and gas when she can, but 90% it is out of my pocket. She has not been looking for a job. (she herself said she could get a job as long as it's under a certain amount of hours so she doesn't lose benefits or she could work under the table and explicitly said she planned on doing so and then just...didn't) My job has been cutting all of our hours and the job hunt is not going well, so I make about $150 a week.

Now, I try very VERY hard not to complain about any of this. Especially since I was telling my mom about my days at work for a while and while I honestly thought I was just recalling my day, she pointed out to me that I was constantly complaining about everything and didn't have anything positive or neutral to say. I listened to what she said and ever since, I have been very conscious about not complaining about work. Now I only talk about my job if I have a specific question about something that I want to talk to her about or if something unusual happened, but I make sure it is only positive or neutral. (One time, a customer brought in an iguana. I don't work in a pet store. I told my mom about it.)

However, my mom is still complaining regularly about how miserable she is, yet isn't doing anything to help herself. (from what I can tell) She has progressively complained more and more to the point where she hasn't gone a single day in 2 months without saying how miserable she is.

It's irritating and exhausting to be around. I have asked her multiple times to please try not to complain as much and I take every opportunity I can to be away from her (covering shifts at work, going out with my friend, etc) but every time I'm near her, she's either sleeping or awake and complaining. I've just about had it. I don't know how else to convince her to stop complaining. I regularly have earbuds in just to give the appearance that I'm listening to something just so she doesn't complain to me as much. Even this doesn't work, as she then started poking me to get my attention just to get me to take out my earbud to hear her complain.

At this point, blowing an airhorn whenever she complains seems to be the only thing that might work.

[kalpeavaris]

Crack AU idea; All Active and Latent/Dormant possessors of the Absolute Solver are all connected to a Discord-like Server

Oh my god that'd be the most CHAOTIC discord server ever-

hold up lemme cook chat.

I'll show my findings with the help of memes I saved on my pinterest because I fucking LOVe the idea of all solver users being on a mind... mind server???

also fun fact I have a pinterest board for the Solver Quartett (basically a crack AU in which Doll, Tessa, Cyn, the AS and Uzi are all in Uzi's OS LMAO) where I save funny chats I think would suit their conversations: https://de.pinterest.com/jucin_nephilim/solver-quartett/

The AS would just spam the entire time to piss off the rest of the group, send the most random things, GIFs and video links. Also all it talks about is world domination, being hungry and bows. It would post awkward images of Uzi it took when she didn't watch LMAO

You'd go about your day and BAM, the Solver sends you the most fucked up meme you'll ever see in your life without context. Imagine being a Solver User, thinking it's over because Uzi contained the AS, nope think again here's 20 images of a funny looking cat with a gun

Nori working on her new body? You hear her scream "shut the fuck up" from her room as the Solver sends her yet this shit:

--

Doll sends people russian doomer memes. Simply just that. She doesn't communicate with anyone besides Tessa, the others just get memes. Or blocked. Also she gives everyone thumbs down reactions. If you bother he she'll just respond with this image:

--

Tessa either shows people dog images or memes. No inbetween. Also puts heart reactions @ everyone. Everyone likes her (except the Solver, who just sends her back something vile in response because it sucks).

Tessa's internal POV:

--

Cyn's mostly quiet most of the time, she has anything disabled and just vibes. demure and mindful. but if she comes online prepare for the most out of context meme ever before she leaves again without explanation.

--

Then there's Uzi who's just a whole menance because she's the overlord in their little server

[joykai]

Maxley Fanfic idea

Okay so people are actually interested in my ideas it seems lol so I'm gonna write it here for any writers who wanna use it as a plot <3 (plz credit me if you write this and if you have any questions about the plot DM me <3)

.

.

.

Okay so It's a Spy/Agent x Assasin story

Bradley comes from a line of assassins and Max became a spy because he worked his ass off after his mom was killed in a gang altercation (she was just around the area and got caught in the crossfire). Max wanted to become a cop or something in law enforcement to help people so this wouldn't happen to anyone else and to bring the fuckers who killed his mom down. He ended up getting noticed by the ICA (Yes from the game Hitman) and got recruited.

Bradley's dad is a leader of a network of assassins but works as a CEO for some big company that sells security (that's how he breaks into stuff because basically everyone buys from him and he can disable stuff). Max get's put on the uppercrust case and he finds this one personal because he is investigating if they have any ties to the gang that killed his mom.

Important to note that Max's has a strict no killing rule, he doesn't want to be as bad as the guys he takes down. His job is to take the guys and bring them back to the ICA to get punished accordingly.

He decides that his best bet is to tail the son of Mr Uppercrust himself...Bradley. He goes undercover as an intern for Mr Uppercrust and becomes very close to Bradley. He is certain that Bradley has nothing to do with it so now he's in a situation that he is an Agent to sent to take down the father of the guy he's friends with (the guy he loves). He hides his identity from Bradley and Bradley hides his from Max. Max ends up on another case unrelated meanwhile to raid a gang hide out and he gets cornered and is in a bit of a pickle when one of the guys falls down clutching his neck. Something moves in the shadows and suddenly a figure comes out and takes down the men. It's bradley, Bradley explains everything to Max and they have a "I have to take you in" moment. Bradley explains how he can't let that happen and how he was forced into this role, how he never wanted this life for himself and just wanted to be normal. Max opens up about how his mother died and how the ICA believe that Bradley's dad is working with the gang and he has to take down everyone. Bradley has a moment of clarity and promises to help Max take down his father by being an inside man.

Bradley turns himself in and is working for the ICA (If he helps take down the gang he gets full immunity and a possible spot on the team but if he betrays them he gets either a bullet in the head or a longer sentence than everyone else involved).

Eventually Bradley's dad catches wiff of what's going on (Someone from the ICA was actually working for the uppercrust family to add some angst make it someone Max trusted or somone that bradley had a bad feeling about since day one but couldn't put his finger on it). Mr Uppercrust kidnaps Max and Bradley and as punishment forces Max to watch as he beats the ever loving shit out of Bradley and throws him off a cliff before knocking Max out and Leaving him there.

Max is found by some ICA members and turns out they imprisoned the traitor and kept him in a safe house for interrogation but he's not talking yet. Max get's taken off the case and sent back home to his apartment.

He ends up going rogue and vows to kill every member of the gang including Bradley's dad. He goes to the safe house and tortures the traitor for info before leaving him dead on the floor.

He is now wanted for manslaughter and has to hide out at his dad's place (He doesn't have the best relationship with his dad because his dad remarried too quick for his liking and it seems like he was already trying to replace his mom, he knows it's unrational but he can't let it go). ICA workers come to Goofies door and ask him about Max but Goofy being the good dad he is lies through his teeth to protect his son and Max hears all this from the top of the stairs and breaks down into his step moms arms about everything and how he wishes Bradley was here and how he could say sorry to his dad. Goofy ends up coming in and they have a bittersweet moment and hug.

Max's next stop is the gang hide out and he's been training so he's bulked up significantly and he's gotten better with his pistol and shit. He takes down a few guys but once again is outnumbered and cornered. One more time a figure in the shadows takes down a few guys before a figure steps out and fights hands on, It's Bradley (Turns out when his dad threw him off he landed on a ledge a little further down and once he woke up he dragged his barely working body to a friend of his who nursed his wounds, he saw on TV that Max was wanted and he tracked him down.

They fight together and re unite. They go back to Goofies and you know how that goes, he is gushing and taking about how happy he is and Max is embarrassed. They make a plan and decide to attack right at the source, they're gonna take down the uppercrust empire.

Max get's help from the few people he knows he can trust (P.J, bobby and bean scene girl. He also enlists the help of Roxanne who is a God on a keyboard the best hacker he knows, There is a sort of cute jealous scene that ends with Max telling Bradley he's the only one he wants.) Bradley also asks for the help of Tank <3

Bradley, Max, Tank, Bobby and P.J all storm the upper crust mansion and take down a few guards, Bradley is hit and Max runs back to help but Bradley tells him to go on and he can hold his own. Max ends up face to face with Mr Uppercrust and to make a long story short cuts off his head and places it at Bradley's feet almost like an offering to a god.

It ends with the gang running away and on a private island never to be bothered by the ICA or any remaining gangs (can have a part two that I will give the idea for of can be a stand alone fic)

[copperbadge]

Hi Sam, how did you come to the conclusion you should be tested for neurodivergence? I've been reading a lot of Temple Grandin (Visual Thinking is fantastic) and see so much of myself in her books. But, I, too, am, let's just say well into adulthood, and I don't know if my life would change that much with a diagnosis. The only thing I can think of doing with a diagnosis is telling my siblings and childhood bullies that they picked on someone who had a reason for being "weird." But it doesn't change anything. Beyond the medication, did you find any solace? Thank you for sharing your journey.

I was just thinking I should do a post about this....

I don't recall the specifics and have never been able to find the post again, but sometime prior to 2019 I made a joke about having a short attention span, and someone said something like "Oh, did you finally get a diagnosis?" and I said haha no, I don't have ADHD, and a bunch of readers went, "Uh, you very clearly do." Some of them added that they thought I knew and was just being discreet about it. (As if I have ever been discreet about anything in my life.)

So I figured, okay, probably there's some level of neurodivergence there, given that my mother and siblings all have various diagnoses, and my father was clearly autistic. (Knowing what we know now about how ADHD can mask as other mental illnesses, there's a strong chance this comes from my maternal grandmother, who was the person in the family I was most like when she was alive.) I tried a couple of times to get evaluated and always had either slow or nonexistent responses from the clinics I reached out to, so I stopped trying. I had a ton of coping mechanisms in place and was in a good spot in my life, so I thought honestly, what would it change?

But by the end of 2021, while I was still in a pretty good financial place, and my career was doing well, I could tell that if things kept up as they were I was going to tank my job purely through being unable to get through a day doing productive work the way I used to.

I thought, well, if this is ADHD and it's getting worse because the whole fucking world is on fire, I have two options: I can assume I have it and just do the reading and figure shit out on my own, or I can get evaluated, get professional advice, and possibly get medicated. That seemed like the best return on investment, so that's what I worked on. My goal was primarily medication, because I didn't see myself being able to change much else about my situation on my own. And, truthfully, medication has been the biggest change -- I actually have an essay about that queued for the anniversary of my starting Adderall. But while it hasn't been a massive life-altering world-shattering change, all of this was worth it purely for the medication.

Uh, momentary sidebar in my memoir: there are downsides to having a diagnosed disability -- discrimination, legal barriers to certain things like holding government jobs or adopting, etc. Those have to be weighed when you're considering evaluation. If you think you may have autism, there's not necessarily an advantage to having a formal diagnosis unless you need accommodations; if you think you may have ADHD, the huge advantage is access to medication, which doesn't exist for autism as far as I'm aware. So your particular flavor of neurodivergence might dictate whether you get a diagnosis, or whether you just start operating on the assumption you have it. Both are valid, I think, it really depends on what's going on in your life and what you want to change.

Anyway, I have been doing other research, reading journal articles and pop psychology and talking to people, and that's been good, but even if I had none of that, the medication has been so helpful in getting me back on an even keel and then making life even better.

This sounds kind of weird to say but I'm not generally someone who needs a lot of solace. There is some relief in knowing that at least some of my fuckups in life weren't something I could have prevented by simply having more strength of character or working harder, and that's nice, but it's something I could have had without a formal diagnosis -- just like you could simply tell your siblings and bullies you have a diagnosis. (Being real, I doubt they'd care; bullies gonna bully whether you had a reason to be weird or not, and none of that would have been your fault regardless of your neurology. But it's all very situational, as I'm sure you know.) I wasn't badly bullied as a kid and there's nobody really to...tell, in the sense you're thinking of. But I didn't get into it for emotional solace; I got into it to fix a life that was, albeit extremely slowly, starting to fall apart. So if you're someone, as most people are, who derives emotional satisfaction or catharsis from having the diagnosis, I think it probably would be pretty helpful. But even if you aren't, like me, if you can get medication or accomodations, I think it's worth it.

[dingodad]

If troll blindness causes their eyes to be red, as

shown with Terezi and post scratch Aranea, then why

does Sollux’s eyes turn black when he goes blind?

Does he just lose his eyes completely? Did he ever

have eyeballs in the first place or does he just have

open sockets with red and blue energy. It kinda looks

like blind Sollux he just has empty eye sockets. Did

being hit in the head just destroy his eyes entirely,

whereas Terezi retained the actual structures of her

eyes? I know its the same with every blind psionic,

since hiveswap shows they have the same black

eyes as well. I’m not sure psionics have irises or

pupils either but I’m not sure that extends to all

goldbloods. I also can’t help but think of how

Cherubs eyes become black when they become

ghosts, though this is probably a coincidence, since

they aren’t blind. This is a bit of a weird question,

sorry about that lol

the ways terezi and sollux went blind are pretty crucially different. terezi's eyes were burnt, sollux... i guess i don't know? people say "head trauma" but when you actually look at the series of events it's clearly a blow to the torso which leads to some internal rupture, and that's what causes him to cough up blood. so i guess it's super up to interpretation? the only thing that makes sense to me is that it had something to do with having his optic blasts countered by a beam of pure angelic light. in which case maybe they were burnt?? i don't know if there's any dialogue that elucidates this matter any further.

this certainly isn't the first time i've heard it suggested that he is literally just missing his eyes, though i've never really seen any reason to believe this. like, wouldn't that idea be communicated more clearly if his sockets were the colour of his blood? (but i DID watch an x-files episode just last night where victims' eyes were burnt out of their sockets by an angel's countenance - so i guess there's actually cultural precedent for this??) considering sollux' eyes can flash different colours it seems like the only reason they were red and blue in the first place was because they were brimming with concussive energy, ala cyclops of the x-men, so it doesn't seem all that odd that they could just change colour in the event of a traumatic injury that also caused blindness. (sollux never uses his concussive blasts after this, so far as i can recall, but he DOES use his telekinesis, which starts to appear in black+white instead of red+blue... so i guess those are just two completely unrelated powers??? it's really unclear!!!)

you would THINK this is what they were trying to evoke by giving folykl black eyes and a similar psychic deficiency, but i haven't retained enough about any of the hiveswap trolls to know if she's even blind. poinko suggested she was before friendsim ever released and descriptions of her development imply that she was conceived of as being blind - and that this was maybe changed into a purely psychic disability as the concept was refined? - but nobody seems to have ever listed this on her wiki article so i've got genuinely no idea if this idea manifested itself in any of folykl's actual appearances. i mean, i wouldn't have guessed that she was born with no eyes, but i really don't know.

the cherub thing i've never even been able to figure out to begin with. it does feel totally plausible that it's connected to sollux' thing, since both sollux and the cherubs go through various phases of being either one soul in two bodies / two souls in one body...? but i would also be very willing to believe that dead calliope DOES just have a skull with no eyes, since the cherubs have always had glassy "window to the soul" doll-eyes and have been known on occasion to take their eyes out and replace them with something else.

so. this is a really good question. i just don't know if i have the answers for it LOL

[nobodysdaydreams]

📢 I just came up with the most devasting Wolf359 AU today and you're all gonna hear about it. 🚀

My brain really chose VIOLENCE coming up with this AU on father's day.

Here is the set up: the crew gets themselves into a stalemate with Cutter and Pryce that lasts a REALLY long time. The crew can't make it to Earth without getting blown up, but Cutter and Pryce can't get what they need from the crew without gambling too much. The stalemate lasts a long time. Like a REALLY long time, at least a decade. And this is when Cutter decides to play dirty. Well, dirtier than usual, even for him.

Basically, Cutter finds Anne (Doug's daughter), and very much appeals to her the same way he appealed to Miranda, through showing her support, promising her a way to help her disability and make her even "greater" and praising her potential and accomplishment in spite of the adversity she's suffered. He also connects with her via speeches about how his (Cutter's) father never saw the potential in him either. Cutter becomes a sort of mentor to Anne under the guise of "oh look this nice science man is tutoring deaf kids. What a philanthropist!". If we want to go really dark, Cutter has Kate and the rest of Anne's family killed in a terrible accident and adopts her, but he could also just be a mentor to Anne. Either way, she ends up trusting him, and seeing him as more of a father to her than Doug, and starts growing bitter about what Doug did to her and believes that he doesn't care about her at all (Anne thinks he never called, wrote home, or anything, and Cutter stages a whole thing where Anne finds some fake recording he made to make it sound like Doug never cared about her at all so that Cutter can come in and fake comfort her).

Anyway, flash forward through the decades long stalemate between Cutter and the Hephaestus crew, and now Anne's a college student who works for Goddard Futuristics (she's considered one of the higher ups/part of Cutter's inner circle). Like Miranda has her glow in the dark eyes and night vision, Anne has specially made hearing aids created by Goddard Futuristics that allow her to hear whisperers on the other side of the ship and very subtle sounds. Anne's relationship with Pryce and Cutter would be interesting. I can see Pryce being jealous of her (for obvious reasons not to mention that fact that she gets Cutter's attention), but I can also see Pryce finding common ground with her since they have similar backstories that Cutter can't relate to (though Pryce would deny it and whenever Cutter refers to Anne as their little girl, she rolls her eyes and say something along the lines of "for the last time, I'm not playing house with you, Marcus. She's a tool. Like the rest of them."). If Pryce did go with the common ground route, it would be interesting to see if they ever ended up ganging up on Cutter for any reason (I think they'd do this if they were both mad at Hera and Doug at the same time and insisted on making decisions based on this anger), and whether Cutter would find this alliance amusing and endearing or threatening.

But back to the story. So Anne works for Goddard Futuristics now, and the anger she has towards her father has led her to buy into Cutter's philosophy of survival of the strongest, immortality/new bodies, a better future, all of it (though obviously Cutter is lying to her about some stuff because...well he's Cutter, he lies to everyone). So Doug and the crew finally have a show down with their enemies after over a decade in space and who shows up to torture them but Anne. Doug doesn't even recognize her at first, because she's an adult now, but when he does, he's devasted. Anne doesn't believe he's sorry about what he did and insists that this is what she wants now and that Cutter has been a better father to her than Doug ever could be. The crew becomes very conflicted because while they were prepared to fight Cutter and Pryce, nobody wants to kill Anne because despite what she's done, she's Doug's daughter (which is what Cutter was counting on).

Anyway, flash even more forward to Anne discovering recordings that prove her father cares about her and that Cutter is a horrible person, and she eventually breaks down and flips sides. I don't think Pryce would be sad to see her go, and if she was, she'd either get over it, or get angry at Anne for her "betrayal". Cutter might also have more complicated feels by that point if Anne reminds him of Pryce, and I could see him trying to force her to stay. Also at one point, Anne's special hearing aids break, and that's when she discovers that Doug learned sign language for her, just in case he ever got the chance to see her again.

Anyway, feel free to lmk what you think!

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Can You Hear Me?

"Ace's clumsy first time relationship with a deaf reader. Both Ace and reader are university students of the same school. Ace notices reader as a cute girl on the first day in class, then found out she is deaf later on that day. He notices all of her little actions and hobbies. Like how nice her hand writing is when she communicates with others, or how her eyes sparkle when she can use sign language with someone, or how she keep all of the notes her friends gave her in a small notebook. He also subconciously help her whenever he can. Like clearing some awkward moments or notice her of sounds she couldn't hear. Then, one day, he gave her a small note with his confession and she said yes. They became a couple. Ace started to notice more of her habits. She doesn't like it when someone sneak on her, so whenever he is near her, he tries to let her know of his presence as soon as possible. She still tries to have normal conversations and greetings, like a welcome back, or a good morning. She teaches him sign language, and she tells him that it's the warmest thing ever to know that he wants to learn it for her. Just fluffh stuff ig"

So first of all, I absolutely love, love, love this request. I have a niece who is deaf (she has Cochlear implants, but is still deaf) and am also disabled myself. I'm not deaf, but I am disabled so this request really hits close to home. Also! While I know that some deaf people can talk, I know others can't. For this particular fic, I decided to make it so the reader can't talk either. You can choose why they can't talk. Damaged vocal cords, deaf since birth, whatever, but I made it so they can't talk either.

Part 2

Warnings: Deaf!Reader, disabilities, Ace being an idiot, fluff, misunderstandings.

Word Count: 1060

     Ace couldn’t help but to stare at you. He’d noticed you the first day he’d walked into the room, seconds before class started, his eyes almost immediately drawn to you as he searched for a place to sit. When he’d first talked to you, he’d immediately noticed something off. The way you always stared at his lips rather than somewhere else, the way it seemed to take you a minute to process what he was saying, the way you never responded to him until you saw him. It wasn’t until he’d run up behind you and tapped you on the shoulder that he’d found out the truth. You looked so… normal, so much like everybody else, he’d been shocked when he’d realized you were deaf. It had been while you were catching your breath from receiving the scare of your life that he found out. He’d been trying to apologize, to comfort you, not sure what had happened when you put a hand up to stop him. He didn’t know sign language, he’d never even thought of learning sign language, but he knew enough about gestures to understand that you were telling him you were deaf. So much seemed to make sense after that. The way you never noticed him until he was in eyesight, your reluctance to have your back to people, your staring at his lips, the fact that he’d never seen you with a pair of headphones, despite all the times where most people would have them in. 

     He’d immediately changed how he acted around you. Always cautious to be within eyesight before saying ‘Hi’, never sneaking up on you, always careful to make sure you could read his lips. It was nice at first, he was trying to be sensitive and understanding… at least, until it became aggravating. Treating you too differently. Always more careful around you, like he was walking on eggshells, trying not to do anything wrong, obsessively taking extra notes in case you missed something, constantly carrying around a mini whiteboard for you to write on if you needed it, and just generally treating you exactly how you hated being treated. Were you disabled? Yes. Did you want to be treated like you were disabled? No! The moment anybody learned you were deaf, they began to treat you differently, specially, like there was something wrong with you or like you were made of glass. All you wanted was to be treated like everyone else, like how Ace had treated you in the beginning. Even though all your conversations had been either one sided or note passing in class, which he assumed was just so the professor wouldn’t scold you for talking, he hadn’t treated you differently or even seemed to notice or care that something was off about you. 

     Sighing angrily, you stalked towards your class, tightly gripping the strap on your bag, your eyes narrowing when Ace stepped in front of you, walking backwards so you could see his face while walking. Your eyes immediately fell to his lips as he began talking, the usual ‘Hey, good morning, how is your morning going?’

     “So anyway, did you see the poster about that rock conc-... uh, I mean… uh, I… heard there was a concert a bunch of students are going to, I was wondering if you’d like to come over and study with me. Or maybe we could uh… watch TV, since there’s subtitles and all. Uh… how about I get your bag?” Ace asked, holding his hand out. The look on his face had gone from excited about the concert to nervous and awkward, afraid that you’d be upset about not being able to hear the music. You pulled you bag even closer, glaring harder as you reached the room. Sitting down, you quickly pulled out a notepad, starting to angrily write on it while Ace watched closely over your shoulder.

     “Stop it… I’m deaf… not quadriplegic… even… if I was… you… shouldn’t treat… me like I’m… made of glass…” Ace said slowly as he read your writing. Ace looked away, guiltily.

     “I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to treat you like you’re uh… like you’re not capable. Because you are! You absolutely are!” Ace said, quickly blurting out the last part, “I just… I don’t know, you said you were deaf and I just… I feel like I should, I don’t know, make you more comfortable I guess. Like, you can’t hear, so what if you don’t hear what the professor says and miss something, or what if you get mad that other people can listen to concerts or something? I don’t… I don’t want you to be upset because I was insensitive or felt like you aren’t included.” he finished. You sighed and shook your head, calming down a little as you started writing again.

     “Just… because I’m deaf… doesn’t mean you have to… bend over… backwards for me. I just… want to be treated… normally… like when we… first met.” Ace looked away, his guilt hitting him even harder. He had started treating you differently, like you weren’t capable of anything simply because you couldn’t hear.

     “I… I’m really sorry. I… I didn’t, I mean, I did, but I didn’t.” Ace took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment, “I’ll try and be better. I’ll try and treat you normally again, but can I… can I still be a little more, uh… I guess, different than when we first met? No matter how I look at it, no matter how normally I treat you, you’re still deaf, so maybe we can reach an agreement? I’ll stop treating you like glass, I’ll stop taking extra notes, I’ll stop being so stupidly careful, I’ll be, uh… normal, I guess, again. But can we… Can we still write back and forth? Carry one of those small whiteboards around or something? I miss talking… writing? With you.” Ace asked, making you smile and shake your head at him.

     “Sure, but I… want you to… learn sign… language… that way… we can really… communicate. Absolutely! Uh… can you teach me?” Ace asked with a sheepish smile, rubbing the back of his head. Rolling your eyes, you gave him a fond smile as you nodded. It was nice that he was willing, even if he was a bit of an idiot about all of this.

[into-september]

"Maledictator", thoughts

Flipping through the channels at later at night than the target group should be up gave me the tail end of "Frozer" (Luka had a different voice, the ice power-ups are weird) and then "Maledictator".

Did this happen before or after Chloé revealed herself to be a dancing prodigy in LB cosplay that had a wig

Sure sure S5 might go on and on about how she's too lazy for school, but you don't get those dancing skills at one of the toughest ballet schools in the world without dicipline and dedication. If we're supposed to treat anything that happens on this show seriously after all, "Frighteninggale" suggests that Chloé's illiteracy stems from some learning disability left undiagnosed thanks to a system too afraid to be frank about her academic performance to her parents

No helping the complete lack of reality on display as the episode starts, though

Marinette's explanation for choosing Chloé for the fight is something like "doesn't get intimidated by power" (would've been so cool if this was ever followed up on), but it's pretty clear that it's really because she keeps blaming herself for getting Chloé upset. I can't remember if she did that before Adrien refused to join the party because he was upset, but the one most ruthless at tearing Chloé's superhero delusions apart at the start of the episode wasn't Marinette, no matter how much both Marinette and Chloé keeps saying that it was. It was Alya.

Not sure what to make of Chloé's repeated accusations that Marinette made the class "gang up on her" when Chloé demonstratively doesn't care what the class thinks of her

And yet she later grieves that "nobody likes her" and she "has no friends"

And she goes to the party, unaware that it is to celebrate Queen Bee, because Marinette asked her to

The most interesting part of the episode is how she at the end refuses the Butler's help to clean up, insisting to do it herself

"BUt she neVEr wAnted to Be betTER" #surejan

Speaking of things it would've been so cool if they followed up on: Adrien's statement that he "can't" celebrate Chloé's departure. This empathy-to-the-point-of-the-absurd (and it is empathy, not just loyalty) is such a contrast to Gabriel who uses the same skill set to terrorise Paris on the daily - and also to Marinette, whose judgemental ways are usually justified, but who also demonstrates a distinct lack in the empathy department on some very notable occasions (Kagami on purpose, Cat Noir are a side effect of weird writing). Adrien's insistence on sympathising with the other's pain, no matter how misplaced said pain is, would've been such an interesting angle for the show to pursue to cast light on the two others in our central conflict triangle

Chloé's VA aced this one and oh my god whoever wrote these scripts deserves a little medal. Gabriel Agreste is absolutely the kind of man to use the word "hustru"

The most important takeaway is that this episode probably only exists because someone wanted to animate Cat Noir taking the catboy existence to the ultimate level

The simultaneous clever and absolutely careless nature of the writing and directing of this show keeps giving me brainworms and today's is the fact that Queen Bee's weapon is the visually closest to Ladybug's in look and non-special function, and how this episode had one very conspicuous shot of Ladybug and Queen Bee moving in fully synchronised movements. Why would you do that if you're not either going to establish Chloé as a special ally, or as Ladybug's ultimate nemesis?

See also: with S5 explicitly taking on the political system of France, how dare not having a Maledictator repeat there. did we really need an episode about how even an AI can de-akumatise itself these days, or two about Lila getting Kagami akumatised over the same bloody problem that you were too chicken to make for real anyway

[vintageseawitch]

to those leftists who are "uncommitted" or will vote third party: what exactly is your alternative? you know goddamn well your "protest" vote isn't gonna change shit & may help trump win. you scoff & claim that "OBVIOUSLY i don't want trump to win 🙄" but you're working harder to make sure Harris loses than he does.

i can't get over how y'all know "so much" about far left theory... but you know jack shit about how the American government works. you already act like the president is a monarch. i NEVER hear y'all talk about how important local & state voting is because most of you spew the bullshit that is "my vote doesn't matter."

the extremist Republicans have been playing a long fucking game. a few genocides will happen on our own soil if they gain all the power they want - that of immigrants, specifically brown people, & LGBTQIA. they will destroy them & anyone who wants to help them. this has been a long game because they can count on their voters actually participating in every election & mostly old people are the ones doing the voting.

we all complain about old people being selfish, how "they had theirs & will work to make sure younger generations don't." young people however are NOTORIOUS for not showing up at the polls. where the fuck are you leftists complaining about all the horrible bad things? y'all almost act like shocked Pikachu faces when piece of shit politicians get power then do horrible things. WHY AREN'T YOU ADVOCATING FOR LOCAL POLITICIANS.

if anything, Republicans live more in the real world than leftists who want their precious, magical, instantly-fix-everything revolution. Republicans have been patiently playing a long game & it's been WORKING. leftists get mad that changes they want don't happen instantly so they just give up on the system altogether. y'all want politicians to check ALL of your goddamn boxes or they get no help from you.

your protest vote in this election is selfish. you're not being smart about this. for fuck's sake, you're not marrying Harris, you're thinking of the long game. we need to work hard to make sure trump loses. the likes of jill stein, who is also a traitor, will not save us. she will hand us over to Russia on a platter. you want the US to collapse? you are so fucking foolish that you not only remain ignorant of how our government works but also geopolitics & all the delicate nuance. YES, the United States is fucked up, but world leaders are more nervous about a trump second term than not. HE FREED THE FUCKING TALIBAN.

you think things will be the same as ever? you're as bad as MAGA. you want us all to fail & all it will cost is LGBTQIA folks, immigrants (including those who have been here for decades), any woman who needs some kind of abortion care to save her life, children as more get gunned down, the elderly & disabled & anyone else who qualifies for social security & Medicare, veterans, indigenous folks, the environment since they don't believe in climate change WHICH AFFECTS THE ENTIRE DAMN PLANET, etc. but at least you're conscience will be clear.

please be smarter than Republicans & think this through. in another election in 1995 in Isreal a protest vote occurred & as a result netanyahu won by LESS THAN A WHOLE PERCENT. they were protesting AGAINST him. your "principles" could aid in harming us all. "they should have chosen a better candidate" our system led us to either choosing Harris or trump. for now it sucks but one of them will govern us. if you're so unsure then you might as well look forward to trump winning. he's not long for this world so jd fucking vance will be president instead. he's much younger & more evil, horrible, & psychotic. THINK ABOUT THE LONG GAME. vote locally & at state level, not just during thr general election. y'all don't sound smart to me; you sound prideful & short-sighted.

[idyllic-affections]

HELLO!! YOUR BAIZHU WITH CHRONICALLY ILL READER IS THE BEST THING THAT'S EVERY HAPPENED!!! I've never seen a blog that does only platonic things, and as an aroace person, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! I wasn't too sure if you requests were open or not, but I was wondering if you could make either some headcanons or a fic where the reader (from that series) has a flare up or gets sick and Baizhu takes care of them? I'm unfortunately sick right now (just in time for when my final school assignments are due, slay 😍) but found family and hurt/comfort are literally the best thing ever, and, if put together, I'm pretty sure will cure me /j. If you requests aren't open, then please disregard this message!

Anyway, I gotta go sleep before the fever messes up my brain (if it hasn't already); so good bye, and thank you again!!

a slip of the tongue.

summary. how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they fall ill?

trigger & content warnings. flu-like sickness, lighthearted mentions of death.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort-ish. baizhu & reader. 1.1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of invisible disability? it's rather visible to me & contains vaguely implied spoilers for baizhu's story quest.

author's thoughts. hello lovely!!! thank youu <3 i am slowly collecting people that like this series like how i collect shiny rocks. its great to get a request related to it. i hold this series very dearly, so please (and this goes for everyone reading this!) never be shy to send thoughts about it or requests related to it. anyway, i love catering to aroace folk, you all are so special to me. im on the aro spectrum myself, so i get it. i know from experience that it can be super frustrating looking for fanfic content that's non-romantic. please remember to take care of yourself! i totally understand the feeling of needing to finish final assignments while being sick. me and you are in the exact same boat LMAO... my requests are always open btw! ive no intention of ever closing them. in the end, i went with our poor reader being sick rather than having flare ups, since i already briefly touched on that idea in employee benefits.

how does baizhu care for his junior herbalist when they're sick and out of commission?

baizhu is most often the first to know when they're sick or otherwise unwell. he's so impossibly attentive to their bodily condition, simply because their health is partially his responsibility. he's their teacher. what kind of mentor would neglect to take care of their apprentice? a bad one, that's what kind.

(he also feels somewhat indebted to them—even though they're chronically ill, they're always doing anything they can to help him recover after his "secret art" treatments. even though he's the doctor, they've helped care for him on more than one occasion. he has to return the favor whenever he can. just because he's older doesn't mean he gets to freely take advantage of their kindness.)

if he's not the first to know, he's the second, because the only instance where he wouldn't know first is if they woke up ill at home.

he'll always end up being the second to know, at the very least. someone will inform him of their condition, whether that be a parent or a sibling or another family member. sometimes a friend of theirs may tell him, such as xingqiu, chongyun, hu tao, or xiangling.

in hu tao's case... she may be distrustful of him, but she does tell him when they aren't well. [name] is a childhood friend of hers. she cares about their health and, surprisingly, doesn't want to put them in the ground just yet!

even though she dreads the path they've chosen to walk down... she still cares for them, very much so.

(junior herbalist!reader's lore drop is finally here?!?!?)

regardless of how baizhu finds out, they'll end up being cared for at the pharmacy.

though he could prescribe them medication and let them be taken care of at home...

he often wants to care for them himself.

gui has asked why in the past, and baizhu really has never had a good answer for him.

he's really not sure why he wants to be the one to monitor them. perhaps it's because it gives him a sense of calmness and reassures him that they're recovering well.

after all, if their condition were to rapidly decline for any reason... he could fix it.

(to some others, his concern might seem overprotective. unnecessary. however, something as simple as the flu has been known to take lives. he worries that, because of their chronic illness, they may be more susceptible to a severe case than others are.)

he has the means to save them if something like that were to happen, and undoubtedly, the life of his sweet and kind apprentice is one that deserves to be saved and protected.

perhaps it's also because it seems to put qiqi at ease; baizhu's noticed that she gets fidgety in [name]'s absence during work hours, but when they're ill and being cared for at the pharmacy, she functions very well and often even remembers to check on them herself.

sometimes when they have a fever, qiqi may sit by their side for minutes at a time and just press her little cold hands on their forehead to cool them off. she also ensures that they stay hydrated.

both baizhu and gui find this behavior very endearing. qiqi cares deeply for her big sibling (despite the fact that she's technically older...). her bond with them is something very special and sweet to bear witness to.

bubu pharmacy's work environment is familial and tightly knit by nature, so it isn't too hard to imagine that something would feel wrong if one of the four herbalists were gone for whatever reason. even those who don't work there are affected by the absence of one or more of the pharmacists.

overall, baizhu takes very good care of them when they fall ill.

he monitors them closely, hand-crafts their medicine depending on what they need, makes sure that their fluid intake is maintained...

he dotes on them tbh.

"Ugh..." they groaned, blearily blinking up at their mentor. Baizhu's hand against the feverish skin of their forehead was cold; they couldn't help but lean into the gentle touch. "Bàba?"

He didn't point it out. He hardly even acknowledged their words, as if he were somehow used to it. He only smiled, hand stroking tenderly over their disheveled hair, taming the defiant strands no doubt caused by restless sleep. "So sorry to wake you, dear."

Even Changsheng was quiet—she only hummed thoughtfully from her place around Baizhu's neck. Normally, she'd find something to tease them about (usually because they started it!), but now... she seemed to know that it just wasn't right to tease them in their hazy state of mind.

Gui was quiet, too. He was surprised. He had never heard them address their mentor such an... informal way, let alone with familial terms. He did once briefly think that the dynamic they had with Baizhu was awfully family-like, but...

It was still unexpected.

"Come, now. It's time to take your medicine again, and then you can go back to sleep, okay?"

Gui watched, still silent, as they hummed in absentminded acknowledgement, rubbing their eyes ever so slightly. It didn't seem to help them come to at all; their gaze was still distant and unfocused and they didn't even realize how they addressed the doctor. If they did... they'd probably apologize, embarrassed, but they showed no such emotion. Baizhu gently guided them into a sitting position, rubbing small circles on their back.

Gui handed the cup filled about halfway with herbal medication off to the doctor. Baizhu gingerly guided it to their lips, knowing very well that the guidance was needed; they looked half-asleep sitting up. Archons know they were in no condition to successfully do it themselves. They took the medicine without so much as a whine about its bitterness—they only grimaced slightly after swallowing. Gui supposed that they never really were one to complain about it, even when fully coherent. 'I think it would set a bad example for others if I complained,' they once told him. 'Plus, it's not like Dr. Baizhu gets some kind of sadistic pleasure from giving medication to me, so there's no reason to complain. It's herbal. There's nothing to be done about the taste... I know he doesn't like taking it either. Hehe. It's kind of funny, actually, like we're hiding some kind of company secret. Herbalists who don't like the taste of herbal medicine.'

It was only after he left the room with the doctor that he pointed it out:

"They called you bàba."

"Hm?" Baizhu hummed, turning to Gui. "Oh. Yes... [Name] has done it quite a few times, actually, whether that be because of fever delirium or a slip of the tongue. I don't mind it. It only means that they feel safe enough to be vulnerable here. Qiqi has done it a few times, as well. Those two are only children, so... it is to be expected."

Gui then smiled, nodding. "It's cute."

Baizhu couldn't help but agree, his lips tilting upwards into a little smile himself. "It is."

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[possibilistfanfiction]

More of Avatrice and their dog? Or whatever soft, everyday life stuff you wanna write most tbh.

[baby korra! also, there were a bunch of prompts (all of which i loved!) that asked for some more about ava & disability, so that's in here too!]

/

'okay, i know you're here because we genuinely need groceries and i refuse to stick to a list.' beatrice suppresses a smile but nods anyway — soft and gorgeous this morning, in sweatshorts and an oversized t-shirt with the sleeves cuffed a few times, pristine sneakers, because it's hot outside, a little cap on backward. sometimes you don't want to wear shorts if you're in your chair, but today is too warm, even on the water, to want to wear pants. you admit that you like your arms, still, maybe even more, in tanks, so, in your opinion, you're gonna be the hottest couple in the whole foods. you take a moment to sigh, happily, and then get back on track with your mission. 'but you can't help me and korra at all.'

'i know,' she says, unfazed and understanding. 'i'll just be right behind you monitoring your questionable deviations from the list. despite that, i don't have to come in at all if you don't want.'

'no, that's fine. it'll be good to practice with you there in case we need to slow down.'

'okay, my love.'

she turns the car's ignition off and then gets out, comes around to the passenger side and gets your chair situated for you by your door. it makes you ache, a little, because this is your fucking life; you've hurt for so, so long, and now this beautiful person you love so deeply has to care for you in ways that you hate, in ways that you have been terrified of since you were seven and woke up alone and unable to move and unable to grieve, or see the stars or the sea. but — bea holds your hands just like your physical therapist had shown you, a transfer that keeps you safe and doesn't put a particular amount of strain on beatrice either. and all she does, after you make sure you're situated comfortably, is kiss the top of your head, almost absentmindedly, and then hands you your reusable tote bags.

'thanks, bea.'

she just hums, waves a hand to say of course, to say i don't mind, to say i am thinking of you always with love; this isn't any different, to say you're the most incredible person i've ever known. you know these things because she tells you all the time, and she shows you all the time; you've gone over it again and again in therapy, too, beatrice sitting patiently on the couch next to you and holding your hand while you sort through your messy feelings around mobility and pain that have, honestly, never seemed messy or complicated for her: she loves you, and that's the beginning and end of it.

you tug on her shirt, just for a moment; she smells so good, like her cologne and your laundry detergent and your lavender lotion and, always, a little like the ocean. she puts a gentle hand to the back of your head and lets you rest, your ear against her ribcage.

'if all goes well, which it will,' she says, moving back a little and looking clearly into your eyes; you love her, 'we can get brunch after? korra will probably be tired but we could do some neutrality training? if you're not feeling great, we can pick something up too. i could use a nap, honestly.'

'you slept until 10 am.'

'i can always sleep more,' she says, and you have to laugh.

you get korra out of the van, easy with its automatic doors and her happy little expression. she has her service dog in training DO NOT PET, I'M WORKING vest on — already getting a little small on her constantly growing body — and when you tell her it's time to work, she obediently sits at your right side in a perfect, small heel. you give her a piece of kibble — her breakfast this morning, because anything more interesting than kibble makes her kind of lose it and doesn't help with neutrality, which is funny more than anything, but counterproductive.

'well, i'll take the stairs,' bea says, 'so you can handle the elevator on your own with korra. meet you at the south entrance.'

it's kind of tactical, and you want to laugh, but she's already striding off purposefully and you shrug at korra, with her too-big paws and the wagging white tip of her tail. 'let's go,' you say, and, although she's on a short lead, made especially for handlers in chairs, she doesn't pull or sniff, just trots right at the right wheel, and automatically sits while you wait for the elevator. 'good girl, korra,' you praise and feed her another piece of kibble, much to her calm delight.

the elevator is new and big, so it's easy, and beatrice is patiently waiting by the south entrance with a cart for you, as promised, on her phone — probably looking up highlights from some tennis match she didn't get to catch this morning; she nods very seriously, which makes you smile. she looks up and sees you and then waits for you to situate the small cart in front of you, like you'd practiced in occupational therapy too, using the front of the chair to push the cart pretty effectively.

korra seems a little nervous about the cart, mostly because it's new and you're still a big clumsy with it, but you feed her a lot of kibble and reluctantly get all the produce beatrice had put on your list, but your also joyfully add chocolate covered dates and a bottle of champagne that the store had so nicely left right by strawberries. you look back at bea, who rolls her eyes, but she doesn't move to stop you, just walks silently and patiently, comfortable without any urgency, her hands in her pockets and her bangs messy beneath her backwards cap, her freckles spread down her arms now. you've used the chair enough by this point that you have calluses on your hands and your arms don't get tired or sore if you're just doing tasks, especially if the space is relatively accessible.

one day, korra will be bigger and way more coordinated, but you still practice with her getting a box of quinoa — beatrice's addition to the list, unfortunately — and bringing it to you, which she does pretty well: she drops it twice but happily completes her task, and you almost cry when you pet her soft, small head and offer her more praise and a few pieces of kibble. she ignores everyone, even when they try to talk to her. bea sends everyone withering glares when they do so, which is funnier to you than it really should be.

but for now, korra follows you attentively and, other than a few things you have to ask bea to get you from high on the shelves — which, if you came by yourself, wouldn't be hard to ask an employee or someone else in the same aisle; it loosens something in your chest, the ease with which you will be able to move through the world, even on your most limited days — everything goes off without a hitch.

you get everything on your list — mostly boring — and then add everything fun you want; bea eats all of her snacks too, especially if she takes an edible, and you know she'll pout eventually if you don't get chocolate and popcorn. korra heels attentively as you pay, and you think that, very soon, she won't need her lead at all in places she goes often. you work with your trainer all the time but it fills you with a sense of pride that you get to work with her so much, that she's so smart and good and loves you, clearly and deeply.

you pay and the clerk happily loads your bags into your cart for you. it's — it's not bad. it's not easy, but it's also not impossible, and bea gives you a goofy high five when you get outside.

'that was amazing, ava.'

'it was — it was amazing, wasn't it?'

she's so excited she's vibrating slightly, you think, even though she had really kept her cool in the store. her smile is so big and she put her sunglasses on but you can tell her eyes flash with joy anyway. 'it was. do you want me to take the stairs, or can i take the elevator with you?'

'come with us, of course.'

she squeezes your shoulder and then lets you press the button, lets you push the cart, lets you get situated with korra before she steps on as well. she asks if you want any help with putting the groceries into the trunk, and you're sure you could do it yourself, but she's here and proud of you and — 'can you, like, do a few bicep curls with each bag? that would be so helpful.'

she laughs, bright, and rolls her eyes, but she does appease you anyway, taking two of your tote bags in her hands and then lifting them a few times.

'ugh, perfect.'

'you're so ridiculous,' she says, even though she clearly lets you ogle as she loads the trunk.

'you got plans for after brunch?'

she hums, considering. 'maybe getting up to something with my very sexy girlfriend.'

'getting up to something?'

she shrugs. 'whatever you want.'

'oh, i want to fully fuck.'

she grins, leans down to cup your face in her palms and kisses you fully on the mouth, way too dirty for a whole foods parking lot, but you are not complaining.

'do we need brunch? we could order in.'

'i'm not opposed to that,' she says, nonchalant but you know she's probably horny already. 'do you want to drive?'

'i — yeah, if that's okay?'

'i wouldn't have asked if it wasn't,' she says, like it's a fact. and it is.

she just waits in the passenger seat, on her phone again, while you get korra situated and then put down the electric ramp. a minivan isn't the sexiest car — beatrice has a sleek, fast volvo hybrid that you're a little jealous of sometimes — but you learned how to drive and then had to learn how to drive again with hand controls. for as frustrating as it can be, some days, to have to learn so many different ways to do things, it's a life, and you can learn and practice and now, you get your chair into the car without any issue and transfer to the driver's seat easily. beatrice smiles at you, looking up from her phone where she is, indeed, checking tennis results.

you drive home while you bicker about what to order for brunch, and beatrice puts the groceries away while you get the chair out from the van and situate korra with a frozen lick mat, so she won't bother you. you wheel to your bedroom, a master beatrice had fully remodeled so it was on the first floor, without any frustration — i get to fix every small detail that bothers me, she had said, and genuinely meant, and, plus, you had gotten to watch her help your contractor blow out a wall and then put up shelves eventually.

when you get to the threshold, you gulp because beatrice is lounging on your bed in just a pair of pale blue boxers, a dark, wet patch between her legs. 'hi darling,' she says, and it's hard to scramble in your chair but you manage well enough, let her help you transfer quickly into bed, and the she hands you the soft wedge you'd bought a few months ago to help lift your hips. you nod once you're settled and tug her toward you; you kiss her chest and she kisses down your stomach and then settles between your legs.

and like, maybe things are different, maybe things suck a little, because you're in pain and there's a lot of thought that goes into tasks, but you come three times before you have to tug her up toward you and she kisses you, beautiful, with your taste on her tongue.

she rides your fingers and comes with her hand firmly on your throat, then flops down next to you with a sigh. 'our brunch has probably been outside for a while.'

you laugh. 'i can go check.'

'great,' she says, 'i'll move in... a while.'

you kiss her, laughing, and then brush her hair out of her eyes, scratch once, tenderly, along the shaved sides, tug fondly on an earlobe with one small stud. 'thank you, for today, my love.'

she touches your cheek tenderly. 'it's the same to me as any day. you ruin my grocery list and then i get to make love to you. can't complain.'

'i can,' you say, and her brows pinch in worry for a moment before you kiss the crease. 'i only came three times.'

she laughs, relieved. 'we have all afternoon. i can remedy that.'

you sigh. 'a pretty good life, huh?'

'oh, ava,' she says, 'yes. beyond my wildest dreams.'