#the director who was telling this story was clearly taking the piss

[sapphire-weapon]

But sapphire didn't you hear that the devs didn't want them holding hands????

LMAO STOP

you guys are so fucking stupid fdjsklfhlkhf

[storm-angel989]

How would Valentino react to his baby having colic? (when a baby cries for no apparent reason)

Hi Friend,

Please see the below! I hope you enjoy this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. As you may have noticed, I haven't published any content in a bit- this is the first one I'm happy with how it came out!

Enjoy!

<3 Mandy

The sound of a baby crying used to piss him off.

The screeching, shrieking, screaming bawl of an insolent child instilled nothing in him but rage. In the past, he wanted nothing more than to eliminate the sound by any means possible, and although children were barred in his studio, he made it a point to ensure they were kept as far away from him as possible in all areas of his life. Hell, if someone had told the younger version of himself that someday he would run towards his own crying child and not away from it, he would have probably shot them without hesitation. 

As Valentino lounged back in his directors chair, the scream of his number one rule being shattered sent him to his feet, his wings springing  forth as he launched himself towards the sound. For the first time in front of people, the sudden movement was for protection, not anger. 

“Val, I need a break,” his wife’s voice, quaking with tears, met his monstrous form. “I can’t, I can’t get her to settle.” 

“Back upstairs,” his voice answered, sharp as a knife. “You know…”

“Val, I’m begging you.”

The continuous crying, and the tone of his wife's voice told him something was very, very wrong. Ignoring the work behind him, he shielded her and the screaming child as he guided her to the elevator. His wings blocking the view, he took the upset child from his wife and settled her against him. Behind him, the door closed and despite the constant noise, his voice softened.

“Bebita, what’s wrong?” He asked as he tried to comfort his child. To his surprise, the wailing continued. Even more alarming, his wife began to sob. 

“I…don’t….know! She won’t stop crying. I tried everything, I can’t…she won’t…why do I feel like this?” 

With his free arm, he pulled his wife to his side and gently cradled her head to his shoulders. He pressed his lips to the top of her head as he did his best to soothe both her and the baby. A younger Valentino would have smacked any woman who dared to cry in front of him. After all, he wasn’t an overlord known for mercy. But as he appraised his wife’s current  appearance, the very thought of hurting her made him sick to his stomach. Dark circles under her eyes, pajamas that clearly needed to be changed, and hair that looked like it needed to be washed- or at the very least, brushed. But moreso, she seemed beyond exhausted. Sad maybe? Overwhelmed? Sick? He couldn’t tell.  How long had she been alone with a crying baby?

“Alright, honey, we’ll figure it out,” Valentino said finally. “I’ll call the doctor and…”

“You have to work, I shouldn’t have bothered you,” she sobbed through the continued cries. “I tried to call Vox and Velvette, and I just…she’s colicky, and I can’t…I don’t…”

“Hey, hey. No. Always come to us,” he replied quickly. “You’re not in this alone. Come on. You need sleep.” 

The elevator door opened and he carefully guided his wife into the penthouse and nudged her towards the bedroom. 

“Go. I’ve got the baby,” he said gently. “You need to go rest, and…”

“No! She won’t stop crying, she won’t take a bottle, her diaper is dry, I’ve tried everything. You can’t just lay her down! Something is wrong and I, I can’t figure it out,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry! Nothing is working, Val!” Her expression crumbled as she sobbed harder. “I’m a terrible mother. I suck.”  

Unease settled over Valentino. To see his wife, a known angel slayer, merciless ruler of hell, crumble to bits sent alarm bell ringing. He stepped into the nursery and laid the still screaming baby down in the crib before walking out to where she stood, shaking. Wordlessly, he guided her to their bedroom and kissed her forehead. 

“You are not a sucky mother,” he told her firmly. “I want you to lay down and sleep. In silence. You’ll feel better once you’ve rested, I promise. I’ll take care of the baby. You take care of yourself.” 

“I only have one job right now, and I can’t even do that right,” she sobbed. “She’s still…”

Valentino didn’t like to do it. And he knew he would pay for it in spades later. But he bent down and as he pressed his lips to hers, he allowed just the smallest drop of his red liquid slip into her mouth, just enough to make her sleep. He watched as her entire body instantly fell against the bed. Gingerly, he settled her under the covers before leaving the room, closing the door behind him. 

Though distracted momentarily, the sound of the baby crying brought him back to attention. Quickly, he walked back to the former guest bed turned nursery and lifted his daughter from her crib. 

“Shush, mi bebita princessa,” he said softly as he rocked the still crying baby. “It’s okay, Papi is here. Shush.” 

The cries continued. Valentino glanced at the clock. It had been less than a half hour since his wife had showed up at the studio and already the noise was giving him a headache. He settled down in the rocking chair and with one arm supporting her, the other quickly called the pediatrician. 

One long list of suggestions later, with the promise of a house visit if none of them worked, Valentino stood up and carried the baby towards the bathroom. 

“Does your tummy hurt?” He asked aloud softly. “Shuddh. Daddy will try to make it better. Let’s try a warm bath, okay?” 

With one hand holding her securely, the other turned on the faucet, filling the infant bath tub that currently occupied one side of the vanity. As he waited for it to fill up, he laid his daughter on the changing table and tugged off her diaper and onesie. 

“I know sweetheart,” he said softly as she continued to cry. “Let’s see if this helps.” 

As soon as the water was comfortably warm, he added a few drops of lavender oil and settled her in the tub. Gentle as he could, he carefully ran a soft washcloth over her body, cooing to her as he did. To his relief, she seemed to settle ever so slightly. 

“Did the warm water help?” He asked as he lifted her from the tub and wrapped her in a towel. “Papi will put you in some clean clothes and rub your tummy and if that doesn’t work, we’re going to try a baba again, okay?” 

Her only response was to continue to cry. Unbothered, he laid her back down and dressed her in a diaper. He hesitated slightly as he laid his hand on her tummy. The doctor had suggested a gentle massage, but the fear of hurting her- and causing more discomfort- flitted through his mind. Carefully, as gently as he could, he pressed down and gently rubbed in a clockwise direction, just as the doctor had suggested.

“Does that feel better?” he asked softly. “Does it help your tummy?”

Valentino watched her facial expression change. A green stain on the previously white changing pad slowly crept out from under her and suddenly, her cries stopped. All of his experience on the club scene had made him immune to the worst of scents, and his daughter was no exception. 

“Still better than drunk adults,” Valentino told her as he lifted her. “You’re going to need another bath though.”

To his relief, she giggled. He quickly discarded the now soiled diaper and sat her up, wiping her down with her damp towel as quickly as he could. 

“The rest will come off in the bath,” he told her. “You’re yucky. But I love you.” 

She babbled and he carefully laid her in the still warm water. A quick wipe down with a washcloth and a rinse in the open sink later, he wrapped her in a fresh towel and carried her out of the bathroom. 

“You’re lucky your Aunt Velvette designed this room,” he told her as he laid her on the changing table closest to the crib. “She thought of everything. I don’t know any other baby in the world that has not one, not two, not even three- but four whole changing tables. And two cribs. You know, just in case one gets yucky.” He unwrapped her and dressed her in a fresh diaper and onesie. “Babies are yucky. Yes they are. Doesn’t mean I love you any less, but you’re yucky.” 

Once she was dressed, he lifted her up and carried her out to the kitchen. With one arm supporting her, he made a bottle and pressed it to her lips. To his relief, she latched on quickly. He carried her across the room and sank onto the couch as he fed her, relishing in the silence. 

“She isn’t crying,” came his wife’s quivering voice. “How did you get it to stop?”

Valentino looked up to see his wife standing next to the couch, her eyes filled with tears. To his dismay, it didn’t look like she had done more than get an hour or so of sleep. 

“She had a major blowout,” he replied calmly. “A warm bath and I rubbed her belly. That’s all. Come here, bebita. Let me hold both my girls.” 

“Son of a bitch,” she whispered as she sank down next to him. “Val, I tried that, I couldn’t…”

“It was nothing I did,” he said quickly. “Just the right time. You did everything right.”

“Apparently not,” she whispered. 

Valentino set the empty bottle to the side and shifted his daughter upright. He snagged a clean cloth from the table and laid her head on his shoulder as he patted her back firmly. 

“She’ll probably sleep after this,” Valentino said quietly. “Why don’t you go take a shower? Spend some time taking care of yourself? You’ll feel better, mi amore.” He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’re a good mom. And being a good mom is a full time job, and some. I’m glad you came to find me today. You don’t have to do this alone, my love.” 

“But that's all I do right now, I shouldn’t have to bother you,” she whispered back. “I…Uncle Lucifer won’t let me work, because…”

“Because having a baby is a full time job. And recovering from giving birth is another full time job,” he replied firmly. “And you can’t go through days like today alone, without a break. You deserve to shower, and eat, and drink and do all the things the rest of us do while working. You do not have to sacrifice yourself and your sanity to take care of an infant.” He leaned over and kissed her again. “Now, please mi amore- take the next few hours to do all the things you’ve been neglecting to do.”

“Val, I…” 

“Not up for discussion,” he told her firmly. “Go.” 

To his relief, she stood up and vanished into their bedroom. As soon as he was good and sure his daughter was ready, he laid her down in her crib.

“Now, Uncle Vox has his eyes on you,” he told her as he checked the position of the cameras. “So be good. But cry if you need anything.”

She babbled in response, but stayed quiet as he turned and walked away, his eyes on the video footage of her on his phone. To his relief, she fell asleep almost instantly. 

Several hours later, his wife lay snuggled up against him in their bed. Time spent soaking in a hot bath, clean pjs, her favorite dinner and lots of rest, his wife looked more like herself.

“I married the best man,” she told him as she snuggled into his chest. “Thanks, Val.”

He looked down at her. “You don’t get to thank me for being a father. She’s half mine you know.”

She laughed and snuggled into his neck. “Yeah, but…”

“No buts,” he replied lightly. “You’re mom, I’m dad. And you have Auntie Velvette and Uncle Vox to lean on. Don’t let yourself get to that point again mi amore, promise?”

“I promise.”

[aphroditeslover11]

Secret Santa

Thanks to @nimnim-girl for her help with the ideas, couldn't have done it without you lovely 💕

Warnings: Alcohol and allusions to adultery, author didn't proofread!

It December at Los Alamos and the ground was dusted with snow. It was freezing all the time now and the mesa was turning into some sort of desert winter wonderland. The scientists were all huddled in winter coats as they moved between buildings and the army men were doing their best to look unphased by the biting wind. You were here working as an assistant to Hans Bethe who was heading the Theoretical Division. You weren’t a scientist yourself, actually studying philosophy, but Dr Oppenheimer had picked you up during his travels, intending that you would work under him before he handed the role over to his friend.

There were ten days remaining until Christmas and you were determined to try and spread a little more festive spirit around the place. Yes, some lights had been put up and you had badgered Oppie to have some carols playing over the radio of the base, but everyone still seemed miserable. You were close to the director, regardless of how much his wife hated it, and you were hoping that you might have his ear on this. At the end of another day you made your way to his office, feeling lucky that there were no other secretaries around and knocking on the door.

“Come in, if you must,” you heard, pushing open the door. Robert looked up from his desk and his face brightened a little when he saw you. Everyone knew how much pressure he was under, so it was a rare sight now.

“Please, y/n, I apologise for my greeting. I thought you might have been Groves. How are you? Do take a seat.”

“Groves giving you a headache again Oppie?”

“When is he not?” He laughed, but you could hear the weariness behind it.

“I have an idea, I want to help the others.” Robert leant forward on his desk.

“My dear, we have been through this. You don’t understand the ridiculous things that the men here are trying to do, hell, I don’t half the time. I know you’re trying to help, but there is nothing…”

“Oh lord no, you can keep your physics to yourself. I mean that you need to make more of an effort on morale.” He looked puzzled.

“What do you mean?” He took his pipe from his desk, lighting it and starting to smoke, as he always did when a matter perplexed him.

“This place is suffocating in depression, almost as much as I am right now in your pipe-smoke.”

“I can open a window…”

“I’d rather be warm. Anyway, it’s nearly Christmas, I don’t care what Oppie but please, I’m dying here, you have to do something for the season.”

~

The conversation had gone on for a while longer, the culmination being that he agreed to hold a Christmas party for all of the scientists to attend. There was already a plan, from Feynman predictably, to have a piss-up in the bachelors dorms, but you were hoping that this might prove to be a little more of a unifying force. On top of this, you had also suggested a secret Santa exchange, which he agreed to. Typically when you pulled the names out of the hat you ended up with Oppie - what on earth do you get for the  man who owns Picassos and Van Gogh paintings? 

When the day of the party finally came Robert turned up to the main hall of Los Alamos on his own, wearing a suit and tie with his usual pork pie hat. He had just had a row with Kitty who had decided to stay at home. His mood was clearly compromised, but he managed to pull a smile onto his face. He immediately made his way over to where the alcohol was being kept, fixing himself a whiskey before going to find Ravi, needing someone to take his mind off things. By the time you arrived, late after one of the typewriters had jammed itself and you were left to fix it, he was a fair few drinks down.

There was a big crowd around the director, who was telling a ridiculous story of how he had returned from a trip collecting minerals with trench dysentery as a youth. This story coming out was the hallmark of a fairly intoxicated Oppie, and Isidor gave you a knowing look as you made your way over. As soon as Robert saw you he raised his arms in a slightly exaggerated welcome, before wrapping one around you and planting a sloppy kiss on your cheek. Great - he decided that you were going to be his distraction for the night.

“My dear, how wonderful of you to finally join us. I was just telling the story of when…”

“I know Opp, you’ve told me it before remember.” You cut him off, feeling an acute sense of second hand embarrassment. 

The evening wore on and it was mostly a case of forcing water down your boss’s throat until he was sufficiently sober to go back into polite conversation. He spent most of the party trailing after you with an arm around your waist. You’d tried to shake him off but we’re getting nowhere, you just hoped that his wife didn’t suddenly show up out of the blue. It was clear now that he was ashamed of his actions, but he was slowly getting back to his usual self. After a heavy day you decided to call it quits early when you heard a shout from behind you. 

“Y/n, hang on, I need your for one more thing.” He pulled a neatly wrapped present from a nearby surface. That was when you remembered the gift you had in your bag for him. What were the chances of getting each other?

“Well this is a coincidence, I seem to have got you as well.” 

You made your way to a corner before exchanging gifts. His was slightly messily wrapped, you could picture him getting frustrated as the tape stuck to itself and the colourful language coming out of his mouth just looking at it. Yours was much more neat, complete with a bow and all. After exchanging a few words about the coincidence of getting each other in the draw you swapped, unwrapping the gifts opposite one another. Your mouths dropped open when you saw what you were holding - an anthology of the poetry of Byron, different editions, but the same work. Robert was the first to break the silence.

“Well, it would seem that we both thought alike my dear…” he was chuckling as he said it. 

“Oppie, I’m so sorry. I swear I didn’t had any idea…” You were stuttering, trying to make some sense of the situation.

“Y/n, stop worrying, I love Byron or I wouldn’t have bought it for you and I’m guessing you would say the same thing to me, yes?” You nod in response.

“Clearly we have bought the perfect thing for one another then. Let’s just say it’s a sign of how well we understand one another.” He lifted an arm to your shoulder, giving you a gentle squeeze.

“Now go home and have a good night of sleep, I think we both have a little reading to do, and I have some other things to sort out.” He placed a kiss on your cheek, though a lot more dignified than earlier, before leaving you to go on your way.

The next morning you opened the door of your room to find a singular red rose with a ribbon wrapped around the stem, there was clearly going to be more to come.

[scarletlion94]

Hidden Beast - Chapter-by-Chapter Summary (UNDEAD Song Event)

I'm starting to take notes on stories as I read them since I always tend to forget things right after reading lol

So here are my notes and thoughts and things I may have found funny as I read through Hidden Beast in Engstars!

Prologue

UNDEAD is filming a suspense-romance TV drama called "Love and Beast."

Before that, Koga was pissed off because of an offer for a variety show. He thinks doing too many of those will take away from UNDEAD's "cool" image. He mentions he would rather do drama acting if he had to choose something that wasn't live concerts.

Adonis mentions turning down a drama proposal from Scarlet (AKA Anzu/Producer but I'm using my OC name), and Koga flips out.

Rei, Adonis, and Kaoru whisper to each other that they already rejected the variety show proposal and didn't tell Koga and agree to contact Scarlet about the drama proposal.

Love and Beast Notes:

Koga is an Artist. His friend was killed as well as a second person. All of the murders happen at night. They had claw marks on their necks so they call the murderer "The Beast."

The Bloodthirsty Beast

Chapter 1:

UNDEAD is deliberating why the script doesn't have an ending. Rei says it may be so that it doesn't interfere with the acting. For example, if Koga is the Beast his intense acting could make it obvious.

Koga thinks there is no end because of the writers being behind schedule.

They then decide to try and practice together. Koga tries to tell them it's fine to practice alone. Kaoru teases him saying he's just nervous to say the lovey-dovey lines in front of them.

Kaoru then blushes when Rei says Scarlet can read the female protagonist lines during the practice.

Adonis asks if they need to turn the AC up since he thinks Koga and Kaoru blushing are them being too warm from the heat LOL

Love and Beast Notes:

Adonis is a Diplomat, Kaoru is a Club Host, and Rei is a Genius Surgeon

Chapter 2:

UNDEAD is practicing the script, Koga is still having trouble with the romantic "I don't want you to get hurt" line.

Kaoru and Adonis do demonstrations but when Koga tries again he still stutters and gets mad that he can't do it.

Chapter 3:

First day of filming - while Adonis is shooting a part, the other three members talk about who they think the murderer is.

Later, they notice Adonis struggling with the acting. Rei proposes they practice more using Scarlet to help out and suggests Operation Kabe-don.

Chapter 4:

The member's try to practice with Scarlet. Rei does a kabe-don example to Scarlet and Kaoru jokes that it reminded him of the old Rei (Ore Rei). Koga was like nah the old Sakuma was way cooler lol

Adonis is still frustrated that he loses sight of his strengths while acting because he subconsciously knows that it's just a show and not real.

Chapter 5:

During filming, despite the help from Kaoru, Rei, and Koga, Adonis is still struggling. He gets pulled aside by the Director and Koga stays behind to see what he can do to help Adonis, despite Rei and Kaoru's concerns that Adonis may be alone to be discussing film related content such as the Beast.

Koga then sees the Director begin to bow and apologize to Adonis and runs up to ask what's going on when Adonis mentions quitting but says that he can't share the details with Koga.

Chapter 6:

Koga explains to Rei and Kaoru what happened with Adonis and he is clearly frustrated.

Rei says that unfortunately they can't do anything but watch over Adonis because he won't tell them what is troubling him.

As the three of them head to Cinnamon, they see Adonis heading back to ES. Rei suggest maybe he just forgot something, but Koga is mad that the seniors aren't taking this serious and runs after Adonis.

Rei and Kaoru discuss with each other how clear it is that Koga really cares about Adonis with how worried he is awww :3

Chapter 7:

Koga spies on Adonis at ES and sees him meet up with Scarlet. They move to an emergency stairwell and the words and actions make it appear that they are dating.

Koga makes this assumption that they are dating and maybe Adonis is just uncomfortable working with a different actress in the filming that might get in the way of his relationship lol

Koga is spotted and Adonis finally explains to him the situation since Koga has already seen this much. The Director had his budget stolen for another project, and had to borrow a loan with an insanely high interest rate from a shady company. Basically if this drama doesn't do well, his career is over.

Adonis explains that he's having Scarlet help him practice romance scenes because he doesn't want his poor acting to bring everyone down.

The Dark Claw Marks

Chapter 1:

The group gathers at Cinnamon to discuss what Adonis told Koga. Adonis also reveals that his character is the Beast so he has been trying to grasp the deep feelings of the character.

Rei is concerned about the Director's financial situation jeopardizing the entire project so he tasks Kaoru and Koga with continuing to help Adonis practice while he goes to figure out the details of the debt and handle the money situation.

Chapter 2:

Kaoru asks Adonis why the Beast does what he does (meaning the murders). Adonis explains that the character has Dissociative Identity Disorder. He loses himself and becomes the Beast at night time.

While they practice, Rei meets with Madara and gets an investigation report from him. He seems excited to be helping out Rei.

Rei finds out that the lender for the loan is not associated with criminals and actually used to be in the entertainment business. Rei has a rough plan now to put into motion... (Oh boy here he goes XD)

Chapter 3:

Adonis is still practicing but nothing is helping. Kaoru and Koga seem to be at a loss on what else to do to help. Then Rei shows up.

Rei explains that he is going to go with the Director to visit the lender and negotiate the ridiculous interest rate of the loan.

The other members hate this idea and don't want Rei to put himself in any danger like this and that they should go to the police instead.

Rei says the Director would be tied up in investigations if they went to the police which would delay the drama and all the hard work of the staff and Scarlet would go to waste.

Rei then says he wants them all to go with him to the negotiation. He says if Adonis watches a real villain he might learn something to help. Kaoru reluctantly agrees to come with and Koga is pissed and says nothing.

Rei what are you planning? Lol

Chapter 4:

At the entrance to the building that the lender is in, Rei hands the others some self-defense items that he picked up from the warehouse at the filming set. Adonis takes a baton as his choice while Koga picks a knife (not sharp, just props)

They go in to negotiate the illegal interest rate but to no avail. The lender refuses to lower it and guards come in and surround them!

Adonis doesn't like to fight, but if it comes down to protecting his friends, he will do anything.

Chapter 5:

Adonis breaks the baton weapon to try to show off his strength to the guards. Then he flips a billiard table (Omg do the writers know how much those weigh?) Koga is panicking a bit since Adonis has no weapon and the guards aren't running.

Rei then says not to worry. The guards will pull back. Why?

Yep...

Yeppp...

I should have known XD

The scene was all a set up. The guards and lender were all hired by Rei to get Adonis to feel anger.

Rei explains that he and the Director did actually go to negotiate the debt though, and got an extension on it. Since the lender used to be in the entertainment field, Rei and the Director showed him some footage from "Love and Beast" to prove that the drama would be successful.

Anyway, Adonis requests to go film right away so that he can preserve the feeling of anger, but swears to only act that way in acting and never for real.

Epilogue

Chapter 1:

This chapter is pretty much just UNDEAD acting out the final scene of the drama.

Inogari (The Diplomat/Adonis), reveals that the Beast is inside him. The good Inogari chained himself up but the Beast breaks out of the chains with ease in front of the Artist (Koga), and the Detective (the female protagonist).

Chapter 2:

The scene continues. The Surgeon (Rei), and the Club Host (Kaoru) arrive with the police. The Beast takes the Detective as a hostage but grows weak to her voice as if Inogari is battling his inner Beast.

Inogari is arrested and the other three chat with the Detective afterwards on their future plans.

Then it's time for UNDEAD to film the MV!

Chapter 3:

The members reminisce on all the experiences they had while filming. Koga brings up how he thought Adonis was dating Scarlet. Kaoru is like "What!? No one told me about this!!" Aww Kaoru :3

I liked this quote from Adonis so I copied it directly from the game:

Adonis: "FORBIDDEN RAIN: This song tells the story of a forbidden relationship, depicting the pain and sorrow of a man who carries another personality: the Beast. He is struggling with the dormant beast inside. Maybe it's like love, a back-and-forth battle between reason and emotion."

THE END

WAIT THEY NEVER EXPLAINED WHY THE SCRIPT HAD NO ENDING WTF!?

[hostilemuppet]

Imagine, during quarentine, you got reaallllllllly into a Netflix show. You heard mixed things about it, people either loved it or hated it, but you decided to check it out and. What do you know! It scratches all the right itches!

Then you start to realise, hey, a loooot of the people in this community are in it because they like the actors and not the story or characters. And thats fine! To each their own! But then these people start to dominate all conversation about the characters. People will ignore what is explicitly stated in the story, because it paints a certain character in a bad light, and that character is played by their favourite actor! They are basically experiencing an entirely different story than you are, and it REALLY gets frustrating once YOUR favourite character is demonised to paint the characters played by their fave actors in a better light, despite THEIR faves not being any better than yours is!

You start to heavily dislike these characters that are always elevated to the tippy top despite not deserving it, and although you don't think they've done anything wrong you resent the actors too! But now that your rose tinted glasses are off. You realise the actors? ARE actually pretty shitty people! Nothing criminal (yet), but they're clearly assholes. You stick to your little corner of the community, and you'd LIKE to ignore them, if it wasn't forced down your throat all the time

Then more and more comes out. One of the lead roles was joking about beating women? The director (who also played the titular character) was grooming minors on Snapchat, and basically everyone on the show stands with him This? This is horrible. You feel sick. You can't support the show anymore. You leave, even though its hard and it took up a large amount of the last couple years of your life, and it hasn't even gotten an ending yet! Its been through development hell for months

You learn through your friends and mutuals who are still watching (albeit not happily. None of them support the cast and crew. But they've come this far, they just need the end) that they FINALLY released the ending, but it is increasingly obvious it was damage control. It shows the groomers character in a positive light, being forgiven by the people he abused while doing nothing to earn it. You feel even sicker

The director goes on to announce a sequel. You doubt it will happen, what with the development hell the first one went through, but you judge anyone who says they plan to join the sequel series. Anyone who willingly works with a groomer isn't worthy of support

After ages of thumb twiddling and empty promises, someone who worked on s1 (and was treated very poorly by fans. Well call him Q) announces hes directing his OWN show. Its important to him, and draws from his upbringing.

Two weeks after the first episode, the old director (well call him D) announces HE is ALSO starting a NEW SHOW! WITH THE SAME PLOT! BUT BETTER! AND HE THOUGHT OF IT FIRST! TOTALLY! BELIEVE HIM GUYS!

And people are pissed. Obviously. Q doesn't say anything himself, he's busy with his new show. But his friends, the cast of his show, make it very clear where they stand on the matter. They don't name D, but they do nothing but praise Q for his ideas, and for doing it first.

All hell eventually breaks loose. People from all corners of Hollywood show up. People you'd never think would be within 50 ft of ANY of this. Everyone takes a side. Most people are on Qs side, but are generally respectful and don't name D at all. The people on Ds side? RANCID. Qs tweets about his own show get derailed to be about Ds, and thats not just fans! From people Q once considered FRIENDS

But thats not to say the fans were angels. They were DEMONS. You say you're proud of what Qs accomplished, WITHOUT mentioning D? They tell you to kill yourself, or how they're going to kill you. There is SO MUCH racism and xenophobia directed at Q. D knows about it. He says something offhand. He doesn't care.

More and more people get involved. Q hasn't acknowledged anything, aside from liking a couple tweets that vaguely refer to whats going on. All of Ds remaining friends are choking on his dick "defending" him. They all immediately get torn to shreds, bc the only people staying with D at this point have just as many skeletons in their glass closets

Thats basically the summary of what im going through rn

[possessionisamyth]

So, while I do think a lot of the criticism of Remake Ada is in bad faith, I do think there is something to be said about how the design of the character does not match the personality they gave her.

They clearly want to portray Ada as someone who puts up a cold, professional front with a heart hidden underneath but the outfit they gave her still screams Femme Fatale and is in some ways even less appropriate than her original outfit. The animated direction doesn't help either with quite a few shots of her ass. Not that any of this is remotely the fault of Lily Gao who clearly knows what type of character she is supposed to be voicing.

Basically, the writing and acting for Ada aren't the issue, the design and visual direction are the issues.

I forgot I got this in my askbox! I can't really add much to this. You're right, but the problem isn't limited to Resident Evil. Many game franchises pull this shit no matter how nuanced they write the character's story and personality. If they have boobs, it's fair game to try and sell the sex angles. It's honestly their default most of the time.

The people who spend money and yell the loudest about the things they've purchased are the opinions that corporate will listen to. It's why we get the scene of Rebecca struggling in a wedding dress in Vendetta. It's why we got Claire tank top shot and then struggling while tied to a chair in Infinite Darkness. It's why we got that close up of Jill's cleavage with the licker tongue in Death Island. Hell, it's why you could look up Ashley's skirt in the original RE4, an aspect that a very specific group were so pissed about being removed in the remake. Maybe that's why they added all those close ups to Ada's ass and not her face. Who knows! I couldn't tell you. I don't pay much attention to the development side of media unless I have to fix a problem or it's an interesting factoid.

Also gotta take into mind who is behind most of the development process decision making. Is it mostly men? Yeah. Are there good men writers/directors who don't do this shit? Also yes. Are they the ones with the final call on all these decisions for the particular game/movie? Probably not. Which is why it happens, and why it happens so often.

I'm sure when it comes to outfit design and framing, thematically speaking, the stark contrast of Leon's old flame Ada to Leon's new flame Ashley could be used as a line of reasoning. Ada has to be the lusty forbidden fruit while Ashley is the pure fairytale princess, but I'm not here to spout bullshit with confidence. Ada was supposed to look hot and sexy in the original games. They did the same in the remakes, but due to her sweater dress they likely chose to improvise for the same effect.

Does it suck? Yeah. Is it good because woman hot and I do thirst for Ada? Idk! I'm still waiting on my fave youtuber to play Separate Ways DLC, and I'm avoiding spoilers like the plague.

I could attempt to go further into what design decisions define a femme fatale, gender expression, and how a woman and a man can wear essentially the same outfit but the woman's will be framed as more sexual or fragile due to how she's forced to move combined with the camera angles. However, I feel it's faster if you look up those mods where people replace the guy characters with girl characters in game cutscenes to see the sexism at play.

Batman and Catwoman wear the same outfit until they start giving him more armor in later iterations. But look.

Sometimes the clothes don't matter. I think there's a mod where someone switched Ashley and Leon's roles too, and you can see Leon doing Ashley's girly run versus Ashley doing Leon's manly sprint even though they both have shirts that cling to their fat tits. I'm sorry if you wanted something more nuanced than this. I'd say the only true solution to this problem if they're so insistent on selling sex is to give me more ass and bulging crotch shots of the men. It's only fair.

As for Ada's writing versus her depiction, her writing is just recently becoming stabilized and good. If they Remake RE6, we can see whether or not they learned their lesson or if these choices will keep being made regardless. Though they need to fucking remake Code Veronica first.

[cooganbegs-blog]

Waiting at the airport desperate to get home. This trip is the clusterfuck that just keeps unfolding.

I snuck out to an early quick coffee and toast to try and avoid an ear bashing from the Account Director who was messaging me a blow by blow detail of the group yoga going on, how she was making eye contact with the founder of our customer company, he winked and clearly that means they’re best mates, bla bla bla.

Unfortunately I ran into her scurrying back to my room! She proceeded to regale me stories of last night after I bailed. Why is that apparently so many great connections were made, clients tried to crack on to her, such a great night, she was hanging out and getting selfies with all the bigwigs…..she has this manner of literally just spewing story after story after story at you. It’s at the point now where I actually zone out and just nod while planning my teams priorities in my head and what food shopping I’ll need to do on the way home from the airport!

Anyway, she started outlining my day for me which I cut her short to inform her I was bailing the second my speaking spot was finished. And then the jokey passive aggressive, reminding me it’s the cost the company money, she won’t be telling the CEO that I shirked my duties and bailed early. I informed her that I would be giving very frank feedabck on the entire clusterfuck when I’m back from bushwalking and taking it up directly with the CEO and CTO.

I really found her so infuriating. I detest being treated like a child and micromanaged. And her neediness was next level. Her desire to be “one of the crew” was actually embarrassing, I was fascinated and repulse and mesmerised in equal measure!!

….she actually got a tattoo of the Anytime Fitness logo on her wrist today. WTAF???? And of course we all had st stand there for an hour to witness and video and photograph the event so it could prove just how dedicated she was. And it would be this tatto that smooth out the shitshow all the customers are pissed about.

She loves being the centre of attention, she barely introduced me to anyone. When I was bailed up on the way back from breakfast, the co-founder walked past and she started yapping to him, so I just reached across and said, “We haven’t been introduced yet, I’m Libby the Head of Product”. She simpered and banned some fucking bullshit.

She has always been super cagey about letting me near customers and in real life it was even worse. Everything was a sign that she was on the inner, “so-and-so smiled at me”, she was constantly saying “did you see that?”, of which my answer was “what?”….”oh so and so just looked my way and made a face”….I am out of all patience !!!

Anyway, nerves kicked in and she kept looking at me going “you alright?”…”you alright”…..to which I extended immense willpower to stop myself slapping her senseless to shut her the fuck up.

The actual presentation was fine, yes I was nervous. I buggered up the first slide but once I got cracking I settled and it seemed to go ok. The Senior Support Manager (the fellow introvert who also got volunteered for this clusterfuck !) was also very good. We disgraced neither the company or ourselves.

I then had to wait around during the conference lunch break to witness said tattooing while she simpered and carried on.

Then it was off to the airport, post fucking haste.

Rookie error number one: I underestimated cash and card usage. I work for a payments company, you’d think I’d know better! I don’t carry cash OR cards anymore and got caught many times. When I got out of the airport and handed old mate (so brown and shrivelled and toothlessly smiling, such a joy!) he shook his head and said, cash. I must have looked completely blank!! He pointed to the terminal and said, ATM, I wait here. And of course that sparked a sweaty trek all over the fucking airport to find the atm. Finally found it and got requisite cash. Trudged back to old mate, with an additional IDR100 for being such a stupid Australia tourist!! The smile that split his walnut-like face was lovely!

Rookie error number two: assuming the wifi in the airport would be first world enough to allow me to checkin online for my QF flight. Wrong.

Rookie error number three: assuming I could activate global roaming with my useless mobile provider.

Rookie error number four: stupidly thinking that if I get into the checkin hall, they’ll be better wifi!! So there I was stuck in limbo, in the checkin hall, can’t go forward to access food and gates, can’t go back to get a SIM card to get wifi, and checkin doesn’t open until 3 hours prior to flight which means I had 6 ducking hours on a hard seat with no facilities, no wifi.

And so I cried. I do get it was nerves, stress, frustration and a good measure of rage at my own stupidity. So I found a corner and sobbed for a few minutes. It’s been many, many years since I cried in an airport. It also took some next level willpower not to resign on the spot.

So, cry over, sucked it the fuck up, calmed down and resigned myself to a very long wait. Pulled my book out and started reading.

For some reason I just thought I’d try and get global roaming one more time. Hey presto, it worked!! It was third world slow but enough to checkin online, get a boarding pass and get through the blessed doors into the heaven that was the departure gate area.

So I’ve purchased salt and vinegar chips and resigned to reading fro the next few hours. And of course there’s no lounge here, so am out with the sweaty, white Australians! And no business class this time either!!

So I’ve decided I don’t like Bali. The people are ridiculously lovely, but I can’t do the egregious privilege on display from privileged white folks being waited on hand and foot by the brown folk. I was acutely uncomfortable the entire time. I get that tourism is good for their economy but what about their dignity.

Anyway, I have five and half hours to wait until I hie myself southward. A decent coffee in Melbourne airport before the short jump home…..and then bushwalking for six whole mother fucking days.

[i-believe-in-melinda-may]

I'm going to post this story on AO3 in about 24 hours so i thought i'd post chapter 1 here tonight.

Chapter 1

AN: Yes, I am writing another AOS/Marvel story. As is pretty standard for me I have worked out a timeline that works for me and based on in episode/movie references and what makes sense based on that rather than details that have been said outside text (such as Iron Man 3 taking place in 2013 rather than 2012, I have gone with 2012). I have again aged some characters down, changed some backstories, and change some relationships that will be explained throughout the story, it may take a few chapters for a everything to be clear.

It is important to know that this isn’t a story for anyone that liked Steve going back to live with Peggy in endgame. (to me it just felt like a way to make Peggy into just Steve’s love interested when she was sooo much more, which this story is going to explore, in ways you may not expect)

(Line break)

September 1995

For Five years Clint Barton has been an Agent of SHIELD ever since he was nineteen years old and was recruited by Agents Phil Coulson and Melinda May. Through his time at SHIELD Clint has found not only a job he loves but a place he feels like he belongs; and now there is a chance he’s going to lose it all.

Over Two weeks ago, he was sent on a mission by Director Nick Fury to take out a Russian operative, but rather than killing her Clint has helped her prove that she wants to defect and brough her back to the United States. As he paces back and forth Clint knows he has done the right thing, but he is terrified that no one else is going to believe him, which is why, despite everything else going, on he has reached out to the person he believes is going to be on his side, the person he believes will be able to help others see the potential he sees.

“This better be good,” Melinda May, looking half asleep not surprising when it’s three am, says, as she walks towards where Clint is pacing in a corridor in a basement level of the Triskelion.

“Mels, I’m sorry,” Clint says, hurrying towards her. “I know you’re on maternity leave for another two weeks, and I didn’t want to call, but I need your help… I know she can be an asset, and she wants to start over, she really does, but Fury is so pissed, I don’t know how to get him to see that,” Clint starts to explain, and Melinda can tell how desperate he is, how much he believes what he is saying, and how afraid he is that no one is going to be on their side.

“Clint, slow down,” Melinda requests, trying to make sense of what he is saying, something which isn’t as easy as it normally would be due to Melinda’s lack of sleep. “Now, who’s she? What do you want me to do?” Melinda requests, her voice even but clear that she wants straight answers, and Clint better give them to her.  

“Natasha Romanoff,” Clint answers. “She’s a Russian operative, Fury sent me to take her out… but, there was something about her… I just couldn’t do it,” Clint admits. “Mels, she wants to join SHIELD, and she’s already turned against the Russians,” Clint explains, as he knows that what Natasha did to prove that is huge. “She’s in there,” Clint says, pointing to a room that Melinda knows to be an interrogation room. “And Fury’s upstairs deciding what to do with her,” Clint explains to Melinda and as he does everything starts to fall into place for her.

“And you want me to talk to her, see if I agree with you and then talk to Fury,” Melinda realises.

“Fury trusts your judgement, if you say she deserves a chance he’ll listen,” Clint says, clearly believing that, though Melinda knows it’s not actually as simple as Clint clearly believes it to be.

“I’ll talk to her,” Melinda tells Clint. “But there’s no guarantee I’ll agree with you,” Melinda tells Clint, wanting to make that clear.

“You will,” Clint says, and Melinda knows how much he believes that.

“Okay,” Melinda says, taking her access card, which has a higher access level than Clint’s, out of her pocket and walking over to the room, letting herself in.

Walking into the interview room Melinda sees a redhaired woman who looks to be in her early twenties, but unknown to Melinda is actually older, sitting in the chair. While she is attempting to give a careless persona off Melinda knows that she is scared, that she wants to belong, and that she is determined to prove that she can be an Agent of SHIELD.

“My name’s Melinda May,” Melinda introduced,         knowing that even with her advantages she has to be careful how she handles this, especially considering she knows Natasha is sizing her up. “Clint asked me to talk to you,” Melinda says as she pulls out a chair and sits down across from her. “He believes you could be an asset, that you could have a place within SHIELD, that you deserve a chance,” Melinda explains and as she does, she knows that Natasha is shocked that Clint has faith in her. “What do you think about that?” Melinda asks, wanting to hear what she has to say.

“I think you must be an expert interrogator to be sent in here,” Natasha says, showing what Melinda already knew which is that Natasha is guarded, that she doesn’t want to give anything away, at least not until she has more of a chance to assess the situation.  

“I wasn’t sent, Clint asked me, I’m here as a favour to him,” Melinda explains, deciding that honesty is best, as she knows that Natasha is assessing her just as much as she is doing the same to her. “Natasha, I am going to put my cards on the table, may I call you Natasha?” Melinda asks, realising that she should have made sure of that.

“I guess,” Natasha responds, and Melinda knows that she is curious about her.

“Clint asked me here because he wants you both to have an ally,” Melinda explains. “I’ve known Clint a few years, I trust his judgement, and I know that he has faith in you, which is exactly why he’s gone out on a limb,” Melinda reveals, choosing her words carefully. “I will go to bat for you, something which does carry weight around here, but before I do that, I need to know that you want this, that you’re not playing Clint,” Melinda explains, realising that while Natasha is surprised by her honesty, she also appreciates it. “So, Natasha Romanoff, why are you here?” Melinda asks simply, as that’s the answer she needs to hear.

“Because I don’t want to be what I was made to be anymore,” Natasha answers, doing so without really thinking about her answer. “I… I’m good at what I do May, the best even, but that’s not who I want to be anymore,” Natasha admits, being more open than she ever is because something tells her that this is her only chance. “I am here because I want to make a change, I want to do something good for once, be a part of something, be more than I have been,” Natasha explains.

“Okay,” Melinda says, being able to tell that there is more than what Natasha is saying, but that she is not ready to share, but because of everything else she knows Natasha is feeling Melinda doesn’t need to know that, not yet. “I’ll be back soon,” Melinda says, not giving anything away as she gets up and heads out of the room, knowing that Natasha is confused by her behaviour.

As soon as Melinda walks out of the room she can tell how worried Clint is even though he has faith in Natasha.

“You weren’t in there long, is that good? Bad?” Clint asks concerned, finding Melinda impossible to read, just like always.

“It means I’ve talked to Natasha, now I’m going to talk to Fury,” Melinda says, before walking away from him without another word, leaving Clint to feel very confused as well as concerned.

(Line break)

After leaving the basement level where Natasha and Clint are Melinda heads straight up to the higher level of the Triskelion where Fury’s office is. As it’s the middle of the night and there is no current disaster going on Melinda doesn’t see another person until she walks into Fury’s office where she finds Fury, who unknown to Melinda has just gotten off a video call.

“Barton call you?” Fury asks, seeing Melinda, who nods.

“He wanted my help, my assessment,” Melinda admits, as she casually sits down in one of the armchairs across from Fury.

“Of course,” Fury says, not at all surprised by that. “I just finished getting that from your godmother,” Fury reveals, and Melinda is pretty sure she knows what was said based on what she can tell.

“I’m not surprised,” Melinda admits, knowing exactly which of her two godmothers he is referring too without Fury needing to say.

“You’re never surprised,” Fury reminds Melinda.  

“True… I’m not entirely sure I can be,” Melinda admits. “But I’m not here to talk about that,” Melinda admits, knowing that it’s probably not the best place to talk about that particular thing.

“Of course not. You talked to her?” Fury asks, and Melinda nods. “And? What do you think?”

“I think, she deserves a chance,” Melinda admits. “She wants to be different; she wants to belong… I think she can be trusted, and with time, maybe, just maybe if we’re very lucky, she’ll trust us,” Melinda tells Fury, and for a moment he looks like he is considering both what she said and the conversation he has already had about the matter.

“When you’re back she’s your responsibility, they both are,” Fury says, not asking Melinda to return from leave early as that wouldn’t be fair, isn’t something he is willing to do to her, and Melinda knows he is saying that because he wants someone, he trusts to oversee this.  

“Okay, but until I am back don’t shut her away, give her some freedoms, otherwise by the time I get back it will be too late,” Melinda tells Fury.

“That could backfire,” Fury says, showing that he doesn’t have as much trust as Melinda, something which they both already knew.   

“It could… but I don’t think it will,” Melinda admits.

“It’s your ass if it does,” Fury says, standing up, wanting to make that clear.  

“I figured,” Melinda admits, standing up too. “But that doesn’t change my recommendation,” Melinda tells Fury.

“Didn’t expect it to,” Fury says, honestly, he would be disappointed if it did as it would mean Melinda doesn’t actually believe in what she is doing, before heading out of the office, Melinda right behind him.

(Line break)

Not long after they left Fury’s office Melinda and Fury walk into the corridor where Clint is still pacing back and forth, but when he Melinda and Fury he stops pacing and walks over to them.  

“Director?” Clint asks, and Melinda can tell how nervous he is.

“Barton… with us,” Fury says, and he heads straight to the room where Natahsa is and lets the three of them in.

As the trio walk into the room Melinda can tell that Natahsa is nervous about what is going to happen, but Melinda also knows that it is something that she would never admit.

“Natasha Romanoff, welcome to SHIELD,” Fury says to her, and it is clear to Melinda that both Clint and Natahsa are surprised by that.

“Sir?” Natasha responds, hiding her surprise as she thought it would be a lot more complicated.

“You’ll be on probation for a year, and when she is back from leave in two weeks Agent May will be responsible for you,” Fury says, purposely not mentioning the leave Melinda is on as he knows how few people know that, for very good reasons. “Until then you’ll undergo skill assessments here before going on any mission,” Fury explains. “You’ll be confined to the Triskelion for now, but your movements inside won’t be restricted any more than Agent Barton’s are,” Fury tells Natasha. “Questions?” Fury asks.

“No Sir,” Natasha responds, still trying to digest everything, as this was so much more than she was expecting.

“Good, this won’t be the last time we talk,” Fury says before heading out of the room, wanting to give Natasha, and even Clint, even a chance to digest everything, and Melinda knows just how amazed Natasha is as she wasn’t expecting that.

“Thank you,” Clint says to Melinda, being sure that she has played a big part in Fury’s decision, who nods.

“You should show Natasha to the bunks,” Melinda tells Clint, before turning to Natasha. “I’ll see you in two weeks, Clint knows how to get in touch with me before then if you need anything,” Melinda explains to her, and Natasha nods.

Seeing Natasha’s nod and knowing that Natasha is feeling a little overwhelmed by everything that has happened over the past few minutes Melinda heads to the door.

“May,” Natasha says, and Melinda turns around to look at her. “I appreciate you going to bat for me,” Natasha tells her, and Melinda knows that after what she just did Natasha is worried about letting her down.  

“You’re welcome, I don’t think I’m going to regret it,” Melinda says before leaving, causing Natasha to be confused about how Melinda could know what she was worried about.

“Yeah, May just seems to know things, I don’t know how,” Clint says, recognizing the look on Natahsa’s face, as one he has seen before, one he knows has been on his face before, but what he has never had is an explanation. “Let’s get out of here,” Clint suggests, as while the bunks aren’t the most comfortable, they are certainly more comfortable than the room they are currently in, and Natasha stands up, wondering if she is ever going to figure Melinda May out, as she does.

(Line break)

After leaving the Triskelion Melinda heads back home and as she walks into her townhouse Melinda wakes the person sleeping on the couch resulting in her best friend Phil Coulson pointing a gun at her.  

“Just me,” Melinda says, not even phased, causing Phil to realise it’s her, before she turns and locks the door while Phil lowers the gun.

“Can’t be too careful,” Phil says.

“Don’t have to tell me that,” Melinda says as she walks over him, appreciating his actions. “How are the girls?” Melinda asks.

“Fine, neither have made a peep,” Phil says as Melinda sits down next to him.

“Good, thank you for staying with them,” Melinda says to him.

“Happy too, you know I’m always wiling to help,” Phil tells Melinda.

“I know,” Melinda says, knowing she will always be grateful for that.

“So? You going to keep me in suspense or you going to tell me what Clint got himself into?” Phil asks curious, as he has been wondering what was going on since Melinda left.  

“He recruited a Russian operative he was sent to take out,” Melinda explains, knowing it is the simplest way to explain that.

“He what?” Phil asks shocked.

“Yeah... he had his reasons,” Melinda admits. “He made the right call,” Melinda admits.

“Which I’m guessing is what he wanted you to tell Fury,” Phil realises, everything falling into place for him.

“Yep,” Melinda confirms. “I was the second person to do so,” Melinda explains.

“Peggy?” Phil asks and Melinda nods.

“He called her for her assessment,” Melinda explains.

“Well, she is the best person to ask about something like this,” Phil comments, as just because Peggy is no longer director of SHIELD doesn’t mean she no longer influences things. 

“Really is,” Melinda confirms.

“How’s she doing?” Phil asks curious, as it has been a little while since he seen the founder of SHIELD.

“Okay… considering,” Melinda answers. “She’s struggling, especially lately,” Melinda admits.

“It would have been their wedding anniversary recently…right?” Phil asks, wondering if he has gotten his dates mixed up.

“Yeah,” Melinda confirms. “It would have been their fortieth,” Melinda explains. “From what I was told it was a hard day, a struggle to get through, but she wasn’t alone,” Melinda says, and Phil knows exactly who would have told Melinda that, but he also knows why Melinda wouldn’t have been there.

“Good,” Phil says, feeling glad that Peggy didn’t have to experience that day alone. “So, I got the info for the next retreat,” Phil reveals, and Melinda knows that while it is not the first time Phil has received that invitation, he is still amazed by it. “I assuming the fact that it covers Hope’s sixteenth birthday isn’t a coincidence,” Phil assumes.  

“No, it’s not,” Melinda confirms. “We wanted to make sure she has something special, even if it’s not Hank who makes sure of that,” Melinda tells Phil.

“It’s what she deserves,” Phil says. “Do you really think he won’t do anything for her?” Phil asks curious.

“I don’t know, we’ll have to wait and see,” Melinda tells Phil.

“I assume we got the information about the retreat now as even though it’s months away it takes that long to make sure all of you can be there,” Phil comments.

“All of us Phil,” Melinda corrects. “You know you’re considered family,” Melinda reminds him.

“I know… but I’m like Jim,” Phil says, and Melinda gives him a look which says, ‘you going to explain that,’. “The rest of you want us to be with you, consider us family, but we’re still outsiders and may not be able to always be with you,” Phil tells Melinda, who frowns, Phil knowing that technically Fury could be in the same boat but slightly more removed.

“None of us consider you, either of you, to be outsiders,” Melinda assures Phil. “You know that right?” Melinda asks as she assumes that had been made clear, but if they haven’t then she knows it’s something that they do have to make clear.

“I know… but we didn’t experience what the rest of you experienced, what Hope, Antoine and Sharon are starting to experience, what Daisy and Bobbi will one day experience, no matter how hard we all try to protect them from it,” Phil reminds her. “So as welcome as you have made us, as much as you consider us to be family, and we consider you to be, we could never completely understand what it’s like for all of you, and that’s what makes us outsiders,” Phil tells Melinda, who realises he may have a point.

“You try to understand, that means… everything,” Melinda says.

“So, your godmother has said…. Many ways in many different ways,” Phil says, and Melinda knows he is not talking about Peggy. “My point, which I do have, is I’m glad to know when the next retreat is, but if I have to cover a mission so you can be there I will,” Phil tells Melinda, as he knows that’s more important.

“I appreciate it,” Melinda says, Phil knowing that even if that’s not always clear, and before he can say anything he yawns. “Spare rooms yours if you want to get some rest,” Melinda tells Phil.

“I might just do that,” Phil says. “Goodnight, May,” Phil says standing up.

“Goodnight Coulson,” Melinda responds, and once she does Phil heads out of the room, after Phil heads out of the room Melinda spends a few moments just sitting on the couch before getting up and heading upstairs.

Once upstairs rather than heading to her own room Melinda heads to another bedroom. Walking into the room Melinda finds her infant daughter Daisy asleep in her crib while Bobbi, her, recently turned, nine-years-old adoptive daughter is fast asleep in her bed.

Walking over to her girls Melinda checks on Bobbi, tucks her in, and places a kiss on her head, and spends a few moments watching her sleep. After watching Bobbi for a little while Melinda walks over to Daisy where she once again bends down and places a kiss on Daisy’s head, and despite knowing she is exhausted Melinda just watches her daughter rather than catching up on sleep as that’s what her peace is.

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

Where do you stand in the whole "consuming media made by shitty people" thing? Should one avoid them altogether, is it okay to enjoy them as long as you are not giving them money or the fact that a lot of people will give them money anyway make any decisions you make completely meaningless? I have heard many different opinions and honestly i have no idea what to think.

Honestly? It's more complicated that that. The majority of media made by shitty people are made by people long since dead. JKR is a case where she's made it clear that she believes any support of her media (even non-monetary) is support of her transphobic beliefs and has used her social capital to stay relevant and push her transphobic agenda, hence ignoring her media is deplatforming her. I generally take that stance on most people, when there is a single person to blame who I do not want to give my money even if I like their art. Film and tv series are more complicated, because despite the "one great creator" myth they like to push, it's art made by a large group of people. If those people's careers won't suffer by me boycotting the film based on a director or actor, I'll pass it by and not give them my money. If they do, I might reconsider.

On the other hand, it's a simple fact that cancel culture hits smaller, more vulnerable artists a lot harder than it hits the mainstream. A small-time author will receive much harsher criticism for a minor instance of ableism than a major author will for making sexism an inherent part of his magic system. People like an easy target no matter how absurd it is. Just take Isabel Fall's story "I Sexually Identify As An Attack Helicopter", where she cunningly turned a transphobic meme into a satire on the sheer absurdity of assigned gender, and in response got a lot of horrifically transphobic harassment directed at her, a trans woman, for alleged transphobia. The simple fact is internet harassment cares more for "easy to hurt" than it does for "genuinely deserves not to have a platform" and thus you have to seriously consider whether this is worth your boycott.

The final thing, which pisses me off the most, is this idea that art made by shitty people must be inherently shitty in return, and anyone who was ever enjoyed it must be a shitty person in return. Because when you hear that someone has used their platform to perpetuate bigotry, of course the most important thing is to pull the hipster "well I never liked it anyway" and smugly gloat about how smart you are, because it's easier to hurt the fans than the artist. It also perpetuates the opposite idea, that good art makes someone a good person, which has let so many predators escape justice because clearly they're too nice, too emotional, too artistic with such deep feeling in their art that they could never do anything so monstrous outside of it, which is how Woody Allen and Roman Polanski still have platforms and fans because if you like the art then you must like the person too.

The short version is, if a person is shitty enough that I don't feel comfortable giving my money to them, I don't. Maybe my singular boycott won't mean much, but it means something to me. At the same time, don't fall into the trap of assuming that the art tells you something about the person, or that shitty people can't make good art, because that's just waiting to be reversed into real harm. And always do your research beforehand, especially with smaller and less known artists, because you don't know if it's genuinely a shitty person or an internet harassment campaign based on nothing but malice and bigotry.

[queenshelby]

THE SECRET - part three of four

Featuring: Cillian Murphy x Virgin!Reader

Words: 5,223

Warning: Smut, Age Gap

Tag List: @lilymurphy03 @deefigs

@chrisevanshoeeee @desperate-and-broken

@weepingstudentfishhorse  @fookingshelby  @livinginfantaxy

@atomicsoulcollecto  @datewithgianni @mariapaiva13

Good Morning

After five orgasms, you decided that you were finally satisfied and, following almost five hours of passionate sex with a pizza delivery in between, you allowed Cillian to get some rest at about 1am. You figured that, after all, he’s more than double your age so sleep was probably something he needed more than you.

Regardless of your young age, you thought that you would both be exhausted the following morning but, that night, you could barely sleep.

You were ravaged with energy and wild thoughts about the man lying next to you.

Never, even in your wildest dreams, would you have imagined your first time being anything like this. Passionate and full of desire.

Your friends had all told you horror stories about their first times so you were positively surprised. It was pure pleasure and you didn’t want Cillian to stop making love to you and send waves of energy through your body.

After that, whilst you were incredibly satisfied, you were also incredibly sore. It’s not that Cillian hadn’t warned you about that. But you kept insisting on him giving you more and more and now you were clearly paying for it.

Cillian, on the other hand, was fast asleep. His body was certainly relaxed and comfortable. Not even a bolt of thunder could have wakened him after your fun filled activities. He didn’t even have to time to worry about how you would explain your absence that night to Emma when she found out.

You no longer worried about it. Emma still thought that you were seeing Finn despite you telling her that you weren’t. She didn’t believe you.

At about 6am you could not lie in bed anymore and decided to walk downstairs to get some coffee for you and Cillian.

You quickly wrapped your dress around you and borrowed one of Cillian’s jumpers to walk downstairs. The jumper was black and simple with a hood. It was an Irish clothing brand of some sort and you loved the smell of his aftershave on it.

The hotel restaurant just opened but, to your surprise, you weren’t the only one in need for coffee.

There was Anthony, the show’s director, getting ready for work while enjoying his cappuccino.

‘Nice outfit Y/N’ he laughed as you walked into the restaurant. You clearly looked out of place wearing a dress, sandals and oversized hoodie.

‘Oh thanks. I thought I would change things up a bit. I’ve heard it’s trendy now’ you giggled as you stood there, sore and noticeably uncomfortable.

You ordered two coffees, one double shot espresso and a latte.

‘Double Shot Espresso? Is that for you?’ he laughed. It was an unusual order and he only knew one other person on set who was ordering coffee as strong as this and that person was Cillian.

‘Uhm no’ you said shyly, hoping for no further questions from Anthony.

‘Jesus, Emma must have had a big night with her sister in town then’ he said before he excused himself to make his way to set.

You couldn’t help but giggle at Anthony’s comment and, shortly after you got your coffees, made your way back up to Cillian’s apartment.

You put his jumper back onto the chair and woke him up by giving him a kiss on the cheek.

‘Good Morning Sleepyhead’ you said as you put his coffee onto the bedside table.

‘Hey, good morning’ he said, rubbing his eyes. He instantly smelled the coffee and, after giving you a kiss, reached for the cup on the bedside table.

‘Thank you’ he said gently before asking you how you were feeling.

‘A bit sore’ you said with a smile on your face.

‘I am sorry’ he said like a true gentlemen before pulling you closer for another kiss.

After you had your coffee and spent some time making out with Cillian you made your way back to your apartment to have a shower and get changed.

Emma had already left for set and you were glad for it. You didn’t really want to explain yourself.

One part of you hated having to keep your relationship with Cillian a secret while the other part of you believed that, for the moment, it was defiantly the right thing to do.

On Set Dilemmas

Later that morning, on set, Emma met with Anthony before her scene with you.

Before you arrived, they had the opportunity to make some small talk and Anthony couldn’t help it but mention the coffee order you placed at the hotel restaurant at 6am.

‘That espresso obviously got you going Em’ Anthony laughed as Emma came walking towards him full of energy, building up some exhaustion for her next scene.

‘Espresso? I don’t even drink coffee’ she laughed.

‘You don’t? Now that is interesting. I walked into Y/N this morning buying you an espresso’ he said.

‘Y/N?’ Emma asked, before starting to laugh.

‘What’s so funny?’ Anthony asked.

‘Y/N has not been home. The coffee wasn’t for me’ Emma laughed.

‘Oh right, gotcha. Who’s the lucky guy?’ Anthony asked.

‘I think it’s Finn, but I cannot be certain’ Emma said with a giggle.

‘Finn? Yeah, I can see that’ Anthony smiled before he saw you approach him and Emma.

Anthony quickly changed the topic and began talking about the scene between you and Emma.

It took two takes to get it right and Anthony was quite happy with both of your progression.

The next week went uneventful and Cillian kept his distance from you on set. You didn’t have many scenes together during this time.

Nonetheless, you managed to sleep over at his apartment twice during this time raising Emma’s suspicions even further.

Cillian knew that some people on set were thinking that you were involved with Finn and it didn’t bother him until Finn finally found the courage to actually ask you out.

Thus, just as you were having lunch with Cillian, Finn and Anthony, Finn asked you an uncomfortable question.

‘Y/N, I was wondering if, perhaps, you would like to see a play with me on Saturday. Anthony and his wife are coming too’ Finn said, causing Cillian’s eyebrows to raise.

You took a deep breath, not knowing how to respond. Was he asking for a date or was he just being friendly?

‘Uhm, thank you for the offer, but I can’t. I am sorry. I will be in London for the weekend’ you said shyly while Cillian quietly watched the situation unfold.

‘Alright. Well, let me know if your plans change, ok?’ Finn said, causing you to nod before excusing yourself.

‘I better visit the bathroom before we start the next scene’ you said with a flushed face as you walked off. You were rather uncomfortable by Finn’s question, especially in front of Cillian.

When you were gone, Finn couldn’t help it but discuss the matter further with Anthony and Cillian, seeking some advice from them.

‘I had hoped for a different answer, but hey’ Finn said with disappointment, causing Cillian to look at him with some surprise.

‘Sorry man’ Anthony said. Until that moment, when Finn asked you whether you wanted to go out with him, he was certain that he was the one you were involved with based on Emma’s comments. He felt terrible for suggesting that he bring you along to the play.

‘That’s alright. I probably should have asked her to do something more private. Like dinner or something. Or go and watch a movie’ Finn said, causing Cillian to cross his elbows and raise his eyebrows again. He didn’t like the fact that Finn was interested in you and observed the conservation with silence.

‘Well, I actually thought the rumours that you two were involved with each other were true. That is why I suggested you bring her along to the play’ Anthony said with some embarrassment.

‘I wish they were. But unfortunately, they are not’ Finn laughed before he noticed Cillian’s silence. ‘You are a good matchmaker Cilly. Can you help me out here? Set me up on a date with Y/N or something?’ Finn asked.

‘No man, sorry. I don’t think she is interested to be honest’ Cillian said before also excusing himself. The conversation had clearly become too awkward for him.

After this strange encounter, Cillian returned to his trailer to prepare for the next scene which was to start after the lunch break in about half an hour.

Making a Claim

Not long after he sat down to re-read his script, he heard a knock on the door.

‘Cilly, it’s Y/N’ you said before letting yourself inside.

‘Are you alright?’ you asked as you observed an angry look on Cillian’s face.

‘Yeah, fine’ Cillian sighed, causing you to walk over towards him and press your lips onto his.

‘Yeah, fine?’ you giggled after you broke the kiss. ‘It seems to me that someone is jealous’ you smirked.

‘I am not jealous Y/N, I just don’t like anyone hitting on my girlfriend’ Cillian said.

‘Your girlfriend huh? Well, no one knows that I am your girlfriend’ you said with a giggle. In fact, even you didn’t know this. Until recently, Cillian kept reminding you that he wanted to take things slow especially since you are half his age and he only recently broke up with his ex. That’s a whole new tune coming from him, calling you his girlfriend.

‘I suppose’ Cillian said somewhat annoyed.

‘Well, you know, I also don’t like women hitting on you, yet it happens. Quite often in fact’ you giggled.

‘Oh common, no one hits on me on set’ Cillian laughed.

‘Barb hits on you every day’ you responded.

‘Barb? Seriously?’ Cillian asked.

‘Oh yes. Haven’t you noticed? She likes you a lot. Everyone knows that’ you smirked.

‘She is quite attractive I suppose’ Cillian said sheepishly, causing you to give him a nudge before pressing your lips onto his for a gentle kiss.

Cillian pulled you closer to him, and the kiss became demanding and insistent.

You buried your hands in his hair to pull him closer until, eventually, you had to come up for air.

You had mussed his hair quite badly, but you were certain that yours looked no better.

You stared at each other for a moment, unable to do much more than breathe.

‘Do I seem pissed off?’ Cillian asked lightly, once he had the air to accomplish words.

‘A little bit’ you grinned. ‘I think you’ve been a bit blunt around Finn’ you added.

‘Yes, because he’s hitting on you’ Cillian chuckled.

‘And that makes you territorial, does it?’ you smirked cheekily.

‘Yeah’ Cillian said while cupping your face.

‘Oh yeah? Well, then perhaps you should mark your territory’ you smirked before running your hands over Cillian’s crotch.

‘What if someone comes in?’ Cillian asked with a heavy breath.

‘The trailer locks. Besides…’ you levelled a serious expression at him…’you know what the next scene on my schedule entails, right?’ you asked, reminding Cillian that your character Yvette will be trying to seduce Finn’s character Michael Gray in the next scene after he had a fight with his with Gina. Whilst the seduction would be futile, the scene involved a kiss and some touching.

‘I do’ Cillian said with a deep voice before kissing your neck.

‘He will probably enjoy it’ he then said with some annoyance before he locked the trailer door and pressed his lips back onto yours.

‘Maybe. But then, who can compete with Tommy Shelby eh?’ you smirked as you broke the kiss for a split second before crashing your lips back onto his.

You marvelled at his dexterity and slipped your tongue into his mouth. Cillian groaned deep in his throat in response, a vocalization that you found thoroughly erotic.

‘I want you to fuck me right here’ you said in a haste as your lips drifted apart and you reached for the bulge straining against his black suit pants.

‘I don’t have a condom Y/N. Despite there isn’t much time…’ he said, trying to slow you down and, before he could finish his sentence, you interrupted.  

‘I am on the pill. Let’s make this quick’ you said eagerly before kissing him again.

This was all he needed to hear and, with one fluid motion, he pulled you away from the wall and lifted you easily to sit on the counter by the bench.

There was no time for you to get undressed. You had no more than fifteen minutes.

You worked the fly on Cillian’s pants open with little trouble and worked your prize free of his briefs. He was twitching with excitement, and you smiled to see the effect you had upon him.

At the same time, Cillian reached beneath your skirt and slipped your already soaked panties down around your ankles, dropping them to the floor besides you.

His lips met yours again as he rand his fingers through your wet slit a few times before he finally rested his cock against your entrance.

Your combined heat was feverish and you grabbed his cock, rubbing the head up and down your slit, coating him in warmth and wetness.

Cillian groaned and strained towards you, causing you to lean forward to kiss him, as you speared yourself on his hardness.

You know that, unlike other encounters you had, this would not be romantic nor would it be gentle. But that’s not what you wanted anyway. You wanted him to fuck you hard and fast. You wanted him to claim you.

You moaned into his mouth and clutched at his shoulders as he entered you.

‘Shit!’ you exclaimed, breaking this kiss. ‘Fuck!’ you exclaimed again as he thrust up into you with unexpected force.

His hands dug into your ass as he pulled you as close to him as possible.

You kept grounding yourself into him, revelling in the feeling of him inside of you. This was the first time you could feel him like this, the warms of his flesh rubbing against your tight but wet walls.

It was sensational and your hands clutched convulsively at his head.

Cillian nuzzled at your chest in between the opening of your blouse as he pumped his hips to meet yours.

You were so turned on by this point that you felt yourself already teetering on the edge of an orgasm. Usually, you would hold back from coming so quickly, but you were on a tight schedule and allowed yourself to let go.

You nipped gently at Cillian’s earlobe, and between moans, you spoke softly in his ear.

‘I am about to come’ you moaned, causing Cillian to groan. He knew what this meant. Your already tight walls would soon contract around him, sending him over the edge as well.

‘Do you want me to pull out after you do?’ Cillian asked as he continued to thrust into you.

You shook your head. ‘No, I want to feel you come inside of me’ you moaned.

The thought of him coming inside of you turned you both on immensely. It was something you both secretly fantasied about for over a week now.

With his thrusts becoming faster and more forceful, you could feel your orgasm begin to ripple through you, burning up from your core through your body, thrumming through your brain.

With his bare cock inside of you, all of you began to shake.

‘Fuck! Cillian! Yes! Fuck!’ you cried out.

You were certain that you were being too loud, but it was difficult for you to stifle yourself.

‘Shh Y/N’ Cillian chuckled just before he felt your walls clench around his cock, emphasizing his hardness.

He let out a terrific groan, and managed to choke out, ‘Fuck, Y/N’, before you felt the heat of him spurting into you.

He was not much quieter than you were and twitched inside of you, a sensation that extended your own orgasm.

You grasped at one another's bodies, overcome by the intensity. You bit your lip to keep yourself from screaming The strength of your orgasm was overwhelming, and when the shuddering pleasure at last subsided, you panted against Cillian’s shoulder.

Even through the clothes, you could feel his heart racing against you.

As you both came down from your high, you softly kissed each other while Cillian pulled out of you carefully.

You could feel his warm cum leaking out of you but you didn’t bother cleaning yourself up. Instead, you pulled up your panties stopping it from running out of you and down your thighs.

The thought of this drove Cillian absolutely crazy and he was ready for round two. Unfortunately for you, there was no time and, just as he zipped up his pants, you could hear a knock on the door.

‘Ready in five minutes Y/N’ Anthony yelled, causing your face to instantly turn red. How did he know that you were in Cillian’s trailer? Did he hear you?

You quickly straightened up your hair and clothes before walking outside with flushed cheeks.

‘Just rehearsing’ you said with heightened embarrassment as you looked down at the floor and waved your script around as you walked past Anthony.

‘Right, then let’s go’ he said with a laugh.

Accidents Happen

The scene with Finn was difficult for you to film especially now that you knew that he was interested in you.

It became even more difficult when Cillian appeared on set to get ready for his next scene.

Him watching you kiss Finn made you uncomfortable.

The scene was taking place on a boat parked at the canal and there was a lot happening around you. It was cold and raining and there you were, kissing Finn in front of your boyfriend.

After five takes due to the rain, Anthony was finally happy with the material and it was time for you to step off the boat.

It was slippery and, even with the best efforts from the team on set, you ended up falling on the ramp in your red vintage heals.

‘Shit Y/N, are you alright?’ Finn asked as you landed on the floor, taking a blow to your wrist.

Cillian instantly came running over to you and, together with Finn, helped you up from the muddy floor.

‘Now that was embarrassing’ you said, holding back some tears.

‘I think we will stop filming now and I will organise a nurse to see you Y/N’ Anthony said as the rain picked up and it started to thunder.

The outdoor scenes were cancelled for the remainder of the day and Cillian took off his big jacket, wrapping it around you as Finn and him walked with you towards the shelter.

‘Are you alright?’ Cillian asked, his big blue eyes looking into yours while he held your hand.

Anthony and Finn couldn’t help but look at you both, somewhat stunned. But Cillian didn’t care about what it looked like to them. He was worried about you and cared for you deeply.

‘I am fine’ you smiled and Cillian stayed with you until the nurse came and assed your wrist.

It was clearly sprained and you were lucky that it wasn’t broken.

‘I think she will survive mate’ Anthony said to Cillian with a chuckle as sat there and waited for you to be fitted with a wrist support splint.

‘I am just hanging around to see if she needs some help, that’s all’ Cillian responded.

‘Sure mate’ Anthony chuckled, becoming somewhat suspicious about Cillian’s behaviour towards you.

‘I think we will all need a shower and a beer. Meet you guys at the pub at 5?’ he asked, causing both you and Cillian to nod.

After the nurse attended to you and discharged you, you made your way back to your apartment.

Emma was about to leave when you arrived and you texted Cillian, asking him to come over before you would head to the pub together.

Bath Fun

Just as he arrived, your bath was ready. He was ten minutes early, as usual.

‘I will just need to have a quick wash’ you said as you were still covered in mud.

‘That’s alright, I will watch some TV while I wait’ Cillian said as you disappeared into the bathroom.

Unfortunately for you, it wasn’t long until you had to ask Cillian for help.

‘Cillian, can you give me hand please?’ you asked loudly from the bathroom as you tried to open the wrist support splint yourself without success.

‘Why don’t you leave it on and I will help you?’ he asked after he came inside the bathroom.

‘Alright, but no fooling around. We are already late’ you said.

‘Of course not’ Cillian smirked as just as he got undressed.

‘Uhm what are you doing?’ you asked surprised, unsure why he needed to get undressed in order to help you wash your hair and back.

‘Well, I am getting into the bath with you. Just to make it easier for the both of us of course’ Cillian said.

‘Of course’ you giggled as he helped you in the bathtub before getting in behind you.

Cillian went straight to business and began washing your back with the soft sponge.

That feels great’ you said, closing your eyes.

Cillian then grabbed the handheld shower head and rinsed your hair with the hot water. Next, he grabbed the body wash and soaped up your back.

Once your back was done, he reached around and washed your front where his soapy hands found your breasts and rubbed them thoroughly, his fingers playing with your nipples.

As he did, you noticed Cillian’s erection getting bigger by the second, his hard cock poking against your lower back.

‘This counts as fooling around’ you said as Cillian continued to massage your breasts.

I'm just trying to be thorough’ Cillian replied.

You wanted to give him a harder time, but you felt that all too familiar stirring between her legs.

Cillian’s hands finally left your breasts and made their way down your stomach, still under the guise of helping you to get clean. When your front was completely covered in the body wash, his hands travelled further south. You felt Cillian's slick fingers getting dangerously close to your entrance, and you found yourself opening your legs wide to allow him easier access. He didn't hesitate and slipped two fingers into you right away.

‘I knew you wouldn't be able to control yourself’ you mumbled as his fingers pumped into you.

‘Can you blame me?’ Cillian asked. ‘After all, I have got the most beautiful woman right here with me’ he added as he thrusted his fingers in and out of you, causing you to moan.

While his fingers began to thrust outwards, hitting your g-spot over and over again, his thumb began to massage your clit.

‘Oh god’ you moaned as you clenched onto the side of the bathtub but, just as you were nearing your high, Cillian retracted his hand.

‘What are you doing?’ you whined, turning to pout at him.

‘I want to try something else’ he responded.

You weren’t sure what he meant, but you saw him going for the handheld shower head again. In an instant, a strong stream of hot water was pounding against your clit. Your back arched, the sensation overwhelming.

‘Holy fuck’ you moaned, slumping back against Cillian as his fingers returned to inside of you while the harsh water streamed against your clit. His skin felt deliciously warm behind you and he aimed the stream even closer to your most sensitive spot.

You leaned your head back against his chest, and Cillian's left arm snaked around your waist while his right controlled the shower head.

‘I knew you'd like that’ he whispered into your ear as you continued to contort against him. And a few seconds later, you were wracked with a powerful orgasm.

As you tried to recover, Cillian casually rinsed the rest of your body as if he hadn't just gotten you off. You could feel he was rock hard now.

He put the shower head back into its place and guided you up so that you were sitting on the tiled edge of the bathtub, your back leaning against the cold tiles on the wall behind you.

Cillian got down on his knees in front of your and grabbed your hips.

‘Oh god Cillian, I swear, you're gonna kill me’ you mumbled as Cillian pushed his head between your thighs. His mouth went to work, french kissing your lower lips.

Cillian's tongue alternated between stimulating your clit and plunging inside you.

You put your uninjured hand in his hair and began to moan loudly as he stimulated you with his tongue.

‘You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?’ Cillian asked as his tongue ran up and down your slit, dipping into you now and then before circling over your clit.

‘Cillian, I want you inside of me, now. Please’ you moaned.

‘Impatient as usual, aren’t we?’ he smirked before plunging his tongue inside of you one more time before pulling away and helping you out of the bathtub.

After he helped you dry off, he suggested that you go to the bedroom but you had other ideas.

‘Right here’ you smirked causing the smile on Cillian’s face to fade and be replaced with a serious look in his eyes.

‘As you wish’ he said with determination just before he made you bent forward over the sink.

You looked at him through the mirror in front of you. His intensity made your shiver in anticipation and, before you even had the chance to take in a deep breath, Cillian lined himself up at your opening and gently pushed inside.

After all the foreplay, it went in so easily, as if Cillian inside you was the most natural thing in the world. His thrusts were slow and gentle, and he angled his body to ensure his weight wasn't pressing against your injured wrist.

He was clearly taking it easy with you and it felt as if everything was moving in slow motion, so you could savour every millisecond.

Cillian's thrusts started d to get a little more powerful, but still slow and controlled. He brought his face close to the back of your neck while looking at you through the mirror in front of you.

He loved seeing facial expressions and hear your moans when he was inside of you.

‘Oh god’ you moaned as your hips were rising to meet his thrusts and his lips began to kiss your neck gently until, all of a sudden, you heard Emma’s voice.

‘Y/N, are you in the bathroom?’ she asked.

‘Yes, having a bath’ you said with a hasty voice while Cillian halted his thrusts.

‘Can I come in? I need my glasses. They are on the window seal’ she said.

‘No’ you shouted. Cillian was still inside of you and his hands were still placed over your waist.

‘Alright, uhm, can you bring them to the pub when you get there, please. I just came back to get them’ she said with a laugh before leaving the apartment.

‘That was close’ Cillian chuckled as soon as he heard the apartment door close.

‘You think’ you chuckled just as you pushed back on him, indicating that you wanted him to keep going.

Cillian finally had enough of the slow pace and roughly grabbed your hips tighter. His fingers dug into your flesh as he began to pound into you.

‘Yes, that’s it’ you moaned as you closed your eyes and let your head drop forward.

‘Oh god Cillian, yes keep going’ you moaned as Cillian was hitting all the right places. Cillian's hands started traveling around your body, one grabbed a hold of your ass and the other snaked up to play with your nipples.

Cillian soon started grunting, and you knew that he was close.

‘I am so close, don’t stop’ you moaned as you ground your hips hard against him and, as Cillian gave a few final thrusts, and when you felt him cum inside you, you came too.

‘Yes yes yes’ you gasped, trying to hold on to the sink for support as your orgasm washed over you and Cillian thrusted into you hard three more times before slowing down his movements.

Once he caught his breath, Cillian was able to pull out and stand up straight and you turned around to kiss him.

‘I suppose, we will be late’ you smirked as you looked at your watch, it was 5.15pm.

‘Hmm, do we even have to go?’ Cillian asked before kissing you again.

‘Yes Cillian, we do’ you said and quickly brushed your hair and got dressed.

It took you less than ten minutes after your sexual encounter to get ready and jump into a taxi.

More than Rumours

When you arrived at the pub, everyone was already there. Finn, Emma, Anthony and some of the other crew and cast members.

‘You guys are half an hour late’ Anthony said as you and Cillian approached the table.

‘Sorry. It took me a bit longer to get ready with this thing on’ you said shyly as you sat down next to Emma and handed her the pair of glasses she had been asking for earlier.

Emma looked over at you and Cillian and noticed that you both had wet hair.

But she wasn’t the only one who noticed. Anthony also observed that you both looked freshly showered with nice and clean hair.

What he also noticed was a familiar looking jumper that Cillian was wearing. In fact, it was the same jumper he saw on you just a week ago.

‘Nice Jumper Cillian’ Anthony said, while looking at you with a wide grin. The embarrassment shot through your face in an instant.

‘Thanks’ Cillian said, somewhat surprised by his comment. Little did he know that you had misappropriated the jumper a week ago when you got a coffee from the hotel restaurant, which is when you ran into Anthony.

The evening continued by you and Cillian ordering drinks and some food while Anthony found some time to speak to Emma in private.

‘I wish I wouldn’t have listened to you the last time we spoke Em’ Anthony laughed.

‘Why is that?’ Emma asked.

‘Well, Y/N is clearly not involved with Finn’ he chuckled.

‘What makes you say that?’ Emma asked.

‘Well, I suggested to Finn that he asks Y/N to join us for the theatre next week and she declined. I figured, if the rumours were true, she would say yes. Despite, Finn then asked Cillian to help him set him up with Y/N’ Anthony said.

‘That’s interesting. What did Cillian say?’ Emma asked curiously.

‘He said no and left’ Anthony laughed.

‘So, who do you think she is seeing?’ Emma asked.

‘I think you know as well as I do Em’ Anthony said with a laugh before taking his beer from the counter.

‘Yes… at least I have my suspicions’ Emma said with a giggle as she looked over to you and Cillian.

 Note: There will be a fourth and final part. Short and fluffy with Smut!

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

This story takes place during the summer of 1987. It’s the time of the Cold War, and heavy metal, and Just Say No.

Ten chapters, each with a specific song as its soundtrack.

I’m so excited to finally share it with you.

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Also posted at AO3

—-

Chapter 3: Dancing On Glass

I've been through hell // And I'm never goin' back // To dancing on glass // Going way too fast...

Need one more rush // Then I know, I know I'll stop // One extra push // Last trip to the top...

Soundtrack: “Dancing On Glass,” Mötley Crüe, 1987 [click here to listen]

Three P.M.

Group.

Claire’s hands wrapped around the hard sides of the plastic chair, holding herself upright, watching about two dozen fellow patients? inmates? addicts? shuffle into the room.

Two people stood at the door – greeting others as they entered, handing out small packets of tissues and bottles of Coke.

Today’s facilitator – a middle-aged, bearded man – stood to one side, chatting with a few people.

“Hey!”

Claire startled – and turned to her right to see Jamie slide into the chair beside her.

“How’s it going today? Day two, right?”

She nodded. “Met with my therapist this morning.”

“That’s great! Who’ve you got?”

“Gillian.”

Jamie cracked open a bottle. “Oh, she’s great. Been here a long time. She’s married to the director – did you know that?”

Claire’s eyebrows raised. “No, but that’s really interesting.”

Jamie gulped about half the bottle in one shot. “Yeah. We owe everything to them.”

“Yeah, well. I got assigned to dinner set-up duty.”

He beamed. “Great! I’ve been on that rotation for the last few weeks. I’ll show you all the ropes.”

“Few weeks? How long have you been here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

He set down his Coke. “I don’t. And I’ve been here eight weeks. The best eight weeks of my fucked-up life.”

“Don’t say that,” she chided. “Surely everything can’t be so terrible.”

He stared at her for a long moment.

“It can be, if you were the reason why a sold-out European tour couldn’t happen, and it cost your backers and buddies tens of millions of dollars, and it pissed off countless thousands of fans.”

Now the greeters took their seats within the circle.

“Couldn’t, or didn’t?” Claire hoped her words were gentle, but when her head split with pain like this she could never tell. “And what do you mean by ‘tour’?”

His eyes narrowed. “Couldn’t. My manager said I’d come back from Europe in a body bag. He’s a bloodsucker but he had enough sense to not kill the golden goose.” He finished his Coke in one long gulp – flexing the tattoos swirling on his forearm and elbow. “And I’m a professional musician – in case you couldn’t guess from the way I look.”

“I see.”

He grinned. “How about that – someone who doesn’t recognize me.”

She folded her hands in her lap, closing her eyes against the pain, so desperately wanting to disappear. “I guess between medical school, and being a surgeon, and my ex-husband…and the pills…there are a lot of things I haven’t paid attention to.”

“Hey.” Softly he reached out to touch her knee – and she looked up at him.

“I’m not making fun of you, Claire. It’s just…I don’t know. Refreshing.”

She smiled tightly.

The facilitator clapped his hands. “Everyone – are we ready?”

People around the circle nodded, and the man sat down in the last empty chair.

“Great. Well, hi everyone. For those of you who don’t know me – I’m Murtagh. Been clean for just about eleven years now. Before that I spent a small fortune that I didn’t have – ”

“ – on enough blow to kill an elephant,” Jamie and several others chorused.

Murtagh smiled. “Wiseasses. Now – today’s topic is: clarity.”

“Can you be more specific?” A heavyset, bearded man across the circle piped up.

“You mean – provide more clarity?” Geneva snickered from somewhere near Jamie.

“Easy,” Murtagh interjected. “And yes, Rupert, of course. What I mean is: something I hear a lot from people here is that being away from substances gives them clarity for the first time in years. Clarity of thoughts – meaning, you’re logical and rational. Clarity of judgment – meaning, you feel like you are empowered to make good decisions. And overall, clarity to step away from all the bullshit that the substances made you do, or made it easier for you to do, and say – damn, what the hell was I doing?”

Across the circle, Rupert nodded. “OK. Oh – hi everyone, I’m Rupert, and I’m an alcoholic. Yeah – I can definitely relate. I wanted to not have clarity, so that I didn’t have to think about how much I was screwing up my job, and my marriage.”

“Good,” Murtagh praised. “And now that you can’t avoid it – how do you feel?”

Rupert stroked his thick beard. “Like shit. I love Scarlet so much, and I fucked it all up. I understand that now.”

“I feel the same way,” Jamie added. “Hi, I'm Jamie, and I'm an alcoholic, too. I drank because I’ve always felt so responsible for everything going on in my band – because I’m the guy that brought us together, and I’m the guy who writes the songs, and I’m the guy who’s across the table from the record company executives, advocating on our behalf.” He bounced a long, thin, jean-clad leg rapidly up and down. “I felt like I was being used, and that I was the only one who cared. I felt that really clearly. So I drank to…to avoid that clarity.”

Claire carefully watched the others around the circle. What Jamie was sharing could make any one of them a quick buck – all it would take was one phone call to a tabloid. But everyone was listening raptly – clearly thinking about parallels in their own lives – and it began to dawn on her that Jamie had one thing she didn’t have much of for herself: respect.

“And then when I drank, I’d just get really mean,” he continued. “I’d say things to rile up my drummer. I had a fling with my manager’s girlfriend, just to fuck with him. And yeah, I’d destroy hotel rooms.”

“Your reaction was to want to hurt people,” Murtagh said gently. “You had had clarity – clarity that you were shouldering too much, for too many people – and you reacted by wanting to push them away.”

“Yeah.” Claire spoke without thinking. “Um – hi everyone, I’m Claire, and I’m addicted to pills. Halcions, mostly.”

“Oh, those are the best,” a woman to Claire’s left remarked.

“Hey – no positive talk,” Murtagh interjected. “You know better than that, Letitia.”

Letitia huffed.

Murtagh turned back to face Claire. “Tell us more, Claire, if you’re comfortable?”

Now that she’d started, she couldn’t stop. “I was – am – a trauma surgeon for an emergency room. I love it – I love the adrenaline of it, and of course being able to help people on the worst day of their lives. I love being able to heal people. But…but it’s pretty heavy stuff. People die, no matter how hard you try to save them. People wake up and they’re not happy that they don’t have a leg anymore – and I say, would you rather be dead?”

“And you wanted to get away from that?” Jamie asked gently.

She closed her eyes. “I had to have clarity to do my job properly – it’s hard to describe, but it’s like having a laser focus on what’s in front of you. Getting in the zone. Shutting out everything else. And then when it’s all done – I would crash. The whole world would come rushing back, and I’d be covered in someone else’s blood and barely able to sit down before I had to work on the next person. That was so, so hard to deal with.”

“I understand.” Claire opened her eyes – it was an older man speaking right next to Jamie. “Hi everyone – I’m Ned, I’m a lawyer and crack addict, and there are a lot of jokes I’m sure you could make based on that.”

Claire managed a small smile.

“I’m a defense attorney – I’m that guy you see on TV arguing in a courtroom and presenting to a jury. I totally get what Claire said, because I needed to have that kind of really focused clarity, too. It was kind of like acting – I had to remember my argument, and I had to present it to the jury, and I had to pick up on cues from them to see how well I was doing. And then afterward I’d just crash. But I still had to have energy to prep for the next day, and that’s where Miss Crack came in.”

“So what I’m hearing is that clarity is something you already had – and then you turn to substances to get away from it.” Murtagh folded his arms. “Because it’s hard to flip that ‘off’ switch. And then eventually, the substances change from being something to take a vacation from that clarity, to completely blocking out that clarity altogether.”

“Exactly.” It was easier for Claire to focus on Murtagh than the sea of faces surrounding her. “And it’s a deliberate choice. I’m sure, Ned and Rupert and Jamie, that you deliberately sought out something to prevent that clarity. I know I did – I wrote the prescriptions for the pills that I consumed.”

Rupert nodded. “The bottle didn’t pick itself up and pour the liquor down my throat. And you’re right, Claire – at first, at least, it was a conscious decision. Until it became something I had to depend on.”

“I think that there are ways for this to happen more positively.” A woman seated beside Rupert quietly spoke. “Oh – hi, everyone, I’m Marsali, and I’m an alcoholic. What I mean is, there are ways to flip that ‘off’ switch that aren’t so…destructive. You can go for a run. Listen to music. Cook a meal. Watch a movie. Make love to your significant other.”

Murtagh nodded. “Marsali brings up a good point here. I’ll repeat something that I’ve already told many of you before, because it bears repeating. Substance addiction is addiction, first and foremost. All of us are here because our brains are hard-wired for addiction. We can’t change that. But we can change what it is that we’re addicted to.”

“Like what?” Letitia had calmed down a bit, but clearly she was skeptical.

“Whatever works for you,” Murtagh shrugged. “Jiu Jitsu. Flower Arranging. Reading. Playing the drums. Writing. Riding motorcycles. Not all addictions are bad – we just need to find the addictions that help us, and don’t hurt us or the people around us.”

Everyone’s heads nodded in agreement, quietly reflecting.

“So – that’s my homework assignment for all of you.” Murtagh pulled a small spiral notebook from his pocket, flipped to a fresh page, and began scribbling in it. “To think about the thing that you can become positively addicted to. Something you already enjoy, or something you’ve never done before. But I hope that even just thinking about it will give you focus. Improve your clarity.”

“Got it,” Ned said quietly.

Murtagh flipped back to an earlier page in his notebook. “Now – I have here my notes from the last time I facilitated Group. OK if I start going around and asking people for follow-up thoughts to those? Rupert?”

Rupert nodded, and began to speak.

“Facilitators take turns hosting Group every fourth day.” Claire started a bit, but held steady as Jamie leaned in close, spoke quietly into her ear. “We talk about things, and we’re assigned homework, and then the next time the facilitator is back we talk about it.”

“Thanks,” Claire murmured.

Jamie didn’t pull away. “If you ever just want to talk…”

She swallowed. “Thanks. I do. I just – it’s a lot to process.”

“It is. But you’ll get there. Talk more at our dinner prep.”

With that he pulled back, and a low buzz settled somewhere between Claire’s ears as the people around her chimed in to the conversation.

[spunsugarmusings]

Old Man Henderson (The Director's Cut) Starter Sentences

Change pronouns as necessary, TW for cursing, drug references, and religion bashing. Some entries have been edited for clarity.

"He has no concept of collateral damage, or inside voice."

"I know you're thinking about leaving, but I want you to stay. I want you to watch what I'm going to do."

"I've done something. I'm not sure if it's a good thing yet."

"I've created? No, created is the wrong term; I feel like it was already there, waiting for me to give it life."

"Is (Blank) his first or last name?"

"Man, I don't even fucking know."

"You know, I still remember the first time I got high, in the back of my older brother's van. Must have been some good shit, too, because I was an only child."

"MUCKLE DARMED CULT! WHERE THE NAMBLIES ARE YOU KEEPING ME WEE MEN?!"

“It’s the ugliest fucking poodle ever, oh god!”

“Killing that many little people would probably constitute a hate crime.”

"Never mind that he totally just leveled a church with the speed and brutality of the fucking Spetsnaz."

“I need a minute, or, ten.”

“I brought out the big guns; I don’t even think I have the small ones anymore. I think I was given some once, and promptly returned them. “Won’t be needing these,” I said.”

"So when I ended the last story, we had a dead shoggoth, a burning building, a bunch of MIA lawn gnomes, and we totally just ordered some bitchin' Chinese food."

“I need a man who’s good at finding things, has no great love of religious loonies, and doesn’t mind shooting an ugly-ass poodle or two.”

I’m not saying it was cultists, but I’m pretty sure it was cultists. Or aliens, but that seems unlikely, given the circumstances.”

“How do you fucking steal 40 thousand dollars in decorative lawn fixtures?”

"The antique gnome collection was my retirement plan."

“Any man who can afford to have forty grand in lawn gnomes lay around can write a paycheck.”

“Don’t tug on this particular string, just. Don’t.”

"You kiddin'? I NEED to see how deep this rabbit hole goes."

“Found out what the nasties are weak against. Point blank annihilation."

“Tell you what, if we catch the guy, I’ll hold him down while you kill him.”

“What the hell kind of evil cultist just fucks around in the living room when they have a creepy cellar to play with?”

"What the bloody all loving fuck hell are you doin?"

“The dice land as the dice land.”

“We all have in us some quality or two that might be detestable.”

“Now all the internet knows you done goofed.”

“Does this shit happen to you on a regular basis?”

“Fuck it, there’s a Best Buy and a video rental place around the corner, I vote we get one of those portable DVD things and rent a movie.”

“Let’s get baked and watch something funny.”

“Turns out, cults aren’t as awesome as she thought.”

“Tell you what, memory’s the first thing to go, followed by memory.”

“If you’re old enough to kill cultists, you’re good to drink.”

"You guys are clearly having a laugh at my expense. I don't mind that, but I'm not getting the joke and it's pissing me off."

“Maybe if you didn’t burn down everything, we’d have more to work with.”

“We wave a scorched earth sorta war here, kid.”

“The Hell’s an internet?”

“Sadly, google has zero results under "gorram poodle fuckin’ cultists”.“

"Dude, I fucked a shoggoth and you’re creeping me out.”

“The enemy of my enemy would make an excellent disposable asset for the given value of a friend.”

“I came to reenact a James Bond movie and be thrown out under an assumed name. With your hilariously liberal gun laws, that should take most of my holiday.”

“These morons will make for EXCELLENT cannon fodder.”

“I fully expected to crash that thing in a field, followed by the entire fucking military.”

“All that mattered at this point was that our deaths were long, glorious, and brutal.”

“We managed to briefly steal a tank from the National Guard and drive it right through a bunch of zombies at a shopping mall.”

“Something I learned early in life, is nobody expects a sucker punch from someone they underestimate.”

Ain’t nobody gonna mourn me or give a shit that I even lived.“

"Well I’m either in Hell, or Utah. Utah, knowing my luck.”

“That better not be a fuckin’ mirage.”

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 09 first part

(Masterpost) (More Canary Funsies)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

This episode features so many eternal minutes of zombie shambling that I thought I could fit everything into a single post. HA HA HA HA nope. 

Zombie Temple

The trio do their best to fend off the not-zombies in the temple. Lan Wangji tells Wei Wuxian that he can’t go carving them up because they’re not actually dead, and drops a callback to their very first meeting at the gate of Cloud Recesses, when Wei Wuxian caught his attention with his pillowy lips comment on the not-dead cultivator. 

Lan Wangji: You said it in that golden moment that will be seared into my memory for eternity, where I heard your voice and laid eyes on your angelic face and lost my heart forever, remember? Come on, babe, it was our very first zombie! How baked were you?

Wei Wuxian: I jerk off to the sword-fighting memory, not the zombie memory, you weirdo.

Nie Huaisang’s fear of the definitely not undead has apparently gotten him the rest of the way over his fear of Lan Wangji, because he’s now yelling “Lan-Xiong!” right along with “Wei-Xiong!” as he struggles. Note that although he later mentions that his fan is made of some fancy metal, we don’t see any evidence that he wants to fight with a fan any more than he does with a blade. I don’t hate anyone’s fan-fighting NHS headcanon, but my take is that he just isn’t a physical fighter, and that’s ok. 

This is a good time to remember that our entire experience of the Nie clan so far in this story is 1. Clever but hopelessly combat-unready tiny artiste Nie Huaisang 2. Quietly helpful, absurdly pretty sidekick Meng Yao. 

We don’t know yet that Nie Huasang’s gege and Meng Yao’s sugar daddy is literally the toughest motherfucker in the entire cultivation world. But his friends do! Which makes me love these dynamics even more, because not one of them criticizes Nie Huaisang for being the person he is. 

(more after the cut!)

Never Let Me Go

This scene is where Wei Wuxian gives his tacit consent to being used as the eventual agent of Nie Huaisang’s vengeance....ok not really.

But he does make it clear what Nie Huaisang should do when he’s in a pickle. And NHS doesn’t forget things.

Priorities 

Meanwhile, Lan Wangji isn’t nearly as patient as Wei Wuxian, and he drops a silence spell on Nie Huaisang basically out of annoyance. It’s not like they’re trying to be sneaky. 

Lan Wangji: How about you have an exquisitely crafted ceramic cup of shut the fuck up?

Flute Girl

Wen Qing comes to the rescue by summoning all of the not-zombies, who happen to be her extended family, to come toast some marshmallows. 

She’s another person who unwisely demonstrates, where Wei Wuxian can hear her, the power of flutes over zombies. 

This move doesn’t seem to do anything important but it looks cool. 

Brother Dynamic: Bad. Really Bad. 

Jiang Cheng shows up in the temple and trolls everyone, because this is a great time for childish antics. Wei Wuxian is super happy to see him and runs over to hug him, which earns him a shoulder slam. 

This is a regular part of their body language with each other. Wei Wuxian covers his hurt reaction very, very quickly, with a smile that doesn’t involve very much of his face. 

Ow

Wei Wuxian is so good at pretending his feelings aren’t hurt, he probably convinces himself. 

Then he gives a too-honest answer when Jiang Cheng accuses him of...daring to enjoy himself, basically.

That’s more truth than Jiang Cheng was looking for, and he raises a hand to Wei Wuxian, who hides behind Nie Huaisang. This move is interesting because on one level it’s just clowning; obviously Nie Huaisang can’t protect WWX from anything, and WWX doesn’t need protection from Jiang Cheng. 

WWX can easily beat JC in a fight, as he’s let us know before. On another level, this retreat signals WWX’s harmlessness, his childlike-ness, in a semiotic dance that has been playing out for over a decade between the brothers.  NHS is taking on Jiang Yanli’s role in the choreography, this time.   

All of this troubling hostility doesn’t make Jiang Cheng a bad person. He’s young and he’s still under his parents’ control and subject to their abuse at home. It takes time to develop mindfulness about this stuff and learn to treat people beneath you differently than the way you are treated. 

Jiang Cheng isn’t ready for that yet, any more than he is ready to say out loud that he cares about his brother. 

Leave My Boyfriend Out of It

This interaction is noteworthy for Wei Wuxian defending Lan Wangji to his brother, before Jiang Cheng even has a chance to blame Lan Wangji. 

Wei Wuxian says that following Lan Wangji was his own idea, and then gives LWJ the sweetest, warmest smile.

Lan Wangji also gets a pair of totally unearned, delighted smiles of thanks from his two besties when he lifts the silence spell on Nie Huaisang. 

Being mildly dickish all the time works out fine, I guess, if you only make friends with people whose brothers are legendary grouches.

Grilling Wen Qing

Wei Wuxian finally decides he’s had enough of Wen Qing’s crap, and gets slightly aggressive in questioning her.

He’s not actually roughing her up but he is approaching her as a near-enemy for the first time, rather than as someone who wants to be her friend. Once Wen Qing tells him what’s up and agrees to a sort of temporary alliance, he goes back to being his normal slightly awkward self with her. 

I don’t romance-ship WQ and WWX, except maybe as corpse-mountain era FWB, but I do like their chemistry. And their friendship is really refreshing and interesting, based on sharing goals and working together, not on emotional intimacy. It’s nice to see people with a lot of barriers around their hearts, building a strong, trusting bond without having to actually open up very much.

The idea of perfect sharing between people is a nice one, but it’s pretty alien to many of us who are recovering from trauma, or people who just aren’t wired that way, and it’s good to see other models of friendship and love. 

Wei Wuxian, at Lan Wangji’s direction, parts the Red Sea drops a cage on the other 3 cultivators before going to hunt the dire birdy.  

Jiang Chang is, predictably, pissed off about it, in spite of Wei Wuxian’s “you’re good at this” parting words, and says, according to the subtitles, “you bastard!”

“Bastard” is a pretty specific epithet, in English. In the current century, it’s generally used to mean “asshole,” more or less. But it still does carry the meaning “of illegitimate birth,” and since The Untamed is often concerned with legitimacy it seems pretty strong for JC to use with someone who is rumored to be his own Dad’s by-blow. 

Let’s have a look and see what he really is calling him... 你混蛋 =  Nǐ húndàn = “you bastard” per Google translate. Wow, Jiang Cheng, you really went there, huh. 

Wen Granny

Wen Qing and the others in the golden cage watch as the not-zombies try half-heartedly to get to them. Wen Qing is super sad about it, as opposed to the two guys who are just annoyed (Jiang Cheng) or scared (Nie Huaisang).

The first time I saw this, it was just - oh, Wen Qing sympathizes with this poor random woman, she feels bad about what's happening, this is to show us she has a heart.

Now though --  that's HER granny. Maybe not her bio-grandma but clearly a granny of her clan, who she knows well, who later cares for A-Yuan when he's a child, so may very well have cared for A-Qing and A-Ning when they were small, too. Owie.

Dire Bird Hunting

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian run off to hunt the smoke bird together. They are quickly trapped in cool-looking fog. Kudos to the Director of Photography.

They spend some time being confused and also being peak Wangxian 1.0 as they help each other out. 

Lost in the fog and unable to summon talismans, Wei Wuxian is mainly about checking on Lan Wangji, making sure he’s ok, making sure he’s near.  He doesn’t spare any worry for himself.

(We get a rare instance of seeing an actually glowing sword here, instead of just having a character say “I saw the beams of swords!” to save money on VFX.)

Lan Wangji, meanwhile, understands the mental attack they are under, explains it to Wei Wuxian with only a little snark about Wei Wuxian’s overly busy mind, and teaches him how to handle it.

Lan Wangji is super disciplined in mind, body, and sword - his fight moves don’t change, really, throughout his life, but he gets better and better at execution. Wei Wuxian isn’t exactly undisciplined, but he’s super creative and busts out a new skill in nearly every encounter. Lan Wangji sees this and is learning to make use of it.

After Lan Wangji helps Wei Wuxian overcome the confusion that is blocking his talisman use, he tells him which talisman to use. 

This isn’t a talisman that LWJ uses himself, it’s just that he’s paying very close attention to WWX’s battle moves, and has a great memory, so he knows which ones will work. In a pretty short timespan he’s moved from thinking like a solo swordsman to thinking as part of a team with a broad range of battle skills. Very soon, he’ll be starting to use Wei Wuxian’s talismans himself. 

WWX takes a hit from the flying death chain, but uses it to his advantage, as in so many encounters. He’s not just self-sacrificing--he is definitely that--but he’s also a chess player, knowing how to use a sacrifice or an injury to his advantage. Cue Lan Wangji being worried for the entire rest of his life.

Part Two is here!

[tommodirection]

Little Sister

Harry Styles x Tomlinson! Reader

Word Count: 3.3k

Warnings: swearing, playful mentions of Larry

Masterlist

A/N: Heylo! I hope you enjoy this! I’ve been working on this for about a month now, never being able to finish it, but I decided to sit down and finish it tonight instead of wallowing in self-pity! The Larry mention at the end is meant to be funny and playful, not something to take seriously! Thank you and have a nice day! ❤️💕🥰

—

When your brother went to audition for the X-Factor in 2010, you expected him to come home after, maybe with a signed record deal, maybe not, but home nonetheless.

Instead, he was put into a boy band with four other boys, and moved out. Your mother was proud, of course as anyone would be, but that also meant her oldest child had left the nest.

That left you, now the oldest in the house, and your four younger sisters. Your mum was handling it the best she could, but with Mark out of the house constantly, it got stressful for her.

You didn’t like Mark that much, sure, he was nice, and he treated your mother alright, he just didn’t seem like a commitment kind of guy to you.

You were adopted shortly after your mum left Louis’s father. Mark was accepting of the fact that she already had two kids, but became a bit offended when she took your side in an argument instead of one of their kids.

You loved all your siblings equally, well, Louis a bit more than the other girls, but you still loved them no matter how their father acted.

When Louis left, you were left to help your mother with the other girls, Mark not being much help. You were often left to help them get ready for school, get ready for bed, and you even had to run errands for your mother.

Since you were only 16, and hadn’t gotten a driver’s license, you had to walk almost everywhere, but you didn’t mind, not when you were helping your mother.

Having a brother who had recently become a famous member of a boy band, also meant you had to watch all the girls at your school drool over him. This also meant that a lot more people were trying to be friendly to you.

Most of the girls at your school loved Louis, probably because they thought they had the best chance with him, not that they had any chance.

However, you preferred Harry. You always had a soft spot for sweet boys with curly hair, but this time felt different. It probably was just a silly little crush, you’d obsess for a few weeks and then get over it.

You were so, so wrong.

You watched your brother and his mates smash their way through the charts for the next two years, becoming the best boy band of the generation.

The whole family was immensely proud of him, even Mark. You were particularly proud of Harry, though the rest of your family didn’t really care.

The small crush hadn’t faded, instead it had grown in the past two years, each time you saw him on a photo your brother sent, or on TV, you flushed and your heart started racing.

He was just perfect. Perfect hair, perfect eyes, perfect dimples, perfect smile, perfect lips, perfect everything.

It honestly kind of upset you sometimes.

There you were, the sister of one of his best mates, same age as him too, and yet you had never met him.

That all changed when the band went to Madison Square Garden at the end of the year.

Since you were eighteen and finished with college, you were allowed to go with your mother to go see Louis perform.

As you and your mother approached the stadium, you felt a wave of awe wash over you. Your brother’s face was on the fucking front of Madison Square Garden. He was getting paid to be here.

Where the fuck did you go wrong?

The driver that Louis had hired pulled up in the front, allowing you both to get out along with Liam’s mum, Karen, who was a lovely lady.

You all climbed out of the car onto the busy New York City street, people busling past your trio to file into the large arena.

Your mother grabbed your hand and Karen’s as well, pulling you both into line.

Meanwhile, the boys were sitting in front of the camera, discussing their feelings about the upcoming show. Zayn and Liam were currently in the dressing room, and Niall was finishing his dinner, so Louis and Harry were left to be interviewed.

“You know, this is a big show for us, obviously,” Harry said, trying not to be gesticulative as he spoke, nerves buzzing through his body.

“Yeah, of course it’s big cos it’s MSG, but this is also the only one that all of us have at least one family member in the audience. Liam, Niall, and Zayn have their mums, Harry has his mum and stepdad, and my mum and sister are coming, which is of course rattling, you want them to be proud of you,” Louis said, leaning back on the couch.

Harry paused for a moment, “Wait, which sister?”

“Y/N, she’s finished with school, so mum let her come down, she’s ecstatic,” Louis smiled and Harry nodded, trying to keep a straight face for the camera.

He had never met you, he’s only heard stories from Louis, and seen pictures that his mum always sent him of all the girls.

He thought you were adorable, who wouldn’t? He wouldn’t call it a crush, he hadn’t even met you. However, there was definitely something about you that drew him near you.

Once you had gotten inside, Karen insisted on going to buy something. The concert was starting in a few minutes, so there weren’t many people at the tables, most already in their seats.

She was beaming, looking at all of the stuff with her son’s face on it, your mother bearing a similar smile. Karen spotted the cardboard cutouts of the boys. And her eyes lit up.

She rushed to buy one, your mother chuckling, but you could tell she was contemplating on buying one herself.

The pair began to walk away, the camera crew following them, but you stayed behind, stepping up to the cashier.

Your mother must’ve noticed you weren’t there, as seconds later she was at your side, rubbing your arm lightly.

“Whatcha buying?” She asked, humming as she moved her hand to your upper back.

You felt yourself flush as you ordered the Harry cutout. Your mother was laughing her arse off, clutching her stomach as she doubled over.

You felt embarrassed, but understood her reaction. Karen turned around to see the commotion and saw the cashier handing you the Harry cutout. She gave a light chuckle and waved you both over.

Your mother pretended to wipe a tear from her cheek, smirking at you, “Aw, my baby’s in love!” She teased and you bit your lip.

“Shut up,” you mumbled weakly.

The camera crew saw the interaction, getting the whole thing on tape. As you passed the camera, you gave it a small, awkward smile, stuffing the Harry under your arm.

The show was amazing, you didn’t expect any less.

The boys were energetic, entertaining the audience as they jumped and ran around the stage, clearly enjoying themselves.

You were placed in the front, along with the other mothers and Robin, Harry’s step-father. During Louis’ solos, you and your mother would cheer the loudest, the others doing the same for their respective child.

Each boy came to wave to all of you, grinning as they sang. Louis just made a funny face at you and your mother, almost missing his cue.

The other boys did similar things, running to wave while they were singing, but Harry hadn’t come over yet, something that was clearly disturbing Anne.

During a brief break in between songs, Harry came to sit on the edge of the stage in front of all of you. The fans surrounding you all were screaming, some laughing when he gave a bashful wave.

He brought the microphone to his mouth, interrupting Liam’s monologue.

“That’s my mummy!” He pointed to Anne, making her giggle as he bounced up and down where he sat. “Hi mummy!” He yelled, giving an over enthusiastic wave, the audience loving every second.

A grin spread across your face, watching the interaction warmed your heart. Anne was loving it, she blew Harry a kiss, and he caught it, pressing it to kiss cheek.

“I love you mum,” he said, seriously. The audience and all the boys on stage letting out a sweet ‘aw’.

“I love you, Hazza!” Anne tried to yell above the audience, her voice being drowned out, but Harry understood her perfectly.

He turned his attention to the rest of you, “Hi everyone!” He waved again, his grin still just as wide. His eyes scanned over each of you, and his met yours. “Y/N? You’re Lou’s sister, right?” He asked and you nodded, trying to ignore your mum poking your arm. “Damn!” He yelled and you felt yourself gaping, Louis standing up quickly.

“Excuse me?” He asked, in mock offense.

Harry realized his mistake, “No, no, no! That came out wrong,” he turned to you, “I didn’t mean any disrespect, I just mean that I imagined you being like,” he held up his hand a few feet off the ground, “this tall based on how Lou described you, and that is certainly not the case,” he affirmed and Louis playfully rolled his eyes.

“Sure,” he dragged it out, “I’m sure that’s what you meant,” he joked, and Harry stood, brushing off his bum.

“Anyways! On with the show!”

—

A few months later, the boys sat huddled around a table in the film director’s conference room.

The film was finally completed, and the boys were invited to watch it and suggest changes. The boys were a bit into the film now, mostly taking the piss out of it and teasing each other.

Then came the footage from Madison Square Garden.

The boys stayed silent the whole time that the mothers were speaking, being quiet for the first time since the film started.

After showing the mothers’ thoughts on them performing at MSG, it cut to the interviews backstage. It was mostly just the boys’ preparation. Harry and Louis’ interview showed up, and the teasing started right up again.

“Louis, did you see the way his face lit up when you mentioned Y/N?” Liam said through laughter, Zayn and Niall laughing with him.

Harry was glaring at the boys, trying to avoid looking at Louis, a furious blush coating his cheeks. Louis was trying to hide his smile, looking at Harry out of the corner of his eye.

Truth was, he didn’t mind at all. Sure, it was a little weird, but he knew Harry, and Louis knew about your little crush on him, your mum had told him about it and had even sent pictures of the Harry cutout, now set up in your room. He would rather you date Harry than some random kid from Doncaster. You and Harry would work well together, he may even dare to say you were perfect for each other. There was only one problem; you hadn’t met.

The boys had finally calmed down and the rest of the film continued. While Liam and Niall were talking about the time they had to be smuggled through a bread van, Louis took his chance. He leaned over, catching Harry’s attention, “Don’t listen to them, if I’m being honest with you, I wouldn’t mind if you dated my sister,” he whispered, Harry immediately getting flustered.

“I, what? I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re mad,” Harry mumbled and Louis chuckled, patting Harry’s knee.

“It’s alright lad, no need to explain yourself.”

The topic wasn’t brought up again until the movie came out.

Well, it technically hadn’t come out yet. Each boy was allowed to stream it at their home, they were sent digital copies. Louis had invited you over to watch it a week before it officially came out, and of course you had said yes.

You decided to spend the week with him, needing a break from managing the house with your mother. You had felt guilty, seeing as it was now her alone, Mark had left early on in your brother’s departure. Although, Dan, her new fiancé, was there to help out a bit.

You pulled up outside his apartment building, parking and grabbing your bag from the passenger’s seat. You made your way into the apartment, keeping your head down as you knocked on the door.

Louis opened it, throwing his arms open with a large grin on his face. You set your bag down, giggling as you wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tightly.

“I missed you,” you mumbled into his chest.

“I missed you too,” he said, swaying with you in the doorway for a moment. He pulled away, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited someone else over too!”

“I don’t mind,” you said, squinting at your brother, why was he being so cheeky about it?

“Great! Alright, come on in! Harry’s on the couch, and before we watch the film, we’re gonna watch interviews!” He ushered you inside, grabbing your bag.

You stopped once you had entered the house, turning back to Louis, “Hold, go back there for a second, did you say Harry’s here?” You asked, quickly panicking.

You were answered by a voice behind you, “Louis, is your guest…” Harry trailed off as you turned around. He gaped for a moment, clearing his throat quickly, “Oh, uhm, hi Y/N, Louis didn’t say you were coming,” his eyes left you to quickly glance at Louis.

“Hi,” you mumbled, biting the inside of your cheek.

It was quiet for a few moments, and Louis interjected, “Ready to watch the interviews?” He asked, not even waiting for an answer as he dragged both of you to the living room.

He sat down on the couch, pulling you and Harry on either side of him. “They sent me a weird version they made that has the interviews first, and the movie immediately after,” he leaned over and picked up a napkin he had set on the table.

On it were two times stamps, one that was pretty early on, and one that was presumably later in the film. He scrolled on the TV for a moment, getting the setting right and pressing start once the DVD was processed.

He began to fast forward through most of the interviews, you were a bit confused when he came to a stop in the middle of the interviews. You were about to say something, but he turned the volume all the way up, pressing play.

“If you had to set up your sister with one of the band, and you could trust them, who would it be?” The interviewer asked, leaning forwards as she spoke.

Liam and Zayn erupted, “None, none of them!” They both chided, clear looks of disgust on their face.

Louis sat contemplating for a moment, both Liam and Zayn looking at him with knowing smiles, “I have an ideal pair in mind, I’m not going to verify who, the lads already know who it is, my sister doesn’t, but I’ve got a plan,” he smirked, nodding enthusiastically.

The Louis next to you looked at his napkin again, fast forwarding it again, this time you were sat for a little bit longer, the tension in the room growing thicker. Both you and Harry had a feeling that he was talking about you guys, but neither of you dared say anything.

He unpaused it again, this time it was the actual film, iit showed you and your mum, along with Karen, it was the MSG footage.

You began panicking, trying to grab the remote from Louis, “Louis, Louis, turn it off, turn it off!” You yelled as you tackled him, reaching for the remote he was holding high.

He ducked to his side, quickly stuffing the remote down his trousers as the film continued playing. He gave you a triumphant smirk, but you narrowed your eyes, “don’t think I won’t look in there,” you threatened, and he shot up, running to the washroom, giggling the whole way.

You let out a grunt of defeat, collapsing on the couch and shrinking in on yourself, hiding your face in your hands. “Oh god, ‘m so so sorry Harry,” you grumbled, sinking further into the couch.

Harry let out a low chuckle, “It’s alright, love. I’ve already seen the movie,” he admitted and you let out an exasperated sigh.

“Shit,” you mumbled.

“Hey, nothing to be embarrassed about,” he assured, you felt him put his hand on your knee, making you flush even further. “In fact, if the roles were reversed, I probably would’ve bought a cutout of you too,” he began rubbing a small circle on your knee.

You removed your hands from your face at his confession, looking at him in confusion, “Wait, really?”

“Of course! When we first got together as a band, you called Louis, and he stepped outside for a minute to talk to you, when he got back, he had the biggest smile on his face. At first we thought that it was a girl he’d been talking to, but then he told us it was his sister, and I just had to know more about the girl who made him smile that big. He began talking about you, and about your other family of course, but I couldn’t stop thinking about how he described you, then he showed me pictures, and you just blew me away, as cheeky as it sounds,” he laughed lightly, your eyes traced his profile, “then I saw you at MSG, and I was even more shocked, you were much more mature than the last picture Louis had showed us. I couldn’t stop thinking about the girl who smiled brighter than sun, the one who loved her family more than anything, the one who could make anyone laugh just by speaking, and I hadn’t even met you! But now I’ve actually met you, and even seeing you wrestled with Louis earlier, it confirmed everything I already thought.” He paused, his eyes opening quickly, “I-Uhm, if you don’t like any of that, you can just ignore all of it.”

You sat in disbelief, joy overwhelming you, “Wait, so you like me?”

“I mean, yeah, if that whole speech wasn’t convincing enough, I can show you my diary,” he offered, and you put a finger to his lips.

“As tempting as that is, I really want to kiss you right now, is that alright?” You asked, scooting closer to him on the couch.

“Yeah, that would be amazing,” he giggled, placing his hand on your cheek as your lips met.

It was awkward at first, you were both angled on the couch, neither position comfortable. You shifted closer, slowly crawling onto his lap, quickly pulling away to make sure it was okay with him. When he gave you a subtle nod, you connected your lips again, his sweet, oddly sugary, plush lips. You ran your fingers through his curls, quickly tangling them. He put his hands on your waist, pulling you closer to him as you continued to kiss. It was heavenly, everything you had ever dreamed of. Of course, your paradise had to be interrupted by something.

“Oi Oi!” Louis yelled from the hallway, “I get you like each other and all, but this is my couch, come on lads!” He complained, causing you to hurry off of Harry’s lap, taking a seat beside him. He playfully scoffed, pointing a finger at you, “Now, I’m going to get some food from the kitchen, no snogging while I’m gone!” He demanded as he walked out of the room.

You and Harry giggle to yourself, he turned to you, a playful smile adorning his face, “y’know, now that I’m dating a Tomlinson, maybe the Larries will finally back off,” he joked, earning a chuckle from you.

“Oh darling, you’re forgetting one thing,” you chided, he turned to you, obviously confused. “I’m the biggest Larrie of them all,” you teased.

“Oh shut it!” Both he and Louis yelled.

Permanent Taglist (If you want to be added just let me know!): @notsosmexy @ladytommomomoa @franchesca-791 @alwayshave-faith @bxtchboy69

[jonsa101]

Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson: The Well-Meaning, Incredibly Self-Centered Leading Men We’ve Grown to Love.

Hey fam! Like I said, I’ve been writing a ton of meta lately and this is another one that’s just been sitting in my drafts. It’s basically a This Is Us and a New Amsterdam meta which is something I haven’t done before but something I want do more of. In my Game of Thrones days I used to write a lot of meta about shows and characters that had similarities so this is fun for me. I hope y’all enjoy this. ALSO THIS HAS SPOILERS FOR BOTH SHOWS!!!!!!!

Without a doubt the two most popular shows on NBC is This is Us and New Amsterdam. And what’s not to love? They’re both emotionally driven, heartfelt, shows that focus on incredibly deep and complex topics. Though one show focuses on family dynamics and the other focuses on the healthcare system, these shows are very similar in more ways than one. Case in point, Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson. The more I watch these two shows, the more I realize how these two characters are so alike!!! These two men are kind-hearted, well intentioned, individuals who genuinely want to make some sort of positive difference. They are incredibly ambitious and always have “bright ideas” and “goals” they want to accomplish and somehow they’re able to meet those goals without ever having to sacrifice their wants and needs. By every definition these men are the “main characters” or the ultimate “protagonists.” These are the folks that we are supposed to root for. At the same time, though these men have many traits to be admired, when you truly look at it both of them can be incredibly self centered and selfish especially when it pertains to their romantic partners and love interests. No matter how appealing you make these characters out to be these men clearly fall under the Behind Every Great Man trope.

The Behind Every Great Man trope has been used countless of times throughout Cinema and TV History that I’m sure that I don’t even have to explain it to you but for the sake of this meta this is how it’s defined.

“Behind Every Great Man...stands an even greater woman! Or in about a hundred variations is a Stock Phrase referring to how people rarely achieve greatness without support structures that go generally unappreciated, and said support structure is a traditionally female role via being the wife, mother, or sometimes another relation. This trope is specifically about a man who is credited with something important, but owes much of his success to the woman in his life.”

This trope usually has a negative connotation (and rightfully so) because the man who often benefits from this is an asshole and unworthy of this type of support!

For example:

Oliva and Fitz

Cristina Yang and Burke

Cookie and Lucious

Ghost and Tasha

There are countless others but these are a few of the couples that come to mind for me. Randall and Max aren’t comparable to any of these men that are listed above but they are still operating under the same trope. It just looks nicer because Max and Randall are inherently good and inspirational. They are the heroes of the story. I would even argue and say that both men fall under the Chronic Hero Syndrome trope which is defined as

“Chronic Hero Syndrome is an "affliction" of cleaner heroes where for them, every wrong within earshot must be righted, and everyone in need must be helped, preferably by Our Hero themself. While certainly admirable, this may have a few negative side-effects on the hero and those around them. Such heroes could wear themselves out in their attempts to help everyone or become distraught and blame themselves for the one time that they're unable to save the day. Spending so much time and effort saving everyone else can also put a strain on the hero's personal or dating life.”

Just because Max and Randall have these incredibly inspiring aspirations, is it fair that their wives and love interests are always expected to rise to the occasion and support them. Is it ok for their partners to continuously sacrifice their wants and needs because they love these men? 

Let’s dive into it. 

Truth be told, Beth Pearson, Helen Sharpe and Georgia Goodwin had to endure a GREAT DEAL to emotionally support the dreams and aspirations of these men while sacrificing so much of themselves in the process. In media we often see women sacrificing so much of their wants and needs out of love for these male leads and rarely do men do the same thing for their romantic partners and love interests. All three of these women clearly fall under the Act of True Love trope defined as

“The Act of True Love proves beyond doubt that you are ready to put your loved one's interests before your own, that you are truly loyal and devoted to them. Usually this involves a sacrifice on your part, at the very least a considerable effort and/or a great risk. The action must be motivated, not by morals or principle or expectation of future reward, but by sheer personal affection.When your beloved is in dire need of your help, or in great danger, and you do something, at great expense to yourself, for the sake of their safety, their welfare, or their happiness, thus proving beyond any doubt that you put their interest ahead of yours.”

Over the past few seasons we have seen all three of these women truly live up to this trope without any true consequences or accountability from the men they’re making all these sacrifices for. For example, in Beth and Randall’s marriage, how many times did Randall spring an idea on Beth without truly talking to her or considering her wants first? Everyone thinks these two are an ideal couple but she has endured A LOT for Randall.

Randall has spontaneously quit his job, moved his dying biological dad into their home, bought his biological dad’s old apartment building, fostered and adopted a child and also ran for city councilman outside of his district. In all of these decisions, Randall “consulted” Beth about it but at the same time didn’t really consult her. In a way there has always been this expectation of Beth to just go along for the ride with what Randall wants. Is anyone else exhausted from reading that list?! That’s a lot for partner to endure and lovingly support. But Beth has endured and has been Randall’s rock through it all!!! What worries me is that the one time Beth spoke out about her wants and needs of pursuing dance again, he couldn’t match the same energy she was giving him and eventually it led to world war three between them. Though things are looking up in their relationship  and he’s starting to support her more, has Randall nearly given to Beth as much as she’s given to him? Absolutely not!

Similar to Randall, Max also had a wife who was a dancer. in fact, she was a prima ballerina. Unlike Randall and Beth, Max relationship with Georgia was rocky from the start. When we were first introduced to them Max and Georgia were separated and rightfully so. Georgia was never Max’s first priority. The hospital always came first in their relationship. He couldn’t even dedicate a full night to her for their proposal. In order to “save” their marriage they decide to have a baby and they both committed to taking a step back in their careers in order to do so. The problem was Max didn’t keep his side of their commitment and took a job to become the medical director at the biggest public hospital in the U.S. She gave up her career to start a family and he totally and completely betrayed her trust. So throughout season one we see them trying to rebuild their marriage but even in the midst of trying to rebuild a marriage based on trust and mutual respect Max still keeps things from Georgia. For several episodes he didn’t tell her that he had advance stages of throat cancer. He only told her when Georgia asked him to move back home. That’s fucked up! Then throughout their pregnancy he was never fully there for Georgia because he was either to preoccupied with the hospital or himself. At the end of it all, Georgia died tragically at the beginning of season two and really had nothing to show for it in her relationship with Max other than her daughter Luna.

Now let’s bring Helen Sharpe into the fold. While all of this stuff was going on with Max and his wife in season one, Max was developing a deep friendship, borderline emotional affair with Helen. Their relationship started out with Helen being his oncologist. As the new Medical Director of New Amsterdam, he swore Helen to secrecy about his diagnosis so that he could still run the hospital. Through that secrecy they eventually formed a deep bond but as his cancer got worse his secret was let out of the bag. He realistically needed someone to step up and run the hospital when he was going through chemo and though Helen already had commitments she stepped up and became his deputy medical director. Somewhere along the lines Max and Helen started developing feelings for each other. As Helen becomes aware of those feelings, she made a choice and decides to remove herself as Max’s doctor. He BITCHES about it but eventually accepts the boundary she’s clearly trying to set. Mind you, as this is unfolding, like Max, Helen is also in a new relationship with her boyfriend Panthaki. As Max’s cancer seems to be getting worse with his new doctor, she goes back on her boundary and decides to be his doctor again. This pisses her boyfriend off because he could already peep the vibe between them and he breaks up with her. When we get into season two, Max’s wife died and Helen set him up in a clinical trail (with a doctor she previously fired) that’s helping his cancer.  Unbeknownst to Max, this doctor ends up holding his life saving treatment plan over Helen’s head and in order for his treatment to continue she gives this doctor half of her department!

Helen has sacrificed a lot for Max and now in season three she’s finally prioritizing her current wants and needs first! Like Randall, Max is starting to turn a page and is starting to support Helen and truly listen to the wants and needs that she has. All of this is good but my question is did any of these women have to sacrifice so much for the men in their lives to get a clue?

Why is it that this is a trope we see in media time and time and time again? Even if these men are good, why don’t we still keep these male characters accountable when they put their significant others in these situations that are clearly not fair? I’ve watched countless tv shows and I’ve seen a lot of tv couples but I think I have only come across one couple where the male counterpart has selflessly loved his significant other and has always put her needs above his own. 

That character my friend is none other than PACEY WITTER

I might be mistaken but I think Joey and Pacey are the most popular ship in tv history and honestly, rightfully so! This is only example I can think of where the male in the relationship so willingly puts the wants and needs of his partner first. It is a completely selfless and sacrificial love. He never wants to hold her back and he never asks her to compromise her wants or needs for him. That’s why I think so many women love Pacey because in a sea of TV relationships, Pacey Witter is a fucking unicorn.

So to wrap this up does this mean that I hate Randall Pearson or Max Goodwin? No! I adore them. I love both of their characters so much. I just think that when we see the media continuously play out the sacrificial wife/love interest for the sake of their male counterparts, it should be called out. I’m all about sacrificial and selfless love but it should come from both sides.❤️❤️❤️

Anyway I hope y’all enjoy this! As always my DMs are opening here or on Twitter @oyindaodewale

[sleepynegress]

The "American propaganda" rhetoric from many kids on this site really has my eyebrows raising. Like... are we watching the same show??? Is that their takeaway from listening to Isaiah's story, watching Sam's experiences, or seeing the gov do an immediate aboutface with the Shield? Did they think that the scene of the band's was an endorsement of performative patriotism (admittedly... it was a cool rendition) as opposed to a critique??? Then again, seeing how many of them seem to stan the Flag Smashers, anything not endorsing their anarchic fantasies is probably "statist/military propaganda".

I think it’s a convienient line they give, and excuse to not look any deeper. They think they appear ‘woke’ and thus immune to any criticism to actually seeing what the show has actually been saying and where it’s been really obvious about going. It’s a nice little bit they can say and feel like what they are saying is sympathetic (when really they are dismissing this black showrunner’s vision lol) and they can go on and focus on what they are really here for... their favorite fan-canon. *sigh* Like, I have been in fandom for a long time and I can tell you, the people I focus on and run w/ in fanworks *NEVER HAVE* their shit go canon and I don’t expect it to. But I swear the entitlement... They are really acting like they think this black man (Malcolm Spellman) who has told you from the jump that this is about Sam’s journey and Anthony Mackie(!) (who they keep giving lip-service to protecting) who has been candid about how proud and anxious he was about the reception to this storyline about his walk as a black man to being Captain America.... is purposely fucking w/ them because the storylines they play in, in fandom haven’t manifested exactly the way they imagine it to *in* this show THAT ISN’T ABOUT THAT.... I just. They don’t like this show. They DON’T LIKE THIS SHOW!! And okay fine, not everybody is gonna feel a real connection to those horrific skeletons that impact to this day when it comes to institutional racism and day-to-day living in black skin. But then keep your mouth shut about what’s going on in canon, then.  Because it’s clear you do not have the empathetic capacity.  Don’t try to pretend you do care, if you don’t. Just stay in your playground and *out* of any criticism of this show in the hands of this black man who has TOLD YOU *explicitly* that his main thrust is Sam’s journey...not your fucking ship(!) and didn’t even dismiss you when you asked(!!!).  It’s not baiting to tell you straight up... “THIS IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.” Enjoy the fantastic bonus that these two theatre nerds have AMAZING chemistry and aren’t immature when they approach their characters’ arcs, because true artists don’t really give af about whether you think it’s *gay* or not and honestly?? Yall really not gonna like this tea but yall’s lazer-focused obsession with that comes off low-key fetishistic/homophobic...  You are getting delicious subtext. Clap and use that in your fanworks!  Because (HOLYSHIT!) that natural chemistry is a gift! AND BECAUSE NOBODY IS BAITING YOU!! CELEBRATE THAT! Celebrate these actors’ friendship and respect their artistic commitment to telling *THIS STORY*.  They approach EVERY ROLE with the same love and commitment to the characters and telling the story as Chadwick and Heath did. They aren’t thinking about a baiting anything. They are thinking “How can I serve this story and character to the best of my abilities?” So please, for the love of all that is good and holy, stop being entitled and either go about your business in fanon or *RESPECT CANON*. STOP these fucking ~I’m calling out an actual thing that is wrong! and happening here QUEERBAIT!!!1!!!!!!11!~  games just because this show, director, actors, and crew have told *this* story of this black man’s journey and *not* the Sam and Bucky love story (w/ a heavy focus on Bucky! and Steve!) like in your fanworks. And while yall are putting out screencaps of *that interview* w/ Spellman... how about focusing on the *rest* of what he and Mackie and even Seb have said in their interviews?! About how they *ALL* really feel privileged about their part in the particular leanings of this show, in this day and time regarding race and SAM BEING CAPTAIN AMERICA WHILE BLACK! P.S.  This show feels pro-vet NOT pro-military and if you don’t know the difference between shining a light on all of the shit and hoops vets have to jump through after doing so much.... and uplifting an instittution which Spellman has CLEARLY been taking the piss out of in the 100 or so minutes we’ve seen fo far??? *sigh* I can’t handhold you. PAY. ATTENTION.