#the different kpop concerts she's been to and she went to show me one but went '... oh but youre a stay' (<- kinda hates being called a sta

[linoguy]

question: do stray kids fans and ateez fans have some kind of feud?

[khjswifey]

{Forever You Are My Star} [K.HJ]

Kim Hongjoong x Atiny!Reader

Idol Au, Long distance relationship au

After two long years of dating, you finally get to meet you boyfriend and at your favorite group's concert too! But hold on...the leaders voice sounds a bit familiar.

A/N: I hope you all enjoy my first fanfic! I want to continue this lil au, and possible make more for the other members! Let me know if you would be interested in that, Other than that:

Happy Reading!

Tags: @soobinshouseplant

𓂂 ♱⠀◌ ⠀◯ ⭑ ⸱ ៰ ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂 ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂 ♱⠀◌ ⠀◯ ⭑ ⸱ ៰ ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂 ♱⠀◌ •

“Hey Baby..”

“Hiii…”

A soft chuckle filtered through your phone speaker. 

“I’m sorry for calling you so late…”

“Joon, that’s completely fine, You know I stay up late anyways…”

You hear a sigh before he begins to talk again.

“Baby.?”

“Yeah?”

“You still live in (city name), right?”

“Yea, why do you ask?” You asked, curiosity/excitement lacing your tone. Your boyfriend chuckles at you, “Well, we’ll finally be able to meet!” You gasped in excitement, nearly falling off your bed.

You and your boyfriend, Joon, had been dating for about 2 years now, and yes it was a long distance relationship.

The two of you had met online through your art twitter. You did a lot of fanart of your favorite kpop group, Ateez, as well as tattoo ideas. The tattoo designs are what introduced you to your loving boyfriend.

He replied under one of your posts, interested in commissioning a design and it has been you and him against the world ever since. 

Yes, you don’t know how he looks, and he may have various different pictures of you, but you put all your trust in him and you highly doubted he was a catfish.

He always showered you with gifts, and always called you when he got the time to. He rarely showed his face, but you saw his desk and his work area.

You believed he was real and you were excited at the prospect of finally being able to meet him.

“I can tell you’re excited…” Joon started, “I am too..I can’t wait to hold you…” You felt your face heat up as you heard him mumble something in Korean under his breath. 

“What was that?”

“I said I can’t wait to hold you and have you whimpering underneath me, Jagi..”

You squealed in embarrassment as you slammed your phone on the bed. You heard him laughing at you before calling your name.

The two of you sat in silence for a little while after that, nothing but the soft clicking of your boyfriend's laptop coming through the speakers. He finally spoke up again with a little chuckle.

“Well…I bought you a concert ticket…” 

“Joon!”

“What? I thought it was a good idea since we both like concerts~!”

You only hummed in response, not having the time to argue with him tonight, your phone pinged and you sighed.

“I’ll see you in two days!”

“See you~”

Your phone hung up and you went to check your Ticketmaster account, your eyes widened,

You got the tickets! -

X1 Atiny VIP Ticket

My future husband: You’re welcome~

My future husband: I love you.

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

“Y/n, how do you know he will be there?’

“Don’t you think you’re being used..’

You groaned at your friend. “F/n. I don’t think a catfish would drop the money for this ticket like that. It was expensive.”

“So!? Maybe he’ll try to use a little money to kidnap you!”

You grew frustrated as you did your makeup. You had told F/n about what had happened and to make sure you were safe, she was coming along.

F/n was never supportive of your relationship, always judging you for ‘wasting’ your time on a dude that you are only just now meeting. But you also couldn’t blame her, girls did go missing when meeting their online boyfriends. But no matter how you tried to convince her, she wouldn’t listen to you. She didn’t even like Ateez! So she was basically wasting her money.

“What if he’s lying to you about his identity-”

“That’s enough, F/n!!” You yelled at her, finally snapping from the constant negative comments. “If you wanna come then come. But if you’re not going to shut the fuck up already!” 

F/n stared at you in shock. “How dare you? I’m trying to keep you from getting catfished!!” She yelled back and you rolled your eyes pushing past her, grabbing your bag. 

You got your keys and looked at her, “Find your own ride to the damn concert. Don’t bother being around me.” You said leaving her behind.

You were actually surprised she even still came to the concert. You glared at her and she gave you an apologetic look when she caught up to you. 

When you walked into (venue name), you beamed with excitement. Not only were you going to finally meet your boyfriend, you got to see your all time favorite kpop group!

It was refreshing to be around fellow Atiny, you chatted with several around you in the pit. You ended up getting real close from you leaving early. Your blood was pumping through your body when the lights finally dimmed. You screamed as you watched as the members of Ateez came onto the stage.

It felt unreal, it didn’t feel real at all. You couldn’t believe that you were finally here. A couple of songs had gone by when you finally found the time to let your boyfriend know where you were. But you were shocked to see a message from him around 2 years ago that simply said;

“Look at the stage.”

When you looked back up, you locked eyes with Kim Hongjoong, the leader of Ateez, your bias, your Ult bias to be exact. His eyes were locked on you as he introduced himself to the crowd. Your brain froze. 

When he spoke, his voice sounded familiar, and not just from you listening to music. No it was like you knew him on a personal level.

“F/n…” You said, capturing your friends' attention, concerned at your tone. “What’s wrong? Is it that boy?” She asked.

You looked back up to the stage, watching as Ateez prepared for their next set of songs.

“I think my boyfriend is the leader of Ateez..”

“...You mean as a joke right…?”

“....”

“...oh…”

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

“What do you mean you think your boyfriend is a member of Ateez!?” 

It was after the concert, and you were instructed by your boyfriend to meet him afterwards backstage. All you had to do was tell the security your name and they led you to where you were now.

F/n was very skeptical and was weary about leaving you alone, but after a while of convincing she finally left, making sure she had you added on Life360 just in case.

You stood there waiting, watching as various staff members worked around you. You were starting to think that he wasn’t going to come at all.

You looked down at your phone and sighed, turning to leave.

“Baby!” 

You whip around to find the owner of the voice, and lo and behold it was Kim Hongjoong. He was now dressed comfortably, makeup gone and a soft blush on his face with a lazy smile.

You smile wide and run up to him, nearly tackling him to the ground with a hug. He laughs and wraps his arms around you, holding you tightly as if you were going to vanish if he let go.

When he did let go, he pulled away a bit to place a kiss on your lips. You melted into his grasp only pulling away when you needed air from the male. 

The two of you looked at each other for a while. One half of you wanted to fight him for lying to you, but you knew he had his reasons, but the other was so happy that he was real and that he was not only your idol, but your lover.

“Hongjoongie…” You mumbled, hiding your face in his chest.

He chuckled as he held you close to him, “It’s so nice to hear you say my name…” He replied, finally pulling away.

When he did, he held your hands and swung them back and forth. He looked like a lovesick puppy, his eyes filled with love and adoration.

“Do you have anywhere else to go?...” 

“No not really…”

“Well…could you maybe come back with me?”

You giggle at his bashfulness, nodding. “Of course, You have a lot of explaining to do..”

Hongjoong smiles before pulling you along with him.

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

Hongjoong paid for your visit to his hotel room, not leaving until he made sure you were safely on your way.

When you got there, you finally got to meet the other members, it was surreal for you. Just yesterday you were catching up on missed content, laughing as you watched Ateez go about their antics. Now you are meeting them and apparently dating their leader.

To say you were nervous would be an understatement, you were nearly shitting bricks. 

But it actually went over well, Hongjoong introduced you to them one by one. You happily introduced yourself, shaking their hands until you got to Wooyoung, who had a smug grin.

“You’re really pretty. No wonder cap-” He was cut off by Hongjoong flinging something at him. You giggled at this as the rest of the evening with the boys went fine. It was spent with you explaining how you met Hongjoong, talking about how much you loved their music and how you really appreciated how nice they were being to him.

Later on, Hongjoong led you to his room, which you tilted your head at.

“I thought you guys shared rooms when you went on tour?”

“We do, the guys wanted to give us privacy though..”

You felt your face heat up as you walked over and flopped on the bed. Hongjoong then joined you, leaning his head on your stomach.

The two of you sat in silence for a while, basking in the silence before he spoke up.

“I’m sorry…” He started, moving to sit up, you moved to sit up at the head board. 

“Hon-”

“I’m sorry for not telling you who I was y/n…I was scared…” He admits and it hurt your heart with how he avoided eye contact. He sighed before finally turning to you.

“When I found out you were an Atiny..I got scared. I thought you were only gonna like me because of who I am on stage…” You watched him carefully as he continued. 

“I thought you weren’t gonna love me for me…So I hid it. It’s why I rarely showed my face when we talked. But when I saw your face…” Hongjoong reached over to cup your cheek, eyes misty. You felt your own tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to fall.

“Hongjoong…” You started moving closer to the male, your faces barely touching. “I’m in love with you…all of you…the Idol you and the normal you. Yes I may be an Atiny, but I love you. Not your career.” You say softly leaning on him. 

“I was worried…that you wouldn’t like me once you met me. That you would’ve thought I was a weirdo or that-mmph!” Your rant was cut off by Hongjoong kissing you, he pulled you into his arms, your eyes widened as he silenced you. They eventually fluttered closed as he deepened the kiss, only pulling away to hide his face in the crook of your neck.

“You’re always loved by me…I trust you y/n..”

A small smile ghosted across your features as the two of you stayed that way for a while.

You felt at peace knowing that you could now love both forms of him..

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

You were sad when you had to say goodbye to your boyfriend. One night was definitely not enough time for you to get all what you had to say to him off your chest.

And there was obviously a lot more that Hongjoong wanted to do, but that would have to wait for the next time you would meet.

So when you got home, you were watching through your concert footage when you got a notification.

‘Ateez_official_ has made a post’

You clicked it and felt your heart do a mini flip.

‘[#Hong_stagram] Forever you are my star ❤️’

It was a black and white picture of the two of you holding hands with the caption;

‘[#Hong_stagram] Forever you are my star <3’

𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ • 𓂂  ♱⠀◌  ⠀◯  ⭑ ⸱ ៰  ͘ ࣭ ⠀𓂂  ♱⠀◌ •

[resi4skz]

Title: Starstruck (pt1)

Pairing: Chan!idol x Fem!reader

Enjoy!

Part 2 , Part 3

"The usual place?" Luna asks as I finish up decorating a cake that was due tomorrow.

"Yeah. Erica and Julie wants to go there too. Just make a reservation for," I glance at my watch. "5pm."

As she makes the reservation on the phone, I glue the white and pink fondant petals on the 2 tier cake with edible glue. It was a cute and simple cake for a 1yr old. Turning the cake turntable, I admire my work before placing it in the fridge for pickup tomorrow. "Hey, so he uploaded a video again."

I haven't turned around so fast in my life. I quickly walk over to her as she hands me her phone. Excitedly, I press play on the tiktok page she had left me. Music comes on as a man in a white skin tight full sleeve top and baggy pants comes on. He dances, showing his dance skills. I had been following him ever since he had 2 videos on his page. Now he has millions followers and loads of comments under each video.

The only downside? He wears a helmet in each one so no one really knows who he is. He's usually seen roaming the city of Seoul or videos like the one I'm watching. "Good lord, woman. You're starstruck."

I give the phone back and clean up the kitchen quickly. Sound comes from her phone and I start singing along the song 'Star Lost.' It's a song I always listen to when I need some cheering up. It's from the kpop group Stray Kids, a very popular boy group all around the world. Luna and I had always wanted to go to one of their concerts but with owning a bakery and orders piling on, we never had the time. But we both followed them on their instagram and bubble. Although I only had one bubble, the leader, the one and only Bang Chan.

After dinner, the four of us went our separate ways as we lived in different areas in the city. But I decided to stop by Han river to take a night stroll. It was nice this time around as it was getting a bit warm. Smiling, I close my eyes to feel the warm breeze of summer approaching.

I resume walking, enjoying the sound of the waves. There weren't many people around as it was pretty later and I liked that, less people to worry about. My phone buzzes as I approach a corner.

L: are you home yet?

As I'm about to reply, I walk into something. Or someone. "Ah, I'm sorr-"

My words stop in my throat as I blink at the person in front of me.

Am I seeing things?

I rub my eyes. He's wearing biker gear this time. But no helmet? I blink a few times at the back of his head. What is he doing here? It's when he turns around is the biggest surprise of my life. The black curly hair, the sharp jaw and those lips. I definitely know those lips. When my land on his eyes, I let out the biggest gasp. "You're....you're....."

"Shhh!" He says, putting his finger to his lips as he glances around. "Shit, I didn't expect for my identity to go this way."

"Holy shit. You're Bang Chan AND the biker dude?!"

Sighing, he closes his eyes, nodding his head. "Yes."

"Okay. I need to sit down. Or pinch myself," I said, transfixed at the man in front of me. "This is a dream, right?"

He laughs softly, his dimples popping. Oh my god. His dimples. "You're definitely not dreaming." He reaches up and pinches my arm.

I flinch, hissing at the sharp pain. "Ow!" Okay. Definitely not dreaming. "But what are you doing here?"

"I was trying to find a spot to film a tiktok."

"Right."

I watch him fiddle with the zipper of his biker jacket. "May I?" I asked, stepping closer to him. Once he nods, I place my hands at the front of his jacket and.....holy fuck he smells so good. Mentally cursing at myself, I pull the zipper down and step back.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," I replied smiling.

His phone buzzes and he pulls it out of his biker pants, turning around to take the call. After a few seconds, I take it as a sign to leave. As I'm scrambling my brain whether to tell Luna about what just happened when I feel a tap on my shoulder. Turning around, it's him again.

"Damn, you walk fast," he pants, his helmet dangling around his hand.

"Uhm, did something happen?" I asked, concerned.

"No, but," he fishes out phone again. "I wanted to ask a question."

"Okay..."

"Would you want to come to our concert?"

I almost choked on my spit. "W-what?"

"Our concert? It's this weekend."

"No. I heard you. Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you want me to go to your concert?" He gives a shrug to my question. "Is it to bribe me so I don't tell everyone about you?"

He gives another shrug and I laugh. "Oh my god, it is!"

"Look," he begins. "I can't have this going out otherwise my company won't let me hear the end of it."

Which was true because his company was shit. "Okay."

We exchange phone numbers. I stare at my phone with his number. Holy cannolli. I have Bang Chan's number. "I'll text you the details for the concert. Make sure to come to the backstage, yeah?"

"Okay."

"Alright, well, see ya," he says with a wink before putting on his helmet and sprinting away.

A little later when I'm home getting ready for bed, my phone chimes. Thinking it's Luna, I pick it up but freeze when I see the name on the screen.

C: did you get home okay?

Y/N: yes, was just getting ready for bed

C: oh? It's only 11pm

I snort at his text.

Y/N: only you would think it's early but I have been up since 5am and would like a 10hr nap with no interruptions

As soon as I hit send, my phone rings loudly making me jump. "Jesus." But it's him calling. "Hello?"

"A 10 hour nap? That's not a nap."

"It is for me."

"You're one weird woman but I like you."

My heart skips a beat. "Sure. Everyone likes me. You'd like my cakes too."

"Cakes?" He asked.

Ah, right. "I own a bakery with my friend, Luna."

"Maybe I'll come by sometime to taste your cake."

"Wait," I blink at his words. "You want to come to my bakery?"

He chuckles, music to my ears. "Why is that so surprising?"

"I mean," I began. "It's not everyday I get to hear that THE Bang Chan would visit my bakery."

"Alright, well I'll let you go."

I dream about a biker thay night.

--------------------------------------------------------------

The following night, he invites me for coffee. Then later we're back at Han River again, walking and talking. After a few minutes, we reach his bike and he grabs his helmet. Gosh. How is the little things he does I find very attractive?

The next few seconds go by fast, my brain not comprehending what happened. I feel something soft and wet on my right cheek, eyes widened as I reach to touch when he steps back. Did he just....

"Let me drop you home?"

I could only nod as I suddenly didn't have the ability to speak. And as I sit behind him on the bike, I was having trouble finding a spot to hold onto when he grabs my hand and puts them around his waist. "That's much better," he says starting the bike. And we were off.

By the time he reached my apartment complex, I'm still stuck on the kiss he gave me on the cheek. "Y/N?"

"Huh?" I snap my eyes at him as I see him with his hand out for me to climb off the bike. "Oh!"

"So, Y/N."

"Y-yes?"

"Will I see you again?"

Is he talking in a sense of a date? Wait, he's asking ME on a date???? "At the concert?"

"And after," he said.

"After?" I blink, my brain going in overdrive.

"Yeah, I wanna take you out," he replied.

"Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Yes," he chuckles.

"But we just met."

He takes a step closer and tucks my hair behind my ears. What is happening? "Yeah. It's not everyday everybody gets star struck."

Holy moly. His brown boba eyes are so pretty. I can check off many things on my bucket list with him being number 1. "But you're an idol. And I'm just a normal human who works in a bakery."

"So?"

"So, wouldn't it be weird for you to go out and be bombarded by paparazzi?"

"Good point," he nods. "But I have my ways, sweetheart."

Sweetheart. Bang Chan just called me a sweetheart. "Right. I forget you know almost everyone in the industry."

"It's a curse."

"What? Hello? It's not a curse. If I was like you, I wouldn't have trouble with social anxiety," I exclaimed. "I wouldn't give a fuck about anyone saying anything to me then."

He snorts, laughing. "You're so cute."

"Hey!"

"Sorry, sorry," he says. "But it's a fact that I do know everyone and everything."

"See? You get it. While my introverted mind can't even fathom being in crowds," I huff, crossing my arms. When my eyes meet his, he's staring at me with such fire in his eyes. I squirm on my spot. "What?"

"Nothing. Just wondering if I should come up and show you what an extrovert can do or just leave before I do something drastic."

I visbly gulp. Holy shit, Christopher. "Uhm."

But he just smiles at me and wears his helmet with the visor up. "I'll see you at the concert?"

"Yeah."

He gets on his bike, revvs it up a bit then he turns around and winking at me before driving away.

When I'm settled in bed, nice and cozy, my phone buzzes. "Luna if this is yo-" But my eyes widen at the name popping up.

C: sweet dreams, babygirl ;)

I cannot wait for the concert.

[voulezloux]

To celebrate it being the last show of FITFWT, what have your favourite moments been of the tour? 💕💕

the BEST one in my opinion is the collective meltdown we all had when louis wore a tank top for the first time in cuyahoga falls. but i also really enjoyed going to three of his shows!! i put them under the cut bc im being nice and not flooding the dash from everyone else’s posts

so i had planned my vacation last year so my official first day was the cincinnati date (a christmas present from regretfully my dad). it happened that i think the next two shows he did (i might be wrong) were within 2 hours of me, columbus and indianapolis, during my vacation. indy is where my ex lives so we decided to go together and i went to cbus and cincinnati by myself.

these are from my cincinnati date! i had a joke beef with louis because the past 3 times i saw him, he wore a white polo. v glad to not have that beef w/ louis anymore

my favorite story from this show is that there was a mom and her 2 y/o daughter at the show near me. it was the daughter’s first show and she was really excited for it. everyone around us kept giving her little gifts and bracelets and just 😭 really sweet to see!! at the end of the show, the girl starts crying because louis left (same girl) and she asked her mom where he went and she kept telling her it was his bedtime and he needs to sleep

these are from cbus! the venue was weird and there was a minor league baseball stadium next to the venue that had a game at the same time as doors opening. so all of us are in line waiting and these baseball fans are going inside and wondering why there’s this long ass line next to the venue. it was also hell in line because of the game and doors opening. BUT i did see tank louis in the flesh so 🫶🏻🫶🏻 worth it

and these are from indy!!! this was the show i went with to my ex. he had previously seen 1d on otra so he didn’t know what to really expect (he also is into kpop and those concerts are notably different than other genres). after a few songs, he leaned over to me and told me louis walks around like he has the biggest dick in the room and it’s hot to see (same). the only story i can remember from this show from the audience is someone threw up in pit. venue had like alcoholic slushies??? and someone threw that up. also i’m on the official LTHQ ig for that photo dump. i only know this bc i wore my fucking shrek bucket hat to this show and there’s a shot you can see my stupid hat in.

i will also miss shirt bets and @allwaswell16 forgetting to do shirt bets. and the meltdown we all continued to have with every outfit. i love my favorite little white man 🫶🏻🫶🏻

bonus: a sneaky photo of joshua i forgot i took during the cincinnati show. i saw him in cbus and i messaged one of my servers like … i think i just saw joshua and someone went yeah he’s interviewing people! talk to him! and i DIDNT bevause i have ANXIETY

[yangtaros]

love in la (part 2)

johnny x female reader

synopsis: nct dream is on tour in la while you’re secretly dating johnny long distance.

this is a continuation of part 1. please read it first💜

“Hurry up y/n, I want to get good seats” Your friend says waiting for you at the door to the theater.

“I don’t even think it’s going to be that packed, it’s been out for a week already”

“Maybe you’re right, but you just want to walk slow”

You take your phone out of your pocket and glance at it, waiting for a call.

“Oh! It all makes sense now you’re waiting for Johnny to call you”

“You know the time difference is so… well different! This is usually our best time. Him in the morning and me at night or the other way around.”

“Fine, you lovebirds have fun, I’m not missing the beginning” Your friend went into the theater and you soon got a facetime call from Johnny.

Good Morning babe

Hi Y/n

What are your plans for today

To stare at your face

Johnny stop it

He laughs, I have dance practice today and then a photoshoot

I’m expecting unreleased for y/n only selfies from you

Will do, when are you going to ship me a package with you inside of it

You never know I might suprise you

Where are you

Movie theater with y/f/n

She was there for our love story

Yeah she was but I get to see her more than you now, you stuck out your bottom lip

We’ll see each other soon I promise

****************************

You finished eating lunch at work with a friend and were now walking to your desk when your boss tapped you on your shoulder.

“Hi”

“Hi and here!” He handed you two backstage passes.

“Who is this for?”

“Remember that Teen Vogue article you did on NCT 127? They loved it. They said the members seemed comfortable like they were talking to a friend.”

You smiled, “wow that is so sweet”

“So now they want you doing more kpop articles, they also said they have another opportunity for you but they want to see how you do with this one first”

You were so grateful for the acknowledgement from the company.

“Okay, that’s great”

“So these passes are for NCT dream, they’re kind of NCT 127 but-”

“I know them actually!”

“Oh good, the concert is in a few days. Do your best!”

****************************

I know I’m not going to see you or anything, but it’s nice that I can see Mark and Haechan again, and meet the others. It’ll help me miss you a bit less.

I think you’ll miss me even more, mark copies me all the time

You giggled, Is he single

Woah he doesn’t copy me that much

Johnnnn no my friend thought he was cute at the Jennifer Hudson show

Well then yes, but he’s nerdy and shy

You were very shy when you asked for my number you think i forgot?

He blushed

How you were playing with my bracelet…

I just really secretly wanted it and my plan succeeded, he held his wrist up to the camera to show the bracelet

****************************

Y/f/n agreed to go along with you to the NCT dream concert. 70% of the reason being Mark was there.

“Do I look cute?” She asked you.

“You know let’s just say Mark likes you back are you prepared for that time difference”

“Y/n I just wanna hang out with him and whenever he comes back to the states he knows where to find me”

You laugh, “got it”

“Friends no benefits”

“I’m trusting you” You say walking to your seats. This time you were given floor seats, you were very close to the stage.

This girl next to you had a Johnny photocard in her phone case.

“I just remembered other girls look at Johnny and not just me” you whispered to your friend.

“Guess what, you’re the only girl he looks at”

You smiled, she was right.

“I like that picture of Johnny” you say to the girl.

“Thank you! I paid so much for it”

“How come?”

“It’s special edition”

“Ohh right” You thought about how you get ‘special edition’ selfies from Johnny every day.

“Is it your first time seeing them?”

“No, well kinda, my friend and I saw 127 a few months ago” Your friend waved at her.

“I love 127, if you had a good time there I’m sure you will here too”

“Thanks! Who’s your favorite?”

“Haechan”

You nodded, thinking of all the times Haechan answered your call through Johnny’s phone when he wasn’t around to pick up “good choice”

The lights went low, the show was starting, “enjoy” you said to the girl.

****************************

Around 30 minutes into the show Haechan looked down and saw you, his face lit up. You slightly smiled and looked to the side to not cause any attention, but some people in your section had noticed.

“She didn’t even have a sign and he looked at her” You heard a girl say behind you.

“Maybe she was at a fansign”

The girl next to you glanced at you quickly before looking back at the stage.

A few minutes later Haechan put his arm around Mark and led him to your section, trying to be as discreet as possible. Mark looked at you and then your friend. Then looked up and waved at the crowd, then his eyes slowly trailed back to you two. You could tell he was trying to figure out a way to say hi but you lightly shook your head to tell him don’t bother.

The girl next to you got suspicious, “does he recognize you from somewhere?”

“Who?”

“Never mind”

Your friend whispered in your ear, “did you see that? his eyes lingered on me”

You chuckle, “i don’t think them putting us near the stage was a good idea”

“I don’t think teen vogue knows your Johnnys girlfriend y/n” she whispers back

****************************

At the end of the show you turn to the girl next to you, “did you love it?”

“Yes! They’re so talented”

“They are! Hey… if you could ask Haechan any question at all what would it be?”

“Um… what genre does he see himself doing as a solo artist?”

“That’s a great question”

She smiled, “well get home safe”

“You too!” You enjoyed meeting her, and you could tell she supported the boys, you wanted to give her a nice gift and get her question answered.

Once you and y/f/n gathered your things you went to the backstage area with your passes, “okay you have to be a good wing woman and somehow get them to hang out tonight”

“i’ll try but they might be tired”

While waiting to be led into the room, you saw Mark and Haechan come around the corner, “we found you guys finally!” Mark says, hugging you and then y/f/n.

“It’s nice to see you again” she says to him

“You too” he chuckles.

“Haechan you almost blew my cover” you say to him while hugging him.

Mark quickly translates what you said and Haechan laughs.

“Can we start the interview now?”

“Yeah follow us” You start to walk behind them and notice your friend stays by the backstage entrance.

“You coming?” Mark asks her

“I’m not usually allowed in the interviews”

You nodded, she was right.

“It’s okay, we won’t tell anyone” Mark walks up to her and places his hand on her shoulder.

She giggles and starts to walk, you lightly laugh to yourself. I have to tell johnny this

****************************

“Haechan your distinct singing voice is a staple in the nct sound. Do you plan on doing any solo albums?”

After it’s translated, Haechan gets shy.

“Thank you Y/n. I really do want to do one I’m not sure when yet.”

“Great, do you know which genre?”

“I love rnb, but I would really like to do Gospel as well”

“Wow Haechan that’s great, I’m looking forward to it”

You turn to Mark, “and last but not least we have the leader. Mark, you have lived in three different countries and experienced so much at a young age. How has living in Toronto, New York, Vancouver, and Seoul influenced you?”

“Wow. Good question”

As he answered you glanced at your friend taking in every word.

You asked a few more group questions and you were finished.

“Thanks guys! You must be tired”

“I’m actually not.” Mark replies, then glances at your friend.

“I’m hungry” Chenle says.

“There’s a great sushi spot by here actually!”

They all agreed when they heard the word sushi, you pat yourself on the back for being a good wing woman.

****************************

It was really late and the sushi spot was almost empty, so you all decided to eat there. While watching Mark and your friend talk quietly while sitting next to each other, you started to miss Johnny.

This would be around the time you call him anyway, “ I’m calling Johnny” you say to the table.

Haechan gestures for you to give him your phone before Johnny picks up.

Hi babe how was it- Haechan?

Everyone at the table laughed

Johnnyy Hiiiiii he says

Hi but I see you everyday show me y/n

Rude Haechan hands the phone back to you

Hello love how’d you sleep

You were in my dream

How cute

Are these boys causing you any trouble?

Well… you angle the camera to show your friend and mark in their own world

Johnny gasped, it’s happening

****************************

“Big news” your boss says to you, “check your email”

It’s been three days since the concert, and you turned in your interview to teen vogue yesterday.

You went to your email and clicked your most recent message.

“Read it out loud”

You laughed, “okay”

“After consideration, Teen Vogue would like to personally invite you to be one of the main Journalists in our kpop division. In this job you will frequent kpop concerts and conventions, interview established and up coming artists, as well as keep an eye on any kpop breakthroughs.” You pause for a second, you still considered yourself fresh in journalism and were already getting such great opportunities.

“You will be relocated to” wait what? “You will be relocated to Seoul for 6 months, and after that we will reassess before renewing your contract. If this offer sounds like something you’re interested in please let us know.”

You slowly look at your boss.

“I told you it was big news”

“Yeah that’s, that’s huge news. A job like this isn’t even close to the income that i’m making now, I could finally start taking care of my parents, but Seoul.. that’s a big decision.”

“Well while you make the decision just stay low so there’s no reason for them to take it back”

“What do you mean?”

“Please tell me you aren’t doing anything with the NCT boys or anything”

You laughed really loud, “what? what do you mean”

“It’s happened before” he shrugged

“Who and with who?”

he came close to your ear, “remember when sandra worked here”

You nodded

“2017. harry styles”

You gasped

****************************

You sat on your couch, you debated telling Johnny about the job offer. Of course you wanted to see him everyday but it was a big decision. You don’t even know Korean.

You got a text from an old college friend

Hey y/n… is this you?

You raised an eyebrow and clicked on the link she sent, not thinking much of it.

“No way…” It was a tweet with 20 thousand likes.

i’m not familiar with nct but isn’t this them?

attached was a picture of you and your friend with the boys in the sushi restaurant.

“No way”

You read a comment, isn’t that the same girl haechan kept looking at in the concert

someone replied with a video of the exact instance, it is! is that his girlfriend i’m so confused

“No way”

part 3 next

taglist (comment to be on it) @amessofthings @amazinggraxia

[jung-koook]

As a new army I'm fascinated to hear about people being fans from the start. And you've been here pre debut! I would love to hear your story. How did you find out about them? Was there as much info about trainee groups then as there is now? What drew you into them? Were you into k-pop before? What was your reaction to tae's face reveal? Thoughts on the debut album and performance? Were there translations easily available? Are you friends with any army from those days? Which was the first show you went to?I would love to know everything! It's incredible you've seen their whole journey in real time. (So many questions i apologise lol)

I dont know if this still happens so often but at the time they debuted it was quite common for us to know information about new groups even before they debuted. so in december 2012 i was on my laptop on a kpop forum and they were talking about bighit and their new group. I remember at that time they said that bangtan was going to have a lot more members. and there were already people sharing photos of the members, video of namjoon rapping and also their youtube channel. and thats when I got curious. at that time i was missing something totally different in kpop and i saw it in them and especially in namjoon (i didnt know about jeongguk when i found out about them). at that time bap had debuted with something very different from what they used to have in kpop but i didnt feel connected to them or curious about them, but with bangtan i got curious as soon as i heard about them.

i've been listening to kpop since i was a little kid. i have an aunt whos been a fan of tvxq since they debuted so she was the one who made me go deep into kpop. at that time the only group i really liked all the music was shinee. i even cut my hair like taemin in lucifer but i looked like a dog lmao. replay and lucifer is one of the few songs from that era that I still remember the full choreography 😆 but i think what made me like shinee besides their music was taemin and jonghyun. I thought he was so amazing and I still think he is one of the most amazing and talented artists we have.

ever since i found out about bangtan every video and stuff they posted had me so mesmerized and hypnotized. anything they posted I said, "they are amazing!!!" 😆 I think their debut album was amazing and managed to show very well what they came to do and show at that time. I think their first album was perfect! but since I always liked groups from big companies, it was very hard to see how different the treatment is for those who are debuting from a small company and those who are debuting from a big company. and also how hate came to bangtan since they debuted. it was something that was very hard to see. you've probably seen them talking about it and how it went for them right. at that time I had a need to read and wanted to defend bangtan from everything. now I'm not like that anymore but I still feel super protective of some things. even though I dont think I had to waste time on these things, sometimes its really hard to stop myself.

we didnt have so many translations at that time :/ here on tumblr we had bangtan tumblr from the beginning. they had another blog until they made bangtan tumblr. and soon a already had bts-trans. I'm not 100% sure but I think bts-trans was the first source of bangtan translations we had. and for good quality video content we only had one source which was _helloflora on twitter. and yes i made a lot of army friends since the beginning but most were all namjoon and yoongi biased. I think because they are older than me. my first concert was in 2014 in zepp tokyo which was their first showcase in japan.

dont worry!! I loved your questions and I loved sharing some more of my bangtan story with you ♡

[greywindys]

Coachella day 1 thoughts! As some of you may know, I had tickets for Coachella back in 2020 until was canceled due to covid-19. Since then, though no line up has inspired me and my concert bff to take the plunge to purchase tickets again, I still follow the festival and watch the live streams. Ngl, the line up this yeas was pretty underwhelming to me on first glance, but there have been some surprises so far.

The biggest surprise - Bizarrap! I feel so dumb because I've been watching his "Bzrp Music Sessions" for a while now, but I always assumed the youtube channel was just a record label or something, but no, he's a DJ/Producer who's done a lot of work in the Latin American music scene. His set was all energy and he mixed together a bunch of songs I love. I didn't go in with the intention to watch his entire set, but I did!

Ateez - I don't follow the KPop scene that much. Tbh, I mostly learn about new groups through the Coachella line up. But they were fun! As most KPop music goes, they performed a bunch of bops that I'm going to want to add to my workout playlist.

Yoasobi - I went into her set only knowing her one big hit, but she put on a great show!

Neil Frances - Had never heard his music prior to this. Loved his sound, a great spring vibe. I'm now a fan.

Clown Core - Okay, so I didn't leave a fan exactly lol, but I wanted to highlight them because this is what I watch the streams for - something completely out there that I'd never seek out on my own. I respect it.

Blog relevant - Dom Dolla (of New Gold fame) is there and is performing multiple times under different names. I didn't watch much of his set, but if you're a Gorillaz fan, it might be interesting. Oh, and Blur.

[hhappylliving]

Just me feeling sad for myself post

I left and visited a friend where I used to live before going down to Atlanta for a concert.

I've been at my parents house for a year now. I went to 1 concert December of last year, literally took a train down the same day of the concert and left the next morning.

I went to my first concer this year- and I know concerts aren't for everyone and they're not a part of everyones life, but they're a part of my life. My first concert/s were when I was studying abroad because there were people I actually wanted to see touring. I went to 3 concerts in the span of 1 month.

I found the magic in them going to 2 kpop concerts in 2019. I bought tickets in January of 2020 for another concert. When concerts occurred again, I went to 9 in 2022. At the least I had to drive 3.5 hours to get to venues. Most of them required 5-6 hours of driving. 2023 my life changed and I still went to 4. This was the first concert of the year. At the end of July. and its a group I LOVE. It's a group that's been my number 1 most listened to group for 2 years. This was my 2nd time seeing them.

I get a "So I'm assuming youre glad you went?" from my dad. and that's about all. So lets say I start talking about my time anyway? I'm met with literally nothing. I even made it kind of a joke and said "you want to see the ugliest lightstick before it gets put back in its box?" my mom looked up from her phone. My dad didnt. my dad is the one that literally came and connected his phone to the tv to show off (crappy) videos he took at the concert they went to last year that they happened to get tickets to for free because a coworker has year round tickets and they couldn't make it. he's the one that "forces" me to look at the pictures he takes, makes me look at the differences in the before and editing of them. Shows them to me when he gets them printed. Shows me his record discs when he buys them.

and yet he will not have the same courtesy for me. the literal one time I actually attempt to show something off.

this is why I dont tell my parents anything I'm actually interested in. because I'm not pushing children out of my vagina and children become the main hobby of my entire life, my hobbies aren't important. because I have no interest in owning a house and dont care about decorating or redecorating my interests dont matter. one time I wanted to look at the albums at the store- as literally every kpop stan does- and my mom goes whats that? and I said oh nothing, its a group I dont listen to. she latched onto that and bought that exact album. (and for anyone that says "its the thought that counts" its not. thats the theme of my life. I'm not actually listened to. its not enough that its "a thought")

I'm not jealous, I'm not a person who feels jealousy and I am so happy for others, but sometimes I really can't but help to feel jealous when I have friends who have parents who actually give a shit about their hobbies and interests. I have a friend who goes to concerts with her mom. I have a friend who is older herself and gives a shit about her own kids interests and will bring her kids to concerts and even pay for them(adult children) to get to have the fun extra experiences kpop brings just because it's their interest. I'm so happy for them. and I wish I could relate. I already accepted this as a teenager, and probably even as a kid, but sometimes I'm still allowed to be sad for myself.

[maester-of-spreadsheets]

Okay okay okay more coherent IU concert thoughts because I wanna get this down when I’m still floating on air

So, I was nervous because I was alone and wondered if I’d be on the older side. But there were so many different generations there. I half expected it, but it was still really cool. Reminded me of the Shreya Ghoshal concert!

I was way up in the nosebleeds and while it would be nice to see IU closer, the light sticks made the whole thing so visually spectacular it sometimes felt like I secretly had the best seat in the house. Like, when I entered the stadium everything looked like this and I went into 🤩 mode and haven’t left it since.

And that was only the beginning with them. I don’t know if this is a common thing but somehow they were connecting to the stage lighting so they would change in time with the music and the visuals on stage??? Or maybe not and everyone just went to rehearsals that I never found out about. So you’d get visuals like this sprawled out in front of you and it really is no wonder I still have stars in my eyes:

And then of course, there was IU herself … and I have no words. She was just such a consummate artist. In person her voice was so clear, like a bell. And you could tell how much love she’d put into this concert and how much she wanted to connect with the audience. And we were all vibing off each other so hard that it made every note feel goddamn electric. And I’m so glad for it because the crowd strike think meant she couldn’t fly here from the previous stop. So she had to drive here. From ATLANTA. And she kept talking about how worried she was that she would be too tired to perform well but our enthusiastic welcome had energized her again. And now she wanted nothing more than to come back to DC someday. And idk it just felt so great that she at least had a warm welcome here after all that chaos!

She’s also so so funny. At one point she randomly started rattling off American slang she was picking up and became obsessed with. “I learned this phrase ‘ate it.’ What did I eat though?”

And yeah I just … vibed with songs I didn’t know, immediately developed love and appreciate for songs I didn’t care for (Celebrity is great with a live band who knew) and fucking transcended at my favorites.

I especially lost my goddamn mind during Shopper. I don’t know if it’s supposed to be kinda satirical or tongue in cheek. I think there’s likely something in there about the external validation (through, well, buying stuff or maybe it’s gesturing at social media likes or something?) But it’s been a year where I’m trying to do more, create more, love more. So I was shaking a little when I was singing stuff like “shop all day ay ay ay ay ay ay/greed is free ay ay ay ay ay ay!!” Also yelling LOOK AROUND!!! and seeing all the light sticks rewired something in me.

And yeah seriously the team behind this show really cared about the audience experience. There was always something going on with the stage, but it also somehow made the huge venue feel intimate. And they actually projected the romanized lyrics on to the screens complete with fan chants. So that’s a new experience for 2024 I guess. Going to a kpop concert and doing fan chants. Only took me a decade.

And yes I got to hear quarter life crisis/social satire song of my heart “twenty three” love and I’m so delighted. The intro video was funny too because it started out with the MV cake with the candles on it that said 23 but then it showed current day IU walking up to it and switching it to 32 (her current age.)

And then finally the second encore. She basically took requests and would randomly pick songs people had written on signs or did the songs people were yelling at her to sing. Which is a frankly insane way to handle an encore in a stadium that size but it was so charming. Idk man… let’s go haul!!

[r-ebelchaoshq]

So lets back track to 4 years ago. When I met J-ess. She is the beginnings to this catastrophic, dumpster fire roller coaster I am currently on. We met while she was at work and I was just conveniently there. Turns out, we had a shared love for a certain music genre. And since I was wearing a shirt that showed that, she yelled from where she was down to where I was. And thus began the conversation.

Initially - we did NOT become friends. I had a different friend group at that time, and she was always with her ex boyfriend - but there was a night where we both happened to be watching the same streamed concert, drinking the same wine, both drunk out of our minds, and THAT was the moment our (now broken) friendship began. I thought she was a pretty chill chick, and her ex was a pretty chill guy too, so why not? I introduced them to my then friends group - let me stop here for a moment and explain that THAT friends group still exists, we just aren't as close as we once were, because life happens. But we all still talk and occasionally see one another. - everyone seemed to get along (or so I thought).

We had a few getogethers, a few small parties, but slowly and surely, the original set started to drift. I chalked it up to life. One was dealing with home life issues, one was dealing with job life issues, and one had met the love of her life and was starting a whole new chapter. But coke to find out WELL later on, that it was because of J-ess and the things they would witness. But I am not that smart at times and choose to believe there is good in everyone, so I kept her around. Kept telling myself she was actually a good person deep down. (Now is when I wish I had listened to everyone back then.) Enter my (former neighbors), who knew J-ess. Knew her from years prior. And oh man, did they look terrified when I told them I was hanging out with her. Instantly, their bodies stiffened, their faces went pale and I get a very stern "Be careful. She is a pathological liar." .... Interesting. But I stated people can change. They can grow. And they did agree with that. This was all in 2019.

Lets skip to 2020. Pandemic time. Since J-ess had been in my place a large portion of the time prior, she still would stop up occasionally when she could. We would hang out, watch MVs, and just bullshit. This is when I introduced her to a certain KPop group that I had found in 2019. She, in the beginning, would not give them a chance. Would not listen to them. Wouldn't even glance at their pictures. But I was truly tired of listening to just one group, and knew it wouldn't hurt her to broaden her horizons. It took me a WHILE, but after seeing the one member in their (at the time) newest MV, she was hooked. And that began the journey of getting to learn this group. And how I now wish I had not let it go as far as it did...

[eventhedarkestlightshines]

Concert Surprise

Masterlist

K-pop AU - MET Gala, Chance Meeting

Pairing: Timothée Chalamet x KpopFem!Reader

Summary: Timmy and Y/N finally collabs.

Notes: There were so many inspirations for different aspects of this fic but I’ll just state the main ones. I was initially inspired by that viral video of a worker dancing to Itzy’s Loco and someone walking in on her but I don’t really know how to write the dance scenes so this is the closest thing to it that I can do. Another inspiration that helped write this story was IU’s Kuala Lumpar Love Poem concert performance of ‘Every End of the Day’ and seeing the interactions between IU and one of the backup dancers were too cute and I knew I had to include that. Basically I wanted to write something with Y/N showing off to Timmy LOL. Another thing I wanted to mention is that Kpop concerts usually end with a happy, peppy, energetic song so please imagine them dancing to a song like that.

On another note, I tried something new with this fic; I played around with the POVs and I hope you all like it.

Not beta’d!

---

T: Hey Y/N! Just wanna let u know, i’ll be at ur next concert

Y/N: What? Really?

T: Yup, just wrapped up a shoot and had some free time, so i got me some tickets

Y/N: This late?

T: I got links

Y/N: 🤨

T: Ok fine, i knew we were wrapping up at this time so i bought the tickets when they went out as a surprise…

T: So… Surprise!

Y/N: 😂

Y/N: I’ll have someone send over the details on getting backstage

T: U don’t have to

Y/N: Too late, just told someone to do it

Y/N: R u sure btw? I know my stuff isn’t your type of music

T: i’m sure, i actually do listen to ur music

Y/N: u do?

T: yup, it’s missing something tho 🤔😉

Y/N: …

Y/N: Ok, so, I’ve been thinking about that collab u’ve been chasing

T: r u finally going to do a music collab with me?

Y/N: Not exactly…

Y/N: I just had an idea. Why don’t u come up on stage with me for a song

Y/N: I mean, the internet seems to agree that ur a good dancer

T: Uhh… I mean, glad to hear that ur admitting to my dance skills…

T: But you know, as much as I hate to admit it… I’m not on ur level…

Y/N: LOL, don’t worry, it’ll be one of my simpler choreo

Y/N: I usually perform it at the end of my shows, that way u still get to see the concert

T: *phew*

Y/N: 😂

Y/N: the only thing is, the song is definitely not ur thing and i’m not sure if you still want to go through with it…

T: which song is it?

Y/N: this [link]

T: that’s fine. I’m still down

Y/N: R u free tomorrow?

T: I should be

Y/N: ok, here’s the address, we’re doing some stuff in the morning but you can drop by in the afternoon

---

Timmy walked through the halls trying to find the room Y/N told him that they would be in. He spotted Bdg/N and deduced that he was close. As he got closer to Bdg/N, he heard muffled music. Bdg/N nodded at him in greeting and he returned it. He then quietly opened the door to see a group dancing to the beat. They were dancing to a song he never heard before. Was it a song he missed or was it something new? Before he could think more about it, he saw Y/N at the front. She was so focused on the performance that neither she nor the dancers noticed him.

Timmy stared at Y/N with soft and amazed eyes. He watched her move across the floor, easily transitioning from one move to the next and doing moves that he can only dream of doing. She truly was on another level.

Y/N was right, he didn’t typically listen to K-pop but there was something about her music that he just couldn’t stop listening to.

It was interesting that she had a wide repertoire of sounds; one song would be more rock, EDM the next, and then pop, etc. while still maintaining her signature style. He liked that she experimented with different types of genres and made it her own. While he vibed with some songs and didn’t vibe with others, he couldn’t stop listening to them, he couldn’t help but listen to all of them, and he couldn’t stop watching her performances as well.

While the song he was going to perform with Y/N stage was one of his lesser liked songs of hers, he would not pass up the chance to perform with her. It was one of the songs that had always put a pinched expression on his face while he watched the performance. He would purse his lips and furrow his eyebrows as he watched her dance cutely with the backup dancer. He knew that it was just the choreo to match the song but it never failed to make him scowl. He wasn’t sure how he’d be able to keep that expression off his face if he saw it in person, but he would have to suck it up if he didn’t want to lose the opportunity to work with Y/N again.

He appreciated the opportunity to perform on stage with her even though the entire thing came from a joke. When other people brought up his non-existent rapping career, he got a bit embarrassed and Y/N knew that but with her, he felt comfortable bringing it up. She knew that he was joking about the collabs but she followed his lead.

The music stopped and Y/N turned to her dancers, but before she could say anything Timmy started clapping.

---

As soon as we did the finishing move, I turned to my backup dancers but before I could say anything, I heard clapping and I looked towards the door.

“Timmy! You made it!” I exclaimed, I turned to my dancers, “That’s good for today, we can run it over again later. Just give me a second to get Timmy settled and then we can show him the ropes.”

I headed towards Timmy and guided him to where he could put this stuff.

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” he asked. “Was that a new song I just heard?”

I was a bit stunned, I knew he said that he listens to my songs but I didn’t think he actually meant it. It warms my heart knowing that. A grin began to form on my face.

“Don’t worry about it. We were just working on a new project, just keep it to yourself and we won’t have a problem. Otherwise we’d have to make you disappear,” I joked. I looked at him and asked, “So are you ready to learn the choreo?”

Timmy scratched his head and laughed nervously, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

I placed my hands on his shoulders and gave him a small shake, “Don’t be nervous. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s the last song and it is bubbly; we usually make it fun and silly. Half the time, we don’t do the full choreo. So relax and just have fun. If you have any suggestions we’re all ears.” Then I clapped my hands, “let’s show you the choreo first and then we can teach you.”

I called over one of the dancers and introduced them to each other, “You’ll be taking over his spot in the choreo and he’s offered to help you.”

“Don’t worry. This is just a simple one,” I teased him one more time as we got into place. “Remember, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s supposed to be fun, so have fun.”

With that, we started the music.

---

At the end of the practice session, Timmy was lying on the floor catching his breath. He could hear Y/N and her backup dancers talking and laughing as they cleaned. When he was about to get up to help, Y/N waved him back down, telling him to rest.

He was tired. He could recall the days where Y/N felt tired and achy during the filming of Dune, not that she complained. There were days where he could see her tense and stiff but by the time it was time to shoot, there was no evidence of it visible. He couldn’t imagine how long and how many performances she did to get to that point if he was only just feeling tired now. It had been hours since he started and he finally got it down without stumbling or forgetting a part. He felt bad that he most likely had taken up a lot of their time despite being reassured that it wasn’t a big deal. They could’ve spent the time they were helping him resting and relaxing until the concert, instead they were patiently teaching him. At least it seemed like they were having fun with the number of jokes and laughter that came out of the session.

While he wasn’t confident that his dance skills were on par with her and her dancers, he was confident that he wouldn’t mess up. He knew that even the simplest of choreos weren’t easy, but he still underestimated the time that he would need to learn it without making mistakes.

It was worth it though. He got to perform on stage alongside with Y/N and he took the role of the backup dancer he was most envious of. It made his stomach flutter when he realized whose role he was going to be taking over.

He startled when he felt something cold touch his face. He opened his eyes and saw that it was Y/N with a bottle of water in her hand. He looked around and saw that everyone left.

She laughed as he sat up and took the bottle, “thanks.”

He took a drink while Y/N lounged next to him.

“Good job today,” she said, “how’d you find it?”

“Pshh, easy peasy, I got it down within the hour. I just didn’t want to make you guys feel bad so I pretended to look like I was struggling,” he said haughtily before chuckling, “Just kidding, it was challenging. I’m amazed that everyone was able to easily rearrange themselves after changing it up and so quickly too.”

Y/N laughed, “Yea, that’s how it is. Sometimes you get weeks to learn a choreo but other times you get days. There would even be times where you don’t get much time to learn it, so you just have to learn how to pick it up quickly. You get better as time goes by. Rearrangements aren’t a big thing. Don’t worry about it. You actually did a pretty good job today. I'm impressed. After a couple of more times, you'll be able to do it in your sleep."

Timmy smiled. He knew it was far from perfect but he appreciated the words of encouragement.

They then were interrupted by a knock on the door. Y/N and Timmy turned their heads towards the door and it was Bdg/N with a paper bag in his hand.

“Food,” Bdg/N stated as he walked towards them.

Y/N made a grabby motion in the air, “Thank you! I don’t know about you but I’m starving!” She took the bag and began to unload it. She looked up at her bodyguard and asked, “Did you get food as well?”

Bdg/N nodded and quietly left the room.

She squinted at her bodyguard’s back and muttered to herself, “I don’t know if I should believe him…”

Timmy smothered a laugh before Y/N turned to him, “We got you some food as well.”

“Oh, thank you. You didn’t have to, I could’ve-,” he started but was cut off.

“After a day like this? You’ve earned it,” she said as she passed him some food, “You’re gonna need the energy for tomorrow. We’re gonna run through it a few more times during rehearsals and figure out stage direction. I’ll give you a run down of you coming up on stage. We’re going to figure out the timing on that as well. Oh, let me grab my phone and show you-”

Timmy chuckled and shook his head. He ate as Y/N continued on about the plan. She became so distracted that her food would have remained untouched if he hadn’t nudged her to take a bite of her food from time to time. This wasn’t the first time he did it, Timmy smiled as he continued to listen to Y/N, and he would gladly continue to do it if that meant spending more time with her.

-

[Video: video started off with the title “Timmy and Y/N cute concert moments” and transitioned into the captions titled “Y/N brought Timmy on stage and we are here for it. They had many cute moments. Here’s a compilation of those moments.”

-

Instagram live: Started on Timmy, “hey guys, guess where I’m at.”

Camera switched over to show Y/N getting her makeup done. She looked up and saw Timmy with the phone. She waved at the camera.

“I’m backstage with Y/N at her last concert,” Timmy said.

“Well, I don’t know how Timmy got backstage guys, he just showed up at the entrance and just followed me in. I’ve been trying to get rid of him ever since, any advice?” Y/N joked.

-

“So this is the last song for the night and I appreciate you all for coming. You’ve all been wonderful and I think you all deserve a surprise. Do you remember a certain video I uploaded some time ago and asked you guys to vote whether or not he could dance?” Y/N said, “Well I decided to invite him on stage. Why don’t you make some noise for him. Come on out Timmy.”

And the crowd screamed when he came out on stage waving at the crowd.

“Well, let’s see if he lives up to all of our expectations!” she said. They got into place and Timmy and Y/N exchanged some words before the music started.

-

“Oh my god, oh my god,” could be heard from the fan taking the video. “They’re so cute.”

Y/N and Timmy bumped hips and then jumped away, pistol pointing at each other.

-

Timmy stood behind Y/N with his arms around her. Y/N fell into the embrace with one of her hands on his as she sang.

-

Y/N stood between Timmy and another dancer, both on their knees with their hands out toward her. Y/N looked between the two. She turned to Timmy, her hand reaching out towards him before turning away and placing her hand in the other dancer’s. Timmy acted like he was struck, with his hand on his chest and the other on his forehead, acting as though he was distressed.

Y/N looked at Timmy and laughed before grabbing his hands and pulling him up.

-

Y/N and Timmy looping arms together and jumping around the stage.

-

Timmy lifted Y/N in his arms and started spinning her around. Y/N started laughing before continuing to sing.

-

The stage was empty but the crowd was chanting for an encore. It continued on until Timmy appears on stage without Y/N, “it’s just me for the encore guys. Y/N sent me for the encore. She’s finally bowing down to my rap and dance skills.”

Y/N appeared after him, “Lies, he shoved me to the side and ran out here. Pretty sure this was his plan; to take over the concert.”

-

Timmy and Y/N playing rock paper scissors, Y/N lost so she turned around and Timmy jumped on her back. She carried him around for a while before he jumped off, her singing stable throughout.

-

Y/N, Timmy, and the backup dancers hopping around the stage in a line.

-

Arms were across each other’s shoulder, head close together. Y/N placed the mic to Timmy’s mouth and he sang a line. The crowd went wild.

-

The song ended and Y/N pulled Timmy with her to the center of the stage and they stood between her backup dancers. They waved at the fans.

“Thank you for a wonderful night!” Y/N said, “Please thank my dance crew and the band for their awesome work tonight!” The crowd cheered as the backup dancers and the band, standing up from their set, waved at the fans and bowed. “What about the crew in the back for the amazing job!” The crowd cheered once more. “Let’s not forget Timmy! Didn’t he do an incredible job!” The crowd goes louder as Timmy pretended to take off a hat, threw it in the air and bowed. He continued to wave at the crowd before grabbing the mic from Y/N.

“Don’t forget Y/N! She killed it tonight! I don’t know about you but I had a great time! And I’m not saying that because she finally lets me on stage and I’m right next to her,” Timmy joked.

Y/N laughed and playfully slapped Timmy before waving and bowing at the crowd. She took the mic from him.

“Thank you again for coming and I hope you all enjoyed yourself!” Y/N said as they all bow once more before filing off the stage. “Please get home safe!”

Y/N and Timmy waved at the fans one more time before leaving the stage. As they left, the camera zoomed in closely to the two. They were laughing and grinning at each other, their hands lingering close to each other's. The camera focused on their hands. Timmy's hand reached out to Y/N's, but then the footage got cut off.

[okeydrama]

every drama i’ve seen so far pt.3

record of youth

4/5

so beautiful & aesthetically pleasing

very lighthearted, like a slice of life more than a melodrama

Park Bo Gum <3

both male leads are super cute, I liked how they were both just nice

subverts a lot of traditional drama tropes, it didn’t feel as predictable as other dramas

there was a lot of cute scenes between the leads that made the romance very believable

it was easy to watch until the end, I didn’t really lose interest very often

the leads and most of the side characters were very flushed out in their motivations, dreams and purposes

it’s just so cute

I took a star off because of a few unnecessary scenes, plots and twists but they were not that bad

weightlifting fairy Kim Bok-joo

5/5

wow wow wow

this is one of the most iconic dramas i’ve ever seen

this is a friends to lovers drama which is not something we see often

the leads have so much chemistry and it makes sense that they dated in real life

the female lead is not traditionally feminine and it is so refreshing

the male lead is also not traditionally masculine and it makes him really likeable

the drama itself is hilarious and has many quotable sayings

the characters in this drama also have really flushed out motivations

the found family is iconic

the pacing of this drama was well done

the love triangle was interesting because you don’t necessarily root for her with the second lead but it is realistic portrayal of a teen girl’s coming of age

i just loved all aspects of this drama

true beauty

5/5

another one of my FAV dramas of all time

i was very hesitant about this drama because of the premise and not absolutely loving the webtoon but i gave it a chance and i absolutely don’t regret it

the pacing, energy, tone and aesthetics of this drama were not only consistent but were SO incredible

i had heavy second lead syndrome the entire time but unlike usual, i still loved the main lead and was fully invested in both leads scenes with the female lead

besides the main leads, the side characters were just as incredible

the secondary romance with the female lead’s sister was so cute!!! i genuinely watch an entire drama of just their romance

the female lead’s brother’s romance was engaging as well

unexpectedly, i cried because of this drama which, trust me, i never do and it was because of the incredible representation of mother daughter relationships

the message of this drama was misrepresented in my opinion and is much better than its portrayal

my only complaints are that the horror comic aspect of this drama should have been played up and that the bullying and addressing of bullying could have been touched on more or at least better

love alarm S2

2/5

this was very much a waste of my time

i think i’ve outgrown this story honestly because i was not at all invested in this season

basically, i love that she didn’t end up with the first season’s main lead, i think the person she ended up with was more suited to her and will treat her better

i also liked the maturity of this season compared to the last

the last thing liked was the sweetness of the romance

that being said, this is was mind bogglingly boring to me

the side plots and messages were unnecessary and took up too much airtime

the romance was also unnecessarily drawn out

the tone of this season was completely different than the last and it was a negative change in my opinion

the slow pace, drama and characters were not engaging

this was extremely dramatic and whimsical and it didn’t work for me in this story

yeah... just generally not a fav

reply 1988

5/5

THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT

i have never ever seen anything like this

this is the perfect show, like absolutely perfect

the depictions of familial, platonic and romantic relationships was PERFECT

the nostalgic vibe of this setting was incredible

the settings, wardrobes, objects and events were so well done

never has a show so perfectly invested me in every single character’s story while having so many characters

when i tell you i watched this entire thing in 2 days despite its length, i am not joking

i could not look away or think about anything else for the entirety of watching it and for a week after

there is an element of mystery with who the female lead ands up with and i was personally VERY happy with the result

another drama that i cried watching MULTIPLE times

the representation of different families, romances and personalities was incredible

there were so many scenes that were placed in that were not related to the plot and that was perfect because it was like we were watching their daily lives and interactions and made the watcher love the characters so much more

it is such a sweet, low stakes watch and such a slice of life story

some of my favorite plots: the father daughter relationship, the single-father son relationship, the single-mother son relationship, the protest storyline, the smart-mean-girl nice-good-boy love story, the moments over time create love, the first crush story, the working-mom son relationship, the found family group, the not knowing what the future holds and SO MANY MORE

reply 1997

5/5

i obviously had to watch another show in the reply series

i also LOVED this one

this was more focused on just the kids in the families rather than the families as a whole

the romances were so cute in this drama, and there were more romantic scenes compared to 1988, which i loved

the stan culture depiction in this drama was so interesting and fun to watch

i can’t express how much i loved that she was a kpop stan like it was so entertaining

this felt like a really good depiction of high school and how high schoolers are

i loved the vide of this drama too, the high school and concert setting were very immersive and comforting

the main lead’s romance was SO cute and i fully developed a crush on the male lead

it really felt like i was in 1997 Korea and it was so nice

the gay character representation!!!!! like this is HUGE for a kdrama and especially one set in 2012

I LOVED the female lead, she was so cool

the characters’ growths were so good and well done just wow

i will say that 1988 was better because of the elevation of the familial bonds and the general plot connections but the romances of this one were a lot more developed simply because there were so many scenes

they tried to do a mystery ‘who does the female lead end up with’ but it was very predictable compared to in 1988

hands down another favorite of mine

love in the moonlight

3.5/5

this was a hard one to rate

the romance for me is a 5/5 but the rating went down for a lot of reasons

firstly, i’m a huge fan of sageuk and this drama was a perfect one

Park Bo Gum <3

i think the leads ahead a lot of chemistry

i loved the side characters a lot, and especially the female lead’s friendships with them

the settings and aesthetics were A1

the banter was great

the plot was great and believable

the reason i had to lower my rating comes down to few minor issues that compiled so much that it hindered my enjoyment

the first issue i had is that here were SO many third act conflicts like waaaayy too many

the characters got together way too early so you can tell the writers created a bunch of issues to keep them apart and it could have been avoided if they hadn’t done that

the plot started imposing too much on the main storyline towards the end and i didn’t love that

the second lead was good compared to how they’re usually written so it was extremely bothersome that the love triangle wasn’t made believable, not once did i believe the female lead had any romantic feelings toward him

just generally the individual aspects of this drama were very good but when combined it was all over the place and not cohesive

anyway that’s the update, if anyone has any recommendations for me, please let me know. thanks for reading!

[jikookuntold]

I Can’t Believe We Are Still Talking About This!

Disclaimer: The post you are going to read here, is my personal opinions, plus some evidence. A part of the incidents I mention in this post, is my own observation and the rest came from some trustable sources but yet I don’t claim to be 100% true because first, the sources can be wrong, second, the human mind is tricky and a long time has passed so I can’t claim everything I remember is true. Some of the incidents could get fact-checked, but some couldn’t because the receipts are gone.

First, I had no intention to write about this controversial subject because many people don’t like to bring this up, and I was with them, but it seems people have many questions about it, and they don’t know the details of the incidents. So, I concluded that maybe it’s not bad if we open up a little bit and discuss this subject from different points of view with more details.

But again, I have to clarify this post is not factual, it’s just the things I remember about the subject in a ranting way. This incident had and still has so many unclear aspects, and everything we say or claim is just a theory. I’m not intended to shade or hate anyone, therefore I’m not going to mention any full names here.

TW: Rumor, Suicide, Scandal, Conspiracy Theory

 The Break

You all might know about the break the members had in summer 2019. When their Japan tour ended, and they did some shooting and interviews (like Summer Package), the LDF concert on August 11th was their last schedule and based on BH statement, they were free for 30 to 35 days.

At this time, the members posted updates about being on vacation, but there was not much coming from JK and JM, except JK posting on weverse about staying awake and eating ramen and JM thanking him for eating ramen because of him (it was interesting that JM answered JK’s post about ramen at the same week we had the run episode moment where JK told JM “This is my heart” while putting ramen in his plate). After that, JM posted the videos of Run bottle cap challenge on August 26th.

Anyways, it was pretty clear that JM and JK were together on their days off for at least two weeks since JK mentioned in Bon Voyage 4 (their first schedule after the break) that he didn’t meet any of the members except JM and JH in his days off and since JH was the resident of the same complex, this kinda approved the theory of living with JM. JM also approved this theory, but we will go on that later.

The Rumors

In late August (27th or later) JM’s photos in Paris leaked, and JK was seen in Seoul eating churros, and a photo of his knuckle tattoos started to spread. Everyone was confused, and it was too soon to believe anything. After JM coming back from Paris for JK’s birthday, and leaving for Hawaii the next morning (as he explained in his 12th October Vlive, that year) things started to get weird. I know I didn’t bring up the Paris incidents, and I don’t want to, because it has nothing to do with the subject.

I still haven’t mentioned the subject directly, but I think most of you have guessed it right. In early September 2019, the rumors of JK going to a tattoo shop in Seoul started to spread. At first, the majority of the fandom didn’t take it seriously since the tattoo shop denied the rumors of JK being there, and even the photo of someone backhugging a short-haired girl claiming to be JK got mostly ignored because the photo was low quality and the man in it didn’t look like him that much. This was the time we heard the news about JK going to Geoje Island for vacation, alone, after visiting his family in Busan.

The real deal started when he appeared at the airport on September 16th (the day they were leaving for filming Bon Voyage4 in New Zealand) when we saw his knuckle tattoos, and the rumors turned out to be true. At first, we were excited about him getting tattoos without even knowing if they are permanent or not. But on the same day, the storm came. A photo of JK (this one was clearly him) sitting with that short-haired girl, (LM) eating lunch broke the internet.

The photo was taken from an angle to make it look like they were together alone, but at least two other people (later we found out they were more) were already there, and it was nothing like the date the person behind the camera was trying to make it look. The hugging photo which was taken from the CCTV of a karaoke room resurfaced along with the restaurant photo, and at this time, almost everyone in the fandom started to believe that they are dating.

The Statements

The mess on social media was getting bigger, and everyone was waiting for an official statement from both sides. BH released the statement a few hours later, denying the rumors and no further explanation. Almost one day passed, and there was nothing from LM, not even a single word. Finally, she posted a statement on her Instagram account (which gained a crazy amount of followers, and she didn’t even go on private the whole time).

The statement was extremely shady and been deleted a few hours later. LM claimed that she wasn’t ignoring the situation, and she was afraid to say anything because she knew we won’t believe her. “I am not dating JK” she used this sentence twice in her statement, and at the end, she said “his “J M” tattoos are not our initials!” and made the situation way worse. But the funny thing is, this wasn’t even the shadiest thing she did.

As I said, she got lots of followers (nearly 100k) and interactions on her account and started to delete the negative comments as she should, but she liked multiple comments congratulating her, saying she and JK look good together and things like that. I heard she even liked a fan-art post, but it didn’t end here. When the member came back from New Zealand she posted a selfie with the caption “I have missed you”. At this point, it was clear that she was enjoying the situation and acting shady to make it worse and fuel the rumors and stay on top of the news. But this wasn’t limited to herself because her colleagues at the tattoo shop weren’t any better.

In those days, one of the close friends of LM at the tattoo shop told an ARMY that LM has a boyfriend and there is nothing other than friendship between her and JK. And guess what? The Tattoo shop manager fired him the next day. What was the reason? Were those rumors a booster for their business, and they didn’t want them to die down? The number of followers and attention they gained at that time can approve my point. They were getting the best free promotion, any business could ever have.

Don’t Forget Me!

A few days later, when the public, started to forget the rumors, someone from the tattoo shop (I don’t remember if it was LM herself or her friend) talked to the media about the harassment they were getting from the ARMY to play the victim role. This again fueled everything and made us think over the situation. Was it all a frame for JK? The evidence suggests that it could.

Let’s go back a few days in the timeline of the events. Why JK chose that tattoo shop? Because his 97liner friends recommended him to go there (apparently this line of friends, have matching tattoos either) LM herself is a 97liner, and she is friends with plenty of idols, male and female, so they sounded pretty trustworthy. At the tattoo shop, they (LM and her tattoo shop colleagues) recommended JK to spend his days off at a guesthouse in Geoje Island, and based on LM’s Instagram posts, they were there days before JK, waiting for him, to make it look like they run into him accidentally? I don’t know, but this is a stalker's behavior

After having lunch with LM and her friends at the restaurant (where Sasaeng were there, ready to take photos), they went to a karaoke room and JK, who was pretty drunk (based on what the karaoke manager said later) backhugged LM. But the Sasaengs couldn’t be there to take photos, so they (allegedly) bribed the karaoke employee to show them the CCTV footage and took a low-quality picture of it.

The biggest question is, if the Sasaengs weren’t there, how did they know there is something worthy in the CCTV to check? The answer is they weren’t the main culprit, and karaoke or tattoo shop employees or both were cooperating with them. I mean karaoke employees definitely cooperated with Sasaengs, but the tattoo shop benefited the most. So why not? Anyways, that photo and that moment was the most “intimate” thing they could capture to use against JK.

JK went on that trip with his manager (The guesthouse manager gave out this information later, the part that was lacking in BH statement which could close the speculations way easier and earlier) and stayed at that guesthouse for two days to rest, but everything went wrong from there. This incident has three sides, LM and tattoo shop, the Sasaengs, who were following JK as their full-time job, and the media/industry which was trying to ruin JK’s image. I’m going to talk about all these three but let’s continue with the first one, LM and the tattoo shop.

Almost one month after the incident, LM’s friend interviewed with Korean media and claimed that ARMYs keep harassing her to the point that she wants to commit suicide. This was another attempt to bring everything back on top, but this time, it was disgusting because she did this interview right after one of the famous faces of Kpop committed suicide (October 14th, 2019). She used the situation and the public’s emotions to play the victim role on a higher level. Before this, many believed that she was a victim of some crazy Sasaengs, and she had nothing to do with the incident (I’m clearly talking about the people who didn’t think the rumors are true) but after that, it was clear that she is an attention seeker.

But I think she wasn’t just an attention seeker. She benefitted a lot from the situation. Her business blew up, she became one of the most famous non-celebrities in Korea (if not in the world), and she was literally shipping with one of the most popular men on the planet, who doesn’t like that? Anyways, LM had several friends, foreign older friends who were interacting with I-ARMYs for some unknown reasons, and one of them exposed something very interesting. She said she feels sorry for LM because she thought she had a chance with JK and that chance is long gone. Besides, people saw some conversations between LM and her friends on her Instagram comments about finding an idol boyfriend for her. These conversations happened before the incidents but it’s interesting since LM has several idol friends.

LM had another comeback to the media at the end of October and the next and the last update about the situation, happened in early December when BH stated that they (BH and LM!) are suing karaoke for leaking the photo. But after almost two years, we don’t know how this ended up. The last and probably the worst thing happened in the final episode of Bon Voyage when JK unnecessarily apologized for his behavior. I know JK himself, wanted to do this apology but he didn’t have done anything wrong and didn’t owe any apology to ARMY or anyone else, even if the rumors were true.

A New Ship on the Shore

After that, LM did nothing shady except posting photos of JK’s arm tattoos or someone with similar tattoos in December 2020 explaining their meanings, which was a weird action. After the rumors, JK didn’t visit that tattoo shop ever, and now, an artist who works with BH does his tattoos (the same artist who has done JM’s tattoos). LM announced on April 2021, that she has a boyfriend and some of JK/LM shippers, quitted their beloved ship after that. But not all of them.

We believed that the rumors weren’t true from the day JK and BH denied them, but many people didn’t. They were strongly believing that BH is hiding the truth because it’s Kpop and in this industry, idols are not allowed to date openly, so they had no choice but to deny any dating rumors. But this wasn’t their only reason for their denial. The main reason was the way JK was misunderstood and misrepresented by this fandom (I have a post about it, you can check it here).

At this point, there are people out there, shipping JK and LM. They bring several “proofs” for them being real such as:

1. Having similar tattoos: LM had designed and done JK’s tattoos, so it’s pretty normal for them to have the same style, especially the hand tattoos since he hasn’t changed or added anything on that part. But his arm tattoos have changed a lot, and you can’t see a similarity in them. Besides, knuckle tattoos are very common among tattoo lovers.

2. Having eyebrow piercing: This is another common trend. JK loves piercings and tattoos, and it means nothing, literally.

3. Similar drawings: This one is a little bit tricky and it needs a back story and a conspiracy theory. On 13th May 2020, BH released a Bangtan bomb from MAMA 2019 backstage, where JK drew a sketch of the moon and stars on a whiteboard. On the same day, people started to make a fuss, because LM had a design on her Instagram, very similar to JK’s improvised sketch. The date of her post was 11th December 2019, but the day JK drew that sketch, was December 4th (MAMA ceremony), and this means LM posted her design one week later. So who copied who? Does JK saw that design somewhere in that tattoo shop and had it in his mind, and drew it subconsciously? I don’t think so. Because JK improvised it in front of the camera, and it was originally his idea. Do I think BH has some insiders who took the photo of that sketch and showed it to LM, and she took the idea and made it hers? This is exactly what I think because I trust JK, not LM, nor BH. And the timing of the posts and Bangtan bomb is on my side. Preach!

That’s it. These are the only proofs people bring to say something is going on between them, and the funny thing is, this hasn’t ended even after April when LM announced that she is dating (apparently she had broken up with the last boyfriend right after the rumors started, definitely not sus, lol) The only reason people made a huge deal of those two photos, was one word: Heteronormativity. If LM were a man, none of this would have ever happened. But since this fandom is obsessed with the idea of het-JK, they bought these rumors eagerly. Back to the subject, as I said earlier, the other sides benefitted from this situation. I mean Sasaengs and the media/companies who had a part in the incidents.

Sasaengs always follow their targets and collect photos and videos of them, but they barely share anything publicly because they are criminals, and if they get busted they will be punished by the law. They have their isolated communities and share their information inside those communities. Of course, there are many accounts on social media that claim to be Sasaengs and gain lots of followers, but most of them are fake, and the real ones don’t share information for free, they sell them for high prices. So, there are two possibilities, in this case, someone bought JK’s photos from Sasaengs and published them, or Sasaengs did it themselves because someone asked/ordered them. I can’t see any other possibilities. Sasaengs wouldn’t gain anything from publishing these photos, but other people would, and they are the ones who made this happen.

Who were they? LM herself and tattoo shop? The fansite who wanted to destroy JK’s career? Or BH, who wanted to punish JK for his boldness about getting tattoos and make him more obedient? Or the media and rival companies, who wanted a scandal for their enemy? Or the people who wanted to revive the idea of het-JK? All of these are plausible and I can’t prove or disprove anything, but you can read more about this in the post I linked before.

Did This Affect Them?

Here comes the most interesting part; how did this affect Jikook? Did it affect them at all? Let’s review the timeline of the events again, from this point of view. As I mentioned earlier, we believe Jikook were together until 27th August and then JM went to Paris without any plans and came back for JK’s birthday. On the selfie, he posted that night he had written: “I’m glad to see you after not seeing you for a few days” which confirms that they were together before JM’s unplanned trip. At this point, JK had started getting tattoos and had most parts of his knuckle tattoos done.

When JM left Seoul for Hawaii the next day, JK went to Geoje, and the incidents happened, but nothing was public yet. Then he got arm tattoos and added some new parts to his hand tattoos including J which makes an obvious JM on his ring finger (The part LM claimed that is “not” their initials lol). JK’s completed hand tattoos were not exposed until September 16th when they were at the airport to leave for New Zealand. It was the day all the theories and rumors started. But in Jikook’s point of view, it happened on the second day of their trip.

Now we can start to analyze their moments on Bon Voyage 4. Of course, this series doesn’t show everything, but it gives us some clues about the dynamic of their relationship on those days. The first day of the trip when they were at the airport and Thailand (?) was pretty normal, but after that, at some moments I felt a strange atmosphere between them which I decided to not read too much on. But I found out I wasn’t wrong when in the last episode, JK talked about the awkwardness he felt about the issue with the members.

Jikook had many cute and domestic moments in the first two episodes but the grand gesture happened on the third one when JK climbed a hill without telling anyone, to bring a chunk of snow for JM as a gift, and we all know how much JM loves snow. This was an undeniable romantic act, but do I think this had anything to do with the situation? I believe Jikook was unbothered by those rumors because they completely trust each other, but the image you make for the others is different from the things you know and believe. Maybe this was a grand gesture not just for JM, but for us either.

After coming back to Seoul, there was no news from them for more than two weeks, and then they left Korea for Riyadh. The remarkable moment in the Riyadh concert was related to JM’s birthday. The members had planned a surprise for JM on the stage (The concert was on October 11th one day before his official birthday in Korea) and when it happened, JM said that he was happy because he saw JK happy and JK played a big role in that surprise. Honestly, you have to be deep in love to be happy just because your significant other is happy, even if it’s your own birthday. Let’s not forget the vlive JM did the next morning, and some pretty obvious moments happened that I can’t discuss here, but I bet you already know what I’m talking about. And also JM exposed the things he did for JK’s birthday that year.

A few hours later, on 18:22 (1+8+2+2=13) on local time and 00:22 on Korean time (only 22 minutes after JM’s official birthday in Korea started), JK tweeted one of the most amazing birthday tweets of all time which is comparable to a love letter. I’m sure you know everything about these tweets, so I’m not going too deep on this, I’m only saying that this tweet also was a grand gesture. And let me make another conspiracy theory here. After the rumors started, every time we had a big Jikook moment, something was coming from LM the next day. For example, when JK made this historic tweet, the next day LM's friend was interviewed about committing suicide. Or when SYS Seoul concerts happened (one of the biggest Jikook feasts of all time) and LM herself was at the VIP seats with her friends, the next day she did another comeback to the media. These can be just coincidences, but… never mind.

I Never Thought I Would Fall for a Man

Let’s not forget about the most obvious statements JK made on his first public appearance after the rumors. On JH’s vlive on 24th September, JK said: “I never thought I would fall for a man”. He said these words about JH dancing at CNS music video, and it clearly had nothing to do with Jikook, but it had a deep meaning. We know JK is not a shallow person, and lately, he stated that he thinks a lot before doing anything. So this didn't come out of nowhere, he didn't spit this out without thinking, in THAT situation. You never say such a thing when the internet is exploding with your dating rumors with a girl, do you?

His words can translate to “Do you ever consider the possibility of me not being straight?” This is what I read from his words and his facial expression. Maybe you think I say this because I’m a shipper, and I have this shipping goggle that makes me see everyone gay and debunk any girlfriend rumors. Some people even ask childish questions like “if they are dating why they didn’t travel together?” There are 100 explanations for that, and any couple who have been together for more than two years can answer you. When you date someone, you don’t stick together 24/7. Everyone in a healthy relationship has individuality, and sometimes they want to spend time with friends or alone, especially when they already had a world tour together lol.

Anyways, maybe I have a different point of view as a shipper, but this is not the problem. I never have a problem with my ship not being real (which they have shown enough to know they are). In fact, I will be delighted if any of them announce their relationship freely and publicly, but they haven’t done it yet. JK denied the rumors and gave us lots of hints about the truth, and I’m not delulu for believing him. But if you think he has to be het for backhugging a girl or having an eyebrow piercing, you are the one who is delusional because you are living in a heteronormative world where boys and girls can’t be friends and everyone is straight unless they come out in public.

I really can’t believe this post turning to be this long, and I thank you for reading it all. You might ask why I cared enough to write +4000 words about some stupid rumors that happened two years ago. This is the main question. This had to be ended in September 2019, but many people didn’t want it to end, because they loved it, they enjoyed it, they gained from it, so they protracted it as much as they could, and heteronormative people supported it blindly because of their homophobia or Y/N fantasies or whatever reason they had. I can’t believe we are still talking about this!

[literaphobe]

WAIT WAIT I was scrolling through your blog and you said you watch running man?? oh my goood question! who is your favourite member? thought on kwang soo leaving running man? (also maybe gary and joong ki if you are there when they leave) thought on the new members? fav ep? i'm sorry but it been so long i found people who watch running man

unless you talking about a different running man then...I'm sorry please delete this post and sorry for bothering you

MY FAVE MEMBER. is. no surprise. SONG JIHYO. aka goddess and best at everything. i think i’m very drawn to personalities that always dominate n come out on top. jihyo isn’t really known for being the ace of running man anymore but in my heart she always is :( i also am a HUGE fan of her goddess of luck image like she isn’t as crazily lucky these days bc kwangsoo (icon of misfortune) is gone but if anything makes me believe in supernatural like. the concept of LUCK being a real force in the universe it would be because of her. the way she overcomes odds n comes out on top despite being a bit of an underdog in many situations is SO hot to me. here’s some pictures of her

she’s like. u know how george is like effortlessly pretty despite being just so idc about it? yeah thats HER like she doesn’t give a shit she just wakes up rolls out of bed n goes to work. she falls asleep everywhere too. one time they played giant jenga and one of them had to be on top of the jenga as a ‘risk’ for the jenga tower dying n at the time running man was 6 men 1 woman (her) and they asked her to do it bc they were all scared n she’s the bravest member (she once bungee jumped off a 233m tall building to HELP one of them she literally didnt have to either she just went WEEEEE they all worship the ground she walks on out of respect shes just so cool)

anyway here’s her sleeping on the jenga tower

like???? shes so funny. my second favorite member is kim jongkook n my fave pair on the show is them both :) jongkook is the super jacked guy whos also really smart n good at everything. like u know how whenever george/sapnap/anyone dying screams for dream to help them when they need saving in minecraft? thats like every running man member w jongkook

ANYWAY FAVE EP…. there are so many. i swear to god. but if i were to recommend episodes to start w i’d say the superpowers episode? when they all had superpowers n had to fight to the death (ep74) and the second yoomes bond ep (ep91, i LOVE yoo jaesuk my beloved nation’s mc), the princess race ep (ep103), n park jisung soccer eps (95, 96, 97) OH FUCK THE ZOMBIE EP WHEN THEY WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL WAS FUCKING SICK TOO (ep98) and like uhhhh the baseball ep!! (ep119) and i’ll stop here bc the second people realize i have many episode numbers memorized i’ll look like a crazy person

BUT TO BE FAIR running man is the most popular korean variety show ever these mfs are straight up like A KPOP GROUP. they’ve held fan meetings which r straight up CONCERTS they sing dance etc etc they’re CRAZY u don’t GET IT they are a PHENOMENON,,, jackie chan was on this show RYAN REYNOLDS N TOM CRUISE WERE ON THIS SHOW

running man is literally what happens if u put a bunch of singers, actors, and comedians together n made them do crazy shit (literally everything under the sun has happened on running man. name anything PG. they prob did it on running man) AND THEY BECAME A FOUND FAMILYYYY and its so funny

i think joongki is so sweet n my beloved but i think ultimately him leaving helped the RM dynamic tighten up?? n it improved bc of it?? idk tho maybe itd be just as good if he stayed. i also was a tiny bit upset when gary left n it hurt the show for a while :( gary was so funny but also I HATE MONDAY COUPLE. FUCK MONDAY COUPLE IT TRAPPED JIHYO FOR SO LONG I HATED THAT SHIT. like its so crazy too bc imo they should never have had a loveline but if anything… do it w jongkook the one guy whos actually hot n has enough chemistry w her? they literally were called a ‘power duo’ all the time like brooooo i was so oppressed for liking their dynamic :( BUT HAHAHAHAHAH NOW JONGKOOK N JIHYO R FLIRTING ON THE SHOW ITS SO FUNNYYYY like yaaaassss straightbaiting 😍 its so funny too like there were times when monday couple was a Thing so the other members couldn’t “ship” other pairings but sometimes jongkook n jihyo would be so sus that they couldn’t help BUT say something u know but NOW ALL THE MEMBERS ARE FREE. yoo jaesuk risks his life every week to ship them and the others LOVE to fucking tease them

also kwangsoo leaving made me really sad but his injuries were too bad for him to risk his body every week like that :( all the members have slipped disks n severe back problems because of all the ways they hurt themselves making the show :( i hope kwangsoo comes back to guest soon tho like hes not Permanently gone the way gary is like gary straight up refuses to ever be on running man ever again LOL

also i like somin and sechan :D i admit i do prefer old running man dynamics but the current family is v cozy!! i think their loveline is sweet but i also think its HILARIOUS how the members mostly jaesuk don’t “care” as much about it like in that well get together sure but what we’re REALLY here to do is make fun of jongkook n jihyo ^_^ like they r cute its sweet ALSO somin being added is SO good bc YAY more than one woman also THEIR DYNAMIC IS SO CUTE like anyone remember that time they sabotaged each other in the game where they were competing by kissing each other?? good times

sorry for talking so much running man is literally one of my fave shows EVER n it hasn’t ended despite being a weekly show thats been running since 2010 (theres like over 500 episodes i KNOW im INSANE) like bro at the peak of my hyperfixation on this show I LEARNED THE FUCKING KOREAN LANGUAGE SO I COULD WATCH IT LIVE WHEN IT AIREDDDDD IM CRAZY FR

[ateezmakemeweep]

yeosang x reader; secret relationship au

word count: 9k

angst, fluff

request

as far as secret relationships went, you had never in a million years thought you'd partake in one. it always seemed as if the two people involved were doing something wrong, lying to the ones they loved and sneaking around for their own personal gain. but the moment you met yeosang, you quickly realized you would've done anything to keep him safe.

you hadn't known anything about the boy when you first saw him, just that he was incredibly handsome, caught your attention immediately and was really excited for his chicken dish. he was with seven other boys and seemed to be the calmer of the bunch, elbowing his tall friend with glasses when he got too loud or covering the dimpled mouth of another.

your eyes had lingered over one another the whole night, shy smiles and grazing hands as he took a plate from you or you refilled his glass of coke. you would always hear the boyish chuckles and teasing mumbles of "oooh" when you left, your cheeks flushing because it wasn't hard to miss that you guys seemed to like each other.

"anyone need refills or want to place an order for dessert?" you asked, quirking your eyebrow up as a polite smile stretches across your face. the eight boys stared at one another before looking back at you happily, a giggle leaving your mouth as you hand them a few dessert menus. "i'll be back in a few minutes to-"

"wait," you hear someone say when you turn around, looking back at a boy with dark hair; you'd picked up that he was incredibly bubbly, a contagious laugh that even had you giggling every time you walked away from their table.

"do you know who we are?"

your eyebrow raised at the question, pursing your lips to the side as you look over them. and you know you definitely don't, because you'd remember a group of men this overwhelmingly handsome.

"i don't think so," you say, shaking your head with a small, confused smile. "why? should i?"

"yes!" the dimpled boy says just as another flustered boy mumbles "guys, quiet!" he had worn a pained smile most of the night, trying his best to keep the peace while the smaller blonde just opted to pinch them.

"she doesn't know anything, it's fine," he says, waving his hand casually before turning back to you. "we're kpop idols. our group is called ateez." your mouth falls open and you're quick to nod your head, an excited smile on your face; you had never heard of them but you find it cool that they just waltzed into your place of work at nine o'clock on a sunday.

"and the one you wanna know is yeosang, vocalist and performer of ateez. he has a pure heart."

you see the blonde boy hide his face in embarrassment as the others laugh, biting down on your lip so you don't add on to his obvious discomfort. "and what are your names?" you ask, eyes meeting yeosang as they excitedly introduce themselves and bring the attention away from him. his gaze is soft and grateful looking at you, his cheeks still pink and causing your stomach to flutter; he is so cute.

"get his number!" your co-worker whispered to you when you went back into the kitchen to wait for their dessert.

"they just told me they're famous, why would he want my number? i'm just a measly waitress."

"i'm just a normal, average girl!" she mocks with a roll of her eyes. "shut your mouth and get his number! you've been eye-fucking each other all night!"

"we have not!" you squeal, hitting her arm roughly. she helps you bring out the eight plates of cake and only smirks at you the entire time, watching again as the boy's shy eyes trail over your smiling face; it's actually a little sick to witness.

"we have not," she mocks again under her breath as you two walk away from the table, pinching her arm lightly and causing her to snort.

but because you totally were eye-fucking, as she so eloquently put, after nearly thirty minutes of the boy hyping himself up with the help of seonghwa and yunho, he caught you after he went to the "bathroom," and apologized for his friends.

"i know they're a lot," he chuckles out awkwardly, "but they mean well."

"they're funny," you assure him with a smile. you can't get over how cute he is, seeing just how nervous and anxious he is to be talking to you alone. it almost seems impossible that someone could look like him but be nervous in the presence of anyone. "i'm not surprised you guys are famous."

another chuckle leaves his mouth as he shakes his head, bowing his head slightly in an effort to hide. it only makes you like him more, seeing how humble and down to earth he is.

"we're not that famous," he mumbles but you know when you google them in about twenty minutes, you'll see just how humble he's really being. because you think just being able to google them in the first place shows a certain level of fame.

"oh no?" you quip with an eyebrow raised. he bites down on his lip to hide his growing smile, shrugging his shoulders before finding it in himself to ask for your number.

"no," he says with a smile, "so maybe...i can get your number?" you can't help the big smile that makes its way on your face, never ever being one to accept a customers advances or phone number; but you know you'd be a fool to deny this one.

so just this one time, perhaps you can make an exception; because who are you to deny kang yeosang, vocalist and performer of ateez?

and thank god you made that exception. because almost a year later, you guys were still together. your relationship had been a whirlwind of texting and facetime calls, meticulously planned out dates and getting to know each and every chaotic member.

when he asked you to be his girlfriend three months after meeting, he had been very straightforward about it. saying that, while the company didn't have a dating ban like most, they weren't too keen on their idols dating. and there'd also be other things to worry about, like crazy fans and paparazzi but most of all:

"to keep you safe," he said hushly in your car. it had been after a quiet date at a movie theater and cafe a few towns away, your hands intertwined and bodies knocking as you walked down the street like any other young couple. "it could be kind of scary and overwhelming and if you got hurt, i would be so-"

"i'll be fine," you told him with a pout. "it's fine. i can handle it."

and for the most part, you'd had been. sure, it was hard for you guys to go weeks apart with sometimes little to no communication. but when you were able to see him, it only made your time together that much more special. you thought there'd be a lot more hiccups than there were, that you'd feel insecure or he'd be tired of spending any free moment he had with you; but that never seemed to happen.

your favorite times were hanging out at the dorm, watching a movie with him and the other boys as you cuddled into his side or ate take out with them on the messy dining room table.

"i think i could pull off being bald."

"you definitely couldn't."

"only if you shave your eyebrows."

"no one is shaving their eyebrows."

"hongjoong, can we please try being bald for our next comeback."

you, yeosang and yunho laugh into your bowls of noodles as hongjoong looks at the boys in annoyance, just one stern look and a shake of the head immediately making it clear no such thing would be happening.

but then the chaos is quickly turned into the form of stealing each other's food, light smacks and whines you're far too familiar with now.

"so your concert's next friday, right?" you chirp, wiggling happily next to yeosang. you'd only seen one other concert of the boys and you hadn't even been there, it was abroad and you couldn't afford the flight so you had to watch online.

but now they're back home and doing shows again, leaving you overwhelmed with excitement that you'll be able to see just how amazing they are live. you sometimes couldn't believe the difference of them on and off stage, knowing all of the long hours and hard work they put into their performances absolutely pays off.

"it is," yeosang says, his voice slightly tight. but it goes unnoticed by you, too excited thinking about what you're gonna wear and telling your friend you guys get to go. hongjoong's eyes are hard and his jaw is tight as he looks at yeosang before moving to yours, immediately deflating when you see how he's looking at you.

because while you got along with everyone, hongjoong was the one person who always gave you a tough time. he thought it was incredibly reckless what you guys were doing, not at all feeling comfortable about you and yeosang potentially putting them all in jeopardy.

you quickly realized his dislike for you, though, when you first visited the dorm.

"i'm five minutes away!" you typed excitedly to your boyfriend, walking down the block to the dorm. it was only your sixth time hanging out with yeosang since you guys had started dating four months ago and you were so excited to see him. you'd only been facetiming or talking on the phone at nights when he didn't pass out and while you loved your conversations with him, you just wanted his arms around you.

you stuck your phone back in your pocket when you rounded the corner, looking up at the familiar address before walking in the building. you made your way to their door and knocked, yeosang answering with his long blonde locks and sweet, almost shy smile; it took everything in you not to throw yourself into him right then and there.

and that's exactly what you would have done, had hongjoong not seen you walk in without a mask or hat on. you smiled and waved at the boy, expecting a hi or how are you but instead getting greeted with "is that how you came in?"

your eyebrows pulled together in confusion, looking down at yourself in fear you had holes in your pants or bird poop on your shirt. but you didn't see anything awry so when you look to yeosang, you see him watching the boy silently, his body language completely different from just a second ago.

"uh, yeah?" you say in confusion, an apprehensive smile on your face. "why, is there something-"

"where's your mask? or your hat?" he snaps, his eyes moving to yeosang. "and why didn't she wait for a staff member to get her like i told you?" your boyfriend doesn't answer though, your eyebrow furrowing because he didn't mention that.

but then your phone vibrates in your pocket and you see a message from two minutes ago, yeosang telling you to wait down for someone to get you.

"oh," you squeak out quietly. "i'm sorry, hongjoong. i put my phone away before i-"

"you can't just waltz in here, y/n, you guys said you would be careful."

you draw your body back at hongjoong's harshly spoken words. you always heard the boy's say he was scary but you never could've imagined how given his smaller stature and sweet face; but now, however, you see exactly what they're talking about.

yeosang pus his hand on your waist noticing your discomfort, squeezing you reassuringly before looking at his older friend. "it was the first time, hongjoong, she didn't know."

"well you guys should've talked about it before," he says, narrowing his eyes as he looks between you and yeosang. seonghwa walks over and greets you with a small smile, putting his hand on the boy's shoulder. "hongjoong," his deep voice says warningly.

but he can only roll his eyes, not shoving his friend's hand away but continuing his lecture. "no, seonghwa. they don't seem to understand how risky this is. we could all get in trouble for this nonsense."

"it isn't nonsense, she's my fucking girlfriend, hongjoong," yeosang snaps. you can tell how tense the room gets once the boy says something, feeling yourself swallow nervously at the escalating tension in the room.

"it is nonsense if it's something that ruins everything," the boy retorts, now shoving seonghwa's arm off of him and taking a step closer. you hold yeosang in place when he tries to move, your hand closing around his warm arm.

"i don't intend to ruin anything," you speak up, voice quiet but firm as you try to prove yourself to the group's leader. "i'll be careful next time, i'm sorry that i didn't-"

"it doesn't matter if you intend to ruin something or not, it could just happen," hongjoong says, the stress of the situation getting to him. "one wrong move and you'll be the one to blame for-"

"go in my room," yeosang mumbles in your ear, cutting hongjoong off before he pulls you behind him. you want to obey because the tension is so thick and you're feeling a pang of anxiousness and sadness in you, but you don't even know where his room is.

"san, can you bring her," yeosang asks, eyes not moving from hongjoong as the boy quickly rushes over and guides you down the hallway. the faint sounds of your apologies and san's assurances quickly gets drowned out when yeosang steps closer to his leader.

mingi and yunho watch huddled into one another on the couch, jongho ready to jump up and separate a brawl as wooyoung debates whipping out his phone to record.

"it was my fault, i should've told her from the beginning," yeosang admits before a dark, harder look is in his eyes. "but you won't talk to her like that again." hongjoong's eyes narrow at him, never once picturing yeosang would seriously talk down to him or challenge him; and it appears he's not taking well to this change in the moment.

"i'll talk to her how ever i see fit. if you two are gonna fuck everything up for us then i'm-"

"you won't if you're gonna make her feel bad," yeosang growls. "this was the first time hongjoong so lay the fuck off. we're not gonna get caught or do something stupid."

"she already did something stupid, she doesn't understand-"

"you don't understand that i just said we're gonna be careful," yeosang snaps, taking another step closer to hongjoong that causes the youngest to stand up. "so don't talk to her like again."

and before yeosang does something he regrets, like pushing the older boy or getting anymore heated, he turns away without another word while the four boys on the couch look at each other behind hongjoong's back.

"that was cute," mingi whispers, yunho smirking as he nudges his friend's arm.

"cute?" wooyoung whisper yells "that was fucking cool, i never thought i'd see him-"

seonghwa's neck snaps back to shake his head at the boys, leading hongjoong into the kitchen as the door to yeosang's room closes. san pads out a few seconds later, looking into the kitchen before at the other boys.

"was she okay?" yunho asks. san can only nod, plopping back down on the couch. "yeah, she's okay."

but that was kind of lie. because the second you were away, you felt tears prick your eyes. you hadn't meant to cause problems or upset hongjoong, you didn't even think to wear some sort of disguise. your brain doesn't think like that, you would never assume someone would take a photo of you or be curious about who you were.

you would hate to be the reason why members got in trouble or were fighting and you mostly certainly won't be the reason all their hard work gets jeopardized. the door opens and san pats your shoulder reassuringly, his soft words and dimply smile calming you every so slightly.

but then yeosang comes in and you feel your composure crack, watching him close the door just a little too loudly.

"yeosang, i'm sorry. i put my phone in my pocket and didn't-"

he's over to you in a second, sitting down on his bed and wrapping his arm around your shoulder. you melt into him and he places a kiss on her head, rubbing your back up and down as his stomach sinks at the tears he saw in your eyes.

"i'm sorry he's such a dick," yeosang grumbles and you feel yourself frown at that; you'd only ever heard him praise hongjoong, say how he's the best leader they could have and always makes sure they're treated fairly.

"he's not, he was right," you say, watching yeosang pull away and look into your watery eyes. "that was stupid. it just didn't occur to me and now i feel bad that i-"

"nothing happened," he says, taking your face in hands gently. "we're getting used to it, baby. it's a weird and new situation but we're gonna be okay."

you don't even realize there's a slight pout on your face until yeosang bend down to kiss your lips. you kiss him back immediately and he hums against your mouth, gently stroking your face with this thumbs as you do so. and then one thing leads to another, his kiss trailing down your cheeks, down to your stomach before he slips off your pants.

you moan into the crook of your arm before he forces you on top of him, lowly spoken praises of you being his good girl and riding him so well until you both come undone.

your head rests on his chest as your heart rates slow, his fingers playing with the ends of your hair as you trace shapes on his skin. "are we really gonna be okay?"

he looks down at your mumbled words, hearing how your voice sounds apprehensive and unsure. his hand moves to your hair, moving the slightly sweaty strands away so he can see your soft, shy gaze.

"of course, baby. why are you asking that?"

"because...it's stressful. and kind of scary. we could ruin not only what you worked so hard for but all the other boys too." you feel him still at your words and you immediately shake your head, in fear that he might be thinking you don't wanna do this.

"i knew that going into this but i'm just...if we have to break up, i don't think i would blame-"

"we won't have to break up," he assures you. his voice is always deep and gruff but much so more after...your time in bed, his lowly spoken words in your ear almost always the reason for another round. but you can't even think about that right now, wanting nothing more to just lay here with him as his fingers stroke your hair.

"how can you be so sure?" you ask him, your chin on his chest as you look at him. he smiles at the soft look in them, grateful to see they're not longer watery with unshed tears.

"because i love you and i won't allow us to break up over something like that. we'll always figure it out, okay?"

and you'll always remember how happy you were that night, the pink blush on your cheeks present until you went home the next morning. he had calmed any and all anxieties you had after hongjoong's scolding and you thought that no matter what happened, you'd be able to endure it.

"i'm... still able to go, right?" you ask quietly, eyes moving from hongjoong to yeosang. he's looking at you with a sad expression, barely able to take seeing the way the light leaves your eyes.

"we'll talk about it later, okay?" he says lowly, throwing hongjoong a dirty look before you nod and move your eyes to the table; this was gonna be a lot harder than he thought.

because just three days ago, the company called them in for a meeting and confessed that they knew about you. about how he was not so discreetly sneaking you into the dorm and has been going out on public dates for months. and they basically gave him two options: end things now or reconsider his goals and see if he still wants to be an idol.

"why can't i have both?" he had asked, shaking his head in bewilderment. he was so mad, he had never felt rage the way he did in that crowded office. "just because i'm with her doesn't mean i'm any less dedicated."

because he hadn't slacked off or missed one practice. he had been doing everything the same and that's how he knew the company had to have found out by something or someone else.

but then they said the same things hongjoong had said months ago, that a public relationship is the last thing an up and coming group needs, that he can't be splitting his time between you and them: he needs to give them 100%.

"so you're basically forcing me to break up with her?" he snapped. it was so out of character and everyone knew it, knowing yeosang as the boy with a shy cute smile despite the way he could lay into the members.

"we're telling you to do what you think is right, for you and everyone else."

he had ended up breaking down the next night, not being able to focus in practice or get down any food, and then the second he crawled into bed and smelt your perfume from a few nights before, he was done.

he didn't wanna break up with you. he loved you more than he thought he could ever love anyone and he doesn't wanna leave you. but he also worked so hard to get here and wouldn't fuck over his members; that's something they all said in the beginning they would never do.

so after much debating and crying on wooyoung's shoulder, he came to his decision.

"so what did we have to talk about?" you ask quietly. you two had snuck into his room a few minutes into the movie the boy's put on, all of them laying on one another like a tired litter of puppies.

"a few things," he hums lowly, the way his stomach is twisting in devastation and anxiety too much for him to handle. he's felt tears pricking his eyes all night, watching you smile at him or throw your head back in laughter and thinking this is this last time he might be able to see this.

you hear the slight shake in his voice and feel your heart sink to your stomach, thinking the worst he's about to tell you is you can't go to their concert. and while you were excited, you guess you understand. it's risky to begin with and if there's a chance anyone recognizes you-

"they found out."

your eyes widen when you hear those words fall from his lips but even more when you see him look up at you with tears in his eyes.

"what? h-how?"

"i don't know," he says lowly, walking over to you and guiding you to his bed. you both sit on the mattress, his body leant against the headboard as you sit in between his legs pretzel style. "but they...told me some things."

you turn your head to the side at his cryptic words, looking just as scared and upset as him. but he said you guys would never break up, that he loved you and you guys would make this work so there's no way that's what this is about...right?

he takes your silence as a sign to speak again, a deep shaky inhale before he lets out a sigh.

"we have to break up."

the moment the words leave his mouth you feel your stomach drop. the tears that were building throughout the last hour of waiting and tension and fear watering your eyes. why? why did it matter if you guys were together? you'd almost been together a whole year and nothing bad has happened.

"did...they say that?" you ask quietly, not being able to keep the tremor from your voice. "or is that what you what want?"

his head snaps up at your words and you've never seen him look so angrily at you before. his eyes are watery and narrowed and staring right into your soul. "what?"

you press your lips into a tight line so you let out a sob, shaking your head as move backward. "i don't know, we haven't done anything bad so why would the company-"

"because they think i'm not giving them 100%," yeosang tells you, hating the way you look so small and defeated. "and they told me to think about the guys. i have other people to think about and i still don't really know what to do, y/n."

"but you know we're gonna have to break up," you say quietly, wiping at the tear falling down your face. "that's what you wanna do."

his jaw clenches at the way you're making it sound, abruptly getting up from the bed and walking to the other side of the room. even with your head down and tears in your eyes, you see his fists are balled while his veins pop out of his arms.

"you know that's not what i want, y/n," you hear him say lowly. you look up at him and see him leaned against wooyoung's bed, his arms crossed as he looks over your small, broken figure.

"then why are you doing this?" you cry. you don't mean for it to sound accusatory or blaming but that's how you feel right now. you haven't even fully grasped what he said but you already feel how much your heart and stomach are hurting.

why would he have said that then, all those months ago? why would he get your hopes up and make it seem like he would've done anything to not end things because other people said so?

"you said we would figure out," you remind him. "why would you tell me that if you didn't plan on keeping your promise?"

he's biting his lip hard enough to draw blood and pops his neck to the side, his heart breaking at how wrong this feels, at how sad you look and how at one time he had truly believed that. and for both you, the anger is coming first.

"that's not fucking fair, y/n," he growls and your head snaps up at his tone. "you don't know how hard it was for me to come to this decision."

"as hard as it for me to accept us breaking up even though we're fine?" you say, your voice raiser as your eyebrow quirks up. "we've been careful and i've never impacted your schedule. i'm smart now and always wear a mask and hat, i won't talk to you for hours when i know you're practicing, i don't even get to go to your shows, yeosang."

"you knew that going into this, y/n, i told you a hundred times."

"you also said you loved me and that we'd figure this out."

"i fucking tried, okay," he snaps and the crack in his voice sends a fresh batch of tears right to your eyes. "i cried to them and asked them why i couldn't have both? that we never got caught or were always careful but they just kept saying how a public relationship, or any relationship at all, isn't good for an up and coming group. that i have to think about seven other people."

and once you hear all that, you know in a few days you'll see he made the right choice. but it doesn't stop you from hurting right now, burying your face in your hands as you allow yourself to cry. you hear his footsteps coming toward you and shake your head, knowing that if he hugs you, you're really gonna lose it.

"i tried, baby, i really did," he mumbles, crouched down as his hands rest on your legs. you can only look at him sadly, sniffling as you wipe at your wet face.

"but what if we just-"

and if your sob hadn't cut you off, yeosang pulling you into a hug would have. guiding you off the bed and into his arms where you buried your in head in his chest for one last time. that's all you both you were able to think, that it'd be last time he'd kiss your head or touch your hair.

you'd never be able to wrap your arms around him and surround yourself in the scent you've grown to love. what's served to calm you down no matter what was going on.

"please stop crying," yeosang says into your hair, even though the boy has tears of his own streaming down his face. but you don't stop and neither does he, not until your feet ache and you move to his bed. you two lay in a sad silence, your head on his chest and his arm around you as two wallow in how horrible this situation is.  

you can barely look at him or the boys when you say goodbye, your hands intertwined as he walked you to the door hours later and you left with a small wave. no one missed the way your face was red and tear stained or the way yeosang looked like he was about to completely break down.

which is exactly what happened.

he closed the door and sat himself on the floor, hid his face in his arms as he bent his knees and tried to ignore the way his chest felt empty. it made it worse knowing you had probably started crying again too and that he can't go out and help you. can't take back what he said and pretend you two are just a normal couple who love each other.

because that's the worst part, he loves you and you love him and yet you can't be together.

the boys scattered around the living room don't know what to do, their own stomachs in knots because they knew how hard that was gonna be for him. how you couldn't even look at them as you left and how yeosang's now crying right on the floor.

san is the first to go over, bending down and taking the boy in a hug. and yeosang tries to push him away at first, embarrassed and angry and hating that this is the situation he's in right now. but then san shushes him, tightening his hold on the boy and welcoming the tears that seep into his t-shirt.

"i'm sorry, yeosang," san says quietly. because while he knows it's not their fault exactly, it still sucks that this is what they have to give up. all of them have to give up the chance for a normal life, with a normal dating life and normal stable relationships with everyone but each other.

"i love her," he hears the boy mumble into his shirt and san can't help the way tears burn his eyes. he only mumbles "i know," as he comforts the boy looking at hongjoong who's watching the whole thing unfold silently. and it's at that moment yeosang picks his head up and sees hongjoong looking at him, jumping up as he directs all of his rage and heartbreak at the boy.

"yeosang, i know that was-"

"did you tell them?"

hongjoong raises his eyebrow at the boy whose face is wet and red as he stares daggers into him.

no."

"you're a fucking liar," yeosang growls, pushing the boy backwards and causing the rest of the group to get up. "you hated us being together the second we started dating."

"you think i want you sitting here crying?" hongjoong growls back, his own eyes narrowed as he looks his friend. "i wouldn't have sold you out, yeosang, but you had to know this was gonna happen eventually."

"you didn't even try to help me," yeosang says, his voice deep but wobbling like a heartbroken child. "why did you say anything? you could've tried to help convince them that-"

"there's a reason most of us don't date, it's just too much," hongjoong says, sympathetically but firmly. "and if fans or other people find out, it causes problems yeosang."

"fuck those other people! i love her and she makes me happy."

you could hear a pin drop in the room after that because there's nothing hongjoong could say. he watched yeosang month after month fall more for you, seeing how much more the boy smiled and laughed and was practically glued to his phone.

but never at practice. never at shows. he knew the right things to do and always waited to talk to you or see you when they had breaks; but still, there was too much at risk. he had to keep everyone in mind, their image and success the most important thing for them right now.

"fuck this," yeosang growls, shaking his head as he's desperate to crawl under the covers and just forget about tonight. "you can tell them it's over now." hongjoong calls the boy's name as he shoulder checks him, his footsteps stomping down the hall until the sound of his door slamming shut echoes through the dorm.

"y/n it's been a month, can you please smile again?"

you stare blankly at your co-worker, spraying a dollop of whipped cream on a piece of cake before pulling your lips up in an exaggerated smile. "chocolate cake, coming right up!"

she lets out an annoyed huff, frowning at you before walking out of the kitchen. your smile drops and you lean your head on your hand, letting out a tiny sigh because you really have been miserable these past few weeks.

all the boys apart from yeosang and hongjoong had reached out to you, saying that they were sorry and hope to see you sometime soon. you could only bear to answer with a heart emoji, the reminders of him through them already too much.

you guys hadn't spoke since that night, almost cracking so many times when the tears wouldn't stop and you just wanted him. you hated not waking up to a text or picture from him, you hated not falling asleep on facetime and how dull your life seemed now.

when you guys were together, it had seemed as if a month could fly by because of how frequently you talked; but now it seems like it's been years and you're forgetting everything about him. the way he smelt and the way his arms felt around you and the deep chuckle that always made you giggle no matter what.

"my boyfriend's gonna pick me up later " your co-worker says when she enters back in the swinging doors. "should we stay for drinks?"

"absolutely," you respond immediately, the girl letting out a soft giggle as she shakes her head.

and when the restaurant closed two hours later, you three were sat at the bar downing drink after drink. it was your first time meeting him so they told you about they met and what their first date was like. you couldn't help but compare it to you and yeosang, wondering if you were able to date and live freely how much different your times would've been together.

but you're quickly learning that if there's one thing worse than being sad, it's being drunk and sad. because one minute you're laughing at their story and the next, you have angry tears in your eyes.

"why can't me and yeosang be together too?" you blurt out, words slurred and louder than usual. "why wouldn't they want their artists to be happy?"

"it was probably just for your safety, y/n," your friend tried to say, her arm around your shoulder as she looks at her boyfriend with pity. she knew the second you walked into work a month ago that you weren't right. your face was pale and puffy and there was a sad, brokenness in your eyes that she knew could've only been caused by one thing.

"that's such bullshit," you whine, "they kept saying we were go-gonna get caught. but we never did. we were careful and he never missed practice and why did they make him-

"y/n," she says softly, pulling you into a hug that you melt into. this was the breakdown she'd be waiting for, rubbing your back gently as you cry and hiccup into her shoulder. she hears your broken mumbles of "this isn't fair" and "i love him," against her shirt and she feels her heart break for you.

because you're right. it isn't fair and you do love each other. but she doesn't think saying anything will make you calm down or feel better so she lets you get your tears out, rubs your back and hums against you until all of your drunken blubbering stops.

and then as if crying your eyes out wasn't enough, you feel a churning in your stomach that immediately causes you to jump up and flee to the bathroom. you feel hands collecting your hair a few moments later, the defeat that comes with puking in a public bathroom weighing on you when you lean your head against the wall.

"i'm a fucking mess."

"you're a fucking mess."

yeosang looks up at seonghwa from the couch, the boy breathing and sweating heavily from the late night practice they had. all of them have seen how these past few weeks, yeosang's been a shell of a person. he dances and sings and smiles like a robot programmed to do so but there was no life behind it. there was no light in his eyes or smile, just an incredibly defeated man trying to go on with his life.

and it's not so hard to know why.

"what do you mean?" yeosang grumbles, throwing his arm over his sweaty forehead.

"you messed up the dance three times and you look like you're about to pass out." but the boy only closes his eyes, hiding himself further into the couch while grumbling at him to leave him alone. this has been what seonghwa in particular has been dealing with ever since the breakup, his friend's obvious anger and distress but him not fully coming forward about his feelings.

"you can't keep doing this, yeosang. it's been a month."

and even though his friend means well, speaking lowly and trying to comfort him, yeosang can't stand to hear it.

"you don't get it, seonghwa."

"then help me get it. you've barely talked to us."

yeosang's eyes pop open and his head snaps over at the boy, sitting up from the couch as anger and irritation flood through him. "because what does it matter?" he snaps, "it's over and done with. i ended it."

"but you're still upset."

"no shit i'm upset," he says, jumping to his feet to continue his rant. "i didn't wanna break up with her in the first place and you all knew that. but it didn’t fucking matter.”

"they were thinking about all of us, yeosang."

"and what? you guys think i don’t give a shit about you?" yeosang snarls, "i was being careful for everyone. for you guys and her, we didn't want anybody getting hurt."

yeosang feels tears prick his eyes because this is the most he's talked about it aloud since it happened. he almost texted or called you a thousand times but knew if he did, that he'd beg and plead for you to give him another chance. to prove he'll now do anything to stay with you.

"we just wanted to be together," he says, his voice considerably lower and full of emotion. seonghwa feels his heart tug at the boy's words, a frown on his face as he tries to make his way over to the younger boy. "but nobody seemed to care about that."

"we do care, yeosang, we all hate seeing you like this," he says quietly. "and i'm sorry you can't be with her but you knew that's what was gonna happen when we-

"enough."

it's the voice of hongjoong that makes yeosang's skin prickle. the tension between the boys has been so obvious and it's been the most awkward time for all of them. because they have to fake it at shows and on lives and interviews, smile at each other and laugh and pretend everything is okay.

but yeosang is convinced hongjoong had something to do with it and hongjoong is sick of yeosang moping around and accusing him of things he didn't do.

"hongjoong, we were just-” seonghwa begins to say but hongjoong is quick to cut him off.

"i don't care, we're leaving. let's go."

seonghwa looks between the two boys with a sigh, taking his bag from the couch and meeting hongjoong at the door. but both of them turn around and see yeosang standing in the middle of the room still, his head trained down in front of the mirrors.

"are you coming?" hongjoong asks shortly.

"no," yeosang snaps. "i kept messing up. i'm gonna stay and practice more."

"but you need to rest, too, that's not-"

"let him," hongjoong says, meeting the boy's gaze in the mirror before leaving the room without another word. seonghwa looks at him before letting out another sigh, reminding his friend to drink water before following behind hongjoong.

but yeosang only stays in the room for a few minutes, going over the new choreography twice before making his way outside into the cool night air. the streets are fairly empty and he finds himself walking aimlessly, his mind and brain off like his feet are just leading the way instinctually.

and then his heart nearly falls into his stomach when he hears a male voice call your name, his eyes snapping to see a man catching your stumbling figure by the arm. 

and maybe it's because he can tell you're drunk or because he hasn't seen you or because seeing you with someone else has sent something extremely possessive off in him. but he doesn't even realize he's stomped over and shoved the guy away from you until he pulls your body protectively behind him.

"what the fuck are you doing?"

the man can only look at him in complete shock, his eyes wide and looking between you two before a familiar feminine voice pierces yeosang's ears.

"what are you doing! i told you to help-" her words die when she sees the situation, yeosang looking about ready to kick the other man’s ass while guarding you behind him. her lips quirk to the side as she raises an eyebrow, looking between the two boys before her eyes land on you.

where you look about ready to burst into tears. you grab yeosang by the back of his shirt to spin him around, like you're trying to figure out if he's really in front of you or you're just having some drunken, extremely vivid memory of him before your very eyes.

but when you see it's him, your eyes flood with tears and he immediately feels his heart drop. he can't help the way he smiles softly at you, bringing his hand to your face to wipe at the wetness trickling down your cheek.

"hey, baby."

the next morning, you wake up and nearly scream when you feel someone's arms wrapped around your stomach. your head’s pounding and your mouth is so disgustingly dry but it's nothing compared to the terror you feel at the prospect that a complete stranger is-

"you up?"

that deep morning voice is one you've missed so much, feeling your eyes widen and heart quicken when you turn around. and then you're met with the sight of yeosang laying right beside you, his long waves sprawled out on the pillow as he smiles so softly at you, you immediately feel your heart lift.

memories of last night immediately flood back, him taking you back to your house and sitting you down on your bed. tucking you in and wiping off your makeup before you outstretched your head and asked him if he could stay. giggling when his smile lit up his face and he tackled you in a hug before peppering kisses over your face and neck.

"yeah," you smile at him. "but my head really hurts." he frowns upon hearing that, even though he absolutely knew you were gonna be hungover today. he pats his chest and you place your head there immediately, cuddling into him and sighing contently against his chest. he wraps his arm around you and immediately brings his hand to your temple, massaging gently as he kisses the side of your head.

"i missed you," you mumble against his chest. and you almost forgot that you guys weren't separated because of his schedule. that you guys were supposed to be broken up and forbidden from seeing each other.

but everything still feels just like before. warm and happy and perfect, like you two are meant to be together despite everything and everyone saying you can't be.

"you don't even know how miserable i've been," yeosang mumbles against your head. you pout at that, stretching your head up to place a peck on his cheek.

"i think i have a good idea," you say, your tone laced with amusement. "i cried and drank until i puked last night." the deep chuckle that leaves his mouth causes a smile to light up your face, watching him scrunch his nose playfully as he looks down at you.

"i can tell," he says, his finger bouncing off your slightly chapped lips. you let out a horrified gasp and try to roll away from him but he's quick to catch you around the waist, tightening his arms around your waist before burying his face in your neck.

"no," he whines, his words tickling the back of your neck and causing you to giggle. you lay against him and immediately still in his hold, closing your eyes because you know this moment isn't gonna last forever; it'd been a miracle in the first place he stayed over last night.

so for what feels like hours, you two just lay there. his arms around you and your leg thrown around him, his light kisses pecking your face and you poking at his sides until you're the one to address the elephant in the room.

"what are we gonna do?"

because it's obvious to the both of you in this moment you can't go on the way you were. he's not gonna walk out of here without a plan to stay together and you're not ever gonna smile again if you both don't just try.

"i don't know...but we'll think of something, okay?" he hums against your head. he reaches out and caresses your cheek gently, his heart softening when you lean into his touch. "i'm sorry i had to do that."

but you shake your head immediately, taking his hand off your face and intertwining your fingers. because even through your heartbreak and anger, you had considered that maybe he was making the right decision. that if he had to choose between doing what he loved and you, you were supportive of that decision.

you know how hard he's worked and how much he loves it, the music and the fans and the experience with his seven friends. you also couldn't help but think what if, somewhere down the road, he resented you. blamed you for his dream being tarnished and things coming to an abrupt end.

"i get why you did," you say softly. "and if you think that's the right thing, then maybe we can just stay frie-”

no," he says firmly and your lips fall into a frown. "you didn't even hear what i was gonna say."

"if it's gonna be some bullshit about staying friends so i don't resent you, then save it," he says, bringing his face down to yours and placing a kiss on your lips. "because that would never happen. we're gonna be fine, baby, you’re not going anywhere.”

you can't help the way your lips fall into a pout, pressing your lips to his again and smiling against them when he kisses back. "i could also never do this if i was your friend," he mumbles against your mouth, his lips trailing further down your neck as giggles and shrieks leave your mouth.

but he's not ignorant of the way his phone has been vibrating all morning, terrified for the repercussions he's gonna get from hongjoong and the other members. but they also can't say anything, today was their free day and he wasn't missing any obligations.

"it's not about that, you fucking asshole," hongjoong growls when yeosang's standing in front of him later that day. "you never came home and we didn't know where you were. we were scared out of your minds."

"i was with y/n," he mumbles quietly and wooyoung's quick to say he told them so, a cocky large smile on his face. but hongjoong doesn't even care or reprimand the boy, stepping forward and pushing yeosang back roughly.

"don't pull that shit again, do you hear me?"

and yeosang has learned to pick his battles with the boy in front of him; because while he's tiny and sweet, there's a power and ferocity behind his eyes sometimes that would scare the shit out of anyone.

"yes," he says lowly. "i'm sorry. i meant to text someone and just...forgot." forgot because he finally had you again and didn't wanna waste a second of it.

"little asshole," hongjoong mumbles and the boys, sensing the lessening tensions, all run over and cling to yeosang. they tell them how worried they were and how sorry they are that they didn't fight for you two, that they made him feel like they didn't care and watched him wallow in misery for the longest month of their lives.

"don't be sorry, i was kind of a dick too," yeosang says honestly. "it even felt selfish but i just so badly want to be with-"

"it's not selfish," hongjoong's quick to defend. "you deserve to be with someone you love." wooyoung and yunho squeal at their leader's sweet words, cuddled into one another like two little girls watching their first ever romantic drama.

"idiots," hongjoong mumbles though the smirk pulling at his lips shows his amusement. "so are you guys back together?" yeosang purses his lips to the side, roaming the boy's eyes that are looking down at him with no judgement. they're clear and curious and waiting, like he's been concocting a plan of his own for the past month.

and when yeosang mumbles the softest "yeah," hongjoong's quick to nod his head approvingly.

"good," is all he says. and he almost laughs at the bewildered look his friend throws him, his eyes wide and brows raised as he stares at him.

"good?"

"yeah," he smirks, "good." because he didn't wrack his brain for a full month, in between making songs and practicing and shooting videos, just for his speech for the company to go to waste.

but it definitely doesn't. because within the next three days, hongjoong knocks on the door to yeosang's room and smiles at the boy texting on his phone. 

"hey," he says softly, going over to plop down on the boy's bed.

"hey, where were you?"

yeosang almost doesn't believe his ears when he hears hongjoong's words. that he went to talk to the company and promised them you two would be careful, that he personally would take any blame for the problems and that you and him shouldn't be punished for wanting to be together.

"i told them it wasn't worth it losing you over," hongjoong says and the younger boy's eyebrows pull together immediately.

"i never would've left," yeosang is quick to say. because he wouldn't, he loved you and them and was gonna be adamant about finding a way to keep both this time.

but hongjoong can only smirk at the boy, ruffling the boy's long hair as he gives him a knowing look. "well i knew that but they didn't. it seemed to do the trick."

a bright smile lights up yeosang's face as his heart quickens in excitement, the leader in front of him proving once again he's always gonna have their best interests at heart.

"thank you," yeosang says, choked up with emotion that has hongjoong shaking his head.

"i did this so i never have to see you cry again you pussy," he says with a smirk, chuckling when yeosang punches him in the arm. "now call y/n over, we're off today."

and that last thing you expected today was to get a call from yeosang telling you to come over. because you knew he was gonna try to find a way and you believed him but you didn't expect to be greeted the way that you were.

a group of towering, excited boys running over to you and tackling you into a group hug. there softly spoken apologies and whining pleads to forgive them. yeosang eventually pried them all off of you, taking you into his arms and pressing a kiss to your cheek. you meet hongjoong's gaze and immediately stiffen, curling yourself into yeosang's hold in fear that the boy was about to go off on you the way he always did.

but then he only smiles and waves at you, his softly spoken "happy you're back, y/n," causing your eyes to widen. 

you look at yeosang in confusion and he only shakes his head, placing another kiss on your head before the boys drag you over to the couch. you spend the rest of the rainy day laid out on yeosang's chest, giggling at just how scared mingi and san are watching these cheesy movies and the absurd amount of food you guys had ordered today.

yeosang watches you giggle with a soft fondness in his eyes, pressing a kiss to your cheek until he can't take it anymore and brings you into his room.

you fall asleep that night with his arms around your waist, his quiet mumbles of "i love you," the last thing you hear. it's the best sleep you both had gotten in over a month, wrapped in each other's arms with small smiles on your face.

you wake up in a similar fashion, his hand running through your hair until his deep morning voice mumbles "hey, baby," causes your eyes to pop open. and at first you think this is just a dream, that your sad heartbroken brain is just hearing his voice in your head and about to make you even more sad today.

he sees the confusion in your eyes, like you're trying to figure out if this is real or just another sad dream like the ones he had when you guys were apart. so his hands move to cup your cheeks and he's smirks down at you, his thumb rubbing smoothly over your cheeks. "i'm here, pretty girl," he mumbles softly despite the amusement in his tone. "did you forget?"

and then you know that this has to be real. 

because your own brain would've never thought to call you pretty after just waking up, your hair a mess and cheeks red with the possibility of dried drool on your mouth. it's what brings a smile to your face, lighting it up before you tighten your arms around him and hide your face into his chest with a quiet hum of contentment.

he chuckles against your head, allowing his lips to linger as he tightens his hold around you and promises to never leave you again.

[veiledsilver]

Top five moments you've felt like the universe was messing with you.

Oh boy everyone get ready this is a long list. In descending order, from mildly funny looking back on it to "oh god oh shit oh fuck":

5. Catfishing: College Edition

In 6th grade, I decided to apply to colleges early to see how they were like. I was scared that if they knew I was too young, they'd arrest me. So I created a gmail account as my persona, a white 12th grader named Emilie Alexander. Emilie was planning to go into nursing, dating a high school linebacker named Kyle Kenderson, and deathly allergic to bee stings. If she even came near a bee, she would die.

This part was of the utmost importance.

See, I was constantly paranoid that one day, the jig would be up- I might forget that my fake last name was Alexander. Or the college dean might come knocking at my door and tear up my home in his mad search for Emilie. If that happened I would fake her tragic death, presumably caused by one big fucking bee.

I secretly collected my information. What nearby states were the prettiest to visit. Which colleges were the safest and most affordable. How often they held courses that I liked. In my emails with colleges I tried to sound as mature and professional as possible.

Then, one day, a college member asked me what high school I was in, so they could check my records.

My blood froze.

It was time to bring out the bee.

In response to their question, I sent an email that was like this:

"Dear Mr. McLaughlin, I was a proud graduate of- ugh! Ah! Kyaaaa! Uwaa! W-w-what's this... huge goddamn bee doing here?! Eek, pardon my foul language! It's just that, as I told you earlier, being stung by a bee would kill me.... and now it's stung me thrice (three times)!!

What do I do?! I can't die... I've always wanted to attend your beautiful college...

But this is... the end...

Mr. McLaughlin...

*looks at you sadly*

Tell... my mother... I loved her...

*dies*"

He never responded, probably because he was rendered speechless, but I never touched that account again.

My private gmail for fun stuff like tumblr still has "Alexander" as a surname, though.

4. Wild and Authentic

Alright. Alright. So. My art teacher in middle school.

Right off the bat, they endeared themselves to the tumblr art kids- they proudly used they/them pronouns, dyed their hair vibrant colors, deeply encouraged OC creation, and was chill with any art style even if it was anime. Mx. Mason was very cool, except for one thing.

We had complete artistic freedom when it came to their assignments, EXCEPT FOR ONE THING.

Drumroll, please.

Take a deep breath if you must.

Ready?

...

Cats had to have extremely distinct whisker pores.

YES, they believed that modern depictions of cats were too streamlined. Too... idealized. As a cat owner themselves, they were convinced that society's vision of cats did not do their feral feline ancestors justice. In making their faces flawlessly smooth-furred, we were stripping the cat of its true nature.

I found this out the hard way, when I was drawing warrior cats fanart for class (it was of Firestar cuddled in the arms of an orange haired anime catgirl who was his reincarnation in my first ever comic series, Warriors Neko Desu! ♡ Heart Academy Dokidoki).

Mx. Mason came over to look at my magnum opus, and I expected them to have their socks knocked off at my artistic talent. They lifted up my drawing for all to see, and I smugly leaned back in my seat.

Only for them to launch into a passionate lecture about how, in neglecting to draw whisker pores on cats, I was DENYING THIS FICTIONAL CAT OF ITS WILD AUTHENTIC SELF.

My friends absolutely lost it when I told them this story, and there was a period of time when all our discord nicknames were wild and authentic too.

As for Firestar and his counterpart Hoshineko Orenji-chan, I never did give them wild authentic whisker holes, but that's to be expected of a kittypet, I guess.

3. Stan Jungkook Or Whatever

A couple years ago, my family and I flew to Seoul, South Korea, to visit our relatives and teach me more about my heritage. It was very nice! I got to visit shrines and festivals and palaces, and I was in awe that this was what my ancestors had once seen in their daily lives.

Then, when we went to the modern side of Korea, I realized just how much I didn't fit in.

It was clear that I didn't know how to act, or how to speak Korean, and I spent my days fumbling around and getting scammed multiple times by salesmen. But I clowned myself the most... during an interactive event with kpop stars.

They had this experimental event where holograms of the boys would sing onstage and dance in place of the actual idols. Before the show began, girls could stand in booths that scanned their appearances, and holograms of THEM could dance onstage with the hologram boys.

I didn't know this.

When Cousin Ae-cha told me to step inside one of the machines, I thought I'd be hilarious and stand backwards, so it would scan the back of me instead of my front. As I walked out, I saw other girls putting on their best makeup, cutest clothes, and most expensive accessories, and I slowly realized that I was in danger.

But the danger didn't come until halfway through the concert, where the boys looked eagerly off-stage and a holy staircase appeared and all the hologram girls descended from heaven. There were cherry blossoms. There were roses. There was me, among the crowd of beautiful airbrushed girls, walking backwards.

I felt the judgemental gazes of twenty girls and their mothers.

Each boy danced with a girl, who got a cute animated moment with special effects, and sang about how they found a dream girl to have a true love romance with. Finally, all the girls vanished except one, and it was me.

One of the boys didn't dance with any girls, and now he was all alone in the rain, feeling dejected that HE did not find his true love girl to have a dream romance with. Then the rain stopped, the sun came out, and I emerged. Still backwards.

He was thrilled and sang about how my face (that he didn't see) stole his heart, and now everyone in the audience was giggling, and he slowly brought me very close to kiss me... but because I was backwards, his nose was cutely nuzzling my hair.

The audience members- at least the adults- were now laughing their asses off. His lips met the back of my head, and together we vanished into the wind.

I'd say I couldn't show my face there ever again, but I never did show my face, so... hm...

2. Horrid Little Temptress

If I wasn't a minor, I'd need a drink before starting this story. Sadly, I cannot drown my sorrows- and neither should you after you hear this, because it's only fair.

Mrs. Appleby was my Spanish teacher in like, 9th grade. Even the wild and authentic art teacher thought she was insane. Appleby forced kids to brew tea for her and yelled at them when they didn't get it right, and I thought she had a chronic squint until I realised she just did that to mock me and my Asian eye-folds. She forced us to watch Dora the Explorer to "absorb knowledge." Everyone fucking hated Mrs. Appleby.

But the worst thing she ever did... was during the school festival.

See, whenever she's angry, she zooms right into kids' faces to scream at them. Her wrinkled flesh would blot out the goddamn sun and all you see are her bloodshot yellow eyeballs so victims just stayed rooted to the spot like cornered animals or something similar. This is important.

Because when she was sampling her own brownies (read: hoarding them so no one else could eat them), one parent foolishly decided to grab one and she thought it was a student and she grabbed his wrist so hard she could've nearly snapped it and... and... zoomed into his face.

Except she underestimated his height and kissed him by accident, but it was more like her mouth was sucking in his face like a vacuum.

His wife was shrieking like an ape. His kid, my classmate, saw his social life flash before his eyes.

In her defense, she did not mouth to mouth with him on purpose and afterwards she cried in the bathroom and when I foolishly followed her in to comfort her, because I am a teacher's pet through and through, she snatched the paper towels I got for her and wailed that she was a-

A-

HORRID LITTLE TEMPTRESS.

If I had decided to not be kind, I never would've heard that string of fucking words. But I did. And I paid for it dearly. The end.

1. Violence IS The Answer, Sometimes

Thomas, my dearly detested.

Back in sixth grade, I used to have a crush on him because he had the surfer boy look with nicely tanned skin and pale blond hair and the clearest aquamarine eyes I've ever seen. He also liked surfing and swimming. He seemed like the perfect little trophy waifu except for one absolute dealbreaker.

He and his parents were extremely conservative and so, when I told him I liked him, his response was basically "haha no you're a [slur] and would probably eat my dog."

I was horrified and ran away to cry. But then, by the next day, I decided I needed to punish him. Thomas walked in before class started and I was waiting for him with these hands. I kicked him so he doubled over, slammed his face into his chair's seat, and quickly clambered on top of him to SIT ON THE BACK OF HIS HEAD. He started shaking and twitching and trying to pry me off, but eventually he went limp and stopped moving.

I thought he fell asleep, but Mohammed, another classmate who was bullied by Thomas, told me that Thomas might never wake up again (not that he was very sad about this. I didn't know until later, but Thomas said slurs at him too).

While I was sitting on the guy, he'd straight up passed out from the lack of oxygen.

Screaming and crying, I told our homeroom teacher that Thomas suddenly fainted, and she was the type of Caucasian that thought all little Asian kids were sweet and innocent, so it didn't even cross her mind that? It might've been me? Who sat on his head when she walked in?

He was sent home early that day. I had to go to a different school next year because Thomas's mom threatened legal action. The only reason I didn't get punished further was because my rich cousins out-Karen'd her and donated a huge amount of money to the school to keep them quiet.

Anyway, I never did anything that insane ever again, because something like that is enough for a lifetime. My cousins made it clear they would never back me up again. I was sure this whole event would be put behind me, too.

But last fall, during my first day of online learning... who did I see in my zoom meeting... BUT THOMAS! I had my mic and camera off, but the moment he saw my name, his face went pale. His soul would've left his body, but then it would've gone to hell, so it wisely decided to stay inside.

Still, out of shame and embarrassment, I never turned my camera on for the rest of the school year.