#the difference this time was the almost complete lack of gender dysphoria

[considerad]

I went clothes shopping today and it wasn't awful :) a full set of new clothes (from a shop, not hand-sewn) for the first time in 4 years! The luxury of a beanie which isn't deformed and about to unravel! A pleated-front shirt I could interview in! My shitty skin lighting up into olive in all the soft warm shades I tried on in the flattering light of the changing room!

[berylcups]

hey. idk if your ask are still open or close, but i’ve been perusing ur account and i love the way you write jjba characters! and is it okay to you to write a headcanon for the vento aureo men, the bucci gang first with a japanese s/o and and also seeing them wearing a kimono with delicate kanzashi’s complimenting their hair. it’s okay if you don’t want to write this, simply delete it if you dont 🩷

Hello~! As long as my ask box is available it’s open! And thank you so much-I try my hardest! 🥰 I did this more as a fem-ish reader in mind because I didn’t see anything about masculine kanzashi according to my research…BUT this can be enjoyed by all genders!

Bucci Gang x Japanese!Reader & also wears a kimono and kanzashi

CW: gendered language, mostly some Japanese terms (Kanojo and I think Chan? I think Chan is almost exclusively used for feminine people?)

Notes: Regardless of the terminology and my lack of knowledge of Japanese language I hope all genders can enjoy! If feminine gendered language causes dysphoria please skip this ask and I’ll see you in the next one! Your mental health is more important! 💜 Beryl

Giorno

He was a little hesitant to be honest. The only Japanese person he ever really knew was his “mother” if you could call her that. But he couldn’t help but be enchanted by your beauty. Maybe you could be the one to help him get back intune with his Asian side and find pride in it!

He still knows his mother tongue so he enjoys having a secret language to speak with you that you two can only understand. (And he can tease Abbacchio in front of his face without him knowing 😉). He will proudly call you his “kanojo”(girlfriend)

Seeing you in your beautiful kimono and kanzashi makes his heart skip a beat. There are no flowery words that come to him that can describe how beautiful you look. He’d use Golden Experience to surround you in countless amounts of flowers and get as many pictures of you as possible. He’d want to get his own traditional clothing so you two could take pictures together!

Bucciarati

This lovely gentleman would do a lot of research before approaching you. He would learn a few phrases and try to find a few romantic phrases to say. Unfortunately Japanese doesn’t have as many lovey dovey phrases and terms like Italian does. So you're just going to hear “Daisuki, Y/N” a million times.He has a fondness for theatre and folktales from his childhood that his mother would put him to sleep with. He’s interested in learning about Japanese theatre and Folktales.

His heart completely melts when he sees you in your kimono and kanzashi. He’s going to take so many pictures! He’s going to look into getting a male kimono (montsuki??? I keep getting different names for it 😅) so you two can get photos together. He’s secretly already planning your wedding 🩷 he definitely wants it Japanese style and wants his and all of your family in it!

“You are absolutely breathtaking amore. I have no words to describe your beauty.”

Abbacchio

He doesn’t really pay any mind that you have a different ethnicity. But he really does enjoy and care about learning about you and your culture. He’s really interested in the music that you listen to. He often asks questions about what the lyrics are and what the significance are behind them. He loves classical/traditional Japanese music. It really soothes his anxiety. He also loves Jrock and the visual elements of it. He gets some fashion inspiration from it as well. Abbacchios favorite thing to do with you is to share an earbud with you and relax together listening to whatever you like.

He is speechless seeing you with your Kimono and matching kanzashi. Despite his full coverage foundation, you can see his blush through the makeup. 🥰 He burns the time and date into the deep recesses of his mind so he can have Moody Blues replay your beautiful display. He doesn’t know what a lowlife like him did to deserve someone as fantastic as you but his outlook on life is looking a little bit brighter. 🖤

Mista

He’s excited that he has a pretty s/o in his arms! He honestly doesn’t care what kind of s/o you are just that he has one! But because you’re from a different culture he’s going to barrage you with a million questions…mostly about food! Stupid questions but bear with him.

“ Why are eggs okay to eat raw over there but it’s not okay to eat them raw here? Does eat sashimi REALLY taste better than eating fish cooked? So…what’s all the hype about natto? Not gonna lie baby girl, that stuff looks threatening! I’ll try it if you want me to but that’s probably the last thing I’m thinking about for breakfast! So red beans are eaten in sweets? Aren’t you worried about those little guys giving you gas???”

Feel free to hit him at any time 😅

Show him some of your favorite Japanese dishes and treat him to a big meal! (Don’t forget to make enough for the Sex Pistols too!) He will fall in love with you all over again and again with each bite. 🥰 Don’t ask him whether he likes rice or pasta more. The poor guy will blue screen and the Sex Pistols will argue amongst each other that rice, udon, or spaghetti is better. 😅 Don’t tell them that rice noodles exist, their poor little brains can’t handle that.

He’s practically bawling his eyes out when he sees you in your kimono and kanzashi.

“Oh my gosh baby—-*disgusting sniff* YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL! Bella ragazza! 👌 💋😭” he cannot contain himself. Yes he’s still in his raggy clothes but he wants so many selfies with you!

“Y/N-chan is so kawai—!”yells one bullet. “You mean kawaii dumbass!” The aggressive one punched. “I don’t know what that means but you’re lookin good Y/N!” Yells another bullet.

Do you want some extra kanzashi with the Sex Pistols decorating your hair??? If not, just at least one photo with them to calm the little buggers down! 😛

Narancia

“OMG DO YOU KNOW ABOUT <insert Japan exclusive video game here>?! YOU GOTTA TELL ME ALL ABOUT IT-“

I hope you are an otaku or at the very least a video game fan because he’s a huge fan boy! 😂 His interests are all over the place but his intentions are pure. He wants to know about you and your culture. 🧡 Educate him about the many youkai, yurei, and oni he encounters in his video games or his favorite animes. It will make him feel even closer to you and more understanding of Japan and their rich folklore. He’ll try his best to learn some Japanese. But…due to his learning disability he’s going to have some difficulties. But because he’s interested he’s going to have an easier time with your lessons than dealing with the strict Fugo 🥲

Seeing you in your kimono and kanzashi is going to make him go tomato red! He had never seen anyone so beautiful before.

“Wow… you look even more beautiful than <anime character>. C-Can I hold you ???” He’s going to treat you like a porcelain doll. This guys turning a new leaf because of you! He’s going to try (keyword: TRY) to be a more responsible and mature man in order to impress you. He wants to never let you go! That is one big decision that he is 100 absolutely certain on!

Fugo

This poor guy is a nervous wreck! He’s trying so hard to impress you and not to offend you ! 😅 He researched so much about Japanese etiquette, table manners, and basic conversation.

“Moshi Moshi—oh shit I’m not on the phone! I-uh -I mean Ohayo Y/N-chan! Wait, that’s way too forward! I’m so sorry- I mean Y/N-san!”

He’s babbling. Someone help this poor baby 🥲 let him know he doesn’t have to try so hard and just be himself!

When he sees you in your kimono and kanzashi he is internally screaming. He thinks you're so beautiful!

“ I really like the plum blossom pattern on your kimono. It really goes well with your obi. I also love that your kanzashi matches your kimono.”

He really studied all the components of the kimono. He deserves some brownie points for that! (Or mochi points if we’re going to be traditional? Black sesame filled mochi yum)

[loveerran]

I recently posted about trans couples who have children (and talked about how puberty blockers are safe). I have had 3 personal conversations with parents or relatives of trans kids in the last few months. They’re worried about the impact of life-long medical decisions they are making with doctors and their children - and that is understandable. One Mom said to me “It was easy to be supportive before, but now it’s me and my kid and it feels very different”.

Here are some things I would like to tell the parents of trans kids (purely my opinion and specifically on the trans-feminine side):

Social transitions are relatively free and easy to implement. If my AMAB child were transitioning, I would want them to walk a mile in those heels (or more) and see how she feels about every day life as a woman. The gender non-conforming umbrella is wide. Not everyone will want a full-time/complete binary transition. I have a genderfluid friend who likes spending time in both worlds and identifies as a crossdresser. She is a real and valid person. Detransition is also real and there should always be a way for the child to reverse course if this isn't for them. And in my opinion, the child needs to know that specifically. I might ask my child “If we moved far away to a place where folks didn’t know you, would you want to continue presenting this way or go back?”

I have spent significant amounts of time studying the subject, and believe puberty blockers are very safe. Leuprorelin has been administered to tens of thousands of kids (and even more adults), worldwide, for decades. No long-term cases of sterility/infertility have ever been recorded. Concerns about negative side effects or lack of natal pubertal transition tend to be hypothetical. I believe those potential negative consequences should be explored and puberty blockers should not be restricted until/when negative consequences are identified. We prescribe many medications, readily, with far more significant, and proven, negative side effects. As just one example, many anti-depressants have significant side effects and carry a 'black box' FDA warning. But we understand that some risk is acceptable in treating important underlying conditions with these drugs. Also, if your child stops taking puberty blockers, then no one will be able to tell they were ever on them in a few years.

The effects of ‘cross-sex’ hrt (hormone replacement therapy) are generally reversible, particularly for trans girls. A former trans girl who stops hrt will develop a masculine voice and primary/secondary sex characteristics just like any cis male. Trans men who went through female puberty and then transition are noted for passing and no one ever realizing. The same is far more true of AMAB individuals who identified as trans women and then detransitioned.

Gender confirmation surgery (aka: Sex reassignment surgery) is permanent and final, but that won’t be your decision to make or even participate in except as a counselor and friend, because your child will be a legal adult at that point.

I want to emphasize that detransitioning is real, and the pain of people who have detransitioned is real. Some people start down this path and realize it isn’t for them. I want to support those individuals with a way out that doesn't also close the doors for those for whom transition is the best course of action. Fortunately, most everything up until final surgeries is largely reversible.

Medical intervention for gender dysphoria can be a very good and important thing in a trans kid’s life. Not all the decisions will be yours to make as a parent. Many will be made with your child and the input of competent medical professionals.

And one other thing for parents of trans kids who read this blog: It will almost certainly work out. Your love and support will mean the world to your children.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Lisa Selin Davis and LGB Courage Coalition

Published: Apr 25, 2024

“Every major medical association supports gender-affirming care.” You’ve likely heard this talking point from activist organizations defending gender medicine for children and adolescents: puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and sometimes surgery to treat gender dysphoria.

I don’t deny that American medical associations—advocacy groups that support clinicians—take this position. But I do argue that the position is not rooted in science or reality, and that it can harm the very patients it purports to help—especially gender nonconforming and gay and lesbian young people. 

Now, a nearly 400-page report, commissioned by England’s National Health Service, backs these assertions up. 

The Cass Review, which took four years to complete, comes in response to complaints about the only public youth gender clinic in England and Wales, Gender Identity Development Service, or GIDS, which was shut down last year—that they were fast-tracking kids into irreversible medical interventions, and that the culture of fear prevented concerned clinicians from speaking up. Cass and her team needed to understand the current landscape to come up with a plan to fix it. So they listened to trans people, detransitioners, therapists who feel pressure to affirm, doctors who passionately support these treatments, and many others with differing opinions. They also commissioned systematic reviews of the evidence about both psychological and medical interventions.

Here’s just some of what they found: 

• No one had followed up with the 9,000 children who’d gone through the service—and, shockingly, the adult gender clinic would not share the data about how they fared later. 

• There was no clinical consensus about how to treat them. “Clinicians who have spent many years working in gender clinics have drawn very different conclusions from their clinical experience about the best way to support young people with gender-related distress,” Cass wrote.

• The evidence to support medical transition for youth was “remarkably weak.” “The reality is that we have no good evidence on the long-term outcomes of interventions to manage gender-related distress,” Cass admitted. That includes the evidence around the use of puberty blockers, which the NHS has now largely banned, and their effects on bone health, brain development, and fertility.

• Of great importance is what some of that stronger evidence showed: a correlation between child-onset gender dysphoria and later homosexuality. “The majority of these children [in the studies] became same-sex attracted, cisgender adults,” Cass writes. In the one Dutch study upon which all gender medicine is based, 89 percent of the young people who transitioned “were same-sex attracted to their birth-registered sex, with most of the rest being bisexual. Only one patient was exclusively heterosexual.” 

Some parents had told Cass that their children had “been through a period of trans identification before recognising that they were cisgender same-sex attracted. Similar narratives were heard from cisgender adults.” Among the studies cited in the Review is one of almost 3,000 adolescents, whose high amount of “gender non-contentedness” in early adolescence had declined by early adulthood—but that non-contentedness “was also more often associated with same-sex attraction.” 

LGBT Courage Coalition co-founders Jamie Reed and Aaron Kimberly both experienced gender dysphoria as girls and adolescents. Both grew up to be same-sex attracted. Aaron went on to transition as an adult; Jamie went on to marry a trans man. My child is as gender nonconforming as Jamie and Aaron were—but no one can predict her future based on that. And perhaps her lack of gender dysphoria is related to growing up in a time and place and family in which that gender nonconformity is completely accepted, without anyone trying to make meaning from it.

Of great import to me as a parent is that most kids in the original cohort studied in the Netherlands were likely gay. But the medicines they received were the same as those once given to gay adults to punish them or cure them of their sexual proclivities. Somehow, these treatments are touted as being safe and effective for “LGBTQ+ kids,” but the reality is that they can sterilize and remove sexual function from same-sex attracted people—something they’ve been fighting for decades to stop.

Instead of talking openly about these hugely important issues with youth gender medicine, those who advocate for it have insisted on “no debate.” But debate we must. Because today, many more kinds of kids seek these interventions. There has been an “exponential change in referrals over a particularly short five-year timeframe,” Cass reports, with girls quite suddenly making up the bulk of patients, instead of boys—a shift that cannot be explained by increasing social acceptance. Meanwhile, children and adolescents “are on a developmental trajectory that continues to their mid-20s”—that is, it’s hard to make grand decisions during this long period of growth and change.

The youth cohort sheltered beneath the umbrella of “trans” is actually a heterogeneous group, and the inconvenient truth is that no one knows the best way to help them thrive. No one knows who they will grow up to be or how they will identify in adulthood. Nor does anyone know the benefits or harms of social transition, in which children adopt the gender identity that doesn’t correspond with their sex. “However, those who had socially transitioned at an earlier age and/or prior to being seen in clinic were more likely to proceed to a medical pathway,” Cass notes. That is, it is not a neutral intervention, but rather an active one that seems to increase the likelihood of medicalizing later. 

Cass states clearly that “For the majority of young people, a medical pathway may not be the best way” to achieve self-actualization. She supports expanding psychological support for those young people, and strict and standardized evaluations, in line with what several other European countries are doing. She demands long-term follow-up not only of anyone who will transition in the future, but of those who already have.

The World Professional Association for Transgender Health, an advocacy and activist organization that appointed itself the generator of “standards of care”—and which England and other European countries are increasingly rejecting—directed people toward an opinion piece called “The Cass Review: Cis-supremacy in the UK’s approach to healthcare for trans children.” In other words, they dismiss the whole thing as bigotry. But Cass dismissed their own standards of care as lacking “developmental rigor.”

The NHS thanked Cass for her work and suggested that it may have international influence. I hope so, too. The report makes clear that the American affirmative model was a departure from a more cautious approach, and that even the cautious approach was based on substandard evidence—that modifying secondary sex characteristics in adolescents, or transitioning children to live as the opposite (or neither) sex was never fully supported by any high-quality research and became more about social justice than evidence. But medicine, Cass reminds us, is in fact evidence based. The issue is “about what the healthcare approach should be, and how best to help the growing number of children” with gender distress. It is not about ideology.

We don’t have the same system in America. We don’t have the kind of centralized healthcare and state agencies to craft guidelines that all must follow. Here, we battle it out in the legislature, state by state, red against blue, based on moral worldviews more than evidence. So how will the Cass Review influence our toxic gender culture war? How will they affect the medical associations that craft guidelines and create policy statements?

I queried the American Academy of Pediatrics, which recently reaffirmed its commitment to the affirmative model; the American Psychiatric Association; and the American Psychological Association, which have pro-affirmation models statements of their own. Only the latter responded, and I spent over an hour talking to APA Senior Advisor, Psychology in the Public Interest, Clinton Anderson. He admitted to the low quality of evidence and said that there’s a fundamental tension between those who view transition as a social justice issue and those who advocate for a more cautious, evidence-based approach. Where does the APA land? “Our concern has been largely about a human rights issue, and the way this is treatment has become politicized in our system and used as a punishment against people for being different,” Anderson told me. “And that I think has to be seen as the biggest issue.”

I disagree. But I will say that Anderson listened to my points more than anyone at these institutions ever has. I urged him to take a closer look at the Cass Review, and to listen to those who’ve been hurt, not just those who feel they’ve been helped. Maybe, just maybe, he heard me. Maybe, just maybe, these associations hear the science-minded and nuanced words of the Cass Review.

[perplexingluciddreams]

being autistic and transgender/transsexual is a strange experience for me. i know that i have gender dysphoria, especially relating to my body, but because i have almost no sense of social gender roles (beyond the very basic black-and-white stereotypes that i have been taught about blue for boys and pink for girls, etc.) i don't really care too much about the way i am perceived.

i also don't have much of a sense of what it is that makes me a boy rather than a girl, i just know that it made me angry and upset to the point of many meltdowns to be called a girl. and i don't like being called "she", that upsets me. it just feels wrong.

my feelings about this are something i always wish to put into words better, but there don't seem to be any words that adequately describe the lack of feelings i have.

i grew up thinking i was a girl because that's what i was told. i didn't really have many feelings about gender until i started slightly understanding that there was even a difference there. and even then it was only the physical body parts that made me upset at first.

i think that my trauma and abuse growing up are what mainly make me feel horrible about being called a girl and "she". because i associate being called that with that period of time and it all feels tangled in my head. a new name and pronouns and everything makes me feel like i can be a different person now and get away from it (at least on the outside). it's still all there in my head but it feels like a completely different lifetime.

[avenin7]

I want to know more about your transmasc Revali in that one au 👀 blease and bdankyouu. 💖

gladly!

so it’s not much of an au in particular more like *vague gestures and rambles* BUT- I do really enjoy contemplating how different Link and Revali would feel about being transgender.

In my opinion I think Revali would fall more into the binary trans masculine realm. Very uncomfortable with his body and dysphoric as all hell. He hides being trans from the other champions. Coming from Rito village and their strict gender roles, playing a role in Hylian society that also has strict gender roles, he’d be insecure about his champion status being revoked. (nevermind that Urbosa and Mipha are both there. Nevermind that the Princess leads them). I think Revali really struggles internally with viewing himself as a woman. Fighting so hard to be spoken about masculinely but internally not doing the work to really see himself that way too. Constantly overcompensating with toxic masculinity and aggression (that tends to get blown off as him “just being a teenage boy”).

When Link finds out Revali’s MORTIFIED. Convinced that Link is going to blackmail him or spill his secret, he goes into fight or flight mode and becomes volatile with him. Link could honestly care less though.

[It feels important to note that at least in this universe I’m thinking of; trans people absolutely exist but they’re not really accommodated for the same as in our time. Surgery isn’t a thing and transphobia obviously exists; but most trans individuals are so focused on “passing” and on simply existing than about being ‘out & proud’. It’s not really loudly prevalent in peoples lives. Link has probably never known he’s interacted with a trans person. Same with most of the champions.]

So Link’s approach is more like, “oh ok. do I have to do anything? no? 👍” Which kind of blows Revali away. He’s experienced transphobia before. He’s also so scared of the champions not thinking he’s good enough so Link’s complete disregard and lack of care about the situation knocks him out of his fear mode and more just puts him into “????”

I like to imagine the two of them end up involved with one another. I have lots of thoughts and opinions on how they would navigate intimacy. (Revali more likely being less experienced due to dysphoria and Link due to his status. They fumbling). Because navigating wanting to be close and intimate with someone (not even always sexually) while dealing feeling like “if someone perceives me right now I’ll want to flay my skin off” isn’t easy haha

but yeah! Thank you for the ask! I like talking about how trans-ness exists for these characters! I would almost would enjoy doing a side by side of both of them and how their relationship with each other would look different because of their individual trans-ness. That would be fun!

[djnusagi]

I don’t know if I can accurately describe myself as “transgender”. I was assigned male at birth. I know for a fact that I desperately want to be a woman, primarily physically but also socially. I experience a discomfort with my own maleness that, accompanied with my desire to be a woman, I can only describe as gender dysphoria (or at least something similar). I have been undergoing feminizing hormone therapy for two years and have completed laser hair removal on my face. While HRT has done very little I am eternally grateful for what it has done. Despite all this I do not think I am transgender.

I have know trans women as friends, romantic partners, sexual partners, acquaintances, and coworkers. I have spent time around trans women in all these capacities. When I am around them I do not feel or think “they are like me, that is what I am, we are the same.” I think and feel “they are something different from myself, but I wish I was what they are”. I view them as women. Regardless of sexuality, passing, or presentation they register as women to me. I do not register myself in this way. I feel there is a distinct “womanhood” that they have that I lack. I have not socially transitioned in any capacity, because HRT has done so little for me that I still look indisputably male. Nobody would ever take me seriously as female. At best they would “entertain my delusions”.

I believe myself to be a cisgender male who experiences gender dysphoria, but is in some fundamental immutable way NOT a woman. Trans or otherwise. I also believe this may have something to do with the nonexistent effects of my HRT. The fact that I have seen almost no changes despite my levels being extremely good implies to me that I have some kind of androgen insensitivity, and I believe this is connected to my fundamental maleness. I am not trans but I wish I was.

[youthculture2b]

Social Media and identity struggle on teenagers' mental health

Pedro Torello

Teenagers' mental health is a growing issue in contemporary society and it is directly related to social media and identity struggle. Never has society paid attention to teenagers' psychological issues as it does today. Depression, self-harm and suicide are rising among adolescents, these issues have always existed but are rapidly increasing due to social media, identity problems, along with many others. Three decades ago, teenagers' problems came from drinking, drunken driving, teenage pregnancy and smoking. These have since fallen and been replaced by a new public health concern: soaring rates of mental health disorders. In this text I will explain how social media and identity issues can affect teenagers mental health. 

Social media creates an illusory environment for teenagers. This crisis is often attributed to social medias, as well as other problems like lack of exercise and sleep, wich all combined result in a cognitive implosion: anxiety, depression, compulsive behaviors, self-harm and even suicide. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, “In 2019, 13 percent of adolescents reported having a major depressive episode, a 60 percent increase from 2007”, many other data support the existence of these crises that require a lot of attention. On social media people select only their achievements, fun experiences and positive moments to share. Which means that these people are not necessarily feeling the same way they appear to in photos. Therefore, not only an idealized image is created for both men and women, but also a perfect life image, and both can’t truly be obtained, only through filters, photo editing, and curated photos. 

Social media has an important role in making teenagers feel confused and excluded. Never have teenagers been so disappointed because they don’t follow neither the ideal body image created nor the perfect life that others appear to have. As a result, this disappointment causes many psychological problems, leading to bigger and more dangerous issues. Eventually teenagers might feel left out or inferior if they are not partaking in similar activities or achieving the same level of success, resulting in FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and isolation. This phenomenon happens to almost every one that uses social media, creating a rather unhealthy environment.  

Teenagers experience a period of identity exploration as they seek to understand themselves that can affect their mental health. Some time ago the term teenager didn’t exist and the transition from child into adult was sudden, nowadays everyone is familiarized with the idea of a transition period lived by teenagers. Children are used to follow everything that their parents tell them to, but teenagers are different, they have much more autonomy and independence to start acting by themselves. During this period teenagers seek to understand who they are, their values and their place in the world. As a consequence, they might face an identity crisis, struggling to discover who they are and what their beliefs are. This uncertainty can lead to anxiety as they try to balance their self-image with society expectations and pressure.

Gender identity can influence teenagers mental health. Not much time ago the existence of other genders was completely denied by most cultures and religions, but nowadays it is becoming more and more accepted throughout the world and people are openly speaking about it, consequently teenagers are led to question their gender orientation. This is not a problem itself in most cases, nevertheless, in specific ones, it can transform into serious mental health issues. Gender dysphoria is defined as a feeling of distress or discomfort in individuals with gender identity confusion; these individuals might face many other challenges created by society, like bullying. 

Teenagers' mental health is related to social media and identity issues that teenagers experience. As presented, they go through a lot of things as they get older, and naturally, they might face some issues that can be intensified and turn into more serious problems. Therefore, it is important to be open-minded regarding these issues and provide support for teenagers who are facing problems and need attention. 

[naamahdarling]

I think probably for most folks it is super duper influenced by 1) gender stuff 2) history of body image and disordered behavior and 3) some sort of fuckery re: sexual roles and whether you are more dominant, and how you prefer expressing that dominance. So it's going to vary so much.

I'm AFAB, NB, bisexual, a bit kinky. I identified as a woman for a long time, was a switch (and still am, but rarely), and am now primarily a top and a service dom (? not sure how to express this) and (informally, not able to engage with the subculture) a pup handler when I have one.

And I have a very strong preference for trans and especially transmasc bodies, and an almost completely exclusive desire for fat bodies.

I have asked the same questions you are asking, picked over it. Same with the question of how to express my intense attraction to trans bodies.

For me, I have a history of disordered behavior around exercise and eating, and the sort of almost OCD approach to health that you see very intensely in orthorexics, which is what I 110% was. I still have major frustrations with my body centered around my own fatness, and how my body shape and my lack of income to dress how I want seriously restrict my ability to express my gender. I don't look how I want to look. It is not just ED type dysmorphia, but also a body image kind of dysphoria more akin to my trans-ness than to the ED stuff. I'm not physically the being I am inside. I am not even successful at being what I could be: physically strong, more comfortable being as dominant as my partner wants me to be.

What I like was different when I was younger and my circumstances were different, and I'll go into that if you really want to hear it, but mostly I'll just describe how I feel right now.

I'm fine with terms that seem like objective descriptors to me are mostly okay. Words like soft and squishy and round and so on are fine for the most part. I really like being told how my body makes the other person feel, both emotionally and physically. I really like hearing that my body or just me in general makes the person I am with feel comfortable and comforted and safe, because that validates both the part of me that wants to care for my partner (the way that you would care for and maintain a pet or a cherished possession) and the part of me that wants to take responsibility for and control of them, because it lets me know that they are comfortable giving me that, and that they enjoy it. I don't mind having stretch marks pointed out, oddly, but if someone were to point out my cellulite I would tell them to not do that again. I don't mind my stretch marks and I hate my cellulite. I have soft, fat little hands, and I know they are extremely cute rather than pretty, I appreciate that, I even think it's funny and make jokes at my own expense all the time, and outside of bed I absolutely don't mind partner doing the same. That's even okay in bed sometimes, but I would really prefer that they mentioned how skilled and clever they are. I wouldn't like being referred to with worshipful terms, or overly reverential terms, I'm not a god or goddess or a king or a queen, I'm not regal or majestic, I am a Sir, or a Ma'am sometimes, which is a more intimate role. I wouldn't mind being called lovely or beautiful, I would love to be called handsome if I could believe that I was, but I have a little baby face and I know it and I just don't strike myself that way or see how anybody else could say it.

No two words like huge or enormous or whatever, those feel intensely fetishizing as opposed to appreciative. I know other people feel differently, and I love and support them for it, but that sort of language reminds me of feederism and I am put off by that sort of thing even though I absolutely am not morally opposed or judgmental when it comes to other people. It's all good, but you can miss me personally.

I don't think it would fly if my partner told me they wanted to eat me up unless I was having a switch moment and being able to a lot submissive. Being told they wanted to eat me out or devour me or eat me for days or savor me would go over fine no matter how the interaction was going. Nobody says shit like drinking deep IRL I don't think, unless there is some truly delightful vampire role-playing going on, but in fiction to describe action it's just fine.

I absolutely despise it, uncategorically, from every angle, when an author says something like "a healthy pair of tits" unless it's part of some sort of medical or pet thing, and meant to be dehumanizing. Something about that just says middle-aged writer and failed shock comedian to me, I laugh and cringe every single time. If a character says or thinks that, I am desperately going to want to see that character get their comeuppance. And it would absolutely ruin any sexual desire I had for them.

If you use the term big jugs I'm absolutely revoking your citizenship to the planet Earth and will be shooting you into the sun at my next earliest convenience. I'm not normally this judgmental, but I'm sure you understand lol.

I don't feel comfortable with a lot of the terms that we might instinctively associate with femininity, especially softer femininity, or submissive femininity, they don't feel right. Terms like voluptuous or succulent or luscious don't make me feel good outside of my occasional departures out of Sir territory and into Ma'am, although I appreciate them as compliments, and definitely appreciate the kinds of bodies those words can be used to describe, and the kinds of people who would enjoy having those words used to describe them.

What would feel good but it isn't the truth, or I can't make sense of it: I wish to fuck I were physically strong like I used to be because I think that might be one of the single most validating things somebody could say about me.

As far as writing goes, if I was certain that the author was coming at it from a respectful point of view, I don't think I would object to much of anything provided it was accurate to the point of view of character and how they would think and speak. I think cheesy stupid euphemisms for fat are fine, but I do expect that to be convincingly a character thing, and would be gratified if they were gently and deftly poked fun at.

So much of this actually depends on that, and I will be completely honest, if I'm reading something heavily featuring marginalized bodies, I am 1,000% looking the author up on the internet and seeing if they give me the squick. Which is to say, I don't necessarily rely on the text to tell me whether or not this is fetishizing or okay, because it can be so fucking hard to tell, it can look so fucking similar. Especially in shorter works that feature a lot of action.

I'm going way over time with this, sorry it was so long, and if there's anything weird or funky about the wording, it's because I'm using speech to text. Thank you for reading! I think this is a wonderful question and it's a wonderful thing to explore, and I've been wrestling with it a lot myself lately.

as an equal opportunity admirer of a variety of body sizes im not sure what words to use for what fuckin rocks about fat people's bodies that wont make people feel weird. of course a lot of it is highly personal and its best to ask the specific person and follow their lead. but for the sake of collecting varied data, and for writing horny things more generally, fat people how do you feel about a sexual partner describing parts of you using terms like soft, grabbable, squishy, cuddly, round, luscious, chunky, thick. which words do you like, which ones do you not like. assume these terms are not being used as weird awkward euphemisms for fat, but coming from someone who is fat positive and within an already established sexual dynamic.

[teamnovanti]

Why Novanti is So Inactive, and Other News

Hey everyone! I’m not sure if you even remember this channel at this point, but Novanti is still around. In fact, I’m planning on releasing our first big video of 2023 in just one or two weeks from now! But, where were we?

Simply put, all of us have been quite busy with… quite a few things, school being one of them. And it gets tiring, too. I know you’ve heard this many times, so to cut to the chase, none of us in Team Novanti have had time to do stuff on the channel, as much as we’d like to. Nor is Novanti anywhere near the top of any of our priorities.

Watch the video below, or keep reading:

In the past, I tried to hold myself to a weekly upload schedule on Novanti. That was easier when my videos were mostly gameplay with not much scripted commentary, and whatever videos were scripted were much simpler than the average Novanti video nowadays. Unfortunately, due to the amount of research, planning, and editing that goes into today’s Novanti videos, I’m going to completely ditch the idea of an upload schedule for Novanti. Novanti is not the only channel I run anymore; in fact, I run two others, but I put much less effort into those than I do into Novanti, and honestly, I have a lot more fun just screwing around with my videos and sharing things I think are funny or that I just want to share. I try to run Novanti by the same ethos, but I think I’m just… artificially holding my standards too high for Novanti.

My last video made in Premiere Pro, which was my 1,000 subscriber special, was probably my best work of video editing I’ve done. But not only do I not even use Premiere Pro anymore, I don’t think doing this same style is… productive. Videos on serious and important topics don’t mesh well with the style I’ve built up doing videos on Geometry Dash. So, I’m going to start anew with how I edit Novanti videos, with a style that fits my new content better.

To be honest, recording my voice is the hardest part. For those of you who’ve seen my long-unlisted cancel culture video, my voiceover was… utterly terrible. Way too fast for many people to understand, not to mention me getting caught on a few words. Fun fact, that’s actually how I normally talk. In all honesty, it takes me quite some effort to talk slowly enough for everyone to understand me. It’s even harder when reading scripts. This is the biggest factor in why I rarely ever upload. Not because of how I edit, not because of creating the scripts, but creating a voice over of them. Mostly because of problems with how I speak that are almost entirely out of my control, and I’m not even beginning to talk about voice dysphoria, nor will I. That’ll be for a future video. All I’m going to say is, if I start to sound different in the future, know that it’s for the better, but don’t expect any changes to my voice for at least a few months.

Now, for some other updates. If you haven’t heard yet, we have a Tumblr now! teamnovanti.tumblr.com, it’s in the description. We’ll be posting channel updates to Tumblr, just as we will resume doing on Twitter, but Tumblr’s lack of a word count gives us another opportunity. We will be posting full video transcripts to Tumblr, so that our content can become more accessible to those who may have a hard time hearing us. Full captions will also be on our videos, as always. If you have any better suggestions as to where we should put our video transcripts, let us know.

As stated in the beginning, I’m hoping to upload my first big video of 2023 in just a week or two, that video being the Inclusive Language introduction video. I’m going to talk about gender-neutral language, pronouns, and more in it, and I plan on adding more videos to a potential series about inclusive language, though my actual plans may vary.

That’s all for now. See you soon, hopefully, and happy new year!

[miasfoxxden]

I tried to quit when you went to shit, when you proved to the world that you only cared about yourselves and not the people who needed you most. But here I am coming back for more like a god damn junkie. I kinda hate this, not gonna lie, but there's really nothing else like VRchat.

VRchat is a weird and amazing thing when you're queer. The aging 2019 Unity Engine LTS build it uses, although held together by duct tape and super glue, provides near infinite capabilities for self expression to those who have the time and patience to understand how to use it's SDK toolkit alongside other community tools like various Blender Plugins. It goes without saying, for those such as myself who have struggled with their own identity for a long time, this shit will crack eggs. And it shattered what remained of mine in the beginning of 2020. This is why this badly written and mismanaged clusterfuck of a Unity game holds a special place in my heart.

To make a very fucking long story short, I've been on VRchat since basically the beginning. My earliest memories of VRC were in late 2017, early 2018 where everything was far more raw, simple, and experimental. VRchat itself was a blank canvas, and on that canvas was a tight knit community that spawned an iconic culture all to its own. And yes, before anyone asks I do know de wae. But for those early years, mainly because of my lack of budget and stable income, I was tied down to just keyboard and mouse controls from a desktop PC. It's a sub ideal way to play VRC but you make do with what you have in that kind of situation and make the best of it. So when I had the means to get my own headset in the beginning of 2020, an Oculus Rift S, you can bet your ass the first thing I loaded into was VRchat.

Before we continue, I need to introduce the concept of phantom touch or phantom sense. Phantom touch is a term that was originally for amputees who could feel their missing limbs when given certain stimuli, typically some form of mirror therapy or sometimes via ones prosthetics. Phantom senses in VR are along the same lines. For all intents and purposes, your avatar in VR is the same as your body to your brain. Now, not everyone gets this, and those who do get it in varying amounts in just different ways. I'm admittedly on the more extreme end of this, as far as my brain gives a shit my avatar is my body and that ends up causing some interesting sensations. Most importantly, it pretty much drives my own choice of avatar since a lot of options out there just don't feel right. Yeah an avatar may be super cute or super funny but with that level of immersion for someone like myself it becomes very apparent that a lot of things will give full on dysphoria. This isn't really limited to anything either, I've noped off of cute looking avatars for a variety of reasons, sometimes even just small things like clothing, hair style, body proportions, height, etc. On the flip side of that, the right avatar can relieve a lot of dysphoria for someone like me who does experience gender dysphoria regularly in their day to day lives. So what were my options then?

Wade through a lot of public avatars until you find something anywhere between just right to perfect. The world of public avatars available is almost limitless, as games driven by user generated content tend to be so there's plenty of options.

Make your own avatar, either from scratch or a prefab base. This is again where the limitlessness of the engine comes into play, where the only limitation is your own technical abilities with Unity SDK, and tools like Blender or Maya.

I got lucky and took option one. I found one that felt just right, a Tda based red haired fox girl in a cute hoodie, crop top, and jeans, and only needed a few minor tweaks. While there was a bit of a language barrier, the creator of this avatar and I got something worked out and the image above is the result. This is me. This was when what remained of my egg, so to speak, was completely fucking shattered into oblivion. This was where I realized that "Nah yeah I'm not fucking cis," after years of going back and forth and being on the fence about my own sense of self. Ultimately, VRchat ended up a coping mechanism for my dysphoria. I was free. I was me. I ended up parting ways with the guy who made the model posted above for reasons I won't get into. I was never given the source files to update the model to SDK3 so where it is now is where it will be forever until SDK2 gets dropped entirely. So, in mid 2021 when I found a prefab base that was relatively well support and easy to work with on booth.pm called Imeris, I jumped on that. I re-made me.

Maybe to a bit of an extreme, but whatever. Bouncy squishy boobs on my chest makes girly gender euphoria go brrrr in a way I can't get over. But this is how I stayed for about a year without any major changes save for some new outfits every now and then.

In August, 2022, VRchat implemented EasyAntiCheat into the game. The reasoning for it is all over the place and while I have some insider information as to why it's not been stated publicly and I don't feel like getting sued into oblivion. But regardless of their reasoning, no matter how much public backlash they got, no matter how many members of the community who relied on third party client mods for accessibility for various disabilities and basic usability and quality of life functions not present in the base game, they pushed the patch out live anyways. They pushed out a patch knowing it broke compatibility with some Oculus headsets and software, this even was noted in the patch notes. They didn't care about us. That much was clear.

I swore off VRchat then and there, but the reality is the other options all sucked. NeosVR had NFT integration which is something I despise on principle. ChilloutVR, while promising, still lacks a lot of the functionality for their dev tools that makes a lot of my shit work. It was on par with early VRchat SDK1 and SDK2 tools, which compared to SDK3 with Udon were beyond archaic. I tried to give that some love, but it's so far from ready to take the place of VRchat that I couldn't switch over. Maybe some day, though, CVR will be in a position where it's a suitable place to call my home in the metaverse.

So after dealing with VRC being broken for months on my machine, I finally figured out a workaround. Turns out my main issue where VRchat was crashing to desktop was because of some sandboxing options I had enabled way back when I was still running Windows 10. Disabling these settings fixed the crashing to desktop, but Oculus overlay still crashes any time the virtual desktops are used. This, however and unfortunately, is a documented issue because of how EAC works, and there's no real fix for it. In any case though, I can be me again. And while unfortunately a lot of my friends have left VRC entirely post EAC update, there's still enough to justify sticking around.

At the time of writing this, I'm a month out from hopefully receiving hormone replacement treatment and beginning my transition proper. It's a bit overdue, admittedly, but I know some day soon I'll feel comfortable in my own shell. For now, this will continue to be my escapism from the dysphoria that's plagued me for years.

Stay floofy~ 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈❤️

[onebloodsoakedlion]

Where have I mocked trans people? I want people who suffer from dysphoria to recieve treatment that genuinely helps them as an individual, whether that is therapy or gender presentation changes. I just don't agree with people who believe that biological sex is actually changeable or that they "always were" the sex they want to be. I don't agree with changing laws to protect gender identity in place of biological sex. I don't agree that I and millions of other women "identify with the gender assigned at birth" to us just because we aren't dysphoric with our bodies.

Ugh, some context would be nice. I can't even remember what I said to you or when I said it to you. But here's what I can say to you right now:

Gender dysphoria is where the gender in your brain is different from the gender in your body. You're basically a woman trapped in a man's body or vice versa. Going by that, it is possible that someone "always was" the gender they wanted to be.

The solution to gender dysphoria is to fix the gender mismatch by either changing the brain's gender or the body's gender to match. It is near impossible to reprogram the brain, especially when you're older, to fit the body's gender and even if you tried, you risk causing damage because brains don't have File Explorers or Control Panels that you can use to change the gender. In fact, one could compare attempting to change the gender in someone's brain to match their biological gender to attempting to change someone's sexuality or trying to cure Autism. So only the body's gender can be changed to fix this mismatch. And even then, it's still risky and incomplete. We probably won't be seeing any medical procedures that fully change someone's gender until some time in the future. And I highly doubt that transphobic bigots are helping things along. But the point is, you can change biological sex this way, even if only partially right now. It's almost certainly safer than trying to change someone's gender identity.

As for therapy, I don't know what your idea of therapy is, but if it's therapy to help them "get over" their dysphoria, I cannot agree with that. Because again, it's probably like trying to convert homosexuals or cure Autism.

You should be agreeing with laws that protect gender identity instead of biological sex. Because the gender you are born as is not something you can control and there are genuinely people out there who are more comfortable to even identify as the opposite gender. There should be laws to protect them from discrimination and from people who tell them that they are the gender they were born as, even if they truly are not.

Also, you're right in that you don't identify with the gender assigned at birth just because of the lack of gender dysphoria. But gender dysphoria just makes you need to change your gender even more, because staying the way you are is causing you problems. Transmedicalism should also be reserved for the likes of gender reassignment surgery because right now it is so undeveloped and irreversible that you have to REALLY be sure that yes, this is the path you want to take and yes, you really need this. But anyone can identify as whatever gender they want because guess what? Identifying as a gender, in comparison, is easy, risk-free, reversible and complete with the exception of stigma and bigots interferring and saying that you are the gender you were born as.

What you're implying is basically mocking trans people just because science hasn't yet fully worked out how to properly change someone's gender or even reverse the changes. What you are saying is equivalent to telling someone who just got an organ transplant not to take anti-rejection drugs because it will lower the immune system at a time where organ transplants haven't been fully fleshed out and rejection is still very commonplace.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Andrew Amos

Published: May 11, 2024

Gender medicine is the field developed to manage patients distressed by their biological sex, a condition called gender dysphoria.

Gender identity is a theory, not a fact

The field of gender medicine is dominated by the gender affirming care model, which relies almost entirely on opinion, because of the lack of high quality evidence. Gender affirming care is based on the idea that every person has a gender identity that is independent of their biological sex. There is no widely accepted theory of gender identity, in fact most doctors don't have a clear idea of what it is, so gender affirming care recommends that doctors simply accept patients' report of their gender identity without question.

The only role for doctors in this model is to assess whether patients have the capacity to understand the nature of affirming interventions. If they do, the model says doctors must provide interventions whether or not they believe this will improve or worsen patients' health.

Gender affirming care reinforces non-traditional gender

The main impact of gender affirming care has been to prevent the investigation of the healthy and unhealthy causes of gender dysphoria. Because all major gender services follow this model, we still have very little idea of the different pathological processes that cause gender dysphoria, how long each of these persist without intervention, and the best treatments to reduce distress in each case. While it's been argued that investigating the psychopathology of gender dysphoria harms patients, we now know this is simply false.

In addition, while there's no systematic research on this, it's undeniably true that gender affirming care is ideally designed as a powerful form of behavioural shaping. Unconditional affirmation is likely to significantly increase the number of people who report a gender identity different from their biological sex. Gender services take confused and vulnerable children who're extremely dissatisfied with their social situations, encourages them to understand all their distress with reference to gender, and provides strong social rewards every time they report non-traditional gender experiences. In addition, the children know that they'll lose this unconditional support as soon as they stop reporting these experiences. It's difficult to imagine a system more likely to artificially increase reports of gender diversity.

Summary, and a point on suicide

In sum, then, the simple truth about gender medicine is that it's based on the theory of gender identity, which is not widely accepted, it's purposely avoided understanding the causes and best treatments of gender dysphoria, and the most likely effect of current gender services is to significantly increase the number of people subjected to life-altering, often life-long social, medical, and surgical treatments which have not been shown to improve health.

As a final point, the most damaging myth in gender medicine is that helping children to accept their biological sex is likely to result in suicide. This is completely untrue, and it's unethical for any clinician to claim otherwise.

[aropinions]

So What Is Exclusionism, Anyway?

As I've looked through inclusionist circles, I've come to a startling realization that most of them have an extremely skewed understanding of what exclusionism is (along with its various offshoots, subtypes, and related beliefs). They equate it to hatred of whatever group is being excluded, and they don't think people part of the excluded group could ever support exclusionism.

So, I've decided to write a long post to clear up some of those misconceptions. This post is mainly targeted to inclusionists and people wondering where they stand on the inclus/exclus sides of various types of discourse, but if you're exclusionist already, please feel free to reblog or boost it. <3 Thanks in advance for reading!

I'll start by introducing myself. Hi, I'm Ivy, or at least that's what I go by on here. I am a heterosexual, aromantic female. I am neurodivergent (ADHD, so forgive me if I ramble or write in a scatterbrained way) and have several other mental illnesses that I don't wish to talk about online. I do not have gender dysphoria, but I do not "feel feminine," and my personality has been described as rather masculine. In fact, many people in the inclusionist trans community have tried to convince me that I'm nonbinary because I don't feel a strong connection to a female gender, and I'll talk about that more later in this post.

I'm going to put all my relevant discourse opinions on the table right now. (In the next paragraph, I'm going to explain what all these labels actually mean and why they don't automatically make someone a horrible person.) Contrary to popular belief, I am not a trans-exclusionary radical feminist (TERF), an aphobe, a transphobe, or a bigot. I am ace-exclusionist, aro-exclusionist, trans-exclusionist, transmedicalist, pro-LGB, and gender-critical.

Now here's the fun part. Bear with me -- we're about to debunk the myths about these opinions, explain each term's real definition, and talk about some of the reasoning behind the beliefs.

Exclusionism, as a blanket term, is the belief that gatekeeping is necessary to make any group or community meaningful and safe. Various types of exclusionists fight against the lumping together of various marginalized identities or groups, because they believe that letting different types of people into spaces meant for more specific groups will detract from the safety and functionality of those spaces. They do not hate the groups they are excluding, and they typically want to exclude both ways. For example, ace exclusionists don't want allosexual LGBT let into ace spaces any more than they want asexuals let into LGBT spaces. Many exclusionists in LGBT discourse support the exclusion of groups that they themselves are part of, because in addition to the idea that it's harmful to the main LGBT community to lump them into it, they also think their group deserves its own recognition as a separate thing from the LGBT community. Exclusionism is not hatred.

Time to get into more specific terms. Let's start pretty simple, with truscum and transmeds. Someone who is truscum believes that people must have dysphoria to be trans. Someone who is transmedicalist believes that gender dysphoria is a mental disorder, and that transness is a medical condition synonymous with gender dysphoria. All transmeds are truscum, but not all truscum are transmeds. Most truscums and transmeds are against MOGAI, neopronouns, gender microlabels (e.g. genderflux or demiboy), and xenogenders. Most truscums believe in nonbinary people. There are some transmeds who don't believe nonbinary dysphoria is real, but they're not the majority.

The direct opposite of truscum and transmed is "tucute," which denotes a belief that dysphoria is not required to be transgender and gender identity is completely unrelated to biological sex or medical disorders/conditions. Tucutes also generally support MOGAI, xenogenders, neurogenders, microlabels, and neopronouns.

Next, we have bio-essentialism. Bio-essentialism is the belief that oppression is based on biological sex, not gender identity, and that identifying as a different gender than your birth sex doesn't automatically mean you are oppressed. This doesn't necessarily mean bio-essentialists believe that gender doesn't exist or that you can't identify as whatever you want, just that your social oppression is based off your biological sex. Not all bio-essentialists are truscum or transmeds, but most are. Bio-essentialists prominently use the terms "male" and "female" to describe biological sex rather than gender identity, and non-radical ones will use "man" and "woman" as blanket terms that include transmen and transwomen while maintaining "male" and "female" as words for biological sex only.

Then, we have the big bad term, TERF. I've seen a lot of people misuse the TERF label, so I'm going to try to clarify its actual meaning. The acronym stands for "trans-exclusionary radical feminist." It's important to break that down into two main parts -- TE and RF -- because trans-exclusionists are often called TERFs when most of them don't fit the "RF" part of the acronym at all.

Trans-exclusionism (TE) means that you believe transgender issues/discourse/activism should be separated from LGB issues/discourse/activism because they are fundamentally different. L, G and B all have one thing in common: being attracted to people of the same sex as you. T is about someone's gender, not their sexual orientation, so trans-exclusionists believe that the LGB and the T should not be lumped into the same community. It doesn't mean they think trans people deserve less respect or are not real. Most trans-exclusionists are also truscum or transmedicalist, but not all are. Many trans-exclusionists who are also feminists are gender-critical, but not all are. Pro-LGB is a synonym of trans-exclusionist, but in my experience, people who describe themselves as "pro-LGB" are more likely to also be gender-critical than those who identify themselves as "trans-exclusionist."

Radical feminism (RF) is a subset of feminism that -- in addition to general feminist beliefs -- is anti-porn, anti-kink, against the makeup industry, and very often openly misandrist. Radical feminists are not always trans-exclusionist, and trans-exclusionists are not always radical feminists (in fact, most aren't). Most radfems are anti-capitalist, and all are against pink capitalism and rainbow capitalism (the commercialization of feminist ideas, gay rights, etc.) Most radfems are truscum or transmedicalist, but not all are.

All TERFs are also gender-critical. "Gender-critical" people are bio-essentialist, but they go a step further to say that gender identity is a meaningless term, and that biological sex is the sole basis of oppression. However, one can be gender-critical and still support trans people if one is a transmedicalist. GC transmeds believe that trans people are still oppressed in society according to their biological sex, not their gender identity, but that social/physical transitioning is acceptable as a treatment for the mental disorder known as gender dysphoria.

Neither trans-exclusionism nor radical feminism is inherently transphobic or hateful toward transgender people. To differentiate a regular trans-exclusionist from a TERF, ask yourself if the person fits the radfem beliefs outlined above. If not, they aren't a TERF.

Now that all of that is covered, we can talk about the last couple types of exclusionism I want to touch on -- asexual exclusionism and aromantic exclusionism. These almost always come together as a package called aro/ace-exclusionism or aspec-exclusionism, but it is technically possible to be ace-exclusionist and not aro-exclusionist (or vice versa), though I've never personally met someone with such beliefs. Aspec-exclusionists believe that aspec people should not be included in the LGBT community because the lack of sexual or romantic attraction is a completely separate struggle and involves separate experiences than having attractions that exist, but are not heterosexual. Some more extreme aro/ace exclusionists strongly gatekeep aromanticism and asexuality. These ones don't believe in microlabels on the "aro spectrum" or "ace spectrum" such as demisexual or grayromantic. They maintain the belief that if someone has sexual attraction (regardless of whether they actually pursue people sexually) then they are not asexual, and if someone feels romantic attraction at all (even if they don't pursue romantic relationships) they are not aromantic.

Aro/ace-exclusionists, regardless of their beliefs on aromantic and asexual spectrums or microlabels, are not inherently aphobic. They only want aromanticism and asexuality to be separated from the rest of the LGB or LGBT community, and treated as their own distinct identities.

I hope this post was informative, and if anyone has feedback on anything I should edit, they should let me know in replies. Regardless of your beliefs, if you actually read this whole post or even just scrolled to the bottom, I'd like to offer a sincere thanks for bearing with me thus far. If you are an inclusionist or otherwise disagree with the things in the post, but you read it anyway, I have a lot of respect for your willingness to hear opinions other than yours rather than blindly blocking out everything you disagree with.

No matter who you are, I hope you have a great day. <3

[kamuisthoughts]

The Actual Rant:

I’m going to begin by saying that I think the ABO dynamic is interesting.

That being said I’ve noticed some recurring and very disturbing themes that are attached to this type of AU, regardless of what fandom you’re reading in. It makes sense to me that a universe where people have secondary genders and are more susceptible to animalistic instincts would have different types of societal issues. This being the disturbing themes I mentioned. The disregard of rape, the gender oppression, the objectification of certain genders, and various forms of dysphoria.

Obviously these themes are extremely dark and unsettling, but what’s worse is how the people that take it upon themselves to write about these things romanticize these horrific issues. Using them as a tool to build a parallel world that would cause the reader to think or reflect on our own society is one thing. That’s what I would like to read. But instead I come across these ABO AUs and find authors downplaying these abominable problems, making it seem as if it’s okay to have these sorts of things happening.

If you tell me beforehand what you intend to do okay, I can just avoid that.

But anyway there’s a difference between building a world with dark elements like these and presenting it as something that is truly disgraceful, but many people in the world do not care or fear fighting against it, and creating a world where it’s obvious that the writer is fetishizing these elements. You can completely change the tone of something depending on how issues are presented, how the characters react to their circumstances.

I hate to see rape happen in a story. I honestly feel it’s the most unforgivable, egregious thing you could do to a person beside murdering them. It’s a form of torture, and I honestly believe this, so it turns my stomach to see people writing stories where characters go through this awful thing, sometimes repeatedly and it’s not accurately addressed. There’s rarely lasting trauma if any. They just kind of take it, they don’t fight, they might even accept it just because the character doing it to them is objectively attractive and that is nauseating to me.

I also hate to see kidnappings and forced marriages in this type of AU, where the author tells you the main character is a “BAMF” or “Strong” individual but this is never actually displayed. Not mentally which I often respect to see in characters and not even hinted at physically either. They’ll maybe have a sassy mouth but still won’t really do anything when their abuser is hurting them. And this is usually moot since the main character oftentimes just simpers for their alpha abuser in the end. They’ll either be too scared to continue to mouth off or be too enamored by the alpha’s physical appearance and scent.

I also noticed Stockholm Syndrome is really common in these stories as well, (should the author actually deign to touch upon the immense trauma rape would cause a person), despite how rare this condition is in reality. This I find maddening. Now, I understand sometimes reality is so painful that someone needs to escape it through delusion so that they can function somewhat coherently. But the fact that there are so many stories where a character is kidnapped, ripped from their life, forced to mate with someone who doesn’t respect them as a fellow human being, raped, forcefully impregnated, and then somehow still falls in love with their abuser is utterly repulsive.

And the thing that really upsets me is the fact that I deliberately exclude tags in my search that denote rape/non-con, underaged, and major character death yet still I come across stories where these things are mentioned. Are happening. They’ll be in the story but not in a story’s tags and just glossed over. I’m not sure if this is deliberate or if some of the writers just don’t understand the magnitude of the themes they’re pushing but regardless I find this unacceptable.

If someone says no and you stick your penis inside of them anyway, that is rape. If you lull them into a false sense of security due to pheromones after they’ve said no and have sex with them, that is rape. If they give up fighting because they know it’s hopeless it’s still rape. I don’t care how physically desirable you are, or how good you smell, or if you feel it’s your “right” to take the other person because you managed to pin them down and you’re stronger. They said no, and even if they didn’t say “no” they didn't say yes .

If someone didn’t say they accepted your advances, that is not dubious consent. That. Is. Rape . And women can be rapists too. Let’s stop pretending that’s not a thing and that it’s not just as bad no matter what gender the attacker is. Can we not try to sugarcoat the horrible things people are writing about and call it “dubious” so people can feel better about romanticizing sexual abuse and getting off on it? Because even if you don’t call a spade a spade it’s still a damn spade.

Now let’s talk about fetishes. I hate when male characters are forcefully feminized when they don’t want to be. Like seriously, a male omega in this type of ABO story could literally say, “I’m a man, don’t call me a wife or a mother” and the other characters will just brush it off, they won’t even address it. They’ll continue to label him incorrectly, continue to treat him in ways that make him uncomfortable, and eventually he’ll just stop getting upset or annoyed and go along with it. This is NOT okay. This happens when a writer likes writing about feminine men.

There’s nothing wrong with a feminine man, that’s not what I’m saying. What’s wrong is when a man is overly sexualized because of his physical appearance and incorrectly labeled by others despite him stating what he identifies as. If you want to write about a gender fluid male omega, do that! Do not write about a male omega who identifies as male and call him a wife just because he can give birth. He is still a husband. He is a man and the other characters should be respecting that.

Then we have the fetishizing of birth or breeding in these AUs. This element of this AU has always been so creepy to me. (And I’m talking about FORCED breeding. Edit added because I didn’t specify this at first).

Omegas in these AUs are seen as the lowest of the low because they have heats, are softhearted, physically weaker, and motherly. Yet despite being chained to the bottom of the societal hierarchy they are objectified by other secondary genders. They are desired just enough for alphas and betas to want to breed with but they aren’t worth equal rights such as choosing their own “mate”, their job, or even walking down the street without fear of being forcefully mounted.

Seldom do I see this issue actually portrayed as an issue. The omegas in the story bat their eyelashes at alphas, and even manipulate them because they know that they are objectified. They aim to get claimed by “strong” and “virile” alphas and to have “beautiful pups”. Like, what?

But okay, I can see that.

You live a certain way you can get used to almost anything, but the fact that it’s rarely more than the main character who wants for more is astounding to me. I guess this is a writer’s way of hammering home how different and “before their time” they want their main character to be but it just comes off as forced, and the main character becomes a novelty. Alphas just want the main even more because they want to break them so they can force them into the role of a “good little omega”.

It angers me to see this type of world building with no consequences. There’s no simmering rage at the lack of justice and equality, there’s no conflict. It’s just, “omegas are cute and sexy and they smell nice”. This just makes all of the characters seem like morally bankrupt sex addicts who’re all some form of insane and I can’t stand it. But I’ll digress.

The true reason I decided to write this rant?

A story.

Yes, I came across a story and for some reason despite the harmless looking tags and my knowledge of how misleading this AU can be I clicked on it. I just wanted to see if I was being too harsh on the ABO AU, if someone could write a story in this type of universe that I could actually bear to read that wasn’t extremely hard to find. (Most of the fics in this AU I come across are the really dark ones).

So, I tried to read an ABO AU for MHA, and I'll tell you now I couldn’t even get beyond the fourth chapter. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Izuku was of course a rare male omega, born in a fantasy world where All Might bestowed upon him the powerful magic of One For All and then dipped. Of course despite having this power Izuku was still a weakling, even though the author tried to say he was strong willed and “unlike most omegas”.

Izuku had to hide his secondary gender. He lived as a quirkless beta with his mother. One day he stumbled across Katsuki, who declared Izuku his “true mate”. Despite Izuku saying he didn’t want to mate with him, Izuku was abducted and forced to be with him simply because it was what Katsuki wanted.

Izuku repeatedly said he didn’t want to be there, that he didn't want to be with this literal stranger, and that he didn’t have any desire to be a baby factory for him but was of course ignored. Long story short Katsuki got his way and Izuku eventually was down with it. Because Katsuki was handsome, well built, and smelled nice Izuku didn’t even bother to stay angry at the injustice of his own situation.

This is one of the many stories in this type of AU I personally find problematic. I don’t care if people write these fics, I just wish they were more responsible about it.

I’ve seen stories where alphas threaten to kill an omega’s family or the omega themselves to force them to mate with them, and are forced to comply. Instead of acknowledging how horrible this is the other characters just sort of treat it like the omega is misbehaving and that they’re cute for being “annoyed”. Like, what? Literally what the fuck. And this is sometimes never brought up again.

Alphas could burn down a whole village, slaughter everyone and take the omegas as sex slaves and still in certain stories this could be romanticized. I can’t get with that. Especially not when the victims aren’t even upset for more than a few days. What the heck!? That was your family!

But what really makes me uncomfortable? When an author makes sure the reader is aware of the fact that an abuser is extremely physically attractive so that people will be less inclined to be disgusted by their atrocious behavior and mentality.

I get it.

Sometimes the inevitable fall is due to true mates and all that. But at the same time, that is absolute bullshit. I wouldn’t give a damn if you were Jesus Christ himself, if you threaten to kill my family, or me, DO these things, disregard my feelings because of what you want and what you have to gain I am not giving you the time of day. Or at the very least if I have no choice I’m gonna utterly despise the person harming me. Come on!

True mates/Soulmates could be so freaking cute. It HAS been. I’ve seen it. There’s good fics out there, I just wish there was more of a selection where certain tropes are implemented in a way that isn’t toxic.

I don’t care how objectively attractive someone appears. I don’t care what “fate” says or what “instincts” denote. What reason do some of these characters have to love their abusers? Let alone be attracted to them? Especially if they never get a heartfelt apology and the alpha doesn’t bother to change significantly to be a tolerable human being. But okay, ABO instincts. Lack of control. I know, okay? But come on, can we switch it up a bit?

Out of morbid curiosity, sometimes when I come across stories I just can’t read because the Non-con is there but it’s not portrayed as traumatic and the author doesn’t even TELL you it’s in there... out of some masochistic need to punish myself I scroll down to read some of the comments and no one, I mean no one addresses how skewed and warped the themes in these stories are. The readers eat it up. And it’s honestly sickening.

But you know what? That’s kind of a lie. Some people do complain but they’re usually just straight up hateful flames and I don’t support those. I wish people could be more constructive when commenting on people’s work.

But anyway, since it was the MHA ABO AU fic that set me off I’ll just continue to use Izuku and Katsuki as examples for my griping. With Izuku as the omega and Katsuki as the alpha.

Many fanfic writers set up their worlds as a means to impregnate Izuku. That’s what I believe. Not ALL fanfic writers that write about this AU do this. SOME of them do! And I’m not saying this is always problematic, but it is when they put certain elements together because they want to write about BakuDeku in a sexual form and don’t bother to note how dark the story elements they’re implementing actually are.

I’m not sure if this is because some of them don’t understand how serious and damaging these things are and can be (rape/sexual coercion/forced pregnancy) or if they just don’t care and find them cute and sexy.

Either way, the things some authors have alpha Katsuki pulling on Izuku are wrong and downright perverted.

Now, I’m not opposed to smut. Sometimes I read stories with smut, that doesn’t bother me. Sex is a natural thing and people do it to show how much they like someone, or even just because it feels good. Whatever, that’s fine. But putting two characters together and saying “this is how it is because fate and forget gradually becoming attracted because I want that sexual tension now!” is something I find greatly unsettling.

If I could see this idea displayed differently maybe I could be equally disturbed, but could grow to accept Izuku and Katsuki (or whoever are the focus of the story) as a pair. Why? Because if the things the alpha is doing are horrible they should be acknowledged as horrible.

A lot of stories could be more interesting to me if the author wrote the things I mentioned above as they actually are, despicable. Instead things a lot of the times are sugar coated, treated as a joke, or downright wrongfully sexualized. Sometimes all three at once! A lot of these fics could have been something I could stomach if treated soundly. Say, Katsuki for example decided Izuku belonged to him and he forcefully mated with him, not allowing Izuku to be with anyone else without serious backlash. If he began to realize that his outlook on life was entitled and morally bankrupt I could totally get with that!

The author in this fake scenario could take the steps to better Katsuki as a person. Izuku of course should rightfully hate this man but could grudgingly begin to see and acknowledge Katsuki trying to change for the better. Then when Izuku manages to let go of his anger for his own sake, (not Katsuki’s) I could probably accept him beginning to notice Katsuki romantically. NOT sexually.

Now if Izuku just has to notice Katsuki’s physical body from the beginning and finds him irresistible because you know, ABO AU instincts and all that jazz—but hated this about himself, the juxtaposition of physical desire but mental and emotional disdain could be fascinating, engaging. It would make Izuku seem more like a person in these stories and less like the idea of a mentally strong omega. (Again, not saying all ABO fics lack good storytelling or compelling characters or any of that).

I could accept this eventual forgiveness and romance scenario because it could be amazing storytelling wise. Allowing the reader to experience a range of emotions due to world building, characterization, character growth, and plot line.

But anyway, I’m not trying to bash the specific story I used as an example above. I realize a lot of people love it and a lot of my language was crude and even rude but I just felt the need to express exactly what I was feeling, and above is what I felt. (I had to cut some things because it was way too obvious which fanfiction set me off and that’s not what I wanted. Didn’t want to throw shade, just wanted to prove a point).

If people want to read those types of stories that’s fine, at least they’re not going out into the world and doing what they’re reading about. Or at least I hope that’s the case.

But anyway, if people are going to read these types of things I think the reality of the content should be aptly acknowledged. No rose colored glasses, because that just makes it so wrong. And no, I’m not talking about being partial to any kind of kinks. I’m talking about a type of ABO fic that is problematic for me. I wrote a whole damn rant, if you can’t glean what I’m saying here I freaking give up.

But more presently, I guess it really comes down to what you prefer. Other people like things that come off as more sensual and carefree.

Personally I make it a point not to read those types of fanfictions because it’s just not my preference. I prefer to read things with dark world building with what I perceive as realistic consequences and real justice. Or maybe just downright cold blooded revenge sometimes. That’s nice too. Everyone is different, and I think I’ve just become frustrated because I’m not finding many stories like that in this AU.

That being said I’ve decided to write a story that I could read. A few, actually. You know what they say, “if you don’t do it, nobody else will”.

[nothorses]

heyy! first of all i hope you're doing well. thank you for taking the time out to read and respond to this (if you choose to). this has been bothering me for a while and i'd like your opinion on it.

i read these two articles recently - the first one is about a lesbian professor of gender studies + sexuality arguing why women should be allowed to "hate men"; the second is an interview with her about the article in which she addresses some of the negative responses she got to that article.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/why-cant-we-hate-men/2018/06/08/f1a3a8e0-6451-11e8-a69c-b944de66d9e7_story.html

https://outline.com/ttKscw

i have a lot of questions about this.

firstly, i cannot tell whether this is the sort of reductionist, radfemmy, "fuck all men" feminist you've been talking about. i understand her sentiments but i disagree with her statement, and i want to get better at identifying shallow feminism. i don't think my personal opinion is credible enough (yet) to draw any conclusions right off the bat. are there any 'tells' or signs that indicate what sort of feminism someone is speaking about (in the same way that there are certain idenitifiers of TERF ideology even when it is not explicitly mentioned)? for example, in the interview, she explicitly says "Where is discrimination? Where are men being excluded? Where are men being abused? Oh, come on." as well as her implied praise of kamala harris as 'the feminist we need in office'. are those things indicators of whether her position on feminism is credible/an appropriate portrayal of how Feminism™ should function? in short, do i take this woman entirely seriously about all this?

secondly, how do you feel about gender being a social construct, as she states? does that not contradict the very real physical dysphoria that a lot of us experience? doesn't it invalidate almost all the experiences of struggle against transphobia and cissexism, as well as our identities, by painting gender identity as 'not a big deal' or 'fake' by virtue of being a social construct? also, is gender identity not influenced by biology to some extent?

thirdly, along a similar vein, how do you feel about gender abolitionism? i don't exactly have a v specific question about this one, i just want another trans person's opinion on how that sort of society would affect them. i do not wish to be stripped of my identity, and i am opposed to gender abolitionism because of that. is this sentiment a product of some misunderstanding i have?

if you have any other thoughts at all about the articles, i'd love to hear those. thank you!

Oooh, anon, these are such good questions.

Why Can’t We Hate Men? by Suzanna Walters

Follow-Up Interview with Walters

Walters does a weird sort of dance in both articles: her argument is that “hating men” is okay and even good, but she has to completely misrepresent what “hating men” is, does, and means in order to make her point align with what she actually believes is defensible.

“Hating men” is not actually about hating men, she says; she doesn’t hate men at all, in fact. She knows they’re not the problem, but rather the systems of patriarchy in place. She knows racism and other intersections make “hating men” complicated at best, and harmful at worst. She just wants men to “lean back” and understand the power they hold; to be feminists. She thinks it’s a good thing to welcome men into feminism.

So then what the hell does “hating men” actually mean, to her? Why make that the hill to die on, if nothing in her argument has anything to do with that hill?

I don’t think she really believes any of the arguments she’s making in the first place. Walters pays lipservice to racism and intersectionality in a brief comment, then never brings it up again. Her view of feminist issues is narrow and shallow, dealing mostly with “the safety of women” and the representation of women in positions of power; both of which fail to address the structural issues of the patriarchy and how it functions, and prioritize Making Women Powerful over dismantling the systems of oppression giving people power over each other in the first place. She believes that all men are universally and inherently benefiting from the patriarchy, and that men in fact are the system to be fought.

Some of this pings as TERFy, too. Walters never really argues against radical feminism. Her argument against gender-essentialism is, as you said, that gender shouldn’t exist at all- but she claims the patriarchy discriminates based on genitalia.

You caught that as well; “where are men being oppressed/abused?” she says, after her performative gesture toward intersectionality. Walters also compares the oppression of women to racism at the same time, which... holy shit.

I’d personally peg her as a mainstream liberal feminist. She’s a successful white professor who sincerely believes that her experiences as a woman are universal. Her takes are surface-level and shallow at best, and edging dangerously close to radical feminism and quiet TERFism at worst.

TL;DR: The Author

She’s a mainstream liberal feminist who makes a string of confused, contradicting arguments because she chose to die on a hill she doesn’t really understand. Her arguments stray TERFy and racist on multiple occasions.

RE: Gender questions

What gender is and where it comes from is a complicated question, and I don’t think there’s a simple answer to it. The major arguments are that it’s social, biological, or psychological; either it comes from how you’re socialized, what your genitals look like, or it’s something built into your brain chemistry (think “wrong body” trans theory).

I personally think it’s a bit of a mix, leaning toward the social and psychological, and that where gender “comes from” is a little different for each individual. Biology has a bit to do with it; we’ve had somewhat consistent ideas "man” and “woman” across various cultures.

But what gender means in each society is different, and how people conceptualize it has been different. What gender someone feels they are may be influences by their culture’s gender expectations. Some indigenous cultures even have anywhere from two to five distinct “genders”, and I can say personally that my conceptualization of my own gender relies pretty heavily on how other people perceive and treat me.

Not to mention that trans people have existed for as long as people in general have, even in societies that lack any formal gender concept for trans folks. So psychology must play a role, too.

So if we strip away all social expectations of gender, we’re still left with psychological and biological influences on gender. Which is part of why I don’t think we can abolish gender to begin with; people will always have internal understandings of gender to some extent, and they’ll always express them, and therefore there will always be a social element to gender. We can, however, work toward abolishing restrictive, binaristic, oppressive gender structures that limit and punish expressions of gender.

And as a sidenote, the whole “gender is just a social construct, but genitals are real” and “we should abolish all concept of gender” thing is extremely TERFy. There are thoughtful and trans-inclusive ways of approaching the question, but usually we’re talking about gender as part of a system of power and oppression. Walters is using the TERF framework that their “gender critical” comes from: gender isn’t real, therefore trans people aren’t real. Patriarchy is just based on biological realities and sex, and we should abolish the idea of gender (as code for abolishing trans rights and theory).

TL;DR: Gender

I personally believe that gender is a synthesis of biological, psychological, and social influences that is highly unique to every individual. There’s no real way to “abolish” it, only systems of power and oppression that rely on and enforce it. Walters’ way of discussing it is extremely TERFy, and her arguments should be heavily scrutinized.