#the difference btwn me and a lot of ppl is that if i like an artist i can admit that theyre not anything revolutionary or different

[funkle420]

UC Santa Cruz has a free PDF of Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire!

[peachiyyy]

celebrities r so inauthentic like i know everybody talks about this but i dont understand why people praise them for following microtrends and copying others/rebranding to an image that doesnt even suit them or make sense for them. Y’all will see a celebrity follow microtrends and eat that shit upppppppp go girlgive us nothing!! I dont want to see fuck ass c*milla c*bello w bleached eyebrows

[waitingforminjae]

i think lee seunggi coming out abt hook only now, eighteen years after their abuse started, does offer a unique perspective in the sense that it shows just how thoroughly it affects a person, especially if they were a child when it started. like even though someone may be 35 years old now and able to put words to what they experienced and knows it was wrong, and have removed themselves from that abusive relationship, doesn’t mean its affects just magically go away.

[pesteringchum]

was feeling like shit but didnt want to bother anyone so i went to my empty discord server to use the vent channel. reading my old vent messages made me cringe so hard that im normal again.

mission accomplished i guess??

[nomairuins]

i wish there was a way for me to likeee. semi change this one thingin this one mod. but 1 im not a modder 2 i feel like thats disrespectful. i just want sort of an inbetween between the game and this mod but that is not a thing that exist... sigh

[honeyvenommusic]

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[dilfhos]

sooo this is gonna be a messy rant on the observations ive made between different writer communities, blog interactions and overall “status”. just silly little things I’ve noticed in my 4+ years being on tumblr btwn 2 diff blogs. and this is about no one specific, a very generalized post so if you find urself offended i honestly dont know what to tell you?? :o do better ig. & if you relate, i feel for you. TLDR @/end.

i dont like interacting/ building connections with people but not for the reasons ppl think. im not stuck up or pretentious or weird or anything. just another anime-enjoyer who loves to write in her free time. nobody special by a longshot!! i enjoy writing, always have since before i was a teen. (wasn’t always ff tho!).

but over the years ive just noticed fandom writing has its gritty sides that no one talks about often and its no mystery why so many prolific/ popular writers deactivated, me included. i had some shitty experiences and have seen friends go bc of it.

firstly, I’ve noticed, once you start interacting and building friendships with people, it’s easier to see the bigger perspective of where ppl stand and the blatant hierarchy of friendships and groups. same applies to that outside. like its literally just me n’ my bsf then my acquaintances bc mfs be weirddd omg its like cults or something. like thats why initially I didn’t interact w/anyone starting on my new blog. that n’ fear of drama following from my last blog ugh. ‘Cept the few i’ve met on my old blog (like my wifey)

not to mention i have bad anxiety. and sometimes im cue-deaf. i dont always pick up what people put down and vice versa and it makes me conscious in a lot of my interactions. so a part of me doesn’t want to interact at all to avoid all awkwardness and possible miscommunications. that’s not to say i don’t notice subtle changes in interactions after one situation / conversation or so forth, that in myself or witnessed between other ppl. (im perceptive, just not that good conversationalist lol. like i really have to try.)

but then…if you don’t interact with people on here, your chances of building an audience or a reader base is slim to none. the likelihood of developing relationships is zip. because you’re already perceived and pegged as just another tumblr writer. pause. to clarify, a writer who doesn’t want any recognition or interactions from mutuals or new friends. or just a lonely writer? a introverted, lonely writer. which leads to little to none interactions (anons, reblogs, moots —exposure.)

so then its like you’re kinda placed btwn a rock n a hard place. and there’s absolutely no problem with that! in fact this is the best part—meeting friends and like-minded people! people that make being online all the more worth it right? thirsting over fictional characters and sharing in each other’s works!

but you have to be in specific circles it seems. but then you can’t imply that you want to be in those circles bc then you’re desperate.

but well, then you cant purposefully want to be independent or be on your own or else you’re a hater, hypocrite or stuck up. not to mention, no one will reblog your stuff lol. no one will interact fr, and you’re friendless essentially. and god forbid if you disagree on something as if opinions don’t exist btw! then you’re being ganged up on. (like omg grow up!)

but then if you reach out you’re seen as trying to wedge in or kiss ass? you interact and follow and you’re ignored or left hanging? (bc im gonna touch your hand when i say this—it never gave fan, your majesty of horny nerds) and this is about ALL the writing communities and fandoms—spicy content, black content and dark content. ALL.

yet no one wants to talk about the pregnant elephant in the room—bias. and favoritism. also people seem to have a hard time being direct with how they’re feeling toward/about someone ( in a good or bad way) which in turn leads to a lot of miscommunication and subliminal attacks. (not to mention hate anons? one of my moots just had her inbox flooded w/them recently, ew.)

you can lead a horse to water AND you can write a 500-word essay on the observations made on tumblr writers as a whole. (a long ass post on the truth on behalf of those feeling this too)

also, slapping a HEY LOOK AT ME! IM A WRITER WHO WANTS INTERACTION AND FRIENDS! on a blog is frankly embarrassing. it shouldn’t even take all that seeing how easy it is for others wanting the same thing.

or doing less to achieve the same result.

not to mention, yall shit on ppl who essentially feel this way altogether bc you peg them as sb who doesn’t “try” or just jealous when their own works are phenomenally written themselves. ive seen it. and ive lived it. never gave jealousy baby.

at the end of the day, we’re all writers— either longterm or hobbyists. (personally, im longterm) self-indulgent or not! and its absolutely amazing when people are being fair in how they spread love and feedback to their writers.

Secondly, its not news that people have to want to reblog your fics so that their followers can reblog, so they can reblog, and their followers can reblog and so forth. but ppl honestly dont care atp bc once they’ve already read it, they owe you nothing. and apparently asking for reblogs is crass and bold. (imma do it anyway) but putting your very all into a story just to turn and see a half-thought out hc soaring 3k in 2hrs and 5k in a day — you have to stfu, open your ass and take it. keep it cute!

you’re getting fucked after all!!

because if you complain—you’re just jealous and lazy and uncreative!! and i hate that to seem like a writer worth a damn, you have to change up your writing style every two weeks to fit in with trending waves.

“no more poetic long fics, nobody’s into that! short, snappy slutty shots are all the rage!” “ppl are only into these specific tropes but you can’t exceed 2k words!” “only add trending characters to these hcs! ppl love them only!” “don’t write too much about a specific character or else ill unfollow you!” its exhausting.

i am well within my right as a literary artist to desire more feedback and interaction on anything i put out. period. and you are too! 🫵

God, im tired of that stupid, ‘you have to enjoy your writing for yourself and not worry about notes’ line. i do love my writing! don’t get me wrong there’s nobody id rather write like if not myself fr. not to mention the inspiration i draw from famous literary authors. however, i would love feedback and the same energy that i see with others in my same caliber.

and when i see others that didn’t even try fr—its a slap in the face to put it bluntly.

i can want silly little comments and notes about something i cherish and put out for that reason and yall aren’t gonna make me feel bad about it. sorry! like yall really be making people feel shitty for wanting the same type of interactions you get! especially when its harmless, bye asf. nb want to recipe to ur peach cobbler b!

the only one giving push back are those appointed popular /top blogs n’ cliques tho. now personally, i honestly dgaf if you have 20 followers or 25k, writing is writing and if its good you should want to support it regardless of following count/interaction right?

unfortunately, and quite unsurprisingly its not the case for the rest of this hellhole lol. there’s always gonna be some “big blog” in any part of tumblr or any social media for that matter.

but when the sole purpose being on a site like tumblr to write is mainly exposure, then it just makes it ten times worse especially if it seems that these blogs are steady at the top of every. single. tag. and listen, i know how initially stupid that sounds but when you’ve picked up on patterns for as long as i have, well iykyk.

so imma be real bc no one else will, half of the posts that yall see with 25k notes have alr been done. just different characters, different words, different dialogue. And 8/10 its been done by sb who only received 100 notes. Thats the evil part. whats more is that it lacks the creativity the one post with 100-300 notes is filled with completely.

POP QUIZ! what post would readers be more inclined to read? — one that says 10k (ohhh that must be popular!) or the one with only 150 (oh i guess nb really liked that one) that no one is even willing to reblog for MORE. and BOOM. now yall wonder why so many great writers LEAVE, its a fucking joke.

so unfortunately its no longer only about or only on readers anymore. its about who you know and who you know is willing to support your fr. who is willing to REBLOG your fics for their friends and followers, so that their friends and followers can reblog. to fit in you actually have to get in these days and it makes it all less enjoyable. makes it a chore and if you aren’t ‘doing it right’ ultimately it makes you feel shitty about your writing. (Please don’t, you are doing amazing. its the platform.)

it makes people not want to jump into writing. it pushes away those who actually want to join writing communities and meet people without feeling like they have to jump thru hoops to thrive or worse—live in other ppls shadows. and then it deters those from speaking up in fear of being shut down by bigger groups. ive seen it happen time and time again.

lastly, and this is the juiciest part! you absolutely cannot say anything about any of this bc you’re complaining and a fisher just looking for attention and not someone who just want things to be fair all over. play the game, right? ( wrong. and if this is your logic, you suck! )

its no longer about making flashy banners and pretty themes. its no longer about how many clever directory links you add or how many games you initiate on your blog or whether or not you’ve reblogged your fic three times already. its about your “friends”, other mutuals, and blogs willing to support you too. not just the audience. audience gonna do what they want regardless. reblog, don’t reblog, whatever. “at least ive read it right?” but everyone knows this. duh! but it’s obvious who doesn’t care as long as they’re on top of that tag! its admirable in a way but it sucks for those wanting to break out and build some kind of readerbase and/or make friends.

TLDR; people need to stop being bias and be fair and open lol. stop picking favorites and share the love all around. you see another person writing your favorite character or trope, give them a fucking chance and reblog, regardless if they’re in your ‘circle’ / radar or not. regardless if you know them or not. hell, let them put you on to a new fandom. bc writing is writing and making new moots and finding new fics seem to be what everyone loves to showcase until its time to actually do it. no wonder people get discouraged to make friends and write, yall treat it like some kind of secret society when its supposed to be fun💀 not a competition. (yall need to dead this clique-y shit. )

[basilibino]

Season 8 was like 6 years ago(I feel old) and I know ppl have differing opinions on the Mr Echo thing (but it was intended, made it to storyboard and blocked animation and then dropped, soooo) but. I can see his recruitment p easily tbh. Bc the whole reason Dr J was in that lighthouse was because he was resurrected, forced there, and ordered to build Skulkin vehicles by Samukai. But Samukai in the flashback we see has already been deposed as leader of the Skulkin/Underworld. Which means the orders to do so most likely came from Garmadon.

And since Mr. E is one of the head honchos, he's likely an early arrival to the team, so I don't think Harumi has a whole lot figured out at this point, she's just got her Trauma and some Bad Influence Friends and an obsession with Lord Garmadon. So. Like. Plausible deniability road trip that she's just visiting important markers of Ninjago's recent past, all of which involve Lord Garmadon in some meaningful way; its sightseeing, its cathartic, and it gives her time to develop her dream Motorcycle Gang/Resurrection Cult. She's not looking for anyone at the Lighthouse, but she is looking for vehicle blueprints so she can be the Koolest leader on the block. But oops she looks in the basement and there's an Echo.

And she's flipping out bc??? A Ninja???? In the Lighthouse basement??? I mean it makes sense that it would be this one but???

Except this rusty old robot has no idea what she's talking about with this Ninja stuff, he's just waiting for his dad to come back.

And Harumi pauses.

Because how long has he been waiting? He's not sure, he had no proper way to measure time in the basement, and he doesn't have the best view of his clockwork heartpiece. But it was after his father saw a strange ship docking; Echo was worried it was the People who had locked up his father in the first place, but instead his dad sounded happy when he saw whoever was out there. It could have been a front, though, as clearly it was never safe to let Echo back out. Then Dr J popped down briefly, while everyone above was resting, to tell Echo he was desperately needed elsewhere, that it wasn't safe to bring Echo, but that he'd be back in no time.

And the pieces are fitting together for Harumi. And she's like. Your dad's dead, bro.

And he's like. What? Did he die doing what was needed of him?

And she's like. Oh, no. He died a few years later.

And he's like. Why didn't he come back for me????

And she's like. Probably because they kept him away.

And he's like. Who's they?

And she's like. The Ninja I was talking about earlier.

And it surely can't be hard in universe to find pictures of Zane and Dr J post s2-pre s3, so she pulls one up and shows Echo who is freaking out bc why is that one kind of like him and Harumi explains that that was the droid his father created first, that he became a Ninja, and that hes probably the one who took their father away and kept echo waiting for years.

But Echo has doubts, shocked as he is abt a new older brother, he wants to believe the good in the situation so he's unsure. But Harumi mentions that the Ninja's failures to uphold more than their self preservation/interests has led to uncountable losses and devastation in Ninjago time and time again, before delving into her own story. And she seems so kind, and so hurt, and I do think there's a genuine connection btwn these two that forms from this shared emotional torment that they decide came from the Ninja, and now Echo is more receptive.

And then Harumi gets to start her Garmadon pitch because wait! If Echo was made here, then that could only have happened because of Lord Garmadon. And she reiterates that he's the reason she and her city could have even survived The Great Devourer. And maybe Echo's family-by-creation left, maybe they were untrustworthy and lacking, but that's OK bc if you look at it all a certain way, Garmadon is more of a father to Echo than Dr J was. And Echo is a vulnerable, overwhelmed mess who just found out his dad fucked off for years without him and also died, and also he has a brother??? Who their dad clearly seems to have favored??? Did they even know about Echo??? Did they delight in their life free of him???

Basically. Kinda Spinel-core but getting abandoned and left completely alone does that to you. Especially when the first person to find you after being abandoned is a deeply hurt and misguided teen who is probably kinda desperate for someone, anyone else to see the Ninja the way she sees them.

[silantryoo]

as much as im annoyed by the potential implications of the mhj/hybe drama i do feel like theres way too much speculation rn ... rlly doesn't sit so well with me that everyone is bashing on mhj alone (im not supporting her either though) and not bang sihyuk too. some hybe stans rlly js worship the guy and idk why . its not like he's innocent too. like those texts from him are so annoying too. abt if she's satisfied that nwjns is so popular and also abt trying to rival aespa / bp alone ...

hybe has sm power and r known for their mediaplay so i rlly do wish people would keep that in mind instead of doing their own speculation to bash on mhj . we don't know fs if she's the reason behind seunghan, youngseo, etc .... it seems so forced that everyone just collectively is making stuff up on their own theories and pissing on her. like im all for it when everything's done with but it's giving misogyny to me ughhh idk how to explain it eitherr without sounding like a mhj stan I PROMISE IM NOT TAKING HER SIDE T_T i just cant help but feel like poeple find it easier to hate and bash on women sometimes. even me scrolling x nowadays feels so annoying. literally feel so bad for illit and nwjns rn.

personally i was a teeny annoyed that illit had a similar image to nwjns w their nostalgia/coquettecore (also though just seems like cute/youthful concept is making a cb in general in kpop) but only because their songs on super real me were the exact type of songs i liked most from nwjns (super shy, hurt etc. the softer less peppy songs compared to hybe boy) so it bothered me that there was an implication that nwjns might be forced to distance itself to a more differing concept to keep some contrast btwn the two ... but ik that's not illit's fault at all (literally love the girls sm im a runext fan ^^) i feel like i can understand the upset that illit was getting a similar concept when every other grp before illit in hybe had more defined concepts seperating each other. but once again that's all hybe's doing ...... seeing the choreographers supporting mhj too makes it seem like not even the nwjns team or even all the staff were on board with the references in the choreo either...

anyways i do hope this controversy doesnt impede on either grps promos :( and i rlly hope everything gets sorted out... im srsly hoping this doesnt turn into a 5050 situtation again but with nwjns i was so upset when that happened . was curious on what your thoughts were or if u were keeping up with everything?

the way im coming back to reply to this first thing after my exams is insane, but this nwjns thing makes me so angry for all the idols under hybe. both parties j cares sm ab money that they're blindsided by the potential of ruining their idols careers, mental health and images. mhj is being stupid and hybe does seem to be doing anything to protect nwjns (as far as we know. i could be wrong).

(yawl, jsyk i obv dont have ALL the information. from what ive seen online and the articles ive read, this is what I THINK. ME. youre free to think smthn else, whether i agree or not.)

i def thing that bang hyung sik (bhs) isn't innocent either. although min heejin (mhj), in my opinion, is more in the wrong j based on the treatment of other idols, bhs seemed to provoke her, and on top of that, the company seems to blindly support ppl and give them a platform so long as they make profit for the company. ive been seeing a lot of ppl saying hes j human but youd think theres a reason why mhj got kicked from sm, yk? and you j took her back in w open arms.

hybe is v good at media play fs. its their forte, and ppl seemed to stray from the from the main problem. mhj is using nwjns as a weapon. hybe probably is doing the same thing w their other groups too, dont get me wrong. ppl seem to forget that this entire issue isnt "drama", its a legal battle ensuing between a huge corporation and its subsidiary. hybe has infinite power compared to ador. its horrible on both ends.

the thing is tho, mhj has consistently been showing the public red flags. the lyrics of 'cookie (ik she didnt write the lyrics but shes the ceo. she got them approved)', the portraits gifted to her of naked underaged girls, her obsession w olivia hussey (who happens to look like minji), her treatment of sm employees, her past work w shinee (sexualization of underaged taemin), etc. not to mention her extremely (at least in my eyes) inappropriate relationship w nwjns. the gifts shes gotten them and how she uses their emotions as a weapon. if bhs did that, everyone would be up in arms.

i dont think (for the most part) this is misogyny. i think ppl alw had a weird feeling about her. at least i did.

idt its good to speculate on ppls departure tho. youre def right ab that. the lsfm hate train (esp the coachella one) most likely has nothing to do w mhj. and i do agree that hybe copied or was at least inspired by nwjns, but idt illit copied them. illit and nwjns have a very 'pinkpantheress' sound, the uk early 00's bedroom pop genre. however, nwjns is more y2k and illit is more dream-like, ykwim? hybe was def inspired by nwjns tho. i think a more fitting one would be tws tbh. their sound is v similar to me (emphasis on to me) than illit.

dont get me wrong, it's incredibly shady and the way that a lot of staff are on her side makes me think that hybe was leeching off of the success of nwjns. it referenced all girl groups under hybe tho, lsfm and fromis, but there was def more nwjns references.

what im worried ab the most are the groups, esp nwjns. lsfm has been going thru their own struggles and rn this isnt the best for them, but theyre not extremely involved in the situation, not like nwjns and illit. illit, from what ive seen, has majority of the success and recognition from overseas. however, their success in korea'll take a huge hit. itll def take a toll on the girls mental, considering they j debuted and this happened.

nwjns is the worst off. theres a chance they might leave w mhj if ador does pull away from hybe, which isnt in the groups best interest. mhj's press conference and overall attitude is gonna affect their upcoming release fs, and their proximity to mhj herself is worrisome.

hybe doesnt seem to be doing shit to protect their artists, they're j protecting their name. theres no statement on or for illit, no statement on malicious comments for any of the groups (that i know of).

tldr: min heejin and hybe are both at fault. dont take sides of either, take the side of the idols.

sorry, im j so passionate ab this. the shit ive been seeing online has been making me mad. after getting back from the lsfm hate train too... as mad as i am at mhj, hybe GAVE her that platform. if the things they claim is true, and if the speculation is true, they alr knew from her past employment that she was shady. its their fault for allowing that.

[destinyc1020]

Re Austin. I find it weird how these anons think because you thirst after him, then you must share in their delusions. In terms of their dynamic, we all know how Austin is,very touchy feely staring intently into people's eyes😂 but if I'm being honest I'd say he was less touchy feely with her than he was with Florence for example(not implying anything) and i think its because Z doesn't fuck around like that,as much as she's part of the group and embraces ppl for hellos,I feel she's always reserved and stand offish🤷‍♂️

Yea girl, one thing I'm not is "delusional" lol. Even as a fan of someone, I will state my honest opinion on something. I have always said in here on my blog that I won't "ship" two people irl together who are in serious relationships w/other people. It's just weird to me? I may think that two people look "cute" together or whatever (we're not BLIND), but "Shipping"?? No way....

I'm not really a "shipper" of relationships anyway. I've always said that Tomdaya has been a HUGE exception. I might think a couple is cute together, but actively shipping? Yea no, that's just not something that I do on a regular basis with most couples lol...I'm sorry lol. 😅

I also think there's a difference btwn shipping characters in a movie, vs shipping the two actors together who play those characters.

RE: Z... I don't think Z is "standoffish", I just think she's a Virgo lol 😅 She overthinks a lot. Also, Florence is more touchy-feely just in general...as is Austin. That's just their personality. They're like that w/everyone though, so it's not a big deal to me. With some people, that's just how they show their affection and camaraderie for someone. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I think Austin was just showing respect for Z's boundaries. She's very cautious about who she touches in public because she knows how crazy her stans can get. She barely touched Timothee during the entire Dune press tour, but when you see her in bts clips, you see she and Timothee are good buddies and she freely hugs and touches him....like a FRIEND. I think fans need to realize that these actors all worked together for long hours on set for months, so they're not enemies. Why people would think they hate each other is really weird to me lol. 😅

But how people chose to present themselves to the public during a press tour might differ from how they were on set. I just think Z is pretty cautious with her male co-stars because she knows how people like to make up silly nonsense. Also, the shipping of her and Timmy together has been crazy for years.... So she's EXTRA cautious with him lol. 😅

[vohtaro]

pats ur shoulder. are u winning the gender thought wars son

i feel like if i had better personal fashion sense, i’d feel closer to genderqueer than i do nonbinary…. the terms kind of overlap in my head a lot too. i’m not entirely sure tho. i guess i currently don’t feel especially inspired by dressing like my dad but in jeans instead of cargo shorts LOL. i’ve undeniably fallen into the ‘dress vaguely masc since ur nonbinary’ trap. i’d like to read more about it all: the experiences ppl have w their genders (& maybe specifically where ppl draw al line btwn these two i’ve mentioned in particular). but i mean the lines are also personal and subjective right. the way i see it for myself, being one or the other doesn’t rlly change anything, bc gender =/= pronouns. perhaps genderqueer is something of a constant state of flux whereas nonbinary is an intentional choice to stand somewhere either at the center of, or outside of, the binary. i’m kind of a ‘labels don’t mean much to me’ kind of person, tho sometimes i find social situations get difficult to navigate when i don’t have an “easy” answer re:my pronouns esp since my pronoun are they rn.

anyways. i’ve been thinking about it for like months now tho i don’t feel in any kind of rush to have an answer. my gender is whatever feels right, and my pronouns being they is a good enough fit. really my issues are physical. i’m kind of glad i’ve taken time to be patient w myself w regards to my physical self, tho i still have desires to make a change one day. being cursed with dd’s/e’s has given me loads of dysohoria, as has being fat. that dysohoria has been fed by both societal expectations and personal life experiences too. it’s been easier to just dress baggy and dress casually than to explore expression while also having self confidence in my appearance, regardless of what vibe the appearance gives off. i’ve been trained into thinking that dressing femme invalidates my they pronouns in peoples’ minds. it shouldn’t, obviously, but the training tells me that dressing like a dad is a safer bet than allowing myself to wear something like a blouse or something colorful and cute.

happy belated father’s day from your local dad. i am currently wearing a Champion crew neck navy blue sweater and was considering getting a pair of New Balance shoes the other week. I bought a drill set from The Home Depot last week and i know where the water shutoff is in my place. but i think i need to engage in a different kind of fashion and have the trust in those around me that my pronouns won’t change unless i want them to, and to confidently correct people if they incorrectly identify me.

(tl;dr: to be clear fashion doesn’t identify gender and u should dress how u like and how u want and never let clothes define u unless u want them to. consumption (in this case, clothing) for validation is not the way. this is mostly me in a long-winded manner saying ‘brother u need a lil confidence’ to myself )

[gayleviticus]

autism certainly affects my life in many ways but I don't really identify with it the way a lot of people seem to with like i guess a kind of autistic pride? not to say I'm ashamed of it or anything it's just not something I consciously shape my identity around its just how I am. whereas I DO do that w being gay.

and I was thinking abt the reasons for that, and I guess part of it is being diagnosed young - anecdotally I feel like the people who really go ham for identifying as autistic tend to be ppl who get diagnosed later and find its the final missing clue for understanding themselves (but obviously not uniformly so). and also it feels more relevant to me to identify as gay versus explicit 'homosexuality is a sin' bigotry, as opposed to identify as autistic versus strong but vague and not explicitly voiced disapproval of autistic traits.

I think the other thing tho is that while people do invent all sorts of additional gay stuff like enjoying drag race etc, there's kind of a firm marker btwn what being gay actually is, and all the extra cultural accretions that might be quite logical implications of growing up gay, and might just be stupid stereotyping. but it's easier to distinguish btwn core gay and all the other stuff.

but the fact autism is inherently a spectrum with so many different traits means it's kinda all up in the air. people can have very different autism experiences from you. people on tiktok can say having an imagination is a sign of being autistic. people with the type of autism pitched exactly to your sore spots can be far more frustrating than any allistic person.

which is perfectly fine. that's how autism works. im not criticisng anybody. but I guess autism feels like such a broad category i don't feel a drive to identify with it so strongly in a 'pride' way bc as a label it can obscure variety as much as it clarifies difference

[bellshazes]

finally figured out something I've been wrassling with for a week now, which is that I think a lot of fanon stuff wears me out bc I want something different. but I couldn't express that difference btwn what I try to do with my work and what I see popularly - my first thought was I don't love stuff that takes the fictional world too seriously, but I do that too! I don't always dislike it.

but I think what I want more of is people fictionalizing aspects of a series not to say something abt the internal logic or fictional reality of that series, but in order to say sth about the world we live in with it. like if I am writing etho and bdubs listening to each other's eps from their singleplayer worlds the point is abt their irl friendship and the funny ways you can influence someone without directly talking necessarily, and pointing out subtle but direct references they made. and that meta abt grian & etho's audience lore - I know other ppl must think abt what it says for an author/person making things to acknowledge their audience in the work, and how necessary that is as a YTer & all the varied says ppl develop of handling that! to fictionalize it is a kinder thing than the belabored repetition of No Guys, Please Stop X Annoying Behavior a lot of big channels have to go thru. anyway this is not what fandoms largely do but I've been spoiled before and where are the rest of you who do this. email me ever

[blueiight]

You're so right. the sex industry is lucrative and fast money. Since the Du Lacs were months from bankruptcy an honest business was not going to cut it. He even says that his little corner grocery stores weren't making enough. And I'll bet getting that kind of big money that fast while also being the token/pet black was addictive.

he needed to get rich fast cuz his family was also unaware of how close to bankruptcy they were. i wouldnt say he liked being the token black person more than he liked the power n psychosexual performance of controlling what these rich white men have sexual access to. “the product was desire” his modern self says. and he was the plug. re: his fixation on acquiring the fairplay salloon in ep1-2 is motivated by that & etc etc etc. ep1 when lestat is like “u made me buy a townhouse in the quarter” louis is like “i know men of my race look the same to u ppl but i aint sell u no house” & as soon as he becomes a vampire in ep2 he kills the assessor (?) for calling him a “good negro”. lestat is a french white man he knows little about here other than this guy has more things than me & hes feeling up on lily while staring at me. i wanna be him , kill him, and REDACTED by him. it unnerved him bc lestat was likening him to lily in that moment of sexual tension. translating lestat’s sentence, snarking at him off the jump, then being mesmerized by him not to put my ship goggles on [for a canon ship ik lol] is a rly gr8 way to set up the lxl dynamic n how louis operates. show louis is someone with sum i deem interpersonal racial pride. he interacts with his particular black classed community of his era n shows a perfectly respectable face in the eyes of the black church, his baby sister w the tickets up the garvey line, but everybody know where that money come from& r perfectly fine eating off its benefits. louis strategizing to get ahead at the expense of the black ‘collective’ outside of his immediate network. claudia would be someone outside of that as a poor black girl. shes the type of girl louis couldve .. well. lets just say, the fact that louis saved claudia in the midst of the race riot n losing his family , their shared tie of being made immortal by lestat & decades of living with lestat brought this temporary show of solidarity in the murder plot btwn lou+clauds that otherwise may have not have been there had claudia & louis met in a diff situation n show potential to go a lot of places in parts of s2 when lestat is out the picture. anyways. louis is not a self loathing black man n he hates being the token, but he was hardly a paragon of racial solidarity in s1. n he was always aware that his privileges were extremely conditional & dependent on how much of himself he was able to comparmentalize in situations where he did not have the upper hand and had to put aside his pride. what better to set up a certain kind of person whod favor eternal life, than a suicidal bougie boule opportunist of a black gay man whos aspects of himself all existed on different bookshelves.. who had to lie about his family’s financial condition to them, who tries to maintain this double life even with newly bestowed immortality. hes not grovelling at tom or fenwick’s feet, he plays the game to stay afloat but despises having to smile in their face. thats why when hes a vampire & the laws r discriminating against him hes so much more transparent in showing how he feels about them. all that pentup aggression he felt as the only black man in those rooms is the fuel for why he gored fenwick& ripped up toms jaw. i think 1x01 louis was actually at a breaking point but 1x02-beginning of 1x03 b4 the vampire starvation shit louis was rly feeling himself when the dough was rolling in. he has the fairplay salloon, he has lestat, he can ‘control’ what white people have sexual access to. but all that crumbles…

[bright-and-burning]

i would like to know more about american girl 🤲

this is an ideas-in-a-trench-coat wip BUT

girl logan. i wont lie this is a lot of me projecting my feelings abt being a woman in a male dominated field and being respected less bc of my background/accent/etc lol

basically logan is race car driver barbie jdkskfa im kidding but im also . not

like. i just think abt that interview where he said being an american in f1 he feels like an outsider. right.

anyways. totally not projecting here BUT. idk i think one defense mechanism in this situation is to be aggressively american and aggressively girl. like yeah logan'll call ppl mate. but it's in an american accent. yeah she's in this really masculine career but she's not gonna let you forget she's a girl. if that makes sense. long blonde hair etc.

but ALSO. the thesis of this is basically. "it would be so much easier if i just wasn't me. but i want to do it as me." you know?

dealing w the ways that that gets you Down when ur facing it day in and day out. and like the way expectations weigh on you . esp looking at like the difference btwn how she's treated vs like. how george was his rookie season, right, like hm. british man vs american woman i wonder

but essentially following the last year or whatever w/in this context. also logan does an american girl doll brand deal. this is Very Important To Me. bc everybody's always got their jokes abt her. abt american girl dolls (bc it's an easy almost-pun), abt barbie, etc. and she's like yeah well. let's lean into it.

so yeahhhhhh i dont even have plot really. just vague vibes and a concept and the knowledge that there is a race car driver american girl in this universe

[bongoishisnameo]

The new chapter was heart wrenching!! I teared up during the scene of Nat dying in Lotties arms, and Lotties freak out over hallucinating. You really got me I was so sure Lottie would believe her!! But the light heartedness of the chapter was brilliant - it was such a roller coaster!! Thank you for writing :))

What were your thoughts while writing the chapter? Anything you really hoped came across to the readers?

glad u liked it!! main thought was fuck them kids, quite honestly. but no rly it was escalating dread and failure—like the idea of having infinite chances and still being a fuckup is so at odds with itself, especially cuz life is already kinda /like that./second chances are literally borne of fuckups, so u can’t have one without the other but damn it feels bad!!

violence is also SUCH an important theme and a constant source of tension btwn nat and other people, a lot of this is true of my roller derby fic as well but I rly believe that violence between women, especially young women, is a whole different beast.

something I hoped to have come across was nat’s guilt/death complex and her relationship w her parents. the weird sort of debt ppl feel for their parents, whether they’re good or not, and the sort of debt that’s created by having a parent in such violent or intense conflict w the other, especially as an only child/a child that directly interferes. that sort of debt shapes people, and it also means the relationship between a kid and their parents gets rly fucking complicated! obviously her parents suck but there is real love there, at least at some point, and a sense of obligation on nat’s part which we see in the show as well.

idk. love is fucking hard, and often inconvenient. owing someone feels similar in its connective intensity, and ppl sometimes confuse one for the other