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let-it-raines · 5 years ago

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Catch Me If You Can (22/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: Everyone take a moment to check out the INCREDIBLE drawing that @carpedzem did that was inspired by this story. It can be found | Here | and deserves all of the likes and reblogs for bringing the Killian in this story to life!

Have a good weekend! ❤️

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @youraverageshipper

-/-

“You haven’t updated your Instagram account in weeks.”

Ariel says this as they sit in the hotel restaurant with their plates full of salad, grilled chicken, and rice. Killian’s been eating like shit lately, and as good as it feels in the moment, he can tell that it affects him and the way that he functions on a daily basis. So he’s been eating the same thing for every meal for the past week, but since they’re on the road where he doesn’t have constant access to a fridge and stove, he’s had to get a little creative in obtaining his food. Ariel is pretty much an expert at finding whatever it is that he wants when he wants it, and he cannot thank her enough for it.

Stabbing a piece of chicken, Killian lifts his fork to his mouth and takes a bite while he taps his passcode into his phone to see if Ariel’s statement is actually true. He really wouldn’t know, but it looks like he has several photos from the last few weeks on there.

“You can very clearly see all of these photos, A. Why are you so big on my social media presence lately?”

“These are all professional photos,” Ariel sighs, an emphasis on professional, and she pushes his phone back toward him. “You need more personal photos. You look like a baseball player.”

“I am a baseball player.”

She waves him away. “You know what I mean.”

Killian arches a brow and scoops up some of his rice. “I really don’t, love.”

Ariel rolls his eyes, and he settles a little further in his booth, his eyes glancing around to the people sitting around them in the restaurant. It’s not very crowded, just a few people here and there, but that’s par for the course considering it’s tentwo in the morningafternoon on a Wednesday. Not a lot of people are chilling in a hotel restaurant in Boston when there are approximately fifty-two other things they could be doing within a five-foot radius. And that’s only the tourists.

And he’s pretty sure that everyone in here can hear his conversation, is probably judging them for the particular subject of it, but he knows that no one cares.

He certainly doesn’t, but if A cares, he should for her.

“People like a little personality,” Ariel explains, ripping up a bit of her napkin. “I know we’ve talked about this before, Killian. You’ve got to show a little personality outside of baseball. I’m not saying put your diary on there, but post a picture with someone outside of baseball.” “Literally, everyone in my life is involved in baseball in some way.”

“Okay, true,” Ariel laughs. “It’s the same for me, so I get it. Still, though, think about it.”

Killian hums noncommittedly, pushing his rice around before looking up at Ariel and wondering why the hell she’s looking at him like she’s holding all of the secrets of the world in that mind of hers.

“Did you really ask to meet me because we needed to talk about my Instagram feed?”

“I mean, obviously not,” she huffs. “I had a few work things to talk about with you, but I’ve also missed you. I feel like it’s been so long since we all spent time together with you guys not in uniform. It’s got to have been months, and I miss it.”

His heart swells and breaks all at once while his head tilts to the side to look at Ariel, eyes glancing up and down over her as he studies her. “You okay, A?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ariel.”

“Killian.”

“Ariel, I am here to talk if you’re upset about something, and, literally, say the word and I will get all of us together to do something. We’re here for five days before we’re back in New York for a week. I know we’re in the crazy part of the season where it feels like we can’t breathe, but I promise there’s time for us all to spend time together.”

Her eyes glance down at her food, and she swishes her water around in the glass before taking a long, slow sip that he knows is to take up time.

“I really am fine,” she promises. “I’m just a little stressed with it all, and I feel like I need some time with all of you guys and Belle and, um, Emma too. I’m trying to make contract negotiations for Eric, which has involved us talking about a lot of future stuff that I wasn’t quite ready to talk about yet.”

“Babies?”

“Ding, ding, ding,” she laughs, even if it’s kind of pathetic. “I mean, I want kids. I do. I want them with Eric especially.”

“Well, I’d be a little concerned if you didn’t want them with your husband.”

She flicks a piece of lettuce at him. “Shut up.”

“Never.”

“Why do I love you?”

“I literally have no idea,” Killian teases, reaching over the table to grab Ariel’s hand so that he can squeeze it to reassure her. “Go on, A. I’m listening.”

“I just – it’s hard, you know? Obviously, Eric and I are financially secure right now, but you can’t plan life when that’s exactly what we’re trying to do. Because what happens if Eric gets traded somewhere else? We have to uproot everything, and having kids will complicate that. And we have to have a plan for Eric after he retires. Like, I have a pretty nice job because of all of you, but he’s going to need to have something to do. It’s just…it’s a lot on my plate when I’m already balancing so much. I mean, haven’t you thought about all of that?”

Damn.

Like, damn.

No, he hasn’t thought of any of that. Not at all. Well, that’s a lie, but it’s a small lie, a white one really. When he was out after the accident, his future was always on his mind, but it was never any concrete thoughts. It was always depressing ones about him never being able to play again, about him having no discernable skills outside of a sport, and about him wondering if he was going to fall into women and bars once more simply because things weren’t going his way. It was never a concrete answer about what he’s legitimately going to do after baseball. Money isn’t really his concern as long as he handles it all correctly, but how will he spend his days? What will he be passionate about?

Is Emma going to be by his side through all of it?

Woah.

Okay.

That’s not at all where he thought his mind was headed, but his brain apparently had a much different roadmap than he thought. Killian loves Emma, undoubtedly, and he does want his future to involve her, but it’s like Ariel said…they can’t plan life.

And he doesn’t know what Emma’s plans are.

Realistically, too, Killian isn’t exactly sure what he wants out of life, and he already knows that he most likely won’t have a career as long as a lot of other guys in the league. They haven’t had broken arms and rotator cuff tears that still bother him like he has.

Fuck.

This is not how his morning is supposed to be going, and the way that his heart is hammering in his chest is far worse now than it will ever be when he gets out on the mound tonight.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Killian squeezes Ariel’s hand again. “It’s hard to think about, A, but you guys will figure it out. I don’t think life can ever really be planned. I sure as hell have planned none of mine, and if I didn’t have you, I think it’d be a much bigger mess.”

Ariel’s cheeks flame up to be the same color of her hair, but she smiles at him anyways. “You’re right. You would be a mess without me and everyone else. I am the glue that holds you together.”

“You and a couple other people which means you are all very weak glue to need that many people to hold me together or I’m just that resistant.”

“The second option.”

“You’re going to be okay, A. You and Eric are solid. And if or when you do have that baby, no matter what city you’re in, I’m going to be there to be that kid’s favorite person in the world.”

“Please,” Ariel laughs even as water fills her eyes, “no one could ever compare to me. I’m definitely going to be my kid’s favorite person.”

“Whatever you have to say to make yourself sleep at night.”

-/-

Killian gets booed when he steps out onto the field, and he can’t imagine a more fitting welcome in Boston since that is what usually happens.

But then it continues past that first moment.

And he very much deserves it for how he’s pitching, though that booing is probably from the Yankees fans and not Boston natives. His arm is stiff, a bit of pain running through it, and he’s too stubborn to ask to be relieved early or to admit that he’s in pain. He tries to convince himself that it’s all exaggerated, that he’s simply been in a negative headspace all day since eating lunch with Ariel and all of the heaviness that was in that conversation, but he knows that it’s not exaggerated. Killian knows that his shoulder is bothering him, his mind is bothering him, and nothing is going to get him out of this foul mood.

Especially not when Al pulls him after the third inning once again and yells at him to get his shit together. Will does too, and even if it’s in his joking tone, Killian doesn’t take it that way. He doesn’t take any of it as a joke.

Who the hell cares about what he’s going to do after baseball if he can’t even figure out what he’s doing right now?

And in all of his anger, in all of his frustration at himself and at his team, the thing he hates himself for the most is brushing off Emma when she asks for an interview. He mutters a no under his breath and keeps walking down the hallway back to the locker room so that he can take a shower and get a massage.

She’s the woman who he loves more than anything or anyone else, which he didn’t even realize until right now, and he just blew her off when she was simply trying to do her job.

He’s such an asshole.

They lose 3-17.

-/-

Elsa: Are you okay?

Elsa: Killian.

Elsa: I know you’ve checked your phone. The game ended three hours ago. Five hours ago for you.

Elsa: I’m going to start calling you and won’t stop if you don’t text me back within the next five minutes.

Killian sighs and rolls over on his hotel mattress, phone still in hand, and sends Elsa a text back because he really does not want to talk on the phone right now.

Killian: Yes, Els?

He expects the bubbles to pop up to tell him that she’s texting back, but they don’t. Instead her face pops up, a picture of she and the girls from Christmas last year, and he wonders if she was ever not going to call him. The answer is most definitely no since he’s been ignoring her – and everyone else – all evening. Eventually someone was going to call him out on his shit.

Sighing again, he hits answer and presses the speaker button as Elsa’s voice comes through the phone.

“Why are you ignoring everyone?”

“I’m talking to you.”

“Only because I just promised to harass you until you did. Seriously, Killian. Your brother and I have been calling you all afternoon, and you’ve ignored us. And when I texted Emma, she said that you were ignoring her too.”

“Bloody hell,” Killian grumbles aloud, sitting up in bed and moving his arm so that he’s not pressing down on it so as to agitate it more. “You texted Emma?”

“Um, yeah?” Elsa questions, the hesitation obvious in her voice. “She’s your girlfriend. She was at the game. I kind of figured she was with you, but apparently the two of you haven’t talked either. What the hell is wrong with you that you’re not even talking to Emma?”

Well, he’s an asshole for one. He’s also never told Emma about his shoulder injury and the full extent of the accident. He doesn’t want to. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but he doesn’t want Emma to know about it. Not now. As irrational as he knows that it is, she might think less of him. And maybe just maybe, if he doesn’t tell more people, the problem will somehow go away.

This is all becoming more irrational by the second, but it’s fine. Everything is going to be fine. That was such a dark place in his life, one he doesn’t want to keep repeating and reliving even if Emma already knows parts of it, and he has no idea how he’d even talk to her right now since she’s very obviously, and rightfully so, pissed at him.

It’s all so easy to mess everything up in the blink of an eye.

“She’s likely pissed at me since I brushed her off for an interview. I didn’t even say hi or smile at her or find her afterwards. So, I didn’t text her, and she hasn’t texted me. I don’t know…she’s upset with me, right?”

“She’s concerned about you,” Elsa breathes out, and from the lack of noise around her, Killian imagines that she must have locked herself in the study so that no one bothers her. “Killian, Emma loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that, and you guys are a team. Granted, you’re a brand new team, but you’re a team. You have to work together and share stuff like this.”

“I know that, Els.”

“Then why isn’t she with you right now?”

“Because my shoulder feels like shit today, and she doesn’t know anything about the accident besides the broken bone.”

Silence fills the air around him after he says the words, and it’s exacerbated by the fact that Elsa isn’t saying anything on the other line. The only sounds are the sounds of his television playing some kind of celebrity gossip show. How out of touch is he if he doesn’t even know the name of the show?

Why would it even matter to him?

“Killian,” Elsa whispers, and he’s so damn tired of hearing people say his name in sympathy today, “you haven’t told her?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I haven’t told anyone else, Els. Eight people on this earth know about it, and I don’t even know how I would tell her. I don’t want her to look at me out of pity. I don’t…my life has had some pretty shitty periods, and that was one of them. Emma didn’t honestly know me then. She didn’t know how fucked up that I was, and even if I’ve told her about Milah and all of the women after Milah and – I’ve told her a lot, and at some point, she’s going to flip out on how messed up I am.”

“First of all,” she starts, not even allowing him to take a breath or truly think about everything that he just said, “you are not messed up. You, even with all of your privileges now, have had some really hard times in your life. You lost your mom at a really young age and had a pretty shitty dad who took advantage of you and your talents. And then you had a really big love kind of blow up in your face, as well as everything that came after that, and just as you were getting over that, the accident happened.”

“It’s even more depressing if you say it all in a list like that.”

“But,” Elsa continues, “you got through all of that. Are you still struggling with it? Absolutely. But it hasn’t kept you from continuing to live your dream even though things are frustrating. It hasn’t kept you from finding a really great girl in Emma. You’re okay, you know that? And we all love you so much that I don’t think I can even express it with words.”

Killian smiles to himself and twists in his bed, a bit of water coating his eyes, but he blinks the tears away and runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. “I love you guys too.”

“Good. Now text your girlfriend and think about telling her some of this stuff that you’re carrying around on your shoulders.”

“Is that supposed to be a joke?”

“A little.”

“You have no shame.”

“I know. Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Will do.”

The line goes silent, for real this time, and Killian slams his eyes shut simply so he can have a moment to breathe. Today has been a lot for him, and he knows that Elsa is right about everything. He does. But he’s not quite ready to be that open with Emma. He will be. He does actually want her to know about everything even if he thinks it’ll make her run for the hills, but he’s not ready. And he tells himself that it’s fine. Emma has her own hang-ups, her own past, and not everything has to be shared right away.

They have time.

And his arm may very well start feeling better soon, and his freak out will all be for naught.

Killian: Can I come up to your room?

Emma: Ruby and Graham are in here.

Killian: I don’t care if you don’t.

Emma: 514.

Rolling off the bed, Killian bends down to his suitcase to grab a shirt, not caring which one, and tugs it down on over his head and shoulders before grabbing his phone and wallet to walk up to Emma’s room. He’s not even wearing any shoes, just socks, but he doesn’t notice this until he’s looking around the hallway to make sure no one is around and then quietly knocking on the door.

Graham opens it, a smile on his face, and for some reason it makes Killian think that maybe Emma isn’t as pissed at him as his mind has convinced himself that she is.

“Hey, come on in,” Graham says, opening the door a little wider and letting Killian inside. “I’m sorry about the game.”

“I’m sorry that you used vacation days to see us all play like shit.”

“Yeah, well,” Graham laughs, “at least I’m not at work.”

“This is true.”

Killian takes another step in the room and sees Emma sitting on her bed dressed in a pair of shorts and his old Vandy sweatshirt. He’s going to have to get something else because she’s going to wear that thing until it is nothing but threads. Ruby is sitting next to her, laptops on both of their laps, and he imagines that they’re simply working. Or, at least, he hopes.

“Hey,” Killian greets, crossing his arms over his chest.

Emma looks up at him, a slight smile on her face, and his chest practically heaves. They’re not even in a fight. Why does he feel like they are?

“Hey,” she says. “I’ve got to finish up this article, okay? And I have a little bit of prep work to do for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, Swan, that’s fine.”

“It’s only going to take her thirty minutes,” Ruby starts, slamming her laptop shut, “and then she’s going to yell at you for how pissed she is at you for completely ignoring her today.”

“Hey,” Emma gasps, reaching her hand back to slap Ruby, “you weren’t supposed to say anything.”

“Well, I knew you weren’t going to.”

“I was.”

“You’re a liar.”

“I was going to talk to him.”

“No, no you weren’t. You two are ridiculous. It’s not that hard to talk to each other.”

“Sweetheart,” Graham sighs, tilting his head to the side, “why don’t you let them deal with their issues on their own? I think they can handle it.”

“You know Emma almost as well as I do, so you know that’s not true.”

“Oh my God,” Emma groans, sinking down further on the bed, “this is why I should have left the two of you in New York.”

“Technically,” Ruby laughs, “David sent me because this is a big game, and he didn’t want you to produce on your own.”

“Yeah, well, I should have convinced him to let you stay, and then we definitely could have left Graham behind.”

“Hey,” Graham scoffs, and Kilian can’t help but laugh. He’s only spent a little bit of time with the three of them all together, but they obviously get along great. Ruby is definitely an acquired taste, but Graham kind of evens things out. “I am on vacation. I don’t need to be berated.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Emma huffs, rubbing the palms of her heels under her eyes. “I’m just a little stressed.”

“Do you want me to go get you a cup of coffee, love?”

Emma glances over to him and shakes her head from side to side. “No. I’ve had enough caffeine today. Thank you, though.”

Silence falls between all of them, only the hum of the air-conditioning remaining, but Killian’s gaze stays on Emma even when she goes back to typing on her laptop.

“Ruby, let’s go out to dinner,” Graham suggests, walking over to the bed and beginning to pack up her stuff. “We’ll all have to do something together tomorrow night, yeah?”

“That sounds great, Graham,” Emma promises. “There’s a seafood place down by the harbor that I want to go to.”

Killian watches as Ruby and Graham collect their things and leave, saying their goodbyes to both he and Emma, and it’s not awkward until the hotel door slams shut behind them and he’s left with just Emma.

When was the last time he felt awkward around Emma?

Probably during his interview back in March. That was a lifetime ago.

“I had a shitty day,” Killian blurts out, walking over to the desk that’s next to Emma’s bed and sitting down on the edge of it so that he’s not talking to her from across the room. “That’s not an excuse. God, love,” he huffs, running his hands through his hair, “I know that’s not an excuse, but it’s mine. I’m sorry that I brushed you off, that I barely acknowledged you at the stadium, and that I didn’t text you while I’m here.”

Emma’s nails clack against the keyboard, and he swears every letter is being burned into his skin for how anxious he feels until she’s closing her laptop and placing it next to her on the bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees.

“Why have you had a shitty day? Just because you played poorly? Because I’ve seen you play poorly before, and it’s never resulted in you ignoring me while I’m trying to do my job. I get that reporters suck and that you have to talk to a million of them. And I don’t expect special treatment because I’m your girlfriend, but you can’t just brush me off like that and then basically be a ghost for hours after that. I mean, you weren’t even answering your family’s calls, Killian.”

How is he a functioning human being? How? How does he even have people who love him?

Killian’s got answers to all of her questions, to every single one, but he doesn’t know how to say them without talking about his arm and that’s…that’s not going to happen today when he needs more time to accept it all himself.

Emma will understand. When the time comes, she will.

“I’m an asshole, Swan. I am. I know you probably think I’m great with expressing my emotions because I usually am with you, but sometimes I still struggle with it. I had a day where nothing seemed to go right, and instead of seeking out the help of people who care about me, I isolated myself. It’s not right. I know it’s not, but it’s a pattern that I fall back into time and time again.”

Green eyes glance over him, studying him, and he feels her everywhere, like she’s able to peer deep into his soul and see all of the things he’s hiding from her.

Or the one thing.

It’s just one thing

And it can’t be that big of a deal. It’s not. He’ll tell her. Later. Tonight is not the right time.

“You’re not an asshole,” Emma sighs, flattening her lips. “I know I call you an ass all of the time, but I don’t mean it. I just – you had a bad day. I get that. I have bad days all the time, but, and at least I think I’m right about this even though Neal and Walsh never did this with me, when you have a shitty day, you’re supposed to share it with me, come to me, lean on me. If you need time to yourself, fine. Take it. That’s probably a good thing, but I don’t want to do this if every time things don’t go your way I’m pushed away.”

“Did you rehearse that?”

“Does it sound like it?”

“A little bit,” Killian chuckles as he scratches behind his ear. “If only because everything you just told me not to do is everything that I know you have a history of doing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a hypocrite.” Emma lets her legs fall against the mattress before standing up and stepping into his space so that she’s standing between his thighs with her hands on his shoulders, nails curling into his t-shirt. “Obviously, we both have our own issues, but let’s try to be better, yeah? And if all else fails when it comes to talking, I’m a really good person to eat junk food with and possibly get a little drunk even if those are terrible coping mechanisms.”

He huffs, his hands finding her hips so that he can tug her closer. “I’m on a diet, actually.”

Emma’s nose scrunches up in that way that he loves before she’s dipping her head down and softly, thoroughly moving her lips over his in the way that he’s been craving all day. He hasn’t seen her today, only those few seconds after he got pulled out of the game, and he had no idea just how much he missed being able to feel her against him, to be able to smell the scent of her shampoo, until right at this moment.

“I know,” she says when they pull back from each other even if he doesn’t let his grip on her hips go. “We’ve been eating like crap lately.”

“I’m trying to rectify that. I know you are too.”

“Actually, Ruby and I signed up for another Pilates class at home, so I’ve been working my ass off to still eat my onion rings. Literally.”

“Oh, don’t do that.” Killian moves his hand back to squeeze her ass, reveling in the way that Emma rolls her eyes. “I like this ass too much.”

“Well, consider it some kind of punishment for being a broody ass today if my butt happens to get smaller.” She smiles at him before kissing his forehead in a move so gentle that he wonders how in the world this woman has so many wonderful facets. “Now, do me a favor and find something to watch while I finish up my assignment, okay? I have to talk about everything you guys did wrong today.”

“Just punch me in the gut why don’t you.”

“I try. C’mon, twenty-nine. I think we both deserve a relaxing night.”

“Yeah, Swan, me too.”

They don’t get drunk and eat junk food, but once Emma finishes her work a little under twenty minutes later, she turns her laptop off as well as turning off the hotel room lights, and crawls under the covers with him so that her feet are tucked into his calves. Killian loves that she does that, that she feels comfortable doing that, and it brings him comfort even if her feet are far too cold. Seriously, it’s like she sticks them in the freezer before she gets in bed.

As if that would be possible.

Emma absentmindedly playing with his chain and his mother’s ring is something he’s also grown used to recently, something that brings him peace, and Killian continues to trace words of affection into the skin of her back as the night goes on. They don’t talk much, just a few exchanges of words about Emma’s day, her plans and schedule for tomorrow, and she drags just that little bit more information out of him. It’s still not everything, was never going to be everything, but it’s a start.

And his shoulder doesn’t bother him nearly as badly when Emma is sitting beneath it with her head on his chest laughing at his truly terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. He’s usually much better with accents, but this one is apparently too much for Emma to handle.

Weirdly, though, or maybe not so much, all of his concerns that sparked after his conversation with Ariel this afternoon fade away with each passing second. Killian’s got no clue what’s going to happen or if things are going to work out, but at the end of the day, all he wants is for Emma to laugh with him and kiss his collarbone before she falls asleep.

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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morphituu · 6 years ago

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Bell Peppers Ch. 15

“Calamity”

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He winced, not nearly as bad as before when his arms rose, yet the iron in his weak hand trembled nonetheless. Her own flew up to steady the weights, but he shook his head, pulling in deep breaths.

“This is too soon,”

He shook his head again, slowly straightening his arms. A long groan, and Callie supported his elbows.

“Nick,”

“S’fine,” he forced, but nevertheless dropped his arms, his head falling back as he exhaled forcefully.

“You’re supposed to do your breathing exercises,” she implored, struggling herself to carry the weights away. He snorted, lacing his fingers atop his head.

“I got all squishy, I need to bulk back up,” he groused, but now she snorted.

“These ain’t no marshmallows,” she smiled, patting his bicep. “You still have 2 weeks to ‘bulk up’, so be kind to your body, please?”

He shrugged, extending his neck to kiss her sweetly when she leaned against him with a hold on his hips.

“Okay c’mon,” she kissed him once more, stepping back. “Arms up,”

With a stubborn groan, he flexed his biceps, bringing his elbows in and out in sync with deep breaths as she did.

“Hurt as much?”

“Nah, haven’t needed the ice packs in a couple days too,” he grunted, lifting his hands and curling over sideways. It was true- the past week had been kinder to him. Sleeping was easier, even sitting, and gradually he’d found himself needing his pain meds less and less.

“Can you snarl again?” she giggled, baring her blunt teeth in exaggerated fashion so he would, but his split lip didn’t sting any longer. The stitches had done their job, and now pink scars across his lips, high cheek and brow were his daily reminder.

Nick’s arms hung off her shoulders when she stepped towards him, applying the slightest amount of pressure against his ribs on either side while he took deep breaths, in and out.

“Y’know if you don’t feel up to going back-”

“We still have 2 weeks,” he kindly interrupted, earning a stubborn purse of her lips when she looked up. “I’ll be good to go by then,”

“Until some jackass swings or rushes you,”

“I’ll swing back,”

“What if you can’t?”

He stopped, his wrists crossing behind her so she’d move that much closer. She wasn’t moving, but it wouldn’t be long until she was chewing her lip or bouncing her heel, and that’s when the anxiety would flow instead of trickle.

“Take a breath,” he told her, placing a lingering kiss on her temple when she looked away, respiring. “I won’t go right back into the heavy stuff, baby,” he kissed her cheek. “Keep breathing,”

Callie nodded, blinking past the constricting of her chest she could feel behind her eyes, and at last melted against him. Nick embraced her, swaying gently, hoping to eradicate this attack before it even peaked.

“It’s been happening more lately,” he said against her hair, but she only groaned.

“I don’t want anything else to happen to you,”

“Nothing will,” he consoled, leaning back to study her eyes. Worried, but otherwise clear; she avoided this one. He kissed her, squeezing her shoulders beneath his hold when she whimpered. “Nothing else is gonna happen,” he added.

Yet there was still dissatisfaction on her face before she said, “What about him?”

“Fogteeth-”

“You need to tell the police, Nick,”

Before he could turn from her, she held tight, leaning over when he looked away. “You have to at least give someone a heads up that their own officer is a suspect!”

“And who do you think they’d believe?”

“You don’t know until you try,”

But when he opened his mouth to protest, she held a finger against her own lips, silencing him. “And I know- I remember: I don’t know the full scope of your past experience as an Orc,” she started, and he calmed, resting his hands on his narrow hips. “But this is an exception, Nick. You have to at least give Ward notice. He might know how to handle something like this,”

“Please?” she asked again, leaning far back to keep eye contact when he craned to pull her into a hug again.

“Only to Ward for now,” he agreed, chuffing happily when she curled her arms around his neck. He could hear the faintest of a ‘thank fucking god’ muffled between her shoulder and his jaw, stirring a throaty chuckle from him. “Have so little faith in me?”

“If you weren’t so stubborn,” she sighed. “Thank you.”

Above all, he agreed for her peace of mind; whatever it took to keep her from falling into that dark pit that had recently become her common hangout. As the days drew nearer to his return to work, the worse it became, always telling him how deeply she worried for him.

A piercing ring of his phone from inside caused a low rumble in his chest, and he reluctantly detached from her with a final kiss upon her cheek. He wobbled away, waving his hand back when she insisted he grab the cane and found his phone vibrating against the tables surface.

“Uh oh,” he mumbled to himself. “Hey Ma,”

“Yah, hey Ma, like you keep up with your own parents enough to act all casual,” his mother derided, her heavy accent making him snort away from the phone before he’d take her seriously.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, still grinning.

“But will you start keeping in contact? Ah, who knows! Where’ve you been, my boy?”

“I’ve been home, resting,” he sighed, nodding when Callie gestured to the kitchen as she walked by.

“And in all this time you couldn’t call me or your father? Not even your auntie?” She was really playing it up now, but he knew below the dramatic teasing, she was pissed he hadn’t kept in better contact.

“You could call too, y’know,” he grumbled, following Callie when she held up two options for dinner.

“Do you need me to send screenshots of all the unanswered calls, boy?”

He snorted. “No, it’s fine-”

“Why are you in such a good mood?”

He stuttered a bit, leaning against the counter. “Feeling better,”

“Uh-huh, and who’s been helping you then?”

Nick paused, watching Callie grab various items from the fridge and tug on his hand when she needed his height up from the top shelf above the fridge. He pinched her hip playfully after she shoved him half-heartedly, giggling when he pulled her back to mouth her cheek.

“A friend, Ma,” he lied, but he heard her blow a raspberry.

“What’s her name then?” Dinara asked, and he could just see her arms crossing, and that all-knowing look that made him feel 10 years old again.

Nick sighed; no use hiding her now. “Callie,”

Cal spun, cocking a brow, but he knew the gears were rotating in both the women's heads. The silence from the other end of the line was unnerving.

“Callie?”

“Mhm,”

Another brief silence. “Nick,” Dinara said, flatly, and he tensed.

“Mhm?”

“Is she…?”

He swallowed. “Yep,”

“Human!? She’s human?”

Before he could even get anything out, a male voice started to butt it’s way into the conversation alongside hissed curses as Nick’s father finagled the phone from his wifes grasp.

“Nick? Nick, she’s human? How did you manage?” Oleg asked, laughing. Knowing his dad, he was probably holding back on the questions he really wanted to ask: how much easier are humans than Orcs?

“Shut up, Oleg- give it- go, back off. Nick, how long? How long have you known her?” Dinara came back in, but now Nick had moved from the kitchen, pointing to his knee when Callie raised her hands in question.

“Nine-ish months?” he pondered, sitting at his table with a hard exhale.

“That long- why haven’t we met her?”

“Look how you just reacted,” he mumbled, and he was sure his mothers jaw slammed shut.

Another beat of silence. “You haven’t always had the best relationship with humans, my boy,” she sighed.

“This one is different,” he told her, his eyes following Callie. “I’m sure she’s not entirely human, sometimes- she’s too perfect,”

“Is that so?” She asked, kinder, and he only gave her a little ‘mhm’. “How’s that?”

He leaned onto an elbow, pondering a moment. “She’s never treated me like I was an Orc, like- I don’t feel like an outcast around her. I can’t put it into good words, Ma- she’s just… she’s just my girl,” he finished, feeling foolish for being unable to explain just why he was so endlessly in love with Callie, but also knew a great majority of that was their long talks, and the way she looked and touched him, and finished his life before he’d even planned it out thus far.

“Oh Nick, you fell hard for this one?” Dinara asked lovingly.

“She is the one, Ma,” he grinned when Callie cracked a goofy smile after handing him a few of the chicharrones she’d just finished frying, alongside an ice-pack she tossed on the table. He kissed her hand before she stepped away, earning another smile. “Come meet her,”

“Oh- really? Really?” Dinara squeaked. “He wants us to meet his human girlfriend,” she said away from the phone, and his dad answered with something unintelligible, the two of them carrying on a conversation of their own.

Nick continued to watch Callie dance around his kitchen, stumbling here and there- she was still a bit shaky from earlier, but even without normal grace, she was a moving piece of art.

“When can we go over?” She asked.

↠

“Okay- ah okay okay,” he exhaled, his stomach tensing with every swipe of her tongue over his sensitive head. She finally slid back, her lips gliding over the velvet skin of his shaft and placing a sweet kiss on his relaxed dick before swallowing the last of his load.

He was lifeless against the mattress, panting, a toothy grin on his face. He summoned enough energy to look up at her, but groaned, watching a seldom trail of semen that had trailed down her chin and under her jaw start to makes it way down her neck.

Holy fucking shit fuck- “On your chin,” he pointed, rolling before he stared for too long and got going all over again.

Callie left with a giggle to the bathroom, leaving him deflated, but otherwise entirely content. He stretched pleasantly, his joints popping and his leg shaking, finally stilling across the cool sheets with a long chuff.

“You okay?” she asked, leaning naked in the doorway and throwing back a small cup of mouthwash.

“Still bitter?” he frowned, cracking an eye open. She shrugged, weighing her hands before wandering away again. He heard her spit before she called, “It’s not that bad- you know me,”

He hmm-ed, moving his arms around like he was making an angel in the snow.

But with the approach of light footsteps came the soft impression on the bed beside him, and then Callie leaning over to place soft kisses across his jaw, resting on her elbows beside his head. “Your turn,” she smiled, purposely sitting down against his hand.

He chuckled, but looked at her, reaching to hold her face.

Her brows furrowed, her lips pursing. “What?”

“You know I was on the phone with parents earlier?” he asked, and she nodded. “They wanna meet you,”

Callie sat up, alarm ringing in her eyes. “They do?”

He nodded, resting his hands under his head. “They do,”

“Do they know about what happened with us?”

“Nope,”

“Why?”

“What’s the point? It’d only make things tense,” he reasoned, and she nodded indifferently.

“When?” she asked.

“Saturday, here. Told them I’d cook,”

She exhaled, pushing her hair back. He grinned; he always enjoyed seeing her face so clearly, even if she was worrying her lip nervously.

“They’re gonna like you,” he buoyed, snatching her hand to kiss her fingers.

“Says the one who told me how vicious your mother was when she met your other girlfriends,” she whined.

“You’re different,”

“Oh yeah?” How?”

Nick sat up, inclining close to her, and kissing her sweetly once before saying, “I didn’t plan to marry any of those other girls,”

It didn’t register right away, but when it did, he saw the gravity of his words flicker across her face. First it was a loose smile, then the furrowed brows, them pure confusion, all making him smirk.

“What?” she croaked.

“You heard me,”

She situated better, scooting ever so slightly closer on her knees. “How’re you so confident after everything that’s happened? You never once thought we were hopeless?”

“Sure, but I never stopped feeling it. No matter what I did. It’s been the same since I first saw you. Hit me like a bullet to the heart,” he explained, witnessing the glaze move over her eyes.

“Wh-” she cleared her throat when her voice cracked severely, moving her hair behind her ears. “Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Cause of the shit you’ll get for wanting to be with someone like me,”

He blew air. “I don’t give a fuck what anyone says, even if it’s our families. And it doesn’t have to be soon, hell it can be on our deathbeds, but no matter what, I’m gonna marry you one day Callie. Even if we’ve only known each other so briefly, and some of it was apart, I can’t fathom a life without you,”

She blinked away the moisture in her eyes. “You’re so sure you wanna spend that long with me?”

“Are you asking me, or yourself?” he questioned, leaning on a hand closer to her. “If you don’t want to spend that long with me, it’s okay-”

“I’m asking you. I know what I want- but do you?” she asked softly.

He kissed her again, resting his forehead against hers. “I want forever with you. Everything about you-”

“My anxiety?”

“Callie-”

“I can never give you a family,” she grieved, but he hushed her, kissing her silent.

“Anything, everything, always. You can’t scare me away,” he laughed, and so did she, but the restlessness of her heart was still rampant. “But first, you gotta meet my parents,”

She frowned. “Is this how you felt?”

“You’re probably feeling worse, honestly,”

Her ankle was wiggling beneath her bottom. “If they end up hating me I’m so sorry,”

“They won’t. If they do, still can't get rid of me,” he muffled against her neck, sitting forward onto his good knuckles.

Her hands guided his face back to hers, audibly sighing when she kissed him. He moved the fringe from her face, his wide palms holding her head as she showered him with smooches.

“Can we get dogs after we're married?” she asked, and he snorted again, nodding against her kiss.

“Pitbulls,” they said in unison. Some light giggling, the soft smacking of their kisses as he started to push her back, her arms snaking around his neck as she pulled her legs from under him and spread her knees to his sides. This was pure- smothered beneath his big body, touching every sturdy strand of muscle beneath his rough skin that rubbed against hers.

“Mm,” he breathed against her skin, moving down. “You smell good,” he bit her ribs gently, making her squirm. “Like really good,”

“Oh yeah?” she sighed, her waist raising when his cheek scraped down her stomach, lithe fingers fisting in the sheets above her head.

“So good.” he growled, his body snaking down between her legs, maneuvering his broad shoulders until her spread thighs were pushed closer to her chest, and he could worship her soaked core, listening intently to the way she cried his name.

“Nick go-” she giggled, pushing him away. “Daryl’s right there!”

“Two minutes,” he growled against her cheek, his arms around her preventing any escape.

“No,” a chaste kiss on his lips. “Go, get out, go!”

Nick grumbled, his face souring as he unwound from her reluctantly, his arms still heavy at her sides. “Are you starting soon?”

“Maybe- is that why you’re so hot to trot lately?” she exclaimed.

“Well duh, you just smell so… fertile,”

Callie laughed out, finally getting him off and turning his shoulders towards the door with a smack on his ass. “Take the cane,”

“Nope,”

“Take it,”

“Nope,”

“Nick-”

“I’ll see you later,” he called, opening the door to find Daryl waiting with his hands in his pockets, staring at the Orcs scattered about the street in their cars.

“Hey partner,” Nick chimed, trying to squeeze his way out as Callie walked at him with the cane.

“Why are there so many 'round here?” Ward asked, holding the door.

“Let's get going-”

“Cane,” Callie snapped, shoving it at him. Ward smirked watching Nick buckle and grab it, glaring at her before a final kiss.

“How you doing Daryl?” she asked, stepping out for a quick hug and peck on the cheek.

“Good as I can be,”

“Yeah, how’s your wife?” she asked through a forced smile, earning a small push from Nick.

“Still hates you,” he quirked back. “Your boy have all his pills?”

“Oh yeah- make sure he doesn’t ‘accidentally’ forget the cane, yeah?”

Nick shot her a final narrow glare, chuffing playfully as the two officers walked from the house. Surely he didn’t need the assistance anymore; there wasn’t even much of a limp left, but the extra help couldn’t hurt. Anything to have him as close to normal by the time his recovery was up. She knew there was no way his captain would approve any additional time off if needed.

“Got your lil mama back in the home, huh?” Ward smiled coyly, and although Nick chose to shrug, he caught the Orcs puffed chest and hidden smirk.

“Yeah,” he finally said, sitting in his sedan.

“So where to, blue boy?” Ward asked, pulling onto the street.

“Hanks? Same spot?”

“Dunno, is it secluded enough to share this urgent information that couldn’t wait?”

Nick rolled his eyes. “Those were Callie’s words,”

“Were they true though?” he eyed Nick, who in turn was messing with the cane between his knees.

“Yeah, more or less.”

“Okay,” Ward exhaled, setting his half eaten sandwich aside and ready to also set aside their small talk that Nick had kept up the duration of the car ride and visit to the regular lunch hangout. “What’re we doing here?”

Over the weeks, Nick and Callie had started to pick up on each others nervous tics. She would sometimes run her tongue over her bottom teeth as if she had filed tusks, and now his knee was bouncing.

“That prick we work with- Gerrald?” Nick started.

“What about him?”

“I think he did it,”

“Did it… did it? Him?” Ward intoned, leaning forward onto his elbows.

Nick nodded. “He’s always had an issue with me, but I think he wants to get his hands on Callie,”

“How’d you come to that?”

“You’ve heard the shit he said, left in my locker- spread around the station? ‘Nd bout a week ago Callie picked up a shift at Two Hands-” he waved off Ward’s surprised gaze. “She said he was there, had bought out a private dance with her and cornered her saying shit about how she used to be his favorite girl, some shit about old times,”

“Just from that?” Ward questioned.

“He’s always had his eyes on her, all this time. I wondered why he fuckin’ picked and bugged when Callie first showed up at the station, and I think that’s why. He could’ve been planning this for years but didn’t have the momentum until I came into the picture,” he groaned, running his hand over his head.

Ward pondered, the pieces almost audibly clicking together in his head. “The shit the attacker said to you,”

“Sound familiar?”

They both leaned back in their seats, but Ward held his own chin, shaking his head. “Gerrald dipped,”

Nick blinked. “What?”

“Bastards been MIA for a few days now. Heig called his wife and she doesn’t know where he bounced off to. There’s a warrant out for his arrest, too,”

“What?”

Ward nodded. “Took off with a few shotguns and ammo from the kit room, but we can’t find him anywhere,”

“Shotguns?” Nick hissed, and Ward nodded.

“I think it’s worth telling Heig,”

Nick shook his head. “We can’t,”

“Look I know the shit you put up with-”

“I have Fogteeth involved,” Nick mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose with his eyes pinched shut. “You have three behind you,”

Daryl didn’t move, no matter how severely tempted he was to turn and glare, but instead, the full front of his silent fury hit Nick. There was that vein that bulged along his temple, and when he talked-

“How involved?” He said through grit teeth, his outward appearance otherwise calm.

She shielded her eyes against the winter sun once the mugs were set down, and searched the numerous cars parked along the street for a familiar face. But when she finally found him sat in his car, just like every other day, she whistled loudly. Matuk turned, pulling an ear bud out, and nodding when she waved him over.

Callie pulled the jacket tighter around her waist as she sat, cradling her own mug close to her chest. Another storm was moving it’s way over LA, with strong gusts rattling the screen roll that usually hung before Nick’s porch. With it up, she could always survey from a window inside, and had come to recognize all of the cars the Fogteeth used, and of course Matuk’s SUV.

“Hey cutie,” she played, but he moved past her into the other seat, grabbing the hot mug. “Figured you got tired of sitting in the car,”

He shrugged. “If I could nap it wouldn’t be so bad,” he mumbled, sipping the creamy tea.

“Can’t switch shifts?” she inquired, her feet raising to rest on the beams.

“Nope,”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, her nails drumming against the ceramic mug. He shrugged again.

“At least there’s compensation,”

“Money in being Fogteeth?”

“Sometimes,”

She nodded. “Maybe I should join,” Now he laughed, and she cocked a brow. “I could do it,”

“If you sprouted tusks maybe,” he chuckled, his hoarse voice the lightest she’d heard yet.

“And I gained about 100 pounds worth'a muscle?”

He nodded, situating deeper into the seat. Callie watched him, seemingly moving effortlessly despite his impressive size. She was sure he could crush the mug that looked minute in his hand easily if he chose.

“How old are you?” she asked then, and he eyed her. “Im just curious- Nick always refers to you as ‘the kid’,”

Matuk rolled his eyes. “Seventeen,”

She blinked. “Really? So young?”

He nodded, flashing a forced grin.

“And already with kids?” She’d tried numerous times to ask the question that had picked at her since she’d first met him at the supermarket, but never had the chance to bring it up casually until now.

“Who said I had kids?” he grimaced.

“When you first started following me around, you left a store with diapers and lollipops,”

“For my baby sisters,” he corrected, looking at her. Ahh, that’s precious.

“A girlfriend waiting around for you all day?” she kept on pushing, keeping eye contact from behind her mug.

“Nah,” he mumbled, looking back out to the street. “Boyfriend,”

Callie smiled, her mug resting in her lap. It made a little more sense now- before she thought his politeness was simply because he wasn’t interested, but Nick had told her that it didn’t matter what race a girl could be. If they were aroused, an Orc would know, and more than likely act on it. “What’s his name?”

He looked at her nervously, before answering, “Larek, but I call him ‘Lala’ so my family thinks its a girl,”

She got that. She didn’t know how Orcs usually handed that type of predicament, but she knew full well just how old school Mexican families could be.

“How long?”

“Couple years,”

“I wish I could offer some wisdom but I think I’d end up saying something color blind instead of doing any real help,” Callie stated, adjusting in the chair.

He gave her a sidelong glance. “That’s funny coming from a human who dates an Orc,”

“That’s different,” she assured.

“Not too much. So what’s next for you and munguz?” he asked, sliding down his chair that barely held him.

“Dunno, figured we’d see where it goes,” she said although Nick’s bold statement about marriage had saddled her mind since that late night.

“How’re you so calm?” Matuk asked, and she looked at him again, puzzled.

“Calm?”

“Cause you’re-”

The sharp, piercing screech of tires burning across the pavement pulled both of their attention before them, but Matuk was on his feet before Callie even recognized what was happening.

A sedan had swiped one of the watching Orcs cars, and was winding down the street hazardously as the driver struggled to regain control, but only gained speed with every foot covered. First it was the one that was hit, then another car, then a third following the hitter, all peeling onto the road after him.

“Go inside.” Matuk ordered, gliding down the steps and across the yard.

It had gone from a hit and run to something alarming, instantly. She didn’t bother with the cups, nor the knocked over chair as she stumbled into Nick’s home, locking the door behind herself.

She wanted to look out the window, finding the silence from outside more unsettling than anything, but couldn’t find the courage to do so. She stood in the middle of his living room, the impending loom of disbelief snaking up her legs.

“Matuk?” she called weakly. Should I hide?

But then figures started moving outside, at a distance. Her heart was pounding so loud in her ears, she couldn’t tell what it was.

Shadows against the windows, what she hoped were Fogteeth.

The doorknob jiggled, and yanked roughly in it’s joint.

“Oh fuck.” she whispered, backing up. Her hand patted her hips- no phone, and when her eyes jumped, she couldn’t find it.

A deafening bang from the other side of the door made her flinch, and it rattled in it’s frame.

The brief words passed behind the door distracted her hands that had jutted beneath the couch in search of the bat, but when there were two more thunderous bangs, her fingertips brushed the bat.

When she rose with it clutched in her hands, the door swung open, smacking against the adjacent wall.

No way this aluminum bat would stop the two lumbering Orcs stomping in, their tusks covered with ski masks, but there was nothing left to do but fight, even though she was ready to burst into tears and hide. Everything on her trembled terribly, especially her hands that couldn’t seem to find decent grip.

Callie screamed inarticulately when they lunged at her, swinging wildly, but also backing herself up into a corner if she kept moving away.

She tried stepping forward, but they’d reclaim their space when she ultimately flinched back when one of them spooked her.

They watched her carefully, their hateful eyes without fear, even if it meant taking a swing from a bat.

If she moved any farther back, all she’d have left was to run out the back, but what if they-

“Gotcha!”

A set of arms wrapped around her in a crushing hug, and yanked her up, effectively shaking the bat from her hands.

“Let me go- get the fuck off!” she hollered, kicking, fighting, screaming, clawing for anything. One of the Orcs grabbed her ankles as another closed the door barely hung from its hinge, and the mysterious figure holding her backed up, carrying her away.

The hallway was narrow, and she used it to her advantage.

With a loud shout and sudden twist of her body, she managed to wiggle enough that the person holding her loosened and bounced awkwardly against the wall, and she pulled them to the ground as she fell.

But she was up faster. She didn’t bother looking- she was on her feet, bolting for Nick’s room, but another hand around her wrist yanked her back, and the crack in her arm made her cry out.

She slammed against the ground with a hard slap, the wind coming out of her in harsh coughs.

Callie felt the blinding smack of a fist against her temple before she heard it, alongside the loud popping of her neck when her head flew to the side, her cheek smacking against the floor. She raised her hands, but another one blew into the side of her face.

Coppery blood filled her cheek, and her lip stung like a bitch when a large hand clutched her neck mercilessly. She clawed at it, her feet kicking again when the weight of a knee in her stomach stopped her, more coughs squeezing from her. They were heavy- the hand was tight, breathing was difficult.

So was focusing- she couldn’t make out what was leaning over her. Definitely a person, but who?

They were breathing in her face, and the trace of a hand alongside her thigh made her flinch, and fight again.

Her mouth opened to scream just as the wide swing of a boot landed against her side. She choked, her chest aching once the air had left her body but still constricted, but another blow followed soon after, right at the center of her stomach.

She wheezed, clawing across the floor, reaching, but another hand yanked against a firstful of hair, pulling her up.

“Look at me,” a male snarled, but she was too afraid.

A sharp slap against her cheek, and she tried to move from their grasp, her scalp burning.

“Look at me!” it bellowed, and her eyes finally opened, but this time, she couldn’t stop the torrent of sobs that left her.

“See what you made me do? You know how long it’s gonna take for that face to heal before I wanna see you dance again?” he shouted, back-handing her.

She forced blood from her nose, her hands raising shakily to try and pry Gerralds hands from her hair, but her hand could barely make a first.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you go” he taunted, tossing her down.

The back of her head bounced off the ground, and it felt like ages before she could roll on her side, and focus on Nick’s room, but her vision was washing over with red.

Just crawl- fucking crawl, Callie. She tried. Her arm was useless- she couldn’t even lean on it without weeping in pain, but her limbs didn’t listen. It took too long to tell each to move, and by the time her good arm had extended, he was pulling her back by the ankles again, the Orc from before grabbing her and flipping her.

She screamed for Nick, for Matuk- anyone, but there was only the perverse laughter behind her.

The tear of duct tape made her flinch, and she tried to kick her legs when she felt it winding around her knees, digging sharply into her skin.

Callie screamed- begging for help past the blood coating her mouth, but the Orcs monstrous hand smothered her face, and held down against her chest.

“Almost done, Valeria, hang on sweet girl,” Gerrald cooed, moving over her, and grabbing her wrists.

She sobbed, and fought against him, muffled behind the strong hand pushing her head sideways, but he easily grasped her wrists and wound the tape around them, tighter than around her knees.

“We’re gonna go now,” he breathed heavily, bringing her broken face up. “We’re gonna go away, and I’m gonna show you,” he paused, sneering, moving her plastered hair from her face. She whimpered, trying to move from his hold. “I’m gonna show you why you should’ve never left hunan.”

“NO, NO, HELP!” She screamed, thrashing, even as the two lifted her.

There was another loud slam of the door swinging open, and suddenly she was dropped, her head bouncing against the floor again.

It was quiet a moment, her body so still. The pain felt like a dull ache, bearable, almost muted enough to let her sleep.

But she turned, and saw the two Orcs fighting off more that had rushed in, but the new ones were brandishing the Fogteeth colors. They overtook the attackers, two more Fogteeth bolting over her and down the hall in pursuit. There was so much commotion- yelling, the table breaking under their iron bodies as they fought, more shouting.

Callie curled inwards, the pain in her abdomen worsening by the second, spreading down her thighs. The throb in her skull was debilitating, and the light coming in from the door was extreme.

“Callie?”

Her crusted eyes opened, but she flinched when hands reached for her.

“It’s me, it’s okay,” Matuk panted, carefully moving her hands up and cutting the tape. It ripped painfully from her skin, her broken arm ringing. She cried, her arms remaining drawn in as the tape around her knees was released.

“You’re okay- you’re gonna be okay.” he kept saying, but it all kept getting worse.

She sobbed when he moved his arms beneath her, cradling her against his chest and carrying her.

She slipped back and forth into blackness, only to be boomeranged back into consciousness and pain when someone jostled her. The muffled shouting was bugging her, and she slurred at them to shut up, but wasn’t sure if anyone understood her.

There was the blaring alarm of an ambulance, and people around her, but she couldn’t open her eyes against the sunny skies, so instead pressed her inflamed face into Matuk’s chest. The cold air felt better, but everything was hurting. Her stomach felt like it was folding in on itself, her arm constantly sending resounding shocks across her chest, her head throbbing.

She begged for relief when she could, but there was only the stiff mattress of the gurney beneath her once Matuk had placed her there, and his hand leaving hers when she was loaded into the rig, a neck brace pulling her jaw upwards.

She was wincing, her lip stinging when her face pinched, and her hands shaking as she rested them over her stomach.

“It hurts.” she sobbed, a paramedic leaning over her to talk, but everything was incomprehensible.

All she could understand was pain.

I want Nick.

↠

Nick bypassed the check-in counter, pushing through anyone in his way, ignoring when nurses tried to stop him.

He smacked the doors that lead to the triage center, the ones that wouldn’t open no matter how viciously he thrashed.

“Jakoby calm down!” Ward begged, trying to yank back the raging Orc, but he was like a wall of iron, unmovable.

“Where is she-“ he panted, spinning to find anyone besides the nurses urging him to calm down. “I need to see my girlfriend,” he tried, but they weren’t helping him. They continued to shut him down, ordering him to leave, telling him he was scaring the other people waiting in reception.

“Open the fucking doors!” He bellowed, but Ward had him around the shoulders now, finally dragging him back some.

“Nick shut up- c’mon move, move with me,” Daryl struggled, pulling him away, but now security was coming at them. “Nick you need to calm the fuck down or you’ll be asking for her behind bars,” Ward hissed, but it was like he was caught in a delirious cloud. He was wobbly, gripping Daryl’s arms harshly. “He’s a cop- we’re LAPD, it’s fine,” Ward told the security guards, still trying to speak to Nick directly.

Ward spoke in his favor, trying to rid the small huddle of nurses around them, insistent that Nick leave, but he shook his head with raging eyes, struggling not to growl or shout anymore.

“My girlfriend is here- her sister called me,” Nick pleaded.

“Unless you’re family you can’t go back until-”

“Her sister called me!” he snapped, but Daryl pulled him back again.

More indiscernible shouting, the security starting to reach for Nick’s hands even though Daryl did his best to talk over everyone and reserve his rights.

“Nick!”

His head spun, finding Rosie coming from the door he’d tried opening, still in uniform.

In two steps he was across the room.

“I called him in,” she declared, both of them turning away.

“Ma’am you can’t-”

“I said I vouch for him.” she snapped, silencing anymore rebuttal from the people around them.

Finally through the door, he didn’t lag in the slightest as they started their way through the curtained beds and overall commotion of an emergency room.

“All they told me was she was assaulted,” he quavered, his eyes jumping wildly.

“She’s been in and out since she got here- she has a lot of tests and scans to get through but she can at least respond when she’s awake,” Rosie told him, and at last approached a curtain. Pulling it back only revealed an empty room, and both of them spun wildly.

“Where-” Nick started.

“Stay here,” Rosie said as she left again, but he didn’t want to stay.

It smelled like blood, and there was some peppered across the floor alongside soaked gauze. Her shirt was there also, cut down the middle, stained.

He whined, holding his head, walking in circles. He was fighting the urgency to run through every room of the hospital to find her, and be by her. He needed to know she was okay- that she could talk, and know he was there.

He spun when the curtain rings scraped, but it was Rosie, alongside a male doctor. She looked grim, like news he didn’t know if he was ready to hear had been delivered to her first.

“This is the father,” Rosie introduced, shakily, and confusion flashed across his face.

“Sir? You’re Miss Flores’s partner?” the doctor asked, and Nick nodded. “I’m Deshawn Smith, I’m the attending that triaged Calista when she came in,” he explained calmly, extending his hand to shake Nick’s weak grip.

“Nick,” the orc mumbled. Father?

“The extent of her injuries won’t be known until we’ve finished the scans she’s in right now for, but I don’t see anything life threatening based on preliminary tests,”

Nick exhaled, having not realized he was holding his breath.

“What we know right now is her right arm is broken, and all of the gashes on her are superficial, but she might have some bleeding on the brain which is why I've ordered a number of scans. Now there’s some information I need from you,” Deshawn said, pulling out a small notebook and pen from his breast pocket. “How far along was she?”

“Far along?” he repeated, and Rosie’s hand rested on his arm.

“Nick-”

“In her pregnancy, sir,” Deshawn clarified.

That broke through his thoughts; shattered the haze like glass. His heart that was once clapping madly in his heart was only a small flutter now, the wind effectively knocking from his lungs. A stunning presence was suddenly filling his heart, a blinding disbelief turning his gut.

“She’s pregnant?” Nick cracked, and Rosie’s hand on his shoulder tightened.

Deshawn adjusted the cards clipped to his scrub nervously, blinking a few times. “Were- were you unaware?”

Nick nodded.

The doctor cleared his throat. “Sir,” he adjusted his glasses this time. “I truly hate having to tell you this, but unfortunately she’s miscarried,”

...what?

What?

His mouth motioned to speak, but he couldn’t force it up over the crushing disappointment sitting on his chest. Just as the presence in his heart had become so familiar, so quickly, it was gone- ripped away. All at once, the reality of the situation came crashing back around him after his momentary escape into bliss.

“We believe it was the blunt force trauma to her abdomen and overall stress the attack had on her body that caused it,” Deshawn explained, but he only saw vacant eyes staring back at him. “I’m truly sorry, Nick. Would you like me to come back to speak with you when you’ve had time to process this news?”

It took a few times repeating in his head to really hear what he’d asked, but Nick shook his head.

He listened to him explain that Callie was beaten brutally, but for the time being, they didn’t expect her to pass or fall into a coma. He listened as he explained that she’d be in hospital for a few days, but recovery time wouldn’t be as lengthy as his. And he questioned, silently, in his own head, how he hadn’t known that she’d been pregnant? How did he not sense it?

↠

Almost 2 AM.

The hall had gone quiet long ago, mostly nurses moving around at this point.

Exhaustion hung on him, but he was too restless to sleep. All day he’d followed nurses from room to room, listening second hand as more of Callie’s family came in, all gathering in the lobby. They didn’t come up to him, but he didn’t approach them either. He’d returned to cowering away, his head hung. Sometimes Rosie would sit by him, sharing updates, encouraging him to eat or drink, but he couldn’t. Concern roiled his gut; there’d be no keeping food down.

By the time she’d received her own room, he didn’t pour into her room when her family did.

Although he’d waited all day to even see a glimpse of her face, he couldn’t be near when they learned he’d knocked her up. They already hated him, he thought. They’d scream and murder him when they knew.

It engrossed him entirely. Callie had been pregnant, by him, with their baby, and now she wasn’t. All that time not knowing something was blooming in her womb. He buried his face in his palms again, breathing deeply.

The world could swallow him up from his feet at that moment, and it would’ve been a relief. He’d rather feel anything but this.

Nick didn’t think anything of the footsteps approaching him until he spotted boots out of the corner of his eye instead of the normal nurse attire.

Matuk and Doghru, but younger male was worse for wear. Half his face was swollen, cut, bruised- a bandaged hand held close to his chest.

“Nick,” Dorghu acknowledged calmly, waiting for Nick to stand. His handshake was weak, as was his overall mental state. He didn’t try to shake hands with the kid.

“We need to talk,” Dorghu stated, motioning over towards the stairwell.

“Matuk,” the scarred Orc nodded, leaning against the railing to the stairs. Matuk stepped forward, his eyes fleeting many times from Nick’s hard gaze.

“It was the cop,” he said first, his speech slurred.

The delirious anger was immediate. It turned Nick, having to steady himself against the wall. He fucking knew it- he knew he’d try to make a move but thought the protection would be enough.

“He came with other Orcs, from the Volki- they distracted Jregh and Sarod and Urul and ambushed me when I was checking around your house,” he explained, ashamed, his head hung. “They were trying to kidnap her when I came in, but the cop bolted before anyone could get him-”

“He did that to her?” Nick interrupted.

Matuk nodded, sniffling. “I’m sorry,”

He tried not to hate him- it wasn’t his fault. It really wasn’t, but without Gerrald there to murder, he needed someone to blame- to make sense of this nightmare.

“Is she okay?”

“I haven’t seen her yet,” Nick mumbled. I haven’t seen my own fucking girlfriend yet. Nick exhaled, looking at Dorghu. “She was pregnant,”

The head of the Fogteeth stepped forward, looking between them. Dorghu looked as shocked as Rosie did when they first explained her condition, but with a roll of his shoulders, he’d composed any emotion.

“It didn’t survive,” he stated, already knowing. Nick shook his head, on the verge of collapsing. His body had never ached so terribly.

A sturdy hand on his shoulder brought his eyes back up.

“I’m sorry,” Dorghu said, sincerely, offering comfort as best he knew. But Nick moved his hand, his arms raising in discomfort. He didn’t want condolences, or pity- he would handle that heartache when Callie was by his side.

“I need to find him,” Nick grumbled.

“We have the two that were with him. We’re working the details out of them,” Dorghu explained.

“How long?”

“However long they withstand torture,” Matuk said, looking up. “Volki can be resilient,”

“Not limitless, though,” Dorghu corrected, nodding thoughtfully at the young Orc.

“When you have him, I want to do it. I want to be there,” Nick said behind mashed teeth, breath flaring through his nostrils. “You have to tell me,”

“We will. You’ll square it, I’ll make sure,”

Nick nodded, and grabbed Dorghu’s hand when extended. “Give Calista our best.”

The two departed down the steps, and Nick saw the severe limp Matuk was burdened with as he struggled down. He took the moment to lean back against the cold wall, and close his eyes, letting the silence of the stairwell seep into his thoughts.

Fury rested at the borders of his coherent thoughts, but he could bridle it until the time came.

With a deep exhale, he walked from the stairwell and back down the hall, turning the corner to sit before Callie’s room again.

Rosie was there, and smiled vacantly when he approached.

“You okay?” she asked as he sat beside her.

He shrugged. “Needed a minute,” he lied.

“Yeah,” Rosie’s voice broke, her hand smoothing down her wild curls. “Callie’s awake, talking,” she told him, and his head snapped in her direction, his eyes brightening. “She’s asking for you,”

A remnant of a grin curled his mouth, but he looked at the door. “I’ll wait,”

“They’re not mad at you, Nick. They know it wasn’t your fault,” she told him, grabbing his arm.

“That doesn’t change how a parent feels about their kid being mauled,” he grumbled.

She sighed. They both drifted in their own thoughts for some time, only looking up when the commotion in her room heightened; they must’ve been getting ready to leave.

“She didn’t tell them about the baby,”

His head hung. Our baby.

The door opened, and they both stood. Callie’s parents and Patricia were there, tired, finding Nick immediately.

If it hadn’t been for the clear misery on Luciana’s face, he would’ve flinched when she reached for him, but instead, there was a tight embrace pulling him down. She was strong for her size, just like Callie, her grip unyielding as she suppressed small sobs.

“Watch over her,” she said, leaning back, holding his face. “I trust you. Stay by her side, yerno.” she said softly, her eyes red from obvious crying, a tissue clutched in her palm.

Nick nodded, nervously shaking hands with her wary father as they passed.

He didn’t expect Patricia to step forward, her usual cutting expression softened and her hands clasped before her, but he sidestepped, struggling to flatten his hateful expression.

There was no way he could speak to her without lashing out. He saw the messages- she had no business being here. Although she turned, and said his name, he instead briefly hugged Rosie before finally stepping to Callie’s room.

He moved silently, the room dark with the exception of a small wall light before the head of the bed.

But he saw her.

Curled on her side, her battered face moving up when he closed the door behind himself. Nick released a shaking breath, the burn behind his eyes enough to bring a hand to his face to rub over his eyelids.

Her casted hand reached for him just as he made it to her side, but he couldn’t kiss her split lips when he leaned over her, carefully lifting her whimpering body into a sitting position so he could cradle her against his chest. She was weak; her arms around him were loose, her body mostly limp in his hold. Nick rocked her carefully when she wept against him, moving her dirty, crusted hair from her face so he could look down at her, and mindfully wipe away tears that slipped down her bruised cheek.

He was fighting tears of his own, detailing her bloodshot eye sat inside a bruised socket and deep lacerations on her temple, the shallow burns around her knees he drew up closer, bringing her into his lap when he sat on her bed.

Nick made sure her IV tubes didn’t twist before he held her face, gently sshing her as her hoarse cries lessened.

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” he repeated featherlight, clearing his throat often. “I’m so sorry- I thought you’d be safe at home with them all there,”

Her swollen lip trembled, her eyes still glossy, but she shook her head, a hand curling weakly under his chin.

“It’s not your fault,” she whispered, sniffling and wincing when her face stung. “It would’ve happened no matter who was there,”

He shook his head. “This should never've happened,”

Callie shrugged, barely, adjusting her head against his arm and closing her tired eyes. A lingering kiss on her cheek relaxed her, continuing to rock her gently. She was dozing off, barely managing to keep her eyes open; he couldn’t stop looking at her. He’d left her one way and come back to disaster. All the time he waited to see her felt so brief; it was little to endure now that he had her in his arms, and could hear her speak.

“I didn’t know I was pregnant,” she sighed, craning her neck back to look up at him. “I promise I didn’t know,”

“I know, I know,” he said shakily. Fuck- keep it together, you shit head. “Do you- do you know how far…?”

“They said a couple weeks,”

His face tightened. “Tiny little thing,”

Callie’s face was sorrowing, tears brimming her eyes once again as Nick’s own filled, unable to fight back the burn any longer.

“I thought it couldn’t happen, Nick,” she whispered, holding his head when it dropped into her shoulder, a choked cry shaking his broad shoulders as she threw a wobbly arm around his shoulders. His sobs were silent, but they swayed him, the tears soaking through her hospital gown. With delicacy, and grief, he clung to her injured form and fell apart, lifting his damp face to wipe it crudely against his shoulder when she started, knowing he had no business falling apart when she was the one handling all the aftermath.

But she still wiped his face, her powerless hands holding his cheeks when she kissed his forehead, whispering comforting words and declarations of undying love.

Their turmoil settled, ending with Callie lied nestled firmly against his chest, his arms about her protectively. He listened to her breathe as she slept, thankful for every one exhaled. It wasn’t until those moment did he realize that the signs of her pregnancy had been there all along.

The savory layer that had coated her skin, that allured him so deeply, was gone. Where once she smelled luscious, and so full of life, was only ill health now, and blood.

He moved his cheek against her head, watching where his knuckles pressed tentatively against her swollen stomach.

She stirred, and he rubbed her arm, pulling her closer when she burrowed her face against him.

Everything on him was exhausted- he needed sleep, but he couldn’t flip the switch in his mind. The longer he stayed still, the stronger the ire became. Above all, he wished he could turn back time, and never leave the house, but with the unlikeliness of that came the desire to find Gerrald.

He couldn’t stop the vile thoughts from bombarding him; what would he have done if he’d taken her? How far would she have been hidden away?

Nick exhaled, pinching his eyes shut and wrapping her tighter in an embrace.

All this time passed, everything they’d been through to finally make a baby, and then it be ripped from her hands.

By him.

It was all because of him.

He wiggled his face next to hers, shushing her softly when she whined.

I’ll make this right, Callie. I’ll make it right for our baby.

In another life, little one. 🖤 Two chapters left of Bell Peppers; I've already started working on part 2: Milagro

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pet-diary · 7 years ago

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⟰Here are my 2018 New Year Resolutions!!!⟰

This year I am hoping to be really focused on building better habits in the things I want in my life. For instance, I really want to be better at drawing. I know that I have to practice DAILY if I ever want to be a ~person that draws~. I used to be a ~person that draws~, but over the past 10 years, I’ve really just let that habit fall to the wayside for other habits and hobbies, which makes me so sad! I used to love drawing! And this is something I really want to be a part of my life, a part of who I am as a person... So I decided to set some realistic goals to motivate myself into learning new styles and mediums that I would love to know how to do, while maintaining the habit of drawing daily. You can see how I did it below. Same for all my other resolutions and goals, I tried to set up plans to make them work. :) Some of my resolutions are just general and I didn’t come up with a plan for them. I just need to remember to check-in with myself every so often and remind myself to do them.

PLAN FOR ACHIEVING RESOLUTION GOALS

The template (in case you want to do it this way too):

[Name of resolution - Quick tag line so you can see it at a glance] ✨ Goal: What is the main goal here? How would it define you as a person? 🎯 Target: Specifically, what will it look like to have ultimately achieved this goal? 🏹 Aim: What steps can you take to achieve it?

ACADEMIC & CAREER // [Continue learning Japanese, gain basic everyday life language skills] ✨ Goal: Learn enough Japanese to be capable of basic conversation and writing. 🎯 Target: Study Genki textbooks + online apps or sites every week. Practice vocab in daily life. Teach Trev basics to make it more fun. Learn vocab for everyday life items and situations. 🏹 Aim: Read and practice Genki textbooks or Textfugu at least 1 session weekly, practice vocab app or other forms of study at least 30 mins daily.

CREATIVE // [Draw regularly again + Focus on practicing a monthly artist style/medium] ✨ Goal: Be a regular drawer, learn how to use different art mediums, practice favorite artist's styles. 🎯 Target: Dedicate every month to practicing a new style in art, choosing one medium and one favorite artist to focus on. Drawing something daily. 🏹 Aim: Draw at least once per day, doesn't matter how much, but ideally aim for an hour daily. Practice monthly art style for inspiration. Choose at end of month specifically who/what to focus on, print off inspiration to hang around room and be inspired by. Try to learn something about the artist along the way, immerse in artist's life/process while learning the style.

Some possible artists to study (off the top of my head):

1. Risa Mehmet 2. Faetus 3. Hospicemilk / fever-breath 4. Song__Caramel / Caramelsong0915 5. Henry Darger 6. Winsor McCay 7. Yumiko Ōshima (The Star of Cottonland) 8. Minipete 9. Guppy 10. Nao Emoto (Forget Me Not) 11. Gosho Aoyama (Case Closed) 12. CLAMP (Sakura) 13. Henriette Willebeek le Mair 14. Yuko Uramoto (The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up) 15. Tyrus Wong 16. Louis Wain 17. Eon (Super Secret)

Some mediums to study (off the top of my head):

1. Watercolor 2. Pastels 3. Ink 4. Markers 5. Crayon 6. Charcoal 7. Graphite 8. Collage 9. Paint of some kind (gouache?) 10. Clip Studio Paint 11. Color pencils

[Share photography regularly + Focus heavily on shooting/sharing film] ✨ Goal: Become listed as featured artist on Grace and Girlhood (i.e. post enough film photos to be considered film photographer). 🎯 Target: Edit and share photography every month, focus heavily on film. Post to IG, submit photos to G&G. Keep up with scanning negatives so that it's easy to post film regularly. Learn to use to continue practicing w/ diff film and cameras. 🏹 Aim: Post at least 5x monthly. Work on photography scanning/editing for at least 1 hour weekly.

LIFE // [Immerse myself in lifestyle (grad school, art, Seattle, etc), blog/vlog whole process (good & bad)] ✨ Goal: What is the main goal here? How would it define you as a person? 🎯 Target: Specifically, what will it look like to have ultimately achieved this goal? 🏹 Aim: What steps can you take to achieve it?

[Become an early riser + Go on daily walks] ✨ Goal: Wake up earlier every day, taking advantage of daylight. Have more time to spend with Trev. Become someone who goes for morning walks/runs (be that person who finds a body on an early morning jog!). 🎯 Target: Wake up early, go to bed early, make it a regular habit to become an early riser and get the most out of the daylight. Go on morning walks regularly.🏹 Aim: Go to bed around 9:30-11pm, wake up at 5:30-7am, make a coffee/tea to go, go for a walk/run, make breakfast when I get home. Wake up as early as possible!

[Cook more + Learn more Japanese & vegan recipes + Prepare bento regularly] ✨ Goal: Cook dinner more, and make bento for work/school the next day. Make rice-based recipes more often, eat healthier meals, snack healthier. 🎯 Target: Make enough rice to justify buying a new rice cooker (reward!). Go through recipe books and try more Japanese recipes. Eat healthier, make more vegan-based meals. Make bento for me and Trev with cute bento accessories, for work/school/picnic. 🏹 Aim: Make a rice-based recipe at least once a week. Plan and make meals from books and saved recipes from Pinterest (focus on vegan and Japanese recipes) every week. Make lunch for Trev and I the night before using bento accessories and online inspiration.

[Watch more anime + Read more manga] ✨ Goal: Become someone that watches anime/reads manga and web comics on a regular basis. Become more familiar with existing shows/comics. Pick up art inspiration for web comic and art styles. 🎯 Target: Watch anime regularly, read web comics everyday instead of wasting time on other stuff. Get inspiration for my web comic. Practice techniques from shows and other comics/manga. 🏹 Aim: Watch anime at least 1x weekly, instead of other things I watch. Start a series w/ Trev and add it to show rotation. Read web comics/manga at least 1x daily, check update feed for series I follow on Webtoon and other apps. Check feeds like My Anime List, Anime News Network and Honey's Anime for inspiration.

(Cutting the rest of this entry because it’s already written in the image, but wanted to include it for readability and searchabilty).

ACADEMIC & CAREER // * Continue learning Japanese, gain basic everyday life language skills * Apply for grad school * Learn how to talk about what you know, about yourself, & to talk in general * Continue fleshing out career goals

CREATIVE // * Draw regularly again + Focus on practicing a monthly artist style/medium * Share photography regularly + Focus heavily on shooting/sharing film * Start the ephemera shop! * Start working on graphic novel!! Don’t let the idea die unrealized

LIFE // * Immerse myself in lifestyle (grad school, art, Seattle, etc), blog/vlog whole process (good & bad) * Become an early riser + Go on daily walks * Be openly autistic – fuck worrying about what ppl will think anymore * Make new friends, make an effort to meet ppl, esp in grad school * Set down roots, even if you have to uproot them eventually * Continue taking the bus, be more self-sufficient, grocery shop, run errands alone * Cook more + Learn more Japanese & vegan recipes + Prepare bento regularly * Watch more anime + Read more manga * Read (for fun) at least 1 page a day * Start watching movies again, the feels can be good in the long run * Listen to music more often, get into new stuff

PHYSICAL & MENTAL HEALTH // * Maintain weight, don't go over/under healthy ideal weight * Look cute more often, even just around the house * Stretch every day, regardless of exercise * Go on weekly walks, at least 3x weekly, esp morning walks * Exercise alone or w/ Trev at least 1x weekly, aim for 2x weekly * Push yourself to do things that scare you! Esp if it’s irrational fear * Look into getting on medication to deal w/ anxiety * Maintain positive mindset, esp upon waking up & greeting Trev at end of day * Be nicer, control anger better, be more empathetic & friendly

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clevercatchphrase · 7 years ago

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2017 in review, and goals for 2018

If I had to describe 2017 in one word it would be... monotonous. Sure, there were plenty of ups and downs, but for the most part, especially the latter 6 months, I just felt like I was going through the motions, holding my nose to the grind stone, doing work and paying off student loans. 2017 blew by me, and I remember thinking each month passed by with unusal quickness. There's a strange sense of disociation with that, like I wasn't really connected to reality for most of the year, and instead watched it pass me by from a seperate temporal window. In a weird way it may have been a bit of a godsend as well. I hear 2017 was hard for a lot of people, but feeling so disonnected from the year may have protected me and cushioned the blow in a sense.

I lost a family member this year in early june. I knew it was coming ever since january as I hated having to watch them deteriorate and get worse and worse until they finally passed. The three months leading up to it and the three months after were particularly hard and left me feeling unable to write or draw or do anything productive. I still miss them terribly. I always will. But I hope I won't let it immobilize me as much this year as it did last year.

Anyway, Let's review my goals for last year and see what I've accomplished. I’ve a lot to say, so for brevity’s sake I’ve put it all under the cut.

GOALS FOR 2017 1) Finish my 50 billion fan fictions so I can get back to drawing Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHA. The depression I got halfway through the year throughly put a halt on this. I haven't even finished one of the fics I've started in 2016. I got close, seeing as i participated in NaNoWriMo this year to try and force myself to finish, but I still need to revise and edit all that I've written and the motivation is non existant. GOD, I have so many stories too, all of them still undertale fan fiction because I'm still not over that game. I'll list them all when I share my goals for this year later below. 2)Draw in 2 pages of my sketch book each week so I'll finish a sketch book in a year. I was SO CLOSE with this one! I filled out 95 pages! But you know what i discovered in august? I realized that my 100 page sketch book.... was actually 150 pages! Oh well! I drew more this year than I thought i would! Just because i didn't hit 100 pages, doesn't mean I didn't accomplish something! 3) Finish 14 out of the remaining 27 lessons on my duolingo course I went fucking above and beyond with this one. I hit this goal back in may, and then I completely finished up the danish duolingo course by november. I also passed my 1095 day streak which translates to doing duolingo daily for OVER 3 YEARS STRAIGHT. I still practice daily to build my vocabulary, and I know I can't speak it for the life of me, or follow along with fast speakers, but give me a few minutes and I can probably read it for you. Funny how that works, where I can understand danish if it's written out, but ask me to translate from english to danish and I struggle like a butterfly in a tumble dryer. 4) Become passibly fluent in ASL I have this box of 600 ASL flash cards, and this year I practiced two of them a day until I got through the entire box. I certainly learned a bunch of new words but I wouldn't say I was fluent yet. I certainly don't know all the grammar rules yet. I HAVE been able to sign with people at my job, though I do rely heavily on fingerspelling still. Most everyone I talked with seemed to know I was trying and they seemed really excited that I could understand them if they were patient with me. I put more of my focus on Danish last year, but now that I'm done with Danish, maybe I can focust more on ASL. My sister told me about this site similar to duolingo called "memrise" that actually has an ASL course, so you can bet I'll be looking into that. 5) Read the entire dictionary I did this! I kept two spiral note books and wrote down any words I thought were cool or interesting! I haven't gone back and re-read the words I wrote down, but maybe I will this year! It was exhausting. It was weird. I still can't believe I spent about 200 hours last year doing this. 6) Read one new book every month Much like my sketch book goal, I almost completed this one. I kept it up every month until October, and then I just... stopped. I read more than I thought this year, though I ended up usually waiting until the last week of each month to read, and I also cheated by counting the dictionary as one of the things I read (hey, it's a book, ain't it?) I also re-read old books that I know I like, so not entirely 10 new books were read this year. Reading 1 new book a month isn't one of my goals this year, but I hope to read more new stuff reguardless, 7) Actually use the tutorials and references I reblog Seeing as I barely did any digitial art this year, I can't say I did this one. 8) Do more art streams I think my goal was to stream once a month. I clearly didn't do this. I DID stream in 2017, I just didn't tell anyone. Idk why, I just... went live for people to see but didn't let anyone know I did. I also only streamed like... twice? sigh... So... out of the 8 goals I set, I would say I accomplished close to half. I read the dictionary, I finished my danish language course (which I'm counting as two completed goals) and combining the "read 1 new book a month" and "draw 100 pages in a sketch book" I'll count that as one completed goal. I went through all my ASL cards, though I'm not fluent, OH! I also wanted to pay off 6k loan that I had. I want to count this one as a success because I DID FUCKING PAY OVER 6 THOUSAND DOLLARS IN LOANS THIS YEAR. I got a surprise loan I had no idea about in june that was 1500 dollars, which threw me off. I managed to pay it off in 2 months, BUT IF THAT LOAN HAD NEVER EXISTED I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE FINISHED PAYING OFF THE 6K ONE. I've got a little over a thousand left to pay on the 6k loan now, which I will complete by the end of January. I'm so close to being under 10k in debt... GOALS FOR 2018 1)Go from being 5 figures in student loan debt down to 4 figures in debt (pay off 2 out of 4 loans) If everything goes according to Keikaku I'll achieve this by the end of June. This has to factor in things like updating my car registration in april, oil changes, tune ups, tire rotation, gas and food expenses, but as long as I don't get fired I should be fine! 2) Stretch Daily Not exercise. I never exercise. But it would be nice to increase my flexibility. 3) STOP TOUCHING YOUR GODDAMN FACE/ find an effective acne treatment I also want to try washing my face daily. Im fucking 25. I shouldn't have this many pimples. 4) Do another song comic I made A lyrictale for Undertale at the end of 2015 in ten days. I want to make another. I already have it scripted, now I just need to do it. 5) Do at least one art stream a month. Hey, maybe I can stream the next song comic I do. Sure, it'd spoil the song and story for everyone, but doesn't that sound fun? 6)Practice ASL I just started looking into Memrise and their ASL courses. They actually have A LOT, AND! THEY HAVE SIGN LANGUAGE COURSES FOR OTHER COUNTRIES! This year is gonna be fun. (Also, the only reason I want to learn ASL because of Undertale. I'll let you figure out how they are connected) 7) Sew 4 stuffed animals I started sewwing a Hobbes plush in the middle of last year. His body is finished. I just never did the head. The other three stuffed animals I want to make I will keep a secret because I love to keep people guessing. 8) Make two AMVs There are two songs I want to put to Avatar; The Last Airbender, and Avatar; The Legend of Korra. I have about half the footage... I just... need to rewatch the shows and put the clips together. Hey, maybe after I find all the clips I can do a stream of that as well. 9) Last but not least, finish my many, MANY Undertale Fan Fics. a. You Monster (34 out of 37 chapters are written, but only 29 are posted) b. Finish the "Of Two Minds" series (it's explicit don't look) c. Color Theory (A chasriel one shot) d. Something Left Behind (Terrible AU Idea #647) e. Let's Get Real (Self insert, joke, parody thing that will also be explicit) f. Game Day! (something about soccer games with Mettaton along the same vain as Field Trip!) g. Would You Like Fries With That (Nicepants because there's not enough of it in the world) h. Science Fair! (something with Undyne and school projects along the same vain as Field Trip!) i. One that is so horribly dark and fucked that I won't even describe it here. Welp! Those are my goals for 2018! What are your goals for 2018? Whatever they are, I wish you success and improvement, health and wealth! Stay safe this year! I love you all~

#new year's resolutions #long post

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vbuckicof7113-blog · 6 years ago

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captainsbabysitter-blog · 8 years ago

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Jim Kirk Headcanons

Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. I should note that these are all TOS headcanons because honestly I love TOS more; each character just has more... Character. Just my opinion.

Questions under the cut!

Addendum: This took forever, so I may just answer asks unless I get reeeeally bored again.

1. What does their bedroom look like?

On the Enterprise, I see his room being somewhat sparse. He’s busy making strategies and interacting with other crew members in his off time. His home off-ship is full of shelves upon shelves of books. Jim is a reader. It’s how he escaped a less than awesome childhood and it expanded into a genuine, everlasting love.

He would also have posters of space. Educational, nerdy posters depicting the blueprints of ancient space shuttles and schematics for various things that grabbed his fancy.

And his chess boards. I hardcore headcanon that Pike taught him chess and he has several boards on various flat surfaces throughout his bedroom, but there’s one that’s special. One that has really crudely carved out pieces on a board with roughly painted black squares checkered with the natural light tones of pine that he made himself when he was on Tarsus IV and it’s a reminder of his belief in no-win scenarios and his duty to those who depend on him that stays with him even after he’s given his captaincy on the Enterprise.

2. Do they have any daily rituals?

Jim walks every path of the ship at least once a week. He likes the first-hand knowledge that everything is okay, everyone is safe, and he has a rotating schedule of the areas he visits. Mondays and Tuesdays are the upper decks, and so on and so forth.

Sometimes Bones or Spock will join him if they’re feeling up for it, but for the most part it’s just something he does himself.

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

See above. Beyond that, yes. He practices fighting styles and does other strength training on top of his daily walks.

4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

He’d help in the kitchen, honestly. He’s not particularly good at cooking, but he can do some basic stuff and whatever helps moves things along faster is what he’s going to do.

Just picture him wearing a Kiss The Cook apron over his command golds, flour on his nose and an easy grin.

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

It depends. His work space is spotless. He needs that clear space to stay in the right headspace for leading an entire ship.

Home? Home is a disaster. He has projects on every surface, pictures and posters all over the walls, and it’s sort of an organized mess, but it IS a mess.

6. Eating habits and sample daily menu.

This one is less headcanon and more canon. If he can get away with eating steak and fries with every meal, he’s going to. But everyone knows Bones would annihilate him before his arteries had a chance to clog, so he’s forced to eat some greens once in a while.

7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Chess or reading or even just sitting in the rec room watching his crew enjoy themselves. In his eyes, time isn’t wasted if it’s spent on something enjoyed.

8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

He indulges in expensive alcohols on special occasions.

Promotion for him or a member of his crew? A few fingers of a nice southern bourbon Bones gave him for Christmas.

Spock or Bones’ birthday? Share a few fingers of a scotch Scotty brewed up in that “secret” still of his.

Anniversary of the Enterprise launching with its present crew? Enjoy a few with his favorite people and reminisce about the fun they’ve had and the dangers they’ve faced and survived and remember the people they’ve lose (because Jim remembers every. single. one)

9. Makeup?

He wouldn’t be above a bit of color on special occasions or if it were culturally important, but he would stick mostly to concealer/foundation.

10. Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

He has a near-neurotic need to ensure himself that his Enterprise family is safe. Even after his long walks along the ship, he would stop by the places he knows Spock and Bones will be just to check up on them before he retires to his own rooms for the night. They would come to expect him and know that it makes Jim feel better knowing where they are and that they’re safe.

If questioned, he’ll deny it. Doubly so if you claim it’s neurotic in any way.

11. Intellectual pursuits?

Oh oodles. Jim will take on any intellectual pursuit he’s presented with if only because he’s curious. Even if he doesn’t keep up with it or loses interest after a day or two of poking around and getting a feel for it, he has at least a passing knowledge in a multitude of fields.

12. Favorite book genre?

All of them. He’d have his reasons for each individual genre and wouldn’t be able to choose just one.

13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

Pansexual. I’ll note here that to me, the term pansexual means that he would appreciate people on all places of the gender spectrum and various representations.

But Jim wouldn’t really call himself that. He doesn’t really bother with labels like that for himself, but doesn’t really judge other people for theirs either.

14. Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

Jim has a few food allergies, and tree nuts of any kind is a big one. It’s severe enough that the replicators have a restriction barring them from making anything with nuts as an ingredient.

Not sure why, but I also always saw him as being allergic to cats.

15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?

Biggest short term goal is to get Bones and Spock to openly admit they enjoy each others company.

Smallest is getting through two away missions in a row without everything going sideways.

16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?

Biggest long term goal is getting through the mission without losing any of his officers. The events surrounding Wrath of Khan shattered him on multiple levels because he felt like he failed.

Smallest long term goal is to serve Starfleet as long as he can manage to get away with.

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Outside of uniform, he’s not picky about his clothes. He’d rummage through his closet until he found something resembling a full outfit and call it good.

18. Favorite beverage?

Saurian brandy, but he doesn’t indulge in that too often.

19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Jim thinks back on any mistakes he may have made that day either on the bridge or on an away mission and would devise ways to go about them in better ways next time. He’s a renowned strategist, and he didn’t get that way by accident. He enjoys thinking up these sorts of scenarios and solutions; it’s relaxing and helps him sleep knowing that he’s ready for anything the universe might throw at him.

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

None, really. There’s a reason he was spared on Tarsus and it wasn’t because he was sickly or suffering from any sort of illness.

21. Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

Confidence is a huge turn-on for him. It sounds cliche, but Jim loves a person who knows how to handle themselves. He also has a thing for throats and necks.

He can’t get into someone who feels like they’re better than others. You could be the richest person in the known universe with looks that take the breath of all who look upon you, but if you snub a server or sneer at someone of a lower caste, Jim won’t look at you twice.

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

Depends on his mood. He might jot down some random thoughts that he doesn’t want to forget, but he’s more likely to make little doodles. He once spent an hour listening to Bones and Spock bicker and drew them while they did it. It’s one of his favorite drawings.

23. How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

He functions on a sort of organized chaos. He has an order in which he responds to problems, and his work space is immaculate, but if he’s studying or researching, he’s very much one of those people who would have PADD’s or even books strewn all around him while he’s searching for exactly what he needs.

24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

Tactics. There’s a reason he loves chess so much, and he’d love the challenge that comes with a new, unfamiliar opponent.

25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

If he has any say, he’ll still be on the Enterprise with his favorite people, exploring the universe.

26. Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

His only real plan is the Enterprise. He wants to fly until he can’t anymore and then he wants to settle down with Bones and Spock when they’re all retired. Any other plan isn’t acceptable to him.

27. What is their biggest regret?

That he didn’t know his son the way he feels a father should.

28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Spock and Bones are his best friends.

Khan is his worst enemy.

29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

He’s trained to respond in emergencies, so he’s the one grabbing the extinguisher and/or making sure the others are somewhere safe before he lets himself hand the reigns over to someone better equipped to deal with it.

30. Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

Jim goes inward when someone close to him dies. He sits alone in his room and truly contemplates what life will be like now that that person is gone, and if he drinks just a bit too much in those moments? Well there’s no one there to chastise him.

31. Most prized possession?

Anything gifted to him by someone close to him. The secretly joint gift of reading glasses and print novel given to him by Spock and Bones on his birthday are his favorite.

32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?

He could take ‘em or leave ‘em. He doesn’t have a lot of space for such things on the ship, so it’s not something he’d really care about.

33. Concept of home and family?

The Enterprise and her crew are his home and family, and ultimately home is wherever he can be with Bones and Spock.

34. Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

Jim’s a surprisingly private person. He doesn’t feel the need to broadcast every single happening in his life to anyone other than those that are the closest to him. A captain needs to maintain a certain amount of decorum with his crew no matter how close they get.

35. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

He doesn’t see anything that he enjoys as a waste of time. A waste of time implies it was both not enjoyable and serves no higher purpose.

36. What makes them feel guilty?

Failing in any way that results in injury to a member of the crew. That sort of thing eats at him for weeks.

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

A good captain knows how to balance both. He wouldn’t put one over the other because they’re both essential to his very being and so he goes with his gut, but he backs it with facts (even if the facts are made up on the fly).

38. Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

He considers himself a Type B. Someone has to balance Spock and Bones, and besides... Being high strung never got him anywhere.

39. What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Chess with Spock or a nice stiff drink with Bones.

40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

Neither. He’s as good as he is, but he’s no better than anyone else. Yeah, there are people that are better than him, but they have experience that he doesn’t and strives to achieve.

41. How misanthropic are they?

Not at all.

42. Hobbies?

Reading and chess.

43. How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

You don’t get to be a captain by dropping out and never finishing school. He has a lot of extensive schooling both through the standard system and through his years at the academy.

44. Religion?

Not religious.

45. Superstitions or views on the occult?

Skeptical. He’s never seen evidence that any of these things exist, so he doesn’t tend to believe in them.

46. Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

Primarily words, but also in deed. He’s a diplomat, and so he knows how to charm anyone if he sets his mind to it.

47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

He doesn’t have an ideal. An ideal implies that you restrict yourself to one type of person, and that’s just not Jim’s style. His only real requirements are that they be someone that he can find mentally stimulating.

48. How do they express love?

He’s a tactile lover. Touches to the arm, a hand at the lower back, a thumb brushing a cheek, laying so that the entire length of his body is touching his lover’s are all silent, simple ways Jim would express love.

49. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

A little thing I’ve called James T. Kirk’s Full-Body Karate. It’s funny because he just... Flings himself at enemies.

50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

No. It’s a possibility he’s long since accepted about his job and position in Starfleet. He knows that one day he might die and he’s made peace with it.

He’s still convinced that he won’t die so long as Spock and Bones are with him, however. After all, he’s going to die alone.

#jim kirk #james t kirk #star trek tos #headcanon discourse

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imnoexpertblog · 6 years ago

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Look Good, Feel Good

5/9/18

It would make perfect sense that as I am writing the Health and Beauty blog I am CRAVING EVERYTHING BAD FOR ME EVER. I’m usually craving-free unless it’s shark week. But I currently could go for all the fast food, all the chocolate, all the fried stuff. Hopefully writing this will pull me out of that state. I have a long list of things to cover in this category and it’s so hard to only pick a few to start with! Interesting stuff coming for sure.

Ever heard of Olly? The vitamins? Well if you haven’t, you’re missing out. After a little bit of time on third shift, my body started to reject sleeping during the day. It was weird because it was going fine initially, then not so much after a little while. Now it really just depends on the day or how much noise is being made near/in my apartment building. Anyway, falling asleep has never been my problem. It’s staying asleep that I just can’t seem to master most days. I started researching vitamins and supplements that might help me, but also isn’t entirely melatonin. If you take too much of it, your body can potentially stop making it on its own and that just sounds scary to me. I came across Olly Restful Sleep gummies. I looked on the Olly website, Amazon, and on Target and the reviews were mostly 4 stars and 5 stars. People were claiming it cured their insomnia after years of searching for a fix. I saw that people were a fan of it helping you fall asleep as well as stay asleep, which was my whole goal. The taste reviews were also positive! They are a “blackberry zen” flavor. I was thinking this stuff might be gold in the form of a purple gummy. These gummies are also a mixture of melatonin (for the healthy sleep-cycle), L-theanine (to encourage calmness), and botanicals (to soothe and relax). I liked everything I was reading so I ordered them for $11.99 on Amazon. I figured if they don’t work, I didn’t break the bank over it. I looked at other vitamins they offer and I also bought the Vitamin D gummies. I thought if I sleep all day and the sun goes down soon after I wake up, there is no way I am getting enough sunlight. I was also sold on them as soon as I saw that they were lemon flavored. I am obsessed with lemon. So, I bought both and continued to look at all the Olly vitamins. I eventually added Flawless Complexion and Undeniable Beauty to my cart on a regular basis. Flawless Complexion has kept my face very clear since having quit tanning. They are flavored “berry fresh” and consist of vitamin A and E antioxidants (to support clear skin), zinc and selenium minerals (for new skin regeneration and cell detox), and a bunch of botanicals for odetoxification). Undeniable Beauty is flavored “grapefruit glam” and consists of biotin (for growth of hair, skin and nails), vitamin C (for collagen production), and borage oil (for naturally occurring GLA). I like these 4 and can see results, so I will keep at it. I take the vitamin D every day. I take the sleep gummies at the beginning of my work week when it is most difficult to get back to day-sleeping (after having slept through the night with Baby over the weekend). I rotate the other two every other day to avoid overkill and gutrot. I have tried the Goodbye Stress ones as well as the Vibrant Skin, too. I cut the Vibrant Skin because I disliked the texture and I already take 2 vitamins for my skin. The Goodbye Stress vitamins didn’t seem to do anything for me. Reviews claim otherwise for some, which is great for them, but I didn’t see a difference myself. There are more for energy, probiotics, digestion, daily vitamins, etc. Olly also carries smoothie/shake mixes and now granola bars! I’m excited to try more of their products.

Keep Calm and Detox. I was feeling puffy after drinking one weekend (I was probably just dramatic, it was the first time I drank two nights in a row and I fully regretted that. If you know me, you know that I rarely drink) so I went searching for a detox tea. I wanted to make sure I was getting something legitimate and something reviewed well. These detox teas can be scams, part of fad diets, have the wrong ingredients, or can possibly just not work. Being on a budget, Zero Tea 14 Day Detox Tea caught my attention being only $15 for a 14 day package. The reviews were promising (4.5 stars for almost 900 reviews). It has organic rooibos, cinnamon, green tea, nutmeg, cloves, red peppercorn, orange peels, and cornflower. Most importantly (to me) it does not have any laxatives in it, natural or otherwise. It claimed to boost your metabolism and energy, promote proper digestion, reduce bloating and inflammation, and to detoxify of course. Plus, everyone was raving about the taste. Taste is a big thing for me because I am really not much of a tea drinker. I think it tastes dirty most of the time. Pushing that fact aside, I trusted what these people were saying and I ordered it. I started it the day after it arrived, steeping the bag in 8 oz. of water for 5 minutes and drinking it upon waking up (it also recommends drinking 8 oz. of water before the tea, as well). I really was okay with how it tasted! It was kind of cider-ish and also citrus-y. Technical terms, LOL. I lost 2.4 pounds in those 14 days and I truly felt it did what it claimed to. I felt great the whole two weeks, was less puffy, even had great skin the whole time, lost those couple pounds, had energy, and it curbed my appetite and cravings. I got a little coupon inside the bag stating that if I gave them a review, I would get a free bag! Baby and I are going to split it and both do 7 days with our free bag. I’m excited!

I have never been one to spend a lot of money on much of anything, but make-up especially. I was at Wal-Mart with Baby a couple weeks ago and we passed an end-cap with boxes full of make-up. They all were under $10, worth much more, and had about five items in each! You can bet I was immediately interested. Budget friendly make-up? Uh, yes please. I have a recent obsession with highlight so the Walmart Beauty Favorites Box: Glow For It was all I could look at. It comes with Covergirl Vitalist Healthy Glow Highlighter, Found Coconut Sheet Mask, Milani Make it Dewy Setting Spray, Hard Candy Rose Gold Highlighter, and Wet N Wild MegaGlo Highlighting Powder. Maybe it’s a little overboard to use the three highlighters and the setting spray all together but I do. Every. Day. They also have Time For Eyes and Latest in Lips for the Beauty Boxes. There are three Hair Favorites Boxes as well; Refresh Renew Extend, Love My Curls, and Naturally Inspired. I am very close to buying the Naturally Inspired Hair Box. Give these cheap boxes a look!

Okay. My struggle this week (and/or this past.. few months). I am back to the gym. Reluctantly. Again. I was going regularly in February and I was really proud of myself! Then I got deathly ill and didn’t go for about a week. That is understandable. But that is what did it for me, getting sick knocked me right off saddle. My main motivator now is that Baby and I get discounts on our memberships at Western Racquet if we go a certain amount of times each month. Otherwise, it’s not cheap. I always heard good things about that place but always knew how expensive it was. I wasn’t interested in spending more than $20 a month, which was what I paid at Planet Fitness. Baby’s friend gave him a two-week trial at Western and he LOVED IT. He knew he was going to sign up right away. He then had me do a two-week trial. It’s very nice in there, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t hooked though until I used the steam room and showers. HOLY MOLY. I never showered at Planet Fitness when I worked out there. There was nothing special about the showers or locker room there and I usually prefer to shower at home. But. Steaming changed the game for me. I had no idea how great it feels or how amazing it would be for my skin. The showers have hair/body soap dispensers and they even have little changing sections in each of them! Western provides towels, Q-tips, tampons, cotton balls, lotion, mouthwash, hair driers, SO MUCH STUFF. I don’t use the sauna but they have one of those too! I think having all of that is definitely worth the membership. Text WRFC to 95577 for a free two-week trial if you live in the area! Back to my struggle though, I really don’t feel like working out lately. My body just doesn’t want to sleep through the day these past couple weeks and I’m not sure what to do about it. Lacking the energy I would have if I slept enough is holding me back for sure. I’m just going to keep pushing myself to get to the gym, taking my Olly sleep gummies, forcing myself back to sleep every time I wake up, and look into ‘sleepy’ teas to potentially knock me out. If you have any tips, let me know! I already have black-out curtains and sleep with an eye-mask. Ya girl is TIRED.

I hope you survive Hump Day! I look forward to our next requested blog; anxiety in relationships. I’m off to sleep soon, wish me luck!

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vanityfairness · 6 years ago

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June 2018 Empties

* = disliked the product - would not repurchase ** = liked the product - would not repurchase *** = liked the product - might or might not repurchase **** = loved the product - would repurchase *HOLY GRAIL!*

1. Jayjun Cosmetic Anti-Dust Therapy Mask source: T&T Supermarket thoughts: I was definitely not expecting this mask to be green but it was. It reminds me of the movie The Mask, if anyone rememebers that. This mask was okay I didn’t find that it did much aside from the typical stuff (hydrate a bit etc). I haven’t used step 1 or 3 so I can’t say if those are any good. But I’ll probably try those out once I get through more of these masks and collect more. rating: **

2. Jayjun Cosmetic Baby Pure Shining Mask source: T&T Supermarket thoughts: This was okay not something I really like. rating: *

3. The Face Shop The Solution: Smoothing Face Mask source: The Face Shop thoughts: I actually like this one and always have a few in my stash. It does smooth out my skin as it does contain BHA. Absolutely enjoy using this. rating: ****

4. The Face Shop The Solution: Pore Care Face Mask source: The Face Shop thoughts: I don’t really think this has helped my pores. I found that this kind of made my pores appear a little bigger. I have used this in the past and haven’t really noticed it until now. It does contain tannin which is suppose to help with pores. rating: ***

5. By Wishtrend Natural Vitamin 21.5 Enhancing Sheet Mask source: Wishtrend thoughts: This was the first time I’ve used this. I wasn’t a big fan, since the mask sheet was pretty thick, and I do like my mask sheets on the thinner side. I can’t really say if it does what it claims yet. I will have to try it a few more times to see if it does. rating: ***

6. Tata Harper Refreshing Cleanser source: sample thoughts: I just found out that I didn’t use this product properly as it was suppose to be used on dry skin. No wonder it felt a little odd, because as I was using this I found it to be similar to a cleansing balm. Lo and behold it’s suppose to act as just that. Regardless, I did enjoy using this and it was a light cleanser that did not feel heavy on the skin. My skin did feel very nice and refreshed. The scent of this is on the citrusy side and it’s not too strong. I really enjoyed using this, however this product is pricey hence I would not purchase it. rating: **

7. Nature Republic Ginseng Royal Silk Foam Cleanser source: sample thoughts: This cleanser actually didn’t foam up that much. It was thick and heavy for my liking. However, it did make my skin nice and soft. Also the scent of this is very strong which is something that I don’t like too much. It’s a scent that does not bother me though. Overall, it wasn’t a bad cleanser but I would have to say that if you do wear a lot of make-up you would need to double cleanse, as I can see that this cleanser would not remove all the make up. rating: **

8. Skinfood Rice Daily Brightening Cleansing Foam source: sample thoughts: I wasn’t a big fan of this as it was really thick, but a little does go a long way. I don’t really like keeping foil packets open for a long time, hence I used it up in a day, morning and night. I didn’t notice any difference to my skin, but I feel like it’s a decent cleanser. rating: *

9. dermalogica precleanse source: sephora sample thoughts: I don’t know why but I was expecting this to be like a cream. However, this was like an oil kind of cleanser, that was light and turned milky as you massage it. It didn’t break me out which is a plus. I did like the experience, but I hate the feeling of it, hence I would not purchase this. rating: **

10. Garnier Makeup Removing Lotion Cleanser (5ml) source: sample thoughts: I’ve had this cleanser in my stash for a long time now, and I have finally tried it. This is like a cleansing balm. It did break up my makeup well but I’m not sure about the waterproof mascara part, since I usually only put on foundation and concealer. There was no scent to this either, and it had a very light feeling to it. Overall, it was a good cleanser. I did have to double cleanse though on days I wear a full face of makeup. The texture of this was nice and fluffy too. rating: **

11. SK-II Facial Treatment Essence (10ml) source: Yesstyle thoughts: I have heard a lot about this product, hence I decided to purchase a small bottle since I wasn’t willing to spend over $200 for the full size. It was also so I won’t be heartborken for spending such a large sum on something I wasn’t sure was good or not. Lo and behold, I’m not a big fan of this. A lot of people have mentioned the scent and the scent really did get to me. It wasn’t a scent that I was pleased with. Everytime I used it I would gag a little inside because of the scent. However this was more moisturizing compared to the Skin & Lab’s Bio-essence and Missha’s Time Revolution. rating: *

12. The Face Shop Herb Day Cleansing Tissue (70 sheets) source: The Face Shop thoughts: These are my holy grail cleasing tissues. It removes majority of my make-up and are very soft plus gentle. They also have a refreshing scent to them. I always have a pack in my stash. rating: *HOLY GRAIL!*

14. fresh Sugar Lip Treatment (4.3g/ 0.15oz) source: Sephora thoughts: I absolutely love fresh’s sugar lip treatments. I only bought this one because of the limited edition packagaing which a part of the proceeds would go to a fund for HIV medicine. The packaging has more of a weight than the regular ones and is glossy rather than the matte/satin finish. I’ve actually been trying to find a dupe for these but have yet to find one. I bought one of kiehl’s butter lip treatment and it’s just not the same. It’s just not as moisturizing as the fresh ones. Plus now that I think about it, it’s kind of worth the price considering it does last me a year or more. rating: ****

15. Thank You Farmer True Water Deep Serum & Cream (15ml/ 0.52oz) source: StyleKorean thoughts: These two products were amazing when used together. I noticed that my face would have that glow/ glass skin look afterwards. These were also hydrating,The texture of the serum was very liquid and the cream had a gel texture to it. Both products spread very easily on the skin, as long as you have enough on. The serum didn’t have much of a scent, although at times I do pick up a faint scent of something that I can’t put my finger on. As for the cream it has a light citrus scent to it. These products lasted me for a month, making them great for travelling with. Overall,I really enjoyed using these but I’m not sure if I really like the texture of these products. But I got to say that my skin looked amazing throughout my use of these products, I may consider these products in the future if the products in my stash don’t work out. I also just looked at the description for these products and it’s interesting what it says about them. True Water Deep Serum: A deep hydrating serum with a unique texture that moistens the tired and dried skin as the morning dews moisten the earth. True Water Deep Cream: A deep hydrating cream with unique liquid glue texture that comforts your tired and dried skin as if you find an oasis in the middle of the dessert. I purchased mine on stylekorean in a kit, which also came with a sunscreen. I would love to try other products by this brand in the future. rating: ***

16. 3W Clinic 100% Aloe Vera Soothing Gel (300g/ 10.58oz) source: YesStyle thoughts: This tub of aloe has really saved me especially when I randomly broke out in hives. It just relieved the itchiness, plus it’s hydrating and soothing to an extent. rating: ****

17. dear, klairs Rich Moist Foaming Cleanser (100ml/ 3.4oz) source: Wishtrend thoughts: This is a very nice foam cleanser so far. I had 3 in my stash and this is my second one now. I really like the ease of this as I don’t have to rub to create the foam. I think this may be my favourite foam cleanser so far; do keep in mind I haven’t tried that many foam cleansers. I do like that this is nice and light. However, I do finish these so fast compared to a regular cleanser where I need to create foam. I used this up roughly in a month, but I did use this day and night,. rating: ****

18. Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Essence (150ml) source: YesStyle thoughts: I thought I’d give this a try since I really enjoyed Skin & Lab’s Bio-essence. This did last me 2 weeks longer than the Skin & Lab’s, however I found that this wasn’t as hydrating as the Skin & Lab’s. I mentioned that SK-II one was the most hydrating, and here is how I determined it: by the amounts of layers needed to achieve desired hydration level. SK-II 1 layer; Skin & Lab Bio-essence 3 layers; Missha Time Revolution 4-5 layers. I couldn’t detect a scent with this which is why I do like it. Overall, I really do like using this as it does help with hydrating my skin. I got this in a kit on yesstyle. Also I think this may be the product that had made my skin glowing, but I will have to test it out again to see, since I finished this and have rotated it out. rating: ****

David’s Tea Sunny C During the summer time, I tend to like to drink a lot of herbal/ fruit infusion teas. I loved the tea called orange glow from David’s but sadly they discontinued that and I thought I’d try this to see if this was a good substitute. This wasn’t bad, however I can really taste the ascorbic acid. This really feels like a healthier version of Sunny D. This tea contains apple, carrots, pineapple, orange, hibiscus, lemon peel, pink peppercorns, safflowers, ascorbic acid (vitamin C), and natural flavours. rating: ***

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stellatateblog · 7 years ago

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T nation write up

T nation has a lot of good articles came across this one just now..

T Nation addresses the current state of steroid science, this time addressing off-season drug cycles, scar tissue from injections, the overblown dangers of oral steroids, and a one-shot-a-month cruise.

Off-Season Cycling for Bodybuilders

T NationWhat does a typical off-season cycle look like for some of the bigger competitive bodybuilders (heavyweight or super heavyweight)? Admittedly, things vary a bit from guy to guy, but once you reach a certain level of development there are a few constants. Most of the big guys will run a Testosterone base since we’re talking offseason, usually enanthate or cypionate at around 1200-2000 mg per week. Testosterone (T) is the bread and butter of any cycle; I rarely work with anyone that doesn’t run a decent dose. Sometimes I’ll have a guy that likes to keep his anabolics (boldenone, nandrolone) higher than his T dose, but that’s rare. Next up would be the anabolic, and most bigger dudes will run 600-1000 mg per week of either Equipoise (boldenone) or Deca-Durabolin (nandrolone). Sometimes they’ll use Primobolan or trenbelone, but that’s not typical in the offseason; most stick with just boldenone and nandrolone and alternate back and forth between the two, say 8-10 week periods of each. After that, you’re looking at a daily growth hormone dose (4-10 IUs/day). I personally don’t think there’s any need to go higher than that, though some will run more if they can afford it. Most guys (not all, mind you, but most) will use insulin too, usually Humulin-R or Humalog at around 10-20 units per day. Again, this is something that some will use more of, but I don’t think that’s wise from a health standpoint or even needed, from a growth standpoint. After that, some might run the odd oral steroid here and there, such as a 4-week cycle of Dianabol or Anadrol every couple months or so, but again, that’s not really necessary some guys just like the quick boost in strength and water bloat. Oh, and most will run some sort of anti-estrogen year round too, like Arimidex at 1 mg every other day or thereabouts. That pretty much covers the basics. Injection Site Scarring

T Nation: Say I’ve started my first serious off-season cycle: 2-3 grams a week of gear, not including orals. I gotta say, it’s a lot of injections way more than my poor glutes and delts are used to. How do the guys at the top level deal with things like scar tissue? Well, first off, nobody in their right mind uses large gauge needles anymore; long gone are the days of 18g-22g harpoons or those "classic" Sustanon redi-jects. Nowadays, most guys are using 23-25 gauge pins, which are much smaller and don’t create near as much damage. Still, they’re doing a lot of shots per week, so they’re forced to rotate sites often. Standard body parts like glutes, quads, and delts are just part of the rotation they also hit lats (lats can easily take 3 cc’s), biceps, triceps, traps, rear delts and even chest that one always gives me the heebie-jeebies though; I suppose I’ve seen Pulp Fictiontoo many times to give that site an honest go. You also have to remember that there’s a bit of a benefit to scar tissue in certain areas when it builds up, it basically provides a cosmetic effect, not too unlike Synthol. If you build up enough scar tissue in your rear delts, they’re going to look bigger (and not stupid, if you do it right); same thing for parts like the outer lats. But if the real issue is you simply hate pinning yourself, that’s another matter entirely. Either get over it or quit no one’s forcing you to be a bodybuilder, right? Chinese GH

T Nation: Everyone is using generic Chinese growth hormone these days. How good is this stuff, really? Is it made in a Beijing bathtub? I keep seeing news stories about toys from China being recalled for containing lead and whatnot, and that’s not even the black market! When the generics first hit the market a few years back, I too, was skeptical, but the results I’ve seen (and experienced) so far have been good, for the most part. The cost of Chinese GH is so much cheaper than domestic pharmacy grade GH (under $2 per IU when purchased in bulk, as opposed to at least $6-8 per IU for the pharmaceutical grade stuff) that you can’t help but wonder about the quality of it, but it’s no big mystery: we all know the Chinese can produce a shit ton of stuff for next to nothing, and without rigid pharmaceutical standards to adhere to or other pesky ethical roadblocks like labor standards their overhead can be significantly lower. That obviously brings issues like quality and potency into question. I know some guys that have a hookup with a lab and for the past year have been testing Chinese GH for quality and quantity per vial. Quantity-wise, the results haven’t exactly been consistent some of the 10 IU vials have registered at only 4 IUs, while others have checked out at 9-9.5 IUs. There even was an 8 IU vial that actually checked out at 9 IUs per vial what a deal! Quality wise, it’s a better story. I’ve never seen one come back positive for lead or arsenic, so as far as I can tell I think we’re all good on that front. It appears it’s just a matter of getting the quantity you think you’re paying for. Quite honestly, even if it’s slightly less potent than the label claims it to be, in my mind the cost reduction more than makes up for it. But I suppose it goes without saying that you should always be confident in what you’re putting into your body, so trusting your source is of the utmost importance. I know the black market is always shady, and suffice it to say, regular business rules don’t always apply, but at least try to get to know your source so that you can develop a sense of trust in whatever you’re getting. Here’s what I suggest let them know that you’re aware of testing to determine the potency and quality if they know you’re going to be checking on them, they’ll be less likely to pass along a shoddy product. Steroid Hepatotoxicity

T Nation: We’ve heard that the negative effects of oral steroids are grossly overstated, and taking something as benign as a Tylenol a day is more harmful to the liver. What gives? I will admit, the hepatotoxicity of steroids (especially orals) is overstated. Ask anyone who works in an ER and they will tell you that Tylenol causes far more liver failures than oral steroids and yes, I realize that there are many more Tylenol-users than there are admitted oral steroid-users but steroid use has increased exponentially since the 1970s while liver failure has not. You do the math. That’s not to say oral steroids or any steroids are "safe," by any means, but I would be much more concerned about their effects on blood pressure and hemoglobin/hematocrit than the liver. That said, some of my guys will limit their oral use to pre-contest only, when it’s pretty much mandatory, and stick to injectables in the offseason. I do, however, still have quite a few guys who will run orals in the offseason as well, and so far none have had any issues (we keep tabs on things with blood work every 3 months or so). Speaking of blood work, here’s something to note: everyone focuses on ALT (alanine transaminase) and AST (aspartate aminotransferase) levels as being the main indicators of liver health, but there are many things that can throw those numbers off like training, possessing higher amounts of muscle mass, or having a higher BMI. If you can, make sure you get GGT (gamma-glutamyl transpeptidase) included with your bloodwork it’s a much better indicator of liver health. I’ve seen many bodybuilders with elevated AST and ALT levels, but have yet to see any with an elevated GGT. Still, I have all my guys take liver supplements like Milk Thistle and Liv-52, year round. Testosterone Undecanoate

T Nation: We’ve heard that some guys between "blast" phases are "cruising" with a really long-estered Testosterone, something like a once-a-month shot? What’s this all about? What you’re referring to is Testosterone undecanoate, in injectable form. You may have heard of TU before it was originally produced in an oral form called "Andriol," that supposedly worked by way of the lymphatic system but never really panned out, results-wise. The injectable form is a different story. Known by its pharmaceutical name "Nebido," it’s been prescribed for years in Europe and other countries around the world. It comes in a 4 ml. amp that contains a total of 1,000 mg of TU, and is usually injected in 6-14 week intervals. For many bodybuilders, this is obviously much less of a hassle than taking a shot of cypionate or enanthate every 3 to 7 days. The FDA has yet to approve Nebido for use in the US, but UGLs (underground laboratories) can easily obtain TU in powder form and manufacture it themselves, so it’s readily available to those in the know. Some guys like "cruising" with it between cycles, and some even run it year round, as a "backdrop" to their bigger cycles. I can’t say that it offers much benefit to the user other than the reduced injection frequency, but like I discussed above in the scar tissue question, the fewer shots you can do, especially at the pro level, the better.

T nation write up syndicated from https://ugbodybuildingblog.wordpress.com/

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ugbodybuilding · 7 years ago

Text

T nation write up

T nation has a lot of good articles came across this one just now.. T Nation addresses the current state of steroid science, this time addressing off-season drug cycles, scar tissue from injections, the overblown dangers of oral steroids, and a one-shot-a-month cruise. Off-Season Cycling for Bodybuilders T NationWhat does a typical off-season cycle look like for some of the bigger competitive bodybuilders (heavyweight or super heavyweight)? Admittedly, things vary a bit from guy to guy, but once you reach a certain level of development there are a few constants. Most of the big guys will run a Testosterone base since we're talking offseason, usually enanthate or cypionate at around 1200-2000 mg per week. Testosterone (T) is the bread and butter of any cycle; I rarely work with anyone that doesn't run a decent dose. Sometimes I'll have a guy that likes to keep his anabolics (boldenone, nandrolone) higher than his T dose, but that's rare. Next up would be the anabolic, and most bigger dudes will run 600-1000 mg per week of either Equipoise (boldenone) or Deca-Durabolin (nandrolone). Sometimes they'll use Primobolan or trenbelone, but that's not typical in the offseason; most stick with just boldenone and nandrolone and alternate back and forth between the two, say 8-10 week periods of each. After that, you're looking at a daily growth hormone dose (4-10 IUs/day). I personally don't think there's any need to go higher than that, though some will run more if they can afford it. Most guys (not all, mind you, but most) will use insulin too, usually Humulin-R or Humalog at around 10-20 units per day. Again, this is something that some will use more of, but I don't think that's wise from a health standpoint or even needed, from a growth standpoint. After that, some might run the odd oral steroid here and there, such as a 4-week cycle of Dianabol or Anadrol every couple months or so, but again, that's not really necessary some guys just like the quick boost in strength and water bloat. Oh, and most will run some sort of anti-estrogen year round too, like Arimidex at 1 mg every other day or thereabouts. That pretty much covers the basics. Injection Site Scarring T Nation: Say I've started my first serious off-season cycle: 2-3 grams a week of gear, not including orals. I gotta say, it's a lot of injections way more than my poor glutes and delts are used to. How do the guys at the top level deal with things like scar tissue? Well, first off, nobody in their right mind uses large gauge needles anymore; long gone are the days of 18g-22g harpoons or those "classic" Sustanon redi-jects. Nowadays, most guys are using 23-25 gauge pins, which are much smaller and don't create near as much damage. Still, they're doing a lot of shots per week, so they're forced to rotate sites often. Standard body parts like glutes, quads, and delts are just part of the rotation they also hit lats (lats can easily take 3 cc's), biceps, triceps, traps, rear delts and even chest that one always gives me the heebie-jeebies though; I suppose I've seen Pulp Fictiontoo many times to give that site an honest go. You also have to remember that there's a bit of a benefit to scar tissue in certain areas when it builds up, it basically provides a cosmetic effect, not too unlike Synthol. If you build up enough scar tissue in your rear delts, they're going to look bigger (and not stupid, if you do it right); same thing for parts like the outer lats. But if the real issue is you simply hate pinning yourself, that's another matter entirely. Either get over it or quit no one's forcing you to be a bodybuilder, right? Chinese GH T Nation: Everyone is using generic Chinese growth hormone these days. How good is this stuff, really? Is it made in a Beijing bathtub? I keep seeing news stories about toys from China being recalled for containing lead and whatnot, and that's not even the black market! When the generics first hit the market a few years back, I too, was skeptical, but the results I've seen (and experienced) so far have been good, for the most part. The cost of Chinese GH is so much cheaper than domestic pharmacy grade GH (under $2 per IU when purchased in bulk, as opposed to at least $6-8 per IU for the pharmaceutical grade stuff) that you can't help but wonder about the quality of it, but it's no big mystery: we all know the Chinese can produce a shit ton of stuff for next to nothing, and without rigid pharmaceutical standards to adhere to or other pesky ethical roadblocks like labor standards their overhead can be significantly lower. That obviously brings issues like quality and potency into question. I know some guys that have a hookup with a lab and for the past year have been testing Chinese GH for quality and quantity per vial. Quantity-wise, the results haven't exactly been consistent some of the 10 IU vials have registered at only 4 IUs, while others have checked out at 9-9.5 IUs. There even was an 8 IU vial that actually checked out at 9 IUs per vial what a deal! Quality wise, it's a better story. I've never seen one come back positive for lead or arsenic, so as far as I can tell I think we're all good on that front. It appears it's just a matter of getting the quantity you think you're paying for. Quite honestly, even if it's slightly less potent than the label claims it to be, in my mind the cost reduction more than makes up for it. But I suppose it goes without saying that you should always be confident in what you're putting into your body, so trusting your source is of the utmost importance. I know the black market is always shady, and suffice it to say, regular business rules don't always apply, but at least try to get to know your source so that you can develop a sense of trust in whatever you're getting. Here's what I suggest let them know that you're aware of testing to determine the potency and quality if they know you're going to be checking on them, they'll be less likely to pass along a shoddy product. Steroid Hepatotoxicity T Nation: We've heard that the negative effects of oral steroids are grossly overstated, and taking something as benign as a Tylenol a day is more harmful to the liver. What gives? I will admit, the hepatotoxicity of steroids (especially orals) is overstated. Ask anyone who works in an ER and they will tell you that Tylenol causes far more liver failures than oral steroids and yes, I realize that there are many more Tylenol-users than there are admitted oral steroid-users but steroid use has increased exponentially since the 1970s while liver failure has not. You do the math. That's not to say oral steroids or any steroids are "safe," by any means, but I would be much more concerned about their effects on blood pressure and hemoglobin/hematocrit than the liver. That said, some of my guys will limit their oral use to pre-contest only, when it's pretty much mandatory, and stick to injectables in the offseason. I do, however, still have quite a few guys who will run orals in the offseason as well, and so far none have had any issues (we keep tabs on things with blood work every 3 months or so). Speaking of blood work, here's something to note: everyone focuses on ALT (alanine transaminase) and AST (aspartate aminotransferase) levels as being the main indicators of liver health, but there are many things that can throw those numbers off like training, possessing higher amounts of muscle mass, or having a higher BMI. If you can, make sure you get GGT (gamma-glutamyl transpeptidase) included with your bloodwork it's a much better indicator of liver health. I've seen many bodybuilders with elevated AST and ALT levels, but have yet to see any with an elevated GGT. Still, I have all my guys take liver supplements like Milk Thistle and Liv-52, year round. Testosterone Undecanoate T Nation: We've heard that some guys between "blast" phases are "cruising" with a really long-estered Testosterone, something like a once-a-month shot? What's this all about? What you're referring to is Testosterone undecanoate, in injectable form. You may have heard of TU before it was originally produced in an oral form called "Andriol," that supposedly worked by way of the lymphatic system but never really panned out, results-wise. The injectable form is a different story. Known by its pharmaceutical name "Nebido," it's been prescribed for years in Europe and other countries around the world. It comes in a 4 ml. amp that contains a total of 1,000 mg of TU, and is usually injected in 6-14 week intervals. For many bodybuilders, this is obviously much less of a hassle than taking a shot of cypionate or enanthate every 3 to 7 days. The FDA has yet to approve Nebido for use in the US, but UGLs (underground laboratories) can easily obtain TU in powder form and manufacture it themselves, so it's readily available to those in the know. Some guys like "cruising" with it between cycles, and some even run it year round, as a "backdrop" to their bigger cycles. I can't say that it offers much benefit to the user other than the reduced injection frequency, but like I discussed above in the scar tissue question, the fewer shots you can do, especially at the pro level, the better.

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robertsneagle · 8 years ago

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50 Ideas to Organize Your Home

When you have a home, you have a need for home organization. Fact is, we all have “stuff”. And “stuff”, can end up slowing down our day, and ruffling our feathers in the evening. “Stuff” quickly becomes clutter, and who wants that?

If you have stacks of papers that belong no where, crazy and chaotic mornings, or lost car keys, check out these easy ideas.

Evenings/Mornings:

1. This one is pretty self explanatory… Lay our everything you are going toneed in the morning the night before, and teach your kids to do the same. Photo below by ‘BHG‘.

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2. Have a central area for purses, keys and your wallet. Always put it there. Always.

3. Set out everything for breakfast that is non refrigerated, right down to the spoons. Obviously, this means knowing whats for breakfast the night before. No stops at Krispy Kreme, ok?

4. Write up a daily to do list for the next morning on your smart phone and put priority items first. Move items from today that didn’t get done into tomorrows list. Update your calendar. We like an app called “Cozi“. It has the capability to handle your whole families activities, and you can even keep your grocery list there. This calendar lets each family member share with one, two or all other members what their schedule is. It can also send you email reminders, like for trash day. Oh, and it’s free. Photo by ‘Container Store‘.

5. Go get gas, pick up the first graders cupcakes, or get that pencil sharpener that your high schooler can never seem to find. Don’t put off errands ’till morning when everything is busy.

Bathrooms:

6. Keep your bathroom paraphernalia out of sight when not in use. Buy a plastic carry all with a handle on top, or a pretty basket. Put all of your make up, deodorant, hair spray, razors, etc. into the container and place under the counter. Bring it out when you need it, then always put it right back underneath.

7. Shower caddies are essential for keeping the shampoos, conditioner, face scrubs and specialty in-shower treatments from taking over the whole space. (Guilty.) This one is from ‘The Container Store‘.

8. Squeegee your shower doors after every single shower. Keeping the squeegee right in the shower makes that easier. Add a little suction cup hook if you need. If you have a shower curtain, use a daily shower spray to keep clean up from being impossible when you finally get around to a whole bathroom cleaning.

9. A strip of magnetic tape (any craft store) or a magnetic knife holder can help keep items like nail clippers, tweezers and scissors handy.

10. Use those wasted corners and awkward space to put in a freestanding cabinet to add storage. Photo by ‘BHG‘. Remember to repurpose to save bucks, paint is everything!

11. Once a month, go through your bathroom cupboards and drawers and throw away old or ineffective products you never use.

12. Roll your towels and use them as decor tucked into pretty baskets on piled on a bench. Check out our post on DYSS on DIY bathroom towel storage! Photo by ‘BHG“.

13. Use wall hooks for hanging towels, robes and clothing. Behind the door is a great way to use wasted space.

14. Use drawer organizers for makeup, jewelry, ponytail holders, and other loose items. Or make your own. Try our post on budget make up storage for ideas.

15. Use pretty floating shelves to add storage above the toilet, and add value to the room. Need tutorials? DIY floating shelves.

16. Use a timer in each bathroom, and use it… This is great for getting out the door on time, AND getting teenagers out of the shower.

Closet:

17. Place color separate baskets in your closet for laundry, and one for dry cleaning. This will save you time sorting clothes, and you will always know when you have enough colors for a full load.

18. If you haven’t worn it in a year, donate it. Goodwill and some other charities even take worn out clothes, as it employs people while they are redirected to recyclers.

19. Sort your clothes by season, and only keep the present season in your closet. Pack out of season clothes away in an under bed storage container. DIY under bed storage ideas!

20. Put your clothes in categories that work for you. Color, formality, type or office wear are good places to start. This will save you time putting together outfits, and save you money from re-purchasing items you didn’t remember you had, as they were buried in the closet… somewhere. Inevitably to make their re-appearance right after the return window on your new item has expired.

21. Recycle wire hangers. Clothes simply slide off of them to the floor. Get velvet hangers at Costco to hold even the slinkiest silk dress. Or make your own with this tutorial on no slip hangers by Diane from ‘In My Own Style’.

22. Use a system for hanging scarves and belts. Shoving them in a drawer is no good for anyone.

23. Use a shoe rack. Rotate out of season shoes just the way you rotate out of season clothes. No reason for six pairs of leather boots to bury all your cute sandals in July.

24. Use hooks on any closet wall space to hang purses, jackets, and accessories. Photo by ‘HGTV‘.

25. Use vacuum sealed bags to store out of season clothes in a tight space. Just don’t use this method on delicate fabrics, as the wrinkles could become permanent.

Kitchen:

26. Organize your kitchen cabinets into categories. Make sure your cups are near the fridge so you can easily pour that afternoon juice, and your utensil drawer is near the dishwasher so you don’t have to make ten trips across the kitchen. Pots and pans? Near the stove. Kids plates? On a lower shelf so they can get to them without calling you from the first bath you have had in a month. Getting it?

27. Keep whatever you use for a pantry immaculate. No where does clutter make more of a mess than with food. Try our post on organizing your pantry.

28. Add a kitchen island to a small kitchen to increase storage and prep space. No worries, we’ve got that covered for you too. DIY kitchen islands, and more DIY kitchen islands! Want some more? Try this DIY rolling kitchen island from Jen at ‘House of Wood’!

29. Use an inexpensive plastic lazy-susan in the back of deep cupboards, so you never forget whats hiding back there!

30. Try to store tupperware in a drawer rather than a shelf, as that way you will always be able to find a matching lid.

31. Only keep things on the counter you use often. We only keep the Vita Mix and the Keurig on the counter, even the toaster goes in the pantry and gets brought out daily when needed. And if I could convince my other half, the Vita Mix would go under the counter too! (Not the Keurig folks, at this very minute I’m sipping its second offering of the day.)

32. Do you have cards and scraps of paper with scribbled recipes on them? I don’t even care if they are printed from your computer, time to come into the 21st century people. “Evernote” is a free app, where you can take photos of each recipe with your phone or tablet, add them and even organize them into folders. (Thanks to reader Karen for this tip!)

33. Have a whole closet full of plastic grocery store bags? Tuck 10-20 into one or two bags to hang onto, then recycle your plastic bags folks!

34. Keep your fridge clean. Every time you go to the grocery store, make sure to clean out the old food and toss. Rotate older food into the front so it is used up first. Try these 7 steps to an organized fridge. Jessica at ‘Four Generations, One Roof‘ uses containers to hold containers in her fridge. Love this idea!

Kid’s Room:

35. Hang a hoop over a laundry basket for slam-dunking dirty clothes.

36. Or, place a two-compartment hamper in your kid’s room so he or she can sort light clothes from dark clothes as they undress.

37. Use poster putty in your child’s room and have your child display his or her favorite artwork all on one wall, gallery style.

38. Hang a net from the ceiling to store stuffed animals, dolls, or action figures.

39. Add wall mounted bookshelves and help your child organize their books. Make sure you remember if you place a large bookshelf in a child’s room, bolt it to the wall for safety. Need ideas? Try our post at DYSS on creative bookshelf projects.

40. Buy the kids their own alarm clocks and teach them how to get up on time. By themselves. Without you.

Misc.

41. Make sure everything in your house has a home. Teach all family members to mind their own messes. For example, if you take it out, put it back; if you open it, close it; if you throw it down, pick it up; if you make a mess, clean it up; and so on.

42. Put wastebaskets in every room and place several unused trash bags in the bottom of each one. This will eliminate countless trips to retrieve new trash bags and give all family members a place to throw away their trash.

43. Make sure the remotes have a drawer, basket or shelf to live on. How often have you found it under the sofa?

44. Use a plastic caddy to store cleaning supplies in and tote it from room to room.

45. Use a plastic laundry basket for quick pick up and transport of toys to their proper homes each evening.

46. Make a designated area for homework, crafts or sewing. You can create a very organized space in a small area, and that prevents you from having projects strewn all over the house. Photo of this craft area by ‘Country Living‘.

47. Each night before bedtime, have all family members pick up clutter for 15 minutes. Make a game out of it and see who can pick up the most things in the shortest amount of time.

48. Have one designated spot where kids are to leave school flyers, permission slips that need to be signed and school photo envelopes. Make this part of the nightly “laying out for tomorrow” habit.

49. Make a master grocery list on the app or website of your choice. Categorize the groceries into sections such as frozen, dairy, and so on. In each category, list the most frequent items that you buy. Organize the grocery list according to the way your favorite grocery store’s isles are set up. Make sure each adult or teenager has the app loaded on their phone as well. If they forget to add Pop Tarts to the list, then they are eating oatmeal.

50. Don’t leave things ’till later. Procrastination is the number one cause of clutter and mess. Take care of it right then and there.

Make sure your home runs as smoothly as it can, and that you can take the time to enjoy it, instead of always dealing with clutter and chaos.

Image Credits: Country Living, BHG, Good Housekeeping, Container Store, Interior Design Inspiration, HGTV, House of Wood, Four Generations, One Roof

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Original Entry Source: http://www.thebudgetdecorator.com/50-ideas-to-organize-your-home/

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insanemoonfish · 8 years ago

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Why! those useless, vain forms are! so fun to fill!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal than milk, because I already get my daily intake of milk with my coffee!

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No because it ends up messing with my nose! And I hate feeling cold!

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I usually read on my phone or memorize the page number. If I really need a bookmark I just use a scrap of paper.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea bag in mug with hot microwaved water, coffee powder in mug with hot microwaved milk (plus cinnamon, sweetener, and vitamins).

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Not really but I dislike my face in general :'D I have this thing where I don't truly recognize my face as my own ???

6: do you keep plants? No, but I may keep a garden in the future because I love flowers!

7: do you name your plants? I'm the kind of person who names RPG characters as their class! So my plants would have very creative names like Rose and Carnation!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I don't really express my feelings, I stomp on them! But I guess I can draw!

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes, it's fun and keeps me awake!

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side until I'm drowsy enough, then on my back like in a coffin!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? What friends!??!? Jokes?? AHAHA

12: what's your favorite planet? Shockingly I don't have one! I like Uranus because it's light blue but the name!!!!!

13: what's something that made you smile today? MEMES!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Like hell!

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Why... okay. "Neutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second." IDK if this is true!

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Instant emergency noodles!

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? White! I wanna be a white-haired animu grill!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. What! Friends!!!

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Yes, I write down my nightmares! It makes them less frequent and scary for some reason!

20: what's your favorite eye color? Grey, maybe! All are great!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I have had a few school backpacks like that!

22: are you a morning person? I can function at morning, but I without a doubt work better at night! Not sure if that counts as not being a morning person!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? HAHAHAHAHAA!!!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? I DON'T EVEN TRUST MYSELF

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? WHY WOULD I EVER- some abandoned houses, some classrooms, some janitor's closets, some school storerooms,

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Boots > shoes :)

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? TUTTI-FRUTTI!!!! I'M CHEWING SOME RIGHT NOW

28: sunrise or sunset? SUNSET. SUNRISE SUCKS not only because it lasts for exact 5 seconds BUT BECAUSE IT'S COLD and school time! Sunsets are cool because they remind me of DEATH!

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? IDK I'm easily impressed most people can just breathe and I'll find it "endearing" and fascinating

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? YEAH DAMNED NIGHTMARES JUST

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS, THERE ARE 0 REASONS TO NOT LOVE THEM. But I don't sleep with them unless it's very cold. And black socks all the way.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. R E G R E T S

33: what's your fave pastry? IS THE CAKE THING OF A PETIT GATEAU A PASTRY? I DON'T KNOW MANY OF THEM AND I'M TOO TIRED TO GOOGLE IT

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? PURA THE TIGER, named after the tiger from Crash Bandicoot. It was the Parmalat tiger without the milk bag that I cut off. No, I donated it because it made me nostalgic.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Whas this :'D I don't care about pretty I literally only bring 2 cheap black retractable pens to school

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Don't ask me about music THANK YOU

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean because I'm allergic to dust!

38: tell us about your pet peeves! When people assume things about me hhhhhhhhh

39: what color do you wear the most? Black, reds and navy 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? A silver necklace with a black pendant! IT REMINDS ME OF DEATH!!1 I'M REPEATING MYSELF!

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? The Miserables! Even though I don't remember it well, even after reading it TWICE! HOW! YOU GO, ME!

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! I HAVE COFFEE AT HOME ONLY ‘CAUSE I’M BROKE

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Don't remember, wasn't special

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? TODAY. IN THE CORE OF THE STRESS ZONE LIES A SERENITY ZONE, ALWAYS. CAN'T MISS IT.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? NO. FUCK INSTINCTS

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I'M TERRIBLE AT THESE AND I CAN'T THINK AT THE MOMENT.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? P E P P E R

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? ANGRY PEOPLE CHASING ME TO HURT ME IN VARIOUS WAYS! YES!

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? NO! LONG LIVE ONLINE PIRACY!

50: what's an odd thing you collect? NIGHTMARES!

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I won't say names but there's A BOY, MY ANNOYING FRIEND WHO'S AN ENDLESS UNWANTED SOURCE OF SHITTY MEMES, that I always associate with the song "The Worse It Gets" from Penguin Prison.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? OH there's that jojo "to be continued" one, that brain illumination one, that one where a picture gets less and less detailed I don't even know

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Look this thing seemed smaller a few minutes ago and I want to finish it quickly and go to sleep

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? I'm the worst at recognizing what others are feeling and I don't pay attention because it's rude to stare and not my business

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? I feel that I have a lot of examples of this but can't remember a single one

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? When they're insecure, it's amusing like oh don't be like that I really am NOT judging you you're amazing, unless they're really nasty ppl ofc

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I like this song it's funny and reminds me of an old friend

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? ROFL WHAT

59: what's your favorite myth? Again I FEEL I can answer this but right now my brain is not working

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I like poetry when it relates to me or when someone I know wrote it, otherwise I don't bother (UPDATE! Ye Wearie Wayfarer by Adam Lindsay Gordon RULES!!)

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? My memoryyyyyy

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? If I'm having last night's dinner for breakfast, yes, orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? YES. ORGANIZED AND VERY CLEAN.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? BLACK AS MY NOT-RUNNING SYNAPSES

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? I'd rather keep them buried in my deepest thoughts, far away from my superficial consciousness!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? My a e s t h e t i c sense is terrible but I like carnations and forget-me-nots

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Bad, I like the sky when it's blue

68: what's winter like where you live? Rainy, lots of fog, unpredictable weather.

69: what are your favorite board games? mmmmmmmmm IDK

70: have you ever used a ouija board? ughhhhhhhhhha

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? Chamomile, it reminds me of my favorite horror game, Demento, and it’s sweet and delicious and pretty

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? If I didn't make an effort to memorize it, yes

73: what are some of your worst habits? Biting my nails, neglecting people, being paranoid about some stuff, procrastinating, brushing my feels aside, I could go on,

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Well that's hard how about CANDY

75: tell us about your pets! THEY'RE GREAT IT'S A SHAME THEY'LL DIE SOON

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Obviously. Just OBVIOUSLY

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Pink, love pink, pink all the way, all the pinks.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? The IDC club

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Offer me their jacket when it started raining it was just AWWW. And when someone promised to be my friend FOREVER!!!!! HAHAHAA

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Nope because the bedroom is not mine HAHAHA well if I had one I'd paint everything white 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Chocolate, very sweet, much creativity

82: are/were you good in school? Can't you tell

83: what're some of your favorite album art? Don't ask me (8) about music (8)

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Absolutely not, it hurts, it attracts attention, it makes people know about me... If I ever got one It’d be a word or sentence or a small symbol

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? Webcomics only, I’m... too lazy

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Yes but... Lazy

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Cosmos is not a movie but here I am talking about Cosmos again idk if you don’t like documentaries go watch Gran Torino 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? I’m sure there is but my brain is out

89: are you close to your parents? No unfortunately

90: talk about one of your favorite cities. Any safe and at least moderately urban city is fine with me

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Nowhere, I don't really like traveling, it's stressful and expensive

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? I DON'T LIKE PASTA OR CHEESE FIGHT ME

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Long, layered, side bangs

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Why does this matter

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Working.. WORK.. AHAHA

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I never install them, when I HAVE to I plan for it because it takes forever

97: Myers-Briggs type, zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? INTP Leo Bronzebird

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? No because I was with my parents

99: list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them. So damn many I should make a list

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Wow hum... 5 years into the past I guess because I'd be able to study more and live longer (why living longer sounds smart to me? I must like to suffer)

#tag

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