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let-it-raines · 5 years ago

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Catch Me If You Can (22/?)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch.

But then he came back and won the World Series.

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now.

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: Everyone take a moment to check out the INCREDIBLE drawing that @carpedzem did that was inspired by this story. It can be found | Here | and deserves all of the likes and reblogs for bringing the Killian in this story to life!

Have a good weekend! ❤️

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury @superchocovian @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog@cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings @youraverageshipper

-/-

“You haven’t updated your Instagram account in weeks.”

Ariel says this as they sit in the hotel restaurant with their plates full of salad, grilled chicken, and rice. Killian’s been eating like shit lately, and as good as it feels in the moment, he can tell that it affects him and the way that he functions on a daily basis. So he’s been eating the same thing for every meal for the past week, but since they’re on the road where he doesn’t have constant access to a fridge and stove, he’s had to get a little creative in obtaining his food. Ariel is pretty much an expert at finding whatever it is that he wants when he wants it, and he cannot thank her enough for it.

Stabbing a piece of chicken, Killian lifts his fork to his mouth and takes a bite while he taps his passcode into his phone to see if Ariel’s statement is actually true. He really wouldn’t know, but it looks like he has several photos from the last few weeks on there.

“You can very clearly see all of these photos, A. Why are you so big on my social media presence lately?”

“These are all professional photos,” Ariel sighs, an emphasis on professional, and she pushes his phone back toward him. “You need more personal photos. You look like a baseball player.”

“I am a baseball player.”

She waves him away. “You know what I mean.”

Killian arches a brow and scoops up some of his rice. “I really don’t, love.”

Ariel rolls his eyes, and he settles a little further in his booth, his eyes glancing around to the people sitting around them in the restaurant. It’s not very crowded, just a few people here and there, but that’s par for the course considering it’s tentwo in the morningafternoon on a Wednesday. Not a lot of people are chilling in a hotel restaurant in Boston when there are approximately fifty-two other things they could be doing within a five-foot radius. And that’s only the tourists.

And he’s pretty sure that everyone in here can hear his conversation, is probably judging them for the particular subject of it, but he knows that no one cares.

He certainly doesn’t, but if A cares, he should for her.

“People like a little personality,” Ariel explains, ripping up a bit of her napkin. “I know we’ve talked about this before, Killian. You’ve got to show a little personality outside of baseball. I’m not saying put your diary on there, but post a picture with someone outside of baseball.” “Literally, everyone in my life is involved in baseball in some way.”

“Okay, true,” Ariel laughs. “It’s the same for me, so I get it. Still, though, think about it.”

Killian hums noncommittedly, pushing his rice around before looking up at Ariel and wondering why the hell she’s looking at him like she’s holding all of the secrets of the world in that mind of hers.

“Did you really ask to meet me because we needed to talk about my Instagram feed?”

“I mean, obviously not,” she huffs. “I had a few work things to talk about with you, but I’ve also missed you. I feel like it’s been so long since we all spent time together with you guys not in uniform. It’s got to have been months, and I miss it.”

His heart swells and breaks all at once while his head tilts to the side to look at Ariel, eyes glancing up and down over her as he studies her. “You okay, A?”

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Ariel.”

“Killian.”

“Ariel, I am here to talk if you’re upset about something, and, literally, say the word and I will get all of us together to do something. We’re here for five days before we’re back in New York for a week. I know we’re in the crazy part of the season where it feels like we can’t breathe, but I promise there’s time for us all to spend time together.”

Her eyes glance down at her food, and she swishes her water around in the glass before taking a long, slow sip that he knows is to take up time.

“I really am fine,” she promises. “I’m just a little stressed with it all, and I feel like I need some time with all of you guys and Belle and, um, Emma too. I’m trying to make contract negotiations for Eric, which has involved us talking about a lot of future stuff that I wasn’t quite ready to talk about yet.”

“Babies?”

“Ding, ding, ding,” she laughs, even if it’s kind of pathetic. “I mean, I want kids. I do. I want them with Eric especially.”

“Well, I’d be a little concerned if you didn’t want them with your husband.”

She flicks a piece of lettuce at him. “Shut up.”

“Never.”

“Why do I love you?”

“I literally have no idea,” Killian teases, reaching over the table to grab Ariel’s hand so that he can squeeze it to reassure her. “Go on, A. I’m listening.”

“I just – it’s hard, you know? Obviously, Eric and I are financially secure right now, but you can’t plan life when that’s exactly what we’re trying to do. Because what happens if Eric gets traded somewhere else? We have to uproot everything, and having kids will complicate that. And we have to have a plan for Eric after he retires. Like, I have a pretty nice job because of all of you, but he’s going to need to have something to do. It’s just…it’s a lot on my plate when I’m already balancing so much. I mean, haven’t you thought about all of that?”

Damn.

Like, damn.

No, he hasn’t thought of any of that. Not at all. Well, that’s a lie, but it’s a small lie, a white one really. When he was out after the accident, his future was always on his mind, but it was never any concrete thoughts. It was always depressing ones about him never being able to play again, about him having no discernable skills outside of a sport, and about him wondering if he was going to fall into women and bars once more simply because things weren’t going his way. It was never a concrete answer about what he’s legitimately going to do after baseball. Money isn’t really his concern as long as he handles it all correctly, but how will he spend his days? What will he be passionate about?

Is Emma going to be by his side through all of it?

Woah.

Okay.

That’s not at all where he thought his mind was headed, but his brain apparently had a much different roadmap than he thought. Killian loves Emma, undoubtedly, and he does want his future to involve her, but it’s like Ariel said…they can’t plan life.

And he doesn’t know what Emma’s plans are.

Realistically, too, Killian isn’t exactly sure what he wants out of life, and he already knows that he most likely won’t have a career as long as a lot of other guys in the league. They haven’t had broken arms and rotator cuff tears that still bother him like he has.

Fuck.

This is not how his morning is supposed to be going, and the way that his heart is hammering in his chest is far worse now than it will ever be when he gets out on the mound tonight.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Killian squeezes Ariel’s hand again. “It’s hard to think about, A, but you guys will figure it out. I don’t think life can ever really be planned. I sure as hell have planned none of mine, and if I didn’t have you, I think it’d be a much bigger mess.”

Ariel’s cheeks flame up to be the same color of her hair, but she smiles at him anyways. “You’re right. You would be a mess without me and everyone else. I am the glue that holds you together.”

“You and a couple other people which means you are all very weak glue to need that many people to hold me together or I’m just that resistant.”

“The second option.”

“You’re going to be okay, A. You and Eric are solid. And if or when you do have that baby, no matter what city you’re in, I’m going to be there to be that kid’s favorite person in the world.”

“Please,” Ariel laughs even as water fills her eyes, “no one could ever compare to me. I’m definitely going to be my kid’s favorite person.”

“Whatever you have to say to make yourself sleep at night.”

-/-

Killian gets booed when he steps out onto the field, and he can’t imagine a more fitting welcome in Boston since that is what usually happens.

But then it continues past that first moment.

And he very much deserves it for how he’s pitching, though that booing is probably from the Yankees fans and not Boston natives. His arm is stiff, a bit of pain running through it, and he’s too stubborn to ask to be relieved early or to admit that he’s in pain. He tries to convince himself that it’s all exaggerated, that he’s simply been in a negative headspace all day since eating lunch with Ariel and all of the heaviness that was in that conversation, but he knows that it’s not exaggerated. Killian knows that his shoulder is bothering him, his mind is bothering him, and nothing is going to get him out of this foul mood.

Especially not when Al pulls him after the third inning once again and yells at him to get his shit together. Will does too, and even if it’s in his joking tone, Killian doesn’t take it that way. He doesn’t take any of it as a joke.

Who the hell cares about what he’s going to do after baseball if he can’t even figure out what he’s doing right now?

And in all of his anger, in all of his frustration at himself and at his team, the thing he hates himself for the most is brushing off Emma when she asks for an interview. He mutters a no under his breath and keeps walking down the hallway back to the locker room so that he can take a shower and get a massage.

She’s the woman who he loves more than anything or anyone else, which he didn’t even realize until right now, and he just blew her off when she was simply trying to do her job.

He’s such an asshole.

They lose 3-17.

-/-

Elsa: Are you okay?

Elsa: Killian.

Elsa: I know you’ve checked your phone. The game ended three hours ago. Five hours ago for you.

Elsa: I’m going to start calling you and won’t stop if you don’t text me back within the next five minutes.

Killian sighs and rolls over on his hotel mattress, phone still in hand, and sends Elsa a text back because he really does not want to talk on the phone right now.

Killian: Yes, Els?

He expects the bubbles to pop up to tell him that she’s texting back, but they don’t. Instead her face pops up, a picture of she and the girls from Christmas last year, and he wonders if she was ever not going to call him. The answer is most definitely no since he’s been ignoring her – and everyone else – all evening. Eventually someone was going to call him out on his shit.

Sighing again, he hits answer and presses the speaker button as Elsa’s voice comes through the phone.

“Why are you ignoring everyone?”

“I’m talking to you.”

“Only because I just promised to harass you until you did. Seriously, Killian. Your brother and I have been calling you all afternoon, and you’ve ignored us. And when I texted Emma, she said that you were ignoring her too.”

“Bloody hell,” Killian grumbles aloud, sitting up in bed and moving his arm so that he’s not pressing down on it so as to agitate it more. “You texted Emma?”

“Um, yeah?” Elsa questions, the hesitation obvious in her voice. “She’s your girlfriend. She was at the game. I kind of figured she was with you, but apparently the two of you haven’t talked either. What the hell is wrong with you that you’re not even talking to Emma?”

Well, he’s an asshole for one. He’s also never told Emma about his shoulder injury and the full extent of the accident. He doesn’t want to. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but he doesn’t want Emma to know about it. Not now. As irrational as he knows that it is, she might think less of him. And maybe just maybe, if he doesn’t tell more people, the problem will somehow go away.

This is all becoming more irrational by the second, but it’s fine. Everything is going to be fine. That was such a dark place in his life, one he doesn’t want to keep repeating and reliving even if Emma already knows parts of it, and he has no idea how he’d even talk to her right now since she’s very obviously, and rightfully so, pissed at him.

It’s all so easy to mess everything up in the blink of an eye.

“She’s likely pissed at me since I brushed her off for an interview. I didn’t even say hi or smile at her or find her afterwards. So, I didn’t text her, and she hasn’t texted me. I don’t know…she’s upset with me, right?”

“She’s concerned about you,” Elsa breathes out, and from the lack of noise around her, Killian imagines that she must have locked herself in the study so that no one bothers her. “Killian, Emma loves you. Anyone with eyes can see that, and you guys are a team. Granted, you’re a brand new team, but you’re a team. You have to work together and share stuff like this.”

“I know that, Els.”

“Then why isn’t she with you right now?”

“Because my shoulder feels like shit today, and she doesn’t know anything about the accident besides the broken bone.”

Silence fills the air around him after he says the words, and it’s exacerbated by the fact that Elsa isn’t saying anything on the other line. The only sounds are the sounds of his television playing some kind of celebrity gossip show. How out of touch is he if he doesn’t even know the name of the show?

Why would it even matter to him?

“Killian,” Elsa whispers, and he’s so damn tired of hearing people say his name in sympathy today, “you haven’t told her?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I haven’t told anyone else, Els. Eight people on this earth know about it, and I don’t even know how I would tell her. I don’t want her to look at me out of pity. I don’t…my life has had some pretty shitty periods, and that was one of them. Emma didn’t honestly know me then. She didn’t know how fucked up that I was, and even if I’ve told her about Milah and all of the women after Milah and – I’ve told her a lot, and at some point, she’s going to flip out on how messed up I am.”

“First of all,” she starts, not even allowing him to take a breath or truly think about everything that he just said, “you are not messed up. You, even with all of your privileges now, have had some really hard times in your life. You lost your mom at a really young age and had a pretty shitty dad who took advantage of you and your talents. And then you had a really big love kind of blow up in your face, as well as everything that came after that, and just as you were getting over that, the accident happened.”

“It’s even more depressing if you say it all in a list like that.”

“But,” Elsa continues, “you got through all of that. Are you still struggling with it? Absolutely. But it hasn’t kept you from continuing to live your dream even though things are frustrating. It hasn’t kept you from finding a really great girl in Emma. You’re okay, you know that? And we all love you so much that I don’t think I can even express it with words.”

Killian smiles to himself and twists in his bed, a bit of water coating his eyes, but he blinks the tears away and runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath. “I love you guys too.”

“Good. Now text your girlfriend and think about telling her some of this stuff that you’re carrying around on your shoulders.”

“Is that supposed to be a joke?”

“A little.”

“You have no shame.”

“I know. Call me tomorrow, okay?”

“Will do.”

The line goes silent, for real this time, and Killian slams his eyes shut simply so he can have a moment to breathe. Today has been a lot for him, and he knows that Elsa is right about everything. He does. But he’s not quite ready to be that open with Emma. He will be. He does actually want her to know about everything even if he thinks it’ll make her run for the hills, but he’s not ready. And he tells himself that it’s fine. Emma has her own hang-ups, her own past, and not everything has to be shared right away.

They have time.

And his arm may very well start feeling better soon, and his freak out will all be for naught.

Killian: Can I come up to your room?

Emma: Ruby and Graham are in here.

Killian: I don’t care if you don’t.

Emma: 514.

Rolling off the bed, Killian bends down to his suitcase to grab a shirt, not caring which one, and tugs it down on over his head and shoulders before grabbing his phone and wallet to walk up to Emma’s room. He’s not even wearing any shoes, just socks, but he doesn’t notice this until he’s looking around the hallway to make sure no one is around and then quietly knocking on the door.

Graham opens it, a smile on his face, and for some reason it makes Killian think that maybe Emma isn’t as pissed at him as his mind has convinced himself that she is.

“Hey, come on in,” Graham says, opening the door a little wider and letting Killian inside. “I’m sorry about the game.”

“I’m sorry that you used vacation days to see us all play like shit.”

“Yeah, well,” Graham laughs, “at least I’m not at work.”

“This is true.”

Killian takes another step in the room and sees Emma sitting on her bed dressed in a pair of shorts and his old Vandy sweatshirt. He’s going to have to get something else because she’s going to wear that thing until it is nothing but threads. Ruby is sitting next to her, laptops on both of their laps, and he imagines that they’re simply working. Or, at least, he hopes.

“Hey,” Killian greets, crossing his arms over his chest.

Emma looks up at him, a slight smile on her face, and his chest practically heaves. They’re not even in a fight. Why does he feel like they are?

“Hey,” she says. “I’ve got to finish up this article, okay? And I have a little bit of prep work to do for tomorrow.”

“Yeah, Swan, that’s fine.”

“It’s only going to take her thirty minutes,” Ruby starts, slamming her laptop shut, “and then she’s going to yell at you for how pissed she is at you for completely ignoring her today.”

“Hey,” Emma gasps, reaching her hand back to slap Ruby, “you weren’t supposed to say anything.”

“Well, I knew you weren’t going to.”

“I was.”

“You’re a liar.”

“I was going to talk to him.”

“No, no you weren’t. You two are ridiculous. It’s not that hard to talk to each other.”

“Sweetheart,” Graham sighs, tilting his head to the side, “why don’t you let them deal with their issues on their own? I think they can handle it.”

“You know Emma almost as well as I do, so you know that’s not true.”

“Oh my God,” Emma groans, sinking down further on the bed, “this is why I should have left the two of you in New York.”

“Technically,” Ruby laughs, “David sent me because this is a big game, and he didn’t want you to produce on your own.”

“Yeah, well, I should have convinced him to let you stay, and then we definitely could have left Graham behind.”

“Hey,” Graham scoffs, and Kilian can’t help but laugh. He’s only spent a little bit of time with the three of them all together, but they obviously get along great. Ruby is definitely an acquired taste, but Graham kind of evens things out. “I am on vacation. I don’t need to be berated.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Emma huffs, rubbing the palms of her heels under her eyes. “I’m just a little stressed.”

“Do you want me to go get you a cup of coffee, love?”

Emma glances over to him and shakes her head from side to side. “No. I’ve had enough caffeine today. Thank you, though.”

Silence falls between all of them, only the hum of the air-conditioning remaining, but Killian’s gaze stays on Emma even when she goes back to typing on her laptop.

“Ruby, let’s go out to dinner,” Graham suggests, walking over to the bed and beginning to pack up her stuff. “We’ll all have to do something together tomorrow night, yeah?”

“That sounds great, Graham,” Emma promises. “There’s a seafood place down by the harbor that I want to go to.”

Killian watches as Ruby and Graham collect their things and leave, saying their goodbyes to both he and Emma, and it’s not awkward until the hotel door slams shut behind them and he’s left with just Emma.

When was the last time he felt awkward around Emma?

Probably during his interview back in March. That was a lifetime ago.

“I had a shitty day,” Killian blurts out, walking over to the desk that’s next to Emma’s bed and sitting down on the edge of it so that he’s not talking to her from across the room. “That’s not an excuse. God, love,” he huffs, running his hands through his hair, “I know that’s not an excuse, but it’s mine. I’m sorry that I brushed you off, that I barely acknowledged you at the stadium, and that I didn’t text you while I’m here.”

Emma’s nails clack against the keyboard, and he swears every letter is being burned into his skin for how anxious he feels until she’s closing her laptop and placing it next to her on the bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around her knees.

“Why have you had a shitty day? Just because you played poorly? Because I’ve seen you play poorly before, and it’s never resulted in you ignoring me while I’m trying to do my job. I get that reporters suck and that you have to talk to a million of them. And I don’t expect special treatment because I’m your girlfriend, but you can’t just brush me off like that and then basically be a ghost for hours after that. I mean, you weren’t even answering your family’s calls, Killian.”

How is he a functioning human being? How? How does he even have people who love him?

Killian’s got answers to all of her questions, to every single one, but he doesn’t know how to say them without talking about his arm and that’s…that’s not going to happen today when he needs more time to accept it all himself.

Emma will understand. When the time comes, she will.

“I’m an asshole, Swan. I am. I know you probably think I’m great with expressing my emotions because I usually am with you, but sometimes I still struggle with it. I had a day where nothing seemed to go right, and instead of seeking out the help of people who care about me, I isolated myself. It’s not right. I know it’s not, but it’s a pattern that I fall back into time and time again.”

Green eyes glance over him, studying him, and he feels her everywhere, like she’s able to peer deep into his soul and see all of the things he’s hiding from her.

Or the one thing.

It’s just one thing

And it can’t be that big of a deal. It’s not. He’ll tell her. Later. Tonight is not the right time.

“You’re not an asshole,” Emma sighs, flattening her lips. “I know I call you an ass all of the time, but I don’t mean it. I just – you had a bad day. I get that. I have bad days all the time, but, and at least I think I’m right about this even though Neal and Walsh never did this with me, when you have a shitty day, you’re supposed to share it with me, come to me, lean on me. If you need time to yourself, fine. Take it. That’s probably a good thing, but I don’t want to do this if every time things don’t go your way I’m pushed away.”

“Did you rehearse that?”

“Does it sound like it?”

“A little bit,” Killian chuckles as he scratches behind his ear. “If only because everything you just told me not to do is everything that I know you have a history of doing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m a hypocrite.” Emma lets her legs fall against the mattress before standing up and stepping into his space so that she’s standing between his thighs with her hands on his shoulders, nails curling into his t-shirt. “Obviously, we both have our own issues, but let’s try to be better, yeah? And if all else fails when it comes to talking, I’m a really good person to eat junk food with and possibly get a little drunk even if those are terrible coping mechanisms.”

He huffs, his hands finding her hips so that he can tug her closer. “I’m on a diet, actually.”

Emma’s nose scrunches up in that way that he loves before she’s dipping her head down and softly, thoroughly moving her lips over his in the way that he’s been craving all day. He hasn’t seen her today, only those few seconds after he got pulled out of the game, and he had no idea just how much he missed being able to feel her against him, to be able to smell the scent of her shampoo, until right at this moment.

“I know,” she says when they pull back from each other even if he doesn’t let his grip on her hips go. “We’ve been eating like crap lately.”

“I’m trying to rectify that. I know you are too.”

“Actually, Ruby and I signed up for another Pilates class at home, so I’ve been working my ass off to still eat my onion rings. Literally.”

“Oh, don’t do that.” Killian moves his hand back to squeeze her ass, reveling in the way that Emma rolls her eyes. “I like this ass too much.”

“Well, consider it some kind of punishment for being a broody ass today if my butt happens to get smaller.” She smiles at him before kissing his forehead in a move so gentle that he wonders how in the world this woman has so many wonderful facets. “Now, do me a favor and find something to watch while I finish up my assignment, okay? I have to talk about everything you guys did wrong today.”

“Just punch me in the gut why don’t you.”

“I try. C’mon, twenty-nine. I think we both deserve a relaxing night.”

“Yeah, Swan, me too.”

They don’t get drunk and eat junk food, but once Emma finishes her work a little under twenty minutes later, she turns her laptop off as well as turning off the hotel room lights, and crawls under the covers with him so that her feet are tucked into his calves. Killian loves that she does that, that she feels comfortable doing that, and it brings him comfort even if her feet are far too cold. Seriously, it’s like she sticks them in the freezer before she gets in bed.

As if that would be possible.

Emma absentmindedly playing with his chain and his mother’s ring is something he’s also grown used to recently, something that brings him peace, and Killian continues to trace words of affection into the skin of her back as the night goes on. They don’t talk much, just a few exchanges of words about Emma’s day, her plans and schedule for tomorrow, and she drags just that little bit more information out of him. It’s still not everything, was never going to be everything, but it’s a start.

And his shoulder doesn’t bother him nearly as badly when Emma is sitting beneath it with her head on his chest laughing at his truly terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. He’s usually much better with accents, but this one is apparently too much for Emma to handle.

Weirdly, though, or maybe not so much, all of his concerns that sparked after his conversation with Ariel this afternoon fade away with each passing second. Killian’s got no clue what’s going to happen or if things are going to work out, but at the end of the day, all he wants is for Emma to laugh with him and kiss his collarbone before she falls asleep.

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

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clevercatchphrase · 7 years ago

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2017 in review, and goals for 2018

If I had to describe 2017 in one word it would be... monotonous. Sure, there were plenty of ups and downs, but for the most part, especially the latter 6 months, I just felt like I was going through the motions, holding my nose to the grind stone, doing work and paying off student loans. 2017 blew by me, and I remember thinking each month passed by with unusal quickness. There's a strange sense of disociation with that, like I wasn't really connected to reality for most of the year, and instead watched it pass me by from a seperate temporal window. In a weird way it may have been a bit of a godsend as well. I hear 2017 was hard for a lot of people, but feeling so disonnected from the year may have protected me and cushioned the blow in a sense.

I lost a family member this year in early june. I knew it was coming ever since january as I hated having to watch them deteriorate and get worse and worse until they finally passed. The three months leading up to it and the three months after were particularly hard and left me feeling unable to write or draw or do anything productive. I still miss them terribly. I always will. But I hope I won't let it immobilize me as much this year as it did last year.

Anyway, Let's review my goals for last year and see what I've accomplished. I’ve a lot to say, so for brevity’s sake I’ve put it all under the cut.

GOALS FOR 2017 1) Finish my 50 billion fan fictions so I can get back to drawing Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha. HAHAHAHAHA. The depression I got halfway through the year throughly put a halt on this. I haven't even finished one of the fics I've started in 2016. I got close, seeing as i participated in NaNoWriMo this year to try and force myself to finish, but I still need to revise and edit all that I've written and the motivation is non existant. GOD, I have so many stories too, all of them still undertale fan fiction because I'm still not over that game. I'll list them all when I share my goals for this year later below. 2)Draw in 2 pages of my sketch book each week so I'll finish a sketch book in a year. I was SO CLOSE with this one! I filled out 95 pages! But you know what i discovered in august? I realized that my 100 page sketch book.... was actually 150 pages! Oh well! I drew more this year than I thought i would! Just because i didn't hit 100 pages, doesn't mean I didn't accomplish something! 3) Finish 14 out of the remaining 27 lessons on my duolingo course I went fucking above and beyond with this one. I hit this goal back in may, and then I completely finished up the danish duolingo course by november. I also passed my 1095 day streak which translates to doing duolingo daily for OVER 3 YEARS STRAIGHT. I still practice daily to build my vocabulary, and I know I can't speak it for the life of me, or follow along with fast speakers, but give me a few minutes and I can probably read it for you. Funny how that works, where I can understand danish if it's written out, but ask me to translate from english to danish and I struggle like a butterfly in a tumble dryer. 4) Become passibly fluent in ASL I have this box of 600 ASL flash cards, and this year I practiced two of them a day until I got through the entire box. I certainly learned a bunch of new words but I wouldn't say I was fluent yet. I certainly don't know all the grammar rules yet. I HAVE been able to sign with people at my job, though I do rely heavily on fingerspelling still. Most everyone I talked with seemed to know I was trying and they seemed really excited that I could understand them if they were patient with me. I put more of my focus on Danish last year, but now that I'm done with Danish, maybe I can focust more on ASL. My sister told me about this site similar to duolingo called "memrise" that actually has an ASL course, so you can bet I'll be looking into that. 5) Read the entire dictionary I did this! I kept two spiral note books and wrote down any words I thought were cool or interesting! I haven't gone back and re-read the words I wrote down, but maybe I will this year! It was exhausting. It was weird. I still can't believe I spent about 200 hours last year doing this. 6) Read one new book every month Much like my sketch book goal, I almost completed this one. I kept it up every month until October, and then I just... stopped. I read more than I thought this year, though I ended up usually waiting until the last week of each month to read, and I also cheated by counting the dictionary as one of the things I read (hey, it's a book, ain't it?) I also re-read old books that I know I like, so not entirely 10 new books were read this year. Reading 1 new book a month isn't one of my goals this year, but I hope to read more new stuff reguardless, 7) Actually use the tutorials and references I reblog Seeing as I barely did any digitial art this year, I can't say I did this one. 8) Do more art streams I think my goal was to stream once a month. I clearly didn't do this. I DID stream in 2017, I just didn't tell anyone. Idk why, I just... went live for people to see but didn't let anyone know I did. I also only streamed like... twice? sigh... So... out of the 8 goals I set, I would say I accomplished close to half. I read the dictionary, I finished my danish language course (which I'm counting as two completed goals) and combining the "read 1 new book a month" and "draw 100 pages in a sketch book" I'll count that as one completed goal. I went through all my ASL cards, though I'm not fluent, OH! I also wanted to pay off 6k loan that I had. I want to count this one as a success because I DID FUCKING PAY OVER 6 THOUSAND DOLLARS IN LOANS THIS YEAR. I got a surprise loan I had no idea about in june that was 1500 dollars, which threw me off. I managed to pay it off in 2 months, BUT IF THAT LOAN HAD NEVER EXISTED I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE FINISHED PAYING OFF THE 6K ONE. I've got a little over a thousand left to pay on the 6k loan now, which I will complete by the end of January. I'm so close to being under 10k in debt... GOALS FOR 2018 1)Go from being 5 figures in student loan debt down to 4 figures in debt (pay off 2 out of 4 loans) If everything goes according to Keikaku I'll achieve this by the end of June. This has to factor in things like updating my car registration in april, oil changes, tune ups, tire rotation, gas and food expenses, but as long as I don't get fired I should be fine! 2) Stretch Daily Not exercise. I never exercise. But it would be nice to increase my flexibility. 3) STOP TOUCHING YOUR GODDAMN FACE/ find an effective acne treatment I also want to try washing my face daily. Im fucking 25. I shouldn't have this many pimples. 4) Do another song comic I made A lyrictale for Undertale at the end of 2015 in ten days. I want to make another. I already have it scripted, now I just need to do it. 5) Do at least one art stream a month. Hey, maybe I can stream the next song comic I do. Sure, it'd spoil the song and story for everyone, but doesn't that sound fun? 6)Practice ASL I just started looking into Memrise and their ASL courses. They actually have A LOT, AND! THEY HAVE SIGN LANGUAGE COURSES FOR OTHER COUNTRIES! This year is gonna be fun. (Also, the only reason I want to learn ASL because of Undertale. I'll let you figure out how they are connected) 7) Sew 4 stuffed animals I started sewwing a Hobbes plush in the middle of last year. His body is finished. I just never did the head. The other three stuffed animals I want to make I will keep a secret because I love to keep people guessing. 8) Make two AMVs There are two songs I want to put to Avatar; The Last Airbender, and Avatar; The Legend of Korra. I have about half the footage... I just... need to rewatch the shows and put the clips together. Hey, maybe after I find all the clips I can do a stream of that as well. 9) Last but not least, finish my many, MANY Undertale Fan Fics. a. You Monster (34 out of 37 chapters are written, but only 29 are posted) b. Finish the "Of Two Minds" series (it's explicit don't look) c. Color Theory (A chasriel one shot) d. Something Left Behind (Terrible AU Idea #647) e. Let's Get Real (Self insert, joke, parody thing that will also be explicit) f. Game Day! (something about soccer games with Mettaton along the same vain as Field Trip!) g. Would You Like Fries With That (Nicepants because there's not enough of it in the world) h. Science Fair! (something with Undyne and school projects along the same vain as Field Trip!) i. One that is so horribly dark and fucked that I won't even describe it here. Welp! Those are my goals for 2018! What are your goals for 2018? Whatever they are, I wish you success and improvement, health and wealth! Stay safe this year! I love you all~

#new year's resolutions #long post

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captainsbabysitter-blog · 8 years ago

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Jim Kirk Headcanons

Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. I should note that these are all TOS headcanons because honestly I love TOS more; each character just has more... Character. Just my opinion.

Questions under the cut!

Addendum: This took forever, so I may just answer asks unless I get reeeeally bored again.

1. What does their bedroom look like?

On the Enterprise, I see his room being somewhat sparse. He’s busy making strategies and interacting with other crew members in his off time. His home off-ship is full of shelves upon shelves of books. Jim is a reader. It’s how he escaped a less than awesome childhood and it expanded into a genuine, everlasting love.

He would also have posters of space. Educational, nerdy posters depicting the blueprints of ancient space shuttles and schematics for various things that grabbed his fancy.

And his chess boards. I hardcore headcanon that Pike taught him chess and he has several boards on various flat surfaces throughout his bedroom, but there’s one that’s special. One that has really crudely carved out pieces on a board with roughly painted black squares checkered with the natural light tones of pine that he made himself when he was on Tarsus IV and it’s a reminder of his belief in no-win scenarios and his duty to those who depend on him that stays with him even after he’s given his captaincy on the Enterprise.

2. Do they have any daily rituals?

Jim walks every path of the ship at least once a week. He likes the first-hand knowledge that everything is okay, everyone is safe, and he has a rotating schedule of the areas he visits. Mondays and Tuesdays are the upper decks, and so on and so forth.

Sometimes Bones or Spock will join him if they’re feeling up for it, but for the most part it’s just something he does himself.

3. Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

See above. Beyond that, yes. He practices fighting styles and does other strength training on top of his daily walks.

4. What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

He’d help in the kitchen, honestly. He’s not particularly good at cooking, but he can do some basic stuff and whatever helps moves things along faster is what he’s going to do.

Just picture him wearing a Kiss The Cook apron over his command golds, flour on his nose and an easy grin.

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

It depends. His work space is spotless. He needs that clear space to stay in the right headspace for leading an entire ship.

Home? Home is a disaster. He has projects on every surface, pictures and posters all over the walls, and it’s sort of an organized mess, but it IS a mess.

6. Eating habits and sample daily menu.

This one is less headcanon and more canon. If he can get away with eating steak and fries with every meal, he’s going to. But everyone knows Bones would annihilate him before his arteries had a chance to clog, so he’s forced to eat some greens once in a while.

7. Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

Chess or reading or even just sitting in the rec room watching his crew enjoy themselves. In his eyes, time isn’t wasted if it’s spent on something enjoyed.

8. Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

He indulges in expensive alcohols on special occasions.

Promotion for him or a member of his crew? A few fingers of a nice southern bourbon Bones gave him for Christmas.

Spock or Bones’ birthday? Share a few fingers of a scotch Scotty brewed up in that “secret” still of his.

Anniversary of the Enterprise launching with its present crew? Enjoy a few with his favorite people and reminisce about the fun they’ve had and the dangers they’ve faced and survived and remember the people they’ve lose (because Jim remembers every. single. one)

9. Makeup?

He wouldn’t be above a bit of color on special occasions or if it were culturally important, but he would stick mostly to concealer/foundation.

10. Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

He has a near-neurotic need to ensure himself that his Enterprise family is safe. Even after his long walks along the ship, he would stop by the places he knows Spock and Bones will be just to check up on them before he retires to his own rooms for the night. They would come to expect him and know that it makes Jim feel better knowing where they are and that they’re safe.

If questioned, he’ll deny it. Doubly so if you claim it’s neurotic in any way.

11. Intellectual pursuits?

Oh oodles. Jim will take on any intellectual pursuit he’s presented with if only because he’s curious. Even if he doesn’t keep up with it or loses interest after a day or two of poking around and getting a feel for it, he has at least a passing knowledge in a multitude of fields.

12. Favorite book genre?

All of them. He’d have his reasons for each individual genre and wouldn’t be able to choose just one.

13. Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

Pansexual. I’ll note here that to me, the term pansexual means that he would appreciate people on all places of the gender spectrum and various representations.

But Jim wouldn’t really call himself that. He doesn’t really bother with labels like that for himself, but doesn’t really judge other people for theirs either.

14. Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

Jim has a few food allergies, and tree nuts of any kind is a big one. It’s severe enough that the replicators have a restriction barring them from making anything with nuts as an ingredient.

Not sure why, but I also always saw him as being allergic to cats.

15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?

Biggest short term goal is to get Bones and Spock to openly admit they enjoy each others company.

Smallest is getting through two away missions in a row without everything going sideways.

16. Biggest and smallest long term goal?

Biggest long term goal is getting through the mission without losing any of his officers. The events surrounding Wrath of Khan shattered him on multiple levels because he felt like he failed.

Smallest long term goal is to serve Starfleet as long as he can manage to get away with.

17. Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

Outside of uniform, he’s not picky about his clothes. He’d rummage through his closet until he found something resembling a full outfit and call it good.

18. Favorite beverage?

Saurian brandy, but he doesn’t indulge in that too often.

19. What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

Jim thinks back on any mistakes he may have made that day either on the bridge or on an away mission and would devise ways to go about them in better ways next time. He’s a renowned strategist, and he didn’t get that way by accident. He enjoys thinking up these sorts of scenarios and solutions; it’s relaxing and helps him sleep knowing that he’s ready for anything the universe might throw at him.

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

None, really. There’s a reason he was spared on Tarsus and it wasn’t because he was sickly or suffering from any sort of illness.

21. Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

Confidence is a huge turn-on for him. It sounds cliche, but Jim loves a person who knows how to handle themselves. He also has a thing for throats and necks.

He can’t get into someone who feels like they’re better than others. You could be the richest person in the known universe with looks that take the breath of all who look upon you, but if you snub a server or sneer at someone of a lower caste, Jim won’t look at you twice.

22. Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

Depends on his mood. He might jot down some random thoughts that he doesn’t want to forget, but he’s more likely to make little doodles. He once spent an hour listening to Bones and Spock bicker and drew them while they did it. It’s one of his favorite drawings.

23. How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

He functions on a sort of organized chaos. He has an order in which he responds to problems, and his work space is immaculate, but if he’s studying or researching, he’s very much one of those people who would have PADD’s or even books strewn all around him while he’s searching for exactly what he needs.

24. Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

Tactics. There’s a reason he loves chess so much, and he’d love the challenge that comes with a new, unfamiliar opponent.

25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

If he has any say, he’ll still be on the Enterprise with his favorite people, exploring the universe.

26. Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

His only real plan is the Enterprise. He wants to fly until he can’t anymore and then he wants to settle down with Bones and Spock when they’re all retired. Any other plan isn’t acceptable to him.

27. What is their biggest regret?

That he didn’t know his son the way he feels a father should.

28. Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

Spock and Bones are his best friends.

Khan is his worst enemy.

29. Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

He’s trained to respond in emergencies, so he’s the one grabbing the extinguisher and/or making sure the others are somewhere safe before he lets himself hand the reigns over to someone better equipped to deal with it.

30. Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

Jim goes inward when someone close to him dies. He sits alone in his room and truly contemplates what life will be like now that that person is gone, and if he drinks just a bit too much in those moments? Well there’s no one there to chastise him.

31. Most prized possession?

Anything gifted to him by someone close to him. The secretly joint gift of reading glasses and print novel given to him by Spock and Bones on his birthday are his favorite.

32. Thoughts on material possessions in general?

He could take ‘em or leave ‘em. He doesn’t have a lot of space for such things on the ship, so it’s not something he’d really care about.

33. Concept of home and family?

The Enterprise and her crew are his home and family, and ultimately home is wherever he can be with Bones and Spock.

34. Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

Jim’s a surprisingly private person. He doesn’t feel the need to broadcast every single happening in his life to anyone other than those that are the closest to him. A captain needs to maintain a certain amount of decorum with his crew no matter how close they get.

35. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

He doesn’t see anything that he enjoys as a waste of time. A waste of time implies it was both not enjoyable and serves no higher purpose.

36. What makes them feel guilty?

Failing in any way that results in injury to a member of the crew. That sort of thing eats at him for weeks.

37. Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

A good captain knows how to balance both. He wouldn’t put one over the other because they’re both essential to his very being and so he goes with his gut, but he backs it with facts (even if the facts are made up on the fly).

38. Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

He considers himself a Type B. Someone has to balance Spock and Bones, and besides... Being high strung never got him anywhere.

39. What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

Chess with Spock or a nice stiff drink with Bones.

40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

Neither. He’s as good as he is, but he’s no better than anyone else. Yeah, there are people that are better than him, but they have experience that he doesn’t and strives to achieve.

41. How misanthropic are they?

Not at all.

42. Hobbies?

Reading and chess.

43. How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

You don’t get to be a captain by dropping out and never finishing school. He has a lot of extensive schooling both through the standard system and through his years at the academy.

44. Religion?

Not religious.

45. Superstitions or views on the occult?

Skeptical. He’s never seen evidence that any of these things exist, so he doesn’t tend to believe in them.

46. Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

Primarily words, but also in deed. He’s a diplomat, and so he knows how to charm anyone if he sets his mind to it.

47. If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

He doesn’t have an ideal. An ideal implies that you restrict yourself to one type of person, and that’s just not Jim’s style. His only real requirements are that they be someone that he can find mentally stimulating.

48. How do they express love?

He’s a tactile lover. Touches to the arm, a hand at the lower back, a thumb brushing a cheek, laying so that the entire length of his body is touching his lover’s are all silent, simple ways Jim would express love.

49. If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

A little thing I’ve called James T. Kirk’s Full-Body Karate. It’s funny because he just... Flings himself at enemies.

50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

No. It’s a possibility he’s long since accepted about his job and position in Starfleet. He knows that one day he might die and he’s made peace with it.

He’s still convinced that he won’t die so long as Spock and Bones are with him, however. After all, he’s going to die alone.

#jim kirk #james t kirk #star trek tos #headcanon discourse

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imnoexpertblog · 6 years ago

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Look Good, Feel Good

5/9/18

It would make perfect sense that as I am writing the Health and Beauty blog I am CRAVING EVERYTHING BAD FOR ME EVER. I’m usually craving-free unless it’s shark week. But I currently could go for all the fast food, all the chocolate, all the fried stuff. Hopefully writing this will pull me out of that state. I have a long list of things to cover in this category and it’s so hard to only pick a few to start with! Interesting stuff coming for sure.

Ever heard of Olly? The vitamins? Well if you haven’t, you’re missing out. After a little bit of time on third shift, my body started to reject sleeping during the day. It was weird because it was going fine initially, then not so much after a little while. Now it really just depends on the day or how much noise is being made near/in my apartment building. Anyway, falling asleep has never been my problem. It’s staying asleep that I just can’t seem to master most days. I started researching vitamins and supplements that might help me, but also isn’t entirely melatonin. If you take too much of it, your body can potentially stop making it on its own and that just sounds scary to me. I came across Olly Restful Sleep gummies. I looked on the Olly website, Amazon, and on Target and the reviews were mostly 4 stars and 5 stars. People were claiming it cured their insomnia after years of searching for a fix. I saw that people were a fan of it helping you fall asleep as well as stay asleep, which was my whole goal. The taste reviews were also positive! They are a “blackberry zen” flavor. I was thinking this stuff might be gold in the form of a purple gummy. These gummies are also a mixture of melatonin (for the healthy sleep-cycle), L-theanine (to encourage calmness), and botanicals (to soothe and relax). I liked everything I was reading so I ordered them for $11.99 on Amazon. I figured if they don’t work, I didn’t break the bank over it. I looked at other vitamins they offer and I also bought the Vitamin D gummies. I thought if I sleep all day and the sun goes down soon after I wake up, there is no way I am getting enough sunlight. I was also sold on them as soon as I saw that they were lemon flavored. I am obsessed with lemon. So, I bought both and continued to look at all the Olly vitamins. I eventually added Flawless Complexion and Undeniable Beauty to my cart on a regular basis. Flawless Complexion has kept my face very clear since having quit tanning. They are flavored “berry fresh” and consist of vitamin A and E antioxidants (to support clear skin), zinc and selenium minerals (for new skin regeneration and cell detox), and a bunch of botanicals for odetoxification). Undeniable Beauty is flavored “grapefruit glam” and consists of biotin (for growth of hair, skin and nails), vitamin C (for collagen production), and borage oil (for naturally occurring GLA). I like these 4 and can see results, so I will keep at it. I take the vitamin D every day. I take the sleep gummies at the beginning of my work week when it is most difficult to get back to day-sleeping (after having slept through the night with Baby over the weekend). I rotate the other two every other day to avoid overkill and gutrot. I have tried the Goodbye Stress ones as well as the Vibrant Skin, too. I cut the Vibrant Skin because I disliked the texture and I already take 2 vitamins for my skin. The Goodbye Stress vitamins didn’t seem to do anything for me. Reviews claim otherwise for some, which is great for them, but I didn’t see a difference myself. There are more for energy, probiotics, digestion, daily vitamins, etc. Olly also carries smoothie/shake mixes and now granola bars! I’m excited to try more of their products.

Keep Calm and Detox. I was feeling puffy after drinking one weekend (I was probably just dramatic, it was the first time I drank two nights in a row and I fully regretted that. If you know me, you know that I rarely drink) so I went searching for a detox tea. I wanted to make sure I was getting something legitimate and something reviewed well. These detox teas can be scams, part of fad diets, have the wrong ingredients, or can possibly just not work. Being on a budget, Zero Tea 14 Day Detox Tea caught my attention being only $15 for a 14 day package. The reviews were promising (4.5 stars for almost 900 reviews). It has organic rooibos, cinnamon, green tea, nutmeg, cloves, red peppercorn, orange peels, and cornflower. Most importantly (to me) it does not have any laxatives in it, natural or otherwise. It claimed to boost your metabolism and energy, promote proper digestion, reduce bloating and inflammation, and to detoxify of course. Plus, everyone was raving about the taste. Taste is a big thing for me because I am really not much of a tea drinker. I think it tastes dirty most of the time. Pushing that fact aside, I trusted what these people were saying and I ordered it. I started it the day after it arrived, steeping the bag in 8 oz. of water for 5 minutes and drinking it upon waking up (it also recommends drinking 8 oz. of water before the tea, as well). I really was okay with how it tasted! It was kind of cider-ish and also citrus-y. Technical terms, LOL. I lost 2.4 pounds in those 14 days and I truly felt it did what it claimed to. I felt great the whole two weeks, was less puffy, even had great skin the whole time, lost those couple pounds, had energy, and it curbed my appetite and cravings. I got a little coupon inside the bag stating that if I gave them a review, I would get a free bag! Baby and I are going to split it and both do 7 days with our free bag. I’m excited!

I have never been one to spend a lot of money on much of anything, but make-up especially. I was at Wal-Mart with Baby a couple weeks ago and we passed an end-cap with boxes full of make-up. They all were under $10, worth much more, and had about five items in each! You can bet I was immediately interested. Budget friendly make-up? Uh, yes please. I have a recent obsession with highlight so the Walmart Beauty Favorites Box: Glow For It was all I could look at. It comes with Covergirl Vitalist Healthy Glow Highlighter, Found Coconut Sheet Mask, Milani Make it Dewy Setting Spray, Hard Candy Rose Gold Highlighter, and Wet N Wild MegaGlo Highlighting Powder. Maybe it’s a little overboard to use the three highlighters and the setting spray all together but I do. Every. Day. They also have Time For Eyes and Latest in Lips for the Beauty Boxes. There are three Hair Favorites Boxes as well; Refresh Renew Extend, Love My Curls, and Naturally Inspired. I am very close to buying the Naturally Inspired Hair Box. Give these cheap boxes a look!

Okay. My struggle this week (and/or this past.. few months). I am back to the gym. Reluctantly. Again. I was going regularly in February and I was really proud of myself! Then I got deathly ill and didn’t go for about a week. That is understandable. But that is what did it for me, getting sick knocked me right off saddle. My main motivator now is that Baby and I get discounts on our memberships at Western Racquet if we go a certain amount of times each month. Otherwise, it’s not cheap. I always heard good things about that place but always knew how expensive it was. I wasn’t interested in spending more than $20 a month, which was what I paid at Planet Fitness. Baby’s friend gave him a two-week trial at Western and he LOVED IT. He knew he was going to sign up right away. He then had me do a two-week trial. It’s very nice in there, don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t hooked though until I used the steam room and showers. HOLY MOLY. I never showered at Planet Fitness when I worked out there. There was nothing special about the showers or locker room there and I usually prefer to shower at home. But. Steaming changed the game for me. I had no idea how great it feels or how amazing it would be for my skin. The showers have hair/body soap dispensers and they even have little changing sections in each of them! Western provides towels, Q-tips, tampons, cotton balls, lotion, mouthwash, hair driers, SO MUCH STUFF. I don’t use the sauna but they have one of those too! I think having all of that is definitely worth the membership. Text WRFC to 95577 for a free two-week trial if you live in the area! Back to my struggle though, I really don’t feel like working out lately. My body just doesn’t want to sleep through the day these past couple weeks and I’m not sure what to do about it. Lacking the energy I would have if I slept enough is holding me back for sure. I’m just going to keep pushing myself to get to the gym, taking my Olly sleep gummies, forcing myself back to sleep every time I wake up, and look into ‘sleepy’ teas to potentially knock me out. If you have any tips, let me know! I already have black-out curtains and sleep with an eye-mask. Ya girl is TIRED.

I hope you survive Hump Day! I look forward to our next requested blog; anxiety in relationships. I’m off to sleep soon, wish me luck!

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vanityfairness · 7 years ago

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June 2018 Empties

* = disliked the product - would not repurchase ** = liked the product - would not repurchase *** = liked the product - might or might not repurchase **** = loved the product - would repurchase *HOLY GRAIL!*

1. Jayjun Cosmetic Anti-Dust Therapy Mask source: T&T Supermarket thoughts: I was definitely not expecting this mask to be green but it was. It reminds me of the movie The Mask, if anyone rememebers that. This mask was okay I didn’t find that it did much aside from the typical stuff (hydrate a bit etc). I haven’t used step 1 or 3 so I can’t say if those are any good. But I’ll probably try those out once I get through more of these masks and collect more. rating: **

2. Jayjun Cosmetic Baby Pure Shining Mask source: T&T Supermarket thoughts: This was okay not something I really like. rating: *

3. The Face Shop The Solution: Smoothing Face Mask source: The Face Shop thoughts: I actually like this one and always have a few in my stash. It does smooth out my skin as it does contain BHA. Absolutely enjoy using this. rating: ****

4. The Face Shop The Solution: Pore Care Face Mask source: The Face Shop thoughts: I don’t really think this has helped my pores. I found that this kind of made my pores appear a little bigger. I have used this in the past and haven’t really noticed it until now. It does contain tannin which is suppose to help with pores. rating: ***

5. By Wishtrend Natural Vitamin 21.5 Enhancing Sheet Mask source: Wishtrend thoughts: This was the first time I’ve used this. I wasn’t a big fan, since the mask sheet was pretty thick, and I do like my mask sheets on the thinner side. I can’t really say if it does what it claims yet. I will have to try it a few more times to see if it does. rating: ***

6. Tata Harper Refreshing Cleanser source: sample thoughts: I just found out that I didn’t use this product properly as it was suppose to be used on dry skin. No wonder it felt a little odd, because as I was using this I found it to be similar to a cleansing balm. Lo and behold it’s suppose to act as just that. Regardless, I did enjoy using this and it was a light cleanser that did not feel heavy on the skin. My skin did feel very nice and refreshed. The scent of this is on the citrusy side and it’s not too strong. I really enjoyed using this, however this product is pricey hence I would not purchase it. rating: **

7. Nature Republic Ginseng Royal Silk Foam Cleanser source: sample thoughts: This cleanser actually didn’t foam up that much. It was thick and heavy for my liking. However, it did make my skin nice and soft. Also the scent of this is very strong which is something that I don’t like too much. It’s a scent that does not bother me though. Overall, it wasn’t a bad cleanser but I would have to say that if you do wear a lot of make-up you would need to double cleanse, as I can see that this cleanser would not remove all the make up. rating: **

8. Skinfood Rice Daily Brightening Cleansing Foam source: sample thoughts: I wasn’t a big fan of this as it was really thick, but a little does go a long way. I don’t really like keeping foil packets open for a long time, hence I used it up in a day, morning and night. I didn’t notice any difference to my skin, but I feel like it’s a decent cleanser. rating: *

9. dermalogica precleanse source: sephora sample thoughts: I don’t know why but I was expecting this to be like a cream. However, this was like an oil kind of cleanser, that was light and turned milky as you massage it. It didn’t break me out which is a plus. I did like the experience, but I hate the feeling of it, hence I would not purchase this. rating: **

10. Garnier Makeup Removing Lotion Cleanser (5ml) source: sample thoughts: I’ve had this cleanser in my stash for a long time now, and I have finally tried it. This is like a cleansing balm. It did break up my makeup well but I’m not sure about the waterproof mascara part, since I usually only put on foundation and concealer. There was no scent to this either, and it had a very light feeling to it. Overall, it was a good cleanser. I did have to double cleanse though on days I wear a full face of makeup. The texture of this was nice and fluffy too. rating: **

11. SK-II Facial Treatment Essence (10ml) source: Yesstyle thoughts: I have heard a lot about this product, hence I decided to purchase a small bottle since I wasn’t willing to spend over $200 for the full size. It was also so I won’t be heartborken for spending such a large sum on something I wasn’t sure was good or not. Lo and behold, I’m not a big fan of this. A lot of people have mentioned the scent and the scent really did get to me. It wasn’t a scent that I was pleased with. Everytime I used it I would gag a little inside because of the scent. However this was more moisturizing compared to the Skin & Lab’s Bio-essence and Missha’s Time Revolution. rating: *

12. The Face Shop Herb Day Cleansing Tissue (70 sheets) source: The Face Shop thoughts: These are my holy grail cleasing tissues. It removes majority of my make-up and are very soft plus gentle. They also have a refreshing scent to them. I always have a pack in my stash. rating: *HOLY GRAIL!*

14. fresh Sugar Lip Treatment (4.3g/ 0.15oz) source: Sephora thoughts: I absolutely love fresh’s sugar lip treatments. I only bought this one because of the limited edition packagaing which a part of the proceeds would go to a fund for HIV medicine. The packaging has more of a weight than the regular ones and is glossy rather than the matte/satin finish. I’ve actually been trying to find a dupe for these but have yet to find one. I bought one of kiehl’s butter lip treatment and it’s just not the same. It’s just not as moisturizing as the fresh ones. Plus now that I think about it, it’s kind of worth the price considering it does last me a year or more. rating: ****

15. Thank You Farmer True Water Deep Serum & Cream (15ml/ 0.52oz) source: StyleKorean thoughts: These two products were amazing when used together. I noticed that my face would have that glow/ glass skin look afterwards. These were also hydrating,The texture of the serum was very liquid and the cream had a gel texture to it. Both products spread very easily on the skin, as long as you have enough on. The serum didn’t have much of a scent, although at times I do pick up a faint scent of something that I can’t put my finger on. As for the cream it has a light citrus scent to it. These products lasted me for a month, making them great for travelling with. Overall,I really enjoyed using these but I’m not sure if I really like the texture of these products. But I got to say that my skin looked amazing throughout my use of these products, I may consider these products in the future if the products in my stash don’t work out. I also just looked at the description for these products and it’s interesting what it says about them. True Water Deep Serum: A deep hydrating serum with a unique texture that moistens the tired and dried skin as the morning dews moisten the earth. True Water Deep Cream: A deep hydrating cream with unique liquid glue texture that comforts your tired and dried skin as if you find an oasis in the middle of the dessert. I purchased mine on stylekorean in a kit, which also came with a sunscreen. I would love to try other products by this brand in the future. rating: ***

16. 3W Clinic 100% Aloe Vera Soothing Gel (300g/ 10.58oz) source: YesStyle thoughts: This tub of aloe has really saved me especially when I randomly broke out in hives. It just relieved the itchiness, plus it’s hydrating and soothing to an extent. rating: ****

17. dear, klairs Rich Moist Foaming Cleanser (100ml/ 3.4oz) source: Wishtrend thoughts: This is a very nice foam cleanser so far. I had 3 in my stash and this is my second one now. I really like the ease of this as I don’t have to rub to create the foam. I think this may be my favourite foam cleanser so far; do keep in mind I haven’t tried that many foam cleansers. I do like that this is nice and light. However, I do finish these so fast compared to a regular cleanser where I need to create foam. I used this up roughly in a month, but I did use this day and night,. rating: ****

18. Missha Time Revolution The First Treatment Essence (150ml) source: YesStyle thoughts: I thought I’d give this a try since I really enjoyed Skin & Lab’s Bio-essence. This did last me 2 weeks longer than the Skin & Lab’s, however I found that this wasn’t as hydrating as the Skin & Lab’s. I mentioned that SK-II one was the most hydrating, and here is how I determined it: by the amounts of layers needed to achieve desired hydration level. SK-II 1 layer; Skin & Lab Bio-essence 3 layers; Missha Time Revolution 4-5 layers. I couldn’t detect a scent with this which is why I do like it. Overall, I really do like using this as it does help with hydrating my skin. I got this in a kit on yesstyle. Also I think this may be the product that had made my skin glowing, but I will have to test it out again to see, since I finished this and have rotated it out. rating: ****

David’s Tea Sunny C During the summer time, I tend to like to drink a lot of herbal/ fruit infusion teas. I loved the tea called orange glow from David’s but sadly they discontinued that and I thought I’d try this to see if this was a good substitute. This wasn’t bad, however I can really taste the ascorbic acid. This really feels like a healthier version of Sunny D. This tea contains apple, carrots, pineapple, orange, hibiscus, lemon peel, pink peppercorns, safflowers, ascorbic acid (vitamin C), and natural flavours. rating: ***

0 notes

stellatateblog · 7 years ago

Text

T nation write up

T nation has a lot of good articles came across this one just now..

T Nation addresses the current state of steroid science, this time addressing off-season drug cycles, scar tissue from injections, the overblown dangers of oral steroids, and a one-shot-a-month cruise.

Off-Season Cycling for Bodybuilders

T NationWhat does a typical off-season cycle look like for some of the bigger competitive bodybuilders (heavyweight or super heavyweight)? Admittedly, things vary a bit from guy to guy, but once you reach a certain level of development there are a few constants. Most of the big guys will run a Testosterone base since we’re talking offseason, usually enanthate or cypionate at around 1200-2000 mg per week. Testosterone (T) is the bread and butter of any cycle; I rarely work with anyone that doesn’t run a decent dose. Sometimes I’ll have a guy that likes to keep his anabolics (boldenone, nandrolone) higher than his T dose, but that’s rare. Next up would be the anabolic, and most bigger dudes will run 600-1000 mg per week of either Equipoise (boldenone) or Deca-Durabolin (nandrolone). Sometimes they’ll use Primobolan or trenbelone, but that’s not typical in the offseason; most stick with just boldenone and nandrolone and alternate back and forth between the two, say 8-10 week periods of each. After that, you’re looking at a daily growth hormone dose (4-10 IUs/day). I personally don’t think there’s any need to go higher than that, though some will run more if they can afford it. Most guys (not all, mind you, but most) will use insulin too, usually Humulin-R or Humalog at around 10-20 units per day. Again, this is something that some will use more of, but I don’t think that’s wise from a health standpoint or even needed, from a growth standpoint. After that, some might run the odd oral steroid here and there, such as a 4-week cycle of Dianabol or Anadrol every couple months or so, but again, that’s not really necessary some guys just like the quick boost in strength and water bloat. Oh, and most will run some sort of anti-estrogen year round too, like Arimidex at 1 mg every other day or thereabouts. That pretty much covers the basics. Injection Site Scarring

T Nation: Say I’ve started my first serious off-season cycle: 2-3 grams a week of gear, not including orals. I gotta say, it’s a lot of injections way more than my poor glutes and delts are used to. How do the guys at the top level deal with things like scar tissue? Well, first off, nobody in their right mind uses large gauge needles anymore; long gone are the days of 18g-22g harpoons or those "classic" Sustanon redi-jects. Nowadays, most guys are using 23-25 gauge pins, which are much smaller and don’t create near as much damage. Still, they’re doing a lot of shots per week, so they’re forced to rotate sites often. Standard body parts like glutes, quads, and delts are just part of the rotation they also hit lats (lats can easily take 3 cc’s), biceps, triceps, traps, rear delts and even chest that one always gives me the heebie-jeebies though; I suppose I’ve seen Pulp Fictiontoo many times to give that site an honest go. You also have to remember that there’s a bit of a benefit to scar tissue in certain areas when it builds up, it basically provides a cosmetic effect, not too unlike Synthol. If you build up enough scar tissue in your rear delts, they’re going to look bigger (and not stupid, if you do it right); same thing for parts like the outer lats. But if the real issue is you simply hate pinning yourself, that’s another matter entirely. Either get over it or quit no one’s forcing you to be a bodybuilder, right? Chinese GH

T Nation: Everyone is using generic Chinese growth hormone these days. How good is this stuff, really? Is it made in a Beijing bathtub? I keep seeing news stories about toys from China being recalled for containing lead and whatnot, and that’s not even the black market! When the generics first hit the market a few years back, I too, was skeptical, but the results I’ve seen (and experienced) so far have been good, for the most part. The cost of Chinese GH is so much cheaper than domestic pharmacy grade GH (under $2 per IU when purchased in bulk, as opposed to at least $6-8 per IU for the pharmaceutical grade stuff) that you can’t help but wonder about the quality of it, but it’s no big mystery: we all know the Chinese can produce a shit ton of stuff for next to nothing, and without rigid pharmaceutical standards to adhere to or other pesky ethical roadblocks like labor standards their overhead can be significantly lower. That obviously brings issues like quality and potency into question. I know some guys that have a hookup with a lab and for the past year have been testing Chinese GH for quality and quantity per vial. Quantity-wise, the results haven’t exactly been consistent some of the 10 IU vials have registered at only 4 IUs, while others have checked out at 9-9.5 IUs. There even was an 8 IU vial that actually checked out at 9 IUs per vial what a deal! Quality wise, it’s a better story. I’ve never seen one come back positive for lead or arsenic, so as far as I can tell I think we’re all good on that front. It appears it’s just a matter of getting the quantity you think you’re paying for. Quite honestly, even if it’s slightly less potent than the label claims it to be, in my mind the cost reduction more than makes up for it. But I suppose it goes without saying that you should always be confident in what you’re putting into your body, so trusting your source is of the utmost importance. I know the black market is always shady, and suffice it to say, regular business rules don’t always apply, but at least try to get to know your source so that you can develop a sense of trust in whatever you’re getting. Here’s what I suggest let them know that you’re aware of testing to determine the potency and quality if they know you’re going to be checking on them, they’ll be less likely to pass along a shoddy product. Steroid Hepatotoxicity

T Nation: We’ve heard that the negative effects of oral steroids are grossly overstated, and taking something as benign as a Tylenol a day is more harmful to the liver. What gives? I will admit, the hepatotoxicity of steroids (especially orals) is overstated. Ask anyone who works in an ER and they will tell you that Tylenol causes far more liver failures than oral steroids and yes, I realize that there are many more Tylenol-users than there are admitted oral steroid-users but steroid use has increased exponentially since the 1970s while liver failure has not. You do the math. That’s not to say oral steroids or any steroids are "safe," by any means, but I would be much more concerned about their effects on blood pressure and hemoglobin/hematocrit than the liver. That said, some of my guys will limit their oral use to pre-contest only, when it’s pretty much mandatory, and stick to injectables in the offseason. I do, however, still have quite a few guys who will run orals in the offseason as well, and so far none have had any issues (we keep tabs on things with blood work every 3 months or so). Speaking of blood work, here’s something to note: everyone focuses on ALT (alanine transaminase) and AST (aspartate aminotransferase) levels as being the main indicators of liver health, but there are many things that can throw those numbers off like training, possessing higher amounts of muscle mass, or having a higher BMI. If you can, make sure you get GGT (gamma-glutamyl transpeptidase) included with your bloodwork it’s a much better indicator of liver health. I’ve seen many bodybuilders with elevated AST and ALT levels, but have yet to see any with an elevated GGT. Still, I have all my guys take liver supplements like Milk Thistle and Liv-52, year round. Testosterone Undecanoate

T Nation: We’ve heard that some guys between "blast" phases are "cruising" with a really long-estered Testosterone, something like a once-a-month shot? What’s this all about? What you’re referring to is Testosterone undecanoate, in injectable form. You may have heard of TU before it was originally produced in an oral form called "Andriol," that supposedly worked by way of the lymphatic system but never really panned out, results-wise. The injectable form is a different story. Known by its pharmaceutical name "Nebido," it’s been prescribed for years in Europe and other countries around the world. It comes in a 4 ml. amp that contains a total of 1,000 mg of TU, and is usually injected in 6-14 week intervals. For many bodybuilders, this is obviously much less of a hassle than taking a shot of cypionate or enanthate every 3 to 7 days. The FDA has yet to approve Nebido for use in the US, but UGLs (underground laboratories) can easily obtain TU in powder form and manufacture it themselves, so it’s readily available to those in the know. Some guys like "cruising" with it between cycles, and some even run it year round, as a "backdrop" to their bigger cycles. I can’t say that it offers much benefit to the user other than the reduced injection frequency, but like I discussed above in the scar tissue question, the fewer shots you can do, especially at the pro level, the better.

T nation write up syndicated from https://ugbodybuildingblog.wordpress.com/

0 notes

ugbodybuilding · 7 years ago

Text

T nation write up

T nation has a lot of good articles came across this one just now.. T Nation addresses the current state of steroid science, this time addressing off-season drug cycles, scar tissue from injections, the overblown dangers of oral steroids, and a one-shot-a-month cruise. Off-Season Cycling for Bodybuilders T NationWhat does a typical off-season cycle look like for some of the bigger competitive bodybuilders (heavyweight or super heavyweight)? Admittedly, things vary a bit from guy to guy, but once you reach a certain level of development there are a few constants. Most of the big guys will run a Testosterone base since we're talking offseason, usually enanthate or cypionate at around 1200-2000 mg per week. Testosterone (T) is the bread and butter of any cycle; I rarely work with anyone that doesn't run a decent dose. Sometimes I'll have a guy that likes to keep his anabolics (boldenone, nandrolone) higher than his T dose, but that's rare. Next up would be the anabolic, and most bigger dudes will run 600-1000 mg per week of either Equipoise (boldenone) or Deca-Durabolin (nandrolone). Sometimes they'll use Primobolan or trenbelone, but that's not typical in the offseason; most stick with just boldenone and nandrolone and alternate back and forth between the two, say 8-10 week periods of each. After that, you're looking at a daily growth hormone dose (4-10 IUs/day). I personally don't think there's any need to go higher than that, though some will run more if they can afford it. Most guys (not all, mind you, but most) will use insulin too, usually Humulin-R or Humalog at around 10-20 units per day. Again, this is something that some will use more of, but I don't think that's wise from a health standpoint or even needed, from a growth standpoint. After that, some might run the odd oral steroid here and there, such as a 4-week cycle of Dianabol or Anadrol every couple months or so, but again, that's not really necessary some guys just like the quick boost in strength and water bloat. Oh, and most will run some sort of anti-estrogen year round too, like Arimidex at 1 mg every other day or thereabouts. That pretty much covers the basics. Injection Site Scarring T Nation: Say I've started my first serious off-season cycle: 2-3 grams a week of gear, not including orals. I gotta say, it's a lot of injections way more than my poor glutes and delts are used to. How do the guys at the top level deal with things like scar tissue? Well, first off, nobody in their right mind uses large gauge needles anymore; long gone are the days of 18g-22g harpoons or those "classic" Sustanon redi-jects. Nowadays, most guys are using 23-25 gauge pins, which are much smaller and don't create near as much damage. Still, they're doing a lot of shots per week, so they're forced to rotate sites often. Standard body parts like glutes, quads, and delts are just part of the rotation they also hit lats (lats can easily take 3 cc's), biceps, triceps, traps, rear delts and even chest that one always gives me the heebie-jeebies though; I suppose I've seen Pulp Fictiontoo many times to give that site an honest go. You also have to remember that there's a bit of a benefit to scar tissue in certain areas when it builds up, it basically provides a cosmetic effect, not too unlike Synthol. If you build up enough scar tissue in your rear delts, they're going to look bigger (and not stupid, if you do it right); same thing for parts like the outer lats. But if the real issue is you simply hate pinning yourself, that's another matter entirely. Either get over it or quit no one's forcing you to be a bodybuilder, right? Chinese GH T Nation: Everyone is using generic Chinese growth hormone these days. How good is this stuff, really? Is it made in a Beijing bathtub? I keep seeing news stories about toys from China being recalled for containing lead and whatnot, and that's not even the black market! When the generics first hit the market a few years back, I too, was skeptical, but the results I've seen (and experienced) so far have been good, for the most part. The cost of Chinese GH is so much cheaper than domestic pharmacy grade GH (under $2 per IU when purchased in bulk, as opposed to at least $6-8 per IU for the pharmaceutical grade stuff) that you can't help but wonder about the quality of it, but it's no big mystery: we all know the Chinese can produce a shit ton of stuff for next to nothing, and without rigid pharmaceutical standards to adhere to or other pesky ethical roadblocks like labor standards their overhead can be significantly lower. That obviously brings issues like quality and potency into question. I know some guys that have a hookup with a lab and for the past year have been testing Chinese GH for quality and quantity per vial. Quantity-wise, the results haven't exactly been consistent some of the 10 IU vials have registered at only 4 IUs, while others have checked out at 9-9.5 IUs. There even was an 8 IU vial that actually checked out at 9 IUs per vial what a deal! Quality wise, it's a better story. I've never seen one come back positive for lead or arsenic, so as far as I can tell I think we're all good on that front. It appears it's just a matter of getting the quantity you think you're paying for. Quite honestly, even if it's slightly less potent than the label claims it to be, in my mind the cost reduction more than makes up for it. But I suppose it goes without saying that you should always be confident in what you're putting into your body, so trusting your source is of the utmost importance. I know the black market is always shady, and suffice it to say, regular business rules don't always apply, but at least try to get to know your source so that you can develop a sense of trust in whatever you're getting. Here's what I suggest let them know that you're aware of testing to determine the potency and quality if they know you're going to be checking on them, they'll be less likely to pass along a shoddy product. Steroid Hepatotoxicity T Nation: We've heard that the negative effects of oral steroids are grossly overstated, and taking something as benign as a Tylenol a day is more harmful to the liver. What gives? I will admit, the hepatotoxicity of steroids (especially orals) is overstated. Ask anyone who works in an ER and they will tell you that Tylenol causes far more liver failures than oral steroids and yes, I realize that there are many more Tylenol-users than there are admitted oral steroid-users but steroid use has increased exponentially since the 1970s while liver failure has not. You do the math. That's not to say oral steroids or any steroids are "safe," by any means, but I would be much more concerned about their effects on blood pressure and hemoglobin/hematocrit than the liver. That said, some of my guys will limit their oral use to pre-contest only, when it's pretty much mandatory, and stick to injectables in the offseason. I do, however, still have quite a few guys who will run orals in the offseason as well, and so far none have had any issues (we keep tabs on things with blood work every 3 months or so). Speaking of blood work, here's something to note: everyone focuses on ALT (alanine transaminase) and AST (aspartate aminotransferase) levels as being the main indicators of liver health, but there are many things that can throw those numbers off like training, possessing higher amounts of muscle mass, or having a higher BMI. If you can, make sure you get GGT (gamma-glutamyl transpeptidase) included with your bloodwork it's a much better indicator of liver health. I've seen many bodybuilders with elevated AST and ALT levels, but have yet to see any with an elevated GGT. Still, I have all my guys take liver supplements like Milk Thistle and Liv-52, year round. Testosterone Undecanoate T Nation: We've heard that some guys between "blast" phases are "cruising" with a really long-estered Testosterone, something like a once-a-month shot? What's this all about? What you're referring to is Testosterone undecanoate, in injectable form. You may have heard of TU before it was originally produced in an oral form called "Andriol," that supposedly worked by way of the lymphatic system but never really panned out, results-wise. The injectable form is a different story. Known by its pharmaceutical name "Nebido," it's been prescribed for years in Europe and other countries around the world. It comes in a 4 ml. amp that contains a total of 1,000 mg of TU, and is usually injected in 6-14 week intervals. For many bodybuilders, this is obviously much less of a hassle than taking a shot of cypionate or enanthate every 3 to 7 days. The FDA has yet to approve Nebido for use in the US, but UGLs (underground laboratories) can easily obtain TU in powder form and manufacture it themselves, so it's readily available to those in the know. Some guys like "cruising" with it between cycles, and some even run it year round, as a "backdrop" to their bigger cycles. I can't say that it offers much benefit to the user other than the reduced injection frequency, but like I discussed above in the scar tissue question, the fewer shots you can do, especially at the pro level, the better.

0 notes

insanemoonfish · 8 years ago

Text

Why! those useless, vain forms are! so fun to fill!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal than milk, because I already get my daily intake of milk with my coffee!

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? No because it ends up messing with my nose! And I hate feeling cold!

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I usually read on my phone or memorize the page number. If I really need a bookmark I just use a scrap of paper.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Tea bag in mug with hot microwaved water, coffee powder in mug with hot microwaved milk (plus cinnamon, sweetener, and vitamins).

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Not really but I dislike my face in general :'D I have this thing where I don't truly recognize my face as my own ???

6: do you keep plants? No, but I may keep a garden in the future because I love flowers!

7: do you name your plants? I'm the kind of person who names RPG characters as their class! So my plants would have very creative names like Rose and Carnation!

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I don't really express my feelings, I stomp on them! But I guess I can draw!

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yes, it's fun and keeps me awake!

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side until I'm drowsy enough, then on my back like in a coffin!

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? What friends!??!? Jokes?? AHAHA

12: what's your favorite planet? Shockingly I don't have one! I like Uranus because it's light blue but the name!!!!!

13: what's something that made you smile today? MEMES!

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Like hell!

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Why... okay. "Neutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second." IDK if this is true!

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Instant emergency noodles!

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? White! I wanna be a white-haired animu grill!

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. What! Friends!!!

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Yes, I write down my nightmares! It makes them less frequent and scary for some reason!

20: what's your favorite eye color? Grey, maybe! All are great!

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I have had a few school backpacks like that!

22: are you a morning person? I can function at morning, but I without a doubt work better at night! Not sure if that counts as not being a morning person!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? HAHAHAHAHAA!!!

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? I DON'T EVEN TRUST MYSELF

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? WHY WOULD I EVER- some abandoned houses, some classrooms, some janitor's closets, some school storerooms,

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Boots > shoes :)

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? TUTTI-FRUTTI!!!! I'M CHEWING SOME RIGHT NOW

28: sunrise or sunset? SUNSET. SUNRISE SUCKS not only because it lasts for exact 5 seconds BUT BECAUSE IT'S COLD and school time! Sunsets are cool because they remind me of DEATH!

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? IDK I'm easily impressed most people can just breathe and I'll find it "endearing" and fascinating

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? YEAH DAMNED NIGHTMARES JUST

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. I LOVE SOCKS, THERE ARE 0 REASONS TO NOT LOVE THEM. But I don't sleep with them unless it's very cold. And black socks all the way.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. R E G R E T S

33: what's your fave pastry? IS THE CAKE THING OF A PETIT GATEAU A PASTRY? I DON'T KNOW MANY OF THEM AND I'M TOO TIRED TO GOOGLE IT

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? PURA THE TIGER, named after the tiger from Crash Bandicoot. It was the Parmalat tiger without the milk bag that I cut off. No, I donated it because it made me nostalgic.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Whas this :'D I don't care about pretty I literally only bring 2 cheap black retractable pens to school

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Don't ask me about music THANK YOU

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean because I'm allergic to dust!

38: tell us about your pet peeves! When people assume things about me hhhhhhhhh

39: what color do you wear the most? Black, reds and navy 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? A silver necklace with a black pendant! IT REMINDS ME OF DEATH!!1 I'M REPEATING MYSELF!

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? The Miserables! Even though I don't remember it well, even after reading it TWICE! HOW! YOU GO, ME!

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! I HAVE COFFEE AT HOME ONLY ‘CAUSE I’M BROKE

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Don't remember, wasn't special

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? TODAY. IN THE CORE OF THE STRESS ZONE LIES A SERENITY ZONE, ALWAYS. CAN'T MISS IT.

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? NO. FUCK INSTINCTS

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I'M TERRIBLE AT THESE AND I CAN'T THINK AT THE MOMENT.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? P E P P E R

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? ANGRY PEOPLE CHASING ME TO HURT ME IN VARIOUS WAYS! YES!

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? NO! LONG LIVE ONLINE PIRACY!

50: what's an odd thing you collect? NIGHTMARES!

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? I won't say names but there's A BOY, MY ANNOYING FRIEND WHO'S AN ENDLESS UNWANTED SOURCE OF SHITTY MEMES, that I always associate with the song "The Worse It Gets" from Penguin Prison.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? OH there's that jojo "to be continued" one, that brain illumination one, that one where a picture gets less and less detailed I don't even know

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? Look this thing seemed smaller a few minutes ago and I want to finish it quickly and go to sleep

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? I'm the worst at recognizing what others are feeling and I don't pay attention because it's rude to stare and not my business

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? I feel that I have a lot of examples of this but can't remember a single one

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? When they're insecure, it's amusing like oh don't be like that I really am NOT judging you you're amazing, unless they're really nasty ppl ofc

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? I like this song it's funny and reminds me of an old friend

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? ROFL WHAT

59: what's your favorite myth? Again I FEEL I can answer this but right now my brain is not working

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? I like poetry when it relates to me or when someone I know wrote it, otherwise I don't bother (UPDATE! Ye Wearie Wayfarer by Adam Lindsay Gordon RULES!!)

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? My memoryyyyyy

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? If I'm having last night's dinner for breakfast, yes, orange juice

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? YES. ORGANIZED AND VERY CLEAN.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? BLACK AS MY NOT-RUNNING SYNAPSES

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? I'd rather keep them buried in my deepest thoughts, far away from my superficial consciousness!

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? My a e s t h e t i c sense is terrible but I like carnations and forget-me-nots

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Bad, I like the sky when it's blue

68: what's winter like where you live? Rainy, lots of fog, unpredictable weather.

69: what are your favorite board games? mmmmmmmmm IDK

70: have you ever used a ouija board? ughhhhhhhhhha

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? Chamomile, it reminds me of my favorite horror game, Demento, and it’s sweet and delicious and pretty

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? If I didn't make an effort to memorize it, yes

73: what are some of your worst habits? Biting my nails, neglecting people, being paranoid about some stuff, procrastinating, brushing my feels aside, I could go on,

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Well that's hard how about CANDY

75: tell us about your pets! THEY'RE GREAT IT'S A SHAME THEY'LL DIE SOON

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Obviously. Just OBVIOUSLY

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Pink, love pink, pink all the way, all the pinks.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? The IDC club

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Offer me their jacket when it started raining it was just AWWW. And when someone promised to be my friend FOREVER!!!!! HAHAHAA

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Nope because the bedroom is not mine HAHAHA well if I had one I'd paint everything white 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Chocolate, very sweet, much creativity

82: are/were you good in school? Can't you tell

83: what're some of your favorite album art? Don't ask me (8) about music (8)

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Absolutely not, it hurts, it attracts attention, it makes people know about me... If I ever got one It’d be a word or sentence or a small symbol

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? Webcomics only, I’m... too lazy

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Yes but... Lazy

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Cosmos is not a movie but here I am talking about Cosmos again idk if you don’t like documentaries go watch Gran Torino 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? I’m sure there is but my brain is out

89: are you close to your parents? No unfortunately

90: talk about one of your favorite cities. Any safe and at least moderately urban city is fine with me

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? Nowhere, I don't really like traveling, it's stressful and expensive

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? I DON'T LIKE PASTA OR CHEESE FIGHT ME

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Long, layered, side bangs

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Why does this matter

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Working.. WORK.. AHAHA

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? I never install them, when I HAVE to I plan for it because it takes forever

97: Myers-Briggs type, zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? INTP Leo Bronzebird

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? No because I was with my parents

99: list some songs that resonate with your soul whenever you hear them. So damn many I should make a list

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Wow hum... 5 years into the past I guess because I'd be able to study more and live longer (why living longer sounds smart to me? I must like to suffer)

#tag

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