#the cop!Cassandra au that lives in my head

[redinkofshame]

Modern AU where Varric's spy network and fingers-in-every-pie is just that he's a really good hacker and very nosy. He still pretends he doesn't know how to save a .PDF

[arrowheadedbitch]

Alright the time has come to share my final au

For the day, not ever don't worry

Playing a little catchup rn if you couldn't tell

Au where Shawn is Apollo and Lassie is Hyacinth 👀

....Juliet is Cypruses

Except JUST KIDDING haha, because I decided Juliet makes a better Hyacinth and Lassie is a perfect Cyprusususeses whatever the fuck

Gus is Hermes ig

Abigail is Daphne??? 👀👀👀

Ares is Jimmy Nickels ☠️☠️☠️ lol

Haha Henry is Zeus

Victoria is Zephyrus (the west wind) if you keep Lassie as Hyacinth jajdnsmskdjs

I guess since Juliet is Hyacinth, Declan is the west wind instead??? Or we go with the version of the story where Zephyrus wasn't even involved

LINDSAY FROM PSY V PSY IS CASSANDRAAA

"Lindsey lies and everyone believes her, Cassandra tells true prophecies yet no one believes her"-Toast

And she slept with Shawn in a way that kinda parallels Cassandra's betrayal of Apollo

AND APOLLO HAS THE SAME HATE FOR DAD AND LOVE FOR MOM AAAAAAAA

Leto Maddyyyy

Myra as Dionysus

If we keep Lassie as Hyacinth, INSTEAD OF PLAYING DISCUS TOGETHER SHAWN AND LASSIE ARE SHOOTING TOGETHER

This is where I realised that I should switch Jules and Lassie

So Jules gets killed via discus and Lassie begs Shawn to kill him for accidentally killing something sacred 👀👀👀

Cyprus died because he shot something, Lassie would totally go hunting and accidentally shoot the wrong deer

(For those who don't know, Cyprus was a man Apollo loved, he loved him so much he gifted him a sacred deer but Cyprus accidentally shot and killed it while hunting. Unable to live with the guilt, he begged his lover, Apollo, to kill him. So Apollo turned him into a tree, and that's how Cyprus Trees were made)

Its the same strong sense of justice that made him a cop, that made him break Shawn's tape, that gets him killeddd

Justice too strong to let himself get away with shooting the sacred deer Shawn gave himmmmmm

Also Juliet turning into a flower and Lassie turning into a tree just sounds right

~~Juliet died rollerskating instead /j/j/j~~

Juliet dying during a happy day out also feels right

It's like a movie where everything is perfect and then the wife gets hit by a car and now everything sucks

It just...matches

(For those who don't know, Hyacinth was a beautiful prince who fell in love with Apollo, they dated but Zephyrus, the west wind, was also in love with Hyacinth and while Apollo was teaching Hyacinth to play discus, it's like frisby but with a stone discus instead of plastic, Zephyrus decided that if he couldn't have the prince no one could, so he blew a gust of wind to make the discus strike Hyacinth in the head, killing him. Despite being the god of medicine, Apollo couldn't heal his lover, so he turned him into a flower. This is why the Hyacinth flower exists. And to this day, Apollo doesn't know it wasn't his fault that Hyacinth died.)

Here's a great moment from the server

Who's selene in this because Hermes doesn't marry

Maybe no selene and Shus is the end goal 🤔

And that wierd guy Myra married is Ariadne lol

So, in closing.

Apollo: Shawn, Hyacinth: Juliet, Cyprus: Lassie, Hermes (and maybe Artemis at the same time? I dunno): Gus, Henry: Zeus, Madeleine: Leto, Dionysus: Myra, Her dead ass husband: Ariadne, (omg that means that Gus kills him if he's Artemis 😭☠️😭☠️😭☠️), Zephyrus: Maybe one of Jule's exes, maybe no one??? (There are alternate versions of the story where Zephyrus wasn't involved and it was wholey Apollo's fault...)

And, side note, a Shawn as Dionysus au would totally fucking slap if any of yall wanna get on that

Bonus points of he still doesn't like the taste of wine despite being the god of wine

Thanks to @thespiritssaidso for having this discussion with me :]

[gotham-emergency]

Gotham Emergency, a Batfamily first responders Au

(Feel free to repost or reference anything from my account)

On this Earth the Children of Bruce Wayne don't need capes to be heroes

        Dick Grayson is an officer of the GCPD. He was adopted by Bruce Wayne after his parents were murdered. When his parents died Jim Gordon was the officer on the case and was the one who talked to Dick. He waa the one that made Dick want to be an officer.

     Barbara Gordon is the daughter of Jim Gordon Gotham's current commissioner. She become a office like her father and was Dick's partner until she got shot chasing a suspect. The injury may have left her unable to walk but she refused to stop helping those in need. She now works as a 911 dispatchers.

     Jason Todd is a doctor at Gotham general. He use to be a kid living on the street until he decided to try and pickpocket Bruce Wayne and ended up getting adopted instead. Jason became a doctor to help people like his mother.  He is feared by everyone at the hospital especially the interns and tents to butt heads with his coworkers.While he might not have the best beside manor he is one of the top Doctors in his field. He also tends to bend the rules to help his patients.

     Stephanie Brown is Jason's annoying intern who is determined to be his best friend. Unlike Jason Stephanie has the best bed side manor in the hospital and gets along with most patients and coworkers. She also likes to sneak her patients cupcakes and candy.

     Tim Drake is an crime sence investigator. His parents were murdered while he was six and their killer was never caught. Bruce took in the kid and tried to help him. When Tim was ten he started studying cold cases and crime sence photos. A few years later he be came a crime sence photographer. Eventually he started talking to the investigators, helping them with cases. After helping solve a really big case he became the youngest crime sence investigato

     Cassandra Cain is a dancer instructor for kids with disabilities. She was Dick's first case as a Officer in training. Her father had been training her to become an assassin. From the moment he saw her he knee he had to take her in. He finally got to bring his litter sister home after weeks of paper work and conceiving Bruce to take her in. At first she was very standoffish but she eventually warmed up to them and grew to lover her new family. She dosen't speak much but she has a special sign language she and her students use.

     Damian Wayne is Bruce biological son. Jason wants him to be a doctor while Dick wants him to be an officer. Bruce wants him to be happy. Poor Damian has no idea what he wants. He has a lot to live up to with all his older siblings being considered hero's of Gotham but for now can he just be a normal kid?

     Duke Thomas is a transfer from bludhaven who came to take over Barbara's old job. He had no idea what he was getting into. He tries to be a good cop and play by the roles sadly his new partner seems determine to get them both in trouble. 

Click here to read on AO3

[shieldedsouls]

tag dump ten ft. isms, verses, and aesthetic tags !!

[awesomenightfall]

all this and heaven, too

For @lucyrne​! Modern!AU Varric/Bethany nonsense (featuring garbage!Purple!Hawke, ofc.) Mild language and mild (not explicit) sexual content. yes I also snuck in my guilty pleasure ship, Hawke --> Cassandra. Unbeta’d trash. Sorry.

---

Varric was two clicks away from confirming his Edible Arrangements order before sanity returned.

Sorry I had sex with your little sister, enjoy this fruit basket was probably not the best way to broach the subject of his night with Bethany.

Like most things in Varric’s life, he hadn’t planned for it to happen. Bethany Hawke, infinitely good, patient, and wonderful, having a sliver of interest in someone like him was too fantastical for even his overactive imagination. Sure, there had been months of blatant flirting, but Varric figured it was Bethany just being a nice girl. He never could have dreamed that what started as a friendly dinner and drinks would turn into “Oh shit, it’s 4:00 am and Bethany lost her bra under the bed.”

He never could have dreamed that that the venn diagram of Varric’s Pathetic Fantasies and Varric’s Harsh Reality would actually overlap for once in his life.

And of course, it had to happen with his best friend’s little sister.

Worse, it wasn’t even the usual “I’m so sad and lonely and hate myself” sex Varric indulged in. It ventured into “Oh no, I care about you and respect you” territory and that was terrifying in and of itself without the added complication of it being with a Hawke.

Varric knew there was always the option of never telling his best friend about his transgression, but he had had lived the secret relationship life before, and romance novels made it seem so much more glamorous than reality. No one liked to be kept a secret and both Bethany and Hawke (and himself, damn it) deserved better than that.

So here he was, prepared to send his lifelong friend an Edible Arrangement (because nothing said, “sorry I probably betrayed your trust and banged -- lovingly and respectfully, mind you -- your sister” like chocolate covered fruit) just to avoid the face-to-face confrontation.

Shutting his laptop, Varric looked up to his ceiling for answers and sighed when none were given. If he wanted to see where this thing with Bethany went, they’d eventually have to come clean to Hawke.

His phone dinged and, of course, it was the man he was hoping to avoid for the next fifty years or so.

[I'm a hoe, rich bitch and I work like I'm broke still]: the eagle flies at midnight!! caw caw!!

[Varric]: Hawke? When did you change your name in my phone?

[Varric]: Also, what the hell are you talking about? It’s 9:00 pm.

[I'm a hoe, rich bitch and I work like I'm broke still]: meet me @ the gym tomorrow at 7 sharp. officer mchottie lifts bright and early and im gonna be there to meet her. need my wingdwarf to hype me up

Varric was mid “go fuck yourself” text because he did not do mornings and he doubly did not do the gym when a pang of guilt hit him.

Shit.

[Varric]: Fine, but I’m only telling one Champion of Kirkwall story and then I’m out of there. I hate how gyms smell of sweat, self loathing, and despair.

[I'm a hoe, rich bitch and I work like I'm broke still]: ur the best! ;)

No he wasn’t.

He was garbage that was falling in love with his best friend’s sister.

---

“So who is this mystery lady that I got out of bed for?” Varric asked, plopping down on a nearby bench. “A cop? What, going legit, Hawke?”

He and Varric had skirted the law enough times that it was hilarious to think that Hawke wanted to hook up with an officer of the law. Varric was sure this was some kind of weird fantasy fulfillment or maybe Hawke had just run out of women in Kirkwall to have sex with. Either way, he had an ulterior motive: he was helping his friend, so perhaps Hawke would be more open to the possibility of Varric maybe, just maybe, dating his sister.

Hawke craned his neck, tilting his head towards the far side of the room. “10:00 o’clock. Don’t be so obvious. Wait a few seconds before looking.”

“Discretion is my middle name. So, about Bethany --”

“What about her?” Hawke started stretching just for show.

Varric’s throat dried up. The rational part of his mind knew Hawke would probably be fine with it. But the irrational part of his mind, the one that sounded suspiciously like the father of his ex, was screaming that he was worthless and what did have to bring to the table of any relationship?

He was a moderately successful author, he reminded himself. A businessman. A pretty damn good friend. Hawke’s damn good friend. Hawke’s damn good friend who helped get him laid by talking about how awesome Hawke was all the time.

But still...

“We--” Varric narrowed his eyes once he hit the 10:00 position. There stood a very familiar woman, tall, with cropped hair and cheekbones that could cut a man. “Wait. Isn’t that the cop who arrested me a few months back?”

Hawke’s eyes widened innocently. Too innocently. “What? Whatever do you mean?”

Varric scowled. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh my dear, Varric,” Hawke chuckled. “I’m always serious.”

A headache starting from the base of his neck starting creeping up. It was a welcome distraction from his internal “This Is Why I Suck” monologue. “Hawke. She arrested me!”

“Well, maybe you deserved it.”

“She arrested and questioned me trying to get to you!” Varric hissed. It was taking all of his impeccable self control not to drop the Fine, you want to hook up with the cop that cuffed me? Good, because I made your sister scream my name last night. In your apartment bomb. “Where’s your loyalty?”

Says the dwarf sleeping with his friend’s precious little sister.

Hawke gestured towards the woman in question with a flourish. “Who needs loyalty when you could have those biceps? And did you see her abs? I know for a fact that she’s a huge fan of yours. You’re my in.”

Varric scrubbed his hand with his face. He’d rather listen to Anders’ manifesto -- the unabridged version -- than do this, but his conscience was eating at him.

“You owe me. You owe me so much and I’m going to collect, you bastard.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

---

Varric’s pocket vibrated, no doubt a message from Hawke scheming another plan to try to get a date with Officer Pentaghast, who did not take their earlier bait. In fact, she had looked them both over and only uttered a disgusted little, “Ugh” at the interruption to her workout. Varric imagined that the chase made her all the more appealing to Hawke; he was a true masochist.

Maybe that’s why they were such good friends. They did so love to suffer for their bad decisions.

“Is everything alright?” Bethany asked, pausing the television. It was Thursday, which meant they were indulging in their weekly bad reality show watching ritual, but Varric could barely concentrate on the shitty lives of the people on TV because he was so entrenched in his own bullshit. “You’re a million miles away.”

“Yes,” he said immediately but then thought better of himself. Bethany deserved better. “Shit, no. Sorry, Sunshine.”

Bethany gave him a sympathetic look and took his hand. “You’re not internally monologuing again, are you?”

“She said wisely, knowing full well that was exactly what he was doing.” Varric chuckled. “Just thinking about Hawke.”

“Ugh,” she said, not able to disguise the fondness in her voice. “Must you? He gets your attention every other hour of the day. Concentrate on the Hawke in front of you, if you please.”

He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Varric had done it a thousand times in the years he had known her, but it felt new, exciting. Great, now he was feeling mushy and gross. As if things weren’t bad enough already. “Sorry. I’m just a little worried what he’ll think.”

Bethany clicked off the television and faced him fully. She frowned a little. “Why? We’re not doing anything wrong.”

He put his hands up. “I know that. You know that. Will he know that?”

“Who cares? You’re talking about a man who has slept with literally all of my friends. And all of your friends. Just desserts, if you ask me.”

Varric snorted. “Going through your rebellious stage, Sunshine?”

She tossed the remote off the couch and climbed into his lap. “Shall we find out?”

Oh, he was in.

---

Three shots of whiskey and Varric was ready.

He was a grown ass dwarf and he was going to bite the bullet and face judgment.

… okay, maybe after one more shot of liquid courage.

“I’m going to just say it,” Varric gasped at the after burn, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m dating your sister. I care about her. She puts up with me, weirdly enough. And she deserves better than us sneaking around. So… there it is.”

Varric steeled himself for the outcome. He didn’t want to lose Hawke -- either Hawke -- but he wasn’t going to damn this relationship to failure without a fight. He just hoped his best friend didn’t deck him too hard.

Hawke put his beer down. “I know.”

“You-- what?”

“Do you think I’m an idiot? Don’t answer that,” Hawke amended quickly. “But come on, I’m not blind.”

Varric’s shoulder sagged in relief. And then, he was annoyed.

What the fuck? He had been stressed for weeks for nothing?

Maker, he hated this man.

“So you knew the entire time,” Varric said flatly.

“Duh,” said Hawke. “You’re my best mate. She’s my sister. It was so obvious. I think it’s great. I’m happy for you.”

Maker, he loved this man.

Hawke jabbed his beer bottle in Varric’s direction threateningly. “But I better not hear one word about a certain married ex coming into the picture if you’re seriously with my sister. If you hurt her, I hurt you. Clear?”

“Crystal. I know my word doesn’t mean much, but I’ll do this right, Hawke.”

“Great,” Hawke said cheerfully. “Now that that’s all resolved, let’s talk about me and Cassandra --”

“You’re on a first name basis?!”

“ -- picture this. I’m thinking.. Flowers. A shit ton of them. Maybe confetti. Women like confetti, right?”

Varric took another shot with a smirk, feeling better than he had in weeks.

“Sure, Hawke. She’ll like confetti. And extremely loud and ostentatious confessions of love, maybe with doves...”

[lumateranlibrarian]

WIP Word Memes

Rules: Find the assigned words in your current WIP, then pick 4 new words and tag some peeps to find them.

I was tagged by the delightful @penthesilea1623 to find snippets of my current WIPs with the following words: laugh, fingers, frown, and breath.

Laugh

This WIP is a Cop/Firefighter AU with Cop!Cullen and my canon inquisitor Firefighter!Japhra Cadash, where they broke up months ago, but someone forgot to change his emergency contacts. Lo and behold, there is an emergency. This is an old one, but I always did like it...

Oh, god. Partners. Where is she?

Frantically, Japhra scanned the waiting area, a small, alcove-like room just off the lobby main. When she saw the dark, close-cropped hair matched with the long-since healed scar running down the woman’s cheek, she called out, quiet but sharp.

“Cass!”

Cassandra Pentaghast’s head snapped up. She looked furious, but when she saw Japhra, her expression morphed into one of defensiveness and confusion.

“What are you doing here, Japhra?”

Japhra let out a strangled laugh, and dropped down into the seat next to the woman. “I… I think he forgot to take me off his emergency contact.”

Cass’ eyes went wide, and she stiffened. Japhra bit the inside of her cheek to keep from reacting. “Have you called Mia or anybody?” she asked quickly, changing the subject.

“I have not,” Cass admitted. She frowned. “I do not have their information.”

Japhra sighed and slumped back into the chair. Cullen, you idiot. “I do.”

Fingers

Taken from an Overwatch Jesse McCree/Fareeha Amari WIP I have sitting around because this pairing intrigues the HECK out of me. 

“Jesse?”

“Huh?”

Her fingers clench in the grass, like she doesn’t know what to do with her hands. She leans a little closer to him, her face open and more than a little worried.

“I know everything’s classified, but if you weren’t okay, you’d tell me, right?”

He holds her gaze for a second that seems to stretch out into an age. She’s beautiful and brave, and she’s gonna change the world one day. He’s a black ops agent planning to drop off the face of the Earth sooner rather than later. He doesn’t know if he’s ever gonna see her again.

Never let it be said Jesse has a lick of good sense anywhere in his entire body, because he closes the gap between them and matches his lips to hers.

Frown

I guess it’s just a Cullen/Cadash day today, because here we have a canon timeline interaction between my two disaster children trying to make it work and figuring out how to bring the rebel mages into Haven.

Cullen snorted and shook his head. “Even assuming they agree, if we let them into Haven, they put the village at tremendous risk. Grand Enchanter Fiona has hundreds of mages with her. That’s enough to match the population of Haven and then some. We’ll be profoundly outnumbered. I haven’t the men to match that threat if they begin to turn on us.”

“Why are you so ready to assume they will?” she pushed.

“I lived in Kirkwall for nearly a decade,” he declared grimly. “I cannot count the number of blood mages and abominations my men had to put down during those years, within the Gallows and without.”

She frowned and bit at her lower lip, thinking carefully. “It’s my understanding that Kirkwall was the worst of all the Circles,” she said slowly.

Markham had never had a Circle, though it did have a standing force of Templars stationed within the Chantry. In the rare case a mage was discovered in Markham, the Templars would escort the child to the nearest Circle, the one located in Ostwick… well. They said the magelet was escorted to Ostwick. She had never looked into the worst of the rumors, nor had anyone she’d known. Dwarves had enough troubles of their own, particularly the ones that ran with the Carta.

Guilt tightened her throat.

Fire and Blight. Why didn’t I care?

Breath

How about some fluff? As much as I can write, anyways. It is definitely Cullen/Cadash day, which I should probably take as a sign that I need to get to writing them again. This is the obligatory “Cullen brought a baby to Haven” AU.

“I’ve never seen a human baby before,” Japhra burst out, and wanted to clap a hand over her mouth. Of all the stupid things she could have told him. She should have just turned right around and walked out.

“Really? You haven’t?” he said disbelievingly.

“Ah…” Japhra began, and bit her lip. She felt her face flush. “... no?”

“But surely you must have…” Cullen began, and trailed off even before Japhra began to shake her head.

“Believe it or not, most human smugglers don’t bring their children on lyrium runs,” she smirked. “If they’re even the family type. Which you are, I guess?” She snuck another glance at the tiny, squirming form in the cradle.

The Commander stared at her for a moment, then let out a tiny huff of laughter. “Maker’s breath. You’re quite curious, aren’t you?”

Japhra took a step back. “If you’re going to make fun of me, Commander, don’t.”

Cullen blinked. “No! That… that wasn’t my intent. I apologize. I only meant, you’re always asking questions. It’s not a bad thing. It’s good.”

“Oh,” Japhra managed. “I, uh… Thank you.”

And that’s all she wrote, folks!

The words I choose are: light, space, time, and breath

Because I may have been keeping relatively quiet about it but yeah, I binge-read that webcomic, and may I just say? Holy shit, I get it now.

If anyone has any WIPs they’d like to share, consider yourself tagged! But, just because, I’ll also tag @fishfingersandscarves @godihatethisfreakingcat and @eponymous-rose... 

[ernmark]

Can we maybe get more of the au where Peter's the detective and Juno's the thief?

Excellent timing! I’ve been on-and-off working on this one for a while now, so here’s a chance to show you what I’ve got.

Warnings for blood & gore, violence, and some medical squickiness.

You can find Part 1 here | Part 2

It doesn’t matter how fast he runs. The gangsters coming afterhim could follow at a walk; all they have to do is follow the increasinglywobbly trail of blood that he’s leaving behind. Hell, at this rate, they mightnot even catch up with him before he bleeds out. They won’t even have to finishthe fight, then. They can just throw his body in the trunk of a car and collectthe Kanagawas’ bounty on his sorry corpse. And all the while, Cassie is busyrunning in the opposite direction, making her way into the safety of the sewers.

It’s not a bad way to go, all things considered. A little bitsymmetrical, even: he spent most of his childhood trying to get away from hismom; it’s only fitting that his last act is helping another dame escape fromher stepmom and her army of cameras. He can live with that.

And even if he couldn’t, it’s not like he’d have to live with itfor much longer, anyway. It’s getting hard to see straight. His foot snags on acrack in the concrete, and he sprawls across dirty pavement. He tries to pushhimself upright, but he can’t catch his breath.

A car slides to a halt ahead of him, blocking the mouth of thealley. The realization makes Juno feel a little stupid. Of course they wouldn’tjust be chasing him on foot. Of course somebody would have gone ahead to cutoff his escape.

Someone gets out of the car and kneels beside him. “Oh, Juno.What have you gotten yourself into now?”

It’s not an unpleasant voice. Not unfamiliar, either.

“Juno, I need you to get up. Please.”

Juno can barely breathe, but a name still slips out among hisfrantic coughing: “Rose?”

It’s not Rose, though. It’s Rex Glass, or Christopher Morales,or any of a dozen other aliases that he’s scattered across the city.

Another voice, higher and more grating: “Oh my gawsh—he’s notdead, is he?”

“Stay in the car,” Rose calls. “And get out of sight. Someone’scoming.”

The car slides out of the mouth of the alley, and Rose rises tohis feet. “Hold on, Juno. It’ll be over soon.”

Juno drags himself onto his hands and knees. If Rose is going tokill him, then he can look Juno in the eyes when he does it.

But Rose is gone. Juno is alone in the alley, still bleedingfrom the wound in his chest. There’s only two more shots left on hislaser—three, if he reduces their power to stun. And there are seven gangstersrushing down the alley toward him. They slow down, out of breath from thechase. There’s no point in running anymore when they’ve got him cornered.

Juno is going to die here. He already knows that. But at leasthe won’t go down without a fight.

“I told you I got ‘im,” one of the gangsters says to the others.

“Don’t be an idiot. I was the one who hit him,” snaps another,and a third adds his two cents. While they argue, none of them notice a shadowdetaching itself from the wall behind them. It moves against the dark alley sosmoothly that Juno might have thought he imagined it. At least, until a plasmablade slices through three necks in a single swipe. The bodies don’t even hitthe floor before Rose slashes through a fourth. But by now the others havewised up to the attack. They round on him, lasers drawn—

And conveniently forget that Juno has his laser, too.

Three shots, and they’re down. Maybe not dead, but they won’t begetting up any time soon.

“Thank you for that, Juno.” Rose steps over their bodies.

Juno falls back. The alley is swimming. The only thing he cansee clearly is Rose’s face as it gets closer. “Here for the bounty?”

“Of course not.” He’s coming closer. Almost angelic, that face.“I’m here to help you. You need medical attention.”

Juno’s smile turns grim. “Think I haven’t heard? I’m worthdouble alive.” Maybe more than that, since he helped Cassie escape.

God, he hopes she makes it out.

Rose says something, but Juno can’t understand. Everything soundgarbled and far away.

The last thing he sees areRose’s impossibly bright eyes.

Cassandra Kanagawa has been kidnapped.

That’s how her family is spinning it, anyway—never mind thatshe’s gone on strike four times in the past year, and her streams have beenforcibly interrupted by ‘technical difficulties’ countless times during herrants about her need to escape from her stepmother’s clutches. A mistreated starletfinally escaping the grasp of her manipulative family? That’s the kind of storythat would make people turn off the Kanagawa streams and feeds purely out ofsolidarity.

A kidnapping, though—that’s got people glued to their screens,frantically refreshing in case there’s another update. Especially because thekidnapper has already been identified: the Hellhound of Hyperion City.

Oh, yes, they couldcall it what it really is: one of their employees who got off his leash andstarted going after the kinds of people that the HCPD wouldn’t dare to touch.The enemy of mobsters and kingpins everywhere. But that risks making him looklike a scrappy underdog, and then people might even start rooting for him— imitating him, even— and they can’t havethat. So they paint him as the big bad boogeyman, instead.

That doesn’t keep him from accumulating fans, though. There aredozens of streams tracking his movements and identifying his most recentvictims. There’s even an amateur stream—Houndwatch—dedicatedto uncovering every tiny nugget of information about him. Fortunately for Juno,the bits of truth are indistinguishable from the mountain of misinformation.Rita has supplied quite a bit of the latter herself, borrowed mostly from a fewdozen of her favorite shows. Meanwhile she and Peter sit on files full oflegitimate information.

Juno’s blood type, for example, which Peter found in the policerecords from when Juno was a cop. Those come in handy when he sends Rita out tobuy enough for a transfusion from a local blood bank, along with fresh clothesand several rounds of the most potent antibiotics she can get her hands on.

Meanwhile Peter has to deal with the more hands-on tasks.

“Really, Juno. The sewer? What were you thinking?” Peter sighsas he strips off Juno’s clothes. He goes through the pockets, just in casethere’s anything important, and then stuffs them in a trash bag to be burntlater. There’s no saving any of them.

It’s Peter who has to deal with those tasks, of course. Ritagets squeamish enough about his visits to Valles Vicky’s; there’s no way shewould be able to handle undressing and bathing Juno, even for the most practicalof reasons. Which isn’t to say Peter isn’t bothered by any of this: he may haveseen Juno in a few dozen compromising positions, but he wishes he didn’t haveto see him this way. The laser burn on Juno’s chest is ugly and raw. He’scovered in dozens of smaller cuts and scrapes all over his body. Several ofthem show signs of infection.

It’s a miracle he’s lasted this long.

Peter washes the wounds first, disinfecting them as best he can.The sealant bandages aren’t hospital grade, but they’ll have to do. By the timeRita arrives, Juno is clean and smells like soap and ointment, rather than rawsewage. He’s laid across Peter’s bed, covered with blanket.

Even with Rita’s training,it takes a few tries to properly stick the vein and administer the IV drip.Juno starts to stir a few times during the procedure, but thankfully he doesn’twake. Rita heads home afterward; she has a shift at the HCPD in the morning,and rumors of the Hellhound’s death to spread.

When Juno wakes, he’s pretty sure he’s still dreaming.

He knows this bed. These walls. Those blackout curtains over thewindows. He knows the smell on the pillow—good shampoo and moisturizer mixed inwith exotic fragrances from distant planets.

It’s not a bad dream. Might be better if he wasn’t so tired,though.

And if he wasn’t alone.

He tries to sit up, but feels an uncomfortable tugging in hisarm. There’s a needle sticking out of him. And a tube. And an IV drip.

Maybe it’s not such a nice dream after all.

“What the hell?” he rips off the tape holding the tube againsthis skin. Before he can pull the rest of it out, the bedroom door swings open.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather you didn’t take thatout.” And there he is: Rex Glass or Duke Rose or whatever the hell he’s callinghimself today, striding through the door to the bedside.

This isn’t a dream at all, is it?

“What the hell is going on here?” Juno demands. He wants tothrow the blankets off and leap to his feet, but he can’t muster the energy.God, he’s so tired.

“You’re recovering, hopefully,” the detective says. “You lostquite a bit of blood yesterday. How are you feeling?”

“Like I took a goddamn laser to the chest. What do you think?”

“Fair enough.” The detective takes a medical kit out from underthe bed and cuts off a strip of tape. “May I?”

“Oh, now you’re askingmy permission?”

“I would have asked before, Juno, but I’m afraid you wereunconscious.”

Juno wants to deny him, just out of spite. But even his slightmovements are making the needle wiggle uncomfortably under his skin. Thesensation itself isn’t nearly as terrible as the knowledge that it’s in there. “Fine,hurry up and do what you’re gonna do already. Just get it over with.”

The detective bends over his arm and tapes the tube back inplace, stilling the erratic little movements, seemingly unbothered by any ofthis, and it’s absolutely infuriating.

“You knew exactly where Iwas going to be,” Juno says. “How long have you been stalking me?”

The detective tutsgood-naturedly. “Please, Juno. Tailing.I’m a professional.” 

“So this is part ofanother job?”

“…Alright, perhapsstalking is the more appropriateword.” At least he has the decency to sound embarrassed. “You’vemade quite a name for yourself, you know. TheHellhound of Hyperion City. It’s got quite a ring to it.”

“I bet it looks great on the wanted posters,” Juno saysbitterly. “So who hired you this time? The Kanagawas? The police? Don’t tell meRita can afford to pay your rates twice. Last time I checked, she doesn’t makethat kind of money.”

The detective sits on the bedside, leaning in. The expression onhis face is earnest and sincere. “Nobody’s hired me, Juno.”

He looked pretty damn sincere last time Juno was in this bed,too. That didn’t exactly turn out well for him.

“Would you knock it off already?” Juno snaps. His knees rise,forming one more barrier between the detective and himself. The short movementmakes his chest wound throb. “I’m too damn tired for this garbage, so how aboutwe skip the song and dance already. Just tell me what you’re being paid to doto me this time so I can get on with my life.”

Goddammit, does the detective really need to look at him likethat? All hurt and sorry? Juno knows he’s a good actor, but damn. “I’m not being paid to doanything, Juno. I promise you, this isn’t a job. I—“

“I said quit it!” He scoots back until his back hits theheadboard and the IV tube tugs at his arm. If he wants to get any further, he’llhave to rip out the needle. He’ll also have to go in the nude, apparently—he’snot wearing any clothes under this blanket.

“I owe you, Juno,” the detective says. “If you don’t believeanything else, believe that.” He rises from the bed and takes a few steps back,giving Juno a little bit of room to breathe. “You could have turned me over to theKanagawas at any point. It might even have saved your position among theirranks—I imagine after a hit like that, they likely couldn’t afford to losesomeone with your skills. But you didn’t, and that’s very likely why I’m stillalive. By my measure, that puts me rather deep in your debt.”

“Bullshit,” Juno mutters, but the retort has lost its teeth. Settlinga debt is something Juno understands. It’s business. It’s fair. It doesn’t hurtas much as the thought of the detective actually caring about him.

Besides, he’s exhausted.

“Shall I leave you to your rest, Juno?” the detective asksgently.

“What, you’re not gonna cuff me to the bed or something?” Junochallenges.

“Only if you ask nicely.” It’s meant to be a light bit of humor,but the joke leaves a bittersweet taste in Juno’s mouth. The detective’s too,by the look of it. “No. If you want to leave, I won’t stop you. But I do advisethat you wait until you finish this round of antibiotics. You’ve been fightingoff quite an infection. It may get worse if you stop treating it prematurely.”

The detective’s note should make Juno suspicious, but thethought of paying attention to one more thing saps the last of his energy. Rightnow, all he can think about is how the room is so cold, the blankets are sowarm, and the pillow smells so very nice. He just wants to sleep, dammit.

“Fine,” he mutters, curling up against the headboard, his backto the detective. It’s the gesture of a cranky child trying to dodge a nap. “I’llstay. For now.”

“That’s all I ask.” The detective retreats through the opendoor. “Sleep well, Juno.”

[shobogan]

Fic: Equinox

Pairing: Cass/Brenda, Cass & Steph friendship. Guest appearances by Leslie, Bruce and Tim. Word Count: 3157 Warnings: Hospital scenes, though not very detailed. Summary: For @renaroo​‘s prompt of Steph meeting Cass’s girlfriend! Clearly this means I needed to make a divergent AU where Steph survives War Games and Infinite Crisis doesn’t happen. 

Archive of Our Own

It takes a long time for Stephanie to recover.

In the first week, Cassandra visits quietly, silently, slinking through the windows in the dimming light. But one day, as she sits beside her best friend, Dr. Thompkins flicks on a light.

Cass freezes, flooded with shame and uncertainty; Leslie didn't want her here, before. She wasn't good enough to stop people from dying.

But the doctor's gaze is gentle – even if she studiously avoids the Bat on Cassandra's chest.

“You don't need to sneak around.” She must see the doubt even, beneath the kevlar; she can't read people like Cass does, but years of practice means she's better than most. Her shoulders hunch a little – the same way Bruce's does, when he feels guilty. “None of this is your fault.”

Cass can't hold her gaze, so certain and kind; instead, she looks back down at Steph. She’s covered, mostly, but her face is pale and bruised. “Tried...to find her.”

“You couldn't have known. Even he didn't.” Leslie's voice is lower now, angry – but when Cass looks up again, she sees desperate, mournful love.

“Batman – Bruce – didn't want...this.”

Leslie sighs, raking a hand through limp, mussed hair. (Her clothes are rumpled, and the circles under her eyes are deeper than usual.) “He never does. But here we are.”

Something twists in Cass's chest. There's a heated need to defend him, but when she looks at Steph again - “She just wanted...to be a hero.”

After a moment's hesitation, Leslie steps forward and rests a hand on Cass's shoulder. “She'll recover. You can be here with her as often as you'd like.”

When Batman tells her to go to Bludhaven, she says no.

He tells her that it's not a punishment, not a way to push her away, that she deserves her own city. He doesn't say that he loves her, that he's proud of her, but she can see it anyway. It doesn't matter, not in this moment.

“This – is my city.” She pulls back her cowl. It feels strangely heavy against her neck. “I have...friends. Here.”

His shoulders hunch, a little.

“You can still visit Stephanie. I'll make any arrangements you need.”

She looks away, out at the the city. The jagged skyline that's become her home. The reason her best friend is barely conscious. 

“Robin needs you, too.”

She doesn't mean to pout, as she looks back at him. “That's...cheating.”

“Yes,” He smiles, grim and weary. He doesn’t say that he's worried about Tim, or that he wants them away from a city that’s turned against them, a city that he failed.

She takes his hand, and tells him goodbye.

They become Bludhaven's Dynamic Duo.

They don't actually fight side by side very much; when one of them is in Gotham, sitting at Stephanie's bedside, the other is in Bludhaven. Patrolling, or investigating, or just getting to know the city. One of the highlights for Cassandra is Brenda Miller and her tea shop.

She's never been able to relax with people who weren't like her, who didn't spend their nights prowling and fighting and protecting. But Brenda's easy affection and quiet concern always make her feel lighter,  and their morning chats grow more and more intimate. 

The only problem is, she feels a bit guilty.

The first time they laugh together, it catches in her throat; she takes a sip of tea to hide it, but Brenda sees. (She sees a lot, just like Leslie, even if she doesn't always understand.)

“Cass?”

She wants to say it's nothing, it's fine, but Brenda looks so worried, and she's wondering what she did wrong.

“It's not – you. Promise.” She frowns, trying to grasp the right words. “I was...alone. For a long time. Not much – laughter.” Brenda is nodding, accepting; knows enough about Cain to put some of the pieces together. (She knows what it is, to be on your own, to fight tooth and nail to forge a place for yourself.)

“Then I found Gotham. Found – family. And a friend.”

Brenda's eyes widen, a little. “Your first one?”

“Yeah.” She has to take a moment, filling the space with a few bites of blueberry muffin. “She's – she got hurt. Bad. In the gang war.”

The horror is clear and immediate; the coverage went far and wide, and nothing hid how brutal it all was. “God, Cass, I'm so sorry.” The words aren't hollow; she's never met Stephanie, and she's only known Cassandra for a few weeks, but her heart is bleeding for them.

It makes Cass smile a little, through it all. “She's – awake now, sometimes. But she's...fuzzy. Can't talk much. Can't laugh.”

Understanding dawns, and after a moment's hesitation Brenda reaches out to rest a hand on Cassandra's. “I think she'd want you to laugh.” Her lips quirk in a sheepish, hopeful smile. “I mean, you wouldn't want to be rusty, by the time she's okay.”

Cass blinks hard a few times, before smiling back. “True.”

It's easier, after that, to embrace her emotions – the fluttering in her chest when Brenda grins at her, the warmth in her cheeks when she give her a compliment. It's like flying with Kon through castles of clouds, without ever leaving the ground.

One day, when she enters the shop, Brenda is nervous. It's strange; there's so much steel behind her smile, hard-won pride and confidence that she can wield like a weapon if she has to. Cass has never seen her like this. She barely says a word before handing Cass her tea, and a towering stack of pancakes she'll undercharge for.

Brenda tucks strands of rose-red hair behind her ear, gnawing at her lip. “So – that party, a while ago, it got cut short. And I've got these tickets to a concert – they're a local band, nothing huge, but there's gonna be a mosh pit and food and - “

Cass never thought she could grin quite this widely. It makes her cheeks ache.

“Yes.”

Tim notices, of course. He doesn't see people like she does, but his gaze catches everything, and the wheels in his mind never stop turning. One night when they're actually together, kneeling on a rooftop and missing Gotham's gargoyles, he says “So that's a nice tea shop, huh?”

Cass shoots him a flat look. “Ask...what you want to.”

Tim smiles back, a bit sheepishly. He looks so young, when he does that. “You go there every day, almost. And you're always smiling when you leave. And you've been...you've got a spring in your step.”

She's never blushed quite like this, beneath the mask. She's pretty sure Tim can see it, somehow.

“I just, you know. I want to say...good for you.” He means it, but there's a catch in his voice, in the way his shoulders tense. He's worried about something. “But it's hard. Caring about someone who doesn't know the whole you.”

Cass nods, slowly; Brenda tells her that it doesn't matter what she does, but it still feels like a barrier between them.

Tim smile again, and he looks older this time. “Just – be careful. For both of you.”

They're making progress in Bludhaven – tracking down the corruption, helping people feel safe – but Gotham is just as dangerous for vigilantes. The tension is palpable every time she goes back, whether she's wearing a Bat or not. It's stifling, and frustrating, and it only sharpens her guilt.

But it's always worth it, when she sees Stephanie awake.

She's still so weak, and  her face is pale and bruised, she's hooked up to all kinds of machines. But she always smiles when Cassandra slips inside. “Heya, Batghoul.” (It's funny because Cass is dressed in jeans and a hoodie.) “What's shaking?” Her voice is light, if hoarse. She always tries to be cheerful.

She must know that Cass can see everything seething and aching underneath, but she tries anyway.

Cass shrugs as she smiles back, settling into her usual chair. (Leslie has tied cushions on it, and she keeps mugs of tea and an array of snacks in Stephanie's room.) “Crime.”

Steph rolls her eyes, which makes her grimace for a second before saying, “You need more hobbies, girl.” Her eyes go wide when Cass flushes, and a mischievous grin lights her face. “Okay, dish.”

The flush deepens, of course. She doesn't say a word.

“Don't make me cross my arms, it hurts.”

That gets a pout. “Not fair.”

Stephanie's expression is utterly shameless. (For once.) Cass sighs.

“I, um. Met someone.”

“In Bludhaven?” Steph is teasing, but there's real concern and skepticism, and Cass can't help but bristle. Her words are quicker than usual, stumbling against each other.

“It – can be good. . And she's...kind, and gentle, and she makes tea, and - “

The doubts have already faded; Steph's smile is warm and bright. “Okay, that's adorable.” Cass's shoulders ease again, until Steph continues. “So when do I get to meet her?”

She doesn't talk to Brenda about it, not for a week or so. The idea of tying her two lives together like that – her past and her future, her failures and her hopes – makes her stomach twist. The idea of exposing Brenda to all of it, without even knowing who they really are, is worse.

Then, one day, they're watching the news. It's about rebuilding Gotham, and prosecuting the surviving gang members, and the tension between vigilantes and the police.

Cass's shoulders hunch as they talk about blame, about arrogance and recklessness.

Brenda's arm cross as she glares at the screen. “That's not fair.”

“No?”

Brenda shakes her head, firm and sure. “No. I mean – yeah, they probably should have worked with the cops more. But they saved a lot of lives anyway. They shouldn't be fugitives just because they aren't perfect.”

She gestures out the window, as the sun sets. “Batgirl and Robin are out here busting their asses to help us now, just because they can. I've never felt this safe, and I know a ton of people who feel the same way.”

Cass just stares up at her for a few seconds. There's a swooping in her chest, and tears prick at the edge of her eyes. Brenda is about to ask what's wrong, and then -

“Do you...want to come to Gotham? With me?”

Her apartment looks exactly as she left it – Alfred's effort, no doubt – and the lonely, hollow regret she expected doesn't happen. Maybe it's because Brenda is right behind her when they step inside, and she gazes at the room with delighted curiosity.

“This place is amazing, Cass, how can you afford - “ She grimaces, as she stops herself. “Sorry.”

Cass shakes her head. “No, it's – fine. It's, um, a Wayne building.”

Brenda stills, peering at her. “You mean like the Wayne grant my shop got?”

“Um.” Brenda crosses her arms, which is quite a feat considering she's carrying two bags of luggage, and stares at her expectantly. “He's...like a dad.”

“But not your criminal dad.”

“No.”

“So it's like a fostering thing?”

“...Yes?”

Brenda stares at her a second longer, before shaking her head. “Okay.” She's confused, and a little concerned, but she's willing to shove it aside. She always is.

“Can we talk about it...over lunch?”

It's a small diner, run by a local family; it's one of the few places that survived the quake, more by chance than anything. In the early days, before the supplies ran out, they would serve food to anyone who came by. Some people tried to take it, of course, take everything; it was the first time she stood and fought to protect something in Gotham. Before Oracle, before Batgirl.

The hostess – Hannah, a plump woman with a mass of dark curls, a slightly crooked nose and a wide, kind smile – strides forward and clasps her hands. “Cassandra! We haven't seen you in ages.”

Cass smiles back, a bit bashful. “I've been – in Bludhaven. But - “ She gestures at Brenda, who's been watching with keen interest. “Wanted to show my friend...my favourite spot.”

Hannah turns her grin on Brenda, though she's very clearly looking her up and down. Cass can feel her cheeks flushing as Hannah finally nods, turning around and grabbing a menu. (Just the one; she's always let Cass describe what she wants.)

“Come along, dears, I've got a lovely spot near the window.”

Once they've settled in and ordered some milk shakes, Brenda

“She sure likes you.”

“I, um, helped out, once. When the earthquake hit.”

Brenda's eyes go wide, just like they did when she learned about Steph; the Cataclysm took far more lives than the gang war did. “You were here for that?”

“Yeah. Just got here, when it happened.”

“Damn. Talk about bad timing.”

Cass shakes her head. “People...needed help. And I was here.”

Brenda is staring at her with a stunned admiration that makes her want to cry. Time to change the subject. “That's, um, how I met Bruce.”

“Bruce Wayne.” Her brow furrows. “I remember – he tried to stop that whole No Man's Land thing, right? But it didn't work.”

Cass nods. “Didn't – stop helping people, though. None of them did.”

“Them?”

“His – family. Friends. I...”

She's never mentioned Barbara. (Stephanie told her that Black Canary stops in sometimes. To see how she's doing, but also to ask about Cass. Sometimes she thinks about passing a message along, some kind of peace offering.) “I had – she met me, first. Named me. But...”

Brenda's brow crinkles, and Cass can see the recognition of familiar pain. “You fought?” When she gets a nod in return, “My dad and I...we argued a lot. I acted out after Mom died, and he was just...kind of hollow, you know? Depressed. We ran up a lot of debt between us, so that was nice and stressful.”

There's old pain in the way her hands clutch the table, but steady sureness in the set of her shoulders. “But we worked it out, before he died. There's a lot more I wish we could have said, could have done, but...” She shrugs. “I can think back and say he knew that I loved him, you know? Him and that damn coffee shop.”

Cass blinks hard a few times, as she smiles. “I – like that shop, too.”

Brenda grins back at her, ruefully proud. “Yeah, I noticed.”

They're in Gotham for a few days before visiting Steph. They talk about Bruce and Barbara and Alfred, about tea and dancing, about campy horror movies and frustrating politics. Never about what Cass really does, who she really is.

 Brenda sleeps in the spare bedroom, and Cass pauses by the open door each night, wondering if she should invite her into her own. But she's never done that before, and while she can see Brenda's attraction neither of them has attempted a kiss, and what if they try and she does something wrong, what if she loses her first friend since -

“You're gonna gnaw your lip off.” Brenda's voice is warmly teasing as she steps out onto the balcony. (It's the only apartment that has one; Cass wonders if Bruce had it built for her specifically, and how long ago it must have been.) “Are you that nervous about me meeting Stephanie?”

Cass turns from the waning sunlight with a sheepish smile and a faint blush. “No, it's – something else. Not important. You're ready?” Brenda stares at her just long enough to make her skepticism clear before nodding.

It's dark by the time they reach Crime Alley. Brenda notices the shift in Cass's posture, the closing of space between them, but she doesn't say anything.

Leslie is deeply, quietly pleased to see them, and immediately ushers them towards Steph's room. (There aren't usually permanent rooms in the clinic, but Leslie set this one aside and Bruce paid for all the equipment and comfort Steph would need.) “She's been conserving her energy all week, you know.”

Then they're stepping inside. Steph immediately puts down the comic she's reading, grin broad and eyes twinkling; she almost looks like herself.

“Cass is right, you're totally cute.”

“Stephanie!” Her voice squeaks, and she must be beet red. Then she hears Brenda's delighted chuckle.

“I've been waiting ages for her to tell me that.”

Steph carefully shakes her head, tsking to herself. “She's ridiculous. Almost as much as her dad.”

“You know him, too? God, Bruce Wayne.”

Brenda walks closer; Cass notices she doesn't stiffen, that she steps around the cords easily. Maybe her father was in a room like this, before he died. Still, she hesitates by the chairs until Cass follows and sits beside her.

“You get used to it.” The words are wry. Stephanie didn't know his name until she woke up in this bed. But there's no bitterness in the set of her mouth, not any more. Cass wonders how often he's visited.

“But sometimes you remember he could buy your house with pocket change.”

Brenda's smirk is sharply sympathetic. “I bet he could buy my whole building. Heck, my whole neighbourhood.”

Steph shift – carefully – and taps her chin. “He might already own my neighbourhood.”

“At least your billionaires are better than ours.”

“Yeah, Bludhaven drew the short straw, huh? But we do get more supervillains.”

Brenda raises a hand, rocking it back and forth. “We've gotten more since Nightwing showed up. Not that it was <i>his</i> fault.” Her expression turns wistful. “A lot of us wonder where he is, you know? I hope he's okay.”

Cass looks away, hands curling in her lap. Steph glances at the door, and her voice lowers. “Cass, you look like a kicked puppy. If you want to say something you should.”

As she looks up, “Tim?”

Stephanie smiles, warm and weary. “He doesn't keep secrets from me. Not anymore.”

“Um?” They both look to Brenda, who looked bewildered. “Did I say something wrong?”

Cass and Steph shake heads in tandem. Then Cass turns in her chair, reaching a tentative hand towards Brenda; after a moment, she takes it. “Cass...?”

“I – Nightwing is...okay. Just – needed time. I know, because...” Wither her free hand, she fishes in her pocket, and draws out a batarang.

Brenda stares at it for a moment, flooded with confusion and shock and relief. Then she looks up at Cass like she's seeing her for the first time. Seeing all of her, finally. “That explains a lot.”

Cass doesn't think; she just pulls Brenda close and kisses her. She barely hears Steph cheering from the bed.

When they part, noses brushing, Brenda murmurs something that makes her heart soar and plummet all at once, something she agrees to before Brenda's even finished.

“I think you should introduce me to Barbara next.”

[gorsime]

ill delete this soon

bad cop hogwarts au

@pouncival

points to cover: houses, prefect stuff, meetings, classes, Naughty Stuff, other cats, pets, life after hogwarts, quidditch >:((, HYDRATION, teachers, uhhhhh and anything else i can think of

HOUSES: rumples a gryffindor. the sorting hat took about three seconds. alonzos a hufflepuff even tho his family have always been ravenclaws and he desperately wanted to be a gryffindor, he cried after the sorting ceremony also: jenny is huffpuff head, skimble is p much hagrid, jelly is raven, gus is gryffdor and grizabella is slytherin,,, headmaster deuteronomy lmao

PREFECT STUFF: alonzos a prefect. Obviously, i mean come on. he takes it so seriously,,, hes already dating rumple when he becomes one and she delights in the fact that he can sometimes b persuaded to let her go with a warning bc yo thats what u get for fucking a prefect,,, once she wanted to get in ravenclaw tower and she didnt know the answer to the riddle so she was like "LONZYYY I HAVE A RIDDLE THAT I NEED TO FIND THE ANSWER TO FOR HOMEWORRKKKKK" and hes a library fiend so he spent like an hour looking it up and then he told her and she was like "ok thanks im going off 2 ravenclaw tower now" and he was so distraught he took ten points from hufflepuff for helping her. the other prefects Donut Understand their relationship ghdkhgd bc mungo and rumple r worse than fred and george but eventually it gets to the point where they catch her doin some rulebreaking and shes like... do u seriously feel like dealing with me so they just go get alonzo. she gets drunk on firewhisky one time and he takes her back up to gryffindor tower and spends ten minutes trying to get the fat lady to let her in but the fat lady is annoyed and refusing and it goes like "rumple tell her the password" "nooOooOoOooOo" "do you know the password" ">:3c" "rumple teLL HER THE PASSWORD" for another half hour and eventually gives up and decides to wait for the next gryffindors to come along and let her in but the next one to come along is mungo and then its twice as bad when alonzo becomes head boy (munk is the year above them) he cries, and rumple opens her letter like I GOT HEAD GIRL??!!!!????? and hes like. What. and shes like hehehehehe just kidding who the fuck do u think i am,, also. prefects bathroom. he ends up letting her find out the password and then shes constantly in there and then Somehow (i wonder how) mungo finds out and then they have to change it before the whole school knows,,, oh my god the other prefects tease him so much and at first hes like eh..heh...yeah but after a while hes like fuck off please, stop shittalking my girlfriend to me, and he gets a wee bit defensive about it so they give up especially in their final year when hes head boyyyy

QUIDDITCH: OKAY so alonzo wanted to play quidditch as a seeker bc ofc he did right?? i mean theres so many rules. such nice uniforms. but he never made the tryouts bc he wasnt willing to take the risks needed to get the golden thingy (also, vitiligo, hes got autoimmune shit and he has 2 b careful w his health),,, rumple however. rumples grown up loving the harpies and desperately wanting to be a beater. then she meets mungo and the two of them are fucking terrifying beaters, they are So Good, its honestly the only reason why gryffindor hasnt lost the house cup every fucking year, them helping win p much every game kind of balances out all the points they lose for being shits lmao,,, we had a thought that she gets hurt sometime in a game, and alonzo is. so terribly smothering he brings in all his books to study by her bed in the hospital wing and takes notes for her and is way too cautious after that and begs her to stop playing and she just. Looks at him. :| anyway she does eventually become quidditch captain nyehehe and so shes captain, hes head boy, they are a glorious power couple,,, the nerds love alonzo, the delinquents and sportheads love rumple, together they are So Respected,, it also means she gets actual access to the prefects bathroom which changes very little except for how sneaky she has to be to get in

MEETINGS: okay so in true hogwarts au fashion they first meet on the train as first years,,, rumple: hi can i sit here (she says as shes sat down) are u muggleborn im a halfblood alonzo: im from an old wzarding family my name is draco malfuck you rumple: wow u sound like an asshole. what house r u gonna be in. im gryffindor alonzo: me too rumple: u dont seem like one alonzo: you do :// rude fuck. this is my owl her name is aegolius im pretentious rumple: cool name. this is my cat her name is gwynog GO HARPIES alonzo: ive never had physical contact with a living thing in my life can i pet her rumple: sure alonzo: soft anyway after they get sorted they never talk again. End Of Au. jks but forreal they dont talk for years until they get their electives and theyre partnered in care of magical creatures and finally talk again and it goes like rumple: hey youre that kid who cried at the sorting ceremony alonzo: rumple: sup somehow the whole Falling In Love part is the one bit we havent really talked about but it happens and its cute

id also like to add that alonzos parents are an old italian wizarding family but they pride themselves on being chic, modern wizards who incorporate certain muggle things, mostly fashion, his mums a fashion designer, so all his clothes are beautiful and tailored and more Modern than most,, ANYWAY they also Want The Best for him and when he tells them who hes dating (A HALFBLOOD RAISED AMONG MUGGLES??? A GIRL BEATER???? LOOK AT HER SCHOOL RECORDS DARLING SHES A DELINQUENT!!!!!!) and they refuse to let him stay at her house or let her come over,,, until he writes home one day like. shes captain of the quidditch team what more do u want shes going to do it professionally) and theyre Sporty Folks who are So Fucking Into Quidditch and by this point theyve realised that she's not turning him into a Bad Kid so they finally accept her

CLASSES: ive forgotten like all of their classes kmn anyway alonzo wants to be an auror. thats all he wants. thats his ambition. so he studies his ass off from day one and gets perfect grades and is a model student. rumple is. perhaps not. just think fred and george thats her and mungo, shes a terror but somehow she still manages to pass everything through an annoying natural talent. alonzos kind of hellbent on making her get good grades and they spend much of their time in the library, hes in there Every Day, he pretty much has a reserved table, rumple sits around practicing jinxes on any unfortunate passerbys and trying to pester him and/or make him kiss her he loves presentations, hes so good at them, he prepares for weeks and then the entire time rumples in the back of class making Naughty Gestures. he chokes on his water when she does presentations theyre short but shes really charismatic so he just kind of sits there staring at her like an idiot because gosh she has a nice voice rumples a pro at brooms obviously, alonzos Hella Nervous on them, he has the best and safest model, she offers to give him private lessons but really its just an opportunity for dick jokes what can u do. he gets her a really good really SAFE and fast broom for christmas one year bc what else does a rich boy get his girlfriend who kicks ass at quidditch which brings me to

NAUGHTY STUFF: kittens look away! look for like. a full three months hes like Im Not Having Sex At School Its Against the rRULES!!!!!! and rumples like. well then we either abstain until we graduate or we can do it at your parents place and. No. The Horror. he changes his mind very quickly. they happen to stumble across the room of requirement a few times when.uh. the need is great. u know how it goes. im also gonna go out on a limb and admit that alonzo is rather fond of the Luxury Baths in the prefects bathroom and rumple is very good at catching him when hes in there and enchanting the door or some shit so nobody disturbs them :-)) this is from one of those hogwarts au headcanon posts but i love it, he gives a presentation on sex ed and shit (lets pretend hogwarts is better than it is) and rumple sits in the back asking the worst questions and inside he wants to scream u KNOW what that is we did it last nIGHT

other cats: yes ok here we go. in their year is misto, victoria, admetus, mungo, coricopat, tantomile and im sure im missing people here, year above them  is munk, tugger, deme, bomba, cassandra, macavity (???!!!???) and everyone else is younger by a year or two, also worth mentioning is etcetera being rumples younger sister and theyre adorable and lovely etcetera for president of the world munk and cass or deme are probably head boy and girl of their year,  cass is dating tantomile, bombas dating demeter, alonzo has the biggest crush on munk as well (optional polyamory for u fucks) (worth saying that the reason rumple went to sneak into ravenclaw tower was to see victoria btw),,, alonzo and victoria are head boy and girl of their year, and probably jemima andddddddd idk maybe g eorge fuck me man idk admetus is another prefect, so's tantomile tbh,,, id say victoria but she wants to focus on her studies

PETS: alonzo has this beautiful eagle owl, scariest of all owls, her name is aegoleius (pronounced ay-JEE-lee-us) it means bird of prey and he adores her. shes beautifully trained. rumple has a kitty that im personally in love with who is basically rumpleteazer as a cat lol shes a calico but her name is gwenog after the famous beater of the harpies <33333 eventually they'll get another cat thatll be a suspiciously familiar black and white patched triangle shorthair named Faolan (sorta like FWAY-larn) even tho it means little wolf because he thought it sounded cool and he read it in a book and thought it was pronouned faow-lahn, honestly they probably end up getting a whole ton of cats

LIFE AFTER HOGWARTS: WOO im excited for this bit. okay. so. alonzo wants to be an auror. hes spent his whole life training for this. he immediately applies after graduation and gets in and starts his rigorous three year training process. in the meantime rumples gone into professional quidditch, and shes really really good at it but shes like.... this isnt fun anymore. bc its not just a school game anymore, its a professional sport, and what do u mean u cant jinx the opponents!!!! so for a while she just helps him train "ok so if you walk like THIS and use this charm your footsteps will be totally silent blah blah boh my god i should be an auror" and hes like. You. want to be an auror. and shes like. Yup. and its a damn good thing he was so obsessive about her getting good marks bc her newts are good enough that she can apply. they do a criminal record check, but mind u that altho rumples done naughty stuff, shes never actually. Been Caught doing anything particularly bad. so her record is somehoW CLEAN and she gets in. its a miracle. "what did you do. who did you blackmail" "i sucked every single aurors dick lonzy" "HOW DID YOU GET IN" "EVERY! SINGLE! DICK!" but hes also really really prouD AND THAT MEANS THEY CAN HELP EACH OTHER TRAIN!!!!! cue training montage. rumple pulls a tonks and coasts thru a lot of it rlly easily and almost fails some but they both eventually graduate and become aurors and work together and she covers her trenchcoat in patches and he keeps asking if he has to wear his because sweet jesus it is ugly ITS BROWN, and at this point his parents r more than content with rumple lmao, anyway they live together in a lovely little house that is kept in perfect order, rumple enchants EVERYTHING to talk, its cute, fucking domestic shit yes please

HYDRATION LOL look this isnt even important but alonzo is so deeply into that health shit. he only eats dark chocolate, and most importantly he fucking loves spending time in the kitchen with jenny. she cooks, he makes custom face masks, and also infused water. so much infused water. he has different """recipes""" and he always has a bottle of lovely chilled water with fucking apple and ginger and lemongrass shit in it that he made the night before, and since rumple fucking hates drinking anything thats not tropical sunshine punch fruit juice he constantly is trying to figure out a recipe of infused water that she'll drink becUSE ITS NOT HEALTHY RUMPLE!!!!!!!! YOU NEED WATER, but she thinks its disgusting and eventually he gives up and carries a bottle of juice with him in case he sees her because its better than nothing,

yeah ok im,,,,, i assume there will be more to come but for now this is what u get

[madamedeher]

When You Hear the Sirens Coming

I did it. Another DA fic. This time Dorian with my inky Julian! This fic is modern au where Julian is a detective and Dorian is a lawyer. Enjoy chapter 1! Also for those who prefer, link to ao3 here

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From the other side of the shop, Bull turns to Julian and throws a look approaching annoyance.

“Do you like them?”

Cole’s voice rings soft and clear as it always does. In his spindly hands is a large box of donuts, two of which are long gone from the box and stuffed unceremoniously into Julian’s eager mouth. They’re maple bacon flavoured which is his all time favorite, of course. Finding the young man’s bakery was the detective’s best and worst decision according to the ever expanding waistbands.

“Obf courth I lige mem—”

Julian reaches for another before Bull finally steps in, pulling Julian’s arm out the shop and into Bull’s giant truck.

The truck, of which Julian has to wipe his fingers on his slacks so he doesn’t make the leather greasy, is almost comically large to account for his partner’s size. Julian stands at 193 centimeters yet the truck made him feel like he’s in a Barbie car.

“You know, man, the whole ‘cops love donuts’ thing isn’t helped when you pig out like that.”

Julian shoots him a glare before pointedly licking his fingers.

“Yet, here I am, loving Cole’s donuts. Besides, we’re detectives, not cops.”

Bull snorts something about a hole euphemism and drives to their next scene. Julian read about it briefly before they set out for the morning. A seemingly random man disappeared out of thin air, leaving a heavily pregnant wife behind him. Usually a case like this just means some scumbag guy couldn’t handle the pressure of settling down and skipped town, but the house had been trashed and looked like a bad robbery.

The house is deep into the suburbs, where all the houses look printed out and the lawns are all fake bright green grass. Personally, Julian hates going out here. The inner city of Denerim is real, hard, and fast. In the suburbs you saw the true dredges of society and Julian always left feeling more depressed than curious.

It took about 20 minutes to get to the home. It’s a sick yellow and has the same fake patch of grass front yard like every other house. If it wasn’t for the broken window and clear trail of blood leading from the door to the driveway, it would look like just another cog.

The inside of the house on the other hand is a trainwreck. Furniture is flipped, it smells so heavily of bleach it makes Julian’s eyes water, and pretty much every fragile object in sight is shattered to pieces. It looks damn more than a robbery, that’s for sure.

Bull ducks behind him to enter the house and sighs softly.

“That ain’t good.”

Julian shakes his head. No, it isn’t.

Snapping on gloves, Julian steps carefully around the home. Voices came from another room, presumably the dining room, and as Julian got closer he hears faint sobbing and the fake sweet voices of cops trying to console someone who is clearly hysterical.

Turning a corner, Julian is greeted by shattered dishes and several broken appliances. Sitting at the dining room table is a blonde woman with short hair sobbing into her arms. Cassandra and Blackwall stand on both sides of the woman, gently patting her and looking very awkward.

“We are very, very sorry for your loss Mrs. Cousland.”

“Fergus wouldn’t just leave! Someone to-o-ook him!” The woman, Mrs. Cousland? Punctuates most of her syllables with hearty sobs.

Blackwall is the first to see Julian and pleads with his eyes for the man to walk over and turn on the charm so they could walk away from the situation. Julian relents and puts on his most buttery voice. He needs information, and a sobbing victim made no use.

“Miss? My name is Julian Trevelyan,” he flashes a badge at her when she looks up with puffy eyes. It’s pretty obvious he is another worker bee around here, but flashing his badge always comforted scared civilians.

She sniffs loudly and nods curtly. “M-my name is Oriana, Oriana Cousland. Are you one of the, um, detectives they were talking about?”

Mrs. Cousland motions towards to the two officers behind her who are slowly drifting away from her and out the room.

“Yes, my partner, Bull, is looking around the house.”

Speak of the devil, Bull saunters in, ducking under undoubtedly one of many doorframes. Julian sits down while Bull stays standing. Chairs too small.

“Ma’am.” He tilts his head towards her and does his best to look as least-threatening as possible.

“We’d like to ask you a few questions, if that’s alright with you.” Julian pointedly ignores his partner’s arrival to keep her attention on him.

Mrs. Cousland sniffles and thinks, nodding after a moment.

“Yes, that’s fine.” she croaks, wiping her red nose on the sleeve of her dress.

Julian hears Bull pull out a notebook and click a pen.

“First of all, I’d like to know how you’re holding up, Mrs. Cousland.”

Mrs. Cousland waves her hand, “Please, call me Oriana. And terribly. Thank you for asking. It feels like everyone here doesn���t even see me. I’m just another person to interrogate, my husband, the father of my child is missing for Maker’s sake!”

Julian sighs. Knowing Cassandra and Blackwall, Oriana no doubt got the reaming of a lifetime.

“Okay, Oriana. I have no plans to interrogate you. I simply want to ask a few simple questions.”

The woman visibly relaxes. With a heavy sigh, she nods. Julian continues,

“So, to start off, I’d like to know about your morning. Tell me about your routine.”

“Well, Fergus wakes up before I do. He was gone before I woke, but, but that’s normal.” Her eyes gloss over and stare out a window as she speaks, “I get out of bed, take a shower, and have breakfast. An omelette. Then, hm, I watched television for a couple hours, then went to have brunch with my mother-in-law.”

Oriana’s nose begins to scrunch with unshed tears as she recalls the day’s events. Julian puts a sympathetic hand against her shoulder which seems to comfort her just slightly.

“And when you got home, you saw the house as it is?”

She nods, hot tears rolling down her blotchy cheeks.

“Yes, I came home to— to— to this.” she motions her hands wildly around them before she begins sobbing again.

“Right, I’m sorry. When you came home, what exactly did you see?”

“My home a mess! Everything absolutely disarray. I called Fergus, but he didn’t answer. I called his work, and they said he never showed.”

Bull can be heard scribbling on his tattered notebook. Julian simply raises his eyebrows.

“Hm. He left before you woke, but seemed to have stopped home while you were away and then..?”

“He disappeared! Fergus wouldn’t just up and leave, he wouldn’t.”

The edge of her voice causes Julian to backtrack. He honestly wasn’t trying to imply anything. Taking a breath, Julian collects his wandering thoughts and zones into Oriana.

“I believe you.” He lies, “I just want to get all the facts straight.”

“Right, right, I apologize.” Oriana dabs daintily at her nose, suddenly remembering she’s in front of people. “Yesterday, did everything seem normal? Fergus didn’t act out of the ordinary?”

“Oh, well…”

Julian looks back at Bull who’s giving him a hard look that says, ‘oh, here we go.’

Oriana frowns and looks down between her shoes. “We had a fight.” she says very quietly, as if she was a child caught in the candy.

“A fight? What kind of fight?” Unless this woman is a makeup wizard, there doesn’t seem to be any obvious signs of a physical fight.

“Over the baby. He… he wants us to move into his family’s estate. So he’ll have more room to learn and play.” She lovingly pats her swollen belly, continuing, “I didn’t want to. I like this area. It’s quiet, and saf-” she stops on the word safe. Obviously, it isn’t as safe as she thought. Julian is still having a hard time at the thought of a grown man getting kidnapped. Probably killed and dragged off to be dumped somewhere.

“Is there anything stolen from your home?”

“That’s the thing!” Oriana jumps at the subject switch. “Nothing was taken! Not one thing. I checked, the police checked, everything is here.”

Bull grunts behind him and the scribbling stops at the sound of the pen clicking.

“Interesting.” is all Julian can say without furthering the woman’s worry. “If you don’t mind, I’m going to take a look around.”

Oriana nods softly and turns away from them, lost in thought.

Once out of the room Julian finds himself back in the living room. Large smears of blood stain an off-white wall leading into the house’s hallway. Fingernails seem to have dragged across the floor in an effort to hold onto something as to not get dragged away. Huh. Julian figures it must be more than one person who dragged away Fergus Cousland. The force’s photographer, Dagna, bounded into the room with her large, expensive camera. She stops at the fingernail marks, steadies the camera, and Julian hears a stream of shutters.

“Hey, Jules.” Dagna doesn’t look away from her camera, adjusting and fidgeting with whatever is going on in there.

“Hey, D. Anything particularly gruesome you want me to take a special look at?”

Dagna chortles to herself but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Yeah, did you check the bedroom?”

Julian walks past her and pushes open the creaky door. He certainly wasn’t expecting what he saw.

The bed is absolutely covered in blood and gore. It’s clearly a king size and every inch is drenched in some sort of human. Oddly enough, the rest of the room is spotless. Julian takes a sample of whatever… parts were on the bed and goes to patrol the rest of the house.

The bathroom, second bedroom, and backyard are all clean. In fact, the they’re the only spots on the land that weren’t tainted in some way. It didn’t take long for Bull to finish up his business and Julian is back in the truck on their way to their headquarters.

Another thirty minutes and Julian manages to submit the evidence he collected and sits down at his desk. Bull skulks off to the break room of the office before Julian can discuss what they found. Bull was never a quiet man, but after every introduction to a case he goes to compartmentalize whatever it is he just absorbed. Julian, on the other hand, hates that, and is buzzing to bounce ideas off the first person who will listen to him.

He’s about to go search for the new temp, Krem, that Commander De Fer hired when a bustling at the front of the station draws Julian’s attention.

Loud voices and a haughty laugh follow. If Julian strains, he hears Cullen’s sputtering at some joke and Sera’s shrill laugh.

Suddenly, the group appears into the main office.

A finely dressed man swaggers into the room absolutely glowing. He has a nicely trimmed mustache that matched the perfectly swooped hair atop his head. He wore an immaculately fitted black suit and is followed by an equally perfectly groomed tall blonde woman. The pair didn’t fit into the office’s environment at all.

Sera, permanently stained by mystery substances is absolutely enraptured by whatever the blonde woman is telling her, while Cullen, stubbly and tired looking still seems to try to keep up with the beautiful strangers.

Cullen and Julian catch eyes and before he can stop himself, Julian is standing in front of the group.

“Julsie!” Sera bounds over to him and pulls his tie so he slouches closer to her level. He feels slightly guilty for being over a foot taller than her. “You’re gonna love these guys! They’re from Tevinter. And dirty.” She giggles that evil laugh she does and Julian’s drawn back to the strangers.

The first stranger holds out his hand to shake and smiles— well, no, smile would be the wrong word. It’s more of a shit-eating grin, even though Julian can’t tell what the man has done to earn that smile.

“Dorian Pavus, charmed, I’m sure.”

Julian isn’t charmed, but the man, Dorian, has a fantastically confident attitude that Julian loves to feed off in a group setting. He takes his hand and shakes once. Firm grip. Nice.

“Julian Trevelyan. But my friends call me Jules.”

Dorian grins genuinely this time, quirking his brow and snorting.

“Your name is Jules?”

“Yeah, something wrong?”

“Oh, no, it’s just such a frilly name and,” Dorian stops himself before he puts his foot in his mouth further. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, you’re just rather striking to have such a name, is all.”

Julian can’t help but bark a laugh. He already likes this guy.

“Is that a roundabout way of calling me handsome?”

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I don’t know, am I?”

They share a look before Cullen coughs and rolls his eyes.

“Oh, Maker. Don’t tell me you’re like Julian.”

Julian feigns a hurt expression and clutches his imaginary pearls.

“Whatever do you mean, dear Cullen?”

Cullen turns to leave muttering something about serial flirting under breath.

“What a chipper young man.” Dorian comments.

“What!? He can be a right twat!” Sera bounces around them and it takes Julian all he can to keep from snickering. He loved Cullen, he did, but he needed a break. Badly.

Behind them, the blonde woman makes herself known by clearing her throat.

“If you two are quite finished, my name is Maevaris Tilani.”

“Julian Trevelyan. Pleasure to meet you both.”

Julian shook her hand, too. He noted how dainty and pale her hands were. They reminded him very much of Cole.

“These two are lawyer leeches.” Sera made sure to really punch out the word leeches, causing Maevaris to roll her eyes and Dorian to act offended.

“I’d think you were nicer to fellow crime fighters?”

“Ha! Since when were lawyers righteous? Shove that up your arse.”

Dorian looked at Julian for some defense which Julian has a hard time coming up with.

“Well… I guess it depends on what kind of lawyer.”

“Maevaris is the defense attorney, not me.”

Maevaris glares at Dorian and pinches his earlobe. He yelps and clutches it tenderly.

“Still, I’m happy you two are around. Was wondering when we’d get some new blood around here.”

“Vaguely suspicious. What happened to the last ‘new blood’ that wandered around here?”

Julian smiled mischievously before looking out to the backlot of the office.

“Ran far, far away. Only the real ones stick around.”

Dorian immediately bristles at the challenge.

“Ha, I suppose I now have to stay for as long as I can out of spite.”

“Meh, probably wouldn’t be a bad thing. We need eye candy that isn’t Vivienne around here.”

“My my, you’re brave.”

Sera makes a gagging sound. “Can you two stop being gross n’ shite? You met 2 minutes ago. Don’t starting rutting, nasties.”

Maevaris tugs at Dorian’s arm to pull away at the conversation that apparently she’s also done with.

Julian loves new people.