#the characters were so...idk. watered down I feel. and even personal reasoning aside the pacing was atrocious

[capricioussun]

I don't like having hater moments on main but genuinely. I was pretty disappointed w/ transformers one. I feel like I could pick out almost every single joke in that movie and trace it beat for beat to that exact joke in an MCU movie

[friedoats]

Okay so i finished NAtLA

Im gonna be talking about what i think could have been done better, my few nit picks where i was ready to throw my tv out the window, the stuff that made me go what the hell, and the 2 things that i felt like they did really well/better than og, and shit that had me laughing

And before i go any further if i were to sum up everything wrong with this the main and biggest issue with this remake is that there is a common theme of them making shit up that a, completely disregards the og world building. B, give us no reason for the deviance. And c, just putting in cheap plot devices or shit that doesnt do anything for the story.

With that aside for what it was i liked it. it was okay, it definitely met my expectation of being average and mediocre.

Could have been better

Episode run time/plot set up had a choppy flow. So all the episodes average out to about 50 minutes and we got 8 episodes this season, they obviously would have to merge or cut episodes no matter what. The flow was especially weird with ep 3&4 the ones scened in omashu, where they combined like 3 episodes from the original and just-was not put together well and they definitely could have paced the story better. I honestly think-in my personal opinion-it would have been better if they had split the 7 hours down to 20-25 minutes each episode. that would have given us about 17 episode rather than the 8 40-50 minutes that each episode was, i think it would have helped their pacing

Why the comit celebration with the air nomads? Like why are they celebrating that comit? Is it culturally significant to them, if anything it seems like something only the firenation would celebrate, what significance does the comit that strengthens firebenders that only omes by once every 100 years have to the airbender? In the og it was multiple sycronized attacks on each temple if im recalling corectly, but yeah comit festivle at the air nation just was a tad bit weird for me

For yue im just mad the didnt save their cgi budget to give us floaty ghost yue, we were deprived of spirit yue and i detest that, other than that i apreciate she had the option to not go through with the aranged marriage, they would have written her as a character better, it just felt, a lot more surface level than in the og.

Huh/it happened

Why'd they take aangs shirt off in the first ep? I know they did it to show us his sick tattoos but, bro is seriously in the southern water tribe please give him his shit back while he's passed the hell out

I have...opinions about them physically showing us the genocide of the airbenders because on one had, we didnt see that in the og and its and intresting exploration of what we knew but hadn't seen, on the other hand, genocide... idk if it was necessarily an okay thing to portray the way that they did, it left a bit of a bad taste in my mouth (but thats kinda the point of it(genocide is supposed to make you feel uncomfortable it should feel wrong)) but yeah it was definitely a decision that they made.

I was ready to throw my phone

My only complaint about Suki is just the fact that they made her shy??? Like that felt so unnatural not having her talk to sokka for a whole 20 ass minutes (closer to five but it felt like 20) and not to mention the scene where shes teaching sokka i-i dont have words it was just horrible. it was so ooc for suki and i cant even think of a reason why they would do it, like, the audience doesnt gain anything from her not talking besides cringe 10,000 and it doesnt do anything for the plot whatsoever or narrative, someone was just like, "what if she didn't talk lol because outsiders are in her village and that water tribe guy is cute". The reason that sokka and suki worked was because she was just as if not more head strong than him, and she's really not the kind of person to have a crush at first sight. Just felt ick. Give me season one misogynistic, sexist sokka, let him have caracter development of getting his ass beat and his standards thrown back at him torn to shreds

Let sokka be problematic

I threw my phone

The only being able to talk to the previous Avatars via avatar statues makes no fucking sense and i have no clue what the hell possessed them to make them think it was a good idea to do that. First off how in the hell would they have figured it out (people in atla world)? There would have been a point at the beginning of the avatar cycle where mfs were not making statues of them, and then they did do it and some avatar was just like lemme meditate under this previous avatar and see what happens-it just agh. Second of all at some point avatar statues are going to be destroyed whether by time or intentionally at some point there will be avatars that will just never be reachable or wholly forgoten. It also just feels like a cheap plot device to get them to go places and we dont really gain anything from it.

Okay the spirit episode with hei bai, was just... a mess. And im chunking this all together, number one the fucking, ahhdhdhg, it makes me mad just thinking about it, the fact that katara and sokka got "pulled into" the spirit world with and was just bad. Bad storytelling. Bad writing. And they fucking knew it, and they knew that we would know that they were pulling shit out of their ass with it, they acknowledged that in the fucking show, they had sokka and katara say "hey how did we get in here with you" and aang just shrugs and says "idk" and it actually has me griping at my scalp and pulling my fucking hair out. that was first draft kinda stuff and the fact that it made it into the final fucking product has me raising my fucking fists to fight whoever made that decision. Numero dos why was yue there (yes i know that they gave an explanation but still why, it served no purpose it did nothing) number 3 sokka should not have a face aang should not have a face, koh the face stealer. he steals faces, specifically when people show emotion. Thats what makes him scary, not the memory bullshit whatever that was . It was just weak.

Kataras whole bending arc, nothing more needs to be said, actually basically her whole character in this.

Okay i really liked this

I really liked how they casted Azula. Spesifically that she looks her age, she looks young, because she is, even though shes definitely trying to be/apear older. And i like that they made her also just as much a victim of ozai's abuse as zuko(dont get me wrong love og but this is a good expansion of the narative for an adaptation) not to mention durring zukos agni kai shes not smiling, she looks conflicted, glad its not her, but thats her brother. and shes still is a genius in bending and her personality has been moulded to not be a target for ozai and vying for his aproval its obvious that she aware that ozai's wrath could also be turned onto her and had learned from zukos mistakes to not get the brunt of it. Just a good exploration of azula over all

Appa looks so cute! They did my boy good and Momo! Adorable truely 10/10 except the part where they nearly fucking killed him, that was unnecessary and he shoud have a part of the moon or ocean spirit in him like yue canonically speaking but ig.

Other coments

Half the budget was spent on wigs lol i have nothing more to say on this

I think we could have stood to have a bit more mention of sokkas Insticts

That was just a whole ass regular kayak at the end and it had me on rolling on the fucking floor

I felt like i was reading a fan fic written buy a child that doesnt actually like the source material and only read the spark notes

Side note

I didnt add a lot of stuff that i originally was going to bc its kinda obvious and were things that i felt like i couldn't add anything to

[detectivehannibal]

Desk Dreams

__

Hannibal Lecter x Fem. Reader

Warnings: Smut...lol have fun.

A/N: Testing my smut writing skills I see...I tried to weasel Will into this, but I’d hardly consider this a Will oneshot. I struggled so hard with this smh.

Requested by: @no-homo-hank

Prompt: also.. if i may request something sm*tty. personally i think your writing is so good. soo maybe something in his office yk yk like if the reader has a *sexy* dream about him,, and she has to tell him,, idk idk and only if you’re comfortable with it ofc! thanks :)

Word Count: 1,697

“Is it so wrong to change things up a little?”

__

You couldn’t get it out of your head. The images, the sounds, the touches, the smells. You had tried to shake it off all morning. You had brewed an extra strong cup of coffee hoping to rid your conscious of the less than appropriate dream from the night before, but to no avail. You never really had dreams, and you especially didn’t have such scandalous ones. On top of that, you definitely never had sex dreams about your therapist. 

Sure, you found him attractive in more ways than just his striking intelligence. However, the thought of anything that wasn’t purely professional had never crossed your mind. You knew what Hannibal thought about dreams. He had mentioned to you before that they are often a crucial tell-tale of a person’s mental state most of the time. That was the part you couldn’t figure out.

What did having such a racy dream mean for you?

You pondered the thought on your way to your session. You desperately wished that you didn’t have to go today, but you knew you’d be questioned about it next session if you canceled. You entered his office’s waiting room, there were no other patients at that time. You weren’t surprised, considering most people tried to push for the afternoon appointments. You took your normal seat, knowing that Dr. Lecter and Will Graham would be finished shortly. Will Graham’s appointments were always before yours, and you always noted how Will always looked as if his brain had been completely picked apart when he exited.

You often wondered what sort of things they talked about.

Sure enough, the door opened a few minutes later, Hannibal seeing Will out of his office. 

“I will see you soon, Will.” Hannibal said to Will, who had pretty much already ended the conversation. 

Will spotted you waiting and actually offered a smile. He didn’t know you outside of the waiting room, but well enough to know your name and speak to you.

“Hello, [Y/N],” He greeted, leaning in slightly; “He’s acting strangely today.” He whispered.

You gave him a confused look, but returned the greeting before he dashed off and out of the building. What did he mean by “acting strangely”? There was only one way to find out. 

“[Y/N], are you ready?” Hannibal asked, inviting you into his office.

You nodded, entering swiftly. When you passed by him, a familiar scent enriched your nose. The smell of his cologne was exquisite and suddenly sparked your memory of the dream from the night before. So that was what you smelled in the dream. You had never paid attention to it before. 

Speaking of the dream, it was suddenly all you could think about. You sat in one of his chairs, immediately striking Hannibal as out of character. He decided to hold off on mentioning it yet. 

“Good morning. How are you?” He asked, sitting in the chair in front of you.

Your leg bounced anxiously as you found yourself in a trance, raking over his features. Had his hair always been so nice? Were his eyes always so enticing? You caught his gaze, waiting for you to give an answer.

“Huh? Oh! I’m doing well.” You said, beginning to feel a heat creep over your cheeks.

His hand briefly went up to his collar to readjust his tie. You basically stopped yourself from salivating. His hands were...so perfect. 

“You’re nervous.” He announced.

You denied. You denied hard. You would not let him through to you today. You’d die of embarrassment.

“Nope. Not nervous,” You said, visibly nervous; “What makes you say that?”

His expression was calculating. He was soaking you up like a sponge to sink water, taking everything in to be squeezed out again.

“For starters, you’re sitting. You usually walk around during our sessions,” He noted; “Secondly, your entire demeanor is tense.” 

Your leg stopped bouncing and you slowly stood from your chair, you began to try and walk as you normally did, but it ended up being more of a pace. 

“Is it so wrong to change things up a little?” You asked as casually as possible.

He looked so good in that light blue shirt. 

“No, but there’s always a reason for such change.” He bantered.

You shot him a look. It was hard to get anything past him. 

“I just...” You tried to come up with an excuse, but turned up short. 

He waited patiently, his gaze never leaving yours. You sighed in defeat. 

“Dreams are normal, right?” You asked, preparing to bite the bullet.

He nodded simply.

“Certainly.” 

You chewed your lip in thought, careful with how you approached this. You fiddled with the hem of your sweater.

“I had a rather interesting dream last night,” You confessed; “It wasn’t anything I had ever experienced.”

He was listening intently, not quite following what you were getting at.

“What did you dream about?” He prompted.

You felt a sudden rise in your throat. This was painful to admit.

“Well, you were in me- uh, I mean...in it.” You said, mentally cursing at yourself for your embarrassing slip up.

A wave of realization was clear on his face as he connected the dots. You wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and die.

“[Y/N], I can assure you that sexual fantasy dreams are quite normal.” He said in an attempt to comfort you.

You groaned miserably, burying your face in your hands. You were humiliated. You’d have to request a different therapist. Maybe even seek out a totally different counseling practice.

“Dreams often must be explored to be understood. Tell me more about the content of this dream.” He requested calmly.

Your blood went hot. What? Why did he want to know that? You looked to him, surprised to see that he was completely serious. You rubbed your palms together nervously.

“I came in for my usual session. The energy was different. You were looking at me in a way you don’t usually,” You explained; “The conversation took a turn and...we had sex.”

His expression remained unchanged, but you weren’t close enough yet to see the fire in his eyes. He stood from his seat and took slow strides over towards you. You were sure he could hear your thumping heart.

“How was I looking at you?” He questioned, his voice thick and smooth.

That’s when you saw the riled up glaze in his eyes. A sudden wave of emotion and arousal crashed over you. This was really going to happen.

“Just like you are now.” You breathed out.

Instantly, his lips were on yours. Passionate and needy, but steady and calculated too. His hands gripped your waist, pushing you towards his desk. He shimmied you onto the cool, dark wood and allowed you to remove his suit blazer. 

Your mind was racing, but your movements were faster. You untucked his dress shirt from his pants while his fingertips worked on unbuttoning your jeans. It was a hot, heavy silence as the two of you stripped down enough to get the job done. His mouth was hot on your neck once your pants were casted aside, sucking a hickey on your most sensitive spot. 

“Dr. Lecter, I...” You trailed off, your mind too clouded with pleasure to offer any kind of sentence.

This felt so wrong, but so right at the same time. You were thankful for patient-doctor confidentiality. 

“Hannibal.” He corrected, unbuckling his belt and getting his pants down to his ankles.

Woah. First name basis. That was new. Hannibal really seemed to know his way around a woman. You found that rather shocking.

“Is this your means of dream exploration?” You joked, giving a breathy laugh.

“Something like that.” He replied.

He pulled himself from his boxers, stroking a few times before gingerly pushing himself inside of you. A synchronized moan drew from the both of you as he pushed through your walls, traveling as deep as he could go. He pushed your back down onto the desk, watching you sprawl out desperately for him.

He began with slow thrusts to allow you to adjust to his length, but hit the sweetest of spots each time he went back in. He grasped one of your legs, wrapping it around his waist so he could get a better angle. He had one hand on your throat, wrapped firmly but not uncomfortably. 

“Hannibal, please. Faster.” You begged, your tone coming out as a whine.

He hummed in response, his pace beginning to pick up. Your hands gripped the edge of the desk as the sounds of skin and rattling desk objects echoed in your ears. He admired the way your eyes glassed over in pleasure, his own forehead beginning to break out into a sweat. 

“Was this how your dream played out?” He asked, the slightest bit of strain in his voice; “On my desk...in the middle of a session.”

You nodded in response, but that wasn’t enough.

“Use your words.” He ordered, slamming back into you again.

“Yes.” You groaned out.

“Good girl.” He praised, moving his pace even faster.

This wasn’t how he’d usually pleasure a woman. He preferred something a little more timed out and slow, but you needed something spontaneous and fast. He could feel it radiating off of you. Your mind bounced back and forth from the dream to this present moment. This was too good to be true.

Your legs tightened around his waist, signaling to him that you were awfully close. He himself felt a twitch, looks like you were going to both finish on time. He continued to pound into you, your moans relentlessly sounding out into the air. Your high-pitched, surprised gasp alerted your release, his own spilling out just a few moments later. 

Your moans and sounds dwindled into heavy breathing, your chests heaving to catch up. He collapsed onto your shaky frame, your hand resting in his hair. You could barely comprehend what had just happened. You suddenly had a whole new reason to come to therapy. Hannibal lifted his head, pride written all over his face.

“I think...we’ll pick this back up next week.”

[fae-fucker]

Review: Shatter Me

by Tahereh Mafi

Juliette hasn’t touched anyone in exactly 264 days.

The last time she did, it was an accident, but The Reestablishment locked her up for murder. No one knows why Juliette’s touch is fatal. As long as she doesn’t hurt anyone else, no one really cares. The world is too busy crumbling to pieces to pay attention to a 17-year-old girl. Diseases are destroying the population, food is hard to find, birds don’t fly anymore, and the clouds are the wrong color.

The Reestablishment said their way was the only way to fix things, so they threw Juliette in a cell. Now so many people are dead that the survivors are whispering war– and The Reestablishment has changed its mind. Maybe Juliette is more than a tortured soul stuffed into a poisonous body. Maybe she’s exactly what they need right now.

Juliette has to make a choice: BE A WEAPON. OR BE A WARRIOR.

*This review contains vague spoilers.*

I uh … I’m having a hard time figuring out where to even begin with this one, lads. I guess I’ll start with the absolute basics:

This book is not a dystopia. This is a superhero (supervillain?) origin story. I didn’t know this going in and it didn’t feel like it until the very end. With heavy-handed romance, heavy-handed writing, heavy-handed messages, and a plodding plot that I’m pretty sure sucked about 25 years out of my goddamn life.

*rubs hands together*

Well, with that in mind, let’s do this!

The “Writing”

Tahereh Mafi isn’t some backwater Harlequin mommy porn writer, nu-uh! She’s an Artiste, and as such, her art isn’t merely art, it’s Arté.

When a sentence could be five words, Mafi makes it a paragraph. When a metaphor could make sense, Mafi confuses your PLEBEIAN MIND with her MYSTIC WRITING POWERS, to the point where nothing fucking makes sense anymore and you’re just scratching your head, wondering how the fuck supposedly near-catatonic Juliette is able to come up with such convoluted comparisons. When other writers use pages to put words on them for people to read, Mafi puts maybe one word at the very top for four or five pages for the DRAMA of it all, except unlike when we all freaked out about Stephenie Meyer doing that, here it’s Artistic.

Jokes aside, this book is the epitome of everything I hate about purple prose. As someone who violently dislikes purple prose (because usually it’s done horribly by people who want to show off how many big words they know rather than evoke any sort of emotion), I knew going in that this book wouldn’t be for me, but I wasn’t expecting this.

Metaphors are long ang confusing, the prose and the rhythm are all off, the dialogue is atrocious and cartoonish, and Juliette’s thoughts are painfully obtuse despite her supposed “deep” personality. Except sometimes her thoughts are so convoluted and specific that it clashes with how dumb she is. Sometimes she thinks of the lackadaisical ennui of the uncaring sun, sometimes she compares her boyfriend’s eyes to buckets of water. It’s a huge, disjointed mess of word vomit.

People have defended Juliette’s narration as being a result of her solitary confinement, but those people’s opinions are bad and wrong and you shouldn’t listen to them, and I will explain to you why when I discuss Juliette’s “personality” in the character section of this review.

This book’s main “thing” is Juliette crossing out words and sentences, but it’s not consistent enough to actually mean anything or tell us anything about Juliette. It also happens in dialogue, which is fucking baffling. How do characters speak the words that are crossed out? Presumably they don’t, and I’m guessing that it’s supposed to represent what Juliette thinks people want to say but don’t, but then why the fuck would you put the crossed-out shit inside the quotes with the actual dialogue? Don’t!!!! Do that!!!! You’re clearly not equipped to ignore the rules of grammar yet, Mrs Mafi! You need to level up!!!

Sometimes, things that are implied to be true are crossed out. Sometimes, it’s the propaganda that Juliette knows is untrue that’s crossed out. With both the truth and the lies, Juliette’s thoughts vs her feelings, being crossed out without any rhyme or reason, we can never be entirely certain what the fuck the strikethroughs are supposed to represent.

If, for example, only the lies were crossed out, it would imply Juliette was aware that they’re lies and isn’t afraid to confront the truth. If only the truth was crossed out, then it would mean Juliette is in denial, knowing something is wrong but believing it anyway.

Instead, the strikethrough bullshit is just … there. What it means changes from instance to instance, and because of that, it loses all the impact and significance it could’ve had and ends up meaning nothing.

In short: the writing in this book is a whole-ass mess and nothing you say will convince me otherwise.

The Characters

Juliette’s mind is perfectly fine at all times, characters even praise her for being able to withstand literal psychological torture unlike all the other female WEAKLINGS in the facility. Her obnoxious inner monologues are just there for show, because Juliette is Deep and Troubled but in a sexy, dramatic way that doesn’t actually impact her as a person or her life at all. She doesn’t suffer from any mental illness or trauma that would’ve been brought on by 260+ days of nonstop psychological torture and years of emotional abuse and neglect.

How do I know that? Because she doesn’t believe any of the bullshit she spouts. It’s made perfectly clear that Juliette only thinks in metaphors because that’s just her obnoxious “personality”. Sometimes one of the Boys says something and she claims that her knees shatter or something similar. Except she doesn’t react as if they were, as if she felt the pain. She only thinks that because … Idk. It’s deep. Shut the fuck up.

I think her narration is supposed to imply that Juliette is smart, but that’s hilariously contrasted by her constant, and I mean fucking CONSTANT thirst and attraction to both Adam and Warner, the latter being especially jarring considering how she keeps saying she despises him and is disgusted by him.

She ogles and fawns over these men even when she’s in pain or in danger, even when they’re the ones inflicting the pain or threatening her. That’s how fucking horny she is, that’s where Mafi’s priorities lie.

She undermines her own protagonist by having Juliette constantly act like a horny schoolgirl instead of the broken and tortured person she should be after what she’s been through. After years of isolation and discrimination, after 260 days of solitary confinement, this girl still acts just like any other normal horny teenager, and it’s fucking awful to read, because it invalidates everything Juliette has been through and once again puts sex appeal and men higher on the priority list over an honest and realistic portrayal of trauma and isolation.

Speaking of sex appeal …

Warner. Oh Warner. What wonderful potential was lost. I think he’s genuinely interesting, or at least had the potential to be. He’s damaged and he’s troubled and he’s complex, despite how edgy he is. He’s hands-down the most interesting character in the book, and I weep for Mafi’s inability to fucking pace herself because that’s what’s absolutely ruined him for me. Let me explain:

I’m all for redemption arcs, alright? And Warner? He’s … salvageable. With some work and some atonement, I can totally see him becoming a complex anti-hero type. He’s clearly fucked up and the things he does are damaging him.

You know where Mafi fails? You know where she fucking destroys the guy?

She’s constantly describing him as hot. When he’s acting like a terrifying and abusive shithead, Juliette can’t help but think of how the anger makes his green eyes flash. When he takes off his shirt, Juliette claims how disgusted she is by the sight, and then in the same breath describes his perfectly sculpted chest in careful detail.

We’re supposed to find Warner sexy.

We’re supposed to reluctantly be attracted to him, just like Juliette, despite that and sometimes even because he’s a dangerous and abusive jackass.

There’s even a makeout session between Juliette and Warner where she’s complaining about how grossed out she is, but the kissing is described in more sexy and hot detail than any Adam makeout, and Juliette can’t help her attraction to Warner despite her believing he’d just killed the man she loves in cold blood.

Do you undersand my problem? If Warner was just a tragic villain and Juliette pitied him and didn’t feel any, and I mean ANY attraction to the guy, I would 100% accept him later trying to change sides to atone or to make up for the things he did. Aka a proper redemption arc.

But here, he’s already written as attractive to us. He’s already sexy and desireable and alluring. The narrative paints him in a good light by undermining the terrible things he does through constant descriptions of his appearance and Juliette’s obvious lust for him.

And you can say that “Woe, Juliette can’t control her attraction!” and you would still be a dumbass, because guess who can control Juliette’s attraction? Tahereh Mafi. It was Mafi’s conscious decision to make Juliette attracted to Warner, to write him this way as a sexy but dangerous man we’re supposed to root for and want to fix.

And that’s just gross. So whatever excuse or justification or explanation Warner’s actions get in lieu of an actual redemption arc, it won’t matter to me, because it’s already been undermined by how sexy he’s supposed to be despite his damage, and the terrible things he does are only there to make him more “mysterious” and his eventual love interest status more unexpected.

Mafi isn’t interested in writing a redemption arc, she just can’t write a morally ambiguous or mysterious love interest without taking it up to eleven and have him be a fucking unhinged dictator, but it’s ok because he’s still hot enough to bang!

I love redemption arcs. I hate abusers who are painted as attractive.

Adam exists. And what a pointless existence it is! He’s very obviously a decoy love interest, too nice and too basic to be endgame, and just vague and nonthreatening enough to have a sinister plan.

See, girls? Boys who protect you and care about you are actually evil! The boys who abuse you and terrify you are the ones who truly love you!

Kenji is very clearly designed to be quirky and snarky and for the Tumblr fangirls to fawn over to the point where he sticks out like a sore thumb among the rest of the cast. I didn’t like him and found him to be pretty boring without any deviation from the snarky flirty guy archetype.

There are a bunch of other characters that are spoilers and who don’t really matter, but I will say that there is a Black man who’s described as chocolate, so there.

Um. Women? I’m pretty sure the only named women we actually get to see on the page are two identical twins who are basically one entity and they show up in like the last chapter?

Before one of you shouts OMG THERE ARE MORE WOMEN IN THE LATER BOOKS, yeah, probably, I fucking hope so, but I’m not reviewing those books yet, I’m reviewing this one, and it’s one fucking giant sausage fest of hot dudes and faceless mooks.

Dems the fax.

The “Plot”

If you go into this expecting an exploration of the importance of human touch and how the lack of it might impact a person, you’re a dumbass and so am I for making that mistake.

If you’re expecting a gloomy but action-filled dystopia based on some more district/caste/personality oppression, you’re wrong again but at least justified because that’s what this is marketed as.

The stakes and conflict are … are they? Are we sure they even exist? Jury’s still out because I have no idea what Juliette wants aside from sucking Adam’s dick (and Warner’s sometimes). I know what she doesn’t want, I think (?), but I don’t know why she doesn’t want it aside from the “uwu i’m too good and pure and love people too much even tho they’ve shown me nothing but hatred and rejection” crap.

I’m honestly having a hard time figuring out what this book even is about. Supposedly the major plot development is Juliette realizing how powerful she is and how nobody will get to use her anymore, but the first thing happens in the very last chapter out of fucking nowhere, while the last thing doesn’t even matter because up until this point, Juliette has already been spending the entire book refusing to be used in the first place.

Oh, and about the first thing again, where Juliette must realize her power? It’s supposed to be this big epic moment for her at the end of the book, but we see her use her powers to throw around threats to get what she wants several times before that, on people she barely knows. She threatens Kenji just because he makes a few inappropriate comments about her, which is fucking baffling because she refused to even try to hurt Warner even though he’s been nothing but an asshole to her up until that point.

The moment Juliette gets her hands on a gun, she’s suddenly super empowered and has no problem spitting badass one-liners, even though she was a sad woobie pacifist up until that point and who couldn’t even IMAGINE hurting anyone, not even supposed monster Warner. The whole gun thing is weird and vaguely gross tbh, because Juliette genuinely seems to enjoy the power it gives her and I’m not into that.

On a technical level, this book is mostly Juliette being pushed around by men, feeling sorry for herself and clinging to morals that only serve to show how pure and good she is despite making no sense and being odd for someone in her position to have.

There are entire chapters of repeated revelations, where Juliette is sometimes literally dragged around from scene to scene by the hand, and she realizes the same thing over and over, seemingly forgetting it at the start of the chapter just to she can learn it again by the end of it: Warner is a meanie poopy-head who’s willing to hurt, kill, and torture other people for his own gain. Every time he shows this, Juliette acts shocked all over again.

This goes on for about half the book until shit suddenly takes a turn and the book becomes yet another Underground Teenage Rebellion Fighting to Take Down the Man drama, except this time the teenagers are mutants with cool superpowers.

It’s a complete tonal shift and it’s jarring as all heck, but at least there’s no more pretense about this being a dystopia because boy oh boy is it painful to watch Mafi struggle to worldbuild even the slightest concept for this superpowered angstfest.

The Worldbuilding

Important Proper Nouns galore. The book’s website (where I got the blurb) says that this book is “fresh” and “original”.

Yeah let’s uuh … Let’s investigate that statement.

The main evil guys are called the Reestablishment. That’s two letters away from Juliette fighting the establishment.

D-do I need to say more?

I honestly don’t know if I can. It’s like Mafi just sorta took all the other YA dystopian “quirks” and threw them all in without rhyme or reason.

Climate is fucked because of Big Corporate? Yeah. All animals are dead or mutated? Yup. Art and religion is deemed bad and terrible and banned for reasons? Throw that in there too, why not? They’re destroying all languages, English included? O-ok?

We never really … dwell on any of these things or figure out why they happened or how or even where. These things are always brought up together like some sort of checklist of all the bad things that the Reestablishment has done.

And I guess for a superhero story with “pulse-pounding” romance, it doesn’t really have to be that much more complicated, and it serves its function, but on Mafi’s website there’s boasting about how it has the worldbuilding of The Hunger Games and honey, you might become a more successful circus act than a writer because the level of contortion required to shove your head that far up your ass is frankly impressive.

The Wokeness

Warner is constantly described and called “crazy” and “insane” and a “madman”, so that’s FUN. Combined with the fact that this book doesn’t seem to have any idea about what solitary does to you and effectively trivializes literal torture, this isn’t looking good, lads.

There’s also, as I mentioned, no women aside from Juliette, and everything’s always about men and how they affect her and her life and how much they matter to her.

Just. Bad. The most progressive thing about this book is the fact that a WoC wrote it, and that’s about it.

The Quotes

I’m … so sorry for this. But you have to see them.

This Kills the Lady

Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat. That I have one, too.

I always wonder about raindrops.

I wonder about how they’re always falling down, tripping over their own feet, breaking their legs and forgetting their parachutes as they tumble right out of the sky toward an uncertain end. It’s like someone is emptying their pockets over the earth and doesn’t seem to care where the contents fall, doesn’t seem to care that the raindrops burst when they hit the ground, that they shatter when they fall to the floor, that people curse the days the drops dare to tap on their doors.

I am a raindrop.

My parents emptied their pockets of me and left me to evaporate on a concrete slab.

Wot?

I catch the rose petals as they fall from my cheeks, as they float around the frame of my body, as they cover me in something that feels like the absence of courage.

Huh?

He shifts and my eyes shatter into thousands of pieces that ricochet around the room, capturing a million snapshots, a million moments in time. Flickering images faded with age, frozen thoughts hovering precariously in dead space, a whirlwind of memories that slice through my soul.

Come Again?

Summer is like a slow-cooker bringing everything in the world to a boil 1 degree at a time. It promises a million happy adjectives only to pour stench and sewage into your nose for dinner.

The Sun is a Rat Bastard – Poem by Juliette

I hate the lackadaisical ennui of a sun too preoccupied with itself to notice the infinite hours we spend in its presence. The sun is an arrogant thing, always leaving the world behind when it tires of us.

Juliette Contemplates Cannibalism

He whispers, “How are you?” and I want to kiss every beautiful beat of his heart.

He’s Not Wrong, I Guess

It’s the only reason Adam is staying with me – because Warner thinks Adam is a cardboard cutout of vanilla regurgitations.

Get You A Man Who Can Fix Years of Abuse and 260 Days of Solitary!

He’s kissing away the pain, the hurt, the years of self-loathing, the insecurities, the dashed hopes for a future I always pictured as obsolete.

*Sarah J Maas voice*

Realization is a pendulum the size of the moon. It won’t stop slamming into me.

I … What?

He’s a hot bath, a short breath, 5 days of summer pressed into 5 fingers writing stories on my body.

Juliette is a Loony Tunes Character

My eyelashes trip into my eyebrows; my jaw drops into my lap.

Kenji Is the Worst

He grins and hobbles forward. “You know, you’re pretty hot for a psycho chick.”

I … What? part 2

My jaw is dangling from my shoelace.

The Conclusion

Don’t waste your time on this. Trust me. There’s so many things I’ve left out for the sake of brevity, and I still ended up with a mile-long review.

It doesn’t work as a romance, it doesn’t work as a dystopia, and it certainly doesn’t work as a superhero origin story. Mostly because it tries to be all of these things at once and ends up being an overwritten mediocre mess.

For a time I felt vaguely invested and interested in knowing what happened in the next books, but that feeling has passed now and I couldn’t give less of a shit.

I would honestly be very interested in seeing a character like Warner be written properly and watch him try to redeem himself and atone. But that train has already left the station, and Mafi was not on it.

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: The Assassin’s Blade, Ch 5-6

*long, deep sigh*

Dinner with Sam was silent, and Rolfe appeared at eight to bring them both to the holding facility. Sam didn’t even ask where they were going. He just played along, as if he’d known the whole time.

I say, that’s my smart assassin boy! He never lets the enemy know they have the upper hand, I fucking love Sammy. Can this book be about him please?

Rolfe takes them to a warehouse full of slaves and Celery splooges over how bad she feels for them. Footage not found, bitch!

Aside from some occasional muffled weeping, the slaves were silent. Some of their eyes widened at the sight of her. She’d forgotten how she must appear—faceless, cloak waving behind her, striding past them like Death itself. Some of the slaves even sketched invisible marks in the air, warding off whatever evil they thought she was.

This might be cool if Celery was actually like, a bad ass assassin who deserves to be feared? I’m a thin ass weakling whose never been in a fight in her entire life and I could beat Celery with one fist tied behind my back.

Celaena’s heart pounded faster. Even after all these years, people still defied Adarlan’s conquest. But what right did Adarlan—or Rolfe, or anyone—have to treat them like this?

Funny how Celery acknowledges this but is completely fine with them being slaves for Rolfe........funny....

The men standing around the Eyllwe prisoner parted as Rolfe approached, bowing their heads. She recognized two of the men from dinner the previous night: the short, bald Captain Fairview and the one-eyed, hulking Captain Blackgold.

They sound way cooler than Celery. Can she drop dead and the book be about Sammy going on pirate adventures on the seas with these guys?

“I’d send him to the market in Bellhaven. Lots of rich men there needing strong hands to do their building. Or women needing strong hands for something else entirely.” [Captain Fairview] winked in Celaena’s direction.

Aaaand SJM ruined it. Great. Can I get one male character besides Sammy who thinks about something other than sex for five seconds? Pretty please?

They ask questions about the slaves and it’s just. Making me cringe so I’ll skip the details. The subject of brothels comes up and Sammy gets upset so Celery info dumps his backstory onto us.

His mother, sold at eight to a brothel, had spent her too-short twenty-eight years clawing her way up from an orphan to one of the most successful courtesans in Rifthold. She’d had Sam only six years before she’d died murdered by a jealous client. And though she’d amassed some money, it hadn’t been enough to liberate her from her brothel—or to provide for Sam. But she’d been a favorite of Arobynn’s, and when he’d learned that she wanted Sam to be trained by him, he’d taken the boy in.

Love this trend of YA mothers dying for their family to angst over. Fuck it, Sammy’s mother deserves better. She can join Darrow, Gav, Sammy, and Manon in a better series where she knits sweaters for all of them and her pet dogs. She deserves it.

Celery is like “death is better than slavery” which, okay I understand what she’s trying to say, but then she goes off about it like is she planning to kill these slave to free them?? This writing is off the wall tbh. Anyways she leaves after that and Sammy follows.

“Celaena, wait!” Sam called, panting as he walked after her.

Why is he panting if he’s just walking? He’s not even walking fast, he’s just out of breath keeping a moderate pace. Gg on the writing there, SJM.

So Celery walks down into the water and takes off her mask and cloak for some reason?

Bath-warm waves flooded past her, and she kicked up a spray of water as she kept walking. Before she could get deeper than her calves, Sam grabbed her arm. “What are you doing?” he demanded. She yanked on her arm, but he held firm.

So Sam is literally like “Uhhh it’s like super late, what are you doing?” and she starts to fucking wrestle him?? They’re wrestling in the water??? But why???

“I’m not going to let go until you promise to stop attacking me,” Sam said. His face was inches away, and she felt the breath of every one of his words on her mouth. She took an uneven breath, then another. She had no reason to attack Sam. Not when he’d kept her from gutting that pirate in the warehouse. Not when he’d gotten so riled about the slave children. Her legs trembled with pain.

Seriously what the fuck!!! Celery decides to pick a fight for him for literally no reason, then she splooges about how handsome he is, then she’s like “yeah we have no reason to fight” like what was the point of all this!!! Was this book not edited???

“I might do something as foolish as freeing the slaves,” she said. Sam went so still that he might have been turned into stone. “I knew you were thinking up something—but freeing them …”

So this was just so Sammy could find out her plans? But why?? Why don’t your characters function like regular human beings, SJM?

If I was writing this scene, I’d have Celery stomp off and Sam follow her, asking what’s wrong, and Celery knows Sammy is a good person so she tells him about her plans to free the slaves. There, cut out so much pointless bullshit.

“I have to try,” she said. “Why?” Sam stepped close enough that she needed to tilt her head back to see his face. “We’re assassins. We kill people. We destroy lives every day.”

In theory he’s not wrong, but assassin usually stick to killing corrupt political figures and dangerous people. Slavery is just stripping people of their rights and freedoms and enslaving them. Man, this book is really making me explain why slavery is wrong, isn’t it?

“We kill corrupt officials and adulterous spouses; we make it quick and clean. These are entire families being ripped apart. Every one of these people used to be somebody.”

See, even Celery understands this! Idk what SJM was smoking when she came up with this plot, but she gotta stop.

Anyways, Sammy is obviously not on board for this slavery thing and agrees to help out, only he doesn’t splooge about how that makes him a ~white savior~ or whatever so I’m actually rooting for him.

He groaned. “You already have a plan?” She grinned, then told him everything. When she finished, he only scratched his head. “Well,” he admitted, sitting on the sand, “I suppose that’d work. We’d have to time it right, but …”

Love how we don’t get to hear the plan so SJM can pull whatever she wants out of her ass and chalk it up to “Oh Celery told Sammy off screen so it was all planned lol”

Sammy implies Arobynn has more motives for sending them here than just getting him some slaves and Celery doesn’t believe him and I don’t care. Next chapter!

After yet another miserably hot and sleepless night, Celaena spent the following day with Sam, walking through the streets of Skull’s Bay.

Damn, I was lowkey hoping for a Sammy POV. I’‘d much rather be in his head than Celery’s.

From flirting with the harlots along the main street, Sam learned that every once in a while, Rolfe covered the tab for all the pirates in his service, and the revelry lasted for days.

Not for a lack of trying Sammy, but... what does this have to do with the slavery trade?

Oh, immediately after SJM is like “Lol the harlots have him some other pointers too hee hee” Great. Fuckin’ great. Never mind that he’s what, 17, and we don’t know how old those women are?

Rolfe ran a hand through his dark hair. “Don’t you two ever stop questioning? There’s no way of predicting how many slaves you’ll lose. Just keep them watered and fed.”

Rolfe is tired of this shit like me. Same hat, Rolfe, same hat.

They go to the group of slaves that’s for Arobynn and Celery asks if any of the slaves speak the Common tongue. Only one dude can.

What’s your name?” Celaena asked the slave. “Dia.” His long, frail fingers trembled slightly. “You’re fluent?” He nodded.

This guy is old and can’t be used for porn, so he’ll probably die for Celery’s angst. Ungh. Don’t know what would be worse, this or having a young hot slave speak Common so there can be a love triangle between him, Celery, and Sammy.

The scene ends and the next one starts up. If this had been written in current day, SJM would’ve added a chapter cliffhanger here.

Hours later, no one noticed—or if they did, they certainly didn’t care—when two cloaked figures slipped into two rowboats and headed toward the slave ships hovering several hundred yards offshore.

UHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M GONNA SAY THE FORMER BECAUSE????? Who wouldn’t think two cloaked people heading for the ship with slaves on it was suspicious??? Do all the pirates have mashed potatoes for brains????

It hadn’t taken long for word to get out that Arobynn Hamel’s assassins had opened a celebratory tab at the tavern, and even as they had strode to the docks, pirates were already streaming the other way toward the inn.

Even so, they still have guards on watch?? Rofle specifically said this earlier??? This fuckin’ book.

Celery and Sam make it to the ships and give each other a signal, ending the chapter. I’m ready for this snoozefeast to be over.

[thatcrazygloryfan]

So one of your artworks kinda inspired me and… With some help from an odd dream the other night, I present to you my effort at a QZGS fanfic (though this is more of a oneshot?) I don’t use tumblr or any fanfiction sites, so I guess this would be the best way to send it. (with my

really 

old askblog, at that.. It’s.. It’s embarrassing, I know.)  I told myself not to do this but I did it anyways so now that essay is just gonna have to be incomplete just a little bit longer. (I didn’t want to do it anyways :’) so I guess this saved me…) Here are my potato writing skills portraying my own potato idea. I’ll try and keep this short… ———————————————— 

Never Abandoned

————————————————  Silver flakes drifted down from a cloud-colored sky as the ever-silent, now-exiled Battle God stepped out onto the cold streets that criss-crossed the city, intertwining between the many lit buildings as if it were an intricate, delicate spiderweb. He gently pulled at his coat as he turned away from the brightly glowing headquarters of Excellent Era, the crimson glow of the leaf-shaped emblem bringing thoughts that he would rather be without. He walked. Striding through the winter was certainly taxing on him, since the frigid cold bit at his exposed skin, and the only clothing he owned were the ones on his back. A faint jingling came from his pocket, due to the account card that still rested there.  Continuing through the city, enveloped by the artificial light of the lamps and signs, he picked up his pace and made it to the oceanside. Reflecting off the dark waters were the brilliance of the landscape behind him, twinkling and shining as if they were man-made stars. A sigh escaped his mouth as he contemplated the circumstances of less than an hour ago. The shaking of his hand. The cold voices of his former teammates. The tone of the one who had uprooted his authority and made his own hand sign his name upon a sheet of paper that would strip away his passion and living for an entire year.  A mist escaped with his breath and floated into the air, and disappeared like a vapor in the wind. The god’s gaze darted around, looking at the empty streets, devoid of activity. It was only him, several lone lampposts, unoccupied benches, and the cobblestone sidewalk below. No.. It wasn’t completely empty. There was a single individual standing a short distance away, their shadow illuminated by the pale, ivory-colored glow of the wrought-iron street lamps. His eyes narrowed ever-so slightly, the details jumping out at him.  Clothed in a long black coat ornamented with sharply outlined contrasts of angular golden trims and patterns, the silent figure stood there alone, much like himself. The only thing that stood against the ebony color of their entire vestment was the scarlet cape that hung from their shoulders, bearing a single, brassed tassel at the end. They looked.. Familiar.

Too familiar.

Driven by his curiosity, Ye Xiu, otherwise known as Ye Qiu, stepped forward. His single step rang out against the muted hustle and bustle of the night city, seeming abnormally loud when compared to the dimmed sounds of chatter, machinery, and the softly sloshing waves of the nearby sea. Within only a few strides, he had approached this mysterious silhouette, and he was about to say something, had they not turned around first. Staring back at him was.. Almost the spitting image of himself. Except he knew it wasn’t. He was very familiar with this person- his companion for the last ten years of Glory, where he had basked in fame, reverence, mystery, and the wild cheers of his supporters.  A light breeze tossed the wine-colored cloak that was draped across their back, causing it to snap and furl in the chilling air. But the individual.. The same facial structure and blank look, their only difference in that aspect was the eerily empty eyes of the being who he knew was his avatar. Had he hit his head too hard when he left the Excellent Era building, only to completely forget about it? Or had the shock of the events warped his mind to the point he was hallucinating him? One Autumn Leaf could not, and would not have been standing before him. Sun Xiang owned him now, didn’t he? The thought raced through his head as Ye Xiu stumbled backwards a single step, slightly taken aback by the sight. “It’s me.” The voice that rang out was identical to his own, except that it lacked almost all emotion, except for the barest hint of hurt. And for some reason, that slight, almost nonexistent touch to the sound of his otherwise-steady voice struck him to the core. “…One Autumn Leaf. Ye Qiu, have you already forgotten about me?”  “…No, I..” He was surprised, blinking a few times before this manifestation of what was formerly just a construct of pixels. Within a moment, Ye Xiu steadied himself and looked eye-to-eye with the Battle Mage, who stood as still and unmoving as he did in Glory. “Come on, it can’t be you.” The player tried to laugh off the situation, keeping the nervousness out of his tone. “I.. Maybe I whiffed something on my way here, and you’ll just disappear-“ Clamping down on the retired gamer’s shoulder within the next instant was a firm hand, steady and still from the years of finely tuned practice with a heavy spear. “I’m very much real.” The supposedly imaginary being answered, his gaze still unbroken. “…I understand the circumstances in which I was handed over to a little brat, whose first action was to try and tarnish my hair. I do not blame you and I hold you in no contempt.” “Ah.. Suppose I’m really not imagining all this, and you are indeed corporeal..” Ye Xiu touched the avatar’s outreached arm, indeed feeling the cold, dark metal and the absolute solidness of his form. Yep, he was real alright. “..How are you here? Why did you come to find me?” “Glory cannot hold me when I have enough drive in me to shatter an invisible barrier.” That was the response given by One Autumn Leaf, who retracted his hand as to not threaten his former master. “And I came here to find you because I could not stand to see you leave. For ten long years, you have been at my side. And I am not so willing to go.” “I handed you off. Your new owner is Su-“ The banished deity of Glory began, but was cut off by the character stretching out his other hand, clasping something in between his fingers. A Glory account card. “This rightfully belongs to you.” He said, and Ye Xiu was taken aback for the second time, staring at the object. Shined, black and gold much like One Autumn Leaf himself, with the word Glory emblazoned on the front, embraced by a pair of segmented wings and crossed with dual blades. For a moment, Ye Xiu had to contemplate just how flipping weird it must have been for an avatar to hold such an item- wouldn’t that be handing over their own, beating heart to someone? Or on an even more extreme spectrum, their very soul? The essence of who they were, that represented all of them, and sustained their existence? The thought was so strange that even he had to shove it aside, his shaky right hand reaching out to accept the card. As his pale fingers grazed the smooth surface of the card that he had been forced to surrender a mere hour ago, he looked up at One Autumn Leaf, who now bore a faint smile upon his previously expressionless features. “Don’t leave me, Ye Qiu. You are still my master. Take me back to the battlefield.” He dropped his arm once the Glory card was safely given back to the gamer. “I could not bear to leave, even if I were forced. Sun Xiang is not you.” The dark-haired, exiled professional looked up to the avatar in silence before nodding, unable to help but crack a slight grin of his own. “…I’m glad, then.” The feeling of the simple object in his hand.. It was possibly the most thrilling, exhilarating flood of emotion he had experienced since his first official tournament. The excitement, the adrenaline, and the sheer joy all came rushing back like a tsunami. He looked out at the still-glowing city landscape, coruscating with the resplendent shine of the modern world.  Somehow, his mind almost seemed to be synced with the near-identical individual besides him, who had been his representation on a stage that met and drew the eyes of millions. Together, they turned from the glossy, yet dull and dusky shine of the ocean beyond, and looked to the shimmering stars that dotted the night sky. And together, their voices rang out.  “

Glory never fades

.”  ———————————————— This potato will now silence themselves as they have no flipping clue what they wrote at 1 AM in the morning and it doesn’t make sense. And I’ll probably feel massive regret too.. What have I wrought.   (I hope you enjoyed it somewhat nonetheless ^^;)

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AKJSDHJSFLFDKJFKSJDJS DEM FEELS THAT WAS AMAZINGGG Hey I’m gonna make an amped up, more serious comic to go along with this bc a) I love this and b) I’ve been wanting to draw some sort of comic for something for a while now xD

I’d say maybe in the beginning, you could improve on making the details flow more smoothly? (it got better towards the end tho :D) But idk bc I suck as a writer like this is better than anything I can do so great job and I’ll let the other fanfic writers give some advice if they have any haha