#the chaplain

[rallamajoop]

PG, 7,470 words

"Didn't you know you were naked?" asked the chaplain, who was confused all over again. "I hadn't given it much thought," said the man in the tree who was probably Yossarian. "But then, I've been avoiding fruit on account of my liver, so I haven't eaten any of these." He proffered a juicy, red fruit that the chaplain recognised, to some alarm, as a cherry tomato of much the same species that he'd been so cruelly accused of stealing from Colonel Cathcart's office, even by Colonel Cathcart, who had been the one to insist he take it in the first place. "Want one?"

Honestly, my plans for this year's Yuletide were to check out any prompts for The Lost Boys or maybe Dracula too with the aim of writing some treats, depending what turned up. Which I still did ‒ but then I randomly spotted Catch-22 on the sign-up summary, and never in my life have I gone from 0 to omg I have GOT to write something for this! nearly so fast. (Did not hurt that the request was, of course, exactly the pairing I knew it would be.)

See, Catch-22 is one of my favourite novels. It is by turns mad, hilarious, horrifying, utterly gut-wrenching, absurdist, cynical, humanist, and somehow still hopeful at the end of the day. When I tell you how hard Catch-22 begs to be queered, I need you to understand that despite the most gleefully gay opening lines, I warn you this thing was penned by one of the horniest heterosexual men I have ever encountered in writing (and that is saying a lot). It's narrative voice is so strong and unique that the first time I read it, I found it leaking into my fecking CLAMP fic (no regrets). It's the novel I reread deliberately while looking for inspiration for A Unified Theory of UNCLE (my own attempt at questionably-heterosexual absurdist historical government-regulation-drama). This thing gets in my head in the best way.

Despite all the above, I can't say I've ever seriously considered trying to write fic for Catch-22 itself before. But it turns out all I really needed was the excuse.

And if that isn't everything Yuletide's meant to be about, I don't know what is.

[xximpeach-nixon-69xx]

girls when "he was a slight man of about thirty-two with tan hair and brown diffident eyes. his face was narrow and rather pale. an innocent nest of pimple pricks lay in the basin of each cheek. yossarian wanted to help him."

[normanbased]

the chaplain makes me go like this -> :]💕

[owoiwonderwhatsthis]

Hahahaha… what if you were the avatar of the god of regeneration and I was a military chaplain that kept dying over and over in an endless cycle.. and we were both women..lol JK.. unless..

(Super duper late valentines gift for @herebecritters , please take this crossover yuri as a token of appreciation, this is non-canon but that’s quite alright!)

[outsidertrolls]

Don’t a lot of purples find it… heresy to let a non-purple wear paint?

"They can take it up with me themselves if they have problems. Draz is a member of not only my carnival but of my center ring. They will respect him or they will regret it."

>The Chaplain's smile turns vicious but not mirthless. Looks like he'd enjoy the encounter.

[deleteddewewted]

Astartes Cuddling Headcanons

A/n: Inspired by multiple posts I've seen and brainstorming with friends.

W: Platonic Relationships, Just super cute, Mega Fluff, Kinda Angsty

Astartes are not as socialized as regular children so they tend to come off as very blunt and very unfeeling.

This is why i feel that many of them seek comfort silently, mainly through physical platonic contact.

From being an aspirant and sleeping in close piles with other aspirants since they're home sick, to being neophytes who are now working towards the dream of becoming a battle brother and doing the same, these overgrown children seek companionship in their battle brothers

Not only do the aspirants, being so young, many of them orphans are denied gentle gestures by their overseers, they make their own comfort by confiding in each other.

Cuddling, hugging, sharing food is typical at this early age as their all trying to cope.

Once they become neophytes these rituals change. Many of them are now a step closer to being battle brothers, many of them being further ahead in their enhancement surgeries.

Many of the Neophytes seek comfort in their companies Chaplain or other veteran battle brothers.

Neophytes will create these cuddle piles where they all share a room or a space and just sleep next to each other or on top of each other, holding onto one another as they rest as they feel like this helps them regulate not only their body temperature but also makes sleeping easier.

Oddly smart since this also means that in case anyone sneaks up on them they can all respond quickly to that threat.

Full fledge battle brothers do the same but a little differently.

They have their own chambers, they have their own spaces, this doesn't mean sleep overs arent a thing.

Having had more in depth training and psychological indoctrination done on them, they no longer understand the aching feeling that sometimes presents themselves when they are put into very domestic situations.

Eating in the mess hall? They like being together in the community but they don't understand why.

Speaking while doing basic maintenance on their equipment? They enjoy the deep conversations they have with their battle brothers but they don't understand why they do.

Boasting about receiving praise from their Primarch or chapter master? They're overjoyed to have performed their duty well but they also don't know why they would like to hear such affirmations more often.

Its small things that should be insignificant to them that confuse them as they are told time and time again that they no longer have a need for such baseline wants or needs.

Deep down, i think they know that no matter how enhanced they become they desire such small gestures of community and comfort and that is why they develop friendships amongst each other.

Some seek company in the apothecary and others with their chaplains or veteran brothers.

[frontlinebicepsoftheninth]

happy valentine's day who wants to throw themselves on a fence spike for me while reciting biblical wedding vows as your last words so i can consume your soul and gain immortality but after confronting god who says he cannot bring you back i become so overtaken with grief that i lobotomize myself to erase my ability to conceive of you in any capacity to prevent my body from absorbing and using you as an eternal battery after which i send myself to a purgatory dream state and you surface in control of my body and defend it from the alien bug soldiers of a murdered ghost planet that are trying to kill me for the sins of the emperor i worship and then i stay sleeping in hell while you end up back in your own body and then my body kisses your body but it's while being inhabited by the soul of the earth and eventually you try to sacrifice yourself for me again but you can't because you're dead now and then i wake up in my own body finally in the same room as you but i faint and get carried off by eldritch barbie before i can hear you assert your devotion to me by calling her a slut. either that or we could get coffee

[wh40kartwork]

Asmodai

by Ivan Klimenko

[ladymirdan]

Why is he so cute!!?

[loving-n0t-heyting]

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2023/10/08/gaza-israel-airstrikes-palestinians/

“To all civilians in Gaza, I say, get out of there,” Netanyahu said in a speech late Saturday. But there is no way out for the 2 million people here, who have lived for more than 15 years under a sea, land and air blockade — imposed by Israel and backed by Egypt after Hamas seized power in 2007.

The summit of human cruelty

[boredguitarfish]

Brother Damocle, black shield chaplain of the Deathwatch at Watch Fortress Erioch.

Formerly a vanguard veteran of the Astral Claw chapter, under the name of Koritan, he was inducted into the rank of deathwatch chaplains after a near standard century of service and apprenticeship in the Long Vigil at Eye of Damocles. Astral Claw called for his return prior to the start of Badab war, yet the message was lost through the layers of bureaucracy of the Inquision, and only reached the watch station after the initiation of the war. Koritan was immediately seized by the inquisition and was placed under intense interrogation and scrutinization due to his apparent connection with his former chapter, which was proven unnecessary as he ended up in the deathwatch predominately due to his disdain towards Huron. After his name was cleared, the chaplain rescinded all his previous connections, including his name given to him by his former chapter.

He requested the removal of his details and a transfer to other watch fortresses, which was granted. Now with the status of a black shield and adopting the name of his former watch fortress, Damocle rejoined his brothers in the deathwatch with unprecedented ferocity.

N.B. The character is extensively scarred with his jaw replaced with metal work, akin to the chaplain’s death mask’s mandible. He is a veteran to start with, and harbors a furious eager and self destructive passion in battle for the shame of his former chapter.

[i-lavabean]

Some Teenytallos

I like to think Kotallo was a holy terror as a child

[alphagravy]

[outsidertrolls]

Ayy Chaplain my good friend Chaplain.

Chappy.

Have you ever utilized a [reads from notecard] Retcon…’s services? :3

"Ah, yes. Him. I see the use that the man has, but I personally prefer to handle things myself. I'm not a big believer in reeducation."

He steeples his hands in front of his face.

"If the fruit is rotten, you throw it away. You don't cut off the rot."

[kumratart]

I'm allowed to have one pretty marine