#the blurred out figures in the last panel absolutely make it too LOL

[drunkin-kong-donic]

HOLY SHIT!!! AHHH!!! I’M YELLING THIS IS SO GOOD!! KJSADKJAsd I LOVE IT SO MUCH DUDE!! WTF, I love love LOOOVEE THEM IN YOUR STYLE, AHHH LOL. EVERYONE LOOK AT THIS awesome RIOT bOys ART I’m cryyyyinggg... 

This is something that I wanted to do for @drunkin-kong-donic ‘s Sunset Rebels /// Riot Boys AU! I love this comic so much! I highly recommend giving it a read (have to be 18+). Also, this little comic is inspired by that one vine lol

Design and Concept belongs to them

[slowlymadeart]

After a month of making adjustments to the script and editing things out I’ve kind of lost perspective on how this can been seen from a stranger’s point of view.

(And may have over explained in areas just to make sure communication was clear).

All images are cropped to instagram size. (except the first one with the “critique” message).

Tried my best to jam everything into 10 panels.

Oh, and what’s happening in that last panel is me being arrested for spoon debt. 

Annnd to answer your question, yes. I do imagine a world in which “spoon court” and a “spoon bank”  is being run by utensils.

I know it’s weird. It’s the whole “Goofy is a dog with a dog (Pluto) as a pet!

but.. I think it’s kinda funny….or could be if I ever draw more. Just doing research on obscure and various utensil to make into characters? I don’t think I could pass on that.

Anyhow, here’s some thoughts and explanations you are free to ignore. Seriously. They might cloud whatever you thought of the comic before reading a backlog of thoughts…But if you wanna follow the thought train, hop aboard. 

1. Is “Well, You could just google it” too condescending or will the internet be okay with this? When it’s written in a post it’s fine, but in a comic? I just don’t want to push people away. Especially first thing. (After a month of rewrites and redraws is when I changed up that speech bubble and put that line in there, lol).

2. “Spoonie” comes with many associations with chronically ill/disabled communities. I tried to acknowledge as many points of view as simply as I could. Hinting at a bunch of perspectives from both the people who love it and reasons why people hate it. 

3. Also nodding towards the idea that “Spoonie” is easier to say than “Disabled”, and for some, the internalized “Disabled is a dirty word” has them opting to say “spoonie” instead. Often unintentionally. So I then tried to blur the distinction between the two a bit. Out of a desire to mae “Disabled” a more approachable word.

4. Alright, so the idea ”Spoonies are just one part of the disabled community.” I feel like I may have been able to communicate this, but when I drew the group image of various spoonies connecting from their beds, it might feel too “Any person with a disability can be a spoonie to some degree.” …..which makes me worried healthy people may eventually start projecting it onto people they meet with disabilities. Sort of a “I can help you somehow, here’s this info a about spoons! Did you know it exist yet? it could change your life!!” all while still disregarding the person their talking to.

5. The facial expression on my character for “My body is disabled and day to day living sometimes breaks my brain” -I could not figure it. For me, there’s a mixture of “slight embarrassment but I gotta say it” and “LET’S PRETEND YOUR ELSA IN “LET IT GO” AND YOU HAVE NO MORE FUCKS TO GIVE!”

or “calm. with no more fucks to give. A ‘deal with it’ sunglasses or vacant eyes and a slight smile situation”

then I’d go back to “Embarrassment, both crying and laughing from brain breaking, wants to have no more fucks to give but that’s just not true”

and I was worried that gave the wrong impression about being disabled. Yes, there’s absolutely truth to it. but after reading articles by some extremely well educated disabled advocate types, and a critique on the show “Special.” I wanted to try and set a good example- pretending I’m further along with coming to terms with what my life is than how I can be at times.

We’re allowed to feel like this is a mindfuck. It absolutely can be. But I don’t want to be seen as too whiny…

…. and I need to clean up my language so my 11 and 12 year old sisters can read. (Will be changing a couple words for the finished version that goes on instagram and webtoons).

6. Christina Miserandino seems to use to be very into tanning. When collecting photos, her shade of skin changed all the time. But it’s not “arianna grande” type stuff, just more so her genetic predisposition and past beauty habits conflicting with going through a lot in recent years and hasn’t been getting out as much, or caring about looks. I tried to capture a sense of her advocacy prime, with the purple, when she put a lot of work into her hair, her love of girlishness but with a slight edge to show maturity. Just going with a skin tone she’s had consistently in the past couple years- just because going darker would have been a lot more strange to those who looked into her now. (This one’s less of a concern and more of a…disclosure? Just felt weird to deal with).

7. I don’t know if any of you have ever looked through spoonie selfies, or disabled selfies. but we seem to LOVE DYING OUR HAIR. (It’s one thing we can change). Hair dye is having a moment in the world. So I hope the change of hair colors here and in the future is not taken the wrong way. It’s just really fun to use unique hair colors on characters. I will say, the reason the woman on the left side of the “Today a spoonie is” has blue hair, is because she’s Trans, it’s a wig. her hair isn’t where she wants it to be yet, she uses the hat because she couldn’t afford a lace-front wig. Yes, it’s hot on her head. but it’s easier than using energy to secure everything and make the top look nice. and it feels too fake looking when the top is not covered up……. And…yes, I realize this is all in my head and not conveyed or relevant at all- but that’s the backstory, lol. I gave her shirt the trans flag colors, but she didn’t seem like a pastel person and so I kept them darker, feeling like that’s what this character would like.

8. I included cutting scars on two characters because a few years back I had a friend who pointed out to me I always omitted drawing her scars. I wasn’t doing it on purpose, I just kept forgetting. But I felt bad. It seemed like including the scars was more empowering to her at that point in her life. That’s why they were included here. 

9.  I know some think “Spoonie” is just for those with Chronic illness. It can feel that way- it’s a large majority of Spoonies. But Christine herself said in an interview Spoon Theory can be used those with disabilities and Mental health conditions. Basically, whoever has a condition that causes fatigue. 

When put that way- well, the panel that reads “Perhaps detached enough for misguided normies to think” -could happen.

(All the more reason to blur distinction between “disability” and “spoonie”?…maybe. but, that could alienate neurodivergents. And the blurred distinction between “Neurodivergence” and “disability” is…exploding as a topic currently. And I don’t want to contribute to more people thinking neurodivergence means “disabled” and therefore “broken”- that’s the opposite of what I want to do).

((Thus why there’s info supporting the idea throughout the rest of the comic “Don’t fix it. work with it. My situation’s just different.”))

Maybe the panel isn’t needed, but that’s how/why it came to be.

10. If there’s unhealthy mentalities portrayed in the comic that don’t serve a greater purpose, let me know. Unhealthy mentalities are great for humor, and getting to let someone else who’s going through the same type of thinking at times have comfort- but what I’m worried about is anything that is problematic. 

11. If any of the terms I used are incorrect- such as places I use “conditions” to sum up- everyone who can be a spoonie. Let me know! It get’s really tricky at times when you have to make the statement as simple as possible to refer to a very diverse group with very diverse bodies.

12. I’m starting to put “mean stranger” type characters in colors without skin tones so that they can be applicable to more people, as being sick/disabled/neurodivergent is somehow in open invitation for the opinions of jerks. Drawing them all as Donkeys or “Asses” would be cool and clever, but too much work. 

13. Because of Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia sitting with my legs down in a wheelchair is extremely draining, so I want to stop drawing that.

[sally-mun]

Ever met a celebrity or anybody famous? The most famous person I've met was a former pro boxer, by the name of Ray 'Boom-Boom' Mancini at a charity dinner at the banquet center I worked at 4 years ago. Nicest man you'd ever meet and he even sent me a signed autograph picture in the mail. I'm a Star Trek fan and I'd love to meet the cast of TNG, but autographs and conventions are so expensive. Of course there's the chance you could catch one of them on a bad day and get the brunt of it

If we’re including conventions, then yeah I’ve met several famous people before. I’ve met and gotten autographs and/or selfies from voice actors and screen actors, and I’ve occasionally met some artists too! Outside of that, though, I can’t really say I have. Even my best and most extensive meeting was still at a convention. You could even argue that Mario Marathon was kind of a convention in a sense, albeit a super limited one!

I wasn’t sure if I should include a list or not, so as a compromise I’m going to do so below a cut!

Voice Actors:

Sonny Strait (voice of Krillin) -- Got to spend basically an entire day with him! Unexpectedly encountered him at a convention waaaay way back in the day and he just kind of adopted me and the other handful of fans that were hanging around. He gave us all free DBZ CCG t-shirts, let us sit in the DBZ hummer, and signed anything we put in front of him!

Christopher Sabat (voice of Vegeta) -- I brought him a set of cookies made to look like dragon balls, and brought my favorite Vegeta card that I’d been saving for something like 17 years or so on the off-chance I could ever get it signed. He was so moved and impressed that he gave me two other autographs for free~

Todd Haberkorn (voice of Jaco) -- This was the same convention where I got to meet Chris Sabat, and I also brought him a box of cookies. He was so excited that he dug into them right then and there, and then when signing my card he even wrote “Thanks for the galactic cookies!”

Chuck Huber (voice of Android 17/Hiei) -- I’ve gotten autographs from him a couple of times for different characters. One of the items I got signed was one of the original Hiei action figures back when Yu Yu Hakusho first debuted in the US. He was impressed that I had it at all, let alone that it was in the box. (Amusingly, the only reason I did was because I had one previous to it that was out of the box on display and whose sword had broken. I got a new one intending to replace it, but just never opened it.)

Chris Rager (voice of Mr. Satan) -- SUCH a nice guy! We had a nice little chat and I offered him some dragon ball cookies I’d been handing out that day. He signed my trading card and took a selfie with me! I caught him at a panel where he told some absolutely amazing behind-the-scenes stories that I still tell to other people to this day.

Chris Cason (voice of Tien) -- Not much to say about this encounter, I didn’t get to say much more than a hello and thank you before he had to go. I’d missed the official signing session and just happened to catch him after a panel.

Team Four Star -- I catch these guys every opportunity I can manage, and every time I bring them some DBZ-themed treat. I refer to myself as “Snack Girl” when I come to get autographs, and at my last encounter Lanipator mentioned that I looked familiar when I came to the table, so I guess I’m making an impact! I have several stories concerning these guys, way too many to list here.

Little Kuriboh (YGOA voice of Merik, DBZA voice of Freeza) -- Amusingly I met him the time I was at a convention in my Piccolo costume, and that ended up being a whole conversation by itself. It then immediately turned into a conversation about Fallout because someone had brought him some New Vegas playing cards, lol. He was enamored with the trading card I had brought him to sign, and we had a discussion about a fund raiser he’d hosted to raise money for disaster relief where I’d won one of the auctions he’d held.

Kevin Conroy (voice of Batman) -- I found out very late that he was going to be in town, like maybe a week or two before, and dropped EVERYTHING to be able to meet him. When I was in line for an autograph I was so worked up that I kept getting light headed and having heart palpitations. By the time I actually made it to the table I was so starstruck that I could barely say anything. I’m pretty sure I said “I can’t believe you’re here” (??? wtf past-me) and something about him being so talented. He thanked me and didn’t really say much. I had also paid for a photo with him, and in the photo you can see my hand gripping the side of my leg REALLY tightly because I had a very strong instinct to hug him and I WAS NOT ABOUT TO BE THAT FANGIRL.

Charles Martinet (voice of most of the Mario cast) -- Holy shit, this man is playful! He was an absolute delight to talk to, and even just to watch with other people while I was in line. He was very open to whatever sorts of fan requests each person had and was just so warm and gracious with each person that came up. I mostly just wanted to shake his hand and tell him that Mario games basically set me up for the person I grew up to be today. The thing that amused me the most is that if you had him autograph one of the prints at the table, which had all the Mario characters on it, he’d do the voices of each character while doodling little word balloons for them~

Screen Actors:

John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who/Torchwood) -- This was one of the first times I’d gone to a convention specifically to meet an actor. He was a lot of fun and did his best to be chatty, but his handlers were kind of hurrying people along. He was especially tickled by my name (I guess he doesn’t sign too many autographs made out to “Leda”), and he even signed a second item that we happened to have for free!

Cary Elwes (Wesley in The Princess Bride, among other things) -- This was another one of those moments where the weight of just WHO I was meeting got to me and I completely lost my voice. I think I said something about having grown up watching Princess Bride ever since I was a little kid?? I honestly don’t remember what I said, it’s kind of a blur. All I know is that I was so struck by the moment that I didn’t even remember to say that I also love him in the Saw movies.

Billy Boyd (Pippin in Lord of the Rings) -- Not a lot I can say about this one because it was a very fast-paced, conveyor belt sort of affair. We exchanged greetings and he thanked us very much for coming out to see him, and we all agreed that Pippin is totes the best hobbit.

Robin Lord Taylor (Penguin in Gotham) -- One of my favorite interactions meeting a celebrity, for sure! He was actually really interested in knowing about -me-, which completely threw me off-guard. He wanted to know where I was from and what I did for a living, and when I said I was a manager at Spencer’s he got really excited and squeaked “I LOVE Spencer’s!” While he was signing my doll I explained that Penguin is by far my family’s favorite character in Gotham and that we had a joke where, anytime the show switches back to him, we say “Meanwhile, with the REAL main character...” He got a big kick out of that~

Khary Payton (King Ezekiel in The Walking Dead) -- So I don’t watch a huge amount of Walking Dead, but I watch enough that I wanted to come along when my mom went to go get an autograph from him for my brother. He’s definitely the friendliest celebrity I’ve encountered -- so much so that he wouldn’t stay behind the table! He spent the entire time in FRONT of the table so he could hug every single person that came to see him! It was a nice strong hug, too, and he was just so welcoming and pleasant. I told him that, if I had to choose one of the communities in The Walking Dead, I’d absolutely choose The Kingdom. He threw his hands up to his sides and said dramatically, “You will always have a place in my kingdom!”

Penn & Teller -- This year my mom took me on a surprise trip to Las Vegas, and while we were there we got to see Penn & Teller perform, which has always been a dream of mine! After the show they came out into the lobby and they did autographs and selfies with anyone that wanted one, and I got to meet them each. It was a little disarming hearing Teller talk, and Penn was as funny as ever because he’d loudly comment whenever someone’s phone wasn’t working. During this trip I also had my Boris plushie as my “traveling doll” and asked if they’d take pictures with him as well, which they both obliged. Teller seemed particularly amused by Boris.

James Rolfe (the Angry Video Game Nerd) -- So I actually have kind of a long history with him, which originated with me contacting the show to donate a fairly odd peripheral accessory. I given a green light and provided an address, and since I was going to be mailing him anyway, I basically just got a big box and threw in any video game related stuff that I didn’t want anymore and didn’t feel like putting the effort into selling. It ended up being a HUGE box, so much so that I included an inventory list to make sure he didn’t accidentally throw something away. To my surprise he actually mailed me back an autographed AVGN print thanking me for the donations! I thought that’d be the end of it, but he’s actually since featured that peripheral several times on the show, and even included an Easter egg that I asked for twice! This year I got to meet him at Too Many Games and introduced myself as the one that sent the item in. He mentioned that they had a lot of fun messing with it.

Mario Marathon team -- I’m known as one of the regulars since I’ve been around since the first year, and a couple of years ago I was actually invited to the marathon itself as a player! It’s definitely one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I only wish I could do it all over again! Everyone was just... wonderful~ I was there for several days so there’s obviously way too many stories to tell, but at least in this case you can always go watch the videos on Twitch.

Artists:

Steven Butler -- This was particularly amusing because I was the one that caught him by surprise. I happened to be making my way through the Artist Alley when I realized he was there, and since no one was at the table at the time I went over to talk to him. We had an awesomely long chat about his work (I was going through a sample book on the table) and his time drawing for the Sonic comics. He tried to bring it up as a talking point, and I told him “I know, I own some of your pages!” which REALLY threw him for a loop! He showed me some art for a new Sonic-style story he’s been working on, and I completely fell in love with a character that was clearly inspired by Sally (and I’m not just assuming, he confirmed as much). I then started talking about @fini-mun and how it’s only a shame he couldn’t meet Deebs too, and was talking about Deebs’ history with art and almost getting recruited to be in the Archie art stable as well and how they now do art streams. He was particularly interested in the streams, and I was like “Oh yeah, that’s actually why they aren’t here now, they have a stream today!” so he gave me a free print to pass along to Deebs as a show of interest and support!

Veronica Vera (from the Not Enough Rings comic) -- This was another chance encounter in Artist Alley. I was just kind of poking around to see everyone’s work, and I realized I recognized the comic she was selling. I commented that I loved that comic, and she said she was selling hardcover copies of the entire series. I love the comic and I wanted to show my support, so I bought a book and she signed the inside cover! Unfortunately Oliver Bareham wasn’t there at the time, so no autograph from him. Maybe one day if I’m incredibly lucky, I suppose.

Rich Koslowski -- This was at one of my very first conventions ever. He was an inker of the Sonic comics at the time, and I was only.... 12, I think? I mostly was just excited to be meeting someone that works on Sonic stuff, and I can’t remember much about the encounter aside from just babbling about liking Sonic. I remember him being very kind.

And unfortunately... Ken Penders --  This was at the same convention I just mentioned with Koslowski. As stated above I was only 12, and I was just excited to meet someone who works on Sonic stuff. I believe I was there because of a post on Archie’s Sonic website. Anyway what strikes me as the most surprising about this encounter is how -normal- it all was, at least as far as I remember it. I’ve heard some horror stories of Penders being horrible to fans at conventions, but at least way back at this time (like 1997 or so), he was passing for a normal human. He didn’t say anything mean to me (that I noticed), and he actually gave me some free Sonic loot, which I can’t imagine him ever doing nowadays. I still have the comic book he signed, and I legit consider burning it on a regular basis.

OKAY this ended up way longer that I thought it would. I think even -I- forgot how many people I’ve met before. If I think of anyone else I’ll add it to the list later!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

[erza-is-a-crazy-fangirl]

There for you -  Nash Gold Jr x reader

For the lovely @itishebihime-samaforyou Hope you’ll like it! I wrote reader but it’s really you, the one I used as the female character :3 

"Oh no, not again.." I had no choice, running seemed like the best option at this hour. With the phone at home and my sore throat I had no chance of getting help. "When will this end?!" The more tired I was getting, the faster that creep was getting closer behind me. I was just a few blocks away from the police station, but my feet were starting to give up on me. I made a last second turn hoping to confuse the psycho, but sadly it had rained and I slipped badly and fell. The next thing I knew was that a hand was grabbing me by the collar and pushing me against a wall with full power. Shouting, he moved one of his hands over my face while his other one was clenched into a fist, pressing hard against my stomach. 

- I don't like running, and when a gentleman invites you in his home, you accept obediently!

With the limited amount of air I was able to get, I could still barely breathe, even though my head was already starting to hurt badly. 

-  I was going to be nice, but you asked for it... Be thankful to me, I will still take care of you despite the little stunt you tried to pull, and I bet you've never even been with a man before!

Laughing, he removed the hand that was pressed hard into my stomach and reached behind my back, aiming for my bra hooks. At that moment, all the power that was left in me flew away and my vision started to blur. Before I could fall on the floor the guy put his knee between my legs, still able to hold me upright. But somehow, without him noticing, right before he could grope me again, I noticed a figure behind him, which was coming closer and closer, then I heard a dull sound, after which the freak released his grip on me, causing me to lose balance and fall. I heard yelling and words, but I couldn't understand them. I was barely conscious, but I remember... one of the last tings I remember was another man getting close to me... The street light cast shadows in such way that I couldn't see a face, but there's one thing I noticed... "Hehe...Such pretty golden hair..."

When I woke up it was daytime, and I was in an unfamiliar place. A female voice reached my ears, causing me to rub my eyes in attempt to wake up completely. I tried to move and look for the voice, when I heard it again, this time understanding the words. 

- Please no sudden movements yet, you're still in bad shape.

Confused, I still tried to get up, but this time a hand stopped me. I could still my head though, and when I did my eyes landed on an unknown pretty woman. 

- Don't worry about anything, I will explain to you what happened after your fever is under control.

Fever? Oh, right... I wasn't in perfect condition even before I got abused again... My train of thought wasn't long, because I fell asleep without realizing it.

When I woke up again though, my mind felt more clear and I had no problem lifting up my torso. I was still in the unfamiliar room, but it didn't seem as if I was in danger. Soon enough the door opened, and I saw the same woman from before. She smiled and sat next to me on the bed, handing me a cup of tea and a pill. 

- Judging by your looks you're feeling better huh? This is a vitamin, so don't be afraid. I'm Irena, nice to meet you. 

“-H-hi..." Before I could say anything else the woman touched my forehead and smiled again. 

- Very good, it seems you're stable now. My man sure was worried when he brought you here, I have a girl your age and it seems he's not overprotective only of her.

Just then a young girl came in the room and laughed. 

- It makes me jealous you know.

Still confused, I managed to ask about where I was. 

- This is our place, mom is a nurse and dad is a policeman!

 Policeman? 

- When my hubby brought you you weren't even conscious dear, what happened to you was heartbreaking, thank God my darling is a man who naturally can't stand such things, he managed to help you before something worse had happened to you. You had no ID or phone on you, but he insisted that I help you out instead of someone at the hospital.

-Dad does things the quick way lol.

-And so you're at our place instead of the hospital.

" -T-thank you for your kindness... It seems your husband and father saved my life back there, and you ma'am helped me after he did."

 -It's our job to help dear, you're welcome.

 "- I don't mean to be rude or ungrateful but I think I should go now, you've helped me enough so I can't bother you anymore, besides, my family and employer still must be unaware of my location and situation."

- Don't worry about it, dad said he took care of that! The day after he brought you he went to work as usual, he had time to find you in the records and notified your family and boss.

"-Wow... I can't thank your family enough for what you did for me... a complete stranger..." Looking down, I kind of teared up, causing the girls in the room to give me a simultaneous hug.

- Don't cry dear, we're just happy we could help. This is what matters to our family, this is what we've taught Ann as well.

- Mom's right, you don't have to do anything, just be careful and take care of yourself more in the future.

"- I try... sometimes... but my family is nothing like yours..." I spent a good two hours with the mother and daughter combining their talents in reassuring, encouraging and comforting. I felt better, somehow. 

"- Again, thank you so much. I think it's time to go, but I'd like to thank my policeman hero too." 

- He somehow knew you'd want to do that, so he told us to invite you to the police station on his behalf. You could go sometime, but for now you should go home, Ann will talk to you on social media, right dear?

- Absolutely, you're a very talented writer by the way! I can say I’m a fan!

Ann turned her phone towards me, what I saw on the screen was nothing other than my blog.

"-H-how did you know it was mine???" 

Ann laughed.

- I've followed this blog for a long time, I just had to connect the dots to know it was you behind it,  dad taught me enough things about deduction~

"- Your family sure is something else..." 

The women smiled and shook my hand for goodbye. 

- Take care sweetheart, it was great meeting you!

"- Likewise ma'am. See you." I smiled and headed home, waving at the kind girls. When I got home and went through thorough interrogation, I went to my room and plopped on the bed. The fresh memories from the day started swimming in my mind. "-That man will be in trouble for sure, trying to attack a police officer after trying to molest a girl, what a psycho! I think you should file a restraining order too, just to be safe, dad can help you!" I thought about Ann's words. "She sure was something else. Smart, bold, and pretty like her mom, things I would like to be..." Ugh, no, no depressing thoughts yet, I need to call boss, take a shower, read something, get some more rest... It was already past midnight, but I couldn't fall asleep. I had too much on my mind. I thought and thought and thought... 

Ok I'm done, no sleep for me again... I reached for my phone and started reading manga. I don't know how much time passed as I didn't bother checking the clock that was literally just above the manga panels. But my peace was interrupted by a noise which came from the street, it was either someone shouting, or someone throwing stuff, it was quick so I couldn't figure out what it was.  When I looked out I saw a police car with a man leaning on it, talking on the phone. The street lights weren't that strong but just enough for me to be able to see the man's silhouette and his policeman uniform, his hair however, was a beautiful golden color... So pretty... Wait! It had to be him! A policeman with golden hair! Just like the one who saved me! Not having anything else to do I got dressed and went outside. But as soon as I stepped outside the apartment door I was grabbed forcefully and unexpectedly by something or someone. 

-Hehe, look what we've got here... You little trash sure caused me a lot of trouble... But luck seems to be on my side today! That means your luck has run out!

To my horror, I recognized the voice. It was the same as the other day, meaning I was in the same situation again... The same crazy molester had me in his grasp, not intending to let go. With his hand over my mouth I couldn't even say a thing, let alone scream for help. I connected the dots, the asshole probably escaped the police and somehow was now hiding in our building. Being unable to do anything else, I started crying. One of my hands was bent in a dangerous position, bones just waiting to snap in half. Just when desperation took over me again, I heard the sound of breaking glass, and and agonizing scream. In a few seconds my attacker was on the floor, bleeding. The automatic entryway lights, which had long gone out, turned on again after sensing the motion. 

- I've come for you.

 -Like hell I'm going to jail! I escaped you once, I'll do it again!

-I wasn't talking to you, scum. 

Still frozen, I heard a gunshot and another scream, it seems this helped me snap out of it, finally being able to turn around. Was I ready for the sight? No would be a weak word. There, in front of me, stood the most handsome, smart, strong, gentle, charming and perfect person in the whole world...

-Heh, you sure - Oh?

I didn't realize how I had fallen to my knees, mouth agape, sitting still on the floor, unable to believe my eyes. Tears were still streaming down my face, but the feelings of shock and horror were changed to pure disbelief. Whole words were unable to leave my mouth, and all I could mutter was quiet parts of words. The man in front of me squatted in front of me looking slightly confused. The processing of the information was quick but chaotic. My sobbing, which had become loud continued, and even though my tears blocked my vision partially, I could still see clearly... In one moment, not sure how exactly, but as if a cosmic ray of energy hit my body, somehow I jumped forward as if I was a spring, hugging the man in front of me. Still sobbing, my vice let out a loud sound wave, containing one name only...

Surprisingly, he didn't even try to move away from me, and being stronger than me he didn't even fall back from the impact, but instead hugged me and while standing up spun me around like in those overly dramatic movie scene clichés.

-It's okay now...

He spoke in a soft voice, stroking my hair with one hand, it's as if he was dealing with the child I felt like...

Somehow all could do was cry and hold onto him. It was as if everything had stopped. When I calmed down Nash led me out of the building for some fresh air and sat next to me. Hours passed, I'm not sure how many, all I remember was us talking, laughing, me crying again, the sun rising... the surroundings slowly becoming more and more visible. It was day. I had even forgotten about the attacker that was lying on the floor inside with a concussion and a hole in his body. All I know is that I remember him there. My everything. When I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes I knew it was time for him to go. I seemed to have understood it anyway. Not that I wanted him to go, but he had to.

-I will take care of the mess inside, but the mess inside of you you'll have to deal with on your own. Don't worry, you're never alone, me, your friends, The boss... There are many people who care about you, even if you don't always see it. And I’m there for you, ...

I couldn’t hear the rest for some reason.

“-I... “

-I know, I know.

With a kiss on the forehead and one last hug, Nash headed for the police car, carrying a grunting bloody man over his shoulder. Before driving off, Nash looked at me again and smiled.

“-Bye... “

As I was watching the car moving farther and farther, I sighed and headed towards my room again. “- Now I might need some sleep...”

When I woke up it was the next day. I was still half asleep when memories of that event hit me.

“-Oh... OH! WHAT?! “

Looking around in panic and confusion, I slapped my cheek to see if I was awake.

-ARE YOU KIDDING? IT WAS A DREAM?! I should've known...

Feeling kinda depressed, but mostly hungry, I got dressed and headed out.

“- I need to get breakfast...”

As I was nearing the front door of our apartment building I saw some brown stuff all over the floor.

“-Drunk people and their parties... Who knows what this is?...”

When I opened the door, I was greeted by police cars and spectators on the sidewalk. I went closer to see what was going on.

-...and is currently in our custody, so you have nothing to worry about. You can all return home.

The crowd started to disperse and I asked one officer about all this. But before he told me anything he turned to one of his colleagues and yelled: 

-This is the one!

Confused, I watched as a handsome golden haired policeman approached me.

- I'm glad you're alright, again! You can call me Nal, you've met my wife and daughter but not me!

“- It's you sir! It's safe to say I owe you my life! But what's going on here?...”

-Ah... You see, when I saved you from that guy I brought him to the station and locked him up for interrogation, but he escaped. Somehow we managed to find him hiding in this area and we even had to fire at him. The blood has yet to be cleaned...

“-That brown substance-!”

-Yeah, you must've seen it on your way out. We suspect he came here to finish the job. I need to inform you we might need you in court soon.

“- I see... “

A few weeks later I was getting ready to face that maniac again. Although it was bound to be safe this time, I wan't eager to go.

"I hope things work out..."

My thoughts were interrupted by mom's yelling.

-Are you ready yet? You need to go!

"You're never alone..." With a sigh I put my shoes on and opened the door, only to see my escort was a familiar golden haired policeman who had saved me more than once now. He smiled at me and said...

-I've come for you...

[kinetic-elaboration]

April 19: Thoughts on 1x11 We Are Grounders Pt 1

It’s late, I’m all upside down, and I just reread some of my old meta so I’m thinking about how Smart I am and also how bitter I am about this show. So here’s more of my rewatch!

Today’s episode, We Are Grounders Part One

I wonder if Jaha was so quick to throw up his hands and walk away from the DNR group in S4 because, especially prior to what was basically a religious conversion, he has a similarly strong death instinct himself. I’m not saying he didn’t do everything he could in favor of survival many times, but honestly how many other times has he been like ‘well, okay, tried everything, time to die’? Like compared to other characters? I’m not saying he actively wants to die so much as that he is more comforted than the average bear by the possibility of a ‘good death.’ (Also I think this has a lot to do with having lost his son tbqh.)

Note to self: someone I’m assuming is a station rep referred to her constituents.

An incredibly bleak but fitting ending for this show would have been to kill the Ark in S1 and then to have the delinquents and grounders kill each other in an escalating S2 war. It would have fulfilled certain foreshadowings/themes of the first season (all the war escalation stuff, the nuclear-age throwbacks) and it also would have been an appropriate ending for all these truly terrible, morally rotten people.

Literally Jaha v. Kane is Jasper v. everyone else (or at least, like, Clarke and Monty) in S4. Truly this show ran out of original ideas after 2 seasons, see again my previous point lol.

Speaking of Jasper there is my angular boy.

There is nothing about the delinquent camp I don’t like. Raven in like a council-level position, ish, Bellamy’s speeches and blatant emotion, everyone’s outfits.

I completely forgot Tristan existed.

I also forgot how many fake out main character deaths this show used to do. Abby, Finn. Can’t get away with that 4 seasons in. The audience knows anyone important is getting a real death scene.

Omg Bellamy has a whole like war plan with little figures and stuff.

Bellamy has this reputation for being all emotion and I think that’s him at heart but ignoring Clarke, Monty, and Finn’s disappearance is a logic-based decision. A sort of...overcompensatory logic-based decision. Also not in line with the show’s morality, like, at all. Hence why he drops it later.

Yet again impressed by how Jasper managed to change more than any other character over 4 seasons while still remaining IC. Even young and comparatively innocent he could be snarky and sarcastic and he also was honest and straightforward in his confrontation with Bellamy, and he kept on being all of those things later, but with bitterness and bite.

Murphy (having just obviously suffocated a boy): He stopped breathing. I was trying to help him. Jasper (nodding slowly): Yep, sounds about right, totally legit, lots of evidence that that is what went down. Yep.

Also I’m like 99% this ep is basically their last canon interaction so btw this was the end of what is absolutely, canonically (see the pilot and the Pike-class flashback) a same-station-forged friendship. And probably also explains why Murphy’s reaction to Jasper’s death was like ‘Jasper who???’ though that doesn’t make it any less an unforgivable sin.

There’s nothing not perfect about this scene overall, but the most perfect thing is “Tell Bellamy what?” coming from Jasper’s pocket. I love both that he tried to be sneaky and the comedic value of it.

TWO HEADED HORSE TWO HEADED HORSE TWO HEADED HORSE.

Lincoln was criminally underused. He not only saved Finn and Clarke, he “killed one of his own people to do it.” This isn’t about Octavia. He’s just been looking for an excuse to rebel his whole life.

Jackson’s being so lovely and supportive and Abby’s still calling him by his last name. Knowing this show they probably forgot it was his last name.

Today’s reminder that Octavia likes literally 4 people in the universe lol. And one of them was Jasper. Until the show forgot about that too but whatever not bitter.

RE: Raven getting in under the floor. I’m thinking about my fic and my work around for opening the dropship from the outside and okay on the one hand if such a device existed, Raven would probably know about it as much as Monty but on the other hand, there has to be a way to close the dropship from the outside, because it’s closed in S3 and there’s no one in it. So logically it should open from the outside too, without recourse to loose panels and stuff. So maybe I was a little, like, short-cut-y in my solution but the show is not consistent so we’re even. (We’re not even but I’m self-conscious now.)

Bellamy talking on the walkie with Murphy might honestly be the most beautiful he’s ever been.

Legit question: who do the Grounders battle? They have this coalition, with like Ambassadors and shit. Which doesn’t mean they can’t battle each other but there’s also some diplomacy going on, like, clearly. Which should make battling less necessary, one would think. And even if they do battle each other, over fucking what??? Land? Literally never seen solid evidence that land boundaries matter to them. Shits and giggles? Bragging rights? They have an enemy in Mount Weather but Lincoln sure as shit wasn’t fighting battles against them.

T100 drinking game: take a shot any time says ‘cauterize the wound. Take two if they actually cauterize a wound.

“We lost Clarke, we can’t lose Bellamy too” is probably the first indication literally anywhere in the show that anyone acknowledges Clarke as an delinquent leader.

I miss the Raven + Jasper dream team. Tbh Raven has so few people who can appreciate her professionally. It’s literally Monty, Wick for a hot second, and Jasper (even though his skills aren’t the same as hers, they fit with hers nicely).

I miss my alternate universe where Jasper lives but becomes pacifistic in nature, where he abandons this ‘give me something to shoot through’ attitude and eschews the use of weaponry entirely.

I don’t think this show is 40% as badass or sick as it makes itself out to be but every now and then it lives up to that ideal. I mean this extended psychological torture sequence in which Murphy makes Bellamy hang himself is super fucked up.

The young Jaha and Griffin families were adorable.

“If you were never [in the tunnels] how did you map [them]?” / “Spoils of war.” I realize this is probably just quick plot-hole filling but nevertheless I sense a story here.

The Reapers were also a sick and twisted invention of this show. I feel like in S2 it was pretty clear that the Reapers were given dead bodies to feed on, so either I’m wrong/the Mount Weatherians were more efficient in their use of their limited resource of Sky People bodies versus Grounder bodies/the show has bad continuity/that living dude in the cart is an outlier/some combo of the above.

“The Eastern Sea” lol. The Chesapeake probably.

I never cared for Luna but she could have been cool and also she and Lincoln are ex’s pry this headcanon from my cold, dead hands.

I’m pretty sure Finn pounding in the Reaper’s head was his first kill. Would his S2 story be possible without that moment?

“They look up to you. Almost as much as they look up to Clarke.” Okay I’m sorry, this is just textually, canonically wrong. This is the show retconning Clarke’s position as a leader. And it’s so unnecessary! Her story line works better if she isn’t positioned as the main delinquent leader, imo. Like, lines like that are outliers that don’t make sense within the universe; they’re obviously outwardly pointed: here audience, Clarke is protag 1 and Bellamy is protag 2 and she’s the REAL leader, don’t forget that order! If you do, you might occasionally question her leadership credentials later, when we lazily write everyone just following her regardless of their actual interactions with her or the most recent developments of her storyline! (Not that I think they were already setting up the laziness of S4 this early, but I do think they were tipping the hand of their own biases and their inability to tell the difference between what’s going on in-universe and what the audience sees and understands.)

On the other hand “Well I think the princess is dead, but I know the king’s about to die, so who’s really going to lead these people, huh?” is a good line and I do like positioning Bellamy as king (of these people specifically) versus Clarke as a princess (of the Ark--an old position based on a class background that is irrelevant to their current society).

Lol @ Murphy’s plans being delinquent-domination though. Like that was going to happen.

Actually I think Finn’s S2 story line is created in the moment when he washes the blood off his hands: he’s killed, which changed him, and Clarke comforts him in that critical moment, and he comes to associate her with that event and its aftermath. He also says “I should have fought for you,” which I see as this...hard to describe but like...the creation of a devotion beyond what he’s so far felt. Not that he loves her more but that he’s convinced himself he loves her more, that she can save him in some way, that she is necessary to him. He has a lot of idealistic notions and I think this narrative gets created within him with Clarke at its center and everything else gets blurred out. Or something.

This Jasper and Bellamy scene is the best because it combines two things I love: Jasper’s hero-worship crush on Bellamy, and Jasper’s intense devotion to Monty. I’m a little sorry that Clarke and Finn’s return/these loser Grounders robbed us of a Bellamy and Jasper rescue mission though.

I guess it’s possible Bellamy said “Whatever the hell we want” all the time but really I think it was just the one time and the writers have already forgotten that Jasper never heard him say it omg sometimes I just want to knock their heads together their memories are such shit. (Yes I’m also bitter about Jasper’s pilot outfit returning out of nowhere in S4 and Clarke wearing his intact goggles in S5 even though he already smashed the plastic out of the lenses sometime in S3.)

Poor Jasper. He thinks Monty’s come back with them. He barely even has time to process that disappointment before they start debating whether or not they should leave.

Basically I have a lot of Jasper feelings.

Bellamy’s speech is better than Clarke’s. Come on Griffin, never start with ‘my opponent is right’ that’s a bad rhetorical move. I also find it intensely unrealistic that they’re all like ‘yes, Clarke, we will do what you say!’ when, I cannot emphasize this enough, she has literally never led them before. All of her leader decisions have been strictly BTS. Her only real advantage here is that they know they have no gunpowder and few other resources, so it’s probably just a straight up fear-flight.

“Crowds make bad decisions. Leaders do what they think is right.” I mean basically the theme of the show there lol.

I’m going to rant about this next time I watch but just gonna say here that Clarke is definitely, unequivocally, ultimately wrong in this and Bellamy was right. They should have stayed. People literally died because Clarke tried to take them out when she shouldn’t have.

The camp doesn’t look like I expect or picture in my head...where are their tents? How much land did they claim?

I remember watching this the first time and thinking Jaha’s plan to get them to the ground on the Ark itself was the outright coolest thing I’d ever see and you know what? It holds up. I stand by it.