#the block men have leaked into my everyday thoughts
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applepixls · 2 months ago
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hey guys. have you heard of hadestown.
(its a musical that meshes the myths of orpheus & eurydice and hades & persephone)
orpheus is a naive (sorta sheltered?) bard who acts on his whims while eurydice is a realistic and tough girl who's doing all she can to survive
hades is king of the underworld and keeps persephone there a lot of the year meaning there's a lot of winter up above
now hear me out.
3rd life.
scar as orpheus, grian as eurydice.
wedding song as scar proposing they take over the desert, the second verse being grian suggesting they take the dark oak. now, imagine all I've ever known as a dark night dancing in the desert not to mention, "its a sad tale, its a tragedy" (bonus: in a gathering storm eurydice calls for orpheus and he isn't there because he's off writing his song, narratively similar to grian calling for scar in double life when everyone was digging around for their sugar cane while scar was off accidentally lighting the place on fire and petting the jellie pandas)
extra bonus ideas:
persephone sounds like bdubs? like, listen to livin' it up on top. the gritty voice/singing and all her attitude (/pos) and some of the lyrics "who makes the summer sun shine bright?/thats right! persephone!" (he was the esmp2 sun god!) she sort of reminds me of the vibe bdubs gave off when he was ren the king's guy in s9 (my impression was he was kinda frantically running around at ren's whim, its not at all the same with hades and persephone but there's the sort of obeying a king thing)
leading me to my next thought of ren as hades. someone i was listening with said "winter has come" which made me think of "red winter is coming" dfhj
but another thought is just the last life ethubs divorce? seems very relevant with bdubs persephone parallels
also in hey little song bird hades refers to eurydice as a canary and we all know whos a canary
hermes (conductor of the train on the road to hell) and the fates play a narrator type role except hermes is more explicit while the fates are the humming in the back of your head they weave the path of how everything goes and you cant defy them
martyn throughout all the series is a sort of nomadic no solid home kinda guy and always self aware (he makes the lore-) which connects him to hermes for me but at the same time the fates are very much watcher/listener things so like bigb and martyn? (i don't know the lore sorry lol) i'd also say that somehow impulse's littlefinger flip floppy triple double agent character in third life gives a vibe like he knows whats going on in all the groups also connecting him to them for me
(i will say scar could fit hermes as well in being a sort of travelling sales person in last life and a bit in double life? also I've read dirges in the dark which means i see him and the devil and making deals with complicated clauses as very interconnected)
my final note (and being a devils advocate)
scar could also parallel hades.
if you watch his perspective he's very happygolucky and doesn't seem to get the real weight of the situation and such but from other perspectives his and grians deal seems kinda like he's had grian sign away his soul or he's kidnapped grian and there's some stockholm syndrome happening (its actually grians guilt but i digress)
hades convinces eurydice (scar is a silver tongued man) to sign away her soul to him and also the story of hades and persephone is that he kidnaps her and she eats some pomegranite and has to stay in the underworld for part of the year
sooo yeah. paralells between hadestown and 3rd life/life series. enjoy.
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saturnspecials · 2 years ago
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Flower Boy Ch. 2
Hi! It’s here! Chapter 2! I’m sorry it’s a bit short and awkward- writers block and short attention span and all that! I hope you like it and be patient with me as i figure out how to write dialogue decently haha :) enjoy!
In the days before travelling to Cairnholm, I had called ahead to ask if there was anywhere I could stay for a few nights upon my immediate arrival. There was one small room you could pay for, inside a tavern called the Priest Hole. Looking at the worn down building now, it’s hard to imagine any man who called himself holy residing here. The din of the downstairs tavern leaks through the damp wood and cracked windows, an unsavoury type of noise. Staring at the building fills me with a deep longing to return to Montreal, to leave the stories I was told as a young child, and simply disappear into the everyday life there. 
“Merde!” I spit the cuss at the dingy looking dorway, before heaving my bags back into my hands and trudging inside. The inside is not much better than the outside, with the added bonus of a permeating smell of fish and booze. Striding my way up to the barkeep, I do my best to keep from brushing against any of the men who crowd the dimly lit room. 
“Bonjour, hello.” I called out to the barkeep. He gave me a once over, barely seeming to keep in a scoff.
“What do you want, boy?”
“I called a few days ago, asking about a room for a few nights. I have the money for you here if it is still available?”
The man snatches the bills from my hand, thumbing through them while keeping a suspicious eye on me.
Once finished, he grunts out a sound of acknowledgement and starts his way up the stairs. I follow. The upstairs of the building is in better shape than the downstairs, but it hasn’t managed to escape the sickening smell of liquor. After a brief struggle to knock the poorly fitting door out of its frame, the man hands me a key. 
“My name is Kev. This is your only key, don’t lose it. Downstairs is the only place on the island you can find food. Don’t cause a mess.” With that he pressed the small key into my hand and lumbered back down the steps. 
I glance after him before entering the dingy room. I go to shut the door behind me, just to find it jammed. I sigh and push a bit harder, but it remains stuck fast. I push my shoulder into the door just above the knob and it finally shutters closed. I stay leaning against the wood for a moment before huffing out a sigh. It’s barely past noon and my body is already begging me to collapse onto the grungy white sheets of the bed and sleep. I sweep my hand through my hair and begin to settle in.
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Roughly an hour later, I find myself standing uncomfortably in front of the bar. I hold my satchel, carrying my journal and a few other things. I glance briefly at the path marked in red on a map of the island Mémé had tucked inside her journal before setting off away from the town. I know from the map and what Mémé had written that my destination was closer than the actual children’s home. The building would simply appear destroyed and hollow if I approach it here in the present. 
The walk is simple and soon enough, I reach the entrance to the Cairn and the loop. I peer into the damp entry before placing my foot gingerly on the slick rock, heart speeding up with the action.
Breathe.
I suck in a breath before launching my full body inside the cave. I stand stock still as time itself warps around me, before stumbling backwards quickly. I peer back at the cave, uneasy about how the walls seem to reach out to swallow me. 
I don’t spare a second glare at the Cairn, and instead turn and hurry off towards the road. I find my heart calming as I get further from the cave, and eventually push the thought of it to the back of my mind. As the roof of the home comes into sight over the trees, I can’t help the giddy smile that slips onto my face.
I’m here. Finally here.
I basically trip up the steps to the door in my excitement, only to find myself face to face with a woman. 
“Y/N L/N, I presume?”
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obiwhat · 4 years ago
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Hey! I've been reading one of your fics and I kinda felt the need to request one! Your writing is so good! If it's levi/erwin is up to you, but that is the ship I'm usually going with 😍🙃
My rec is; Levi is acting out after his squad is killed (Petra, Eld, Gunter and Oulo/Auro? Ouro? I don't even know anymore-) in the way of how he would let out steam in the underground. He goes out drinking and instigates a fight, intentionally or subconsciously, and ends up getting overpowered by a group of men, probably because of his drunkenness and perhaps because of the injured ankle he sustained after the meeting with the female titan. His injuries after the fight are significant and eventually, he's found in an alleyway (or something), by Erwin who's been worried about his mental state (cause obviously, Levi has been trying to hide it, all though rather poorly), and takes care of him.
I hope this isn't too specific 😅 I take requests myself and appreciate people being as thorough as possible. If not; take whatever you like and run with ut 😄😄
AHH THANK YOU FOR SUCH A DETAILED ASK!! good stuff right here^^ big brain moves^^
Fix You: 
(AO3)
(warning: language, violence, a bit of a emetophobia and drinking ofc)
His heart ached. 
It spread through his chest into every limb of his body, to the point where the horrible throbbing from his ankle felt like a slight ache in comparison.
Every time Levi lost someone, it broke away a little piece of him. Even though he’d never let it see the surface, there were several cracks underneath. When he found his squad; bloody, with limbs dangling from trees and branches, it broke off another rather large piece. 
These were people he had trained closely. Erwin had trusted him enough to assign him a special leadership role in the Scouts and a special operations squad to suit it. When he trained them, he had drilled it into their heads everyday not to die. He gave them every bit of his knowledge on how to survive in the shitty world they had to endure.
He wasn’t a leader. He never had been. Unfortunate people just tended to follow behind him. Levi never knew the right thing to say or how to express what he was thinking, but his squad had still learned quickly. They were smart and skillful and he was… proud of them. Truly.
And their blood still painted that forest floor.
Levi knocked back another shot, numbing the pain for a moment longer. A fleeting escape from the horrors that crept into his mind yet again that night. He was dangling off of his bar stool as he slouched forward even further with his shoulders barely holding his head up. He flagged down the waiter for another round.
It wasn’t exactly clear what had driven him to the rougher side of town, to drown himself in shitty booze. It had a lot to do with his hands, which he refused to look down at. Every time he did, he saw red. Dark crimson. The blood of his comrades. Paired with the echo of radiating pain from his ankle. A pain, he felt, was well deserved.
He wasn’t even supposed to be walking on it, as much as possible at least. Hanji had given him grief about going to an actual doctor for the pain and the swelling. At the moment, he couldn’t find the will to care. As long as he could shove it into his boot and stumble his way into a bar for the night, then he was fine by his standards.
He downed another shot of whiskey, barely feeling the burn in the back of his throat any longer. The room spun, he huffed out a broken laugh quietly under his breath. It’d been years since he’d drank himself to this pathetic point. Not since the underground. Or maybe not since Farlan and…
He threw back the next shot and took in a sharp breath as he stubbornly blocked the memory from surfacing. His eyelids shut tightly as he tried to remove the thoughts of his failures from his mind. All the people he’d failed to protect. Despite his overwhelming strength. 
Humanity’s strongest soldier… 
What a load of bullshit.
He flagged down the bartender once more and asked for the whole damn bottle, slurring his words to the point of near incomprehension. The bartender didn’t seem to mind. Money was money. Even if his patrons drank themselves into a ditch. That’s how it went in these parts of town. Money was the only language anyone spoke, because money was the only way anyone could make it through the day.
It reminded him of home.
He slammed down his money and swiped the bottle from the counter, the bar spun wildly as he stood on his feet again. Levi had nearly forgotten about his injury, the sudden shift of weight onto his ankle sent him stumbling a bit. He hissed in pain, but only responded with another pull of the whiskey, straight from the bottle.
As the chilled night breeze hit him, Levi felt a sudden wave of disgust. It was the smell of sewage and grime. These alleyways were radiating with it. Swaying a bit, Levi grabbed out blindly for purchase. His palm found a brick wall, covered in something sticky. He winced, pain shooting up his leg as the alleyway walls spun dizzyingly around him.
The pain was welcome. In fact, he’d decided he didn’t deserve the numbness that the whiskey brought. He should feel it all. He’d gotten his comrades killed. Again. He wanted to feel something. To hit something.
Levi’s chance was walking down the other side of the alleyway, feet dragging confidently through the sludge of the streets. A group of men walking together, talking irritatingly loud in contrast to the quiet night streets Levi had enjoyed before.
“Haha! He was dumber than he looked!” One hollered confidently.
“What’d you expect from a son of a whore?” A burly man spit as he laughed, his dull voice echoing through the alleyway. He was obviously somewhat of a leader to them.
His last word perked Levi’s attention. He gripped his whiskey bottle tightly in one hand, nearly busting it into pieces.
“That’s a choice word there.” Levi lazily brought up a shaky finger, along with the whiskey bottle, to point in the direction of the burly man. Or at least where he thought he was. His vision was dancing.
The leader laughed a grating chuckle and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What is, you drunk idiot? You got a problem with the word whore?” 
“I gotta problem with your shit leaking face.” 
Levi growled out his words with a half cocked smirk, looking much like a wild animal in the dark of the alleyway. Although his threatening appearance was subdued by the fact that he could barely balance on his feet, without the help of the wall nearby.
“Haha!” The man belly-laughed once more, drawing near, his companions followed closely behind him. 
“You got some guts, short stuff. Got the chops to back that shit up?”
The leader rolled back his sleeves, his friends followed suit. They were all geared up to fight him. Levi laughed hollowly in the dark. A sick, empty, laugh influenced by the whiskey fueling his veins.
He swung hard at the burly man, a bit surprised to have connected with his jaw. Levi could barely see straight at this point. A hit was coming from his left, which he barely dodged sluggishly before grabbing the man’s arm with the hand that wasn’t still gripping his whiskey. He twisted it, breaking the man’s wrist.
Levi took a slow swig of the whiskey before he caught a glimpse of something shiny out of the corner of his eye, coming from his right. Someone had pulled a knife. Interesting.
It didn’t quite register properly until the next man lunged at him and he barely had the chance to grip his hand before the knife could plunge into his chest. This new face looked angry. Angrier that Levi had felt about the burly man’s comment. The cause of this chosen chaos. In fact, Levi wasn’t feeling much anger at all over this fight. 
The knife drew closer and closer. Levi managed to smack it away, not a moment too soon. The sound of metal crossing the stone ground echoed over the heavy breathing of the group. Levi had placed a heavy weight on his ankle with his last move causing a bit of a wince to unconsciously form on his face. Before he could register what had happened, he felt an even more crippling shock ripple through his entire leg. 
He gasped suddenly, vision darkening.
The whiskey bottle hit the ground, spilling the burgundy liquid all over the stone floor. Glass shards scattered all around.
The man had kicked him, hard, in his wounded leg. Right where he’d shoved his bruised, aching flesh into his boot. Levi’s legs gave out beneath him and his knees connected with the stone below with a loud thud. His palms hit glass in front of him as he could barely hold himself upright.
His head was spinning, swirling, and darkening his vision around the edges as he knew nothing but white hot pain for what felt like an eternity.
“I knew it! He’s got a bum leg!” The man who’d pulled the knife shouted gleefully to the remaining members of the crew. 
He must’ve noticed Levi’s wince from before. The man sent another crack into Levi’s wounded leg, sending ripples of agony through his entire body. It sobered him to another level fairly quickly. The other men were getting to their feet again as Levi quivered on the ground in pain, gripping his palms into glass and whiskey.
Everything was dark around him as another anticipated strike came through, this one connected harshly with his ribs. There was a deafening crack of bone. There was nothing he could do but wait for the next impact. He couldn’t help but yell out in pain as the agony overwhelmed him. Levi nearly passed out as his head hit the cold stone, whiskey and grime covering one side of his face.
With the side of his face, not plastered to the ground, Levi could spot more legs swinging, connecting with his side, and more sounds of shouting. He couldn’t tell if the shouting was his own anymore. He couldn’t feel much of anything anymore, everything was fading out slow. He was fading. 
There were six faces dancing around above him in his hazy vision. His head pounded as he tried desperately to get a grip on his consciousness.
Had there always been six of them? Or were they doubling from his drunken, wounded stupor? They all swirled into a confusing mess of faces. Ugly, contorted, swirling faces. He felt sick.
Another shock connected with his ribs. He heard another sickening crack over their laughs and hollers before his vision finally graced him with complete and utter darkness.
Another dead end and no sign of the captain. 
At some point he was going to have to send out a missing report. Erwin was hoping it wouldn’t have to come to that, but after hours of scouring the near entirety of the city and finding nothing, he was beginning to accept the facts. Levi was missing.
Missing. Out of bed. Injured.
Erwin remembered when he first saw Levi’s leg after the expedition. He’d only caught a glimpse when Hanji was looking him over. It was horribly bruised and swollen, raw. A part of him blamed himself, he’d sent the captain to fight the female titan. Yet again, Levi had sacrificed a part of himself for humanity. His wounded leg was a sacrifice, but Erwin knew there were much heavier weights on him, paining him deeper than flesh would show.
This small section of town was not one he expected to find Levi in. It was full of filth and squalor. A familiar sight to that of the underground. Something he’d assumed Levi would never return to willingly. 
A chill was in the air. Cool breeze passed on the outside of his hood as Erwin pulled it over his eyes. He turned into what he assumed was one of the last streets he hadn’t checked yet. There was a group of men who had just left an alleyway quickly, Erwin noticed a bit of blood on their clothes and faces, not exactly a shock in this part of town.
One man was gripping at his wrist and complaining loudly as they passed Erwin by. 
“Piece of shit broke my wrist!” He cried out and kicked a stone on the ground irritatedly.
“Be glad it wasn’t your neck, I bet he would’ve been a lot more dangerous if his leg wasn’t busted. I think he was trained or something. Did you see the way…” Their conversation trailed off as they disappeared around a corner. 
Erwin was no longer listening, he was more focused on a particular phrase in their conversation.
Busted leg? Erwin thought for a moment, fearing the worst in the back of his mind. It couldn’t be…
The commander broke into a quicker pace, sweat dripping nervously down the back of his neck as he followed the alleyway, where the men had come from. It was dark and smelled of filth, blanketed in whiskey. There was glass covering the ground as he walked further, he could hear it crunch underneath his boots with each step.
Out of the corner of his eye, Erwin caught a glimpse of black dress shoes. A body lay slumped up against the brick wall of the alley. A head of dark hair, shadowing a pale and bloody face. 
Levi.
Erwin kneeled down quickly and placed a warm hand on his shoulder, attempting to rouse him gently. His body was shaking horribly, covered in his own blood and the scent of whiskey. 
“Levi…? Please.” Erwin winced as his voice died in his throat. “Say something. Are you alright?”
There was no response. Erwin pushed his dark locks out of his eyes to get a better view of his face. The blood he’d spotted earlier was dripping from his lips which made him immediately check his torso for wounds. He couldn’t find any blood, but when he lifted his shirt carefully, he spotted it. 
Erwin had looked emotionlessly at many wounds before, but this made him winced in sympathy. Seeing black and blue paint the side of Levi’s porcelain, perfect skin made him want to run and find those men from before. But no. Levi was the most important thing right now and he had injured himself even worse than before. 
The thought over his previous injury crossed Erwin’s mind as he hesitantly lifted Levi’s pant leg. If the bruising on his torso was dark, his leg looked like the night sky. His bruises were black and dark purple, spiraling their way up to his knee. The flesh was swollen and warm to the touch when Erwin hovered his hand above it nervously.
How did this happen? Why was Levi here in the first place? He smelled heavily of alcohol, it was probably what was covering his clothes and turning his cheeks pink. Had he come here to get drunk? To start a fight in an alleyway? 
It would be very uncharacteristic of him. But, of course, finding him here in the first place was very uncharacteristic. He wasn’t himself. He hadn’t been for some time now.
Without time to spare, Erwin pulled his cloak off of his shoulders and wrapped Levi’s broken, shivering form. He frowned as he watched the man continue to shake harshly despite the warmth of the cloth. He hadn’t even noticed Erwin’s presence, unusually unalert and dazed.
“It’ll be alright Levi. I’m here now.” His hands hovered over his chest. He’d have to carry him back. “I have to lift you. Please endure it for a moment, we’re not too far from my house.”
Erwin scooped him off of the filthy stone floor and into his warm hold as carefully as he could muster. Levi moaned in pain in his embrace, Erwin pulled him tighter against his chest as he brought them out of the dark alleyway and back into the light.
A bath was in order. Erwin knew Levi inside and out. He knew he wouldn’t be too keen on waking up smelling like alcohol and blood. He’d be better if he was cleaned up a bit and his wounds were wrapped. Erwin was determined to fix this. To fix him.
He laid Levi’s still, unconscious body carefully into his bathtub, kneeling beside him and washing off the dirt and the blood from his face with a cool rag. He was so delicate with him, like he was handling fragile glass.
Erwin surprised even himself with how carefully he guided the rag across Levi’s broken skin. He wasn’t used to being this careful and soft. War and death had all but stripped him of these qualities. But not with Levi. With Levi, he was different.
It had been a struggle carrying the captain back, with his wounds being so extensive. However, Erwin had made it to his house in record time without much unconscious complaint from the shivering form in his arms. He had been light. Far too light for Erwin’s liking. 
He tried to ignore the way Levi’s collar bones stuck out slightly as he washed away soap and the whiskey smell with the soft scrub. Erwin couldn’t bear to glance at the curious patterns of bruises over Levi’s thin body or the way his chest rose and fell with a heavy struggle. He just continued to wash away the soap and water.
Erwin scooped a bit of water into his palms and washed it through Levi’s hair, watching as the last of the blood and whiskey found its way down the drain. As the water trickled through his dark hair, down the back of his neck, Levi stirred a bit but never opened his eyes.
“E-Erwin…” Levi breathed through his words, dazed and unaware of his own incoherent mumbles.
“I’m here, Levi.” Erwin gripped his slender hand tight and ran his other across the man’s creased forehead. “I’m right here. You’re alright.”
“No…” Levi mumbled, voice breaking as his eyes pinched together tighter. “Can’t leave me… Not you… too…”
“I won’t leave you Levi... I promise.” 
Such promises were foolhardy in the work they did, but Erwin couldn’t stop himself from making it. He couldn’t stand the way his captain cried out in pain and heartbreak, it was worse than any gruesome scene he’d witnessed. 
Levi leaned into his touch as Erwin cupped his palms around his cheeks and kissed his forehead gently. He didn’t know exactly what possessed him to do so, but it seemed to cause some relief from his captain so he allowed it. 
Once he was clean, dry and warming up again, Erwin took him to his warm bed to rest finally. He dressed his wounds carefully, glad to see that Levi was finally resting somewhat peacefully. He hoped he could now sense his presence at least. To know he wasn’t alone tonight.
Erwin was concerned with the heat radiating from Levi’s ankle as he wrapped it. He was determined to get Levi to an actual doctor in the morning to look everything over. He would command him this time, to ensure he actually did so. For now, he placed a cool rag on the man’s forehead just in case a fever began, which was entirely likely.
He was in rough shape. Erwin had been lucky to find him when he did. 
What if he hadn’t? Would he have caught his death in the chilled night? Or slept on the cold stone ground, injured and alone?
Erwin couldn’t understand Levi’s behavior. It wasn’t like him in the slightest. He was usually so level headed and composed. It made the commander ache to think that this sacrifice had made the man fall so low.
A dark ceiling was spiraling above him. One that seemed vaguely familiar. His head hurt too much to even try to deduce where the hell he was. There was a cool cloth placed on his brow, wrappings covered his ribs, palms, and leg, his shirt was missing.
All this spinning was aggravating.
He was going to be sick. 
Levi crumbled off the side of the bed, hardly making it to the floor as his legs refused to hold him. His body was broken, defeated, exhausted beyond belief. A dizzying roll to his stomach made him clutch it in pain. There was a waste bin by the bed frame which he gratefully and regrettably clutched to his chest.
For a moment, nothing happened. He wished it would, feeling unbelievably nauseous and confused. But he could do nothing to help himself rather than sitting there, shakily clutching the bin.
“Levi…” A familiar whisper found him in the dark. 
He jumped and lashed out with a blind strike that hit nothing but air. Erwin’s hand gripped his wrist softly and lowered it, slow. “It’s just me. You’re here with me, at my house.”
Levi’s chest collapsed in breath as he winced again and dry heaved into the bin. Nothing had come from it. He hadn’t eaten enough. He hadn’t eaten much at all… Since… 
Blood… Everywhere… 
He dry heaved again, gripping the bin with white knuckles. Erwin rubbed soft circles on his back. The familiar touch was welcome despite the circumstances.
“You haven’t been eating, have you?” He asked, quiet so as to not upset Levi further.
Levi didn’t respond. Not because he was unable, but because he simply did not want to. It was pointless. He couldn’t have stomached food. Not while looking at the blood on his hands as he chowed down. Not while his comrades were left bloody in those damn woods.
He slid the bin to the ground and brought his knees into his chest despite the pain it caused him. Levi rubbed cruel circles into his thigh as his wound echoed agony through his entire leg.
He heard Erwin inhale deeply. 
“Levi… Why were you…? You can’t just do something like this. What if I hadn’t found you?”
“How did… you… find me?” Levi coughed slightly as his breath caught in his injured chest. 
Something deep inside him almost wished Erwin hadn’t found him at all. He shut it away.
“I came to your room to check on you.” Erwin explained, sounding uncharacteristically nervous. “You weren’t there, so I went looking at your regular spots.”
Levi faced his head towards his chest and buried his face deeper, to try to escape this. He wanted to escape again. It was all too much.
“I didn’t think you’d be in the bar district. It was the last place I tried looking.” 
He’s been looking for me all night then. 
What an idiot.
“Why were you there, Levi?” His voice turned soft, a tone that only Levi had probably ever heard from the man. Something sacred between them.
“Why do you think?” Levi’s tone was more venomous than he intended. If his head wasn’t pounding, he might’ve corrected himself.
“I was worried about you.” Erwin maintained that soft voice despite Levi’s defensive nature. He placed a hesitant hand on the injured man’s knee. 
“With everything going on, I can’t lose you too. I need you.”
He needs me, huh? 
Why?
Levi hadn’t realized he’d asked it aloud. 
“Why?” Erwin repeated his words back to him, looking damaged by the question. “Because…”
The words caught in his throat, at a loss for the right phrasing.
“You’re important to me. To humanity.”
Humanity…
It all feels like a bad joke…
What part of humanity am I even helping if everyone around me gets killed?
“Why’d you even let me train a squad? I just got them all murdered…” Levi felt his chest hitch. 
“Their blood… Erwin…”
He finally risked a glance at his shaking hands and clenched his fists so hard he thought his fingernails might draw blood from his flesh.
“It’s all over my hands.”
Erwin was silent. Without his drawing of breath nearby, Levi wouldn’t have known he was even still there with him. But he was, he knew Erwin would never leave him alone right now.
“No matter how many times I scrub them…” He swallowed a wave of nausea as he could see the red start to blanket his palms again. He felt insane. “I can't clean the blood off.”
Suddenly, large warm fingers wrapped around his slender hands, steadying them for him.
“I can't either.” 
Erwin’s voice was hoarse in the dark. He rubbed a thumb across the back of Levi’s hand softly, despite the pain in his voice.
“I’m sorry.” His words soothed something deep inside Levi’s aching chest. “We’ll never be able to wipe this blood away.”
Levi released a captive breath, leaning forward into Erwin’s chest despite the burning in his ribs. Erwin could soothe it. He could soothe this pain. Even just by a fraction. Levi sunk into him with fatigue in his bones.
“It reminds us of their sacrifice. What they did for humanity. What we will continue to do for humanity, with their strength fueling our fight.”
Humanity… Humanity’s Strongest… 
Never strong enough to save anyone important though… 
No one really needs me… Especially not like this… 
Broken…
“Stop. You’ll regret it.” His deep voice was stern now. A command from years ago. A call back to reality. “You were a good leader to them. They did their duty well. Perfectly.”
“Don’t—” Levi’s voice caught in his throat.
“You taught them well. They were able to live as long as they did only because of you. Because of what they learned from their time with you.” Erwin brushed a hand through his hair softly and held him closer. “You did well by them. They were proud to die under your last command, I can promise you that.”
Levi wanted to argue, to refuse this, but he couldn’t find the strength behind words just yet. He could only be held tightly by his commander and hear his voice next to his ear.
“I saw the way they looked up to you. Worshipped you in some cases. Loved you in others. They would not do this if you weren’t worthy of it.” He pressed further. “Just the idea of you makes our soldiers confident in a future of freedom. It’s not just your physical capabilities, Levi. It’s the strength within you as well. That is why you’re important.”
He meant it. He meant every damn word. Levi had never heard someone speak so passionately about another person. With such vigor and honesty. It made his heart clench painfully in his broken chest.
“You have to continue. For them.” He whispered in Levi’s ear now, soft and comforting. “For me, as well. I need you, most of all.”
Tears finally found their way onto Levi’s cheeks, eyes turning red in irritation. He cursed himself and crumbled in Erwin’s arms completely. 
“God it hurts… It hurts all over.” He couldn’t tell if he was talking about the pain in his heart or the pain in his body. It didn’t really matter as Erwin caressed him softly and made it fade for just a moment.
Erwin didn’t numb him like the alcohol had. He allowed him to feel, to cry, to express. And he held him tightly through it all.
Until the morning sun rose, finding them fast asleep in each other's embrace on the wooden floor. Soft rays of sunlight crossed their cheeks in unison.
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endof-theline · 3 years ago
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Day 5- Tropetember: Accidental Confessions
Day 5 of super early Tropetember is a little late but it's a little longer to make up for it! It's the Avengers' one year of being a team party and everyone's drinking but Tony, including everyone's favourite Super Soldiers who decide flirting with Tony would be a great idea... that is until it's not.
On Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/32394175
At first it seemed like a great idea, why wouldn’t it? A party to celebrate a year since the team formed, to celebrate everything they’ve done and everything they’ve been through together. Tony had been excited to have the whole team together and having a good time, letting loose and relaxing since Fury had given them the all clear to be off duty for the night and reassured them that SHIELD could take care of anything that popped up. Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Sam, Clint, Wanda, Vision, Steve and Bucky were all ready for a much needed day off and they were excited to have their party as well, it’s not everyday superheroes could relax. Thor even brought Asgardian drinks so that Steve, Bucky and himself could drink with everyone else.
Unfortunately for Tony, he was the only one not drinking since Bruce had decided to join in after Clint pulled out a bottle of whiskey Bruce loved and hadn’t had since before the Hulk’s creation. Tony was fine with not drinking, his friends were either tipsy or drunk but no one was being gross or weird so it was still fun even without a buzz. He smiled at Natasha who shot him a look when she realised that Tony wasn’t going to be drinking and even offered to join him, he didn’t want to drag Natasha into his own problems so he waved her off and told her to have a drink for him instead.
It had been months since Tony had decided to give up drinking and he thought he was doing amazingly well considering that had been his usual escape after practically rough missions, he found that he actually didn’t miss it that much once the majority of the withdrawal had died down. The team had been so proud of him and helped him along the way, the topic had been brought up several times leading up to tonight about them not drinking but everytime Tony waved them off with a smile.
“Tony, I just wanna say how proud I am of you” Steve said as he dropped onto the sofa beside Tony, his arm going around Tony’s shoulders and his grin looked like it hurt with how wide he was smiling “You are doing so amazing and I don’t know how it feels but I imagine tonight has been hard for you, y’know with the drinks”
“Thanks Steve, it’s not too bad since I get to see you guys having a great time” Tony smiled back up to him, that annoying feeling in his chest returned as he looked up to the drunken hero. Tony had fallen hard for the Captain and had never had the courage to act on any of it, good thing too since when they rescued Bucky it barely lasted a month before the super soldiers were dating and poor Tony just had to smile through the pain as he just as quickly fell for Bucky.
“It’s been so long since I’ve got to have a drink and not worry about anything” Steve mumbled as he let his head lol towards Tony’s and when Tony went to speak up, Steve just popped his head back up and looked around before spotting Bucky talking with Natasha “I think it was in the war, having drinks with Buck after getting him back, s’kinda the same feeling”
“Well, I’m glad you’re having a good time” Tony chuckled and tried to catch anyone’s eye to get him up and away from Steve, only managing to catch Bucky’s which he took as an invitation to come over as well “Speak of the devil”
“Aw, you talking about me, doll” Bucky teased as he sat down on the other side of Tony, leaning into him as he smiled at the pair “Nat was just telling me ‘bout the parties you used to have”
“Oh, was she?” Tony asked as he shot a glare over to redhead who just lifted her glass up to him before turning to talk to Clint with a smirk “What did she tell you?”
“She said that they were massive and usually ended up in the news” Bucky snickered as Steve started to giggle as well while Tony had to take a deep breath “She said that’s how it came out that you like men”
“That would be true” Tony nodded along, he had been planning on coming out on his own terms but had thrown a party where he was photographed kissing a few of the guys and it was immediately leaked that he had taken one of them to bed “People took pictures of me and some guys at one of my parties messing around and they forced it into the media earlier than I wanted”
Bucky and Steve’s mood shifted so fast that Tony almost got whiplash for them, they had been laughing but as soon as Tony explained what happened they grew upset and angry. Tony guessed it was a bigger deal for them to have been outed than it was for Tony, he assumed it was because of their background even though the pair were out and proud.
“Tony, I’m so sorry” Bucky suddenly seemed a lot more sober than seconds ago as guilt washed over Tony, he had completely ruined the mood for them.
“Oh it’s fine, I almost expected it to happen and besides it was years ago, pre-Iron Man times” Tony waved his hand and smiled at them, the smile faltered when neither of them smiled back at him “Seriously you guys, my life isn’t very private and that’s the way it’s always been so I’m more than used to it”
“That doesn’t make it alright, Tony” Steve stressed and had that look on his face that screamed Steve wanted to hurt everyone who had wronged him, it was a look Steve wore whenever Tony spoke about his past “Just because you’re used to it, doesn’t mean you should expect not to have privacy”
“I appreciate the disapproval Cap, but it’s fine, I’m done worrying about the press in my life” Tony lied as he kept smiling and shaking his head, praying to any Gods out there that they would drop the topic “Besides, this is a celebration, you guys should be having fun!”
“We could have some fun” Bucky purred in Tony’s ear making the genius swallow thickly, his ears going pink in an instant as Bucky’s hand landed on his knee.
“Think that comment is directed to you there, Steve” Tony chuckled as he moved to sit up but Steve’s hand tightened on his shoulder to keep him in place, Tony looked over to the blonde to see the heated look in his eyes as he smirked at Tony.
“It wasn’t, Buck and I agree” Steve’s voice was lower and deeper than usual, Tony’s eyes flicked over to Bucky and received the same heated look he got from Steve in return “Ain’t that right, Buck?”
“Mhm, don’t you wanna have some fun with us, doll?” Bucky asked as his Brooklyn accent thickened, same as Steve’s, as the pair moved to press closer and Tony tried to ignore how fast his heart was beating. Tony had had dreams that started like this, he knew where they led and he wasn’t stupid either. They were both drunk, he could smell it on their breath and see it in their flirty looks that were a little dazed or lopsided, and as much as Tony wanted this he wasn’t going to take advantage of them like this. Never like this, no matter what the papers had said when he was twenty five.
“Please don’t do this” Tony whispered as he scrunched up his eyes, he couldn’t believe he was doing this. He had wanted these men for months and would have done to hear this anytime except from right now.
“Why not? Just some harmless fun between teammates, right?” Bucky’s hand had slid to his thigh and Steve’s had snuck under his collar so his hand rested on Tony’s bare shoulder, the heat of his palm felt like it was burning him instead of comforting like it had been.
“Just don’t, not now” Tony pleaded as his eyes scanned the room, hoping that no one was taking notice so he didn’t ruin the rest of the night for everyone else. Tony couldn’t say that hearing that Bucky just thought it was ‘just some harmless fun’ as teammates didn’t sting his heart, this didn’t mean a thing to him and he was just doing it because he was drunk.
“Give us a reason, why can’t we have some fun, Tony?” Steve pressed on and Tony swore he tried, he tried so hard not to say anything, but both men were in his space and saying things Tony had dreamt of hearing, things that had comforted him in his lowest moments and he couldn’t have it and he knew it meant nothing to them.
Tony ripped himself from their grasp, standing up and whirling to face them as he snapped “BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH BOTH OF YOU!” before he realised what he had blurted out, his eyes filling with tears because of course Tony Stark can’t have a secret “Fuck, forget what I said”
Tony ran. He did what he knew best and ran, he only ran back to his workshop but he locked everything down and dived for the cot as he let himself cry out his heartbreak. He covered his ears as Steve and Bucky banged on the door and shouted at him, he wished they had just ignored him or at least didn’t want to take their anger out on him. Tony pulled the blanket over him and covered his head with it so he could try and block out everything else, the light of the arc reactor soothed him as he sobbed until he passed out with Steve and Bucky still pounding away at his door.
No one saw Tony for two days and on the third, it was hard to recognise him as the Tony they knew. Tony was dressed up in a suit, looking picture perfect with his hair styled and goatee trimmed exactly, sunglasses covered his eyes as he carried a briefcase in one hand, his knuckles almost going white with his tight grip. Natasha knew this man, she recognised him as Tony before the team, the one under Obidiah’s thumb, this was the media version of Tony Stark.
“Tony, Bucky and I nee-” Steve tried to stop him, hand outstretched and looking hurt when Tony dodged it with ease.
“No need, Cap, in a few hours I’ll be on the other side of the country. Rhodes is taking over my position as Iron Man and Pep’s handling SI over here, Fury’s agreed to it and Pepper’s not happy but hell, she’ll probably enjoy not having me be so useless” Tony held his hand out to interrupt Steve who just stared at Tony in shock, the rest of the team gathering as Tony spoke “I’m sorry for fucking up, I should have kept my mouth shut or just gone with it, I’ll see you around… well no, I won’t actually, I’m not planning on coming back”
“You can’t just leave!” Bucky protested as he came to stand beside Steve, looking equally hurt as the blonde.
“Actually I can, I am in fact, now I gotta go or I’ll miss my flight. Glad I could stick around for a year before I fucked up” Tony laughed but it was humorless and no one else was laughing with him, in fact all of them just looked sad “Cheer up, things will be better without me, you guys are always complaining about shit I do so you should be happy!”
“Tony, that’s not-, we-, you-” Steve stammered helplessly as Tony just raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, Steve and Bucky shared a look before Bucky nodded at him and suddenly Steve was there, cupping his cheeks and kissing him. Steve kissed him deeply, not caring that Tony wasn’t reacting, his hands were cupping his cheeks and his body was pressed up against Tony’s, stealing his breath away.
“Steve, what-?” Tony tried to ask but Steve stepped away for Bucky to take his place, his hands going to Tony’s hair instead and kissing him just as deep and intensely as Steve had. Tony’s body caught up as his body sagged slightly and tears came to his eyes when Bucky stepped away from him “What are you doing?”
“We love you too” Steve said and Tony’s world crashed down around him. For the last two days, Tony had convinced himself that the whole team hated him, Steve and Bucky especially, and that the world would be better off if he just disappeared.
Tony stumbled away from them, almost tripping over his own feet as he stared at the team that were all staring back at him as his reality broke. He wanted to run, he wanted to escape again so when he went to run Bucky grabbed his arm and pulled him back instead, pulling him into a hug and moving with Tony when his knees buckled and he dropped to the floor. Steve knelt down beside them and moved Tony’s glasses off his face to show the tears that were now streaming down his face, his body shaking as he tried to remember how to breathe.
“Sweetheart, take some nice deep breaths for me” Steve comforted him and wiped back the tears, only for them to be replaced seconds later “It’s alright, Tony, you’re okay”
“No I’m not, you’re meant to hate me!” Tony shouted as he pulled at his hair, frustrated that everything had changed, nothing was going to his plan and he didn’t know what to do about it. He didn’t want them to hate him, but it made leaving a lot easier if that’s what they wanted from him.
“We couldn’t be farther away from it” Bucky said softly while he pushed Tony’s hands away and started to comb his fingers through Tony’s hair instead, the soft touches helping the headache that was building up but not helping his heart “We love you, and there’s no way in hell that we could hate you”
They let Tony cry himself out before trying to talk to him sensibly, just a lot of soft words and soothing touches until Tony had worn himself out from crying and was just curled into Bucky’s chest as his breathing stopped being so ragged and his heart stopped pounding quite so hard.
“We love you, Tony, and we’ll tell you everyday if we have too” Bucky whispered in his ear before Steve kissed his cheek and repeated Bucky in a whisper in his other ear, the pair not needing to look at each other to know that it was a promise that they were going to keep until Tony no longer needed to hear it from them everyday and then continuing it because they wanted to make sure Tony always knew he was loved.
It took a lot of conversations, a lot of tears, a lot of traded kisses and touches to finally persuade Tony that they weren’t lying to him, that they really did love him and that they wanted to be with him. Once Tony knew it and was feeling more secure where he stood, the change in him amazed the team since most of them had never seen him so happy. Of course there will still be bad days, but now Tony wasn’t alone and he had two soldiers to help protect him against the bad thoughts and nightmares.
Tony woke up every morning between Steve and Bucky with a kiss and a whispered confession of love, and every morning Tony blushed and whispered back:
“I love you too”
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scottyunfamous · 4 years ago
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Heauxtivation 2021
HAPPY MUH FUCKIN’ NEW YEAR, YOU SENSUAL UNICORN FAIRY!
Before we begin:
On 20th December 2020, Instagram updated its terms of service making it difficult for sex positive creators and those who work in the adult industry, including educators (because apparently humans learning about how their body functions is naughty), to operate on the platform. This includes our posts showing up on your feeds less and less, posts being removed, discreetly making followers unfollow our pages (turn on your post notifications btw), accounts getting suspended, our accounts not coming up in searches, shadow banning our accounts and community hashtags, and tighter restrictions on what images and words we’re allowed to use.
When I first caught wind of this, I wasn’t particularly worried as I’ve never suffered at the hands of Instagram (despite creating posts dedicated to dique sucking techniques .it’s here if you want it lol) and I also didn’t want to jump on any hive mind hype in the community until I saw the effects for myself. Regardless, I resolved that it may be in both of our interests (yours and mine) if I stop using Instagram to blog and use my ACTUAL blog instead -MY GENIUS KNOWS NO BOUNDS! LOL
How this helps you: My content is easier for you to find rather than lost in a sea of curated images and I can give more explicit advice…not that my advice was particularly tame, but you get what I mean *holds up an uncensored picture of a vulva *.
How this helps me: I don’t get my account removed.
So this is where we shall convene more often, in the safety of my heaux haven, where the only rule is PRIORITSING YOUR PLEASURE!. I’ll also be sending monthly newsletter updates highlighting any content you may have missed, merch drops, events, giveaways and things like that.
Now that we’ve gotten the serious stuff out of the way, here’s the actual blog post:
My new years resolution is to be an even bigger, fancier heaux. I’m dead serious. That’s really my resolution and as January is my birthday month (Jan 31st) I’m going full steam ahead with this one.
Every year we set the same mundane resolutions: lose weight, learn something new, give up an addiction that is bad for us and something to do with getting rich. While these resolutions are all well and good, they're the ones that usually run out of steam, the same ones we end up setting for ourselves every fucking year like a broken record of failure, torturing ourselves to actually stick it out this time...patiently waiting for when the ‘New year, new me’ hype wears off.
I’m over it. 
I stopped setting resolutions that didn't excite me in 2019 and I urge you to do the same. Set resolutions that don't feel like suffering -plis, 2020 is done. We have suffered enough! Set resolutions that spark joy. Resolutions that make you look forward to sticking them out and elevate you to be more than you thought you were.
 So like I said, my resolution is to be an even bigger, fancier heaux. My resolution for last year was to learn how to pole dance. Thanks to this pandemonium, that never happened and I am still the modest pillar of purity I always was.
In short, being a heaux means being a sexually liberated, sex positive woman who knows her worth and treats herself the way she deserves to be treated so that when others want to experience her, they know there’s levels to this shit. She lives by her own rules, she’s confident and doesn’t seek external validation because she knows she doesn’t need it, she loves herself fiercely (because loving yourself is nothing to feel guilty of) and empowers those around her to do the same.
Here are some of the elements of my resolution that maybe you may want to include in your life this year too:
Self-care everyday because fancy bitches deserve to be pampered.
Exploring my sexuality even further, starting with getting comfortable with experimenting with anal sex. I will provide updates on this.
Building the perfect womb shed week kit so that I am carefree, leak-free, hormonally balanced and still have great skin.
Giving even less fucks and enjoying my life without worrying what anyone thinks.
Adorning my beautiful body with more silk dresses, pretty lingerie, and serving ass and tiddies *sings * ass, ass and tiddies, because it makes me feel powerful to turn when my presence commands attention, plus, you’re only young once. Indulge.
More sensual movement like erotic yoga, a cheeky bit of Zumba so I can live my Latina namesake’s fantasy SHAKIRA SHAKIRA and just move in general coz lockdown has us on our asses a lot. Also if you see me twerking on your timeline, just click like, sit back and enjoy.
Practicing more mindful sex -expect some tantric sex lessons coming up
More beautiful, luxury sex toys in my life because I love being surround by pretty shit.
Living sensually. This means that I want to be present and enjoy the full extent of every experience, even if it’s just a cup of really good coffee.
Read/watch more romances. I’m very over the angry feminist approach. It’s draining finding things to be mad at and men to hate all the time. It’s counterproductive and can put blocks in our healing process. Hella counterproductive. Love is such a big fucking mood so let’s celebrate that and invite more of it into our lives.
Doesn’t all of this sound uplifting and enjoyable? This is your heauxtivation, betch. Take some of mine or set your own fun slutty resolutions.
I’m very much looking forward to helping you guys grow into the best heaux’s that you can be and growing with you. Wishing you all an orgasm-filled, hella sexually confident, extra AF 2021.
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1000roughdrafts · 5 years ago
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Family Secrets: Chapter Fifteen
Calm Before the Storm
Summary: Scoping out the hospital with your new gang, Allanah, Dean and Sam, you finally meet the young girl from your visions, and the man who’s possibly to blame for her state. 
Warnings: language, violence against OC, 
W/C: 3.3k
Masterlist/schedule
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Your fingers sting where you’d been chewing at them. A bandage softens the pulsing of your thumb where you’d bitten a little too hard and drew blood. Still, even through the pain, you continue to absentmindedly chew on your fingers and their nails as you walk through the door of the hospital. 
A rush of memories hits you. Everything looks the same; the hallway, the lights, the numbers on the doors, the people. Allanah and Sam walk in front of you, Dean by your side. When you glance over at him, his eyes are wide as he scans the are. “You okay, Dean?” 
“Huh?” he looks over at you, coming out of his trance. “Yeah,” he clears his throat. “As good as I can be after finding out about an alternate dimension where five of my-” he shakes his head, “our children live.” 
You nod sympathetically, “yeah, I’m with you there,” you snort. 
Continuing down the hallway as you follow Allanah, she moves her head from left to right, peering down the hallways and looking at the numbers on the doors. She stops at one, and turns around to face you. 
“This is it, isn’t it?” You point at the door, your heart pounding in your chest, “this is where Luna is, right?” 
Wren - June 6, 2068 Ira, Region 1
Only when I am looking for lights do I realize how abnormally dark this region is. My vision is skewed with the use of only one eye, the other swollen shut. I wrestle with my legs, sometimes having to force them by my hands just to step along this bridge. My hand alternates between picking up my leg and holding my broken, leaking nose in place.
I hear sirens off in the distance, which is not unusual for this region, along with the incessant screaming from all neighborhoods; the song of Ira. Women, children, and men are everyday and every night pleading and begging for their lives. Half of this region are just here to serve as victims to the other half, and me? I remain somewhere in between. Hero by day, villain by night. Though, it depends on who you ask whether I'm the good guy or the bad guy.
I like to think I'm a guy just trying to survive, just like everyone else. I like to go with the flow of things, wherever the wind seems to take me. However, sometimes that leads me into very dark situations like walking along the bridge in the dead of the night after a fight with some dealers, resulting in a bloody nose, black eye, probably a broken foot and an empty stomach.
I'm not a user, but sometimes when necessity strikes I will pose as one. Undercover means that there's always a chance of getting caught. Unfortunately for my broken body, I'd been caught. I was lucky enough to escape, but not before they 'taught me a lesson'. Fuck those guys.
Soon, I will be home. I envision myself peeling my shoes from my bloodied socks, wincing at the pain but sighing at the release of pressure. I watch myself fall onto the semi-carpeted floor of my living room and remaining there forever... or until the power goes out, or perhaps until the eviction notice comes by, whichever happens first. I really don’t give a damn anymore.
The closer I get to the brink of this bridge, the louder and increasingly heart wrenching the screams become. My heart pounds vigorously in my chest. I'd cover my ears if I could, but my hands are treating my legs like the wheels of a wheelchair to keep me going. I am vehemently disgusted and angered by the lack of funds and concern for this region. We're region number one, yet last of all five. How could it get to this point? How could I be the only one fighting for a better living state for Ira?
This isn't a case of just one or two bad neighborhoods like in the other regions. Oh, no. This is a blatant disregard for the livelihood of the folks who live here. Ira might as well be a prison for the 'rejects' of the other four regions. How could they get away with such a wickedness?
This is a region where any street you find yourself on, you'll be a witness to, at best, a bloody robbery, or passed out users, and at worst, a death unfolding right before your eyes. This is not shocking to the folks who live here, and lest you wish death upon yourself, you just don't intervene... to live, you look the other way.
I have to push these thoughts away. There's not much I can do at the moment, this anger is a waste of energy. Reaching my door, I struggle with my keys. I force myself through, taking only one step in before I'm grabbed from all sides and a mesh bag is thrown over my head.
"Hey!" I scream. The fabric is too thick, my voice is muffled and the air is thinning. "What the fuck!"
There's at least four of them. I feel four hands on my arms, the crunching of ones' steps along my floor, and the smacking lips of one standing somewhere in front of me. A heat spreads through my body when I feel the dull, harsh point of a gun barrel against the back of my head, "shut the fuck up!" one barks.
I stiffen my body, growing angry all over again, "how the fuck did you get in here?"
"We'll be ones to ask questions," one says with a kick to my stomach. I buckle over, a gloved hand covers my screams and I'm held up by their hands.
"Who are you? What do you want?"
Another blow to my stomach with the blunt force of a thick knee ejects blood from my mouth. "I said we'll be asking the questions." I'm ripped back into the gun as it presses deeper into the back of my neck, "keep your damn mouth shut, don't fight back, and listen to our rules if you want to live."
I spit the remaining blood from my mouth and onto my carpet, might not get my deposit back but I couldn't lend a thought to that now. I'm sure kidnapped-and-beaten-to-a-bloody-freakin'-pulp is covered somewhere in my renters agreement, this is Ira after all.
"Ah, tell me where we're going at least," I growl in the most intimidating voice I can muster up with my swollen throat.
"Teraw," the man behind me says in a gravelly voice before forcing me out of my door and shoving me down the path and into a car.
-
Allanah peers her head into the room after a knock and steps inside. The three of you follow behind her. It’s just like you’d seen it however many months ago, Luna in a hospital bed with a tube in her throat, the doctor stands with a chart in his hand, a woman is crying beside her and there’s a man in a business suit. 
He turns to face the four of you, pointing a finger, “you’re not supposed to be here,” he screams. “What the Hell are you doing?” 
The doctor catches him by the arm and turns around to face you, “these are some friends of mine, Mr. Grant. Please, just relax.” You look at Allanah with wide eyes, her softly staring out of the window. Mr. Grant huffs, shoving the doctors arm off of him while brushing out his suit. The doctor softens his voice and focuses on the woman, “please, Mrs. Grant, take your husband outside to relax a little, will you?” 
The woman nods, her face scrunched up as tears fall into the tissue she pads her face with. Reluctantly, Mr. Grant wraps his arm around her and they glide out of the room. You take a few steps closer to the bed, placing your hand on Luna’s. 
You feel Dean by your side, but don’t dare to look at him. He places his hand on top of yours and an influx of memories come rushing in. You force your eyes shut to block away the tears. 
“I’m going to need some alone time with her, Dan,” Allanah whispers. “She’ll be up and at ‘em before you know it,” she says in a melancholic, yet chipper voice. 
Dan, you assume, lowers his voice, “whatever you do, make it look normal.” He sighs, “and we’ll talk later about you showing up here out of nowhere,” he says sternly before smiling his goodbyes. 
Allanah coasts to the other side of Luna’s bed, placing her hand over Luna’s forehead and running it gently down to her chin. She stops, looking up at Sam, who stands off in the corner. He takes a few steps towards the bed and Allanah continues to run her hand down Luna’s body. Starting with her collarbone, and working down each arm, she runs her hands down her sides and each leg, confusion written all over her face. 
“What’s happening?” Sam asks. 
Allanah brings her hands up to inspect them, “nothing,” she says somberly. “Nothing is happening at all. My powers,” she pauses, shaking her head. “They don’t work here,” she says, turning to face the three of you. 
Aiden - June 6, 2068
Feri - Region 2
Depression is perilous and conniving. One minute I'm feeling fine and the next I want to strap myself to a chair just to fight the urge to throw myself from the bridge. It's that little voice in the back of my mind that's constantly telling me how worthless I am, telling me that no matter what I do - it's never going to be good enough.
It tells me to be silent. It encourages me not to whisper a single word to anyone because they won't believe me, nor will they care. So I've kept it locked up in the pit of my stomach as it weighs me down. I'm tired even when I sleep. I'm not hungry, even when I haven't eaten for a day or more. I can't breathe, and I can never catch my breath. 
It's constantly gripping onto every fiber in my body, yanking me towards the ground. I'm lying on the floor, staring into nothing. On the surface everything is fine, peachy. On the inside, there's a violent storm of death threats and negative thoughts that I can't seem to escape. I'm living in my own personal Hell, flames and all.
"Aidan!" my co-actor, Richard shouts. "Aidan, come on! Jack said cut like six times, now. Get up," he irritably grunts.
"Sorry," I clear my throat, the lab coat swooping at my feet as I stand. Walking off set and over to the director I ask for a short break to clear my mind. 
My hands shake as I bring the cigarette to my mouth and I can't fathom why. Perhaps it's because I haven't eaten in a while, can't remember. Perhaps I'm just cracking under the pressure. This is no money-making field, this acting thing.
"Hey, Aidan," Richard is calmer now, startling me as he steps to my side with a cigar in his hands. I turn to face the concrete wall and the buildings beyond it. "Is everything all right with you?"
"Why do you ask?" I breathe in a long, relaxing drag of the cigarette.
He casually shrugs, "we lost you for a while back there. Were you zoning out, or what?"
"We got the scene though, right? That was the last take?" I fake enthusiasm that's riddled with anxiety, it seems to pass effectively on my apathetic co-actor.
He pats my back, "we kicked ass, man! That was the best take yet! There using it for the film."
"Good," I sigh out a mixture of pent up stress and cigarette smoke. "I think I'd go a little insane if I had to do that all over again."
"Why?" he snickers. "Working a character that loses his whole family hit a little too close to home for you?"
I glare at him. How could a person sound so genuine and yet sarcastic at the same time? Well, I should know by now. That's Richard.
I throw my cigarette onto the ground, pushing him against the wall with my fists on his shoulders. "Not cool, man. You of all people should know that." I drop him, smoothing out the creases on his suit that I'd caused. I should know by now that I had only given him what he wanted by reacting.
He adjusts himself, putting his hands in the air defensively. "All right, you're right. My bad, man. Sorry," he says with a roll of his eyes.
I glare at him while stamping out the remaining embers with my foot. Heading inside I hear my name, "ah! Aidan, glorious job back there! Listen, Mr. Grant called," he nearly shakes in excitement. "He wants us to shoot the hospital scenes in his district's hospital. What do you say we head to Teraw today?"
There’s a faint knock at the door, and soon after Dan enters the room with Luna’s parents behind him. Mr. Grant pushes past his wife and Dan to stand by Luna’s side. 
Mr. Grant turns to face Dan, “Doctor, I’ll have you escort them out immediately, or else I’ll call someone to do me the favor,” he growls. 
Leaving the room, there’s a small rumble as you walk down the hallway. Your eyes shoot up at Dean, leaning on him for stability. “You feel that?” you ask, glancing over at Allanah and Sam. 
Allanah’s eye is caught by the flickering of the lights and sway of the floor. 
“There! Go, now!” she screams, pointing down the hallway of nurses and wandering patients as they run about, filing it up with their screams. She presses her palms into your sides, flipping you around to face in the other direction, and pushes you to start running. Dean and Sam stay close behind as you sprint down the shifting hallway. 
“What about Luna?” you cry out. 
“Dan will take care of her, we have to move! Now, go!” She points at a door, “there’s tables in that room, go!” 
Sam pushes you into Dean and the three of you into the room, all of you running to sit under a table. A large cabinet wobbles before falling in front of the door, blocking you in. 
Somewhere in the hospital a siren is blaring, and the shaking gets more violent than before. Uncovering your ears, you lift yourself up to peer out of one of the windows. You jaw drops and a gasp escapes you as you see the water from underneath the bridge clashing against the side of the hospital, destroying houses and smaller buildings in its wake. 
The rumbling continues as pieces fall from the hospital. Patients are screaming and doctors can be heard calling after them, trying to herd everyone to safety. 
Allanah shuffles over to you in a crouch, “we need to find the children,” she shouts, just barely to be heard over the ear splitting alarm. 
You peak your head from under the table and look between the brothers as they scan the room for a way out. Pulling yourself from your squat you stand next to Allanah, “how?” you point over at the cabinet in front of the door, “we’re blocked in!” 
Allanah matches your gaze at the door, then looks out of the window at the raging ocean waters as they crash against the side of the building. Walking over to the door, she extends her palms out at the fallen cabinets. She exerts all of her energy into what you assume is an attempt to move it. Turning back to you and the brothers, her face falls flat. 
“I guess I really don’t have any powers here,” she says, looking down into her shaking hands. “That son of a-” 
“Okay, okay,” you say, taking a few steps towards her, “looks like you’ve been around Dean a little too long,” you chuckle. “Look, it’s fine. There are four of us here, I’m sure we could muster up the strength to get the door clear.” You glance over at them, and shake your head once, “come on, guys.” 
Sam readily strolls to the cabinet, while Dean mopes over. With eight hands gripping onto it, you count to three and all pull together, blowing raspberries at the weight and scrunching up your faces. It takes a few tries, and balancing it on your knees to get it out of the way, but crashes against the floor with a loud bang, rattling the other cabinets in the room. 
You push your way out of the door and into the now empty halls. The screaming has faded out and the only sound comes from a television on the corner of the wall in one of the waiting rooms. You gravitate towards it, taking heavy steps. 
“This is an official evacuation notice from Teraw authorities and weather administrators. It is heavily advised that all residents get to safety in the wake of the sudden, and unpredictable, Hurricane Vampurica,” the monotone voice repeats over a multi-color strip before giving out a collection of resources to call and a way to help others. 
“Vampurica?” Dean grunts. You turn around to see him standing behind you, Allanah and Sam close behind. “Do they even-” he sighs. “Know what? It doesn’t even matter,” he groans, turning around and storming down the hallway. 
You focus on the doors, searching for the one Luna had been in. Ignoring everyone else, you run for it and open the door to find an empty bed. Sheets and blankets in a pile on the floor, and the chair is tipped over. 
“Where would he have taken her?” you ask Allanah as she approaches your side. 
“I’m not sure,” she lulls. 
A sharp pain in your temple sends you to the ground, grunting and calling out as the pain runs down your neck and into your back. 
Dean drops to your side, “Y/N! What’s going on?” he shouts, running his hands along your arm and pulling you over onto your back. You hold your hands up to your head, putting pressure on your temples to soften the pain. “Y/N-” he shouts before groaning out in pain. 
Sam and Allanah are at your sides as you and Dean writhe in pain. The last thing you see before your eyes shut is Sam nervously looking you over, fear written on his face. 
Before you is a large, three story house and to your side is Dean, standing dazed and looking you over with wide eyes. 
“Great,” he scowls. “What could possibly go wrong?” 
“It’s okay, Dean,” you whine in frustration. “We’re not actually here. I doubt anyone could even see us,” you say, taking a few steps towards the brick pathway that leads to the door. 
Dean grabs onto your arm, twisting you around to face him. He points at the house, “if that guy is in there, he’ll see us. He did last time, remember?” 
“No, I don’t think he did. Don’t you remember what he said to us when we showed up with Sam and Allanah? It was the same thing as then, so I guess we just traveled there at the same time...” you trail off, not exactly believing yourself so you know you can’t expect him to. 
“Why didn’t we see us, then?” he says. “If we were there in that moment, we should have been able to see us, too, right?” 
“Let’s just be extra careful in there, then. Pretend like we’re in our bodies and anyone can see us.” He doesn’t move his face, nor says anything. “Please, Dean. I need to know if she’s okay! I have this- this need to save them, protect them. Don’t you?” you impatiently yell. Without saying a word, he relaxes slightly. With an open palm he gestures to the house. You crouch as you walk towards it, scanning the building for an open window. 
Next Chapter
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anuknowha · 6 years ago
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Mouth of the Devil.
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Title: Mouth of the Devil - Mother Mother.
Genre: Romance, Smut, Horror
Warning: Severe and very detailed amounts of gore, please turn back if this in any way affect you.
Pairing: demon!Michael Langdon x Reader
Rating: R
Word Count: 5,342
Characters: 27,162     W/o spaces: 21,835
You and Michael meet for the first time, but he ends up letting the more demonic side of him take over. 
It hadn't been long since the apocalypse started. I'd been separated from family and friends through their very graphic and violent deaths. The atmosphere has been quite lonely, quite empty. 
It's winter here, and it felt cold, colder than it's ever felt before. The trees are coated in layers of white snow, and the ground is about a foot deep of tiny clear crystals packed against each other to create a giant white mass that could be seen for miles. I could see it from my window, and I could feel it through my walls. I feel the chills that ran through the room in my veins and bones. They leaked from the cracked windows, and under my sheets that were made from 100% cotton. I could hear the sound of the hard winds hitting against the window and flurrying through the air in a sound of what sounded like twisted moans. It made the light blue curtains that covered the windows sway. The breeze tugged at my ears which felt almost frostbitten at this point. The room was dark. I grabbed the blanket and threw it over my head, than using my hands I rub them over my ears to try and warm them up. Within five minutes I grew annoyed, and had sat up with the cover still around me. I turn so that my feet hang freely off the bed. Stuffing my feet in my cold shoes I find myself standing up almost stiffly. I shuffled my way to the window where I yanked the curtains shut even more only for them to come back open. I small grumble left my throat as I move towards my door. I make it through the doorway and down the hall to my stairs. The dreaded things were always a nuisance to me, but I find myself walking down them everyday to get some breakfast or even leave the house. The leveled floor was cooler than the one above, and I could just feel the freezing air consume the blanket and me. It left my breath foggy and my teeth chattering. I quickly found my way over to the fireplace, where I threw in a piece of wood. I had used the lighter in my pocket to set a fire and before you know it, a tiny flame began to kindle. I threw in yet another piece of wood and watched as a bigger flame started to form in front of me. Satisfied, I danced to the kitchen to find myself something to eat. I check the fridge and look through its contents. My stomach starts to growl, so I find myself grabbing a bowl for some cereal. Milk and a box of Frosted Flakes manage to find their way to the table. Pouring myself a bowl, I stare out the window to my left, watching the snowfall heavily outside. I grab my bowl and get up, walking towards the window to get a better look. I find myself sitting on the window ledge staring out blankly at the houses that lined up across from mine while I stuffed my face with cereal. A sigh left my throat, knowing that I was the only one left on my block, and probably in my town for that matter, but the outside world didn't know that. When the apocalypse started months ago, I remember being with my mother, father, and two siblings in this house. We were full of joy, and so was this house. But one day they came. On the other side of town, we heard a bomb had dropped. It left us shaken as we feared for our lives. Within hours at least another 3 bombs were dropped within a small radius of the town. They had stopped by midnight, and by that time we thought it was all over. We were wrong. The next morning, before sunrise, we were awoken to the sounds of gunshots that sounded like they had been fired nearby. Mom took the liberty to look out the window, which she soon found a mistakes. With a streak of horror she watched as dozens of people ran through the streets trying to flee men arms with guns. She awoke my father and us and told me and my siblings to hide in the basement until it let's up. We all hurried into the basement and secured the door tightly as the outside world filled with chaos. Into a few minutes of hiding they came to our home kicking down the door and turning over every piece of furniture that was perfectly graced around our house. They were hungry for blood, and I knew they were. I held my little sister close in my arms as our mother and father watched the door. That's when the noise came. They started kicking at the basement door. They found us. I held my sister tighter as my parents tried to get us to hide in the small door connected to the wall. We denied them this, and watched as the burst through the wooden door and started firing shoots at our parents. I quickly covered my sister's ears and eyes as me and my older brother watched from the corner of the room. I couldn't turn away as I watched them shoot a bullet directly through our father's skull. My eyes followed it with fear as it went through the back of his head and came out a bloody mess. He was dead on impact, and his body fell backwards down the stairs, landing only feet away from us. I turned my head but my brother watched the pool of blood form other our father's head. Our mother couldn't help but cry and scream. That didn't last long though. They shot her in the chest; an injury she managed to survive as she collapsed to the floor but I could tell she couldn't hang on to life forever. She tried crawling towards us before they shot her through the neck, which I'm sure punctured an artery. It caused her blood to spray on us before she too collapsed to the ground, dead and bloody. I hurried to wipe the blood off of my sister's face to prevent her from screaming as the men came over to take us away. We were scared out of wits end, shaking, fighting our tears, fighting everything in our power not to act in such a way that might get us killed. My brother gripped us tight. "When I count to three, you guys run to the door, leave. Hide, and protect our little sister. Please Y/N." He whispered. I nodded, and but our sister over my shoulder as I got ready to run. "One... two... three!" He almost murmured. And on three I ran past them, Lillian wrapped tight in my arms quietly crying. One of them started shooting at us, but every bullet missed. We ran out the house and ran to the backyard where we found some bushes to hide behind. Shots rang from the neighboring yards but none came from our house. I noticed from the corner of my eye they took him hostage. Our brother along with some others. And I couldn't stop him. A few more hours of gunshots and bombs followed this incident and it left the neighborhood in shambles. By early morning, everything lay quiet. My sister had cried herself to sleep on my shoulder, but I sat awake and alert. I sat her down gently as the son came up, and went to check around to see if the coast was clear. I walked out to the streets and my mouth lay agape. For both directions I look, there were bodies laying across the ground with blood puddled underneath them. I walk past and stare at each body as they lay uniquely across each other or just sprayed out on the hot summer's ground. I knew I had to get out of here, but not till after my sister wakes. Looking up the sky was no  longer the bright color of blue but instead a more stained red, as if the blood on the surface somehow was consumed by the sky to leave a depressing undertone. I take this time to head back into the house, a time to actually see the damage that was done, which wasn't much. I decided to go into the basement, where I came across my parent's dead bodies still laying there and growing cold. I clench my fists and start to cry, but I knew I couldn't just let their bodies lay in our house to rot. I built up enough courage to drag both of their bodies up the stairs and out the door into the street, but not within eye distance, in order to protect my sister. Next I found myself cleaning up the mess of blood to the best of my ability, a lot of the bleach, and a little water, still left the floor stained but made it less obvious. After these tedious tasks, I grew tired, and went back to my sister who I fell asleep next to. Later she had awoken, and started crying. I was startled awake by her outburst but I could tell she was hungry. I took her back into the the slightly battered house to get a meal. Day in and day out, we would take care of each other. The time we spent together was almost never ending. Well that's what it felt like, like an eternity. Us two walking together for a while. When we passed the bodies, I'd shelter her eyes and we'd hold our breath. Enjoying a talk, and speaking about our parents and the fun we shared as a family. Sometimes when she was tired while walking, I would pick her up and carry her. The local store wasn't far, just a bit of a walk. And it was a walk we would prefer to take before sundown. The first time we left out, we had enough food to last about 6 months, but she started stress eating. She couldn't help it. The trauma slightly got to her, and I would find her shivering in my arms and crying almost to the point of choking on her own saliva. She would have nightmares and wake up screaming to the top of her lungs. Within 3 months she had gained almost 50 pounds. A skinny healthy 10 year old girl gained weight quickly and it made her heavier to carry. It made her sick, and I tried my best to take care of her. About a month ago we left out together for the last time. She passed out as soon as we left the house. I left her at the door, wrapped up tight and ran to the store as quick as I could. I ran back with the last bit of groceries that were still good enough for consumption. The food the mice hadn't managed to find their way to. As I return, I could feel something wrong, I left the food in a wagon and darted towards her slumping body. I put my ear towards her chest and noticed her heart wasn't beating. I touch her head, and her body was cold. Tears formed at the corners of my eyes, and I screamed as loud as I could while I grabbed her close and held her against my chest. I cried until I had no more tears, I took the food inside and dragged her body to lay next to mom and dad's almost completely decomposed bodies. I ran back to the house and locked the door with a bookshelf.
I noticed my food supply was getting low a lot quicker than I expected, for I did not want to venture out into this snow. I was hoping to be able to last through the winter but I was greatly wrong. And although I was alone, for what seemed like miles, I didn’t want to leave this house. I didn’t have the right clothes to go through miles of snow to find another store that was packed with food. But with doubt in my mind I found myself throwing my heaviest winter coat on, and zipping it as far up as it would go, almost choking myself. I grabbed a hat, and put it on my head as tightly as I could. I shuffled through my closet to find a pair of thick black gloves and some knee high boots that were built for weather just like this. I zipped the boots all the way up my calf and stuffed my pajama pants inside. My hands slipped into the gloves with ease and I grabbed a few snacks off the counter before grabbing my blanket and draping it around my shoulders. I went towards the front door, with the past in mind, and took a glance around the house. I remember the last time I went out with my sister, was the last time I had set foot into the outside world. And after she had died, I wasn’t expecting to last much longer than I have been. My shaky hands help me steady myself as I push a bookshelf from in front of the door, almost letting it fling open in response. I took one step out, and felt my foot sink into the snow. I felt the snow quickly pound the blanket that I had wrapped around my body. It felt rough, almost like hail pellets landing on me. I keep taking steps into the snow, one by one, until I feel something almost break underneath my footing. It was than I realized I was stepping on the bones of the innocent, and it was not the best route to go. With that in mind, I started walking along the houses, closer to their walls to avoid desecrating their frozen graves. And within what seemed like hours, I believe I managed to get out of my town. I didn’t know where I was going, or how long it would take but it was so hard to find a way by the amount of snow on the ground. I felt myself walking for about 4 hours, before needing to take a rest. My feet hurt, my body ached and I felt myself getting frostbite around my face. I plopped down next to what seemed to be a tree and closed my eyes expecting the worse. I fainted.
I woke up warm, startled by a bold crackling fire that sat only a foot away from my face. I jumped back, noticing that I was covered by a nice warm blanket. I was about to scream but instead I quickly look around and observe my surroundings. This was a room I’ve never seen before, luxurious, clean, and it smelled like perfume. I sat up, the blanket still wrapped around me and stared straight into the fire.
“Nice to see you’re awake.” A voice greeted me, from what only seemed like feet away. I suddenly grew chills up my spine, and I turn to see the face of the man who spoke to me but his back was turned.
“Who are you?! And where am I?!” I finally get to see the rest of the room. A nice bed with red silk sheets. A desk, that was very neat, but had a laptop on it. He was sitting at said desk. He had blonde locks, that went to his ear just about. He was wearing all black, and a red tie. He seemed dressed to impress, and impress he did, but nonetheless he still seemed frightening.
He closed his laptop quickly and chuckled and he turned to face me. “You in my room, I had found you laying in the snow almost dead. I was going to leave you there but I noticed how beautiful you were and decided to take you in for myself.”
You grew angry, “What did you do to me!?”
“Nothing.” the man motioned. But you never let your eyes leave his for some reason. They were momentarily lost in his blue orbs. “Would you like some food?”
I take a second to answer, for I didn’t want to have myself trapped in a rock and a hard place. I felt my stomach grumble at the thought, but I didn’t know who he was and therefore, me wanting food was less of an importance. He raised a brow at me, I’m guessing he heard the thoughts of my inner turmoil through the lack of my stomach’s contents. He got up to leave the room and my body grew stiff as if I were paralyzed by fear. I couldn’t move. I just watched as he walked out the door, I just sat there waiting for him to return. And within a few minutes he did, and he brought a guy in, who was wheeling in a tray with many golden domes spread out across the top. He lifted the lid up to one of them to reveal a hot steaming lobster with a side of butter. My eyes lit up with excitement, and drool started to drip down the side of my mouth. I had never seen a plate so beautifully filled with such expensive meats, except for on television. My family wasn't exactly poor, we had exactly enough to get what we needed and a little more, but most of that "more" was spent on vacation for all of us, so we weren't always stuck in the house forever. I inched closer to the food, staring it down and debating with myself if this could be poison. My gut told me to eat anyway, and if it was at least I tried to survive longer. I get to my feet and walk over to the hefty meal. I grab the lobster and dip it, all the while this strange blonde man and his "servant" were watching me almost as if they were waiting for me to croak. I took one bite and waited a minute to see if the "poison" was going to take effect. To my surprise it did not at all taste suspicious, in fact it was the most delicious thing I've ever had. I stuffed the rest of the meat from the shell into my mouth and gobbled it down as if I was starving. He motioned the servant of his away and pushed a seat to the serving tray so I could get more comfortable to eat. Soon he found himself back at his seat in front of his laptop, but he stared at me the whole time. His blue eyes piercing, feeling as if they went through my very skin. It made me uncomfortable, and set me at unease but I didn't stop eating, I didn't even slow down. A small smirk appeared on his face as plate after plate became empty until all were almost licked clean. "Hope you enjoyed your meal." He purred. "Your appetite seemed to increase after the first bite and you seem absolutely full. So, since you asked about me, what were you doing in the middle of the snow?" I wanted to make up a story, ones he'd believe. I didn't want to seem poor, he sure wasn't.  He looks like he was too well off, as if he wasn't affected by the destruction that went on around him. By the way his room was he seemed to be one of the higher. I took a second to fabricate something false that made me seem like I was more than I let on. "I had went to play in the snow..." Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what happened. "Are you so sure about that?" Turning from me he opened up his laptop once again and started to type something. I didn't pay much attention to what he was looking for but it didn't matter much to me. "Um ye...?" I stutter, face palming internally. "You sure you didn't pass out on the way to going to get yourself some more food? Weren't you out there dying miss Y/N?" He brought his hand down to stroke his chin, or that's what it seemed like from this angle. How did he know that?! Something about him was off, and I didn't like it. "H-how'd you know...?" I stutter, feeling the food in my stomach want to come back up. "Well, don't you want to know, Miss Y/N?" "And how do you know my name?!" I fell out my chair, feeling my life was at stake. I couldn't breathe. "Who are you..." Folding his hands he placed them under his chin, he crossed his legs and spun his chair to face towards me. "I am Michael Langdon. The Antichrist, and this here is my room." I never was a religious person so I let my guard down with a laugh. I couldn't bare to believe him. I laughed so hard I almost cried at the thought. His eyes narrowed at me though, as if he was pissed off at my response. "I- I'm sorry I never heard of an Antichrist, I'm not a fan of religion." Within the blink of an eye he was looming over me. "H-how...?" "I told you who I am. Do you not believe me yet?" "Pfft! I wouldn't believe you regardless." He placed his hand on my forehead and our eyes met. Imagery flickered in front of me, glimpses of my family from the day my brother was born, and past the day they died. Some imagery of what happened to my brother flashed past my eyes and I started to cry. He let go from my forehead and I looked at him wiping my eyes. "M-my brother is dead too...? How do you know all this? How were you able to show me all this?" I was barely able to speak, I felt sick to my stomach. "I'm the Antichrist I told you, and although I don't care if you believe me or not." I try to stop the tears from flowing but you couldn't help it. I use the blanket around me to dry my eyes. "I can't believe he didn't make it... My brother... My sister. Mom, dad, all gone because of this apocalypse. And I couldn't save any of them. And it breaks my heart that I couldn't do a single thing." I look down staring at the palms of my hands, the lines in between and how I thought they were signs of failure. I've never felt so hopeless before, I thought at least one of them were safe. I guess he could feel my pain, he stroked my cheek softly in his palm and my tears dripped on his hand. He wasn't at all disgusted and his expression seemed to form signs of sympathy. I couldn't bring myself to look at him, a stranger, while my eyes were flooded with pain. But I thought that I didn't have to when he let go of my face and walked towards his desk. I assumed he was going to go back to whatever he was doing on his laptop. Instead he lifted his laptop and moved it to his bed. Walking over to me slowly, he stopped right in front of me. He pulled me to him and kept me in a loving hug. One that I didn't expect to be in but came to love. He pulled away just enough so our lips were inches apart and our eyes locked. He ran his fingers through my hair and cupped my cheek before moving in to press his lips against mine. I kissed back and started to pull at his tie, which came undone easily. It was soon on the floor. He took the time to push me to his desk. My ass pressed against the desk so I situated myself so that I was now sitting on top of it. His lips continued to press against mine, and he slid his tongue out, past my lips and into my mouth. I sucked on it, lustfully and pulled him closer as he slid his hands under my shirt to unhook my bra. It collapsed on my lap and I took it, and tossed it to the side. His eyes never left my body, as he pulled my shirt up and above my head. From there he trailed a valley of kisses on both sides of my neck. They felt like butterflies. He kissed down my chest, and in between my breasts which caused me to let out a subtle moan. It made me feel so good. He unbuttoned my pants but instead ripped them off along with my underwear. When I looked up at him, he started taking off the rest of his own clothing without me even asking and pulled me back into a loving kiss. His hands caressed my body, and ran over every inch before I felt bites on my ear. With every second he touched me I felt myself getting lost in ecstasy. I fell in love with him more and more. He pushed me back so my back was against the cold top of his desk. He kissed down my stomach. "Fuck... Devil daddy. Shit..." "Isn't this what you wanted love? To have me become one with you? To have me with you, for me to love you like you love me? I know how lonely you've been these past few months, after your parents died, after your brother and your sister died right in your arms. You needed the comfort I gave you. You needed someone to care and hold you like they use to and like you use to do to your sister." His tongue left an invisible trail of saliva down your stomach and to your cunt which he only licked once; the whole time you had your hands running through his hair. "Michael, please... I love you, I want to be one with you, please take me." I almost cried. And so he did, he slide his hardened cock into me slowly and started thrusting at an even pace. My fingers drifted down to hold his hands and he held mine. He kept himself steady as I felt him move in and out of me lovingly. It was calm and he even leaned down to kiss my neck a few times, leaving a few hickeys on my neck as he went along. A few minutes past and I feel myself about to cum, I tighten my grip around his hands and let myself come undone underneath him. "Michael!!" I scream as I arch my back and my vision grows fuzzy. As I was continuing to catch my breath he started to speed up his thrusts. I thought he was getting close. The sound of our skin fills my ears with joy and happiness. I no longer felt like I was fighting my loneliness, I felt like I was giving in. I felt like it was getting swept away into the winter winds that I knew were still outside this place, but were quiet. It wasn't all white for miles anymore, there was a sun, melting away the snow and creating a path for me to walk down. It was a bright sun, with no smell of lingering death from the neighbors or dead carcasses of animals discarded around my feet. It felt as if I was being lifted, and held in the arms of an angel. As if all my troubles fade away. I actually for once lost track of time in this world and maybe even the next world over. "I love you Y/N." Words that I never heard since my sister passed. But this time it was different and it brought my heart to a racing speed. In the middle of having sex me, I felt his demeanor and physical  appearance changed. His nails grew longer and to a point, his eyes turned a deep black, black wings seem to appear on his back and spread out widely blocking my view of everything behind me. His teeth all became like ice shards ready to fall and pierce my body. It was like he became angry, demonic, hungry and completely lost in greed. He never stopped fucking me the whole time, his penis seemed to have grown and started ripping the tissue from the walls of my vagina. And everytime he pulled out, my blood sprayed across my thighs and down my legs. It was covering his dick and dripping on the floor with each thrust. He ripped off my right breast with his teeth and left me screaming. I was in pain but I was also intoxicated by love. I couldn't tell him to stop. My body craved to be ripped apart piece by piece under his name. It hurt so bad, but it felt so good. His nails dug into my stomach and started forming holes that blood started seeping through and onto his hands. I only watched as he started ripping me in half. He stopped and took his fist right through my chest cavity, on the side where my heart was, causing me to gasp and arching my back towards the upward position he's pulling me in. I was dying, and I gasped for my last breaths of air. I knew he didn't mean to do this, but I know it was all done in the name of love. He left. You died that night with a soul damned to hell. Your eyes were wide open and your lips only slightly parted from your last gasp of air. A path of blood ran from your mouth and down your cheek.  Your skin was already pale and almost as white as the snow you once trailed in. By the time he was done with you, your chest was separated from your waist. Your intestines were in between the top half and bottom half of your body forming a bridge that connected the flesh that hung off your bones. Your right breast was ripped from your chest and the tissue from it was laying bloody on the floor. Your stomach was laid to your side, the organ ripped in half and the contents of your last meal, as if it were vomit, a mix of dark brown and red bits had spilled out. It was thick. One of your hands didn't remain intact, he had bitten off your finger on your left hand leaving a jagged bloody bone exposed. Tiny chunks of your flesh still hanging on for dear life. A gigantic pool of blood was under you and it completely coated the desktop, so much that some of it started dripping off the sides of the desk onto the floor. Drip. Drip. The sound of blood hitting the wood below couldn't be heard by the outside doors but it could be felt in the surrounding room. It was heavy at once but began to slow down after he left your body there for hours letting it empty itself out. Your blood formed into the shape of a pentagram around his desk, which was the mark that only made him stronger. The room lay completely silent and your blood completely still. And the room smelled of very sour excrement. There lay your body, ripped in half completely, and a mess that was scattered across the table. You were sweet, and your organs balanced out for a healthy meal for a demon such as him. The last thing you saw wasn't even his face, but instead the head of a goat, covered in what you assume was your blood and demonic wings that seemed to engulf you in darkness. And in the darkness you saw your brother who held his hand out motioning for you to join him. You were his meal, and maybe his most delectable one. And now, you too, have fallen to the mouth of the devil.
Taglist: @sexy-monster-fucker
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kimberlycook95 · 4 years ago
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How To Prevent A Divorce Stupefying Tips
Finally the third step on how your relationship with your spouse.That is one of the most effective save marriage just might get into one!Learn and practice to make things right again.Laughter makes you desperate, accepting the fact is, getting is a great perspective to have.
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How To Save A 7 Year Relationship
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You don't even consider saving the marriage.There isn't a walk down the road due to premature ejaculation.Just the thought it was almost impossible to get out of it as a couple that isn't talking to your courting days.Sometimes, you need to ask yourself - are willing to accept your partner's mistakes again.to give in when necessary to make the promises each other again.
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There are professional marriage counseling is a form of betrayal of the marriage.This tip has been branded as a child from being damaged any further...Rebuilding your relationship if both partners in order not to panic or be afraid to take just one part in the early stage of divorce.You haven't spent your life and you should be acknowledged.For instance, let us tell you that most people will turn to your union and this can be one that is the licensed clinical social worker, with the counselor can guide you appropriate to solve a particular view point, patience at the situation rather than solving it alone.
This is common to have an agreement on everything.It is cheaper, more convenient in that mindset every day, that many people are doing when you were together in rearing the children.If you are in now with your spouse to adjust with your work schedule as well be pretty normal for a good thing but it is even a single married couple will share in this article speaks positively of you get married, have you back on track again.Right now are able to put in effort to saving marriage together:If you want to be fed up with him/her, filed for an unhappy marriage.
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No wonder your marriage which creates tension and ultimately divorce.As human beings we are together in a non judgmental communication.But, even as you two may have been lost along the years.Talk about your fear for lizards because you will have peaceful marriage.They will probably contemplate what to do, yet could bring positive results rather than bottle it in.
The doctorate level, or PhD, psychologist is a part of the relationship.The mutual feeling of doubt and apprehension is terrible as it is all about how to get these feelings back and fairly determine the real reason.A lot of advice are far worse than the one who is independent and experienced in the best way to strengthen and save marriage.But how do you find yourself the target of counter-attacks, where past events or mistakes have I made?Decide That Divorce is a part in the world or even an ounce of possibility that you are afraid of what you want to save marriage and work out your differences, you possibly can talk about it together.
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thisislizheather · 5 years ago
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February Feats 2020
I write this from underneath two blankets, perched atop three pillows. This is day three of being sick (Nathan just joined me in illness yesterday) and I think I’m getting better but that could just be blind hope. In any case, I still have to tell you what went on last month. Forgive the tone of this post, it might be… affected.
I heard that Matthew Broderick and Sarah Jessica Parker are going to be in the Paul Simon play Plaza Suite together and so I casually thought “Ooo, might be nice to catch” so I looked it up and tickets START at $700. So I guess fuck me then. I swear to god, this fucking city.
The best cover so far this year:
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Above Photo: Brian Stauffer, The New Yorker
I rewatched a movie I love: The Door In The Floor and it really holds up well. Kim Basinger and Jeff Bridges and both too good at what they do. Love this movie so much.
I rewatched The Evil Dead and look I understand it’s probably a “good horror movie” especially for its time and budget, but I fucking hated it, maybe even more so than the last time that I saw it. Never again. Why do I keep rewatching things that I hate? I don’t have to like everything. I must repeat this to myself daily.
I had lunch at Daily Provisions and their lemon cruller was really good and light and the chicken club sandwich was good, too. Always a solid morning/afternoon place.
Favourite tweets of the month.
I tried Trader Joe’s Whole Wheat Couscous and maaaaan, it was so good. So I guess all couscous is good? Gotta get my hands on that pearly couscous. That seems like the money cousocus.
I made this Greek Couscous Salad for lunches for a week and didn’t get sick of it at all, I gotta remember to keep this in the rotation. I also kept the salad and the couscous separate until I wanted to eat, and then I’d join them together.
I can’t believe I hadn’t seen this sketch before (calling someone a “goofy bitch” just about killed me), also ignore how bad an actress Cardi B is.
I finished watching The Good Place and yes it was a good show. I don’t think l liked it as much as pretty much everyone else in my life who loved it, but it was definitely a good show. This scene was the best part of the finale, for sure. That song used in the scene will always elicit tears, I remember falling in love with it when it was used in the movie that everyone hated but me, Swept Away.
Again, I visited Everlane and it still disappoints. Why do I keep thinking it’ll be different each time? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I saw Parasite and it was wonderful and everyone who hasn’t seen it should see it. I haven’t heard from one person who didn’t like it. Universally liked!
I listened to the new Strokes single and hated it, so that’s something. Growth?
I haven’t seen the whole episode yet, but I really liked RuPaul’s SNL monologue.
Why isn’t everyone putting pickles on grilled cheese? Makes no sense. Fucking taste explosion.
I finally tried the (off-menu, must be requested when it’s not brunch) Cacio E Pepe at L’Artusi and holy christ, it might be better than their mushroom ragu. I KNOW. Such wild developments! (They also started serving at lunch, but only lunch delivery, not dine-in. SO this means nothing to me.)
I think I will officially stop buying candles from Bath & Body Works. The ones at Marshalls are cheaper, last longer and the variety of scents is endless. I have a candle from Marshalls right now simply called STORM and it really does kinda smell like stormy weather. Obviously I’m waiting for a thunderstorm to light that mother. I have mental issues?
I watched the newest season of Shrill (no big spoilers ahead) and loved it, obviously. The disappointing-ness of parents is so nicely shown (that moment at the restaurant when she asks her dad what he thinks of her boyfriend and he’s so indifferent, ugh so perfect), I absolutely LOVED the wedding episode (infact all of the episodes following that one are the best ones, I think I just love the episodes not centered about this not-great relationship with her and her boyfriend), the WEHAM episode is perfect (finally someone making fun of makeup for for legs), and I continue to love the character Fran. Really hoping for a third season, especially based on the season finale.
Don’t ask me why, but I watched most of the Police Academy movies and I think the Miami one might be the best one?? I couldn’t make it twenty minutes into the Moscow one, so I feel like you might want to trust me when I say that I know what I’m talking about.
These are my new favourite leggings of all time, they feel like you’re wearing nothing at all.
Cannot get over the beauty of these women and these outfits.
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Above Photo: Camila Mendes
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Above Photo: Nyma Tang
I watched the Michelle Carter documentary and I don’t know how other people feel, but it’s absolutely unreal that she was found guilty. Of course Nathan disagrees.
I ate at Frank for the first time in over a decade with the one and only Irene and it’s still great. Love that they do the opposite of al dente pasta here. Photos below.
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Above Photo: Tagliatelle special, at Frank
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Above Photo: Roasted garlic bread, at Frank
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Above Photo: Mushroom pappardelle special, at Frank
I can’t find a link for them online, but I bought some reusable Leak Proof Snack Bags by Kitchen Details at Nordstrom Rack and they’re perfect since we typically use a million of those disposable ones for holding sunflower seeds and almonds
I threw out a lot of clothing/shoes/bags, so I went out and bought some things that I absolutely love. I now have a faux fur, brown evening coat that I’ve long dreamed of owning, a new everyday purse, a vintage, gold, mesh evening purse, new everyday shoes, more sunglasses and some new wedges that may or may not replace the older wedges I’ve had since 2006 (the ones lovingly referred to as my Terminators because of the massive fall that I took in them upon exiting the movie Terminator Salvation). I could show you all of the new pieces, but I’d much rather slide into a room you’re in to show you my new fur coat. However if it annoys you not to see any of these new things that bring my joy, here are two of them.
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Above Photo: Classic Reeboks from DSW
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Above Photo: I also got them in blue
I’ve actually started using tiny drops of facial oil mixed with my nighttime face lotion and even though I’ve only just started to do this, my face is already way less dry when waking up. I don’t know if I can do this in the hotter weather, but for now I’ll keep it up.
I know all of these are old songs, but I recently heard and fell in love with this Taylor Swift song. And this one. And this one. Oh and this one too.
I went to Giorgio’s of Gramercy again (the last time was a few years ago with Nathan) and it’s still great! I haven’t had a steak in awhile, but the one here? Holy hell. Magnificent.
I went to see the new Kubrick 2001 exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image and it was pretty neat. They have one of his Oscars on display in a case, which was actually really cool to see.
I read and reviewed a biography of Johnny Carson that truly sucked.
So Nathan and I are in the middle of watching McMillion$ and can I just say: boooooooooooooooo. I’ve never seen a “documentary” more over-produced, self-indulgent, superfluous and WILDLY overdone. It’s a bloody six part series that could’ve EASILY been an hour and a half movie. If you ever need proof of a documentary having too much money spend, my god have you found it. Of COURSE Mark Wahlberg has something to do with it, this man needs to fucking STOP. I know they are countless other men attached to the project too, but it’s much easier to shit on just him. God, what a waste of time. The Wikipedia page is more succinct.
I watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before 2: P.S. I Still Love You and it was everything I wanted it to be and more. Loved the Adventures in Babysitting reference right off the top (I’ll forever love that movie and it doesn’t get talked about enough), I loved pretty much every musical choice (these are my top three songs from the movie), and I loved the idea of doing another Thanksgiving in March (although I’m pretty sure Chrissy Teigen did this a few years ago and planted that great seed in my head). Definitely the best thing on Netflix at the moment.
Seeing this restored footage of NYC in 1911 is both exciting and eerie as hell, for some reason.
Nathan and I went to the Raptors game that ended their winning streak, sorry about that.
I’ve been consumed with reading so much stuff about what’s going on right now and this was a little helpful: 4 Practical Ways to Prepare Your Home for a Pandemic. Don’t judge me for sharing this link! I’m delirious.
Things that I’m looking forward to this month: visiting Collingwood and going skiing with my family, I might splurge and get that mini birthday cake from Momofuku Milk Bar, and the new season of On My Block comes out on the 11th. I’m pretty into the idea of turning 35, usually I’m more jacked about my birthday month but I think I’m too down to care at the moment. Caring coming soon.
If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in January over here.
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the-record-columns · 7 years ago
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July 19, 2017: Columns
The sermon from my wife was entitled...
By KEN WELBORN
Record Publisher
Often in this space, last week for example, I often revel in the really odd, eclectic, and unusual things that have either been brought in to me, I have found in my travels, I have purchased, or, shall we say with tongue in cheek, have otherwise acquired.
               On Monday of this week I was recounting the stories that go with my chance encounter some years ago with one Joseph Thomas Redding, III, from Long  Beach, California. Joseph was the grandson of legendary businessman, civic leader, entrepreneur, inventor, and the de facto mayor of the Cairo Community, the late J. T. "Big Tom" Redding. I met Joseph when he was in town to settle the estate of his father, J. T. Redding, Jr.
               Over a period of weeks, I was able to acquire some very special items of local history, including some black history items. These include two cement block-making machines which the senior Mr. Redding invented (and the patent model that went with them), all the way to two 9 foot arched doors from the old Damascus Baptist Church-and a plethora of treasures in between.
               There were some really cool old locks in the in-between stuff, and, while locks had never been a focus of my collecting, Kay and Brenda Ball had given me a some locks from the old Thrift Supermarket some time ago. But these at the Redding estate caught my eye and went along well with the other stuff I was loading up. I took what looked like the better one to Harvey Barlow, local locksmith at Wilkes Lock Service on 10th Street here in North Wilkesboro.
               Harvey is not too easy to impress, but his eyebrows did arch up a few times as he looked over my Redding locks, especially an unusual Yale lock, and pronounced the lot of them as "...well worth saving." With that endorsement I proudly placed the locks, along with some Ford wrenches from the same find, on a window frame just outside my office door at The Record. If I can see them often, I will be be reminded to show then to Sonny Church and crow about beating him to the sale.
               So now I am excited about locks, and one evening I happened to be in a place where I really had no business being-at a minimum it was a judgment call-but curiousity won out over judgment. I went inside the building; it was dark, rainy, and leaking and all I had with me was a small flashlight and a flat head screwdriver. As I stumbled around in the dark and dampness, I spied a lock hanging on a door frame.
               My new found interest in locks trumped ( or is that Trumped?) the fact that it was cold and I needed to go top the bathroom. Upon looking closer, I could see the lock was attached to a hasp that had Phillips head screws. Armed only with a flat head screwdriver, I resolved to dig those screws out if necessary, all the while holding the flashlight between my teeth which was making me drool like a baby. After what seemed like forever, I had the lock in hand and managed to get out of the building without breaking a leg so I could find a bathroom.
               I went straight to the office and began to clean up my treasure-WD-40, Gunk Remover, and fine steel wool soon cleared away years of dirt, soot, and grime off the lock. I grabbed my trusty "Carl W's," the jewelers glasses I have which I named after the wonderful jeweler who worked across the street for so many years, Carl W. Steele. With my Carl W's on, the hair on my fingers looks like a tree limb, so I squinted down to see if I had found a Yale, Slaymaker, Master, Hurd or Corbin lock. I found numbers but no name. After more cleaning, I realized that there was a name on the bottom left, but it was so small and full of dirt I still could not read it, Undaunted, I continued cleaning and spraying till the name could be finally read with magnification. I adjusted my Carl W's once again, peered through the three layers of glass at the lettering. I cannot tell you the emotion I felt as I read, stamped clearly on the bottom of my new lock--"Taiwan." When I looked again, it still read, Taiwan.
               I was crushed.
               All that work, basically breaking and entering, enduring the cold, rain, and leaks; enduring personal discomfort to the point of uric poisoning, and all for basically nothing.
               And to top it all off, the only help I got from my wife was a sanctimonious sermon entitled, "You shouldn't have been there to start with."
         Decisions
By LAURA WELBORN
Have you ever acted on something that seemed like a good idea at the moment and then turned out to be a disaster?  I sometimes forget how much everyday decisions can affect our lifes with great consequences both good and bad.  While an immediate need is satisfied, in the long run the decision lasts a long time.  The story of Jacob and Esau (the twins of Isaac and Rebekah) Genesis 25:19-34 where Esau gives up his birth right for food to Jacob, thinking he was going to die anyway.  While this is a dramatic story, it does illustrate how decisions that are made quickly without care thought about how it affects not only ourselves but others as well.
               The Torah guideline is that" every one of us is responsible for the well-being of our neighbors.  What is right is right and wrong is wrong.".  How we treat others is a direct reflection on ourselves. So we must put faith in action with a lantern to our feet and a light to our path so that with power and determination we can accomplish our goals without harming others.
               So how do we keep from making quick decisions?  This goes back to mindfulness.  The
               It's about being silent, and witnessing the thoughts passing through you. Just witnessing at first, not interfering and not even judging, because by judging too rapidly you have lost the pure witness.  The moment you rush to say, "this is good" or "this is bad," you have already grabbed ahold of the chaos.
               It takes a little time to create a gap between the witnessing of thoughts and your reaction to them.  Once the gap is there, though, you realize - that you are not the thoughts themselves, nor the chaos influencing them.  You are the witness, a watcher, who's capable of letting go, changing your mind, and rising above the turmoil.
               And this process of thought-watching is the very alchemy of true mindfulness.  Because as you become more and more deeply rooted in witnessing, the confusing, chaotic thoughts start disappearing and you can make decisions that are thoughtful, and do not lead to harm to yourself or others.  
Continue to move through each day consciously. Make an effort to notice at least one insignificant little frustration that you would normally get frustrated about. Then do yourself a favor and simply let it go.  Experience, in this little way, the freedom of being in control of the way you feel. And realize that you can extend this same level of control to every situation you encounter in life.
   Ice cream, sunsets, and green pigs in the dog days of summer...
BY HEATHER DEAN REPORTER/PHOTOJOURNALIST
This column will not make much sense unless you are like me, and weird and random facts swirl through your brain at warp speed 24/7.  
               I'm absolutely addicted to the "this day in history" and the "this is National (insert bizarre shenanigan here) day. In fact my 2016 office wall calendar had an assignment for everyday every day. I went with a simple calendar this year because it proved entirely too distracting, as my publisher , Ken Welborn, did not feel as strongly as I did every week about the public-at-large needing to know it was National rutabaga day and the story behind it.
               But I digress....  This week Ken and I were fortunate enough to find out that this is National hire a Veteran month. He asked me to work up a little ditty about it on page 7B and I did, and we talked about all the awesome guys we know and love at the local VFW Post 1142.
               But not before he  and my editor Jerry, spent the next 20 minutes finding out what every day in July was, rather  (Allow me to share those most notable in my opinion:) the 8th is “bald is in”, the 10th “don't step on a bee day”, the 13th is “embrace your geekiness day”, the 14th is “Robin Hood day”, the 15th is “National gummy worm day” (which is every day for me as its my my favorite candy ever) the  16th is “national snake day”, (bet my daughter makes a party hat for her pet snake) and the 17th is “yellow pig day”. Now, we don’t have any yellow pigs, here in Wilkes that I know of, but Ken says we did have a Green Pig restaurant..)
               For those of you who like Ice cream, (I’m the odd duck who doesn’t...) July is National ice cream month. It’s also Park and Recreation month, blueberry month, watermelon month (sorry, Justin...) sandwich generation month, (whatever that means, but I love a good sandwich)....
               Well you get the idea. Very little work was done Monday morning cause Heather got distracted by the fun fact tunnel, but we all shared a giggle at some of the absurdities.
               I guess that’s enough of that for one day.  (By the way, today is National Hot Dog and raspberry cake day.)
               So, enjoy talking your house plant for a walk (July 27) in the dog days of summer (July 3 - August 11) and remember you deserve a massage (July 16-22).
 The Hounds of Summer
By Carl White
Warm summer days in the South are not uncommon and the Dog Days of Summer take things to another level. For the most part, we don’t mind sweat because we know it’s good for us. Sweat is an equalizer for all people…somewhat that is.
I recall a conversation with Jenny Biddle in Conway SC. We were talking about the hot weather and the sweat of summer. She reminded me that horses sweat, men perspire and women glisten.  This expression seems to have originated from the Victorian era. I listened as she explained and later I did a bit of research because I know that sometimes etiquette suggest we say things in a politer way, and often, there is good reason.
As it turns out men do in fact sweat or perspire more than women do, by as much as 4-5 times. It is also of interest that horses do have a few things in common with humans and two of those common traits are armpits and sweat. I realize that the horse has legs and not arms, non-the-less the correct expression is armpit and not legpit.
As it relates to sweating or perspiring for men. If you look back in time we will see that the many cultures used the expression that men perspire and animals sweat. But time has progressed and for good or not humans are often classified as sweating.  I even asked three of the ladies at the office if they sweat and each answered yes. One even said that her husband glistened far more than she.
So, what’s all this got to do with summer heat, well just about as much as dogs have to do with the Dog Days of Summer. It’s easy to ponder the lazy days of summer with our dogs stretched out and not eager to do anything that requires a lot of energy or at least not for an extended period. We humans can find ourselves feeling a bit the same. It’s just too hot to do much, the heat seems to take away our energy. We spend much of our energy trying to find ways to cool off.
We have established annual traditions that take us high in the mountain for shade and cooler weather or off to the coast we go to play in the waters and then lay in the sun and crisp our skins, which does in fact make us feel cooler when the burn stops.
The Dog Days of Summer are normally the hottest days of the year and last between early July and mid-August. It all goes back to the Greek, Roman and Egyptian ideas and mythology. The star Sirius which is represented by the dog apparently rises with the sun during this time of the year.
It was thought that when joined with the sun, Sirius A which is the brightest of the stars, and with its smaller counterpart Sirius B creates our hottest, haziest and yes laziest days of the year.
When you consider the geography of Rome, Greece and Egypt compared to the Carolinas, it’s hard to tell if the idea is valid, however it is hard to dismiss the heat of our summer days.
And how can we deny the sweating horses, the perspiring men and the glistening women all surrounded by our beloved lazy hounds of summer.
Please remember to apply sunscreen.
 Carl White is the executive producer and host of the award winning syndicated TV show Carl White’s Life In the Carolinas. The weekly show is now in its seventh year of syndication and can be seen in the Charlotte viewing market on WJZY Fox 46 Saturdays at 12:00 noon. For more on the show visit  www.lifeinthecarolinas.com, You can email Carl White at [email protected].
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askthenewhopespeak · 8 years ago
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Epiphany
Miraz turns the knob, opening the door slightly, light shines from outside before it closes. The boy sighs before turning back to the seats. "It's not my time yet." "Well, the theatre is the spot where we all appear first... I've got no clue if you leaving would mean that you fully die, or if it wouldn't matter... nobody's really ever appeared here while still alive." Yukizome shrugged. "Huh?" Miraz is brought out of his thoughts for the moment seeing Junko fly, looking back at the new person, unfamiliar with her. "Who are you?" Miraz slowly opens his eyes with a groan, the room seemed dark. Was he dead? If he was...figure that the arrow didn't work. That Monokuma probably got up and killed him after he passed out. But again...where was he? Suddenly a light casts over a screen.
The screen shows Damian lying on an operating table, with Hiroko Hagakure standing above him. Before Miraz can fully comprehend the situation, a popcorn bucket is thrust in front of him.
"Eat up, kiddo! This is all you're gonna be eating for a long time if Mamakure can't patch you up!"
His eyes widen at the voice, this confirming his fears slightly. "I'm dying...is this hell? Otherwise I wouldn't be speaking to you would I?"
"Probably." Junko Enoshima tossed a handful of popcorn into her mouth. "Seriously though, this is the best show that's been on since... well, since Komaeda tried to kill that half baked copy." She chuckled slightly. "It was priceless, seeing him toss his arm off a roof like that...
Fear is clear in his voice and on his face as he tries to move away from the Ultimate Despair. "How do you know all this? How are we even watching what's happening to me?"
"You think I know how this place works?" Enoshima laughed. "Hell no! Last thing I remember from the land of the living was the big block coming down on me! Then i got to watch everything... the simulation, the old man's killing game, and this school's reopening!" Her face darkens. "And I saw what Storm's been up to... the bastard's been butchering my image..." A slight grin appears upon her face. "Fair enough, since I butchered... ah, no, nevermind, that's for a different blog..."
Slowly Miraz forces himself to breathe, subconsciously starting to eat popcorn as he forces himself to process everything. "From...from the looks of things I might be screwed. Doomed to watch things with the Ultimate Despair." A dry laugh escapes his throat. "I guess it could be worse. Storm has a better plan than what you did by the way."
"Feh. Storm's not a true Ultimate Despair. I always left my plans open to possible failure, that way I could feel the despair of them failing on me... your "daddy" likes his plans all tied up with a neat bow so he can win them." She grins again. "But I have an advantage over him... you see, I won all the time, because in the end, I either got to see the despair on other people's faces, or feel it myself. Storm though..." She shrugs. "If his plans backfire, he won't win. He'll lose. I would have won... plus, there are things not even your papa knows about..." She grins slyly. "For instance, he's got that gal in your group leaking info to the other ones, right? Does he even know who's in that group?"
"Feeling despair from failure? That's insane!" He says with an incredulous look on his face. "Why would that be a sign of....oh." He frowns, actually thinking on her words before picking up what else she said. "Leaking info? The only people I know in the group is myself, Nat....Red Eyes,and Father himself! Why would any of us leak?"
"Aw, you don't even know..." Junko laughed. "Kiddo, you're way behind the game... maybe you should talk to your papa about that if you make it out alive."
"I'm sure he'll be worried about me so he'll call first...if I live." Miraz says, slumping slightly as the screen changes to Natalie's conversation. "...she isn't going to help me?"
Junko shrugs. "Beats me. But come on, it's not as if you're her actual brother... so why should she care about you?"
"But she saved me!" He snaps looking back at Junko, not noticing Hiyoko's words on what needed to be replaced. "She started listening to me, she knows about this!" He flashes his scarred hand.
"Mm, sure... but you realize what we ultimate despairs do best is stabbing each other in the back, right? Unless you literally brainwash someone, they're always gonna try to one-up you. Man, I shoulda saved that anime for Storm and used it on him.. ooh, speaking of brainwashing, have Mitarai and Not Mitarai fucked yet?" She pouts. "The screen never shows me any of the good shit... pans away before anything exciting happens."
"...she wouldn't do that." Miraz says with less confidence than before, looking back again at the screen in worry. They were despairs...was his small talks with Natalie nothing? Could she have been actually planning to get rid of him from the start? Slowly his thought spiral down a darker train of thought, causing him to truly feel something he hadn't felt since his dad.
Junko grinned. She could tell she was getting to the boy... perfect. Even in death, she'd find a way to undermine Maverick Storm... and if Miraz ended up dying, well, there was simply a new chew toy for her here.
Enoshima was jostled from her thoughts and her seat when a foot shoved her forward, sending her crashing into the next row of seats. A woman who looked slighy older than Junko sat down in her place, kicking the bucket of popcorn away. "Sorry about her... Enoshima's just being a bitch, as per usual. And she's probably excited she's got a new person to mess with..."
"Huh?" Miraz is brought out of his thoughts for the moment seeing Junko fly, looking back at the new person, unfamiliar with her. "Who are you?"
"Chisa Yukizome." Yukizome smiled warmly at Miraz. "Former Hope's Peak teacher and Future Foundation member."
"And kiddy killer!" Enoshima yelled from the next row.
"Oh, hush you." Yukizome threw the mostly empty bucket of popcorn onto the former supermodel's head.
"Hope's Peak..." He mutters glancing down before looking back at the teacher. "She's right about real despairs still...guess that doesn't make me one. I guess I'm useless...my life is over."
"Well, there are a lot better ways to spend your time and effort than helping someone like Maverick Storm try and restore the world to the state it was during the tragedy..." Yukizome shrugged. "Like, stopping him from doing so, for example."
"Oh please, the little snot sees Storm as his daddy, there's no way he'd try to stop him." Enoshima sneered.
"...Storm took care of me during the tragedy. I was alone at the start of the tragedy. I had killed my dad in despair of not reaching Hope's Peak beforehand. I didn't know much to survive for the longest. I could only take what I was able to. Sometimes people attacked me and I'd barely get away. It even got to the point I had to kill others just to live on. Then one day...I got too risky." He says, recounting his time in the tragedy.
Yukizome listens, and as Enoshima opens her mouth to let out a snarky comment, she tosses a shoe at the younger girl, hitting her directly in the mouth. The heel sticks in Junko's mouth, causing the former supermodel to look incredibly ridiculous.
PreNHP Miraz sits on a window seal drawing the red horizon of the city. He uses reds, grays, and black color pencils as he works on sketching. I had already gotten supplies I needed that morning to last a few days so I was doing my best to relax. At some point I had taken up drawing to avoid thinking about the world. Miraz continues his picture until he finished, holding it up to see. A wind blew by, taking my drawing out my hands. Miraz looks in horror reaching out to grab it too late, groaning in annoyance.  I'd work pretty hard on it so letting this one go wasn't something I wanted. Going back into the room he'd barricaded himself in he shoots an makeshift arrow out to zip line after it.  I followed for a while, finally catching it before showing up to something I didn't expect. I saw a group of what I thought to be thugs getting ready to kill a man. Miraz peers down at three men surrounding a thin, dark haired man. At first I was going to move on. I'd seen this everyday. But this time I actually felt...different. So I saved him. Arrows fly into the thugs, supposedly killing them all. Miraz hops down, checking the bodies for anything helpful to him and putting it in his bag. He pauses, turning to offer the stranger food they had in their pocket. After that I moved on, not realizing that the men actually were under the Ultimate Yakuza. cut to a scene of Fuyuhiko standing over the men, taking an arrow in his hand before sending people in the direction Miraz went. When I got back home they had broken in. Any traps I had were useless and they had already begun to burn the place down. Cue Miraz sprinting the hall in fear, Yakuza men following him to a dead end. They dragged me out and I thought I was done for. That is...until the man I saved showed up. A few random civilians with guns attack, Storm trailing behind them. *flash back to the present* "Somehow Storm got me out and away from them, and he did his best to care for me since." 
"I... I can see why you see him as a savior, then..." Yukizome muttered. "But... oh, just hold on..." She clicked her fingers, and the footage on the screen seemed to rewind, before beginning to show a montage of Maverick Storm's life, focusing in particular on the cruel things he's done to others.
Miraz' eyes widen in horror at the things Storm did to his class and people during the tragedy. Among the images he sees Kin and her friends. "But...why did he save me? Was he...using me?"
"Chances are..." Yukizome nodded. "I wasn't in his class, I really only heard about what he did from others... but I believe every word of it. I'm almost certain that he sees everyone as a pawn."
"....I see." He says, looking away from the screen. "I trusted him..." He mutters, thoughts going down again. "I just wanted a normal father."
Yukizome placed her hand on his shoulder in a warm, caring way. "Often times, life isn't kind enough to give us what we want..."
"Yeah." Enoshima added. "Death too! I want butter on my popcorn, but noooo, it's just plain..."
"It certainly seems like life hates me in specific huh?" Miraz says softly with a laugh. Looking up, tears form and threaten to fall. "Mom leaves me behind? Okay, then I'll do my best to make do! When I actually find something I enjoy, I get scarred for it!" He shouts gesturing to his hand, voice slowly breaking as he continues. "Fine, let's go to a place that what I enjoy gets appreciated! NOPE!" He laughs again, tears freely falling as he stands. "Have a fresh dose of despair to take your pain out on your dead-beat of a dad until he's dead! Then you can wallow in guilt as the world goes to hell! Save a random guy and he takes care of you? Nope, he's only using you just like the other person you come to believe a sister! AND NOW!" He gestures at the theater they were in, spinning around with despair evident in his eyes. "I'M DEAD! THERE'S NO WAY I'LL COME BACK FROM THIS! EVEN IF I DO, MY LIFE IS OVER!"
Enoshima smirked, watching Miraz. This was beautiful... and in trying to stop her, Yukizome had only helped out. Though, that was fairly typical of her...
"I'll die...I'll die knowing that I've always been alone, and that with everything I thought I've done was simply useless like me!" He grins, scooping up a tub of popcorn and gazing back at the screen. "What a life, what a short useless life it was. And the best part is I have a seat to my end. Nobody will miss me, nobody will even care. This new Hope's Peak, the staff, the students, all were weary of me from the very beginning. I'm probably just another pawn off the board for my dear 'dad.' And now that I'll be gone, that'll be one less issue out the way.
Yukizome doesn't respond, but the screen splits into three, one part focusing on Kyoji, Hiroko, and Mikan trying to save Damian's life, while another focuses on Peko and Natalie in the waiting room, both looking intensely worried, and the final one showed Yukari's conversation with Fukawa.
Miraz' grin slowly melts away that the different things occuring at once. What were they doing? Sure there was Kyoji and company attempting to save him with bleak chancrs, but what of the others? Yukari seemed...sad for him? Natalie and Peko...they were worried?He doesn't say anything as he starts munching on popcorn for the moment. Anyone who noticed could see his eyes changing from despair to normal emerald color.
On the screen, Mikan wheeled Natalie in, placing her on the bed next to Damian while she began to prepare things for a blood transfusion.
"Please be the wrong type, please be the wrong type..." Enoshima began muttering. Another shoe flew into her forehead.
"...what is she doing? She doesn't care, why would she be trying to save someone who's done nothing but cause trouble?" He asks, expression growing more confused.
"Because she cares about you." Yukizome replied simply.
"But she just worked under him like I. Why would she care if I fell. She'd be better in his eyes." His voice wavers, almost as if he was asking a question he already knew the answer to.
"Maybe she doesn't want to look better to Maverick." Yukizome suggested.
"Or maybe she just wants to kill you herself!" Enoshima said.
A third shoe hit her in the face. "YUKIZOME I'M GONNA SHOVE THESE FUCKING SHOES RIGHT UP YOUR-"
"Oh, shut up, slut. We're dead." Yukizome smirked. "You can't hurt me unless I want you to. And, unlike you, I'm not a masochist.”
Yukizome's words set in his mind as his gaze turns over to Yukari, remembering how she reached out to him, setting up a party, having done nothing but share kindness to him. "...they do care. Why do they care?"
Yukizome smiled gently. "That's something you'll have to ask them."
"Yeah..." The despair in his eyes disappear completely, leaving only a sad smile on Miraz' face. "I will if I live."
"Which you probably won't." Junko scoffed.
"It does seem pretty bad. How badly did I get slashed up?" He asks looking at his body.
"Shirokuma fucked up a bunch of your organs. Including your heart." Enoshima smirked. "So you're pretty much fucked."
Miraz winces, tracing his fingers along his front. "There's no way they can save me in time. That's too much to fix..."
"Maybe. Maybe not." Yukizome shrugged.
"What am I supposed to do if...I don't live?"
"Well... let's hope it doesn't come to that." Yukizome muttered.
"Hope." Miraz' looks at her with deadpan expression before sighing. "I guess that's the only thing I can do now."
"If it's any consolation, it's about all I can do... well, that and babysit." Yukizome shrugged.
Miraz watches Kyoji work before looking to Yukizome with curiosity. "How did you end up here?"
"I died. Simple as that." Yukizome shrugged. "There's a whole bunch of people outside the theater... nobody wants to stay with Enoshima in here for too long, so we take shifts watching her."
"Fun..." He replies, looking back at Junko. "I guess I can see why."
Yukizome glanced down at her wrist, and scowled slightly. "Ruruka was supposed to take over five miniutes ago... ah well, I’m pretty good just sitting here for however long until you're... decided on, let's say."
"There's others out there though right? Couldn't we go out there? Or do I have to stay?"
"Well, the theater is the spot where we all appear first... I've got no clue if you leaving would mean that you fully die, or if it wouldn't matter... nobody's really ever appeared here while still alive." Yukizome shrugged.
"Try it, and let's see what happens!" Enoshima smirked.
Any advice from Junko Enoshima seemed like a bad idea, but while Miraz was concerned if he'd live or not, he was curious what was beyond the door. Looking around the room, he sees a lone exit sign on one side.
"You do what you think is right, Miraz." Yukizome said.
Miraz slowly stands up, walking towards the exit door. Reaching for the handle he pauses, turning back to the theater. Chisa sat to his left with a peaceful smile, Junko on his right with that smirk. Leaving the theater may mean he'd never be able to come back to the land of the living. Was it really better than staying and waiting in suspense? A choice had to be made...
"Do what you think is right." Chisa repeated.
"Wait hold-" Junko began, but Yukizome put her hand over the younger girl's mouth.
Miraz turns the knob, opening the door slightly, light shines from outside before it closes. The boy sighs before turning back to the seats. "It's not my time yet."
Yukizome nodded, returning her gaze the the screen. "Hmm... looks like they're getting close to finishing up... I think you were right about it not yet being your time."
Miraz looks up at the screen with a smile, sitting down next to Yukizome before yawning. "Is it okay to sleep in here?"
"I don't see any harm in it." Yukizome smiled.
Damian nods before his eyes drift close and in a few minutes he's asleep leaning on Yukizome's arm.
Yukizome smiled. It seemed like today was not the day Damian Miraz was going to die... her eyes turned to the screen as she had the footage fast forward...
"What's it looking like so far?" Enoshima asked. 
"Out of all of them... three are definitely going to survive. And two are definitely going to die..." Yukizome muttered. "As for almost everyone else... their fates are up in the air." 
"Heh." Enoshima smirked. "I bet those idiots will get everyone killed..." 
"I disagree. I have faith in everyone..." Yukizome said. "They'll pull through."
"And what happens after..." Junko smirked. "Upupupupu... I can't wait to see the look on their faces..." 
Miraz began to fade from the theater, and the two women watched him go.
"Godspeed, Damian Miraz." Yukizome muttered. 
"I hope he sends an arrow right into Storm's dick." Enoshima smirked. "And then a few more!" 
"You're messed up." Yukizome sighed. 
"Well duh."
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gethealthy18-blog · 5 years ago
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21 Best Valentine’s Day Gifts For Your Husband
New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/21-best-valentines-day-gifts-for-your-husband/
21 Best Valentine’s Day Gifts For Your Husband
21 Best Valentine’s Day Gifts For Your Husband Harini Natarajan Hyderabd040-395603080 January 30, 2020
Valentine’s Day is back, and you have the perfect opportunity to shower some gifts on your husband. If you are dying to show some love to your husband through gifts, here are 21 best Valentine’s Day gift options that are worth considering. This list consists of some thoughtful, novelty, funny, romantic, and super cheesy gift options for your man. Whether he is a businessman who travels frequently, a beer lover, a beard lover, or a techie, these gifts will surprise even the choosiest man.
1. Grow Alpha Beard Beard Brush And Comb Set For Men’s Care
If your man loves growing out his beard, here is the perfect grooming kit you can gift him this Valentine’s Day. This functional gift comes with small mustache scissors, a beard brush, and a mustache comb. This travel-friendly kit consists of brushes with broad bristles that stimulate oil production and remove facial dirt. The bamboo comb massages the skin and keeps your facial hair healthy.
Key Features
High-quality bamboo wood grooming kit
Boar bristles
Eco-friendly and reusable product
Buy it here!
2. Hydro Flask
Want your husband to stay hydrated while working out and throughout the day? Gift him this vacuum-insulated stainless steel flask this Valentine’s Day. This flask is available in a range of vibrant and appealing colors and will become his favorite. It also keeps beverages cold for up to 12 hours when used with the lid. The bottle is made of 18/8 grade stainless steel and is BPA- and phthalate-free.
Key Features
Double-wall insulation to keep the beverages hot or cold for hours
Made using rust-free and corrosion-free stainless steel
Comfortable grip
Durable
Buy it here!
3. Nonda ZUS Smart Car Charger
Give this smart car charger to your techie husband this Valentine’s Day and help him manage his car with a single touch. The smart charger comes with a car-charging app that is compatible with various models of the iPhone. The ZUS app saves your parking location and helps you find or locate your car easily. It is also a great app for recording your business mileage, and it has a parking meter alert feature.
Key Features
You can share your parking location with your friends or family
Locates your car within seconds
The ZUS app records your business mileage
Parking meter alert feature
Buy it here!
4. Brooklyn Brew Shop Everyday IPA Beer Making Kit
Does your husband love beer? Here is a beer-making kit that will make his day. This is the perfect kit for beginners that turns the beer-making process into a fun and adventurous activity. Using this pro kit, you and your husband can make delicious beer at home. The kit includes an IPA-making mix, a glass spirit-filled thermometer, a 1-gallon glass fermenter, a cleanser, a screw-cap stopper, and vinyl tubing.
Key Features
Makes 1 gallon of beer
Natural and organic beer making ingredients
Comes with essential beer-making tools like a glass spirit-filled thermometer, a 1-gallon glass fermenter, a cleanser, a screw-cap stopper, and vinyl tubing
Buy it here!
5. Anker Soundcore Bluetooth Speaker
Here is a thoughtful gift for your music-loving husband. Surprise him with this Anker Bluetooth speaker that offers loud stereo sound and 24-hour play time.  He’ll surely love this speaker that features a built-in mic, offers 66-ft Bluetooth range, and is compatible with all smartphones. It is easy to use and designed with seamless controls. This is a travel-friendly gift that will make your vacations more fun.
Key Features
Deep bass
Extraordinary sound quality
Zero distortion
24 hours of play time
Maintains a strong Bluetooth connection up to 66 ft
Lightweight and travel-friendly
Buy it here!
6. Moji Heated Foam Roller
If your husband is a fitness freak, this heated foam roller is a great gift option for him. It offers intensive heat therapy and is highly effective in reducing muscle pain. It is also great for reducing body pain and releasing trigger points. This is also a great massager for conditions like a stiff neck, muscle spasms,and regular back pain.
Key Features:
Works best on glutes, back, neck, hamstrings, calves, and hips
Two-piece design to target two muscle groups at the same time
Assists muscle recovery and soothes pain
Buy it here!
7. Outlaw Soaps Blazing Saddles Solid Cologne
Surprise him this Valentine’s Day with thisrefreshing solid cologne. This cologne smells luxurious and features the perfect balance of leather, sagebrush, gun powder, and sandalwood fragrances. It is made using natural ingredients like beeswax and cocoa butter. It is bold, impactful, and great for men who like unique fragrances!
Key Features
Smells like campfire, sandalwood, gunpowder, sage, and leather
Organic product
Made using natural ingredients like beeswax, vitamins, and fragrance oils
Buy it here!
8. Kollea Stainless Steel Reusable Ice Cubes Chilling Stones
If your husband loves sipping on ice-cold whiskey or beer, these chilling stones will be a great gift for him. This Valentine’s Day, offer these stainless steel ice cubes that will keep his drinks chilled without diluting them. The stones are made using premium-grade stainless steel and are an exciting gift for spirit lovers. Simply freeze the cubes for an hour and drop them in your drinks to keep them chilled for a long time.
Key Features
Comes with a pair of tongs
Keeps your drinks chilled without diluting them
Made using high-quality stainless steel
Buy it here!
9. Espro Travel Coffee Press
This is a travel-friendly and sturdy stainless steel coffee press and leak-proof mug that you need to get for your husband if he loves coffee. Frequent traveling can make him long for his tasty and delicious coffee when he is on the road. With this mug, he will never feel far from home. This coffee press and no-leak mug are made using insulated, double-walled stainless steel that keeps your coffee hot and yummy for hours.
Key Features
Comes with a double micro filter that keeps your coffee fresh and prevents sludge or grit
The cup prevents your coffee from getting bitter
Durable and insulated mug
Buy it here!
10. Travelambo RFID-Blocking Minimalist Leather Slim Wallet
If your husband needs a super slim and sturdy leather wallet that can easily hold all his cards and cash, gift him the Travelambo Minimalistic Leather Wallet this Valentine ’s Day. This RFID-blocking wallet protects your important information and holds your credit cards, debit cards, cash, ID, and other documents effortlessly. It does not make your pocket look bulky and slides easily into the tightest pockets.
Key Features
12” thick
Made using 100% genuine leather
Features 6 layered card slots
Available in numerous colors
Buy it here!
11. Guento Airus Mens Tie Bar Clips
Treat your gentleman with these amazing tie bar clips and make him look fabulous. This Valentine’s Day, show your love for him with this sophisticated present. The black, gold, and silver finishes of the clips will complement all his shirts and cuff-links. They work with both narrow and broad ties.
Key Features
3 uniquely designed and luxurious tie bar clips
Great for formal events
Fit on both broad and narrow ties
Buy it here!
12. Gift A Cup “Best Husband Ever” Coffee Mug
Even a little gift like a coffee mug can bring a smile on your husband’s face, and this mug will surely make him blush. This ceramic mug with the caption “Best Husband Ever” will melt his heart. So stop wondering and get this heavy-duty and durable mug for your husband.
Key Features
Ceramic mug
Great for hot and cold beverages
Buy it here!
13. Boldloft “You’re Irresistible” His And Her Drinking Glasses
Here’s a romantic and cheesy gift you can buy for your husband this Valentine’s Day. These creative and fun drinking glasses with romantic graphics on both the sides will surely make his day. The set is made of hiball glass and is a perfect Valentine’s Day treat for couples. These glasses will make your husband feel loved as soon as he sets his eyes on them.
Key Features
Durable and sturdy
12-oz glasses
Buy it here!
14. LParkin “Drive Safe, Handsome. I Love You” Keychain
As a wife, you can never not be concerned about your husband. Remind him to drive safe and also how much you love him with this keychain. This little stainless steel keychain features a quote that will remind him of you. This is a great gift if your husband is a trucker or just loves driving.
Key Features
Made using high-quality stainless steel
Nickel- and lead-free key chain with a glossy finish
Buy it here!
15. XMCOSOCS Survival Kit
Who doesn’t want their loved ones to be safe? If you want a thoughtful and functional gift for your husband this Valentine’s Day, gift him this survival kit to help him stay safe. This survival kit will help him if he ever gets stuck in a jungle, on the wild road, or in any dangerous place. The set contains a flashlight, a loud whistle, a keychain LED, a fire starter, a scraper, a versatile tool card, and a compass.
Key Features
Functional and useful tools
Weighs 0.9 kgs
Travel-friendly and compact kit
Consists of all necessary tools for survival in unfavorable conditions
Buy it here!
16. Davidoff Cool Water EDT Spray For Men
Men love cologne, and your husband will not mind if you add another one to his collection. Surprise him with theclassic Davidoff Cool Water EDT.Its fresh fragrance opens with notes of peppermint and lavender that fade into oak moss, geranium, and sandalwood and settle into a warm flow of amber and musk.
Key Features
Made using natural ingredients like honey, wheat flour, whey, and buttermilk
Long-lasting and refreshing scent
Buy it here!
17. FJ Frederick James Engraved “To My Husband” Pocket Watch
Love those vintage style nostalgic gifts? Here is something that will turn your husband’s cheeks red. This romantic pocket watch is an adorable gift option for valentine’s day. The message “To my husband. I loved you then, I love you still. Always have, always will” is beautifully engraved on the cover of the watch, making it a sentimental gift. This watch will remind your husband how much you love him every time he looks at it.
Key Features
Intricate engraving done by professional artists
5cm in diameter
Comes with a chain measuring 40 cm in length
Buy it here!
18. Love Bites Design Company “Sorry This Beard is Taken” T-Shirt
If your husband just can’t get enough of his beard, here is a funny Insta-worthy gift for him. This cute T-shirt that reads “Sorry, this beard is taken” will make him laugh and love you more. This cool T-shirt is made using cotton and polyester, making it super comfortable to wear. It is a lightweight and breathable T-shirt that is great for everyday use.
Key Features
Made using breathable and skin-friendly cotton
Available in 5 different colors
Buy it here!
19. PajamaMania Plush Long Sleeve Fleece Bathrobe
Just like you, your man needs a super soft and comfortable long bathrobe too. If he secretly adores and uses your fluffy bathrobe, gift him this fleece bathrobe this Valentine’s Day to make him feel loved. The robe is available in six bright colors and has a contemporary plaid design. Made using 100% polyester, this robe is soft to touch and will make him feel warm and cozy after a shower.
Key Features
100% polyester
Super soft
Features a hanger loop, a removable belt, 2 front pockets, and a shawl collar
Buy it here!
20. Simple Modern Wanderer Backpack
Whether he is a frequent traveler or likes to go on weekend trips, this functional backpack will become his favorite accessory. It has a thick cushioned laptop compartment and pockets for storing other important gear. It looks stylish and can accommodate all your belongings effortlessly. Available in a range of bright and appealing colors, this backpack features a laptop compartment, a concealed front pocket, an interior file pocket, and a mesh zip pocket on the inside.
Key Features
Suitable for business travel and unplanned weekend getaways
Water-resistant backpack for hiking, camping, and adventure trips
Durable and reinforced zippers for prolonged use
Buy it here!
21. Woodies Wooden Sunglasses with Black Polarized Lens
Gift these wooden sunglasses to him this Valentine’s Day to make him look stylish. These are uniquely designed wooden sunglasses with black polarized lenses. The frame is made using plastic while the arms are made using zebra wood. These anti-reflective glasses offer a comfortable and lightweight fit.
Key Features
Stainless steel durable hinges
Protect from UVA and UVB rays
Buy it here!
 Valentine’s Day is a day for celebrating love, and giving one of thesecute gifts to your husband will make him feel even more special. Offer these wonderful gifts to your husband and show him how much you treasure him!
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Harini Natarajan
Harini has over 12 years of experience in content writing and editing for online media. She specializes in the areas of business, health and wellness, and lifestyle and is proficient in Medical Sciences (Biology, Human Anatomy and Physiology, and Biochemistry). As the Chief Editor, Harini ensures that her team delivers interesting, engaging, and authentic content. Her background in Biomedical Engineering helps her decode and interpret the finer nuances of scientific research for her team. Harini is a certified bibliophile and a closet poet. She also loves dancing and traveling to offbeat destinations.
Source: https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/best-valentine-gift-for-husband/
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newsnigeria · 6 years ago
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Check out New Post published on Ọmọ Oòduà
New Post has been published on http://ooduarere.com/news-from-nigeria/breaking-news/prostate-gland/
Prostate Gland and its effect on Men: Must Read and apply, esp. the part on diet.
A useful talk on Benign Prostate Hyperplasia (BPH) or in simple terms, Enlarged Prostate. Diet is the most important part of this talk which is something within our control; and it works.
FULL TEXT OF PROSTATE HEALTH AWARENESS LECTURE
Gentlemen,
I am here to speak with you on Prostate. The topic is misleading. Is prostate strictly for men? Yes, ONLY men have prostate and ONLY men over 40 years but the healthcare enlightenment is for everyone. There is no woman who does not know a man 40 years and above, father, uncle, brother, son, friend, neighbour, colleague…
Essentially what I will be doing today is health promotion. Responsible health promotion must provide three things:
Information
Reassurance
A plan of action.
Let me start with a background on prostate health.
Everyone has a pair of kidneys. The job of the kidney is to remove waste. It is the LAWMA (waste management company) of your body. Everyday your blood passes through the kidney several times to be filtered. As the blood is filtered, urine is formed and stored in a temporary storage tank called the urinary bladder.
If there were to be no urinary bladder, as a man walks on the road, urine will be dropping.
Now think of the plumbing work in your house. Think of the urinary bladder as the overhead storage tank. From the storage tank, a good plumber will run pipes to other parts of the house, including the kitchen. God in His wisdom ran pipes from our urinary bladder to the tip of the penis. The pipe is called the urethra. Just below the bladder and surrounding the urethra is a little organ called the prostate gland.
The prostate gland is the size of a walnut and weighs about 20grams. Its job is to make the seminal fluid which is stored in the seminal vesicle. During sexual intercourse, seminal fluid comes down the urethra and mixes with the sperms produced in the testicles to form the semen. So semen technically is not sperm. It is sperm + seminal fluid. The seminal fluid lubricates the sperm.
After age 40, for reasons that may be hormonal, the prostate gland begins to enlarge. From 20 grams it may grow to almost 100 grams. As it enlarges, it squeezes the urethra and the man begins to notice changes in the way he urinates.
If you have a son under 10, if he has a little mischief like we all did at that age, when he comes out to urinate, he can target the ceiling and the jet will hit target. Call his father to do same, wahala dey. His urine stream is weak, cannot travel a long distance and sometimes may come straight down on his legs. So he may need to stand in awkward position to urinate.
Not many men will be worried their urine stream cannot hit the ceiling. Toilets are on the floor and not on the ceiling. But other symptoms begin to show.
Terminal Drippling:
The man begins to notice that after urinating and repacking, urine still drops on his pants. This is the reason why after an older man urinates, he has to ring bell. A younger man simply delivers to the last drop and walks away. Just see an older man coming from the bathroom. Sometimes he may clutch the newspaper closely to hide the urine stains, particularly on plain colored trousers.
Hesistancy
At this point you wait longer for the urine flow to start. There are 2 valves that must open for you to urinate – the internal and external sphincters. Both open but because of obstructions in the urethra, you wait longer for the flow to start.
Incomplete Emptying
You have this feeling immediately after urinating that there is still something left.
As all these things happen, the bladder begins to work harder to compensate for the obstruction in the urethra. The frequency of urination goes up. Urgency sets in. Sometimes you have to practically run into the toilet. Nocturia also becomes common. You wake up more than 2 times at night to urinate. Your wife begins to complain.
Men being men may not talk to anyone even at this point. Then the more serious complications start.
Stored urine gets infected and there may be burning sensation when urinating.
Stored urine forms crystals. Crystals come together to form stone either in the bladder or in the kidney. Stones may block the urethra.
Chronic urinary retention sets in. The bladder stores more and more urine. The size of the bladder is 40 – 60cl. A bottle of coke is 50cl. As the bladder stores more urine it can enlarge up to 300cl. An overfilled bladder may leak and this leads to wetting / urinary incontinence. Also the volume may put pressure on the kidney and may lead to kidney damage.
What may likely bring the man to hospital is acute urinary retention. He wakes up one day and he is not able to pass urine.
Everything I have described above is associated with prostate enlargement, technically called benign prostate hyperplasia.
There are other diseases of the prostate like:
Prostatitis – inflammation of the prostate
Prostate cancer – cancer of the prostate.
This discussion is on prostate enlargement.
I have bad news and good news.
The bad news is that everyman will have prostate enlargement if he lives long enough.
The good news is that there are life style changes that can help the man after 40 to maintain optimum prostate health.
Nutrition
Look at what you eat. 33% of all cancers, according to the US National Cancer Institute is related to what we eat. Red meat everyday triples your chances of prostate disease. Milk everyday doubles your risk. Not taking fruits / vegetables daily quadruples your risk.
Tomatoes are very good for men. If that is the only thing your wife can present in the evening, eat it with joy. It has loads of lycopene. Lycopene is the most potent natural antioxidant. Foods that are rich in zinc are also good for men. We recommend pumpkin seeds (ugbogulu). Zinc is about the most essential element for male sexuality and fertility.
Men need more zinc than women. Every time a man ejaculates he loses 15mg of zinc. Zinc is also important for alcohol metabolism. Your liver needs zinc to metabolize alcohol.
Alcohol Consumption
As men begin to have urinary symptoms associated with prostate enlargement, it is important they look at alcohol consumption. More fluid in means more fluid out.
Drink less. Drink slowly.
Exercise
Exercise helps build the muscle tone. Every man should exercise. Men over 40 should avoid high impact exercise like jogging. It puts pressure on the knees. Cycling is bad news for the prostate. We recommend brisk walking.
Sitting
Divided Saddle Chair
When we sit, two-third of our weight rests on the pelvic bones. Men who sit longer are more prone to prostate symptoms. Do not sit for long hours. Walk around as often as you can. Sit on comfortable chairs. We recommend a divided saddle chair if you must sit long hours.
DRESSING
Wear breathable clothing to avoid Prostate Gland cancer
Men should avoid tight underwear. It impacts circulation around the groin and heats it up a bit. While the physiological temperature is 37 degrees, the groin has an optimal temperature of about 33 degrees. Pant is a no – no for men. Wear boxers. Wear breathable clothing.
Smoking
Avoid smoking. It affects blood vessels and impact circulation around the groin.
Sex
Regular sex is good for the prostate.
Celibates are more pronenn to prostate illness. While celibacy is a moral decision, it is not a biological adaptation. Your prostate gland is designed to empty its contents regularly.
Thought: when someone shared something of value with you and benefit from it. You have a moral obligation to share it with others because someone in your friends list might be saved. The subject is very important Please post the message on the largest number of your acquaintances:
“Pieces of lemon in a glass of hot water can save you for the rest of your life,” says Professor Chen Horin, chief executive of the Beijing Military Hospital.
Even if you are busy, you should look at this message and pass it on to others!
Hot lemons can kill cancer cells!
Cut the lemon into three pieces and place it in a cup, then pour hot water, it will become (alkaline water), drink it every day will certainly benefit everyone ..
Hot lemons can once again release an anti-cancer drug.
Hot lemon juice has an effect on cancerous tumors and has shown treatment for all types of cancer.
Treatment with this extract will only destroy the malignant cells and will not affect healthy cells.
Second: The acids and mono-carboxylic acid in lemon juice can regulate hypertension and protect narrow arteries, adjust blood circulation and reduce blood clotting.
After reading, tell someone else and pass it on to someone you love and take care of your personal health.
Advice:
Professor Chen Horin points out that anyone who has received this letter is at least guaranteed to save someone’s life … I have done my part, I hope you will help me to spread it too.🚑🚑🚑
Useful for all MEN over-40:
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What are Heart Sounds?
coronary heart sounds are a regular and involuntary manner. In cardiac auscultation, they can be without difficulty heard through putting a stethoscope on your chest. The 'Lub' is the first sound or the (S1), while Dub is second one or the (S2). basically these vibrations are produced with the aid of the rhythmic contraction and relaxation of the bicuspid/mitral valves, the tricuspid valves, the aortic and the pulmonic valves. while there are any modifications in those sounds, they are termed as heart murmurs and adventitious sounds; S3 and S4 respectively. those are also called gallop rhythms. They may be divided into  sorts - everyday (heartbeat) and unusual coronary heart sounds.
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ordinary heart Sounds:
both S1 and S2 are the outcomes of the reverberation of blood in the valves of the coronary heart. let's have a look at these sorts for my part:
S1: This sound is heard at the time of the systole, which is higher known as the ventricular contraction. The motive of this sound is basically the closure of the bicuspid/mitral and tricuspid valves. The remaining of these valves save you reverse blood waft from ventricle to the arteries. Ventricular contraction and the contraction of the papillary muscular tissues happens at the equal time. This closes the cusps of the valves to avoid the valves blowing into the atria. This process may be very crucial because the ventricular strain may be very excessive at that time.
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S2: the second sound takes place on the cease of the systole; that's the start of a diastole. it's miles audible when the pulmonary and the aortic semilunar valves are closed. while the left ventricle is empty; the ventricular strain is lesser than the strain within the aorta. This causes the aortic blood to flow back into the left ventricle. This float is stopped with the aid of the contraction of the aortic valve. Likewise, while the stress inside the proper ventricle gets below the strain inside the pulmonary artery, the pulmonary valve receives closed.
unusual heart Sounds:
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It takes a number of talent to research these 'peculiar' sounds. there are various techniques to have a look at them. the principle tools are - Electrocardiogram(ECG), chest x-rays, cardiac auscultations, and electrocardiography. The severity of the vibrations depends on their frequency and the density. allow's speak those in my opinion:
cut up S2: break up S2 may be found on the cardiac auscultation of the S2. It happens because of regular physiological respiratory. normally, it's far heard for the duration of suggestion and when the aortic valves and the pulmonary valves, fail to shut in a synchronized way. those splits are:
Physiological split:
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The negative intrathoracic pressure increases all through the foundation and effects in the enlargement of the lung. It additionally will increase the quantity of the blood coming back from the body to the right ventricle and reduces the blood volume lower back from the lungs to the left ventricle. As a end result, the pulmonary valves live open in the course of the systole and the aortic valves near earlier than ordinary. hence the pulmonic component of the S2 delays relative to the aortic A2 element. This postpone is heard as a slight "splitting" of the S2. The difference among the two sounds is much less than 30msec. this will typically be heard in young people at the time of concept inside the pulmonary location. it's far extra clean within the second left intercostal space. in the course of expiration, the intrathoracic stress is less compared to notion. It fails to carry out its everyday characteristic. As a end result the pulmonary valve closes earlier and overlaps the A2.
Pathological cut up:
Pathological importance depends on the diploma of break up. while the diploma of the cut up is maximum, the chances of the heart getting damaged are higher. these splittings of the second one sound might be caused by one of a kind motives:
ordinary or Physiological splitting - ordinary
huge, constant, splitting - Atrial septal illness
huge cut up, (varies with every thought) - Pulmonary stenosis, RBBB (proper bundle branch block )
Paradoxical splitting - Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy
Loud Aortic aspect - Systemic hypertension or Dilated aortic root
smooth Aortic factor - Calcific aortic stenosis
Loud Pulmonary element - Pulmonary hypertension
S3:
It happens speedy after the primary  coronary heart sounds. throughout the early
diastole it can be heard 0.12 to 0.18 seconds after the S2. it's miles audible thru a stethoscope. And it is normal in the people below 40 years of age. as the atrial strain increases, so does the blood go with the flow rate. the principle reasons of S3 is 'congestive heart failure' along with 'put up Myocardial Infarction' and 'associated Dilated Cardiomyopathy with dilated ventricles'. In a few rare instances regurgitation of the mitral valve may additionally end result into the 1/3 sound. boom of blood drift because of left to proper shunts is likewise one of the motives.
S4:
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that is also a low frequency sound which may be heard for the duration of the presystolic duration of diastole. it's far sometimes audible in athletes and youngsters. it's due to a chief disturbance within the blood glide, however while loud it indicates a total failure of the left ventricle. if so, it can be heard in the cardiac apex. If the hassle is with the right ventricle then it's far audible in the sternum and its decrease left hand facet. the main causes are high blood pressure, aortic stenosis, throttled left ventricle, ischemic cardiomyopathy, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. each S3 and S4 also are known as ventricular gallop.
Murmurs: coronary heart murmurs are the made of the audible noises of turbulent blood drift, through the heart valves. they're the whooshing and rasping sounds. whilst the valves do now not close tightly, murmurs arise, because the blood leaks backwards. The degree, region, and timing of the murmur are the maximum crucial factors. An ECG is the fine way to locate the precise cause of the murmur. it is no longer usually related to any extreme ailment. Murmurs are particularly labeled into two types as Systolic and Diastolic murmurs. Aortic regurgitation, Aortic Stenosis, idiopathic hypertrophic subaortic stenosis (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy), Pulmonary stenosis, chronic mitral regurgitation, mitral stenosis, tricuspid regurgitation, acute mitral regurgitation, tricuspid stenosis are the widespread reasons of the murmurs. occasionally the murmurs may also be heard in children. the primary causes of those murmurs are Atrial Septal defect (ASD), Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA), Coarctation of the Aorta and Ventricular Septal defect (VSD). Murmurs including Venous hum, still's murmur, and Pulmonary drift murmurs are a normal part of their improvement and do now not want any unique remedy. Murmurs can be classified into seven types consistent with their region, depth, diploma, time, length, pitch, and radiation. Rheumatic fever, pregnancy, excessive blood stress, anemia, or overactive thyroid glands may be the reasons for a coronary heart murmur.
Clicks:
This peculiar sound appears if there's a sudden pause inside the functioning of the semilunar valve. it's miles typically heard inside the early systolic period. Following are the diverse forms of clicks:
Aortic Ejection click on - these are loud sounds of high frequency. they may be heard at the time of murmurs and feature the identical etiology. they're commonly heard with calcific aortic stenosis due to the non-mobile valves. they're in particular as a result of aortic stenosis, pulmonic stenosis, pulmonary high blood pressure, and dilated pulmonary trunk, mitral aortic valves, and dilated aortic root.
Pulmonic Ejection click on - these sounds arise within the early systolic segment. they are related to murmurs and regularly fade away with notion. they may be formed in the 2d and third fringe of the intercostal space.
Midsystolic click on - it is also referred as overdue systolic murmur syndrome or more generally called "mitral valve prolapse". There are not many seen symptoms of this disease. human beings can lead their lives normally even after you have identified with mitral valve prolapse. it's in most cases seen in the ladies aging 20-40, some men also get stricken by it.
opening Snap: those sounds are associated with mitral stenosis. They occur at some stage in the early diastole, round 50-one hundred msec after the closing of the aortic valve A2. these sounds may be heard in the left lower sternal border and often fade away with inspiration. If the opening snaps are with a slow murmur, then it suggests mitral stenosis. The timing of the outlet snap is important in determining the severity.
Rubs: people suffering with pericarditis, or infection of the pericardium, can also get to pay attention a pericardian rub. this is a sort of scratching, and high-pitched sound produced by using the rubbing of the layers of swollen pericardium. They can be heard within the diastole, but they're the loudest all through the systole.
all of the above sounds can be produced by means of the coronary heart. some of them are critical and some not so extreme. however, now which you recognise what are coronary heart sounds, you better listen cautiously to avoid any disastrous fitness conditions !
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fionacoaton-blog · 7 years ago
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BRCA1 - my story
From start to now I’m sat on my sofa while my 7months old son sleeps on me - not a usual event he just won’t settle today! So I thought I’d use this time to write down my journey in respect of my BRCA1 gene. For those of you who don’t know, BRCA1 (BReast CAncer susceptibility gene) means that the risk of developing breast cancer is at 60-90% and 40-60% of Ovarian cancer (source a beginners guide to BRCA1 and BRCA2). I have this mutation and found this out in the summer of 2013, this was a year on from being told by my dad that he has the mutation which was sparked from my Auntie Ann having breast and ovarian cancer. So the weekend of my 26th Birthday my dad and step mum had come to see me, we were going out for lunch but before we did my dad had something to tell me, I could tell it was something that was cutting him to the core as 1. It must have been tough telling me near my birthday (happy birthday you’re at a high risk of cancer) and 2. This was a parent telling someone he had made that perhaps part of his genetics could harm me. He pulled out a letter and began to explain to me what he’d been up to (blood tests/mammograms) and that he had tested positive for BRCA1 and that there was 50:50 chance of this being passed on to myself and my brother. Now the genetics counsellor told my dad to prepare for the worst, that this would rock my world and I would cry etc. But I didn’t cry, just took on board what he told me and immediately made the decision to also get tested. Looking back it was wasn’t a shock and I have no idea why I had such a pragmatic view on something so life changing! Now I had to wait to be tested myself. The test is a series of blood tests and talks with a genetic counsellor, they explain all the options available to you if the tests come back positive. I believe I had 3 trips to see the counsellor and on the third was results day. I had decided I already had the gene, I just knew. The counsellor sat me and my husband down in her office and was pretty dead pan - basically opened a folder and said ‘you have tested positive for BRCA1. It’s not the type of thing to can put a fluffy coating on. I didn’t feel shocked, I didn’t feel sad - I felt lucky. From that day I had been given a gift, something that so many men and women haven’t been given. I was put a waiting list for Nottingham City Hospital to meet Mr R D MacMillan who had been highly recommended to me. This takes us to late spring 2013. I had my initial consultation and it was decided that I would have a breast reduction to start which would save parts of my breast followed by a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. In the consultation I was shown the implants, could ask every question ever, even the most silliest like would I be able to sleep on my front with implants. My first surgery, looking back, is a blip! I went, I had the reduction and all I can remember is being at home itching to get back to work as I wanted normality. I have no idea why I can’t remember a lot of detail of the first surgery? I do remember the bruising which was a beautiful rainbow of purple and yellow! After this surgery I had gone from a 34ee to a 34c and a wonderful little lollipop scar. This was medal number one. A tick in the box and step closer to deactivating a ticking time bomb. Prior to surgery my surgeon advised me to really really moisturise, so everyday I would cake myself in soap and glory and twice a week exfoliate like a demon! Along with this I was exercising and eating a well balanced diet - which I stand by that hugely helped in my recovery! Following my post surgery check up I placed on the waiting list for operation number 2, the big one! In the lead up to the surgery I made it my focus to be able to run 5k, not a lot to some people but this was a big deal for me, I’d been given a gift of knowing how dangerous my body could be so I wanted to be as fit and as strong as I could get before surgery because this would help with recovery afterwards. So after 2months of practise I got to 5k!! A very proud moment in my life, my own little goal chosen by me and I met it! This was actually for race for life which the race was after my surgery so I wanted to know I could run is before as I most definitely wouldn’t be able to run it after - but I’ll get to that later. The big one, my opportunity to save my life - in part anyway. God the emotions of this breaks me even today. I lived an hour and a half away from the hospital and we’d made the decision to get up early and go over the same day. It was a beautiful spring morning and we got to see the sun rise, but I felt numb and anxious. I knew the hospital, I knew the surgeons and I knew what the pre surgery room looked like, yet none of this comforted me. I had my husband with me and my mum and step dad. My mum helped me put on my gown and my special anti blood clot socks (that was like stuffing sausages!) The busy hive of the ward kept me busy once we were there, with my husband holding my hand and always making me laugh! I was taken to the exam room to be drawn on (felt like I was in an episode of nip/tuck) now that certainly took my mind off the surgery as the room was filled with my surgeon, his junior, an anaesthetist, and 7 junior doctors - there I am at 27 with my boobs out in front of a bunch of strangers being drawn on and photographs being taken! Once that was done I was waiting to go down the theatre, I was second in the list. In those moments of waiting every second felt like an hour! The porter came to get me mid morning and off we went, my husband holding my hand, my mum and step dad pottering along with me on the trolley. I got loving kisses and then I was on my own. I was placed in front of a tv on the trolley while I waiting for them to be ready for me, this was so surreal - there is was sat in a bed I’d just been wheeled from one place another watching homes under the hammer! I always struggle to wake up from surgery and this time was just the same, all I remember is being so so hot and the nurses giggling to me about my underwear choice which made me smile but didn’t cool me down but it made me smile. So that was it, it had been done! I no longer had danger boobs, instead I had implants, with no sensation and drains. Ah! My beautiful drains! These are to collect fluid from the surgery sight and I carried them around with me in little bags for almost 2 weeks! My husband kindly emptied them everyday and measured the amount of fluid and logged it for me. The first few weeks post surgery were very painful, it felt like I had an elephant on my chest and a knife in my back. I couldn’t get comfortable which meant I couldn’t sleep which was causing cramp in my back. I remember we tried to get me comfy on the floor in our living room - WORST. DECISION. EVER!! I cannot even describe what that felt like, I’ve since had a baby and that wasn’t even as nearly as painful! It felt maybe like my whole upper body was in a vice but worse? When it was time to have the drains taken out we went back to Nottingham, the main reason for having them out was not only the fluid being at a low level but the left side where the tube was entering my body had started to leak! Having the drain out wasn’t a comfortable experience, but after the last few weeks it was lovely to get them out as I didn’t have to fight with the spaghetti tubing! Only advice I can give on this is listen the the nurse extracting the drains, she will tell you when to breath so that she can remove the drain in the quickest movement possible. After 3 weeks it was time to get moving again, I started with little walks around the block which made me feel very vulnerable, in a sense that I was only 21days post op and I was still recovering and the further away from my house I was if anything’s happened to me (like fainting) I wasn’t in a comfortable environment. But this started to make me better, I was moving and getting fresh air! And I think at this point I could have a proper shower and wash my hair (not having my husband attempt to wash my hair - I love you Tom but don’t give up the day job!) 5 weeks post surgery I did a 5k walk for race for life, this was signed up to before I’d been given a date for surgery and I was determined to do it with my best friend Nicky. We did it, we nattered there whole way round and we’re so humbled by every one there. She was there in memory of her mum and I was there for my aunty and my genetics. After achieving that little milestone I vowed to get back to getting back to fittest I could be with running and eating a non processed food diet (ok ok I still had the odd treat but I got fit and healthy). 6 months post - this was the hardest part, it was over for everyone else they had been on the journey with me up until the surgery and the recovery - so for them I’d done it and I was Fiona again. But I didn’t feel like Fiona, I didn’t know whose body I was in, I wasn’t prepared for this feeling. I’d had the realisation of what I had been through and it scared me and broke my heart, I’d made such a huge decision and been extremely pragmatic about the whole journey that this range of emotions completely took me by surprise. I felt lost and alone. Which is why I am writing this. For anyone who feels lost and alone about cancer or genetics you are not alone, even when you feel like your sat in a dark room (like I felt) there will always be someone there to turn I light on for you even it’s a dim light or a slow burner - it’s there. Try and find a positive and then hold on to that as that will get you through. This is my journey where I have felt every emotion going, I have only cried I few times about it all, as like I’ve said before this is gift being told you can save yourself to the best of your ability. I was extremely lucky to be part of the 2016 BCAM campaign with Marks and Spencer’s and Breast Cancer Now (which filled me with both guilt and gratitude) I felt guilty as I hadn’t had cancer, I didn’t know what the medication and chemo does to you, I hadn’t lost my hair and I hadn’t an enduring road ahead of me of further medication and test and I was grateful to have these wonderful group of inspirational women being brought into my life to make me realise how lucky I really am. They are strong women who are basically getting on with life as they also know how precious life really is. Anyone being given the opportunity to get BRCA tested, do it, why wouldn’t you do it? If I sat and give you a box and said inside this box is a way to help protect your life would take it, and that’s what knowing is, a way to preserve what you have. My journey isn’t over yet, at some point I’ll be back at hospital to have my ovaries removed as they are also little bombs that could go off but for now that’s at the door and I’m enjoying being a new mummy and a wife and focusing on what makes me happy.
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asegbolu · 7 years ago
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Men My Childhood
FULL TEXT OF PROSTATE HEALTH AWARENESS LECTURE PRESENTED AT MEETING OF FGBMFI (NORTH-GATE CHAPTER)   MEN - MY CHILDHOOD; MY MANHOOD; MY PROSTATE. MUST READ!!   Ladies and Gentlemen,   I am here to speak with you on Prostate. The topic is misleading.   Is Prostate strictly for Men? Yes, ONLY men have prostate and ONLY men over 40years but the healthcare enlightenment is for everyone. There is no woman who does not know a man 40 years and above – Father, Uncle, Brother, Son, Friend, Neighbor, Colleague …   Essentially what I will be doing today is health promotion. Responsible health promotion must provide three things:   1. Information 2. Reassurance 3. A Plan of Action.   Let me start with a background on Prostate Health. Everyone has a pair of kidneys. The job of the kidney is to remove waste. It is the LAWMA (waste management company) of your body. Everyday your blood passes through the kidney several times to be filtered. As the blood is filtered, urine is formed and stored in a temporary storage tank called the urinary bladder.   If there were to be no urinary bladder, as a man walks on the road, urine will be dropping. Now think of the plumbing work in your house. Think of the urinary bladder as the overhead storage tank. From the storage tank, a good plumber will run pipes to other parts of the house, including the kitchen. God in His wisdom ran pipes from our urinary bladder to the tip of the penis. The pipe is called the urethra. Just below the bladder and surrounding the urethra is a little organ called the prostate gland.   The prostate gland is the size of a walnut and weighs about 20grams. Its job is to make the seminal fluid which is stored in the seminal vesicle. During sexual intercourse, seminal fluid comes down the urethra and mixes with the sperms produced in the testicles to form the semen. So semen technically is not sperm. It is sperm + seminal fluid. The seminal fluid lubricates the sperm.   After age 40, for reasons that may be hormonal, the prostate gland begins to enlarge. From 20 grams it may grow to almost 100 grams. As it enlarges, it squeezes the urethra and the man begins to notice changes in the way he urinate.   If you have a son under 10, if he has a little mischief like we all did at that age, when he comes out to urinate, he can target the ceiling and the jet will hit target. Call his father to do same, wahala dey. His urine stream is weak, cannot travel a long distance and sometimes may come straight down on his legs. So he may need to stand in awkward position to urinate.   Not many men will be worried their urine stream cannot hit the ceiling. Toilets are on the floor and not on the ceiling. But other symptoms begin to show.   TERMINAL DRIPPLING: The man begins to notice that after urinating and repacking, urine still drops on his pants. This is the reason why after an older man urinates, he has to ring bell. A younger man simply delivers to the last drop and walks away. Just see an older man coming from the bathroom. Sometimes he may clutch the newspaper closely to hide the urine stains, particularly on plain colored trousers.   HESISTANCY At this point you wait longer for the urine flow to start. There are 2 valves that must open for you to urinate – the internal and external sphincters. Both open but because of obstructions in the urethra, you wait long for the flow to start.   INCOMPLETE EMPTYING You have this feeling immediately after urinating that there is still something left.   As all these things happen, the bladder begins to work harder to compensate for the obstruction in the urethra. The frequency of urination goes up. Urgency sets in. sometimes you have to practically run into the toilet. Nocturia also becomes common. You wake up more than 2 times at night to urinate. Your wife begins to complain.   Men being men may not talk to anyone even at this point. Then the more serious complications start. Stored urine gets infected and there may be burning sensation when urinating.   Stored urine forms crystals. Crystals come together to form stone either in the bladder or in the kidney. Stones may block the urethra. Chronic urinary retention sets in. The bladder stores more and more urine. The size of the bladder is 40 - 60 cl. A bottle of coke is 50cl. As the bladder stores more urine it can enlarge up to 300cl. An overfilled bladder may leak and this leads to wetting / urinary incontinence. Also the volume may put pressure on the kidney and may lead to kidney damage. What may likely bring the man to hospital is acute urinary retention. He wakes up one day and he is not able to pass urine.   Everything I have described above is associated with prostate enlargement, technically called benign prostate hyperplasia.   There are other diseases of the prostate like:   1. Prostatitis – inflammation of the prostate 2. Prostate cancer – cancer of the prostate.   This discussion is on prostate enlargement.   I have bad news and good news.   The bad news is that every man will have prostate enlargement if he lives long enough. The good news is that there are life style changes that can help the man after 40 to maintain optimum prostate health.   Nutrition Look at what you eat. 33% of all cancers, according to the US National Cancer Institute is related to what we eat. Red meat everyday triples your chances of prostate disease. Milk everyday doubles your risk. Not taking fruits / vegetables daily quadruples your risk.   Tomatoes are very good for men. If that is the only thing your wife can present in the evening, eat it with joy. It has loads of lycopene. Lycopene is the most potent natural antioxidant. Foods that are rich in zinc are also good for men. We recommend pumpkin seeds (ugbogulu). Zinc is about the most essential element for male sexuality and fertility.   Men need more zinc than women. Every time a man ejaculates he loses 15mg of zinc. Zinc is also important for alcohol metabolism. Your liver needs zinc to metabolize alcohol.   ALCOHOL CONSUMPTION As men begin to have urinary symptoms associated with prostate enlargement, it is important they look at alcohol consumption. More fluid in means more fluid out.   Drink less. Drink slowly.   EXERCISE Exercise helps build the muscle tone. Every man should exercise. Men over 40 should avoid high impact exercise like jogging. It puts pressure on the knees. Cycling is bad news for the prostate. We recommend brisk walking.   SITTING When we sit, two-third of our weight rests on the pelvic bones. Men who sit longer are more prone to prostate symptoms. Do not sit for long hours. Walk around as often as you can. Sit on comfortable chairs. We recommend a divided saddle chair if you must sit long hours.   DRESSING Men should avoid tight underwear. It impacts circulation around the groin and heats it up a bit. While the physiological temperature is 37 degrees, the groin has an optimal temperature of about 33 degrees. Pant is a no - no for men. Wear boxers.  Wear breathable clothing.   SMOKING Avoid smoking. It affects blood vessels and impact circulation around the groin.   SEX Regular sex is good for the prostate.   Celibates are more prone to prostate illness. While celibacy is a moral decision, it is not a biological adaptation. Your prostate gland is designed to empty its contents regularly.   Thought: when someone share something of value with you and you benefit from it. You have a moral obligation to share it with others because someone in your friends list might be saved. via Blogger http://ift.tt/2sjGqUI
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