#the bleached hair more ~edgy~ looks while she was with calvin

[autumnrory]

saw a tweet basically outright saying taylor has become so sexy because of having a great boyfriend and there's just so much wrong with that sentiment i don't even know where to begin

like?? she was sexy before that man came into the picture? stop making everything she does about the men in her life? saying that is just a less annoying version of being grateful to joe's existence for giving us great songs like! she would write great songs and look hot regardless of these dudes!

if anything i would think she looks so good recently - which is not to say she didn't in the past - because in the last few years she's reached her 30s, she's thriving in her career, she's taking care of herself physically and mentally, particularly in distancing herself somewhat from the parasocial relationship she has with fans (it's still there to an extent, of course, but much less than what it was) like this is not new from the past year but more the last few years like omg you're gonna tell me she wasn't serving looks while she was with joe?? (literally forgetting the overused "can joe alwyn fight" meme) you are acting like she never wore a sexy outfit before last night have you seen her on stage? at awards shows? come the fuck on

also taylor tends to change up her looks with each era so arguably midnights and ttpd have both had sexier vibes but also mayhaps all the apparent confidence is bc she's just growing into herself as an individual and it has nothing to do with her boyfriend?? god forbid taylor be her own person outside of that like she could be hot before the last couple eras and certainly before the current man i'm so sick of people talking about her like this skjdfkjs

[spookykestrel]

Last year I bought a record player.

We drove across town looking for the perfect one, not too expensive but cute. Everywhere was sold out of the brand I liked and I couldn’t find a good one. I finally ordered one online and I checked the mail everyday, so excited. I already had a couple vinyls sitting on my bookshelf, a bright red one by The Happy Fits being my favorite.

The record player was made in 2019. It was baby blue and designed like a vintage suitcase. It took a few tries but we got it working and soon it was all I’d listen to. I don’t spend much time in my room, or even at home anymore, so it’s sits gathering dust, acting more as furniture than anything, but it’s still one of my favorite possessions

I first dyed my hair in seventh grade. My mom wouldn’t let me bleach it and (I still won’t) so I bought a box of purple dye for dark hair. The brand…didn’t work and I was disappointed. Thankfully I had another box of purple from a different company. It turned out so well and I couldn’t wait to show everyone. I dyed my hair the a few more times, the same purple, red, and a teal blue, although faded to a grey-green.

I avoided anything other than warm colors for a while before trying blue again this summer. It was shockingly dark but after a few weeks, the color faded to a sea sick green color. It looked like there was algae growing in my hair. The gross green stayed for months, even after I dyed over it with brown.

Like most people, I started finding my own style after starting high school. I was dealing with my sexuality a lot during this time as well and struggling to a find a label that truly defines me. I felt like I could really fit in with people who were emo and tried so hard to dress like the dwindling emo population in school. I wanted to stand out and have my family notice. Made it a joke how I was so emo and dead inside. And I felt like being lgbt and being emo went hand in hand so I was really just trying to hint to people I wasn’t straight. It lasted for a year at most and the closest I got to being actually emo was having a pair of black ripped jeans and an mcr shirt.

After realizing it wasn’t for me, my wardrobe slowly shifted out of the edgy, black clothes phase. Around this time I started watching some Youtubers — Jessica Kellgren-Fozard and Rachel Maksy specifically — who got me totally fascinated with vintage clothing. I bought a 50s style lemon skirt from Amazon and got so many compliments on it. After that I bought and was gifted a few more vintage dresses. I haven’t worn many in public, I got most of them during the pandemic, but the dresses are so fun and make me feel pretty. I still wear a lot of black eyeliner and I’m never without my docs, but I love incorporating new styles and aesthetics into my wardrobe.

High School has been rough. I think I deserve to say that more than most people, with a global pandemic and shit. It’s been tricky, but encouraged me to do a lot of self reflecting. I’ve thought about my interests and where I am in life, where I’m going. Would younger me think I’m cool? There were days when I was 10 I’d spend all day reading or playing outside past sunset. I’d create wild worlds with my sisters and neighbor and we’d act out those stories for weeks. I had all the confidence in the world, I believed anything could be fixed by a positive mindset.

I miss the days spent at the top of the old tree in my backyard, pretending to be the leader of a cat clan (yes I was that kid) or mimicking Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes. I wish I still had that spirit and creativity. I’ve changed a lot. But not for the worse. I’m still growing, still finding myself. I may not be the same person I was five years ago, but she’s still inside me, reminding me to find joy in the little things in life, keeping me going. When I lie in the grass, bugs crawling over my fingers, or stay up all writing the next chapter of a story, I feel connected to her again.

Somehow I’ve changed so much and not at all. And I like the person I’m turning into. She’s flawed, to be sure, but kind to her friends and has great taste in music.