#the birds get to stay birds because I'm no coward

[monarchburdi]

[angel-of-the-moons]

Ballet dancer reader x khonshu who tries to be his mysterious scary self and the reader just WHIPS her leg up to uppercut his head and crack his skull. Khonshu grabs her leg at the last second and he’s VERY surprised as she looks him DEAD in the eye, “I will FUCK you up. My ballet teacher has been a Russian matriarch since I was 5. You can’t scare me, bitch”. And khonshu’s just “Well mark me down as nervous AND horny!!”

I fucking cackled at this it's so fucking gorgeous

I changed it up a bit for comedic effect but asfghhkkll

Old Birds and New Tricks

Khonshu x Fem!Dancer!Reader

TW/CW: Attempted mugging, reader is a badass, Khonshu pops a boner for the first time in like ever, but nothing explicit happens :)

A/N: I figured you'd get a kick outta this one @drinkingwithkhonshu @juneknight because I'm on the floor with it lmao

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

You were walking home after a long practice session, your toes and legs ached from straining to stay on your tippy toes for so long, your arms cried for relief from the strain of holding the bar, performing so many sweeps and graceful flares alongside your troupe and mentor.

Your mentor, Katja Ivanov was a good teacher and a harsh mentor. She was a hulk of a woman, roped with muscles built over her long period of performing dance (you yourself thought she must have been in prison at some point, too but when you shot the question as a joke she merely laughed; but didn't deny it).

Katja was a woman who took no shit from rude people, and she instilled that in all of you, her dancers, her "baby birds" she called you. She made sure that all of you knew that just because you were dancers, people couldn't take you for granted.

So, after "official" dance practice had ended... Katja taught all of you how to use your strength and flexibility to defend yourselves as well as perform graceful maneuvers.

And it came in handy. Really, really handy.

London was dangerous after dark, the empty streets crawling with bad things in the shadows, like an infection beneath the skin.

That was how you found yourself in an alley, a large drunk man between you and freedom.

You were no quitter, no coward, and instantly, like a computer scanning a file, your brain recollected each one of Katja's lessons and put them into action.

Your body flushed with fresh adrenaline, your heart hammering within the confines of your chest as you whipped around on one foot, your other flying out to kick your assailant in his gut, knocking him back and making him dry heave with the strain.

"I told you, asshole." You hissed, bringing your fists up to guard your face.

"All I got in my bag is my gear. Now piss off before I break your jaw."

"Fuckin'... bitch." The man wheezed as he stumbled out of the alleyway, leaving you behind and feeling the high of victory.

You pick up your bag where you dropped it and slipped the strap back over your chest, the band squishing a bit between your breasts as you tightened it.

"Amusing." A deep, raspy voice mused.

You whipped around, trying in vain to locate the source of the voice. It came from nowhere, but at the same time... it came from everywhere.

"I was merely passing through when I thought to aid you, human." It spoke again, your very bones trembling as the voice bored into your very brain.

"But you seem to have been able to handle that threat on your own."

You pressed your ears hard beneath your hands, gritting your teeth at the invasive feeling the voice left as it crawled in and out of you.

"God! Just--get out of my head!" You say through your gnashed teeth.

You hear an exasperated sigh, and you feel the air shift around you as you lift your gaze, your eyes trailing the body of someone who just appeared in front of you.

He looked like a cliché monster from one of The Mummy movies, draped in linen and flowy robes and everything. The freakin' bird skull completed the freaky visage.

"The hell--" You sputter, dropping your hands from around your ears, taking a step back from the... the thing in front of you.

"Seeing you handle an opponent so large was amusing." He--and you were most certain that he was a he--chuckled grimly. "A tiny little waif like you."

Okay, you didn't care how big and imposing this otherworldly bastard was, the fact he was jabbing at your stature and visual "weaknesses" irked you. You could swear you heard Katja's voice from over your shoulder.

"Kick his ass, да, маленький?" She would jeer.

"You... think I'm... small?" You say slowly, your eyes narrowing to a dangerous glint as he leans in, the smell of the spices clinging to his body wafting into your nose, heat radiating from his lithe body as he bent to your level.

You were giving him a chance to walk it back, maybe apologize for being a judgmental prick, so you wouldn't have to prove once again that you were just the opposite.

He did not.

"You are not as weak as you appear... Little one." He huffed, his head moving in a slight jerking motion, indicating his amusement.

Yeah, no. You had enough of big assholes thinking you were easy pickin's tonight.

You smiled sweetly up at him, your expression completely devoid of any innocence behind the mask of charm. You could see his shoulders drop and head tilt in confusion, but he was given not another moment longer to ponder why you would be smiling.

He expected you to retort, to snap, to--his thoughts were immediately cut off, as you moved in a blur.

Because you effortlessly raised your leg with lightning speed brought on by years of practice, and curled your foot in the classic ballerina's stance and kicked him in his stupid ass beak.

When your shoe made contact, you swore you heard the dry bones crunch as he stumbled back, almost falling flat on his ass before he caught himself with his staff, a grunt coming away from him.

Your hands gripped your bag strap as you looked down at him indignantly, a sense of smug superiority washing over you.

"Not as weak as you thought, now, huh?" You huffed victoriously, before turning on your heels and storming out of the alley.

Khonshu, the god of the Moon, dispenser of Justice and protector of those in the night...

...was just kicked in the face by a tiny woman.

And she actually did manage to crack his bones. They healed almost instantly, of course, thanks to his divinity.

But what didn't heal was his pride as he kneeled in the dirty alley, leaning on his staff for support as he watched you leave.

The look in your eyes, the power behind your legs... It was like the sun came up early and rose with your kick, to wash out the cool light of his moon with the harsh burning rays of daylight.

And it left him stunned. Stunned in a way no mortal has ever been able to.

And, frankly, he found his body responding in... other ways, too. Ways he hadn't indulged in what felt like... eons.

He was a god, yes, but divinity doesn't automatically grant piousness; and he found himself imagining you using your legs in a different way.

Had Khonshu a human mouth, he would be smiling.

He needed to see you again.

🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑🌑

да (pronounced da) = Yes

маленький (pronounced malen'kiy) = Little One

(Forgive me if it's butchered, I used Google translate for it asdfghjkl)

[threepandas]

Bird4Bird Part 1: Yandere!Hawks

Quirk Use Laws? Pretty much forbid anyone NOT a Hero from Flying. Even if they have wings. Even if they were born with them.

Society isn't fair. Never has been.

It doesn't MATTER if you have wings fully capable of carrying you through the skies. Of that freedom so few could only dare dream off. You didn't offer yourself up on the alter of Heroics or the meat grinder of Villiany. Stay on the fucking ground.

You haven't flown since childhood.

Not even so much as gliding. Have gotten in TROUBLE time and again for daring to fully extend them, just to stretch. Long learned to ignore the screaming, begging, jibbering mess of instincts that just... just BEGS you. Pleads with you. To just for a MOMENT...

No one would ever have to KNOW!

.......yeah. Yeah sounds like a lie to you, too. But you can't blame um. It. That part of you. You weren't built for this.

Literally.

Your wings are fucking massive. You've lost count of the times you've clipped door frames. Wall corners. Furniture. They're not DAINTY. Not pretty little short term flight wings, built for flitting about and bright colors. They are TANKY. Meant to carry you and carry you and CARRY YOU. Hold weights most couldn't lift.

You got a LOT of pressure to be a hero as a kid.

Now you most just get a lot of pressure to HAVE kids. Lots of um. Gotta pass on the quirk! Be a good little broodmare! Since, you know, YOU failed to give us what we wanted. It's messed up.

And it's not happening.

Not in a society like THIS. Honestly, you'd get your tubes tied if you COULD FIND A DOCTOR TO DO IT. But again! Quirk. Broodmare. Pop out winged babies. Like HELL you will. Not when they'll never get to fly. Not when it's a life of forced combat for the state or being chained to the ground.

You? You can bear it. You're strong enough. You've HAD to be. But you're not gonna let them do that to any hypothetical kid of yours. You'd sooner fucking die.

Speaking off? Some fuckers never learn. Another "life was mean n unfair so I'm gonna take that out on everyone weaker then me, instead of aiming for the people actually responsible, cause I'm a COWARD" mother fucker. And LOOK! How original! He has bom-...

Wait, FUCK-!!!

The bastard HAD bombs. You, along with most of the idiot "hero chaser~♡!" Crowd you were trying to get PASSED, got thrown back. At least it didn't hit directly. Those up front would have died. Which? From the sounds of panic? Is finally starting to OCCUR to those idiots.

You DON'T SAY? Really. Getting near open combat? Dangerous? Fucking Shocking!

Still, you pull yourself up off your back (fucking OW, you don't sleep on your back for a REASON). Fling your hand forward to let your talons slam onto the concrete (not like it can get any MORE fucked up, who's gonna notice a few holes?) then lever yourself up and forward.

You let the, admittedly, incredible strength of your jacked upper body, do more the just roll you upright. You GRIP. Push off. Muscles rolling under your intentionally baggy clothes as you move, like the apex predator you both are and pretend not to be.

Cause there's kids. There's ALWAYS fuckin kids at these things. They want to see the Heros(~☆™). Want to BE them. Have no goddamned idea how dangerous what they're doing IS because everyone around them treats as safe, normal.

But it's NOT.

And now those kids are hurt and on the ground.

They are scared, confused, and don't know what to do. The adults around them more concerned with saving themselves then protecting the most vulnerable amongst them. You shove passed. It's EASY.

With your wings? With the muscles that came WITH them? The size you got from either your Quirk or just dear ol dad? You are a TANK. If you say move. They MOVE.

You get to the kids. Raptor eyes and sensitivity to blood, perfect for hunting, picking out prey. Even BETTER for picking out boo-boos. That's right everybody, big bird lady, here with band-aids and the reassuring Adult Voice Of Command In A Scary Situation. We're all okay. Everybody together now.

You assess the damage. Not great, could be worse. At least they aren't preschoolers. You nearly got ARRESTED that time for almost punching a cop. The one with the badly twisted ankle can't stand. You haul him up under an arm. You'd toss him over a shoulder, but he'd be exposed.

Time to- The children scream in terror. Your head snaps around, towards the fight. What the HELL have they been DOING?! How has it gotten-!? One of the Villians attacks is headed directly at you and the kids.

FUCK Vigilante Laws. You're not dying today. Neither are these kids!

Your wings snap out to their full size.

Curving like a deep, earth toned, fortress of feathers around you, as you raise them to shield yourself. You activate Strong Bird. (Your dad had Strong Man, your mom had Pretty Bird. Yeah, they thought they were clever when they had a really REALLY powerful avian Quirked kid. Gee! What to name THAT quirk?)

Your wings, already powerful, become nigh unbreakable in their strength. You can't hold it long. But you don't NEED too. Just to tank a hit... that never comes.

You don't know what's happening and you don't CARE. Amateur hour out there nearly got these kids killed TWICE. So the wings stay up. C'mon fledgling, everybody back up, nice 'n slow. Hmm? Yeah. Yeah, sweetheart. JUST like ducklings.

Of course, while the kids get EMTs? (As they should) You get the delightful threat chorus of the City's Finest. Serve and Protect, everybody! You'd grin and bear it... but you kinda have fangs. Lil baby ones. But APPARENTLY they count as "threatening a police officer". Quirkist mother fuc-

"Problem, officer?"

Too close! Hand on shoulder! AAAH, FUCK! You jump. Wing slaming out in reflex, trying to dislodge the "suprise attack". You didn't hear his come up behind you! SILENT MOTHER FUC-!!! You whip around to the sound of snickering.

Delighted eyes more suited to a corvid then the raptor they're attached too, mock back at you. The Avian/Winged Quirks of Japan Golden Boy. Mr. Model himself. Fuckin Hawks, in all his fuckboi glory.

".....I'm not apologizing. You snuck up on me." You growl, FULLY ignoring the offended noise the officer next to makes.

You... do NOT like the corvid grin, Hawks is giving you. He seems fully aware of it.

The longer you both lock eyes... the more your feathers puff up. Shoulders slowly rising to damn near your ears. S...Stop That! I'm BIGGER THEN YOU! I could take you! You... you WANNA GO, you flighty lil shit!?

He reachs forward. Telegraphing his moves. And...?

Tugs at a flight feather.

YOU PUNCH HIM.

The Judge is very understanding. Your lawyer, paid for by Hawks, somehow gets you community service at his agency. (You wish you punched him harder. But those are INSIDE thoughts.) It? Wouldn't be so bad... if he wasn't such a little corvid CREEP.

Always trying to startle you. Endless wing tugging. Staring contests. Stealing your lunch. Stealing BACK your lunch once you've stolen it from HIM. Moving your SHIT. It's like he's TRYING to set off Every Single Instinct You HAVE.

You're gonna kill him.

This is your Supervillian origin story. Mr. "Ooooh~ isn't it a SHAME you can't fly? I can fly!" LORDING his FUCKING LICENSE over you like a [censored in untranslatable Raptor swearing]!!!

If you find! ONE MORE! Of his FUCKING FEATHERS!!! In your shit?! You are gonna running tackling him out the nearest WALL. And frankly? You don't CARE what magazine he's in now! Stop SHOWING YOU! Stop filling your desk! Stop SITTING on your desk! Yeah, yeah, world's greatest hunter. You caught a purse thief today. Woooo. Good for you.

We're it not for the many, MANY witnesses? These Talons would...

"Love to see ya TRY~" the asshole croons, leaning forward, into your space. "You're fast. But I'm FASTER! But hey, maybe ya manage it! Go ahead. Big strong grip, you might even catch me~ DO you WANT to catch me, my lil hunter?"

Condescending FUCKER. What, because he's a hero, you're no threat AT ALL?

You slam your hands down on your desk, either side of him, to pull yourself to your feet. To TOWER above him like a wrathful avian god. You're so furious... you don't notice the way his eyes dilate. The shudder that goes through him.

The way his calculating golden eyes follow you as you storm away, a titan of feathers and wrath, from behind his ever fixed PR mask.

He steals another pen.

He knows it's going to aggravate you. As is the doodling on you paperwork. The swiping of several random pages. The moving your paperweight. Wing tugging. Pay attention to me. Mischief and danger. It's just a passing whim, he tells himself. He'll get bored, he lies. We have nothing in common!

(Cages come in so many shapes. Is your's as unbearable as mine?)

[medusapelagia]

Getting to know you (again) Steddie Big Bang Proj 017

I'm vibrating with excitement because I can finally announce that for the @steddiebang2024 I'll be working with the incredibly talented @boybonebird!!!!!!!

Under the cut a little snippet!

A business proposition, that’s how his father has defined it.

A business proposition: as if it wasn’t going to change Steve’s life entirely.

Richard Harrington dared say to him that he was too spoiled and that, for once, he had to do something for his family after his family did everything for him. For a moment Steve thought he meant to ask him to join the family company, which would have been surprising, but not as much as the real thing he asked of him: use his good looks to get a good marriage. 

A normal person would have screamed that he was crazy, that he wasn’t going to get married to a stranger just because Richard Harrington thought that a good name could have cleaned the shadow from their family’s past. A normal person would have left storming out of the room and slamming the door behind him promising not to get back. A normal person. Not Steve. Steve took his glass of whisky, swirled the amber liquid in the glass, gulped it down, and accepted the proposition because he is nothing more than a fucking coward and the idea of leaving his comfortable life scares him more than the idea to marry someone he has never seen before.

He hasn’t even taken a look at the picture his father has slid toward him, he has just left quickly with an excuse and has run back to his apartment like a fucking child. Now, finally, at home, Steve grabs a bottle of beer from his fridge and goes to the terrace, trying to breathe for a moment. 

The view from the penthouse is always incredible. He looks down at the lights of the cars that move like swarms of little fireflies and sips some beer. The drink in his hand is getting warm, while he swirls the bottle mindlessly, sitting on the ledge, staring at the town moving frantically under him.

One wrong movement and Steve Harrington, scion of the Harrington family, will be just a bloody mess on the pavement, and finally free from his family obligation.

The chirping of the birds that are flying in the white metal cage in his living room, attracts Steve’s attention. His mother has a huge pagoda-shaped aviary at their mansion and she has chosen that couple of birds, especially for Steve. They are lovebirds, or at least that's how they are called, Steve is pretty sure that his mom knows their scientific name and all the other very important information that concerns them, what he knows is that they are colorful, they sing and that they are supposed to be together for life or some shit like that. 

Do they know that they are in a cage, Steve wonders. Do they know that there is so much more than the little space they are allowed to fly in? What would they do if given the opportunity to fly away? Would they just leave or would they stay?

[frootloopscos]

Welcome to the Villians' World (6)

Previously

"Well this is partially your responsibility you know! So help me catch the furball! The useless bodyguard here can't use magic so that means it's up to me and you!"  And just like that, the two boys began to chase after Grim.

Now

The two boys managed to chase the monster cat into the Cafeteria. Ace groaned trying to catch the quick cat in his arms, "argh! Stop jumping around like that!" He yelled as Grim avoided him, "heh heh heh! Catch me if you can!" Grim yelled back as he avoided the ginger again. Deuce glared at Grim, "no fair climbing onto the chandelier, you coward!" He yelled at the cat, "I haven't really learned flight magic yet. . . What could I summon to hold onto him...? Hmmm... Oh! That's it!" He yelled suddenly getting an idea.

"Did you come up with somethi- Oi, hey! Stop! What are you doing?! Why are you pointing your pen at the bodyguard?!" Ace yelled, "because I'm going to launch them." Deuce said, (Y/n)'s eyes widen, "what?! No way in hell will this end well! Don't use your magic on me!" They yelled as they began to rise into the air, "seriously, do not launch them! Abort! ABORT!!" Ace yelled at Deuce remembering the punishment he tried to avoid after he had injured the bodyguard.

Deuce shook his head, "just make sure to grab him tight. I've got him in my sights, and... Go!" He yelled before throwing (Y/n) at the chandelier. Grim yells in surprise as (Y/n) reaches out to grab the cat before they end up being thrown into the fragile light figure. The two of them fall to the floor and (Y/n) hisses as they land on their back, holding Grim to their chest. Ace coughs as dust from the debris fill the air. "I cannot believe you just did that!" He yelled at Deuce.

Grim groaned in (Y/n)'s arms, "oh right! I probably should have come up with a way to soften your landing after you caught him..." Deuce said looking at the demon slayer on the ground. "You complete and total moron! We got Grim, but we hurt the bodyguard and broke the chandelier! If the headmage finds out about this—" Ace was interrupted by Crowley appearing, "if I find out about what, dear Ace?" He asked crossing his arms with a glare.

Ace's eyes widen seeing the bird man, "ah! Headmage Crowley!" "YOU. THREE. AGAIN. What have you done this time?!" Crowley yelled at the three teens and the monster cat. Grim groans as he lays on (Y/n)'s chest. "Myaaah... Everything's spinning..." Crowley's widen seeing his bodyguard on the ground with the broken chandelier, "first you attempt to burn them alive, that wasn't enough for you? Now you've injured them again and destroyed a chandelier?! Enough. All of you are expelled." Crowley said as he carefully helped (Y/n) off the ground and using his magic to hold Grim.

Ace and Deuce looked at him in shock, "what?!" They asked in surprise, "headmage, please! Give me a second chance! I can't get expelled from this school! I need to be here!" Deuce said to Crowley, "then blame yourself for your own foolish behavior." The headmage said, "I'll pay for the damages and for the bodyguard's medical bills! However much it costs!" He said in response, clearly desperate to stay in the school, Crowley shook his head.

"That chandelier is no mere light fixture. It is a magical chandelier. Its candles are powered by a magical energy source, enchanted so that they will burn for eternity. It was created for us by a legendary artificer. Possibly their finest creation. It has been here since the school was established, and I imagined it would be here forevermore. Considering its historical value, I would estimate its worth to be no less than a billion thaumarks. And you intend to repay that sum? Not only that but our bodyguard isn't from our world so they can't be while with minor magic, Professor Crewel is the one who helped heal them earlier." He stated glaring at the boys.

"A... A billion marks?!" Deuce asked in surprise and horror. "B-but I'm sure with your magical talent, sir you could snap your fingers and fix it right up!" Ace said trying to help out his dorm mate. "Even magic has its limits. Furthermore, its magestone — the figurative heart of any magical artifact — is cracked. A magestone cannot easily be replaced. I fear the candles of this majestic chandelier will never burn again." He said in fake remorse. (Y/n) groaned quietly in pain.

"This is bad..." Ace said looking to Deuce, "what am I going to do?! How am I going to tell my mother...?" Deuce said sadly, Crowley hummed in thought and then got an idea. "Ah! But there may be one way. One tiny sliver of a chance to repair this chandelier." Both the teens looked at him, "there is?!" They asked and Crowley nods, "the magestone that powered this chandelier was mined from the Dwarfs' Mine. If you can acquire a magestone with the same properties, it may be possible to repair it." He said with another nod as he gently rubbed (Y/n)'s back.

"Then I'll go find a magestone!" Deuce said, "with your permission, sir!" Crowley looked at him, "I should caution you that I cannot promise 5$343 yet remain magestones to find. The mines were closed quite some time ago. It is quite likely that all of the magestones have already been mined." Deuce nods with a determined look, "I will do anything to avoid expulsion, sir!" Crowley nods, "well then. I will suspend your expulsion for a single night. But if you fail to return with a magestone by morning, then all of you are expelled. Well, besides the bodyguard."

"I understand sir. Thank you very much for this opportunity!" Deuce said and Ace sighs, "fine then. Let's hurry down there, find a magestone, and get this whole thing done with." Crowley wraps an arm around (Y/n) as they lean on him. "You should be able to reach the Dwarfs' Mine instantly by using one of the gates in the Mirror Chamber."

——

After (Y/n) was taken care of by Crewel again, but to the adults anger at Crowley. They, Ace, Deuce, and Grim all stood in the Mirror Champer after they had volunteered to help the boys with their punishment. "Man, how did I end up in this mess? I swear, I have the worst luck." Ace said rubbing the nape of his neck. "We don't have time to complain. Let's go," Deuce said before turning to the mirror. "Dark Mirror! Take us to the Dwarfs' Mine!" The mirror lights up and the three of them enter one of the coffins to be transported to the Dwarfs' Mine.

——

Hey y'all! I'm going to try and update this more than I have been before!

Word count: 1155

Published to Wattpad: Nov. 5th, 2023

Published to Tumblr: April 24th, 2024

Edited: n/a

[worriedvision]

Carving (Part 2) - Tighnari

Gender neutral reader, part 1 here. Reader is in danger in this part, Tighnari comes to save them.

--

How did you get here?

Well, you got an urgent letter from the adventurer's guild. Apparently, someone inexperienced decided to venture into the more difficult parts of the rainforest. Specifically, they were fixated on exploring caves, and for some reason they hadn't returned within the past few days.

You found them easily enough, simply stranded at the bottom of a cave because they forgot they needed to have a way out as well as a way in.

After creating an exit route using some vines, the adventurer scrambles to get climbing. When they reach the top, you're at the midpoint, and because of their scrambling you land up getting tangled up in the makeshift ladder. You hear a snap, and you hit the ground quite hard considering your limbs were now restricted. The adventurer, like the coward they are, runs away home instead of getting help. Your dusk bird, of course, was the one to find out, and after realising you couldn't safely get out of the vine trap you were now in, flies off to get help the moment it realises its beak can't tear open the vines. Even if it could, it wasn't like you didn't have any damage, and your dusk bird learned to act off its own instinct instead of your word.

--

Tighnari was in the middle of his report for the day, assigning various tasks, when he feels something nipping at the top of his head. Looking up, he spots a dusk bird. After getting his attention, the dusk bird flies towards the cave you're stuck in, only to realise he isn't following along. Flying back, it starts to actively nip at his arm.

"Argh! Don't make me cook you." Tighnari huffs, swatting it away as he watches it, once again, fly in the same direction it previously did. "Wait here. Those of you who have tasks, I trust you can get on with those." Tighnari states, following the bird out of intrigue. Usually, dusk birds were known for being messengers, delivering letters. This one piqued his curiosity, and he would rather follow this bird since it seemed to be seeking some sort of assistance.

Reaching the cave, the bird hovers above you before starting to descend, causing Tighnari to finally spot you. You landed up losing consciousness, the adrenaline from hitting the ground work off. Tighnari makes his way down, chipping at an escape route before picking you up. The dusk bird starts making noise in Tighnaris ear loudly, making him flinch.

"I'm going to treat your owner." Tighnari reassures the bird. When the bird yanks lightly at his ear, he groans out before he shakes the bird off. "Don't make me change my mind."

--

You finally woke up, in a familiar bed, and your bird is sitting on your lap. Reaching out, you give it a reassuring pet that it did the right job, and your dusk bird gladly leans into it, before Tighnari enters the room. The bird starts to spread its wings out, cawing at Tighnari to stay away from you.

"Don't worry, he's someone you can trust." You explain, the bird reluctantly standing down before resting in your lap.

"Why were you down there, _? You're known for helping get people out of a difficult spot." Tighnari asks.

"Well, I have this letter from the adventurer's guild."

"Was this that inexperienced adventurer again?"

"Yes." You elaborate. "I made a ladder out of the vines I could see, and I was making my way up and the vine snapped."

"Bad man! Cowsrd!" Your bird parrots out.

"I'll have to take legal action against that person. On a few occasions, we have had to spend considerable time saving them." He tuts out.

You get up, but Tighnari pushes you down.

"No, you need to rest." Tighnari stops you.

"I can do that at home. Besides, I'm not exactly allowed in the forest after the carving incident."

"I know that was your ex boyfriend." Tighnari sighs out. "I was hoping I could come across you one day to apologise for accusing you, but I never saw you."

"Well, yeah. That letter you delivered that forbade me from being in the forest made it clear." You roll your eyes, crossing your arms.

"I've missed seeing you, you know." Tighnari admits, the bird slowly turning to glare at him. "Uh, what happened with your dusk bird?"

"Well this little guy was rescued by myself. After discovering the bird was going to be put down due to failure to follow orders, I took care of him. Now, he's my companion."

"Why is it so aggressive?" Tighnari asks.

"Well, he's seen the early days of me being banned from being around you." You explain. "He probably doesn't trust you..."

"Well, I'm sure he can learn." Tighnari shrugs his shoulders. "Your bird has a mean peck, you know that?"

--

After you did recover, Tighnari walked you home. His excuse was you needed someone to escort you, but you knew he just wanted to spend more time with you. Your dusk bird seems adamant that Tighnari should see the letters you never sent, making noise by the letters you couldn't burn, and Tighnari promises to take them home.

Upon returning home, he goes through the heartache of seeing how your emotions progressively got worse. He could pinpoint the day your boyfriend became your ex. Your penmanship got worse towards the end when you made your way through half a word, trailing off after realising you weren't allowed to contact him.

Pulling out his paper, Tighnari begins to write an apology letter, as well as inviting you to have dinner with him whenever you are available (of course, allowing your dusk bird to come along).

[crimeronan]

dogbird asker, i meant luz as the dog and hunter as the bird. unsure how i messed that up. anyway here is some lyrical analysis:

"Sorry that I’m scared of thunder like a dog I know that you love rain But I cry when something shakes the walls Tail between my legs I scratch while you relax Ruffling feathers watching storm clouds pass Hoping I’ll make you hate the thunder too Digging in my claws will make you hate me too"

this ENTIRE first verse is very much luz considering EVERYTHING she does that even slightly hurts him an act to hurt hunter on purpose. definitely. and that last line - yeah. she wants him to hate her so bad.

"I wish I could take you back to California Where you’ve never heard of creatures like me Little Bird won’t you fly away Little Bird won’t you fly away"

this entire part of the chorus.. mmm. i wish you had never heard of creatures like me (humans) and you need to leave. please leave for your own sake.

"And sorry that I roll over to my folks It’s not that I’m ashamed"

luz being forced to isolate hunter and bend to belos's whims for so so long to protect him. she has to roll over unless he gets hurt.

"I’m a hunting breed And bird is all they eat If they sniff you out, they gnash their teeth"

luz feeling so SO fucking guilty about being human. all she knows of humans is that they hurt witches like hunter (im a hunting breed). she thinks its in her blood to hurt him too now. oh baby...

"I’m a coward scared of living outside Even if it means I crush you at my side"

luz cant ever live outside. she wont let herself leave the castle, the isles, because of her duty, and therefore hunter has to stay too. even though hes miserable. and she feels like shes destroying him, at her side..

"Don’t you fear me? Hunting songbirds in my sleep"

luz murdering hunter nightmares, do i need to say more.

"Sorry that I don’t treat you like I should I only lick my wounds Teeth bared, and snap “You’re all that’s good”"

luz being so stuck handling her own issues that she cant help him, even though he helps her so much. he keeps giving but she knows hes gonna go empty, she knows it. but hes all thats good.

"If I chase you away I’m back to chasing tail Running circles after what was real And maybe one day I’ll catch it, and I’ll cry Wishing that little songbird was still mine"

this last bit admittedly doesnt fit the best. but its too me her fear that she'll end up like belos. what if he comes to his sense and escapes and she hates him for it? what if shes just like him, what if she'll go in circles trying to recreate hunter? running circles after what was real like belos? she'll catch a "hunter" and she'll fucking hate it because it isnt her hunter?

WAHH.... my girl.... yeah.... :(

your mixup was actually pretty serendipitous given JUST HOW STRONGLY i saw hunter when the POVs were swapped. just goes to show how deeply luz and hunter are wrestling with the same feelings, just through slightly different lenses....

i'll swap you the hunter POV thoughts i had!

"Sorry that I’m scared of thunder like a dog I know that you love rain But I cry when something shakes the walls"

everything when they were kids, hunter trying to keep luz out of trouble, hunter being the one who's always SO keyed up and aware of danger around them

-

"Tail between my legs I scratch while you relax Ruffling feathers watching storm clouds pass"

every early bit pre-horrors where luz notes how tense and anxious hunter gets around belos, around other people in the castle, around conflict, around all these things that have (at least she'd like to believe) never hurt luz

-

"Hoping I’ll make you hate the thunder too Digging in my claws will make you hate me too"

the push and pull between "i need to keep you safe and none of the things we do are safe" and "if i make you follow the rules i'm gonna suffocate you"

-

"I can’t stand you in my bed You’re too gentle I need you to hurt me back instead"

self-explanatory. the "you're too good for me" goes both ways baybey!

-

"I wish I could take you back to California Where you’ve never heard of creatures like me Little Bird won’t you fly away"

HE WANTS TO GET HER OUT OF THE CASTLE SO BADDD.... he can't quite wish that she'd never come to the isles but he's sick with himself for that because he's sure she'd be happier with a human life.

also bonus in that hunter doesn't actually Know about all the grimwalker horrors, but wow. it Sure Fucking Would Be Nice for luz to have never heard of creatures like him, huh,

-

"And sorry that I roll over to my folks It’s not that I’m ashamed But they keep me on the leash to choke"

this is also hunter about belos. love that these two kids are so completely fucked up because of that guy. leave them alone!!

-

"I’m a hunting breed And bird is all they eat If they sniff you out, they gnash their teeth"

hunter knowing how much luz loves wild magic and how much wild magic loves her and being Fucking Terrified of belos finding out about that. and fucking terrified of belos hurting her in general.

also. hunter the hunting breed indeed

-

"I’m a coward scared of living outside Even if it means I crush you at my side"

hunter feeling guilty that he never ran away with luz when they were kids or otherwise Got Her The Fuck Out Of There...

-

"When the bell rings My mouth waters I’m a habit That won’t alter"

hunter in the present day where the timeline is at right now feeling like he's drowning because he doesn't know how to apply his Protect Luz skillsets when belos is dead and luz's greatest enemy is herself...

-

"I’m an instinct Don’t you fear me? Hunting songbirds in my sleep"

not quite as neat a nightmare parallel for hunter, but wow this can just be. Boy Who Has Killed So Many People

-

"Sorry that I don’t treat you like I should I only lick my wounds Teeth bared, and snap “You’re all that’s good”"

every fight they've ever had with hunter going "why won't you accept that i love you. you are the only decent person in the entire world" and luz going "THAT IS WHY"

-

"If I chase you away I’m back to chasing tail Running circles after what was real And maybe one day I’ll catch it, and I’ll cry Wishing that little songbird was still mine"

boys who are So Fucking Freaked Out by the thought of any kind of future without luz. while also forcing themselves to be okay with it as long as she's alive and happy somewhere. it's Fine. It's Fine. It's Fine...

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Thranduil and Josie Pt. 151- World of Wonders

Summary: Narcisse becomes unglued. Lola and Josie have a heart to heart about love. A warlock's sweetness heals. Narcisse tells an evil tale. A nightmare comes.

*Warnings* language, angst, death, drinking,

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

"What do you mean it's personal??" you asked Narcisse as his blue eyes mourned in rage over the dead guards before him.

"Not here." he insisted and then turned to his living defenders.

"I want all of you to find where the breach to my castle is and seal it tight, and I want every inch of my grounds, inside and out searched for Harker. Put two guards on my brother's door and two of you, escort Jo and myself back to her chambers and maintain watch there. I want another two on the ground below her balcony. The lockdown will remain in effect and I want more patrol on the borders."

He took your hand to lead you up the long flight of stairs from the dungeon as he could see your balance was a bit unstable.

"NO...you can't touch me remember??" you gasped and pulled away.

Stephane walked right up to you, inches from your face and held it in his hands. "I...don't...care....if I can draw any of that poison out of you by taking it into me, then so be it. You have saved my life more than once, it is the least I can do, and it's not because I feel obligated, it's because...."

He paused and lowered his eyes, appearing to be cautious of his words....and then he deflected.

"We need to go Jo...come on."

You were panting and sweating by the time you both returned to ground level, almost unable to go on as you grabbed the wall. Narcisse whisked you up in his arms and carried you and then he became cross and enraged when he found a large gathering of his guard near the dining hall doing absolutely nothing. He sat you down on a bench and came completely undone as you watched with wide eyes, the veins in his forehead slowly grow to a bursting state.

"I want someone to tell me how ONE simple warlock was able to gain access to my castle, my grounds even, yet once again when there are hundreds of you?!! What do I compensate you for?? To get drunk, play with your cocks and cast stones at birds??? Or better yet, to betray me with criminal activities??? I have been too damn lenient on those who have crossed me but mark my words here and now. I will stand for it no more! I will not excuse traitors or worthless warlocks such as what my eyes have fallen upon just now! Unlike Asher, I will remove more than your dicks and I will serve it all to you Catherine style with a side of poison. Many of you have power, many of you can fly!! So get your ass's up in the air and find Harker and the rest of you, do your damn jobs and seal this castle and the borders off!! I have five dead men at Harker's hand and there will be more at mine if I deem it necessary! I have a very hungry and angry tiger just waiting for a meal if you prefer to be cowards against one...ONE FUCKING WARLOCK. I want him found. There are children in this castle that he will not hesitate to harm and that will...not..happen!"

Narcisse picked you back up and carried you off back to your room without saying a word. You clung to him tight, your face buried in his heated neck which made his peppermint scent intensify and your nausea decrease.

"Stephane..." you mumbled against his soothing skin as he neared your door. His soft reply and tiny stubble vibrated over your lips, slightly tickling them and other parts of you that you shouldn't have even been thinking of at that time.

"I'm right here Jo. We are at your chambers now."

You lifted your head and found his now calm eyes. "You...you called me your...love...earlier, when you came back..."

His radiant blues offered a swift sparkle as they danced through your eyes and he smiled.

"That's because you are...my love...I...I am so glad you have chosen to stay with me. Jo...I....lo..."

Your chamber door swung open and both of your heads swung too, to see a very frustrated but relieved Haldir staring at you in the arms of the warlock lord.

Narcisse carried you inside as the guards took their post outside as ordered.

"Can you stand, my lo...lady?" he asked, minding his words in front of Haldir, but only for your sake to avoid an argument with the marchwarden.

"Yes...Stephane...I...I feel almost healed? I..I could swear it was your scent and skin contact...do you...feel sick?"

"No...Jo...about that...I. We need to talk as you know. But for now, I need to go check on my brother and son and then assist in finding Harker. It would seem if you want something done around here, you must do it yourself. I will return later with an update. Food will be brought and approved by the guards. For the time being, stay locked inside until you hear from me personally, no exceptions and then if all is well... I will...see you later tonight for our date continuation? After all, my chamber IS right across the hall, so you would only be feet away from your daughter."

"I...I'd like that." you answered with fluttery eyes as you gazed into his.

Stephane smiled and ran his fingers down your curled bangs and then left.

"I shall leave you to prepare for your date.." Haldir flatly said and attempted to leave.

"Wait what? You can't leave, not now?" you reeled and grabbed his arm, spinning him around.

"You have everything you need it would seem." he retorted and pulled his arm free and walked away.

You ran in front of him and planted yourself against the door.

"Haldir, stop it. I need YOU. It's not a date. We just have things to discuss."

"I do believe I heard the word date exit his mouth just as my elf ears heard the two of you outside the door just now. You have made your choice it would seem."

"Haldir, let me explain...I was going to tell you, but so much has been happening and.."

"You owe me no explanations. Now can you please step aside?"

"Well apparently I do! You're clearly upset..."

"Upset? No Jo. Saddened yes, for you have no idea what you are doing anymore and anything I have to say angers you. You do not need me Jo, that is unless Narcisse or Garrett are not available, but of course, I will still be here for when you do, for I too am also across the hall. Please move. I will not ask again."

"Or what? I'm not mov..."

His lips pursed and his hands slid under your arm pits. You gasped and squeaked as he hoisted you up a good two feet off the ground and then firmly plopped you down on the other side of him.

"That is what." he snapped and walked out.

"Arrrgh!!" you shouted with a foot stomp as the door closed.

"He clearly loves you very much." Lola chimed in, startling you into a spin around, for she had been so silent, you had forgotten she was in the room.

You held your chest and sighed as you closed your eyes. "I...I know he does and I feel...god I don't even know what I feel anymore Lola."

"Because you are trying to force yourself to feel something when you are indeed numb..."

You gazed at her like a deer in the headlights at just how correct she was. You went and sat beside her at the table, bringing two glasses and the carafe of whiskey with you as Leean slept in her crib.

"Oh my lady, I musn't..and it's a bit early.."

"Yes you must. We both must. We are confined in this room until further notice and there is a mad warlock on the loose. What better reason to indulge in some stress relieving liquid. Besides, it's 5 o'clock all the time in Dorwinion....or pretty much anywhere in middle earth."

"The water will do the same."

"The water is not wicked and I like wicked." you grinned as you knocked a glass back in two big gulps, cringing at the burn.

"Now...it would seem you speak from experience when you speak of feelings? Is it...Charles? You both seem so happy."

"Oh noooo, my lady..."

"It's Josie...remember?"

"Oh, yes. I am still adjusting to actually having a ...friend....if I may call you that also? You're the only one I have ever had."

"Of course Lola. Of course you're my friend and I love you. We all do." you assured her as you placed your hand on hers.

"So, you and Charles are not..?? You know..."

Lola blushed and fondled her glass as she stared at the untouched golden goodness.

"No. I mean...I like him and..he likes me but...."

You tilted your head, gazing at her, but her eyes remained on her fidgeting hands.

"Butttt...Lola...is there...someone else you...like more?"

Now the ebony haired girl turned beet red as she bashfully giggled.

"Lola?? DO telll me." you chuckled. "Is it someone here? Someone I know?"

"No..well yes..I mean, no, he is not here, well he was and..."

She sighed and finally took a sip, her lips puckering at the taste as she coughed.

"He...he...his heart belongs to another....y...yours." she continued through a stammered breath as if the whiskey had stolen it.

You froze. Did she mean.... "N..Narcisse??"

"Ohhh no no no no miss...although he is very beautiful. What woman here does not desire Lord Narcisse? Even a blind one would, but to me...there is one even more beautiful...like an angel with that golden hair."

Now you gasped. "Ohhh...you mean....H...Haldir???"

She giggled but shook her head. "Nooo, but he too is rather dreamy. When I said he is not here, I mean ...he left the realm."

Your eyes widened as you suddenly remembered Thanksgiving at the dinner table and how happy she was in her conversation with...Legolas.

"You...you mean...Leggy?"

"I...I...I...oh, I shouldn't have said anything..." she stuttered and took another drink, this time too much as her eyes watered. She frantically fanned the air in front of her mouth and giggled again.

"But youuu did. He was here and now he's not as you said and I saw the two of you at Thanksgiving, laughing and such. You have a thing for the Pri.. I mean King of Mirkwood, don't you?"

"I...I...ok...maybe a...little. I feel so silly telling you this, for I know how he feels about you and even if he didn't, he surely would never be interested in the likes of a lowly servant. I am by no means pretty...like you are."

"Nonsense Lola! You are beautiful, inside AND out. If I recall correctly, he was having just as much of a good time speaking with you as you were him, am I right?"

"I...I guess so." she whispered and took another drink with ease.

"Yes, I am right. Lola, your status does not matter. Not to someone like Legolas. He has the most beautiful heart."

"Which belongs to you and his father would certainly never approve of me...oh god...I...I am sorry...I wasn't thinking..."

"No...Lola, it's alright. Thranduil certainly had his opinions of others, but I know for a fact he would approve of you...because I do. I think you would be great for Leggy."

"There are others you approve of that he did not."

"If you mean the vampires Selene and Garrett, that may be so, ok, it IS so...but you are not a vampire. You're a beautiful young woman with a matching heart. Look, when I met Thranduil, we both believed me to be merely just a human woman, like you and...he still loved me Lola, with his entire being. He would be in no place to disapprove of you for his son....and well...he...isn't here anymore to have a say anyways, now is he?"

You poured another glass and downed it flat, trying to fight the sting in your eyes.

"I...I'm so sorry Josie. We...should change the subject."

"No, we should not. I will be fine like I always am. I like to talk about him. It makes me feel closer to him and I truly believe he can hear me after all I have witnessed. But...we are talking about you and Legolas."

Lola giggled. "Me and Legolas...Legolas and Lola...I...I like the way it blends together. Did you really mean that? That you think we would be great together?"

"I do mean that. And whenever I decide to go back to Mirkwood, you will be coming with me, so there. It is perfect. I have to move on Lola...and it cannot be with Legolas. My heart will always, and I mean always belong to Thranduil, but I must remain here for Leean and try to love again...although it will never compare to my King. Legolas needs to move on as well and I would really hope it to be you now that I know of your feelings. But...what about Charles? He's a sweet kid and I don't want to see him get hurt."

"Well, if I am going back with you, he would sadly be hurt anyways, for he could not come with me, nor would I desire him to if he could. I care for Charles, I do...but..."

"But not the same way you do for Leggy...trust me, I get that better than anyone."

"You speak of Narcisse and....Garrett? or Haldir even?"

"Nothing gets past you does it?" you laughed and drank down another glass. "Haldir was right...I don't know what I am doing anymore Lola. I feel strongly for Stephane and I always will for Haldir too but..."

"But...you feel more for Garrett..."

"It...it doesn't matter anymore...he left me, just like he promised he never would...I know he did it for what he feels is all the right reasons, but they weren't and I...I have to forget him somehow and..."

"And Narcisse is that somehow?"

"Alright miss know it all. You know me too well...but..that sounds like I am using him and that is far from the case. I genuinely feel something for him. We have some kind of magical connection...literally. Moments ago, I was sick as a dog and...strangely, after contact with him, I...I feel fine and here I am sipping on grandpa's cough medicine with your fine company."

"He's immune to poison..." Lola blurted out and hiccupped.

"What? Ohhhhh...oh my god, so that's what he was trying to tell me. Now, it all makes sense. His peppermint scent, it made me feel better and no wonder it didn't make him sick from touching me. My dad, god I miss him, would have me drink peppermint tea or rub the oil on my skin when I was a kid if I was sick, and I shit you not, it always worked. I believed it was all my dad, that he was magic and it turned out he really was so I'm not sure how much of that was the tea, but now I guess it was both.... Wow, so Stephane's like, a natural healer in some way?"

"Something like that. I mean, he cannot do what you do, like for severe injuries and such, but yes, he is quite powerful in his own ways, he just don't use that power much."

"Yeah I know, it makes him feel less of a man." you chuckled. "I get it though. Thranduil was the same. He had powers that I didn't even know about until we were at Lestat's. God, I miss him too. Speaking of Lestat...he was actually one vampire Thranduil came to like, can you believe that??"

"I wish I could say, but I never met the King of Mirkwood, but from what I know and what you tell of him, I suppose I wouldn't believe it one bit." she laughed and drank some more.

"You know what Lola...I can talk to you so easily about anything. I used to be able to do that with Tau....well that don't matter. You truly are a best friend in my eyes. The last real one I had, Harker killed. She was like a sister to me. People even told us all the time we looked alike. We grew up together after my mom supposably died and my dad and I moved. I had such a strange dream about Sarah, that was her name, and her mom was in it. We were at her house and she told me that Sarah was alive and that Harker had her...but I don't see how that could be true, for Jareth, he showed me the vision of what Harker did to her."

"But your dreams, Josie, are they not usually true? And Harker is a witch himself. Maybe it's all a magic trick?"

"They are, but they aren't. It's so hard to explain. Sometimes they have other meanings, metaphoric like, and sometimes they don't happen for the longest time. I mean, if it were true, if she were alive, how...where would I even begin to find her? Harker certainly isn't going to tell me... and her mom, Jocelyn,...well I don't even know where she is now...but one thing I do know now that I never believed back then. Sarah really was a witch like me, just coming into her powers...and I think her mom was too. She handed me Sarah's amethyst pendant and told me he was never to get it. I'm so lost Lola. That is what I mean about my dreams. They make no fucking sense half the time."

"Well, if you ever need me to help you figure it out, or just talk like we are now...I will be here. You're...my best friend too Josie."

"Oh Lola, we are like kindred spirits, you and I. I feel it. We are so much alike in many ways, especially our men predicament. Just like the song says, if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.."

"I...I do not know that song and...I do not love Charles...but you...you...love...Garrett?"

It was like Lola could see right through you. In fact everyone knew your feelings...everyone but you.

"Are you sure you're merely human and not a witch in disguise, for they are quite good at that?"

"And you my la..Josie, are quite poor at deflecting. I understand. You're not ready to face what you feel. I will not bring it up anymore. AND if I were a witch, maybe I could hold this wicked whiskey better."

Lola decided she had had enough to drink and the food was then brought that Narcisse had the servants deliver. You both ate and talked more that didn't involve love, then you had Lola take a nap to sleep off her buzz.

Leean was still peacefully asleep in her cradle, so you decided to change and let your hair down in case you were to spend time with Stephane this evening, for you felt like a ragdoll after the all that had happened with Catherine, Harker and Bash, and you had blood on your dress. You hoped Bash was ok, for it would devastate Narcisse if he lost the brother he actually cared for.

Stephane came walking in as you sat on the bed with that thought.

"Stephane...is Bash alright?"

"Yes, thanks to you. He is resting and has drank much of the healing water. Charles is staying with him, along with one of the healers. I...I don't know how to properly thank you Jo. It means everything to me that you saved him...and if you hadn't been there...I...my brother...he would be dead....and you, you became sick over it...I...I don't know what I'd do if....Anyways, Harker has not been located, but we did find his point of entry and it is now sealed off and the castle is still being searched in every corner for him. I feel that he had left. Being a warlock myself, I have picked up no scent of him inside, nor have my guards."

Narcisse looked and sounded so defeated...about everything. You went right to the ailing warlock and put your arms around him.

"Hush...I am fine now. Your gratitude is plenty Stephane and I offer you mine as well for secretly fixing me up. I am so glad Bash will be alright....and we will get Harker soon. We will find a way together..."

"Ahhh, I see Lola has been giving away my trade secrets." he chuckled and released you. "It's not really a secret though I suppose. I just...Jo, I would have saved Haldir, for you, the day he was poisoned...but you...you accused me of poisoning him and were so angry. You never would have let me near him and the next thing I knew, you were already saving him so..."

"So that's why you never told me...because you thought I would accuse you again of purposely not trying to help him..."

"It is...I...am sorry Jo..."

"No Stephane...I am. For ever thinking you could do something like that."

"Well, I do believe I'd given you every reason to. You've seen what I am capable of."

"I have, yes, but the things you have done were well deserved and also direct, not cowardly like Catherine, scheming in the shadows. I know you well enough now Stephane to know that poisoning someone is beneath you and not your style."

Stephane's eyes wandered in shame, knowing what he had done with Thranduil's letter and hearing you defend him like you were. He knew he was no better than Catherine when it came to schemes, for he was now forcing her to keep quiet, using Charles against her...and it wasn't solely just to keep you anymore. It was to keep you from thinking the worst of him. Even if he told you the truth now, you would still despise him.

"Jo...I...I truly don't deserve you...I've...done things I'm not proud of..."

"Haven't we all? Stephane, is this about what you said earlier, about Harker? That it was personal? You were going to tell me and then we got interrupted. Talk to me. Please.." you said, taking his hand into yours.

"Alright, yes it is. I will tell you."

Narcisse went to pour himself a drink and brought you one as well, then he began his story in a whispering tone as he glanced at a sleeping Lola.

"A very long time ago, Harker was a ringmaster and had a carnival of his own. Harker's World of Wonders. He and his circus freaks traveled from place to place, and one of those places was here."

"All went well, people had a good time. The children loved it...that is until some went missing. I began to suspect he was behind it, for I knew him very well because of Julian.

One day, I decided to do some research and went on a journey to the surrounding areas that he had been to, only to learn of the same occurrences taking place at each one. So then I knew it was him and planned to punish him severely, for no one hurts a child. I will not tolerate it.

Upon my return to my kingdom's borders, I heard a child's screams. A little girl. I followed them and came upon Harker gripping the child tight against him as she held her doll. He had taken her right from her bed in the early morning hours and had killed her mother. Harker told me she was his and that she had been given to him.

It was then I realized he had somehow tricked her mother into offering her daughter to him, for all knew to never give something to a warlock of evil, for it makes you powerless to him."

"Oh my god...I..I remember...when Garrett and I saw my dad, he wanted my moonstone and Garrett warned me not give anything to a warlock...so...he knew too."

"Yes and it is very very good you did not freely give it to him, or your powers may have never returned, or even worse, you could have been cursed, or...dead like the child's mother.

I..I had pleaded with Harker to free the girl in exchange for letting him and his people go with no harm to them, but he declined and had even threatened to snap her neck right front of me if I did not let him go. I...I had no choice...I couldn't risk using my power, for I knew he meant what he said. I had to helplessly watch him ride off on his horse with the frightened child.

But...there was no way in hell I was going to let him get away with what he had done. We planned a raid on his base camp one night, and we slaughtered all of his people and freed many children, including the young girl....who sleeps right there in your bed."

Your eyes grew extremely wide as you sat straight up. "Lola???"

"Shhh...yes. She does not remember the incident, for she was very traumatized and didn't speak for months. She believes her mother died of illness and I have not the heart to tell her the truth."

"So...you...raised her?"

"I did, with the help of the servants of course. I felt responsible, for I never should have allowed him here. I just never imagined he would harm children or any of my people for that matter, considering most here are of his kind."

"So...that's why he is killing your men...for revenge. My god, does this mean Lola is in danger too?"

"Possibly. It cannot be ruled out. He may still feel she belongs to him. Jo, all here are in danger but I swear it on my life, I will never let him harm you or Leean...or Lola."

"Ok...I am going to find that damn book and give it to him!"

"Did you not just hear a word I said?? You must never give him anything! Especially that book! It will doom us all if it falls into his hands, or Jareth's. You know what it's capable of."

"You're right...I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking..I...I am just so angry and..."

"I know Jo...I am also. I understand.."

You gasped and stood up in a fright. "Jesus...when I saw Peter in that apparition, he said he would bring him back and he would see me soon...is...is that what he meant?! Are they planning to raise the dead???"

Lola mumbled and tossed around in her sleep, interrupting the conversation.

"Jo...we must not speak of this anymore, at least not here. Will you still join me this night? We can talk more over dinner, in private."

"I...I am afraid...Stephane...I am so afraid..."

You began to tremble as your eyes filled with tears.

"Come to me...I will keep you safe, always my love."

You didn't even hesitate to run into his arms and squeeze him tight. In fact, it was all you had wanted to do since he walked into the room.

"I will come tonight. I...I feel safe with you." you muttered into his chest.

He held you in silence for at least five minutes and then he kissed your forehead.

"I must go make preparations and check on all the guards again as well. Does 8 o'clock sound alright? It will give Lola some time to sober up." he grinned as he glanced down at the third glass on the table.

"Yes...I lay Leean down around 7. Thank you Stephane, so much."

"You...have already thanked me."

"Not for your trust of me and your honesty. It means a lot to me and...I trust you as well."

His eyes fought to stay locked in yours due to how guilty that made him feel. He lightly smiled, then gave you a bow and quietly left.

You sighed and then laid down beside Lola, for the whiskey was hitting you as well. Upon closing your eyes, you could immediately feel yourself drifting off to sleep...and there....in the darkness...your king...Thranduil...and then you saw the Jareth's crystals, three of them, floating through the air, following him.

Suddenly, one burst and Jareth appeared, standing right behind him.

You began screaming at Thranduil to turn around, but he couldn't hear you or see you...but Jareth did.

You gasped and began running, hard and fast through the dark forest, hearing his gaining footsteps from behind. You kept turning to look but you couldn't see him, only the murky mist that floated in the moonlight between the trees.

"My king, take me away from this awful place, I beg of you!!!!" you cried over and over as your eyes darted about, hoping Thranduil could hear you, find you and save you like before.

You fell to your knees in fright as you heard an ominous voice echo through the dark. Jareth's voice.

"He cannot hear you anymore. But I can. I am watching. I am always watching. No one is coming for you, except for the dead......."

@redeemer46

[maddstermind]

OC In 15

Thank you for the tag @the-down-upside-finch!!! This is so fun!!!!

Rules: Share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using the dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I uh. Did all of the POV Quartet. So I will tag people up top and put it all below a readmore LMAO. Tagging @saintedseraph, @k-v-briarwood, @sentfromwolves, @veneritia, and @scribe-scott!!

Rosamund:

"It's not true. I'm not- I'm not bad. It was-wasn't my idea. I ju-just want to be wi-with the people I lo-love. Please."

"Roland. Teach me how to fight. [...] For me. For my peace of mind. For the worst case scenario."

"You're doing this to ensure I don't put an end to the war you're so desperately trying to start, and I won't stand for it."

"Magic isn't a sickness, mother. I'm proud to have it."

"I thought we were in no danger here?" ["Well, I certainly hope so, but there's no harm in being prepared."] "So the knights should be at the dinner."

["I will not let you ruin your future."] "You are ruining my future. I've seen it."

"Have you ever gotten the feeling you're seeing someone for the last time?"

"I'd rather have died in that fire than continue to be tied to a nation of small-minded slaughterers."

"You all fear magic. My mother did, too. But keep this in mind for if we ever meet again. You are no longer negotiating with a like-minded Sivonese noble. You are dealing with a mage."

"I want to be nothing like [my mother]. Lucky for me, that means being a decent person."

"I won't let it happen. I will not fall to this."

"That's very interesting, but I'm not giving up until I make some progress."

"Run. Before I stop being a coward and kill you."

"I didn't mean to hide my position from you, I simply... didn't want you to be intimidated."

["You can't trust me already."] "But I'd like to."

Christie:

"Genes don't dictate guilds. Anyone can do anything."

"I'm not quitting. I may be young, but I'm not quitting. I'm just... frustrated."

"I don't care if she doesn't like me. I'm not going to stay away from you just because she wants me too."

"Val Thorne! He's an investigator, hunting down criminals all around Exosto. He's from Crown's Ridge, and I've been to some of the places he goes to in his books. Sometimes he gets details wrong, though, but that's okay. It's a fictional version of Exosto. He doesn't have to worry about things like diplomatic passage to get into Rasduk."

[debating if someone is flirting] "I think it's too early to throw it out as a theory, though. You may come across more evidence to support it. But I'd consult the opinion of an expert."

["Secret passage? Where to?"] "I don't know. I'm about to find out."

"I'm not afraid of anything. But I know it's important to be safe, and even more important to be calm, so you can handle if things go badly or if you find something gross, like a skeleton."

"I will be a great mage. Just you wait."

"I don't care if they don't want me. They never came and found me, so I don't know if they loved me that much. But I at least want to know who they are. If they look weird, like me. That kind of thing."

"I have to tell her. I don't— Don't want her to think less of me. I have to tell her."

"I don't want [Maurelle] to fall behind. I'm fine. Goodbye."

"If they're worried about time… n-no offense, but why would they hire an Investigator who is magic-averse?"

"Don't say stuff like that. That's for movies when people are about to die."

"Do you ever wish you could do magic?"

"I told you I'll stay safe. I'm not leaving."

Addison:

"My Lady. Would you like to crash this party? And this whole engagement, as it were?"

["You're the witch house guy?"] "Glad to see that's become my reputation."

["Rulers should always be honest. That's what Miss Fairchild always says."] "And she's right, but guess what? Most rulers aren't. And I'm not a ruler yet."

[to a bird] "You're a cute little thing, you know. Strange, but cute."

["What did you say about stabbing?"] "I gave them plenty of warning. And no one got hurt."

"I promise you'll be safe. I'll set you down just as soon as you'll be able to move by yourself."

"Luxurious or not, [the castle is] still a prison."

"I'm sorry? Just like them? You can just say magic-averse, Miss Fairchild, it's not a dirty word. And for your information, yes! I do plan on being just like them! Is it such a terrible thing to be? I suppose you'd think so, having magic all your life. You've never known what it's like to be without it! I'd pity you if the truth wasn't that it's terrible and limiting."

"Up for an adventure? I'm looking for a witch."

"Katamar, Dimitio, Vunwra. Guide me to what I'm seeking. Do not let me go home empty handed. I was put on this path for a reason, you put me here, did you not?"

"Funny story. I did almost die."

"I believe in all of you. I think you should at least try for what you want. It's better to try and fail than to not try at all."

["That's an antique, not a weapon."] "I think it'll do."

"I didn't meant to kill him - oh, Silpa. Oh, Silpa, I killed someone."

"I'm sorry for all that. Tha-Thank you for helping me. I promise it won't happen again."

Ashton:

"I can't have it happen again, Sutton. I want to help you, but I can't lose another town."

"Stay here. Stay hidden. I'll try and get them away from here. Keep away from the windows, and do not go outside until I come back alone. Understand?"

[lying] "I've never met a mage. I wouldn't know if I saw one."

"I'm coming with you. If… you don't mind the company."

"I'll be back. As soon as I'm able, I'll be back."

"This is a mountain, Sutton, the last thing you're going to see up here is fish."

["Anything [alcoholic] I can get you?"] "Something lighter, please."

"I can't imagine anyone being afraid of your magic."

"Hey, you're hurting yourself. You're not going to get out that way."

"If I'd known you'd react like this, I would've tried to find something else. You don't have to apologize for a reaction like this."

"How am I supposed to help you if I don't know what to avoid? If I don't know why we're doing this in the first place?"

"You were a kid asking for help. That does not put you at fault for their disappearance, you did the right thing. Anyone would have done the same."

"Twenty years, and I've been playing the victim this whole time. I'm scared of fire, a-and of rosey-armored knights, and I shouldn't be! I brought it on myself. I have no right to act this way, but I do."

[about magic] "I never thought it would feel like this."

["I've come this far."] "We've come this far."

[liliallowed]

I hope sans doesn't hate us now hey hey Crimson you know sans well right do you think he hates us?????? :(

angst below

"don't worry darling he won't blame you as long as I'm around. in fact I can make it so he'll like you more by training you to fight me. he'll be so happy to see you eventually take me down"

"wh-what?"

"you know. like how cats bring dead birds as gifts? or like, just rip out my heart. I think he'll like that. probably kiss you or like cuddle. it's adorable how docile he gets around you. I'd imagine it's like watching a zookeeper snuggle with tiger cubs they raised while the other would rip other people to shreds."

"okay wtf are you talking about. why would you... WANT him to like me? is this part of your evil plans?"

"mm. well, would you believe me if I said I just wanna see you somehow succeed without being discarded in the dumpster in sans's basement?"

"no."

"hehehe. yeah I'm planning on ruining your marriage at the last day. I want to be the worst wingman ever."

"I don't understand. why are you so sure he won't hate me? he... he wants to kill me."

"that's BECAUSE he loves you silly. it's his... way of making sure you're "safe" instead of becoming someone else's exp. kinda like a twisted way of giving his greatest mercy."

"he is going to kill you too right? doesn't that mean he'd love you too?"

"psht I WISH! nah he doesn't give me a fast out. makes sure it's as painful as it can possibly be before I run out of hp. then again it's pointless since I literally can't feel anything. that's not his mercy. that's straight up spite." they shrug.

"he really does care about you you know. it'd be a waste to die to him. DON'T LET HIM TAKE YOUR LIFE. he'd be lonely without you." they frown. "least with YOU he won't be left for dead in a ghost town if I'm gone. call it a plan B in case I actually don't come back. make sure you'll take good care of him"

"what? what do you mean?"

"I've stayed with him cuz leaving him would be too cruel. killing him would leave ME alone. but with you in the mix everyone is happy."

"then why did you give me the reset!?"

"so he can't push you away using the old (you wouldn't understand resets) bullcrap. such a drama queen honestly."

"liar. you just want entertainment."

"true. that too. can't a person just enjoy both being an asshole and being empathetic?"

"you're NOT going to start getting any sympathy from me because of this. you're manipulating me! I'm just a second in command pawn for you aren't I? you're replacement to torment THE ONE PERSON WHO GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ME!"

they stayed silent for a moment...

before pinning you down to the ground and slicing through your souls shield, poking their knife to your throat.

"of course I am. you're so fucking dumb to think I actually GIVE a shit about your dumb relationship with my rival. you almost seemed to forget you're a hostage here that I've had the GENEROSITY to teach self defense."

your eyes widen as you flinch feeling the tip break through the skin.

"I can hurt you room I can BREAK you too. I just don't WANT TO because it'd be too predictable. don't forget your place y/n. if you really are set on those ideals then whats stopping you?"

their grip loses from your hands as they place the blade in your hand.

"go on. then. slay me if you think Im SO evil. I mean hehehe... I'd still come back but if this is going to be your first kill might aswell be me right? "

your hand shook on the blade as they forced your hand forward into their chest.

"STICK TO IT THEN COWARD. FUCKING KILL ME. GO IMPRESS HIM! or are you gonna just make the excuse of killing people is bad? I'll kill sooooo many more people if you don't stop me here hehehe... I'll turn you into a monster too."

your hands shake. you can't. you can't you CAN'T. YOU HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER WAY. THERE HAS TO BE.

[rappaccini]

.... okay. the phillips run hasn't started yet, so i'm not breaking my own rules if i give my thoughts on the spiderverse tie-in and what to expect going in.

looking at it and...

so this is a setup issue: come see all the players in the next event. here's a taste of their art style, the writing, and their role in the story.

so as a first look at the phillips run.... sigh.

first of all, the art style is pretty, but pinup-y. it feels more gwen stacy than spider-gwen.

also... hm. at gwen being referred to as Totally A Teenager and being put in cheesecakey poses. you can't have it both ways! if you want to sexualize her you have to let her be an adult! if you want her to be a teen you have to draw her like a kid!

at least gwen doesn't have her spiderverse haircut. i like that look but at this point we need to do whatever we can to differentiate gwen from her sv counterpart. weird experience, being happy that gwen still has that headband.

she's got the sv suit though. uh oh.

i don't really like the sneakers but at least they're not ballet flats. still hate that the alt vibe seems to have been traded out for athleisure.

looks like the tva are going to plant gwen on 616, and the next Big Spiderverse Event is going to involve a gwen goblin. i AM interested to see how gwen responds to this alternate self, especially since she's already interacted with a gwen goblin before, but my excitement is totally drowned out by knowing her involvement in this event is going to be all about forcing her into 616 for good, and therefore it's probably going to imply something about 616-gwen that makes it "acceptable" for spider-gwen to essentially take her place. hate it!

like. i'm fine with gwen spending some time in 616, or being called in for events there. i don't like it but i get that's just how shit is with gwen being brought in for spiderverse events. but i hate that she's gonna stay there.

VERY curious about the hitchcocky birds attacking gwen. love the cosmic horror vibe. but not at all excited about the likely destination: 616 For Good.

so far it looks like gwen's being taken from 65 against her will. GOOD. she doesn't want to leave earth 65! it's never a good thing when she does!...... but we know the end goal is for her to stay away forever. hate it.

... we're gonna see how gwen ditches 65 For Good. if she just up and vanishes without a world, my god that's shitty. even if she says "i like 616 better, bye" to her friends and family-- especially after smash just had gwen recommit to her world.... ugh. there's no way to frame this as anything other than gwen being such an inept superhuman that she can't make it home on her own even when she has a fucking hall pass that allows her to do it at will, or such a coward that she'd rather ditch her home and everyone she loves forever for an easier life somewhere else than stay and face her problems. it's irredeemable.

really wondering if phillips knows gwen has a portal necklace that lets her bounce through different dimensions at will. like, there's nothing stopping her from going home unless something happens to it.

or if she knows gwen has a symbiote. philips wrote the annual, and she didn't use it there either.

clinging to the tiny detail that every time that gwen is referred to as a "teenager" it's in quotes, she's being called one by someone else and she never says it herself so technically she's still in her twenties and being infantilized by miguel. which could be an interesting wrinkle in her story: the idea that all the spider-men are refusing to let gwen grow up, because their gwens didn't get to. but we know that's not what it is! we know she's being deaged! hate it!

so at this point i think sgtgs is going to be a repeat of the mcguire run: editorial wants a spider-gwen ongoing that synergizes with the movies, and selects an author who they think can execute the vision they've already decided they want.

itsv featured spider-gwen getting thrown into the multiverse, part of a trio with peter and miles, being a teenager, and being the object of miles' one-sided crush. oh, and she wears ballet slippers instead of chucks.

not a coincidence that the mcguire run*** involves gwen getting tossed into the multiverse, being marketed as a trio with peter and miles, not having her true age acknowledged and being subject to a 616 law that only applies to people under 21, being hit on by miles in spidergeddon, or that her costume suddenly has ballet flats instead of chuck soles.

with that in mind: atsv features spider-gwen

getting thrown back in the multiverse, running from her problems and being unable to come home

working with miguel's spider-society in some capacity

in a costume redesign with arm warmers

being a teenager

being called "spider-woman"

whose last Canon Event was a fight with kraven the hunter

being haunted by the implications of gwen stacy's role in canon

being close with hobie, and possibly romantically involved

... being Miles's Love Interest

and right away we know that

comics-gwen is being forced away from earth-65 and cut off from her homeworld For Good, and is therefore... running from her problems again

she's definitely going to be involved in the spider-society storyline somehow

she's wearing movie-gwen's exact costume

miguel's narration refers to her as a teenager multiple times

he also calls her "spider-woman'' even though she's exclusively been ghost-spider since 2018 -- so it's REAL clear that this event is intended to appeal to spiderverse fans who've never read a gwen comic before.

even the name of her new ongoing reminds me of the mcguire run beginning as ‘spider gwen: ghost spider’ because they had to introduce that new codename to people. sgtgs is for spiderverse fans who don’t know that’s what her name has been for five years.

one of her earliest villains we know she'll be fighting is... 616's kraven the hunter

we know in some way she'll grapple with the legacy of gwen's death. for the fifth or sixth time.

hobie is a contender for the spider-society book, so they might team up again and might even get a ship tease (the ONE good thing that could come of sv synergy tbh)

gwen's being thrown into miles's world, being referred to as a teenager, being redesigned to appeal to spiderverse fans, and miles is suddenly being written as the kind of guy who'd pursue other girls despite being with starling (staring hard at spectacular trying to push him and kamala). we know what that means. we know what's gonna happen if gwen's on 616 long enough. haaaaate it.

so. this is going to be a repeat of mcguire. right down to the structure of the book: the run in question begins in the middle of a Big Spiderverse Event gwen has to involve herself in, which means she has to be away from her home to take part and is being denied the setup a new run needs to get the reader acclimated to the character/world/status quo, and it'll end with her deciding to hang out in 616 For Some Reason.

no matter what this is gonna suck, because the status quo they're using the book to establish is irredeemable and the end goal is synergizing gwen with her movie counterpart. i want to hope that 616-for-good is just bait and she'll be back in 65 after one arc, but that's almost certainly not what's happening here. they want gwen-in-616 and phillips was selected because editorial thinks she can pull that off.

to be fair that was the case with mcguire. and the thing about mcguire's run is it's so unbalanced because it seems frustrated with its own status quo and is fighting back where it can.***

every time gwen pops over to 616 she says "wow i'm sure not needed here" or "oh look, constant reminders of the gwen stacy who's from here who died, who i am definitely not," or "can't wait to go home!" and whenever she does go home, all the effort in gwen's villains and interpersonal relationships is placed there. the imbalance isn't accidental. the reason gwen-in-616 is so disliked is because mcguire didn't make it compelling on purpose. she's working within the status quo she's allowed to make the case that the status quo itself is bad and that gwen should go home. and she did a damn good job because everyone hates gwen-in-616.

gwen might be marketed with peter and miles but she avoids miles the entire time she's in 616, never participates in a team up with them as a trio or hangs out with them in a group out of costume, only speaks with peter occasionally, and always tells him "it would be gross if we got together"

gwen's not allowed to drink alcohol and somehow is regarded by 616 as under 21, but this run firmly establishes that gwen is in college, not high school. and she lives at home with her dad... but she also got out of prison less than two months ago and it's not exactly easy for ex-cons to find somewhere to rent, especially if they have no job and a public superhuman identity that means villains are going to keep coming for her like gwen does. she's definitely over 18, and the high school/college divide matters a lot.

when miles goes goo-goo eyed at gwen, she ignores him for hobie. she dates harry and the gwenjay vibe gets a shitload of buildup.

so part of me does wonder if phillips might do the same. all the pieces are there: gwen isn't going to 616 of her own free will, she's being forced to deal with Gwen Stacy Trauma again, she's being infantilized by other spider-people, and after smash, she has more reason than ever to go home-- including a female love interest she actively wants to be with.

if the phillips run features gwen constantly saying "i want to go home / i didn't choose to be here / i serve no purpose here", keeps gwen in college, keeps the miles interactions to a minimum, gives her a different love interest, or even features gwen coming out as bi, then you know phillips is doing what mcguire did: she's working within her limitations as best as she can to mitigate the synergy damage and try to move the character forward where it's possible.

and from what i know of phillips, she’s a rising star in comics with experience in writing ip superheroes, who favors action, thrillers, and horror-adjacent stories; a good fit for spider-gwen tonally. she’s even worked with renzi, who was gwen’s colorist for a while. and she features a lot of queer women in her work. very good for gwen. if this were set in 65 i’d be SO excited.

(she even wrote for harley quinn, and given the similarities between her and gwen— blonde superhero char who spent a long time pulling away from her male love interest, clearly bi, has lots of toxic tension with her redhead friend— i find that interesting. she characterized harley as a hero… which she really isn’t. but since gwen is... maybe that makes her an even better fit.)

but. mcguire was the same: awardwinning female scifi writer everyone’s jazzed about who has an interest in queer characters and is a match for the tone of the book. and that fizzled fast bc the status quo of gwen in 616 Does Not Work.

we just don't know what to expect from phillips, is the thing. when she wrote the annual, nothing was detrimental to gwen but nothing added to her either. we know by now that melissa flores knows and cares about gwen's continuity, her characterization, and the point of her story. we have no idea what phillips thinks. especially since it seems like flores and her didn’t communicate at all when giant-size set up a gwen ongoing on 65 that we now know isn’t happening.

so how much of spider-gwen's canon is philips familiar with? is she up-to-date on all the minis? if she didn't know about smash as she was prepping her run, did she read it by now? did she only read the latour run? does she even care about the continuity? or, since this is the second round of sv synergy, is spiderverse spider-gwen the character philips signed up to write?

we're just gonna have to see.

best case scenario, we'll just tread water for however long this lasts. worst case scenario, gwen gets fully thrown out for her spiderverse counterpart, gwiles'd to hell, and it's fucking over for her. i don't like not knowing.

regardless... as long as gwen's in 616, this run has to go. her presence there is too much of a threat to her character to be worth any story told in that world: maybe phillips gets it, but any other writer that uses gwen might not. and you know where that could lead.

maybe i'm being pessimistic but the best case scenario at this point is probably what happened with the mcguire run. so here's the forseeable future i'm letting myself hope for:

sgtgs flops, is cancelled early on.

gwen's ongoing gets another relaunch a year later, possibly as early as next year. three options:

-> a) the same status quo, 616-for-good, but a different writer. hopefully that flops too.

-> b) a shift in status quo to gwen returning to the 65-to-616 commute pattern, maybe with phillips staying on, maybe not. so an inverse of the mcguire run. progress, but still not enough. probably doomed to fail.

(-> ... c) the best option that almost definitely won't happen: the ongoing is relaunched with gwen fully back in 65. with or without phillips. and if we somehow get it, i hope it lasts.)

assuming the relaunch happens and flops, then we're in a post-mcguire redux: gwen gets shuffled back to multiverse-themed miniseries that gradually shift her back to earth-65 until she's there for the entire story.

rinse and repeat with btsv: another multiverse ongoing that shoves her back into 616, probably with an even bigger gwiles emphasis, then minis if/when that flops too.

i could keep going but that's beyond the topic of this post.

nothing against stephanie phillips as a person or as a creative-- at least not yet. this status quo would've happened no matter who was tapped to write spider-gwen, and the only way this is going to stop and gwen will be allowed to go home and stay there is if editorial decides to stop forcing her out of it.

no way are they gonna do that until they know gwen-in-616 doesn't make them money, the spiderverse well dries up and a different property comes along for them to leech off of. so bare minimum, shit's gonna suck for gwen until btsv is behind us, possibly even beyond that depending on how the 616 move does and if gwiles happens and sticks. especially if gwen's miles's girlfriend in a live-action movie (oh god that would probably kill it). insomniac's our best hope in that regard. cindy moon might be the way out but that’s another post.

until then we're probably going to be in multiverse limbo for the next 6ish years. possibly even longer depending on if spider-women sees the light of day, if gwen appears in the insomniac games or live-action and whether or not she’s miles’ love interest there too.

so i'm doing my part and not supporting the phillips run. not gonna buy or read it, not gonna acknowledge it until it's cancelled, gwen's back in 65, she's out of the closet or ghostpunk somehow happens (it won't).

[jainasolo1233]

I hate people who send hate through anonymous asks. It's like even worse than bullying someone online. It's kinda like, you know that thing Johnny says on cobra kai. Cowardly. It's one thing to harass someone to their face. It's another to do it online. Where they don't know who is harassing them. And it's even more worse when it's anonymous. Especially if it's over something stupid like different opinions on Fandoms or ships. Sorry I just got this anonymous ask that I didn't let myself fully read. I just knew it was bad when I saw it was them complaining on my views on how I see a ballad of song birds and snakes. The hunger games prequel. Everyone is allowed to have different opinions. You don't like mines. Than block me. I don't see the point in wasting your time sending me an ask. Especially a rude anonymous one. I shouldn't let it bother me. That's why I didn't read it. Why I constantly post (Don't like don't read. Post hate and I'll block you) I don't care if it's stupid. It seems to work because I don't get a lot of hate. People are aware I'm not going to put up with it. Again people are allowed to state their opinions. I'm not stating they should. But it does not mean I have to listen or read them. Especially when they're rude.

I'm sorry you had to go through that. That has never happened to me, but I can imagine what you're going through.

Also, yes! Johnny's quote about bullies nowadays have no honor and cowards because they bully people anymously online is so true.

And yeah, I notice your "don't like, don't read" tag on your posts. I don't understand why people have to be so rude. It's not like ur opinion is gonna change.

Stay strong. People hating on others obviously have something going on in their life.

I hope nothing like this happens again.

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

OFMD EP2 REACTION

at least stede and co. have clean clothes and bedrolls now...

and of course buttons is sleeping upside down like the Creature he is

stede's lying there thinking about the "you wear fine things well" scene i'm-

ed's stede-barbie is covered in flecks of black paint skfjhdkjfsfjh has he been holding it against his face???

and there's little ed-barbie i am obsessed. maybe he's been making them kiss

HE MADE THEM BOTH JUMP OUT THE WINDOW NOOOOOOO

oh god what if he thinks that stede is dead for real.

BUTTONS X THE SEA 5EVA

zheng's crew calling "good morning!" back to her like a class of children awww... at least that's a step up from stede trying to do flag arts n crafts with his gang of preschoolers

"the sea is restorative, isn't it?" "YES QUEEN!" i love buttons

buttons is getting INTO the tai chi

the swede found his place with jackie... is buttons going to stay with zheng? aw man are we going to lose all the crew? :(

"we're tender as hell"

"there is one other man on board" LUCIUS LUCIUS LUCIUS

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH

PETE TACKLES HIM TO THE FLOOR AND EVERYONE COMES OVER

"men are so fucking emotional"

"i thought you died!" "i think a lot of people did" BRUH

awwww pete and lucius!!!!!!

and the whole gang is watching lmao

"rat boy, what's that about?" "i think it's like a lunar calendar thing..." yeah right it's cause you got scooped up like a drowned rat

"what exactly happened to you, lucius?" ohhhh stede you are not gonna like the answer to that question. and by that i mean you are going to be surprisingly okay with it because you're insane

"...i fell" LUCIUS DON'T COVER FOR HIS ASS

"i'm overqualified for towels!" stede baby i think towels are all you can handle

"sea witch... i have looked for you far and wide..." oh my god? well he can talk to birds...

buttons x zheng's first mate x the sea 5eva?

oh no. seeing the revenge fills me with dread

ed's smiling. this is not a good sign

"no more booze, no more drugs, and more importantly, no more izzy" sdfskdgjhsgkjsh

"you did kill him?" he knows. he knows frenchie fucking wouldn't.

we all thought jim and frenchie would be hiding lucius in the walls. turns out they're hiding izzy. what a turn of events

"KILL ME YOU FUCKING COWARDS" aww it's the most normal izzy's sounded in a while <3

archie gives me big gideon nav energy and i love that

OH GOD JIM AND ARCHIE HAVE TO CUT IZZY'S LEG OFF

"are you even gonna ask how i am?" yeah stede, tighten up mate

"FUCK YOU that's how i am" aaaaaand here we go

"you broke him when you left and then he broke me. everything that's happened since has been YOUR FAULT." watch how fast stede can internalise that

"i see you've adopted the form of a humble man, sea witch"

therianthropy??? BUTTONS SELKIE REAL???????

ed jumpscaring frenchie "heyyyy :)" you know what i'm on board with stede the atrocities ARE okay if a man with big beautiful brown eyes does them actually

"how'd you kill izzy?" HE KNOWS

"you're left-handed. you just used your right." ed and his fucking mind palace as he slowly backs frenchie into a corner with that humorless smile FRENCHIE JUMP OVERBOARD

"do you think i wouldn't know the smell of my rotting former first mate?" WHAT ARE THE IMPLICATIONS THERE ED

the operation was a success...?

why's jim got gauze shoved up their nose. did izzy kick them in the face

"he'll live?" izzy in the background looking like a corpse

jim's still holding the leg

"he seems like a bit of a dick" "he is, but he's our dick" EXACTLY JIM

jim and archie kissing over izzy's severed leg... how touching? at least put it on the floor jim

"our eyes lock as we're holding hands and we can't help but kiss over [izzy's] not once, twice, thrice [fucked-up leg]"

OH FUCK ED'S HERE

"leave me, all of you. ...take the fuckin' leg."

"he was your friend." loyalty is everything to jim

ed staring completely still and emotionless at izzy's presumed dead body... fuck

uh oh. olu seems to have relinquished the brain cell.

...none of the revenge gang knows what china is. why am i even surprised

"you can't file to save your life, and i'm pretty sure you broke the abacus" "yeah i fucked that up" sdjfghsdkjgh olu what did you do to the abacus...

"but you're calm, and you're smart, and... i actually really liked it when you visited the soup stand" SLFGHSKJGHADKJGAH DOES ZHANG HAVE A THING FOR OLU

(listen i'm not freaking out about olu/jim 'cause they don't even know if the other one is still alive or not. they're allowed to kiss other people)

and that was such a cute moment

zheng: this is my boyfriend, and this is my boyfriend's partner, and this is my boyfriend's partner's girlfriend

roach x soup 5eva

lucius and pete are sitting Far Apart now and THAT worries me

"we eat, but how often do we taste?" i'm glad roach gets to have a ratatouille moment

lucius smoking a cigarette and fucking hating stede with all his might... this boy is so fucking traumatised...

"i used to chew the old tobacco leaf when i was young and edgy!" stede for the love of god shut up and also you were never edgy in your fucking life

"my spicy little rat boy" "NEVER FUCKING CALL ME THAT" oh yeah lucius has fucking PTSD

"what happened in towels?"

ed waking izzy up i am not ready for this conversation

please subtitles please cover up the pretend amputated leg i am begging you

"up in Leg Heaven"

"i just popped down to say a proper goodbye" (pulls out pistol) I AM PUTTING ED IN A STRAITJACKET

oh no he's making izzy hold the pistol and point it at him

he wants izzy to kill him sooooo bad he wants izzy to do it

and izzy's laughing humorlessly because he can't fucking kill ed, no matter what ed does to him

"you scared, eddie? too scared to do it yourself?" they are both lunatics please for the love of god get divorced and nobody die!!!

"clean up your own fuckin' mess, i'm not doing it, i've been doing it all my fuckin' life" delivered like a housewife cheerfully telling her husband to pick up his own socks

A GUNSHOT

BUT ED HASN'T BEEN HIT

I KNOW IZZY CAN'T HAVE KILLED HIMSELF. BUT THAT'S CLEARLY WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO DO

ed, without turning around to look at izzy: "i loved you. best i could"

i'm chewing on the walls there is something soooo wrong with both of them

poor frenchie! "do you wanna do this here, or at the bottom or the ship, 'cause i can just jump over and make it easier" BABY NOOOO

you call that CLOSURE ed??? BRO.

"do me good to be at the wheel for a bit" ed is going to blow this whole fucking ship up and take everyone with him

taika delivers each line SO casually and never before has such a laissez-faire attitude filled me with such horror

"don't keep it bottled in! i get that you're angry, so be angry at me, don't take it out on pete" "oh, stede bonnet's giving me relationship advice?"

"don't be like me" stede... i really can't help but love him...

"one has to do horrible things to survive... there was this rat terrier named pepper... THEY ATE HIM! AND THEN I HAD TO CATCH THE RATS! WITH MY TEETH! THEY WERE WEIRDLY FINICKY ABOUT THAT." dear god "THEY HAD THIS GAME CALLED THE HUMAN PUPPET, THE HAND WENT WHERE YOU'D THINK" thank god zheng rescued lucius from the pet-eating and fisting boat what the fuck

"some maniac got rid of the wheel!" ed you'd have better luck just ASKING someone to kill you instead of doing whatever crazy shit this is

"i want you to fight her to the death!" "that's a bit misogynistic, man" priorities, archie "yeah, probably" add misogyny to ed's wanted poster "ALL LOVE DIES I'M JUST HASTENING THE PROCESS" ED FUCKING JESUS

so love = death to ed. smarter people than me could write so much meta on that. but that's why he wanted izzy to kill him

jim: "leave it man, we're not gonna fight to the death!" archie: (punches jim in the face) ARCHIE!!!!!

HUGE gideon nav energy

love a woman who is also a himbo

stede is still doodling on the wanted posters

"i talked to pete... he got nauseous and kind of started crying" seriously was it calico jack's old boat lucius ended up on???

lucius: look at all of ed's red flags

stede: red's my favourite colour so what it doooo baby

"maybe the time he spent with you is the best it's ever gonna get for him" and stede starts shaking his head OOOOOFFFF

jim refuses to kill archie, who has a remarkable lack of self-preservation (HUGE gideon nav energy seriously if there is ever a locked tomb movie/show... madeleine sami for gideon)

"you were gonna do it anyway!" [drive into the storm and kill all of us] "i was!" STRAITJACKET

someone shot ed to stop him from destroying the mast

IT WAS IZZY

IZZY'S STANDING

HE TOURNIQUE'D HIS LEG AND HAULED HIMSELF ONTO THE DECK AND SHOT ED

OH MY GOD THEY SHOWED HIM PUTTING THE GUN TO HIS OWN HEAD????

HE JUST GRAZED HIMSELF. HIS SKULL WAS TOO THICK. NO BULLET CAN KILL HIM

FANG TACKLES ED, JIM PICKS UP A CANNONBALL TO SMASH ED'S HEAD IN, AND ED JUST SMILES IN RELIEF AND SAYS "FINALLY"

no music just rain over the credits

aww olu being cute with zheng <3

[angst-fairygodmother]

Hi I was wondering if I could request a Luther X Sloane cliches and tropes #33 please

A/N: Hello Nonny! It’s taken me a while to get here, but I give you what will hopefully be the first of many Luther/Sloane fics. This was a good prompt for them, because it fits really well into the canon, so I was able to find their voices and relationship before I dip into the ones that might take more of an AU, so thank you for that as well. I hope you enjoy! Word Count: 1092 Rating: T - implied smut/suggestive themes; Spoilers for The Umbrella Academy s3; minor instances of self-hatred and body image issues; cheese

Sure, the Sparrows had attacked them, Ben had swung the first hit at Klaus (for no reason, Klaus was just being Klaus). But he couldn't really blame them. After all, it wasn't that long ago (just a year and two time jumps, practically no time at all) that he would have done the same thing if a gang of black-clad wackadoos had shown up in the living room, without half the shit they'd said today. It was what Hargreeves were trained to do. And it wasn't like anyone got hurt…Seriously hurt…they recovered. 

It made total sense. It was perfectly rational. But he still wanted to kick their smug…smugness into next week (or let Five do it since he was most likely to manage to do actually that). 

Except for one. He'd only caught glimpses, not able to track any one enemy, or ally, through the chaos, but when he did there was something about her that felt like it was pulling him in. She was the Earth to his Moon. He needed to see her again. 

Being kidnapped wasn’t exactly the ideal way to meet a potential partner, but Luther was nothing if not an optimist. And the smile she gave him when the Sparrows approached wasn’t like Ben’s smirk or the bird-woman’s scowl. It was sweet, and it stayed that way. As they talked about their dreams (those absent wishes of someone who didn’t really get to choose their own destiny), and their interests, and the moon, there was no judgment or hesitation. She looked at him like he was whole and human and…maybe even handsome. He wanted to stay, just for her.

~

“Everyone thinks I should stay away from you because you’re dangerous,” Sloane murmured, almost absently while she drew hearts on his chest with his fingers. 

“That’s funny,” he chuckled awkwardly, even though it really wasn’t that funny at all. “My siblings said the same thing about you.”

He didn’t feel like he needed to flinch away from her gaze or her touch, especially after what had just happened between them. It was a new feeling and one he wanted to bask in, and the hazy post-coital glow that probably helped. But Sloane sat up suddenly, pushing away from him with a fire in her eyes, and…nope there it was again, the urge to hide himself away behind high walls and thick woolen coats. 

“What?” She looked shocked, angry, and worst of all, hurt.

“Yeah, my family thinks that yours is evil and that I'm naively falling for a honeytrap and that you're going to turn on me and kill all of us or something. Which is ridiculous.” 

“Us?! Your family is the one full of murderers! Or have you already forgotten Alphonso and Jayme? And probably Marcus. And JFK…somehow. I should be the one worried you're going to turn on me!”

“I already told you, Harlan wa–” he sighed, cutting himself off. “Actually, it doesn't matter. I promise you Sloane, I love my family, but I won't betray you for them, I promise. I would never. I…”

He couldn't finish the words. He was scared to. Some Number One. He couldn't keep his family from fighting each other. He had fallen in love with the enemy (even though he thought it was stupid to see them as the enemy, or maybe that was another point against him) and was too much of a coward to tell her. Reginald had been right, always, about Luther's flaws. 

But of course he loved her. Sloane was so…perfect. She was beautiful and powerful and so much smarter than him (than any of his siblings probably, except maybe Five). She was funny, in the same awkward way that spoke to his own sense of humor. She loved travel and reading poetry. She was actually interested in his stories about the moon. She never flinched from his touch or questioned his appearance. And she was so incredibly kind. Anyone would be stupid not to love her. 

And maybe, if he could just find the words to tell her, to tell the whole world, or what was left, the others would understand. His family and hers. And they’d be able to be together. 

“Luther,” the way she said his name made him feel like he was flying, and he wanted to hold onto it forever. “I love you too.” 

“You…” he felt like his brain couldn’t catch up with the rest of reality. His heart raced and his tongue felt clumsy and too big. He thought he might be dying. And he never wanted it to stop. “You do?”

“Yeah, of course I do. I wouldn’t have snuck you in here after everything if I didn’t.”

“I…that’s great! I mean me too. Love you. I love you, too.” She giggled as he stumbled over his words and flushed red. “Sorry. I sound stupid. I’ve just, never had someone say they love me before.”

“You don’t sound stupid, Luther. I wish you wouldn’t talk about yourself like that.”

“I…sorry.”

“It’s okay, just something you have to work on, maybe we can do it together? Because you’re pretty amazing, and you should treat yourself like it.” 

“How are you so perfect?”

“Oh…I’m not perfect…”

He cradled her face gently in his big hands so that he could kiss her softly, their mouths melting together with a sigh. “Yes you are, and I love you, and I want to shout it from the rooftops, except we’re trying to sneak around right now. But someday, soon.” 

It was Sloane’s turn to blush, cheeks heating adorably as she smiled up at him. “I’d like that. As soon as we figure out how to fix our families.” 

“Right. We should probably get back to that then?”

She looked thoughtful before leaning in again, so that her breath tickled his face. “It’s late, and we can’t do anything until morning…so it could probably wait a little while, if you wanted to do something else…” 

His eyebrows scrunched as he thought, her meaning somehow going over his head despite their respective positions and nakedness.

“Just kiss me again Luther, please?”

“Oh. Oh, yeah, I can definitely do–”

She laughed as she cut him off, rolling them both so that she sat across his hips while she kissed him, pressing their bodies close. They could figure out the future and their families and whatever else the universe threw their way in the morning. For now, for tonight, it was just the two of them and their love and the full moon through the windowpane.

[system-of-a-feather]

More Practical DID notes from our life, but its really come to our realization that XIV and I basically live a double life that mainly operates in parallel to each other, but just in support of one another. We both have very different aspirations and goals in life and things we are working to achieve, and we have different hobbies that don't translate / don't entirely translate over dissociative barriers. On top of that in "XIV spaces" people don't really know that this entity also has the personality flexibility to be me, and in "Riku spaces" people don't really know there is such a chaotic piece of shit resting in the shadows.

And we didn't INTEND to do this. I think we used to be like this before we really knew about the DID but like, unknowingly and now that we've realized the DID and subsystem stuff, we just reinstated it consciously - but its something that just came from the fact that we would aggressively tear at each other for getting in the way of each others long term goals and the only way we actually stopped trying to murder eachother was to learn to respect and leave space for what the other wanted to do.

And over time we developed a key valuable principle "Do no harm to each other's lives and long term goals and if put in a position where you shouldn't be / where the other is struggling, do your best to support, maintain, and uphold it. If a conflict of interest arises, work together to make both co-exist and if co-existence is not possible, weigh out who it matters more to and if that is equal, make a compromise to get as much as you can from both."

And so XIV doesn't really look over at my long term goals and plans beyond looking over enough to get the idea of what I'm doing and to stay aware and up to date on my game plan. Likewise, I don't really fret the details of his shit beyond making sure that we are still both working in the general same direction and that anything he is adding to his list is not something that has any major and obvious conflicts with mine. We entirely respect and trust each other to lead and guide our individual goals and we support each other in our attempt to seek those goals out to the best of our ability with a strong trust and faith in the agreement to "do no harm" and to have the genuine best intent for the other even above our own goals.

And so this really has created a really positive and interesting living arrangement and way of life because we are simultaneously - to summarize and butcher - living and developing the life of a Anarcho-Communist Rockerboy with a penchant for Violence and Martial Arts while ALSO living and developing the life of "Buddhist" Bird and Animal Loving Reluctant Mangaka Dorky Princely Academia Aesthetic Research Nerd and we actually make it work

But even more so, we look over at each others shit and give constructive criticism at each other over how we are approaching and going about achieving our life goals.

Largely it usually involves me critiquing XIV's approach as reckless and short sighted and in the end not amounting to anything other than the short term brief high and that if he actually wants to instill his values to a larger scale he has to actually BE ALIVE and EATING FOOD to do that and helps redirect his very radical and extreme desires into a more socially functional way

And largely with him looking at me settling for anything because its "not practical" and "not a realistic goal in life" and telling me to stop being a coward pathetic uncreative bitch who just accepts defeat when things get off the beaten road.

Cause continuing with the avian research saga, we contacted 4 prominent professors in the field of Avian behavior and 3/4 said it was unrealistic / very difficult / not possible and the one that said it MIGHT be is the queer, really nice and kind ADHD professor I work directly under so as much as I LOVE him hes the one most likely to be biased and "nice" in a dishonest way that could fuck me over.

And so I was just sighing and was like "alright Ill adjust my goals" and XIV just furrows his brow at me and is like "the fuck? that easy to make you hop off of your goals??? fucking bitch no."

And so the past two days he's been occasionally asking me probing questions to help us know EXACTLY what I want and EXACTLY my priorities in the specific aspects on reaching the dream job of working with parrot rehabilitation and shit to help me brainstorm on the best way to get the closest to what I want in a system that absolutely has firmly stated I am Not Allowed to Do That

And like just now he was like "Nah, fuck them and the system. They're just not creative or dedicated enough to come up with a new way to do shit. That just means you gotta carve your own path to it and hack the system to get what you want anyways. People do it all the time and thats how you make a prescendent for long term change and avenues. They didn't say we couldn't they just said its not CURRENTLY practical. Nothing we do is currently practical. If we listened to people saying shit wasn't practical / easy / precedented, we wouldn't be alive. Okay so your ideal bucket list is working with traumatized / neglected / abused avian species right? Alternative angle, become a god in rehabilitation in animal behavioral research with a focus on sheltered and rehabilitated dogs / cats and then once established have a 'change in interest' with a PhD in animal behavior and suddenly find a passion and interest in parrot behavior easy lol. Play the system then make the system. Worst case scenario, you are doing what you want to do with animals you love just slightly less addressing an issue related but not the same as the one you care for, best case scenario it works, you get what you want, and set a precedent for any other avid bird lovers to still have an avenue to work with birds on a research standards cause thats a flawed system ngl"

And I'm just looking over at him like.... bro you are literally the best co-host the fuck. You literally can't take no for an answer and in this case I am fucking HERE for it cause that IS a viable plan.

Like shit man, I love living my double life over here because this guy over here who is fostering his 'fuck the system' life can very much work in tandem and advise my 'fix the system' life even though he himself doesn't have much of an innate predisposition to emotionally care about fixing a system that he feels needs to burn first XD In turn, I keep him from burning us in an attempt to burn a system that won't burn without MASSIVE loss and cost to ourselves and the majority of people.

And like it REALLY balances out plus we both really get to have STELLAR aesthetics and a wide variety of goals, skills, talents and hobbies in life between the two of us so....

Fuck people who say you can't live a double life. They're just not creative or dedicated enough to come up with a new way to do shit. That just means you gotta carve your own path to it and hack the system to get what you want anyways.

[themidnightcleric]

depersonalization/identity

idk man I could have been a theatre kid or a band kid or done photography club, or gotten into languages or been in dance corp or tried out for basketball or even hung out with the punks and gotten into hard drugs or I could have stayed Catholic and righteous and found a husband and pumped out a million babies before kms or found the gays and gotten into drag and had found family or became a nature nerd and gone to birding summer camp and joined fish n game or even gotten some loser boyfriend but I just .....sort of kept to myself in my room in the suburbs with intermissions of hiking or going out with friends who never felt like real friends

and it feels like my life has been this endless blank placeholder space of non belonging like I didn't even get heavy into video games or fanfic or drawing anime?????

I didn't do anything??????? besides read articles online and journal.

like I don't know how to reconcile the amount of alienation I feel from the entirety of humanity bc my entire life up til now has been eaten by severe demotivated depression and indecision/confusion I want to leave behind

like who just....doesnt do anything and hides like that? was it because I was homeschooled? am I coward? was it the autism? the emotional disturbance? dysphoria? am I narcissist?

I feel so incredibly broken and worried there's no way out now. I have to find something to do, some group to join. I mean I collected calendars for a bit and did ballet and basketball and hyperfocused on being a good Catholic but at the crucial point of every commitment I just stopped wanting to do it. I lose track of friends. No one feels quite real, or if they do I am terrified of letting them close enough to see that I'm just faking my humanity.

that's why the PDA label means something to me, the demand avoidance gives a name to the gaping question mark of WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

I feel inhuman and underdeveloped and scared of being alone forever. I don't know how to get past this insecurity and avoidance. Covid and automommune flares make it worse w brain fog. Like I DO NOT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT EVER. no I don't know the fucking Pokemon. No I don't remember high school. no I don't have a career. No I have never had a normal fun relationship, it's all been toxic or a fling.

I don't even really talk to my family. What do you say? Hi mom I don't even have a drug addiction I'm just floating again?

like I have lived in a nowhere dead zone of human existence for two decades. I don't exist. I wrote poetry comparing myself to Pluto, or calling myself an eraser. it was cringe and it remains cringe. I don't know what to tell you. I don't know how to become a person and make decisions. The only thing that's been consistent for my lifetime is heavy depression, and a dogged optimistic magical thinking that someday my life would just change, and begin, and I'd be someone with something to offer the world.

That's why I'm codependent. Trying to help or fix others is my addiction and the thing that brought me back to existence. Oh and scrolling online.

Giving that up, and trying to start my own life, I'm lost. I feel like my soul has been underwater somewhere on another planet.

Maybe I've conflated belonging with existing..that feels like a human thing to do. maybe the most human thing about me is the desire to belong even if it never worked out.

anyways I'm grieving all this and the abuse I put up with while dissociated, and it's like the ocean, I don't think it ends. This is the worst feeling and I don't know if it will ever leave me for good. It only ever lets up when someone holds me or massages my skin, bringing my body back into the sensory world, or in those brief moments of joyful imagination when I visualize someone loving me, or when a snake or frog crosses my path in the woods.

I should probably be institutionalized but I'm scared of that too.

what do I do to become real?

The last thing that I have hope for to help is top surgery.

all I want in this world is to be held, and cry until I can't cry anymore, and hear it will be okay, and maybe that its okay to let go now. to die or just give up trying to make anything of the past and it's pointless confusing misery.