#the beauty. the way the animals are written. I'm so so insane over this book.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I owe @freenarnian both an apology and a thanks tonight, possibly

[yumeka-sxf]

Thoughts on Spy x Family: Family Portrait

I finally got around to reading the SxF light novel, Family Portrait...and I mean "finally" because it's literally been sitting in my shelf since it was first released in English back in December of last year! I was distracted by Code White and the SxF video game which came out around the same time, but even long after that, I was having trouble getting motivated to read it. For some reason, experiencing SxF in novel format instead of in anime/manga just didn't appeal to me, plus the fact that it's not written by Endo himself (these weird preferences of mine are also why I'm not into reading fanfics either). Don't get me wrong, in general I love reading stories in prose form too, but for a series like SxF that already has such an established visual identity, it doesn't feel as "authentic" to me if that makes any sense. But I did want to read it eventually, since it is an official part of SxF media and Endo did the illustrations and does acknowledge the book (he wrote a nice afterword at the end). So I finally sat down and read it in sections over the course of this week! I'll share my brief thoughts on each of the contained stories:

Novel Mission 1

Since this was the first story in the book, it took me a while to get used to experiencing the world of SxF in novel form. There were some things I felt would have been better conveyed in anime/manga, for example, one of the very first gags about Yor misinterpreting Anya's nature class as some sort of hardcore outdoor survival trip. As I was reading that part I was like "I get the joke, but it would have been funnier if I actually saw these images and the characters' expressions with Endo's comedic illustrations." It was also a bit jarring to hear the characters thoughts and feelings from third-person narration, but I got used to it. As for the story itself, it was Damianya focused, something I'm not particularly into, but I don't mind it either. I liked the rare, soft Damian moments, and the thing with the squirrel eating Anya's peanut trail was funny. I also liked the scene at the beginning where Loid and Yor feed Bond together while Anya watches.

Novel Mission 2

Oddly, this was my favorite of the stories! Of all the characters, I think the author nailed Yuri's unhinged thoughts the best - as I was reading, I couldn't help but hear every cringe thought in his voice, which is a good sign of how well the author gets the character! I actually chuckled at a few parts too, both from his insane Yor-obsessed and anti-Loid musings, as well as from his banter with Anya. The police interrogation scene was great and would be even better if it ever gets animated! I also found it interesting that this story has the first instance where we find out what Yuri thinks about Bond (that he's fat and useless - rude!) Also his first time hearing about Franky apparently...makes we wonder if Endo will make him feel the same way if these things ever come up in the manga.

Novel Mission 3

I liked this story a lot too! I think it worked the best in novel format out of all of them, probably because it was more focused on drama and emotions than comedy. It's ironic that the two official SxF stories that feature the deeper side of Franky's character - this one and the omake chapter from volume 13 - are both not even part of the main canon! Alessa would have definitely accepted Franky's job as an informant, but he felt that someone like her should only be surrounded by "beautiful things." The poor man really needs to see that inner beauty matters too, and he has that! I also think he should have swallowed his pride and told Loid the real reason why he wanted the disguise...not that it would have changed the outcome. Poor Franky.

Novel Mission 4

This was a cute Forger-focused story, but like the first one, I felt it had parts that would have been more effective in anime/manga form, for example, "hair monster" Yor and whatever hideous painting Felix ended up making! But despite that, it was still funny and cute. Though I do think the author went a tad overboard with Yor's flustered antics...they just kept going and going, lol. Also, like the movie, we have another scenario of Loid getting flung into the air by Yor but landing gracefully on his feet (though this instance was much tamer since she wasn't drunk and only pushed him instead of hit him). Again, maybe I would have appreciated the humor in this story better if I saw it in anime/manga with Endo's hilarious designs and expressions, but for what it was, it was enjoyable enough.

Short Novel

This extra short story would be perfect as a reintroduction story for a future anime season...maybe one day!

-----

Overall, the Family Portrait novel is a nice addition to the Spy x Family universe. Even though I feel the humor in the series is most effective in illustrated form, it's still nice to have more stories in the canon, especially ones that show new sides to the characters, like the Franky and Yuri stories. Like the movie, it's debatable if this novel should be considered true canon or not, but personally, I don't find anything in it that contradicts canon, at least not yet. So yeah, definitely check out the novel if you haven't already! 😁

[djemsostylist]

Since starting this blog as a Vampire Diaries blog back in 2012, I've gone through a number of iterations. After my stint as a TVD blog for the better part of three years, I expanded out into a multi-purpose, whatever is my current hyperfixation blog. There are, of course, always the long running staples (Star Wars, Warhammer, LOTR) but I have gone through some pretty specific weird ones. The summer/fall of Mad Max: Fury Road, my years long Steve Rogers obsession, my summer of The Musketeers, that month of The Originals. The year I lost my mind and started watching dizis (lol, thank god that one is over).

The point is, I've had many throughout the years, but I haven't had one ongoing and deep since maybe the first season of House of the Dragon. (That one ended abruptly when I finished reading Fire and Blood and realized that the source material was stupid as shit, the writers were possibly dumber and this show was going to make me mad sooner than later.) In addition to an extremely busy past year or so and the disappointment of the end of The Siege of Terra, I haven't really had anything that has captured my interest for a long period of time. (Decimus Androndinus Felix, Lord of Vespator and the Eastern Marches is the current love of my life but he was only in four books and now they are done and I am SAD).

Welp. This summer I spent a week with my brother @bonesingerofyme-loc as I do every summer, and in light of the extreme heat and our extreme laziness, we decided to binge watch the animated Avatar: The Last Airbender. He's been a fan for a long, long time, but since I was like, 16 when it came out, I wasn't exactly the target demographic. And its taken me a while into adulthood to truly embrace certain interests, and he patiently waited to spring this one on me.

And buddy. This show got me. It's got everything I love in a show, in a children's show (I love children's media that isn't just mindless entertainment, and there is a particular type that just does it for me) and it's the sort of thing that is just beautiful as it's written and also really needs no explaining. It reminds me of Bantam Star Wars (it's best era), and that sort of unique blend of magic and mystery and family and despair and hope and love and everything in between. Aang is just so Luke, with his love that is greater than the world and also for the world, with the breathless way he uses his power but with so much thought and care. With the family that they build, with the truly excellent writing. I could go on at length, and probably will in later posts on in later drafts, but this show. This fucking show man.

And then, of course, bc he can never leave well enough alone, he tells me about his ship. The ship. And it's a rarepair, which is insane because I NEVER ship rarepairs, both because rarepairs are usually silly, often more infuriating than not, and so limited that the full scope of fangirling and obsession is hard to fully realize. But like, it's fucking perfect and I'm handling it about as well as you'd expect lol. (It's Zuko/Toph, because of course I would fucking fall in love with that pairing.) Anyway, expect Avatar span for at least the next two weeks until work starts again (or even more if I'm stressed enough to need an escape lol).

[g-goslower]

moving from anime for a second, I watched Dune Part 2 yesterday and I'm annoyed. Spoilers to the movie, the book and Dune Messiah after the cut.

look. Dune (the book) is very close to my heart. I love it, it makes me feel everything, it's so well written and the story is heartbreaking. I loved the first movie so much, I watched it several times, including a long travel to the closest IMAX theatre (2 trains and a bus). It captured the book perfectly and I felt like someone took my imagination and put it on the screen. absolutely marvelous.

Then came part 2. In the book, the things that happen after the first movie ends are insane. It becomes super intense, confusing as hell and so much fun to read, so I anticipated that movie like crazy. I didn't like it.

The good things in it: The fucking cinematography holy shit, but in terms of story, I only liked Paul's first solo ride and Feyd's gladiator fight. it was nuts.

The bad things: everything else.

I hated the way they wrote Chani. It felt like some propaganda to make her look badass, but Chani loves Paul more than anything, and she's a lot more religious in the book. She becomes a sayyadina when Jessica becomes a reverend mother, and takes a big part in the ceremony.

that ceremony was awful. in the book it's a whole thing, the entire sietch takes part in it. it's scary and awesome and thrilling, and it's not what I got and wanted in the movie.

Where tf was Alia??? She's supposed to be like 3-4 by the end of the movie, but Jessica doesn't give birth at all. Alia actually had a big part in their win over the emperor, so I hated that too.

speaking of Alia, why tf is she played by Anya Taylor Joy???? in Paul's vision???? worst casting yet.

going back to Chani and Paul, where tf is baby Leto?? they're supposed to have a child who is brutally murdered, Chani. is. not. a. fighter. making her a fedaykin is a ridiculous attempt in feminism and I hated that. They even had sex in the movie but not a word about her getting pregnant.

which brings me to the end of the movie. Paul takes Irulan to be his wife so he becomes the new emperor. in the book, she is his legal wife, but Chani is his lover and the only one he actually cares about. They even have a beautiful conversation about it in the end of the book. very emotional and sweet. In the movie, she's angry, she's hurt, and she runs away. WTF????????? NO??!?! I hate it.

if Denis is gonna made Dune Messiah as well, how tf is it going to connect?? that book is about their relationship. it's about how Irulan doesn't let Chani get pregnant, and Paul doesn't sleep with her. it's about Paul's love for Chani, it's tragic and it hurts and it's so sad, and it's the conclusion of Paul's life. it's 10 years after the first book.

also why aren't they referring to the fact that Kynes is Chani's mother?? (father in the book but fine whatever)

anyway this rant is a mess but I'm just really annoyed about this movie I drove for over 3 hours just to see it in IMAX and now I wish I didn't.

[space-heat3r]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks....

Thank you for the ask!

In all the media I've loved? That's a hard oneee. I don't think I could put it in any particular order buuut:

Liu Qingge (SVSSS) -

I am enamored with this man for some reason. He's so so so pretty and I love his character. Fiercely loyal and like a personal uber driver to SQQ. He's such a sweetheart even if he doesn't show it and I love every single scene he's in. In the years that SQQ was "dead", I really liked how he stopped at nothing to try and retrieve his body from Luo Binghe so that he could have a proper burial (even if he was unsuccessful) and the way he returns SQQ's fans whenever he loses them. He just wants to protect the ones he cares about and I want to give him a big big hug.

2. Hua Cheng (TGCF) -

I truly love his dedication and pure infatuation with Xie Lian, as well as the fact that this man is FINE. His character has so much depth and his willingness to do anything for XL is so beautiful. His 800 years of commitment and the way he is willing to give his everything to XL AGH he's so amazing.

Also. He's SMOKIN. Like scalding. Like HOT DAMN.

3. Hajime Hinata/Izuru Kamukura (Danganronpa) -

Since these guys are technically the same person, I'm just gonna count them as one.

Hajime is my favorite protagonist of the Danganronpa games and I love that at first you think he's a pretty basic dude, like "Oh yeah there's not much to write home about him." But then you see his sassy quips and his slight tsundere personality which just adds to him, and then you learn about his backstory and his entire character as a whole changes for you. His need to be accepted, his insecurity and deep longing for approval in which he takes drastic measures in order to try and accept himself. He agreed to be lobotomized not knowing that him as a whole was just going to disappear. Enter Izuru Kamukura. Who honestly I just think is really cool and there's not a lot I have to say about him tbh. Like even though he's kind of a completely different person, parts of Hajime still make their way through to who he is.

4. Nagito Komaeda (Danganronpa) -

I find him to be one of the best written antagonists in Danganronpa, his intentions always somewhat insane but when you learn about the meanings behind them, he's always calculated and intentional. Also, due to his terminal illness that he somehow outlasts due to his luck, he struggles in social settings, which I think adds to the depth of his character and how he sees things. He really doesn't think much of himself and yet manages to have a superiority complex over people he deems "lesser" than him (which then changes after the events of the Dr3 anime). Also I just think he's pretty goofy haha. He's pretty kooky and I like him a normal amount (lie).

5. Kurapika Kurta (HunterxHunter)

He is SO PRETTY. I really love a good revenge plot and I enjoyed his character a lot. I thought his powers were really interesting even though they took years off of his life :(

(Also I want his earrings)

6. Zhuzhi-Lang (SVSSS) -

I think he deserves so much love and I just want to give him the biggest warmest hug. He deserves so much. He's so loyal and willing to do anything for those who have been kind to him and made him feel like a person rather than a monster.

7. Lan Wangji (MDZS)

His pure LONGING and adoration for WWX are just so precious. He seems all aloof and chaste and pure but on the inside he's a lovesick and pining mess. I can never get over the scene where he hears WWX's confession and you can just see how this is all he's ever wanted and finally, finally, he can be with the one he loves with all of his being.

8. Chiaki Nanami (Danganronpa) -

Chiaki is so sweet and kind and truly cares so much about her friends. She gave up her life believing in them and knowing that a brighter future awaits them. She's so loving and knows that she may not be with them, but she will forever live on in the hearts and memories of the ones dearest to her.

Also: Gamer.

9. Shen Qiao (Thousand Autumns)

Shen Qiao is just so benevolent and good-hearted, he really just deserves the best things and yet draws the short-end of the stick continuously. He's such a sweetheart and such a beauty, I love himmm.

10. Miles Edgeworth (Ace Attorney) -

Honestly I just really enjoyed his character and his interactions with Phoenix. He is so gay.

[sleepy-vix]

oooh tysm for tagging me. i think your response was perfect, but i'll add to it just because i want to talk abt bsd :}

sooo hmm a big reason why i love it is that it's very literaturey. on that note, i think @pessimisticgh0st, you'd find it cool

like the main characters are based on japanese dead classical authors- japanese because it is set in japan. but then, they battle the white classical authors like louisa may alcott and fitzgerald in a giant flying ship called MOBY DICK, and then they proceed to fight with a small little cluster of russian authors ( fyodor and nikolai)

it's just so silly and lovable but also it's very insightful and dark with representations of many kinds of trauma and war and war trauma

i've had many people tell me that they didn't really care about the start because it seemed like nothing was happening but i swear when you get attached to the characters (which you surely will be to atleast 25% of the cast because they're just all so well written and -like chronic said- fleshed out) you will love the story

like pleaseee i am begging on my knees please watch it. i'm not gonna really go into what the story gives you because i think chronic already covered the generalities of it very well, but what i WILL say is that kafka asagiri (creator) is a genius and the world of bungou stray dogs is like a second home to me.

if you don't believe that asagiri is a genius, let me tell you a tiny bit about how he connected the characters to their irl authors:

1. the anime version of edgar allan poe is lowkey obsessed with the anime version of ranpo edogawa, which is so ironic and funny because irl ranpo idolizes irl poe. also edogawa ranpo is the japanese pronounciation of edgar allan poe. AHZBDJ i will never get over them

oh yeah quick note: the relationships between the characters are all so beautiful and bittersweet and interesting and every single one of them is so loaded with analysing potential it's *dies*

*restarts back up*oh also- i agree that the anime is a good way to get into it, especially if you're not familiar with watching anime, but if you ARE familiar with watching anime and reading manga then i would say that reading the manga gives you a better understanding of the characters, which makes it easier to analyse them. i would still recommend anime first though.

now back to my asagiri-kafka-is-a-genius list:

2) anime version of osamu dazai and anime version of fyodor dostoyevsky are rivals !?!? isnt that so cool!! even cooler is that in IRL author osamu dazai's book "no longer human" (forgive me, i dont remember if you're read it or not) he briefly mentions fyodor dostoyevsky ! like !?!?!

3) similar to the above point, anime fyodor and anime nikolai are on the same villain team, and in irl fyodor's book "crime and punishment", he briefly mentioned nikolai. like what!?!?! asagiri you are insane.

ok that's all i have to say. sorry if i confused u T-T

i've also watched moriarty the patriot and i also really loved it!

ah also i just read bsd on mangadex.com- there's no ads and it's good with updates :) i havent gotten any viruses at all so far... though there was a commotion abt it stealing ur email years ago so maybe use a spare email? idk.

wait, ghost, (i'm just going to call you that if thats okay bc u dont have a name 😭) do u often watch anime/ read manga?

sorry my reply was messy agsvsjs i did this in a rush. cant wait to see ur response

Hey, I've seen you reblogging various things about bsd and I was wondering if you recommend reading it? If so, I was wondering where I could read the manga (preferably online but if I can't do it there, then that's fine).

Hm. I’m not the best person for this because I watched the anime some time ago and haven’t picked it back up since, so I’m going to tag @sleepy-vix in case she can help you out.

That being said, I’ll still give you my input. This will be long.

I don’t read manga that often, and I haven’t read the BSD manga. So in my opinion, I think you should watch around 2-3 episodes of the anime before deciding on reading the manga, since an anime is normally made to promote the manga. Most people end up catching up with the anime before deciding to read the manga because they feel so connected to the story, but I don’t know how you feel about revisiting the same story twice (albeit in a different way). That’s the way I’d do it too, but since you’re most interested in reading the manga, you could look into my first suggestion of watching a few episodes and see what you want to do from there.

That’s how I would recommend doing it. Would I recommend it at all? Yes? I’m not that connected to the story now, but I loved it back then and I think it’s a story you can get obsessed over. It has a plethora of characters, all of which are fleshed-out and worth rooting for despite what side they are on, so you are guaranteed to find an absolute favourite. The world is immersive and the plot is very interesting.

Now for some of my more negative opinions. This probably shouldn’t mean much as someone who hasn’t read the manga, but from what I’ve seen… the story just keeps dragging on? Fake character death after fake character death, random plots that appear from seemingly nowhere (<- again, haven’t read the manga so I could be wrong about this). It is still worth keeping up with, though, because the characters are just so interesting, and I think that’s why the fan base has stuck to it regardless. I also mentioned this to you some time ago, but I’ve moved away from male centric stories because I’ve gotten so tired of having to imagine myself in male spaces. BSD is one of those medias. It has a handful of well-written female characters, but the sheer volume of male characters overshadows them. And, from what I remember, there’s maybe 2 or 3 interactions between two women in the entire series (this definitely could have changed since then). But all of this comes down to personal taste.

BSD is the dark academia anime. Not because of the plot, but because of the general mood and the character design. This makes it even more enticing. However, if you are looking for something that’s more dark academia adjacent, I’d recommend Moriarty the Patriot. Haven’t read the manga for this one either, but the anime is great and is also seen as a dark academia anime.

This one also has a lack of female characters, but as with BSD, it has a lot to offer. It’s a Sherlock retelling from Moriarty’s perspective, but it makes him an anti-hero instead of a villain. It’s almost a love story between Moriarty and Sherlock, except the bucketloads of flirting and chasing after each other aren’t enough to make it canon. Unbelievably queer without actually being queer (and the same could be said for BSD, but this one also contains a basically canon trans character). It contains great murder mysteries and an overarching plot that captivates you. I also don’t think anyone could get over the anime ending. It’s a story about a detective chasing after a villain, but he ends up befriending said villain but isn’t aware of it (the villain, Moriarty, is). Cat and mouse chase ensues.

I’m recommending it because it’s less of a commitment than BSD, and because you seem like you’re finally getting into anime so I thought I’d very politely push my interests onto you. There’s also many other recommendations I’d love to give but this is getting too long.

To sum this up: I am not a hardcore fan anymore, but yes I would recommend the anime, but I can’t say much about the manga because I haven’t read it (in most cases, the manga ends up being better than the anime).

Here is a website I use to read manga, hasn’t given me any viruses yet. Not the best, given that there are ads every second page, so be warned. It’s hard to find good sites for manga, so this is the best I could do. (Vix? Do you have any sites?). For anime, here is my absolute favourite site because it has almost any anime and doesn’t contain many ads. Here is a backup site, but you should definitely use an adblocker for it.

Okay okay, that’s it. I’m finally done.

[blazefire2012]

I'm still so shocked that people really like my previous headcanons for Hancock, Deacon, and Dogmeat so I guess to celebrate that and to challenge myself, I've got at least one for every character. It's not much for a few of them becuase I either never played with them all that much or I'm scared I won't get their personality quite right, but I hope I did well! Enjoy!

Hancock

• Actually shrunk a few inches height wise from turning ghoul. He sometimes gets heated about it when someone teases him but gets a bit proud at a particular comeback when he remembers Nick teasing him by asking if he was missing a few inches to which he replied "not where they count".

Dogmeat

• You ever hear stories about the family dog adopting a kitten and the kitten is now the dogs cat, nit the familys cat? Well he does this. He's so guilty of bringing home random animals. Hes brought home an abandoned Yao guai cub, baby ravens, radstags fawns, and countless cats and mongrels have followed him home.

Deacon

• Because of his crazy schedule and sometimes having to change plans or get ready and go at the drop of a cap, he has mastered the art of falling asleep anywhere, anytime, and recharging as if he's gotten a full eight hours. For example, leaning aginst the wall in the catacombs of the church while Tom tells him about a new conspiracy, he's dead asleep behind his sunglasses and only wakes up when Drummer Boy comes running in saying Sole fucked some shit up and needs help. He just pops up like he wasn't just dreaming about rafting in the stream around Sanctuary with a fruity drink in his hand and he's out the door.

Cait

• Secretly loves to be pampered, to be treated how she heard other girls would be treated growing up. If Sole offered to brush knots and mats out of her hair after a spat, she will act offended out of fear at first. Fear of Sole snatching the comb through her hair like her mother would, just to get it done and out of her way. She fights hard to not let out a small tear when Sole helps her feel beautiful and not a burden after her hair is smooth and taken care of.

• Treats curie like a "dumb little sister" but loves her dearly and wouldn't trade her for the world.

• Has a habit of flirting with anyone or anything out of habit of trying to stay alive by flattery. As she starts to get to know the crew, she begins to mean the compliments a bit more.

Piper

• Loves sugary things because it's what her dad would give her when he got back from scavenging. He would get lucky every once in a while and find someones stash and would have plenty of treats for his girls for a few weeks to hold them over. And with Sole as her new closest friend, she now has someone else besides Nat to spoil.

• She is consittered insane by most people becuase she actually enjoys the spinning feeling that you get from drinking.

• Has gotten in the habit of scrapping every camera she can find for good parts and film for Nat. While her specialty is written words for her paper, Nat has taken up the hobby of photography and is sometimes comissioned by her sister. She's pretty good at it.

Curie

• Though she knows the new plants may be dangerous to her now that she's out of the vault and only has knowledge of their previous ancestry, she enjoys picking a few extra specimens and presses them between the pages of a thick book for herself. For research purposes of course.

MacCready

• Because of his friendship with a particular vault dweller growing up in the capital wasteland, he steers way clear of any vaults he would be coming across according to his maps. He knows the vault he grew up next to was bad but with the stories he's heard, he's not going to take his chance with ANY of them.

• Once Sole comes back from Far Harbor and lets him try Vim Quartz, he's hooked. Reminds him of the bubblegum and other candies him and his friends would bet with back at little Lamplight. Even gives off a soft glow like the lights his old home had. Over all, punches him with so much nostalgia.

• (This one is more Duncan than Mac but its close enough) After Duncan is cured and comes to live in one of the settlements with his dad, he would get curious like all little kids and ask about the carved toy solider that Sole has. After they tell him what it is and how it's special becuase his mom gave it to his dad and then to them, they give it to the little boy and asked him to take good care of it becuase it means so much to so many people. MacCready will feel so much love (your choice, platonicly or romanticly) for Sole just from this one interaction alone and will have no doubt that those 250 caps that were used to hire him were the best Sole had ever spent.

• After becoming close friends with Sole, he will allow them to call him Bobby. The only person to call him that since Lucy.

• Will sometimes have little competitions like makeshift shooting ranges or foot races with Sole to see who would have to cook dinner that night.

• Definitely trained Dogmeat to grab him a new drink when his current one is empty

Danse

• Will never admit it, but he can't swim all that well. He can float and make a pretty good show of it as if hes swimming by choice, but he's not doing laps at a decent speed anytime soon.

X6-88

• Though he knows he's made to do one thing and one thing only, he takes pride in his look, particularly his hair. He claims it's for intimidation but he secretly loves having a sharp hairline he edges himself when he's off duty. Would love to be bold and try something new but always looses the nerve. Why fix what isn't broken?

Nick

• No matter how old someone is, if he's escorting someone through a rough place, he will take off his coat and drape the bottom half over someone shoulders and hold the rest up over their view so they don't see past him. He can't quite remember, but he thinks it's an old habit from his detective days, protecting people from paparazzi and news reporters as well as crime scenes.

• Though he is a synth, he has said in his own words he's a prototype between Gen 2 and 3 so he has taste buds, he just doesn't have a lot of them and they aren't that strong. So smoking and eating is technically muscle memory, but he gets just enough stimulation so that he can still enjoy it. It also helps anchor him when he has a mental slip and begins to panic about who he is now.

• Loves to cheer children up when one is upset in his company. One of his favorite tricks is shadow puppets. His naked hand can make a pretty neat spider if you ask him to show you.

Strong

• Even though he makes a comment about eating Dogmeat, he is impressed how something as small, fragile, and as edible as him will still come up to him and want to play. Even Strong isn't immune to the very good boy

• In the time he's been around, he does have a few favorite people. And his way of showing his favoritism is by sharing the best parts of a fresh kill. He doesn't announce it though. So when he's with MacCready or Hancock, he will silently let them get their share before he tucks in for himself. Ironic that its the small things for the biggest companion.

Preston

• Oh my lord, can this man sing. The kind of cheesy movie scene type thing plays out where if Preston starts singing, people will start to mosey into the crowd around the fire in the middle of Sanctuary and even Danse and X6 will start tapping along to his beat because he's. Just. That. Good.

Codsworth

• He feels he isn't allowed to admit it, but he misses when he was first bought and assembled by Sole and their family. I'd like to think they read the instructions wrong and he was accidently turned on while in Soles lap, before his thrusters were attached of course, and has missed that close bonding experience ever since. Just being held close by the only person he has left from before the war, the one who he had seen and spoken to for the first time, not just his master, but his first friend.

• After Sole came back to Sanctuary and noticed Codsworth acting on his own and not off of set programming, that he basically had crafted his own personality and became his own person, they don't treat him like a servant anymore. Because of that, he believed he upset his master and after confronting them and asking why they were acting distant, he was told as much but asked if he could still be by Soles side not as a servant, but as a friend instead. Sole agreed.

Ada

• Her favorite thing to do with her new found family is tell stories from her time with Jackson and his caravan. To give everyone a good time but to also keep them alive in hers and now her new friends memories.

Old Longfellow

• He has won so many drinks and free meals from bar games. Pool, darts, cards, you name it, he's probably won a few shots from it.

Gage

• He's been traveling all his life by the time he found Colter and settled in Nuka-World. He never did get a good look at the destroyed signs in his home town, all he could make out/remember is he's from a place with a man's name. He thinks it was "George".

[sunjaesol]

julie and luke...fake dating then...

while this beauty exists, co-written with @bluefirewrites and @blush-and-books , let's give it another go:

aged-up, human au

////////////////////

"This... is insane," Julie mumbled, pacing along the kitchen island as her nervous fingers fretted over one single curl, twisting and knotting it until it was nothing but frizz. "This is so insane. What the fuck."

"Jules," Luke trailed, slowly walking closer to her as though approaching a wild animal. "I know this is not ideal, but..."

"If you say this'll help our music and our careers, I'm going to scream."

His mouth fell shut. "Uh..."

Julie groaned. "Luke!"

"I'm sorry!" he exclaimed, raising his arms in defense. His punk get-up looked comical against the modern, clean back-drop of the Airbnb the band rented for their three-night-stay in NYC. "But it's the truth! We've never gotten this much press!"

"For a relationship that isn't real," she emphasised, pressing a finger in her palm. He got that, right? He had to understand that everything about this situation was backwards and sinister.

Not to mention that she had to explain to her family she'd been in a 'secret' relationship for the sake of keeping up a charade neither had started. How embarrassing could it get?

He finally dared to close the distance and place his hands on her shoulders, keeping her in place. She let out a shuddering breath.

Of course, they had to celebrate after their amazing concert on the Las Vegas strip. Of course, everything had to drink way too much. Of course, Julie and Luke temporarily lost their minds and decided to make out. In the moment, she had thought: fuck it. It was fun and she didn't need to think about feelings or consequences or crushes that have been buried for years.

But with everyone's phone out at the club, their make-out session was on Twitter in less than an hour. The morning after, she woke up with her phone burning red and a deeply apologetic Luke in the threshold of her bedroom.

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes. "I just don't want this to ruin the band, our reputation, our friendship, because of one mistake we made," she whispered.

Something dimmed in his gaze, that lively green that first caught her attention all the way back in freshman year of high school. The thumbs that pressed into her skin softened and slipped down her arms before they fell back to his sides. It left her cold. He looked incredibly boyish in that moment, not the rockstar in his mid-20s flashing a knowing smirk at the adoring crowd that, yeah, he knew he was hot.

"For once, I think we should, uh, just follow the big guys," Luke uttered. His sneaker nudged hers, shy. "Go with Andi's lead: pretend for a bit and then 'break up' on good terms. Go the whole rock 'n roll angle."

Julie sighed. Maybe in the future, they'd be able to laugh about this. Maybe she wouldn't feel a nauseating wave of ironic heartbreak like she did now. Of course, it had to happen to them. "Okay."

His brows raised in surprise. "Okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "But we follow my lead."

He nodded. "You're the boss, Boss."

A careful smile puckered up her lips. He hadn't used that nickname in forever.

"So..." She grabbed her phone from her pocket and opened up her note's app. He moved beside her and leaned against the island, their faces close and connected in secrecy. "Let's make up a story."

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

The Night of the First Mistake

Sequel to

Synopsis: pre X-orcist, almost a year after Nightmare's death, Dream is still not on top of his grief and causes him to resort to desperate measures.

Tw mentions of death/dead loved ones.

X-orcist au belongs to me and @zu-is-here

Dreams, Demons and Desires is by me.

Enjoy

Almost a year had past since he'd last seen Nightmare. The skeleton couldn't say he had mourned him, but the news of his death had been unfortunate to say the least. Who could have seen someone like Nightmare dying in such a preventable way? Not him, that's for sure.

He was a friend... Or at least a friendly acquaintance, clearly he'd not been quite close enough to Night's inner circle to be invited to the funeral. He'd never even met Night's brother. Despite that, the news of his parting had deeply saddened him and every so often, he thought of him with a sigh.

A good customer and a good person.

This evening, Nightmare played at his thoughts again, probably drudged up by the anniversary of the accident approaching, he hadn’t meant to make note of the day, but he had. a few weeks would be the anniversary of the day he heard the news. 

He thought back to a year ago, a few weeks before his death. The words he’d said about his brother and the increasing frustration about his sinful thoughts. Killer didn't judge him for such feelings, he was no stranger to sin.

Other then that, there was nothing at all strange about this night.

Tonight, just like any night, he was in his shop and the counter. It was a cold October and pretty soon he'd be closing up.

It was dark and chilly in his shop and had a strangely pungent smell, which hit the moment you walked in. A mix of crushed herbs and spices, old books and stale coffee.

An old set of scales sat on the counter top in front of him, as did a till, several glass jars and containers and a large collection of dirty coffee mugs.

Behind him there was a large book case full of many strange books. Ones with faded titles, ones with thick leather bindings, some with large strains spreading across the covers or pieces missing. If you asked him, he'd liked to have said that he'd read all of them... But there were a few he hadn't. He wasn't much of a reader outside of this collection.

As he nursed yet another cup of coffee from the café next door, he tapped his slender skeleton fingers on the counter top. He was bored.

With a glance at the clock, he decided today that he could close up early. It was his shop after all, he made the rules. A small collection of trinkets and charms hung around his neck and clinked together against his old coat, as he got to his feet.

Just as he prepared to take today's earnings from the till to count it, he heard the door and a jingle of the shop bell, indicating someone had entered.

He set an empty eye socket in their direction as they froze, looking nervous.

The person was new, but also something about them was strangely familiar. After scanning them for a moment, his face twisted into a sly smile upon realising who the new comer could be. He turned his face to them fully, staring his pitch eyes right through them. They tensed, which amused him slightly.

"well hello Little Light.... How may I help you"

Dream seemed taken back slightly by the pet name. It wasn't something he was used to. His hands fused with the fastening on his coat.

"uhh Hello.....I’m..... Uh.."

The shop keep chuckled again. Such nervous behaviour wasn't something he saw often from his customers. Looks like it was going to be an interesting night and to think, he was going to close up.

"nervous Lil light?"

Dream once again tensed and shuddered slightly.

"Please.... Don't call me that" he stammered slightly before taking a breath "My name is Dream"

The shop keepers grin got even wider and it made a chill run up Dream's spine. There was something extremely unnerving about this skeleton. Maybe it was the emptiness of his eyes or the strange carvings around them, but Dream was sure that it was more then that.

The atmosphere of the shop was very unsettling and kind of cramped in Dream’s opinion. There were many trinkets, stones, crystals and small animal bones stacked neatly on the shelves. It was this, along with bags of salt and bundles of sage and garlic, that reassured him he was in the right place for what he needed. 

"Dream huh?.... Thought so" he said in a low tone "I'm so glad to finally meet you"

The nervous shifting of his hands continued, as Dream once again tensed even further. He was acting friendly, but it still felt ever so slightly...off.

"h-how do you know me?"

"I knew your brother and I'd recognise that pendant I sold him anywhere" he said, with his eyes looking at Dream's chest.

Dreams fingers quickly shot to the star charm hanging from his neck, and gripped it tight. Looks like this was the right place.

"Not to mention there's your golden eyes" he  continued, shifting his gaze straight into Dream's eye sockets. It was strange how Dream knew where he was looking, even without eye lights.

"he often talked about them......He was right when he said they were very beautiful if I do say so myself~"

Dreams face blushed slightly, but he felt a familiar twist in this chest at the mention of Nightmare and a sinking feeling when he was reminded how Night felt about him. His brother had often complimented his eyes.....

He'd just never really understood it was more then brotherly affection. At least until now.

"I.... Uh" Dream said before clearing his throat "You're Killer.... Aren't you?"

Flexing his fingers, Killer nodded. The grin didn't leave his face.

"looks like my reputation proceeds me"

Dream let go of his necklace and a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I thought it might be you.... Based off something he wrote in his diary".

Before Night's accident, Dream had never even considered reading his diary. That was just a basic code of conduct. However, after his death, it became something Dream had often thought about. The diary, and everything else Nightmare owned, now belonged to him. For that reason he'd taken the book out of Nightmare's room.

However, he'd just kept it on his bedside table for almost a year before he finally had the courage to read it.

It had mostly been a fond look over some old memories, some good and some bad. But there were also passages about his feelings for Dream, sometimes written confessions addressed him. Every word was full of truth, longing and pain. Dream had felt it all.

Those had been hard to read, but he'd not skipped a single page and read them each through several times.

Nearer the end of the book, Nightmare had started talking about his interest in the supernatural. Dream remembered his twin getting fascinated in that and spending long evenings talking with him about it over tea and biscuits.

One thing Dream hadn't known about, where his trips to the next town over, where he wrote about finding this shop and the shop keep. This had been where the interest started. It was this that had lead Dream to come here.

"right..." Killer said, downing what was left in his coffee mug and setting in on the counter top.

"well.... What can I help you with?"

Yeah.. Nightmare had written that Killer was always one to cut to the point. Dream knew that what he was going to ask sounded insane and he wasn't even fully sure if Killer was the right person to ask. But at this point he was desperate, he just needed to know. With his grip returning to his brothers pendent, he remembered who he was doing this for.

He took a deep breath.

"Can you bring people back from the dead?"

Killer didn't react visibly to that. But he drew out a long silence. After a little Dream was sure he saw his jaw clench. The silence was completely deafening, broken only by the sound of Killer's fingers tapping the counter top. Dream figured that he was probably struggling to think what to say. After what felt like a life time, he spoke.

"I specialise in charms and equipment for preventative measures to stop spirits inhabiting homes....I do not....." he paused

"I don't try and bring the dead to the living realms".

Dreams face fell. He really shouldn't have been so disappointed, it was a crazy ask. But with the way Killer spoke and what he sold in the shop, he'd felt so close to what he wanted. But maybe it really was just impossible.

He felt tears threatening to spill, he just couldn't take all this guilt anymore. All he wanted to do was tell his brother he was sorry. That night. That kiss. That dam horribly wonderful kiss...and that car. 

"however...." Killer continued.

Dream felt hope flush through at those words and stood up slightly straighter. Killer turned his back to dream and started looking over the bookshelves behind the counter.

He didn't say a word, as Dream curiously watched him. He ran his thumb across the spines of several of the oldest and most dusty looking of them, eventually plucking out a large leather bound book with silver straps.

He walked back over, blowing dust off it as he did, and set it down on the counter with a light thud. The cover was extremely dusty and the leather was cracked and split in several places, yet the title still read fairly clearly and Dreams felt his heart skipped a beat.

The Practice of a Necromancer. Vol one of three. Summoning, Controlling and Banishing.

"I've not read this one fully, but it's been in my collection for years.... I suppose this would be the right place to look"

With that, he slowly opened the book and very carefully started to turn its pages. The paper was completely yellowed and clearly very fragile. There were no photographs, only hand done drawings of various items and also what looked like people, but with strange and uncanny faces. There were also other frightening images that Dream was trying not to look at.

Killer eventually stopped and ran his finger across a page.

"ah ha" he said "to summon a spirit into the living world"

He read over the text for a moment, as Dream watched impatiently. Killer knitted his non-existent eyebrows and narrowed his eyes.

"this stuff sounds overly complicated to me..... so I guess I'm not sure really"

But Dream didn't really seem to be playing much attention to Killer's words now. He was so desperately trying to read the text upside-down. Reading was something that Dream always struggled with anyway, so reading upside down would be near impossible. He reached forward to try and pull the book to him.

But he jumped back in surprise as Killer slapped his hand across the book, sending some dust into the air.

"now now now not so hasty Lil Light" he said returning back to a sweet tone, as he said the a pet name that made Dream's toes curl.

In his haste Dream had forgotten that this was a shop, not a library, so of course he wouldn't just hand it over.

The smaller skeleton knew that the book was probably pricey so it's not like Killer would just let him have it. It was clearly very old and Dream worried that he wouldn't have enough for it, but if he had to pay all the money he had to buy it. He would.

Reaching inside of his pocket, Dream pulled out a bundle of paper money and placed it on the counter and next to the book. Killer looked at it for a moment, before he took it and counted how much money was in the bundle. He ran his fingers across the notes, looking as if he was very tempted and contemplating his next move.

But then, much to Dream's disappointment, he put it back down on the counter.

"I don't want your money dream... That's not what I meant"

An unhappy wine left Dream's mouth, as Killer proceeded to hand his money back to him. Just as he was about to ask why, Killer cut him off.

"it's not for sale"

"but what if I just borro-

"or for rent or loan"

Dreams soul twisted. This felt so Incredibly unfair. He wasn't ever one to really get angry or feel hatred for people. But why had Killer gotten this book down if he didn't intend to sell it? Was he just trying to mess with him?

It was that moment that he wasn't sure he really liked Killer all that much.

He sighed.

"h-how come? Can I do anything to change your mind?"

Killer sadly shook his head.

"Dream....... I like to read the stuff for research purposes not for a practical use"

Dream opened his mouth to object, but killer silenced him.

"and I don't care what you say... but I don't think you're just interested in the topic"

Dream tried very hard not to show disappointment on his face, but of course Killer picked up on it. It upset him that his intentions were so easy to guess. Then again he'd opened with 'can you bring people back from the dead'.

He really should have asked in a different way. Feeling like an idiot, he tried to say that he wasn't intending to use the book in practice. But Killer once again shook his head.

He stood up slightly and gave Dream a sympathetic look, or a sympathetic as he could make it through his cold eyes.

"look....I know you miss him and that's ok I've lost people myself to" he said in a uncharacteristically gentle tone, which sounded fake. 

Dream looked at his feet.

"but the dead need to be left dead. Trying to bring them back never ends well, Nightmare wouldn't want you to get hurt trying to help him"

Dreams eyes stayed fixed on the floor, not wanting to look at killer any longer. He didn't want him to see him cry. He didn't want to look like a baby. Just as he was going to try arguing again, behind him he heard the shop door open and the bell ring

He looked back at Killer seeing he'd straightened up.

"K-killer...." came a soft but slightly panicked voice.

Curiously, Dream looked over his shoulder at the source of the voice. It was another skeleton stood by the door.

In all his life, Dream had never seen someone look to tired. They seem to be slightly younger then Dreams age but it was hard to tell how much. Their appearance was clearly young, but the huge bags under their eyes aged their face several years. The most notable thing about them was that their eye lights where small, indicating that they were on edge.

They were wearing a oversized cream knitted sweater and had a maroon scarf decorated with a paw print pattern tide around their neck. They fiddled with it as their eyes a looked at Killer and then to Dream.

From where he was, Dream could also see them wearing several of the necklaces and charms that Killer a sold, as well as a few layers of bandages around their arms.

Killer hastily exited from behind the counter and approached them.

"Hey Cappuccino......." he said, trying again to sound soft.

Ccino wasted no time in burying his head to Killers chest and wrapping his arms around him.

In response, Killer stumbled slightly and looked momentarily taken back and very uncomfortable. After a moment he sigh, before gently placing an hand on his back.

"hey.....it's ok ya wimp... I'm guessing they're back right?"

Ccino simply nodded, Killer sighed.

"Dream can you show yourself out? I've got to take care of this, we're closing anyway. I'm sorry I couldn't help you better"

As Killer attempted to comfort the shaking skeleton, Dream turned his attention back to the book in front of him. It was just within his reach, the page was tantalising.

It was so clear, a set instructions of the exact thing he'd need to do to reach his goal. 

Killer's warning played in his mind. 

But he knew what he was doing right? It was his brother, what did Killer really know about what Nightmare would have wanted. He didn't know how.... Close... They were. At least he thought he knew.

It was a split second choice.

As Killer continued to try and comfort his companion, he saw Dream hastily exit the shop without saying another word. He stared at the door.

It didn't feel right. 

He narrowed his eyes and stepped back from Ccino slightly.

"hang on"

He walked back to the counter and was relieved to see that the book was still there, however a moment later he noticed something else that make him freeze and curse under his breath.

"what's wrong?" Ccino asked, walking up next to him.

Killer didn't answer and instead picked up his book and looked at it closely to confirm what he saw. When he saw he was right, he near growled.

"Killer?" Ccino asked not seeing the problem.

"look....."Killer said quietly.

He ran his finger down the spine where the pages joined together. Once you looked closely you could see the remnants of torn paper sticking out.

"he took the page"

references coming soon.

[wlw-lovestruck-fiction]

A FMC x Lavinia hurt/comfort fic, where Lavinia comforts FMC or the other way around. I feel really lonely currently.. I'm going through a tough time and I kind of crave some comfort :/ Thank you and sorry for bothering you. Take care :3

Written by @blue-is-the-coolest-color

It felt good to be in the camper again. Between fluffy blankets and surrounded by random books Lavinia has picked up from libraries or bookstores that have interested her. It’s a strange collection, fairy tales and fiction, a few vegetarian cookbooks scattered about the small kitchen area, a few books about animals or fauna. A collection to capture Lavinia’s curiosities of this world.

Speak of the devil. Annisa had to move her arm quickly as the taller woman shifted next to her until she managed to snuggle up close against her, wrapping her arms around Annisa and placing her head on her chest. Annisa rolled her eyes affectionately as she put down the book she had been flipping through in favor of running her hands through Lavinia’s hair.

“You’re very affectionate tonight,” Annisa pointed out, though she really couldn’t blame Lavinia for a bit of clinginess. It had been weeks since they had been able to have a moment alone, but she could tell the ordeal with Rapunzel had caused something short of frustration to play on Lavinia. The girl was distant since she arrived at the camper, deep in thought at moments with her brows furrowed together and lips tight. Annisa had played it off as exhaustion after everything, but now she was a bit more worried as she felt Lavinia cuddle as close as possible.

“Thinking.”

“Ever articulate.”

Annisa teased as she started rubbing circles into Lavinia’s shoulder blades. Soothing the tension that stuck there and causing a soft sound very reminiscent of a purr to leave Lavinia’s lips. The two stayed like that for a moment before Lavinia gently pushed away until she was on her elbows hovering closely. Annisa could see the confusion and frustration in the other woman’s eyes as she waited patiently to see if Lavinia would deflect or if she would say what had been haunting her for the last hour and a half.

“Ranpuzel has killed innocent witches. Simply for being witches, and she wanted to kill me regardless of what it would do to the people of my kingdom. She even threatened the witchling, and yet-” Lavinia’s eyes narrowed slightly in a brief glare as if the reasoning of it pissed her off, “and your friends are really going to let all that go? Even though she’s proud of those she’s slain.”

Annisa listened patiently, not commenting as she felt Lavinia’s arms tense and relaxed with the statements, as if Lavinia was trying to keep from letting the anger consume her more than it has.

“We are not unalike.”

Lavinia admitted reluctantly, as if the statement was acid in her throat.

“We both grew up in less than ideal situations, used or thrown away, isolated, forced to struggle for years. We crawled out of it in different ways, killed people, did horrible things in the name of our own selfish justice or reasoned it in whatever way. We both-”

Lavinia trailed off hard and Annisa had to fight the urge to brush the long silver hair out of her face as it slipped from her shoulders. There’s a pain in Lavinia’s voice, on that Annisa hadn’t heard too often from the other girl before.

“Gothel,” Lavinia tried to articulate what she wanted to say, but it’s choked and Annisa feels her heart break at the sound.

“Lavinia,” Annisa pushed herself up a bit as Lavinia hastily rubbed at her eyes and tried to go back to how she was laying.

“Forget it, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not,” Annisa argued as she let her hands move to Lavinia’s face, trying to get the woman to look at her, “it’s hurting you, so it’s not nothing.”

Lavinia looked away, a bit of shame crossing her face.

“I was once a student of Gothel. There was a time, back when I was young, that I wanted to be strong and feared like her. Because then maybe I could hold on to the things that mattered to me, then maybe-” Lavinia’s eyes darkened and she tried to turn her head as to no look into Annisa’s eyes, but Annisa still saw the tears the threatened to spill over, “I was orphaned when I was very young, I couldn’t use magic, I was alone. Gothel had this power and I wanted her to teach me. She didn’t at first, but decided I was amusing and worth playing with. She’d send me on these ridiculous errands and I’d do an insane amount of magical research to try and convince her I was worth her time.

Then my magic appeared, my ice alignment made itself known and suddenly I was the only student Mother Gothel wanted to teach. She taught me spells she wouldn’t utter to the other witches in her coven. It felt like she had taken me under her wing. I would have done anything for her.”

Annisa listened quietly, horrified by the raw pain that had claimed Lavinia’s throat. She had known Rapunzel was a victim of Gothel, but hearing that Lavinia had also been a target caused her heart to ache for the woman in her arms.

“She told me about how she planned to kill the ice king and needed my help. I was important to this mission and she needed me to follow her orders to the T. I was so excited to help her, to make a real difference and to take down the Tyrant who abused his power and caused the mass slaughter of so many magical beings in the ice kingdom. The king liked to set up his own witch hunts where he’d release a witch he had captured into his private woods to hunt down and kill. Our plan was for me to get captured and to wait for Gothel who would come and stage a breakout. During the panic she would kill the king while I distracted all his guards with a permafrost spell I had read about in a book.

So I did my part, I let the king catch me and I lived in the dungeon underneath the castle. I waited for Gothel to appear. I waited weeks, starving in a dark wet cell. I was so hungry, I hadn’t felt hunger that strong since arriving at the orphanage. Eventually it was my turn to be hunted, and when they let me into those woods I decided I would kill the king myself. So I used an old spell Gothel had me test a while ago and I slaughtered almost all of the king’s men in the forest. And then I killed him and sat on the throne covered in blood and announced that the king had fallen.”

“Gothel had left, abandoned me there, then had the nerve to show up two weeks after my coronation and demand I give her magic in exchange for teaching me. We fought and I threw up the magical barrier around my kingdom using one of her spells for spite.”

“I guess that explains how you don’t age.” Annisa interrupted and then almost hit herself for such a sudden outburst, but Lavinia nodded.

“I don’t age because it’s the same spell Gothel uses to steal magic, only my people can refuse to give me their magic, they offer up their magic to keep the barriers around the kingdom, so I guess in a way I’m not giving them much of a choice.”

Lavinia sighed, balancing herself on one arm for a moment to run a hand through her hair.

“I let all my pain get the better of me, and I hurt more people because I was too afraid of losing my newfound power. I wanted to keep everything out, because that’s how everything could stay safe,” Lavinia shook her head, “I sound like a maniac.”

“Lavinia, it doesn’t matter what you did before, all that matters to me is that you’re trying to do better now,” Annisa flashed the other girl a soft smile, “what Gothel did to you was horrible, and you shouldn’t have had to suffer to feel like you weren’t alone.”

“But I always am, somehow.”

It’s so quiet and heartbreaking to hear Lavinia’s voice like this. Annisa’s smile dropped as she tried to process the hurt, pain, and anger flashing through Lavinia’s icy eyes.

“To have a chance like Rapunzel has been given. To actually be allowed to keep writing my story without having to hurt you more to do so. I’d have to bend over backwards to be given a quarter the chance at redemption that she’s been allowed after everything. Why? Because her story deemed her a hero despite her murders and crimes?”

Maybe weeks ago Annisa would have said something to defend Rapunzel, defend why she should be given chance after chance where Lavinia shouldn’t. Lavinia dropped her head back to her shoulder in frustration.

“...You’re mad because they won’t give you that chance,” Annisa commented as she wrapped her arms around Lavinia’s shoulders, keeping her in place when she felt her start to shift, “I didn’t think you cared so much about what they thought about you.”

“I don’t,” Lavinia grumbled into her shoulder, “but I know it would be easier for you if they trusted me to keep you safe at least. Then maybe you wouldn’t have to sneak around to see me.”

Annisa held the woman tighter, placing a firm kiss to her head as she felt her relax into her arms.

“They’re not all against you. Arin wants to give you a chance, and I could convince Oliver to as well. And you have me.”

“As long as I have you.”

Of course the melting queen would sneak in some sweet nothings while they layed there, Annisa couldn’t say she was surprised by the familiar affection in Lavinia’s voice.

“So you're using me as a pillow here all night? I’m supposed to be home.”

Lavinia smirked, wrapping her arms tighter.

“Stay, please?”

“Oh my,” Annisa pretended to swoon, batting her eyelashes, “did her majesty just say please? To little old me. What a blessing that has bestowed upon my unworthy ears!”

“Brat,” Lavinia laughed, a beautiful light sound that Annisa would kill to hear, “you’re not allowed to leave now, punishment for mouthing off to a queen.”

“You love when I mouth off to you.”

“Maybe.”

The smirk caused Annisa to blush, suggesting a far dirtier joke that Lavinia had opted out of saying.

“I wish I could stay here,” Annisa sighed as she looked up at the ceiling of the cabin, the little snowflake fairy lights making her smile, sinking her fingers into unbelievable soft silver hair as she felt Lavinia tilt to head, eyelashes brushing against Annisa’s neck in soft butterfly kisses, “I love being this close to you.”

Lavinia hummed her agreement as Annisa’s fingers scratched at her scalp and wandered through her hair.

“It’s certainly a treat, watching the Ice Queen melt just for me.”

“You’re the only person worth melting for.”

Annisa hated how her mind immediately flashed to a certain snowman character from a Disney movie. She couldn’t control the way the giggles shook her form. Lavinia propped herself up on her arm, trying to look bored but the soft look in her eyes betrayed her horribly as she watched Annisa laugh at a joke she didn’t understand.

“Remind me that I need you to watch a movie with me.”

Lavinia hummed and let her fingertips trace patterns into Annisa’s arm before bringing her hand up to her lips, pressing a soft kiss that caused Annisa to blush.

“Do you really have to leave now?”

“I guess I can spare five minutes.”

Five turned to an hour, but it wasn’t like Annisa was complaining.

[notwiselybuttoowell]

We're Stewards of Our Land: The Rise of Female Farmers

'I was always fascinated by getting things out of the ground’

Sinead Fenton

Grows vegetables and edible flowers at Aweside Farm, East Sussex

Sinead Fenton is on an early lunch break, hiding from the sun. “It’s ridiculously intense, so I think we’re going to call it a day and crack back on in the evening,” she says. Fenton and her partner, Adam Smith, have been putting in beds and getting ahead on groundwork for next year. This year, there will be no commercial crops on the couple’s 4.5-acre plot.

They signed the papers on their farm last November and moved onto the land in March. Around the time they needed to make decisions about how they’d manage their first harvest, lockdown happened. With restaurants and florists – their main clients – out of action for the foreseeable future, they made the decision not to sow seeds but concentrate on opening up the land. “We were going to do it over three or four years, so we’re squeezing three years of work into this year, so we can focus on growing next year,” Fenton says.

She and Smith cut their scythes at Audacious Veg, a 0.1-acre plot in Hainault, at the end of the Central Line between Essex and London. Shortly after volunteering at the allotment in 2017, they heard the project was about to finish: “Naively, with about three weeks’ worth of growing experience, we decided that we’d take it on and get the produce to chefs.”

Smith worked in insurance accounting and while Fenton most recently worked in software and food policy, her background was in geology. “I came at farming from an activist point of view,” she says. “I was always fascinated by getting things out of the ground, but that is a destructive industry. Farming is nicer because I can do something for the system instead of taking everything from it.”

There was a lot of insecurity around the project. Land is contentious, especially in London, and land law is difficult and expensive to negotiate for those with no farming background. “Adam and I are both from cities – I’m from London, he’s from Essex. We’re from low-income families, and we had no access to farms growing up,” Fenton explains. “It’s basically impossible to get on the land, because it’s so expensive, or passed down through generations.”

They got the land for Aweside through the Ecological Land Co-op, which buys fields designated by Defra as only being good for arable crops, then splits them up to create smallholdings. Aweside is neighbours with a veg-box scheme, and waiting for others who’ll transform what once was a 20-acre maize field into a cluster of small farms rich with biodiversity. Now Fenton and Smith have a 150-year lease, and no worries that what they create will be taken away.

It’s not yet a permanent home. Fenton says they’ll be living in a caravan for a few years: “Another part of land law in the UK that makes land inaccessible is that if you want to live on your land you have to go through five years of proving your business is profitable, viable and that there is a functional need for you to live there.” Having livestock is an easy way to pass the test, but because Aweside is a vegan farm, Fenton and Smith need to cultivate and show they use every bit of plot.

It’s daunting but Fenton is excited about having a blank slate to work with. “There’s so much more to food than what supermarkets tell us to eat,” she says, explaining that they’ll grow varieties at risk of extinction, or that aren’t commonly grown in a mass market food system. “Seed diversity and plant genetics are serious issues.”

The three principles the couple work to are: more flowers, more trees, thriving soil. They’re working no-dig, putting compost directly on the ground and letting the soil life mix everything over time. They’re pesticide-free and are counting on the fact that the more diversity they have in the system, especially with a high proportion of flowers to pollinators and insects, the fewer problems they’ll face.

“Socially, economically and environmentally, something needs to change. Things have been done the same way by the same people for a long time,” says Fenton of the farming industry’s need for greater diversity. “I learned to grow on an allotment site where there are lots of different things growing at once. Bringing that approach into sites like this is needed – the industry needs it to keep itself relevant.”

'I'm hoping this will be seen as quite a cool career… even if it’s not’

Abi Aspen Glencross

Head of grains at Duchess Farms, Hertfordshire

It was, Abi Aspen Glencross was well aware, an odd, even inopportune time to launch a crowdfunding campaign. In June, with the country still locked down, Duchess Farms asked for support to buy dehulling, cleaning and milling equipment. The Hertfordshire farm needed about £16,000, and the money would go towards boosting the production of ancient and heritage grains for making flour.

“A lot of crowdfunders have been for charity or ‘please keep our restaurant open’,” says the 28-year-old Glencross, head of grains – or “senior flour nerd” – at Duchess Farms since 2019. “We felt a bit bad, but we lost a lot of our business overnight when all the restaurants closed and we were like: ‘God, we hope we don’t go under.’ It was quite a scary time for everyone.”

Still, if we have learned one thing from Covid-19, when times are hard, British people get baking. Perhaps inspired by countrywide shortages of flour, maybe invigorated by a new interest in left-field, older wheats such as einkorn and emmer, Duchess Farms sprinted to its target. “We’ve just done some ordering of equipment this morning,” says Aspen, when we speak in July. “It’s been a tough time for everyone but it has cascaded into some beautiful things and we’re just so thankful.”

Glencross’s path to farming was circuitous. She studied chemical engineering, but while her classmates were heading off for jobs at ExxonMobil and Procter & Gamble, she was more of “a hippy at heart”. She decided she wanted to learn more about soil and its role in food production. This led her to Blue Hill Stone Barns, Dan Barber’s pioneering farm-to-table restaurant in the Hudson Valley, north of New York. She spent four months working on the farm and in the bakery, receiving a crash course in ancient grains – an obsession of Barber’s. But the moment Glencross knew she herself wanted to farm came in 2016 in a field in Hertfordshire. She was with John Cherry, who was showing her around Weston Park Farms, 2,500 acres of land he maintains with minimal fertiliser use and zero tillage.

“We were walking around the fields of wheat and I just said: ‘Where does all this go? There’s so much of it,’” Glencross says. “And John goes: ‘Oh probably for animal feed. It’s a consistent market, they’ll take it, it’s easy, even if we don’t earn that much money from it.’ And I was like: ‘This is crazy.’ And that was the beginning of me getting on this grain bender because I was like: ‘Why can’t we grow these grains organically and not feed them to animals?’ So I realised I’d have to start a business, because there were not very many people doing that.”

Heritage grains can be harder to produce in vast quantities – einkorn, especially, is “a bitch to harvest” – but they do have advantages over conventional wheats. They typically have deep roots and grow tall, which means they shade out weeds and do not require chemical sprays. The end product is more nutritious and then there’s the taste. Since 2017, Glencross has run a roving supper club called the Sustainable Food Story with Sadhbh Moore, and Duchess Farms has worked closely with bakeries such as E5 Bakehouse in east London and Gail’s, and restaurants including Doug McMaster’s Silo. “Heritage grains are delicious: when you stop growing for yield and you start growing for quality the flavour is insane,” says Glencross.

Learning to farm from scratch has not been straightforward, but you sense that’s a big part of the appeal for Glencross. “There’s all these decisions the farmer makes throughout the year and why he sprays and why he doesn’t,” she says. “You realise that most people get up, sit at a computer all day and if they press the wrong button, they just delete it. When you’re a farmer, you plant at the wrong time of year and tomorrow it washes away your whole crop.”

Glencross acknowledges that it is almost unprecedented for women to run arable farms. She struggles to name a single other example in the UK. She also notes wryly that men dominate all the farming conferences, saying: “They have a wife but it’s always the men who have written the book and given the presentation.”

With more role models, Glencross hopes things will change. “I’m not cool in any way, but I’m a reasonably young lady,” she says, laughing. “And so when people say: ‘What do you do? Oh, you’re a farmer. Maybe I could do that …’ So I’m hoping that it might become seen as quite a desirable, almost cool career.” A pause: “Even if it’s very much not cool.” 

[mugoki]

[ 5 March — 14 March, 2021 ]

1K Pages Readathon wrap-up

Here are all the books i read for #1kpagesmarch challenge! 💗

Total pages read: 1104 / 1000 (if my math is correct)

Here are my book reviews:

The Old King in His Exile (2017) by Arno Geiger

Arno Geiger tell in great detail of his father's slow change into dementia, how his strange behavior and mannerism suddenly isn't made to fit in their everyday life, as if he'd been put in exile. But also of his father's childhood, in a way to explain the new ideas and needs the illness put in the old man's head. Beautiful story of a man struggling to chase his memories as the world around turn stranger. 180 pages 🌟 4/5 stars

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Diary (1956) by Olof Lagercrantz

Went into this book blind, don't think i've read this author's books before. Idk, i couldn't get into it. The text doesn't feel 100% genuine, feels written specifically for an audience instead of personal journal and even if the language is poetic - is like uninteresting smalltalk. Olof lives near a graveyard, and when he isn't thinking deeply about death and life, he mention cute women he has seen during the day. I dropped this book at 55 pages read (out of 159 pages), giving it 1/5 stars 🌟

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111 Ways to Save the Planet (2019) by Jonna Karvonen and Marie Schjulström

111 listed ways to save the environment as a single human being! First the book tell of the bigger picture, if each person change their old ways and educate, we are bound to make a difference. If not for everyone else, at least do it for the animals.

I haven't read much environmental books but after some severe signs of our dying earth lately, i felt i wanted to do something but had no idea what. Found myself incredibly inspired by this book! Many of the points speaks to different kind of people: like the regular joe or the broke student or the business owner or a parent. Like the book have something that everyone can do within their own restrictions and boundaries.

I used post-its to remember a few points that spoke to me. 92 pages and 5/5 stars 🌟

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Aniara (1956) by Harry Martinson

Tried reading this sci-fi novel after watching a super interesting youtube movie review, but the language of the book made me too impatient to continue. The concept sound insanely good though! The spaceship Aniara on its way to Mars suddenly end up off course and hover indefinitely waiting for an asteroid to help turn them back, but as the years go by, the passengers grow more desperate and crazier.

When reached chapter 15 (out of 200) i felt frustrated, like "i can't go on like this". Got myself through only 32 pages out 188 pages before calling it quits. 2/5 stars 🌟

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Homework (1989) by various authors*

Anthology short stories about childhood school memories from early 1910s up to 1960s. Very interesting how school looked, worked and felt like during those days - more god praising and physical punishment than i far expected. But every story had something i enjoyed reading. 223 pages, 4/5 stars 🌟

*Bengt Anderberg, Mats Arvidsson, Sun Axelsson, Jonas Gardell, Lotten Gustafsson, Staffan Göthe, Cecilia Hagen, P. C. Jersild, Nina Lekander, Bodil Malmsten, Agneta Pleijel, Margareta Strömstedt, Maarja Talgre, Karl Vennberg, Claire Wikholm, Herta Wirén and Pia Zandelin. Editor: Lena Persson.

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Desperate Characters (1970) by Paula Fox

Sophie and Otto are a married couple in their 40s. She is a bit naive or at least timid while he is cynical and bad at showing emotions.

Sophie gets bitten pretty severely by a wild cat, and for some reason she doesn't want medical attention. I think it's because the bite is the most exciting thing happening to her life since forever, or maybe she just doesn't want to be a bother? So she let it become infected spreading up her arm, but with the pain, her personality changes from being someone passive - to being able to argue, angry and be loud.

Meanwhile Otto has a problem of his own. His longtime business partner and friend Charlie has decided to start his own lawyer company. Charlie manipulate their customers to turn their back on Otto and join his new company. At first Otto is very cold about this, as if he doesn't care but as the story progresses he slowly open up how betrayed and hurt he feels about the whole ordeal.

Other stuff happen in between, memories of when Sophie had a secret romance with someone else, their house get vandalized, they go to dinner parties.

All the other characters speak in this weird similiar manner btw - they hold monologues about something that leads to another topic that leads to another, then back to the first one. It reminds me of the theater somehow. 182 pages and 3/5 stars 🌟

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It is Strange Nowadays (2009) by Karin Flygare

Birgitta cares for her mother who slowly succumbing to dementia. It's ugly and tragic and frustrating, but also beautiful. When suddenly becoming a mother for her own mother, Birgitta finds herself struggling to maintain her own identity and life to care for a woman who is rude, reluctant and downright bothersome towards her with constant need for attention. I quote "Even though i'm worried, i'm angry over the fact that she's ruining my day." and i can't help feeling frustrated with her. Every waking moment, always calling, taking care of everything and still get no recognition. But also a child's love for their parent, staying through everything despite getting hurt. I can relate so much with my own life situation.

I know this is fiction but it all sounds so realistic, and even the care-home process feel well researched. At one point, the agent of a low quality home tries to sign themselves as their legal guardian for her mother, but luckily she is quick to notice and makes herself present. Good job! Also, good book! 207 pages and 5/5 stars 🌟

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The Sea-man (2012) by Carl-John Wallgren

A big sister witness how some guys at school drench a cat in gasoline and sets it on fire, killing it. This leads to the bullies to daily harass her little brother who has slight intellectual disability. One day they get jumped, the brother is forced to eat dirt and the big sister get a branch shoved up her rear (no joke, wtf). Then another classmate shows up and bargain to leave them alone in exchange for something. The bullies want $100. The big sister and classmate start stealing clothes from shops to resell them. I only read to page 106 out of 287, when the sea creature finally gave an appearance. But by then they had already payed the bullies and gotten rid of the conflict. I felt exhausted and unmotivated to continue. 1/5 stars

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In the Grip of the Lindworm (2014) by Hans Ohlsson

One of many horror stories from his novel collection called Stranger, Intruder. The story tells of a grandfather taking his granddaughter on a three day hike through mountains and forest, as a pick-me-up after a recent accident took both her parents. She is bitten by a snake during her pee break and start getting really sick. We feel stressed with grandfather as he tries to find help before it's too late. It's based on a Swedish mythological creature called Lindworm, which could bring both luck or misfourtune. Never heard of it causing illness but wish he would have filled in some info instead of relying on the reader to automatically know. I'm definitely going to continue reading this collection though! 4/5 stars and 27 pages 🌟