#the beach episode: fucking dropkicks me

[alltheoutsinfreeeee]

I know this is the Eva and Neil game but.

Quincyyyyyyyyy 😭😭😭

And Neil's reaction to it????

I'm not okay. (i promise)

[deltaengineering]

Bummer Anime 2018 Part 2: shoujo to the rescue

It got better, mostly because it could hardly get worse. That doesn’t mean it was a smooth ride, of course. I would like to state, for the record, that I’m not trying to be the funny guy who hates everything here; the season’s just that unusually bad. As before, the source for the ad copy at the end of each block is this.

Asobi Asobase

What: A bunch of assholes play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

✅ It’s another exuberant comedy, and unlike Chio-chan, I can’t catch this one on the execution: It has the technical chops and honestly good comedic timing.

❌❌ Initially wants to make you believe it’s a pleasant cute girls doing cute things show, but what it actually is is a brutally annoying and ugly explosion in the reactionface factory. Since the production values are there, it’s rather too good at that.

❌❌ I was trying to compare it to something, and the best I could come up with was rage comics. Yeah, it’s anime rage comics. It’s that bad.

❌❌ I would feel more benevolent towards it if it were shorter, but at full length its high energy screaming based assault is mostly just tiresome.

♎ This is one of those rare shows where even I will say your mileage may vary. It’s really good at what it does, but I hate everything it does. Hooray for the subversion, but at the end of the day you’re still annoying and ugly.

ANN sez: “It's this exact mix of stupid crassness and innocent naiveté that I think truly defines high-school life, and Asobi Asobase nails it perfectly. “

Hyakuren no Haou to Seiyaku no Valkyria

What: A smartphone with a light novel protagonist attached time travels to the bronze age, establishes a incest-fascist harem regime with the power of Wikipedia.

❌❌ read the synopsis again please

❌❌ there’s more idiocy than that, believe it or not (ex.: smartphone hotline to his actual imouto, for the feels), but I haven’t got all day.

❌❌ Basing your isekai shit on “history” (i.e., a LN author’s idiotic idea of history) instead of an MMO or whatever only serves to piss me off even more.

❌❌ Actually not better than Isekai Smartphone, which makes it one of the worst anime episodes I have ever seen. Congratulations. The only thing it has over Death March is that it doesn’t spend 80% of the time in menus, but it makes menus look pretty good so it’s a wash.

ANN brainfarts: “Yuuto also seems to be limiting his phone searches to historically accurate things as well, which shows that he's really thinking about the fact that he's in the past – no one's inventing the rocket here, they're just learning to grind grain and use the phalanx formation for battles.”

Phantom in the Twilight

What: Chinese girl travels to London, inadvertently inherits her great-grandma’s vampire harem. 

✅ Step 1 of every otome harem appraisal is determining how much of a wet blanket the protagonist is; Ton here is pretty spunky and even gets to kick some ass, so well done on that.

✅ Some of the right kind of nonsense for my taste, stuff like chav goblins and Jiangshi with miniguns is always appreciated.

✅ Random shows ending up with bizarre minimal techno soundtracks is still something that I approve of.

❌ Still not the glorious kind of nonsense that Dance With Devils had, nor the disregard of actual romance in favor of comedy that Dame x Prince exhibited. It’s an otome-ass otome harem and that’s not inspiring confidence for the long term.

❌ Looks cheap, and that won’t be getting any better.

ANN sez: “The fantasy worldbuilding here also felt far more sturdy than in many similar shows; this isn't a world where the Good Fantasy Guys fight the Bad Fantasy Guys, this is a world where creatures like goblins and spriggans and werewolves all exist, all possess their own cultures and priorities, and uneasily rub shoulders with each other.”

Jashin-chan Dropkick

What: Demon snake girl wants to murder the chuuni gothloli that summoned her, gets owned right back.

❌❌ It’s the second coming of Dokuro-chan, with every punchline being torture. Quite literally for the characters, and consequently for the audience as well.

❌❌ Needless to say, the entire cast (there’s some additional supernatural babes, none of which make much of an impression) are jerks and the show being wantonly mean-spirited towards them does not cancel that out. 

❌ Somehow the second anime about eating reptile ass in recent memory. But Maidragon, as lame as it was, wasn’t as terrible as this. Jashin-chan won’t get into insipid family feels any time soon, but the alternative is worse.

ANN sez: “If this is your taste in humor, it may be worth giving a second episode to see if it starts pulling that off.”

Kyoto Teramachi Sanjou no Holmes

What: Handsome genius antique dealer appraises old pottery and his assistant’s soul.

✅ I have to admit that if you somehow decided to make a otome version of Sherlock without anything so crass as murder, this is how you’d do it. It works.

✅ The leading pair has simple but effective chemistry.

✅ The studio behind it has mostly done porn OVAs before, which is the kind of meta-humor I can get behind.

❌ Based on a series of novels, so naturally the talkytalk gets out of hand.

❌ Doesn’t have the highest budget, tries to make up for it with rainbow-colored garishness. Not a dealbreaker but it could get tiresome.

ANN sez: “While Yagashira cuts a handsome figure as the bishonen, Aoi has more of an ordinary appearance – perhaps deliberately so, since I suspect that the source novels were originally aimed at female audiences.”

Shinya! Tensai Bakabon

What: Showa-era gag manga gets on air again after decades, repeatedly points out how hilarious that is.

❌ Beat-for-beat the same first episode concept as Osomatsu-san.

❌ The main difference is that Bakabon is more willing to look old as fuck, but when they arrive at the non-ruse look at the end of the episode, it’s the same as the non-ruse look that Osomatsu-san ended up at the end of its own first episode.

❌  So guess what, constantly takes potshots at Osomatsu-san, despite being a blatant ripoff of it.

❌❌ When it doesn’t reference Things You Know (if you’re a middle-aged Japanese salaryman), it references its own sorry showa-era gag manga self.

❌❌ I didn’t even like Osomatsu-san but this is an embarrassment.

♎ On the bright side, not as likely to provide fujos with incest shipping material. I fully expect to be proven painfully wrong on this.

ANN sez: Nothing. Way too Japanese for them, I suppose. 

Angolmois - Genkou Kassenki

What: Historical action show wherein a bunch of misfits in medieval Japan fight the Mongols.

✅ Fairly decent action and animation thereof.

✅ Characters seem alright for this sort of thing. Maybe a bit too tryhard violent for my tastes, but that’s still within acceptable parameters.

❌❌ The looks are ruined in postproduction. I could live with the heavyhanded color correction, but what really kills it is the same omnipresent static paper texture over every single shot. It’s bad when it doesn’t change between shots but it’s devastating when it doesn’t move along with zooms and pans, which this show has a lot of.

❌❌ Seriously, I haven’t seen anything as senselessly destroyed by a single AfterEffects layer since Garo: Vanishing Line’s Parkinsonscam, but at least that only affected impact frames. Here it’s literally every frame. Delete that PNG you damn fools.

❌ So yeah, it’s okay-ish but that’s not enough to survive one boneheaded executive decision that’s impossible to ignore. It just comes out as a net negative.

ANN sez: “From its beautifully animated, choreographed, and directed fight scenes to its generally dynamic compositions and keen understanding of visual economy, Angolmois is a visually stunning production.”

Lord of Vermilion - Guren no Ou

What: Tokyo gets enveloped in red mist which raptures most of the population and turns the rest into JRPG characters. They start fighting, we promise.

❌ Has the shape of an obvious Persona clone, but isn’t one; it’s actually based on an arcade CCG. So the source material isn’t very classy to begin with.

❌❌ Haphazardly thrown together so it’s hard to care about anything, especially not the characters.

❌❌ Opens with a flashforward to the climax, so we know this will just end up as overdesigned dudes and dudettes having allegedly epic battles that the show can’t afford to make look good, but can afford to make very red. Thanks for the heads up, I guess.

❌ So it’s quite bad, and not even funny-bad like Caligula was.

ANN sez: “There are always a few action shows like this every season, and they're always entirely overshadowed by that season's versions of shows like My Hero Academia and Banana Fish”

Grand Blue

What: City slicker moves to a beach town expecting to end up in Amanchu; ends up in Animal House instead.

❌❌ Say it with me: Every punchline is the protagonist making a shocked face at dumb meatheads doing something stupid.

♎ For something that I feel like I should hate every second of, I actually didn’t hate it all that much. I even thought it was mostly sort of enjoyable. I don’t really know what exactly does it but I can offer some ideas:

✅ While the punchlines (well, punchline) may be bad, the jokes themselves aren’t. This is a real sitcom with larger-scale comedic setups than you usually see in anime, jokes build upon each other and keep escalating.

✅ Sleazy fratboy humor about partying hard and drinking like an idiot isn’t very profound, but rare at least in anime. And it’s amusing that the overall conceit is that it’s preventing iyashikei from taking place. Novelty counts for something. 

✅ Manages to build awkward comedic situations about buff dudes with their dicks out without resorting to the same old gay panic jokes. Just regular panic, no homo.

✅ Makes a good Friday beach bum combo with Harukana Receive, which incidentally also got better by embracing its more prurient side.

ANN sez: “If Grand Blue Dreaming has a major Achilles heel, its that it isn't self-aware enough to recognize when a joke has run its course. ”

Happy Sugar Life

What: Yandere sociopath adopts a preteen girl (from a parking lot). It’s cute, only not.

✅ Is fully aware that everyone in this show is an asshole and is honestly trying for subversive. At least on the surface.

✅ Goes all on on the imagery, which works. At least on the surface.

❌❌ Simply exploiting the contrast between cuteness and insanity got old about a decade ago; this cranks up the presentation on both sides but doesn’t really add anything new.

❌❌ About as mean-spirited and unpleasant as Mahou Shoujo Site, while having even less to say. 

❌ Doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere; it’s just going to be the main character pwning other people that are just as flamboyantly fucked up as she is, but not as good at it. Starting with a flashforward to the (very edgy, of course) ending like Lord of Vermilion doesn’t help either. And even if they end up rusemanning what is implied there it won’t be much better.

ANN sez: “Happy Sugar Life was on my list of most-anticipated anime this season because its combination of disparate elements seemed so utterly perverse that I was curious to see how they could possibly fit together.“

Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight

What: Girls slowwalk in an academy for stage arts by day, get into metaphorical superbattles by night.

✅✅ What can I say, it’s Love Live x Marimite with a glossy coating of Ikuhara-style operatics. A total deltabait concept if I’ve ever seen one.

✅ Clones the storytelling approach of Ikuhara but not many of his specific directing mannerisms; Since I’m tired of the latter but a sucker for the former, this is a good thing.

✅ In a similar vein, this trades Ikuhara’s functional ciphers for actual characters and his enigmatic arthouse plots for something that obviously makes sense. 

✅ How gay? So gay.

❌ Has the opposite problem of Grand Blue: This is a show that should blow me away, but doesn’t. In fact, if it didn’t bring the big damn musical theater complete with one of the best and most appropriate henshins I’ve ever seen near the end, I’d say it was fairly lame.

❌ Probably has something to do with that in the course of casualizing Ikuhara, the “real” world ended up too bland and the characters too generic. I get that it’s for contrast, but it can be done far better (see Yorimoi for an example).

✅ In any case, it still seems easily worth watching even if it’s not as good as it could be. Maybe it’ll even get better.

ANN sez: “All I can say for certain is that it comes completely out of nowhere, and that it raises all kinds of questions about what kind of series this is going to be.“

Yuragi-sou no Yuuna-san

What: Impoverished ghost hunter checks into a haunted hot spring and interacts with the harem that happens to live there.

❌ As generic a 90s ecchi harem comedy as they come; my correspondents tell me that this is extremely reminiscent of Love Hina. Shockingly it’s actually based on a 2016 manga, but you wouldn’t be able to tell.

❌ As such, an abundance of accidental boobplants and other saucy accidents makes up the bulk of what’s going on this show.

✅ The main ghost girl is fairly cute; The main dude is also relatively bearable and has at least one good joke in his backstory (which I won’t spoil), so the core dynamic is surprisingly fine. If the rest of the harem weren’t there, this wouldn’t be such a bad setup. 

❌ Features those dastardly breast-hiding light rays, reportedly even in the AT-X version. This doesn’t affect a large part of the show (the majority is more like the cap above), but boobies are probably still the only reason anyone cares about any of this.

♎ Certainly not good, but the lame shit of yore is not what I’m going to spend energy getting mad at in 2018. The 24 minutes I’m ever going to spend with it felt more nostalgic than anything.

ANN sez: “Ninja girl Sagiri comes off the worst from the situation, with nearly all of her dialogue spent promising to beat the crap out of anyone who doesn't measure up to her moral code. I imagine there must be more to her and the rest of the supporting cast than what we've seen so far, but at the moment they seem an awful lot like stock characters.”

Sirius the Jaeger

What: A broody werewolf and his team of assorted bad dudes hunt vampires in 30s Tokyo.

✅✅ Looks ace, this is an action show with deluxe everything. It better, because being directed by Masahiro Ando is pretty much the start and end of this show’s unique selling points.

✅ Interwar Tokyo with a bit of a gothick twist is a cool setting, and this show can afford to portray it properly.

❌ Seriously though... edgy vampires and edgier werewolves. Come on, son.

❌ Just like Banana Fish, this is a highly polished implementation of something that fundamentally isn’t very interesting to me.

✅ I’d still take it over Fanana Bish because this doesn’t seem to take itself so bloody seriously and is far more comfortable with just being moody action schlock. It’s also less showoffy, believe it or not. What else are you going to watch? Sirius the Jaeger is what you’re going to watch. Sorry.

ANN sez: They only have a preview from Anime Expo, and that boils down to “The second episode is where things start to get interesting.“ I sure hope so.

Well, we got a few acceptable shows in if nothing else, I’ll leave it up to you to figure out which ones those are. I’m cutting my losses here, see you in three months for a hopefully more bountiful season.

[fromtheringapron]

WCW Bash at the Beach 1995

Date: July 16, 1995.

Location: The beach at Huntington Beach.

Attendance: 9,500.

Commentary: Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan. 

Results: 

1. WCW United States Championship Match: Sting (champion) defeated Meng (with Col. Robert Parker). 

2. WCW Television Championship Match: The Renegade (champion, with Jimmy Hart) defeated Paul Orndorff.

3. Kamala (with Kevin Sullivan) defeated Jim Duggan. 

4. Diamond Dallas Page (with The Diamond Doll and Max Muscle) defeated Dave Sullivan. 

5. Triple Threat Match for the WCW Tag Team Championship: Harlem Heat (Stevie Ray and Booker T) (champions, with Sister Sherri) defeated The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs and Jerry Sags) and The Blue Bloods (Steven Regal and Bobby Eaton). 

6. Lifeguard Match: Randy Savage defeated Ric Flair. 

7. Steel Cage Match for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship: Hulk Hogan (champion, with Jimmy Hart and Dennis Rodman) defeated Vader. 

My Review

By 1995, Baywatch was one of the most popular TV shows in the world. Even the wrestling business couldn’t resist it. Earlier in the year, the WWF coaxed Pamela Anderson into appearing at WrestleMania. WCW, certainly not to be outdone, took it a step farther come the summer by featuring several of its wrestlers in an episode of the show. This would seem like an odd decision at first, but it’s not too off-brand when you consider WCW was already fucking off its rocker in 1995 anyway. Definitely less odd is the choice is to tie in the show with Bash at the Beach, a most natural fit if there ever was one.

Bash at the Beach 1995 presents a world that would shock us in the age of COVID-19⏤a large group of people frolicking to the beach, unmasked, without a care in the world. Fair enough, there’s still plenty of sights like this even amidst a pandemic, and we’re paying for it dearly, but it’s hard not to draw comparisons. In the hell of 2020, a crowded wrestling beach party seems like a distant, far-off concept. Regardless, I love the atmosphere of this show. There’s no fancy lighting or camera work or even an elaborate entrance way. It’s just set on a big ass beach in California, vast ocean in the distance and not a cloud in the sky.

The actual show isn’t nearly as fun though. A crowd packed with carefree beach goers obviously serves up a much different feel than the norm, but they’re not a particularly involved group of people either. I’m not sure how many people in attendance even watched wrestling, let alone WCW, but it wouldn’t surprise me if there weren’t a whole lot. They don’t react to much of anything in the ring, seemingly more concerned the camera catches them in the MTV-style beach party they seemed to think this event would be. It goes to show that an invested crowd really can make all the difference.

This will sound weird, but my biggest issue with this show is that it’s not ridiculous enough. WCW reached some incredible highs in absurdism in 1995 with Uncensored and later Halloween Havoc that Bash at the Beach seems kinda flat in comparison. All of the matches on the card just trudge along, nothing raising an eyebrow. Ric Flair and Randy Savage compete in a Lifeguard Match. A cute idea on paper, but it plays out like your standard lumberjack match once it’s all set and done. Hogan’s cage match with Vader just sorta happens, teasing a Vader face turn in the aftermath that would ultimately never fully blossom into something. Even The Dungeon of Doom, the peak of WCW camp, only exist on the outer edges of this show. A shame, as we could’ve used more of their presence to liven up the party.

There’s remarkably little indication this will be the same promotion going to war with the WWF every Monday a mere two months later. Maybe it’s just the beach setting, but WCW feels so relaxed and totally content with resting on the laurels of Hulkamania forever. My how things would change. As for Bash at the Beach 1995, stay for the waves and big open sky, but you can take or leave everything else.

My Random Notes

Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan look like they hate having play to the whims of the theme.  Can you blame them? They’re dressed up like your dad on vacation.

Damn them for robbing us of the wonderful pre-show segment of The Giant throwing Andre the Giant’s shirt at Hulk Hogan. The 20 people watching WCW Main Event that day really lucked out.

It feels wrong to mock anything about The Renegade given how tragically things would end for the man behind face-paint but, good lord, those dropkicks are dire. Oh, and the faux-Warrior promo and entrance? My goodness, the poor guy.

Sting vs. Meng may actually be one of the most boring openers I’ve ever seen? I know the crowd doesn’t help matters. I actually can’t blame them though. It’s setup to be this big showdown, but it’s like watching snapping turtles circle each other for 20 minutes.

In spite of everything I just said, blonde surfer Sting is such a hunk and could absolutely get it whenever he wants it.

I had no idea Dennis Rodman did anything in WCW pre-1997. Not that he adds much here, anyway. At the least, he’d be better used in the nWo, mostly because it seemed to reflect Rodman’s real-life toxic personality.

The crowd comes alive at something off-camera during DDP vs. Dave Sullivan, which I can only assume were drunken shenanigans by someone in the audience. Obviously nowhere near as epic as the fan who ruined Randy Savage’s hard-fought barn burner with The Zodiac at Halloween Havoc 1995.

Wait, were any of the Baywatch babes in the Lifeguard match ever actually on Baywatch? I’m too lazy to look it up.

WCW definitely seems happy to promote Slim Jims whenever possible, even going so far to have the Macho Man’s attire mirror the color scheme of the brand . It must’ve been considered a win to resurrect the happy marriage of Randy Savage and mechanically separated beef sticks after WWF bombed trying to get Diesel and Bam Bam Bigelow in on the deal.

[sharethisgemwithme]

“Adventures in Light Distortion” instant reaction

[Written on January 8-9. I was blind to this episode and the whole remainder of the Bomb, with the exception of tiny leaks and Youtube screenshots. Comments related to those spoilers are footnotes, marked with [#].]

Oh man, what a title. You see, the emphasis makes all the difference. Is it light distortion, as in little itty-bitty lies? After the previous episode, what further lies would we be telling? Or is there really the chance the gems are going to tell half-truths to Dr. and Mr. M and bring *Connie* along on this mission?!? Please oh please. Or, since the gems are light constructs, is it light distortion, as in the bending of light rays and such. And "Adventures in"... as in plural? I mean, obviously, the gems are going to chase after Blue Diamond. Are we going right to Homeworld? Are we doing this, for real? 'Cause sign me the hell up. Now, the gems have a ship, and I am 99% sure Pearl knows how to fly it because Pearl knows how to fix, operate, drive, or fly anything she damn well wants to, so we're about to find out just what it's like when the Ruby ship goes zoooooom [1]. I don't remember which is third, "Gem Heist" or "The Zoo", but whenever we meet up with Greg again (presumably at the zoo), are there other types of aliens there? Are there other gems? [2]

I'm spacing out the episodes, not chomping them all down at once, to give myself time to think about them. However, only the first episode remains available on VOD, so I'm watching tonight's via DailyMotion (the first place I saw that has the entire episode available in one video). So timestamps are those of the DM video, which has the intro begin at 0:09. As always, though, I’m watching straight through with no pauses or rewinds.

0:09 - Time to find a way. 0:32 - Hilary and Lauren tonight. (they fixed the title card, this was a Raven & Paul episode) 0:42 - Aww, no more Amethyst ponytail. 0:49 - Oh man, Pearl's losing her shit quickly. 0:59 - "Turn into a chair. I need to sit down." Wow. 1:17 - "That might be it." The zoo. Oh boy. 1:31 - Steven's like "are you fucking kidding me? a human zoo." 1:45 - Digging this music btw. 2:03 - Pearl going cross-eyed. 2:19 - "We're not coming back without Greg." That didn't sound as intimidating as I expected. 2:35 - They already flew on this, it should be OK. 2:55 - Aww. "Protect Beach City." 3:09 - "Bending reality." 3:26 - Lapis looks utterly thrilled about protecting BC. 3:42 - We're just totally handwaving all the oxygen issues. 3:53 - "Space turbulence"? Oh come on. 4:12 - WHAT ARE THEY ALL DOING IN THE SAME PLACE? 4:19 - "We should really do something about them." Ya think? 4:35 - It doesn't work that way. BTW, Greg's 40. Note to self. 5:03 - That doesn't sound good. 5:14 - NOT A GOOD DECISION, STEVEN. Maybe brace yourself before someone else hits the button. 5:35 - LOLOLOLOLOLO OH BOY. 5:50 - Oh my god, this is like almost chibi-size. 6:06 - "In what way is this funny?" EVERY WAY. 6:30 - I guess that makes sense. 6:41 - But they shouldn't all be the same size, so that's not really gonna work. 7:04 - I guess we're gonna spend the whole episode en route. 7:13 - STOP JUST MASHING BUTTONS, DUDE. 7:26 - Oh good, a big red X. That's never a bad sign. 7:31 - OH THAT'S NOT A BAD SIGN AT ALL. They just poofed? 8:07 - You might wanna get out of warp speed now. 8:31 - You can do it! 8:55 - Oh boy. Don't do this to yourself, Steve-o. 9:14 - Don't you goddamn dare do this "future vision" thing to me, here. 9:40 - HEALING TEARS? streaming back towards the gems. 10:23 - I guess, uhh, that makes sense. "Don't think too much about it." Don't worry, I won't. 11:04 - Time for stuff to happen! Next time... 11:20 - So is this Homeworld? Or are we still not quite there?

INSTANT REACTION - So it was the distortion of light we were dealing with, and honestly that was the kind of... not quite body horror, but body manipulation certainly that we would expect from a Paul & Raven episode, not a Hilary & Lauren. [N.B. I read several days later that this was in fact actually a Paul/Raven episode, and the title card was incorrect, so that makes sense] I'm a little embarrassed that the idea of Peridot and/or Lapis coming along never even occurred to me, but they were written out of the arc anyway. Steven's conversation with Connie was pretty curious, though. I wonder what she was saying on the other end of the line, but I really think she wanted to come along (as much of an absolutely terrible idea as that would probably be). We got a little more conclusive timeline. Greg would be turning 110 in 70 years, ergo he's 40 now, so he was 26 when Steven was born. Since he's "known the gems since [he] was 22", that means he spent about four years courting Rose. I know that I said "healing tears" above, and I am realizing now after the fact that Steven doesn't have healing tears, but rather healing spit. However, there really did seem to be SOMETHING there in him crying about making all these mistakes, and his tears streaming to the back of the ship. I could've sworn some landed on the gems. Obviously, since I've only watched the episode once, and in real time, I can't be sure about that (or if any of the gems were actually cracked as Steven feared, but I doubt that). At 9:14, I was briefly afraid that, with Steven monologuing how he's made so many mistakes and why couldn't he just trust Garnet's warning and now he's lost everyone, we were going to have a future-vision fake-out and reset back to the stairs outside the beach house, 4 minutes into "Dream". I would've been fucking PISSED if that had happened (side note: I've read a number of fan theories/jokes about how the last scene of the whole series is going to be Rose asking Garnet whether she should go to some concert on the beach, and that the entire series has been Garnet's future vision of what will happen if she does. It's cute, but entirely violates what little we do know about future vision), because it would've wiped away an entire episode, taken away Steven's agency to make his own decisions, and just been a fucking hack move. I'm glad that wasn't the case. I've said in the past that realistic astrophyics was never a strong point of this show, starting from the illogical gravity in "Laser Light Cannon", but I'm STILL peeved at the stereotypical asteroid belt (and though I'm amused at the trio of Rubies--I saw the first one was Navy, didn't catch who the other two were--there's no way they should all be together). That said, I appreciated the metaphorical dropkick they delivered to faster-than-light travel ("Don't think too much about it.")

SECOND WATCH THOUGHTS: Pearl's side-eye at "Back when I still served... Homeworld." WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, WOMAN? Seriously, Connie had some plan to go with Steven, or at least to do something. It's a longshot, but I'm calling it now: we are going to hear from Connie somehow before this arc is over. Pudgy, ruby-shaped Pearl is adorable. I see the really huge setting on the Roaming Eye showed up on the slot-machine-looking display as ♦ ♦ ♦ OK, doesn't seem to be any structural issues for the gems at any point while warping. That whole segment is really trippy though. As someone with minor eye issues that occasionally lead to double vision when my eyes are out of focus, it was really disconcerting. I feel like Steven's monologue is one part addressed-to-kids "Hey, when stuff around you is going poorly, you can make some rash and desperate decisions, but please don't think the original stuff is also your fault" and one part actual plot set-up, but I can't make out what it is. Whoops on the Rubies; the first one was Doc, followed by Army and Navy. That leaves Leggy somewhere off in the distance.

[1] - one of the screencaps Youtube spoiled for me was titled "Traveling faster than the speed of light" or something like that, so, yeah I'm pretty sure we'll get to see that. [2] - via tumblr posts that didn't get immediately hidden, or the tags that remained, I know there are a bunch more gems to meet. I'm still hopeful that at least a few of the Youtube screencaps were fanart, but... we'll see.

[rieshon]

Summer 2018 Preview

I haven't been keeping up on anime news too well lately so I have almost no idea about anything that's airing next season. This might not be a very good preview.

1 Yama no Susume Third Season: Fuck yes. One of the best cute girls doing cute things series of the past decade is back and it's going to be amazing. I just hope the pattern holds and we get four cours worth.

2 Sunoharasou no Kanrininsan: Cute girl 4koma anime from Oonuma Shin? It's a masterpiece. Girls all look adorable and there's definitely something here for everyone, but holy shit Ayaneru as a lewd brown gyaru? Anime of the year right here.

3 Asobi Asobase: I read some of the manga of this when it was free on eBookJapan and let me tell you, you have no idea what you're getting into here. It's supposed to be about "cute girls playing cute games" but it's actually insane. This anime is going to be great.

4 Jashin-chan Dropkick: I've been hype for this one for a while. Cute monster girls get into shenanigans. The PV gives nothing away, but I've seen some of the original manga and it's pretty funny.

5 Chuukan Kanri Roku Tonegawa: Everyone's favorite middle manager is back! We may well never get a third season of Kaiji proper, but man, just seeing that Madhouse FKMT art style again is getting me misty-eyed. Don't know a whole lot about the manga but I'm sure it will be godlike.

6 Harukana Receive: I swear guys I only watch it for the volleyball... Another all girls sports anime, but this one looks like it's going all in on the lewd beach bods. It doesn't look it, but this is actually a Kirara anime (albeit one from Forward) so I'm definitely optimistic about it.

7 Yuragisou no Yuuna-san: If you know me you know how much I love cute ghost girls, so you should be able to guess how excited I am for this anime. I've actually read some of the manga (cause cute ghost girls) and it's a pretty good if standard lewd romantic comedy, with the added bonus of CUTE GHOST GIRL WOO WOO. She even has the head triangle which is the most important part.

8 Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro: Why do I get Hinamatsuri vibes from this? It's not just cause that one guy looks like Nitta either. I think I remember seeing the trailer for this a while back and it looks bonkers. This'll also be the first time in a long while I've heard Omigawa Chiaki in a major role... interested to see if she's improved in the intervening years.

9 Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight: It's like an idol anime but they're doing musicals instead. At least it's something different. If it's anything like all-female theater in real life it'll be gay as hell, and some of the girls look great.

10 Isekai Maou to Shoukan Shoujo no Dorei Majutsu: The title is... what it is, but this actually looks like a pretty decent shinshi anime. Character designs are lewd, animation looks great... sign me the fuck up. Finally some good fucking Blade Dance anime.

11 ISLAND: This is animated by based feel so I'll definitely still watch it, but I'm super bitter about them removing Rieshon from the leading role because the director didn't get along with her. This would have been a great Rieshon girl goddamnit. Eroge adaptations are sadly vanishing from the Earth but this is coming out of Front Wing so hopefully it'll still have that same aesthetic.

12 Hataraku Saibou: So I can't watch the trailer for this because Youtube, but holy shit it's Japanese Osmosis Jones. Definitely a concept for an anime I haven't seen before (besides, you know, Osmosis Jones) so I'm looking forward to it for the novelty if nothing else. Red blood cell looks cute!! I bet this is going to be full of all kind of blood type bullshit though, because Japan.

13 HaneBad!: Badminton club with sometimes badminton? The girl with the glasses looks super cute. Not a whole lot else to say about a sports anime, I think we all know what we're getting into here.

14 Back Street Girls: Back street's back alright! Come on guys you can't just make an idol anime and call it this. Apparently this is about yakuza idols, which sounds like it could be amazing, but I guess it's more of a goofy thing than a scathing indictment of the corruption of the idol industry.

15 High Score Girl: It's funny to think that a couple years ago this series was on the verge of death because of unlicensed use of Sega trademarks in the manga, and now it's getting an anime full of actual game footage and shit. They even lampshade this in the trailer for it. The CG looks pretty garbo, but a lot of people like the manga so hopefully it'll be amusing.

16 Ongaku Shoujo: For a second I thought this was that light novel series where famous composers are cute little girls, but nope, just another generic-ass looking idol anime. If the character designs weren't so fucking amazing I would already have checked out, but damn, these grils.

17 Planet With: I can't tell if this is supposed to be a kid's anime of if it's just meant to look like one. Regardless, a kiddy robot anime might be fun, and it's got J.C. production values.

18 Aru Zombie Shoujo no Sainan: Can't believe they're making Zombiko into an anime. This honestly looks kind of terrible but Hayamin and Chanyui is a powerful combo so I guess. Just really not digging the character designs, and it looks like one of those anime that's too dark (tonally) for its own good.

19 Satsuriku no Tenshi: Be careful not to cut yourself on all the sharp edges on this one. It's got bloody lolis, maniacally laughing men who love murder, death games... This looks like one of those "drop halfway through the first episode" shows. The loli does look real cute though! Real good blondenblu.

20 Happy Sugar Life: With a title like this you would expect the cutest anime ever, so of course it's actually some edgy bullshit with girls with butcher's knives and tasers. Why you gotta do this to me anime? Is it so wrong to just want some cute girls cuting? I just wanna see cute Za-san girl adopt a cute loli damnit.

21 Tenrou Sirius the Jaeger: It looks like they're going really hard on trying to capture the Western audience with this one (the PV even has hilariously bad English subtitles) which immediately gives me pause, but the production values do look pretty high and there's a couple pretty hot girls in it. Not expecting to actually watch this one through though.

22 Lord of Vermillion Guren no Ou: I thought the title of this sounded familiar, and I guess it's based on a card game. I really like the look of that Ao-chan girl but that's pretty much the only thing here I like the look of. WIXOSS will always have the best cute girl card game anime.

23 Hyakuren no Haou to Seiyaku no Valkyrja: Boy that is a title. While our other LN adaptation with an embarassing title this season looks pretty good, this one definitely looks like a bottom-of-the-barrel reject. When the art in your key visual doesn't even really look good, you know you're gonna have problems.

24 Shichisei no Subaru: This looks extremely generic even by generic fantasy light novel standards... Not a single thing about it stands out, other than the fact that a couple of my favorite up-and-coming seiyuu are in it. I guess I'll watch an episode, maybe it'll surprise me.

25 Phantom in the Twilight: This is based on a game from Happy Elements, the same company behind Last Period, which immediately gives me expectations that are way too high, even if it's unfair. This one's not even a comedy and looks like some kind of edgy otome game. Actually I'm not even going to watch this, I just wanted to say how fucking good Last Period was.