#the back wall is falling apart
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lmao they finally condemned the shed behind my apartment i’m losing it
#the shed has no door#the back wall is falling apart#it is full of actual rats#and theres like old house crap stuffed in there. like i am so sorry it is about time#i am so tired of living next to rat hell
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S1 flounder if it was good
#I've had the idea of “flounder with tunnels connecting the two low grounds” since all the way back in S1. I finally get to make it real#The map just feels so much less real in 3. Fuck man#Also you know how some weapons have trouble getting up the walls? Yeah don't do what S3 did and flatten the entire map bc then the map's#whole design will just completely fall apart. That's why I added some dashpads in key spots; extremely useful though a bit predictable#splatoon#splatoon 3#my art#3d art
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BONUS
#DON'T LOOK AT ME#i am not responsible for the thoughts in my brain when i see maximus in this outfit#it's like a whole extra level of wet dream inducing hotness#LOOK AT THOSE ARMS#HIS NECK#HIS ABSOLUTELY UNFLAPPABLE FACE#i am so obsessed with the fourth one when he's snarling at haken#i could write an essay on it#maybe one day when my brain is saying more than “hmmshdsdhj hahaajsksdshf SEX”#who knew that an academy-award winning scrap of sackcloth could be the sexiest costume on earth#HE'S BUILT FOR IT#yeah i spent a long time getting the perfect shot of the back of his neck#there are several throughout the movie but that one is. that one is special#IS IT HOT IN HERE OR IS IT JUST SJBDGSAFSDFKSDSKAFHJ#sorry guys#if i'm not going full nosferatu on his gorgeous neck and back what's the point of anything#i am SO HOT for this man it's ridiculous#i want him to SLAM me into that rock wall and BANG me until neither of us can breathe#AUSEFGSGFHAJSJASK I'M FALLING APART#gladiator#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe#low quality screencaps of a high quality man
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Doing this to you and then running away hehehe >:3
Bonk! Hehehe, that's such a cute gif, we should be cats together, no responsibilities for you. You'd be a ginger car. Cause you're Irish. And I'm stereotyping you.
Also! Idk how I even got this fucked up but I just woke up at one AM with the light still on and one shoe on in my bed.
I've just spent like 5minyes explaining my dream in the tags and I replaced 'where' with 'were' two times so if you're going to read the novel I wrote be wary of that. Loll this post is a mess, goodnight Charlie!! I love you!
#I'd been having the same dream over and over too#like seeing the same events#It was a stranger things dream#were like we (me and somebody I don't know but at some point it was wybie from Coraline) were tearing through a fabric wall with chainsaws#and a demogorgon- like creature ended up cut apart because of it#and the reveal of the creature being split from both sides was one thing that kept repeating#just at some points in the dream I came back to the image of it without the fabric wall#just falling after it's died#also there was another part#were at first (this one detail happened only once compared to the other times that it repeated and it wasn't on the first repeat but it's#CHRONOLOGICALLLY the first thing)#there was this sort of enigma?#and the clock showed two specific hours#the riddle thing didn't make sense but like we solved it even though I can't remember specifics#and it was to save a guy#and there was my brother at that point and some lady told him 'oh but you like this kind of roleplaying thing' and he got mad cause#like we were trying to stop some guy from being killed#and the part of the dream that repeated was this thing were like this door thing? or I guess it was just a wooden slate would push me#or somebody else on its own#like it'd press against you to push you towards the bad stuff ™#there was a moment where I put rocks in my bag? to avoid it being flung and moved the same way as the door#bc yeah it was some creature moving the stuff though we never saw it like telepathically#but it didn't really work because the creature wasn't aware of the rocks? and apparently it needed to be aware there were rocks in the bag#also at some point there was one girl in the house we were in (this was during one of the repeats of the dream's storyline)#and she was being voodoo'd around bc the creature was telepathically moving a coraline doll and it would shove her around#and that's all I can really remember#sorry I just woke up from it so it might not make sense#you don't have to read all dat#answered asks
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my survivor has been living in the post apocalypse for four in-game months now.
(apparently what i had in mind are 'whoopie pies' in everywhere but a specific series of new hampshire gas stations i've been to that call them moon pies. please dont misunderstand, lotte chocopies fuck, but what i mean is one of those MOIST OILY GOOEY whoopie pies)
#nick valentine#fallout 4#fallout#the seams of fallout 4 are starting to fall apart this many hours in. i think i've seen every location.#and now every mission is 'cross the world map 3 times back and forth#' and usually i walk everywhere in game. you can see why this is an issue#once again i'm hitting the wall of 'this game wasn't meant for you to play like an insane hitchhiking tourist'#but also it sucks that a lot of other companions dont have personal quests. i wanna get strong his milk.
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lime hearing theres gonna be an awesome meteor shower visible from the capitols outskirts and hatching a whole plan to take mochi on a stargazing date. hes over there pulling all the stops, bringing pillows and blankets and a pop-up mattress, (somewhat) forcefully getting taffy to lend him his truck, bringing snacks and picnic dinner, the whole time thinking "Hehe, the perfect date idea. She's gonna eat this shit up and fall in love with me no problem."
but then of course like a hundred other people had the same genius idea as him so the location has tons of people. including the other guild members. (he didnt tell them where he was taking mochi so they couldnt follow him. by coincidence they also went to the same place. maybe not coincidence, limes idea for a spot isnt exactly a hidden location)
#poor lime...maybe next time#he was like (this date is gonna be so nice i swear to god)#had a whole mind image of setting up a cozy bed in the back of taffys truck and cuddling with her under the stars#watching the meteor shower all romantic#plans foiled by the general public#some dude barbequeing. another playing music on a loud stereo#he wants to kill everyone there#marshal and clarinette show up like (hey guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!)#poor lime#and a disappointed mochi because she wanted to actually go on a real date with him#he went through the whole (hey so... [leans against wall] i heard theres gonna be a meteor shower on saterday...)#(i thought maybe we could go grab dinner and watch it together or something...[trying not to fall apart])#dont worry she still (subtly) sits close to and leans on him while theyre watching#snuggle under a blanket...#they get a little bit of romance time#quickly diffused by taffy asking who has the box of crackers#anyway. random ideas i have
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I think sometimes you just have to make peace with the fact that your actual hobby is collecting books. And that that's okay.
#i used to devour eight books a week up until I was about 22#i couldn't fathom leaving anything in the house unread#then it's like my brain maxed out#coincided with my cptsd manifesting in crippling depression‚ triggering my bipolar#and hitting that mid-20s adhd wall where all your coping mechanisms fall apart#it's just been getting worse ever since#i can no longer read anything but fanfic#i was able to make a great headway through alexis hall's work but then I fell into a hyperfixation again so#bye bye everything else#i couldn't read comics even when I was back to hyperfixating on comics#i can't absorb things and when I do I can't hold them in my head#i used to be able to pull out entire passages of my favourite books from memory#now I can barely remember what happened in them#sometimes i wonder whether it even mattered that i used to be such a voracious reader#sure it gave me writing skills but i was never able to do much with them because of the complete mental and physical breakdown#and people young enough to be my kids write better than I ever did#i still have the thirst and hunger for knowledge and stories#but no capacity for it at all#books#reading#just adhd things#actually adhd#burnout#book collection#knee of huss
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the way digimon does conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: chef’s kiss <3
the way sonic idw handles creating conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: *wilting flower*
#keyword: adding#in digimon conflicts come about as a result of independent viewpoint differences#ie takuya vs kouji. taichi vs yamato#or (since i just watched 02:the beginning) lui and ukkomon’s conflict is SO GOOD#it BUILDS to something. lui and ukkomon’s disagreement builds up to: they need to communicate. they both come from a good-faith angle#ukkomon so desperately wanted to make lui happy and failed to look closer to see what WOULD - and lui didn’t know how to express#what he actually wanted to ukkomon. or try to reach out to ukkomon in turn instead of basking in his life finally going ‘right’#but then not as much in idw gives me that good feeling of ‘ahhh they built to this and it is so nice’#or when conflict is created it isn’t because despite best efforts people clash and have to work together#it’s when someone does a stupid and someone else has to pick it up#it means a lot when you see kouji driven to press takuya to the wall and see them shout at each other#because they both have to realize that with words they will never convince the other of their viewpoint.#even though they both think the way the other looks at things will get the group killed#and of course it makes sense that the group would follow takuya. he’s their heart. their core#takuya’s the reason tomoki stayed in the digital world and junpei and izumi find confidence being there because he’s there rallying them#and in this case that good trait winds up being wrong. he gets everyone captured by the enemy and thinks theyre all better off if he wasn’t#part of the group from the start. but THAT isn’t true either - he just needs a BALANCE of his excellent helpful determination and willpower#and seeing things as they are and not as he believes them to be - more like kouji#he WAS wrong but not for HAVING the traits he had - for leaning too much on them#or (also going to a media im currently engaging in) sundered star. things go bad between people a LOT but it’s not frustrating.#it’s SATISFYING/ENGAGING seeing feferi leave eridan and watching eridan go insane and give in to the horrorterrors. of course it couldnt-#-go any other way for them. eridan wouldnt change until he realized he could lose feferi and feferi wouldnt bring him any real consequences#-to make him consider that until she was leaving and would never come back. and it was never her fault that leaving eridan lead to-#-catastrophe and devastation. it just happened as a consequence anyway#anyways i guess. if i see the characters do their best and things still fall apart it’s better than#seeing an idiot plot or characters written to be worse than they were to make conflict happen#with takuya he wasn’t suddenly bad or misjudging everything. he just didnt have to deal with negative consequences for misjudging before-#-because they hadnt met someone like duskmon that they COULDNT eventually beat before. even gigasmon who wrecked them all at first-#-was beaten once they had beast spirits and were on equal footing. so takuya assumes the same for duskmon without realizing that#they arent on the same level. so the issue didnt come from nowhere - it just comes to a head now
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woke up at 3 in the morning thought i’d be able to fall right back asleep after peeing… i could NOT fall right back asleep and now my upstairs neighbor(s) are stomping around and playing music (like even with my two fans on i can still hear the bass 😭) and i’m truly just like. it’s 4 in the morning on a weeknight HELLO?????
#like i’m really not trying to be like no fun allowed#but this isn’t like a big apartment it’s a little building with 3 units and the property manager lives upstairs#(i’m not sure who’s directly above me but i think it’s him)#and again ITS FOUR IN THE MORNING. ON A WEDNESDAY.#like when his nephews are visiting and running around at 10am on a saturday i can’t be mad. IM the one who’s sleeping in#but it’s the middle of the night 😭😭😭😭😭#if i had just been able to fall asleep by 3:30 i could’ve avoided this but sleep was not coming#i took a benadryl tonight too so i’m TIREDDDD i thought i’d be back asleep so quick#i want to bang on my wall about it but i would feel bad 😭#im just like so close to snapping and having a meltdown after this weekend#i just want to fucking cry#and it’s not their fault that’s a me problem but again. 4 in the morninggggggggg
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HE'S BAAAAAAACK!!!!!!
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
🤍🖤🤍
#Im vibrating at the speed of light rn#I cant believe my eyes#Ive been losing my shit for a solid hour im literally clawing the walls#Have to stop myself from screaming out loud cuz its 3 am#Gravity is the only thing stopping me from breakdancing on the ceiling#Yes im going full hysterical cuz he's BACK#OG ANTI-VENOM!EDDIE IS FUCKING BACK#Im going to explode#I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH AND HES BACK#AND DRAWN BY COELLO???!!?!?!!!! IM EATING#HES SO GODDAMN GORGEOUS I CANT#AND FLASH IS THERE!!?!? AS HIMSELF AGAIN!!?! NAKED??!??!!#THEYRE TOGHETHER?!!??!!? SMILING AT EACH OTHER???!?!?!!!#This is. Perfect. Its perfect. Hes perfect. Theyre perfect#I never would have believed this could actually happen#I had no hopes of him coming back#What is this#And whats this fucking timing#The world is falling apart and thats when my ultimate blorbo dreams come true?? The fuck is happening??#Ive spent the past few days in a state of emotional shutdown. Completely dissociating. Only just started to actually feel stuff again#And then THIS hits me outta no where??!!?#Cranking my joy from 0 to 100 in .5 seconds#The emotional whiplash has me actually reeling#Nothing feels real rn#And while joy feels almost...inappropriate at a time like this#Fuck it#Im not gonna deny myself happiness rn#Tag rant
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I've always wanted to wake up from a dream laughing and I just did but I realized after I woke up that I have missed a million social cues :((((((((((((((((( it wasn't even funny idk why I couldn't stop giggling. I dont even giggle irl.
#this also may have been a separate dream#i was in this big aquarium swimming and walking around. it was like. you could swim in a lot of the exhibit and interact with the animals#i had some sort of mission and i also found a baby seal who i picked up and was carrying around as i wandered around#eventually i ended up in this little nook that had one of the adult seals/walrusess? so i let the baby go but the adult was not into it and#i heard someone day something like “aw he still has hope”#theres this kid that works at the aquarium and i tell him to come with me for some reason. its around this time i realize this is some movie#the kids boss is like “next time you leave your post you gotta dive out”#and im worried a bit allready sbout him leavin his post with the adult walrus up there.#then suddenly the glass starts breaking everywhere. like one crack then the whole aquarium starts falling apart#and the kid seems a bit worried.#as were all evacuating i decide that its my fault. because the walrus must have been ramming the glass while the kid wasnt watching.#i remember thinking about how this was a movie or something and feeling really dumv#then yhe dream was over snd there was s recap??? in like drawing form and it showed the main character (me) putting a bomb in the center of#the aquarium in some sort of well or something. so. i guess it really was completely my fault in a different way than i thought#then later im at some sort of party or something and then i leave the party for another party or something? and i feel really bad sn#and socially innept the entire time. the person who i think i reconize we start talking and theyre like the first person whos nice to me#and were talking about following eachother on Instagram? or somth#while their scrolling i see a video eith one of my old friends and shes on the news? the headline is like “me and cathy snd the murder#victim...“ or something. and im like ”hey thats my friend“ and the person just shuts their phone off.#any ways so this person lets me hitch a ride with them back to the original party. they get out of the uber super early but its the right#house and the tell the driver that hes lost and the DRIVER gets out. so im like oh i guess this is their car??#and so they drive up to the drive way and three more people start getting in the car and theyre like putting stuff in the trunk#and talking about where to sit and i just start giggling.#and im still trying to participate like i offer to sit in the middle. theres already someone sitting at the front but he gets out and#everytime someone says anything i start giggling??? and like its sunny and everyone is very attractive in a way that o just found so funny#and then eventually two of then run over to this like panel dash board yhing that on a wall outside and like messing with it opening the#glove box and stuff and i just wake up#and immediately upon waking. well first i was like “teehee. i woke up from giggling” then i thought about it and i was like “oh. i was#take the front seat :(#dream log
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idk how to reconcile my new self with my old self. also i fucking hate waiting. GRAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#delete later#im getting a taste of my own medicine bc when im overwhelmed depressed etc i don’t even open emails or dms or whatever and then ifeel guilty#and let them build up and run away from them and literally do not reply for years. but ive been waiting for like 5 different but related#replies for 3ish days at this point and im soooooo impatient omg i want to bash my head into the wall.. and afaik no one i messaged has#opened the message despite being active online elsewhere which is EXACTLY what i do so i have no right to complain at all. but still. omggg#i just have a simple question (me and the ps5 voice) reply to my message boy#purrs#also.. ok yeah im gonna be honest about it even if there are consequences lol. idk why im on such a mission to get back all my old#characters but if i don’t i can and will go crazy. i don’t even do that kind of thing anymore and d*viantart is an irreversibly warped#landscape due in part to capitalism and in part to own mistakes and selfish actions. and i truly feel like my tumblr mutuals are the only#ones who understand me and feel safe and cozy on here. but i miss my old internet home. and i really miss my old internet friends and seeing#all the jokes we had and how we were all like interconnected w the same adopt groups and stuff and now we don’t even talk… it makes me so#sad and i feel weird messaging them just for the purpose of asking if they can give me back characters i gave them 4 years ago like a) you j#just don’t do that kind of thing i don’t think but b) it feels so transactional and would make the part of saying hey our friendship was#important to me when i was a teenager and even though we don’t talk anymore i think of you fondly and wish you well. like lollllll. and i#feel cringe even tracking them down / messaging them bc we are all jn our 20s now… embarrassing. but i am so mad at myself for letting those#friendships wither (not that i have the spoons to sustain them these days anyway but still) and for not keeping bettr track of my characters#when i sold them and for giving them up in the first place and for letting my old internet life just fall apart due to neglect bc it puts me#in a bind to try to piece it together again no matter how i try it and i shouldn’t try anyway. but i am so tempted to rn. lol#* itd make saying stuff abt appreciating friendship weird bc there’s a transaction tied in (source: i did this and feel weird and bad)#like the way i want to SCREAM seeing that dA ate all of the journals i made when i was a 14 year old and turned them into glitched polls. th#the way the wayback machine has terrible unreliable records of everything and i can never get some stuff back / track some stuff down. pain#anyways it’s stupid bc i feel cozy and listened to and as connected as i have the energy to be to all of u guys so why am i doing this. but#i miss the dA stuff too and i wish it wasn’t cringe and i wish i could have everything that’s ever been part of me all in one place. lol#also this doesn’t even take into account my poetry community on dA on my other account who i also felt so safe and cozy with and i abandoned#that too and lost touch with basically everyone even though we all knew each others deepest secrets for years.. the heartsickness of it all#anyways mutuals who knew me on deviantart i am clutching both your hands with impassioned urgency and kissing u on the cheeks. that’s all
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30 and 16 for Cyrus from the ask game
30- The funniest scene they had?
Oh man... uhh I mean a lot of the masters stuff is pretty good. Any time he's forced to play nice in that game will be amusing to me. Him meeting Adaman and Irida was very good. Also that time he had to explain what a lighthouse is to Saturn. In terms of gen 4, when Giratina Gets him on mt. Coronet. It's a cool scene but like. It makes me laugh how he just gose "interfererererere" about it.
16- A childhood headcanon
Oh man. This is a can of worms. I mean I'm a firm believer in Cyrus (re)discovering Rotom and being the one who wrote the journal entries you find in the galactic hq in platinum. I can think of no other reason he'd be remotely interested in researching them. But also I think that's just straight up canon? Just slightly ambiguous. I like to think that his first pokemon was his Crobat, and that when he left on his journey he fully intended to come back for the Rotom, but never did due to circumstance. I also think he's been depressed pretty much all his life but it only really hit him when he was a teen. He was just this deeply unhappy and lonely child in general.
Ask Game
#picks him up and smacks him against the wall repeatedly and crushes him in my hands I am so regular about this man#but yeah uh. cyrus just wasnt a happy child. apart from when he was. he was happier than he is as an adult? but mostly from ignorance#he did have his bestie the rotom back then though and had fun with it. i like to think theres video he took of it somewhere#hes very anxious about that falling into the wrong hands#ask#giratina-and-the-skys-bouquet#cyrus meows
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Mike wheeler and his epic allegory swag
#my post#allegory of the cave moment#idk how to phrase it but theres something there with mike and platos allegory of the cave#and your assumptions of the world based only on what youre told is true#heterosexuality are the shadows on the wall and will is the sun!! the real bright and heavenly sun!!#mike assumes his world is conformity and straightness and fallibg in love with the first woman sho loves him back and thinking thats it. ok#im done#BUT HES NOT DONE!!#he thinks he needs el and he desperately wants el to need him because those have been the last 3 years of his life#thats how he thinks it must be. how it will always be#but then he sees the painting and he sees will and he hears wills feelings#and the relationshop with el falls apart and he stumbles out of his cave#and into the the sun#and he can see the chickens and the fruit and the grass and the sky and hes no longer stuck in the dark or the deep#HES FREE!!
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Girl help I’m on about peipre and yarrow hopelessly pining after each other the second the other one isn’t looking
#sighs and thinks abt how peipre cares so deeply about so many people but she’s so determined to not add to their problems that she ends up#putting up walls and when she’s too exhausted from that yarrow is the one she turns to. she falls apart in her arms. and yarrow holds her#while she puts herself back together. she helps where she can. thinks about how yarrow has mostly moved on from her death but those caverns#we’re her home and. she misses it. that homesick feeling like knots in your chest for a place where you were miserable you know you were#miserable… and yet. and yet. some little part of your brain full of the wonder from when you were small. full of that hope. some little part#of you says ‘but what if it’s different this time? what if it’s better?’ and sometimes you’re so sure you’ve moved on so much and then#suddenly it’s this raw bleeding aching thing and you don’t know where to turn because ther person you want to turn to does nothing good for#you. and you hate to say it but turning to anyone else feels like settling. and sometimes yarrow just needs to ask peipre to sing her into a#haze for a few hours. because it will pass- they both know it will. but damn if it doesn’t hurt until then.#I’m thinking about them catching glimpses of each other at work and they just smile a little because it’s like ah. there you are :)#I’m thinking about peipre helping yarrow recover when she got her horns cut. singing away her pain when she could. and I’m thinking about#yarrow being able to dance. she’s so much lighter since getting them cut down and she likes dancing again. and god does peipre like watching#her dance. thinking about how peipre would love people to the point of her own destruction. and yarrow calls her ass out for it.#and how they’ve known each other so long. they know each other so well. the feeling of their hands together is etched into their memories#like the echoes of waves in a cave.#augh#lays on the floor#peipre charme#Khalia yarrow#sip of gold
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age gap autumn girl fuck you
#laid down on his bed he asks if i’m alright with him locking the door i say should i be afraid of you locking the door he rolls his eyes#i’m watching a pot on his stove we’re alone in his apartment he’s standing right behind me and i look at the glass of his kitchen window#so i can catch his reflection he’s just standing there waiting for his vegan pasta his meatless dish but i still feel like prey this#weekend i shared a hotel room with the kids they came over at night to watch a game and they’re all cuddled up around me they’re all#laughing and laughing and laughing and telling me about their exes and their boyfriends and i’m under the arm of one of them and he says#kitty kitty you’re going to fall off the bed i rest my head on another’s calf and she says kitty your hair is so soft and they’re all#laughing#i keep this in my drafts and a month after it's freezing at night i'm looking up at a man that might be fifty or at least forty five i#ask his name which i don't remember now because i was plastered. i was so drunk i tell him mister whatever-his-name was you're so handsome#and he blushes like i'm the one chasing him and that's because i am. i am laughing with all of my teeth out. he giggles pretty like i've#spent years doing and i ask him what is it sir what is it and he says i'm not usually told that and i nudge a little more i say you don't?#how? you're so handsome i say it in the way they all taught me in the way i've heard it before i keep going until he leaves for his place#but he doesn't invite me back because it's clear i've made him uncomfortable so i frown a little and lean back towards the boy i made out#with the night before i tell him huh old guy won't fuck me and he laughs he says so you really like them older i say yeah i laugh#i laugh and then i say but they don't seem to like me anymore he makes a joke about me having cut my hair short and i say no it's because#i'm too old for them now and he shakes his head do you see how fucked up that is he tells me and i just laugh harder but don't tell him it#is the truth. but not the whole of it. the rest of the truth is in me prowling through the bars another night and making eyes at them#instead of baring my neck when they come at me it's in me growing into a man in the steel of elevators and their sheets in the ac of their#offices and the heat of their cars and outgrowing them not to turn away from them but to become them that salivating beast they all are#all of us are i lean back on walls and show them a hip a boot-ed-on foot that is still small a wrist that is still thin a jaw that still#won't grow fuzz but don't they see right through they see right through this too small costume i've put on for them in the same way i#used to swear i saw through them too i swore i saw them for what they were but without even noticing they've done what they do in movies#and books and songs and middle-school health classes like in every warning that was given to me but here in this far away country i just#laugh and laugh harder when he says it makes sense though i mean i'm older than you too and he's only 24 and he says it so boyishly#almost with a pout and i cackle and he laughs too and there we are and we sound like children there in the street
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