#the back half of this season especially was. something like soooo so rushed

[butchdiaz]

the pacing/tone of this ep threw me out of WACK but i could say that for all of s7 like why did they try to do more complicated and crazier storylines than they've ever done in an eighteen episode season in TEN😭

[writingonsaturn]

Better Unsaid

a/n okay this has been all over the place!! it was originally going to be a blurb and darker and closer to smutty (so keep your eyes out for that??? lol), but then I made it softer and the concept got away from me and it got soooo much longer than expected lmao and i still dont love where it ended so maybe part 2?? i have the idea i just dont know lol 

summary: Reader is a princess and Anakin has been her guard during the most public season for the past two years (not the most logical thing but just go with it lol, it gets explained better in the fic) and after a near death experience the two are conveniently forced into a....

ONE BED TROPE ONE BED TROPE *cough cough* ONE BED TROPE WITH ONE PERSON HAVING TO WAKE UP THE OTHER BC THEYRE HAVING A NIGHTMARE,, :)))))))

  --

His smugness is the only thing about him I can consider ‘ugly’. And because I am so desperate to not have feeling for Anakin, the Jedi who has been assigned to protect me through coronation season (which lasts for most of winter), for the last two coronation seasons, I hold onto my distaste for that side of him. Which is why I suppress my laugh as he waits for my reaction with that confident smile. 

“Come on, that was funny.” 

Rolling my eyes, I let myself sit on my bed. I can’t tell if he’s actually funny or if my evening has been so boring that his sense of humor has started to become appealing to me due to comparison. In short, the suitor I was forced to spend an entire evening with lacked personality so much I’m starting to find Anakin funny.

“You’re much more entertaining than this evening’s suitor.” 

Anakin’s expression shifts slightly, his assured grin dropping slightly. “Another miss?” 

“You have no idea.” I relax slightly, taking a moment to be glad that I completed my father’s request and now I can just enjoy the time I have with Anakin. “I know my father’s desperate to make sure my marriage is useful for our people and that he worries about this selection process because he always thought my mother would be here to help, but sometimes I wish he wouldn’t rush it so much. It feels like all he wants me for is to marry me off in exchange of finance or weaponry or something diplomatic.” 

“You’re more than that.” His response is so soft I think I might have missed it if I needed it less. I curse myself for feeling so validated by him. His words shouldn’t mean anything to me. After all, he could easily just be saying that because agreeing with my father will just make me more unpleasant to be around. 

I smile politely while avoiding his eyes. I keep my hands on either side of me, fighting the urge to fidget. “Thank you, Anakin.” My words sound weak in my own ears, so I’m sure he notices my shift in mood. “I’m tired today, I think I’m going to go to bed early.” Normally, I’d be able to shrug off these kinds of things, but the beginning of Coronation Season makes me irritable. The anniversary of my mother’s death hits me harder each year. 

“Y/n.” My name comes out so velvety I can’t find it in myself to interrupt him. “You are more than someone meant to be used as some kind of royal currency, and I mean that as more than just a...friend.” 

I let his last word linger. We’ve tried so many titles that never seem to fit right. He’s the chosen one, one of the most powerful Jedi to exist, and the Jedi assigned to protect me each Coronation Season because that’s when my mother was assassinated. He’s my guard, but we’ve spent too many nights laughing together and talking about everything and anything. And I guess now he’s my friend, even though sometimes when he looks at me in a certain way or sits too close to me or reaches for my hand to guide me somewhere I can’t breathe right. 

“Anakin, you know I love when you’re here, even though sometimes you drive me insane. And I appreciate your kindness, but your words can’t change the truth. That’s how my father sees me and he’s not exactly wrong. I’m not a son, I haven’t been raised to lead an army or lead much, and--” 

“I’ve seen you in meeting after meeting, convention after convention. I’ve witnessed the way you handle real problems and I know how you care about your people. You’d make a great leader, you don’t need a husband to be valuable.” 

My chest swells, feelings I never let myself think about mixing with thoughts of Anakin that I’ve spent so long trying to avoid. “That settles it, you’re my favorite person.” 

He grins, the look warm enough to melt the odd lump in my throat. I fight down a smile as he steps forward. “And I wasn’t before?” 

“I take it back--your head’s big enough without the additional praise.” 

Rolling my eyes, I lean back slightly in order to recreate the distance he so easily destroyed. “And I thought you had finally warmed up to me, princess.” 

The use of my title makes me skeptical. The last time Anakin used it was when he was trying to ease me so that I’d walk around the palace garden so he had an excuse to do the same. It was beyond late and I was half asleep, but he had os much energy he was desperate and just needed to do one more thing. I felt bad that his schedule revolved so heavily around mine (and when he softens his eyes and says please, I’m left incapable of saying the word ‘no’) so I agreed. 

“What do you want?” 

Anakin dramatically clutches a hand over his heart. He throws his head back slightly as if he’s just taken a fatal blow. “When did you turn so cynical? I’ve been back for three days and I’m starting to believe you’re a different person now.” 

Yeah...he’s definitely getting ready to ask for something that’s more trouble than it’s worth. Then again, everything with him seems to be worth it in some capacity. Even if it’s just that one smile he gets when he’s truly content and doesn’t think anyone’s looking. 

“Mhm,” I mumble, still fighting a grin, “so you’re not going to ask me anything?” 

His lips part slightly as he exhales. I watch the way his eyes narrow at my victorious expression. “I don’t have anything to ask of you, but I do have a small request. A request so small you won’t have to do anything but say yes.”

Suspicious. Too easy. “You’re unbelievable.” 

“You just said I was your favorite person. Remember that.” 

I’m too tired for his coyness. I’d rather him make his ridiculous request now so that I can be in bed within the hour. Though I can’t pretend I don’t normally feel better after letting him drag me along on whatever ‘adventure’ he just needed to complete while also not letting me out of his sight. I used to tell him that I wouldn’t tell anyone if I wasn’t under supervision for an hour or two a day, but he dismissed the idea immediately. That’s been the cornerstone of everything. 

“What is it?” 

He sighs once, tilting his head slightly. The way his eyes soften tells me he’s already won at least half the battle. “They still haven’t caught the attempted--” Anakin pauses, something behind his eyes darkening. I know what he’s remembering. Last night, an assassin had gotten closer than they ever had. I had almost been shot in the garden, Anakin had barely pushed me to the ground in time. A fact he’s been beating himself up for since, especially considering that no one has been able to find my attempted killer yet. “They were so close to you. They were within palace limits and they disappeared like they never existed. Who’s to say they don’t work here and are waiting for the next moment you’re exposed? Who’s to say they aren’t here tonight, waiting for me to retire for the night?” 

I didn’t realize how my near death experience had been so personal to him. He, like everyone else, was beyond frantic after it happened. But my father put an end to verbal worry before it could truly begin. He said the best thing we could do was act like everything was fine as the assailant was searched for. Anakin hadn’t been particularly cheery after my father instructed the guards to focus their search on known enemies instead of prioritizing venting the staff closest to me. I comforted him as best as I could, but he didn’t feel like speaking about it and I had to worry about the suitor meeting my father wouldn’t let me cancel. 

“Anakin, you’re right next door to me.” I have to fight the urge to reach for him. “I was fine because of you, and I will be fine because of you.” 

He sighs once, his expression not easing. “And if the person is silent? The attacker could easily work in the palace, but no one wanted to direct the search inwards.” His words are more strained than I’ve ever heard them be. “I think it’d be smart for me to stay in here. I know you’ve refused having a guard stay in your room or outside your door, but...” Anakin sighs. “Your safety would be more assured.” 

Him staying in my room? The only line I’ve ever been allowed to draw, and I’m actually considering letting that go. If he seemed even slightly less sad, I wouldn’t even consider it. It’s not a good idea. I’m already too attached to him. “Anakin--” 

“I’d feel more assured.” 

Damn him. Stupid, extremely sweet Anakin who makes saying no to him impossible. I stretch my arm forward, letting my hand squeezes his forearm gently. “There’s no reason to not feel assured.” He doesn’t ease, the cloudiness behind his eyes remains stubborn. “You’re still worried.” No reaction, the haze that’s taken him isn’t letting go. “Fine--but tell no one or my father is going to take to posting guards at my door every night.” 

...I guess there are worse ways to spend a night. Which is kind of a problem since I’m trying to...enjoy Anakin less. Ugh, I even sound dumb in my head. “I promise, princess.” 

Ugh, he’s adorable. “You’re intolerable.” I stand from he foot of my bed and pull back the covers on my bed. He doesn’t reply, something dark still playing for him. I watch him move to face the door. Wait--is he doing what I think he’s doing? “No, you’re not going to stand there all night. You need sleep.” He has the audacity to give me an annoyed look. “I already didn’t want to do this so now you have to listen to my conditions.” 

He raises an eyebrow, his lips pressing together oddly. He’s trying to gauge something from my expression, perhaps he’s looking for buttons to press to get his way. I guess I look as stubborn as I feel because instead of arguing he just sits on the floor. What? I watch him cautiously, trying to figure out if this is some weird argument trick. 

“What are you doing?” 

“What you asked.”

And just like that I’ve put myself in a position that I will no doubt regret terribly the second common sense returns to me. There’s no way to deny that Anakin and I are closer than we probably should be. We’ve felt like friends first since the day we first met. I can’t think of any reason to not offer to let him sleep in my bed except those stupid budding feelings I refuse to label. 

It’s not like I actually like him. I can’t--I’m going to be married to some nobleman and he’s prohibited from ever forming attachments. I’m not even sure if we’re allowed to be friends. Having actual feelings for him would be so, so pointless. It would just lead to heartache and the ruining of the one genuine relationship I have. I’m just a tiny bit confused right now because he’s objectively really attractive and he’s always there for me. Always there to make a joke after a particularly rough meeting. Always there to offer me a supportive smile. Always there to humble me when I teeter on acting like my father. 

Anyone’s heart would flutter at that, so it doesn’t mean anything. And if it does, I need to squash any budding feelings now before I mess things up. Which is why I should keep him at arm’s length until I get it together. But is that fair to him? And what if doing that is making things worse? What if it’s just reinforcing the idea of having feelings? 

This is ridiculous. I’m going to get over this if it kills me. It’s just a bed and it’s only sleeping. I’m meant to be able to lead an entire union and I can’t sleep next to someone and act normal?” “You don’t have to sleep on the floor.” 

The second the words leave my mouth I regret it all. What’s wrong with me? Did I seriously think I’d be okay?

I hear his soft exhale, “I’ll be fine. I’ve slept in worse places than on your marble floor.” 

His voice sounds so weighted I can’t help but feel bad for not noticing that he’s still bothered. Whether he’s upset about his near miss or the fact that my father didn’t take his advice, I don’t know. But something’s wrong. The easy thing to do would be to just let him sleep it off. The smart thing to do would be to leave him alone until tomorrow. 

I think of all the times that I’ve been upset and Anakin had refused to let me go to sleep angry or sad or overwhelmed. “I know, but it’s really not a big deal. It’s not like we don’t know each other. I mean, last Coronation Season you buttoned me into more gowns than my handmaid. And I owe you for saving me from one of the worst suitors I’ve ever had.” 

“I’m starting to think we need to develop some kind of signal.” 

The tiny bit of lightness that’s returned to his voice makes all of my internal struggle feel worth it. “You always seem to know.” 

“That’s because when you’re reaching your limit, that one line appears between your eyebrows.”

I didn’t realize I had such a tell. I try to remember the way that the suitor drawled on and on about how amazing he was and how he couldn’t wait for the day he had a bride to bear his children and plan (tedious) social events. My hand moves to my forehead, trying to feel the crease Anakin mentioned. Can everyone tell when I’m growing tired? Am I that transparent? 

Anakin’s slight laugh steals my attention. He’s facing me again, his elbow holding his head up on the foot of my bed. “What are you doing?” 

“I don’t--I don’t think i get a crease between my eyebrows when I’m irritated.” 

I hear him stand. I don’t realize he’s approaching me until he’s so close I could touch him without even needing. to stretch. “No, when you’re irritated you raise your eyebrows slightly, because that’s when you’re at your most sarcastic.” 

“Really?” 

The corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “Just like that.” I force myself to keep my expression blank. “When you’re reaching your limit, your eyebrows crease here.” His finger taps the space between my brows so gently I almost don’t realize what he’s doing. “And when you’re trying not to laugh--which is often, because you refuse to admit that I’m funny--you press your lips together in a way that forms a dimple here.” The knuckle of his pointer finger brushes against the bottom of my cheek. 

I bite my tongue to fight the warmth spreading across my face. “I didn’t realize i was so transparent.”

“I can’t always tell what you’re thinking.” 

“I’ll take it.” Maybe if I was less tired, I’d argue a little more. “You know you’re not that difficult to read either.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, I can tell when you’re just being stubborn for the sake of it. I can see it in your eyes and you’re doing it right now.” 

His expression harshens slightly before softening. “Y/n--” 

“I’m not wrong.” 

He sighs once, stepping back. I watch him pace around my bed before taking a seat on the edge of my other side of the bed. “Are you happy now?” 

“Happy that I won? Absolutely.” 

Anakin halfheartedly glares at me. “Careful, add a crown and a robe that trails down a throne and I’d feel like I was speaking to your father.” 

“Careful, another side comment like that and I’ll ‘accidentally’ kick you off the bed in the middle of the night.” 

“Not if I kick you off the bed first.” 

I trace a thoughtless pattern on the fabric of my bedsheets. “What are you? Twelve?” 

“I’m older than you.” 

“Barely.” I continue the thoughtless pattern tracing as I fight the sleep from my eyes. “Your comebacks are usually more creative than that.” 

He exhales, relaxing slightly as he rests his back against a pillow. “I’m tired, like you claimed to be.” His eyes flutter slightly, a bit of his exhaustion showing. “Go to sleep.” 

I should. I’m too old to think I can put off a tomorrow I don’t want by just staying up. This is stupid. I’m too old to think I can put off the anniversary of my mother’s death by going to bed. She had been taken from us on castle grounds, killed by a revolutionist who viewed my mother as a class traitor. I still remember the way she slumped to the ground, her blood staining the snow beneath her. I remember the way the guards were so busy chasing her killer no one thought to keep me away from the body. 

“Y/n?” 

I scratch the back of my arm in hopes of banishing my thoughts. “Yes?” 

“You’re being quiet.” 

“You said to go to sleep, that tends to be a quiet thing.” 

I can feel his eyes on me. “Since when do you listen to me?” Not trusting myself to actually reply, I only offer him a hum of acknowledgement. “I know you’re not half asleep.” 

Folding my hands on my lap, I avoid his gaze. “It’s tomorrow.” 

I don’t know why I trust him to understand my vague response, but I do. His silence stretches over us like a thin blanket on a cold night. Maybe he doesn’t understand what I’m implying. I can always correct him tomorrow, when my eyelids are no longer as heavy as my heart. The more seconds that pass in total silence, the more I think that maybe he’s fallen asleep. 

I wouldn’t be surprised, Anakin has seemed tired recently, like some additional weight he won’t share with anyone has been thrust onto his shoulders. A small part of me rolls in guilt. I need to be a better friend, just because I’m suddenly a little too aware of him doesn’t mean I can shrug him off and ignore him. 

My hand almost flinches away from the feeling of something surprisingly warm touching my pinky. When I realize that it’s just Anakin and that the contact was probably accidental, I force myself to ease. It’s not like we’ve never touched before, I don’t understand why I’m making it weird. Sitting in my bed in the dark doesn’t change anything. His hand turns slightly, pressing into mine a little more assuredly. Biting my tongue, I turn my hand slightly, exposing my palm. And just like that, our fingers intertwine. 

“She would have been proud of you.” His voice comes out so low I barely register the words. 

The words shouldn’t mean much to me--he never knew my mother and has no way to know what she wanted me to be.--and yet I find comfort in them. I smile, turning my head towards him. “You didn’t even know her.” 

He rolls his eyes slightly, relaxing further before squeezing my hand once. “Who wouldn’t be proud of you? You’re kind and smart and decent to be around when you’re not telling me what to do.” 

My heart swells in my chest so much I’m surprised it doesn’t burst. Could he be cuter? “Yeah...now I’m sure you’re my favorite person.” 

“Now you’re sure?” 

The smugness in his voice has me rolling my eyes. “Don’t make me regret saying that.” 

“Maybe in the morning,” he says easily, “now go to sleep. There’s nothing worse than escorting you from meeting to meeting while you’re tired.” 

“I’m not that bad.” Even in this darkness, I can make out the way he raises an eyebrow. “Shut up--I’m going to sleep, but not because of you.” 

He lets out a slight huff. “You’re impossible.” 

The desire to respond to his comment is not enough for me to win the fight against the weight of my eyelids. The moment my eyes shut, I feel powerless to anything that isn’t sleep. I let myself fall into a weightless sleep, my only tether being the Anakin’s fingers around mine. 

--

A distant noise yanks me from my sleep. I’m too drowsy to do anything but register the sound. I hear another similar...whine? cry? I can’t tell and I’m too asleep to figure it out. I almost fall asleep again, but a third distressed sound keeps me from it. I wipe my eyes lazily with the back of my hand as I try to sit up. 

Squinting, I make out a figure on my bed. It takes me a moment to remember Anakin and how I fell asleep. Our hands are still together and no light is peering through my window so it can’t be that long since I fell asleep. Another disgruntled sound carries itself throughout the room. I shift slightly, leaning over Anakin cautiously. 

Golden brown curls are beginning to stick to his forehead and his eyebrows are drawn together sharply. He’s having a nightmare.  I shift even further forward before cautiously placing a hand on his shoulder before squeezing him gently. 

“Anakin,” I whisper, “it’s not--it’s not real.” His eyebrows draw together even more harshly. I shake him a little more stubbornly. “Anakin, wake up--you’re having a ni--”

 My forearm is grabbed so suddenly I barely register it before I feel my back shoved into my mattress. I blink twice. His dark eyes are frantic and the look on his face is far from the gentle, easygoing expression I’m used to. He’s breathing deeply, his chest rising and falling from above me. I swallow a slight panic and something I don’t understand as I try to keep my eyes on his face and my thoughts away from how close he is. Anakin pries his fingers from my forearm one by one until only his palm is touching me. 

“Y/n, I--” 

“It’s okay.” Honestly, I’m more worried about his uneven breathing than the way he grabbed me. I can’t imagine everything he’s been through or how justified his nightmares are. Anakin moves his hand away from me. I don’t sit up until he’s off of me and sitting with his back against my headboard. “It’s okay--I just--you were having a nightmare and I thought I should wake you.” He doesn’t react. I turn my body further, keeping my back straight. Anakin doesn’t move, and the longer he stays still, the more I feel like I should say something else. “Do you want talk about it? Or do--do you want to talk about something else? Or go to sleep? Or get some water? Or--” The far off look behind his eyes silences me. I scoot forward slightly. “You’re okay, Anakin, I promise.” 

His head turns at that, his eyes searching mine for something I don’t understand. “I thought...” He cuts himself off by swallowing once. 

I shift a little more, trying to find anything normal in his expression. “Thought what?” 

Anakin’s hand is on my arm so quickly I don’t even register his movement. I let his fingers press into my skin. He’s holding onto me like I’m a figment of a dream and he’s beginning to wake up. “I thought I’d failed.” He exhales, the sound heavy. “Failed you and that you’d--I  thought I had lost you.” 

A lump rises in my throat, thick and unmoving. Cautiously, I place my hand over the one still gripping my shoulder like a lifeline. “You didn’t. Nothing happened, it was just a dream.” 

His gaze falls to the ground before he repeats the last of my words. “Just a dream.” There’s a hollowness to his voice I don’t understand. 

I exhale, carefully running my thumb over his knuckles. “Yes.” He doesn’t say anything but his expression hardens again. I let us sit there like that for a long minute. “I promise.” 

“You can’t promise things like that.”

I sigh, unsure of where to go from here. “Bad dreams are only bad dreams.” He doesn’t reply. “I think you should try to get some more sleep.” 

Anakin is unresponsive. I shift back, but before I can transition from almost being on top of him to just sitting next to him, he pulls on my arm to keep in place. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you.” 

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.” 

“You almost died today, y/n. I was right there and if I had been a second later--” 

“But you weren’t.” He doesn’t ease. “You were there and I was fine. Don’t torment yourself over what could have been. You’ll drive yourself crazy.” 

“If anything ever happened to y--” 

“It’s not going to,” I whisper, ignoring the way his hold on my arm tightens even further, “Especially this time a year when I have a pretty good gau--” 

He tilts his head slightly, eyebrows drawing together and a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Pretty good? Really?” 

“Someone needs to watch your ego, chosen one.” This time when he tries for a smile, the look has some strength behind it. Relief pools in my stomach. “Now get some sleep, tomorrow’s a busy day and when you’re sleepy you’re beyond irritable.”  

Anakin lets me pull away enough to lay down, but he doesn’t follow. Not for a long second. When he does, his movements are impossibly rigid. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as carefully as I can manage. 

“Y/n?” 

I regret turning my head immediately. I didn’t realize how close he was. It would take no effort from me to make our lips meet. Wait--why am I thinking of that? I’m not allowed to think of stuff like that...especially not about him. 

“Yes?”

He lets out a breath before moving his hand. I don’t understand his hesitation until I feel his hand cupping my cheek gently. “What if next time I’m not enough? What if next time I lose you because I’m not strong enough?” 

I never thought my death would be such a personal thing to him. Sure, I knew that we had some kind of bond, some kind of friendship, and that my death would bring sadness. But I never imagined I’d matter enough to him that thoughts of my death would be frightening enough to slip into his subconscious and become a thing of nightmares. 

“You are enough. Nothing is going to happen to me and if it does it’s not going to be because of you.” Anakin’s lips press together in a way that implies serious uncertainty. His thumb brushes across my cheek so unexpectedly I almost ask him what he’s doing. The intensity behind his eyes is enough to burn me. “Was your dream really that bad?” 

He lets out an uncertain breath as his eyebrows draw together. I don’t miss the way his jaw clenches. “It’s more than the dream. I...y/n, princess,” he tacts on, a hint of humor returning to him, “you’re more than a mission to me.” 

The admission is so soft I can’t help but smile. “I know, Anakin, we’re--” 

“You’re more than a friend to me.” I don’t know if my blood freezes in my veins or if my lungs don’t contract when they should or if my heart literally skips a beat, but I know something in me completely stops at his words. “I--” 

“Don’t say it.” I don’t know how I managed to cut him off so sharply and I’m a little disappointed when I do, but it’s the right thing to do. Thought of the code that’s so important to him have clouded half the immense shock and joy swelling in my chest. “What you’re trying to say...I um, I want to say the same.” I try to drop my gaze but he tilts my head up slightly with his hand. “But we shouldn’t, you know that.” 

"You want to us to pretend that nothing’s different? You want me to escort you from meetings with one suitor to the next every Coronation Season until you’re married off?” 

“No, I’m not saying that. The point is that I’m not saying anything.” His eyebrows draw together in uncertainty. “Isn’t it enough for now, for both of us to just know? If we say it...that could mean bad things for you. And I don’t want to be a bad thing for you.” 

“You could never be.”

It’d be so easy to believe him. To believe him and to let him say what I never imagined I’d be able to hear and damn the consequences of tomorrow. “Can we just refrain from verbally saying anything until you’re sure?” 

“I’m sure right now. I’ve been sure since the first time we ever walked in the garden together. The night after the first Coronation Ball I escorted you to.” 

I remember that night well. The way he hadn’t scolded me for needing air or taking off my uncomfortably high heels to walk in the grass. “If you mean it, you won’t say it yet. I refuse to get in the way of what you’re meant for.”

His thumb runs my cheek entirely, stopping at the corner of my mouth. “Are you capable of not disagreeing with me?” 

Rolling my eyes slightly, I place my hand over his. “Probably not.” 

Anakin exhales, his playful irritation clear in the sound. “You’re impossible when you’re tired.” 

“I am not tired.” 

“I can see the sleep in your eyes.” 

“I can see it in yours too.” 

He pauses, eyebrows drawn together cautiously. “I’ll go to sleep if you do.”

He must be more tired than I thought if he’s compromising with me so quickly. “Deal.” 

Neither of us close our eyes for a long second, we just watch each other with wide eyes. It still doesn’t feel like he’s eased, but he’s come back to me so much more than he was earlier. I’ll make sure to check how he’s feeling in the morning. The first morning after we’ve...I don’t know. 

I’m trying really hard not to get excited because anything that’s been not said could be taken back so easily. That’s the point--but it’s hard not to let my heart get ahead of my rationality. I’ll just take the good for what it is for now and tomorrow we can figure out the rest. Even though he’s not allowed to form attachments and my father really wants to marry me off to foreign royalty.

Tomorrow. This can begin to be solved tomorrow. My eyes shut and I let myself roll fully onto my back. The second I’m comfortably settled, I feel Anakin shift against the bed. I’m too tired to open my eyes until I feel a weight placed against my chest. 

I open my eyes on instinct, less surprised than I should be when I see Anakin’s head resting against my chest. Before I can speak, I feel his arm rest against my side. “Anakin,” I breathe, my hand moving to smooth his hair out of his face the way I’ve wanted to for so long. “What did we just talk about?” 

“You said not to say anything,” he mumbles comfortably, “I’m not saying anything.” ...It is kind of the ideal compromise. Especially since I’m too tired to find reason and he feels so warm. “I can feel you overthinking. Go back to smoothing my hair before I have to rise and stand at your door so that your handmaid comes to wake you. Something tells me she’d be glad for the excuse to get rid of me.” 

That might be the most dramatic thing I’ve ever heard him say. Selma is the most patient woman in the palace. “Selma would never report anything involving me, I can’t believe you don’t like her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”  

“She’s the one that doesn’t like me,” he says, “she always watches me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m planning on stealing you away.” 

Too tired to fight my smile, I go back to smoothing his hair out with my fingers. After a moment, he lets out an exhale that relaxes his entire body. “Goodnight, princess.” 

“Goodnight.” The word is barely a mumble as I feel sleep tug against me for the second time tonight. 

It’s strange, but my excitement doesn’t diminish my tiredness, it just makes the prospect of rest feel so much fuller. Safer. Because there’s so much to sort out and grieve but it’s okay, because we have the time and everything feels okay because Anakin is here, right beneath my fingertips. 

[dougiewonderland]

Confessions (Nolan Patrick)

Warnings: fem!reader -- I usually try and keep the things I write as neutral as possible, but I have this image of an older male reporter asking about a "lovely lady" so I figured I'd stick with it since it was in my head. Sorry if you're masc or nb!

~~~

You watched from home as post-game interviews started after Philly won 5-1, your best friend Nolan being responsible for two of those goals. Nolan was the third interview aired, and you could see the pride and happiness in his eyes and body language. He might not be one to smile a lot, but you can read his emotions from other queues he gives off. And you're proud of him--he did a wonderful job on the ice tonight, and you were excited to spend the night eating takeout and watching your favourite show with him as was your post-game tradition.

You were filling out your online takeout order when his interview came on, and as you rushed to finish your order so you could pay attention to Nolan on your TV, you almost missed one of the questions a reporter asked him which took him by absolute surprise. Most questions were about how he played or how he felt when he scored, not about you.

"So we noticed you with a lovely lady on Carter Hart's Instagram story yesterday. Is there a chance the fans will get to meet this new girlfriend of yours soon?" a reporter asked. You knew they meant you. You had gone to a small barbecue Nolan hosted yesterday to commemorate the start of the season and the end of the warm weather, and you knew what story the reporter was referencing. It was you, Nolan, TK, and Carter standing and joking around. You can't say you weren't hopeful--to the untrained eye the look Nolan is giving you looks like one of love and adoration. But you knew better--it's just the look he gives to you, one of his best friends.

Nolan just looks at the reporter like they have 3 heads, before snapping out of it and clearing the air, "That's Y/N, fans have seen her before. She's just one of my best friends and a close friend of the team." As he backs away from the mic to give Claude the chance to step in, the reporter insists there's more.

"But the way you're looking at her, it's easy to assume there's something else." Nolan looks at Claude who just took his spot at the mic, Claude thankfully stepping in and saying that Nolan explained your relationship and that's all there is to it.

Nolan mouths a thank you to him before heading off to the locker room to change and head to your place. He knows you were watching the interviews. He knows you're going to bring it up because you're not one to shy away from awkward situations like this. He just hopes he doesn't blow his cover and crack the lid open on just how much he does have feelings for you.

You frown a little hearing his response. You had hoped, just a little, that maybe you were right and that he was actually looking at you with the same kind of feelings you had for him. But you knew from the beginning of your feelings for him growing that you weren't his type and that he would forever be just a friend, just your best friend. And you were okay with that, he was an amazing best friend and it wasn't something you were willing to give up for the sake of your feelings.

---

You heard Nolan's special knock on your door just as you're getting plates out for your takeout that had arrived a few minutes earlier. You open the door for him, a smile on your face as you see him standing there with a few drinks and snacks from the convenience store three doors down.

"You know you can just come in. I leave the door unlocked for you," you say as he heads in and places everything down on the coffee table.

"But then you wouldn't know if it was me or a stranger breaking in," he comments back when heading over to you and the takeout in the kitchen, half-serious and half-joking. You nudge him with your elbow before grabbing your food and heading for your couch, Nolan close behind.

"Congrats on the win tonight, you did amazing," you beam at him before digging into your food.

"Thanks. Let's just hope this luck continues all season," he replies between bites.

"It's not just luck, it's also skill. Which you have a lot of. You'll do great."

"You're too sweet. I could be the worst player in the league and you'd still tell me I'm the best," he jokes at you, a soft smile gracing his features from just enjoying being around you.

"You know that's not true. I'd still say you're good, but not the best. That honour goes to TK no matter how good or bad you are," you retort, prompting a shallow glare from the man next to you. He knows you're saying it as a joke to irritate him, but with how much you've been using TK as your way of teasing him, he can't help but think you might have a thing for his friend.

"He likes you too, you know," Nolan mutters, not realizing he said it aloud.

"Who? TK? And why did you say 'too?'" you ask, confused by the entire statement.

"Yeah, Teeks. He's liked you for a while but wouldn't say anything because of how close we are."

"Oh... well that's...unfortunate..." you trail off. TK is the only one in the team circle who knows you like Nolan, and that's only thanks to your tired inebriated self spilling it one night during a post-win celebration with the team. You didn't even remember saying it, but TK coming up to you the next time he saw you and teasing you with 'Soooo, Patty huh?' while nudging you incessantly with his elbow let you know you slipped up hard.

"Why is it unfortunate?" Nolan asks, snapping you out of thought.

"Because I don't like him back that way. And he knows who I like. I feel terrible now," you confess with an exasperated sigh.

"He'll get over it, he said it was just a small crush. But wait--you don't like him? Then why-" Nolan stops, not wanting you to know how much your teasing got to him.

"Why what?"

"Why do you always use him to compare me to?"

"Because he's your best friend and the person you're closest to in the league. If you were closer to Claude or Hartsy I'd use them, but you and TK are joined at the hip so I use him. It hammers in the tease better when you use someone close to the person.

"But you know I don't mean it, right? Yeah, he's a great player, but so are you. You're my favourite player, always have been always will be. I don't actually think he's better than you. You're both amazing and have your strengths on and off the ice," you continue when you notice the look of hurt in his eyes. Thankfully, your reassurance helps ease him a bit, but you can still see something there, something you can't quite read.

"I know, I know. I know you're joking when you say it, I guess you just used him so much recently that I jumped to the conclusion that you liked him. And to be honest, I was a little insulted that you didn't tell your best friend--me--you liked him. And now I'm insulted you haven't told me who you like and even TK knows," Nolan jokes.

You turn away from Nolan with a blush on your cheeks, hoping he doesn't notice. "It's not that easy. It only came out when I was drinking with you guys last season, otherwise no one would know," you say, trying to put as much authority in your voice as you can despite how flustered you feel.

---

As the night goes on and you finish your food, you and Nolan progressively get closer on the couch and start cuddling, as is normal. But you can't focus on the show as you notice how rigid and uncomfortable Nolan feels, like he doesn't want you laying on his shoulder. You move away to give him space, causing him to pause the show.

"Is everything ok?" he asks, a concerned look on his face.

"What's going on? Do you not want me to lay on you? I can move back to my spot if you don't want me near you," you say defeatedly.

Nolan pulls you back to him and wraps his arm around you, rubbing your arm lightly. "That's not it at all. I'm sorry, it's just... the interview today got to me a little bit and you haven't said anything about it. Normally when something awkward like that happens, you make a joke about it and we move on but you haven't said anything and...I'm sorry it's stupid I shouldn't be so nervous," Nolan carries on.

"I didn't say anything because you kind of said all there was to say during the interview, plus the conversation about TK made it kind of awkward to say anything about it or joke about it anyway," you answer him, looking down at your lap to avoid looking at him. He made it clear you're just a friend and you don't want to have this conversation. You already avoided it once today, you're hoping you can avoid it again.

"Awkward how?" Nolan asks, looking at you intensely.

"A reporter shipped you with me and you shipped me with TK. It's just been an awkward situation altogether. How did you feel getting asked that?"

"It was definitely surprising, especially because you're on my Instagram already."

"You know, my friend from work made a comment about how you're looking at me in Hart's story, too. I laughed it off because she's always been shipping us. It's how you've always looked at me," you say, either hoping for him to change the subject because he's uncomfortable or for him to say what you've wanted him to say for almost two years now.

Nolan just looks at his lap, an extra dusting of red appearing on his cheeks and neck. After sitting there in silence for what feels like hours, he manages to speak barely above a mumble. "You know, I'm glad Claude was at the mic and answered that second comment for me. If I was there, I would've frozen like a deer in headlights and would've given way too much away."

"What do you mean 'give too much away...?'" you ask cautiously.

"I... your friend and the reporter, they're not entirely wrong." Nolan confesses. Your eyes snap up to look at him. He notices and immediately starts backpedaling. "I mean-- no wait-- that's not-- fuck."

"No, what do you mean?" you press. 'Well at least this will answer all your questions fair and square,' you think to yourself, knowing you were already in deep.

"I... what do you think I mean," Nolan mutters, thinking he just messed everything up.

"I'm not sure what I think you mean, but I know what I'm hoping you mean," you confess, causing Nolan to look up at you curiously. "I'm hoping you mean the same thing as why I couldn't just tell you, my best friend I tell everything to, who I like."

A light enters Nolan's eyes for the first time since this conversation started and he leans in closer to you. All he can muster is a small "I-" as he alternates his look between your eyes and your lips.

You were never one to be as bold as you were about to be. But you two were here, and there was no turning back, and he was leaning in, and he was looking at your lips, and you just couldn't hold back anymore. So you filled in the remaining space between your lips and kissed him with all the passion of your feelings for him over the last two years.

You didn't expect him to reciprocate. Or to take your face in his hands and pull you closer. But he did, and at this point in time everything felt perfect.

[iwachans-beefyarms]

i know this is kinda really detailed and specific idea for a scenario so i hope that this is okay! it turns out tsuki is only really good at english because he kept his english penpal from primary school and they talk everyday and ft and she surprises him by turning up before the shiratorizawa match!! just some fluffy platonic feels please maybe she goes out with the team for dinner afterwards too? 💕💕💖

Omg, I really love this scenario! I’ve had my fair share of penpals so I was really excited to write this (: I remember having an Italian penpal 2 years ago and interacting with her inspired me to learn Italian on my own because she would often give me amazing Italian book recommendations hehe (I might have gone a bit overboard when writing about Tsukki training for the match lmao)

BTW for those interested, the quote from the beginning is from Donna Tartt’s ‘The Secret History’! It’s one of my favourite books of all time and it’s what made me start learning Latin, highly recommend it to all of you! Also, I love writing about platonic friendships soooo much so if any of you would like to request similar things in the future, please do!

Note*** Reader will be speaking to the team in Japanese, which will be indicated by bolded words

Okay, I’ll stop talking now, enjoy!

“I had said goodbye to her once before, but it took everything I had to say goodbye to her then, again, for the last time, like poor Orpheus turning for a last backwards glance at the ghost of his only love and in the same heartbeat losing her forever: hinc iliac lacrimae, hence those tears.”

Tsukishima sighed and put the book down. Pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, he leaned back and closed his eyes. It was a bittersweet feeling he often experienced when nearing the end of a compelling novel. This particular one, especially, had had him completely enamored. He almost felt wistful when he realised he was almost done with it.

He opened the book back up and carefully highlighted the phrase “Orpheus turning for a last backward glance”, making a mental note to look up the reference. It sounded like a literary allusion to a Greek myth of some sort, but he had to check to be sure. He glanced at his phone and opened his e-mail to type a quick message to you.

“I am almost done with this book… Honestly, what a ride! I can’t even bring myself to finish it because of how attached I am. I learnt so many new phrases and literary allusions too! I’m seriously considering reading all the pieces of work the author had referenced throughout the novel haha. But, it’s gonna have to wait until after my volleyball season ends because we have finals coming up soon… Anyway, talk to you later! BTW, how did you enjoy the poetry collection I sent you?”

He signed off as he usually did, packed his things up and left for after-school volleyball practice. He couldn’t help but feel that today was a particularly lovely day. When Yamaguchi approached him and draped his arm around his shoulder, he welcomed his friend’s affectionate gesture with a genuine smile of his own.

“Wow, that’s a big smile! Did something good happen?” Yamaguchi questioned curiously. He glanced down at Tsukkishima’s hands and noticed the book he was holding.

“Ah! Y/n’s book huh? Is it any good?” He asked, excitedly grabbing it from his friend and flipping through the pages. His eager expression morphed into one of complete confusion as he squinted his eyes at the flurry of words before him. “How do you even read this? It’s so hard…” He blurted out.

“Tsk, you just don’t have enough practice, dumbass,” Tsukkishima retorted jokingly. It was true, though, what he said. His regular emails to and from you since his primary school days had greatly improved his English linguistic skills. Even more so, it had made him more knowledgeable in the art of writing and analysis. Everytime he got a comment on his essays about his exceptional way with words, he would silently thank your influence in his head. It was quite ironic that Tsukishima, someone who found it immensely difficult to forge meaningful relationships with those around him, would have shared such a close friendship with a girl living on the other side of the world, but such was life.

As the highly anticipated match against Shiratorizawa loomed closer, Tsukishima’s mind drifted from you and the book he had yet to finish. His heart, soul and entire being was devoted to his team. While he greatly appreciated the daily messages of encouragement you graced him with every morning, he simply did not have the time to respond properly. For now, all that mattered was volleyball.

He trained everyday, much like his teammates. Where once he would have scoffed at the level of fervor he demonstrated in his journey towards becoming the best player he could be, he now relished in the passion that flooded him everytime he held the ball between his hands, or when he jumped in tandem with his teammates to form a block. He would be prepared for Shiratorizawa, for Ushijima Wakatoshi, and for whatever force that dared to reckon with him.

That was what he told himself before the match, repeating it in his heart like a mantra, with the hopes that the belief would materialise in the court. And, that was exactly what his teammates and he did. They won. They actually won. Tsukishima never viewed himself as a sadistic person, but dear God, the look of defeat in the faces of his opponents sent him to a high he had never experienced before. It wasn’t that he was glad they lost; they were decently nice people. It was that they had won; a game that, by all expectations, should have been lost. He was euphoric. In that moment, amidst the chaos surrounding him and the cheers resounding through the stadium, he felt an immense wave of love rush over him. Love for his sport, his opponents, and most importantly, his team; his family outside of his family.

After the match, as the team made their way out of the locker rooms, he let himself bask in the triumph of their victory as his friends cheered boisterously. Suddenly, he caught the eyes of a very familiar face approaching him with a slight jog. His eyes widened. Impossible.

“Tsukki!” You wrapped your arms around his neck. He didn’t hesitate to engulf you in a hug of equal intensity. It was either the excitement of winning, or the shock from seeing you in front of him that made him so easily reciprocate your affection, but at that moment he didn’t care.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, incredulously, ignoring the gawking stares of his team. “My parents wanted to go to Japan for the holidays, and of course I had to come see you at your big match! You were amazing! I mean, Amazing, with a capital A!” you rambled off excitedly. Tsukishima almost let you continue your enthusiastic rant but he was interrupted by Daichi’s hesitant tap to his back. He cleared his throat and announced, “Everyone, this is Y/n, my good friend from Y/c.”

“Hello everyone! It is so wonderful to meet all of you! Tsukki has said so much about you that I feel like I know all of you already,” you addressed them, bowing slightly. Your nervous blush made Tsukki smile softly to himself. Immediately, you were attacked with questions.

“How does Tsukishima know such a pretty girl?”

“Where are you from? Are you here on holiday? How do you know Japanese?”

“Do you play volleyball?”

You did your absolute best to answer all their questions, and in the process, gave the team a brief summary of your friendship with Tsukishima. Yamaguchi, in particular, was wonderfully excited to make your acquaintance. Eventually, the boys and their managers invited you to have dinner with them. You graciously took their offer and left the stadium with them.

The evening was filled with laughter and jubilation. Everybody was still riding the high from their win, and spent dinner reminiscing moments during the match, and of course, talking about Tsukishima and his pretty friend. Stories about his childhood self, his emo-phase and, for a brief tw months, k-pop phase, were shared by Yamaguchi and yourself. Usually, Tsukishima would have been incredibly annoyed at being the object of a joke, but tonight, he settled for a half-hearted shove to Yamaguchi’s shoulder and a teasing comment. “At least I pulled it off… Not like your cosplay phase, remember?” Cue another round of hearty laughter.

As he watched you and his team bond, he sat back and gently rubbed his chest. His heart felt so full at the moment, and although he knew it wouldn’t last, he cherished the feeling and took a mental picture of the scene in front of him. He leaned towards your ear and whispered, “Thank you so much for coming, it meant a lot.” You squeeze his arm gently and replied, “That’s what friends are for, Tsukki!”

[adecila]

Game of Thrones – A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms - 8x02 episode analysis (kind of)

…or the episode we should have gotten last week.

And we’re back! I am not here to shit on last week’s episode I actually enjoyed it very much, if you just take it for what it was, but! I cannot help but remark how much better episode 2 has been to us… the writing was very very good and rich, and in character, and it finally feels like GoT and… I honestly don’t know what happened in episode 1. But moving on…

As you can already tell, this is going to my personal summary, thoughts and analysis of episode 02 of season 8. Going to put it all under a cut – spoilers, you have been warned.

Are you an Oathkeeper or on Oathbreaker? Or the Jaime Fucking Lannister Fest

Listen I am not calling this a trial, because it is not. Yes I know they call it a trial in the BTS and Inside the episode.

Dany’s speech about Jaime’s deeds against House Targaryen is very good. As I have mentioned in my preview analysis, this is the first time (third time is a charm ha) that Jaime and Dany speak to one another. She doesn’t know this man. This man tried to kill her and he killed her father.

I got right half of the stuff at least, for what it’s worth. Tyrion looks soooo sooo bad. LIKE YOU KNEW YOUR SISTER? Oh the glare!!! If looks could kill, Tyrion would be dust. LiStEn, Tyrion, honey. Sit down. Jeez, read the room, you are not making it better. Dany is right - why should she trust this man? And Sansa is right there with her… until Brienne speaks. 

Gwen called Brienne’s speech something “almost like a declaration of love” and I think that is so beautiful it hurts. Not a Braime fan, but hey you got fed fam, I am happy for you! I already mentioned in my live blogging that it was either incoherent or just plain retcon to forget that Sansa sent Brienne to KL because she thought Brienne would kill her if it meant a showdown with Arya. But I digress. 

I find it very interesting how Jaime didn’t apologise and his cojones to say so because “we were at war” - and I get it, my dude, Ser Hot Stuff, we all know all is fair in love and war, but I guess it would be ooc for him to apologise. Great delivery, I don’t particularly like NCW but this scene? Top notch. I rate it one doggy style fuck out of one, but so good your legs are wobbly and you can barely find the energy to plop on your bed afterwards. 

The things we do for love… and Bran is back with the fucking shit stirring drama. We stan Bran Starkashian. 

I find it interesting since this is also Dany’s chance to show how she rules - Lady Sansa says her opinion, which surprises Dany. Then she turns to Jon, who the entire time has been very very quiet. Like the kind of quiet you are when you have the biggest hangover and you are stuck in class and you just want it to be over with. So Jon says what he could say to get the fuck out of there. “We need every man we can get.” So Jaime is given his sword back after Grey Worm literally gives him the I AM WATCHING YOU BITCH glare. 

But Jon’s chair is not facing forward, it is slightly oriented towards Dany’s. Notice how he doesn’t look at her, even when she addresses him directly. She gets up and everyone does so afterwards FINALLY SOME FUCKING RESPECT and she turns to Jon… and he doesn’t even look at her… and my baby looks heartbroken because he just ignores her *coughs* As soon as the meeting ended, he rushed out, not giving her a chance to say a word. *coughs*

In defence of Jon… Know what, we’ll talk about Jon later, when we get to the reveal. 

Oh and Bran totes doesn’t care about Jaime enough to expose him in front of the entire Great Hall. Because ya know, he is a drama queen, but he keeps his cards close, he either already has a plan for Jaime or as he said, and as I have predicted from the preview, it serves no purpose to expose Jaime for what he did to Bran. Like just click on it and read it. Good that Bran called him out on his apology naaah bitch you don’t get to go holier than thou here. It is what it is. 

Me at Bran this episode:

Jaime and Tyrion’s conversation is very interesting, not only about Dany in general whether she is worthy or not, and Tyrion seems to be team Dany. Was it just me or Tyrion more like whispered the part where he talks about Cersei’s baby. Also also listen Jaime, unless you’re suddenly a gynaecologist how the fuck do you know she is not lying? I loved how Tyrion called Jaime out on the fact that he loved Cersei despite knowing full well what and who she was. Dude let’s call it what it was. Don’t play coy now. 

Ding ding ding Tyrion mentions marching to KL and killing Cersei … and that’s all I am gonna say about it.

Jaime x Brienne wow this ship is getting so fed - enjoy babies ! And I loved how Brienne was suddenly WHY ARENT YOU INSULTING ME I DONT KNOW HOW TO INTERACT TO YOU !!!! Brienne is leading the left flank and Jaime wants to be led by her. Keep in mind for next week’s episode! I am so proud of my son Pod, I am basically proudmom!Brienne tbh. 

The episode in which Dany gets a lot of counsel - because that’s also the type of ruler she is 

Tyrion x Varys x Jorah vs Dany - Dany gives the best scolding ever tbh. Moms, take notes, because look at Tyrion’s face. He knows this Christmas when the NK comes he will only get coal. No whores and wine for Tyrion. He was naughty boy.  

KHALESSI - Listen. I don’t like Jorah in the books, and my impression of show!Jorah has always been tainted by it. But this Jorah is redeemed and deserves to live I WILL RIOT IF HE DIES. The scene he has with Dany is one of my favourites because it just shows how much history they have together. I will sob if he dies because he is the only one left from S1E01 with her.  Jorah tells her to forgive Tyrion and seek out S.ansa to smooth things over. MY BEAR

S.ansa x Daenerys - First time I thought it was going well, they were bonding… and then S.ansa leaned forward and the hand placing seemed a bit too deliberate to me, too Margaery. What I am trying to say is that it is very hard to know if S.ansa is being genuine. It is a very good scene and it holds a lot of importance later on, more on that when I talk about the reveal in the last scene (and I this is what I wanted from episode 1 - cold but courteous.) 

S.ansa tells Dany Jon loves her and that “men do stupid things for the women they love, they’re easily manipulated” - which, fair point; she saw Cersei and Margaery do it. Buuuut she also had the counter-argument: she saw how Littlefinger manipulated her aunt. So it goes both ways, bby. 

“All my life I have known one goal: the Iron Throne […] until I met Jon 

INTERRUPTING THIS PROGRAMME TO FLAIL BECAUSE HOLY SHIT WE FINALLY HEAR DANY CALL HIM “JON” ON SCREEN YES YES FUCKING FINALLY THANK YOU BABY JESUS AND MARY AND THE ENTIRE TEAM OF 12 APOSTLES  

“Now I am here, half a world away, fighting Jon’s war alongside him. Tell me, who manipulated whom?”  - I love how Dany turns the tables here, because she is right; if Dany was manipulating Jon, then how come she is the one here, fighting with all her men and resources and dragons? Who gains from this more? SEE S.ANSA IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE IF YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN- 

FINALLY SOME GOOD FUCKING CONTENT. 

Then S.ansa goes for that smile ugh and agaaaain I am having soooo much trouble taking it for genuine. 

“I am here because I love your brother and I trust him and I know he is true to his word […]” I AM DEAD DEAD DEAD 

And then it goes to shite because S.ansa is now clearly drawing inspiration from Theresa fucking May since she has no fucking skills to bring up Brexit - is it Nexit? Dany retreating her hands tho - she feels played LIKE REALLY BITCH I WAS SPEAKING FROM MY HEART AND YOU WERE JUST BUYING TIME HERE. 

Theonsa everywhere - or the ship you never thought would happen in this show yet you can’t help but ship it 

That hug!!!! Wow I loved it!!! Sophie and Alfie killed it. Also watch Dany in the background - my baby!!! Do you know how hard it is being around people with big families when you’re… alone? It’s fucking depressing, and I just want to hug Dany and carry her to safety. 

We got 3 Theonsa moments (and one was a Jonerys parallel so you know the romantic undertones are strong) in this episode soooo yeah! Enjoy! I am afraid they are setting Theon up to die, especially since it would be poetic cinema.jpeg for him to die defending Bran after he took WF from him.

Also also feels like book!Theon and show!Theon are colliding again. 

The Merry Men and the Night’s Watch leftovers ; and Ghost for 3 seconds - you’re welcome ; the Hound and Beric; Missandei and Grey Worm

Tormund calling Jon “little crow” was fucking everything! did you catch Jon’s smile??? Precious baby!!! And then asking about Brienne!!!! But did you catch Jon’s face when he saw Sam was also there - like ugh you again - BYE 

Missandei x Grey - one of them is totally dead BYE I AM GONNA FLUNG MYSELF OUT THE WINDOW 

Sam x Jon on the battlements - ugh Sam really you are looking soooooo bad right now. Jon’s face is again precious. He is so over Sam atm and he is just like WHEN WILL THE NK COME FOR ME BECAUSE IF I HAVE TO STAY ONE MORE SECOND WITH THIS BITCH ISTG– Then I got emo when Edd came up. Damn. Watch Edd die too… I feel it in mah bones. That’s how the last of the NW dies. 

Arya x The Hound - I get soooo many dad feels from the Hound tbh and I love it. My guess the Hound makes it. Beric tho??? hmmm Idk about that. 

Tormund is fucking insane and I love him

THE BRIENNE KNIGHTING WAS EVERYTHING AND I CANT EVEN LOOK AT THE GIFS WITHOUT SOBBING MAH HEART - also!!! Dunk and Egg reference - Brienne parallel?? And the title of the episode! ugh Summerhall references? BRIENNE DO NOT DIE 

Sam gives Jorah Heartsbane - Good. It’s what Jorah deserves. *pushes Sam out of the shot*

Pod singing Jenny’s Song is tearing me apart and making me sob harder I FUCKING LOST IT AND I AM STILL GETTING CHILLS YALL THIS WAS FUN. SEEMS EVERYONE DIES. No, I jest. But I love how they paired up the couples for a tragic love song - Brienne x Jaime, Sam x Gilly, S.ansa x Theon, Arya x Gendry, Missandei x Greyworm, Jon x Dany. I wouldn’t look too much into the song choice tbh, since in Inside the episode they say they knew they wanted a song and they just picked this one and added more verses since it was incomplete. I know this is the second Summerhall reference, but ya know, I personally wouldn’t look too much into it.  Edit: I should have never trusted D&D - now go read these amazing posts made by @tomakeitbeautifultolive in which she explains the song and the significance for Jonerys. Also Ramin Djawadi spoke about the song and fed our fandom just today (April 25th).

The War Council or let’s gather around Bran Starkashian so he can spill some tea on the NK

Plan sounds basic imo, not that I had expected much about that, but in Miguel we trust and we know he will absolutely crash this battle in episode 3. 

Interesting how the casually dropped that apparently the NK’s goal is to destroy Bran. And the mention of the mark - so now basically Bran is chipped. Cool beans. Sam’s remark about “death is forgetting, being forgotten is very interesting. Memories don’t come from books, your stories aren’t just stories.” - interesting take here. I Sam writing the book about Jonerys? If so I am afraid he has A FUCKING BIAS OMG I AM GETTING HEATED AGAIN. Also my friend @iane-casey  was totally annoyed how much screen time Sam got which honestly same dude I am still pissed at you *joins Jon to brood and glare at Sam*

Dany publicly makes a point in that she still needs Tyrion aka he is forgiven so that there is no bad blood between them. 

Lmao my friend @zavocado says we should totes just tape Bran to Drogon’s belly and lure the NK away from WF *grabs the duct-tape* 

FINALLY A MAP: listen, they are outnumbered as fuuuuck… besides that it is clear that Dany’s forces will get the most hit since they are in the vanguard, Birenne on the left with the Knights of the Vale and some Stark forces, on the right we get the rest of the North, and the Mormonts are inside the gates! 

Jon walks on Dany a second time - Dany stops as the room clears out (Qhono and Jorah and Varys behind her), looks expectandly at Jon, he doesn’t look at her (MY BABY BOY HE LOOKS SO ROUGH DID HE EVEN SLEEP?), falters “Your Grace”, and bolts. She falters, her face is all WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING and she clears the room too. More on that at the end.

Gendrya or the OTP you did not know you need and why you fucking need it

First of all, this fandom is so pure. I loooooved all the Gendrya on my dash from episode 1 and then this episode I got flooded and I am here for it bitch. Give me all the feels.

I cannot wait to see Arya with her new weapon!!! 

GENDRY IS SO SHOOKETH BY ARYA AND I LOVED THAT SHE TOPPED HIM

I HAVE A SON YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER LET’S JOIN OUR HOUSES

The gendrya - jonerys parallels??? EVERYTHING JUST WOW

Jonerys parentage reveal 2.0 or the reveal Jon also deserved not the travesty he got

I will do a play by play of the scene, but first. Why does Jon avoid Dany? Simple. He is hurting. Since we get the Jaime vs Bran stare down and then we get the Jaime trial, it is safe to assume that happens the morning after Sam blurted the truth to Jon about his mom and dad. 

So at Jaime’s fake trial, Jon had what? A few hours at best to process everything - and by that I mean: Dany is his aunt; Ned lied to him his entire life (no matter the reason, Jon has been raised a certain way and to hear the man who was so honourable was capable of the biggest lie in the realm… das huge! so this is shocking his entire moral compass and belief system built upon the education his dad gave him); his dad actually loved his mom and married her so he is no longer a bastard - ya know aka the thing that affected his entire life and the thing he wanted most; his mom died giving birth to him and she managed to think of him in her last moments, enough to make Ned promise her he will take care of her son; the fact that if Robert even caught a whiff of it, he would have been dead. SO that is a LOT LOT. 

Which explains why Jon was so out of it when he is asked about Jaime. Also explains why he bolts out of the room without looking at Dany - I think if he had even so much as looked at her he would have broken down. He isn’t ready for it.

Oh the stuff I mentioned he had to come to terms with? On top of all of it we must add the stress of finding a way of telling all of this to Dany in a way that he doesn’t hurt her. Also I bet your ass he thought there was a chance she may not believe him (he himself did not in the beginning)… and a chance she may think he wants the throne since Sam drilled this into his head so now he is afraid of that too. 

So when Jon is in the war room he had what? around 12 hours in total since Sam told him? 15? 20? Do you think that’s enough? Because I don’t. But this time he is doing much better. So he is still not looking at Dany, but he addressed her “Your Grace” and leaves - which means he is already in a better place than where he was in the morning, but not quite there yet. 

This is good angst. We should rejoice, it will hurt before it gets better. 

Moving on. Why didn’t he just directly go to Dany? I honestly don’t think it’s in Jon’s character to seek out comfort. This is a kid who had no one to go to when he would hurt himself. That shit stays with you. You don’t just flip a switch and start seeking out your other half. No, in moments of stress the brain reverts to things it knows bets, to muscle memory and old habits; it uses the energy to overthink itself to death so ain’t nobody got time for that new behaviours shit. At this point jonerys have been together for how long? 3? 4 weeks? That’s not that much. They are used to each other, but not enough to break old habits and past traumas. 

Now, the reveal: 

Dany stops, silently asking permission before she approaches Jon. Poor bean must be a bit hurt that he avoided her twice, so better make sure he actually wants her company. Jon actually smiles at her, even if it is a sad smile. It kills me how he is just staring at him mom’s statue. KILLS ME. Only then, she approaches him (look at her face, brief relief!). She stops next to him, he turns to her and nods, and only THEN SHE EMBRACES HIS SIDE, HOLDING HIS HANDS, CHIN TO HIS SHOULDER.

“Who is that?”

“Lyanna Stark.” Jon eventually says

Dany looks a bit like oh… shit, again my family yikes… I would say she looks apologetic. “My brother Rhaegar, everyone told me he was decent and kind. He liked to sing. Gave money to poor children. And he raped her” - ok but this is big, because Dany just in S7 recognised her own rape… So no wonder her opinion on Rhaegar is not that good atm. 

“He didn’t” 

Dany looks shook, but she is still holding onto Jon. Notice how his hand is on hers? 

“He loved her.” 

She doesn’t interrupt. Jon almost looks like he is feeling brave, so he keeps her hand into his and turns to face her. 

“They were married in secret. After Rhaegar fell on the Trident, she had a son. Robert would have murdered the baby if he ever found out and Lyanna knew it.”

Dany is surpised, but so far so good. Jon stares into her eyes.

“So the last thing she did as she bled to death on her birthing bed was give the boy to her brother” – camera on Emilia — oh shit for a split second it starts to show that she is putting two and two together – “Ned Stark” – her eyes widen and she blinks – “to raise as his bastard” – she exhales, breathing accelerates – “My name,” – breathing heavily on her part –  “my real name” -- she looks incredulous and nods a smal no – “is Aegon Targaryen” – she blinks, exhales, puls away her hand and turn halfway away from Jon. 

She looks away, then at him, he is almost leaning over her but still too far. “That’s impossible.”

Camera on Jonerys

“I wish it were.” (SEE THIS IS WHAT I AM SAYING MY POOR SON)

“Who told you this?”

“Bran. He was it.”

“He SAW it?” She sound clipped, the ARE YOU KIDDING ME tone clipped 

“And Samwell confirmed it.”He read about their marriage at the CItadel” – camera on Emilia —”without even knowing what it meant” (OK BUT FUCK OFF SAM GILLY READ THAT) - Dany’s face her, she is clearly restraining herself because this sounds insane.

“A secret no one in the world knew, except your brother and your best friend, doesn’t seem strange to you?” she shakes her head and it breaks my heart how you can see the wheels turning in her head going fuck here we go again, I laid my heart bare and that’s it. Yet another betrayal. 

Camera on Kit. He looks at her, takes a step forward “It’s true, Dany.” – camera on Emilia – “I know it is.” (UM HELLO DANY I AM HYPERVENTILATING BITCH)

Dany shakes her head, her face looks full with distrust. Then it goes to despair - her voice shaky “If it were true, it would make you the last male heir of the House Targaryen.” – camera on Kit HE FUCKING FROWNS LIKE WHAT – camera on Emilia – “You’d have a claim to the Iron Throne” – camera on Kit and his face goes again WHA— 

THEN THE FUCKING HORN SOUNDS. Jon turns his head towards the door, but Dany keeps staring at him and she looks heartbroken.

They go out and it’s all business. He nods to her and she leaves. Interesting though - she comes out first. Jon turned back towards the sound so if they were just running out he should have come out first. Either he remembered to be courteous or there is another small exchange we didn’t get to see. Or maybe I am reading way into things and it was a lame ass decision hahah. 

Ok so the reveal to Dany - you better fucking take notes Sam cuz this is how you do a reveal: being calm, level headed, explaining to the person as much as you can, answering questions.

On Dany’s reaction: my friend @oadara said it so so well in this post here. So, building on that, we need to put her reaction in context, just like I did with Jon’s cold shoulder. Dany’s discussion with S.asnsa is fresh in her mind, not just the part about who is manipulating whom, and that must drive her nuts now, but also the part in which S.asnsa did a 180 on her just when she thought she was making progress, so feeling like she was being manipulated. One of course must start asking questions. Has Jon just found out? Has he always known? Did he seduce her to take her armies and her dragons her her throne?? Moreover, Dany specifically tells S.ansa that her only goal in life has been the Iron Throne. Imagine that - having one goal in life, and suddenly someone comes in and can just rip it all away from you, poof just like that, they just need to say the word. Moreover, males have preference… and so many would rather follow a male than a female. And that’s a fact.  

Moreover… she still thinks herself barren… 

Like I am not saying Dany suddenly hates Jon or will cast him away (ok maybe she will initially I have a prediction/theory I will explain in a different post). I am saying… JUST GIVE DANY TIME. She just found out and now she gotta go save everyone’s ass. Let the girl breathe.

I was asking myself but why would Jon tell her now? If he himself wishes she had never known? I think it may be a very Ned Stark thing - he genuinely thinks he will fall, and he wanted to tell her the truth, because Rhaegar Targaryen may be his dad but Ned Stark is his daddy. 

What do you think? As always, dms and asks are open! 

Will make a preview post and another about my jonerys theory. 

All in all, this episode was incredible and I loved it. I am so not ready for the fight fuuuuuuuuuuuu-

[idio-cies]

My Thoughts on S7

Okay first things first.

Atm my emotions are mixed. I am angry, disappointed, confused and happy all at once.

I don’t think that this was a bad/terrible season per ce but there were definitely different elements in it that rubbed me the wrong way.

These guys can never catch a fucking break can they?

I’ll do plot points/devices before I go into characters because... whoooooo

Okay so like, the beginning of the season was actually pretty damn good, the road trip episode (episode 2) was really fun, it was making me laugh and it wasn’t too out of the narrative, it laid the ground for the fact that going into the rift and such messed up time (I thought it would). Then the family feud episode was ehh... and there was a couple of other things that you felt were steering the season downhill. And then the flashback episodes happen and that’s when you knew everything went out the window and into the pot.

Look, I’m not usually one of those people who doubt or anything at the crew. heck I gave them a chance at still showing themselves after I watched LoK which I hated. I did. There was something about LoK that made me feel so weird and it was because of how poor it was, after the flashback episodes I began to get that same feeling. That is not good, though  was still hyperventilating over the fact that the new season was out and Earth was in danger etc etc. I am just disappointed in the crew. It always starts out pretty good and then goes to shit. (well actually S4-6 was all over the place).

So Plot points. The Earth being in danger? I knew that would happen, it is a dark thing, it was about war. Sendak wanted to exploit their vulnerabilities. It makes sense due to the fact that Sendak was Haggar’s puppet. Hence why we see that white alternative Voltron Robeast at the end that turns out to be an Altean powering it. 1 altean manning that was like fucking incredible though. That cliffhanger sets up something with Allura. I was saddened when it looked like that Altean business was swept under the rug in that episode with Kolivan. I knew Haggar would then be involved with the other Alteans but damn she works fast. That episode with Kolivan did hint that it’s not going to be over for them in deep space. This opens up so many things... Hopefully (I’m finding myself saying that a lot now in response to this show). Anyways, yeah. The next person to take down is Haggar and I’ve always been on board with the idea that Allura will go 1-on-1 with her because it was awesome what we saw of Allura in S2 with her alchemy and it will be a chance to show how much Allura has learnt about herself. Allura is the one connected by the way. That’s telling enough. It was just her in that end scene, no other paladins. I want this to be her battle.

Enslavement? who saw that coming as soon as earth was under attack *raises hand*. It was obvious. I was actually surprised with the technology that Earth managed to create, I know it was because it was because of Altean functions etc, but they actually achieved it, like what the hell. Also the setting. So do people think this is in the future or an alternate reality of our current Earth? because Veronica said about WWIII and I place my bets on alternate reality. Plus it would be quaint with Voltron and all that jazz.

There were some plot points that were just like really?? like, I think I speak for the entire fandom that was happened with Adam was shit. As soon as Sam said they were doomed I was like “Oh no, this isn’t going to end well.” but they didn’t even give us the decency to see his ship blow up, only to see his tag go red like, shit man, why did you play us dirty like this? It is suspicious that that happened, but after everything I highly doubt Adam is alive. I just want to say though. That device of when a character is killed off screen, well that either can tell you that they are irrelevant to the story (like Lady Macbeth in Macbeth) or it can be because the scene holds weight to it. Not too much, but some, and that scene I didn’t feel anything, just a void. I knew he was doomed.

Overall with the plot in he second half, again it was one thing after another. I have to say though, it wasn’t as rushed to me as it has been previously. Thing is, that just seems to be the way of vld now; it’s rushed. One thing after another and these guys really do not get a break whatsoever.

I thought we would see a little more Romelle, but just like everything, vld seems to not have the time to do stuff like that.

Okay the amount of parallels to S1 was ridiculous. It puts my theory forward but I find it hilarious because S1 is the better season. The parallels are important. i spotted ep 1, 2, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11. There was other parallels to other seasons but those parallels are really important to me for my theory on things repeating. And guess what, that happened with Hunk! For others it is a mixture of arcs (Pidge, Keith and Allura) and for Lance it is a repeat as well, with Keith. I can’t believe that that theory is the one thing that still stands from S4 onwards, I kinda feel proud.

I also want to say how many fucking rainbows there were this season. They were everywhere!!!! When my hope did fleet for a second, I did think “are the rainbows what the crew meant by LGBT rep?” because, what the actual fuck. They were everywhere. I don’t know whether people agree with me, but in the fights I still saw the Bi colours, especially against the robeast at the end... and there was a scene with Lance when they were out of commission. I believe it was the scene where Veronica was calling for Lance, there was the Bi colours there. The blue on his suit and outside was prominent and the purple from the blasts and the red in blue looked oddly pink, it was so fucking weird. It may be wishful thinking and the quality was not great, but the colours were there I’m almost certain of it. I don’t know whether anyone is with me in that though?

So characters.

I’ll start with Pidge.

There wasn’t much over her character this season, but she has her whole family reunited. Okay, right Pidge is not very popular rn, but like Sam telling Colleen that their Children are “strong like their mother” moved me. At least they display that. I liked Colleen actually, I really did. Sam’s command was cool to see but Matt arriving home? He gave me soooo many Edward Elric vibes like wtf. Pidge was her usual, just at least she wasn’t digging at Lance the entire season.

Hunk

I think it's safe for me to say that everyone was fairly happy with Hunk getting some more attention? I was happy with what Keith told him on earth and the display or growth he showed when floating around in space. It was really cool and gives us a firm point that he too has had growth, it wasn't just in S1. It was lovely to see, though I still have some things I'm not so happy about, I'll come back to that later. But yeah. Hunk’s arc(s?) in this season were actually heart warming to see. Hunk kept the team together which is something that makes sense with his character, though the sticking together thing can be shown with Shiro and Lance? But yeah. That scene with him working through anxiety was actually really nice. Then later with his parents, it hit me in the feels. Then what Keith tells him was so sweet because it was so lovely to see something 1 on 1 with Hunk because he never gets that, I wonder if his siblings(??) are okay, we only saw his parents...

Shiro

So, despite the injustice of Adam, Shiro taking the captain role... I knew that would happen and I’m happy it did. The white lion thing? Yeah, that was Atlas. That was really nice too, it really was just let down by a few things and it was all to do with relationships. Okay, right I know Keith and Shiro get a lot of screen time and stuff but after that first episode it was like it went *poof* like episode 1 didn’t even happen which I thought was highly strange, I was expecting to see more of their dynamic but I guess not. Then of course there was the Adam stuff, I almost wept in the last episode where Shiro was talking and it honed in on Adam’s plaque and Shiro was saying something about sunlight. Urgh, just kill me now. Then finally, I did think something would be suggested with Lance but nope, nothing. I knew Lance’s arc and Shiro’s help wouldn’t happen this season but I’d found so much that suggest it, even in the newer seasons and I thought it would still run in S7 as a hint, nope nothing. I still think Lance was hung up over Shiro and such in the first episode, but like overall? We didn’t even see Shiro in with Lance’s lion. Lance either had Romelle or... well, nothing...

I knew Sendak would be Shiro’s to take down. Makes sense with the 0109 and 0104 parallel. Oh wait! In that case, I did think when I saw that fight scene with Sendak, I did think of how Shiro was protecting Lance at the time, so that could be a hint because it was a throwback, but I’m not sure.

Allura

Okay Allura fucking confused me this season. Though it was cool seeing her royalty badge slip, she is becoming her own person, a paladin of Voltron. Not just Allura, Princess, Daughter of King Alfor. It’s all about her legacy arc and finding that she can be her own person, not just live for the purpose of her father, that she is also not alone in everything. The thing is, some of those things are who Allura are, it’s just she needs to find that balance. Her authority in this season stood out to me for some reason. Like, she still had a voice, but it wasn’t her usual one of her place of being royalty. Allura is still finding herself. The Alteans plot line is for her, always has been, always will be. Her royalty title is a strange one, and it would feel like she is reverting back to it, but she’s not, because that is one of her titles and she is good at that, she is still a teenager bless her and like I keep saying, she is still finding herself, she doubts herself too. We were told in a review that Allura and Hunk were the ones with the arcs, but Allura’s was very subtle. It was basically leading to her last arc, but she did give up her royalty title when she threw her crown on the floor and gave up the crystal. Also guys, Allura’s arc is weird when you add in Lance, like her having feelings for him now is so fucked up? and in the next season I’m waiting for there to be a break. I will talk a bit more about this when I get to Lance because it will be easier, but yeah. I love Allura and I want her arc to be of justice and she is so close, but I find it ssooooo very interesting that the two characters with most of the character development left to undertake are Lance and Allura and this can go one of two ways; their arcs respectively end up making them grow together to be better or they end up growing a part. When I get to Lance, I can tell you which one it will be.

Keith

Keith's growth really does show, but it’s super weird right? I was right about things still needing some time with Krolia, though I thought there would be more too it that would end up with more angst but I was wrong. I was wrong and right about a lot of things... Anyway, I was expecting there to be something more there with the build-up to Keith calling Krolia Mum/Mom, I head-cannoned something that I thought might work with Adam and Shiro in respect to this (forgiveness and acceptance) but that flew waayyyyyy out the window and into an electrified fence. Anyway, so a little disappointed about that, though I knew it would arrive and I still was on the brink of tears when I saw it because like, this is Keith we’re talking about. So I was right with Keith and creating firmer bonds with the others, except there are two gaps. Allura and Lance. Keith and Hunk was the “pair we haven’t seen in a while”- I knew it would be those pairs from 0209-10 or klance in ref. to 0107, and I was almost there, except Klance was fucking weird (I’ll get to that later). Keith and Hunk was actually really fucking sweet like omg. Keith still being closed off with his arms, but slowly coming out of the shadows and being open was so... urgh, it was lovely to see and it’s something that I wanted to see. Shiro and him is just the norm now, but like I said with Shiro, I thought it were weird that it was just dropped after ep 1. Then Keith and Pidge, I mean, not anywhere near Hunk and Keith displayed, but it paralleled Klance which was so... weird. I’m glad but confused because of what I’ve said before about the parallel theory I have, but Pidge and Keith were still working together, Keith got it quicker as well. I just thought it was super weird how Pidge had almost literally turned into Lance. I’m so confused by it because I can’t tell if it’s a good or a bad thing...

So anyways, if we stay on the topic of Keith and his bonds with people, he referenced the friendship thing in 5th(?) episode when they were floating around in Space. That whole scene was... ummm yeah, very telling. Keith hurt Allura, Allura hurt Keith and then Lance was hurting Keith and Keith was hurting Lance. It was complicated. Allura and Keith have always been patchy and they need to work on it. the forgiveness in S2 was super weird because it was one-sided and then Keith didn’t want her to lecture him in S4, leaving where they are with things is because of Keith. Keith was the one to dig at Allura first and Allura bit back. Yeah, that is something they need to work on. Keith apologises to them all, though it wasn’t individual, plus he goes on to be good with Hunk and Pidge later on. I feel like Keith needed to apologise to Allura separately, like he also needed to do in S2... Then with Lance... Lance was hurt because of the actions, not what was said. Lance started to perk up only when Allura called out Keith for leaving. I don’t think Lance added to that because of his ties with Allura, otherwise he would have said something first, but he said about Keith leaving twice, it hurt him differently and was separate from Allura. I mean, I’m sure there was an element of Lance sticking up for Allura, but yeah, he wouldn’t have said what he said if it was just for her, it was personal. Plus, (yes I will still listen to the crew) one of the crew said that Keith leaving hurt Lance specifically. I stand by this because the narrative we have been shown doesn’t make sense other wise, we wouldn’t have seen Lance be so isolated etc when Keith was away. Keith’s interactions with Lance were weird, but I’ll talk about that later. But still. Keith, if he explores romance (it would make sense with the bonds he has made; parental, brotherly, friendship etc) he seems to be super bad at it (again, I’ll get into that later)... but yeah, he needs to patch things with Allura and Lance because I think they will show that he has a unique bond with each of them, plus Voltron is like “The Keith show” now, so it would be stupid if they didn’t patch it.

So, lets talk about Axca and Keith. I’m sorry I crack up every time I think about this because of how devoid Keith is. It is fucking hilarious. Thank god someone officially said in a review that it was one-sided because it so totally is. So first. The bonding moment, that came up 3 times. 1st with Krolia, though this was never shown to have a reaction shot, and was basically the “Keith” in that situation, plus context was all different. Then we had Ezor and Zethrid. Ezor is meant to parallel Lance, but Ezor has the fond look on her face, but the words said and such was meant to parallel the bonding moment, no doubt. Though, it did feel like a joke... The whole Ezor and Zethrid thing was weird-up from the very beginning. Then we arrive with Axca and she says “It brought me to you” meaning Keith, I full on cackled. Keith’s face is devoid, he makes no discrepancies of what she really means and it is so funny because omfg. his “reaction shot” isn’t even a reaction. There was no weight to it whatsoever. This is what I’m getting at. The bonding moment held a lot of weight because of all the elements, the lighting, the music, the looks, everything- but also because it was reciprocated. Ezor and Zethrid was blatant because it was reciprocated but Krolia and the Axca, it wasn’t. I would be concerned if Keith had said something in return or even a fond look or maybe even surprise like “OOHHHH you meant like that”- but it didn’t... there was nothing. There wasn’t the same music. Then that end scene where Axca comes to the grave??? I was so confused and my thoughts were “Ohhhh you’re gonna be disappointed” because it was all from Axca’s side. Keith suggested nothing, even when he fought to help Axca, nothing, he was being Keith in that moment. Their whole “relationship” just seemed to be like “I hate being indebted to someone, so I’ll help you and that’s it” also, when they meet Keith was starting his arc really... I mean, there is weight to their relationship but I find it so funny because I don’t see an ounce of romantic reciprocation from Keith. Keith makes absolutely no effort to be fond or anything, except to Lance, and then when he checked out Rolo. That is the thing that makes me live. Keith making all those fond looks and such at Lance and their dynamic in S1 and S3 matched with all the tropes in S2, it doesn’t make sense. Keith is gay. I really do still believe that.

Okay, so Lance.

I am disappointed, I was depressed about it all but now I am riding on something. So you know how Lance is like the Sokka incarnate? Yeah, I think they’re gonna pull a Sokka. I mean, I really thought about it and I was like, well I wasn’t 100% happy about the Sokka arc but at least his insecurities were handled and such, though some things were left rather late. Sokka had the meteorite sword and he took a whole episode trying to master it, it was all about his insecurities as well, there was a sense about him that was totally serious and now I can’t help but think of Lance. I believe it was Joaquim who said Lance’s arc is subtle and his favourite. Well, if that’s so (and it is subtle) they will do him justice and have things handled. In the family feud episode, I was not happy, but they referenced Space mall and The Depths a lot. The depths (if any have read that post I did) made me hopeful. The family feud episode felt like a huge dig at Lance and it totally was. For over half of it, he was the centre of attention. I may talk about that episode separately as there is a lot on it, but I do have acceptance over it, though I do feel cheated and annoyed. But yeah. Sokka ended up helping his father in the war, so it will be slightly different. I haven’t watch ATLA in ages, but I know that Sokka’s father called him a good man or something, and that was all Sokka wanted to hear as he did have to grow up quickly in his water tribe, but because of that, he exerted that child-like goofy behaviour. He didn’t have any bending skills, but he got by with his instincts and tactics (sound familiar). Lance feels like he doesn’t bring anything, but his growth relies on him to use instincts and tactics. This is shown with Keith putting his faith in Lance and Lance looks so lost almost every time (expect the drone shooting, that was weird) and then when Lance accepted his death, it makes my heart hurt to think about it. He gave up. It is a parallel to the Keith scene in 0605. He gave up on himself and Red saved him. If anything, that puts Klance further forward. You know what though? you would have thought Lance would have fought a losing battle to get his sister to safety, but he didn’t. That’s what hit me the most. Their teams would have lost important members respectively, they would have lost without them, plus their family would have lost two members. I can’t believe Lance let himself give up. It really does show how troubled he is deep down. After the impression we get from Lance, fighting to save someone he has known for all of 10 minutes and then lunges at Ezor to not get to Pidge though he was tied up and then not even make an effort to save his sister? What was that? WHAT WAS THAT. That’s what made me cry. I knew that Red wouldn’t activate with the others. you could see it coming. Then Red saves him, yet it was a huge surprise because, usually when Keith was saved by Red we always saw Red glow. I still have hope for Klance, and this scene is one of the reasons why. That context of Red saving Lance and it being a huge fucking surprise, yep, i just.

I will say it once and I will say it now. Lance did not get an arc this season. Why? Well, it actually wasn’t stated that he would, but the groundwork is still there. At this rate, they are just dragging Lance face-first through the mud. If they don’t give him an arc it would be a huuugggeee injustice to his character. Yes, it was annoying that Hunk got the family arc and not Lance as Lance seemed to be the one hinted at that, but they still put in his insecurities and also how he has not fully connected with his lions. I have so much to say about Lance, so bare with (when do I never?).

Okay so first. The paladins have each had those connection things with their respective lions except Allura individually with Blue and Lance in general. Shiro was the first with Black S2 (?), then Pidge S2, then we saw Keith with black in S6 and S7 again, Allura with the whole of Voltron in S6 and then Hunk in S7. Lance, I know we are riding on trusting what Jeremy and other crew members have told us, but Jeremy said he will connect with his lion. Well, when we had that opportunity like the others, he still hasn’t connected, but Red still saved him and he did use his Bayard 3 times which is a first, though it was never on his own. The first time there was no build up to it which was weird, but it was with Keith and they drew no attention??? Then next with Pidge to get the dual blades which was cool, and there was build-up, then lastly again with Keith and there was build-up there. I don’t think that that is the “connection” Jeremy was talking about, but Lance seems to slowly be getting there.

You know there are loads of people thinking that Lance will be like “nah, I’ll stay on earth, I’m not worthy anyway” when the paladins inevitably have to leave earth again for another space battle. Well, I think I believe that more now than ever. It makes sense, especially after that “I accept my death” scene. Lance is not a stable human and his insecurities are really getting the better of him now. Somebody pointed out, all during the family feud thing “I’m not dumb, I’ll prove it”, straight after: “You know I’m the dumb one” :// I just aaaahhhhhhhh. The Shiro thing... I don’t know whether that will come back, I thought during episode 1 that Lance was still concerned about that, but I’m not sure. But Lance’s insecurities need to be handled, and here’s how A//urance doesn’t make any fucking sense.

You know how I said earlier about Allura and Lance being the ones with the most remaining character development left to go and that could either bring them together or break them apart. Well, here’s some food for thought: Allura is almost there, but Lance isn’t. Why present a romance when a character is at their lowest and doesn’t talk about it whilst the other one is thriving, doesn’t realise the other persons low but continues to grow because of this person if they were meant to be? Absolutely nothing indicates to me that Allura makes Lance feel better about his insecurities. Her presence and such may make him feel better, but that one time Lance faltered in 0302 and let slip some of his doubt in himself Allura told him to go after Red. the one time, now it’s like that never ever happened. The one time Lance lets out his doubts to Allura and she directs him elsewhere? To red no less? I have this theory that Lance prefers the weight of actions over words as no one has ever been able to make him feel better with just words, except Keith, who then proceeded to do an act. Allura directing him to Red was words and actions too, but he was smitten over Allura saving him, but any other time it’s just words and it doesn’t leave a mark, but it does for Allura. This is why A//urance doesn’t make sense. It builds up Allura more than it does Lance and only now is Allura showing any feelings towards Lance and it’s weird. I know that Lance was telling Allura to be safe because of his bias, but then Allura does it and it was weird that Lance didn’t say it first... I don’t get it. Their arcs don’t align, and if people are correct with Lance doubting so much that he will stay on earth, and now Allura is tied back to living Alteans again, the only thing for them to do is drift apart romantically speaking. Like I said with one building up (Allura) and the other staying still (Lance)- it doesn’t make any sense. It would be stupid because it is an injustice to both of their characters. Allura has another path and Lance has another. It would still be what Lance wants and not what he needs.

So lets finally talk about Klance. Okay, they were super weird to me this season, but I still believe in klance, because of what I said above, and more. Look, so lets get something straight(lol). There has been a slight role reversal. It is super weird because they have the dynamic of S3, but Keith is acting like old, closed-off Keith when Lance is being genuine. Keith to me seemed pretty hostile and that in of itself and the fact that he had his arms crossed and such in the family feud episode is enough to tell us that the “rivalry” is not through, and it would be stupid if it was left like that, as they are meant to be friends as Keith said in the 5th episode. It is stupid if they didn’t come to a close about it because it was evident that Keith wasn’t telling the truth, because he was closed off and poked at Lance. I mean, I don’t blame Keith, though when you look at S1 and especially S3 you’re like Huh? because Keith did put faith in Lance, but he was being Shitty towards him too and it was so weird because he wasn’t acting that way with anyone else. Not even James, which I’m sure was meant to be a parallel to Keith and Lance. As James was hostile to Keith when he first saw him and then, by their last interaction James was being cocky and teamed up with him, acting like a friend. I also found it hilarious how James knew exactly who Keith was and Keith in return had no clue, they always honed in on Keith and his face just read “I feel like I know you but I just can’t put my finger on it”- you would think of all the people in the Garrison that he would remember James, but nope.

Does anybody else feel like everyone falls away when Keith and Lance have moments? Like in S3, they frame their moments so it looks like they’re alone? Well they still do that in this season. So, first scene was when Keith goes to help Axca and leaves Lance in charge. Literally everyone walks past them and Lance turns around and gets Keith to turn around (lol, thats a visual trope) and Lance’s face screams that he has never had this much faith put on him, I mean, Allura, Shiro and Krolia were there and then Coran as well, this was everyone and Lance was put in charge of leading them all out safely. I think especially because Shiro was now there you would think Shiro got the lead, or it be a shared responsibility. But Lance’s face, bless his heart.

Then we have the drone thing where it was literally only them. Keith said not to miss but it was weird. I saw someone say it was like a tease, but I disagree, a little. His facial expression matched with his tone didn’t suggest that, but Lance made no reaction, so it might have not phased him, he didn’t miss though. But that is a role reversal of 0107. “I’ll distract them, you take the shot” is the equivalent of all the gestures Lance made in 0107. Also Lance’s face is a little confused when Keith says not to miss. Keith wasn’t exactly being hostile, and he wasn’t full-out teasing, it was a bit more like the start of a gag they could have between them, it was super weird. Glad to see the sniper again though (mwahahahaha means his growth bitches).

Then we arrive at family feud and like Lance is so genuine and tentative, his face is all soft and is the same face he makes when speaking about Allura in his vlog and he says that Keith is the future. If that doesn’t make you scream and have hope, I don’t know what will. They voted for each other! I just can’t man. Lance takes the longest to write down who he chooses, Keith takes the shortest and lance comes out saying shit like that. Man, way to puncture my heart. Then Keith is closed off and just says that he doesn’t want to be stuck with Lance, Lance thinking he said something nice though is stupid. 1. it puts across that Lance is dumb (again), 2. It feels like Lance doesn’t listen which doesn’t show his growth. But I’m gonna keep saying this, the fact that there is still clearly a rift between them makes no sense if they were to leave it that way, they will have to work through that. Plus Keith was open to Lance in S3, why throw that all away. Lance was being so open to Keith in S3, now he’s really genuine in comparison to Lance’s facade and rivalry, why squander that. Then the bonding moment, what was the point in having that, paralleling that but it not having the same affect as it did with the other times we saw it, unless you look at the other one that is almost exactly the same with Krolia and Texas. It makes no sense to build something so early on to fuck it up. Their character arcs won’t do it justice if keith also isn’t open and at least friends with Lance, or for Lance to be so insecure about taking up some more leadership roles or just being insecure in general. The fact that Allura and Keith still have a rift between them and so do Lance and Keith is really fucking interesting. Why those two, ohhhhh you don’t think it could be because Lance has always tried to get closer to Allura and now he is and Keith is very fucking confused about Lance now he’s being so genuine about everything. I wonder if Keith is annoyed at Lance. It is meaningful that Keith put that faith in Lance despite Lance looking like a lost puppy.

Guys, the context is still there. The whole time whilst watching and i got to that A//urance scene, I was just confused because the development with Klance otherwise makes no fucking sense. Keith is nowhere near interested in Axca, Lance still is upset about Keith leaving, Lance has insecurities, Lance raises Allura up, though he is still dragging himself down, Keith has a rift and it just happens to be with Allura and Lance, mostly Lance, though he finds it easy to dig at Allura. Those 3 I swear to god. As I said before, as vld now seems to be “The Keith Show” I’m sure those bonds will get sorted. Allura’s arc has been left on a cliffhanger for her to solve and Lance is digging himself a grave it seems. Everyone else seems to be good atm.

Maybe this restored some positivity? maybe not. A few threads of my hope did fleet, but seriously, I’m trying to look at the brighter side of things. It is not fair about the queerbait, I grant you that, and I have a feeling that Lance will be like Sokka and it being rather late and then IF we get Klance, it will be probably like Korrasami... which is a huge shame, but is the only way I see things happening.

Sorry for those who has lost faith and are very disappointed, I’m still disappointed to, but now I’ve arrived at acceptance in some places. sorry for the length

Later Paladudes ;)

[chibichocopaws]

Visions of a Dark Star

Visions of a Dark Star

A theory by chibichocopaws!

(Note: This is stupid long. There are no actual facts backing my theory up, it is, after all a theory. I am open to friendly discussion or debate on the topic as well. Apologies for any grammatical errors. I may or may not have written parts while enjoying some prescribed pain relievers. And....

SEASON 6 VLD SPOILERS AHEAD!

K.thanks!)

Krolia: “Time collapses this close to dark stars. Going through the light triggers glimpses of the past and the future.” (Season 6, Episode 2: Razor’s Edge)

We are starting with Kieth's return to the Castle of Lions in Season 6, Episode 4: The Colony. He seems very accepting of what's happening with Shiro, and even slightly pulled back when he sees Shiro at first.

What I mean by this, is the first time Keith speaks to Shiro is over a com when he's on the Altean space pod. He seems slightly frantic, given the information about Lotor. He quickly identifies himself, saying "Shiro it's Keith." Then instantly asks where Lotor is. Granted, this isn't very unlike a Leader of Voltron to do. "It's me. Don't fire. Friend not foe. Now here's the important part."

But even when he lands the Altean pod, and steps out, there's little interaction between the two. Now, Sheith fans jump on the look Shiro gives Keith. It's a big "Holy shit, you look hotter." Look. As a Sheith fan, I'm not going to argue that look, but I am trying to be unbiased here. Soooo, how about we take that look as something different. Where is the hug? Where is the hand shake? Some sort of physical contact. We know Keith and Shiro share physical contact frequently. A hand on the shoulder, an arm around the shoulder, etc. It's uncommon for them to not be near each other, or exchanging a touch. We know Keith doesn't do this with many others. “He's not exactly handing out love hearts to anyone.” Whether that be as a friend or more. Again, different topic. So, we know Keith is reserved to begin with during this reunion, so perhaps that's really what the look is for. Keith barely acknowledges Shiro here. Sure, he's matured, but he's holding back. There's only one point he's smiling at Shiro when he's returned. Otherwise, he's rarely interacting with him. He's brushing off Shiro’s questions, and focusing on other people's questions. If you watch the episode closely, he rarely even looks at Shiro.

To touch on the “one time he is smiling” was when Haggar was looking through Shiro’s eyes. Of course she was. Why would she not be. The universe really hates Keith sometimes. Poor guy. Anyways, it's after the introduction of Krolia, when she thanks Shiro for raising him to be the man he is today. So, even if we dissect this, it can still stand to reason, that he's simply smiling because of his mother's words. If they had the visions, and Krolia too saw what was bound to happen, why would she do this? It's a funny thing, mothers. They do things that their kids don't always understand, but it's for the best. Krolia understands that Shiro has been and is a huge part of Keith’s life. She's had 2 years and countless past and future visions to discover this, nevermind if Keith opens up to her verbally (which is likely considering 2 years with only one other person, not including cosmic wolf because I'm left to assume it cannot communicate, is a long time to sit in complete silence, especially with all their dirty secrets being shown in visions to each other). So perhaps, Krolia does and says this more for Keith than Shiro. Krolia is difficult to read though, she's naturally obscure with her facial expressions, most likely due to her being Galra and a member of the Blade of Mamora.

So let me throw this out there. Based on what we know from Episode 2, every time that time collapses, Keith and Krolia fell victim to visions of the past and the future. Yet, Episode 2 only showed one vision from the future, then proceeded to only show visions of the past. Yet, this makes no sense, unless of course, the visions of the future were obscured by the creators to "not give anything away" (such as the small snippet of battle between Shiro/Kuron and Keith. As viewers we only knew it was going to happen, though we didn't know to what extent or why at the time of episode 2).

They were on that space whale for 2 years. I'm not sure what the frequency of time collapses was, but they occurred on the space whale as well. It seemed the trip to the space whale from the destruction of their ship, could not have lasted more than a couple of days to a maximum of a week. I say this based on Keith being human, because he mentions they won't survive much longer without food or water. Some humans can train their bodies to go longer periods without sustenance, and sadly, I imagine Keith has had to do just that based on his history as a child. Ok, so supposedly the average human can last without food for about three weeks. I, personally don't believe that. (Backstory: I went an entire week without any food as a cleansing exercise and by day 6 I was about ready to pass out, day 7 found me literally blacking out randomly. Keeping in mind, I only drank water, and continued to work at a grueling physically laboring job). So I’m assuming this 3 weeks statement is for those that can basically veg out without much, if any, physical labor. Now, water is a different story. The human body cannot survive very long without it (a matter of days really). Days under normal circumstances, not extreme labor, like pushing from space rock to space rock, sweating from exertion, etc. But, if we take into consideration that Keith is also half Galra, that may extend the amount of time he needs liquid. I am not familiar with how frequently Galra need sustenance to survive.

Back on topic though... In that time we were given three time collapses. So, let's say we go with the maximum of a week they were jumping from space rock to space rock before encountering the whale. (This time frame is important because we need to figure out how often the time collapses were occurring and we need a point of reference, which would be prior to the space whale) That's 3x52 (52 weeks in a year) which is 156 time collapses in a year. Now that's 156 times 2 for 2 years that they were gone, and that's 312.

Obviously that's not including any changes. So yes, there's a possibility that maybe the whale has blocked some of the collapses, or that the collapses happen less frequently the closer or farther away the whale gets to or from the star. Or even if the collapse is blocked from hitting them by something. But even if it were only 100 visions of the past and future, that's still A LOT!

So here's my theory. Keith knows. He knows the entire time what's going to happen. I'm basing this on a linear future, meaning it cannot be altered.

There is a time in episode 4 where Keith tries to reach out to Shiro (right after Shiro steals a pod and Lotor and flies off, Keith calls him through vocal com) desperately. He tried to keep his voice calm, telling Shiro it will be alright. Without my theory, it's something Keith would maybe do. I mean, if he doesn't know what's happening, why would he speak calmly to Shiro. Why wouldn't he yell and be like "Shiro what are you doing!?" Sure, he's matured in two years, but it seems like something more of a last hope reach out. I truly believe, at this point, he knows already. He knows that Shiro is a clone. He knows that they are going to battle, but that doesn't mean he can't try to stop it still.

But, 2 years is a long time to come to terms with the inevitable. It by no means makes it any easier, but it can be accepted. He's also had 2 years to discuss this with his mother. Now, looking at Krolia, she is very cool headed. She seems to know herself and her limits very well. She has seemed to since before having Keith. Krolia very well could have been the voice of reason he needed to accept that he may have to kill Shiro/Kuron, or at the very least, fight him.

Now, because it's not released, it's impossible to know how much was revealed in the future visions. The past visions seemed to be weird intervals, some long, some very short. So I'm not sure what was shown for future visions or the lengths of them. Though 2 years is a long time to get the entire fight and what brought Shiro to that place. So, I honestly have little doubt.

Ok, this finally wraps around to “The Battle”. Ugh. My heart hurts rewatching this episode, but I didn't feel I could full circle my theory without doing it.

Season 6, Episode 5: The Black Paladins.

The cracking sound you're hearing? Oh, just my heart shattering. I'll find some glue or something later.

Anyways. They rush out as Voltron to fight Haggar’s goonies. I really want to call them the switchers. It's hard to keep up who's side they're on. Point is, they do their battle, get flung into a rock and Haggar opens up a wormhole. So at this point he says “We have to make sure we get Shiro back.” (Well there's this little conversation prior to this line, but it doesn't pertain to my point.)

Hunk: “But Shiro isn't Shiro anymore.”

Keith says he knows, but it's almost exasperated. Like, sure he could have taken that tone because it was obvious, or he could have taken the tone because he knew well before they did. He says “But something is wrong with him, the Galra or Lotor have to be behind it.” Weird right? Because if he had visions for two years, he should have been able to piece things together, right? Maybe not because there's two bad guys right now. Lotor and Haggar (which would currently be classified under as Galra). So sure, he's had visions, but it's like being handed 5 different ingredients to a meal and telling someone “cook whatever with just this”. If you hand those same 5 ingredients to someone else, there's a good chance they won't come up with the same menu. So, maybe Keith was able to piece together most of it, but pinpointing which bad guy was responsible for which scene (ingredient) could be trickier for him.

So after their little chit chat, Keith goes on to say: “We all know he wouldn't give up on us, we can't give up on him.” Yet, he doesn't say this immediately. He stops, closes his eyes, takes a breath then says it. Why? We know the creators of VLD don't ever put anything in the show without meaning. So why have Keith pause? This action, the looking down, closing your eyes, breathing. It's a way to center our thoughts. He's trying to remain focused, but why? Is it because he feels himself slipping, becoming emotional? I mean, he doesn't look emotional. Or is it because he's trying to re-center himself within the timeline of the visions he remembers?

Why does he have to recenter himself within the timeline of visions? Maybe something is missing! Maybe he was unable to piece together why the other Paladins weren't by his side during his battle with Shiro. Maybe he thought they gave up on Shiro. Maybe this part of the timeline wasn't revealed to him (this part being the fact that only Keith gets through the wormhole), so he felt that he needed to reassure them that Shiro was worth saving.

Now, look at Keith’s shift when he yells disband. All that coolness from earlier, the calm collectedness he had is gone, and he legitimately looks like something has clicked. He gets it. He understands why they aren't there during the battle, because the only one who can make it through the wormhole is him. He goes from calm to confident in a second. And although his facial features change when the speed is intense, he doesn't look scared or nervous. Just in pain. Like he legit knows he's going to make it, it's just taking a lot of exertion on his body to do so, but he has no doubt he will get through. Why? There should be a glimmer of doubt unless he knew otherwise.

Except of course when he comes out the other side of the wormhole and is met with a fleet of Galra battle cruisers. Oops. Guess that part wasn't in the vision. Oooor maybe it was. He literally effortlessly glides through that. The Black Lion isn't at full capacity with its broken thruster, and yet he GLIDES through the line of fire, almost as if he's done it before. So why the face of surprise? Let's be honest. Someone could tell you “oh, there's like a thousand bees over there. Look I took a picture even.” But then you go over there and seeing a thousand bees can be intimidating face to face. Or, maybe he's surprised because he recognizes it instantly. Like “Oh, right. Seen this part before.” This would also make sense, if he didn't know why the other Paladins weren't around for the fight. As in, he missed a vision from two seconds earlier, but now it's one of his visions again.

Even Ezor turns around and is like “Wow, I can't believe he made it through that.” Maybe she's talking about the wormhole, or maybe she's talking about the fleet of Galra battle cruisers.

His mini battle with Acxa kind of proves my point further. He has been Lion-less for over 2 years. Sure, it could be like riding a bike, but his moves are so precise, you know, almost like he knows what's going to happen!

Also, he flies right to the ship and to the area where Shiro, Lotor, Ezor and Zethrid are. How did he know where they went in the middle of a fleet of ships, while distracted by Acxa? (As a side note…. I love Ezor’s line of “Is it broken?” *poke* *poke*. She's so damn cute I can't take it.)

Now, I personally think Keith does not believe this is a linear timeline. I think he truly believes he can alter what he saw somehow. So at this point Acxa has grabbed his attention again. He says “Think. Think. How are we going to get in?” If he truly believes he can change this timeline, at this point he could really be trying to avoid the next part from happening.

Now things are going to get intense and I'm going to cry… again.

“Shiro…. Shiro come in! I don't know what's wrong, but I know we can fix this.” Listen to that desperation! Still stuck on him not knowing? Him just being more mature? Spent so much time with his mother he adapted her calmness in moments of crisis? I disagree. He's begging. Keith is legitimately begging. He knows where this is leading, and he's pulling a last call to try to stop it before it goes there. We know he saw a part of the fight in a vision. We know that much. He has to know where this is going. “Let me help you.”

But wait…. Acxa has locked his position. He knows she's on his tail. Why isn't he moving out of the way? He's given her a clear line on his position. Keith is an ace pilot. He can maneuver and have a conversation. Why isn't he? Because Shiro is more important? Sure we could go with that, or because he knows she won't fire. He saw she doesn't fire.

At this point he turns his attention towards Black. Look at his face. Listen to the sound of his tone. He's accepted this is going to happen. His facial expression is bitter acceptance. Bitter acceptance in the manner that he knows it's going to happen, but it doesn't mean he has to be happy about it. “I know you're hurting. We just need to keep it together a little longer.” He said we. We need to keep it together a little longer. He's hurting too. He knows what's about to happen. How could he not. He's not only telling Black, he's telling himself.

At this point we have a focus shift. The virus shuts down the Castle of Lions, it's panic, but let's focus on what little amount of Krolia we can see. When Pidge gets the systems fixed for all of like 3 seconds, Krolia remains rigid. As if she knows it's not going to last. This could be a stretch, sure. I mean, maybe she's just rigid from the panic, but when the systems fail again, you can see her face. It's detailed. She's worried, but distant. She's not worried about herself or the crew. Distant look implores us to believe she's worried about someone or something that's not present. Keith. Shiro. Their battle. If Keith saw Krolia’s past, it's safe to assume Krolia was able to see Keith’s future. At first, I wondered if this was only when they were touching, but it appears not. If we go back and look at Episode 2 again, there is a point, on the space whale, where Krolia sees a young Keith over his father’s gravestone. At this point Krolia is not touching Keith. She's across the way sitting next to the fire with Keith on the other side sleeping, or at least laying down. So it's easy to assume the memories and future visions are shared between the two of them every time the time collapses.

Ok, skipping over the Lotor/Honerva and switchers (Yup. Doing it. Zethrid, Acxa and Ezor shall now be known as the switchers) scene, it's unrelated (though… woah Lotor you sneaky bastard).

Next we see Keith has found an abandoned shuttle pod. He tracks the footsteps. And his face. It says it all. “This is it. It's time.” The pure definition of determination. He's ready. It's happening. There's nothing he can do or say at this point. The time has come.

He even walks with purpose. But here's another thought. When he no longer has footprints to follow, how does he know where to go? He takes a lift and goes exactly where Shiro is. How did he know unless he saw it?

There's a lot of facial expressions talk for the next few scenes. So first he enters the room with a surprised look on his face. This could be from a “where am I?” in a sense of visions showed him nothing, or with my theory this could be a “Wow, it's exactly as the vision showed me.”

The next facial expression is back to determination, which leads me to believe the surprised look was more of a “Wow, exactly as my vision.” If he were lost or unsure of himself he wouldn't have switched to determination so quickly and suddenly.

Now, the determination expression could also be confusion. If he's confused, it could really just be him thinking “Ok, I'm here, but where is Shiro? This is where I'm supposed to be, but I don't see him.”

Next he seems genuinely surprised. He places a hand on the clone pod, and one by one they all light up. This very well could have not been part of a vision based on his reaction. Sure, the pods were there during the battle, therefore there during his vision, but it could have been background, and he could have been far more focused on the battle with Shiro as opposed to what was around him.

But, “Hello Keith” is in his vision. If we go back to Episode 2, those words are in it. At this point Keith turns. He kind of looks surprised but I interpret the look more as a “Oh no.” So at this point, we know for a fact Keith has seen this. We don't know how much of this he has seen. The entire thing? Just parts? We don't know. We do know he's seen from this point and at least part of the battle based on what was shown to us from episode 2.

In the vision from episode 2 we hear the following words. “Hello Keith.” “Yes. I know.”

“It's going to be ok, we just have to get back to the castle.” “Shiro!!!!!”

and “....are not going anywhere.”

Which, if we're following it in sequence, means he saw the entire before-the-fight-sequence, but also more. The beginning of the fight Keith does not yell Shiro. The words were all spoken before Shiro goes in for attack.

Next scene, Pidge to the rescue in the worst way. Also not pertinent to this, but something I would like to touch base on some other time.

Battle ensues between Keith and Shiro, but Keith isn't fighting. At least not at first. Keith is strictly defending. At least until his helmet comes off. The punch hits him hard, maybe he whacks his head on the way down. His Galra is showing. (kek). It isn't until his Galra side comes out that he starts fighting back. This could be because he doesn't want to hurt Shiro, or because he's still holding out hope that the timeline isn't linear.

“That's the Keith I remember.” Seems to spark something in Keith and bring back his human side, and once again he starts avoiding attacks and defending. No longer on the offense.

When Shiro knocks down a tower, and Keith starts talking to him by saying “Shiro.” Is this the Shiro from Episode 2? It's hard to tell. This Shiro call sounds more raw vocally, than the vision. So, let's move on, pretty sure this is not it.

Now, I know this was touched upon by someone else, but here’s another take, Keith’s lack of reaction to Shiro’s hurtful words. “And I should have abandoned you, just like your parents did. They saw that you were broken. Worthless. I should have seen it too.” If Keith had been able to hear these words in any of the visions, he could have already dealt with the pain they caused. He could have already spoken with Krolia about it. She has already told him he was the most important thing to her. So I believe he's already dealt with that pain, and been reassured of its falseness by Krolia herself.

Ooh, another time Keith yells Shiro. At this point Shiro is… well I'm not really sure what's happening. His hand is connecting with the Galra tech and turning into a giant laser? Well, whatever the case may be, this sounds more like the Shiro yelled in ep 2. So, this implies Keith’s first and only on screen vision was from before the battle to this point. Keep in mind, the creators would not include an in depth vision in episode 2, but leave hints. They didn't want to give away the fight entirely.

Now, the next set of scenes depicts Shiro destroying the base. There are times where Keith seems surprised, but ironically, he knows when to jump out of the way of a falling piece without looking up to see it. How would he know to jump out of the way? He's already seen this all happen. He's pretty banged up, sure, but just because he knows what's happening before it happens, doesn't mean it's less painful either physically or mentally. Remember, we are basing this on a linear timeline. So regardless, certain things are going to occur.

He lands on a ledge, catches his breath for a moment and immediately looks in the direction of his blade, like he already knew where it had landed. He's determined. He knows he has to get to it. He knows it's the only way to end the battle, but his body is exhausted. Far too much exertion.

He doesn't make it till the last second, but does manage to grab it before Shiro’s killing blow. Next we fans all die a little. We all know the line. “Shiro, please. You're my brother. I love you.” That's a whole different subject for a different time. (Can't even describe how difficult it is to not touch on this right now, but it's not pertinent to my point.) So Shiro proceeds to tell Keith that the castle and Paladins are gone. Why doesn't Keith react? Sure he's using all his strength to hold off Shiro from cutting his head clean off, but he should have had some sort of reaction unless he knew it wasn't true! He saw it wasn't true.

Now, there's a chance that he does react. That the news is what wakes up his Galra side, but I don't really think so. It's several moments after Shiro’s words that Keith reacts. If we look at just moments before when Keith was punched, we can use this as a safe assumption of what causes his Galra side to wake up. Pain. He's being burned by Shiro’s blade. Boom. Galra side is awake.

So, with the Galra power awakening, Keith gains strength and cuts off Shiro’s arm. The camera pans to his face. Oh gosh. The feels are too strong. Keith is the definition of regret right now, but is it just regret that he's hurt Shiro, or is it regret for more. Regret he couldn't stop this before it got to this point. It's a horrible thing.

They fall, but his face. Oh that agonizing face. What's this tell us? He didn't want it to be like this, but he's not giving up. He could be not giving up because it was a promise Shiro made that he needs to reciprocate, or maybe he already knows Shiro will come back to him.

Flashbacks. End episode 5. Aaaah.

Nope. Not done yet. Hah. You thought that was it?

Season 6, Episode 6: All Good Things

This episode starts off strong. And confusing for my theory, but things still work, I promise. The visions from Episode 2 are never inclusive of thoughts that we can see. They tend to be themselves during the visions/memories. So why does Keith look surprised and sound surprised by Shiro’s words in the black lion? Because, technically, that never actually happens. It's in Keith’s mind (well actually Black’s mind). So because it doesn't occur on a physical plane, it is not shown in his visions, thus he is surprised by Shiro.

This also relates back to my theory of Keith having known. He seems unsure now. Out of nowhere. He's reacting how we would expect Keith to react when Shiro stole Lotor. He's angry, scared, nervous, anxious. What happened to our calm, collected and determined Keith? Where'd he go? Could it be because Keith never had a vision of this. He wasn't prepared for this? I really believe so.

But what about when he says “The others. You said… you…” And then glowy Shiro appears behind him and Keith turns, interrupting himself. This leads us to believe that Keith didn't know the others were going to be ok after all, right? I disagree. So far, Keith has been very aware of every moment. Things have been very linear, but he's done everything he can to try to change it. This was never in his visions, and now he's doubting them. Now he's wondering if he did change things, and that fear that maybe things aren't linear anymore is taking hold, and Keith is Keith once more. Sporadic. Moody. Easily angered Keith.

“I died Keith.” Surprise! Keith didn't know this either, even with my theory. Because again, he was only being shown things that happened on a physical plane. So if we take this scene out entirely, and pretend it didn't happen, it would still be difficult for Keith to piece that information together unless specifically told so on the physical realm.

Back to calm and collected Keith now. Things are back to normal, visions are back in sync? Notice how he doesn't tell any of the crew that Shiro died. He just says that the other Shiro is a clone. So if he had a vision of this part, he still wouldn't have known Shiro was really dead, thus the shock when he found out.

Almost half an episode not pertaining to this post later, and we have Krolia asking Coran if setting a bomb off in the main turbine is a good idea. Keep in mind, if Krolia and Keith had experienced future visions, she could be nervous at this point that this is where the Castle of Lions gets destroyed. If the visions were not shown to them in a linear fashion, but random fragments, there's the possibility that she doesn't really know exactly when or how the Castle of Lions is destroyed. But if you also notice, she doesn't seem too surprised that his theory worked, just relieved.

Back to Keith. After unlocking the Black Lion’s thruster wings and making it back to the team. Keith says “Now hurry, we don't have much time. Form Voltron.” I mean, this could be an educated guess. Maybe he just assumes that Lotor will be up and moving quickly, but look at his face. Again. Self assurance. Self confidence. He knows.

Season 6, Episode 7: Defender of All Universes

The battle with Lotor. Ok, trying to make this a quick synapses as opposed to going attack per attack, otherwise this will result in another Episode 5 length segment lol. So, Keith is making some great calls during this battle, quick on defense, quick on the offense calls, but what really struck me was when he yells “move”. Is that Shiro telling him? Or is that him remembering? Or is his reaction time (after two years of peaceful waiting) that good?

Ok, what about when Lotor teleports (for the first time)? Well, if we look at Kieth’s face here, he's the only one that isn't showing an expression. He's blank. Completely blank. Almost like he's trying to recall what happens next. He looks over right before the portal appears though, why before if he didn't know?

Next scene shows Krolia staring at the pod that Shiro is being put in by Coran. Her face. It's of betrayal, pain and yet relief. She knows too.

Voltron and quintessence scene was next, yanno, after Voltron got the snot kicked out of him. I mean, there's only so much they could have done, even with Keith knowing what was going to happen. Voltron was infinitely slower than Lotor’s suit. But anyways, on topic here. Keith says it's the only way, they have to try to enter the quintessence field to win. Everyone else has trepidation or nerves, but not Keith. He knows.

In the quintessence field Keith seems surprised once more, but only after his “we did it look.” This could be because maybe, the quintessence field isn't exactly a physical plane of existence. I mean it is the plane between existences, so perhaps it falls into the same category as Black’s consciousness. Or maybe it is considered a physical plane, and he's just caught up by its intensity. I mean, a infinite space full of power? Who wouldn't get caught up in the moment?

So after the battle, and the Castle of Lions is destroyed Keith says “We need to find somewhere to land to see if we can help Shiro.” He seems calm, but not necessarily knowing. It's hard to tell with this scene. I feel it would be easier if they showed his facial expression, but they simply showed Shiro.

Now Keith admits that Shiro’s soul is in Black, but heard out of context there's a good possibility that, if Keith had seen this as a vision on the space whale, that it was misinterpreted. Maybe he thought that somehow they transferred his spirit there to save him because the clone body was barely alive. We have to think about those ingredients again. They've been handed to Keith randomly, and he can't be entirely certain what he's required to make. What order he's supposed to put them in.

I must point out here, that this scene focuses a lot on Lance’s grief, panning away from Keith, so it's difficult to really tell what Keith is thinking or what he looks like at the point Allura walked up to the Black Lion to rescue Shiro’s soul.

At some point the scene pans to the Paladins watching Allura. Everyone has their eyes wide and their mouth hung… except for Keith. His mouth is open, but his eyes are not wide. We know wide eyes is an expression Keith takes often. So it's not like a shocked expression would be out of place on his face either. So why aren't his eyes wide in shock. He knows what's happening. His eyes are squinted slightly, as if expressing a relieved “finally”.

Keith does look surprised and hopeful when it works, but if we look at Krolia, she's smiling and doesn't even flinch a single bit (unlike Romelle) when the Green Lion roars behind her.

And to testify for my cause more, Keith looking surprised and hopeful, keep in mind what Keith has experienced in life. Things can being going perfectly for him and suddenly everything is in pieces. It's a mindset he's used to expecting, why would this be any different. Sure, based on my theory, he's seen the outcome, and thus far everything has been true, but Keith is the universe’s punching bag. He's privy to this, he always expects the worst, and I'm not surprised he would wait with bated breath for the validity of this part of his visions.

While we've spoken about his facial expression. The ending. (Wait... is that my heart glue!?) Look at Keith's face now. Totally different. Relief. Happiness. He's back to looking at Shiro how he used to. How he hasn't since before the space whale. He knew. He had to have known.

Aaaand end! Well of my points from the episodes.

In summary, I truly believe Keith and Krolia have seen every moment on the physical plane of both their pasts and their futures up until this point. I can't quite tell how much farther past the end of Season 6 they have seen, but with the grin on Kieth’s face at the end of the episode, he definitely knows something we don't know. I can't wait to see if this theory is true, and I would love to hear what others think of my theory. If you totally disagree please share with me! I would love to hear other people's theories, or even examples on why my theory is bogus. Bring it on!

And, if you've made it this far. OMG I love you. I love you. I love you. Special kudos and Web cookies for you.

Thanks for reading! :D

[kitten1618x]

So Many Spoilers And Yet, Jonsa Is Still Endgame

Okay my loves. Everyone close your eyes and take a deep, calming breath. Better? No? Well then, let's continue ...

It seems that no matter where you turn, the internet has been brimming with GoT spoilers. Some seem plausible, some utterly ridiculous, others written like straight up fanfiction. Since then, my inbox has been flooded with nervous Jonsa shippers, and while I would love to answer each one of you individually, I'm only one person. That doesn't mean you should stop sending me asks -at the risk of repeating myself, I've just decided to compile all of my current thoughts here.

Here's your warning right now that this post contains SPOILERS. Whether or not they are factual spoilers, remains to be seen.

Something smells funny

The whole way this leaks situation has unfurled is quite ...odd. Supposed spoilers of the whole season have been available on Reddit for months now, and yet HBO was mum about the whole thing until just a few days ago. Now they are claiming to have been hacked (which I actually do believe), yet they only confirm that episode 4's script was hacked. I've seen it, and it seems plausible -yet it was only one scene (is the entire episode going to be just one scene??). Why they still haven't spoken about the rest of the alleged leaks seems silly to me -especially since so far they have lined up with the show we've seen -minus context, of course. It would be so simple (especially in light of the recent hack job) to just release a public statement -"yeah, we fucked up but we're stepping up security." WHY WON'T THEY ADDRESS THE LEAKS? We all know they know that they're out there. Just something for you to marinate on.

Boatbang

So I'm not going to mince words. I've already stated on several occasions that I'm 97% sure that boatbang is going to happen (although the percentage varies, I'm still pretty positive it's inevitable). I know it's disheartening for Jonsa shippers, because on some level we feel like Jon is being unfaithful to Sansa, but in reality he's not. Sansa is his half-sister. We know it to be otherwise, but the characters do not. Until that little nugget drops, prepare for this ship to go submarine mode -as in humming just under the water's surface (torpedoes armed and ready to sink the SS Targcest).  

Why Jon, why?

There are several things to consider here. Dany is an attractive woman, and Jon is not blind -she's also not his sister. Yes, yes, we know she's his aunt -but again, he doesn't. If he's injured and she saves his life (depending on what leaks you believe, I suppose -yes, several versions are floating around) -he may feel gratitude to her -or sympathy if she lost one of her "dragon children" saving his life. There's also the Targ connection which might be mistaken for something deeper than just familial, and that whole pesky incest gene working against him.

My personal opinion is it will be good old fashioned lust. So here's this lovely woman, with powerful Dragons who agrees to help him in his cause. They just got their asses kicked and are facing some pretty grim odds here -he very well may die, poor boys been fighting all his damn life, now he's getting squicky strange urgings for his own "sister", and he's only been laid once in his life! Hell, I'd fuck her too! Especially if I wouldn't be breaking my little "no bastards" vow, and the girl claimed to be barren from a witches curse.

One argument I keep hearing is that it would be so ooc for Jon to do this. Sure, I guess it would. Now take everything I just mentioned above and apply it here. Makes for a better argument, huh? I refuse to fault Jon for having a sexual tryst when he's essentially a free man and could very well just be starved for some simple human affection. If you would hold this against him, it's really just silly.

The bastard who's actually a Prince

Supposedly, the scene of Rhaegar and Lyanna's "legitimate" wedding is going to play immediately after the boatbang concludes -much like the reveal of Jon's true parentage immediately following the Jonsa ramparts scene. You remember, the one where Jon kisses Sansa's forehead for like 20 minutes and then glances down at her lips like he wants to suck her face off? Yeah, that scene that screamed !siblings! 

Now, I've seen people speculating (ahem, the other ship) this is meant to show the audience how J/D are star-crossed lovers, and they're meant to be (and if I shipped them, I'd try to convince myself this as well). But really, it's showing that Jon, the TRUE heir to the Iron Throne has just become his Auntie D's rival, not lover.

Come on, you all know some sort of Targbowl is on the horizon. Through all her loss and heartache, what has kept Dany going? Her claim to the IT. She was born to rule the 7k's ("and she will"). Do you think she'll let Jon and his little pecker stand in the way?

Drogo was her one true love. Remember Dany's visions when she was in the House of the Undying? Of the snowy IT in the destroyed throne room, that was just out of reach, and then of Drogo and Rhaego on the other side of the wall? It makes me feel like Dany will die on the other side of the wall, and that's when she'll be reunited with her family -in the meantime, they wait in purgatory. But, that's a meta for another day.

But I feel like this (below) -the words the witch spoke to her, has something to do with the Long Night and being reunited with Drogo again, in death (the afterlife).

"When the sun rises in the west, sets in the east, when the seas go dry. When the mountains blow in the wind like leaves".

The wall falling? The snow and ice from the mountain would blow in the wind like leaves .... But again, another day for that -back to the topic at hand.

Who's the REAL red herring?

On one hand, we have a very rushed "romance" between two virtual strangers. One of them is currently holding the other against their will ...gosh, this is soooo romantic!  If that was my ship, I'd be kinda pissed. Yeah, they're going to get a sex scene -let them have it. We have endgame.

On the other hand, we have a very slow burn romance simmering in the background. We have ALL the subtle beauty of season 6, and that belligerent sexual tension at the start of this season. If you're shipping them, it's obvious you've seen it too, so I really don't have to list it all -but my GOD, romance tropes GALORE! Slip in all the Ned/Cat parallels, and the exquisite beauty that was the crypt scene with LF ...I mean, come on guys? Do I really have to break this all down for you?

Need more examples? Okay, how about the Tyrion convo in the last episode? Totally appropriate for him to ask Jon about Sansa's wellbeing -so what do we make of the whole "sham and unconsummated" bit that was completely unnecessary if all they wanted to establish to the GA is that Sansa is clever. I sound like a broken record, but if anyone can explain to me how that furthers the narrative in any way, I'm all ears and my inbox is open.

To put it quite simply -it doesn't! But, you can try ....as I said, my inbox is open.

It was solely to remind us of the crypt scene, and Jon's odd behavior concerning Sansa. Just as her cloak on his shoulders -the cloak that he wasn't wearing when he arrived on Dragonstone (nor was he or Davos carrying it) miraculously appeared when he was brooding on the cliffs about what a fool he was. A cookie for anyone who guesses who he was thinking about -maybe the one who told him this was a trap? As he's trapped there now, since Dany took his boat.

And if we didn't already know that Jon will bring Sansa up with Theon next ep., I would have told you that she would come up -as she will when Jon meets the Hound as well. Why? Because the writers want to remind us not to forget about her. They want us to know that she's in the back of Jon's mind through all of this. I wouldn't be surprised if we hear her speak of him more as well. Of course, we never really know what's going on with Sansa, because the people who release the leaks are all closeted J/D shippers.

But let's remember that a red herring is something BLATANT. Ya know, like a rushed romance that's RIGHT IN YOUR FACE -not a submarine simmering under the waves.

Sansa is not Jon's second choice

I'm really tired of hearing this, tbh. If you can't see that these Ned/Cat parallels are meant to show that Sansa and Jon already have that established love and trust factor that Ned and Cat built, then you're willfully blind.

Could a political marriage be what initially puts them together -sure. But with all the clues you've been given from the writers, do you think that they don't already feel the stirrings of love for each other? I mean, it's awkward and odd, but it's there. Clearly, we've only really been shown this through Jon so far, but I'm willing to bet we'll start getting some clues from Sansa by early next season (or maybe even late this season). Remember Bran has not revealed Jon's parentage to anyone, yet. If they were just going to throw them together politically and loveless, then there would be no reason for them to waste precious time (as we're coming to the end and every little bit we see matters) laying the groundwork for a romantic subplot -they'd just do it.

It kind of blows my mind that the same people who say that Jon would never sleep with someone he didn't have some sort of feelings for, thinks he'd enter into a loveless marriage -to sleep with someone he doesn't have feelings for? They'll need heirs after all. You see what I just did there?  ;)

Come on guys, this is Jon

How do you think he's going to react when he finds out he slipped one in his aunt? Probably about as shitty and ashamed as he feels right now, harboring unnatural feelings for his "sister". He's not going to be like -ahh fuck it, I'm half Targ. No biggie! This is Jon-motherfucking-Snow!! He may not be Ned's son, but Stark blood runs through his veins, and he is indeed, a Stark.

Jonsa is endgame. We all know what we saw. There's millions of words worth of metas floating all around Tumblr about it. Casual viewers have seen it. People who don't ship it, have seen it. My husband (who hates it), has seen it. Reviewers have seen it.

It's intentionally subtle, but it's there.

REMEMBER THAT LEAKS LACK ACTUAL CONTEXT!!!

I think I've covered everything, but EVERYONE, please reblog and add your own supporting evidence.

RELAX. Take that collective chill I keep talking about, and find your zen. Enjoy the show. Remember why you started watching it in the first place -it wasn't for Jonsa. Find the silver lining and enjoy Kit's naked bits (because ffs I intend to)!!

Oh, and if I haven't made myself perfectly clear ...Jonsa is endgame, it is known, spread the word. ❤️

[artificialqueens]

nostalgia in reverse: part one (thorcid) - featherpluckn

AN: This is a fic I’ve been marinating on and planning for a while now. I’ve always wanted to write a story inspired by the Stevie Nicks song, “Love Is”. If you’re interested in seeing where this fic is going, listen to this song. I apologize in advance.

I decided to do something a little AU with Thorgy still as a drag queen and Acid as a photographer. Bob makes a cameo in this first chapter but out of drag so I used his boy name.

Summary: Reverse Nostalgia - The odd feeling you get when you realize you are in a moment of time you will later feel nostalgic for…

Spring

Jamin didn’t mean to turn into the kind of person who needs to run a few miles every day to feel complete. It started as way to get off of the couch. A way to lose those pesky ten pounds age and slowing metabolism have made particularly stubborn.

The more he ran though, the more he craved the early morning solitude. Especially, since spring had finally graced Brooklyn with its presence. The early morning air is still brisk but the shining sun warms his face and it is such a freeing feeling.  

Jamin’s street is lined with trees blooming in shades of pink and white. His neighbor’s window boxes have exploded in purple and yellow. The cafes he runs past have sprouted umbrella topped tables outside that are fussed over by tired looking servers setting up for a rush of people looking for caffeine and carbs.

He’s loathe to admit the changing weather puts him in a good mood. The new season makes him wish he could bring along his camera and shoot mid-stride. He wants to try to capture this feeling to look at when the gray, slushy cold days of winter return.

This time of day means there isn’t much traffic crawling through the streets. He can retreat into a world where all he has to worry about is the dual burning in his lungs and legs, and the pulsing electronic beats in his ears. Out here on the street is where he meditates, and he lives for it.

*

Jamin is in special need of his respite early one Tuesday morning. It seemed like he had been editing the same set of five photographs all night. They just wouldn’t come together, and he finally decided to stop fiddling with them before he threw his computer through the window.

He was too jacked on Red Bulls to go to sleep and even though the sun had not quite risen and it was almost two hours earlier than his usual run, he slipped on his sneakers and headed out.

Jamin is mumbling along to the song in his earbuds when he hits his stride. He knows there is an uneven bit of cement coming up so he looks down to check how close he is to it. It only takes a split second, but when he looks back up it’s too late to stop himself from running into the person coming the other way.

The impact knocks them both back on their asses. Jamin keeps the back of his head from smacking into the pavement, but his elbows are what stop his fall and, fuck, that’s going to hurt later.

Before he can even peel himself off the pavement, the stranger is crawling towards him. The person is wearing a short colorful sequined dress, acid-washed ripped jacket, a battered pair of Toms, and their dreads are tied up on top of their head with a faded floral scarf.

The contour is fading but the heavy eyeliner, overdrawn lips, and painted freckles give away the drag queen probably coming home from a gig.

“Oh my god! Are you okay? I’m soooo sorry I ran into you. Even though, you were technically the one running. I’m never even on my phone usually. Ugh! Do you need first aid? I’ve taken the course but I’m technically not certified anymore but how much can it change really? I mean…just don’t let them die, you know what I mean?”

As their rambling comes to an end with a giggle, Jamin slowly pulls himself up to a sitting position.

“Are you hurt?”

“Ummm, I’m okay. I think my elbows are just scraped up. You really should watch whe-”

He is stopped mid-sentence by the sound of a bag being unceremoniously tipped out onto the sidewalk. What is apparently the person’s glasses land on top of the pile.

“Maybe I should have been wearing these. I would have seen you coming.”

The queen cackles and Jamin can’t stop himself from letting out an amused snort.

“I’m Shane, by the way.”

“Jamin.”

Shane starts rifling through the detritus in front of him but looks up suddenly and smiles.

“Ohhhh! I love your name! Sorry I ran into you, Jamin.”

Before Jamin has time to process the cute eye-crinkling smile Shane sends his way, the other man bends back over the open bag in front of him. He sifts through a patterned pair of pants, rhinestone covered pumps, two pieces of the same huge curly wig and finally unearths a pack of baby wipes.

“Woo! I knew they were in here somewhere.”

“You have a baby in that bag too?”

The queen giggles. “Nooooooo. They aren’t just for babies’ butts. They get out everything. Plus, it’s the only thing I have to clean up those elbows. We don’t want you getting tetanus or salmonella or whatever the fuck is on this sidewalk.”

Shane sits crossed legged right there in the middle of the damn pavement and takes Jamin’s arm gently in his hands.

Shane grimaces and bites his lip. “I’m not sure if this is going to sting or not. I’ve never used these to clean out a cut.”

“I can take it.”

“I bet you can.” Shane winks and sets to cleaning up the scrape on Jamin’s arm.

The intake of breath definitely comes from the cold wipe hitting his raw skin and not the flirty comment.

Shane sets to his task with the utmost concentration. His pink tongue pokes out a little while he tries to remove all the dirt from around the wounds. He leans back admiring his work when he’s done and then blows across the skinned area. Jamin starts a little at the unexpected sensation and Shane stops immediately.

“I’m sorry. Was that not okay? My mom used to do it all of the time. It always made me feel better but I’m not sure it has any legitimate medical purpose.”

“No. I mean, yeah it’s fine.”

Their eyes meet. Jamin isn’t sure what to think of the person in front of him. The situation is surprisingly intimate for two people who randomly ran into each other on the street. But he can’t say it’s bothering him. It really is fine and it is so not like him to be this accommodating to a complete fucking stranger.

“Good.”

Shane grins and digs through what is left in his bag pulling out a handful of loose Band-Aids.

“I think these might match your sneakers.”

Shane unwraps the bandages and Jamin can see they are bright neon pink and orange. He tries his best to cover the majority of the scrapes and sits back to admire his work.

“Looking good. Let me clean the other side and I’ll get out of your hair.”

Jamin makes a noise of agreement but while Shane once again starts to clean around his wounds all he can think of is how much he kind of wants to know more about a drag queen who carries an apartment worth of stuff around on his shoulder.

The feeling blindsides him. It has been a long time since he’s had the desire to get to know someone outside of a one-night stand, and even longer since anything remotely resembling a relationship. But there is something charming and magnetic about Shane, even in crusty half drag at sunrise. All he can think of as he looks down at the man’s long legs covered in ripped fishnets is what they look like under there. What does he do when he’s not entertaining drunk people in a bar for tips?  

Shane had just finished placing two more Band-Aids over the final scrapes when Jamin clears his throat.

“So, look…um…I don’t do this very often but is there any way I can have your number?”

The other man looks up slowly, mouth slightly open and eyes wide.

“A-Are you ser…What?….Of course. Sure!”

“Really?”

“Yes! I almost killed you. I probably look like an extra from The Walking Dead at this point in my night and you still ask for my number? And you’re a motherfucking cutie?” Shane scoffs loudly. “How can I say no?”

Jamin wraps his earbuds around his phone and hands it to Shane before he can change his mind. He punches in his number quickly and hands it back.

“Thorgy?”

Shane gestures around his face before answering. “Drag name. I figured you would be less likely to forget me that way.”

Jamin shakes his head and holds up his bandaged elbows. “I think you took care of that already.”

Shane starts digging through the pile of stuff on the cement and what’s left in his bag presumably looking for his phone. After a string of curses, he ends up handing Jamin an eyebrow pencil and what looks like a Subway receipt to write down his number.  

The two say their good-byes and Jamin takes off for his apartment once more, trying to make sense of the inexplicably strong feelings he has for a practical stranger.

**

When Shane gave Jamin his number, he didn’t think he would actually contact him.

It took two days for Jamin to text him, but he did.

Shane saved Jamin’s number in his contacts as Sidewalk Booty with no less than ten peach emojis because he may not have seen him coming, but he definitely saw him leaving.

The two decided to go out the following Friday after texting back and forth about the state of Jamin’s elbows for far too long but all he can think about throughout the exchange is how much he doesn’t know about the other man. He agreed to go out with someone he met on the street.

It isn’t a booty call and it isn’t a one night stand.

There will be eye contact and conversation and a whole night of putting himself out there. He breaks out in a sweat just thinking about it, but Jamin seemed genuinely nice with such a cute smile and beautiful eyes.

So, instead of blowing him off or pretending like he has plans he forgot about, he tells him to pick the place and text him the details.

Shane is proud of himself for exactly three minutes before he begins to freak the fuck out.

He recognizes the feeling and needs to find a way to center himself before his train of thought throws him completely off track.

He needs to find his happy place.

He needs to call Chris.

*

An hour later the two friends are in Shane’s favorite thrift shop. It has everything anyone could ever want all packed onto circular racks and hanging from hooks on every available surface. There are plenty of decisions to make so he doesn’t have to focus on the real life date he has in a few days.

The two shoot the shit about gigs for twenty minutes but the whole time Shane can feel Chris’ eyes on him. He knows his voice sounded shaky and high-pitched when he called him. He was stupid to think his best friend wouldn’t pick up on it.

They get through three racks of clothes before Chris finally gets it out of him, like Shane knew he would.  

“Okay, bitch. Spill. What has you all worked up?”

When Shane finishes going through the whole ordeal with Jamin, from the run-in to the walk-off to the impending date, Chris slowly puts the dress he was holding up to his body back on the rack, sighs heavily, and rubs his temples.

“So. Let me get this straight. You plow this guy down at the asscrack of dawn in a dress with Thorgy still all over your face, kiss his boos-boos, and he asks for your number?”

“I didn’t kiss his boos-boos.” Shane mumbles under his breath.

“Irrelevant. My point is, we’re all out here Tindring and Grindring and cruising hard for trade at the bar, and the bitch who can’t even figure out how to screenshot runs into someone on the goddamn street. Un-fucking-believable!”

“What exactly is Gr-”

“Who, if you are to be believed, is a gorgeous set of cheekbones with an immaculate ass?”

“Yes. That is all true but I don’t even know his last name or where he works or if he’s a serial killer who’s going to chain me up to his radiator and make me live off of Mountain Dew and Fruit Loops!”

“Oh my god! I told you to stop watching that true crime channel.” Chris makes his way around the rack of clothes shaking his head. He takes Shane by the shoulders and looks him dead in the eyes. “I love you, Shane. You are one of my best, good friends but you have to stop being afraid of things you haven’t planned down to the last detail. Sometimes life happens in the chaos. Let life happen to you.”

He’s right. Chris is right.

Being cautious is one thing, but letting it keep him from something that could possibly bring a little bit of joy into his life is ludicrous.

Shane takes a deep breath and pulls in Chris for a tight hug. “Thank you for talking louder than the voices in my head.”

“Well, don’t say I never did anything for you. Oh, but do me a favor please? At the very least, get yourself laid for Christ’s sake. What’s it been, two years?”

Shane jerks away with an offended gasp. “I hooked up with that guy two months ago, thank you very much.”

“Someone paying you $300 after a gig to spank them in a hotel room is barely a hook up.”

“There was a candle. It counts.”

**

It was embarrassing how much time Jamin had spent picking out a restaurant. He asked Shane his preferences and his response was less than helpful.

I will literally eat anything. I mean it. Chocolate-covered grasshoppers are delicious.

So, that really didn’t narrow down the choices.

In the end, he decided on a little place his sister had taken him for brunch a few weeks ago. It was a few blocks down from his apartment and he had walked passed it probably a hundred times without realizing what was inside. The restaurant’s exterior was nondescript but the unique setup inside made up for it. There were floor-to-ceiling books on one side surrounding the bar. Dark hardwood floors and reclaimed wood tables made the whole atmosphere cozy. The back seating area was a sunroom with white-washed walls and natural light flooding in through huge windows. There was also a garden patio complete with ivy-covered brick, and quaint little two-top tables perfect for when the weather would become even nicer in the coming months.

Something tells him Shane will appreciate the eclectic nature of the place.

*

Jamin had been nervous all day. He showered and shaved and changed his clothes three times but it was still too early to leave. He didn’t want to seem too eager, but they are meeting at the restaurant so he can always get a drink or two in before Shane gets there. Maybe it will help his nerves.

He is finishing up his second Jameson when Shane walks in precisely five minutes early.

The only thing the same about him is the dreads half tied back on his head. Shane is all boy this time, broad-shouldered and lean wearing a black and white patterned tee underneath a blazer with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows and fitted gray slacks. With his face bare of makeup, Jamin can see he has a jawline to die for and he can make out pretty blue eyes behind his round glasses.

Jamin is so distracted by taking in Shane completely out of drag he doesn’t even notice he’s been staring until Shane raises an eyebrow.

The other man has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face when he says, “Hey! Nice to see you again!”

Jamin laughs at himself a little before responding. “It’s nice to you again too. Sorry. You just look so different from the last time I saw you.”

“Good different?”

“Yes. Yeah, really good different.”

Shane nods and before he looks down at his feet, Jamin can make out his genuine smile and the blush spreading across his cheeks.

“Can I hug you?”

Jamin hears himself say it but doesn’t think it’s really him. Because when’s the last time he asked anyone for a hug?

Honestly, probably never.

He knows he’s smiling with all his teeth too which probably looks a little odd to an innocent bystander but Shane just looks so shy and bashful and sweet at the compliment.

Shane brings his eyes back up and smiles even wider, opening his arms and coming forward.

Jamin is a few inches shorter than Shane so his chin fits right in the crook of his neck. He should be self conscious about the fact Shane can probably feel the sweat on his temple that popped up when he walked in, but he’s too preoccupied by the man’s racing pulse against his cheek.

It’s nice, and it has been a long time since Jamin has had anything nice in his life.

A few seconds after it starts, however, someone clears their throat behind them. Jamin turns to find the hostess trying to hide a smile.

“Sir, your table is ready.”

Jamin lets Shane go and follows the hostess. He gestures with his head for Shane to follow behind them. “C’mon, then.”

He feels Shane put his hand low on his back while they wind their way through the dining area towards their table in the sunroom, and he knows he’s grinning like an idiot again.

The weight of his hand is grounding. It makes him realize this is real. It isn’t some faceless person he’s fantasizing about while he’s trying to fall asleep at night. No matter what happens, he knows if he plays his cards right he could at least make a very good friend out of this.

**

Shane isn’t sure what his expectations had been for this date. Sure, he was hoping he’d have a nice meal with a nice man but even for someone usually so upbeat Shane can’t stop smiling.

As he sits down and opens the menu, he looks over at Jamin doing the same. The man looks absolutely delicious. His faux hawk is styled just so and he’s biting his lip around a piercing that Shane finds himself desperately wanting to know what it feels like to kiss.

It’s hard for Shane to see in himself what others see, but the way Jamin looked at him when he walked in set him on fire.

Even when he’s told himself he is absolutely not hooking up with this guy tonight. Absolutely, under no circumstances, will he give in and bend Jamin over this table right here in front of God and everybody on a Friday night.

He already feels a connection to him and he wants to see where that can go, damnit. Sex can complicate things for Shane. It makes him want to cling onto a person, and he confuses sexual attraction for something deeper.  If what he’s feeling is actually more than lust, everything will fall into place.

Then, and only then, they can fuck like bunnies. He nods his head at himself proud of his decision.

“What?”

“Huh?”

“You were just nodding your head. Did you find something you wanted to eat?”

Shane cackles abruptly because Jamin has no idea what he really wants to eat is him. Jamin starts chuckling too but still has a questioning look on his face.

“Just, um, I was thinking about how nice you look.”

Jamin looks genuinely surprised before he gestures down to himself. “I guess I found a way to make the Dad bod work.” He pulls a silly, wannabe sexy face that makes Shane laugh again.

“Dad bod? Please! I’ve never thought about any dad the way that sweater over those biceps is making me think about you.”

Shane is saved from saying too much more by the server coming over to go over the wine list and specials.

Once the two have ordered they make small talk over a couple of glasses of Shiraz. Shane learns Jamin’s last name, that he is a photographer, and that he cannot stand mayonnaise.

And Shane tells him how he got his drag name, that he plays the violin, and that he is obsessed with mustard.

The conversation flows easily. Even when Shane goes off on a tangent about this absolutely fabulous pair of suede booties he found thrifting the other day and what outfits he could wear them with for his next performance, Jamin looks so interested.

Around the time their meals arrive, the topic shifts. Shane is just taking a bite of his lamb chop when he hears Jamin sigh. He hopes he’s not boring him.

“You don’t like what you ordered? Do you want to switch?”

“No. That was a happy sigh.” He reaches over and grips Shane’s hand. “I just feel like this is going really well and I’m glad.”

“It is. There’s nothing worse than a bad first date.”

“Had a lot of them?”

“Well, no. Not particularly, but I’ve had a couple of doozies.”

Jamin lets go of Shane’s hand and swirls the red wine around in his glass before he asks, “Care to share?”

“No. I mean, yes I’ll share.” Shane giggles a little. “Maybe some joy can come out of my misery.”

Jamin sits back in his chair,  and makes a gesture with his hand for him to get on with it.

“Okay. So, there was this beautiful man that came to a few of my shows that  I enjoyed admiring from across the bar. One of those situations where I know I don’t stand a chance but, fuck! It doesn’t hurt to look, you know what I mean?”

“Nope. No clue because you are delightful.”

“And you are blinded by candlelight and a bottle of Shiraz. Anyway, so it turns out we have a friend of a friend of a mutual friend who ends up introducing us and we decide to go out. On paper he was great. He had a job, personal trainer, and he was coming to pick me up in the car he owned. Everything was setting up to be amazing. Well, he gets there and the first thing he tells me is I have to ride in the backseat because the front one is broken. It was a two door. So, me and all of my five feet of legs have to scrunch up in the backseat.”

He sees Jamin trying to not to spit out the food he just ate and he succeeds, barely.

“Yeah. We get to the restaurant and he eats off my plate. Not like asks if he can eat off of my plate or if he can have some. Just in the middle of a conversation starts eating my chicken parmesan.”

Jamin looks suitably offended on his behalf. “Is this guy for real?”

“It gets better. I was ready to bolt after that but he convinced me to go to a party at a friend’s house that was right up the block. I caved because I’m way too nice sometimes. We get there, he has two shots of Bicardi, and he is gone. The ass is slurring his words and hanging all over me. Ugh! Even people I didn’t know looked like they felt sorry for me.”

“I feel sorry for you, and this was how long ago?”

“A few years ago. Oh, but there’s more. He looks at me with this drunken, serious face and asks if we can go out on the porch to talk and cuddle. Cuddle. At that point, I was already formulating my escape so I figured outside was closer to freedom.”

Jamin laughs so loud the two tables beside of them turned to stare. “Oh my God! This is priceless.”

“So, we go outside and before we can even sit down I pretend like my phone is going off. I told him my dog was sick and got a ride out of there as quick as I could. I don’t even have a dog.”

By that point Shane can’t help it. He is laughing along with Jamin who is wiping tears from his eyes. “That takes so much pressure off of me. Holy shit! I promise not to eat your food.”

“What about you? Do you have a worst first date story? It can’t be as bad as mine.”

“I think the worst part about my dating history is that it’s probably been five years since I’ve even been on a first date.”

“Seriously? I don’t mean anything by that, other than you just seem so, I don’t know, dateable?”

Jamin waves off Shane’s worries, laughing softly. “I get what you mean and yes, at least five years. I was in a relationship with a guy for about four years. We ended up moving in together. I found out a week after arranging our furniture that he had been cheating on me for at least the last six months, and we broke up spectacularly. That was a year ago, and this is the first real date I’ve been on since.”

Shane knows he’s staring. He knows his jaw dropped but he just can’t believe it. He puts down his fork and  looks at Jamin who is trying to make himself smaller. He seems like he’s in another world, sipping his wine and looking at something past Shane’s shoulder.

“Hey” Shane says softly.

Jamin tilts his head slightly and grins crookedly at Shane. “I’m sorry for bringing down the mood.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Thank you.”

“And if it makes you feel any better. My bad first date guy texted me the next week and asked for his money back for the date since he ‘wasted his time’. I texted him ‘fuck off’ and haven’t heard from him since.”

Shane never thought he would be so glad to see someone laughing at something so mortifying.

**

Shane is like no one Jamin has ever met before. He laughs easily and often. There is a sparkle in his eyes that makes it hard to stop staring. He hopes he at least made it look like he wasn’t thinking about kissing the freckles he can see under Shane’s collar because he really didn’t want to be that guy quite yet.

They pick out a dessert to eat together and at least he can say it was shared with explicit permission.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be some scary footnote at the end of another date a few years from now.”

Shane snorted a laugh. “I promise not to stab you with my fork if you help me eat dessert.”

The two men leave the restaurant and walk without any real destination. Jamin kind of doesn’t want the night to end and he hopes Shane feels the same way. He’s trying to work up the courage to ask if he wants to do something else when Shane grabs onto his forearm to stop him.

“Okay. Here’s the deal. I’m going to get an Uber…”

“Did it go that bad?”

“What? Oh my God! No!”

Jamin laughs and shakes his head, running his hand down Shane’s arm. “I’m kidding.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I was just going to say that I’m going to call for a ride because I don’t trust myself around you. Um, I’m really attracted to you….”

“I’m failing to see the problem.”

Shane scrunches his face up and turns to look down the street before he speaks again. “I don’t want to fuck this up and sometimes, well a lot of the time, I jump into bed with someone before I give it a chance to become something more. I don’t want to do that with you.”

Jamin relaxes a little when he realizes what the real issue is. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes. It’s more than okay. I don’t want you to ever feel uncomfortable with me and if you want to go home I’m not going to stop you.”

He sees Shane’s face break out into a smile as he pulls out his phone. It takes a few minutes for him to find a driver but Jamin doesn’t mind. He hasn’t let go of Shane’s arm yet so he’s taking advantage of the gesture.  Plus, he’s really kind of adorable to watch when he’s trying to work technology. With an air of triumph, Shane finishes and he turns the screen around for Jamin to see.

“Alright. We’ve got 10 minutes. Do you want to make out a little?”  

Jamin doesn’t even answer. He just pulls him in by the grip he still has on his arm. Their lips meet and Jamin’s heart jumps into his throat.

It’s hard for him to describe how he feels in that moment. He just knows he’s not sure how he’s ever going to not do this again. He feels Shane hum a little against his lips before he pulls back.

Shane looks pretty content but he also looks like he’s trying really hard to figure something out. Jamin reaches up and touches his cheek. “Stop thinking so hard. Just kiss me again.”

The taller man grabs him by the back of the neck, bringing them together. He opens his mouth against Jamin’s using his tongue and their kiss turns hotter. Jamin moans and moves his grip to Shane’s hip to pull him closer.

He feels Shane lick his lip ring and nip at the flesh beside of it before he starts running his tongue along the roof of Jamin’s mouth. Jamin growls a little and moves him backwards towards the brick wall a couple of steps behind them. He puts his leg between Shane’s and tears his lips away to start sucking kisses along the bottom of his jaw. Shane whines a little and runs his hands through Jamin’s hair.

“That’s not fair.” Shane sucks in a breath when Jamin nibbles at the skin right under his ear, and presses his hips forward.

Jamin groans a little at the sensation. “Now who’s not playing fair.”

Shane chuckles mischievously, and Jamin kisses him hard again grinding his hips back into Shane’s, turning the chuckle into a whimper.

He anchors himself to Shane’s mouth with his hands in his dreads and angles his head to deepen the kiss. Shane runs his hands up Jamin’s shirt, ghosting across the planes of his back and Jamin takes the opportunity to grab a handful of ass. It seems like they are that way forever, running their hands over each other’s bodies, exploring, but in reality it’s only a few minutes.

Because with his hands in a very strategic location, he can feel Shane’s phone buzz in his pocket with a notification which he knows means his car will be here in a few minutes.

Jamin tries to pull away but Shane guides him back in, kissing him softly once more and then another time before he leans down a little to put his forehead on his.  

They are both breathing heavily trying to calm down a little. Jamin feels a little bit better knowing he isn’t the only so affected by their activities.

Jamin starts a little when Shane throws his head back, cracking up. He can’t help but laugh too because that laughter is really fucking contagious.

“I’m trying not to take offense to the fact you are laughing so loudly after kissing me.”

Shane calms down a little and grabs around Jamin’s shoulders swaying a little back and forth. “No, definitely not. It’s just… I was so worried to go on a date with someone I didn’t really know because they might be some crazy, psycho killer but, honestly, I don’t think I would even care if you tried to off me at this point.”

“Oh, really? Good to know.” And it’s Jamin’s turn to cackle then. Shane breaks away batting Jamin on the shoulder.

Shane’s car pulls up at that moment and Jamin grabs the bottom of his shirt, bringing him in closer for one last kiss. When he finally gets enough, he looks back up through his lashes at the grinning, beautiful man in front of him.

“So, I’ll see you again?”

Shane giggles and shakes his head incredulously.

“Just try getting rid of me.”

[phamimi-blog]

Produce 48 Concept Evaluation Review/Opinion

**SPOILER WARNING**

If you haven’t watched episode 10 or the concept performance clips on MnetOfficial Youtube channel, you’ve been warned! -------------------------------------------------------------------- The anticipation leading up to this episode was WOAH. I mean, no joke, I played the little samples of each concept song over and over and over again. And when that wasn’t enough, I watched their practice clips over and over and over again. Even that wasn’t enough though cause I needed to hear the songs in the trainee’s voices. Let’s be honest, the demo voices used in “1000%” and “Let’s Meet Again” were excruciatingly squeaky and mousy and just plain unpleasant to hear. 

Mnet just uploaded the clips to their official Youtube channel and I pounced on those clips like ... like a hungry person on a plate of food? I don’t know; I’m bad with analogies but I’m sure you get the point. Let’s just get straight to the review: TO REACH YOU: Absolutely stunning and beautiful and everything I never knew I needed in my life! Unpopular opinion but I loved the dresses. I’ve heard people compare them to children’s dresses and such but I thought they really captured the innocence that the concept is all about. And all the girls had long hair that they wore down which was so good. This performance was just soooo goooood. Chowon did a great job as center (I also really love the tone of her voice) and Yuri, as always, has such a strong vocal. In the last episode, when they were recording the song, the composer of the song mentioned that Goeun has a problem with rhythm which wasn’t something I noticed until this performance. She definitely seemed half a second faster than she should be. Her high note reminded me a lot of Yuri’s high note in Energetic but a bit less stable. I wish Nako were given more lines cause I feel like her tone matched the song the best out of everyone. And then Gyuri ... I had no idea she was even in this group until I saw the performance and even then, was she really even there? Of all the times previously where Mnet gave her the favorite child treatment (or tough love on a favorite child treatment), she had maybe 2 solo shots??? What even? Did they give up on her? I’m not sure if it was a result of her not having much presence in the performance that she didn’t get as many solo shots or if her not having many solo shots made her have less of a presence.  Either way, I honestly think she may as well have joined a different group altogether cause she was basically invisible. Perhaps she would’ve done better in the Rollin’ Rollin’ concept? ROLLIN’ ROLLIN’ Either I don’t get the tempo of this song or everyone was kind of rushing through it. Nayoung honestly killed this concept! She’s so cute and sweet and I’m glad she got to showcase her vocal prowess with this song! Hitomi, of course, fit this cute concept really well too. I don’t really know how to feel about Wonyoung? Lately I’ve been feeling like she’s way too overhyped for no reason. Yeah, she’s good at being center but that’s such old news now and somehow, I don’t think it felt quite right with her in center for this performance. It felt a bit forced to me. Some knetz were saying (before the episode came out) that Doa had such a change in concept from her last performance that her performance in this song was a bit jarring. I can understand that a bit. I think she excels at girl crush type songs and this just wasn’t the right concept for her. However, concept voting started before the position evaluation episodes were released so no one really knew where she belonged prior to that. Before I forget, let’s talk about the outfits. Knetz were saying their outfits were the worst of the night but I think it kind of matches the concept. It is a bit hodge podge and some outfits don’t necessarily match (Like Miru’s outfit but I’ll get to her in a second). They should’ve done more of a tropical theme than a modern pop theme for the outfits cause Nayoung’s outfit fits the concept best I think, with Doa’s outfit coming in second and everyone else is labeled with a big fat “?” cause I’m not too sure how I feel about them; not the best but not overwhelmingly bad. Miru’s outfit made her seem much more mature than the group and she kind of stuck out from the rest rather than being cohesive. Don’t get me wrong; she’s gorgeous but I don’t think this was the right concept for her. Both Miru and Doa should have been in the I Am concept cause they would’ve matched that better. 

I AM Worst. Performance. Honestly, this performance was such a let down cause I love this song so much. It’s my favorite song of all the concepts so my expectations were way up there. The outfit choice was kind of a miss. Like, it’s a cute outfit and it fits with the vibe of the concept pretty well in my opinion but since this is one of the few concepts that is more dance focused than vocal focused, the loose top was more of a distraction than anything. May J Lee said that when she choreographed this, it was supposed to be a mixture of cute and sexy. I feel though that this song is more of a confident flirty sexy vibe. Like sexy but not sooo much, just a playful amount of sexy. I think Yena did the best in this performance but honestly, I don’t think she matches this concept very well. She should’ve switched with Miru to be in the Rollin’ Rollin’ concept cause she does have such a bright personality that would work well in that concept. I get why she wanted this song though cause she does seem like someone that prefers less girly songs and more powerful type songs, especially with her dance style. But my opinion still stands; she would’ve done better in Rollin’ Rollin’. Seems they changed center from Gaeun to Yujin. UNPOPULAR OPINION THAT WILL GET ME INTO FIGHTS: I don’t like Gaeun, Yujin or Yunjin. They’re all overhyped and they have such big egos from the voting results now. Even though they’ve fallen a bit due to recent episodes, they still have such over confident attitudes that aren’t backed up much by talent. If anyone, Gaeun actually has some talent and the other two are debatable. I think Gaeun would’ve been fine as center cause like I said, this concept should be more of a playful sexy vibe rather than cute/sexy. Yunjin did sing well so I guess it’s okay that she got main vocal position and she did look really pretty in this performance.That’s really all I can say about her, especially after the temper tantrum she pulled in the position evaluation episode. Yujin ... I don’t find there to be anything special about her. She did the dance, she sang the song. To me, she doesn’t have star quality but she must have some cause everyone else is all up on her all the time. I feel so bad for Juri. Knetz had said that she because kind of invisible in comparison to everyone else in her group, which makes sense cause everyone else was trying so hard to stand out in this group. I think Juri did the raps really well and she did the dance to the best of her ability. We all know she’s not a dancer so maybe she shouldn’t have been in a concept group that had such a big focus on dancing. She probably would’ve done well in Rollin’ Rollin’. Maybe if she’d switched with Doa? I’d like to just sneak in here real quick to say that Chaeyeon deserved so much better than to be kicked out of this group, especially as the leader of the group.   1000% Funny enough, I think this group matched the concept really well. Somehow the leftover groups always do pretty well compared to the groups that had first pick. Minju as center, great. Chaeyeon as main vocal, super great. (Like super super great cause wow, them vocal cords though.) Miho as sub vocal, so great. Moe as sub vocal, also great. Miu as sub vocal/rapper, ... I wish there were a bigger rap part for her but what little she had was great. The background set was cute although I do question if it would have been better suited for Rollin’ Rollin’? (I have many opinions on how Rollin’ Rollin’ could have been better.) I love the outfits as they seemed the most cohesive honestly. Not too much to say here though from me. They did great; it’s a good concept and I hope they get really high scores.  LET’S MEET AGAIN Mnet is doing the most for this performance with the intricate floral background, the slowmo close up on Yiren, the stabilized follow shot of Sakura dancing, pink background lighting, moving footage of petals falling in the backdrop, glowing edit. It’s the most cohesive performance of the night from outfits, makeup, stage setting, everything. Wasn’t the choreographer’s idea for the dance to resemble a sakura flower blooming too? I would say Yiren does a great job as center here, as she always does. I think the trainers criticized her too harshly in the last episode. Somehow, she still manages to be humble even though she’s been voted in the top for a while now. Knetz were saying Sakura stood out the most for this performance but I definitely didn’t see it that way. Could be due to Msnake editing to give her as little screen time as possible compared to the beginning of the season. I do think she needs to rap more often though cause she did pretty well. Haeyoon is definitely main vocal material. I think she’s done well to secure that position for herself, especially after this performance. Also, did anyone notice she got whipped in the face by someone’s hair during her high note? Hyewon’s rap tone was much better suited for this song than the previous ones that she’s done. I do wish she would smile a bit more though cause honestly, when she would have her solo shots, it kind of brought the mood down. I love the girl and how she’s grown in the show from just innocence to multi-faceted but girl needs to match her expressions to the song; especially since Minami is in the crowd watching her! Best for last, Miyu did AMAZINGLY. She’s so adorably cute in this performance with her bright-ass smile and her top-tier vocals being front and center FINALLY. And Mnet finally gave her a lot of screentime too during the performance!  RUMOR The performance we’ve all been waiting for after that 20 second preview in the last episode. This is the most interesting concept out of them all. There’s no doubt that this is the most popular out of all the concepts as well. (Especially after the injustice that was done to Go Yujin.) I have way too many feelings about this stage so I’ll just jump right into it. I’ll be the first to say that I honestly never realized Shihyun was so goddamn gorgeous! This is definitely her style and the look that she gives in the beginning gives me chills. I love that slow down part in the middle of the song too where they just strut across the stage. Chowon was my fave after last episode but I feel like she’s doing too much in the performance. At one point, she’s actually yelling instead of rapping too. She also needs to work on her hairography cause her hair was all over her face all of the time. No doubt she’s gorgeous though; her eyes could kill. Eunbi did fantastic as main vocal and I really hope she makes it to the final. She’s such a hard worker and she deserves so much. Sae is another one of those trainees that’s super hyped for reasons I don’t understand. The only way I can explain it is that her looks and seductiveness must not translate well through the camera footage cause everyone in person always falls under her spell. She did well though in dancing and singing so she definitely did her part to contribute to this performance. Sian, my meme girl. Ever since position evaluation practices, I’ve been rooting for her. She’s so pretty and I absolutely love her personality. The faces she makes too off stage are hilarious. She shows off how well she can sing in this performance and how well she can dance too. If I had to predict, without watching the full episode yet cause I wait for the subs, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if this performance was the one that won the night.