#the autistic experience of feeling 'othered' and disconnected by the ppl around u to the point where you no longer feel a connection to them

[vorejuiceguzzler]

thinking abt laios touden.................. autism man my beloved

[mithliya]

“it doesn’t sound like this is sexuality related to me, though i may be wrong,, it sounds like you have issues around being in sexual situations. do u know where that comes from?”

Idk I was ashamed of having sexual desires growing up because I took my religion very seriously but I don’t really feel like I have any of that shame now because I’m an atheist now and I masturbate whenever I want (whereas I used to feel intense guilt when I was younger). I think I just really don’t like any situations I’m unfamiliar with (because I’m socially awkward and autistic). I have one close friend and she kissed me once and while it wasn’t really unwelcome and while the idea of having a relationship with her or someone else sounds nice in theory, I’m not that fussed either way and I haven’t really had any desire to have sex or a relationship with anyone I’ve met. I often got/get obsessed with fictional characters but I don’t think it’s really a romantic or sexual crush, I just like looking at them and thinking about them. Like it’s definitely an obsession but it doesn’t seem romantic, often it’s more like I imagine I’m them. Nor have I ever been obsessed with or had a crush on anyone who I know in real life. I think I have a tendency to maladaptively daydream (about whatever media I’m currently fixated on) but even then they’re very rarely romantic and only sexual when I specifically want to masturbate, after which they go back to ‘normal’

(sorry for all this btw🙃)

even if u have left a religion & don’t believe in it, if it impacted u in terms of ur upbringing it’s hard to just overcome it. my best friend grew up in a fundamentalist evangelical family, and she felt an intense guilt too, she no longer feels it but it’s still clear to me that her extremely religious upbringing messed up her relationship with sex in other ways. not saying the stuff relating to your lack of desire for others is definitely from that tho. do you think it’d be fair to say that you’re disconnected from your emotions? (not accusing just tryna help make sense of this with u)

also as a note, check the notes to ur original anon that i mentioned. ppl left lots of comments relating to their own experiences, you might relate or find it otherwise helpful

[doctorsupernova-archive]

mostly i associate u with steven universe, and earthbound not that i know anything about it. another association with you is feeling like u would support my interests, and protect me from bitter/angry ppl on the internet.... since you reblog a lot of posts related to that, it seems. ^^ oh and I notice you like/reblog from me a lot, if that counts.

Aww, thank you so much, anon!

I’m really really glad I give off that vibe, since I know how much it sucks to have people vocally hate something you love. I’ve seen stuff like “cringe culture is dead!” and yet the moment your special interest isn’t something “cool” to like, those same people turn around and put you on blast. It’s disgusting! And it can really get you down if you’re not careful.

But you know what? Here’s a little nugget I’ve been refining over the years to protect myself from the maelstrom of negativity that is the internet:

The only person’s approval you need to love what you love is your own. If something sparks an emotion or resonates with you, then that experience is real and it’s a part of you - and nobody can take that away from you.

Part of this is because getting super attached to my fandoms and other interests is a part of my experience as an autistic person who gets special interests (and I imagine this applies to hyperfixations as well). That pure feeling of joy when I get invested in these stories and learn everything about a topic I can? I wouldn’t want to change that about myself even if I could. The other part is that I realized that everyone approaches things with different attitudes and expectations, and that other peoples’ shouldn’t affect my own.

What do I care if Other M is controversial? I didn’t approach the game with the same expectations that a lot of fans did, and Madeline and Melissa Bergman are two characters that I care about deeply - my many headcanons about where their stories might go helped me get through my awful bout with loneliness and depression in my freshman year of high school. Why should it matter if GoT is imperfect as an adaptation? I love bonding with my parents over discussions of the characters and speculation about the next season, and besides, why should a show’s merits as an adaptation of a book series I haven’t read matter to me, anyway? Nobody talks about THG anymore since it ended years ago? I remember it and still feel attached, so all those old emotions are still real to me and I can revisit them whenever I want. Barb was just a meme and nobody gives a shit about her anymore? Well, I do - as someone who’s felt disconnected from my peers throughout my life, she continues to be a major comfort character and source of catharsis for me, even if there won’t be any more canon content with her in it.

I could go on and on about my other forgotten or vocally hated interests (the Sonic series has so much personal meaning to me that it could get its own post), but you probably get the point.

I actually used to have a blurb about “we may not get along if you hate-blog interests xyz” on my about page, but I recently deleted it since it honestly doesn’t apply to me anymore. A lot of those posts you mentioned used to be about convincing myself that my special interests are okay, but I think everything finally clicked for me when I saw Steven’s fusion scene from “Change Your Mind”. Once I viewed myself with the lens I use to look at other people instead of the hypercritical one I use for myself, I realized - hey, this is a cool person I’d love to hug!

“I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me. I don’t need you to love me, I love me.”

So, that ends my little anecdote about how a scene from a cartoon helped me practice more mindfulness and made me realize how much I’ve grown as a person! Now, I mainly reblog those kinds of posts to help other people learn the same lesson that I have and make my corner of this website just a little warmer, a little less judgmental. Hearing that at least one of my followers has taken notice means a lot to me.

Oh, and if you ever want more advice or just someone to talk to about your own special interests, you can always send me an ask or a private message! I’m your dude